#so heres to hoping it'll show its dumb face this time :')

[haologram]

araneae 🕸️ k.sy

🕸️ synopsis: when you realize your friend (with benefits) actually has feelings for you, a tangled web of lies and avoidance ensues.

🕸️ genre: friends with benefits au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers because it's the only trope ever ; ta x student dynamics ; fluff, angst & smut (surprise?)

🕸️ pairing: zoology ta!kwon soonyoung x marine biology major!reader | side pairings: joshua hong x sana minatozaki ; vernon chwe x roh jisun (fromis_9) ; lee chan x jung haerim (weki meki) | mentions of: reader x yuta nakamoto (nct) ; reader x lee sangyeon (the boyz); hoshi x lee luda (wsjn) ; hoshi x choi yujin (kep1er/clc)

🕸️ word count: 18.9k (WE GOT IT UNDER 20K LETS GOOOOOO!)

🕸️ rating: 18+. minors do not interact i beg.

🕸️ warnings: this definitely more of their dynamic/relationship than him being her ta… ; mentions of knife play (none involved), alcohol, pink whitney gets its own warning as does everclear, mentions of un/protected sex (dw it'll get freaky later), mentions of cum, loss of virginity talk, mentions of marijuana (stoner!hoshi be off the honeypacks!!), mentions of STD testing (GET TESTED YOU FREAKS!) [smut warnings: multiple scenes ; mostly hoshi using sex as an apology ; oral (f. receiving) ; unprotected sex (hoshi x reader only) ; face sitting ; hoshi is a hopeless romantic and loves missionary ; they fuck mostly in their respective homes (read: he eats her out in a closet)] i think that’s it! lmk if i missed anything!

🕸️ what to listen to: good kisser - usher ; magic stick - lil' kim ; lie - bts ; spider - hoshi ; home - seventeen.

🕸️ author’s note: just an fyi, the smut is AWFUL and i'm not entirely happy with this🤩 but anyway, it’s finally here, the final installment of the seventeen ta collab!! special thanks to @camandemstudios for allowing me to be a part of this wonderful success, and i hope to be involved in more collabs in the future (also thank you so much for your patience, i know waiting for me to be able to post was infuriating.) enjoy stoner!hoshi…loser!hoshi? loverboy!hoshi…also somewhat bitchless!hoshi.

LAST YEAR – Sunday, October 23.

You were never opposed to a nice Halloween party. Lots of thematic drinks, stupid boys dressed as Ghostface trying to explore knife kinks, and girls going all out with their glitter make-up and tinsel in their hair for the optimal fairy costume.

You loved a good Halloween party, music blasting out of the speakers that were stolen from the AV Club by the softer version of the Beta Tau Omega brothers. Dancing with strangers in sweat-soaked facades, and waking up with smeared face paint all over your neck and shoulders from whatever disguised hook-up you'd taken home that night.

Last night's rager had to have been one for the books, because you have no idea how you ended up in this absolute mess of a bedroom – owned by none other than your close friend, Kwon Soonyoung. The same Kwon Soonyoung who also happens to TA the class you've put off taking for the last two years, and are set to start taking the upcoming spring semester.

The same Kwon Soonyoung that was related to the wife of the Dean, and the same Kwon Soonyoung that showed up everywhere stoned or ready to get stoned. The very same Kwon Soonyoung that made infused pre-rolls and edibles for nearly the entire campus…for free. Even you could see that was a horrible business call, and you were a Science major.

Soonyoung who helped people sneak kittens into their dorm rooms and make homes for them under lofted beds. Soonyoung, who taught a dance class and self-defense class back to back, so he was never free until after nine at night. Soonyoung who made hanging out seem like he was trying to get into your pants because he was just naturally flirtatious (and somehow, still absolutely bitchless.)

Soonyoung who you've kissed twice since meeting him two years ago, both times at Halloween parties hosted by his stupid fraternity. Soonyoung, who has had his hand up your skirt twice before someone interrupts you by asking if he has any weed at hand. He always does, and it's always in his car or his bedroom. He always goes, and a part of you, no matter how into it you may be, knows it's for the best.

He keeps his circle small, of friends that is. You were added to the mix sometime after your first Halloween party (and first kiss together) your freshman year, when he slammed into you in the middle of the economics hallway, breaking your laptop in the process. He'd felt so bad he took you to Best Buy that same night and shelled out two grand for a new one and even invited you out to lunch the next day.

He did not remember making out at all. To be fair, neither did you until the digital photos came back and he texted you a picture of the two of you kissing against the Beta Tau Omega insignia on the wall. You were so embarrassed you avoided him for a week after, but he quickly forced you out of your dorm for a movie night. The two of you became fast friends, bonding over silly little things and enjoying each other's company – but it didn't stop the rumors from flying that you were a freshman stealing a guy from the sophomores.

You remember that he adamantly denied any and every dating rumor flung your way, and even went as far as distancing himself from you for a bit – but when you tried to pull the same move he had earlier that year, he said maybe it was best for the two of you to remain friends from a distance. You didn't speak to him for the rest of the year, choosing to spend your time with friends your age and even dating a transfer student named Yuta Nakamoto, who was also in Soonyoung's year.

When word got around, Soonyoung was pissed – but didn't attempt to rekindle your friendship. He still followed you on Instagram, and still felt a bit of anger puddle in his stomach as he liked photo after photo of the two of you together, biting his tongue at the empty smile you held by his side.

This continued well into summer, and he saw the two of you take a trip to Jeju Island together, before breaking up the following week. Soonyoung heard from your friend, Nagyung, that he was transferring back and neither of you wanted to try long-distance.

The following school year, he watched as you got recruited by sorority after sorority – eventually joining his frat's sister sorority, Alpha Sigma Delta. You hardly had to rush, the girls actively pushing you to pledge and you were far too nice to say no.

You saw him again for the first time at the Halloween party planning, when you and your fellow pledges were tasked with helping the frat pledges in hauling in liquor. You weren't very happy about it, but Soonyoung whisked you away without a word from you, telling everyone that he needed your help with a certain task.

That task?

"Can we talk?"

And you did. You talked, and talked, and talked. He even left at one point to get drinks for the two of you, returning to you fishing through his bag of pre-rolls for the ones infused with lemon balm. He smiled, telling you they were in his car, and you rolled your eyes at it.

You kissed at that party, too. It went further this time – the two of you on Seungcheol's balcony. The idea had been to go up to the roof and get crossed, but it seems a rather tipsy Soonyoung had other ideas. You didn't mind it, in fact you encouraged it – you slipped his hand up your latex dress, you let him slip your panties down your legs.

"Hey, Hoshi! Do you have any pre-rolls?!"

Just as he'd started undoing his pants.

"Fuck, I'm sorry baby."

"It's fine."

You passed out in his bedroom that time, too tired to go back to the sorority house with your sisters. You got out of clean-up, and Soonyoung left you a kimbap roll and an electrolyte drink on his nightstand, with a note asking how you got there 'haha.'

It hadn't been fine. Again, neither of you remembered this happening until digitals were printed. And it was freshman year all over again – except this time, Soonyoung stuck around. Soonyoung defended you tooth and nail, and even dropped a few of his friends that bad-mouthed you. When you asked him about it, he shrugged, "Nothing wrong with kissing your friends every once in a while."

So, here you are. Again.

The third year in a row you and your stupid friend have made out, and somehow, you're in his bed. There's no other explanation as for why your underwear is across the room, hanging off his lamp and why his head is gently laying on your chest. There's literally no other explanation.

"Soonyoung." You rasp, patting his cheek. He doesn't stir, but pouts into your bare breast. "Soonyoung." You speak louder, shaking him slightly as he peels open one of his eyes.

"Yeah?"

It takes him a moment to realize that it's you, sprinkled with glitter from his eye look last night and practically doused in his saliva.

"Oh, fuck." He just furrows his brows, rolling off your chest with a groan. He sits up at the edge of the bed, surveying the room before realizing he's got no pants on. "Son of a bitch. Did we…Yup. Yup, it's right there."

His painted fingernails point at the discarded condom atop his dresser, flung hastily in a half-asleep attempt, most likely. You sigh, letting your head fall back on your pillow with a hmph. He does the same, his fingers only reaching up slightly to close the blinds with a jerk of the liftcord.

"You think it was good?" You ask with a small smile, and he snorts. "It was with you, I doubt it would've been bad."

Silence permeates the air again, before he sees your bare bottom half also covered in glitter. You have a tattoo on your hip that you didn't have when you first met. It's a stick-and-poke kitten. "Nice tattoo."

"Thanks, I got it on Jeju Island."

"When you and Yuta went?"

"Yup."

"Cool."

He sits up, peering down at you with tired eyes. "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"

"Hm?"

"Yuta."

"Oh. You want the truth?"

It's like being nude in front of each other isn't a big deal. It's like having slept together after years of being in limbo means nothing. It's all so normal, the way you allow him to practically eye fuck you.

"I was sad you stopped being my friend."

He blinks at you, watching the way you carefully pick at a thread loose in his comforter. You pull it out, discarding it behind you with a soft smile. "Does that answer your question?"

"You fucked another guy because I stopped being your friend?" He asks incredulously, and you shrug. "Not just, but it was a large reason."

"You lost your virginity to him." His eyes are wide, and you shrug once more, nodding your head.

"Yup."

"Did he make you cum?"

"Soonyoung-"

"Did he?"

You sigh, patting his comforter. "Not the first couple of times, no. He got better at it, though. It was decent."

Nodding, he clears his throat.

"Do you think I-"

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't remember much, just the Pink Whitney Mingyu gave me."

"Mingyu does love his Pink Whitney."

You flip onto your back again, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. Tucking your hands behind your head, you speak again. "Do you think I went down on you?"

"There's lipstick on my tip."

"What color?"

"Uhh…wine red."

You wipe a finger across your bottom lip, the small amount of residue a bloody, Cabernet red.

"Hm. Checks out."

The air feels…comfortable.

"Wanna shower?"

"Yeah."

"Can I shower with you?"

"Yeah, Soonie."

The two of you stretch simultaneously, before rolling to the side of the bed and standing up. He grabs the discarded condom off the dresser, holding it like a used tissue and taking it to the bin. You dig through his dresser for a towel, and he fishes out something for you to wear.

"Boxers okay?"

"Hm, I prefer briefs."

"On me or on you?"

"Your underwear choices are your business."

He holds up a pair of Spiderman briefs. You bite back your laugh and nod silently, extending your hand for them.

He disappears into his bathroom, flickering lights on and turning the shower head on. "Hot?"

"Boiling."

"Got it."

The both of you get in, and you close your eyes as the water pelts your back. Soonyoung says nothing as he moves your hair off your shoulders and away from your face, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"You should've asked me." He mumbles, reaching for the shampoo in the caddy behind you. Peeling your eyes open, you look up at him with a confused stare. "Asked you for what?"

He shrugs, holding the shampoo bottle upside down over his hand and squirting some out. "I would've made you cum the first time."

You snort, shoving his chest lightly. "Yeah, well…you didn't. It's fine."

"This isn't weird to you?"

"What? Showering together?"

"After fucking, yeah."

"Could be worse."

"How?"

"I could be that girl you've been flirting with since last year, wondering when you're going to text her back."

"Who? Yujin?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not flirting with her, what made you think that?"

"Stolen glances, flirty touches, you give her pre-rolls all the time."

He rolls his eyes as he cards his fingers through your hair, his dull nails scrubbing your scalp gently. Your eyes flutter shut, and he huffs. "I give everyone pre-rolls."

"Because you're a horrible business magnate."

"No, because I'm nice."

You smile without opening your eyes, your hands reaching out to touch his chest. His body feels good under your fingertips, you realize. "Are you mad you don't remember any of it?"

"Furious." He mutters, gently tilting your head back to wash the soap out. You can't see the way he's looking at the sweet slope of your neck, just barely making out small nips of his teeth across your throat. Your necklace hangs nicely.

The rest of the shower remains silent, as he carefully washes you before himself. His attention to detail is insane, the way his fingers hold the washcloth taut so he can feel every inch of you. He has to commit this to memory.

After, you're drying your hair with a random t-shirt he gave you. He remembers you told him that towels can be too rough for your hair texture sometimes. It's only when you're brushing your teeth with a brand new toothbrush he pulled from his cabinets that he speaks.

"Let me change my bedsheets."

"Don't wanna lay in the sin of fucking your friend, do ya?"

The navy blue sheets are quickly replaced by ones with light grey ditsy floral print, and his comforter is shoved off and replaced by a few throw blankets. He watches as you change his pillowcases, only looking away when he hears his phone ping.

Msg From: Cheol

[9:32am] hosh

[9:32am] who is the girl in ur room and is she missing a pair of cat ears

"What was your costume last night?" He asks, and you snort. "I was a sexy witch."

He smiles to himself as he picks up his phone.

Msg To: Cheol

[9:33am] not missing a pair of cat ears

[9:34am] and it's y/n

Your head snaps up when you hear a pair of feet thundering up the stairs, followed by silence. You give him an odd look, only to hear excited giggles down the hall and the pitter-patter of two adult men coming towards Soonyoung's room. You cross your arms as you hear the door creak open, an expectant look on your face as Jeonghan and Seungcheol's noses appear through the crack.

"Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Jeonghan remarks sweetly, and you just roll your eyes.

"He wasn't bluffing." He whispers to Seungcheol, receiving an annoyed huff from Soonyoung. "If you're done intruding on my personal business, I'd appreciate it if you left. The pledges still need to clean up last night's mess."

Jeonghan gives you a wry look. "Can I say something and you don't get upset?"

"If it's about sex, I will punch you in that pretty face of yours." You say pointedly, fluffing the pillow in your hand before throwing it onto his bed. Jeonghan purses his lips, nodding before sliding out from under Seungcheol. He nods his head, a satisfied look on his face. "Have a good…don't fuck too loud, okay?"

Soonyoung barely misses Seungcheol's face with the charger he throws across the room, his giggle being heard in the hallway as he barrels down the stairs.

"Idiots." He huffs, running a hand through his damp hair as you flop onto the bed. "You don't mind if I stay here a bit? My head's killing me."

He lays down next to you, a sigh escaping his lips.

"You okay, Soonie?"

Turning only his head, he scans your face. Tired eyes lined with thick lashes, plump lips covered by the Aquaphor in his bathroom. Slightly unkempt brows and your shoulder tattoo peeking out from the collar of his shirt on your frame.

"Kitty?"

You grimace at the pet name, one he christened you with when the two of you met. He'd been dressed up as a cowboy, and dancing with a skeleton that was stolen from the comparative anatomy students (with the help of Junhui, of course.) He also had a lit joint between his fingers, one that sprinkled ash over your newly healed shoulder tattoo and made you yelp in pain.

"Shit, I'm sorry, kitty." He quickly put it out in a nearby ashtray, dusting your shoulder of any ash residue. "It's fine, it's fine. Just…can I get a hit?"

"Yeah?"

He sits up, leaning against his bed frame before looking down at you.

"Would it be weird if I asked to try again?"

You glance up at him, an amused smile playing on your lips. "Try what again, exactly?"

He clears his throat, a beet red blush coating his cheeks. "You said Yuta didn't make you cum. And we don't know if I made you cum. So…can I have a redemption round?"

You've sat up at this point, a small laugh falling from your lips as you push your hair back, "You want to fuck me?"

"I can just go down on you, if, uh…if that's what you'd prefer." He stutters, mentally cursing himself. You glance at him, eyes scanning his face. "And we're still friends after this? You won't dump me?"

"I won't. I promise. Cross my heart, kitty." He holds his pinky finger out, insinuating you link yours. Sighing, you do just that. "Fine. Hop to, I want breakfast."

He moves to kiss you, but you give him yet another amused look. "What are you doing, Soonie?"

"...Kissing you?" He gives you a confused look, and you scoff out a laugh. "You said nothing about kissing, Kwon."

He gapes at you, "How am I supposed to connect our auras if we don't kiss? I can't get hard if I don't get kissed, you know. I can't properly engage with… her, if you don't let me kiss you." He sits back on his haunches, explaining each point to you. You bite back your laughter, nodding along.

"Sculptors start from scratch, Soonyoung. I am art, awaiting your expert touch." You shrug as he finishes his spiel, and he furrows his brows. "Fine."

Sinking down to his stomach in front of you, ringed fingers palming at your thighs. You sigh, sucking your teeth as he noses at your skin, placing kisses on your stomach.

You scoot back slightly, resting your back against his headboard. He looks up at you as you roll your eyes, beckoning him forward with your hand as you shimmy out of the stupid Spiderman briefs. "Make it fast."

"Won't take me that long, anyway." He mumbles, pushing his hair out of his face before placing a chaste kiss on your exposed slit. "How do you like it? Just tongue? Messy?"

"Whatever you want, though I'm not super into fingering at the same time." You shrug, your own carding through his shaggy locks and holding him in place. He smirks against your skin, "Don't need them."

His tongue swirls carefully around your clit, the motion far too practiced to be out of the ordinary for him. He leans into your soft gasp, the gentle buck of your hips enough to help him bury his face into your wet heat. "Spit on it." You whisper, and he does just as you ask.

The taste is tart and heady, spreading around his tongue and chin as he expertly sucks on your swollen bundle of nerves. His eyes are closed as he sloppily collects your arousal, your whines growing frustrated as he holds your hips down. "F-Faster, Soonie."

He rolls his eyes, annoyed at your inability to relax as he obnoxiously moans against you, the vibrations making you squirm. "You're so mean." You pout, feeling him smile into you. He shrugs, closing his eyes before returning to his ministrations.

He feels you shift, peeling open an eye to see your hand under your shirt, rolling your nipple through your fingers with your lip tucked between your teeth. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, using your ankle to pull you down to his level. Your eyes shoot open the moment his hands are on the hem of your (his) shirt, tugging it over your head. You're pliant, agreeing with whatever he wants to do when you feel him grab your face gently, "Can I kiss you?"

You can't bite back your smile, making him roll his eyes as he leans in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. You feel your stomach buzz a bit, feeling his half-hard cock through his boxers pressed against you. You cant your hips up softly, earning a hiss as he nips at your bottom lip.

"Thought you said you can't get hard without kissing, Soonie. Tsk, tsk." You mock him, before your fingers reach for the waistband of his boxers, snapping the elastic against his skin.

"Take them off."

He snaps his head up to look at you, eyes wide as your hand dips below the waistband, gently wrapping around his length. He sighs at your touch, before pushing the underwear down his legs with his free hand. He reaches for the nightstand, digging out the box of condoms – empty.

"Fuck." He mutters, and you turn to see the empty box being flicked across the room. "Are you clean?" You ask with a click of your tongue, and he reaches in the same drawer and pulls out a folded piece of paper, handing it to you with a blush across his cheeks.

"A week ago." He whispers, and you shrug, tossing the results – all of which were negative – to the floor and smiling up at him. "Well, go on. You have a task to complete, Kwon."

"Are you sure?" He's talking to himself, dragging the tip of his cock through your wet folds, a soft whine from your lips as he circles your clit with his thumb. "Hurry up before I change my mind and tell everyone you can't make a girl cum."

Your threat is empty, he knows – but you see the way he rolls his eyes, easing the head of his cock into your aching hole. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, your fingernails digging into his back as he slowly bottoms out.

"Fuck." He mutters into your shoulder, before sinking his teeth into your skin and giving a slow thrust. A choked moan from your lips is his reward, as he sets a slow pace and drags his teeth across your chest. Your nails drag down his back gently as his tongue swirls around your nipple, making you whimper.

"Soonie.." Your whine is cut off by his hand across your mouth. "Don't, I'll cum." He admits against your chest, making you snort slightly. Your hand wraps around his wrist, pulling it off your mouth as you lean up to capture his lips in yours. It's sloppy but you don't care, feeling him roll his hips into yours slowly as your tongue slips into his mouth.

His whine into your mouth is nothing if not pitiful (read: hot.) Your laugh slips out as he readjusts his hold on you, folding your legs to your chest and fucking into you deeper. The new angle makes you let out a choked moan, his lips dragging along your jawline as he bullies his cock into you. 

It's almost like you can feel pride seeping through his pores as you whine into his skin, feeling his lips curl into a smile against your shoulder as he bites down softly. You're sure he's determined to ruin you for anyone else, his hand slipping between the two of you to toy with your clit.  The mix of sounds in his bedroom is obscene, but nothing is more embarrassing than the two of you jumping simultaneously when someone bangs on his door. Your hand flies over your mouth as they shout for you two to keep it down, making Soonyoung laugh, the tips of his ears turning pink as you clench around him. Your tummy starts to fill with warmth, the band threatening to snap as he peels your hand off your mouth for a searing kiss.

It's enough for the two of you to whimper, your fingers moving to curl into his hair, feeling the white-hot heat of your orgasm coursing through your body. He groans into your lips, and you can feel him fighting himself as he pulls out, his cum painting the stupid kitty tattoo on your hip.

The two of you are silent as you regain your composure, the room filled with soft pants as you brush your hair off your face. He clears his throat, and you almost instinctively roll your eyes as his question breaks the tension.

"On a scale of one to ten–" "I am not rating your stroke game, this is not RateMyDick.com."

His face buries into your neck, his breath warm against your skin as he scoffs out a laugh. Your fingernails trail lightly along his neck, his lips pressing soft kisses to your shoulders before he pushes off you.

"Pancakes?" He tilts his head, making you snort. "Are you paying?" "Fuck no, we can make Cheol buy." He scoffs, and you laugh fully this time. "Do you think Cheol feels like buying me the greasiest patty melt he can find?" "Whatever you want, kitty." He kisses the tip of your nose, making you scrunch it while pushing his head away. "That tickles, stop. Now get off me, I feel the need to spend Cheol's trustfund on food that will knock me out." He just smiles as he lifts himself off you, sliding off the bed in the direction of his bathroom. You can't help but feel a bit of anxiety pool in your lower belly, hearing the faucet running slowly before he reappears. You quickly smile, "You okay?" "Are you?" He echoes, his hand reaches for your thigh as he wipes you down gently with a damp washcloth. "Yeah, m'fine." He doesn't look convinced, giving you a raise of his brows as he tosses the washcloth to the side, offering his hand to help you sit up. When you do, he grabs the shirt you'd been wearing and carefully pulls it over your head – and if he feels the willful stare of your eyes on him, he says nothing about it.

"Are you having regrets?" He murmurs, reaching for the underwear he let you borrow. You sigh inwardly, shaking your head. "No. Just…it's silly."

"It's not silly, whatever it is you're feeling. We're friends, kitty. You can tell me." He shrugs, helping you up off the bed and leading you to the bathroom. "You're not gonna watch me pee, are you?" You tease, and he snorts.

"Do you want me to?" "Get out." He does. He shuts the door behind him, leaving the briefs on the sink. You sigh quietly, willing the negative thoughts away. You don't regret it, no – but it feels like your slight game of cat-and-mouse has ended. He's caught you, sunk his teeth into you and now you're dead.

You reach for the briefs, pulling them over your ankles and up to your knees while you sit. You hear him rustling around, before hearing the door to his room open and shut. A wave of sadness flows over you, and you wonder if he really meant it. That he wouldn't leave this time – he hadn't last year, after he took your underwear off in Seungcheol's room (and stuffed the pair of pink panties in his pocket – something you never heard the end of when Jeonghan found out they were yours.) Sighing once more, you finish your business, tossing the toilet paper in the can and amp yourself up as you wash your hands. "No big deal, Y/N. Friends fuck all the time. Right?" You hear the door to his room open again, and you turn the water off, shaking the excess water off your hands as you open the bathroom door. He glances up at you, holding a tray with a pitcher of water and electrolyte packets.

"You like watermelon, right? It's the only flavor we have left."  He says, and you nod quietly. "Yeah, that's fine."  

Flopping back onto his bed, you cover your bottom half with one of the throw blankets as he portions out the electrolytes. You reach over and open his nightstand drawer, fishing through for his Advil.

"Bottoms up." He hands you your glass, and you pop open the cap. "Yum, ibuprofen electrolyte cocktail." You mutter, shoving two in his hand before popping your own in your mouth.

The two of you clink glasses before chugging, mirroring each other's grimaces as you finish the liquid. He scrunches his nose, sliding the glass on the nightstand before laying back and moving like a worm to slide in next to you.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks, grabbing his phone from in between the blankets and opening the Doordash app. You don't respond, opting to pull the blanket a little higher as you rest your head on his shoulder. He scrolls through mindlessly, before finding your favorite breakfast spot. The two of you found it during the summer, when neither of you went home and decided to take summer classes. You wound up taking Seungcheol's room while he went home with his girlfriend.

You don't like the wave of sadness you feel suddenly.

He's your friend. One could even say he's one of your best friends. What if this was a mistake?

You feel tears prick at your eyes.

"Can you hold me?" You murmur, and he doesn't even stop to think as he shuts his phone off and pulls you into him, his hand curling into the nape of your neck. His fingernails are lightly scratching at your scalp as he wraps himself around you, allowing you to snuggle into his chest. "I'm scared, Hosh."

You can't hold back the sniffle at that, but you can feel him tuck you further into his embrace. "I won't leave. I promise, I promise you I won't leave." He whispers, and you can hear the waver in his voice. He tries to mask it, pressing soft kisses to your hairline.

"What if this ruins our friendship?" You ask thickly, and you can feel him shake his head above you. "It won't. I won't let it. We can't let it."

He pulls back, his thumb coming to wipe under your eyes carefully. "I don't think I ever told you what I did when we stopped talking that year." "No," You laugh softly, reaching up to wipe his own face. "You didn't." "I slept with like six people that year." He scrunches his nose, before his eyes go wide. "No, five and a half."

"Half?" You question, and he nods. "Does it count? Like, if she went down on me but then her roommate walked in on us and she was too embarrassed to keep going?" "I think so?" "Okay, so six." "You're a slut." "Sue me, I was filling a void." He scoffs, and you just shake your head at him. "You could've just talked to me."

If he’s aware of your hypocrisy, he says nothing. "I am a flawed man, kitty. I have too much pride to admit my mistakes." He sighs, pushing your hair out of your face. "Yet here we are." You say pointedly, making him roll his eyes.

"Anyway, I don't regret this…us." He gestures between the two of you, before clearing his throat. "But, we don't have to speak about it, like, ever again if you do. It'll be like it never happened." Sighing, you roll onto your back, still pressed tightly against his torso. "That never works. I mean, Cheol and Hannie know, now, too." You scrunch your nose a bit at the idea of your friends' relentless teasing awaiting, but he shrugs. 

"Cheol owes me for that time I helped him replace his bed frame after Sowon broke it. I still can't believe they're dating, but it makes their chaos like, ten times worse." He groans, and you snicker. "Are we sure it wasn't Seungcheol who broke it? Last I heard, he's a freak." "He probably did, he had a bit of bruising around his wrists and there were cuffs attached to the bedposts." He says pointedly, before the two of you glance at each other quickly.

"No." He tongues his cheek to stop himself from smiling. "I didn't say anything." "You're thinking about it, Soonyoung. Stop it." "You literally let me cum on you."

You grimace up at him, and he snorts. “Sorry.”

“Just order the food, my stomach is about to start eating itself.” You roll your eyes, smacking him when you both feel his phone buzz. He grabs it, and you once more feel your stomach sink.

Msg From: choi yujin [10:49am] hey hoshi…r u busy? can i come over?

“Yikes.” He mutters, and you push the covers off. “I can go—”

“Shut up. Lay down.” He yanks your arm, making you fall back onto the pillows as he messages her back with one hand.

Msg From: choi yujin [10:50am] i am yeah [10:51am] let’s set a date to talk

“What if she wants to dump you?” You ponder aloud, watching as he reopens the Doordash app and adds your food to the cart. He shrugs, selecting an order of french toast. “Then she dumps me. I should care, right?” 

You just snort, making him smile inwardly as he wraps his arm around you. 

The two of you let your eyes eat, ordering little things and ignoring messages from Yujin. You feel bad, really, because Yujin is a sweet girl and your friend is a bit of an airhead at times.

“I’ll go get it when it’s here.” He yawns, stretching slightly and rebounding to wrap himself around you. “Or, we can bribe Mingyu with that order of eggs benedict we did not need to order.”

“Ha, true.” He nods, shooting a text to the man before tossing his phone behind him. “And kitty?”

“Yes, Soonie?”

“Thank you for trusting me.”

You glance down at him, noting the way his eyes are slightly heavy. You hold in your sigh — carding your fingers through blond locks. “Any time, Soonie.”

PRESENT DAY — November 4th.

Unfortunately (for your achey, breaky heart) — Soonyoung took ‘any time’ literally.

You’d gone home later that afternoon, reluctantly prying yourself from Soonyoung’s arms and wiping a bit of syrup from his french toast off your lip. Not at all put there from him kissing you.

No way.

The two of you had fallen into a bit of a lockstep — he’d decided to add another semester to his schedule, admitting he felt overwhelmed by his classes. You were just happy you’d have your friend around for a bit longer, and most of the other frat brothers felt the same.

However, with great sacrifice comes great responsibility — Soonyoung had a lot of free time, and you were only taking four classes a semester as it was. He would come over to your room at the sorority house, bring you dinner and help you study, and somehow the two of you would end up on your bed with his tongue between your legs. Or with his dick in your throat. Or, a fancier third option — turning the stereo on and fucking like rabbits.

Your housemates learned to hate Novacane by Frank Ocean.

But without fail, this happened at least once a week. Neither of you mentioned it after, with him leaving the next morning with a chaste kiss to your lips and a murmured have a good day, kitty. 

Your sorority sisters grew curious, and you admitted to them that the two of you were just fucking around. When word of this got around — because humans love to gossip — Soonyoung came over and the two of you sat down to discuss the dynamics of your…situationship.

And nothing changed.

The two of you admitted to each other that it was odd to behave like this. You were the first to confess that it helped you get your mind off things when you were stressed, to which he agreed. It ended with the two of you agreeing to resort to these meetups once or twice a week — and with him fucking his dick into you so slowly, you cried.

Granted, these meetups did not stop over the summer. Neither of you went home, once more opting to stay on campus for summer courses. This time, though — most of the brothers had gone home, and the two of you could not keep your hands off each other. You reminded yourself to still have to apologize to Chan for fucking in his room.

Not that Soonyoung didn’t already take the brunt of Chan’s wrath, but it was beyond you now.

This being said, your tradition of fucking around on Halloween had been upheld this year — but to the point where when you arrived, Mingyu did not offer you his bottle of Pink Whitney because Soonyoung had gotten you your own. You’d laughed, and Mingyu pouted as the two of you drank together.

Soonyoung found you a little after midnight, and you were barely tipsy when he whispered in your ear, asking if you wanted to go up to the roof. You nodded, putting your cowgirl hat on a rather mopey Mingyu — linking your pinkies with Soonyoung’s as he pulled you upstairs.

The two of you hadn’t seen each other much that week, because you had midterms. He offered you a hit of his joint before grabbing your jaw gently and using it as leverage to kiss you.

That night felt different — he took a bit longer to take your clothes off, he kissed you all over. Not that he didn’t normally do that, but it seemed as though he was trying to absorb you fully. You blamed it on the weed, but let him worship you on the roof of his frat house. 

You’d been on top for most of it — he doesn’t usually prefer it that way, Soonyoung was a missionary man through and through. You had noticed his glassy eyes as he ran his hands all over your body, and you asked him twice if he was okay. He nodded, kissing you both times before flipping you onto your back. He’d carried you back down to his room after you finished, locking his door behind him and running a shower for the two of you.

It gave you déjà vu.

That was a week ago. You hadn’t seen Soonyoung since, but a part of you didn’t mind the space. You’d felt a bit more that night, but you just blamed it on the Pink Whitney.

“Hey, pretty.” You look up, seeing Minghao walking towards you with a bag in his hand. The two of you had this study session in the back corner of the library every few days, but neither of you cared to admit that it was just an excuse to gossip together and watch America’s Next Top Model.

“Hey, Hao. How’re you?” You ask coolly, before making a show of opening your laptop and opening Hulu, pressing on ANTM and lowering the volume to mute. He snorts, opening the bag and sliding your portion on the table. “I’m good, pretty. However, I do have some intel from a little bird.”

He looks at you pointedly, and you scoff as you open your food. Inhaling deeply, you sigh before stabbing your fork into the pasta. You shrug, “Okay. What’s your intel?”

“That you and Hoshi fucked on the roof, and there’s photos of you making out.” He bites into a breadstick, and you roll your eyes. “There have been photos of us making out every year. This is nothing new.”

“I’m just saying. None of the photos in years past have had his hands under your shirt so shamelessly.” He shrugs, and you furrow your brow. “Hands under my shirt??”

You had worn a latex halter top. You’d never taken it off, and he’d only moved it aside when the two of you were on the roof to get a full view. “Yeah, you were a sexy cop, right? It’s all over the stupid underground site.”

You glance at him, wiping cream sauce off your lip. “I was a cowgirl, Minghao. I even put my hat on Mingyu.”

His eyes are wide as he chews, before his brows furrow and he gestures at the laptop.

You pause the muted show, shoving your fork into your plate before typing in the website. BetaTOU.com had been a domain purchased by the frat president from twelve years ago so they could share photos without being bitched at by the university. It was also a forum for complaints and suggestions. Everything was neatly kept and tagged with dates to stay organized, and if you wanted any photos taken down they were removed within the hour.

You scroll carefully, eyeing every photo of the frat brothers posted from last week. Mingyu wearing your hat is amongst the first few, and a back shot of you and Soonyoung with your pinkies linked walking up the stairs is right after it. You know it’s you, you can see the bracelet he gave you for your birthday dangling on your wrist.

You keep scrolling — Minghao doing a keg stand, Chan and Seokmin playing beer pong (and Chan getting Iced by Jihoon), and Vernon making out with two girls at once. Slut.

You begin to nibble on your fingernails as you scroll further, finally landing on a photo of Soonyoung and Yujin making out in front of one of the bathrooms at the Beta Tau house. You scoff out a laugh, her hat on his head and his hands, yup, under her shirt.

“Sexy cop, meet a big, fat liar.” You scowl, closing the laptop and jerking back in your chair, pulling your knees up to balance your takeout plate on. Minghao peers at you, watching as you angrily shovel pasta into your mouth. “Slow down, pretty. You’ll choke and I don’t know first aid.”

Shaking your head, “We literally fucked that night, Hao. That had to have happened before, because I literally showered and spent the night in his room.” 

If he notes the hurt in your voice, he doesn’t mention it. He sighs instead, shaking his head before his hand finds your limp one in your lap. “Are you guys exclusive?”

“No.” You answer quickly, trying to shrug it off as he squeezes your hand lightly. “Don’t do that, obviously you have feelings for him, Y/N.”

“I do not.” You refute. “And even if I did, there are too many negative factors to being in a relationship with him.”

“Like what?” Minghao rolls his eyes, making you scoff.

“Like the fact that he hasn’t spoken to me all week? Like the fact that he’s a whore?” You say all of this like it’s common knowledge, and Minghao gives you an amused look.

“Not as much as Vernon.”

“Not relevant, Hao.”

Minghao shrugs, sitting back as he tears another piece of his breadstick off. You pout, letting go of his hand the moment you hear your phone buzz on the table. Reaching for it, you hand it to Minghao without a second glance.

“It’s Hoshi.”

“Read it and let me know if I should answer.”

Msg From: Soonyoung 🐯🩷

[4:32pm] kitty [4:34pm] please don’t be upset [4:35pm] can we talk? i can swing by the house tonight?

You roll your eyes, hating the way your nose burns as tears gather in your eyes.

Okay. You weren’t dumb.

You knew you’d catch feelings eventually. It was inevitable — Soonyoung was a good fuck, of course, but…something was different. He was sweet, he was doting and attentive. He soon learned your favorite flavor of electrolytes were never ones the frat kept in stock because Mingyu finished them all, so he bought you your own stash for his bedroom. He invited you to the dance class he taught, urging you to go and watch him dance to Fergalicious with the older women who lived in your college town.

Grimacing at your inner monologue, you reach for your phone from Minghao.

Msg To: Soonyoung 🐯🩷 [4:38pm] why would i be upset [4:39pm] and no, i’ve got things i need to do tonight. sorry.

“The guy is definitely gonna agonize over this tonight.” Minghao mentions, making a smoking motion with his fingers. It makes you crack a smile, and you turn your phone on silent before opening the laptop again, switching back to your show and pressing play.

The two of you avoid your Advanced Calculus work on the table, watching as students file in and out of the library — most of them eyeing your plates of takeout before finding a seat.

You can’t help but think about the photo of Soonyoung and Yujin. You’d never had anything against Yujin, and you never would — it made no sense to resent her when Soonyoung is the one who owed you loyalty.

Not that he actually did, anyway — the two of you were not exclusive. You’d been the one to bring it up. He simply set that in place, sending you his STD panel results every few weeks. 

You didn’t have to do the same. You didn’t fuck anyone but him.

Minghao walks you home, the two of you filling the air with chatter of missing Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua. The three had graduated, but had come to the Beta Tau Halloween party to visit. All in tow with their girlfriends, of which Joshua’s was still a student at the University and a part of your sorority — Sana Minatozaki.  

“Can we do Thai next week? I know your birthday is on Thursday, and I’m sure you don’t wanna spend it with me.” You snort as you reach the front of the house, seeing Momo and Yerin sitting on the steps with ice cream in their hands. They wave at Minghao, who waves back.

“Nonsense, pretty. It’s a Thursday and I’m tired of parties.” He yawns, stretching slightly. You snicker, giving him a one-armed hug as you bid your goodbye. He doesn’t leave as you trek up the stairs, greeting your sorority sisters as you yank open the front door.

Sighing, you let a bit of emotion take over as a few tears trickle down your face. You jog up the stairs, slipping your sweater off and hanging it on the coat rack by the handrail on the third floor. You wipe at your face, annoyed at the sinking feeling of your heart as you toe your shoes off, shoving them on the shelf by the coat rack.

“Shower. That’s what I need.” You murmur, heading down the hallway to your room. Your door is slightly ajar, but you figure one of your sisters must’ve gone in to borrow something. You get closer, flinging the door open when you reach it and seeing Soonyoung sitting at the foot of your bed with a bag in his hands.

You blink at him, noting the redness in his ears as he takes you in. Neither of you speak, and he watches as you slide your bag into your desk chair, unpacking your belongings onto your desk where they usually go. He stares as you take a sip from your water bottle, before leaning against your desk, arms crossed.

“I can explain.” He starts, and you tongue your cheek. “Explain what? Maybe why you’re in my bedroom? I did say I was busy, Soonyoung.”

“Don’t do that, don’t be mad.” He whines at the sound of his name, and you furrow your brows. “I’m not mad, dude. What are you on?”

“It was a mistake, okay? I was looking for you and she—” You cut him off with a hand in the air, the words you know he hates to hear slipping from your lips.

“We’re not exclusive, Soonyoung. You can kiss whoever you want, you can fuck whoever you want. As long as you keep getting tested and it comes back clean, I don’t care.” You lie through your teeth, and he stands, putting the bag on your desk. You see his hands clench slightly around nothing as they reach his sides.

“I’m still sorry.” He murmurs, and you roll your eyes. Shaking your head, you begin to slip your shirt over your head. “I’m gonna shower. Feel free to stay, or go. I don’t care.”

“Okay.” He flops back on your bed, and you walk into your bathroom silently. Turning the water on, you strip and step inside, basking in the heat of the steam.

What were the two of you really doing? He was going to be the teacher’s assistant in your Zoology class next semester. You couldn’t really risk people thinking you were fucking him for your grades — it would put both of you at risk.

Professor Kwon was also a notoriously absent teacher, with her TAs from the past saying she was rarely in class. However, complaints resulted in simply receiving a large sum of money from her at the end of the year — and you found out through Soonyoung that Professor Kwon was married to the Dean.

And how does Soonyoung know that?

Professor Kwon is his aunt. She trusted that Soonyoung would be able to take over the class because he wasn’t particularly squeamish, and she knew all about his bad habit of sneaking stray kittens into dorm rooms. And his bad habit of being high as fuck — not that she was any better, though her vice was vacations, not weed.

He was smart, Soonyoung. You knew he was — his transcript was full of advanced math and science classes, and you saw one B in the extensive packet. Yes, a packet. 

He took Zoology last year, even if it wasn’t part of his major. When you think of it, you don’t even really know what his major is — he just does whatever for the sake of it. It’s like he’s only really here to be entertained — and you don’t blame him.

Your passion for animals is also something that brought you and Soonyoung together. While he cared about the ones in the more vegetative biodomes — savannahs, tropical rainforests…the like. You, on the other hand, were one with the water — you loved fish, cephalopods, crustaceans. You had a small angelfish tattoo on your ankle, one Soonyoung constantly kissed if you were in missionary.

The two of you bonded over documentaries, even if the night ended with the two of you fooling around. You remember the night you watched Aliens of The Deep — you tied him to your radiator because he wouldn’t stop grinding his dick against your ass. You fucked him after, sure, but James Cameron deserved to have his documentary cherished.

Wringing your hair out of excess water, you step out of the shower, grabbing your towel off the rack and wrapping it around yourself. Opening the door, you see Soonyoung lying on your bed with his eyes closed, earphones plugged into his phone. As you lean closer, you hear a song reminiscent of Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry.

Snorting, you nudge his leg with your foot, making him peel his eyes open. He pulls out one of the earphones, “Yes?”

“What are you doing? Why are you listening to Fergie?” You ask, moving past him to rummage your dresser for underwear. He sighs, “Because I feel bad.”

“Soonyoung, you kissed Yujin. It’s not the end of the world.” You say pointedly, feeling him get up and crowd your space. You feel his lips press to your damp shoulder, “You say that, but I feel like I betrayed you or something.”

Scoffing, you turn, tucking the corner of your towel under your armpit. “You fuck plenty of other girls. Why is kissing Yujin any different?”

“I only kiss you.” He says, making you roll your eyes. “I’m supposed to believe you?”

“Yes. I only kiss you when we fuck. I only kiss you in general. I don’t kiss the other girls, not that there have been many since this started.” He states matter-of-factly, and you struggle not to roll your eyes again. “You send me your STD results every few weeks, Soonyoung. That means there are other girls.”

“There hasn’t been for a few months. I just get tested regularly because it’s a habit. And they give me free condoms and lube so I save money.” He shrugs, making you scoff out a laugh.

“Soonyoung—”

“Stop, I don’t like it when you call me that.”

You eye him, “That’s your name.” 

He shakes his head, “Not to you, it’s not. You only call me that when you’re mad.” His fingers push your hair off your face, and it takes all your willpower not to lean into his touch. He notices your internal struggle, curling his fingers around the shell of your ear, playing with your piercings carefully.

“I don’t want you to see other people.” He blurts, making your eyes go wide before you furrow your brows. Crossing your arms across your chest, you frown. “You see other people.”

“Then punish me for it. I’ll even let you tie me to the radiator again.” He’s flushing beet red, his hand now toying with a loose thread on your towel. It’s oddly reminiscent of your first (or…second) time together. “I’ll even leave you alone for a few weeks, if you want. I won’t fuck anyone else, either.”

You feel a bit taken aback at his offers, knowing that Soonyoung wouldn’t bring any of it up if he didn’t truly feel as though he’d wronged you. “Soonyoung, I really mean it. I’m not upset.”

You’re lying, but you also know his form of apologizing is just way too sincere. You can’t, in good faith, let him simmer in the guilt any longer. Probably why he didn’t speak to you for a week.

He doesn’t reply, opting to glance at the corner of your towel. He reaches for it, his eyes meeting yours as if asking for permission. You blink in response, untucking the towel on your own accord. He hesitates as his knuckles brush the skin of your hips, making you shiver. The towel drops as he leans in to kiss you, and you notice you don’t mind the slightly chapped lips.

He kisses you deeply, like he wants you to know his innermost feelings. His arm circles around your waist, pulling you flush to him as his other hand holds your face gingerly. “I’m sorry, kitty.” He murmurs against your lips, not bothering to allow you to respond as he reconnects your lips, walking backwards towards your bed.

His knees hit the edge of the bed, and he sits, pulling you onto his lap. The soft material of his sweatpants tented up around his cock, brushing against your center as you lean the two of you back, his back hitting your comforter. He maneuvers the two of you fully onto the bed, his head resting against your pillows as you lick into his mouth. His fingers circle your upper thighs, urging you to lift yourself up.

“What’s wrong?” You scan his eyes, feeling him push you further, your hands now on either side of his head. “I wanna show you how sorry I am. Sit on my face, suffocate me.”

You hadn’t done this yet. He’d asked in sessions past, but you’d been a bit hesitant. “What about you, though? I don’t—”

“Don’t worry about me.” He kisses you softly again, fingers tapping the backs of your thighs to urge you higher. “Are you sure?”

“If I die, I die happy.” He shrugs, and you sigh as you inch up, before grabbing your headboard for moral support. You sink down slowly, feeling his nose bump your clit slightly. You hover for a moment, hearing him sigh before pulling you down the rest of the way.

His tongue is flat against your pussy, making you shiver and clench around nothing. He licks at you with precision, gathering your arousal before wrapping his lips around your clit with a soft suck. You bite back a whine, your hips grinding against his face involuntarily. He moans against you, digging his dull nails into your hips.

You continue rocking against him, soft moans from your lips as he eagerly takes whatever you give him. Your fingers card through his hair, tugging gently as you feel the heat start to pool in your belly. His hand wanders up, skilled fingers rolling your nipple between them at the same pace of your clit being swirled by his tongue.

“Soonie—” You whimper, canting your hips a little faster as he runs his hands all over your body, groaning against your pussy. Your thighs clench around his head as you cum, feeling slightly overstimulated as his tongue fucks into you slowly. You try to get up, but your shaky legs betray you as Soonyoung pulls you back down, the slurping sound from his mouth obscene as you twitch in his hold. “S’too much…”

Pushing his head back, you pry yourself out of his hold, shakily settling yourself next to him. You take a glance at him, his eyes closed as the back of his hand wipes his mouth. “Am I forgiven?”

“You were never in trouble, Soonie.” You roll your eyes, flopping your head against his shoulder. He scoffs, “You’re my best friend. I’m pretty sure I can tell when you’re upset with me.”

Hearing you huff, he knows he’s right. He smiles, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You don’t need to finish?” You murmur, eyeing the strain of his cock against his sweatpants.

He shakes his head, “I don’t deserve it right now. I hurt you, and that was shitty of me.”

You sigh. “So what does this mean?”

“It means I want to be exclusive. You’re the only girl I hang out with, anyway.” He shrugs, a pained look on his face as adjusts himself in his pants. You feel some guilt settle in your stomach at this, and you shake your head. “I don’t think we should keep doing this, actually.”

He glances down at you, before you sit up and slide off your bed. You move back to your dresser, digging out random clothes and pulling them on as he stares.

“What?”

“I want to focus on school.” You wince as the sentence slips past your lips. It wasn’t a lie, you did want to — but it was also because he’d be your TA next semester. Better to cut the cord now than continue to put yourselves at risk of being found out.

“So you’re…what? Are we still friends?”

You look over at him, an obviously hurt expression on his face as he brings his knees to his chest. “Of course we’re still friends, Soonie.”

He nods, tonguing his cheek as he stands up. “Sure thing. I’m sorry if my expectations made you uncomfortable.” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he grabs his shoes at the door, and you blink at him.

“You’re not…You’re leaving?” You gape, and he gives you a quizzical look. “What, did you want to cuddle?”

It doesn’t have any malice behind it. His tone is level, it’s friendly. But you can’t help and feel a bit small at his words. He gives you a curt nod. “I’ll see you later, Y/N.”

And he closes the door behind him. You scoff out a breath, feeling a tear spill down your cheek as you run your hands through your hair. It’s still damp at the roots, and you just shake your head to yourself as you remember the bag he set on your desk.

You click your tongue at it, before ripping it open. It’s a Jellycat octopus in blue and a handmade card. It has doodles of fish all over it in colored pencil, and an angelfish holding a badly drawn tiger in the corner. You open it to see his handwriting messily scrawled across the cardstock.

Hi, Kitty.

I assume by this point you’ve seen the photos on BTOU, and I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you all week. I saw them on Wednesday morning right when I was going to leave to ask if you wanted to get breakfast with me, so I made the dumbass decision to just ghost entirely. It was an asshole move and I’m sorry.

I did want to talk to you, though. And it’s totally fine if you don’t agree, I just figured I’d give it a shot?

The two of us are…relatively close. I mean, I can’t think of anyone I trust more than you…you’ve seen me in various stages of my life. Uhm, I’m not ready for a relationship but I’m also unsure if we’re on the same page about that, so I wanted to ask if we could, for the rest of the year, make this an exclusive…situation? I don’t see other people and neither do you?

I guess that’s like dating. We can talk about it more in person, if you want. Maybe we can come to a consensus and I don’t know. But you get me, right? You always get me.

Anyway. I’m sorry. And I hope you’ll accept this card and the little octopus guy as a token of my sincere appreciation for you. I named him Inky Minaj, but feel free to change it.

Yours (hopefully),

Hoshi ♡🐯

You don’t realize you’re crying until you see a tear drop right onto his doodle of a tiger next to his name. The octopus stares back at you, and you sniffle as you put it on your bed.

This is for the best. It has to be. Kwon Soonyoung cannot like you and you cannot like him.

January 13th.

“Hello, everyone! I am Professor Kwon, and this is Zoology!”

The dreaded class was finally here.

You and Soonyoung were a bit awkward at first — sure, the initial sting of rejection made him distance himself a bit, but he got over it pretty quickly. He came over to the house often, bringing takeout with him and new documentaries he’d rented from the university’s library. He always stayed at least a foot away from you — in early December, he’d accidentally kissed you in greeting, leading the rest of the hangout to be full of unresolved tension.

So much so that he left early.

Aside from that incident, it was like the two of you had never seen each other naked. You both scrunched your noses at your friends’ jabs, leaving them with confused looks. Minghao was the one to tell the frat brothers the news that the two of you were no longer sleeping together.

Minghao also knew that you had a raging heart boner for Soonyoung. He was all you’d talked about in the passing weeks — Minghao even subjected his family to your babble about Soonyoung when he answered your FaceTime calls over winter break. He sighed as you droned on about the man, but allowed it anyway.

“This is my Teacher’s Assistant, Kwon Soonyoung. You will be seeing more of him than of me this year, I have a very crammed schedule. This being said, Soonyoung will go through the syllabus with you and the first lesson of the semester. I will be here on Wednesday, so don’t fret! You still get to have one-on-one time with me.” Professor Kwon smiles, and you glance at Soonyoung, who is already looking at you. You raise your brows, and he shrugs, making a smoking motion.

He’s stoned.

Professor Kwon bids her goodbyes, leaving a very stoned Soonyoung to take over her class. A few girls in the front (that you don’t recognize) are giggling as he passes out the paper syllabus.

“Kitty.” He murmurs with a soft smirk as he slides your paper on your desk, and you scowl. “Shut up.”

He just smiles as he starts walking around and talking about the syllabus — how you can only miss six classes this semester but if you’re nice, he’ll count you present anyway. How his favorite lesson is the one about the three-spined stickleback fish, and how it’s refreshed at least three or four times throughout the course. He talks about how he fully believes that the Bubonic Plague was an experiment made by the government to kill innocent rodents and that his office hours are generally whenever, just shoot me an email.

The class wraps up rather quickly, with Soonyoung assigning reading based on the ethology of geese. You snort at it, hiking your bag over your shoulder as everyone starts to file out. He grabs your elbow as you walk past him, earning a few looks from the girls who had been giggling earlier — and drapes his arm over your shoulders as the two of you saunter out together.

“What the fuck was that for?” You ask as he walks the both of you towards your place, and he shrugs. “They were staring a little hard.”

“What, so I’m your saving grace?” You roll your eyes, but don’t push him away as he tucks you further into his chest. Soonyoung had always been touchy, so you didn’t care. “Of course. I don’t want to deal with a bunch of sophomores hitting on me.”

“Oh, because Kwon Soonyoung, frat boy and resident weed dealer is sooo desirable.” You mock, and he snorts. “I mean, you fucked me for a year, I would hope I’m desirable.”

You elbow him right in the ribs, making him let out a pained noise as he smacks your arm lightly. “What’d you do that for?! I’m not wrong!”

“Whatever! Anyway, are you going to the stoplight party this weekend? We’re hosting.” You ask, fishing your phone out of your pocket to send him the invite. “Oh, I’m not sure. I'm gonna take Seungkwan out for dinner on Thursday, and I’m probably hanging out with Luda on Saturday.”

He stretches, and you feel your stomach sink.

Lee Luda was what the campus referred to as a frat sweetheart. Her family had a huge legacy of going to SNU, and her father actually owned the property where the Alpha Psi Delta fraternity house was built. She was very close with the entire fraternity and had been involved in their charity and party planning since she was a freshman, her ex-boyfriend being a junior and her brother a senior when she was elected.

She was very sweet, very smart and extremely pretty. You'd gotten to know her a bit last year, she was a Biology major and you shared a lot of the same courses.

“Oh. They’re throwing a birthday party for Juyeon, right?” You nod as he does the same, before looping your arms together. “Come on, I’ll treat you to lunch and you can tell me how good I did on my first day as your TA.”

“What is it with you and ratings?”

He just laughs, pulling you closer again. You pretend your cheeks don’t burn at the proximity and the soft scent of his cologne.

January 18th.

It seemed the first week back from holidays really did a number on the student body — nearly everyone who came to the stoplight party hosted by your sorority was white-girl wasted. Seungkwan profusely cried over the little cupcake you presented him, apologizing for his birthday being on a Thursday. He took it and you later found him with strawberry frosting all over his chin and mouth.

It was well past two in the morning, and the party was still going pretty strong. You, Momo and Yerin were running around topping off drinks and manning stations, and you had sent Chan and Minghao to get more liquor from the store down the road. They were the only sober ones amongst the Beta Tau brothers, and Mingyu was dancing on the coffee table with Wonwoo and Jun — all of them wasted off Pink Whitney.

That damn Pink Whitney.

You roll your eyes as you clean up, humming along to Kid Cudi when you sense a disturbance in the force.

“Hey!” You hear someone shout over the music, and you turn to see Soonyoung, Luda and Juyeon next to you. Soonyoung and Luda have grabbed yellow cups, and Juyeon has a red one. You see a few more of the Delta brothers stroll in behind them, helping themselves to the alcohol on your table.

“Hey! What’re you guys doing here? I thought you were celebrating Juyeon!” You shout back, and Luda shrugs. “Yeah, well Sangyeon and Hyunjae said you guys were having a stoplight! You don’t mind, right? Hyunjae said you were cool!”

You shake your head, gesturing to the bottles. “Not at all! Help yourselves, but Minghao and Chan should be back soon with more Malibu and Svedka.”

Luda gives you a cheery smile and grabs for the Everclear, and you bid the men behind her a quick goodbye as you continue into the kitchen to clean up. You grimace at the sight of vomit in the corner by your pantry, and you open your fridge to get out some baking soda when you see Soonyoung’s feet in front of you.

You glance up at him, seeing a quizzical look as you grab the baking soda. “What’s up, Hosh?” You ask, before squatting by the vomit to sprinkle the baking soda on it.

“You’re wearing red!” He says, gesturing to your red dress. You look down at the dress you were wearing — you’d bought it last year, and wore it to his birthday dinner. He’d stared at you the entire evening before dragging you out to his car and fucking you in the parking lot.

Safe to say that neither of you went back into the restaurant.

“Oh, this? I just don’t feel like flirting tonight.” You shrug, and he leans against the counter when you speak again. “You have a yellow cup! Why?”

“Seeing someone here and there.” He shrugs, and you nod, choosing to swallow your questions. When the fuck did he even find the time?

“Nice!” You exclaim, putting the wet sign over the vomit and deciding to deal with it later. You stand, tugging your dress down your legs a bit more before giving him a curt nod and exiting the kitchen.

Minghao and Chan had arrived and helped Yerin and Momo haul in the liquor, stacking it across the table in the dining area. Hyunjae and Sangyeon had joined Vernon, Jihoon and Seokmin in playing beer pong on the second floor, and you hauled ass up the stairs to join in. Vernon is holding a lit joint between his fingers as he makes the bitch cup, a scowl on his face as Sangyeon chuckles.

“Hey, Vern. Can I take a hit?” You tap his shoulder, and he hands it to you before ruffling your hair. “Hey, pretty. Why’re you here? Not having fun downstairs?”

“Shut up and drink your bitch cup.” You roll your eyes, and he smirks as he downs the cup. He rearranges his cups into a different shape, and Sangyeon sinks a few as you finish off Vernon’s spliff.

“Damn, what’s got you so stressed out?” He asks, taking what's left and popping it between his lips. “Ugh, nothing. I’m just annoyed.” You roll your eyes as their game ends, and you grab a few beer cans to start a new one.

“I didn’t know you were dating someone, Y/N!” You hear Hyunjae call from the end of the table, and you just smile and shake your head. “I’m not! I just don’t feel like dry humping a stranger tonight.”

“I’m not a stranger.” Sangyeon says, and you look up at him. He’s peering at you over his cup, the green reflecting off his silver watch. “You’re right.” You shrug, and finish pouring the cups.

“Way to be subtle.” Vernon rolls his eyes, and you smirk. “Don’t worry, Nonnie. You’ll find someone tonight.” Pinching his cheek, you shove him with your hip and settle between him and Jihoon, who steadies you with his hand ghosting over your back. Seokmin makes the first shot for the other team, the ball bouncing into the first cup.

You play for a bit, grimacing every time you down the cups of beer. Eventually, you decide it’s time to just chill in the lounge, and Sangyeon, Jihoon and Hyunjae agree. Seokmin and Vernon admit they’re probably going to raid the fridge for snacks, and you give them a go-ahead as the other men follow you up to the lounge on the third floor.

You see a few of your sisters there, including Jennie and one of the graduated Beta Tau Sigma brothers, Taehyung. They’re canoodling on one of the beanbags, and she glances up at you as you flop onto the couch on the other side of the room.

“Hey, Y/N.” She calls gently, and you look up to see her holding her thumb up, moving it down to see how you’re feeling. You hold a thumbs up, and she nods, returning to her boyfriend. The guys that came with you are sprawled across the floor, with Sangyeon being the only one on the couch with you.

“The room is spinning.” Hyunjae pouts, and you let out a laugh when you hear the door open, looking up to see Vernon and Seokmin with their hands full of snacks, and Soonyoung in after them. He holds up a bag of pre-rolls, and you hold your hand out.

“Is that how you ask, kitty?” Soonyoung rolls his eyes, fishing one out as you kneel on the couch, pushing the window behind you open. He tugs your skirt down a bit, and you turn back around to see him lighting the joint for you. “It’s lemon balm. I know you like those the best.”

“Thanks, Kwon.” You nod, taking it between your fingers as he sits on the floor, moving his head to be cradled by your knees. Your heels dig into his chest, and he peels off your shoes and tossed them to the side. Jennie and Taehyung slip out, with Jennie giving you a thumbs up once more. Once you mirror it, she’s out.

The group is quiet, seemingly trying to come down from their drunkenness when Sangyeon speaks. “Why kitty?”

“Huh?” Soonyoung looks up, and Sangyeon takes a sip from his cup. “You called Y/N kitty. Why?”

“Oh. I was a cat at the Halloween party we met at.” You shrug, and you notice Soonyoung’s brows furrow a bit. “That, and she has a kitty tattooed on her hip.”

You swat his shoulder, making him giggle when Sangyeon nods with wide eyes. “And how do you know that?”

“They used to fuck.” Vernon speaks up, popping a cheese curl into his mouth with the utmost nonchalant shrug. You gape at him, and he shoots you a wink. “Thanks, Hansol. Air out my business, why don’t you?”

“Okay. She also-” 

Jihoon claps his hand over Vernon’s mouth, and you roll your eyes as you offer the joint around the group. Hyunjae declines, handing it to Sangyeon. He gives you a glance, seeing you’re already looking at him.

"Isn't Hoshi the Zoology TA? Can't you guys get in some kind of trouble for that?" Hyunjae calls from the floor, making Soonyoung roll his eyes and Sangyeon clears his throat next to you. You glance at him, a stoney look on your face as you gesture to the lit joint in his hand. You're sure they want an answer – but if Soonyoung doesn't say anything, you sure as shit won't.

Taking the hit, Sangyeon passes it back to you and blows the smoke up and out. “That’s really smooth. Do you make these yourself, Hosh?”

“Yeah. It’s just a hobby.” He shrugs, lighting his own up and holding it between his lips. You roll your eyes, “This is also the same guy who rescues kittens for freshmen, teaches a dance class from seven to eight and a self-defense class from eight to nine every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“Oh, that’s actually pretty cool. How much do you sell for?” Sangyeon asks, his eyes a little lower as he looks at you instead of Soonyoung, who is glaring. “I don’t, it’s free.”

“I tell him that he’s a horrible business magnate, Mr. President.” You tilt your own joint at him, and he smiles. “Mr. President?”

“Yeah! Aren’t you the Alpha Psi Delta President? I thought I heard about that from Luda last year.” You rest your head on the couch cushion, and notice the way he bites his lip as his eyes trail your body, before he meets your eyes with a nod.

You’re not the only one who notices.

Clearing his throat, Vernon tries to cut the weird tension in the air. “How about we play a game? Truth or dare, or something?”

“I’m the only girl up here, you better not make me do weird shit or your ass is grass.” You threaten, making him smile widely. “Why, I’d never—”

“Shut up, you were the same one who dared her to streak last year.” Seokmin shoves Vernon, and the group hears the door open — Luda, Minghao and Chan trail in with Yerin and Momo in tow.  

“Hey, guys!” Luda greets, and you feel Soonyoung nearly rip himself away from you to greet her. “Hey, Lu.”

“What’re we doing up here?” She asks, taking a seat next to Soonyoung. You grimace inwardly, before feeling Sangyeon’s hand on your knee. He gives you a look that says fix your face, and you inch closer to him now that Soonyoung is literally feet away from you.

“We were gonna do a round of truth or dare.” Jihoon pipes up from the floor, and you smile as the guy covers his eyes. Luda grins, “I’m in! Who’s gonna start?”

You wait until everyone settles, but you catch Minghao’s eyes. He gives you a confused look, his gaze darting to Sangyeon’s hand on your lap. You give him a hard look, and he just shakes his head as Hyunjae sits up to start the game.

“Okay, Luda.” He clears his throat, and she sits up at the sound of her name. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Boring!” Momo pipes up, and a soft giggle spreads through the group. Sangyeon inches a little closer to you, his thigh now touching yours as he rests his hand a little higher on your leg. It’s subtle enough. “What’s your body count?”

She snorts. “Four. Isn’t yours in the double digits?” She teases Hyunjae, who scoffs. “Uh, not that it’s any of your business, but my body count is three.”

The group laughs again, and you find yourself leaning your head against Sangyeon, who props his arm behind you. “Okay, uhm…Y/N!”

You hear Luda call your name, and you give her a wiggle of your brows. “Hit me.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Let’s go…truth. I’ll play it safe.” You shrug, and she smiles. Almost like a cheshire cat, like she knows all your secrets. “Would you sleep with anyone in this room?”

You look around, getting a suggestive brow wiggle from Seokmin and bursting into laughter. “Yeah. I mean, I have. It wouldn’t be weird, I think.”

“Oh, really? Who?” She probes, and you shake your finger at her. “It’s Truth or Dare, not Truth and Explain Yourself.”

She laughs, and you look around the room for your target. “Vernon, truth or dare?”

“I’ll bite, give me a dare.” He pops another cheese curl in his mouth, and you feel your lips tug up at the corners. “I dare you to text Jisun and tell her your feelings for her.”

“Is this payback for last year? It was either that or skinny dipping.” He says pointedly, and you only shrug. “Text her or you’re a wimp.”

“It’s like, twenty degrees outside, Y/N. What if I just streak and risk getting pneumonia?” He feigns distress, and you feel Sangyeon’s fingers gently caressing your shoulder. Is this foreplay?

“Alright, we can do a dare for a dare. Give me something to do, and if I chicken out, you don’t have to text her.” You take a hit of your joint, leaning forward and feeling Sangyeon’s arm fall down your back, fingers now holding your hip lightly. Vernon sees this, clicking his tongue. “Fine. I dare you to makeout with Sangyeon.”

You blink at Vernon, hearing the group collectively ooooh. You scoff, “That’s it? That’s tame as hell, Hansol.”

“You can’t fuck him.” He states, and you smile. “I’m only a woman, Vernon. I have needs.”

“Is anyone going to ask Sangyeon if he’s okay with that?” Luda interjects, and you can sense a bit of a bite in her tone. Sangyeon shrugs, “If Y/N’s cool then I’m cool.”

“How will we even know if they made out? They could lie.” She tries, and you smile at her. “I’m not shy, if you want to watch or something.” You tease, watching her cheeks turn beet red. She shakes her head, and Vernon gives you a pointed look.

“So? What do you say, pipsqueak?”

“Prepare to admit your feelings to the love of your life, Chwe.”

You get up, tugging Sangyeon up with you. You feel a pair of eyes on you, but when you glance over your shoulder, you see Soonyoung glaring at the two of you as you open the door. “We’ll be back.”

You lead him to your bedroom down the hall, hearing him clear his throat as you push the door open and are met with darkness. You fumble with the lamp on your desk for mood lighting, and he smiles down at you. 

“We don’t have to.” He murmurs, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear. His fingers aren’t as soft as Soonyoung’s. You shake your head, “If you’re down, I’m down. It’s been a while.”

He just smiles, tilting your head to meet your lips halfway. His lips are softer…you kind of miss the chapped feeling. You sigh into the kiss, your hands moving to his waist as he moves the two of you towards your bed. His hands trail down your waist, cupping your ass as he falls back onto your bed, pulling you on top of him. He groans softly as you adjust in his lap, and you feel his hips cant up.

"Sorry, sorry." He mumbles, making you laugh. "Eagerness is never a bad thing." The kissing is fine. It's a little desperate, a little messy as you grind down on him, but it's not Soonyoung. You pull away, a pout on your lips as the heady feeling of him against your core fills your head. "Not into it, huh?" He asks, and a part of you thinks he's admitting to it, too.

"You like Luda, don't you?" You ask pointedly, and his eyes go wide. "How the fuck–" "Kind of hard not to notice when she's jumping the gun to save you from my grasp." You laugh, rolling off him to stare at your ceiling. Your arm brushes something soft, and you glance up to see the Jellycat octopus from Soonyoung, Inky Minaj.

"How long did you and Hoshi sleep together?" He asks, and you sigh. "About a year. We were playing some stupid game of cat and mouse for my first three years as a student here, then we fucked at the Halloween rager the frat holds every year. Neither of us remembered it, so we fucked the next morning and the rest is history."

He looks at you, and you peer at him through low eyes. "What?" "Nothing. Just kind of sounds like you like him." He says matter-of-factly, and you snort. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I kind of lied to myself for a while. I guess…I think once I realized that maybe he was starting to like me, I stopped it. I don't know. And him being my TA for Zoology definitely made me want to tread lightly." 

He nods, shifting uncomfortably. "Luda slept with him a few weeks ago. Around my birthday, I think." You shoot up almost immediately, turning to face him. "Luda and Soonyoung slept together? When? When is your birthday?" His face contorts into one that speaks I fucked up. "You didn't know? I thought you guys were like, best friends?"

"When, Sangyeon?" You probe, slapping his knee as he grimaces. "I don't know, like the eighth of November? I was out of town." "That son of a bitch." You scoff, and stand up. "Well. Let's go. I need Vernon to hop off my dick about his feelings and hop on Jisun's about them." "Maybe we should wait until you're not upset, Y/N." He says gently, and you groan. "I'm not upset, Soonyoung can fuck whoever he wants, whenever he wants. I'm not his keeper." "But you want to be, don't you?" He says pointedly, and you huff in response. "Come on, Mr. President. I've got a point to prove, and it's that I don't need Kwon Soonyoung to get laid." "We all already know that, pretty." He rolls his eyes, allowing you to lead him out. He shuts your door, and makes it a big show of fixing your skirt and wiping his lips of your gloss as you open the door to the lounge. Soonyoung and Luda are draped across the couch, and you lock eyes with him the moment you step inside the room. Minghao, unable to read the room for the first time, turns and cheers.

"Woo! How was it?" He asks, taking a swig from the bottle of Pink Whitney that somehow made its way upstairs. "Pretty good." You admit shyly, feeling Sangyeon sit on the ground with you. He pulls you onto his lap, and you give Vernon a knowing look.

"You gotta do it, Chwe." "Oh, come on! You hate me!" "I don't hate you, but I sure am tired of hearing you mope about Jisun." "How are you even coherent right now? You had two spliffs and a shitload of beer." You smile, wiggling your fingers for his phone. "Give it here, Chwe." He groans, handing it over to you. You unlock it, not unable to shake Soonyoung's eyes off you. You know he's eyeing the man holding you, because he shifts under you and even brushes the hem of your dress. You smirk to yourself as you scroll to Vernon's conversation with Jisun, seeing a pre-drafted message sitting in the text box.

Msg To: Roh Jisun (the loml who doesn't know she's the loml yet)

[4:31am] hi jisun. i just wanted to say that uhh i've liked you for a while and i know it's late (or early….wtv you prefer) and i do not expect you to answer this at all (because i'm a wimp) but if it's not a bother, i'd like to take you out. to dinner, maybe, or whatever you'd like to do. i know you like making jewelry, though, i know this cool jeweler in the city who does like,,,classes. maybe? sorry this is so awkward i'm nervous.

You read over it, and look at Vernon. He's blushing deeply, and you smile softly. "Just send it, Nonnie." "What if she says no?" "What if she says yes?" Momo speaks up, and you see her also taking a sip from the bottle of Pink Whitney. The group echoes her, and Vernon sighs. "Okay, fine. Fine! I'll send it and if she says no I'll just…act normal." He turns the screen to face everyone, pressing send with his ring finger and fully launching the phone across the room. "Well! That's that!" He smiles, reaching for the bottle of Pink Whitney and taking a long drink.

"Who's next?"

February 7th.

Zoology with Soonyoung was not nearly as bad as you thought it was going to be. He stayed true to his word – if you were cool, he marked you present. If you were a douche, he marked you absent. His office hours were erratic, and you found it increasingly difficult to get a hold of him for the first few classes. He was always helping another classmate, or busy with his classes at the dance studio.

In other news, Sangyeon was avoiding you like the fucking plague. You'd waved at him a few days after the party, when you noticed a bruise blooming on his cheekbone. He greeted you quickly, before leaving you practically in the dust. Luda was also increasingly cold to you, but you just assumed it was over one of the boys – whether it was Soonyoung or Sangyeon was beyond you.

Vernon actually managed to woo Jisun. She was charmed by his general awkwardness, and when she texted you about it, you laughed and told her that it was the most outward emotion you'd seen him exude since you'd known the guy. She laughed and said he was sweet, and that she'd let you know how the date went. Vernon screamed in your messages about it and stated "I hope you get the best head in the world."

Speaking of getting the best head in the world, you finally caught Soonyoung in the hallway today, asking him if you could have an impromptu study session in the library later. He sighed, checking his watch and agreeing rather reluctantly. You grimaced, and told him you didn't have to ask him, you could very well just join the Zoology study group that met twice a week.

He apologized and said he'd book the study room for five, and that he'd meet you there.

Well, it's now six and the two of you have done nothing but bicker. You'd asked about Lorenz and what he meant about the transposibility of key stimuli, to which he'd just scoffed and said that you'd know all about key stimuli.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You spit, and he just shook his head. "Whatever. Key stimuli is just something that can trigger specific sensory information in an animal's brain. So certain shapes, colors, sounds, even gestures and behaviors can trigger an animal to act in a certain manner." You sucked your teeth, jotting down his words before speaking. "Do you know what happened to Sangyeon?" He almost snaps his neck looking up at you, brows furrowed as he shakes his head. "No? Why does that even matter, aren't we supposed to be studying?" You raise a brow at him, "Why are you so defensive, dude? I'm just asking you if you know what happened. He and Luda have been avoiding me like I have lice." "Get a monkey." He shrugs, looking back down at his phone. He's scrolling mindlessly, and you huff as you put down your pen. "Alright. What's the problem, Soonyoung?" He winces slightly, before shaking his head. "Don't know what you mean. Do you understand now? Or do you still need to understand the difference between key stimuli and releasers? People have been asking all week about that." You frown, feeling your throat a bit tight as you sit up. "Why are you acting like this?" You murmur, and he must hear something in your voice that makes him look up. "Acting like what?" "Like you can't stand to be in the same room as me." "That's not true." He rolls his eyes, and you scoff. "It sure seems like it. I ask you a question about class, you're rude. I mention Sangyeon and Luda, you're annoyed and irritated. Did I do something? Are you upset with me?" It seems your prodding has been more of you poking the bear, because he sucks his teeth and slides his phone onto the table. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am upset with you. And you did do something." "Okay? So tell me what it is so we can fix it." You state, and he laughs dryly. "We? There is no we in you and Sangyeon making out like a pair of lovesick idiots at the stoplight party. He was practically eye fucking you the entire time you were together."

"I don't see what the hell that has to do with you, Soonyoung." You retort, and he shakes his head. "I just don't understand why you'd make me feel like there was something between us and then go and make out with some other guy. He likes Luda, you know, so it's not like it would have gone anywhere." His tone is bitter, and you can recognize he's saying all of this to hurt your feelings. Maybe because he's hurt, and he feels disappointed in his own choices. Nonetheless, it gets under your skin and hits just the right bullseye for you to explode.

"Where the fuck do you get off telling me what I can and can't do with my life, Soonyoung? You and I both agreed that this wasn't mutually exclusive, and Sangyeon and I just made out! You and I haven’t even fucked since we stopped last year, so I don't understand why your panties are in a twist!" You exclaim, and he scoffs out a breath of disbelief.

"You know what, maybe this entire thing was a fucking mistake. I should've never asked for there to even be an 'us', because if I knew I was going to feel this way knowing that you can just do whatever or whoever you want–" You cut him off before he can finish. "Is that what you think I'm doing? I've literally rejected so many people in just the past year because you were acting like you couldn't live without me! So what if I kissed Sangyeon? So what if I did? Forgive me for thinking that maybe you changed your mind about me and how you felt about me after you slept with Luda! You're not the only one who felt led on, you know?!" Your breathing is heavy as you finish yelling, with Soonyoung blinking at you, ears red. "You know about that?" His voice is almost ashamed. Almost.

"If you didn't want to make this an exclusive thing, or make the people around us think we were together, you should've stopped pulling me into random bedrooms to fuck and kissing me in the kitchen of the frat. Maybe don't buy me a Jellycat Octopus and say you want to be exclusive with me if you're just going to pull this sort of shit." You feel tears sting your eyes as you rip your bag off the chair in front of you, feeling your throat tighten as you grab your remaining things off the table. "Y/N-" "You know, it may be taking you five years to finish your degree, but I want to finish mine on time. Have a good life, Soonyoung. Don't call me." You spit, watching his jaw drop slightly before tightening. "I won't." "Good." "Great." "Fine." 

He watches as you slam the door behind you, feeling his stomach sink damn near into the ground as he sees the sweater you were wearing still hanging across the back of your chair. "Fine."

February 14th.

It'd been a week since your fight with Soonyoung.

He'd unfollowed you on Instagram, and seemingly decided to pretend as though you didn't exist. He didn't acknowledge you if you were over at the frat for Minghao, and he certainly didn't speak to you. You'd asked him to pass you the salt when you'd gone over yesterday for a Valentine's dinner party with the brothers, and he just left the table without a word. It was embarrassing enough that you asked Minghao to walk you home. 

What you didn't know was that the fellow girlfriends of his frat brothers spoke to him about his behavior. Sana and Jisun called Sowon over FaceTime and even had Seungcheol talk to him, and he stood there and took the scolding like a puppy with his tail between his legs. Seungcheol told him that his behavior towards you wasn't going to get you to forgive him, much less be with him and that he understood that Soonyoung felt negatively about your actions – but that Soonyoung cannot be upset about it because he had his chance and he blew it by making out with Yujin at the Halloween party.

Talk about key stimuli. Bad behavior does not get rewarded.

He'd been left with his own thoughts after that, and he stared at all the little trinkets he had that reminded him of you. The sweater you left in the library was hung over his desk chair, and it still smelled of your citrusy perfume. The piggy bank you got him for his birthday was sitting on his bookshelf, still stuffed full with new bills you put in before giving it to him. You'd also given him a few items of clothing that reminded you of him, one of which being an oversized black sweater with your initials embroidered in the sleeve. He frequently wore it unless he was sure he'd be seeing you.

He didn't know why. It just felt nice to…feel like he belonged to you.

"Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!" He's standing in front of the class, and the sophomore girls in the front of the room coo at his cheerfulness. You're sitting behind them, a sour expression on your face as he dims the lights, a baggy navy cardigan draped over your shoulders. You didn't like that one as much as the one you'd left in the library.

"In honor of this pseudo holiday, we're going to go over the most romantic of animals. Consider this a free class, because this is definitely not on the syllabus or in the curriculum, I just like to talk about it." He smiles, and the group of girls aww again, and you make a face as he turns the projector to the next slide.

"Naturally, you have the ones you've heard of the most. Penguins, seahorses, swans, and doves. Shit, even elephants are said to mate for life, and become extremely depressed if their lover suddenly passes or, in some cases, just up and leaves. But my favorite?"

He changes the slide, seeing your eyes widen as your favorite fish fills the screen.

"The French Angelfish mate for life. Monogamy isn't usually practiced amongst observed populations of fish, though. So much so that there is an analogy called the Fish Love Analogy. This is when your partner can meet all your needs, both emotional and physical, but ultimately only turns into an object of desire." You frown at this, but he changes the slide.

"French Angelfish are rarely seen alone, as once they've mated, they're inseparable. It's really quite beautiful and it proves that animals are sentient beings." He smiles slightly, looking around to see everyone jotting down notes.

"What about you, Soonyoung? Do you believe in that stuff?" One of the sophomore girls speaks up, and he shrugs. "I do, yes. I think it's a beautiful thing, to fall in love and have that person forever. I think as humans, though, we forget to cherish what we have. That's why the rate of divorce is so high." You roll your eyes.

"Do you think you've found your forever, Soonyoung?" Another one of the girls asks, and he sighs. "You know, I have. I have found her, but I'm also a human that doesn't know how to cherish good parts of life. Animals are just wired to operate in a certain way, but giving humans free will has truly affected us as a society." He scoffs, earning a laugh from the class.

You're not smiling, but he sees your lips twitch slightly.

"What if she's not your Angelfish, though?" Someone from behind you speaks up, and he purses his lips. His eyes find yours, and he can practically feel them pierce through him.

"I doubt that she's not."

He turns back to the slides, proceeding to talk about how humans have romanticized doves and swans to be representative of love. He finishes the slides quickly, bidding everyone a happy Valentine's day once more and earning echoes of the girls telling him they hope he and his Angelfish figure it out. He thanked them, hitching his backpack over his shoulder as he held the door open for them.

He looks over them, spotting you still gathering your materials. You glance up at him, a silent communication of please wait for me from your eyes. He does, he waits as you walk down the steps and tug your cardigan around you tightly. He remembers when you bought it, he was with you and you were actually wearing the same dress you have on now, the long skirt now paired with platform boots so it doesn't drag on the floor. You slip out in front of him, and wait a few feet away as he locks the door. You stare at the floor as he falls into pace next to you, albeit a few feet behind. You're leading the way to somewhere, he notes, because you're not headed towards the frat or your place. He follows silently, never closing the gap between you as you turn into the veterinary hallway.

The graduating class last year had raised enough money to install an aquarium for viewing pleasure. It had all sorts of fish – including angelfish. You stopped in front of it, with him lingering a few feet behind and watching from afar. You point silently, the fish swimming past your hand and joining another.

"Which one are you?" You mumble, and he steps closer to you, but not enough to touch you. "Probably the male one." You snort, backing up slightly, your knuckles brushing as you clasp your hands behind your back.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, and he shakes his head. "No, I'm sorry." "Let's just agree we're both sorry." You shrug, and he sighs. "You shouldn't have to be sorry, though. I've always come off so strong, and I'm sorry if you felt like I was projecting my feelings onto you. You don't ever have to reciprocate if you don't want to." "Do you want me to?" You ask gently, watching the fish swim in circles. He hesitates, before nodding. "I don't think there is anything I want more." He murmurs, and you look at him out of the corner of your eye.

"Careful, I won't get you a gift for your birthday this year." You joke, but you see him sink slightly, before he's kneeling on the floor. "Soonyoung?" "I'm sorry I've been such an asshole, I know I don't deserve to be with you in any form." He hugs your knees, and you feel your cheeks flame as someone walks by you. "Soonyoung, get up." "Not until you forgive me." He squeezes your legs tighter, and a couple of girls walk by, gaping at the sight. "I forgive you! Just get up!" You grit, tugging his arm up and hurrying away from the hallway. 

His eyes are teary as you pull him into a janitor's closet, making you scoff out a laugh as you wipe his eyes. "Oh, don't cry. I don't like seeing you cry." You say gently, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. His lips jut out in a pout as his hands come up to your wrists.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks, and you roll your eyes. "Really?"

“Is that a no?” “I should make you grovel, honestly.” “I’m not above begging, you should know this.” “Just kiss me, you idiot.”

He does.

He does, and it's the warmest you'd felt in a long time. His lips are just as chapped as the last time he'd kissed you, his fingers just as soft as they held your face gently. You feel him press himself against you as his tongue slowly licks into your mouth. You play along, your fingers curling into his hair and tugging softly. He whines against your lips, making you smirk as you pull him away.

"Still wanna get on your knees?" You murmur, and he nods quickly as he sinks to his knees in front of you, and you clear your throat as he pulls your leg over his shoulder, pushing your skirt up to your hips. His breath is warm against your skin as he gasps, peering up at you from behind the bunched fabric. "You're not–" "You're about to yap yourself out of some ass, shut up." You roll your eyes, making him frown as his eyes disappear under your skirt, feeling his teeth nip at your thigh. You flinch, no longer used to his biting habits. "Be gentle." "Yeah, yeah. I don't tell you how to kiss other guys, don't tell me how to eat your pussy." He grumbles, and you go to argue before you feel his tongue circle your clit slowly. You sigh, feeling his free hand snake up to lace his fingers with yours. You hold his fingers tightly as he buries his face into your cunt, eagerly soaking up whatever you'll give him.

You cover your mouth with your free hand, feeling a bit of anxiety pool in your stomach as you hear students walk past the closet. He pulls you even closer, slurping obscenely when you hear someone stop in front of the door, murmured whispers and soft kissing sounds when the doorknob jiggles. You see Soonyoung's hand shoot to grab it, attempting to hold the door tightly shut as they pull.

He doesn't pull away when they yank the door open, leaving you to nearly topple as you yank your skirt down, hiding him beneath it. You're faced with Lee Chan and his girlfriend,Jung Haerim, lipstick smeared all over his face and neck as your own burns in embarrassment. His jaw drops, and you find yourself squirming away from Soonyoung's tongue as you shove him away. 

Soonyoung pouts as he exits your skirt, a deep frown on his glistening lips as he looks at Chan. "Really, man?" "You're the one stealing my closet! You know this is my spot!" Chan argues as Soonyoung stands, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, your orgasm ruined and humiliation levels on 10. "You know, getting fucked in a mop closet shouldn't be something you're proud of." Soonyoung scoffs as he grabs your hand once more, tugging you out as Chan and Haerim blink at the two of you. She opens her mouth, holding up her finger before closing it, pressing her lips together. "Can't we just go to my place?"

"Should've thought of that earlier!" Soonyoung yells over his shoulder, picking up his pace as he hears Chan start after the two of you. You feel the awkward tension start to dissipate as you both bolt down the hallway, and you feel him take a sharp turn towards the fraternity. You hear Chan start yelling curse words before his footsteps stop, and the two of you just giggle to yourselves as you keep running towards the house.

Seeing the house come into view, the two of you quickly make your way up the steps and nearly slam into Seungcheol, who had come to visit (without anyone's knowledge.) He barely moves out of the way as you and Soonyoung barrel up the stairs, not even acknowledging a rather stoned Vernon and Jisun on the second floor landing before sliding into his room. It seemed both of you were on the same page about finishing what was started.

The room is full of clattering as you both undress, and your books are thrown to the side as his hands pull you to him before you both topple onto his bed. His lips are instantly on yours, but it's too chaste – and you hear him murmur something before he presses his lips to yours again.

"I love you." You scoff out a laugh, before you see the seriousness in his eyes. Blinking, you sit up a bit, your fingers trembling as you gently stroke his cheek. He nibbles his lip, and you can feel another laugh bubble in your throat. His ears tinge pink as you laugh, pulling him back down to your level, nuzzling your nose against his softly.

"I love you, too."

His eyes widen, and you swear he stops breathing before you tap him gently. "Hosh? You there?" He blinks, his hand tightens reflexively around your hip. "Yeah…I'm here."

You smile at him, tilting your head as you run your fingers through his hair. "You mean it, right? Do you love me?" "Let me be struck by Zeus himself if I'm lying."

The two of you laugh after a moment, and he swallows carefully. Neither of you make a move to get down to business, instead staring at each other like this was the last time you'd ever see each other. "You okay?" You murmur, and he shakes his head. "You love me." "You know, I figured it would be pretty obvious that I'd liked you well before we ever slept together." You say pointedly. "I'm still not forgiving you, though. You'll have to work for that." He quirks his brow at you, before pushing off you and flopping onto his back. You look at him, and he clears his throat. "M'lady, your throne awaits." "You're an idiot." "Your idiot, now come on. I've got to prove myself to you."

May 9th.

"Y/L/N Y/N." 

Cheers are heard around the auditorium as your name is called, but not even your parents are as loud as your boyfriend amongst your graduating class. "THAT'S MY BABY!"

You feel your cheeks heat as everyone aw's and ooh's, hearing his fraternity brothers blow kazoos like idiots in the stands. The ceremony quickly came to an end as the last few names were called, the security attempting to diffuse crowds of people exiting. You found yourself looking for your boyfriend, finding him being embraced by Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua as his eyes searched for you.

Your relationship with Soonyoung was not perfect by any means. You nearly failed Zoology because he kept interrupting your studying to kiss you, often leading to other things before you would crawl out of his bed to your laptop on the desk, before being lured back in by your siren of a boyfriend. The two of you kept it under wraps best as you could, seeing if Professor Kwon found out (or anyone else, really) you could both get in trouble.

But, everyone seemed to finally be satisfied with the outcome. You and Soonyoung were set to go to grad school together, and everyone congratulated the two of you as you made your relationship official – posting each other freely on social media almost everyday. Coffee dates photographed on your story turned into study (and sex) sessions, his Instagram story was full of you in cute workout sets as you finally let him drag you to his Tuesday dance class. Your dashboard was full of him posting you as much as he could, captions of "my girlfriend!!!" and "me n u…get it? menu…#lovestagram" under a photo of the two of you at a diner.

Your sorority and his fraternity came together to host a graduation party for all the graduates, and you and Soonyoung were going to arrive together. You stare at him from your position near the doors, waiting for him to spot you. You'd both worn a soft pink under your white gowns, and his eyes scan the entire area before finally landing on you. He fights his way out of his friends' arms, and you hear him exclaim to them that he needs to find his girlfriend.

As he approaches you, you think of the tangled web that had been your relationship. A bit of jealousy wrapped in emotional unavailability and insecurities from the both of you, like a cricket held down by a spider's thread. You think about the chase, the game of cat and mouse that the two of you played as you kissed eagerly, a mess of tongues and spit before he'd have to slip away. You think about the first time he smoked you out, and how he'd laughed and held you tightly when you told him you felt like you were about to fall off the Earth.

You think about his growth as a person, about his growth as a man and his growth as your person. The person you found yourself drawn to since you'd stepped foot in Beta Tau Omega four years ago. The same person who bought you a new laptop and then took you out to dinner, the same person who immediately glued himself to you once he found out how much you had in common.

The same person who left when he felt like everything was too much by your side, only to admit his wrongs a year later and beg for your forgiveness on a roof in the middle of autumn. The same person who then slowly lured you into his sticky and tangled web of emotions and unspoken confessions, of kisses full of I love you and embraces screaming I missed you. The same person who said you're his angelfish, his person, his forever. The same person who realizes his mistakes and pushes his pride aside to apologize, even if it means the two of you end up a mess of spit and cum and tears. The same person who tells you now, every night, that he loves you and has done everything he can to prove it day by day.

"Hey, kitty." His smile is warm and full of mischief as his hand gently brushes your hair away from your face, revealing the earrings he gave you a few weeks ago. He thumbs at them softly, before pulling you in closely for a chaste kiss. You smile at him, knowing that this tangled mess is only the beginning of your forever with him. "Let's get out of here."

haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[gassydumbjocks]

Its Good To Be A Man

Tyler close the door and throw himself to the sofa, exhausted after a day of work thanking it was finally over. He worked at a pretty good company, but being the only gay guy in his department and having to deal with homophobes and sexist co-workers was sometimes too much for him, so he thought about watching a movie or a tv show maybe to relax and sleep.

He started to look up in his VHS Cassettes' box and soon noticed that strangely, a new one was there, it didn't got any cover or stuff, and just had written "Its good to be a man" as the only title on it, he found it weird, but then supposed perhaps that his dumb jock of a roommie got it and put it with his stuff "I've told him not to touch my things like a million times, when is that brute gotta learn"

He had to admit the curiousity was hitting him, it was probably a home made video recorded by Connor and his gross buddies, but boy... after all, he was gay, and all of Connor's friends were toned ripped jocks from the gym (with a brain of a peanut size, but hot after all)

Thinking "maybe its just their excersizes routines... guess it wouldn't hurt to see" feeling a bit of a lust mood running in his body "ok, just a couple minutes...but i swear, if its just them having a belch off, im burning this" he said.

Putting the tape in the tv player, he clicked to put the video, and all of a sudden, the typical static sound shows, then a simple white screen, making Tyler raise an eyebrow, before what seemed to be a variety show intro plays, a smiling man in a suit which he supposed was the host, along a bunch athletic shirtless men with dumb expressions who followed next to him appeared in screen.

"Good to see ya again my brothers!" The host announces "this is your program where you learn how to be real MEN", as if it was a cue, the stud-bodied-like guys all grunted and beated their chests, like they were gorillas making a chanting "Uh!, Uh!, Uh!" and flexed their arms, making the audience laugh loudly, with those cocky grins Tyler knew so well, he rolled his eyes.

Making the host laugh aswell, he patted one of them in the back "That's what i talk about" he joked "Alright folks, tonight we'll indulge into an intense session of what it means to be a man, these guys here will serve as examples in showing you all stuff boys MUST do to become the alpha macho men they truly are" he adds, then, smirking, he takes a small device from his suit pocket.

"This little thing here made sure to leave them empty headed and obey any manly command given to them, just as it'll make sure to do the same for you, ma boy" he suddenly announces.

"...The hell?" Tyler said, arching his look again as he watched them "is this some bullshit hypnosis crap or?..." he asked

"That's right, dudes! Lets begin" the host shouted. "It's time to show off around what you're made of! We'll do something primal, no pun intented" he joked "We'll now do the first category: BURPING!, so, let's hear those nice bassy burps!" he says, turning to the group of jocks, as he pressed a button of that device.

Immediatly, they started to release loud and deep monsters of burps, at unison, as if they were in trance, still with those dumb expressions, and Tyler could swear he saw how one of them got his eyes crossed with a complete fool face.

Even worse, Tyler felt a strange urge to burp himself too. He tried to resist, but the feeling was overwhelming, he rubbed his gut hoping to calm it down, but he just letted out a loud, embarrassing belch, blushing immediatly

"Wha-BOOOOUUURRP?- Is happening?!" he said between belches, a little ashamed.

"Excellent!" the host cheered. "This is what i call a manly symphony!, but we also know there is another way to do that, right?" He asks the public with a mischevous grin "FARTING is a big part in the bonding among men, so, we just have to, let it rip right?" He asked again, as he pressed that little button.

Some of the guys turned around to show their butts, other simply proceed to lift their legs, but they all did the same, at the command of "letting rip" they instantly started a worthy orchestra of simultaneous farts, each sounding grosser and deepest than the last one

Tyler was grossed out and sick, he wanted it to stop, but as he bend over a bit over to approach the tv, his butt felt the need to drop a massive, and nasty monster of a deep fart, the loudest he've ever letted out, he could feel his butt vibrating at that one, sitting normally again, horrified and trying to cover his butt with his hands.

"This-BOOOOOOOUUUUURRRRRPP!" He belched "Is a nightmare!..."

PPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRTTTT!!!

That last fart seemed to do something on Tyler, he kept one second silent before, turning his head to the tv again, now with a dumb and foolish grin adorning his face "hahaha, dudee, i need to quit the bean dip next timee" he said in a lower, more manly voice.

"Whew! Guys! Ok ok its enough! Hahaha" The always happy host said, as he waved his hand to make the smell go away, as the dumb bunch of men kept blasting bombs out of their butts "Geez, dont anybody here think on turning on a lighter" he said bursting in laughing, making Tyler laugh too at the stupid joke.

"But for now, this is all we got for today's emmision, bros, we're glad that you could come with us in this, stinky, foul and manly lessons that every man needs to apply in his everyday, till the next program! Boys? Would you like to wave goodbay?" he asked with a grin.

The camera showed each of them, now it was sure they all had that same cross-eyed look and dumb smiles, like Tyler did, the staff offered a can of a kind of soda to one of them, which he drank in a single gulp, before removing it from his lips "GOOOD BYEEEEAAAAUUURRRRRP!" A massive belch came out, as he succesfully burp-talked, gaining again the laughs and applause from all the people in the set.

Meanwhile with Tyler, at the same time he also relaxed his muscles, and lifted a leg as he felt some pressure in his lower abdomen, he knew very well what that meant "Bombs away!" he said proudly, before the smelly, big and long fart made its way out of his crack.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT!!!

"Hahah!" he chuckled "i think i just ruined my undies"

[loveissilentlyworthit]

I'm waiting until one day, she tells me to "stop calling her Sayang/Honey/Sweetie" or whatever, or the forbidden words to end our relationship and she says its over. But before that, I will ask for reasons why, very kindly and not trying to salvage and find solutions or try to deny or disapprove that "we're breaking up". Thus it's better than her trying to hurt me this way just because I don't have my salary in 3 months. Even at one time she had a new boyfriend behind my back, I would just say "oh good for you to have a new boyfriend, also to you, new guy, take good care of her, my love with her is over, she's all yours now. I'm free from this shithole that I got hung up over some dumb cliffhanger with her and I can have my own peace because I was fed with so many lies and reassurances thinking I may be two faced and had talked to someone else which I never had. If I cheated I would've done this a long time ago. I have no backup accounts, ever. If you're not convinced, I'll show you all of my socials and my contacts and who do I really chat the most when she isn't ghosting me. Oh and sorry I'm broke to an extent that I'm 3 months without my salary, maybe I think that she only talks to me because I have money, on every chat message it's always shopee/taobao links trying to satisfy her dopamine and she clearly doesn't understand what dopamine actually means. Where are the memes and gaming news than just shopee links? Oh and you brought up to tell me I'm buying stuff for you just to satisfy you or to make you still like me or I'm buying stuff for you because I'm forced to? What the hell happened when you heard my response I don't have money or I wanna buy it later then you started ghosting me because I don't have money? Yeah yeah sure new guy you can throw whatever humiliation at me whatever you want because I'm letting it all out and I'm done. Also I'd rather settle this here quietly rather than making a callout post on social media because it's fucking immature. I'm sorry and I admit I'm not much of a perfect boyfriend she wanted me to be. New guy, take good care of her financially, mentally and physically, and I don't want anyone coming near me that they had a breakup, I don't need anyone's pity of me because of my incompleteness and imperfectness. Goodbye and I wish you both happiness."

You can say this is copium after I said it, it'll take me hours, days and months for me to recover and I swear if I ever see an article about "many people refuse to marry" I would've absolutely rage and ask why is that shit a concern, shut the fuck up. It's even more like having that question from uncles and nannies about this I would've yelled and say fuck couples and fuck marriage, I'd rather live single until I die, I don't give a shit, and stop talking shit about how I win and take care of a woman's heart, I tried to find a woman equal of me and after months that equality is gone (at least not yet). I'm fine living independently with my roommates and help out people in need. That is unless you wanna come up at me to say "hey bro, I found someone who wants to be with a guy who loves games and anime, and she say she's a huge Persona fan, and she's bright and bubbly too", that would be so much better, but it's a small world I live in. I hope you all would understand.

[anonymouscreampuff]

"Say, Konan.”

Nagato smiled, as if he was teasing her.

"Flowers bear fruit some time."

-

catch me still getting dumb feelings over a dumb book

anyway this was supposed to be for mothers day but as usual im late fgjhfg

[sandsorghum]

The fic I've always wanted to write I don't know what to say about this one because it means a lot. Maybe once I get some distance, I've spent too much time with it. I'm just glad to have made it for Nanami's birthday, under the wire. But also it's unbeta'd. The format is new for me too, sort of a slow-burn triptych, best thought of as snapshots. I want to experiment more with it in the future, so I hope it does well. Please let me know your thoughts! Thread Count Genre: Slow Burn, Romance, Friends to Lovers WC: 5.3k

i.

Ache, behind the eyes. Throbbing. Fizzling fiber optics.

Static hissing. Constant haunting. Pelting silver sibilance. The ghosts chorus against asphalt.

Chill in the air. Condensing upon dewy brows. He tilts his head ever so slightly. Satin relief, the sheets are cool too. Except in one spot.

Warmth already leaching into his palm, from his abdomen. He flexes his fingers against the fabric, to assess how horribly he's stained this bed.

This thread count is too high.

Shit.

"Relax."

His body refuses, does the opposite. Freezes as he hears his name dissolve into a warning. Something fractal spreading in his lungs, spidery and sharp, an icicle breaking off between his ribs as he struggles to sit up.

A hand settles in the crease of his elbow, touch no longer tentative. Firm as the voice, equally familiar. Too familiar.

"It's okay, Akemiuchi's loyalty program is gonna guarantee me a decent discount on the next duvet."

"I'm-"

"It's a good chance to rack up those points. There's this crocheted quilt I've been eyeing? It's the cutest thing ever. I'll show it to you next time."

Nanami winces, sweet intentions souring into an implication. An imposition you've already accepted as inevitable. He's the worst. He had a few moments of consciousness to spare, he knows he did, could have called Ijichi or Shoko even, directly, but no he'd wasted those final flickering seconds to drag himself over here.

The last thing he remembers before slumping over was your welcome mat. Rubber now, instead of fabric.

He can't keep doing this. Not to you.

"Phone." He rasps.

You fluff the pillows behind his head. "It's charging."

A rectangle glares in the periphery of his slits. 3%. It'll do. Ijichi's prompt with calls, especially those coming in at this hour.

" - a real viper's den of cables, took me a while to find yours. I told you you should switch to Android, that port design is super dumb - Hey."

Fingers clamp down on his wrist before he can even reach the nightstand.

"It's late-"

"I was editing a presentation anyway. Clearly we've both got issues with work boundaries."

His arm stretches out again, sinews shrieking their protest, bones creaking their own echo. He ignores them. Deft fingers skate up his swollen biceps, insistent. There's a pressure at his shoulder and he flinches. When had you gotten so strong?

When had he gotten this weak?

"Crap - sorry. That hasn't healed yet? Or is it new..."

He doesn't dignify you with a response, but the tight seam of his lips reveals enough. Nanami's further given away by the loose slump of his limbs. Defeated and betrayed by the mutiny of his howling muscles.

His body sings its triumph with a fresh pang rolling hot through his gut, crimson banner unfurling over ragged veins. He'll be damned if he admits to such a vicious victory. Nanami sucks in a breath instead.

"Fine, don't tell me."

There's something clipped in your voice, something abrupt in the way you stand and stride to the bathroom. A cabinet creaks, but that's all. Nanami watches the silhouette of your hands meld into the shadows to retrieve something off a shelf.

The lowest shelf.

There isn't any other sound besides the soft shuffle of your returning footsteps. Well, of course you'd know where everything is in your own home. Including the things you rarely had a use for. You hadn't even bothered to switch the lights on. Nanami wishes you did. Wishes he could confirm your dry eyes and blank face, numb and neutral as you moved through the motions of getting medicine for the man who has soaked your front step scarlet again.

Routine, right?

The tub thuds against the table, crisp and resolute.

"There's a quarter of the salve left," you mutter. You aren't looking at him. You wouldn't be able to see him in this dark anyway.

"If it isn't enough, I've another jar. Top drawer. Aspirin's there too."

Easy access, even blind, Nanami thinks. The room's still swathed in navy blues. He's invisible in this ink. It feels safe to smile, just for a moment.

"Thank you."

Your head tilts up and his mouth hardens with restraint once more. They were just two words, you couldn't possibly have detected anything beyond civility in them.

But there's a suspicion, once tightly coiled, now starting to slither from the base of his spine and it's this: People don't unquestioningly accept their ex-colleagues into their apartments at 3am to bleed into their bed, out of sheer politeness.

A sliver of a pause before you say,"You're welcome."

You move to the door.

Nanami exhales, the exhaustion deflates and the stubbornness exsanguinates as his bones relearn their weight. Your palm meets the handle and you let go of the breath you didn't know you were holding. But it hitches when you hear the grunt of your name. You glance over your shoulder.

"Akemiuchi, was it?" An index prods at your comforter.

"Uh. Yeah?"

The confusion furrowing your brows is clear in Nanami's mind, he knows just how those lines will knit and scrunch your puzzled expression. He knows, even at a distance, with you all the way across the room how you'll shrug and shake your head at his apparently random question.

"Okay."

"Okay. Rest well, Nanami."

Then you're gone, and it's safe now.

It's a famous brand, there's a branch three blocks down from his neighbourhood. He's seen the quilt, a recent addition to the autumn collection. An elaborate fuss of mint and pastels, taking pride of place in the storefront window. It's got tassels too.

Gaudy, unabashedly.

Nanami closes his eyes and his mouth twitches.

ii.

He shows up at your doorstep tonight, a night of thunderstorms, looking like an envoy of Zeus and giving you about as much warning. His always imposing silhouette had crumpled in a crack of lightning.

When the skies next belched and blanched, you'd seen his clothes drenched with rain and red. And a goopy violet you'd never seen before.

"What do you tell people?" you had asked early on, not expecting any proper answer. You were right not to.

"They don't ask."

"You don't let them." It's neither question nor confrontation, but you get confirmation in his silence, eyes downcast amidst the downpour.

He'd had the decency to be mollified about the dramatics.

You were people to him too. He'd given you the same answer he gave everyone else. You could tell how well it was rehearsed, even through his grimaces, mumbling his way through something about Private security.

Unlike others however, you weren't polite enough to accept his excuses. Especially not when he dripped all over your carpet.

"I'll replace it," he shudders, heaving himself against the edge of your bathtub.

"It's $3000," you pointed out, kneeling and pressing a towel to his side. He arches a brow, not so much shocked by the hefty price tag, but by your lavish attitude towards interior decorating. You, on the other hand, are startled by a swoosh and soon after, the chime of your phone receiving the bank's notification.

You stare at your screen, then back up at Nanami, who simply pockets his mobile with a small shrug.

Somehow, it seemed smug.

Whatever this new gig was, it paid a hell of a lot better than the previous one at which you two had met. You pull the cloth away.

The fibers are saturated red, staining your fingertips. What kind of job could be worth this? Moral fetters at the expense of financial freedom, was that the trade off Nanami had made? Nanami Kento, whose Monday blues seemed to colour every week for all the years you had known him, whose bleak, sombre expression stayed whether cast under cost-cutting fluorescents or the neon glitz of Shinjuku's excess.

You remembered the distant din of middle management's chants, the chugging and choking of sycophants, all muffled by plumes of cigarette smoke escaping thin lips, and a jacket draped wordlessly over your shoulders. Sobriety never seemed to be an issue for him.

Yet, he always appeared more exhausted than his hungover colleagues, the shadows beneath his naked eyes darker and deeper than those hidden under the department head's sunglasses. Nods to decorum couldn't disguise the stench of alcohol or the slur of his speech, a nasal wheedling appealing to Nanami's efficiency as another stack of files thumped down unceremoniously before him.

You gaze at Nanami now, beneath the bright white lights of your bathroom, teetering on the edge of your tub. He looks just as tired, except now he reeks of iron, not whiskey. Liberated from a desk, still duty-bound. We all pick our poisons and our prisons, you think.

The two of you have an understanding by now. Whatever his next chapter was, that story is sealed behind a steel vault, nothing will ever rust away at its hinges. You don't care. You're just...nosy, occasionally. The fib forming from a few bad habits, like how you couldn't close the door on this particular part of your past.

The consternation had been there before, threatening to bubble over, acidic enough to bleach bones. Yet even then you knew, Nanami had no use for emotional effervescence.

So what could you do, but wipe away the stains and residuals? Return him smudge-free glasses so he's immaculate and impassive once more. Though there's no alternative to ignoring your instincts, the filtrates of fear never quite boiled down to what you could label as mere curiosity; still corrosive, always gnawing away at you.

In the stretch of months after, in his indefinite absences, the fangs drill down to your marrow. You only muzzle its maw when Nanami reappears with gashes and abrasions and an expression masking whatever else his shredded suits can't.

And you, you've gotten pretty decent at disguising the twisted relief that comes with finding his pulse; intermittent, but in your hands.

"You always did have expensive taste," he comments, catching your stare before you can tunnel further down that rabbit hole.

You blink, then snap the clasps on the first aid kit and scoff, "Please, your midweek coffee bill was double my lunch budget for the month."

Your hands make quick work of the packaging.

"Even if I was buying for two," you add.

"Did you want a reimbursement? You always said it was your treat."

You roll your eyes. "Because someone always forgot to take a break. Seriously? Not even a vending machine sandwich? Nobody should be able to survive solely off six espressos."

You pause, laying out a few other implements. "The cafeteria's ciabatta is a lot better now though, after you gave them those tips. Shame you left before you saw the benefit of your feedback pay out."

"Hm."

To anyone else, the sound is non-committal. But you recognize that hum, the rich roundness hinting at his satisfaction, that a minor injustice of yeasty mediocrity had been redressed.

You recognized it, because it was rare and you'd always had to strain to hear it, replaying it in your mind to compensate for the sore dearth set by reality's quota.

"Besides, I couldn't risk our top sales lead collapsing from low blood sugar at an important stakeholders' meeting. Oh, and Shuichi's department head now, so thanks for that."

There's a suspicion of amusement which rumbles low in his chest, a sound you've heard even less frequently, and so conversely, dreamed about more. But it cuts off abruptly into a rough grunt when your fingers ghost over his ribs, swiping antiseptic. You look up sharply.

"This is even worse than-"

"It should have been you." Nanami's interruption rings mildly vexed, to your surprise. He grips your hand with a force that's even more unexpected, as he pulls it away. "You had more seniority than him."

"Yeah well, you know how it is." you mutter, fist clenching around the cotton swab before hurling it into the bin. "Apparently women my age are meant to be running nurseries, not boardrooms."

Nanami watches you fiddle with the surgical thread, spooling it through without hesitation. Meets your gaze, unclouded by worry or weariness. It had been 2am when he had turned up unannounced. And he feels your hands, reassuring warmth hovering over his wound. He nods once, and you touch skims over ruptured skin, where a fresh scar awaits to adorn his obliques.

His breath seems harsh and loud to his own ears.

"You could manage both if that's what you wanted."

"What makes you think that?"

"You're capable of a lot. Discipline and kindness."

The crescent of your eyes and lips glint brighter than the curved piece of silver weaving in and out of his flesh. It's a pleasant distraction, he'll admit that much.

"Ruthlessness too," he adds, wincing as the needle digs into a particularly tender spot.

"Go on," your smile is sardonic, both bee sting and nectar. Nanami feels a twinge in his rib cage, in his chest free from any visible bruises.

"You're beautiful."

Maybe he lost a lot more blood than he realised. He only notices his accident of sincerity when the thread is tugged tense, the needle jerking back abruptly. Then the anvil drops over his windpipe.

He glances at the gleaming point, barely quivering between your thumb and forefinger. The tremble of your lips is terribly obvious by contrast.

Desperation surges through him suddenly, a riptide of an urge to have them quake against his own, to savour your whimpers shaking against his tongue, give you a taste of your own medicine, have the pinprick of his incisors sink into where you're soft and vulnerable. You've given him countless stitches, and he hasn't left a single mark on you. It's unfair. It's cruel.

"How-" A distracting slip of pink darts out to wet your lips. The needle nips into his skin again and he has to hold back a groan.

"How is that trait relevant to being either a manager or a mother?"

Nanami grips the edge of the tub, white-knuckled as its porcelain. There's a pause. Longer than he's comfortable with, though you don't seem to notice. Or comment on it at least. Small mercies.

Then he says, "It doesn't hurt your odds."

"My odds aren't that great."

For a moment, Nanami wonders if you're still fishing for compliments. But then, dorsal finned mischief flashes in your grin and you let him off the hook.

"Most smooth-talkers aren't like you. More style than substance."

Your smile stretches wry, deprecation retreats into the furthest corners of your cheeks. "Not that I meet many of them though."

"It's difficult to find someone compatible." You lean forward, on the pretext of inspecting the knot before you snip the thread. Your hand settles on his knee. His spine stiffens into a limestone column. The caterpillars in Nanami's belly curl into tight cocoons.

"Someone who isn't intimidated by my ambitions," your fingers are feather-light, trailing up his toned hamstrings. Nanami feels the winged creatures twitch in their chrysalis.

"My desires..." Your palm curves higher, like your lips, closer to the apex of his muscled thighs. Newborn butterflies stir, damp with arousal. Nanami swallows, perhaps his spit could extinguish the sparks fluttering in his gut.

"Someone who's sensible and strong, who could hold me down long enough to..." The ridges of your knuckles have met the crest of his seams, any further and you'd feel the effect of your touch, of your smoldering eyes.

"...put a child in me." Your whisper fans the flames in his hollowed cheeks, in his skin scorching and stretched thin over the flint of his jaw, in the recesses of his throat, scratchy with kindling.

"If that's what we both wanted." It's the slightest graze of your thumb, but Nanami's already doomed by the briefest jolt of his hips. Fuck. You definitely felt that. Your eyes flicker, but by some sheer miracle, not downwards.

"Do you know someone like that, Nanami?" you murmur and he breathes hard, sees the vapour of his harsh pants slip behind your own mouth, parted and patient. Your fingers haven't moved a fraction too.

His brushes with death have sculpted his body, corded his chiseled torso with complete control, each synapse wired with lightning to assess curses, salivating for his flesh and demise.

Nanami knows the anaerobic burn of adrenaline, what it is to run on fumes into the jaws of danger, to dispatch nightmares, to delay the inevitable. Countless demons slewed in calculations of perfect precision, in single fell swoops and too close shaves.

You are the greatest peril Nanami has faced in years.

It takes every last fiber of his being, of his battered body, crafted far beyond the demands of labour and the delusions of purpose, not to buck into the threat and promise of your gentle heated hands or crush his mouth to yours.

"No," Nanami croaks. "I don't."

iii.

There's something soupy about the atmosphere tonight, thick with humidity, hot fog rolling in. The sheets stick to his clammy skin.

He doesn't remember how he got here this time.

Regret reverberates together with recognition as his cuticles clink against glass. There's the rustle of foil, conveniently within reach too. The plastic pops twice underneath his nail. The end of the row, Nanami notices.

He wonders if these are the drowsy kind, or maybe it's just a moonless night and all the shadows are melting together. Eventually he finds the silhouette he's looking for, slumped into a chair.

Nanami squints at the world's saddest mountain, gradually losing its slope. It's the blanket sliding off you. It puddles by your ankles, next to a basin of water, tinged pink and tepid by now. You shiver slightly, his eyes dart up and sure enough, there's the rag, twisted in your hands.

An exhale wheezes its way from his ribs and Nanami winces; he should know by now shallow sighs are all his sunken chest will allow. But the pain is dulling everything, pounding against his ivory dome like a petulant brat with balled fists.

His mobile - had you confiscated it? Such sly sweetness - Focus, landline then for a taxi, tip extra for the smears on the seats -

"You should be carrying an umbrella with you these days. Could probably fit one in that holster."

Your admonishment pierces through his haze, sounding less groggy than he'd hoped.

"It'd obstruct movement."

"Or try wearing a poncho, unless you're worried it ruins the lines of your suit." You stand up, retrieving a familiar looking quilt off the floor. The shipping had been free, he recollects.

"Given the latest state of your jacket however, I doubt that's a priority."

Nanami hauls himself up, or tries to. His deltoids have other ideas, and every muscle beneath them agrees. The veto is unanimous, and he grimaces.

You shuffle over, remarking, "I've been looking for a good tailor. I'm sure you have recommendations."

"Bulk orders from the department store," Nanami grunts, combating gravity as he attempts to swing his leaden legs over the bedside. You drag the duvet back over his lap and it might as well be lumber.

"Shame on you," you scoff with such force that he stops struggling for two whole seconds to look askance at you.

"Deluding some atrocious tie designer out there into thinking they have a shot in the fashion industry."

Against his better judgement, Nanami decides a snort is worth the risk. It isn't, obviously. He learns, too late, the appeal of mirth's medicinal qualities is gravely overstated.

"And if I told you they were custom pieces?" he snipes.

"Then I'd applaud whatever keeps attacking you."

A warning filters through the back of his brain, Whatever, not whoever. Suspicion alone is a lethal enough threshold to his world, he can't risk you. And yet he's here, the voice whispers. Far from an emergency.

"My assailants are probably acquainted with decent tailors."

Nanami's cynicism towards humour as a balm ebbs, watching your lips curve.

"I'm in stitches," you state, digits skimming Nanami's pectorals, skirting around the petunias starting to clot there.

"You took a dozen this time," you add, a little softer.

He lets your palm stay on his chest. "Where's my cell?"

"Down the chute."

"I'll use yours then." He brushes your hand away.

"Mine's outta juice too." A fist this time, knuckles pressed to his breastbone.

Nanami's eyes flick up to the ceiling for a moment, he's long suspended belief in heaven or gods, the gravity of his bones remind him of this; Any covenant he's made is between his cursed technique and body - more altar than temple.

"Got a pull out couch?" he asks at last.

"Oh shut up. You're staying here," you huff in disbelief and he looks at you, a Vestal Virgin with embers for irises. A braver man than him would wait for the hint of a spark.

But instead he says, "More water, please."

You nod, handing him a mug that's still warm but empty. "I'll fetch the thermos - oh, hang on. Let me rinse that out, sorry."

Nanami takes a quick sniff before passing it over. "Nicaragua?"

"Guatemala, Santa Isabel," you elaborate. "Tea's probably better for putting you down though."

"Water's fine."

You slip out into the shadows, taking the aroma of the dark roast with you. Nanami reclines against the headboard, your scent lingering in his passageways. Yet another inconvenience he's instigated. A longstanding tradition, fitting its origins. There had been a time when you insisted on oolong instead, or the superiority of Ceylon. You were convincing enough in those first few months, with your tiresome tirades and passionate grandstanding in the pantry, all before 8am. Nanami had almost attributed your bright eyes to the beverages you rigorously argued for, even as he refused to deviate from the ritual masochism of his "sad bean juice". Not so much elixir as IV drip. "That much caffeine will wreck your melatonin production," you berated him. He had no idea what you were talking about but then, neither did you. The destruction of Circadian rhythms, the annihilation of any balance beyond the kind in the books you pored over (long after your bosses had dumped them on you a quarter to 7), would never boil down to what was poured into your mug. The defeat was inevitable. Nanami told himself he didn't miss your near daily trivial one-sided debates; they just interfered with his morning reports. Still, he had stared too long at the pair of steaming takeaway cups you carried in one day. "A peace offering," you said. "Robusta. The cafe down the street has a fresh batch every Tuesday." You leaned forward, depositing them under his nose. "Here's to the grind, on our terms." A croissant wrapped in the white flag of a serviette slides next to his cup, over the grey laminate of the table. Compromise shouldn't smell this good on you, he had thought. In your kitchen he's spotted both the conical slopes of the Chemex, and your stash of pyramid pouches with their loose leaf treasures. Just one more thing he's taken away from you on a night like this. He's an aberration, an intrusion - much like the flavours infringing upon your tongue. It ought to be the routine lull of chamomile, instead it's coffee, keeping you alert; iron and tannin tangling in the air. Nanami's mind drifts to the rude awakening your taste buds must endure, wonders about the sweetness there, more hazelnut than herbal, strong or mellow, aggressive or pliant- "Here." Nanami reaches out, fingers grazing ceramic that feels like hearthstones. He finds the handle by sheer luck. The sips he takes are small and slow, tendrils of steam climbing up his sheer cliff face. Over the rim, Nanami feels you watching him absently. Your concern suspended over the ravine between the both of you, silence slack in your carabiners.

Then you murmur, "Your mouth's too hot."

His throat goes taut. "What?"

"I forgot. Now the reading won't be accurate," you sigh.

Something rolls off his shoulders when he recognises the thin beak of the thermometer outlined in your grasp. The sensation is more weighted than mere relief, Nanami can't quite name it. It's a residual sludge in his gut, turning the ground to mud as he tries to trample it.

"I'm fine."

"Liar." The mattress dips and the boulder in his belly plummets as he feels your body brush next to his. He pushes back, it's Sisyphean, your breath against his clavicle, his soles are slipping.

"What are you-"

"Last I checked," you interject, wrestling the covers over your laps, "this is my bed."

His knees buckle as you shove aside his thigh with yours.

"You'll catch this bug." The warning is futile, Nanami knows. He's already set down the mug.

Your tone takes on a solemn timbre. "An extra risk. There's no known cure for cooties either. Sorry to break it to you."

Nanami huffs through his nostrils, he ought to feel more patronized than placated. But there's a levity to your touch, gently pressing him back against the bed.

"And I really hope you're not a blanket hogger because I'll kick you out. Injured or not."

There's already too little space between you and him but Nanami turns on his side, stoic expression that much closer. "You should have kicked me out a long time ago."

"Probably," you agree.

Nanami startles as your fingers sweep beneath his fringe, pressing your palm to his forehead, then to yours, then back to his.

"At least your fever's broken, I think."

Perhaps the pills worked, but Nanami doesn't feel the same relief flooding your gaze.

"Are you sure?"

Your touch lingers, he leans into it. His temperature is rocketing, if anything. Hesitantly, Nanami's hand glides over your temples.

"You're too warm yourself."

"I'm not," you object, despite the steadily building furnace in your cheeks. "Check again."

"This isn't accurate," Nanami mutters, but his touch settles over you. His fingers should stay in a delicate arch over your head but his hand is drifting to cup your face, feeling your smile curve into his palm. He cradles it, together with the quiet of your breathing slowing into sync.

"I should keep a couple of shirts in the closet. What size do you wear?" you mumble sleepily.

"That's not necessary."

You crack open an eye. "So you're gonna insist on staying half-naked in an unmarried woman's bed?"

Nanami retracts his hand swiftly, as if he's been scalded.

"That's not what-"

"Don't get me wrong," you smirk, drowsiness completely vanquished. (Had it really been there in the first place? Nanami wonders.)

"Wearing just perspiration and bandages is a great look on you, but..."

You pull the blanket higher over the distinct curves of his biceps, shifting closer. "You'll get cold. And the forecast said rain tonight."

The meteorologists must be right for once, he thinks.The atmosphere is electric, frenetic with an impending summer storm. He can feel the crackling in his capillaries, heat condensing in the air.

You're an inch, maybe less, away from his face now. Near enough anyway that he can make out the feathered arc of your lashes, can see how they'd flutter with each of his exhalations, if he isn't careful.

Nanami holds his breath, becomes statuesque. You notice.

He's a magnum opus of masonry, Michelangelo's misery, muscles cast in moonlight and breaking all mortal molds - but the truth is, he's built himself from scratch. You know this. You've admired his Adonis belt, cut from alabaster, yes, but you've also witnessed that rigid expression, pale as chalk. The bricks in his abdomen, the welts chiselled crudely into his spine, your hands have traced all this.

It's how you know where to look for movement now, your palm pressing over the telltale pounding in those marble pectorals, fingertips skating the shadows that dance along the column of his throat. Nanami swallows cinders, the inferno in his belly growls. There is smoke in his lungs, his trapped protests, his warnings will taste like ash.

Because Nanami's not sure how much more of your mercy he can take, how many more miracles will lay to waste his mornings and nights as he remembers the softness of your skin, free from soot.

Reality isn't this good to him, Nanami isn't kind enough for it-

But you are.

Your kiss is gentle, glacial. Mouth drifting over his, as innocuous and inevitable as an iceberg.

A kiss so gentle it rips the hull of him wide open.

A hissing, gasoline fumes siphoned from his clenched teeth as he rolls your body on top of him and his cracked ribs, your gasp tangling with the rustle of the sheets. They bunch in your fists as he feels you struggle to push away from him, to alleviate the weight, but Nanami needs it, like pressure upon a spurting wound, grabs your hips and holds them flush to his own as he locks his other hand around your nape. He nips your protest in half, teeth and tongue raking and tilling along your bottom lip, until at last you let submission bloom in the bruises there.

Nanami doesn't know if he will survive this tenderness; if it'll survive him. The struggle is exhausting. But then, your hand clutches the hair at the back of his neck, roots silken in your strong grasp. Soft blonde strands sprout through the gaps of your fingers, the furrow of your brow eases into a plateau, a quiet moan pushes into his mouth; and Nanami knows he's lost.

And found again.

He feels the sickle of your smile, the swipe of your tongue as it reaps the first fruits of spring.

The scent of rain starting to fall can't compare to the taste of you, the scattered sounds are even more vague. Nanami doesn't register the gale's shrill whistle, too focused on the high peals of your whimpers. Precipitation's heavier pitter-patter against the panes is drowned out by the hammering of your heart underneath him, all of heaven's rumbling can't contend with the rushed whispers of his name and yours. Nanami links your hands together, the syllables loop around your bodies tighter and tighter as the intervals between your chants get shorter, breathier.

You pull away from Nanami at last, not quite completely, as he tries to temper his greed by suckling at your neck, your pulse barely a pacifier for his petulance. You pant, head lolling further to the side.

The sky has mistaken itself for the sea, deluge of melodrama lashing against your window. The cityscape is shrouded in silver, though you're not exactly enamoured by the view at the moment.

Nanami coaxes your attention back to him, lips roving over your cheeks and chin and nose. He rests his forehead against yours, gazing deep into your eyes. The silence is different now.

There had always been a certain detachment and distance, as if he were tuned to the frequency of a far away planet, a separate world. Still, you were pulled into each other's orbit; a pair of satellites emitting mixed signals.

You sense him drifting now, calibrating, calculating again; static buzzing as he searches for the right words.

You sigh and tug Nanami into another kiss.

He's a little surprised the atmosphere isn't scorching, that he isn't burning up upon reentry, falling back into your gravity. The heat is still there of course, just under your tongue and evident in the kerosene trails you're painting across his chest. It's diffuse this time, simmering rather than searing. Languid as syrup, as butter browning in a skillet. No flash in the pan, you tell him, lips still occupied.

Nanami closes his eyes, the liquid light filling him brighter than any solar flare. You drag your kiss, slow and soothing, till it's tucked into the hollow of his throat.

"Sweet dreams, Kento."

How redundant, he thinks without verbalizing it, arm curling around his one impossible yearning that has already come true.

Quietness seeps through the room as you curl into Nanami's side, and he allows himself to drift into warmth's embrace; the warmth of a sunbeam spilling through billowing muslin curtains.

Perhaps he could get used to this thread count.

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

Stay Peachy: Kwamibuster

Summary: With Ladybug out of commission Chat Noir is the only one who can stop Kwamibuster... If only everyone would just work with him here!

---------------------------------

"Let me get this straight. Tikki's captured. Ladybug's powerless and captured, I was this close to losing you too but you won't tell me where Master Fu is? Am I missing anything?" Adrien asked Plagg.

Plagg twitched nervously. "But- but-"

"You have five seconds to give me a good alternative or we're going to see Fu," Adrien announced.

"You could distract Kwamibuster while Ladybug escapes!" Plagg tried.

Adrien crossed his arms and glared. "I said a good alternative! You getting caught isn't good for anyone!"

"Might be good for Ladybug?" Plagg shrugged his arms and gave his most convincing grin.

"Sure! I'll just hand Papillon the other kwami he needs while I have to use a banana suit to protect my identity or something!" Adrien replied sarcastically.

"You'd love that wouldn't you." Plagg knew Adrien. There was a good chance-

The sound of a door being blown off it's hinges echoed down the hallway as Kwamibuster started searching the floor they were on. "Where are you, little cat? I already have a ladybug for my insect collection. Now I just need a small mammal!"

Plagg gave his best kitty cat eyes.

Adrien didn't budge.

Plagg's arms drooped. "Okay, okay! Let's just get outa here first!"

"Knew you'd see things my way." Adrien smirked.

---------------

Master Fu was having a nice, calming, afternoon tea with Wayzz when there was an insistent banging at his door. Wayzz hiding at the sound.

The Guardian sighed. "Who could that be?"

The banging got louder.

"Patience! I am coming! What's the big-"

A blond headed blur shot in and slammed the door shut.

"So this is where you live. Nice place ya got here. Ladybug's in trouble and I need more Miraculous!" Adrien's words tumbling out in a rush as his heartbeat jumped up his throat. Maybe I should have used the window.

"Chat Noir!?" Fu's eyes nearly popping out of his head in surprise.

"Sorry, Master." Plagg appeared, uncharacteristically serious, ears low. "It was an emergency."

"Plagg!?" This was unprecedented! Yes, the Kwami of Destruction was the most free spirited of those in the Miracle Box. But even he knew the importance of secrecy! "What are you doing-"

"Ladybug's in trouble! I just said that!" Adrien supposed he could have worded it better... But also: Ladybug was in trouble! And he was in a hurry!

The Guardian glanced from boy to kwami. Who nodded. "Very well," Fu conceded. Going to the gramophone and entering the code. Bringing out the Miracle Box which he set in its usual place when Marinette came. "Adrien Agreste, choose an ally to help you on this mission. Remember that they mist return the Miraculous once the mission is complete."

Adrien stared as the Miracle Box opened. Kneeling down in imitation of the Guardian's pose. He hadn't known there were so many Miraculous! One of them surely had the power to help! Only...

"What is it Chat Noir?"

Adrien looked up at Master Fu's face. "I dunno what most of these do."

The Guardian sighed. "This is exactly why it should be Ladybug who chooses the temporary hero."

"Hey, it's not my fault you decided she was the only one who could know things!" So this is what being Chat Noir without the mask felt like. "I'm-" Adrien paused as a thought hit him. "Oh. Oh!"

"... Yes?" Master Fu prompted.

"I just realized how dumb it is that I'm not supposed to know the temporary heroes secret identities."

Fu blinked. "Excuse me?"

Adrien shook his head to get his thought process back on track. "Anyway!"

"Chat Noir, what did you mean by-"

"No time!" Adrien pointed at the Miraculous. "Teach!"

Grumbling something about manners Fu acquiesced.

Skipping over the ones Adrien already knew the Guardian quickly ran down the list. The Pig could show you your deepest desire? Seemed like it'd be a good distraction. The Dragon had how many abilities!? Overpowered but okay. The Mouse could make little copies of you. Heh, that sounded adorable but-

"That's it!" Adrien interrupted Fu to grab the Fox and Mouse Miraculous. Which he promptly put on.

"What are you doing!?" The Guardian exclaimed. "No holder has ever used three Miraculous before! It's too dangerous!"

"Well, I don't know who Rena Rouge is and I'm not gonna spend any more time looking!" Adrien turned to the materializing Fox and Mouse kwamis. "Sorry, we're in a bit of a hurry."

"Oh, aren't we always? Name's Trixx."

"Mullo!"

"Alright. Mullo, transforme-moi!"

Multimouse took a moment to adjust to the unfamiliar magic of his new suit.

"I really don't think this is the best course of action," Fu said, attempting to dissuade the young boy.

"Relax, Master! I'll keep him out of trouble!" Trixx announced.

Multimouse nodded as he opened a window. "Thanks. Now, c'mon Trixx, Plagg. I'll explain the plan on the way!" So saying, he launched himself skyward.

Wayzz finally emerged from his hiding place, floating towards his holder.

Fu looked at his kwami. "Oh, I hope he doesn't collapse on the way."

---------------

"True or false? Ladybug has disguised herself as Mr. Banana!"

Marinette was not having a good day. First, Chat Noir's kwami almost reveals her identity. Then, Tikki got captured! And now that tomcat was nowhere in sight. Marinette had barely escaped from Kwamibuster the first time and now she was cornered mere meters from the exit!

"Uh, stay peachy?!" Marinette ran for it.

But Kwamibuster leapt over her and grabbed her wrist. "You can't get away from me!"

"CHARGE!"

From the doorway came a whole swarm of kwamis! Flitting about Kwamibuster and distracting her enough for Marinette to get away.

"You can't get away from me!" Kwamibuster chased after them as they sped off. "You're no match for Kwamibuster!"

"Ladybug!"

Turning around, Marinette saw Plagg and a little guy holding onto his ears. She blinked, this was the first time she saw the Mouse Miraculous in action.

"It's me!" he declared, grinning. "Chat Noir! Or Multimouse, I guess."

"Chat Noir!?" But that meant- No, no, she could panic about that later. "Well, then you must need my Miraculous." Marinette reached for her earrings.

"Uh, no? Why would you think that?"

"Because... Nevermind. What's the plan?"

Multimouse winked. "You'll see. Make your way back to the roof!" And zipped away before Ladybug could ask more questions.

"... A Chat Noir plan. This oughta be interesting."

---------------

"I will capture you all!"

Kwamibuster laughed maniacally as she shot her beam at the Plagg reskins. Made by Multifox with his Mirage. And that wasn't the only part of the illusion.

"I have to say. I think Ladybug will be impressed," Plagg stated. Floating directly above the supervillain so she would need to crane her neck straight up to spot them.

"It has to work first," Multimouse replied. Still standing on top of Plagg's head. His small army made their way into position.

Now!

Multimouse's invisible doubles launched their indestructible ropes at Kwamibuster. Becoming visible as they wrapped her up like Gulliver on Lilliput.

"What!? What's going on!? Oof!" She toppled none too gently.

Wasting no time Plagg zipped down.

"No! You can't beat Kwamibuster!" She freed her blaster hand.

"Mullo, Plagg, unify!"

"Aha!" Twisting upwards she aimed the beam at Multimouse.

"Cataclysm!"

Adrien's power touched the tip of her barrel and the rust spread from it to her pack. Freeing Tikki as dark mist transformed Kwamibuster back into Mme. Mendeleiev.

Adrien merged himself back together as the akuma flew past him. "Uh, Ladybug!"

A red blur shot out and caught the akuma before it could get far. Ladybug releasing a white butterfly in its place.

Multimouse grinned. "Perfect timing as always, My Lady."

"I dunno about that." Ladybug looked around at the destroyed rooftop.

"You think it'll work without a Lucky Charm?" Multimouse asked, following her train of thought.

Ladybug looked at her yo-yo. "The akuma was purified so it should." Throwing it skyward with a little more strength than usual she called out the words. "Miraculous Ladybug!"

The cure swept around them as Ladybug's yo-yo fell back into her hands.

"Knew you could do it," Multimouse praised. "Now, I've got some errands to run-" he tapped the two Miraculous necklaces "-so you take care of Mme. Mendeleiev."

He half turned. "Oh! And sorry about my kwami. No idea what he was doing at that primary school."

"It was a- lycée, yeah. Lycée."

"Right!" He grinned. "A lycée." Totally not a collège. Giving Ladybug a two finger salute he leapt off the tower. Mme. Mendeleiev's insistence on the validity of her scientific discovery fading behind him.

---------------

Adrien held out his index finger to shake the kwamis' hands. "You were both a big help! Thanks."

"You weren't so bad yourself, Chat Noir," Trixx grinned.

"Yeah!" Mullo agreed. "Usually Plagg's holders are no fun but you ran circles around that kwami snatcher!"

Adrien blushed a little at their praise. "Hope we can work together again someday." The kwamis waved as they reentered their Miraculous.

Master Fu closed the Miracle Box once Adrien placed them back inside. Returning it to its hiding place. "It is quite impressive that you withstood the power of three Miraculous long enough to accomplish your task."

"... Actually it was super easy. Barely an inconvenience."

The Guardian blinked. "What?"

Adrien nodded. "Yeah, I don't think occasionally using two or three Miraculous at once is all that dangerous. Maybe if you wore a whole bunch of 'em. But why would you do that?"

Fu processed that for a bit.

Adrien sipped from his tea, awkwardly. "... So does this mean I finally get Guardian training?"

Master Fu nearly slipped as he sat back down. "Huh?"

"I mean, I already know where you are. And we've seen that if Ladybug is compromised it's better if I know what to do," Adrien reasoned out logically.

"I... That is... Uh..." Fu looked desperately at Plagg, who was gorging himself on cheese.

"Hey, don't look at me. Kid's got a point." Plagg swallowed another wedge of Camembert.

Fu slumped with a sigh. Clearly outmaneuvered. "Where should we start?"

"Potions!" Adrien exclaimed, eyes sparkling. This was going to be fun. He could feel it!

[that-little-zebunny]

Skin to Skin (First Date)

Pairing: Loki x Avenger!Reader

Warning: Angst, little Gorey-ish details, Fluff

WC: 2,151

Summary: You're new to the team and end up messing it up with the God of mischief on your first day in. Knowing his reputation you're up for a fun time in the compound.

Note: First of all thank you so much guys for the warm acceptance you gave on our 1st part T....T y'all made my heart so so happy. I hope you'll enjoy this part and I'd love to know how you think. Its a bit long so yay enjoy.

2nd day of our wonderful HBC's Week of Love for the lovely @the-th-horniest-book-club 🥰

You know what's the fun part of fighting the bad? It's that it doesn't choose a great time. It pops up as randomly as it can. So here you are on your second day trying to go around and meet people, when you got a message to suit up.

Small details are that you and your team are going to keep an eye on one of hydras abandoned bases because Friday had detected some activity there.

What you didn't know is the team you speak of is just you, the Falcon, Natasha and Loki. Yup, how fun will it be? You and the person that doesn't like you in one deadly work. You won't be surprised if somehow between the fighting you'll be stabbed by him. You shook your head to remove the thoughts running in it. You really should stop watching suspense shows. You sighed.

After almost three hours in the air you all finally made it in the location. You scratched your head when you saw that the area is surrounded by a lot of trees.

"Looks like we're up for a fun hide and seek game if there's really people here now." Nat said as she fixed all the weapons secured on her belt. Sam agreed. He activated three of his cute little drones to help out with securing the area for treats.

"We should go. All these small talks will not vanish our enemies." Loki said walking past the three of you. You pouted.

"I think that's mostly because of me. Sorry guys." You said as you finished fixing your knives on your belt and grabbing your metal staff. It's your main weapon because it keeps you from getting near anyone when it's not needed.

"No worries cookies, he's like that to everyone. He didn't really have a choice in being here. He's banished here to help." Sam said using the silly nickname they all choose to give you after you delivered tons of cookies to them.

You look at Loki's retreating back sadly.

You're able to get inside the rusty building without encountering anyone.

"This is a bit creepy. How did Friday detect anything here? There's no one in about 10 kilometers." Sam said as he checked the tech in his arm.

"Maybe it's a ghost?" You joked which earned you a strange look from them. "What? I watch movies." You rolled your eyes at them and continued going to another part of the building to check. It looks like you're in a laboratory slash surgery room. That gave you chills. You tried to not imagine how many bodies were cut and gutted in here.

"You have a very unique mind." Someone said which made you squeak. You turned around swinging your staff towards the voice but was halted by a sting hand. Loki held the end of your staff smirking at you.

"Crap…" you whispered. You didn't do anything again didn't you? "I-I'm sorry." You bit your lips as you relaxed, removing your staff from his hold.

"For someone that works with emotions you do suck at it." He said, smirking at you.

You scratched your nape as you stared up at his face, his very very beautiful face. Ugh!

"I know. Its been a challenge controlling my own. I was so used at controlling others." You said remembering your childhood. How you tried to mold your always bickering parents to play nice when you're around and to act as if they loved you. You know they hated it and they hated you but what can you say you were ten and scared. But they didn't care. All they know is you're an anomaly and that they rather not be around you. That's why as soon as your grandma offered they toosed you away like a hot potato.

You shook your head as your most dreaded memory came up. You frowned and turned to look at Loki again.

"Was that you!?" You asked. You're gritting your teeth as you feel the rage consume you. He just stared down at you smirking wickedly. You boinked away the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. "We're even now." You said gripping your staff.

"Yes we are." He proudly said as he went around checking if he could find anything useful and you did the same.

It really was a lab and they've experimented on people trying to make a brain dead person have functions again. That made your stomach turn especially when you saw the reports of how the patients reacted to that. Some were like dummies and some became vicious. And so many more that you end up closing the files you're reading and you just grabbed them.all to bring them back with you.

"Find anything else?" You asked Loki but he didn't answer so you went to look what he's doing in the room he went in. You found him staring at a cradle.

"There's a body here." He said. That alerted you. Especially when you saw him touch the cradle to open it using his power.

"Nooo Loki don't!" You shouted as the cover of it opened up releasing some kind of gas. Knowing the few things you've read if your guess is correct this is gonna be bad.

You ran to him to grab his arm to pull him away but he didnt move so when you saw the sharp claw like hands coming out the gas you didn't think much and just went in between Loki and the thing.

You gasped in pain as you felt the slicing on your back.

"Good norns! Y/N! You dumb, dumb mortal!" He shouted as he caught you in his arms when your legs gave out. He looked behind you and flicked his hands green mist went to take away the life from the girl from the cradle. You heard its body make noise as it fell down.

Still in Loki's embrace you tried to breathe deep but it ended up just you gasping painfully. The cuts must have been deeper than you thought.

"L-Loki…" you pleaded with him as you felt your breathing start getting shallow and you feel like you're drowning. You must have blood on your lungs by now. You tried to swallow the sobs that tried to get out of your lips and you just stared up at his face. He really have a nice face. It's unfair.

You must have lost your mind because when he caught you staring you smiled up at him which in return got you another frown.

"Stop admiring me. I know I look better than the normal midgard male population. You really must be dumb, why did you jump infront of me. I'm a God I won't be hurt by a mere scratch." He said as he helped you to lay down on the floor as he called out to Nat and Sam on his coms. He turned you on your side to check your injury and you heard him take in a breath.

"Is it bad?" You asked thinking of the worse based on his face.

"Don't get your brain all rilled up, Cookies. It'll be alright." You giggled when you heard him call you on your new nickname.

"S-so I'm cookies to y-you now too." You coughed but still smiling.

"Oh you need to shuush." He said but you can hear the smile in his tone. So your stupidity got you on his goodside.

"How can I s-shuush. This might be my last time to talk. What i-if some parasite is now in me and I'll start walking and biting people." You caughed again as you felt something soothing on your back.

"You need to change what you watch Y/N. That's not healthy anymore." He said, shaking his head. Your back is starting to feel nice now and your head is like it's floating. You giggled again as you touched his face. Even in your groggy brain you felt his emotions. Scared, amused and adoration. Is that all for you? You smiled at him again as your eyes were about to close.

"You should date me Loki." You said. His eyes went wide as he steadied you to pick you up.

"That's the soothing magic talking." He said as he started to walk.

You're about to walk past the table where you put down the files you found when you remember how important they are.

"Wait! Wait! Lemme grab those." You pointed to the tall stocks of folders.

He walked near it and you grabbed them and hugged them on your chest like your life depends on it.

You feel proud of yourself getting them or being carried by Loki. You're not sure which anymore and before he even finds your team you fell asleep.

You woke up in what you guessed as the med bay. You tried to get up and looked around to find no one. You brushed your hair with your hand as you tried to stand but got dizzy. You tried to grip the bed frame for support but you're too slow so you just let yourself fall. You're about to kiss the floor when two strong hands caught you and relief and annoyance flooded your brain.

"You must enjoy being in my arms." He teased as he helped you back on the bed.

"You got nice arms." You joked as you went back on your bed. You took a deep breath and seriously asked him "how did the rest of the mission go?"

"Well, the Widow was able to find some scavengers that tried to loot the structure they came back there before we left and they must have been the ones who triggered Friday's system. The monstrous thing that attacked you is dead officially and we didn't find another of it but we did find a mass grave behind the building." He explained as he sat down on the side of your bed.

You thanked him and relaxed knowing there's no more of that thing around.

"Do you like steak or do you prefer the simple ones?" Loki suddenly asked. You looked at him confused.

"What for?" You asked.

"You have offered me to date you. Have you forgotten?" He said, smirking at you. You felt your cheeks heat up. Crap you did. Mid thinking about tobe a zombie parasite walker time. You looked at him waiting for him to say he's joking but nothing . He just raised one gorgeous eyebrow as he waited.

"You're serious?" You covered your face with one hand as you tried to let what he's saying sink in.

"Very serious, you've felt my darkest emotions I've seen your darkest memories don't you think we're past the getting to know part Sam keep on babbling about?" He said as he slowly touched your elbow with a finger and you felt his sincerity and adoration. Your brain feels like it's about to explode. This majestic person really wants to go out with you. Omg!!!

You slowly nodded and he smiled.

"So stake or not?" He asked again.

"I like steak." You answered back. He smiled and left. Leaving you with so many emotions that you never felt before as your own. Joy, giddiness and something you can't name.

A week after you're out of being stuck on a medical bed you and Loki went to that date. You still can't believe it's happening. He even did all the preparations and stuff. He brought you to a gorgeous restaurant with beautiful music and the tastiest stake you ever had. It was so much fun. He's very funny in his own way. You're both enjoying a walk before going back to the compound when you felt Loki grab your gloved hand. You look up at him.

"What's wrong?" You asked. He just smiled and kissed your hand.

"I'm just very glad I gave myself a chance to know you more and not let what happened to us on our first meeting get to me. You're a very fascinating and beautiful lady Y/N. Thank you for being with me today." He said. You smiled warmly at him as you took off your gloves. You stashed them in the pocket of your coat and brought your hands up to his face but didn't completely touch him.

"May I?" You asked and you saw his face softened. You told him that you will never touch him without his permission.

"Yes…" he answered as he held both your hands and brought them close to his face. He closed his eyes and sighed at the feel of your skin. Feeling that strange feelings again that you can't name you're not sure if it's yours or Loki's emotion. You stepped closer to him and tiptoed to reach his waiting lips. You can't wait to understand that strange feeling but for now you're gonna enjoy how good it feels.

Tag list

Skin to skin: @delightfulheartdream @victias @kaogasm @marvelgirl7 @alexakeyloveloki @newdaynewyearnewlife @multifandomlife22

Tom Hiddleston and Characters: @jewels2876 @jobean12-blog @CurlyRed2020

The ones with stikes, I cant tag you guys i dunno why T.T

[catzula]

》 Kiss it better

a/n: 200 followers guys, thank you so much for that! I feel like I should do something to celebrate, but I have literally no ideas. If you have any suggestions, please tell me!

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x fem!reader

Warnings: Bullying -a lot-, angst, tons and tons of fluff

》Synopsis: You, one of Nekoma’s cheerleaders, made a bet with the captain of the Nekoma Volleyball team, that they’re going to lose to Aoba Jouhsai in the upcoming match. And- you’re failing chemistry.《

"Sensei, please don't do this." You begged. "I really want to go!"

Your teacher's eyes wandered on your pleading face, and she sighed. 

"I don't get any say in this. You're failing chemistry, and if you don't pass this make-up exam, I can't let you go to the match."

You knew her answer was final, so you sighed, trying not to cry. This was supposed to be your first match, and you couldn't even go! "At least let me attend the training? Just so that if a miracle happens, I'll be ready?"

She shrugged. "If you think you can pass the exam and attend training, why not? I don't really care what you do, to be honest, as long as you pass."

Yeah, that's not happening, you thought but held your tongue.

"Oh, come on, don't look so grim. You're a smart girl, I'm sure you'll do it." 

Though it did feel nice having her believe in you, you just couldn't be as positive as she was, but you managed to fake a smile. "Yeah, I'm sure it'll be okay. I still have to go back before I'm too late, though." This was the first time you were going to train in your cheerleading outfit, and you were too excited to see it on yourself.

She sent you a sympathetic look as she ruffled your hair slightly and went her way. You sighed. Chemistry was something you just weren't able to comprehend. Regardless of how much you studied that damn subject, you could swear you just got worse.

You quickly changed into the bright red two-piece outfit, it had black stripes on the sides and a big NEKOMA right on your chest. The black and red skirt was a little too short for your liking, but who were you to complain? You were just happy you even got to wear it.

"You're late." The captain told you as she saw you entering the gym. The rest of the team was already in their places, practicing, but stopped when they too noticed you. 

"I'm sorry, I was with sensei." You apologized with a smile. "What did she say?" She asked, her large, green-blue eyes looking at you curiously. She was the same age as you, though she had a way of making you feel... smaller next to her.

"I- uh..." You looked at the girls that stared back at you with slightly narrowed eyes, making you feel a bit self-conscious. "I- I'm failing chemistry, so I have to take the exam next week. She told me I can't go to the match if I fail."

You thought the topic would be over, but apparently not. "And?" She asked, confusing you with the question. "And?" You repeated.

"Are you going to fail?" She questioned, looking at you like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I hope not." You faked a giggle, feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of the girls, judging you. 

"You should tell us if you're going to fail, you know. So that we can add you to the choreograpyh." 

"O-oh, don't worry." I'm sure I'll do fine." Oh, you were anything but sure, though you figured it was better if you didn't tell her that.

"Good. Then get to your position. You have the choreography memorized, right? Last time you were a bit... sloppy." You tried to ignore one of the girls giggling. "Yeah, I know it all by now."

Finally, she smiled. You weren't sure if the smile was genuine or not, but just seeing her smile made you feel relaxed. "That's really nice, Y/N-chan!" She clapped her hands to gain attention. "Now, let's start before the volleyball team comes." 

Everybody knew that was the opposite of what she actually wanted since her crush on the volleyball team's captain was now more than known, but you chose not to call her out. You knew she wasn't a fan of you already, so it was better to keep your mouth shut, you decided. 

You didn't know why, but the girls seemed to have something against you since they always did their best to exclude you from things, though you tried not to think much about it.

When the captain started to count, you stopped thinking and danced along instead. 

***

"Aah- that was tiring. She's too ruthless sometimes!" A girl from your team exclaimed as she sipped on her water, eyeing the pretty captain. The captain was known to be one of the prettiest girls in school and was frequently asked out by guys, though most were aware she only had eyes for one man. It had been a big surprise to everyone when Kuroo had rejected her, though.

Almost every girl in school had a crush on Kuroo, thinking of him as this cool, cold guy that had rejected even the prettiest girl in school, but in reality, he was just too busy with volleyball and his lessons. To be fair, you wouldn't have known he was a huge dork either if you weren't in the same class with him and had this weird friendship/arch enemy thing going on, either.

You weren't exactly friends with him, though. More like bickering constantly, but also having weird inside jokes. You were close but also...not friends. Maybe that was why the girls didn't like you, since you always argued with the guy they wanted to date. But it wasn't your fault he was too much fun to tease! 

Teasing Kuroo was something you couldn't stop yourself from doing, and you weren't the only one that liked to make fun of the other, since Kuroo always managed to pick a fight with you, too. It wasn't genuine arguments, more like challenges, dares and bets, -you joining the cheering team was a dare you had with Kuroo, too- and because of the constant challenges you had with their captain, the volleyball team loved you, too.

"I think they're coming!" A girl whisper-yelled, causing everyone's eyes to turn to the door. She was right since the loud laughs, footsteps, and jokes were hard to miss as they approached the gym door.

Kuroo was the first to enter, his hair as messy as ever, one of his arms was on Kenma's head, just showing how much longer he was than him. 

You watched as Kenma's eyes averted to the big group of girls watching them, his eyes widening with anxiety as he turned his gaze immediately to the ground, causing his hair to fall in his face and hide him.

"Oh, hey Kuroo-Kun!" The captain exclaimed with a bright smile as she went towards them, hopping like a bunny.

"Hey." He greeted her back, the sleazy smile on his face causing your heartbeat to double, even though you didn't want to admit. "I thought you said you were going to be done with training by four." You knew Kuroo didn't mean it negatively, though the captain looked like she was panicking, looking around frantically to find a good excuse. 

"Ah, w-we have a newbie, you see. We kinda had to move slower for her to catch up." She finally answered as her eyes found yours, though instantly turned back to Kuroo's cat-like ones. 

You grimaced at the sudden attack, trying to stop yourself before you blurted out that she was lying. You understood why she would do so, but you hated it when people used you in their lies. "Oh, a newcomer," Kuroo muttered, his eyes wandering in the room lazily, as he tried to find your figure. Of course, Kuroo knew you were new in the team, he was the one who challenged you in the first place, but the cheerleading team didn't know that, and neither of you had the intention to tell them.

"She just came, so she's still pretty slow." The captain continued with a small giggle, her words making your heart sink. It was true, you were new, but you had been practicing the last few weeks, and you had almost caught up with the rest, so it wasn't fair of her to say so.

Though Kuroo seemed to pay her no mind, instead, he walked towards you with a grin on his face. "New meat!" He joked -it was really bad, though you managed to force a laugh out- and the captain followed him, now both standing next to you and watching your every move like animals watching its prey.

Kuroo seemed like he wanted to chat with you, though before he could do so, the captain sighed. "Though we're not sure if she's even going to be able to come to the match."

Your eyes narrowed, but you chose to stay silent.

"Why is that?" Kuroo asked, confusion evident on his face with the sudden and unwanted information. "Oh, she's failing chemistry, so sensei didn't let her come to the match."

"If I fail the exam, I won't be able to come." You added when she talked about it like you had already failed. "Oh, yeah! That's what I said." She told you with an innocent smile. 

You would have said something, but before you could do so, you heard the familiar sound of a volleyball hitting the ground. The captain's eyes gazed at Lev, who had just done a spike and was screaming victoriously. "Guess that means our time is over." She giggled like what she said was funny. 

"The practice is over girls, go get some rest!" She ignored the grunts of relief coming from your team and turned back to Kuroo. "You know, it was nice seeing you. Don't you think we should do this more often?"

You really didn't want to hear them flirting, so you went to change your clothes without saying anything to them.

***

You were the last one to finish changing and stepped out of the room as you tried to detangle your headphones. You were so concentrated on doing so, that you didn't even see the boy leaning to the wall, watching you. 

"Hey," he muttered, making you shriek in surprise. The way your widened eyes looked at him, he couldn't help but giggle. 

"What the fuck, Kuroo!" You exclaimed, trying to get the shock wash away as you breathed deeply. "Hey, I'm the 6'2 (187 cm for people like me hehe) one here, how should I know you're dumb enough not to see me?"

"How should I know you would creep up on me like that?" You shot back, and although you knew it was kind of your fault, you weren't going to admit that to him. 

He looked at you with a fake I'm offended look. "First of all, I didn't creep up on you." 

"Then what are you doing here?" You asked, though your voice was a little softer this time. He hadn't actually waited for you, did he? No, he wouldn't do that, unless...unless he wanted to tease you about the chemistry thing. 

You sighed as you finally understood why he was here, looking at you with that lazy smile and taking your breath away in the process. "Ah, look if you're here about me failing chemistry, please shut it." You told him as you rolled your eyes. "The captain already had a lot to say about it." You murmured, your words not really intended for him to hear.

"Well," his hand went to the back of his neck, blush dusting his cheeks ever so slightly, his odd hair falling to his face, making you wonder what would it feel like if you were to run your finger through them. Would it be soft? Spiky? Or maybe- 

"I was actually going to tell you I could... uh... help you with that, ya know." The lazy smile now resembling a little boy's grin, you would have thought he was embarrassed if you didn't know better.

Your narrowed eyes found his, trying to understand the motive behind his words. " What do you mean, help me with that?"

He giggled at your question. He had an expression on his face, one you were so used to see, though couldn't yet understand what it meant. It kind of looked like he wanted to ruffle your hair and pinch your cheeks, but not quite. "Help you with chemistry, how else?"

You bit your lip, trying to find out what he was up to. "And what are you getting out of it?" You finally asked as you gave up trying to understand him. 

"I’m a good person too, you know." He told you with a huff, he still had his teasing manner, though. "Can’t I be doing this out of my goodness?" If it were anyone else saying this, you might have believed them, but not with Kuroo. Sure, you joked around and teased each other, but your whole friendship -if you could call it that- was based on challenges, bets, deception, and who would trick who.

"No way I'll believe that. I'm not dumb, you know." You murmured the last bit since it kind of bothered you since it seemed like everybody thought so.

"Though you're failing chem, arent you?" He teased, causing you to send him a glare. "I-"

You were ready and steady to fight with him over that comment, but he only giggled and put his hand on your shoulder as if he was trying to steady or calm you. His hand was unconventionally warm, fingers calloused and hard, though it didn't bother you the slightest bit. It was rather scary how much you enjoyed his touch.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." He told you, laughing as he shook his head side to side. "You're too easy to rile up, ya know? I'm offering to help since it's me who challenged you to join the cheering team, so you might kind of say it's my fault at this point."

When you kept looking at him, he furrowed his brows. "I'm telling you I'm just feeling guilty! It's nothing too complicated." He looked rather hurt at how suspicious you looked.

"And?" You pressed on, knowing too damn well it wasn't only his conscious that led him to reach a helping hand at you. There had to be something else. 

He sighed finally, obviously giving up. "And- I kinda wanna see you cheering for me." He grinned. "Call it 'satisfacting my ego'." He only grinned wider when you shot him a disgusted look.

"I knew there was something else." You just muttered. 

"Eh," He shrugged. "I'm gonna need every boost I can have if I'm going to play against Oikawa." He said it so casually, you couldn't perceive what he said for a second or so.

"You're- you're playing against Aoba Jousai?" You blurted out, mouth agape. You hadn't even realized till now that you didn't even know who they were playing against. Clearly, he was thinking the same thing.

"You didn’t even know? And you're supposed to be our cheerleader." He clicked his mouth in a disapproving manner and shook his head side to side. 

You ignored his remark. "There is no way you can win against him, you know." 

He snickered at your blunt response. "I see you've become especially good at cheering and motivating." 

You grinned. "Shoot me for telling the truth. It's Oikawa we're talking about."

"And? What about him?"

"He's one of the hottest and most talented men around, and you know it." You told him as you watched his grin fade to annoyance. "He's not hot!"

"No need to get all jealous, Kuroo." You giggled when he grimaced. "Me? Jealous of that- that... guy?!"

You shrugged just to piss him off. 

"Well then, what will you do when we beat your oh-so-great Oikawa?" His playful grin was back, now wider than ever, and it pissed you off, how good he looked.

"Is that a bet?"

"Of course it is." He answered, like it was only normal.

"I'm not betting against my own team!" You exclaimed, feeling your cheeks heating up a bit. How did teasing him come to this, anyway?!

"What will you do?" He pressed on, and you were aware he wouldn't let it go until you bet with him, so you sighed as if you accepted defeat. "What do you want me to do?"

"Hmm," He tapped his chin as he considered the choices (he had been trying to make this bet with you for a week and had been planning how to get you to agree to it, it was surprisingly easy, though, since he was a mastermind at planning and stuff, even though he didn't show it much). His honey-colored eyes glistened when he decided what he wanted you to do. "You're gonna wear those cat ears for a week." 

By those cat ears, he meant the ones that were a part of the cheering costume but were excluded since they were too hard to dance with. The first time you tried them on, Kuroo had laughed ten minutes straight and would've taken a photo if you hadn't ripped them off your head and threw them right in the middle of his face. 

"Oh, it’s on." You shot back without thinking much about it. "Only if you wear them a week if you lose against them, too, though." You added with a smile that warmed his heart.

"Deal." He grinned.

 You had no idea that he had been planning this for a long time, so what seemed like an innocent, fair bet was actually almost guaranteed you to lose. The penalty was the first thing he had thought about the bet, the rest came later to him, so he was literally planning how to get you to wear those cat ears for... a month. Not that you needed to know about that, though.

"Deal." You smiled.

***

You watched as Kuroo jumped, so high, that it made you wonder if he could secretly fly. His hand up in the air, coming down so fast to spike the ball. A grin was on his face, knowing damn well what you were probably thinking, as you watched him.

He smacked the ball with so much force, you gasped. You always knew he was strong, and he was fast -he was the Nekoma team captain, after all- but you never knew he was... this good.

When he landed back on his feet, looking at your flustered face was the first thing he did. Your mouth still slightly agape as you watched the ball that was now on the other side of the court, Kuroo thought it was one of the cutest things he saw.

"So," he asked with a cocky grin, "Still think Oikawa is better than me?"

You stood silent for a few seconds and then looked at his golden eyes. "Are you kidding me?!" You exclaimed, and just when he thought he was finally going to see you admitting he was, in fact, better than that Oikawa guy, you chuckled. "Oikawa could murder you, Kuroo. Don't get too full of yourself."

"What?" He asked in a rather cold voice that sent chills down your spine, though knowing it was just Kuroo, you ignored the threatening tone. "Don't try to intimidate me with that look, you asked the question, so you should be prepared for the answer, too."

"Did you- did you not see my spike just then? It was amazing!" You shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, knowing he was fuming inside. He was going to keep on arguing, if it wasn't for Lev, who was cheerfully calling out for you. 

''Y/N-san, could you throw me some balls, too?" He told you when he came next to you in two long strides. 

"Sure-" You answered, but Kuroo interrupted. "No."

It was the threatening, cold voice he used that always managed to frighten Lev, just a little bit. "But Kuroo-san! She's been throwing you balls the last hour!" He whined, making you giggle. "He's right, you know. It's only fair if I help him, too." You told Kuroo, desperately trying not to laugh when you saw him pouting. 

"No! He can work with Kenma, I'm the one that's helping you with chemistry, aren't? So you should help me with this." He told you, his hand pulling you away from Lev and closer to himself. 

"You're the one who suggested helping me! And you forced me to throw you balls, too." 

You shook your head side to side when Kuroo ignored you. "Lev, you either go practice spikes with Kenma right now, or you're running laps the rest of the practice."

You saw Lev's eyes widening as he hurriedly walked towards Kenma, though muttering to himself, "This is no fair. He gets to practice with the pretty girl!"

Kuroo took another ball from the basket and gave it to you, though he was still pouting. "I can't believe you were really going to choose him over me. You should be happy you're getting to practice with me. But no, it's always someone else, isn't it?" He mumbled under his breath as you bit your lips to try and not laugh. You knew he was only joking, he always was.

You sent the ball to the air, just a bit over his head as he jumped and hit the ball, harder than the last time, and with the sound of his hand hitting the ball, you also heard a pained grunt coming from him. 

He sat on the floor, clutching his hand to his chest, and you felt your heart beating rapidly in your chest at the sight. "K-Kuroo, what happened? Are you okay? We should go to the infirmary!" 

You tried to get him to stand on his feet, but he shook his head side to side, rather pulling you to sit down next to him. "I'm okay," he told you with a small smile. "It came straight down on my finger, so it hurts a little, but it happens more than you would believe. I should just bandage it, putting some ice on it would help, too."

Hearing it wasn't a big deal did have its effect on your crazy heartbeat, slowing it a bit, but you were still worried more than you would like to accept. You stood up, quickly gathering some bandages and ice, and walked back to him. 

As you took his hand and analyzed the finger, you noticed it was only a bit red and that he was right, it wasn't a big deal, but you were still mad at him. "What the fuck, Kuroo?!" You muttered angrily as you pressed the ice on his hand, he hissed with the sudden contact. 

"I didn't do it on purpose!" He shot back. 

"You have to be more careful! What if something else had happened? What if it wasn't just okay with ice and bandages?! The school and your team need you, you know they do!"

You sighed when he stayed silent. "I thought you wanted to beat Oikawa, and you can't do it injured. You want to wear those cat ears, I presume?" You joked, and he smiled. 

"So you think I can beat him if I'm not injured, huh? I think it's you who wants to wear the cat ears."

You noticed your mistake, your cheeks burning slightly, but chose not to answer him since you knew he would just tease you further if you did. "Here you go, it's all better." You told him when you were done with bandaging.

"Aren't you gonna kiss it better?" He asked with a teasing grin, and you rolled your eyes. "In your dreams, you big baby."

"But it still hurts, Y/N! It can't get better if you don't kiss it! The team needs me, you said it yourself!"

"Kuroo," you groaned, but he just pointed at his cheek. "Come on, no need to be shy." That jerk and his stupidly good looking grin. You weren't really sure why, but you leaned in, your face getting closer to his cheek. You only noticed what you were actually doing when you were so close to him that you could smell the light scent of smell mixed with his natural, woody scent.

"You stink." You lied.

"But you were about to kiss it better!" He whined as you stood up, and internally screamed at yourself for actually considering kissing him. "Shut up, I'm tired. Just text me when you're done with the practice." You told him as you walked to the exit, you needed the fresh breath of air.

***

"I deem you beyond hope. These are the basics of chemistry. How -the fuck- are you so bad at them?" 

"I don't know!" You groaned for the millionth time. "I just can't do it, okay?" He rolled his eyes when you pouted. Maybe you were acting a tad too childish, but no one liked to be reminded of how dumb they were, especially not from a guy as hot as him.

"Okay, okay." He finally said when you kept pouting. "Let's take a break." He didn't miss your cute smile when you heard the word 'break'. 

"How are you so bad at it, anyway? You're not as bad in the other subjects..." He then realized he had no idea how your other subjects were. "Right?" He asked, this time a little less confident. 

"No." You told him with a glare. "It's something between me and chemistry, we just don't get along." You sighed, and without thinking much about it, you added, "chem is a mystery to me." Not expecting his eyes to widen and gasp at your small word game, you quirked your brow. "What?"

"Did you- did you just do a joke?!" He looked so genuinely shocked, you pouted.

"I am capable of joking!" You answered his accusation, noticing his grin. "Huh," he mumbled, "Since you never laugh at mine, I thought you just didn't understand them."

"I'll strangle you, Kuroo." You answered though you were smiling. "You were about to kiss me an hour ago, what's with the attitude?" He teased, and he thought it was the best thing, how horrified you looked at the accusation.

"I- I didn't- I wasn't going to-" As you choked on your words, he was having the time of his life. You faked a cough to try and hide how flustered you were, a pathetic attempt, really. 

"Huh? You weren't going to kiss me? Is that what you're saying? Are you a liar, too, Y/N-chan?" 

"Kuroo, shut the fuck up." You mumbled when you finally found it in yourself to form words. "How rude, princess." He giggled, dropping the topic and not even realizing the effect the pet name had on you. 

"Don't call me that, jackass." You tried to be as rude as you could to hide the soft part of you showing, but he noticed, he always did. 

"What, princess?"

When you didn't answer him, he grinned and leaned a little closer to you. "Is it making you excited, princess?"

"No way!" You blurted out. "Why should I get excited over you? It's just- weird." You answered, and he didn't press it on, though you could still feel his mocking eyes on you, grinning like the Cheshire cat. 

***

"Hey!" You called out when you saw one small and one abnormally tall silhouette. "Kenma, Lev, could you guys help me out a bit?" You had two large boxes on your hands, hiding your face from them, but they instantly knew who you were. 

"What are you doing?" Lev asked as he took the larger box from you, Kenma was holding one of the small boxes you had left behind to get on a second trip. 

"Oh, it's the cheerleading equipment, they asked me if I could take them."

"All of them?" Kenma asked, a brow quirking questioningly. "Yeah, you know, being new and stuff I guess." You told with a little giggle.

"Yeah, no." Kenma told you with a monotone voice. "It's not being new and stuff, and don't think we missed how they're acting towards you." He looked at Lev. "Even he noticed it."

"Hey, what does that mean?!"

"They're not the kindest people around, that I admit." You answered. "But it's not unbearable, so..." You sent him a cheeky grin.

Kenma shrugged. "Whatever you say, just know what they're doing is not normal, and it's probably just gonna get worse."

You knew he was right, but the topic made you uncomfortable, so you just shrugged.

***

Hanging out with Kuroo was fun, you had to admit. Even though you were just studying, it was too much fun.

"How are you feeling? Are you stressed? Do you think you're ready? Do you think you'll pass? Oh my god, why am I so stressed?!" Kuroo blabbered on as he shook you by your shoulders with every word. "I'm okay, Kuroo. I'm feeling pretty good, actually, I think I'm ready."

He looked at you with worried eyes, though they looked a bit more relieved than they were just then. 

"Okay, then. Go break a leg? Is that what you're supposed to say in situations like this?" Oh, shoot. Did he have to look so damn cute, worrying over you?

You chuckled as you shrugged, ignoring the warm feeling spreading through your body. "I'm not sure. You knew you didn't have to come all the way here, though, right?" He had insisted that he was going to drop you to the exam, and wait until you came back. He said he might even buy you a slice of cheesecake after if it went well, and who were you to say no?

"I wanted to come." He looked at his phone screen to check the hour. "Okay, you have to go now, but I'll be right here." 

You weren't sure why, but that sentence filled you with a confidence you never knew you had. You felt like... you felt like if he was right here, supporting you, you could even overcome your greatest enemy, chemistry. 

"Y-yeah, okay." You mumbled, turning around to go to school, but stopped when he suddenly shouted, "Wait!" You turned around, worried there was something you forgot -there was always something you forgot- but your worries died when you saw him grinning. 

"Aren't you gonna ask for a good lucks kiss?"

"Oh my god, Kuroo." You rolled your eyes, once again turning to go, but this time he didn't let you walk away, not without a hug. "Well then, here's a good luck hug instead." As you felt his long arms around your body, you froze in your place, forgetting to even breathe.

He was warm, not a disturbing warm, though, the kind that caused you to smile, that made you feel safe, that made you think if he kept his arms around you, nothing bad could happen. So instead of pulling back, you wrapped your arms around him too, closing your eyes with the feeling and not even realizing that you were nuzzling your face in his neck. 

You didn't notice the relieved smile that was on his face when you hugged him back, since he was half-sure you were going to push him away, he closed his eyes too and wrapped you even tighter, trying to etch this feeling in his mind so he could remember forever.

You could feel his face touching your hair, your bodies pressed together, you wondered if he could hear how hard your heart was beating. When he pulled back after a while, you felt a bit disappointed that it ended but hid that expression nonetheless. Now you couldn't stop thinking just how good he smelled and felt. 

"Uh, thanks for that, I guess." You told him with an awkward giggle. "Sure thing, all you gotta do is ask, princess." He told you with a wink, causing you to roll your eyes and walk away.

***

Kuroo was a man of his word, so he waited two hours on exactly where you both had hugged each other. 

When he realized he could still feel your lingering scent when the wind blew slightly and smiled, Kuroo knew he was in deep. He had never meant for it to go this way, he liked this weird thing you both had, constant teasing and challenging each other. He had no idea when he had caught feelings, but Kuroo wasn't a simple man, he knew that when he had feelings towards someone, it was too damn hard for him to let go.

He couldn't stop thinking about the hug that had passed just then, how you felt between his arms, how amazing you smelled, how good of a fit you two were. 

So when he saw you exiting the school, he couldn't (didn't) suppress the smile that was forming on his face, and it only grew wider when you smiled back.

"How was it?" He asked when you came towards him. "It was gre-" Before you could finish your sentence, you found yourself pulled into a tight hug once again, though this time you didn't fight it one second.

"That's very nice to hear." He muttered into your hair, and you giggled. "I remember a promise about a cheesecake." You told him with a cheeky smile when his arms let go of your figure, that looked tiny next to him. 

"Huh, cheesecake? Nope, can't think of anything related to that." 

"Kuroo!" You whined.

"What? I don't even like cheesecake! How could I have known your exam was going to be okay when you suck this bad at chemistry?" He protested.

He still took you to eat cheesecake, and not only one slice, but as much as you'd liked.

"So, you're gonna cheer for me, huh?" He told you as he watched you chew on the giant piece of cake you had just gotten in your mouth. You could swear he was only asking questions when you were chewing, cause it was a little too often his questions had caught you munching on food, at this point.

You glared at him as he shot you an innocent look, he grinned like a mad man the whole time you tried to swallow your bite. "I don't know, I haven't decided yet." You finally answered.

"You can't tell me you're going to cheer for that Oikawa guy." He huffed, though you knew he was damn serious at his question. "No, I'm going to cheer for Lev." You shot back, and he groaned.

"You're forgetting that I'm paying for all these." He grinned, causing you to choke on the bite you just took. He laughed and passed you the water, watching you drink it down. 

"Yeah, you're right." You told him with a cheeky grin.

***

"Oh, shit, I'm so fucking stressed, I'm going to die." Yaku mumbled. "You don't have to be stressed, Yaku-san! You practiced so much, I know you're going to win!" Your captain cheered excitedly. (you forgot about her, didn't you, haha)

Huh, you thought. Maybe Kuroo was right about you sucking at giving motivation.

"Thanks." Yaku mumbled with an awkward smile, trying to escape from her overly cheerful manner.

"Kuroo-san, how are you feeling?" She asked as she walked towards him, making the girls in your team giggle with anticipation. "I'm okay, thanks." He mumbled, his eyes searching through the crowd, stopping when they found you. Without even noticing that the cheerleader captain was talking to him, he walked towards you with a mocking grin on his face. 

"I need to get my good luck kiss before I go on the court, you know. And this time, I'm not settling for a hug." It might have been something you could laugh at, if you weren't in public and both of your teams weren't looking at you, mouths agape, eyes widened with shock.

You could hear Kenma face-palming himself.

"Sh-shut it, Kuroo! It's not the time for teasing." You told him, feeling your cheeks heating up.

"Come on, just one kiss." He continued as he leaned in, caging you and leaving you breathless. You knew he was joking, but no one else did, and sometimes, you weren't so sure either, especially when he looked at you like that.

So you did the best thing you could. 

You ran away. 

Not bothering to look back or answer his questions, you ran until you couldn't see him. You had no idea how you were going to explain this to your team, especially to the captain. She didn't like you already, and this was probably just going to make everything worse. 

So you stayed there until you heard Nekoma being called out on the court, leaving the room half-heartedly, scared of what you were going to face.

You could feel the lingering eyes on you, hear the whispers following you, and you did your best to ignore them, but you knew you could break down crying any second now. When you saw the captain glaring at you, you bit your lip, trying to focus on the dance. 

You could feel the boys looking at you to see if you were okay or not, trying to get you to look at them too, but you refused to do so since you were a little scared of what you would see. 

Though the whispers and glares toned down and died when the game started since the game took all your attention. You watched as Kenma passed the ball to Lev, he jumped so high and hit the ball so hard, you gasped. The ball passed between Aoba Jouhsai and Nekoma, neither of them looking like they were going to accept losing. 

You could see everyone giving their bests, even Kenma looked fired about the game, Lev blocking the ball like his life depended on it, Oikawa using tricks and strategies that just amazed you.

The game was breathtaking, every touch on the ball had you gasping, making you sit on the edge of your seat, turning your knuckles white. 

The only times you could hear the whispers running after you were the times there were breaks, and the cheerleading team was dancing on the court. 

Wasn't this supposed to be fun? It felt like torture, instead. You could feel your teammates nudging you with an elbow every once and then, causing you to lose your balance, snickering when you stumbled. At this point, you were just counting minutes till the game ended. 

Kuroo must've noticed something was wrong since, at one point, he started to wave at you until you saw him, and when you looked at him, he sent you a thumbs up as if he was trying to ask if you were okay, not noticing he was the problem. 

You just plastered a smile on your face and nodded your head, trying to make him go back to the game. He sent you a cheeky grin in response, now more determined to win more than ever. 

The game went on, and it was finally the third and the last set. To give the team more of a boost, the cheerleading was going on on the side of the court. 

You would've enjoyed this, you really would, if it weren't for the now rougher pushes you've been getting from the other girls. It was starting to hurt, you had to admit, and not only physically, too. No one liked being laughed at, especially when they had no one to help them get through this, and you were feeling more alone then you have ever felt before. 

Though all your thoughts disappeared when you saw Kuroo jumping with all his might and hitting the ball Kenma had just sent him. The ball went straight down, without anyone on the other side of the net being able to receive it. 

He had scored the match point. They won, you realized.

Your eyes wide, hands up in the air, shaking the black and red pompoms in your hand as you cheered with the rest of your team, beaming with happiness.

You suddenly noticed the cat-like eyes on you, and your eyes found him too. He was grinning widely, everyone around him screaming with victory, and it somehow felt like the time had stopped as you looked at each other. His arms were wide open as if he was inviting you for a hug, his lips were moving like he was trying to tell you something, and you focused your gaze on is lips, narrowing your eyes and leaning a bit closer-

You felt a sharp pain on the side of your body, leaving you breathless for a second or more, making your eyes water, and because you were leaning forward and your focus was fully somewhere else, you couldn't find your balance, falling forward. 

You would've fallen right on your face if you hadn't put your hand on the ground in instinct, but now it was your hand and your ankle which had twisted badly when you fell, that had taken the blow. You looked up, just to find one of the girls looking at you with an uninterested pout, though you weren't sure who it was that had pushed you. 

You could feel your eyes stinging with tears unshed, your ankle and wrist throbbing with pain, and it wasn't even the pain that caused you to tear up. You felt so self-conscious, falling in front of all these people, in front of him, you wanted to run away. 

Trying to stand up, you gasped as you felt the pain in your ankle, just making the stinging in your eyes and the lump in your throat worse. You knew you would've fallen once again if it wasn't for the sudden support under your arms.

You couldn't recognize him for a second with the cold, almost scary look he had on his face, his eyes looking threateningly sharp as he helped you stand on your legs, walking you out of the gym. 

Neither of you talked until you were finally alone in a room, and he had sat you on the bench. He sat right next to you, and the silence was unbearable, but you knew the second you attempted to talk, you would break down crying. 

He somehow seemed to know that, so instead of trying to make you talk, you felt his hands wrapping you in a tight hug, and that was when you lost control over your emotions. You couldn't help the tears running down your face, wetting your cheeks, the sobs shaking your body between his arms, your arms hugging him even tighter as you replayed everything in your mind. 

"I'm sorry," you managed to mumble between your sobs, "I'm so sorry, Kuroo." You didn't know why exactly you were apologizing, maybe it was because he had to be here with you instead of celebrating his victory, or maybe something else. 

You stopped apologizing when you felt his hand touching your hair so softly, you almost couldn't feel it. "Shh," he whispered, "it's okay, no need to be sorry."

You nodded, you weren't even sure how long you stayed in that position, but you had already stopped crying when he talked again. "Are you feeling better now?"

You nodded, not even trying to pull back since it felt too good to be between his arms. His hand was still caressing your hair, though it was a little different this time since you felt something sliding between your hair, something that suspiciously felt like a headband with a pair of cat ears.

You tried to suppress your smile, but couldn't, so you just giggled. "You asshole." You mumbled and felt the laughter bubbling in his chest.

"I love you too, princess."

Epilogue:

You were sitting on the couch as Kuroo gathered the snacks. It was movie night, though as you surfed through the channels, you found something even more interesting. 

"Baby, come quick! It's live from Oikawa's game." You told him as you watched the game a little too closely, Kuroo noticed. As an attempt to keep his girl, Kuroo sat right next to you on the couch, an arm wrapped around your shoulders. You could feel him pulling you closer and closer to himself every time you gasped or cheered for Oikawa until you were almost on top of him.

"Tetsu, are you jealous?" You finally asked, desperately trying to hold yourself from laughing at his pouting face. 

"Jealous? Why would I be jealous?" You were going to say something, but he answered his own question. "Because my girlfriend is far more interested in a guy on tv than her boyfriend that's sitting right next to him?"

"I'm not interested in him!" You protested, trying to ignore the amazing spike Oikawa just did, but he noticed it. Pouting and looking away -though not attempting to get away from you whatsoever- he looked like a little boy. 

"Ah, come on, you know you'll always be my number one." You told him with a giggle, and you knew when you pecked his cheek with a light kiss, he couldn’t stay mad at you. 

"You know, you really hurt my feelings there." He muttered though he was grinning as he leaned his face closer to yours. 

"Did I?" You asked with an equally cheeky grin, and he nodded, now even closer that you could feel the heat radiating from him. 

"I kinda need you to kiss it better." 

Kiss it better, you did.

[atsunflower]

Rated: SFW

Author notes: *sigh* for the third time the damned app ate up the tags. This one took me too long and I'm excited for write about my man suna again. This is also pretty different from what I'm used to write, but why not? Please enjoy your reading.

Warnings: cursing, substance usage/mentions, break-ups and me trynna be funny.

I – Cancel me.

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He looked at them with expectation as the beats smoothly faded, indicating the song's ending. 

If he were to be honest, the pair before him was a pain in the ass, but their opinion was that important because, when it came to music, they were the best at it. He felt no shame nor jealousy in admitting it.

"Dunno, the hook sounds like a Vice headline ta me." The bleach-haired male said, hearring the song's outro blaring through the studio speakers.

"Isn't it a Kid Milli reference, tho?" The other asked while munching a chip. He frowned at them, not understanding their point.

"Whatever. You two are no help anyways." Hearring their bullshit, the brunette already regretted this collab. He paused the queued song, turning to the other two with a blank stare.

The twins before him snickered, knowing they successfully hit a nerve. They couldn't help it, provoking Suna was one of their favorite hobbies.

"The song is good, but I gotta tell ya this butt hurt phase of yers is pretty lame." The faux-blond opened his mouth again, spinning around the studio with the desk chair. 

"Fuck you, Atsumu" He snapped, almost giving in to the desire of decking them both on the face.

"Tsumu's right, ya Lil Peep wannabe. Can't believe this break up ended up that bad." Osamu said in mockery, throwing the empty Lay's wrapper at him. He scoffed, disposing the wrapper on the bin before getting back at the screen to look at the FL studio interface.

"It's not that I have a broken heart. I just wanna know what's wrong with my life" He shrugged, blindly tacting over the desk in search of his Juul.

"Yeah Samu, he's just grieving over those fancy ass Dior Jordans. Sunarin is incapable of mundane things like a broken heart." His blond friend was partially right.

Suna Rintaro was many things: alt model, music producer, cloud artist and a decent volleyball player that almost went pro. But if there was something he could never be, it was a lucky man on love matters.

With his fair share of failed relationships, the artist could never pinpoint when things went wrong. It would always be the same: he would meet a girl, they would have a good time and then, the chick would turn out demanding as fuck.

In the end, every single one of them would slap him across the face and leave his life banging the front door shut like crazy — last week, it was Mika who broke things off, but not before setting his limited edition pair of jordans on fire. He would never get over those sneakers.

"Good for him, those kicks were kinda ugly." Osamu said in a bored manner. Suna felt his soul leaving his body.

"The hell, Osamu?" He was ready to fight, deeply offended by the attack at his taste in fashion.

"Yo, you two." Atsumu butted in, checking something on his phone "Y'all are drifting away from our problem."

"That is?" The other brother asked.

"Cheer up Sunarin before he fucks up with the Album." If Suna had the energy, he would kick both Miyas out of his studio "And I gotta the perfect thing. Let's hang out at Akagi's tonight, he just invited us." The already distressed musician felt the soul leaving his body for the second time that afternoon. He was sure both twins wished his death.

"Not a fucking chance. Last time I went there I almost died because of that weird stuff we smoked." 

"Aw, Sunarin, Kita'll be there too." The faux-blonde tried to persuade. The mention of their older, responsible and straight edge friend made Suna look at them with interest. But he needed more, though. Based on the last experience, he didn't have the will to risk his life going to Akagi's house once again. A shiver descended his spine as the male recalled how much he threw up that night.

"Suna, man, I gotta agree with Tsumu. Yer feelings are showing in your music." Osamu said as if he was some kind of genius.

"Isn't art about it, tho?" He deadpanned "Expressing feelings and shit?" He asked, staring them dead in the eye. The males before him shivered because of its intensity. Suna snickered.

"Man says art, but most of his songs are about the Nikes on his feet and the Tesla in his garage." Atsumu mocked "What the fuck?" The blonde barely dodged the moleskine thrown at him.

"Don't chew on me when you do the same, asshat. This is called character development." As unnerving the twins were, he felt a whole lot better in their company "Just lemme produce my sad stuff in peace."

"Cut us some slack, ya dumbfuck. We're just worried about ya." Osamu protested " 'Sides, no wonder no girl sticks by yer side. You know what the chicks find sexy? Seizing the means of production, not yer dumb car."

"You two are so la—" The musician was interrupted mid sentence, startled by the blond figure clutching his phone with enthusiasm.

"Oi Samu," Atsumu's loud voice startled the other two, as he excitedly fisted the air.

"What the fuck?" Suna asked, dropping the Juul on the floor.

"She'll be there tonight." The blond said, looking at his brother with a new wave of joy.

"The fuck? She who?" The brunette frowned.

"Ya gotta go and find out, man." The gray haired twin said with a knowing smile, matching his brother's excitement.

The night out felt somewhat draining. The booze, the music and the company were great, but his lack of energy was a mood killer.

Cheer me up my ass, Suna cursed internally as he observed everyone getting wasted all over the place. He grimaced at the sight, realizing the meeting with the twins was enough social interaction for the day.

He didn't know what's gotten into him. The male knew it wasn't necessarily caused by the break up, but he couldn't help the feeling down.

Right now, life just felt lowkey suffocating. 

Being a public figure meant being under the spotlights the most of time.

People talked.

People assumed.

Media was all over him, ready to catch a scandall.

And of fucking course his name was on gossip headlines. It even occupied a spot on twitter trending topics for a day or so.

"Fuck me." He said before the lukewarm beer went down his throat.

"Sunarin!" He heard Atsumu shouting from his right "I want you to meet someone!" And only now he noticed the blond had his left arm over a girl's shoulders.

Oh, that's the one they were talking about, maybe? the brunette realized. What's the hype, tho? He asked himself, eyeing your figure.

"[Name], this is Suna. Sunarin, this is [Name], best girl ever and the mastermind behind the visuals of mine and Samu's last album" The bleach-haired male said with a proud smirk, ruffling your hair. You were obviously shy.

How cute, the brunette thought.

"Dumbass, don't embarrass me in front of others!" You nudged the Miya with your elbow "Nice to meet you, I saw your name on TMZ last week—" You said beaming and he grunted.

I take it back. Not cute at all, the man internally screamed, not ready to talk about the recent events. He didn't even want to listen to the rest of your speech, your cheery voice went through his ears in a white noise.

"And this makes me really excited for your album. The interview about the collab with dumb and dumber was lit." You continued, the words were genuine and you seemed really interested "And I also relate on a spiritual level because I know working with them is hell."

Oh, she's talking about the album. He realized in relief.

"Yo, I heard good things about you too. The design of their album was hella sick, even though they two suck ass." Suna snickered when he heard Atsumu protesting. You only left out a giggle, joining him on the teasing.

The blond kept ranting about how bad of friends the two of you were.

"I didn't introduce y'all ta gang up on me. Bye, I'm finding another company. Ya two suck." The blonde Miya said, leaving only you and Suna in the sofa area.

"Uh, so…" He drifted off, trying to start some small talk

"Yeah..." You both giggled at the awkwardness "Not enjoying the night?"

"Too much happening right now. Lots of people talking shit 'bout me." He sipped the beer, grimacing at the stale taste of the drink "Hope they cancel me already. So all this shit dies down." Suna looked away, suddenly shy for opening up to a stranger.

"You're a famous guy and the break-up wasn't that scandalous. It'll be over eventually, just beware the sneaker cult." Your amusement was comfort enough. You didn't make intrusive questions about the events and merely joked it off. He felt so worn out by the situation but, at least, your presence wasn't overbearring.

"How is it everyone knows about the jordans?" You shrugged it off, laughing at the distressed face he mocked. Sighing in relief, Suna couldn't deny how refreshing your presence was. Not to be a jerk, but usually, the girls either were all over him or judged every single move he made. You were just that easygoing.

"Well, I don't think you came here to sulk on the sofa all night long. Why don't we join them by the pool and down some shots?" You hopped off of your seat, pointing to the glass doors. All the boys were waving at you two and suddenly, Suna felt a wave of joy run down his body.

Atsumu was right. Best girl ever.

At some point of the night, everything became about you.

All he could hear was the sound of your voice and all the time, his eyes were drawn to your figure. He couldn't figure out a reason for it, but the rapper wasn't complaining either.

A sharp pang at the side of Suna's head broke the trance he was in. Osamu had a shit eating grin on his face, eyeing the ravenette with amusement.

"We told ya so." The younger twin mused whilst he handed a long neck of vodka to the other.

"Stop. This is dumb."

"Yer dumb. But you ain't that dumb ta dare ta mess with her." The gray-haired Miya squinted at him, menacingly pointing the bottle in his hand at the brunette. The latter shrugged it off, opening his drink.

"Nah, I'm good." And he meant it.

But how could he explain the situation he was in?

Lips and hands wandered over the expanse of his skin. Everything was too hot and too good at the same time. Overwhelming, even.

He wanted more, more and more. There wasn't enough of you.

And if it wasn't unfair enough, his body felt lethargic. He was desperate, but couldn't keep up with the rhythm you imposed. Be it the alcohol or the stress, his body gave up and blacked out, even before you could undress each other.

In the morning after, a pounding headache woke him up. Suna didn't dare to open his eyes, but the morning breath fanning over his face was unbearable.

"I can't believe a cutie like you have a stinky breath like this." The complaint came out in a raspy voice, accompanied by an annoyed grunt.

Someone snickered on the other side of the room.

"Man, I didn't know you had the hots fer Samu." Atsumu was somewhere across the room, laughing at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hearing the other, Suna's body jolted, dizziness made his head spin in the process. He felt sick in the stomach and the morning light made his eyes sting. "When did I get back here?" The male looked around, realizing he was sprawled over Akagi's floor, right beside Osamu, who didn't even squirm at the loud voices in the room.

"What do ya mean? We never left" Atsumu frowned, uncaping a water bottle he was holding "Ya puked on Kita and passed out. The boys were too wasted ta drag yer sorry ass back home so we all crashed here." The blonde was dumbfounded, trying to figure out how wasted Suna got last night.

Suna wanted to know too. After all, there was no way the events envolving you were a product of his drunk mind.

facts:

• Suna's artist name is yosemite.

• He has a Tesla Model S because of Frank Ocean.

• He takes his Nikes very seriously.

• No, not all of his songs are about the car and the kicks.

• He and the Miya twins got a sports scholarship because of volleyball, but they dropped out of school to make music.

• The three of them created Inarizaki, the label they're making music under. Kita and Aran manage it.

• Both Miya twins are beatmakers and music producers. They recently debuted as artists and now are making a collab EP with Suna, thus Atsumu's concern about the album.

[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

[artistclock]

ABENROT

(n.) the color of the sky while the sun is setting

By: Cherry Mae Parohinog

There are white canvases all over the place. The enticing smell of the acrylic paint gets her euphoric. The easel is crafted of beautiful wood and stands tall just for her. A paintbrush's fluffy bristle. The brightly colored paint tube neatly stacked on the table. The wooden floor is smeared with rainbow hue stain; she knows it's a mess, but it's chaotically colorful to her.

Van Gogh once said, "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."

She lived for that. The noises in her head were too loud; she wanted to hush them through painting. She'll play with them and make them vanish. She will create a universe in which her subject can be anything.

We all clueless people trying to figure out what to do.

However, this is not the case for her. Art is what keeps her earthly body from deteriorating. The purity of it, as well as the vibrant elements. Art is what fuels her fire. She is yearning for art. This is where her life will take her: to live passionately.

She has complete control over her decisions. She gets to decide what she wants to do. And that is creating art and becoming immersed in it. This is the fuel that keeps her going.

As she stroked a fine line, the black ink kissed the canvas. She pushed her palm gently, almost as if it were a feather. She does not want to ruin her creation.

Her paintings were mostly abstracts, but his face may be found all over her room.

The old grandfather clock sings. It's already five o'clock in the afternoon. She was engrossed in her reveries and didn't notice the passing of time. She stared in the mirror; she has paint on her face, arms, and palm, in addition to her face! She appeared to be puking rainbows. She needs to take a shower!

But she has a sinking feeling. She's always concerned about something. Her anxiety is killing her. She wrinkled her nose. Please, not right now.

She heard a noise as she swirled around in delight. It's a scream, not a scream! Her mother's anguish. She doesn't want to admit it, but its right in front of her. She dashed down the stairs, her mother screaming and bowing and holding her father's knees, asking her not to leave them. Her father, on the other hand, holds firm in his determination to leave their home and be with his mistress. Her father's harsh comments have lingered in her mind. His gentle eyes have vanished. Her mother yelled that she was going to commit suicide, but her father merely laughed like a demon, even encouraging her mother to do it. What a jerk!

With shaking feet and clouded vision, I peered into the entryway. She noticed her father getting ready to leave, two hand-carry bags on each side of him. For the last time, her father smiled at her. He used to be her hero without a cape. What happened now? When he shut the door, her father had vanished in the late afternoon light.

You've become everything you said you'd never be.

She tries to scream her father's name, but it only comes out as a whisper. Her mother's gaze was fixated on the door. She'll be the one who strengthens them both now that one of them is weak. This is not the time to be weak.

This is a broken family. She was like a stray lamb. Everything was jumbled and disorganized.

She ran as fast as she could toward the direction she knew would soothe her feelings. She couldn't stop herself from gasping. Her lungs clenched and her chest heaved furiously. Her hands were resting on her knees. Her lips felt parched. Her face was wet from sweat and tears, which were mixing and dripping at the same moment, but the salty air was defying it. She collapsed on the sand due to tiredness.

Why am I being drawn back to the world I was trying to avoid?

You're not alone. You're not alone since your paint and canvas are waiting for you, right? You're still colorful, she assured herself.

She finally noticed the broad stretch of white sand. The magnificent red and orange sunset resembled a massive fireball. The sky appeared to be magnificent. Because of the golden brightness of the setting sun, the sea glistened with flame. The waves slammed on the coast, sweeping up and down. The palm trees swayed in time to the winds dancing. They complement each other nicely. The serenity of the field and the chirpings of the birds. She can't quit admiring it. She could live here forever.

She raised her hand with the colors in it, as if she could touch the view in front of her. She will never give up all hope.

This will come to an end soon.

For a little moment, she found solace in this place. The beautiful pink sky above her were turning purple. The chilling breeze. The clamor of the waves. The wind's whistling caresses her silky skin and gently flies her hair. She clutched her knees to her chest and reached for some fine white sand, which slipped easily between her fingertips. She flashed a grin.

Isn't it true that God is a sculptor? How did he figure out that blue had to be the color of water, or is blue the color of water? Is it science? Regardless of the explanation, she is enthralled by the beauty, peace, and hues it gives.

She bit her lower lip and reveled in the peacefulness of the surroundings. It provides her enough peace to forget about the pain for a while.

She felt numb and cold all of a sudden, so she grasped her porcelain and thin left arm and pushed her long nails firmly. The dents are visible to her. It has the appearance of a crescent moon. She let out a long sigh.

He'll be here in ten minutes.

She took out her sketchpad while she awaited his arrival. She drew a line in the paper recklessly till she forgot about the agony. This is her way of letting go of her disappointment, but everything was gloomy. It's lifeless.

As he sat next to her, the soft air blew alongside his heavy footfall. In a slouch stance, he made himself at home. He has an expensive, manly, and ferocious scent. He gave her a dark look when he realized how carelessly she was sitting, so he removed his black jacket and laid it on the sand. His V-neck white shirt stretched to fit his huge chest. He motioned her to take a seat. Her dumb heart throbbed. And the butterfly in her gut was almost making her nauseous.

When his warm hand began to caress her cheeks, she flinched. Her tears had dried up from crying, but he was still wiping them away. He washed away the paint that had been carved into her skin. When his palm brushed her face, it felt warm. Her breath came to a stand as she watched him delicately kiss the back of her palm, enthralled by the moment. The heat from his lips was instantly transferred to her skin. His touches were soft and delicate. Before glancing up at her, he licked his lower lip. His lips turned red, and his intense look was too much for her to bear, but his loving eyes were soothing her down. She can see herself reflected in his eyes.

He's truly a benevolent man. She squeezed his hand, conveying her gratitude and saying how much she missed him. He cocked his head and smirked.

He hoisted her into his arms and strode down the beach path. He understands what needs to be done. Her jumbled thoughts were washed away by the sea. They both burst out laughing. He laughed up and smiled at her as he flung his head back. This is the kind of smile that makes you feel secure. That's the kind of smile he has. His typical youthful grin. The way he blinks his eyes, chews his lips, and rakes his fingers through his hair. She was completely mesmerized.

Perhaps it means nothing to him, or perhaps it was simply a simple gesture, but it has a magical effect on her.

From where she sat, she gave him a glance. Arms at akimbo and now topless. He showcasing his ironclad chest and big guns. His worn blue jeans hung loosely about his waist. What a beautiful sight to see. Her breath became tangled instinctively. He had stubble on his strong, well-structured jaw, giving him a rugged appearance. His jaw's five o'clock shadow told her that. He has these obsidian orbs, and there's a spark of cunning in his eyes. His dark hair was disheveled and silky to the touch. His lips were curved, giving him a sly grin. His veins showed on his forearm screamed violence to her.

Despite the fact that he appeared tough and manly, she admires him.

She chuckled for a moment before remembering why she was there. It was unsurprising that those around her preferred to leave and ignore her. If they stay, she'll be much more surprised.

And he did. He's different. He stayed with her.

Their legs were touching. They stood there watching the sun set in the west. It appeared to be magnificent. His skin has been sun-kissed, and his glow is dazzling. His face was highlighted by the hue of the sunset. She was a little envious of it. He appears to be eternal. It's some of the most beautiful scenery she's ever seen.

For me, it'll just be him.

This is the right time. She wore her heart on her sleeve, ready to utter her lines but then the words failed her.

Why do things don't go always the way we want them to?

She noticed him staring at the girl with those gentle and tender eyes she admired so much. Her heart shattered as she saw him stand up and move away from her to approach the woman. The woman came to a halt in her tracks as she gracefully whirled around to face him. They looked at one other as if they were the center of the universe.

She the creator of her catastrophe. And this is one of her destruction.

The scene is just too pure. She is aware that this will happen, but she allows this emotion to consume her.

Oh, sunset, you're finally going down. Beautiful, but it must come to an end.

The cool breeze blew in and crawled into her skin. She wants to paint him. He's going to be her subject. For the last time. They appeared to be a couple in old images. She plans to paint them. And it'll be a masterpiece.

She gazed out at the vast sea. It was getting dark, and she could see stars strewn throughout the sky. Her felt body began to deteriorate. Isn't here where the sun first began to rise and set?

She let go of someone who wasn't supposed to be her. All she have left are memories of them. She know when it's time to admit defeat.

Just in one day, she saw her life faded in front of her.

[i-am-ironic]

Daminette arranged mariage au part 6

I thought the last one was part 6 but nope its this one

******************

Marinette and Damian had had a great day at the park with Xander and Titus. Xander was so excited to see the "puppy" that he practically jumped from Marinette's arms.

They stayed at the park until it started getting dark after that damian went home to drop off titus and then they all went to McDonald's because it was Xander's favorite American food. When they were done eating marinette suggested damian come back to the apartment to watch "Onward" with them because that was Xander's favorite movie (it was shaping up to be a great day for this kid).

Halfway through the movie the toddler fell asleep so damian put him to bed and came back to sit with marinette. He had to admit this had been a wonderful day, but they had a lot to talk about.

Damian sighed, "we are never going to have a normal relationship, you know that right?"

"I went into this relationship knowing how it started" she replied turning to face him, "and I'm ok with it."

"Even though it wasn't your choice to marry me?"

"Dames the reason i came here to find you wasn't just to introduce you to Xander it was also because I love you." Those words ment more to him then she could even know. She still loved him even after all this time. He kissed her cheek smiling, she blushed as she continued "We didn't meet in the best circumstances but that wasn't your fault, and we were still able to have a relationship, and a son."

"Its just...you had to raise Xander on your own and I know you had Luka but I should have been there with you." He thought of all the things he missed, "I should have Held your hand at the hospital, helped you with the nursery, been there when he learned how to walk. I should have kept looking for you. But I didn't."

"You thought I was dead I understand how painful that can be. You were shipped back here with your father. You didn't have a choice how we met or when you left." She took a breath, "I know you would have been there if you could have."

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any doubts about our relationship," he tried to find the right way to farase it so it didn't sound too blunt, "because my father thinks you should meet my brothers." $#*! That was too blunt.

"Are you sure you want to tell them?" She said not seeming to mind his bluntness.

"If I don't tell them they will get suspicious and will probably figure it out on their own, mother made sure we couldn't get out of this easily so we are legally married. Its a wonder they don't already know, besides once they know then maybe you can come on patrol with us, I'm sure you missed it."

"Oh and we can spar again that will be so fun." She said clapping her hands together. "So when am I going to meet your brothers?"

"I was thinking you could come over for dinner tomorrow and if things go well then we can have Luka bring Xander over." He wasn't quite sure how Luka had so much free time but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. that was how that saying went, right?

"Are you sure you want to tell them you have a girlfriend/wife AND that you have a son I the same day?"

"My dad took it pretty well."

"Your dad doesn't show any emotions unless the media are around." She wasn't wrong.

"It'll be fine they might be surprised but at least it's not a bad surprise."

She snorted in amusement, "if you say so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian woke up to the screaming of a toddler. As he opened his eyes in the bright light coming from the window he noticed that he was still at marinette's apartment, and that marinette was still asleep on the couch by his side. She scrunched up her face at the yelling and started to sit up until damian whispered, "mari you have been talking care of him for years let me take this one, go back to sleep." She groaned and rolled over as he got off the couch and walked to the little boy's room.

"Hey Xander what's wrong?" He said in his most Soothing tone.

Xander reached over the bed rail trying to reach something "I...t...truck.....*sniffle* c...can't reach.....and food....and mommy...."

"Hey its okay buddy here i got your truck," he said handing the little boy a green truck with a Robin symbol on the side. "mommy is right out there why don't we go see her ok?"

Xander nodded wiping his eyes and reaching up toward Damian. Damian lifted up the boy and put him on his hip like he had done it a thousand times. When they reached the kitchen marinette was already up making breakfast.

"I told you I could handle him." He said shaking his head.

"I know but I wanted to make you breakfast and pancakes are Xander's favorite." She said turning to the toddler in his father's arms, "Isn't that right baby?"

Xander nodded happily asking "syrup too mommy?"

"Yes, we can have syrup too, now let your dad put you in you chair and the pancakes should be done soon."

Marinette could hear damian struggling, After a moment he said, "Marinette can you help me? I can't figure out how to strap him in the chair." She smiled and walked over to help.

She wanted every morning to be like this. Waking up next to damian, him helping with breakfast and trying to figure out Xander's toys.

When all the pancakes were done marinette went to Luke's room to tell him it was time for breakfast and Damian cut up Xander's pancakes. Damian and marinette explained their plan to luka who agreed to watch Xander while they were at dinner. When they were all done eating damian said goodbye and that he would pick marinette up at 6 for dinner.

When he returned home around 10 Jason was confused not only because he hadn't seen damian since breakfast yesterday but also because he smelled like vanilla perfume. Which meant damian had been out with a girl. And had spent the night with this girl.

"So demon spawn were gave you been?"

"None of your business todd." He said in a tone not quite as angry as it usually would be.

"Really? Because I think you just don't want me to knowing you spent the night with a girl."

Damian's face turned red but he didn't deny it, "you will meet her at dinner with the rest of the family." He said leaving to make the arrangements with Alfred and his father.

Jason was perplexed, who had damian been out with and more importantly why was he just hearing about this now? Maybe he could do some snooping before dinner.

**************

So i saw this post about how when you are writing you should write all the dialog first and then fill in the rest and you will get longer chapters and I think it works! If anyone wants to be tagged please ask me and ill put you on the list, and I still need help with how far apart all the boys are i think someone told me but I was dumb and didn't write it down, oops. anyway I hope you like this chapter! If you have any questions feel free to ask me and happy 4th of July to any Americans, happy traders day to the British and happy Saturday to everyone else.

@thestressmademedoit

@abrx2002 I love that you suggested Onward for the movie because its about a boy trying to meet his dad for the first time and thats kinda whats happening in the story

@depressedrainbowcake

@myazael

[pyrten]

DNF -- Unfinished / Dropped (12/3/2021)

! Alcohol !

Yeah, I have zero idea where I'm going with this so I'll just put it here for anyone to read lol.

-------------------------------

The upbeat tune thrums through the room. Colourful lights flicker and travel across the walls, illuminating the twinkling crystals hanging from the ceiling. 

Dream doesn't acknowledge the bodies moving across the floor, in sync with the beat of the song blasting from the speakers. Instead, he sits in front of the bar, swirling the liquid in his glass, watching as the bartender attends to the influx of orders from excited (and possibly drunk) customers. 

He decided to stream today, on his birthday. Perhaps he regrets it, seeing how he's sitting in a club, savouring the burn of alcohol instead of dancing, being with his family or going out with friends. It feels awfully awkward as he's always sure of what he feels. 

The bartender places another glass in front of him and he nods as thanks. He takes a sip from the glass and tugs at the collar of his shirt, sighing as his throat burns.

His mind feels a tad bit hazy. Placing the glass onto the countertop, he scans the scene around him. A couple making out in the corner, the whoops of excited teenagers who aren't supposed to be allowed in, the barely-there smell of sweat lingering in the air as bodies move across the floor and brown eyes locking gazes with him as he pauses. The tapping of his fingers on the countertop stops while he stares. 

The man challenges his stare with his own. 

The darkness surrounding the room really doesn't help. Lights occasionally illuminate the man's face, but it's too quick and Dream is only able to catch a glimpse. 

The man swirls his own drink, silently taking a sip as he finally tears his gaze away from Dream's. He does the same, turning his head to focus on the glass he's gripping onto, once again reaching to tug at his collar as he downs the liquid. 

He feels a tingle traveling down his spine. It's barely there but he feels it. Dream squeezes his eyes shut. "It's probably the alcohol," he thinks. "And the generally overwhelming day." 

He tries to focus on anything other than the glittering brown eyes that tugged at his heart and pulled his attention. He hears the chair scraping against the floor from his left and he stubbornly stares at the bottle of rum sitting on the rack in front of him. 

Hiding the lower half of his face with his hand, he sighs. The man probably lost interest. There isn't any reason for him to be nervous. 

Slowly, he gathers his courage as he turns to face the person who took a seat next to him. The least he could do is acknowledge them, for manner's sake. 

Immediately, his words die on his tongue and he's left speechless as he's faced with pale looking skin, soft lips and those mesmerising brown eyes. 

The man gives him a shy smile and looks away, waving the bartender over to order his drink, a huge contrast with the challenging gaze Dream went against a minute ago. 

"Y-you… um… hey," Dream mumbles out, frantically glancing around, trying to find something he could focus on instead of the man seated next to him. He's dumbfounded. How did he turn into a puddle within seconds? Did the alcohol affect him that badly? 

The man glances at him while ordering his drink. Dream awkwardly shuffles in his seat, tracing the rim of his glass with his finger. 

"Hey." 

Dream stops his actions and lifts his head to face the man. He's met with a warm smile and his heart flutters. Immediately, he hides his cough with his hand. He feels a flush making its way up his neck and he hopes the man doesn't notice. 

He offers a smile and lifts his drink to take a sip, hoping it'll give him some courage and ease him. "It's a busy night, isn't it?" He starts. A simple question. 

"It is," the man agrees, looking around while playing with the umbrella that came with his drink. An awkward silence grows between them as Dream tries to formulate a response that could continue the conversation. 

"Your name...?" The man asks, letting the question hang in the air. 

"Dream," he supplies, offering a hand out. 

A small giggle slips past the man's lips and a warm hand, smaller than his, grips his hand. They shake on it and Dream starts to feel more comfortable. 

"George," he replies. 

George savours the touch as Dream slowly pulls his hand away. He keeps the smile on his face, politely thanking the bartender as they hand him his drink. 

He takes a sip, trying to hide his smile. He watches as Dream chuckles and scratches his neck, eyes frantically looking everywhere but him. "That's cute."  

"You have an accent," Dream starts and George perks up. "Are you from the UK?" 

He shifts in his seat, positioning himself so that he's facing Dream instead of the countertop. "I am. I'm visiting here. Family, you know?" 

Dream lets out a chuckle and George is glad that he looks more relaxed than before. George notices as Dream leans closer, perhaps unconsciously and an alarm goes off in his mind. He ignores it. 

A forlorn smile settles on Dream's face. "That's cool. How do you find it here?" 

George giggles. That's such a dumb question. It's not like he's visiting Florida for the first time. "I visit here every few months or so. It's definitely warmer compared to England. The beaches are too crowded for my liking though." 

His heart stutters when Dream breaks into a laugh, not a nervous chuckle or an awkward giggle (although, they're both adorable), a full, hearty laugh that slightly resembles a tea kettle. Dream's cheeks are rosy, his face flushed and George silently takes it in, red slowly colouring his face. 

"There's more to Florida than beaches, George. You can't tell me that when you've visited a few times," Dream says, pressing his drink to his cheek, smiling. George masks his blush with his hand, giggling. 

"Well, I'm telling you that my family and I don't go out often," he replies. 

Dream snorts, feeling better than he was before. His cheeks hurt from all the smiling and laughing. 

"I really don't know how to reply other than to offer to show you around," Dream says hesitantly, placing the empty glass onto the countertop. 

George covers his blush with his hand, eyes widening for a split second. He chews his bottom lip nervously, letting the thought jump around until he settles on a conclusion. 

"Dance with me while I think about it?" George asks, smiling shyly. 

Dream gently drags him to the dancefloor as he reaches to place his drink on the countertop, giggling. 

George holds onto Dream's bicep as they twirl around each other and gracefully avoid bumping into other people. The strobe lights start flickering at an alarming speed, throwing them into darkness every few seconds. George pulls Dream closer, their breaths intermingling. He could barely make out the flecks of brown in those jasmine green (he presumes) eyes. 

His breath hitches as a warm hand cups the nape of his neck and his mind blanks when he hears the whisper next to his ear. "Made up your mind yet?" Dream asks. 

The entire club is plunged into darkness as gasps arise from the crowd. The music stops and he looks around in confusion. Someone grabs onto his forearm and guides him through the crowd, ushering him out the exit.  

George shivers at the sudden rush of warm air and the grip on his forearm loosens. He hears the jingle of keys and looks at Dream while shrugging off his blazer, raising an eyebrow. 

Dream gestures towards a car, an awkward smirk playing on his lips. "The offer still stands…" he trails off. "Unless you want to head back in, which is fine. Maybe you came with a friend and they're probably worried. Or maybe another…" he starts rambling. 

George laughs, bright and unfiltered and Dream stops his rambling to grin. He  unlocks the doors and George slides into the passenger seat while Dream, into the driver's seat.   

They're on the road within minutes. Serene music drifts through the car, contrasting the upbeat music they danced to several minutes ago. Lamp posts and shops blur past them, giving George a slight sense of numbness. "This is such a bad idea," George mumbles but he can't help but smile. He can hear his own heartbeat in his ears, his fingers curl around the fabric of his button up shirt. 

Dream giggles, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the tune of the song playing. "Tell me to stop and I will," he says, staring at the road ahead. "Do you have any specific place you want to visit? Or prefer?" 

George shrugs, leaning against his palm while staring at Dream. "You're the one who offered. Anything will do. I'm only staying for… 12 more hours before my flight back." His eyes drift from the window to Dream, whose eyes are focused on the road. "Make it worth it." 

-------------------------------

[wickedbarnes]

Forbidden Fruit (Pt. 3) | Keanu Reeves x Reader

Part 2

WARNING: Daddy kink/issues. Age gap. Smut (18+ readers ONLY).

NOTE: 2nd picture above is the picture of your outfit.

--

If Keanu was a good man, he wouldn't be doing this. If he was anywhere near as good as people told him to be he wouldn't be standing in the shower, letting the cold water run down his back while he had his calloused hand wrap around his own cock.

He wouldn't be stroking it to the thought of his girlfriend's daughter. He wouldn't be hissing and cursing her name underneath his breath. And he definitely wouldn't be fantasizing about her all the time. But here he is, teasing his twitching cock by swirling his thumb around his tip, whimpering at the thought of you being on your knees for him and just being the best girl by running your soft warm tongue on his thick length.

Keanu should be thinking about your mom. Not that he didn't find her attractive, he did. Your mom is very beautiful and there was certainly no denying you got your good looks from her but... Keanu already felt their relationship was reaching its end.

There just wasn't anything left to fight for anymore. They both lived in the same house and yet they acted like complete strangers. Yes, Keanu is busy with his motorcycle company and your mom is busy with her own job, but he couldn't help but feel as if your Mom no longer put the same effort in the relationship. It felt completely one sided.

But they had come to the agreement of trying again. Of trying to see if this would still work. So they had tried to go out for dates, tried to spend more time together and everything was going well so far. Keanu loves your mother, there's no doubt about that. But then you came in.

Not that he's claiming he loves you. But Keanu is certainly lusting over you. Your beauty and innocence is so refreshing to him. And the fact that something filthy hid underneath that innocence drove him crazy. He tried his best to distance himself from you, he really did. But something about you just drew him in. And he couldn't even pinpoint what it was.

So for today, Keanu has made the decision of going out and visit Arch, the company he had co-founded, finish what needs to be finished today instead of working at home. With your mother away for work, he wouldn't even know if he could control himself around you. Not that he didn't like your company, but deep down he knew he needed some time apart from you.

Once he got out of the shower after he just finished a sinful activity in there, Keanu began to dry himself off and began to get ready for work.

Meanwhile, after your interesting encounter with your mother's boyfriend this morning, you had decided to catch up with some of your old friends here in town since it had been quite a while the last time you saw each other. Thankfully, your boss was kind enough to let you get about three weeks off at work. And in all honesty, you deserved to have the break. You worked your ass off in order to have the chance to go back home.

It was already 11 AM and you had took the chance to start getting ready. Rummaging through your closet, you had eventually found an old flowy white mini dress that had cute little puff sleeves. You had completely forgot about this dress and immediately regret that you didn't pack it with you when you moved away. Thankfully, it didn't have any stains on it so you decided to wear that one since it was perfect for a weather like this.

After changing into the dress, you quickly did your make up, making sure you opted for a natural look before you let your hair down from your bun, letting it fall into loose waves. Once you did one last check in your mirror, you grabbed your black purse and shoved in your essentials inside before slipping in a pair of white sandals on.

You were going to meet up with your chilhood friends, Layla and her older brother, Landon who just came home from a business trip in Greece. You were very excited to see them again that when you got out of your room, you immediately collided with Keanu's body causing him to almost lose his balance before his put his other hand on the wall to steady himself while the other grabbed your arm to keep yourself from falling.

"Woah, easy there, sweet girl." Keanu chuckled and you blushed a light shade of pink from embarrassment before you gained your balance and stepped back from him a bit.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." You replied sheepishly, refusing to look at Keanu in the eye after the conversation you two had earlier but it was so hard standing there when you felt his eyes on you.

Keanu took in your appearance and how... innocently tempting you look. The white dress looked so good on you and the fact that it stopped mid-thigh drove him closer to the edge. You looked like a delicate little angel and Keanu wanted so badly to ruin you then and there. To corrupt you like no one else has. But he quickly pushed those sinful thoughts away before he could actually push you up against the wall and devour you.

"You're going out, I see." He spoke after some time, clearing his throat in the process and you nodded your head, finally having the courage to look up at him and Keanu had to fight the urge to cup your face and kiss you roughly on your plump lips.

"Mhm. I'm spending the day with some friends. I'm meeting them downtown at the pizzeria." You smiled and Keanu seemed to perk up at the news.

"Is that so? I'm on my way to work and I usually pass by there all the time. Alberto's Pizzeria, correct?" He asked causing you to nod.

'Oh God, please don't tell me he'll give me a ride.' You silently thought but fate is never at your side.

"Lemme give you a ride, it'll save you some time and effort." He offered and you immediately shook your head causing him to frown a bit.

"N-No! No, it's okay, I can manage. It's not really that far and I don't want you to be late for work." You quickly reasoned out, hoping he would just drop it.

"Nonsense, sweet girl. They can't really scold me for being late if I own the company." He joked, causing you to widen your eyes a bit. You had no idea he owned a company.

"Wait, you own the company you're working at?" You saw the slight blush on Keanu's cheek as he averted his gaze to the floor and smiled bashfully as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I do. I co-founded it with my friend. It's a motorcycle company called Arch." His answer caused you to look at him with amazement written on your face and Keanu chuckled at how adorable you looked.

"That's amazing, Keanu. How many motorcycles have you manufactured?" You asked, genuinely interested with the topic and Keanu's heart swelled in pride once he saw how curious you are to know how his company worked.

Your mom had never been interested with these kind of things. Although she'd listen to Keanu ramble about his love for motorcycles, he could see and sense her disinterest towards the topic that he would just eventually stop talking about it in front of her. He didn't want to bore her with a topic she's not bothering to listen to.

"Well, I can't really count it on my fingers anymore but if you want, I can show you the latest motorcycle we just launched. It's the one we're riding today." His words caused your eyes to lit up as a smile made its way to your face.

"Really? I've never ridden a motorcycle before, I actually want to try it but I don't think my outfit is appropriate for motor riding." Your pouted at the realization and Keanu couldn't help but let out a laugh at your expression as he shook his head.

"Don't worry too much, sweet girl. Come, I'll show it to you." Keanu nodded his head over to the stairs and you followed him down just in time for the door to open to reveal your Mom coming in looking tired as ever.

Your Mom's schedule had recently changed from day shift to night shift. And now, she just came home from work after going overtime. Usually, she'd be home by 8 AM but that wasn't the case today.

"Mama." You greeted softly and made your way towards her and kissing her cheek.

"Hey, baby. You going out?" She asked and you could perfectly see the bags underneath her eyes. She looked so tired. You nodded your head and stepped aside as she went over to greet Keanu.

You silently watched as Keanu dipped his head down and pressed a soft kiss on your mom's lips before giving her a quick hug. It seemed that Keanu already knew how tired your mother was that he immediately let her go upstairs so she could get some rest. But you somehow caught the flash of sadness on his face.

You weren't dumb. You saw how things between him and your mom seemed quite rough lately and you somehow felt guilty for lusting for Keanu behind your mother's back. You quickly looked away when Keanu turned his attention back to you. You two eventually made your way outside the house afted Keanu locked it, making sure no one would break in especially with your Mom at home all alone.

"Wait here, sweetheart." You watched as Keanu made his way to the garage and disappeared inside. You looked around and softly hummed a random song under your breath as you waited patiently for Keanu to come back.

And when he did, your jaw dropped at the sexy looking motorcycle that Keanu rolled out. His company logo plastered on the vehicle. You stepped closer and lightly ran your fingers over to the ride and Keanu stood there, silently watching you observe the vehicle he had proudly made with his partner.

"This is amazing, Keanu, it looks great, it's beautiful." You smiled and Keanu smiled sheepishly at your comment.

"Thank you, sweet girl. This is the Arch KRGT-1. It sounds great and it rides amazing. This one has different other colors of course but I chose to take home the black one." He chuckled.

"It suits you though." You replied causing Keanu to raise his eyebrows at your comment.

"Really now? How so?"

"Uhm... well, it looks sophisticated. It looks great for adventures, I take it you're an adventurous person. It also looks vintage in a way." You paused and looked into his warm brown eyes, "Fast."

Your last word caught Keanu completely off guard. He was old enough to know that was a secret code for something more. Fuck, you were such a huge fucking tease and he couldn't do anything about it although he damn wished he did.

You saw the change in Keanu's expression and how his eyes somehow got darker. His stare eventually got more piercing and you had to look away, gulping. Eventually, Keanu handed you a helmet.

"Put it on for me, baby." He gently ordered you, his voice deeper which made you press your thighs together a bit. He had no idea how badly that voice did things to you.

Taking the helmet from him, you put it on and secured it on place before you stepped aside for a bit and let him get on the vehicle. The sight of him on a fucking motorcycle almost made you fall onto the concrete floor on your knees.

You knew Keanu wearing a white v-neck shirt, jeans, boots along with a black leather jacket made him more delicious than he already is but him wearing that outfit while riding a motorcycle, you were thankful your panties weren't hitting the floor at this moment.

Keanu put his helmet on and secured it on his head before looking back at you.

"Hop on, baby, just grab onto my shoulders." He smiled and you nodded your head as you placed your foot on the footpeg before grabbing onto Keanu's shoulders as you swung your left leg over to the other side until you lowered yourself down onto the seat.

"Good girl." He praised, his lips tugging into a smirk and you were thankful you're sitting behind him so he couldn't see the blush on your face.

"Put your arms around my waist, honey." Keanu instructed and you immediately obliged as you wrapped your arms slowly around his waist and you somehow felt his body tensing a bit under your touch before he relaxed. Interesting.

"Hold on tight, baby. We're going fast today." You giggled at his comment and with that, Keanu started the engine and rode away from your house, smiling at the feeling of the wind hitting his face while your arms were securely wrapped around his waist.

This was the first time you had ridden a motorcycle and you couldn't believe you hadn't tried and done this before. You had co-workers who offered you a ride on their motorcycle passed up the opportunity since they had always got off before you did. You were happy Keanu had offered you to ride with him.

Keanu had even gone a little faster which caused you to squeal and playfully hit him on the shoulder and you could hear his melodius laugh over the noise of the busy street. You had eventually reached the pizzeria and you could see Layla and Landon waiting inside as they conversed with each other, they hadn't seen you yet.

As Keanu parked his motorcycle to the side, you carefully got off and took off the helmet he lended for you and gave it to him with a smile on your face.

"Thank you, Keanu, that was really fun." You giggled and Keanu bowed down his head for you.

"The pleasure was all mine, mi lady." He replied in a posh british action which made you burst out laughing.

"Hey, that was a great British accent." He says, his lips pouting and you had tried your best to stop your giggles and the sight caused Keanu's lips to tug into a grin.

"Never said it wasn't." You teased before you looked back at the restaurant, "Well, I best be on my way. Thank you for the ride, Keanu, I really appreciate it."

"It was no big deal, baby. Just gimme a call if you need a ride home, okay?" You blushed at his offer but nodded your head in response as you watched him start up the motorcycle once again.

"Drive safely, okay?" You said in a soft voice which made Keanu smile.

"I will, sweet girl. Have a nice day today. And be safe."

"Same goes for you." And with that, Keanu rode away with his motorcycle and you gave him a little wave which he saw in his side mirror.

This was a very good day for him.

--

It was around 10 PM by the time you got home and thankfully, Landon had brought his car with him and gave you a ride home. You had thanked them for a wonderful day before you had walked up to the front door and opened it with your keys.

Your Mom is already at work by now and you assumed Keanu is already asleep since he went to work today. You guessed he was just as tired as you are. Dropping your purse on the coffee table, you made your way to the kitchen to drink some water when you heard some noises upstairs.

After taking big gulps of water, you put the empty glass in the sink and carefully made your way upstairs where you heard the noises starting to progress louder making you freeze in place. It was Keanu.

You heard his muffled groans and his moaning and despite the fact the noises caused your cunt to go wet, you really weren't planning on walking in on him having sex with your Mom but that seemed impossible. Your Mom was at work and you didn't hear anyone else with him. Unless your mom or whoever it is with him is good at keeping quiet.

You took a deep breath and silently tiptoed your way to the master's bedroom where Keanu had made a mistake of leaving the door slightly open. You didn't know what you were expecting. Did you expect Keanu having sex with your Mom? Yes. Did you expect him having someone else in the bed with him? Perhaps. But did you expect to find him stroking his own fucking cock with his eyes closed and brows furrowed as sinful noises escaped his lips? Certainly fucking not.

This was a sight to see. It seemed that Keanu didn't hear you come home because if he would have, he would've stopped what he was doing. Or maybe... maybe he knew but he decided to continue.

You bit your bottom lip as you watched his hands go up and down on his cock, his thumb swirling around the tip of his cock, smearing the oozing pre-cum all over his shaft and you wanted nothing more than to run your tongue across it, wanting to know how he tastes.

You quietly pushed the door open more to get a much clearer view of Keanu pleasuring himself. You didn't know what came over you but you found yourself hiking up your dress and slipping your hands in between your thighs and teasing your folds over your white laced panties.

The noises he made caused your breathing to go erratic but what completely made you whimper right then and there was when you heard these exact same words that came out of Keanu's lips.

"Oh God, I- Y/N, doll, you're so fucking good, how are you so good, baby?" Keanu groaned as he cupped his balls with his other hand and threw his head back as a growl emits from his mouth, "Fuck, Y/N, you make daddy feel so good."

Your name. You heard your fucking name from him. He was moaning your name. He was masturbating to the thought of you. The fact made you whimper and Keanu's eyes immediately shot open to find you standing at the doorway, hand in between your thighs and lust swimming in your eyes.

You gulped nervously as you saw his dark eyes staring at you. Keanu knew he should get dressed and apologize for whatever it was that he was doing right now. Apologize for letting you see him like this. And apologize for masturbating to you. But he couldn't find himself to do it. Not when you were standing there in front him, possibly touching yourself while he was stroking his own fucking cock.

"I-I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I just-" You stammered, not really knowing what to say as you pulled your hand away, embarrassment slowly seeping its way into your body when Keanu had cut you off.

"Come here." His words caught you off guard causing you to stop and stare at him for a moment.

"W-What?" You watched as Keanu smirked before he shifted on the bed as he sat upright with his back against the headboard, his gaze never leaving you.

"I said come here." He repeated himself, his voice gruff and husky.

"You knew better than to watch me, baby doll. You're such a naughty girl, aren't you?" Keanu asked, giving you a shit-eating grin.

Oh, you were fucked.

--

TAGS: @fanficsrusz @a-really-bi-girl @fan-wicktion @baphometwolf666 @mikaneonox @coloursunlimited @ficsnroses @autumnsoidier @paanchu786 @thatonemultifandombeast @glamorizedtrainwreck @keanuvibe @laura-doitnow-rememberitlater @lillytalebi @wiskey-chaser @jokersdoll

[fishball-and-sweet-potato]

Zero O'Clock - BirdCop Celebration + GIF Challenge (MLQC AU)

I just wanna join. I actually want to post this fic at ARMY day (9th of July), but here it is anyway!

Pairing : Leah Hong (MC) x Gavin Bai

Warning : triggering events (containing insecurity and anxiety)

Disclaimer : Leah is MC in this AU. In this AU, there is no Evol.

Genre : fluff

Words : 1,542

NB : this fic is also inspired from this song

“Leah, you should go home now. You just left the hospital yesterday, your body still needs time to be fully recovered,” Anna slowly shaked my body, waking me up.

Leah corrected her posture, “yeah, I know I should. But I don’t want to become a burden for all of you, and especially that’s because I’m in charge of this company now. I just feel like I’m the one that should be my fellow workers’ strength, and I failed you all, even my father…” unbeknownst to her, her eyes felt hot. Leah wanted to continue but her brain couldn’t process her emotions right now.

“No, you’re not. And believe me, we all have made mistakes when that talk show was supposed to be aired live. But still, we managed to do it well at last thanks to the content and technical errors,” Willow tried to assure her. Three days ago, Leah had a chance to interview Mrs. Peng, the owner of a well-known bak kut teh* shop named Seventh Heaven. The topic was about business’ survival strategies for small and medium enterprises amidst the economic crisis. Suddenly, her stomach felt painful and she couldn’t suppress it despite all her efforts, until she fainted. The first thing she thought when she gained my consciousness was, she was such an unprofessional disgrace for this show.

“I want to see the editing process for a while,” Leah replied, still refusing to do nothing.

“Boss, we can also lend you a shoulder. I’ll send it straight to you when it’s finished. Okay?” Kiki patted her shoulder.

Before Leah nodded in defeat, Minor continued, “Boss, I’m sorry for the shift of topic, but Gavin said to me that he will come to your house around 10 pm.”

She yawned, “why didn’t he tell me directly?”

Minor rolled his eyes, but suddenly he had a flustered look on his face, “eh, sorry, he already contacted you several times, but no answer from you.”

Leah checked my phone, it had no power. “Oh God, why am I so stupid? Gavin is definitely angry with me now,” she said resenting herself. The fact that she had done this earlier consumed all her sanity. She immediately turned on her phone, and her eyes almost popped out from their sockets seeing the amount of missed calls. The fact that this day was July 28th made her more shocked. “Okay, I gotta go now,” she said after her friends kept telling me the editing was almost finished.

Leah went to Seventh Heaven. Amidst the crowd, she could still hear the voice she knew really well greeted her first, “Leah, are you feeling better?”

“Mrs. Peng!” Leah slightly raised her voice and fastened her pace towards the middle-aged woman. “Yeah, I’m healthy now! I’m… I’m sorry…” suddenly the scene flashed her mind, her body felt heavy.

“You don’t need to. Let’s go inside,” Mrs. Peng replied, dragging her into the shop.

“I think the technical errors are made up…” Leah couldn’t help but loathed everything around her.

Mrs. Peng patted her, “we can’t prevent unexpected things from happening. Instead, the only thing we could do is to find ways so it would be meaningful.”

While Leah was digesting her words, Gavin’s smile entered her thought and erased her anxiety, “I want to buy two portions of pork tenderloin soup, one portion of fish soup, and one braised pork belly. All takeaways, please.”

“For who?” Mrs. Peng giggled. “Let me guess, your policeman friend…”

Leah blushed and tried to hide her embarrassment with all her might, “uh, Gavin, tomorrow is his birthday.”

Not long after, a waitress handed her orders. Leah waved goodbye at Mrs. Peng. Her home was quite far from her company and the shop, so she had to take a bus ride. She was listening to her favourite song, not realizing that she dozed off.

You know those days

Those days where you're sad for no reason

And it looks like everyone else except you is busy and fierce

Those days where your body is heavy

My feet won't set off, though it seems like I'm already too late

I'm hateful of the whole world

Yeah, here and there are click-clacking speed bumps

My heart grows crumpled and my words lessen

Why the hell? I ran so hard

Oh why to me

A bell sound gave her consciousness back. Finance Street Halt, Leah could read the sign clearly and hear the sound of the broadcaster telling the passengers to pay when they intended to leave the bus repeatedly. She hurriedly ran to my home, opened her phone. She just realized that she hadn’t replied to Gavin's messages. Without a second thought, she spammed him her apology. Not seeing any signs of his reply, she attempted to sleep because she was really beaten up. The only thing that kept her awake was the clock, reminding her of her faults and it was already 10.30 pm. She continued listening to the song, so she could relieve her stomach pain and irregular, fast-paced heartbeat.

Come home and lie in bed

Dizzy night, looking at the clock

Thinking if it was my fault?

Soon it will be midnight

When her mind was about to drift off, the bell rang. “Coming,” Leah said, running to the door. The first thing she saw after opening the door made her heart want to leap, but getting crumpled instead. Gavin was in his casual clothes, but with a solemn look on his face. “Gavin, you’re late. Come in,” she said, inviting him to enter her home. He only followed her without uttering any single word.

After both of them sat, he started speaking, “I’m sorry for not telling you, I just finished my work. Leah, have you eaten?”

Leah shook her head, “actually, I bought food from Seventh Heaven. Mrs. Peng is really generous despite all my mistakes.”

Seeing her held back her tears, Gavin approached her, then she felt a pair of warm arms encircled her. “You have done your best, Leah.”

“I’m just a nuisance,” she said coldly. “And yeah, the audience wasn’t really impressed because the airing time was rescheduled. That makes me think that I should get lost forever. And I even forget to return your calls...”

A pair of amber eyes pierced through her soul’s window, his hand patted her head gently, “I’m hateful of the world too. But, about the last thing, that makes me dead worried. Have I done something wrong? Because all I got is my own echo.”

Somehow, she finally managed to let out a laugh, “Minor told me that too. No, actually I’m just dumb. I forgot to charge my phone.”

Gavin sighed, a small but sincere smile curved from his mouth. “I’m here to accompany you tonight.”

Thanks to him, Leah felt much better. “Let’s eat now. I’ve been waiting for you so we can start making our tummy happy!” She was beyond glad because he loved the bak kut teh.

After the dinner was finished, she held his hand while guiding him to her bedroom. Gavin always gave her warmth despite his cold exterior. “Listen to this song with me, it really helps me cope with the present situation.”

Gavin was confused when he put one side of my earphones, “what song?” 

God, how Leah wished she could cuddle him. She showed him the English translation in order to make him understand the meaning better. He was a bit sulky that she liked the boy group that sang it a bit too much, but he tried hard to hide it by cuddling her tight.

It won't be something like that

Will something be different?

But this day will be over

When the minute and second hands overlap

The world holds its breath for a little while

Zero o’clock

Her reminder popped up. It was already July 29th, zero o’clock. They kept listening to the song.

(Ooh-ooh) And you're gonna be happy

(Ooh-ooh) And you're gonna be happy

Like that snow that just settled down

Let's breathe, like the first time

(Ooh-ooh) And you're gonna be happy

(Ooh-ooh) And you're gonna be happy

Turn this all around

When everything is new, zero o'clock

Leah paused the song, pulled herself from his cuddle, “happy birthday, Potato. I hope at this new year of your life, you’ll be happier and healthier.”

Gavin cuddled her again, “thank you so much, my Pumpkin. My wish is the same for you. I hope I’ll be the one who makes you get the happiness you deserve.”

She blushed, how could he be so smooth at times. He laughed at my reddened face. “Why are you laughing? Let us pray,” she said to divert her embarrassment.

They were holding hands, silently pouring all their wishes.

Put my hands together to pray

It'll be better, for me

Hoping that tomorrow I'll laugh more, for me

When this song ends

May a new song begin

Hoping that I'll be a little happier, yeah

Gavin caressed her hair after he saw her yawned. “Sleepy?”

“Yeah, finally. But I’m joyful because it’s the tranquility that makes me sleepy, not the usual tiredness,” Leah snuggled closer to him.

“Sweet dreams for us, then,” he closed his eyes, hugging her in their sleep.

*bak kut teh : a pork ribs / meat soup dish with salted vegetables (this is how it looks like)

This is the GIF :))

[minyoonkeeks]

Pairing:Jin x Reader

Word Count: 4k

Summary: It was one thing to love him in secret, but when you think he might like you back it changes everything. (90% Fluff, 7% Angst, 3% I don't know what this is)

Warnings: None really, there is 1 mention of throwing up for like a second and a few mentioning anxiety but nothing serious

A/N: This is the first fic I've ever decided to write. I hope it resembles him a bit, but it was fun writing. I don't know if I'll continue either, I just hope I did Jin some justice (:

---

Becoming his friend always felt natural, kind of like mac meeting its cheese, or peanut butter finding its jelly. He was sweet, funny, goofy Seokjin. 2 years younger, but no one could ever tell the difference. He was smart, where it counted. He hated bugs, was extra competitive, and loved marvel as much as you. That made your friendship fun. You would chill in his apartment, play endless games of super smash, and compare recipes whenever you found something new you'd want to try. Because you came from different social groups, it seemed odd at first to your friends. They laughed when they couldn't picture it being real.

"No way _____! Do both of you just have pout monologues? Because I would hate to be in the middle of that blab fest!" Hobi joked as he pictures both of you endlessly going off on each other. You both have certain quirks and apparently over talking was one of them. The more you guys interacted when you were all together, the more your friends didn't believe it.

It wasn't until the first time you had all gone to the movies together as a group. Seokjin sat next to you and you could have sworn all the girls gave the biggest groan, making you turn beet red and Seokjin laugh awkwardly. But once all of your friends realised that's exactly what it was, a friendship, they were quick to stand up for it, because there wasn't anything more. Even when your girlfriends started noticing him.

Sometimes, a lot of times, being his friend was hard. He was a 10 everywhere he'd go, regardless of how nerdy he came off when he spoke. When he wore his dumb round glasses around his beautiful face girls would swoon saying that he looked like a lawyer. Sure, he'd never win with his dumb logic, you thought.

When he would have to attend a fancy dinner in slacks and the same blue button up with white stripes on the sleeve citing that it made him look longer even though you swore he was a whole nother you taller. "Look, you just have to go with me, no one else is fun, and they won't bug me if you go instead." He would insist, telling you his parents didn't mind if it was you going instead of another date. That would sting, you were never the date.

When he'd sit and play guitar to pass the time between picking you up from work and your coworkers would stare out the window and wonder when he would notice them. "How do you even function with him, ______? You clearly have the worst taste in guys if you don't find him attractive" one of them would say. 

"Yeah, sure, if you think gumby limbs are attractive." You'd scoff back, even though deep down you knew he was. Those were the most annoying times. Being Kim Seokjin's friend was definitely not easy.

"Hey, hurry up, we'll miss the next screening of Thor and I don't want to miss the credits!" Jin yelled from the lobby, making everyone turn and glare at how loud he was being, at least until they saw his face and proceeded to gawk at him.

"I know, I know, nerd. I don't get how you can watch this for the 5th time in theaters. Like you have a huge TV at home, why rewatch it here?" You quipped grabbing the popcorn from the attendant who just glared at you for calling Jin something other than Worldwide Handsome.

"I already told you, there's nothing like rewatching it with people who get it. And you know you get it or else you wouldn't have come with me anyway" he teased, making that pout that makes your heart flutter a little too much.

Those were most days with Seokjin and sometimes you couldn't take the stares from everyone. The ones that said "Hey why is that short girl hanging out with Jin all the time? He looks like he's babysitting." "Isn't it her though? She's the delusional one, he's way too good to cut her off though, I bet it's pity." You would overhear. You get it. It wasn't ideal for some tall, gorgeous albeit weird man to be hanging out with you of all people, but Jin didn't care because you were friends... friends. That's it.

And yeah, it hurt sometimes, seeing him go on dates, or staying at his apartment when he would tell you to wait for him, even though he was out with a girl 10 times prettier, he always came back alone. Always came back to you.

You had become a confidante for him. Someone who knew a little more, but didn't judge no matter what he did. You were the cool friend, the one everyone could depend on to be there, the one everyone joked to Jin about when they'd tell him to go look after his noona, and you, being as awkward as you were, always played it off when you'd see the pink hue in his cheeks. It never crossed your mind to think any different of him until your regular movie night Wednesday. 

You were binging Lord of the Rings on his couch, in your cookie monster pajamas left over from last time while you sat next to Jin, tired from working all day.

"I guess an office job can wear you out." He chuckled.

"Definitely in more ways than one. My brain can only take so much annoyance from everyone. I just need Aragorn to murder a few orcs and it'll make me feel 10 times better." You said yawning, while Jin just stared at the TV hands on his knees. He seemed out of it for some reason, but your day being as long as it had you didn't want to pry. Sometimes Jin liked silence, and this was definitely one of those times. 

As you watched the elves on screen, bow and arrow shooting towards the dark, you started dozing off on a pillow placed near his lap. You could feel his fingertips rubbing your scalp the way you had mentioned your mom did when you had a hard time sleeping. You could hear him humming a song, your favorite, especially because he had written it for your birthday last year. Things like this made you wish sometimes that people wouldn't joke the way they do. That it wasn't weird for you to be friends, because Jin got you. He knew you were quiet some days, and extra loud others. He knew when you just needed someone to lean on, and you hoped that's what you were to him.

And there in the quiet, as you were almost asleep, you heard him. Three simple words.

"I love you."

It felt surreal and incredibly intimate. But even though you wanted to look up and tell him you loved him too, you froze. Eyes shut, breathing heavy, and panic setting in. You didn't know what to do. You can't tell if he just meant it as a friend. And if he did then you'd lose him, the one person to make you feel like you belong when you really didn't. He kept stroking your head and you told yourself it wasn't a big deal, that you would pretend to sleep, until sleep became real, and in the morning you'd leave just as friends, how it's always been.

When you wake up, you feel really uncomfortable, not being able to get anything out of your head. Over thinking as always, and if this was any other situation, Jin would be the first person you'd tell. But that obviously wasn't possible, so you got up and grabbed you things, said an awkward goodbye and left him cooking pancakes for the both of you.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" He yelled as you were already opening the door to get out of his apartment.

"No it's fine. I forgot I had a meeting to get to and I have to go change and get ready. I'll text you later." You yelled back, trying to sound casual, and not like you were on the verge of throwing up from the anxiety.

You texted him that night and told him you needed to focus on work, that you'd have to go to a few meetings after and you wouldn't be able to meet up. His demeanor never changed, it was always silly Seokjin, always calm,cool, And sweet Seokjin.

JIN: Hey, no worries you're fine. I have to go to a few dinners too, but since you'll be in meetings I'll have to take Hobi or Tae, they're the only ones that like these events anyway.

YOU: Thanks, you should take that girl that you took last time though or you'll end up old and alone. :P

JIN: Maybe, not sure. I'll text you later though, bye!

It was fine right? You would be fine. And he would go out and be his normal charming cool guy self. Just like always. You just needed a moment to get back into the friend zone. And although you'd just lay in bed and lie to him about where you were, you knew eventually you'd have to see him. 

So the day came, well, he more so showed up at your apartment at two am and you couldn't really avoid him. When you opened the door, you don't look up, even though he towers over you. 

"____ what's wrong?"

You can hear the hurt in his voice as he says your name, and yet, you know that if you look up he'll see right through you. So you stare at his feet.

"Nothing just tired from work. What's going on?" You mumble, trying to keep your composure as you look up as him for the first time. He sighs and looks away, scratching the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say next.

"What did I do? Are you mad? I just, I don't know why you're avoiding me, and you tell me everything. So I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong." He tells you quietly, as if he was reassuring himself to you. That your friendship meant more than just a few races of Mario Kart or a permanent plus one that he didn't have to explain more than just, "yeah, she's a friend." And everyone would just get it, no questions asked. 

But suddenly you were in his arms, and you can smell the fresh cotton scent you've become so used to. You can feel his warmth when he presses into you and you can hear his heartbeat pounding into your ears. 

It wasn't like you didn't miss him, you did, too much for a friend though. And how were you going to break it to him. That you, the one who's supposed to be the cool noona, who doesn't mind just being friends, was in too deep? How could you tell him so he just gives you time to be his friend again? Because losing him would be way worse than anything else thrown at you.

You squeeze your eyes shut as you wrap your arms around his torso in response to his sudden hug. It was second nature to do so, but this time it just felt like it was the last time and you wanted to hold on as long as possible. He brushed your hair with his fingers, and swayed side to side because he knew that made you smile. You took a deep breath, not realizing you had been holding it in since he had first leaned against you.

"It's ok, _______, hey I'm fine, you're fine, nothing's wrong. I know you need space sometimes, but I can't have you lying to me about where you are when we tell each other everything. I didn't mean to scare you. Hey, it's ok don't worry." He pats your head and holds you close realizing for the first time that you're crying. You clear your throat and back away from him wiping away your tears with your sweater paws, trying to regain a little sanity.

"I wasn't lying, I'm just ... tired." You tell him sounding coarse, more tired than you knew. "Work is overwhelming and I just needed some time to myself. You know me, I..."

"No, you don't,not from me anyway. You don't and I know because I know you _____, like the back of my hand I know you." Jin said, sounding louder than he meant to. Taking a step back and breathing once before continuing, "But, I get it. I'm not sure why, but I get that you need space from me." He looks down and sighs, making your heart break a little more each time. He pinches the bridge of his nose and you know it's his form of keeping a level head. He does it when he's mad, or worse, when he doesn't want you to see him cry. 

He looks at you one more time and you can tell. He's tired, and his pleading look is something you thought you'd never be the cause of. But, what's worse? Leaving it here, or telling him the truth and watching him walk out, for real this time?

"Just... give me 2 more days. I just need 2 more days and I promise I'll come back. I just... I just need 2..." you stare at him, but with your own pleading look this time, you words soft and sad. For what, you don't know. Maybe the end, realizing, it might be the last time he visits you?

"Ok, ok _______. 2 days, but when you come back to me I want to know. I really do, whatever you give me. I'll accept it, just like you do to me. No judgement, no worries. But please, 2 days, come back." He grabs your hand and rubs along your wrist, a sign of affection he was used to giving you as he goes in for one more hug. This time he holds you a little tighter, maybe even a little longer, before he clears his throat, takes a deep breath and turns to walk to his car.

You stare at him going down the sidewalk and breathe, 2, 3. He's almost gone ______, and then you really need to get your shit together before you really lose him, you chide yourself silently.

Jin turns and waves, nodding once for goodbye while he smiles softly. His cheeks puff a little in the lamplight and you can see a glare. There was no way he was crying was there? You'd only seen him do it once when you dared him to eat your grandma's salsa that had a little too much jalapeño causing him to cry out in pain. The confused look you had, made him stop for a second before getting into his car and leaving towards his home.

Lying in bed, you kept twisting and turning, feeling way too hot to sleep and nothing could fix it. You walk to the kitchen and pull out some food, but it just gives you nausea thinking about what just happened so you settle for the milk and cereal.

Why'd you have to be so suspicious looking? Like you did something you weren't proud of? I mean, being in love with your best friend isn't a crime, it's just, not common, especially between you two. You went over the scenario in your head again, thinking about what you should have done differently so you wouldn't have to tell him the truth. You look at the cereal and look at the almost empty carton of milk before you grab a bowl and throw everything in trying to stuff your face and forget. 

2 days, 2 days, to figure out how to tell Jin that you love him in a way that isn't the same anymore. And it's all his fault, his, and stupid Lord of the Rings, that you promised to never watch again if this didn't fix itself.

To say that you were productive in trying to figure out the best way to tell your best friend that you were in love with him was a complete over exaggeration. You lied in bed, eating snickers, listening to old Taylor Swift songs- that you hated, but Jin thought were cute, and cried into your pillow like a maniac. There were moments of clarity sure, where you'd write, or at least begin to write, Jin a letter of things you wanted to tell him. Maybe give him a pros and cons list of being your friend still, but you always came up short, Both literally and figuratively. It was frustrating because at the end of the day, Jin had everything. He had his best group of friends, he had girls fawning over him, he had a stable family, a bougie apartment, and a great job. All you offered were some really intense matches of Capcom VS Marvel, and we all know, Jungkook would be a much better opponent. But here you were, trying to figure out where you went wrong, why you had to take his confession in any other way than platonically, and therefore ruin your friendship.

Day 2 came by after a sleepless night. You called Jin and told him as cool as you could that you'd be at his house no later than 8, and to be ready with Captain America Winter Soldier because it was the best and he couldn't change your mind.

"Yes, I get it. Bucky is your dude, no need to rub it in. Don't forget though" his voice getting softer, "I miss you so hurry up"

"Yes I know, you can't live without me and life is unbearable because you have no one warm to cuddle to. Although, I should definitely charge for being your own personal teddy bear." You laugh, as calmly as you can, nerves on the other end running towards you throat to make you sound cringier than normal. 

7 o'clock came and you got ready. Jeans and Jins sweatshirt, not that he would care. Most of them ended up in your house and consequently on you because you liked that his long arms made the perfect sweater paws. You put your hair up in a bun and you told yourself once more through the mirror, "Hey, it isn't the end, everything goes, and if he does too, you'll survive". You nodded to yourself and put the best fake smile you could as you walk towards your car and get in, driving to your version of the end of the world.

Jin opens the door and his eyes light up in the best possible way. You always admired that about him, his true emotions always on his sleeve, and today, you hoped that his eyes would stay like this even after your confession. 

"You gonna let me in or do I have to shove my way through?" You smile as best you can, telling yourself, only a few more minutes until it's all over, just breathe, you'll be ok.

"Nah, you can fight me first!" he teased and went in for a hug. You inhaled his scent like it was the only oxygen you could ever need in life. It was odd, he didn't let go, and although you hated the thought of doing it first, you knew you had to, so you rubbed his back a second went in for the kill, tickling him in his ribs when he least expected it.

"Really!? Wait, no stop! STOP IT YOU WIN!!" He yells as he pulls you in for another hug, He breathes you in for a second, relaxing, "I really missed you. This was way too long, and I don't know how I survived without you" he sighed, his shoulders slouching into you, even when he could easily engulf your whole body in his large frame.

You blush pulling back and patting his arm in the friendliest of ways, "Back at you! Let's go watch Bucky be a beast!" Hoping that he didn't see you cringe to yourself as you said it.

What a dork, you murmur to yourself as you sit on his couch, knocking your shoes off one at a time. You sit cross legged on the sofa waiting for the movie to start before Jin turns off the screen.

"Hey" he says as he sits in front of you on the floor in the same exact way as you. You look at him, a sneer in your stare as you grab a pillow and throw it at his head. He chuckles as he turns away trying not to get hit. But as he turns back you can see the look in his eyes. It's the same one he had 2 nights ago, and it's the one you knew would come back today.

"Yeah, what's up" you tell him, tilting your head to the side,hoping he can just see the tension in your face and leave it alone.

He stares at you for a quick second, thoughts floating in his pupils about what move to make next.

He gets on both knees and gets close to your face, startling you frozen in front of him. You can feel him breathing on you, and you don't know why, but the sudden urge to cup his face with your hand comes out snd you're rubbing your thumb across his cheek. 

He holds your hand within his and closes his eyes for a second, and you can feel him shaking slightly. Is he nervous? Does he think you'll leave him on purpose? I guess it's now or never.

"Jin, I.."

"I know, and if it makes you feel better, I do too."

"Lies, you don't even know what I'm going to say. Do you always have to win? I mean I try my hardest and it's not fair when your fingers are longer than ..." and his lips are on yours, effectively shutting you up from saying something even more stupid than you already had.

You look around the room, feeling like it's spinning, holding on for dear life to his sweater collar because if you let go you'd collapse. 

You close your eyes and and scrunch your face trying to burn it into your memory. A kiss, that's all this is, but it's not. It's his kiss. It's dorky, nerdy, handsome, beautiful Jin's kiss and it's perfect, just like him.

You slowly wrap your hands around his neck as he breathes you in, turning slightly so you can be more comfortable and pulls back to smile at your dumbfounded face. You keep your eyes closed hoping it wasn't just a figment of your imagination before you hear him chuckle, his stupid Jin chuckle.

"What? Why are you laughing? Is this funny to you? How?! How rude" you aim to slap his arm, but he catches it and grabs you by the waist pulling you in for a hug.

"Don't ever do that again, you promise? It wasn't fun, and I don't know if I scared you when I told you I love you because I thought you were sleeping, but I really meant it." Jin kisses your collarbone as he nuzzles into your neck.

"I didn't know, I really didn't, but I'm glad I do now. This anxiety was killing me, and literally the only person I could tell was Tae and we all know how weird he gets when we talk about our feelings. I mean, remember that one time I-"

"Just, here, -" He places another kiss on your lips, then your cheeks, your nose, and your forehead, effectively making you mush. "At least now I know how to really shut you up when you start your monologues"

"Oh shut up and come here" you smile and you pull him up to the couch and snuggle with him under the blanket. 

This was the one thing you didn't think would happen today, and although you lost maybe 10 years from the anxiety alone, it was definitely worth it, you tell yourself as you look at him while he's singing along to the marvel theme song. 

That's my nerd, my Jin.