#so i think he would feel connected to samantha. in a different way than any of them want for baby2

[carefulfears]

Thinking about the fact baby no2 probably started to ask questions at some point about Samantha upon seeing pictures of her in the house 🙂🔫

i wonder if jackson feels connected to samantha the way he is to mulder and scully

[crazycatgirl420]

Gotham's Black Rose

Dpxdc fanfic Sam is Bruce Wayne's daughter, adopted by the Manson family. Everlasting Trio, toddler Ellie. Pharoah Tucker, Witch Sam, Space Ancient Danny, and Cujo too.

"How do you feel now?" Mrs. Foley asked, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.

Chapter 3: Revelation

Sam removed the tinfoil from her hair. Purple, with a smattering of black, but her hair was mainly a bright vivid purple now. Her purple contacts were back, and last night she even got her nose pierced.

"Better," Sam said. "I feel more like me now,"

"That's good," Mrs. Foley said. "Remember to clean up, dinner will be done soon and Tucker finished whatever he was doing for you,"

Hacking into the Justice League's database of DNA records, to cross-reference her DNA too. It's the largest DNA database in the world. If her biological parents were Heroes or Villians or otherwise employed by such a person then explaining the chaos that was her life would be easier. If not, then she wasn't sure if she wanted to meet them. Her life was messy and complicated and dangerous, bringing someone unprepared into her life would be an unnecessary risk.

"Thanks Mrs. Foley," Sam said. "I'll be down soon,"

-

The test finished running while they were eating. Sam and Tucker left the table, nervous and excited in equal measure.

"I can't look," Sam said, closing her eyes at the door to Tucker's office.

Tucker took her hand and pulled her in.

"No fucking way," Tucker said, pushing Sam into a rolling stool and spinning her around to face a monitor. "You're gonna wanna see this," Sam leaned back into Tucker's chest, covering her eyes with her hands.

Tucker clicked away on the keyboard, his arms loose around her shoulders.

"It's someone horrible isn't it? Like an intergalactic Tyrant or someone who hates kids or maybe someone who hates nature or magic-"

"It's Bruce Wayne,"

-

When an outsider ran a DNA test using the Justice League's database, Hero identities were locked away on a separate server and only those with Civilian identities connected to the Justice League could be found.

It was one of B's many contingencies against enemy hackers. Tim was waiting in the monitor room for Kon to finish his appointment with Canary, when a screen flashed. Tim watched as the Civilian files were shuffled through by the outsider, as the DNA sequence searched for a match. He watched as it stopped on the file of Bruce Wayne and confirmed a parental match.

Finding out who B's new mystery child is was easy. He synced to the hacker's computer, turned on the camera, and there they were. This hacker had an impressive setup, he even had audio.

"I'm a Wayne?" The purple hair girl asked, staring at the screen. "I think I'm gonna be sick,"

"Oh yeah, that's gotta be some cosmic irony or something," the hacker, leaning over the young woman's shoulder said. "An anti-capitalist and her multi-billioniare capitalist father,"

She elbowed him in the gut.

"Any idea who my mother is?"

"Nope, seems only Wayne was on this database. Your mother is probably one of the many supermodels Wayne took to bed so frequently,"

"My whole identity is a lie," the woman said. "If I decide to meet him I probably wouldn't even be an outcast anymore..."

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "What if I am only an activist because the ones who raised me aren't? What if I only befriended you and Danny because they didn't approve of you? What if I'm actually an entirely different person than I thought I was and I become some shallow backstabbing arrogant snob as soon as Bruce Wayne says he's proud of me for something?"

"If you don't want to meet him, you don't have too,"

"We're moving to Gotham. He's gonna be everywhere,"

"He doesn't have to know Sam," the man said. "If you're not ready we won't tell him,"

Tim pulled up the records of the woman, the unknown Wayne child, and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Samantha Manson, Seventeen years old, born October 13th at Gotham Private Hospital and adopted a week later from the same hospital by the Manson couple, raised in Amity Park Illinois, an average B student and an activist for nearly any cause she found. From school food to animal rights to nature preservation and restoration to illegal pride parades. She bought an apartment in Gotham near Gotham University, for her and her boyfriends Tucker Foley, Danny Fenton, and Danny's daughter Eliza.

Bruce had a completely civilian daughter. The batchat was going to freak out.

[redgoldsparks]

December 2023 Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon 

Despite how much promise there is in the premise of this novel I was ultimately fairly disappointed by it. I'll start with the positives: it's set in a diverse and creative fantasy world with multiple different countries and cultures. It has several queer characters, including one of the four POV characters. It has dragons, even though I think they were severely under-utilized. It is also far too long, and astonishingly, nearly every scene in the book felt rushed. I think it actually had too much plot; if I had been editing this book I would have suggested the author cut one of the POV characters and use the freed-up space to flesh out the queer love story, which was the emotional heart of the book. This book is marketed as adult fantasy, yet whenever a character is in serious danger they are nearly always rescued by a talking animal with super-speed abilities. Choices like this book made the book read younger than I expected. It also suffered, perhaps unfairly, due to the fact I read a book with a much smarter and more interesting use of dragons, human/dragon cultural tensions, and dragon politics earlier this year: Seraphina by Rachel Hartman, which I would recommend over Priory any day of the week.

Red Paint: The Ancestral Autobiography of a Coast Salish Punk by Sasha taqʷšəblu LaPointe

Sasha taqwšəblu LaPointe is a Coast Salish poet and punk who digs deep into the lineage of women in her family searching for connection, strength, and healing. While writing a Master's thesis, LaPointe opened the door to memories of a childhood sexual assault, precarious runaway teen years, and the intergenerational trauma that affected all of her family after the colonization of the Pacific Northwest. The memories that surfaced shattered her life. The path to picking up the pieces was slow, and involved traditional healing ceremonies, friendship, writing, music, and multiple journeys to places where her female ancestors once lived. I found this book very quick and easy to read despite the often heavy subject matter (it also includes a divorce and a miscarriage). Some passages are quite beautiful, but the author was an emotional mess for most of the time period she recounts and behaved in some questionable ways towards many of those around her. It ends on a hopeful note, and I would recommend it, especially to people with connections to the PNW area, while keeping the content warnings in mind.

Golden Fool by Robin Hobb read by Nick Taylor 

I hardly even know how to talk about this book because I loved it so much. It's a rich, nuanced, painfully human follow up to the earlier Farseer trilogy. I am amazed at how deftly Hobb wove the narratives of her characters across three decades of their lives and counting. There's Fitz, the royal bastard and reluctant assassin, who we first met at age six. Now in his mid-thirties, he is finally exploring his magical talents, teaching, learning, and taking more and more misfit young people under his wing. There's Chade, who we first met at a mysterious and wise teacher- now he's a royal advisor, and his hunger for power and influence might yet take him down a very dark path. There's Kettricken, who as a teenage princess was engaged to a stranger, now grown into a powerful queen bent on changing her kingdom for the better. There's the Fool, whose multiple identities are threatening to collapse as more and more of his prophesies come true. And Burrich, Fitz's adopted father figure, who in his anger and grief disowns a son who reminds him too much of his past. All of these characters feel so deeply rooted in their own histories, traumas, choices; I care so deeply about their lives and see so clearly how the twists of fate led them to where they are now. This is seriously one of the best fantasy series I have ever read, and I highly recommend anyone who loves long form fantasy to go back and pick up book one, Assassin's Apprentice.

The Well by Jacob Wyatt and Choo

Lizzy lives with her grandfather on one of many small islands in an world plagued by mist and monsters. Her mother, father, and grandmother all died fighting against the leviathan that used to threaten the seas between the islands; Lizzy has heard the stories, but never knew any of them. Her daily concerns are with goats, the market where she sells their cheese and milk, and her crush on a girl who works the island ferry. Magic doesn't regularly touch her life, except when she foolishly steals three coins from a wishing well, and is then tasked with completing the three wishes that are bound to them. This story has much the feel of a fairy tale with it's orphaned protagonist, three wishes, three tasks, and characters who are often more archetype than fleshed out people. But it manages a sweetly emotional ending and simple but lively and effective illustrations.

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles read by Martyn Swain

Set in England during the reign of King George the third, this historical romance delivered a satisfying amount of plot along with the spice. Gareth is the son of a Baronet, but grew up with none of the privilege of that position having been send away from home after the death of his mother during his childhood. He works as a law clerk in London with few connections, no friends, and nothing much to recommend him. He seeks companionship at a tavern that turns a blind eye on the illicit sexual activities of men in the upper rooms. There he meets Kent, a working class man from Romney Marsh, with whom Gareth sparks an intense and intimate connection. Then it falls apart. Gareth is sacked from his job. He fights with Kent. His father dies unexpectedly, and Gareth is summoned to a manor house he hasn't seen in years to take on the responsibilities of a title, including the care of a teenage half-sister and his father's mistress. And by chance, the house Gareth inherits is in Romney Marsh, home of many waterways, pastures, smugglers, and also Kent, his former lover. I enjoyed the dynamic between the two romantic leads, and the crime plot which entangled both of them. If you are interested in R-rated M/M romance with action adventure and danger, I'd definitely recommend this series and also KJ Charles' Will Darling series.

Subtle Blood by KJ Charles read by read by Cornell Collins

A very satisfying installment in the Will Darling adventures! If this is the final book, I am happy with where it's left the characters, but it does also leave the door open for more. If you enjoy spicy M/M romance with a hefty side of action/adventure, this is a great series. It kept me company through a week of holiday cleaning, cooking, and baking, and I think it's my favorite yet from the series.

Death Strikes: The Emperor of Atlantis by Dave Maass & Patrick Lay

This comic is grim, funny, gory, and darkly poetic. It's impossible to read it without an awareness of the history of the script, which is based on a suppressed opera written in 1943 two prisoners at the Terezín concentration camp in Czechoslovakia. The authors did not live to see their play performed. Maass and Lay have done an impressive job transferring a story meant for the stage into a comic. The stars of the show are the characters of Life and Death who narrative and frame the story of a paranoid dictator in the fictional nation of Atlantis and his reign of terror against his own citizens.

The Cliff by Manon Debaye

This was beautifully illustrated but too sad and violent for me to enjoy reading. It's the story of a dysfunctional middle school friendship between two unhappy girls who make a suicide pact. This story will really hit for some readers but it wasn't for me.

Walkaway by Cory Doctorow 

I really enjoyed this book, even thought I think it's more interesting as a collection of ideas than as a novel. The characters in the first third felt somewhat flat, and the dialog is often delivered in hefty paragraphs with minimal dialog tags. But the story picks up in the second half and by the end I was reading it daily in big chunks. The concepts this book explores are what really shine, especially the idea of walking away from capitalist society and living in self-sustaining communities without formal governments or laws. This novel contains some future technology which we don't currently have today including 3D printers which can print food, clothing, and building pieces for vehicles and housing and also internet interfaces implanted into people's bodies which allow them global network access from anywhere almost all the time. The nation state of Canada also seems to have fallen before the start of this novel, as most of the characters end up walking away from the US into northern Canada to find these alternate communities. I liked seeing Doctorow play out the clash between on faction wanting to run a group house as a meritocracy versus another group committed to allowing all members to work as much or little as they want to or can, for example. The book does not shy away from showing the violent crack down of the existing governments on these alternate communities. There are major character deaths. But the other big theme of the book is exploring the digital scanning and uploading of human consciousnesses to the web allowed people to walk away from death.

[h0tch-r0cket]

Little Bird

Summary: Aaron prepares himself for one of the biggest days of his life…and your daughter’s.

Pairing: retired hotch x fem! reader (in the future…like we’re talking almost 30 years of marriage here)

Word Count: 3.1K

Contains: established marriage, preparation for a wedding, sappy moments, kissing, parental advice

a/n: this has been in my head since i heard the new song from the jonas brothers (yes, yet another fic inspired by them)…i also haven’t written in a while and i missed it a bit so here’s a little something for y’all…lyrics are dispersed throughout the fic and are formatted differently to make it easier to read and in somewhat chronological order of the song and just in case y’all wanted to listen to it while you read, here you go!

Masterlist

—————————————

Came in the world, my baby girl…beautiful angel.

Aaron had been both dreading and waiting for this moment ever since he held your daughter, Samantha, in his arms after you had given birth. This day came faster than he could have ever imagined.

Samantha’s wedding day.

As he stood in your shared dressing room, adjusting his tie and running his fingers through his slightly graying hair, his mind flashed back to where it all had begun. He could remember the day that Samantha was born so clearly. The nerves, the anticipation, the joy that your daughter brought the two of you simply just by making it into the world safe and sound. Aaron had forgotten how precious and fragile new life was since Jack was 6 years old when the two of you had had Samantha. It had been a while since that feeling of new, beautiful life had been in your lives but he was more ready than he ever felt before.

Oh, I could cry, got your mothers kind eyes

Tryna stop time, no, I could never ask for more

Samantha was so small, so fragile. Aaron remembered rocking her in his arms, whispering how beautiful she was and how she looked just like her mother. He saw you in her eyes and hair coloring. You told Aaron she had his dimples and he remembered grinning so big that his own dimples made an appearance. His heart overflowed with love for his daughter and there was no other feeling in the world that could ever replace the pride he felt when he held her, something that the two of you had brought to the world together. From the moment he laid eyes on your daughter, he knew that there was nothing in the world that he wouldn’t have tried his hardest to protect her from. The same promise he made to himself when he first laid eyes on Jack.

Even now, twenty four years later from when she was born, he knows that that vow will remain for both of his children until his very last day.

What he also knows is that he wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without you by his side. Which is why the corners of his lips turned up into a small smile as he watched you in the reflection of the mirror preparing yourself for the wedding ceremony across the room. Beautiful as ever, he thought to himself.

He would never cease to be amazed every time you got dressed up. You’d always steal the breath from his lungs and today was no different. He watches you put on the last bits of your makeup while adjusting his cufflinks.

Feeling eyes on you, you glance up and your gazes connect through the mirror. “I see you staring,” you chuckle.

“I’m always looking at you. Always have, always will,” he says, as if there’s nothing else he’d rather be doing. He turns from the mirror, feeling satisfied with his final touches and makes his way over to you. He slides his arms around your waist from behind where you are standing, dropping a kiss on your cheek.

“Don’t you get tired from being so dreamy all the time?” you ask, leaning back against him slightly.

“Me? Dreamy? I think you have me mixed up with someone else,” he teases as he splays his hands over your hips.

“Right. Maybe it’s my other husband that I’ve been with for about the same time I’ve been with you,” you joke right back, trying to put on the last bits of your mascara.

“You mean…there’s another?” Aaron feigns shock, letting out an exaggerated gasp. “And to think, I’ve been keeping your bed warm for almost 27 years.”

27 years, you think to yourself. 27 years of an endless love. 27 years of being with your best friend. You never would have thought that from when you first met Aaron, but the sparks flew the more you spent time with one another.

It started as simple glances, noticing the things that made him tick. The way he’d rub his fingers together when he was thinking about the situation you had found yourselves in. The way he would quirk up one side of his mouth when someone said something inappropriate but he did not want to fully laugh at what was said. Eventually, it turned into knowing each other's takeout orders, coming up with jokes that only the two of you knew, and spending nights curled up on each other's couches getting to know everything about one another.

You couldn’t picture yourself with anyone else. Aaron complimented your strengths and was your rock. There was nothing you couldn’t do without him by your side.

Which was why when you let out a shaky breath, he tightened his grip on you and pressed his lips gently to your temple.

“Feeling okay?” he whispered. He knew that today was an emotional day for all of you and he was doing his best to keep himself together. Quite frankly, he wasn’t sure how he wasn’t full on crying yet even just thinking about walking Samantha down the aisle.

You nodded, placing your hands on top of his and giving them a small squeeze. “I just can’t believe she’s already at this point in her life. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital and she was just starting school and now….” Your voice trailed off, ending with a small sniffle.

Aaron kissed your temple again before pressing his cheek against yours. “I know, baby. Trust me, this isn’t easy for me either,” he laughed lightly. “But he’s a good man. I wouldn’t want her with anyone else.”

You nodded and patted his hands before stepping out of his embrace and reaching for a tissue. You dabbed your eyes gently, looking at Aaron as he smiled softly at you. “How are you holding it together right now? This is your baby girl in case you forgot. The one that you dressed up with for Halloween. The one that would walk all over your back when she was younger. Not one tear from you today?” you teased.

Aaron swiped quickly under his eyes, trying to get the tears to stop rimming them. “I may or may not have had a moment earlier when I caught a peek of her getting ready,” he laughed.

It was true though. He had happened to walk past the room where Samantha was getting ready and he stuck his head in to see if she needed anything. When he saw her getting her hair and makeup done, it felt like something out of a movie scene. She looked absolutely gorgeous and he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he had tears streaming down his cheeks a bit only from that moment alone. He knew he would be a mess when the time came to actually walk her down the aisle.

Aaron took a peek at his watch and let out a puff of air. “Five minutes until showtime. How do I look?” he asked, holding his arms out for you to inspect him.

You smiled at him, your handsome husband before taking a step forward and adjusting his tie. “Perfect,” you whispered. You placed your hand around his neck gently and brought his face down to yours, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. Once, twice before stepping back and resting your forehead against his. “I don’t know if this is a bigger day for us or for her,” you laughed.

“Definitely Samantha’s. We had our big moment already. It’s time to send her off on her first big moment on her own before her life is filled with as many, if not more, amazing memories like we’ve had,” Aaron murmured. He kept trying to convince himself that the words he was speaking were true, trying not to think about how some memories that Samantha would now make wouldn’t include the two of you.

But that’s the thing about parenthood, he realized. You do all you can for your children, wanting and wishing for them to have the moon and the stars. Wanting them to have more than you ever did. You raise them, try to help them develop into good people and hope they make the right choices. You sacrifice anything and everything just for the hope that they can find happiness and success in their own lives surrounded by the people that love and cherish them. Only for the cycle to start over when your kids have kids.

Grandkids. Aaron cleared his throat abruptly, not quite ready for that to be on the table just yet. He gave you a brief hug, placing his face in the crook of your neck, taking comfort in you. Comfort in your warmth, your favorite perfume.

A small knock on the door caused the two of you to break apart. The wedding planner poked her head in with a bright smile on her face. “Alright you two. It’s time,” she said. She took a brief look at the clipboard in her hands and smiled at the two of you. “At the bride’s request, she wants both of her parents to walk her down the aisle.”

You squeezed Aaron’s hand gently, nodding at the wedding planner. “We’ll be right down there.��� With that, the wedding planner nodded and scurried off back towards where Samantha was finishing getting ready.

You turned to Aaron, feeling your stomach fill with butterflies of excitement. “Did you know she was going to do this? Have the two of us walk her down?” you asked.

A lopsided grin came across his face. He shrugged his shoulders, pretending to be clueless when you could tell he definitely had an inkling that this was going to happen. “I mean, it may have come up briefly in one of our conversations. Cannot confirm nor deny,” he joked.

You playfully hit his chest, feeling your emotions grow even stronger for your husband and the family that the two of you had built together. Aaron held out his arm for you to latch on to, gracefully looping your arm through his as the two of you started to walk to the bridal suite, ready to take on your next adventure in your lives.

—————————

The moment that Samantha opened the door to reveal herself all dolled up in her dress, Aaron knew it was a moment he’d never forget. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress, looking close in resemblance to a princess. His little girl was all grown up.

“Samantha,” he said softly. So quietly he wasn’t even sure if Samantha had heard him.

Samantha’s eyes filled with tears. “Hi, Dad.” She held part of her dress in her hands and did a little spin around. “What do you think? Think that Charlie is going to like it?”

You nodded your head slightly, smiling from ear to ear at how gorgeous your daughter looked. She truly grew to be the perfect blend of you and Aaron, having now grown into her dimples. “He’s going to love it,” you assured.

Aaron cleared his throat and adjusted his cufflinks. “Yeah and if he doesn’t, don’t worry. Jack and I will kick his ass,” Aaron teased.

“Dad!” Samantha yelled, laughing at Aaron’s antics. She of course knew that her father was joking and it did help to lighten the emotional mood that everyone seemed to be in.

Darlin', there's a train comin' in your life that you gotta catch

Small hands, wrapped around my finger, wrapped around my finger

Aaron watched as Samantha grabbed her bouquet of flowers, a beautiful arrangement consisting of dusty pink roses and peonies. She adjusted her dress and took a deep breath. “I guess it’s now or never,” she said with a smile so bright, Aaron was going to remember it forever.

Samantha stepped in between the two of you, latching her arms around yours and Aarons as the three of you proceeded to walk to the entrance of the church.

You looked through the church doors to see all of your family, along with Charlie’s, waiting for Samantha to make her grand entrance. You watched as Samantha took a deep breath, clearly calming down her nerves before she entered the procession. You shook her gently, trying to get her to relax. “Sweetheart, you look gorgeous. He’s a great man. You’re going to do just fine,” you assured her.

Samantha turned her attention to you and gave you a quick hug. “Thanks, Mom,” she whispered softly. She looped her arms back through yours and Aarons just as the orchestra started playing a soft rendition of the wedding march. “Here we go,” she said to you and Aaron, looking straight down the aisle towards where Charlie waited, already beaming seeing his wife-to-be for the first time in her wedding dress.

With one step in front of the other, the three of you made your way down the aisle, ready to give Samantha’s hand in marriage to Charlie.

Walked down the aisle, breaking my heart

Lay down my pride, I know I gotta let you go

Aaron held his hand tightly over Samantha’s, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of her hand. Memories popped up sporadically through his mind.

Her first words.

Teaching her how to ride her bike.

Seeing her find herself and build friendships.

When she made it onto the softball team.

Watching her graduate high school and then college.

It was too much all at once for him. The emotions that he tried to keep inside finally surfaced, a steady stream of tears rolling down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with his free hand, trying to compose himself before he handed off your daughter to Charlie.

When you heard his sniffles, you looked over and saw Aaron’s emotions finally coming through. You started to cry softly as well, the momentous occasion getting to you all as you continued to walk arm in arm down the church aisle.

You glanced around the church, seeing family and friends on both sides, and knew that Samantha would be alright. She would be happy and supported and that’s all you and Aaron could have asked for when she finally found her person.

She found a love similar to what you and Aaron had found in each other. Support, warmth, strength.

A home. Aaron was your home and you knew that Charlie would be Samantha’s.

Making it to the end of the aisle, Samantha turned to you and gave you a strong and tight hug. “I love you so much,” she said into your ear. You rubbed her back briefly, giving her a teary eyed smile.

“Thank you for letting me walk you down the aisle today, baby girl,” you murmured.

“You really think I would have done that without you? You and Dad have always shown me what it means to be loved so fully and completely. I wasn’t going to let him have all the fun,” Samantha joked. You watched as she blinked rapidly, trying to not to mess up her makeup.

“Promise me you’ll spend your life strengthening your love and supporting one another, Sammy girl.” You gave her hand a light squeeze and when she nodded, you let it go. “Go get him, baby.” You gave her a small nod in reassurance before finding your seat, leaving Aaron to have his moment with your daughter.

Aaron cleared his throat, trying to get a hold of himself as he listened to the conversation that you just shared with Samantha. He wiped his eyes again, before standing there waiting for her to turn around so that he could say a few more words before the ceremony truly began.

Aaron’s breath got caught in his throat as Samantha turned towards him. If it was even possible, he loved her more than he had the date she was born. He took a step forward and brought his hands up gently to the bottom of her veil. “You ready, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice soft and comforting.

Samantha bit her lip and glanced at the altar where Charlie waited anxiously, wiping away his own tears from the buildup of emotions of the day. Samantha turned her head back towards Aaron and gave him a small nod of her head.

With shaky fingers, Aaron lifted up the veil and smiled, seeing Samantha’s dimples on full display as he gently placed the veil back down on her head. Aaron grabbed her hand that wasn’t holding the bouquet with both of his and gave it a squeeze. “You got yourself a good one there.” Aaron took a step forward and placed his lips next to her ear. “He was crying before he even saw you.”

Samantha chuckled to herself, and it made Aaron happy to see that she wasn’t nervous. She was ready. And from what he could see, Charlie was ready to take on his role as a husband and do whatever it took to ensure Samantha’s happiness.

‘Cause he’s gonna love you when I gotta leave you

Aaron took a small step back and brought Samantha’s hand up to his mouth and placed a small kiss there. “Your mother and I will always be there for you. I hope you know that.”

Samantha threw her arms around Aaron’s neck, squeezing him tight. “I love you, Dad,” she whispered through her shaky voice.

Aaron pressed his lips to her forehead. “To the moon and back,” he replied.

“Always,” Samantha replied, before stepping back from Aaron, ready to start the next chapter of her life knowing that her parents were going to be behind her every step of the way.

Aaron took a seat next to you in the pews and immediately, his hand found yours and he held it in his lap. You turned your attention towards him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. You rested your head on his shoulder as the ceremony began, watching your daughter’s new life unfold right before your very eyes.

Please just keep me in your heart When you fly into somebody else’s arms, little bird

[antoinettefms]

𝙣𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙙 𝙞 𝙛𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙚

my name is [ ANTOINETTE BECKER ] … and i am from [ HELLTOWN, OHIO ] and i’m a [ DANCER AT THE HELLCAT'S DEN / ARTIST ]. i lived in helltown for [ ALL HER LIFE ] because [ IT'S THE ONLY PLACE SHE CAN BE IN FOR NOW ]. i am [ THIRTY ] my pronouns are [ SHE/HER ] and i am [ HARDWORKING, KINDHEARTED, CHARMING ] though some may say i’m [ VAGUE, STUBBORN , RECKLESS ]. i also hear i look a lot like [ SAMANTHA LOGAN ] but, i don’t know if i see it. i’m here because [ THE CAREER SHE WANTED TO HAVE NEVER CAME TO FRUITION SO SHE'S STUCK ] but, maybe there’s more to it than that. you never know with helltown.

triggers: abandonment tw, harassment tw

antoinette was born on april 30, 1994 with a life that anyone has always been jealous to have, one that she almost did not feel any struggle, but only left with privilege. though, she never met her mother, nor her father has spoken about her, not even once, even whenever she’d tried to bring her up as a kid, though, he was married to this woman who, of course, became her step mother, they weren’t that close, but one didn’t care for the other that much. she didn’t meddle much with antoinette’s life, both just existed within the family. for most of her life, it was just how she had hoped it to be whenever she thought of being in a family, he was there for her, of course, and when he isn’t though, that’s always remedied by money to make up for it, the man spoiling her whenever he messes up.

though, when it comes to family, even though they weren’t of blood, antoinette felt it with kayla, and the people surrounding them. being her friend felt like it was filling the gap that she was longing for, and those people, she kept close. they were who kept her from her own thoughts by herself. she almost felt complete.

though, for a while, she had this feeling about her father that was just something she couldn’t put her finger on at first, though she’s always let it slip, thinking that perhaps she was just looking for the negative in things. yet eventually, secrets that her father kept so well found its way to the light, and of course, she found it herself by accident.

she has a sibling. a half-sibling to be exact.

and he didn’t give a damn about them, nor their mother.

the immediate reaction to it got to antoinette, and of course, she confronted her father about it, ripped him verbally to shreds, for years he lied to her, made her think that he was a caring man, yet she has a sibling who never got that from him. he just acted like they didn’t exist, something he could hide, what was she, then?

after the argument, she packed her things, and left the becker home. she searches for a living taking on different jobs as the years progressed. and when the the hellcat’s den opened, she starts out a waitress first, then slowly developed the love to perform, captivated by the dancers on stage. she convinced the owner of the the hellcat’s den and they eventually decided to have her properly trained by her performers two years after she was hired.

for years she loved the life she had, whilst part of her always wanted to search for her long-lost sibling deep down. yet, one day, as if the fates knew what she’s always dreamed for, and of course, said dream showed up at the doors of the the hellcat’s den. upon seeing them, she instantly had this sense of connection, and upon hearing the woman’s name, that just confirms that feeling. but, along with the need to just tell them came with this fear, she was scared of what their reaction may be to this, so antoinette kept the truth to herself, even now, not wanting said through to make them leave. as long as she has her around, she’s contented just the way it is.

it was also at the the hellcat’s den where antoinette had met the person who would she refer as the love of her life. they were an unlikely pair, given the nature of their work, but they had just connected so well inside and eventually, outside of the strip club, eventually making things official, with the dancer making changes with her life, moving in with them and for the first time, she felt like she had someone she could call her home. along with this, she had pursued the career she wanted to for years, delving into arts, their home had a room full of canvases, paint, you name it. everything was perfect, antoinette had nothing to fear about, not until the woman got down on one knee, it was when everything, their memories flashed before her eyes, and the dancer started to worry. things could change one day. it was that day when she immediately left and never looked back.

her job throughout the years after that was a smooth sail, along with it, antoinette has tried to continue to chase her dreams she started a long time ago. in the beginning, it seemed to be working well, she was selling some pieces, but it was only for a moment, given how her 9 to 5 wasn’t really kept a secret, it had become the reason why people wanted her work badly, and with that, antoinette thought she was not being seen for her art, so she decides to put it on hold, secretly, as she now continues to work under a pseudonym.

antoinette went through a very terrible experience when she was hired for a bachelor's party. seemingly unsuspecting at first, one of the party's attendees cornered her in one of the secluded rooms and almost did more than take advantage of her. she was lucky enough for her coworker coming in the room and saving her from the prick. and that was only time that such thing has happened. there was this one night where antoinette was waiting for a friend outside of the the hellcat’s den where she had been approached and cornered by the den’s former clients. if they haven’t come out just in time, nobody really knew what could’ve happened with her.

and with something strange lurking around as of late and giving the helltown its doom, ever since kayla went missing, she wouldn’t deny the fact that she’s more scared than she’s ever had her whole life. her only escape from it all is dancing, getting lost in the rhythm as she puts her armor on whilst she’s on stage.

[llycaons]

I saw les mis live today (special treat). I’ve seen the show in high school and read the book a few times, but not recently

it’s such a gut punch to think that the social issues the books addresses are still a massive problem. idk about france but at least here in the us

I haven’t been listening to any music recently so when they started singing I was like “oh shit! this is great! cool how they do that!’

I didn’t cry, but at the beginning and at the end I got very close. ‘look down’ is such a fucking visceral song series

I forgot they have a live orchestra so halfway through I noticed the conductor and went ohhhh yeah there’s people down there playing instruments. sweet

my first les mis experience was the 2012(?) movie, which may have been bad musically speaking (didn’t love the valjean) but I have a lot of fondness for javert’s nasally voice and samantha barks’s eponine

I always had a crush on eponine when I was younger because barks was that beautiful, and in the books the ways she was described really appealed to me because I was 15 and didn’t think about how tragic her life was and sad it was that she’s been hardened by her experiences at such a young age. but I also think I connected with her loneliness a lot...leave marius and I’ll treat you right etc.

the theater songs are slightly differently delivered than in the movie, which I found sounded unnatural. they really have to sing fast, wow

live theater is really cool!! I haven’t been able to see any in years, and the lighting, effects, design, etc. are all so different from film and tv, they have so many more limitations but also unique opportunities that tv doesn’t. and I really loved to see how they put together each set right there on stage and how nothing looked *realistic* but the performance has its own character because of it

les mis has some of my favorite theater songs of all time, but also some of the most boring :/ ‘bring him home’ and ‘drink with me’ barely have real melodies. also im sorry but all the lyrics to ‘I dreamed a dream” are very juvenile. I get that fantine is young but those lyrics just sound ridiculous

but I really loved master of the house and lovely ladies, those are SUCH fun songs. I think the thernardiers were some of the first villains I saw onscreen who were just really fun with it

so fucked up that they killed gavroche. SO fucked up. I think his death scenes, in both the movie and the theater, were just gutting. I get why they did it! it was a good choice! but wow

I like how the movie had javert give gavroche that medal in recognition of his courage, but why did they actually have rain during ‘a little fall of rain’? the point was that eponine was so soaked in her own blood she just thought it was raining

the movie is the most pared-down version of the story that can still be comprehensible. it’s impressive how condensed they made events. the theater had several scenes I remember from the book that couldn’t fit into the movie

watching made me want to read the book again, it had so much detail that i really enjoyed when I had energy to get through it

god, anyone remember the les mis fandom ca. 2012? naturally people would flock to the shippable college students with one-sentence personalities and repeat the catchy songs and make memes rather than actually consider the social messages in the book or talk about the actual main character

speaking of messages, this is the only story where I watch it and feel I kind of get people being into catholicism to which

even so something that drove me crazy about valjean was in the books he would just not enjoy himself or let himself be happy. catholics will love to suffer. catholics will present suffering as a noble thing to do in life so you get rewarded in heaven. drove me up a wall. in the book he literally had no reason not to be with cosette he just felt unworthy of her or something and would just stop visiting her even though they missed each other so bad

oh wait it’s because he told marius about him being a convict but not about anything else in his life and it made marius cut him off because he thought he was evil or smt even though valjean later revealed that his wealth was from an honest idea he had and they reconcile just before he dies. so what was the fucking point, anyway? be as miserable and noble as you can die and then get to heaven because you were Good (tm) ugh

also, why didn’t valjean just tell marius who he was? he knew cosette loved marius back, what need was there for him to do this elaborate sewer crawl after marius was injured? what if marius had been shot dead, huh? like I know the character reasons for his determination to do everything in the most secret way possible but it would have made things so much easier

don’t love how women and sex workers are treated about by any of the versions or how cosette is treated by valjean or marius like she can’t handle the truth but for 1860s, not as bad as it could have been?

but the themes of just...kindness and second chances and forgiveness and sympathy for the most oppressed and mistreated members of society and doing right by others and loving them is so fucking good anyway

[elizabeth-mitchells]

Sam Fraser Has a Good Day

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fear Street Trilogy (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Fraser/Deena Johnson Characters: Samantha "Sam" Fraser (Fear Street), Deena Johnson Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Not Canon Compliant, Everyone Is Alive, Nightmares, Breakfast, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Napping, Dancing, Late Night Conversations, Making Out, Kissing, Fluff without Plot, Domestic Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluff, literally what the title says Words: 2401

In the span of a couple of days, Sam Fraser was: in a car crash, chased by several undead killers, used as bait, almost overdosed, drowned, possessed, tied up in the trunk of a car, hit in the head several times... and somehow she survived.

She deserves a good day. She deserves to: stay in her girlfriend's house and steal her sweaters, sleep until noon, have a good breakfast, eat jello in peace, get clean bandages, play video games, eat ice cream, take a nap, dance to her favorite songs, go on a late-night drive for cheeseburgers, and cuddle and kiss her girlfriend the entire day.

Sam wakes up startled, as usual. She is gasping for air and sitting up hastily. Was she having a nightmare? Is she stepping into a nightmare now? Because she can tell she’s wearing one of Deena’s t-shirts. But what if her mom sees her? Is she going to catch her? Should she start running from something, or keep herself from running toward something? 

“Sam?”

That soft voice is the one that breaks the spell.

“Deena,” Sam sighs. 

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay,” Deena whispers, tentatively wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. Instantly, she feels Sam relax in her embrace.

“Sorry,” Sam mumbles, tucking her face on the crook of Deena’s neck. “Just a nightmare.”

“I got you,” Deena says softly. She places a kiss on Sam’s forehead and carefully guides them to lay down again. “It’s early. Why don’t you go back to sleep?” Deena asks, realizing right after that Sam fell asleep before answering at all.

--

A couple of hours later, Sam wakes up again. This time there are no nightmares, no screams of terror caught in her throat, no reaching out blindly for air or a weapon. She wakes up slowly, clutching the heavy blanket that covers her body, yawning without restrain, and eventually opening her eyes slowly. The first thing she does is look for her girlfriend, and she finds her sitting at the foot of the bed, sketching on a notebook with an endearing frown of concentration on her face.

“Good morning,” Sam says through a new yawn.

“Well,” Deena smirks fondly at her, “it is closer to noon now, but good morning to you too, baby.”

“What? Noon?” Sam frowns and attempts to rub the sleep off her eyes. “Since when do I sleep longer than you?” Sam asks, and puts on a pout on her lips for her next question, “And why are you so far away?”

Deena chuckles affectionately at her and puts away her pencil and notebook. She crawls back to her girlfriend and playfully flops down beside her. “Hey,” Deena greets her with her signature raspy tone. She receives a dreamy “hi” and a soft peck on the lips in response. Afterward, she explains, “To answer your question, I just thought you deserved a day to sleep in.” When Sam gives her a look of pleased surprise, Deena adds, “In fact, I think you’ve earned a full day, just for you, to rest and enjoy.”

“Deena, you don’t have to do that,” Sam attempts to protest, right before her girlfriend interrupts her with a kiss that turns into two, and three, and four, and soon enough they simply lose count.

--

Deena’s plans encounter an obstacle as soon as they manage to leave the comfort of her room to go make breakfast. Sam was fresh out of the shower, wearing one of Deena’s t-shirts this time. Deena barely gets to open the fridge before Sam tries to intervene with a soft-spoken, “Let me.” It’s safe to say that Deena puts up quite a fight, though.

“I just wanted to take care of you for one day, okay?” She insists. “You fucking deserve it.”

“That’s sweet,” Sam replies, feeling absolutely endeared. She leans in and places a kiss on Deena’s forehead, and Deena tries and fails to keep up her frown. “Listen, I appreciate it, and I love you for it, okay?” Sam says, giving Deena’s lips a small kiss. “But consider this. One, you already took care of me at my worst. Two, a perfect day, for me, means that you get to enjoy it too, and I get to take care of you too, got it? And three… do you really want to burn my breakfast on my special day?”

Sam attempted to quickly kiss Deena’s cheek and run away, but the brunette was quick enough to reach out and take her in her arms, ticking her in revenge for the not-unfounded critique of her culinary skills.

--

After their meal, the two girls make their way to the living room’s couch, where they are free to cuddle and exchange lazy kisses for as long as they could possibly want. Eventually, though, Deena finds the strength to pull away long enough to have an actual conversation.

“So, while you were sleeping, Kate and Simon stopped by,” Deena says. “Everyone feels kind of bad about you, you know, getting possessed and shit.” Deena pauses with a grimace, not proud of her choice of words, but Sam quickly kisses her cheek to urge her to go on. Deena begrudgingly stands up from the couch, to look for a certain bag, and explains, “Josh, oh so generously, gave us the gift of privacy and he is staying the fuck away from home for the day. He’s sleeping at Simon’s house. Also, he says you can play his video games, if you want. And… Kate and Simon brought all this.”

Deena drops a bag from the Grab N’ Bag on the couch and Sam eagerly looks through its contents. She gasps, “Finally!” And pulls out one of many packets of jello. 

Deena’s love-sick laugh spills right out of her lips. “You’re adorable,” Deena says before kissing the top of Sam’s head and climbing back to the couch beside her. “There’s also popcorn, chips, ice cream is in the fridge, a couple of your favorite movies that I think were yours in the first place and they’re just returning, and a happy birthday card because they don’t exactly make cards for the shit we’ve lived,” Deena explains, content to watch her girlfriend smile and nod happily while enjoying her jello. Then she clears her throat and not so contentedly adds, “We also have a bunch of uh, fresh bandages and stuff.”

The two girls exchange a look and understand exactly what this means.

--

“This is not what I had in mind when I planned to give you a perfect day,” Deena says. She is sitting on the bathroom counter without a shirt on while Sam gives the final touches to the fresh bandage on Deena’s stomach. At the beginning, her hands were shaking with guilt, and fear, but she quickly got them under control and lovingly worked on the healing wound that a different version of herself caused.

“I told you,” Sam insists without looking away from her work. “I also want to take care of you, you know?” She is standing there without her shirt on, with an equally fresh bandage on her back.

When Sam iss done, Deena gently grabs her hands and moves them up to her lips to kiss them sweetly. “Thank you,” she whispers.

Sam turns breathless at the gesture. She feels butterflies in her stomach and decides to tell Deena how much she’s enjoying her day. Speechless as she is though, Sam only thinks to lean forward and connect their lips, determined to kiss her girlfriend until they lose track of time.

--

Some time later, Sam finds herself comfortably seated on her girlfriend’s lap, wearing her sweater again, and biting her lip in great concentration as she tries to succeed at one of Josh’s video games.

“You nerd, I can’t believe you’re into this,” Deena chuckles fondly behind her.

“Hush, I almost got it,” Sam mumbled.

As much as Deena wants Sam to win whatever game that is, she thinks it would be a crime to hold herself back in a position as convenient as this one. So she moves Sam’s blonde hair out of the way and starts placing feather-light kisses on her neck. At first, Sam tries to ignore her. Then, she squirms just a little. After a very effective bite from Deena, a small whimper escapes from Sam’s lips.

“Tell me,” Deena starts saying with a seductive whisper. “Do the other cheerleaders know you’re secretly a dork?”

That finally gets Sam to stop the game and turn around with a gasp. “Deena!” she protests, although she’s laughing. And she crashes her lips together. She would hate to let Deena win so easily, but she feels much more like a winner in this situation.

--

Sometime in the afternoon, Sam wakes up on the couch with her head on Deena’s chest. She’s so perfectly comfortable and warm and safe, that she starts to feel suspicious. She didn’t even have a bad dream at all. She starts to fearfully consider this might be nothing but a dream about to turn into a nightmare, but then she moves her head up to look at her girlfriend and her worries vanish all at once. Deena is still asleep, she’s frowning a little and her lips are slightly parted as she adorably mumbles in her sleep. The feeling of love and adoration in Sam’s chest is so strong and so real that she doesn’t have any doubt this has to be her reality. 

After all the pain, the fear, and the danger of it all, this is real, and they earned it. It’s not even just about those days of extreme violence when they ended the curse, it’s even bigger than that. It’s a moment of well-earned peace and happiness that’s been more than three hundred years in the making. They have been fighting for this moment their entire lives, and they were so close to losing hope forever, but they made it. Deena was right, they fucking deserve it.

So, Sam makes a couple of decisions. First, she decides it’s best if they go one day without watching a horror movie. As much as she loves them, they have had enough horror for a while. And two, she decides that continuing her nap is the perfect way to honor Deena’s wish of giving her a perfect day. She gets comfortable again on top of her girlfriend and drifts back to sleep.

--

Not too long later, Sam and Deena are in the middle of a tube of ice cream and halfway through watching Grease. Well, Deena is watching the movie. Sam is a little more focused on the extremely amusing sight of Deena trying to avoid smiling at the movie.

“Oh my God, you love it,” Sam keeps giggling whenever Deena slips up and grins at the movie on the television screen.

“No, I fucking don’t,” Deena rolls her eyes, makes no move to quit the movie, and adds through gritted teeth, “I just acknowledge that it’s a classic.”

Her words only make Sam smile even brighter as she continues to take spoonfuls of ice cream and marvel at the sight of her girlfriend.

--

A perfect day, of course, wouldn’t be complete without listening to the mixtape Deena made for Sam, and dancing in the middle of her bedroom without a care in the world.

Sam is the one that starts dancing, swinging her arms around, not very gracefully. And Deena shakes her head at her with extreme fondness. “You are a weirdo, Sam Fraser,” she says, making her girlfriend laugh, completely unaffected by the comment.

“Dance with me,” Sam replies with a carefree grin on her face. She steps forward and pulls on Deena’s arms until she convinces her to dance with her.

As usual, Deena tries to put up a fight that she loses as soon as she stares into precious blue eyes. There’s not a thing she wouldn’t do for Sam. They already had to do the most extreme things for each other. How could she refuse her girlfriend a dance?

It’s a perfect evening to a perfect day. The two of them dance to their favorite songs, laugh wholeheartedly, kiss without holding back, jump and spin and fall in each other's arms again and again, as if falling in love all over with every new song.

--

As comfortable as it would be to stay home for the last few hours of the day, the perfect dinner to complete the day means getting cheeseburgers. Not even Deena complains about the idea. After all, she always loved driving around town with Sam in the passenger seat, humming along to the songs on her mixtape, her blonde hair glowing under the streetlights they passed, completely comfortable silence between them, without a destination in mind. 

They park the car at a familiar spot. They eat their cheeseburgers, playfully feed fries to each other, and have a perfectly good time. Conversation flows easily between them, reminiscing of old memories or sharing dreams of a bright future that starts to feel more possible than ever before.

When Sam starts yawning, Deena is quick to point out, “You’re sleepy.”

“Am not,” Sam scoffs in that very particular way that tells Deena her girlfriend is blatantly lying.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, Fraser. How rude,” Deena teases her.

Sam giggles happily in response. She can’t deny she’s looking forward to returning home to Deena’s bed, but she genuinely loves to put up a fight against her girlfriend, no matter how often she ends up losing. 

“I’m very awake,” Sam insists, a knowing look on her face because she can easily predict Deena’s answer.

“Prove it,” Deena says.

Even before she’s done saying the words, Sam is leaning in to kiss her. They kiss, again and again, until Sam whispers against Deena’s lips, “Take me home.”

--

It’s well past midnight when Sam and Deena finally agree that even perfect days must come to an end. They lie in Deena’s bed, facing each other, legs tangled together, often exchanging kisses or sweet words that only exist in that vulnerable space between them.

“Thank you,” Sam whispers. She pushes a stray brown curl behind Deena’s ear, then her hand rests for a moment there on Deena’s cheek, her thumb lovingly caressing her skin.

“I told you,” Deena replies in an equally hushed tone even though they have the entire house for themselves. “You deserve it,” she adds, then she turns her head just enough to place a small kiss to the inside of Sam’s wrist, making the blonde smile timidly.

“I’m not talking about today,” Sam says. She considers explaining that she means she’s saying thank you for absolutely every moment they spent together since they met, but…

“I know,” Deena says. Her smile widens and she adds, “Just so you know, I also enjoyed today, a lot. So thank you too.”

Sam replies with a sweet kiss to Deena’s lips. Then the two of them cuddle closer and slowly, peacefully, happily drift off to a good and restful night of sleep.

[flying-elliska]

Just binge read the Bone Season series by Samantha Shannon and !!!!!! amazing. Now I want to yell about it for a bit, bear with me (essay incoming sorry)

- the concept already, urban fantasy dystopia, just feels both so fresh and so obvious it's surprising it's not more of a Thing, and the world building is next level. the modern technology + Victorian aesthetics is not just cool (although it is) it evokes the fact that Victorian England was a brutal, very unequal and fucked up society, so it really fits a dystopia. Plus Scion is also an evil empire that invades other countries, which is also thematically relevant, as is the fact that the MC is Irish.

- I'm obsessed with the concept of a magical mob and Underworld (unsurprisingly) and people who are pushed to the margins of society because their very existence has been outlawed and bond together to find freedom but are also forced to exist in a state of constant brutality and the damage it all does

- the first book throws a lot of plot and world building at you in ways that can be a bit overwhelming and confusing, and doesn't give you a lot of time to connect emotionally to the characters, so that took me a while, but it's really worth pushing through for, i love them all now.

- I love the main character, Paige, so much. she's a survivor ; clever, witty, action oriented and very down to earth ; she's also very competent in ways that feel earned, and interestingly flawed, not some gratuitous emotionless Strong Female Character with plot armor or a 'not like other girls' complex. She's proud and she has a mean, ruthless streak. She's brave, too loyal for her own good, and impulsive to the point of recklessness, and sometimes her gambles pay off and sometimes she has to pay a very heavy price for them (it made me yell at the page several times). It's really cool to see a female MC that is so invested in the politics of her world. I hate that so many female mains in fantasy or dystopia are these isolated loners who hate politics, only really care about a handful of people and want to retire to their husband/2.5 kids happy ending as fast as possible, with a plot-line that focuses over personal development rather than political goals, because it sends this weird message that women are not meant to be in the public space. (Not making this into a rant about the Shadow and Bone books but lol I could)

Paige has to shoulder massive burdens that nobody in their right mind should want and that's understandable, but you do get the sense that she enjoys being a criminal, running free and scheming and climbing over roofs and outwitting her enemies and sticking it to the government. She doubts herself sometimes, worries about people only valuing her for her powers, but she doesn't have a lot of time to waste on self-consciousness, angsting or moping about her feelings. It's very empowering to read. And she's fiercely compassionate in moments where it's actually very dangerous for her to be. She has this constant struggle between the part of her that finds injustice intolerable and the part of her that is grimly pragmatic. This is exactly what women in fiction have been excluded from for too long, complex dilemmas about action and morality taken seriously, not just love triangle shit. It's great. Although wow does she deserve a break. Ouch. Baby </3

- the world is incredibly fucked up but there seems to be no sexism/homophobia/racism, which is refreshing to read. the main romance is m/f but there's a lot of ambient queerness, just because and not to 'make a point' ; the author has confirmed that the MC is demisexual, her bff is gay, the love interest is pan, there's a badass trans commander/mob boss, you get randomly informed that this henchwoman has a wife or that this mobster is trying to save his boyfriend, it's great (and it's not a word-of-god after the fact thing like jkr it's actually shown on the page, they just don't use any labels)

- the main romance is a slow build that is very low-key at first, enemies to reluctant allies to friends to lovers, but becomes really powerful over time. the fact that the MC is demi means it can't rely on 'omg so hot i can't stop thinking about him!' clichés - nothing wrong with attraction at first sight but it often leads to lazy storytelling and irritating instalove, tell over show romances. the characters are drawn to each other but it's more of a meeting of minds and souls at first, admiration and common goals, and their actions are still first and foremost guided by strategy, not sentiment. (sidenote I've often wondered if i wasn't at least a little demi myself. that would explain why i have such high standards for credible romance lmao.) also there's a significant power imbalance at the start but it gets very much deconstructed before anything can happen and it's an interesting negotiation. Warden could easily have fit in the 'brooding immortal douchebags' category but there's an alienness and gentleness to him that lifts him above that, along with the respect and space he gives to Paige and their shared experience of trauma and hopes for a better world. Her hot-headedness and his calm, deadpan sort-of-humor play off each other really well. Also I love the idea that develops over the series that their connection isn't a distraction from their fight but that it makes them stronger and allows them to resist and find solace from the deluge of constant horror that is their world. their whole dynamic in s4...no words. also the second time i read a scene where one character is bandaging the other's wounds and there's touch aversion involved and like, I LOVE that.

- lots of complex different bad guys. some are just brutes, some are sadistic masterminds with superiority complexes, some are deceptive and manipulative and morally ambiguous. love that the Big Bad Guy is a woman - female characters being fully realized means that sometimes, they're just incredibly evil (as long as it's not tied to their gender, i love that). Paige and Jaxon's relationship is fascinating - he's a terrible, manipulative person but i do feel in his own way, he cares about her and wants to see her thrive ; but that's not necessarily a good thing as he sees it as a justification to make her go through awful things. She knows he's awful but she can't get over the fact that he took her in, taught her, believed in her and gave her a sense of belonging and freedom when nobody else did ; she was super proud of being his mollisher and it makes sense it would take time for her to rebuild her sense of self without that, on her own. I like that the ambiguity isn't resolved (it's also a very good illustration of how emotionally abusive parental dynamics can get their hooks in you). The fact that he's aroace really works there too, could have been a lot creepier otherwise and i feel that's really not the point.

- also it's really cool how each book really feels like its own thing, it never feels repetitive, there are huge twists and a shift of focus each time - the penal colony in Oxford in the first, the London Underworld in the second, traveling through England in the third, Paris in the fourth, etc. The pace is pretty breakneck and i wasn't bored for one moment - actually at times i would have liked more quiet moments w the characters. There are two novellas that focus more on that and the second one is an exploration of trauma and recovery that's particularly hard hitting and beautiful. The first book does feel like a beginner novel, it's a bit clunky in terms of exposition, pacing and character development etc ; and there are moments where all the violence and brutality feel a bit repetitive ; but overall the story builds up so beautifully and in so many complex ways it's just really worth it and it's not for nothing i read the four books and two novellas in five days. just have to wait for the next one now though argh

- anyway more people should read it

[puckinginsane]

Stargazers

Jamie Benn one shot

The moment Jamie knew he was going to propose to his girlfriend he knew he would want to involve her daughter in some way. In every way. He wanted her to be involved as much as possible. Not only does he love Samantha like his own, but he is clueless about how to go about it and Sammy is five years old going on fifteen. She has all of the answers, even to questions he never asks. She’s the perfect partner in crime to plan the perfect proposal for the perfect woman.

He never thought in a million years that he would date a single mom and he sure as hell would never admit to believing in love at first sight, but when he saw her for the first time it was as close as one could get to it. He thought he was in love before. Hell, he thought he’d never fall in love again, but this love is way different. This is that once in a lifetime love you always dream about but never think is actually possible. 

It was three years ago when they first met. Gabriella was out with the ladies of the single moms club she was a part of. Once a month the ladies of the single moms of Dallas club would go out for some fun, food, and drinks. That night they just happened to go to the same Texas Rangers baseball game as Jamie, his brother Jordie, and his friend Justin. It was one last hurrah until Jordie had to leave Dallas for the start of the hockey season. Neither of them had any idea they would be finding true love that night. 

The game had gone into extra innings and both of them had a good amount of drinks over the course of the night, feeling loose, and the Rangers wound up winning. Everyone walking along the concourse was giving the people passing them in the opposite direction high fives in celebration.

Jamie had his hand up high fiving one person after the other after the other. With the alcohol coursing through his veins he was feeling exceptionally personable, he usually keeps to himself and his inner circle exclusively.

When they got to each other they went for the high five, Jamie missing Gabriella’s hand entirely and smacking her in the face, he was horrified. Both of their groups stopped in their tracks to make sure she was ok. Jamie was profusely apologizing while she was laughing her ass off. 

“I am so sorry. I don’t know how that happened. Are you sure you’re ok?” As a professional athlete Jamie is no stranger to high fives and handshakes so it’s lost on him what went wrong, especially when he had connected with every other person  before her. It couldn’t possibly be that just for a second he got lost in her beauty and forgot where he was, right? Perhaps she got lost in his looks too since she missed as well.

“I don’t think anything’s broken. You’re off the hook.” Sure, she could be annoyed that some random guy smacked her in the face, but what’s the point in that? It was clearly an accident. She couldn’t help laughing it off. It was pretty funny, after all. She was still laughing about it, in fact, something that Jamie noticed. 

“I feel terrible. Really. I can’t apologize enough.” He was extremely embarrassed and felt horrible for hitting her.

“No need. I’m fine.” For a few seconds they locked eyes and stared at each other, not saying a word. She let a bit of a smile slip, which made him smile back no matter how hard he tried to fight it. She had finally taken the time to really look at him and realized that this random guy was really handsome. Maybe it really was her lucky night. “Do you wanna try again?”

He looked down at the ground, unsure if he wanted to try again after that. “Oh, I dunno.”

She held her hand up for another high five, hoping he’d go for it. She didn’t want him to leave feeling bad about what happened. It really wasn’t a big deal. If anything it would be a funny story to tell her friends the next day. He softly high fived her with a little grin on his face. He could finally admit to himself that this was a little amusing. 

After talking for a few minutes they started to get herded off by security and before going their separate ways they wound up taking a picture together, with the help of the suggestion by her friend. The picture was cute and it was texted to her right away. She immediately thought about posting it on Instagram. The story had to be told to her friends and family. 

“Are you on Instagram? I’ll tag you in it.”

Jamie hesitated. He wasn't sure he wanted to be tagged, not because he didn’t like her but because he didn’t like the idea of just anyone being able to see it. Justin nudged him, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Live a little.” Jamie continued to be silent so Justin thought he would take matters into his own hands. “It’s jamiebenn14.” He watched as she typed it in. “Two n’s. Yup, like that.” He knew he could always remove the tag before anyone saw and he’d still have her name so Justin’s life was safe. That didn’t stop Jamie from glaring at him, though. “You’re gonna tell your grandkids about this one day. Don’t forget to mention that I helped.” Jamie shoved him and they all had a good laugh as they made their way out to the parking lot.

**

It took Gabriella a few days to send Jamie a message, and after a few weeks of talking back and forth through DMs on Instagram they decided to go on a date. Despite him being pretty shy at first and she was being pretty cautious they felt an instant connection. Jamie immediately let his walls down and became comfortable enough with her to let his personality shine by the end of the night. Gabriella couldn't resist his charm and his dry sense of humor. A sucker for sarcasm, she didn't stand a chance.

They really liked each other after the first date. They didn't want the night to end. They wound up sitting in front of her house talking until morning. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this way about someone, which scared her. She wasn't sure if she was ready for it. Ready to let someone into her life, into her heart. She wasn't sure if she was ready to fall in love again, possibly get hurt again. Him being a professional athlete made it so much more difficult. She wasn't sure if she could handle it, so even though she really liked him she made the decision that she wouldn't see him again.

Jamie’s schedule and him being in the spotlight was something she couldn't get past. She didn't want to spend her days missing someone. She was looking for an eventual partner and she wasn't sure that he could be that for her. She quickly realized that no matter what, she missed him. The more she fought against it, the harder it became to cut him out of her life. Missing him knowing she’d at least be seeing him again is way better than missing him for the rest of her life.

Jamie understood her decision. It's not easy dating a professional athlete. He knew that. Even though she made him happy and he had a sense of freedom to be himself that he never felt with a girl before he had to let her go. It was one of the hardest things he's had to do. He had gotten so used to talking to her at night before bed or after practice or a game. She had become a part of his routine so quickly and he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to push her out of his mind.

Luckily for Jamie he didn't have to figure it out for long. He was on the road when he got the text from her asking if he was busy. Part of him wanted to jump on a plane and fly down to see her but life doesn't work like that. He told her he'd be back in town in five days and the first thing he'd do is take her out to lunch. She hated that she had to wait but it's not like she had a choice. She had been missing him and she'd just have to miss him a little bit longer.

As soon as he got back to Dallas he made good on his promise and took her out to lunch. He was so relieved that she wanted to see him again and hoped that she would be willing to give him a chance to prove that he was worth it and that he'd spend all of his free time making her as happy as she made him. As soon as she walked in the door of the restaurant he gave her the biggest hug and that was it, she was hooked, she knew that even though it will have its challenges life would be so better with him in it than without. Lunch turned to dinner and dinner turned into forever. They both knew that they had found something special and didn’t want to let it go.

**

It took Gabriella a few months to decide when would be a good time for Jamie to meet Samantha. She didn't want to bring someone into her life that would leave, but working around her schedule was getting more and more difficult and she was already falling in love with him. Sammy was two so the concept of boyfriend versus friend wasn't something she would understand anyway. She was comfortable as long as they were careful and moved slowly. 

Jamie was the most nervous he's ever been that day. It just had to go smoothly. He had no reason to be. He has nieces and most of the time he feels more comfortable with kids than adults. But this wasn't just any kid, this was her kid. She had put her trust in him and he didn't want to let her down. It was also really important to him to get along with Samantha because he wanted to be in their lives on a more permanent basis. 

Gabriella was pretty nervous herself. She obviously knew Jamie was aware she was a mom, but he had never actually seen her be a mom. She was worried that maybe once he saw her as a mom that his view of her would change, that maybe he wouldn’t want her anymore, that dating a single mom would be too much for him. She knew Samantha would love him, she loved everyone, and Jamie is easy to love. She had seen how he interacts with kids and knew that he was a natural. She just wasn’t sure if it being her kid would make it different. She loves the way he looked at her and she didn’t want that to change.

He stood in the toy store at the mall trying to find the perfect toy he would give Samantha when he got there, not knowing exactly what the perfect toy would be since he had never met her before. He could hear Gabriella’s voice in his head telling him she’s two and any toy would be fine, but he wanted it to mean something. He finally saw a glimpse of purple and he remembered that she had told him that Samantha was obsessed with anything purple so he grabbed the super soft purple stuffed bunny and knew he found what he was looking for. 

When she opened the door she gave him the warmest hug. All of her hugs are his favorite. They make him feel safe and loved. She saw the bunny in his hand and smiled. “She’s going to love that.”

“I hope so.”

They walked into the living room where Samantha was sitting on the couch and watching cartoons. She turned the TV off so Sam could concentrate on Jamie. Jamie slinked into the room and sheepishly waved to Samantha before squatting down in front of her. “Hi, I’m Jamie, it’s nice to finally meet you. I brought you a bunny.”

He handed her the bunny and she took it from him and hugged it. “Popo bunyee.” Her way of saying purple bunny. It melted his heart.

Gabriella sat down on the couch next to Samantha. “Can you say thank you to Jamie?”

Samantha climbed down off of the couch. “Fank you, Damie.” She hugged him and that was it for him, he was in love with the little girl and her mom.

“You’re very welcome. I hope you like it.”

Gabriella smiled proudly at how well her daughter did. “We’ve been working on saying your name.” 

“You have?”

“We have.”

"That's so...I love you." That was the first time he had said it to her. He wasn't planning on telling her right then and there but he just couldn't hold it in any longer. 

She had been wanting to hear those words from him since the moment they met. She was too scared to tell him first, unsure if he felt the same way, worried about jumping the gun. "I love you too."

Samantha too had to get in on the loving action, being the little sponge brain that she was and repeating a lot of what her mom would say. A little “I love you” squeaked out and made both her and Jamie laugh. It was right then and there that Jamie decided that these two were his family and he was never going to let them go.

**

There came a point in their relationship that they decided that the back and forth just wasn’t working for them anymore. He didn’t want to sleep alone. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye to Gabriella or Samantha. Between his busy schedule and her trying to find some free time, living apart was more trouble than it was worth. It was time to move in together. They had multiple conversations about it, making sure that it was the right thing for them and for Samantha. They were on the same page. This is what they both needed and wanted. Samantha was young enough where she would adapt easily and it would soon become the only life she’d know.

Not only was it getting hard on her to say goodbye, but it was getting harder and harder on Samantha. She was too young to understand why Jamie kept leaving and seeing her cry every time was breaking his heart.

In preparation to officially ask her he cleared out one of the bedrooms that he thought would be perfect for Samantha and painted the walls lavender. He couldn't be more excited about it. They had plenty of discussions about the possibility of moving in together so he had no doubts she'd say yes. He wanted to make this grand gesture to show that Samantha was just as important to him as she was, not that there was any doubt, she knew.

Sometimes he would have date nights alone with Gabrielle and other times the three of them would have a nice night together. This was one of those nights where they were going to his house for dinner and a movie. Jamie had it all planned out, a movie for Samantha and a movie for the grownups for after she falls asleep. Usually they would have dinner delivered if they stayed in, but that night he would be cooking for them.

As soon as he opened the door Samantha's arms were around his leg. She always made sure she was the first to give him hugs. He picked her up and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Hey munchkin! Are you ready for date night?"

"Yes!" Samantha exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck. 

He peeked around her at Gabriella. "Oh, hey, you're here too." 

"Someone had to drive your girlfriend here."

He smiled before carrying Samantha inside and placing her down on the couch so he could give Gabriella a proper greeting. "You can stay if you want," he teased as he hugged her. 

“Imagine if you were actually as funny as you think you are,” she quips back. She always puts him in his place when he’s being sassy and sarcastic, one of the many reasons he fell in love with her. She never fails to make him laugh. And laugh he did before cradling her face in his hands and kissing her tenderly. It was then she realized she could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. “Are you cooking?”

“I thought we could stay in tonight. Is that ok?”

“It smells great. It’s perfectly ok.”

His plan was to ask her after dinner but he started to get anxious and knew he wouldn’t be able to act normal or concentrate while they ate so he checked the timer to make sure he had enough time to show her right then, and he did, so he picked Samantha up. “I have something to show you guys upstairs.”

She followed behind him up the stairs, curious as to what he was up to and not a clue what it could be. They stepped into the room and she was taken aback, knowing that the room was painted for Samantha. There could be no other explanation. Samantha looked around the room with wonder. So much purple. It was a room Samantha was already familiar with since she would sleep in it if they stayed over, which didn’t happen too often. Gabriella looked at Jamie in disbelief, waiting for an explanation.

“I know we’ve been talking about moving in together so I wanted to take the first step. Do you think we could start moving her stuff in here?”

She couldn’t help laughing to herself at the way he was asking, of course it was about Samantha. She hugged him so tight. She could never begin to thank him for treating Samantha as his own the way that he does. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

He kissed her forehead with all of the love in his heart. “I’m asking both of you to move in with me. I don’t want to live another day where I’m watching you walk out that door and I sleep alone.”

She rubbed her thumb along Samantha’s cheek. “What do you think? Should we live with Jamie?”

“Yeah. Live with Jamie.”

“You heard the girl. We’re moving in.”

Jamie could not have been happier while he squeezed both of his girls and kissed them all over their faces. He could have stood in that moment forever but the alarm on his phone went off. Dinner was ready. He kissed them both one more time and they headed back downstairs to celebrate. 

**

Gabriella still goes out with the girls once a month and when that time comes Jamie and Samantha always plan a fun night together. Tonight is no different, except Jamie has done all of the planning. Tonight is the night he asks Samantha if it would be ok with her to ask her mom to marry him. He has been thinking long and hard about how he was going to do it, what he would say, where he would take her, and he hasn’t been able to figure it out on his own. Asking Samantha for her help seems like the perfect way to include her, and it couldn’t hurt getting her opinion on how he should go about doing it.

He loves his nights with Samantha. They have so much fun together. He sees so much of Gabriella in Samantha. He thinks she’s the most incredible mother and can’t wait to add to their little family. First thing’s first, though, he has to ask her to marry him. He wanted to make it as special for Samantha as he could so he ordered a single rose from his go to flower company. They put it in a little box, where it lasts a very long time. Of course he had to get a purple rose, as it still is her favorite color.

Luckily for Jamie Samantha has picked up his affinity for Mexican food and his favorite Mexican restaurant has become hers too. He has no doubts that this is where he’d take her, this is where they go during most of their date nights. She thinks they’re a little obsessed. Jamie just likes to stick with what he knows is good. Samantha is just happy to be there and isn’t too picky about food.

The whole time they’re at dinner all Jamie wants to do is go back home and tell her the big news. The flower has already been delivered. He already has the ring. He can’t wait to see Samantha’s face when he tells her. Over the last three years they have become so close and he just considers her his daughter. He’s been the only man in her life that she can remember so as far as she’s concerned he’s her dad. She does know that her biological dad is out there somewhere and that Jamie isn’t that to her, and she’s still a little too young to understand the extent of it, but to her he’s the whole world.

After dinner and dessert Jamie and Samantha go home and for some reason he’s a little nervous. He’s not sure why. He’s been thinking about this for months. He had bought the ring. Talking to Samantha about it should be the easiest part. He looks in the rear view mirror at her smiling and singing along to the radio in the back seat. He can’t believe that this is his life sometimes and he feels incredibly lucky that he gets to love them and to be loved by them. 

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks knowing full well what’s going to be happening next. He’s still curious to see what she has in mind for the rest of their night.

“Moana and popcorn.”

He chuckles. He doesn’t know why he thought it would be any different. She is obsessed with Moana. She watches it so much that he pretty much knows the whole movie by heart. It is thanks to her that he has the soundtrack in a playlist on Spotify. He doesn’t mind, though, it’s a good movie. “You got it, munchkin.” They could do that after he tells her about the proposal.

“Can you dress up like Maui for Halloween?”

"Halloween isn't for another few months."

"I still want you to dress up as Maui in a few months."

"Who would mom be?"

She goes into a fit of giggles. "The grandma."

He has to fight a laugh. "I'm not sure she'd like that idea."

“But the grandma is awesome.” The mischievous smile on her face reveals she knows exactly what she’s insinuating by suggesting the grandma.

“I see that smile, missy.” She giggles even more. "How about me and mommy dress up like Moana's mom and dad?"

She scrunches her face up. "No way. Maui's fun. Moana's dad is mean."

"I don't think he is mean. He just worries about Moana and wants her to be safe."

"But she did it. She never would have learned if she didn't go."

He pauses for a few beats. That is a very smart and mature takeaway by this little girl. She's growing up way too fast. "You're right about that. Maybe mom can be Moana too. That would be cute.”

“Hmmmm. I guess that would be ok.”

"I'll be Maui for you." There was never a real chance that he wouldn't do it. He would do anything that little girl asked him to do if it meant making her happy.

"Yay! Thank you, Jamie."

“You’re very welcome.”

“Can you play the Moana song?”

Normally he may put up a fight since they are about to go home and watch the movie but he’s in an exceptionally good mood. She could ask for a pony right now and he'd probably say yes. She sings along to all of the songs the whole way home and Jamie hums along with her. He could not be happier than he is right now. He loves singing in the car with his daughter. That’s how he refers to her because that’s how he sees her. 

When they get inside the house Samantha runs to her room to get her favorite movie watching blanket while Jamie takes the opportunity to get the flower and the ring from his room. He places the flower on the coffee table in front of the couch and keeps the ring box in his pocket to reveal later. He gets the popcorn and bowl out so he can make it for them after they talk. He knows if he put the movie on right away she’d be too distracted.

She runs into the living room and jumps onto the couch next to Jamie. “Got my blankie!”

He smiles with every muscle in his face. He loves how excited she gets for movie night, especially when it’s Moana. “I see. Can we share?” He’s a little amused that she hasn’t noticed the flower on the table yet. He watches her to see her face when it finally happens.

“Yeah, we can share.” She drapes as much of her little blanket as she can on him, which only covers his thigh.

He kisses the top of her head. “Thanks, munchkin.”

She finally spots the flower and her whole face lights up. “What is that?” She asks excitedly. “It’s so pretty! Can I see it?”

He picks the flower up and hands it to her. “It’s for you.”

She holds it right in front of her face, eyes as wide as saucers. “It is?”

He nods. “Mhmm. Because I love you so much and I have a really important question to ask you.”

She smiles the sweetest smile. “I love you too, Jamie. What’s the question?”

“I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I asked mommy to marry me.”

She shrieks at the top of her lungs, making Jamie wince. “For real?”

He pulls her into his lap. “For real. It’s time, don’t you think?”

She nods vigorously. "It's definitely time."

He smiles from ear to ear. "So it would be ok with you if I asked her to marry me?"

"It's so ok, Jamie." She squeals. "I can't believe it!" She throws her arms around his neck and gives him the biggest hug that she can. "This is the best day of my life!"

He smiles and boops her nose. “Mine too. I’m gonna need your help figuring out how to ask her.”

“You do? Hm.” She taps her chin with her finger as she thinks. “It has to be super romantic.”

“She deserves the best proposal and I’m not too sure what that would be. We met at the Rangers game. Should I do it at a Rangers game? That might be fun.”

She shakes her head. “She would kill you if you did it in front of all those people.”

“I could do it in a suite, just the two of us, but maybe you’re right.”

“Not romantic enough. You need fireworks, and balloons, and flowers, and candles, and and and and, you know, romantic stuff.”

He chuckles. “Romantic stuff, eh? I think fireworks might be a bit much, but maybe you’re onto something with the candles and flowers.”

“She loves you a whole bunch, Jamie. I think she’d be happy with anything.”

“She’s pretty special and she deserves special. I want her to know how much she means to me, how much both of you mean to me.”

“She knows.”

“But it’s always nice to hear anyway, isn’t it?” He nudges her and she giggles from the tickles. “Should I take her out or just stay here?” Part of him hopes she says do it at home since that’s where he’s more comfortable. After thinking about it, that’s where he’s leaning anyway. 

“She likes when you cook.”

“Alright. So, I’ll cook her dinner and it could be a nice quiet night, just the two of us.”

“Quiet and romantic.”

“Yes, of course, romantic.” He has an ear to ear smile. He loves how enthusiastic she is about it. He didn’t really worry that she’d have a problem with it but it’s good to know she’s on board. Samantha’s approval is all he really cares about. “I’ll get a bunch of candles and those lilies she likes.”

“And a ring.”

“I have the ring already.”

She lets out a little gasp. “You do?”

“Mhmm. Do you want to see it?”

She bounces with excitement. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

He sits her down next to him, reaches into his pocket and pulls the ring box out. “I think she’s really going to love it.” He opens the box to reveal the ring he has spent months picking out. “What do you think?”

“I love it. It’s perfect. Mommy’s going to freak out.”

“Do you think she’s going to say yes?” A question he’s only asking for Samantha’s reaction. He isn’t really worried about it. They talk about their life together all of the time.

“She’d be crazy not to. She loooooooves you. Love, love, loves you.”

He can’t help smiling wide. “That’s good to know. I love, love, love her too. And you know who else? You. I Love, love, love you.”

She hugs him. “I love you too. Can we watch Moana now?”

He belly laughs. “Yes we can.”

**

Two long weeks Jamie has waited for this day. Two long weeks of preparing and planning his proposal. He’s ordered the flowers and the candles. He’s bought the food he’s going to make. He has dropped off Samantha at her grandparents’ for the night. He has the ring. He has an idea of what he’s going to say. He just needs the girl. She’s been at work and he’s just waiting for her to come home. 

The living room is filled with various sized candles, all unscented. He almost made the mistake of buying scented candles, which would mask the natural scent of the lilies. The lights are off and the candles illuminate the room on their own, exactly how he wanted it to look. He ordered so many stargazer lilies that he could open his own flower shop. The irony of the name is not lost on him as he is on the Dallas Stars and these are her favorite flowers, something they both had a good laugh about when he asked her what her favorite flower is before their first Valentine’s Day together. They are a beautiful flower and they do smell amazing. He could see why she loves them so much. The whole house is filled with the aroma of the lilies and he can’t say he minds it one bit. 

He put on a white button down and slacks. He’s not sure if it’s necessary to get dressed up but it feels right. This isn’t just some regular dinner, this is the most important dinner of his life. The ring box is burning a hole in his pocket. He’s starting to get a little anxious and wonders if he got everything ready too soon. He’s not sure if he should cook now and ask after or ask first and then cook. He can’t exactly concentrate right now, though, so after he asks it will have to be. He begins to pace around the living room, checking the time every few seconds until the door opens and she walks in. Immediately a calm washes over him and he smiles. 

She looks around the room at all of the candles and all of the flowers in amazement and a little bit of shock. “What’s going on?”

“Is something different?” He can’t help being his usual sarcastic self, even when he’s about to propose.

“Jame.”

“Gab.”

She finally starts to move and walk around the room. Obviously he’s up to something but she’s too blown away to realize what’s about to happen. She stops to smell each of the bouquets of flowers. “Where’s Samantha?”

“Your parents have her for the night.” He takes her by the hand and pulls her into a hug. She melts in his arms. He always gives her the warmest hug every time she gets home, whether if she’s gone for a few minutes or hours. 

“Is that so?” An ear to ear smile creeps along her face. “What’s the occasion?”

"You." He kisses her with every fiber of his being. It’s a kiss that knocks them both off their feet. One of those unforgettable kisses that they’ll remember 60 years from now, and they’ll feel it then too. It leaves them both breathless, which gives him time to compose himself. What he says next is going to be the most important words he’s ever said in his life and he wants to make sure he gets it right. She’s perfect and she deserves perfect. “You are the most loving, funny, down to earth, amazing woman I’ve ever met. Sometimes I don’t know why you put up with me but I’m so thankful that you do. The way you love me...I didn’t know love like that existed. You are my happy place, my calm place, my whole world. You and that incredible daughter of yours. I couldn’t imagine my life without you both. You’re my family, and I want to add to that family some day.” He reaches into his pocket, hands shaking, not sure if he should say more. He could talk for hours about how great she is and why he loves her, but none of those words would do her justice. He takes a deep breath before getting down on one knee and opening the ring box. “Will you marry me? Sammy said it was ok to ask you.”

She laughs through her tears. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

His eyes crinkle as he smiles the biggest smile he’s ever smiled in his life. He takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto her finger before standing up and kissing her. “I love you.”

She hugs around his neck and kisses him once more. “I love you too.” She admires the ring as it sparkles from the reflection of the lights from the candles that surround them. “It’s so beautiful.”

He rests his forehead against hers. “I’m glad you like it.”

She plays with the ends of his hair. “Did you really ask Samantha if it was ok?”

“Mhmm.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t want her here for this. You two peas in a pod.”

He takes her hand in his and slow dances with her to only the music in his head. “I want you all to myself tonight.” He pulls her up against him. “My fiancé.”

She smiles. “I love the sound of that.”

He kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. “Me too.”

[thefanficmonster]

Death’s Tales

The Curator (The Dark Pictures Anthology) x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None (Maybe slight spoilers and slight mentions of death)

Genre: Dark Theme, slight Angst

Summary: This isn’t Y/N’s first visit to the Curator’s repository. She’s visited two times so far and deep down she knows she’ll keep coming back. Stories have a way of trapping you in the place where they live. But then again, it’s nice to have some good company for when you are introduced to those stories. Someone to laugh with during all the humorous parts. And also someone to offer you tissues when you are going through the thick of the lives written on the pages of the many books.

Requested by Anon! Hi there! Thank you so much for your request! Sorry it took so long to write, though I hope the fic makes up for the wait. I hope I captured what you had in mind. Please, enjoy. Love, Vy ❤❤❤

“Hello? You here?!“ Y/N calls out as she walks into familiar room. She immediately gets the feeling that she’s in the presence of a more intense power than she could explain - the power of all the timeless stories currently surrounding her. This is by no means her first tango with the deathless death turned into words written on thin, delicate pages for people to enjoy. She has always had an odd connection to each and every story she reads, so this place was the ultimate trap when she first wandered in, expectations low and head held high. She underestimated the repository, however, it didn’t take long for it to turn the tables on her with all it has to offer. In less than an hour, she had her nose buried in a book, her expectations exceeded by miles and her mind transported to a different place and time.

“Where else would I be?” The distinct voice she’s gotten so used to hearing replies from somewhere near by, “You know I rarely leave this place.”

 “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that’s a sad way to be spending your time. But man, if I could stay here all my life I would.“ She struts into the room where the reply came from.

He is indeed there, standing by one of the many shelves, a candleholder with lit handles in one hand, browsing the shelf’s contents with the other. He chuckles at her statement, brushing it off completely, “I was waiting for you. Have a seat, I’ll pick a story for you.”

She gets comfortable, unwrapping her scarf and shrugging off her jacket. Sitting down in one of the leather chairs opposite his desk, she crosses her legs and waits expectantly.

“Ah, there we go. ‘House Of Ashes’, how does that sound to you?” He pulls out a book, holding it under the candlelight for Y/N to see the cover with the title engraved in the, what seems to be, leather surface.

She frowns, scrunching her nose, “You know what, no. I’m tired of these sad and scary stories laced with death. I can’t live knowing I gave those characters a bad fate. I know it’s redo-able, but I can’t help but feel shitty afterwards.” She shifts in her seat, “First all those people left stranded on that boat! Then I was tricked into sympathizing and emotionally investing into characters that were nothing more than the product of a broken mind!” She gives him a glare that’s looking through him more than at him, “I think I deserve a different story this time. Something lighter.”

The older man chuckles. “I was gonna have you choose between this one and this other oldie I have,” he points at the desk where another book is already sitting, “it’s a longer story, I might have mentioned it before.” Y/N reads the title ‘The Impatient’ engraved in the olive green cover of the large book, “But that’s not in any way lighter either. I would even say it’s among the more depressive ones.“ He pauses for a second, returning ‘House Of Ashes’ in its spot, “Perhaps I could find a story of a less melancholic premise.”

“Wait.“ She lifts her hand, putting his actions to a halt, “Why don’t we change it up for once? How about you tell me a story instead of reading me one?“

He’s very clearly taken aback by this. “I’m afraid an old man like myself doesn’t have a lot to share. Especially not when I’ve spent a rather big chunk of my life in this very place, doing this very thing.”

Y/N shakes her head, “Quite the contrary, mister Curator. I believe you have way more stories than all the people my age combined.” She smirks, “Don’t worry, I won’t tattle if you have some dirt on your name. What is it? Robbery? Fraud? Murder?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I am not that interesting.“ He chuckles, settling in his chair. “But I believe I could tell you the story of the only time I helped someone directly rather than through the riddles you hate so much.“

She’s clearly pleased with the outcome of her protest. She gives him a smile, “I’m all ears.“

He can’t help but shake his head at her child-like enthusiasm for something so simple. He’s determined to make it worth her while, so he digs through the contents of his brain, looking for the most interesting memories he has stored there - the ones that would entertain her. Eventually, he comes up with one.

“Have I ever mentioned my dear friend Alan to you, by any chance?“

Y/N thinks for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, but as usual, you were very vague.”

He chuckles, “I know you hate not being given details, so I’m gonna make sure not to leave anything out.” He absentmindedly picks up the pen on his desk, twirling it between his fingers, “Well, a brief introduction to our character Alan: he’s a psychiatrist. A year or two younger than me. He’s from Calgary. I met him in my mid-thirties, when I was still what some would consider young.” He smiles at the pleasant memory.

Y/N fakes shock, placing a hand over her chest, “You mean to tell me there was time when you, the Curator, were young? You can’t be serious. I refuse to believe that.”

“I was. And I was quite handsome, mind you.“ He takes out his wallet, opening it and handing it to Y/N. On the right, covered by a thin layer of clear plastic is a black and white photo of two men in their early to mid forties.

“You’re the one on the left, right?” She asks, staring at the photo wide eyes, looking up at him for confirmation. He nods in response. “Wow, I honestly wouldn’t have recognized you.” 

“Understandably so. Time has really taken a toll on me.“ He actually looks saddened when he says that. She can tell that was less a joke and more the truth.

“I wouldn’t say so.“ She tells him sincerely, a small genuine smile on her lips.

He returns her smile, his eyes becoming a bit livelier. “Him and I are still friends till this day. He’s a walking book of stories, I’m sure you’d like him if you ever get the chance to meet him. You see, he has spoken to me about all his patients, never once naming one of them. Until this on young man had come into his office. He was struggling with issues medicine in and of itself couldn’t completely fix. His name was Joshua. The boy was having a really tough time dealing with the loss of his sisters.” He sighs at the memory, “Alan told me he tried everything. He tried all things his years of practice and work have taught him but the boy was slowly sinking further and further down into the void of his mind.“

His voice is way different from his usual narrator tone. You can hear the weight of the events he’s reciting in every syllable that leaves his lips. She is now an accomplice, exactly like if she were there when it all happened.

“It was troubling my friend to the brink of madness, I couldn’t just stand aside and watch that. Also that kind young man, Joshua, deserved a lot better than what life was giving him. Every branch that poor boy held onto snapped. Everything he ever tried to make of himself crumbled. I admired him for the fact that he kept trying and seeking a way to succeed. What he failed to see was the obvious need for help he had. He was longing for a helping hand but no one noticed, or they simply didn’t care. Except this one girl. Her name was Samantha. She saw right through his act. But he never allowed her helping hand to reach him. He never wanted to be a weight on her shoulders. Never wanted to be nor the bump in her road nor the baggage she carried while walking it. So, I stepped in. I taught him the importance of having someone by your side, and taught her the importance of never giving up on someone who means a lot to you. Luckily for themselves and for Alan and I, they listened.“

“Forget about Alan, I want to meet Joshua and Samantha. I want to meet them and give them a big hug.“ Y/N says, her mind wandering to the images she has compiled. A broken boy and a girl with the strength to carry both her and his world in her arms. She can quite see their face, but she can picture their auras, their energies. They feel so real to her, and all just from the Curator’s words alone.

Soon enough, her eyelids start giving out, her eyes fluttering closed. She’s fighting to the best of her ability to stay awake, see this story to its end, but the Curator’s storytelling and the dark, candlelit room aren’t helping her with the battle. Her mind is drifting further and further into the land where the story she’s being told will keep expanding with elements added by her imagination. She’s certain she’ll dream of this tale.

“Oh you’re already clocking out, huh?“ The Curator chuckles, pausing his story mid-sentence.

“Can’t help it.“ Y/N mumbles, already more than half asleep, “Just tell me how it ends, you’ll fill in the gaps when I wake up.“

“Well, it hasn’t ended yet. I can tell you where it’s at at the moment.“ She hums approvingly, “It’s been five years since I stepped in and now they are happily married. They have a little one on the way. A little girl, I believe.“

A lazy smile forms on her face. “That’s nice.” the words leave her lips in the form of a sleepy sigh moments before she has been dragged into the deepest crevasses of her mind and imagination.

The Curator calmly and quietly gets up, taking his jacket from the coatrack. He drapes it over the girl asleep in the armchair on the other side of his desk. Little does this college student know, he has seen both her past and future. He has met her in several different periods of her life. She’s been like her own personal guardian angel. In her past-lives too.

Guardian angel of death.

He was lucky to have met Alan before that curse was bestowed upon him - making the psychiatrist the only man he could interact with without bringing him a sooner than anticipated and inevitable demise. He wasn’t completely honest with Y/N about the time frame of meeting the other man, but that was not an important piece of information. She could do without it. He used the only hall-pass he had to do his old friend a favor - settle the storms that raged between Joshua and Samantha. And now, he’s locked away from the world, waiting for souls to come to him instead of the other way around.

Nowadays, he just stays hidden from people and only meets with those who wander into his repository. It’s always the same pattern: they come in, not really sure how they ended up there; He coaches them through a story they think they have some sort of impact on; and then they leave and never come back.

Color the man surprised when he saw her walk in the first time. It took him no time to connect the dots, he’d recognize her anywhere. She wasn’t clueless like the others, she actually seemed like she was looking for the place. He spent the next week or so feeling like he had failed the only purpose he had - to keep her safe. That was until she showed up again, even cheerier than the first time. That’s when he knew he shouldn’t fear for her, for she was a phenomenon beyond his understanding. A soul never in death’s reach.

“I hope you never get to see the same fate as everyone else who meets me.“ He whispers, looking down at her sleeping form.

He knows she’s special. After all, he never has never met anyone more than once.

[wardens-stew]

The Mask Falling Hints MASTERPOST

Clearly I have wayyy too much time on my hands! 

I have compiled a list of information Samantha Shannon has divulged on social media about The Mask Falling, mostly paraphrased from her Tumblr and Twitter. Some of it dates back as far as 2016, so it’s not certain that all of it will happen - I’ve included an asterisk for the tidbits in which Samantha explicitly mentioned that it was pre-editing. I didn’t include a link to the original source because that would be too much work, but if anyone has questions I can probably find it pretty easily! The recent ARC reviews also include some hints, but I haven’t included them because that would be a crap-ton of text. Feel free to add anything I missed! Anyway enjoy the fruits of my obsession! 

Hints:

We will find out how badly Warden was affected by Paige’s torture - there’s a lot about the effects of her torture in the book 

The non-binary character is a free-world spy, pretending to be French 

Paige has issues with drinking water and showering 

Paige will make another valiant effort to get Warden to talk about his feelings 

Paige’s demisexuality is clarified -  she reflects on the way she wants in comparison to the way the allosexual Nick and Eliza do

Paige gets slammed into the wall by someone, but not Terebell (also not Warden, because then she would be very dead) 

The grey market storyline continues

Etymological connection of Arcturus meaning bear-guard and Mahoney meaning descendant of the bear is worked into the books 

Paige cries

Paige’s PTSD is a thread throughout the book 

Paige has mental and physical difficulties following her torture 

“The scope of everything gets bigger, there's more focus on the free world and how it interacts with Scion, and you'll find out more about Rephaite history and the origin of clairvoyance.”

You may figure out what happened to Procyon

Warden’s aura type is mentioned*

Paige starts calling Warden Arcturus. They have a discussion about it. But she keeps calling him Warden in front of other people. 

The prologue begins about an hour after The Song Rising 

Warden asks Paige to teach him Irish

Contains clues as to the big secret at the heart of the series 

Warden does a few very sweet things

We’ll find out a reason why Nashira considers Warden a possession rather than a partner*

Paige is at her most fragile

One of the characters eats an orange

There is a distinct Priory parallel in one section of the story

Paige asks Warden if Rephaim can get drunk 

We will find out if Rephaim can get physically ill

We’ll get a piece of information that may help us understand the Rephaite logic behind Warden feeding on Paige’s aura 

More about the golden cord

Paige’s feelings with her father will be explored 

We will find out why it was common knowledge amongst Rephaim that Terebell and Warden were once mated 

Warden might tell us what would happen if he tried to eat

More about voyant-amaurotic sex will be explained 

We will learn more about the Rephaim’s internal politics and conflicts 

We get to see Paige’s birthday

We we’ll find out how Warden knows how to develop Paige’s gift*

Paige and Warden butt heads over right and wrong 

We’ll find out why Warden said that Sargas are the only Rephs who choose their mates

We’ll find out more about the half-urge

We’ll find out more about the complicated history between Warden and Terebell

Warden is planning to learn Gaelic (pre-editing)

We’ll find out two of the reasons why Warden hates Nashira so much*

We’ll find out about the promise Warden made to Nashira that she alludes to before the Bicentary

Warden says something with an exclamation mark

Warden will tell us more about the memory of Terebell, and how it was a prelude to one of the defining moments of his existence 

Paige visits Warden’s dreamscape a few times, but we only see it once

Paige addresses the author directly 

Nick isn’t in the book at all

The plot takes place only in Paris

Paige dies her hair red

A character Samantha did not originally plan to be in TBS4 now is

There’s a big scene in the Sainte-Chapellle in Paris

The book is shaping up to be the darkest book in the series, but also contains the most jokes 

Paige feels really ill for most of the book 

Samantha starts hinting at the Grand Backstory of the series 

Paige is under strict orders to stay inside for a month, but she breaks the rules to explore Paris 

The main antagonist was born in “the burning summer of 2019”

We’ll find out about two of Warden’s past relationships 

Paige and Warden have to get food deliveries from a guy called Albéric because they’re not allowed to go outside 

There’s espionage 

Warden uses the super unnecessary word “sennight”

A lot of the book takes place underground

We learn if a non-polyglot could ever learn Gloss 

There is a Very Awkward Conversation*

There is a time skip between the fourth and fifth books

Warden smiles a lot… with his eyes

The ending will change everything 

Scion must change its public face due to an event that happens at the end

People who liked The Mime Order will love it

TBS4 picks up when Paige is resting.

It will go into more detail about how Rephaim emerge

It marks the beginning of Beautiful Dresses in The Bone Season 

It introduces a Rephaite character Samantha absolutely loves, with her favorite Rephaite name 

There’s a scene Samantha has wanted to write for years 

The ending is very dark 

There’s a cute priory reference 

There’s a character Samantha loves - “she’s so cool that I don’t know how a nerd like me invented her”

“The relationship between Warden and Paige gets deeper and more complicated in this one, and you get to know Warden a little better.”

“[Paige and Warden] are together a lot in this book, as they’re sharing a safe house in Paris. It’s the first time they’ve spent a significant amount of time with one another since they escaped Sheol I.  You’ll actually glimpse the ways they both react to being stuck inside in The Mask Falling, as they’re meant to stay hidden in a safe house for a month so Paige can start to recover from her ordeal.”

“It’s a love song to Paris in the way The Mime Order was a love song to London.”

“[Paige and Warden do have some happy calm moments.] Although there’s a lot of action in the book, there’s also quite a lot of downtime. Paige is still recovering from her ordeal in the Archon, so she can’t always be out in the world kicking ass. She’s resting as well, trying to get her strength back.”

“I won’t lie, The Mask Falling is a book to fear . . . but there are some nice bits. Including some coffee-drinking.”

“[Paige and Warden] do so much in this book. So much.”

“Most of the characters who didn’t go to Paris are absent from TBS4.”

“Paige and Warden do so much in this book, I just couldn’t cram any other storylines in. However, several old friends do turn up in it, as well as a bunch of new characters I hope you’ll love as much as I do.”

“Paige [experiences the messiest-most-intense emotion in TBS4]. She goes through the emotional wringer in this one.”

“The second ‘arc’ has the same main characters and the same antagonist. The difference has more to do with the setting, the scope of the narrative, and the type of battle being fought against Scion. You’ll have a better idea of what I mean when you read the end of TBS4.”

“This book puts both [Paige and Warden] through the emotional wringer, but there are lighter parts as well.” “Nick meets an old friend while he’s in Sweden and Paige and Warden will be staying in central Paris, on Rue Gît-le-Cœur. You can see some of the locations from Book 4 here: [x]”

“TBS4 is basically just a long Hurt/Comfort piece with occasional and reluctant splashes of Action/Adventure”

“THE MASK FALLING leans a little more Adult than the other BONE SEASON books. The whole series is officially classified as Adult, but the first three aren't far off YA in terms of sexual content, violence etc. THE MASK FALLING is . . . maybe a tiny bit sexier.”

“Doing my final reread of THE MASK FALLING and naturally I've noticed a recurring phrase that I have used no less than thirty times in the manuscript.”

“It blows the world of The Bone Season right open. It’s where everything changes. It takes place in a brand-new setting and forms the bridge between the two ‘arcs’ of the series. I hope the ending will show readers get why I really do need seven instalments to tell this story.”

“Books 1-4 is what I call the “Scion arc”, but Scion is still a threat in Books 5-7. Book 4 is kind of in the middle, with more of a focus on Rephaim than there currently is in Book 3.”

“He’s in Book 4, he’s French, he’s voyant, and I’m writing his introduction scene now. I think I love him?”

“The draft is about 140 000 words long – a little shorter than The Mime Order – with a veritable tonne of action, espionage, international politics, eerie catacombs, old enemies, new friends, and messy, intense emotions packed into that word count.” 

“This one combines my favourite elements of The Bone Season (Warden and Paige chats), The Mime Order (syndicate weirdness) and The Song Rising (heists and angst)”

“The fourth Bone Season book is well underway, and things are about to take a very dark turn for Paige.”

“It’s mostly focused on Paris, but you’ll find out bits and pieces about what’s happening in both England and Europe.”

“She’s suffering from PTSD and aquaphobia following her water torture in The Song Rising, so she’s pretty much in the ringer for the whole book. There are a few light moments, but she’s under a lot of stress from the start.”

“While I wouldn't call it spy fiction, TBS4 is delving into espionage territory as Warden and Paige, still exhausted from their tremendous efforts against Scion in The Song Rising, attempt to navigate the convoluted political and criminal networks of Scion Paris.”

“Book 4 is a touch more political, laced with subterfuge”

Lists:

Things you’ll see:

The carrières of Paris

A masquerade (ofc)

A mysterious character you haven’t seen in a long while

Arcturus Mesarthim saying ‘hm’ about 18 times

Five words:

Revelations

Politics

Water

Heartache

War

Three adjectives:

Macabre

Emotional

Seismic

There is a lot of:

Warden and Paige

Rain

Classy interior decor

Angst

New characters include:

A spy so fashionable and icy cool I’m unsure of how a nerd like me created her

A tall, irritable Frenchman with a bit of a God complex

A terrifying new Rephaite with an uncomfortably sexy voice

It has:

A Parisian underworld 

A demisexual MC 

A masquerade ball 

Catacombs 

Forbidden, angst-stricken desire 

Verbal consent 

Acknowledgement of periods 

I can promise:

Parisian buildings TOURISTS LOVE. Notre-Dame? It's there, there's a masquerade INSIDE IT. Sainte-Chapelle? Oui. Versailles? Naturally. The Eiffel Tower? Oh, we're climbing it 

Getting DOWN and DIRTY. (By which I mean literally, down, into the catacombs.)

People who arrive in Paris SPEAKING FRENCH because they have been given a job for which they have the correct SKILLSET *bangs table* 

No crêpes (#OhCrepe), but CHAUSSONS AUX POMMES 

ROOFTOP PICNIC 

Not everyone is STRAIGHT 

Chic OUTFITS, all quite filthy by the end

Locations: 

The beautiful Sainte-Chapelle, my favourite place on Earth. 

Rue Gît-le-Cœur, a major location in the book and previously home to the Beat Hotel.

The famous doorway in the Paris Catacombs. The inscription translates to 'Stop! This is the Empire of Death.' 

Rue Montmartre, where we may or may not encounter an old face. 

Preview in gifs:

Originally posted by cinemagraphs

Originally posted by queeniegoldtsein

Originally posted by cumlelerinruhu

Snippets:

Out-of-context chapter title: Chapter 3: Gloomy Coffee

Part names*: 

1. To Pay Thee Free

2. Turn the Anchor

3. Eurydice

Quotes:

“What the fuck is that?” she whispered to me. “Looks like a frozen rainbow.”

“The horizon was as red as if the fire still burned. I watched the sunrise from the roof. Fog breathed into every nook and alcove of Paris, laced over the dark crests of the river, blanched the skin to the pink of salmon. I was sure the air was still spiced with the tang of smoke.”

“So,” he said, “we are choosing larceny.” “Always so surprised when his criminal friend commits crimes.”

“I wouldn’t usually care who you’re riding at any given time”

“I sensed all of this was very important, but I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about”

“I picked up the floundering ribbons of my dignity and started over”

“His home was in decay, and mine lay in the shadow of the anchor. Scion had made wanderers of us.”

Current opening line (circa Dec 18, 2018): “The sun had been climbing over the cliffs when our ship had pared away from Dover.”

“Someone who had heard of me and whose first response had not been to try to kill me. What a treat.”

“A hollow ache stretched out within me. It started in the chambers of my heart, in a place that reached eternally for Ireland.”

“‘I promised you we would stay together,’ he said. ‘In the absence of other options, I will follow your lead on this matter.’”

“‘I’m fine.’ ‘Your attempt to mask the darkness under your eyes serves as compelling evidence of that. As does the full bowl of coffee.’ I cocked my head. ‘Did you just master sarcasm?’ ‘Paige.’ ‘It’s a cup of coffee. With… no handle.’”

“‘There’s no fireplace,’ I stated. ‘No.’ ‘But how are you-‘ A wild laugh was bubbling up. ‘How are you going to cope without one?’ ‘Cope,’ Warden repeated.  ‘You need one. To stare into, pensively. Did you know,’ I said to him, ‘that you do that a lot?’ He tilted his head, which only set off a fit of silent laughter. My ribs ached in protest.”

‘I mustered all the breath I had left and screamed, until I folded on myself and my voice burned to nothing.’

‘Who can break you now, Black Moth, now there is nothing left to break?’

[amandaklwrites]

Top Ten Favorite Fictional Characters

Okay, here I am with another Top Ten! And this one is: my favorite fictional characters of all time. These are the characters that I watched or read, and I fell in love with them, wanted to be them, or saw parts of myself in them. I connected with these characters more so than any other. So, here’s my list. In no particular order of favorites, and why I love them so much.

1. Elizabeth Swann (Pirates of the Caribbean franchise)

I think you can tell from my other favorites lists, and my review on these movies, that Elizabeth Swann literally changed my life. I think I was about 12 or 13 when I first watched this movie, and she intrigued me more than anyone else in the film. I loved her wit, her smarts, her drive, her love, her beauty and her fierceness. As I grew up (and still now), she’s someone I’ve always strived to be. She became a Pirate King for god’s sakes.

2. King Richard (Galavant series)

There’s an ongoing joke with my mom and some friends that I AM King Richard. In the way he says things and acts, and his humor. I love Galavant so much, but Richard makes me laugh more so than the others. His character is just wholesome and great, and kind of silly. But my god, do I love him so.

3. Wanda Maximoff (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Another character I connect with. Wanda was always my favorite female superhero, ever since I first saw her back in Age of Ultron. As the movies continued, I loved her even more, and then I recently saw WandaVision. And she’s so powerful, but so caring at the same time. I like that she toes the line between good and bad, and that’s because she’s human. She reflects the true nature of people—because honestly, who of us wouldn’t create a whole television series just to be with a lost loved one again? As I’ve grown and watched her, I realized that her and I match up, personality-wise and how we think. So, I don’t want to be more like her, because I think I am like her already.

4. Celaena Sardothien (Throne of Glass series)

A badass woman who takes no shit. I was just out of high school when I discovered this series and I loved her. That she was a juxtaposition (which I feel like with myself sometimes); she was brutal and gentle, she could hate and love, she was a frightening assassin but also loved pretty clothes and chocolate. She felt the most human to me in the whole series. She was an enigma that I first discovered as a teen, and I craved it.

5. Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time TV series)

I was 16 when this show came on, and I fell down the rabbit hole into this world. But the person I always loved most, who I connected the most with, was Emma Swan. Not that I was raised without parents and had issues with that. But despite my loving family, I had personal issues when this show first started. I had attempted suicide when I was watching Emma Swan find her belief in herself every Sunday night. Though my journey may not be the same, I felt like, all through the rest of high school and almost all of college (I think it ended right before my last year), I was going through a similar journey with her. I saw myself in Emma Swan, and I saw her triumphs and losses and growth as a reflection of my own. So, she’s one of those characters that burrows into me, our hearts beating together.

6. Samantha Stephens (Bewitched)

I just love Sam. I can’t explain it—I do. This series is one of those that settles into my soul so gently, and I feel so safe and warm when I watch it. But Sam’s the best—she reflects a real person. And funny enough, one of my VERY FIRST memories in my life was being really small (I had to be like 2 or 3), sitting in someone’s lap, and seeing a black-and-white Sam wriggle her nose and do magic. So, that may be why she has a special place in my heart too, because she’s been there since the beginning.

7. Susan Pevensie (Narnia)

I wanted to be Susan when I was like eight. I thought her beautiful and majestic and amazing. And as I grew up, I realized I was a bit like her. I could be stubborn, a bit rude, and trying to keep everyone under the calm. It’s interesting, how when I think of what she meant to me as a kid, versus what she means to me as an adult, are very different. But at the root, they’re similar.

8. Tommy Shelby (Peaky Blinders) 

Thomas Shelby is literally one of the most intriguing characters I have ever seen on the screen. He’s ruthless and intelligent, he can be kind and generous. But he’s ten steps ahead of everyone. And I love seeing him on screen. I think he’s fascinating, but we’re also very similar, and I’m not sure if that’s amazing or frightening.

9. Evie Carnahan (The Mummy movies)

Evie is who I wish I could be. She’s so, so smart, she’s headstrong, she’s willing to take on a mummy. My second dream job would have been archaeology/Egyptology, and I think she’s a reflection of what I almost became, of what I could have been. And I just adore her.

10. Lila Bard (A Darker Shade of Magic)

I just read this first book, and DAMN. I love Lila so much! She’s an intriguing and brutal character, but I love that there’s love hidden behind it, even though she doesn’t want to admit it. I love these grey characters and she’s the epitome of what I love. I can’t wait to learn more about her.

Runner Up: Bucky Barnes (Marvel Cinematic Universe)

He’s going to be on another list coming up, but I thought I would put him as a runner up here because I wanted to mention why I love him and think he’s so interesting. I love his journey as the kind, protective best friend to a ruthless, brain-washed killer, to healing from that past. I love seeing characters fall to villainy (though it wasn’t his choice) and breaking out of it. I like characters that fall all the way to the bottom and pull themselves out of it. And I think that’s why I find his journey the most fascinating at times.

[oofjaemin]

⌠ NAM JOO-HYUK, 25, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JAEMIN ‘ JAE ’ WOO! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in DRIVER’S ED + COVERT OPS; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( lipstick stains on shirt collars, sweaty sprints at dawn to start the day, being shirtless for no apparent reason, soft smirks when he’s up to no good ). when it’s the ( cancer )’s birthday on 7/17/1995, they always request their HAEJANGGUK from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

i’ll do a proper graphic / maybe add to this when it’s not 7am buuuut.... here’s jae — i just wanna say i now have four muses on the torres floor so that’s automatically the best floor x

some of his character parallels: 

stirling archer | archer - 96 %

samantha jones | sex and the city - 96 %

lucifer morningstar | lucifer - 95 %

barney stinson | how i met your mother - 95 %

maeby funke | arrested development - 93 %

chuck bass | gossip girl - 92 %

EL PINTERESTO

anyways. he a massive Hoe. i feel it had to be done after 3 of my muses coupled up 

his fam are part of The Spy Life, actually used to be very good friends with a certain mr steven park’s family until jae kinda... was jae and they split the bond, rip xx

he didn’t do anything major but the parks really didn’t want him around their sons, but jae doesn’t listen to rules or authority and said fuck that, i do what i want ?? plus he was hella close to both steve n andrew so he legit didn’t care what their parent’s wishes were and that kinda forced their hand to put a stop to it

he’s just very very impulsive, chooses fun and pleasure above all else and isn’t the most mature, a chaotic neutral.... jeez wonder why the parks wanted better for their kids JHSBJHBS

anywhoooo he actually gets on well with his own family !! has a sister who is very obedient, hard working and polite ( maybe i’ll do a wc ?? ) and while his parents do want him to succeed and focus in life.... they’ve known jae all his life and frankly they’re tired of repeating themselves and have found it’s better to just let him be as he’s much worse when he rebels

you’d think a twenty five year old would be less childish but ???? fuck age norms

he is actually very intelligent ?? sometimes 

his family have a tradition of attending university before a spy academy, to sort of prove your worth, intelligence, hard work, determination etc and it’s a bit of security to fall back on if anything were to happen to the family, their ties in the spy world, or themselves as individuals — plus it can be used as a something of a cover too ! plus... if you don’t do this step, the family consider you inadequate and you won’t get any money !!! 

it was a big incentive for jae who likes expensive cars and jetting round the world without a care so he studied law at cambridge and part of him thinks about ditching the spy world all together and becoming a lawyer but he’s dissuaded by the difference in potential money jhbjshbjs

his dad wanted him in weapons training but he said ‘ no x ’ and chose driver’s ed instead bc he likes to skrr skrrrrrr but don’t let him in ur car bc he might wreck it... not bc he can’t drive but he’s just a bloody idiot and will try and see if he can flip it or something

he’s a massive dick to his hook ups, tho not so much intentionally, but defo the type to be less than interested in you as soon as he’s finished jsbjhbjhbthe classic ‘ you’re still here ? ’ if he’s woken up and you’re beside him — but he can be quite a gentleman beforehand to ensure he sleeps with you, so i’ll apologise now for him xxx

has a lot of ‘ friends ’ but probs only a small few of people he’d actually put before himself ( imma say steve exclusively ) 

he’s just a bit of a mess about, likes to play and doesn’t really care who’s expense it comes at as long as it’s not his but he’s not like a full on dick or outwardly mean for the sake of it, he just does what he wants and what he wants can change quite quickly so he’s not one to be sentimental or put the effort in to ensure you’re not offended or hurt

drinks a lot, smokes a bit, other drugs occasionally 

pansexual but defo Het Energy bc he’s probs only slept w girls im p sure

was in the chess club at cambridge like a loser

he 6′2 : ) 

brain kinda empty but i think i covered everything ??? 

some connections i’d love 

defo hook ups plssssssssss, even if it’s ex ones or a one night stand kind of thing, i feel if he continuously hooks up w someone they defo know he’s not keeping up the act of being polite n courteous so ??? can either be mutual or a thing they clash on — i’d say he probs has a preference for feminine peeps but only bc he’s never explored the other side of things but he’d be down to, for sure, i just do not think he’s a bottom so JHBHSJHB

some fitness friends, he really loves going for runs and jogs and wouldn’t mind a buddy to do it alongside him, same with just general gym buds or sparring partners !! 

family friends / enemies / neutral ? the woos are fairly known in korea, obvs they’ve cut ties w the parks so it could have some collateral w other families !!

someone he annoys the hell out of, bickering 24/7 ???? sign me tf up !! maybe they’re just as immature as he is or literally can’t stand him at all !! 

ok i think thats it but may add to when i wake up : ) pls either like dis, react when i post it in discord, or simply message me for plots n ideas !!! i will probs post an open tho if u wud rather see the vibe n chemistry !!! 

@gallagherintro

[leavetwn]

* AMANDA CAMPANA, NOBINARY + SHE/HER/THEY/THEM  | you know RAMONA GALLO, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TWENTY-THREE YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to CRYING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR BY MUNA like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole COLD PIZZA AS A HANGOVER CURE, TALKING SHIT ABOUT CUSTOMERS IN THE BREAKROOM, LONGING FOR WHAT COULD'VE BEEN,  thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 17TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( claire, 22, est, she/her )

HEY , BESTIES ! happy new year (the way it’s 11:55pm here so barely) !! my name’s claire and i’m 22. i’m livin in the est timezone, and my pronouns are she/her. i’m bringing y’all a mess of a muse 😈 because well  ,,, it’s what i’m best at. if you’re feelin ramona & wanna plot, just go ahead and like this & i’ll hit you up. i usually plot on discord, but if you prefer the tumblr ims, that’s no problem at all. anyway, lemme stop waistin time and get to introducing you to ramona. * tw: mentions of cheating & alcohol. 

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

full name: ramona gallo.  nickname(s): anything your muse wants to call her tbh. age: twenty-three. date of birth: august 17th. zodiac sign: leo. gender/pronouns: non-binary, she/her/they/them. sexual orientation: bisexual. romantic orientation: biromantic. hometown: irving, north carolina. current residence: irving, north carolina. occupation: employee at zoinkies currently,  a lifeguard during the summer. eye color: brown. hair color/style: had long hair up until her breakup then had one of those breakdowns and cut her own hair into a bob and then her own bangs. i bet it was a mess lol so she probably called her friends or went to a salon the very next day to get it fixed. also highlighted the ends red but her natural color is brown. height : 5′5″. clothing style: simple and comfortable. t-shirts, croptops, turtlenecks, all usually paired with either jean shorts or jeans in general. she prefers to feel cozy rather than cute. tattoos: yes. a small one on her wrist. wants more eventually. piercings: both ears peirced & a navel piercing that she did herself against better judgement lol.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 .

you were born on a scorching hot day in irving , your father says so, anyway. you’re convinced he’s being dramatic. your birth went smoothly; after two previous children, your parents had become disillusioned by childbirth. just another one to add to the bunch, and one that was meant to save a dying marriage. still, they loved you nonetheless. your father, to this day. your mother, until you were ten, and then she up and left without a warning. 

your father keeps food on the table by fixing cars. you spend your days in the hot sun watching him replace parts and continuously try to crank vehicles until they run. he fist pumps every time one does. ‘ how lame, ’ you think, but it’s inspiring how hard he works to take care of three kids. and he does a good job. 

therefore , you spend much of your early life trying to make him proud. you’re smart as a whip, and all your teachers have good things to say about you when it comes to academics. you’re a bit of a troublemaker, though. your father doesn’t mind that too much; he was the same at your age. and he’s proud  —  proud to see you work so hard. 

you spend your teenage years doing much of the same. though , you begin to come home a bit later than usual, and your excuse is that you’ve been at ashley’s or samantha’s, but really all three of you were out partying. you don’t think your father would care (your grades are fine & he wants you to live like a normal teenager) ,  but you still lie about it. why ? well, who knows, maybe you like the adrenaline rush it gives you. like most things, you do them for the thrill. 

you join the swim team. you’re kind of bad , but that’s okay. just like always , you work hard, and you realize that you’re kind of a natural. your father cheers louder than anyone else in the stands. it pushes you to do better. with your good grades and athletics , your guidance counselor tells you you’re a shoo in for a scholarship from whatever university you want. you apply to several. if it’s one thing you hate, its this town. you can’t wait to make it out, and you figure, this might be your only way. 

you’re eighteen, and you’re in love. it’s crazy how love can make you see things differently. suddenly , this town doesn’t seem half bad. all your friends find it cute , and you tell them everything. the things he tells you or the way he makes you feel. it’s a crazy feeling; you never want it to end. 

you throw your cap in the air. finally , high school is over. college is looming. you’ve been accepted to several & received scholarships from at least a few. you lie in bed thinking about it. now, you suddenly don’t want to leave so bad. don’t want to leave him behind. how could someone leave another they love so easily? it makes you hate your mother more.

for the first time, you disappoint your father. you don’t go to college. you don’t give a damn. you want to stay where love is. you’re addicted to the feeling. this lasts for three years. now, you’re twenty-one; you’ve gotten a job at zoinkies, and that keeps you away for most of the day. you randomly decide to visit your boyfriend during a lunch break one day. you find him in bed with someone else. suddenly , you realize love isn’t as addicting as you once thought. what once made the world beautiful now made it hideous. what once made you feel so high had somehow made you feel so low. it was horrible, and you’d realized your mistakes. 

you threw away your future for love. something as rotten and twisted as love. something you swore you’d never let yourself feel again. something that you put away in a locked box with no key. irving was the same place you’d always known it to be. boring, drab, familiar. at least you had your family. that was barely enough to keep you sane, though, and it was hard to feel normal.

you turned to the thing that help. alcohol, partying, any escape at all. you lacked coping skills   —  that much was clear, but you didn’t care. you blamed it on something else entirely. just as your teachers had said, you’re a bit of a troublemaker. you do anything to make yourself feel alive, to make yourself feel free of the hurt. 

it’s two years later now. you’re still not over it in some ways, as regret turns to anger and resentment. you’re bitter. who wouldn’t be? but you feel like you’ve had time to mourn. maybe it’s because you never acknowledged it in the way you should’ve ( it’s still locked away in that box. ) you still have your bad habits. you still work at your stupid job that you hate. you’re lost, but you’ll figure it out. you always do. so, you continue to float , seemingly stuck in the town that you never let go of, and you wonder what comes next. only time will tell.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚���𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 .

still swims but doesn’t have as much time for it. probably not as good, but since she spends the summer lifeguarding, she uses that time to practice & try to get back to where she was. also kinda jaded asf so even if she says she wants to get back into it, she probably won’t lmaoo.

is a horrible driver. how did she get a license ?? not even she knows. def the type to like have a leg up on the dash board, hand out the window, and only one hand on the wheel while speedin idk how she makes it out alive

can take a car apart and put it back together again thanks to her dad. also changes her own tires so let her change your tires. im just sayin 

stays up way too late & would sleep until 2 pm everyday if she didn’t have to work. should probably work on being an adult and going to bed at a normal time but just half the time doesn’t give a fuck so she’s probably sleep deprived a lot. therefore also has a 

character parallels: alice ayres/jane jones (closer, 2004) , clementine (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, 2004) , fiona gallagher (shameless, 2011-present) , more to be added.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

ok but plots really do be making my world go ‘round. 😳 i love em, so literally hmu with anything you’re feeling, and i’ll be down. just wanna plot & write with everyone 💕 but here’s a couple of wanted connections for y’all. i’ll prolly have a most wanted tag sooner or later & i’ma be make a plot page soon.  

* the unholy trinity  — these two are the friends she cherishes most. i’m assuming they’ve been friends since at least early high school , maybe earlier. they went through a lot together. these two were with her through all her relationship troubles. true ride or dies. she’s do absolutely anything for them, and she trusts that they feel the same way. they’re rowdy & wild, do whatever they want, and have a damn good time doin it. also have a gc where they just talk shit and send tiktoks idk just gimme this plsss 🥺

* friends with benefits / one night stands  —  this would probably be the extent of ramona. clearly not over what happened to her the last time 😭, so she’d have plenty of these tbh. she probably wouldn’t think too much about it, but it could be awkward for you muse maybe, etc. 

* unrequited love / crush  —  here’s a toast to the ones who crush on ramona. it would be an absolute tragedy lmaoo. she’s not really mean about it, but she is 100% certain she’s not looking for any type of relationship. could be really dramatic and messy and those are tha best kind. literally this

* former friends / enemies  —  she’s lived here her whole life, so she’s at least got one. these two just don’t get along/no longer get along for whatever reason that can be plotted out. 

* coworkers   — she works zoinkies throughout the year and picks up shifts as a lifeguard during the summer so your muses could know her from that. could delve into a close friend territory too lmao. they probably just sit in break rooms and talk about rude customers or bossy managers lmaooo.

* literally anything your heart desires — a lot could work. we could even just start from nowhere & have them meet for the first time if they’re newer/just to town. 

[missroserose]

all you touch and all you see

“So...why are we here?”

A moment of silence.  Fingers tighten around a trendy reusable mug.  Green eyes flick up, meet his, far more sincere than he could have imagined, even a week ago.

“I can’t explain it.  I’m just...more myself, when you’re around.”

Sam Wesson is dreaming.  Well, half-dreaming; awake enough that he can tell that he’s lying in bed on sheets with some ridiculous thread count, covers bunched around his legs, the cool constant breeze of the ceiling fan blowing over his sleep-warm chest.  At the same time, he’s sitting in the passenger seat of an old muscle car, rain tapping on the roof and hissing beneath the tires.  The thrum of the V8 permeates his whole body as he flips through papers, research for the next job.  The automatic reverse on the tape deck clicks over, and Sam wonders how many times Dean’s played this exact Led Zeppelin album on this very deck.  A hundred?  A thousand?

Dean.  Dean is there in both worlds, beside him.  He glances over to where this Dean is squinting through the rain.  Takes in his scruffy jacket and worn shirt, hair standing on end in places, the ketchup stain on his jeans from his lunchtime drive-through burger.  It’s such a contrast to the Dean beside him in the bed, the Dean of suspenders and suits and Brylcreemed hair, the environmentally conscious vegetarian Dean who wouldn’t be caught dead driving a car that got fewer than thirty miles to the gallon.  

And yet, there are tells.  Little commonalities, signs that the two of them aren’t as different as they might look.  The way their eyes narrow slightly when faced with something they don’t immediately understand.  Their absolute disdain for talking about feelings any more than strictly necessary.  Their unbridled fierceness when they take on a threat, corporate or noncorporeal.

The way they both love Sam.  Fierce.  Devoted.  Protective to a degree that makes Sam wonder, sometimes.  Or would, if he weren’t every bit as smitten.

Sam isn’t sure what to say to that.  It’s disconcerting, seeing Dean in casual clothes—still natty in a sweater and slacks, but his hair is carefully (and attractively) mussed, his posture a fraction looser.  He keeps quiet, keeps his face open.  Knows, somehow, that this is the best way to keep people talking.

“You bring out something good in me.  If I’m going to keep climbing the corporate ladder, I need someone to help me remember I'm not actually in hell, you know?”

Sam can’t blame Dean for staying at Sandover, not really.  He’s on the fast track, in a position most people their generation would kill for.  Especially with the economy the way it is, steady jobs with good salaries and benefits are nothing to sneeze at.  Working as an executive is prestigious; it’s not like he was a cubicle jockey, subject to the indignities of unflattering uniforms and unsavory coworkers.  Dean is on his way up.

Sam, meanwhile, was on his way out.

The week after his slightly dramatic walkout, he’d been making serious plans to go hunting alone.  Spent his days poring over newspapers, looking for strange deaths or weird occurrences; imagined sniffing out supernatural threats, saving people.  He applied for a loan for a car—found a great deal on a Dodge Charger—and dedicated an afternoon to looking up supplies he might need to kit it out properly.  It was terrifying and exhilarating reading, realizing how much might be out there, how many beings he had yet to encounter, how much studying there was to do.  What to look for, what to pack, where to even begin.

Perhaps most saliently, his dreams—the strange, inexplicable dreams that had haunted him during his entire three weeks at Sandover, where he hunted things, where Dean was his partner, continually present—had stopped.

Then Dean Smith had called and asked him for coffee.

Dean’s eyes meet his again, just briefly, before dropping, a charmingly bashful smile spreading over his face.  “Look, I’m not asking you to marry me or anything,” he says, rubbing the side of his neck, looking away.  “It’s just, if you wanted...I think we could have a good time together.”

They do have a good time together—it’s a little surprising, really, the uptight executive and the slacker cubicle jockey pairing off.  But they share a love of bad action movies, and a passion for video games; Sam hasn’t had his ass kicked so thoroughly and consistently in Halo 3 since college.  But even beyond that, it was like their rhythms are aligned; they fall into cohabiting in Dean’s tiny apartment almost immediately, as if they’re already entirely used to living in each others’ pockets.  Work during the day.  Chores on weekends. And at night—

Well, of course, there’s the chemistry.  The sheer blinding-white magnesium-flame heat of the two of them together, as bright-burning as it is undeniable.  The way Dean’s eyes, green as his own, darken, pupils dilating, when Sam stands just a little too close.  The pulse-pounding rush of need that hits him when Dean’s mouth curls up at one corner in just the right way, the way that indicates Sam is about to come harder than he ever has in his life.  The soft, broken noises he knows Dean makes, that they both make, when they teeter together on the edge, a bare breath from tipping over, entwined.

“I know you don’t think this is our life.  What we’re meant to be doing.”  The words give the air around them strange twin taste—resigned and relieved, both.  “But Sam—it’s a good life.  It’s the life I’ve wanted, the one I never thought I’d be able to have.  God knows my dad didn’t think I’d make it.  Nobody did.  But here I am.”  His eyes meet Sam’s again.  “Here we are.”

Those beautiful manicured hands on him feel right in a way Sam’s never experienced before.  It’s not even sexual, not really—the sensation is there as much when Dean musses Sam’s hair as it is when Sam is shaking apart with Dean knuckle-deep inside him.  There’s just something about the two of them together that’s...centering.  Liminal.  Like they form their own shelter, the eye of the hurricane when the chaos of the world is howling around them.

Sam asked Dean once if he felt the same. Dean had quirked a brow at him, given a little smile—”What, like some kind of past life thing?  You going to start telling me we’re soulmates?  Whatever you say, Samantha—” and yet there’s something in the way he touches Sam at times.  Reverent.  Almost disbelieving.

Like Sam, too, is something Dean had never thought he’d be able to have.

“I’ve got some connections at my old firm.  I can make a few calls, get you an interview for a decent job.”  He takes a drink of coffee, forcing a pause; shielding himself for a moment from Sam’s reaction.  “I know it’s not your dream.  But you could stay.  With me.”

And yet, in a way, it is Sam’s dream.  Because Sam’s been having dreams again, almost from the day of that fateful coffee date.  Dreams where he and Dean do everything together that Sam had imagined, had read about.  Where they hunt demons, vampires, demigods—creatures that make Old Man Sandover look like something out of Beetlejuice.  Where they spend what feels like half their life in the boredom of long drives or library research sessions, punctuated by the heart-pounding adrenaline rush of a hunt, a fight.  Where he and Dean save each others’ lives over and over, where they would die for each other, probably will sooner rather than later, but where they’re alive now, where they retreat victorious with whiskey or beer to their shitty motel room—

Somewhere more private.  Lips swollen from kissing.  A hand on the side of his face, long fingers threaded in his hair.  Green eyes on his once more, open, honest.  Vulnerable.

“I’d like you to stay.  God, Sam—please.  Stay.”

—and where they never, ever touch.  

So Sam took the job.  Let the loan application lapse, eventually deleted the various websites on ghosts and mythology and monsters from his bookmarks.   He spends his days working in IT security, which is at least more interesting than tech support—it turns out he has a knack for breaking into systems, for getting into places he’s not supposed to be, for ferreting out information companies would prefer remain hidden.  And his nights—well, if spending his nights in Dean Smith’s bed (and on his couch, and over his desk, and in his office chair, and) is the consolation prize for growing up and letting go of childish dreams, it turns out adult life has its perks as well.

He takes one last look at the scruffed-up Dean—still pretty, Sam thinks, fondly; there’s just no way to make a face like that look common—and lets the dream fade.  The vibration of the engine, the hiss of tires on wet asphalt, even the dry-dusty smell of the Impala’s heater all grow distant; Sam moves his fingers, stretches, moves just enough to scoop his lover into the crook of his shoulder.  Dean nuzzles him, murmurs a few nonsense syllables, and sighs, settling back into sleep.

Sam takes a deep breath through his nose.  Hair pomade.  Cologne.  Sweat.  Dean.  It makes him happy, in the kind of way that leaves his chest a little tight, that brings tears to the corners of his eyes.

Most people don’t even get one life with Dean.  He gets two.  Gets to tread the thin line between them, the one where Dean is his perfectly ordinary lover, and the one where he’s—both more, and less.

As dreams go, he’ll take it, and be grateful.

[maxineswritingcenter]

Bray Road part 3 Fox Mulder x nonbinary!reader

Agents Mulder and (Y/N) investigate mysterious killing on a forgotten road in rural Wisconsin. A connection to a case in the past brings the investigation to a whole new level.

---

“We’ll be home soon, sweetie.” Their mother looked at them in the backseat. It was late, the movie they had seen had run later than they thought. The main road was closed so they were forced to take the back roads home. (Y/N) was wrapped in a blanket, sleep pulling at their eyelids. 

“The map says Bray road will take up in Bowers and then to Whitmer.” Their mother said, using a flashlight to look at the road map. 

“You still good back there, pookie?” Dad look at them in the dash mirror, using the nickname that they hated but secretly loved. (Y/N) nodded and looked ahead at the road. There seemed to be something in the road. It looked like a really large dog with large red eyes.

"Dad, there's a dog in the road-" (Y/N) began to say as their father looked back in the road and saw the thing. Dad slammed on the breaks and the creature disappeared.

"What was that?" Their mother said breathlessly. Dad glanced back at them and then to his wife.

"It's just a dog. Yeah, just a dog. What's the world's largest dog, sweetie?" He asked. That had been a thing of theirs, (Y/N) was obsessed with animals and knew tons of facts.

"English Mastiff." They said, Dad was trying his best to keep this situation calm.

"That's right. Okay, I'm just gonna see that it's not injured. And then we'll go home." He said.

"No, let's go now." Their mother grabbed onto their father's arm.

"It'll just take a second." He said and left the car, closing the door behind him. Not ten seconds later did they hear his blood curdling scream. Their Mother frantically unbuckled her seat belt and left the car too. And with the slam of the car door, her fate was sealed. She didn’t even have time to scream before blood was splattered across the windshield. 

(Y/N) waited, and waited. Maybe it was the dog in the road. Maybe it was all some elaborate joke from their dad and they would come back any minute and they would all laugh. But then they saw it. It was staring at them from their window. It’s breathe was fogging up the glass. They could see it’s large pointed teeth and glowing red eyes. It’s eyes were so large and bright that they could see their reflection. (Y/N) wanted to scream and cry but they couldn’t, their  throat ached to scream and their eyes burned to release the tears in their eyes. And then it was gone, as quickly as it had appeared. 

“I didn’t sleep. I just kept staring at the window. Waiting for it to come back and kill me.”(Y/N) finished reliving the terrible night, they couldn’t meet Mulder’s eyes. They were afraid he would see it as weakness and not take them seriously. 

“(Y/L/N), why did you bring this Xfile to me?” He asked speaking gently. 

They choked back a sob and took a deep breath before speaking, “Because I wanted to be wrong. You’re so experienced in the Xfiles and I thought if you saw the evidence you would say that it was just an animal but... “ (Y/N)’s hands were in tight fists, “I researched every possible predator in and around the area, even exotic animals but after seeing the victims today, there’s nothing else it could be and-”

“Hey.” Mulder took hold of their hands stopping them mid-sentence. He was probably going to say something comforting. He has a masters in psychology, he’s a hostage negotiator, he knew what to say. 

“It’s okay to be afraid.” 

They shook their head, “But I don’t want to be afraid. I want this to be over. I want to close the case on my parent’s disappearance. I-I know they're dead but... I can’t let this go until I know this thing is dead.” Mulder knew the feeling all too well, he wouldn’t stop searching until his sister was found. Fortunately, there was more hope for Samantha. 

“We’ll find it. But first we need to find out who it is. Did your parents have any enemies?” He asked. 

They shook their head, “No.” They thought a moment, “The only thing I can think of is that they had an argument with... someone about me that day... But I can’t remember.” 

----

Mulder pulled the car into the parking lot at the Psychology Institute in Milwaukee. He set up an appointment with hypnotist that he had worked with before to see if they could bring back the memories of the argument that (Y/N)’s parents had. 

“Everything’s going to be fine.” He reassured them, see that they were visibly nervous: wringing of the hands, the constant leg shaking. (Y/N) only nodded. 

They made their way inside, going straight back into the office of Doctor Kenneth Chekov, a trained regression hypnotist. Dr. Chekov sat (Y/N) down and began the process that Mulder knew all too well. 

“Now, (Y/N), I want you to close your eyes and relax. Take deep, soothing breathes.” 

(Y/N) closed their eyes, taking deep breathes like the doctor said. It was hard to relax, their nerves were so wracked but it was all they had to go on. 

“That’s good. Now I’m going to count back from ten. And when we get to zero, I will snap my fingers and you will be back to the day of the accident.” 

“Ten...nine....” The doctors voice trailed off in their head as they slowly fell back to a different and better time in their life. 

“One...Zero.” The doctor snapped his fingers. Mulder watched as his partner didn’t flinch at the snap, knowing that they had been brought back.

“(Y/N), can you tell me where you are?” The doctor asked. 

“I’m at the doctor’s office. I can hear the paper crinkling on the table.” 

“Do you know why you’re at the doctor’s office?” 

“I haven’t been sleeping well. My parents think the medication I’m on is making it so I can’t sleep. I’ve been sleep walking too. My dad found me in the yard the night before.” 

“Ask them what medication it was.” Mulder whispered to the doctor. 

“What was the medication you were given?” 

“Albuterol for my asthma. But the new batch that my doctor gave us was different. It was a different color and it made my head hurt."

"Are your parents in the room?"

"Yes, they're arguing with the doctor."

"What are they arguing about?"

"My doctor said that the medicine was helping me get better and that I would be fine at the end of the month. My parents said they were taking me to see someone else. And... My doctor got angry, saying he would take me away if they did. We left after that." Mulder shared a glance with the hypnotist.

"What was the name of the doctor?"

"Dr. Winterfield."

-

With this new evidence, the agents made their way to the local pediatrician's office that was run by Doctor Lyle Winterfield.

"Ya know, the victim in the hospital was saying the word 'field' over and over again, there might be a connection." Mulder said, putting the car into park.

(Y/N) looked ahead at the doctor's office, a sense of unease in their stomach, "Let's just get this over with."

Inside was the most stereotypical pediatricians office there could ever be. After flashing their badges to the receptionist, they were told to sit and they would get a room for the doctor. In the corner of room there was an activity table in the corner that had to have been there for decades if not longer. (Y/N) remembered the little puzzles and moving the wooden shapes from one side of the tangled wires to the other. 

“Agents, please follow me.” A nurse called to them from an open door. The agents stood up and made their way through. (Y/N) remembered nothing from this place but at the same time they were walking through like muscle memory. The agents were put into the second room, (Y/N) sat on the table, getting flashes of the past as the paper covering the hard examination table crinkled. 

“You good?” Mulder asked, seeing his partner’s eyes as they seemed to stare off into the void. They blinked and nodded.

“Fine, just-” They were cut off by a knock  and the door slowly opening. 

----------

Aha, yeah this series isn’t getting much love so I don’t know if I’ll continue it. Let me know

Read part 4 here!

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please enojoy ths message from my cat (Max) who refuses to get off my keyboard: lo

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