#so i figured it'd be neat to have a place to /put/ all that information

[interstellarsystem]

Also adding on! Systems of any kind, and various experiences within them, are also alterhuman. They have been since the coining post.

Huge pet peeve of ours when people equate alterhumanity to just meaning "nonhuman", but also considering how common systems are in the community, it's always been weird to us how even we are overlooked. We absolutely agree with all of the above though (and we'll need to check out a few of these links later ourselves).

Plural: Multiple people in a body, to keep it simple. Morethanone is a good place to get a neat little rundown.

Fictive: A person in a system who is from a fictional source. They may or may not identify as that character in question.

Factive: Like fictive, but with factbased sources instead. Historical figures, celebreties, other people, etc.

Extranth: A member of a system who is nonhuman--specifically in a way similar to fictives and factives, and separate from otherkin. (Coining post).

Soulbond: A connection formed with a (usually) fictional character in someones mind. Note that not every soulbond/soulbonder considers themselves plural. (This carrd has a lot of good stuff all in one place.)

Daemonism: The practice of communicating with a daemon--a personified split of your consciousness that usually takes an animal form. Like with soulbonders, a lot of people in this community consider themselves separate from plurals. (Link to daemonism terms.)

Tulpa: A deliberately created person you share your body with. There's a whole lot of techniques to it, and not everyone considers themselves plural here either. (Note: Some might use "parogenic" or "thoughtform" here instead of tulpa--though "thoughtform" is a more broad term that can cover different things.) r/Tulpas has plenty of informative links for further reading.

Also, some things that don't fall under plurality:

Constelic: A label for when one collects/takes on multiple identities. They might have one identity, or a lot, and these can range in intenstity as to how they're experienced. (Link to coining post on the web archive, carrd on the web archive.)

Vampire: Someone who feeds off of energy, blood, or both. I don't have links on hand for the vamp community so if someone else wants to put some in, it'd be great.

Factkin: Someone who identifies as a factual entity--usually a person who has lived before, like a historical figure.

Otherhuman: A person who feels like they belong to another branch of humans/human species, fictional or real (link).

"Alterhuman" is such an expansive term, there's so much more than nonhumanity to it. Not everyone who falls under any of these labels would necessarily call themselves alterhuman, but the term exists as an umbrella for everyone who wants it. It's so much more than one or two things--and even nonhumanity has intricate nuances to it that go overlooked.

you there. person posting a "list of alterhuman terms" post in the community tags. name and define five alterhuman identities that ARE NOT nonhumanity or fictionkinity. if you try to use voluntary nonhumanity as one of these the dragon gets to eat you. you have five minutes.

[nataliesewell]

the arcana masterlist

Stop reblogging this post. The masterlist is no longer being updated. Dana Rune, the artist, is an incest shipper and the devs are just generally horrible. DON’T SUPPORT THE ARCANA.

i’m dreadfully curious and hopelessly lost when it comes to the arcana’s twisting, complex plot, which we still don’t know much about, so i figured it’d be best to compile what i know about the characters and the plot intertwining them so far.

of course, different options / combos in the game reveal different things. as i haven’t gotten them all, and i’m forgetful af, there’ll be information missing. this is where you lovely people come in. feel free to message me stuff i’ve missed, or ask me for proof of something i’ve mentioned that you haven’t seen before! this way this masterlist will remain canonical and truthful.

just to be clear, there aren’t meant to be any assumptions or theories here; this post contains only what we know to be fact, whether it be confirmed in-game or by the devs on tumblr.

there are major spoilers abound under the cut, for future discoveries in the game even: read at your own discretion.

UPDATES

AUG 29: added more information, including that from the devs’ tumblr, and made some fixes as pointed out by some lovely tumblr users

SEP 24: removed and added information on asra’s memory wipe

SEP 28: made a heading for book vi + future books and added new information

BOOKS I - V

BACK STORY

the apprentice and other characters reside in a seaside city-state named vesuvia

count lucio hosted the masquerade, a festival held every year on his birthday, where all the cityfolk are invited, rich or poor (people were only turned away when the palace was at capacity)

at some point, the red plague sweeps vesuvia, killing countless people

if affected by the plague, a person’s sclera (the outer part / layer of their eyeball) will noticeably turn from white to red

in the hopes of finding a cure, various physicians, scientists, alchemists, witches, and even fortune tellers were invited by the count and countess to the palace, where they offered them resources for their research

during the last masquerade, three years ago, someone killed the count when he retired to his chambers

julian devorak is believed to be the killer, and is being hunted by countess nadia, however there aren’t any leads on his whereabouts

the palace has been barred from cityfolk since julian’s escape, and no more masquerades have been hosted... Until Now

LUCIO

“provocative count whose presence still lingers over the city”

before becoming a count, he was a mercenary

was feared yet loved by his subjects / the cityfolk

had the red plague, as in his sprite lucio has red sclera

commissioned a painting in which he appears as the central figure, a goat, surrounded by other animals; it was a favourite painting of his, and so it still hangs in the dining room

killed in his chambers during the last masquerade, at midnight, by manner of burning / fire; the entire wing has been closed down and abandoned since

portia mentions there are many people who had motive to kill lucio, as he had a lot of enemies

has two dogs, melchior and mercedes, who guard the staircase leading to the abandoned wing; they might later lead the apprentice to the wing

depending on the player’s choices, the apprentice may explore the abandoned palace wing / lucio’s chambers and come into contact with an apparition of a goat with red eyes

ASRA

“wandering magician with a wealth of secrets”

grew up in the streets of vesuvia alongside muriel, as confirmed by the devs on tumblr

has a familiar, a snake named faust

the devs disclosed that faust was given to asra when she was an egg by another, unknown magician

operated from a fortune teller’s booth in the city for an unknown amount of time before he met the apprentice

well known by cityfolk, and appears to be feared by some as well (namely the fortune teller whose booth is close to the palace)

later came to live with the apprentice in their shop-slash-home

went to the palace to find a cure for the red plague; the apprentice had no knowledge of this

left on a journey during the start of the game, though where he went is unknown to the player and apprentice

when telling his fortune, the apprentice picks the high priestess card, and says to asra, “you’ve forsaken her. you’ve pushed her away, and buried her voice. she calls out to you, but you won’t listen. if you don’t listen to her...”

was in a relationship with julian for an unknown amount of time; it also isn’t known when the relationship started or ended

in his grimoire preview, julian says that asra is a “witch that fears commitment”

gave julian a key to the apprentice’s shop during their relationship; julian reveals he made various house calls, namely to asra’s bedroom (the apprentice had no knowledge of this, nor of their relationship)

left faust behind with the apprentice, stating his instincts told him to after having his fortune read

when glimpsed from the fountain at the palace, as well as in the apprentice’s dreams, asra is in a vast desert atop a “strange beast”

if the player asks where he is, asra answers, “a place inside of me. who would have thought you’d be able to reach me here?”

if asked about his relation to julian, asra admits he was his friend and later became “more. and then something else... something that i had to get away from”

if asked about his relation to nadia, asra says that she was “a dear friend, once. we could talk about anything, everything, all night long. we trusted each other. for a time... but we’re strangers now”

if asked who the apprentice is to them, asra confesses his romantic feelings for them, and then erases the apprentice’s memory of it; the devs have explained this is not a continuous thing

JULIAN

“fugitive doctor who hungers for revenge”

while he is a doctor, he’s an unlicensed one

brother of portia (who refers to him as ilya); the two of them haven’t seen each other in years

went to the palace in order to find a cure for the red plague; nadia  says that julian was lucio’s “trusted physician” before his death

at the last masquerade, julian was implicated in lucio’s murder; the apprentice mentions he was captured (or surrendered) “on the spot”, but before he could be executed, he escaped

wrote a letter to portia while at the palace, which the player / apprentice doesn’t know the entirety of; as it was found among his things at the palace, he might not have sent it to portia

what we know was in the letter: “dear sister, i have... much to share since last i wrote. winter has come to the palace... these marble floors are so cold... each morning...”

looking for asra at the start of the game, which is why he breaks into the shop and meets the apprentice

when telling his fortune, the apprentice picks the death card, but the card doesn’t speak to them; whether it be because of how nervous they are or something else, we don’t know

julian reacts to the card by laughing  and saying “death cast her gaze on this wretch and turned away. she has no interest in an abomination like me”

was given a key to the apprentice’s shop by asra during their relationship; it appears julian didn’t know anything about the apprentice prior to meeting them at the start of the game

isn’t afraid to be seen, as evidenced by his appearance at the marketplace as well as at the rowdy raven tavern

if the player asks about this, julian explains the tavern goers won’t turn him in as they don’t like the palace guards (the apprentice is surprised, as where they live, the cityfolk treat the guards with reverence)

should the player have seen him at the marketplace, they will comment on his presence there, to which julian vaguely answers he “just has one of those faces”

of julian, asra says he’s “a hack physician with a lot to learn” and continues with “who is julian to me... who is he to anyone? whoever he needs to be, to get what he wants”

NADIA

“widowed countess whose word is law”

a foreigner to vesuvia, she lived in prakra (“a vast empire in the north”) before marrying lucio; she misses it deeply, and speaks on length about the sea there

doesn’t feel she can trust most people at the palace, as mentioned by portia

not a magician, however can see visions of the future in her dreams; she dreamt of the apprentice before the start of the game, which is why she sought them out

nadia comments the apprentice was “...different” in her dream

in the same dream, she saw a vision of a future she “will not allow to pass”

when telling her fortune, the apprentice picks the magician card, and says nadia has “a plan. one that’s long in the making. years upon years” that she hopes to put into motion

the devs have revealed that nadia doesn’t love lucio, and might not even harbour any friendly / kind feelings towards him either

regardless, she calls lucio’s death a “vicious injustice upon this house”

when revealing her plan to host another masquerade, she says it will be “more fanatical than ever. fantastical, excuse me”

the cityfolk believe her to be a tyrant, and fear her, much like they did lucio; however they do not love her as they loved lucio

is known to despise magicians and fortune tellers; nadia later explains she doesn’t hate them but is wary of them (as they may be pretending to have magical abilities)

has frequent, recurring headaches, which portia says are getting worse since nadia decided to host another masquerade and find julian

announces (through portia) to the cityfolk that another masquerade will be hosted soon, in honour of lucio --- none of the courtiers were aware of this until the announcement

she hopes the masquerade will lure julian, whom she believes to be lucio’s killer; she wishes to execute him publicly for the crime

wants help from the apprentice in catching julian, through magical means

gifts the apprentice an emerald necklace, which has asra’s magic tied to it; how she came to possess it is not explained

used to be friends with asra, though they are strangers now

of nadia, asra comments, “precious friends, precious experiences... you’d be amazed what people can forget. when they don’t want to remember...”

MURIEL

“fearsome outsider who owes an onerous debt”

muriel and asra are childhood friends, as confirmed by the devs on tumblr

also confirmed is the fact that muriel used to be a gladiator

muriel owes someone - currently unknown - an enormous monetary debt

if the player moves past him in the alley, he warns the apprentice of someone who “will return, uninvited. he will offer you a gift, when you need it most... turn it away. or you will fall into his hand... just like the rest of us” --- it is unknown who he’s referring to

if the player tells him to move in the alley, his warning changes slightly; he says “he will offer you an escape” instead

smells strongly of myrrh; the small leather pouch left on the stoop of the apprentice’s shop smelled of myrrh as well, which the apprentice notes, so it was likely left there by muriel

if the player seeks muriel out before portia’s announcement, asking him where he’s going, muriel answers, “blindly to the slaughter. just like the rest of you”

he later adds: “it doesn’t matter what i say. my words won’t last. they never do”

PORTIA

“trusted handmaiden with a penchant for snooping”

sister of julian (who refers to her as pasha); the two of them haven’t seen each other in years

handmaiden to nadia, and is faithful to her, however her loyalties are skewed due to her relation to julian, which is a secret none know

she is presumably known to be the countess’ favourite servant by the cityfolk

no one apart from her had known of nadia’s plan of hosting another masquerade prior to nadia announcing it during dinner, however she didn’t know nadia plans to capture and kill julian as well

had a tearful reunion with julian at the apprentice’s shop, as well as a conversation with him the apprentice isn’t privy to

snoops on the apprentice’s second meeting with asra at the fountain; depending on the player’s choice, she learns asra and the apprentice are secretly seeing each other via magic and there may be something romantic between them, or that they have feelings for each other and that asra has removed the apprentice’s memories (and has done so before as well)

for now, portia has decided to keep the above information to herself

MISCELLANEOUS

as explained by asra, anyone can do magic, for it is the will to make what you desire reality

the apprentice is believed by asra to be powerful and gifted; nadia comments on this as well, however the apprentice thinks she has mistaken them for asra

BOOKS VI -

ASRA’S ROUTE

the apprentice can hear faust and recalls that “limited communication is possible” between a magician and their familiar; however faust isn’t their familiar, making their sudden communication implausible

the apprentice notices their name having been carved into the tree by the fountain, made by asra; they express confusion, as they have only known each other for a few years, yet the carving looks to be years old

faust shows flashbacks of asra’s time at the palace to the apprentice

in the first flashback, asra mentions julian (whom he refers to as ilya) has begun to think he likes him, although his true affections lie with the apprentice; when faust asks where they are, he answers “a place i can’t follow, yet”

faust leads them to the library, where various books seem to have asra’s magic on them

if the apprentice touches the big tattered tome, they experience a flashback between asra and muriel; muriel pleads asra not to go to the palace, however asra argues the palace has resources he needs

muriel says “and when he rips your heart out?” to which asra replies “he’ll have to get me, first. he’s weak and dying. what could he do? throw his medicine at me? he was dangerous once, i know, but i can handle him”

if the apprentice touches the elegant purple codex, they experience a flashback between asra and nadia; she’s finishing explaining the properties of a fern to asra, and warns him that it’s poisonous before he can try to eat it

if the apprentice touches the gilded monstrosity, they experience another flashback; this time, lucio is heard yelling at julian before julian exits his room; he had attempted to get rid of his plague by using leeches, which didn’t work

if the apprentice touches the alluring volume, they experience another flashback, this one between asra and the apprentice; asra is helping them pick what to wear for the upcoming masquerade

the apprentice expresses confusion over this; they don’t remember ever going to the masquerade with asra, as they didn’t know each other at the time

after touching an oversized red tome, named composium on the stupendencies of the fabric of the human form, the apprentice experiences a flashback between asra and julian

in it, julian’s feelings for asra are clear, however asra is not interested

julian warns asra he shouldn’t keep slacking off and try to actively search for a cure to the red plague, as the count will die without it, and julian is worried “he’ll take you with him"

asra ignores his warnings and leaves, with julian resolving to “make him see reason”

the apprentice is confused about the nature of their relationship and, depending on the player’s choice, can attempt to find out more about them

if the player chooses “i need to see it”, they see a vision of the past wherein julian goes to the shop to speak to asra

when julian asks about what he’s doing in the backroom, asra says it’s “just a magic trick” that is “something from one of those ridiculous tomes”

asra asks if he wants to help, to which julian agrees eagerly; asra draws blood from julian’s hand and, when asked what he used the blood for, says “i’m not sure. i won’t know until it happens. perhaps nothing, perhaps...”

asra warns he can’t give julian what he wants, however julian assures him he’s fine with that; the two then first engage in what appears to be a purely sexual relationship

the apprentice thinks about their memory loss; their first memory is of meeting asra and beyond that there is nothing, any attempt to remember results in headaches

asra has always told them not to try and remember the past, and they have apparently not spoken much about it afterwards

when the apprentice seeks out to asra, he says “i think you’re ready now” and encourages them to reach into the fountain and take his hand

he then pulls them to where he is, which he refers to as an oasis, “a gateway, from one world into the next”

if the player has the apprentice ask why he didn’t tell them about their missing past before, he admits he tried to trigger their memories, but the apprentice would always go catatonic and would only “go back to normal” if he took the memories away again; he kept trying, in a variety of different ways

later, a shadow in the oasis calls to the apprentice, only for asra to stop them from listening to the call; when they turn back, the growing darkness and the shadow are gone

JULIAN’S ROUTE

portia admits that julian is her brother, and if asked, reveals she didn’t know he was back in vesuvia and has no idea why

the apprentice notices red in the banks and stream near a small, isolated part of the palace; the trees nearby are dying as a result

they follow the stream, which leads to one of many aqueducts that provide water for vesuvia’s citizens; “crimson poison” is in the city’s water supply, unbeknownst to anyone

when the apprentice brings this up to julian, he dismisses it and calls it “harmless” as the red plague is over

julian explains that asra cursed julian as a “parting gift”: he can now heal a person’s injuries, however he experiences their injury for a short time as a consequence

julian and the apprentice hide in the house of a person named mazelinka; we learn he often hides there when evading the palace guards

if the player asks julian why he came back, he explains he needs answers and wants to find out the truth; he adds he’d like to ask asra some questions

if the player asks julian if he killed the count, he replies that he asks himself the same thing, before admitting that he doesn’t remember if he did

NADIA’S ROUTE

nadia reveals to the apprentice that her constant headaches are because she has memory loss; whenever she tries to remember something, a headache stops her

she doesn’t remember the count whatsoever, though does know she was married to him for a long time, and the last thing she remembers is moving to vesuvia (which was years ago)

the apprentice informs her of their own memory loss, and that they had dealt with headaches themself before; they realize their shared loss of memories can’t be a coincidence

what nadia has learned so far: julian was seen escaping from count lucio’s room while it was on fire by multiple eyewitnesses; he later confessed to killing the count, only to escape from the dungeon the night before he was to be executed for the crime

nadia’s currently keeping her missing memories a secret; only portia---and now the apprentice---knows the truth

nadia and the apprentice learn from consul valerius, who was in the count’s wing on the night of lucio’s murder, that the courtiers (praetor vlastomil, pontifex vulgora, procurator volta, and quaestor valdemar) were there before him

he recounts that julian was inside the bedroom, and the courtiers were “shrieking things as they gathered around the door. at first [he] assumed they were after the doctor. some of the things they said... [he] remember[s] one. ‘he won’t get away with this.’ [he] assumed...”

the reason behind the courtiers’ presence in the wing is unknown, apart from valdemar’s as he was head physician; they were attempting to enter the count’s room when julian came outside, however the courtiers didn’t try to arrest him until valerius revealed himself

valerius confirms the count was one of the last victims of the red plague, however this was kept secret; the count invited experts to the palace as he wanted the cure for himself

if asked why he went to the count’s rooms, valerius becomes visibly uncomfortable and does not answer the question

portia informs the apprentice how some time after count lucio’s death, nadia “entered a deep sleep”; when portia began working at the palace, nadia had been asleep for almost a year

three months ago, nadia suddenly and inexplicably woke up, which coincides with her memory loss

as said earlier, if you find / know anything integral to the plot that’s not mentioned before, or if you believe i may have made a mistake somewhere, do contact me and let me know! :)

[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.