#so glad to meet you though!!
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Hi bestie!!! Can I have the jammin url list pls
omg hiiii
the jammers have asked to remain anonymous, have these absolutely JAMTASTIC cats instead!
#ask#women-kisser#so glad to meet you though!!#I wish you much prosper in your future women kissing endeavours
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buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(the origin of halloween huh) (oooh)#why yes i did wake up way too early to watch the stream and will have no memory of drawing this later#anyway THE MAGIC BOOK IS BACK TO EAT US ONCE AGAIN!!!!#this does make things make a lot more sense if it doesn't have to. y'know. actually take place in the established world#like how jack and sally are apparently just gonna be THERE as themselves WHY NOT#i'm certainly not complaining mind you#scully looks like he's gonna be super adorable and i love him already#spooky scary skeleman who just goes :O a lot and is excited for halloween#he seems like he might actually be more of a fusion of jack and sally? or maybe i'm just reading too much into it#still getting jazzy vibes off of him though. is not scully j graves an incredible jazz musician name.#does this open up the possibility that the last time we went into the book there was a sexy anime boy stitch just offscreen the whole time#...maybe some things are best left uncontemplated#god everyone in this event looks fantastic i'm so glad i saved up some keys after all#a little sad that there's no lilia but you know what the fact that a halloweentown malleus exists is still pretty dang good#and sebek's hat is SO tall#the biggest hat for the loudest boy#i hope oogie is here too i need him and jamil to meet#i need jamil to be faced with a guy who's just a bunch of bugs standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat#i am not coherent right now i just needed to get this out before i go pass out again
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john x fuuta ?👉👈 or 090309
I love the dynamic between them all, thank you for the request! I went with an earlier meeting for them (well, one of the first times Fuuta's aware of speaking with John, at least). As much as I joke about Fuuta being starstruck by his strength in the attack, I tried to take a more serious route for the "something to rely on" vibe.
John’s eyes flicked over Fuuta, sprawled out on his bedding and looking up expectantly.
“Man, you look like shit.”
Fuuta scowled deeper. “I asked for the reason you’re here in the middle of the fucking night, not your opinion.”
“That is the reason I came.”
Somehow, amid all the other things he had to worry about given the horror of the past few days and exile that followed, Mikoto had still found the time to lose sleep over Fuuta’s condition. John had always liked the guy, but he wasn’t in the business of watching over people he didn’t truly care about. He didn’t know what Mikoto saw in him to cause such an overreaction.
Though, with the futon dragged to the bars of the cell, and bathing him in the dim light of the guard’s tower, it was becoming clear that Mikoto’s concern was indeed warranted. Fuuta appeared deathly. The fresh injuries had been bandaged, but there were stains where blood was beginning to seep through. His eye – the one that had survived the ordeal – was bloodshot and rimmed with dark bags. His hair was as tangled as the rumpled hoodie it poked out of.
Fuuta was still staring in anticipation. It took John a moment to understand why.
“You recognize me.”
“No shit. Mikoto came in here like a fumbling idiot earlier today. He wanted to make sure I was okay or whatever. Like I’d be okay after what happened!” He paused, a clanging from someone else’s cell briefly distracting him. “But you… the way you carry yourself… it’s different.”
“Not that different. I’m here for the same reason.”
The plan was simple. Once Fuuta slept, Mikoto would relax, and everyone would be happy. If it turned out to be his injuries keeping him awake, John didn’t mind crushing Fuuta’s pride and explaining his weakness to the doctor to get more painkillers. If it was noisy neighbors, he’d teach one of those girls a lesson the following day. If the problem was just plain insomnia, well, John’s swinging arm was still completely functional...
“I just want to make sure you’re sleeping.”
“Don’t tell me you’re as disgustingly sentimental as him.”
John’s expression twitched. He didn’t appreciate the condescension. That was Mikoto’s most admirable trait, after all – offering help to others even when he was falling apart himself. He was so selfless, so self-sacrificial. It was no wonder John felt compelled to do the same for him. But Fuuta…
“Ugh, he’s always trying to be buddy-buddy with everyone around here, it makes me sick. Nice words don’t do shit. Look where his friendship with Kotoko got him, eh? That’s what these fools still don’t understand – you need to face these things head-on.”
“Oi, don’t be hard on me just for caring.” He didn’t say it as any sort of gentle encouragement; it was a command, and Fuuta understood. He snapped his attention away from where he’d been peering around the bars. “The world needs more people with that kindness. That optimistic view of life, of others, no matter what – it’s why I’ll do everything I can to save me.”
Silence stretched after the intense comment. Fuuta was looking away again, and John couldn’t read him. When he did speak, his voice came out more defeated than expected.
“Tch. Well. Not all of us have that luxury.”
“Of what?”
“Of you.”
His eyebrows raised.
Cheeks reddening, Fuuta hurried to add, “I mean someone to have your back like that. I wish I could be half as relaxed as that, but I can’t afford to let my guard down. I need to be strong myself, I don’t have anyone else to take care of my problems for me.”
It hit him suddenly, that everything came down to that. Relief washed over him, now that a clear, easy, (and nonviolent) solution had presented itself.
“What if you did? I could take over your little sentry duty for the night.”
“W-what do you –?”
He gestured to where Fuuta was laying. “No need to play dumb. You’ve been keeping an eye on everything, even the other side of the guard’s tower. The sounds from around cell eight have caught your attention. You’re positioned so you can see cell six, but haven’t moved all the way over, because cell ten has easiest access from the right.”
“The others would say it’s pointless, or that they’re handling it. I’m not buying it, though. I don’t care if they say it’s crazy of me to do.”
“I think…” John’s posture softened. “I think it’s very selfless of you.”
He was constantly amazed at Fuuta’s tendency to react to everything as if it were some world-shattering statement just told to him.
“So?” He prodded before Fuuta’s expression could grow any more wide-eyed. “How about it?”
“I mean… they told me about the attacks… what you did…”
John set his jaw. No matter how many times it had happened in the past few days, it still stung to see how quickly people turned against him because of the fight. He thought they all had come to terms with each other’s capabilities for violence, but as usual, the moment he showed his true face, the world turned against him.
Of course Fuuta could never relax knowing such a violent and unpredictable person was sitting right beside him through the night. It was a miracle he hadn’t panicked immediately at the sight of yet another cold, towering figure appearing at his door in the middle of the night.
John stretched his right arm across his chest. It looked like his original solution still stood. Fuuta said problems should be faced head-on. Surely he’d understand this was for his own good.
“…Yeah, okay.” Fuuta gave a decisive nod. He beckoned with a jerk of his head. “I trust you.”
“I –” John blinked. “What?”
“You understand me. You understand what it takes to be in a place like this.” His gaze flit away momentarily. “You’re incredibly strong. You’re prepared, and have good instincts, and your confidence is –" Noticing how intently John was listening, he interrupted himself to bark, “but don’t think I couldn’t handle this on my own! It’s only because you offered, and it’s a smart move. I’ll just sleep for a bit, we can take shifts. Wake me in three hours, okay?”
“Fine by me.” A little lying was definitely better than what else he’d had in mind.
Fuuta moved his futon over a few feet so John could settle into his carefully chosen spot on the ground. Everything was all set to begin keeping watch, until a new sound rose up to drown out the other noises in the panopticon – soft snoring from beside him.
He glanced over in disbelief at the instantaneous security Fuuta had sunk into. All the tension had melted away from his face and shoulders. He lay completely at peace.
John had achieved his goal. He should be celebrating. Instead, he couldn’t help heaving a heavy sigh.
How did he end up with two self-destructive idiots to watch over?
#milgram#john milgram#fuuta kajiyama#0309#030909#mikoto is mentioned to care deeply for fuuta but not tagging him#ive had this idea forever and it was so difficult putting it into a concise flow for some reason? so im super happy with how it came out!#originally i wanted actual dialogue about it being their first meeting but it took the focus too off topic#i imagine john has fronted before without anyone knowing he was watching and learning about them#fuuta would be freaking out about that being creepy and rude (isnt it polite to introduce yourself when you first meet someone?)#but john was glad for fuutas treatment back then#(and he also reminds fuuta that his own 'watching others from the safety of anonymity' habits werent that different...)#i know i wrote this as a change in johns mind about fuuta but i like the thought that he came in the first place because he already cared#then seeing how much fuuta trusts him (especially after everyone - including mikoto himself - turns against him) really makes him fall hard#also the fact that fuuta is the only one to see his strength as something helpful instead of scary#in my original draft john comes right at the curfew bell and locks himself into fuutas cell much to his dismay#but the cells locking got rid of the point of the fic lmao so fuuta had to be a little nicer in this version and let him stay willingly 😂#i liked the very purposeful show of trust though <3#i also love how much they relate to one another#john thinks fuuta has to deal with the same issues as him but also thinks he and mikoto are very similar in their care for others#mikoto thinks john and fuuta are similar in their approach to problems and communication and protection#meanwhile fuuta believes hes more like john when in reality hes more like mikoto - leading him to connect well with both#anyway sorry for rambling asdfsdf i hope you enjoyed! thanks for the ask!!#drabbles
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not to be tmi about it, but once upon a time life presented me the opportunity to have a fiery romance with my favorite journalist with whom i have a 25 yr age gap and who is a dilf
#— ai rambles#who is also a writer and now he’s a politician LOL#he’s not what you consider objectively attractive but i was in love with his brain#back then he also worked in the radio so i listened to him and read everything religiously#i admired him so much….#and i ended up sending him a friend request on FB lmao#which he accepted I WAS SHOOK#i was in uni back then 1st year ended it was summer break into my 2nd year#he texted me….and i couldn’t believe it like the man i’ve admired for so long is talking to me??????#so we slowly started texting every day….until at some point he was sending me books by mail for me to read#we were talking about meeting when i got back to [redacted] where my uni is and where i live now#bc during summer breaks i was usually at my parents house in my hometown#but i chickened out guys bc 1) the age gap scared me i was like super young okay#and 2) i wasn’t sure if he wasn’t with the woman he had kids from#men can say anything to you and you should never trust them 🤞#i did a hardcore research on the internet all fbi mode to find out about any possible clues that might hint at him still being#involved with her but i couldn’t find anything bc he’s super private about his life 💔#i slowly distanced myself from him bc what if they were still together#i didn’t want to be a homewrecker#i can be anything but i’ll never be that#i just had my doubts and suspicions and i am glad i bailed like that bc now that woman is listed as his partner when you search him up#which ofc doesn’t mean they were together all along maybe they separated and got back together#but feels like i dodged a bullet LOL#he still likes my posts on FB though and by posts i mean my photos i share from ig#but yea LOL#idk why i was suddenly reminded of him#maybe he’s thinking about me too LMAO
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Fascinated by the break up scene in "tell me that you love me". While they're together, Jinwoo keeps telling Moeun that she should be less considerate. With all his childhood and college trauma, he's used to that. He'd rather have people think he's rude. He'd rather miss what is being said than ask people to accommodate him. He plays music for her and is willing to do things with her that are totally inaccessible to him. He keeps his past secret to not worry her. He apologises for not being able to linguistically meet her halfway, as if that's his fault. He's endlessly impressed by her making an effort to learn his language but he also switches to writing when it gets too complicated for her. He's being too considerate himself. And then it's still not enough for her. So he fully commits to his comfort zone for the first time and breaks up with her entirely in sign language. And when she starts crying and admits she didn't get most of it, his facial expression says "guess what, that's what I feel like all the time."
#I'm so glad they get back together but like good for him!#hopefully in their second relationship they figure out a way to meet each other half way for real though#tell me that you love me#macks musings#사랑��다고 말해줘
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Some more NPCs my players met during the latest session of our VtM chronicle, Davenport by Night!
Father Raphael: A Hunter from the Society of Leopold, things have changed a lot for him since the last time the PCs have met him...
General Veronica: Leader of the local branch of the Society of Leopold, respected and admired by her Hunters, who call her "Saint Veronica" and would follow her anywhere.
Dietrich Reiker: An informant. Definitely someone the PCs can trust. Lasombra.
Dominic Marquise: Sergeant of the "Anarch Militia" of Davenport, basically a police force for Cainite matters. Toreador.
Previous portrait dumps here and here :)
#dravensart#Vampire the Masquerade#Vampire: the Masquerade#VtM#VtM OC#Lasombra#Toreador#Hunter the Reckoning#World of Darkness#Davenport by Night#Raphael#Veronica#Reiker#Dominic#yayyyy we got to play again yesterday! third session!!#we had a lot of fun even though it was a slightly shorter one#it's crazy how many suspicious things you can get away with when you make one of the NPCs very hot and very nice to deal with...#I'm so glad my players finally got to meet Reiker :D I was soooo looking forward to this
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Shoutout to my roommate B for being So Chill about needing to pick me up from class yesterday bc I was too dissociated to drive. Thank u, B, you’re a real one.
#blue chatter#legit I could have just been trapped in that building for hours unable to get home#I was so scared and didn’t trust myself to walk home bc I get lost v easily even when I’m not dissociating#I’m so glad I thought to text Arrow and B and that Arrow. translated what I was trying to say to B.#and that B’s response was ‘cool where are you. do you need me to get you.’#I was also freaking out about my backpack being gone and B was like ‘you left it at home dw’ instead of asking me why I asked abt it#just. I am so lucky. to have friends and roommates who handled this so well.#also shoutout to my ASL teacher and her TA. they tried their best to help me but I was too far gone to understand Anything.#my teacher is Deaf so mouth talking was Not An Option and I couldn’t understand her even though I *knew* I knew those signs#it just didn’t click at all. and the harder I tried the more I felt myself slipping away again. bc I kept getting overwhelmed.#anyway that all happened yesterday#and now I get to go to two academic meetings about my capstone and grad school and just act like everything’s normal#Blegh.
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for someone whos ultimately kind of a hopeless romantic i sure do not give a Fuck about actual romantic relationships
#genuinely its so bottom tier to me in practice 😭#theres friendship and theres sex and theres ok now get out of my house FDHCJN#idk was thinking last night about how im really lucky i have tumblr and my online friendships#cant really articulate it succinctly but both are obvi interconnected and have done wonders for meeting my emotional needs#and helping me just become sincerely comfortable w myself and all that#im so fucking glad i could sidestep that heinous cycle of like. chasing after a relationship constantly and all that shit ykwim#i truly cant imagine doing all that shit id rather kms#but you know what i still hate. how even though its truly My choice and not smth i want anyway#how i STILL feel like people think theres smth wrong w me for being single#isnt that sick? none of my friends gaf but it doesnt stop that small voice thats like#well all your friends are in relationships now. dont you think they wonder whats so fucked up about you#firstly no my friends are all normal people. and secondly shut upppp you dont even want that. you KNOW you dont want that. so who cares#anyway. idk this post was supposed to be about how i love cherish adore my online friends so much#not just my close longterm friends but all my mutuals like literally. saving my life by being online thank u. kissies
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think maybe my professor was so eager to have a lively discussion about literally anything but politics today that class ended up letting out like six minutes late haha
#sasha speaks#me and the one other girl who actually talks in class kept yapping our thoughts and reactions#to the music and articles covered in lecture lol#it was a good discussion though the professor i think was glad to have the two of us so eager and willing to speak up#the other six people in the class generally just sit there silent the whole time. often looking at their phones or tablets.#today included. lol#anyway this week we have a recorded lecture to watch in addition to our usual reading assignments#and there's an extra bonus assignment to do before next class meeting that will be revealed at the end of the recorded lecture?#and the prof said 'don't wait til the last minute to watch the lecture and do the assignment. you will not have time'#considering next week's lecture is on opera....betting right now the assignment will be to watch smth on met on demand.#i'm going to lose my entire mind if the assignment is 'watch don g' LOL
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NOW MISS MA’AM
#I’m so glad she’s back to performing#nobody expected her to POST though omg#blessing us#she looks so good#t-minus 6 days until I meet her#I’m gonna die on the spot I hope you know#rpdr 15#drag race#anetra#drag race 15#rpdr#rupauls drag race
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wait no sorry one last quick immature bitch moment
the more I find out about how this person has behaved in both this relationship and a bunch of other relationships, the funnier it is how much they like to set themselves up as a like. authority on ethical nonmonogamy and consent and conflict management.
when like. they constantly sexually assault people to prove a point, pressure their partners into shit, got into enm by cheating on 3 people concurrently, and literally every time a problem in their orbit is brought up it gets explained away without anything actually changing, or they cry about how hard it is until everyone says OH NO IT'S FINE DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
you know. very "call yourself a Community Organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates" energies.
#red said#I'm mad tbh i know in being bitchy but this blog is my safe space to be bitch on#and this shit has been building up for years. not even just in my relationship with their partner. since the first time i meet them#in like 2018#and having this chat with my pal last night now I'm no longer second guessing myself bc of my relationship has uhhh Crystalised Some Things#especially getting some new context on where a lot of the tensions and sensitivities I've been aware of for ages are from#also tbh when we broke up my ex led off with 'i know you think this is about [partner] but it's not' and i was like. it is though.#it's not the only thing but it's been a common thread through every piece of tension in that relationship#not saying if the partner wasn't there we'd have been together forever. i don't think that's true and I'm glad things went the way they did.#cause w were good for each other and breaking up was also good for us#but their partner has really caused me so so so so so much turmoil for years and i haven't felt able to acknowledge that cause it makes me#feel like an asshole. but like. OK SO I'M AN ASSHOLE. I'M FUCKING MAD AT THEM.#they are manipulative and controlling and they treat their partner like shit and they have perpetually made my life worse#i like a lot of things about them and i do feel for them. we share a lot of similar issues and i do understand how they feel a lot.#but fuck me they treat everyone around them so badly and a good chunk of the reason i ended things with their partner#is that i was so fucking sick of being told i was wrong and just didn't understand how hard they had it whenever i brought up#one of the many many many shitty things they did to me or to our partner or to our friends.#multiple times i left a situation in a fully fucked up mess and my partner came to apologise for how their partner has behaved#and within minutes it would turn into them explaining to me how it wasn't really their fault and i shouldn't be so hard on them#and like fuck that. had enough of that in my life with my previous ex.#anyway. yeah. i am probably being more didactic and aggro here than i genuinely feel. but there's some room for that anger i think#and i did get some room for it to breathe last night and that's good and helpful.
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Is the Wip game finished? Can I still ask for stuff? If I still can, can I get a snippet from the one that give me the most rot (meet the parts)? If no, then I'm just swinging by to say hi how are you doing? <3
HI RED!! thank you for swinging by, im doing better than earlier!! my ear is getting better and im eating pizza :]!
okay so TECHNICALLY it's no longer wednesday, but i LOVE spoiling my fics so of COURSE you can have a snippet from Meet the Parts hkjh <33 you are always free to ask anytime, i will always be happy to share bits of my stories <3 AND SINCE THERE'S NO RULES I CAN SHARE MORE THAN THREE LINES!! here's like, a whole React Speed thing i just wrote :]
LOGIC – Along with Coach and Sparks – Flighty and Fingers too, I suppose – they're why you have trouble sitting still for long periods of time. The attention deficiency disorder... Or are they exacerbated by it? I still haven't figured out which is the cause and which is the effect...
REACTION SPEED – Point is, we got zoomies! Can't sit still. Always more to do, more to see, more to say.
YOU – "Are you why my leg is always-"
REACTION SPEED – Bouncing, yep! Fingers tapping, hands flapping, feet moving, words flying- hey, if you had wings like me, we'd never be touching ground.
YOU – "You have wings?"
KIM KITSURAGI – He jots this down with an interested hum.
REACTION SPEED – Yes! Books, what- which animal–
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] – You have the hovering wing type of trochilidae – hummingbirds, colloquially – with their ability to rotate their wingspan at the shoulder and elbow joints to create maximum lift. However, though you exhibit some iridescent feathers associated with the birds, your wings also connect to membranes, which share the Voronoi tessellation of the species anisoptera, the common dragonfly.
REACTION SPEED - Yeah, exactly! I'm a hummingbird and a dragonfly. Both of 'em. :)
#task: meet the parts#inland drabbles#volta transmissions#the :) is not in the original but i added it here for fun <3 :)!!! ALSO YAY my reaction speed has wings :]#im glad you like meet the parts :'] its hard for me to work on it but i just wrote this scene thinking ''oh but red loves these guys'' hkjg#like! i LOVE the premise of meet the parts as much as the next guy but i dont like how im writing it hkjgh? i dont know what im doing :']!!#i need to finish my character analysis for all the skills first because i feel like im writing them too shallowly... ough im trying#how am i introducing kim to the skills when even i dont know the skills!! im building a house with a foundation made of peanuts hkjh#like hm. ency wouldn't touch on so many subjects so briefly? he'd zero in on one topic and talk.... or not? idk!! im not an int guy!!#reaction speed does use a LOT of exclamation marks though i love this for him. his sentences are often short and cut into phrases.#''Blam! Straight in the eye. Straight in the old eye-orb. In *the lookin' ball*!'' short pointed sentences. also oh my god he's silly <3#restless and energetic. coach wants you to move; echem needs the dopamine; but react speed puts the Hyperactive in ADHD!#sidenote: canon in reaction speed's description ''working in tandem with your Intellect skills'' GUY WHO GETS ALONG WITH THE INTs :D <3#anyway this is also the one of the few skill-centric fics im writing that don't have my usual skill actions :0#''REACTION SPEED flutters excitedly; twisting to try and catch a glimpse of his own wings - Yes!'' vs just ''REACTION SPEED - Yes!''#which means a lot of what the skills are doing or thinking as characters are cut out unless i have them mention it in dialogue#which SUCKKSSS for me because i LOVE focusing on the skills but i often leave it out when the outside world is involved (harry and kim)#it presents a unique challenge to just write characters with only dialogue. ough... curse my current lack of interest in the humans hkfjh..#ANYWAY im running out of tag space so im done rambling hkjhg thank you for asking red! :D#esprit: Red
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NEW CLIP FROM ARI AND DANTE JUST DROPPED
youtube
#ugh im gonna see this scene in context with the WHOLE MOVIE in one week#because im seeing the WHOLE MOVIE IN ONE WEEK#cannot believe it honestly#but ugh this scene!! dante you're hurting me :(#okay but im so glad i saw this scene because it shows like how comfortable their friendship is at this point?#like even though its a vulnerable and kind of uncomfortable moment you see how close they are at this point#which you didn't get with the other teaser because obviously they're just meeting at that point#this makes me even more excited for the movie max and reese are so perfect for this ugh#ari and dante#Youtube
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. . . I hate when people mistake "the narrative doesn't explore this female character's interiority" with "this female character is dumb and helpless".
It's better when they say "passive" because at least that is something you can concretely see or not see, but . . . when you don't see anything of a female character's thought processes and default to assuming she's "dumb and helpless" that says more about you than anything else.
#this is about mah0@ku#i'm glad there's more fandom engagement with it than i was expecting#but i'm really upset that everyone is hating on by@kuya . . . they know the intimate details of the male lead's name but just refer to#the female lead as 'the magical girl'. . . .i really related to her like i'm sorry as someone who had to grow up fast#and coped with that by being extremely blase about it all#that's not 'being stupid' or 'helpless' that's what literally kept me alive#i was in an extremely reactive environment and byakuy@'s quietly doing her best with the things being handed to her and the specific#variety of things being handed to her makes me feel seen#there IS something to be said about joking around with her going for like a week without eating & how women are expected to starve#themselves but like . . . also she's not dumb she's just been kicked over and over so much that she's keeping her head down#instead of taking risks that won't pay off#everyone nitpicking her age also sucks we don't HAVE a canon age for her we ONLY have context#which is that at some point in her past she dropped out of school and started working full time because shitty things happened to her#granted i haven't read the 4koma in a while but i'm pretty sure she was solidly in her early twenties by the time she and mira meet#and like yeah you can be like 'but her face looks like a child's' but like HER BODY DOESN'T THOUGH and NEITHER DOES HER OUTFIT#if anything mira's circumstances are more early twenties coded than byakuy@'s#like at some point if you're constantly seeing p3dophilia everywhere the call is coming from inside the house#also in this specific instance we're a whopping 12 minutes in so like#she'll get more development jfc
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Hate it bc we used to have such a fun friend group and everything was great but then ppl started fighting with each other so now there's a lot of tension between some ppl and it makes me kinda sad to think about how it could have been if this all hadnt happened
#and half of them i dont even know what happened bc ''i hate him but i dont like talking shit about ppl''#or ''uh it was nothing he was just an asshole''#and then theres the ones who dated for a while and then broke up and then she fucked with his best friend (also in the group)#and idk it all seems centered around that guy and his best friend tbh#the other day a few of us met and that guy and his best friend were close so we went to say hi#and they all hated him and/or were hated by him like howw#also apparently he wanted to hook up with a girl's gf (though i have my doubts about how literal this was)#(bc that girl is the first guy's best friend so she 100% knows what happened and she was deff biased by then)#idk man it sucks when ppl are mad at each other and no one will say why but you still like everyone there#idk this winter we were able to meet up without setting off an atomic bomb so thats. awin i guess#and tbh im glad i can stay out of the drama ngl if they made me pick sides i would go crazy#mine#life#friends
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Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind
#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me#there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless#anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication#but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc#im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago#anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless#reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for#take it little steps at a time#celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call#the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more#instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much#i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc#also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them#and less alone in it all#because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are#the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end#volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and#i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually#like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that!#even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all#other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby#p
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