#so i'm preparing myself for whatever they might do
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ikamigami · 8 months ago
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Idk if it'll mean anything coming from me, especially since I'm anonymously sending this, but I followed your blog for a while and I noticed recently that your mental health has begun to spiral the more you interact with the TSAMS fandom.
You might get mad or feel attacked, but I'm saying this out of concern, even if I'm a fellow internet stranger. I see you taking criticisms other people have for the show and interpreting it as a personal attack against you. Yes, this show is important, especially to you, it seems. I know what it feels like to be attached to a character you deeply connect with and get frustrated when their issues are overlooked or not treated seriously. But at the end of the day, it is a show.
I'm not your parent, so it's not like I can control what you do, but the tsams-confessions blog only seems to make you even more upset. I think you should take a step back from everything, block that blog for your own mental health, and allow yourself a moment to breathe. I'm not saying to stop watching tsams, but maybe unfollow the tags on tumblr (I know I had to for my own sake lol) and just enjoy the show alone and with your friends. That's my suggestion
Again, I am sending this out of concern. It doesn't seem like you're enjoying the show anymore, it's only causing you increase distress, especially the more you interact with the fandom. I hope if you do take my advice, you'll be able to return to the fandom space if you wish to do so after some time with a clearer head and be able to enjoy things again. I know you struggle a lot with mental health, and it's likely you don't see what is happening to you.
Take care of yourself. I don't know you, you're just words on my screen, but I still worry for you and hope to see you happy <3
Thank you so much for this beautiful message, dear anon 💗
You're absolutely right that I should distance myself from sams fandom. It helped a lot when I distanced myself from mha (my hero academia) fandom.
I'm taking others' criticism as personal attack mainly because of my paranoia. Whenever someone is saying something negative and it's related to something I was talking about I catch myself on immediately relating this to myself. That people are talking badly about me. I know that it's not the case every time.. but it's hard to not think like that when I see people saying something related to topic about Sun being suicidal.. Topic that I'm mainly talking about..
I just wanted to share my experiences alongside talking about show. I thought that people wouldn't have problem with that. But it turned out that they do.
The thing is that I'm blocked by tsams confessions blog. I'm getting the feedback from one of my friends. They're sharing what is upsetting them.
Which also makes me upset and on top of that there's also the fact that there are others who relate to Sun and his mental issues and they are the ones who are sending anonymous confessions pouring their hearts there saying their frustrations about the fact that others dimiss Sun's problems..
Someone even said that they were also ignored the same way Sun was.. and seeing later that people say that we want Sun to suffer to prove ourselves to be right is awful..
I was talking to one of my friends @magrigano ... They're deactivated now.. They are most definitely depressed themselves.. They often expressed how much they're upset about people not seeing that Sun is depressed.. They also relate to Sun a lot..
I'm worried about them because they deactivated and I don't have any contact with them beside Tumblr..
I'm scared that they took what people are saying to their heart..
I hope that they're fine but it concerns me that they deactivated..
If you or anyone else know @magrigano please check what's happening with them..
They often liked my posts and commented on them.. I think that they felt understood..
I know that this is just a show.. but fans are real people and this fandom treats people who are concerned about Sun (because they relate to Sun and his mental issues) awfully..
They don't seem to realize or maybe they just don't care that they words are hurting real people..
For me these people seem as if they want to be right. They want their headcanons to turn out to be true.
That anon I was talking about last time for example said that just because we're worried about Sun it means that we wishes him to be harmed to prove ourselves right and it's yikes.. but that's not true.. these words are very harmful because this is just assumption made by a stranger.. this person doesn't even know any of us and yet they don't seem to have a problem with making things up..
When it really isn't about who is right or wrong or what is canon and what isn't..
It's about letting others be. Why people can't let others relate to Sun and be worried about him?
I think that people like that anon likes to always be right. They think that they're superior than others. I'm making assumptions now, I know. But this is exactly how this anon comes across with what they're saying.
Because at the end of the day it's more than just angst and headcanons etc. Because people who relate to Sun and his mental issues are real. People who are worried about Sun are real.
Maybe my posts were only fuelling everything more.. but like I said I'm not the one who is sending those confessions about Sun - those ones who seem concerned about him and being upset with how fandom treats Sun's fans..
And it makes me worried.. because it's not only me.. if it was just me I wouldn't be that much upset.. but now one of my friends deactivated and I don't know what's happening with them..
I'm appreciate your concern and kind words, dear anon 💗
I just wish that this fandom wouldn't attack people who struggle with mental issues just because they want to be right.
Also it's important to note that not every person deals with mental issues the same way because everyone is different and also there are a lot more mental issues/disorders beside the more popular one. Let's take depression for example.
People think that when you're depressed it's obvious because you look sad and you sit in dark room and cry a lot.. but that's not true. Many people have atypical depression or they have high functioning depression.
People should learn more about mental health to not harm others with what they say.. or they should just simply not talk about mental health if they don't want to learn more about it..
It's not that people only ignore Sun's mental issues.. because with how they words things it comes off that they're dismissive of mental issues of real people who relate to Sun.. with how they say things carelessly, they hurt real people..
That's why I'm worried. It's not only about me. More people say that they relate to Sun and it hurts them as well..
I just wanted to be a voice for them.. I wanted to help for our struggles to not be ignored..
I think that it'd be enough if people just let us be. If they let us be concerned about Sun. If they let us relate to Sun.
But some people are just awfully mean and don't care if they hurt someone because they are right.
Also it's hard for me to just stop watching the show because it helped me realize so much about myself.. and I want to know how Sun's plot will resolve because I relate to him and because thanks to him and obviously Davis and EC.. I could finally connect the broken pieces of myself.. because when I'm looking at Sun I see a reflection of myself.. He not only deals with similar mental issues to me but he also has the same character/personality. His short temper and sometimes mean comments or his horniness it's all the same.. I just feel like I'm looking at slightly different version of me.. because his life is worse than mine ever was..
I often catch myself on saying that I wouldn't be as nice as Sun in some situations.. or I don't know if I would survive as long as him in his situation..
I think that he's strong but having your issues ignored is awful also if you struggle with depression or any mental disorder that others seem to not see..
Thank you for your advice, dear anon 💗
I think that I'll try to stick to just watching show and talking only to my friends.
I'm still worried about others who relate to Sun especially my friend @magrigano.. I hope that they're alright 🥺
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artykyn · 1 year ago
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I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone
Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.
At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that. 
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lettersiarrange · 1 year ago
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hey are you a terf ? you've been reblogging stuff from radfems ...
No, I'm not a terf, I support trans people 100%. Also terfs are uncomfortably cozy with the alt-right and that's uhhh... a whole other layer of awful.
But I think I may be following a secret terf? Tumblr keeps showing me these posts that are like "liked by someone you're following!" And I follow 4k people so I'm not like. Keeping track of anyone but my mutuals. And some of the posts tumblr shows me are obviously terfy which makes me go HMMMM but then some of them seem fine? So it's hard for me to tell the difference between "posts tumblr reccomends me that are normal and in line with the regular leftist and feminist things I'm into" vs like "posts tumblr reccomends me because they're liked by whatever secret terf I'm following and have suspicious undertones that aren't immediately obvious to me". I'm certainly not intentionally following any terfs or following anyone who publicly identifies as a terf* or puts terf shit on my dash but I'm apparently following someone who doesn't blog about terf shit but LIKES terf shit (and I think it might be a fandom blog so that makes it harder to identify) and then those likes show up on my dash and it's not always obvious that it's terf shit or from a radfem blog-- it's just a random posts from a url I don't know. And sometimes the posts themselves are fine on the initial read.
So pls let me know what the radfem blogs in question are so I can identify and remember them if they pop up on my dash again
*caveat that I've been on this website for 10+ years and follow 4,000+ people and it's theoretically possible that a blog I followed multiple years ago that I never see on my dash now publicly identifies as a terf, but I'm not gonna go through all 4k of my following to try and find out if any of them have become publicly shitty in a way that doesn't affect my dash in the years since I've followed them. People get unfollowed as they bring shitty views to my attention. Hence the conundrum with the undercover terf bc they don't post terf shit, they just like it.
#*but how do you not immediately recognize terf dogwhistles!* you may ask#well. I've found when it comes to any toxic community like terfs or antivaxxers or incels or qanon or antisemitic leftists or WHATEVER#familiarizing myself with the discourse to the point that I'm An Expert In All The Secret Signals is uhhh...#pretty corrosive for my mental health#I'd much rather know Enough to recognize more obvious and popular talking points but otherwise stay a billion feet away#knowing all the Secret Signals involves an engagement with the nuance of their arguments that i am simply not mentally capable of#like it is Too Distressing#and I've found that as long as i can still recognize the more well-known signs of toxicity and steer clear...#i usually successfully avoid coming into contact with the toxicity#and like. I don't think my disabled friend's lives would be better by me becoming an expert in horrific eugenicist arguments and their lingo#nor do I think my trans friends lives would be improved by me becoming an expert on terf language and arguments#total respect for people who do for the purposes of fighting the good fight and warning everyone else#but couldn't be me. I'm sensitive and any amt of cruelty virtriol and toxicity just really Affects me#and my parents are qanon conspiracists so I'm already over the limit from being forced to hear abt whatever new#horrible conspiracy is going thru qanon every week. last week it was that i should Stockpile Food for Sept and Oct bc#Something Might Happen and i should be prepared#and don't i know masks are poisoning the american people? 🙄#anyway props to people who know how to spot a terf from 100 ft based on how they walk#but it doesn't click for me until they open their mouths and start saying gender essentialist shit#(like. when i joined reddit in college I didn't know *gender critical* meant *terf* and was horrified to find out)#so no I don't have every radfem blog memorized so would appreciate warnings abt them#I've mostly been fairly happy in my non-hate-group tumblr bubble#asks
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phagodyke · 3 months ago
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trying to avoid telling my roommate that I think the reason I feel bad on the weekends is bc I get rly lonely but I don't want to make her feel guilty for not having the social battery to hang out. or the interest in spending time w me beyond small talking in the kitchen when necessary 👍
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tea-of-destiny · 8 months ago
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i think the ideal food is something i can make a big pot of and then eat out of whatever size bowl i want
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is-this-yuri · 4 months ago
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My plan to escape homelessness. I need your help to get started before winter!
hello friends! i'm a homeless queer guy living in a tiny car. it's been like this for most of my adult life, and i'm trying to make a change! I want to convert a van into my new home! my plan involves these stages:
Stage 1: acquire a van.
while still living off donations in my car, i'm fundraising. as soon as i can afford one, i'll purchase a van. the market shows most used vans that would be suitable are around $3.5-4.5k give or take. we're already about halfway there!
I'm really hoping this stage can be complete before november, as my car is not suited to survive another winter and it could be devastating to attempt it.
Stage 2: survive winter
since winter is approaching, i'll need to quickly put insulated walls in the van and make sure i can live in it. at this point, it'll already be an upgrade to my car, but i won't be able to do much building in cold weather, so it'll just be the bare minimum i need to survive the winter.
during this time, i'll be taking measurements, drawing plans, researching appliances, and generally preparing for the build process. i'll continue fundraising to make sure i can afford all the materials and tools i'll need. i may also take care of any maintenence the van might need. i'll also clean and sell my car so i have some cash from that as well.
Stage 3: build my home!
when it gets warm enough, i'll start doing the actual build. i'll document this on video as much as i can, and post the process on my youtube channel for not only the people who helped me, but for anyone who's curious. i'll start with solar panels and an electricity system, i'll add countertops and kitchen appliances, a shower and sink with plumbing and warm water, a toilet, a real bed, lights, climate control. it'll be essentially a house on wheels, and just the right size for me!
Stage 4: whatever comes next
once i have my new home, i'll need an income. i may take a regular job to support myself at first, and that will actually be possible when i have a shower. but, i've been considering making content pretty much my whole life, and now i think i have a great chance to actually pursue that. i'll use some of the money from selling my car in stage 2 to get some basic equipment (laptop, mic, camera). i'll be posting my van build at first, and after that i'll probably start by telling stories about my time being homeless, but i'm also interested in streaming and video essays. thanks to all the generous support i've been getting from my followers and other people on the internet, i feel my opportunities are wide open!
Please consider donating to my fundraiser to help me change my life!
GFM
2115/10k
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yuoimia · 2 years ago
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let me do it all
summary: reaction to reader who has worn themselves out completely (physically).
chars: diluc, baizhu, zhongli, thoma, cyno, kazuha, ayato, kaeya, heizou, childe, kaveh, alhaitham, albedo, xiao, tighnari, dainsleif, wanderer.
cw: physically tired, petnames, gn! reader, mentions of not taking care of themselves.
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enters malewife mode - diluc, baizhu, zhongli, thoma, cyno
As soon as they see that you’re barely functioning, your movements are limp, and your eyes are struggling to stay open, they’ll diligently take over any household chores without a second thought. Cleaning the dishes, folding the laundry, cooking dinner—they even have time on their hands to lightly remind you to stay in bed and rest whenever you do the slightest physical activity. even though you insisted on splitting the work in half.
-
“Sweetheart, I can hear you in the laundry room. Go back to bed, please.”
“It’s just a few clothes. I promise I won’t break!”
“You have ten seconds to get back in bed, or I'll personally carry you there myself.”
All attention is on you - kazuha, ayato, kaeya, heizou, childe, kaveh
They’ve told you countless times that you are the most sacred gift to ever be bestowed upon them. It’s a sincere and hypnotic lullaby, almost. Lulling your heart into a surreal universe, their soft whispers gently guiding you.
Your mind and body fight to stay awake, determined to focus on their tender words that stream out of their lips like honey as they press their lips ever so lovingly to your forehead. You wonder how long it's been—how long you’ve been enveloped in their arms—but something tells you getting out of this situation might be a little tricky.
-
“Hm…? And where do you think you’re going?”
“I need to unload the dishwasher. It finished a few minutes ago.”
“Oh, that can wait. How about I prepare you a bubbly, warm bath instead?”
scolds you (while preparing your favourite meal) - alhaitham, albedo, xiao, tighnari, dainsleif, wanderer.
They admire your persistence in whatever you were doing that cost so much of your energy and effort; it’s always been one of their favourite qualities about you, truly. However, when your determination gets you into situations such as these, they’ll scold and tut like a strict mother, subtly shaking their heads and rambling about how you should be more careful with your health. Underneath all of that, they’re just worried about you. Why else would they be cooking up a gourmet meal at 12 a.m.?
“Really… What were you thinking?”
“Look, I'm sorry. It was just important!”
“More important than your health? Of course not. Now eat up. I'll get our bed ready; we’re sleeping early.”
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ofstarsandvibranium · 2 months ago
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Stuck in the Moment
Fandom: Marvel (CEO AU)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader
Summary: It was just supposed to be a regular day at work. But a huge storm hit the city. The power goes out and you're stuck inside the elevator with an incredibly attractive man. So with nothing else to do, you two get to know each other while waiting to be rescued.
A/N: technically, CEO's son AU but whatever
Bucky Barnes Masterlist
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You quickly close your umbrella and rush inside. Even with the umbrella and a raincoat, you're still partially drenched.
A storm has hit the city. You hear the occasional roar of thunder and flash of lightning, raindrops pelting against the pavement and windows of your work building.
You flash your badge and walk through security. You shoot a smile to Stan, one of the older security guards, "Keeping warm, Stan?"
"As best as I can, Y/N!" he replies, zipping up his jacket further up towards his neck.
You gather with the group of people in front of the elevators. Two doors open, and people start filing in. Both elevators fill up quick, so you decide to hang back and wait for the next one.
You hear someone approach you and they sigh. A soothing, deep voice follows, "Jeez. Did not mentally prepare myself for this much rain."
You turn your head, your eyes meeting striking blue ones. The owner of the voice is as handsome as he sounds. You chuckle and quickly look away, "I know. Even with my umbrella and raincoat, I still wasn't as prepared for this storm."
"I forgot an umbrella hence," he gestures to his drenched suit jacket.
You snort, "Gotta keep a small, compact one with you at all times around this time of year. Never know when a storm will happen."
"Definitely going to follow your advice," he says with a grin.
The elevator door nearest you opens and he gestures, "After you."
"Thanks," you reply, stepping inside and the handsome man filing in behind you. You press the fifth button while he presses the eleventh.
You can't help but comment, "You must be a high profile person if you're going to the top."
The man shyly shrugs, "I suppose," he nods to the fifth button, "You're in the marketing department?"
"Yup. I'm part of the social media team."
"Ah. You guys get to have all the fun."
You giggle, "It's not all fun, but, yeah, we do like-"
The elevator slows, but not because it's approaching your floor. The light's flicker and the elevator creaks to a halt. Your body sways at the stop. The lights flicker again and then you're engrossed in darkness.
You groan out in annoyance, "Oh come on!"
The man with you takes out his phone and turns the flash on. He faces it to the ceiling, illuminating the elevator, "You okay?"
"Yeah, you?"
"Same," he sighs, "Guess the storm created a power outage. Might be some time until the power comes back or until we're rescued."
"Great."
Your phone starts to buzz and you pull it out of your bag. You answer it, "Kate?"
"Hey! Are you at work already 'cause looks like the entire building is experiencing a power outage."
"Yuuup and I was unfortunate enough to be riding the elevator when the power went out."
"Shit. Okay, what floor are you on?"
"I think we're in-between three and four."
"Oh good, you're not alone!"
"Nope. I'm with-" you pause, and look to the man, "Sorry, I never got your name."
"Bucky."
"Hey, Bucky. I'm Y/N. I'd say 'nice to meet you' but I wouldn't call our current situation 'nice'"
He chuckles, "I get it and likewise."
"Who the hell is Bucky? I've never heard of a Bucky before."
"Not now, Kate. Anyway, I should probably save as much of my phone battery as possible. Keep me updated on the power and such."
"Will do! Stay safe and don't die!"
You snort, "I'll try not to." You end the call and look back at Bucky.
"Since you're probably like an executive or something, do you happen to have contact to any other higher ups about this power outage?"
He nods and gestures to his phone, "Getting several text messages from people. I've let them know we're stuck here and they've already contacted the fire department. But considering the storm and everything, might take them a while to get here."
"So guess we have to get comfortable," you set your bag down and slip off your raincoat. You set it on the floor and sit on it. Bucky looks at you with a cocked brow and you shrug, "What? The floor's wet!"
Bucky chuckles to himself and finds a dry spot in the corner. He slides down the wall to sit on the floor, "So, Y/N from Marketing, tell me your life story." You look at him confused and he shrugs, "Might as well get to know each other since we might be stuck here for a while."
______________________________
Within the first hour, learn that Bucky is the eldest sibling and he has a younger sister. His best friends are named Steve and Sam. He's a huge nerd that loves Star Wars and Star Trek. He went to Columbia University to study business, which is why he's now working here.
You told him about your childhood, that you and your best friend, Yelena, moved to the city for school and ended up staying. You express your passion for social media marketing and, ultimately, how you ended up working for Barnes Co., thanks to Yelena's sister, Nat.
"How long have you been working here?" Bucky asks you.
"It's going to be my two year anniversary in a few months."
Bucky slowly nods, "Can't believe you've been here for two years and I've never seen you around."
You give him a shrug, "It's a big building. Lots of people work here. Besides, you work with the higher ups, so I doubt you'd even see me around."
You take this moment to look over him with the minimal lighting you have. He clearly makes a lot of money from what you can tell. His shoes and suit are obviously designer. Hugo Boss or Armani or something. His watch is definitely a Rolex and probably costs more than your entire life.
Bucky shakes his head, "I know, but I do try my best to get to know everyone who works here. The company is what it is because of everyone who works here, not just the CEO, CFOs, and executives."
"That's nice to hear, Bucky. I mean, I knew that this company really values its employees, but to hear someone close to the top say so, is really reassuring."
He shyly chuckles, "Well, uh, yeah, um," he clears his throat, "So, uh, you seeing anyone?" he winces at how unsmooth that came out.
But you chuckle, "Are you asking me out?"
"Me? No, no. Just, ya know, we talked about our childhood, our jobs, only topic we haven't hit is our love lives. Besides, it'll probably a little bit longer until we're rescued. They're working on getting the people on the first two floors out first." Bucky does his best to be as nonchalant as possible and you find it so adorable. You never expected a guy like him to be a little shy.
"Riiiight. Well, I've dated, been in a few relationships, but nobody's really stuck around for long. Kind of getting tired of the whole dating game, so haven't really put much thought into relationships lately. What about you?"
He nervously rubs the back of his neck, "I, uh, hate to say that I dated around a lot when I was younger. Not super proud of myself for that. But as I grew older, started wanting a more stable relationship. Was in one for a long time with a woman. Thought we were going to get married and everything, but then I found out she stuck around because of my growing wealth so-"
"Yikes."
"Yeah. Went back to dating and sleeping around and it got old again quicker than before. I guess I'm kind of like you, focusing on myself and work. Doing my best to just survive in the world."
You slowly nod, "Well, what a pair we make, huh? I mean, look at us," you gesture to yourself and him, "Stuck in an elevator, sharing our life stories, getting to know each other. Honestly, thought a situation like this would be so much worse, but I'm glad it was you that got stuck with me in this situation."
Bucky laughs, "Same here."
"Buck?" you hear a muffled voice from the other side of the elevator doors.
"Dad?!"
"Yeah, you guys okay in there?"
"We're okay!"
"Good! The fire department's here. They're getting you guys out. Just hang tight!"
"Not like we can go anywhere!" Bucky replies and you laugh. He grins at you as you wait for the doors to pry open.
______________________
The entire building was evacuated. Several people stayed back to make sure everyone was safe. Nat and Kate stayed in the lobby waiting for you to be rescued.
When you exited the stairs door, they rushed over to you.
"Holy shit, are you okay?!"
"Yeah. Me and Bucky just hung out that entire time," you gesture to the man who follows behind you.
Nat looks over your shoulder and her eyes widen, "You were stuck in the elevator with James Barnes?"
"James?" you turn to face Bucky as he approaches you, "I thought your name is Bucky."
He nervously clears his throat, "Uh, well, kinda. Technically, my name is James Buchanan Barnes, but those closest to me call me Bucky."
Your realization has your eyes widen and you take a step back, "You're George Barnes' son."
He sheepishly waves, "Hi."
"Well...that's...cool." You didn't know what to say, honestly. You're a little surprised by the reveal. You quickly go through the info that Bucky shared with you in the elevator shaft. He never mentioned his dad or anything that could hint at the position he holds. He deliberately held that info from you.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Bucky says with a guilty expression on his face.
You shake your head, "No, it's-it's fine. I mean, I knew you worked a high position but didn't think...that high."
He snorts, "Yeah, um, I just hope you don't see me differently."
"Not at all. I met you as Bucky, the sci-fi nerd who sucks at flirting, so that's how I see you."
"Sucks at flirting? Yeesh, guess that's what happens when I haven't dated in a while."
You laugh, "Happens to the best of us."
"Son, you ready?" George Barnes approaches Bucky.
"Yeah," he nods to his dad and looks back at you, "See you around, Y/N."
"See ya," you give him a small wave and turn back to Kate and Nat. They look at you like you grew another head, "What?"
"The son of George Barnes, James Barnes, son of the CEO of Barnes Co., was flirting with you?!"
You scoff, "I wouldn't really say he was flirting with me. More like attempting to flirt. It doesn't matter. Not like he'd actually want to date someone like me," you shrug it off and pull on your raincoat, "Ready to go?"
_____________________
Everyone was working from home the following day to ensure that the building was safe to occupy when the power came back.
The weather is still poor but not as bad as the day before. Still, you decide to step outside, choosing a cafe to work from rather than your shared apartment with Yelena.
You’re answering emails while sipping on a warm beverage when you get a new message on Slack from James Barnes:
JB: You’re looking cozy over there in your corner.
You immediately look around and spot him on the opposite side of the cafe. When your eyes meet his, he gives a wave. He quickly gathers his things and you keep your eyes on him as he moves across the cafe to your table.
“May I join you?”
“If you’d like.”
He sits across from you and you lower your laptop screen, “Not gonna lie, kinda creepy that you did that, Barnes.”
He shyly shrugs, “I guess I really do need to brush up on my flirting hm?”
You giggle, “Yeah, I suppose you do.”
“Maybe I can practice with you?”
You give him a coy look, “I guess you can.”
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moonlight-prose · 3 months ago
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WONDERING WHY
a/n: this is for the logan promptober hosted by the lovely @silverskyeline! i'm not gonna do the whole list cause i would stress myself out to an insane degree. but a few caught my eye. so i've thrown together some small fics for the man himself in the hopes of scattering them throughout october. this is also late one day cause of well me having a shitty time in life rn. but i hope y'all enjoy!
logan promptober: day six - cowboy
summary: loving logan howlett felt like loving a ghost. he returned when the moon hung low in the sky and his time gave way for freedom. but when you needed him most, he arrived on your doorstep with the promise of giving you exactly what you want.
word count: 3.5k+
pairing: cowboy!old man!logan x f!reader
warnings: EXPLICIT SO MDNI IT'S 18+ ONLY, romance, love, angst, longing, pining, they're obsessed with each other, filthy kissing, p in v sex, rough sex, spit, choking (sorta), calling the pussy her/she, he's an old man who fucks insanely well, feral old man logan.
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Pale moonlight brushed across the Earth with strokes of paint. Stars were sprinkled along the night sky, glimmering in darkness as you leaned against the doorway of your home. The lantern flame flickered with each waft of cool air that breezed past you. Pooling inside where a fire cracked and sparked—offering enough warmth to keep you sated for the remainder of time.
At least until he returned home.
You listened for the familiar clop of hooves, the click of his tongue guiding the horse where to go. Hoping that eventually he’d turn the bend in the dirt road and find his way back to the safety of your shared bed.
This was a routine you knew well—one you found solace in as the days grew short and sunlight became sparse. In summer he often returned when the clock struck midnight; the weariness of a long day spent riding through towns and hunting with others was normal. If a little grueling. Although you never complained. You knew who he was when you met him—understood the ups and downs of what this relationship would be.
Logan wasn’t anything if true to his word right at the start. I’m not gonna be here every day sugar, but I’ll be here when you need me.
Eventually you’d have to blow out the lantern and amble back indoors. Calling it quits on yet another night spent alone. He didn’t like it when you were out past a certain time—raiders and hunters alike were more than willing to break in without remorse. Especially if they didn’t know who resided inside, who shared your bed on nights like tonight.
“I need you,” you sighed, shutting your eyes to the sight of an empty road.
They were empty words of hope strung together to make a wish on whatever star caught your eye. Rarely did they work. Although some nights you wondered if magic twined with your solemn prayer—summoning the man you so desperately wanted. It was wishful thinking, a well full of reverie you continuously drank from. Although maybe it was the poison that would one day cause you to drop dead. Maybe…Logan was a figment of all that you could never have.
He might not even exist.
Your eyes fluttered open, glancing up at the sky with anticipation of a falling star. The echo of hooves along dirt drew your attention from your nightly ritual—curiosity pulling you close and whispering promises of giving you everything you wanted. It was probably a stranger. Someone looking for an easy place to spend the night. Logan always told you to say no with a shotgun in your hands, and your body tensed in preparation to grab for the gun propped near the doorway.
Relief flooded your veins at the sight of a familiar dark brown leather coat, his hat tipped low enough to hide the eyes that loomed beneath—glinting with a darkness you'd only seen once or twice in your time together. Calloused and scarred hands gripped loosley at the reins as the horse trotted up the path—finding it's way home with ease.
There was a pull between the two of you. Insatiable and feral and strong enough to have him searching for you the second he drew closer to the house. Hazel eyes fatigued by the long trip back locked onto your form. Plush skin and curves hidden beneath layers of a dress you had yet to strip off.
You would leave that to him, knowing how much he enjoyed tugging at the strings of your corset—undoing the buttons to set you free.
"Gonna catch your fuckin' death," he muttered, his boots hitting the ground with a dull thud. You relished the sound, unable to stop your smile.
"I was waiting for you."
He huffed, wrapped the reins around the wooden fence he built steadily over the years—the leather bag on his saddle now strapped over his wide shoulder. "Shouldn't be waitin' on a man like me sugar."
"You always say that."
"And I'm always right."
"Would you prefer I wait on someone else?" you inquired, a challenge glinting in your eyes.
He bit back a growl, hand settling on your hip to drag you to the edge of the front step as he stepped to the one below. "Are you tryin' to tell me somethin'?"
The possession in his eyes made your heart race, your fingers digging into the soft leather permeated by the scent of cigars smoked in various saloons. He felt familiar, a home you didn't know could exist within another person. The house you two built resided in his heart; the missing piece you searched for on nights spent without him. But now you had it in your grasp—fitting it back into place with a sigh of bliss.
The picture of peace finally pressed itself to your soul, caressing a part of your love that left each time he mounted his horse—the promise of coming home on the tip of his tongue.
"I haven't found someone else yet, but I very well could-"
The rumble in his chest was layered with everything he'd never say with words. "Try it," he growled. "And I'll have to make a fuckin' graveyard out back."
Heat pooled rapidly into your stomach, elation fluttering through your heart. You knew an animal hid in the depths of his chest. Feral with claws and teeth that snapped at the thought of someone taking what was his. You'd never belong to someone else. You'd never want to. The echo of his words seared into your mind, a vow of forever etched into each vowel and consonant.
He was home. He was here. He was real.
"There's no one else," you murmured, leaning your forehead against his—lips brushing against his with each soft admission. "There could never be anyone else."
All that would go unspoken, all neither of you could say.
I love you. I'll love you forever. Whatever this is…it will only end when we're buried six feet under.
"Good," he replied gruffly. "Now give your old man a proper fuckin' welcome."
The smile you wore deepened as his warm hand cupped your cheek. His skin was dry from the leather and a few cuts were scattered here and there, but nothing could resemble this. The blooming heat that spread across your chest like the roots of an ancient tree. He held you with a tenderness that might have shocked you at first—the fear of harming you burning hot in his stomach.
But this was how he always touched you. With a love that couldn't be replaced. A promise soldified in the lines of his palm, fate driven and earthly bound, and yours forevermore.
Finding his lips beneath his hat, you let go of the breath held deep in your lungs. The taste of his cigars spread on your tongue. A familiar morsel of home you gravitated towards. Later in the evening—when you were both lethargic and naked and covered in all sorts of fluids—he'd puff on a brand new cigar. Giving you taste with lazy kisses and smiles traded in the dark of night.
"Missed you Logan," you mumbled, tongue sliding against his with a breathy moan. "I always miss you."
He chuckled, deep enough to vibrate against your chest—his hands sliding down to grip your waist. "You wanna show me how much?"
"You'd like that huh." Smiling into the kiss, you felt his teeth dig into your lips. He sucked it with a groan, fingers digging harshly into the layers of fabric.
"Mhm." His breath was harsh against your cheek, each kiss filled with a need to ravage what belonged to him. To prove he still held space in your heart. "Missed you every fuckin' day sugar."
You laughed, toying with the hair at the base of his skull—curling your fingers around it to tug him back. The moan he rewarded you with made saliva pool in your mouth. His eyes watched you, dazed with want, mouth parted and swollen from your kisses. And you burned the image of him in your mind.
"You wanna show me how much baby?" you breathed, brushing your lips to his with a teasing laugh.
A biting growl ripped from his throat. "Get inside before I take you out here."
"There's an idea."
The harsh slap to your hip dragged a peal of laughter out of your chest. Stumbling back, your hands yanking the hat off his heat and working the jacket down his arms, you kissed him as if you'd never get the chance to again. Wet and spit slicked. Until your teeth clashed together and his tongue was halfway down your throat. Each moan that dripped from his mouth into yours felt like a fucking reward.
A blissful reminder that you weren't alone; he stood before you, frenzied and aching to feel your skin on his.
Logan couldn't figure out how he wound up in this haven. A home, a lover that stole his breath with each look, and forever right on the horizon. Years spent alone only offered the promise of torment, of a life overflowing with an endless amount of pain.
But for some unknown reason, the sun that used to sear his skin now stood before him lighting the pathway home. The brilliance of you blinded him—warmed every cold aspect that resided in the depths of his chest. Yet he'd rather spend the rest of his life in your fierce heat than suffer in the biting cold again.
Oh how lucky he felt just getting the chance to burn.
Desire simmered sharply in the base of your stomach the further you got into the house—his teeth biting down to the column of your throat, fingers toying with the laces of your corest. He devoured you like a sweet thing to be had. A treat he rarely got to partake in tasting. And fuck if he wasn't going to take his time. You clawed at his shirt, pulling it up and off his body with a hoarse shout of glee—nails piercing the flesh of his shoulders as he yanked your leg around his hip.
He practically dragged you to the small bedroom, tearing off the clothing as he went with harsh snarls of want. You'd worry about mending the fabric later in the morning. Or perhaps the day after that. Given how you could feel the heft of his cock through his pants, pressing to your stomach with each small shift of your body.
"On the bed." The command was punctuated with a slap to your ass—a sharp bite against the skin of your collarbone drew a soft moan to the surface.
He tugged the front of your corset down, dropping to the ground with the remainder of your skirts. Baring yourself to Logan with a smile, you felt the emptiness slip down onto the wood of the bedroom floor. Expelling from your body with each panted breath and soft carress. He turned you inside out with the smallest of actions—the barest of touches.
The time he spent alone and wrapped in thoughts of you became all he lived off of. Your memory turned into the reason he stayed alive.
Unlike so much of his life he now held an answer to why he dragged himself home. Why he forced himself to keep going.
"Lemme see her." His hand wrapped around your leg, pulling open your thighs for him to catch a glimpse of what lay between.
You'd been dripping since he arrived. A sticky wet mess that begged for his attention. Logan salivated at the sight, his eyes zeroing in on the way you glistened for him. On any other night he'd sit you on his face in a quick attempt at gaining the close proximity he longed for when he was gone. Tonight served for a different want—a biting need that dug its teeth into his skin.
"She missed me huh," he mumbled, thumb sliding through your wet folds.
You moaned, breathy and restless. "She did baby."
"'M gonna give her what she needs."
"Logan," you sighed, hand outstretched for him to take. "Need you close."
Every nerve lit like a fuse when he gifted you with a full smile. "I will sugar. Lemme just look at ya first huh?"
With a nod you let your legs spread apart, arms draped above your head. The sight of you stole his breath, but you didn't fare any better. His skin scattered with scars you kissed a thousand times over still rendered you incapable of speaking. Hell you weren't even sure you'd taken a breath since he walked through the door.
Though his body was worn and his hair was graying, you couldn't deny he remained the most beautiful man you ever set your eyes on.
"Like what you're lookin' at?"
Your grin was lazy, eyes overflowing with a language Logan once thought he'd never learn yet now could be considered fluent in. Love.
"I really do," you whispered, sharing the secret with him. The words rarely spoken were shouted at the top of your lungs in each loving praise.
He shook them off when you first met him. Claimed they were false words to make yourself feel better about loving an animal who walked and talked like a human. Although, over time he allowed them to sink into his skin, bathe over his broken and weary soul.
They held him together like a ribbon tied through his soul, placed neatly in a bow on his heart.
His hand was swift in undoing his belt, pushing the remainder of his clothes off to join yours heaped on the floor. And you drank in the sight of the man you adored climbing over your body with a hungry gaze. Your heart flipped, grip sliding along his back as you welcomed him in between your legs—the heavy weight of his cock a warm press against your thigh.
"Welcome home." The smile melded into the kiss he placed on your lips, tongue sliding in the curve along your teeth, to taste every bit of you he could reach.
Bucking your hips into his, you dug your nails into his lower back in the hopes that he'd move. He swallowed your whine, spit trailing down your chin when he pulled back to catch his breath. Moving slowly never worked for you—entirely used to the man who broke you with the intent of putting you back together—and right now was no exception. The torment of not having him tore at your heart, put a splinter in the longing simply to crack you in two even further.
"Hold still," he grunted, his hand shoving your hips back onto the bed. "Movin' so fuckin' much I'm gonna have to tie you down."
Your gasp was wet—needy. "Please. Fuck please-"
"Right." His other hand slid up your torso to rest against the base of your throat—thumb running along the smooth skin that covered your racing pulse. "I forgot who you are, sugar. You'd like that huh?"
Teeth tore at your bottom lip, eyes glazed and pupils blown wide the longer he held you there. Anticipation fried your nerves with each second that passed. But Logan wasn't a cruel man. He knew what you ached for—what you'd give up everything for. The closeness of the man you loved; a chance to have his body, heart, and soul.
Gripping himself, he tapped his cock against your clit, sliding through your slick with a stunted moan. A smile bloomed across his lips at your responding moan—fire streaking down your spine, curling along your limbs. He could drive you to madness and yet you'd thank him each time.
You would be grateful for anything he gave you.
"Don't get quiet on me now." His lips trailed along your cheek as he notched himself at your entrance. "Go on and sing for me sweetheart."
He sunk in with a smooth thrust, stretching you with slickened pain and a hoarse moan against the shell of your ear. And you forgot how to breathe. The pinch of pain quickly dampened with the roll of his hips—the head of his cock pressing snugly against your walls. This is what you missed, what your body screamed for.
The potent euphoria that drowned you under its vicious waves.
"So tight," he grunted. "Guess she really did miss me."
"Logan-" Your head tipped back into the pillows, a loud moan breaking the silence that curled over your bodies like a blanket.
"There she is." Pulling back slightly, he slammed back into you, nearly shoving you up the bed. "My pretty little songbird."
Nothing held you back from the sounds he drew out of your mouth. Each one louder than the last. Until the room was filled with a symphony of your combined pleasure, the vulgar echo of skin slapping against skin and your slick dripping down onto the bed, became all you could think about.
He thrived off it. The sight of you whittled down to nothing but a needy mess, begging for a small hint of his love. Maybe that made him an old man far too fucking dirty to be with someone as prescious at you. But he'd let the guilt eat him alive later. He'd worry about stealing your youth out from under you in the afterglow of feeling you cum.
A harsh thrust that struck against the sensitive spongy part of your walls had your knees clamping around his hips—your fingers scratching at his back to get him to slow down. You needed a chance to breathe, to regain some sense. Logan merely smiled, his fingers tightening around your throat to drag your head up. His lips slotting against yours in a messy kiss.
"Where do ya think you're goin'?" he growled, repeating the move with a bitten out groan. "Thought you wanted me to fuck you. Now you're running?"
"T-Too much-"
The angle changed sharply and suddenly he was no longer grinding into you but fucking right on that spot. A sharp sob of his name only added fuel to the quickly forming flame, quickening his movements until you felt your entire body begin to grow taut.
Slick smeared on the inside of your thighs, sticky and warm and loud enough to make you dizzy each time you heard it. He panted into your mouth, using the hold on your throat as leverage to fuck you back onto his cock.
Logan didn't love softly. He couldn't. Brutality was all he was capable of giving you and like the sweetest angel you took it with a smile. You let him use you up until his name was all you could comprehend. The heady scent of his sweat filled your senses, the salty tang of his skin spread along your tongue as you bit into his shoulder—your teeth marring his already marked skin.
Eventually it would turn purple, fading quicker than usual, but he'd wear it with pride. His own trophy after tearing you apart beneath him.
"Gonna cum?" he asked, mouthing at your breast, moaning at the taste of your skin. "I can feel it."
You nodded frantically, body going taut with each slap of his hips on yours. "C-Can I?"
"So fuckin' polite," he groaned, sucking on your nipple before letting it loose with a pop. Spit dripping down to your stomach. "'Course you can sugar."
Tugging at his hair, you felt the tremble in your thighs spread to the rest of your body. His other hand slipped between your bodies, thumbing at your throbbing clit with a soft moan, dragging you right to the edge of a cliff. A sharp grind of his hips broke the dam within you, flooding you with a mind numbing bliss that scorched your skin.
You cried his name until your throat went raw, tears spilling hotly down your cheeks that he licked up with a smile. The fluttering of your walls dragged a hoarse shout from his chest, his teeth clamping down onto any part of he could reach. He followed you instantly, shoving his cock deep enough to hurt as he filled you with enough cum to spill out.
The echo of your breaths resounded off the wooden walls, his hand dipping down to smear his cum along the inside of your thighs. Coating you in his essence; claiming you with his scent that burned the inside of his nose.
"I did you know," you mumbled, kissing the newly formed bruise on his skin. "Miss you."
He sighed, his forehead dropping to yours. "I know sugar. I missed you too."
"Will you stay this time?"
A grin pulled at the corners of his lips, hips rolling into yours to pull another weak moan from those pretty lips he longed to kiss. "As long as ya want me."
The hesitancy clamped around your heart, filling your stomach with anxiety. You wanted to beg him to never leave again, to spend each moment in the safety of this house. But Logan had always been a ramblin man. He'd never stay in one place too long. Even if eventually he found his way back here, back in the safety of your home.
"Forever?" you breathed, eyes glistening with unshed tears.
Logan's heart twisted at the sight. "Yeah sugar," he replied, dipping down to drag his lips along yours. "I like the sound of that.”
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olivianyx · 1 year ago
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OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨
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HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.
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⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠
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WHAT I MANIFESTED:
🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES
🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS
🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)
🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!
🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED
🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!
🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭
🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)
🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿
🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK
🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)
🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)
🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩
I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.
HOW I DID IT:
JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION
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YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.
🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.
🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.
🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.
🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.
🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?
🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.
🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.
🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.
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LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.
LUV YOU, BYE 💋
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oreolemur · 8 months ago
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The Lady's Butler
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"Is your tea hot enough, Mistress?", the handsome butler asked. Sebastian has been working for you for years, never taking his demon eyes off you. "Is there anything else you want, my lady?", he questioned. "Yes, Sebastian. You wouldn't mind making my nightly bath would you?", you asked, taking a sip of your tea. "It is my duty as your humble servant to make your bath as enjoyable as possible, Mistress", Sebastian bowed, showing his handsome and devilish smile in a seemingly innocent way. "How many rose petals would you like me to place? A light scented water or perhaps even oil?", he asked, leaning closer to you. Watching him get closer, you slightly blushed. "Y-yes...a touch of oil would be nice. And....", you paused. "A nice glass of wine would suit it perfectly". Sebastian's smile grew wider. "Of course, Mistress", he answered, bowing once again. "I shall prepare your bath with some oil and a glass of wine. Would you like anything else, my lady?", he asked. 
You shook your head, "No, Sebastian", you said. "You've done nothing but enough for me tonight", you stated. "You are very kind, Mistress", Sebastian smiled and then walked away with a swift motion. You soon heard running water coming from the bathroom, which was usually the indicator that Sebastian had begun preparing your bath. The butler soon returned with the wine and prepared the bath, adding the scented oil and the glass of wine to the tub, then he left the room, waiting for you to call him so that he could assist you with your bath. As you finished up dinner, you stood up, heading to the bathroom. "Sebastian?", you called him. "Yes, Mistress", Sebastian quickly answered, his demon eyes darting towards you with a lustful glint. He was leaning against the door frame, waiting for you to enter the bathroom. Sebastian's appearance was always perfect, from his hair to the uniform, which fitted his physique perfectly. He was ready to help you with whatever you desired, he was your humble servant, after all.
"Would you mind...undressing me? I'm much too tired to get this hellish dress off myself", you asked. Sebastian's eyes stared at you intently. "Yes, Mistress", he replied, walking towards you and then gently taking your dress off. "May I ask one favor though?", he then asked while untying the dress from the back. "What favor shall you ask, Sebastian?", you replied. "I was wondering...may I stay and watch?", he asked, his devilish eyes twinkling with desire, although he still managed to maintain his stoic composure, he couldn't contain himself completely. Unfazed by his question, you simply accepted it. "Yes you may. I might need you to bathe me", you smiled sweetly. Sebastian's face lit up into a wide smile. You knew that he was eager to help you with anything, as his loyalty to you knew no limits. He didn't just obey, he enjoyed satisfying any of your desires. "At your service, Mistress", he then bowed and followed you to the bath and waited for you to enter. Sebastian took your hand into his, helping you into the tub.
Sebastian made sure to give you enough space to settle comfortably in the tub before he took the glass of wine and poured the liquid into the water, letting the scented oil and the scent of wine take over the tub. Sebastian's eyes stared at you with desire; he wanted to keep staring from afar, but he had to keep up his servant attitude after all. As you watched him pour you glass, you offered him some. "Would you like a sip, Sebastian?", you asked, handing the glass to him. "You've worked so hard for me, at least relax a little". Sebastian's gaze shifted to the glass of wine for a moment, before he looked back at you with his devilish gaze. "I cannot refuse a drink from my Mistress", he responded, taking the glass with grace and taking a few sips. He was eager to do anything for you, but drinking from the same glass as you was one of those rare moments that he wouldn't miss.
Sebastian's eyes followed your every movement, observing every gesture and every curve that your body made as you relaxed in the bath. His breath shortened and his stare became less steady, his desire becoming more and more evident as he continued to drink from the glass. It was already clear to you that he desired you, but this was rare behavior for a simple servant. You knew deep down Sebastian loved you, but you tried not to let him know that you knew. "Can you hand me a washcloth, Sebastian?", you asked. "Yes, Mistress", Sebastian replied, quickly picking up the cloth and handing it to you. Although his desire for you was becoming evident, he made sure to control himself at all times. A simple servant was not supposed to make a move on the Lady of the house, but he was tempted to cross that line. 
"Thank you", you said, taking the cloth from him. As you lathered it up with soap, you couldn't help but notice Sebastian staring at you. "Is something wrong?", you ask, looking at him with lustful eyes. "You look like you've seen a ghost". Sebastian didn't expect you to be so direct, as he was trying to hide his lustful intentions towards you. His gaze followed every motion that you made, and he seemed to be captivated by what he saw in front of him. "I was simply amazed by your beauty and grace, Mistress", he then replied politely, albeit his tone and body language were giving away his true feelings. "Why thank you, Sebastian", you said, proceeding to wash yourself. You allowed the butler to watch you bathe. Sebastian's eyes never left your body. 
The butler's eyes could not help but follow your every movement, he had to control himself as a servant, but these feelings he had towards you were becoming harder to hide by the moment. "Could I ask you one thing, Mistress?", he then asked softly, still maintaining his composure, as your body enticed him even more when washing yourself. "Yes?", you said. "May I help you wash?", Sebastian asked, his gaze following your body from head to toe and back again, he couldn't help but imagine touching you. "I would make sure to be extremely gentle", he then added, his gaze still piercing through every inch of your body. Without giving him a direct answer, you handed the washcloth to him. Sebastian took the cloth from you and started to bathe you. 
Although he was just a servant, the fact that you allowed him to touch your body was a huge turn-on for him. His fingers were gentle and his motions were steady, making sure to caress every inch of your body, especially whenever he washed away a small drop of soap that he had let fall on your breasts. Sebastian was a gentleman after all, but the mere fact that he was allowed to touch you was already enough to drive him crazy. "You have such soft hands, Sebastian", you complimented him. "Thank you, Mistress", Sebastian answered in a low voice. His attention had shifted to your body once again, he couldn't help himself but appreciate your beauty. He then focused on your curves, letting his hands gently move through them as they cleaned away all the remaining soap that still covered your body. "I feel clean now, thank you", you said, removing his hand. 
Sebastian took his hand back and put it at his side, but his eyes were still on your body, trying to memorize every detail of your feminine curves. "May I ask you one thing, Mistress?" he then questioned. "Yes, Sebastian", you said. "May I...cuddle with you?", Sebastian confessed. It was not common for a butler to ask such a thing, but the fact that you allowed him to touch and bathe you had awakened his desires. He knew he would probably be punished if anyone found out, but he just couldn't stop picturing you and him in bed, embracing each other. "As lonely as I am, I wouldn't mind", you said. "After all, I am quite fond of you". Sebastian's devilish smile returned. The fact that you were not only allowing him to touch your body, but that you had also confessed to liking him was more than enough to drive him crazy. "Truly?", he asked, slowly approaching you. "Yes", you replied. 
Sebastian gently took your hand and helped you to get out of the tub. He then looked at you, your curves were still wet and shiny, the moonlight passing through the window illuminated your body. His desire for you was getting the better of him and his breath shortened...his demon eyes observed every inch of your body...he was dying for a kiss. As you dried yourself off, you ordered Sebastian to wait for you in your bedroom. Sebastian took a deep breath, but he didn't hesitate to obey for a second. Although his desire was still burning inside him he knew that he had to control himself. He patiently waited for you in your bedroom, eager to see how the night would unfold. 
You put on your red silky robe, making your way into your  bedroom. You stood by the door, admiring Sebastian's tall physique. "Undress for me, Sebastian", you ordered. Sebastian's eyes widened, his body trembled slightly from your order, he was not expecting you to be so direct. His devilish smile quickly returned and he then began to quickly remove his uniform, one piece at a time, until he was completely naked. His muscles were toned and his body was perfect, the demon butler had a body to envy. He then stood before you, the desire to touch your body almost uncontrollable. As Sebastian approached you, you grabbed hold of his hand, leading him to the bed. "Lay down", you said. 
Sebastian's heart was pounding as he was led to the bed. He had pictured himself laying next to you countless times, but now it was actually happening. "Yes, Mistress", he said, quickly laying down and waiting for your next order. You took off your robe, "You know, Sebastian...", you paused. "This would be my first time having sex", you said. Sebastian's eyes widened, the fact that you hadn't been with another man before was quite tempting and appealing to him. The very thought of being your first excited him in a way he couldn't describe. "Really?" he then asked, his eyes following your every move. "Yes, is that surprising?", you asked, getting on top of him. You hovered over Sebastian's face, your noses almost touching. "Not really, considering your beauty and poise", Sebastian then said, his breath shortening as he looked up at you. You were the definition of a desirable woman. His eyes then locked onto yours, his demon eyes penetrating through you as you got on top of him. His lips were parted, the desire to kiss your perfect lips almost consuming him. "Good", you said, leaning into him. You kissed Sebastian's soft lips.
Sebastian's breath hitched as your lips touched his, and the feeling seemed to last forever. The desire he had been hiding for so long finally found an outlet in your passionate kiss, and his desire finally boiled over as his hands gently caressed your back. "How I've awaited to taste those lips..." he then whispered, giving you another passionate kiss. Sebastian's smile returned as when he flipped you on your back. He saw the way that your face became red as he made eye contact with you, he was having the time of his life, it had been so long since he had felt this way. He then lowered his lips to your neck, his breath brushing against your neck as he kissed the skin, making your body shiver slightly. “S-Sebastian…” you moaned. The butler chuckled, “Are you enjoying yourself, Mistress?”, he asked. You nod your head, enjoying Sebastian’s touch.
The demon moved from your neck, down to your stomach, then to your thighs, leaving a trail of kisses as he went down further. He grabbed hold of your legs, gently caressing your thighs. “May I?”, he asked, looking up at you with a smile. You slowly opened your legs, allowing him to do as he pleased. The butler watched as your already soaked cunt leaked with lustful juices. “Thank you, Mistress”, he said, proceeding to touch you. You felt his cold fingers make contact with your sensitive clit, causing you to twitch. “Y-your hands are cold, Sebastian”, you said. He apologized for the temperature, warming his hands up with his breath. Once they were warm enough, he touched you again. His fingers gently pinched your bud, sticking out his tongue to start licking. He slowly licked your clit, drawing circles around it. The sensation he gave you felt like heaven. 
Sebastian sucked on your clit like a ring pop, making your lower half rise up. “Please, Mistress”, Sebastian said. “Please be still”. You ignored him as you continued to move. The butler had no other choice but to hold your waist down as he resumed back to pleasure you. “Sebastian…”, you whimpered. His strong hands held you still, making it hard for you to move even the slightest bit. He looked up at you, admiring how beautiful his Mistress looked. His licks turned to sucks and then back to licks again. The stimulation was too much for you to handle. “I’m close, Sebastian”, you moaned. “I’m so close”. Sebastian quickened his pace, but felt playful at the same time. He would start and then stop, creating  a pattern of pleasure. You groaned in annoyance as he edged you on. “Please let me cum”, you begged. “I order you to let me cum”. 
Little did you know that in bed, the role of servant and master didn’t matter to him. He wanted complete control of you, no matter how much you squealed and whined. Sebastian didn’t stop teasing you, instead he made it worse by sticking his fingers inside you. He wanted to feel just how tight his Mistress was. You moaned loudly as you felt him penetrate you with two of his digits. “Ah shit”, you whined. Without  a minute to go by, you immediately came all over Sebastian’s face. “Oh my”, you said. “I’m sorry”. The butler smiled at you, pleased that you enjoyed it. As he stood up, you noticed how hard he became. “Sebastian?”, you called out. “Yes, Mistress”, he replied. You sat up, scooting towards the end of the bed where your butler was standing. Your mouth watered at the sight of his huge cock. “M-may I?”, you asked out of embarrassment. You didn’t want to admit it, but the thought of sucking his dick turned you on even more. “If you’re ok with it, my lady”, he said, glaring down at you. 
You took his cock into your hands, stroking it slowly. “Is this ok?”, you asked. Knowing how inexperienced you were, Sebastian reassured you that it was ok. “Do what you like, Mistress”, he said. You took out your tongue, licking his shaft from the base all the way up to the tip. His cock oozed with precum as you gave the tip small licks. “You taste good”, you complimented him. “So did you, my lady”, he smiled back. After licking him some more, you finally decided to put him into your mouth. You tried to fit all of him in you, but you couldn’t. Once you got down halfway, you started to gag. “Are you ok, Mistress?”, the demon asked. You gave him a thumbs up. “This is my first time having dick in my mouth. I don’t want to mess this up”, you thought. You tightened your mouth around him, bobbing your head back and forth. You sucked him hard, making sure to put in as much effort as you can. 
Sebastian moaned, feeling your soft tongue slid against his cock. Your mouth was warm and wet, making the head feel amazing. Drool leaked out of your mouth as your sucking became sloppy. You made sure that your butler was well taken care of. After all, you do love and appreciate everything that he does for you. Looking up at him, his head was pointed towards the ceiling. It was clear that he was enjoying this a lot. The longer you sucked, the more tired your mouth grew. You took him out, proceeding to jerk him off. “My mouth got tired”, you said, looking up at him. Sebastian stopped you. “My lady…”, he paused. “You should never tire yourself trying to please me”. Sebastian cupped your face, leaning down into you. He kissed your wet lips, slipping his tongue inside. 
He gently guided you back onto the bed, making sure you were underneath him again. The butler kissed your lips, then your cheek, then he began to kiss and suck on your neck. He marked your flesh, making you his forever. He grabbed hold of his cock, positioning it on your wet folds. He rubbed it against your soaked cunt, trying to lube himself up. “Are you ready, Mistress?”, he asked, staring deeply into your eyes. You looked down at his cock, spreading your legs even further. “Yes, but please be gentle, Sebastian”, you said. He tilted his head to the side, giving you  a warm smile. “Anything for you, my lady”, he said. With that, he slowly thrusted into you. “Ow”, you winced. Sebastian stopped. “Shall I continue?”, he asked. “I can stop if it becomes too much”. You ordered him not to. Sebastian proceeded, putting all of his length in you. The two of you made sweet love to each other, embracing how close the both of you were. “I love you, Sebastian”, you said. “I love you too, Mistress”. He leaned into your ear, kissing it softly. You felt the sweat from his body drip onto you. Sebastian knew how to take care of you, making him the perfect butler. “You’re mine forever”, he whispered into your ear.
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h-170 · 1 month ago
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Cockwarming g!p kkura while she's playing a game >.< !!
the most asked fic but can never get enough of!!!1!1! 😫😭
also i apologize for the cringe title but ahem i didnt have any fucking ideas... also i think it looks a bit rushed?? idk 😭
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“Me or the PS5?”
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g!p (sub? dom? who am i) Sakura Miyawaki x female reader
Smut (+ crumb of angst?)
Cockwarming
Making out
Marking (hickeys...)
Dirty talk
Cock riding
Mentions of pregnancy (?)
Pet names:3
why does the parrot emoji appear when i type dirty talk... oh wait its just for talk oops 🦜
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"Seriously, you're starting to piss me off, Kkura."
"Look, I'm sorry, I kn-"
"I don't wanna hear it!"
Well, you were fuming. Sakura's schedule was full as always and she comes home when you're asleep; you practically never see her. Until tonight, you were somehow able to stay awake – or it's just that she came home slightly earlier – and you had to confront her about this.
"I'm tired, you know? I feel like I'm alone in this house."
"I understand, Y/N. But I can't-"
"This isn't only for me, Kkura, you're tiring yourself too! Is there really no way you can-"
"No! Okay? I can't! It's how my schedule is, being an idol isn't easy!"
Her sudden outburst made you feel guilty. It's true, you were kind of selfish and wanted her all to yourself- but wait, were you selfish? You weren't seeing her at all! However, you were also looking after her, so...
You both sigh, Sakura rubbing her temples. She was tired, like you, and you had to do something about it.
"Can we... Just go to sleep? I'm tired."
You unclench your fists and nod quietly, both of you heading upstairs.
Days pass and you never really spoke about the situation anymore since Sakura's outburst was the thing that shut you up. But then one afternoon, you come back from the grocery store and enter the house to sound...? Faint music?
You slowly make your way upstairs and-
"Wha..."
Sakura, right there, on your bed, playing a game with a PS5 controller in her hands.
"Kkura?"
"Oh, hey, baby."
"Why are you home so early?"
Sakura explains that she took what you said about tiring herself out into consideration and decided to ask for a day or two off, which actually made you quite surprised.
"...so... You took days off to game?"
Sakura laughs.
"You weren't home, so, heh- I was just enjoying myself."
"Since you're here, can we cuddle, please? I missed you so much."
Sakura smiles guiltily.
"Can I... Finish this round first...?
You climb on the bed and smack her shoulder.
"Are you serious?! Sakura! Come on!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just... Please, I'm so close."
"Close to what?!"
"Finishing!"
You look at the screen, and she's at the second phase of some boss fight. You look back at your focused girlfriend, pouting.
"So it's the PS5 you're choosing over me?"
"Love, don't be like that... I'll do whatever you want after this, promise."
You smirk.
"You know, cuddles can wait, but... I kinda wanna punish you."
"Uh... Huh?"
"How 'bout you finish that game while I make you finish inside me?"
As the boss does some long animation for a super attack, Sakura looks at you, her cheeks flushed as you pull down her pants and boxers in one go.
"You're not gonna give me head while playing, right? You're not that evil..."
She gulps, preparing herself as the animation is almost over, no longer looking at you.
"Nah, I'm planning on doing something much worse."
That made Sakura's mind 'unfocus' and she barely dodges the attack, making her heart skip a beat at the fear of almost losing to that. While she was panicking, you were already undressed, sitting on her cock and taking it all at once.
"Fuck- Y/N! You-"
"Shhh, don't focus on me now, or you might lose~"
Sakura groans, tilting her head to the side as she wraps her arms around you, controller on your back as you hug her. Your hands slide inside her oversized shirt, roaming on her creamy back, making her shiver because they were cold.
Your lips find their way on her neck, kissing the warm skin. Sakura's mouth being next to your ear made you hear every single breath and whimper and gasp and moan, literally any sound she made.
"Y/N- Since when did you become so tight?"
"That's because you aren't fucking me so often."
As the third phase begins, you hear Sakura moan as you suck a hickey on her neck then she giggles.
"So you're saying you want me to fuck you more?"
You clench around her cock at her words, smirking as you lick the mark you just gave her. You definitely missed feeling her cock hitting you deep inside your pussy, and the memories coming back to you made you feel all hot and sweaty.
"Maybe~"
You plant a kiss on her cheek, teasingly clenching around her dick. She was so focused on her game, it made you wonder how she didn't just throw her controller and started fucking you yet. She must really like her game...
Your hands snake up to her chest, and since she wasn't wearing a bra, it just made the whole thing much easier for you. You squeeze her breasts, rolling her nipples between your fingers. You just do that for a few moments, hearing Sakura moan and squirm underneath you. And then, a cutscene comes up.
"Your lips look so dry, baby."
"So?"
"How about I take care of them for you, mm?"
And with that, you pull her in a deep kiss, to which she surprisingly doesn't hesitate. Controller in one hand, she runs her second one down to your ass, squeezing one of your cheeks as she lifts you up maybe like one millimeter, then back down, as if telling you to fuck yourself on her dick. But you don't, kissing her even harder now.
"That desperate?"
"Fuck you."
It was now her turn to squeeze your breasts, taking one in hand but having difficulties to squeeze it correctly because of your bra. Unfortunately, she couldn't remove it as she couldn't risk both her hands being busy.
It was kinda funny if you think about it; both of you are just making out while you grind on her cock with random people talking in the background because of Sakura's game.
Sakura now runs her hand on your back, pulling you closer to her body as she feels you clench and clench around her nonstop. You could feel her smirk against your lips, and you couldn't help but smirk back.
It was true she might lose this game because of you, but... She would enjoy the way you're making her lose.
"You're always unsatisfied, Y/N."
"Can you blame me?"
She scoffs and thrusts upwards, making you gasp and tighten your grip around her. The cutscene was finally over so the game gained her focus again, leaving you breathless and dangerously close to cumming. You could tell she was also close by how big her cock became.
"K-Kku...~"
"Ngh- Just a second..."
"Please... Please, let me...~"
Your needy and hot voice in her ear made her gush out more precum inside you that you can assume she already came, but she didn't. All you could hear were your joint heartbeats, heavy breathing, soft moans and game sound effects.
"Sakura-"
"Y/N, just a minute."
"Please, so close~"
"Fuck, Y/N..."
"Cum inside me..."
Sakura's sick throbbed at that, and you moan at the feeling.
"Please... Please, just lose, I'll help you beat that level, you know I'm good at it..."
Well, it wasn't a lie, but Sakura stays stubborn. You jolt your hips forward, making Sakura moan.
"Damnit! Y/N, I-"
"Please, I'm a good girl...~"
You kept begging, but she wasn't listening. Just ignoring you seemed like a good plan to her, but little did you know it was so hard to ignore you.
You gave up, honestly. You knew how Sakura was with her games.
"You're really making me wait..."
"I'm gonna beat it."
"I told you I'd help you, I just wanna cum..."
"I know you don't like the game, that's why I'm beating it now."
You pause to process her words, blushing slightly. Did Sakura really just make you wait for that? Well, it was sweet, you had to say that.
And then, what seemed like an eternity, she beat the game, a golden 'Victory' appearing on the screen. Quickly, she goes back to the main menu and tosses the controller on the other side of the bed, holding your hips and slamming you down on her cock.
"Aaah~! Fuck! You could've warned me!"
"Sorry, princess, but I'm getting damn impatient here~"
Your whole body was bouncing; head, breasts, ass... The perfect view for Sakura. She loved seeing you go wild on her cock.
"So, you wanna cum, huh? Cum for me, baby."
"C-Cum inside me, please, please..."
"Aww, missed my cum? Don't worry, pretty, I'm gonna fill you up good."
Continuing her assault on your pussy, she forces your upper body down to give you a hickey as she starts grinding you back and forth on her length.
"There, we're equal now~"
You'd smile, embarrassed, meeting her lips in another heated kiss. Hands everywhere, she smacks your ass twice, full palms on cheeks, causing loud slapping sounds to echo in the room. Gosh, you loved that.
Your tongues were wrapped around one another, your lips red and sore as you continue your make out session.
"I... I c-can't take anymore~"
"Mm? Okay~"
She breaks the kiss and starts fucking you again – well, forcing you to ride her cock, actually – feeling your cunt tighten and soak her dick.
"I'm gonna fill you up real good."
She looks deep into your eyes.
"Gonna let you have my kids, how 'bout that?"
"Fuck, Kkura, give them to me!"
With one last thrust, she makes you sit on her lap, balls deep inside you as she explodes, releasing all her cum in your cunt. You cum around her, soaking her lap and dick, both of you moaning so loud, your voice cracking like crazy.
You collapse on top of her as she lays down on her back, her cock slipping out of you because you were so damn wet. She chuckles.
"Like the background music? It's really romantic, mm?"
The 'action' hype music along with her sarcasm makes you chuckle in turn.
"Definitely."
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me and the PS5 least you know where I'ma be at night 🗣️
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reiderwriter · 6 months ago
Text
Unfair We're Not Somewhere
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Chapter Eight of I Can't Help Myself
Summary: With a little bit of help from someone who could relate a little bit too closely to your situation, Y/N tries to come clean. Tries.
Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy symptoms/ general pregnancy things, unsub mentions, plot.
A/N: Chapter Eight! I'm so excited for where the rest of this series is going to go, though I do feel like people are going to be a bit annoyed by this one lmao. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below or in an ask! Don't be too mad...
Masterlist || Add yourself to the tag list
You sat quietly in the clinic as you waited for the pharmacist to fill your prescription - a simple pregnancy multivitamin that was supposed to help your food go down, make your hair shinier, and fix all your problems.
You wondered if the bottle could tell Spencer you were pregnant. You wondered if it could make him magically okay with that and prepare him for fatherhood, too. 
Your phone buzzed, and you surfaced from the field of thoughts you'd been lost in as you checked it. 
“Outside,” an unknown number had sent. You took that as your queue, stood up, and left the clinic, trying your best to avoid looking back at the small boy Spencer had been playing with. 
You weren't sure if you were going to have a boy or a girl yet. You didn't mind either, though you'd always envisioned yourself with a big enough family that you assumed at least one of each was inevitable. Though even you had to admit how stereotypically nuclear that was, and how only 18% of the country was living that was lying anyway. 
You shoved psychology from your head for a few minutes and let yourself breathe.
“Y/N!” JJ signalled from the driver's side of her still running SUV. She waved slightly, and you smiled politely as you quickly paced around to the side of her vehicle and got in. 
“Hi,” you said, unsure if you should introduce yourself or not. She'd been in the office the day you'd been taken into custody (protection), but you still had yet to speak to her. She'd been exempt from protective duty so far due to her status as a senior field agent and the fact that she had two kids and a husband at home waiting for her. 
You were sad she was the anomaly in the BAU, the only one with someone waiting on her. 
“I'm Y/N,” you said, still unsure if you should hold out a hand or not. You hadn't made the best impression on most of Spencer's colleagues, and while you didn't think there was much point in trying, you still couldn't bring yourself to be intentionally blasé. 
“I know, you're all we've been talking about for weeks,” the woman laughed, pulling out of the clinic car park and smiling at you. 
“Oh, right. Case. Of course, I've heard you probably know more about me than I know about myself.” 
“We have a profile, sure, but that's not what I meant.” 
You nodded awkwardly and stared out the window for a second, the sky darkening slightly as it prepared to rain. 
You drove for a few minutes before JJ spoke up again. 
“I don't know if Emily told you, but it's actually my day off today,” she said, turning off into a cul-de-sac you'd never seen before. 
“Oh, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I could've just got a taxi or something or just… gotten over myself. You didn't have to-” 
“Yes, I did,” she looked at you for a second, cocking her head to the side in a gesture that said, ‘and you know why.’ It was a look only a friend would give, and you felt an instant connection with her. 
How had Spencer found so many wonderful, big-hearted women to surround himself with, and how could you get in on it? 
You supposed, by letting him get you pregnant, you'd probably found a cheat code for whatever the answer might have been. 
“Anyway, it's my day off, so I promised my boys a fun day at home with mommy. We're doing finger painting and macaroni art. I hope you don't mind getting messy.” 
“Wha-? Me? Oh. No, not at all,” you tried to seem nonchalant, but your heart suddenly beat faster now that you were faced with this unexpected opportunity. As a lecturer, you'd been surrounded by kids professionally for years now. 18 to 21 year old kids. The kind that already had defined morals, world views, and, secretly, alcohol tolerances. The last time you'd encountered any kind of child younger than 18 was when you yourself were under 18.
The joys of toiling away at a doctorate for the better half of your adult life. You knew how to talk to professors and scholars. You were absolutely scared shitless of interacting with a kid. 
“H-How old are they?” You asked, trying to sound polite but falling somewhere between anxious and terrified with a simple stutter. 
“Well, Henry is turning 8 in November, and Michael is just about 22 months. He's just about talking, which is as fun as you can expect.” 
Her voice was tired, but there was genuine affection there, love for her kids and pride. You wondered if your voice would change if you'd suddenly begin speaking like that, too, about something other than a paper submitted to a journal or a job opportunity. 
She pulled into a street parking space and turned off the engine as two bright haired little boys came bouncing up the path of their garden to greet her, stopping at the gate. 
“Mommy! Michael got glitter on the carpet, and Daddy said we shouldn't tell you.” 
“And you have no sense of loyalty when a pretty face comes around, do you?”
Hopping out of the car, you heard JJ's husband drawl as she greeted him with a kiss. She'd probably only taken half an hour to pick you up, but they were still greeting each other so warmly. For a second, you wondered what that would be like before you remembered throwing yourself into Spencer's arms the night before. Your face heated as you stood awkwardly at the side of the car, trying not to cradle your stomach as you watched the family interact. 
Would your baby ever get that tall? Would it have brown eyes like Spencer, or one's more similar to your own? His hair was curly. Maybe your baby would get hair that waved like his, too. 
After all, JJ's kids seemed like perfect compromises between her and her husband. Other people's kids didn't, though. You wondered a lot of things before JJ gestured you over again. 
“Henry, Michael, this is Aunt Y/N. She's going to do those crafts with us today - after we've locked away the glitter and thrown away the key.” 
You laughed as she wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pushed you forward into the chaos of two kids under ten. 
You were a little startled as the smaller one - Michael - grabbed your hand. He had a pacifier in his mouth, though he was probably outgrowing it, and he stared up at you with big, wide eyes, blinking and sizing you up as he toddled along beside you. 
Your heart grew three sizes, and you felt sorry for ever being afraid of interacting with the kids. 
JJ whispered to her husband quickly as you entered the LaMontagne household, and he greeted you quickly. 
“So you're Spencer's lady friend. It's nice to meet you. It's nice that you're real. Honestly, I was getting a little-” 
A look from JJ cut him off, though he did still seem a bit confused. 
“I'm sorry, am I under the wrong impression? JJ said you were pregnant with Spencer's baby, y'all aren't…” 
“Oh my god-” you whispered, suddenly panicking again but whispering just in case. You weren't sure if the pair was religious, and though you certainly weren't, it probably wasn't the best time to blaspheme. You needed as much god as existed in the world. 
“So, does everyone know?” You asked JJ, trying to keep your voice bright and calm, so Michael didn't take too much of an interest and grow frustrated by hushed tones. You knew enough about child development and psychology, it translated over, right? 
“Everyone who's observant. Luke noticed the pregnancy vitamins in your bag, Tara was talking about your mood swings in the office the other day. I guess you told Emily earlier, and I have two kids.” 
You nodded at the answer. 
“And Spencer?” 
“You haven't told him yet?” JJ asked, slightly surprised. 
“If I told him, you'd know.” 
“Well, you're right on that. He's not the most easy-going during pregnancy,” JJ laughed and steered you into the living space, where your de facto art studio had been set up for the day, along with the offending glitter bomb. 
“Really? You thought you could keep that a secret?” 
“Well, of anyone was going to find it, it was going to be my beautiful, smart, funny, profiler Wife,” Will said, giving her a small peck on the cheek as she rolled her eyes at him. “I'm clocking in now. Call me if you need anything.” 
You waved him off, and sat down with the kids. 
JJ started the craft and then planned your hasty escape as the two boys were enraptured by making the perfect macaroni necklace, dusting it in objectively too much glitter as they proudly created their art. 
In the kitchen, she handed you a mug, and you sipped it quietly as she began again. 
“So, you're not dating?” 
“Nope.”
“And he doesn't know you're pregnant?” 
“No.” You took another sip and shifted from one foot to the other. 
You knew what was coming next. It was what you'd gotten next from Emily, from Penelope, from yourself when you'd thought about it for longer than ten seconds. You needed to tell him. 
“Okay. What's your next move?” 
You were so shocked you almost splashed the hot tea over the mug you held, close to burning yourself as you turned to face her. 
“I… what?” 
“Well, what's your next move? You're what, five months along? You're not going to be able to hide it for much longer. And you have to think about maternity leave, your hospital stay, and names, and who's going to drive you to the hospital. And obviously, how you're going to pay the hospital fee, and then custody and child support.”
“Oh god…” 
“And you also have to sort your relationship out with Spencer. So where are you starting?” 
It wasn't a question that didn't have an answer. JJ was staring at you, waiting for one as you opened and closed your mouth, head suddenly so empty you almost forgot what you were talking about. 
“He doesn't like me,” you suddenly blurted and wished you hadn't, face crumpling as you physically cringed at your own words. 
“Y/N, he was telling us about your toothbrush yesterday. Part of the office has a theory that he made up this case as a reason to get closer to you.” 
Again, you felt the heat blossom on tour skin as you looked away, taking another sip. 
“We don't do anything but argue.” 
“You do at least one other thing,” JJ said, hands on her hips as she confronted you. 
“No, that doesn't count. We were still arguing while we were doing…that.” 
“TMI,” she groaned as you fanned yourself. “Y/N, I know for a fact that Spencer is at least half in love with you. If you're absolutely sure you don't feel the same way, you need to at least let him down easy.”
“I…. I don't know. He's infuriating sometimes, but then he's so smart and annoying. But he's pretty great at comforting me. And the, uh, the other stuff, that was good, too.” 
“Don't need to-” 
“Like really good. Like, I'm not surprised I ended up pregnant practically first time good-” 
“Back on topic, please!” JJ whisper shouted, throwing her hands up as you zipped your mouth shut.
“You like him,” she said. 
You sighed and finally gave in. 
“Yeah. Yeah, I like him.” 
“Great. What next?” 
“Next, I tell him I'm pregnant and make him hate me for a while.” 
She patted you on the back and poised you another mug of tea before leading you back over to the kids and sitting beside them at the table. 
“We can plan something later. For now, macaroni art is calling.”
You weren't sure if it was the stern, practical pep-talk from JJ or the little tiny grasp of your hand from Michael. Maybe it was even Henry's goodbye of ‘see you soon, Auntie Y/N’ that had you suddenly invigorated, but you suddenly kicked yourself into gear. 
The pregnancy wasn't going to put itself on pause while you worked up the courage to tell Spencer about it. You had to do it. 
JJ dropped you off at home at 6 p.m., knowing that Spencer would be back at the apartment shortly. 
“You're sure you don't need me to stay up there with you? The commute can get a bit long this time of night, Spencer could be anywhere between 15 and 45 minutes.”
“No, I think… I think I need some time to think about how I'm going to do this. I need some alone time.”
She nodded quietly and sent you off after calling Spencer and giving him an update on your whereabouts. 
You paced the apartment wondering what the best option was. 
You could go for the bookshelf again, though it was still organised into your first message. You'd not moved a book in that stack at all, and surprisingly, neither had Spencer. 
Running into your room, you grabbed the pair of baby shoes you'd thrown into your bag from your apartment. Maybe if you left them on the shelf next to the books…? 
You put them there and frowned, wondering if he'd be able to see them from the door when he walked in. He was so used to the surroundings of his house that he really didn't check for irregularities. 
You moved them to the coffee table. Then you wondered if you should just hand them to him when he walked in. 
“Spencer. I am..pregnant,” you practised, looking into the bathroom mirror as you tried to force a smile. 
“Spencer. We're pregnant. No, not a chance,” you sighed. 
“Spencer, I have a parasite growing in me. I've had it for five months now, and then I'll have it for another four and hopefully a long time after that as well.” 
That one was mostly a joke. Mostly. 
“Spencer, I… We're going to have a baby.” You looked down at your bump again and decided that was probably your best option. It wasn't a state. It wasn't a condition or a parasite. It was a baby. 
You rubbed your stomach again and looked up, wiping away tears from the corner of your eye as you composed yourself again. 
The doorbell rang, and your heart race picked up. It was time. Spencer was home, and you were going to tell him. 
Suddenly, you were filled with excitement, with happiness. You ran to the door, stepping on the sofa to get there quicker as you ran to pull it open. 
Maybe it was the pregnancy brain fog, but you forgot where you were. 
Spencer Reid lived in this apartment. He didn't need to knock on the door or ring the doorbell. He'd never done it before. But you'd already swung the door open quickly, and you were so relaxed and ready for it to be him that when a hand extended and covered your mouth with a cloth, thick with a scent that had your body protesting, you could do nothing but crumple to the floor with your hands cradling yourself, protecting the life growing within you. 
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petew21-blog · 7 months ago
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Workout routine
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My best friend from school, Emily, married last summer while still being at university with me. She is still young, but claimed that her boyfriend truly loves her. Bullshit if you ask me, he never respected here and treated here like a trophy wife since the beginning. Yeah I hated him. He was a homophobic asshole and acting like some fuckin' alpha male. Why Emily dated him I never understood
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One day we were on their garden studying for an upcoming exam. I was nervous most of the time cause James was working outside fixing stuff and eyed me like a prey. Emily went to get us some snacks and drinks.
He came up to me and started some homophobic talk how I could choose this path of sin and so on. I couldn't look up at him. Cause he was very close to me, very shritless and VERY sexy. Way too much. If I looked up even for a second, I would immediately get hard.
"You gays are the worst thing about this generation. You can't even work, y'all do your artsy useless shit and nothing usefull"
"Can you just let me live and go on about your life? I don't want to listen to this."
"Well you're on my property so you'll listen to whatever I have to tell you"
A call from inside the house. Emilly called him
"You're lucky. If it weren't for her you'd be already on the ground biting dust"
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What an idiot. I was raging. I think I'll just leave and go home. I can't calm myself down and I don't want to cause any drama with Emily. Even if I think her husband is horrible, I don't want ot loose her a s a friend"
Emily came out of the house, smiling. She brought the snacks and water. She looked at me "Sorry for... taking so long. I had to sort something that couldn't wait. Now drink up, you haven't drank for hours. I should have brought drinks sooner."
I took the glass and took a sip. But then I felt really nauseaous. My vision was blurry now and I felt like vomiting. All I could make out of Emily's face was that she was smiling.
Then my vision started getting clearer again. But it was strange, I wasn't outside anymore. I was in their kitchen, holding a glass. "How did I get here?" went through in my head. As I looked for the nearest surface to put down the glass I noticed that I was shirtless.
Wait, what?!? This isn't my body!!!
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I let go off the glass destroying it. But nothing could have prepared me for being this ripped in the matter of seconds. This is something I always wished for, but never thought I would get. I was always the skinny twink trying to build more muscles, but couldn't. And now, I have massive muscles.
I found a mirror in the hall. No, this can't be happening. I am James. I can't be him. He is an asshole. A homophobic asshole.
But his body thought otherwise. His dick got hard. And it isn't small. Which might be cool to play with, but now I was still angry everytime I looked at the mirror.
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"Enjoying yourself?" Emily asked as she entered the house
"What have you done, Ems?"
"I gave you a new body. The one you have been lusting for. And as a side effect I got myself an improvement for a boyfriend. I loved him before, but I was blind and deaf to all the things he said on your account and to all the things he commented about me. Never appreciated me. But you are the best man I ever knew. And I wanted to be with you even if I wasn't your type. But now, I think I might be" she said as she placed her hand on my new crotch.
I thought I wouldn't like this, cause I was gay for my entire life, but James's body is still straight. But in my mind I could even picture myself with a dude and not be disgusted
"Ems, I think you didn't turn me straight as you wished for. I think I'm bi, actually"
"Whatever is best for both of us. I got a cute gay friend who you might like and who would love to explore your body, with me. But I think there might be some emotions involved, you know. Cause of the previous ownership and so on." she said and laughed out loud.
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I took her up and put her on the kitchen table. Embracing her and going for a kiss.
"Ems, you are the best friend I could have ever wanted. I love you and I will love you now as your husband"
We could hear a scream outside coming from the garden. We could only smile at each other as we knew what was coming
Two months later:
"Hey, my name is James and this is my colleague Robert. Robert is a small gay dude friend from my wife. We are going on a road trip to get to know each other better with the permission from my wife. So we would like a room"
"Oh, there's only double bed? That's absolutely fine with us, right Robert? Bro's will be bro's and NO HOMO. Hahaha"
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A story request from Inbox: Could you do a swap with a Twink and his best friend’s bodybuilder husband?
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deprivedreality · 5 days ago
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𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝘿𝙔𝙉𝘼𝙈𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏?!
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Word Count: 1.2k
Content contains: pro-hero bakugo being a career man. mentions of katsuki having an s/o! I hope these ideas capture his fiery, no-nonsense personality while also showing how much he’s grown into a reliable and inspiring hero.
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prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who when every time someone mispronounces his hero name, he snaps and shouts “It’s DY-NA-MIGHT, not ‘Dynamo’ or whatever crap you just said! Learn how to read, damn it!”
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who has a rigorous training schedule. Yes, cooking breakfast and cuddle time with his s/o is part of that schedule nevertheless. Even as a pro, Bakugo starts his day with a 5:00 a.m. workout. His mornings include explosive quirk drills, which terrify his neighbors, but he refuses to apologize because, “Heroes don’t take days off, morons.” He does try to keep it down a notch when he heard through his neighbors' kid that they were thinking about moving houses.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who insists on being on the frontlines for every mission, no matter the scale. He’s the first to charge in during a disaster and won’t leave until every civilian is accounted for. “If I’m not giving 100%, why the hell am I here?” And you better know that everyone appreciated him for his selfless actions.
Prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who is efficient to a fault. His rescue operations are insanely effective but intimidating. He’ll shout at panicked civilians to “Move your asses, idiot!” but then carry them out of danger with precision and speed. Later, when they thank him, he awkwardly mutters, “Yeah, whatever. That's what I'm here for anyway. Just don’t get stuck again.”
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who has a signature explosion mark. After saving the day, he always leaves behind a controlled, smoky explosion shaped like his logo—an orange starburst with jagged edges. Kids love it and call it his “hero stamp.” He just did it one time because y/n liked the idea of him having something like a bat-signal, it became like a routine for him.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who's surprisingly good with kids. He didn’t expect it either, but kids adore him. When they swarm him for autographs, he grumbles, “You better not smudge this!” but secretly loves the attention. He even kneels down to their level so they can high-five him. It did took him time to warm up to them after some thought, he wanted to be like how All Might was when he was a kid.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who is strict with his sidekicks. Bakugo’s sidekicks are the most well-trained in the industry because he pushes them relentlessly. He shouts, “If you can’t handle this, you’re wasting my damn time!” but always ensures they’re prepared for real missions.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who still has an unspoken rivalry with Deku, and everyone in general, but now it’s about who saves more people. Bakugo keeps a tally and texts deku, “Took down 8 villains today. What’s your number, nerd?”
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who personally oversees every modification to his hero costume, from grenade gauntlets to lightweight boots. If the support team messes up, he’ll fix it himself, muttering, “If you can't do it right, I'll do it myself.” This causes his support team to work twice harder next time.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who has workaholic tendencies. He rarely takes time off, claiming, “Villains don’t go on vacation, so why should I?” His s/o and his entire agency forces him to relax. Needless to say, his s/o alone can convince him. Even then, he’s still scanning news reports for emergencies.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who is an emergency quirk strategist. Bakugo has a knack for coming up with split-second strategies in the middle of chaos. He’ll bark orders to other heroes, and while they’re annoyed at his tone, they follow him because he’s always right. Other heroes learned it the hard way one time when they didn't follow his 'suggestion' and ended up making the situation worse.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who gets tons of fan letters and gets flustered reading them. One of his fellow heroes suggested for him to buy a shredder, but you know damn well he flipped them off. He gets tons of fan mail, but he has no idea how to respond. He also did not know what to do with them until his s/o opted to help him with this problem. Sometimes he’ll scribble a quick “Thanks” with a little explosion doodle and hope it’s enough, his s/o would be the one to arrange and mail them.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who is devoted to his parents. Bakugo visits his parents regularly, bringing them little gifts like flowers for his mom (which she teases him about) and bunch of snacks and clothing pieces for his dad. He even helps fix things around their house during his rare free time. He makes sure his sidekicks and secretary knows when to remind him to call them during breaks.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who has is looked up to by other pros for his emergency evacuation drills. When Bakugo’s agency holds safety drills, his team wins every time. He calls it “real hero training” and will go all-out to make sure everyone’s prepared.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who was invited one time to attend a charity by ochako and it became something he does everytime. While he’s not a fan of public speaking, Bakugo attends charity events because he believes in helping beyond hero work. He’ll reluctantly auction off items like “Bakugo’s autographed gauntlet,” secretly donating extra money because “those kids need it more.”
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who is an incredible loyal team leader. Bakugo might be tough on his team, but he’s fiercely protective of them. He is especially protective of his interns, some of them referring to him as the older brother they never had. If a villain hurts one of his sidekicks, you better know he’ll go all-out to take them down while yelling, “You don’t touch my people!”
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who built his own agency to be one of the best heor agency headquarter there is. His agency is a sleek, well-organized base equipped with cutting-edge tech and a training ground. The office is always clean because he enforces “No slacking off!” rules, even for janitorial staff. In his hq, he made sure that there is one room dedicated for his s/o.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who became an unintentional role model. Despite his rough personality, students and new heroes look up to Bakugo because of his dedication and success. He doesn’t know how to handle compliments and usually responds with, “Stop wasting time and go do your damn job!”
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who mastered using small, precise explosions for rescues—blasting through rubble without causing harm or creating paths for civilians. It’s become his trademark move, and no one does it better.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who's explosive personality makes him a media favorite, but he hates interviews. When forced to participate, he answers in blunt one-liners like, “Villains suck, so don’t do crime.” Although he did receive criticism at the start of hero career because of his brash attitude, but that's all.
prohero!Katsuki Bakugo who knows how to separate his personal life from his career so well that some fans were surprised when he revealed in an interview that he was already married. He proudly showed off his wedding band, telling his interviewer that he was a happy married man.
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ᓚᘏᗢ @deprivedreality 2023 | all rights reserved.
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helplesslypurple77 · 2 months ago
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Day 7-Aphrodisiac-Chrollo/Reader
notes: Chrollo is hard to write. Sry if this is ooc lol
title is from 'Stop' by Sam Brown
...
You're in the middle of curling your hair, when your phone rings. You curse, dropping the strand of hair you were preparing to curl, carefully placing the curling iron on the stone beneath your feet, and grab your phone. 
“Hisoka, where the actual fuck are you? We’ve gotta go soon!” You say angrily, your voice echoing against the stone of the stupid church the troupe had decided to hide out in. You're wearing pajama pants and a large oversized t-shirt, bending awkwardly in front of a small mirror you have propped up against the wall, frantically pinning your hair into rollers. You and Hisoka are supposed to leave for the mission in about ten minutes, and the damn clown is nowhere to be seen. Most of the other people have left for their missions already, leaving just you, Chrollo, and Machi in the large caverness room. 
Hisoka chuckles. “I'm sorry dear, but I'm afraid I'll have to leave you on your own!” He says. You almost dropped your phone.
“You’ve got to be joking,” You say, deadpan in your delivery. Maybe this is one of his stupid jokes. You tilt your phone, propping it up against your ear and picking up your curling iron again. Might as well finish setting your hair while Hisoka goes on.
“I'm not,” Hisoka says, sounding much too pleased for your liking. “As much as I would love to accompany you, I got caught up in something.”
A beat of silence fills the speakers, as you absorb what he had just told you. Then, the anger starts the flow. 
“You got caught up in something?” You hiss, annoyance clear in your voice. Machi looks up from her own mission preparations. Of course she got the easy one, while you were stuck at a stuffy high class event, with Hisoka to entertain. You pin your roller into place, moving onto the next strand of hair, yelling as you go.
You hear Chrollo shut his book with a snap. 
“You can't just, like, abandon me!” You yell into the speaker. “I literally can't do this mission by myself, you know that!”
“I'm afraid it's out of my hands,” Hisoka says. You can hear his smile through the phone, and you almost pop a blood vessel. “I wish you luck!”
“Hey, you can't just—” Hisoka disconnects with a beep. You stair at your phone in shock for a moment, and then raise your arm to chuck it across the room in frustration.
“Fucking damnit!” You shriek, then hiss as you burn your finger on your curler. Machi chuckles in sympathy.
“Hisoka?” She asks, shooting a wry smile in your direction. You nod.
“The fucker says he cant come,” You groan, pinning your last hot curl into a roller, away from your tender neck and put away your curling iron. “He says he's caught up in something or whatever.”
Machi stiffles a giggle, and you shoot her a look of betrayal. 
“Maaaachi,” You whine, sinking against the rock floor with a groan, your hair still in rollers. No sense to take them out, after it took you so long. “What am I supposed to do?”
“You could go by yourself,” She says.
“I caaaant, I'm a noncombatant,” You whine, “And besides their expecting husband and wife, they'd totally suspect me if I showed up alone.”
“You could say your ‘husband’ flaked on you.” Machi says, “it isn't technically a lie.”
“If Hisoka was my husband I just might throw myself off a cliff,” You groan, rolling over onto your stomach, careful not to jog your rollers. 
“He's hot though,” Machi says, gathering up her things.
“True,” You say, “that's literally the only thing he has going for him.”
Machi hums contentedly, as you stew in annoyance on the cold ground, rolling carefully back and forth, keeping your neck at an awkward angle so you don't jog the rollers in your hair. 
“So what's the plan, Boss?” Machi asks, packing her supplies in her go back. You frown, and then swiftly remember that Chrollo is here as well. You tend to forget, he doesn't talk that much. 
Chrollo gently sets the book he was reading next to him, stacking it neatly on top of the other books that sit beside him. 
“I guess it can't be helped,” He says, standing up from his position on the big boss rock, and jumping down to the ground floor where the mortals sit. “I'll take his place.”
You stare at him in surprise.
“Really?” You ask, genuinely a bit confused. You didn't really know Chrollo all that well, even though he was technically your boss. He didn't really interact with you much, and he never went on missions. 
“Yes, if I must.” Chrollo says, standing a few feet away from you as you start mindlessly on your makeup. 
“Oh,” You say, a bit thrown off and confused. Machi chuckles
“You sound so surprised and confused,” She says, hoisting her bag over her shoulder and shooting you a small smile. “Chrollo does do missions occasionally.”
“Not with me,” You mutter, then cover it up with a nervous giggle. “I mean I'm just not used to doing missions with anyone but you, Machi. And Hisoka.”
“My condolences,” Machi grins, slipping her sandals onto her feet. “You work so hard for us, Name.”
“I know,” You whine, carefully contouring your nose. Chrollo coughs, and you jostle in surprise. 
“Oh! I forgot you were still here.” You laugh, whipping away the excess contour you had accidentally smudged, and shooting a smile over your shoulder. Chrollo makes an odd face, tilting his head slightly.
“You forgot I was here?” He asks, sounding a bit offended. You shrug.
“You don't really talk that much,” You chuckle, highlighting your nose. “Do you have a suite?”
“I can find one,” he says, still standing a bit back from you. You try not to be too conscious of his eyes on you as you finish your makeup, spraying it generously with setting spray. This shit better not budge all night, or you're officially losing it.
Machi giggles, tossing you a wink as she heads towards the door. “Good luck, name.” She says, and you wave in her direction as she steps out of the shelter and into the rain. Thunder booms and lightning cuts through the sky, and when it recedes you can't make out her figure anymore. You sigh. Tonight is going to be awkward. 
♱♱♱
The taxi ride is dead silent. You sit in the back, Chrollo sitting a foot away, a book sitting open on his crossed legs. You stare out the window, hair pillowing softly over your shoulders, dress pooling over your crossed legs. The Taxi driver is unbothered, airpods sitting firm in his ears as he drives on, not a care in the world that the people he's driving are sitting in awkward silence in the back of his car. You heave a deep sigh, and catch yourself wishing Hisoka were here instead. At least he never shut up. 
Hurriedly, you kick yourself, and try to make conversation.
“What are you reading?” You ask, desperately trying to fill the awkward silence. Chrollo looks up, closing his book with a snap.
“Simply cataloging my abilities,” he says, slipping the book into his pocket. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “Nothing interesting,”
“I thought you read actual books,” You say, one of your heels scraping your ankle as you cross your legs. “Is that all you read?”
Chrolllo coughs, muffling what you think might be a laugh. 
“No, my dear.” He says, turning to look at you fully. “Are you feeling prepared for the mission?”
“I guess,” You sigh, restlessly uncrossing your legs again. “We practiced and stuff, but…”
“You practiced?” Chrollo asks curiously, and you turn to face him fully. He has his hair down for once, and a piece of fabric covering his forehead marking. You catch yourself thinking he looks handsome. He should wear his hair down more often.
“Yeah, Hisoka and I,” You say, “We mostly just memorized our characters' names and stuff like that.”
Chrollo nods. 
“I see,” He says, reaching into his coat jacket for the wedding invitation. “You didn't practice being newlyweds?”
You laugh, tilting your head back and pulling your freshly curled hair over your shoulders so it doesn't get smushed. 
“We didn't really need to,” You say, watching the driver's screen through the plastic window separating the driver from the back seats. His map says you’ll arrive at your destination in fifteen minutes. “We’ve done a lot of missions together, and besides, Hisoka can be pretty charming when he wants to be.”
“Ah, I see.” Chrollo says, flipping the invitation open and reading it carefully. “So we are Mr and Ms Benton, then?”
You nod, recalling the information along with him in your mind.
“We’ve been married for two weeks, and we're so in love everyone is annoyed and disgusted with us.” You say, watching the blue dot that symbolizes the car your riding in move closer and closer to your destination. 
“Right, and our mission?”
“Get in, steal the necklace and get out without causing a fuss.” You reply, sighing. “It's this a lot of hassle for one necklace?”
Chrollo chuckles, slipping the invitation back into his suit jacket with a small smile.
“Maybe,” He says, “But we all have our part to play.”
♱♱♱
The part is a boring one. You nod, smiling through your teeth as this man talks on and on, throwing in the occasional ‘Uh Huh’ to be safe. Chrollo, hand wrapped around your waist, smiles widely, his eyes glazed over. 
You shift closer to him, leaning over to whisper through your teeth.
“Can we go now?” You ask, ignoring the butterflies that flutter in your stomach as he squeezes your waist comfortingly. 
“We haven't done what we’ve come here for yet,” He whispers back quietly, barely moving his lips. 
You roll your eyes, and tune back into the conversation. One man has cornered the two of you in the corner and is talking at you about his money and how many cars he has and how his last wife was a model and blah blah blah. You aren't paying attention at all. 
“And i have just added a new Bugatti to my collection,” The man says, pausing like you should clap or something.
“Oh cool,” You say, deadpan. The man chuckles, seeming to not at all get the sarcasm in your tone. 
“If you want to see them, pretty lady, you can come over to my place after—”
“You have some impressive cars,” Chrollo says, squeezing your waist twice. The signal. You take a swig of your champain, then set it gently on the table beside you. You want to come back to that. 
“Oh hubby, I think I'm feeling a bit faint!” You whine dramatically, bring a hand up to your forehead, closing your eyes and tilting your head dramatically. Chrollo gasps, abruptly sweeping you off your feet and into his arms.
“If you’ll excuse us, I'll be taking my wife to lie down for a bit,” Chrollo says to the man in front of you guys. Your eyes still closed, you peek out of the corner of one eye to find the man eyeing you with disappointment. Quickly, you close your eyes again.
“Hurry Baby,” You whimper dramatically. “I feel faint!”
Chrollo's hands tighten against your body and you feel his chest vibrate against your side. He must be laughing. But he speeds away at your instruction, moving towards the powder room, which just happens to be in a long hallway off the main room the party was situated in. the perfect place for the two of you to disappear to for about two minutes. Just enough time to get your hands on the necklace. 
“How did it go?” Chrollo asks as you return to his guard position, situated a few feet away from the door of the women's bathroom. You grin, flashing him a thumbs up.
“A brief scrap with a security guard, but i hide in a closet,” You say, taking off your plastic gloves and dumping them into your small clutch purse. It was almost laughably how easy stealing the necklace had been. After Chrollo had let you down from his arms all you did was walk the ten feet to the storage room and hide from the lone security guard in the nearby closet. Then you just swiped the necklace and placed it in the plastic bag you had prepared, and dropped it out the window. Now all that was left was to go around the house and retrieve it. 
“Now we just need to get out of here,” You say, wiping the sweat off your hands and onto your dress. “You think we can escape without car guy yelling at us again?”
Chrollo chuckles. “Not likely, I'm afraid.” He says, grabbing your waist as the two of you walk back towards the brightly lit entrance room. 
“Oh well,” You sigh, “I wanted to finish my champain anyway.”
Sure enough, it takes you all of five minutes for the car guy to find the two of you again, walking with you as you beeline for your champain. You're going to need all of it to survive even five minutes of this guy talking.
“...and just yesterday, I added to my new Rolex collection…”
“Oh really.” You say, downing your champain. It tastes a little weird. Maybe it's gone a little flat in the short amount of time you were gone. You place the empty cup down on the table beside with a clank. The man looks at it, his brown eyes sliding to you in a way that makes your skin crawl, and you shiver. Chrollo squeezes your waist gently, hand sending butterflies frolicking around your stomach. 
A beat of silence passes. Then the man speaks.
“Do you feel alright, miss?”
You raise and eyebrow, tilting your head to the side. 
“I'm fine?” you question, and then after a beat an escape plan starts to form. “You know what, I'm tired. Can we go home now baby?”
Chrollo springs into action, gripping your waist and spinning you towards the exit with a grin. 
“Of course dear, whatever you want.” He says, voice fakely sweet as the two of you march towards the exit at a brisk pace. You wind through the small circles of people, about seven to five people in each round, talking of this and that. They spare the two of you a passing glance before returning to their conversations. You catch snippets of them as you wind by, nothing of any interest or note. You feel a bit hot, longing for the cold air of the night. You can't wait to go home and take a shower. 
Finally, the two of you escape into the night, the cold air enveloping you. You still feel a bit hot. Chrollo leans in, whispering in your air as the two of you stop a few feet away from the front doors of the manor. 
“I'll get the necklace.” he whispers, pulling away from you with a brief kiss to your forehead. Then louder he continues, “Stay right here baby, I'll be right back.”
You nod, hand tracing the spot he had kissed as you watch him disappear into the night. Your skin tingles where his lips had touched it, and your heart pounds a bit fast in your chest. You still feel hot, even though you’ve escaped into the cold air. You sit down on a small bench, feeling a bit out of breath, and stair at the manor you had just exited. It's really a lovely building, the gothic architecture hiding in the shadows of the night. Light pours out from most of the windows of the multi story building, casting panes of yellow light onto the cobblestone driveway. The manor is on the main road, but set back to give the illusion of exclusivity. You yawn, sinking back against the small bench.
“There you are, pretty lady.”
You jump, opening your eyes abruptly. The car guy from earlier is standing over you, his legs only a few inches from your crossed legs. You glare up at him, much too tired to deal with his nonsense. 
“Can I help you?” You ask, your annoyance leaking out in your tone. Where the hell is Chrollo?
The man scoffs. 
“Why so rude, girly,” He simpers, “you should be loosening up to me soon.”
“You're bothering me,” You mutter, rolling your eyes. You feel a bit weak for some reason, muscles refusing to cooperate as you force yourself to stand. You totter a bit and the man catches you. His hands feel unpleasant, and you recoil quickly. 
The man considers, tilting his head to the side in confusion. 
“It should be kicking in about now,” He mutters to himself, hand on his chin as he eyes you up and down. His eyes feel slimy, goosebumps run against your skin as he grips your biceps, holding your arms against your side. “No matter, I'll just have to start early.”
He licks his lips, and your skin runs cold as what he intends to do to you becomes clear. You struggle, but feel strangely sluggish. Your body feels like jelly, hot and cold at the same time, and your limbs feel weak. The man laughs unpleasantly, grinning down at you, his eyes focused on your boobs.
“Not so tough now, aren't you?” He simpers. 
You try to struggle, trying desperately to pull your arms from his grip, to twist away, to escape. But you can't. You should be able to, this man is not more physically fit than you, but for some reason your body feels so weak. You bite back a whimper of fear, desperate not to show any emotion. It's been a while since you were afraid. 
“Your husband left you all alone, did he? Don't worry, i'll take good care of yo—”
He stills, his body going straight and tight. And then his eyes roll back and you watch him topple sideways, his hands leaving your arms as he crumples to the ground. You bite back a sob of relief as Chrollo grins at you, patting his hands of any free dust. 
“I've got the necklace, so let's head out.” He says, and then as he takes you in, trembling slightly like a leaf in the wind he continues, “are you alright?”
You shake yourself, forcing a grin as you fight through the liquid in your brain and the jelly in your limbs. You shoot him a smile.
“Just lovely!” you say, trying to convince yourself as you force your legs to move, propelling yourself towards the gate. “Let's head home.”
You assume Chrollo is following you, but you can't be sure. You can barely focus on anything, only propelling your legs forward, and ignoring the searing heat that is boiling in your blood, under your skin, in your gut. You feel like you're going to dissolve, melt into a puddle onto the ground. You can smell Chrollo behind you, a mix of citrus cologne and sweat, and a heavy musk that you can't place. You bite back a whimper, suppressing the urge to move closer to that scent, to curl into his body. You stumble a bit, quickly regaining your balance as you move out of the gate and back onto the street. Chrollo catches up, shooting you glances as he walks beside you.
“You sure you're alright, name?” he asks. The streets are empty at this time of night, but light streams down around you, from windows overhead to the pools of light below the street lamps. You no longer have any trouble walking, strowing confidently across the pavement, your hips swaying. You feel hungry.
“Oh, I'm doing just fine~” You sing-song, feeling a bit giddy with happiness. A singular man walks by and you have the sudden urge to chase after him, and make him kiss you. It's gone as soon as it has come, but it makes you snap out of your fearver, coming to a sudden stop on the concrete. 
“Ok wait, maybe something is wrong,” You say, bringing a hand up to your forehead. You feel no fever, but your hand shakes as you bring it away. Your body is still pulsing with heat, thrumming from your toes to the tips of your fingers and back down. And then the pain strikes. Blinding white pain running in tandem with the pleasure, mixing into a terrible cocktail of agony. You suppress a whimper, as your knees buckle, sending you tumbling towards the hard concrete.
Chrollo catches you before you can fall, reaching out to grip your waist, catching you a few feet from the ground. You bit back another whimper, this one threatening to rise from your throat as you feel his warm hand around your waist. You feel like crying.
“Name?” Chrollo says, gently bring his hand up to your chin and turn your face to look at him. “Can you tell me what's going on?
You whimper, unconsciously nuzzling into his hand as the burning pain recedes a bit to the edges of your body, and your consciousness returns slightly.
“I don't know,” You whimper, fully relaxing against him. He's the only thing between you and the cold hard concrete. “Why are you asking me like it's my fault?”
“Ok,” Chrollo says, grabbing your waist tightly and pulling the both of you to your feet. “Let's get you inside.”
“Mhm,” You murmur, nuzzling into his shoulder and breathing in his lovely scent. “Whatever you say.”
♱♱♱
The receptionist of the hotel sends him a scornful look as he walks up to the front desk, helping you walk.
It's a rather gaudy hotel, clearly a love hotel but it was the first one Chrollo spotted so it would have to do. It was better to get you into a hotel as soon as possible, you're clearly on some type of drugs.
The receptionist seems to agree, with the way she glares tiredly at him. 
“I switch jobs and it's always the same, huh.” She mutters, hitting the keys loudly. “Name, sir?”
“Benton,” Chrollo says, sliding the fake identification card across the counter. “This is my wife, Name Benton.”
“Uh huh,” The receptionist, Fumiko, sighs deeply through her teeth. “What kind of room do you want?” 
“Ah, I'll take the cheapest option please.” Chrollo says.
Fumiko raises an eyebrow, pinning him to the spot with her stare and letting silence fill the mostly empty lobby. Slowly, she slides her eyes to you, clearly drugged on his shoulder, and back to him. Chrollo feels more ashamed than he's ever felt before. 
“Cheapass,” Fumiko whispers, returning to the keyboard loudly. “Id?”
“Oh it–”
“Yeah,” Fumiko says, swiping it from the countertop. She looks at it for too long, holding it up to the light. Chrollo fears for a moment that she'll kick them out. He really doesn't want to find another love hotel, and you're getting more and more limp by the moment. Thankfully, she just sighs, going back to the computer with a sigh.
“Why do I even bother?” She mutters to herself, sliding the id back across the counter at him. “It's always worse, every time I ask. From barely legal to barely conscious…”
She continues muttering to herself, tapping away at the keys of the computer as Chrollo stands there, your body draped ungracefully against his side, breath coming in uneven little bursts. There's definitely something wrong with you.
“Cash or card?” Fumiko says. Chrollo slides the money over the counter. For some reason, he feels like this was the wrong move as Fumiko regards him with more suspicion as she hands over the room key.
“Enjoy your stay,” She bites out. 
“Thank you.” Chrollo says, moving towards the elevator of the pink and red lobby. He feels her hard stare on his back until the elevator doors close behind them. He hoists you up, cradling you in his arms for the second time tonight as your head lolls back, faint little pants exiting your mouth. Your eyes are hazy, your pretty curled hair tangling with his arms, hanging towards the ground in a waterfall of color. You look very pretty, but then again you always do.
It's a bit of a struggle to get you into the room, but he manages it, juggling you and the door as it shuts behind him with a solid heavy thud. He places you gently on the bed, sighing in relief and turning away to shed his own coat. When he turns around, you blink slowly at him. 
“Ah, you're awake?” he says, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. “How are you feeling?”
You dont reply, blinking slowly at him, eyes hazy. Chrollo feels a bit more worried. You're not really conscious, you’ve barely spoken full sentences since that man put his dirty hands all over your arms. He had assumed your lack of fighting had been to avoid a scene, but maybe it was something else. 
“Name, I need you to tell me what's wrong.” Chrollo begs you, more worry than strictly necessary leaking into his voice. Finally, your pink lips part.
“Hot,” You mutter, jumping to your fighting with the top of your dress. “Help me out of this.”
Chrollo obeys, turning you around and undoing the zipper of your black dress with a sigh. He ignores the swaths of skin on display from him, pointing his eyes strictly over your shoulder. You sigh, slipping out of your dress. Chrollo watches it pool below you on the floor, black slinky material sitting in a pile. You smile up at him for a moment, a twinkle of innocence in your hazy eyes, your hair sitting messily upon your shoulders, the straps of your bra tempting his eyes to look a little further. 
“Are you feeling better?” He asks instead, keeping his eyes strictly above your collarbones. You do have nice collarbones. He'd like to kiss them, if you would let him. You don't seem to like him much. Chrollo acknowledges that you must consider him boring, compared to the louder and more eccentric mission partner you were assigned. But he could be interesting. If you’d let him.  
“Mm,” You humm, turning away to crawl onto the bed. Chrollo's eyes take in your body as you crawl back, your ass on display for him to view. You're wearing matching black underwear. Heat runs through his body, and Chrollo feels his dick jump against his thigh. It's probably been too long. 
You’ve propped yourself up on your knees, your face pressed against the white bedsheets, your ass still high in the air, presented like a present. Chrollo is beginning to understand what exactly that man had slipped you. It must have been an Aphrodisiac of some sort. It's clear as you wind your hand down, and Chrollo watches you stroke your pussy through your panties. He clears his throat.
“What are you doing, Name?” He asks, undoing another button on his shirt. It's too hot here. 
“I feel so hot,” You whimper, and Chrollo watches as you push your panties aside, slipping a finger into yourself with a squelch. Chrollo bites his lip, hard. 
“Do you need my help?” He asks. You need to say yes. What will he do if you don't. He might lose his mind.
“Yeah,” You whimper, the white sheets stark against your pink lips. “Hurry.”
Chrollo moves embarrassingly fast, tossing his belt and shoes onto the floor with his jacket, and thrusting himself inside of you.
Your back arches, your toes curling in the white fabric as you clench deliciously around him. Chrollo bites back a groan, embarrassed of his eager behavior. He would have linked to work you up normally, maybe eat your pretty pussy. But that would have to wait for another day. And it seems you don't mind as you buck against him, urging him to move. 
“Ugh, you're big.” You whimper, hands knotting prettily in the white sheets. You look so pretty like this, turned on your back and grinning hazily up at him. He wonders how long this will last. He wonders if when you awaken tomorrow, you’ll regard him with the same cautious contempt you always do. 
Chrollo grips your waist with his hands, thrusting himself deep inside your clenching walls, setting a slow deep pace. You move with each thrust, pretty pink mouth letting out breathy pants and groans. If he's lucky, a pant of his name. The world around you is hazy, the gap of window shown by the curtains is fogged up, condensation and sweat muddling the world beyond. Your back arches, your body trembling as you grow closer to your orgasms.
“I'm close,” You whimper, muffled against the sheets. Chrollo presses his body against yours, pressing the two of you deep into the bed. You're laying flat now, your but reaching up to meet his short, deep thrusts. Your walls are clenching around him, driving him giddy.
Chrollo doesn't know how to feel. And so he focuses all of his energy on pleasing you. On watching the shudders and shivers of your shoulders, the clenching of your fingers, the gasping breaths spilling from your pink lips. He presses little kisses to your neck, leaving a pretty scatters of hickeys across your shoulders. The red spots make him swell with pride as you clench around him. 
“I'm cumming.” You groan, body tensing and walls suctioning him deep inside you. Chrollo obeys your body's command, thrusting himself deep inside of you one more time and letting himself go. Your moans are pretty as you come, and Chrollo muffles his own sounds in your shoulders, as stars the color of your eyes spill across his eyelids. 
He doesn't know what's going to happen after this. But at least for now, as he pulls himself out of you and curls up beside you, the world is content.
...
Endnotes: sry this ones kinda short i had a lot going on today lol
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