#so idk how to apply eyeliners and i tried to apply it yesterday

[luvistqrzzz]

remind me to never try apply eyeliners again-

[sinesalvatorem]

Facial Feminisation With Makeup

Yesterday I mentioned the fact that I’m interested in makeup but don’t post about it because other people aren’t. One person encouraged me to post about makeup anyway, so I’m going to make this one post about a particularly interesting aspect of makeup: That by reemphasising certain features, it can correct for a bit of sexual dimorphism.

This is basically just a list of a bunch of techniques I’ve fiddled around with, so it’s not superduper systematic. Also, I’m not, like, good at makeup. I like makeup and can apply it precisely enough to try a bunch of stuff, but I am not an expert even a little and have used a very restricted range of products.

(Note 1: Doing my makeup doesn’t make it hard for me to recognise masculine features in the mirror, because it just changes what features stand out, while I know what I’m looking for. As such, it might not help with body dysphoria? No clue, since IDK what body dysphoria feels like from the inside. It seems to help with passing, though, which is what I’ve cared enough about to learn about.)

(Note 2: In a lot of places, I say “women typically look like X; men typically look like Y”. This is meant to mean that the average man and woman look this way, and since most people are cis, that’s fairly gender dimorphic. I use this phrasing on the assumption that, if you’re reading this, you’re mostly interested in shifting your appearance toward the female average, rather than getting people to have more woke perceptions of male and female.

If you want to learn more about sexual dimorphism in faces, you should check out this site. I read through it at 13 when considering whether transitioning seemed worthwhile (to assess how hard it would be to hide sexual dimorphism to a passable degree), and I highly recommend it as a starting point.)

Before you begin, you should make sure you have:

Apparatus: A mirror; a sink; at least one soft, smooth sponge; lots of tissues for wiping away your mistakes.

Makeup: Lipstick or lipgloss; foundation (that matches your skin); concealer; highlighter and contour; eyeliner and mascara.

Consumables: Soap; moisturiser; a long, narrow hair accessory like a thin, folded scarf; patience.

Once you have all your shit together, you should wash your face. Definitely try to clean out your pores before applying foundation and after removing it. Make sure to shave reasonably closely after washing, and (optionally) pluck your eyebrows if you’re up for that.

Then just put on your foundation. If you don’t know how to do that, it’s basically just dabbing some foundation around your face and then blending it in with your sponge until your skin has a smooth complexion. I generally go for a very light coat of foundation, but you have to choose what suits your skin. Next, you can start doing stuff about specific facial features.

Lips: Women’s lips are typically fuller than men’s, but not quite as wide. If you want to feminise your lips, your goal is to make them stand out more (particularly in the centre), to increase that apparent fullness.

Lipstick or lipgloss is a must for this. You want your lips to be more reflective, since that tricks the brain into perceiving them as bigger. You particularly want to make the middle of the lips brighter (typically by using more lipgloss there) in order to draw attention away from the corners of the mouth, which may be longer than desired.

Meanwhile, you might want to increase the apparent vertical size of the lips by extending your lipstick to more of your lip line, but making this look natural requires concealing said lip line. Regular old concealer will probably do the trick, but I have to admit that afro lips are shaped significantly differently to other people’s, so I can’t speak from experience on what’ll work for 99% of this blog’s readership. Maybe try consulting this guide.

Facial Hair: Most women just don’t have this to any notable degree. You want to give as little indication as possible that you grow facial hair. While shaving is by far the most important part of this, you can do even better.

Shaved faces typically have a hint of darkness in the places where hair grows. This is less dark immediately after a shave, but still slightly discoloured compared to the rest of the skin. Here you just want to apply concealer until it’s the same shade as the skin around it. Make sure to also get underneath your chin! Even if you didn’t put foundation down there, I’d recommend using a little concealer.

Cheeks/Jawline: Women’s facial structure is typically more rounded than men’s. As such, you want to decrease any perceptions of blockiness or right angles. This means creating an illusion where it seems like your underlying bone structure is more curved/rounded.

You can do this to some extent using highlights and contours. Highlights increase the reflectiveness of your skin, while contours decrease it. While concealer makes an area less visually notable by evening out the colour, contours make the area less eye-catching by making it reflect less light. Thus, it works in combination with highlighting to make some things pop and others recede, allowing for all sorts of subtle reshaping.

I would recommend applying highlighter in long, curved strokes along the cheekbones and the jawline. You don’t want to actually trace the cheeks or jaw, but to draw arcs with exaggerated roundness. You then want to contour a little below your cheekbone-highlighter (also curved), and the corners of your jaw (below your jaw-highlighter). Then just blend it all together to make your face seem more rounded. (FTR: “blending” is just when you take the sponge and dab your makeup in to even it out.)

Nose: Women’s noses are typically thinner and shorter than men’s. I’m afraid I don’t have a ton of advice on making it seem shorter (sorry), but you can definitely make it appear somewhat thinner.

Just apply a line of highlighter on the bridge and centre-line, while contouring the edges, before blending together. This will make the centre of the nose more reflective/prominent, while drawing attention away from how wide it is. It’s the same trick we did with the lips!

Eyes: Women’s eyes are typically slightly larger than men’s, relative to the rest of the face, and also have longer eyelashes. Interestingly enough, despite the phyiscal difference being relatively small, a study in Canada (that I unfortunately couldn’t find with a quick Google) found that the size of the eyes had one of the largest effects in flipping people’s gender perception for a given face. So, basically, you want to make your eyes stand out.

Luckily, this is already the main goal of existing eye beauty techniques, so most tutorials on doing your eyes will do well here. Just do your eyeliner and mascara as recommended. The only extra advice I would give would be to increase the reflectiveness of your eyelids to draw attention from the brow ridge (which is prominent in most men and largely absent in most women).

Forehead and hairline: The sex differences in forehead and hairline are reasonably complex and fascinating. Firstly, women tend to have low corners and a high middle for their hairline, while male hairlines tend to dip down in the middle to form a bit of an M shape. Secondly, men’s foreheads tend to slope backward slightly. Thirdly, male foreheads tend to be just plain wider (vertically) than female ones. (Besides that, there’s the brow stuff that was discussed under ‘eyes’.)

Thankfully, at least for the three problems identified above, there’s a simple and easy solution: Tie an accessory right below the highest point of the hairline. It shouldn’t obscure too much of the forehead, but just enough to make it seem shorter, cover the middle-dip in the hairline, and hide the backward slope. Personally, I tie a bandana there, but a thick ribbon or a narrow scarf would likely also work for this.

And that’s basically it! Any of these things individually should do some good for how people read you (especially the stuff for the eyes and the forehead/hairline). Additional things to consider:

While you should avoid caking on makeup to the point where it looks like you have something to hide, you shouldn’t be too afraid to let people see that your makeup is makeup. Tasteful makeup, but not completely invisible, so that people notice. This affects people’s higher-level gendering system by increasing the likelihood that you’re a woman, since most people who wear makeup are women. (The reverse of some of the above procedures should help transguys look more masc, but they should definitely aim to hide the fact that they’re wearing makeup if they want to be read correctly.)

Wearing makeup that’s not the right shade for your skin can be disastrous by making you look distorted or unnatural. It also means the feminisation is less likely to work, since the point is for someone who’s doing a first-pass gender read to sort you into the “female” box and move on. Looking really weird may lead them to pay more attention. To make sure you have a good colour match, you should directly compare your hand to the makeup colour. (Stuff typically comes with a label with the colour on it.)

There are other sexually dimorphic facial features. However, I only tried to write about the ones that I have working makeup solutions (or at least palliatives) for. Some things I just don’t know how to do yet and will require more experimentation and maybe getting advice from other people. However, when I do figure out how to do something, I’ll try to tell Tumblr.

If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area and can visit me in the mid-peninsula (and bring your own product), I can do your makeup for you + give advice on how to do your own makeup. Not professionally (for one thing, I pretty much only put makeup onto myself, and haven’t worked with white skin), but with a bunch of intuitions for what you might want to do with your face, so giving you a more specific idea of what to work on than just reading this post. Also, if you’re the kind of person who read this post and thought “I want to talk to her more about makeup”, then you’re the kind of person I want to talk to too.

[surveysonfleek]

435.

When was the last time you used a pair of ear/headphones? a couple days ago.

Have you ever tried to count to infinity? no, what a waste of time.

Do you like making mixed cds? when i was younger, yeah. now i just make playlists.

Would you want to live forever if it meant being a tree? no.

What is the strangest thing you’ve put chocolate on? nothing that weird.

Could you earn a good living selling weed? i mean you probably could but i personally wouldn’t do it.

How would you use a photographic memory? to remember diagrams and stuff.

What would you do tomorrow if you had $500? nothing lol. keep it.

What body hair gets the most attention? the hair on my head?

What’s your favorite commercial? none. i hate ads.

Do you like pie? i mean i do but it’s never my first choice for a meal/dessert.

Do you appreciate dishwashers? i’ve never had one.

If you could change someone else’s past, what would you change? i wouldn’t.

What’s the worst experience you don’t remember? being bitten by a dog.

Are your dreams usually cheerful? nah.

What’s your favorite color of eyeliner? black.

How’s the weather where you are at? it’s nice.

Anything bad happen today? yeah. i didn’t get off work early lol.

Can you solve a Rubik’s Cube? probably. but it’d take forever.

What was the last thing that you microwaved?  leftovers.

Did you have an easy-bake oven when you were little?  no.

Have you ever seen a donkey?  yes.

Do you like sheep? no.

Do you like dogs?  yes.

Do you have one?  yes.

Do you ever want to be married?  someday.

Do you take a lot of pictures?  not as much as i used to.

Where is the boy you want most? sleeping.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? in bed sleeping.

What is your current mood? tired.

Where are you going tomorrow? work.

Who was the last person you yelled at? i forgot.

Do you think you’ll be a good Mother/Father? hopefully!

The last thing you drank?  water.

What’s in your pocket?  no pockets.

What colour are your fingernails? dark red.

Have you ever left school just because you didn’t want to be there?  yes.

Did anything cute happen today? no.

What are you currently hearing? nothing.

Are you afraid of the dark? only if i’m not familiar with my surroundings.

Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings? depends who it is.

Do you have a common first name? no.

Do you like your middle name or your first name more? first.

What year would/did you turn 21? 2011.

What was popular when you were a kid? barbies, pokemon, sailor moon.

Do you wear more rings or necklaces? necklace.

Have you ever been engaged? no.

Can you see your veins through your skin? kinda.

Do you worry about having good grammar online? yeah.

Do you know anyone with a lazy eye? yes.

Did your parents let you have pets when you were a kid? when i was 12 so yeah.

Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? neither.

Do you like spicy chips? no.

Do you have any ‘different’ keychains on your keys/purse? i guess.

Do you collect pins? sorta. whenever i stay in hotels, i’ll take the pen.

What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? the weeknd.

Do you wear more pink or yellow? neither.

Have you ever been out of the state you were born in? yes.

Do you have any tattoos on your arms? no.

Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? no.

When was the last time you felt jealous? idk been awhile.

What’s the last thing you bought besides food/drink? petrol.

What album is the last song you listened to from? idk.

Who scheduled your last doctor visit? me.

What’s the last video game you played? tekken.

Do you have anything on your wrists right now? my bracelet.

Do you have any holiday theme’d socks? nope.

What kind of accent do you have? australian.

What’s the last funny movie you watched? i forgot.

Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? of course.

Is there anyone who you just absolutely cannot STAND being around? yes.

What is the design on your shirt? it has minnie mouse on it.

Do you know anyone who just flat-out fails at life? no.

Are you a Ghoulscout? no.

Do you know someone who’s just always wrong about everything? haha kinda.

Do you make fun of people often? no.

Do you read your friend’s surveys? none of my friends do surveys.

If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? i wouldn’t.

How do you feel about band tattoos? it’s whatever.

How much are you willing to pay for a pair of sunglasses? if it has my prescription lens in it, quite a lot.

What is the origin of your last name? spanish, but i’m filipino.

Do you ever use the n-word? no.

What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? none in particular.

What brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? i haven’t dyed my hair in years.

What country do you live in? australia.

Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? i did until i could drive.

Do you prefer beef, chicken or steak? steak.

Are you any good at applying make up? i guess so.

Do you misuse commas? no.

Have you ever bitten your dentist? no.

Are you someone who likes to make simple things difficult? no.

Who makes you laugh the most? my boyfriend.

Do you have any plans for this weekend? not sure yet. games night on sunday tho.

Do you crack your knuckles? sometimes.

Coffee or Tea? both.

Do you know anyone named Matt? yes.

Wearing any bracelets? yes.

When were you last outside? 30 min ago.

Do you need someone to cheer you up right now? no.

Are your nails painted? yes.

Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? yeah hopefully.

Do you think you’d make a good parent? i hope so!

You start crying. Who do you want by your side? my boyfriend.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? yes.

Did someone screw you over lately? yes.

Would you ever get your hips pierced? no.

If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go? if i didn’t have to spend anything, then yeah.

Who was the first person you talked to today? my bf.

What’s your favorite musical? les miserables.

How do you get to sleep? i’ll fall asleep if i’m tired or i’ll read.

What happened at the last party you went to? eh, idk.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? yes.

What’s your hair like at this present moment? down.

Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? lying down for sure.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? idk there’s been a lotttt.

Are you an untidy person? no.

Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? nah, i always preferred bsb.

Do you watch a lot of television? no.

Do you think you’re fat sometimes? yes.

Do you like to flex your muscles? no.

Do you think you’ll ever get plastic surgery? no.

Have you ever completely misunderstood what somebody was saying? yup.

Favorite kind of cake: anything moist.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? boy.

Name something you are doing tomorrow? working :(

Do you sleep on your stomach? yes.

Where are you going to be at 4:00 p.m. tomorrow? leaving home to go to work.

Are you missing someone? yes.

Do you like horror or comedy? comedy.

Who did you last share a taxi with? my bf and friends.

Dogs or cats? dogs.

What were you doing at 12 this afternoon? sleeping.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? yes.

What’s your favorite season? Why? autumn, it’s my perfect kind of weather.

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? idk.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? yes.

Who was the last person you hugged? my bf.

Do you think you would be a good parent? wtf lol i swear this survey has asked this three times?

When was the last time you cried? it’s been a couple weeks.

Who was driving the last time you were in a car? me.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? yes.

Do you like your bed? yes.

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? yesterday.

How much cash do you have on you? a couple coins, i never carry cash.

Are you tanned? no.

Did you get any compliments today? no.

Have you ever gone to court? yes but to watch my boyfriend graduate as a lawyer.

Do you get jealous easily? no.

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? no.

What are you doing Saturday? idk yet.

What is in your back pocket? no pockets.

What were you doing at 3:00 a.m. this morning? netflix.

What do you usually do first in the morning? check the time.

Are you any good at math? kinda.

Any plans for Friday night? not yet.

Do you have a little crush on someone? more than a crush.

When’s the last time you ran?
 it’s been awhile lol.

Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? nope.

What are you dreading right now? working tomorrow.

Do you celebrate 420? no.

Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? not always.

If anyone came to your house on your “lazy days” what would ya’ll do? lay around, watch youtube, tv shows or movies and pig out.

Who last grabbed your ass? my bf.

Have you ever been on your school’s track team? no.

Do you own a pair of Converse? yes.

Did you copy and paste this survey? duh.

Do you eat raw cookie dough? sometimes.

Have you ever kicked a vending machine? no.

Don’t you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? yes.

Do you watch Trading Spaces? no.

How do you eat oreos? by themselves.

Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? back in high school yeah.

Are you cocky? yeah.

Could you live without a computer? probably but i’d prefer to have one.

Do you wear your shoes in the house? only downstairs.

Who or what sleeps with you? nothing.

At what age did you find out that Santa wasn’t real? maybe around 7 but i pretended to believe in him.

What do you do when you’re sad? sleep.

Who would you call first if you won the lottery? my family.

Last time you saw your best friend? thursday.

Are you in high school? no.

What jewelry are you wearing? necklace and bracelet.

Is anyone on your bad side now? no.

What’s the first thing you do when you get online? go on youtube.

Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? no.

Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? only out on convenience. if it’s cold etc.

Where do you work? casino.

What are you doing tomorrow? working.

Do you return your cart? most of the time lol.

Do you have a dishwasher? no.

What noise do you hear? faint sounds of traffic.

Would you survive in prison? probably not.

Who is the youngest in your family? my cousin.

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likely overpack? me lol.

What’s the last thing you purchased? gas.

Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? yes!

What brand are your pants right now? not wearing pants.

Ever been to Georgia (the state)? yes.

What irritates you most on the internet? buffering.

What brand is your digital camera? canon.

Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? yes.

Are you taking college classes right now? no, i finished.

Do you like sushi? yes.

Do you get your hair cut every month? no, i should though.

Do you go online everyday? yes.

What makes someone a best friend? knowing everything about each other, someone you can rely on and laugh with.

[personalsecondblog]

2.8.19 Major procrastination...

4:30 PM, I am majorly procrastinating. I said I would work on Accounting homework today, but i haven’t touched it at all today. Instead, I focused on my room. Yesterday, i reorganized my makeup container. I really wanted to do this because I was inspired to buy new eyeshadows because of Youtube and because I’m graduating soon.

Sidenote: I have until May to wear as many colorful eyeshadow looks and after that I’m not expecting to be able to wear that stuff anymore because my makeup has to be professional and simple. 

So, while I was talking to J, I went through my makeup bag and moved my unopened eyeshadows to my desktop makeup container. I organized it this way so I could see what eyeshadow colors I have on hand. After going through all of them, i realized I don’t have any eyeshadow colors that I really wanted to try, like a rainbow palette. All of my eyeshadow colors are either neutrals or gold, purple, green, or blue. I don’t have any pink or yellow. I have plenty of shimmery cream eyeshadow mascaras, and lipsticks....

I guess I always forget what I want my makeup routine to be after not wearing makeup consistently. I think I tried to be minimalist and practical to my eye shape and needs. Since I have hooded eyelids, that discouraged me from buying eyeshadow. No matter what I applied to my lids, you can only see a little bit. ...Hence, my makeup container is small on purpose. The only makeup products that really make a difference are lipsticks, eyeliner, and mascara. 

I will no longer buy pencil eyeliner. I want retractable eyeliners so they don’t irritate my eyes. 

So, my makeup storage looks like this. In my desktop container, I have my makeup brushes, all my eyeshadows, lipsticks, lip balms, mascaras, and eyeliners. In my makeup box, I have my unopened mascaras and a travel size makeup remover I got for free my school. The biggest change to my desktop was m skincare section. I really have to invest in one because I’m getting older. I used an old pink mini shelf for my skincare products, makeup remover, and reorganized my haircare products and other skincare products in my LA donught bucket. I want to say I’m finished with my desktop, but I need to figure out what to do with other items that are now on my floor, 

In addition, I reorganized my jewelry and books that were sitting on my floor (in a box). I used my clear box for my gold bling jewelry and an old V-Day candy box for my Playboy and rhinestone chokers. I also plan to display the V-Day box in an easel so Idk... I do want to display my jewelry, but I don’t want it to get dirty or buy new containers for displaying them. 

 i also took out my stockings and used the storage container for my books I don’t have a bookshelf so I did the best I could with books. I feel better now that I don’t have a box on my floor. Although, that box has clear heels that i love and wanted to display...oh, well...Looks like it’s not happening. 

I would rather organize my room instead of work on my Accounting homework,but It needs to be done. Getting started is the hardest part. I’m honestly scared of the quizzes. I know they’re a lot different than the homework.

Twenty questions for 60 minutes. Ugh,,,, I definitely need notes. 

I really need to find my Harry Potter pencil case. It has my flashdrives. It’s been missing since last weekend.

Ok, in my room, the last things I want to focus on are my shampoo merchandise, my clear heel box, my VS bags and paper ads, my Abercrombie bags, my Starbucks coffee, my packaging supplies, my actual desk with my textbooks, and binders. and vacuuming my floor, After that, I need to dig through my closet and see what i’m hoarding and sell what I don’t need. That’s my goal for 2019. Clean out my room and not hold on to what I don’t need . 

Ugh, while I admire the aesthetics of acrylic containers on YT, I don’t aspire to need or have those in my home. I just like how cute and organized it looks, but I never aspire to own that much makeup. Given my eye shape, it’s just not going to happen. 

In my closet, I have Line Friends products, Rick and Morty merch, old binders, comics?, and other stuff that I think is merch....oh wait, I have some store merch to sell too....

Okay. I’ve been on here long enough. I want to put stuff in to piles before I do homework....ugh, bye. 

[bythepowerof4]

clea and nick and a very confusing two day argument @nickatnightwalker

[during daisy’s 420 dash shenanigans]

bythepowerof4nnnno dont encourage her this is bad

nickatnightwalkerim encouraging her to be distracted byh being queen of something clea

bythepowerof4noooooo i dont think its gonna work like that shell just try harder

or maybe not i dontt fucking know i dont know anything

nickatnightwalkersame my guy but it was a chance i was willing to take on behalf of all of us

bythepowerof4ok sure great fingers crossed whatEVER

we are all sooo super grateful

nickatnightwalkeroh this is worse

bythepowerof4that wasnnt even a goov fucking burn

bythepowerof4that was so LAME and she thinks she s so SMART and i hate her

and i dont wanna talk about it actually how are you

nickatnightwalkeri am

dying

bythepowerof4Great

nickatnightwalkeri would have gray hair by now if it were possible for me to have melanin

bythepowerof4youre not helping though!!!!! uoure engaging!!!!!

noo ok not my business

this is meant to be chill i want to be chill

nickatnightwalkerjus wait till the bowl goes around again

nickatnightwalkeri was trying to distract her you kmnow thats the only way to stop the daisymobile

bythepowerof4thats not fair you know thats not fair

nickatnightwalkerwhat waiting for the bowl or the daisymobile

bythepowerof4Both duh

nickatnightwalkeryes i know, and, also unfair that this is happening on 420 day or our lord and savior snoop

bythepowerof4its not fair that we have to deal with this whether it happens or not wee could just like walk away from the weird passive aggressive blogging ccrcle right now if we so chose

yeah????

because this isnt FUN nickolas it is not

nickatnightwalkeri personally am having a loads of fun messing with ines

you have to dea l with everything when it happens so this is just a thign

bythepowerof4oh cool great youre just as bad fantastic news

nickatnightwalkerok i did no t and have not publicly read anybody out yet to date

i only do that privatley and only when it suits me

bythepowerof4:/

://////

bythepowerof4look at u ur being a dick right niw!!!!

nickatnightwalkeroh what to ines

im screwing with her

shes trying to fight me

bythepowerof4because this is soo the best way to deal with that sort of situation

nickatnightwalkerits just funny idk why shes getting all snaked out of shape

bythepowerof4"hot" you dick????

Youre both being gross now stop it!!!

nickatnightwalkera joke

a JOKE

shes a lesiabn

also just like

no

bythepowerof4its not FUNNY nick

neither of you are funny its weird and annoying and embarrassing

nickatnightwalkershe wants ot punch me bc i sias d bite me

i dondt really feel like imobligagated to take her seriously anymore

besides shes a shit so no t only is it funny to watch her blow a gasket over the same google image snatched pic i also like pissing her off

bythepowerof4u arent obligated to fight w her either but ur doing that,, a lot

idk

Im not making sense

nickatnightwalkerthis is brely a fight

[nothing until nick sends the photo]

bythepowerof4im not mad at you and im not mad at her so can you not tag team revenge for once in your fucking life

we're having an almost genuine conversation for once without you interjecting to make fun of me and pretend play matchmaker for shits and giggles so can you please, please cut it out

nickatnightwalkerim not making fun of you

nickatnightwalkerif i was making fun of you itd be a lot meaner

you should be flattered i even considereed encourragign you to go for daisy

[next day]

bythepowerof4hey!! how are you feeling haha, is ur hair still going grey

bythepowerof4im not trying to act like nothing is bad btw i just wanted to start it off nice sorry :/

nickatnightwalkermy hair's moved past being gray and now it's black, so im inadvertently copying misha again

bythepowerof4lmao this is some goth power play shit love it

nickatnightwalkerwhite haired twink is out 2008 gerard way is in

bythepowerof4as it should be!! do you need eyeliner like i don't have any but it would really make the Look

nickatnightwalkerwhy would i need that when i have dry erase markers to just apply liberally to my face

bythepowerof4so resourceful?? pinterest diy that shit

bythepowerof4we can raid the art rooms, get some glue while we're at it and cut a big chunk out of your hair gel budget

nickatnightwalkerdanger with that is potentially overgluing and making it fragile and breakable like glass

bythepowerof4glass bones and paper skin and glass hair also. got it

i mean youre pretty protective of it already i doubt anyone would notice the difference!!

nickatnightwalkerevery morning i break my legs getting out of bed

bythepowerof4do your heart attacks put you to sleep bc i know that feeling

nickatnightwalkeryeah thats why i sleep like four separate times a day

bythepowerof4and i thought that was just a #relateableteen thing

bythepowerof4so not to be weird but is this like. Chilly lackluster banter or are you actually not mad at me

nickatnightwalkerno im pissed

bythepowerof4ok

can i ask why

nickatnightwalkeri mean well first ya came at me for fucking with you which

like i said

i do but it's obvious

then you were a shit to daisy

so

thats that

bythepowerof4iiii mean. you said you wouldnt do that anymore. and then you did. i was just upset

and im sorry about daisy, i told her that too

bythepowerof4like really sorry!!

i just think its weird that someone can say, threaten to kill her and call her a bitch all the time

and youll date him

but i cant get a little upset when we're all high and im having a super stressful few days!!

nickatnightwalkerdo what anymore

bythepowerof4fuck with me

about her

nickatnightwalkerim not

i havent been

bythepowerof4you did though

bythepowerof4like what else was that picture

nickatnightwalkeryou said she was weird and creepy and i sent a picture of her being cute and sweet

bythepowerof4i said she was ACTING weird and creepy which objectively is an accurate description for someone talking about throbbing tentacle dicks and using the word "quivering" in relation to the nether regions of the girl they beat up for fun

but like, what do i know

i dont think shes weird and creepy and thats not what that photo was about im not an idiot

nickatnightwalkerlisten i frankly think everyone needs to reserve their judgment on the moire and daisy situation because it's clearly very complex and beyond the comprehension of mortal men and none of our fucking business to judge one way or another and, yknow, imho, moire has gills and misha smells like magic and youre 4d so maybe also reserve your fucking judgment on who's weird around here anyway

bythepowerof4i know thats why i apologized

nickatnightwalkershe can say shit like that and still be cute and sweet

bythepowerof4but like i said, high and upset and still getting used to this, so u can forgive me for one slip up surely

nickatnightwalkershe contains motherfucking multitudes

bythepowerof4thats not what you were saying though!! you didnt say that

you sent me a picture trying to make me jealous or something, just like she was saying, because obviously i cant have a private conversation with either one of you

nickatnightwalkerif youre jealous thats your problem

bythepowerof4im NOT

you both keep acting like i am thats not fair!!!

nickatnightwalkeri wasnt youre the one who's fixated on it

dont believe i ever said the j word

bythepowerof4i didnt either!! she did!!!

im not fixated on anything i just want to be able to talk to you without you making it about her all the time

nickatnightwalkerweve occasionally talked about more than daisy im p sure

bythepowerof4:/ you know what i meant

nickatnightwalkerwell this IS about her whether you think im continually screwing with you in some single minded attempt to torment you or not

and im not a fan of someone who says theyre her friend telling her shit like that

bythepowerof4i said SORRY it happens ok!!! i feel really awful about it why do you think i was so upset yesterday?

nickatnightwalkeri dont know dude i was baked

bythepowerof4i didnt know that specific thing upset her so much bc no one gave me a rule book for this shit and im never gonna do it again

nickatnightwalkerok cool

im also deciding rightnow this second i dont care if you believe why i sent the picture or not because youre so dead set on me trying to fuck with you ill never change your mind

and for the record

damians never called her a bitch again

nickatnightwalkerand if he tried to kill her, id be more concerned about scraping enough of him up off the sidewalk to fill a bucket

bythepowerof4youre not even gonna try to understand why i might think that

like i could tell you if u gave enough of a shit to listen yeah

nickatnightwalkeris poor self esteem and daisys difficulty with dropping her persona not the right answer

bythepowerof4not quite but thhanks

for that

nickatnightwalkerthats usually what it is

bythepowerof4ok just. Listen for a sec without jumping in to insult me yeah

bythepowerof4the two of you like, obviously tell each other everything. like u straight up reference shit shes obviously told u n vice versa

and that makes it weird cause it feels like im never talking to just you and thats why its weird when u bring her up bc its like, why wouldnt u just tell her whatever i say!!!

bythepowerof4and u keep saying i have a shot w her and telling me how to impress her when i just wanted to brag about winning chicken it didnt have to be a THING u know???

bythepowerof4but like!!! if ur saying that then she knows and it makes it weird!!! like you do that even when you said youd stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of moire and then you immediately send that picture and u can see how i might think it was a fucking team effort

yeah?????

bythepowerof4its weird and intimidating and im not even friends with her i was obviously fooling myself about that but i thought i was friends with you

like not youtwo as a unit or whatever fake setting me up

ok im done but that was stupid so whatever

nickatnightwalkerwell like 1. i dont tell her everything

i know hard concept but just because we talk about a lot of shit which is, yknow, what one does with friends, it doesnt mean we talk about everything

nickatnightwalkerfor instance: didnt know she said you were jealous of moire

bythepowerof4ok

bythepowerof4i believe you im obviously not that big a deal for u guys to bother talking abt me fine

but u can at least see how i might think that given ur whole thing is acting like ur joined at the hip and ganging up on ppl

u know

nickatnightwalkerwait do you want us to talk about you or not clea

nickatnightwalkershe was upset so she told me, i was pissed so i gave you photographic evidence

of the contrary imean

if i know everything about her then when i say youve got a shot i really think im in the best position to be calling that

bythepowerof4thats the problem!! Bc i clearly dont have a shot we dont even talk that much bc i dont even know how to talk to her and that makes it seem like ur pulling it out of ur ass!

nickatnightwalkereither i know everything about her or i dont make up your mind truong

bythepowerof4youre missing the point ok

nickatnightwalkerif the point isnt me giving you the run around to fuck with you not sure what the point is then

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkeris that not literally what you just said

bythepowerof4that is youre just getting bogged down in dumb shit im saying!!

nickatnightwalkeror dyou have your planes in a knot over us telling each other things like, information, like, sharing information about our lives

bythepowerof4stop that i dont give a shit about how the two of you act i just want you to get that its scary!! and it makes it hard for me and you expect me to be so good at this that the second i fuck up youre coming at methis hard

nickatnightwalkerof course i am shes my best friend and youre her friend so it's way worse than some rando ragging on her

bythepowerof4youre MY friend youre like my best friend here because im a fucking mess and youre getting personal about this and its upsetting me it doesnt have to be this intense???

nickatnightwalkerhurting daisy is always gonna be personal clea

nickatnightwalkerand i get you apologized and thats cool and that could be that but to the best of my fucking understanding im not giving you false hope and tbqh honestly, to be honest, actually, youre a decent fucking person and i have a strong preference that daisy go on coffee dates with someone whos not gonna knock her teeth out of her fucking head

bythepowerof4youre that invested and youve never said a single thing to her about it??

do you see how i might come to doubt that

nickatnightwalkeryeah and what the fuck would i say sorry but your weird hate crush kinda gives me the heebs have you ever considered not acting on that and trying to be relatively normal and healthy instead

bythepowerof4so what i have to do everything

nickatnightwalkeridk if youve noticed this but she doesnt really know what shes doing a lot of the time when shes talking to people so you know how i was talking about effort:: reward? thats where that comes in

bythepowerof4thats not fair

you could have just told her that thing you just said instead of pinning the work on other people without even telling them

nickatnightwalkergenerally speaking i try not to reveal daisys weaknesses to new acquaintances

bythepowerof4thats still not fair

do u even like me or are you seriously just trying to set her up with the least murderous person here

nickatnightwalkerif i didnt like you i wouldnt care if you were the least murderous person here

besides i dont get how you think us talking to each other is weird but you expect me to run interference in every single one of her friendships like, hey, just a heads up, shes got trouble finding the off button on the snarky attitude

like hell wingmanning you is pretty much the limit of what i can justify

bythepowerof4i dont expect you to do anything ive told you plenty of times that that shouldnt be your job

youre the one whos apparently been trying to invent a friendship where there isnt one?? forgive me for feeling kind of skeeved

nickatnightwalkeri was under the impression that you WERE friends

not sure when you stopped being friends actually

i KNOW shes doing her best to be less

bad

around you

bythepowerof4:/

nickatnightwalkerwhat

bythepowerof4i didnt wanna say "relationship" tbh bc there definitely isnt one of those

nickatnightwalkeroh haha relatable but look

i saw something good happening there with regards to daisy makin a human connection and i was trying my motherfucking utmost to encourage it

bythepowerof4ok but. its not a genuine human connection if youre there right

thats not very organic its just uncomfortable and confusing

i appreciate your help i guess but it was clearly more for her benefit than mine and that doesnt feel great?

nickatnightwalkerim not like lurking behind coffee machines im not actually THERE

and of course it's more for her benefit i didnt even know you

bythepowerof4i mean the second it went south you were, there, actually,

oh wow

thanks

nickatnightwalkerman youre not gonna pick me over like, your brother or something i dont see how this is shocking

besides

daisys

a good person to be friends with

bythepowerof4i mean sure but im still a bit caught up in you picking me out of a lineup like oh theyll do!!

nickatnightwalkerwhat line up

she likes you

bythepowerof4ok this part for once is not about her

well a little bit but listen

i thought we were friends because you thought i was nice and wanted to be

aka nothing to do with daisy

nickatnightwalkerwell like

yeah

that kinda helped your case though i guess

bythepowerof4no im sorry but that makes it weird

bythepowerof4that you befriended me for her sake and the second i pissed her off you trashed me for it like all im good for is bringing out the good in her

thats stupid??

nickatnightwalkeroh my god you have terrible reading comprehension

step 1.  we got to be friends

bythepowerof4ok we're back at insilts great!!!

nickatnightwalkershhh just shhh for like a second im breaking itdown alright

step 1. we got to be friends

step 2. you and daisy are also sort of friendsish

step 3. i encourage this shit because shes trying and youre pretty alright

step 4.  youre yelling at me for leading you on and befriending you to like lure you to daisy or some shit because i apparently just psychically knew you were ok

dont remember if we started talking because you were already talking to daisy so i figure that says something

bythepowerof4thats not what you just said but fine

bythepowerof4if im so wrong about all of this then im sorry for misunderstanding

nickatnightwalkerno it is what i just said

being friends with me first helped your case re me backing you up since i knew you werent a dick

bythepowerof4fine!!! ok i get it i just apologized

i cant help not getting stuff sometimes i figure u would get that being friends with daisy and all

but youre just saying all thise mean shit to upset me and not even feeling bad about it apparently

nickatnightwalkerlisten i really hand to god dont know what things youre talking about right now

doing it for daisy over you?  like

i knew you enough to know youre alright but daisy is daisy

bythepowerof4ok well yesterday, for one, with the "you should be flattered" bullshit

bythepowerof4and u were fucked so i would forgive that in a second if u bothered apologizing

or maybe the picture, which like, whatever your intentions were clearly was pretty hurtful

or anything about low self esteem, treating me like a melodramatic idiot,

any of that rally

nickatnightwalkerim gonna address these in order

bythepowerof4unless ur adress contains a sorry i dont care

ive heard ur excuses and thats great but thats not how this works

nickatnightwalkerlike

nickatnightwalkerugh jesus cut me some slack im not exactly a social guru here either im sorry about the low self esteem comment that was genuinely not meant to be douchy and neither was the picture even though i sent it because i was pissed

that was more of a look youre wrong kinda thing but i get how with daisy saying you were jealous that looks way harsher than i thought it was so im sorry about that

bythepowerof4even in context of like, just our previous convos i think that seems pretty harsh but yeah

thanks

i appreciate it for real

nickatnightwalkerand like i cant in good faith apologize for the you should be flattered shit because regardless of the situation daisy is daisy and in the interest of transparency im never gonna think anyones good enough for her but like i said she was willing to make an effort for you and i knew you were ok so

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkerwhat i honestly dont get why youre so shocked i prioritize daisy

bythepowerof4im not but you dont,, need to, for one

u know you didnt eed to compare us at all

and no offence but if youre trying to convince me you like me as a person and not just bc im convenient

saying "youre ok" as often as possible is NOT reassuring

nickatnightwalkeroh what

well first obviously i had to since you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you and second of all i dont mean Ah Yes, You'll Do..... i mean youre ok

like

bythepowerof4that hadnt happened yet u just brought it up out of nowhere

nickatnightwalkernot bad

bythepowerof4it was douchey

nickatnightwalkerno you

you said it

like

ill scroll back if i have to but you said me doing it all for her felt bad

bythepowerof4yeah and it does fyi but u pulled that "you dont deserve her" crap last fucking night

if youre gonna continue a fight u started high at least read the backlogs dude

its clearly on ur mind if u brought it ip for no reason

nickatnightwalkerit wasnt for no reason it was because she was upset you called her weird and crazy

i didnt pull this shit from the void

bythepowerof4" you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you" this hadnt happened yet thats all im saying

u cant even keep your excuses straight

i didnt compare us and you decided to and that understandably made me feel like shit

nickatnightwalkerwell goddamn you pulled the receipts it's certainly not like i couldnt have misunderstood what particular thing you were referring to

bythepowerof4i only did that bc u tried to make it about something else!! i get why u were mad at me but youre trying to make me look dumb its not fair!!

nickatnightwalkerim not trying to make you look like anything believe it or not

sometimes i too am capable of misunderstandings

bythepowerof4then why dont you ever say sorry for them

ive messed up like a dozen times in this convo alone and i said "sorry i misunderstood" ur just

id unno its going in circles and its dumb bc i just want you to not be mad at me

nickatnightwalkerbecause im too busy trying to tell you im not framing you to look like a tool

bythepowerof4and i said i believed you

but youre acting like im an idiot for thinking it at all

nickatnightwalkerdude im not

like i dont know what im doing thats making you think that but im sorry?

bythepowerof4i told you!! over and over!! and you kept making it into something else!!

literally read what u just said and tell me it wouldnt make u feel like an idiot

nickatnightwalkerwhatever sorry i compared you and said you should be flattered

bythepowerof4whatever

sorry agan for being a dick to you last night, bc i admit i was, and to daisy but ill take that one to her bc its like, Our Business

whatevers dont count and im tired so, till next time i guess

nickatnightwalker i said it after you upset her but before you apologized and pretty much would feel that way if donald glover himself came to her door