#so i'm fascinated bc apparently i don't fucking age

[deanncastiel]

it's weird because appearance-wise, in the face Misha's Cas has changed so much? like when i compare even s4 cas with s8 he's different

no you're so right nonny!!! well, i mean you're right in that cas's appearance did change (imo kinda drastically) over the series, but that's not necessarily weird aha (but i get it, i also start things with "it's weird" even when it's not actually weird klsadjflksdf just how i talk) but that all said, yes! this is something that i've noticed too, and yeah it's clear as early as s8 with only 4 years difference

i find it fascinating actually and why i love watching shows that aired for years, especially if those years stemmed from when the actor was young to when they're older. like looking at both jensen and jared through the full 15 seasons of supernatural, it's insane, we literally watched them grow up. and it's apparent in both of them, but as a jackles girlie of course i'm gonna focus on him.

we all go on about the jender of young jensen and early seasons dean drives us fucking feral. i've always been of the mind that early seasons dean is great, he cute, but he really grows into his good looks and attractiveness in his 30s, ESPECIALLY starting in s8. and it's literally just aging, he grew into this!!! and imo he looks better now at 44 than he's EVER looked like that man phew

and misha in particular is really interesting in this regard bc he was 34 during s4, which, when compared to what i was just saying about jensen, makes him unique. bc it makes sense that jensen looks incredibly different from s1 compared to s8, but that was also from when he was 27 to when he was 35. but like i said, misha was 34! (and now that it's typed out i do realize that 35 is older than 34 lol, so it's not really unreasonable but i DIGRESS)

but you're so right, just the visual difference between s4 vs s8 case (and later seasons obvs), from 34 to 38 is very apparent. and that's not to say that i think it's a bad difference, i absolutely don't. much like jackles, i legit don't think misha has ever looked better

anyway nonny, you did not ask for this long ass answer, but also that's the risk you take when sending messages alksjdfl;skdjf

[mushroompollution]

((What kind of magic is there in the setting? Is it all done through Chains? How do they work?))

that's a great question! no really! I've been wondering that myself!

there is magic besides what's done through Chains and Contracts. but I'm going to get a little bit Pepe Silvia about that so let's start with the more straightforward question there: magnets Chains, how do they work?

I explained them a little bit here but lol (see tags).

when Chains manage to sneak into the real world, they can't stay very long before Abyss drags them back, unless they make a Contract with a human to tether them to this world. They usually claim to be able to change their Contractor's past if they can just consume enough humans in the process. Most of these Chains are "common" types with very limited powers and abilities.

Illegal Contracts are formed when a human drinks the blood of a Chain and says their name. Legal Contracts are formed by soaking a mirrored pendant called a Carcere in the Chain's blood, and are only permitted by members of the four duke houses or the organization Pandora. (Baskervilles have a little clause about Illegal Contracts not being Illegal for them, but that's a special case and currently not important really.)

Legal Contractors can use their Chains' lesser powers at a small cost to their own health and lifespan, but full on summoning their Chain to fight takes more of a toll on their bodies. some Legal Contractors' aging slows or stops entirely, and it can happen when the Contract is formed, or at any point after. Their lifepsans aren't extended though, and the wear and tear on their bodies becomes more exaggerated without aging.

Illegal Contractors have a seal called an Incuse that resembles a clock that appears on their chest when using their Chain or it's powers. Typically, the incuse disappears a few minutes later. Oz seems to be a special case though, his is always visible........ when the circle of the Incuse is completed, Illegal Contractors are dragged to the lowest level of Abyss along with their Chains.

now. as for other magic.

magic absolutely exists besides what's specific to Chains and the Abyss. the thing is, I genuinely do not have any idea what the extent of it is.

in chapter 3, Break uses a sealing spell to restrict Oz (and Alice) via a magic circle he'd apparently set up in advance. then it never fucking comes up again for like. 40 chapters.

until

magic besides Chains and the Abyss don't really get mentioned again until the last chapter of the arc I just summaried and the next one (above). suddenly, alchemists and sorcerers exist, and were apparently once trusted by whatever governing bodies oversaw the creation of the four duke houses. but were then phased out and forgotten about within just that 100 year period between the Tragedy of Sablier and the main Story.

and I say forgotten about bc. The Occult and Magic are spoken about as fantasy later, as Ada's fascination with them is played as a joke.

so as for what kind of magic exists??? no idea! magic circles and intense rituals do seem to exist, but canon never really goes into any depth about how MUCH. most likely, that knowledge is lost even within canon.

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

Chipped away a bit more at chapter 4 since I now have a device that doesn't crash half the time in multipart fights, and while I had to lie down (unfortunately I think Limbus (Bigsize) effects trigger my migraines 😔) I am absolutely fascinated by the implications so far.

Discussion of spoilers up to chapter 4-31 under the cut, along with more general story ramblings. Not super coherent, as a warning, just getting thoughts down.

So I've made myself marginally more cultured by looking into the source material for the Sinners whose references I'm wholly unfamiliar with—not deeply, unfortunately I find it really hard to focus on reading without meds, but like, basic summaries for some of the ideas behind the choices (which at least let me appreciate Ryōshū more, though I still don't particularly like her), and while that doesn't super help for our focus of the hour just because Yi Sang's source is super abstract in a way I am given to understand translates extremely poorly, it piques my interest for future sinners who previously mostly passed under my notice because they're relatively low-key (Mersault. It's Mersault.) or bc I was so utterly unfamiliar that I missed thematic implications from their source (Hong Lu, Yi Sang (kinda, a bit, again it's apparently incredibly hard to translate), Ryōshū, Sinclair).

...I'd joke that I at least knew Gregor and Heathcliff but its been so long I don't remember actual details from Wuthering Heights or Metamorphosis. (Okay, technically I know Faust and Donqui too, but they're cases of not actually being familiar with the source so much as the source being literary background radiation.)

Anyway.

I am just utterly fascinated by all the implications by Yi Sang being the creator of the mirrors, and also by the implication of a monochrome photograph with Yo Sang in it. (I am once again asking ProjMoon to tell me how old literally anyone is, though I can at least discount the narrator calling everyone children as indicative of age on account of that's probably Carmen.) I'm also wildly curious as to what the effect of being Fucking Stabbed by a golden bough is, I don't know if the scene with Dante after the stab was metaphorical or on some level literal and the nature of the Golden Boughs makes me reluctant to just go "yeah it's metaphor" since they themselves are on some level metaphor made physical.

I am extremely suspicious of the scientist guy, he's definitely planning something and I just cannot fucking tell what—I don't know if it's because I've missed something/am reading too much into it due to how slowly I've been taking this chapter or if it's just that the dude has vibes more rancid than StarscreamOutis (I will eat my nonexistent hat if she doesn't traitor Dante ok), it's very engaging and I'm enjoying it a great deal.

(I am curious about what the deal is with the woman who stabbed Yi Sang, but I'm certain we'll see more of her, given she has a portrait.)

[leonsdolly]

reblogging bc liz articulates it so well 🔊

it's also worth noting that you don't necessarily need to have trauma to enjoy or feel interested in these topics. there's a lot of shaming/guilt tripping going around which is so weird bc these kinks have BEEN a thing in all nsfw communities since the beginning of time! these topics are considered taboo which is what intrigues people and that's ok - humans have always been drawn to the forbidden! it's perfectly okay to explore these kinks in a fictional setting. no one is saying they want to do these things irl! stepcest/incest are popular in many nsfw communities and porn (lol) but that doesn't mean anyone wants to actually fuck their siblings!!! and for example, cnc/rape play is a very popular kink - it doesn't necessarily mean the person wants to actually be assaulted. there are a number of things that may fascinate them about it - the thrill, relinquishing control, etc. rather, they will usually have a healthy discussion with their partner about how to incorporate it in a way that's safe and enjoyable for both parties. this is how kinks are usually implemented irl!

it also feels like the majority of people i have seen complaining about ddne are underage? (i'm assuming so as a lot of times their ages aren't even visible on their blogs which is like the NUMBER ONE thing you should be doing if you are going to be engaging in mature content). this is exactly why minors shouldn't be interacting with, let alone commenting on the ways of nsfw content, whether here or anywhere else. these are extremely mature topics in an already established adult community. and for those who are adults crowing about the same things, everyone is responsible for curating their internet experience. just bc you don't like something doesn't mean you can police someone else from liking it in a space that THEY created for themselves. there are certain topics that i don't really like to read about, so i just continue scrolling. i don't need to pat myself on the back and have my mutuals congratulate me for calling those fics disgusting and denouncing anyone who even enjoys them a little bit as a dangerous freak. so many times i've seen people complain that they just read a fic with incest or something in it... why did you read it when you clearly saw the content bolded and highlighted at the beginning of the post with all the warnings in the world plastered for all to see? that is 100% on you for proceeding when you knew you weren't the target audience! that's not the writer's fault!

i also agree with liz that i see far more people complaining about ddne content than the ddne content in question itself! i'm always seeing discourse pop up in the tags and my fyp. i don't like seeing this as it's contributing to the mistreatment/harassment of writers. i don't think the anti ddne crowd quite understands the impact this discourse has on writers in general. it's revealed a lot about the RE community in particular - they have made it apparent that writers are to be taken for granted, dismissal of writing/fanfics in general (stating that anyone can do it and that someone's writing isn't worth anything), should only write what they deem to be appealing according to their standards, and that it's ok to harass/dehumanize them if they don't. i've seen the anon hate that my mutuals have received, and i've seen the multiple comments on posts like the one op posted. it's just disappointing and disheartening and discouraging. it's a shame that so many talented writers have to go through this when this is supposed to be their safe space. i've said it once, and i'll say it again - it takes an extremely thorough and capable understanding of a character to be able to successfully write dark content for them 🗣️

tw: inc*st

yall I'm so sorry but as a leon kennedy stan, the amount of incest fics on here is actually so fucking gross like WHAT. how are you writing about that. it's genuinely insane. like really?? 😭😭

not just ab him, but any character. he's just who I've seen it for. like that is so fucking crazy & gross. and so insensitive to anyone who's been through that??? like what.

[everysongineverykey]

Ace Attorney bc I think you'll have some cool opinions

THANK you i certainly have. opinions but i'm afraid they're all rather lukewarm lmao

otp: uhhhh. so this is no surprise to anyone but i am going to be basic and say narumitsu my beloveds💙💙💙 miles' speech at the end of jfa INVENTED romance. although if i had to pick another, franmaya is pretty damn cool. i usually only like to ship characters with canon chemistry but the concept....

favorite canon pairing: uhhh there aren't many canon pairings at all lol. BUT again i will be basic and declare my great fondness for desiree and ron delite💙 they make me go "aww, maybe some hets do deserve rights!"

worst pairing ever: i honestly haven't engaged with the fandom much yet, so i haven't seen much icky stuff firsthand, but the thought of "cykesquill" particularly makes me sick. they met when she was ELEVEN, you fucking weirdos. i'm also not a big fan of narumayo, since, y'know, it's just a weird age gap. oh, and apparently some people ship "mitsumei"? miles and franziska? yeah, get OUT of here with that shit.

guilty pleasure pairing: i don't know if i have one? i honestly don't think much about ships other than the aforementioned otps, lol. although, if you want a ship i've searched up a couple times out of curiosity and scrolled through the tag for out of amusement, blackbright comes to mind. i don't ship it really at all, but it fascinates me, what some people come up with!

a pairing you want to see more: if you mean see more of in fandom, i don't think there is one- i think the pairings i care about are pretty well provided for by the fandom!

that pairing everybody likes but you're like "lol no": honestly since i haven't really engaged with the fandom i don't think i have one of those right now lmao. although i think a lot of people ship lang and miles, which, i can see the appeal, but... eh. doesn't really do it for me where i am now.

favorite non-romantic pair: ooohhh there are so many... this is NOT a good question for a game with as much found family as ace attorney. let me think. the von karma siblings? our dear phoenix and maya? athena and simon? athena and APOLLO? TRUCY and apollo? trucy and phoenix?? there are SO many to choose from but these are a few that make me go brrr💙💙💙

[c0rpseductor]

really should not be reading this like extremely hateful detransitioner's idiot article bc the only emotion it's really inspiring in me is "i want to punch you over and over again in the face and body" but i cannot BELIEVE how simple and easy she's claiming it was to get testosterone at 18 and how affirming the staff at her school were. society if that was me! society if that was me! where do you fucking live where the school psych makes plans to help you fast-track your transition instead of the teachers in your classes openly calling one of your transfem friends slurs? we're about the same age so like what was different for this bitch. was it the aggressive middle classness? kinda jealous <3

also the way she talks about like "i went to the planned parenthood and i remember feeling so validated about being marginalized bc there were black and hispanic women there" like this is a fascinating thing to hear someone say, by which i mean of course i'm appalled. you thought it was unusual enough to be in the presence of poc that you had this (for the record astoundingly racist) thought and my takeaway is supposed to be "wow she was really deep in the SJW hole" and not "HOW IS IT THAT YOU HAD APPARENTLY NEVER MET ANYONE BUT OTHER WHITE PEOPLE???" i mean i know this sort of thing happens and i'm not saying the environment i grew up in was Perfect by contrast, but fuck's sake i would never go somewhere and think "WOW, BLACK PEOPLE, I DON'T NORMALLY SEE THEM!" i cannot imagine the kind of life you'd have to lead to not only think that but not even notice that that's the weird part of what you're saying. once again, not that the underlying "omg diversity points" mindset isn't tokenizing and gross, but what stood out to me was like...the idea that seeing people who are not white in the same waiting room as you would somehow be unusual. have you never been outdoors

[luminisvii]

RATING! ALL! THE CHAR CLONES!

i love char and gundam loves him too so because i am BORED i'm gonna rate all characters that the wiki tells me qualifies as a char clone!

many of these men will be rated on aesthetics and their wiki blurb alone since i have not watched all gundams

i tried to include pics but it SAID i can only use ten. WHAT? how am i supposed to rate how sexy they are?

Char Aznable

the man. the myth. the legend. i love him so much. hes super fucking hot bc of how bad he is. like an absolute madlad he goes around destroying the zabis and giving amuro hell. hes so good that despite being on team evil he regularly tops popularity polls and is widely regarded as being super attractive. im asexual but i agree. char is supreme. he and his red mobile suits cannot be topped. 20/10

Quattro Bajeena

now, char might be evil, but this guy is totally a stand up dude who is definitely not char. and the hyaku shiki? top tier. also very sexy. maybe char should take a lesson or two from this lovely man. 18/10 could not possibly be char himself

Glemy Toto

i have not watched ZZ. this dude upholds the tradition of stupid ass names in gundam. he just kinda look like hes a good person, though, which would be nice, but i prefer the evil men here. 6/10 love the idiotic name

Afranche Char

apparently a literal char clone. don't give a fuck. 1/10

Carozzo Ronah/Iron Mask

this guy really takes the mask thing seriously. i have also not watched F91. i love the just robot lookin mask and the purple color scheme. 8/10

Anavel Gato

this guy is kind of a chump. i get the feeling i'm supposed to find gato very cool, but all i could see was a total loser pushover as long as it was in the name of zeon. although to be fair, he was basically one of the most enjoyable characters in the mess that is stardust memory. 7/10 too much of a zeon apologist

Chronicle Asher

i called gato a chump but this guy looks like a tool. hes got the mask! i know nothing about victory gundam but this guy looks like, okay. 5/10

Schwarz Bruder

im ignoring the other guy listed with him on the wiki bc Herr Bruder is in fact, awesome. he isn't on team evil like some others, but he doesn't need to be. hes a JESTER NINJA. what's not to love? somehow, despite me thinking i knew the twist that was coming, he was still full of surprises. you cannot possibly predict the actual twist here. he really teaches domon how to get shit done. 15/10 absolutely sublime take on the trope

Zechs Marquise

not only is he voiced by takehito koyasu, but he chars so hard he chars three times as fast! we LOVE his dedication to being a char clone. i will never forget how treize challenged him to a fair fight and he was just like nah lmao. you go you stinky man! 10/10 for char-ing hard

Lancerow Dawell and Jamil Neate

i am fascinated by after war X and i'll watch it one day. it seems like the wiki is confused about these two and is going with very surface level details for these two being char clones. however i'll rate them both higher bc i think mr. neate's sideburns and glasses are just top tier character design. 9/10

Harry Ord

10/10

Rau le Creuset

i think i saw him in the like three episodes of SEED i watched. he definitely looks the part. seems kinda lame though. 6/10

Athrun Zala

this kid is hilarious, and also the most likable character i met in SEED, and he even has a quattro phase as he goes by alex dino! we'll give him points for effort. 9/10 you tried

Neo Roanoke

definitely not mu la flaga. hes also voiced by takehito koyasu. his mask looks kinda dumb, but i think the long hair look upgrades my man mu. takehito koyasu makes everything sexier. 8/10 bc i also simp for dio brando

Rey Za Burrel

how many char clones does the SEEDverse have? i do appreciate rey's early 2000s brooding anime boy look, though. 5/10

Gilbert Durandal

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SEED CHARS!!! this guy doesn't even look like a char clone, but he has the same voice actor and also apparently tries to drop shit on earth. we stan a king, honestly. 6/10 being in SEED deducts points

Hal Vizardt and Vladi Zarth

the wiki wont even give me a picture of these guys. 2/10 they get a point each

Ali Al-Saachez

i hate this guy. he sucks. normally i would find such endless villainy entertaining, but ali simply cannot work it in a way that's fun to watch or even in a way where you're like 'he's got a point.' he just sucks and i wish he could have been funny. we already have a char clone in graham anyway, so why are you here? bitch. 0/10 i was waiting for him to die

Graham Aker

he has all the tropes of being a char clone, and i loved him at first bc of his flair for drama and poetry, but alas! he got more and more sidelined for a different motherfucker. it's okay graham, i still love you! your mr. bushido phase was hilarious! 9/10 you deserved so much more

Full Frontal

hes getting points for the hilarious name but thats it. he is otherwise very boring. you cannot make me love a man just bc he is a literal char clone. 3/10

Zeheart Galette

AGE is also on my "deeply fascinated" list. eventually, eventually. i kinda dig this one's look. 7/10

Tatsuya Yuuki

initially, i hated yuuki bc i thought he was beating on middle schoolers for fun, but then i learned the dude is so goddamn passionate about gundam that he HAS to share it with others and honestly? king shit. while he's technically a char clone, i think he's actually a graham aker clone. the dude stans 00. an admirable position to be in. i love yuuki so much and hes my favorite build fighters character. 15/10 i will always respect the meijin

Captain Mask

the name is hilarious. hes got a cool mask too. i'll maybe watch recon one day bc of how ridiculous the reputation is. 8/10

Lady Kawaguchi

the rare female one, and proves that the kawaguchi name requires you to be extra as fuck. compared to yuuki's raw passion, she's cool and knows it, and doesn't need to flex. sadly doesn't get to do a lot. 10/10

McGillis Fareed

MCGILLIS MY BELOVED!!!! perhaps the only char clone that matters. this dude brings back the classic level of backstabbing, the supreme attractiveness, and in general, being an awful person. but i can't help but feel for the guy. he was trying his goddamn hardest to overturn a fucked up system. he also simply could not fathom having friends. mcgillis might only do the mask thing for a little and also wears a wig (McWiggis) but i forgive him, because the moves he does in bael are truly sexy. i adore mcgillis i have to rate him high but he cannot overtake the classic. 19/10 would let him betray me

Kyoya Kujo

even the wiki doesn't seem confident in this one. i like his look though. hes kinda got some gentle eyes, so i will assume he's the more quattro flavor of things. 6/10

Masaki Shido

BRUHHHH HE LOOKS LIKE A KNIGHT. 10/10

Honorable Mentions:

Master Asia

i didn't think he truly qualified as a char clone. he hits the villain thing and technically has some ideals aligned with char ? but he's a little too different. lacks majority of the archetype tropes. i still love him though 9/10

Vidar

hes got a mask and wants revenge. definitely not gaelio. the problem is, we already have mcgillis in IBO. i just don't register gaelio as being a char clone, because mcgillis is out here being the worst. gaelio is a wonderful character in his own right for all the opposite reasons that mcgillis is fantastic for being the worst. 10/10 i want nothing but the best for him

Ulube Ishikawa

just bc he has a mask covering half his face and is evil doesn't mean he's a char clone, wiki! and how dare you take away from schwarz just to be like "well ulube has a mask" WE HAVE ONE ALREADY!!! i also hate ulube. he is not a particularly charismatic character, but he isn't supposed to be. 2/10

and thus is my arbitrary ranking of the char clones. some people think char clones are bad. i for one, love them! i hope future entries have more masked men.

[kohakhearts]

hello I'm here for more ☕ can I hear about your oldest oc(s) vs the newest? I don't have anything in particular in mind just go off bro

send me a ☕️ + a topic and i'll give you my opinion on it!

ahsjdfhj sure! there is Plenty to unpack here and tbh it's more self-reflection than opinon but i guess those are?? kinda the same thing? lol. anyway! lets compare some kids. i'm putting this under a cut bc i got musing so hard it got really long jfkjgk

so my oldest ocs are the lm crew, but the osa cast isn't too far behind them. mai and nerissa are very, very similar characters, though! they both have death motifs which is a little morbid for a 13/14 year old but hey. i was edgy. i can own that. but they're also similar in that they're very magically powerful. they both become some form of "god." and they both become symbols of life and death. both of them, actually, are narratively meant to subvert the trope of dark = bad/evil, because they might feel like they're ~evil~ but they're just teenage girls. and both of them are experiencing grief and trauma. everything that happens to them happens because the world is against them, or at least feels like it is. i think...i don't need to explain why this is an obvious outlet for me at the age i made them. i was pretty fucking repressed and i don't think i even realized the extent of that until i moved away. interestingly, though, they do both have this heavy...death thing. i was really fascinated with death apparently. just call me emily dickinson lmfao (but really - probably a pretty similar situation there! the general Thought is that, you know, she experienced a close loss really young and it gave her a lifelong fixation on death. i don't think that's a bad thing? it seems normal and healthy honestly. losing people is traumatic. personally i've been a regular funeral attendee since i was, like, 5 LOL. i think that's where a lot of these themes in my writing stem from? within one year alone i knew i think 5 people close to me in the sense of like i saw them often (family, neighbours, friends, classmates). only 2 of them were "natural" deaths. but i was 16/17 then; when i was 13/14, i'd just lost my grandfather and some other grandparents, great aunts/uncles. but still been to a whole lot of funerals lmao).

the other thing that mai and nerissa have in common is that they're really...closed off. when things get hard for them, they shut people out. and they both have moments where they start believing that they can either choose to live and let the world fall to ruin, or they can choose to die and save it. in both cases, they don't die (all the way, at least). there's one striking difference here, though, and it's that mai chooses not to die and so lives, whereas nerissa chooses to die and lives against her will. however, they both face the internal conflict of thinking that maybe them dying would be for the best, and, if nothing else, it would absolve them of their guilt surrounding certain deaths (elle for mai, adrienne for nerissa). they both are yearning for someone who's passed on, and they lose touch with reality because of it.

so, with that last point in mind, let's look at eveleen, who i made when i was 18 - so solidly 5 years after mai. she starts out a first year university student who has just tragically lost her parents, whom she was really close to and loved dearly. she's extremely depressed, but she keeps having dreams about this calm, nice garden. and it tempts her. lilith is behind these dreams obviously, and essentially is trying to tempt her into eating the fruit in the garden of eden so she'll be stuck there forever. eventually, eveleen does do that, and lilith possesses her body in order to get revenge. so already there's this commonality between my three protagonists here, which is that they're out of touch with reality, right? but where mai is very cold and closed off and nerissa is very cruel and angry, eveleen is just really sad and empty. i think what all three of them go through in a sense is a desire not to die but to stop living, because life's been not so nice to them. for nerissa and mai, it's a lot about "deserving," whereas for eveleen she's just really tired and feels like she can't keep up anymore. it's kind of weird to me, actually, because as an older teen and adult i've suffered from Chronic Feelings Of Intense Guilt LMAO but i don't know if that was really present when i was younger...and yet it's a feature of characters like mai and nerissa, not eveleen or ava or nisa.

ava and nisa are, like eveleen, really quite quiet and reserved. nisa literally has no voice. she can't speak. her whole arc is learning to be bold and brave and to communicate with her hands and make people listen to her. ava suffers from amnesia, and so she goes from not even having a name to being gifted one by artemis and finding out who ava is, not who she was - and even when she finds the "was," she decides she prefers the is, and wants to stay as ava. eveleen falls into lethargy and gets possessed. first she's used by adam, and then by lilith - but her entire arc is her wanting to reach out to lilith, to save her from herself and give her kindness where adam hurt her so horribly. all three of them have in common that they're really kind, charitable people who've been through some pretty horrific things - and more than anything, they just want to save people from suffering. they can't bear to see it. contrasted to mai and nerissa, who both wind up hurting people because they can't cope with the things that have happened to them and need to learn to be better, essentially...that's actually a pretty huge difference. the greater themes of grief and death and loss and love and family and especially identity are all still there, but it's through a very different lens.

i think this is probably the biggest difference here, and i do think it's something that comes from how i've grown up and how my worldview has changed. i look back on my teenage self pretty sadly these days. i don't think i "lost" anything, per se, but i think i was in a really tough spot for a really long time and my support system was exceptionally bad. it could've been a lot worse, and i'm grateful it wasn't, but that doesn't mean it was good, either. when i was 13/14, though...i was definitely angry at the world. it felt like everyone was against me, and i had one goal that was pushing me through everything. my rage drove me. in my best moments, i thought i wanted to see the day things got better and i was successful because it would prove that i didn't need anybody, and that even if the world was out for me then it didn't work. but i did need people, and i needed them badly. which is, i think, my mai's and nerissa's interpersonal relationships are so focussed on family, and their romances are both really centred on this like...unwavering sense of loyalty to the only person (sans poseidon, in nerissa's case) they feel can possibly understand them. lance and ada both find mai and nerissa at their lowest, in a sense; lance is the one who's saying if you really have to die, then i'm dying with you because i don't want to live in a world without you, while ada sits and listens as nerissa progressively opens up more and more about all the guilt and grief that's been eating at her for so long, that drove her to do the thing she did in the first place.

then...compared to eveleen and lilith, it feels a bit like a 180 in some senses? lilith is motivated by revenge. she wants to hurt adam at least as much as he hurt her, but eveleen is telling her that it won't heal the wound. she shows her kindness instead. and for ava...she's an amnesiac who's been horribly attacked and left for dead, and artemis finds her and gives her a name and takes her in. she's vague and mysterious, and ava wants to know about her. again, it's a subversion - the love interest is the closed off one, and the protagonist is the one who's gently urging her to open up. nisa doesn't have a love interest, but she has a similar sort of dynamic with aisling.

so i think, essentially, it really comes down to the fact that i went from being angry at my circumstances and life in general to really accepting of it. i know it's a real Hot Take, but i am grateful for all the shitty stuff i went through, because now i know, right? i mean - i know, if i have ever a student who's anything like i was, then...i've done everything in my power to immortalize those feelings as i experienced them. i never want to forget what it was like to be an angsty teen, because i never want to be anything but the sort of adult i needed at that age. and especially as i continue to grow away from my childhood, i see more and more that these feelings of guilt i've struggled with so much largely stem from a life of being blamed for the fact that my parents' lives sucked and things like that, and now that i see it, even if i don't always believe it, i have the ability to say "but that wasn't my fault," and so my newer characters might still grapple with guilt, but it's not as significant as "it's my fault my sister/mother/etc. died" LOL.

but in saying all this - there's one really, really big similarity between all of them. all of these characters have things happen to them. they don't like their circumstances. they don't want to be where they are. they suffered, and they didn't ask for it, and the biggest sort of grief they're experiencing is actually a sort of grief for the self, wherein they're thinking of the things they were robbed of by the actions of other people - things that happened when they were children, or things stolen from them by others' premature deaths, or gifts of godhood when they never wanted to be anything but mortal. the only difference here is that mai and nerissa are both "born special" in some way. eveleen, ava, and nisa are, essentially, just normal people. they're not magical. nisa has a bit of a "chosen one" thing going on too, but she doesn't become a god; she just gets used by people like saoirse and aisling because she might lead them to the real god. i think i've spent most of my life feeling in some way "out of control," and that's where this comes from. again, like - i think of my younger self, and i think i really do experience a large sense of mourning for them. i see a kid who was really alone, whose family wasn't much of a family at all, and who ultimately suffered for it. now especially, i look farther back then my preteen and early teen years, and i see a lot of things that just...were far, far out of my control that i felt like i had to fix. i don't really know why my sister and brother had the good sense to keep to themselves and i didn't, but i do think that there's probably a link between me as a youngest child, left by my sole role model and protector around age 8, and suddenly feeling like it was somehow my duty to put our family back together. because, i guess, in some convoluted way, i'd been made to feel like it was my fault in the first place? hard to say. it might a real chicken-egg scenario LMAO. either way, i think that's where a lot of that comes from. it's something that sticks out in a lot of my favourite characters too, this whole "i never wanted to be THIS" or "i didn't ask to be a hero or whatever, i just wanted a family." in a lot of ways, i'd actually say characters like eveleen, ava, and nisa are a lot more hopeless than ones like mai and nerissa. where mai and nerissa start out angry about their circumstances, and have to learn to accept them in order to act now to fix things, eveleen, ava, and nisa start out already having accepted their situations - accepted them as horrific and unchangeable, but then their development winds up being a journey of accepting that, yes, the things that happened to them can't be changed, but they can live beyond those things and they aren't defined by their suffering, and it gives them this ability characters like mai and nerissa don't have, which is to see that same sort of suffering in other people. they help others through trauma more than others help them, in a sense? but it's the act of helping others that really allows them to heal. which...definitely says something about me, i'd say!

anyway! this was fun to think about idk if i really said anything interesting here kldfgjkfl but thanks for the ask owo!!! <3<3<3