#so glad i've fixed it in the past few months

[bugsinshoes]

GUESS WHAT DAY TODAY IS !!!

HAPPY LAURIE CREATION DAY !!

i can't believe she's already a year old. she's grown so much as a character over time as i've developed her more. even with her design i feel like she's changed so much. ANYWAYS !!! as a treat, here are some of my first laurie drawings and concepts !!!

MY GIRL ❤️

ALSO !! here's a comparison of laurie now and then !!! i guess this is also to show my art improvement over the past year. it's actually insane. like WHAT.

laurie will forever have a special place in my heart and i will never stop drawing and talking about her. i just wanted to wish her a happy one year of creation :3

(throws this post and skedaddles away)

[palskippah]

Hi! Over the last few months I've made these drawings of my Goldenheart fankid :D

He's Cyrus Goldenheart and he's my newest coolest baby and I love him very much.

Some stuff about them under the cut! And also other things and more drawings sjsj

-First off, know that Cyrus is his English name, because in Spanish he's Ciro Goldenheart- because Ambrosius is Ambrosio in the hispanic dub and that's very cool (also, I'm glad they didn't change Ballister's name to Trabuco and just left it as Ballister askdjsa)

-Also, I love the headcanon that in this universe family names come from the mash-up of last names to whatever sounds coolest. So Ballister and Ambrosius picked the last name Goldenheart (they could've been Boldloin but both were like hell no- And in Nimona's humble opinion, they were cowards)

>ALSO did you know that in the Latin Hispanic dub Ambrosius calls Ballister 'Balli' instead of 'Bal'? It makes it seem much more like a pet name and I love it.

>Also, headcanon that Ballister calls Ambrosius 'Ambrosito' when he's being particularly corny. (It works as a diminutive of his name with the -ito but also, osito means 'little bear' in Spanish, so it's a very cool pet name)

>Also, Ambrosoli, because that's a Chilean candy company, and I think it's funny.

>Now, since they're famous as knights and whatnot, imagine that Goldenheart was the name in which their fans referred to them as a couple- (I know that Balli had been considered a villain and an awful person and stuff after being framed, but I bet his fans came back after the movie ending and whatnot :''v) and then they got married and became the Goldenhearts for real, and people were like YEAH WAHOO bc they love them.

-Years after the movie, and after Nimona coming back and all the fixing their relationship thing, they got married and all, and had planned to adopt a kid some years later (because Ballister didn't want to have any babies himself), but then they found out they were expecting and were like 🧍🧍 (maybe my guy got too nervous and made the wettest wet cat eyes ever and that made Ambrosius be like Balli, it's okay, don't worry D: let's talk about this)

>Anyways there was the thing of do we have them or not, and then they had a conversation, like:

(Ballister, still with his puppy-under-the-rain eyes) "...do you want them?" (Ambrosius makes some noncommittally noises) "Do you?" "But do you?" "But do you? You should decide" "Yeah- I just want to know your opinion." "Yeah, but it's your body." "Yeah, but I wouldn't raise them alone, both of us would. Do you want a baby right now?" "But I don't want my opinion to affect your opinion, because you would have the baby and I know how you feel about that and I don't want my decision to affect your decision because it should be your decision... So, what's your dec-?" "For Gloreth's- Stop saying decision! (Ambrosius' stupid attempt at lifting the tension was successful, because Ballister's laughing) Do you want them, yes or no?" "Yes I do, but only if you want them too, and if you don't that's alr-" "I think I do!"

>Then, later that day, there's Ambrosius' like, so... are we going to have a baby? (doubtfully) and Ballister's like I don't know :( (apologetically, because he genuinely doesn't know pipipi)

>So anyways, after some more days of thinking (because he had the final say in it, of course), Ballister's like yeah let's have them and they're both like WOO WE'LL HAVE A BABY :D, and Nimona's like HA! You'll get huge! And congrats too, I guess, when she's told.

>And then like eight months go past and Nimona's like HA! I knew it! and Ballister's like shut the fuck up >:( I'm not in the mood right now and Nimona's like (waving her hands) fine, chill, boss. i'll make the joke later then. And Ballister stares blankly and goes ...thanks (y'know those silent stares he does like three times in the movie?) (I want to write down all the expecting headcanons I got but whwhwh)

-Ambrosius' like we have to name them something with C, so we're A, B and C :D and Ballister's like yeah :D! so they look for names with C, that's their only requirement.

-Ballister and Ambrosius had a long as hell list with names with C and whenever Balli was like hey we should decide on one soon, no? D: Ambrosius was like yeah let's pick one :D, but it never led to anything because they couldn't decide.

>As a placeholder they called the baby Baby and then forgot about choosing a name, and then they were the same day in the clinic/hospital going through the list while holding their very much already born baby and being like this one? no- or this one? what about-? and the problem with having so many options was that they couldn't decide on one.

>They weren't truly that much of in a hurry, because they could name him later, but still they felt guilty because they had had several months to have that ready (literally everything had been ready for their baby's arrival, except his name)

>Finally Nimona, after taking a small peek at their list, was like, y'know what? he looks like a Cyrus, he reminds me of the sun, (bc he was wearing soft yellows and stuff, maybe, and the bed's sheets in which Ballister was lying were a light blue) and both Ballister and Ambrosius looked at their baby and considered the name. So, he's named Cyrus.

-The news refers to him as Baby Goldenheart though. Very cute baby, the public agrees on.

>Then there's the debate of which dad he looks like the most, and baby pictures are pulled from years back and they're like LOOK (posts a pic of baby Ambrosius with his Gloreth's descendant mom) THEY LOOK ALMOST IDENTICAL (and they actually do, same eyes and nose, same curlier hair and round cheeks)

>Then when he grows up, he actually looks too much like Ambrosius, but also a tad bit like Balli (it's the black hair and eyebrows).

-Even after he's all grown up, his family still calls him Baby instead of his name. And he knows that if either of his dads call him Cyrus is because he probably fucked up.

-I have a headcanon for Ballister's father, he looked almost just like Ballister but had a more hooked nose and curlier hair, but same big eyes, also had a beard and stuff. The thing is that Baby has black, curlier hair too and people think it's just like a combination between Balli's dark hair and Ambrosius' curlier hair BUT NO it's his grandpa's 😭 pipipi

(Translation) Blackheart (in my head he's Blackheart idk why ashjds maybe Boldheart had been his unmarried name, and Balli changed his to that alongside his name): My love, you're the prettiest girl with that cloak! <3 Kid Ballister: Abba, but I don't want to be the prettiest girl :c Blackheart, grabbing Balli's nose: The handsomest then! Kid Ballister: Hehe! (thinking about Bluey's laughter for this one pipipi)

>Also, know that Ballister's name was an inside joke between the two, were his abba had said he was his 'ballister' (the pillar that kept him upright) (they usually talked in Urdu, not in English, Balli had a better vocabulary than him from watching TV and going to an English-talking school), and Balli had burst out laughing, saying 'abba, it's baluster!' and his dad was like 'nope! I'm pretty sure it's ballister!' just to see his little girl still laughing.

>Anyways, then he got arrested and stuff and Balli changed his name to that, and then there's this moment a year later where, in jail, he sees his girl (now a boy) for the last time in the news, where they show him as he will start his training as knight and Blackheart's super happy because his son is actually alright (he had been worried sick about him all this time) and y'know, point is that he dies shortly after that and Ballister finds out years later when he tried looking for him D:

>(If you tell me but Kym, ballister is already the correct word, I'll tell you huh because I actually have no idea, you know I speak Spanish :'''v I tried translating Balli's name and it got corrected to baluster each time ajsdka)

>By the way, Ballister's scar over his eye is from when he had been like three and had fell against a sharp end, causing a slash and a lot of bleeding that had almost made Blackheart die from a heart attack. He had hurried to take him to the nearest health center, all while Ballister had been crying with his face all drenched in blood, and his dad had been genuinely thinking that his little girl was about to die from his carelessness (he hadn't been looking when Ballister fell).

>The slash over the eye is the reason he knows for sure that that's his child on TV, standing beside the Queen.

>Anyways, I love angsty headcanons with parents.

>Got another headcanon that Ambrosius got two moms, both don't spend much time with him from being too busy, but they love their son dearly (and y'know that Ambrosius' voice actor said that the Director was his parental figure? Maybe since his moms weren't around much, he started to look up to her as a mother and- wa, IT'S JUST I read a headcanon/theory (?) about the Director grooming Ambrosius for her benefit and it made a lot of sense 100/10).

>Ambrosius' moms are cool, although they did sort of force him to start his training to become a knight when he was of age to go into the Institute (he either went to knighthood or the family business, his knight mom (who's currently retired from knighthood and working at their family company) showed him her cool sword to lure him in, and his businesswoman mom showed him some colorful statistics- of course the sword won), but he ended up loving knighthood (despite everything), so he doesn't hold a grudge against that.

>(wait i remembered that Korean tradition of sitting babies of a certain age in front of objects so they choose one and that dictates how they'll be in the future? pipipi)

>Random headcanon, but Ambrosius is actually a blond and dyes some parts a darker color to achieve the cooler hairstyle. Also, the 'every descendant of Gloreth was/is/gotta be blonde' is interesting and gives place for analysis and stuff, but I've got this one where every descendant of Gloreth has somewhat of bunny teeth or a silly smile, and that's better in this case because I don't have to make Baby a blond- but his smile, when he's older, reminds Nimona of Gloreth's.

-Baby is a sweetheart with absolutely everyone. He smiles and coos nicely whenever people try to entertain him.

>Except with Todd. Whenever he sees him he spits up his milk and Ballister's pretty sure that it's a very weird coincidence, but Ambrosius and Nimona hold up a debate, convinced that the hate for punchable faces must be genetic and untaught, given that Todd had always been nice with Baby. Ballister throws Nimona a look and she says, my trauma, my jokes, Boss. And Ballister has to reluctantly agree and accept that he can't argue with that.

>Headcanon too that Ballister had called his father abba (looked it up and that's a fond way to call fathers in Urdu, if I'm wrong sorry :'v), until he was arrested and eventually died, so he taught Baby to call him abba too, and Ambrosius taught Baby to call him daddy, and even in adulthood he calls them that. And then there's Nimona who tried to teach him to call them Boss and Goldie, but she never succeeded.

(Imagine Nimona and Baby sat in front of eachother on the floor of the living room or something) Nimona, who had turned to look like Ballister, pointing at themself: Who am I? Baby: Abbababa- (he's a lil confused but he got the spirit, he's getting there in understanding askjdsad Ambrosius is currently Dadada) Nimona: No, Baby, Boss! Boss, say boss! :D Baby: Abbababa (happily reaching for him) Nimona: No, Boss! I'm your boss! (a cutesy tone) I'm Boss, Baby! Yeah, who's a cute baby? :D It's you! (then she got distracted and started playing with him)

-Nimona is Baby's sibling/cool aunt/mentor/bad influence/babysitter/something something. She's not a Goldenheart (and she doesn't want to be, she's just Nimona) but she's happy to be a part of their family anyway.

>They're the Goldenhearts + Nimona :''v

>Also yeah, Nimona is Ballister's sidekick/child/lil' sibling/friend/little menace/something something. The point here is that they love and care for each other very much <3

>Also, Nimona is Ambrosius' first ever, #1 hater, and he doesn't blame her for that. (They got a cool relationship though, like they like to bicker and wrestle with each other, and Nimona always wins because Ambrosius isn't very trained in fighting snakes, crocodiles or gorillas or any weird animal for that matter) Both love Ballister and that's sort of their main point in common, among other things.

-For a very long time, Baby had thought that in the world existed several pink creatures named Nimona, just as several adults named Daddy existed, and many kids like himself were named Baby. His Abba's the only one named that though, it seems. Then, when he's like three, he starts to realize that Nimona is just one person, and that apparently his Daddy and Abba's names weren't that. Abba's name wasn't even Boss, like he had suspected, and Daddy's wasn't Goldie. And then, as if that wasn't enough for the day, they tell him your name is Cyrus. Imagine his surprise.

-Baby is a daddy's boy for real and he loves both of his dads so so much :'v He also loves Nimona very dearly.

>He sees both of his dads being affective with each other and he copies that, as well as other things. Holds Balli's face to look into his eyes directly (he doesn't know that what Ambrosius does is just touch their foreheads together), he smacks his mouth against Ambrosius' face, harshly, and leaving him full of drool as he tries to bite him (doesn't know how to kiss yet, but when he figures that out he's always giving them), smacks Nimona's head with his little hands (he's trying to pet her hair, like he usually sees his abba petting the pink creatures) and all that. He's very sweet I'm telling you waa :'''v

-Ballister and Ambrosius try not to make Nimona take care of Baby too much, but Nimona herself looks for chances to take care of him.

>Also when he had been just born, of course Ballister and Ambrosius were all sleep-deprived and busy, so she would transform to look like either of them and Baby wouldn't tell the difference. If all, he was happy when all of a sudden there were two of either of his dads :''v

-Dumb headcanon that when Baby cried at night, they usually went 'ro-sham-bo' about it, and every single time they do the same hand gesture, and at the fifth or fourth (depending on how tired he is), Ambrosius will go ah fuck it >:( and just stand up himself to see what Baby needs. This happens way too much, and Ballister knows, and Ambrosius knows too. Baby doesn't but he's glad that every time he cries, it's very likely that his daddy will show up after a while.

-I'm thinking that Ballister would be that kind of dad that used to be afraid of holding his baby when they were a newborn, and then plays with them roughly when they stop being too fragile.

(Translation) First part Ballister (walking): Okay- Careful... (First day out of the clinic) Second part: Ballister: Do I throw him your way, Nimona? Nimona: Yeah, throw him!

-Ballister is one for darker clothes and all that, but when they found out about Baby, he started getting the most colorful clothes for them. Whenever he went out for whatever reason during those months, he came back with at least one piece of clothing, be it a onesie, a pair of socks, a hat, or some cute overalls. Baby's clothes drawer had already been overflowing with clothes just a few months before he had been born, and they had to get another one to fit in all the clothes because Ballister refused to stop getting more.

>Something something him only using darker clothes since he was a little kid and his dad not being able to afford him a bigger wardrobe and wanting to give Baby all the stuff he didn't have - thinking about my mom in this sense, she said she had bought me so many cute clothes when I was a baby bc she had had to share all her clothes with her sisters and their clothes had never been that nice bc of money and :'v

-Broskii I got more headcanons from when they were expecting Baby and I want to tell them all to you BUT I gotta make another post exclusively about that pipipi

-I know that the creator of Nimona said that the Institution most likely got dissolved, but I think this thing works as the cops and police of investigations and stuff, so maybe they didn't dissolve it, but rather stated new policies and values to be taught to the current knights and also to the future generations. And this change still takes a lot of time to happen but it does happen so- yippie ?

>Sorry I say this just so Ballister and Ambrosius can still be knights pipipi. Ballister is Sir Goldenheart and Ambrosius is Captain Goldenheart.

>With that, comes this thought that Nimona gave a knife to Baby once and was like, be free, my child! like taping a knife to a roomba, and then Baby used it like a sword and ran happily to show his dads that he too was cool and had a very big knife like they do when they use their shiny clothes.

>(debating this one bc yeah Nimona loves chaos and hurting people and breaking stuff but she definitely wouldn't like Baby hurting himself, but I still drew this waa I love when babies want to be like their parents)

(Papi means daddy)

-When Baby grows up, he isn't very passionate about becoming a knight (like Ballister had been) and neither of his fathers were keen on forcing him on knighthood (like it happened to Ambrosius), so he dosn't become a knight when he's older, and takes an interest in sciences (blitzmeyer mentioned?? I know her design was used for the queen, but I don't care I'll fit her here one way or another she's my fav scientist) and goes to college and all that, he also likes mechanics and overall stuff that Ballister likes.

>And it's definitely because his abba had been talking to him about this stuff whenever he could (because he loves this stuff, and even before Baby was born, and since they were supposed to talk to the baby so they could recognize their voices, Balli just rambled about this and that, and sometimes even narrated what he was currently working on and stuff :'''v Expecting Headcanons my beloveds)

>And both Nimona and Ambrosius are like: Yeah, see? Even he agrees (about him forgiving Ambrosius a tad bit too quickly, even if both knights had been manipulated and stuff), while Ballister doesn't know if to be exasperated that they don't let the topic go, or laugh because it's pretty amusing how offended Baby is in his behalf over something that happened nearly five years before he was even born.

>Eventually they have to explain everything that surrounded the whole thing and Baby feels actually a tad bit bad for getting as angry as he got at Ambrosius. He's like oops sorry daddy 🧍(I'm still petty though)

>Baby hadn't talked much until he was around three or four, usually just answering things or repeating stuff whenever his dads tried to teach him new words, but then one day he answered a very long rant from Ballister about animals (nerd, had said Nimona) with more animal facts and both Balli and Nimona were like :0 And since then Baby hadn't shut up, and he's always talking.

> Since they share interests, he and Ballister talk a lot about stuff (Balli is like nice, there's two of us now, because Nimona doesn't have it in themself to listen to him talk 23348 hours about one thing, and Baby actually responds with yapping of his own, unlike Ambrosius who is glad to attentively listen to him for hours but doesn't do much more than be receptive of the information most times pipipi) (y'know when someone is talking passionately about something that they like but you don't, but you're happy to hear them talk anyways? that thing sjdj)

(is yapping the correct word? Over at TikTok they use it as talking a lot, so I picked it from context, I hadn't really looked up if it's correctly used sdjksd)

-Baby is a simultaneous bilingual and learned English, Urdu and Korean from his dads and Nimona.

>With this, I'd think Ambrosius was one too (given that he was exposed to English and Korean since he was a baby), but Balli had had to learn English when he was past three maybe since his dad hadn't been very good at it and had mostly spoken in Urdu? Not sure how languages would work in the kingdom, but I guess it's the same as countries where there are different dialects or languages in different regions. (? La verdad no sé, toy chamuyando skjds)

-When he's 14 he gets a growth spurt as expected but then gets even taller than Ballister, and Nimona finds it hilarious (she got surpassed in height two years ago) And he was expected to be tall anyways because both his dads were tall too, but Ballister was like c'mon >:(

-When he got old enough and learned about the whole Queen's death thing, he spent the whole afternoon throwing Ambrosius angry looks, arms crossed and all. And after a beat of silence, he'd suddenly say: No, and you know what angers me the most? and then would ramble about literally everything the man had done wrong at that moment, all while Ambrosius himself nodded in agreement. Then Baby would say (to Balli): You forgave him way too quickly, abba, I would've burned his house down or- I don't know- but how?! And just like that?!

-Nimona was determined on teaching Baby all she knew, and Ballister was like yeah it's okay if he turns out like you, but turned out that Baby is the most chill kid ever actually, like he lacks this wish for mayhem that many kids have, like Nimona hoped he'd have (like she expected the antichrist/chucky or something). In execution, at least, because he has great ideas, if Nimona's willing to make them true.

Baby, about seven: Nimona, and what if *a plan in excruciating detail of the most deranged nature* Nimona: HEHE YEAH >:D Let's do it! Baby: No, but you do it :) Nimona: huh ??

>And this is because he knows that Nimona can do all this better and he thinks it's funny to watch her wreak havoc, while also not getting in trouble himself. (His dads tell him be a good kid and he's like yup I'll be a good kid c:)

-Nimona draws Baby like a little star because he's small (plus there's Ballister drawing over her drawings, thinking about him picking Nimona's drawing habits of scribbling on top whatever comes to mind)

(Nimona's saying: make your own drawings! while trying to push him away, and Ballister's laughing - their arms are like in a weird position that in my head made sense shdjdh)

-Plus here's a drawing of Nimona having cat behaviors (becoming a loaf anywhere) (ronroneo means purring).

>When Baby hadn't been born yet, she'd loaf right over Ballister's belly and simply sleep or make biscuits sometimes, and when he tried to take her off himself, she'd try to not use her claws but she'd grab against his shirt anyways, going BUT BOSS- Baby and me are chilling! And this translated as Nimona loafing on top of Baby whenever he's quiet enough, after he's born.

-I made another post about the comic versions of Ballister and Ambrosius on TikTok, and added a comic version of Baby too, following the logic on his current design (Balli's hair and eyebrows, Ambrosius' nose and eyes, and all that)

>'Papito Corazón' in other countries means a very good, diligent father (? I think), and at least in Chile is used sarcastically for men that are emotionally or financially neglectful with their children 😭 Comic Ambrosius is one at the beginning, but he becomes a better father later on, promise sdjsjd

>This Baby had a hard time recognizing Ambrosius at the beginning because they didn't spend much time together, and Baby has no object permanence yet.

>Anyway, Ballister and Ambrosius aren't a thing here, it was sort of a enemies-with-benefits kinda situation that led to Baby :'v

>(also know that I haven't read the comic yet, so if this seems ooc I agree with you, because I really don't know these characters askdjsa sorry)

-ALSO here's the first drawings I made of him before settling on this design, also it's from when I was trying to draw Nimona sjjs

>He had brown hair instead of black, but the rest is all almost the same.

And that's it so far!

If you read till here, I hope you liked it!

Have these sillies kissing, it's from a video I did 🧍 Ambrosius gives Ballister 23783 kisses and Balli gives him one (1)

Also, the limit for images is 30, which is a shame because I wanted to add more stuff sjdjsd I'll make another post if I compile enough drawings to make a big post, or make that post about them expecting Baby

(I love the Nimona mains so so much, they're 24/7 in my mind)

[gguk-n]

Racing smiles (Lewis Hamilton x Dentist!Reader SMAU)

@lh44girl suggested a dentist!reader with Lewis Hamilton. Hope I was able to do it some justice.

A/N-CONGRATULATIONS TO LEWIS ON HIS 9TH HOME WIN!! SO HAPPY!! THIS IS COULD BE LIKE A CELEBRATION SMAU!!

lewishamilton followed purepearldentalclinic & theteethwhisperer pureperaldentalclinic followed lewishamilton

lewishamilton

Liked by purepealdentalclinic and 12,567,876 others tagged purepealdentalclinic

lewishamilton I'm a huge advocate of taking care of yourself including your teeth. Got my dental problems fixed by the sweetest dentist. Do check purepealdentalclinic out. It's a new establishment, show it some of your love.

purepealdentalclinic It was delight having you. You are one of the best patients I’ve had. user 1 That million dollar smile gotta cost a pretty penny😍😍 user 2 Totally checking the dentist out if I need dental help👍 user 3 They must have great service if Lewis is recommending it himself🤔🤔 theteethwhisperer I heard the dentist there is super pretty🙈🙈 lewishamilton theteethwhisperer it seems the dentist is also quite vain😔

purepearldentalclinic

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purepearldentalclinic Glad to announce the grand inauguration of Pure Pearl Dental Clinic. We are going to be helping fix one smile at a time. Do stop by if you need any work done or just a regular check ups. The first month all the fees are discounted. The dentist incharge is Dr Y/N Y/L/N, board certified Orthodontist.

user 4 Came here bc of Lewis, looks okay I guess lewishamilton Congratulations!! wishing you all the luck for your business Liked by Author bff/user 10/10 would recommend. Kind doctor and staff.

theteethwhisperer

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theteethwhisperer It's race weekend and we had an F1 watch party!! I may or may not have closed the clinic early to watch it!!

bff/user Atleast we had fun and that's all the matter lewishamilton Next time you wanna watch a race let me know, I can get you tickets theteethwhisperer lewishamilton OMG!! PADDOCK PASSES YESSS!! friend/user We should do this again!! user 5 Lewis I want paddock passes too🥺🥺

theteethwhisperer

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theteethwhisperer I work hard and play hard #paristrip #girlstrip #dentistlife

bff/user I knew becoming friends with you in grade school was a great idea🥹🤧 lewishamilton You went to Paris without me?😒😔 theteethwhisperer lewishamilton Guess I missed the memo😳 user 6 Is it just me or does Lewis never miss a single post of hers?🤔🤔 user 7 She is pretty but like she ain't Nicole😒😒

lewishamilton

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lewishamilton On the rocks Almave

theteethwhisperer I've never barked for a man, but I guess there's a first time for everything🙂‍↕️ lewishamilton theteethwhisperer Well, there's a first time for everything. Let's see where this first time takes us😏😏 user 8 I didn't know Sir Lewis had rizz🤨🤨 user 1 Eww that girl so desperate😤😤 user 2 Why is she acting like a horny teenager? Isn't she an adult with an adult job?🙄🙄

lewishamilton

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lewishamilton The past few days have been all love. Thank you all, the energy and support means everything. Can't wait to start this season. 2024 is all us 🎯

theteethwhisperer Good luck for the season!! 8th WDC!!👊👊 Liked by the Author user 3 Good luck Lewis!! ❤️❤️always rooting for you user 4 That girl is starting to get on my nerve tbh😡😡 user 5 Can she shut the fuck up and stop being so thirsty for Lewis, we get it, he's hot. Find another man🙃🙃 user 6 Damn, shirtless Lewis does things to me🥵🥵

lewishamilton

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lewishamilton YES🍾🍾🍾 945 days since the last win and it's finally come home. SILVERSTONE I LOVE YOU. There's no crowd that deserves this more. This is love, this is family. Thank you all for the love and support. Massive shout to the team as well. Everyone in the garage and back at the factory have given long hard hours for this result. It's not been easy but it's brought us back to back wins for the team. Most importantly we didn't lose hope. We didn't give up. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU KEEP GOING. STILL WE RISE 🇬🇧🏆❤️!!!

landonorris Congrats mate👊 georgerussel63 You deserve it, mate👏 valterribottas Well done champ! theteethwhisperer Can't believe I have the most talented and hardworking boyfriend who deserves the world and this home win!! ❤️❤️So proud of babe!! 😘😘💋💋Let's celebrate once you're back😏😉 lewishamilton theteethwhisperer Can't believe I have the smartest, kindest, most soft spoken girlfriend. 😍😍Can't wait to be back in your arms❤️❤️ user 7 when did they start dating?? 🙂🙂also CONGRATULATIONS LEWIS!! 👏👏LOVE YOU❤️ user 8 can't believe this, neither the win nor the relationship announcement😭😭🤯 user 1 at least she's super smart, so like it balances out. So proud of you Lewis!! 9th home win🥵🥵❤️❤️ user 2 I didn't see this coming. I did tbh. Power couple. Dentist and GOAT of F1😘😘😭😭

[vitalverstappen]

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - P. Gasly

summary: what you thought was going to be a perfect and innocent relationship, turned out to be quite the opposite

pairing: Pierre Gasly x reader

warnings: swearing, anger issues, mood swings, angst, misogyny, toxic relationship (basically Pierre is just a complete ass in this I am so sorry I do love him)

word count: 3.4k

a/n: THIS is the fic I've been trying to get out for weeks and am so glad it's finally yours

masterlist

the tortured drivers' department masterlist

Smoke billowed through the club as you entered. Charles had invited the grid and their significant others to celebrate his Monaco win, and Pierre’s second place finish. You had been friends with Charles since you were kids, and had been dating Pierre for the past few months, so you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to celebrate both of them. 

Pierre’s hand rested on the small of your back as the two of you navigated through the sea of sweaty bodies and sticky floors. It wasn’t hard to find the group you were meeting with. Even with the music blaring through the speakers, the sound of your friends’ laughter filled the club. 

“Congrats Charles!” You said as you greeted the group 

“Thank you, darling. It means a lot to have you all here,” He replied. 

Moments later, Alexandra joined the group, somehow balancing four drinks in her hands. “I figured you guys needed to catch up” She spoke as she handed a drink to both you and Pierre. 

Everyone’s spirits were high, they always were after racing in Monaco. But there was something about your boyfriend getting on the podium for the first time in years, and his best friend winning his home race that sent a new jolt of energy through the city. Drinks continued to be thrown down late into the night. 

You found yourself sitting in Pierre’s lap, his arm around your waist, almost for stability. Both of you had way too many drinks and were starting to feel the effects. Your head was pounding, and almost everything seemed funny to you. Everything except Pierre’s jokes. 

They started harmless, joking with Charles about who was better at padel. But as the conversations shifted, they became riskier, as if he was testing to see how far his car could go without breaking. 

“Don’t even get me started on women in motorsports” Pierre began, his words slurring into another “They can’t be on the track - they cause too many problems. They need to get back in the kitchen.” 

The laughter that followed was forced, and quickly faded as your eyes met Alexandra’s. Sympathy was plastered on her face as you felt your heart sink. You were barely able to muster a smile as Pierre continued to ramble on about his questionable views, his voice growing louder with every sentence. 

“You know, you’re an excellent cook, love. You should just quit your job and cook for me. You’d be more useful that way” He smiled as he pulled you closer into him.

The laughter was stiff, and you could feel your cheeks heat up. You wanted to run out of this bar and deal with it all in the morning, but you couldn’t get yourself to leave. Alexandra’s expression turned from sympathy to worry. The same one she gave you a few months ago when you told her you started dating Pierre. 

Alexandra, Lily, and yourself had all gone out to lunch. When Charles first started dating Alexandra, the two of you clicked instantly. It was best friends at first sight. Lily was one of the first people you met in the paddock when you were a guest with Charles, and she welcomed you with open arms. 

As you went to more races, you met the rest of the drivers on the grid. Charles was the one who introduced you to Pierre, and the two of you hit it off. 

“So what’s going on with you and Pierre?” Lily asked as she took a sip of her drink. She must’ve picked up on how you hung around Alpine more and were spending less time in the Ferrari garage. 

Butterflies grew in your stomach and a giddy smile danced across your lips as you spoke. “Yeah, um we’ve been talking for a while now, actually. We made it official last week. I couldn’t be more happier” 

The reaction from your best friends wasn’t something you would’ve expected. Worry was plastered over their faces as they took in the news. The two girls shared a glance before looking back at you. 

Alexandra took your hand as she began to speak “First off, we’re happy that you’re happy. But we want you to be careful. Pierre can be…” 

“A lot sometimes.” Lily cut in 

“Yeah,” Alexandra agreed. “He can be a lot to handle. We just want to make sure you’re ready for it” 

A small smile formed on your lips as you spoke “Thank you, I’ll keep that in the back of my mind. I’ll keep you updated” 

“We’re here for you no matter what though” Lily said, “We want things to work out for you.” 

The weekend of Silverstone could not have gone any worse for either of you. It started with Pierre getting a 50 place grid drop, which you didn’t even know was possible. Then came a disastrous free practice 3 where Pierre spun out into the gravel. The final nail in the coffin was the race itself, which Pierre couldn’t even start. 

“Stupid fucking gearbox” Pierre yelled as he flung open the door to the drivers room. The boom of his voice caused you to jump out of your skin. 

“Pierre, it’s okay. It’s just one weekend” You said, trying to calm him down. 

The door slammed, causing you to get up from your seat on the couch. Pierre’s voice got louder as he got closer to you. “It’s not just one weekend. This is my career, Y/N. It is their career to get my car just right. Without them doing their job properly, I can’t do my job.”

He stood not even a foot away from you, the tension between you two thick. It was a side of Pierre you had never seen. He was an untamed fire, unruly, willing to scorch anything in his path. Pierre was a wildfire you were determined to tame. 

“I’m sorry” You whispered, taking a step back from him, needing to physically distance yourself from the fire in his eyes, “But your mechanics are human, you know. They make mistakes, just like you do. You don’t hear Oakes exploding on you when you crash or aren’t the fastest on the track.” 

Pierre was silent, but you could tell his brain was driving faster than his car as he tried to find a response. Something to say that would send a spark into his argument. Seconds turned into minutes, and as the time passed, the flames in his eyes died. His expression softened to regret and his shoulders slumped. 

“I’m sorry, chérie,” Pierre said. His voice was much softer than before, but still firm. He took a hesitant step towards you, watching your reaction closely.

A sigh left your lips as you ran your fingers through your hair “I know,” You whispered, taking a step towards him

Pierre saw his invitation to come closer, and he took it. One of his hands went to your waist, while the other brushed against your face. His callouses scratched your face as he drew hearts on your cheek, but you didn’t mind. It was a reminder of who he was - a harsh, strong man with a soft side only you got to see. This was the Pierre you were used to, not the wildfire who stood in front of you only minutes prior. 

“I can’t believe I took that out on you, mon amour” He whispered “I’m sorry I hurt you, I didn’t mean to” 

You wanted to believe him, and you could tell he was desperate for your forgiveness. But worry filled your head as your gut started to churn. Your gut was screaming to trust him; believe it was a one-off, but your head was whispering that it was a peek into his true self. He scared you, but it gave you a challenge. 

Any uncertainty you had was tossed out of the window as your gut took over. Pierre stumbled back surprised as you engulfed him in a hug. The man that traced hearts around your face was the real Pierre, not the one who was slamming doors and screaming. At least, that’s what you slowly convinced yourself as you stood there in his embrace. 

Races at the Circuit of the Americas was always your favorite. The way the American fans embraced F1 was like no other, and they adored the glitz and glam that the sport had to offer. Everything was just better, and bigger, in Texas. 

The Grand Prix itself ran smoothly. Pierre was able to get into the points, and according to him, the car ran beautifully. Unlike the race though, The car ride to the hotel was quite bumpy. 

“Pierre, slow down” You insisted. He was going at least 20 mph (32 km/h) over the speed limit, and weaving in and out of cars like he had a race to still win. 

“I know what I’m doing, y/n. Let me drive” He insisted as his knuckles turned a shade of white on the steering wheel. There was a spark in his voice you hadn’t heard in a while. One you didn’t want to hear again. 

“We are going to get pulled over if you keep driving like this.” You said. A knot grew in your stomach that tiptoed along the line of adrenaline and fear. 

A scoff escaped from Pierre’s mouth, his eyes glued to the six lane highway in front of him, “I didn’t know you drove for a living. I’m a professional. I can handle this.” 

“I know you can handle this, but the regular other people around you can’t. It’s not just you on the road. You need to be more careful.” 

The spark had ignited. “So you don’t trust me enough to be careful? You can’t handle a little danger?” He growled

You were able to get a glimpse of his eyes, and the fire you saw back in Silverstone had returned. You wanted to back down, shut your mouth and just let him drive. But you couldn’t just sit there with your life in the hands of someone like Pierre. You needed to tame the fire again. 

“I can handle danger” You bite back, the fire growing inside you “What I can’t deal with is a man willing to put his girlfriend and his lives in danger because he’s too stupid to back down.” 

Pierre didn’t say a word, but you felt the car slow until you were riding at the speed limit. His knuckles returned to his normal skin tone, and the fire in his eyes seemed to die down to a pile of ashes. 

Neither of you spoke the rest of the ride home. Tension had made itself an uninvited guest as the two of you rode. You felt the questions build up inside of you. Why do you always fight? Was being with Pierre worth stress? But you didn’t dare utter a word and risk reigniting the ashes. 

Minutes felt more like hours, but the two of you were finally back at the hotel. Pierre parked the car, neither of you daring to get out. The tension made itself quite comfortable in the backseat. 

“I’m sorry” he said quietly, “I really don’t want to fight”

You kept staring straight through the windshield, but you could feel his piercing eyes. “I don’t want to either, but you can’t keep doing this. Our lives were in danger, Pierre” 

In your peripheral, you saw him reach for your hand, once again testing the waters. Taking your eyes off of the parking spot in front of you, your gaze met Pierre’s, and so did your hand. 

“I don’t want to lose you. I’ll do better. I promise” He said 

All you could do was nod, and the two of you left the car, and silently went up to your hotel suite. 

The ashes from the fight before had blown away. You were laying on Pierre as some sitcom played on the TV, as if nothing happened only hours prior. 

“I’m sorry” Pierre mumbled as he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead 

“I forgive you” You said, lifting your head to look at him, “We just need to work on being there for each other”

“Yeah, we can do it” He said 

Even in the dim light of the common room of your hotel suite, you could see the fire in his eyes. Except this time, it wasn’t the same unruly fire you had seen earlier in the day. It was much warmer, almost a welcoming flame. 

You leaned in, connecting Pierre’s lips with yours. He immediately kissed you back, as if he were expecting it, and pulled you up so you were sitting on him. 

The kisses turned sloppier as hands traveled around each other’s bodies. It was territory you were familiar with, but hadn’t explored in a long time. Desperation fueled you both, longing for your need to connect again.

“Good boy” You managed to breathe out as you pulled away from him “Come close, amour”

“Yes?” Pierre asked as he leaned in. His forehead pressed against yours, as his mouth almost gasped for air. 

“I’ll show you Heaven if you’ll be an angel for me tonight” You whispered 

“All night?” He asked, a smirk dancing on his lips. Only he would push the limits.

“All night” You confirmed 

“I think I can arrange that. Anything for you, ma bien-aimée,” He said as he got off of the couch, carrying you in his arms, into the bedroom. 

The rest of the season carried on just like that. Heated arguments, moments of regret, and reconciling through the intimacy of silk sheets and pillow talk. 

It was a lot, to say the least. You found yourself walking on eggshells, dancing around the embers of Pierre. You were smart enough to know that playing with fire is dangerous, you were simply biding your time until you got burned.  

You thought winter break would ease the struggles the two of you were facing. Pierre wouldn’t be traveling all around the world, so the both of you would have the time to work more on the relationship. 

However, you couldn’t be more wrong. Being so close to each other led to more and more fighting. Whether Pierre was stressing himself out too much about the upcoming season, or if you were too tired to cook for a night, everything turned into a battle. 

The most recent fight led you down the street to Charles and Alexandra’s door. Mascara ran down your face as you stood in the hall, hoping someone would come to the door. 

“Y/n, what happened? Are you okay?” Charles asked as he opened the door. 

Words formed in your head, but you couldn’t get yourself to speak. Everytime you tried, sobs filled their place. 

“Here, come in.” Your old friend said, ushering you into his apartment. He led you to the couch where he called for his girlfriend. 

“Yes Cha- oh girl what happened?” Alexandra said as she noticed your presence in the apartment

Charles went to the kitchen and quickly made you a cup of tea. In between sobs, you recounted the fight to your friends. Retelling how the night started beautifully. You had made him his favorite dinner, were laughing and joking around, but one wrong word from you led to the whole night catching aflame. 

Neither Charles or Alexandra interrupted as you talked. They sat and listened to your story beginning to end, worry and concern growing on their faces as you spoke. 

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry” Alexandra finally said once your story had finished

You shook your head “It’s fine. It’s what comes with fixing a man like him. A lot of fires just need to be doused.” 

Concerned glances were exchanged between the couple, with a long silence following. The only sound came from the slurping of the hot tea into your mouth. 

“Y/n, do you think maybe you can’t fix him?” Charles finally asked as he rested his hand on your back. 

“I have to though” You replied “If I don’t he’ll terrorize another girl and it’ll be awkward for all of us since we’re both friends with you-” 

“But what about yourself, y/n?” Alexandra asked 

You paused. What about yourself? The relationship took so much out of you, that you never stopped to think about yourself. 

“I don’t know” Was all you were able to whisper out “I pushed myself away trying to help him” 

“You need to think about yourself. No matter how much you love Pierre, you need to prioritize your health and your safety.” Alexandra said 

She was right. You were so consumed in the adrenaline rush of trying to help Pierre get better, that you were too blind to realize your own fire was smoldering out. Maybe you couldn’t fix him. 

Alexandra and Charles insisted on you staying the night at their place. As much as you wanted to argue, you knew it was too late and you were too tired to go back to Pierre. So, you made yourself as comfortable as you could in their guest bedroom. The weight of trying to figure out how you’re going to end things with Pierre resting on your shoulders. 

“So how was your night?” Pierre asked as you made your way through the door to your apartment. He was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, just like he did every morning. 

“Could’ve been better” You said, going to the bedroom to change out of your clothes from the night before. Once you were done, you found yourself sitting at the counter watching Pierre cook.

“You were gone for a while. Who were you with?” He asked, concern lacing his words

“Charles and Alexandra” You answered

His eyebrow raised, curious, “What were you three doing all night?” 

“Just… talking” You said. It wasn’t a lie, the three of you had been talking, but you didn’t dare mention what about. 

“Really?” Pierre laughed. Disbelief spread across his face as he turned to face you. 

“Do you not believe me? What else would I possibly be doing?” You asked

The spark you had seen off and on all season relit in Pierre’s eyes, and this time, you were ready to play.

“Are you serious?” He asked “You come home wearing the same clothes from the night before, makeup all over your face. You look like you haven't slept all night. I can’t believe you’re going to act like I’m the stupid one.” 

Getting up from your chair, you scoffed, taken aback from his comments. “You really are gonna accuse me of cheating? I have done nothing but love and support you since we got together.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” He asked, his voice growing harsher 

“Call them.” You yelled “Call Alexandra and Charles and ask them. They’ll tell you that I was with them all night. I slept in their guest bed, with Leo. They’ll tell you that’s all that happened.” 

“They can lie too, you know. They’re not saints. I need you to prove it to me.” Pierre yelled back

It was hopeless. He wasn’t going to take any answer of yours for the truth. No matter how much you tried to extinguish the fire, it was only going to grow. 

And you were tired. Tired of the constant fighting. Tired of calming him down. TIred of trying to save the day. 

You sighed, throwing your arms up in the air, your eyes pricked as water began to fill in their corners. “Fine. Believe what you want. I thought I could fix you, Pierre. I thought I could help you with your issues. Calm you down. Help you be a better person. I thought I could fix you, but maybe I can’t”

Pierre’s expression immediately softened as he stepped towards you, his voice barely a whisper, “What are you saying, chérie?”

“I’m saying I’m done. I can’t keep doing this for my own sake. It’s doing nothing but hurting me” You said “I’m sorry. I’ll pack my things and go. I’ll see you around”

You found yourself back at Charles and Alexandra’s doorstep, just like the day before. Except this time, there was no crying. No smudged mascara. No feeling like your world was crashing down. The weight that was crushing you was finally lifted. The fire was gone. 

“Are you okay?” Alexandra asked as she opened the door

A small smile formed on your lips, a glimmer of hope reappeared, “Yeah, I will be” 

[l1vchuu]

resentment. part three

!! warnings: slight mentions of sh, angst, slow burn, strong language.

And Simon stood there, in silence. The slight yellow rays of the rising sun filled the now empty room- well, half empty. The walls- before filled with your favorite music artists and films, your bed- once piled with your fluffy little animals from Ikea and sheets- once warm and packed with your scent. Now everything was empty and dull- just like the way he had treated you the past few months.

His mind went blank- was he hallucinating? Were you there?

He looked around again, his gaze had sharpened. Did you request to have your own room? Where the hell were you? Why didn't you tell him?

Ghost closed the door behind him, making his way to Price's office- maybe he will tell him.

As the elevator closed its' doors behind him, he strode to the Captain's door, knocking three times before entering.

"Good morning, L.T."

"Good morning, Captain."

Price looked at the sight in front of him- a tall, masked, tired man. He knew what he was going to ask him- and he knew damn well how to answer.

Simon stood there, quite hesitant to ask the thing he had been thinking of- actually, he hadn't prepared the question at all- so the silence filled the room again until Price spoke up.

"She took a break- you will have your own room for a while."

A break? Ghost thought to himself.

"How long?"

Price took a sip from his coffee.

"A month. For now."

A month? A week or two- fine- but a month?

"Is there a particular reason-"

"No reason included."

Price turned to face him.

You and Ghost made quite the pair ever since they introduced him to you. You were always his sparring partner, and so was he. He only ate food if you were around, and so did you. You only accepted a mission only if he was there, and so did he.

After years of being friends and colleagues, you two became inseparable- which meant that absolutely everyone on the team knew that something was wrong. And only one person was to blame, right?

The Captain sighed, nodding his head slightly- a habit of his.

"You don't know, do you?"

Simon's head perked up.

"Know what?"

"She fainted yesterday. She was on the bed for a long time- and she basically looked like a corpse."

Price put his mug down.

"Look, Riley. I'm not the one to get into this mess- but I'm sure the others won't tell you, so I will. The nurse wrote that she fainted out of exhaustion- but that won't explain the cuts and bruises on her body, right? Did you even notice her change in behavior?"

Simon gulped.

"No, I didn't."

"You didn't notice anything? Nothing?"

"No."

Price massaged his temples.

"Our job is to make sure that our soldiers are in good shape and health, Riley. And she is one of our best."

Simon sighed. His mind was blank. Truly. Blank.

"I know, Captain. I've been on night shifts a lot and-"

"We all know what the real reason is, Lieutenant. Drop the excuses."

Price interrupted him, his tone was stricter now.

"Again, what I was saying was- You can't keep doing this. We can't let this team break the trust we have built for years. If one person goes down, so do the others. Understand?"

"Yes, Captain."

"I don't know what happened, and it is not my place to do so. I'm saying this as a regular person- try to fix whatever the fuck is going on."

Simon stayed still and silent. His eyes looked tired, but his gaze was strong.

Price sighed again, motioning him to the door.

"This is not a good thing, son. You have a month to figure it out."

As Simon stepped to the door, Price followed behind him.

"And you better pray she won't fucking quit in the meantime."

These were the last words Price had said before Simon left the office.

-

You arrived at the airport, a place you hadn't seen in a long time. You didn't notify anybody of your arrival because you needed to be alone- you wanted to be alone.

You took a ride to your college apartment, glad that it is still for rent. As the taxi passed through the streets, the trees danced to the wind and the sunlight flew through the air. It was about 8 am and the shops were just opening their doors to the public.

The taxi stopped in front of the apartment complex. You paid the driver and got your things to your old apartment without any worries.

You finally had time- time to think everything through and manage your feelings, time to heal.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, it was the first time you paid any attention to your appearance and you barely recognized it. Your eyes were swollen and empty, your skin was pale and dry, your arms were scratched up- a habit you had when you felt nervous, and your thighs had bandaids.

You had forgotten about it- you hoped you never remembered it. A few weeks ago you almost began an argument with Ghost, but it just ended up with you staying alone in the bathroom, your tactical knife in your hands, and a whole lot of tears and physical pain. You never resolved problems this way, never. Self-inflicted wounds are something you hadn't done to yourself ever since high- school. So you thought about it- Why did I react like that?

You cleaned and stitched up your wounds after you had showered- your skin was hot and soft from the boiling water. It was quite frankly the first time you had taken such a long shower- but it helped you calm down.

Laid in your bed, bags scattered all over the place, you looked at the ceiling and thought about the upcoming month. What were you going to do? Well, you had money from your last paycheck- so you didn't need to worry about that, you need to do something to get you out of your mind, just like the old high school times. What did you do in order to forget about everything? Oh yeah, you joined the military.

There were many other things you could do- maybe go to see a therapist. No, not a good idea. Why? What will I say to them, I don't know what I'm feeling. We'll figure that out.

Jokes aside, you genuinely didn't know how you felt. What was it that bothered you? Why did you feel like that? Absolutely. no. fucking idea.

You hated everything around you, about you, including you. You felt like crawling out of your skin and existing without being perceived as a living person. You felt like a piece of flesh, slowly rotting into the ground, hoping for the bugs to come and consume you whole. You wish to be buried deep into the earth's core, maybe the warmth will be enough to comfort you. You prayed that one day people would walk through you as if you never existed. You prayed that one day people would say your name and not have you in their minds. You didn't want to exist.

But on the other hand, you wanted people to think about you and notice you. You wanted to be taken care of, to be perceived as a human with feelings. You wanted to be held and have sweet things whispered into your ear. You wanted people to smile as you passed by, people to remember little details about you. You wanted people to think about you when you weren't around.

Everything was so confusing to you at the moment. You stared at your empty phone, looking at all of the names of people who you used to talk to before. You weren't allowed any contact with your teammates if you were away- no calls, no messages, no emails. The only way they could possibly make any contact with you is through letters. Will someone write to me? you thought to yourself. Yeah, you said to Price that you didn't want him to notify anyone of your leave- but surely someone would've noticed by now, right? Will someone notice my absence?

But you were away. You were away from the base, away from all of the oils and gunpowder, away from the ink and the papers, away from the tablets and computers, away from the stingy coffee and oatmeal, away from the ripstop and the uniforms, away from the steel and guns. Away from everything.

The first thing that you could try to fix was your eating habits. You barely ate a meal a day for a month and your body was begging for it. But it wasn't going to be easy, of course. You still couldn't bring yourself to have any type of appetite. You still felt the salty taste of your tears on your tongue, and you could feel shivers down your spine. Maybe you could go grocery shopping? Maybe that could help.

You lazily stepped out of your bed, put on casual clothes, and headed out the door with nothing in mind- you'll figure it out.

-

It was a normal day at the base. Everyone was doing their daily routines and their assigned work, training, or planning any new missions. It was the quiet season- there wasn't anything crazy going on, which meant that the atmosphere was lighter than usual. It was everybody's favorite time of the year, except Christmas or Halloween.

Simon was sitting in his shared office, his desk being next to Kyle's. It wasn't a normal day for him though, his mind wandered all around you.

Ghost has suffered through most of his life, given the fact that all of his family was murdered because of him, and he has been imprisoned and tortured by a Mexican cartel. In papers, he is often marked as dead and he constantly wears a mask in order to protect his identity and uses it to cope with his traumas. He often has nightmares and hallucinations, which you used to help him with- would it be staying all night talking or maybe distracting yourselves with movies. He has a long history of disorders, which was the reason why you and he got so close. You coped together, you brought comfort to each other. He was the first person on the team that you got comfortable enough with to share your past, and so did he. It wasn't pity that brought you guys together- it was genuine coping and the need to get better, you healed together.

And there he sat, knowing the fact that he had possibly ruined all the progress you had made.

.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.☆.｡.:

Heya! This part was short, for which I apologize- it's supposed to be more of a 'filler', in order to get the emotions flowing in. But don't worry, part 4 will come shortly after, with more action and sadness! (just kidding, or..?) If you liked this part, make sure to like or reblog <: See you next time, lovelies <33

[hyunfilms]

blue side of the sky (lmh) | eighteen.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.

—pairing: lee know x f. reader

—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.3k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, heart to heart with jisung, flashback scene which also includes a heart to heart with jisung, pachi just tries to keep it real for his bestfriends

A few weeks have passed, maybe close to a month or so, and you haven't really spoken to Jisung. You have, but it was clear that he was respecting your space and preventing himself from being too overbearing. You're glad the message came across your friends clearly; however, today, you find yourself missing your bestfriend and eager to talk to him.

You believe you're ready to face Jisung.

"Mrs. Pak, I'm just going to take a call outside. I'll be right back." 

"Of course. Take your time, sweetheart." She smiles just as you step outside the back door, pulling out your phone to call Jisung. You kick at the leaves beneath your feet, the line ringing about 3 times before you hear Jisung rustling in the background.

"Hey." Jisung answers on the other line. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good pachi."

"Good. What's up then, cielo?"

"Can we talk later?"

"We can always talk."

"No, I mean about everything."

"Oh, okay." He clears his throat. "Yeah, of course. If you're ready to."

"I think I am. At least, with you."

"Fair. Do you want me to pick you up? We can grab food and just hang out somewhere."

"That sounds good. I'm at work right now, I won't be off until later today."

"Just text me when you're off. I'll come."

"Okay. Thanks, pachi. I'll see you later."

"Have a good day at work, and take your breaks." He says before keeping the call short and ending it there. You walk back into the shop, tucking your phone into the little apron pocket you have on the front. 

"Everything okay?" Mrs. Pak asks as she fixes a few of the displays in store.

"Kind of?"

"You haven't really talked to your friends?"

"Not really, except Jisung. Chan and Seungmin every now and then about something random."

"Are you sure you've been doing okay?"

"I don't know, Mrs. Pak. I'm trying to give myself the time I need, and I'm trying to give myself the distance I need. It gets difficult when they're all I've known, even now."

"I'm sure they understand. You guys are so young, you're still learning about life and how to navigate the toughest storms."

"Yeah, perhaps." You fiddle with a few stems as you rearrange flowers in a vase. "I'm gonna talk to Jisung later, though. About everything."

"Don't force yourself out of obligation."

"I know." You give her a small smile. "I think I'm ready."

"Good, as long as you are." She gives you a small squeeze on the arm. "I know he is your bestfriend and I know he's only trying to protect you." She continues to look at you. "What about Minho?" You pause and look at her, giving her a tight, pursed smile.

"I don't know. I think I'll talk to him soon, too. But, I don't think I'm ready to keep him close." You let out a breath. "It sucks, but I just don't think I'll be ready to for awhile."

"That's okay, love. If he truly wants to be here for you and grow from his mistakes, he will give you that time without question."

"I hope so, Mrs. Pak."

After your shift, you can already see Jisung's car parked around the corner— his music slightly echoing into the alley. You clean up and quickly close up shop, waving to Mrs. Pak as the both of you go your separate ways.

"Thanks for picking me up, Ji." You softly say as you buckle in and let out a breath, hoping the ride won't be too bad [or awkward]. 

"No biggie. Wanna just grab some bowls at the milk tea place?" You already know what he's talking about, so you nod and let Jisung take over. 

"That sounds good."

"How was work?"

"It wasn't too bad."

"Tired?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"I won't keep you out for long so you can get rest."

"It's alright, pachi. I appreciate it, though." You look at him as you lean back against the head rest, slight exhaustion taking over during the calming car ride. Jisung gives you a small smile before shifting his attention back to the road. He can tell you're tired, and he knows you've got a million things running through your mind right now.

But, he's mainly concerned arriving to the destination in one piece and getting this much-needed conversation done. He really misses his bestfriend and he truly hopes you aren't mad at him anymore— though, he would understand if you still needed space.

Upon arriving to the milk tea place, Jisung has to circle a couple of times before he finds a decent parking spot. It's pretty packed inside for the early evening, and it takes about 20 minutes before you're walking out with food and drinks in your hand.

Jisung decides he wants to head to the beach to eat since the weather seems to be cooperating tonight. He increases the music volume a tad bit, humming along as he drives off to the shoreline.

Luckily, the beach is quite empty— giving you and Jisung the peace and solace needed for the conversation that's about to happen. Jisung takes the bags of food in his hand even though you offer to help haul some. You take the lead towards the bench, plopping onto a criss-crossed position just as Jisung takes a seat next to you and sets the bag on the floor. The night sky is clear, though it's a bit cold and there's a slight breeze that adds onto it. But, Jisung offered his extra jacket from the back of his car earlier as an added layer of protection from the cold— making it all the less unbearable. Jisung unpacks the food and hands you your bowl before settling with his. The both of you quietly eat and look out at the view before you manage to break the silence first.

"Thanks for the food, pachi."

"Of course." He smiles. "You must be hungry. Eat up."

"I'm okay, surprisingly." You dig into your bowl and take another bite. "How's everyone been at home?"

"Everyone's been alright. Busy. We haven't really had time to get together and eat. I guess everyone's taking on more than usual lately."

"Busy is good. But, not too busy. I hope you guys are still eating and getting proper rest." Jisung shrugs.

"We try." He turns to you. "What about you? How have you been feeling?"

"I don't know, honestly." You let out a small sigh, making Jisung shift his attention back to you— cheek full of food. "I'm still trying to process everything that happened with Minho. It sucks, and I know it was all in the past. But, it still hurts to know that he was capable of doing that. I just, I know—" You sigh and shake your head, Jisung finally taking a sip of his water after finally going through his last bite of food. "I'm rambling. I should've known that even the person I love the most is capable of doing the most damage. Maybe I should've known better."

"It's not your fault, Y/N. None of this was your fault." Jisung pauses before continuing. "It's true you could find both qualities in the person you love, but over the years, there was no reason for you to believe that. Minho had always been good to you. It's just unfortunate that he made some sudden, impulsive decisions based off of his current feelings at the time without really thinking about it."

"Mm yeah, I think what hurts the most is that he made me an option. I went from being his priority to an option. A second choice. Even though I think.. I did my best in our relationship. Right? I tried?" Jisung gives you a tiny toothless smile with a nod.

"Of course you did. You always did. So, that's just to say, this wasn't your fault. Don't start thinking about where you could've done better, or what you could've improved. There was nothing. You gave it your all."

"I don't really know what this brings for us, and I think that's also what's hurting me." You pick at your food. "Our timing is incredibly off. I just wish he told me before I started—" You let out a breath before looking at Jisung, bottom lip trembling. "Before I started letting him in again." And Jisung knows exactly what that means. Before your feelings started to [re]surface, before you got too comfortable, too safe. "My feelings were strong, and I thought he had easily become my safe space. That he was always my safe space. Think I could be wrong." Your head drops again.

"I'm sorry, cielo. I wish I did more to prevent this from happening, and I'm sorry I didn't. I knew it was wrong, but I—" He sighs. "I was trying to be neutral because I didn't wanna be in your business. Plus, even if I told him he needed to tell you sooner than later, I couldn't force him. You needed to hear this from him and no one else. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I hope you understand my point of view but please also know that I tried everything within my boundaries. Chan and Seungmin did, too."

"I know, pachi. I know." You give him a gentle squeeze on the wrist. 

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad."

"You have every right to be mad."

"I'm not." You chuckle a bit.

"Okay." Jisung smiles.

"But, I probably won't talk about this out loud again for a while."

"W-what about Minho?" He hesitates to ask.

"To be honest, I don't think I'll talk to him for awhile." You say lowly, feeling incredibly sad hearing the statement slip through your lips. But, you know it has to be done. You're not ready, and you don't want to force anything.

It's just incredibly sad because you do have feelings for him. 

You do have love for him.

If that love prevails though, if you two were meant to be in this time, he'd be there in the end. He'd understand you, he'd wait for you, he'd let this fall into place when it should.

If it should.

It adds onto the pain to think about, knowing there's a possibility this could go either way. But, this was your second chance at life, another reason to do you, for you.

"I understand." Jisung swallows the lump in his throat, remembering that time when you came to him right before you got back together with Minho.

☁︎ FLASHBACK

"Here." Jisung hands you your milk tea before sitting in the chair next to you.

"Thanks, pachi." You poke your straw in through the lid, eyes gazing back up at the stars. The night sky is clear, though it's a bit chillier than normal. You have a blanket wrapped around you while Jisung has on a thick jacket, a scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Where's Minho?"

"Dance workshop."

"Hm, okay." Jisung sits back comfortably and joins you in looking up at the stars. "So, how did your talk with him go?"

"It was good. He told me he wanted to get back together, but he said he'd wait."

"I mean, that's on you, cielo." You furrow your brows.

"Greatest advice."

"I'm serious." He shrugs. "Listen, I know he's been really trying and it's obvious that his actions are genuine. That he wants you back. I know he means it. But, do you feel ready?"

"I don't know, Ji. I think so. I miss him, too." You look at him while sipping your milk tea. "He has shown it through his actions over time."

"As long as you're ready." Jisung lets out a breath. "He was stupid. But, to be devil's advocate, I know he loves you and cares about you at the end of the day. May not have been the right way to go about things, and it's terrible he had to learn the hard way. But, he is trying. I can see it."

"Yeah. I guess we're just one of those couples." You make a face, and Jisung chuckles. "Shit is definitely not easy."

"Mm. Gross." You punch Jisung on the bicep and he laughs. "Kidding, dude."

"Do you think he truly loves me?"

"I don't know if I can answer that, cielo. Do you feel like he does? Can you really see it through his actions? Love is an action, it should be shown. It should be felt. Not just through words."

"I do."

"Then, that's what matters between you two. You love him, right?"

"Mhm. I don't think I stopped. Even when it hurt me the most."

"I'm sorry. I know. You've always shown it in your actions, I don't think Minho has ever questioned it. He's lucky. I hope he realizes it and sticks with it." The two of you stay silent for a bit.

"Jisung?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think he really had feelings for Kat?"

"Uh." He sighs. "I don't think so. I honestly just think it was infatuation at its peek."

"Hm." You hum, not really wanting to revisit that part of the past again. "Are you two better now?"

"Me and Minho?" You nod. "I guess, yeah. Took me awhile to not be angry and annoyed with him."

"What changed?"

"Well. You know how sometimes, you get tired from being mad at someone? Like, you literally feel exhausted and just over it? I think it was that. Plus, he's my bestfriend, too. I kinda missed our dumb moments together." You chuckle. "Besides, again. I can tell he's trying to make up for his mistakes, and he hasn't stopped putting in the effort." He sips his milk tea. "I know it's inevitable for things to happen, and things will never be perfect. I just want him to keep his word about taking care of you and being that person for you."

"Thanks, Ji."

"I got you. Always."

"What I do without you? For real." He sits back with a smug smirk on his face.

"Finally asking the right questions." You roll your eyes and pinch his thigh, making him yelp in return.

☁︎ END

"Can I just say something?" He looks at you. "About him?"

"Of course."

"He was really stupid, okay? The decisions he made were so dumb, and I was angry at him for awhile because I trusted him to take care of you. Protect you. But, on the other hand, I know he has been trying to do better. He's owned up to his mistakes and I can tell he really wants to try. He doesn't wanna end up in that situation again. I know he's trying." Jisung repeats at the tail end, making you let out a breath. "That's not to say that you shouldn't take your time or that you should listen to me when it comes to making decisions. Because I know you have feelings for him, and I know you have always loved him. Just know that either way, I know Minho will try for you— whether as your bestfriend or boyfriend, whatever it looks like down the road. You do what's best for you and what feels right, okay?"

"I know, Ji. I will." 

"He'll understand. He's not the best with openly communicating that sometimes, but he will." You nod.

"Has he been okay?"

"Mm. Deep down, I know he isn't. But, he will be. He's quieter and keeping himself busy at the café or at the studio. Doesn't really do or say much otherwise."

"Is he getting enough rest and stuff?"

"I think." Jisung chuckles. "You don't have to worry too much, he's gonna be okay. For real. He has three other housemates, we'll keep him in check."

"Thanks." You give him a tiny smile.

"Come." Jisung sets his food down before standing and opening his arms. You laugh and shake your head, embracing your bestfriend and hugging him tightly. If it's one thing you can appreciate about this entire moment, it's the fact that Jisung remains unchanged; to you, to Minho. He will always be there to support you. He will always be there to support Minho. Yet, he will always give you that extra push, that extra reassurance to do what's right for you. He has always been your other half— someone you equally love and can't stand, someone you turn to on good days and bad days, someone you know who will be there to help you relearn the world one step at a time.

Jisung is your bestfriend and you have no idea where you'd be without him.

"Ji?"

"Mhm?" You feel his chest rumble with the response.

"Thank you. I mean it." You pull back and look at him.

"When have you not meant it?" He raises a brow, making you chuckle.

"No, for everything. For being there in the hospital. For helping get re-acquainted with the world slowly but surely. For your patience. For being so kind." You shrug. "Everything. Uncle Adrian has always taken good care of me, but I truthfully don't know where I'd be without you by my side, too."

"It's nothing." Jisung laughs. "I promised your mom I'd always look out for you." You nod silently before hugging him again.

"I hope things between me and Minho will be okay."

"It will be." You two finally part and sit back down to finish eating, the waves crashing against the shore ahead. "In time, it will be." He repeats before finishing up his food and updating you about work [amongst other things]. By the time you both have finished eating, you take a small walk down the pier before heading back to the car. Jisung turns up the heat, putting up his music as he makes his way to your house. 

When he finally pulls up, he takes a minute to say his hello's to Uncle Adrian— subtly raiding his fridge before Uncle Adrian laughs at his attempt. Eventually, he ends up giving Jisung some food he had made; telling him the food is good for tomorrow and to share with his roommates. Jisung thanks him and walks you to your cottage, giving you one last hug before waddling over to his car.

When Jisung gets home, Seungmin is in the living room just about to pop open his to-go container. There are still no signs of Chan or Minho, and the house is quiet despite the low hum of the TV in front of them.

"Yo. Where'd you come from?" Seungmin mixes his bibimbap, eyes glued to the TV as the show he's watching comes back on after a commercial break. 

"Just finished hanging out with Y/N." Jisung tosses his keys to the side and plops onto the couch next to him. "Nice to see you sitting here instead of being in your room." He teases and Seungmin shakes his head.

"Sorry dude, I've been exhausted lately." He takes a bite. "Did you eat with Y/N?"

"Mhm."

"How is she?"

"Good."

"Is she still mad? You know.. at me, Chan and Minho?"

"Well, it's really Minho. It's just.. a lot for the both of them."

"I hope she knows we care about her a lot."

"She does. She just needs time from him. Needs to sort through her feelings and process everything."

"Understandable." Seungmin clears his throat. "How do you feel about it?"

"I mean, I obviously want the best for them. I know they've had their ups and downs, but they always seem to find their way back to each other again. Maybe they are meant to be in each other's lives, however it looks like?" He does a slight shimmy. "I don't know. I just want them happy and content again, even if they're just friends."

"Yeah, I agree. I'm glad she's okay though."

"Yeah, she's good." Jisung sits next to Seungmin for a bit, casually watching the show while catching up with Seungmin for a bit more. 

After all the recent events, Jisung is happy to have you back because he knows they put you through it with this situation alone. You are his bestfriend, his other half— having you there to talk to, vent to, run to, was always second nature. Not having you there made him feel lonely and incomplete. It wasn't something he was used to, and quite frankly, it's something he doesn't ever wanna get used to.

⇢ 18.5 [cloudy days]: here

♡ taglist: @ppiri-bahng @jihanlovic @meloncremesoda @sweetlikecherry @asjkdk @hoes4lino @skzddicted @skzho @edgaralienpoe @harui-zen @bestleeknowstan @havenwithleeknow @septicrebel @heesdazed @borahae-reads @yoontaethings @pearbunny @bintificreads @lukeys-giggle @ajxreads @everglowdaisies @allaboutsan @endzii23 @leeknowsramen @heres-your-ramen2000 @morningstardada @mal-lunar-28 @downbadreading @lilysophie @feelikecinderella @urmomma0324 @ddazed-lhs @djeniryuu @melanctton @i8rsie @maru-matt @sleepyleeji @taerifin @nattisbored @jisunglyricist @m111nho @drhsthl @nixtape-foryou @arminseas @guiltycoco @syuuji @sulkygyu @cadihyo @reianagarcia @leeknowyah @smndjdufuehr @dprkbyn @xxibreinaxx @mxnsxngie @reiheis @mellowmentalitydragon @vixensss 

[honeybeefae]

Hi lovely,

Congrats on 2K, so happy for you!!!! I really loved the Eris starfall prompt you did a while back, woudl you consider writing another Eris starfall piece (not picky about what's in it, go wild <3)?

love,

anon

(p.s. this is health issues anon, I've fully recovered thanks to bedrest and the magical medicine of Dr. Ben and Jerry, and thank you for giving me the fanfiction to rebinge ever since I joined the ACOTAR fandom you were one of my first favourites and it's stayed)

(This was so cute to write and I literally was kicking my feet and giggling the entire time. I hope you enjoy it and I am SO happy to hear you are recovered fully and I'm kicking my feet again about me being one of your favorites thank you sm that means so much <3 <3)

Starfall Wishes (Eris Vanserra x Reader)

WARNINGS: None, pure fluff :) 

“Stop moving, I’m almost done!” You chastise the little girl in front of you as she wiggles from side to side. She’s practically vibrating with excitement as you pin the last emeralds into her hair, making sure everything was in its place before you turned her around to face the mirror.

“Wow…” She gasped, standing up on the chair to admire the way her dress shimmered and shined. “I look just like you, mama!”

“I think you are far more beautiful, Scarlett.” You smile lovingly, helping her off the chair. “I think your daddy will think so too.”

“I can’t wait to see him! He promised me a dance!” She said gleefully, bounding out of the bedroom and towards the door. “I can’t believe I finally get to come with you! And I get to see Nyx and Valerie!”

“It’s going to be a big night.” You nod along as she continued raving about the party, barely stopping to take a breath. “Are you sure you can handle staying up this late? Our ride was long this morning.”

“I’m fine, I’m not a baby,” Scarlett said with a huff, crossing her arms and pouting. “Can we go now? I don’t want to be late!”

“You need to learn patience, my love. We are a few feet from the party so I doubt we can be late.” You point out while fixing your lipstick, sighing when she starts tugging on your skirts.

“I can hear Nyx and Valerie playing already!” She whined, already on the verge of a meltdown as you rolled your eyes and slid on your heels. The sun had already dipped past the horizon and you realized that Eris was still nowhere to be seen.

“Do you know where your father is?” You asked her, rubbing your temple when she shrugged her shoulders and opened the door. “I suppose he will be late once more.”

The trip to the balcony was short and you barely had enough time to open the door before Scarlett ran past you and into the arms of her two friends. Nyx was growing up as handsome as his father with the kindness of his mother, his little smile making you wanna pinch his cheek as he gave you a wave. 

Valerie was a spitfire all on her own. She had Cassian’s wings but the rest of her, save for the curly dark hair, was pure Nesta. She was the ringleader of the three musketeers as you called them. You gave her a nod as she passed you by, offering you the same as the trio immediately went to the food.

“I think they have the right idea.” Feyre chuckled as she wrapped you in a tight hug, your large belly bumping against her own. It had been quite a shock for both of you to find out you were pregnant again so soon, especially simultaneously, but it seemed to have brought you closer.

“Right? I swear I’m carrying twin boys with the way I’ve been eating.” You grinned, smiling at Rhys as he came up behind Feyre and pulled her into his body. “I see your belly hasn’t gotten in the way of you two.”

“It could never,” Rhys smirked, kissing her ear and making her giggle. “I see your mate is not around. Is the High Lord going to skip out on you once again?”

You frowned and looked towards the door. “He wouldn’t miss Scarlett’s first Starfall. It’s all she’s been talking about for months.” 

“Of course, of course.” He assured, though you could hear the tension in his voice. “I’m glad they all have each other to grow up with. Nyx adores Scarlett.”

“Scarlett feels the same.” You say while turning your attention back to your daughter. “She’s recently asked if he and Valerie can come on a hunting trip with us.”

“I don’t know if I trust the lot of them with weapons just yet,” Cassian said, coming out of nowhere with Nesta by his side. “Valerie has been eyeing our blades for a while and I cannot lie, I’m slightly afraid of that.”

“I seem to recall you having the same reaction when I train with you, though I think it’s because you get knocked on your ass every time.” Nesta snickered, her eyes warm as Cassian rolled his eyes at her dig.

“Like mother like daughter.” He replied with a smile, red siphons glowing as the sky grew darker. “Is Eris not coming?”

“He is.” You said a little too quickly, placing a hand atop your bump as you tried not to stress. “He must have gotten caught up with something.”

“Do you want us to go look for him?” Rhysand asked, noting your anxious stance. “I’m sure he’s fine but we can find him with ease.”

Your mouth twists upwards in contemplation, looking around the party once more before shaking your head. “I don’t want you to miss it. He knows where he is supposed to be.”

“Right by your side, as always.” Eris’s smooth voice purrs into your ear, making you jump in surprise. You turn to face him and lightly slap him on his arm, your eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“You are late, sir.” You say through your teeth, nodding towards Scarlett. “You almost missed her first Starfall. She even picked out a dress to match mine.”

Scarlett turned when she heard him, her face lightening up in happiness as she abandoned whatever game they were playing to leap into her father's arms.

“Daddy, daddy!” She squealed as he swung her around once, hugging his neck as tight as she could. “Look at my dress! It’s just like Mama’s!”

“You look beautiful, my little fireheart.” Eris cooed, kissing her cheek and setting her down. “As beautiful as Mama.”

A blush crept onto your cheeks as he pulled you to his side, Scarlett running back to Nyx and Valerie. You closed your eyes as he kissed you softly, his hand on the small of your back. 

“I’m sorry I’m late. I had to stop and get a gift for you.” He smirked, dodging another playful slap. 

“We said no gifts, Eris!” You huffed. “I didn’t get you anything because I thought we were in agreement.”

“You’ve gotten me two of the best gifts I could ever want, besides you of course.” He replied while rubbing your belly, his gaze turning tender as he went from the baby in your stomach to Scarlett. “You’ve gifted me something I can never repay.”

A brief flash of light had a hush falling over the crowd, everyone turning to look out into the sky. You reached out your hand to Scarlett and she happily took it, giggling when Eris lifted her onto his shoulders so she could get a better view. 

The flash was soon followed by more until the entire sky was raining stars. It never got old as you stared in wonder, one of Eris’s arms wrapping around you so he could kiss your temple.

“This is amazing,” Scarlett whispered above the two of you, her amber eyes wide with disbelief. “Daddy, could you get one for me?”

“Anything for my girl.” He immediately replied, patting her knee as he winked at you. If someone had told you years ago when you had first met Eris, that he would be a fun-loving, smiling father you would’ve laughed in their face. 

His life had shaped him into someone who was hard to understand, someone who rarely showed affection outside of you, but starting this family with him had completely changed him in the best way possible.

“Could you get me one too?” You smiled, gazing up at him in utter devotion and love.

Eris looked down at you, taking in the curve of your lips and the color of your eyes. Your beauty constantly took his breath away and tonight was no different. He never thought he could have this, have a family with you. 

“Anything for my girl.” He repeated, resting his chin on your forehead as you wrapped your arms around his stomach and laid your head on his chest as the stars danced around your little family. 

[straydog733]

I just need to share with you one of the stupidest writing choices I've seen in a long time.

(Spoilers for The Gilded Age S2 Premiere)

-/-

-/-

So The Gilded Age is not a good show, but it's a not-good show that I'm going to watch every second of. It's by the guy who made Downton Abbey, leaning into all his worst habits, and it's trash in incredibly tacky outfits. But anyway, in Season 1, they have this character named Peggy. She's a young woman, from a Black Elite family in New York, ambitions to be a journalist, but also some mysterious secret that she's keeping all season. It's eventually dribbled out that she had a baby who died at birth, but when someone tries to blackmail her for her scandalous past, turns out she was married at the time (to a lower class man her father didn't approve of, but married nonetheless), so she can be pitied, not scorned. After the baby died, her father paid her husband to fuck off and annul the marriage. This was a few years ago, and Peggy has been trying to find the midwife who delivered her stillborn, to talk to her and get a bit of closure.

PSYCH, BABY'S ALIVE! Her father paid the midwife (what must have been an absurd amount of money) to kidnap his grandson, foist him off to another family, and tell Peggy her baby died. The first season ends with her and her mother heading off on an adventure to find and reunite with her boy.

So this plot was very unpopular and got the show a lot of criticism. It was boring, it was a scandal with all the scandal removed, it was a retread of a Downton plot, and it took Peggy away from the actually interesting stuff about New York black high society and black journalism at the turn of the century. So how best to respond to these criticisms in the premiere of Season 2?

PSYCH, BABY'S DEAD AGAIN! We start the season after a time skip, in which time Peggy has managed to track down her three year old son, gotten in contact with his family, and almost reunited with him...only to learn he died of scarlet fever six months ago. The season starts with them having learned this a bit ago and already in mourning, because the show creator refuses to put anything interesting on screen, and by the end of the episode she is determined to leave her parents' home again and basically return to her non-baby Season 1 plot. 

And I just can't get over the fact that they double-killed her baby. I get wanting to write out this stupid plot, but there are ways to do it that don't feel like a shaggy dog story and bury a vibrant character in mourning for the season premiere! 

Andrea and I have been plotting alternatives, and it would have been SO easy: have her meet the kid, realize he's a happy toddler with a loving family, and that she doesn't want to tear him away from that to be a single mother (which a character on Downton did twice with the same baby, so you'd even be attoning for a previous sin!). "Oh my darling son, I am glad to know you, and I will make you proud of your mother's accomplishments as I take the publishing world by storm!" Then you never have to show the kid again, can throw in a line every now and then about her visiting, and she can still do her fun plotline! Boom, fixed it!

It is all just brain-bendingly stupid and I needed to ramble and share the joy. And as a reward for getting to the end, have a ridiculous costume photo of an unrelated character:

[tetsunabouquet]

Hello, I stumbled across your page while searching (in vain) for Vancha March x reader fanfics. Your NSFW alphabet was so detailed and I really enjoyed it.

Please feel free to say no, but I was wondering if you’d be happy to take a request for some more Vancha content? Fics/headcanons/blurbs… anything really! I’d love a Vanchaxreader fluff/smut fix if possible?

Have a great day ☺️

A/N: Of course I'll write more for Vancha! To be honest, I am kind of taken aback by all the Vancha requests, in a positive way. I've never met a Darren Shan Saga fan in the wild, so I am pretty happy there are multiple Vancha fans interesting in my blog! I'll be writing a fluff fic set in the new timeline Darren created when he travelled back in time, with the reader being the bonus mom to Vancha and Evanna's kid because to be honest I need daddy Vancha too. I hope you like it too!

Today was a sunny one, so you expected Vancha to be outside. Despite the fact Vancha was perfectly okay if you slept during the hours of day, you stopped doing so for the past few months. Little Eleri was growing up so fast and like her father, she wanted to go out in the sun and train herself like he did. She was proving to be a tough as nails little girl and you had a tough time keeping her in line. You didn't wanted to risk her training like her father whilst she was still a developping, small child. Much to her chagrin. Vancha understood your intentions and surprisingly had agreed, telling Eleri that "in the wild, cubs stay with their moms until they are old enough for the hunt". She had pouted at your green haired lover, but neither of you could be swayed. Eleri was at her usual spot, her big blueish green eyes glued to the door, waiting for her father to come back with a slightly sulking expression. You sighed. "Sweetie, why don't you go to bed? It's important for growing children to get their sleepy time." She looked at you before she shook her head. "Nope. I want papa to tell me a bedtime story." She said and whilst you knew it was an excuse, you could not deny that Vancha had a lot of interesting stories to tell whenever you tucked the little sprite into bed. Honestly, you were glad that she didn't went as far as to copy her father's sleeping habits as sleeping on the ground next to Vancha wasn't always comfortable. The two of you had made sure she got everything she needed, including a top notch cabin in the woods to live considering her twin wasn't allowed to enter the mountain. Gannen, Evanna and their son were frequent guests at the cabin. It was for more reasons then just promoting peace between the races and making sure the future was one of pacifism. As a small child, Eleri would have been the only kid at the mountain and honestly it broke your heart a little to imagine her having no friends to play with. This way, she could at least play with her brother and you honestly felt grateful she had a friend. Almost as if he sensed Eleri waiting impatiently in front of the door, it opened and Vancha stood in the doorway with his red skin. He grinned as he saw his daughter jump up like an overtly excited puppy. "I see my little sprout is fighting her bedtime like a warrior." He complimented her as he hoisted her up. You shook your head with a loving epression on your face as you closed the door. "She wanted to wait for you to tell her a bedtime story," you explained. "Please papa? I want you to tell me that story about the bear again!" She pleaded excitedly and Vancha threw her in the air before catching her. "Of course my little one." He winked at you as he carried Eleri to her small room, which aside of a bed was filled to the brim with presents from vampires all around the world. When she was born, the vampire race rejoiced at her birth and she probably had the largest and most expensivve baby shower in history with pretty much everyone wanting to give a gift to the daughter of the vampire prince. Some of them turnt out to have some darker intentions with her, but Vancha would get rid of those with a swiftly delivered death sentence. Another reason to live far away in the wild where only his brother and Evanna could find him. Vancha placed her on the bed with a careful tenderness that fatherhood has bestowed upon him and your heart melted as he stroke the hair from her face. Eleri grabbed her favorite stuffed animal, a tiger gifted to her by Larten Cresley that wore a beautiful ribbon which once had decorated the hat of her uncle Hibernius. Vancha cleared his throat and began his story, "This happened over a century ago, when I was training deep in the Carpathian mountains…"

[tkwrites]

Life is royally kicking my ass rn 🙃 any chance you are able to bless us with more initial or bts thoughts for some of your works?

I can list a couple to save you from having to figure out which ones you've already previously shared but don't feel you have to do all of them. Just mentioning a few to see if any spark something to you 🥰

Second nature, please, elimination, let the cleaners deal with it, before I meet your parents, first fight, love me gently, the second time is better, worth the wait, our heroes meet

Okay I think I just dead ass named all the snapshots you've not previously shared about ���� I just can't pick favourites 😘

Hope you are doing well and can't wait to read whatever goodness you are currenly working on 🩷🩷

Hi Lovely, thank you for this sweet message!

I'm sorry life is so hard right now, and I'm so glad my little au can be an escape for you.

I'm so flattered that you want any behind the scenes tidbits at my fics, but to not have favorites? I'm blushing. ☺️

I'm doing well. Work is still a little nuts - I missed a meeting with a client today because I was training a new employee and lost track of time. 😬 So that's fun.

I've put the bts notes down below so I don't take over your feed.

[ ] Second Nature

Second Nature started with the vision of Quinn putting Sarah's bra back on. Specifically the idea of him threading the strap back on her shoulder. I knew Sarah had a tattoo on her rib cage and when I designed it in my head, I just had this vision of her needing him to see it, but not quite willing to bare all.

I wanted Quinn to be respectful and sweet about it - freaking out a little before realizing he could fix the issue at hand (i.e. wanting to comfort her, but her bra is undone) and doing so.

[ ] Please

I'm pretty sure the inspiration for this was an ovulation dream about Quinn begging. I was certainly ovulating when I started writing it, which is why it's a little more smutty than usual.

[ ] Elimination

This one started because Quinn looks so sad and distraught sometimes that I just want to hug him and remind him hockey isn't his whole life. I think in real life this would actually be pretty rude and dismissive, so I'm glad Sarah does it better.

[ ] Let the cleaners deal with it

This was totally inspired by the ask that came in about this idea. When I read the ask, I could vividly see Quinn waking up to Sarah trying to get blood out of the sheets with ice and paper towels and him, in his sleepy mind going, what the hell is going on?

[ ] Before I Meet Your Parents

This one was born from trying to write Sarah Meets the Parents (which finally started coming together when I wrote what is now the opening line of that fic). I kept getting so stuck on the idea that Sarah would have a hard time with the idea of meeting Quinns parents, and had to write it out. This idea that she doesn't know what she's feeling is something I experience quite often.

I was really, really nervous about including the sex scene in this one. I think it really flows when I read it back now, but at the time, I worried it might read like I was adding it in just for the sake of having smut, which wasn't true, but I worried.

[ ] First Fight

When I was writing Better, it felt a little incomplete. Not that the story was, but Quinn and Sarah's relationship felt a little incomplete somehow, and the angst of this fulfilled that, giving them a test they could pass.

I also wanted to explore more about how his past relationship messed with Quinn, which spurred from this line in Second Nature:

It had taken months to get that comfortable with his last girlfriend, June. She hadn’t been as into him as he’d been into her (and hadn't been afraid to wield that fact like a sword), so that had been most of the problem.

It morphed into wanting to show the contrast of a fight with June against a fight with Sarah. That they're very, very different because Sarah is very different than anyone he's previously dated.

[ ] Love Me Gently

This was really selfish on my part. I'm physically quite sensitive (well, I'm quite sensitive in all areas of my life, let's get real), and so really, Quinn in this is how I'd want my ideal partner to react.

I really wanted Sarah to express open, unashamed communication about her needs. It's part of that 'fuck that' attitude she's had since losing her mom. Like, I don't have time to suffer through you figuring out what I like when I could just tell you.

[ ] The Second Time is Better

This one actually started because of a blip from season 7 of Love Island UK. In it, one of the contestants and his partner have sex for the first time. After, he tells his friends something like, "not gonna lie, it was two strokes and done." And that just spurred off this whole thought process for me about how the first time with someone new usually isn't some mind blowing experience. You're still getting used to your new partner and it's highly likely it's not going to be phenomenal. I really liked that idea of Quinn being embarrassed and Sarah reassuring him she didn't expect all that much just by virtue of it being their first time. In many ways, this one kind of wrote itself. It flowed out in like 3 days or something.

[ ] Worth The Wait

Worth the wait started with the idea of them watching Star Wars since they bonded over it in Out Heroes Meet, but I needed it to be more than just a movie, so I put them in a cinema pub and let it go from there.

Originally, this fic idea didn't have the whole scene with Sarah watching hockey for the first time, but, I felt like we didn't know her well enough and I needed a transition from Quinn letting her know he was leaving to when she texts him about the movie. Once I started, it just kind of started flowing. Eunice is so wild in this fic, but I kind of love that about her.

[ ] Our Heroes Meet

This was totally based on the idea of fate. I've always loved the ocean and went to the aquarium on my vacation to Vancouver last summer, so it felt like a good starting place. I wanted Sarah to be really smart and educated, and it occurred to me that she could work at the aquarium and study something with the ocean. Then, I just had to get Quinn there with her. And what better way for lovers to meet-cute than because of a rain storm?

[twig-tea]

Absolute Zero Ep2 Hype

A few things about episode 2 that I want to capture (this is all just hype, sorry, I am not normal about this show):

I love so, so much that Suasoon is relatively clever about his time travel. Other than calling Ongsa's name, everything else he does after that is either fixing that mistake or getting himself settled in his new present. He realizes without having to try it that his bank cards won't work, and he doesn't interact directly with his younger self (we know that he will give himself a pep talk soon, but that he'll be careful to do it from the balcony/phone so that young!soon can't really see him.

I love that Suasoon goes back in time before ep 1 started so that we have time for him to get settled, establish relationships, and just spend time with Ongsa before Ongsa meets Young!Suasoon. It makes the emotional impact of this realization in ep2 feel so much more intense, and any knock on emotions eg when/if we're right Suasoon pushes Ongsa to date young! Suasoon more believable, and it also makes Ongsa's beginning with Suasoon so much more interesting!

I love that Suasoon is still clearly dealing with his grief and fears about Onga in the present while in the past; that it doesn't go away just because he's distracted by this other mystery. And I also appreciate that this situation gives a good narrative reason why Suasoon isn't trying harder to get back.

I also appreciate that he's thinking about his past self; there is a kindness to himself that he showed by going to the graveyard (so that he wasn't alone, even if he didn't know it) that I really appreciate.

Relatedly, I've said this elsewhere in tags but I love how this show is showing big emotions in small ways. Suasoon getting the flowers for his mom, crying while accepting the coffee, Ongsa insisting on making the coffee, the subtle smiles and glances between the friends, the way Suasoon's grip tightens on the movie ticket when he sees what seat it is the way Suasoon lights up when he sees the movie rental guy even though he doesn't go inside.

I love the way the show is handling a coma and waking up from a coma realistically; with the slow progress rather than sitting up in bed or whatever else! Just, hell yeah.

I am so excited for a linear timeline, it's my favourite time nonsense approach and it's so hard to do but so far it's going so well, I am so excited!

I also just want to get ahead of anything re: adult!Suasoon and Ongsa. It's pretty obvious that adult Suasoon looks at Ongsa and sees the boy he fell in love with and is reminiscing and enjoying being with any version of the man he loves, knowing there's a risk that will not be possible in the future. Ongsa is definitely developing an obvious crush, which is pretty normal for someone of his age to find a guy 10 years older who likes him, is nice, and is hot, attractive. As a person who dated (and yes had sex with) a 27 year old woman when I was 17 I don't want to hear it lol I am not interested in age gap drama especially while it seems pretty clear adult!Suasoon is not going to pursue anything sexual with teen!Ongsa so it's besides the point. But in any case I'm glad his friends just teased him about it.

I have to hype Teng's performance, too, he's been doing an amazing job with a pretty complicated set of emotions! And the chemistry he has with young Ongsa to match his chemistry with future!Ongsa is so impressive.

My questions at this point:

What does the video store guy know? (I am suspicious)

What does adult Suasoon tell Ongsa that makes him cry watching young Suasoon eat ice cream (ep1)?

How does Ongsa develop his relationship with young Suasoon so that it doesn't feel like transference or replacement of old! Suasoon? [Because I have faith the show will handle this]

How does Suasoon get the money for a month's deposit on the apartment next to young!Suasoon?

Does Suasoon disappear because he goes back to the future, and is that why Ongsa goes to find young Suasoon and tells him he misses him so brokenly?! (I need to rewatch EP 1 to see how that lines up)

So excited for more!

Tagging the cadre that's started to form for absolute zero (feel free to dm if you don't want to be tagged or if you want to be added to the list!) @bengiyo @neuroticbookworm @lurkingshan @littleragondin @waitmyturtles @wen-kexing-apologist @heretherebedork

[zeroducks-2]

Hi! I would like to request #3 for the three word sentences prompt. I’d love Sladick and could it have a happy ending?

I absolutely adore your writing, especially your Sladick stuff. It always makes my day when I see you’ve written something new! 🖤🖤

Thank you anon 🥹🥹 It means a lot to know my stuff brightens your day! And of course, some happy ending Sladick coming up ♥

"I don't care" - Dick Grayson/Slade Wilson

«You'll get hurt.» Slade makes it sound like he's stating that it's raining.

«I don't care.» Dick replies easily. «I've gotten hurt before, no big deal.» He keeps fixing his outfit, smothering the creases on his vest. He's always been good with undercover jobs, he'll do just fine.

Slade doesn't answer, but Dick didn't expect him to.

«How do I look?» He asks with a half smile. «Maybe I should get a pocket watch, something vintage.»

The mercenary's forehead has a strange crease, and after a moment Dick realizes Slade isn't actually seeing him despite he's looking straight at him. «…what?» He adds, waving a hand between them. To most people it wouldn't look like it, but Dick can tell that the man quickly focused back on him. «My eyes are right here, old man.» Dick continues with a smirk, but the other's expression quickly sours.

«I have no more business here.» He declares briskly.

«I did pay you. You can go.» Dick concedes, and before he can add anything Slade spins on his heels and goes, leaving him staring at the spot where he was just standing, in the middle of the bedroom.

Dick has… no idea what happened.

He and Slade have started being more friendly in the past year or so. And… well, and he likes the man, he's glad they don't need to be on opposite sides anymore. Most of the time.

They're in fact friendly enough that Dick didn't think twice before hiring him to help getting intel about a new cartel, and now that he has enough he's finally ready to infiltrate. He plans to pose as a buyer and he just needs to fix a few details, but some of it he will improvise.

He decides not to mind Slade's odd reaction and gets back to work.

And a week later he gets tipped off by an informant who lets him know that the head of the cartel and his closest men have been taken out. All of them in one go, surely not a rival gang, it was too much of a clean job. Like someone had hired a professional to do it.

The next time Dick sees Slade he's wearing his Nightwing suit and they're on the rooftops of Bludhaven. They meet by accident; Slade had essentially disappeared for months and Dick hadn't tried to contact him anyway.

«When you said that you didn't care if you got hurt,» Slade says and seems to want to entirely skip the pleasantries. Dick has a hard time understanding what he means, then recalls the conversation they had in Dick's room many weeks before. «You sounded teasing, but I know you weren't lying. You really don't care if you get hurt.»

«You killed those people.» Dick observes without animosity, even if he's angry. It's a strange sort of rage, he isn't angry at the deaths… those men were the worst of the worst and albeit Dick wouldn't have killed them himself, he hardly manages to feel sorry for child traffickers and torturers.

«I did.» Slade replies easily. «I know you're good, kid. But I wasn't going to let you do it.»

«Why?» Dick can't really keep a wince from forming as he asks. That's why he's angry, he assumes. Because Slade took the choice away from him in a way.

«Because I care if you get hurt.» The man takes off his mask, moving a step towards Dick who reflexively steps back. «And because I would've killed them once I found out they'd dared lay a finger on you… so I preferred doing it before it could happen. They won't be missed.»

Another step. Dick doesn't back away this time, not even when Slade's hand comes up to touch his cheek with the back of two fingers.

«You'll hate me for this, but it doesn't matter.» The man adds more quietly, and more somberly. He imperceptibly leans down he expects to be swatted or pushed away, Dick can tell. «At least you're alright.»

The kiss is a brush of Slade's lips on the corner of Dick's mouth as his knuckles slip under the boy's chin, and he closes his eyes anyway, as if it was deep and head-tilting and he was being swept up by the other's embrace.

None of that happens, it's just a feathery light kiss, but Dick keeps the man's hand there and brings it back to his cheek when Slade is about to pull away.

«I'm angry.» He admits. «But I don't hate you.» He adds, stepping closer and searching the other's eye. His own are covered by the domino mask and that's not really fair, so Dick takes it off. «I'm not sure I could.»

They're kissing again after that, still softly if a little more deeply, Dick pushing up on the tip of his toes and Slade's other hand gently supporting his hip.

-

Thank you for the prompt anon! This is a bit different from the Sladick I usually write, I hope you liked it anyway :)

Here's the prompt list for whoever wants to peruse it, or send me another prompt :)

[feline-evil]

Oh yeah i forgot to say here too cuz i'm more likely to stay at least a little active on here through it since it serves me slightly less rage inducing dickheads that i'll pick a fight with, but something upsetting as happened and i'm definitely not going to be in a good mood for a while so my activity online may go down.

My cat unexpectedly declined rapidly overnight and had to be put down yesterday, i do not always cope with loss well, i've lost a lot of people and animals in my life. We buried her, i helped dig, i dug with my bare hands because i couldn't wield the shovel properly with how fucked my arms are and my entire body started shaking halfway through and is still trembling the day after. I had to look after my parents through this, they cried, i didn't, emotions don't work right in me anymore. I'm giving all this information to paint a clear enough picture as to why i'm not here to be fucked with at the moment. I don't want to deal with stupid fucking twitter discourse that makes me want to punch a wall, i don't want to deal with pathetic cunts who have a problem with some nobody like me and harass me whenever i have anon on here, so as you can imagine considering both of these are fucking constants when im online for some fucking reason, my activity might be spotty.

I loved my cat a lot, she was already nineteen when she turned up outside my door terrified of people, scrounging through the small food waste bin. She looked so starved and feral i thought she was gonna die back then, i spent days slowly working up her trust, sitting by my door talking soft, not making eye contact, just letting her get used to me; i needed to check her condition, needed to know if i could help. She was filthy, flea ridden and starved, her little bald ears burnt and painful. Eventually she trusted me enough to take food, then be touched, and then a week later she was in the house. Two weeks she stayed the first time, kept warm and safe with blankets and food; a toothless, ancient cat i felt sure we were given a few final days respite before she passed. Her owners turned up after those two weeks. Our neighbours two doors down. They took her back, i was not happy. But as soon as they let her outside again she ran right on back to us purring and purring as much as she could, curling right back up in her blankets. After this happened time and time again eventually the neighbours let us keep her, i'm so glad that they did because she began to heal. Her ears cleared up, her fur became soft and silky, she started behaving like a normal cat again; she put a little weight on, never a lot, but enough to not look starved, and she even tried to gain her meow back (she was a silent meower, that she never managed to fix, but she did start to make a little noise).

She was with us for three years past that, or nearly three it wouldve been three next month, and she was the sweetest cat in the world; she didn't often have energy to play, she wasn't the adventurous sort, she just wanted to lie near you and purr. She'd cry and howl if she couldnt find us, she never bit or deliberately scratched, she was an absolute gentle soul. When we moved it was the best thing for her, going to a smaller, easier to navigate house with a lovely safe, enclosed out door space; she got to feel the sun and the dirt again for those last few months, but safely, not as some poor frail animal left outside to fend for herself.

The vet told us her organs had failed when we took her yesterday, that even if she were a younger cat she'd be a candidate for humane euthanasia. There was no coming back from that. It was her time, we knew, the decline she had overnight was a sign she was ready to go; to keep her from saying goodbye would be crueller than letting her go. She was 21, nearly 22. I found fragments of a blue china plate in the dirt we dug for her, i kept it, its so pretty. I made her a bouquet out of tiny wild flowers from the garden. She's buried in her favourite spot. I'm really happy i got to put in the work to give her the life she deserved even if it was only for her last few years.

[idwsonicshowdown]

Botting and/or stuffed ballot concerns

Right, so now round two is wrapped up I have to address this unfortunate matter: I think the polls are possibly being rigged in some way Now, I have no idea how botting or rigging polls works and short of someone admitting to doing it, there's no way I can say for sure. It's a concern that other Sonic poll blogs have had in the past and there were concerns about it here, too (though back then it was over Starline winning and this time that isn't the case). I can't say for sure, but there really were a lot of unusual results this round Particularly, in the last hour of the polls I was watching the Don & Nite vs Jack Hammer and Belle vs Carina polls. Every time Don & Nite or Belle (the characters you'd expect to have the majority votes) got ahead, more votes would come to even them out in the next few minutes. I even tested it by reblogging the Don & Nite vs Jack poll to the shipping blog with a tag to vote for Don & Nite - even after this, when Don & Nite took the lead, more votes came in for Jack to even it out Now, it is possible that this is a massive coincidence and the unnamed guy from the 5th anniversary issue has a lot of hidden fans, but many of these polls didn't get a lot of traction. The Belle vs Carina one had 5 notes before I reblogged the results and yet got over 200 votes, which is an unusually high number for a poll that isn't being shared around Unfortunately, if the polls are being rigged, there's very little I can do to stop that. Short of asking the person doing it to stop and hope they'll listen - you're really not proving anything by fixing results on a silly fandom poll I've been tinkering away on setting up this tournament in the background for a few months, it'd suck to have to cancel it and spoil the fun, but if the results aren't genuine, then is there much point in carrying on? I'm going to take tonight off from setting up the next round to try to figure out what to do. If anyone has any advice, then I'd be glad to hear it

[smileymoth]

@pikslasrce tagged me to post my top albums from this year :))

senses fail - still searching // armor for sleep - what to do when you are dead // senses fail -let it enfold you hollywood undead - hotel kalifornia // boysnightout - make yourself sick // wilbur soot - your city gave me asthma alesana - the emptiness // bedwetters - meet the f@cking bedwetters // bring me the horizon - sempiternal

do not ask me how many times i've listened to these 9 albums idon't even know myself. it's way too much though. i couldn't put all 4 boysnightout albums here so i just stayed at 1 and put it in the very middle because they altered my brain chemistry <33

senses fail gets 2 albums because i didnt spend weeks only listening to those 2 albums for no reason... their lyrics mean sm to me i want to illustrate the albums or songs one day. this goes for both senses fail and boysnightout btw. AND armor for sleep. there's something about that specific album. i realised i really enjoy albums that tell a story. and the fact that i like themes of angst love blood betrayal etc etc is no surprise either. car underwater got played way too many times

i discovered bedwetters thanks to eurovision, they were one of the options for estonia and i ofc found their old and only album (they released a new one a few weeks ago tho) (i dont know why they have 2 spotify accounts. im not asking). i even got to see them live bc they gave a free concert during summer <33333333 i got a picture with the band too !!!!! so cool

the new hollywood undead album got me back into them so im back to being obsessed. i love my silly california guys :3 i've been keeping up with them since and i desperately need to draw them again, this time without their masks!!!! im very glad that i found alesana to be sooo palatable this year because ive tried to listen to them before when i was a teenager and it just... didn't click, even if i tired. so yeah i get to fix that mistake now.

in spring i had a moment where i listened to sempiternal on repeat on the cd player for multiple days straight and in the past month i've, again, been listening to bmth and specifically sempiternal again so it gets a special place, too.

wilbur is just there because i had jubilee line stuck in my head so so so so much and also it's the best study music ever. also wilbur why is i'm sorry boris so silent. i can barely hear it it makes me angry so i always skip it. and then bc its the end of the album it gives me some lmanburg flag cover-art song that i don't like

anyway here's a special mention to these 3 albums because 1) greeley estates - caveat emptor, i just discovered it this week and i am in love. also greeley estates has been in my radar for quite some time now and i find the singers voice to be very pleasant and interesting? the tone does sth for me 2) brand new - deja entendu, for being stuck in my head for a good week because the tommy gun song wouldn't leave my head since it came on shuffle from my saved mp3 list when net was down 3) just surrender - if these streets could talk, because again i was obsessing over this for like a good week before i forgot about it. good album. not available in serbia tho for some reason

can you tell i love talking about music that i like. i know nothing about music it just makes me happy. :)

anyway i am tagging uhhhh @varteeny1234 and @complicatedsurgery and uhhh @cactusringed and uhhhh anyone else who wants + i'm not gona tag you, sly, because you only listen to alex g anyway <3

[contentment-of-cats]

Weekend

Since I spend so much time in front of a screen when working, I've taken measures to reduce screen time when not working. Saturday and Sundays are the best times for this. I can get things done between chatting, or I can curl up with a book and cats. I've been able to pick up some hobbies left in the hurry-scurry of cancer and mom's final days as well. It's been relaxing.

Among this weekend's accomplishments is the making of a dark chocolate cream cheese frosting dense enough to bend light. I don't even want to put it on a cake, just sit there with a bowl and spoon. It was a quickie, using whipped cream cheese, dark chocolate cocoa powder, cinnamon, vanilla paste, and ultrafine sugar. It tastes amazing and decadent. Instead I stuck it in the freezer to firm up, then using a melon-baller, I made it into 2 teaspoon balls. I rolled them in cinnamon sugar and now have at least a 2 week supply.

It's been a bad few days for pain, but I'm doing very well today. I savor these days.

I haven't been doing much writing. Work, paid gig, and pain can interfere, but I have some chapters that ought to be good to go soon. I am glad that I have good friends who cheer me up just by being there. Everyone's going through such a lot right now.

I've been dealing with strange dreams lately. Normally I can control my dreams enough to wake myself up, but it's been difficult. These are recurring nightmares, so I can recognize them. One is that I am home, but there are strange cracks in the walls, and through those cracks getting bigger and bigger, I can see that my place is inside en even bigger building not visible from the outside. Sometimes I wander into this structure, and find myself in another house, city, or a place like an airport or train station. There are other people there, but always far away. In another dream, my walls are cracking and when I call someone to fix them, the call goes through, but they are talking to someone else, but can't hear me. Instead, I put my hands on the crack and push the walls back into place. In the dream I had last night, I told my mother that no matter what, I wouldn't reincarnate with the family. She told me that the plans had already been made. I replied that since I had no input in making them, I wouldn't be joining. I work up from that one so tired.

I'm looking forward to my 3rd quarter bonus, and some stones for my jewelry making. I have three more months until I'll have a year in remission. I'm taking each day as it comes.