#so i am fixing his family
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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polymer broadcast signal hijack
#pikmin#captain olimar#ft. louie captain shepherd and collin#as well as#moss (pikmin)#watched a stream series of pikmin 4 (its frankenbugs' series) thats what this is about really#but mostly. I just love olimar. I just really enjoy that man#also this really got me flexing those bande dessinée muscles from back thens lol#Ive missed drawin with this kinda proportions... I should do it more#Im gonna draw an olimar to put in my wallet. I need to make my life harder to explain to strangers#I also wanna. add more details to his space suit. make it look more like real life space suit for fun & entertainment#man I enjoy the animals in pikmin so much. they really are just like. animals. theyre animals#its great I love how genuinely bug-lookin the bugs are even with the stylization. pikmin and pokemon are really good at that#would like to learn how to do that... sometimes in the future#oh yeah fun fact. my effort at cleaning up my undercut a few days ago went badly. right before I went to a family reunion thing for 2 days#so I was goin out of my mind at that event postin abt olimar bc I love him#and then. when I got home. I decided to shave my head instead of trying to fix the haircut again#and so the sequence of events becomes I post about olimar -> I enter my bald arc#I am okay with this. have a good night lads. binding books is actually really fun u should try it
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assorted weredoc doodles for @bttfjanaury! seeing as i’m the one who submitted it i might as well do it also hahaha.
bonus weremarty (au of au lmao):

#back to the future#bttf#bttf fanart#marty mcfly#doc brown#emmett brown#kit does an art#weredoc au#i wanted to update the comic itself for the day but it was like 5 days before and there was no way it was happening LMAO#so you get collection of doodles instead!#doc picking up marty like a pup was bc rose-of-pollux mentioned it so everyone say ty rose!#really i just like drawing marty getting carried around so this was very fun#weredoc in Full Dog Mode isn’t too bad either but when we throw in his giant meaty hands we start having problems#do his appendages change size depending on the pose? yes#does this annoy me? also yes#am i going to fix this? definitely not#it is what it is. alas.#regarding weremarty something something teen wolf something idk#i have no clue what breed weremarty is but i think it’s really funny he’s exactly the same height (possibly even smaller) compared to doc#who doubled in height and size basically#weremarty au would have significantly more complications very quickly since unlike doc marty actually has a social life and family that#he lives with. so weredoc au doc and marty should consider themselves lucky!#hmmmthe quality is a little shittier than usual. will fix soon
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RealAgeAu Drabble - The Roots
I have been gone for a few days but i wanted to really mess with this tiny concept!
First Drabble (with special thanks to @spotaus For giving the first prompt) Prev Drabble Next Drabble
Technically timeline wise this is at the same ish time as the next drabble in the timeline, On the Other side. But we will just do this like this for now :D
As always, we have no beta and no edits. :D Also slight warning, I will be changing up the POVs in the drabble itself a bit. don't worry about it.
*---------------*
Nightmare looks around the corner and notices that all four are still asleep. That is good. Perfect even!
It isn't that he dislikes being with them. The oposite in matter of fact. it feels... Safe protected home calming nice. Many things but overal just nice.
It still confuses him sometimes. That they just... care. After everything. Even with them knowing just who he is.
It also does mean that Nightmare feels bad about leaving while they are asleep.
It is just that he isn't going to get another chance like this. They are very close to DreamTale and with how much magic Nightmare has in him now thanks to the many meals and sleeping a lot, he thinks he could make it all the way to DreamTale and back before being completely out of magic to use.
Which means he has his chance to do a small personal ritual he hasn't had the chance to do in a while.
It is something stupid. And Nightmare knows he should stop it.
It is just... After everything in Dreamtale happened. The deal with what he had caused and done, having been the cause of both his brother and mother dying... He had just made two graves.
He had been the point of returning there once in a while to maintain both graves and leave fresh flowers.
Nightmare just. Never stopped doing it. After seeing Dream again... He just kept doing it still. Something about the grave still showing that he still ended up losing Dream...
Or something like that.
He doesn't quite know anymore but it helps.
Nightmare manages to get to the garden of the small house they had claimed and takes a deep breath. He hadn't needed to make these jumps in a while and he had to be sure he aimed in the right direction. Just. Easy.
He holds up both hands and feels his magic start to flow out. A small sizzle as a small portal starts to take shape. His breathing gets heavier and heavier. He didn't think it would be this hard... why is it so much harder than before-
Two arms lock around him and he is lifted up. Nightmare's breath escapes in one go and he wiggles before stopping. Nightmare knows these arms by now and knows it is Killer before he even speaks.
"What you doing out here tiny boss?" a chuckle and nuzzle to the side of his skull "I thought we were passed this whole you trying to run away from us." Killer turns him aorund and Nightmare can now see the large pout on his face.
Nightmare looks to the side and wiggles but cant get free, he never can escape their hold. Instead he just crosses his arms and mutters "Just wanted to do something real quick."
Killer hums before Nightmare is pulled much closer and he is flush up agianst Killer. Killer hums much more contently before turning back to the house "So what did you want to do tiny boss? aside from using a lot of your just recovered magic that is."
Why does he feel bad? Why does he feel guilty? He wasn't doing anything bad?? Wait why is that how he thinks about it?
Nightmare tries to think it through but comes up blank. It doesn't help that being near Killer, or any of them really, calms him very quickly. He isn't used to this.
They get back to the house and Nightmare sees three more worried faces and feels worse. They had been sleeping... They shouldn't have noticed or been bothered by him not being there... How did they even notice? He... isn't used to people noticing stuff about him.
They sit him down and Nightmare considers his options... If he wants to use this one chance... maybe if he explains they will just let him do his thing for a bit?
Ngihtmare looks to the side and finds himself muttering "I just wanted to do a thing... it is honestly boring and would have been quick."
----
Horror doesn't like this place. It is the place that holds so much trauma for Nightmare. Where they thought that hurting and torturing a babybones was a good idea.
But Nightmare rarely asks them for anything anymore. And even before he became his true form he rarely asked anything for himself. If he wanted something he could just get it or do it. Now he doesn't have much of a choice and Horror knows this. They all know this.
And well, they are trying to get Nightmare to ask them when he wants things. So when he expressed he wanted something? of course they are gonna make it work.
Even if they have to come here.
Killer stands with his hands on his hips as he looks around the grey coloured forest "Wow! Lots of nothing..."
Cross sends him a glare and hisses "Killer."
Horror agrees, Killer could try to be a bit more sensitive. Normally none of them mind his brass and bolt nature but well.. They are here to visit two graves. Two graves that a six year old made to memorise his family which he thought he had killed.
This is not the time for Killer to be... well Killer.
Killer huffs and looks at Nightmare "Can you believe them?"
Nightmare shrugs but holds the two small bouquet of flowers close. "I didn't really... leave a lot..."
See? That is why they needed to try and be a bit more tactful. Killer luckily seems to notice as he rubs his neck as Cross shoots him a knowing look.
Dust remains by Nightmare's side as he looks around "A hill right?"
Nightmare seems to look all of them over before nodding "Yeah." He points into a random direction "It is that way." and he starts leading the way.
It is strange. The whole world is grey and colourless. Not the white space that Cross had had when his world was destroyed. but just, greyscale. Hell even Cross looks colourful compared to this place.
Cross frowns and takes a few quick steps to now walk on Nightmare's other side "was it always coloured like this?"
Nightmare shakes his skull and thinks for a bit. "I think... if i remember it right... the grey colour started to happen as soon as they cut mother down."
Horror almost wants to sigh in relieve. He keeps it in but this is good. It is something to help stop the guilt. At least that is what Horror is assuming why the graves are still there. guilt. But Horror won't assume.
They leave the forest and see a hill with further in the distance a village. They walk up the hill and find a cut down tree stump and two old and small graves.
Nightmare stands by them for a moment before glancing back at them with a suspicious look "No commentary?"
Horror gets it. They can be assholes.
Killer grins and leans closer "I can do one... but i doubt it adds anything." he pets the small skull before pointedly talking towards the side of the hill to overlook the forest, he pulls Cross allong with him.
Dust remains near Nightmare as a silent shadow and Horror leaves them to have room. Keeping an eye on their small charge as he looks around. Horror has no doubt that this used to be a beautiful place. some of the plants he sees may be grey now but he recognises them for eatable wild flowers.
He can see Nightmare slowly near the graves. He sits on his knees by the two and starts with cleaning both graves. Making sure no dirt or dust is on it and everything is still secure. Afterwards he removes old and, by now, dead flowers. He takes care that those aren't near the graves before returning and leaving new fresh flowers. They had picked up both colourful bouquets from another universe along the way.
At the end he just sits by the two graves as he touches the stone.
Killer and Cross had returned back to them at this point and Killer nudges Cross. Cross shoots him a questionable look before Killer just motiones over his shoulder back at the village before nodding at Nightmare. Horror cna see Cross just stare in utter confusion at Killer before Killer pulls him closer and whispers something to him.
Cross looks back before nodding as he walks over to Dust and whispers some stuff to him. Dust looks thoughtful before nodding as well.
Cross slowly walks over to Nightmare and speaks "Hey..." Nightmare looks up and tilts his skull. Cross smiles "If you want we can go into the village for a bit."
Nightmare frowns "Why would I?"
Cross looks a bit sheepish but Dust picks up "The book was general about what happened. But we figured that those people may have taken stuff or kept things that were yours from you."
Cross nods and grins "We are here now anyway. we can get it back."
Nightmare looks at the village and thinks it over before nodding "okay." he stands up and dusts his pants off of the dirt. Cross ends up softly nudging him towards the side and Dust easily takes his hand before the three walk off.
Horror shoots Killer a look "Why?"
Killer grins as he walks over to the stump "don't worry about it. Want to go with them?"
Horror continues to watch Killer before shaking his skull "I am fine being here."
Killer shrugs and turns to the stump. Staring at the dead tree.
"You wasted your chance."
Horror frowns as he just watches Killer. Killer meanwhile keeps looking at the dead tree.
Killer continues as if he is talking to an actual person "You were given a fucking miracle. We read your story you know. Know that you were only aiming for one child. Instead of being overjoyed and happy that you got two you took him for granted."
Horror sees the edges around Killer's soul waver away from their soul shape but it returns to the soul shape easily.
Killer doesn't stop speaking "You were suposed to be his mother and you failed your job. You never actually cared about him did you? Well." he glares down "You are not getting him back. Ever. He isn't yours anymore."
Horror frowns and studies Killer. No... Killer still doesn't know about the soul adoption, that Horror is sure about. Which means this all? Just Killer.
Killer holds his chin high as he stares down at the stump "I don't know what exactly is happening. But seeing as it is related to the apples it is related to you. So I am telling you now. Even if for some reason you return. Even if you are alive again. You are not getting Nightmare back. He is ours, not yours. You will never find him. You will never get the chance to hurt him."
Horror hears it in his voice. Killer, the one who hates promises more than any of them. Who had lost so much of his freedom and free will because of broken promises. Just made a promise, not even a promise. but a vow.
Horror can't say he is that surprised. After all. After everything in Horrortale and all the pressure from making sure his brother has food and is taken care of. Horror had thought he never wanted to take on a new responsibility ever again. And yet, here he was with a willing soul adoption writen into his very soul.
He also knows the other two aren't doing much better. Dust who hadn't wanted to emotionally or personally connect with anyone ever again. After having killed everyone he cared about he didn't want those relationships anymore. Yet he was the first to take this leap. Commit to Nightmare, and ironically to them all.
Cross who hadn't wanted to take any kind of oath or lifelong promise or mission after his past with the guard and XGaster. He didn't want to tie himself down. Give his all to something or some goal that just hurt him. And while it took him a while he still is devoted to this.
Horror knows they are all powerless against this. It happened but at least this time it was their choice. He thinks it is good, this way they all really knows what it means to do this. To commit to this and all it entails.
A crack of thunder and the three are suddenly on the hill with them again.
horror turns but freezes. Dust is holding a shaking Nightmare close as Cross is already cutting into the fabric of reality with his knife.
Killer and him share a look and are with the other three before they even have to say what happened. They can get an explanation later, for now they need to go.
----
They are back in the house they had been hidding in and Nightmare finally feels himself relax a tiny bit.
Thought that may also be becuase Dust is still holding him and the other's soul is steady and even. It makes his own franctic soul calm down.
Killer looks at them "Do we need to pack up and go?" he is already halfway to the bags.
Cross has closed the portal and watches as the universe patches itself fully closed again, not leaving a single mark, there is a reason Nightmare had worked so hard to get Cross XChara's knife. Aside from the fact that Cross liked fighting with it. It is a very powerful and amazing tool.
Cross sighs in relieve "We should still be good." he turns to the others and starts explaining right away "Nightmare saw Dream."
Killer curses loudly as he kciks the couch. Horror frowns and looks at him "did he see you?"
Nightmare pushes clsoer to Dust but nods.
Killer curses again but Horror frowns "Did he realise it was you?"
Nightmare thinks bakc to Dream staring at him. Awe and surprise clear on his face. The wishfullness had been obvious. The way he had moved towards him, a smile on his face that Ngihtmare hadn't seen since they were both small. Then again, the name he had called him had made it clear who he saw...
Nightmare shrugs.
Horror tilts his skull "Is that yes?"
Nightmare shakes his skull and mutters "yes and no..."
Horror nods as Killer frowns at him "both? How both?"
Nightmare shrugs again but Dust just nudges him gently with his skull nad Nightmare sighs as he quietly explains "I think he knew i was well me... but didn't know i was me me..." he toys with the fabric of the red scarf, Dust lets him. He searches for the right words "He called me Nighty.. and well he hasn't done that since before the apples. Since he still-" Since he still loved him. Nightmare doens't say it out loud but Dust must have figured out something as the hold around his tightens.
Nightmare pushes his face further into the scarf "He will probably think it means something bad... That is what everyone always said my appearance was... and he thinks I am an adult still so... yeah..." His mind is spinning but his soul is calm. in sync of Dust's. calm and slow pulses and beats. It honeslty makes him sleepy.
Dust nuzzles his skull and speaks "Well, He will not find anything and will have to learn to not just listen to rumours. As for even if he had caught you before you got to me, we would get you back." the certainty makes Nightmare pause.
Ngihtmare trries to shoot Dust a look but Dust just keeps rubbing his back and keeping him against him.
Cross nods "obviously. Just a matter of time before we would figure out where you were..." more thoughful "Next time we will have to scuot the universe first. We just didn't today because we figured no one would know about it. Srory for that. Next time you want to visit the graves we will make sure no one will interrupt. okay?"
Nightmare nods as he pushes closer to Dust.
He doesn't even understand why he still wants to visit those graves. Dream isn't even dead!
Even if... even if Dream doesn't...
Those graves shouldn't matter but Ngihtmare still wants to make sure btoh are fine. Maybe it is now just a symbol for the dead relationship between him and Dream. It just gives him a place where he can focus his grief and mourn for the family he lost.
The hand hasn't stopped petting his back and Nightmare feels himself finally fully relax.
At least he really isn't alone... His four are here now and they are still here after the close calls and learning about the graves.
It would be nice to not be alone anymore.
Nightmare lets the calming of his soul lure him to fall asleep. Knowing he is safe and cared for now.
*---------------*
So is anyone surprised i couldn't keep it short? I am not. I know myself. I have a problem and it is this whole AU that has my heart in a choke hold.
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
#utmv#realageau#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#Cross Sans#Dust Sans#Killer Sans#horror Sans#I can't write short Drabbles and I am not sure if that is an issue at this point#Look at Nightmare realising he has a new family now :D only a little late wiht the program after being adopted four times in a row#Look we forgive him for this because he is six and used to being unwanted and unwelcome. It is all new for him.#Originally this was about Killer giving the stump a piece of his mind#Then it was about Nightmare taking care of the graves and seeing Dream#and then i decided to combine the two concepts and here we ARE! :D#They are still learning and settling into their family dynamics but they are making so much progress! I love them :D#Also I had the mental idea of Horror seeing what they all tried so hard to never have to deal with again and still daring to commit to#this that combined those aspects...#<- these tags probably don't make sense but i am keeping them!#Killer however did show off his undying loyalty. Boy was the most loyal and devoted and it took him a while but he is here again!#I am going to fix my links now
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oh merrill...
#I LOVE YOU MERRILL YOU MAKE ME INSANE#she did something mountainous and nobody cared. she reversed the effects of the blight with blood magic!!!#the lengths she went to to try and rediscover elven history...marethari how could you blame her when you were the one who taught her?#you told her how important elven history is#can you blame her for listening#i think isabela would understand.#merrill did something people didn't want her to do#and just like that people turned on her#her whole clan wanted her dead and the party slaughtered them..........augh#the banter between merrill and fenris after you kill the elves...fenris have you no heart#fenris! she LOVED THEM she did it ALL FOR THEM#you know what it's like to be betrayed by family#you know what it's like to kill the people you loved!!#yes i am talking about his sister#i believe he loved her#oh merrill.#merrill is so empathetic and powerful and perceptive. if you think she's stupid YOU are the stupid one#she might be the only one in da2 that knows what's going on#she is so? kind. even when people (anders and fenris) treat her like a child to be chastised#anyway. temporary companion amell who learns of what merrill's doing to fix the eluvian#and realizes that blood magic could hold a cure to the calling#my amell is like. neutral good. but it's been so ingrained in her that blood magic is dangerous and bad that she shies away from it#her holding a dagger to her hand squeezing her eyes shut and slashing her hand open#blood pours and circles around her like a hungry animal#dragon age you haunt me like a wronged spirit that craves to be heard#merrill#merrill art#dragon age#peren procreates#calm down per
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Question for no particular reason if someone, not me, hypothetically wrote a fix it fic where Izuku goes back in time to save a young Tenko, would you, the audience, prefer that to take place BEFORE Tenko kills his entire family with Decay or AFTER
#I actually am curious bc like. The fix it fics I have seen with this premise all take place AFTER Tenko kills his family#And I do feel like it would be more fun to write from that point forward#But if it were before. Tenko would still have his sister and his mom and his grandparents and his DOG. You know?#And the plot hole that comes to mind is why wouldn’t Izuku go back to before Tenko killed them all#If he has the ability to time travel anyway he’d want to save Tenko’s family too right?#But Izuku taking Tenko under his wing or placing Tenko in the care of another hero is also so good……#AGHHH. AGHFHDH. DECISIONS. I MEAN HYPOTHETICAL DECISIONS.#If it’s after Tenko uses Decay I could probably figure out some way to fill that plot hole. Maybe Izuku just couldn’t go that far back#If it’s before tho that would also be fun bc Kotaro would face repercussions too 😏#Thoughts for after the poll ends I suppose 🤔#BNHA#MHA#Anyway I’ve come to respect and appreciate Shiga as a character and a villain a lot more#But GODDD I wish he became a hero. I wish someone had saved him#Izuku would have. Hence the time travel. Lol#Shima speaks
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A few days ago, I was listening to my Spotify playlists and one of my favorite songs started and I'm like "Oh yay! :3" and then very quickly went to "Oh shit" bc it fits Caprice EXTREMELY WELL
So, saying that, I'm making a Caprice playlist bc I have 4 songs I can think of off the top of my head that fit him (one being the one he sings in episode 19).
Anyway, the song is Dirty Imbecile by The Happy Fits. It's especially pertinent after what happens in episode 19 sob sob
youtube
I chose the lyric video bc I NEED you to read the lyrics and agree with me lol. It also fits bc there's a cello in there (I think it's a cello)
One line I feel like I need to highlight right away is this:
Darling, dearest, don't you see?
I'm tough, I'm smart, I'm bourgeoisie
And I'll play out this lie until we're all dead
There's more but I'm not gonna dissect the whole song (I could). But I was hit like a truck with this. Other songs are Saint Bernard by Lincoln, Main Character by Will Wood (bc someone else on Tumblr mentioned it), and A Better Son/Daughter by Kilo Riley (the infamous song he sings in ep 19 (which is fucking OWCH)). If y'all have any Caprice songs, pls let me know!!!! If I get enough songs, I'll share the playlist :))))
#I am so unwell#i can't be normal about anything ever that post was right#crying over a fictional character AGAIN#rilo kiley is killing me holy shit#i just want to fix all his problems#i want him to have his happy life and family :(#blaming my tears on the fact that I woke up at 4:30 this morning#character playlist#i wanna add some mother falcon to this too...#bc stringed instruments yeah#caprice de sesto#legends of avantris#beneath dark wings#loa#caprice my shaylaaaaaa#Youtube
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listen, i absolutely get ramon not wanting to talk to sunny & feeling hurt/betrayed by her helping tubbo
like, i'd hazard he might even feel more betrayed by them than tubbo himself—bc sunny & ramon probably talked about what family meant to him (during their sleepovers or something) and ramon has no insight into why they'd do that whereas tubbo, for all his actions have hurt ramon, very clearly has the emotional capacity of a wet paper plate and issues running deeper than marianas trench
but that makes it all the more heart wrenching that he won't hear her out (and you can see in the backgrounds of vods her multiple attempts over several days to get his attention just to be rebuffed) bc i bet if she could explain herself even a little things could be so different
it reminds of the situation from the other week where sunny wasn't talking with em and tubbo tried to explain that, even if you're mad at them, suddenly stopping talking to someone you love could make them feel awful and worse than you intended
and that is what's happening to sunny. it's miserable to see bc she was already so isolated and ramon, as her big brother, is someone she put a lot of trust in to be there for her and listen to her and it must feel to her like that was an empty promise to have him not even hearing her out.
and it's particularly tragic bc sunny didn't even want to mess with fit and pac. yes, she was "tempted" to aid tubbo in his quest, but I really don't think it was bc she was actually worried about being left behind when she agreed. i think she could tell tubbo was scared and hurting and not ready to accept the change and didn't want him to be alone. she didn't really have another option and every adult can see that but ramon is young and blinded by his hurt
and now sunny is left feeling abandoned and forgotten and replaced and it's exactly what their pa said would happen; self fulfilling prophecy :(
#qsmp sunny#qsmp ramon#and it IS tubbo's fault#but the trust fractured between sunny and ramon isn't something I think he can fix#they need to talk themselves#he's set his own daughter up to experience exactly what he feared#and the extra sad thing is that his base fears weren't even misplaced#the morning crew dynamics are shifting with the relationship and with the return of mike and addition of bagi#and they are the most vulnerable to being left behind#and he lashed out bc of it but sunny is accidentally suffering the most#where ramon got a huge explosion of family sunny just got more isolated#where everyone can see tubbo's insecurities a mile off sunny's are more hidden#where tubbo can talk his mouth off sunny's voice is silenced just by looking away from her#like she's SO vulnerable#i am going insane thinking about how vulnerable she is it's so horrible#qtubbo please i know ur just a mentally ill 20yo crying for help but she needs so much support and ur the only one there#qsmp
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yes mutuals i am doing super well don't worry about me
#hastily covers sketchbook filled with drawings of jamie miller#as if drawing him enough will make me feel better.#as if drawing him enough will change some part of our shitty reality.#as if i can fix the problem with these doodles.#big weird long vent here ->#i see a lot of myself in jamie miller. i see him as a mirror of what i could've been if i was born AMAB.#i also grew up with not quite outright abusive; but neglectful parents#i grew up with a father with terrible anger issues and a mother who was emotionally neglectful with a facade of caring.#i grew up with not enough attachment to either of them.#i was never shown how to open up to adults. every time i was never valued or supported. and so i stopped.#i grew up not knowing how to talk to adults about my feelings. i coped by dumping all my things on my child friends.#things i really should have gone to adults about. things i should have gone to a counsellor about.#things i needed help for. many of my friends were in similar situations and thus did the same thing.#and when i was ostracised from irl social groups i too turned to online communities.#i didn't end up in the manosphere#but i did get abused multiple times. i did get myself into toxic places and mindsets. i stayed for longer than i should've.#i am a trans man#i want nothing more than to have been born AMAB#(my personal experience - not all trans men!)#but i wonder what i would be if i was. would i too be a murderer? would i become that?#i feel a certain fondness for Jamie that i can't describe.#he is no sociopath and he is no saint. i do not think he should be idolised or demonised.#i want to hold him and cry. for myself. for him. for Katie. for the real people this happens to. for his family. for my own.
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thinking So hard about the fact that fabian’s little sibling + figs step sibling is going to be immortal and get to have the rest of their whole life to have a mom who isn’t drinking everyday . they’re going to know who their real parents are while fig had to find that knowledge through her own volitions . im thinking so hard about abnormal things
#this is so dramatic but also like gilear is so sad and pathetic [ / lovingly ] that I don’t see ppl being up that even he told fig#that she wasn’t a faeth#like she needed support and answers and everyone kept denying her that . like she has her own shit doing on 😔#i don’t think hallerial + gilear r gonna be perfect parents cuz they don’t exist but i am Also So awestruck that they wanna start a new#family Right after they kinda just fixed their bonds with their current kid#at least in gilears case . it took 3 seasons for fabian to reconcile with his dad and His mom Literally was not present in his life besides#maybe a few months . GIRLIEEEEEEE#anywayz this is so dramatic and very tism post I have lots of thoughts . rip fig and fabian at least u have each other <//3#fantasy high#fabian aramais seacaster#fig faeth#alcoholism#ask to tag#Taya text#Okay also this is not a post Blaming a literally non existent baby that was announced 5 seconds before end credits but the action of parents#its the Possible comparison of how they could be raised better because Fabian and fig had to go through what their sibling won’t and shou#shouldn’t have been through .
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You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:
Amane joins the Kajiyamas
Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room
I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive
And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other
But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag
I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world
Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)
OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O
I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.
I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3
I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."
Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...
I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;
#milgram#amane momose#fuuta kajiyama#i am going to think about this nonstop now 😭✨#ive literally been thinking of how much i love their sibling relationship but didnt consider them becoming Actual siblings ;---;#my heart...#the way i interpret the family theyd be able to give her a good mix of treating her like an adult and still giving her the 'childish' care#that she missed out on#and that honesty would just be really healthy for her#she learns not to fear punishment because if someone has a problem with her theyll just say it and move on#she is also a very straightforward person so shed communicate well with all of them#and yeah... i never realized how good an older sister would be for her but thats perfect#also i dont think fuuta is that fucked up lol but it sounds like he has no commitment to school/his future#so once he realizes he wants to help amane and be there for her he really buckles down on everything#if anyone can Fix Him amane can asdfsdfs#now im picturing all the adults scrambling to prepare themselves and trying to figure out if they're in a state to take on a new child#the time comes to leave milgram and they plan this whole speech to ask amane who she'd feel most comfortable living with and all this stuff#then they spot her walking away with fuuta while hes actively trying to get her to stop following him 💀💀💀#ask#rose posts
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Parentalbond Horror
*grinning* I am baaaaaaaack!! @spotaus get over here :D
So. I had the difficult choice on which drabble i wanted to write so For now I settled on this one because I haven't had the chance to write a drabble with Horror's pov since a while and that is a crime.
First Drabble here Prev Drabble here Next Drabble here
As always we go in unbeta'ed and unedited.
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Horror checks the windows again before turning back to the couch and seeing Nightmare just staring at him.
Horror tils his skull "sleep will be easier if you actually lay down...." And he looks pointedly at the couch.
Nightmare gains that stubborn glint in his sockets again as he huffs "I am fine. Not tired at all." he looks at the pile of bags in the corner of the room wishfully.
Horror has to keep his chuckling inside as he answers "Shame then that it is bedtime for young skeletons." And adult skeletons. Horror glances at the other three. All KO on the other couch, all still dressed in their normal clothes and none of them actually finished their meals.
Horror will have to pack up the leftovers. Make sure nothing goes to waste. But he will let them sleep for now and just make them eat a big breakfast. But all three had been running themselves ragged lately. Especially after the last encounter they had had with the Stars.
It meant they have been making more jumps and teleports and not going out as much to collect things to make it easier for them.
Horror walks over to them and puts one of the blankets in this apartment over them, he doesn't bother to try and pull them away from one another. The four of them always had the habit of sleeping in a pile and that habit only got worse once they started searching for Nightmare and reclaimed him.
Horror checks Ngihtmare's plate and smiles "You finished it all today." No wonder he is grumpier and more active than usual.
Nightmare pulls a face and crosses his arms. Horror walks over and nudges him at his shoudler "Sleep time." and he waits.
Nightmare grumbles more as he pushes the blankets and pillows around. Horror just crosses his arms as he waits. Nightmare huffs but lays his skull down on the pillow and glares at him.
Horror knows he is grinning but he is proud to say he doesn't actually snort or laugh at the grumpy face Nightmare is pulling. instead he moves closer slowly, the first week of watching Nightmare flinch at every movement and sound had been horrible, and puts the blanket over him as well.
Nightmare doesnt complain about it. Most likely becuase he just saw Horror do the same for the other three.
Horror nods and sits by him "Time to sleep." it is his turn to keep watch and he plans on taking ti seriously.
Nightmare huffs but just turns his face further into the pillow. Tiny body starting to relax with the simple comforts.
Horror tries to not be obvious as he keeps an eye on Nightmare.
Horror knows of course what is going on and he is trying to not give in. At least one of them should not give into the adopting.
Horror can admit he had been surprised that Dust was the first one to actually soul adopt Nightmare. Especially after only a week. It had been so fast and the transition between the before and after state had been so smoothly that Horror had honestly thought that Dust had done it on purpose and planned.
It would have made sense. Dust had been the one to find the book first and been the one to actually manage to get Nightmare back to them.
Only for it to become obvious that Dust had no idea what he had just done.
Soul adoption is a rather normal thing for monsters to do. Though in most universes they rarely happened as monsters don't tend to abandon children.
But well, Horror's AU had been one with starvation and a lot of fighting. People lost their lives in multiple ways. That meant quite a few orphans.
Soul adoption happened when an adult monster willingly took the role as caretaker for a younger monster who doesn't have a caretaker. There are a few more factors obviously but Horror doesn't know all of them of the top of his skull, especially not now with that hole in it.
What it comes down to? Nightmare is an orphan and has no one he could go to that could take care of them, and all of them know this. Dust found out first and surprisingly his soul was open enough to the idea to accept Nightmare as... well... his.
There are more hurdles in this situation of course. The fact that they Nightmare they knew was an adult, which is what Horror thinks is tripping up Cross. But Dust had been very quick with accepting that Nightmare is now a child and so immediantly treated him as one.
Killer took a bit longer but quickly fell into step as well. Calling Nightmare tiny boss and going from his right-hand-man to his babysitter, Killer's words not Horror's.
Horror is however a bit surprised that Killer also soul adopted Nightmare. In theory it shouldn't have happened as Nightmare at this time already had Dust as his caretaker and so technically didn't need one anymore.
Seems like Killer's soul didn't agree with that.
Horror can't say a lot about it though, seeing as he can feel it happening with himself as well. And he has no doubt that Cross is very close to giving into his own instincts and feelings concerning this as well.
The whole thing with their last interaction with the Stars is a very big give away. Even if Cross felt very embarresed by his own reaction.
At least Nightmare is no truly convinced that they won't harm him and will help him. Horror is happy they managed to get there and with it having only been a month since they took him with them. Horror can say they did a good job.
Nightmare has falled asleep.
Horror move slowly and silently and puts two fingers to the the side of his small belly and feels.
Horror may not have a lot of magic himself but his AU was left him with a very useful skill. Wiht how little food there was available and how little magic there was there came issues. One of the issues was that after a while the magic monsters had wasn't strong enough anymore to digest the food that the mosnters did manage to eat. meaning that even if the monster ate food they would not get any energy or new magic from it.
Meaing that even if they ate they would continue to starve.
Wiht how difficult it had been for Nightmare at first to eat or even remember to eat Horror had worried something simular may have happened. That being in the goop form had caused his own magic to grow too weak to be able to function fully.
But all Horror feels is the soft and quiet purr of NIghtmare's magic working hard to use the offered food to rebuild the babybones' small reserves.
Horror sighs a sigh or relieve and just watches Nightmare for a moment. Nightmare, having noticed the pressure on him, makes an unhappy sound and his socket flutters open to give him a sour look.
Horror chuckles as he whispers "I apologise." Horror is unsure how clear his answer is as Horror himself is purring like a loud law mower at this point.
Nightmare blinks at him, still looking like the tiniest little grumpy skeleton this multiverse has ever known, before closing his sockets again and turning on his side. surprisingly not away from the touch and light hold.
Horror watches the other. It is strange. They are all different yet Nightmare still has them all completely under his control. Yet it is in a completely different way and Ngihtmare now doesn't even seem to realise it.
Horror leans on the couch and watches their tiny charge just sleep. Horror had managed to keep the need to complete an adoption at bay by reminding himself that Nightmare already had a caretaker- well two and a half now, Horror is sure that all Cross still needs to complete the soul adoption is a tiny nudge. Horror thinks that Cross is jsut thinking too much about it and doubting his own instincts and feelings.
But that still leaves Horror, and what he wants to do. He figured that it would be better to at least keep one of them unbiased in this nature, just in case that Nightmare suddenly turns into an adult again. But the longer this went on the less likely it seemed to Horror.
Not to forget. Horror doesn't even think Nightmare wants to be an adult again. Not now that he is a child but doens't have to vigilent every moment of every day.
Does he technically already have caretakers? Yes. Does Horror still want to count himself as one? Yes.
So. He just picks for himself.
Horror moves slowly and quietly as he picks Nightmare up. Nightmare grumbles in his sleep at being moved but calms when his magic recognises Horror.
Horror gets comfortable on the couch and lays Nightmare on his sternum. He can still feel the tiny soul beat and pulse fast even through two shirts.
Horror pulls the blanket back over Nightmare and waits.
It doesn't take long as Horror can feel the slight pull on his magic and energy. Hardly noticable and Horror doubts that if he wasn't so paranoid about his own levels he would have noticed.
It is something tiny monsters do. To help stabalise and sharp their own magic they try to take tiny bits of their parents, or caretakers in this case, to help guide them. It all happens naturally.
Horror just holds the tiny babybones closer and feesl Ngihtmare's soul slowly start to match Horror's own soulbeat and he feels all the calmer.
Now it is pretty much done. Horror will have to probably deal with this decision one day but for now he is happy. Their tiny babybones is comfortable and everyone is resting. Tomorrow they will have to worry about getting supplies and where they can go and eventually where they will sleep that night.
But right now? Right now he doesn't have to worry about that. and all he ahs to worry about is that their babybones is comfortable and healing.
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First Drabble here Prev Drabble here Next Drabble here
#utmv#RealAgeAU#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#horrortale sans#horror sans#bad sanses#gang as family#drabble#okay that are the notes :D#I love the different energy i gave horror :D#the others accidentally adopted Nightmare. Horror however knew damn well what he was doing and wanted in.#also cross is like. a tiny tiny nudge away from adopting nightmare as well#but he is stubborn so Cross managed to keep his instincts from doing the thing the longest#but yeah!! a bit more world building and lore in there :3#Love me some lore :D#I Got so many ideas for drabbles you all#I do worry what will happen once i run out of ideas because i am going through them at a FAST PACE#it is like i am speed running fic writing#but yeah that is it :D for now :3#I will also be uploading a poll soonish with different ideas for new drabbles. give you a sneakpeak#and see what you guys are more excited about#ALSO ALSO#be proud. a bit of a shorted drabble again :D#I need to chill with the length of these things#okay that was it for now. Time to fix some links#Will I ever make the links all look the same?#no. I won't.#but they will work and go to the right place!
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this might singlehandedly obliterate all my cred as a person with good opinions in this fanbase but across the void is. kind of not that bad.

#sorry i hated on it with the rest back in 2018 or whatever#i even kind of like. god i can’t even say it.#i kind of like pax and eos…………#like dont get me wrong they SUCK. they are AWFUL. the sight of eos’s stupid fucking smirk makes me want to shatter his skull#but like….i have sisters. that IS how it is. like it is so easy to immediately buy into their family dynamics#it’s. god. i might throw up just saying this. god might strike me down for not being a hater. waiting on the thunderbolt rn.#it’s a well written sibling relationship. that i fucking hate them both and yet am forced to peacekeep is so unbelievably real.#and titania is hot. and kepler is hot. UGH.#hardly the best thing they’ve ever written but i see her potential…….i can make her better i can fix her……..#maeve speaks#playchoices#choices#across the void#choices across the void#choices atv#eos elara#pax elara
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any time i make a joke about his death or act nonchalant know it is a paper thin phase and i can get terribly upset at a moment's notice
#out of character › rambling again.#i don't think i rb his death scene usually bc i WILL get upset#whatever whatever. i don't care. he's free from dealing with the train wreck that's their family that's what matters 🙏#i need to focus so i can get back to making jokes about it#(i am at work but i'm translating a document + attempting to see if technical support will come and get my pc#to HOPEFULLY get it fixed soon so - probably around)
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i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo.
#and also. not enough#that one big summary of his Deal was like . 1k words.#and it brushed over so much shit#like his trust issues and the vacation arc and his criminal background (on qsmp) and the way he was the first to take protecting the#eggs seriously and i dont even KNOW enough about his relationship with maxo and the french that is a big blindspot for me but bad and max#(and foolish?) og founders of the theory bros the first people who started questioning cucurucho and then the french his family the people#who keep proving to be on his side over and over and i love it when he hangs out with pierre and talks create#and when he chills with antoine and helps fix the big spinning ring#and his WEIRD warrior's bond with etoiles (bad always gets along with the protectors have you noticed that#forever was the second big egg protector and baghera took care of pomme from the start and cellbit threw himself to the feds to try to help#the island and etoiles took the weight of the code attacks from bad's shoulders to his own in entirety. he respects them all a lot and i am#chewing him to pieces)#and his relationship with baghera!!!! she can read him so so well and he fucking trusts her enough to be dapper's mom#he may have felt weird about it and was jealous and :c because tahts HIS dapper but#he didn't kill her about it#or really do anything to discourage it#and he noticed her tear streaks and her leg and got Worried about the federation 'fixing' her and#genuinely he was so so happy when he realized she was back he went !!! mode#look. LOOK at these fucking tags. look back at the post. i can Keep Talking.#my point remains i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo#shit and i didn't even TALK about his weird bullshit with foolish#i need a giant corkboard
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i like how the american dad fandom collectively headcanons that roger had terrible, ab//sive parents back on his home planet
like take a look at this goofy alien guy: hes an alc//h//lic, he has traits of a multiple personality disorder, hes an addict, he has very clear abandonment issues and went on a family bender, he smokes; all those things right there are DEFINITELY trauma responses like he clearly has LOTS of trauma he isnt properly dealing with
he even keeps his dad in the smiths freezer and takes a bite of it every year on his bday for gods sake like he aint right in the head
#ik ik rog is an asshole a lot of the times and you shouldnt use trauma as an excuse for your actions-#and the whole ‘his species needs to be mean to survive’ thing-#but CLEARLY hes dealing with some serious issues here#like what has my babey boy been through?!???#istg if they dont make a decent roger backstory in the near future i am going to loose it#i need his backstory so badly 😭😭😭#i am happy though with the tidbits of his life here and there in the series#i like to think that the smiths have tried to get roger the help he needs multiple times like in family affair-#but he dismisses it says hes too ‘superior’ for it or goes once and thinks everything is fixed#i also like to think that when rog first came to the smiths and they treated him like the rest of the family-#he was taken aback at first bcuz he wasnt used to such kindness and hospitality from caregivers#i could go on and on with this but i wont lol#i could write a freaking novel based on hcs and theories i have regarding this show#ive officially got ad brainrot yall#american dad#roger smith#ad talk
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