#so i’m like overweight 😕

[chlosology]

no more slacking. i lock in today.

[supakixbabe]

Before I continue my posting again, I wanted to let those who care know what happened at my cardiologist appointment.

So they once again dismissed it as being overweight, when I have been losing weight rapidly. So healthcare is a complete joke and of course, not trying to be sexist here, it was a male doctor who dismissed me. I explained from start to finish and he still said, “Caffeine” and “being overweight.”

At this point, I’m just done with doctors. I mean, I’ll suffer another decade with whatever is wrong like I have been. (This started after having covid/being hospitalized)

Ps. He said my heart isn’t responding with something within my body, but it’s definitely from being “overweight”. I went from 360/350 down to 305 within maybe a month. For me that’s not normal considering I have PCOS which prevents weight loss.

But we’ll see what this cardiogram has to say in a few months I guess. 😕

[dietcokedemise]

confessions of a junkorexic

may 30, 2023 | entry #7

has it been over two months since my last entry? yes. was this absence caused by an almost three month long binge cycle? also yes.

the only reason i haven’t slammed my head into a brick wall yet is because i’ve somehow managed to maintain my weight throughout the whole ordeal. don’t get me wrong i’m still severely overweight, but i managed to avoid gaining any substantial weight during my binge episode so i guess that’s a positive? in my last journal entry (3/15/22) i weighed in at 201.4 lbs and as of last wednesday (5/24/22) i am now a whopping 201 lbs even. granted, my weight definitely fluctuated between then and now but at least i didn’t do any severe damage.

on the flip side, the binge did set me back pretty far goal wise. i told myself that i wanted to lose 50lbs by summer, but tomorrow is the first day of june and i’ve only managed to lose 20lbs since JANUARY!! i have no one to blame but myself honestly. it’s my fault i don’t exercise as often as i should. it’s my fault that i don’t possess an ounce of self control around food. it’s my fault that i spend all day feeling sorry for myself instead of getting up and doing something to change my circumstances. i’d be easier on myself if i was naive to my faults, but since i am so painfully aware of my self sabotaging, i feel like i’d only be doing myself even more of a disservice by not holding myself accountable. so for the millionth time in a row, i’m back to treating myself like a toddler. no exceptions, no breaks, no “treat days”, nothing. i’ve gotta tighten the reigns now if i want to get anywhere near my gw by the end of the year.

it’s times like this where i wonder if this attempt will be the last attempt? if this is where i stop wishing for something and actually buckle down and work my ass off to achieve it? whenever you hear people tell their stories about how they accomplished a goal they always have some “eye opening moment” that made everything click for them and gave them the motivation to follow through. i hope my moment comes soon…i need it to come soon.

———————————————————————

food log

breakfast

N/A (0 cals)

lunch

N/A (0 cals)

dinner

chicken caesar salad (335 cals)

snack(s)

popcorn…like a lot of popcorn (608 cals)

water w/ sugar free drink mix (5 cals)

water w/ sugar free drink mix (5 cals)

cal intake

953 cals

———————————————————————

daily stats

cw

201 lbs (91.2 kgs) [5/24/23]

bmi

38

steps

over 1,200 (estimated)

hrs fasted

16

days binge free

2

mood

😕❤️‍🩹🐋😪🍿

[haechanhues]

*these are my thoughts as a person who considers herself chubby..* i don’t stan svt or the8 but i do stan a group that has made body shaming comments before & i cant say I’m surprised whenever an idol basically exposes themselves as fatphobic. it never fails to make me sick knowing that these idols start body shaming other people knowing that all throughout their training period they were most likely in strict diets & constantly being told to lose weight. he’s probably not going to apologize just like no idol has ever apologized for this issue but it’s really upsetting because I can’t imagine what they’d think if they saw a fan who was slightly overweight 😕. Sorry for the rant(?).

(oh rant all you like honestly) I consider myself chubby too! Exactly! I agree with you!

content warning : weight and mental health related issues (my own) so please be aware of that.

A bit of a TMI and a bit of vulnerability but in my first year of uni I had terrible social anxiety…just terrible and my hall was catered and instead of going down to the cafeteria to have dinner and breakfast and things, I relied on snacks and food that isn’t sustainable nor advisable. I was skinny, but I wasn’t healthy. Being skinny didn’t mean I was healthy nor happy. I was starving. I just fit into smaller size clothes. That’s all it was.

My next year I was in a self catered hall with a better environment and I did eat a lot of junk food, I’m not denying that, but I was also cooking more and eating a lot more variety. And I did continue to put on more weight since then but I was happy. So happy. I tell you I was more in love with life in my second year than my first. My anxiety also did not go away!

Now, I am doing something about my weight and that’s my own choice. As it should be. I just think others should worry about themselves more rather than critiquing other people and the way they look. And to experience the whole idol/trainee diet culture? Nah. Not okay.

And the fan thing, I think that’s what makes me upset the most. There are so many fans of his (and other groups etc) that are all different in appearances and sizes and to shame someone like that feels like a total disregard for everything else. Like the more important things - like their ambitions and what makes them happy, the people important to them…. And to be a fan of someone that might look at you and judge you by the size you are sucks. It really sucks.

And for the people that need it ; please do not let others decide your self value because they cannot see beyond their own bigotry and unnecessary judgements… so what I’m saying is if you’re fat and happy you go and be fucking fat and happy. Don’t feel bad about yourself. You don’t need to be.

Only change if you want to change, period.

Also sorry for the long rant, I couldn’t help myself it seems.