#so i can get away with looking :] at a baseball game in headshots

[moregraceful]

one time i was at a baseball game and my friend got SUPER drunk and was going through my phone. and she was like, your dating app photos suck you need better photos for tinder. i can fix you, get up. and took a bunch of photos of me at the giants game from the upper deck. i look great bc i was laughing at her the entire time. but when i tell you i have used those photos as professional headshots for public facing work--

[pancake-breakfast]

It's late and I'm tired, but I want to at least try to get ahead of some of the chapter spoilers now that we're really getting past what I know (save a couple Big Important Moments).

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 5, Chapters 1-2 below.

TriMax Volume 5 Covers

Oooh, electric feather Vash! On the one hand, I'm excited because I love the way he looks when he goes all uncanny. On the other hand, I hate what it will likely take for him to get there. I mean, the last time something like this happened was Fifth Moon, so....

Hahahahaha, baseball AU! I'm just gonna note it looks like Vash is pitching here.

LOLLLL Legato is such a little gremlin on the back cover!

"Just when you thought this series had reached its most feverish pitch...." Joke's on you; I know there are nine more volumes so we're nowhere near the "most feverish pitch."

More baseball AU for the back cover, which shows us that while Vash might be a pitcher, he's apparently not a very good one. (Or maybe he's actually excellent since he got headshots on everyone, but maybe he's not playing the game the way everyone wants him to, which TBF is a very Vash thing to do.)

Chapter 1: The City, And Then The Feast Of The Hounds

CW: Suicide

Ugh, that cover shot with Vash with his arms crossed. Just... Ugh. It's so beautiful.

LOL, the shop vendor thinking Vash is in showbusiness because of his flashy coat. And Vash is just like, "Yep, that's right!"

WAIT A SECOND. How did we get here? Where is "here"? Why isn't everyone shooting at them? Where did Midvalley go? Wait. WAIT. Is this... JULY?!?!?!

KNEE TO THE FACE!!!

Awww, he's so happy! Also, bonus cats!

WTF, did Vash join a kids' street gang? He totally did, didn't he? And he's trying to feed them healthy food to take care of them in his particular Vash way.

Ah, stolen away to be someone else's lackey....

Dammit, it is July. I was kinda hoping it was gonna be a happier memory. For Vash's sake.

Then he remembers all of them. All of them. And knows that, on some level, they're dead because of him.

Count Vasquez? That's a name we haven't heard since, like, Volume 1, Chapter 1, page 1, yeah? The guy Vash is wanted for apparently killing?

Hang on, I'm just gonna revel in his fully blond hair for a moment. (Note to Self: Color this panel when it's not an ungodly hour.)

Vash is an unusual name.

Oh, my babygirl....

Oof, in the middle of his breakdown, he remembers Meryl. For now, he's got to keep going for Meryl. This is actually a very good technique for getting through suicidal ideation. I don't know that Vash currently has the strength and vision to keep his goal of Knives in sight, but Meryl is immediate. She was just here, and now she's not, but she's very, very close. He can worry about what comes next after she's safe. But first he has to get her safe. Small goals first.

Meryl... probably has a lot on her mind right now, TBF.

You know, I'm impressed. That's probably the least traumatic way Zazie could have spit thousands of worms. Hooray for Nightow feeling lazy?

Zazie's worm sense is tingling again.

Oop, someone brought the Raid.

Meryl??

WTF how did Zazie lose a hand here??!

Ok, I really don't know what's going on with Zazie. Did they... overtax themself a bit?? Are they injured because worms were injured? Are their senses just too disjointed???

Ohhhh, it was Midvalley. He's not so keen on whatever Zazie's trying to do.

Is Hoppered just... wearing Zazie's other hand around his throat for now? Zazie might need that. Might.

Midvalley has the magic of the music.

Aww, Meryl! You can do it, girl!

Chapter 2: Breakout

Ah, this must be proto-Hoppered. He's just a little guy....

They're being so rude to him, too!

Oof, the barkeep wants to help, but doesn't know how to balance this. And, of course, Hoppered is the one who pays for it.

Good for Hoppered. And for once, we get the tiniest glimpse of his actual face.

Looks like the guy's alright, after all. And maybe didn't even mean harm?

Dude, you don't know what their relationship is. Don't be so quick to judge just because Hoppered isn't like other people.

He wants to touch her, but doesn't.

Uhhhh, what's he getting injected into him??

Midvalley sure has a lot of faith in his partner here.

Eyyyyy, our boi is back!

I dunno, he might be able to see. But Midvalley's definitely raising a legitimate question. How did Wolfwood make it this far?

Midvalley: "Don't make a sound." Wolfwood: *immediately crunches something under his foot*

You're almost there, Vash! Be careful!

Meryl warns him. I wonder if he knew. Then again, babygirl is very prone to rushing headlong into things to save people, so I'm pretty sure the warning was important.

There are no sound effects on this panel and yet I can still hear it.

I dunno if it's safe to be that close to Midvalley, especially when he's got his weapon primed.

Boy's seriously gonna bust a vein here.

AAAAAAAHHHHH MILLY!!!! And Wolfwood wanted to leave her behind....

Hoppered unmasked!

LOL, I know the floor's at an angle, but Wolfwood and Midvalley look like ballet dancers here.

Goshdarnit, now I have to leave it on a cliffhanger!

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10 || Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Volume 1: Covers + 1-2, 2 DT, 3-4, 3 DT, 5-6 || Volume 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Volume 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Volume 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7

[ikahnik-gaming]

Walking Dead Saint and Sinners Chapter 1 tips

Hey there, I’m Jace. I’ve been playing the first chapter of the Walking Dead Saints and Sinners game on PSVR2. And here are some tips that I wish I had known before starting the game.

Here’s the video: 

Days don't really matter, at least not in chapter one. So don’t worry about encountering more zombies or having less supplies.

If you have time, and not rushing the story, farm the first town for a few days until you can unlock the bigger backpack. Also this is the perfect time to practice and get better at killing walkers.

Crouch down when low on stamina so that the meter can refill faster. Also there’s no stamina penalty in the safe area. I didn't know that until much later, sadly.

When rearranging things in the backpack, it’s faster to drop them on the floor than dropping them in the top hole, otherwise it will always take you to the first page that's not filled, which is slower then picking up the items off the floor.

Always aim for the head - unless you manage to cut off a walker’s arms, body hits do nothing.

The last shotgun that you unlock, the Nova, is much better at headshots.

use spoons, screwdrivers or bottles when in a house in order to save your weapon’s durability.

Fight the temptation to swing long weapons, like the spiked baseball bat, wildly. If you don't hit walkers correctly on the head, it will only make them stumble and do no damage. Make sure you can see the spike edge to line it up just right for that headshot.

You can use a katana with one hand and instead of slashing, you can stab zombies in the face, Although I’m not sure if it uses more or less stamina.

Use blunt objects like pans, angel statues, or the butt of your pistol - they dont break and 2-4 hits will do the job.

Hold a walker by the head to get that guaranteed head damage or to push them away. They will usually stumble other walkers in the process.

If there’s too many walkers or you’re low on stamina, climb a car. Walkers can’t climb or reach you - Just be careful because not all cars are climbable.

Carry a nail bomb, or two, if you have the space. Just watch out; nail bombs or explosive arrows can take you out just as easily too.

Don't use ammo to break boards. Use a crowbar or the butt of your gun.

Some walkers, the more infected ones that are more green with green stains on their chests, will spill out a green liquid that causes damage when you take them down with melee weapons. Instead, push them away and use a long range weapon.

Pick up your arrows. They can be reused a second or even a third time before breaking. And keep in mind that arrows will bounce off enemies’ masks.

When your health is too low you will cough which could attract walkers

Some walkers are faster than others

Walkers have longer reach than they look - think of the warning: “objects in rearview mirror are closer than they appear”

Once you unlock Guts Mode. Always keep a few guts in your backpack so that you can casually walk to your boat after the bell.

That’s all the tips I have gathered online or learned through my playthrough. Let me know if there’s any tip I missed in the comments. Come back for my Playthrough Audiobook that you can listen to as you go about your day. As always, like and subscribe if you haven’t. It costs you nothing and does wonders for me. Peace.

[songsformonkeys]

Pancakes (dave x reader)

summary: Dave York makes excellent pancakes

word count: 1600

rating: The filthiest thing is a quick ass-grabbing. This is very safe

warnings: None

notes:  This one is a gift for the wonderful and amazing Iris (@agirllovespasta​ ) who’s sweeter than the pancakes in this story. She wrote adorable HCs for Pedro’s characters and pancakes here (go read it!). I fell in love with all of them but particularly the Dave York one. She then, very graciously allowed me two write this, inspired by her HC. Thank you <3

Pancakes

You wake up to the smell of pancakes.

Pancakes are Dave's thing. He's the only one in the family with any patience for making them. You have tried a few times but you always make them too thin and they end up falling apart, thus creating the infamous Scrambled Pancakes breakfast which still holds up as an excellent breakfast threat when the girls are being too unruly. Dave makes pancakes like he makes most things, with an unreasonable amount of patience and perfectionism.

However, the smell of Dave making pancakes is always associated with mixed emotions for you. It's delicious, for sure. The girls go absolutely wild and you love how happy it makes them when they realize what's on the breakfast menu. But Dave only makes pancakes when he has something to apologize for, and that part you wouldn't mind going without.

You look over to his side of the bed. The bedsheets look too smooth and you realize that they haven't been slept in. You reach out and touch his pillow with a sigh. Another all-nighter at the office. It has been a while since the last time and you'd just gotten used to waking up in the comfort of your husband's embrace.

Wrapping yourself in your morning gown, you slowly make your way down. You hear the sound of Dave and the girls in the kitchen, their voices laughing happily and his a soft murmur. You stop for a minute just to listen. Sometimes you like to spy on the three of them, hide and just listen as Dave helps them with their homework, tries (and fails) to braid their hair or reads them bedtime stories (it's more than one time that Dave has found you half sleeping on the floor of the hallway outside of the girls' bedroom, having been lulled to sleep as well by whatever story he'd told them that night). You love watching and listening to them interact with each other. It fills your chest with so much love that it almost hurts.

There's a sizzling noise as Dave pours pancake batter into the frying pan. One of the girls...growls? Curiosity gets the better of you and you emerge from your hiding spot and enter the kitchen.

Your youngest is on all fours on the floor next to the kitchen island, hunched over something and making loud growling noises. You have about half a second to speculate about the reason before your eyes land on your oldest, brandishing the largest knife in the kitchen as she slices up a pile of strawberries on the cutting board.

She's the first one to notice you.

”Mommy!” she exclaims and waves the hand holding the knife at you in greeting. The little gremlin on the floor turns and grins at you. The lower half of her face is covered with something red that you hope is strawberry juice. When she spots you, she moves to stand up, unaware of the dangerous windmill that her sister has turned into.

”Dave!” you call before disaster has a chance to strike. Without barely looking up from the frying pan, he reaches out to still Alice's arm. You hurry over and take the knife from her.

”Hey!” she protests.

”Grownup knife,” you explain, pulling open a drawer and handing her a smaller, less sharp one. She eyes it with disdain.

”Don't worry, she's a natural,” your traitor of a husband says and you give him a disbelieving look. He holds his hands up in surrender but there's a teasing smile on his face. He's wearing Alice's apron, which has the Little Mermaid on it. It's too small and he looks ridiculous. You can’t help but return his smile and just shake your head.

Molly reluctantly goes back to chopping up the strawberries and you feel something bump against your leg. You look down and Alice is watching you with those big brown eyes that she inherited from her father.

”Alice, darling, why are you eating strawberries off the floor?” you ask, eying the small pile of half-chewed berries next to her. You're suddenly grateful that you did decide to vacuum and mop the floors yesterday, after all.

”She's my dog,” Molly chimes in at the same time as Alice barks.

”Of course she is,” you say with a laugh.

Dave has returned his focus to the pancakes again. There's a plate next to him with a steadily growing stack of delicious pancakes. You're tempted to steal one. 

Instead, you walk up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist in a tight embrace. He starts like you've just hurt him and you pull back.

”What's wrong?” you ask. Dave shakes his head and apologizes.

”Pulled something at the gym. Age is a beautiful thing, isn't it?”

There's nothing strange about the way he says it, and yet there's something that makes you think he's not telling the truth. You tell yourself you're being paranoid and when he sets the spatula down and turns to give you a good morning kiss, you forget all about it.

”Mom, Dad, look!” Molly calls and you and Dave both turn to look.

”Look what I taught her!” she continues and picks up a small piece of strawberry. She tosses it into the air and, against all odds, Alice stands up on her knees and catches it in her mouth before growling again. You clap your hands, actually impressed, and Alice wags her imaginary tail and barks again. Dave gives her the thumbs up before he pours some more batter into the pan.

”Can you try too?” Molly asks and you almost say no but she too has inherited her father's eyes and you find yourself nodding in agreement instead. She squeals with delight and picks up a piece of strawberry. Alice abandons her role as the dog and stands up to watch.

”Alright,” you say, ”I'm ready.”

Turns out, you're not. Unlike the gentle toss that she used for her sister, Molly now lobs the strawberry like she's a pitcher in a baseball game. The berry hits you square in the forehead with a splat. The girls both howl with laughter.

”Headshot!” Molly yells and you wonder where the hell she learned what a headshot is. Turning to give Dave a questioning look, you find him already watching you with a strange expression on his face. It's like he's a million miles away in his thoughts and his hand is soft and almost trembling when he reaches up to wipe away the strawberry juice from your forehead. What is with him today?

”Girls...” Dave says, tearing his eyes away from you, ”Would you please stop throwing away all the toppings for the pancakes.”

They beg him for just one more, so he can try and catch it. He's just as helpless when it comes to resisting as you are, and agrees. However, he is much better at strawberry-catching, it would seem, and he effortlessly catches the berry that Molly throws at him.

As Dave finishes up making the pancakes, you and the girls help set the table. Then you dig in! Well, three of you do. Dave, despite being an expert at making them, doesn't actually like pancakes. He claims they're too sweet. Instead, he's nursing a cup of black coffee and eating a boring sandwich with cheese and cucumber.

He looks relaxed where he's leaning back in his chair, his arm resting along the back of your chair. His fingers reach just far enough to he can caress the skin at the back of your neck when you're not leaning forward to stop Alice from emptying all of the syrup over her pancakes.

The girls are ecstatic over the sugary breakfast and, like a swarm of locusts has passed through your kitchen, there's not even a tiny piece of pancake left once breakfast is over.

You send the girls upstairs to wash their sticky faces and hands. Dave loads the plates into the dishwasher and before he has a chance to move away, you trap him against the counter, with one arm on either side on him. You kiss him with your own sugar-sticky lips and for someone who claims not to like sugar in the morning, Dave doesn't seem to mind too much, kissing you back with gusto.

”You didn't come home last night,” you say, when you pull apart. Dave's face looks more tired all of a sudden and you almost regret bringing it up.

”I'm sorry,” he says, and you know he means it.

”Hence the pancake bribery,” you smile, showing him you're not upset. ”Do you have to work today?”

Dave shakes his head and wraps his arms around you, gently pulling you against his chest.

”Not until tomorrow,” he says.

”Good. Because I'm dropping the girls off at my mom's place for the day, which means I get to have you all to myself.”

You lean in and leave a trail of kisses from his neck, along his jaw and up to his mouth. As your lips part against his, he reaches under your morning gown to palm your ass. You smile against his lips before reluctantly pulling back.

”Later,” you promise, giving him a soft peck on the lips. ”And babe?”

”What?”

”Thanks for the pancakes!”

Taglist: @yespolkadotkitty​, @agirllovespasta​, @synystersilenceinblacknwhite​, @larakasser​, @ahopelessromanticwritersworld​, @beccaplaying​

Want to be added to the taglist for future Dave stuff, just let me know.

[tisfan]

Kicking and Screaming

Square: I1 - Sports By @27dragons and @tisfan Title: Kicking and Screaming Warning: None Rating: Teen Characters: Bucky, Tony, Phil Coulon, the rest of the Avengers Tags: Coulson Lives, Team Sports, competitive, feed your supersoldiers regularly Summary: Coulson should get hazard pay: it’s mandatory team building for the Avengers again. Link: AO3 Word Count: 2872 Posted for @winterironbingo

Coulson trudged out onto the playing field -- miles away from civilization so they didn’t accidentally break anything fragile, like New York City -- with a bright red kickball. Avenger’s baseball was bad for the surrounding countryside.

“All right,” he said, firmly no-nonsense. “Team captains today are: Bruce Banner and Peter Parker. Pick your teams, for a game of kickball.”

“What is kickball? Is it like golf?” Thor wondered, eyeing the ball. Coulson had sudden images of Thor using his hammer on the field, and was glad that, for the most part, the ball was extremely durable. Special design. Even the Wolverine could have played, if he’d wanted to.

“It’s kinda like baseball,” Peter volunteered. “Only the ball rolls on the ground instead of being thrown, and you kick it instead of hitting it with a bat. I want Mr. Stark.”

“And unlike in soccer, outfield can catch the ball with their hands,” Bruce said, thoughtfully. “If you’re taking Tony, I want Steve.”

That was smart, Coulson thought. Steve and Tony bickered enough when they were on opposing sides. Putting them on the same side, outside of a combat situation, and they’d end up yelling at each other for days about strategy and battle plans, and other ridiculous things. Fury, Coulson decided, was not punishing the Avengers with this mandatory team building stuff. He was angry with Coulson for reasons Coulson hadn’t discovered yet.

Refereeing the Avengers was like trying to sell portable heaters in hell.

“If you get Cap, then we get the other super-soldier,” Tony said.

“Mr. Stark!” Peter protested. “I’m supposed to pick!”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Fine, go on then, pick. Just pick Bucky.”

(more below the cut)

Peter scowled at Tony. Coulson wasn’t going to admit it was kind of cute. “We need Clint,” he said.

“We do?”

“You need good aim for kickball,” Peter said firmly. “Clint, c’mon.”

“I got good aim, kid,” Bucky protested, looking offended. Really, the two of them were close to matched for rifle, although Clint was better with improvised thrown weapons. Like bottles. And keys. And once, another teammate.

Bruce raised an eyebrow, then, casually, “Then prove it. We’ll take Bucky.”

“Bruce!” Tony protested. “You can’t split me and Bucky up! We’re like peanut butter and jelly! Green eggs and ham!”

“Bonnie and Clyde?” Bruce suggested. “Sorry, Tony. All’s fair in love and kickball.”

Peter eyed the remaining Avengers. “Uh. Natasha?”

“Say it like you mean it, kid,” Tony advised.

“Natasha,” Peter repeated.

Natasha didn’t even bother to get up, doing that thing with her eyebrow and jaw that suggested the lines of battle just got redrawn around her.

Bruce smirked. “Thor.”

“Going for the brawn versus brains this time, I guess,” Clint said.

“Then you’re on the wrong team,” Natasha said.

“Aw, Nat, that was painful. I’m hurt. There might be actual tears.”

“For them,” Natasha said, and she took a sip of her smoothie through a straw before putting it aside and lazily wandering over to Peter’s side.

Peter chewed on his lip.

“We could use another enhanced person,” Natasha suggested.

Peter nodded. “Vision.”

“Oh, sure, you’ll listen to her advice, but not mine?” Tony complained.

“Perhaps if you had structured your advice as such,” Vision said, “rather than simply assuming our captain would take your suggestion.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Tony said. He pointed at Bruce. “Your team is going down, Green Machine.”

“You keep saying that,” Bruce remarked. “And we’ll take Wanda.”

“What is this, split up the couples night?” Rhodes asked. “I’m all for it, you go on with your bad self, Bruce.”

Wanda floated over to join her teammates. She landed daintily on the ground just behind Bucky’s shoulder.

“And we’ll take Colonel Rhodes,” Peter said.

“And I’m last, why’s a brother always last,” Sam muttered, but he went to join Bruce’s team, high fiving it with Steve.

“If I say I want a nice clean game, I don’t suppose any of you will listen, right?”

“Probably not, no,” Natasha commented. “That’s really not, you know, what we do.”

“I don’t even want to know what you do, Agent Romanoff,” Coulson said. “Captains-- try not to kill anyone or break any small cities, you know the drill.” He fished out a coin from his front pocket. “Call it, Mr. Parker.”

Peter didn’t even bother to call it; he flicked his hand out and grabbed the coin right out of the air with a bit of sticky goo, dropping it into Tony’s hand. “Tails, we win.”

“You are a bad influence on a sweet kid,” Coulson chided. He wasn’t sure if he was directing that comment toward Natasha or Tony. It didn’t matter, it applied to both.

“You’re just now figuring this out?” Tony asked. He scooped up the ball and tossed it at Bucky with a challenging smirk. “I assume you’ll be the pitcher. Come on, team, let’s work out our batting order.”

Coulson shook his head a few times and went to stand guard halfway between first and second base. “As always, my word is law, unless you want me to suggest to Fury that we need a full time Avenger watching the Fridge.”

Guard duty was demeaning and boring, except when it wasn’t. None of the Avengers wanted that.

“I’ll kick first,” Rhodey said, patting his leg brace with a smirk. “They always underestimate just how much power you put in these babies.”

“Kick it away from Wanda,” Natasha suggested.

“Or, alternatively, kick it right at her face,” Clint said. “Her magic’s good, but she still flinches when you go for the headshot.”

“Solid strategy,” Tony agreed. “Uh, let’s avoid beaning Bruce. No one needs a repeat of the baseball fiasco.”

“You kick second, Mr. Stark,” Peter said. “Then Hawkeye, Miss Widow, Mr. Vision, and me last?” He glanced around to check and make sure all the adults were onboard with his plan.

In the outfield, Thor had put himself out in the outfield, along with Wanda, while Steve took up position behind home plate, Bucky was pitching, as Tony had suggested, and Sam floated around infield. Unless someone bunted, there wasn’t going to be a lot of work for an infielder, so it was probably just laziness. And Bruce was at the shortstop position.

“All right, Avengers. Play ball,” Coulson hollered. Reminded himself that Tahiti was a magical place and if this ended in his death (again) he wouldn’t be surprised.

As Rhodey had predicted, Bruce’s team pulled in when Rhodey stepped up to the plate. Rhodey was hamming it up, too, limping a little. Tony was hard-pressed to conceal his smirk. He’d have thought Bucky, at least, would have some idea of Rhodey’s power -- Tony bounced most of his upgrade ideas off Bucky -- but no, Bucky actually rolled the ball straight down the center, fair and true, if perhaps with a little more oomph than your average fourth-grader.

It had to be one of those specially reinforced balls, because if Rhodey had kicked something made out of builder grade rubber that hard, it would have exploded on contact. Instead, the ball made a satisfying whoooong noise and sailed nearly straight back to Bucky, but on the left side instead of the right, and about hip level.

Which meant all of Bucky’s blind spots, where his wrist wasn’t quite as flexible.

Rhodey didn’t bother to look, just took off for first base at his somewhat faster than human normal pace; those braces, if he was pushing the capacitors, could carry him along at a brisk thirty miles an hour. Not as fast as a super soldier, but Rhodey’s muscles and skeleton didn’t have the extra reinforcing needed for that kind of speed.

He held at first, since Wanda recovered the ball and zipped it over to Bruce -- she didn’t even throw the damn thing, just used her magic to push it around -- who stood guard over second base.

No one really wanted to be the first person to plow into Bruce.

Tony stepped up to the home plate, scuffing at the dirt and rubber, testing the feel of it, and shot a grin at Bucky. “Gonna treat me right, sugarplum?”

“Yeah, you wish, dollface,” Bucky said, and this time, when he rolled the ball, it did a weird swerve, just at the end of the path. Just like when playing pool, Tony could calculate rate and spin and angles, and as soon as he saw the little wobble in the ball, he knew just which way it was going to curve.

He wasn’t quite Hawkeye -- he couldn’t predict exactly where the ball was going to go after he kicked it, but he managed to kick it, anyway. The ball surprised him by shooting up as much as out, and that was all Tony saw before he took off running.

Rhodey was already clearing second and headed to third when Tony got hit in the lower back by the ball so hard that it almost knocked him off his feet. “Out!” Coulson yelled from the sidelines.

Tony whirled around to see Bucky smirking at him, those pouty lips practically taunting him. “You heard the man, sugarplum. Go siddown.”

“Okay,” Tony said, smiling sweetly. “I’m going to give you that one. Dollface.” He strode back over to his team and dropped onto the bench. “Sonovabitch,” he muttered, “I’m gonna be pissing fucking blood.”

Vision held out one maroon hand over Tony’s back, light. A tingle of heat passed between his skin and the synthoid’s fingers. “Your internal organs appear to be intact,” Vision reassured him, so earnest as he always was.

Hawkeye took his turn, and, as promised, just about put the ball right through Wanda’s head. Rather than catching it, or even blocking it with her magic, she dove to the ground to avoid it, letting it roll unfettered, out into the far end of left field, bringing Rhodey home to score, and Clint to an easy, laughing second-base position.

Natasha stepped up to the plate, no bravado or fuss. Some kind of communication seemed to sizzle in the air between her and Bucky. Tony was too far away to see if Bucky played any tricks with the ball, but Natasha’s kick connected solidly and sent the ball soaring upward, directly over Bruce’s head.

Bruce leaped up to catch it, brushing the ball with his fingertips. Which might have been okay, except that Thor decided to go for the ball as well, and they collided mid-air like twin boulders being smacked together.

“Safe,” Coulson declared, because throwing one’s teammate instead of the ball didn’t count.

Hulk turned around and glared at Coulson for it, who prudently took a step backward.

And while that was going on, Hawkeye stole third. And then home.

Natasha gave them a thumbs up from her position at first base.

Vision should have been an easy run -- his calculation abilities were vastly superior to even Tony’s -- but he seemed too curious about the way the ball moved, or the puffs of dirt that rose up around it, or something, to properly gauge his kick. Three strikes, and then Vision was taking his place on the bench beside Tony.

“Guess we need to work on your hand-eye coordination,” Tony said.

“My hands caused no issues,” Vision said solemnly.

It was probably that Peter was so tiny -- the guy looked like a high school sophomore, and he acted even younger most of the time -- that people were constantly underestimating his strength, but he was stronger than Steve and Bucky put together, could go toe-to-toe with the Hulk, and no one wanted to destroy the planet enough for some friendly fighting between Thor and Spider-Man.

Tony shaded his eyes with his hand, watching the ball disappear somewhere way, way past homerun territory.

Nat didn’t even run. She just strolled around the bases. Tony was almost positive that she was, in fact, doing a classic ballet walk.

“Four to zero,” Coulson announced, “with two outs.”

Tony and Clint took the opportunity to teach Vision some classic trash-talk. And the game went on.

It wasn’t going to be the other team that beat them, Bucky decided, getting up to pitch (well, roll, but whatever), but instead, it was going to be metabolism.

Early on, Steve had tried to call for a snack break, which Tony had point blank refused to allow, arguing that the game went on until all nine innings were played, or the team captain conceded. “You can play a man or two down, if you need a Snickers that bad,” he’d said.

Bucky’s stomach rumbled.

It wasn’t that they couldn’t go long stretches without food, but between Thor, Hulk, Steve, and Bucky, they were all used to a sort of grazing pattern unless it was an emergency. Eight thousand calories a day minimum took time to eat.

Bucky was about ready to eat home plate, if this went on much longer.

They had to fight for every out; the score was ridiculous. Eighty-three to seventy-nine, with Tony’s team coming up to kick. (Not that it was Tony’s team, technically it was Peter’s team, but somehow, it had come down to some challenge of wills between Steve and Tony. Again.)

At least it was the ninth inning.

And going on hour five of the game. For some kindergartener shit, the game had gotten cut-throat.

“Swing batter batter batter,” Steve chanted, squatting in his catching position.

Which really put him a lot closer to Tony’s ass than Bucky felt entirely comfortable with.

Tony took his sweet time getting up to the plate, too, stretching and twisting his spine to loosen up. He even leaned way down to touch his toes, stretching his calves, and if he thought Bucky would buy that it was an accident that the position showed off that glorious ass for Bucky, then he was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Which did not mean that Bucky did not take full advantage of the tactic to ogle his boyfriend’s ass.

Finally, Tony shook out his legs and stepped up to the plate. “All right, let’s stop lollygagging around and play this game!” he announced cheerfully. And then, just as Bucky was winding up to roll the ball, he said, “Winner gets to top!”

Well, that… did not go well. Bucky’s aim was completely off. “Ball,” Coulson called.

“Asshole,” Bucky muttered, and from the brilliant, gleaming smile Tony directed his way, it did not go unheard. Steve threw him the ball back and Bucky wound up to roll again. More like bowling than baseball. Really, a stupid game, all things considered.

This time, at least, Tony didn’t say anything, just waited for the pitch. It was Natasha who piped up with, “Ethiopian for dinner?”

Bucky finished the roll. “Yes, please, I’m fuckin’ starving, her--” Tony’s kick hit him in the chest and he scrambled to catch it, but didn’t quite grab it, a fact he was going to blame on metal-slick fingers and that was his story, he was sticking to it. He floundered, captured the ball, rolled, and… “Safe!”

“Come on, Buck, get your head in the game,” Steve yelled, because of course he did.

Bucky whirled and stomped back to the pitcher’s mound. He got there and popped one shiny metal finger in Steve’s direction, which got hoots and cheers from, well, pretty much everyone. Couldn’t say he was shocked, either.

“If you kick that ball at my face again, Clint, I am going to hurt you,” Wanda threatened from outfield.

He didn’t. Clint fucking bunted it, and then Steve overcompensated his throw, blowing past Tony as he went ‘round second base, headed for third.

Clint was fucking singing, that’s what he was doing, too… some song Bucky’d never heard before. “Around third and headed for home, it’s a brown-eyed handsome man, anyone can understand, the way I feel--” he crooned.

Bucky caught the ball, went to throw it to Steve to get Tony out, at least, but-- where the hell had Steve gone off to?

Tony touched home and did a little dance that involved entirely too much hip-swinging.

Natasha struck out. Thank Christ.

Bucky went to roll again, and-- something cold and wet splattered against his face. What the-- he peered up. It was evening, and the sky had gotten a lot darker, although he’d missed that as the field’s lights had gone on. And cloudy, apparently.

“It’s rainin’,” Bucky reported.

“Kickball,” Clint intoned, “is a simple game. You throw the ball, you kick the ball, you catch the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Sometimes… it rains.”

It started to rain harder. Tony’s tee shirt was sticking to him, obscenely outlining his chest.

“Game called on account of rain,” Coulson said. “Parker’s team wins.”

Steve immediately started to argue that they hadn’t had their last at-base and Coulson held up one hand. “I’m not debating with you, Captain,” he said. “I am calling the game. You lose.”

Ignoring Steve’s ranting, Tony strolled up to Bucky, that smirk on his lips making it clear that he knew exactly what the rain was doing to his clothes. He slid a hand down Bucky’s chest. “Good game, Slugger. Ready to pay up?”

Bucky tugged Tony in for a kiss, hot and wet and dirty. “Play ball,” he said.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Their Hero Academia – Chapter 30: The Sports Festival Part 3: Koharu Kocho – The Mothgirl Prophecies

Presenting the next raw and unedited chapter of my on-going, next-gen, My Hero Academia fic, Their Hero Academia!

Earlier chapters can be found here

Down at the White Team’s end of the field, Koharu Kocho was trying her best not to have a panic attack. She’d made it to the second round of the Sports Festival!  Her dream of being a Hero was actually one step closer… assuming she didn’t mess it up somehow now.  She just needed to get to the third stage, show everyone what she could do…  

She didn’t dare dream of placing.  Not against Hero Course students, not in one-on-one fights like that.  She’d done plenty of training on her own and even with some of her friends, but against some of those Hero Course students…  

No!  She couldn’t think like that.   She had to have more confidence than that!  She wanted a spot in the Hero Course so bad…  Her Moth Quirk was more than good enough.  It had nearly gotten her into the Hero Course to begin with…

There were lots of students in the General Education Courses who didn’t like the Hero Course students. There were even some who hated them. Koharu wasn’t one of those.  If things had gone a little differently, she’d have been one of them.

She’d taken the Entrance Exam.  Her Quirk had many more applications than it looked at first glance—most people incorrectly assumed all she could do was fly—and had even managed to score around twenty points.  But that’s where it had all gone wrong.   She’d been doing well, taking out one and two-pointers with her string shot and wing-scales when she’d heard an ominous bang behind her.

She’d turned just in time to see a gigantic three-pointer being knocked over a girl with metal arms, who she now recognized as the high-score winner of the Entrance Exam, Kana Tetsutetsu.  Momentarily paralyzed with fear, she’d barely been able to keep it from crushing her as it came crashing down.  Even then, she’d gotten smacked by it and had been sent crashing into a wall.  She’d cracked her head and blacked out.  

She’d come to in the Infirmary, after the Exam was over.  She was proud of what she’d scored, but it was well below the threshold of what she’d needed to be admitted to the Hero Course.  But she’d pushed on, applied to the General Education course, and been accepted to that.  It was well known that if you did well enough in the Sports Festival, you might have a chance at getting in to the Hero Course. So that was what she’d planned to do.

And now, she was one step-closer.  Sure, she’d come in thirty-sixth, but that still beat out forty-third.  

Figure Sk8, the science teacher for the Hero and Support courses (the General Education courses had Pro-Heroes for teachers as well, but theirs tended to be older and semi-retired), was handing out strange metal disks.  She stopped in front of Koharu and handed one to her.   “Just place it somewhere on your torso,” she said, flipping a strand of white hair out of her eyes.  “It’ll stick on its own, just press the two buttons.  Just be sure it’s somewhere comfortable.  It won’t come off without a special signal.  Got it?”

Koharu nodded, setting her feathery antenna to bobbing.  She took the disk and placed it on her shoulder, pressing the two buttons.  The device gave a small hum and adhered there easily.  She wondered what it was for.  Probably something to do with whatever this Quirkball was…

Speaking of which, it looked like they were going to explain it.  The crowd was going quiet as Hawkeye called for silence.  Her image was projected on one of the big screens, while another showed points matching up their names and positions in the race. Her large eyes traced their way to her own name.  Thirty-Five points.   Two hundred ten points for the first place finisher, someone from one of the Hero Courses. And only five points for the last place finisher, another Hero Course kid.

Was it bad that she took some small measure of satisfaction in beating out at least a few Hero Course kids? Maybe.  But she should be able to take pride in her accomplishments.  And this certainly was one.

Hawkeye began speaking. “The rules for Quirkball are simple. The area has been split into two halves, the blue half and the white half.  You are can travel anywhere in, under, or above your half, but you are not to cross the center line.  The height limit from the Obstacle Course event for fliers remains in effect.  When the event starts, we’ll be releasing a number of balls into the arena.  You’ll use these, in conjunction with your Quirks and skills, to take out the other competitors.  Each of you has been assigned a number of “life points”, based upon your place in the first event.  If you are hit with a ball, the sensors we have attached to you will record it and deduct five of those life points.  If all your life points have been deducted, then you are eliminated.  The event will continue until only sixteen competitors remain.”

The teacher and Pro-Hero continued, “No deliberate headshots.  If you’re able to catch the ball, then it doesn’t deduct from your score. Boundary lines have been marked on the outside edges of your half; if you cross these deliberately or accidentally, then you’ll be eliminated.  If you’re knocked out of bounds, then you’ll have five seconds to return to bounds or be eliminated.  To insure you keep moving, balls with detonate if held longer than thirty seconds and reduce your points.  Any questions?”

Sheesh, they weren’t fooling around with this, were they?  So… thirty-five points.  She could get hit seven times before she was eliminated.  That wasn’t a great margin for error there.  Especially since her wings made her a big target.  Unlike someone with, say, feathery wings, hers didn’t really up much.   She’d just have to do the best she could.

Hawkeye finished up. “We’ll give you ten minutes to strategize with your team captains, then the event will begin.”

***

“Omigosh!  Your wings are so cute!” Koharu turned to the source of the girlish, giggly voice, finding an empty, animated gym uniform standing next to a pink-skinned boy.  Both were from the Hero course, though, Koharu realized that she’d actually placed higher than the invisible girl.  The invisible girl was bouncing excitedly, while the pink-skinned boy looked rather embarrassed by her.

“Sorry about her,” the boy said.  “But Kimiko said she just had to come see you.”

The invisible gym uniform gave the boy a smack on the arm.  He winced and rubbed the spot.  “Stop it, Takuma!  You make me sound like some creepy stalker!”

“You were talking about how you wanted a t-shirt with that pattern!”

Okay, this was getting a little awkward.  “Uh… thanks?” Koharu tried.  “I’m Koharu Kocho.”

“Takuma Sero,” the pink boy said.

“Kimiko Ojiro,” the invisible girl added.  “Maybe you’ve heard of us?  Seen our webshows?”

Not just Hero students then. Second-generation Hero students. She recognized both of those names, which made their appearances more of a hint.  Koharu shook her head.  “Sorry,” she said.  “I don’t really watch many webshows.”

Both visibly deflated. “Well,” Sero said, “maybe check it out sometimes?  Kimiko’s got a gossip show, my buddy Kenta eats stuff, and I do this thing where I jump off of really tall stuff and save myself with my tape.   Getting lots of views.”

Koharu shrugged, a gesture made more exaggerated by her wings.  “I’ll give it a look,” she said.  It was the polite thing to do, anyway.  Worst thing that could happen was she’d end the video a little ways in.

“Hey!” an angry voice shouted.  “All of you shut up!”  The source of that voice was a short, muscular blonde with spikey hair.  “Sound off! Quirks!  I need to know what we’re working with!”

“You know what our Quirks are!” Sero shouted back.  

The blonde—Kirishima-Bakugo, she realized—shot back with an angry glare.  “Of course I do!” she growled, but pointed at the others gathered around.  “But I don’t know theirs!  And they don’t know yours either!”

Quickly, the White Team rattled off their Quirks, sometimes giving a little more explanation.  There were actually a bunch of really useful ones, her own included!  Between her and Mineta and Koda from Class 1-A, along with Dashi from Class 1-B, they had a pretty good chance of restraining people from the other team long enough for them to be eliminated.  

Finally, a tone sounded, indicating that they had a minute until the event began.

“All right,” Kirishima-Bakugo growled.  “You all know what to do! Do not blow this or I’ll kick your asses!  And if I see any of you going after Izumi Todoroki…”

“Izumi wouldn’t want any special treatment,” the blonde with the weird cords hanging from her ears said.

“Just do it!”

The need to get away from the explosive girl and her argument gave them all speed as they got into position.   And then the balls dropped.

***

“Haaack!”  Koharu spat a blob of sticky silk from her mouth, down towards one of the Blue Team competitors on the other side of the field, an imposingly massive boy with four extra arms coming out of his back.  It impacted against him with a wet-sounding splat, pinning those arms to his side.  With as much force as she could muster, she threw a ball at him, allowing herself a small smile of satisfaction as it impacted against him.  He wasn’t out of the game, but at least she’d scored a hit!

Across both sides of the arena, all manner of Quirks were being put into action.  She saw a blond boy on the Blue team throw a ball just like a professional baseball player.  It sailed across to the other side, smacking into the glowing boy on her team.  She didn’t hear what the thrower said, but the gesture he made looked awfully rude.

The Blue Team’s captain was just as fast as he’d been on during the race.  With one hand on the ground and the other holding a ball, he’d race to the center line and let the ball go, putting all his speed behind it, before zipping back to the far corner.  It flew fast and took the boy from the Hero Course with the spring-legs out of the match.  First full elimination to the other side then.  

There were plenty of other people in the air, not just her.  On her side, there was Tanaka, a girl who flew by engulfing herself in flames like a comet.  On the other, there were two kids, a boy and a girl, flying through some kinds of engines coming out of their backs, a massive humanoid bat, and a green-haired boy who was floating.  The later, she was pretty sure was Deku’s kid.  Not too many other people he could be, with that hair and the gravity thing.

Below, one of the other Blue Team members stretched his body like a sling, then fired off a ball into the air.   Koharu let out a shriek as it nearly hit her, barely dropping from the air in time. Unfortunately, this put her right in the crosshairs for another one, a frail looking girl with white and red hair, who propelled the ball along with a blast of flame.  It smacked into her shoulder, knocking her back.   Looking down, she could see that the counter now displayed on the disk had changed to a thirty.

She could only take five more hits and stay in the game.  She had to be better than this.

Koharu flapped her wings, releasing some of the “scales” there, a cloud of blue-ish purle powder. She could release a lot of different powders with different effects and here she chose a paralytic.  On a turbulent battlefield like this, all her powders carried some risk.  She was immune to them, but others weren’t.  If the wind should change, she might well take out her teammates instead.   At least for the moment, though, she was able to paralyze a couple of the Blue Team closest to the dividing line, a burly centaur and a girl with large antlers.  She quickly grabbed a loose ball throwing it at the girl first. It bounced off hard, striking the centaur too.

“Hii-yaaa!”   A ball came sailing at her at high speed, propelled by the Tetsutetsu girl, her metal arm giving him incredible throwing power. It struck her dead center, knocking her back, and sending her skidding across the ground.  

“Her?” she said. “Again?”  First the Entrance Exam and now here?  It was getting a lot harder not to have hard feelings about the whole thing…

“Hey!” She looked up to see a purple-haired boy offering her a hand up.  “You okay?”

She accepted his help, getting to her feet.  “Getting there,” she said.

“Good!” the boy said. “You’re doing great!  We’ll get you in the Hero Course, I just know it!”

What.  How could he possibly…?  But there was no time for questions as he deflected a barrage of balls with some kind of wall of solids-sound generated by his screaming. Time to get her head back in the game.

***

“This is it, folks!  Seventeen competitors left in the game!  One more person gets eliminated, and then we’re on the Tournament Round! Who’s it gonna be? What do you think, Eraser?”

“I keep telling you, Mic, it’s anyone’s game.  You and I know better than anyone that anything can happen.”

“Are you saying one of your kids is gonna break all their bones again?”

“They’d better not.”

Seventeen left…  nine on the Blue Team and eight on the White. On Koharu’s side were herself, Kirishima-Bakugo (who’d been screaming and yelling and setting off explosions of often she was surprised she wasn’t deaf or hoarse), the girl with the hooves and horns, the pale girl with the fangs, the girl with the traffic light, the cartoon girl, Ojiro, and Sero.  On the other side, there was the zippy Team Captain, the white and red-haired girl, the girl with the wheel, Tetsutetsu, the flying blue-black haired girl, the green-haired floaty kid, the girl with the bird head who’d called up some green glowing creature, a guy with force fields, and the sneering blond boy.  

At least Koharu was still one of them.  She only had five life points left.  A slim, desperate margin.  She had to make sure she wasn’t hit, wasn’t taken out of the game.  

“Hauck!” she spat out another sticky blob of silk, hitting the wheeled girl from the Hero Course and knocking her to the ground, her wheel spinning uselessly.  Koharu groped for a ball…

But in the end, it didn’t matter.  Kirishima-Bakugo let out another feral roar, using an explosion to propel a ball at rapid speed towards the sneering blond.  The blond executed a kick flip that reminded Koharu of something she’d once seen Tailman do in an old video.  The ball went sailing back over the dividing line and smacked hard into Sero, knocking him down to the ground.  He took what looked like a pretty nasty bump to the head too.

“Takuma!” Ojiro cried out, rushing to his side.  “Talk to me! Are you okay?  Speak to me!  How many fingers am I holding up?!”

Sero just started laughing at the question.  “You ever listen to yourself, Kimiko?  I’m fine. I’m just out of points.”

She gave him a smack upside the head before getting to her feet.  “Fine!  See if I care about you again!”

And with that, a tone sounded.  

“And that’s game!” came the voice of Present Mic.  “Forty-Two entered, sixteen left!  Let’s take a look at the scoreboard and see who’s left!  We’ve ranked our competitors by number of life points left!”

Koharu was tired.  It had been maybe fifteen minutes, maybe a little more, but with the obstacle course having been just before that, it had taken a lot out of her.  She’d thought she was in pretty good shape… but maybe she wasn’t.

Then again, it looked like the white and red-haired girl who’d been doing all the fire and ice was leaning pretty heavily on the Blue Team’s captain.  So she wasn’t the only one a little worn out.  She watched for a moment as Kirishima-Bakugo bolted across the field to their side, offering some additional support and shooting the wiry captain a dirty look.   She didn’t have a clue what was going on there.

She turned to look at the big board, pulling some of her blue-purple hair back and out of her eyes.

1)     Kana Tetsutetsu - Points: 110

2)     Asuka Tokoyami - Points: 100

3)     Toshinori Midoriya - Points: 100

4)     Sora Iida - Points: 95

5)     Katsumi Kirishima-Bakugo Points: 90

6)     Izumi Todoroki - Points: 85

7)     Isamu Haimawari - Points: 80

8)     Sasuke Kido - Points: 70

9)     Yui Aoki - Points: 65

10) Kimiko Dashi - Points: 50

11) Mika Mineta - Points: 45

12) Yoru Kan - Points: 30

13) Anime Fukidashi - Points: 15

14) Kimiko Ojiro - Points: 10

15) Koharu Kocho - Points: 5

16) Shiro Monoma - Points: 5

Tied for last with the sneering blond.  Well, it was better than getting knocked out of the running entirely.  Mogura, from her class, and the others from General Education all had.  They’d all had such hopes about making a splash at the Sports Festival.  And she was the only one left.  Did that make her their last, best hope?  Or was she thinking too big, putting too much on herself? Maybe she needed to just focus on getting herself through.

Koharu stared at the board for a moment, putting names to faces.  Monoma.  That was the blond who’d done all those fancy moves.  Moves that looked suspiciously like moves she’d seen Pro-Heroes and athletes use.  Did he have some kind of copying Quirk?  He had that Capture Cloth thing… but if she could stay out of his reach, she was certain she could beat him.  Between her String Shot and her “Scales”, plus simply being able to fly…  

Koharu nodded to herself. She could pull this off.  She could.  Back home, she was sure her parents were watching.  She hoped she could make them proud.  They’d been nothing but supportive when she’d talked about going to U.A., even when she’d settled on this path instead of just going to a different Hero School.  And her grandfather had been even more supportive, saying that he saw big things

Hawkeye walked out onto the field, facing the students.  “We’ll take a one hour break for lunch and then begin the Tournament Round.  If you’re not back in time…  we’ll move on without you.  So if you don’t want to lose your spot, I suggest you get back early.”

“And that’s break time, folks!” Present Mic’s voice sounded out.  “Get yourself some snacks and come back ready for full on Tournament Mayhem!  Who’s going to come out on top in this student battle royale?  It’s still anyone’s game!  I’m gonna go get a hot dog and then be back, ready to rummmmmmmmmmbbbbllllllllllllleeeeeeee!   You want anything, Eraser?”

“Is peace and quiet too much to ask for?”

“I think you know the answer to that!”

As Koharu turned to go inside, someone stopped her.

“Hey.”  She turned and saw Monoma.  “I know we’re going to be fighting, but I just wanted to say good luck. Always good to see someone from Gen Ed take a shot at making it.”

She tilted her head slightly.  “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

He shook his head and raised a hand.  “On my honor, I am not.  A very good family friend once managed to do the same thing you’re trying to do.  And…  well, you’ve seen my Quirk.  I’m not so sure I’d have been able to pass the normal Entrance Exam.”

So, he was Recommendation Student?  That made the whole thing even stranger.  She wasn’t one of those Gen Eds who thought the Hero Students were looking down on them… but she hadn’t expected that much actual sympathy either.

“Ah, thanks,” she said.

“Besides,” Monoma added. “As long as someone unseats some of those Class 1-A kids, I’ll be happy. Even if it isn’t me.”

And that was even stranger. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, looking for an exit from this conversation.

“Good!” he said, clapping his hands together.  “I’ve got a good feeling about you, Kocho.  A good feeling indeed.”

[distant-rose-archive-blog]

Dodgeball

Notes: My best friend in all of the internet and fic soulmate literally had the week from hell and it pains me that she’s just having such a rough time while I’m six hours and an ocean away and can’t do shit about. Anyway, this dumpster fire fic is dedicated to my bestie @welllpthisishappening​ who is my favorite person aside from Dan and deserves all the love and good fortune in the world. This isn’t my best writing, but if it makes her smile, that’s all I care about. Special thanks to @cocoa-and-rum​ for riffling through this nonsense and making it more coherent. Tagging @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt​, @idristardis​, @1handedpiratewithadrinkingprob​, @imhookedonaswan​ because they asked to be tagged in this nonsense and are incredibly supportive. Summary: Killian Jones has been a pain in Emma Swan’s ass since grad school. A game of dodgeball changes that. Rating: T Word Count: 3,100+

Looking back at it, Emma Swan doesn’t know how she ever thought the incident was her fault. In all honestly, it was only a matter of time before she retaliated and he got what he finally deserved.

Killian Jones had been torturing her since kindergarten. When they were six, he had pulled her pigtails. In middle school, he had doused her with water balloons. Now, in their senior year of high school, he had decided the best course of action would be to taunt her during gym class. It didn’t matter whether they played water polo or handball, he would wait for her outside the locker rooms during gym class and taunt her until Coach Teach’s whistle blew ten minutes before the period ended.

Today was no different and as Emma walked out of the girls’ locker room, he was waiting for her; leaning against a row of stacked bleachers with his arms across in front of his chest and that signature lazy smirk spread across his face. He was already dressed in his gym clothes and Emma was doing her best not to look at the snug fit of his athletic shorts.

“Ready to lose, Swan?” Killian asked.

Emma narrowed her eyes at him, lips pursed into a deep frown as she regarded her childhood rival. She unscrewed the cap of her water bottle and began filling it at the neighboring bubbler.

“Not on your life,” she replied. “If anything, I can’t wait to wipe that smug look off your face.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” he chuckled. “You like my face.”

She scoffed, looking down at her water bottle, focusing on it to fight the blush that was threatening to stain her cheeks.

“I don’t know what drugs Jefferson’s been selling but you should reconsider. They’re really messing with your brain if you think there’s anything about you I like,” she replied, still looking at her water bottle.

“Not on drugs, love,” Killian responded, not even remotely phased by her barbs. “You know school policy. Athletes can get randomly tested. Can’t risk that,” he replied, chuckling.

“Right, Captain,” Emma replied, sneering at  his title as she capped her bottle and turned to face him. “I forgot. You’re naturally this stupid.”

“I love how charming and kind you are, Swan,” Killian replied, his blue eyes dancing mischievously. “You’re just full of love and kind words.”

Emma snorted.

“Yeah, and you’re full of shit.”

Unwilling to give him another moment of her time, Emma pushed past him, shoulder bumping roughly against his. She immediately went to join her friends on the bleachers, teeth grinding and fists clenched. Regina, Ruby, and Mary-Margaret were all sitting near the top, waiting for her as they always did. The latter two were chatting away while Regina was pushing back her cuticles with her thumb nail. As Emma stomped up the metal stairs, they all turned to look at her, taking in her dark mood. Regina looked up arched a perfect thin eyebrow at her. “Boyfriend teasing you again?” she asked dryly.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Emma hissed.

“Right,” Regina said with an unimpressed snort, turning her attention back to her nail care.

“He’s not,” Emma reiterated.

“Bullshit,” Ruby coughed into her fist.

Both Mary-Margaret and Emma glared at her but before Emma could make the Brutus complaint she was dying to make, Regina spoke again.

“You’re doing as excellent of a job convincing us as you are yourself.”

“There’s nothing to convince! He’s an idiot and he’s super annoying!” Emma replied with a huff.

“Two words,” Regina said with a small smirk. “Sexual. Tension.”

“Sexual tension? For real, that’s what you’re going with? You’re saying we have sexual tension?” Emma scoffed, placing her hands on her hips.

“In spades,” Regina replied with a snort. ”If anyone else pulled the crap that Jones pulled with you, you would have had your foot so far up their ass that they would be throwing it up. But no, not Jones. You let Mr. Baseball Captain pull your pigtails like you’re still in second grade. It’s honestly nauseating how obvious you both are. Big money says that you’ll hook up come graduation. Smart money says it will happen before Christmas vacation.”

“Are you kidding me!?” Emma exclaimed in disbelief. “There’s actual money down on this!?”

Before she could get her answer, Coach Teach’s whistle blew and they were all called to attention.

“Alright, listen up!” Coach Teach called, voice booming loudly and echoing off the walls of the gym. “Today is dodgeball day. Now, you all aren’t morons. You know the rules. One team to each side, no crossing over the line, whoever gets hit is out, if someone catches your ball, you’re out. And no headshots, you punks.”

“Honestly, his professionalism is astounding,” Regina drawled, rolling her eyes.

Emma and Ruby snickered in agreement. Mary-Margaret elbowed her in the ribs, giving her a look of disapproval. Regina just rolled her eyes in response.

“Today, we’re going to make it interesting though,” Coach Teach with a smirk. “Today, punks, we’re playing boys versus girls. Guys versus gals. Chicks versus dicks. However, you losers want to call it. Girls on one side, guys on the other.”

Emma groaned, head smashing against Regina’s shoulder as their classmates murmured excitedly, noise resounding through the room like the busy buzzing of bees. Already Emma could hear the snickering and jeering of the boys in the class and the nervous sighs of the less athletically inclined girls in the class.

“God help the boys,” Teach chuckled. “Now, come on, lazy bones, let’s line up.”

“What are you gonna give me when my team wins, Swan?” Killian called over to her as the class descended onto the court from the bleachers.

“A kick in the teeth,” Emma shot back with a sardonic smile.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught Regina mouthing “sexual tension” to Ruby and all joy she felt at getting an upper hand on Killian faded into annoyance. She flicked Regina’s arm.

“Seriously?” she snapped.

“Christmas vacation, Emma, Christmas vacation.”

They lined up on the boundary lines at each end of the gym. Emma took a runner’s position between Ruby and Mary-Margaret, ready to spring into action and kick some ass. Her combined annoyance at Regina and Killian would serve her well in the match and she couldn’t wait to knock some people out.

On the other side of the gym, Killian took a similar position, leaning forward and catching Emma’s eye. He sent her a wink and if she wasn’t in school, she would return with an Italian good will gesture of her own.

“At the whistle and not before, brats,” Teach shouted, taking position at the half court line and eying both sides reproachfully. “Three…two….one…”

The whistle blew and Emma pushed herself forward, sprinting as fast as she could towards the line of balls at half court. She grabbed a ball and immediately propelled herself back in order to get out of the line of fire. She had learned from her first dodgeball session that staying close to the half court line was a terrible idea.

There was something about sports that made Emma’s brain shut out the rest of the world and focus on the objective in front of her. The objective for this game was simple: search and destroy.

Her first victim was Victor Whale, a smart ass from her chemistry class. She hit the jerk straight in the shoulder, but she didn’t allow herself the satisfaction of first bloo; she immediately reached for a neighboring ball and pegged William Smee in the back as he was reaching to pick up a stray ball.

When she reached for another ball, a loud whizzing noise and a gust of air brushed against her as another rubber sailed dangerously close to her ear. Startled, she forgot about the ball and straightened up to look for the source of the throw.

Killian Jones smirked at her. “Nearly got you there, Swan!” he teased.

It was in that moment that Emma Swan had a new objective. She wasn’t just going to seek and destroy, she was going to seek and destroy Killian Jones. She immediately grabbed neighboring ball and hurled it as hard as she could.

She missed him by a mile.

“Seriously, Swan?” Killian laughed. “And here, I thought you were a varsity softball pitcher!”

His mocking smile made her see red. She picked up another ball, gritting her teeth at him.

In the movies, this would have been the stereotypical dramatic scene where everything slowed down and all sounds distorted in some strange effect to make the audience realize that something pivotal was about to happen.

Except this wasn’t a movie. No, this was real life and everything happened faster than Emma could really think about.

She threw the ball at Killian with the same intensity that she had thrown a softball when she played outfield in junior high, imaging her arm as a whip rather than a hammer just as her coach had taught her. She could still hear Coach Fisher murmuring in her ear, reminding her that speed didn’t come from just throwing it hard.

The ball went hurtling towards Killian and he raised his hands to catch, but his reflexes weren’t nearly as fast as everyone thought. The ball flew through his fingers and smashed into his face.

In the movies, there would have been a sickening thud; in real life there was, but it didn’t come when the rubber connected with Killian’s face. Instead, it happened when the back of Killian’s head collided with the hardwood floor.

Emma had always thought that seeing Killian Jones in pain would give her sick satisfaction, but theory didn’t match reality. Emma didn’t feel joy at seeing Killian on the ground, cradling his head in pain. She only felt horror and guilt.

Emma didn’t think. She immediately crossed the half court line and knelt at Killian’s side, trying to assess the damage. He winced when he looked up at her.

“You pack a lot of power, Swan,” he said weakly, rubbing the back of his head.

“Shut up,” she replied, helping him into a sitting position. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just a bump on the head, love,” he assured her with a weak grin. “No need to worry about me, I’m a survivor.”

“Swan! What did I say about hitting people in the face!?” Coach Teach huffed, looking between her and Killian with a look of disapproval. “And about crossing over the line?”

“I know! I’m sorry, Coach, it was an accident!” she replied weakly.

Coach Teach snorted, eying her as if he didn’t believe her. Emma didn’t necessarily blame him. There were no other words to describe her relationship with Killian Jones beside acrimonious.

“Look, he might have a concussion”-

“I don’t have a concussion, Swan,” Killian cut off, sounding somewhat annoyed.

Emma glared at him. “You could!” she hissed. “You smacked your head pretty hard and your eyes are kinda dilated.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted.

“Alright, I’m done with this old married couple routine you guys have perfected,” Teach stated bluntly with a roll of his eyes. “Swan, you’re out of the game anyway so just take Jones to see Nurse Ratched and have this over with.”

Emma gave the gym teacher an uneasy smile as she helped Killian to his feet. He tried to brush her but Emma remained firm in her attentions, forcing him to lean against her. He let out a frustrated sigh.

“You’re pretty insistent on being my nursemaid, aren’t you Swan?”

“Look, I lost my cool and I don’t want to be an asshole, so it would be great if you didn’t make this more difficult than it has to be,” Emma responded tersely as she led him out of the gymnasium.

The first five minutes of the trip to the nurse’s office was quiet, but Emma knew it was only a matter of time before that peace was disturbed. She wasn’t the least bit surprised when Killian opened his mouth.

“If you wanted to get me alone, Swan, there were better ways to do,” he announced with a weak chuckle.

“You’re a pig, Killian Jones,” she stated, letting out a huff.

“And you’re wonderful, Emma Swan.”

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere,” she remarked sharply.

“Wasn’t trying to flatter you, Swan,” Killian said with a small smile. “Just spitting the truth.”

Emma shifted uncomfortably at his words, not knowing how to respond so she decided not to say anything. Mercifully, Killian let the discussion drop and they made it to Nurse Ratched’s office in relative silence.

Nurse Ratched, naturally, was not happy to see them.

“What’s wrong with him?” she asked bluntly, gesturing to Killian.

Emma was almost taken back by her lack of tack or bedside manner. “I’m pretty sure he has a concussion,” she said hesitantly.

Nurse Ratched huffed impatiently.

“I have a food poisoning crisis down the hall, so I honestly don’t have time for this,” she said, once more gesturing to Killian. “Look, I will examine him when I get back from dealing with puking children, but for now, what I need is for you to stay with him and make sure he doesn’t fall asleep. The last thing I need is a kid in a coma.”

“But I have to get back to class!” Emma protested.

“Are you seriously complaining about not being in class right now?” Nurse Ratched asked in disbelief. “You should be thanking me on your hands and knees. Look, you brought him to me. He’s your problem until I come back, got it?”

“Got it,” Emma mumbled.

Nurse Ratched merely shook her head, mumbling something about “ungrateful students” as she walked past them. Emma and Killian watched her leave incredulously before sharing a look and an awkward laugh.

“Sorry you’re stuck with me, Swan,” Killian said after a moment, scratching the back of his ear.

Emma shrugged, not knowing how else to react.

“It’s not your fault,” she mumbled. “It’s actually mine. I shouldn’t have thrown the ball that hard at your face. So, yeah...sorry about that.”

Killian mimicked her small awkward shrug.

“Eh, I should have caught it. I mean, what kind of baseball player am I?” Killian replied with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Well, from what I hear, you’re more known for your batting average and your base stealing skills than you are for your glove,” Emma mumbled.

Killian blinked, staring at her owlishly. “Was that a compliment?” he asked in disbelief.

“No! Just facts,” Emma replied defensively. “Sure, you can be a real jerk face sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a relatively decent player.”

Killian just laughed, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe a word that was coming out of her mouth. Emma looked away, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. After a moment, Killian spoke again.

“You know I only tease you because I know you can handle it, right?”

“Oh? Is that why you do it?” Emma asked sarcastically.

“Yeah, actually,” Killian smirked. “Believe or not, I kinda fancy you when you’re yelling at me.”

“You’re so weird,” she said, shaking her head.

“And you’re so...beautiful. Really no other way around it, you’re beautiful,” he replied, looking her with more sincerity than she was capable of handling at the moment.

“Stop doing that,” she replied, looking away.

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking at me like that,” she replied, gesturing to his face vaguely.

“Stop looking at you like what?” he questioned.

“Stop looking at me like you actually mean that,” she replied with a roll of her eyes.

“But I do,” he insisted. “I mean, I wouldn’t bother with you otherwise. Come on, Swan, do you really think I would give you the time of day if I didn’t think you were worth it?”

Emma just shook her head, focusing all of her attention on the ridiculous and completely outdated poster hanging on the wall that proclaimed the dangers of herpes.

“You know you owe me now…since you pegged me and totally rattled my brain,” Killian said after a moment.

“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“You could make it better,” he said with a smirk.

“And how am I supposed to do that?” Emma rolled her eyes.

“You should kiss it better? Kisses have magical healing properties, you know,” he said with a grin.

She gaped at him.

“You’re full of shit.”

“God’s honest truth. It’s well documented.”

“Oh yeah? According to what medical journal?” she challenged.

“Well, it’s not in a medical journal, but it is well documented. Just ask Cinderella and the Disney crew. Kisses are magical and have medicinal properties. I mean, they stop people from dying and all.”

“And let me guess, if I kiss you, you’ll suddenly be all better, and maybe turn from being frog-lipped into actually decent human being or even a prince?” she asked with a sarcastic smile.

“I would say I’m wonderfully prince-like already, but you never know until you find out. Go on, Swan, kiss it better,” he said with a grin.

Against her better judgement, Emma let out a huff and grabbed the sides of his face, pulled him roughly forward and quickly kissed the back of his head. Killian blinked for a moment, but when he finally registered what she did, he laughed. It was a nice laugh and Emma cracked a tiny smile at the sound of it.

“That’s not where it hurts, Swan,” he said, shaking his head.

“Bullshit! That’s where you hit your head!” Emma argued.

“Yeah, but it’s not where it hurts,” Killian replied, eyes burning with humor. He then tapped his lips and smirked at her. “That’s where it hurts.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re full of shit.”

“God’s honest truth,” he said with a sly smile.

“You’re a liar, Killian Jones,” she said with a shake of her head before giving him a slyn grin of her own. “Besides you couldn’t handle it.”

“Perhaps, you’re the one couldn’t handle it,” Killian replied back, still smirking.

If anyone asked her why she did what she did, Emma would argue that he challenged her to do it and she was not one to back down from a challenge. If anything, Emma Swan met every challenge she was given head on without fear or blinking.

On top of that, Emma Swan was tired of Killian Jones smirking at her and since she didn’t get any satisfaction from hitting him in the face with a standard issue rubber dodgeball, she decided to try a new tactic.

Once more, she roughly grabbed him by his cheeks and jerked him forward. This time, instead of landing on the back of his head, her lips landed on his.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, was how Emma Swan and Killian Jones got detention from Nurse Ratched for displaying inappropriate displays of affection in public.

[whatnotmemes]

--------------------------------Chris Fleming ‘Car Rants’ Sentence Starters some may be nsfw or triggering. change pronouns as needed.

Adventure Dad “It is such a turn off to see a family have scheduled fun.” “Witnessing an adventure family in the throes of an outdoor activity makes me want to put myself in a pelican’s mouth and tell him ‘Just drive.’” “The smile of a father with three sons- all of whom snowboard- is so confrontational, it reads as indecent exposure.” “Connecticut is like the high-schooler wrestling with whether or not he can pull off a baseball cap.” “You know that kind of ‘I’m gonna go through a shoplifting phase and get away with it’ shade of blonde.” “You’re looking at me like a greeter at the Apple store.”

The Majesty of Homophobes (& Makeup Tutorials) “The thing I’ve always admired about townie homophobes is how effortlessly they hold a beer can.” “This is the kind of body you look at and you’re like ‘he’d probably be okay in space without a space suit.’” “I almost envy that beer can- to be held like that.” “That’s the next Pixar movie right there. The story of one homophobe with the cards stacked against him on a journey to prove that he is just as backwards thinking and emotionally repressed as his crew.” “She’s one of those girls who looks like she might be lip gloss disguised as a person.” “I happen to have really big pores. As you can see, I have two really big pores here at the bottom of my nose.” “They call me Popcorn _____; I don’t know why. I know why. I eat all the popcorn.” “What I love about this eyeshadow is it says ‘the only song I’ve ever heard is Pour Some Sugar On Me and I’m not sure where Seattle is.’” “This is a great blush if you’re serious about robbing a TGI Fridays.”

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Proposes on Christmas Eve “This may seem harsh, but he needs to be treated like the night lizard that he is.” “It’s a partnership. You think Ben snuck up on Jerry one day with a waffle cone and took a knee?” “For a guy who thinks that musicals are ‘kinda gay,’ you’re behaving a lot like the kind of guy that Rogers and Hammerstein would dream up while sixty-nining on a piano.” “Nothing gives me the heebies and the jeebies like when the boyfriend consults the parents before he consults her.” “Unless you rode out of your mother’s uterus on a BMX bike, popping a wheelie, there is no excuse to be named Zach.” “Quiche is just pizza that went to private school.” “The Boston Globe should be written in size 72 comic sans. You get more information by reading the cover of Cat Fancy.”

Theater Kids “Theater kids keep to themselves for most of the year- giving each other back rubs in black box theaters or three-way kissing at cast parties in Chinese buffets- but every so often, when Broadway goes Hollywood, they will descend upon Regal Cinemas like locusts in jazz flats.” “If you ever see a theater girl in a sling, just know that it was a Frozen soundtrack related fender bender.” “It’s like Minotaur; you don’t wanna make it mad but you certainly don’t wanna turn it on.” “Enlisting your facebook friends to help you choose your headshots is on the same moral level as taking people and keeping them prisoner in your house for fifteen years.”

Jimmy Buffett “Everyone thinks the biggest threat to America right now is ISIS, North Korea, global warming. Nope, it’s Jimmy Buffett.” “On the eve of your fiftieth birthday, Jimmy Buffett slides down your chimney and tries to convince you to throw in the towel.” “Let’s get fat tonight. Shit out your dreams in a TGI Friday’s.” “Get in a fistfight with your son at an Applebee’s. When the waitress breaks it up, plant one on her cheek and complain about the president.” “Quit your day job and help me throw chicken nuggets at my neighbor’s fruity son.” “Every day is a vacation when you are a huge fuck up.” “I used to have dreams and hopes and ambitions, and now look at me. I’m at a poolside bar and I couldn’t name a book if I had to.”

D Batteries “Anything that requires D batteries needs to get over itself.” “Here is a list of things that would make sense to power using a D battery: a mini cooper, a small plane, Bjork, a Carnival cruise ship, a fucking lighthouse, Disneyworld.” “I would have bought neither and saved the money for a cruise where I can get close enough to suck on the coral reef and tell a platypus my secrets.” “I need to you to make it near a popsicle because I want that summertime vibe because I miss summer and I miss my girls.” “Everyone talks about how great the working conditions are at Google but no one will go into specifics. What does that mean? One word: Pokemon. They’ve bred Pokemon.” “Wait until Diglett realizes he doesn’t have a mouth. Then you’re gonna have to call up Laura Dern and Dennis Nedry ‘cause you’re gonna be in a whole world of bullshit.”

Halloween Candy Countdown “What kind of a prude eats a Crunch bar? You might as well just eat toast.” “Charleston Chews should be sold at Home Depot in the lumber section.” “This is a candy that predates women’s suffrage and it tastes like it.” “I feel like Area 51 is just 3 Muskateers headquarters and it’s where they keep their filling.”

Blocking Your Ears in Public “I’m talking about the kind of guy you’d see at a Home Depot kneeling down in the lumber section, just praying that his son’s not bi.” “She is in the eighth ring of Dante’s Inferno where you have to jack off a Minotaur while eating a jalapeno.” “I firmly believe that president Michelle Obama and first lady Joe Biden should send them to Epcot center to live and die on the teacup ride.” “You can’t name yourself The Edge, especially when you look like a shut in trying to muster up the courage to go to a little league game.”

Baby Got Back brings out the worst in people “Does everyone think that they’re the only person who knows all the lyrics to Baby Got Back?” “Look, I’m happy that you know all the lyrics but please don’t scream them into my cheeks.” “The pride and rage that these people are feeling; it’s a real cole slaw of emotions.” “I’m just alone on the dance floor. I’m in the middle of what, to a non-English speaker must look like a prison riot.” “Everyone’s looking at me like I’m at an Eyes Wide Shut party uninvited.”

Purple Cauliflower “Barney’s stuck under the veggies and only his pubes are showing." “We gotta get Barney out of here! Let’s not make Baby Bop a widow tonight!” “We’re gonna have to make Grimace breed with a cauliflower.” “This is not a veggie. This is an STI that Tinky Winky picked up in a jacuzzi.”

NYU “Oh my god, NYU? Lena Dunham’s crabs went there.” “If only we could find a way, as a nation, to harness the power of the erections that NYU students have about going to NYU.” “NYU is just girls in fedoras trying to get addicted to cigarettes.” “Whenever anyone gets to the end of those Buzzfeed quizzes, their laptop camera should just miraculously turn on, forcing them to confront that haunting, pasty image of themselves.” “Why do I look like an owl prostitute?” “I am thrilled to announce that I have a five year unpaid internship changing Marina Abramovic’s diaper.”

Bread Bowl “Panera is just McDonald’s that studied abroad in France and came back wearing a beret and cigarette jeans, thinking it’s the shit because it got fingered by a mime.” “Was nobody gonna tell me that a bread bowl is just a Trojan horse for soup?” “Who owns Panera? Ashton Kunis?” “I need to see an angry movie. I need to watch Hercules, I’m so mad right now.” “Somebody call Wayne Brady ‘cause I’m gonna die tonight! I don’t know why I brought Wayne Brady into it but I did.” “Ben Folds’ music is just him screaming people’s names, banging his elbows against a baby grand.” “I love to get post traumatic stress during my lunch.” “Somebody send me into space because I can’t be a part of this world anymore. It’s getting too embarrassing.” “If I wanted to be publicly humiliated, I would stand outside Macy’s and announce that my husband doesn’t have a happy trail but that my daughter does.”

[saturdaynightgaming]

Paul “SHIELD” Corentin

My name is Paul Corentin, and my life has been a series of discoveries. When I was 12 my friend and I had the brilliant idea to show off our knife throwing skills by attempting to impale an apple resting on my head. We even taped it for Youtube. Thankfully, I must have an exceptionally thick head, because somehow the knife tip just bounced off my forehead.

We posted it, but no one believed it. People tried to point out where the green screen was. No matter what we said, no one believed us. This led to the second discovery, it’s not just my head that’s hard.

My friend Donny Corven was trying to convince a guy at our school that the video was real. The guy was one of the meanest bullies at our school though. The bully, Jeff, started smacking him around, I couldn’t let that happen. So I surprised Jeff with a push.

Obviously, Jeff didn’t take that well. I wasn’t a fighter at the time, Jeff was. Donny actually knew how to fight because of his dad, but Jeff was double our size. Jeff hit me with a right cross and a hit to the gut. This was the second discovery. I took the blows but barely felt them.

I didn’t even double over. That ticked Jeff off and he spent 10 minutes pounding on me to no avail. I tried to fight back, but he swatted my attacks away like I was a fly. Donny didn’t fare as well. He landed a few good blows, but Jeff laid him out rather quickly.

That’s what hurt me, my friend getting hurt and I was powerless to stop it. A teacher finally broke up the fight and sent Jeff and me to the principal's office. Donny was taken to the nurse. The principal gave us a choice, take licks, or get suspended.

I’d never seen Jeff so worried, and for good reason. If he got another suspension, he would be expelled for the year, and have to repeat the eighth grade. The flip side of that was that our principal used to be the baseball coach. He was known for having a powerful swing with a bat and a paddle.

Jeff tearfully accepted the paddle, the suspension wouldn’t have hurt me that much, but I was actually curious how tough I was. Jeff screamed and cried with every strike. I laughed and stared at him with what felt like a strong thumping. I could see the burning hate building up in his eyes.

I decided at that point, that I was going to learn to fight, so that people like Jeff would be the one on the ground next time, instead of Donny.

I immediately found Donny and asked if his dad could teach me to fight. His dad was happy to, but also droned on and on about the whole you shouldn’t fight unless you absolutely have to shtick.

We trained together every day after school. We were taught to box first. Donny was definitely the better fighter, he had had many more years of experience with his dad. But I typically won, simply because he couldn’t hurt me. I took headshot after headshot and never once got woozy. I simply waited until he ran out of stamina and let his guard down.

The next discovery was on Donny’s part. He refuses to tell me the entire story, but something happened when he and his dad went to a boxing match out of town. Donny came back, his dad didn’t. After that, Donny didn’t want to spar anymore, and he got distant for a while.

I refused to stop learning though. I started cutting lawns to earn enough money to take karate, self-defense, judo, Akito, and whatever other fighting classes I could find. I even got on the sparring team at our school. I was undefeated.

On the night of a competition, a shady guy asked if I wanted to make some extra money with my skills. I said sure, and he gave me an address. It was an abandoned warehouse where an underground fight club was happening. The only rules here were no weapons and don’t kill anyone. This was the first time I felt pain, but my opponents felt much more.

I fought every Friday night and left with $500 bucks every time. After a year of this, I was undefeated. One night a group of guys who had lost a lot of money betting on my fights had enough. They jumped me with bats and knives in the parking lot.

I didn’t get out of there unscathed, but they were much worse off than I was. I had some bruises and a couple of minor cuts. They had broken bones, concussions, and a fair amount of blood loss. I stopped feeling sympathy for my opponents after that night. And I had an even great hatred of bullies.

I started looking for bullies at school. I would catch one beating up classmates and show them the error of their ways. I would step up do a massive amount of damage, and then get out of there before anyone saw. After three months of this, the school finally installed cameras to catch me.

That was actually really beneficial at first. It even made the bullies stop, at least while they were on school property. They moved their activities off grounds, and so did I. I became the bully of bullies.

After high school, I started fighting nightly. I told my parents that I got a night shift job so that they wouldn’t worry. During the day I would sleep and train, at night I would beat the mess out of people.

I ended up being a victim of my own success though. No one would bet against me, and the pool of fighters that would test me shrank. The organizers started scheduling me for one night a week when they would have the best fighter go up against me. When that got boring to the crowds, they started sending me up against two and three guys at a time.

I decided to walk away when they wanted me to fight several feral dogs at once. My pay had gotten pathetic too. They offered me a job shaking people down for their lost bets, but I said no. I thought about going to college, but no degree brought the same kind of thrill as fighting in the ring.

I briefly entertained the idea of becoming a masked superhero like the ones that started appearing around the world. But that wouldn’t pay the bills, and I was afraid to test if I was bulletproof as well.

By luck or fate or whatever, I happened across news that Donny was opening up an MMA gym. That was a style of fighting that I hadn’t gotten to try yet. I swung by the gym and started talking to him. It was weird, it was like we picked right back up where we left off.

As luck would have it he was looking for someone to teach some alternate classes. The main focus of the gym was MMA, but he thought to diversify with other styles of fighting would bring in more business.

As an added bonus, he offered to teach me how to fight MMA. I jumped on that opportunity, and almost regretted it after a week. First of all, I had to relearn to fight legitimately. When I was fighting illegally, any kind of dirty trick you could imagine was fair game.

On top of that my form was sloppy because it had never really mattered that much if I got hit. It still didn’t really, but if I was going to take Donny’s class, he demanded that we do it right. The other challenge came from the strength training he put me through.

I was typically content with the strength I gained through my constant fighting, but Donny showed me a more rounded approach. I could barely walk after most of these workouts. But after three months, I was hitting harder, moving faster, and no one could break my grapples.

In the midst of all of this, I noticed that Donny refused to spar or touch anyone. He also wore gloves and long sleeves even in the summer. I asked him about it once, and he shrugged the question off with a joke about not wanting to get our sweat on his skin.

I found out the truth a few months after I started competing professionally with the gym as my sponsor. I had had a successful career all the way up until my next match was with Jeff, the bully from high school. His family moved away before I ever got my revenge on him.

I had also heard stories that he liked to break the rules in the ring. He kept pounding his opponents long after they were out. There were also rumors that he had attacked a few of the fighters, in the parking lot, that he had lost to in the ring. There was a laundry list of other grievances that told me that he had never changed.

I saw myself as his reckoning. In the ring, I beat him handily. The only problem was that I kept beating him on the ground. The ref tried to pull me off, and I knocked him out before continuing to hit Jeff. He begged for mercy, and I kept pounding on him.

I saw red, and he was the totem for every bully I had ever dealt with in my life. I probably would have killed him, but then I felt a cold hand touch my cheek. My body went cold and I felt the strength drain out of me. My vision went black even before I hit the ground.

When I woke up Donny was there. He explained that Jeff was in a coma, and it took a lot of fast talking to keep the police from arresting me. I had been banned from competing for a year though.

In my mind, the damage I inflicted was worth it though. But then Donny started speaking to me about my pent up rage. He knew things about me that I tried not to even admit to myself. Then he helped me to understand that people are more than just the bad things they do.

By the end of our conversation, I was weeping. I had been fighting everyone for so long. I let my soul get as tough as my skin. I believed in justice so strongly, that I had abandoned mercy. I needed a balance of both.

Then a voice spoke out of the shadows of the room and said, “That’s good to hear because I really hate having to arrest mutants when their abilities can be put to much better use.”

I was actually the only one to jump in surprise. Donny explained, “This is Agent Thompson with SHIELD. There is a lot that we need to get you caught up on.”

They proceeded to explain mutants and Donny’s powers to me. Donny had been working for S.H.I.E.L.D for years now. S.H.I.E.L.D had also been keeping an eye on me for nearly just as long. They wanted Donny to focus me before they considered recruiting.

I didn’t believe them at first, then I joked about the stupidity of the idea of us being superheroes. Running around in spandex fighting crime. They said that they were recruiting me to be a special agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, not a superhero.

I don’t know why I said yes, I just felt I needed to, and so I did. That was when I went through the hardest training of my life. Paperwork and laws.

Written by: Sean Halldorson

Image Credit: https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-look-like-a-tough-guy

[healthfreakfood-blog1]

Firefox Review 2017

Free CSGO keys and cases

You talk about sound or digital image, sound is never pleasurable. What has worked before - and works again here - is these adjustments never bump up against the franchise's key element: the easy culture of good versus evil. It's terrorists versus counter-terrorists, and that is it. Which simpleness to the method counter strike review that modern multiplayer shooters have recoiled from. Today, it's all about progression of the average person player, which often pushes them away from what should be considered a team-oriented experience. Counter-Strike has always nailed the team dynamic, because going it by itself is a much riskier proposition when a single spawn is within the balance.

The first thing players will notice about CS: GO is how beautiful the overall game looks. Counter-Strike is definitely known as a series that has valued material over style, but Valve has been more than pleased to usher CS: Go in to the modern period with breathtaking visuals. Fans will be delighted to see a common maps reworked with a brand new and lively color pallet. The lights are particularly well crafted as the comprehensive shadows add another level of depth to numerous of the video games iconic level designs. The brand new designs aren't all display either, many old maps of the series like Aztec and Dust come back with a new design targeted at offering players a far more well balanced competitive experience. While CS:GO might not support the same over-the-top special effects that other FPS behemoths like Call of Duty and Battlefield are known for, the improvements still end up being more than visible and further entice players to get enthralled in the addicting gameplay.

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Multiplayer mode is similar to all the other battlefield games, it's really fun and addictive, in battlefield 1 you could have up to 64 players on one map and they recommend you to join a squad because not joining a squad will make the game a lot more difficult. There are counter strike review many multiplayer modes such as Conquest, Domination, Operations, Hurry, Team Deathmatch, and War Pigeons, where players must secure war pigeons and utilize them to require a counter strike to earn the circular. In battlefield 1 you also have old looking weapons such

This situation is minimal popular of the three in support of an individual map, Oilrig , is featured in the latest release of the overall game. In this situation an individual player on the Counter-Terrorist team takes the role of a VIP that must make it to a VIP escape area Some maps feature only 1 escape zone while others feature multiple escape areas. The Terrorists have to obtain the VIP and effectively removing the VIP will produce victory to the Terrorists. Both teams have a limited arsenal of weapons available for purchase. Like in other situations, victory may also be attained by removing the opposing team.

15 Awesome Blogs To Follow About Counter Strike

Danish is upset with Panchi's father trying to help him as he wants to stand by himself on his merits. Danish gets a job with the Raichand's. Kabir proposes to Piya at Misha's PARTY and Piya accepts to be his girlfriend. The Raichand's who were in the Party find the book 'The Living Deceased' in Arnab's assortment of uncommon books. The publication is thrown to the fire to be demolished but it does not burn completely. Piya who discovers about her room mates pregnancy suspects Abhay to be the father of the child. Panchi drives Piya, Danish and Kabir following the Party as Danish and Kabir were drunk. However the car reduces in the forest where Piya sees Mr.Raichand in weird attire in the forest. Later, Mrs.Raichand tells Abhay that Piya might have doubts about them which he has to do something to stop her from growing rumors. Abhay promises to take care of Piya.

Valve attemptedto update Counter Strike once before with CS:Source. It was incredibly popular, but also inconsistent - lots of the intricate details crucial to competitive play were lost in translation, signifying many players trapped with the older game rather than learn new recoil patterns and grenade physics. This latest iteration looks to steer clear of the pitfalls of days gone by, combining the graphics of an updated Source engine with the fine tuning and precision of the initial 1.6 release.

Long time players will want to jump straight into Classic Competitive setting, which essentially brings back again Counter-Strike with all the trimmings: a single bullet can destroy, you're accountable for buying all your equipment - including armour and grenades - and friendly fireplace is on with five players per aspect. But for individuals who find this mode intimidating, additionally, there is Casual mode counter strike review, which removes friendly fireplace and reduces the usually fatal harm of headshots to provide as a far more forgiving launch to the first-time player. Teams, however, aren't restricted to just five players here, so an early death can sometimes mean waiting around almost a complete round as the final living players shuffle around endeavoring to shoot one another in the face.

The favourite of 14 year-old kids, the nightmare of their mothers and the modern Antichrist in press. This game is full of violence, and the player can practically do anything he desires. Stealing vehicles, flying planes and helicopters, generating boats or just robbing people by using counter strike a baseball bat - you are able to do many of these in GTA 3. The independence is real, the atmosphere is familiar from gangster films and hip-hop video clips. I believe seventh place in the set of top 10 pc video games is deserved and needed. Teenager boys love it. Player models for the Counter-Strike Beta had been created by Minh Le , but also for the full release Valve Software stepped in to provide new player models because the old models were inefficient in terms of polygon count and texture sizes. 8 These models were created by Chuck Jones and Stephen Theodore. 41 42 In Counter-Strike 1.1 these models were enhanced with higher resolution textures and the C4 and the defusal package were re-added to the player models.

[symbianosgames]

Nearly two decades after Blizzard released its sci-fi real-time strategy game StarCraft, the game is still being played at a professional level.

Why? What is it about this game that gives it such enduring appeal?

That's basically what Blizzard senior producer Pete Stilwell has spent countless hours trying to understand as part of his work leading development of StarCraft Remastered, the revamped 4K version of StarCraft that's coming out this summer.

As part of a larger conversation about the state of RTS game design and where the industry is headed, Stilwell recently sat down with Gamasutra to chat about what he's learned while rooting around in the guts of one of the most popular RTS games ever made.

We got into a lot of nuts-and-bolts talk about what makes a competitive game timeless, where the RTS market is at these days, and how developers can walk the tricky path of trying to make a strategy game that's both accessible and deeply complex. 

Hey Pete! Tell me a bit about your time with the company and your work on StarCraft Remastered.

Stilwell: Sure! I guess I'll start with my time at the company. I've been with Blizzard about five years now. Most of that time was spent with internal tools working to help game teams streamline their process and get games out faster.

I think that's a lot of where that experience came in dredging up and resurrecting our classics. Dusting them off and getting new tool chains built up, things of that nature. That's kind of been my time at Blizzard until about 18 months ago when I got tapped to help with this classic game. 

I'd love to know what you've learned about the design of StarCraft as you've been revivifying it for modern machines. What is it, you think, that makes it so enduring that it should be remastered and revitalized?   It's the balance. That's the key note that you take away from any conversation you have, whether it be a pro, a passionate fan, even the initial developers.

  "It's important to have that, 'I give a piece in order to take another piece away.' That, to me, is the fundamentals of an RTS."

That was what we spent our pre-production doing. We didn't have to find the fun or anything like that -- we had to go find what made the game fun and successful. So we talked with the initial devs, we spent months and months in Korea talking with folks there that have really been the community around this game for the past ten years, especially since most of the community moved on to StarCraft 2 when it was released.

So it's the fact that -- And [Blizzard cofounder Mike] Morhaime touched on this recently, they kind of came up with a foil for every unit, right? If this enemy is strong this way, it needs something that can counteract it so that a smart player will see it emerge on the battlefield and realize they have a counter to it.

That's like learning chess or similar games, where there are set moves and set strategies and it's interesting when you can counter plays really well, because that's the high-level gameplay.

But also, even as you're seeing with Brood War right now, guys like Flash are emerging onto the scene and saying, "You know what? We haven't explored everything yet. There are some other ways to play this game and play it more aggressively than Terrans typically have, but rely on strong macro to deal with some losses in a way that didn't used to be the case."

I think that speaks really well to that balance and to what makes it interesting, and why the remaster makes so much sense. That there's a generation that grew up playing. I'm one of the guys who played this game and was like, "Someday, I want to grow up and work at a Blizzard and work on games like this."

So to come here and actually unlock that reality is amazing. But to me that's what we're doing for another generation of players. You've already got this game that was so lovingly crafted and turned out to be so well balanced. Why not unlock it for a new generation by making it more approachable and giving it all the features that our modern games get? Like matchmaking and being inside of the Blizzard launcher so you can have your friend network and things like that.

To me, the community is as big of a part of these games as anything, because you need someone to tell you about strategy. You need to realize why you just got your ass handed to you by this guy that you got matched against.

That's what makes this interesting, I think, is that you can speak to it. It's not just that you missed the headshot in a first-person shooter or something like that where you need to work on your mechanics, your muscle memory. That's understandable. RTSes have a depth, I think, outside of the game that can be really engaging. That's another one of those things that, in our pre-pro[duction] period, that came up routinely.

We used to talk about it. We would talk to people in Korea who still go to the IGR [Internet Game Room] for an hour after work to just chat with their buddies that they've had for 20 years now. Like how insane is that? They'll just go and pay a dollar to get into that chat channel that their clan has and just BS about life and the game and it's like a World of Warcraft guild or something like that. The thing that really binds it is that sense of community, and that you have now a game that's lasted 20 years that has a shared experience and dialogue.

Like we grew up playing baseball, hockey, whatever, and you can usually find another kid who played that sport and have a shared dialogue about that common experience. And we're seeing that with StarCraft now. Where we remember aspects of the game, the exploits, the things that we can talk about and have a little laugh and it doesn't matter that you and I are only just meeting now, there's a bond there. We really hope, with the remaster, to unlock that for another generation. Keep it vital.

It's been strong for 20 years, there's no reason it shouldn't be strong for another 20.    As you were going back talking to folks who worked on the original and getting ready to put this together, what stories of the original development of StarCraft stood out to you?   I think it was the "oh, shit" moment when they went to E3 and realized that they had a top-down game -- and perspective was a thing now. And their game was not going to be able to compete with Age of Empires.

So it was like a paradigm shift, and they had to adapt in short order. They did it in like less than six months or something like that to get the game ready and make the release date. 

Because you have to understand how much aesthetics are part of the appeal of games, especially back then. I used to do that thing of turning the box over and really looking at the game to see if I wanted to buy it. Because we all knew the game art on the front was lying to us, making false promises.

Original StarCraft

So I think seeing [the StarCaft dev team] being reactive like that was a great lesson for us to apply even now as we are making some fundamental changes to the graphics engine and the input system. That we have to be equally reactive. And that's been the great thing about the PTR [Public Test Realm] with the community, is getting the game out there...and taking a few licks, admittedly.

StarCraft Remastered

But the community is so engaged, they know this game so well. Even if my APM is never going to be over 300 like a lot of these pro players, they're there and engaged and can articulate what we need to do to tweak it to remaster exactly what matters.

Thinking back to the original StarCraft, it feels like RTS games were legion in the '90s, then kind of faded away as everyone congregated around a few genre leaders. Does it seem like RTS is having a bit of a resurgence, here in 2017?

RTS is like my main genre, and I agree with you. And maybe to build on the dialogue of this, I think there's two things: I think like everything else, there's a fashionability of games. We go through cycles, just like music and fashion. And I think FPS had such a dominant run for a while.

But now, I think people are revisiting and reaffirming a lot of classic gameplay elements; like look at the Telltale games that are popular right now. Those types of point-and-click adventures and decision trees that were the foundation of games 30 years ago, are now coming back in a cool way, and getting kind of re-imagined.

In a lot of ways MOBAs are a reimagining of an RTS, I think, but obviously building out of an actual RTS engine owes to that.

  "We grew up playing baseball, hockey, whatever, and you can usually find another kid who played that sport and have a shared dialogue about that common experience. And we're seeing that with StarCraft now."

But the biggest lesson I've taken out of this is that there are -- like you were just touching on, kind of like enduring communities around certain games and genres where, they never left it. And to your point, if we were players that enjoyed the campaign and story moreso and got engaged there, we wanted the next story -- like you wanted Warcraft 4, you wanted StarCraft 2 to be out really quickly and then 3, 4, 5, 6.

And just to consume the game that way and kind of watch it evolve, whereas, with the level of play and time you've got to put into be really great at multiplayer StarCraft, you don't necessarily need a new one. Because then you've got to start over, there's going to be differences.

It's one of the things we see with SC and SC2, that they are different games. I don't like when people make the comparison that StarCraft got changed. They're different games. If there had been a second expansion beyond Brood War, then it would have been an evolution of StarCraft, but no, the teams sat down and made a new game that they thought would be the new exciting way to play an RTS. And you have dedicated communities around both.

Even as we look at our other games like Diablo 2 and Diablo 3, you get exactly the same thing, of people who swear it's the best game and they'll be damned if the other one tries to take the same credit. And they're all Blizzard fans, right? But whether it's music or cars, we kind of fall in love with a certain brand and enjoy that for what it is. Especially when it has a hold on your youth and that nostalgia and all those things. There's a reason that it then resonates with you for the rest of your life.

That, to me, is where we can leverage the fact that there's a bunch of dads that grew up playing this game that they love and their kid's starting to get old enough to play a game.

And if StarCraft Remastered looks beautiful enough, and maybe that kid then has a button that finds you a person to play against because everybody expects that in modern games, it will unlock the experiences and subtlety and nuance of being really great at StarCraft for a new generation.

Because it does have the muscle memory of micro, but there's also the deep understanding of strategy; it engages you on so many levels. StarCraft, I think, is really well-rounded in that respect and that's why, especially in Korea, you'll hear people say like, "That's the [game] that separates really good players from bad," because it pushes you on all levels.    I wonder, do you think there's room in the industry for more than a handful of RTS games? Is there room for something outside of StarCraft, and if so, what do you think that is?   Yeah, I think so. I'm excited to play Dawn of War 3. And even in the Blizzard family, Warcraft 3 is significantly different from StarCraft, StarCraft 2. So just right there within one company those are three pretty different experiences. Which, War 3 and Dawn of War have that in common where there's that hero class built into it and it kind of blurs the lines between the MOBA and the RTS. I believe in the evolution of game mechanics; that's what makes new experiences engaging, is having to learn those things and figure it out.

So I think that's where there is still room for growth and for other companies to explore the space. I think in any genre when you see people trying to carbon copy, it usually doesn't work out, right? There has to be some sort of originality, some sort of new mechanic or something like that that draws people in, beyond a great story, great aesthetic, and IP. In my opinion that's where someone could see something new and then not just be Blizzard or Relic or whoever in the industry. 

Is there much left to be mined, in terms of RTS design?

I hope there's still a lot there to be mined! My current task at hand is to make StarCraft accessible again and I think we've made the right choices for that to hopefully bring a bigger, broader appeal to it to help the state of RTSes in the industry and I hope at some point to unlock that as a future for me at Blizzard, is to help the evolution of RTS. 

Do you think there's any truth to the notion that MOBAs and mobile strategy games have taken up a lot of the audience, and in a sense expanded both the bounds and the reach of real-time strategy games?    Yeah, 100 percent. I don't disagree with anything you said. I think that's what also makes it exciting to have platforms that have an editor in them that let people unlock new games like that. China right now with Warcraft 3 has a stupendously vibrant modding community and mapmaking community. The stuff they're turning out over there is amazing and who knows? Any day now could be that next paradigm shift and what people love because somebody has created a new game with the world edit from War 3.

That to me is part of the --  What you would call an RTS. The machinations of our youth in the sandbox that are the editors.

We're constantly reminded by the best and the brightest from the game industry to return to your roots. Go play board games. Go play tabletop games. Do those things that have the fundamentals really well set and I think in a lot of ways, that's what your Brood War is. It has fundamentals that everybody can point at and understand and articulate about good game design and hopefully that means having them around and keeping them vital is a good way to challenge the next generation of really great game developers. 

In your own work on StarCraft Remastered, what have you seen the need to add? What features have you felt were most lacking in that game and how did you go about addressing those issues for a modern audience?   We jokingly called this game "Make It an Option Edition" at a certain point because there were so many of those things. And that was also where we kind of had to go back to our identity when we started making the game of what are we really setting out to do. It was to keep this thing a timeless classic, sort of.

[embedded content]

So we don't want to change gameplay. That's an option that could easily be done. We could make your control groups bigger. We could do a bunch of other things that would be a more modern mechanic and better quality of life, but it would shatter those things that I touched on earlier about the fact that you can only have these small control groups means you have to make some tough decisions about who you put together and who you micro, versus who just shows up to the battle because of the rally point and then you hope to get them involved before the end of it.

But to address your question of what did we want to add? Matchmaking was a huge one -- and an associated ladder. Everybody talks about how good they are. They can point at win-loss records but it's very easy to just manipulate that with your buddies or understand this is a channel I can go into and find matches that I'm going to win in.

So having a true, "Who's the best in the room?" and being able to use some algorithms and some text to prove it I think is going to be super exciting. Then extending the social experience -- Again the chat channels were such a big part. Getting to bring in some of our other features for whispering and your friends and all those types of things I think are a huge value add to the game.    And the last one and then I'll shut up, I know I talk too much.    Not at all!

The cloud is huge for us. So especially in Korea with folks playing in the game rooms. If you can get up from your computer and leave and come back and tomorrow you can jump back into the game with a save location in the campaign, that's huge.

Revamped stat and replay systems in StarCraft Remastered

Also because they've never had the campaign; it's never been localized before. The people we talk to are incredibly excited to finally get to unlock the campaign and that it won't matter where they play it from. All of your-   So in Korea, they never localized all the text and audio of the campaign?   The entire game is in English in Korea. That's another reason why we had to make it the "Options" edition, because they still -- most people want to still hear the confirmations in English, even if all the dialogue gets changed to Korean, because they're just so used to hearing the marines giving their confirmation orders and things like that. 

What if a player is colorblind, or has a hard time with a mouse and keyboard. Have you given any thought to making the game more accessible?   We do have two guys on the team that are colorblind, so that one has certainly come up. We have not dealt with eye tracking or something like that to help somebody control the game that has a physical disability to play. I believe somebody out there made an addon that might address that.

But yes, to me, that type of accessibility is different than watering down gameplay to make it for a more casual audience. I don't believe RTS will ever appeal to a non-hardcore audience. And I think that's okay. League has a massive following of the most hardcore people ever and that is still, I think, what the game industry's bread and butter is: hardcore players. The mobile market and online stuff may be a little bit more appealing to people that are casual because it's more accessible. But if you're going to have a gaming rig and the right paraphernalia to play a game properly, you're hardcore and we should be challenging you with depth of play that requires you to put the hours in. Again, when push comes to shove you can say, "I'm undeniably better than you at this because of these variables that add up to being good at it."   Well, in all the time you've spent going back over this game and putting it together again, what have you learned about the art of designing an RTS game that maybe other developers could benefit from learning from?    Perfect is the enemy.

It's a really simple concept. Brood War isn't perfect, it's far from it. It has plenty of flaws, it's the fact that it's a shit-ton of fun on top of being well-balanced, right? The perception of being perfectly balanced is a perception. Who knows? With guys like Flash out there, there still could be a time where somebody finds how to break the game and then we would have to make a balance change, right? In a hypothetical.

But that to me is what makes it fun. Makes it good to see a unit and know what the foil is and bring that out and decimate it. And if the other guy doesn't have his own counter in his back pocket, you're going to win the game because you've got that. It's important to have that, "I give a piece in order to take another piece away." That, to me, is the fundamentals of an RTS because you have a limited amount of resources and you've got to make those tough decisions on the fly, and the outcome of that is what makes it good or not.

If you can't learn from those mistakes and get better at it, then your game isn't good. 

[allcheatscodes]

dead island xbox 360

http://allcheatscodes.com/dead-island-xbox-360/

dead island xbox 360

Dead Island cheats & more for Xbox 360 (X360)

Cheats

Unlockables

Hints

Easter Eggs

Glitches

Guides

Achievements

Get the updated and latest Dead Island cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, achievements, guides, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for Xbox 360 (X360). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

Use the links above or scroll down to see all the Xbox 360 cheats we have available for Dead Island.

Check PC cheats for this game

Check PlayStation 3 cheats for this game

Genre: Action, Survival Horror

Developer: Techland

Publisher: Deep Silver

ESRB Rating: Mature

Release Date: September 6, 2011

Hints

Lots Of Money And Weapons Quick

First be by one of the shops for buying and selling. Next have yourself an expensive weapon. Do the weapon duplicate glitch (hold down LT. Than while holding LT press and hold RT+Y, while looking at the ground). There will now be two weapons on the ground. Pick them up and do this several times. Fill your inventory as much as possible. Than look up at the shop guy and sell them all except for one. Repeat process again.

Infinite Diamonds

Once you take the diamond from the Mayor’s office on Level 7, City Hall #2, if you go back into the sewers, but then turn round and check the safe again, the Diamond should be spawned back in there. You can obviously sell the diamonds – so this is a good way to get lots of extra cash.

Infinite Money And Shotgun Ammo In The Laboratory

In the Laboratory, there are three safes with no locks containing about 3-5, 000 in loot. There’s usually a 2/3 chance for money to appear. You can leave the laboratory area through quick travel to another area (Resort, Moresby, Jungle) and come back to open the safes to get more money.

Instant Save

I find it frustrating that the game NEVER saves. To save whenever you like, simply go to Options, select ‘Controls’ and set the fight style from analog to digital or vice-versa. The game saves every time you do it.

Dead Island License Plate

The license plate on the truck you find all the car parts for says “D34D 1574ND”.

Floating Propane Tank Exploit

During two or more player games, while using a pick up truck, have a player load a propane tank in the back of a pick up truck, climb in the back. The propane tank will start to slide back and eventually drop out of the truck and follow you, the player in the truck can shoot the tank killing any group of zombies near the tank, works very well while trying to turn off the 5 fire hydrants.

Fast Money

Go to the warehouse and get the Hammer and Baseball Bat. Then fast travel to the Church and sell them – you’ll get approximately $400. Go back to the Warehouse and the Hammer and Baseball Bat will have respawned. Repeat this as many times as desired. Note: You must be in the City and have discovered both the Church and the Warehouse to do this trick.

Duplicating Items

Throw the weapon you want to duplicate. Before it hits the ground, press Up. Then, choose to drop the weapon that is equipped. Exit out of the menu, and pick up both items. Repeat this as many times as desired.

Extra Grenades/Deo Bombs

I didn’t notice this at first until I walked away and blew myself up. If you throw a grenade/Deo-bomb through a door and then close the door while you throw the grenade/Deo-bomb. This will cause another grenade to go through the door and another to apear in your invetory.

Useful Hint For Message To The Masses

Here is a hint for message to the masses. I could not for the life of me find the ladder to reach the rooftop so I could get to the second speaker. Well, once you find the speaker you will see that you cannot reach it from the ground level.

First look up for the wooden planks that you use to cross rooftops. There are two but either one leads you away from the speaker so you can find a ladder. You will see one right near the speaker follow that alley to a four-way cross section, look to your left and you’ll find a dead end. The ladder is on the building opposite the way you came to the alley.

*If you find the other wooden planks you went the other-way past the speaker you need to reach. Head straight to the dead end and look left ladder is right there.

Once you find the ladder follow the roof past the satellite dish and cross the wooden planks. Walk to the edge of the roof you should see the speaker. Use the ladder to climb down and hit the switch.

Flying Vehicle

Sometimes when driving a truck with a friend in the back and they continuously fire a gun the vehicle will start shaking violently, sometimes teloporting you or even sending you through the air.

Achievement Tip: 10 Heads Are Better Than 1

Use the assault rifle which is acquired during the second part of the game. Jump on a car and wait until the zombies are next to the car. Then just shoot their heads. Even if you get killed while doing this, your head count does not reset as long as you do not kill a zombie by any other method except a headshot.

Safe Area

If you jump up on any truck or jeep you find when you’re surrounded by zombies the zombies cannot hit you no matter how close to the edge of the vehicle you are, if you crouch you can also hit them without the risk of being hit back, this is good if you are in the city because it can be hard to get around without a fight. It will work on cars you can’t drive also and any other structure short enough to jump on but tall enough to keep zombies off.

Cheats

Glitch: Duplicate Items (Logan)

When playing as Logan, this glitch lets you dupe items. Hold down the aim button (left trigger) then hold down the fury button while aiming at multiple zombies. Pull the right trigger. Instead of Logan using his knives, he will be throwing your equipped weapon. Throwing the weapons will cause the game to duplicate your equipped item.

Unlockables

New Game + Mode

Successfully complete the game. Select “Next Play” to start a second playthrough with all previously earned money and inventory items (blueprints, weapons, etc. ) .

Easter eggs

Currently we have no easter eggs for Dead Island yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Dead Island yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

Currently no guide available.

Currently no guide available.

Currently no guide available.

Achievements

Secret Achievements

The following are the secret achievements.

Ah! Spoiled meat! (10 GP)Kill a Butcher using an axe.

Banoi Redemption (30 GP)Finish act IV.

Everybody lies (20 GP)Use a large medkit to heal an injury of 5% or less.

First! (15 GP)Kill a Suicider with a grenade.

Hell in paradise (30 GP)Finish act I.

How many days exactly? (10 GP)Play Dead Island at least 28 days after starting it for the first time.

King of the jungle (30 GP)Finish act III.

No raccoons in here (30 GP)Finish act II.

Oh, no you don’t (10 GP)Kill a Ram using tackle skill.

Savior (20 GP)Save 5 people besieged by zombies.

Achievement List

10 heads are better than 1 (15)Kill 10 zombies in a row with headshots.

A taste of everything (25)Kill a zombie with 10 different melee weapons.

A very special day (30)Kill 250 zombies with modified weapons.

Ah! Spoiled meat! (10)Kill a Butcher using an axe.

Banoi Redemption (30)Complete act IV.

Busy, busy, busy (60)Finish 75 quests cumulatively.

Can’t touch this (20)Use a hammer to kill a series of 15 zombies without taking damage.

Cardio (10)Travel a distance of 20 kilometers on foot.

Catch! (10)Kill an Infected with a grenade blast.

Dedicated student (25)Reach level 25.

Everybody lies (20)Use a large medkit to heal an injury of 5% or less.

First! (15)Kill a Suicider with a grenade.

Gesundheit! (10)Heal yourself with a medkit 100 times.

Going steady (25)Complete 25 quests while playing with at least one co-op partner.

Gotta find’em all (20)Find 60 collectibles.

Guns don’t kill but they help (25)Kill 250 zombies using firearms.

Hack & slash (25)Kill 250 zombies using edged melee weapons.

Hell in paradise (30)Complete act I.

How many days exactly? (10)Play Dead Island at least 28 days after starting it for the first time.

Humanitarian (15)Kill 50 human enemies.

I want one of those (30)Customize 25 weapons.

Karma-geddon (15)Kill 50 zombies using a vehicle.

King of the jungle (30)Complete act III.

Knock, knock (15)Breach a locked door with the first blow.

Learning the ropes (10)Reach level 10.

Light my fire (20)Set 10 zombies on fire simultaneously.

Ménage à trois (25)Complete 5 quests with 3 co-op partners.

Nearly there (25)Find 120 collectibles.

Need a hand? (10)Join another player’s game.

No raccoons in here (30)Complete act II.

Oh, no you don’t (10)Kill a Ram using tackle skill.

One is all I need (20)Kill 5 Infected in a row with a single blow.

Originality (10)Play in a co-op team of 4 different playable characters.

People Person (10)Play with 10 different co-op partners for at least 15 minutes each.

Rageman (25)Kill 100 enemies with Fury attacks.

Right 4 Life (30)Complete act I with 4 different characters.

Road Trip (10)Drive a total distance of 10 kilometers.

Rootin’ Tootin’ Lootin’ (30)Loot 5 Exceptional Weapons.

Savior (20)Save 5 people besieged by zombies.

School of hard knocks (30)Reach level 50.

Steam Punk (30)Create weapons to rival the gods of fire or thunder.

Swing them sticks (25)Kill 150 enemies using Analog Fighting controls.

Tae Kwon Leap (25)Kill 25 zombies with your bare fists.

There and back again (30)Explore the entire island.

Tis but a flesh wound! (10)Sever 100 limbs.

To put it bluntly (25)Kill 250 zombies using blunt melee weapons.

Together in the light (10)Complete 5 quests in a single co-op game with the same partners.

Warranty Void if Used (10)Create a customized weapon.

[symbianosgames]

Nearly two decades after Blizzard released its sci-fi real-time strategy game StarCraft, the game is still being played at a professional level.

Why? What is it about this game that gives it such enduring appeal?

That's basically what Blizzard senior producer Pete Stilwell has spent countless hours trying to understand as part of his work leading development of StarCraft Remastered, the revamped 4K version of StarCraft that's coming out this summer.

As part of a larger conversation about the state of RTS game design and where the industry is headed, Stilwell recently sat down with Gamasutra to chat about what he's learned while rooting around in the guts of one of the most popular RTS games ever made.

We got into a lot of nuts-and-bolts talk about what makes a competitive game timeless, where the RTS market is at these days, and how developers can walk the tricky path of trying to make a strategy game that's both accessible and deeply complex. 

Hey Pete! Tell me a bit about your time with the company and your work on StarCraft Remastered.

Stilwell: Sure! I guess I'll start with my time at the company. I've been with Blizzard about five years now. Most of that time was spent with internal tools working to help game teams streamline their process and get games out faster.

I think that's a lot of where that experience came in dredging up and resurrecting our classics. Dusting them off and getting new tool chains built up, things of that nature. That's kind of been my time at Blizzard until about 18 months ago when I got tapped to help with this classic game. 

I'd love to know what you've learned about the design of StarCraft as you've been revivifying it for modern machines. What is it, you think, that makes it so enduring that it should be remastered and revitalized?   It's the balance. That's the key note that you take away from any conversation you have, whether it be a pro, a passionate fan, even the initial developers.

  "It's important to have that, 'I give a piece in order to take another piece away.' That, to me, is the fundamentals of an RTS."

That was what we spent our pre-production doing. We didn't have to find the fun or anything like that -- we had to go find what made the game fun and successful. So we talked with the initial devs, we spent months and months in Korea talking with folks there that have really been the community around this game for the past ten years, especially since most of the community moved on to StarCraft 2 when it was released.

So it's the fact that -- And [Blizzard cofounder Mike] Morhaime touched on this recently, they kind of came up with a foil for every unit, right? If this enemy is strong this way, it needs something that can counteract it so that a smart player will see it emerge on the battlefield and realize they have a counter to it.

That's like learning chess or similar games, where there are set moves and set strategies and it's interesting when you can counter plays really well, because that's the high-level gameplay.

But also, even as you're seeing with Brood War right now, guys like Flash are emerging onto the scene and saying, "You know what? We haven't explored everything yet. There are some other ways to play this game and play it more aggressively than Terrans typically have, but rely on strong macro to deal with some losses in a way that didn't used to be the case."

I think that speaks really well to that balance and to what makes it interesting, and why the remaster makes so much sense. That there's a generation that grew up playing. I'm one of the guys who played this game and was like, "Someday, I want to grow up and work at a Blizzard and work on games like this."

So to come here and actually unlock that reality is amazing. But to me that's what we're doing for another generation of players. You've already got this game that was so lovingly crafted and turned out to be so well balanced. Why not unlock it for a new generation by making it more approachable and giving it all the features that our modern games get? Like matchmaking and being inside of the Blizzard launcher so you can have your friend network and things like that.

To me, the community is as big of a part of these games as anything, because you need someone to tell you about strategy. You need to realize why you just got your ass handed to you by this guy that you got matched against.

That's what makes this interesting, I think, is that you can speak to it. It's not just that you missed the headshot in a first-person shooter or something like that where you need to work on your mechanics, your muscle memory. That's understandable. RTSes have a depth, I think, outside of the game that can be really engaging. That's another one of those things that, in our pre-pro[duction] period, that came up routinely.

We used to talk about it. We would talk to people in Korea who still go to the IGR [Internet Game Room] for an hour after work to just chat with their buddies that they've had for 20 years now. Like how insane is that? They'll just go and pay a dollar to get into that chat channel that their clan has and just BS about life and the game and it's like a World of Warcraft guild or something like that. The thing that really binds it is that sense of community, and that you have now a game that's lasted 20 years that has a shared experience and dialogue.

Like we grew up playing baseball, hockey, whatever, and you can usually find another kid who played that sport and have a shared dialogue about that common experience. And we're seeing that with StarCraft now. Where we remember aspects of the game, the exploits, the things that we can talk about and have a little laugh and it doesn't matter that you and I are only just meeting now, there's a bond there. We really hope, with the remaster, to unlock that for another generation. Keep it vital.

It's been strong for 20 years, there's no reason it shouldn't be strong for another 20.    As you were going back talking to folks who worked on the original and getting ready to put this together, what stories of the original development of StarCraft stood out to you?   I think it was the "oh, shit" moment when they went to E3 and realized that they had a top-down game -- and perspective was a thing now. And their game was not going to be able to compete with Age of Empires.

So it was like a paradigm shift, and they had to adapt in short order. They did it in like less than six months or something like that to get the game ready and make the release date. 

Because you have to understand how much aesthetics are part of the appeal of games, especially back then. I used to do that thing of turning the box over and really looking at the game to see if I wanted to buy it. Because we all knew the game art on the front was lying to us, making false promises.

Original StarCraft

So I think seeing [the StarCaft dev team] being reactive like that was a great lesson for us to apply even now as we are making some fundamental changes to the graphics engine and the input system. That we have to be equally reactive. And that's been the great thing about the PTR [Public Test Realm] with the community, is getting the game out there...and taking a few licks, admittedly.

StarCraft Remastered

But the community is so engaged, they know this game so well. Even if my APM is never going to be over 300 like a lot of these pro players, they're there and engaged and can articulate what we need to do to tweak it to remaster exactly what matters.

Thinking back to the original StarCraft, it feels like RTS games were legion in the '90s, then kind of faded away as everyone congregated around a few genre leaders. Does it seem like RTS is having a bit of a resurgence, here in 2017?

RTS is like my main genre, and I agree with you. And maybe to build on the dialogue of this, I think there's two things: I think like everything else, there's a fashionability of games. We go through cycles, just like music and fashion. And I think FPS had such a dominant run for a while.

But now, I think people are revisiting and reaffirming a lot of classic gameplay elements; like look at the Telltale games that are popular right now. Those types of point-and-click adventures and decision trees that were the foundation of games 30 years ago, are now coming back in a cool way, and getting kind of re-imagined.

In a lot of ways MOBAs are a reimagining of an RTS, I think, but obviously building out of an actual RTS engine owes to that.

  "We grew up playing baseball, hockey, whatever, and you can usually find another kid who played that sport and have a shared dialogue about that common experience. And we're seeing that with StarCraft now."

But the biggest lesson I've taken out of this is that there are -- like you were just touching on, kind of like enduring communities around certain games and genres where, they never left it. And to your point, if we were players that enjoyed the campaign and story moreso and got engaged there, we wanted the next story -- like you wanted Warcraft 4, you wanted StarCraft 2 to be out really quickly and then 3, 4, 5, 6.

And just to consume the game that way and kind of watch it evolve, whereas, with the level of play and time you've got to put into be really great at multiplayer StarCraft, you don't necessarily need a new one. Because then you've got to start over, there's going to be differences.

It's one of the things we see with SC and SC2, that they are different games. I don't like when people make the comparison that StarCraft got changed. They're different games. If there had been a second expansion beyond Brood War, then it would have been an evolution of StarCraft, but no, the teams sat down and made a new game that they thought would be the new exciting way to play an RTS. And you have dedicated communities around both.

Even as we look at our other games like Diablo 2 and Diablo 3, you get exactly the same thing, of people who swear it's the best game and they'll be damned if the other one tries to take the same credit. And they're all Blizzard fans, right? But whether it's music or cars, we kind of fall in love with a certain brand and enjoy that for what it is. Especially when it has a hold on your youth and that nostalgia and all those things. There's a reason that it then resonates with you for the rest of your life.

That, to me, is where we can leverage the fact that there's a bunch of dads that grew up playing this game that they love and their kid's starting to get old enough to play a game.

And if StarCraft Remastered looks beautiful enough, and maybe that kid then has a button that finds you a person to play against because everybody expects that in modern games, it will unlock the experiences and subtlety and nuance of being really great at StarCraft for a new generation.

Because it does have the muscle memory of micro, but there's also the deep understanding of strategy; it engages you on so many levels. StarCraft, I think, is really well-rounded in that respect and that's why, especially in Korea, you'll hear people say like, "That's the [game] that separates really good players from bad," because it pushes you on all levels.    I wonder, do you think there's room in the industry for more than a handful of RTS games? Is there room for something outside of StarCraft, and if so, what do you think that is?   Yeah, I think so. I'm excited to play Dawn of War 3. And even in the Blizzard family, Warcraft 3 is significantly different from StarCraft, StarCraft 2. So just right there within one company those are three pretty different experiences. Which, War 3 and Dawn of War have that in common where there's that hero class built into it and it kind of blurs the lines between the MOBA and the RTS. I believe in the evolution of game mechanics; that's what makes new experiences engaging, is having to learn those things and figure it out.

So I think that's where there is still room for growth and for other companies to explore the space. I think in any genre when you see people trying to carbon copy, it usually doesn't work out, right? There has to be some sort of originality, some sort of new mechanic or something like that that draws people in, beyond a great story, great aesthetic, and IP. In my opinion that's where someone could see something new and then not just be Blizzard or Relic or whoever in the industry. 

Is there much left to be mined, in terms of RTS design?

I hope there's still a lot there to be mined! My current task at hand is to make StarCraft accessible again and I think we've made the right choices for that to hopefully bring a bigger, broader appeal to it to help the state of RTSes in the industry and I hope at some point to unlock that as a future for me at Blizzard, is to help the evolution of RTS. 

Do you think there's any truth to the notion that MOBAs and mobile strategy games have taken up a lot of the audience, and in a sense expanded both the bounds and the reach of real-time strategy games?    Yeah, 100 percent. I don't disagree with anything you said. I think that's what also makes it exciting to have platforms that have an editor in them that let people unlock new games like that. China right now with Warcraft 3 has a stupendously vibrant modding community and mapmaking community. The stuff they're turning out over there is amazing and who knows? Any day now could be that next paradigm shift and what people love because somebody has created a new game with the world edit from War 3.

That to me is part of the --  What you would call an RTS. The machinations of our youth in the sandbox that are the editors.

We're constantly reminded by the best and the brightest from the game industry to return to your roots. Go play board games. Go play tabletop games. Do those things that have the fundamentals really well set and I think in a lot of ways, that's what your Brood War is. It has fundamentals that everybody can point at and understand and articulate about good game design and hopefully that means having them around and keeping them vital is a good way to challenge the next generation of really great game developers. 

In your own work on StarCraft Remastered, what have you seen the need to add? What features have you felt were most lacking in that game and how did you go about addressing those issues for a modern audience?   We jokingly called this game "Make It an Option Edition" at a certain point because there were so many of those things. And that was also where we kind of had to go back to our identity when we started making the game of what are we really setting out to do. It was to keep this thing a timeless classic, sort of.

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So we don't want to change gameplay. That's an option that could easily be done. We could make your control groups bigger. We could do a bunch of other things that would be a more modern mechanic and better quality of life, but it would shatter those things that I touched on earlier about the fact that you can only have these small control groups means you have to make some tough decisions about who you put together and who you micro, versus who just shows up to the battle because of the rally point and then you hope to get them involved before the end of it.

But to address your question of what did we want to add? Matchmaking was a huge one -- and an associated ladder. Everybody talks about how good they are. They can point at win-loss records but it's very easy to just manipulate that with your buddies or understand this is a channel I can go into and find matches that I'm going to win in.

So having a true, "Who's the best in the room?" and being able to use some algorithms and some text to prove it I think is going to be super exciting. Then extending the social experience -- Again the chat channels were such a big part. Getting to bring in some of our other features for whispering and your friends and all those types of things I think are a huge value add to the game.    And the last one and then I'll shut up, I know I talk too much.    Not at all!

The cloud is huge for us. So especially in Korea with folks playing in the game rooms. If you can get up from your computer and leave and come back and tomorrow you can jump back into the game with a save location in the campaign, that's huge.

Revamped stat and replay systems in StarCraft Remastered

Also because they've never had the campaign; it's never been localized before. The people we talk to are incredibly excited to finally get to unlock the campaign and that it won't matter where they play it from. All of your-   So in Korea, they never localized all the text and audio of the campaign?   The entire game is in English in Korea. That's another reason why we had to make it the "Options" edition, because they still -- most people want to still hear the confirmations in English, even if all the dialogue gets changed to Korean, because they're just so used to hearing the marines giving their confirmation orders and things like that. 

What if a player is colorblind, or has a hard time with a mouse and keyboard. Have you given any thought to making the game more accessible?   We do have two guys on the team that are colorblind, so that one has certainly come up. We have not dealt with eye tracking or something like that to help somebody control the game that has a physical disability to play. I believe somebody out there made an addon that might address that.

But yes, to me, that type of accessibility is different than watering down gameplay to make it for a more casual audience. I don't believe RTS will ever appeal to a non-hardcore audience. And I think that's okay. League has a massive following of the most hardcore people ever and that is still, I think, what the game industry's bread and butter is: hardcore players. The mobile market and online stuff may be a little bit more appealing to people that are casual because it's more accessible. But if you're going to have a gaming rig and the right paraphernalia to play a game properly, you're hardcore and we should be challenging you with depth of play that requires you to put the hours in. Again, when push comes to shove you can say, "I'm undeniably better than you at this because of these variables that add up to being good at it."   Well, in all the time you've spent going back over this game and putting it together again, what have you learned about the art of designing an RTS game that maybe other developers could benefit from learning from?    Perfect is the enemy.

It's a really simple concept. Brood War isn't perfect, it's far from it. It has plenty of flaws, it's the fact that it's a shit-ton of fun on top of being well-balanced, right? The perception of being perfectly balanced is a perception. Who knows? With guys like Flash out there, there still could be a time where somebody finds how to break the game and then we would have to make a balance change, right? In a hypothetical.

But that to me is what makes it fun. Makes it good to see a unit and know what the foil is and bring that out and decimate it. And if the other guy doesn't have his own counter in his back pocket, you're going to win the game because you've got that. It's important to have that, "I give a piece in order to take another piece away." That, to me, is the fundamentals of an RTS because you have a limited amount of resources and you've got to make those tough decisions on the fly, and the outcome of that is what makes it good or not.

If you can't learn from those mistakes and get better at it, then your game isn't good.