#so i’m like yeah cut and dyed it to keep up with my dads care haha

[lilgynt]

i want to blow up my coworkers BRAIN

[jksprincess10]

His hand so calloused from his pistol softly traces hearts on my face || Joel Miller x reader

Summary: Tommy hires a new ranch hand behind Joel's back and he's not happy about it.

CW: jackson era, rancher!joel and helper!reader, mean!joel, perv!joel, unhinged and bold!reader, lots of banter, mentions of parent death, alcohol, masturbation, smut, dry humping, unprotected p in v, fingering, daddy kink, degradation kink, lots of pet names (baby, etc.), big cock joel miller, lots of dirty talk, some fluff and feelings, no y/n, multiple POVs. (2.8k words)

A/N: Special thanks to @fhatbhabiee for proofreading, @notjustjavierpena for the beautiful banner, @saradika-graphics for the dividers.

“The hell is this?!” Joel’s fists are closed against his hips, his head cocked to the side as he looks at what Tommy has brought into his home, another lost sheep.

“This is your new helper.” His younger brother gestures towards you and you look at the older man, an eyebrow raised in defiance. It wasn’t the warm welcome you had expected. “Maria’s about to pop out any day now, so I hired someone to take my place in the ranch.”

“You think a lil’ girl can help me?” Joel looks down at you, his steel gaze analyzing your reaction. But Tommy cuts you off before you can say anything.

“Don’t be a sexist ol’ prick. She has experience and took care of animals in her previous community.”

“And I’m not a little girl.” You add, detaching every syllable. “Shall we try that again? You must be Joel.” You tell him your name, and he takes your extended hand in his calloused palm, squeezing it stronger than necessary.

“Nice to meet you.” He grumbles.

“So, where’s my room?”

“Your… room?” Joel asks, his murderous gaze pinning Tommy down.

“Listen, she just got here. It’s temporary. Give ‘er a room, feed her and she’ll work for you for free.”

“I sure fuckin’ hope so.” Joel mutters.

How dare he bring this pretty young woman into his home without asking him before? The worst part is, you’re hard working. Every day, you get up at the crack of dawn to feed the cows and the sheep. You’re stronger than you look. And sometimes, you cook for him too, and he hates admitting that you’re good. You’re too fucking young, too fucking good looking and he shouldn’t be looking at you like that. He shouldn’t be fucking his fist every night since you arrived with your name dying on his chapped lips.

Joel joins you in the barn to see if you’re working well. You are, of course, milking one of the cows; your knees in the mud, pulling on the cow’s udders.

“When you’re done, put the milk into glass bottles and bring ‘em inside… We can trade ‘em.” Joel orders, then clears his throat. “D’ya… need anythin’?”

When Joel doesn’t bark out orders, he’s silent. It’s the first time in a week he’s shown any care for your well-being.

“Hm… clothes for the cold months coming would be nice.” You finish milking the cow and get up. You look at your ruined pants and sigh. “Yeah… clothes would be nice.”

“Sure thing, kiddo.”

You cringe at the nickname. “Thanks, Joel. But stop calling me that.” You can’t look at him, and you simply pet the giant, but soft beast who moos in response. You chuckle and turn to Joel. You pretend for his sake that you don’t hear him on the other side of the wall every night, wet noises mixed with heavy pants. You pretend you don’t do the same. “I’m closer to 30 than to 20.” You watch as he swallows heavily.

Still, 26 years is a big age gap, and Joel curses in his head as he hears you confirm your age.

“Right, but I’m 56. You’re jus’ a kid to me. I could be your dad.”

“I’m a woman. Treat me like one.” You respond firmly. He sees how worked up that gets you, how your body is facing him with your fists tight like you’re keeping yourself from hitting him.

Joel sighs and stays silent for too long, leaving with a last glance at you and another order. “Be ready in 10. We’re goin’ downtown to get you clothes. Be late, and I’ll go without ya.”

You’re fuming, and you want to curse the man’s ancestors, but you stay silent, obedient. You pack the milk harvest of the day: 3 good bottles, that would only need to be filtered before consumption. You go into your room to put on your only clean pair of jeans, and join Joel at the front, where he’s stoically waiting, big, stupid strong arms crossed against his chest, the sleeves of his flannel pulling against his muscles. You stomp to him with a box of milk in hands, and he chuckles, the asshole chuckles –

“Listen, asshole – ” You push the box into his arms, and he takes it effortlessly, an amused grin on his face. “I don’t know if you’re just sexually constipated or what, if so, please for the love of God, get fucking laid, but you don’t have to be mean to me all the time. Just because I’m young or because you don’t want me here or…. You know what? I had a dad, he’s fucking dead. You’re not my father, move on. Treat me like a fucking person.”

One of his eyebrows lift, and he looks at you for a few seconds, before asking: “You done?”

“No. Tell me you’ll stop being an ass or I’ll go find someone more annoying than me to replace me.”

“Fine. I’ll treat you like a woman and a person.”

“Thank you for the bare fucking minimum. Let’s go, cowboy.” You say between your teeth.

Your walk from the ranch to downtown Jackson calms you down. Everyone else is too nice for you to stay mad.

“S’here.” He points at the storefront with a sign that reads clothing and repair services. You go in with him, a soft bell announcing new guests. There are a few racks with seasonal clothing, a few different sections clearly identified: for children, women and men. Joel brings the milk up to the counter and the owner gives him five coupons in exchange.

“You can get five things.” Joel tells you as he hands you the coupons.

“But…. Don’t you need anything?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Okay…”

You look around while Joel waits at the counter. You find two sweaters your size, two pairs of pants and some underwear (that were on “sale” for 3 for 1 coupon). You give your coupons to the owner, she counts your items and tells you that you’re good to go.

Weeks pass, where Joel really tries to be nicer to you after your little meltdown. He doesn’t call you kiddo anymore – thank God – but you sometimes feel his gaze linger. You both try to stay away from each other – why would you fuck your new boss - because truth is, you find him very attractive despite his ill manners. But seeing Joel every day in the most domestic of settings lights something inside of you – a profound want and… affection.

In some rare occurrences, you have fun together. There are a few people in your backyard – Tommy, some townies you met through Joel, Ellie, Joel’s adoptive daughter who had moved away with her girlfriend. You’re settled around a bonfire to shield your bodies from the cold. Joel has a guitar on his lap, and his face has a pleasant glow from the beers you shared. You’re sitting between him and Tommy.

“Hope the old man’s treating you well.” Tommy jokes, a dig at his older brother.

“Surprisingly well. Well, after he stop treating me like a fucking kid.” You snort.

“Yeah, he tends to do that.” Ellie concedes.

“Stop talkin’ about me like I ain’t here.” Joel grumbles.

“You just had to be nicer.” You grimace.

“Had to see if you were a good worker ‘fore.”

“Am I?”

Your shoulders brush, and you smile innocently at him.

“Guess so.”

That’s the closest thing from a compliment you’d get.  You call it a night shortly after, but everyone seems determined to spend the night outside.

You wake up in the middle of the night to a door closing, so you decide to get up for a glass of water. You pad silently on the cold wooden floor, only wearing your panties and an oversized long-sleeved shirt. You almost jump out of your skin when you see Joel sat on his favorite chair in the living room, knees spread like he owned the world. He had a half empty beer in hand.

“Didn’t mean to wake you up, sweetheart.” His voice is rough. He looks up at you, eyes tracing your curves through your shirt, focusing on your bare legs, on your nipples peaking through your shirt. You self-consciously wrapped your arms around your torso.

“S’okay…” You go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. You could still feel Joel’s gaze on you, since the house was open-floored.  “Hm, Joel?”  You suddenly felt bold, maybe it was the remaining alcohol in your system.

“Yeah?”

“Why do you masturbate every night when I’m right here?” You sip on your water as you walk back calmly to where Joel sat. “Why don’t you fuck me, huh?”

Joel’s face burns with shame, and you smile when you realize you were right.

“You’re way too young and pretty for me, darlin’.” He leaves his bottle on the table next to him, and he pinches the bridge with a long sigh. “And you’re workin’ for me.”

“Let me be clear, Joel.” Your glass joins his bottle, and you lean towards him, your legs between his, your arms around his neck. “I like you. I want you. Please. Let me have you.”

Joel’s breath comes out shaky, and his rough hands grab onto your shirt. “Tried so hard to make you hate me, so this wouldn’t happen.”

“You succeeded for a while.” You smile sweetly, your fingers treading in the curls on the back of his neck.  “You’re very hot, Mr. Miller. I won’t beg again.” Your breath fans his dry lips.

“Okay. Okay.” Joel pulls you down even more, and you’re almost falling on his lap as his lips crash on yours. It’s hungry and angry, desperate. He’s angry at himself, you know it, but you don’t want his shame. The older man tastes like beer and smells like fire. Your teeth pull on his bottom lip.

“I do the same thing, Joel. I fuck my fingers every night while I imagine yours.” You whisper against his lips after a chaste kiss to his swollen bottom lip.

Joel groans and drags you down. You sit comfortably on his lap, feeling the rough tent in his jeans.

“Le’me see you.” He sounds more confident now as he pulls on your hem and lift your shirt over your head. You like his heavy gaze on your breasts, his calloused fingers pulling on your nipples to make them harder. You sigh happily and thrust your hips against his hard cock. He feels so big, but you’re confident you could take all of him.

“Y’wanna rut against my cock like a bitch in heat, huh? Go ahead, sweet girl. Make yourself wet for daddy.”

You didn’t think Joel had such a dirty mouth on him, but you obey. You rub your wet panties against the large bump in his jeans. The rough texture of the used fabric pleases you, but you need more. You clumsily remove your panties and abandon them on the floor. Joel, in a trance, admires your pussy. His fingers barely touch you, and you’re already panting.

“S’all fo’ me, huh? D’you need help?”

You nod enthusiastically.

“Words, baby.” He pressed, his free hand holding your chin up.

“Touch me, daddy. Please.”

“Suddenly so polite and sweet.”  Two of Joel’s fingers circle your clit as you keep desperately moving your heat against his jeans, your mouth falling open in a silent moan. Pleasure builds rapidly in your core, and you’re thrusting your hips even harder, until you come in a moan.

“That’s it, that’s it.” He soothes. “C’me here.” He holds you in his arms strengthened by years of manual labor and lifts you up as he gets up. You wrap your legs around him. “M’not done with you, but I want you to be comfortable.”

He brings you to his bedroom, which you had never seen fully. Only glimpses here and there. Somehow, it felt more intimate. He drops your body on his large bed.

“How are you still wearing clothes?” You complain, and he chuckles.

“So eager, aren’t ya?��� Joel starts undressing, still on his feet by the bed. He only leaves his boxers on, and you try to see him in the dark. You decide to rely on your touch instead, when he takes the spot between your legs. Your fingers trace his strong back, finding scars here and there. You kiss him, softly this time.

“Need to get you ready fo’ me,”

“Yes, please.”

His calloused hands spread your legs more, before he inserts one of his thick fingers in. You tighten around him, it already feels like he’s stretching you out.

“Relax baby.”

You breathe, in and out, slowly relaxing your walls at the same time.

“That’s it, le’me in.” He thrusts it in and out a few times, before adding another finger. He uses his thumb to caress your clit, soothing the pain through another wave of pleasure.

“F-Fuck, Joel. That’s so much.”

“I know baby, you’re doin’ so well. Jus’ let go.”

He fucks you hard and fast with his fingers, pressing on your swollen clit with his thumb. You’re moaning and thrashing through your second orgasm of the night, and Joel’s looking at you intently, his free hand caressing the lump in his boxers.

“Need to fuck ya now. Can you take it?” His fingers leave you empty, and he soothes you with a kiss on your forehead.

“Yes. Give it to me, please.”

He pulls down his boxers and throws them away. You watch in awe as his girth jumps out. He holds the base and swirls the fat head against your wetness, making you jump a little, still sensitive.

“So wet fo’ me.”

He aligns the head of his cock with your hole and pushes in slowly. You let out a breath after the big tip has breached your entrance.

“That’s only the tip. More?”

You nod your head a few times. “I want everything.”  You’re so scared this will be the only time you can have him like this, bare and desperate.

He thrusts in, feeding you his cock as slow as he can bear. You hold on to him.

“You’re so big, Joel.” You whine.

“I know baby I know.” Joel kisses you lazily and sensually, stopping his movements when his hips are flush with yours. He waits until you move on your own, and he thrusts in and out with your help, still slow and careful. Your eyes roll in the back of your head, you had never felt better in your life.

“Faster.”

He listens, snapping his hips faster and harsher, but he can’t seem to be able to fuck you as hard as he wants in this angle. He suddenly leaves you empty and grabs your hips to turn you around, your ass in the air.

He thrusts in before you’re even ready, and the angle is perfect.  He fucks you hard and fast, the sound of his hips snapping against your ass and your pants fill his bedroom. The line between pleasure and pain is so thin, but you love the way he lets himself go. His big balls hit your clit a few times, and you’re crying of pleasure. You hold on to his silky sheets and to the solid, wooden headboard as he pounds into you.

“Gimme ‘nother one, c’mon.” He urges you through gritted teeth. “Come on my cock.”

He slows down to catch his breath, fucking you deep and hard, and one of his hand sneaks to the front of your body, teasing your tits with expert hands. Your pleasure builds in your tummy, before the pressure releases, and you come hard around his cock.

“Atta girl.” He praises, breath heavy. You feel him move away, and you turn around just in time to see him pumping his cock a few times, until he comes in any piece of fabric he can find – which ends up being his boxers.

You lay down on his bed, all members spread as you catch your breath with a dumb smile on your lips. You couldn’t believe you were just fucked by Joel Miller.

“I never came so much in my life, God.” You whisper in amazement, a hand against your sweaty forehead.

Joel chuckles and you hear his steps moving away from the room, but he isn’t gone for too long. He comes back with a warm, wet cloth, which he uses to soothe your swollen pussy, and clean himself up. He climbs into bed with you, and you hope he doesn’t ask you to go back to your room. Ever.

You’re both laying on your side, facing each other. Joel lifts the blanket over you and lays his palm against your warm cheek.

“M’glad Tommy hired you behind my back.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Stay. I like you.”  He adds after clearing his throat. You smile and bring his palm to your lips to kiss it.

“I like you too. I won’t leave, if you want me to stay.” You assure him.

“Good.” He says as he closes his eyes.  “Sleep, you’re workin’ early tomorrow.”

“You’re the worst.” You mumble as he chuckles weakly.

[aceissomunster]

Clearing up misconceptions and such about Tim Drake for all you non-comic reading fic-writers and people that just don’t know. Mostly chronologically

Under the cut, cause this is gonna get long ,,

While Tim isn’t my favorite batfamily member, or even robin in particular, he is the one whose comics i’ve read the most of and know the most about.

If i’m wrong about any of this, please let me know!

- Tim’s parents weren’t especially abusive. they were neglectful, as in leaving him with the nannies and sending him off to boarding schools when they were out of the country, which was frequently. also, they did love him. i don’t even know where people got the idea that they didn’t.

- Tim did not stalk the bats, until he noticed Batman’s grief-driven violence and decided to follow, photograph, and gather evidence

- he also didn’t just go up to Bruce and ask to be Robin, he actually tracked down Dick Grayson to the circus and tried to convince him to come back to being Robin. Dick drove him to the manor, and then found out Tim’s whole story.

then Alfred let him down into the cave, Batman and Nightwing got captured by Two-Face, and Alfred practically threw the Robin costume at him and they went to save Batman and Nightwing. THEN Tim told Bruce that he was Robin. (— A Lonely Place of Dying, Tim’s 13)

- Before even becoming Robin fully, Tim’s parents were kidnapped and held for ransom in Haiti by a man called the “Obeah Man” (“Obeah” translates roughly to black magic, I’m pretty sure). Batman finds them by following the people that were going to pay the ransom, and they were being kept in some underground place? I’m not sure, but it was really really hot. There’s a pitcher of water, and Janet drinks it, and Jack starts drinking it, and Janet dies near-instantly, and Batman smacks the water out of Jack’s hands but Jack still ends up completely paralyzed and put into a coma. (— Rite of Passage)

- Fun fact: Janet’s funeral was Christmas eve

- it’s only after his mother’s death and father’s hospitalization that he goes to Paris (keep in mind, Batman did not force him to go, Tim wanted to!) to train under Rahul Lama, and then with Lady Shiva. (Robin mini 1)

- he doesn’t actually get trained by Shiva in the run, but it’s vaguely implied

- Fun fact: Tim actually kills Lady Shiva once (i forget what the storyline’s called, but it’s somewhere in Robin 52-55 ish)

- OH YEAH, Jason Todd was NOT Tim’s Robin. Tim Drake has been Dick Grayson’s #1 fanboy since the circus. He could not care less about Jason

- Fun fact: early in his Robin career, he hallucinated Dick and Jason as Robin (even though Dick was very alive) giving him advice

- He had friends outside of YJ. Like his best friend Sebastian Ives, his friend Callie, his (ex) girlfriend Ariana Dzerchenko, and a good bit more.

- he started dating Steph as Robin while dating Ariana as Tim, but Ari and Tim broke up like the day after Steph and Tim got together (not because of Steph, Ari didn’t know Tim was Robin, but because of other stuff that happened. go read Robin.)

- fun fact: Tim actually didn’t have contingency plans for Young Justice/the Titans, because he actually trusts them, unlike his mentor. (this is mentioned sometime in Young Justice 1998, but I don’t remember the issue)

- Tim’s 16 (not 14 or whatever THOSE tim stans try to say) and on the Teen Titans, when the fabled and constantly over-exaggerated “Titan’s Tower incident” occurs. Tim is fully suited up in the Robin suit, he puts up a good fight with Jason (who is in an adult-sized Robin costume, by the way) until he gets knocked out. This fight leaves no lasting injuries on Tim. (Teen Titans (2003) #29)

- the whole Jason slitting his throat thing happens in a different comic. (Batman: Hush, i’m pretty sure, correct me if i’m wrong)

- Tim also kicks Jason in the nuts the next time he sees him, so there’s not really any hard feelings there.

- Tim’s dad finds out he’s Robin and makes him quit, and Steph becomes Robin. Then Steph dies and Tim’s school gets shot up and he becomes Robin again.

- Tim leaves Jack alone at their home to go find the man sent to kill him. While he’s gone, the man (Captain Boomerang) kills Jack. (— Identity Crisis #5)

- after Jack dies, Bruce offers to adopt Tim and Tim turns him down and creates a fake uncle. Batman finds out the uncle is fake, commends him on his good job of making a fake uncle, and helps him make it better. Bruce later offers again to adopt Tim and he accepts. Damian literally shows up like the very issue after this in Batman

- Kon dies, then Bart dies a bit after. And, not to hate on yall TimKon shippers out there, but he also planned to clone Bart, and also in TT03 like 50-53ish, when him and the other Titans run into their future evil selves again, their Superman (Kon) and Flash (Bart) are clones.

- All those deaths happen relatively close together and in that order, I think, when Tim’s 16-17. But comic timelines are weird, like how Tim was 15 when the Quake hit and for the year-long duration of No Man’s Land (from New Year’s to New Year’s), he stays 15.

- When Bruce “dies” and Dick (Batman) makes Damian Robin. Damian needs guidance, and Dick wants him and Tim to be equals. Dick had good intentions and did the right thing! He just didn’t have the best execution.

- When Tim finds the painting and tells Dick about it, Dick DOES NOT THREATEN TO SEND HIM TO ARKHAM. He, reasonably (considering all the losses Tim has just faced) assumes Tim needs mental help and grief counseling, and recommends him a therapist in Metropolis.

- Tim decides to just go find evidence that Bruce isn’t dead by himself, and steals the Red Robin suit and runs off without even telling Alfred (Red Robin)

- Ra’s al Ghul sends people to kill Tim at first, but Tim obviously doesn’t die and breaks Pru’s nose twice. Eventually and reluctantly, Tim accepts the League’s help and resources.

- Tim finds his best piece of evidence in a cave in the desert with Pru, Z, and Owens. right after leaving the cave, an assassin attacks them, killing Z and Owens, slitting Pru’s throat, and stabbing Tim. Tim, ACTIVELY BLEEDING OUT, brings himself and Pru to the car they used to get there, drives to a hotel, CLIMBS UP THE BUILDING TO ONE OF THE TOP FLOORS WITH PRU WHILE THEY ARE BOTH BLEEDING OUT, and passes out on the bed, where Tam Fox (sent by Lucius to go find Tim) finds them. and so do a bunch of ninjas.

- Tim had to have his spleen removed because it was kebabed with a sword and was going to rupture. Ra’s also does NOT keep it in a jar.

- during the whole LOA part of RR, Ra’s is NOT preying on Tim. there is NO ROMANCE THERE. (no offense if you see it or think it’s implied, but to me it’s just really not?) its just RESPECT.

- with the whole bases exploding thing, its because the Council of Spiders was there and also he just doesn’t like the LOA. he gave them like 15 seconds to get out, obviously all the assassins managed to get out of the massive, complex bases in 15 seconds. (comic logic: if it’s not specified that it did kill them, then it didn’t.)

- the whole “Damian cutting Tim’s line” is also very exaggerated. Damian did it because of Tim’s “Hit List” and because Damian was on it. and Tim fell a few feet, caught himself, then fought Damian (neither won because Dick broke it up because they were literally right in front of THE alley.)

- not really a timeline thing, but in general, tim is VERY against murder. Part of the reason for this is Batman’s morals, which he built his own around, sure. But I think an even BIGGER part of his moral code is just to not become evil future gun Batman. And evil future gun Batman has no qualms against murder, he even killed Damian.

that’s pretty much the main stuff i wanted to touch on. LMK if i should add anything else or if i got anything wrong, thanks!!

No hate if u use the fanon stuff btw, i just know that a lot of people don’t read the comics and don’t know the actual information.

If you want pictures of some of these events from the comics, just lmk and I’ll provide

[auxiliarydetective]

AP-01: Project Apocalypse

ch. 08: Keep An Eye Out

AP-01 Masterlist

This fic is part of the Academy Projects series, a full rewrite of The Umbrella Academy with the addition of an original character, Kassandra Hargreeves. Throughout the story, you'll stumble across a few songs. This is supposed to make the fic feel as much like the show as possible, so I recommend you don't skip them.

Warnings: Canon-typical issues, murder

Having rewarded Klaus with his well-earned bagels, Kassandra spent the afternoon baking fudge nut bars for Five. Wherever the little rascal was. All the while, her mind was stuck somewhere else, however, so much so that she cut herself in the finger while chopping the fudge nut bars, leaving her cursing. At least it wasn’t a very deep cut. Finally, she had finished her creation and put them in a tin, labelling it with a sticky note. That was when she had run out of chores to do and finally headed to the phone to make a call.

“Hello, this is Timothy Carmichael?”

“Timmy, hey! It’s Kassandra.”

“Oh, hey. How are you? How was the funeral?”

“A trainwreck,” Kassandra scoffed, remembering Diego’s words. “But I don’t know what I expected.”

“Bet you’re dying to get home then, huh?”

“No, I…” She took a deep breath. “Timmy, I need to take a full week off.”

“What? Shit, Sandra, what happened? You never take a day off and now you want a whole week?”

The world is ending and I don’t know how to stop it and I wanna spend these last days fixing things with my family.

“Inheritance issues, you know the deal.”

“I don’t, actually, my dad isn’t a billionaire.”

“Right, I forgot.”

“Well, I’ll tell the boss, I guess… Is there anything else I can do?”

“Yeah… Take care of A.J. while I’m gone, will you? Just a little longer.”

Timothy chuckled on the other end. “It’s practically my fish at this point. A.J. Carmichael.”

“That’s not a bad name.”

“What do the A and J stand for?”

“Atlas and Jericho - hell if I know,” Kassandra chuckled.

“Your family’s always had a weird taste in names. Alright, I’ll take care of our fishy son, you take care of yourself and don’t get yourself too worked up about whatever is going on over there.”

“Thanks. I’ll try.”

“Oh, and one more thing: Is this your family’s landline? The number you’re calling under?”

“We have twelve of them plus Dad’s private line. But yeah, I guess it is.”

“Twelve, holy hell… Well, uh, can I reach you under this number?”

“You can try. I can’t promise I’ll be the one to pick up, but someone will pick up, I’m sure.”

“I suppose I’ll meet the family then,” Timmy said and Kassandra could practically see him winking in front of her mind’s eye.

“They’re a nuthouse, all of them, but I am too, and you get along with me just fine, so… Anyways, I gotta go. It was nice talking to you.”

“Yeah, you too. I’ll see you next week, I guess.”

“Yeah. … Bye.”

“Bye, Sandy.”

Kassanra had dinner on her own that night and spent the rest of the evening in her room, reading a book, keeping her sixth sense out for a life sign from Five. What she got in the end, however, wasn’t from Five. It was Allison. A discovery she had made.

Quickly, Kassandra got up from her desk and hurried over into the surveillance room. She had never been in there but she knew where it was from Pogo. As soon as she could get a peek inside, her blood turned a little chilly, and the confusion and anxiety from Allison didn’t help. About a dozen clunky tv screens, each showing a different bit of security footage. The many tiny ones showed the siblings as kids, sometimes running through the house, sometimes training, sometimes sleeping. But the big one was the one Allison was staring at. Carefully, Kassandra knocked on the doorframe. Allison was snapped out of her trance and turned to look at her.

“Kass, you need to see this,” was all she said.

So, Kassandra walked over to her and looked over her shoulder, at the bigger screen. The security tape whirred as Allison rewinded it, then clicked to play. In apprehension, Kassandra recognized the room and the date in the corner. The day of Dad’s death, and the time could also match.

In the video, Sir Reginald was in his bed and Grace was leaning over him, a cup of tea in her hand. He gestured at her. As she got up and retreated, he fell down onto the mattress, twitching painfully. But Grace just walked on as if nothing had happened. She even turned around in the doorframe and looked back, unbothered.

“That’s impossible,” Kassandra whispered.

“Right?” Allison hummed. “It’s a VHS tape, you can’t edit that.”

“I mean, you can, but not like they can edit your movies.”

“This is about as close to reality as we can get. But I still don’t believe it. You don’t think Mom poisoned Dad, do you?”

“Well, it looks like it, but it can’t be. Mom is programmed to give first aid, she shouldn’t be able to just leave him to die like that.”

Allison sighed. “It’s too bad you can’t read her. Think of how easily we could get this settled.”

“Believe me, no one gets more upset about the arbitrary rules of who I can and cannot read,” Kassandra scoffed. “I can read humans but I can’t read Dad, which…”

“Creepy.”

“Yeah, but are we even surprised? He got supernaturally old, I mean, I’m pretty sure he moved to the US in the 20s or something. But then I can’t read Mom but I can… sense her around, y’know? Even if only a little. And I can read Pogo, but I don’t always understand him. Then there’s regular animals, which I can’t understand or read at all but I can sense them but not in the same way I sense Mom. It’s weird.”

Allison just nodded, taking a deep breath. “So, what do we do now? I feel like we should tell Luther. He has to know he wasn’t wrong.”

“Oh, he was wrong, I stand by that,” Kassandra commented, “Morally wrong, but at least he was factually right… Or something like that.”

“Yeah.”

“Well… I’ll go back to my room. Try and think of a plan. Keep an eye out for Five, maybe he has an idea, with his 58 years of life.”

“Are we sure we wanna follow ideas from Five?” Allison questioned with a smirk.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to evaluate,” Kassandra chuckled. She straightened herself up and gave Allison a gentle pat on the shoulder before heading for the door. Just before leaving, she turned around. “Oh, and if you need comfort food, the snacks are in the same place as always. But try not to steal too many of Five’s fudge nut bars, he’s been on thin ice lately.”

“Is he okay?”

No, not in the slightest.

“Yeah, he’s just a little shaken. Trying to readjust, going on adventures…” Kassandra half-lied, hoping that Allison would catch on.

Then, she headed out, back to the siblings’ bedrooms. She settled down on her bed once again, acting as if she had never left, knowing that Five would only come to her if she didn’t come to him. He was like a wild animal in a way. Don’t approach them, let them approach you. Only give them affection if they encourage you and don’t take it even an inch too far or they’ll run.

It didn’t take long for a hint to reach Kassandra’s sense that Five had returned. It seemed he had run into Luther and Allison on the stairs, both of them noticing he was in a rough state, though it was hard to tell the details since they were too far away. But still, they were running into a wall, and that wall was Five blocking everyone out.

So, Kassandra waited. She sat on her bed, her book opened though she wasn’t reading it, her mind following Five as he went up to his room and considered his next steps. A little later, he came back down the stairs again, and he headed right for Kassandra’s room. Finally, he knocked at the door.

“Come in,” Kassandra called softly, knowing that Klaus was sleeping in the next room over.

“Kass, I need your sewing kit,” Five announced, with no hello. Classic.

“You’re not getting the sewing kit without the seamstress,” she stated, causing him to scoff. “Look, it’ll be much easier for me to stitch up your wound than for you to do it yourself. It’s that practical. Now, my room or yours?”

“Mine, before someone else takes pity on me.”

“Alright.”

So, Kassandra grabbed her sewing kit from her desk and followed Five into his room, where he quickly threw off his bloody jacket and shirt and plopped down on his bed. She sat down next to him and opened her sewing kit – which had used to be a manicure set but had been restocked into its new function when the siblings had been eight years old because some of Kassandra’s brothers had decided they didn’t want to run to Grace for every injury anymore because they were men now and all of that nonsense. She sterilized a needle and her hands, then grabbed some surgical thread and got to work. The moment the needle sunk in, Five let out a sharp hiss, but he didn’t even turn his head.

“Do you want—”

“No. Just get this over with. I need to get back out there.”

“Meritech won’t be open in the middle of the night and you can’t steal something that’s not there,” Kassandra said sagely.

Five scoffed. “Well, what am I supposed to do here? Listen to Luther ramble, accusing everyone of betrayal and murder?”

Well, he was actually right this time.

“Sleep. Rest.”

“And how am I supposed to do that? I haven’t had a decent sleep in years, you think I can just… plop down and go to sleep?”

“I have ambien.”

Five sighed heavily, shook his head and turned to look out the window.

“Listen, Five, why won’t you let anyone help you?” Kassandra asked, now that she had him in a position where he couldn’t run.

“You of all people should understand that,” Five retorted, though his voice was oddly soft. “And you’re no better. You think I don’t know why you ran?”

“It’s more complicated than that. Besides, we have bigger issues.”

“I still can’t let any of you get in on this. You already tried. Keep the timeline fluctuation minimal, otherwise the Commission will get you. Either we all die on doomsday or we make it through and I get to retire. None of you do anything stupid a single day earlier, got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“That includes you. You’re not going anywhere to do anything without me unless it’s some boring thing that normal people do like getting groceries or something. And keep an eye on the others, will you?”

“I’m not a surveillance system, but I’ll do my best.”

Kassandra cut off the excess thread, then lightly ruffled Five’s hair, gaining her a harsh smack against the arm.

“Let Delores out of the bag, why don’t you?” she commented as she hid her needle and thread away again. “She deserves some air and a tour of your room after everything you’ve been through.”

Five was too stunned to speak, those large brown eyes almost making him look soft and innocent.

“The ambien is hidden in a compartment under the stairs, fourth step up; don’t tell Klaus.”

With those words, she left the room. But only a few seconds later, she heard Five behind her again.

“Hey, Kass.”

“Hm?”

“Thanks.”

A soft smile spread across her lips, one that Five didn’t reciprocate… but that was okay.

“You’re my brother,” she said. “What else would I do?”

General Taglist: @starcrossedjedis @oneirataxia-girl @daughter-of-melpomene @bravelittleflower @box-of-bats

Academy Projects Taglist: @therantsofawriterrr @come-along-pond @the-wyvern-institute @cherrybombgigi

Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

[bionicbore]

Y’know I kinda wanna elaborate on the HC I mentioned, where I said that if Donald hadn’t found out what Douglas was doing and intervened, Douglas would’ve eventually cracked and fessed up

Mostly I wanna elaborate that he wouldn’t have fessed up because of ethical guilt (though I do think he may have something somewhere inside him that would give a damn about ethics. He did seem pretty excited to do good things after all) but more because he’s got the emotional strength of a wet tissue and would feel personal guilt after getting so attached

I’m gonna put most of it under a cut ‘cause it turned into a full on Douglas study I guess

Like... obviously I’m prefacing this with it being my own interpretation of the guy, but Douglas was a pretty emotional dude in the show. His entire redemption was rooted in his emotional attachment to his family. His morals never 100% improved, and the growth we did see was almost entirely motivated by “My family won’t like me if I’m a bad guy :(”

And while he’s not a particularly GOOD dad, he is a dad. Literally every kid Douglas gets more than 2 minutes of screen time with, he goes into some kind of Dad Mode

So, the way I see it, I don’t think Douglas would’ve lasted if he got to keep the Rats for longer than he did. It’s never actually said how old the kids were when Donald found out, but they couldn’t have been older than like... 3? Tops? Possibly even younger, technically. If Douglas actually got to watch those kids grow up in whatever messed up environment he had them in to keep them hidden (Which, I’ll be honest- based on comparing the brothers’ lab quality, was probably a worse environment than Donald’s lab) I don’t think he would’ve been able to commit. Not with the original trio, anyway

ALSO. I wanna bring up Donald, ‘cause he’s also a factor in of himself

Yeah, the brothers fight a lot, and did fight a lot. But I think it’s worth remembering that despite that, these two founded a company together. They invented things together. They work together seamlessly when they get in the zone. Douglas, despite all the animosity, was ecstatic at the prospect of getting to work alongside his brother again, and was genuinely sad when Donald didn’t feel the same, but chose not to fight Donald’s decision

Douglas cares what Donald thinks of him, and I bet he cared a lot more before Donald discovered what was happening and made his own judgement call. The two of them had to have been incredibly close, and that probably would’ve weighed on Douglas, too

But Donald found out on his own, and he didn’t waste time. He saw the children, he saw the conditions, the plans, the schematics. There was absolutely no way to rationalize what was happening here, Donald had to get these kids out and away. His little brother was using their assets to make deals with terrorists regarding the creation of bioweapons in the form of children

And Douglas was left ghosted by the most consistent presence in his life for the past 20+ years, locked out of the company he helped build from nothing, and separated from these kids who have also been a consistent presence in his life for entirely different reasons

And Douglas is notorious for deflecting and pushing back when someone else decides that he’s in the wrong. All that potential turmoil means the time between Donald finding out and Douglas “dying” was probably like. Intense. To put it mildly

All this to say: Douglas is still a DICK lmao and the point of this post is NOT to be like “Douglas deserved better” or even “Donald is to blame.” It’s more about how Douglas is a notably emotion-driven character and how it affects his dynamics and actions, both positive and negative

It’s also my favorite kind of angst- where technically, things could have turned out okay, or at least better than they did, if everyone involved hadn’t been such a mess

[oh-surprise-its-me]

Ron/Chris. I had this thought if younger jake is anything like older jake then we know he was for sure a trouble maker. imagine little jake getting into trouble and chris getting called into the school for a meeting

Oh he’s fucking crazy at points. But his dads don’t care they love him. Anyways, they always said if he was going to fight and had a good enough reason they wouldn’t ever be mad.

Chris knew agreeing to Jake taking karate was a terrible idea. Not because Jake would not like it. No no. He’s now punched a kid in the face.

Jesus, Chris is going to be gray by the time this kid is out of middle school.

When he goes inside to speak to the principal he sees Jake sitting in the hall, he crouches next to him, “hey baby you okay?” Jake nods, “fine. Nose hurts.” Chris kisses his head, “I’ll be back, stay.”

He walks into the office. Chris is tired. He just came off shift, it was a 24 and he just wants to go sleep. His hair has ash in it and he smells like smoke.

“Mr. Seresin! Hello so sorry to meet you for the first time like this.” Chris gives a small smile to the man. “What did he do this time.” He shakes his head, “fought a kid in the yard unprovoked I’m afraid. That’s at least a week suspension.”

Chris blinks. Something is off. “He wouldn’t do that.” “Now I know we want to believe the best in our kids-”

Chris cuts the round man off. “No. He wouldn’t do that. What happened. And don’t make me call him in here. He’ll say it in front of you.”

The man blinks, he clearly wasn’t expecting this from the only openly gay firefighter in town. “Your son has issues Mr. Seresin. He’s yelled at this kid before. Last week he lit a trash can on fire.”

Chris smiles “yeah because he wanted to prove the teacher wrong about the flammability of a tennis shoe. He proved her wrong.”

The man leans back in his chair. He looks at Chris for a second. “The issue is your son sir.”

Chris is over it. Ron will make fun of him later but Jesus Christ. He stands up and goes to the door, “Jake hon come here.”

Jake gets a gleeful look in his eyes. “Yeah dad?”

Chris sits back down and Jake sits next to him. “Tell me what really happened.”

Jake stares at his principal while he says this, “Mark called me a slur. Called you one too and said you should burn in the next fire you go into. So I hit him.”

Chris looks at the principal, “oh really?” Jake nods. “He tell you that it was his kid?”

Chris get the smile that Ron lovingly calls insane.

“So. My son is verbally abused. My life is threatened? And nepotism happens in this school? Well. I think that’s the last we’ve seen of you Mr. Shoemalker. Good day.”

Chris stands and Jake flips the principal off. Chris pretends to not see it.

They get back to the car and Jake slams into his legs. “Woah kiddo it’s okay. I’m not mad. Your papa is going to get a kick out of this though.”

Jake sniffs. He holds on tighter. “Can I sleep with you tonight. I keep seeing you dying if I close my eyes.”

Chris winces. He knows their jobs are hard on Jake. “Yeah baby of course you can.”

-

Ron is there when they get back. “Pa! I hit a kid!” Ron catches Jake and swings him up onto his hip. He’s getting big for that trick but Ron will never not hold his kid. “Is this something I should be proud of or apologizing to your dad for getting you lessons.”

Chris kicks off his other shoe in the hall. “Both.” Ron leans and kisses him. “Was it a fair fight?” “Yeah!”

Ron kisses Jakes head. “Go take your dog out to play.” “But-” “Jake I wanna talk to your dad.” “Okaay.”

Jake runs out the door with the mutt he calls Donkey after him. Chris collapses into Ron’s arms. “Long 24?” Chris laughs, he tosses his arms around Ron’s neck. “Your kid hit someone because they said I should burn in a house fire, and called him and me a slur.”

Ron blinks. “Good for him. Fuck that kid.” Chris kisses Ron, “yeah I’m gonna see if we can get the new principle removed it was his kid and he wanted to punish Jake.” “Want me to talk to him?

Chris’s hands tighten in Ron’s hair. “No stay away. He’d report you so fast. I’ll get the guys at the station to file complaints with me.”

Ron rocks Chris, he slides around him so they can watch Jake out the kitchen window. “Our kids a bit of a shit.” Ron laughs, “yeah but he’s so clearly ours that it makes sense.”

“Love you.” “Love you more.”

[iguessigotta]

'nother desmon drabble. this was gonna be one part but i think i'm gonna make it at least a two-parter no warnings, aside from desmond's foul mouth

“How much longer are they gonna have me under surveillance?” Desmond said, stopping in the doorway to lean against the frame.

“What- w- ow-” a screwdriver and a few smaller pieces fell to the floor as Tony smacked the back of his head off the edge of his work table. He cursed quietly before standing, hand rubbing circles into the back of his head, “Who’s got who under surveillance?”

Desmond rolled his eyes, “You know what I’m talking about, jesus christ-”

“No taking the lord’s name in vain,” Tony interrupted with a barely-contained snicker.

The dramatic, frustrated sigh Desmond let out could have earned him awards, had there been awards for “acting like a teenager in your late 20’s”.

“Shield, dad,” he said, closing his eyes and taking intentional, slow breaths, “The absolutely fuckin massive military intelligence….branch…..thing.”

He deflated when he finally opened his eyes to see Tony stifling laughter, hand clamped over his mouth. He could tell Tony wanted to keep poking at him, and when the man in front of him tried speaking, moving his hand from his mouth,he had to clamp it back down as a fresh wave of laughter bubbled up. Desmond grimaced.

“W-wai- I’m sor-” Tony cut himself off but failed to stop a bark of laughter. He cleared his throat and tried again, “You were right, Des. That’s what they are - ‘the absolutely fuckin’ massive military intelligence branch thing’”

“You know what I mean,” Des grumbled with a roll of his eyes, “How much longer are they going to be stalking me?”

Turning to grab some things from his work table, Tony let out a long breath, beginning to idly clean something with a rag, “Few more months I think.”

“Months?!” Desmond near-shouted, “Why?”

“Why?” Tony paused cleaning whatever he was holding, “Desmond, you were brainwashed. By the scepter.”

Desmond, frustrated, refused to respond. That made Tony nervous, “You….do remember being  brainwashed by the scept-”

“Yes I remember being brainwashed by the scepter,” he said with a slight whine, dragging a hand through freshly-dyed hair. Before he could speak again, Tony cut him off.

“Well. That’s why you’re still under surveillance,” he looked at Des while gesturing to his own head, “You’ve got scrambled eggs for brains now or something. I don’t know, they never tell me anything - and why do you care so much? You never leave the compound so nothing should really have changed for you.”

“Thanks for confirming I’m being stalked.”

“Surveilled.”

“Whatever, oh my god.” 

Tony paused a moment, simply watching Desmond, before taking a breath, “All right, spit it out, kid. Who’s got you so antsy for freedom?”

“W-” Desmond sputtered, face screwing up in confusion, “The fuck makes you say who?”

“That!” Tony gestured towards Desmond with a wrench, continuing through laughter, “That look on your face! You’re so mad!”

“Gee, I wonder why,” Desmond rolled his eyes, turning to leave. If Tony was going to just sit here and make fun of him, then he’d go find help somewhere else, “Whatever, nevermind, I’ll go ask Buzz…”

There wasn’t a doubt in Tony’s mind that no matter what the request was, Buzz would be able to find a way to complete it. The last time Desmond asked Buzz for help tracking down a copy of a rare video game, Buzz had found and somehow gotten his hands on it within a week and a half. Which would have been all well and good if they hadn’t also created, sold, and then ran away with the money from some absurd crypto currency in order to pay for it. Ok, it was pretty funny. Buzz put so little effort into the currency, it was honestly kind of their fault for falling for it. Unfortunately, S.H.I.E.L.D. caught wind of it and saddled Tony with a mountain of paperwork. ‘Still better than the time he had them find Wade. Yeah, let’s not do that again…’

“Wait no - Des!” he shouted, a bit louder than intended, making Desmond jump slightly. Tony ran his hand down his face before continuing, “I’ll do it - what did you need?

[nukenai]

finally beat violet’s story so i will talk about it under the cut

warning regarding my personal traumas but mentioning the specific one is a spoiler in itself for the game LMFAO

everyone was like WHOAAA THE ENDING IS SOOO SCARY TOTAL NIGHTMARE FUEL WHAT THE FUUUUCK meanwhile it was just like, malfunctioning robot = scary to some people but i’ve been immune to that for all eternity lol. it is very much “whoa!” but it was not Scary other than that. witnessing actually scary games has ruined me sorry

anyways what really got me was Arven being like “my dad died after I had a very complicated relationship with him, and yeah it was upsetting but now I feel like I’m ready to really begin my own adventure”. I don’t keep up with Discourse but I can’t imagine people aren’t complaining about that. I can’t imagine people are not going “omg how unrealistic why wasn’t he inconsolably sobbing how dare he not be devastated that his neglectful father died” or whatever because like.

idk as a Dead Parent Haver whose relationship was clearly not cartoon pokemon levels of complicated, but was... definitely complicated. My mother was very emotionally abusive, i lived with her, she became sick with a terminal illness and I had to care for her AND my ill grandfather for about a year before they both passed months apart;. My mom went into the hospital when she could no longer really walk or care for herself, she wound up never leaving and was in the hospital for 4 months before passing. A month or so before she died she had become completely unresponsive. So we really never actually got to say goodbye to her and it’s just. Idk I guess SORT OF comparable to “my dad was never home and I barely ever saw him and now he’s dead”.

I don’t know where I’m going with this it’s like, it was kind of nice to see? A real fucking difference from the car crash that was Sun & Moon’s handling of a blatantly abusive psychotic mother being forgiven by her daughter because “;A; she’s my mother! poor wusamine!” fuck off. Arven obviously didn’t hate his father but resented him for how he sidelined his child for his job. And he never really got closure on that. You could argue that the AI was possessed by Dad Ghost or fucking whatever but. In REALITY he did not get any kind of closure and his dad died without him there (I also left the hospital before my mom died, she was just on life support anyways). Obviously with me because I am a real person who exists, the issues took longer to deal with but like. Yeah actually I do feel like my mom dying allowed me to finally start being an independent person and let go of a lot of shit that happened to me. But obviously it’s still a horrible shit trauma to go through. Which is not something a Pokemon game is equipped to handle a whole lot.

It was just a nice take on a “parent dead” plot point, without the character comically being like “i hate you dad! glad you’re dead! fuck you!” or “i am now in sorrow forever because i didn’t get real closure with my dad and he’s gone and that AI is not my real dad and I’m gonna angst about it!”. I think it did a good job of portraying a complex relationship with a parent who probably definitely fucked up without meaning to, and can’t really apologize, truthfully.

Anyways the whole rest of the game made me feel like entirely nothing and I did not care but the ending part was exciting and interesting and cool enough to make me go hey, this game definitely made me feel more than Sword & Shield did. And at the very least, unlike SwSh, it let you ACTUALLY TAKE PART IN THE STORY. The descent into the crater was really nice and just that part alone made me actually start to like the characters I was forced to interact with for the whole game lmfao. I still don’t like Nemona but like, whatever.

Didn’t think i’d find Turbo Solidarity with fucking Sandwich Boy but here we are.

[bubblin-trouble]

❣️ What are their love languages?

“Eh, I’d say…physical touch and quality time.”

🌙 What’s their sleep schedule like?

“…I sleep eventually.”

🎁 How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general?

“I celebrate my birthday, usually a party with friends and family, lots of food. But…I don’t celebrate all too much anymore. It don’t feel right without my little sister with me.”

🧑‍🦰 Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself?

“Yeah, if you can’t tell by the purple in my hair. It ain’t natural, if you can’t tell. I go to a special salon for my hair, since my curls need specific maintenance. But I can handle it on my own.”

🍷 How do they feel about alcohol?

“I’ve had it at like church ‘n stuff. Accidentally drank a non-virgin piña colada once. Wasn’t too bad, though.”

🗣️ How do they handle public speaking?

“I’m alright at it. I’m better at singin’ than speakin’ if I’m bein’ honest.”

🎮 What’s their favorite game?

“I like Cookie Run : Kingdom. …And Ponytown.”

💓 What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection?

“I start hangin’ out with ‘em a lot. Bein’ just a bit more friendly than usual, bakin’ stuff and givin’ it to them. Lettin’ them pick out stuff to do at the sleepovers I like hostin’.”

🤡 What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about?

“I got struck by lightnin’ as a kid because I tore out a part of the wire on my braces that I had and held it up to the sky durin’ a thunderstorm. It was kinda funny, still stupid, though.”

🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer?

“I’m a mix of both. I’m real good at keepin’ flowers alive, but I can’t keep a poor tomato plant alive for more than a week.”

📱 - What social media do they use the most?

“Magicam, I’d say. I wasn’t used to all of these people callin’ me pretty ‘n whatnot, so it kinda encouraged me to post a bit more.”

👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like?

“I love my momma, and my dad. I miss ‘em every single day.”

🐒 - What’s their favorite animal?

“Probably an Agouti. They’re so weird lookin’, I love ‘em to bits.”

🧳 - What countries have they been to?

“I’ve been lots of places. Grand Cayman Islands, Nassau, Aruba, Bermuda, Belize, Peru, the US, a lot of places in Europe, Japan, and lots of others.”

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand?

“Men’s audacity.”

🎨 - What’s their favorite color?

“Purple, if ya couldn’t tell.”

☂️ - How do they feel about rain?

“I love it. Dancin’ in it with my momma and my brother when I was little was so much fun. I wanna do it again.”

🎶 - What’s a song they really like?

“I really like ‘Why Don’t You Do Right?’ from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.”

🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies?

“Yeah, I got a few. I surf, sew, bake, sing, do weightliftin’, and I like writin’ stories.”

💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep?

“A stuffed animal. I don’t care if it’s childish, it ain’t hurtin’ nobody, and it helps me sleep.”

🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride?

“Oh, yeah. I love all of the big rollercoasters, the ones that go extra fast and extra high.”

🗺️ - What languages do they speak?

“I speak a bunch. Whenever I had free time, I was always tryna learn a new language. I speak English, Spanish, Haitian Creole, Hawaiian, French, Latin, Māori, and lots more.”

🍳 - How well can they cook?

“I’ll whip ya up a whole five course meal, if you give me the right amount of time, and space. No one’s in the kitchen while I am, unless you want a pan to the cranium.”

🍪 - How well can they bake?

“I mean, I was basically always covered in dough when I was little, if that says anythin’.”

💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)?

“Everythin’. Why choose?”

👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress?

“I love skirts ‘n dresses, especially ones with a lot of flow. And sparkles.”

💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?

“I’d really appreciate you just listenin’ to me while I’m talkin’, even if it’s somethin’ mundane. Just be there for me. I don’t ask for much, ‘kay?”

☕ - Coffee or tea?

“Tea. Eucalyptus, preferably, with lots of honey.”

💀 - How do they feel about horror movies?

“I love ‘em. I especially love doin’ horror movie marathons. My brothers ‘n sisters? Save for two or three of them…not so much.”

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them?

“Yeah, I have lots back home. I have decorative ones and ones I sleep with. My bed back home is covered in stuffed animals. I just lay on top of them with a blanket, really.”

💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them?

“I don’t try to impress them too often, but I still probably try to do it subconsciously. Probably by makin’ their favorite food just the way they like it. My partner could impress me by pickin’ me up and just holdin’ me. Piggy back, bridal style, it doesn’t matter. Makes me giggly every time. …I like bein’ held.”

🍽️ - What’s their favorite food?

“Jerk chicken and beignets.”

🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids?

“I’d like a few. Just havin’ little mini me’s or the mini versions of my partner runnin’ ‘round the house. Sounds adorable to me. I love kids, and I’m pretty good with ‘em.”

🐾 - Do they have any pets?

“Back home, I have a canary and a dog. She’s a big breed, so she takes up about half of the living room rug.”

💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.)

“I definitely use like a bit too much.”

🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns?

“I identify as pansexual. She/her for pronouns.”

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings?

“Yeah, nine of ‘em. Three older, five younger, and a twin brother. …I used to have another sister, but she passed away.”

🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them?

“Usually ‘sweetheart’ and ‘baby/babe’ got me blushin’ a bit. ‘Honey’ does it, too.”

🌳 - What’s their extended family like?

“Just as chaotic as my immediate family, if anythin’. Love all of my cousins and aunts, they’re hilarious.”

No pressure tags : @nrc-asteryn-crew @night-raven-miscellany + anyone else who wants to do this!

You don’t have to do all of them if you don’t want to I just decided to lol

Misc. Ask Meme

❣️ - What are their love languages? 🌙 - What’s their sleep schedule like? 🎁 - How do they feel about their birthday/birthdays in general? 🧑‍🦰 - Have they ever dyed their hair? Ever cut it themself? 🍷- How do they feel about alcohol? 🗣️ - How do they handle public speaking? 🎮 - What’s their favorite game? 💓 - What are some signs they’ve fallen for someone? How do they show their affection? 🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about? 🌱 - Do they have a green thumb or are they a plant killer? 📱 - What social media do they use the most? 👪 - What’s their relationship with their parents like? 🐒 - What’s their favorite animal? 🧳 - What countries have they been to? 🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand? 🎨 - What’s their favorite color? ☂️ - How do they feel about rain? 🎶 - What’s a song they really like? 🖌️ - Do they have any hobbies? 💤 - What do they absolutely need to have to fall asleep? 🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride? 🗺️ - What languages do they speak? 🍳 - How well can they cook? 🍪 - How well can they bake? 💘 - What do they find attractive about their partner(s)? 👗 - How comfortable would they be wearing a skirt or dress? 💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side? ☕ - Coffee or tea? 💀 - How do they feel about horror movies? 🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them? 💖 - How and how often do they try to impress their partner(s)? How and how often do their partner(s) impress them? 🍽️ - What’s their favorite food? 🧑‍🍼 - How do they feel about kids? 🐾 - Do they have any pets? 💬 - What are some filler/buffer words they use? (Like, um, etc.) 🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns? 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 - Do they have any siblings? 🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them? 🌳 - What’s their extended family like? 🎲 - Pick a random question to answer from this list.

[eideticly-strange-one]

Welcome to my bizarre corner of the internet!

Think of this as my Card (or however you spell it)

List of Trigger Warnings Below The Cut! PLEASE DO NOT SKIP!!!

This blog and this post will contain the following triggers:

Child Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Forced Starvation, Discussions of Mental Health, Extreme Chronic Pain, Cults, SA, Attempted Murder, DID-esque Things, Disassociation. More to be added as I think of them…

I’ve made this blog to chronicle my weird ass journey through my somehow even weirder ass brain. 🧠

About me:

General Shit

I’m an adult 👨‍🌾

I’m a spoonie 🥄

(In my case that means I have Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, every single joint of mine has a ganglion cyst pushin’ it apart 👌, possible MS but I’m too poor to test for it (MRI’s are expensive!), Diabetic af 🍭, and other things probably but I can’t think well atm 😵‍💫)

Cult Survivor

Domestic Abuse Survivor

Child Abuse Survivor

SA Survivor

Engaged Gay Guy 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (eyyyy that’s a nice one :D I’m not all horrific!)

Lucid Dreamer. In my dreams, you control Dream. Not other way around. I started doing this for sure at age four.

BRAIN STUFF!!

Complex PTSD

OCD (but not your stereotypical type. Nope 🙂‍↔️ instead of cleaning like crazy 🙄 I can’t clean sometimes because I’m convinced my dog or fiancé will die if I do! So my trash becomes precious in the sense it’s keeping my loved ones alive. Fun!) (Also I’m a chronic skin picker! Check out my scabs 😏)

Horrific ADHD! It’s so fun to have a vast and useless knowledge of randomness but if you asked me to tell ya what I did five minutes ago I wouldn’t be able to, even if you had a gun to my head 😬 (Forgetting what you are saying as you’re saying it squad STAND UP!) And my time blindness is insane…

Maladaptive Daydreaming. (Say hello to my fake scenarios! … oh… they don’t actually care that you said hi… sorry…)

Hyperphantasia… I used to think everyone was like this. Turns out nope! Ever imagine, in horrifying detail, what it would be like to be stabbed and then you get stabbed and it feels the same? No? Oh… lol yeah me neither 😳

Eidetic Imagery. This one is so fun when you have horrific traumas to fondly look back on against your will 🙂 Plus side I impressed my art teacher by drawing an apple from memory and it was better than my attempt at copying from life (it’s easier when you can hold the apple in your imaginary hand to get better angles ^_^

Generalized Anxiety disorder! I’m generally anxious! About what? You tell me, man, you tell me…

Severe Social Anxiety Disorder! I’ve had this since before I can remember (my memory starts at my first birthday party, so that’s pretty cool of me 😎)

Atypical Panic Attacks! Since waaaaaaay before my traumas I’d just be sittin’ somewhere doin’ something I like and then BAM! Incredible amounts of adrenaline start surging through my system! For no reason! This one took my first psychiatrist a while to accept. He was convinced I was doing or thinking something that triggered me but nope! It’s just random. Like my dumb ass 😁

Dyscalculia! I read numbers backwards! Do math backwards! I cannot judge distance to save my life! Reading one of those round clock things is impossible! I cannot tell left from right! Even though my Dad tried to ‘train me’ by saying which side he was going to punch and I had duck in the other direction! If I didn’t get punched it was pure dumb luck 🍀

Dyslexia! ‘Cause why not have another Dys syndrome! I have made progress on this one however, by a considerable amount, because I’m a writer (against my will be eh) 📖

Autism. If you call me ‘Aspie’ I will find your ass. And no, I will not be nice. My object of study (special interest is demeaning, don’t @ me) is vague af. It’s stories. And horror. Horror stories REALLY scratch that itch. I read stories and watch/read/view horror from around the globe and am compulsed to compare and contrast. I’ve found you never really learn a new culture until you’ve absorbed their stories into your soul.

Now it’s time for the ACTUALLY weird shit!

Ever since I can remember, if I thought something, I would see that instead of what my eyes were looking at! It took me until fourteen to learn how to make it a transparent-ish overlay instead of blacking out my vision! Walked into a lot of doors and poles. Sometimes houses. Once a barn. Many trees… 🌳

This one relates to the first one I think. When I read I watch a movie. I cannot for the life of me understand how people read the words and don’t see a film playing out instead. If it’s a tech manual I either see someone reading it to me, or my dyslexia kicks into high gear and the words jumble up into chaos. This also makes me ‘read’ slower than most, as the voices and images have to go at the pace of a film. My fiancé reads so fast because he doesn’t even hear a voice in his head when he does it. That’s so fuckin’ bizarre of him /j.

I have a mind palace. Yeah yeah go on and roll your eyes. I read about it when I was a teenager and thought it was interesting. I figured I can imagine whatever I want in extreme detail (even things I’ve never seen before), so I made one. I use it to store characterizations. And bad memories. So it’s a character storage closet and a way to compartmentalize. I also play piano in the foyer, next to the main entrance, which is the Gates of Hell buy Auguste Rodin. I enter it by suddenly walking into the foyer. The Gates of Hell lead to any room I want. There is also a hall in front of the foyer. I enter on the… okay so if you’re facing the Gates I enter on the Left side (I had to make an L with my fingers Dx) and if you go right down the hall, past the foyer, there are rows of doors on either side of the hall, which hold frequently visited rooms. I also have the White Room, which I enter to experience nothing. With extreme pain, either mental of physical, I can go into the room and not exist for a while. This does not however mean I’m passed out. I’m getting to that part though…

I see characters from books and films as actual people. Like out and about doing things. As a child I thought they were real. By four I realized no one else saw them. I would still talk to them/play with them often. I still see them, but now it’s more voluntary.

Building off that when I lived with my extremely abusive Ex Husbands parents, (who were actively starving me to death at the time, but I didn’t realize because they had good excuses and did it slowly until all food was cut off very suddenly when I was too weak to do anything about it) I had an extreme amount of stress and anxiety. My ex was in a band, which meant that every single night we were gigging and I had to schmooze for him. I was forced to talk and charm members of other bands, producers, mixers, fans, you name it. I couldn’t handle it. I just COULD. NOT. DO. IT!!! So, one of those characters I see all the time came to me in my mind palace (that’s where they live) and invited me to his bar for some drinks (I can feel drunk while I’m in the palace, it’s pretty cool. I can also eat in there during times of starvation and it helps with the pain). He offered to do the socializing for me. So I said yes. And that’s how I spent the next six months primarily as Dean Winchester. I don’t remember much of this time. And I got into a lot of awkward situations (he was a bisexual fuckboy and I’m gay… so I had about thirteen girlfriends, with my ex’s permission as long as he could date them too… I do know, thanks to Dean telling me, that the reason I had so many was because my ex Husband was so creepy he’d scare them off. Apparently the girls offered to keep dating me, just not the ex, but per my ex’s rules, I always declined). I do remember some things though. I would say I was myself about thirty percent of the time.

Things began to escalate… years later, when I got with my more serious ex gf, things ramped up a lot. We were in the process of buying a house and adopting a child, when the birth mom lost custody to her bigoted parents who hated me even though I’d been raising their grandchild since nine months old (she was roughly two and a half at the time). They knew I was ‘bisexual’ and so thought I was of the devil. I never saw my child again (she was MY child. I still mourn her loss. It’s so strange to mourn someone who’s still alive). After that the characters in my head started coming out without talking to me first. Whenever my emotions got to be too much it was like a failsafe kicked in and they’d come out. Idk how else to explain it. My ex gf caught on, and at first was convinced I had Dissociative Identity Disorder which meant I was therefore dangerous. She was afraid to sleep next to me in case I had an ‘Evil alter’ who’d kill her on her sleep. Eventually she got over that and decided to start learned manipulating me via the characters. If I didn’t want to or couldn’t do something, someone in my head probably could. She’d purposefully trigger them to get her way and then gaslight me about it. My ability to speak with most characters was very limited at that time, so she got away with it for a while. She explained my blank periods as me being blackout drunk, having a bottle of liquor she’d poured out as the proof. Eventually I realized what was happening, as I was able to figure out how to be in more contact with each character in my head. They told me what she was doing… But like an idiot I stayed with her, thinking no one else would accept me. She ended up breaking up with me anyway when I ran out of money. Came around a few times after when I had money again. I’ve blocked her for good at this point 👍

I started using the characters more and more, strengthening my mind palace. I ended up telling my bff at the time about it and he accepted it easily. Never once thought it made me dangerous. He’s even made friends with some of the people in my head. He has his favorites, and his not so favorites xD Btw, he ended up becoming my fiancé 😘

We’ve discovered the characters can do incredible feats of strength and willpower. If I’m about to pass out from pain (which happens frequently) I go into the white room and one of them comes out. One time we had to walk two hours to a gas station at 2am. I couldn’t do it. I convened with my characters and we decided one of them could do it the best (my fiancés least favorite unfortunately). Him and my fiancé ended up going at a march, army style, and made it there and back in fifty minutes. That would’ve been a four hour walk if it had been me attempting it. I was in INCREDIBLE pain when I came to, and was also confronted with the stupid amount of drama the character had caused by being a gossiping bitch. But what mattered was that we’d done it. Well, they’d done it. Some fucking how. The characters can come out when I’m in a severe blood sugar crash and instruct my fiancé on how to help, whereas before they appeared I was a mumbling mess. Sometimes when I’m doing very unwell it feels like bench pressing 300 pounds getting them to come out, but it’s doable.

What does all this mean?

I reeeeeaaalllly don’t think I have DID. It doesn’t seem like other people I know who have it. That’s why I’m making this blog. I’d like to see if I can find like-crazed people out there, get their opinions, discuss possibilities. If you have eidetic imagery, maladaptive daydreaming, FPP (Fantasy Prone Personality Disorder), or even DID, I’d like to hear from you.

I’ll add to this later with a list of characters who I’ll give free rein to use this account. They’ll be able to make their own posts, answer asks, especially if the ask is directed to them, and just use tumblr in general. I’m going to keep this blog as strictly a post blog about my mental health journey, so no memes unfortunately :(

If you’ve made it this far, here’s a medal!! (It’s made from fiberglass and my tears 😊)

[ketchupcaptain]

Downhill (Harry AU Fanfiction) - Chapter Two: Fallout (on Wattpad) 

Should I run after him? I should, right? God... what have I done. Darting out the door, I stood on my tippy toes, trying to survey the area. No tall, sexy dudes within a 20-foot radius. Shit. I fished my piece of shit cell phone out of my tote bag and called my older brother, hoping to get a ride to the police station.

"Hey... Uh, Jason?"

"What do you want?" He responded through a mouth full of crisps.

"Could I get a ride somewhere?"

"For god's sake, Ellie, get a freakin' car. I'm tired of driving you around," He said in his thick cockney accent.

"Do you think I have the money for a car? Please... This is important."

The line went silent.

"Fine." He huffed.

"I'm just outside Camden Market."

"See you in a bit." The line clicked off.

It was ages before I saw him roll up in his rinky-dink car. "What took you so long?" I huffed as I plopped in the passenger seat.

"I had to finish my snack. Snacking is important." I rolled my eyes in protest. "Where to?" he asked.

"Umm... Don't be mad... Please."

"What did you do?" He said, looking at me with one of his eyebrows raised.

"Will you super-secret swear on it that you won't tell Dad?" I reached out my hand for the classic Ravensdale swear. Jason and I used to be really close until Dad kicked him out after he was caught selling pot and drinking in our attic with a bunch of his friends.

Even though Jason can be annoying, I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for him.

I told him everything, and he listened patiently. "Harry... that name sounds familiar. Is he really tall, got a bunch of tats, curly brown hair?" Fuck. He knows who he is; things just got semi-interesting.

"Uhh. Yeah. Let's hurry on now so he doesn't get arrested, shall we?" Jason turned and looked at me intensely, "I wouldn't help that boy if I were you."

"Oh, whatever, just drive. Come on now. Chop chop!" I nudged him playfully.

"I'm serious, El." He always called me that when he got frustrated.

"Jas, I don't really care what history you two have. This guy's done me a real solid, so let's go bail his ass out, shall we?"

Jason suddenly got absolutely livid and slammed his hand on the steering wheel. "El, you don't fucking get it, do you?" He becomes a whole different person when he's mad. "Harry is the one who brought the weed to the party that night. He's my supplier."

I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't imagine the man I met a couple of hours ago being a drug dealer based on how he practically flipped shit over me shoplifting. Weird hill to die on if you ask me.

"I never even smoked any of it." Jason put his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes. "Of course, Dad didn't believe a word I said." He pounded on the steering wheel once more. "Fuck! He never believes anything I say, El." He glanced over at me with tears brimming in his eyes. I've never seen my brother like this, so broken and helpless. In fact, I've never seen him cry.

"Jason, I'm so sorry." I looked up at him with sympathy.

"Just forget it." He scoffed while wiping his tears and putting the car in drive.

We drove for 10 minutes in awkward silence. I felt terrible and could not wrap my head around the fact that the seemingly sweet and normal guy I ran into earlier was why my brother had been couch surfing for over three months.

Harry... a drug dealer? Really? He seems so; I don't know. Not drug-dealery.

He did get aggressive with me when he was dragging me back to the shop, but it didn't feel too threatening. I secretly enjoyed it.

We stopped at a red light, and I looked over at my brother. He had brown eyes just like mine, but strangely enough, he had dirty blonde, curly hair that he cut short for the summer. He caught me looking at him and gave me the middle finger.

I know I'm his little sister, but I have this urge to protect him. Maybe it's because of Mom dying or the way I've seen Dad treat him, but I want to keep him safe.

I don't know if I can believe what he said about Harry. I really want to trust him, but I can't. He's lied to me before; why should I believe him now?

AN: Hi guys! What did you think of this plot twist? LOL. I can't believe 13-year-old me came up with this juicy of a storyline. I promise it will only thicken from here on out and the romance level will turn up a notch or two. I'll update you all tomorrow, so stay tuned for more drama ;)

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

domestic life w/ bakugou thoughts pt 2910488:

- biggest scary dog privilege imaginable. just- nobody is even going to look at you when you’re walking with bakugou. (bc even creeps wont try to provoke an animal that clearly has rabies)

- tries to eat as many meals as he can w/ you. regardless of what he says, he truly doesn’t like eating alone and will wait if he has to

- if u ever manage to drag him into a self-care day, he’s falling asleep .3 seconds in. somethin about the nice smelling products, your gentle hands against his skin, your soft voice explaining how long to leave his face mask on???? pls he’s out

- gets genuinely upset over any of his houseplants dying. like, full-day grieving event bc he feels frustrated over being a “failure” (he’s so dramatic i swear)

- rlly good at mumbling “5 more minutes- ‘s cold, don’t fuckin’ get up.” into your shoulder blades on the rare chance you try to leave the before he’s ready to

- he will fully argue w/ any pets you have. just, red in the face and debating w/ your cat who just swiped a glass off the table

- probably begs you to work out with him. n it’s so hard to say no bc he literally never asks for anything he truly wants. you’ll be wishing u did say no tho bc working out w/ him somehow feels way more like self-harm than self-improvement

- snores like a kitten. no u can’t convince me otherwise and no i will never under any circumstances be taking criticism about this

- bakugou normally gets up way earlier than u, but if u rlly wanna treat him, set his alarm back like 5-10 mins. while he “sleeps in” make him breakfast n eat w/ him before he goes off to work,,, 10/10 times he’ll almost be late out the door bc he can’t figure out how to stop pulling you into his arms (he can’t help it okay, it’s not his fault when you’re being so sweet)

- gossiping w/ him is genuinely entertaining. not bc he has anything of interest to share, but entirely bc of the comments he makes. like sometimes you’ll look over at him, and he’s just completely heated, spitting as he goes on a tirade about how your shared friend is such a “fuckin’ idiot, empty-headed, loser”

- runs into shit constantly. u cannot tell me this man isn’t clipping doorways w/ his shoulder, isnt accidentally cutting a corner and hitting his hip. he is. he just is.

- he probably does little stuff for u. like always making sure your pantry is stocked up w/ stuff you like to eat, or always replacing toilet rolls so you never have to run out. just tiny, minuscule every day stuff. like, if you’re not looking closely you’ll never notice, but once you do it’s like the list of all he does is endless

- calls his mother a lot actually. legitimately sounds like he wants to kill himself the entire time he’s on the phone, but always hangs up with a “Yeah, yeah, call you next week, hag. Same fuckin’ time. Don’t be late.” ,,, n then he keeps his word. he’s on the phone the same time next week w/out fail

- mans always has a hand on you. like if ur sitting next to him than his hand is on ur thigh, or wrapped around ur ankle, or idly running up the inside of ur arm,,, not even bc he’s trying to start something or anything,, he rlly just doesn’t realize he’s even doing it

- bakugou says that stupid as hell “I’m just resting my eyes” dad thing when he’s falling asleep and doesn’t want to admit it

- has a set of knives for cooking that only he is allowed to use. sometimes u swear he loves them more than he loves u

- u’ve never seen this man put something down gently. he has slammed down every item he has ever held in his hands

- probably sleeps all curled up into a ball. u cannot tell me that bakugou’s raging insecurities don’t have him absolutely locked up into fetal position every night

- lmao if u live with him long enough bakugou will straight up develop separation anxiety. like, he’ll just be pissy and disoriented and unsettled if he’s separated from the routine of being with u for too long

- has a frightening obsession with keeping your home bug-free. takes a slightly worrying amount of joy from squashing insects beneath his fingers

- sniffs food out, like a literal dog, before he eats it

- bakugou is such a primadonna about home decor. no rlly. if u ever try to pick out any major furniture without him, mans is throwing a fit

- taking him shopping is so funny lmao. if u faked that you were “worried about all the bags being heavy” and tried to “carry some of the burden” ,,,, pls u could have that fool looking like a pack animal by the end of the day. easy work bc his ego will never let u carry anything

- will melt immediately if you offer to give him a massage after he’s done w/ hero work for the day. just completely boneless beneath your fingers as he shuts his eyes

- bakugou probably does weird little exercises when he’s got too much energy. like he’s being annoying, complaining that he’s bored one moment and then next he’s got a yoga mat out and he’s rolling himself into a pretzel the next

- eats the nastiest looking health food you’ve ever seen. like it honestly looks disgusting but he swears its good for him

- will absolutely create new words just so he can call people incredibly targeted and personal slurs. gets the happiest u’ve ever seen him on the rare chance u repeat an insult he came up with

- bakugou will talk shit about ur neighbors even if he’s never met them. even if he’s never seen them. just cannot keep his mouth shut about anything ever and unfortunately ur unsuspecting neighbors make the easiest targets

- has a tendency to praise himself when bakugou feels that something he did goes unnoticed. like, if he did cleaned the kitchen and u don’t immediately comment on it then its “Wow, Katsuki, thank you so much for bustin’ your fuckin’ ass for this family! The kitchen looks great!” mumbled indignantly under his breath

- chugs any/all drinks he has ever had. breathes heavy afterwards like a toddler. its embarrassing for everyone involved

[zepskies]

Hello my friend! First of all, thank you so much for this amazing review on Part 4!! 🥹

“I’m also tired of being afraid of what I can’t control.” TRUTH!

This is definitely me right now. I'm going through a tough time in my personal life with a lot of unknown shit on the horizon, so maybe I wrote this bit in for myself, now that I think about it lol.

Beau's internal insecurities seem ludicrous to us of course, but I thought it would def be a hangup for him as he sees himself as the main reason his marriage failed.

“What, are you a Professor of Cheatin’ Bastards too?” was adorable - I have my PhD in that one. (A collection of red flags isn’t an amusement park - who knew?!)

Ugh I know you've had your experiences there, and I'm sorry about that. 😪 It's no pony ride, that's for sure.

(But oh, if Beau were real. I would move to MT lmao.)

You made a beautiful point with “He saw a lot of things on the job that were hard. Too hard to explain. Possibly too hard to even work through. It made him…distant, when I was a kid. I don’t think we really connected until I got older.” My Dad was Army Vet, and a Sheriff; I didn’t realize how common it was until I became a nurse caring for Veterans. It’s easier for some to open up to a total stranger than family/friends, for many reasons.

Thank you, lovely. I don't have personal experience on this like you do (I'm sure those were very difficult to get through, both with your dad and your patients), but I've read enough on it to get a sense of how difficult it is for people in these kinds of jobs: i.e. army vets, first responders, etc. Sometimes there's just more pressure opening up with the people you love the most.

And I loved “Your sympathetic heart said he didn’t deserve to get left behind when he needed his family the most. However, the more logical part of you knew that sometimes, love just wasn’t enough to keep you tied to someone who didn’t seem to want to help themselves. When it felt like they were giving you no choice.” Ouch, but true.

Yeah. I'm the kind of person who can be sympathetic, while also seeing "the other side of the issue" logically. Nothing is ever really cut and dry in that sense.

I love their banter over drinks (especially Beau’s inner monologue) and my dear Beau - you against Cassie, Jenny, and I? You don’t stand a chance at winning, even if you pack a lunch!

Ahaha I love that! Beau vs. 3 women? I doubt he ever had much of a chance, but he conceded gracefully. 😂 (Just like Jenny did! She's not a petty person. She wants Beau to be happy as well.)

It was all going so well, then that twist! So help me, I wanted to pull out the water bottle and squirt you with it for being bad like a cat, but now I’m dying to see what happens next!

*hisses playfully* Lmaooo! You know me and my cliffhangers. 😏 Trust me, you'll find out on Sunday. 💗

Sounds like there’s fixing to be a fight between the 5-Os and the Smokeaters, and this time, I’m rooting for the Hot Fuzz!

Again, this had me rolling. 🤣🤣 5-Os vs. the Smoke Eaters indeed!

Thank you so much again for letting me know what you thought of this chapter. This had me grinning from ear to ear!

Take Me Home - Part 4

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: You are another lost soul at Sunny Day Excursions. You’re aiming to settle in Helena, Montana, where Beau Arlen is the new sheriff in town. But you’ve both got a past you’re running from. 

AN: Ready for a riding lesson? 😏

Song Inspo: “Sunshine on My Shoulders” by John Denver

Word Count: 6K

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, and a cliffhanger...

❤️ Series Masterlist

Part 4: A Past & Future Thing

You gasped and gripped even tighter with your thighs. With almost everything you had.

You were still far too unsteady for comfort on this damn horse. The poor animal whinnied, tossing his head back with a huff. Unfortunately, that just made you tense up even more as you held onto his neck. 

Beau tried not to laugh. You looked like a cat clinging to the edge of a bath.

“Okay, you needa relax a little,” he said. “He ain’t gonna buck you, long as you don’t give him a reason to.”

You shot him a narrowed look. He was sitting all calm and natural on his own horse, a chestnut brown beauty of a stud. Apparently, his name was Clyde. You were riding his brother Dale, who was supposed to be the older, gentler of the two.

Beau was right next to you, since he was the one holding the reins. You two were still just a little way off from the stable as he guided your horse with his, letting you just get a feel for the ride.

“I’m sure you’ve heard that animals can sense our vibes,” he said, giving you a look that tipped his Stetson forward. “So if you just take a few deep breaths, I promise you, it’ll get easier.”

You met Beau’s gaze. You didn’t know if it was the smooth, steady tone of his voice or the sincerity in his eyes, but you did as he advised. You made the effort of exhaling slowly, and you began to relax.

“Okay,” he nodded with a smile. Then he gestured ahead. “Now, look forward for me. Try not to look at his hooves, though I know they’re pretty.”

He teased a smile out of you as you did what he said, casting your gaze up ahead to the horizon. It was a beautiful day. A wide expanse of terrain laid out ahead of you, with green grass mottled with some brown, and a weather-beaten trail clearly carved by horses and lessons given.  

“And like I told you,” he added, “Try not to squeeze so hard with your legs, or he’ll think you’re rarin’ to go.” 

You blushed, and relaxed your thighs enough so you were just supporting yourself on the horse, not giving yourself a leg cramp. 

“Okay, I think you’re ready for me to let go. Wanna keep going on your own?” Beau suggested. 

You were wary, but you tentatively nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

“Are you sure?” Beau asked. Again, his eyes met yours. “I’ll keep guiding you the whole way if you want. Either way, I’ve gotcha.”

You swallowed down a bit of nerves. “Yeah?”

He smiled, and you noticed how it crinkled the corners of his eyes.

“Trust me,” he said. “You’re not gonna fall on my watch.”

Warmth coiled its way around your heart. You let out another deep breath, and you agreed to have him hand over the reins to you. You were nervous at first, but Beau reminded you of how to guide Dale with subtle movements.

The old horse plodded forward without incident. When you gave Beau a triumphant look, that answering grin of his warmed you down to your toes. The two of you rode together more as companions while making your way across the grassy plain.

“So of all the things, why’d you wanna learn to ride a horse?” Beau asked.

“Because it terrified me,” you replied honestly. “I love animals, don’t get me wrong. Riding one though? They’re unpredictable…but I’m also tired of being afraid of what I can’t control.”

Beau nodded. He could certainly understand that.

Together, you traveled up a roaming hill. Once you reached the peak, you marveled at the view. The afternoon sun was bright and golden above the mountains and the distant line of trees.

Meanwhile, Beau glanced at you. You’d gotten more confident and comfortable in what you were doing, and it was endearing to see. You were cute, he could admit. Beautiful, as a matter of fact. You had the sun shining in your eyes, and on your hair getting tousled by the chilly breeze.

You also seemed to have a kind heart. He’d seen it in just how hard your friend’s death had hit you. He saw it again when he helped you move into your apartment. He saw the joy you took in cooking dinner for all of them after a long-ass day, even though you could’ve just ordered a pizza.

It was the little things, he thought, and the more he saw of you, the more he liked.

That thought also made his heart twinge, and not in a good way. Carla reared up in the back of his mind. He wasn’t sure if it was more with annoyance or guilt at this point, but she’d moved on a hell of a long time before he had anyway. (Beau could admit that point, just to himself.)

It just made him wonder what he was doing here with you. Was it just because he knew you were having a hard time, and he wanted to cheer you up? Was it because you were Denise’s family? Or was it because…he just wanted to see more of you?

“You don’t get this view in the city, huh?” Beau asked. 

“You do not,” you replied. Your smile grew, making his do the same without him realizing.

Inside though, he wanted to shake his head at himself. You were a bit younger than him. Maybe not by all that much, in the grand scheme of things, but he was in his mid-forties, divorced with a sixteen-year-old daughter, and a somewhat unpredictable, occasionally dangerous job. At this point, he wouldn’t exactly consider himself a catch.

You were also dealing with a complicated past of your own. You’d been through a lot, especially in the past couple of weeks.

And yet, Cassie’s probing questions circled through his mind, invading his thoughts every time he found himself looking your way. 

Your face slowly dimmed. “Next week is Mary’s funeral. I’m going back home for a few days.”

Beau processed that with a nod, but he could guess why you looked worried. 

“And your ex?” he asked.

“He’s going to be there for sure. We were all close.” A deep breath rushed out of you. You peeled your eyes away from the view and looked over at him. “God help me, I don’t want to go home…does that make me a bad person?”

“Nah, I get it,” he said. He regarded you with more weight in his gaze. “But this guy. Is he the aggressive type?”

“No,” you assured. Then more wryly, “He’s only dangerous to my mental health.”

You contemplated that reality for a moment, and you shook your head.

“You know how I found out about what he was doing?” you asked. “He sent me a Happy Birthday text…a spicy one, you could say. But it wasn’t my birthday.” 

“Damn,” Beau said, grimacing in sympathy. 

You tried not to, but you began tearing up. Beau wanted to brush them from your cheek as he drew closer on his horse. Instead, he settled a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” he said, quiet and placating. “I’m thinking you’ve cried enough over this.”

“I just…I still feel so damn stupid,” you muttered, wiping under your eyes.  

“What, are you a Professor of Cheatin’ Bastards too?” Beau quipped. You smiled reluctantly.

“That’s not funny,” you complained. 

He flashed you a grin and allowed himself to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear when a breeze of wind blew it into your face.

“Come on. You know I’m funny,” he teased, but then, he became more serious. “It’s not your fault. Trust me, I know something about being the problem, and it’s not on you.”

Both your interest and concern were piqued.

“You and Carla?” you asked. “You’re telling me it was all on you?”

“Well, maybe not all. But like you, my ex-wife ain’t a fool,” Beau said. His eyes lowered, along with his hand from your arm. “Let’s just say, it was justified.”

Let’s just say, you contemplated. That seemed to be his favorite catchphrase.

You didn’t know if you altogether believed that. He was going to grief counseling for a reason. You wanted to ask why, more than anything, but you also didn’t want to press him on something if he didn’t want to talk about it. If he felt comfortable enough with you, someday, maybe he’d open up to you. 

So after a few minutes of savoring the view, and the moment, you returned to town together.

A few days later, Beau still had a bad feeling about Avery.

His company was being investigated by the SEC and was threatening to go under. Apparently, Avery had made “friends” with Luke on the trip, who according to Avery, let it slip that he and Paige had $15 million in cryptocurrency.

The passcode to that $15 million account was missing. Beau had more than half a mind to think Avery had made a play for it during that camping trip. Carla hadn’t known her new husband’s company was being investigated. She’d put her foot down with Avery about the lying, at least.

As a result, Beau’s only consolation in all this was that she and Emily were back in their house, while Avery was living out of a hotel in town. Beau might not be able to pin him for the stolen crypto right now, but he knew where to look for Avery when the evidence came.

The man was #1 on Beau’s punch list, and it was only getting longer.

Instead of letting those thoughts fester, he decided to actually take his lunch break, and go check in on his daughter. Denise and Cassie told him she was doing well as their summer intern.

Emily seemed to be enjoying her time helping the private investigators. She showed him her small workstation beside Denise’s desk, where she was organizing old and new files, inputting the hard copies into digital ones on Cassie’s spare laptop. Emily was also helping out with some database research on existing cases.

Satisfied that she was helping out, but wasn’t doing anything too close to actual police work, Beau took the opportunity to lean over to Denise and discreetly ask about you.

Namely, how you were doing, and if you’d called her from Chicago. He managed to hold himself from asking when you were coming back to Montana, at least.

Denise still gave him a certain smile.

“Yeah, she called yesterday. She’s coming back today actually,” she replied. “I’m planning to pick her up in a few hours.”

Beau’s lips twitched at a smile, and he nodded. “Good. That’s uh…that’s good. Tell her I said ‘welcome home.’”

Denise and Cassie shared a look, one that drew even Emily’s attention. She shot her dad a glance and noted the dumb smile on his face. One that he tucked away when he met Emily’s gaze.

“Anyway, looks like you’re doing all right here. You’re coming to stay with me tomorrow, right?” he asked her.

“Yeah, sure,” Emily agreed.

“Okay, kiddo. See ya then,” Beau said. He gave her a hug and kiss to the side of the head. Though she gave him a hug back, she watched with a bit of suspicion after he said goodbye to Cassie and Denise, strolling out the door like he was making some kind of escape.

The adults again shared a look of mutual understanding. Then Cassie smiled and grabbed her work bag.

“All right. I’ll be back in a bit. Need to check on a few leads,” she said.

After Emily and Denise waved her off, the latter made some tea and returned with a mug each for her and Emily. Denise reclaimed the seat behind her desk, but she turned towards the girl beside her.

“So, hun, how’re you doing?” Denise asked. “I mean, I know you’ve gone through a lot these past couple weeks, and we’re happy to give you a little distraction here. But are you okay?”

Emily bit her lip and turned her rolling chair towards Denise. She had to take some time with her answer. Ever since coming back from that camp, she didn’t know if she’d really answered that question honestly—not for her mom, or her dad.

“Well, on one hand, Mom kicked Avery out. Or, I guess he kicked himself out,” she said. “On the other hand, my mom and dad are getting along better than they have since before the divorce, so…there’s that.”

Emily rested her elbow on the desk in front of her, head in hand. Denise gave her a sympathetic half-smile.

“I don’t hate Avery,” Emily admitted. “I actually like him a lot. He made Mom happy again. But would it be nice if she and my dad…if we could be a family again? I mean, yeah.”

Denise was patient as she listened. She tried to keep her true thoughts on the matter inside as you came to mind, though she pushed all that into the background in order to give Emily her undivided attention. 

“At the same time, I don’t know,” Emily shrugged. “My dad’s a great person, but he’s not good at letting people in. I don’t think Mom could go through that again.”

“Go through what?” Denise asked. 

“The way my dad shut us out, after what happened to his partner,” Emily explained. Her face went from slightly sad, to wry. “Okay, yeah, my mom’s not the most patient person. But Dad still doesn’t talk about it, not even to Mom. Or to me.”

Denise had heard some small thing about Beau’s former partner from you, and even Jenny, but she didn’t know the specifics there. All she knew was it laid at the heart of Beau and Carla’s divorce.

“Well, he’s your dad,” Denise said with a sigh. “He wants to protect you, even if that means protecting you from himself.”

“Sure, okay, but he doesn’t have to though. Not all the time,” Emily said.

She could be a strong, even-keeled kid, mature for her age, but Denise saw the rare vulnerability in the girl’s eyes.

“Sometimes I wish he’d just talk to me,” Emily said. Her eyes fell away.

Denise’s heart broke for the girl. Not knowing what else to say, she scooched her chair forward and pulled Emily into a warm hug.

By the time Denise picked you up from the airport and dropped you off at your apartment, you were beyond exhaustion. Coming home from a week in your hometown in Chicago left you feeling drained. Physically, emotionally, down to your toes.

At least you were home.

It was a surprising feeling—the feeling that this was your home now. Already it felt real.

Seeing your ex will do that to you.

“So how was it?” Denise asked. She’d graciously made you dinner as well, so you didn’t have to cook or worry about eating out. You two sat on the couch in your living room while some romcom played in the background.

“Everything I thought it would be,” you replied, around a mouthful of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. You let out a heavy sigh.

It had been good to see your parents, you explained, and you’d finally been able to give your condolences to Mary’s parents in person—at the funeral.

That’s where Michael tried to corner you to hash out what would’ve been yet another argument, at the burial of all things. You had to restrain yourself from making a scene in front of Mary’s entire grieving family, as well as yours.

Denise shook her head. “That guy ain’t got an iota of shame.”

You snorted. “You’re telling me?!”

You shook your head and speared at your green beans with your fork. You couldn’t even mourn your friend in peace, for God’s sake.

“Did your parents try to get you to stay longer?” she asked.

Again, you scoffed. “Oh, yeah. They actually tried to use Mary’s death to get me to think Helena was more dangerous than Chicago.”

While you’d understood their point to an extent, your home city still maintained one of the worst crime rates in the U.S.

“Still think you made the right decision?” Denise asked. “Whatever’s in your heart about it, just know that I’m so happy to have you here.”

She took your free hand and squeezed. You managed to smile, if just a little.

“Yeah. I think so,” you replied.

Chicago would always have a place in your heart, but for better or worse, this was your new start. And you were taking it.

You woke up the next morning to a shiny new text message. Still bleary-eyed, you unlocked your phone, and you just had to smile.

It was from Beau Arlen, you were pleasantly surprised to find.

Hey there. Heard you were back in town. (Welcome home, by the way.) Just wanted to let you know that me, Cassie, and Jenny are hitting a bar tonight after shift. You’re welcome to join in. Say around 8?

Without even really thinking about it, you typed out your reply:

Sure! I’ll be there. (And thanks very much. It’s nice to know the county sheriff rolls out the welcome mat for all of Helena’s returning citizens.)

You got up and started your day. You were midway through brushing your teeth when your phone buzzed on the bathroom counter. Your lips curved into a smirk when you read Beau’s reply.

Sounds good. (And I’m happy to oblige. 😉)

You shouldn’t have been blushing at such a simple message, but it set off the butterflies regardless. You huffed and set down your toothbrush.

Damn it.

You were in trouble.

With such a nice start to your morning, you were smiling all the way into town. The place you were headed to was just down the street of Dewell & Hoyt, so you knew you had to stop in just to say hello. There you found Denise and Emily.

“Did you have a good trip?” Emily asked, after you let her go from a hug. You gave your aunt one next.

“It was…good,” you replied, with a sigh. “Mary’s at rest now.”

Your eyes stung at the thought, but you tried to blink past it, taking in a breath to steady yourself. While Denise rubbed your back, Emily squeezed your arm in comfort, leading you to give her a smile. She was a sweet girl.

“What brings you over?” Denise asked.

You shook your head to come back to yourself. You showed them the large bag you carried on your shoulder. It was full of your painting supplies.

“Well, I’m actually headed to an art studio just down the street. I looked up the lessons they were offering this week, and apparently today it’s painting on glass. Like a bowl, or a mug, or a little stained glass window. They’ve got different options.”

Emily looked intrigued. “Ooh, that sounds cool.”

“Yeah?” you said, raising a brow. “You’re welcome to come with me if you want. Unless my aunt can’t spare you, or you’d rather not. It’s fine.”

There was no pressure to your offer, but you remembered Emily being somewhat interested in your painting endeavors while on the camping trip. With everything the girl had been going through, you thought maybe she’d like something creative and fun to try to get her mind off things. You knew it was doing the same for you.

“No, that would be fun, I guess,” said Emily. She looked to Denise in askance, who waved a dismissive hand. 

“It’s okay, hun. Take the afternoon off,” she said. “I’ve got things here.”

Emily smiled and nodded.

“Okay. Let me just grab my stuff.”

You and Emily ventured together right down the street to the art studio. You paid for the $40 entrance fee each for you and Emily into the class.

You could see that she felt uncomfortable with that when you two took your seats near the back of the studio. It was pretty full, and neither of you wanted to be right at the front, preferring to hang out more chill-like in the back.

There at each long table was an easel each, after you chose what kind of glass you wanted to paint on. Emily chose a funky looking bowl, while you chose a rectangular piece of wood-framed glass.

“I’ll pay you back,” Emily said, once you two were comfortable in your respective seats. You waved her off.

“It’s okay, honey. I invited you,” you said. Then you gave her a conspiring look. “Here’s my rule of thumb, especially on dates, for example. The person who invites you should shell out.”

Emily smiled. “That makes sense to me.”

You saw the gears in her mind turning, and it reminded you of her little “summer project.” She’d told you about it a couple of times on that camping trip.

“How’s your podcast going?” you asked. The girl sighed; she chose a brush and started painting blue stripes across her glass bowl.

“Slow,” she admitted. “I’m lacking interesting subjects.”

You hummed at that. “Maybe you need a guest to help kick things off.”

Emily smiled at that. She turned to you with a gleam of excitement.

“Would you do it?” she asked.

Your mouth fell open in surprise. “Me? I think I’d be too boring. Isn’t your podcast about relationships?”

“Well, yeah, but that was a good bit you just had,” she said. “Who pays on a date?”

You thought about it with another hum of contemplation. Suddenly you could start to see the potential in her idea. You still didn’t want to be a subject of inquiry, but you didn’t want to dim her spark either.

“Well, it would be fun if you got a man’s perspective too,” you said.

Emily brightened. Finally, someone who cared about her side project. 

“What about Dad?” she said. “He’s a guy.”

You chuckled. “Well, yes.” 

Though you wondered about the last time he’d been on a date since his divorce, or if he even was dating right now. 

The more you thought about it, the more interesting it might be to see Beau answer some of those kinds of questions. It wasn’t at all because you were curious about the man yourself…

“Maybe you’re onto something there,” you said, a smile growing on your face.

“I’ll ask him,” Emily vowed. “Maybe he’ll actually open up for once.”

She sort of muttered that last bit. It caught your attention with a wry brow raise.

“What? Your dad is as chatty as they come,” you said. Emily rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, about dumb stuff,” she said. “Try to get anything serious out of him. He’s like an old clam.”

A snort of laughter escaped you. “Old clam. That’s nice.”

Though you saw that there was something deeper there for Emily. You’d seen these kinds of moments in some of your students before. Sometimes, they felt comfortable enough with you to share what they were going through at home. In Emily’s case, it seemed like she was hurting about something, maybe for a while now.

You continued painting on your glass project, but you offered her a look of understanding.

“Remember how I told you that my dad used to be a firefighter?” you said. Emily nodded.

“Well, your dad sounds a bit like mine. He’d rather consult a bottle of Jack Daniels than anyone else, really,” you confessed. “He saw a lot of things on the job that were hard. Too hard to explain. Possibly too hard to even work through. It made him…distant, when I was a kid. I don’t think we really connected until I got older.”

And even now, your relationship with him was rocky at best, after he’d suggested you try to work it out with Michael. You and your father hadn’t truly spoken ever since.

You still gave Emily a look of encouragement.

“But, it seems like you and your dad have a better relationship than I did with mine at your age,” you said.

That fell between you both while Emily ruminated in it. She started adding gold strokes to her bowl alongside the blue in swirling patterns, and it was a really nice touch, you told her. She thanked you with a little smile.

“Did my dad tell you that he lost his partner on the job?” she asked.

You sighed. “Yes, he told me some. We didn’t go too deep into it.”

“Well, for a whole year, it was like we barely existed,” she said. “Mom tried to help him. I tried…but I guess he was a lot like your dad.”

Your lips pressed together. You were sad to hear that, but it did remind you of what Beau told you that day, when he took you horseback riding.

“Well, maybe not all. But like you, my ex-wife ain’t a fool,” Beau had said. “Let’s just say, it was justified.”

You now nodded in understanding as you hummed. Let’s just say.

“He seems better now,” you remarked. 

“Yeah. He cleaned up when Mom left him,” Emily said. “I guess that’s what it took to snap him out of it.”

You shook your head, and you kept painting.  

You could understand Carla, all too well. It just hurt you, now that you knew what a good man Beau was. Your sympathetic heart said he didn’t deserve to get left behind when he needed his family the most.

However, the more logical part of you knew that sometimes, love just wasn’t enough to keep you tied to someone who didn’t seem to want to help themselves. When it felt like they were giving you no choice.

“Anyway, you’ll be my other guest, right?” Emily asked with a smile. “For the podcast.”

You barely resisted the urge to groan. As much as you preferred not to put yourself out there, you didn’t want to discourage the girl in her project.

“Well…okay. If you get your dad on, I’m sure it’ll be interesting,” you said, your lips forming a grin. You two continued to paint while chatting about Emily’s favorite subjects in school. English, sadly, was not one of them, but you weren’t offended by it. Shakespeare wasn’t for everyone.

“I’m actually meeting your dad for drinks tonight. If you want, I’ll ask him about being on the podcast, try to soften him up for you,” you offered. “Though I’m sure he’ll do it if you asked.”

Emily considered you with a bit more scrutiny. “Are you…seeing my dad?”

“Oh, no,” you said immediately. Just the suggestion had your cheeks warming. “Cassie and Jenny will be there too. It’s nothing like that.”

“Sure,” Emily said. She gave an awkward laugh. 

“Really, Em. He and I are just friends,” you promised. 

Even if that thought stung a little.

Despite what you told Emily, you did put a fair amount of effort into your appearance to meet your new friends that night for drinks.

You even put on your favorite red lipstick with some dark wash jeans, a black pair of ankle boots, and a black lace top to match, complete with off-the-shoulder sleeves. 

Cassie whistled lowly when she saw you walk into the bar from her seat in one of the booths. She smiled and nudged Beau, whose face slackened when he saw you. 

God help him, you were sexy as hell in black. 

Black lace, he corrected himself. Your hair was a bit wild and teased out. The flash of red was a pleasant surprise, momentarily drawing his eyes to your lips. He felt the back of his neck heat up, but he tried to hide it all behind a friendly smile. He found himself sliding out of the booth to hug you in greeting. 

Goddamn, she smells good too, he thought. Was that your perfume, or your shampoo? Whatever it was, he liked it more than was good for him.

He managed to let you go though, and he grinned at your somewhat shy smile. You moved on to greet Cassie next, then Jenny, before you slid into the booth next to her and across from Beau and Cassie. 

“How was Chicago?” Jenny asked. It brought the mood down some. You gave a true smile, however tinged with melancholy. It was still very difficult to talk about Mary, but since everyone at the table knew the full story, it was easier to be honest.

“Chicago was needed. It was good, in a way. I got to lay her to rest,” you replied. “But I’m glad to be back.”

“Glad to have you back,” Cassie said. She passed you a tequila shot. 

“Ooh, nice.” You weren’t usually one for hard liquor, but tonight, you thought you could let yourself go a little. You downed the shot in one. 

“Eyy, good job,” Beau said, raising his whiskey with a wink. You laughed in slight embarrassment and wiped the corner of your mouth.

While Cassie called over the closest server to get them started with some appetizers for the table, you turned to Beau.

“You know, I did a painting class with Emily today,” you told him. “She did great! Has a nice little bowl to put her jewelry in.”

He raised his brows, smiling. “Is that so? What do you know. My little girl’s a budding artist. Is she gonna go all broody and steal even more of my vinyl?”

You shook your head in amusement.

“She’s a teenager. They don’t need any excuses to be broody,” Jenny remarked.

“Fair enough,” Beau chuckled.  

“Actually, she asked me to be on her podcast,” you said. “She wanted to see if you’d join in for a segment.”

The man looked uncertain at that. You understood his reservations, because you had the same ones. Cassie and Jenny looked amused by the idea of him getting recorded and put on social media by his sixteen-year-old.

“Look, I know, but she just wants to ask us a few questions,” you said. “Like who should pay on a date, that sort of thing.”

Beau rested his elbows on the table and folded his hands. The humor in his green eyes shone under the soft gold lamplight.

“Well, that’s easy. I was raised to be a gentleman,” he said. “I wouldn’t feel right letting a woman pay for me.”

You tilted your head in interest. A smile started to play on your lips as you leaned forward on your folded arms.

“Huh. Well, I think whoever asks the person out should pay,” you posed. “That doesn’t necessarily mean the man pays every time.”

Beau’s lips twitched, but there was a subtle shake of his head.

“I don’t know. That just doesn’t sit right with me for some reason,” he said. 

You turned to Jenny and Cassie for some support, and they both gave Beau an unimpressed look.

“You mean to tell me you wouldn’t let me pay for my own drinks?” you asked. “I have a job. I make money, same as you.”

At that, Beau chuckled. “Hey now, I didn’t say you couldn’t pay for your own. But you’re certainly not paying for mine.”

“So in your world, I can’t ever treat my man if I want to?” you challenged.

“What, you mean to tell me you don’t like getting spoiled?” Beau countered.

When you smiled, it had an amused, almost flirtatious edge that began to make him hot under the collar. 

“Occasionally, sure I do,” you replied. “But then again, who doesn’t like getting spoiled now and again?”

“Doesn’t have to be about who pays either,” Cassie interjected. 

“It sure doesn’t,” Jenny agreed. The women laughed and clinked their drinks together, leaving Beau with a warming face under his beard. He once again chuckled, conceding defeat. 

Conversation spiraled from there, in which Jenny mentioned something about her and Beau’s latest finished case about Brett, a skydiving, former firefighter’s murder.

It was a coverup for a larger scheme within his old firehouse—where firefighters had been looting homes after they’d been cleared out of a fire. Brett’s friend had been killed on one of those jobs, and not by accident either.

“That’s awful,” you said with a frown, once she finished explaining.

Against your will, it made you think of your ex-fiancé, Michael. He was still an active firefighter. While he had been a shitty boyfriend, at the very least you’d never had reason to question his integrity as a first responder.

“Yeah, it was hard on the father too. He’s the unit chief, and the whole operation was happening on his watch,” Beau said. “One of his own firefighters killed his son. It’s damn near unthinkable.”

Beau’s mood had shifted the moment Jenny brought up this case, you noticed. He was staring mostly into his half-empty whiskey glass, as if contemplating a refill.

“We said we wouldn’t talk shop tonight,” Cassie said. She seemed to notice his downshift as well. She got up out of her seat in the booth. “Let me get the next round. Another tequila?”

“Sure,” you shrugged. You’d probably pace yourself this time.  

“Not for me, I’m good with this,” Beau said. 

He held that whiskey between his hands, and you were glad that he was going slow. Your conversation with Emily about his own bout with grief and loss was still fresh in your mind. While your heart broke for him, you were also a little worried for him. Had this latest case opened up some old wounds?

“I’ll go with you,” Jenny said. You slid out of the booth so Jenny could as well. It left you and Beau to talk, while Jenny and Cassie went up to the bar together.

Cassie tried to get the bartender’s attention, but she glanced at her friend out of the corner of her eye.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Fine. Why?” Jenny replied. But she wasn’t meeting Cassie’s gaze. She was watching you and Beau, almost in melancholy.

Cassie’s brows furrowed as she realized what was happening. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed it before, considering both of their professions. 

“Aw, Jenny…” Cassie breathed. She wondered just how long her friend had been harboring some feelings for Beau Arlen.

Knowing she was “caught,” Jenny gave a wry smile.

“Don’t. It’s not a big deal,” she said quietly. “He likes her.”

Cassie sighed. “I think so. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet.”

“He deserves something good,” Jenny said. Her smile was a bit more genuine this time. Cassie nodded in agreement.

“So does she, after what she’s gone through.”

“So how are you doing?” you asked Beau. It was the first time you’d been alone with this man since that horse riding lesson last week, and part of you was feeling a bit nervous.

Just friends, like you told Emily. You had to remind yourself. Just friends…until evidence points to the contrary.

At your question, Beau heaved a sigh, running a hand over his face. Suddenly he looked more tired than he did before. The laugh lines around his eyes looked more like the telltale signs of stress.

“Well, first off, we found the missing backpacker,” he said. “It seems the poor young man fell down a cliff while hiking.”

Your brows furrowed and you covered your mouth with a hand. “Oh my God.”

Beau nodded in grim confirmation. His gaze met yours.

“But I also wanted to tell you this in person when you got back. I’ve also got a silver lining on our mountain man, Walter,” he continued. “He confessed to murdering Paige. He’s keeping tight-lipped about Mary and Luke, but we’ve got him dead set to rights on at least one of the murders.”

You processed that with a shaky breath. Then you nodded.

“We’re gonna keep working on him from every angle, I promise,” Beau said. Just like he’d promised you before—that he would get justice for Mary. You believed him.

“Thank you,” you said. Your gaze softened, and you contemplated laying your hand over his on the table. You just barely stopped yourself.

Instead, you cleared your throat and swiped some of your hair over your shoulder.

“Any other news, hot off the press?” you joked, trying to alleviate the heaviness in your heart. Beau quirked a smile. He leaned back in his seat and carded a hand through his hair.

“Ahh. Well…you know I’m investing my ex-wife’s husband,” he said drolly, sipping his whiskey. “And that’s going about as well as it sounds. I can’t get into the details of course…but he might be dealing in something shady.”

Your eyes widened. “Shady, or dangerous?”

Beau realized how he’d let that last bit slip out. He wished he hadn’t. Not only did he not want to worry you, but he didn’t want you anywhere near his open cases.

“I’m keeping close tabs on Carla and Emily just to be safe,” he admitted. 

Your face became the picture of concern. But before you could respond, a man approached the table, tall and lean, with a shaggy cut of dark blonde hair. He wore a pair of faded jeans, boots, and a gray and red Chicago FD shirt. 

Your face paled, and your mouth parted in surprise. 

“Hey there, stranger,” he said with a smile. 

“Michael?” you gasped.

AN: 🫣 Yep, we're going there lol. But how did you like the horseback riding lesson? Or her little day out with Emily? Or the bit of fun at the bar, before Michael showed up?

You'll definitely be seeing more of that guy in Part 5...

Next Time:

“Michael?” you gasped. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Beau’s eyes widened. Michael was younger than him, closer to your age. And cocky too.  

“Hey, baby,” Michael said. His smile quirked with charm, but his next words were anything but charming. 

“We need to talk,” he said, raising his brows.

“We actually don’t,” you retorted in a firmer voice. Cold even. You straightened in your seat. 

Beau saw none of your softness and good humor from earlier. This was a different woman, and he was actually proud of you for standing your ground. Though he realized then that he’d never gotten on your bad side. (He hoped he never did.)

Ko-Fi Me ☕

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[kurosukii]

𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐡

pairing: kuroo tetsurou x f!reader

summary: your best friend has been dying to know the guy you’ve been fooling around with since your twenty-first birthday; you wish you could tell her, but the mystery man is no other than her father.

genre: smut, age gap, best friend’s dad au

warnings: 18+. DILF KUROO. dubcon, manipulation, slight somnophilia, spanking, pussyjob, alcohol consumption, dumbification, hair pulling, virginity loss (...social construct), oral (f receiving), overstimulation, size kink, corruption kink, daddy kink, daddy issues, dirty talk, degradation, praise, unprotected sex, nipple play, creampie, cumplay, multiple orgasms, breeding kink, choking, spitting, mating press, clit spanks, begging, fingering, slight exhibitionism, finger sucking, tie kink(?? he makes you wear his tie so...)

word count: 5.2k

author’s note: for @sugawara-sweetheart’s decadence collab! thank you so much for letting me join! shoutout to @stopisa for that ✨lovely✨ dilf convo. (dilf kuroo AAAAAAAAAAAAAA) (let me know if i missed any warnings!) (MINORS DNI)

º thank you @meiansmistress and @ssrated1volleyballplayer for editing and beta reading <33

[12:24 PM]

“come on! you have to tell me who he is!”

you grip the handle of your spoon harder than normal, hoping your best friend doesn’t see your reaction.

you open your mouth to say something, but she cuts you off with a comment that makes shame and embarrassment burn through your body.

“you guys were really loud last night! well, you were. i didn’t hear so much as a peep from your man—well aside from the occasional murmurs, which i’m pretty sure was dirty talk…” she trails off, looking lost in thought.

you squirm and wince at the wet pool between your legs. the wet pool being cum that he told you to keep warm just before he left.

she sees your discomfort and laughs at your predicament, clearly thinking it was the aftermath of a hard night of fucking—it was, but she didn’t need to know about the sticky cum that was still inside your pussy.

“he clearly fucked your brains out! at least one of us is getting dick!” she exclaims, her lips forming into a pout as she takes her finished bowl of ramen to the sink and rinses it with water.

yeah, you are getting dick—not just anyone’s dick, however, because it’s her father’s.

your stomach churns at the thought, not from disgust, but from guilt and shame. you are way past getting disgusted with what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.

not when her father never fails to make you cum at least three times in one night, not when he calls you his good girl and cockslut, and certainly not when you called him over last night because you were so pent up and you needed your daddy’s cock.

last night…

“you’re such a cockslut,” kuroo growled, his balls slapping against your ass as he delivered a hard thrust that had you creaming and moaning all over his cock. you bunched the sheets in your hands, wincing with slight discomfort when he folded your body in half while he pounded relentlessly inside you.

“you should see how dumb you look with your eyes all crossed and teary while your tits are bouncing everywhere.”

you squealed when he roughly flipped you on your stomach, large hands grabbing your hips as he entered you once more. he lifted one hand and slapped your ass in sync with his thrusts.

“so drunk on my cock now, huh? can’t live without it, hm?” kuroo taunted you, one hand squeezing your hip while the other spanked your ass until it was burning with pain. you moaned words incoherently, tongue lolling out as drool seeped from the corners of your mouth.

“daddy! more, please!” you moaned loudly, toes curling from the pleasure.

“you’re brave for calling me over, knowing that only a thin wall is separating you from my daughter’s room,” he hissed, pounding your pussy from behind.

“but i guess that doesn’t matter to you anymore as long as i fill this dirty pussy with my. hot. cum—fuck!” he ended each word with a hard thrust, cursing when your tight cunt clamped down on him.

“faster, daddy! your cock’s filling up my pussy so well—oh my god!” you screamed, partly aware that you shouldn’t scream his name, for fear that your debauchery with your best friend’s father would be revealed too soon.

kuroo indulged you, teeth bared as he pushed your back into a deeper arch, making his cock reach places he hadn’t before. you winced when his large cock teased the entrance of your cervix. it was always a trip taking him—no matter how many times he fucked you, his cock always stretched your pussy wide open.

“w-wait, it h-hurts daddy!” you whined, moving forward to escape the brutal thrusts of his hips so you could adjust your position. he growled in disapproval, tightening his grip on your hips as he roughly pulled you back on his dick.

“take my cock. i know you can do it, whore.” he hissed, moving your body back and forth on his cock like you were a fuckdoll. you moaned from both pain and pleasure as kuroo guided your hips, fingers leaving bruises on your skin.

you cried out when kuroo tugged your hair from its roots, pulling your body upright until your back met his sweaty chest. “yeah that’s a good fucking pussy. come on slut, squeeze daddy’s cock,” he whispered in your ear, teeth biting your earlobe.

“d-daddy i can’t—i’m going to cum!” you squealed, voice cracking as your body started shaking from your fast approaching orgasm.

“i’m going to cum too, baby—and don’t you fucking dare waste my cum,” he growled, wrapping his arms around your body.

you fell forward on your shaking arms, sheets bunched tightly in your fingers as moans and whimpers freely fell from your lips.

“i want it to stay inside your dirty cunt until tomorrow,” he ordered you, reaching for your arms and holding your wrists in one hand, the other slapping your already swollen ass.

you cried out when your face was smothered by the sheets, drool staining the pillow as the headboard continuously thumped against the wall. your body shook with his thrusts, breasts swaying with the movement.

“i want you to look my daughter in the eye and have a normal conversation with her—just like you always do—while you’re thinking about how slutty you are with her father’s cum inside your pussy.”

that was last night. a couple hours ago, if you were to be specific, since kuroo fucked you until you passed out on your bed. you only woke up when your best friend practically broke the door down—bed empty of him, thank god—saying that she made lunch. she looked pretty disheveled herself and she blamed it on your headboard hitting the wall all throughout the night.

you buried your face into the pillow to cover your guilty expression, groaning at the movement because your body was aching all over. she laughed and left you to your own devices, still recovering from him.

he has a crazy appetite for a man his age, to be honest. he may be an older man but he fucks like a teenage boy who recently discovered sex and became hypnotized by the pleasure of it. you lost count of how many times your best friend—his daughter—almost caught you and him fucking around in the apartment, their house, and even his car.

it wasn’t always like this though. there was a time when you only saw him as a fatherly figure and not someone who regularly uses you as a cocksleeve.

maybe it was the way he looked so good with a five-o-clock shadow, or how even with salt and pepper hair, he still acted youthfully. perhaps it was his signature cocky grin that lured your younger and more impressionable self towards him.

in truth, it was your daddy issues that led you to him.

you met your best friend the summer after high school. you bonded quickly over your common interests and quickly learned that it was just her and her dad. she confided in you and told you how lonely he was and she hoped that he would meet a nice and loving woman to take care of him. you comforted her and reassured her that he would meet that woman. if you only knew.

you couldn’t help but admit to yourself how envious you were of her and her father’s relationship, seeing as the one with your own was non-existent. you couldn’t wait to meet him, hoping that he would treat you as his second daughter since your best friend was basically your sister.

she failed to tell you—because why would she?—that her father is an attractive and charming specimen of a man his age. his eyes would crinkle at the sides when he laughed and his feline eyes would always look at you with warmth and tenderness.

you sigh as you put your chin on your fist, the sounds of dishwashing and humming filling your ears as you play the events that eventually led to your risky love affair with her dad.

you really feel ashamed, but it wasn’t your fault that her dad is so good to you. from the moment you met him, he made you feel so loved and appreciated. it was obviously innocent and familial at first, until it turned to something darker, more carnal.

his glances gradually became lingering and he started giving you sly winks that left you burning with desire. you tried so hard to fight it too, but you were too weak against his sweet talk and honey voice.

it was a year or two later that he finally made a move on you.

you figured that with a job that caused him to be in constant public eye, he would avoid fooling around with girls that were decades younger than him, but even with the heavy implications of a scandal, it still didn’t stop him from devouring you.

it all started one night when he invited you guys over, claiming that he missed the both of you. your best friend told you to go first because she was going to be out for her tutoring session. you internally shivered at the thought of being alone with him, not knowing what was going to happen once you were confined in a small space.

the sexual tension was so thick when you arrived and next thing you knew, you had your back on the dining table, legs spread in the air, with his mouth sucking and slurping on your pussy. you came with a scream of his name, cumming so hard for the first time in your life that your body ended up convulsing.

he had laughed at how blissed out you looked. “you taste even better than what i imagined, baby. thanks for the meal,” he purred, winking at you and leaving you to process what happened, hand wiping off the juices from his face as he went back to cooking dinner.

his daughter finally showed up and your face burned the entire time, unable to look her in the eye because not only did her father make you cum minutes prior, but he also was a tease and had his fingers inside your panties while talking to her, fingers slowly tracing circles on your clit.

the topic of conversation was your living situation. he was never happy about how the two of you wanted to live alone together because he insisted that it was better if you guys lived with him. at first you thought it was him being overprotective, but you came to understand it was because he wanted easy access to you.

he ended up fucking your throat that night out of sheer frustration, punishing you for being a bad girl and wanting to be away from your daddy.

you partly hoped it was a one time thing, but you were proven wrong when you had a movie night and your best friend dozed off on the long couch housing the three of you.

kuroo was under your blanket and between your legs in an instant. your shorts hung off of one ankle while he pushed your panties to the side.

“daddy! we shouldn’t be doing this—fuck!” you moaned as his lips sucked your clit into his mouth, tongue lapping up your slick.

“guess you just have to be quiet then, kitten,” he teased you. you arched your back and bit your lip to muffle your scream when he inserted a finger in your dripping cunt while his lips played with your clit.

you had no idea how your best friend didn’t wake up to the sounds of your muffled moans and whimpers, but that thought went away when you started riding her father’s face and cumming all over his mouth.

you became needier after that, eventually losing the hesitancy of being pleasured by him. instead, you anticipated the times when he would make you cum.

the deal was sealed on the night of your twenty-first birthday.

night of your birthday…

“hey girl, the postman came and said this was for you!” your friend slurred, clearly having had too much to drink for just a small and intimate celebration for your twenty-first.

you’d been buzzing the whole day, both from the alcohol and anticipation of what was going to happen later. you woke up to numerous happy birthday texts until you came across the one you’ve been so excited to see. your cunt gushed when you saw your daddy’s text, letting out a little moan at what he said.

happy twenty-first, kitten. you better be wearing my gift when i come over because i’m going to fuck your little pussy tonight.

you sucked in a breath as your face flushed. you held the smooth black nondescript box that was elegantly wrapped with a crimson satin ribbon. you had a pretty solid guess of what was inside and your best friend had as well, because she wiggled her eyebrows and teased you. you sighed, like father, like daughter.

how you were still able to look her in the eye after everything you’ve done and what you’re going to do with her dad is beyond you. his mouth, tongue, fingers—soon to be his cock—truly hypnotized and consumed your conscience and only left neediness in its wake.

you ducked your head to hide the embarrassment on your face while the rest of your friends that came over jeered and whistled as you walked towards your room to leave the box on your bed for safekeeping.

you left it sitting in the center of the bed and went back to the living room to enjoy, skin tingling the whole time in anticipation for your daddy...

you closed the door after saying goodbye to the last group of people and turned to your best friend. “thank you for the lovely little get together,” you thanked her shyly.

“you’re welcome, darling, but i’m sure the main event is just about to happen. tone it down a little, yeah?” she smirked at you, eyes glinting with mischief as she giggled on the way to her room.

you sighed, the guilt that was momentarily forgotten reared its head once more when you were finally alone in your room. it went away again when you studied the gift kuroo gave, nimble fingers leaving light touches on the box settled on your lap as you untied the ribbon.

you rummaged through the white crepe paper until you saw pieces of red lace that were as red as the ribbon that tied the box. he always loved the color, so it wasn’t a surprise that the lingerie he gifted you was of the same shade. your fingers shook when you took them out in front of you. these can barely cover anything, you gulped.

you caught a tinge of gold in the corner of your eye and saw that there was a white card peeking out amongst the paper. the card was lined with gold embellishments and there was a short message printed in red.

kitten, wear these for me. - k.t.

and who are you to not follow daddy’s orders?

you placed the garments at your side and set the box on the floor. you began to undress, removing your cotton bra and panties which you threw on the floor, somehow landing inside the open box.

your naked body was exposed to the cool air and you shivered, head buzzing and eyes slightly drooping from the alcohol you consumed. you took the lace with delicate fingers and gasped upon inspection of the panties.

you were taken aback by the design because not only did it lack enough cloth to cover your entire lower region, but they were crotchless. your mouth dried at the obscenity, hazy mind playing images of kuroo rutting into you without having to remove anything.

that was most likely his intention after all. you slowly stood up from the bed and softly moaned at the slickness between your thighs, pussy clearly excited and aching for his dick. you slipped your legs through them and grabbed the matching bra. you moaned when you clipped it on, nipples hardening when the lacy pattern rubbed against them.

you might as well be wearing nothing with the way you barely felt the fabric against your sensitive skin. you yawned as you laid on your back, the numerous glasses of wine you drank finally caught up with you.

you tried to fight it, you really did. but you were fighting a losing battle with your eyes and besides, you were only going to close them for a bit. you’d wake up before your daddy comes over, right?

you ended up dozing off. you woke up with a moan, alcohol already flushed out of your body. you slightly squirmed as you felt something wet on your tits and a moving pressure in your pussy. you slowly opened your eyes and found a large body looming over you.

“do you know how long i’ve been waiting to fuck you?” kuroo asked, lips pulling away from your clothed nipple with a pop when he realized that you were finally awake.

“three fucking years. yet you had the audacity to be asleep when i arrived? i’m going to wreck your slutty pussy, whore,” he growled as he scissored his long fingers inside your pussy faster. you cried out in pleasure, hands reaching for his wrist as you tried to slow his movements.

“d-daddy, i’m sorry!” you cried as you arched your back. he just grunted and removed his wet fingers from your cunt. you whimpered at the loss because his fingers always felt so good when they moved inside of you. he stared you down instead, large hands loosening his red tie—you noticed that it matched the lingerie you were wearing—and promptly removed it.

he bit his lip as he reached down and made you wear it instead, cock twitching in his pants as he reveled at the sight of you wearing his gift, and in his favorite color no less. he unbuttoned his white dress shirt, muscles rippling from the movement.

even though he didn’t play volleyball all that much anymore, he still maintained his toned body. if it weren’t for his salt and pepper hair, you wouldn’t think he was decades older than you. not that it mattered, anyway.

“you look so sexy in red, kitten,” he whispered, the sound of his belt unbuckling mixing with your heavy breathing. you gulped when you saw that he wasn’t wearing any underwear, eyes widening at the sheer size of him. he stepped out of his pants and smirked when he saw your reaction.

“fuck, your pussy is so pretty. can’t believe i waited this long to fuck it,” he hissed as he spread your legs, your crotchless panties baring your pussy to his eyes, making them twitch under his scrutiny.

he groaned as he rubbed his hard cock on your slit between your folds. you moaned at the stimulation, thankful that he didn’t thrust inside immediately because that would’ve been more painful than pleasurable.

“i was e-eighteen when we first met, y-you could’ve fucked me—oh that feels good—any t-time you wanted to, why didn’t you?” you stuttered as you shivered from the pleasure his slick cock was giving you.

you planted your feet flat on the bed as you took hold of his cock and humped it with fervor, moaning at the slick sounds it made with your lower lips.

kuroo hissed at the increase in stimulation, warm hands grabbing the back of your thighs and folding your legs toward your chest as he thrusted faster between your folds. you moaned louder as you let go of his throbbing cock to bunch the sheets in your fingers.

“you know what they say, good things come to those who wait,” he grunted, hips thrusting faster, making your pussy wetter and slicker.

“besides, you were still a shy and innocent girl back then—until i corrupted you, obviously,” he teased you as he moved one hand to your mouth, inserting his fingers between your lips. you moaned as you sucked, slightly tasting yourself on his fingers.

“i don’t think you could’ve handled this big...fat...cock,” he grunted as he clenched his jaw from the pleasure.

“but now? now you’re my little whore who’s about to know what it feels like to get fucked by a man,” he growled, separating himself from your body. you whimpered, arms reaching out for him but he held your wrists in one hand and placed them above your head.

“you’re already dumb when i fuck you with my mouth and fingers...they’re nothing compared to my dick,” he said frankly, fingertips lightly teasing your puffy clit, aching from the lack of release from the continuous stimulation of his cock. he let go of your wrists and moved his hand to your thigh, fingers circling your skin.

“i-i don’t think your cock will f-fit daddy,” you said in a small voice, staring at his twitching cock.

“nonsense baby, i trained you to deepthroat me, remember?” he reminded you, memories of all the times you sucked his cock filling both your minds.

“i’m going to train this pussy as well. you’ll be begging me to never leave your cunt after i’m done with you,” he declared, positioning himself between your legs again.

“now hump my cock again, kitten. faster this time,” he ordered you, fitting his cock between your lower lips once more.

“yeah just like that—fuck,” he groaned when you ground your clit with more force on his shaft. you cried out at the movement, pussy gushing out more of your juices.

“you like that, hm? like how you’re making my cock wet with your slick?” he taunted you, fingers squeezing the skin of your thigh as he rutted his hips faster.

“can’t wait for me to—shit—bottom out in that tight cunt?” he growled, basking in the heat emanating from your pussy.

you moaned loudly, hips rolling as the knot in your lower stomach threatened to burst. your breasts were freely swaying with each movement your hips made. you threw your head back as your mouth fell open, uncaring of the volume of your cries and whimpers.

“i’m cumming, daddy!” you screamed, pussy clenching around nothing as you drenched your daddy’s cock with your cum. kuroo followed suit, groaning loudly when he released his cum all over your stomach, staining the front of your barely-there panties.

“such a dumb cockslut, you came by just humping my cock?” he teased you. your face warmed in embarrassment, hiding your face in the pillows. kuroo chuckled, honey eyes glinting in mischief. well, he came by just humping your pussy, so he was one to talk.

he spread your lower lips, puffy clit exposed to the air. you shivered at the chill but quickly yelped when he spanked your clit a few times.

“d-daddy!” you exclaimed but he just laughed at you. “just wanted to slap your clit, baby,” he chuckled, hand slapping it once more.

you tried to squirm away from his spanks but he held you in place. he held his throbbing cock with one hand and guided it back to your clenching hole. he rubbed the tip against your sensitive clit before inserting his cock in your pussy.

“t-too big daddy!” you cried out, tears forming in your eyes as his cockhead went past your tight muscle.

“shh baby, i know you can do it. you can take my cock, yeah that’s a good girl,” he cooed, palm flat against your stomach with his thumb rubbing the skin. you sucked in a breath as he slowly slipped his cock inside your virgin pussy inch by inch.

“i’m gonna fuck you so good with my fat cock that you won’t even care if my daughter catches us,” he growled when he bottomed out. you whimpered at the force of his sudden thrust and the implication of what he said. he only let you adjust to his large cock for a few moments before he started thrusting lazily.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he taunted you as his thrusts increased in speed and strength. you moaned louder, body shaking with the thrusting of his hips.

“n-no s-stop! she’s going to hear you!” you begged, voice cracking when he folded your body in half. he began pounding ruthlessly into your pussy, the slick sounds of skin meeting skin filling the air and making you lightheaded from the pleasure.

“so? i dare you to scream my name, slut. watch her bust that door down,” he mocked you, hands pushing your knees further up your chest. you whimpered at the stretch, the sounds of the headboard thumping against the shared wall only served to make you clench around your daddy’s cock.

“fuck—how do you think her face would look when she sees you taking my cock like a good little bitch?” he growled when he felt you squeeze his cock. he grunted as he thrusted faster, balls slapping against your ass.

“yeah just like that, you want me to cum inside you? fill this slutty pussy to the brim? fuck my cum so deep into your pussy that you’ll get pregnant?” kuroo groaned, throwing his head back as he felt his abdomen tighten, the signal that his orgasm was fast approaching.

you held your bouncing tits in your hands, his silk tie only adding to your pleasure as it rubbed against your sensitive skin. “n-no please!” you pleaded, tears falling from your eyes.

“you’re on the pill, aren’t you?” he asked, jaw clenching because he was stopping himself from cumming immediately. he wanted to spill all of his load in one go, after all.

“y-yes daddy b-but—!” you squealed, stinging pain blooming in your chest when kuroo pinched your nipple.

“then take my fucking cum, whore,” he demanded, cock throbbing because he was so ready to spill all of his hot cum.

“n-no daddy! please don’t cum inside me!” you screamed, eyes rolling to the back of your head and tongue lolling out as his cock hit your g-spot.

“shut up and take it,” he growled, hands squeezing your waist as his thrusts grew erratic.

he groaned loudly when he saw your fucked out face, thrusting so deep that his cock teased the entrance of your cervix. his hot cum spurting out of his cock as he filled your pussy.

“daddy you’re cumming so much—oh my god!” you screamed as you came with him, legs shaking from the intense fucking.

“your cum’s filling up my pussy, fuck and it feels so hot too!” you cried out, throat raw from the sounds that came out of your mouth ever since he came inside your room.

kuroo removed his hands from your waist—one hand snaking around your neck, applying slight pressure to the sides as he rode your pussy to prolong his orgasm.

his other hand moved to straighten your leg, rubbing your outer thigh while he cooed at you. “you like my cum, baby?” he asked softly, hips slowly rocking back and forth. you whimpered, your overstimulated pussy aching from his never-ending thrusts.

his movements caused his cum to overflow and seep out the sides of his cock. the mixed fluids fell out of your pussy, sliding down your ass and drenching the sheets beneath you.

“don’t be shy, baby. you can tell daddy if you like his cum,” he encouraged you, leaning down to kiss you languidly on the lips.

“i-i love your cum daddy,” you tell him in between kisses.

“that’s my good girl. happy birthday, my sweet kitten.”

you open your eyes when your best friend throws the damp towel to your face. “quit daydreaming about him! you were moaning ‘daddy! daddy!’ like he was actually fucking you!” she yells while crossing her arms across her chest.

you duck your head in shame. great, now i’m even messier and wetter down there, you grumble. you wince when you hear the squelching sound—dear god i hope she didn’t hear it—as you shift to face her properly while she walks over to you.

“so! tell me more about him, what’s his name?” she asks animatedly, chin resting on her fists as she sits beside you on the island. you swallow thickly, a lump suddenly weighing down in your throat. you inhale a deep breath before coming up with a half-assed lie on the spot.

“he’s a shy and private guy...i’m not telling you his name yet because...i really want you to meet him in person, you know...?” you already know him—you’re related to him! you scream in your head.

your palms feel sweaty as your nerves are on the verge of frying themselves. you bite your lip while you rub your thighs together, wincing immediately as you feel her dad’s cum drench your panties and shorts further.

“well, judging by your reaction right now and the sounds last night, he’s not really the shy type when it comes to bedroom activities,” your best friend pouts at your secrecy and then smirks, eyebrows wiggling.

your face burns in embarrassment and guilt, if only she knew she was talking about her dad.

“anyway, i’m going to the library right now, i’m so done with this paper,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“take care and have fun laz—dad! what’s up? what brings you here?” she squeals in delight when she sees him and jumps into her father’s arms while he kisses the top of her head.

your pussy quivers at the sight of your daddy, and when his eyes land on you, he winks deviously then places his daughter back on the floor.

“can’t i visit my favorite girls on my day off?” he says to her while looking at you. your best friend is clearly oblivious to the desire that was swimming in her father’s sharp eyes.

“well, i’m going to the library to finish my paper. you guys can hang out in the meantime, but don’t watch our show without me!” she says as she walks out the door and ends her sentence with a click.

kuroo locks the door and turns to you, eyes glinting like a predator. he picks your body up and sits on the chair, settling you on his lap and wrapping his long arms around your middle. his large hand cups your cheek and he kisses you, earning a moan from your mouth when his tongue massages yours.

you kiss for a while and then he pulls away from your lips. he grabs your chin firmly, fingers squeezing your cheek open as he spits inside your mouth. you moan while swallowing his spit, hands reaching for his stubbled face before kissing each other sloppily once more.

“you keeping my cum warm for me, kitten?” he asks, lips separating from yours to leave kisses and nips on your jaw. you moan and squirm on his lap as his other hand sneaks inside the waistband of your shorts and inserts two thick fingers in your messy and dripping cunt.

“such a good girl for daddy. you kept his promise,” he growls lowly, biting the skin of your neck and leaving a mark which he soothes with his warm tongue.

“i think my kitten deserves a reward, hm? would you like that?” he asks you, fingers curling inside your tight walls.

“y-yes daddy!” you whimper, grinding your hips on his lap. he smirks and removes his fingers from your cunt and stands up from the chair. you whine at the loss of stimulation and he shushes you with his finger—the one he had inside of you seconds ago.

“let’s go to your room, shall we? daddy missed his favorite girl.”

[1:14 PM]

[2jaeh]

Country Club | Kim Doyoung

Genre: smut , daddy

Warnings: dilf! Doyoung, uni! Reader, RichAU,

Praise kink!, public, just DY being a hot rich dad tbh.

WORD COUNT: 2,9K

Author! SIN

Your father invited a friend to join you for your Saturday morning golf game, the catch was his friend and you have a very dirty secret.

A/N: admin SIN here! Sorry I’ve been IA, I’ve had so many commissions and I’m still working on the freaks prequel and another Yuta fic (help), so here’s a little smutty DY fic while y’all wait !

TAGS: @infnteen 🖤 thanks for the cute msg!

——————————————————————————

It was a cool morning and the smell of the wet freshly cut grass signaled the first rain of spring. You were up in your room, taking a break from university, and you found yourself longing for the Mountain View’s of the country club.

Thankfully mom and dad were aching to host a spring party for their friends and you were able to tag along with them to your summer vacation home. It had been awhile since you’d been here, and the last time you set foot on these grounds you were almost in trouble.

Almost.

“Sweetheart dont you think the gardens look absolutely ravishing today” your mom marveled as you made your way downstairs in a white mini tennis skirt and a sky blue golf shirt.

“Absolutely mother” you smiled and placed kiss on her forehead before grabbing the pitcher of lemonade and poured yourself a glass. You stood in front of the clear glass sliding doors watching your father pace the lawn probably talking to a work friend on his phone.

“Mother I thought we were going to the golf course today, he’s not planning on working is he ?” You pouted, stuffing a blueberry muffin into your mouth.

“Your father will never miss a golf session dear” your mother chuckled, “just get your things together sweety your dad will be with you shortly.”

Sighing you downed the last of the lemonade and went to the shoe rack to find your white tennis shoes and asked one of the estates employees to load your golf bag into the golf cart.

Shortly after, your dad followed, a huge smile spread across his face as he noticed your cheeky pout obviously knowing what mood you were in.

“I’m sorry hun but work called, those varsity tuition isn’t going to pay itself now is it ?”

You rolled your eyes playfully and slipped into the golf carts driver seat and patted the seat next to you,

“Ok fine but I’m driving.”

The two of you made your way down the courtyard and into the country club’s entrance. The gravel road was covered by huge oak trees, placed strategically along the sides leading to the huge mansion at the end.

Your father directed you to the golf course and one of the gates men welcomed you in before all you saw in front of you was the bright green golf course.

“I’m feeling lucky today hun, I can feel it” your dad squeezed his fist while you let out a chuckle, “easy there Tiger Woods”

“Well I’m definitely going to beat Doyoung that’s for sure”

“Doyoung ?” Saying his name already brought you a flash of memories.

“Yeah you remember my work buddy Mr Kim right ? He’s here helping out with the party, he brought over his sons too” your dad spoke as you pulled up to the first hole.

“What about his....wife ?” You swallowed, as your mind raced back to last year’s Christmas lunch.

First and fur-most Kim Doyoung was the hottest dad at the country club. He was still quite young in comparison to the other fathers thanks to his choices of getting hitched way too early. Most people would describe him as helpful, responsible the kind of guy who genuinely helped out the people around him.

But you knew a very different side to him.

It was the evening of the lunch that you and a friend had snuck outside for a smoke, knowing your fathers would be tremendously upset with that action for their little girls. After your friend ran off to God knows where, Doyoung had emerged and the look on his face as he watched you drag in that cigarette was...something.

“You’re such a naughty girl y/n disobeying daddy like this” he said in a silky voice, taking the cigarette with his slender fingers and placing it to his own mouth.

You watched him in awe, pulling in that cigarette and exhale the smoke up into the sky like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Please don’t tell my dad Mr Kim” you had said in a high tone, surprising yourself at the hint of desperation in your voice.

“Don’t worry it will be our little secret love” Doyoung winked taking in another drag but this time he grabbed your chin and blew the smoke into your mouth. It felt intoxicating. But a sudden call from his wife had pulled you out of your fantasy and he disappeared, not seeing him since then.

Until now ofcourse.

“Oh your mother didn’t tell you ? Doyoung and Hani are divorced now, yeah she took off with some model and left him with the kids” your dad shrugged and greeted the caddy waiting on the course for him.

“Oh I see” you responded, placing a baseball cap on your head and watched your father tee off.

It wasn’t long until you heard another golf cart behind you as you began setting up your shot, wanting to look back desperately.

“Kim Doyoung” your father bellowed as you took your shot and turned around to meet your guests.

You noticed Doyoung had brought both his sons, Jeno a guy somewhat around your age and his little brother Jisung. It was quite surprising to see them outside when you knew they preferred to stay couped up in their bedrooms playing video games.

“Hey y/n, I didn’t know you’d be here too” Jeno shyly waved while Jisung inspected a golf club.

“Yeah I’m on spring break, so I decided to spend a bit of it here” you replied, moving a strand of your hair behind your ear.

Doyoung smiled at you innocently and held out his hand, “it’s good to have you back y/n” he said as you took his hand and nodded shyly. Doyoung returned to his conversation with your father and all you could do was stare at how gorgeous he looked today.

Dressed in white slacks, a navy blue polo shirt and black rimmed glasses, girls your age may not understand your desires but to you Doyoung was incredibly sexy to say the least.

He was well built too, his wide shoulders and small waist gave him a swimmer physique, it was all too tempting to know what he looked like underneath his attire.

“How about we mix the teams, you and y/n versus Jeno and I ?” Your dad suggested and Doyoung looked over at you briefly and smiled,

“You got yourself a deal, winner gets that Sauvignon Blanc you’ve been hoarding in your cellar” Doyoung chuckled and set up his ball for his shot.

You tried not to stare but God was it hard. You watched as his eyes narrowed on his target and his dark hair waved as he swung. Doyoung twisted his body posing as he watched his almost perfect swing lead his ball closer it’s target.

“Jeno get ya head in the game boy” your father grumbled as Jeno found himself lost in a game on his phone.

Jisung snickered as Jeno sighed and removed himself from his game to join the one he was supposed to be playing in reality. You could already tell that your competitive father immediately regretted his decision of swopping teams when Jeno’s swing only had the ball drop just a few feet away from him.

“I mean, that was a hit alright” You stifled a laughter.

“I’m not used to these golf clubs!” Jeno whined as his father tapped him on his shoulder, “A good player never blames the equipment son, y/n let’s head over to the hole shall we ?” Doyoung said jumping into his cart.

“Are we not waiting until we’re done ?” Your father grumbled still watching Jeno struggle with his form.

“Seems like we’ll be here all night if one team doesn’t get a move on” Doyoung pressed his lips together, hiding the smug smile that was beginning to form on his face,

“The caddy’s will make sure we’re not...cheating, let’s go win this y/n.”

You hugged your sulking father and hopped in the golf cart next to Doyoung, keeping your eyes on the path ahead of you.

From time to time you found yourself staring over at him, taking in that side profile as he casually maneuvered the vehicle over the greenery until you arrived at your destination.

“Shall we ?” Doyoung said, wetting his bottom lip with tongue and placed his cold hand on your exposed thigh.

You felt a shiver run down your spine, much like that night with the cigarette. You wanted more, you wanted to test just how far you could go.

And knowing that sneaking around in secret like this only made it more exciting.

“It’s going to be pretty easy to sink this” you pouted as you noticed your ball was just mere centimeters away from the first hole.

“You sound disappointed” Doyoung raised an eyebrow as he watched you set up your shot.

“We’re going to be quite far ahead of them”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing”

You looked up at Doyoung who causally waited aside, watching you line up your shot. He wasn’t going to say it just yet, but he was definitely enjoying the view.

Sucking in a deep breath you hit the ball, but missed the target completely and felt your cheeks heat up when Doyoung lightly chuckled.

“Your form is correct you just hit it way too hard, here let me help you”

Doyoung dropped his club and made his way over to you as you got into position for your shot. Your breathing hitched when he stood behind you, a hand placed around your waist and the other on top of yours on the golf club.

You could feel his warm breath on your neck as he pulled your hips against his, bending you slightly over to feel a little more of you.

Your eyes fluttered up to where the caddy was, nervous that he’d feel some type away about this interaction but he was too invested in his phone to care.

“He’s not going to say or do anything, trust me” Doyoung whispered into your ear as you felt his hand tighten around your waist and pull your ass even closer to his crotch.

“Like this ?” You pushed your ass up to grind up against him, satisfied when you heard a small moan escape his lips.

You hit the ball and watched it sink into the hole in satisfaction. Doyoung pulled away from your body and clapped at your victory,

“Well done love” he praised and it made you rub your thighs together. You don’t know why but hearing him praise you made you so wet, all you wanted to do was be his good girl.

Doyoung’s turn was next and he easily sunk in his shot and before you knew it you two were already on your way to the next hole.

This time in the drive Doyoung had one hand on your thigh, squeezing lightly as he drove through the course casually. Finally pulling up to the next hole, you immediately got into position to tee off,

“Am I doing it right ?” You pouted back at Doyoung who stood a distance as he downed a bottle of water.

“You got this love, hey I’ll tell you what” Doyoung ran his fingers through his hair and unbuttoned the first button of his Ralph Lauren polo shirt,

“If you get this in with Atleast three shots I’ll give you a reward.”

You swallowed hard, your mind buzzing with what the reward could be. Shaking your head that was filled with fantasies you took your shot, surprised that it was a pretty decent one at that.

“Well done love, you must really want that reward” Doyoung mused, his small praises driving you into a frenzy once again.

Doyoung quickly took yet another perfect shot and the two of you hopped in the cart headed for the final stretch of the play.

Again not wasting anytime you took your shot and managed to complete the round in just two shots, immediately turning to Doyoung and gave him a dashing smile.

“Wow love, you did beautifully” he praised, coming over to stroke your back and sent your thoughts into overdrive,

“Let me finish up here and we can sort that reward out” Doyoung’s voice was filled with mischief.

Just like he said Doyoung finished his round quite quickly and went over to the caddy whispering to him before heading back to you in the cart.

“What did you tell him ?” You asked as Doyoung started the ignition and began driving on a slightly different, more secluded path.

“Told him not to follow us, and just meet us at the next hole” Doyoung pressed his lips together and you watched his eyes search for a spot that was hidden from passerby’s.

Doyoung stopped the engine and jumped out of the cart, quickly pulling you out and leaned your back against the hood of the golf cart. His eyes were dark and a smirk grew on his face as his fingers brushed against your cheek, over your chest and eventually landed on your thigh.

“You love to praised y/n, I’ve taken notice of that” he hummed and his fingers separated your legs slightly as it moved higher up your skirt.

“I want you to know how good I am” you fluttered your lashes at him, leaning back into the hood and licked your lips.

“You think you’re good ?” Doyoung chuckled darkly as his finger grazed your soaked underwear, “I think you’re a bad girl y/n, just so fucking bad.”

You bit down on your lip as Doyoung pushed your underwear to the side and pushed his index finger into your core. You threw your head back as Doyoung slowly fingered you, bringing his mouth to you jaw and kissed you gently.

“But you know a promise is a promise and you deserve your reward” Doyoung responded by inserting two more fingers in you, quickly using his free hand to cover your mouth before you moaned.

“I’m good...daddy”

Doyoung’s ears perked at the nickname and responded by moving his fingers even faster, pushing his large frame into yours as you began chasing your orgasm.

Just as you were about to come undone Doyoung removed his fingers and wiped your wetness on your skirt before pulling you into a hot and sloppy kiss.

“If you think you’re a good girl, how about doing something about this huh” Doyoung growled into your ear and grabbed your hand, placing it over his hardened member.

You immediately slipped down to your knees and unbuckled his pants, waiting to please him. Doyoung freed his member and looked down as you took him into your mouth, making sure every inch of him entered before slowly sucking him off.

“Fuck...that feels so good, you’re doing so good my love” he sighed, throwing your cap aside and grabbed tufts of your hair as you sucked him off in the middle of the country club golf course.

Doyoung began thrusting into your mouth until you felt him hit the back of your throat and he came undone, feeling every bit of him slide down your throat.

Doyoung brought you up and swiped his thumb across your lips before inserting it into your mouth while you sucked on it gently.

“You’re right, you’re such a good girl” he praised and began rubbing his member in between your thighs as you felt him slowly grow hard once more.

“Do I get a reward again daddy ?” You placed your manicured hands on his chest and looked up at him with barely innocent eyes.

“Ofcourse, anything for you my love” Doyoung mused and spun you around, bending you over the golf cart and dropped your panties down to your knees.

Doyoung pushed his member into your core and slipped a hand in front between your legs to stimulate you while he fucked you senseless. He placed a hand over your mouth once more, the last thing he needed was your father or his own damn kids walking in on this.

But he wanted to feel as much of you as he could and removed the hand from your mouth and slipped it under your shirt, giving your breast a squeeze.

“Don’t you dare make a sound my love, or else I’ll stop” Doyoung grunted as he heard your soft whimpers in his ear.

Doyoung felt himself getting closer again and pulled out, leading you to the seats of the cart and propped you up on it and entered you again. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you felt him twitch inside of you. Grabbing onto the seats for support you nodded at him, signaling that you too were close and Doyoung sped up until you came all over his member and he pulled out waiting for your mouth to return to his tip.

“Take it all in again my love, you’re such a good girl” he groaned, biting down on his lips and your mouth wrapped around him once more and felt his liquid run down your throat for the second time that day.

You finally cleaned up and Doyoung neatened himself before texting the caddy that the two of you were on your way.

“What’s the next reward daddy ?” You raised your eyebrow at him as you watched a smug smile spread across his face as he drove,

“Well after this game is over and you get yourself cleaned up, how about meeting for another reward daddys room ?”

[serumandsteel]

the way we heal | jj maybank

- pairings: jj maybank x reader

- summary: people deal with trauma in different ways but it seems that jj thinks you don't care about the loss of your friends and deep down himself but he just needs to understand that people heal in their own time and through their own meanings, he just needed to be reassured of it. kinda pre season 2 ep 1 give ot take

- warning(s): really motherfucking angsty and swearing. mention of substance abuse

- wc: 2.2k :))))

a/n: all my fics the pogues and reader are the age 17/18 only because that's more comfortable for me to write. its been a long long time since i have wrote something so sorry for and spelling errors

People tend to deal with trauma differently. It could be resulting to crying you eyes out until you can’t breath and you can’t see through your tears clouding your eyes. Drinking until your liver wants to shut down and you whole body is so numb that yourself and everyone around you is so tuned out that you can’t function. Resulting to drugs to either feel something or not to feel anything at all. Or to have something to blame your actions on from yourself acting out simply because you don’t know how to handle the situation of a friend dying.

See you on the other hand dealt with it internally or the whim and feeling of not accepting death. Maybe it was your subconscious talking wanting you not to accept or maybe it was the gut feeling that you always got telling you that they were actually alive and have survived that storm that ‘supposedly’ had swept them away because “no body was found”.

This ‘gut feeling’ had always been right in many life or death situations. Or even just you picking out an outfit that you were unsure of whether it was going to get the boys attention that you had a crush on. It did indeed get his attention that night because that’s how you ended up loosing your virginity that night but that’s besides the point.

The best way you could describe it was like when people would do personality tests and it would ask “are you controlled by your heart or what you feel” probably not those exact words but you get the point. I felt with my feelings if my gut said yes then it was a yes.

Since the night that John B and Sarah had ‘died’ your gut had been telling you the opposite. That they were in fact not dead. As Big John use to say when you were a kid, you can never kill a Routledge. At the time it seemed like bullshit but now it was starting to grow on you.

However now your two friends were presumed dead and not everyone dealt with trauma like you did. Some would even go as far to say that you didn’t actually give a fuck that your friends were dead because you hadn’t cried or you hadn’t drunk yourself into a state of no return or resulted to smoking weed every single day and spray painted ‘murder’ on Ward Cameron’s estate. But at least Kiara wasn’t lying.

But the thing was you hadn’t cried because you couldn’t, you quite literally hated crying because it made you feel weak. Even if you tried and you tried your hardest but nothing came. At this point you could go as far as denial. This gut feeling was like getting hit by a semi truck every time a thought came into your head questioning maybe they were dead. Maybe they did get swept away at sea and never to return.

Your gut feeling was simply not letting you mourn the loss of John B and Sarah and now everyone thought you were an emotionless bitch. I mean they were right to a point but not the whole point.

So that brought you to current day driving around the Cut and night playing fucking real life Where’s Wally but its Where’s JJ Maybank because he’s blacked out drunk somewhere and now you’re on a rescue mission. Not like you had done enough of those in the last few weeks.

About an hour ago your phone rang and it was JJ asking you to come pick him up since somehow he had now idea where he had ended up and was too far gone to put together his surroundings. Well that’s what you had assumed he said since you had to decipher his slurred words.

At this point you had driven around the whole island and gone to every hid out spot that he would go smoke at or to just get away from everyday life. You had gone to all but one place. Where you avoiding that particular house because it held so many memories, plus the fact you hadn’t been near the place since shit hit rock bottom. Yes? But it was the highest chance that JJ was sitting on that dock with his legs swinging over it with a beer in hand.

Well you were right. As you walked down the old dock to where JJ was sitting it was if you could feel all the emotions, thoughts and disbelief crawling their way up your skin from the ground you were walking on. But that gut feeling was like a wave of fire, burning it all the way back to the ground.

“I don’t know why I just didn’t look here first. I should have known aye” you half heartedly said trying to keep the conversation light since you didn’t know what state JJ was going to be in. From the huff you got in response told you he wasn’t in the mood to talk.

“How much have you had J?” You asked with concern but still trying to keep you voice light and less reprimanding because you knew he was in a too fragile state for you to be angry.

“Does it even matter how much Iv had. I don’t feel shit anymore” he replied back with his words straight forward and sobered.

“Well have you even given yourself a break for your body to sober up for you to even feel the effects of it? Or have you still been going since yesterday when I saw you? J its not going to do shit if you don’t give it a rest for at least a day or so” you said back trying you best to keep you and your voice as calm as possible. You fucking hated seeing JJ like this, you would never say it to his face but fuck it just reminded you of his dad when he got into states like this. Until the last week you had never seen JJ this bad. But could you blame him.

“You just don’t get it do you” JJ was now facing you and by the tone of his voice you had unintentionally struck a nerve that you were actively avoiding. “Why did you even fucking come if you’re just going to tell me how I should cope. Do you even care that JB has gone? He was our best fucking friend. He was my fucking brother my only family! And he’s fucking gone just like his old man. You haven’t even shed a tear y/n. You’re just acting like nothing had happened. Do you even care!” JJ was now on his feet breathing heavily and his jaw so clenched you’re surprised his teeth haven’t broken

“J, please do not yell at me right now” you asked with your voice shaking trying to hold back something that was bubbling at the surface. Was it anger or was it the water works that desperately needed to be let out.

JJ started to walk back up the dock, showing that he was done with this conversation that he could have avoided if he didn’t ask you in the first place to come pick him up. Deep down he knew that you would be the only one to come and get him, he just wasn’t as good at showing his gratefulness due to the alcohol that was numbing him.

“JJ just wait please, please don’t walk away” You stood back up and starting walking after him quick on the backs of his feet. He halted his tracks and turned around to look at you with a pained look in his face, as you got up close you could see his eyes stained red. Either from crying or the linger of weed still in his system.

“What could you possibly want to say y/n. I really thought you would be the last person not to care about this” JJ was now right up in your face and his voice was holding back trying his best not to yell. But that last sentence had taken you back.

“You think I don’t care JJ!” now you starting yelling “of course I give a shit JJ our friends are gone, they are not fucking here. I know it might not seem that I don’t care. But just because I’m not crying my eyes out every hour or drinking myself into a state where I don’t now where the fuck I am or getting high that I spray paint on any wall I see” your breath was now battling to come to the surface because you were talking so fast.

“Just because Im not doing any of those things doesn’t mean I don’t care JJ! People deal with this shit differently and you need to understand that” you breathed out trying to grasp for air again “the thing is JJ I have this annoying gut feeling thats telling me that John B and Sarah are not dead, and its literally preventing me to mourn them. I have convinced myself that they are alive and I can’t fucking mourn non dead people J. I don’t know how to fucking explain it”

“Well why didn’t you just tell us that” he replied after bit letting your whole rant sink into his brain, weaving its way through the alcohol that was clouding it.

“Because JJ! Even saying that out loud I sound fucking crazy, like I’m in a deep pit of denial. The thing is I’m far from denial. Yes I know there is a massive fucking fat chance that they are dead and have been food for the sharks” you exclaimed

“Don’t make it worse y/n” JJ shook his head not very happy with your choice of words

“Okay yeah sorry bad wording. Im sorry” you lowered your head in sorrow wanting to slap yourself in the face for trying to make jokes out of trauma.

“So its not that I don’t care J, trust me I do care. But John B and Sarah are not physically here with us and I cant physically care for them right now. But when we see them can do that”

“Y/n -“ JJ tried to get a word in but you hadn’t finished

“Don’t JJ. We will see them again” you put an emphasis on ‘will’ “I trust my gut and even you know that when I get a gut feeling that it’s always been right. Correct?”

“Yes but -“ he tried to get another word in but you needed him to listen.

“JJ I care about you. I care about Kiara and Pope. You guys are physically here for me to care for. The thing is I haven’t spoken to Kie since she’s with Pope half the time and I have spoken to Pope since he’s with Kid half the time and you? I can’t speak to you because your too far gone in beers to for me to even get a coherent conversation in” This was such an over due conversation to be had, you were now on the verge of hyperventilating. You needed JJ to hear this. Fully sober would have been better but half sober is the best you’re gonna get.

“JJ I understand if that’s how you’re going to deal with all of this but you can’t throw yourself completely away. We need you. I need you JJ. I can’t have you going off the deep end and then we loose you too. You need to be here for when we get John B back. He will need you for when he’s back”. The water works that you had been holding back had finally been released and trust it to be in front of JJ. He was your fucking rock, you couldn’t loose him. No way that would be your last day on earth if that were to happen.

“I-. Im sorry. I’m just so fucking lost y/n. I don’t know what the fuck to do. You’re always at work and Kie and Pope are god knows where. I just want this to go away so fucking bad. All this pain, I feel like I have no one” JJ was now crying to and gripping your waist as is you could float away into the air

“I know JJ, but you have us you have always had us. But you have to be so stubborn sometimes that you won’t let us in and help, you won’t let me in a help you” you had JJ’s face in your hands making him look at you so he knew you meant every single word. “I’m so sorry if you didn’t think I cared and I wasn’t there to help you, I just deal with this shit in a different way. Just like every single other person. We all heal differently and that’s okay. It dosent mean we care less. It doesn’t mean I care less”

Now there you and JJ stand on the dock leading off the chateau both in each others embrace purging the pain that’s both been locked up inside you for so long. The past you and JJ had people really didn’t tend to understand but neither did you. But you would always find your way back to each other at the end of the day. Despite the fights you had in the past and the days you would be at each others throats screaming at each other to the days you would be secretly stealing a glance at him because you just couldn’t help yourself.

You would always be there to help him take the pain away and he was always be there to do the same for you.