#so i decided to watch euphoria the week before midterms

[neo-shitty]

euphoria 🚬

[sleepylixie]

That Mixtape Love- 2

Fantasy AU, College!AU, Bang Chan X fem! Reader

 That Mistape Love ||  Trailer || Part-1 

3.3k words, Angst/Fluff. Beware of: mentions of a bad household(not abusive, not explicit), inexplicit making out.

A/N: So it comes to an end. This story has been one of my biggest passion projects, despite only being a two shot. Once again, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! Do let me know what you think about this final installation of Chan’s story in the Solis Universe, I’m all for critique and feedback ^_^

Drop me an ask || Masterlist

Under heavy skies in the rain, You're dancing in your bare feet, just like we're in a movie

“Chan look! It’s raining!!” Your eyes sparkled with excitement as you dashed to the nearest library window, eyes trained on the off-season rain. Chan watched your movement from his seat at your shared table . You’d been trying to get an assignment out of the way while he’d been studying for midterms when the rain struck- and it was like a switch had flipped in you.

You’d always been weak for peaceful rains, the ones that started as a drizzle and became a downpour, not loud or blinding with thunder and lightning. The rains had always fanned the small childish streak that lived in you and brought back warm memories from old times.

“Let’s go!” You rushed back to him, hurriedly stuffing your books into your bag, pushing Chan’s things towards him. “But where are we going?” Chan exclaimed-well, whisper shouted, because you were still in the library. “Downstairs, I want to enjoy it while it starts!” You giggled, pecking his cheek quickly before unceremoniously tossing his bag and books onto his lap. “Hurry!”

“Okay, okay, patience, Seashell.” Your eyes were still trained on the rain, an uncharacteristically free smile pasted across your face. Chan shook his head in amusement as he collected his things and you didn’t waste a second before dragging him across the library and outside, the warm scent of wet earth hitting the two of you head-on. You took a deep breath of the scented air, and it was like the stress of the college week had left your body. It felt glorious. Without a second thought, you dropped your bag, shucked off your shoes and stepped onto the cobblestones that led to the library, allowing the raindrops to hit your face and skin.

“Y/N, What are you doing?” Chan called out but you were lost to the world in your euphoria, the sheer joy that came with rare rains like this. “It’s called dancing in the rain, honey.” You laughed, your face turned skyward with the same free smile on your face. “You’re a walking romance cliche.” Chan chuckled as you twirled in the rain, your hair getting rapidly drenched by the downpour. “It’s the best feeling ever! Jen and I did this a lot back home.”

You finally turned to look at Chan and it was like his breath stopped in his chest- at that moment, there was nothing more beautiful than the way you looked, hair stuck to your forehead, barefoot on the cobblestones, with that gorgeous smile that rarely ever graced your face. It was  sight that prompted him to pull off his jacket and shoes and step into the downpour. You were right. There was something in the rain that grounded him more than he expected, the gentle pressure of the raindrops hitting his skin.

A happy shriek escaped your chest when damp arms encircled your body, lifting you and twirling you around. “I didn’t know you were a rain person!” You laughed when Chan set you down, turning around to push some stray strands of damp hair that hung over his eyes. He smiled at you, his eyes crinkling in that familiar way that left soft creases at the corners.

“I’m not, but for you, I just might.”

Coz baby we’re just reckless kids, Trying to find an island in the flood.

//

You make it look like it's magic 'Cause I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you

His lips felt like a different kind of warmth this time- not warm, hot. This kiss was different from the soft pecks you’d shared, this was open-mouthed kisses you couldn’t help but melt into. This was a red-hot passion that coursed through you, that pushed you closer to him, burying your hands in his hair as you tilted your head, letting the kiss deepen. Chan’s mouth was firm against yours, almost rough- but this time, he had to pull back with what felt like visible effort, hands tightening slightly around you. “You’re okay with where this is going, Seashell?” He breathed out, looking down at you.

“Yes.” You didn’t bother with too many words when he was standing in front of you,  looking at you with that... That hungry look in his eyes. Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, you pulled him down into another searing kiss, flinging your other arm around his neck. He gasped in surprise but quickly recovered, now letting his hands skim the bottom of your shirt to graze at the sensitive skin of your waist. You shuddered softly into the kiss- you didn’t know a simple touch could have you weak like this. 

The sharp zing of electricity sparked your veins when Chan’s hands slipped down to hook your legs around his waist, hoisting you up against him and the wall. The warmth your kisses had started with was now a raging wildfire, from the way your hands unabashedly attempted to unbutton the rest of his shirt and the roughness of his hands squeezing your legs and nestling himself further between your legs.

When he began placing breathy open-mouthed kisses against your skin, nipping gently at your jaw, earlobe, neck... you couldn’t help but let your head rest against the wall with a soft moan, his actions sparking a carnival in your head that you couldn’t help but revel in. He’d begun a gradual ascent up the hem of your shirt, his cool fingertips coaxing soft shivers up your spine. 

“We can stop whenever you want, seashell…” He murmured, pulling back and placing a kiss on your nose- an action so at odds with the lust-charged minutes you’d been sharing before. Your skirt shifted higher up your legs when you pressed your body closer to Chan’s, knowing full well that your action would work just as well as words, but-

“I don’t want to stop, Chan. I’m sure.”

I swear on my life that I've been a good girl Tonight, I don't wanna be her

//

This morning I said we should talk about it 'Cause I read you should never leave a fight unresolved

“Y/N, Come on, open the door.” Chan’s voice was loud, albeit a little muffled because he was on the other side of the door, locked out of your room.

Jennie had gone on a soul-searching trip for the weekend and you’d decided to stay back, claiming to be tired- the only thing that felt tired was your mind. The days had been dragging a little too much recently, and the overwhelming stress of university and part-timing had begun to get to you. It didn’t help that your power needed a good amount of control to keep from going haywire and changing the frequencies of all the auras around you. Jennie knew your moods, so she often left you to your own devices until you worked it out by yourself, sometimes pigging out over junk foods and atrociously bad horror movies with you. Chan, however, was new to this. So here he stood outside your bedroom door, beyond concerned.

You curled up further around the pillows on your bed,  head spinning and slightly deadened.  How were you supposed to voice the words for what you were feeling? A sigh escaped your lips when another urgent knock landed on your door, courtesy of your boyfriend.  “Chan, I’m fine. Just go back home, okay?” You called out, voice raspy from the disuse.

“No, I’m worried about you, Y/N.” Chan retorted from beyond the locked door. “You’ve been off for the whole week and you’ve been avoiding me.” His voice raised slightly from what sounded like mild annoyance. “Can you blame me for being concerned?”

You let your gaze wander to your room door. You hated looking weak. You hated feeling vulnerable like this, feeling like a liability to the people around you. How were you supposed to tell Chan that without coming off like a crazy person?

“I don’t want to see anybody right now, Chan, please.” You steeled your voice as you spit the words out, more acidic than you intended it to. “Just leave. I’ll text you later if that’s what you want.”

An exasperated sound ripped from Chan’s throat as he jiggled the doorknob again. “This isn’t about you texting me, Y/N! I’m worried there’s something wrong and you’re having to deal with it alone. I just want to help. Why can’t you just let me help?!”

Tears welled up in your eyes uninvited; there was an unfamiliar sharpness to Chan’s tone that you’d never heard before. Was he tired of you?

“Because I don’t want your help!” You yelled back, your voice cracking slightly. 

The instant, deafening silence that you got in response had the tears sliding down your face some more. Did he leave? God, why couldn’t you just be normal and accept help when you need it? A slight tremor shook your fingers as you dragged the blanket out of the bed with you, padding towards the door and unlocking it. Faced with the empty corridor in front of your now open door, a sob escaped your lips. Of course, he left. Why would he stick around after you screamed at him like that? 

Slinging the blanket around your shoulders, you dragged yourself towards the kitchen- only to stop short at the sight of Chan sitting on the kitchen counter, looking uncharacteristically diminutive with his hunched shoulders. The second he caught sight of you, he jumped off the counter, his soft grey aura barely a fuzzy field around him- thin like he had retreated into himself. Your heart wrenched uncomfortably at the sight- it was your fault he looked like that.

“I get it if you want to break up with me, Y/N.” His voice was quiet, lacking the usually bubbly sunshine that filtered through it. You stared at him incredulously through teary eyes. “W-what?”

“You’ve been avoiding me because you’ve wanted to break up and didn’t know how to say it. Am I right?” He was still speaking quietly, but there was suddenly a tinge of bitterness to it. Did he think that- “Don’t worry, I won’t hate you, I promise-”

“Are you crazy?” The words slipped out of your mouth uninhibited, along with the torrential outburst of tears. “You’re one of the best things that college brought to me, why would I want to break up with you!?” You wailed, sinking to the floor in a puddle of blanket and tears.  “College gets to me sometimes Chan,and my parents keep calling to yell at me, and my power goes haywire if I meet too many people and- and-” Your next words were muffled by Chan’s shoulder when he knelt next to you, pulling you into his familiar warmth.

“And I keep feeling like I’m not enough for you,” you mumbled out softly, but Chan’s proximity to you meant he heard the words. He pulled back, a confused look on his face. “I have a power I can barely control, I’m probably the moodiest person you’ve ever met, I’m not particularly pretty either-”

Before you could go on, Chan’s finger on your lips shushed you. “I’m not going to hear any more self-slander until you get yourself freshened up. Eat something, and we can slander ourselves to your hearts’ content. Sounds good?”

Something about that sentence had you giggling waterily, your face reflected in Chan’s eyes when they crinkled in a small smile. “Okay.”

As it turned out, the two of you didn’t indulge in the slander-session at all. Just junk food and atrociously bad horror movies, then Chan calling Jisung to get some of his clothes so he could stay overnight with you. It was warm. Nice. Unforgettable.

Stay, stay, stay I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time

//

I swear to God, when I come home I'm gonna hold you so close

“How’s home?” You asked, your voice quiet. You were perched on the window seat in your room, watching soft snowflakes float from the night sky down to the ground. “Home’s nice, Seashell.” Chan’s voice was a shot of warmth, shooting across your chest and down your spine. “My mom nearly kicked me out of the house for not bringing you home with me. The family’s dying to meet you.” You giggled into your fingers, the warmth being replaced with something colder, more...bittersweet.

It was halfway through Winter Break, and you’d chosen to come back home with Jennie, as had Chan, whose family lived in the same city as Solis University. While your family was overjoyed to have you back home, it was evident that you’d only returned to the same shattered semblance of a family you’d left behind. You spent your days either cooped up in your room in the name of studies or at Jennie’s place, her parents only too willing to have you over.

Chan, on the other hand, had been raised in a large, happy family that had never known separation. It was obvious, with the way he was so easy with his words, like he’d never had to think twice about his opinions. You wished you could see him in his element, back in his family home- surely he’d look as handsome as he always did, his smile lighting up his eyes and nose permanently tinged pink from the cold…

“I miss you, Chan.” Your voice was quiet, uncertain- saying your true feelings out loud still felt strange sometimes. Your aura shook sadly around you, pulsating around your heart when you heard Chan’s soft sigh. “I miss you too, Seashell. So much.” You could almost envision his grey aura retreating into his skin around him, the thought sending another pang of longing across your mind.

“I regret coming back here. It feels so cold and empty. I miss how Solis feels. With Jennie, and Jinyoung at work, going to Luna’s with you. All of that feels more like home to me than..than this shell I’ve come back to. I’ve always felt that I’d be better off if I never came back here, but I keep doing it anyway in the fear that it might be the wrong choice. They’re family after all. ”

This was no longer home for you. It hadn’t been for years. Home was the family you’d found in Solis University-  Jennie, your inner circle of crazy classmates, your manager at your part-time, Chan. Home was the shared apartment with your best friend, the lattes your manager would sneak to you mid-shift, banter with Chan at Luna’s…

“Seashell, if you want to leave, leave.” This was yet another thing you loved about Chan- when it came down to it, he was relentless in making sure you were safe and happy. It was a cutthroat protective instinct that drove him to provide unfiltered advice to anybody that came to him, wanting nothing but the best for the people he cared about- even if it meant destroying some part of himself. “I’m sure Jennie agrees with me when I say that your family hasn’t been a family to you for a long time. You don’t deserve that in your life. Don’t cut them off entirely if you’re not sure. But you came to Solis hoping to distance yourself from them. If you have nothing to lose from the distance, I feel like you shouldn’t wait and think about it anymore.”

His words only echoed the thoughts that had been plaguing the back of your mind ever since you came to Solis. Chan was right, you realised. You really did have nothing to lose. Maybe one day down the line, you’d come to terms with the effect your broken family had left on you, but until then..

Until then, you’d keep your distance, and count your blessings. It was time you learnt to rejoice the future’s possibilities, instead of being bogged down by your past.

“Thank you for being around for me, Chan.” You smiled, the new resolve rushing in your veins giving you a rare sense of peace. “I know it hasn’t been the smoothest time with me, but I’m so grateful you chose to stay.”

“What are you talking about, Seashell? I’ll always choose to be with you. For as long as that choice is in my hands, I’ll always choose you.”

And I'm not scared to say those words With you I'm safe, we're fallin' like the stars, fallin' in love

//

City of Stars, are you shining just for me?

“That was it for this gorgeous evening, everybody,” Chan’s grin is evident in his voice, you know it too well- you’ve heard it often enough for it to be etched into your mind. A soft smile fluttered across your face, your turquoise aura waving happy waves around your fingers. The buttery yellow of the sun had softened into soft pinks and oranges of a sunset, the day beginning to darken into night.

“Seashell, hope you enjoyed today… and now, it’s time for me to take your leave- Wishing you all an eventful weekend, this has been RJ Chris on Solis FM, we will meet again next Friday!” The usual outro song played, a familiar light melody that Chan and Jisung had slaved over for nights on end- only to be interrupted by the screen lighting up with a call- Speak of the devil.“Hello, boyfriend.” You grinned cheekily when you picked up the call, greeted by an amused scoff. “There are a million other endearments in the word, Seashell, and you still choose the most boring ones.” 

“What can I say, you clearly have the interesting nickname part down well enough for the both of us.” Chan let out a laugh at your response- the same familiar laugh that had butterflies erupt in your stomach. Even after almost a year of being with him, you were still blindingly smitten by the handsome sweetheart you could call your own.

“We’re on for Luna’s tonight, yes?” Your heart and your aura both fluttered identically at the question. Memories of your first date with him, the hesitance, surprise and novelty of it all - the two of you had come a long way since then. Chan had booked you for dinner, followed by the birthday party at your apartment that Jennie was setting up for you. “Definitely.”

“I’ll pick you up in 20. See you soon, birthday girl.”

You watched the sun set lower into the horizon, the warm colours giving way for blues and purples. A content sigh escaped your lips, feeling the lightness of your shoulders and the lightness inside you. Your aura flowed like the wind around you, the turbulence that you’d barely been able to deal with calming down as you began to blossom into your own. You’d made a more permanent move to your apartment in Solis soon after Winter Break, much to your parents’ chagrin. But you’d stood your ground and here you were, feeling freer than you had your entire life. Jennie was only too happy to move in with you, and Chan. Chan had been your anchor throughout the fast-paced change of it all, holding you when you felt your resolve crack and letting you fly free whenever you needed it. You didn’t expect to find love in college, too stuck within yourself to entertain the possibility- but you would be eternally grateful to have found somebody like Chan to prove otherwise.

Solis University provided students power in anonymity, but it also gave them the power of making their own choices. You made your choices along the way- with Jennie, your friends, your job and most importantly, Chan. You’d found joy, pain, laughter and fears but your found family had stuck through it all, unflinching and present. Looking back, you couldn’t help but realize you wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me 

//

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[blkmxrvel]

Thanks, A Latte

Pairing: Lena Luthor x Black!Female!Reader

Words: 12k

Prompt:

Summary: the five times y/n takes Lena’s heart and the one time she does something about it.

Warnings:  Just a whole lotta gay shit, also I seriously didn’t feel like editing this so-

A/N: This blank layout has been sitting in my drafts for months and it’s christmas lmao, i tried my best, it’s probably gonna be in here for a few more by the time I get done with it. (i’m posting this May 20th, 2019. I started this draf in november 2018. jfc)  It’s Lena’s “POV” meaning you really only get her side of the story, you get a bit of Y/N’s view point.

i.

It was a regular day for Lena, so it was boring. She was the owner of a coffee shop, Brainy’s. It was her first time owning anything, so she took great pride in it; it was quiet, quaint and homey, just like she liked it.

She didn’t have many employees, but she didn’t really mind it either. She was fine with making tea and coffee and getting to know her customers.

It was only her today. Winn and Kara were out of town on vacation, and Sam didn’t work weekends, so she picked up the missing times. The bell above the entrance door chimed, and in walked a short girl with her backpack hooked around her arm. Lena took notice immediately, head looking up from where she was restocking cups. She was beautiful, Lena knew that immediately.

She’d never been here before, Lena would have recognized her if she did. Her laptop was soon out in front her, eyebrows furrowed together and fingers wiggling in frustration. Even with the stress radiating off of her, Lena was pretty sure she was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

Once she was done with the small work, Lena grabbed her notebook and pen and strutted over to the pretty girl in question. She didn’t want to disrupt her, as it was clear that she was surrounded by her work.

“Hi!” She said softly, but enough to catch her attention. Lena could have swore she was in a trance. She’d seen many eyes in her life, they were her favorite feature on anyone; but her Y/E/C were something eyes. She had never seen anything like them. They were big, vibrant and dull at the same time, they held anguish, stress, pain, but sparkles of joy and peaceful were sprinkled in them. She was heartbroken and in love.

“Welcome to Brainy’s! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before, so I have a menu for you, if you would like to order.”

The girl looked at her for a few seconds, making Lena’s cheeks go a little pink. “Or not…”

She shook her head, seemingly coming out of a trance. “Sorry!” She apologized. “My mind is just so jammed packed right now. I know this is like a… special cafe, so do you have anything for focus? Something that could help me study a bit better?”

Lena thought for a moment, going through the menu that was engraved in her brain.

“Yes! But it’s not a traditional tea or coffee, it’s more of a boosted latte, that alright?” The girl nodded her head, subconsciously bouncing her legs up and down. “I’ll be right back then.”

It didn’t take long for her to become immersed in her work again, Lena noticed. The Y/E/C girl was writing things down on a notebook, softly saying the words to herself in hopes of memorizing them. Lena’s face turned down into a frown; she knew what those days were like, she was glad she was finished with school. But still, she wished that she could do something to lift her spirits.

“Here you go.” Lena said as she walked back to the table again. She didn’t acknowledge Lena’s presence, probably because she was so into her studying.

Taking note of this, Lena just sat the cup on the table. That seemed to catch the girl’s attention, she jerked her head up and smile guiltily at Lena.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t hear you, thank you so much!” Lena chuckled and just smiled back at her.

“It’s no problem at all,” Lena reassured. “I’ve been there too. Big exam?” Lena wiped her clammy hands on her apron. Her eyes were staring up at Lena, big Y/E/C eyes feeling like they were boring into Lena’s soul. She wasn’t used to this, this wave of pure euphoria that crash through her body from head to toe. She had only heard about love at first sight, she didn’t think to would ever happen to her.

“Yeah, midterm.” She replied. “It’s tomorrow and my house is never quiet enough for me to study, so places like this are my savior.” She let out something between a sigh and a chuckle before running her hands along the top of her pants. Lena frowned a little, disliking the way her body deflated.

“Well!” Lena put on her happy face and cheery face. “Good luck! This place is always open to you, and if you need anything at all, just let me know.”

The girl smiled a toothless smile at Lena, grabbing her pen and twirling it in between her fingers. “Thank you,” she said after a while. “I definitely will.”

Lena smiled one last time and walked back to the Kitchen. The mystery girl came in at the perfect time it seemed like, because at soon and Lena set her apron on her chair, Brainy’s got even busier. A wave of customers flooded through the shop, she didn’t even have time for a break that day.

It was 10 ‘till 9 and Lena was completely wiped. She had spent the rest of the day running around; taking orders and wiping tables. She hadn’t even had time to look and fawn over the pretty girl that was sitting diagonal to the counter.

How rude.

Lena stood at the counter, hands splayed over the edges. The coffee shop was practically empty, save for a few people just finishing up. Footsteps were heard getting closer to Lena, so she lifted her head. She was pleasantly surprised to see her favorite person– the new girl walking toward her. She had her bag on her shoulder and her phone in hand. Lena smiled right back, standing up straight and using her now clammy hands to smooth out her apron.

“I just wanted to say thank you, for the Latte. It was literally the best thing ever, I got all my studying done and I can finally sleep.” There was a certain giddiness to the way she spoke, something like relief and relaxation. Lena noticed that her eyes were a little brighter and that made her rejoice.

“Well I’m really glad that I could help. Would you like another for the test? Just something to boost your memory. On the house.”

She immediately shook her head. “I can pay for it, it’s fine.”

“Nah,” Lena waved her hand, leaning in a little bit. “Once my mind is made up there is no changing it.” She smirked at her, walking back to the area where the made the latte.

“I’m Lena, by the way. In case you didn’t see the name tag.” She swirled the chocolate into the cup holding it up to the whip.

“Y/N.” Lena smiled. She grabbed the lid, walking back towards Y/N.

“How fitting,” Lena said, boldness surging through her veins. “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Lena reveled the way blush crept up onto Y/N’s cheeks almost instantly, a slight smile grazed her lips. She could’ve died when Y/N’s fingers brushed against hers, taking the latte out of her hands. It seems like she almost combusted, the red on her cheeks even more prominent.

She squeaked out another “Thank you, Lena.” and then turned around rather hastily grip firm on the cup.

“Good luck!” Lena wished before Y/N walked out the door. She blessed her with another smile, opening the door and getting lost in the National City crowd.

Lena’s body was still on a high, a light buzz surrounding her. She smiled to herself and faced the wall. She tried and failed to stop the pace her of heart, certain that she was going to die at any second. She turned off the machines, deciding to close a few minutes early; the shop was empty and clean, she could leave.

Grabbing her purse and changing her shoes, she locked the door to Brainy’s, keys in her hand and Y/N in her mind.

ii.

The second time Lena sees Y/N, (two weeks later on a chilly, fall day) not much has changed. It was after Lena came back from a much needed vacation.

Y/N’s in the same state: flustered, frustrated and in a rush. Lena watches as she walks over to the same table, shoving her car keys into her pocket as she sits down. She smiles at Y/N before walking towards her.

She’s still the prettiest girl Lena has ever seen, even when it looks like she’s five seconds from combusting.

Lena arrives to the table, smile morphing into a frown when the girl she’s grown so fond of literally looks like she is about to combust.

“Another exam?” That makes Y/N’s head whip up, eyes wide with shock.

“Oh, hi! And, no. A paper this time. Due tomorrow, actually.” Her eyes went back to her laptop, scrolling through the pages she’d written so far.

Lena chuckled to herself. “Do you have a habit of starting really important things at the very last minute? Because if that’s the case then studying might not be your issue?” Y/N joined in on the laughter, Lena’s heart and eyes swelling at the sound. She knew she’d do anything to hear it over and over again.

“Trust me, I like to get head starts on these things.” She clarified then shrugged. “I just I like it here, it’s kinda like my last resort when it comes to studying. When I finally realize that my parents won’t stop yelling, I come here…” Y/N subconsciously let her shoulders fall, eyes still on her laptop.

Lena felt a sudden surge of protectiveness run through her. She placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulders, frowning slightly. “I’m sorry, but know that you’re always welcome here. From the time the doors open until they close.” She smiled reassuringly at the Y/H/C beauty.

“I’ll make sure you have an unlimited supply of anything you need. On the house.”

At that Y/N’s head snapped up, shaking immediately. “Oh no, it’s okay. I’ll just-”

“Nonsense, this is my shop.” Lena interrupted. “Let me do an act of kindness. You deserve it, truly.” Y/N smiled appreciatively.

“Okay then. Well, thank you in advance. I’m Y/N.” She stuck out her head towards Lena, and with no hesitation, Lena grasped hands with the other girls, shaking lightly.

They were warm, Lena noted. Y/N’s hands were warm, they sent a hot wave through her body on this cold November day. They were soft, smoother than any baby she’s ever met. She didn’t want to let go, but she knew she had to.

“I’m Lena.”

If it was anybody else, Lena would’ve laughed at the way Y/N had completely forgotten their first introduction. Her eyes would’ve scrunched up and a small little chuckle would’ve erupted from her throat. But instead, a smile fell upon her face, soon morphing into a frown. How much stress and pressure was she under, Lena wondered. The thought made her nauseous.

-

The rest of Lena’s day went as planned. She counted money, served customers, made drinks; the usual.

Lena’s day at Brainy’s was coming to an end. She had serviced the last customer, the bell ringing as they walked out. Well, she thought that was the last customer.

As she was putting the chairs on top of the tables, she noticed her new found favorite person in her same spot. Lena smiled at the triumphant grin on the other girls face. Her heart fluttered at the way Y/N’s eyes closed in relief, her body doing a little dance.

Lena had finished wiping down the tables when she spoke up.

“That smiles is a good thing, I hope.” She tossed the rag back into the sink and unraveled her apron. “It’s too beautiful to be anything but joyous.”

Lena had no idea where that had came from, and she didn’t regret it when she noticed the small blush on Y/N’s cheeks and smile on her lips.

“It’s a great thing actually.” She responded. “I turned in my paper and I’m really confident about it. Perks of a quiet environment, I guess. I know I would never be able to get this done at home.”

Lena feels her heart break a little inside. She didn’t understand how someone this sweet and kind couldn’t find happiness in her own home. She hoped Y/N could find home somewhere else, maybe in the form of a little coffee shop she ran. She didn’t say that though.

“I’m glad that my shop could be a part of such a beautiful journey.” Y/N chuckled.

It’s quiet for a moment. Y/N packs up her things, puts on her hat and scarf. Lena is grabbing her purse and the keys to the shop. They both head towards the door at the same time.

They meet at the door, facing each other and smiling, eyes locked. Y/N goes out on a whim, something Lena was sure was just a spur of the moment thing, and wraps her arms around Lena’s middle. The significantly shorter girl squeezed lightly.

Lena is taken aback, but doesn’t let that show on her face as she hugs Y/N back. Curls lightly hit Lena’s face, a flood of blueberry scent flooding her nose. White heat made it course throughout her. Lena closed her eyes.

“Thank you.” Y/N says as she pulls away. She looks shy at first, timid. It was like a natural instinct for her and Lena didn’t like it. She wanted to hear the rich laugh she heard earlier, see her lips and smile the most. But she sufficed with soaking up the happiness she felt as the small smile that graced Y/N’s lips.

“I don’t mean to be weird but you have no idea how much your shop and the things you do mean to me.” They lock eyes again and Lena smiles a sad smile. She steps forward and hugs Y/N again, loving the way the smaller girl melted into her frame.

“It’s nothing at all.”

iii.

This time, Y/N walks in a mess. It’s nearly a month later and tears are streaming down her face, bag in hand, hair disheveled and shaking. There aren’t many people in the shop, surprisingly, just a few people on the left. Y/N was grateful.

It’s close to midnight, so Lena is cleaning up her counter, she wasn’t really expecting anyone else. But when she hears the bell and looks up to see who it was, she immediately notices Y/N. Not the crying, though. Just the fact that she didn’t say hi and she wasn’t in her usual spot. She’s sitting in a booth.

No greeting, not even a smile, and she’s sitting in a booth. Y/N was not a booth girl. Something was wrong.

The last few people that were in the cafe left and Lena didn’t hold herself back. She walked right up to Y/N, who’s spaced out, and sits right next to her.

Lena doesn’t say anything, just closes as much distance as possible before wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. The latter turns her head and stares at Lena, willing herself not to cry into front of the person whose opinion she cared about most.

That didn’t work, Lena knew the girl across from her way too well. The nights they had spent talking had really done wonders. Lena never thought she would care about someone as much as she did with Y/N. She felt like she knew Y/N: strong, determined, albeit stubborn. She also knew that Y/N was one of the most kind-hearted people in this world. She was so strong that she felt like she couldn’t feel vulnerable, Lena knew, because she felt the same way.

Lena squeezed Y/N’s shoulder, going out on a whim to lean forward and press her lips to her forehead.

That broke the dam. Y/N released a shaky sigh, her body convulsing as she leaned into Lena’s shoulder. She sobbed into Lena and wrapped her arms around Lena’s middle. The raw pain vibrated into Lena’s soul, so she held Y/N tighter and forced herself not to cry.

Lena knew pain like this. She had lived it time and time again growing up. The pain of all your problems, breaking the weight of your soul, not being able to hold it any longer. The way your sobs spoke for you, Lena had been through this all before.

That’s why she didn’t say anything. She didn’t try bothering with the whole self-assuring mantra. She knew the it’s okay and you’re not alone speeches were useless. They only made people feel worse. So she resorted to comforting Y/N the way she always needed somebody to comfort her.

She pull her closer into herself, so much that the smaller girl was practically sitting on her lap. Arms wrapped around her neck, she felt tears soaking through her shirt but she couldn’t bring herself to care. A shirt over the heartbroken beauty she had grown to like? It was impossible. Her hands soothed over Y/N’s heaving body, so calm and so gentle, the way she always needed. Soft, pillow curls ticked her chin, and Lena smiled.

It didn’t dawn on her that the position they were in was anything but platonic. That for people had known each other for 2 months were this close, this comfortable. It all felt so natural for her that she didn’t realize her heart beating and breaking at once. All she cared about was you.

She let Y/N cry for as long as she needed. Her loud sobs eventually dulled into weak whines, and soon into silence. She didn’t know what time it was. It was silence before Lena spoke up, hearing her take a deep breath.

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. We can just sit here until you feel better.”

She felt Y/N shake her head. She sniffled a little before she lifted her head. Bloodshot Y/E/C eyes stared into Lena, and the latter just smiled.

“No it’s fine. I’m not gonna do all this and then not tell you. It’s not fair.” Lena chuckled while moving some hair out of Y/N’s face.

“It’s not about me, Angel. You do whatever you’re comfortable with.” She pretended not to see the smile and blush that appeared on Y/N’s face.

“I’m comfortable.” Y/N replied as she laid her head back onto Lena’s shoulder, facing the counter. Lena smiled and kept rubbing her back.

It was several minutes before Y/N spoke up again. No matter how comfortable Y/N said she was, she knew it would take a while for her to let it all out.

Lena had to strain her ears to her Y/N. “My parents arguing got worse. The worst it’s ever been. I don’t know what was said, but my mother left and took my two younger sisters with her. I don’t know why she didn’t take me, she knows me and my dad don’t get along. Oh well.”

“They did all that while I was studying for my exam too. It was so quiet all week I thought that they were finally starting to get along. Guess not.” A sniffle. “My dad yelled at me so bad afterward. He told me to go after them or do chores or something. I don’t know, so much was happening it was hard for me to process it all.”

Lena still didn’t say anything. Knowing that if she did Y/N would stop.

“I’m so tired, Lena.” Y/n’s voice broke. “Everything is just so much between school and home. I can’t even go back home because I know I’d hear my dad’s mouth if I did. He would try and blame it all on me. After a while I know I’d start to believe him. I mean my mother just left me there with him. Just me. Maybe I am the problem.”

“Okay, no.” Lena spoke up, not allowing Y/N to belittle herself. “That’s not your fault. Whatever problems your parents have is not up for you to take the blame for. You didn’t ask for any of it, not the arguing and discomfort. Hell, you didn’t even ask to be born.” Y/N chuckled. “Your parents are problems are results of your parents issues. Not you.” Lena ended firmly, letting Y/N know that she was 1000% serious.

Y/N wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck tighter and sat it silence for a little bit. This time it was Lena who broke it.

“You can stay with me. Since you said you don’t want to go home. I have an extra room and I live alone, it’s fine.”

Y/N lifted her head up and kissed Lena’s cheek, an action surprising them both. “Thank you, Lena. I’m staying with my grandma though. At least for the week, and then I’ll figure out something from there. She’s old and fragile, I don’t wanna stress her out too much.”

Lena hummed. “Well, just let me know. My door is always open for you.” Lena had the sudden urge to say that her heart was too, but she didn’t dare.

“You’re a saint.”

—

Three hours had passed before Y/N had decided to leave. Lena did her best to distract Y/N from her problems. Lena seldom left any subject untouched. They had talked about it all: book, hobbies, school, friends, music, and most importantly dreams and goals. Y/N wants art, Lena wants science. Y/N told Lena about her love for roller coasters, and Lena told Y/N about how terrified she was of them.

They played games. TicTacToe, I-Spy, hangman hide and go seek. They had the time of their lives. Especially for Lena, she had liked to think it was a date, but she’d never voice that out loud. It wasn’t until the 6th round of hide-and-go-seek that Lena decided to call it a night. She had been looking for Y/N for 10 minutes, 10 minutes! She should know this place like the back of her hand, it was her shop. Y/N wasn’t doing anything to help her out either, there wasn’t a sound heard anywhere.

Lena had decided to look in the closet, she was positive that was where Y/N had to be hiding. There was literally no place else.

Lena held her breath, steadying her hand onto the door handle.

3…..2…..1…..

“Got you!” Lena yanked the door open, smile wide on her face and ready to see the shocked look on her face. But she was the shocked one. Y/N was laying on the floor, curled up into nothing more than a ball with a bundle of curls on top.

Lena’s heart melted at the sight. Y/N hand was scrunched up under her chin. She knew she was in love. Okay. Maybe not in love, in love, but pretty damn close to it.

She took out her phone, yawning herself when she saw the time. 4:27. She kneeled down, getting a good look at Y/N before slowly waking her up.

YN’s face contorted into an expression of discomfort and anger when her eyes open. That dissipated though, when she saw Lena’s caring smile above her.

“Hey, Sleepyhead. It’s pretty late. And I’m not going to leave you here to sleep in the closet. But I will walk you to your grandmother’s house if you’re up to it?” Y/N nodded her head sleepily, taking Lena’s hand and standing up. It took a little while for Y/N to balance herself, but a few seconds later she had it.

Y/N walked to the exit, smiling gratefully when Lena handed her her bag. She opened the door for Lena, subconsciously leaning into her. Lena blushed hard, thankful that Y/N had been too tired to look up.

“Cambridge Street. It’s just a block or two away. I can walk alone.”

“This late at night? I think not.” Lena scoffed.

“But then you would have to walk home, that’s not safe either.” Lena smiled and grabbed Y/N’s hand, walking a bit slower.

“I’ll be fine. I have friends who look out for me.”

“What? Is your friend Supergirl?” Lena just laughed. If only she knew.

“Whatever.” The two of them walked in silence. Both of them were most content they had ever been. Y/N rested her head on Lena’s shoulder, Lena rested her head on Y/N’s. It was quite perfect.

Just as they rounded the corner, a large white house with silver lights screamed at them.

“This is me.” Y/N yawned. She didn’t lift her head until they had reached the steps.

Y/N wrapped her arms tightly around Lena’s middle, squeezing incredulously while Lena reciprocated. “Thank you.” She said. “Thank you for everything you’ve ever done. From the first moment I walked into your shop until now. I’m forever grateful.

“Anytime, sunshine.” Lena smiled as she let go of Y/N to reach for her phone, handing it to Y/N. “I’m always here. You can put your number in if you want, and then anything you need to talk you can alwa-”

Y/N grabbed the phone before Lena could finish her sentence, entering in her number and handing it back to Lena. “Done. You don’t have to tell me twice.” Lena chuckles, and they end up wrapped in that silence again. Only this time it was more vulnerable.

They stand at the doorstep, staring at each other. There’s something there. Y/N can feel it too, Lena is sure of it.

She’s never wanted to kiss someone so bad. She’s never wanted to wrap her arms around someone’s body and feel their warmth; protect them from every single threat. She’s never wanted to hear the laugh, see the smile, and just know that she’s made a beautiful heart beat a little faster. She’s never wanted to take someone’s pain away and be their happiness, not as much as her does with Y/N. Should she kiss her?

She doesn’t. She just settle with a kiss on Y/N’s forehead and a promise to see each other soon.

As Y/N walks into the house, Lena feels a pang of regret in her chest at the soft lips that pull up into a shy smile. Lena wanted to feel that same smile as their lips were pressed together.

She sighs. She should’ve kissed her.

iv.

Lena sees Y/N for the fourth time at Brainy’s two weeks later. They’ve been hanging out quite a bit since that night and it’s safe to say that Lena is completely infatuated with the brown skin beauty.

They’ve become the best of friends in the past two weeks, attached at the hip. They hang out at the park near Y/N’s house, go out for lunch when Lena had days off, shopping on Lena’s payday. Was Lena spending her money on Y/N? Yes. Did she enjoy spoiling her? Of course. What she ever going to tell Y/N about her feelings? Absolutely…..not!

With everything that Y/N has been going through lately, it wasn’t fair to just drop such a bomb on her like that. Besides, they were just starting to get to know each other, she didn’t want to jeopardize what little they had so quickly. And she didn’t even know if Y/N liked girls, let alone if she was the slightest bit interested in Lena!

Lena’s perfectly fine with falling in love from afar right now. She’s content with staring at Y/E/C eyes, or secretly reveling in the beauty she saw on her wash days, dripping with water in all its curly glory. She was fine with going to sleep wondering what it what feel like to have her right next to her, deep in a peaceful slumber. She was okay with suffering in gay silence.

For now.

It was another day at work for Lena, taking orders and wiping down tables when a chime came from the entrance. She put on her best fake smile and prepared to say the tired out greeting. Flattening out her apron she looked up.

“Welcome to Brainy’s! How may I he- Y/N? What are you doing here?” Y/N smiled, gripping her bag a little tighter.

She smirked. “Are you not happy to see me, Ms. Luthor?” Lena rolled her eyes playfully.

“You know I always am Ms. Y/L/N. I just wasn’t expecting you is all.” Lena straightened out her posture, placing her hands on the register. “What brings you? More homework?”

Y/N laughed and shook her head. Lena’s head was spinning.

“Nope, still on winter break! I just figured I’d pop up and pay you a visit! If that’s alright…” Y/N tilted her head towards Lena, her face changing, almost like she was beginning to regret popping up. Maybe she wasn’t as close to Lena as she thought she was.

Lena recognized this and shook her head dismissively. She was thinking of me. She. Was thinking. Of me. “Of course it’s alright! As long as you don’t waiting for awhile before my break.” Lena looked at the clock. 11:57. 1 hour to go.

“I don’t mind.” Y/N raised the bag that hung across her shoulder. “I brought some music theory and compositions with me. Can I get my usual please?” She rocked up on her toes, shiny a pleasing smile (Lena’s head was really spinning) before reaching into her bag to grab her wallet.

“Sure. But you don’t need that.” Lena turned her back to go and start making a Brainiac Boost Latte, the machine whirring as Lena added the ingredients.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s on the house, as always.” Y/N was the one the roll her eyes this time.

“Oh come on, Lena. You never let me give you things. While you always get me things, buy things for me. Why can’t I do the same?”

Lena shrugged, taking the cup off the machine and placing a lid over it. “Maybe I just like spoiling you.”

Lena was glad that her back was turned, because that did not mean to slip out of her mouth.

“Well, what if I wanna spoil you, too? Can’t I?” Lena wasn’t expecting that one either. But she didn’t let it show as she turned back around and gave Y/N her drink. “Isn’t that my right?”

Lena thought and let it sink in before she shrugged again. “I suppose.”

“Thank you.” Y/N handed Lena $10, walking away quickly and sitting at the table right next to the counter.

That wasn’t her usually spot, but at least she wasn’t at a booth, Lena surmised.

There was a comfortable silence between the two. Lena was working, doing her usual, and Y/N would occasionally ask Lena questions to cease the quiet. This time it was about music.

“Do you have a favorite genre of music, Lena?” Y/N lifted her head up to watch Lena wipe away at the counters.

“Classical is up there. Always been a sucker for a good composition.” Y/N smiled, eyes slanting.

“Do you have a favorite composer? Besides me, of course.” Lena stopped her wiping, shining a signature smirk at Y/N.

“I mean you are number one on my list. But Riopy and Mozart are a close second.”

“Hm,” Y/N hummed. “Maybe your mind is greater than I thought.” Lena chuckled.

“Why do you say that?”

“No reason, I just love both of them too. Not many people appreciate Classical.”

“That’s true.” Lena paused. “I’ve always been a sucker for country too!”

Lena wasn’t ready for the way Y/N’s eyes lit up and she bounced in her seat. “Oh my god! Me too! So many people talk shit about it, and I don’t understand it.”

“Their minds aren’t as great as ours.” Lena glances at the clock, feeling giddy when she saw that it was indeed her lunch break. “Great minds do think alike, after all.”

They fall back into silence as Lena sits across from Y/N at the table. She has her art supplies, sketchbook, pencil, the whole lot. She isn’t really hit with anything to draw, that us until her eyes fell onto Y/N.

There’s something about the energy that Y/N radiates that makes Lena so inspired. She wants to capture it with her pencil, put it on paper so everyone could see what she sees. (Okay maybe not, because she doesn’t want anyone else falling in love with her Y/N. That would thoroughly complicate things.)

Lena’s in love frustrated. How do I say I want to draw you without saying I want to draw you?

By saying it, dum dum.

Oh, shut up.

“Hey Y/N?” Lena leans in a little, glancing at her work.

Y/N doesn’t lift her eyes as she mutters a ‘hm?’ in response. She’s too focused. Lena made sure to add ‘Y/N’s focused face’ in her mental archives. “Would you mind if I drew you?” There’s a stutter in Y/N’s movements. Lena’s mind goes in overdrive with anxiety.

“I- Its just that your hair…its so beautiful.” Creep much?  “A-and I need practice on drawing different textures and facial features. I don’t want my art to be whitewashed and bland, I need…..a pop of color.”

Y/N snickers and Lena wrings her hands, nervous that she totally fucked up.

“What?”

“I know that wasn’t a black joke but the irony got me,” Y/N finally looks up, the sides of her eyes in crinkles as she tries to hold in her laugh. “Go ahead.”

Lena laughs and goes to a fresh new page. “You don’t have to like… look at me or anything, just do what you’re doing.”

Lena begins drawing. Starting with Y/N’s face: Heart shaped, round, perfect for her hands. She got the way Y/N her lip in concentration. She smirked when she licked her lips, knowing that Y/N was growing anxious with Lena’s eye on her. Then her hair, the way a pink bandana holds it back, taming it’s glory nature. She left the bandana out, though. She didn’t want Y/N to be tamed. She wanted her to be loose, carefree. She wanted to look at the way Y/N laughed and groaned when the strands of her hair got caught in her lip gloss. Or not care when her hair got wet after she had just straightened it. She wanted Y/N: uncensored, unfiltered, unedited.

It didn’t take long for Lena to finished her sketch. She committed every stroke to her memory, knowing for certain that this wouldn’t be the last time she drew the brown beauty sitting across from her.

Y/N was writing the last of her notes when she heard the incessant sound of the pencil on paper come to a slow halt. The sound of the long sigh fell from Lena’s lips, making her lift her head.

“Are you done?” She asked. Lena’s eyes met her own, a smile coming onto her face.

“Yeah. You wanna see?” An eye roll.

“Duh, Luthor. I gotta see how pretty you made me.” You’re already the prettiest, how could I improve something that’s already so perfect?

Lena keeps her mouth shut, grabbing her book and flipping it to show Y/N. Y/N is taken aback when she sees it, sees her. She’s drew…so meticulously. Every detail is there, every wrinkle, curve; Lena didn’t miss a thing. It looks exactly like her. Except, the Y/N on paper looks different, more serene and undisturbed.

“Is that how you see me?” Y/N asks after a while. Her eyes are staring at Lena, heart racing and cheeks hot. “So…angelic?”

“Well angels are angelic, Y/N. It’s kind of implied.” Lena quips. Y/N just smacks her lips and shoves Lena a little, forcing a chuckle out of her.

“Well, thank you. You’re really talented, Lena. This looks beautiful.” Lena shrugs and hands the drawing over to Y/N (She’s already taken a picture).

“No need to thank me. I didn’t do much. Your face is already like that, I just put it on paper.” Y/N giggles as she declines it. She wants Lena to keep it. A beautiful piece like that doesn’t need to get messed up at her grandmother’s house.

The rest of their time together is spent laughing at Y/N’s terrible attempts at drawing. She tried to draw a dog, which oddly turned out to look like an alligator. Then a baby, which ended up as a dog. And then a fruit, you don’t even want to know how that turned out.

“Don’t laugh, we all know art isn’t my thing. I just wanted to see how much I was working with.”

“Apparently not much.” Lena mumbled under her breath.

“Hey! I heard that.” Y/N laughs.

“Oops?” Another eye roll is giving before Lena glances back at the clock, her break over with.

“Well, I have to head back. This was quite a pleasant time.” Lena stands up as Y/N does, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” Y/N utters as her face is in Lena’s shoulder. “I always have the best times when I’m with you.”

Lena feels the rush of pride through her veins. It doesn’t go away, instead it’s inflated when that new but warm feeling of love comes it. Lena welcomes them both, head cloudy as she walks out the door, a promise to text her on her lips.

She needs to kiss her.

v.

The air is even colder than the last time Y/N was here, if not colder. White lines appeared on her hands when she scratched them, a clear indicator that it was way too cold for her to be outside.

The sun had just set, it’s red-orange light beamed on her as she walked towards the entrance, keys in hand.

She walks in, a bit more smiley and pep in her step. Lena doesn’t notice, she’s too busy cleaning up the mess that James had just made. He’d locked a cup into the machine and forgot how to unlock it. Needless to say, he’s stuck on busboy duty for a while.

Lena had just tossed the rag back into the bucket. An exhausted sigh fell out of her mouth when she walked up to the counter, not even lifting her head up just yet.

“It looks like you need the pick-me-up latte this time.” Lena subconsciously snapped her head up, an immediate smile spreading across her lips.

“Y/N!” Lena beamed. “Hey, how are you?” She quickly lets her eyes scan over Y/N’s body: a cute, fluffy blue sweater with black slacks (that hugged her curves in just the right way), fit black flats and a silver hat snug on the top of her head. She looks likes a princess and Lena melts, quite literally.

Y/M shoved her hands into her pockets, rocking on her tiptoes and trying not to fluster at the way Lena’s eyes were locked into hers.

“I’m doing alright. You?”

Lena huffed out a small laugh. Typing on the screen in front of her. “As best as I can be. I hope you don’t have to work today. It’s Christmas Eve!”

Y/N smiled to herself. Lena didn’t know that though, so when her bright white teeth caught Y/N’s eye, she nearly fainted.

“I actually don’t! Classes ended last week, but it’s not like I had anyone to celebrate it with anyways.” She shrugs. Lena feels bad.

“Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring it up. I’m over it anyways.” Lena doesn’t believe that. She lets it go, though, when Y/N shakes her head, dismissing the cute brunette with crystal eyes across from her.

“Of course you didn’t! I know that. Don’t worry about it.” Lena suddenly gets an idea in her head. Invite the pretty girl over for Christmas! Give her a present, tell her how you fell. Okay, maybe that last part was a bit…premature.

There’s a silence again. That silence. The silence that makes Lena want to close down the shop and kiss Y/N until the sun comes up.

“Spend Christmas with me.” Okay, Lena most definitely did not mean for that to come out of her mouth. Not like that at least. Y/N sputters, there’s practically smoke covering out of her ears. Lena blushes like hell.

“I mean! M-My friends and I, we have this thing we do every year, we call it friendsmas. It basically just a second Christmas, but with your friends!” Lena feels this sudden wave come over her. Was that…nervousness? Oh god.

“You’re welcome to come. I’m sure they would love you.” I do. “No one should have to spend Christmas alone.” Especially a beautiful woman like you.

Get a fucking grip, Luthor.

Y/N rocks back and forth on her toes. She’s playing with her fingers and avoiding Lena’s eyes.

“I- I don’t know. I mean I wouldn’t know anyone and I wouldn’t have a gift-”

“Just bring food.” Lena interrupts. “Literally anyone would be happy with food. They are greedy.” They both chuckle. “Only if you’re up for it, though. I would hate for you to feel uncomfortable. It’s completely your choice.” Though it would make my year if you came.

Y/N shrugs and rearranges her bag. “I’ll think about it. Anyways! I wanted to know what time you were off. There’s this cool new ice skating thingy at the lake and I wanted to know if you wanna go check it out.”

Hey! Let’s go on a date! You’re really pretty inside and out and I don’t ever wanna leave your side. Y/N didn’t say that, Lena knows.  But she really wishes she did. Was this a date? Could it actually be possible that Y/N returned Lena’s feelings?

She just smiled through her thoughts, reaching behind her to take off her apron. “I’m off now, actually. Cal is already here, and of course I would love to go.”

They walked outside together. Y/N didn’t have a car, and she assumed Lena didn’t either, so she thought they were going to walk. It wasn’t until she felt a warm hand grasping hers and pulling her towards the parking lot did she realize she was wrong.

Lena pulled Y/N along, trying to memorize the way her hand felt. It was soft, smooth, but she could feel the calloused fingertips on her skin, a result of endless hours of music practice.

Y/N’s eyes bulged out of her head when they got to Lena’s car. “Wow! This car is….” “Cool?”

“Hot!” That made Lena smirk, walking over to the passenger door. She held the door open for Y/N and closed it when she was in.

They drove in basic silence the whole ride there, the good silence. It was almost natural for Lena to grab Y/N’s hand as they approached the door. She noticed her uneasiness. Maybe it was because Lena was holding her hand and she didn’t want her to. Maybe it was because it was Lena, the girl she has been wanting to kiss since she was her. Maybe it was because Y/N wanted to blurt out i like you! Into the expanse of the car, but couldn’t find the courage.

Whatever it was, it made Y/N grip Lena’s hand tighter.

When Y/N and Lena got into the rink, they were both apprehensive, though the presence of one made the other feel better. And the scenery, oh, God the scenery. They had never seen anything so peaceful. A giant Christmas tree sat behind the rink, lights wrapped all around them. Music was playing loud enough to sing along, but soft enough to keep the merry energy. Kids, friends, parents, lovers were all skating around. Laughs were heard – the sound of making memories with the ones you loved most. Y/N wanted to feel what they felt. Lena wanted to give Y/N that feeling.

Lena didn’t tell Y/N that she hated the cold, and Y/N didn’t tell Lena that she didn’t know how to skate, but they sucked it up to be in each other’s presence.

“Are you ready?” Lena was trying her best to hold in her laughter. Y/N was clinging onto the side rail, wobbly in her skates and shivering. She wasn’t even on the ice yet. She was in the entryway, scared to take the first step.

“Um, not really. I changed my mind.” She tried to bargain. “Let’s just watch christmas movies inside instead.”

Lena grabbed Y/N by the waist, easing her onto the ice. They stayed still for a bit, Lena keeping them upright when Y/N lost her balance. “I won’t let you fall.” Y/N trusted her.

And so they skated, skated for two hours. Lena teaching Y/N how to keep her balance, and Y/N giving Lena some warmth every time she failed and fell right on top of her. It was a win-win situation.

They ended up sitting on the ice (Y/N fell and didn’t feel like getting back up. Lena got down for moral support) as the fireworks were being set off.

Lena looked over at Y/N when it happened; white, green, and red illuminating across brown skin. She swore she had never seen anyone more beautiful. Y/N’s nose was a bit red, her hands clammy as she blew into the, to keep them warm. The wind blew her hair back a little when the fireworks started, big Y/E/C eyes shining brighter than the lights. Her skin was glowing. Lena knew that in that moment she was going to kiss her. She didn’t know when, but she was certain she wasn’t going to wait longer than she had to.

Y/N leaned into Lena, trying to save body heat. “Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” She asked. “I’ve never felt so…calm.” She turns to Lena after a moment, smiling brightly. “Thank you, Lena. Thank you for everything.”

Y/N moves completely on top of Lena, arms wrapping around her neck and she hugs the Luthor tight. Lena hugs back, obviously, rubbing her back and rocking them lightly. “You’re so welcome, sunshine.”

They move from the hug, but stay in close proximity of each other. After a while, they get too cold. They return their skates, grab their things and get back in the car. Two hours of cold and skating really makes you hungry, so Lena suggest Big Boy’s. Y/N, a lover of anything food, just agrees. This ride is filled with that silence too, Y/N grasping Lena’s hand.

They eat in the car. Lena paid, obviously. And when their down Lena drives Y/N back to her grandmother’s. Lena gets out the car and walks Y/N up to the door, the same spot the first time Lena wondered what Y/N’s lips tasted like.

“Did you have fun?” Y/N chuckles.

“I should be the asking you that. I’m the one that invited you. But yes, yes I did. I had the most fun I’ve ever had.” That seems to be a recurring thing whenever she’s around Lena, Y/N notices. “Thank you.”

They were silent for a few seconds, Lena tested the air. It was identical to the one last time. The same pull, same mutual desire. She could feel it. They had most definitely went on a date.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow? Will you text me the address?” Lena stared at Y/N confused for a second, but then she quickly figured out that Y/N was referring to friendsmas.

“I’ll do you one better. Let me pick you up? 7-ish?” Y/N nodded, her hands going to her back pockets. Lena was just itching to replace Y/N’s hands with hers.

“Yeah. Is there a special attire or something?”

‘Not really.” She wanted to say that Y/N looked beautiful everything so it doesn’t matter, but this time she….actually did? The blush on Y/N’s face and the small thank you that left her lips was evident enough. She actually did it!

Lena was feeling like hot shit now. “If you want, you can bring extra clothes and stuff too. We usually end up staying the night since it’s just us. But if you don’t feel comfortable, I can drive you back home.”

Y/N shook her head. No, it’s fine. I can stay, you’ll be there right? All night?”

Lena nodded. “All night and into the very late morning. I won’t leave you, sunshine. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Y/N giggled.

“Darn it! So close!” Y/N joked. Lena’s carried more weight than either of them realized. Lena meant it, she knew it and was sure Y/N knew it, since there was a smile on her face. There goes that silence again.

“Well! I guess it’s settled then. I promise you’ll love them and they’ll love you even more. Hopefully it’ll feel like home to you.” Hopefully I’ll feel like home to you.

“Thank you, a lot Lena. Really.” Y/N stands on her tiptoes, going to hug Lena for the last time that night, and pressing her lips to the corner of Lena’s mouth for the first. Y/N didn’t see the blush on Lena’s lips, thank God. She slipped in the house before Lena could open her eyes. 

vi. [versus 1]

It’s Christmas! Lena wakes up smiling to herself, it’s the happiest she’s ever been. She doesn’t have any immediate family, Lillian is still in jail and her brother is…..her brother. She took the majority of her day to do some last minute shopping. She prepped some food and did her laundry.

She spend most of her day shopping for Y/N, though. She had to make sure that this day was perfect for her, which includes the perfect gift. She remembered you talking about how you loved music and time you spent the whole time studying music. She also remembers how beautiful Y/N  looked, she had the portrait to prove it. Y/N told her that she wanted to play music more often, piano specifically, she just didn’t have a piano to play it on.

After she took her shower and ate some food, she made her way to the highest rated music store in national city. Lena knew that Y/N’s confession wasn’t a cry for pity, Y/N hated pity. She wasn’t trying to guilt trip Lena into buying her instruments, she just felt comfortable enough to tell Lena these things. That doesn’t mean Lena wasn’t going to buy you one anyways.

“Hi! Welcome! Do you need help in finding anything?” An employee greeted Lena as she walked into the store. She smiled, shifting in her shoes.

“Yes actually, I’m doing some last minute shopping and I was wondering where you keyboards were.” Justin, the associate, smiled.

“Yes! Right this way.” Justin led Lena to the back of the store, immediately they were surrounded by piano keys. “Were you looking for full size or partial?”

“Full size. Which one is the closest to an actual grand?”

“That would be…..” Justin trailed walking around. Lena followed. “This one right here, Yamaha Arius YDP-143. It’s one of the newest, digital but has everything that an acoustic piano would have: weighted keys, pedals, the lot.” Lena nodded her head, satisfied.

“That’ll work, thank you. ” She watched as Justin called another associate to assist in bringing the keyboard to the front.

Lena picked the one that looked the best: Black, sleek, pretty. Just like Y/N, she thought. She mentioned that she would like your name engraved at the top, and made her way to check out.

Meanwhile, Y/N was out buying something for Lena. Art was her favorite, Y/N knew that much. Lena probably had every art supply there way, so she wasn’t even sure the gift would mean anything to Lena. I mean, look at her car: freaking immaculate.

She bought them anyways though. Easel, paint, brushes, pencils of all sorts, it was safe to say Y/N was officially broke. She left that store and went to another, buying ingredients for Empanadas, fruit salad and brownies. She wasn’t going to show up empty handed. She needed to make a good impression, she needed to stop wallowing in her grandmother’s sun room being lonely, and she needed to put herself out there. She was thankful Lena had given her the opportunity.

Y/N wrapped the easel, paint, and brushes carefully. She spent a lot of money on these and would be damned if they got messed up before she could even give them to Lena. She prayed that Lena would like these.

The hours fly by and Lena is trying to get dressed, trying being the key word. She was freaking out. She dropped the gift at Kara’s place in advanced, it was too big of a gift to just hide in the trunk, you know. Besides Kara was a doll and lifted it with ease.

She’s stressed out over her outfit. She has to pick an outfit that says look at m e! but not one that says look at me! …Lena was having a hard time understanding it herself.

There was so much she wanted to do tonight: introduce Y/N to her friends, make her happy, hopefully she’ll make friends, hopefully she’ll like the gift, confess feelings and kiss her! She really, really wanted to kiss her. With consent of course, but what better day than the day of love and giving.

She decided to go with something simple, black jeans and cute Christmas sweater. She had simple black boots on and her hair was straightened down her back. When it’s getting close to 6:45 she pulls out her phone and texts Y/N.

hey, sunshine. i’m on my way. be there in 15 x

Y/N was sitting on the porch when Lena pulled up, way too anxious to just be sitting in the house. She smiled when she saw the white Tesla in her driveway. She picked up the art materials first, wrapped in pink and yellow paper. It wasn’t the best since Y/N hasn’t had a Christmas in a while, but it was decent.

Lena jumps out to help Y/N with the gifts, giving her a kiss on the cheek when they met each other. Lena doesn’t dare ask what it is and who it’s for, she just slides it in the backseat.

Y/N runs back and grabs the containers of food and gets in the car, Lena closing it behind her. Y/N bounces her leg up and down, shaking her hands out. Lena takes her seat, putting the car into drive.

“Ready?” She asks.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Y/N smiles weakly, her leg bouncing faster. Lena notices and nudges Y/N’s shoulder.

“You’ll be fine, Y/N. I promise. None of them bite. And if they do….bite them back.” They both laugh at that, Y/N rubbing her hands over her thighs.

“I know, I’m just a little nervous is all. Thank you again for inviting me, Lena. It means a lot.”

Lena scoffs playfully as she stops at a red light. “Stop thanking me, Y/L/N. There’s no need. Just relax, feel the moment, be happy.” Y/N exhales a deep breath, trying to follow Lena’s instructions.

It wasn’t long before they got to the party. As soon as the door was opened, a blonde girl with glasses smiled and gave her a big hug.

“You must be Y/N! It’s so nice to meet you! Lena talks about you nonstop!” Lena shot Kara a whatthefuckwhywouldyousaythat look.

“It’s great to meet you too, Kara.”

They stepped inside and Y/N was immediately greeted by everyone. She met Winn who was dating James. Alex who was dating Maggie. Cal, who’s she seen a few time at the cafe, was dating Nia. She felt at home right away, they were laughing and giggling. Christmas music played in the background.

Y/N was dancing around with Alex when she heard her name being called. “Please tell me you’re coming over for  game night.” Her voice was muffled, a warm Empanada in her mouth.

“Yeah! These brownies are freaking delicious! Not too much chocolate, not too bitter. Perfect.” Winn.

Y/N blushed. They actually wanted her to come.

“You guys only like her for her food, so shallow.” Maggie came over and wrapped her arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “She should come back because she’s so great to be around, idiots.” Maggie turned to Y/N. “Seriously kid, you’re like a breath of fresh air.”

Y/N only muttered out a small thank you and sure before Nia came and demanded to give gifts. She zoned for the most part of that, she was too nervous about whether Lena would like her gift or not. If she would say thanks, but no thanks. Or be disappointed that she didn’t anything better.

“Okay! Lena your turn.” Y/N broke herself out of her thoughts. She forced herself up and walked over to the tree. “These are for you, it’s not much but I hope you like it.”

Lena gasped to herself. Y/N got her a gift? She wasn’t expecting that. Tears sprang to her eyes when she opened the gift. She’d been wanting these paints and brushes for months. She never got them because she figured she had other things to worry about.

“I love it, Y/N.” Lena got up to hug the girl that was literally quaking in her boots, well… fuzzy socks. She squeezed tighter when she felt a breath of relief coming from Y/N’s mouth.

“I actually have a gift for you too, but it’s in the other room.” No one paid them any mind as they walked to the guest room, they just finished exchanging gifts. Lena stopped right before the door, telling Y/N to cover her eyes.

“Why? You aren’t going to kill me, right?”

“Of course not, too many witnesses.” Lena smirked and Y/N laughed. She covered her eyes, goosebumps raising on her skin as Lena led her inside.

“Okay…. Open!” Y/N let her hands fall, eyes widening like little moons when she saw the keyboard box. She immediately teared up.

“You didn’t.” Lena stepped next to Y/N, a light smile on her face.

“I did.”  Y/N stammered, looking between Lena and the box on the floor.

“Lena you… You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“I can’t take this.” Lena frowns and steps in front of Y/N.

“Why not?” She asked. “You deserve it, more than anyone I know.” Lena steps closer, invading Y/N’s personal space. She could feel Y/N breath as she looked up at her.

“You’ve already done so much for me, I….I don’t wanna seem like a moocher.” Lena chuckled at Y/N use of words. She feels a surge of confidence flood her veins.

“You aren’t a moocher, sunshine. You’re just a pretty girl that I wanna spoil and give the world to.” Her hand came up to cup Y/N’s face, heart swelling when Y/N leans into her touch.

This is the moment, the one Lena has been waiting for. Where that air is flowing around them, entrapping the two in their own bubble.

Lena takes a deep breath and places her other hand on Y/N’s cheeks. She feels her heart race as Y/N looks up at her with those big Y/E/C eyes, full of wonder and curiosity. Lena continues.

“From the first moment I laid my eyes on you, the girl with the best hair and the smoothest brown skin I have ever seen. All stressed out. It broke my heart seeing you like that, and I knew I would do everything to make you feel safe, happy, protect you. And when you spoke, and showed me your heart time and time again. I know that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Can you let me do that?”

Lena can tell that Y/N is processing her words. Her eyes move all around Lena’s face. Lena knew she was looking for any sign of hesitation, insincerity, anything that would lead to believe that this was all a joke, too good to be true. But when she didn’t find any she nodded her head, leaning herself more into Lena’s hands.

“Can I kiss you?” Lena asked. Y/N stared and nodded again. As soon as their lips touched, there were fireworks. Y/N was shy, so Lena took her hands and placed them on her shoulders. She felt Y/N grip them and  pull herself closer, almost like she was just know coming to her senses. Lena’s hands went back to Y/N’s cheeks, squishing her cheeks.

They pulled away when it was hard to breathe. Y/N immediately giggled and hide her face. Lena smiled. “Are you okay? Was that okay?” Y/N nodded.

“I’m fine and that was more than okay.” She smiled up at Lena, like a happy puppy.

“There’s something else.” Lena squinted. Y/N ducked her head again, covering her face it her hands. Her words were muffled.

“What?”

“That was my first kiss.” Lena’s eyes widened. She was glad Y/N didn’t see, that would’ve been bad. Instead, she put on a sly smile, wrapping her arms around Y/N.

“Well, I hope your first kiss wasn’t too bad.” Y/N looked from her position on Lena’s chest.

“It was great, really great.”  She smiled. “Just….why the keyboard?”

“Every future famous composer needs one, right? Rather sooner than later.”

“But….” Y/N cringed at house broke she was. “It’s fucking expensive.”

“I would’ve gotten you a baby grand, I just didn’t wanna scare you away.” Lena panicked. “I hope this didn’t scare you away.” Y/N shook her head.

“This most definitely didn’t, it did the opposite.” Y/N took a chance and stood on her toes to press a kiss to Lena’s lips again, smiling widely.  “Thank you, you can’t expect me to not say it when you spent two-thousand dollars on me.”

Lena just laughs. “Fine, I’ll let it slide. You’re worth it, sunshine.”

bonus!

It’s raining when Lena hears a knock on her door. She didn’t know it was a knock at first, it was 2am and raining cats and dogs, she couldn’t decipher much.

All she had been caring about was why her girlfriend (it feels so good for her to say that) hadn’t texted her back in a few days. Lena wasn’t clingy, no, she was protective, worried. She wanted her baby safe, and understood that sometimes she couldn’t spend her days wrapped up in Y/N. Clingy was not a word Lena associated herself with.

Y/N usually texted back relatively fast. There were moments when she was driving or cleaning or working that delayed her response by a bit. But Lena would always get a reply – whether it be a full blown text or a simple emoji to let Lena know she was alright – there was always something. It had been two days, and Lena was starting to lose her mind.

“Alright! I’m coming, Jesus!” The person banged on her door again, more frantic. Lena yanked the door open, ready to eat into whoever it was ass.

“What the fuck is your problem? Baby? Oh my god what are you doing!? Get in here!” A wide eyed Lena ushered a shivering Y/N into her house. She immediately led Y/N to her room, helping her get rid of her wet clothes.

“I’m- I’m sorry for not texting you back. There was just so much going on and my grandmother-” Y/N had choked up on her words and Lena immediately dropped her spare clothes, pulling Y/N’s body into her own. She couldn’t care less about the fact that her girlfriend was naked, all Lena cared about was the fact that she was shaking with sobs. This reminded Lena of the first time she held Y/N in her arms as she cried, she hated it then, and she hated it now. No one deserves to be this hurt, especially not her baby.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Lena said. She immediately assumed the worse when Y/N wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck, face burying deep into her shoulder as she cried even harder.

Lena felt her heart clench. Tears sprang to her eyes as she laid on her back, Y/N on top of her as she rubbed her back. Y/N’s hair was still wet, it was probably going to get matted without a proper detangling but Y/N didn’t care and neither did Lena.

“It’s gonna be alright, baby. It’s gonna be alright, I promise.” Lena shushed.

A few minutes later her cries died down. Y/N held onto Lena with a vice grip, her face still in her neck.

“I’m a good person, right?”

“Of course, the best. Why do you ask?”

Y/N lifted her head and Lena’s heart broke and she gazed into her girlfriend’s red eyes. She had never seen Y/N so….defeated, like a child who no longer had anyone to guide them, take care of them.

“Why do bad things always happen to me?” Tears fell from your eyes. “What did I ever do that warrants me to keep getting hurt like this?”

“You know what they say, baby. The world’s toughest soldiers fight the world’s toughest battles.” She frowned as she held Y/N’s face, her thumb rubbing in circles.

“Well I may not be that strong, I feel like I’m ready to break.” Y/N sighed and laid her head back down on her girlfriend. “Hell, I’m already cracking at the edges.”

“Well, it looks like I’m gonna have to be the E6000 to make sure you don’t.” Y/N chuckled. She didn’t say anything, just played with Lena’s figured and yawned a few times.

“I told my grandmother about us.” If Lena wasn’t searching for Y/N’s voice she wouldn’t have caught it, she was speaking so soft. Lena looked down at Y/N, brushing the hair from her forehead.

“Yeah?”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I wish I hadn’t though. Maybe then I’d still have a place to live.” Lena stopped, a sudden rage flooding her veins as she processed Y/N’s words.

“Y/N….” Lena began.

“Yeah she did it. She kicked me out. I couldn’t even process what she said afterwards, I was just so… shocked. My own grandmother, the same grandmother that said I was her favorite and she would love me no matter what. Just….poof.”

Lena didn’t say anything this time. Trying to calm her anger before she said something she regretted. It wasn’t about her, it was about the angel with broken wings laying on her chest. She got herself together.

“I’m sorry, baby.” She kissed Y/N’s head. “I know how hard that is.” Y/N hugged Lena closer.

“Yeah, she hasn’t even met you and she made these dumb assumptions. It was crazy.” Y/N sat up suddenly. “And she told me I could stay if we broke up.” An eye roll.

Panic settled in Lena’s body. “And what did you say?”

“I told her tough shit.” Whew. “There’s no way I’m gonna ruin the best thing in my life because she’s a shitty grandmother and can’t accept the fact that I like girls. That’s not my problem.”

Lena rubbed her hands along Y/N’s side. “I’m the best thing in your life?” She smirked and Y/N leaned in, pressing her lips to Lena’s.

“Without a doubt. You’re the only one that hasn’t left yet, and you make me happier than I ever thought I would be. I lo-” She stopped herself, Lena needed her to keep going. “Thank you.”

“What did I tell you about all those thank you’s? It’s nothing at all. And I’m never going to leave you if I have anything to say about it. As long as you want me, I’m gonna be here.” She kissed Y/N again, pressing into her girlfriend’s hips and smiling at the sigh that fell into her mouth.

“Do you think you could help me find a place?” Y/N asked as they pulled away. “I wanna be out of there in 2 weeks tops.”

Lena smiled. “I could have you in a new place by tomorrow.” Y/N rolled her eyes and laughed at her overachieving girlfriend.

“And where would that be, Ms. Luthor?” She rested her hands on Lena’s stomach.

“You’re already in it, Ms. Y/L/N.” A smile took over Y/N’s face.

“Wow, I didn’t  peg you to be a U-Haul babe.”

“Oh, shut up.” Laughter fell from Lena’s lips as she pinched Y/N’s thigh. That made Y/N laugh, her head lulling back.

“Seriously though, you’d let me move in? Are you ready for that?”

“Baby I have been ready for you to move in since I first spoke to you.” Okay maybe she was a U-Haul. “I was serious when I said my door was always open for you.”

“So you weren’t just saying that to get my number?” Y/N squinted.

“It wasn’t the motivator of my intentions, no. That was just a bonus.” Y/N giggled.

“Are we going to be living together?”

“If you want to be, my love. It’s up to you. If you’re not ready, then first thing in the morning we can go apartment hunting.” Lena sat up herself, wrapping her arms around Y/N’s middle and kissing her chest.

Y/N grabbed Lena’s face to kiss her once again. She pulled Lena as close as possible.

“I think I’m ready. ‘Honey, I’m home!’ is going to sound great coming out my mouth.” Lena smiled brighter than ever, wrapping her arms around Y/N tighter.

“I can’t wait to hear it, baby.” Lena really couldn’t. She couldn’t wait to wake up with Y/N every morning. It didn’t even have to be in the same bed, just knowing that her girlfriend, her baby, her everything was going to be within a 500 foot radius was enough. Getting to cuddle when it’s cold, eat breakfast food together at 3pm, seeing her damn beautiful face was enough. It was everything to Lena.

“I know that you hate when I say thank you but I have to.” Y/N looked into Lena’s eyes. “Everything you’ve done for me, out of nothing but genuine want and need. For being my safe place when I didn’t have one. Being my calm when I was spiraling. Being my sunshine when all I could see was darkness, it means more than you know.”

“You don’t have to s-”

“Thank you, Lena. Thank you, a latte.” Y/N started at Lena for a few seconds before she burst into a fit of giggles. “Do you get it? Because I would always get a Latte, and it sounds like a lot, but it’s latte.” Lena laughed along with her girlfriend, she’s in love with a complete dork.

“I get it, baby.” She kissed Y/N’s nose. “I love it. I love it so much but not as much as I love you.” Y/N’s eyes lit up at Lena’s words, smashing her lips onto her girlfriend’s.

Lena felt tears hit their lips. She knew they were Y/N’s, she knew they were happy tears. She could feel the sheer emotion transferring from her girlfriend to her and she knew Y/N loved her too.

Neither one of them has ever been this happy.

[queenyleeny]

BRB: Gaming

Almost forgot to write my blogs for this week because of the amount of time I’ve been spending on playing video games. Right now, I am hooked on Need For Speed; Underground, because it’s the best video game ever. Not going to lie, when I play this game, I’m more of a socializer gamer. These are the types of gamers that indulge in the social relationships online. I love going online at the same time as my friends and then joining these races, only to trash talk my friends online. That’s what makes the game so much more entertaining, being able to socialize with one another. Every time I finish a track before one of my friends do, I get up dancing and screaming about how much I am the best, and they suck. Yeah, I get very competitive and invested in being the best when I play. Being the best isn’t the only thing I am invested in, I’m also fairly invested in what is going on in the game, as well as, I tend to look for these treasures when I play video games. As an achiever, I want to go looking for these hidden gems found within the games that I play.

I feel as though I started to play video games again just so I can avoid some people. It’s harsh to say, but the other week, I was supposed to hang out with my friend (I used to see her everyday, but because of school, a lot less now). I was so tired from having a final exam that week and a midterm, that I wanted to do nothing more than stay inside and play my video games. Every time I tell her that I feel too tired to leave, she forces me to go anyways. I decided to stay in, but I had to go pick my mom up from work, and the next thing I know, I get a call from my friend (the one I was supposed to go out with in the first place), asking me why I am out when I said I was going to stay inside. You might be wondering how she even knew where I was, and that’s all thanks to Snapchat. Snapchat has a function that allows other people to view where you are, no matter where you are in the world. It tracks your location using a GPS, allowing peer to peer monitoring to be done with more ease. It’s the same with Instagram’s active button. Every time I say goodnight to my friends online, I go on Instagram and browse my feed, but what I recently found out about was, Instagram tells the user’s followers when they are active. Again, it goes into me receiving messages of people wondering why I am still awake and on Instagram when I told them goodnight. This notion of using social media as a surveillance tool has sparked many discussions about whether there should be a right to disable the tool, or if it is something that can benefit us.

I don’t just play these games, but I also take part in the participatory culture that comes along with that. All that participatory culture means is,‘ fans and other consumers are invited to actively participate in the creation and circulation of new content.( Sullivan,2013,p219). There are so many different ways that you can take part in this culture, but I will just talk about the top three trends for now. Firstly, there is the fact that technology is now something that allows us to, “ archive, annotate, appropriate, and recirculate media content.” (Sullivan,P.219)

Do it yourselves (DIY) have become very popular over the past few decades. It is all about adding this personalized touch to what you create. As a kid, I was always a fan of Halloween, and used my love for DIY’s to create new content for the occasion. I made my own spider cupcakes (regular cupcake, but with the use of icing, candy eyes, black sprinkles, and pretz that get turned into a spider cupcake). https://damndelicious.net/2013/10/22/halloween-spider-cupcakes/ - this is a recipe that I had my sisters try out this year. Try it out, and I guarantee that none of you will be disappointed. With all of this talk about being a prosumer and creating our own content, it raises awareness towards intellectual property. Who owns the content? The prosumers “Users create, store, and distribute content is designed by themselves,” (Good, 2019) or the people the website belongs to? There have been many debates online about Youtubers, and how they upload all their videos, but technically it is Youtube who owns the content. If you are a smaller Youtuber, and you post videos weekly and have a small fanbase, you are contributing to Youtube’s popularity, but you do not get money in return. You are allowed to post onto Youtube, but in return, you get to post your videos online. https://www.tiktok.com/@queenyleeny/video/6764254098037460230?u_code=d28dhiaj75me25&preview_pb=0&language=en&timestamp=1574925654&utm_campaign=client_share&app=musically&utm_medium=ios&user_id=6604495042847850501&tt_from=messenger&utm_source=messenger&enter_from=h5_m - enjoy my friend and I creating a Tik Tok to give you a visual example about how we are prosumers, and how our video belongs to Tik Tok. We live in a society that allows these same websites to track down our user-generated information.human concerns of audience studies could be forgotten in the convenient euphoria of big data.” (Athique, p.72) Whenever we go on Facebook after visiting shopping channels, or browsing online in general, you will indeed run across advertisements that are similar to the products you were just looking at. Advertisers pay money to these corporations to be allowed to use our data in order to present more targeted advertisements towards their targeted audiences. Consumers become a valuable component to gaining accurate information, in order to give you more accurate advertisementsWhen you go on Netflix and you view all these shows and movies, and you finish, it will suggest another movie/show for you to watch. This is made possible because Netflix tracks down what movies/shows we watch, in order to make their “Recommended” section precisely more accurate to the movies/shows you like to view. As mentioned before, every time you click on one of those movies/shows, you are given a percentage rating on how much of a match that movie/show is in comparison to the previous ones you viewed. If you think about it, it is scary how our information is tracked down in order to predict what our future behaviours will be like.

XOXO-QueenyLeeny