#so i cannot tell whether i'll find the time to write one or two more drabbles until next friday comes

[sisterdivinium]

Caged, she paces, first aid kit in hand growing useless with each passing second without electricity.

Beyond the glass, a woman's life drips away — for her sake.

"The lights should be back soon, Mother Superion, stay awake," she says, herself unbelieving.

It is somehow more shocking to see her fade thus than the explosive death she would have faced just minutes earlier.

No response.

"Mother Superion?!" Jillian implores, pushing against the glass.

A murmur.

"Mother Superion, please —"

"… Suzanne. My name… Is Suzanne," she breathes out.

Jillian winces at the farewell.

"Suzanne. Don't —"

The lights return; the door opens at last.

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Cod Characters General Dating Headcanons (part one)

+ Random and Some bits of Chubby Fem S/O Headcanons with mentions of different nationality S/O

+ What type of BF/GF they would be

Including John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Fem terms and pronouns like she/her are used for the reader

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

My rules for requests and characters I can write for

Please comment if you want to be added to the taglist, the next part or cod content alone.

Taglist: @marshmallowinamess

A/n: Hi lovelies! Lia here, I'm back after a nerve-wracking week of school. This is a bit short but I hope you enjoy it otherwise. God I fucking hate school. I wrote all of this in a cold room, a heat pad on me (because period cramps) and at 3am so any mistakes will be edited out as soon as I'm aware of it.

This is divided into a multiple part thing (I think 2-3?) because God knows I can't fit them all in one post because of the limited amount of gifs and photos. I'll add more to these in the future, some are longer than others because I can't think. Also because I can't write them all at once, that's a lot to write okay 😭

Disclaimers/warnings: Typical Cod things, OOC characters???, Unrealistic, Some suggestive themes and language, I'm so sorry but English is not my first language so please don't come after me. Most of the content I've seen are on TikTok and Tumblr I don't actually play the game but I love the characters so much, same with any other content I have for other video games.

Tiny sidenote: the reader in this has been describe to be shorter than the characters and has been mentioned to have a soft body rather than the muscular type.

John Price

ꕥ (OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS SMILEEE) (He's such a quokka)

ꕥ Price who literally is such a father figure, doesn't matter whether the relationship between you two is romantic or platonic. He often takes the dominant caring role.

ꕥ Doesn't smoke around you, doesn't matter if you insist he doesn't. He still won't and definitely will criticize you if you try or do smoke because he doesn't want you do end up like him.

ꕥ If there's a bit of an age gap between you, I'd say he's hesitant. Definitely afraid of what the rest of the task force thinks (He can't help it, they're basically his boys)

ꕥ John Price who wants to settle down with you, maybe have kids if you want but just a white picket fence life with you without the chaos that is war and his job.

ꕥ He only ever let's you have his hat, only when he gives it to you though. Most of the time it would be while you're out, he'd put it on your head from his. (Cowboy hat rule? I heard that in more respectful terms rather than sexual, it respectfully means that you are theirs)

ꕥ John Price who rests his chin at the top of your head no matter how much he needs to crouch down whenever hugging you from behind. Love doing it whenever you're busy doing something too. (Props for the effort because you cannot tell me he doesn't have back, neck and knee pains)

ꕥ Is constantly worried if you share the same line of work, like at first it was nothing but a tiny crush and slowly he finds himself caring about your well-being more and more over time.

ꕥ Can't help but think he's an acts of service type of guy, reaching up for things you need or better yet lifting you up so you can reach them and loves opening things for you like bottles or anything canned. (Girlies who get their nails done or wear press ons know this struggle ( I'm a press on girly)

ꕥ The kind of man who would turn on some oldies music and slow dance with you in the living room, your footsteps and breathing being the only other sounds as you smile at each other, foreheads against the other's.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

ꕥ Ghost who is such Doberman/Black cat boyfriend. Like have you seen this man? He's so tall and intimidating, one distasteful look from him and if it was physically possible that person would drop dead.

ꕥ Ghost whose a chubby chaser through and through, he just looks for something different from what he's used to.

ꕥ Is definitely a tits kinda guy, doesn't matter how big or how small they are. He'll definitely play with them in some way during doing the you know what.

ꕥ Feels like you can take him and his size better because of your plush body. Has a size kink and likes seeing it bulge a bit when he's inside you.

ꕥ You're just so soft and warm, he wants something away from what he usually feels doing his job. Not really that touchy but he gets quite clingy within closed doors.

ꕥ Likes to squeeze your thighs, his grip on them would not falter. Doesn't matter whether it's in a sexual or domestic way.

ꕥ Thinks you deserve better than what he can offer and needs constant reassurance, never says it out loud but you pick up on what he feels. (please be patient with him)

ꕥ More often than not, he thinks you're quite fragile. Even if you can protect yourself, one of his ways of showing you he loves you is through protecting you. Hence the Doberman boyfriend scenario.

ꕥ Doesn't like PDA but knows when it's necessary, him placing his arm around your shoulder is enough to keep perverts in their places. If that rando is really that bold then they'll most likely end up with a few broken bones depending on how pissed Simon is.

ꕥ If you work alongside him, he'd constantly worry about your well-being but at the same time is conflicted because he's confident that he can protect you.

ꕥ Only you and the TF141 can call him Simon, he still feels uneasy when he gets called that but when it's you saying it, it doesn't sound as daunting to him. Still dislikes in in certain tones of voice because his name reminds him of his past.

ꕥ You've seen his face, it took a long time but after that he trusted you enough to show him. The fact that you didn't find his face revolting and even kissed his scars while cupping his face was enough for him to want to marry you.

ꕥ Isn't fully insecure about his face but has his moments. (You know like the voice line where soap asks him to take off his mask and asked him if he was ugly and Ghost said "Negative")

ꕥ Takes a little while to get him to open up and little things like letting you hold him takes him a bit of time to get used to because it makes him feel vulnerable.

ꕥ God forbid something were to happen to you and he couldn't do anything to stop it, Simon would lose his fucking mind.

John "Soap" MacTavish

ꕥ Soap is a Golden Retriever boyfriend through and through. He's energetic, loyal and really affectionate.

ꕥ He's a lighthearted flirt at first because he doesn't wanna scare you off but damn does he gradually get bolder over time.

ꕥ Very hands on, touchy, and could be clingy at times unless you don't consent him, secretly always finding new ways to touch you.

ꕥ A sucker for cheek kisses, lips are his favorite but he can't help but break out a wide grin whenever you kiss his cheek. Can't help but feel kinda manly whenever you do.

ꕥ Adores making you laugh, no matter how stupid your sense of humor is he will absolutely say that joke if it gets a laugh out of you. Would be concerned if you had a dark sense of humor but will eventually get used to it. To describe it, hearing you laugh makes his heart feel full like in a content domestic way.

ꕥ Also, see the gif? You cannot tell me that he doesn't look at you that way because he absolutely would.

ꕥ Loves your weight against his body to the pint he's begging you to lay on him. You, him in the bed while he's shirtless with grey sweatpants on and you in your night clothes sharing each other's warmth with your head on his broad chest.

ꕥ Shows you silly and cute pet videos, especially the cat ones:

"[Name], look at this one!"

"Soap, we're not adopting a pet. Not right now at least"

ꕥ He was upset and gave you puppy eyes the whole time because the only time he had pet was when he was child, it was a hamster which was killed because it got sucked into the vacuum by his older sister.

ꕥ You're the only one allowed to tough his hair, he's very proud of his mohawk and will let you style it. Won't wear it out if you did something silly to it though.

ꕥ Soap who loves showing you off to everyone, loves light PDA but doesn't wanna potential put a target on your back.

ꕥ He definitely is the guy you want to take home to your family and friends (or found family <3), he's funny and easy to get along with. Very flirty with you but he'll straighten out because he's terrified on making a bad impression.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

ꕥ (HE'S SO FREAKING UNDERRATED WITHIN THIS FANDOM)

ꕥ He gives Labrador boyfriend vibes, you can't help but want to take care of him.

ꕥ Gaz who literally had to do a double take when he first saw you, he turned to Soap with that "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" look in a good way.

ꕥ Gaz who literally had to ask you out multiple times before you said yes thinking he's only doing it for a bet or a cruel joke.

ꕥ Constant reassurance from him because he doesn't want you to feel insecure about your looks because to him you are literally an angel.

ꕥ Loves to chill with you, cuddling and just relaxing. Maybe scrolling on TikTok occasionally and show you the funny ones he chuckled at.

ꕥ He has a sixth sense whenever you crave something, say you want chocolate or drink of some sort then he'd definitely being home whatever it is you we're craving without having to ask you.

ꕥ Kyle who has your Starbucks order memorized because he likes being the one to order things for you. Will playfully argue with you on who'll pay this time. (Don't even try anymore, he always wins anyway)

ꕥ Puts his hat on your head mostly when you're out, has done it the first time because it was hot out and the sun was in your eyes. He's picked it up from Price and once you smiled at him through the shade of his cap, he has not stopped doing it.

ꕥ Definitely a words of affirmation and acts of service kind of guy when it comes to love languages. Sometimes whenever he'd give you two thumbs up and a cheeky smile, you can't help but laugh a little.

ꕥ He's very thoughtful, so much so that he prides himself in knowing you better than anyone. Everytime you two go out to eat, when he gets something and know that you'll want to taste it (he knows damn well whether you'll like it or not when he tastes it) he'll bring it upon himself to order you one before you even say you want some.

ꕥ Soft snores when he sleeps, it's cute but you know damn well he's tired. Also I think he's very cuddly, like he just likes reminding himself that he's not alone and that his bed is warm because you're in it. Therefore at minimum always has an arm around you in bed.

ꕥ Dances in the rain with you and loves it when you pull him gently on his arm while your hands are intertwined. Takes note of how the the raindrops sometimes fall on your lashes while you look up at him smiling.

ꕥ Kyle Garrick who wants nothing more in the world to see you happy and smiling. His "this is the woman I'm going to marry" moment was when you baked his favorite cake for his birthday despite it being so hard, you nailed it perfectly. (Whether it's out of luck or skill is up to you)

Alejandro Vargas

ꕥ (idk how to write for this angry Mexican man but I'll try my best, love him and his megamind hairline though <3)

ꕥ Alejandro is definitely a flirt, a very bold on at that. He's quite forward when it comes to liking someone so yeah.

ꕥ He lives for it when you boss him around. That being said, he isn't picky about body type or any of the sort.

ꕥ Will teach you Spanish if you don't know any, definitely prioritizes the curse words and laughs whenever you jokingly call him pendejo.

ꕥ Wouldn't mind you teaching him your own culture and mother tongue. Bonus points if it's similar to his.

ꕥ Has Spanish nicknames for you because I imagine his own culture is important to him.

ꕥ Would hate it if you had the same line of work but will never take it out on you, it's just that it's so dangerous given the people he's involved with. (It's definitely Valeria)

ꕥ Speaking of El Sinombre, I don't think they had anything romantic going on. It's mainly platonic and the "betrayal" sucked on Alejandro's side. They definitely had some rivalry and the tension was through the roof. (Mainly because I headcanon Valeria as Lesbian)

ꕥ Can be so romantic when he tries, you can't tell me this mf ain't a smooth talker because he definitely is. Can be very blunt like in a forward way with his affection too.

ꕥ Likes kissing your wrist and feeling your pulse against his lips because it reminds him you're alive. (The amount of angst this scenario carries would be something I'm up for to write)

ꕥ Is sent on a fit of rage when something happens to you, say you got kidnapped then this man would tears off the walls of every building if he had to.

Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

ꕥ (ANOTHER UNDERATED CHARACTER)

ꕥ Another Golden Retriever boyfriend. This man is just loving and dotting, very husband material.

ꕥ Loves chubby women, has a soft spot for them and just likes holding them.

ꕥ He's definitely used to the insecurity that comes with the body, also doesn't get why such beauty standards are even in place. Has and would fuck the insecure out of you again if he had to. (It's in a very gentle and loving manner)

ꕥ If you hold him in your arms, he'd be absolutely living for it. He already has had a long day and being honest he hasn't had many lovers that went far so having you care in this way about him would have him wrapped around your finger.

ꕥ Worships the ground you walk on. That's it.

ꕥ Would take everything to heart whenever you teach him or mention something within your culture if you aren't of Spanish origins like he is. He just loves you so much that it makes him happy knowing more about you.

ꕥ Would adore slow dancing with you, brings him back to reality where he realizes that he has you and that you're there.

ꕥ Terrified that one day you'll end up leaving him so reassurance would be much appreciated by him.

ꕥ Definitely a sucker for receiving forehead kisses, as for giving he likes to kiss the back of your hand.

ꕥ If ever danger presents itself to you too closely, he would have a heart attack like full on crying but not in public though.

[tmntxthings]

Ok so, hi! I hope you're doing well! I really really like your blog and was wondering if you're still taking requests? If your not thats completely fine.

but If you are could you please please do a the rise boys with a reader who's like their little sister? i cannot for the lofe of me find very many of these, and I adore them.

Your writting is AMAZING btw! Make sure to eat food, drink water, and get some sleep! <3

Big Brothers

author’s notes: :D am i doing requests still? …yes?! it may not seem like it but I look over them all… just lacking in the motivation department rn, esp with this semester, but booyakasha we ball xD thanks for requesting <3 author's note 2.0: I wrote Raph's part in JANUARY and i finally finally finally had the will power to finish Mikey's tonight, the semester is over yayyyyyyy!! Hopefully my motivation will rejuvenate and I'll be writing way more consistently... hopefully lollll hope you enjoy~~

warnings: none to note, unedited, mayhaps a curse word ?

—————————————————————————

Raph

Where do I begin? He’s always the type to protect those around him. It doesn’t matter whether you’re just a regular citizen or someone he knows and loves, this turtle will protect all! He’s got a big heart.

Much like April you stumbled into the boys life at an early age. Yet unlike her, you were younger than the entire group. As a tot, Raph made sure you were never left behind, hiking you up on his shoulders along with Mikey.

Both of you giggling about the height and saying “look look I’m flyingggg!!” making superhero poses, just the works. Standard oldest brother material. He was still a kid too so there were some accidents, of course you fell off once or twice.

But he was quick to distract you from any boo-boo’s, swooping you back into his arms and snuggling his head close profusely apologizing for getting a little too rowdy. “Don’t cry!! Look Raph’s gotcha! All safe and sound!”

“Does it hurt bad? Let’s go get patched up by Lee hmmm? Raph bet’s he has the prettiest bandaids for you!”

If the group is playing a competitive game, like tag or hide & seek, Raph’s making sure you’re having a fun time. Not feeling left out or being picked on too much. In tag he may run a little slower so you are able to catch him, he would happily be ‘it’ a thousand times if it meant you beamed that mischievous smile. “Tag Raphie!!! Hehehe”

In hide & seek he’ll hide with you or better yet find you the best spots to hide. “Okay Raph’s going hide now too, goodluck and don’t make any noise!!”

As the group grows from tots to teens and the world isn’t as sparkly, and dangers lurk every corner Raph becomes more concerned with your safety. Though there’s not much he can do while your at school, any time you hang out with the bros other than the lab he’s always got a watchful eye.

“Ohhhhh guys look at this!!” Window shopping being one of your favorite past times as they walk the streets of NYC. Raph can’t help but call out for you to “Wait!” or “Watch out!” Something about those sidewalks cracks that always trip you up. And don’t even get Raph started on how many times you’ve bounded ahead of the group only to get lost.

“C’mere you!” Raph’s pulling you close and giving you a noogie. Definitely not caring as you screech about your hair. “What’d I tell ya about running off??” He continues messing with you until you either slip out of his grip or call out mercy. “You had me worried!” He breathed out with a stern look. “Awww Raphie I’m not little anymore!” You teased, but to him you’d always be his little sister. Just like Mikey would never escape being the little brother.

Leo

Oh my lord the trouble you two get into. Pranks? Yeah. Lots of them. The two of you are menaces together, and unlike Leo, you get off the hook with batting your sweet innocent eyelashes. “Whaaaaa Leo told me to!!” And he’d scoff, yelling out traitor as you stuck your tongue when Raph’s back was turned.

Despite always slipping away from punishment, Leo didn’t mind you throwing him under the bus. In fact he was quite impressed with your tactics. One of these days he’d catch you on video being a brat behind Raph’s back! So count your days because they were numbered.

While Leo is down for throwing caution and safety in the wind, if things get serious.. let’s say someone threatening you? Whoever’s spouting such nonsense better run for the hills. He doesn’t deal kindly with those who hurt his family. Especially his little prankster of a sister. “Run that by me again? You said what about my sister??” Fun, silly, charismatic Leo is gone! He’d have a glint in his eyes that scream ‘you’ll pay for that.’

What else?! Though he claims he’s nothing like Raph in regards to being wrapped around your pinky finger, he totally is. “Hey Lee can you portal me to school?? I don’t feel like walking!” He’d complain saying how you’re using his rad powers for such a lazy reason (even though he’s guilty of such a thing) but after he gives you an earful of complaints he’s opening up a portal.

Don’t think he won’t waltz in right after you. Much like those older siblings who love to embarrass their little siblings. Calling after you to “Have a greaaaaaaat day!! Big brother wuvs youuuuuuu!!” And it’s similar if he’s picking you up from school. He’ll portal in with a speaker and blare music, mostly Nicki Minaj.

Donnie

Those little puppy dog eyes you can pull off with Raph have no influence when it comes to Donnie, he has footage of your two-faced nature, having big crocodile tears at one moment and an evil grin at the next, unlike Leo who has never been able to successfully capture you in the act, Donnie has and he lords it over you as blackmail for most things, like a big brother usually does

He only brings it out when absolutely necessary, mainly whenever the two of you are in a back and forth banter that has gone too far, "Oh yeah? I seem to recall a certain purple turtle reading some very interesting fanfiction with Atomic Lass last night!" You puff up satisfied when Donnie gasps at such a true accusation, the utter betrayal! "C'mon guys don't start fighting" Raph will speak up as Donnie whips out his phone going for his passcoded camera roll.

"Oh Raphala I have something to show you!" Donnie will sing as he turns the phone over to reveal the beginning of a video of you and its one that has you immediately screeching. Jumping up from your spot to run and try and tackle Donnie to the floor, but he expects this as his battleshell takes off into the air, putting himself and his phone out of reach. "Turn it off!!! Stop it Dee!!! I never said what exactly you were reading!!" You plead as he swoops and dodges the pillows and really anything you can get your hands on to throw.

So yes, he has the dirt that you would hate Leo to get his hands on so Donnie and you have a bit of an understanding of one another. Other than that though you can find solace in his lab anytime. He doesn't mind your entry because unlike his brothers you don't start touching or breaking things. You treat his inventions carefully and he has fun explaining to you their potentials.

As tots Donnie was definitely quizzing and spitting out random facts to your malleable brain, a lot of it ended up sticking so you understood him to some degree on an academic level, but most of all he had prepared you for school to which you were forever grateful

Now you may not say so in words but with each passing grade you would go down to the lair and find Donnie specifically to show off your assignments, beaming proudly as he would smile and singing his praises about how well he had taught you. He realized that maybe he had taught you too well since you were a master manipulator when it came to tear ducts but he couldn't help but smile at that, proud to have another evil genius in their midst

Mikey

He knew what it was like to be treated like a baby despite being only a few years younger, so it came as no surprise that he would agree with you whenever you wanted to do something adventurous, something on your own, "Guys, she's old enough to go out to the movies with her friends!" Even if he sort of knew your crush would be going as well, Mikey was not going to be the brother to hold you back from falling in love!

Now heaven forbid that little heart of yours gets stomped on. The person who did so will obviously be on some sort of shit-list by all the turtles, but I think Mikey would be the one who has to be watched out for the most, he destroys people who hurts what he loves, that pizza place episode with the rock band is a prime example! He'll turn savage, lunging for violence, striking to enact karma on those who deserve it the most

Of course he will be the best brother to go to if you want to have some deep emotional talks, Dr. Feelings to the rescue, and though it hurts him to know you've been stabbed in the heart, he will be there through the whole break-up process! Cry session with tubs of ice cream or whatever sweets you desire, Mikey's a great cook so baking isn't that hard for him. He will listen to all the rants and raging that you need to get off your chest, adding in quips when necessary. Then when its time to detox fully, delete pictures, unfollow on all social medias, block their number, get rid of the gifts and physical reminders, he's there with a box, repeating how strong you are and that you don't need them nor these things!

Unlike Leo, if you and Mikey wanted something, a pair of puppy-dog eyes was better than one, even Donnie could not hold out for long if the begging was done by both of you at once, "Donnie c'mon pleaseeee set up the switch! We wanna play Mario Party!" "I thought we were gonna be playing Minecraft-" "You guys its easy you don't need me to set it up." "PLEASEEEEE"

And no doubt Mikey is whipping up your favorites in the kitchen. He loves to hear your heartfelt "thank yous!!!" and "Angieeee it's so tasty! 10 out of 10!!" You know exactly how to curry his favor when you go topside and grab him new ingredients to use. That and shooting compliment after compliment his way. Sometimes he will trust you to stir or cut up veggies when he has too many things going on at once in the kitchen. The vibes are immaculate when you get the aux cord to the speaker in the kitchen, the both of you singing out all kinds of music and going into little dance breaks when a song is just too good to not groove to!

[linskywords]

OH MY GOD MS. LINSKY HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!! Absolutely loving Kiss Your Boyfriend so far. Can I ask how do you maintain such a high level of productivity with your writing? Your output is incredible! If you feel like sharing how much time you spend writing per day / how many words you average per day that would be really interesting, plus how you find the time / inspiration to write so much? Thanks.

This is so kind, thank you!! This answer got super long and somewhat off-topic, so I'm putting it below a cut.

I am incredibly lucky in my writing time, especially for someone with a small baby. A bunch of years ago I talked my office into letting me go half-time so that I'd have more time to write -- at the time I was thinking specifically of novels, which I have written several of (though not with a level of quality that I'm happy with). Since having a baby last year, I've pretty much only been interested in writing fanfiction; hence the output you've seen. You can pretty much track how much novel-writing I've been doing by looking at my ao3 stats page and seeing how high the wordcount is for a given year. if it's low, there's probably a novel draft or two to blame.

This is a digression, but one that I'm going to include because it's inextricably tied up for me with thoughts about my writing time: having a baby has made me feel much more conflicted about my schedule. We have her in full-time daycare -- partly because it's pretty hard to find anything else around here and it's not nearly as much of a discount to go part-time as you feel like it should be, but also because it's always been understood, between my husband and me, that my writing time is something to be protected at most (not all) costs. I cannot overstate how glad I am for this. That writing time has been absolutely sanity-preserving for me in the first year of motherhood. Baby sleep-and-wake times have pretty much eaten my evenings and weekends, but I still have Thursdays and Fridays and the occasional Wednesday where the only work I have to do is write. It's an unbelievable luxury, and one that's let me feel like I'm still a person and not just a mother. And it's one that I still feel guilty about, even while feeling grateful.

Part of the reason I feel guilty and not just grateful is that over the past year I've been wrestling with my relationship with original fiction. When you're working towards becoming a novelist, you can feel like, okay, it's lucky that I can support myself on half a week's salary, and also it's morally okay because I'm working on acquiring this other Real Job! A Novelist! That's a real thing that pays the bills! (Ha. If only it did, cry a million novelists as I type this.) Capitalism is a scam but it's also a real force that operates on our lives and our psyches. That half a week that I'm not working is half a week when my husband is doing something to further our family's survival and I am not. It's half a week when I could be spending full days taking care of my baby, as certain segments of society would tell you is the greatest thing a woman or person can do, regardless of whether or not they enjoy that type of work (I do not). It would feel more justifiable to me if I were using that time to become A Real Artist -- by which I of course mean one who gets paid. But that part of it really is a scam: fanfiction isn't less of an art just because I don't get paid for it. It's just an art that people can't make a living at, and I'm unbelievably lucky that I don't have to.

I don't know if I'll find myself motivated to return to novel-writing anytime soon. There are parts of me that want the challenge of creating something more structurally complex, that love inventing something entirely new, and those parts are worth listening to, unlike the parts of me that feel like an inadequate imposter because I'm not published. So: maybe. But the publishing industry is its own nightmare, and it's hard to want to dive into it when I currently have so much creative freedom and a place to share my work that doesn't rely on the professional gatekeepers. We also don't currently need the income I might make as a novelist -- which is good, because my understanding is that the idea of making even minimum wage as a novelist is laughable, and I'd do much better going full-time at my job and only writing during weekend baby naps.

So those are the current, very fortunate circumstances of my writing life. Hopefully they will make you feel better if you're someone who works full-time or has other full-time responsibilities or just otherwise can't spend the equivalent of two full working days each week writing, and you're looking at how much I've posted so far this year and thinking that you should have been able to write just as much. Maybe you can, if you're able to find that kind of time in your own life and want to spend it writing, but maybe you can't or maybe you just don't want to and I hope it helps to know I haven't been dashing these stories off during my lunch break or something.

As for speed, I am a relatively fast writer, I think, though not exceptionally so. I usually aim for about 1K an hour when working on a rough draft. If I know a lot about where I want a story to go, it can be faster than that, but I can't sustain that for too many hours in a row. There have been days in recent history when I knew what I wanted to happen and I wrote 9-10K in a day, and I always feel like my brain has been scoured out afterwards and then I'm not usually very productive for a couple days afterward. So probably a more sustainable pace for me is 5-6K of new words per writing day, and then sometimes I'll realize I've taken the wrong approach and have to scrap a bunch of words and go back, and other times it'll have been a while since I last looked at a story so I'll have to go to the beginning and catch myself up, which involves a lot of rewriting also. And then there are days that are supposed to be writing days but something won't click, or I'm sick because I have a daughter in daycare and that means all the germs. So my output is super variable.

I will say, though, that one of the most profound impacts fanfiction has had on my life is that I WANT to sit down and write now. When I first decided I was serious about writing I had a few months off between jobs and decided to use them to write a novel that had been living in my head for a few years at that point. Getting myself to sit down and work on it was like herding slugs. It was an agony of procrastination. At one point I think I watched the entirety of The West Wing between one writing session and the next. I wanted to write, or at least I wanted to want to write, and it made me miserable that I wasn't and yet I still didn't. Writing is really, really hard, and almost anything feels easier in the moment!

But fanfiction has never felt like that to me. It's challenging in plenty of ways, and it's still a lot of work to create a story, but for me it's also a joy. It makes me think of how I used to play dolls when I was a kid, coming up with stories for them to act out. And they didn't have to be the world's most complex stories, with multiple interlocking plots and no words wasted, the way I feel like a novel has to be (I'm probably slightly wrong about this, but only slightly). Writing fic has taken away the barrier I used to face when sitting down to write, where it felt like I needed to hurdle a small building to even start putting words on the page. And the amazing thing is that that ease of starting has transferred to original writing as well. My body and mind have a habit of sitting down at the computer and having fun with words, and I can tap into that even when what I'm writing isn't fic.

And I really do love it. There is nothing in the world as satisfying to me as writing. I'm a little bit of a control freak, and writing is something where I can make things happen exactly the way I think they should. Sitting down, playing out the characters' emotions, figuring out how to make it feel real and compelling, guiding them towards the story I want them to have...there is literally nothing I am better suited for or enjoy more.

As for inspiration...well, in addition to the above, I just really, really want these stories to exist. There is something absolutely irresistible to me in getting characters together, especially if being together means having something that they desperately need but can't admit that they want. The most alluring story premises to me are the ones where there's An Obstacle, a thing that seems like it will bar these two (or three, or four) being together in a real way -- a dam behind which tension can build up, more and more over the course of the story, until the obstacle finally gives way and we have all that lovely tension release. And then the poor deprived main character who didn't think he was even allowed to want what he wanted can finally have it. One of the reasons I DON'T enjoy writing original fiction as much is that genre conventions tend to demand that other things happen in addition to that delicious tension buildup and release. Why dilute it when you could just write the pure thing??

So that's the long answer about my writing circumstances and motivations. I hope you found it interesting, anon -- or at least that you continue enjoying the effects! I have such a voracious appetite to write these stories right now; as long as I keep having the time, I don't see that changing anytime soon.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

I Feel You Linger in the Air - final thoughts

I know, I know! I'm late to this one. But I knew I had to wait for it to finish to make sure I wouldn't get my heart entirely ripped out, and then it was just really hard to find the time. I couldn't binge it either, I had to pace myself emotionally.

But damn. What an incredible fucking show. And I don't just mean for a BL, but just for a series in general. Everything was so well done. The music, the cinematography, the writing, the acting, all of it.

While I was watching I kept being reminded of a good Austen adaptation. Probably mostly because of all the longing looks. Khun Yai could absolutely give Mr. Darcy a run for his money.

But there's also something about a historical framework, where there is so much that cannot be outright stated. Where there's "propriety", and the (usually BS) moral standards of the time. Where the line between classes and genders is such a sharp one.

The social commentary was so strong - showing the heavy burden of living within traditional beliefs, and the damage that they caused to those that are oppressed. I loved Fong Kaew, and her brilliant strategical thinking in how to play Robert and court allies for his downfall. Euangphueng and Fong Kaew both hurting each other in their attempts to survive, but always understanding who the real enemy was, and keeping compassion for one another. Even Yai's mother, finally having enough of passively following her husband as he hurts their children over and over again, telling him to essentially fuck off as she downs the good booze. Characters like James & Niew risking themselves and joining their queer allies to help take down the oppressive hypocrites abusing their power. So damn good.

And I really love how much the series showed that change is not a big massive shift in one moment, but rather a drop in the pond, that causes ripples to ebb and flow over the water. And that for each person who took one moment to help someone else, or speak up to power, or defy an unjust expectation, new ripples would form, and reach new places. Sometimes meeting up to create an entire wave.

Of course, IFYLITA is at its core a romance, and wow, what a romance. I was in literal physical pain during the finale, and I'm still not fully recovered, even with the happy ending. Bright & Nonkul gave incredible performances and I believed every single moment between them. I'm not always a fan of "you're the only one I'll ever love" stories, because life is so much more complex than that, but it was impossible not to get swept up in the emotions here. And the writing all served the story, every moment between them had such purpose.

I only have a couple of little...wishes, let's call them, because I can't even say they're complaints. I wish we had seen a little more interaction between Yai & Euangphueng, as two siblings navigating their queerness and inability to love openly. Yai didn't even seem to be aware that Euangphueng was being confined by Robert, which seemed odd.

My other wish is that we got a bit more time with modern Yai & Jom. They spent so much time making us twist in the angst of the separation, and then we got about thirty seconds of healing. I could have used just a few moments more of basking in the reunion.

I don't know how likely a season 2 is at this point, but damn do I want to see Jom pursue Commander Yai.

But whether we get it or not, I am so grateful to have experienced this show.

[pluralprompts]

I am not a system, but I have many friends who are and have researched specifically DID due to having those friends. I'm curious your opinion on me writing these prompts - as I don't intend to invade a space intentionally made to provide positive content to communities that I'm not a part of.

Firstly, you can do whatever you want forever, so jot that down –

Okay, okay. On a serious note, I think it's fine. Some disagree with me, especially when it comes to DID, but I don't think someone has to be a system, have any specific disorder, or be of/have any particular identity to write about these sorts of things. I am much less concerned with the identity of the author than I am how the character of a particular identity is written. That is to say, I am interested more in variety of plural and system representation, especially when it comes to positive or optimistic views on our lives*, than I am worried about whether the one(s) writing that representation are plural or a system, too. I care more about if the author is making a well-intentioned effort than if the author personally knows they're a system and openly identifies as one.

* I am comparing, of course, to the two main portrayals of systems in fiction: that we are evil (serial killer trope), or that we need to be fixed (fusion treated as the inevitable, and only, way for us to recover and live happy lives). There are ways to approach these tropes that avoid simply perpetuating stereotypes or disableism, and I would hate for anyone who relates to either to be told they cannot read or write about experiences similar to their own, so I am not saying these should never be written – but at the same time, with these being so prevalent, and so often without nuance, I am naturally more interested in fresh takes that show more pleasant sides of plurality, or at the very least more relatable struggles, than just more of the same.

With this in mind, I don't see singlet writers of plurality as an enemy. Rather, I see any inclusion of plurality in creative writing – from a simple OC kept to oneself, to a poem shared with a writers' group, to a bestselling series – to be normalizing plurality, introducing the concept to some and serving as a reminder of its existence to others. I'm someone who finds representation to be very important to progress, and thus I consider anyone who offers respectful** representation to be an active ally to plurals and systems. I would rather have a singlet writer make some mistakes while creating representation because they don't have personal experience with the subject than have less representation overall; if you're willing to write a character as a system, I'll be glad to see more representation out there.

** When I say "respectful", I don't mean it has to be sanitized or perfect. I just mean that it's done with research, and avoids relying on stereotypes, treating us like a horror trope or, again, like we inherently need to be "fixed" by final fusion – by becoming as singlet-like as possible. Again, looking for good intentions, here.

Besides, people who are presumably singlets will keep accidentally writing systems anyway, regardless of what I think. Seriously, do you know how often I keep coming across this? Sometimes I just sit and wonder how many of these authors are plural, and how many of them know it. Especially considering how often writers describe their characters as "acting on their own".

And on a similar note, I don't want anyone to feel pressured to out themselves as a system in order to write about plurality (especially considering writing about it can be part of someone's questioning journey). I've seen how that's gone down in places like the queer community (*cough* harassing authors into coming out even when it may not be safe for them to do so *cough cough*) and am not interested in repeating it here. You do not have to tell anyone if you are a system – and you do not have to tell anyone if you are a singlet. You have a right to privacy about your identity and what goes on in your life, no matter the subject matter you write about.

In the end, these prompts are for anyone who wishes to write about plurality. Or even wishes to write in general – I'm well aware that many of these prompts would work for settings in which everyone is a singlet! If you want to write them, you're welcome to. If you mess up, that's okay. It's pretty difficult for even systems to write about what it's like being us, sometimes – you won't be alone in that just because you're a singlet.

(On that note, there are plenty out there who would be happy to give more specific advice if there's any particular details or story beats you want feedback on! Cannot recommend @writing-plurals enough for this.)

Thank you for the ask and for your interest in writing about plurality. I wish you luck in whatever it is you're looking to write!!

TL;DR: it's fine lol don't even worry about it, just try to avoid stereotypes and negative tropes about us, and maybe ask around for a plural beta reader or sensitivity checker if you're worried.

[youcouldmakealife]

Do you ever mix up names? I love your stories, but I am shit at names and as your pantheon/league grows I find myself increasingly turned around by all the north american dude names (first, last, AND hockey nicknames!!!). I can usually keep track of the on-going series names and names that are less common in North America (Kiro, Sven), but if I'm reading, say, an ask or rereading I usually have remind myself who is who first.

I don't mix them up between themselves and other characters in either a similar name way (James vs Jake, say) or roles (mixing up say, Wheels and Craney and Matty).

(This got so long and off topic, why does this always happen)

What I do mix up is sort of more of a...muscle memory thing, maybe? I'm writing the word, say, gorgeous, and I have to delete georgieous first, because my fingers apparently have become a phone's autocorrect function. I actually did write James as Jake a few times when I was deep deep in editing BTT, but again, it was just sort of like...an autofill error between my brain and my fingers.

The names themselves I'm pretty good with, though I do worry about whether I'll continue to be as a) the pantheon continues to expand (I love this by the way, and now I'm probably going to spend the rest of my evening mentally assigning characters places in the pantheon) and b) I get older. And both things seem pretty inevitable to me.

Unfortunately, the two things I appear to have in common with Leo Tolstoy are brevity and 'these people have three names, and I'm going to use them all interchangeably'. (ie Vinny is Thomas to himself, but Vinny to literally everybody else including me. And sometimes Tommy but only to Anton and his parents and only sometimes. Anton's alternately Anton, Petrov, Tony to Vinny and teammates, or Antosha to his family.)

I'd honestly apologise for it but it's one of those things that's really inextricable from the sort of...falling into a perspective way that I write, the same way I write in American English for American characters and Canadian English for Canadians, or use Christian (and specifically Catholic) references in Robbie or Georgie's POVs but never, say, Mike's or David's, unless we count Mike's very liberal usage of the word goddamn (and it's lowercase with him, but it'd be Goddamn to Robbie.)

And the different vocabularies extends to names. Like William Dineen is William to Robbie, he specifically asked to be called that when he was a teenager who wanted to feel more adult, and Robbie respected that then and continues to now. Georgie respected it in another way -- he was Willy to him, and now he uses Will, which William is fine with, but only with immediate family.

But in the text itself Georgie would never use William, because it'd feel distant to him, and Robbie would never use Will because he'd consider that disrespectful after William specifically requested to be call that, and me choosing one or the other wouldn't be in character, so he's Will and he's William, but never Willy (that's Tate Williams).

I make this all sound like a much more conscious process than it is. A lot of this stuff I've only figured out via metacognition of my writing process, which is, by necessity, done in hindsight.

My original answer to questions like 'why did you do _____ that way?' is invariably '*shrug* felt right', and people tend to find that...unsatisfying, so I often investigate further, and the answer becomes 'felt right because of <this reason I was in no way consciously aware of during the writing process>'. As I've said to my poor beleaguered editor, a lot of my writing process is 'just vibes'. I follow good vibes. Bad vibes tell me something's not working, and I adjust accordingly. I think a lot (I cannot tell you how many times I've been accused of overthinking things), but when it comes to writing, most of it's happening beyond my own perception, so instead it feels more like gut instinct. (which is, indeed, what gut instinct often boils down to: pattern recognition going on beneath one's conscious awareness)

[hidden-poet]

Okay, so I know you said you see 'To have and to hold' as finished, but I would by lying if I said I wasn't dying for more. 😭❤️

More than anything I'd love to see how the main character gradually warmed up to Billy. I mean, by the end of the story she does say that they have two sons (and clearly another baby on the way).

Would you ever consider writing a continuation? I'm especially curious to see them during the pregnancy stage of their firstborn son.

Like how did they find out that they were expecting? I'd be so funny if Billy connected the dots before the main character or at least starts to suspect that she might be pregnant. Like, maybe he'll notice that she has the exact same food cravings his own mother (Catherine) had when she was carrying his younger brother (Joseph). But he's not telling her right away of his suspicions because he doesn't want to jinx it. And the main character cannot for the life of her understand why for the past couple of days Billy is acting so strange around her. 🤣

Now comes another question: what would the Bonney women crave during their pregnancy? 🤔

Or maybe still during the pregnancy stage the main character is still pretty distant with Billy. But then one day she wakes up in the middle of the night to Billy talking to her stomach (where their child is) because he wants the baby to recognize his voice? 🥹

Okay, I'll stop now because I'm getting ahead of myself. If you didn't guess already someone's period might be starting soon, hence the baby/pregnancy content fever. 🤣

But regardless whether this was only a one-shot or not, I can say with full confidence: this Billy the Kid fic is going to my favorites.

You did such an amazing job! And you didn't watch the series? Girl... I'm in awe.👏

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time out to write this ask! I LOVE them.

Honestly I love this idea of him figuring out she is pregnant before she does! He would be so protective. I feel like he would be really worried about the cold and insist that she stay by the fire or wear 100 layers.

I would love to write more of him but I have a heap of Coriolanus to do before I go back to full time work.

I am so glad you liked it 😭 thank you for reading ❤️

[fatuismooches]

hiii lovely!!

I am absolutely in love with your fragile! reader content, especially dottore and fragile reader it's just so hhdnsjsfhs anyways I noticed on the fragile reader but they died post that the reader is mentioned to have only met dottore after he became a harbinger so it made me wonder whether dottore would have a slightly different reaction to akademiya! reader, how the letter would be etc like imagine reader talking abt the akademiya days and whatnot </3

anw!! I just wanted to say I adore ur works and they hit home cus I'm rather sickly lol

mwah mwah byeee

- 🌕

Yea, when I wrote that I didn't think of how good a fragile Akademiya reader would be unfortunately, but I wish I did cuz it would have been so much better-😭 AND YES HE DEFINITELY WOULD ILL WRITE A LIL SOMETHING HERE

To Zandik,

As I write this, it is late at night. One of your clones put me to bed a while ago, yet for some reason, I cannot sleep. I keep tossing and turning and so I decided to do something to occupy my mind. It has been rather restless lately, I admit. I... don't know how to tell you this in person, so I'll just write down whatever comes to mind right now. You'll probably end up finding this eventually, so I might as well just let everything out.

I have been thinking a lot about the past lately. Our Akademiya days, to be specific. I have secretly been wishing to go back to those days, even if just for a bit. To go back to the first moment I met you. (How handsome you were.) To go back to those painful study sessions. To go back to those picnics under the stars. To go back to the time I was not sick, and I could spend life with you to the fullest.

Really, those were some of the best moments of my life. I have been thinking about this because... I have not been feeling well lately. I mean, I don't feel well most of the time but nowadays I feel as though the illness is creeping more and more in me. It might just be a temporary thing, I don't really know. I know you are working as best you can, I know you better than anyone. So... don't blame yourself.

Hah, it's too bad. Admittedly I have also found myself daydreaming about the future, although it seems rather dim. I want to see a lot of the world. Did you know that? Well, I should correct myself. I want to follow you wherever you go and see the world that way. You've gone to Sumeru recently, yes? I know you've told me about how much it's changed, but I hope to see it myself one day. And I want to befriend some of your Harbingers friends. What is their opinion of me, by the way? Ah, and I want to take on that Traveler, too. They seem rather pesky.

Well, if I do get better, I will burn this letter and apologize to you with everything I have. But for now, I'll stash it somewhere just in case. And I'll say this now - I love you, Zandik. I love you so much that if I were to be away from you for too long I'd go mad. This love has burned inside of me since the Akademiya, and it still rages within me. I hope you know that.

Dottore would be much more affected although he doesn't really show it. Hell, even the clones are affected, from how they linger by your door a second too long, remembering that there is no you any more to wake up. He puts a mask on his emotions to pretty much everyone. You have been a familiar face for countless years of his life. In the Akademiya, after pulling another all-nighter, the first thing he'd be greeted with was your sleepy embrace around him. He'd roll his eyes at your nagging, and the two of you would get ready for classes. During his expulsion and exile, even though you were ill, you still stuck by his side. And even during the Fatui, you still sent him that tired but lovely smile. Every day, without fail, you could be seen with him at least for a bit. Yet he failed. For the first time in a long time, he failed.

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

JNVEFOHBEFVQRUHBQVFUHBQCVGIU2FHBU3RGNJI3VRJNI3QRVFIJN2CRBOH2HBOV3RJN 3RV I JUST READ UR FALLOUT FIC!!! OMGOMGOMGOMG I LOVED IT!! PLS TALK TO ME MORE ABOUT FOUND FAMILY WITH THEM BC I WROTE MY OWN FIC, AND IM GONNA BE WRITING MORE ABOUT THEM AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THEM!! sorry its in all caps, im really excited

NEVER apologize for all caps and excitement!!!! in this house we lose our minds over found family dynamics TOGETHER and we are NOT calm about it lmao

under the read more because spoilers and also i got long winded (shocker)

ugh but literally. i need to do a rewatch because fallout is definitely one of those "watch once to get your brain blasted, watch a second time to catch all the little hints you missed the first time around" kind of shows, and also i just. NEED to watch this again with the full knowledge that cooper's been hunting down his family this whole time. yeah we knew cooper was a dad from the beginning but for us, at first, the logical assumption is that his wife and daughter must be long gone by now! it's been 219 years! it's not until the last episode or two that we start realizing that a lot of people from Before are still kicking around, and that cooper KNOWS that, and that the one thing keeping him going for longer than anyone else is the fact that he wants to see his wife and daughter again. the angst potential of this has me foaming at the mouth, by the way, and that's without even considering lucy yet

like, what's his plan? find janey and barb and... pick up where they left off? maybe two centuries of nuclear fallout will patch up his relationship with his ex-wife? how does he even know they weren't both unfrozen and lived their whole lives without him and died already? (i'll argue that he has not even considered that possibility, and will not, because that'll break him.) and say he does find them, and they're alive. maybe they haven't even been unfrozen yet and he can be the one to wake them up. ideal scenario, right? but will they even recognize him anymore? not just by his physical appearance, either! he is not the same person he was before the bombs fell, not by a longshot! janey's dad wasn't a ruthless mercenary bounty hunter who does what he has to do to survive and makes jerky out of human meat and sells random women to organ harvesters to get drugs! he was a guy who loved his dog and loved his family and who was so morally upright that he didn't even want to fake shoot a guy in a movie, because he believes that's not who his character is. and don't even get me STARTED on the fact that The Ghoul is a character to begin with, it's an act, because he's an actor who fell into this role because i guess it was easiest to survive that way, which means that at heart The Ghoul is also not someone who should be shooting guys. the kindheartedness is there under about 219 years of irradiated, decaying skin. but it's there

and then we get lucy, who's very deliberately written as his echo, a kindhearted morally upright person who doesn't want to let the wasteland change her, and i'll bet MONEY that as the series progresses cooper's gonna have to watch as it really doesn't change her. sure, she'll bite a guy's finger off in self defense, and yeah, she'll mercy kill a ghoul that's way past saving. but through it all she's going to try so hard to do the right thing, every single time, and i'm TELLING you, it's not so much that cooper's gonna get dragged back kicking and screaming into being a good person again, but it's more like he's gonna just start being better. it'll be kickstarted by lucy's influence and the fact that he cannot suppress the dad instincts to save his life, but the reason it'll really stick is because that's his natural setting! whether he wants to admit it or not!

anyway. uh. i ranted about this more than i meant to LOL but please always feel free to shout at me about grumpy morally gray old men allowing fatherhood to gently tug them closer and closer to the neutral good square on a dnd alignment chart. gets me every time

[yourlocalartsonist]

Heya! I wanted to ask about your fic, "Moths Fly In Packs", that I wanted to know for a while. Forgive me if it was answered or not:

What was your main inspiration for the actual story? Was it just a Rise AU? Did you automatically create Salena for this story? I wanna know the origins of story and what got you writing the first chapter!

Heyyyyy bestie how's it goinnnnn~

Aight so this is actually one of my favorite things to talk about cuz my ass cannot shut up about this fic but it was quite a few things that got mushed together to create the fic

First off, it was originally gonna be a comic! I just got heavily back into Rise after watching the movie in January 2023 and yk the show was cancelled for a while now. I really missed the show and already read through like every headcanon, x reader, and whatever the fuck I could find at the time so to satiate myself, I decided to make a story of my own! That was kinda already the drill for me anyway; if there's a piece of media I adore that never got the love it deserved, I continue the story myself

It was gonna be a comic focused with the boys as the main characters just like the show and would be seen as a continuation. I wasn't planning on releasing it any time soon since ya know... comic but Salena was indeed still gonna be in the story. She was just gonna be a more minor character? Not background, more like on the same level as April or Splintz; pops up often but not always

And then I realized that was a stupid fucking idea cuz no way in hell I would ever survive the torture of making comics :D I don't even enjoy making em for the most part so yk-

I had a different idea on the side. I was thinking it'd be interesting to have a separate fic version of the story but told from Salena's perspective so the audience would understand her more. But then as I kept developing the story, I realized this was the more interesting version anyway! I had a shit ton of ideas and a lot of topics I could critique and commentate on. It was genuinely fucking interesting the more I looked at it, even tho I was hella nervous no one would care for my random ass OC enough to accept them as the main character over the boys-

On a more personal note, I was going through a lot of shit prior to rejoining Rise which made my senior year of high school get a very depressing start. But in a way, watching the movie and the show saved me. Not even exaggerating, this show's done a lot for me than I'll ever be able to express. When I thought about making the fic and settled on it being the story I tell, I wanted to express all my feelings and hardships I've been through. I wanted to explore them through Salena and externalize a lot of the messages I learned and Rise felt like the perfect outlet for that; the characters just genuinely fit

That's the real reason why I had the first chapter out in like a month or two. I wasn't even sure whether to post it, it was entirely an impulse move. But I don't regret it one bit

I really do hope this story find the people I want it to. People who felt just as alone as I did, I want them to know they aren't. There are people out there who understand, who've been through the same, and who've survived and gone onto thriving. I wanted Salena to feel relatable to them since she's quite literally the first character I've made who's truly based off of myself

On the flip side, I also hope it'll reach people who have no idea what I'm talking about and haven't ever experienced what Salena has. I want this story to be an opportunity for them to step into someone else's shoes and learn how to empathize. That was why I loved books as a kid; they helped me learn to empathize. So maybe, my story can do the same. Help people to empathize with folks like Salena who are struggle and have no idea how to say so

Sorry for the long ass ramble. I genuinely do believe the origins of this fic is extremely interesting so I really love talking about it ;w;

Cheers to Chapter 9 finally being out!

[breninarthur]

happy dadwc friday! sending you “letters between two of your OC’s companions about them” for Kallian 👀

hi, thank you!! ^^ @dadrunkwriting

rated t. 517 words. alistair writes to zevran before he and kallian set off to tevinter. this is... some vague idea i have for the future, and it becomes less dysfunctional, i swear 😂

◌ ◌ ◌

Zevran,

It was surprisingly difficult to find some vellum and ink without somebody insisting on scribing for me, so even though I'm sure you'll be annoyed this isn't in some hard-to-crack code... appreciate that I'm being as sneaky as I can be.

Kallian is on her way to meet with you. I pray that Isabela reaches you with this letter before then. I also pray that she doesn't read this herself, and would like to remind her that I am in contact with her friend the Champion, who would... be disappointed, I'm sure. I suppose I can't think of a good threat, but Isabela, I will pay you if you stop reading right now.

Look after her. Kallian. Not in a fight, Maker knows it'll be the other way around there. But all this sneaking and spying and hiding you're going to do... you're the expert. So I'll be holding you accountable for anything that goes wrong, and praying that I won't need to. Just... get her out of there, will you? And be careful yourself. Tevinter isn't kind to elves, and I think Ferelden would resent me going to war.

I've thought a lot about whether I should be writing this letter. I think she might actually murder me if she knew. But I'm not entirely going behind her back? I floated the idea past her. She... I don't know, she's too focused on me. She thinks I don't mean it, but I do.

You know what, just show her this letter when the time arrives. Kall, please don't hate me.

This is all over the place.

Right. Here goes.

Right now.

I am running out of space.

Maybe I want to.

Anyway.

I truly hate to tell you this, but I trust you'll do right by her, if not me.

We cannot spend as much time together as we wish to, not now, not yet. Each time she visits the Palace feels more and more fleeting, and I fear it is my fault. It's... difficult to fit everything in. Weeks worth of a relationship; months; a year; all in one day, or a week if we're incredibly lucky. It's hard.

You two have always been close. There was a time, back then, when I thought she would choose you. When she didn't... forgive me, Zev, but I always knew that hurt you. The way you looked at her never changed. The way she looked at you did change... but I don't know. She still looks at other people differently.

Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. That certainly wouldn't be anything new.

All I wanted to say was... you have my blessing. When I see her again, we won't speak of it. If you're there too, well... let's cross that bridge when we come to it.

Kallian, I love you. Sorry if this made things awkward between you. Just imagine how awkward it would be if I was there too! Ha ha!

Take care of each other. I want to see no new scars when you return, on either of you.

With love,

Alistair

[helloalycia]

green-eyed monster [one] // alicia clark

summary: you're living at the stadium and have befriended Alicia, but that friendship gets rocky when a new girl joins and Alicia doesn't trust her.

warning/s: mentions of loss

author's note: it's been so long since i last shared anything i wrote and for that i apologise! happy new year firstly, legit cannot believe it's 2023. I've been working on a bunch of different stuff and never seem to finish any of it, hence why this is the first thing i'm sharing for a few months – i just happened to finally finish it!

for anybody who cares, i'm working on a several part lexa imagine (or short story depending on how long it ends up lol what can i say, i miss her), and i've almost finished writing my first lesbian fiction story which is exciting! i cannot wait to share more details on that with you closer to the time, but for now, thanks for being patient with me and i hope you enjoy part 1 of 2 to this alicia imagine because i miss her :))

part two / masterlist / wattpad

"You know how to ruin a girl's self esteem, you know that?"

"Oh, shut up. Stop being dramatic." Alicia rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh.

"What? Maybe I wanted to–"

"Start walking around the stadium with a safari hat on your head? Yeah, I'm sure you did."

I gave her a knowing look, doing all I could not to let my smile take over. "You know it looks good."

She held my stare, as if to make me see sense, but all it did was finally make her laugh. It was a good feeling, I won't lie, hearing her laughter and watching the twinkle in her eyes when she did.

"Don't worry, I won't embarrass you by wearing it," I assured her with an amused smile, removing the hat from my head. "But I know you secretly love it."

She grinned. "You're so annoying, d'you know that?"

I shrugged carelessly, smiling nonetheless. Hanging out with Alicia was always my favourite thing, even if it meant frustrating her to no end (AKA my favourite hobby). Ever since her and her family invited me to stay with them at their settlement – an old baseball stadium – I felt like me again. I'd been convinced I would spend the rest of my life struggling to find food and running from infected forever, but they changed that.

It was easy to befriend Alicia since she was around my age, one of the only ones here who was. But that was a few months ago, back when they were starting this place up. Now, it was different, but the 'damage' had been done and Alicia was stuck with me whether she liked it or not.

"We really need to sort these clothes out, so stop fooling around," she warned me with a stifled smile.

"Yeah, yeah..."

We were sorting through some clothes that had been picked up on recent supply runs, separating the unusable ones from the ones we could definitely wash and share out between everyone. But as always with Alicia, it was easy to get distracted.

As we continued to go through everything, neatening the piles of clothes up on the table, we were interrupted by Madison, Alicia's mum.

"...and this is my daughter, Alicia, who I was telling you about," she was saying, and I noticed she was showing somebody new around. "This is her friend, Y/N."

Alicia and I exchanged glances before stopping what we were doing. Madison and the stranger looked to us with smiles.

"Girls, this is Jade," Madison introduced the newbie. "She's going to be joining us here from today. We bumped into her on the latest supply run."

"I don't know if I'll be staying yet," Jade said with a friendly smile, giving Madison a knowing look as if referencing a prior conversation, "but Madison was kind enough to bring me along. It's great to meet you both."

"Trust me, you'll wanna stay," I said jokingly, knowing that exact mentality because it was the same one I had when I first arrived. "It's nice to meet you, Jade."

"Yeah, it's nice having you here," Alicia added with her signature smile, enough to make anyone weak in the knees, or maybe just me. "The more the merrier."

"I'm just showing her around the place to let her have a feel for how things are," Madison explained, before noticing what we were doing and looking to Jade. "The girls are just sorting through our findings, clothes-wise. Kind of like shopping but without the money."

"Without the money but with the mean comments," I corrected, giving Alicia a knowing glance, and she rolled her eyes with amusement.

"It was a stupid hat, Y/N, you know it was."

"Whatever."

Alicia's smile widened before she looked to her mum. "I don't mind finishing up the tour if you want. I know you have a lot to do."

"You sure, hon?"

"Y/N an' I will both do it," she said, nudging me in the side when she mentioned my name.

"I guess we will," I said when Madison and Jade looked to me expectantly.

"Great," Madison said with a relieved smile. To Jade, she added, "I leave you in their capable hands."

"Fine by me," Jade said with a chuckle.

And so that was how I found myself giving a tour to the new girl with Alicia. It wasn't too bad since it was a nice change of pace from the usual daily chores, and it was also fun to get to know somebody who was similar in age and wasn't Alicia (not that I didn't love hanging out with her). Jade was chill, funny and laidback. Very confident with herself, which could be a little intimidating sometimes, and a little flirtier than I expected, but she seemed lovely.

Alicia and I showed her around the place – the cattle we had, the irrigation system that was rigged up, the rooms we were building – with hopes of subtly convincing her to stay. As Alicia said, the more that joined us, the merrier it was.

From what little Jade revealed, she didn't have any family or a group to rely on, she was just alone, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to have her start over here.

"You don't need to make any decisions now, or even today," Alicia said to her at the end of our tour. "Stay the night, catch up on your sleep, and then decide. But it could be a fresh start is all."

Jade nodded gratefully.

"It doesn't seem real, but it is," I added with a small smile. "It was the fresh start I was looking for. Could be yours, too."

"Thanks, both of you," Jade said, looking between us. "You've been amazing tour guides. Certainly gave me a lot to consider."

"Don't forget to leave us a five star review on Yelp," I joked, barely getting to add more before Alicia slapped me on the back of the head.

"Ignore her, she's just an idiot," she said to Jade when I frowned.

Jade laughed as I shot Alicia a sideways glare.

"Come on, we finished just in time to grab some dinner," Alicia said, ignoring me.

Even when she was annoyed at me, she still had my attention, I wouldn't lie.

So, Jade decided to stay.

It didn't take much convincing, and the next day, she'd already made up her mind. Naturally, she began to hang around with Alicia and I since we were the only people she knew and the only ones similar to her age. That's when I discovered that her overly-friendly and flirty nature wasn't a one-off, but rather something she kept up the longer we got to know each other.

It was always little compliments she'd throw my way, or certain times I'd catch her staring at me and she'd completely own it rather than looking away. At first I was flustered considering I hadn't been on the receiving end of someone's interest in a long time, but then I began to enjoy it for the same reason. I hadn't been involved with anybody romantically for a while, so it was – dare I say it – fun to have the attention. Besides, it wasn't anything serious, so why not enjoy it?

Funnily enough, as I began to like having Jade around, Alicia was the opposite. Whereas I appreciated her friendliness, Alicia began to become suspicious of it. It wasn't entirely obvious, but I'd come to know the green-eyed girl very well. Enough to read her curious expressions whenever Jade was within her vicinity. She even approached me about it once, shortly after Jade lent me one of her books because she knew I wanted something new to check out.

"Don't you think Jade is a bit too nice sometimes?" she asked me with a raised brow, eyes following the girl in question as she walked away.

I tried not to laugh. "What do you mean? How can someone be too nice?"

"You know... she's just always listening and being thoughtful and hasn't started any arguments since being here." Her eyes were still on Jade's retreating figure, leaving me suspicious.

"I mean, do you want her to start an argument? Isn't it a good thing that she's settling in?" When she didn't answer, I tilted my head forward so she would look at me. "Alicia?"

Finally looking my way, Alicia straightened up. "I don't know. I just think it's worth keeping an eye on her. Something feels off about her."

I couldn't understand what Alicia saw – Jade was getting on with everybody perfectly. She'd settled in this past week splendidly, falling into place like she'd always belonged. The only explanation I could think of was jealousy, which made me smile teasingly.

"It sounds like somebody's jealous that I've got a new friend," I joked, putting my arm around her shoulder, making her cross her arms and scoff in response. "Alicia, you know there's nothing wrong with Jade. It's okay to be jealous."

"You're being so stupid," she defended weakly. "I'm not jealous. I'm serious."

"Look, you'll always be my favourite," I continued to tease her, finding so much amusement in it. "Alicia Clark is irreplaceable. Even if she is a green-eyed monster right now."

If it was jealousy that was changing her opinion on Jade, it was unnecessary. If she knew that I'd already fallen head over heels for her, she definitely wouldn't doubt a thing.

"Forget it," Alicia mumbled, nudging my arm off her shoulder and walking the other way.

"Always my favourite!" I called after her with a laugh. "Don't forget it!"

She flipped me off without turning around before storming off.

I'd like to say it ended at that point and Alicia got over it the longer Jade stayed around, but she didn't. It was as if whenever Jade happened to be about, Alicia would get irrationally annoyed.

There was one time when I was eating dinner with Alicia and everything was going fine, as usual, in the sense that she wasn't previously annoyed for any reason. That was until Jade approached the table with a smile on her face. She looked between us before settling on me.

"Are you ready?"

It took me a minute to realise what she was on about before I straightened up. "Oh, yeah! One second."

As I finished my last bite quickly, Alicia quirked a brow. "Ready for what?"

Realising I hadn't told her, I said, "Jade is pretty good at building stuff, so she said she'd help me with the broken bookshelf in my room. Cool, right?"

Alicia didn't reply, instead clenching her jaw slightly as she glanced up at Jade.

"Well, I wasn't going to leave it how I saw it last time," Jade said with amusement. "Pretty girls need pretty things, right?"

I breathed out slowly through my nose, looking down at my plate and feeling my face heat up.

"I'm happy to help you, too, Alicia," Jade said, thankfully directing the remainder of the conversation to Alicia instead of me. "If you need anything fixing or anything."

I glanced up, watching Alicia roll her eyes rudely. She found mine, so I gave her a disapproving look because it wasn't necessary and all she'd done is make Jade uncomfortable.

"I'll, er, wait over there for you, Y/N," Jade finished, pointing over her shoulder.

I nodded and watched her leave, making sure she was out of earshot, before staring at Alicia with disbelief. "Seriously?"

"Fixing stuff?" she said, pulling a disgusted face. "Really? It's amazing how she seems to be good at everything, don't you think?"

"That's not fair, Alicia," I scolded her. "She's just being friendly."

"That's a little more than friendly...," Alicia mumbled under her breath, making me frown.

"So what?" I retorted, more frustrated than I realised. "Is that a bad thing?"

Alicia met my eyes, gaze softening apologetically. "Just be careful, Y/N. There's something strange about her."

Embarrassed, I said, "If the strange thing is that she might actually like me, then yeah, very strange."

She reached out her hand, but I pulled mine away. She frowned, saying, "I didn't mean it like that."

I avoided her eyes, stupidly flustered. "It doesn't matter. Just stop being rude to Jade. It's not fair on her."

She didn't respond straight away and I didn't stay to hear her opinion. I only hoped she would listen to me.

I'd love to say that after that awkward conversation with Alicia, she finally dropped her random grudge and got over herself, but she didn't. Instead, she decided to keep it up and take it one step further.

We were eating dinner together another night, though this time it was Alicia, Madison, Nick – Alicia's brother – and his girlfriend, Luciana, along with myself and Jade. Everything was going fine and it was supposed to be a normal dinner, until Alicia decided to ruin it.

"I would like to say something," Alicia announced suddenly, making everyone cease their conversation.

"What is it, sweetie?" Madison asked with concern.

I furrowed my eyebrows slightly, wondering what she wanted to say, until I realised her eyes were dead set on Jade sat beside me.

"You've been acting very weird lately, Jade," she came outright with it, making me squeeze my fork with annoyance.

"Alicia," I warned, but she ignored me.

"I followed you," she continued.

"What?" Jade asked with surprise.

"What?" I also said, raising my eyebrows with disbelief.

Alicia licked her lips, glancing at me with apologetic eyes, before staring at Jade with accusation. "Yeah, because I noticed you keep sneaking away into the stands every afternoon with a radio."

"Alicia, what's happening right now?" Madison asked with confusion, glancing between her and Jade. "What are you doing?"

"No, the question is what is she doing?" Alicia asked, glaring at Jade. "What are you hiding, Jade?"

Nick began to chuckle quietly, finding the whole thing amusing, whilst Luciana tried to tell him to be quiet and not interrupt. Meanwhile Madison scolded Alicia for overstepping and invading Jade's privacy. Alicia ignored her mother and kept her gaze focused on a nervous looking Jade.

"Why couldn't you just listen to me?" I said to Alicia, trying to earn her attention, but she wasn't listening. "Alicia!"

"Well?" she pressed Jade further, acting as if I wasn't there.

Jade swallowed hard before nodding slowly. "Fine." Everybody fell silent, and I looked to my right to hear her out. She continued, "Alicia is right. Sometimes I go to the stands to be alone."

"And the radio?" Alicia prodded, quirking a brow. "Who are you talking to, Jade?"

Jade paused, frowning slightly, before reaching into her satchel that she always wore and pulling out a radio, one I'd never seen before in my life. I didn't even know she had a radio. Nobody really carried them around the stadium unless it was on a supply run. And newbies especially weren't allowed them in case they tried to contact the wrong sorts of people. Why did Jade have one?

"It's old," Jade said, practically reading my mind. She looked around at everyone, eyes lingering on mine, before she opened the back of the radio. "It doesn't work. No batteries. See?"

She showed us the empty back, absent of batteries and therefore rendering it useless. With each word she uttered, Alicia's face drained.

"It's the last thing I have from my sister," Jade continued reluctantly. "We used to talk all the time with it. It's– it's just a keepsake, that's all... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be suspicious. I just wasn't ready to share that history with everyone."

Nobody was smiling now, the air filled with an uncomfortable tension. I frowned, watching Jade clumsily put the back cover back on her radio and into her bag.

"Jade, I... I'm so sorry for my daughter's behaviour," Madison began guiltily, when Alicia said and did nothing except stare with surprise.

"It's okay," Jade said with a forced smile. "She was just looking out for you all, for this place you've built. But I... if you'll excuse me..."

Before anybody could stop her, she slid off the bench and left in a hurry, upset and hurt and everything else that came with talking about your dead sister. I couldn't just watch her leave and be by herself in that state, so I got up, too, but not before glaring at Alicia.

"You happy now?" I asked her rhetorically, before running after Jade.

I caught up to her as she was crossing the stadium, probably making her way back to her room.

"Jade, wait up," I called, finally stopping before her before she could get further. "I'm so sorry Alicia did that and you had to say all of that. It wasn't fair."

She smiled dryly, avoiding my eyes. "I had my suspicions that Alicia didn't like me, but that was..."

I frowned, trying to find her eyes. "She's not usually like this. I think she's just adjusting to having someone else around. It was always just the two of us and... I'm sorry."

It felt stupid to defend Alicia after pulling something like this, but I had to. This wasn't her, she was better than this. Jade had to know that.

"It's okay," Jade assured me with a nod, before tilting her head and staring at me. "It's sweet that you're defending her. You're too sweet for your own good, Y/N."

I swallowed thickly, unsure what else to say. She raised her hand, touching my cheek tenderly and making me freeze at the contact.

"Thanks for coming to check on me," she said, dropping her hand, "but I just want to be alone if that's okay."

I cleared my throat, nodding. "Of course."

She smiled weakly before walking away. I exhaled deeply before turning around to head back to the others. I expected to find Alicia there, but I was told she'd gone back to her room, so I stormed over there myself, anger building up once more. As soon as I knocked on her door, she opened it guiltily, about to speak, but I didn't let her get a breath in before I unloaded.

"What the hell was that, Alicia?!" I shouted, looking between her eyes, searching for an answer. "You did the complete opposite of what I asked! I told you to drop it and now – what? You've dredged up Jade's past? You satisfied, Alicia?"

When I was finished, she pressed her lips together and breathed out through her nose. With a calm voice, she said, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't know that– I had to be sure it wasn't anything strange. It looked weird, her sneaking away to radio someone. Can't you agree?"

"No, because I didn't have any doubts!" I fired back with disapproval.

"I don't trust her," she said, shaking her head.

"You only had to trust me."

Her gaze flickered between my eyes, an apology hiding behind hers. I hated that with a simple look she already had me loosening up, willing to get over it.

"I'm sorry," she repeated earnestly. "I'll apologise to Jade, too."

I looked down at my shoes, frowning. Never had Alicia and I argued like this before, especially over something so silly.

"Are we good?" she asked softly, shoe kicking the tip of mine reluctantly, making me look at them.

I rubbed my hands over my face, sighing, before nodding and looking at her. "Yeah, we are. I'm just... a bit annoyed at you right now."

She chewed on her bottom lip, guilt forcing her to look away.

"I'm gonna go," I said awkwardly. "I just hope this pettiness stops now, Alicia."

She nodded in agreement and I left it at that.

Following the incident at dinner, Alicia kept to her promise and dialled her attitude back whenever it came to Jade. She wasn't best friends with her, but the death glares and confrontations were kept to a minimum which was all I could have asked for. There was the occasional eye roll of course, but if I pretended it wasn't there then it didn't bother me.

"Just take off the dead leaves," I told Alicia with a stifled smile. "Why does everything have to be so difficult?"

"Because I wasn't supposed to be on gardening duty today," she retorted, scowling at the plants.

"Don't act like you don't love spending time with me," I teased, and she merely nudged me in the side, making me catch myself with my arm before I fell sideways from my sat down position.

We were both sat on the soil, cleaning up the vegetable patches as part of our chores, but Alicia's chore was changed from guard duty to this for today, so she wasn't particularly loving it.

"With guard duty, I only have to sit and keep watch," she muttered as she picked off the dead leaves.

"That's boring," I said with a shake of my head.

"Well, it wouldn't be if you traded jobs and did it with me," she said, glancing at me with a hopeful smile.

I mirrored her stance, making fun of her. "Or you could trade jobs and do this with me."

She lost her smile, straightening up, and I laughed at the sudden change of expression.

"It's not even that bad," I told her, before scooting over slightly to move onto the next plant.

She muttered in disagreement, making my smile widen, before a quiet fell upon us.

"Y/N, Alicia, hey!"

I looked up at the sound of my name, as did Alicia, only to see Jade approaching us with a friendly smile. Alicia's eye roll didn't go unnoticed when Jade kneeled before us. Just like that, the air around us changed.

"Hey, Jade," I greeted for the both of us, offering her a smile. "How are you?"

"Doing good, yeah," she said, returning my smile. "Just finished washing the breakfast dishes. Thought I'd stop by and see if you ladies needed a hand."

I glanced at Alicia, expecting a sarky comment of some sort, but she surprisingly stayed quiet and had her eyes glued to the plants.

"You don't have to," I said politely, looking back to Jade. "I think Alicia and I got it. Besides, it's our chores, not yours."

"Oh, I don't mind," she insisted. "I have nothing else to do anyway."

Not having any other reason to decline, I shrugged. "Okay, sure. We're just cleaning up the vegetable patch. So removing any dead leaves and giving everything a water after. Knock yourself out."

She hummed in agreement before sitting cross-legged opposite us and beginning to pluck the dead leaves from the plants. It was quiet once again, as the three of us worked silently, but I felt Jade's eyes on me and glanced up at her.

"What?" I asked, suddenly nervous because I hated attention like that.

She smiled, eyes looking me up and down. "Nothing, sorry."

I quirked a brow. "Seriously?"

Chuckling, she shook her head. "I just– you look good today, that's all."

I opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out was an awkward breath before I looked away. My face started to heat up when she began to laugh.

"You're cute when you're nervous," she added, only making me want the Earth to swallow me up there and then.

"I just realised I have to go help mom with something," Alicia suddenly said, before I could say anything.

I looked over to her, recovering from my embarrassment. "What? What about this?"

She tensed her jaw slightly, avoiding my eyes. "Jade's helping, right? I gotta go."

"Alicia," I said, furrowing my brows because something was clearly up.

She ignored me and stood up, not even bothering to dust the soil from her jeans before walking away. I watched after her, confused, before looking back to Jade when she spoke up.

"You and Alicia," she started curiously, "has that ever been a thing?"

Still thinking about the green-eyed girl in question, I only half listened. "A thing?"

"You know," she said like it was obvious, "a couple. The two of you."

I almost choked on my own spit when I realised what she was asking, and I was certain my face was permanently on fire at this point.

"What? I– no. Nothing like–" I cleared my throat uncomfortably, just the thought of Alicia and I being a couple sounding insane. Not because I didn't want that, but because she'd never feel the same way. "Nothing like that. We're just friends."

She laughed at my expression. "Okay, relax! I was just checking if I had any competition is all."

I looked away, wondering if I'd heard her correctly, but I was too afraid to follow up and check so I merely stayed quiet and kept on working. The flirting was certainly taking its toll.

"You ready to go?" Alicia asked me as she was looking in her backpack, probably double checking she had everything she needed.

"Uh-huh." I patted my waist, feeling for my pistol, knife and radio. "You got the map?"

She paused, hands rooting around her bag before pulling it out and giving me a nod. I waited for her to finish up and threw my own backpack into the back of the pickup truck. We were going on a supply run together, specifically hoping to pick up some extra gardening supplies.

"Y/N, Alicia, wait up!"

The two of us turned around when we saw Jade jogging over to us.

"I'm so glad I caught you," she said breathlessly when she stopped before us. "Madison told me you were going on a supply run."

"We are," Alicia confirmed, although it was defensively as she crossed her arms and glanced over her.

"I wanted to ask if I could come with you," she said hopefully, looking to me, before adding to Alicia, "And you could have a break, Alicia."

"Maybe next time," Alicia answered before I could even acknowledge her words. Her eyes fell to me, darkening. "Come on, Y/N. We should go."

"I just want to help," Jade said with a frown. "I know things are still weird between us, Alicia, and I just want to make things right. Do something nice for everyone, even if it's just getting more gardening supplies. And giving you a break, too. You work so hard... you could relax and consider this a thank you from me."

Jade was lovely, but she was still relatively new to the stadium, having been here barely a month. We didn't really let newbies go out on supply runs for security reasons, and also because they never preferred to anyway. Despite this, I didn't see a huge reason why she couldn't go instead of Alicia. It was nice of her to offer since not many people did.

"I also thought it would be an added bonus that we could spend some more time together, Y/N," Jade added, eyes falling to me.

"Like I said, maybe next time," Alicia repeated firmly, before giving me an impatient look that screamed for me to get a move on. But I wasn't so sure.

"She's saving you a task," I tried to reason with Alicia. "Come on. You're always saying you need a break. Why not?"

She quirked a brow, questioning me without speaking. But I gave her a pleading look in return, hoping she'd reciprocate the effort that Jade was making. After what felt like a year-long staring match, Alicia gave in reluctantly.

"Fine," she said with a clenched jaw, making Jade smile.

"Thank you, Alicia," Jade said to her gratefully. "I won't let you down."

Alicia said nothing as she squeezed her hands into fists by her side.

"You can wait in the front," I told Jade, nodding to the truck. "I'll be right with you."

Jade nodded and went to the passenger's seat of the truck. Meanwhile, I gave Alicia a grateful smile, stepping closer to her.

"Thank you for trying," I said appreciatively, meeting her eyes. "It means a lot."

"Just be careful," she said seriously, bright eyes flickering between mine and momentarily leaving me breathless.

All I could manage was a nod before hugging her quickly. She squeezed me tight, leaving me smiling to myself, before letting go. After giving me her knife and backpack, I got in the truck.

"Here you go," I said to Jade, passing her Alicia's knife. "There's one gun and I've got it. We should try to avoid contact with infected if we can. You okay with that?"

Jade smiled. "You got it."

[arakawa-division]

Ivelisse's Thoughts on Okinawa Division

Ace Douglas

"The son of the United States current president, and the diplomat to Japan. He seems like a passionate young man who loves his country dearly. In a sense, I get the same loyalty from him that I get from Alexis. It's good to show love for your homeland. I'm afraid I wouldn't know much about that, however, considering I spent much of my life in New York. Still, Puerto Rico will always be my home, no matter how far away from it I am."

"But anyway, from what Alexis tells me, this young man seems to have a grudge against Japan, which makes it foolish for him to be the one speaking on America's behalf. I do not think America wishes to have Japan as an enemy again. So why would the representative of the country choose to send someone who has no liking here to speak for them? It doesn't make sense..."

Evelyn Rose

"She seems like a really kind and spirited young woman. Though she may have trouble grasping certain concepts, I don't think that takes away from her kindness and good spirit. The president's son is truly blessed to have someone like her as his potential girlfriend. Also, judging from her posture, she's probably done yoga before. I'll have to ask her if she would consider joining one of my classes. And I should ask her to bring her boyfriend along. It would do him a world of good to meditate his mind and calm his spirit."

Rashaad Young

Unlike the last two members of the team, Ivelisse stops at the photo of the bartender. She looks at the photo of him, a crease in her eyebrows as she studies his face.

"This man... I can't help but feel like I know him. The fact that he is Puerto Rican, like me, definitely suspicious."

The yoga instructor continues looking at the photo, as if looking for something that is there, yet she hasn't spotted it yet. The crease on her eyebrows increases and she leans in close. Suddenly, it's as if a light inside her head has turned on as she realizes something. Quickly running off-screen for a minute, she returns with another photo: a young teenage basketball player. Putting the two photos side by side, the yoga instructor gasps, covering her mouth with shock. Her vision becomes blurry as she starts crying.

"...I knew it. I knew you were alive. I knew it! ...Brother..."

Liberty Guild

The yoga instructor has the photo of Rashaad in front of her, a complex look on her face. She is feeling a wide array of emotions. Happiness, sadness, anger, worry, anxiety, relief, disappointment, etc. She doesn't know how to feel about her sudden discovery; finding out that the man she calls her family is alive and well. ...Yet, at the same time, she is also angry. Has he been here in Japan this whole time? If so, why didn't he try to contact his family? Why didn't he call, or write a letter, at least? Did he just forget about them? Were they just a part of his life that he didn't want to bring up again? Did they mean nothing to him? At all?!

Ivelisse thinks on these things and slowly exhales. She knows that getting mad and angry would do nothing. But she cannot help but be upset at this cause of events. Looking up at the photo of the bartender once more, she placed it down on the desk she was sitting at. She had to be patient for now. It wasn't time to confront the one she had been looking for all this time yet.

...But that would not always be the case. She would meet him and his team at the D.R.B. And when she did, he was going to explain everything to her. Whether he wanted to or not..."

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #176

Today was relatively uneventful, but a couple of interesting developments occurred. And I took a bunch of pictures for you, too! Maybe you'll like them...

But first! Tea! Because it is my habitual morning thing, and it is a small bit of magic that I continue to wish that I could share with you.

I prepared a black tea that has vanilla, rose petals, and cream flavoring in it. Incidentally, I found a tiny black feather inside that I had to pull out of my measuring spoon after I scooped the tea; it was odd:

...You can bet that this is now in my box full of all the feathers I find everywhere. It's tiny, but its placement was very weird!

...I brewed the tea normally nonetheless, and today's swirls were lovely. I'm really glad that I got the glass mug so that I can capture them for you:

...I've been tired of being stuck in the house unable to do things. The rib injury is still unresolved even after two years, and it doesn't seem like I am going to be able to return to the water anytime soon to resume mermaid training, if at all, ever. I can't weave wire trees fast enough to earn appreciable income (and I think the repetitive movement of twisting the wire stresses the rib somehow anyway...), and I wanna be able to do things like take J, M, and Br out for lunch and get them nice surprises by my own power.

The grocery 5 minutes down the road has had a sign that says, "Immediate Interviews" for a while now, and I've noticed that they tend to hire neurodivergent and otherwise disabled people, so... on a whim, I went. And even without having rehearsed anything or being dressed all fancy, I made good use of my training in human psychology and development, and used that to answer questions about how I generally like to resolve conflicts. I seem to have made a good first impression somehow (assuming the interviewer was being sincere...), and I was given step-by-step instructions on how to apply on a little slip of paper (which was SUUUUPER appreciated because I cannot hold verbal instructions in my mind for the life of me...). So I applied. I guess we'll see what happens.

To be clear: I do not need an income, per se. I live with M and J, and they both work in a tech field, and currently, my contribution is making sure the house is clean(ish) in whatever ways my injury allows. I used to work in a tech field as a database analyst (I am DAMN GOOD at making machines do what I want), but between the social repercussions of not having been born with a penis and just generally not being able to handle office politics, I wasn't happy there. Office work on a full-time basis is not something that my neurotype can handle.

I'm hoping to be able to do simple things at the grocery on a part-time basis - no more than 20 hours a week or so. I like the grocery store and I like being able to help people, so maybe it'll be a good time. I'll try it and see if it fits, and if it doesn't work out, I can try something else.

On the way home, I took some pictures for you of some flowers and some pictures of the sky and of the sun. I wonder if you'll like these:

...It was difficult to get those last two!! I hope you'll enjoy them!

I spent the rest of the day resting, because I did a scary social impromptu interview thing. I played the Rune Factory 4 game that was suggested to me by one of my readers. It's a delightful game! But... I maaaay have gotten so into it that I forgot entirely to eat anything after breakfast. Whoops. I'm sorry about that. But I'll do better tomorrow, I promise.

I hope you're taking nice care of yourself, too, wherever you are. Maybe someday you'll be able to tell me how you're doing and whether or not you're safe...

Well anyway. Suppose I'll end today's letter here. I don't have much more to say.

I love you. Please stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again very soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[sapphire-weapon]

I just wanted to say that as a person in their early 20s who only just got into resident evil after re8, it was so fun finding your blog and scrolling through all the little blurbs you’ve got. fandom elders always have the best resources and lore and make spaces a million times better, so thank u for mentioning all the little game details and fandom notes that would’ve been forgotten or missed otherwise to newcomers!!

on another note, i wanted to ask if you had any amusing/chaotic tidbits relating to the re fandom in its earlier days, whether it be speculations of scenes or character directions or interactions that people were so sure were going to happen in later re games that absolutely did not happen, fics that were really influential, insane fanwar stories, memes that used to be rlly prolific and now don’t really come up, etc. it’s something i love to discover about fandoms because it rlly is a “you had to be there,” type of information that people don’t document the way they would with canon developments that you can easily find on wikipages

Anon... I'm gonna fucking cry. 😭 This is exactly what I wanted this blog to become once I realized I was falling back into RE hell. Anything that I can do to make this canon more accessible to new people, I want to do it. I think I've said this before, but I literally cannot imagine what it must be like getting into this series this late in the game, because RE is terrifyingly huge and abstract and very old by video game standards.

As for the second part of your ask... Man, I have so many stories. I won't tell all of them, because if I try to, it'll be weeks before I can post this LMAO so let me just break this up into sections and I'll tell whatever the first stories that pop into my head are.

FAN THEORIES

So, historically, RE fandom was never big on fan theories. Fan theories and meta were something that Silent Hill people did, not so much RE people.

BUT there is one that refuses to die, and I have seen people scream about it as recently as Revelations 2.

People are convinced that Steve Burnside is going to come back. This drum has been getting banged ever since the original Code Veronica released in 2000, and even though it has literally never been hinted at at any point in the 23 years since then that Capcom even remembers that that was a possible thing that was set up, the fandom is still waiting for it to happen.

And it's all because Wesker stole his body and fucked off with it and was a complete asshole about it when he did it. That's it, that's the whole reason.

But then that also ties into the fact that there are still people who are convinced that Wesker didn't actually die in RE5 and that he's gonna come back any day now, guys, really -- and that's just a whole level of death denial I've never seen before. Dude got hit with two rocket launchers in the middle of an active volcano. YOU LITERALLY DO NOT GET MORE DEAD THAN THAT.

INFLUENTIAL FICS

Surprisingly, none. RE didn't have an "I Know What's Beneath the Snow Fields" or a "Walk This World." There were influential authors, though. I won't name them because I have no idea where they are now or if they're still around, but. I will say that there was one very influential fic writer in Cleon fandom who utilized literally so many headcanons in her fics that her characters were utterly unrecognizable. Some of the headcanons blatantly contradicted canon, even. But her writing style and her prose were so, so, so fucking good that it didn't matter. For a while, Cleon fandom almost became like a cult around her fics -- and, as someone who only dabbled in Cleon because my friends shipped it, but I had no personal stake in the ship myself -- it was really, really weird to watch this go down.

INSANE FAN WAR STORIES

I was going to go off on a huge thing about the Aeon vs Cleon wars, but seeing as how they're still fucking happening for some god forsaken dumbass reason, I decided not to.

So, we'll forget that. And while this isn't a war story, exactly, I do need to give a special shoutout to the Wesker wives of old.

If you are at all familiar with the stories of old school Final Fantasy VII fandom of girls who convinced themselves that they married Sephiroth on the astral plane -- guess what. RE fandom had those girls, too, and we called them Wesker wives.

There was one really prominent one on LiveJournal back in the day who used to get art commissioned of her and Wesker together, and she would post pictures of herself "in uniform" for him, and like. Would legitimately write as though she was actually married to the fictional character Albert Wesker. She'd answer questions from people and shit.

And she was really, really pretty, so everyone was just kind of stunned by this, because this girl very clearly took care of herself and worked out and knew how to do her hair and makeup -- she always looked really good -- and it was just like... how did someone like you fall so far off the reality wagon?

And then it slowly started to come out that she maybe had some nazi ideology behind her and kept referring to Wesker has her Aryan king or someshit, and that was about the point where my Jewish ass backed away from that whole trainwreck and stopped paying attention to it, so I don't actually know how this story ends.

MEMES

So, uh. If you've been on the fandom side of the internet long enough, you'll at least have heard of the "it's over 9000" meme, even if you're not into Dragon Ball or ever seen an episode of it in your life.

Well, the same guy who started that meme also left his mark on RE fandom, too. The whole "Jill sandwich" thing was always a meme in its own right, but "Hope this is not Chris's blood" was added onto it thanks to this video. So, "Hope this is not Chris's blood" was a big, big meme in the late aughts that I really don't see around anymore. It was used as a sort of... shitpost response to a shitpost, if that makes sense? Like, your friend sends you some obviously stupid bullcrap or a dumb meme and you just respond back "hope this is not chris's blood."

This cap from Code Veronica was a huge meme for a long time, too, and I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHY

And then.

There was this masterpiece. Do not watch this with other people in the room unless your willingness to let others bear witness to your own cringe is very high. It's also NSFW. And, actually, this video might be the single oldest meme in RE fandom history. The YT link I provided here is not the original source of it. It was some stupid fan edit that was making its rounds on Kazaa, and I'm not joking. I want to say this edit is no younger than OG RE2 (so 1998).

And I would negligent in my duties as a fandom historian if I did not introduce you to the glory that is Resident Evil 4 Days of Our Lives. I STILL QUOTE THIS SHIT, TO THIS DAY.

Like, this is me on plurk referencing this stupid fucking shit as I'm liveplurking my very first playthrough of RE4R:

There was a part of me that was honestly kind of upset when the two cops at the beginning of RE4make didn't actually say to Leon, "I hear no one listens to you. Is that true, Captain Cubscout?" because that is unironically the single greatest line of dialogue that was ever written to be said by any character to Leon Kennedy, and it was written by some fuckin college kids back in the mid aughts.

And that's all I can think of for right now.

Thank u for indulging my old person desire to ramble on about "BACK IN MY DAY........." I appreciate u.

ETA: ok like i know i said i was only gonna mention shit that i could think of at the time that i responded to the ask but there is one more meme that i would be remiss to not mention