#so i'm not 100% sure if i'll have room to make new art

[jojaxcola]

"no one told me back then that i was in the glory days."

[ jojamart mockumentary #14 ]

[ prev ]

[dolene]

MUSE TO MY MELODIES!

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

summary: from all the great melodies, there is the artist and her muse who's doing the work.

content warnings: her face claim is laufey, supportive bf charles, she has a sister, cursing (but just for a bit)

yourusername

liked by radvxz, phoebebridgers, and 217,190 others

yourusername guess where am i (slide 3)

show all 15,582 comments

landonorris the king of atlantis's museum

⤷ yourusername good answer but no

     ⤷ landonorris oh cmon😔

phoebebridgers that fit chic is so brocolli core

     ⤷ priscillawesley More like an e-coli core

     ⤷ yourusername WATCHA MOUTH -nicki minaj

logansargeant Florida, wasn't it?

     ⤷ yourusername no americans allowed

     ⤷ logansargeant Ouch 🤕🤕🤕

     ⤷ yourusername kidding, but yeah you got it so 100

     ⤷ username Y/N IS IN FLORIDA & POSSIBLY W LOGAN 🦅🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲🦅🦅🦅

radvxz I love the slide one and two... But then there's three existing 😔

     ⤷ yourusername that is literally the point

username She just randomly there and Pris is taking the pics

     ⤷ yourusername she's a lifesaver 😇

     ⤷ priscillawesley Surely I am. Imagine her posts without me😎

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, scuderiaferrari, and 469,661 others

charles_leclerc Strolling around Rome

show all 16,437 comments

carlossainz55 suddenly i'm into bossa nova

username YES HER CONCERT IN ITALY BEGIN

username y/n typical red shoes fit is always hits no matter what

username Charles, you sure it aint Pris who took this

     ⤷ priscillawesley He should be grateful I have a class today

username mm i smell new album announcement

     ⤷ priscillawesley Keep being delulu, honey

     ⤷ username 😭😭😭

username ALBUM ANNOUNCEMENT WHEN???

username it's been so long i memorized typical of me in one go

username PLS PLS COME TO BRASIL

     ⤷ username no she gonna come to grammy first and announce her new album js like taylor would do

     ⤷ username WHTS WRONG W YALL AND HER NEW ALBUM??????😭😭😭😭

username charles and y/n collab when?

     ⤷ username he should be featured in her new song

     ⤷ username Pris as a violinist and Charles as a Pianist, what a combo!

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, sebastianvettel, and 680,536 others

yourusername i've never done anything so fast like this before

show all 12,572 comments

username Y/N WHAT😭

lewishamilton direct offense to you charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc Oh this is just so low

username i know how his cooking gonna end up, so i'll be her if i were there

username That emoji gonna say that "i'll make u my pasta disaster, honey"

username idk why is she even post this but this is definitely hilarious 😂

priscillawesley But I can't lie, that looks really delicious

     ⤷ yourusername the art of rush cooking is just so😌👌

username EVEN SEB LIKING THIS BC HE KNOWS

     ⤷ yourusername even i was surprised😭 i didn't expect this at all

     ⤷ charles_leclerc Same

yourusername

liked by reneerapp, honeymoon, and 592,551 others

yourusername look at my facebook mom boyfriend 😚😚

show all 22,619 comments

charles_leclerc Is this a flattery or a mock?

     ⤷ lilymhe Flattery definitely

reneerapp why did u take this?

lilyzneimer 😂😂

username facebook mom charles is confirmed a long long time before this event even happened

     ⤷ yourusername this was truly a canon event

username but whys he looking so good tho

username What is he taking picture of?

     ⤷ username HES SHOWING THEM HER NEW ALBUM

     ⤷ username them in meaning is no one

     ⤷ username his camera roll is filled with him and the empty space

scuderiaferrari At least he's fashionable 😉

     ⤷ username is fashionable at the room with us?

yourusername added a photo to their story!

caption: hehe 😉

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by xtina, charles_leclerc, florencepugh and 759,100 others

yourusername charles said it's a ✨picture-dump✨

show all 956 comments

landonorris i can't unsee what i see

maxverstappen1 Enjoying your meal by yourself, Handsome?

     ⤷ yourusername wrong person, sorry

priscillawesley Charles, what are u talking about? It's obviously a memory-burn 🙄

     ⤷ yourusername no, and we've talk about this before

username what is that strawberry with a head on

     ⤷ username y/n for x men is real

username okay now say whoever stick that head into the poor strawberry

radvxz Oh no...

taylorswift I'm living for the aesthetics.

     ⤷ username TAYLOR WHAT'S THE AESTHETICS IN THIS??

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, normani, sza, and 1,529,807 others

yourusername after a long while of waiting and teasing, the cat has finally out of the bag! and i present this to all of you.

Bewitched out February 13th! 🤎🤍

show all 45,239 comments

radvxz 😭😭😭

username WE'RE NOT CLOWNING ANYMORE

sza CAN'T WAIIITTT

username WE ALR GOT THE VINYL???? best moment of my life

charles_leclerc 😚🥰

     ⤷ username i'm forever gonna live for supportive bf charles

arianagrande soo excited!!

username finally the album we're deluluing is real

lola.tung AHHHH amaaaazingg

maisiehpeters big year for witch girls 😭♥️

amandarachlee omg u look amazing

username Okay now where can i listen this on orchestra?

jeremyzucker GO Y/N!!!!

landonorris was listening to your song until you distract me with this🙄😌

username she said worry no more, i got u covered *wink*

[darkbluekies]

hi hi how have you been if it's no trouble and if you are taking requests can I request your ocs with an artist reader that gives them a painted picture of themselves, If it's too difficult pls ignore this. Thanks and have a great day/night♡

(sorry if my grammar is bad)

A/N: I'm so sorry, there might have been some translation error in my brain that said that yn gave the yanderes a picture of themselves, not of yn! I'm still not 100% sure what you mean, but I wrote this. I hope you'll like it even if it's the wrong interpretation :(♡

Warnings: a bit suggestive parts in Edmund's and Silas’s

Silas:

You’re quietly coming into his office with something behind your back. Silas looks curious, asking you what you want since you never come down to his office. Youquickly give the paper over to him and attempts to run, but he lets his men lock the doors before you have the time to reach them.

“Now, now, don’t run. Let’s see what you’ve given me … wow, baby, this is magnificent. You drew me? Why haven’t you told me that you have such a talent, little thing? Now, don’t get all shy now. I really like it. I’ll keep it right here on my desk. Come here now so I can give you a kiss.”

Dr Kry:

He can tell that you’ve been drawing something for over an hour by now, but you haven’t let him see it. Everytime he comes close you pull the paper away. He’s growing curious, he can’t deny that. By lunchtime, you give him your artwork. He scans it with a small smile on his face.

“You made this of me? How sweet of you. I will cherish this dearly, I promise. Do you like to draw? Do you want me to buy you some supplies?”

King Edmund:

He has hundreds of portraits from all ages. Every year there's a new portrait of him (and you) hung in the throne room. But when you give him a messy sketch of him that you made while waiting for him to finish a meeting, he's mesmerized. You've caught something that the other painters haven't. There's something real about your sketch. Something human that has gotten erased in the official portraits.

"This is so beautiful, my jewel. You have a wonderful talent. I want you to paint my next portrait. And I'll do whatever pose you want, wearing whatever you want."

Jerry:

She likes to make some sketches too. But nothing professional. Just some doodles when she's bored. She has let you borrowed her sketchbook while she's gone in a warehouse to retrieve stuff you want nothing to do with. You draw her from memory and when she returns you hand the book back. She catches a glimpse of the small cartoonish sketch you've made of her.

"Is this supposed to be me? Why did you make my face so round? I have a jawline, you know. I'm just teasing, I know it's an art style. It's stupidly cute somehow. I'll make one of you later and then we'll keep them in our phonecases, got it?"

Hedwig:

You're not paying attention in class again. It's okay, though! Hedwig will give you her notes. You're leaning against the wall, doodling. You start to draw your girlfriend, picturing her side profile magnificently.

"Y/N, we'll work in pairs now- … oh, is that me? Wow, you're amazing! You have to show me more later, I didn't know you had such good talent! Can I keep it? Thank you, I'll hang it in my locker and get reminded of you every time I open it!"

[prikarin]

Regarding Killer Trait Updates

Hello, everyone!

It's been a good minute since my last Killer Trait update, hasn't it?

A lot of people have been asking me about Killer Trait updates and when the full-game will be released so, after a lot of thought, I decided to make this post.

Here's the thing: my Patreon hasn't been doing well. It hasn't been doing well for several months now. While the decline started after Where Winter Crows Go's release in November of last year, it's gotten progressively worse from February 2024 onwards. And because of this I'm going to have to pause my billing for my current patrons from August onwards—at least until I have something new to post.

It'd be a lie if I said this didn't affect me, I'm only human after all, but I'm also well aware that Patreon is a tough thing to maintain in a way that's consistent and interesting.

Unfortunately, since I live in Argentina, my only real way to get funds for my games is through Patreon, donations on Ko-Fi and sales and donations on Itchio. While it definitely helps that I hire some people from Argentina for certain art related things (so I pay them in Argentine Pesos), most of the people I commission are from overseas, so it's always a must to be able to pay them in USD.

And that's the issue: since I don't have that much money anymore and I can't commission people as often... this inevitably delays my progress on both Killer Trait and Potion Pleasing (DEMO out now!) indefinitely. It's sucks for me too, but it's the reality: making games costs money.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Killer Trait will have re-designs for most of the characters (not counting Carl because his design was originally my own) since the ones in the DEMO were stock sprites I bought from an artist, not my own designs. And I want these characters to be 100% my own, which is why I decided to have them re-designed. I've talked about this in the past in more detail when I decided to have Crowe re-designed, you can find that post HERE.

Of course, for these new character sheets (with the exception of Oz's, which has already been finished) and the new sprites, I need game funds in order to commission the artist. Even after the sprites are done, there are a couple of backgrounds—the characters' rooms—that I'd like to have originally made (especially since the ones I bought from Minikle are very limiting and don't really fit with the characters' personalities). And this doesn't even account for CGs, which I'll probably have to postpone for a while because the sprites and the backgrounds are way more important.

Some might be thinking "What about Where Winter Crows Go?". While I was lucky that WWCG's first demo was so well received, I still spent a whole lot of money from my own pocket to make it. I bought a lot of assets and, when I got a few donations, I commissioned a few artists to help me. WWCG was NEVER a game made with only free resources.

Making the art book for WWCG was a way I found to get a little of that investment back, but I'm well aware that I'll never get all the money that I spent back. And that's okay! To this day, I don't regret having invested my money to make WWCG because it gave me a lot of experience, perspective and made me learn a lot.

Be that as it may, however, I can't realistically make the rest of my games free. As I mentioned before, game development is expensive in both money AND time. Without funds, it's a given that things are going to be delayed.

So... where does that leave things?

Well, after pondering on it for a while, I came to the conclusion that I'm not really ready for a crowdfunding campaign right now. Those are extremely hard and ALSO cost money to advertise well and make sure everything's in order. So... the temporary solution I arrived at is setting goals on Ko-Fi! 

How would this work? Basically, I would set a monetary goal of the amount of money needed for a certain asset in a certain game that needs to be made. For example: sprites & character sheets in Killer Trait. Once that goal is met, I'll commission the person in question so they can start working on it! After that, I'll set the next goal and so on 💪

I'm thinking of setting the first Ko-Fi goal once August starts. And from there... I'll see how it goes! If things don't go well, I'm also considering making Where Winter Crows Go paid for a while—don't worry, I would make an announcement first—because I honestly have no more ways of getting game funds for Killer Trait and Potion Pleasing and, as mentioned before, making games is really expensive (and I'm only one person).

Thank you so much for reading until the end and I hope you have an amazing day!

[shrekgogurt]

Ten Questions for Writers

Thank you for the tags! @artsyunderstudy @roomwithanopenfire @youarenevertooold @emeryhall @monbons @larkral I'm eating up reading your answers because we're all so DIFFERENT.

How many works do you have on AO3? 9 (technically 10 but we orphaned one of them out of shame)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 99,978 (mine) + 7,531 (shared) + 9,991 (someone else's) = 117, 500 (total)

What fandoms do you write for? presently, Carry On but back during my high school ff.net days I did some Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus (Percabeth and some separate OCs), Alex Rider (OCs), The 100 (as an elaborate prank), Harry Potter (literally just a My Immortal parody), and Divergent (OCs) and if they weren't oneshots they were never finished.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? YES! I'm currently behind on my replies, but it's so fun! It's like a book club but for stuff I created!!???? Shit rocks. I fully didn't expect anyone to read IKABIKAM (my first fic on ao3) when I first published it and so every comment still feels like a miracle.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! I love collaborating because it gives me something to bounce off of. A scene partner. A ticking timer. It's like lifting a heavy object by yourself versus getting someone else to bear some of the weight with you. It's easier. I also find myself constantly seeking collaboration with other people even with my solo fics. I'm all up in those DMs pestering people both as motivation and as external processing. And by GOD, do you fuckers have some good ideas. Y'all make me exponentially better.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? SnowBaz but also in a very real sense...Percabeth. (You never forget your first.)

What are your writing strengths? I got my start with rping, so dialogue is really comfortable for me. I also think my training in other art forms (dance, music, theatre, film, academia) positively influence my approach. When writing action, I often mentally frame it as 'blocking' the scene or 'choreographing' the movement. When crafting sentences, I'm constantly evaluating the rhythm and rhyme and repetition (not to mention alliteration) as if it's a song, always searching for the perfect word or metaphor. I also listen to actual songs and pull the emotion from them, using them as character studies or a musical soliloquy. I imagine shots and then write what I see from the perspective of a director explaining the actor’s motivating thoughts. I constantly revisit my thesis, grounding the narrative in callbacks and a cohesive structure like it's an academic paper. And all those things combined create this kinetic cause and effect style I'm really proud of and tangibly improves every time I write something new.

What are your writing weaknesses? I do not have a firm grasp on proper grammar. I'm also really slow and inconsistent with my output because my process is so physically disorganized and meticulous which often frustrates me. I'm also impatient. I don't do wholesale messy drafts; I edit as I go and when I'm done I want it published immediately. I also fall victim to the white room syndrome with physical descriptions. Establishing shots? Don't know them. What a guy looks like? What they're wearing? Sorry, I haven't told you because it felt weird to jam in there. Outside of fanfiction, I also struggle with creating something from nothing. I'm a theologian rather than a god. I much prefer playing in a sandbox and exegeting meaning from someone else's grunt work rather than conjuring the wood and the sand myself. My writing is also incredibly referential to pop culture which I'm not sure would translate outside of fanfic, but I guess I'll cross that bridge if I ever get to it.

First fandom you wrote for? Divergent (big cringe)

Now tagging! @onepintobean @cutestkilla @theearlgreymage @thewholelemon @mooncello @brilla-brilla-estrellita @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @bookish-bogwitch @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @urban-sith @prettygoododds @valeffelees @ileadacharmedlife TELL ME HOW YOU WRITE YOU GENIUSES

[cowboy]

journal #2

Good eve. :)

I've been in a strange way these past few days. I don't even know where to start seeing as this is seen by strangers who know nothing about my life, not even the mundane or simple things. but I'll just go into it.

This feeling I've been having of feeling like a tiger pacing in a cage has existed for years now and it flares up every once in a while. what does it feel like to let that pressure buildup go? is it possible to let it go? what would cause that pressure to burst and be freed? is this feeling eternally subconscious-to-conscious-to-subconscious-again? as in, i feel like it comes and goes but always exists. does it ever truly, truly leave? what does it mean to feel free, or cageless, anyway?

do y'all even know that feeling i'm talking about? lmao.

i have been going crazy over this crush for way too long and that's definitely adding to my feeling. i feel absolutely tied to a crush when i have one; i become addicted to the sensation of being near them and i forego so many of my desires and needs for them.

i came back home the other day to a messy room for five days in a row and only today could i clean it. i'm actually also realizing i haven't had my meds for a month now and i think that's really adding to this feeling and these actions (or... lack thereof).

anyway, i made a hinge profile this morning and i quickly realized how much i enjoy being found cute! it usually makes me feel really nervous but the separation of an app/ability to just swipe left or whatever made me feel more in control. to be clear, i hate that i enjoy it so much. i feel very vain in that sense -- i suppose it's human, but i'd like to think i don't need/want to be found attractive. oh well. i do i guess. not sure if that's something i should like... fix.

hinge both helped and did not help at all with my crush. i've been able to realize there's attractive funny interesting people out there that my crush tunnel vision was distracting me from, so i feel a lot less tethered to my crush. on the flipside, i realized so quickly that the type of person i am really truly fully attracted to at the moment doesn't exist, because it's just my crush. i just want someone exactly like him because i just like him so much. Lmaoooooooooo.

i'm also feeling stuck on this one art piece i'm making for my now-ex-but-still-bestie -- here's a pic of all the drafts i made of it:

that pic is missing one; four drafts total exist.

here's a close up of the most completed one:

plus my stupid looking goose ass. (my eye is red and irritated rn.)

it says "isn't it funny that we're here and not there?" i liked this concept for a while but now i am sick of it after drawing it three times and i feel like the message is boring to me now. i wanna draw something new, but i haven't properly set aside the time to develop any novel concept that would be appropriate as a gift for my friend.

anyway, i'll try to figure that out. what i'm more interested is -- do you feel like you get anything from this image, emotionally or intellectually? does it interest you at all whatsoever? what do you think the meaning is behind this piece, if any is notable at all? (i like it when people form opinions or theories behind the meanings of my pieces, so anything is valid 100%.)

also, would anyone be interested in purchasing one of these original drafts from me for like $10 or $15? again, i'm seeing if i might dip my toes into selling my art online so any feedback is helpful. hehe.

i'll end here. i have some more to post -- i'll be posting a little sketch comic draft of "notes on having a crush" and maybe people can find those relatable or what have you.

i hope everyone's having an excellent day. i am having a good one myself, despite that strange feeling of being pent-up and unresolved. :)

[goron-king-darunia]

Eggtober 21st, 2023

"Strange Flower" or "Controversy" Overcooked Hard-boiled Egg with Mayonnaise

(Clip Studio Paint, Gouache Brush, Airbrush for Paprika and Pepper. 12 colors, about 30 minutes.) Woke up with this idea. Mayo is a controversial condiment and I 100% understand. I hate custard filling in things like donuts. It's goopy, a little salty, and it has that texture to it that screams to your brain that "this is uncooked and probably bad to eat." And I think mayo is like that for lots of people, but worse. Because it's salty and a little sour and that same "uncooked" texture all sends the same signal but more like "this is rotten and falling apart. It's not good to eat." But I like mayo. Maybe I just got introduced to it in a more postitive way than custard or creme pat. Maybe because most creme pat comes to me in a donut at room temp and mayo usually comes from a refrigerated jar. Maybe it's because both are a little salty and eggy and so mayo reads as "a good sensible condiment for burgers and sandwiches and slaw salads" while creme pat reads as an "aberration that could only be put in a donut by accident." But then I think humans just kind of don't like seeing fatty substances all in one big glob. Same way lard is a common cooking ingredient in many non-USA countries but people in the "northern" non-farming USA see lard and only think "byproduct" like bacon grease and feel a visceral disgust the way I feel about burger grease. I think a lot of things are like that in life. Some of it's genetic, like the way cilantro tastes like soap to some and like a tasty floral herb to others. Some of it is experience, like a taste aversion to plums after a bad summer. And some of it is social. How we're taught to be disgusted by "byproducts" because that's not the thing we're intending to make, or it only happens when the thing you're making turns out "wrong." Some of it is political. I'm sure you all have ideas. And I think, on the one hand, disgust is useful. We get sick if we eat expired foods. We can die if we eat the wrong berry or mushroom. Being wary of the new is safe. An on the other hand, unbridled disgust is the enemy of curiosity and growth and discovery. When we turn away from things that make us uncomfortable, we lose a chance to learn.

So on the one hand I think this piece is about my experiences becoming a more adventurous eater in my adulthood. I still don't like creme patissiere. But I'm not going to waste a donut because of it anymore. I don't like red bean paste. But at least I know what it tastes like now, and it's not just a blind discomfort around something new. I'll never get over how the texture of glutinous rice cakes remind me of chewing gum, a thing I've been taught to spit out. But I can understand why people like mochi.

And I think on another hand (many hands today) this piece is also about how @quezify plays with disgust and horror and beauty. And how that curiosity disgusts some people and enamors others. How it ties you in knots. How wound dressing and debridement are all at once an act of love and an act of mutilation. How there's beauty there in something so instinctively disgusting.

Dunno exactly. That's what the art's there for, I guess. To express what I can't quite put in words. I hope it's disgusting, and I hope it's beautiful.

I wonder if @lady-quen's breadbugs will have fun with this one?

Speed paint~

I don't know if my style can really render any gravitas to it, with how soft everything is, but I hope it speaks to someone.

[discluded]

Dang is Pond on an unofficial redemption tour for himself with all these great talks about BL soft power/censorship? And I saw his post or speech about learning from past mistakes/handlings. Making me like him again….sometimes….as a creative anyway…. Please don’t blow it again sir.

Hey! So it was funny, I was actually talking with @blramblingx2 about the Pond piece yesterday cause they were looking for an opinion from a Pond critic who wasn't foaming at the mouth, and I think the piece was posted right as the other article was blowing up, which was why today's article wasn't included in the write up.

For the ICYMI crowd, here's what I'm talking about:

CEO of Be on Cloud Pond Krisda: Friend or Foe? by @blramblingx2

"How can the government acknowledge that Boy's Love is soft power (for Thailand), but not support it?" from this tweet that was blowing up:

I'm not 100% sure this is a 1-to-1 English version of the article given the breadcrumbs are different and the English version was published two days after the Thai language version, but the title and breadcrumbs had this concerning title: "Thai Director Defends His Government-funded Soft Power Film"

This is what he actually said and where the lede was buried and why I had so many concerns with the English version:

“I would like to emphasize this term ‘soft power’ again, because it is very important. People and the media have referred to or reported on the same-sex series as soft power. However, we have never received support. But today it’s starting. I am getting a little support from the government now, but what I really want is the support of the Thai people, who should no longer classify the film as a same-sex film, but as a good film.”

The financial support is international marketing, not in the production of the film. the Thai government had no say in the actual content being produced, which is where I think a lot of people were concerned that given the recent political situation in Thailand.

I'll say this as a summation, I've never doubted that Man Suang would feature a romance between Chat and Khem. I'm not sure where this recent hand-wringing about whether or not it would be a romance alongside being a mystery/historical film came from.

I've also never had any concerns about the art, or Pond's dedication to furthering the artistic vision while refusing let anything in the way of reflecting queer love in all its facets. See: Pool scene and the production loves its queer audience back.

@moerusai actually expressed concern to me the Pond piece was going to be an apologist piece that would brush his handling of the Build/Poi situation under the rug, and I let Mo know that I did not hold back in my opinion of that being a point where a lot of people who were neutral on Pond felt extreme anger about how poorly he handled that situation and made a mockery of its seriousness while at least appearing to side with Build.

That being said, in terms of Pond learning from his mistakes and his recent comments about reflecting, this is what I said as well:

I think the problem with how fandoms behave these days is there's no room for accepting that actors, people working with them, are also changing, and taking into account that people can grow. The Mew from TharnType is not the same person he is today, and that's OK. But for many fans, the state of reality became fixed, and no new information can change how you should feel about someone, despite new information becoming available to fans,

So the tl;dr answer to your question is: I'll believe it when I see it, and I hope Pond keep his word.

But I think another key take away from the article is like, it doesn't matter how we as fans feel about Pond. I can be annoyed at him at times, and not care to see his face, but that doesn't warrant the insane and aggressive vitriol that has been directed at him. Like, isn't there enough MileApo content these days to visit and revisit? What is with people and this weird Pond fixation?

[slylock-syl]

hallo!! i have a class where i get to work on a single, big independent project and i’m planning on making a comic. under/source has been one of my favorites for a long time so i was just wondering how you started out making it and the process and any tips etc etc. my teacher said a 22-page series would suffice and i have ibispaint and procreate at my disposal. thanks!! <3<3

dskjgLSKDJ A! I'm honored!

The way I started everything was more or less I forced myself to sit down and work on it, cuz I knew if I didn't I would procrastinate it into oblivion and never start it-

First I make sure I have the plot figured out and scripted out so drawing the scenes goes (relatively) smooth, always keep in mind rewrites can be done at ANY stage if needed! If I get stuck somewhere or need to think, often I'll get up and pace around the room just thinking. If I get REALLY stuck then I'll leave the section alone to return to it later and continue writing other scenes.

For the drawing stage, personally I break down the process amongst multiple days, having a schedule to stick to REALLY helps me X'D I use Clip Studio myself so my process may differ a bit.

Day 1: The roughest sketch imaginable, where the pages are planned out in the loosest, stick figured sketches for basic planning

Day 2: Find and place any assets I may need in the pages, like new brushes or objects, models/posing, etc

Day 3: Rough sketch time, where the stick figures actually become something I can turn into line art

Day 4: Line art day, where I usually complete all the line art and some other character details

Day 5: Coloring day, I do ALL the coloring for both the characters and the backgrounds, and finish any other character details

Day 6: Everything else because posting is in a few hours! XD, any background shading/modifications, character shading/modifications, the borders, text, and any other FX or details

Day 7: Day off, either a complete day off or a day 100% reserved for doing any other work (commissions, other comic work/projects, etc)

That's more or less my full process! Some steps can definitely be consolidated into less days but this seems to work best for my brain XD Good luck on your project! 💜

[morphemeta]

gakuto oshiro. cis man. he/him. bisexual. ⇝ hey, isn’t that hirokazu 'kaz' amuro ? i think that the forty-six year old from okinawa, japan works as a city council member & owner of dracula's coffin club, but outside of that people describe them as shelves of leatherbound books, artworks hanging in gilded frames, expensive vintage wines in their rack and not a thing out of place; a dark room illuminated only by the flicker of candlelight; an old photo album, full of snaps from a disposable camera, hidden away in the back of a forgotten closet; crisp suits, expensive jewellery, an image so perfectly designed as to be uncanny; strong posture, total control of the room, a gaze sharp enough to dissuade any arguments . i hear they are manipulative & a control freak, but they are also known to be sentimental & artistic . consider giving them a visit at their home in the winterwood estates and get to know why they’re called the tormented.

IMPORTANT LINKS: will be added when they're ready!

TW: emotional neglect in childhood, disappearance/death of a loved one??

just to make my intentions with this character very clear before we get any further, this guy SUCKS. he's meant to be somewhat antagonistic and just all-round not that great a guy. sure, he probably has his redeeming features & he was a decent person at some point but :) time changes ppl, i guess! i feel like he's probably pretty amicable and decent on the surface but he's also very two-faced so it's like...Be Careful <3 also, i have no particular want to plot any active ships for this character. this isn't because of a lack of interest on his part, it's just because i don't necessarily want to write, or think it's appropriate to rp, what would definitely be a very toxic relationship! also he's definitely still in love with a person who's been missing for twenty years so there's also that. anyway, that's my little note done. read away! also! unlike most of my other muses (except ash), this is a new character i'm writing just for anchorage so please keep in mind a lot of stuff is generally subject to change. i'm going to try and work out the kinks as i go but this intro might not stay 100% totally accurate.

BASICS.

His full name is Hirokazu Amuro (安室洋一) but he started going by Kaz for short once he moved to the States in his late teens. It just kind of stuck. I imagine his nickname growing up would have been 'Hiro'.

Kaz was born in Okinawa City, Okinawa Prefecture, Japan and is of direct Okinawan descent. Kaz may describe himself as Japanese for simplicity's sake but he considers himself Okinawan first & Japanese second. (Okinawans/Ryukyuans are an unrecognised ethnic minority in Japan & are ethnically/culturally distinct from the mainland Japanese majority BUT that's all I'll say on the matter bc this is a topic on which I am not qualified to speak & that presumably requires far more nuance than should be squeezed into an rp intro hehe)

He speaks Japanese (standard & Okinawan dialects) and English fluently, and he knows a little Uchinaaguchi. I imagine he knows some other languages too, I just haven't settled on that. I think he's very interested in cultures and language.

As a council member, he dedicates a lot of his attention to the Arts sector, having taken it upon himself to oversee the relevant funding and the like. He's very invested in the arts and considers it a matter of great personal interest. Kaz is also a known patron/doner of the Hanging Arts Gallery and paid out of his own pocket to financially support certain productions of the Single Carrot Theatre, especially due to his history with the venue. This has given him a reputation for being philanthropic but it largely comes from a place of self-interest and satisfying his own wants and needs.

Similarly, he's donated money to publications such as the Anchorage Daily Diem under the guise of support but the reality is that he has built up a good rapport with news outlets so as to give him more control over how he's portrayed in the media. Money speaks. And money can make sure that you don't speak.

This is a recurring issue, for the record. He very much needs to be in control of things. He's not especially power-hungry, and is quite content to sit back and let things play out without him lifting a finger, but he likes to be the one putting pawns in their places to ensure things go his way. Obviously, his success here will vary but, again, this is just how he likes things to be.

All this to say, he's kind of a known eccentric, hence his ownership of the Coffin Club. What can I say? He likes spooky shit. On top of that, the way he presents himself in public is so particular and perfect and poised that it's a little uncanny. I think he probably comes off a little unsettling.

I imagine he might clash with his fellow council members at times because he prefers to speak directly and he's kind of condescending, especially if he disagrees with you on something. He holds grudges too and is the type to start playing Devil's Advocate just to rile someone up because he happens to dislike them. He also doesn't have much issue just insulting people SO UH....

He likes screwing with people. I really picture him as the type of guy to pour a glass of red wine over someone's head in order to humiliate and belittle them.

Insufferable rich man.

CHILDHOOD

Hirokazu was born, on 13th October 1978, as the second of two children, the only son, of a wealthy family. His father was in business, as his father had been before him, and his mother was a homemaker who had also come from a wealthy background. It was tolerant but largely loveless marriage, the couple having come together at the behest of their respective families (who had been primarily concerned with what the union might do for their collective reputations). It is hard to say that the Amuro children grew up surrounded by much warmth but they were comfortable.

The expectations placed on the two Amuro children were high, particularly for Hirokazu who had been deigned the obvious sucessor to his father's work. They were raised in a strict home where studying well to impress the parents was the be-all-and-end-all. They had strict curfews and were forbidden from the sort of hobbies their parents considered frivolous and a waste of time. If the children weren't working to improve themselves for future job prospects, they were wasting time.

Fortunately for Hirokazu, he was a clever and studious child and never struggled much in this regard. He was also a voracious reader and, to his good luck, this was considered an acceptable hobby. He was known to spend hours at the library down the road from his family home. It was just about the only source of entertainment to which he had easy access.

In his early teen years, he grew irritated with this constrictive lifestyle, of only doing and reading and even thinking this that had been approved of by his family. The first step in breaking free was a very, very small one indeed: he deliberately hunted out the pulpiest, schlockiest book he could find in the entire library, a beaten-up and dog-eared old copy of some horror anthology, and found himself hooked. The entire genre was such a far cry from the world in which he lived, full of freaks and weirdos and people who obeyed none of the rules. This led to him reading more and more horror, and then to him sneaking away to the local arthouse cinema where they'd show strange and splattery flicks imported all the way from places like Italy. Here, he learned that he didn't really want to follow in his father's footsteps. Business bored him but art fascinated him.

In his first year of high school, at the age of sixteen, Hirokazu took it upon himself to form and appoint himself leader of the school's new Horror Literature Club. The membership was small but the attendance was strong. (It should be of note that the small attendance was also what justified his position as leader, despite being a first year.) This was also Hirokazu's very first taste of leadership. He'd never been an outgoing child and was usually left alone by other children but he found that, suddenly, people listened when they believed he was important. This stint lasted until halfway through his second year of high school, at which point his father found out what he'd been doing and forced him to withdraw from the club altogether.

The new opening in his schedule would be filled with more studying. After all, he needed to get into a good uni if he wanted to maintain any respect in this family and his father wasn't just going to pay his children's way. If they couldn't earn their education on their own merits, they were no children of his. And, so, Hirokazu studied and studied until he secured himself a spot at a top university in Tokyo, studying Business (a decision made for him by his family). Because his sister had also gotten into a good women's university in the city a couple years prior, the family left the tropical climate of Okinawa behind and moved to Tokyo.

EARLY ADULT YEARS

Two years into his time at Uni, at the age of nineteen, he was offered the chance to take part in an exchange program that would send him to New York for a year. Eager, if not desperate, to get away from his parents, Hirokazu jumped at the opportunity. His father considered it a good chance for Hirokazu to branch out and network and so he approved it. Along with a good friend from Tokyo, Hirokazu made the move and immediately set to work on forging his own path, living his own for the very first time.

His actual education was of minor concern and Hirokazu immediately threw himself into the nightlife. He found himself at home in more alternative groups and more artistic spaces, even beginning to dabble in poetry himself. He surrounded himself bands and poets and artists, adopted the name Kaz and stayed out all night shoving fuck know what kind of substances into his body. He'd become a free sprit; the idea of rebellion had long since crossed his mind, so far had he come from those repressive beginnings.

And, then, he met them. They were just another member of Kaz's wider circle but, from the moment he laid eyes on them, he was infatuated. They would often break free from the rest of their circle in the wee hours of the morning to steal away private moments. At age twenty, Kaz had fallen in love for the first time and he fallen quite hard.

It was 1999 now and the two had been officially dating for quite some time. Kaz had made the decision to remain in New York and finish out his education there, having graduated that very year. He ignored his father's demands that he move back home and take up a position working alongside him. His partner mentioned wanting to up north somewhere for New Year's Eve, in the hopes of seeing the Northern Lights as the new millenium rolled in and, so, Kaz surprised them with a two week trip up to Anchorage.

During this trip, the two grew very fond of the strange town and decided to take root there, having found themselves feeling otherwise lost in life after graduating. Thanks to Kaz's wealthy background, they were able to buy a home in Delilah's Gated Den without any trouble. Kaz took up a job handling the finances for the Single Carrot theatre, believing it to be the ideal way to pursue his love of the arts while still making good use of his business degree.

In 2004, when Kaz was twenty-five, their partner disappeared. Another statistic in Anchorage's endless list of missing people. The news hit Kaz like a ton of bricks, his reality seeming to chip and crack around him. He was forced to watch, helpless, as those in charge seemed to do nothing, not a finger lifted for any casuality in the town. Unable to let go of his missing loved one and determined to prove that they were still out there, Kaz left his position at the theatre behind after five years of work and moved into local government. He would work his way up the ranks and find the answers he was after.

ADULT YEARS

After years of hard work, such hard work that it had bordered on obsession, Kaz had become a member of the Anchorage City Council. He was on top and he had access to everything he needed. That was when he learned about the Miroir, and that was when he had learned about their miroir. The cracks that had formed all those years ago splintered beyond repair. Shattering. The vague hopes onto which he had clung for so long twisted and contorted into something like rage and resentment. The journey he had taken to get to this point had already changed him for the worse, the years spent following only one trail blinding him to anything that did not serve his own interests, but this would only push him over the edge.

Separately from this, somewhere along the line he took it upon himself to start a small business of his own: Dracula's Coffin Club. Of course, his love of horror was never forgotten and this little shop is a testament to that. He's often too busy to do any work in the shop itself but it's sort of a little passion project for him. He still likes to write poetry in his own time too but that's a very private business. (SORRY THIS IS SUCH A SHIFT IN TONE LMAOO I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO PUT IT </3)

As for his family, they fell out with him during his Single Carrot years but, having caught wind of his successes in local government, they eventually changed their tune. Kaz was understandably not impressed with this but has tried to stay in their good books out of a desire to remain on his father's will. (His belief is that he deserves to be compensated for having this man as a father.) His sister has since taken his place as their father's successor, having proven herself a perfectly capable businesswoman, and has a family of her own whereas his mother has had some success in launching her own jewellery business. Kaz does not take any interest in their affairs.

[fereldanwench]

husbando still has to work today, so I've enlisted the help of my SIL to do another round of moving this morning/early afternoon, and then tomorrow, she and my brother will also come over for a few hours to help with getting most of our smaller stuff out of the old place

(then we'll probably order some lunch and fuck around bc the four of us are just ridiculous together tbh lmao <3 brother and husbando esp bc they just start riffing off each other and then we're just all on the floor in tears laughing so hard)

we're moving from a first-floor unit to a higher floor in the new place (which I'm actually stoked about, i much prefer being higher up), so we decided to hire movers for heavy furniture/appliances because fuck that noise. we did a 3rd-floor apartment move once NEVER AGAIN

i'm already so sore after just a few runs from yesterday though lmao my legs are gonna be so stiff after this weekend

anyway movers will be here early monday morning. we wanted to do it earlier, but they were all booked sat & sun so that is drawing it out a little bit. we're not gonna bring the cats over until we can sleep there (athena gets separation anxiety & i dont want her stressed in a new place without us around) so we'll bring them over Monday afternoon

but before that, on sunday we'll have sit around for two hours for internet to get setup at our new place, and idk what the fuck xfinity is doing. they make canceling their shit so goddamn difficult. it's not even like there's a chance they can retain us as customers, we literally can't use them in the new place

we've got until close to the end of the month at our old place to clean up, but i scheduled our utility shut-offs a little earlier, so next weekend will be the mega cleanup weekend

and then it'll just be the fun stuff! we're getting a lot of new furniture, and I'm so excited to have a living room again. our current one really morphed into husbando's office/man cave over the pandemic bc there was nowhere else for him to set up a WFH office, and i miss just having a couch to flop on with the kitties

i'm still not 100% sure what i'm gonna do with my new office space--i have one wall figured out, but the room is a little smaller than what i currently have, and i am losing some wall space so i'll have to figure out how to make 3 desks (one for art, one for gaming, and one for work) fit nicely in there. but it's a puzzle I'm excited to solve :D

and we have a good-sized balcony space i can't wait to furnish! that was one thing that was always lacking in our current space. plenty of space to expand my little urban garden and get some cozy seating out there

anyway, SIL will be here in just a few so no more rambling. I'm just a big ball of energy right now IM SO READY

[animehouse-moe]

Manga Collection Update March 2023

Documenting the development and growth of my collection is something I really enjoy. The majority of pictures in my camera roll are haul or collection pictures from over the recent years, and I really enjoy it for whatever reason. So I thought, hey, why not share that process and journey with other people? It doesn't take long, and others might find it cool, so here I am. At the most it'll be a monthly thing, but it's more likely to be longer and just be influenced by large changes to the collection. Anyways, let's get started.

Re-organizing

I'm posting this now because I just went through a big re-organization, that afforded me 2 whole shelves with my current bookshelves. That's room for probably about 45 volumes of manga, so just shy of "new" space for 100 volumes. Of course, I've still got other space so in total I have about 4 or so free shelves which is real nice.

What brought it about though? Mostly, being full up on space for art books. I had taken up a whole half-height shelf with art books and I felt like I was being inefficient with their storage, so at midnight on a weeknight I decided I would start re-organizing my collection. The first decision was to move all of my art books to my half-width (but full height) white bookshelf.

And it ended up being a really good decision. I managed to fit all my art books onto the shelf (with some on display) plus all my non-English manga. Of course, it's basically at absolute capacity, so I'll be looking into getting another narrow bookshelf to pair it with down the road.

Next, was changing out the half-height black bookshelf. Before, it only had 3 shelves on it total (due to the height of art books) so it was pretty cramped for sure. Switching to two shelves for Viz Sig sized manga, and 2 for regular/Seven Seas sized manga I've gained a lot of extra space.

Of course, I've not really properly organized it which needs to happen haha. My favorite bit on this shelf (though it's impossible to really see because of lighting) is the Neon Genesis Evangelion Side Story collection I have. It's not Ikari Project singles yeah, but I've also got all but one side story in my collection now, and I'm super excited about it. Stuff like Angelic Days is from 15 years ago now which is crazy to think about. Moving forward with the shelf though I want to try and clear out the hardcovers on the bottom shelf to make room for more LNs, but we'll see what I can manage first.

The last shelf that lives in my room is this full size black bookshelf (which is Ikea, all of them are). It's not really changed in recent times, but is pretty full up on manga, so with some of my orders coming in soon I'll definitely be re-organizing it and shifting volumes over to half-height black shelf.

And last but not least we have the pair of half-height white bookshelves in the basement. These are housing most of my "big" regular sized series, and has the majority of my complete manga titles. Because of that it's a little haphazard, but it was a great investment for overflow and space. For those curious the two jerseys you can just see in the image are Todd Gurley on the left and Keenan Allen on the right.

So that's where I'm at right now, just around 940 volumes. If you're curious about what all's in my collection (since some is hard to see/make out) you can check out my libib here. Getting close to 1000 certainly is pretty wild, so maybe I'll do another collection post once I hit that milestone!

[genericmain]

Original pinned post here, please read that before you follow.

Will probably revamp things after I return officially.

Alright, the time has come for me to address the elephant 🐘 in the room..

I'm going on a hiatus // lurking for now.

Please let me explain.

I know to some this post will be redundant or silly, but I have friends on here, and I'd like to think that y'all would notice and care if I just blooped for a bit. So.. Here's what's up.

Today was the first day that our roommate hasn't been awful to my wife and I, we live in a room that we rent with shared accomodations. It's not ideal, but it kept us from homelessness, and for that I'm grateful. I think we both are. We have a new place set up for February 1st, and while moving will take up majority of our time, we both know we'll feel better after the move. There is a small chance we will be elsewhere for a week or so before we move as well, and if that is the case, that'll help too.

So what does this have to do with my break//lurking? It's severely affecting my mental health. To the point that I had a psychotic/delusional episode, when I haven't had one in months. I'm exhausted, and seeing as I live in chronic pain, I have less energy (spoons) than I normally do. So if I'd start with half the energy of someone able bodied, I'm now starting with a quarter or an eigth to get through my days. I've been passing out the second I actually relax, so using my typical coping methods hasn't worked. Generally speaking, this blog is a source of comfort & positivity - And that is still true, but as of late I lack the energy to hold a conversation, or even make low effort selfship content - let alone finishing up tag games (I'm so sorry I will do it I swear) or reblogged stuff for later.

My point is, this blog doesn't take much to run or enjoy. So if it's affecting my ability to do even that, it's bad. It's really bad. I want to be able to do an art trade with more folks once I'm doing better, I currently only have one (and I'm working on that in the background but it's definitely taking longer than usual because of the situation. Sorry, and thank you for the patience! I promise it'll be super worth it!!) But as it stands I don't think opening more would be a good idea. I'm not backing down on that one though, I'm really excited to send it to it's owner once it's done :)

I'm not completely disappearing. But I haven't been doing well, and I need to take a step back and focus on coping/recovery for a little while. I'll still do my best to respond to DMs and work on that art trade/tag games/etc but I think it's best policy to let people know I'm slowing down. You can absolutely still tag/dm me - I will respond/do the thing. It just might take longer than usual and I don't want anyone to think it's them when it's 100% me right now.

This may only be a couple days, this may be a week, this may be until we move. I'm not sure. But thank you everyone for your understanding and patience. If you're reading this, and want to do something nice or supportive, feel free to send in an ask, shoot me a dm, or leave something in the comments. I'll be sure to check it all out in due time. :)

If you made it this far, thank you for letting me explain. If you see that I'm "active" I'm most likely on a side blog, dedicated to a specific method of coping, not active here. I'm not gonna @ it or say more, because I'm selective about it, but that's the only place I'll be actively posting for now.

I'll post a link to my Fictional Other List here so that newbies can check for doubles // see if I'm uncomfy sharing.

For now, please operate off this list because I'm going to have to revamp and overhaul my fictional other list.

Furina (Romantic) Non-sharing, Doubles please don't follow me! Liking / reblogging sometimes is okay, I'll block if it makes me uncomfy

Rosaria (Romantic) Non-sharing, Doubles please DNI, I'm kinda possessive over her.

Arataki Itto (Platontic) Sharing af, Let's talk about my "best bro" friend!!!

Moonlight cookie (Romantic) Sharing af, Please talk to me about her!!!

Pitaya Dragon Cookie (Romantic) Selective sharing, Please ask/lmk in advance! I've grown fond really quickly :)

Milky way cookie (Familial) Sharing, Idk something in me just says this is my child now so I guess I'm adopting them.

*still Bonnibel but she has her own blog if I wanna use it

^^^Moots, listen, if you're a double, you're still welcome here. I might even be up for talking and gushing together if you are. Just lmk okay? The rules don't apply to you the way they apply to others, because I feel more comfy just.. talking to y'all about it. Similarly if we've spoken before, but you're not a moot, you can always dm me to discuss! Or I can dm you if you'd prefer to send an ask!

These are my main F/O's at the moment. I'm not going to include known fictives from my system in the revamped system, I'll put them in the same post but seperate them on the list. Similarly, I'll add a section for characters I ship more so with an OC self insert vs just me to make differentiating easier!

[labetenwar]

Hey friends!

In case you don't know, I'll be attending Eurofurence this september.

I'll have a booth at the dealer's den there. Again I'm really excited and nervous at the same time. EF seems to be 100% different than what it was used to be, starting with a new location. It will takes place in Hamburg this year. Can you imagine my level of anxiety about all those changes?!

Please come visit me at my booth, I have many new creations to show you; new chapter of my comic and new small merch like button badges and stickers. I'll also paint watercolor commissions on demand. I'm really passionate about the painting process and I'll make sure to paint the best illustration for you <3.

Buying things from me is the biggest suport you can offer. I'm working hard all year long to make sure you'll find the cutest and funniest goods at my booth. Drawing is my fuel and it makes me feel so happy when people find my creations appealing. To be fair, your smiles at my unbearable puns is already a great reward <3

If you can't afford to support me by buying my creations don't be spooked to come and say "Hi" anyway. I'm always happy to learn to know new people and catch up with old friends.

I'll also have a panel at the Art Show, with limited prints and traditional art. If you need cute animals and vibrant colors to decorate your living room I have just the thing you need.

At the moment, I'm in the process of packing all my stuff to depart from my home soon. It's a real struggle to drag myself out of my confortable burrow, but I'm really looking forward to see you all there.

[metakazkz]

You didn't need to reach those 300/100 notes etc to begin with, Kaz. You don't need those to keep you motivated. If even breaks and rests don't give you back the motivation to continue, you might want to reflect on your values or what these comics truly mean to you. What these comics are for to begin with.

Did you do this because you want to be well-known or famous? Or did you do this because you're passionate about it? If it's the first one, then I'm sorry to say, but your motivation won't last long if you strive for popularity. Because popularity doesn't last long too.

If it's because you're trying to make it better than the old one [Abbystale], rather "perfect", then it doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be done and good enough (and by good enough, I mean "good quality" but at the same time making sure you don't work too hard on it, simply, there's a fine balance). You shouldn't restrain yourself from making mistakes just like the mistakes you think you did with the old Abbystale. There's always room for improvement. And to improve, you got to be open with the possibility of mistakes, and that's fine. Just learn from it.

I love Abbystale. It has played a part in my Undertale days until now, both the old and the new. But in the end, it's up to you to decide. It's okay if you discontinue Abbystale if it takes a huge toll on your mental health, and it's also okay if you continue if it makes you happier than anxious.

I'm gonna stop here before this gets too psychological but kendoshsuwbeiwjd please be okay. I turned this on anonymously because I don't want to be hated on. I didn't mean to offend you or anyone, and if I did, then do tell me. I'll take it. And I'm sorry.

But (last one I swear-), if it's also because you don't have the storyline you like and would share with the audience, take your time to plan it out.

If I said something wrong or false, let me know.

Thanks for the comment. I don't think what you write offended me but rather a good criticism.

Reaching the goal was just an idea to see if it can help motivate me. But I guess it didn't work much I was expected.

I draw my arts and comics out of passion but it looks more like a job even though I draw it for free. I don't care if I'm famous or not. But people claim I'm famous, but they don't listen to me when I say that the old Abysstale isn't canon for the new Abysstale and shouldn't be taken seriously. They may like the old version all they want. But they should not put false information and make false hopes that the old version will be back.

I have to kick myself to do something because I'm usually a person who gets things done and doesn't procrastinate every day. So I just have to take the time and not hitting the art block all the time and not force too much, otherwise it will effectively become a chore and burn the energy too quickly.

It is impossible to create a perfect comic. But I'm doing my best to improve it. Because drawing and comics are my hobby and my passion.

Thank you very much for the comment and I'm taking my time to need.

[dalkyeom]

📌— Weekly Chan ; SKZ break!

This announcement has been a long time coming but I wanted to come here and let you know that I’ll be stepping away from creating skz content for the foreseeable future.

Tbh I didn’t know how to tell everyone that I wouldn’t be drawing for them anymore. Maybe, because I found myself comfortable with the community I found myself in but my passion to create fanart for them dwindled over the past few months. I held on thinking this is a fluke, but I think it's time for me to explore other interests of mine. I wanted to stay but I found myself frustrated with feeling like I'm putting myself in a box. honestly, it was the lack of traction or how hard it was for my work to be seen that was a big factor in wanting to leave. I stand by the fact that feedback is vital for an artist's motivation to continue making the things they do. The lack of it made me question if it was even worth continuing to draw for skz bc while I love them a lot, not having my works reach a larger pool of Stays was pretty taxing. also the fact I was hidden in the basement did not help :(

Sadly, my love for Chan couldn't soothe the creative frustration I was in. So I guess it's just time to go, step outside for awhile, and explore new worlds.

As a staytist, I want to thank you for liking my art 🥺 and I hope they were able to give some comfort or healing. Most of them were made out of sheer love for the group bc for a long time Stray Kids were my home. They provided me happiness that I wanted to share too. I’ll never forget reading the nice tags and the nice asks you’ve sent my way! Thank you for welcoming me to the fandom even though I don’t interact as much.

So I want to say, please love your content creators. editors, writers, fanartists— the whole nine yards bc without them you can feel the lack of an integral part of the fandom experience. If their works make you happy and you want to see more from them: share their work, send them love and asks, comment, engage— anything that can help share their work around bc we spend so much time creating things out of love for free! Let them know you appreciate the work they’ve put into the things they love. The least we ask for is to share works we spent lots of time on.

Thank you for reading! I hope I can still see you around while I make art for other interests. Under the cut will be about Weekly Chan updates and a more in depth explanation/ goodbye letter/ final thoughts since the important stuff has been said.

Weekly Chan has 19 more portraits to go before I can say I’m officially finished with the project. So, I’ll be working on those on/off because more than anything, I want to see it done. Weekly Chan started as a normal dedicated fan project for Bang Chan (mainly out of Chanrot) that became a source of wanting to spread warmth to fellow stays much like how Chan does weekly through Chan’s Room.

I made a goal of 100 portraits by his birthday, and since I’m close to finishing it I’ll be seeing it through 💖 as a gift because Chan has done a lot for me, like an extra booster when I feel like I’m doing things alone. There is no definite end date since I'll take my time finishing it. He is, after all one of the stars I cherish the most.

Tbh aside from the whole art-related stuff. Around March, I think I was already finding myself detaching from skz. It was like a gradual loss of motivation to keep following them. I'm sure if you were a follower of my @/mocimori blog you've heard me cry over it a couple of times. Mainly it was a culmination of many things but the speed the community was going (lovestay > oddinary) and over saturation made me feel what I felt towards Genshin twt's fast paced consumption of new content.

getting tickets to their Maniac Tour was what broke the chiamel's back. I was tasked to secure tickets so my fam and my friend can watch the show with me, but I underestimated how stressful it was. No amount of preparation could prepare me for ticketing day. The fact that there was no membership pre-sale made it 10x more stressful it was as if we were on the hunger games as involuntary Katniss Everdeens at the quarter quell. It was that bad. I ended up sick from the preparation stress and the crushing weight of not being able to secure even 1 ticket. Eventually, I did manage to secure tickets when they open sales for Newark D1 but the exhaustion I felt stuck to me like tar.

I think I was just hoping to go back to the way it was. The ticketing left a bad taste in my mouth and omo, this is a fault of mine but messy fandom stuff will slip in my radar even though I try to keep my feed negative-free. Then I heard about how Staytists were being treated by fellow Stays (reposting of art w/out consent, rating fanart on tiktok — basically just disrespectful behavior) I had a hard time trying to reconnect afterwards.

Also this post is getting way too long so I shall tl;dr what was going on with my Chan ult'ing journey but eventually the sparks just faded out. It was probably a combination of so many things and the pressure of wanting to draw Chan on a weekly basis, sometimes 3-5x a week that it just… took its toll on me…

it came to a point where I would cry over Chan at random hours of the day. I missed him, I felt guilty bc suddenly he was no longer the center of my thoughts. I felt guilt bc I knew people knew me as that Chan fanartist. It was silly, how I let a kpop boy affect me this much but I held him with the highest regard. He was my star; out of all the biases I ult'd he had the most special position and was a symbol of hope. Having a hard time relate to him, feeling so detached made me feel bad. As if the security blanket was ripped away from my fingers.

sometimes, I still cry over him. It's no longer as bad as that time I cried over him for a week or two straight. I reflected a bit because yeah, it was a bit silly of me but when he was the source of all my hope when I felt like I had no one— even if it was that small of an interaction, I felt like what I'm feeling is valid. So, yeah, I just feel like it's ok for me to let go now. I think it was more of my fear of leaving behind a community that made me want to stick around. Other than the pressure, I just feel like throughout the last few months I lost what little creativity I had bc I wanted to follow trends, I had to box this outlet for the sake of accuracy and aaah idk it was just not healthy anymore.

i'll still support the Kids in my own way. At the end of the day, they're still my ults and I love the music they make. But I wanted to write this so you won't worry wth happened to me and the skz art. It's not really a goodbye but maybe, a see you soon!

thank you for everything!