#so his ex might have more chance of just being some cishet dude. idk i dont know him
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finally got enough ideas formed for these characters whose basic things have been sloshing around in my brain for a couple months to try and design them enough to introduce them today. also i wanted to design another lion. this is dominic and his daughter carmen! i wanted art of them interacting in this post but ive spent like five hours staring at my laptop so expect it some other time lol
little fun tag i want to add onto this, it occurred to me while deciding on carmens species and i talked abt it w averi cuz it was an interesting concept to me; hybrid animals are named using the first half of the fathers name, but carmen has two biological fathers ('fathers' only technically since only ones her DAD and present in her life), so out of her choices she calls herself a liger instead of a tigon bcuz her tiger parent wasnt involved and it would be confusing to random ppl if her dad and her didnt use it lol. the times she did meet him were probably like chance run-ins dominic had with him while she was there
#posting at almost 1 am babeyyy#my art#ocs#furry#anthro#lion#tiger#liger#i dont ever draw kids but i think she reads as one lol. look up pictures of lion cubs NOW#dominic will get a fullbody design .. when i feel like it#carmen had some stripes but they clashed too much w her cub spots which also dont rly read as cub spots but whatever#also it is possible that when dominic did run in2 his ex he thought dom was his ex gfs brother honestly#dom didnt know he was bi till after he started transitioning andhad the space to actually think abt it#so his ex might have more chance of just being some cishet dude. idk i dont know him
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Best buckle up buttercupz cause this bout to get splodie
Everything will be under a cut because there is high probability this gets TMI really fuckinā quick and yāall donāt need that in your lives unless you really give that much of a shit about my bedroom activities.
As those who have been with me previously know, this is all stream of consciousness and also apparently my brain has forgotten most spelling rules so if shit starts not looking like words, itās not you i promise.
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I honestly donāt know where to start with this one. Iāve got...a lot of things to go over.
So. If youāve been following my adventures as of late, I decided to follow a whim and go with a guy I barely know up to Pittsburgh to help him get all his shit out of his old apartment and bring it back down this way close to where I live.Ā
Things to note about this guy: I met him...uh...2??? weeks ago??? on Bumble which is Tinder but less shitty (but still kinda shitty).
Uh...maybe backing up even more???
*headdesk* oh damn this is a lot hang on.
So. End of April I finally ended things for good with my long term boyfriend. Teal deer, things did not go smoothly there and shit ended badly when I was finally able to move out at the beginning of May. There were like...2ish weeks where we were broke up and I was still living with him.
Iāve had some pretty whacked out emotional responses to this upheaval. I legitimately thought he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I wantedĀ that. But he was abusive and not willing to take responsibility for his part in the end of our relationship. So that sucked, but I apparently hadnāt loved him in ages so that part was less painful. I have been far more broken up about losing my two boys in the end of the relationship. I legitimately feel like Iāve lost my children and that fucking sucks and no one fucking understands cause 1) theyāre cats and 2) no one i know has done this and had to leave their babies, they usually got to keep their babies. and thatās fucking...
ANYWAY.
About a month? ish ago? I decide fuck it I think I can handle brief and casual attachments so I can have regular sex for the first time in YEARS. cause of course we move in together and the well dries up completely so like, that was not fun. Have a high sex drive and apparently he did not. Anyway, having fun meeting dudes, casual sex and figuring out how to navigate single life and hookup culture.Ā
There are a couple guys who are prospective long term candidates but like...idek if thatās what I want out of any of this??? because Iām still healing? and trying to keep my feet up underneath me in more than a few ways. Iām also trying to keep my trauma on the DL cause itās really fucking easy for people to take advantage of me and my issues - itās kind of how I keep getting into shit relationship situations.
So, like. Tinder and Bumble are fun because I forget that itās meant to be for meeting people? I just like being super shallow andĀ āsortingā my choices intoĀ āyeah I could see having a connection with that oneā andĀ āabsolutely the fuck notā. Iām 27 and kind of a terrible person on the inside. I overcompensate by being a fucking kindness deathray so i think thereās balance maybe.
Dude comes across my bumble and the fun thing with bumble is if youāre showing as W4M on there, you get to initiate contact. Which is terrifying at first until you realize you literally only have to say hi. So yeah, dude is hella cute, profile doesnāt suck, I swipe like (right, I think?). Itās a match! I open with a simple hi. basic chitchat, whatever.
we go out for a date to a location close by that I actually trust because oh hey heās moving down this way and has good taste in bars. Food and drinks are had. Take him back to mine cause like, heās fuckin GORGEOUS. and funny. and smart.Ā
And heās likeĀ āyeah Iāll spend the night, but I wonāt fuck you til weāre sobered up.ā Which, i mean, be still my beating heart, yeah? (I WARNED you this was going to be TMI yāall. if this is already too much I totes get it, itās likely not going to be any better further on). So we go to sleep, and maybe I have a hard time sleepign but Iāve *had* a hard time sleeping. We wake up, do the sexing, and then he buys me coffee. Like, not only did he pay for the entire date the night before, tell me he will not have sex with me while thereās a chance i might be drunk, is just fucking...amazing in bed, but he BUYS ME COFFEE.
So like, alright, this is one Iāll keep around for a while cause Iām doing casual shit, yeah? nothing serious, nothing with attachments. no strings. just free food and sex.
Oh and did I mention heās a cuddler???? but like? a cuddler that cuddles the way I like cuddling???? do you *know* how hard it is to find that??? Iām apparently very specific in my cuddle preferences.Ā
So whatever, we exchange numbers (which I do not do with people from these apps until Iām comfortable with them). Heās also got multiple girls heās seeing right now and thatās totally chill and like, itās clear nothingās going to go quickly here, just fun.
Talking - heās very clever and does the sentence making doing well. He and one of the other girls heās seeing goes up to P-burgh to begin the great migration, he calls me while heās out there, and heās got some shit going on in his life and Iām like, thatās some drama youāve got there. Itās shitty for you, hope it gets better, yeah? They come back down, and he drops by to hang out and grab some of the shit he left at mines. Heās waiting to get into his new place nearby, and he needs a place to stash his stuff and I have a relatively safely located appartment so Iām like. I think I got a corner for some shit. Then heās likeĀ āhey, wanna go to [area heās moving to where his parents also live]ā and Iām like, sure. Iām down for a quick road trip.
weāre out that way and heās likeĀ āHey thereās this park this way and thereās a lodge or whatever I think youāll likeā and Iām like,Ā āk I like parks!ā and as we travel out and heās telling me about it Iām realizing this is not like...slide and swingset park, this is national park style stuff. And Iām likeĀ āOh shiiiit I know where weāre going heās right I do like it!ā we get out there and itās rainy but we hike a little for s&gs, and then heās like letās go inside and all the sudden weāre getting a room for the night???? and this is not your mommaās motor-hotel on the side of the road, this is a kinda swanky lodge and iām like???? okay???? wish iād known or iāda packed better for an overnight???
so like...yeah I have a great time, itās beautifulĀ out there. Like...idk if any of you are familiar with the Blue Ridge Mountains, but the fuckinā...the ParkwayĀ yāall. Is one of my favorite places to be and this is right the fuck there and itās great. The weatherās nice, the food is delicious, clearly I enjoy the company, I have a blast.
We stay the night, get up in the morning and head back to mine and we chill for a minute and I change clothes cause eww iām wearing clothes Iāve hiked in. I get comfy and ready for a nice day chillin at home. And heās likeĀ āSo. Wanna come up to Pittsburgh with me?ā Iām now Iām familiar with his planning methods which are none. So i figure itās a quick overnight, maybe 2 nights and Iām likeĀ āFuck it, sure.ā I pack a little better but Iām wearing my contacts and Iām likeĀ āI can totallyĀ sleep in these a couple nights and be fineā and I just kinda...am in his car on a 7+hr drive to Pennsylvania.Ā
And heās really easy to get along with. Of course for some reason my period just shows up 3 weeks early out of fucking nowhere which put a little damper on shit but I didnāt have to worry because we werenāt only spending a couple nights up there. We spent nearly a week up there for...reeaassoonnnns?????
I wait til day 3 and Iām likeĀ āSo...uh, idk if you know this but I had no idea weād be up here this long or iād have brought another outfit? and some toiletries?ā And he is like...Ā āUm...I didnāt mean to like, abduct you or anything. do you need me to take you back???ā To which I respond that all I want is an idea of how long heās planning on being up there so i can best make adjustments where necessary and that the only date I *have* to be back for is my sisterās bday which is Friday.Ā
This is all fine and we work it out, but I realize that he doesnāt doĀ āplanningā apparently. So I get really good at being proactive with trying to figure out what his expectations are.
Heās your typical 28yo white cishet dude. You know what Iām talking about, so some of the stuff I expressed concerns with, I am trying to temper with the fact that heās literally just as dumb about the world as my dad is and my dadās a decent person - an idiot about how the world actually works but a decent person.Ā
And like? Itās really annoying being near him because he does everything the way I specifically like it? And I never said a damn thing??? because I donāt talk about my particular eccentricities wrt my preferences in how i like being touched/shown affection/cuddled? So he wouldnāt know???Ā
Really fucking annoying cause Iām trying very hard to make it so my heart doesnāt take over when Iām really trying hard to be chill and casual and clearly he is just wanting to be casual and shit but then he says things? and itās like...so off-handed and flip but gives my heart the flutters because?? maybe thereās more than just a small potential?
I get real tetchy on my period and put up with a lot less, i was also less than properly medicated so that did not help, but like...I never got to the point I used to get to with my exes where I just...couldnāt handle being around them or their normal ass selves. This guy does things that are annoying sure, and I had less patience for it than normal and then like 2 seconds later heās literally out of one of my romantic fantasies about how i would like the perfect guy to treat me? and be around me?Ā
*sigh*Ā
Anyway, I had a great time in Pittsburgh cause Iād never been and he found my weakness because Iām a ho for some museums and art and shit and he took me to the carnegie mellon museums and let me just wander around like a doof with my jaw on the floor the whole time. Also we did some other stuff and he took me to Fallingwater which was like an hour or so away from P-burgh but was soooo cooooool.
Oh and I didnāt even mention the real kicker in all of this. He *gets* what iām going through because heās been in my shoes previously and itās fucking mindblowing so he knows what to say and how to do the nice? and like???
ITāS NOT FUCKING FAIR IāM NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT HEART. YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME BE AND LET ME JUST APPRECIATE THAT HEāS PRETTY OKAY???
I hate the universe. Thanks tho, U-girl. I know you got my back.
so. Thatās whatās been going on. Got back home safely, heās got his own place like 30mins to an hour away, easier access to the other girls heās seeing right now, and I have time to properly process and catalog my thoughts before I see him again.
Cause Iām gonna. Heās *damn* good in bed.
#life post#no really there's a lot of TMI in here#read at your own risk#ya girl's a disaster panda still but at least i'm chill about it rn
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