#so i get out here and assign myself a bubble bath like i am a militant toddler

[thehardkandy]

tonight i am walking the strut of "that bitch who put all her sheets through the wash" which i understand isnt really an earthshattering achievement but if it keeps me on top i will take it

[the-sadistic-mind-behind-a-stoic]

I wish I could stab myself with a pencil and write my anger with my own blood.

Maybe it would then make it easier for me to live with this love I have for you.

But nothing will ever make it easier than this, to suffer every day over complaints I simply don't understand, to be forgiven over something that shouldn't be an issue to begin with. I'm torn.

My love aches so much for you that I begin to cry as if we were apart. And yet we are not, we are very much together and you love me loads and I love you loads. Then why do I feel this anger? Why do you make me so angry?

Can't I just simply love you? So simple, no issues involved. I won't force you to do something you don't have to and in the meantime you accept me as I am. But you don't. You throw insults at me, and it seems almost as if you want to push me away. You've done this before. You'll do this again. There's no future here, is there? You'll blame me for leaving, but it is you who keeps running away from me.

And I handle it. Why? Because I burn for you.

And as I write this, I await you. I should be reading, I should focus on my assignments and responsibilities, but I do not. I live for you. I've reached that level of devotion. And yet you think I don't, that I am doing this for the laughs and I take none of it seriously.

I am not angry anymore. It's not your fault.

You don't know what you are doing. Or maybe you are, but you truly believe I can handle it. Or that I will eventually break away and leave you, thus proving you right.

But I can't leave. I don't want to leave and I can truly handle this. Part of me believes I deserve all I can get, and my life seems to be going great up until you come and touch something out of proportion.

I hope I can handle this. Otherwise, I don't see much of a way out. I've never loved anyone, and I've never felt this way as I feel with you. And if I can help it, I never will again.

I hope you kill me. Or at least drive me though, enough, to die spontaneously. But no being dies that way, and whenever I feel alone, I feel myself alone, a hollow hole between my breasts telling me that I feel nothing and I'll never be anything worthwhile. I deserve death. I always said my longest relationship had been with Death herself.

I'm egocentric to look for it, to hurt those around me by carelessly choosing it over anything else around me. But I can't. I love you too much to hurt you that much.

"I love you more".

I can hear you say it. What do you gain by saying such a thing? Why are you competing against me? Why do we have to evaluate love. You love me more because you came back. But I never left. Who loves whom more?

I say this as if I don't gain joy from believing I love you more. The irony. Makes me want to wash away the pain and my inner turmoil.

I guess I did lie about how I want to go. If I do die, I'll choose that one place I was the most happy. That bathtub where we bathed together. I liked how the water changed colour. And how my fingers felt in it. I'd add the salt. Just to make the blood pressure slower, but I'd still cut deeper, deep enough for it to pour out slowly. I'd choose warm water, I don't want to freeze cold. But no bubbles, they make too much noise. But I am not too sure which music I'd play as my eyes drop and I slowly pass out.

[yoonsshadow]

Strike! - OT7

❥ prompt ; ‘could you please do an ot7 where they all go bowling or to the arcade together? (I also love your eternals series so much!!)’ sent in by @deathbybigsisrory​ 

❥ pairing ; ot7 x fem!reader

❥ genres ; non-idol!au, rom-com, friends-to-[future]-lovers, [they’re not together yet but everyone is very much in love]

❥ themes ; fluff!!

❥ warnings ; none

❥ word count ; 1.7k

❥ note ; Thank you so much for the submission!!! (And also thank you for your sweet words darling xx) I may have strayed a little from the prompt, but I hope you still like it. I haven’t been bowling since I was like 11, so I’m sorry if some details are incorrect. I have never been to an arcade, so I thought this was the safer option. [this isn’t edited]

Somewhere, in the back of your subconscious, is a loud knocking.

It’s a rapid noise, insistent and forceful, but the dream you’re submerged in is far too pleasant to pay it any heed. It will go away eventually.

Except it doesn’t.

As you’re lying in the paradise of a warm coastal beach, mermaids off the coast and dragons in the distant sky, muffled yells are lost in the ambience of crashing waves and mer-song. You are so incredibly comfortable on this beach chair. You think, perhaps, that you’d happily stay here for an eternity.

Eternity does not last very long.

Your idyllic fantasy dissolves the instant hands shake your hunched shoulders, voices now louder in your ear as you are rocked from your sleep. It aches to move, to be moved, but soon you are sitting upright rather than folded over your desk, cheek pressed into papers.

“Hey there, sleepyhead.” Namjoon’s deep timbre vibrates through you; shocks you into clarity faster than your mind is ready.

“Hmrrfh?” Is your unintelligible response. He seems to understand.

Seokjin is crouched beside you, one hand on the back of your office chair, the other on your knee. “I thought you said that you were finished with your work.” You rub your eyes and yawn as he speaks, quickly taking notice of the other figures in the room. “You were supposed to have a break, remember?”

You hum. “I don’t get paid to take breaks, I get paid to have my work done by the deadline. Which is soon, might I add, so I’ll have to rain-check today. Sorry.”

“Nope.” It’s Yoongi who speaks this time. In the next moment, your office chair is rolled away from the desk and into the group of men who have somehow entered your home. Which reminds you-

“How did you even get in?”

“We found the spare key,” Taehyung says, as if the fact should be obvious.

“Yeah,” Jimin adds, “when you didn’t respond to our knocks and calls we thought you might be dead or something. Ggukie damn near kicked the door down when Namjoon-hyung lifted up the doormat.”

“Terrible hiding spot, Y/N,” Namjoon says. You can tell that he’s trying to sound disappointed, but he looks just a little too endeared.

Moving in front of you, Hoseok flashes you a warm smile. His eyes become crescents, his lips a heart, and your fingers twitch with the want to reach forward and caress his cheek. You don’t.

“There’s no way you’re getting out of today,” he says without a hint of malice. “You need a day to relax, and we haven’t seen our girl in far too long. So, will you be coming willingly, or by force?”

“But-” Your protests are cut off.

“By force it is. Gguk.”

Your vision is suddenly filled by a broad chest as thick arms sweep you from your seat. Gravity has no effect on the young man who now holds you bridal style, nor on the Bambi smile that naturally grows on his face.

“We’re going to have so much fun today,” Jeongguk says, muscles flexing around you as they all begin walking towards your bedroom. You have no doubt that Hoseok and Taehyung already have an outfit planned for you, and you even hear the bath beginning to run.

Your boys never fail to look after you. God, you care for them so much.

[You won’t admit to yourself that you may feel something deeper. Not yet. But one day, perhaps soon, you’ll realise that you don’t have to be afraid of that feeling.]

Retro music swirls around you as your group makes their way towards your assigned lane. Bowling shoes in hand and a competitive spirit growing, a weight seems to melt off of your shoulders.

All thoughts of work, of responsibilities, have simply disappeared.

“How are we going to decide teams?” Namjoon looks around the group, as if calculating a mathematic equation. “Rock, paper, scissors?”

Yoongi scoffs. “We’ll be here forever if we do that. Let’s just do Hyungs versus Youngs.”

While Jeongguk, Taehyung and Jimin are cheering at the quick resolution, you lift a brow at the unbothered man. “But what do I call your team then, Yoongi oppa?”

For a moment, he says nothing, merely ducking his head to hide the rosy tint that dusts across his cheeks. Hoseok is the one who steps in to answer, clapping a harsh hand on Yoongi’s back as if to wake him from a trance.

“We can come up with team names!”

Jimin jumps up and down, wide beam blinding you all. “We are team Young and Beautiful!”

“No, we should be Bold and Beautiful! Like that American hand-wash show,” Taehyung suggests, equally as enthusiastic.

Namjoon sighs. “It’s soap opera, Tae.”

“What about Y/N’s Angels?” Jeongguk seems to be thinking hard, ever competitive even in the sport of picking a team name. “Because we are angelic, and Y/N bosses us around.”

That lands him a swift chop to the neck, much to his giggling delight.

“We are the Young, Bold, and Beautiful Angels,” you decide, rolling your eyes. “And what about your team?”

Seokjin does not hesitate to announce: “We are team Kim Seok Jin!”

Yoongi sighs, but doesn’t object, and Hoseok leans his forehead on Namjoon’s shoulder as if he needs the support to keep standing.

“Thank you for consulting the rest of the team about this decision, Jin-hyung,” Namjoon says, deadpan but not upset.

“You should be thankful that I’m allowing you to use my name at all,” Seokjin replies, hands on hips. “It is, after all, a national symbol of good luck.”

“National...?” You mumble.

Jimin groans out a sigh, easily bored and antsy to win. “Can we just play already? We don’t need to have a board meeting every time we make a decision.”

“Let’s go hold some heavy balls!” Jeongguk then grabs your elbow and drags you to the bowling ball racks, uncaring that you’ve only laced one of your shoes on.

“Do you need me to teach you how to bowl?” Jeongguk’s voice in your ear startles you as you stand in front of your lane, ready to go. The pink ball is heavy in your hand when you turn around to glare at him.

“I know how to bowl, Gguk. Now shoo, I need to concentrate.”

“Yes, but do you know how to bowl properly? Like a pro?”

“I am this close to dropping this ball on your toes, don’t test me.”

“Pleeease? C’mon, just this once?”

Damn him and his doe eyes. “Fine. Just once. But you’re going to buy me a plate of nacho fries.”

“Deal.”

You shouldn’t be surprised when he stands behind you and circles his arms around yours, but you do jolt a bit when his hands touch your waist.

“Some people think that it’s the wrist movement that’s most important, but really, it’s the hips. Even if you mess up the bowl, if your hips are at the right angle, you can’t really go wrong.”

“I’m pretty sure wrist movement is actually pretty important.”

The man has the nerve to shush you. “Angle your hips like this,” fingertips press into the soft flesh over your hipbones, “and then take three steps before you let go of the ball. The trick is to start with your non-dominant foot, so that when you bowl, your dominant leg isn’t in the way.”

Sighing, you humour the youngest and stride away from him, following his steps and then releasing the ball from your grip.

It lands a perfect strike.

Jeongguk walks back to the group with a smug smile and a pep in his step, while you simply chuckle at his pride. Meanwhile, the other boys are glaring at him.

“So,” Hoseok says as you wait for your ball to return so that you can have your second go, “are we all going to be allowed to teach you? Or is this favouritism?”

Heaving a deep sigh, you look up to the ceiling as if it, or any higher being, may give you an answer as to why you’ve chosen these seven as your favourite people.

Deep down you know why, but it’s times like these that make you question yourself.

It’s also times like these that make you feel impossibly endeared.

Night has crept up on you by the time the boys drop you back at your apartment, ribs aching from laughter and cheeks sore from smiles. No tension resides in your muscles, in your bones, or even in your mind; you feel as though you are floating, ears brushing against the clouds, with how light you are right now.

“You have to promise that you won’t do any work until tomorrow,” Namjoon says, watching you dig through your bag for your keys. 

“After a full night of sleep,” Yoongi adds.

Seokjin then says, “And a nice, big breakfast.”

“And plenty of water!”

“And a comforting shower- Or a bubble bath!”

“And you have to take plenty of breaks.”

“Maybe we can drop by at lunch to make sure you eat-”

“Would it be better if we stayed over tonight?”

“Why don’t you just stay with us? We can help you-”

“Guys.” Your voice is sturdy as it cuts through the overlapping voices of seven worried men, all eyes turned to you as you stand in your open doorway. “I appreciate the concern, truly, but I’m a big girl. What happened yesterday - well, this morning - was a one-off. I assure you that I can take care of myself.”

You’re met with silence that sounds an awful lot like doubt.

“But,” you sigh, “maybe you can come over for lunch?”

Gleeful voices whoop into the night air, and you have to bite back your laughter as you hurriedly hush them, wary of your neighbours.

One by one, you give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek as you exchange farewells, peeling the younger ones off of you as you tell them that yes, I really do have to go inside now.

It’s only when you’ve closed the front door behind you, leaning on the wall beside you, that you come to the full, unafraid realisation.

You are in love with them. And you think they might love you back.

End

[dracoxgeorge]

Idiot- Draco Malfoy

(not my gif)

Warnings: Just fluff lmk if I missed smtg!!

Draco x fem reader

Word Count:1.1k

Summary: You and Draco say I love you for the first time 

A/n: not proof read so sorry if this sucks, requests are open! Have a good day/night!!

You and the one and only Draco Malfoy began dating a little over a month ago, he had kindly asked you to go to Hogsmead with him after school and like many of the other girls at Hogwarts, you fancied him, but the again how could you not.

So you said yes, and the night ended with a kiss once he had returned you to your house common room. You guys went on three more dates and decided to make it official. 

It was a regular Thursday afternoon and you just happened to be stuck in detention for tripping and landing on Snape's cape, taking him down with you. 

“Miss Yln, I have a meeting to go to, Mr. Malfoy here will be supervising you until you finish your assignment. I trust that you two will behave as though I’m still here.” 

You and Draco nodded at his demands, reading over your apology letter that had been your assignment until he had left the room. 

Professor Snape,

I truly want to apologize for stumbling onto your cape. I had no intentions of toppling over, I simply tripped on someone's foot. In no means would I have ever wanted to take you down with me. 

Though you may not believe me, the fall was not at all my fault, some Ravenclaw in the halls had tripped me and ran once he found that you and I had fallen. 

I know now to work on my balance but personally, I think that you should shorten your cape, as it is a huge safety hazard to anyone walking down the crowded corridors of Hogwarts while you are too. 

I’m actually overjoyed at the fact that you too fell, because now we both know what there is for us to work on, although I am still very sorry that you did.

Have a wonderful evening,  Yn Yln

“Would you like me to take a look at that for you Miss Yln?” Draco’s voice made you jump slightly while handing over your parchment. 

“Go for it.” You answered, fumbling with your rings while he read it. 

Draco’s eyes caught your attention, they were so entrancing. The mix of silver and blue never failed to pull you into a daze. You found that his icy blue orbs were now glancing back up at you.

“Miss, I would appreciate it if you didn’t stare at me while I’m trying to read.” He said looking back down at your paper. You watched his eyebrows scrunch in confusion and a smug smile creep onto his lips,

“You’re overjoyed that you fell on top of him? Never thought I’d be hearing that.” 

Draco watched a light pink cover your soft cheeks in awe. 

“I mean yeah, we would’ve never had the opportunity to learn from this if it weren't to happen.” 

You watched a sigh escape his plump lips while he placed your paper onto Snape’s desk. 

“So, whatcha wanna do?” You asked, in a playful manner, while hoisting yourself onto the desk you were seated at. You adjusted yourself so you were sitting at the end of the desk while your legs hung off. 

Draco made his way back to you, standing in between your legs. Your hands made their way up from his collar bones, into the silk that was his hair, pushing it back and watching it fall right back onto his forehead. 

“Well I have an idea, but I don’t think you’ll like it so much.” He answered with a suggestive smirk, while raising his eyebrows. 

You pulled him into an enchanting kiss, before abruptly pulling away. 

“Yeah, probably not.” You laughed, standing up on the desk.

“How about something fun?” You suggested, looking down at his flushed face. 

“Are you implying that my ideas aren’t fun Miss Yln?” He sobbed, holding his hand to his heart, pouting.

“Yes, Mr. Malfoy, do something about it.” You challenged, bracing yourself before jumping onto the desk in front of you. 

“Careful my girl, don't want you to mess up that pretty face of yours,” Draco joked.

He watched closely as you jumped from desk to desk, getting more careless every time you landed safely. 

As you were about to jump to the desk Draco was standing behind (on the end closest to you) your right foot slipped too early and you began to fall. You scrunched your eyes closed in hopes it would brace you for the fall. 

Just as you would’ve hit the ground, you felt yourself being encased in your boyfriend's embrace. He set you gently on the floor and you immediately wrapped him in your arms.

“Darling, I was only joking, please be more careful.” He whispered, hugging you back gently, letting out a breathy laugh.

“That was… Exhilarating, I could’ve sworn I saw my life flash before my eyes.” You claimed, laughing into his chest, inhaling his expensive cologne. 

“I hope that doesn’t mean you’re gonna do it again.”

-------------

It was Saturday night, you and Draco had just spent the day relaxing with a bubble bath, massaging each other and having many meaningful conversations throughout the day.

You two had ended the day cuddling while watching 2 movies in dim candle light. 

You felt Draco shift from your spot on his chest, and looked up to see him yawning.

“You tired, Dray?” You watched him shake his head no, which was obviously a lie. You in turn, shook your head in adoration.

“Well I think we should get going to bed, it's getting pretty late. I’m just gonna head to the bathroom first, alright?” 

“Of course my girl.” He answered. 

You headed to the bathroom and did your business. While washing your hands, you reminded yourself to go blow out the candles.

You opened the bathroom door to see Draco laying in bed playing with the hem of his hoodie waiting for you. You smiled to yourself, wondering how you got so lucky.

You walked up to the bed, getting under the covers, snuggling into Draco’s side.

Once you got comfortable, you saw that you didn’t blow out the candles, which you had previously reminded yourself to do. 

“What's wrong, lovely?” He asked, looking down at you.

“I literally just reminded myself to blow out the candles like two seconds ago-” You paused, getting up to actually blow out the candles that time. You blew out the candles and got back in bed.

“You know Draco, you're dating an Idiot.”

A clumsy one at that.

“No, I’m in love with an idiot” He murmured. It felt like your heart was trying to leap out of your chest, yet if felt like you’d just let out a breath that you’d been holding in for the entirety of your relationship.

“You love me?” He chuckled, 

“Took you long enough to realize,” He answered, kissing the top of your forehead. You felt your heart flutter and began straddling him.

You placed kisses upon kisses all over his face,

 “I love you too, Draco”

---------

A/N-

Quick thank you to kool-aid for giving me the energy to finish writing this. 

Thank you guys for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

[marsandsaturn]

Can I ask for an ansty one-shot with aizawa, where he has to choose over the reader or one of his friends, and the reader conforts him, could be dirty or not

NOOOOOOO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, I REFUSE.....JK IM GONNA DO IT BECAUSE ITS AIZAWA BUT GOD I AM GOZING TO CRIIIII. Gender: Female Reader but it actually seems like a Gender Neutral  Warnings: Angst, Fluff

Shota Aizawa. Not as known Endeavour or All might, but he is known if you are a fan of underground heroes. You were a super fan of underground Heroes, and luckily for you one of classes, you had to write as essay on a Pro-Hero. While other choose the top 20s or top 10 you chose your favorite Hero. Eraserhead. You had gotten a 100 on that essay, and usually when you do good on a essay for go to your favorite Coffee, Tea, or Boba, place, so that is what you did. What you didn’t expect was that the Pro-Hero was also at that place. You had literally ran into him and fell on your butt. Of course this old man,,,Elizabeth he’s like 31 calm down he’s not that old,,,would fall in love with a senior in college.  Now you were a successful(the career you want in real life apply hear) and dating the Pro-Hero Eraserhead. The first two years were good, lots of cuddling, and hanging out at each other’s apartment. Eventually meeting his class was eventful. Lets just say your favorite students were, Hitoshi Shinsou and Shoto Todoroki, but that’s a secret only for you. But after two years a rough patch began to form. You see, you tended to get attached to people because of your mommy and daddy issues, but I am not going into detail about thats, so you weren’t often trying to be wit Aizawa as much as you can. And although he didn’t mind hanging out with you, he would have liked to hang out with his friends, specifically, Mic and Midnight. So the three of them went out to the club tonight, Midnight’s idea. You on the other hand were a bit upset that you weren’t invited but you pride wouldn’t never let you tell Aizawa how you feel, you stayed in your bed watching anime because why not. But that’s not when you snapped. One night he decided to go out again with his friends, and then another night, and another night, but those nights never bothered you. It was went he had promised the two of you to go out on a date, but instead you saw Aizawa on Mic’s Private story at a club instead of in his car on his away to pick you up. You snapped. You fell to the ground crying and hugging you knees. This is silly. It was okay that he forgot, it will only be one night. This was not going to be only one night, he hates you, you ask for too much, you can’t do things by yourself, he’s gonna leave you. No no Shota would never leave me, he promised, and he has never broken his promises. He broke one tonight. The devil and the angel in your head kept arguing as you dragged yourself out of the apartment. What were you going to do? Confront him like those girls you have seen all over Instagram. Why? Because you knew that you were going to drive him away, you always did. When you arrived, the three of them exited the club on their way to a fast food restaurant, when Midnight saw you. “Zawa isn’t that Y/N?” He turned his head and spotted you looking towards the grounds with your phone in your hand, looking through a bunch of pictures, but not of him, but of people who left you, you never deleted them because you had gotten to attached and didn’t want to delete them. His eyes widen when he realized the two of you had a date tonight. He called out your name you looked up, but tears began to run down your face as soon as you looked into his eyes. He walked towards you and grabbed your arm but you pulled away. “What did I do Shota? Please just answer this? Every time I ask someone this they never answer and try to ignore the question. I just wanna know, what I am doing wrong with each relationship of friendship I had.” You were sobbing at this point, but he pulled the two of you into a alleyway, “What do you mean?” “I have never wanted to be one of those girls, but I can’t take it anymore, not when I am in pain. Why do you chose them every time. I understand that they were there before me but you have been hanging out then them more than me. I haven’t even been in your arms in a month. I just want to love you, kiss you, cuddle you, have dinner with you, maybe lunch or breakfast. I just want you, but I probably did something wrong for you to not want to be around me anymore, fuck, please tell me what I did or am doing wrong so I can either fix it or leave” Shota was a mess, but not as much as you. Most people would have an explanation as to why they were hanging out with their friends more then their s/o but he didn’t have one. Not without giving it away. He wanted to do this on your birthday in your apartment but he didn’t know how much longer he could last. But he understood your pain. He knew the question you were asking, and he had an answer. “Y/N you have done nothing wrong, yes I forgot about tonight’s date, my love, I didn’t want to do this hear and especially in this situation but I can’t loose you. The day you told me about what you wanted to be I truly fell in love. I’m sorry I caused you all this pain”  He bends down to touch your forehead with yours. He loved you too much. This man was whipped for you, or as Denki would state, a simp for you. He loved everything about you from the little things you do when your focused, to the 3 am adventures through the city that you post of your 3 am with Y/N private story that he watched while on patrol. He loved when you would try to cook but fail and almost burn down the apartment, and he loved whenever you would bake, because your baking was the best. He closes his eyes before removing his forehead that was against your and moves his lips towards your quivering ones. Both of your lips were soft, but yours tasted with vanilla with caramel, and his tasted like peppermint, a chapstick you bought him for when the holidays were around. He decided to put the chapstick on again now that it was November and holidays were coming up. He knew you loved when his lips tasted like peppermint. In this moment, you felt safe, you felt like you were home, which was something you haven’t felt in a while. You missed the softness of his hair, the way he looked at you, the way your heart missed a beat whenever he was around, the way he would lay in your arms after a long day, the way the two of you were sit in the bath with bubbles, or when the two of you would watch movies together, or how you two would just read together. “Y/N marry me” The man with the scar under his eye asked, You were shocked. This perfect man wanted to marry you. He wanted to marry a mess that was called Y/N. He wanted to marry you, out of all the people he chose you.

You began to tear up and give him a hug which he returned with a kiss to your forehead. He didn’t care how messed up you were, he wanted you for you. He knew from the moment he met you but didn’t accept that he wanted to marry you until you became successful in your career. “Shota” You called out his name. He pulled back away from the hug and looked at your face. HIs face was filled with love, but not just any love. It was love for you, it was love for the love of his life, his Y/N, “Can we have a June Wedding?”  “Y/N is that a reference to the Vampire Diaries” ‘How’d you know Sho?” He laughed. But he knew that you accepted his proposal. He knew that you want him to be your husband as he wanted you to be his wife. “Actually I’d like a winter wedding because summer weddings suck and I have a list why” You began as he chuckled and kissed you one more time before leading you out the allyway. As soon as the two of you wanted out, Mic and Midnight began to cheer. Of course they were there to witness his proposing to you, they were his best friends after all.

“I love you Sho” “I love you too baby”

Author’s Note: I cried like twice TWICE. I wrote this and I made myself cry. Now I am not saying this is good but I hope it was to your satisfaction :) Please request more stuff like his I really enjoy these. Also sorry if there as any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes I was in a rush to write this as I have assignments due in a few hours sooo. Enjoy ! :) To make are request click here!

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Worthy (pt5)

A/N: I thought I would try to get on top of things and cue a chapter. @rampant-salamander​ @bolontiku​

Markus, as it turned out, was the goofiest guy I was likely to ever meet. His passion for clean energy was matched only by his passion for collecting vintage pop cans. He was the only person on the team who had an office, and it was cluttered with partially finished projects, and mountains of proposals. And his bookshelf had not a single book on it, but instead was lined with pop cans, right back to the dawn of canned carbonated beverages. It was impressive. He pulled his chair around to sit beside me instead of across the table. And in a move that proved the clutter to be a highly efficient filing system, he pulled my proposals from the middle of one of the stacks of papers.

“Your three proposals have all been greenlit by Pepper and Tony, but I won the coin toss, so I get you first. I suspect that your green washer was your back-up proposal, but I love it. I think it’s important to make clean energy available to every household. Your washing machine is economical to build, and that will make it accessible to all income levels. But it also takes into consideration some pretty fantastic advancements in water reclamation. I was impressed by the various disciplines you worked with to put the proposal together, some clearly not your areas.” His speech was relaxed. He flipped through my proposal, certain areas highlighted.

“I’ve lived in university residences for the last nine years. I assure you, access to space and energy efficient washing machines at an affordable price was something I got quite passionate about as more and more of my clothing was destroyed by or stolen from the communal machines,” I laughed.

“I was particularly impressed with the water reclamation technology you managed to build into the machine. That’s usually a very cumbersome apparatus.” He flipped to the schematics I’d included in the proposal.

“I took inspiration from Mr. Stark’s arc reactor miniaturization, and consulted with one of the senior engineering professors to ensure my calculations wouldn’t decrease the output capacity,” I explained.

“You were the only applicant who not only admitted to consulting, but credited the colleagues you consulted with. My department is a well-oiled machine, and every person has a role to play. Your dedication to teamwork is why I pushed for you to work on this project first. Well, and that it’s really cool.” His compliments were making me feel overwhelmed again. I shook my head and looked away. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m worried about the fall-out when you all discover I’m not as amazing as you think I am.” My laugh was stilted. He clapped me on the back.

“By the time that happens, we’ll have the washer on the market and you’ll have secured your place at Stark,” he laughed. His comment made me smile, but it was seriously terrifying to have so many really amazing people telling me that I was awesome. I was untested, fresh from school and so inexperienced. The only reason I hadn’t hidden in academia longer and gone on to my PhD was because I wasn’t exactly sure what I would do with a PhD in engineering that I couldn’t do with a Master’s. 

“What are the other interns like? I didn’t get a chance to meet them last night,” I asked. Markus’s forehead wrinkled in thought.

“Well, one of them no-showed. So we’re down to just two of you. And the other seems okay. Arrogant. Maybe a little too arrogant. I looked over his proposal and passed on it. It seemed way too easy to weaponize,” he explained.

“Which one is he?” I had a hard time believing someone would give up the opportunity of this internship, but I understood the feelings of inadequacy that came with the pressure of accepting on a visceral level. I probably feel somewhere between the guy who showed and the guy who didn’t on the confidence scale. So I was desperately curious about the one who showed up. Know the competition, and all.

“The kid who proposed the mag-lev technology for automobiles. His proposal discusses crumbling infrastructure, and suggests that a mag-lev device in the shocks of vehicles would help protect the structural integrity of vehicles. He completely neglected to mention that it would also be helpful to the military in hostile situations where IEDs and mines can compromise troop safety. I wouldn’t have been suspicious about the proposal at all if he’d included that application and some research on it, but it was really conspicuous in its absence. I think the first thing Tony has asked him to do is flesh out the proposal with the appropriate defense department research. Like we’ve all said, you’re a stand out.” It was in that moment that I finally clued into why I was feeling so out of sorts. I wasn’t used to being recognized and lauded for my work. I was used to producing and working hard. I was used to long hours of research, long hours of application, long hours of revision. But I wasn’t used to even five minutes of praise like I’d been receiving since I showed up at Stark Industries. And as a result, I felt uncomfortable.

“Can I get you to do me a favour?” I asked, suddenly changing the subject.

“Is it legal?” Markus countered.

“Can you dial back the compliments? I appreciate that you are impressed with me and excited about my work. But I’m not used to anyone being thrilled with me like everyone here seems to be. I feel like an imposter. It’s a lot of pressure.” It felt good to say the words aloud. Markus leaned back in his chair. He crossed his arms, and just looked at me. Assessed me. Then he nodded.

“Sure, kid. No more endorsements, praise or approval until you prove yourself,” he agreed. “I give that about a week.” I think he thought he’d mumbled the last part quietly enough that I didn’t hear him. I let out a huff of resignation and shook my head.

“I appreciate it, Markus.” I pushed myself out of my chair. As frustrating as I found the golden child treatment to be, I could step back and appreciate it more knowing Markus was going to let me find my feet. I shook his hand again and headed back out, astonished to see how much time had passed while I was meeting him. Angela was back at my desk, and was holding a paper bag.

“I intercepted the distribution delivery to your room. Check out the towels you ordered.” She handed me the bag. I pulled a towel out and snapped it open. It was even smaller than the towels I already had.

“This said it was a bath sheet in the order book,” I protested. Angela laughed.

“Well, now you have hand towels for eternity. Let’s go get you some decent sized towels. Can’t have Thor seeing you in the altogether again, can we?” She linked arms with me, and started to lead me away from my desk. I barely had a chance to grab my purse and the bag of towels before she dragged me off. “I just need to drop this file off for Pepper, so we’re on our way up before we go down.”

We were intercepted in the elevator by a woman who was obviously fed up with the guy who was with her. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her mouth was set in a thin line. Every time she breathed it was like she was counting in her head. Slowly in, slowly out. I guessed it was my fellow intern, and I wasn’t wrong.

“Ladies.” He winked at Angela and smirked at me. I bit my lip and tried to hold back a snort of amusement. What a dork. Angela smiled at the woman with him.

“Marie! How is day two going? Are you settling Matt in?”

“You could say that. We’re just headed up for a little chat with Ms. Potts about policy and procedure,” she nodded. I looked at Angela in alarm. We hadn’t done that. Angela met my panicked look with a serene one, and just barely shook her head. 

“Ella, this is Marie. She works in the same capacity as I do, and has been assigned to orient the other intern to Stark Industries. Matthew Emerson is from MIT. Ella came from CalTech,” Angela offered. Matthew offered his hand and gave me a once over that was overtly unprofessional. I rolled my eyes.

“A pleasure, Ella. I’m sure we’ll be seeing much more of one another over the summer.” The way he said it made me want to bathe in bleach. I forced a smile and withdrew my hand from his sweaty grip. I turned back to the front of the elevator without saying anything in return.

The elevator stopped on the 77th floor and the doors opened. Thor stepped on, munching on what appeared to be a pop-tart, and nodded at us. He pushed the button for the top floor. Apparently we were all headed up to see Tony and Pepper. He was holding the hammer loosely in his grip, and the way the light caught on the surface, I could see the writing on it again. My mind flashed back to the moment I’d lifted it, and the shock that had coursed through my body.

“So, Ella. You don’t look like a CalTech girl,” Matt started. I gave him a questioning look. “I would expect you to be beach ready, with a perfect California tan. Tan lines optional.” He winked. I turned and faced him.

“Excuse me?”

“Well, come on. We all know you only got the internship because you’re the closest thing to attractive out of the women applicants. Pepper needed a sort of pretty chick for the face of her Women in STEM campaign. I just figured you’d be more summer girl than science girl.” His laugh was a derisive snort. Before I could respond, he slapped my ass. I saw red. The rage bubbled up so quickly, I wasn’t even sure where it came from. But I’d been dealing with asshats like him since I’d started university and I was not going to let his type win this round. I set my jaw and grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back and pushing him into the wall. He made another disgusting comment. I’m not entirely sure what happened next, but when I came back to myself, I was standing over him, panting, and holding Mjolnir in my left hand. 

“Ella!” Angela reached for me. Thor put a hand up and prevented her from getting close. The elevator doors opened and Pepper and Tony were greeted with what was probably the strangest tableau they’d ever seen. The god of thunder looking on hopelessly as a raging intern held his hammer over the other intern. I could feel the lightning from the handle coursing through me again, but this time it wasn’t as painful or startling. It snapped me back to the present. I looked down at my hand in surprise and back up to Thor, meeting his gaze. I held out my hand without breaking eye contact. He took the hammer from me, and held out his other hand to stop the elevator door from closing on us.

“I don’t recall seeing anger management issues in your background,” Tony had come over to investigate.

“It was a warranted response, Tony. The boy spoke vulgarly.” Thor was in my corner, even if he was irritated that I kept stealing his hammer. Tony looked at Angela, who nodded.

“We were just on our way up to drop off this file,” Angela held the folder out to Pepper, who accepted it. She stepped back onto the elevator, and pulled me to the back with her. I think she was hoping we’d get away with leaving.

“And you?” Tony looked at Marie. Marie stepped off the elevator and gestured for Matt to follow her. He scuttled past me and pulled himself to his feet.

“Matt needs a policy and procedure orientation,” she replied. “From Pepper.” Tony raised an eyebrow, and in that moment, I realized that was code for something else completely. He stepped aside and let Marie and Matt pass him. Angela leaned over to punch the button to return us to the ground floor. 

“Not so fast,” Tony intercepted the attempted escape. “Ella is going to have to explain exactly how it was she came to be holding the hammer. Again. You don’t need to stick around though, Angela.” I sighed and stepped off the elevator, anticipating the worst. Tony led me over to the far side of the room, to the bar. Thor had followed, wordlessly. He dropped a couple of ice cubes into a pair of glasses and poured two drinks. He handed one to Thor and the other to me.

“Vodka, rocks, right?” He confirmed. I nodded. He nodded at a chair and I sat, smoothing my skirt over my knees. “Elizabeth Carmichael. Who exactly are you?”

[jack-antonoff]

get to know me tag

tagged by @njaems

tagging: anyone who wants to do it!

What day is your birthday? July 20th

What is your favorite color? Mint green, and pastel pink as a close second

What’s your lucky number? 24. Vietnamese students get assigned a number each year and mine typically was 24

Do you have any pets? A mixed hound pup named Ginny 

How tall are you? 158cm / 5′2 :(

How many pairs of shoes do you own? ~ 9-10 I think

Favorite song? I have too many but Such Great Heights by The Postal Service always make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside so maybe that song?

Favorite movie? Clueless. Emma is my favorite Austen book and both Clueless & Emma (2009) are my go-to comfort movie/ show (my url when I first became active on tumblr was knightley-woodhouse haha)

Who would be your ideal partner? Someone who I can banter well with 

Do you want children? I think I would like to adopt one someday? Pregnancy/ giving birth scares the shit out of me but I think I might wanna have children

Have you ever got into trouble with the law? Nope

Baths or showers? Showers. I just don’t have enough patient for a bath though ngl those bubble bath/ bath bombs do seem alluring

What color socks are you wearing? None

What type of music do you like? Well the 4 playlist that are divided by genres on my Spotify are: bubblegum bops, infectious indie, alternative anthems, and grungy gems. I also have a playlist called ethereal for dreampop/ shoegazey songs. I do have an rnb playlist but I’m still organizing that one so it’s not public yet

How many pillows do you sleep with? 2. One to lay my head on and one to hug

What position do you usually sleep in? On the side, hugging my pillow like a shrimp

What you don’t like when you’re sleeping? When sleeping with others it’s the sound of snoring. When sleeping alone it’s the sound of mosquitoes/ flies/ bees zooming around. So I guess just noise in general

What do you typically have for breakfast? When I stay with my mom she cooks traditional Vietnamese breakfast like noodles or rice. When I’m on my own during the school year it’s typically just toast/ cereal/ granola bar

Have you ever tried archery? Nope, it looks cool tho!

Favorite fruit? Vietnam has this fruit called sapodilla that is super delicious but I can’t find it here. I also like dragonfruits, watermelons, mangoes, cherries (Basically sweet fruits) 

Favorite swear word? Can’t go wrong with fuck. A classic. Fuck off and Get fucked are my go-to

Do you have any scars? Not anymore. I got run over by a motorbike in elementary school and got 3 scars on my stomach but they all faded now

Are you a good liar? Not really. But since I’m a bad liar I typically tell the truth, which ends up making ppl trust me during the rare times I lie :p

What is your personality type? Well I got a different ones everytime I do the quiz so I just ended up google what each letter stands for and sorted myself lol. I align myself with ISFJ the most

What is your favorite type of girls? Fictional? Emma Woodhouse/ Cher Horowitz along with Ai Haibara from Detective Conan are my favorite heroines of all time (Snarky bitches with heats of gold). Irl? Girls with great sense of humor

Are you an innie or an outie? Innie

Left or right handed? Right

Favorite food? Vietnamese, Japanese, and Korean food

Favorite foreign food? Sushi/ poke, Korean bbq and fried chicken (In fact I just had a Korean cheese fried chicken earlier lol), tacos (esp fish tacos)

Are you a clean or messy person? Messy in terms of organization but I can’t stand actual dirt/ sticky substance

Most used phrase? “Well I guess...” or “Yeah...”

How long does it take for you to get ready? 15 mins normally, 45 mins when I wanna be more dressed up

Do you talk to yourself? Yeah. She makes a lot of good points!

Do you sing to yourself? Yes

Are you a good singer? Nope, I can’t hold a tune to save my life

Biggest fear? I have severe flight anxiety and always imagine what if the plane crashes when I get on a flight. Otherwise just typical stuff like ghosts or getting murdered

Are you a gossip? Not really irl but I do enjoy lurking online drama from time to time. Highly recommend the subreddit r/hobbydrama I have wasted a lot of times reading things on there haha

Do you like long or short hair? I typically cut my hair to chin length, let it grow to around my boobs & then cut again

Favorite school subject? From K-12: English (as a foreign language when I was in VN), French (when I move here, but I already forgot most of my french by now rip), History, Literature. So typical social studies stuff. I also enjoy math from time to time

Extrovert or Introvert? Mostly introvert but going to concerts is one my favorite activities ever and I do enjoy being in the crowd during those times. Also HCMC/ Saigon population is like 9 million so even though I cherish my own space I am kinda used to crowded places in general

What makes you nervous? Flights as mentioned above, public speaking, confrontations

Who was your first real crush? That one kid in elementary school who I can’t remember the name of but was really good at drawing

How many piercings do you have? Just 2, one on each ear. I haven’t worn earrings in a while tho I hope they haven’t closed yet...

How fast can you run? I’m terribly out of shape so not very fast lol

What color is your hair? Black. Had I been able to fly back to VN this summer I think I would have dyed it to a brown-pink color (think Jisung during Boom, but maybe more brown)

What color are your eyes? Black (although I read that black irises technically don’t exist, it’s actually a very deep brown color instead)

What makes you angry? Lots of things but unfairness & hypocrisy in general

Do you like your own name? Yeah. I like that it’s unisex, short, and easy to spell/ pronounce for people of all backgrounds (although some still misspell it as Ming...). It also means bright/ light which I think is cool. I also like my full name as a whole, kinda long but pretty unique

Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I think a girl but I’m open to both

What are your strengths? Straightforwardness and I’m pretty self-aware

What are your weaknesses? My lack of patience and my tendency to procrastinate lol

Color of your bedspread? Mint

Color of your room? White

[tiny-yoongienthusiast]

As painful as it would be, I want to be laying in bed with my lover, shirts off just breathing each other in, bathing in the warm sunlight filtering in from the window and spread across his face, illuminating his years worth of scars My gaze is fixed on where my fingers and his chest touch, skin indenting at the slightest of pressure and I look up to see him looking down at me, eyes full of something not said but felt His hand come shifts from his stomach to his chest where our fingers interlock, needing to feel each other’s touch, heartbeats connected through twisting veins and contact heated flesh He lifts my hand to his lips and presses loving kisses that both burn and soothe me, his grip gentle and loving His kisses move to my palm down to my wrist, slow moving, patient His stubble tickles the sensitive skin there and I can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from my throat, I can feel his smile start to form at the sound Our eyes catch each other’s and his hand gently lowers mine, moving to tentatively tilt my head up for our first kiss of the morning, I almost drown in it, wanting to never pull away ‘I missed you’ he says against my lips, twinging a string in my heart, ‘you have me’ I say back, head resting on his chest to feel the beat of what he entrusted me with, I close my eyes The door being broken down is impossibly loud in the solace of mornings silence and I am pushed to the ground by men in uniform, the dirt floor scuffs my palms and I cry out in pain, cries growing louder when I realize they’re reaching for him He puts up a struggle but stops when one of the horrid men hits him, blood streaming from his nose, dripping down those lips that were connected with mine just moments ago I hear myself scream as I reach for him but I am pushed away, backed into a corner by men much bigger than myself, I lose sight of him out the door When the men finally move I run out the way he went and catch a glimpse of the back of a horse drawn cart turning a corner, I barely feel my legs moving as I desperately chase after it, praying I could see any part of him to know he is safe He has been arrested, I don’t know the details as I wasn’t permitted any, the boorish men telling me it was their assigned duty to take him away, away from me They leave me to myself, wallowing in my own upset and anger where I had been so happy before, the bedding is still warm from where he lay and all I want to do is swim in it, dip below the surface and never come up for air, content to drown in him I visit him the day after his arrest, his hands bound in chains and his smile pained from the guard’s fist I fall into his chest, breath coming out far too fast to be healthy, he pulls me away, ‘you are alright dearest I’m here’ his words only make my chest clench more as I shake my head and bury my nose in his neck, breathing as much of him as I can I don’t remember falling asleep but I’m roused by a rough hand on my shoulder and a voice telling me to go home Visits like that go on for days more until the day I arrive only to be told he isn’t there, ‘to be executed today’ I can’t breathe as I beg him to tell me where, ‘Boartooth Woods’ I know the path well enough and don’t waste a second word with him My lungs ache and I can’t feel my feet but the stinging of pine needles against my face don’t stop me as I run through the woods to the field where I know he is A few scattered guards, an executioner, and the pastor all stand around where he is on he platform, I don’t know the screaming I hear is coming from me until all the people in attendance turn toward me in shock I run to where he is, falling into his arms He pulls me away so he can look me in the eyes, they flicker rapidly as if searching for something he hadn’t already memorized, ‘I’ll miss you’ The tears start to fall as I shake my head, wanting to tell him off, wanting to say it’ll be all right, needing him to say I’ll be fine, knowing neither is true

He put his finger to my lips and smiles softly, memories of that day rushing to the fore front of my mind, it only makes me sob harder to think about but I refuse to break him from his hopeful do over, ‘you’ll always have me’ His face relaxes and he pulls me into our last kiss of the day, still just as caring as the ones before I’m pulled off of him and it feels like I’ve been burned, I shriek and wail, trying to get back into his arms where everything is warm and safe but as I look back into his eyes and see his calm facade he put on just for me start to crumble, I can’t hold anything back anymore, it only hurts more when I see the glint of the executioner’s blade shine behind him in the lowering sunlight I start to beg to anyone who will listen, the guards holding me back with their fingers digging painfully into my arms and shoulders, the pastor, a man of god I ask to stop the madness and hurt but he stays silent in my anguish I look back up at that platform, memorize every detail, allow ourselves a tearstained goodbye, I close my eyes and hear the wet impact of his punishment

[yootaesowlwrites]

Scenario Prompts - [1]

Prompts are below the cut from what you can choose from for when my requests are open.

Please make sure to add ‘C’ along with the number of your choice when requesting.

More prompts

[ one ]

Prompts | Smut prompts | AU prompts | Christmas scenario’s | Christmas prompts | Vampire Prompts |

Credit to the people that created these prompts, I found them on pinterest and on tumblr.

C1— we just had a one-night stand but a massive storm hit so now we’re snowed in, hello awkward

C2— you were supposed to have a beautiful winter wedding but you were ditched during the vows and my idiot sibling/best friend just cracked a joke about how maybe I’d finally tell you how I feel about you and you heard

C3— someone assumed we’re dating but I didn’t realize that’s what they meant until it was too late and I had committed us to a couples’ retreat weekend

C4— you jokingly propose to me at the bar but it ends up all over social media so now I have to track you down because I don’t even know your name

C5— you were a dick to my coworker so I’ve been writing insults on your cups and why the hell do you keep coming back here anyway

C6— you’re my ex who I’ve never really gotten over and you just surprised me by paying for my coffee and I’m not prepared to see you

C7— my coworker wrote my cell phone number on your cup when I wasn’t paying attention and now you’re texting me

C8— I’ve been getting really creative with my foam art and I do some naughty-bits to amuse my coworker on their drink when you mistakenly take it and think I’m hitting on you

C9— you join me at my table thinking I’m your blind date and you don’t stop talking about how nervous you are for this date so I don’t get a chance to tell you that you have the wrong person when your actual date comes up and thinks you were hitting on me while waiting for them

C10— when people hit on me and ask for my number, I usually make up a number to put on their cups, and today I just happened to write your number on your cup so you call me out

C11— I’m sorry for laughing at you walking into the glass door/window, please let me help you up

C12— I know your sign says ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ but can I please give you a really long explanation as to what has led to me desperately needing coffee without a shirt or shoes

C13— you dropped to your knee to tie your shoe but suddenly, people are congratulating us on getting engaged and we just scored free coffee so we roll with it

C14— I ask you to come look at houses with me and the real estate agent just gave a very convincing speech as to why this backyard would be a great place for a wedding

C15— I like to go skinny dipping by myself at 5 am when the sun starts to rise and you’ve started to go running at that time

C16— it’s almost 3 am so I go down to the lake to skinny dip and you decide to join me but you don’t realize I’m naked

C17— everyone assumed we were going to end up together, but it’s your engagement party and you overhear me talking about how I’m in love with you

C18— we agree that this is until one of us meets someone else but I think you just met someone else and I’m freaking out

C19— my drunk friend announces in the bar that I’m in love with you, but we didn’t know you were here with your friends too

C20— my email address is really close to the popular person’s, so you think you’re emailing them and I think I have a secret admirer and when the truth comes out, we’re both in too deep

C21— six months ago we slept together and I never expected to find you outside my front door in tears asking if you could stay the night because you have nowhere else to go

C22— I’m assigned to write a piece rounding up all the bad press that you, a famous celebrity, have been getting and you show up in my office and demand me to write a retraction and get the ‘real’ story

C23— I’m at the 24/7 gym at 2 in the morning and I thought I was alone so I’m singing in the showers, but when you start singing with me, I’m startled and slip so the first time we meet, we’re both wet and naked

C24— my twin clearly did something to piss you off, but you obviously don’t know I’m a twin so I’m listening to you tell me how much of an asshole I am and am very amused and it’s making you angrier

C25— you’re a celebrity/prince/princess/etc. who has decided to don a fake persona to go to school undercover and I figure it out within the first month of class but I keep your secret until the whole thing blows up in your face and you need help hiding from the paparazzi

C26— I like to go skinny dipping by myself at 5 am when the sun starts to rise and you’ve started to go running at that time

C27— it’s almost 3 am so I go down to the lake to skinny dip and you decide to join me but you don’t realize I’m naked

C28— after a huge fight, we fall out of touch, but it’s our high school reunion and I don’t want to lose you again

C29— you overhear me talking to our mutual friend about how I’m scared that you won’t feel the same way about me

C30— I strip because I enjoy it and it’s good money, but I didn’t expect to be hired for your friend’s bachelor party.

C31— we fall asleep on the couch watching Netflix together and when I wake up, our fingers are intertwined

C32— you misdial at a telephone booth and ask in a very upset voice if I can pick you up, and I don’t know why, but I ask where you are so I can pick you up

C33— six months ago we slept together and I never expected to find you outside my front door in tears asking if you could stay the night because you have nowhere else to go

C34— I ducked into this tiny bakery to get out of the rain, but oh my goodness, it smells so good here that I might just have to stop for a bit and try just one cookie…

C35— I have been having the crappiest week ever, but you surprised me with a bubble bath and comfort food and I cannot even right now. What did I do to deserve you?

C36— Character A comes home from work one day to find Character B on the couch, wrapped up in blankets and wearing one of Character A’s favourite sweatshirts. There’s a box of tissues next to them and Character B looks absolutely feverish and awful

C37— I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 am in the morning and when I asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why your here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night.

C38— You live in the apartment above me and your water pipe burst and is flooding into my apartment and you can hear me yelling so you come down to my apartment to see what’s going on and witness me standing in my kitchen/bathroom/whatever, holding an umbrella, screaming at the water pouring out of my ceiling and crying because I have no idea what to do and we both just kinda stand there in shock as my stuff gets ruined and you let me crash in your apartment until my apartment gets fixed because you feel bad.

C39— I’ve been in love with you since you first moved in and I finally built up the courage to knock on your door but when you answered you had just woken up and didn’t have a shirt on so I ran away

C40— I locked myself out of my apartment so I have to climb out your window and onto my balcony

C41— You’re drunk and walked into the wrong apartment and fell asleep on my couch oh god you’re going to be so confused in the morning

C42— Your laundry got mixed up with mine somehow and now we’re sitting in silence sorting underwear

C43— I walked in on your ex yelling at you so you grabbed me and kissed me so she’d go away and I’m kind of freaked out I literally just met you last week

C44— Ice breaks underneath Character A’s feet and Character B sees when they’re walking past the lake and saves them.

C45— You walked here in a blizzard to get your hot chocolate but you forgot your wallet at home, here, let me buy your drink for you.

C46— Mistaking Character A for someone else, Character B runs up to them and hugs them out of nowhere… or worse, punches them

[unemployedadhd]

Making a Reward System

So people with ADHD (and probably other neurodivergent peeps) can really benefit by making some sort of reward system for themselves, because it provides some structure and positive reinforcement.... things that I very much need. 

I had a reward system that worked really well for me in grad school, but now that I’m graduated it needs some tweaking. (I’m going to start off saying that my reward system is complicated by design. why? because it can hold my interest and attention better that way.)

1. Decide what kind of tasks your reward system will reward.  Since my focus is a combo of figuring out my professional life, taking care of my mental health, and using this time to build up a sense of self that exists outside of being employed/ in school. I divided my tasks into those three categories. 

2. Figure out something that would actually motivate you Personally, I am not very motivated by money, so all those systems that are about putting $ in a jar just don’t work for me. I AM motivated by tiny, inexpensive gifts. So I decided to go with a prize box, because damn, that motivated me in 3rd grade and it still does. 

3. Assign value to your tasks/ rewards.  This is where my personal system gets a little complicated. I use both star stickers and pebbles as a way of valuing my tasks.  So small tasks = 1 star sticker (that’s stuff like making my bed, meditating, reading for 20 minutes. Tasks that I... have trouble doing, but dont actually require that much energy.  big tasks= 1 pebble (big tasks are the things on my to-do list that require a lot of time/energy/focus. like applying to jobs, submitting to a magazine, or working on content for the podcast I want to launch.)  3 star stickers= 1 pebble because that made sense to me.  Objects in the reward box have varying “pebble prices” something like buying a new video game might be worth 10-15 pebbles, but something smaller like new embroidery thread or some washi tape might be worth 1-5 pebbles. 

4. Establish guidelines for your rewards.  This is possibly the most important step. The ADHD brain is more likely to give attention to something if it’s interesting, novel, or urgent. Since we’re trying to do positive reinforcement, the things in the prize box should be either interesting or novel. For me, that means hobby related prizes. Like, frankly I dont give a fuck about a tube of bubbles. Is it fun for five minutes? yes. Will the thought of a bubble wand make me sit down and actually meditate like my therapist keeps telling me to? no. BUT fancy new embroidery thread that’s golden?? I will think about that day in and day out. Fun new galaxy stickers for my bullet journal?? I’m so on it. New pens? I’m dead. BUT my guidelines are as followed: prize box items should encourage a hobby, NOT limit accessibility to it. So can fancy new embroidery thread go into the prize box? yes. Will my embroidery hoops or needles go into the prize box? no. because I need those things to do my hobby, but I dont need shiny thread. shiny thread is a a treat. Likewise, I’m never going to put “1 hour of animal crossing” into my prizebox, b/c then I’ll start feeling like I need to earn time to relax (something I often already feel and need to deconstruct). But I might put in some codes to custom designs in my prize box, because those can embellish the game, but wont stop me from playing it. 

5. Set up a tracking zone.   Mine is on the wall behind my desk, but if you have a white board area it’d make sense to set this up next to that & it’s made up of four components:  1. Star Tracker Sheets: there are two sheets made out of grid-lined paper. one for mental health tasks and one for personal fulfillment tasks. There’s space to each tasks to place a star sticker.  2. To-Do List Area: this is made from chalk & strips of tape with writing on them. Essentially I created a list of tasks I do for various “work” projects (applying to jobs, working on the podcast, submitting my writing to journals). At the start of my work day, I decide which project I want to work on & move the corresponding bit of tape into the box labeled “today’s focus.” When it’s done, I can use the chalk to check it off & give myself a pebble.  3. Pebble Box: I divided an old phone box into three areas: “in progress” pebbles (which are the ones that haven’t been awarded yet), a sticker area, where the sheets are cut into three sticker groupings to make tracking easier, and a “earned pebbles” area where I can put the pebbles that I’ve earned from doing a pebble task, or b/c I did three star-sticker tasks.  4. The Prize Box: I put this somewhere that’s somewhat out of the way, but where I can see it, so that I’m constantly thinking about the fancy embroidery thread & doing tasks so that I can get it. 

6. Start using your system!  Tweak it as you go along & figure out comes naturally & what doesn’t work for you. & remember that sometimes people with ADHD will stop seeing something if it’s in one place for too long. If you find that this is a useful system, but after a month you start to forget that it exists, then set an alarm for the first of each month & change it up visibly or move it to a different location. 

Here’s what mine looks like! 

The full view:

Close up on the board to show the sticker sheet vs. pebble task trackers

Here’s the pebble box & stickers. The sticker sheets are cut into three stickers/sheet, since in my system three stickers equal a pebble. so when I finish a sheet, I can clearly see that I need to move a pebble

Prize box! It’s mostly fabric, since that’s what I have on hand right now. When I set up my system for the first time earlier this year, I went out & bought like $10-$20 on small things to fill it. my rule was no more than $2 per item. I think I stuck to it except for the space fabric which was $4. Tea, coffee add-ins, sheet masks, bath bombs, sheet music (if you play an instrument), earring hooks, beads, a plant pot, vouchers for things you can do in video games are all good too. I often put the next book that I want to read in my prize box, so it feels like an event when I finish a book and pick up a new one. Personally, I avoid putting any food/snacks in my prize box, because I find the idea of earning snacks to create some issues in how I think about my relationship to food. So I just avoid it entirely. 

[gauntie-o-dimm]

Lambert | Caught Red Handed

Prompt: ‘I wish it was you instead of my hand.’

Word count: 2500+ Warnings: Smut, swearing, anal fingering

My hands were pruned by holding them into the hot water for a little too long, but scrubbing Lamberts blood-stained armor against the washboard was no easy task. The scent of the strong soap stung in my nose and I rubbed some hair from my face before resuming this pesky chore - but then, it was something that had to be done. Was it up to the Witcher himself, he would walk around covered in body fluids and smelling of death, for the nasty smells left him unfazed. However, ever since we were in a relationship, he changed his ways. Under one condition, though: he would take a daily bath provided that I washed his clothes for him. Me, as a great girlfriend, agreed upon that, not only doing my own laundry, but his as well. I was just done hanging up the shirt that he wore under his coat - a shirt that had been crisp white once but now displayed a more grey haze - when I heard the front door open and close. Every few weeks, Lambert would crash at my place for a while, unwinding from his life as a Witcher and getting a taste of domestic bliss instead; something I think he never really was a man for, until he ran into me. But then, after all, I was the one to offer him to stay at my place every now and then. Healthy relationships always contained a sense of give-some and take-some.

'Hey babe.' he greeted, leaning down to press a kiss onto my lips - though he smelled so utterly of sweat and blood that I instinctively pulled back. The kiss landed on my jaw instead, though with a cheeky movement of his head. 'Alright then, I think I get the hint.' Hit cat eyes shimmered as he undid his armor, all whilst keeping that naughty glint as they rested on me. He tossed his dirty attire in the assigned laundry basket, much to my delight. Often, he had the bad habit of just leaving it on the floor, so I wasn't complaining. 'How was work today?' Lambert sighed, shaking his head. 'Slow and fruitless. Sat there waiting for a griffin ankle deep in mud, but it didn't show up.' 'You better not have left muddy footprints on my porch!' 'Well, you should have to double check that!' I playfully splashed some water in his direction, but he was able to avoid it anyways. 'Go take a bath, you stinky child!' 'Yes, boss!' Shaking my head with a smirk plastered onto my face, I continued doing the laundry until all pieces of armor were pinned to the clothing line to dry. I took a basket that contained dry, clean clothes and went on my way to put them in my dresser that was located in the bedroom. However, when I passed the bathroom on my way there, a low groan stopped me in my tracks. It made the hairs of my neck stand on end at how deep it sounded and an immediate fire started to burn in the pit of my stomach. The laundry basket was slightly tilted, causing the neatly folded clothes to fall to the floor, but I didn't mind. Instead, I rushed to the door of the bathroom, pressing my ear against the door to listen - hoping to hear another of those delicious sounds leave the Witcher's lips. '(Y/n)... Fuck... Take it... Oh, shit, you're so tight...' I immediately realized what he was doing. I pressed my legs together, hoping to soothe some of the ache that grew in between them. In addition, I only hoped he would moan my name again so he'd bring back memories from previous nights between the sheets, be it at Kaer Morhen or right here in my bedroom. '(Y/n)...' His voice was clearer now, different, mischievous. '(Y/n)...' It wasn't a moan, nor a grunt. It was as if he was... Calling to me?' '(Y/n), I know you're there. You can come in, if you want. The door isn't locked.' I nearly stumbled forward, ready to run. My feet however, for some reason, were glued to the ground, unable to move. It wasn't as if I hadn't seen Lambert naked before, and we were both turned on now, right? I thickly swallowed, letting my gaze fall to the floor for a moment. Then, I shifted, taking the doorknob and twisting it open. It was indeed unlocked and I shyly made my way inside, closing it behind me before finally daring to face the brunet Witcher, who was smirking at me rather naughtily. 'Hey there, babe... Noticed you listening in on me while I was touching myself.' He palmed his own manhood, jerking off his glistening length underwater. If I looked concentrated enough, I could just make out the vague outlines through the fading bubbles. He just smirked perversely, eyeing my body up and down with a confidence as if I hadn't just walked in on him with a fistful of himself and my name on his tongue. 'I think you should come closer. After all, I can smell your arousal from here, and as for me... Well, I wish it was you instead of my hand.' The offer was tempting. I shuffled towards him, suddenly bashful and insecure. Even though we had sex plenty times before and we were a couple, it still made me feel like I had walked in on something wholly private. But if Lambert minded, he wouldn't have let me know that he knew of my previously hush-hush presence.

I sat down on the edge of the tub, letting him wrap a wet arm around me, causing my dress to grow damp. He moved his other hand to undo the straps and buttons that held my dress together, letting it free until my breasts spilled out from the top. 'There. This place is warm enough, don't you think?' He moved his face in a way with a certain expression that told me that I had to kiss him. I obeyed this silent demand, leaning down to plant my lips against his. Whereas I did not make haste, Lambert was quick to grope at the mounds of flesh that hung from my shirt, rolling one of my nipples between his fingers. The Witcher almost seemed touch-starved, tongue rolling against mine with such a need that it took my breath away. I gasped softly as he nibbled on my bottom lip, giving a cheeky smile as I pulled back. 'Do you like it when I pinch your nipples like this?' he asked with a tone of his voice that was reserved for bedroom-affairs only. I whimpered as he massaged one of the buds, taking the other in his mouth, kissing saliva-laden marks all over it.

My fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. His body was damp and caused water to seep through my clothes, but I didn't mind. I had a feeling that they soon would be discarded on the cold bedroom tiles, only to be loaded with the smell of lavender by tomorrow morning. Lambert licked and sucked away at my breasts, cat-like eyes looking up at me, fingers electric to the touch as they managed to slip under my dress, pushing up the heavy fabric until it was halfway up my thighs.

I swatted his hand away from tugging at my briefs - after all, he was the one that was turned on in the first place. Following the act of rolling up my sleeves until they were safely secured behind my elbows, I moved in a way that one hand was in front of him, the other resting on the bathtub for support. Lambert leaned back, knowing damn well what I was up to. 'Oh, you cheeky thing.' I raised an eyebrow, slipping my hand into my underwear, coating my palm with my slick. The action made the Witcher grunt in arousal, his head falling back to rest on the edge. 'Holy shit. Are you going to...' An answer wasn't coming, or not a verbal one at least. I slipped my hand under the hot water of the tub, which was still surprisingly warm, despite Lambert already being in here for quite some time. I found his swollen length between the foam and bubbles, taking a firm hold of him as a sharp hiss left his lips, teeth gritted as I started to move my hand up and down. He braced his feet against the wood of the tub, bucking his hips upwards as I jerked him off, tugging on his length to feel every vein and crevice jerk in my grip. Lambert gritted his teeth, head rolling backwards and a grunt once again filling the bathroom. I liked the way he smelled right now, a mixture of lavender, blade oil and sex.

The brunets hand reached up, pulling me down for a rough kiss, a loud grunt being forced past my lips, trembling through my body. I stroked the head of his cock, gathering the pleasure that was already forming on the slit. One thing I never got used to was that Lambert could always cum extremely fast, especially when I wasn't being pleasured, but just him, as if he was in a hurry to touch me instead. '(Y/n), fuck!' he hissed, rolling his lower body into my palm. At the way he was throbbing, I could make up that he was close to orgasm. Without stopping, I continued the handjob, kissing his forehead in a sweet manne

My sleeve fell towards my forearm, my dress becoming wet underwater, but it was the least thing I cared about right now. Instead, I kept stroking him, tugging at the exact right places to have him buck his hips in my grip. Despite the water, his member was slick and slippery. 'Oh, babe, I am going to burst alright!' 'Do it, then.' I coaxed him, pressing a kiss on his hair, 'Come on, baby. I might have a surprise for you.' 'Can I eat your cunt?' he pleaded, groping my thigh. 'Oh please, I want you to ride my face after this... Fuck, right there baby girl! Oh, fuck yes!' I lightly laughed at how intensely he needed my hand around his cock right now, wholly enveloped by it as he started to thrust out his orgasm; hot seed spilled from the tip, leaking over my hand. Lambert groaned out loud, biting his lip tightly until he drew blood. 'Oh, I love you... I love you...' he murmured, contently rolling back his head as his high finished.

But I wasn't done, yet. I shifted, still holding onto his swollen member, but able to reach behind him as well. My other hand now gathered some of my own slick, that was easier to reach from the angle I was sitting in - though uncomfortable, he was now in between my arms. 'Raise your body up a little, Lambert.' I instructed, watching him knit his brows together in confusion, but he obeyed anyway. I circled one wet circle around his asshole, lubing it up and watching his reaction. The Witcher had not expected me to touch him that way, so he gasped loudly before turning beet-red. 'I am going to put my finger in your ass, okay?' He let out a small groan and nodded. 'Okay, (Y/n)... I trust you.' And with that, I added my index finger, turning it in a way so I could stimulate his prostate - it was something I had read the other day, a nifty trick that could make a man come much more intensely. Thus, I wiggled the digit around until I was one knuckle deep. 'Relax, darling...' I hushed his grunts, 'If you want to stop, just tell me.' 'Please, continue!' he pleaded, voice panicking as if I would stop. I took my hand from his length, moving it under my skirt, getting some extra lube to be able to insert my finger further, as well as a dollop of saliva to go with it. I rubbed it around the area before placing my palm back around his erect cock, managing to slip my finger in a little more whilst continuously stroking him. The Witcher seemed to completely get into the feeling, only moaning louder at the moment I found the plum-sized lump about three inches deep, starting to finger it with a slight ache of my finger. The only thing that held me from withdrawing the sore digit was the reaction I got from Lambert; complete awe and bliss. Moving my finger against his rectum all while giving him a handjob... And the knowledge of Lambert being submissive for once, it made it all better for me as well.

His fingers curled against the bath, gripping onto it but slipping away because it was wet, soon settling on my thighs instead to get some kind of brace against the jerks of his body. He was thoroughly enjoying this; and so was I.

Lambert was grunting loudly, eyes wide open as he stared at me. His mouth opened and shut, unable to let out any words, whimpering at the over-stimulation. Oh, I loved it how he was nearly crying at the way my finger moved in sync with my movements around his length, my grip slimy from his previous release. I kept fingering his prostate, looking him straight in the eye while doing so. 'Fuck, (Y/n)!' the Witcher murmured, overwhelmed by the new sensation. He was quivering now, legs trembling as I kept stroking his cock, that had started to throb once again. 'Oh fuck, I'm going to cum again!' he announced, lifting his hips from the bath before he sent a new load of his seed all over my hand. I tutted satisfactorily, tilting my head slightly before milking him through the high, until I knew he was fully spent.

He just flopped down against the edge, nearly slipping down, water splashing against his exhausted face. He was still trying to catch his breath, but I pressed a rough kiss onto his mouth nevertheless. 'You incredible woman.' Lambert breathed, his heart thumping in his chest though calming down. I smiled and pressed a kiss onto his jaw. 'Did you like it?' As if I had to ask... He smirked widely, leaning in to kiss me firmly. 'I loved it. I think that was the most intense orgasm I've ever had.' 'I should certainly finger your ass more often.' Lambert let out a chuckle, nodding firmly. 'I agree with that. Oh, I still feel all fuzzy down there.' I propped myself up against the edge of the tub, smiling up at him. 'Do you want to go for another round?' The Witcher didn't have to hear that a second time. He pulled me into the bath with him, causing us both to burst out in laughter. My dress was soaked now, but it had to be added to the pile of laundry, anyways. 'Seems like I can never get anything done in this household, Lambert.' He let out a small laugh. 'I agree. Not when I am around, anyways.'

[leiascully]

Fic:  Baseball Metaphors (13/15?)

Part One  |  Part Two  |  Part Three |  Part Four |  Part Five |  Part Six |  Part Seven |  Part Eight |  Part Nine  |   Part Ten  |  Part Eleven  |  Part Twelve

Not exactly nsfw, but mostly just talking while nude.

He wakes up to an empty bed and the sound of running water.  

"Scully?" he says, lifting his head.  

Her voice drifts in.  "In here."

He gets up, dragging his boxers back on, and wanders into the bathroom.  The tub is half-full of frothy water.  Scully is bent over adjusting the taps, wrapped in a fluffy robe.  She tests the water with her hand and smiles at him.  "Take a bath with me," she says.

"Sure," he says.  "Uh, I would like to, uh, pee first."  It's embarrassing to admit for some reason, despite the fact that she knows he evacuates waste, and he's definitely had to do weirder things in her presence.  She gets up and motions to the bathroom.

"All yours," she says.

He pees.  It's not the first time he's used her bathroom, but it's the first time after they've had sex, genuine intercourse that not even an adventurous Catholic school student could rationalize away.  He's careful with his aim and he even lowers and wipes the seat after, just in case, and then washes his hands.  When he opens the door, she's coming back from the kitchen with two glasses of ice water.  She hands one to him.

"Thanks," he says.  He is thirsty.  He takes a long swig while she fiddles with the taps and finally turns the water off.  She sips at her water and sets the glass on the sink before dropping her robe in one smooth movement.  She stands in front of him, unselfconscious, and there's nothing he can do but shed his boxers.  She's so reserved that sometimes he forgets that she's relatively practical about her body.  He assumes that has something to do with the years she's spent studying anatomy.  He takes another swallow of water and sets his glass on the other side of the sink.

"Shall we?" he says.  

She smiles and climbs carefully into the tub, tucking herself forward against the front.  He clambers in behind her and brackets her with his legs.  She leans back and the bubbles pop between his chest and her shoulders.  He lets his arms slip around her.  He doesn't know where the limits are anymore.  He'd rather be tentative than run up against some invisible boundary.  But they're naked together and in the bath with the smell of lavender rising up around them, so the rules have obviously changed.

"Mulder," she says, as if it isn't just the two of them, always.

"Hmm."  He lets his arm rub gently against her breasts and she sighs happily.

"Do you really want to marry me?"

He blows out a breath.  He can feel it deflecting off her shoulder.  "You don't mince words, do you, Scully?"

"It's expedient to get to the heart of things," she says, shaping the bubbles idly between her palms.

"Begin with a Y-incision," he says.  

"And yet you're still evading my question," she says.  

"The man I was pretending to be definitely wants to marry the woman you were pretending to be," he says thoughtfully.  

"Fair enough," she says.  "I hope the man I was in bed with wasn't pretending anything, because he stuck to the same story."

"It would be convenient in some ways," he hedges.  "I'm tired of arguing with hospital staff who won't let me see you."

"Mulder," she says firmly.  

He takes a deep breath and presses his lips to her hair.  "Yes," he says finally.  "I want to marry you."

"Why?" she asks.  "Aside from the convenience."  

"Because I fucking love you," he says.  He's frustrated and embarrassed and overwhelmed and lovelorn.  He never imagined confessing to the back of her head while they were both naked.  He feels soft around the edges, and it isn't pruning from the bathwater.   "I don't even know how long it's been.  I realized, when you were taken, but I don't know when it started.  This whole pretending-to-date thing was imaginary and then it wasn't.  Maybe it never was, for me."

"And so you proposed?" she asks.  

"I know how much this has worn on you," he says.  "I just wanted you to have a moment where you might feel like your life was falling into place, even if you thought it was pretend."

"That was kind of you," she says after a pause.  "Or at least intended well."

"You know what they say about good intentions," he says.  "But I know it's been tough on you, trying to be friends with them.  I recognize that."

"It isn't tough on you?" she asks.

"I haven't had a dream like that in a while," he says.  "The house, the family.  It didn't seem to be something I could aspire to.  So no, it wasn't hard for me.  I didn't have to pretend that I wanted to be your boyfriend.  Every week was like a glimpse of something I never imagined I could have, but I never wanted what they had."

"I see," she says.  He doesn't need to see her face to know she's wearing that serious expression, the one that refines the concept of gravitas, or maybe gravity.  

"Sorry," he says.

The water sloshes as she moves.  "Sorry for what, Mulder?"

"I don't know," he says.  "It seems unfair, that I was living out this scenario that I was invested in to a different degree than you were.  It seems like false pretenses.  You didn't really have a chance to agree to play along."

"Have you ever known me to play along when I didn't want to?" Scully asks.

He considers it.  "No."  

She snorts.  "Aren't you a profiler?"

"I play one on tv," he jokes.  

She turns, the water washing back and forth between them, and braces her hands on his thighs as she kneels on the floor of the tub.  "So," she says.  "Profile me."

"You saw your ex and panicked," he says, unable to keep himself from gazing at her.  Her skin is slick and flushed and daubed with bubbles.  "I provided a plausible cover story to alleviate your distress."

"Plausible why?" she asks.

"I'm a handsome guy," he teases.  "Not quite in your league, but it's a convincing enough match."

"And why is that, Agent Mulder?" she asks, her voice low and even.  

"Our intimacy is apparent even to strangers," he theorizes.  "Society doesn't have many models of platonic heterosexual friendship, and here I could but won't quote When Harry Met Sally.  Hence the tendency to mistake us for a couple, even a married couple."  

"And from where does that intimacy derive?" she asks.

"Whence does the principle of life proceed?" he quotes, striving for whimsy.  "We have a history.  We've shared a number of remarkable experiences, even traumatic ones.  It's made us close.  I'd hazard even closer than most partners in law enforcement.  I certainly didn't make out with Jerry or Reggie.  Or even Krycek."

"And?" she says, leaning closer.  

"And what?" he asks, extremely distracted by her approaching cleavage.

"You said yourself most partners aren't this close," she says.  "Despite their own remarkable experiences.  Why are you and I believable as a couple when other partners weren't?"

He shunts away any thought of Diana.  "I guess I'm not the profiler I thought I was.  What am I missing, Doctor Scully?"

She laughs, but it catches in her throat.  "What are you missing?"

He shrugs.  The bubbles rock on the surface of the water.  "Maybe our inside jokes give it that hint of verisimilitude.  I don't know.  I've nev...I'm not married. "

"I'm in love with you, you idiot," she says quietly.  

"What?" he says.

"I'm in love with you," she repeats.  

"Uh," he says.  

"That's not exactly the response I expected," she says, leaning away from him.  He reaches out for her.

"This is not the turn I expected my day to take," he says quickly.  "We're naked in the tub together and you're saying things I only imagined when I was drugged out of my mind, Scully.  I just need a second to process.  And maybe you should pinch me."

"I'm not going to pinch you," she says.  "Why did you hesitate when you said you weren't married?"

He sighs.  "I was engaged once.  To one of my other former partners.  Diana.  She didn't leave me at the altar, exactly, but she did take an international assignment between the engagement and the wedding.  In the year between losing her and meeting you, I threw myself into my work.  Spooky Mulder, all alone down in the basement."

He can see the pain in her eyes, the urge to retreat into herself, to swathe herself in terrycloth and detachment.  "No wonder you tried to keep me at arm's length."

"Didn't work," he says.  He catches at her fingers.  "Hey.  Scully."

"Sometimes I forget I don't know everything about you," she murmurs, not meeting his eyes.  

He kisses her damp palm.  "Now you know everything about me," he promises.  

"I didn't know you were in love with me," she says.

"I didn't know you were in love with me," he says, "so that's fair.  You talked such a good game about how much our friendship meant to you."

"It did," she says.  "It does."  She sighs.  "There was a moment in the restaurant where I was completely thrilled.  Even when I remembered that it was pretend, I loved you for doing that for me.  But it's hard to know that it wasn't the first time you'd asked someone."  

"If it helps, I didn't get down on one knee in public," he says.  "I barely proposed at all.  It was more of an agreement."

"But you gave her this ring," she says, looking at it.  

He nods.  "It didn't fit her.  Must have been a metaphor.  I got it sized for you."

She flexes her fingers.  "You knew my ring size."

"I like to think I know most things about you," he offers, "but I also believe your enigmatic nature is part of your charm."

She looks squarely at him.  "What are we going to do?"

"I thought we were going to finish our bath," he says.  "Maybe get all sweaty again almost immediately.  Decide where we wanted to have our haunted honeymoon."

"Planning the honeymoon before the wedding?" she says.  "Sounds like something there should be a superstition about."

"We don't have to," he says.  "We don't have to do any of it.  If you want me to leave, we can start again from square one or square whatever, whenever you're ready.  If you're ready.  We don't have to deal with this today."

She purses her lips.  "'This' being the fact that I'm in love with you and you're in love with me and it's possible that we're engaged despite never having actually been in an relationship?"  

"'This' was shorter," he says.  

She sighs and turns back around, settling against his chest.  He loops his arms around her and rests his cheek against her head.  It's always strange to be at odds with Scully, when all he wants when he's upset is to seek comfort in her company.  

"We could still get married," he murmurs.  

"It might not be the easiest thing to explain to my mother," she says.

"I don't know about that," he says, remembering Maggie's gentleness during Scully's abduction.  "But we could elope."

"If we did, we wouldn't have to invite Ethan and Jenny," Scully muses.  "My mother might forgive me.  Bill's wedding was enough for all of us."

"Or we could pretend none of this ever happened," he offers.  

"Are you going to walk up to me in a bar?" she teases.  "Introduce yourself, try to get a date."

"I told you, I'm not in your league."  He kisses the side of her head.  "We could stay in this bath forever."

"The water would get cold," she counters.  

"Then I guess we can mark that off the list of options," he says.  "What's left?"

"I think that covers it," she says.  "Either move forward or pretend we can go back to the beginning."

"Be kind, rewind," he quips.  "We've had a lot of practice playing pretend at this point."

"I'm not sure acting is my forte," she murmurs.  

"Once more into the breach," he offers.  

"That's a hell of a way to proposition a lady," she jokes.  She turns in his arms again, tipping her face up to his.  Her body is warm and slippery against his.  He shifts his arms to steady her.  

"I'm not the world's foremost authority on seduction," he says.  

"No," she agrees, "but you've got a certain appeal."  She stretches up to kiss him.  "As an empiricist, it seems to me that the only way to see if this will work is to try it."

"I've always admired your scientific rigor," he says.  

"And my breasts?" she teases.

"Those too," he agrees.

"Make me believe," she says, and kisses him.

[suburbantimewaster]

Here’s the first illustration I received for a fanfic, this one being Mind Games set in the universe of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and the origin of Candy Marino and Chris Patel, who can also be found in Return of the Greek Gods.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get the references right for Marino the first time but I did get them right for everyone else.  Anyway, this is drawn by s2ka from Deviantart.

Marino gave all of her attention to Shere Khan, feeling the vibration of his purrs.  All it took was one sneeze for him to get off.  She still had time before her next shift to make one call, even if it was one she dreaded.  Marino took a sip from her flask, enjoying the bubbly substance going down her throat, then finally entered her room on the right with another fan set up in the middle.  She set her personal computer on the desk and opened it.

"Computer, connect to T’Mara on Vulcan, Priority One connection, authorization Marino-Alpha-6359-Rose," Marino ordered, taking a seat.

It wasn't long until a caramel face female Vulcan with her raven hair tied in a long braid appeared on Marino's screen.

"Ensign Marino, I was expecting your call," T'Mara said, noticing the flask in Marino's hand with a disapproving gaze.

"Don't worry, it's just synthehol," Marino explained as she put it on her desk.

"Acceptable," T'Mara said with a nod.  "I suppose you have just finished making yourself at home on Deep Space Nine."

"Actually, I haven't even started," Marino admitted with a wave of her hand.  "I got caught up reading this manuscript left by the previous owner."

"What was the content of this manuscript?" T'Mara asked with clear intrigue.

"It was about looking into the mind of a Cardassian who loved torturing any Bajoran he could get his hands on," Marino explained with a smile and tone equivalent to a five-year-old girl who just tried on her first princess dress.  "Rebels, collaborators, civilians, you name it." Marino's smile faded and her tone grew more condescending.  "Though it does talk a bit too much about Cardassian superiority over other species.  Other than that, it was like reading something written by Ramsay Snow.  Only thing missing was the sigil of a flayed man."

"Considering the character of Ramsay Snow, I would imagine that Roose Bolton would be more likely to write such a tale," T'Mara told her.

"No, Roose Bolton wouldn't be stupid enough to flay a collaborator.  Remember what he told Ramsay?" Marino recalled and then adopted a serious stance.  "'If you acquire a reputation as a mad dog, you'll be treated as a mad dog.  Taken out back and slaughtered for pig feed.'"

"Logical," T'Mara acknowledged in a voice only a tiny bit away from being complete monotone.  "Speaking of Game of Thrones, when we last talked, you described being assigned to Deep Space Nine as 'being sent to The Wall without having to take a vow of celibacy and no Jon Snow to make it bearable.'  I am pleased to see that your opinion has changed."

"I'll say one thing," Marino said with a confident smile.  "You never would've found anything like that manuscript on the Prometheus."  Then she pointed to a suitcase with isolinear chips, one of them containing Game of Thrones.  "Plus, I made sure to bring that gorgeous bastard with me."

"Ah yes, your last posting," T'Mara acknowledged, completely ignoring Marino's last remark.  "I remember you compared the Prometheus to serving on a dollhouse in outer space."

"With everyone all sunshine and roses, you always knew who was good and who was bad and everyone went around talking about how we're so superior and have found the right way," Marino said, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

"To which you believe that there's no such thing as 'the right way,'" T'Mara said, raising her eyebrow at the last part.

"And anyone who believes that is deluding themselves," Marino said with a scoff.  "This is turning into less of a check up and more of a counseling session."

"Considering the nature of these 'check-ups,' a counseling session is inevitable," T'Mara informed Marino.  "Or are you forgetting about the incident that nearly resulted in your expulsion from Starfleet?"

"Trust me, I haven't forgotten," Marino said, taking a sip from her flask.  "It's the whole reason I got assigned to this shit bowl."

"From what you've told me, I can logically assume that the assignment is a good fit for you," T'Mara told her positively.

"Great, then the conversation's over," Marino said, about to cut the connection until T'Mara raised her hand.

"Unfortunately, you and I still have some issues to discuss," T'Mara told Marino in as harsh of a tone a Vulcan could muster.  "For instance, were there any temptations when you arrived on the station?"

"Just one," Marino said distastefully.  "When I walked into the station, I smelled booze.  I'm talking the smell of stardrifters, kanar, blood wine, Saurian brandy, and something that smelled like a citrusy wine.  Even if the smell of dust and grime mostly covered it up.  Not to mention the heat."

"Does the heat curb your cravings for alcohol?" T'Mara asked in a helpful manner.

"You'd think, but no," Marino said sardonically, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.  "Don't get me wrong, thanks to living on Vulcan for a few months, I've gotten used to three-digit degree weather.  It's Shere Khan who truly suffered."  Marino's voice filled with distress as she remembered her kitten's meows and his attempts to bathe himself with his tongue repeatedly.  "I had to set up fans all around my quarters to keep the poor little guy from overheating!"

"Considering Cardassian physiology and the average temperate of their home planet, this does not surprise me," T'Mara informed Marino.

"Then I hope Cardassian animals don't have fur, because that would be pure torture," Marino remarked bitterly.  "But we both know I didn't call you to talk about Shere Khan's suffering."

"Yes, I can sense that you are troubled by far more than your feline's suffering," T'Mara told her.  "Care to tell me what that would be?"

"I had a little run in with a blast from my past," Marino told her.

"I didn't think anyone from the Prometheus would be assigned to Deep Space Nine," T'Mara stated with confusion.

"Actually, this one isn't from the Prometheus," Marino informed her.  "He goes much further back."

* * *

Patel unpacked everything and then set his computer on the desk, seeing a message from the one member of his family he could count on.  It only took a few seconds for the face of a jet black haired young woman with a toffee complexion to appear on his screen.

"Hey, Chris," she said with a smile.  "By the time you view this, you're probably settling down in your new posting.  You know, the rundown Cardassian station you were dreading.  Well, I kind of envy you right now.  I'm still interning on Andoria," Cathy said, pouring herself a drink.  "Which makes New Jersey winters look like Gujarat."

Patel looked at the alcohol with a disapproving glance.

"I know, you don't like your baby sister drinking," Cathy said, rolling her eyes.  "But cut me some slack, I'm living on a giant ice cube."

Patel drew back with a jolt.  It was scary how well Cathy knew him.

"All right, the internship's not all bad.  I got to watch Redbats nesting in a cave!" Cathy said excitedly, putting her hands on her chest.  "Though one of them freaked out and nearly crawled through my brain."

Patel found himself peering at the top of Cathy's head, at least as much as he could see, for signs of scratches.

"Thankfully, Areliv helped me get it out," Cathy said with a dreamy smile.  "He even offered to take me out to dinner."

And Cathy's got a new boyfriend, Patel thought with both pride and worry.  Though I don't think Mom and Dad will like their daughter dating an Andorian.

"I know what you're thinking and Areliv is not my boyfriend!" Cathy insisted, though her bright red face told another story.  "He's just a friend!  A very handsome and charming friend!"  She laughed.  "All right, I'm kind of hoping that it will turn into something more." Cathy smiled brightly.  "Who knows?  Maybe Areliv and I can double date with you and Ian."

Patel's face fell.

"Anyway, I've got to go.  I'm meeting my boss in a few minutes," Cathy told him.  "Try to make the best of your assignment and, remember, our summers on Gujarat prepared you for Cardassian heat, even if it made Andorian cold almost intolerable."

Cathy closed the connection, leaving Patel staring at a black screen.

* * *

"His name's Chris Patel," Marino answered.

"Ah, yes," T'Mara said with a nod of her head.  "The childhood friend who you separated from in high school."

"We both fell into different crowds," Marino explained bitterly.  "He belonged to the hotshot squad and I belonged to the social outcasts."

"I recall you saying this during your time at the monastery," T'Mara noted.  "However, I do not recall you ever telling me that Chris did anything to personally attack you."

"Oh, he didn't," Marino stated, hoping she wouldn't have to clarify.

"Then I fail to see the problem," T'Mara said, shrugging her eyebrows.

"The problem is that I'm trying to make a new life for myself and I don't need some childhood friend telling everyone about the 'sweet little girl' I used to be," Marino said crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

"Again, I fail to see how a childhood friend would cause you personal strife at your new duty position," T'Mara told her.

It was at that moment Shere Khan chose to jump on the desk.

"Is that the transient feline you found outside the monastary?" T'Mara asked, her brown eyes following Shere Khan.  "The one you retrieved the fans for?"

"You mean the one who was abandoned on Vulcan?" Marino said, her eyes narrowing as she remembered seeing him panting on the hot desert of her former retreat.  "He didn't really have anyone else who could take him in."

"So, you chose to make him your pet," T'Mara recalled.

"What was I supposed to do?" Marino said defensively as she took Shere Khan off of her desk and held him in her arms.  "Help the poor kitty and then abandon him to the shelter?"

"You always did have a compassion for animals," T'Mara told her, raising an eyebrow.  "People are another matter."

"Yeah, animals rock, people suck," Marino said, setting Shere Khan down on the floor, meowing loudly as he rubbed against Marino's legs.  "Sorry, wittle boy, but your mama's in the middle of something."

T'Mara raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm one of those nutsos who treats their pets like their children," Marino said, folding her arms.  "Can we get back to the matter at hand?"

T'Mara raised her right eyebrow.

"Perhaps Mr. Patel will not divulge sensitive information without your approval," T'Mara told her helpfully.

"You might be right about that," Marino conceded hesitantly.  "But he might get defensive when people insult me."  She recalled his apology before contacting T'Mara.  "Plus, Chris would still have questions that I really don't want to answer."

And one of them will be answered when the CMO arrives with my medical file, Marino thought sardonically.  That'll be fun.

"I'm sure if Mr. Patel respects your privacy, then he will not force you to share information that you are uncomfortable divulging," T'Mara told her reassuringly.

"You've got a point there," Marino agreed with a reluctant nod.

"Is that all that concerns you?" T'Mara asked.

"Actually, there's one more thing..." Marino asked hesitantly, holding up her right index finger.

"Ensign Marino, Vulcans do not 'change their mind.'  You are still not permitted to imbibe any alcohol," T'Mara told her firmly.

"Wow, am I really that predictable?" Marino asked, her eyes widening.

"Yes." T'Mara answered in her usual matter of fact tone.

She has me there, she thought. When she spoke again, her voice was a little more relaxed.  "Though, you have to admit, it's going to be hard for me to 'curb my cravings' when I'm assigned to a place that smells like booze."

"Your argument is illogical since the synthehol and blitz should curb your cravings," T'Mara told her sympathetically.  "Additionally, consider the manuscript you found.  It may be logical to conclude that Deep Space Nine could give you the mental stimulation the Prometheus could not."

"Yeah, but even Deep Space Nine can't keep my brain entertained all the time," Marino concluded with her arms crossed and her head tilted to the side.  "So I might need a little pick-me-up on those slow days."

"As your sponsor, I must advise against that," T'Mara told her firmly.

"Fongool," Marino said angrily, putting her arms to her side.  "Chat with you more, but I need to unpack."

"Very well," T'Mara said with a nod.  "Remember to contact me if you feel any urges."

"Sure thing," Marino said as T'Mara held up her right hand in the traditional Vulcan greeting.

"Live long and prosper," T'Mara told her.

"I can try for the latter, but I'm not making any promises about the former," Marino told her honestly.

"Ensign Marino..." T'Mara told her in a slight warning tone.

"All right," Marino said, putting her hand up in the Vulcan salute.  "Peace and long life, Counselor."

Marino cut off the connection and looked around her quarters.  It seemed pretty standard with a desk, the typical Cardassian mattress, her bags near the door and silhouettes of paintings owned by their former occupier.  Like everyone else on the station, he left in a hurry.  She unzipped one of her bags and pulled out a few isolinear chips that contained recordings of all of her favorite songs, some of them having their own playlists.  She used her personal console and installed them all in her quarters, instructing the computer to play one at random.

"Journey," Marino exclaimed with a bright smile as the music started playing.  "Awesome!"  Emptying the contents from the rest of her luggage, she lazily threw them in the correct places in her quarters, singing along to "Don't Stop Believing," relishing in the antiquated style.

* * *

Patel turned on the connection, ready to record his outgoing message.

"Hey, Cathy," he greeted.  "Really liked hearing your message and glad to hear you're doing well, in spite of the freezing cold.  Though I might have to check this Areliv out to see if he's good enough for my sister."  He smiled to let Cathy know that he wasn't serious.  Well, not entirely.  "Things on Deep Space Nine aren't too bad and trust me when I say the heat's the least of my worries."

The doctor's smile disappeared.  "The whole place looks like a shipwrecked ghost town and knowing the history of this station doesn't help.  Let me put it this way, Candy found a manuscript of the Gul who used to live here and, by the way she talked about him, things didn't sound pleasant."  Patel's smile returned, imagining the look on Cathy's face.  "Yeah, you heard that right, Candy's my roommate.  Though, she's a little different from how we remember.  As for how, let's just say that she finally got that backbone you always said she needed to grow."

Patel's face fell.  "Also, there's something I need to tell you.  Ian and I broke up.  I know you liked him and you're sad to see him go, but it's better this way.  Our careers were taking us in different directions and we both felt that it would be better to, in archaic terms, rip the band aid off rather than leave it on until it naturally falls.  Anyway, I have to go.  Plenty of unpacking to do and I need to get the Infirmary set up for when the CMO arrives."

He closed the connection and unzipped one of his bags.  He meticulously placed everything where they belonged and realized he could hear Marino's music from across his quarters.  He had to admit that the ensign had a beautiful singing voice, but he had a hunch that he'd be listening to it way more often than he wanted to.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      * * *

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[chimmy-joos]

The Proposal part 4 |M|

Description: You’re tired of being alone for years without a boyfriend so you propose a deal to Jimin. Little did you know your little affair will unfold to be more than secret kisses at night.

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 12.8K

Tags: Fluff, Smut, Angst yes in that order, oral sex, rough sex

Part 1 2 3

A/N: sorry this took so long I had so much trouble writing this chapter but here it is in its damaged glory :) Enjoy feel free to put a a few words in

"Alright, your assignment is due on the 25th of next month and I expect both a written essay and visual presentation. You'll have time in class to work on it during class, but you also have time outside of class so be sure to occupy that time wisely." The words of your professor went in one ear and out the other as you looked down at your end of the year project in front of you. You were fine with everything because a couple of days of slaving over this project would be fine and you would end it with a nice long bubble bath... if only it wasn't a partner project. And to make matters even worse, your partner just had to be the one man that twisted your entire being into a helix of emotions.

Speaking of the devil, he slid into the seat next to you and your heart jumped in almost a instinctual manner. Your body was just so used to being flustered around him.

"Are you ready for this project?" Namjoon hissed the sarcastic question with a forced smile. Today he was wearing a white, short-sleeved printed dress shirt with tropical flowers all over it and he brought the vibrant shirt together with ripped denim jeans. Typical Namjoon fashion that seemed both thrown together spontaneously and planned out meticulously at the same time.

You sighed deeply and smiled back at him. "Of course I am! I'm so ready for writing a fifteen-page essay on..." you said and looked back on your paper. "The environmental benefits of biotechnology and energy?" You grimaced causing Namjoon to chuckle; eyes curling and dimples prominent as always.

"Well, we're going to be working together so technically you're writing seven and a half pages." He winked. You nodded, taking note of your steady heartbeat. You didn't want to admit the fact the you were losing feelings for Namjoon because he was a good person. An extremely nice and thoughtful person with a girlfriend, you reminded yourself. Now that your feelings for Namjoon were nearly gone, you were able to hold a proper conversation with him. When did you start to lose feelings for Namjoon in the first place? Oh, perhaps when Jimin entered your life and turned it upside down completely.

You walked out of class and took the opportunity to walk outside and enjoy the warm sun. You took the long way back to your apartment with small struts. Summer was approaching and after getting through all of your end of the year assignments and projects, you could finally spend your free time going to parties and hanging out with friends.

Who were you kidding? You'd be spending your time at home and when you weren't at home, working your ass off. Of course your friends invited you out to clubs and parties, but you could never muster up the motivation to go. It didn't sound very appealing to be surrounded by sweaty, horny people that just wanted to get your panties off. But on the other hand, it didn't seem so bad considering you were desperate enough for ask Jimin to have sex with you so why should it matter if it was someone else?

Speaking of the devil, as you walked by the parking lot, you noticed a large group of people that surrounded a flock of cars lined up against the parking lot. They were nice cars and anybody could tell that there were adjustments made to excel at racing and drifting. Tinted and polished windshields, waxed body and shimmering wheels just to flaunt and show off to everyone in the parking lot.

However there was a single car in the midst of them all. A bit dirty compared to the other cars but that was only because the others were just so extravagant and over-the-top. The retro-like car was a baby blue color that was calming to the eyes and matched with the cloudless sky above. The people surrounding consisted of both male and female and it was obvious by the way the females flocked around certain boys that you knew owned the more lavish looking ones.

But there he was, sitting on the hood of his own car looking so uninterested in his surroundings. He was wearing a loose, black, short sleeved shirt that revealed his muscular arms. He wore ripped denim jeans with a lanyard hanging from the front pocket. He sat with a relaxed manner with his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. Around his wrists were tangles of bracelets and even a watch to add an extra bling to his outfit, keeping his tousled hair in place was a black beanie that also flattened his fringe on top of his eyelids. He listened intently to the conversation that was going on in front of him but he didn't engage. He smiled at the jokes and turned his head to the speaker, but never commented on anything. It was very much like him--to listen but to never say anything. To observe but never engage. You always wondered what was on his mind.

You heard your name being yelled from the group and you turned your head to the direction of the voice. Your eyes darted back from the group and to the boy you had been staring at whose eyes were now wide and focused on you. You turned back to the golden-skinned boy that called your name and his wide smile as he waved you over. You walked shyly, conscious of all of their eyes on you.

"Y/N, right?" Taehyung asked with a wide smile. You nodded. "Okay, I didn't want to get it wrong."

"You know her?" One of the girls asked in a high pitched squeak. You made eye contact with one of them and immediately looked away once you saw their stone eyes judging you.

"Yeah, I've met her before." Taehyung replied. You shifted side to side on your feet and suddenly you felt an arm around your shoulder. You were dragged backwards and you glanced back to see Jungkook smirking down at you.

"Well, I'll say this now, you look just as cute as when I first met you." He winked and you tried not to grimace at the cheesy line. You heard a soft snort and your eyes shot down to Jimin who was biting down on his bottom lip to hold back his laugh. He glanced up at you and made brief eye contact before looking away as his shoulders shook from his laugh.

"Perfect timing, Y/N. We were just talking about this party we're having this weekend. Wanna come?" Taehyung inquired and your brows raised upon hearing the cursed word.

"Oh... a party," you breathed. "You know, I'm not a party girl. I'm sure you'd find someone much more interesting to invite than me." You chuckled nervously, trying your best to turn down the invitation. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"Bull ponies! Just stick with us and you'll have fun! I'm positive!" He exclaimed.

"I think hanging around you is possibly the worst idea ever. You wouldn't want to end up blackout drunk with penises drawn all over your face and whipped cream all in your underwear, would you?" Another man, slightly shorter than both Jungkook and Taehyung spoke his two cents. He had black hair that was gently tousled over his eyes and a cute smile that jerked at his lips, generously flashing his pink gums. You paled at his words. "Not to say that you'll end up like that, but I'm just speaking from personal experience." The man glared at Taehyung who grinned sheepishly in response.

"Let's just say Taehyung isn't the best person to be around when you're drunk." Jungkook chimed in, his grip tightening around your neck.

Taehyung shrugged exaggeratedly, his broad shoulders curled and brows raised high. "What can I say? I like to have fun."

"Well, I will definitely think about it. If my schedule is free, you can bet that I'll be there." You grinned and promptly shook Jungkook's arm off from around your neck. As you were slowly receding away from the group, Jungkook spoke up.

"While you're here, why don't you just come to lunch with us?" He asked, a wide smile that expressed how hard he was trying. It was cute, in a case where you were the one being chased. You tilted your head in response.

"Lunch? Where at?"

"We have a tradition in our group of friends. Every week or so we assign someone to find a new place to eat or just some place to hang out in general. This week is Jimin's turn." Taehyung snickered and tapped his fingers together mischievously. You turned back to Jimin who was smirking back at Taehyung. "Can you do us all a favor and pick a place that doesn't serve live silk worms?"

"I'll redeem myself from last time. There's no way in hell I'm eating those—not even for a hundred bucks." Jimin replied and his body shuddered in disgust from possibly remembering the texture of the silk worms. You couldn't help but chuckle at the way his small nose scrunched up.

"What about a thousand?" You giggled.

"Not for my life, Y/N." Jimin narrowed his eyes at you in a playful manner. Then, he smiled with his eyes squeezing shut and a toothy smile and suddenly the two of you were plunging into your own world where it was only you two. Jimin seemed to have that effect about him.

"Well it was incredibly nice of you guys to invite me, but I'll think I'll pass on lunch. I'll try to make it to the party," you said and started backing away from the group with a smile. "Maybe." You grinned cheekily and turned away, finally allowing your grin to reach its fullest potential. As you were walking away, you heard your name get called again. You whipped around to see Jungkook jogging after you.

"Hey, what's up?" You asked. Jungkook reaches up and scratched the hair at the back of his neck nervously.

"So, you're not going to lunch?" He wanted to clarify. You shook your head.

"Unfortunately, no."

"Well, can I️ at least get your number? I️ would ask Jimin, but I️ figured it'd be much more gentlemanly to ask you in person. How about it?" He smiled innocently. You hadn't seen a smile like that from a guy in a long time. Now they were all... forced with a hint of sexual intent laced within the creases of their lips. Perhaps Jungkook was different than what he portrayed himself as.

"Yeah, of course! Sorry, I know I don't seem like someone who uses the inter-webs that much." You chuckled nervously while you took Jungkook's phone. He watched as you entered in your phone number.

"It's cute." He said. You flashed a glance at him before looking back down and shaking your head in disbelief. You handed the phone back to him.

"I'm flattered. Text me some time." You replied. Jungkook chewed on his bottom lip as he tapped his phone against his chin, not trying to hide his smirk at all.

"I will most definitely text you. Anticipate it." He winked before turned around and jetting back to the group. You shook your head while laughing at Jungkook's silliness. However, it came as unnoticed to you that Jimin was watching the entire exchange between you and Jungkook unfold right before his eyes. All he could do was stare and feel his lungs jump to his throat. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He had no say over what you did in life, so he couldn't simply walk over there and stop you from giving Jungkook your phone number. Your relationship with Jimin was physical, but there was no say that he couldn't fall for you. He just couldn't act on it; he couldn't tell you anything.

He was honestly just a replacement for Namjoon. He was there to provide you with the affection and attention that you wanted and couldn't get from Namjoon, and that was it. There was no room for feelings.

Jimin growled under his breath and jumped off the hood of his car. He slapped the metal hood, catching the attention of his peers.

"Come on, let's move! I don't want to miss their happy hour! It's free pies from 2 to 5!" Jimin yelled and slipped into the driver's seat, revving up the engine. It caused a chain reaction and everyone else let their engines roar loudly as they moved out of the parking lot and onto the streets.

Jungkook texted you that night, almost on the 9:00 dot as if he set an alarm to remind himself to do so. It's a simple greeting, just a hi, its Jungkook to introduce himself. You smile as you read it and again you're thinking of how innocent he is, or how he's portraying himself to be at this moment.

You reply with a hi Jungkook :) what's on the agenda tonight? You were never amazing at starting a conversation or better yet holding one, but you owe Jimin for shedding away the layers of anxiety and exposing you to so many things. You're not afraid to do things anymore because you've already done them with Jimin.

Jungkook [9:02]: currently slaving over this project. And here I thought education was optional

You laughed out loud while reading his response.

You [9:02]: youre the one who paid for college

Jungkook [9:03]: ugh dont remind me

He replied with a string of groaning emojis afterwards. You were relieved to see that Jungkook didn't show a single hint of ulterior motives, if he had any at all. The next thing you knew, you were up until 12 in the morning texting Jungkook about who knows what. Come to think of it, this is the first guy you’ve texted since your ventures with Jimin. Has having sex with Jimin been paying off? Maybe, hopefully, now, you looked like a different woman in the eyes of others.

It's amazing how your life could align so perfectly with the universe, as if it's leading you in the right direction. On the night of the party, you found out you had to work. A simple six hour shift just to help out in case they were busy, but for some mystically, odd reason, they let you take the night off. Now look where that got you. Sitting in your apartment debating on which dress you should wear to the party.

It was a stand off between a classy navy blue, sequined dress with an exposed back or a tight fitting red dress with lattice spaghetti straps on the back. You wished your roommate was there to make the decision for you because she had such a greater understanding of fashion than you and could plan her outfits like a model. Now, you had to resort to mumbling eeny-meeny-miny-mo under your breath and finally deciding on the beautiful red ensemble.

You showed up to the frat house that was already booming with music and bustling with drunk college students. You stepped out of your cab, warm, summer heat brushed against your neck and you had an unsettling feeling in your stomach that this heat would not be good for you later on in the night. It was just a hunch, but it made you want to slip back into the cab car and retreat home. You would've done so if you hadn't seen Taehyung and another young man—both completely shirtless—swinging from side-to-side while laughing wildly, their outfit complete with a beer bottle in both of their hands. Your hands went up to gasp along with most of the bystanders onlooking this bizarre scene. You quickly covered your face in embarrassment and rushed towards the house to escape the scene.

The humidity of the inside of the house was absolutely horrid and you should've known from the sea of people in the downstairs living room. You blew out an exhausted breath and headed towards the kitchen to grab a drink. It was to your complete inattention that as you stormed around the house, plenty of eyes were following you and the way you filled out the dress to a T. You were too busy focused on drowning your stomach with alcohol that you didn't seem to notice.

You snatched an unopened bottle of beer as you peered over the sea of people to find at least one person you knew well enough to talk to. Joy might've been here, but she didn't say anything about attending so she was out of the question. Namjoon was most likely with his girlfriend, not like you cared all that much anymore. Jimin... Jimin must've been with his car clique and they were most likely outside talking about each other's cars or inside doing keg stands.

As a last resort, you reached for your phone to call up Jimin and see where he was. You felt bad for following him around like his shadow, but he was the only one that you felt comfortable around.

"Hello?" Jimin answered quite loudly. You could hear bumping music behind his voice as well as the drunk screams of other people. He was here.

"Hey, where are you?" You asked in the same loud voice to make sure he heard you correctly.

"I'm downstairs, hold on let me go to you. Stay on the phone." He said and you could hear the cries of the voices die out as Jimin escaped the scene. You wondered why your heart was beating at that moment, knowing that you would soon be with Jimin. You bit your lip in an attempt to keep your excitement to a minimum.

Then, you felt someone press against your back. You gasped when you felt hands slither up your side and you went down to slap it away, but the person caught it.

Hey," the soothing voice whispered into the shell of your ear and the same voice reverberated in your ears You felt your shoulders drop in relief, but the man still gripped your wrist tightly. "It's just me."

You didn't even have to hear his name. You were able to tell who it was by just his voice. Just his voice... and the way his rough jeans rubbed against the underside of your dress. You shuddered and your eyes fluttered close.

"Jimin..." you warned. You could still feel his breath close to his ear and even when he was behind you, you could smell his strong cologne and shampoo that penetrated your nose and sent chills down your back. You arched your spine against Jimin and rubbed your ass against Jimin's crotch. His hand left your wrist and trailed from your neck ever so slowly down to your lower back. Jimin's hand rest on top of your ass as if he was teasing you. You just wanted him to cup your ass and squeeze your breasts and even scratch up your back and slap your ass until it was burning red and suck on your neck until you were bruised up. But here wasn't the place. Not with so many people around.

Jimin pulled his hand away when he heard a loud laugh pass by him. He turned away, but not after squeezing your hip. This was how it was supposed to be: to act like strangers in public but in private, behind closed curtains and slow, rocking music, the two of you were lovers.

Scratch that. You could picture yourself with him. You pictured driving all night long trying to find new places to watch the sun rise or set depending on when you departed. You pictured sleeping next to him at night, all snug closely with his arm around your waist and his hand raking through your hair. You imagined laying on his chest while he watched tv and falling asleep to his steady, rhythmic breathing. You imagined spending time in the kitchen together, both of you trying to decipher a recipe because neither of you were great at cooking but it was an experience you wanted to go through with him. You imagined coming home from work tired and grumpy and him calming you down with a nice cup of tea and a session of venting and just listening to your rants. You imagined going on endless dates, spontaneously, because you had grown accustomed to sudden adventures since being with him. To ride the Ferris wheel together but you would be clinging to the pole or his arm because you couldn't bear to look down. And Jimin being the jokester that he was would shake the cart and you would scold him, but he would just laugh it off and pull you closer. You wanted to try new foods with him, and to find new places, and to do new things. You wanted Jimin to change you and little did you know that he had already done so long when you two first met.

But it was unrealistic, so to speak. Jimin lived in a different world than you, associated with people you could never picture yourself relating to, with their fancy cars and unfamiliar jargon. Surrounded by women all the time, but he agreed to satisfy you and your selfishness. You never knew why he agreed—perhaps he was just bored(the thought made your heart ache so you rarely thought on it) or maybe, just maybe... he felt something towards you. But that was unrealistic as well. And you couldn't seem to see it as true. Because you were you, and he was he, and the two of you would've never crossed paths in any other universe.

You realized you were standing frozen in the middle of the kitchen as Jimin hovered his hand over your shoulder like a gentleman with a worried look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah! Yes, I'm fine," you blushed harder the longer you kept rambling. "Sorry, I kind of zoned out there, didn't I?"

Jimin's eyes darted to your hip where his devious little hands were just placed at. He raised a brow. "I didn't expect you to get that aroused." He said and giggled as you pulled back a punch on him while muttering a shut up. "What were you thinking about?"

Your brain ran through a list of a million things to say before landing on, "I was trying to remember how to breathe in this dress." You mentally slapped yourself. Really? You couldn't have said something like I was trying to find a way home or I wish you didn't stop your hands.

Jimin scanned your body once more, his eyes catching every square inch of skin exposed underneath that beautiful dress. He clenched his jaw in order for it not to fall to the ground. "It looks great, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Thanks," you smiled sheepishly and noticed the beer bottle in Jimin's hand. "No D.D. tonight?"

He chuckled. "Hey, I want to have fun too," he said and took a swig. "Speaking of fun, come downstairs with me. They're playing beer pong and Yoongi's team is murdering the other guys." He said and before taking your hand and dragging you back to where Jimin emerged from. He led you to the basement, which wasn't creepy at all and in fact was decked out in colorful Christmas lights and posters and sports banners that covered the walls. In the middle of the basement was a long, white table that Jimin's friends laid out and decorated with red solo cups and small shots that lined the edge of the table.

"How cute," you laughed as Jimin handed you a shot off that he poured off to the side. You bottomed out, hissing as you felt the burning alcohol slide down your throat.

"Alright! Y/N is ready to par-tay!" Taehyung appeared out of no where to exclaim. His shirt was bundled up around his neck leaving his chest and stomach bare and his snapback was tilted on his head, only emphasizing on how completely wasted he was. You laughed at his ridiculous appearance while Jimin face-palmed himself.

"You have no idea how long it took for us to get him off the balcony. This man is drinking away his problems tonight." Jimin laughed and watched as Taehyung started chugging his bottle of beer. You winced at how much alcohol was in his system right now.

"I hope he'll be alright." You worried with a frown. Jimin waved off your worries with a flutter of his hands.

"Don't worry about him. What's amazing is that he'll be up in the morning like none of it even happened," he laughed and gestured towards the L-shaped couch, settled just underneath the neat arrangement of sports banners. "Come sit with me." He said and you followed him to the couch, fixing your dress by pulling it down before sitting down.

"You know, I don't know how you can wear dresses like that. It looks great, but incredibly uncomfortable." Jimin's face contorted in discomfort just imagining squeezing his body in a dress like that.

"Oh please, you can't talk about my dress when you're the one wearing those super tight jeans. Let your balls breathe." You giggled and smoothed your hand over Jimin's exposed knee through his ripped jeans. He reached for your hand and pulled it so you were resting it on his thigh as he flexed it. You gasped at his sudden movement and then felt his breath fan against your neck. You couldn't imagine what the two of you looked like right now—both of your hands placed right on his muscular thigh and his face buried in your neck.

"You know it looks good." He whispered and pulled away, taking the warmth of his hand wrapped around yours along with it. Jimin leaned back against the couch with a smug smirk on his lips which he rolled the rim of his beer bottle along his thick lips just to emphasis his kittenish intentions. You narrowed your eyes at him through your blush.

"You're a little devil." You sneer.

"I know," he laughed. "I hope you've warmed up. I signed us up next for beer pong."

"What? Jimin, I can't! I'm terrible at beer pong." You exclaim, but he only shrugs cheekily.

"Well then, I guess we'll have to find a way to drink all these shots." He grinned at you, his mouth stretching into his rosy cheeks.

Before you can mentally prepare yourself, Jimin and you are standing across from Jungkook and the man which everyone seemed to be talking about but you can finally put a name to his face, Yoongi. The same blacked haired man that spoke to you earlier that week.

"Really, Jimin? Bringing a rookie to battle against the dynamic duo, YoonKook?" Jungkook tossed the ping pong ball into the air and caught it smoothly. Both Yoongi and Jungkook leaned back into each other while throwing up a pose and you couldn't help but burst out in laughter.

"If you're YoonKook, then we're..." Jimin glanced at you and you stared back at him as he pondered. "We'll be Bonnie and Clyde." He said, smiling back at the duo across the table from him.

"Boo, unoriginal." Yoongi called out from the other side. Jimin glared at him and you felt the warmth of his hand against your back. You nearly jumped at the sensation, but managed not to look so startled.

"Say whatever you want. You guys are so going to eat shit." Jimin sneered and raised the ping pong ball in his as Jungkook rose his. The two tossed the balls at the same time; Jungkook's slid in perfectly into one of the cups on the side and Jimin's bounced off the one right at the end. Jungkook whooped out loud and fist pumped Yoongi while Jimin cursed under his breath. He reached for two shot glasses that were lined up on the edge of the table and handed one to you, giving you an apologetic look.

"I'm still warming up." He clinked his shot glass against yours and you bottomed the drink while glaring at him.

"Maybe having you as a partner was a bad idea." You said through a hiss. Jimin managed a bright smile through his scrunched up nose.

"If I go down, I'm taking you with me. No if, ands, or buts. You're coming with me."

The game continued on and surprisingly, you were carrying the team. There was a few mistakes and blunders here and there where you didn't take a major penalty, but so far you've evaded clearing the table of shots. Jungkook and Yoongi were both impressed at your beginner's luck, but nothing beats how hilarious Jimin looks making laps the basement, whooping loudly every time you make it into a cup.

"Oh my god, Y/N, you're going to make me go into cardiac arrest." Jimin places a hand on his chest as he watches Jungkook aim at your cups. Jungkook only had a cup to make while you had two. It wasn't much besides the fact that there were stakes at the table. If you made the two cups and Jungkook didn't make his, he and Yoongi would have to drink the remaining shots. The same applied to you and Jimin if you didn't make this shot.

"Why did you make that bet?" You groan in agony. Jimin's hands went up in a surrendering pose.

"I only brought up the idea!" He snapped back. You don't reply because you're too focused on Jungkook and how he positions his hand to dunk the ball right into the cup. There's a pause and Jungkook flicks his wrist. It seems everyone's eyes are following the ping pong ball as it flies straight towards the cup. You inhale sharply, already envisioning yourself pouring back all those shots down your throat and being completely gone for the rest of the night.

There's a loud pink! as the ping pong ball bounces off the front rim of the cup. Jungkook grunts in frustration and clenches his fists as he whips his body away from the table and curses. You exhale quickly as relief crashes into you. Now your anxiety levels were at its peak and you knew you had to make this.

"Deep breaths, Y/N. You can do this." Jimin coached from beside you. You nod, twirling the ping pong ball in your fingers. It's just a matter of getting the right trajectory and angle, but even that seems impossible under the eyes of so many watching you. You just want to say, fuck it, and toss the ball randomly, but at the same time the desire to win is much too strong.

You hold your breath as you throw the ball and all eyes follow it like a tennis match. It bounces off the rim of the cup in the back and your eyes bulge so wide they feel like they're going to pop right out of their sockets. Then, as if the universe decided to grant you a special miracle, the ball bounced right into the second cup. There's a split second of silence where everyone comprehends what just happened and then the entire basement loses their shit.

You're still frozen in shock as Jimin slithers his arms around your waist and hoists you into the air, twirling you around while cheering drunkenly. Realization settles in slowly and the same time a grin stretches across your cheeks.

"Did that really happen?" You ask, your body still tingling from the adrenaline rush. Jimin still held you in the air, gripping your hips so you wouldn't slip down.

"Holy shit, you're amazing! I can't believe you just did that!" He exclaims before finally setting your feet on the floor. You turn to Jungkook and Yoongi who gloom over the table as they pick up a shot glass in each hand; Yoongi gave Jungkook a murderous glare before dumping the shots down his throat. Jungkook does the same and they both hiss simultaneously, looking around for some sort of chaser. You felt bad for laughing when Jungkook rushes to the nearest trash can to vomit.

You lost track of time while hanging out with Jungkook, not Jimin. He was too busy fighting with this man named Seokjin over what song to play. Jungkook sat with you in the couch, his body turned to you as he went off about getting new turbos for his FRS. Whenever you gave him a confused look with knit brows and uneasy smile, he would pause his rambling and explain to you what he was talking about.

"So, you're into cars. You seem super passionate about it." You said after he was finished. Jungkook shrugged his shoulders and circled the rim of his water bottle (he was done with alcohol for the night) over his bottom lip.

"I wasn't at first. I just liked how cars looked and then I started pimping out my own car."

"Seems like a lot of work."

"Yeah, you could say that. I wouldn't consider it work since I love it so much," he said and glanced sideways at you. "I would love to take you on a ride sometime."

You purse your lips and laugh. "We can talk about that when you're sober."

"I will be! Tomorrow, for sure. In fact, let's make it a group activity! I'll call up the guys and we can drive out to the sand dunes or something. Have you been to the sand dunes?" Jungkook said. You shook your head, a silly smile was on your lips as you listened to his passionate rant. "You haven't? You have to! Oh yes! This is gonna be so cool!" He exclaimed and stood up, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"Hey guys!" He shouted over the music. Everyone's heads turned to him. "Sand dunes tomorrow, 7 o'clock!" He said and everyone yelled back a yeah! in response or didn't respond at all and went back to their prior activities. Jungkook sat back down with a satisfied smile. "They know."

"I'll be looking forward to seeing those sand dunes since you're regarding them so highly. This will affect your grade greatly." You marrow your eyes at him playfully. Jungkook takes a breath and bites his lip to restrain himself. There's a giddy tingling in his chest as he sits with you. Talking with you. You're like, and he quotes from a book he once read, a breath of fresh air. You were definitely fresher than the scent of burning asphalt that he was so used to.

"I'll be upfront with you, I never expected you to be this easy to talk to." Jungkook said, leaning back on the couch and draping his arm over the back so he could be a bit closer to you. He flashed a loose smile. "I'm glad we can finally talk."

"Likewise. I'm glad you asked me for my number." You replied with a warm smile.

This was it. This was his chance.

"So," Jungkook cleared his throat and leaned in. "Are you free later on tonight? We could totally catch a cab and—"

Before Jungkook could finish, your head turned at the sound of your name being called. Jimin starts walking towards you, his face unreadable but his broad steps told you a whole bunch. He stopped in front of you, toes nearly touching yours.

Jimin glances between you and Jungkook, his gaze hardening on Jungkook just a bit longer before returning his eyes to you. "Hey, are you busy right now?"

"Um..." you glanced between Jungkook and Jimin with wide eyes and your mouth stammered to say something. "N-No, we were just—" you said when Jimin intervened with a way too flashy smile.

"Great! Do you want to take a walk with me? A walk sounds great right now." He reached for our hand and pulled you off of the couch. His eyes scanned your body in the red dress once again and he frowned. "You can wear my jacket. Let's go." He said and didn't look back at Jungkook as he headed towards the stairs. You on the other hand, the one with the bigger heart, turned back to Jungkook and creased your brows in a silent apology.

Jungkook waved you off with a sideways smile, not even having the heart to go after you. Not because you weren't worth it, but because you were and Jungkook was so envious that you were head over heels in love with Jimin. Anybody could tell by the way you looked at Jimin the entire night, how you spoke to him compared to when you speak to Jimin—all smiles and light giggles. It's how quickly you intertwine your hands into his as if it was a mold fit just for you. Although Jimin shared the same interest in cars as Jungkook did, the way you listen to Jimin talk about cars is different with him. Jungkook knew that he could never be that guy for you.

Jimin shouldered his way to the front door and his hand clenched yours as if he's afraid you were going to fly away. Before exiting the house, Jimin turned around and slipped his jacket off of his shoulders before throwing it over your back. He didn't even take one glance at you as his face was stone cold—an expression that you deducted only appeared when he was irritated about something. The last time you had seen it was when he found out someone hit the bumper of his car and didn't find out who it was. Jimin's silent rage sent chills down your body and you sometimes couldn't find yourself breathing.

"Jimin?" You called out in a hushed voice as he walked you further away from the noise of the party. He didn't turn around and his iron grip around your hand didn't get lighter either. You pressed your lips together. "Jimin, my feet hurt."

At that, Jimin stopped in his tracks and turned around with wide eyes, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. He let go of your hand and immediately got onto his knees.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize." He stammered back an apology and started to slip off your heels. You sighed in relief at your Jimin coming back to his senses. It was like his anger has dissipated and his gentle touch returned.

"You okay?" You asked after a few claps of silence. Jimin peered up at you and locked his soft eyes onto yours. He didn't reply, but there was the faintness of a smile on his lips. "What's on your mind?"

He huffed as he got back on his feet with your pumps in his hands. Jimin shook his head slowly. "Just... things." He answeeed vaguely, leaving you frowning deeply.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You asked and started walking barefooted on the street. Jimin watches you walking for a few seconds, eyes trained on your bare feet before he slipped off his shoes as well and started walking beside you, slowing his pace down to match yours.

"I don't think it's that important anymore," He smiled.

Why doesn't he ever talk about himself?

You just wish he could open up to you, like you have to him. You spilled all of your secrets and deepest emotions to Jimin and he can't even tell you what's on his mind. "How was your night? Did you have fun?"

Typical Jimin changing the subject with so much ease. You went along with him. "So much fun. Call me crazy, but I think of getting the hang of these so-called college parties." You giggle and Jimin laughs out loud.

"You think so? Don't underestimate them too much. You haven't seen the worst of it yet. Are you tired of walking? I can carry you if you want." He stops and bends down into a piggy-back position. You laugh and shake your head.

"No, no, I'm fine."

"You sure? You're not that heavy, I can carry you for a few more blocks."

You roll your eyes and pull his hand for him to stand up. You continue your usual pace, but now your hand is in his. "This," You said and swing your interlocked hands. "This is just fine."

A smile spreads across Jimin's mouth as he mouths an okay. The two of you are silent for a minute as you bathe in the warmth of each other's hands. There doesn't need to be a conversation or any sexual act to happen for you to feel connected with Jimin. Just him being in your thoughts, his presence is all you need and you realize just how much you love him. You steal a glance at Jimin and catch him looking ahead; the passing street lights illuminate his black hair in a yellow glow before blending back into the shadows.

You squeeze his hand to get his attention and he immediately looks over to you. "Hm?"

"Why don't you talk about yourself?" You really want to ask about what he was thinking about earlier, but with his stubbornness, you know the conversation won't get anywhere no matter how much you beg. Jimin laughs in disbelief and let's his shoulders sag.

"I'm not interesting enough."

"I think you're plenty interesting." You said.

"There's not much to say. Some things are better left unsaid."

"Like what?" You ask and Jimin glances at you. "Tell me, please." You say it like a statement rather than a question because you know Jimin is quick to dodge any request.

"Like..." he purses his lip in thought. "Like how douchebag-y Jungkook was being tonight. His face just looked very punchable." Jimin said and clenched his free hand into a fist. You laughed and threw your head back.

"Is that what was on your mind earlier? How badly you wanted to punch Jungkook?" Your loud cackle slowly turned into periodic giggles. "Well, since we're spilling secrets right now, I have a confession to make." You stated proudly, raising your chin to the star speckled night sky.

"Oh?" Jimin quirked a brow.

You took a deep breath. "I have officially lost feelings for Namjoon."

"Really?" Jimin sounded skeptical, so you nodded. "Are you sure?"

"I'm absolutely, 100%, positive that I no longer have feelings for Kim Namjoon." You restated. Jimin nodded in approval.

"Well, congratulations. I was wondering how long I had to listen to you crying all night over how much he doesn't deserve his girlfriend." Jimin snickered and you shoved his arm. "I'm kidding. I'm glad you've moved on. Namjoon is stupid for not noticing a girl like you."

"Yeah, but that's his job as a loyal boyfriend." You shrug and swing your arm once again. You glance at Jimin. "What else is on your mind?" You tried to take advantage of Jimin's vulnerable mind and get him to answer. Maybe in his tipsy state, he can open up. You wonder why he stays so silent about everything. He purses his lip in thought.

"One, you're surprisingly amazing at beer pong."

"Beginners luck." You humbly mutter under your breath.

"Two, I just wish Jungkook would try and warm up to you again. Gives me a reason to punch his face in." Jimin snarled and you squeezed his hand as if to scold him. He laughed off your cute threat and continued.

"Three..." Jimin slowed to a halt and you turned your body to face him. He held your hand with an outstretched arm and smoothed his thumb over your knuckles. His face was darkened by the shadow cast by a nearby tree, but you could make out him biting luscious lips. He looked like he wanted to say something—right on the tip of his tongue. You inhaled sharply. Say it. Please just say it.

"I think you look really beautiful in this dress." Jimin's eyes raise to lock in with yours. There's a moment of comfortable silence that settles in the space between you and Jimin. Only the sound of the summer wind rustling through the leaves is present; the booming bass of the party is long gone and now it's just you two. You wish you can stay like this forever. With Jimin, you're not afraid of anything. Not of the potential cars that could run you over as you stand in the middle of the street nor the fast beating of your heart that made you think you were having a heart attack.

"Thank you," it was all you could say. Jimin squeezed your hand and dropped his gaze. The breakage of eye contact nearly shattered your heart if Jimin hadn't squatted down and pulled you onto his back. You fell with a oof and quickly wrapped your arms around his neck. Jimin started sprinting down the road.

"Let's go find a taxi." He said running through the grid of houses to find the main road.

"What? Why?" You asked; the houses whizzed past you.

"I just had the really bad urge to kiss you but I know I won't be able to stop there." Jimin said without looking back at you. Your face flushed at his bluntness. You buried your face in Jimin's neck and tightened your arms around his neck. You hoped he found the main road quickly.

The only contact Jimin had with you during the taxi ride was holding your hand idly while stroking your knuckles. He looked outside the window, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he rolled his tongue inside his mouth.

It wasn't until you reached the elevator in your apartment when Jimin's lips and hands were all over you; nimble hands stroked your curves like Jimin was trying to feel your skin through the dress. He had you pinned against the elevator doors while his lips ravished yours, sucking out any amount of alcohol that was left on your tongue. He tasted like sweet beer and cinnamon gum. His cologne was strong and intoxicating and left your legs tingling as you tried to find stable ground. It seemed nearly impossible with Jimin fighting for every square inch of your skin.

"Fuck, can these doors open any slower?" He slammed his hand on the elevator door while leaning in to kiss you again; his front teeth knocked against yours but the clumsiness was the least of your worries. Then elevator doors finally opened and you and Jimin fell in. He pushed you up against the elevator walls and he continued to kiss you until the elevator doors closed. You realized that you had still to press the button to get to your floor.

"Jimin," You said and pulled away for a short moment to stumble for the elevator button. Jimin was peppering your neck with kisses and he was shamelessly pressing his erection against your thigh. You didn't point it out or pay any physical attention to it because teasing Jimin like this was kind of fun.

"Come on, come on," he muttered into your neck in an aggravated tone. You didn't know if he was talking about the elevator or you, but either way, Jimin took your face in his hands and pulled you in for a deeper kiss. Still buried underneath Jimin's weight as he pressed you against the elevator wall. His hands traveled from your face down to smooth his hands over your breasts before sliding down to cup your ass.

It happened in a split second, but the next thing you knew, your legs were wrapped around Jimin's waist as you were up against the wall.

Jimin's kisses were hot—so hot—like smooches of ember that danced throughout your body and mixed with the warmth of the alcohol inside of you. His lips moved to kiss the valley between your breasts. Jimin was shamelessly rubbing his crotch against the inside of your thigh. You peek through one eye and see the elevator doors open. Gosh, how long had they been open?

You gasped when you pulled away from Jimin and pressed your forehead against his. "We have to go Jimin, or else someone is gonna see us." You panted. Jimin chewed on his lower lip.

"Let them see, I wanna keep kissing you." Jimin growled and scraped his teeth along your collarbone up your neck before sucking on the soft skin just beneath your ear. You but back a moan and finally managed to push Jimin away from you. You narrowed your eyes at him.

"Wait until the bedroom." You demanded. Jimin's tongue lined his lower lip with his tongue as his lustfully dark eyes followed your ass as you walked out of the elevator and to your apartment.

"Yes ma'am." He smirked. You reached your apartment door and you were honestly surprised you even got the key into the lock with Jimin's demanding eyes burning holes into you. It just showed how much he wanted to get your clothes off of your body. You finally got the door open and as if on cue, Jimin swept in and placed his lips back onto yours, kissing and shuffling around the apartment to get to your room.

You reached your room and Jimin slammed the door shut before pushing you up against the door. You didn't have time to worry about the possibility of your roommate being home as you tore off Jimin's jacket, his shirt, his belt—every piece of clothing until he was just left in his boxers. you smoothed your hand over his toned biceps that held you up with so much security. It just felt right.

Jimin on the other hand, took his sweet time taking off your dress. One, he didn't want to rip the gorgeous gown and risk getting scolded by you and two, you just looked incredible in it and knowing you and your hatred of fancy dresses, this appearance would only show itself once in a blue moon. He wanted to savor every last second of you in that dress before taking it off.

The dress fell onto the floor in a pool of blood red and you were left in your bra and underwear. They weren't the cutest lingerie you owned, but then again you weren't expecting to go home with Jimin tonight either. If this was planned, you might've picked something cuter or even sexier to wear. You shadowed your hand over your cleavage and blushed.

"Stop staring." You whispered. Jimin laughed and took your hand in his, squeezing it softly.

"There's no way I can." He said and leaned in to kiss you, this time it was soft and gentle. The plumpness of his lips were like pillows that were now reddened and bruised from all the kissing. Slowly, Jimin walked you over to the bed before sitting down. You were standing in between Jimin's legs; his hands held your waist as Jimin kissed down your body. From your neck to your collarbone, down to cup your breasts and kiss right over your heart. If only he could feel how fast it was beating right now.

Jimin's trained hands moved up your spine and un-clipped your bra; the gentleness of his touch sent chills up and down your spine. You shuddered and dug your nails into his shoulders as your bra fell off your chest. Now, Jimin was seriously staring. His hooded eyes were wide as they took in the sight in front of him. Jimin's hand slowly rose to caress your perked nipple. You pressed your lips together and moaned. He planted a soft kiss on your breast before traveling down your stomach.

Jimin's hand that had un-clipped the bra was now lining the soft skin under your panties. He skillfully slipped two fingers—his ring and middle finger—under your warm slit and grazed over your clit. Your body jerked forward from the sudden sensation.

"Woah," you gasped. Jimin chuckled and pecked your cheek.

"Too much?"

You shook your head, letting your hair fall in front of your face. "Not enough. Give me more." You replied. Jimin licked the corners of his mouth and dipped his fingers deeper inside of you. The feeling of Jimin's fingers spreading you open was like a slow, pleasurable burn. Like he was kindling a fire deep within you. He started moving his fingers inside of you and a deeper moan left you.

"Mm, yeah. Right there, baby..." You whispered. Jimin bit back a smirk and complied to your request, rubbing the pads of his finger over your most sensitive spots. His fingers were the perfect length to hit your g-spot; you could've come from him just fingering you, but the devilish man would never be satisfied with just that.

Jimin slid his fingers all the way inside of you, stretching out your tight hole and you threw your head black and moaned aloud. You tightened around his digits. "Fuck baby, it's so good!"

"Yeah, you wanna come for me? Come all over my fingers baby." Jimin began thrusting his fingers in and out of your wet hole. He rubbed his thumb over the hood of your clit and pleasure shot through you; your entire body stiffened from the intense sensation that ran through your body. Your jaw dropped and you slowly tipped backwards as the strength in your body left you hastily. With his free hand Jimin reached around you and held your waist to keep you from falling. His fingers slipped out from your slippery hole and your body convulsed from the sudden removal of his fingers.

"Ohhh fuck!" You squeaked. Jimin slid his fingers out of you slowly, your body twitched from the absence of his warm fingers, and he kissed you on the cheek.

"Sorry baby," he apologized, but there was something about the glint in his eyes that told you he didn't feel bad about it at all. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and licked your juices off of them, taking them out with a resounding popping sound. You flushed and shoved Jimin's bare chest in embarrassment.

"Don't be weird." You laughed. The way Jimin smiled threw your heart into a downward spiral—doing all sorts of flips and jumps like it was some trapeze artist. How could someone be so beautiful?

You placed your hand on Jimin's chest and pushed him down slowly as you climbed over him. "Oh?" Jimin raised his brows in curiosity. You straddled your legs over Jimin's thighs and pressed your fingers into his stomach. "Well, this is a surprise." He hummed in amusement and he wrapped his arms behind his head as he watched you. Jimin's tongue stuck out idly from inside of his mouth and he looked like he wanted to eat you up all over again.

"Let me lead this time." You bit your lip while grinding on Jimin's thigh. His jaw dropped and his hands went up as if to grab your hips, but he stopped himself short.

"Yes. God fucking yes, do whatever you want, babygirl." He moaned and threw his head back. You smiled widely and slipped your fingers underneath his waistband to slide his underwear down his legs. Jimin's hard cock was flattened against his stomach with a pool precum. You dipped your fingers in the precum before sliding your fingertips along Jimin's shaft. His entire body shuddered under your touch.

"God dammit." He cursed through clenched teeth. Suddenly, Jimin realized that having you lead automatically put him in a submissive position, something he was definitely not used to. It was always him that was in control. You swirled your thumb over his frenulum and Jimin's body jerked. He bucked his hips just slightly before falling back into the mattress. You wrapped your hand around the head of his penis in punishment—a small gasp caught in his throat.

"Such a needy little boy..." You cooed with pouted lips. Jimin's clenched his jaw and didn't say a word. He laid back to watch you work while his eyes went dark and dripping with lust. He loves the feeling of your soft hands wrapped around his cock, stroking it so gently but it felt so good, Jimin couldn't tell if he was dreaming or not. A pretty girl like you jerking him off seems like something straight out of Jimin's more... wetter night voyeurs—though his dreams have become more than a reality now.

"Come on baby—" he grunted in pleasure. "—I know you want to ride me and much as I do, so just let me fuck you already." Jimin bit his lip and nibbled on it. You ignored his pleads and continued to stroke his cock steadily, changing the force of your grip as you tightened your fists when you got to the tip. Jimin's shameless whines and sharp hisses resounded loudly throughout the room. His head was pressed hard against the mattress and he gripped the bed sheets with fists so tight his knuckles were a ghostly white.

"Oh fuck, that's gonna make me cum," Jimin moaned sinfully and raised his head to look at you. You would not be exaggerating if you said Jimin's dark eyes didn't strike a chord within you—you could barely see the brights of his eyes from how low his gaze was on you. Jimin's chest heaved in an unsteady rhythm and his lips parted every now and then to allow a deep moan to vibrate his throat.

"Yes, cum for me." You licked your lips, restraining yourself from going down and taking Jimin into your mouth no matter how delicious the tip of his dick looked. You stroked Jimin once from the base and back up to the tip. Jimin's breath hitched and the next thing you knew, he was cumming all over your fingers.

"Fuck, fuck! Yeah, keep stroking my dick baby. Ohhh my fucking god...shit!" Expletives spewed from his mouth as he simultaneously climaxed. The first spurt of cum landed on your chin and startled you, but you continued to stroke him off, allowing his cum to spatter his toned stomach. Jimin could barely stifle his moans with you touching his sensitive member, but he tried his best. You could tell by the veins in his neck that pressed against his skin and his clenched jaw that could cut.

You released your hold on his cock and let the twitching member lay thickly on his stomach. Jimin took a second to catch his breath—shaky and breathy it was—as his legs spread apart to allow some breathing room for his overly-sensitive cock.

In Jimin's silence, you took the time to clean your face of Jimin's spontaneous release and slipped your creamed fingers into your mouth, sucking off his cum. You were startled to see Jimin watching you with wide, almost bewildered eyes as you licked off your fingers.

"What?" You asked shyly. Jimin licked his lips as well and sat up, his dick already semi-hard again.

"That was fucking hot. Can you do that again?" He asked with a smirk. You nearly laughed.

"What was? Me cleaning off your cum or you cumming on my face?" You narrowed your eyes condescendingly. Jimin's mouth stretched into a smirk—sneaky like the Cheshire Cat right before he disappears.

"Both," He said before kissing you. You close your eyes and let yourself melt under Jimin's lips. Slowly, Jimin gets up from the bed, his lips sill planted firmly on yours as he walks around the bed. He grabs your hips and pulls you until your ass is off the bedside. Jimin ran his hand over your smooth thigh, easing your legs back to expose your pussy—still wet from your prior orgasm.

Jimin rubbed the length of his shaft over your slit with his thumb pressed at the base. You got excited at the slight pleasure of his cock rubbing over the hood of your clit. "Gonna fuck you," he mumbled under his breath. "Fuck you so hard you can't remember anything but my name." Jimin directed thw tip to your entrance, catching some of your juices as lube before sliding in all the way to the base in one thrust.

"Ah..." you moaned and rest your head against the mattress; you were so full and Jimin reached so deep inside of you. Your body molded to fit around him perfectly. Jimin stayed inside of you for an while, simply reveling in your warmth. No matter how many times he fucks you, you still stay so tight around him. Like it's your first time all over again.

Jimin leaned forward and kissed you again. That's right, you entrusted Jimin with your purity and that meant a whole lot more to Jimin that you may have thought. It meant more than just sex to him. It was a bond.

"Baby," You whined under him. "M-Move, please..." You said almost desperately. Jimin hadn't realized he was still deep inside of you. Slowly, he retracted his hips and slid back into you. His thrusts were slow now, but in a few moments, they would pick up speed and he would be slamming into you without a second thought. And you loved it.

"F-Faster," you pleaded with a moan.

"Already?" Jimin chuckled and placed his hand over your naval, pressing down slightly with his thumb over your clit. "But I wanna take my time with you baby girl. Make you cum over and over. Yeah?" He grunted and agonizingly bottomed out. You let out a loud moan.

"I-I wanna cum, Jimin..." You whined, pulling back your legs to expose yourself more. Jimin smirked and his hips moved a little faster. How could he say no when you ask so nicely?

"You will. Eventually." He said and rubbed your clit while thrusting into you. The rhythm of his thrusts were steady and he went so deep every time. He always pulled out until just the tip was inside of you before sliding back in until his balls were pressed against your ass. An itch formed just beneath your stomach, the first signs of your orgasm that was approaching by the second, by every thrust.

"Oh, Jimin! Please—please, please, please go faster. I need to cum—oh fuck yes!" You screamed, your pussy clenching around Jimin. He grunted from the sudden tightness and pulled out. You gasped. The pleasure was ripped away from you so quickly that you clenched around nothing.

"W-Wh—" You stammered to ask why. Jimin hissed while rubbing himself over your slit. He leaned in and kissed you, sucking on your lower lip.

"Don't cum yet." He growled over your lips. He dragged his hand along your smooth neck before latching onto your shoulder. Jimin straightened himself and slid himself back into you and god, it almost felt too good. Your eyes rolled back and fluttered closed; your entire body aflame from this addictive feeling.

His thrusts picked up and he was pounding into you so hard you could barely breathe. You could feel every ridge of Jimin's cock that filled you deeply. Only Jimin could hit every single one of your sweet spots like he was throwing darts at a giant wheel. It was just too easy. Before you knew it, you were already unraveling underneath him. Heat blossomed through your body in dynamic increments—every wave crashing into you it felt like you were going to pass out.

Jimin pulled out of you with a wet, squelching sound and jerked himself off to release some pent-up sexual frustration. He stood at the edge of the bed with his erectness tall. He looked down at you sprawled out on the bed—both of you panting in exhaustion.

"Baby..." Jimin moaned and caressed his hand over your knee with such gentleness, you wondered if he was the same guy that was saying he was going to make you cum over and over. "Turn over for me."

You whined in a high pitched voice. "I'm tired..." You said and Jimin chuckled darkly.

"You want me to do it by force? 'Cause I will, princess." He said. It took you a split second to process his words before you turned yourself over and stuck your ass up in the air despite your pussy already red and bruised. Jimin laughed and smacked your ass. You bit back a moan. "That's a good girl."

You spread your legs as Jimin positioned himself at your entrance and slipped himself back into your wet hole. You gawked; Jimin's cock rubbed right over your sweet spot before nestling deep inside of you. You buried your head in the bed and moaned.

"Ah, so tight as always, fuck..." Jimin sighed and gripped your ass in his hands, grinding his hips into you. God, he just loves seeing you go insane, doesn't he?

"Ohh, baby. P-Please move." You pleaded and wiggled you ass, nestling right up against Jimin's naval. His pubic hair tickled your ass, but his cock filled you up so nicely you couldn't care less. Jimin hissed and squeezed your cheek and glanced down to see his cock coated in a layer of your cream. The sight was so amazing, he wanted to whip out his phone and snap a photo and save it for jerk-off material later. Jimin leaned forward and kissed your shoulder while his hand wandered up to stroke your hair.

"I'm gonna go rough, okay?" He whispered. You nodded, almost too enthusiastically.

"Yes, fuck me like a little whore, Jimin.” You glanced back for a second before Jimin clutched your hair and yanked your head back; a loud groan rumbled in your throat. You didn't have a second to prepare yourself before Jimin was pounding you from the back. The sound of skin slapping against skin clashed with your cries of pleasure. Your eyes fluttered behind your eyelids and all of the strength in your arms that were keeping you up left you and you fell forward into the mattress. Your desperate moans were drowned out by the sound of hasty grunts and muffled into the bed.

It wasn't the first time Jimin had been this rough with you. The first time was you just experimenting with sex you've only seen in porn and as usual, Jimin took things slow to let you adjust(yet somehow, he still managed to have you shivering from your orgasm by the end of the night).

Jimin's moans transformed into animalistic grunts that grew rougher with each thrust. They were breathy and gruff like this was angry sex and he was letting his frustration out on your poor pussy. He gripped your ass with his hand and propped his foot on the bed to dig out your insides even more. Had there been a mirror next you, Jimin would be hunched over while his hips moved wildly; your hair twisted in his hand.

"Agh, fuck! Fuck, I'm almost there—shit! Ah, I'm gonna cum, baby!" he growled and got in a few more shaky thrusts before pulling out and relieving himself over your ass; thick streams of cum painted your smooth skin. Moans of satisfaction from both of you filled the room. You were mostly glad that your hole could have a break. Jimin slapped his softened dick on your ass, smothering his cum into your skin.

"Ass looks so nice in my cum." He big his lip and smacked your ass. You whined and sprawled out on your stomach.

"That's great, but why don't you wipe it off now?" You laughed dryly, too lazy to wipe it off yourself. Jimin laughed as well, but he was still tired from exerting all of his strength.

"Yes, of course baby." He said and reached for a wet wipe that you kept in your drawer. He softly wiped his spunk off of your ass and you hummed happily. There was something so domestic about Jimin cleaning you up and calling you baby and whatnot. You didn't want it to end, ever. You wondered if it's ever going to end, if it has to end.

"There you go, your highness," Jimin said as he slid off the bed and snatched his underwear from the floor. You watched him pull the underwear over himself and when he meets your eyes, you don't look away. "What? You planning on round two? I don't mind, but at least give me some time to rest."

"No, that's not it," you said and roll your eyes. "Just thinking."

"You think a lot," Jimin sighed and flopped down on the bed beside you. He swooped in and wrapped his arm around our waist, pulling you down with him as he falls onto the mattress. "What's on your mind, princess?" Jimin closed his eyes with a small smile. You turn your body so you're touching chests and inches away from his face.

"I dunno... I think I'm too sober to tell." You said and Jimin snaps his head to narrow his eyes at you.

"Oh no, we are not having another drunk wine night. I swear, if you're still thinking about Namjoon—"

"I'm not!" You intervene with wide eyes. "God, no. I told you I'm over him!" You exclaim. Jimin nods his head in silent approval, as if to say, you better be. "I was just wondering... what's going to happen to us?" You asked in a soft voice. Jimin comprehends your words in a second before he looks at you with wide eyes of pure surprise.

"What?" Is all he can say.

"I mean—this whole thing. You and me, it only happened because I still liked Namjoon but now, it's different, you know?"

"How different?" Jimin's throat felt dry and his stomach started to churn in a way that wasn't supposed to after sex.

"I mean..." you take a deep breath and softly press the pads of your fingers on Jimin's chest. "What are we going to do now?"

At that moment, it would be perfect if Jimin were to say something along the lines of, anything. We can do whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy. As long as I get to be with you. Because that's exactly what was on his mind; but those words never made it out of his mouth. His throat tightened and his head spun like his brain was being twisted. An unsettling feeling in his stomach bubbles and all of a sudden, it's gotten harder to breathe.

Just say it. Just fucking say it.

But for some reason, he couldn't. Just simple sentence, one that'll lock down his love for you and he'll never have to worry about you liking another guy ever again, but the words don't come to his head.

"Jimin?" You ask, concerned. He flinched.

"I—uh, I can't—"

"You can't?" Your tone was sharp.

"No! No, that's not what I meant—"

"You can't what, Jimin?" You sit up and clench your hands at your side, head lowered to mask your teary eyes. "I knew it. You never fucking cared." You threw the blankets off of your legs and stood up from the bed, grabbing the rest of Jimin's clothes from the floor and chucking it at him. "Should've known."

"What? No! Y/N, listen to me!" Jimin stood up as well, covering his crotch with the crumpled up shirt you threw at him. "I care a lot about you."

Almost too much.

"That's it?" You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "You're a joke, Park Jimin."

"I'm a joke?" Jimin glared at you. "I'm not the one who's flirting with other guys like I'm not there! What the hell do you think this is?!" He yelled back and deep down, he knew he shouldn't have. The two of you weren't even dating, so why was he getting jealous? "Do whatever you want. If you want to fuck Jungkook, be my guest."

Your jaw dropped and you let out an exasperated gasp. "I am not fucking Jungkook. We're just friends! What, I can't have guy friends now? Who are you to decide that?!"

"Is that not what you intended when you got his number? When you were completely falling for his  childish flirting tactics? Please, you were leading him on like a dog on leash!" You saw Jimin's jaw clench tightly as he gripped his shirt with such anger. "Maybe Jungkook is a better choice for you."

"So—so what, are you calling me a whore now?"

"I never said that."

"It was implied."

"No, I never said that. Jeez, are you listening to yourself? All you do is talk yourself down for no reason! What's the point in that?!" He growled at you; suddenly emotions that he didn't even know he had were coming out.

"You know why," your voice squeaked, but you refused to shed any tears. The emotional wall you had built up over the years wasn't going to go down that easily and you definitely weren't going to let it crumble because of some petty argument. "Don't make this my fault."

"It's no one's fault, Y/N, or do you just like playing the victim?"

"Of course not! You're being ridiculous right now!" You exclaimed. Jimin knew that. He knew everything you were saying was correct and he was wrong and emotional and overreacting, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to tell you that because he was just so immature. But he still couldn't shake the uncertainty from his heart.

Jimin turned himself around and unraveled the damaged shirt in his hands, pulling it over his head. With his upper body covered, he felt less vulnerable.

"Then is he an option?" Jimin asked, his voice steady but only because Jimin was clenching his fists so tightly to hide his shaky voice. "If—if you had the choice between Jungkook and me, which one would you have sex with?" Jimin asked, his heart was pounding and he could feel his pulse through his fists as well as it drumming against his ears.

Would you replace me with Jungkook? Or Namjoon?

You could feel your nails digging wedges into your palms from how hard you were clenching your hands. It was unusual for you and Jimin to argue like this; the only thing you argued about was what toppings to get on pizza or who would be covering the bill for when the two of you ate out. Now that his entire demeanor had changed, from a sweet, playful attitude to some heartless dickhead you wondered if those feelings you had for him were genuine or not.

You knew you shouldn't have asked Jimin. He was just like the rumors said, just a jerk that sleeps around with women. You figured you knew him better, but in the end, they're all the same.

Jimin must've gone crazy. It was so out of character for Jimin to get so caught up in his own feelings that he didn't know how to control them and himself.

The room was eerily silent and the only sound was the soft hum of the air conditioning and the distant zoom of cars in the street. Jimin glanced back and saw the moonlight illuminate your face in a soft, white glow; the soft tufts of your hair that fell in front of your face, your lips that protruded out, your eyes that squeezed ever so slightly as a single tear fell down your cheek...

And Jimin's heart stopped. His face paled as his breath left his lungs and he felt his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach. Sheer guilt socked him in the gut and all he wanted to do was take back everything he had said.

Your hand hurriedly went to wipe your cheek and sniffled before averting your eyes.

"Is--" your voice cracked. "Is that what you thought this was? Just sex? I thought we..." you couldn’t finish the sentence without losing the power in your voice. You couldn't bring yourself to confess that you thought this was more than just sex. It was more than just being friends with benefits. It was late night talks, venting over a few glasses of wine, providing a shoulder to lean on when you wanted to burst out in tears when you felt so shitty, it was a chest to cry on when you did. It was Skype calls until four in the morning, treating each other to lunch, passing notes to each other in class, going on night-time drives to who knows where. It was more than just sex for you, but that was only to you. You supposed it was the same for Jimin.

Another tear fell down your cheek and you caught it before it pooled at your chin. And then another. You cupped your face and cursed under your breath; a mixture of shame and embarrassment conjured inside of you for crying in front of Jimin. You'd done it many times before, but this time was different. You weren't crying because of Namjoon or how shitty and pathetic your life was, you were crying over Jimin.

"Y/N—"

"Just go home," you interrupted, not even caring how scratchy and raspy your voice was. "Please, just go. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

And without another word, Jimin picked up his things and left.

[botanistlester]

Sweet Pea (33/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: Holy crappu! Chapter 33! Only one more chapter left and then this fic will be finished! I literally am in shock right now honestly. I'll save all the gushy stuff for the next chapter, but i'm still in shock lol. The final chapter is more like an epilogue so it may be out before Saturday since I already have half of it written! So keep your eye out for that! Sorry this chapter is late, i had a lot going on these couple of weeks and then like three hours ago I was almost finished with this but my roommate asked if I wanted to watch The Killing of a Sacred Deer (it's a movie i promise) and i was like. Um yeah who do you take me for OF COURSE! So here we are, three hours into sunday, and I'm an ass! Thank you all for reading this and for your lovely comments! The song at the beginning is from Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye

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Chapter Thirty-Three

Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die. Told myself that you were right for me, but felt so lonely in your company. But that was love and it's an ache I still remember.

-

University starts before Phil is truly ready for it.

One moment, he feels like he’s just minding his own business working and lazing around the house, and the next he’s scrambling to do last minute school shopping (i.e., buy a pack of pencils and that’s it). It hits him hard, but his friends are there for him and he even shares his creative nonfiction class with Charlie, so he can’t be too terribly mad.

The first couple of weeks go by rather slowly. His professors are all nice, and Phil had gotten a doctor’s note from his psychologist saying that he may have to miss school sometimes due to an ‘underlying mental illness’, which really just meant his post-traumatic stress disorder that occasionally flared up here and there. While it had gotten better, he wasn’t completely healed yet. Apparently that shit either took years to go away, or even never went away. But Phil was optimistic and every time he could smell Nico’s old cologne or watch Nico’s favourite show without going into freakout mode was a win for him.

Things got stressful fast though, sadly, which is true for all of university. One moment, he was just minding his own business, scrolling through tumblr at odd hours of the day, eating snacks, and the next he was scrambling to finish a ten page paper about why sex education in school is important while completely forgetting to eat as he rushed to finish. Dan was practically shoving food down his throat during it all, berating him for not starting the paper earlier.

What a hypocrite, honestly. Phil had seen Dan rush to finish a paper multiple times because his depression had gotten in the way of doing it earlier. At the least, he should at least understand when Phil did it too.

But then again, maybe he did understand. Maybe he was shoving food down Phil’s throat and promising him a bubble bath after he finished because he knew exactly what Phil was dealing with emotionally, knew how hard it was to complete things on time when the world was pressing on your chest in a way that made it hard to breathe.

After a while, his brain had had enough of the strain and decided to give up after five pages, spewing out a load of bullshit that didn’t make sense in the slightest. Phil buried his face into his palms, his eyes tearing up, and pressed his fingers against his eyelids to keep the wetness from leaking onto his cheeks. It didn’t really help too much other than to make his eyes hurt with the pressure.

“Why don’t you take a break?” Dan asked softly, draping a soft blanket around Phil’s shoulders. He kissed the side of Phil’s head, nuzzling his nose into his hair. “Email your professor and see if she’ll let you turn it in a day late.”

Phil laughed humourlessly, wetly. He didn’t think it was that easy. Plus, wouldn’t that just make him look bad by asking for special treatment? “And let my professor know that I was slacking on this assignment? I’d rather die.”

Dan hummed and pulled Phil’s laptop off of his lap, ignoring the small protests that came out of Phil’s mouth when he did so. Without asking, he replaced the laptop with himself, plopping on Phil’s lap like he was a dog. He poked Phil’s nose. “Mental health isn’t being lazy or slacking, my dear boy. It’s an actual disorder of the brain that renders you incapable during periods of time where you would otherwise be okay. Sometimes you can be in a bad place for weeks, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Your professors already know that there’s something going on with you. Asking for an extra day to complete the assignment is just you trying to be responsible and practicing self care. If you don’t finish tonight, then you’ll look like you don’t care about it at all and you’ll get points taken off of your assignment. Which would you prefer?”

In the end, Phil emailed his professor. Although he did do it with a lot of whining and grumbling, just to make Dan mad. (It doesn’t matter that Dan doesn’t get mad at him anyways, no matter how hard Phil tried. He was always way too understanding, damn it).

After only five minutes of refreshing his gmail anxiously, Dr. Lucifer replied with a chill, ‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll give you until Wednesday to complete it. Feel better Philip!’ There was even a smiley face at the end, so out of place after Phil had carefully constructed his email, made sure there were no typos, practically typing out a double spaced, 12 point Times New Roman persuasive paper about why he needed an extra day to complete. And then here was his professor, signing off with a fucking smiley face.

“Was that so hard?” Dan asked softly, brushing a hand through Phil’s hair.

Phil pouted and, because he was a jerk, pushed Dan off his lap light enough that Dan wouldn’t get hurt and could catch himself when he fell. “Shut your mouth, Howell, you owe me a bubble bath.”

Phil did end up getting his bubble bath, complete with a robot bubble bar from Lush, candles around the tub, and his favourite anime playing on his laptop that was set on the toilet so he could see. However, he also got an armful of Dan, which was something pure and good.

When Dan joined the bath, it didn’t matter that they were both too giants trying to fit into one tub. It didn’t matter that Phil’s legs started to go numb after a while or that they had to get out quicker because they got too hot too fast. All that mattered was that they were spending time together, with Phil’s arms around Dan’s waist, gently running his nails over Dan’s stomach because he knew that Dan liked it when he did that.

Most of the time, Phil liked to be held by Dan simply because it made him feel safe and warm and loved. But today, Phil wanted to be able to hold somebody. Holding something against his chest made him feel like his heart was full, like there was someone who needed him and who he needed in return. It was so relaxing, in his opinion, especially when that person was Dan, who he could press kisses all over his shoulders and neck. Who’s hair he could mess with, twirling a curls around his finger and pretending like his fingers were curling irons.

It was nice. It got Phil’s schoolwork off of his mind, that’s for sure. And when Dan turned around, capturing Phil’s lips in his, asking if he wanted a ‘good job blowjob’, Phil definitely didn’t have any complaints.

-

Phil had a break in between his Poetry and his Creative Nonfiction class where he liked to go to the different dining halls to grab some food. Depending on the day, Phil would meet up with either Louise, Dan, or both, and they would have a meal together, talking about how their classes were going, or how life in general was going. Phil really liked Louise and he was glad that they were getting to know each other better, thanks to Dan.

Plus, seeing Louise and Dan together reminded Phil of how he and Chandler used to be. They had their own inside jokes and would sometimes just break into laughter as soon as they made eye contact for no apparent reason. Louise made fun of Dan with no shame and Dan laughed so loudly that his voice would go all high pitched and squeaky.

Whereas most people may feel like they were a third wheel after something like this, Phil didn’t feel that way at all. It was nice on days where Phil didn’t feel up to talking too much, and it was nice on the days when Phil wanted to join in and create his own inside jokes with them. Watching the two of them together was a gift in itself, because Phil liked to watch how Dan interacted with people who weren’t, well, him.

When Dan wasn’t talking to Phil, his voice was louder and more brash, more obnoxious. He was more sarcastic, kind of mean, but only in a joking way. He liked to tell people to fuck off, liked to tell them that they were twats. He cussed a lot and was a dramatic piece of shit that was so painfully obviously studying something in theatre.

With Phil, Dan was all smiles and soft voices and warmth. Sometimes he would get all competitive and act like he was the most important drama queen on the planet, but then other times he would be all cuddles and kisses and compliments. Phil would love to tell the whole world about Dan’s big praise kink whenever Dan was in his boasting mood with Louise, but he didn’t. When he smiled at Phil, he made these doe-eyes that really made him look in love, tone quiet when he teased.

In short, Dan was a lot gayer with just Phil around.

Today was just one of those days where Phil didn’t really feel like talking. Dan understood this and didn’t press him for answers, knowing by now that Phil sometimes just needed time to be quiet and think about life. Everyone had those days, and Phil was having a day like that now.

Dan was holding his hand on the table, and Phil was grateful once again that they had opposite dominant hands, that way they could hold hands while still eating. Phil was eating a taco bowl made with spicy shrimp and Dan had gotten a sub sandwich with a taro bubble tea. Despite Dan’s efforts to make Phil try the drink, Phil refused, saying that he was afraid it would taste like a potato.

Louise and Dan were in a dispute about which bubble tea flavour was the best. Louise was stuck on mango while Dan said that the milk tea and taro were definitely the best. Phil just smiled and sat back, sipping on his own earl grey bubble tea. He liked it, but it wasn’t the best he’d ever tasted at all. He just hadn’t been in the mood for anything particularly fruity, so this was the most logical answer.

“How’s your tea, Phil?” Louise asked, drawing Dan’s attention towards Phil as well.

Phil shrugged and sipped at it again. “Spicy. Wait, no that’s not what I-” he was cut off by the sound of Dan trying to hold in a laugh, but failing miserably as it came out with a snort. He made eye contact with Louise, whose eyes were watering from trying not to laugh, and then they all burst into laughter. The table was practically vibrating with their noise, and Phil’s throat hurt from cackling so hard.

When Louise could finally get in a breath, she wheezed out, “Phil, that is the whitest thing I have ever heard you say.”

“I forgot what the word for herbal was!” Phil whined, which only made Dan laugh harder.

“Earl grey isn’t even an herbal tea, Phil!”

Phil pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. “Your mum isn’t even an herbal tea.”

Louise shook her head, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm down. Her makeup was a bit watery and messed up now, but it didn’t look bad. If anything, it was just endearing. “I can’t believe we’re still using your mum jokes.”

“I can’t believe you’re my friend,” Phil shot back, shaking his head in disappointment at himself. In all honesty, he was really grateful for both Louise and Dan, and they both knew that. Without them, Phil would probably just be sat in his apartment with no friends and sad piano music playing in the background.

The epitome of depression.

Just then, Phil glanced around the dining hall that they were in and his eyes came to a stop on someone who looked slightly familiar. It took him a moment to realise why they looked familiar, because this person had curly brown hair with blonde highlights, and Phil didn’t know anybody with blonde highlights.

But apparently he did now, because Nico was standing across the dining hall, in line at the bubble tea shop. As opposed to the other times Phil had seen him, this time he was completely alone and staring right at Phil with a hard frown on his lips.

From where he was sitting, Phil couldn’t see the freckle constellations on his face. He couldn’t see the colour of his eyes or how they shined emerald in the light. He couldn’t see the lines between his eyebrows or each individual strand of hair. He couldn’t smell his cologne or hear his voice.

And yet, Phil could hear his voice. He could smell his cologne. He could see the fucking freckles on his face and the glitter of emerald in his eyes and the lines between his eyebrows and each individual strand of hair. If somebody had asked him if he could draw constellations connecting each freckle together with only a pen and a piece of paper and no map, then Phil would be able to do it perfectly. Because even a year later, the memory of Nico was still burned into his head so intensely that he still couldn’t forget all of the tiny details that made up the man.

Dan squeezed Phil’s hand but Phil was so focused on the matter at hand that he hardly noticed. He could feel panic build up in him, making his skin pale and shaky. He felt nauseous, but it wasn’t as overwhelming as it had been whenever Phil had seen Nico before. This time, it was just a smooth thrumming in his bones, vibrating him, making him feel like his skeleton was trying to shed off his own skin.

He hated that he was doing this in front of Louise, hated that he was showing weakness once again in a public setting. Every time he thought that he was doing well, that maybe for once he was taking his PTSD by the balls and throwing it against the wall for good, it seemed to be thrown back in his face in one way or another.

“Phil.”

Nico didn’t look away and Phil couldn’t bring himself to either. They were frozen, thinking about a time when they were together, when Phil had put Nico first no matter what it did to his own mental health. Back when Nico’s opinion meant more than his own, when he had done everything to keep Nico and had gotten nothing in return but harsh words and a cold shoulder. Now being with Dan, Phil doesn’t know how he’d been with Nico for so long when he had constantly felt like shit. But he also knew that it wasn’t that simple. He’d been trapped by the sick idea that that was what love was supposed to be like, thanks to all of those sick love stories that made him believe that love meant sacrificing parts of yourself for your partner even if it makes you sad.

“Phil. Phil, hey.”

Dan’s hands were on both of Phil’s cheeks then, turning his head to face him. His hands were cold against Phil’s hot cheeks, but his eyes were warm like tea. His eyebrows were crinkled with concern, his thumbs rubbing over Phil’s cheekbones to try to bring him back to the present.

When he finally got Phil’s eyes on him, Dan smiled softly and bumped their foreheads together, nuzzling his nose against Phil’s. “Hey,” he murmured quietly.

Phil tried to smile but he only succeeded in his lips twitching up slightly, eyebrows furrowed like he was worried about something. Face pale like he had seen a ghost. “Hi,” he whispered, voice shaking slightly.

Ignoring Louise’s presence completely, Dan pressed a kiss to Phil’s nose. Feather light but full of feeling. Full of care. A small I’m here for you. Phil glanced out of the corner of his eye, back over towards Nico. He saw the way Nico was gritting his teeth, clenching his fists. Saw the way Nico muttered under his breath and then turned away, getting out of line and walking out of the dining hall.

“Hey,” Dan said again. “Look at me. Are you looking at me?” He pulled away and pressed kisses against Phil’s forehead, his cheeks, the corner of his lips. Phil was looking at him now. He was always looking at Dan. “Good. Keep your eyes on me. I’m here, okay? Everything is going so well, you’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you, you know? You’ve gotten so far and you’re doing things for yourself and even if you trip and stumble sometimes, you don’t let it stop you. You keep going no matter how hard it is. You’re so strong, Phil. You always have been.”

Phil closed his eyes, let Dan’s words wash over him. With Nico out of the room, he was starting to calm down, but it was hard to completely grasp the present enough to get himself out of the past. It was almost as though he had hands grabbing at his legs, trying to pull him under until he was gasping for breath, completely submerged in memory that he didn’t quite want to remember.

Slowly, Dan started to pull him out, whispering to Phil how he inspired him every day to be a better person, how Phil had gone through hell and yet had gotten out despite not believing in himself. When he ran out of things to say, he started talking about what was going on in their lives at the moment, how Phil had gone back to school and was doing so many things with his life now.

When Phil’s breath audibly stabilized, Dan kissed him lightly on the lips and pulled back slightly, looking at him with that calm smile on his face again. Phil’s eyes fluttered open and he stared into the warm brown, his heartbeat starting to calm. Dan grinned. “Better?”

Phil nodded and managed to smile back, albeit a bit shakily still. “A bit,” he rasped out. “I mostly just feel tired now.”

“Do you need to go back to the flat and skip out on Creative Nonfiction for today?”

This time, Phil shook his head. “No, I should go,” he sighed out, bumping his forehead to Dan’s and putting his hand on his knee, squeezing it lightly. “My writing journal is due today and I don’t want to deal with asking another professor for another extension. Better to just get it over with.”

Dan was beaming at him and he looked so full of sunlight that Phil was afraid he might burst. Phil gave him a quizzical stare, and if Dan was a dog with a tail, he would be wagging it right then. “You didn’t freak out that bad!” Dan exclaimed as reasoning for being so excited. Phil pursed his lips as Dan continued. “You didn’t pass out, you didn’t start crying or have to leave. Fuck, you’re even going to class afterwards. That’s amazing, Phil!”

Phil was absolutely floored. He didn’t really think about it like that. All he had been thinking was that it was ridiculous that he was still dwelling in the past, that he was still panicking. Because he did panic, he did get anxious and upset. But this time, he had actually been able to get a hold of his emotions without something drastically changing. “I…” he started, and then laughed awkwardly, shaking his head in amazement. “Yeah, you’re right.”

While there was still anxiety inside of him, Phil hadn’t had a full blown panic attack. And it was while Nico was in the room. Every time Phil had imagined seeing Nico again, it had never turned out well. He had always thought he would freak out or pass out or all of the above. But this time, he didn’t do any of those things.

“We need to celebrate,” Dan joked, and it was then that he seemed to realise that Louise was still there. Poor Louise, who was just eating her food and scrolling through her phone without paying them any mind. She was so obviously trying to give them space, but her ears perked when Dan started to speak to her. “Louise, do you wanna buy Phil an ice cream?”

Phil laughed in shock, shoving at Dan. He shook his head in disbelief. “You can’t just ask people if they’ll buy things for me, Dan!” he scolded his boyfriend, giving him what was supposed to be a harsh look.

Louise jumped at the chance to be a part of the situation though, because she was reaching across the table and grabbing Phil’s hand in both of her own. With the most serious expression on her face that Phil had ever seen, she said, “I will buy you every goddamn ice cream in the world if that’s what you want.”

They stared at each other. Phil with his mouth hanging open and Louise with an unreadable expression. The longer they stared, the more laughter built up inside of Phil at the absurdity of the situation, and then they were both giggling. Louise squeezed his hand. “Seriously, Phil. I’m buying you ice cream whether you like it or not.”

“Fine,” Phil huffed. “Let’s have a full blown party in that case. I expect strippers.”

“Can’t forget the strippers. They’re essential,” Dan said.

Louise nodded and pulled out a mini notebook from her purse, jotting something down inside of it with a pink pen. “Got it. Ice cream and strippers. I’ll throw Phil the best gosh darn anti-panic-attack party there ever was and you better be there. Or else.”

Phil didn’t know what the or else meant, but he knew that he was going to be there for sure, surrounded by people who he loved and cared about, and who felt the same for him. Because this was the kind of thing that people should throw parties for apparently, and he was just going to have to accept that.

Accepting it wasn’t very hard, after all.

Chapter Thirty-Four