#so i think starting hrt wouldn't be too difficult

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello dear witch! Thank you for all the amazing things you do <3 I have a question about vaginal health (if other people could share their experiences that would also be very appreciated) Sorry if this is too long

So from reading your replies to people on T I learned about vaginal atrophy bc of low estrogen. I am a woman(?) in her early 20s with a vagina. I went into menopause about 2 years ago bc of chemotherapy and currently have low levels of both E and T. My new "no period, ovaries empty" life hasn't really been bothering me so i've kind of procrastinated on going to the gyno about hrt (the menopause kind, i'm not planning a gender-affirming one), and now i will only get the opportunity to do so in a couple of months. So back to the atrophy - should i like, start jorking it regularly for vaginal health's sake? My libido is gone so i don't really feel like doing it most of the time, i straight up forget that it's a thing sometimes lol. Also, everywhere i see it says that penetration specifically is good for preventing atrophy - but why? Doesn't arousal from clit stimulation supply enough bloodflow? I've never done any kind of penetration - should i consider it?

Wishing you a lovely day! 🌱

hi anon,

what a great question! and not one that seems to have an easily-available answer online, I'm afraid. most of the sources I can find that acknowledge "sexual activity" as a good way to combat vaginal atrophy note that either partnered sex or masturbation are sufficient, but none of them specify whether penetration is a must. that's not very helpful, is it?

you're definitely right that any kind of sexual arousal will get blood flowing into the genitals, which is preventing atrophy. the best explanation I can think of for why penetration might be preferable to clitoral stimulation on that front would be that the vaginal muscles will get more of a workout accommodating something being inserted into the vagina, but if that's not something that's appealing to you I wouldn't force it. difficult sex after menopause can become an unfortunately self-perpetuating cycle of pain and frustration, so don't push yourself into anything that doesn't feel worth the effort.

[hjellacott]

Children vs Adult

Being an adult in my twenties, I have noticed (and in part thanks to the Gender Cult, part thanks to studying psychology and childhood studies) I have noticed an increased rush, particularly coming from the US, and people seeking to make a ton of money, to shorten childhood and hurry children into adulthood. And it's easy, because teenagers are also in such a rush to be adults, when it's convenient for them.

Before you judge me! I am a woman, an adult, a social scientist and an artist, a feminist, a left-winger, left-voter, a bisexual woman, and a campaigner for the rights of women, children, POC people, vulnerable people, and anyone who just wants to be free to love, to marry, whoever they want to. I am not a fascist. I am not some old person disconnected from reality, and I am not driven by any religion whatsoever.

But when I was under eighteen, I thought of myself very much as an adult, at times. I was always too mature for my age, and found it really difficult to connect with children my age, and always preferred to have friends aged twenty and over, but even in my early twenties, I found it easier to connect with people forty and over, than my age. Now most of my friends are twenty or thirty years my senior, because I always feel like people my age are, in many cases, immature, childish, and overly interested in reality shows and capitalist or superficial things that are really not my cup of tea. I always liked theatre, ballet, concerts... My idea of a fun Friday afternoon, from childhood, was always go to the library or the book shop, rather than out to get drunk and party. I say this so that you understand when I say children are in a rush to grow up, I was also a kid in a rush to grow up, but in a different way.

I didn't want to grow up, I felt grown-up. I was the kid my parents could leave alone because they knew I'd do the dishes, keep the house clean, wouldn't throw a party, wouldn't leave doors unlocked, wouldn't cause a fire, and wouldn't engage in illegal or questionable activities. I was essentially an adult in a very young body, and even then, now I'm closer to thirty than to twenty, I still look back and think, I was such a child, for many things. I had so much growing-up to do. I had so much left to mature. So if that was my case, being a mini-adult already at age twelve, imagine what's like for kids who feel like adults, but are utterly irresponsible, and basically just want to be allowed to drink, go into HRT, do drugs, or party hard until late.

When I was a minor, I wanted to preserve my childhood. I had enough maturity to understand I was growing up too fast, because of my personality and because of certain traumatic experiences, so I wanted to slow it down. I didn't wear heels or make-up until I was sixteen, while most of my friends my age, my classmates, already did at eleven or twelve. I didn't want to drink until I was old enough for it to be legal. I didn't want to be partying until one, while at one is when my friends' parties started. So in spite of everything I've mentioned, and my old person personality, I look back and I see an actual childhood. Don't get me wrong, I did break rules. I did drink underage at sixteen. I did party. But I didn't enjoy it, and I left it to a very dark period of my teens, and didn't continue afterwards. But I also enjoyed the blissful lack of responsibilities, of work, of taxes, of having to worry about where my life was going, of childhood. I watched cartoons and enjoyed childish things, as much as I liked adult conversation and adult things (non sexual). And when I turned eighteen, I actually had things to look forward to. The first beer with adult friends, at an Irish pub, the first glass of wine, the first time driving, the first debit card, the first smartphone, the first night out late... They all happened when I was eighteen and over. I went to university, and I was an adult, and for the first two years of legal adulthood, I was constantly catching myself thinking "oh I shouldn't do—wait, no, I'm the one who has to give myself permission, and I can do this". And yet I wasn't a full blown adult until my mid twenties.

You know what made me an adult? getting a job, paying taxes, reading politics, voting, understanding the laws, the legal responsibilities, paying national insurance, worrying about getting to the end of the month, doing my grocery shopping, realising I truly did not have money for non-essentials, ironing blouses and blazers for job interviews, going on said job interviews, having my first gynaecologist appointment, taking care of cleaning my house, solving DIY things, putting the washing machine, learning to climb on a roof and fix my bloody chimney, learning to do some plumbing at home, and fix electricals. I became an adult the day I realised I had nobody to turn around and ask to do something for me, or to deal with something that scared me for me, because I had to do it alone, myself. And when I first started babysitting alone, and I realised if anything happened to that kid, it was all on me. I had to be able to answer their questions, to rescue them, to help them, to keep them alive. I had to have all the answers. And just like that I understood adulthood, and my parents, and how fucking hard it is.

And you know what else I understood? That I knew nothing, as a kid, even when I thought I knew everything. And that kids now, know even less. They think they're so grown up because they drink or smoke under age, because they break the rules. They think they are grown-up enough to decide to do life-changing surgeries, to go on HRT, to decide they're no longer a boy or a girl. And there are selfless, irresponsible, greedy adults, who if it'll make them richer, will absolutely encourage them that they are grown-up enough to do all that. But they are not. Take it from someone who was also not grown-up enough to have made such decisions, even when I was probably the most grown-up kid in my class.

Now I understand the huge value of childhood. I get to be so grateful I went through such great lengths to keep mine as intact as I could. And even then, I wish I'd done more. I wish I'd been more of a kid. I wish I'd been sillier, funnier, crazier, more adventurous. Because if I'd known adulthood would be so hard, I would've enjoyed childhood more, even when my childhood was also very hard and challenging.

So this is for you kids. Please, enjoy adulthood. Don't be in such an enormous rush to grow up. Be kids. Experiment, try new things, be adventurous, make mistakes, jump in muddy puddles and mountains of autumn leaves, make stupid jokes, dress childishly, wear costumes, be immature, be stupid. Don't mistake heels, make-up, alcohol, and cigarettes for adulthood, and don't be in a rush to get there. Life is a marathon, and if you spend too much time wishing to get to the end, you will really stop enjoying the every day adventure. And if you're not old enough to understand that sentence, you're probably not old enough to doubt you're the biological sex that you are. Trust me, you are who your DNA says you are. You're just still becoming. You're the food waiting to be cooked. You're going to want to be patient, to wait it out, to see what you'll become, before you decide what you're becoming isn't good enough, because it is. Trust me. When you are a grown-up? You're going to see what an incredible person you turned out into.

[messrsrobyn]

idk if this is an okay place to ask but i have a trans question?

does the feeling of missing out ever go away? i turn 17 in a week and i came out at 15 and it feels like i missed so much time and spent so long being wrong that i wont get back

you dont have to answer it but i know youve spoken about hormones before and idk. did they help? does anything?

OFC THIS IS OKAY TO ASK !! i'm v open about my transition in general and always happy to answer questions 🫶🏻🫶🏻

obviously this will differ person to person but for me, yes !!

i no longer think of my time pre-coming out as something i missed out on ??? i still existed. at my core i'm still me. i developed incredible connections, made incredible memories and *lived* (even through all the tough shit) that i won't ever regret not figuring it out sooner. i also don't think there's a timeline for anything in life but esp this. esp not for figuring yourself out. we do it everyday. There Will Always Be Time. also 15/17 is young !! i'm only 19 and we have sooo much time ahead of us. so much time to exist as us in the best way we can !! so much time to Exist. i'd even go as far as to say i don't wish that i was born differently.

and that's where hrt comes into it i think?? since starting hrt i'm a lot more comfortable with expressing my gender in any form, but esp makeup. that's something i've always loved - just the ritual of doing it and how i feel in it - and i lost that right coming out. it felt like i was doing it wrong. that i wasn't trans enough. but hrt helped !! made me more comfortable *inside* and that reflects *outside* now. hrt made me so much more comfortable and with that i've been more okay with my past?? hrt just reminded me that "oh, this was always who i am, i can just breathe easier now."

no, i didn't have all the answers and i still don't. probably never will. BUT:

my time existing before coming out was not wasted, because she hasn't gone anywhere.

i carry a bit of her with me everyday because she's *me*.

and it's difficult trying to feel comfortable and wondering if it would all have been different if we figured it out sooner or were born differently, but there's so much joy to be found in focusing more on the time i get now, than the time i've had. and i wouldn't be having this time right now if i didn't come out. no matter at what point, it is never too late to start living instead of surviving. we never miss out on too much. there's always More.

[doilyboily]

So in case some of you don't know, I'm a trans 16yr old in Western Australia, AKA the worst Aus state to live in for trans minors.

I'm serious.

This state is behind on LGBT+ rights by at LEAST 5 years compared to the other states of Aus, our government has been promising to outlaw conversion therapy for the past year (give or take) and still hasn't made it into law. Despite what people believe, conversion therapy is still LEGAL, sure it's difficult to find but it is still fucking legal.

Out of the entire state of WA there is only one clinic that can offer gender affirming care to under 18s, besides the one that offers it to 17-25yr olds, and that is the Gender Diversity Service at Perth Children's Hospital. WA is a huge state, so if you lived in Albany you would need to drive over five hours to get to Perth, it is a ten hour drive there and back.

Sure they offer Telehealth appointments but what about when you need to get your HRT script, or your height and weight recorded? Sure you can do it via Telehealth and give them that info through email but they prefer to meet face to face.

The GDS doesn't have enough staff to meet the demand, and the waitlist for an actual appointment with your care team after the initial assessment is three years. I was on the waitlist from 11-13 1/2 (eleven to thirteen and a half), by the time I had my first real appointment I couldn't even be prescribed puberty blockers because I had already finished puberty. And because of the lack of info regarding minors transitioning in WA, and minors transitioning in Australia in general, my parents were unaware puberty blockers were even a thing, and I ended up thinking that I could start T at 14 with parental consent and after being deemed Gillick Competent.

nope

You can only start HRT here after you turn 16, unless you want to get a telehealth appointment over East and in which case, good luck, because most Drs over there that prescribe to minors are completely booked out. And to make things worse for my mental health, the psychiatrist on my care team said that if I didn't start attending school regularly that I wouldn't be deemed Gillick Competent and therefore, wouldn't be able to start T until I was 18.

That caused me to start having panic attacks almost daily, both while I was getting ready for school and at school drop-off. I was a complete mess, because this psychiatrist held the power to deny me medical care over something that had nothing to do with my ability to comprehend or consent to HRT. I wanted to file a complaint so badly, but my dad wouldn't let me, he said that he didn't have an opinion on it because he wasn't a medical professional and therefore didn't know the standards. So I bit my tongue, because if I did file a complaint she would know who did it, and even if she didn't she would still be kicked off my care team, and then I would have to wait months for a new psychiatrist which wasn't an option, so I clenched my teeth and let her words cause me a depressive episode.

There is so little information regarding transition for minors in WA, that even when I specified what state I was in, I still got info for the other states. So many doctors are still ignorant when it comes to the LGBT+ and trans people, that my own paediatrician tried saying that if gender roles didn't exist, or if a trans person lived on an island isolated from society, that gender dysphoria wouldn't even be a thing. Which is completely untrue, and I was in too much shock from hearing such utter bullshit that I didn't even respond.

I wanted to file a complaint, but my dad argued that he was just being "supportive" in his own way, and that because he was also both my brothers paediatricians, he couldn't possibly have some bias against me, because he's known our family for over twenty years. Mind you, that doctor is known for being dismissive towards girls/females/AFABS with autism and he is very "old fashioned" (cough, ignorant, cough), so why the fuck wouldn't he be ignorant towards the actual science around gender dysphoria?

And then a member of a political party in my state recently proposed that if she was voted into Parliament, that she would ban HRT, Puberty Blockers, and gender affirming surgery, for under 16s.

Which is quite... funny, because HRT is already illegal here for under 16s and you have to have a psych eval that takes years, surgery is only done in cases where gender dysphoria has been documented from a young age and only after multiple very long, very tedious psychological evaluations and even then there still aren't any surgeons in the entire state that would do affirming surgery on minors.

And then banning puberty blockers for under 16s is just fucking horeshit, because how the fuck do you expect puberty blockers to work on someone over 16?? There is nothing to block! Most teens have gone through Tanner stages 1,2 and 3 by age 16 so there are no more significant changes to be prevented, except maybe height but even then its not a guarantee.

She only announced this after it was confirmed that the gender reassignment board would be abolished, therefore making it so that trans people no longer have to have genital surgery to have their sex markers changed in our state, y'know, something that most of the other states have already done.

I'll probably continue this post after i get the rest of my thoughts in order, so I'll tell you all (glances at 50 followers, most of whom are bots) more about how shitty this state is for trans minors maybe in a few days.

[sleepiestember]

one of my friends asked me last night if HRT changes your sexuality, and i wasn't sure how to give a straightforward answer to that.

my sexuality definitely has changed. i used to staunchly identify as aroace (see: my post history) before i started T-blockers. but now, over a year later? i'm proudly bisexual, and i wouldn't identify any other way. i think part of this was due to my transition, but another part of it was purely about understanding myself and accepting myself for who i am-- and it's likely that that part would have happened either way. i think both sides of the story are important, which is why i think it would be unfair to say that HRT turned me bisexual.

part of what changed is that i look like a girl now, and i am treated by others as a girl. and for me, it feels a *lot* better to be someone's girlfriend than to be someone's boyfriend. i'm dating an amazing person right now, but i can't imagine ever being her boyfriend. i simply can't fulfill that role.

and even ignoring the social effects of transition: the comfort and self-confidence that HRT has given me has made me much more capable of being in a healthy relationship than i ever was before i transitioned. not to mention the effects estrogen has had on the way my sex drive feels, or the way sex itself feels.

but a part of me feels that i would have eventually figured out that i was bisexual even if i didn't transition.

as i said before, i used to identify as aroace. in fact, i started identifying that way well before i started questioning my gender. i started realizing that i was ace when my best friend at the time wore an ace pin while we were hanging out. when i started doing research into asexuality to try and be supportive, i realized that a lot of what i was reading felt familiar. *too* familiar to be a coincidence.

after that, i started immersing myself in the a-spec community and the broader lgbt community. i followed blogs, i joined clubs, i added myself to discord servers. slowly, i started making friends with more and more queer people. and as i started to correct the internalized homophobia and transphobia of my grade school years, i became more and more accepting of my attraction to men-- the attraction that was always there, to some extent, but that i was afraid to explore. i started feeling less ashamed of wanting intimacy, of wanting sex.

(it would be flawed of me to pretend that these two sides of the story aren't linked. becoming more aware of queer experiences helped me accept that i was trans, and being trans helped me be more comfortable with my attraction. it's difficult to fully separate these two halves.)

so, i guess this is my answer to my friend: yes, HRT can undeniably affect a person's sexuality. but for me, at least, there was an equally important process of accepting myself and embracing my queerness that had to happen before i was able to admit to myself that i wasn't exclusively attracted to women.

[auroramosaic]

im gonna start documenting my experience on testosterone so far! nothing hugely in depth just a lil overview for me to check back later. And bc I'd appreciate having seen some of this, esp the complications, before starting t

SO. I was kind of in a rush to start testosterone as soon as I could. Anxiety about laws and trying to be convinced out of it by family really pushed that faster than was probably smart

And I am multiply disabled - several of the conditions have symptoms that have been worsened to an unmanageable degree by testosterone (namely POTS - i overheat so easily and so extremely now)

Most people don't have to worry too much about side effects or worsening comorbid symptoms when starting HRT, and I'm really Really not tryna start any fearmongering. I just wasn't as fully aware of all the different ways it would affect me (despite the handouts and my own research and everything. Unfortunately my drs weren't super helpful - they asked me for tips and info on testosterone lmfao. Like I know a lotta patients do their own research but please doctors do your own too)

so! changes since starting t: i quickly started gaining a lot of weight, more than the extra food I was eating would've put on me before. I expected this to a degree but it was a lot very fast and surprised me. Also being really greasy all the time means taking more showers (which is physically difficult) or being overstimulated. Voice changes have been nice! I haven't been able to keep any of my upper register which I was curious about but it's opened up a lower vocal range which is really nice. Now I just gotta get used to how my voice fits in there :) body and facial hair are really not as fast as I expected. Those have been slow goes. Facial hair is barely there and body hair isn't too different from first puberty (but then again that's a whole discussion on intersex topics of its own tbh). I was really hit with that first wave of pain and exhaustion that some disabled people talk about with taking testosterone - a wave of fatigue that you push through first before you see any returns on testosterone being energizing. I haven't gotten to the energizing part get and it's been like 10, 11 months?

All of this said, I also have a hormonal IUD in at recommendation of the planned parenthood dr. I've had that for longer than I've been on T and they said it wouldn't be a problem bc that IUD is supposed to just be locally effective? But I still think it's worth knowing. I felt different after I first got that put in and I think it might affect more than was suggested.

anyways. So all that's been goin on and has been making me really sit on why I'm on HRT. Because I want to be, I want changes, but I'm not seeing return on many changes I was looking for, and I am getting a hell of a lot of surprise health issues. This is obvs a conversation to have w my dr when i see her next but I just wanted to document it too. Hormones are really complicated drugs and there can be a myriad of surprise effects! It was definitely worth it for me to start, but now I gotta reconsider what dosage is safe and that's ok. Shit happens like this sometimes. Wish I could tell myself a year ago about all this - not so he'd avoid HRT, but just so we didn't have surprise against us on top of the other stuff lol

[dianight]

2 months (long)

I would straight up say no changes at all but that's not quite correct. It feels like nothing changes day by day but if I were to compare week by week I'd probably be able to point some things out.

My hair is(!) nicer now. Still not as good as I'd like and I might even try to do something about split ends and such. Undecided for now, not a priority.

Amusing a few days later, not at all how I wanted it to go, but it turns out that crying does feel really good to let out all the frustration. Definitely way more difficult now to keep things bottled up; past a certain point it just spills out like a metaphorical dam bursting. Another one that I can't describe in any other way than "feeling cunty" which is like, feeling cunty (positive) and feeling cunty (negative) at the same time. I'm aware that it's not super clear but I just can't put it in better words.

Shaving, aka pushing the boulder. Turns out that when you get sharp blades things go much better and faster; feels less like torture and not like I'm dissociating just to get past a bad experience. They are expensive as fuck but at least now I don't bolt awake in the middle of the night because my face feels awful.

Not really the moment to feel ashamed: I've caught myself stunned at my image in the mirror. Usually after/before taking a shower, in a "woah that's me" kind of way. It is... new to me.

Sweat is way less "smelly" now. A few days ago I was drenched and my clothes were like, yeah sweaty and smelly but not even close to how it would have been before hrt. I've also been surprised a few hours after a shower and just going "what's that smell?" Me! It's me and it's unfamiliar (neutral) but it's good.

I seem to have some sort of elemental weakness against doors and furniture that people leave out of position. Every time I've bonked or grazed something with my nipples it's been like what I imagine getting stunned in a video game is like: incapacitated for a few seconds and then it's completely fine. Permanently sore (a bit) and still flat, which is "good" because it's summer still but next year [let's not think about that now] yeah sure.

One of these days I'm going to do a "no hair below my head" sort of shaving session and we'll see how it turns out.

Uh... something about my lips being different. "Shinier" in a way. On one of these "checking myself" moments I was thinking that it looked like I had chapstick on.

Holy fuck I've lost weight somehow. I think I might need to start taking it a bit more seriously because I can't have breakfast, lunch, snacks through the day, dinner (some days [I am trying!]) and somehow lose weight. It just does not make sense, and it's not like I can exercise a lot in the first place (I'm still sore 2 days after having to walk for hours). Not in a "counting calories" way but more in a making sure I have 3 meals and like, fruit/yogurt/snacks every(!) day.

I'm in a weird spot mentally speaking too. It's like, what am I expecting to happen from one day to another? Nothing so I don't really pay attention until a few days later I'm looking at my reflection from the side thinking "was my ass that big?" and it's like. Maybe? I don't know. Today I caught a peanut with my thighs and it's like "are they bigger now?" Who knows? I'm bad at keeping track.

There's a very interesting (read: scary/concerning) situation when I'm having one of these "cunty" moods and also feeling the urges where if I had a neck to bite I wouldn't let go. Literally that "kill her kill her" post. It doesn't last long but it's ah, intense.

Still reluctantly using my thing. I literally have to remind myself to do it since I don't really care(?) and outside of those violent moods it's pretty unappealing.

I don't know what else for now.

1 month (long, TMI as they say)

So I was planning on making a list of changes, sort of, stuff I've noticed but when I try to put it into words it gets quite difficult. Anyway. In no particular order and with the caveat that it might be placebo or simply something that I've never paid attention to or some other unrelated factor:

My hair looks nicer? It used to get tangled pretty often, now I simply get the drill hair curls unless I comb it a bit. Do I notice less hair falling overall? Maybe(?), I still get some loose ones on my hair ties or in the shower. But I feel like (<- feel like) it's less now. Not quite how I'd like it yet but better (<- even if not a thing still feels nicer).

I was genuinely looking forward to having an easier time crying, no luck yet. What emotional changes I've gotten are "villainess behaviors" instead which if I were to elaborate is an incredibly difficult time containing myself when someone antagonizes me in any way. As an example I had a celebration (not mine) recently and some relative said something passive agressive to me, I wanted to just ignore instead I found myself laughing in their face and telling them to mind their business (<- less nice than that). Other minor "I should not let this matter to me" stuff feeding the urge to be cruel. I'm fine but it's funny in a way since it's harder to be nice when people are assholes.

Shaving is much much worse and a bit better now. It used to be something that if I ignored/forgot about for a while it'd not matter, now I had a moment where I couldn't sleep and had to go shave at 2am due to how bad it was making me feel. It does feel nicer now, but only for a while.

Less smell? It's summer, it's hot, I'm not particularly sweaty and yet. It's too big of a change to be something I'm imagining. Weird, in a really nice way.

[I lost track so I check the table for reference to see what else.]

Oh yeah. Big changes happening (<- exaggeration). My nipples randomly get sore, one of them is sore all the time! No noticeable size changes though. Way more sensitive to the point of almost being painful (<- in a good way). Actually concerning. I could talk more about it but perhaps not right now.

Body hair is all the same(?), no differences on skin softness/oiliness. My skin condition remains the same.

Body fat redistribution and pelvis changes seems to not be happening yet. My hips are massive anyway and the dimples in my lower back have always been there (<- bragging).

Decreased muscle and strength. Yeah, not from E I can tell you. It's more the disability and the injuries.

This one is kinda funny. "Changes in mood, emotionality, and behavior". It could be. It could also be the sheer relief of getting something I've been trying to get for 8(9?) years, while being able to focus on other stuff that was simply asking too much of me. I'm biased obviously but apart from the slightly stronger urges it's mostly the same.

Sex drive and all that stuff. Let's just say expected changes. Shooting blanks now, which is amusing. No morning wood. You know the drill. I know there can be atrophy if you don't use it and I'll gladly let that thing rot, but. Let's think about how it might be necessary later on. Bear with it for now.

Another interesting one that comes with those emotional changes is how little I care now about certain things, sexually speaking. And how some others will instantly fill a metaphorical bar until it says !!! MADNESS !!! out of nowhere. Case in point, that drawing about the two girls playing the rhythm game(?) while one holds the other's leash. Yeah funny mental image. Somehow it got stuck in my brain for a couple days. Wait what. I'm also much more picky about what types of works I read. It all just seems so boring now. Seen that setup before, that one's got very bad art, that one is too misogynistic, that one is just uninspired.

Anyway I could type more about how it feels different now but words fail me a bit and I think that's enough for now.

[asdfjklqwert]

So hi. It's your friendly neighbourhood trans-support anon. I get that it's a lot right now. But you have to remember; you have plenty of time to come to terms with who you are and how the process of transitioning might look for you. Breathe, you're going to be okay. I'm not going to say it's going to be easy, or smooth, because we both know that's a lie. What is going to help is getting yourself a good support group- people you trust to vent to or just reassure you or whatever you need- 1/?

(continued + response below readmore)

Because that's always the hardest part. Not feeling alone. Making sure you've got people to fall back on when it does get hard. But you'll be alright, I think. You're a pretty neat person, by all accounts. So try not to be too hard on yourself. Maybe do a little research on some LGBT+ friendly resources in your area- be it gathering spots for post-virus, doctors who'll help you out, that kind of thing. Also. Just a tip. Arda Wigs is good for longer hair in the short term.> If that's something you're down for. And make up is fun to dip into to feel feminine- and can start pretty cheap. 

In any case, I wish you the best of luck with this- yell into the void if you need anything. I'll be around to help however I can. And the most important advice I can give you is this- don't feel you have to change your interests, or your fashion sense, or anything in light of this. The happiest you will be the one in which you embrace all of your likes and dislikes. <3

well thankfully i’ve been rolling with long hair for uh... 7~8 years(?) at this point, so. that’s cool. it’s not _especially _voluminous unfortunately... but at least it’s always had some good natural curls. wigs would be kinda nice for exploring unnatural hair colors though and getting hair closer to what i’d want (kinda wanted blue hair even when i was a teenager...)

actually, hair is... kind of one of the bigger worries honestly. not head hair though. talkin’ body hair. facial hair. all that stuff. there’s so much. too much. hell, my dad is a little jealous of how thick a beard i can grow. even when i start HRT that’ll still be there. seriously, there’s so much and it’s all over my chest, my stomach, my back, my... literally every part of my body. i know removal is an option, but i just, i guess, worry about it not being viable, whether it’s financially or due to the time investment it’d require, or anything else.

i think that leads into the other big fear. going out in public. which is a thing i don’t really do except when i need to go to a store for whatever reason (this was the case even before the pandemic). i don’t think i’d generally have to worry about being like... assaulted or anything, but i hate feeling like people are staring at me or really doing anything but ignoring me. being obviously-transitioning-and-definitely-not-passing would just magnify that and i’m... not looking forward to it at all.

don’t really forsee any issues telling friends, just sort of not sure when to do it or if i should wait until i actually start transitioning physically. like being referred to as a guy never bothered me, it was just never... something that excited me either? if that makes sense? so i don’t really feel much pressure to tell anyone other than the people i already have, for right now at least...

at least interest-wise i don’t really feel a need to change anything there besides, like, whatever stuff comes to me naturally. i ain’t gonna stop being a dumb fucking nerd with a huge RPG backlog. just, a dumb fucking nerd with a lot more cute skirts and dresses. and tiddies.

[vegancas]

realised yesterday while i was at work that i'd been infected by corporate greed when i wouldn't give a customer their preferred substitute of 5kg of flour for the 1kg pizza flour they originally ordered, i was like 'the 5kg costs more than double the 1kg, that's a loss for the department' (coz the department will like cover the difference in price when we sub so customers don't end up with higher bills), so i didn't give them the sub !! but i work for a massive grocery store chain! they can afford the loss! they can probably afford the whole store being stolen! the moral of the story is i will now be intentionally costing my department money whenever i have to make a substitute lol