#so i did outlines for the previous books and the series and

[nopoodles]

Stumbled across another one of those

"writers still pantsing their novels [sad shake of the head] try my proprietary and paid for outlining method (that uses 2 other people's outlining methods as a base!)"

And I'm now at a point where I just look over at my bookshelf of 5 books published in 3 years and think "I'm doing alright actually. Pantsing my novels."

[hanilessa]

before reading please pay attention to the series masterlist, to make sure you have read the previous chapters!

your likes, reblogs and replies are greatly appreciated! i hope you like it, enjoy reading!

HALF AN HOUR FOR LOVE — Childe x F!Reader Chapter 26. One and only

A calm silence was filling your childhood bedroom — it was still very early in the morning, so the moon and stars were looking at the Earth outside the window, watching large snowflakes fall to the ground. It was dark, but the nightlight you left on for the night continued to dimly illuminate the room, so Ajax, albeit with some effort, could make out the outlines of the objects that filled your bedroom. His blue eyes kept catching on something that seemed interesting to him and reminded him of you. It seemed to Childe that right now your childhood bedroom was a book that was telling him the story of your life.

Your head rested on his bare chest, and your measured breathing warmed his skin, and you looked absolutely charming, all asleep and peaceful. It wasn't even seven in the morning, Childe had woken up some time ago, but he didn't want to tear you out of your sweet sleep, wanting you to have a good rest after such a tiring period of work. So he just held you in his arms, enjoying how soft and comfortable it was for both of you in your warm bed. Stroking your head with smooth movements, the ginger man inhaled the pleasant pine scent that penetrated the house from the outside. There was something romantic in this quiet and calm moment.

To Tartaglia's displeasure, immediately after thoughts of romance, irritating thoughts about your childhood friend suddenly crept into his head. No, Ajax never doubted himself, and his self-confidence could be the envy of any person, but... Why did he feel somehow lost now when he thought about how sweetly you laughed yesterday with Thoma, discussing the years passed in separation? Childe had no doubt about your feelings, but his own fear didn't allow him to calm down, constantly reminding him of that very "what if…?"

Relax, Ajax. We love each other, the man thought and took a deep breath to cope with his thoughts and feelings. During these holidays, he wanted nothing more than to just be with you and enjoy every happy moment. So a moment later, he tried to tune himself to positive thoughts.

Time passed unnoticed while he was thinking, and now the dawn lit up the horizon with an orange-red stripe, illuminating the cold ground. The ringing voices of winter birds, singing melodic trills, filled the morning silence, awakening the world from sleep. Your morning, drawn-out moan reached the man's ears, and he felt you stir in his arms. Your eyelashes fluttered when the dawn rays of the sun illuminated your face, and you finally opened your eyes. Your absentminded, sleep-drunk gaze ran first around your room, assessing the situation, after which you finally looked at the man, patiently waiting for you to pay your attention to him.

"Good morning, princess." A teasing smile appeared on Childe's lips when you sleepily looked into his eyes. You stretched sweetly, like a flexible cat, and smiled too.

"Good morning. How did you sleep?" You asked, yawning widely and rubbing your sleepy eyes with your fist. The man exhaled in fascination — how charming.

"Next to you, I sleep so well and sweetly, like I have never slept in my life." He answered, for which he received a light, playful hit in the side from you. The man groaned slightly from a little pain and said, "I'm honest with you, baby!"

You chuckled and decided not to tease the man anymore, moving a little closer to him, "Okay, okay, I believe you. I'm glad you feel comfortable next to me."

Your lips found Tartaglia's in a morning greeting kiss, and you both relaxed, enjoying the moment. There was a pleasant forest freshness and coolness in the air, which made the parts of your bodies that were not covered by a down blanket get goosebumps. But it was a trifle compared to the warm hugs and sweet kisses that woke you both up from sleep. Your muscles ached pleasantly after a long sleep, so you let out a light moan when your lover pulled you closer to him, wrapping his strong arm around your waist.

"What are our plans for today?" The ginger man asked when you pulled away from his lips. You looked thoughtful as Ajax was running his fingers through the strands of your hair, enjoying the feeling of its softness and silkiness.

"I think we should start decorating the house for Christmas and go shopping for the festive dinner. I also wanted to show you around the town and my favorite places." You listed off some of the things you could think of for today, using your fingers to count.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Childe gave you an encouraging smile, causing a smile to appear on your face back, and you allowed yourself to rise from his warm chest — a part of you didn't want to do that at all.

The two of you slowly finished your morning bath routine and were lazily pulling on your clothes, you suddenly remembered one more thing you wanted to do today.

"Oh, right!" Ajax turned to you, raising an eyebrow in question. "Let's stop by Thoma's mom's bakery on the way, okay? Her baking is something special! I wish you could try a little more than yesterday's buns."

The ginger man tensed internally when you mentioned the annoying blond, but he tried not to show it, so as not to make you worry. But you knew Ajax better than anyone, so you immediately noticed how his body tensed and his brows furrowed. He swallowed, causing his adam's apple to twitch nervously, thus letting you know that the man was thinking about something that made him feel uncomfortable. Childe put on his hoodie, and then immediately met your gaze.

"Is something bothering you?" You asked, moving a little closer to him and looking into his blue eyes. For some reason, a sense of déjà vu took hold of your heart when you remembered that after your first night together, he also looked somewhat dejected the next morning. A primal fear crept into your heart that he might regret deciding to be with you... But a moment later, you scolded yourself for daring to doubt your lover and his feelings for you, and pushed away these sticky intrusive thoughts. Trying not to think about anything bad, you touched his cheek in the hope of getting an answer.

Childe flinched slightly from your touch and clutched a small velvet box in his fist, which was in the pocket of his pants. Was this the right moment? Or should he wait a little with this? The ginger man was truly confused about the situation with your childhood friend, so he wanted you to be able to see this box as soon as possible.

Your skin felt the softness of his rough lips as he pressed your palm to his lips to leave a soothing kiss, "It's okay, Y/n. Just still a little sleepy." He winked playfully at you, causing you to blush a little.

"Okay, if that's the case." You smiled, relaxing. Feeling the comfort of your pajamas, you carefully opened your bedroom door, looking back at the man. "Are you coming?"

"Of course, princess. Give me a minute." Ajax smiled awkwardly, ruffling his ginger bangs. Nodding, you walked out of your bedroom, leaving the man alone.

Tartaglia bit his lip. It was a little unusual for him to feel worried about someone outside of his family, but you were part of his family now too — at least until you found out about the bet and hated him with all your soul. So he was terrified that you would leave him alone, and that fear continued to tear him apart. Childe carefully took the red box out of his pocket and lingered his gaze on it for a few more seconds.

The velvet fabric felt nice in his hands, and he briefly imagined how happy you would be when you saw this box. A blush colored his cheeks and neck as your smiling face appeared in his mind. He wanted to tell you that he would do anything to keep you smiling, but... He would be the one to hurt you the most. Ajax's heart felt heavy as this thought flashed through his mind, so he hurriedly hid the red box in his bag and left the room.

After a delicious breakfast of hot pancakes and aromatic tea, you and Childe started getting ready for a walk. As you pulled on your soft sweater, you didn't notice your mother appear in the doorway of your room. The woman leaned on the door frame and smiled when you finally paid attention to her.

"Going for a walk?" She asked with a smile. You adjusted your sweater and smiled back at her, nodding.

"I wanted to show Ajax around the town." You smiled shyly, heat spreading across your cheeks as you voiced your desire. Your mother smiled understandingly.

"Do you mind if Xiao joins you two?" The woman asked. She looked a little worried, so you looked into her eyes with a question. "I'm a little worried about him studying all the time and hardly resting. So I thought it would be nice if you went shopping with him and he could relax and unwind a bit."

"Sure, mom, don't worry." You smiled knowingly, thinking about how stubborn and persistent your brother could be when it came to studying. But Christmas was coming up, and he really needed some rest. So you were more than willing to forcefully tear Xiao away from his books and drag him outside to get some fresh air.

"Thank you, dear." Your mom smiled gratefully at you as you kissed her cheek. "I gave the grocery list to Ajax, he's waiting for you in the living room."

"Okay!" You nodded, grabbing your bag from the table. "We'll be back soon."

"Don't worry, honey, I'll start cooking the festive dinner. Have fun!"

Excited about the exciting day and the events that would fill it, you fluttered out of your bedroom, going down to the first floor. At the front door, Xiao was shuffling his feet, his hands in his pockets, wearing a cute fur hat. You walked a little closer to him, not hiding a teasing smile. Your brother looked absolutely adorable, and you wondered what would happen if Ayaka saw him like this right now?

A small giggle escaped your lips when you imagined Xiao's crimson cheeks and frowning brows. You wanted to tease him a little, but before you could, strong arms hugged you, and it was your turn to be embarrassed.

"Well, shall we go?" The sweet voice of your lover penetrated your ears, and you felt your entire being filled with an excited tremor. Xiao was embarrassed when you and Childe lovingly intertwined your fingers together, and with a snort, he opened the door, letting in the frosty freshness into the warm house.

Snow fell in large white flakes from the sky, which was covered with thick clouds, but this didn't ruin your good mood and the excited enthusiasm filling your heart as the three of you strolled along the streets of your hometown. Your brother kicked small clumps of snow, walking ahead of you, while you and your lover walked leisurely along the snowy sidewalk, swinging your clasped hands back and forth. Tartaglia's blue eyes kept catching on to something new as you enthusiastically talked about every thing around you that was, in one way or another, part of your memories.

Your eyes couldn't help but catch on to something familiar, and you smiled with a bit of sadness as a small brick building came into view. It housed most of your childhood and teenage memories.

"Here, this is my school." You pointed at the building with your finger, and the man's eyes followed the direction you were pointing. Your school was small and a bit rundown, and it was completely different from the Academy where Childe studied. The contrast between your two worlds was insurmountable, but Ajax was truly grateful to fate for being kind enough to allow the two of you to cross the borders of your worlds and meet.

"Do you miss that time?" The ginger man asked, catching nostalgia in your gaze.

"Sometimes." You answered thoughtfully. Yes, your childhood was great and there were many dear memories, but now that you've grown up, you have many new friends and a person you love with all your heart. So, thinking about the fact that if you had the chance to go back to your teenage years, you would confidently refuse, saying that you are quite happy with your current life.

You smiled and squeezed Tartaglia's hand tighter. "But I'm long past that stage of my life, and now I want to enjoy my time with you."

A surprised squeak escaped your mouth as your feet immediately left the ground and the man lifted you by the waist, holding you tightly to him. He slowly twirled you from side to side, whispering about how lucky he is to have you.

"A-ajax—!" You excitedly exclaimed as the man once again spun around, nuzzling his nose into your chest.

"I love you so much. You know that, right?" The declarations of love couldn't stop coming out of his mouth, the surprised looks and whispers of passersby didn't seem to bother him at all as the ginger man lovingly held you close to him like the most precious treasure in the world.

A little taken aback by his sudden surge of all-consuming love, you giggled, stroking his ginger, soft hair. "I know, love, I know." The man purred affectionately, hearing your words of affection, and spun you around again, enjoying the giggles that poured from your lips.

"Hey, you two." Xiao's embarrassed and slightly dissatisfied voice was heard from the side, and Tartaglia reluctantly stopped, and you both looked at your brother, who was standing at the entrance to Thoma's mother's bakery. "Let's hurry up." The remark from your brother made you blush a little. Looking at Childe, you noticed that your lover's cheeks were also red.

It was unexpected to see Ajax so obedient, because you were sure that if any other person had made a remark to the two of you at that moment, the ginger man would have ignored it with a hundred percent probability, continuing to do what he was doing. But it seemed that Tartaglia was truly worried and concerned about what your brother thought of him. And this, to some extent, made your heart melt.

Xiao, without saying anything else, entered the warm premises of the bakery, leaving the two of you alone. Ajax bit his lip, unsure of what your brother's reaction was. Childe's reaction struck a chord with you and you quickly kissed his cheek to cheer him up.

"It's okay, just be yourself." You said. Exchanging smiles, you both hurried into the bakery.

The smell of fragrant buns, sweet cakes, and pancakes filled your lungs as you finally entered the small premises. The selection of pastries was truly amazing, and your eyes darted in different directions as you looked at the colorfully decorated cakes and pastries with stars in your eyes. Despite the heavy breakfast, you felt like you could start drooling because of hunger at this point.

"Y/n, darling!" The woman behind the counter, whom you immediately recognized as Thoma's mother, immediately perked up and greeted you with a smile on her face.

"Hello, ma'am!" You smiled happily, holding your lover's hand. "I'm glad to see you."

"I'm glad to see you too! You've grown so much, such a big girl now..." The woman began to lament sentimentally, seemingly lost in memories of how cute and small you and Thoma had once been. "I remember when you two were so little, running here after school to have cocoa and cakes..."

You smiled awkwardly. "Your buns were wonderful! Can we order some cakes and a pie for the festive dinner?"

"Of course, my dear, anything for you!" Thoma's mother quickly looked around the several counters in search of sweet cakes.

Xiao boredly munched on the muffin she had kindly given him, waiting for you and the ginger man to place your order. Ajax awkwardly was shifting from one foot to the other next to you. The man was still a little nervous about the recent moment and your brother's reaction, and it seemed like the situation couldn't get any worse, but ironically, he was very wrong.

"Thoma! Where are you?!" The woman exclaimed sternly, causing the three of you to flinch in fear. Hurried footsteps were heard from the adjacent room, and a moment later, a blond man appeared in your field of vision. "Didn't you put the cakes on the counter?"

Thoma, flustered and disheveled, didn't understand what he had done to deserve his mother's anger until he finally noticed your presence. A joyful smile instantly appeared on his face.

"Y/n, hello!" You smiled and raised your palm in greeting.

"Take care of Y/n and her order properly, my son." The woman said, winking at her son without anyone noticing, and then, humming, disappeared into the adjacent room. Thoma's ears instantly turned red, and he glanced in your direction with concern, noticing with displeasure the presence of the ginger man next to you.

Tartaglia narrowed his blue eyes in warning as he met the blond man's gaze. The tension between the two men was still there — it would seem that electric charges of mutual irritation sparkle between them.

"So you were heading to the mall?" Thoma asked, packing the pastries and pie you had ordered into a big, beautifully decorated box. It was Christmas-themed.

"Yes! We wanted to do some shopping for tomorrow's feast, and I also wanted to show Ajax my favorite places." You smiled, leaning your head against your lover's chest, and Childe felt his heart beat faster in his chest. You couldn't know it, but the way you showed other people your affection for him was making the ginger man burn alive with his love for you.

"Do you mind if I join you? Mom asked me to do some Christmas shopping too." The green-eyed man laughed awkwardly, ruffling his hair.

"We mind, to be hon—" Tartaglia whispered, and you frowned, lightly punching him in the side, causing the man to let out a strangled breath.

"Childe!" You shushed him, completely unaware that you had forgotten yourself again and used his nickname instead of his real name.

"Hm, Childe, yeah, baby?" You were taken aback, visibly nervous, and this made the ginger man smile slyly, anticipating the sweet kiss you were both about to share. He was about to lean in closer to your lips to receive his well-deserved kiss, but was stopped by your hand.

"I-I meant Ajax." Maintaining a more or less confident appearance, you glanced at your brother and Thoma out of the corner of your eye and, turning to your lover, said, "We'll talk about this a little later."

"But, princess..." You frowned sternly, pushing the man's lips away from your face with a slightly insistent movement of your index finger, and finally paid your attention to your childhood friend.

"Of course, we'll be glad if you join us!" You smiled good-naturedly, making Thoma nod his head happily and finally hand you the box of sweet cakes.

"Then please wait here for a couple of minutes." You nodded with a smile, and the blond hurried to disappear into the adjacent room. Ajax snorted in irritation — this was starting to irritate him.

The wait wasn't too long, and now you all were in a large mall, decorated for the upcoming holidays. A Christmas atmosphere was filling the store, and the variety of products on offer made your eyes dart from side to side. You checked the grocery list and unanimously decided to split up for a while to get all the necessary products. You were about to head to the candy stand, when you felt yourself being pulled into a tight embrace.

Tartaglia's warm lips found yours in an eager kiss, causing you to let out an excited squeak. His arms were holding you tightly to his body, as if he was afraid that if he let you go, you would slip away from him forever, like a fleeting dream. Your cheeks turned a shade of red as you imagined the number of people who had unintentionally witnessed your kiss. Childe didn't seem to care as he nipped your bottom lip lightly with his teeth before finally pulling away from your lips, lingering for a moment at your ear.

"We'll talk about this a little later, angel." He whispered hoarsely. And turning towards the dairy section, the man left you alone with your thoughts and your rapidly beating heart in your chest.

You were pouting in annoyance as you passed the stands with various goods, feeling the heat of embarrassment spreading throughout your entire body. The skin of your lips still retained the warmth of the kiss you and Ajax had shared, making your insides curl with excitement and love.

Fool, fool, fool, you thought, patting your cheeks, hot because of embarrassment, when your attention was suddenly drawn to a colorful stand with keychains.

There were a lot of different keychains on the stand, but it was the small fox keychain that caught your attention, and it instantly reminded you of Ajax. Tartaglia was exactly like a fox — ginger, cunning and impossibly seductive. A predator that is willing to do anything to catch his prey.

You shook your head from side to side to stop thinking about embarrassing things and reached out for the keychain. It was a great Christmas present for him! You smiled happily and carefully packed the keychain in a gift box, choosing a red one that reminded you of the earring in his left ear.

Pleased with an unexpectedly found gift that satisfied you, you hurried to your destination — the stand with sweets. The list of necessary goods included quite a lot of things, so you already regretted not taking the shopping cart. Holding a few packs of cookies in your hands, you reached up to the top shelf to grab a pack of candies.

Unfortunately, even for you, the shelf was quite high, so you had to balance on one leg. The stand seemed so high, and there was no one around to help you. You bit your lip as you almost managed to grab the stupid pack of candies, but suddenly your legs buckled and you felt yourself losing your balance with squeak of fear. The packs of cookies fell to the floor.

"Watch out!"

Ajax walked slowly between the aisles of goods, looking for the dairy section. His handsome face was frowning, and even the sweetness and softness of your lips, your timid whine and innocent look didn't help him relax. All Tartaglia really wanted was to spend Christmas with you, to enjoy every second of your happiness together, but now, seeing another man next to you, his heart was painfully squeezing. But at the same time... Did he have the right to be jealous of you when he himself was engaged to another woman?

Standing in front of the ice cream counter, the ginger man sighed tiredly. Little children ran past him, laughing and giggling happily. This made Ajax smile furtively, reminding him of his brothers and sister, who were in Fontaine right now.

He missed them, but Childe sincerely hoped that they were having a good time now, enjoying the bright sun and warm water. Memories of his beloved siblings drove away bad thoughts, so the man enthusiastically hurried to take several buckets of ice cream of different flavors from the counter and quickly find you and the others.

Everyone was in anticipation of Christmas. Joyful smiles on the faces of children and their parents were blooming here and there, foreshadowing the Christmas holidays. Tartaglia's cheeks were slightly sprinkled with a pink blush when he imagined himself and you in these people's place. He wondered what your children would look like.

Finally, your figure appeared between the shelves with sweets, and the ginger man felt an unexpected desire to quickly feel you in his arms again. He quickened his pace and a moment later noticed something was wrong. You were standing on the tip of your foot, balancing above the floor, with several boxes in your hands, trying to reach a pack of candies.

Everything about your posture screamed that you had no chance of holding on like that for very long, and when Childe realized this a moment later, your legs inevitably gave way and you quickly began to lose your balance, threatening to fall onto the concrete floor.

The man instantly threw the ice cream buckets into the nearest shopping cart, earning an indignant shout from the petite old lady. But he really didn't care as he hurried towards you, pushing past the shop's customers. All he cared about now was catching you before you fell onto the cold floor. There was too much distance between the two of you, and the only thing Ajax could do was stretch out his hand towards you in fear and let out a frightened shout.

"Y/n!" He shouted.

"Watch out!"

Childe's heart stopped for a moment, then continued beating at an incredible speed as he watched Thoma's strong arms hold you just above the cold concrete floor. The ginger man felt like his whole life flashed before his eyes.

The fear on your face was forever imprinted on Ajax's heart, like a mark, as a reminder that at the moment when he should have been next to you, he wasn't there. Everything around you — torn boxes of cookies and a grocery list lying on the floor — reminded of what happened, while Tartaglia watched from the side as you, with trembling legs, managed to get upright with the help of Thoma.

"Are you okay, Y/n?!" The blond worriedly examined you for possible injuries, holding your hand. "God, I was so scared for you..."

"Yeah, I-I think I'm okay." You said haltingly, gradually recovering from the fear you had experienced. Your heart was beating faster in your chest, and all you could do was try to stay on your feet, gratefully accepting your friend's help. "Thank you, Thoma."

"Please, be more careful next time." The blond man said excitedly as you bent down to pick up the cookie boxes and grocery list from the floor. You exhaled, glad that you had managed to avoid trouble.

"I will!" A smile appeared on your face as you stood upright again, unexpectedly approaching Thoma and hugging him tightly. "Thank you again."

And in that moment, Ajax forgot how to breathe. He watched as your lips spread into the most beautiful smile that he thought you gave only to him, when Thoma sheepishly smiled and ruffled his hair. Tartaglia's heart squeezed painfully in his chest, while he became a witness to the sweet conversation of two childhood friends.

The only thing Ajax really wanted was to be your one and only. The one who is ready to protect you and do anything for you. But for some reason now it seemed to him as if he had never been truly capable of anything.

— taglist: @httpmitsuya @gojoandelsalovechilde @duckyyyx @i-x4o @chishiyawifesworld @ajaxstar @kiryoutann @xiaosonlybeloved @aloveablechaos @obervation-subject-753 @beyaaaafr @silverbladexyz @funicidals @simpfully-heartbroken @r0ttenhearts @cocoanvt @5sausefandom @yevene @hamsuigok @stxwpid @childeismylove @chickoritasy @randomhumans-blog @nxwiqv @kiokiee @lillunna @pookiebearcave @shanieveh

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 4

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

‘Does it bother you to think of him hurting your country?’ ‘You know it does. Are we playing now with the fate of nations? It won’t bring your brother back.’ There was a violent silence.

the girls are fightinggggg (love damen calling laurent on his misdirected bullshit)

‘You know, my uncle knew who you were,’ said Laurent. ‘He spent this whole time waiting for us to fuck. He wanted to tell me who you were himself, and watch it wreck me. Oh, had you guessed that? You just thought you’d fuck me anyway? Couldn’t help yourself?’

i’m sure it’s easier for laurent to entertain the notion that nothing damen did was real at all, and doing so also hurts damen, so two birds one stone

‘You said, “Kiss me”,’ said Laurent, each word enunciated clearly. ‘You said, “Laurent, I need to be inside you, you feel so good, Laurent,”’ He switched to Akielon, as Damen had, at the climax, ‘‘it’s never felt like this, I can’t hold on, I’m going to—’’

i did my complex analysis of laurent’s mean girl era last chapter. this is a good example of him just being a petty bitch for the reasons outlined in that analysis

‘Charcy,’ said Laurent, ‘was a distraction. I have it from Guion. My uncle sailed for Ios three days ago, and by now he has made landfall.’

and it worked, and laurent was too emotionally compromised to anticipate or prevent it. imagine laurent learning that, directly after being tortured. and now he’s dealing with this. Ls on Ls on Ls.

(or did he know? stuff he says later makes me think he might have, but then again, he also lies to damen a LOT in this scene)

‘I see. And my men are to die fighting him for you, the way that they did at Charcy?’

i mean the previous chapter already established that they both know laurent meant to be there, but if they’re doing cheap shots, i guess this works fine in a pinch

Laurent’s smile was not pleasant. ‘On that table is a list of supplies and troops. I will give it to you, in support of your campaign to the south.’ ‘In exchange for,’ said Damen, steadily. ‘Delpha,’ said Laurent in the same tone. He felt the shock that made him remember that this was Laurent, and not any other young man of twenty.

He had not come here prepared to negotiate. Laurent had. Laurent was here as the Prince of Vere facing the King of Akielos. Laurent had known who he was all along. The list, written in Laurent’s own hand, had been prepared before this meeting.

all true, but don’t underestimate the fact that laurent did NOT anticipate falling in love or actually trusting you as an ally

He said, ‘Did you plan this from the beginning?’

so "from the beginning" is complicated here. if i'm going to try to sort things out to the best of my ability, i think a good place to start is making a list of things laurent could NOT have expected at the beginning of the series, when he was presented with damen:

that damen would not immediately take any opportunity provided to him to escape captivity

that damen is a respectable and admirable person and invaluable strategic and military asset

that damen and laurent would fall in love (and even still now, i don't think laurent is letting himself believe damen really cares, and certainly isn't letting damen do the caring)

that the regent would try to assassinate his own nephew. laurent says in the text, at some point, that this was a genuine surprise, and that he didn't think his uncle would ever go that far

but, okay, even if laurent didn't expect the assassination attempt, or any of the other minor things in vere like the patras debacle, did he expect at some point to find himself and his men forced to do a military campaign? he must have, which is why he started the correspondence with delpha. i suppose he could have planned to do that from vere, too, and just adjusted things when he was forced to travel. and nothing that laurent failed to expect directly got in the way of the foundation of his plan, if his objective was to obtain delpha and make enough allies that together they can take down the regent.

so to answer damen's question, yes! laurent planned this specific long-term objective (taking delpha, getting kastor and the regent in ios, methodically turning a faction of powerful akielions against kastor and gaining the support of vask and patras) from the beginning. because he recognized damen the moment he saw him, laurent could immediately put together that kastor is allied with the regent, who would totally come up with something like this to torture laurent. and so laurent put his mental energy into planning a way to gain enough political and military power to defeat both kastor and the regent, and further manipulate them into being so confident that they would have no time to retaliate when the people laurent enlisted attacked them. i don't think laurent gave a shit if kastor lived or died, or stayed on the throne, as long as the regent was defeated, but it made sense for kastor to be a priority as well since the alliance between kastor and the regent makes the regent more powerful.

and, to be generous to laurent, none of this really has anything to do with damen. like none of it is designed to punish him, it doesn't even really involve him. it's another instance of laurent just living in a different genre from the start. damen's pov has been so fixed on his relationship and interactions with laurent, but there's been so much more happening that we just haven't seen. and laurent, i think we can assume, is and has always been deeply focused on things other than their relationship.

but even now, this plan doesn't do damen direct harm. the most harm it does is make things awkward with nikandros, and make damen feel bad about the regent being in his own country (which was probably going to happen anyway). but still, damen is super pissed. he doesn't realize or admit it, but i almost think the fact that laurent always had this plan makes him a little insecure. like, to realize that he hasn't been as important or useful to laurent as he previously assumed. on top of all the other stuff pissing him off about the situation, he's also jealous of an abstract plan, because it's had laurent's attention from the start, and right now laurent is choosing that plan over their friendship/relationship. a kingdom, or this.

laurent doesn't want to deal with "this," and honestly has some pretty pressing matters beyond "this" to handle, so he's chosen "a kingdom." even if damen's heart is still stuck with "this," he'll have to follow laurent's lead and focus on "a kingdom" too. i'm sure they'll both do a perfectly professional and functional job of this, and it won't make things inconvenient or uncomfortable for any of their allies at all.

‘The hard part was getting Guion to let me into his fort.’ Laurent said it steadily, the private edge to his voice a little more private than usual.

do they ever talk about it? like does laurent ever tell damen what happened in the cell?

also i like how damen doesn’t take this as like flippant and arrogant, as he would have in book 1. he immediately clocks that laurent is hiding something and just deflecting.

Damen said, ‘In the palace you had me beaten, drugged, whipped. And you ask me to give up Delpha? Why don’t you tell me instead why I shouldn’t simply hand you over to your uncle, in exchange for his aid against Kastor?’

like you ever would.

‘Because I knew who you were,’ said Laurent, ‘and when you killed Touars and humiliated my uncle’s faction, I sent the news of it echoing to every corner of my country. So that if you ever crawled back onto your throne there would be no possibility of an alliance between you and my uncle.

good failsafe, laurent didn’t know he wouldn’t need it. although i’m sure it’s both vindicating and hurting laurent to hear damen threaten this, making the failsafe necessary, even if we know that damen’s heart isn’t in it.

'Do you want to play this game against me? I will take you apart.’

this is all very complicated and unnecessary and frustrating to damen, but it's laurent's area of expertise. this kind of emotionally evasive manipulative political negotiation makes him feel empowered. the approach laurent takes in this scene is almost certainly a way for him to cope with the things in his life that feel uncontrollable and uncomfortable, by doing something familiar that he knows he can control.

‘Take me apart?’ Damen said deliberately. ‘If I opposed you, the remaining scrap of land you hold would have a different enemy on each side, and your efforts would be split in three directions.’ ‘Believe me,’ said Laurent, ‘when I say that you would have my undivided attention.’

this is soooo amy dunne of him

Damen let his eyes pass over Laurent slowly, where he stood. ‘You’re alone. You don’t have allies. You don’t have friends. You’ve proven true everything your uncle ever said about you. You made deals with Akielos. You even bedded an Akielon—and by now, everyone knows it. You’re clinging to independence with a single fort and the tatters of a reputation.’ He gave every word its weight. ‘So let me tell you the terms of this alliance. You will give me everything on this list, and in return I will aid you against your uncle. Delpha remains with Akielos. Let’s not pretend you have anything here worth a bargain.’

damen honey i’m so sorry but you cannot win this one. especially when you yourself would probably lay down your life on instinct for laurent if someone randomly came into this tent and tried to kill him

‘Please,’ said Laurent, ‘insult me further. Tell me more about my tattered reputation. Tell me all the ways that bending over for you has damaged my position. As if being fucked into the mattress by the King of Akielos could be anything other than demeaning. I am dying to hear it.’

and somehow laurent still manages to turn even his own shitty decisions back on damen, implying that even if laurent owned up to being fucked by damen, it couldn’t be anything other than demeaning, and damen is a fool for considering it to be genuine lovemaking

‘Did you think,’ said Laurent, ‘that I would come here without the means to enforce my terms? I hold the only proof of Kastor’s treachery that extends beyond your word.’ ‘My word is enough to the men that matter.’ ‘Is it? Then by all means, reject my offer. I will execute Guion for treason and hold the letter over the nearest candle.’

cunt (affectionate)

‘Are we going to play another kind of pretend?’ Damen said. ‘That it never happened?’

and in this game of pretend, damen doesn’t get to hand-feed a pretty blonde named laurent >:(

‘If you are concerned it will go unmentioned between us, never fear. Every man in my camp knows that you served me in bed.’

“you served me” GOD laurent you are such a bitch

And that is how it is to be between us?’ said Damen. ‘Mercenary? Cold?’

if laurent was normal, there are plenty of reassuring things he could tell damen to explain that they can do this together, and ios will be okay, and they're in a good position to win as a team. but since he's being a salty little bitch, he's not going to do any of that, and he's going to make damen feel extra bad by using their romantic history against him. and despite all of these slights against him, damen knows that he has no choice but to give laurent delpha and ally himself with laurent's cause. because laurent really has planned this from the beginning. sure, current damen probably still would have done all that if laurent had just asked, but book 1 laurent had no idea of anticipating their allyship, and book 3 laurent is intentionally trying to push him away.

‘How did you think it would be?’ said Laurent. ‘You’d take me to your bed for the public consummation?’ It hurt.

this is a brutal scene for damen, even if i understand laurent’s headspace. i’m sorry buddy, breakups are no fun.

actually, do you think damen has ever experienced a breakup? he’s a prince who grew up with a harem of sex slaves. jokaste just kind of did whatever she wanted and damen was chill with it. so probably not.

It was too neat. He hadn’t thought as far as Kastor’s defeat, or who would become kyros in Ios, the traditional seat of the King’s closest adviser. Nikandros was the ideal candidate.

not laurent doing damen’s job for him…

‘I see you’ve thought of everything,’ said Damen, bitterly. ‘It didn’t have to be—you could have come to me, and asked for my help, I would have—’ ‘Killed the rest of my family?’

i mean, laurent definitely wants the regent dead. i think this is just a dig about auguste, and furthermore about damen not telling laurent the truth at any point.

also, damen straight-up admitting that he would have helped damen is something laurent would have needed a gun to his head to say out loud, and there aren’t even guns in this world. i said this in a note last chapter, but laurent assumes that damen is just as terrified of attachment and vulnerability as he (laurent) is, but we see that damen is willing to swear attachment and make himself vulnerable in order to support laurent and build trust. laurent is just denying that aspect of damen, because he’s traumatized and stubborn and doesn’t want to be let down.

Thickly, Damen remembered running his sword through the man he’d believed was the Regent; as if killing the Regent would be his expiation. It wouldn’t.

that explains why damen acted how he did in battle. but he also knows, in the reality of this moment, that it wouldn’t have made up for auguste even if he had killed the regent. killing a member of laurent’s family isn’t going to make up for the fact that he killed a member of his family.

He thought of all Laurent had done here, every piece of impersonal leverage, to control this meeting, to ensure it played out on his terms. ‘Congratulations,’ said Damen. ‘You’ve forced my hand. You have what you want. Delpha, in exchange for your aid in the south. Nothing given freely, nothing done out of feeling, everything coerced, with bloodless planning.’

this is almost laurentian, in terms of dialogue. very poetic and theatrical. damen is not handling this breakup well, and it’s almost like he’s defensively taking on some of laurent’s overdramatic bitchiness. it’s a reaction from him we haven’t really seen since book 1.

this dialogue also feels slightly anachronistic, in a good way. with some minor editing it could be a believable text that modern au damen would send after laurent breaks up with him in a formal email even though they still have to work on an assignment together. i think it's the "nothing given freely, nothing done out of feeling, everything coerced, with bloodless planning" that really gives off the vibe of an emotionally compromised teenager trying to cope with the fact that they still have to see their ex in english class.

‘Good,’ said Laurent. He took a step back. Then, as if a pillar of control had finally collapsed, Laurent surrendered his full weight to the table behind him, his face drained of all colour. He was trembling, his hairline pricked with the sweat of injury. He said: ‘Now get out.’

laurent: i won. get out. also laurent:

Laurent had known who he was, and had still made love to him. He wondered what mix of yearning and self-delusion had allowed Laurent to do that.

may i interest you in the “sam reads capri” tag on my tumblr blog, damen?

also i just think “he wondered what mix of yearning and self-delusion has allowed laurent to do that” is a BANGER line. maybe one of my favorites in the series. astute, bewildered, devastating (sad), and devastating (scathing) all at once.

If he’d imagined it, it was as a single, cataclysmic event, an unmasking that, whatever followed, would be over. Violence would have been both punishment and release. He had never imagined that it would instead go on and on; that the truth had been known; that it had been painfully absorbed; that it would be this crushing pressure that wouldn’t leave his chest.

damen always thought that he would be the one to rip off the bandaid for them both, so the entire time he has been saving them the pain by waiting. but now he knows that laurent never had a bandaid, and he (damen) has been left to slowly and painfully pry off his own. the pain isn’t over, it’s just beginning. and laurent has felt it this entire time, in a way damen put off for himself.

Laurent had tamped down the smothered emotion in his eyes, and would endure an alliance with his brother’s killer, though he felt nothing but aversion. If he could do it, Damen could do it. He could make impersonal negotiations, speak in the formal language of kings.

(also wow do i want to tell damen that laurent isn’t averse to him, he’s just lashing out, and badly needs someone to show him love and support at this time. but as always, oh fuck, he can’t hear me. and to be fair, it isn’t really in-character for damen to just passively accept poor treatment, or to force laurent to accept his support when he’s been told to go away.)

The ache of loss didn’t make sense, because Laurent had never been his. He had known that. The delicate thing that had grown between them had never had a right to exist.

and yet it did exist, and it does exist, and it will exist, and that’s why we’re reading about it.

damen and laurent both feel like they have a right to their kingdom’s thrones as princes, but they don’t have the right to simply be people in love. again, a kingdom or this. the themes are theming.

If it hurt, it was fitting; it was simply kingship.

what did i just say??? THE THEMES ARE THEMING!!!

If he could give Laurent up, he could do this.

stoppp can someone get him a pint of ice cream and an olivia rodrigo album (should i make lamen divorce era playlists. like one for each of them.)

Damen remembered hoping for a homecoming where it could be between them as it was in the old days. As if friendship of that kind could survive statesmanship.

damen’s being soooo broody about the ways kingship nerfs his social and romantic life, omg. it’s a hint of his immaturity and relative youth to other people in power, and his difference in jadedness and trauma compared to laurent. he is still lowkey a frat guy who wants to party, even though he cares about his schoolwork and future prospects

‘He’s playing us against each other,’ said Nikandros. ‘This is calculated. He is trying to weaken you.’ Damen said, ‘I know. It’s like him.’

"yes, honey..."

nikandros private twitter venting moment #4. especially considering damen’s response

‘He left us at Charcy.’ ‘There was a reason for that.’ ‘But I am not to know it.’

damen doesn’t really know the reason, but he can assure nik, there was a reason. nikandros private twitter venting moment #5.

It was not worth Delpha. He could see that Nikandros knew it, as Damen had known it. ‘I would make this easier,’ said Damen, ‘if I could.’ Silence, while Nikandros kept his words in check.

nikandros private twitter moment #6. this time he just posts a blurry picture of laurent’s offer and captions it with “🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬”

‘The men will talk,’ said Nikandros. He was pushing the words out with distaste, he did not want to say, ‘About—’ Damen said, ‘No.’ And then, as though Nikandros couldn’t help the words that came out next, ‘If you would at least take off the cuff—’ ‘No. It stays.’ He refused to lower his eyes.

kind of curious why, in this moment, damen is so determined about this. he’s had reasons in the past, but it would be cool to get some current insight, if it’s not just an instinctual thing

Nikandros turned away and put his palms flat on the table, resting his weight there. Damen could see the resistance in Nikandros’s shoulders, bunched across his back, his palms still flat on the table.

nikandros private twitter moment #7. he just posts this meme with no further elaboration:

Into the painful silence, Damen said, ‘And you? Will I lose you?’ It was all he allowed himself. It came out in a steady enough voice, and he made himself wait, and say nothing more.

AWWW poor baby :( no like fr damen :(((( it’s going to be okay

As though the words were coming up from the depths of him, against his will, Nikandros said, ‘I want Ios.’ Damen let out a breath. Laurent, he realised suddenly, wasn’t playing them against one another. He was playing to Nikandros. There was a dangerous expertise in all of this; in knowing how far Nikandros’s loyalty might be stretched, and what would keep it from snapping. Laurent’s presence in the room was almost tangible.

i think this was more an unintended outcome of the plan, but i’m sure mean girl era laurent would be pleased to know that his actions inadvertently incentivized damen’s best friend to declare himself loyal to his ex (laurent) instead

‘Listen to me, Damianos. If you have ever valued my counsel, listen. He is not on our side. He is Veretian, and he’ll be bringing an army into our country.’ ‘To fight his uncle. Not to fight us.’ ‘If someone kills your family you don’t rest until they are dead.’

i know this is nikandros trying to convince damen that laurent isn’t just going to let go of what damen did to auguste, and can’t be trusted as an ally. but it also makes nikandros accidentally sound like a book 1 laurent apologist, by making the statement with “you” as if it’s a universal maxim. like, if nik was in laurent’s shoes, he would have wanted damen tortured and dead too. nik is an interesting guy, because he's a little more aggressive with his principles unprovoked than damen, but he’s also similarly limited in perspective due to his status and lack of humbling experiences. i’ll try to do more complex analysis in addition to memeing on him, if/when opportunities arise

Nikandros was shaking his head. ‘Or do you really think he’s forgiven you for killing his brother?’ ‘No. He hates me for it.’ He said it steadily, without flinching. ‘But he hates his uncle more. He needs us. And we need him.’

damen going full ant with a bindle :(((

‘You need him enough that you would strip me of my home, because he asked you to?’ ‘Yes,’ said Damen.

nik private twitter vent #8. this time he literally just tweets a single “.”

The men came to attention as he passed, and said only, ‘Exalted,’ if he spoke. It was not like sitting around a campfire swilling wine, exchanging low tales and ribald speculations.

he should be at the club

Jord and the other Veretians from Ravenel had been sent back to Laurent to rejoin his army in the extravagant tents at Fortaine.

jord and the others standing awkwardly nearby laurent’s tent, trying to ignore the muffled adele ballad playing within

Alone, he didn’t have to be King.

i can’t believe that damen, groomed from birth for eventual kingship, now resents that kingship almost exclusively because it means he can’t be boyfriends with laurent. blonde man brainrot

He wasn’t alone. She was naked, at the base of the stark pallet, her full breasts hanging downwards, her forehead to the floor. She didn’t have palace training, and so could not quite disguise the fact that she was nervous. Her fair hair was caught back from her face in a fragile clasp, a northern custom. She was perhaps nineteen or twenty, her body trained and ready for him. She had prepared a bath in an unadorned wooden tub, so that if he pleased he might make use of it; or of her.

the way this is written, especially in the context of the series so far, makes this hard to read as anything other than revolting. i think this is due to a few craft elements:

the clinical description, lacking sensuality entirely

damen relating the things he’s observing to the aspects of the institution that he understands (she wasn’t trained in the palace = slaves are trained to do this. she was placed here for him to use = she didn’t show up here because she wanted to be here, or even knew him at all, or wanted pleasure of her own). unlike his past self, who passively understood the institution but chose not to think too hard about what it implied, the mental connections damen has made through being a slave himself prevent him from regarding this slave with the same thoughtlessness

damen's observations portray the anxiety and vulnerability of the slave, rather than willingness or submission. in book 1 we have a lot of moments where damen thinks of slaves as lovely, sweet, aimless non-people, almost like they're lobotomized. he regards them in a way that's both condescending and unconcerned for their free will, because they don't want or need free will, because they're slaves. his issue with the mistreatment of the akielion slaves in vere wasn't with their enslavement itself; it was with the cruelty of their masters, non-slaves who have free will and therefore should use it honorably. at the time, he truly believed that, as long as a master is kind, a slave has no reason to feel anxious or vulnerable or afraid, because there is honor in a slave's submission. if book 1 damen noticed that a slave was nervous, he would have found it adorable and charming, and would have taken it as an invitation to prove himself a caring master. but that doesn't even cross his mind here, while noticing this slave's nervousness in book 3.

another interesting craft detail: a sort of parallelism in the last part. damen notices that the bath, an object, has been prepared for him—just as the slave, a person, has been prepared for him. he groups them together, in that their same designated function is to be used: "he could make use of it; or of her." and that's where he stops the description altogether, because i don't think he feels comfortable with what that similarity between person and object implies.

it's easy to simply tell a reader that a character has evolved. if this story was written by a different author, there might have just been a moment where damen said out loud, "actually i've realized that slavery is bad," while the topic was otherwise avoided beyond its relevance to the story.

it's much harder to show, consistently throughout the story, exactly how that evolution has occurred, and the difference in damen's perspective compared to how he'd thought about slavery at the start. well done, pacat.

He had known that there were slaves with Nikandros’s army, following behind with the carts and the supplies. He had known that when he returned to Akielos there would be slaves.

… but seeing it in person is still viscerally uncomfortable

‘Get up,’ he heard himself say, awkwardly, a wrong order for a slave. There was a time when he would have expected this, and known how to behave around it. He would have appreciated the charm of her rustic northern skills, and bedded her, if not tonight then certainly in the morning. Nikandros knew him, and she was his type. She was Nikandros’s best, that was evident; a slave from his personal retinue, perhaps even his favourite, because Damen was his guest and his King. She got up. He didn’t speak. She had a collar around her neck, and metal cuffs around her small wrists that were like the one that he— ‘Exalted,’ she said, quietly. ‘What is wrong?’ He let out a strange, unsteady breath. He realised that his breathing had been unsteady for some time, that his flesh was unsteady. That the silence had been stretching out between them too long. ‘No slaves,’ said Damen. ‘Tell the Keeper. Send no one else. For the length of the campaign I will be dressed by an adjutant, or a squire.’

see my previous comment. this is really well-done, especially the panic attack-esque reaction and ptsd trigger. i made a comment a WHILE ago about the way both damen and laurent have ptsd in this series, but it manifests differently due to their proximity to their own traumas. laurent’s trauma was prolonged but a few years in the past; he’s had a lot of time to learn how to cope with it since. but damen’s trauma began when the story began, and it’s been intense and unrelenting basically the whole time: his father’s death, kastor and jokaste’s betrayal, his enslavement, his time in arles, his loss of identity by laurent’s side, and his forced return to his royal identity and obligations. that’s a lot of shit to unpack, and most of it is still happening. it's raw, and damen has had no time to process. nor has he received comfort, or even acknowledgement of what's happened to him as the trauma it is.

"he realised that his breathing had been unsteady for some time." this is a person experiencing a ptsd trigger for what might be the very first time, realizing as it happens just how quickly and thoroughly trauma can disorient his mental, physical, and emotional awareness and self-control. there is the complex intellectual development i discussed in the previous comment re: damen's feelings about slavery, but it's also this visceral gut reaction that tells damen and the reader that things will never be the same.

‘Wait.’ He couldn’t send her naked through the camp. ‘Here,’ he unpinned his cloak, and whirled it around her shoulders. He felt the wrongness of it, pushing against every protocol. ‘The guard will escort you back.’

he felt the wrongness of doing the right thing, but he still did it anyway. i think that is a big moment for damen, especially relating to akielion slavery.

i know i talk a lot about laurent in these notes, because i love laurent very much. but i also love damen, and i’m glad that he is our narrator. his pov is a big reason why these books work, in their chosen genre, at all. and i do think that this genre was a choice—laurent may be living a gritty psychological thriller, but a big theme of the series as a whole is that laurent was sweet in the past, and has the right to a life where he can be sweet again. but laurent, as we meet him at the start of these books, is heartless by choice. damen is many things, but he is never heartless. and whatever genre these books are, i think they're deeply defined by the fact that they're written with heart. they are not cynical, and they are not jaded. that's why damen, and not laurent, is our narrator. laurent's cynicism and jadedness are a foil to damen's idealism and trusting/forgiving nature. while damen does have some things to learn from laurent about strategy and cultural misconceptions, the ethos of the series matches damen's emotional and philosophical outlook far more than laurent's. ultimately, damen's heart helps laurent reclaim his sweetness, and become a better ruler and happier person. damen's heart is also what leads damen himself to reform akielion slavery, unite his kingdom with vere, and step out from his father's shadow. this is, at the end of the day, damen's story. and i don't think it would be the same story, with the same meaning or heart, if it was told by anyone else.

which, regarding meaning—in addition to the individual chapters, i do want to start thinking more about some of the more overarching things going on with capri. so i might as well start now. and if i had to start formulating an overall series thesis at this point in the re-read, i think it would have something to do with the concepts of submission and captivity.

captivity and submission both imply, in our common perception, a coerced and degrading loss of free will. and we certainly see that, in the way damen and laurent have both been held captive and degraded throughout their stories. we also see how, despite being victims themselves, they both have used captivity and submission to coerce and degrade others (laurent coerces and degrades damen to avenge his brother) and deny them free will (damen is complicit in the institution of akielion slavery, which denies slaves free will). for a lot of the series, damen and laurent are in constant disagreement about which of them is morally worse—damen thinks laurent is worse because of the coercion and degradation, laurent thinks damen is worse, and therefore deserves the coercion and degradation, because damen is complicit in akielion slavery and killed his brother. but we as the reader start to realize, as the series goes on, that they're both right about some things, both wrong about other things, both hypocrites on occasion, both doing harm, both trying to help, both captors, and both captives.

from this, it would make sense to assume that captivity and submission are the problem here, and the story's thesis is that those concepts are always dishonorable. however, i don't think that's the point at all. i think capri is about the ways captivity and submission can be honorable, if actively chosen with the moral responsibility, complex thought, and emotional depth of a person with free will. after all, what are loyalty and integrity, if not freely-chosen emotional and intellectual captivity? what are vulnerability and attachment, if not physical and emotional submission freely given?

damen and laurent are both complicated people who do dishonorable things. however, in their own respective arcs and in their shared romantic plotline, they both come to understand the multifaceted nature of captivity and submission, and reclaim those concepts as sources of empowerment, healing, and positive change. it's the difference between damen being forced to submit to laurent as a slave in arles in book 1, and damen choosing to stay by laurent's side in book 2 as a man. it's the difference between laurent submitting to his uncle, being manipulated into vulnerability so he can degraded and abused, and submitting to damen, making himself vulnerable despite his trauma so he can be truly loved and cared for.

this isn't a fully formed thesis yet, but it's good to at least get it cooking. and i'm not trying to guess the author's intention as much as summarize my own succinct interpretation. there isn't, like, One Right Answer here, and i'm not setting out to read the author's mind.

but still, i dunno, man… i think i'm onto something. after all, we have these major arcs about damen realizing slavery is wrong and laurent struggling with submission, and yet both of them proudly choose to keep the cuffs. and in a more metatextual sense, the evolution of this story's genre and purpose (slavekink erotica -> whatever the fuck these books are) is not irrelevant. so i'll keep an eye on it, and hopefully come up with something solid by the end of the re-read. i unironically love the challenge of writing a succinct thesis, which is not the nerdiest thing i've ever said, but it's definitely in the top 5.

[theetherealbloom]

UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 4

Chapter Four: An Orchestration of Dissonance And Innocent Surrender

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Mention of catcalling, men being awful, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing

Word Count: 11.1k

A/N: HELLO UM! THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU AGAIN! UM AHHHH T^T I love you guys so much, thank you for all the kind words and comments. The reblogs and then PUTTING ME IN FIC RECS WHAT– O_O Thank you guys again so so so so so much! You deserve the world <3 And as always, I put my little outline and thoughts at the end notes! Mwa ilysm

Song: Bigger Than Love by Oh Wonder

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD – 2023

OLD ABANDONED TRUCK STOP– DAY

You three are at an abandoned truck stop and fully aged, weathered vehicles surround the area. The sun shone on your skin as you waited for Ellie just outside the restroom door after she demanded privacy for a bit to relieve herself. You didn’t question the kid, it was the least you could do for her. 

You’re secretly admiring Joel from a distance, and you watch Joel prepare the red large gas can, a clear long tube, and a siphon. Promptly, you hear the sound of the restroom door slamming open and you look at Ellie, “You good?” She nods cheerfully at you, “Yep. All good.” And then you both approach Joel, the gravel crunching beneath your feet as you did, and you slowly take notice that the asphalt has lifted from the ground strangely. You stop walking and quizzically stare at the lifted asphalt, your eyebrows knit together and you kneel down to take a better look at it, Ellie looks at you like you’ve gone insane, “Are you alright?” she asks you, and you keep your eyes focused on the ground, “Yeah, just… It’s hopefully nothing.” You say in response and push yourself upright, “Let’s go see what Joel is up to.”

Joel is currently kneeling on one knee and feeding both tubes in the tank, Ellie stands in front of him while you stand to the left of her, “We have to do this every hour?” she asked in a bored tone. Joel glances at her in acknowledgment then continues on with the siphon, “Gas breaks down over time. This stuff’s almost water.” He grabs a rag to create a seal around the tubes, “Back in the day, we’d drive 10, 12 hours on one tank. You could go anywhere.” He says as you and Ellie continue to watch him keenly, “So where’d you go?” she questioned, and he looks up at the both of you, “Pretty much nowhere.” Joel subsequently blows air into the short tube, which forces air through the short tube and increases the pressure of the air above the gas in the tank, causing it to flow through the longer tube and into the gas can. You lean your weight on one of the rusted cars and fold your arms in front of you. 

“Nice! How does that work?” Ellie asks Joel and you tilt your head to the side to listen to his response, “It’s a siphon. It’s when liquid… travels against gravity because pressure…” Ellie’s lips are pressed together as she says, “You don’t know.” He stares at her before asserting, “I know it works.” She chuckles and you smirk at him, “Want me to explain it or…” He only mumbles, “Smartass,” and you roll your eyes, something truly possessed you to be bold for a moment, because you teasingly reply, “But you secretly like it.”

It earns you a look from him that causes your heartbeat to accelerate and it suddenly becomes a little harder to breathe, he only pulls away because he spots Ellie turning around to wander off, “No wanderin’.” He tells her seriously, she stops short and sighs, before saying, “Okay. This is your fault then.” She places her bag atop one of the abandoned, rusty cars, and pulls out a book with the title ‘No Pun Intended Volume Too by Will Livingston’, Joel watches her bewildered and perplexed as she reads out one of the puns from the book, “It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.” She gives a little laugh and you smile at her merriment as she shows Joel the book cover, “‘No Pun Intended Volume Too by Will Livingston.’ Volume Too. Look. You get it? ‘Too’ Like, T-O-O.” And Joel huffs and begins to stand up with a peeved look, “Oh Jesus.” But Ellie pushes on and says, “What did the mermaid wear to her math class?” You and Joel look at each other, then at Ellie, waiting for her to say the punch line, and you watch her as she slowly leans forward slowly before saying, “‘An algae bra.’ Like, algae bra.” She laughs out loud before speaking again, “I stayed up all night wondering–” To which Joel shakes his head at her, “No,” but this doesn’t deter her at all and goes on, “ where the sun went and then it dawned on me.” 

Seemingly annoyed he gruffly says to her, “Feel free to wait in the truck,” and she exhales, “Okay, but just know, you can’t escape Will Livingston. He’ll be back.” Ellie puts her book in her pack and before leaving you both she says, “There’s nothing you can do to stop him.” Joel says nothing as he also leans on the old rusting car with his arms crossed, and Ellie goes to wait in the truck. You let the silence settle and give him a little bit of peace before calling out to him, “Joel.” He says nothing but he does bring his eyes to look at you. “You know it’s okay to like her. Right?” You said with the softest eyes and kind smile, and he just shakes his head, “I can’t.” You deeply exhale and push yourself off the hood of the car to stand in front of him, “You can’t or you won’t?” And he looks down at his boots, “Can’t.”

You didn’t want to put any more discomfort and decided to simply nod instead, “Okay.” He slowly brings his head up to give you a suspicious look, “Okay?” You nod, “Mhm, okay.” His eyes narrow, “That’s it? No tryin’ to change my mind?” You shrug in response, “I have a feeling you’ll do that on your own. Anyways, the gas can is full.” You raise your eyebrows, “Need any help carrying that thing?” He grumpily bends down to pick up the heavy gas can and his voice timber and low says, “I could carry you and this back to the truck if I wanted to.” You feel your brain short-circuits for a second, the warmth spreads throughout your whole body and your eyes widened in embarrassment, “Um, I’m just gonna… mhm.” And you turn to run to the truck. Joel lets out a breathy chuckle, smirking the whole time as he watches your figure run.

ON THE ROAD - NOON

The blue Chevy pulls out of the gas station and Joel has one hand on the steering wheel and his right rest on the console, while you are sitting next to him in the passenger seat, looking out at the window studying the environment, and Ellie is content in the backseat. You feel an unease settle in and create a home in your bones, not knowing what could happen terrifies you. Every possibility in your mind pops in and out, and you ponder which part of the video game did they keep or change. 

“Must’ve been some truck.” Ellie says as she peers through the window glass at the back of the vehicle, Joel grunts in agreement and explains why the highways are so clear, “Yeah, they used to stick big ass plows on the back and clear the road for their tanks and such.” Ellie finds all of this very exciting and exclaims, “I wanna see a tank!” Joel looks at her from the rearview mirror and simply says, “You will.” Your eyes shift to look at Joel as he keeps talking with a wearied cynicism, “Tanks, choppers, all that stuff, but they’ll fight the wrong enemy. Just scattered around now.” 

Ellie digs through the utility pocket behind the passenger seat to find another cassette tape, she raises up enthusiastic and eager, “I got something. Here. This make you all nostalgic?” She says as she pushes up to show Joel, he takes it and you peer over to look at the title cover, ‘Hank Williams, The Original Singles Collection’, Joel replies, “This is actually before my time.” And Ellie goes to sit back properly in the backseat, “Great.” 

He hums appreciatively, “It’s a winner, though.” When he places the cassette tape in the player, the rattling sound of plastic can be heard before the music begins and he cranks up the volume. Joel miraculously smiles as he listens to the song, “Oh, man.” And you raise an eyebrow at him, “Of course, you’d like this, it’s cowboy music.” You said and he lets out a small but beautiful chuckle, which causes your body to heat up. The young girl continues to explore the back of the truck, digging through the other utility pocket, you hear a quiet rustling of paper as she whips out a magazine, “Got something else.” 

Joel looks at the rearview mirror again to look at Ellie, while you turn to look at what she has and your eyes nearly fall out of their sockets, and so does hers. “It’s light on the reading, but it has some interesting pictures.” Your shoulders begin to shake as you try and hold in your laugh as Joel seemingly panics, “No. No, no, no. Put that back, that’s not for kids.” Ellie doesn’t listen and continues to flip through the pages, “How would he even walk around with that thing?” God, you tried to hold it in but couldn’t anymore, you’re now full-on grinning and laughing so loud and carefree, while Joel is trying his best to get Ellie to cooperate, “Please get rid of it.” 

“Hold your horses. I wanna see what all the fuss is about.” Ellie says as she analyzes the magazine, while you’re practically wheezing and happy that they incorporated this part of the video game. Joel practically gives up but Ellie decides to innocently say, “Why are all these pages stuck together?” Joel has a baffled look on his face as he lets out an, “Uh… The…” Your mouth hangs wide open for a moment and you curl your hand into a fist, bringing it to your mouth to bite back from cackling again. Ellie puts him out of his misery and slaps him on the shoulder, “I’m just fucking with you.” And throws the adult magazine out the window, it flutters out into the wind and onto the side of the road, yelling out, “Bye-bye, dude!”

You smile and think to yourself, joy itself always seems to end before we want it to. Brief and ephemeral. So, this time, you decide to let go and in this moment you can breathe. It lives in your periphery. In the corner of your eyes. Suddenly, it shows up and the surprise adds to its beauty. A gratitude for all that follows

ON THE ROAD AND TO THE FOREST - CIVIL TWILIGHT

Time moves quickly as Joel continues to drive and Ellie silently watches the view from the window. You take note of the cows grazing on grass, the cars that were left to rot, and the familiar landmarks crumbling down as mother intended to take back what was hers. They must have cried themselves a hurricane because there was an earthquake and an avalanche of change. The echo, as vast as the equator, spreads across a world of bottled-up anger, and it's too late to prevent it now.

As the hours pass by and the sun slowly begins to set, you check on Ellie from the rearview, she looks fatigued from all the driving and so do you, it’s been a while since your last road trip, and you barely had time for yourself since you were stuck in the lab all day and night. Joel sees your weary eyes and frown, he also sees a similar look to Ellie, and he decides to tell you both, “All right. That’s enough for today.” He places both of his hands to turn the wheel to the right, driving off the road and into the field, straight into a thick forest filled with tall evergreen trees. 

The truck comes to a stop and you all prepare to camp out for the night. You help Joel cook and prepare dinner and Ellie keeps herself occupied as she pokes around the dirt with a stick. The smell of canned ravioli fills your lungs and your mouth begins to water. Joel taps the edge of the pot, indicating that it’s cooked and you call for Ellie to sit down for dinner. The three of you sit down in a semi-circle, with you in the middle, and Joel and Ellie on each side. You gently blow on the hot ravioli before bringing the food into your mouth, chewing quietly, and amusingly watch Ellie scarf down her food quickly. Joel looks at her kind of bothered by her manners, “Slow down.” He said, and she replies with a mouthful of food, “This is slow. What am I even eating?” Joel cuts hit food using his fork and knife and answers, “That is 20-year-old Chef Boyardee ravioli.” Ellie brings another piece of pasta and answers while chewing, “That guy was good.” Joel hums in agreement, “I actually agree.” And you nod appreciatively as you finish your food. 

“How long are we staying out here?” Ellie asks Joel and you look to him for his response, “I figure I’d sleep tonight and drive tomorrow all day, all night get us to Wyoming by next morning.” Ellie plays with her food as she asks, “So can we start a fire? I’m freezing.” Joel gives a pointed stare, “Now why am I gonna tell you no?” She shrugs and guesses, “Because the infected will see the smoke.” He shakes his head at her, “No. Fungus isn’t that smart. This is too remote for infected, anyway.” The answer dawns on Ellie and asks, “People?” And Joel nods, his answer to her question. She continues to press for more information, “So what are they gonna do? Rob us?” And you frown, knowing exactly what people do during war or a crisis, morals are thrown out the window and everyone can do as they please. Every crime, assault, and misdemeanor is seen as means to an end, which is to take and survive. Your knuckles turn white as you grip your fork, angry at the world and the people who choose to do all forms of wrong. Joel warns her, “Well, they’ll have way more in mind than that.” Ellie nods while pouting, “Okay.”

LOCATION UNKNOWN, A FOREST – NIGHT

Your eyes are well-versed in the dark and the mind was then created to illumine the heart. And when every constellation suddenly emerged, the remote was drawn so close by telescopes and computations. You inhale, exhale, and reset. Realizing, every living creature is in a continual state of uncertainty. Even with all of your past, you’ve just scratched the surface of what it all implies. Ellie prepares her sleeping bag and so do you, placing yours in between hers and Joel’s. “Actually smells kinda good.” Ellie said as she continues to unfold the sleeping bag, you hear Joel comment, “Well, that would be Frank’s then.” She tucks herself in and you help her as you do, lightly patting the blanket as she settles comfortably. You do the same and now you’re flat on your back as you gaze at the stars illuminating the darkness and listen to the quiet rustling of the branches and leaves of the trees, the melodies sung by the chirping of crickets. Joel checks the chamber of the rifle and ensures that it’s loaded and ready just in case of an ambush, then he places it next to him. You hear Ellie take something out of her backpack and you had a sneaking suspicion it was the No Pun Intended book. The light of the lantern slowly fades away and the shadows follow the rules and the darkness expands around all of you.

Joel is facing away from the both of you and Ellie whips out her flashlight and quickly glances at her favorite book, clicks off the light, and aloud she calls out both of your names, you look at her but Joel doesn’t respond at first, you slide out a little to lean a bit forward to his side and tap him on the shoulder, “What?” he asks, and Ellie responds, “Can I ask you a serious question?” And without hesitation, he says, “Yeah.” You smile knowingly at what was about to happen as she questions, “Why did the scarecrow get an award?” A beat passes between the three of you, and you and Joel whisper simultaneously, “Because he was outstanding in his field.” Ellie rises from her sleeping bag and exclaims, “You dicks!”

A large grin spreads across your face and Joel turns around to face the other direction, Ellie begins to interrogate the two of you, “Did both of you read this?” You hear the smile in Joel’s voice as he answers, “No.” And you give an airy chuckle, “Nope.” He sighs and then tells you both, “Now go to sleep.” Ellie makes a noise of suspicion but says nothing as she tucks the book into her sleeping pouch, the hoot of an owl can be heard from above, and the howls of coyotes from a distance. 

Ellie is also gazing up at the stars with you now and begins to appreciate the way they glow and shimmer. You move your head to look at Ellie and whisper, “Psst. Ellie…” She turns her head to your side, “Yeah?” And in a hushed tone, you ask, “Do you wanna learn something about constellations?” She nods enthusiastically, “Yeah!” And you begin to whisper the explanation and details, you point and trace your fingers at the stars, your rickety astrology determined to give her hope, “Orion's belt is right above the equator of the Earth. Everyone, and everywhere can see just stars in that area. A star placed above one of the poles, such as the North Star, and concealed from us in the opposing hemisphere, obstructed by Earth itself.” 

She is looking at you with her eyes as big as summer tomatoes, full of admiration and awe at your intelligence like you have all the answers, and wonders if she will ever be a woman like you. She seeks an answer to her next question, “Is Orion like a place?” You smile and in a soft voice you say, “No, he’s someone from greek mythology. In the stores, he was a giant and very handsome hunter, who had many affairs and lovers. Either his assault on or admiration for a goddess named Artemis, another god named Zeus placed him amongst the stars as punishment. Stories and text sometimes get lost in translation.”

This is when she learned to wish on stars, content she hums an appreciative thank you and you give a small smile in return. After another beat passes, Ellie poses a new question, this time aimed at Joel, who had been listening to the two of you the whole time but stayed quiet, “Those people you said… there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? No one’s gonna find us.” 

Her words hang in the air briefly, “No one’s gonna find us.” Joel reassures her and Ellie responds with a quiet, “Okay.” She turns in for the night and begins to fall asleep. There is a sudden weight on your chest when she asked her query, and you suddenly feel nauseous at the thought of anything happening to Ellie and Joel. You close your eyes and swallow away the urge to vomit, and with the darkness, you’ve seen, your tired eyes rest and allow yourself to sleep for a while. But if you had stayed up just a little longer, you would have heard Joel leave his sleeping bag and reach for his rifle, and his footsteps walking a distance away from you and Ellie, ensuring your safety as he watches and anticipates any sign of danger, his guilt for scaring the girl keeps him up all night and the thought of you getting hurt. He holds his rifle ready, protecting the two of you who quietly snore into the night.

LOCATION UNKNOWN, A FOREST – DAWN

The sound of chirping birds wakes you and you groggily sit up. You look to your left to see Ellie who was still sound asleep, and then you see Joel standing watch with his rifle, you have a suspicion he didn’t actually sleep and Ellie’s concern kept him up. You sigh and quietly leave your sleeping bag, down your arms, a thousand satellites discover the cool breeze in the air, causing you to shiver and wrap your arms around yourself to salvage some warmth. You stretch your arms up to the sky, trying to wake your body to begin the day, then you hear the lime-green grass rustle and shake, creating whispers of sound beneath Joel’s boots as he walks toward you, glancing over your shoulder before turning to face him.

You feel his confident presence and your heart skips a beat, he greets you with his voice thick and smooth, “Mornin’.” You warmly say good morning to him in a hushed voice, you take a good look at him to see his deep eyebags, completely exhausted, and you ask, “Did you even sleep at all?” He doesn’t deny it as he shook his head, “No, I couldn’t.” You hum in response, already confirming what you thought, next, you inquire, “Do we have any coffee that I could brew? I have a feeling we’re going to need it.” 

“Did you not sleep well last night? Could hear you snorin’ from where I was standing.” Joel said with his tone straightforward and deep, you shrug, “Sometimes I wake up tired, and besides, I enjoy a good cup of coffee to start my day, it’s my morning ritual back home.” You make your way to the pouch of coffee grounds, open it, and inhale the aroma, and Joel observes you as you do.

You begin to brew both of your coffee, making enough to fit two insulated tumblers. You make your way into the forest, already telling Joel you needed to pee, and him reminding you in his thick Texan accent, “If you don’t get your ass back here in five minutes, I’m comin' to look for you.” After finding a bush and relieving yourself, you stand by one of the tall thick trees, leaning your weight against the trunk of the tree and crossing your arms as you watch Ellie and Joel from a distance.

You close your eyes for a moment to steady yourself and your breathing, trying to recall parts of the game you’ve seen, a little peek at what could be adapted. Unfortunately, you knew the ending of the first and second games, and you knew there was nothing you could do for the first, but the second one however…

Joel yells your name, telling you to come back already and you jog your way back, not wanting to make them wait. No one says anything as you pack up camp and hop in the truck, this time letting Ellie sit in the passenger seat while you sit in the back. The engine of the truck revs to life and Joel drives you out of the woods and back onto the highway.

Joel takes a loud sip of his coffee while you are still blowing away the steam, Ellie doesn’t seem to be impressed with the drink as she comments, “Is that seriously what those Starbucks in the QZ used to sell?” With one hand on the steering wheel, he lowers his thermos and retorts, “Well, theirs was a lot fresher than Bill saved up but, yeah, this is what they sold.” The young girl looks at it in disgust, “Smells like… burnt shit.” Joel wanting to be slightly petty, takes a long, loud, pointed sip of his coffee, before turning to Ellie saying, “Eyes on the map, or else I’m askin’ you to switch seats with Birdie.”

Your heart flutters at the nickname but you hide your smile by sipping your own coffee, looking out the window as you do. Ellie smirks knowingly at Joel but doesn’t push any further, she begins to give directions, “76 West, and then… 70 West for, like, ever. Where in Wyoming did you say your brother was?” And to your surprise, Joel indulges her, “Last contact came through a radio tower close to Cody.” Ellie straightens the map to find the tower, “Cody. Cody… Cody. Man. That is deep up in there.” Joel glances then reply, “Yeah.” The young curious kid asks him, “And if he’s not there?” He thoughtfully sighs, “Then odds are he’ll be near a settlement probably close to another city out there. Ain’t too many of them in Wyoming.”

“Chee-Yen.” Ellie tries to pronounce it, and Joel corrects her, “Cheyenne.” She looks at him in disbelief, “Che… Really?” He nods as she goes on to trace her finger along the map, “Cheyenne, Laramie… Casper? What’s his name?” Joel then asks, “Whose name?” She throws back, “Your brother.” He grunts out, “Tommy.” You smile to yourself, knowing that tone of voice is him trying to build invisible walls around himself to protect whatever he has left of his family. “Younger or older?” Ellie persists, and he answers immediately, “Younger.”

“Why isn’t he with you?” She asked and you watch Joel try to evade her inquiry, “Long story.” Ellie never knowing when to give up, persists, “Is it longer than twenty-five hours? Because I think that’s what we got.” Joel looks at Ellie with a pointed stare, mouth slightly open ready to scold her but realizes she has a point. He glances at the rearview to see you looking back at him, waiting for his choice.

His eyes go back to the road as he speaks, “Tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. Dreams of becoming a hero. So he enlisted in the Army right out of high school. A few months later, they ship him off to Desert Storm.”

Ellie turns to him quizzically but stays silent as he carries on, “It’s what they called that war. It doesn’t matter. Point is, being in the Army didn’t make him feel much of a hero. Cut to twelve years later, outbreak happens. He convinces me to join a group making their way up to Boston which I did, mostly to keep an eye on him, keep him alive.” He glances at the rearview mirror again and this time you aren’t staring back, you’re resting your head on the window, listening intently, “It’s where we met Tess.”

He takes a swig of his coffee before continuing, “And that whole crew, we… Well, for what it was, it worked. And then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him into joining the Fireflies. Same mistake he made when he was eighteen.” Joel shakes his head in disapproval and his tone shifts into cynicism, “Wants to save the world. Pipe dream. Him, Fireflies, all of them… delusional.”

You blink blankly and frown, not agreeing with his view but understanding where he’s coming from. His world ended when Sarah died, and since she’s gone he has no reason to go back to the way things were. 

“‘Course, last I heard, he quit the Fireflies too. So now he’s on his own out there and… I gotta go get him.” He states and takes a long sip of the rest of his coffee, while Ellie tries to make sense of his story, another question pops into her mind as she quietly asks him, “If you don’t think there’s hope for the world why bother going on? I mean, you gotta try, right?” A beat passes, and then he answers grimly, “You haven’t seen the world, so you don’t know. You keep going for family. That’s about it.”

Ellie moves her eyes to look at him, “I’m not family?” And he shakes his head, “No. You’re cargo.” Your form shrinks a little bit and think to yourself, and you secretly figure that Joel doesn’t mean that, but doesn’t want her treating him like a father yet.

You quietly exhale and will yourself to stop bouncing your leg up and down, grounding yourself. “And I made a promise to Tess. And she was like family.” Ellie nods before bringing up more possibilities,  “What if you don’t find him?” It doesn’t take him long to reply, “I will.” She shoots back, “How do you know?” With a voice so sure and confident, he says, “I’m persistent.”

And you swore you saw him glance at you from the rearview mirror for a millisecond, but you weren’t so sure, you chalked it up to your wishful thinking. It was quiet for a bit before Joel speaks to Ellie, “You got up pretty early. If you wanna grab more sleep…” Ellie immediately replies, “Pfft. I’m not even tired.”

Ellie was in fact tired, after ten minutes of saying that, she fell into a deep sleep, and her snores echoed in the car. After two or three hours Joel pulls over at the side of the road, telling you to switch seats with Ellie since he needs help reading the map. You decided not to question it and got out of the truck as he did the same. You watched him quietly open the door, and carry Ellie from the passenger side to the back seat where he gently set her. 

You climb into the passenger seat and wait for Joel to sit in the driver’s seat. The map was now on your lap and you gently traced the piece of paper, lines stretching out, with too many miles to count. Dots reminds you of where you’ve been, sometimes it feels like your inner compass breaks, and your steady true north fades. You try and reassure yourself it’ll be just fine, that whatever comes next, you’ll handle it together.

Joel quietly speaks your name so as to not disturb Ellie, you look up at him  from the map, one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the armrest console, “Tell me somethin’ good about your world.” He grumbles, and you stagger a bit before saying, “You actually believe what I said back then? You believe me?”

He shrugs with one shoulder and taps on the steering wheel, “There’s a fuckin’ apocalypse. My guess is that anythin’ could be possible now.” You lightly chuckle, “Yeah, I guess so.”

You stayed silent for a moment, trying to come up with an answer, any kind of answer, and you settle for the truth, “I don’t know. Besides the fact, we have no infected and our technology is more advanced, everything is still the same. Same landmarks, problems, the people hate the government but still need it, choosing the lesser of two evils and everyday people trying their damn best.”

He gruffly says to you, “Would prefer that over this shit.” You let out a huff, “Yeah, that’s valid.”

“Tell me about your home.” He says, and you raise an eyebrow, “Are you asking or demanding? Also, why are you suddenly so curious about me?” He’s unsure for a moment but he answers, “You already know stuff about me. It’s only fair.” Your lips form a line as you press them against each other, and your eyes shift to look at the map instead of him, “I thought you didn’t want to hear about any of our histories?”

“I think we broke that rule the moment Ellie kept askin’ about my life.” Your eyes wrinkle as you smile, “There isn’t much to say, and also I don’t really like talking about myself.” He harrumphs, “Why? You’re a scientist and incredibly smart.” You bring your eyes back to him and give him a look of disbelief, “Did you just say something nice?” His face sours and grumpily murmurs, “Don’t tell anyone.” 

“Oh, I’m definitely telling Ellie later,” You smile teasingly at him, and he shakes his head, “So, what did you research, discover, or whatever?” And that question causes you to inhale through your nose deeply, “Um, in 2022 three scientists were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for experiments with entangled photons, establishing the violation of Bell inequalities and pioneering quantum information science. Basically, they got awarded for their research and I took an interest in what they found. I had a theory with what they discovered with quantum teleportation.”

Joel didn’t really understand the science jargon that was spitting out of your mouth so fast like lightning, but he was intrigued, “What was your theory?” You nervously removed the dirt from your fingernails as you replied, “It’s a little complicated.” He retorts, “I’m beginning to think that’s your favorite line.” You bite the inner walls of your cheek and exhale loudly through your nose. Joel senses you didn’t want to discuss it any further and the quiet returns. Only the muffled rumbling of the engine and the sound of the tires rolling on the pavement. The only occasional noise from the two of you was asking for directions from Joel and you giving him a prompt reply.

The hours go by quickly and the sun is beginning to set, the orange glow illuminating both of your faces. The truck begins to pull up to the outskirts of Kansas City and you silently pray that this will all go smoothly.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

KANSAS CITY - SUNSET

Ellie awakens shortly after you pull up to the tunnel and Joel slowly presses on the brakes to put the truck to stop. Joel turns off the engine and turns to you both before opening the door, “Stay put.” He grabs the rifle from the back and proceeds to scout the area. Ellie kindly asks to switch with you again and for a moment you almost decline, your gut feeling telling you something is wrong, but couldn’t resist the kid and again move to the back while she moves upfront.

Joel sees the tunnel to Kansas City is blocked by a SaraLee bread truck and you watch him make his way back to the truck. He opens the back door and places the rifle beside you and goes back to the driver's seat. “Where are we?” Ellie asks and he quickly replies, “Kansas City.” Ellie gives him the map and you lean over Joel’s shoulder to analyze the map, “How far back do we have to go to get around this?” The young girl questions and you watch Joel trace his finger along the many red lines. He shakes his head and sighs in frustration before deciding, “Screw it.” And he turns the key to start the truck up again. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks and Joel answers as he performs a three-point turn, “We can jog right around this tunnel take the next ramp and we’re back on the road, minute tops.” You look out the window and see the rusting cars and burned corpses of people, shuddering, you try and remember a portion of the game for some clue of what was about to happen. You weren’t in Pittsburgh, but the way this was adapted would still have the very important elements of the original intellectual property. Fuck.

Joel enters the city and it’s eerily quiet, you take note of the empty streets and zero signs of runners. “Where the fuck is the highway?” Joel states frustrated and Ellie retorts, “I can’t tell from this. I’m all turned around.” You hear him get irritated, “Don’t look at the state map. Look at the inset.” 

“I don’t know where we are in that either! It’s my second day in a fucking car, man. I mean, I think we’re heading north?” Joel continues to drive and you keenly observe your surroundings and see something unusual, you spot a pile of ash and remains of people as he drives by. “It’s gotta be right. What the fuck?” He says and you try and voice your concerns, “Joel, there’s um,” but he quickly fires back, “Not now Birdie.” And you deflate a little but keep trying, “Joel, something is–” But Ellie yells out, “Stop!” The tires shriek as he steps on the breaks, and Ellie stares at something wide-eyed and you do too, “Is that the QZ?” The gates were wide open without a single FEDRA officer in sight and completely vacated, your mouth hangs open, “Shit.” Ellie presses on, “Where the fuck is FEDRA?” As if on queue, you hear someone yell, “Hey!” All three of your heads whip to the sound of the man’s voice, he’s clutching his lower abdomen and yelling out, “Please help!”

“Put your seatbelt on,” Joel demands and you and Ellie follow, you clutch on the assist grips above the car, knowing this isn’t gonna go well. “Aren’t we gonna help him?” Ellie asks innocently, “No.” You and Joel answer quickly, he floors it and the man moves out of the way screaming, “Fuck! Go… go!”

Ellie looks above and shrieks, “Joel!” And a cylinder brick falls from the sky, crashing atop the windshield glass, cracks, and fractures are created and you hear the tires pop, and you assume they’ve laid down spikes. You gritted your teeth as Joel tries to get control of the truck, and another man tries to shoot you all down, “Fuck!” Having no other options, he crashes the truck into an old laundromat, and the impact causes you to jerk forward, hitting your head slightly in the seat in front of you.

“Are you okay?” Joel worriedly questions, “Yeah.” Ellie replies and he turns to see you slightly bleeding from your head, “Hummin’ bird, you okay?” And you quickly compose yourself, “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.” He then asks Ellie, “You’re not hurt? Nothing?” She shakes her head, “I don’t think so.”

The sound of gunfire cause the three of you to flinch and duck down for cover, Joel yells and commands, “Belts off. Fast!” And what he says goes, immediately you grab your pack and rifle from the backseat, the loud popping sounds of gunfire continue as you get out, and duck behind the truck. You toss Joel his rifle and you pull out your gun, you hear the taunts on the other side, “Let’s see you, motherfucker! Give us your shit, you’ll make it through this! We promise!”

Joel pulls off his safety and makes sure his rifle is loaded, he spots a hole in the walls of the laundromat and asks Ellie, “Hey, you see that hole? Can you squeeze through?” The gunfire doesn’t let up and she shakily nods, Joel realizes that time is running out before the enemy decides to push forward, he instructs Ellie while looking at her directly, “When I say go, you both crawl to that wall and you two squeeze through and you don’t come out until I say, okay?” You try and protest but the sound of another bullet swiftly breaks the class of the truck and all three of you flinch. 

Your breathing quickens and you feel the adrenaline coursing through you, while Joel’s chest bounces up and down as he pants, “And they’re not gonna hit you.” But Ellie isn’t listening, too scared and afraid of all the chaos ensuing, Joel growls, “Look at me!” She twists her head and her wide doe eyes look at him, frightened and unsure, he reassures her, “They’re not gonna hit you. You stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet.” Ellie nods reluctantly, “Mhm.” A pause during the gunfire, and you realize they’re reloading. “Okay.” He says and Ellie parrots to him, “Okay.” Joel takes that as his signal and yells to you both, “Go!” Ellie stays low and crawls through the wall, safe and secure for now. You however help Joel and shoot at the enemies. He yells your name, “What the fuck are you doing? I can handle this now go!” You shake your head and exclaim, “No! I can help you.”

He pulls you down, both of you crouching on the ground and cups one hand to hold your face, “Right now that kid is scared shitless and shouldn’t be alone.” You try again to object, but he stops you, “No, listen to me. Go through that hole and be with Ellie, she needs you.” You feel your eyes water and give him a sincere look, your voice breathy as you reply, “We both do.” His mouth parts and his eyes dart to your soft lips for just a second, so fast you almost missed it if your faces weren’t so close to each other, and at that moment your heartbeats were synchronized, and both of your breathing unsteady. Warmth fills you both and causes both of your eyes to dilate, similar to an eclipse.

Another gunshot rings out and it hits the cement on the ground, causing you to jump, Joel wipes away some of the dust on your cheek and intently says to you, “I’ve got this. I promise, now go.”

You blink back your tears and whisper, “Give 'em hell.” He stands up again to cover you while you crawl into the hole, to be with Ellie. Both of you have your back against the wall, and you try and steady your racing heartbeat.

“What about Joel?” She asks you, full of worry and concern. Instead of answering, you hug her close to you, and she buries her face on your stomach, as you try and shield her away from the noise and gunfire. Then there is a sudden silence, and you and Ellie take a peek from the hole in the wall, the sound of footsteps stepping over broke glass fills the space and you have your gun ready in one hand just in case and shield Ellie with your body.

He steps a bit closer to your hiding place and instantly there was a gunshot, you and Ellie turn away as you also held back a scream. Stillness fills the room and you try your best to listen for Joel to tell you to come out, only hearing him try and unjam his rifle. Then, the sudden slam of a door opening, and another loud pop could be heard. You hear grunts, groans, and yelling from the intruder and Joel, and Ellie urgently whispers, “We need to help him!”

You nod, and Ellie swiftly sidesteps you and climbs out of the hiding space and you go after her. You and her quietly step out and to your surprise, she’s holding her gun out, aiming directly at the unidentified man’s head, before you could even utter a word or try and stop her, she shoots him in the spine. Joel rolls over to the side coughing and wheezing as he tries to catch his breath. You gently approach Joel as he side-eyes Ellie but continues to cough, you begin first aid, loosen any tight clothing, remove the top button of his outer shirt and place your hand on his back to try and feel his lungs, and hear Ellie step a little closer to the man, her gun still aimed at him.

The man begins to plead, “No, no, no! It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over, we’re not fighting anymore.” Ellie doesn’t say anything and still has the gun pointed at him, “I’m gonna go home. I’ll tell everyone you’re good.” His face scrunches up and he begins to cry, “I don’t know what to do. My legs don’t work. My mom isn’t far if you can get me to her.”

Joel’s breathing returns to normal and you whisper, “You good?” And he only nods, angry and upset that he got caught off guard so easily. You help him up and hear the man still begging for his life, “We could trade with you guys. We could be friends. I didn’t know. I’m Bryan. I’m Bryan. What’s your name?” He continues to sob. 

Joel looks at Ellie angrily, and she sniffs. He doesn’t say anything but holds out his hand and she hands him her gun which he places in his back pocket. Joel pulls out his revolver, slowly turns around, and Bryan continues to beg, “Wait… wait.” He pulls out a knife and says, “You can have it. It’s a good knife.” You stand next to Ellie and watch Joel lean down and pick up the knife. His eyes are dark with rage as he looks at you and Ellie, his voice deep and dominant that fills a warmth in your belly, “Get back behind the wall.” 

Bryan instantly sobs, “No, no, no. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, we could just talk. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” You slowly grab Ellie to gently coax her away, and she follows, Bryan screams for his life as you step back inside the hole. Ellie hugs your middle as she lets a single tear roll down her cheek, and you hug her right back, covering her ears from his yelling and pleading. You hear the slashing of a knife and the sound of blood splattering.

You try and calm Ellie and stroke her hair as you murmur reassuringly, “We’ll be just fine.”  It was quiet for a second before you hear Joel’s booming voice calling you and Ellie, “I gotta get in there, I can’t fit through.” You wipe away her tears and gently pat her cheek, “We got this, yeah?” Ellie nods, “Mhm.”

You and her take a look around the room and Ellie yells out, “There’s some stuff against the door.” Joel is quick to reply, “Can you both move it?” You and Ellie nod at each other and work together to pull the table aside while Joel uses his arm to push the door open. He manages to get in and slams the door shut, “Let’s go. Fast.” He states and all three of you push the table back in its place. Joel looks at the both of you with concern, but Ellie quickly gets her bag and says, “I’m okay. I’m good.” You say nothing and also reach for your bag, quickly grabbing a bandaid from your first aid kit and then throwing it over your shoulder. Ellie approaches Joel and opens her pack, “I got some food in here still, and I got your light still.” He grabs it from her while you are on the side quietly and swiftly, placing a bandaid on your head, no time to disinfect it yet.

“What now?” Ellie asks, trying to be brave, and Joel observes her for a moment before saying, “We go up.” And she throws her back over her shoulders, “To get a better look?” You follow them both to a door and Joel responds, “Hopefully, we spot a clear route out.” He pushes the door open and clicks on the flashlight to check if it's safe, the only sound you could hear was the dripping of water from a leaky pipe, he turns to you both and says, “Stay close.” Ellie nods, “Got it.” Joel moves forward and Ellie and you follow him to a narrow alleyway. He has his revolver in one hand and you also have your gun out. 

You three duck behind a rusted car, and you hear and spot multiple vehicles driving by. They were all armed, carrying various weapons and knives. Joel signals you two to wait and walks across to open a black door, he flicks on the flashlight and with one look, signals both of you to run across the street and into the next building.

You take cover and hide in a neglected bar, with newspapers covering the large windows. Joel peeks through the uncovered patches and watches the hunters pass by, searching different buildings. “They’re not FEDRA, and they’re not Fireflies. So who are they?” Ellie asks and Joel plainly states, “People.” You and Ellie are also looking through the small patches, she quietly asks, “Are we okay in here?”

“For a little bit, maybe. Looks like they’re checking apartment buildings first. But they’ll be coming through these places soon enough.” Joel says and walks away to stand away from the windows. And you decide to sit, choosing the floor by the door of the old bar, and tend to the wound on your head. Ellie is still looking through the small patches of glass, “There’s a really tall building, like, four blocks away.” Joel’s voice is rough as he replies, “Yeah, saw it.”

“So that’s the one?” Ellie questions him, and he immediately answers, “As soon as we don’t hear a truck, we move. Fast as we can.” Joel slowly sits down on the cushion and eyes you as you busy yourself disinfecting and cleaning up the blood on your head. Ellie sits down next to you, her knees close to her chest, and by now you’re done cleaning your wound and placing a new bandage on your head. Joel has his hand on his head, his face was expressionless and exhausted. Ellie asks you and him the same question, “Are you okay?” You nod and Joel replies with, “I’m all right.” He struggles with the debrief but he gets the question out to Ellie, “Are you all right?” And she simply replies with, “Yeah.”

You watch Joel struggle to find the words to express his emotions and feelings, his reserved nature is slowly crumbling, brick by brick. He shakes his head, “Thing is, is I didn’t hear that guy coming, and… You shouldn’t have to… You know.” Ellie brings her eyes to look at him, “Well, you’re glad I did, right?” She said. His voice falters, “You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to… It’s not like you killed him. But… shooting or… I know what it’s like the first time that you hurt someone like that.” The young girl says nothing and simply stares at him in silence. He tries again, “If you… I’m not good at this.”

“Yeah, you really aren’t.” Ellie says, and if it wasn’t so somber, if you were safely at home watching this, you would have laughed. You wonder if you should say something, but eventually figured that you needed to let them both bond and understand each other, it’s important to their story. While you believed your presence here was an accident. You push aside your feelings and stress to let them talk it out. 

“I mean it was my fault. You shouldn’t have had to… and I’m sorry.” Joel sighs and looks away at Ellie, and begins to cry silently with her face turning red,  you let her lean her head on your shoulder and it’s quiet. She goes to speak but her throat closes up, “It wasn’t my first time.” Joel looks at her after that to see her pure raw honesty.

Joel plays the idea in his head for a moment before coming to a decision, he reaches into his back pocket for the handgun he took from Ellie earlier, unloads the magazine, and removes the shell of the previous bullet from the chamber. The girl's head lifts from your shoulder as Joel kneels down on one knee in front of her, handing her the gun back, “Show me your grip.” Ellie does as she’s told and you watch Joel teach her the proper way to hold a firearm, “Finger off the trigger.” She holds it with one hand and Joel is unimpressed, “Now, who taught you that?” She mumbles in reply, “FEDRA school.” He nods his head, “Figures.”

Joel teaches her how to hold the gun with two hands, “Your thumb over your thumb. Left hand, squeezes down on the right. You got it?” She nods, her thumbs interlocked, which makes it harder to drop the gun when it recoils or if someone were to try and grab it. Joel holds both of her tiny hands in his calloused rough ones, “There you go. Look it.” He shakes it and the gun doesn’t budge, completely steady. She giggles as he tries again and you smile, Joel then says, “Okay?” While Ellie nods, seemingly happy, he gestures to her to give him the gun and he loads the magazine back in the gun and then hands it back to her.

Ellie takes it and as she is about to place it in her back pocket, Joel stops her, “Nuh-uh. You put it in your pack. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.” He groans a little as he stands up again and you give Ellie a high-five and she laughs again. Joel walks to your side and this time it’s your turn, he kneels in front of you and you’re wide-eyed. He gently brushes away some of your hair and checks on your wound, you feel his fingertips graze along the plaster of your band-aid. Lightly, you touch his wrist and say, “I’m fine. Promise.”

None of you move for a bit, but then he slowly pulls away and stands to remove the wooden planks boarded up on the door, you also get up to help him. He holds on to the door handle and sighs, “We’ll get through this.” Ellie blinks once and then nods, “I know.” A beat passes and he pulls open the door, you and Ellie following him out into the setting sun of the city.

OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT

The midnight blue covers the sky, the stars shine above you, and see the moon glimmer. You three find the side of the building but find the service door to be locked. You look above and point out a vent, Joel nods and turns to Ellie. Taking notice that Joel is this close to passing out on the ground after all the events that have happened, staying up all night to protect the both of you, driving for almost thirteen hours to get to Kansas City, and shooting a bunch of hunters. You offer to boost Ellie up to reach the vent, “Here, put your foot on my hand and then… One, two…” 

“Oh shit.” She curses and you reassure her, “It’s okay, I got you.” And she manages to push open the vent and climb inside, “Okay I’m in.” And Joel decides to give out instructions, “Take a look around first. Ellie.” But she doesn’t reply, he harshly whispers, “Goddamn it.” And you say to Joel, “Just give her a second.” And a moment later, Ellie swings the door wide open, “Where would you be without me, huh?” Joel frowns, “By now, Wyoming.” You smack his shoulder, which does absolutely nothing. He glances at you and you stare back, he then walks forward into the building as Ellie takes it in stride. “Oh, yeah. Walked into that one.” The door slams closed behind you three and you take out your own flashlight to click it open.

All three of your footsteps echo around the building, while lights from your flashlights moved about the space. A minute later you see the door to a staircase that leads to the rooftop, you all walk over to it and Joel says, “All right, we’ll make our way up, and come morning, I’ll take a look at the city and find our way out.” He pushes the door open, and it squeaks as he does, shining the light in one hand and his revolver in the other, checking the dark area to make sure there’s no threat.

He walks straight while you and Ellie trail along, “We’re going up forty-two flights?” She groans, and Joel adds, “Forty-five.” The door behind you closes and you shine your flashlight to the ceiling, looking at the seemingly never-ending staircase. “But no. Not all the way.” He says, and Ellie asks, “How far?” Joel takes a breath, “As far as I can make it.” You and Ellie giggle at him and follow right behind the grump, footsteps sounding on the concrete steps of the building as you make your way up each floor. 

After twenty flights of stairs, Joel is gripping the hand railing, slightly winded already, you are trying to manage your breathing with all the cardio, while Ellie is only lightly panting, she takes an opportunity to ask a question, “Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt? How did you know it was an ambush?” Joel stops before the next landing and catches his breath, “I’ve been on both sides. It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.”

“You and Tess?” She asked, and he nods, “And the people we were with. My brother too.” He looks up to check how many more to go, while Ellie can’t help herself, “Did you kill innocent people?” He turns to look at her with an unreadable expression, but doesn’t answer her question, “Come on.” But already you both already knew the answer, and still followed him anyways.

It’s a few minutes later and Joel pushes the fire exit door open and holds it out for you and Ellie to walk through. “Holy shit.” Ellie curses and Joel leans on the wall, “Yeah.” And slides down the wall completely exhausted. You are soaked with sweat and trying to catch your breath, using one hand to lean on the door as it closes by itself. “Thirty-three floors. That’s good.” The young girl comments, and you hear Joel wheeze, “It’s gonna have to be.”

Ellie makes her way over to him and kicks his boot, “Come on.” And holds out her small hand, Joel groans, “Give me a minute.” But Ellie doesn’t agree, “Get up, you lazy ass.” That does it, he grips his hand with hers and helps him up, while you finally got enough oxygen back into your system. Joel grits his teeth, “Lazy ass. Fifty-six years old, you little shit.” Ellie giggles and you smile wide and continue to trail after him.

Joel grabs a fire extinguisher to break through the glass of one of the office doors, the sharp sound of glass shattering rings throughout the room, and Joel reaches in to shake the handle open.

You and Ellie prepare to sleep, and you realize that there aren’t enough cushions for the three of you. Joel scatters glass on the ground as Ellie sits on her makeshift bed, and calls out his name as you sit cross-legged on the carpet, silently contemplating sleeping on the floor. He doesn’t hear Ellie the second time, too busy dumping out the glass.

But the third time she yells out his name he finally turned, “What?” He grudgingly says, and she asks him pointedly, “What are you doing?” And replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “I don’t want someone sneaking up on us while we’re sleeping.”

He puts the bucket down and Ellie realizes what he meant, “Oh, I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch…” He walks over to the couch cushions on the floor and Ellie questions him, “Are you sure you’re gonna hear it?” Joel takes offense to her asking him that, “Of course, I’ll hear it. That’s the damn point.” Ellie leans back, “Okay. Well, good night.” And he gives a small, “Yeah, goodnight.”

You prepare to sleep on top of your backpack and Joel says your name, “What are you doing?” You turn your head to him and swallow, “Um, there’s not enough cushions. It’s okay though, I’ve slept on the floor before.” His eyebrows furrow and he huffs, “You sleep on mine then.” You shake your head, “Joel, you stayed up late, floored it all the way to Kansas City, fought three hunters, and then walked up thirty-three flights of stairs. You’re literally fifty-six and wheezing. You’re exhausted, so it’s okay, you can have it.”

Joel places his hands on his hips as he stares down at your figure, “That isn’t right though, you’re equally as tired and you got injured earlier. So take the damn bed.” He argues, this was slowly going to become a full-on debate that could have lasted till the morning, but Ellie butts in, “Why don’t you guys just share?” Immediately, your eyes go wide, and feel your face grow warm. You begin to stutter as you try and explain to her why that would be inappropriate, “Um, Ellie… I don’t think that’s—”

“Fine.” You hear him say and your head quickly turns to look at Joel, almost giving you a whiplash as you did. You blink wildly at him and shakily say, “You don’t need to–” He gives you no chance to finish your sentence, “I said fine. Do you want to share or not?” Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell is happening? He didn’t just offer that, did he? Your mouth gapes open like a fish out of water, not knowing how to act or find the right words for this. You take a deep inhale and try not to stumble over your words as you stared into his dark chocolate-brown eyes, “Are you… sure?”

He nods and gestures to you to lay down, you pinch your lips and swallow away your nerves and climb atop the cushions, using your own jacket as a pillow. Joel quietly does the same and faces the opposite of you. You bring your hands to your mouth, they’re slightly trembling as you try and calm your racing heart. Ellie is looking at you with a smirk, that cheeky little shit, she’s playing matchmaker. You mouth out the words, “Fuck you.” Which causes her to grin wider, happy with what she’s accomplished.

“Hey.” Joel's voice is deep and low from behind you, and you raise your eyebrows at Ellie, she replies, “Yeah?” He proceeds to ask, “When we were talking about hurtin’ people, what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” You give Ellie a sad smile knowingly, the places may have changed, but at its core, the story stayed the same. She changes her position to lay flat on her back and stares at the ceiling, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He doesn’t push her and settles, “All right.” After a second he rolls over to his left and lifts his head up, to look at Ellie, you are now inches apart from him brushing his hand on your waist, he tells the kid, “You don’t have to. I’m just saying… it isn’t fair, your age having to deal with all of this.”

Ellie looks to the both of you, “So it gets easier when you get older?” You snort, “God, no.” And Joel shakes his head, “No. Not really. But still.” Ellie doesn’t say anything back to him for a bit, and he sighs, you feel his breath along the back of your neck, causing your spine to shiver at the sensation. “The reason I asked whether you’d hear the glass or not, is because Miss Birdie and I have noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side. Is it ‘cause you were shot there?”

“Probably more from shootin’. So if you wanna keep your hearing, you stick to that knife.” He says and lays back down again, rolling back over to his right side and closing his eyes, Ellie says both of your names and you look at her, waiting, “Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” He glances over his shoulder, “What?” And Ellie continues, “Yeah. It runs in your jeans.”

You didn’t know if your humor was broken, or if you were traumatized, or just exhausted, but you giggled with her and hear Joel whisper, “Jesus.”

He shakes his head, and you and Ellie continue to giggle, “That is so goddamn stupid.” But Ellie points out, “You laughed, motherfucker.” You hear the smile in his voice, “I didn’t laugh.” The kid throws back at him, “Yes, you did.” And you agree with her, “Yeah, you most certainly did, cowboy.”

He mumbles, “Jesus, I’m losin’ it,” and you loudly agree, “Yep, you are and so am I.” 

And then his invisible walls came down and allowed himself to be vulnerable, to laugh at Ellie’s stupid joke. Finally, letting his baggage down, if he was being honest, he was so tired of being afraid, and this feeling of weightlessness felt like euphoria. Your cheeks rise to meet your eyes and lines appear as you smile, listening to both of their laughter. Though the storms will push and pull, you three are slowly beginning to form a home. The years, while they were here, haven’t been so kind, but the melody of laughter reminds you to keep your heart open wide. Slowly finding the strength and the nerve it takes to keep going because you know what lies beneath is the greatest thing you have. To trust that there will be light always waiting behind even in the darkest of nights. Somehow you will all be okay.

OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – A FEW HOURS INTO THE NIGHT 

You feel something heavy and warm draped over your waist, and your head resting on something firm beneath your head. You hear Ellie yell out both of your names in urgency and blink your eyes open to find yourself wrapped up in arms, with your head on his chest. You take a deep inhale, turn your head slightly, and tap Joel awake, his eyes open, alert and confused, to see Ellie kneeling on the cushions with her hands up and Henry pointing a gun at her head. Shit.

And you both turn to look in front of you, a little boy, Sam, with orange paint on his face resembling a superhero mask, pointing a gun at you both, he brings his pointer finger to his lips, indicating for you to be quiet. Joel tries to shield you from the boy, covering your figure with his large frame, gripping your waist so tight, and breathing through his nose heavily. You feel a little paralyzed, as you can’t help but watch the train wreck about to happen right in front of you.

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter

END NOTES:

This was probably one of the most difficult chapters to write because of all the technicalities and this episode was definitely more centered around Ellie and Joel’s relationship so I didn’t want the reader to completely overshadow that HHEHEHEHE ONE BED TROPE The moment I watched that episode, I immediately thought, I’m writing a one-bed trope (idk if i got it right tho lol I tried to make it realistic??) I had to cut a huge ass important memory from the reader but decided again it's TOO SOON also it wouldn’t add anything to the plot so I’ll add that in later My bad for taking too long to finish this chapter, it was the most intimidating episode for me to write, the loss of innocence is also the main theme of this part of the show, and my experiences with losing innocence are WAY DIFFERENT so it proved it harder to write about You can see Joel slowly giving in and opening up to both you and Ellie Tbh, to me, this is one of the more mediocre chapters I’ve written thus far but I can’t seem to edit it anymore T^T Ellie absolutely adores you and 100% looks up to you hehe (Also she definitely wants you to get with her father figure) cAN SOMEONE UPDATE ME IF THEY WERE AT A TRUCK STOP OR GAS STATION BCS I’ve read sO MANY DAMN ARTICLES trying to figure out what it was and I just settled for a truck stop T^T Thank you, guys, so much for all your kind questions, comments, and feedback aHHH IT TRULY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME Lastly, this is the last call for the taglist before I close it! OKAY BYE OFF TO EPISODE 5 I GO WRITE HNGGGG   - Grace

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale  @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m @ohjoelmiller @coalix @taestrwbrry @avengersheart @gyllord @valentine-babe

Edit: Sorry for the notif twice! The taglist completely bonked itself :,)

[nerdyvocals]

9 People to Know Better (except I'm not tagging 9 people)

I don't normally do tag games, but I got tagged in this twice (by @jealous-kippen and @remmixx, my beloveds <3) so here I am! (also as I'm writing this out I am realizing that while both posts were titled the same way, it looks like they had different question prompts??? So I'm just gonna combine the two)

Favorite Color: Purple! Any shade will have my heart but I am partial to more red-toned purples. (PV, if that means anything to anyone who sees this other than me, you know who you are)

Currently Reading: Three things! In terms of actual books, I've been slowly making my way through the Riordanverse since my university did The Lightning Thief in my second year (first school in my state to do it once the rights were released!) since I somehow never got into Percy Jackson as a kid, and I'm currently on Son of Neptune. I'm also one like my third or fourth re-read of Eurydice by Sara Ruhl, since that's the play I'm designing the costumes for for my senior project. And in terms of fanfic, I woke up to a notification about this yesterday and Actually Screeched.

Last Song: Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan (ft. Post Malone), which was a bit of an accident. I use siri to request music while I'm driving and I asked for Dial Drunk and was singing along until I got jumpscared by the slight difference before Post Malone's verse. Although if you look at my spotify, the ROTPL album has been on repeat for weeks.

Currently Watching (Series): I've been hyperfixated on ROTPL and have watched it over a dozen times at this point, which is probably not healthy, so I put on NCIS last night for background noise while I ate dinner and accidentally watched like six episodes.

Currently Watching (Movie): Saw the Barbie movie the night before the actual opening with my coworkers (We don't cross picket lines people! I was not asked nor invited by any company, and I paid full price for my ticket. There's a one-screen theatre in the town where I'm doing summer stock, this relic from the 50's, and they were able to get access to the film a day early and did a special first come first serve premiere.) and we all sobbed the entire way through.

Current Obsession: Rise of the Pink Ladies. Full stop. I'd seen clips of it when it first aired in April but I was iffy on it in spite of how good it looked. Like most, I'm a little tired of reboots and remakes, and while I did clock Cynthia as being queer within two seconds, (I believe my exact words were "That's either a very butch lesbian or the eggiest egg to ever egg.") I was Convinced it was a queerbait situation. Plus I was nearing finals and didn't have time to get into a new show. But then Crushing Me was trending on tiktok and I realized this was not queerbait, so I put it on to have something playing while I packed for summer stock and it's been the only thing I can think about since mid May. It got me writing fanfic again for the first time in years, if that tells you anything. Speaking of,

Currently Working On: A follow-up to my previous fic, Steady, Steady! I wanted to have it up this week, but it is a behemoth. I'm a little over halfway through my plot outline and I'm at 10,441 words. Fun fact, this will be my longest single-chapter fic so far. Not just in the fandom, not just on AO3, but ever (so far!)

No-Pressure Tagging: @merely-a-player, @penguin-writes-books, @el-fandom-birb, @marley-barnes112, @isweartheyregayyourhonor, and @look-at-those-niceass-rocks (since I've already dragged you back to tumblr kicking and screaming)

[something-tofightfor]

Liminality: Part 1

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Female Reader

Word Count: 6,739

Rating: M - language, mature content, (talk of death and supernatural things, deception, Tom being his usually smarmy self)

Summary: After your arrival in Florida, you've got some things to take care of. First, you need to find a place to live ... then comes the rest.

Author’s note:

I'm so excited to start posting this story. I'm so excited to share more of these two with You. I have no idea how long it'll end up being, but I do have the whole thing outlined, it's just a matter of writing it.

This one is dedicated to @the-blind-assassin-12 - who dropped the idea in my inbox (not sharing that yet because it gives away something important)... and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

This *is* going to be a spooky story overall - but chapters will be marked clearly with necessary warnings.

This is a set up chapter... but it's necessary. I promise.

Masterlist (for the journal entries and all of the other 'extras')

The phone rang three times before it went to voicemail.

The recording was an artificially cheerful man’s voice telling you that he was sorry he’d missed you, but if you left a short message with your name, a good contact number, and the reason for your call, he’d get back to you as soon as possible. Standard operating procedure. Alright.

Taking a deep breath, you stared toward the window. Maybe he’s showing a house. “Hi, Tom. I’m just calling because I saw one of your commercials last night, and I’m looking for a place to rent.” You paused and stood, pacing as you spoke. “I just need a one bedroom or an efficiency. I’ll be in the Tampa area for at least a couple months for work, so something month to month would be great.” You took another breath and then nodded, deciding that was enough for the voicemail. “If you could give me a call back, I’d appreciate it, even if it’s just to tell me you can’t help me out. Thanks.” 

You ended the message with your name and phone number, and once you’d hung up, you tossed your phone back onto the unmade bed, crossing your arms. 

Florida was the last place you wanted to be, but after a series of leads hadn’t panned out in a neighboring state, it seemed like your only option. And now I have a few weeks to look into things before … I have to worry. 

Your eyes flicked over to the small duffel bag that contained all of your notes and research, along with your laptop. But instead of unzipping it, you reached for your shoulder bag and then your phone - dropping the device into it after turning the ringer on. “I’ll deal with it later.” 

Speaking to the empty room, you slipped your feet into shoes and then headed for the door. The area you were staying in was typical for a suburb on the outskirts of Tampa, but you wanted to explore, even if that just meant driving around aimlessly for the rest of the morning. 

A few minutes later and based on the results of a quick Reddit search, you were behind the wheel and heading toward somewhere called Carrolwood. As you drove, you thought about the failure in Louisiana, the phone tag you’d been playing with your cousin Alec, and the fact that even after years of searching, you still felt no closer to your goal. 

“But at least I have the books.” Groaning as you stopped a a red light, you drummed your fingers against the wheel, shaking your head. “And the website.” 

That made you roll your eyes - as it did often - but by the time you’d parked and walked into Foxtail Coffee Co., you were focused again. Even though you left your main research in the hotel, you always carried a notebook and pen with you… and you planned on making the most of the time in the coffee shop. 

Once you had your drink - and a breakfast sandwich - you settled in at a table and put your headphones in, reaching into your bag for the notebook and a pen once you’d chosen a playlist. Make a plan. Make another list. Start small. Do what you always do.

Flipping past the previous few days of entries, you stared down at a blank page, chewing on your lower lip. 

There wasn’t much you could do until you’d established a home base, and you had no intention of that being a Holiday Inn. You’d be able to take care of the small shopping list you’d jotted down, but there was no point in moving everything into your hotel room and then back out a few days later when you found a place. If I find one.

Leaving Louisiana wasn’t something you’d planned on, and if you were being honest, the sudden change had thrown you off more than any previous pivot in your search had. You’d settle in - and your stress level would drop - over the following few days, but until then, you just had to push through it. Nothing else I can do.

Deciding that you’d start with making a list of potential places you wanted to visit, you unlocked your phone and picked up the pen, tapping it on the page, 

Before you could make a search, a call from an unfamiliar number popped up on the screen. It interrupted your song, and after a few seconds, you recognized it as Tom’s. That was fast. 

“Hello?” There was a pause on the other end of the line, and then you heard him clear his throat before he spoke. 

“Hi, this is Tom Davis. I’m returning a call you made about finding an apartment?” There was some shuffling, and then he continued. “If you give me some more information about yourself and what you’re looking for, I can make a list of properties to show you.” 

“Hi. Yeah, that was me.” Taking a sip of your coffee, you watched as a young couple made an order, the man’s arm around a woman’s shoulders. “Thanks for calling back so fast, I figured it would take a while.”

“Nope. I had a client cancel this morning, so I’m free right now.” Lucky me. “Go ahead. Hit me. Tell me what you need, and I’ll see if I can make it happen for you.” Wrinkling your nose at the false excitement in his voice, you closed your eyes. You need a place to stay, and this is a good lead. Just deal with it. 

“Like I said, I really only need something for one person. I’m in Tampa doing some research for a book and my website, and my focus is on local tourism. I need somewhere kind of close to a highway, and centrally located based on bigger areas of interest - parks, waterways, museums, things like that. Restaurants and bars are good too, but I’ll have to drive around and find those myself, so … that’s not as important.” You paused, thinking. “My budget’s flexible, and this is going to be really short term… no longer than six months on the long end, honestly, is what I’m thinking. I’ll need a parking space and would prefer air conditioning, but aside from that, it doesn’t matter if it’s an apartment or a loft.” 

“Would you be open to renting a room?” He cleared his throat. “There’s a lot of older people around here, and a couple listings I have are for rooms in people’s houses with shared common space.” 

“I’ve never done that before. And my hours aren’t exactly set, so it might not be a good idea.” He agreed, humming. “A guest house might work, though. Or an in-law suite on a property? I don’t know if people down here have those or -” 

“You know what?” He laughed, the sound the most genuine thing that you’d heard from him. “People do. There’s no way in hell I’d ever want my mother in law livin’ that close to me, but it’s more common than you think.” You heard keys clicking, and a few seconds later, Tom spoke again. “I’ve got a couple listings that might work for you, if you want to set up a time to meet.” 

“That fast?” Jaw dropping, you checked the time on your phone. It’s not even eleven yet. “When can you fit me in?” 

“Where are you at right now?” He paused and then laughed again. “That sounded weird. Sorry. I work out of Riverbend, not that that will mean anything to you, but depending on how far away you are, I -”

“I’m in Carrolwood at the moment.” You interrupted him, pushing the notebook away. Could it be this easy? “I have no idea where that is in relation to you.” 

“You’re only about fifteen minutes away.” He cleared his throat. “I can give you the address of a coffee shop close by and we can meet there and I can show you your options before you decide whether or not you wanna see any of them?” 

It made sense. Rather than driving around aimlessly, he was making things easier on you - which you appreciated. “Sure, Tom. Just send me the address and I’ll head there now.”   

— 

Twenty minutes later, you were parked in the lot in front of a Dunkin’, slowly finishing the remainder of your coffee from earlier. 

You were debating over ordering a second - and a donut - when an older model pickup pulled into the lot and turned into the space next to you. Moments later, the same man from the commercial rounded the back of the vehicle, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the end of the bed. 

“Here we go.” You got out then, the man’s attention turning toward you and the relaxed expression turning into a wide, lopsided smile as he extended one hand and introduced himself. “Nice to meet you, Tom.”

“Yeah, you too.” His grin widened when you shook hands with him, and then he used his other one to gesture to he restaurant. “Want to go inside? I’ve got my laptop.” 

You agreed and when the two of you were seated at a table - fresh drinks for both of you - he opened the device and turned the screen so that you could see it. 

Over the next few minutes, he clicked through a short list of available options, and you did your best to pay attention to what he was saying. But I can’t focus. There was something off about him - the falsity of his cheeriness and the speed that he’d been able to accommodate the meeting were somewhat concerning. But maybe I’m just rattled by this whole thing because it’s unexpected. Maybe it’s just a me thing. 

“Honestly, I’d probably go for one of these three,” he said, interrupting your thoughts as he pointed to the screen. “MacFarlane, South Tampa and Tampa Heights put you close to 275 and downtown. A couple of my buddies live nearby, and they haven’t complained, either.” He grinned again. “The apartment’s vacant, so we could go see it right now, and the other two have lockboxes with codes, so I don’t need to make an appointment or anything.” He paused and then frowned, holding up a hand. “I don’t want to sound forward, because I’m not trying to be.” Wiggling his fingers, your attention was drawn to the ring on one of them. “But it’ll be faster if we go in one car, and since I know my way around the city…” 

“I’d rather drive myself, actually.” You took a drink and then set your cup down, shrugging. “Nothing against you, but if I’m going to be here for a while, I need to get used to traffic and start learning my way around.” He nodded once, the man’s eyes on your face. “Besides, if we drive separate, you don’t have to worry about dropping me off before you get back to whatever else you’ve got going on this afternoon.”

“Makes sense. Just thought I’d offer.” He drained his cup and then returned to the laptop, finally looking away. “I’ll send you the addresses so you have them, but if you want to follow me, that’ll be good, too.” That was fine with you, and once your phone pinged with the list, the two of you stood and headed back outside. “We’ll start with South Tampa first and then work our way back up. Sound good?” 

“Yep.” Glancing up at the sky, you took a moment to appreciate the warmth of the sun, and then met Tom’s gaze again. “Sounds perfect.” Maybe in a couple hours, I’ll know where I’m staying for the next few months. 

— 

The South Tampa apartment was nice, but it didn’t feel right to you - and you told him as much. 

“I’m not surprised. This was my least favorite of the three.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. “I personally don’t like that it’s ground level. And a lot of my clients - single women, parents with small kids - don’t either.” 

“I just don’t like the size of it.” You pointed down the hallway. “The kitchen’s a closet. And I know I can’t really expect a lot from what I’m looking to rent, but…” That took him by surprise, but then he nodded again, pushing upright. 

“Fair enough. Come on. We’ll go to MacFarlane next.” The man locked the door behind you, and when you were in the parking lot again, he spoke up. “You said you were looking for bars and restaurants for work, right?” Confirming, you waited to see what he’d say next. “Couple of my old military buddies own a bar down here called Ironhead’s. You should check it out, maybe you’ll like it.” 

“Thank you, Tom.” You pulled your phone out, making a note for later. “Are they the ones that live here?” 

“One of ‘em, yeah. Benny lives closer to downtown, but Will and his wife have a place about ten minutes south of here.” He gestured to his truck, unlocking the door. “See you at the next place?” 

The drive was short, but it still gave you time to think, the caffeine from both coffees surging through you. 

If the apartment that you’d just seen was the worst of the three options, you were in good shape. And if he told me to go see his friends’ bar, that means I have an in with someone that lives in the area. And they might be able to tell me more. 

That was all you had time for, your GPS alerting you to the fact that you’d arrived, pulling up just behind Tom in the driveway. 

“This one’s new on the market and it’s a studio, but it’s on someone’s property. They travel a lot for work, so you probably wouldn’t see or hear ‘em much.” He typed in the code and then stepped to the side, letting you head in first. “The layout’s not complicated, and I really like all the windows.” 

You did, too - sunlight streaming in, soft carpet in the main living space, the bed tucked behind a low wall to give you a semblance of privacy. Not that anyone would visit. “The kitchen’s nice.” You stepped through it and into the bathroom, flipping the switch. “And the shower is, too.” He moved to stand behind you, though he kept some distance. 

“This one includes Internet, and it says the TV’s one of the smart models, so you can watch whatever with your own accounts.” That would be helpful, and you told him so, turning back to face the man. “There’s a small covered porch around back, just so if you sit outside and the owners are home, you aren’t in view of the house.” 

That got your attention - you liked sitting outside and going over notes, liked looking up at the moon and stars while you worked. And if no one’s staring, that’s even better. “Well this is at the top of my list.” You smiled, taking a seat on the couch and looking around. “What’s the catch?”

“Football traffic.” He sighed. “Noise from the airport.” Oh. Shit. “Season’s about to start soon, so the highways might get a little backed up on game days. And the planes … well that’s self explanatory.” 

“Damn.” Frowning, you closed your eyes. “Alright. Well, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

You left soon after, you and the man pausing in the driveway while he locked the door, and then Tom turned to you. “The third place is also a guest house, but it’s a little bigger than this one.” He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes on you. “It’s also a little more expensive, but that’s because of the neighborhood.” 

“What about it?” Price wasn’t something you were worried about, because you’d purposely given him a lower number than you could afford. “Tom?” 

“It’s one of the oldest neighborhoods in Tampa, so it’s got a lot of … shit in it.” He winced. “Sorry. Sometimes I just …” You waved him off and he continued. “More bars. Restaurants. A ton of parks. The river’s right there, but the place you’re looking at is further north than a lot of it.” He scrolled through his phone and then nodded. “You’re closer to Seminole than I thought, which is real close to another of my buddies - Frankie.” 

“Another military friend?” He nodded in agreement. “Did you help them all find houses, too?”

“No. Well, Benny, yes. But Will and his wife found their place on their own. Frankie bought kind of on a whim, and went straight through the seller. Pope … is splitting his time between here and where his girl lives, so he’s still living in his parents’ place.” Tom ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll be honest. I’ve only been doing this for a couple years, and I kind of suck at it. I just needed something to keep myself busy after I retired, so I’m still learning.” 

You appreciated the honesty, and for the first time, you felt yourself truly warming up to the man. Took long enough. “Well then, Tom, let’s go see this last place. Sounds like it’s got a lot going for it.” 

— 

You wanted the Tampa Heights rental, and it took everything in you to remain calm about it. 

It was almost a studio, but he hadn’t been lying when he said it was larger. 

“They converted a poolhouse, I think.” The two of you were in the living room, Tom leaning against a wall while you looked around. “When they filled in the pool, there was no need for it to exist.” 

“So they redid this. Smart.” You peeked into the kitchen area, smiling at the sight of the larger refrigerator. “I like that the bedroom’s got a door. This room is bright, and that would make it kind of hard to sleep.” He agreed with you, the man staying put as you stepped into the bedroom, eyeing the setup. 

It wasn’t ornately furnished, but the bed looked comfortable. You had a small closet and dresser, and there was a second TV mounted to the wall. I want this place. “Internet’s included here, too.” He called to you from the other room, the man’s voice carrying. “The back of this place has some trees between it and the road, but it shouldn’t be too loud because it’s a neighborhood street. And then you’ve got the private entrance and driveway, and a couple more trees that keep the house mostly hidden.” 

“It feels comfortable.” You reentered the room where Tom was, one hand on your hip. “I could see myself staying here.” Wetting your lips, you looked around again. “I think this is it, Tom.” 

“Yeah?” His eyes widened. “You sure?”

“I don’t want to stay in the hotel for any longer than necessary, and this place meets my requirements, so yeah. As long as the owners are alright with a short term renter, I think … I’d like to apply for it.” 

For the next few minutes, the two of you talked over the process - submitting a background check with your application, getting in touch with the owners, the timeline you hoped to move in during … and then Tom cleared his throat, saying your name. “It’s all contingent on everything coming back good, but a lot of owners like seeing money upfront. So, say you wanted to approach them with three months guaranteed and then month to month afterward for a certain period of time, paying upfront for the first -”

“I can pay upfront.” You held out both hands, raising and lowering your shoulders. “My last book did pretty well, and the website’s thriving, so… Three months plus a deposit is doable, Tom.” He looked surprised at that but made a note of it, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his lips as he wrote. 

“Another thing is that Fis… Frankie’s always telling me that when he jumps on the highway to go to and from work, it’s not terrible, and he’s going toward downtown.”

“Yeah? He works downtown?” It was an innocent question, but Tom’s answer floored you. 

“No. He’s a pilot, and he works out of an airport south of the city, on Davis Islands?” A pilot? Did I hit the lottery coming here? 

“He must not be home much, then.” You took a seat on the couch, looking around again. “Flying out of -”

“He can fly just about anything, but no. He does helo tours so he’s home every day.” Your jaw dropped, head snapping toward the man. “What? Why that look?”

“Tom, one of the notes in my outline for Tampa is to find a company that does tours so I can get a bird’s eye view of different parts of the city.” You laughed. “Unbelievable, right? But I like to include different things when I write about places, and I figured that since there’s so much to see here, that would be perfect.” And I need to see these waterways, so… 

“It would.” He eyed you for a few seconds and then nodded slowly. “I have one of his flyers in my truck. I’ll give it to you and then you can get in touch with him and see if he can help you. I don’t know if there’s a referral discount or anything like that, but…” Tom shrugged. “It’ll get you in the air and you don’t need to spend time lookin’ for a different company.” 

Dumbfounded, all you could do was stare at him, both hands on your knees. An apartment and a pilot in the same day? What are the odds? “I… yeah. That would be… Thank you.” 

He winked at you and then pushed off of the wall, pointing at the door. “If you’re sure about wanting this place, we don’t need to stick around. The sooner I get back to my office, the sooner I can send over the papers for you to fill out and we can get going. It’s Sunday, so we probably won’t hear anything back until Tuesday at the earliest. Then we’d have to wait for the results of your background check, so…” 

“Sounds good.” You were excited - more excited than you’d been in weeks, and the urge to get back to the hotel room and start planning was almost overwhelming. “I honestly didn’t expect to find anything so fast, so… this is great.” 

“I’m glad to hear it.” He locked the door and then led you to the driveway, walking to the passenger side of his truck.”I’ll just need you to text me your email address, and we can get started.” You did that immediately, fingers flying over the keys while he opened the door and reached into his glovebox. “This has the email and the office number on there, but I’m gonna…” He grunted, leaning further into the truck. “I’m going to write his cell number down, too.” 

Tom stood back up and faced you, holding out a single piece of paper. You took it, eyes dropping to read what it said - and when you saw the main image, you froze, inhaling sharply. Well there’s something else I wasn’t expecting. 

It was a standard flyer - brightly colored and designed to grab a person’s attention. 

But the most standout part of it was Frankie himself. Or whoever that is, anyway. Even on paper, the man was attractive, his dark hair and eyes striking. Fly with Fish? Wonder what that’s about. “Lots of options for flights,” you murmured, chewing on one corner of your lip. “He looks … focused.” Glancing back up at Tom, you saw that he was watching you intently, eyes narrowed. Weird, but alright. “Thank you.” 

“Let me get a pen, and I’ll give you his personal number. Then you don’t have to go through the -”

“No. This is fine.” Waving the paper, you shook your head. “I appreciate it, but I don’t want to just call someone out of the blue and start asking them work questions on a personal line.” And having his number would be … tempting.

“Your call. Just thought I’d offer.” Tom slipped a hand into his pocket, watching you. “Check your email when you get back to the hotel. You’ll gave paperwork waiting. If you fill it out today, just shoot me a text and let me know and I’ll move it along.” 

You agreed, folding up Frankie’s ad and sticking it in your bag. For later. “I will. And thank you, Tom. For helping me out. I’ll be sure to mention you on the site and in the book.” 

He laughed at that, reaching out to shake your hand again. “Don’t thank me yet. We’ve still got to make sure you’re approved.” True. You were about to open your mouth again when his phone rang, the man reaching for it without hesitation. “This is Tom.” Holding up a hand and waving as you mouthed the words thank you, you backed up and headed for your car. 

You had high hopes for the apartment - you knew your background check would come back without issue and you had the money to cover the down payment. So maybe only a few more days in the hotel. That would be… amazing. 

And as you backed out of the driveway, the GPS guiding you back to where you were staying, you couldn’t help thinking about everything Tom had told you about his friends - especially Frankie. He’d specifically mentioned his and Will’s wives, and Pope’s girlfriend. But nothing for Benny and Frankie. That didn’t mean that the pilot was single, but it increased the chances immensely. Not that it matters, though. 

You’d had your fair share of short term relationships, hooking up with men while you were staying in a city and searching, but they’d always been with strangers. Not someone that I might need to work with.  Eyeing the traffic around you, you rolled your eyes. And he might not even be interested anyway. 

Once back in the hotel, you checked your email to see if there was anything from Tom. 

There wasn’t - and so you decided to start doing some actual research. You pulled out your laptop and got situated at the small workstation near the window, notes scattered around you as you scrolled. 

It didn’t take long for you to get lost in the thing that had consumed your life for as long as you could remember - the search for the line of wolves that had attacked and turned your family upside down nearly 150 years prior. 

It wasn’t that none of the wolves had ever been found. Your family had had success - they’d killed the one that turned your great-great-great grandmother almost immediately… but the damage had been done. 

As the years passed, and your family learned more and more about the supernatural world that existed only in the worst nightmares of most people, it became clear that just like with regular people, certain creatures made it a point to make the lives of others miserable. 

They also often relied on their underlings to carry out their orders, as was the case of your family’s unfortunate involvement. 

After being bitten, your 3rd-great grandmother had hidden it from her husband, attempting to deal with it herself. That hadn’t worked, and since she’d been alone and scared for every transformation before anyone had figured it out, she’d done a lot of damage in her town and the surrounding areas to both people and livestock. 

That resulted in the need for your entire family line to flee to a new place - uprooting their lives in more ways than one all at once. 

Your family had been as accepting as possible of the change in the status quo, but secrecy regarding her condition had resulted in strained relationships long term, even after making attempts to eliminate the wolves responsible. But we could only do so much. 

You flipped through your notes again, one finger running down the page margin and lingering on the list of things you were looking for - bites in certain areas, broken bones in the feet and ankles, unusually gruesome remains - and then checked it against the meager information you’d been able to compile from the recent cases in Florida. 

When you’d been clued in on the family mission, you’d been skeptical - not that werewolves and other things like them could exist, but that it was possible that one line of wolves was the only one responsible for those types of kills. Because it seems like they’d all do things like this. 

Letting out a sigh, you flipped one notebook closed and pulled out a leatherbound one from years earlier - the property of your great, great grandfather - and scanned the small, neat script that filled the pages. Not all of them are bloodthirsty monsters, though. 

It had taken some time - your first bitten relative long dead by then - but someone in your family had made contact with other wolves, convincing them to meet and have a conversation before anyone acted rashly. 

That conversation was the basis for everything that you were still practicing a century later. 

It turned out that multiple packs existed - each of them descended from a unique line that could be traced back to the beginning. Except for one. The woman that had met with your 2nd-great grandfather had been clear about many things, and laying the blame for the bad reputation most wolves had solely on what wolves in the community called the Chaos line was only one of them. 

She’d expressed disappointment that your family was seeking out wolves with the intent to end them, but understood the sentiment - because they were looking, too … and had had no better luck overall. 

That meeting - and a tenuous working relationship - between your family and that contact’s line had sustained the search for years. But as times changed, the wolves became less willing to work with humans looking to harm their kind. They’d assured your relatives that they would handle it, that they could be counted on, and that they wouldn’t interfere with your search for no reason … but that the sharing of information would stop. 

That hadn’t gone over well, but luckily cooler heads on both sides had prevailed. Though you no longer had assistance from your former allies, they kept their distance - and you were careful to ensure that when (and if) you acted on information, you weren’t seeking out the wrong wolves. 

In almost 75 years, there hadn’t been a misstep, and you were determined not to be the one that broke that record. “But I also need to find the source of that line.” Covering your face with both hands, you took a deep breath. “And it’s hard.” 

You had a sneaking suspicion that Alec was still somehow meeting with one of the wolves and getting information from them, even if it wasn’t consistent. It would have explained how he always seemed to have a new, somewhat established lead, and why the two of you never seemed to be in the same place at the same time. But everyone searches a little differently, so maybe not. 

Glancing over at the window, you were surprised to see that the sunlight had shifted, more time than you’d thought passing while you reviewed notes. “Shit.” Swearing again, you checked your email, finding that Tom had sent over paperwork nearly an hour earlier. 

It was straightforward, and only took you a few minutes to fill out and send back, along with a text - just liked he’d asked. That done, you decided to stop for the day. Except … You reached for your bag and pulled the folded paper out, climbing into bed and leaning against the headboard while you stared at it. 

In all the locations you’d been on your search, things hadn’t ever fallen into place as easily as they had in only one day in Florida. Part of you wondered if it was sign that things were about to go off the rails, but another part of you believed that things were happening because they were supposed to - because you’d finally pieced something together correctly, and were on the right track. 

Frankie’s flyer included a website address, and after typing it into your phone’s browser, you spent a few minutes reading through it. It was more detailed - cost breakdowns, sample routes, gift package options and client testimonials were all listed in an easy to navigate format - and you appreciated the effort that had gone into the creation of the site. But even if it was a mess, the fact that he looks like that would make a lot of people overlook it. 

His safety record and qualifications were extensive, and even though the majority of the photos on the site had been taken from the air and were of landscapes, there were a few more of him, too. One of them was of the man leaning against the side of a helicopter, a button down shirt open over an undershirt, both arms crossed over his chest. 

He was smiling in that one, a genuine expression that made the corners of his eyes crinkle and exposed a dimple on one cheek, and at the sight of it, you acted. Within mere seconds of clicking on the “email for more information” link, you were typing furiously, lips pressed together in concentration. 

Hi, Frankie. I was referred to you by your friend Tom this afternoon while he was showing me some apartments. I’m looking to book some flight time with you, but what would work best for me is one of the custom flight plans, I think. I can explain more over the phone, so please give me a call whenever you can. Thanks! 

You sent it - along with your full name and phone number - before you could second guess yourself. That done, you exhaled, rubbing your fingers against your forehead. It hadn’t been a wasted day by any means, but you still felt uneasy being idle - even though there was nothing else for you to do. 

With a quick glance at the clock, you got up and took the few steps back to your laptop, unplugging it and then carrying it into the bed. I can start making a list of bars and restaurants. I’ll need that. 

Starting the same playlist you’d had on that morning, you opened up a spreadsheet and Google, getting ready to settle in, start your list - and figure out something for dinner that night. 

But you’d barely added anything to it before your phone rang, the device vibrating on the mattress next to one knee. The number was unfamiliar, even though the area code was the same as Tom’s, so you picked it up, clearing your throat as you answered. “Hello?” 

“Hey, this is…” He cleared his throat, too, and then hummed. “This is Frankie Morales, I’m calling you back about the email you just sent me?” You wanted to answer - wanted to let him know that he had the right number and that yes, you were the one that had emailed … but nothing came out when you opened your mouth. His voice. It’s so… it’s so deep and he … he sounds like… “Hey, you there? Hello?” 

You’d only seen images of him, but the man’s face paired with the sound of his voice through the speaker of your phone was enough to bring him almost fully to life in your mind. Get it the fuck together. “Yeah, I am, I just …” Closing your eyes and shaking your head, you gripped the device more tightly. “I wasn’t expecting you to call so fast, it’s only been like half an hour.” 

He chuckled then, the sound short and quiet, but it made your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise at the same time. I like the sound of that. “Yeah, I’m just getting ready to head out for the day. Finished my last flight and got my girl - the helicopter - ready for tomorrow, so I thought I’d check my email before I left.” Frankie paused, and then spoke again. “And your email was waiting.” 

“Thank you for calling back.” Sliding the laptop off of your lap, you leaned back, resting your head against the headboard. “I figured it would be easier to explain what I’m looking for instead of typing, and -”

“A customized tour, right?” You agreed, nodding even though he couldn’t see it. “What area? And when? If you’re looking for a place to rent here, it sounds like you’re going to be sticking around.” 

“Probably more than one, to be honest.” You frowned then, thinking. “I’m not even really sure what I want to see, I just know a few different places will be better than…” Trailing off, you closed your eyes. I hate being unprepared. “Is there a time I could come by your office or something? I could explain what I’m looking for and you might be able to suggest things since you live here.” 

Frankie didn’t respond right away, and when he did, you heard apprehension in his voice, though it was quickly replaced with confidence the longer he spoke. “I do have an office, but I’m pretty booked out for the next few weeks, and I don’t have much downtime between flights because it’s a lot of prep work. It’s just me right now, aside from my mechanic.” Oh. OK. That makes sense. “But - and you can say no - I’m free tonight if you wanted to meet up and maybe grab a beer or a coffee if you don’t drink? That way I’ll know what you’re looking for and whether or not I can help.” 

It made sense - and you’d just offered to do basically the same thing by going to his office. But … “I don’t want to take up your night, Frankie. Thank you though. I’ll just email you details about what I’m looking for and you can call if you have questions.” 

“If that’s what you’d rather do, that’s fine.” He paused, but when he spoke again, he sounded determined. “But you wouldn’t be taking up my time. I’m meeting my buddies for a couple drinks, but they’re not off until later… so really, you’d be keeping me busy until it’s time for my my plans.” Buddies? Drinks … could it be… 

“Are you talking about the bar your friends own?” Thinking hard, you tried to remember the names Tom had given you. “Benny and … Will?” He let out a breath, the sound registering as startled to you, but he replied right away.

“Yeah. I’m headed to the bar they own after I go home and change and all that. Standing Sunday night thing with everyone.” Glancing at your suitcase and then at the mirror across the room, you contemplated his invitation. “If you met with Redfly today, you must be sorta close.” He said your name, the sound filled with warmth as it reached your ear. “I’ll text you the address. If you decide to come, great. If not, just email me and we’ll figure something out. I can have you drop by during one of my breaks or something.” 

He’s not being pushy, he’s just being direct. OK. You agreed, and a few seconds later, you got his message - pulling your phone away from your ear to look at the screen. “Got it. I don’t know how far away it is, though.” 

“Like I said, no big deal if you decide not to come, just thought I’d suggest it. He cleared his throat again. “Either way, I’ll get you up in the air somehow. I’m gonna let you go so I can get out of here. Maybe I’ll see you later?” 

“Maybe.” He laughed again, and then said goodbye, the phone going dead in your ear moments later. It won’t hurt to see how far away this place is. Opening the address in Maps, you were shocked to find out that you were only 15 minutes from the bar. And he has to go home so that means I’d have time to jump in the shower. 

You only gave yourself a minute or two to think about it - and then you were on your feet, digging through your suitcase for a new outfit. Fuck it. I’m gonna do what I came here to do… and if that means meeting Frankie like this, than … that’s how it’s going to be. 

—

tag list coming soon!

[elfieafterdark]

I'm trying a thing, we getting a happy ending and here's why.

Preamble

Okay, @locked-in-the-tomb has me thinking about this. So let me outline why as a writer, I believe we're getting a griddlehark ending.

Firstly, credentials. I have written over a million words, 70+ works worth of fan fiction over the last 2 and 1/2 to 3 years. Including some that got pretty popular. However I will admit that I am not classically trained, I have a computer science degree not an English degree so bear with my horrible layman way of describing these things.

Lastly, I could just be full of shit. This could just be a whole bunch of cope. Because by the tomb I am coping so hard for a satisfying ending.

Beginning

So let's talk about the ending of the locked tomb. And also the beginning. I find my best received works are the ones that don't trick people.

An example would be my fanfiction called There's No One Like You, it's the most popular one I've ever done, it is novel length, it's a combination of a high school drama with a mystery thriller.

And I very clearly telegraph what the mystery is in the very first chapter. I won't spoil it too much just in case someone wants to read it, but in the first chapter is a very clear hint of where the story is going.

It's classic setup, you set something up, you telegraphed that it has been set up, you let it hang there for a bit, and then you pay it off. That's how you create a satisfying element to a story.

Now I'm going to argue that the entirety of Gideon the Ninth is setup. The entire book is, at its core, about Gideon and Harrow coming to terms with how they really feel about each other. What is my proof for such a bold claim?

Well let me ask you a question, what did we all think when we realized that Harrow spent all the previous night burying bones just so Gideon couldn't escape? We all thought the same thing, who the fuck would do that? And, why the fuck would you do that? And then we all got it, ahh, these two are enemies to lovers. Gotcha.

And let me ask you another question about Gideon the Ninth. What is the one scene that sticks out to you the most? When you think of the book what's one of the first scenes that comes to mind?

The Pool Scene.

The pool scene is arguably the most important scene in the entirety of the book. It's the scene in which we get answers to most of this book's mysteries. Why did 200 children die in the 9th? Why didn't Gideon die? Why was Harrow so vicious to Gideon?

All of these questions are answered, The 200 children were murdered to create Harrow, Gideon didn't die because the nerve gas had no effect on her, Harrow was so vicious to Gideon because Gideon was a reminder of what Harrow is.

Notice how most of those mysteries have to do with Harrow and Gideon. Because whatever themes you can extract from the story,

I would argue that Gideon the Ninth is about their relationship. They both need to come to terms with the shitty lives they've had, and they need to come to terms with the fact that those shitty lives aren't their fault.

Gideon forgives Harrow, and all but explicitly declares her love for her. In that pool, and Harrow is so happy. It's the emotional crux of the story (heh)

And it's setup for the series

If you haven't noticed, this series is about two people. Everyone else is incidental to that story. The series is about Gideon and Harrow. It's about their relationship.

Gtn is about them actually coming to a mutual understanding and respect. The very instant the other is in danger all of the pretense is dropped and that goes both ways.

Htn is all about everybody and everything telling Harrow that she should give up and move on, and her resoundingly telling everyone to fuck off. It's about the sacrifice she made to save Gideon's soul.

Now I've only seen Harrow mentioned twice in Nona so far, and both of those times are her hanging out with who I suspect to be God? I don't know I don't want to analyze that too far. We haven't seen Gideon at all so I'm not going to talk too much about Nona.

But the pool scene very clearly sets up the endgame, and that end game is cemented by the letter Harrow writes to Gideon, knowing that Gideon survives being consumed.

One Flesh, One End. Aka, I love you. I've talked about how this phrase is really a declaration of endlessly devoted love before, but they come to terms with their relationship, they sleep in adjacent beds which is as close to sleeping in the same bed as you can literally get without doing it, and they fight like hell to save the other.

Subverting Expectations: the Devil's Writing Trick

It's a pretty compelling setup isn't it? Fate has cruelly ripped them apart, and neither of them is willing to accept that, to the point that Gideon willingly became a part of Harrow; not to mention the point that Harrow is willing to lobotomize herself to preserve Gideon's soul.

That's a big setup, with Gideon's death, we understand the emotional conflict for the rest of the series. A conflict that is only confirmed by literally every single page of Harrow the Ninth.

How are they gonna fix this and be together? Remove all the awesome world building, remove all the excellent supporting characters, remove all of the religious theming, carve away all of the gay shit; and I earnestly believe that's what you have left.

How are they going to fix this? How are they going to be together? These are the questions that keep us all coming back. These are the questions that have us chomping at the bit for Alecto.

Now imagine after all that setup, after all that telegraphing, imagine that the answer to this question was

"they don't fuck you."

Let me ask you all something? Is that a satisfying ending? Is pouring all of this effort into these characters who in turn pour all their efforts into saving each other worth it at all if they don't succeed in the end?

Now some people might say that there's a beauty in tragic endings. And there is. I just think most of the time they're cheap.

I think I speak for many people when I say we want a story where characters go through all sorts of Hell, get beat the fuck up, struggle mightily against impossible odds, and maybe they lose some stuff along the way; but then they triumph.

The setup in Gideon the Ninth, that is continued through Harrow and I suspect we'll also be present in Nona is that they're going to fight everything in order to be together.

And based on how Harrow blatantly refuses to look back at the end of Harrow? The obvious trajectory of those decisions and these character moments is that they're going to succeed.

They've come this far, they've defied death itself. I just can't see the books ending any other way. Any other ending is going to feel like muir is spitting in our faces.

You paid attention to all that foreshadowing? Go fuck yourself on an iron fence.

Like do you all see what I'm trying to say here? The setup is that they get together, and there better be a goddamn payoff otherwise I'm going to riot.

Anyway, I would apologize for the length of this but I had a lot of fun writing it. And that's all that really matters in the end.

Thanks y'all, more to come soon 💖

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day Twenty-Five - Prompt: Friends @rosekiller-microfic

March Daily Series - 561 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Evan was a coward. That’s all there was to it. He was sitting in his stall and taking his sweet time cleaning up after his last client to avoid facing Barty. Even though it carved out a hole in his chest every time someone else worked on him, he couldn’t face him this soon. Not when Evan was this close to giving in.

His friends would be horrified, of course, as they had every right to be. He was a weak-willed man. A completely useless best friend and brother.

“I caught you between clients! Perfect!”

He flinched at the sound of her voice, then leapt up to sweep her into a fierce hug. “Pandora! When did you get in?”

“Alright, alright. Calm your tits,” she said, swatting at him. “Lily and I caught the first train this morning so I could show her around.”

“She’s here too?” Evan peered over the cubicle wall and surveyed the waiting room. Within seconds, he spotted her bold red hair, followed by the death grip she had on Barty. A fully panicked Barty. “I thought you were taking her to your flat.”

Pandora grabbed his hand to drag him into the waiting room. “She had to meet you first, now come on.”

Evan felt his chest clench at the sight of Barty backing away from Lily with a pained expression. Pandora clearly hadn’t seen him when she arrived or she would have made a scene, but this feisty girlfriend of hers was handling him calmly and firmly. He needed to distract his sister so Barty could escape.

I may be a coward, but I am not a complete fool.

“Wait, wait. I want to show you something,” he said, tugging her back. “You have to see this dragon tattoo I’m working on. The man’s daughter drew it and we blew it up for his whole back.”

Pandora hesitated, then tilted her head curiously. “How old is she?”

“He didn’t say, but I’d guess she’s somewhere between ten and thirteen based on her work. You have to see this. I think it’s the best design I’ve seen from a novice in ages.”

While he blathered on about the piece and showed her the pictures that he’d just added to the example book, Evan kept one eye on Barty and Lily. It looked as though she was interrogating him. Thankfully, his sister wasn’t tall enough to see over the wall.

“Wow, this is impressive,” Pandora gushed, running her finger over the page protector to reduce the glare. “How long did this take you, Evan?”

“Three days for the outline. He was determined to get it done before her next birthday,” Evan explained. “She’s going to colour it in and then I’ll finish it.”

Pandora grinned as she pushed the book away. “Imagine if our father tattooed one of your anime sketches on his back?”

Evan huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes. The suggestion that their stuffy, too-busy-to-parent father would tattoo anything on his back was ridiculous. An anime character was pure lunacy.

“I think I’d faint dead away.”

“Me too.”

He snuck a look over the partition and was relieved to see Barty dart out of the door. Lily, on the other hand, looked rather pleased with herself. She met his gaze with a dazzling smile and Evan couldn’t wait to meet her.

Next Part>>>

[greenerteacups]

I’m not sure if you’ve specifically answered this before, but how long did it take you to outline, research, and prepare the foundational meat of Lionheart since it’s such a sprawling saga with threads for so many characters? Did you have it all mapped out before you started writing? What about shorter pieces like The Climb and the latest, delightful The Death Eater Diaries?

The series outline for Lionheart I wrote on one bleary, rabbit-hole of a day in the summer of 2022 when I was definitely supposed to be doing something else, and after that, each book took me between 3 days and 2 weeks to outline completely. The later books have taken longer because of their length and the number of threads — the series has a way of getting wider as well as longer, and for the last two books, I sometimes got a bit grumbly about how many characters pop up in every novel. As for research, most of that will happen before or during the outlining process; I'll have a copy of the book on-hand to check plot details, but for the most part I try to work without flipping back to the text, to avoid copying beats or stylistic choices unless I have a thematic reason to. I also use HP Lexicon and fanwikis while I'm editing for content, though when I'm drafting I make a real effort not to switch out of the tab for any reason, because it breaks flow. I'm sure I have missed some details despite my references, but c'est la vie; JKR had to do continuity edits in subsequent edition releases for several books, so at least I'm not alone.

For The Climb, I wrote the first chapter in the raw, then went through and blocked out the second two in an outline at the bottom of the document. Very very broad strokes there — TC is different from Lionheart because it's a slice-of-life tone piece, so there's not as much plot to be done. It's a novella conceived for the sole purpose of exploring one particular relationship, so the plot came secondary to the things I wanted to highlight about how that dynamic worked. It's a character-forward piece, to borrow culinary terminology, and outlining for character is a lot easier than outlining for plot. (For me.)

The Death Eater Diaries emerged almost fully-formed from a Tumblr post I made joking about the sort of ludicrously awful decade Narcissa experiences. The hardest part of outlining was nailing down canonical dates. Stuff like how old Andromeda was when she got pregnant, when Bellatrix got married, when the members of the previous generation died, all that's unspecified — but it's also all functionally constrained to a narrow window of time, if you take in where the characters are at certain other parts of the story, so you can't just say anything. It was very fun to write, though. Doing so also stressed how hilariously short the timeline on the Black family collapse actually is. Between 1971 and 1981, they go from a two-branch family with an heir, a spare, and three healthy daughters -> completely extinct in the male line, two of its descendants disinherited, two imprisoned, one missing, presumed dead, and Draco Malfoy's mom.

[divorcedfiddleford]

ok last thing i SWEAR im gonna shut up after this but i just wanted to post michael rianda's outline for the jack kerouac wendy episode that i mentioned. it definitely needed a lot of work but i do like it in concept. image ID/transcript below the cut (warning it's LONG)

[image 1 ID: a screenshot of a tweet from michael rianda. it reads: "I Found a Lost Wendy Episode of Gravity Falls! We were always trying to crack a Wendy episode. This was my favorite. I love the teenage feel of wanderlust + getting excited about reading "On the Road." I love the backstory and flaw. It didn't work but I always liked it." end image 1 ID.]

[image 2 ID: a screenshot of michael rianda's outline. from here i will simply transcribe what he has written, only fixing typos that interrupt screen readers.

Episode 3. Wendy's "On the Road" This is the first in a series I did where I wanted to get to know a character better, and I started with that desire, and followed it through.

Cold Open: A woman answers a phone at a Wal-Mart type superstore place. Wendy's on the other end with Dipper and Mabel. She asks to be transferred to extension 234. Extension 234 connects them to the stores loudspeaker speakerphone. Wendy starts making joke announcements over the loudspeaker: Wendy: "Clean up to aisle 6, customers seem to be projectile vomiting all over eachother." Mabel and Dipper are laughing hysterically. The woman can't hang up on Wendy so she calls the cops. Wendy's still going. Soos asks if she could get in trouble for it. Wendy brushes him off. Then the cops show up. Stan sees Wendy arrested and swells with pride- "she HAS been learning from me (quietly weeps) I'm so proud."

Act One: Open on Manly Dan... by his age it must be the past- he teaches his boys to chop wood and they're all struggling. A huge tree drops in the distance. When the dust clears... it's little Wendy. He tells her to climb aboard his shoulders my little axechild! They happily gallop off. They love each other. It's very sweet. Cut to present day: A confrontational Manly Dan is bawling Wendy out for getting in trouble for the prank phone call. He tells her not to be so impulsive and do the first thing that pops into her head. Wendy insists Manly Dan is the most impulsive person she knows, besides the cops left her off with a warning. She brushes it off by saying she has to go to work.

B story. (Not sure what)

Wendy's reading On the Road at work. She's getting progressively more pumped about this book. Mabel asks what it's about. She explains it all and the kids are pumped. They're swept up in this romanticized teenage vision of hitchhiking on the open road. Stan has to leave for some secret portal reason and Wendy's like: "Let's do this right now!" (Secretly she just doesn't want to go home and deal with her dad.) "Let's do it let's just hitch hike. Leave town! Start a new life! Like Jack Kerouac!" Mabel is enamored.

End image 2 ID.]

[Image 3 ID: picking up from the transcript of the previous image:

Soos is wary of leaving the shop at first. But Wendy talks them into it. A couple of her friends come. Lee, Nate, Thompson, and Tambry. They get on the road and are immediately having fun. Things are looking up. Soos is worried. Wendy: "Easy Soos, we're in Oregon... it's just going to be a bunch of nice hippies..." Cut to a terrifying crazy red eyed driver without a face driving towards them. Act break.

Act Two: Wendy and Co are having fun just like you should on a road trip/vagabond adventure. They're stopping at mini-marts and getting lame snow globes- and making fun of them. Things are looking good. It's like a road movie. They all relate to each other about problems with their parents. Wendy doesn't say much but she has a flashback to her and her dad drifting apart.

Stan B Story.

The scary faceless driver comes by and offers them a ride. (they can't see his ghoulish faceless self) Wendy immediately says yes before anyone else can decide. People are like "I don't want to go hitch-hiking." "Wendy: It'll be fine! Come on- this is the adventure of our lives. People in those stories never said, no I'm scared." She makes them all go in. It's creepy and tense in the car. Eventually the guy reveals himself to be a horrifying ghoul face and locks the doors. They all go screaming into the distance.

Act Three: He takes them to the "End of the Road" Diner. Or you hang a lampshade on it and have it be Bob's Big Boy but with a David Lynch head on the outside. There are other people that get taken there and stay forever and are sort of these lost souls that are stuck there. From all different eras. It's like this terrifying Lynch-ian dark version of an idyllic road trip stop. Basically it's a Lynch parody fest with Soos and Mabel. Like these little creepy old couple are walking in fast motion out of a wall and Soos is pushing them back in. "Whadda you doin grandma and grandpa... get outta that mouse hole. Get back in that mouse hole you goofs." (Probably too insane) Anyway, everyone wants them to have "the special" and after you eat the special, you stay there forever. Wendy's really guilty that all this is her fault.

End image 3 ID.]

[Image 4 ID: the last of the transcript:

Wendy wants to impulsively react, but remembers her dad. She thinks carefully what to do and comes up with a plan- and chops down a tree on the driver. They all come home- relieved to be back in Gravity Falls, and her dad is chopping wood in the back- he's still mad at Wendy.

Wendy: Hey... Dad? Manly Dan: (grunts) Wendy: Can I chop some wood with you? Manly Dan just nods and waves her off. They fell the tree. Manly Dan: Haha! That's my little axechild! Wendy smiles and keeps chopping.

Something like that- obviously a lot of variables to be figured out- but I love the teenage feeling of this and love that it gives Wendy a story and a flaw. Still needs work to make her better but it's a start.

End image ID.]

[ba-mi-soro-orisha]

Here's the non-spoiler review I just wrote for retail sites:

This is the series that got me back into reading, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. But the five year gap between book 2 and book 3…I felt it.

Bottom line: I did enjoy reading the book. However, it doesn't get full stars because the trilogy finale just doesn't hold up to the first two, and I think there's a lot of things that could have been done for a better read. The book reads a bit like Tomi lost enthusiasm during COVID and like she was just kinda finishing from an outline without the heart of the other books.

The deep emotions of the first two books just aren't there. There's a whole lot of telling rather than showing. You can tell by the smaller size of book 3 that we just don't get as much detail or exploration or action as we did in the previous books. I sobbed through entire portions of book 1 and book 2. In book 3, I had some perfunctory tears at the end of the story. But it absolutely wasn't the same emotional ride as before.

Characters from the last books are just shoved aside in favor of introducing the new characters and new worlds. The worldbuilding and new magic systems are amazing…but I would gladly lose them to be able to complete the story that it felt like the Orisha trilogy was originally telling. I would gladly lose them to be able to get answers to questions I had after book 2 that did not get addressed at all in book 3. Some characters were also just straight up lost and ignored and their fate's left open as plot bunnies.

I think we all knew that the cliffhanger in book 2 was going to drastically change the direction of the story, but I didn't expect that it would mean the story we spent getting built up in two books would just be completely abandoned and wrapped up in what was, quite frankly, an extremely unrealistic and unbelievable answer. The ending of book 3 and the entire series was just so abrupt. For as much work as Tomi does teaching writing, I really would have expected a fully played out climax with a suspenseful build and some sort of closure/ending. But it felt rushed. The ending was quick and then all of a sudden we're at the epilogue. It was not a well paced climax. After all the build up, the ending just fell flat. The final action was basically 0 compared to the buildup, and there absolutely was no taking us down from the climax. AND, I was left with a pretty big question at the end, plot-wise, which just doesn't get addressed whatsoever.

I've spent a lot of time on the things that I wish had been done differently, but since I did overall enjoy the read, I want to also point out what I enjoyed.

The writing was good, even if the storytelling wasn't the best. I finished the book in two days, and I did so because I did want to know what happened.

The worldbuilding and new magic systems we see are very interesting, though they might have been better explored in their own books and their own stories.

I don't know if it was always Tomi's plan or if she was responding to the fanbase, but I heavily appreciate how she handled Amari's character in particular.

I honestly thought the pacing in book 3 was much better than book 2. Book 2 was so heavy and hard to get through emotionally. I felt book 3 found its footing a lot better in giving me a lot of action but also not overwhelming me.

That said, I think the book definitely just suffered a mismatch of my expectations developed from the first two books and the final product, especially after so much time in between releases. It's been five years. A pandemic happened. A lot was going on in general, and I know Tomi must have grown so much in this time. Perhaps Tomi just outgrew the story she was telling for the age group she was writing for in the time it took for this series to get fully published and will blossom even further in her future projects.

I would like to go back and re-read all three books together and see how I feel about the finale after that. I did not re-read the series before book 3 (so the tons of flashback and reminder scenes were helpful for me, but might feel like too much on a re-read), and I would like to do that for a better overall picture of book 3.

[captivemuses]

Comfort food(s): If I'm going purely sweets then I'm going to say Thin Mints. I did Girl Scouts for a large portion of my childhood and those were and still are my absolute top tier favorite Girl Scout cookie and I'm not even kidding saying I could polish off an entire box in one sitting and regret nothing.

Comfort drink(s): Hot cup of coffee. Granted I normally drink iced coffee during the summertime for obvious reasons but hot coffee is still my favorite.

Comfort movie(s): Pirates of the Caribbean. More specifically the first three because I heavily prefer those to the fourth and fifth installments. I don't mind the fourth one and I'll willingly watch it if I'm in a mood to binge the series again but I wasn't in love with the fifth one and I just wish certain elements of the movie had happened in earlier installments instead. But I just love the cast as a whole and the soundtrack and I can have it on as the best background noise while I'm doing other things and just be happy. I also have the first three soundtracks at work to use as naptime music and my daycare kids genuinely love the music.

Comfort show(s): Yuri on Ice. I always do an annual rewatch of the show and have done so every year since the show came out in 2016. I'll probably keep doing so just because I'll always love the series even if MAPPA clearly doesn't because the suck-- /gets yanked off stage to not go on an anti MAPPA tangent again

Comfort clothing: Pajama pants. I wear those as much as I humanly can because they're stretchy and comfy, and ngl I'm extremely guilty of wearing them to work a lot only because I'm allowed to wear what I want as long as nothing's stained or ripped or having anything offensive or inappropriate for kids on it. I'm here for comfort not fashion when I clock in to take care of threenagers all day rofl.

Comfort song(s): Anything Lady Gaga. I'm not super familiar with her newest album Chromatica as I am with the previous ones but I'm still a huge fan of hers and I'd 100% go see her in concert again if the opportunity arose, she's worth every penny imo.

Comfort book(s): I don’t really have a set of comfort books to share right now. I might update this in the future with some, but the only memorable story is “You”. I prefer it over the show for sure. The exploration of a man so psychologically twisted that when he finally “settled” and had a kid, he would abandon a son, purely out of disgust, knowing that he would turn out just like him. Also, Guinevere Beck is my favourite. I just perceive her as a human character, somebody with flaws that are outlined clearly, and it was an aspect I really enjoyed. I might even reread the first book, just for her. Side note: the cage is such a cool concept, and I will be taking notes. kidding. not really.

Comfort game(s): Either anything Harvest Moon or old school Pokemon (think Johto region, that's always been my favorite). Those are old school nostalgia for me growing up and you'd have me be happy having to go restart the original Gold/Silver for the 15th time or go start a new save file on Harvest Moon (which speaking of I want to pick up the remake again once I'm out of icon hell and don't have to drag my laptop to work all the time). They're just relaxing turn my brain off games that I love.

tagged by: @iceiclehorned ty for the tag!!

tagging: @gildedsplendors @protectivemuses @reflective-muses @weltenwxndler @ofhope @galactia @crimsononiarataki and anyone else who's been good and hydrated today (and if you haven't you should so you can do this and say I tagged you!)

[lemonhemlock]

I'm a 'Martin won't ever publish another ASOIAF book' truther but in addition to King Bran being profoundly idiotic, Martin has major structural issues that are now too 'big' to 'fix' imo. Namely, the ages of the characters are ridiculous and are all wrong for where their arcs need to go. The characters on the show were aged up and even the younger ones grew up on screen so Bran and Sansa and Arya were at least into late teens/adulthood at the end of the show - one is 13 and other is currently 11 and Bran is like, what, 8 in books? sksksksksk Just absolutely disastrous.

The characters should have been in their mid to late teens at the start of AGOT, at minimum. Especially because Martin essentially treated them, and has them act, like adults. I'm sorry, but I don't think that man has any understanding between the mental and physical developmental differences between, say, a 14 year old girl and a 17 year old girl. Every character appears and acts like they are anywhere from 3 to 5 years older than they are.

Also, the POV structure, while interesting, has also been disastrous in actually getting the story moving because certain characters have to be in certain places for things to happen while others are just sitting around killing time.

Hmmm, I don't really agree about the POV structure. It functioned fine for three books and offered compelling court drama, battles, magical elements and intriguing plot-twists. AGOT / ACOK / ASOS are pretty well paced and I've even seen someone making the case that the series could even have ended in that point and would have been one of the best fictional fantasy experiments. I found myself agreeing and disagreeing. I think the ASOS ending would have still distinguished ASOIAF from other fantasy series in its toppling of the good-guys-win-everything type of wrap-up, but it would be way less ambitious than what GRRM ended up pursuing.

The pacing problems came about with AFFC/ADWD. And I'm not one to talk here, because I'm an AFFC truther and it's always been my favourite of the series, so my two cents on this is that Dany's Slaver's Bay plotline is too damn long. Tyrion is also taking too damn long to get to her. It's a drag. In the book she is supposed to solve the Quaithe riddle,* escape Vaes Dothrak, get herself an army + navy, make the decision to leave Slaver's Bay AND sail to Westeros, so that in TWOW she can fight Young Gryff, face-off the Others, become a mask-off tyrant AND get deposed? It's a lot.

I honestly think he should just give up the 7 book compartmentation, admit defeat and just add another damn book to the series to get Dany to Westeros and fit in his fAegon plotline. It's not like he doesn't have the pages. No one's gonna care if there are 8 books instead of magic no 7. But my guess is that he's hung up over some decisions he's made in the past and kept trying to make the gargantuan plot fit inside this neat box he envisioned - 7 books, King Bran, Caesar!Jon etc. It would explain why he tried a time skip between ASOS and AFFC and had to scrap it - it would make more sense for the Stark children to be older. But he characterized himself as a gardener-style writing who doesn't plan everything in advance and lets the story grow organically. In that case, he should make allowances if the story grew in a direction he did not initially predict and make the required changes! Maybe King Bran made sense when he first wrote the initial three-book outline, but that was a long time ago & many other plot points changed.

My advice is to just stop trying to make the plot fit the previous designs, stay true to the way the characters evolved and respect the themes you've painstakingly developed over the course of nearly 30 years. Otherwise what's the point? If your original ending doesn't fit anymore, think of another ending ffs. The show is irrelevant at this point, so what if the endgame will be different? IDK, I'd be thinking that this is my life's work and I have every right to do it justice. Perhaps that's what he's thinking too and why it's taking him so long.

I agree that the ages of the characters are ridiculous, but if a time skip really, really can't fit anywhere, it's better to compromise on the age issue and leave off with a teen monarch than it would be to impose a surveillance state in Westeros as the solution with all-seeing, all-knowing Bran. That's a starkly dystopic ending, if you ask me.

Not to mention that it clashes directly with the end of magic - how is Bran supposed to be the Tree of Sauron if there's no magic anymore and everything goes back to normal? On what basis does he even get to be king at all if he's just a regular boy? How will he even survive being pulled out of the weirwood net if magic leaves the realm of men?

*“To go north, you must journey south. To reach the west, you must go east. To go forward you must go back, and to touch the light you must pass beneath the shadow.” JFC, if Dany has to get to Asshai, I will fucking scream.

[sabrinatvband]

Notes on Comics #4: Writing

I seem to have a problem; I'm only four entries into this series, and I'm already starting to move past the limits, or expectations, implied by "Notes on Comic Art". Perhaps "Notes on Comics" will be a better title moving forward? Anyways,

Part 1: Context / Credentials

I'm currently working on a 180~ page adult comic that will probably be called The Spider Queen of Manhattan. I'm going to avoid going into too much detail about the making of the book right now, but here's a stripped down version with only the relevant details.

I made a lot of concept art for the comic around a year ago, and created a rough, perfunctory plot outline to guide the creation of that artwork. I eventually stopped working on that, with the intention of eventually revisiting my well-organized notes.

Around two months ago, I began to work on a short, self-contained comic, but I eventually realized that it could be combined with the old comic I was working on. And so I decided to turn that "self contained" comic into the first chapter, and the second chapter is where the old concept and plotting starts coming into play.

[I should quickly mention how I'm working on this comic; I write a Marvel method-style summary of each chapter, then create a full-script, and then make layouts. It might be more accuarate to say that I do one scene of fullscript, and then the layouts for that scene. I haven't started doing any final artwork yet.]

People who've been reading the previous entries will notice that I've been reading a lot of Jesse Hamm's writings. In his great PDFs on making comics, he not only discussed art-related things, but also a lot of stuff about writing/storytelling.

After getting towards the end of the second chapter, I realized it was maybe time to pause the layout process and plot the rest of the book more deliberately. Reading Hamm's notes made me realize that I was leaving a lot of potential on the table while working on my book.

I should quickly talk about my background. While I haven't made a lot of finished comic material, I've written a lot of stuff in prose form. I've released a bunch of short stories for free online [NSFW link]; released a short story collection on itch [also NSFW]; written a few "novellas" in the 20,000 to 30,000 word range; and I once co-wrote an 85,000~ word novel [NSFW, again].

What I'm basically getting at is that I have a lot of experience with writing. Writing for prose is not exactly the same thing as writing for comics, but I think it's fair to say that-

-There are a lot of transferrable skills between the two.

-Plotting is mostly the same across comics, films, and books. A comic and film can both be adapted from the same book, and all three could share the exact same plotting.

Part 2: Tables and Stuff

Alan Moore's Writing For Comics was mostly written in the 80s, with a short final chapter written in the early aughts. In the 80s material, Moore details a very fastidious way of writing comics. In the afterword portion, he says that once you do enough writing, you can basically start doing things more off-the-cuff because you've internalized storytelling.

I've heard a lot of old pros say similar things . . . and most of those old pros don't make material as good as the stuff they did in their prime anymore. It is true; once you do enough writing, you can start to work with a lot less prep. But it's better to do the prep.

By starting my comic project with the thinnest of outlines and some concept art, I was essentially winging the plotting of my own book. I could've continued down that route, but decided not to. So let's look at what I did on some old stories. Because all of this is erotica-related stuff, I've blurred out most of the text within each table.

Here's one table that I used for plotting a novella, with a title too spicy to share here. Here's an elaboration on each column:

-#: The scene number. You'll notice this table is called "scenes that exist", and that's because this table was used to take stock of everything in a story before I did some big revisions later, where I slotted new scenes between the old ones.

-What Happens: The main beats that occur in a scene, the juicy core of what's going on.

-What is Set Up: Things that are established in the scene, mostly things that are fairly obvious. It's useful to know where things are introduced for the purposes of later revisions.

-What Needs to be Set Up: Things that need to be established for later, things that usually aren't needed for the scene in itself. Not infrequently added retroactively.

-Notes: Just random stuff; ideas about the specific sequence of events within a scene, specific lines of dialogue, etc.

If you know about fiction writing theory, you are maybe starting to realize that I'm a very firm believer in the "Therefore or But" school, and you would be completely correct. I'm very anti three-act structure, or any other kind of arbitrary structure that isn't motivated by actions, events, etc.

Here's another table from a different project. It's quite different from the previous table, but similar on an ethos level.

There are three character columns. One of them is always for the protagonist, and the other two are used for different characters, and can change from scene to scene. Inside of each square there's supposed to be some stuff from David Mamet's letter to the writers of The Unit:

So: we, the writers, must ask ourselves *of every scene* these three questions. 1) who wants what? 2) what happens if they don't get it? 3) why now?

It can be difficult to answer these questions, because sometimes someone is just trying to relax, and they're trying to relax now because they want to be relaxed for later. And they hope to continue feeling relaxed later, most likely.

This final table is a lot less useful, but that's because it was a table made for a collaboration [note: the collaborator's name being blurred out is becuase they didn't use their erotica pseudonym in the table].

We filled out each spot of the table during long voice calls, and because of the natural iterations that happened during our back-and-forths, we didn't need to use six or seven columns. That being said, I did later work with someone on a screenplay [that unfortunately was never finished], and we did end up using a table very similar to the first one I shared. The extra columns didn't cause confusion in a collaborative context.

It's worth noting that word webs are also a very useful tool. Write down a word [or a sentence], and link other related things to that word. Find things you want to put into your story, explore. I don't have any examples I want to share publically, but by doing a web I did manage to discover the spine of a story I hope to eventually write.

Also, one last piece of advice that's very unscientific, but uniquely suited to a visual medium like comics: draw pictures of scenes you want to see in your story. You might even be able to edit them into your layouts as you're making those; I've been doing this a lot on this current project.

Part 3: Book Learning Stuff

I've read a bunch of different books about writing, and I dislike a lot of them. Many books on storytelling are written by people who, curiously, have released very little work. Many of them are Hollywood script doctors, and not "actual" writers, who have experience or notoriety creating stories from the ground up.

John Truby is one of those script doctors. The Anatomy of Story is a book that requires discernment, because in my recollection he provides readers with a pretty rigid structure for how a story should be, which might give a newcomer to writing a false impression. I'm not saying that the outline Truby provides is bad, but it's far from the only one.

That being said, there are some neat nuggets and tidbits in his book. I remember there being a tool that can be used to think about how characters specifically relate to one another that's neat.

Anyways, as I was saying earlier, I believe in the "Therefore or But" school, which is extremely simple. This happened, Therefore that happens. That happened, But then this happens. This is simple, logical. It can go deep; This character has X in their nature, Therefore, they make this incredibly stupid mistake.

It can also be simple. X missed the toilet while peeing. Therefore, Y trips on the wet floor and dies.

I'm not a fan of the Hero's Journey, but the way Dan Harmon removes the cruft and turns it into a storytelling tool is infuriatingly useful. I don't follow his Story Circle method necessarily, but it's useful to refer to sometimes when you're monitoring how a character is doing.

Ok, so Jimbo just reached the bottom of the circle, how is he going to climb back up?

The thing I really don't like about the Hero's Journey is that some stories are about people who don't change, who learn nothing. These are often more satirical, black comedy-type stories. It also can be difficult to use in an ensemble story if you don't know what you're doing, because you can't map 20 characters, in a story without a clear main character, into a single circle. But I guess that's a beginner's issue.

[I wrote extensively about a kind of character who doesn't usually learn or change during stories here.]

Lajos Egri's The Art of Dramatic Writing is a book that I remember finding so rudimentary that I didn't actually finish reading it, even though I should've. Rudimentary, in this instance, isn't bad, it's just obvious [e.g. "Write down some background information about your characters to inform the things they do"]. This should probably be one of the first things you read about storytelling, so that it's more exciting. I might finally read it from start to finish as a refresher soon.

Worth noting: Lajos Egri did write a bunch of plays, and they were actually produced.

I haven't had a chance to read John Howard Lawson's Theory and Technique of Playwriting and Screenwriting, but Jesse Hamm highly recommends it in his educational PDFs. Lawson's book is available in PDF form, for free, legally, from this URL. Hamm recommends skipping the first two parts, which focus on history, and beginning with Part 3: Dramatic Structure. [Lawson wrote 20 produced films.]

I read Stephen King's On Writing, and I couldn't tell you a single lesson I learned from it that I can remember applying to my own work, aside from some stuff on editing [2nd draft = 1st draft - 10%]. I recall him providing a neat metaphor, that sometimes writing a story is like digging up a dinosaur skeleton, and that's about it.

Chuck Palahniuk [author of Fight Club and Choke] made a series of essays on writing that I found quite useful, but a lot of the advice I can remember is very specific to prose writing [e.g. Never use the word "suddenly" to start a sentence . . . which actually is quite useful for comics]. So maybe it's not the best resource for comics-related stuff. These essays were compiled into a PDF over a decade ago, before Palahniuk wrote a few comics, and in 2020 Palahniuk released a book on writing called Consider This that, judging by the table of contents, seems to adapt a small handful of things from that old PDF, maybe? There's a chance it's an unequivocal improvement; I should probably read it at some point.

I've read a lot of different things about storytelling over the years, and so it would be impractical for me to list every single one and discuss its merits in brief. One more in particular I should mention is David Mamet's On Directing Film. As the title suggests, it's about directing movies, but in practice it's also about writing them. Mamet talks about Eisensteinian technique where narrative is conveyed through the juxtoposition of elements, and in creating those "shot lists" a director, or in this case, comic artist, is writing. It's a very brief book that can be read within the space of an hour, and you can always find a used copy for less than $5.

Part 4: Writing for Comics and Graphic Novels with Peter David

There's one specific book I'd like to go into a little more detail discussing, which is Peter David's book on comic writing. My dad bought this book for me at a Borders when I was 11~, and it was probably the first book on writing I ever read. I sold my copy a long time ago, but I found a PDF recently and decided to read it again.

Here's the question; was it a good thing I sold it, or should I have kept it?

I should first mention the presentation of the book; it's printed like a comic. The paper is glossy, the backgrounds are colored, and there are pictures from comics to illustrate things. For a long time I kind of assumed this was a book aimed at kids, but I can realize I only thought that because of how it looked and how old I was when I first read it. It's not necessarily meant to be a book on writing for children.

It didn't help that a particularly memorable part of the book was a section devoted to talking about different speech bubble shapes, which felt superfluous.

A lot of books on writing, like Anatomy of Story, will provide a writer with a fairly rigid outline of how a story is supposed to be, and what components it must have. Because Peter David is an actual writer, he speaks in more open terms, mostly. His advice is not immediately actionable in the same way that a fill-in-the-blank template is, but it's more valuable because it's stuff an actual writer will find use in.

As mentioned, there is no one way to pace a story. No definitive means by which every story can and should be told. And whenever you do try to carve absolutes into concrete, you're going to wind up with a cracked sidewalk - Peter David

I'm not going to suggest that David's advice is particularly revolutionary or earth-shattering, but for the most part it's stuff a writer should actually hear, or be reminded of. He starts the book by saying that the most important skill a writer needs to have is the ability to as the question "what if?". He then talks about things like presenting both sides of a moral argument, and developing character.

There are some interesting nuggets. At one point he speaks at length about how people do things they would "never do" when put into certain situations, which is something I'll have to think about. It's interesting to make a character do something unconscionable because they were put into a certain position, but equally important, a character has to be fleshed out enough that the reader feels betrayed witnessing the character's actions.

Something I found funny about this book is that, when talking about how plot works, Peter David shits on some things that Jim Shooter used to say about storytelling. He doesn't mention him by name, but when he brought up Shooter's love of using Little Miss Muffet as an illustrative example, it became clear he was the anonymous editor being discussed.

My biggest complaint with this book is that it talks about three-act structure, which I think is a particularly useless way to think about story. His comments about it aren't especially deep; Act I is where things are set up, Act II is where the bulk of the story happens, and Act III is the denoument. This can apply to almost any story that is a story, which I guess is how people become convinved three-act structure is an actual tool. It's not useful information; you don't need to break a story into acts unless you're writing for television or the stage.

I should mention that the first time I ever learned about This Man, This Monster, an all-timer Fantastic Four story, was when Peter David included it as an example in this book. It's also worth mentioning that Peter David engages in a lot of Stan Lee apologia, when it would've been quite instructive to talk about Kirby's role as an artist/writer. But I guess since Peter David doesn't draw, he has no interest in talking about that.

It's worth mentioning that, since Peter David was a long-time pro by the time he wrote this book, he has some unique insights about working as a comic writer that he shares. It's the kind of stuff that's only useful if you're trying to work for a big company like Marvel or DC, but it's not stuff you're going to find in most other books on writing.

I wish I hadn't sold my copy of Writing for Comics and Graphic Novels with Peter David; it's a fine book. Meat and potatoes, sure, but is that a bad thing in a book about writing? While the three-act stuff is a big blemish, it's otherwise filled with useful information to be reminded of. And I really need to read David's Hulk and X-Factor runs.

Part 5: Layouts

I'm very glad I've been making rough layouts for The Spider-Queen of Manhattan, because there are some things that don't stick out as being obviously flawed in a text document. I don't want to mark this post as containing adult content, and so I'll link to an example of revisions I did on the layouts here [NSFW link].

Part 6: Takeaways

-Making tables is a good way to make sure you're accounting for certain things.

-Word webs can be a good tool for finding things that you like and want to put into your story, working out story info, etc.

-If you read a bunch of books about writing, you'll pick up nuggets along the way, even from the mediocre ones.

-You need to be able to smell bullshit when learning about how to write.

And one final note; don't worry about how many tables, diagrams, and scattered notes you make as you write. Do what you need to do. Evan Dorkin recently posted this image of an upcoming comic in "chaos form":

[lunarblue21]

🖍, 🤔, 🤡 for the WIP asks

🖍 Post Any sentence from your wip

“I didn’t kill him,” the tracker said, quietly. “I gave him a choice. Leave my friend alone, or take me down first. My friend - the mammoth - saved my life by killing him. I won’t deny that I’m party to Soto’s death, but I did not kill him.”

🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

I've long wanted to do an IA3-based canon divergence fic where Diego gets injured protecting Ellie from the guanlongs during Peaches' birth, but I've just never had the time for it, especially since returning to my CI-verse series in 2021. I've written a few sentences out of context for such an AU-fic but I don't have the mental space to devote to trying to actually make a story out of it becos rn I'm so consumed by my CI-verse, CI bk 1 in particular.

🤡How many Wips are you actively working on?

Just one! (thank goodness). Just the one, "Cruel Intentions" the first true book (chronologically) in my CI-verse fanfic series. In fact, as of today, CI1chap5 is at 7k words and I think nearly finished, woohoo! :) I am just hoping that it won't be 10k words like the previous chapter but long chapters aren't unusual for me and in all honesty, with my CI-verse, I have a LOT of story to tell - and that's becos that "story" is something I have been working on since 2009 (when I began "outlining" it through chapter titles and by writing up some paragraphs - not in a linear context - from an extremely vivid dream I'd had), which means I've been working on my CI-verse since before I got my ffn account!

In fact, three days ago, I actually dug up some of my earliest CI-verse writings from my USB drive, dated 12/18/2009, and preserved it into one of my "Backups" gdrive documents that I use to keep all of my CI-verse planning in one place.

[athetos]

Okay here’s the very rough outline of my baru cormorant x locked tomb crossover…. If you have suggestions let me know… Major spoilers for both book series. Also I want to clarify this isn’t going to be a very long multi-chapter thing, I’m hoping to keep this under control and have it be a collection of scenes in chronological order that cover everything. Like I’m absolutely wanting to keep this below 20k words so it doesn’t destroy me.

Taranoke is a planet destroyed and flipped by the lyctors and the cohort. One of the lyctors, Farrier, realizes baru had a spark of necromantic ability and saves her (promising to protect her parents) and sends her to a top necromantic school. Without the knowledge of the emperor (renascent) he secretly trains her when he visits and keeps an eye on her progress. She is given Muire lo as a cavalier, and becomes fast friends with Aminata, the cavalier to croftare. Throughout her studies, baru learns more and more about how the nine houses are run, and decides to overthrow them from the inside, with the ultimate goal of killing all the lyctors and the emperor, so that no more planets are flipped and the war can end. Upon graduation, baru is sent to the ninth house to become their sole necromancer, as the previous ones have all died of a deadly pox, and is told a chance to ‘ascend’ will be sent her way in due time.

There, she of course meets tain Hu, as well as oathsfire, Lyxaxu, and Unuxekome, among others. Midway through her stay, as she’s working to restore the ninth house to its former glory, Muire lo becomes ill and dies. Heartbroken, baru hides away to grieve, before being forced at last to pick a replacement cavalier. As oathsfire and some of the other dukes are all cavaliers with significant experience with their late necromancers, it’s expected she’ll choose one of them, but she instead picks Tain Hu. This is not only because she trusts her beyond any other, but also because she hopes the taboo of a necro/cav relationship will make her crush on her go away (it doesn’t, not at all.)

They of course get the invitation to Canaan house. Aminata and croftare are there, somewhat taking the role of palamedes and Camilla, and the third house is Yawa and olake. Cytherea is a member of the cancrioth, haven’t settled on one in particular. Things go much as they did in GTN, except Yawa is also forced to eat olake’s soul, not willingly, which devastates her. Plus, croftare dies without a plan like palamedes did, but Aminata survives. Baru has solved the lyctor theorem, has at a point probably known for a while and just repressed it, but comes up with a desperate and wild gambit. Meanwhile, When Hu sacrifices herself, Baru tells her she has a plan, and will see her soon. After defeating the rogue lyctor, baru writes the letters to her future self, and ropes Yawa into helping her do brain surgery, with Yawa firmly on her side in contrast to ianthe, as she also wants revenge for being forced to use up her brother.

The lyctors are farrier (cav unknown), hesychast (with iscend as his cav, who takes over his body occasionally like Pyrrha did to g1deon), svirakir (iraji was his cav), yawa and her cav, and tain shir (unknown cav). Baru feels a massive headache when she sees shir, and to a lesser extent, yawa. Shir tries to kill baru, but not because she’s told to by the emperor, but for revenge since she knows baru consumed her cousin’s soul, which confuses baru because she has no idea why shir is doing what she’s doing. Nobody else tells her why, just is cryptic about it thinking she’s insane, and yawa can’t tell her without compromising the plan. Instead of Camilla meeting her on one of the planets, Aminata meets her and Yawa instead, as she was given instructions to by baru, who thought of everything even if she can’t remember it. She took Hu’s body from Canaan house, and upon seeing it baru remembers everything. With yawa’s help, they heal Hu’s body with lyctor powers and insert Hu’s soul. This gives their souls a connection where baru can use some lyctor abilities while Hu can do her own thing, and they have telepathy across even large distances, and Hu can use some of Baru’s necromantic stuff, too.

Yawa had managed to get a blood sample from the emperor, and gives it to Hu and Aminata. While baru and Yawa continue to deceive the emperor, Aminata and Hu travel to the ninth house and use her newfound connection with baru and the vial of blood to break into the locked tomb. With telepathy, they coordinate the perfect moment, when the emperor is vulnerable from a resurrection beast attack, to unseal the Body. As the beast and the Body attack renascent at the same time, they are forced into the stoma and banished. The resurrection beasts pass on, now that their revenge is sated, and farrier is killed in the process. Shir of course is now on their side, and iscend takes permanent control over hesychast, and svirakir disappears. The nine houses as they know it is completely toppled, the secret to lyctorhood is kept hidden forever, and they work to help everyone heal and eventually thrive without their influence. They try to return life to Taranoke, and the what was the ninth house is restored to its former glory. Baru, Hu, and Aminata are in a polycule. The end <3