#so i feel like it’s not even worth it but at the same time i do need money bc the timing of this was terrible

[the4n4juggalo]

so you want a coach?

tw: mentions of dubious consent

fine, if you want to put yourself in harms way i can't stop you, let this post be a warning.

a lot of you guys think that sending nudes is special

"im willing to send nude bodychecks so its ok!"

no, it's not

they won't be satiated with that

nude bodychecks are something that is demanded multiple times a week. some coaches dont even care for nudes because in reality they're waiting for you to fuck up, because then they have a reason to punish you.

90% of the time, this will be harming or humiliating yourself in a sexual way. slowly they'll push, making these punishments more extreme and sometimes even more public

and now you feel bound to this person because they have multiple naked pictures of you at their discretion

you try to say no and back away

"but you'll spiral"

"sorry, i thought you cared about being skinny"

your weight loss isn't their main priority

a person with an ed is vulnerable, so they use that vulnerability to make you tied to them send them sexual things as a form of punishment

and in return they watch you lose your curves and slowly become even more attracted to you as you start to look more and more like a child

running this blog has made me come across people like that. constantly. it's the same formula every god damn time

but if you being skinny is really worth sacrificing your entire identity, then go ahead

- anon

[phantomspren]

I was just going to put this in tags but I'll put it here.

This is why I'm uncomfortable when people make sweeping generalizations about conservatives/Republicans.

On a fundamental level, I do disagree with the political beliefs that lead people to holding those labels.

But at the same time, there's such a huge difference between someone who is Republican because they think that we should have lower taxes, and someone who is Republican because they think rich white men are the only people worthy of rights.

When we make those blanket statements of "every Republican is racist" or whatever, we're making it less likely that those people are going to do stuff like this. Often it leads to people doubling down on their beliefs, even if they are inherently harmful.

You also have people like my mom. She is a registered Republican, born and raised in Idaho, super super Mormon.

She's a registered Republican because she thinks that society should be built to promote the family and help families thrive.

But she also supports universal healthcare.

I tell her all the things I think are cool about Harris and Walz and she's always like "wow, yeah, that is really cool!"

She's a high school teacher and because of that now supports gun control.

She doesn't give a shit that I'm aroace. (Haven't talked about gender stuff but I'd feel pretty comfortable bringing it up at this point to be honest.)

The thing is that the public/left awareness of the Republican party has shifted, following the people who are in power. Because those in power are getting more extreme.

There are people who have always held really extreme right-wing beliefs.

There are people like many who are voting for Trump who used to be less extreme, but have followed those in positions in power in gradually making their views more extreme.

There are those like my mom and dad who have some not great but far more reasonable beliefs who feel like the Republican party no longer represent them.

It's important to talk about those problematic beliefs that people like my parents hold, but at the end of the day they are genuinely good people. They've got internalized racism and homophobia and misogyny just like everyone else, but they're still good people.

Honestly even most hardcore Trump supporters are good people. (My grandparents voted for him! They're some of the kindest people I know!)

But if we just throw everyone under the label of "Republican" and then assume that includes things like homophobe, white supremacist, etc, you're going to end up with a lot of people who don't want to get behind what you're behind.

It's so much better, in my experience, to build a report, built trust, try to genuinely understand where the other person is coming from. I've talked to my Trump voting grandparents about trans people and they listened to me. I may not have changed their minds, but they have at least seen that other side from someone they respect.

That's going to go a whole lot more good in the long run than just calling them Republican and never talking to them again.

Of course there's more nuance than this, and if someone has like genuine beliefs that. Really really not great. Dump their ass. It's not worth it. There's a difference between someone who's a white supremacist because that's what they deeply believe, and someone who's just parroting what they saw elsewhere. The later deserve time and understanding, because they have the potential to turn into the former but aren't there yet.

And of course there are people like my mom. If she took a political compass quiz it would tell her she's liberal, hands down. Still a registered Republican.

Anyways, these are thoughts I've had for a bit and maybe I'll write something later that's a bit more planned out. Hope that makes sense.

And there's just a ton of nuance here that I can't get into because I've almost hit my time limit on Tumblr and I need to go take an exam. Plus it's dumb to expect me to elaborate on every possible way this could be misinterpreted. Just assume I kinda know what I'm talking about please, unless I accidentally said something blatantly incorrect. O7

Please vote tomorrow.

Be compassionate.

Imagine those around you complexly.

Think about my mom. :p

Have a cat picture for the road.

i'm a huge fan of Republicans, conservatives or however you want to be politically labeled choosing country over party. please let me see more stories. it's a brave thing to do this. even if you voted for him in both 2016 & 2020 but you changed your mind now, WELCOME. it's a massive deal to get out of any cult successfully & MAGA is no different. being filled with anger & hatred, & fear is intoxicating & honestly easier than choosing to do the right thing. i'm glad you saw the light.

check your registration status often & don't stop talking about Project 2025. they can pretend they're distancing themselves from it as much as they want but it's absolutely their policy. we can do this though if we just show up & VOTE. we got this 💙

[aricarianis]

CW: explicit depictions of violence and sexual themes.

John Price was the love of your life. Love is a powerful force—capable of building or destroying—and what you shared kept you bound to him for years. But only having his rough hands on your skin for a few months at a time, hearing his gruff voice say sweet nothings over the phone, missing the feel of his beard grazing your neck as his words seeped into you like venom, all wore down the foundations of what a real relationship was supposed to be.

He knew it. He felt the same sick ache in his chest every time he promised to come home soon, both of you aware it was a lie. He’d promised to slow down, to leave the job, to stay by your side, but the marriage you ended up with wasn’t the one you’d signed up for. You didn’t want a husband who vanished for months on end. When he returned, he’d devour you, craving your body like a hard drug. His hands too eager to find your sweet spots, cock too hungry to make you forget that he had lied. He'd push you into constant moments of bliss, tricking, but even his passion couldn’t erase the truth: he’d lie again.

In time, your marriage went where so many do. When he was handed the divorce papers at the base, he still tried to attack the process server. You wanted out, and nothing he did would change it—not refusing to sign, not tearing the papers up, not skipping court. You weren’t his anymore.

Life carried on, with months passing and, as usual, not a word from John. You thought losing the love of your life would be agony enough, but his indifference only added to the torment. Part of you wished you’d never met him; never knowing love would’ve been worth never knowing this pain.

The night before the hearing, you invited your lawyer to your flat to go over last-minute instructions. As the meeting wound down, a low, metallic sound came from the bedroom.

“Did you hear that?” you asked. He shook his head.

The two of you sat in tense silence for a moment, dread prickling at you. Your lawyer offered to check the bedroom, but you dismissed it, assuring him it was probably nothing. The meeting continued until, just before leaving, he asked to use the restroom. You directed him to the en suite, since the guest bathroom had stopped working that morning.

Lost in thought, you noticed several minutes had passed without him returning. Concerned, you called his name. No answer. Yelled. Still no answer. Your chest tightened, dread spreading through you like poison. Gripping the hunting knife John had given you for protection, you made your way to the bedroom.

“You can put that thing down, love. ‘S just me.” The gruff voice sent a shiver down your spine—unmistakable.

You peeked into the dark room, spotting the familiar silhouette against the dim light from the window. “John? H-how did you find me?”

“Why’d I have to find you in the first place?” His tone was cold, anger simmering beneath restraint.

“I needed space,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “Single people live alone.”

“You know damn well you aren't single.”

“I’ve been single ever since I married you.”

Your words cut deep. His shoulders slumped as he sighed, hurt etched on his face.

“Where’s my lawyer?” you asked, searching the shadows.

“He’s not our problem anymore.”

“John…” Your breath hitched. “What did you do?”

“Someone’s trying to take you from me, innit? Was it him?”

“Where is he?”

“Think a piece of paper’ll keep me from you?” His voice dripped with rage.

“Why do you care? You love your job more than you love me—”

“Don’t say that.”

“I understand, John, but this wasn’t the marriage I was promised. I’d rather have none of you than pieces,” you said, your voice thick. “At least then I wouldn’t have to lie to myself that I’ll ever have you whole.”

He breathed heavily, brow furrowing as if struggling to comprehend your words.

"Why can't you just admit you've fucked up and leave me alone, huh? You had months to pull this little stunt—it's too late to care now."

John’s expression went blank, unreadable. He lunged, disarming you with practiced ease, gripping you by the hair and throwing you onto the bed. Your back hit something solid, unfamiliar beneath the covers.

He flicked on the light, and before your eyes adjusted, he was above you, pressing the knife to your throat. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his beard scratching your skin, hunger corroding him from within.

Instinctively, you turned to the side, seeking something to help you escape. Instead, you saw your lawyer’s lifeless, bloodshot eyes staring back, ones that had met yours with empathy so many times, reassuring you that everything would be okay. His neck twisted at a grotesque angle, lips slack in a silent scream.

“I’ll hunt you down forever, love,” John whispered, his voice carrying all the rage and obsession you overlooked for years.

Tears streamed down your cheeks, your breathing erratic, heart thundering. He pulled back, holding your gaze with a look that seared into your soul, his mouth twisting into a cruel smile.

“Doesn’t matter what you think,” he murmured, voice dangerously soft. “I will always be the love of your life.”

[starmapz]

you know, i wasn't going to make a post about this so as not to give this anon the satisfaction of a response, but they've been blocked so they won't see this anyway and i think there's a bigger issue to address here.

i want to start by saying that i've got thick skin and this doesn't affect me in the way they clearly would like it to. it says much more about them than it does about me and i've got bigger fish to fry than some insecure anon.

what i DO want to address is the fact that i've seen more and more posts popping up lately about how some people need to be nicer to authors and while this applies not just to authors but to everyone, i do feel it's worth mentioning that in all honesty i'm glad this came to me and not someone who may be put down by a message like this. i know the anon button tends to make some people much more bold but if at any point you ever think of sending anon hate to someone, maybe take a moment to consider how foolish of a notion that is.

on the topic of authors in particular, please bear in mind that we do this for free, in our spare time. i work a full time job, this is just a fun hobby for me. imagine if you shared your hobby with the world and someone anonymously told you it was bad, how would that make you feel? i'm quite fortunate that this sort of thing doesn't get to me but that doesn't make it any nicer of a message.

on a much lighter and somewhat unrelated note, i also received a very nice text from a wrong number around the same time as i read this message, so i think they cancel one another out lmao. just thought that was funny.

anyway, sorry for the much more serious post than my usual content, but please, as a reminder, be nice to authors, and for that matter be nice to everyone. you never know what someone else is going through, and even if you do, it's no excuse to be hateful or rude.

[great-now-im-confused]

Look shit is going to get bad. It's always going to get bad. But with that it means it'll get better too. What's good and bad is different for everyone. Many things that are bad for you know might stay that way. But many of them will also progress and change and actually get better. Beyond that thought, if you stay and you fight, you will get better. Maybe it is your family that'll always be crazy, maybe the political world will be beyond bleak for the foreseeable future, but if you stay you'll be able to see the things that will improve and will be good. I know so many of us have so much on our plates right now and the results of yesterday and dreadful. But please stay. I promise it'll be worth it.

Sure everything you hope for might not happen but you'll never get to know the things that WILL if you stay. I know the point of this post is mostly to address the dread many of us feel after the election. And I fully get it trust me I do. But as someone who has made that choice before and I am so grateful it didn't work for me to be able to still be here I want to share a few things.

"it gets better" is both right and wrong in my opinion. Yes sometimes the things that have you down so bad that you walk that path can absolutely get better. Sometimes they don't though and while that sucks it's okay. Because as I said before, YOU get better. (Not to run into "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" stuff because I get it, why do we have to be strong) You grow, you learn, you change. And with that growth and change your state of mind often changes too. Admittedly my life isn't too different from when I reached that point, but it's also so much better in so many ways. I'll use my family for an example. My family is so chaotic it's overwhelming and that hasn't changed, what has changed though is my ability to cope with it. I am still the one everyone runs to to fix problems. I still try to fix those problems more than I probably should, but I have started to learn to say no and to put up boundaries with them. So while yes it hasn't changed for the most part the growth I've had within myself has allowed me some space from all the chaos and it's truly helped me.

Then there's things like medication and therapy that's has helped immensely along the way. And I fully understand that not everyone has the same access to things I have been lucky enough to have along the way as the journey is different for everyone. And especially given the outcome of yesterday those things may become even harder to obtain for others. But I will say I also thought a lot of those things were out of my reach and I started asking the right questions and made it a little father (again this won't be true for everyone but hopefully will be able to at least a few)

I reached a standstill with progressing in my career because I didn't know what to do next. One day I got super lucky and met a new person who gave me so much guidance (more than I think they know) and it reignited my passion for my goals (again I know I am super lucky to find myself in that situation). My point with that is we have to be able to reach each other because you never know who you can help (with something that may be simple to you) and who can help you. You don't get to experience that if you're gone.

I'm not trying to get into my whole story or journey but I'm trying to share enough that it makes sense and is understood when I say I know what it feels like to be that low and I know what it feels like to overcome it. So please trust me on that.

I know things are scary right now. So much is uncertain and on the line. But you won't fix it by overly stressing about it and you won't fix anything is you don't stay. Times are going to get challenging and it's going to get hard and rough, but we will always be able to do something about it, especially together. So I can't help you if I leave and you can't help me if you go.

So take some time to process you frustration, your grief, and your fears. Then when you're ready take a deep breath and be prepared. Be prepared to take action. Figure out what is most important to you that you fear will change with the coming times. It could be your number 1 thing it could be a top 3-10 depending on what you have the energy for. And. Then start to learn. What can you do to help, what can you do to make a change, how can you make a difference. Then make a plan. When we all taken action things will start to be okay again.

But we can't inform each other if we're not here. We can't help if we're not here. Like OP said times have been bad before throughout history and humans have survived and we'll survive this. If you need a reminder and it won't mess you up too much look into the things people have preserved through (try not to focus too much on those tragically lost to those times because that won't help in this situation)

I know this is long and has gone all over the place but I needed to get this out because it's just part of everything swirling in my mind lately. So, sorry is it's a little hard to understand my points, if you'd like to reach out to discuss any of it with me if gladly try to be more clear on some of it I just was trying to not fully take over OP's post with my response (which I know I more than likely have by now, SORRY OP) this post just resonated with me and everything started flowing. So please just stay even if it means me typing all of this out was worth it and because you are worth it and we will work together to make it better

I hope none of you disappear in the coming days. Seriously don't do anything that can't be undone.

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

I love Spike so much. He's the most character of all time. But it's more than that. He's more than bleached hair, a pretty face, and bloodlust. He makes sense. The character makes sense.

He's William. He's still, despite it all, William Pratt, the god-awful poet and pathetic wet cat of a man under the thumb of mommy his whole life. He just wants to be loved and held and to satiate his unending bloodlust. He's not the big bad. He's pathetic.

He's burnt out on all the plots and schemes. Plots and schemes are Angel's thing. Serving some grand evil purpose is Darla's thing. Cruelty is Drusilla's thing. William Pratt is a poet and a mama's boy who just wants a strong woman to love him and tell him what to do. He's tired. He's so tired of the plots and schemes.

Sure, he knows how to have a good time, he plays kitten poker and sells demon eggs to the highest bidder but that's a matter of making money or hanging out with friends. It's not what he WANTS. The only thing he wants is to be loved by someone who loves him back. The problem is, he's toxic and obsessive. He doesn't fall in love. He becomes consumed. His whole world revolves around the object of his obsession. So when he's with Drusilla, he's the big bad evil guy doing schemes. Trying to impress her with extreme violence and death. Because that's what Drusilla is into. Torture and death. She's Catholic. And a vampire.

He also tries to impress Angel by killing Slayers because Angel is into Slayers and Angel and Spike canonically slept together don't at me. This man is bisexual.

When he's with Buffy he's a loyal dog. A bad boy, a part of the demonic world, but a dog nonetheless. He's a soulless monster but his obsession with Buffy turns him into one of the good guys. It's not natural for him. He feels it happening and he fights against it, but he's madly in love with her and he will be and do whatever it takes to impress her and make her love him back. He's obsessive.

He knows it, and he doesn't like that side of himself. He doesn't like that he's a pathetic dog. Sometimes he pushes against that side of himself. He tries to be a good person, for real. Not just a pathetic stalker of a man.

But he can't fight it. He is what he is.

And unfortunately that is a soulless vampire.

Hence that one scene that I pretend didn't happen.

But despite being definitionally evil, he can't stop being consumed the person he's obsessed with. Buffy wants him to have a soul. She wants him to not be the monster he is. So he rips William Pratt from his grave and resurrects him for her. He goes through hell to put his soul back inside his body for her. It takes her a long time to accept him again after what he did.

But he's the good boy now. He's a good dog.

Only she doesn't see him that way. In the end, he has her trust. Her love. She cares about him and sees him as her equal. As someone she can trust. She can't trust her friends because they're messy and constantly fucking up and betraying her because they don't understand what it is to be The Slayer. To have a human body and a human soul, with demonic power inside, and the divine mandate to sacrifice yourself for others, to save the world. No matter what that does to you.

Spike has a human soul, a demon inside him, trauma, and a divine mission to save the world. To sacrifice himself for everyone.

Spike is the only one who understands Buffy, and maybe the only one who ever will.

He's the perfect culmination of all her other relationships.

He fucks. Unlike Angel, Spike can fuck. He can experience joy alongside her.

He respects her strength and isn't emasculated or intimidated by the fact that she's stronger than him. He loves that she defeated a god. Unlike fucking Riley.

He's lived lifetimes worth of traumatic experiences. But he isn't currently experiencing an ongoing mental health crisis like Faith was.

And he likes poetry!

They even have the same ex boyfriend!

In conclusion He and Buffy are both the most character of all time and the narrative's favorites and therefore they are both perfect for each other and have the potential to be extremely toxic together and I'm so happy for them, I hope she pegs him, I know he would love that.

[blu3n]

BAD JOKE

Summary: For some reason you chose this bet with Dick but everything went wrong, it wasn't supposed to happen...

Word Count: 3.640

Tags/Notes + Pairing: Jason x reader, Dick grayson + angst, + fluff?

A/N: oh My god, this is a new lake, I'm changing my themes and I hope you like the new style, please comment if you liked it, I'll bring more like these. There may be spelling mistakes, English is not my native language

NOTICE: This story is completely mine. If there are some nonsense words. "catalina" or something like that. It's originally mine! I make stories using my OC and after that I remove them replacing them with (you), yes I write on Wattpad too. Please. Don't suffocate the artist.

( ଳ )

You don't even know what was going on when you accepted that stupid bet with Dick, maybe it was the strong drink or you just wanted to join the Wayne family in a bizarre way (?).

"Okay, if he doesn't punch me I'll see you, Dick, I don't know what was going on when I accepted that" your voice was a low whisper, trying to keep your boyfriend from hearing.

Dick wanted you to go out on a recording to see if you kept your promise, but we know he just wanted to see Jason's look of despair anyway.

( ଳ )

After waiting for what seemed like hours, Jason finally showed up, he was wearing a sweatshirt on the bottom and a red coat. baby" his voice was neutral, however, you knew he wanted to hide that he was happy to see you. You needed to be strong so you held back the urge to run and kiss him madly.

When you didn't come and give him your welcome kiss, Jason raised his eyebrow and cleared his throat before throwing himself at your side, stealing a kiss from your lips before looking at you affectionately.

"I came to see you, you have the same face when the Waynes see me" he lets out the sarcastic comment before smiling sideways.

Jason goes back to kissing your neck.Giving them affectionate kisses. Begging deep down that he hadn't done something bad that made you upset.

"I need to... tell you something" your tense voice is like you pushed him away from two caresses, it makes your stomach turn internally. However, he tries not to bring it up, maybe you were just having a bad day or something like that...

"Speak, Kitten..." acting carefree he opens your legs, trying to look relaxed or like you didn't care how serious you seemed, but inside your chest was a whirlwind of emotions. He was anxious for you not to say what he thought you would say.

"Listen... I..." inhaling the air from your lungs tensely to make everything worse. You were gathering courage, you didn't know how he would react, it crossed your mind if it was worth continuing with that boring joke. However, with the mischievous(and terrible) training that you have! You continued.

"I'm sorry, I don't regret it for a single moment in my life, I swear, I love you, but I... I can't continue with you."

Suddenly Jason's throat closed and it was hard to breathe. He stood forward, putting both hands on his chin, he didn't say anything, not a single word, he just stared at you. When he tried to speak, his voice betrayed him, coming out broken and distressed.

"Right now....- right now that I've started to love you?" That made you widen your eyes and immediately feel like a monster.

"I..." You couldn't say anything else "I'm sorry" You try to recover the damage, not wanting to continue anymore, everything stopped in a single second Jason was already barely holding back his tears of anger and hatred.

Jason's body shakes as he tries to form words, but only ragged breaths and broken syllables escape his lips. He can't speak, can't do anything but hold on to her for dear life.

"I...I-" he gasps out in a strangled voice, then lets out another ragged sob. It's the first time he's ever shown this kind of vulnerability, the raw pain and desperation laid bare for her to see. He clings to you tighter, like a drowning man desperate for a lifeline.

You also stand up, panicking "Jason, I'm sorry!" As you tried to explain that it was a lie, you saw him cry. You saw him grit his teeth and point at you.

Desperate you pulls her face away from his neck, wanting to look at him, "My gosh, forgive me," she says, widening you eyes and wiping his eyes with you trembling hands before falling to crying next to him. He was a broken man, a terrible broken man, he needed someone... maybe her.

"IT'S A JOKE!" You say immediately, before seeing the previously angry expression now confused. you grab the phone camera showing it to him before it turns off completely losing the video.

Jason's tears continue to flow, the weight of his pain and trauma almost too much for him to bear. The sight of you crying alongside him makes his heart ache even more, but he also finds a strange sort of comfort in it, like he's not alone in his suffering.

He reaches out desperately, his hand searching for hers, and when he finds it, he grips it tightly, his fingers trembling as he tries to hold onto her.

His hands run over your face

Wiping the tears from your eyes before pulling you to him and crying on his shoulder you've never seen him act like this. as she drenched him in kisses as you listened to his dry sobs in his throat, whispering apologies in his ear.

Jason doesn't let her get far, his arms still holding her tightly against him. He feels a pang of disappointment when she pulls away, but the feeling of her lips on his ear sends a shiver down his spine.

He tightens his grip on you, burying his face in the crook of her neck. "Don't apologize," he mutters against her skin, his voice a rough, hoarse whisper. He presses a kiss to the spot where her shoulder meets her neck, as if he can't get enough of her. Jason's ragged breaths slowly start to even out as you pulls his forehead against hers, the simple gesture of their skin touching like a lifeline anchoring him to reality. You apology rings in his ears, a mix of guilt and understanding.

He keeps his eyes closed, his body still trembling with the aftermath of his breakdown. "I...," he starts to say, his voice hoarse. "I don't want to lose you..."

you covered him in kisses, so many kisses while you swore you would never play like that again.

(ଳ).

[leighsartworks216]

Clair de Lune

Sylus x gn!Reader

Typed this up instead of doing my hw, which I now am staying up late to do 👍

Warnings: none, just fluff

Word Count: 591

Main Masterlist

Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

Sylus peeks his eyes open for a brief moment. He sighs, tilting his head back against the armchair. “What are you doing all the way over there, kitten?” he murmurs, voice low and gravely. He opens his arm and flicks his fingers in a beckoning motion. “Come here.”

Your stuff hits the ground with a heavy thud. Even without the weight, you’re hunched over in exhaustion. Your muscles hurt, your bones hurt, your very soul hurts. The time it took to get to the N109 Zone almost felt like it wouldn’t be worth it.

That is, until you miserably cross the floor and squeeze yourself into the chair with Sylus. He supports you with one hand, drawing you into his lap and against his chest like he needs you right there to survive. You melt against him with a sigh, slipping your hand into the v–shaped neckline of his sweater to rest it over his heart, beating slower right now than usual as he rests. You bury your face into his shoulder, eyes closed and mind shut off in favor of letting him wash over you.

He smells the spice and warmth, like a fire after being in the snow or a hot drink after a long day. It completely envelops you. It floods your senses until it’s all you can smell.

His hand squeezes your hip affectionately where he holds you. Fingers work silently to pull up the hem of your shirt enough to slip his hand inside, where it simply rests against your skin. With his strong arm around your back, you’ve never felt so secure, and yet it’s the same way you feel every time you’re in his mere presence. His head shifts to rest on yours. It’s probably not comfortable for his neck, but he doesn’t stop.

His chest rises and falls under you, lifting your hand with each inhale, and lowering it with every exhale. The quiet sound of each breath washes over your ear like waves on a beach. Like a lullaby or the sound of the ocean, it slows your own breathing down and eases your heart to beat slower.

Even with your eyes closed, you feel the weight of your eye bags weighing them down. Your shoulders release the built up tension held within them. And yet sleep diligently evades your attempts to grasp it. You desperately reach out for it, but it never comes. You huff quietly, heart picking up again in your mounting frustration.

Sylus rubs his thumb along your ribs, his nose nuzzling against your head. “Would the bed be better?” he asks.

You hum, a whiny and annoyed sound. “Probably,” you say, “but I don’t wanna move.”

“That makes two of us.” He sighs softly through his nose as he wraps his other arm under your knees. Despite both of your desires to stay put, he knows you’ve been up for much too long. You need your sleep, and he wants to make sure you get it, even though he should just be getting up at this hour. He lifts you up without any trouble as he stands.

Cradled in his arms, the gentle rocking of his steps further draws you down into sleep. When he lays you down in his large bed, you’re on the precipice. And when he lays down next to you, wrapping you in his arms and hooking his leg over yours, burying his face in your neck and breathing you in, you finally fall. Down, down, down, into the sweet embrace of sleep.

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter

[valenteal]

Alright I see what you’re saying about the headcanons (which are not head canons so much a inferences from the information we have) BUT I have to clarify that multiple psychologists have explained that yes Anakin Skywalker has bpd. He has enough prominently visible symptoms to be clinically diagnosed if he were a real person. This is a fact.

Yes, some Jedi get glimpses of the future, or the past, but that is in no way the same thing as fully experiencing time in a non linear fashion.

I didn’t say that Jedi had ready access to that 4th dimensional view of reality, I said that the Force gives them a glimpse of what it could be like. we literally used the same word to describe it. I’m getting this from Yoda’s lines about how Jedi are luminous beings. But I'm also not just using the movies. (I'll get into my view on Clone wars in canon shortly.) It can be inferred also from everything we know about the Cosmic Force. Basically the Cosmic Force is that fourth time dimensional view of the universe while the Living Force is the fourth SPACE dimensional view of the universe. Sorry I’ve been being a physics nerd for the past few days all this is fresh in my head right now. Point is, the Jedi truly don’t see time as a linear thing even if they are for the most part confined to the present. They see something having existed in the past as never disappearing because the past is fixed and nothing can change that. The past still exists and thus everything that existed in the past will always exist and that is how they justify not feeling grief over loss.

And I want to be clear on something: I do consider the majority of Clone Wars to be canon and I do take quite a bit from Legends as well so not everything I say comes from the movies. But as a writer I do not see Clone Wars Anakin’s characterization as faithful due to stupid things like pandering to the audience who didn’t want to confront things like the complexity an nuance of mental health and toxic environments and relationships. Everything else, the characterization of others like Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Windu? The characters who didn’t get a ton of hate after the prequels were released? That’s all fine. It’s just Padmé and Anakin who suffered from deliberately butchering their character.

So all the Mortis arc, Yoda’s season 6 adventure to become one with the cosmic force and all the implications that go with it? Canon. The Jedi Council’s treatment of Anakin? Canon.

Exactly one Jedi made a big deal about Anakin being the Chosen One: Qui-Gon. That's it. The Jedi don't treat Anakin any different than any other member of their order.

This is patently false. His admission into the order was debated by the full council in front of him. That is extremely irregular. and even once he was admitted into the order he was at the level of Palawan at a young age and skipping the initiate phase. He grew up knowing that most of the council didn't want him there. Mace in particular made it pretty damn clear he didn't like Anakin.

We also know that Anakin was powerful beyond anything the Jedi had ever seen. it can be inferred that they would react more strongly to his emotional volatility than they do with other Jedi who aren't already seen as dangerous.

...I'm not sure what you expect the Jedi to do about that? Qui-Gon died, and Padme was a Queen who had to go back to her own planet.

Well they certainly could have handled it better than they did! Maybe it wasn't their fault but it was their responsibility to help him learn to properly cope. And it wasn't just that Padmé had to return to Naboo, Anakin literally wasn't allowed to be in communication with her, which I'm pretty sure was explicitly stated in Queen's Shadow.

That was a choice that Anakin made. Sidious didn't force his hand. Anakin made the decision that the chance of saving Padme - from a fate he didn't know for sure she'd experience! - was worth betraying the Jedi, worth murdering younglings, worth overthrowing the Republic and turning it into an Empire.

Now this. This is complicated. Because on a certain level you are correct. But he also wasn't in his right mind. He'd been fighting a war for months, hadn't slept in days, was being heavily manipulated, his entire support system was absent, and he was splitting all at the same time. and if you pay attention you'll notice that he resisted very very well. it was not easy for Palpatine to manipulate him into that situation. to even get Anakin to the point where he was mentally unstable enough to turn to the dark side took over TEN YEARS of manipulation. And after that it was actually the Jedi who played the ground work for him to continue making those choices after he became Vader. because the Jedi teach that once you fall theirs no going back, which is provably false but Anakin didn't know that. you may also notice that it didn't actually take much for Vader to return to the light side. Simply having one person believe in him was enough.

Addressing the bit about him not knowing for sure Padmé would die, I have to point out that even from Phantom Menace Anakin shows extreme reliability when predicting the near future. and he touted the dreams about his mother and as a result she died. If he'd responded to this vision just a few days, heck even hours, earlier Shmi could have survived.

That's why I call Anakin selfish and possessive. Because ultimately, he didn't care about Padme's feelings or opinions.

And this is where we come back to the BPD, which again is NOT a head canon but the opinion of multiple psychologists and people with BPD.

Anakin greatly values Padmé's feelings and opinions most of the time. to an unhealthy degree. to the point where his self-image is reliant on her opinion of him.

He was in the midst of a splitting episode. Here's a definition:

Splitting is a symptom of BPD. It occurs when a person sees everything as black or white, good or bad, or best or worst. Splitting is a defense mechanism people living with BPD use to deal with emotions (such as the fear of abandonment) that they cannot handle.

That's what was going on. He was unable to reconcile Padmé being against the side he'd chosen and thus could only see it as a betrayal. I also have to point out that he didn't actually choke her that hard or for that long. Her struggles weren't nearly as frantic as the could've been and later the medical droid made it clear that the was nothing physically wrong with her. There didn't even seem to be any bruising. Padmé shouldn't have died. And Anakin shouldn't have survived. And the Force can be used to drain life energy and transfer it to another person. Palpatine wanted Anakin alive and isolated, so killing Padmé to keep him alive would have been the perfect strategy. Anyway that's getting into theory territory so I digress. The Point is Anakin didn't choose to disregard Padmé or her beliefs, I don't even know if he was cognizant at all of Sidious's plans or what they meant. All he could really see was a black and white view of his side vs. the Jedi.

As for the unconditional love you say he needed? Padme did love him unconditionally.

Which is exactly why he was so desperate to protect her. Even beyond the fact that he loved her she was literally the only person who gave him what he needed. She was his entire support system. If the Jedi had supported him the way he needed things might have turned out differently. If he'd felt safe actually asking for help and being open about the details of the situation the Jedi might actually have been able to do something about it. But when he did go and ask for help he was chastised for caring and wanting to save someone from a possibly preventable death. Which is so messed up. Yoda didn't even press for details about the nature of the death to determine the risk of doing something. just claimed that sometimes the harder you fight the future the more likely it becomes or something. I don't see how Padmé potentially seeing a Jedi healer could have made things worse.

In conclusion the Jedi Order and its Council made a Buch of huge screw up when it came to raising Anakin and it ended up killing them and literally driving him insane. His mental health was their responsibility and they didn't just drop the ball, they threw it.

"no attachments" in SW literally just means "don't be selfish and possessive". that's it. that's all there is. doesn't mean jedi can't have friends and loved ones. they can. just. don't be possessive and selfish about it. don't murder thousands of people in an effort to save one.

[kkuzushi]

“ 𝐊𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐨’𝐬 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 ”

✦ characters: Kabukimono x GN!Reader

✦ cw: sfw/fluff headcanon scenarios of Kabukimono’s firsts

✦ word count: 953

✦ notes: Hell week has dawned on me so this is made out of pure self indulgence. After my finals, I’ll get back to writing. <3

— First romantic relationship !

Relationships are difficult for Kabukimono. Not only is he inexperienced but he’s insecure of himself. His first betrayal always made him think he wouldn’t be enough for anyone, especially for you.

However, you showed him you didn’t care. That there was so much more about him that’s worth appreciating, admiring, loving.

“Are you sure? You know I’m just a puppet, a prototype. I’ll just fail in this relationship thing.”

You would cup his face every time you reassured him. “Even a puppet like you deserves love,” Your thumbs caress the delicate skin on his face, “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be here to teach you about anything and everything.”

“You mean that?” His eyes searching for any hint of deception, “You wouldn’t abandon me at any inconvenience?”

“Never.”

“Then.. if you’re willing to try, I am too.”

— First time holding hands !

During the first few times of your relationship with him, he’d make small improvements when it comes to affection, especially physical touch.

Kabukimono was surprised at the way you suddenly tugged his hand, fingers interlocking so perfectly. The way your fingers closed and molded with his; “Your hand.. It feels nice,” he comments.

Kabukimono takes your other hand, and once again, it intertwines without a fault. He smiled after discovering a way to connect with you. “Does it?” You ask, thumbs caressing his ball-joint knuckles.

He giggled, “Mhm, like it was made to hold mine.” Now embrace yourself for this puppet will hold your hand at every given opportunity.

— First time hugging !

Similar to when Kabukimono first found out about holding hands, he was just as surprised by this gesture. This was the closest proximity you had initiated with him yet, even better now that your arms are around his body. He can feel your heartbeat, the soft thumps.. It felt calming.

“What is this for?”

“A hug for you.”

“Oh. I like your hugs.”

Kabukimono reciprocates the action, his arms circling around your torso, lower than where yours are around him. He nuzzled you unknowingly, his ear heading straight for your chest.

Badump.. badump.. badump..

“What a beautiful sound,” the puppet thinks to himself.

— First time kissing !

Kisses aren’t foreign to Kabukimono. He sees other people in Tatarasuna doing it to their loved ones, influencing him to do the same to you. It first started out as hand kisses—whenever you two would hold hands, he’d lift yours up and kiss the back of your palm.

“Where did you learn that?” You first asked, chuckling at the sweet gesture. “I see other people doing it,” He admitted, “I figured I could do the same to you.”

These affections would become the norm for the two of you—cheek kisses, forehead kisses—after sharing this comfortable bond, you decided to initiate something new one day; a peck on his lips. If the puppet could, his face would turn red and explode.

“You kissed me! On my lips..?” Kabukimono exclaimed, moving a finger on his lips, the feeling of your kiss still lingering there. “But.. it feels a little different,” A hush confession slips before he perks at you, “Can we do that again?”

“One more. I just want to make sure..” He says, tugging on your sleeve. His reason almost sounded like an excuse, but who are you to deny such a curious being?

— First time sleeping together !

Not to lie, Kabukimono was giddy when he first got the opportunity to sleep together with you on the same bed. Holding hands, hugging, kissing.. all those were intimacy he was getting used to, but sleeping together on the same bed? It made something flutter in his chest.

After changing into your sleepwear, you approached the puppet sitting on your bed, legs already draped under the covers.

He smiles once you sit next to him on the bed. “How should we do this?” Kabukimono asked, to which you replied, “What do you mean?”

Sleeping isn’t something he needed, but you figured it wouldn’t be a weird thing to do together.

“I don’t want to hog all the space,” He says, “Maybe we should put a pillow in the middle?” He suggested as he took the extra pillow for his head and placed it between the two of you.

“Kabu..” You chuckled, removing the pillow that acted as a barrier. Arms wrapped around his delicate form as you tackled him down the mattress, his back pressed against you. “I don’t want anything to come between us,” You whisper, a pleasant tingle going through him.

The puppet turns to you, faces just inches away, but it felt so right. “When you put it like that.. how can I disagree?” He whispered, snuggling up to you, “You’ll be my blanket tonight then.”

— First time saying “I love you” !

Actions speak louder than words, that’s what Kabukimono believes in. As a puppet, he knows the difference between the two of you, but he’ll do anything to close those gaps.

When he first learned that three-word phrase from Niwa, he knew it wasn’t something he could say so easily. Kabukimono knew there was no much better proof of his love for you other than the affection and time he can offer.

It just slipped out of him—when you were going out to pick up some ingredients for dinner, the words came out of him like it was natural.

“Stay safe out there. I love you.”

It was said in a soft tone, his eyes creasing as he smiles at your departure. You stopped from your tracks.

“What was that?”

“Wait, that was accidental! I mean no, I do love you, but–”

Before the puppet could further explain himself, your laughter breaks out. “I love you too, Kabu.”

[st4rrzynight]

𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 — 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 – 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭– 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭, 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞, 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲/𝐧

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

five years. five years since i lost the love of my life. the woman i promised i was going to marry. the only woman who was there through thick and thin.

i lost her. i lost her to a man who buys her roses when her favorite flowers are tulips. a man who takes her out on dates to the bar when her ideal date is a restaurant.

a man who doesn't appreciate her worth, a man who will never know her the way i knew her. she was the love of my life and i refuse to let her go. he is not worthy enough of her beauty.

but i have to let her go. i have to accept that she is not the woman she once was back in high school. the woman who completed me.

it's my 5th year at uconn and i have promised myself to let her go, yet i can never seem to get her out of my mind. the way her brown hair frames her face so exquisitely, the way her brown eyes light up once the sun shines on her face so delicately enhancing her already beautiful features into something more.

all that travels through my mind when i see her with her boyfriend is 18 year old me back in high school. the day after she got sent away to god knows where, it was tragic. i tried calling her every second of the day, i went to her house only to be reprimanded by her parents.

i was told that i was the devil, i was satans spawn for implanting these sinful ideas into their perfect angels head. they never wanted to see me around their daughter again.

now five years later at 23 years old, i still feel everything i felt when i was eighteen. no distractions could ever tear away the pain and weight i feel in my heart from not being able to be with her.

i look in the mirror and all i see staring back at me is my eighteen year old self with the same look in her eyes.

its time, its time to move on and find someone new. speaking of someone new, i have started talking to a girl named gianna. she was beautiful. she has brown hair, brown eyes, beautiful inside and out.

but nothing can capture the sting of how y/n made me feel. she made me feel out of this world, and i don't think anyone will ever compare to her.

speaking of her, here she comes now, walking through campus hand in hand with her boyfriend, i stared in envy knowing i should be the one holding her hand. she looked happy, but i know deep down even if she doesn't realize it herself, that shes miserable.

she's not truly happy with him and i know it. the way she always distances herself from him, the most physical affection shes ever had with him out in public is holding his hand, and a mere hug, side hug at most.

but i could never blame her, no this is her parents fault. they sent her away and she came back a completely different person. she broke up with me, dropped all friends we had in common and acted as if i had never been in her life.

i'm tired of living life day by day without a proper explanation of why she did what she did, why she broke my heart, and why shes acting as if i don't even exist.

the moment i saw her alone and not with her boyfriend i took the opportunity to talk to her. i built up the courage to walk over to her and i tapped her on the shoulder.

the moment she turned around i could see shock and confusion spread through her face, she looked around for a second and she looked like she was about to walk away.

"wait, i know i'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but please y/n i at least want to know why, why so suddenly. i mean jesus i know it's been five years, but i loved you, so much." i rambled trying to keep her attention, tears forming in my eyes as i confessed my love for her once again.

i could see she looked conflicted, not knowing whether she should brush me off like she had always done or actually spare me a minute of her time to talk to me.

"i– i just– look, its nothing personal. five years ago we were still practically children. i didn't know what was best for me, my parents did they assured me of it." hearing her actually speak to me lifted a weight off my chest for a split second before it felt like it got dropped back on me 30 pounds heavier.

"what are you talking about? what do you mean 'your parents assured you of it?' what did they do?" i was scared, scared of what they did to her, what they said to her that made her go down this rabbit hole of forced heterosexuality.

"they wanted me to go down the right path and sent me to blue fire wilderness church camp. they fixed what was wrong with me, they made me realize that what we were doing was immoral and wrong, so please stop chasing after me, stop waiting for me because i got led down the right path and found my beautiful boyfriend, and you should try and go down the right path as well." hearing her tell me what happened, getting an explanation for the first time in years was a mix of emotions.

i felt refreshed for finally getting an explanation, then again i wanted to throw up right then and there for what the explanation was.

"conversion therapy, they sent you to conversion therapy y/n. can't you see that deep down if you never had any feelings for women you wouldn't have had to get sent to conversion therapy? they corrupted you and you don't even know it! i mean come on, i see the way you don't truly feel comfortable with your boyfriend, your body knows what you like and theres no changing that." i pleaded with her trying to get her to understand, wanting her to come to a realization that everything that was said to her was a lie.

she took a deep sigh frustration evident in her voice as she spoke to me, possibly for the last time ever.

"look, i need you to understand that i'm not a lesbian, i'm straight. i have a loving boyfriend that i'm going to marry, and you need to move on from whatever happened in high school. i was a dumb teenager who didn't know better and needed my parents to knock some sense into me. i don't know what you think you "see" but i love my boyfriend. please just leave me alone paige."

her words stabbed at my heart a thousand times over and over again as she kept speaking, my heart shattering even more with every sentence.

hearing her say my name for the first time in five years, and for the last time forever was emotional for me.

she walked away from me reuniting with her boyfriend as they walked away hand in hand once again.

i had lost her, forever.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 —

@mrsarnold @sweetluna20 @patscorner @tndaqlifwy @jadasogay

𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭! 𝐢𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠

[numinously-yours]

Choose a bird: How to be the best version of YOU

Thank you to those of you who messaged. I appreciate both your ideas AND your patience. I really thought things were settled down when I asked for your thoughts and then they ramped right back up. But here I am!

Choose a bird from above for a free reading. Today's topic: how to be the best version of yourself. I asked the cards three questions:

What does the best version of yourself look like (to you)?

What steps can you take on your journey to your best self?

How can you avoid getting caught up in others' perspectives?

Your choices are below! Like, reply, or reblog if it resonates, and tag your group if you feel inclined :)

Group 1: Aibo Tarot

What does the best version of you look like? Three of Wands

The best version of you is someone confident standing on their own. You may be dependent on other people for your happiness but you want so badly to be happy on your own. There is a fear that if you start your own journey that you won’t find other/more people that make you feel comfortable and safe.  I have a sense that the people you surround yourself with are simply fine, but they also don’t make you feel empowered to do your own thing or speak your differences. There is a lot of keeping the peace because that’s easier than being alone. It doesn’t mean these people are bad friends or negative influences necessarily, but you know there could be something more. You are longing to find that. You are longing to find yourself, too.

What steps can you take in the process? The Tower & The King of Pentacles

It’s time to create your own tower moment. It may sound counterintuitive since the Tower represents upheaval and chaos. Typically, it’s not something someone is excited to bring upon themselves. But, I think in your case, it’s going to be more beneficial than detrimental. You have to burn some bridges. You have to have some falling outs. Yes, moving forward from your comfort zone is going to feel weird as hell. It’s going to feel scary. You may be worried that ending friendships or setting boundaries was a bad idea, but it is all for the sake of becoming the best version of you. Trust me.  The reversed King in particular is asking you to “give yourself permission to break free and do something different.” Just as a phoenix, your tower will rise again from the ashes even stronger than before.

How can you avoid getting caught up in other’s perceptions? Moonlight, Four of Cups, The Magician

The visual for this pull is below because it was kind of a fun way for the cards to drop 😊 I asked this question and the first card fell: Moonlight in reverse. This moonlight card is specific to this deck, so it doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning as The Moon does in tarot. The first phrase that came to me when I was looking at the card was “turn that frown upside down”. Because the card doesn’t have a traditional meaning, I wanted to shuffle one more time for cards that DO have trad. meanings. These are the two that came out – in this order! THE FROWN IS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN! What does this mean in execution, though?

Recognize the power you have in creating your own life and stop dimming your light. I know that it takes work to feel confident in spaces where you feel small but it is worth the practice! The more you execute your power, say yes to yourself, and make yourself heard the easier it will get. Not only easier in doing it but easier in believing it, too.

Group 2: Delos Tarot

What does the best version of you look like? Two of Cups

For you, I think to feel like the best version of yourself, you are wanting to be in a space where you can create and maintain meaningful relationships. It’s not that you lack relationships, but they feel a little surface level or superficial. You want to feel that SOMETHING, and you want to bring that something to others. You may have your own personal goals when it comes to relationships – wanting a work bestie, wanting a romantic relationship, wanting a strong relationship with a sibling, etc. But overall, the ability to form these relationships as a whole is really what you long for.

What steps can you take in the process? The Devil reversed

My first thought “quit thinking you’re the devil!” lol When in relationships, you focus on your negative qualities. You are always thinking of how you can bring more to the table rather than focusing on what you already DO bring to the table. You tend to psych yourself out when you get close to forming the bond that you crave. An actionable step you should look into taking is working on your shadow self. There are a lot of websites with lists of shadow work questions that get to the root of these types of fears. Shadow work makes you think of things in a different perspective. It could help you determine WHY you shut yourself off at certain times. It helps identify triggers in relationships so you can sense them when they appear and know how to deal with them. Then, I know this is easier said than done, but you gotta push through the discomfort, too. Perhaps your relationships fade when you’re right on the brink of vulnerability. Instead of ebbing backward, take that leap into the unknown. It’s the only way you’re going to get passed that piece.

How can you avoid getting caught up in other’s perceptions? King of Swords rev. and Strength

I know it’s way easier to say online but finding the courage to just be yourself is honestly going to be the best thing you can do for yourself. I feel that you may preemptively get caught in what you THINK others’ perceptions are of you before you know their true perceptions. I know you KNOW what your inner truth is, but you deserve to understand WHY it’s your truth. You have a lot to contribute to relationships and having this better relationship with yourself can also contribute to gaining courage to just be yourself. Doing that shadow work can be really good for you in that growth, too Each time you seem caught up in someone else’s perception, ask yourself why you’re caught up in it. Is it actually an accurate depiction of who you are? Are you trying to protect yourself before anything scary actually happens? Find the strength to be rational because it’s gonna change your mind set a LOT. 

Group 3: Everyday Tarot

What does the best version of you look like? Ace of Swords

The best version of yourself, group 3, is someone who is continually growing. You want to be open to expansion, ideas, spontaneity, and adventure. You may feel a little stuck right now. I definitely think you have the excitement and adrenaline inside you, and you’re ready to let it out. You’re not longing for motivation or inspiration, you’re longing for an outlet for the motivation and inspiration already inside of you.  You may wonder, “how do I explore new opportunities if I don’t know where to start?” “How can I continue growing when people and places around me aren’t growing?” Let’s find out!

What steps can you take in the process? The Devil reversed & The Queen of Pentacles

Let go of unhealthy attachments and nurture yourself if/when you feel guilty for doing so. Part of what keeps you feeling a bit stuck is not wanting to leave anyone behind. You care a lot about a lot of people and want them to experience this growth with you. They’re not quite ready though. YOU being ready doesn’t make you better than them, it just means you’re in a different place. Accepting the unknown that lies ahead is also important for you, group 3. No matter how ready you are, moving forward (likely on a solo journey) is scary! It’s like jumping off the high dive. You just…gotta do it. Lastly, as you move forward onto fun adventures, remember to keep some sense of practicality – this means being aware of what might be TOO much right now, but also knowing that you can do hard things.  

How can you avoid getting caught up in other’s perceptions? King of Wands reversed

Stop setting unrealistic expectations for yourself! I think this really speaks from that last bit of steps you can take. Being practical also means believing in yourself and your amazingness. I feel this extends to knowing you’re capable of being in these people’s lives while still going out and expanding your boundaries. It doesn’t have to be either/or, it can be both. The perceptions you’re caught up in currently might be self-created. People around you might not have even considered the thoughts you think they have. Stop yourself in your tracks if you find you’re going down a road of worry. These people are proud of you and WANT you to succeed. They also think it’s pretty neat that they’re friend is so cool 😉<3

[gabessquishytum]

Feeling very annoyed about my joint pain right now so what better way to deal with it than projecting my problems onto Dream?

So Dream is hypermobile, and he's been dating Hob for a little while. With Hob, he doesn't feel like he complains too much, he doesn't feel like he's a burden. He doesn't feel like he has to hide the pain and frustration he has to deal with because of his body. As a child he was often told that he was faking injury to get out of doing things he didn't want to do. Often he was told just to exercise more. As he got older, he was told that he was giving up on himself and that he should just push though the pain (despite the fact that when you're hypermobile, sometimes pushing though the pain now means needing joint replacements in the future). But with Hob, his problems are always taken seriously, his pain is believed and he's never infantilized for it. Hob isn't disgusted by his body doing weird things, his reaction to Dream hyperextending something on purpose isn't "put that away that's gross" it's "you'll regret that tomorrow"

Dream has definitely subluxed his jaw while giving Hob blow jobs before. After, because you know Dream wouldn't stop sex for something as trivial as a subluxation, Hob heats up a rice bag and massages Dream's face.

On his bad days, sometimes Hob will stay home from work just to comfort and be there for him. It's care like he's known from no other person ever in his life and he almost certainly cries about how lucky he is (usually in Hob's arms) at least once a week

Idk where exactly I'm going with this. But I'm just spinning the concept of hypermobile!Dream getting comfort and acceptance from Hob in my head. Just Dream getting the comfort I wish I had in my life.

Oh anon, joint pain is so horrible. I'm sorry you're going through it. I'm also in the hypermobile club, so I feel you. I really do.

Dream finds it hard to accept that this will be his life forever, you know? There's no cure for his condition, only management. He spent a lot of time pretending that there was nothing wrong, and ended up hurting himself. He has so many regrets... but knowing that he also gets to spend the rest of his life with Hob makes it almost bearable. Hob has slowly adjusted their shared home to be hypermobile-friendly, putting in all the accommodations that Dream has denied himself over the years: a bath chair, perching stools in the kitchen, banisters on the staircases, even a wedge for their bed so Dream can prop himself up when he's feeling bad enough to be bedbound.

Hob knows Dream’s body better than his own. When Dream hyperextends his knees, Hob is the one to notice and give him a gentle nudge. When he's standing and hanging off his joints and straining them, Hob grabs him a chair so he can sit down instead. When he needs his ring splints, it's usually Hob who fetches and puts them on for him. Dream often feels like a burden, but Hob tries to explain that all of these things aren't chores for him. They're just intuitive, easy acts of love. Hob WANTS to be Dream’s support.

Sex is a lot easier with Hob than it ever was with past partners. There's k-tape and splints and joint braces, which Hob treats with the same reverence he'd usually save for lingerie. Dream, naked, clad only in wrist splints and k-tape, is the most beautiful thing in the world to Hob. Cause he knows that Dream isn't going to get hurt while they make wild and glorious love.

They've definitely had wheelchair sex. Hob has knelt between Dream’s slightly spread legs and sucked his cock. Fortunately the brakes were on, or Dream might have gone rolling across the room from the force of his orgasm. Hob is very good with his mouth.

All in all: life is really really hard, but it's also good. And Hob makes it all worth it by being there and being himself. Dream couldn't love him any more if he tried.

[salemlunaa]

Let me start off by saying that I absolutely love your posts. And ur energy really made me want to embody that for myself. I hope u can help with some issues that's I've been facing.

I've been in this community for an odd 4 years and u can say that I've consumed every type of information. I know all about the law. When I start to apply the law I get really discouraged waking up in the same fucking reality and when shit doesn't change instantly. That sets me off on a cycle that I can't seem to get out of.

It's been a nightmare with me being so anxious and desperate all the time. Also some things that I've done hurt my parents real bad, but I did it with the intention of leaving this place the next day. And by bad I mean constantly lying to them abt going to clg and they finding out and all of the shit that follows after that. But yeah I admit I wasn't that great of a daughter. So now that I'm trying to manifest a better life for myself, I feel guilty and feel like all I'm doing is just escaping.

I don't know how to deal with my emotions but I want out of here immediately cause it's gotten really bad and I don't even feel like living anymore.

What do I do to leave here immediately? How do I trust that I am a god and that only what I want will happen?

Sorry for all that rant. Just needed to get it out.

hi love, i’m sorry you’re going through this, circumstances can get so shitty sometimes, trust me, i know.

And you might not like the answer, but you have to live in imagination, give yourself your desires in the 4d, give yourself the success of waking up with your desires in the 4d, give it all to yourself in imagination and the 3d will always follow.

You’re allowed to have your emotions, it won’t mess up your progress if you scream, cry, get frustrated etc, you’re allowed to feel discouraged but don’t let that stop you, please don’t let it stop you because it will be so worth it when you have the life of your dreams after realising how easy it is.

live in the 4d now, who’s to say you woke up with nothing? who’s to say you’re a bad daughter? who’s to say you haven’t manifested much? are you resonating with that reality because the 3d said so? screw the 3d!! you have your desires and always have done 💞💞

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch,

This may be out of your wheelhouse, and I understand if it is, but I’m tryin anything. I’m getting an iud on Friday (woohoo we love birth control) and I’m TERRIFIED. I’ve had an iud before that ended up being a really rough experience, and I remember the insertion vividly. My doctor already gave me something for my anxiety, and I’ll be taking as much NSAIDs as a person my size can have, but what tips would you recommend for helping with the soul crushing fear. I’m autistic and trans, so I’m also dealing with the general fear many of us have of doctors. Tbh even if it’s shit like “here is exactly what to visualize while someone is elbow deep in your gulleyworks” would be great. Thank you sm

hi anon,

if you have someone who'd be willing to go with you, straight up call the facility where you'll be getting your IUD and ask if you can bring an emotional support person with you during the insertion.

if that's not allowed, or you don't have someone available to tag along on short notice, it's also worth asking if you could have an emotional support nurse or other employee who's there specifically to be your buddy during the procedure. not as comforting as a friend, maybe, but it's nice to have someone whose full focus is on offering you reassurance instead of trying to divide their attention between you and your IUD.

other things I've heard of people doing to up their own comfort levels: bring a stuffed animal or fidget toys, ask if you can play your own music during the procedure (and if headphones are appropriate, if you'd feel better with them, but that's a solid Maybe since your doctor will likely need to make sure you can hear them), wearing a little scent that helps you feel calm, staying very focused on something on your phone during the procedure, making aggressive smalltalk with anyone else in the room while it's happening. me personally, I have a bitch of a time with pap smears, so I always have my examiner verbally walk me through everything they're doing, completely with counting down how much time it will take so I know exactly how long I'm bracing for.

informing the person doing the implant that you're feeling Fucking Scared will also be helpful right out of the gate and help them know what to expect as well; get everybody on the same page and work together to make the procedure as quick and relatively painless as possible.

[smiletimeisrunningout]

Ben's words and expression reminded Emma of the way he spoke of his youth, of his lack of experience with women, how he believed himself to be not quite the looker as a boy. He clearly didn't enjoy being easily embarrassed now, especially when it came to bedding people, and she knew as a man he'd hardly find people encouraging that side of him. It was so silly, to think of how they were encouraged to act like they had no weaknesses, and she may have felt the same about the matter, had she not been raised by a man like her father.

"Make no mistake, I would not want you to be any different," she decided to say then, bringing a hand to his cheek and cupping it gently, "Even the parts of you I can't read because I'm all sorts of confused by my own feelings. If you'll ever choose to come home with me, you'll be welcomed to spend your days reading to kids and looking for new poems and books. You'll never have to be calm and collected unless you wish to be."

Although there was something funny about thinking of Ben living the life of retirement and lazy days that she had planned for her hypothetical future old husband, and instead of that happening because she only needed a husband to have her throne it would be because she had a husband she liked.

"Or you could do whatever you want, I'm making it sound like I'm going to... hold you hostage like some sort of beauty in the tower." God, she had almost said 'marry you'. So much for going as slow as possible. "I just meant to say that I don't want you to change one bit for me, I like you the way you are. Besides the part where you grow double the patience you have now, so you can withstand my moods."

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad, I would love for you to show me and prove me wrong."

"The side of my bed has a few canvas, you have my permission to check because they are landscapes and, unlike faces, they actually look decent," she offered, adjusting her position on the bed; it hurt, again, and Emma wondered how long it would take before she'd be able to just kiss him as much as she'd like. He was so interested, and so damn kissable. "The next time I'm not dying and we can go out, we'll find a place where I can sing, then. I doubt the rest of your army would be keen. They have more important things to deal with... you don't, anymore, because you have chosen to court me and you must act accordingly," she teased, giving his cheek a light tap.

"I'll finally convince you that books aren't so bad -- or at the very least, listening along to a good story?"

"See, the compromise is right there: you read a book you like, you tell me about it. Much better if you want me to pay attention from beginning to end. Plus, it won't harm me like reading. The headaches just aren't worth it, when I can be told the story." She was surprised whenever she met people who were so dedicated to books; her father loved reading, but he didn't have enough time to do so, so she figured he didn't have to battle with the inevitable headaches as much, but August and Ben? Masochists.

I'm not so sure I can reciprocate, but that's because I only tend to fall into bed with those I...w-well, I prefer meaning to my dalliances-" "Oh, sweetie," she whispered, smiling in reassurance. "-And clearly, I hadn't found that before you, since you were...y-you were my... My first."

"No, I know that, and that's lovely, really. I would never expect you to drop your values for me," she assured him, "There is nothing wrong with you waiting, you know that. In fact, you should be proud: you did it the way you wanted, when you wanted, and not because you felt you had to. That takes guts. I may not share the... uh... philosophy behind it, but I will defend it until the end of days." Though it was still odd to her that he hadn't been taken aback by her history. "I don't... I think I don't really kiss much, if there is no feeling behind it? Even if, in my case, generally the feeling was friendship, I suppose to me it's kissing that required some meaning. It feels so intimate. Like holding hands."

She took his hand, not just to make a point but to feel just how natural it was. She may lay with a stranger, but she certainly would not hold hands with him.

"In fact, I've been told I'm rather hotheaded, and despite my father's valiant efforts, I'm not the best with sharing, either. Not that I intend to."

Her gasp was far too intrigued, "You are jealous?" she asked in delight, "Oh, that sounds fun. We have to revisit that once I have healed enough... Naturally, you know you don't need to worry about me looking at other men, I find the thought of cheating repulsive." That and when she had met Selah Strong in passing and had properly ogled him, she had almost died on the spot after Caleb had explained he was married to their friend Anna. Her horror at having looked at the man for too long had even entertained James, who had apparently expected her 'not to care' on account of her being 'so carefree', which he had not meant as an insult, but had horrified her even more. No, taken men were off-limits, and so was she as a taken woman. "But if you wish to deck someone because they cross a line with me or something of the sort, please make sure I'm there."

"Perhaps my fear made you appear more... calm and collected about the whole ordeal than you actually were," she suggested, which wasn't an unfair assumption. "I do hope I'll get to see that... gollumpus you speak of. He seems just my type."

Benjamin grinned, his eyes shining self-consciously. "Trust me: no one has ever called me calm and collected, and least especially when it comes to protecting those I love. But if my gollumpus side is the one you're yearning for, I just might have some competition on my hands."

All the naked things?

Yet again, Benjamin felt a damnable spread of heat searing across his face as he laughed, darting his eyes in between her face and the ground. He wasn't sure why after all this time he was still shy at such talk -- especially since she'd never exactly been withholding when it came to her candidness -- but with a shake of his head, he softly reassured, "No, I...w-well, according to Caleb, I'm very much like an open book. If I like someone, or dislike them, it's plain as day... But apparently not to those who truly matter."

Emma was quick to dismiss any artistic pursuits. Despite her typical self-deprecation (something that he, himself, tended to mirror in his own behavior), Benjamin found himself laughing at the idea. "Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," he said. "I would love for you to show me and prove me wrong."

When she brought up singing, he perked up. "I've heard you were fond of it," he allowed, "but I've never actually been privy to a concert. I was always out and about, or busying myself with papers, and...other tasks."

It occurred to him then that Emma wasn't wholly privy to the ring. Perhaps he should tell her someday, he thought, if she wished to be given the ultimate sign of his trust and admiration.

Seemingly oblivious to his inner conflict, Emma continued, "Considering that, it's odd that I miss painting. But I... like the idea of doing that while you read... doing that sort of thing together, as in sharing a room. Or tent, in this case."

"I like that too," Benjamin softly reassured. "And maybe one day, one day, I'll finally convince you that books aren't so bad -- or at the very least, listening along to a good story?"

Emma appeared rather embarrassed, but before he could ask what he'd done, she was quick to turn around and embarrass him. "I assure you," she coyly said, "had you been inclined, I would have taken you to bed long before knowing you as a person. Just because of your looks. Multiple women being interested in you is not out of the realm of possibilities."

"I...thank you?" Benjamin stammered, his brows scrunching with a self-conscious chuckle. "I'm not so sure I can reciprocate, but that's because I only tend to fall into bed with those I...w-well, I prefer meaning to my dalliances. And clearly, I hadn't found that before you, since you were...y-you were my..." Awkwardly, he waved a hand before shyly concluding, "My first."

Emma rattled off all the ways other women could be jealous -- the idea seemed absurd to him, if he was being honest -- yet she was quick to denounce such thoughts. "That sounds horrible," she decided. "I hope my status will scare them away. You are lucky no one has tried to woo me here so you don't need to witness it, but I'll have to prepare so I can have a proper ladylike reaction, it's not as if I can fight them, they are ladies."

Benjamin scoffed. "You are lucky for that, too," he challenged. "I confess, I've never had to keep menfolk away from a woman, but I do know I'm not much for jealousy. In fact, I've been told I'm rather hotheaded, and despite my father's valiant efforts, I'm not the best with sharing, either. Not that I intend to." He flashed a lopsided smile. "I'll share your time here and there, but anything else risks that gollumpus we talked about coming into play."