#so fun living in my brain 🙃🙃🙃

[weirdgirlvampire]

My problem is when I’m being Insane about something I can never convince myself that I’m being Insane like even if I logically know that I’m being Insane about something and tell myself that I still don’t feel the threat level get any lower

[running-in-the-dark]

I think what I like about moving into a new place (besides it being much nicer than where we lived before) is that we do so much in preparation for that. we go lots of places to buy furniture or paint or whatever, we have to check things and look at things and stuff like that. I don't usually get out much 😭

right now I'm supposed to be painting walls while the others start moving our things, but I've got a massive headache so I've had to take a break for now. 😔 I need to finish three walls today and all on my own, plus I'll need to wait a few hours in between rooms so my hands don't get too painful. so I don't have time for a headache right now 🙃

[the-trans-dragon]

Kipo happy rambling

Ooooooo I never noticed before that Scarlemange’s Palace is a run down mall!!! :0!!!! That’s SO GOOD TO ANALYZE!!

Some of the mutants have towns they took over, like the Umlaut snakes. The Newton wolves have an entire observatory they use as a house. The Timbercats made their home in trees. But Scarlemange! The guy obsessed with humans (and killing them all) chose a MALL.

What a human place! A gilded palace!! The gold and jewels are fake, because it’s a mall. All the luxury is simply imitation, a snare set by capitalism to gather any extra money people had. The unseen product being sold to everyone: the brand name, the illusion of wealth, of the upper class, sold to you—and its on sale, buy two get one half off!

The piano was there as a illusion of luxury. The glass ceiling, colorful and remnant of church windows. A silly little capitalism machine dressed up like a palace or a cathedral. What a fascinating place for Scarlemagne to live!

A mall is a perfect building to represent the society that existed before. Gilded. A comforting lie. All the glory of capitalism, in all its imitation and flimsiness. What a perfect place, a perfect palace, for the king who wants to finally end humanity!

I don’t really like Scarlemagne because I’m soft and he is Trying To Kill Everyone, and I’m in a very silly overanalytical mood and probably reading way too much into it. But :3 I’m havin fun lol

[buckynats]

.

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Trust

main masterlist | the boys masterlist

summary: soldier boy doesn’t realize just how scared of him you truly are

pairing: soldier boy x female reader

rating: R for language, mature themes

word count: 5.2k

warnings: please read! language, mentions of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, drugging, violence, forced purging (to prevent possible death), briefly mentioned nudity (not in a smutty way), much darker than anything i’ve published before

author’s note: this started out as a small idea but i got really carried away lol.

another note: sorry for kinda ghosting after uploading the last fic, my brain hates me 🙃 i can’t promise i won’t “disappear” again like immediately after uploading this so thank you in advance for any/all feedback/comments 💞💞

It was late at night (more like early morning) when you were arguing with Butcher at the door. 

“Don’t you dare leave me here alone with him!” you seethed.

“C’mon, love, the old cunt’s gonna be asleep the whole time I’m gone.”

Your teeth clenched at the idea of being alone in the house with Soldier Boy, but if Billy didn’t go now to “run an errand” he’d probably have to go later that day anyway.

“Fine,” you sighed. “But if ‘the old cunt’ lays a fucking finger on me I swear to god Butcher!”

“I’ll be back by nine.”

**

A loud knock on your door woke you up.

“Hey! Sweetheart!” Soldier Boy’s voice shouted from the other side. “You up?”

“I am now,” you mumbled to yourself angrily. 7:26 your clock read.

“I heard that,” Soldier Boy said. 

Shit, you thought. “What do you want?” 

“The stupid TV isn’t fuckin’ working, I need you to come and work your magic for me.”

You sighed. You couldn’t ignore him at this point, that’d most likely just anger him further. If he wanted to he’d just break down the door and drag you out to the living room.

“C’mon toots, don’t be a bitch about it,” he exclaimed.

“Screw you,” you mumbled.

“Hey!” Soldier Boy exclaimed. “What’d I just fuckin’ say!” He tried opening the door but you’d obviously locked it. 

“I-I’ll be out in a second,” you told him. 

“That’s more like it,” he mumbled back.

You quickly got out of bed (whole outfit still on, just in case Soldier Boy had tried something in the night) and hurried to the door before you opened it. There he stood, the strongest man alive. You gulped nervously as he didn’t move and stayed blocking your way out. 

He eyed you up and down obnoxiously, smirking at the sight and making your heart beat faster.

“Same outfit as last night, I see,” he said. 

“S-So?” you asked, trying to mask the pure fear this man instilled in you. “I just like these clothes, is all.” He didn’t say anything, just kept smirking at you. “You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday, too, you know!”

“So you have been checking me out.” He nodded a little, the smirk still on his face.

“Did you want me to help you with the TV or did you just wake me up to be a dick?”

“TV,” he grumbled, “but would it kill you to be polite once in a while?”

“Would it kill you to move out of the way so I can head downstairs?”

He furrowed his brows before he rolled his eyes and stepped to the side; “After you, princess,” he mocked. You left your bedroom and he followed you downstairs to where the perfectly functioning TV hung on the wall.

You hated the way Soldier Boy eyed you as you took the remote out from the cabinet beside the TV and turned it on.

“It seems to be working fine?” you said, wanting to take his attention off of your ass. “What were you trying to watch?”

“Uh…how bout you pick something for us?” he offered.

“Excuse me?” you practically scoffed.

“C’mon, sit down and watch with me,” he said. You turned around, expecting to see him sitting on the couch, but he was now standing about a yard away from you. “Butcher seems to be gone…” He took a step towards you. “We’ve got the whole house to ourselves…” Another step. “Why don’t we have some fun?” He reached out and lightly touched your cheek, traced down the side of your face, and tilted your chin up to look him in the eyes.

“Soldier Boy—”

“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me,” he interrupted you. “I know your heart starts racing when I walk into a room, I know it beats even faster when I get close. I know you want me, don’t even try to fuckin’ deny it.”

“P-Please—”

“Oh, I like a woman who knows when to beg,” he chuckled lowly as he bent down to kiss you.

“Please don’t hurt me, please,” you said quickly, tears stinging your eyes as they threatened to fall. “I-I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch to you, I-I didn’t mean it! Please don’t kill me!”

“Kill you?” He stood up straight, pulling his hand up off your face and putting it up in defense. “Kill you?” There was a moment of silence as he intensely looked at your reaction to him getting so close. “You…You’re scared of me, aren’t you?”

You nodded slightly, worried you might upset him as his face fell. He seemed almost saddened by the fact you didn’t want him near you.

“But…I’m a hero,” he scoffed slightly. “Why would you be scared of me?”

“Please don’t take it personally,” you said. “Just let me set up the TV for you and go back to my room…please?”

“You’re fuckin’ terrified right now, aren’t you?” he asked and again you nodded, again he scoffed.

“Can you blame me?” you asked. “I-If I rub you the wrong way you could snap my neck like a chicken bone without breaking a sweat.”

“But I…” He continued looking at you with confusion that seemed to be laced with curiosity. “I wouldn’t. I mean, I know I get angry sometimes but I’d never hurt you?”

“You wouldn’t be the first hero to turn on me,” you told him quietly. Soldier Boy paused and thought about what to do next. He’d never been in a situation like this before; standing alone with someone who was genuinely scared of him, someone that didn’t trust a hero like himself.

“Just uh… Just turn on a movie and you can go,” he said before he took a seat on the couch. “Another one from my time, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure,” you said; a small, forced smile on your lips. You found a movie you thought he’d like and pressed play for him before tossing the remote on the couch and leaving.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he called out, making you stop in your tracks. “I’m sorry you don’t trust me, but I need you to know that I’d never hurt you.”

“O-Okay, Soldier Boy,” you said before you hurried out of the room, up the stairs, and back into your room. “Billy Butcher I am going to fucking strangle you,” you mumbled to yourself.

**

“You’re up before noon,” Butcher remarked, seeing Soldier Boy in the living room. “And you got the TV workin’ on your own! Atta boy, gov’.”

“Actually, Y/n set it up for me,” Soldier Boy said.

Butcher sighed at that, “So, you’ve talked to her today then, huh?”

“Yeah, why?” the Supe asked before Butcher left to see you. 

He knocked lightly on your door before you opened it. 

“Hello—” Butcher started but a swift slap to the face shut him up pretty quickly.

“Fuck you, Butcher!”

“Did he hurt you?” Butcher asked, holding his cheek.

“No, but he almost fucking did, asshole! How dare you leave me alone with him like that!”

“Oh come off it! If you’re still in one piece then all’s well that ends well, am I right?” he said with a smirk and a shrug. 

“You ever do something like that again and I swear to god William!” You stared daggers at him.

“My ‘errand’ didn’t go as planned anyways, love,” he told you. “I’ve gotta figure out another way to find where they’re hiding Homelander.”

“Or whatever’s left of him,” you mumbled.

**

“Alright, I’m off,” Butcher announced, a full duffle bag in his hand as he headed to the door.

“What?” you exclaimed from the kitchen as you hurried to get between him and his destination. “What’re you talking about?”

“Everything okay?” Soldier Boy asked from the couch near the TV.

“Everything’s fine, gov’, you keep watching your movie,” Butcher said.

“Can I talk to you outside for a minute?” you asked Butcher, you didn’t want Soldier Boy to hear what you were about to say. 

“After you then, love,” Butcher obliged.

The second the door closed behind the two of you, you let him have it.

“Don’t you fucking dare leave me here alone with him again, I cannot fucking take it!”

“It’ll only be for a little while, you’ll be fine!” Butcher said.

“Then let me come with you!”

“What, and leave the cunt here alone? He’ll burn the house down trying to make himself a fuckin’ sandwich,” Butcher exclaimed. “He needs a fuckin’ babysitter and that’s you.”

“Why me? Why can’t you call Hughie? Or Frenchie? Or, better than all of us combined, Kimiko?” you asked.

“Hughie’s outta state, Frenchie and Kimiko are both knee-deep in shit sussing out another lead on Homelander’s whereabouts.”

You sighed heavily, you saw his point but the thought of being trapped again made your stomach hurt; “Please don’t leave me alone with him, Butcher. You know how much he fucking terrifies me, and you know exactly why.”

“I’m sorry I gotta do this to you, love, but you know he’s our only shot at killin’ Homelander once and fucking for all.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“Only a day or two.”

You again conceded, against your better judgment, and let Butcher leave you with Soldier Boy.

“What was that all about?” the Supe asked when you walked back into the house and locked the door. 

You forced a smile; “Nothing, Soldier Boy,” you said, “dinner will be ready soon.”

You didn’t know Soldier Boy heard everything you and Butcher had said.

**

“Looks great, toots.” Soldier Boy walked up behind you in the kitchen, not missing the flinch you threw when he got a little too close. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled. 

“You still that scared of me?” he asked, leaning on the counter and trying to get you to look up at him.

“If you can hear my heart, I’m sure you’ve got something that can smell my fear too.”

“I know I make your heart race, your breathing becomes slightly quicker when I get close, and I’ve noticed your pupils tend to change when you notice I’m next to you.”

“So why is my fear such a fuckin’ surprise, then?” you scoffed.

“I guess I didn’t realize it was fear making your heart race and your pupils dilate slightly.”

“What, you thought I was into you or something?” you asked half-heartedly before you looked over at him and realized that was exactly what he had thought. “Oh.”

“So, yeah, I was surprised when I realized you didn’t like havin’ me around,” he admitted. You almost felt guilty for a moment but it quickly disappeared as you remembered why you were scared of him in the first place. “Can you at least tell me why, though?” he asked as you shoveled his food onto a plate. “Why are you so scared of me? I get that I’m stronger than you but, no offense, isn’t Butcher too? Isn’t like… almost every man out there?”

“One, I trust Butcher. I’ve known him for years and he’s been nothing but good; he’s an asshole, sure, but he’s good when it counts. And two, I don’t spend time alone with ‘almost every man out there’ so that does not help your case at all.” You handed him the plate. “Here’s your food.”

“Thanks, dollface.” He took it from you and you started getting your own plate ready. He watched your every move and his brows knitted with confusion as he did so. 

“You can go sit down,” you told him. “You don’t need to watch me like a hawk.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just still tryin’ to figure you out I guess.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you scoffed.

“You know I’m a hero, right? I’m a superhero, and I would never hurt you?”

“Look, no offense, but the last time I trusted a Supe it really didn’t turn out well and I’m not gonna let myself give you even an inch of trust because you are even stronger than the last guy.”

“What happened? What’d he do?” Soldier Boy asked and you didn’t respond. “C’mon, you owe me that much! I’ve been nothing but good to you, yet you’re treating me like I did whatever this other Supe did to you!”

“I don’t owe you shit, Soldier Boy,” you snapped and you could’ve sworn you saw genuine hurt flash over his features. “If you must know, it was The Deep. I trusted him, let him be good to me, and it all blew up in my face in the most awful way I could’ve imagined.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” He reached out to touch your shoulder but you flinched away from him.

“Please, don’t touch me. I get that you’re trying to be sweet or whatever but please don’t. It’s not doing what you think it’s doing, Soldier Boy.”

He nodded and backed away slightly.

“My name’s Ben,” he told you. You looked at him with a sense of shock. “My real name’s Ben, you don’t have to say ‘Soldier Boy’ all the time, you can just say ‘Ben’.”

“Okay, Ben, while we’re on the topic of names, you could ease up on the ‘toot’s and ‘doll’s and ‘dollface’s and ‘honey’s and ‘sweetheart’s you know. Or at the very least stick to one pet name.”

He smiled at your honesty, hoping it was a sign you might be scared of him just a tad less.

“Think I’ll just stick to callin’ you sweetheart, then,” he replied.

“Thank god, I was really starting to hate dolls.”

That made him laugh deeply before he walked to the table and took his seat.

Don’t you fucking dare, you thought to yourself when you felt a feeling of almost-not-absolute-fear-and-disgust wash over you for a split second. 

**

“Look, I’m sorry, but—”

“You’re sorry?” you scoffed into the phone. “Butcher get the fucking hell back here!”

“I can’t, I’ve gotta spend another night over here. Apparently—”

“I don’t give a rat's ass why you have to stay, I am begging you to please get back here now!” Tears were stinging your eyes as your voice cracked.

“I’m sorry—”

“If he does anything to me, anything at all, I’ll never fucking forgive you for leaving me alone with him, Butcher. You understand me, William? Never!”

“He’s not gonna hurt you,” Butcher sighed. “Just keep your distance and be nice to him. He does have a bit of a temper, maybe he just needs to relieve some tension…”

“That’s not funny!” You gritted your teeth as a few tears slipped down your cheeks. “When are you getting back here?”

“A few more days,” he replied. 

Before he said another word you hung up on him, furious that he thought it was okay to leave you alone with Soldier Boy.

Though the Supe was in his own room upstairs, he still heard every word you said. He’d never admit it, but his heart clenched at the thought of how scared you were right now. 

**

It had been over a week since you’d seen him when Butcher finally got back with some new information on Homelander’s location. He had a plan to find the exact coordinates and he wasn’t going to let his morals get in the way.

“Well, well, you clean up nice,” Butcher commented when you stepped out of the bathroom.

“Shut up,” you grumbled. You were wearing a short royal blue dress with a deep v-neckline and almost no back, the silver heels and necklace tied the otherwise seemingly plain outfit together nicely. “If this stupid plan of yours gets me killed I’m gonna come back and haunt you for the rest of your fuckin’ life.”

“Wow,” Ben beamed when he walked out of his room and saw you standing in the hall with Butcher. “You look incredible, sweetheart.”

“I look like a damn hooker,” you said. 

“That’s the idea, love.” Butcher smirked.

**

A high-ranking Vought employee had been seen at a certain bar almost every night for the last two months and it was now your job to get him to trust you. If he trusted you enough, he would take you back to his place and you could find out any and all information he had on Homelander. 

The plan seemed simple enough, yet Ben seemed more anxious about the situation than you were. 

“Are you sure this is safe?” Soldier Boy asked when you were all seated in the van outside the bar.

“No, but if this helps us get Homelander then it’s safe enough,” you told him. 

“Besides, you’ll be in there with her,” Butcher reminded him. “And if you stay focused on keeping her safe, then I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“How ‘bout we come up with a code word or something?” Ben suggested as he put in the earpiece Butcher handed him. 

“How about ‘Soldier Boy’?” you said, Ben shook his head.

“And what happens if you need to say ‘Soldier Boy’ but you don’t need help?” he countered.

“How about…Ben?” You smiled a little when he nodded.

“I’ll be listening closely to the whole conversation, if you say ‘Ben’ I’ll come and get you outta there.”

“Sounds good.” 

“Alright,” Butcher interrupted, “Soldier Boy keep me updated and if all goes well, Y/n, we won’t be seeing you again til later tonight.” He winked obnoxiously.

“If this guy genuinely tries to sleep with me I’ll break his fuckin’ nose,” you said flatly. “Info or no info, I ain’t letting him see me naked.”

**

Ben had gone in about a minute before you did and found a nice spot near where he knew you’d be sitting with the target. The second you walked in his eyes were glued. He stayed true to his word and listened to every word you and the target said.

“This seat taken, handsome?” you asked the man who then smirked at you. 

“It is now,” he said. “And what’s your name, gorgeous?”

“Goldie,” you lied as you took your seat. “What’s yours?”

“Steven. Let me buy you a drink?” he offered and called the bartender over when you nodded. 

“Vodka martini,” you ordered. “So Steven, what do you do for work?”

“I work for Vought,” he said and you faked an impressed look. 

“No way!” you gasped. “Oh my god, do you know The Seven?”

“I do,” he said with a nod, clearly full of himself. 

“That is so cool,” you continued stroking his ego. You nodded in thanks when the bartender handed you your drink and you took a sip. “I’ve never met someone so important!”

“You wanna know a secret?” he asked, you nodded enthusiastically. He leaned over so he could whisper into your ear; “I’m actually in The Deep’s close, personal circle.”

Your eyes went wide for a split second before you got a hold of yourself and whispered back; “Really?”

“Uh-huh,” he said. “I could introduce you if you’d like.” You pulled away from him slightly but still tried your best to keep yourself calm.

“Oh, that’s alright,” you shook your head, “I’m sure he’s too busy for little old me.”

“I’m never too busy.” The voice behind you made your whole body tense up and Ben could tell you were in trouble. You hadn’t said the code word though and he knew both you and Butcher would be mad if he screwed up the mission.

“Butcher,” Ben said into the intercom attached to his jacket, “Deep’s here.”

Butcher paused for a moment before he answered; “Don’t freak out. Y/n can handle herself and unless she says ‘Ben’ you don’t make a move, you understand Soldier Boy?”

“Understood,” he replied.

“You know,” The Deep said, still standing behind you, “I’ve had my eye on you since you walked in here, gorgeous.”

“Y-You have?” you asked, wondering if he recognized you or if your face just blurred together with all the other women he had assaulted. You took another sip of the drink in your hand and continued to keep a close eye on it to make sure it didn’t get spiked.

“I have,” he replied. “Now, why don’t you let my friend Steven here show you a nice time, then take you back to my place at Vought Tower?”

“S-Sounds good,” you trembled. “I-I’ll see you later tonight then, Deep.” You took another, smaller sip.

“Wonderful,” he said before he bent down and placed a kiss on your cheek. “Can’t wait to see this dress on my floor.” With that, he walked away and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Fish fucker’s left the building,” Ben told Butcher. “You gonna tail him or are we still focusing on Steven?”

“Stay focused on Steven, we can kill fish fucker another day,” Butcher said.

“So, you want another drink?” Steven asked you. “Or would you rather head over to the tower?”

“You know, I’d rather spend the night at your place, Steven.” You faked a sweet smile. 

“Really?” He raised a brow as a smirk returned to his face. “So, another drink, then?”

“How about I just let you take me home?” The moment you stood up you knew something was wrong. You instantly felt dizzy and sat back down. “Ben, help,” you whispered when you realized exactly what was happening. 

“Looks like we’re heading to the tower, Goldie,” Steven said. “Thanks as always, Pat.” He handed a couple hundreds to the bartender.

Ben came up behind Steven and pinned him against the bar with one hand, his other hand resting on the bar itself a few inches from where you were now slouched over.

“What the hell did you do to her, fuckface?” Ben seethed.

“I didn’t do anything! What’s your problem?” Steven yelled, drawing attention to the scene unfolding.

Ben took the back of the man’s head and brought it up half a foot before he slammed it back down onto the wood. 

“Tell me what you fuckin’ did or I’ll squish you like a bug,” Ben yelled as he applied more and more pressure to Steven’s head.

“Roofie!” Steven yelled. “Ask the bartender!”

“Ben don’t kill him,” Butcher told him through the earpiece. 

“He deserves to fuckin’ die, Butcher,” Ben replied.

“Yes he does but he still has information that we need. If you’ve gotta kill someone, kill the bartender who spiked the fuckin’ drink!”

Ben looked up from gravely injured Steven and saw the bartender cowering in the corner.

“Ben,” you whispered and reached out to touch the hand he still had on the counter. “Ben get me outta here.” His angered expression slowly faded as he looked down into your hooded eyes. “Please?”

“Yeah, I’ve got you,” Soldier Boy said before he quickly scooped you up in his arms and carefully kept your head resting on his shoulder. “Hey, barkeep,” he shouted and the man looked over at him. “Mark my words; no matter where you go or what you do I will find you and tear you limb from fucking limb for hurting her. Your days are fucking numbered.”

Ben hurried you out to the truck and sat you down on the seat next to his so you could lean on him if you wanted, or alternatively, you could lean against the window if you still didn’t want him touching you.

“Stay with her, I’m gonna go figure out how much they gave her and if we need to take her to the hospital,” Butcher told Soldier Boy before leaving.

“Ben,” you slurred, still barely able to open your eyes, “Ben what—what’d you do to me?”

“God fuckin’ damn it, Butcher,” he mumbled under his breath. He blamed Billy entirely for the operation going sideways and for you ending up in danger. “Fuck, you need to purge, sweetheart.” He positioned you so your head was hanging out the side door and stuck his fingers down your throat, ignoring your angered hits to his arms. “This is for your own good, stop fighting me.”

You hurled out the side door, Ben held onto you tightly and made sure you didn’t fall out or get hurt. 

“Please just let me go,” you whispered when he took his fingers out, satisfied with the amount of possibly deadly alcohol you were able to get out of your system.

“I know you’re scared right now, but I can’t let you go,” he told you. “I’m sorry.”

Butcher got back to the car pretty quickly, a worried expression on his face.

“How much did they give her?” Ben asked.

“Too fuckin’ much,” Butcher replied. “We’ve gotta make her puke it all up or she might not make it.”

**

You woke up on the couch to the sound of Butcher and Ben arguing in the kitchen, a splitting headache quickly made itself known when you opened your eyes fully.

“This is your fault, Butcher,” Soldier Boy yelled, “you and your stupid obsession to find Homelander. How dare you put her life at risk like that!”

“Hey I had the strongest man alive in there backing her up, so how the hell did you screw up so badly?”

There was a pause as you kept listing, a part of you was scared you’d start to hear punches being thrown.

Ben shook his head as he looked at his ‘boss’; “You’re a fuckin’ asshole, you know that? She’s been scared outta her fuckin’ mind and yet you just keep on pushin’ her and pushin’ her. And for what? To kill a Supe that’s probably dead already? You know Homelander ain’t a threat since I fuckin’ burned him, yet you still put someone you say you care about in danger.”

“‘Scared outta her fuckin’ mind’?” Butcher scoffed. “What’re you on about?”

“I know she’s terrified of me,” Ben admitted. “I know that you know she is, too. And yet you keep leaving her alone with me, why? Just to make her life worse? To make her feel less safe than she already does?”

“You sayin’ she’s got a reason to be scared of you, then?” Butcher asked. “Thought you were supposed to be some kinda hero?”

“Of course I’d never hurt her! But I’m still a Supe and I know you hate Supe’s. There’s no way in hell you trust me at all or you wouldn’t have her babysitting me every time you leave the fuckin’ house. What I don’t get is why you’re so comfortable leaving her here with the strongest man in the world when you think I’m a fucking monster.” Ben walked over to the fridge and took a bottled water out before he grabbed a cup and left the kitchen.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said quietly as he entered the living room. “I know you’re up, do you want some water?”

“What happened?” you asked as he squatted on the floor in front of the couch and made eye contact with you.  

“We can fill you in later, you should probably drink,” he said and held out the two items in his hands. “Would you rather the bottle or a cup?”

“Bottle’s fine,” you replied and you slowly sat up, putting a hand to your head before you took the water from him.

“You need some Aspirin or something?” he asked. 

“I’m sure Butcher ‘ll bring me some,” you said, making Ben’s brows furrow a little before he nodded with realization.

“You still don’t trust me much, do you?”

“Sorry,” you mumbled before beginning to drink the water. “What am I wearing, by the way?” you asked and gestured to the dirty, large black tee you had on over the blue dress.

“Oh, uh,” he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “it was on the car floor, I think it’s Butcher’s. I put it on you when uh, when you were kinda out of it and… your boob might’ve kinda… popped outta your dress.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I didn't… like I didn’t look or anything, I just saw the shirt and immediately put it over you.”

“Sure.” You nodded before you continued downing the bottled water.

“I’ll go get Butcher to bring you some painkillers,” Ben said before leaving the room.

**

You’d just gotten out of the shower and put on a new set of clean clothes when Butcher stopped you in the hall.

“How’s your head?” he asked.

“Better,” you replied flatly, still pretty frustrated with him.

“I’m sorry I was such an idiot,” he sighed, “I shoulda told Soldier Boy to get you hell outta there the second the fish fucker showed his ugly mug.”

“We needed intel on Homelander,” you reminded him. “My safety was just the price we had to pay.”

“And that was a fucked up currency for me to gamble with,” he said. “I’m sorry I’ve been so obsessed and I’m sorry for leaving you alone with Soldier Boy so much the past couple of weeks.”

You shrugged a little; “It’s no big deal.”

“I want you to know I’m done tryin’ to find Homelander.”

“Seriously?” Your eyes went wide and you furrowed your brows. 

“The cunt’s most likely down for the count anyway thanks to granny fucker downstairs and there are other Supes that are much bigger threats right now anyway. Like The Deep, for example, and the number of people he’s paying to help him get away with assaults like last night. I’ve been talking with Hughie and as it turns out, he’s already had his eye on a handful of other bartenders workin’ for fish dick.”

“So…what? You’re saying you’re gonna go back to your old job at Supe affairs and start hunting down these assholes in a more mentally-healthy way?” you asked.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

**

When you entered the living room you noticed Ben readjusting his position on the couch, as if to try and make himself appear less threatening.

“Hey,” you said quietly, a small smile on your lips as you sat down about two feet from him on the same couch.

“Hey,” he replied. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better.” You nodded. “You need help with the TV?” you asked, picking up the remote from where it sat on the coffee table in front of you.

“Yeah, thanks,” he replied. He watched you intently as you ‘worked your magic’ on the electronic contraption.

“I know I was completely at your mercy last night, Ben,” you said, focused on the TV and not looking over at him. “And I know you could’ve easily taken advantage of the fact I was out of it.”

“But I didn’t.”

“I know that, too.”

“But you still don’t trust me?”

“I want to,” you said. You reached out your left hand and gently placed it on his right one. He looked down at where your hands were touching and smiled softly. “I want to trust you, I just need time to get to know you.”

“You sayin’ you wanna get to know me?” he asked with a bit of a smirk before you nodded. The two of you stayed like that for a moment before Soldier Boy broke the silence; “So, where do we go from here?”

“How about we watch something together?” you suggested. 

“That sounds great, sweetheart.”

[messydepressy95]

Here's some really good emotional Joel & Ellie fics I've got in my bookmarks. You may have already most of of these, my apologies if that's the case.

Circle of Fifths, by marchflower. Ellie navigates the break down of her first relationship and all the shit that comes with it. (Really, just read anything by marchflower and you're golden)

but tonight i'll need you to stay by captainredspade. In Jackson, Ellie struggles and Joel worries. They figure it out eventually.

a safe place to land by two_birds_alone_together. Joel Miller owns The Back Shelf, a bookstore located in Back Bay. He has no idea that his life is going to change when a girl walks into the store on an oppressively hot Boston day. MODERN AU. (This is the first part of an amazing series. Very intense at times. Very sweet and cute at others)

bright spots by sixhours. Ellie & Joel make it to the hospital and the Fireflies don't immediately try to take out her brain (because c'mon! Where's the fun in that?) Here's what happens next. WIP. (This one starts out very cute and playful and has gradually gotten a little more intense. I'm in love with this portrayel of Joel and Ellie)

this is me trying (at least i'm trying) by BarlowGirl. Ellie adjusts to living in Jackson.

you and me on the rock by marchflower. Just Ellie and Joel doing what they do best: pissing each other off and patching each other up.

never go back again by flannelfeelings. Joel gets hurt in Jackson, Ellie remembers the last time he was badly hurt.

I appreciate this so much.

Never worry about recommending a Fic you think I’ve already read, I am a chronic re-reader and tend to forget the names of Fics that I’ve read and loved.

Especially since I didn’t have an AO3 account until this year and was reading on that platform for years prior, meaning no bookmarks 🙃

Im a late bloomer🥴 (I used fanfiction.net for far longer than I’m willing to admit.)

I’m going to be an absolute potato today and read through some of these, thank you.

*also if anyone new to the fandom ever sees this, the authors on this list are top tier, these suggestions are fucking great.

[manonim]

It’s 17.07… you know what it means?

Jie’s birthday !

This day, one year ago was the first time I created my very first LMK oc, which is also the very first oc I showed on social media. It’s hard to explain but just as the show Jie became somehow a part of my life, she’s living in my head and I like to improve her whenever I’m bored or when I’m having a bad time. The part of my brain in which LMK and Jie are is now my comfort place. I also wanted to thank you all for accepting my oc and me into the fandom, it really means a lot to me, I love you all ❤️

And now something funny- all the designs Jie had till now!

This is the first one, which I draw on 17.07.2023

The design was so lazy but I’m pretty sure I wanted to just create the image from my head. I now realised that the only thing Jie has since the first design is the Jade necklace. Btw, she was supposed to be a fox demon since the start, this is the picture of her human disguise.

Yes, that’s my drawing. I remember how randomly this one turned out. I realised that I’m not a fan of cold colours so I change Jie’s colour palette but for a long time I didn’t even think about drawing her as Lego. Fun fact!- this one was supposed to be an image of Jie for my fan fiction on Wattpad.

Idk why but I tried drawing her with dark red hair for a while, but soon it turned out to be just a phase.

This one stayed with me for pretty long but I thought her design was too boring

Honestly this would be Jie’s design if only my mind didn’t tell me ‘Hey, now both her and Sun Wukong looks like MK’s parents!’ And since I didn’t want to ship my oc with Monkey King I changed it once again but with heavy heart (the one on the right was supposed to be my fanfic cover 😭 Also the first time I tried the Lego style.

And finally… on 06.09. 2023….

My girl got her first official design. I used Wukong’s colour palette but I got tired of it so I changed her design once again and that’s how you got the current one:

Pretty sure this one will not stay forever though 🙃

[overtake]

Not to be weird but I feel like I got zapped when I read your hockey snippet, how didn't I know that this existed? It's literally been living my brain for hours and I've not been able to stop re-reading it since 🙃 clearly you can take the girl out of toronto but you can't take toronto out the girl because im a changed person now. No pressure ofc I mean this in non-prodding way but praying and willing you to put your snippets together. If you never come around to it then I'm glad (and changed) for what you've shared with world regardless 🙏🏻🙏🏻

This is SO sweet 🥹 I love you so much. Just for this, please have a bit more hockey au. There's a tiny snippet after a media bit (Surprise, this fic is multi-media! Writing the social media parts has been my fave part of the entire process)

@.MapleLeafs on TikTok: | December 12, 2023

[Players walk by a whiteboard on their way into the practice rink. They're stopped to answer the question written on it as they enter. The caption written over their heads reads: "Who don’t your Leafs want to sit next to on a flight?"]

ALEX ALBON: Easy one. Esteban Ocon. He’ll bite your head off if you make a single noise. I think he’d get mad if the plane was going down and you tried to warn him. LOGAN SARGEANT: Gasly or Ocon. I don’t know if it’s a French thing, but they both get really annoyed if you talk to them on a plane. PIERRE GASLY: Danny Ric. He is the loudest person I’ve ever met in my life. ESTEBAN OCON: Daniel Ricciardo. Sorry, Daniel. DANIEL RICCIARDO: Gasly. Max and I were just having a conversation and he rose up behind us and nearly bit our heads off for laughing. I don’t know why he keeps sitting near us. MAX VERSTAPPEN: I don’t really mind sitting next to anyone. I usually sit next to Daniel, and we have a good time. He keeps movies downloaded for us. They're often not very good, but that's sometimes more fun, you know? YUKI TSUNODA: Daniel. VALTERRI BOTTAS: Daniel Ricciardo. ZHOU GUANYU: Daniel. He is very nice and fun, but sometimes you just want to relax on a flight. MARCUS ERICCSON: Surely everyone except Max picked Daniel, right? FERNANDO ALONSO: I don’t want to sit next to anyone.

Mara (DR’s Reputation Era) @.mv33fan: Fernando Alonso: I hate this entire team The entire team: We hate Daniel and the French Max and Daniel: Ask again later. Our mouths are occupied with each other’s dicks.

________

Theoretically, Daniel knew that his and Max's pre-game ritual could end up on the broadcast. Butt taps and silly handshakes in the tunnel inevitably end up on team Instagram stories even if they don't air on TV. It was to be expected, particularly on a Saturday night game against Ottawa.

Still, he didn’t exactly expect a whole montage. It's a nice little package, to be fair. It shows him and Max laughing next to each other in the tunnels and locker rooms before games, followed by their fingers interlocking in their usual drawn-out high five. Daniel prefers to fist bump the whole team and exit only before the goalies, but his routine with Max is always a bit of a production that holds up the line. It's only a surprise it hasn't been uploaded sooner.

After a game where Max scored two goals and Daniel threw his body in front of a rogue deflection and stopped the Sens from a late-third tie, the media naturally focuses on the montage. God forbid they talk about actual fucking hockey in the hockey interview.

“We call it tangled love,” he tells reporters in the press scrum after the game. “In honour of our artistic collision last game.”

It wasn’t a real collision. They’d just got tangled up together when things got chippy by the net. Their skates had collided and they'd taken each other out while trying to defend Esteban from some Habs players. It was all over social media, though, and Daniel knew they’d end up in some embarrassing NHL moments compilation.

They’d both laid on the ice, a little stunned and a lot stupid, before Daniel let out a giant laugh and broke the tension. Max had risen to his feet and tried to pull up Daniel, only for them both to fall right back down as if this was the first time they'd ever skated.

They’d actually been doing this little handshake all season, but reporters were always happy for a soundbite to latch onto and a joke they’d never let go. There's not much to work with in this league in the way of on-camera personality, so it’d probably be a story for the next week. The go-karting clips of the two of them were so popular than even Max mentioned he’d seen them on Reels, and he’d carefully curated his feed to show him anything but Leafs content.

Daniel can’t explain it, this warmth that makes him feel like he’s glowing from inside out all the time since the season started, but he knows he feels it most when he sees people write his name alongside Max’s like their togetherness is a given.

[mintytealfox]

*carb walks in*

*holds up a question*

*yeets*

What the au where norton is big and alice(and melly) are tiny like did they found kurt book but don't know how long it last and norton is now stuck being the babysitter till the their normal size again or is it drugs?

MUAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHA AAAAAAAAHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHA MUAAHAHAHHAHHAHA

THE AU HAS BEEN ASKED ABOUT MUUAAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA 🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌🤌

Perfect timing too honestly cause I was feeling sad about Netease being emo as frick with the Norton stuff lol (there is an ask in the inbox about it and I am gonna go so wild once I collect my thoughts 👀)

-rubs hands togetherrrrrr-

so this one with Melly:

was a little one off thing cause I love Navi from Legend of Zelda and I imagine she is so tired of Link and I had Da Capo on the brain and was like 'aw yea these two' LOOOOOOOOOOOL

----------------

The other one with this stuff:

is super MaCross coded 👀🤌 if you are familiar with Zentraedi then you got a gist of what is going on here lol but here is a link to a intro to the au: here Then this one has the links to everything I have written for it so far: here

I am more of a report writer rather than creative writer anymore these days. So, if its bad then my bad LOOOOOL! If you don't want to read all that then here is this to get the gist of what is up with the world

"Some background:

Two species of humanoid now inhabit the same planet. One from another dead planet and seeking refuge and a new place to live (the humans). This was met with hostility from the original habitants (the larger one). A war broke out for 10 years, for the humans to come on top in the end. The larger species are now used as a sort of work horse in most cases. Some manual labor, others protecting the area and hunting, etc. there are still Nobels and high ups in politics but the less well-off tend to be put to difficult work and conditions. Even though the humans have the tech to make it easier, just don’t want to waste resources.  It’s a political way to keep them down, busy and obedient basically. 🙃

Norton, of course, works in the mines." ----------- BUT I LIKE WHERE YOUR BRAIN IS GOING -rubs hands together- a thiirrdddd au cookin I seeeee~ LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Knowing Alice, its probably DRUGS that did it -WHEEEZE- Then Melly having to get involved trying to be like "oh my gosh stop sniffin D R U G S" and tries to take it away but it just gets all over~ nice and cliche 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But I can see Melly having fun with the size change cause talk about an entire new perspective for her research of insects lol -can pet beetle like dog- "who would have thought they liked little pats on the head" So much new research to be done 🤣🤣🤣 Her command of insects is broadening LOOK OUT -WHEEZE-

Now for Alice, there is no stopping her now, every nook; every cranny is now hers to explore LOL no locks can keep her out now!! No document/letter/sensitive information can hide from her -WHEEZE- No drawer or box left un-sifted through PFF No conversation left un-eavesdropped! She is more of a danger to society's secrets now than she was before IM DYING LOOOOL

Yea Norton is definitely gonna have to babysit these two MY GOSH! Good L U C K BRO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

(THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!! I L O V E talking about this stuff HA! And needed the distraction honestly SO THANK YOOUUU)

[bugeyedfreaks]

I found an article a month or two ago (this was in my drafts, oops) about Diablo Cody’s comments about the PPG live action show… so here are my comments about some of her comments.

Okay, the part about making them tackle Gen Z problems is probably the only thing here that makes me cringe a bit. I hate when writers try to make characters relatable by saying whatever ageist buzzword’s popular at the time and not just, y’know, make something that could be relatable for anyone who was whatever age at whatever time (but I guess you gotta say those kinds of things to sell the show to the not-so-clued-in actually ageist executives, I dunno).

…but like I did when I read Dove’s comments about the show, yeah, I mean, I agree! I like weird! Weird is good! The script had issues (to put it, uh, VERY lightly) but I was happy that there were some attempts to make it different. And she’s right: it IS fun to write the girls at different ages. Thousands of fanfic writers would agree! However, the problem is that, when you’re making an actual television show, you can’t just do whatever you want or pepper in a bunch of sex jokes or whatever the hell people in Hollywood assume is “normal” behavior for people to have. 🙃 You should probably watch the show more than once (preferably, damage your brain with repeat viewings like I have, highly recommend 👍) and thoughtfully consider how the characters would act, in a way that multiple generations could relate to since it was a show originally meant for people of all ages. And again, so many things set the girls apart from other superheroes. Explore those things! I think a live action adaptation like this would rule, but I think there are a lot of little footnotes attached to that.

ALSO:

Diablo Cody, I love you, please deliver fan service to me and send me the other drafts if your NDA allows it I AM BEGGING YOU I LOVE YOU GIRL PLEASE. 😭🙏

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Hello! How are you? I hope everything is going good :) So, naturally, with another firstkhao series coming up, I've been obsessed with them (the brainrot is SO real), and I've been following your blog and reading your answers to asks about them.

One thing I love so much is that you think of their friendship as a queer platonic relationship and the minute I see it in the tags or just in general in your posts, I get so happy. (And maybe I just crave a friendship like that too, so I'm living through them vicariously-) As an aroace person who loves the appeal of QPRs, I gotta say, I love this take, and idk, I feel like the minute I saw it written down in your posts regarding them, something clicked and I was like "yeah, that makes so much sense" and "yeah, why didn't I realise this sooner?". So, just had to let you know I love reading your takes and agree with them wholeheartedly <3

Hi Mae and Anon!!!!

I’m glad to welcome you to my delulu land of queerplatonic 😉 where the population is currently sitting at 3 🤣

The best thing about labelling their friendship-relationship as queerplatonic is that it can be whatever they decide in it! 🧡🤍 - yes, even romantic feelings 😉

All I know is these 2 are together forever in this lifespan - they may not be a CP in the future and their career path may divert at some point - but if what we are seeing pre-CP holds through, you can bet these 2 will be together even if they ever decide to go ‘solo’

Like, I can imagine, if they ever date anyone else, the new partner will just have to accept these 2 come in pair? And First will come third wheeling in every single date Khaotung goes to (he already did this with Podd 🙃). Or if First calls Khaotung, the latter will likely just drop his partner that time and say - hey, I need to go, my soulmate besties need me, I’ll call you later 🙃

They pretty much share everything from money, credit card, wardrobe, perfumes, accessories, fur-baby etc.

And I’m still going to hold firmly in my deluluness that First has a special place in Khaotung’s brand new house 😂 (he already contributed to the furniture hehe).

Also, THK era has led me to more brain rot (so yes, Mae - I’m with you in this!) 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️and the recent Thailand Headlines Person Awards where I swear they are dressed for their own wedding….

Anyway, let’s all stay in delulu land forever 😇. It’s fun 🧡🤍💫

(Also, Mae - I too inspire to have what these 2 have - what they have is truly special)

Source of photos as above

08/11/2024

[winterchimez]

things/aesthetic you associate with your moots please!

hi anonie!! it’s been a while since i’ve done tag games like this so LETS GAUR 🤩

im doing for the ones that i talk to most often ✨

@from-izzy my soulmate 🤞🏻(who clearly SHOULD be living in my city instead), sunricyeon!!, ✌🏻level-headed and ☝🏻dum-dum, purple 💜, bunnies 🐰, raccoons 🦝, in constant denial of her love life 😒, long calls & video calls, SAUR, music 🎶, “ALLY HELP ME 🥺”, fellow believer in God, concerts, has 19374848 plans to meet up but our studies/job preventing us to do so 😞 (but we will beat them and meet irl someday SOON BCS I MANIFEST)

@sungbeam my precious lil 妹妹 🫶🏻, blue 🩵, “hear me out….but another changmin potential wip/plot 🤡”, photocards, that wet tree rat pc, if talent was a person its her, care packages 📦, fellow introverts ✌🏻, the one who convinced me to purchase my sony headphones while we were videocalling in the store 🥹, my sleep paralysis demon, “ALLY JIEJIE”, my cutie wookie little sis 😔💗, but also goes 😐 whenever i talk abt sangyeon 🙄

@aimeecarreros the unhinged and wild one in the b*****, 1/4 of sangyeon’s whores, twerking ✨, the best gif maker ever 😤, “so elena…pretty pwease can you gif this for moi 🥺”, BBANGJU 👅, “CORREQUE ✌🏻”, insanely hilarious and unhinged memes and text messages 24/7, the moodmaker of the group, “haysss *inserts stripping meme*”, teasing me 24/7 🙄, pinterest, fashion 😍, bridal dresses 🤍

@snowflakewhispers the SAVAGE, maknae and the demon (lovingly) in the b*****, teasing me is her everyday job atp 🙄🙄🙄, mrs jacob bae, 1/4 of sangyeon’s whores, spitting fire 24/7 🔥, matching sony headphones 🤍, matching macbook colours 🩶, psych & kids 💗, the sunwoo to my eric, apparently is in a messed up relationship/situationship with someone who shall not be named 🦝, the moot who lives the closest to where i am 🥹 (so faster get your ass back here after uni ends)

@daisyvisions the unnie of the b*****, NAUR, that iconic zoom selfie 😌✨, constantly being distracted at work bcs of ✨unholy thoughts✨, podcast 🎧, 1/4 of sangyeon’s whores, also joined in on the fun with elena & ophelia on teasing moi 😔, jerry lee 🤤, doggo 🐶, newnudeshot 😏📸, photoism 🎞️, spongebob memes, BIG SEXC BRAIN 🧠, late night talks while working, always judging me for some reason 🙃

@justalildumpling my dongsaeng 👧🏻, sunricyeon!!, black 🖤, ptsd from windows turning from black to bright blue, “pull a j” aka doing and leaving assignments till the very last minute 😁, “guys…..”, “yall…..”, a simp 🤓, attracted to red flags men (but not anymore 😚), FOODIE CHINGUS, malatang, “guys….can we just call for like 20 mins max…i promise it won’t take long” = a 6-7hours call, late night (or early mornings) video calls, SHE IS A BEAUTY AN ICON AND SHE IS THE MOMENT 😍

@ethereal-engene my long-lost best friend 🥹, JU HAKNYEON 🍊, anime!!, men in glasses 🔛🔝, fellow chinese friend ❤️, cny 🧧, lion dances 🦁, WOOZI (ESP IN LONG HAIR 😩😩😩), matching hakkie pottery pcs 🤍, wips brainstorming ✍️, another cutie lil 妹妹 🥺, arms….and pecs 🤓, editing 👩‍💻, convos abt our studies/work life 💗

@kimsohn kim sunwoo, pinterest, “maya….i had a dream abt sangyeon….”, “oh!”, anime!!, that smiling and then speechless meme, sangyeon drenching himself in water 😀, “so when are you gonna write this”, sunric sluts, tbosas, coriolanus snow, always talking abt being on writers block with one another but eventually gets things done (and sometimes its long af), being caring 🥺, food!!

@quaissants 1/2 of my gremlins 👹, sends me lip gloss sangyeon 24/7, my twinnie 🤞🏻, same birthday & mbti 💗, speaks in such a soft manner like hello 🥺, genshin impact!!, ragnvindr bros ❤️💙, childe 🤓, angsty angst ❤️‍🩹, constantly looking out for me 🥹, men 😃, “i have selective reading”

@sanaxo-o another 1/2 of my gremlins 👹, unhinged as a person, sabrina carpenter 💗, flirty af but then i dont return the favour 😄, sends me sangyeon content 24/7, a great listener and gives me comfort, always checking up on others, ✌🏻level-headed and ☝🏻dum-dum, “LET ME BETA YOUR FICS”, pinterest, “Als”

@stealanity my unnie 🥺💗, always looking out for everyone, the big sister of the net, amazing as a person (i admire you loads), moodboards 😍, aesthetics ✨, a field of flowers 🌹🪻🌸🌺, brave (never afraid to speak up!!), i miss you sm unnie always 🫶🏻, calls me a cutie 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

@cloverdaisies CLO MY LOVE 💚, great britian 🇬🇧, fish & chips, “you have no rights ally ive revoked them”, “you dont love me anymore 🥺” aka clo’s way of making me feel guilty that i couldn’t visit her when i was back in EU (IT WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY I SWEAR I WILL BE BACK 😤😤😤), writing fics for one another 💗, STRONG ASS WOMAN 💪 (who juggles between work and uni all on her own 🥹🫂), “there’s a rat in my apartment”, phone & video calls (which we havent done in a while and we should again!!)

@juyeonszn my fawnie my bubba 🥹, coffee ☕️, zeneration livestream 🙌🏻, crying tgt, unboxing albums ✨, pcs collection, puppies 🐶, anime!!, big sexc brain 🧠, sunric sluts, INSANE MAKEUP LOOKS 😩, delulu is the solulu ✨, education 📚, never-ending talks on dc (which we haven’t done in a while i miss you loads 🥺), my fellow dancer 💃, if cutie was a person its fawnie 💗

@itsbeeble my pookie 🫶🏻, kim sunwoo, another big sexc brain 🧠, taylor swift 💛, eras tour ✨, “ALLY GO TO SLEEP”, eric sohn, ateez & svt!!, memes 24/7, exposing each other’s asses 😄, biker sunwoo 😩, delulu is the solulu ✨, another coffee buddy ☕️, talks abt uni/work life, always bouncing off ideas with one another

[fumifooms]

oh, sorry for so many asks, i also wanted to say too though i really agree so much with your chilchuck thoughts so far, even down to your personal headcanons about how things might go post-series. and you're absolutely right, i'll defend that little guy any day myself. you understand him so well and it's kind of relaxing to have someone else dish out this kind of analysis and already agree with all of it cus it's just so real, so thank you again for the Meal <- perhaps the perfect thing to say about dungeon meshi analysis when i think about it

i know you have playlists and stuff so i wanted to share a song i've been listening to that that reminds me of him: divine loser by clem turner

No worries, they’ve been a lot of fun! I do plan on getting back to each one btw, just gotta get through some other things first hopefully. Aaaah that’s really nice to hear 🥺 I do know the feeling haha, it’s always fun to have posts that Get It that you just nod along with 🤝 I’ve thought sooo much about Chilchuck I rotate him in my brain like rotisserie chicken more often than not, glad it all ended up being productive haha. Y’know recently my friends have been calling me a Chilchuck superfan/scholar jokingly and it actually made me have a realization moment of…

Bc I’ve always said Laios was my fave and like, he does mean everything to me idk if I’ve ever felt so seen as with Laios, I relate to him sooo much, but then. Okay alright that can be a different thing than a character being your favorite fine FINE I admit it Chilchuck’s my top blorbo. He’s so.🧍‍♂️I can’t even describe. He’s so….. He’s a clown but he’s also perfection in its best imperfect form I will not be taking further questions today. My friend called him my silly rabbit like that one meme and it makes me laugh sm

Thank you for the music rec!! I listened to it and yes agreed, sent straight to my Chil playlist. Songs are my bread and butter when I have character brainrot bc like with web weavings I feel like there are so many emotions and thoughts you can communicate about something so simply through one… (Which for anyone interested here’s my web weaving tag, got 2 about Chil). Gonna link all my dunmeshi playlists while I’m here: Dungeon Meshi, Chilchuck & his wife, marchil, Mithrun.

Ok everyone saw this coming but this ask ran away from me and I ramble about some song lyrics I associate with Chil & different facets of his life below the cut. Some people find my, ehem, heated rambles about Chil entertaining, this is your cue to get out the popcorn.

When thinking about songs for Chil I have 3 angles I take: About Chilchuck, about him and his wife, or about him & Marcille. Marchil is so engraved into me with their arcs together, that they’re like the concept of closure and letting go and letting yourself live again to me, sorry for all the non-enjoyers… But his dynamic with Marcille is a large part of his character arc so still fits, rock on.

I think currently my top song for him is Jackrabbit by San Fermin, because it combines all three it makes me go wild. It’s about trepidation… Throwing yourself into it even despite the fear (working with traps, survival in poverty where you have to rush & hustle), or just staying there paralyzed(not reaching out to his wife). Flight or freeze!! Saying goodbyes and saying hellos!! Not dying alone!! The life cycle of a wild rabbit living and dying, the baton pass race of life from generation to generation!! Chil and his daughters even!!! Going through life at a frenzied pace!! It is so Chilchuck and so marchil, and the music does give that hurried and scared energy to me too, and sigh the Marcille side to it with fear of death too…

Extra fun context but the other day on the discord server we were talking about what animal each character’s fursona would be as we do and I thought of a rabbit for Chilchuck: Quick footed, ‘cowardly’, small and frail and seen as weak 🙃, athletic and slender, pulls stunts, stressed out, has very fine hearing and has good instincts, etc. And ofc that fits really well with Marcille since she’s kinda associated with dungeon rabbits hehe~ But I think while Marcille’s 100% the cute round rabbit Chil’s more like a brown hare, more wild and like, more like a jackalope if we’re still doing monsters... I do lowkey find it more fun than his associated monster being mimics because he’s crabby, because they’re clever (with where they place themselves) and because of how he has a soft shell but soft insides, lol.

OKAY so that’s my song pick with the main 3 facets sure, now I’ll share some lyrics for each 3 sides separatedly 😈 Kinda summarizing my web weavings for him thus far. If we start with Chilchuck by himself we have… Enter One by Shelby Merry and Drunk by The Living Tombstone

With his wife, we have the bad end, and the good end for if they get back together with Lost Kitten by Metric and North by Sleeping At Last… Okay okay plus Love Like Ghosts and My Heart is Buried in Venice… Little Soldier by The Crane Wives for them also RUIN me

And Marchil… Marchil oh my beloved. Another buddy also made a full analysis on discord about Soap by The Oh Hellos for them lol, but these are Not I by I Fight Dragons and My Heart is Buried in Venice again~

Okay okay two more. Boats & Birds by Gregory and The Hawk, and Tummy by Tamino.

Finishing it up with quotes from, in order, A Softer World by Joey Comeau, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Acknowledgements by Danez Smith, The Letter by Richard Paul Evans, and last but not least posts from dead tumblr account flintcoded. I keep looking around and finding MORE fitting quotes. Someone stop me- In loving me you hold a knife at my throat, in loving you I tell you exactly where to cut. Forgive me, memory is a rope around my neck. I need you to be happy, I need one of us to be happy.

Hand in unlovable hand…

In conclusion;

[calekinnieplus]

This looks like a fun idea, so here goes! :

What do you think of this guy🙃?

Oh wow! Good character you chose there ahahaha! Roselle Gustav aka Huang Tao!

First impression

Honestly, I was floating in confusion at the start a bit, considering it was my first Chinese webnovel, so I had a period of readjustment to the writing style (or the translation ig?), so I didn't immediately connect the dots that Roselle was a transmigrator or that he's... kinda "dead" lol

Buuuut, once the dots connected, I did find him quite amusing! Bro's self-confidence gave me second-hand embarrassment, but not That bad. But also, Klein was bashing on him so hard, it was kinda hilarious.

I don't fully remember what impression I had of him, since I was reading pretty slow in the beginning and some ideas were lost, but overall, fun guy lmao

Impression now

Hilarious guy, a meme, a legend.

Yet...

Quite unfortunate that his end was just endless suffering (which will hopefully not be endless haha...). Bro made small mistakes in the beginning when he didn't know Anything, when he was transported to a world he didn't know anything about, forced to adapt and live a new life. I don't know, I find him tragic, just like Klein.

At least he had some good times along the road (especially with a demoness heh). The funny stories were nice to read.

Favorite moment

Basic, but his first talk with Klein. I mean, him meeting a fellow transmigrater and quickly having faith in him was sweet. I really wish to see more of them :>

If we're talking about the diary entries, I'd probably choose when... uhhh the corruption thing. Roselle going to the moon. And when he gazed into the Abyss. I remember how the diary entry abruptly cut off after dumping a lot of info and both Klein and I were Flabbergasted. What did it MEAN-!!

(I have a feeling I'm mixing up the moments, but the feelings remain. The confusion, the anticipation and the wonder from some diary entries were Amazing)

OH, and the last diary entry of course. It was so chill-inducing! It was one of those moments that answered a lot of questions while also bringing even MORE questions. It was just- the atmosphere full of fear and uncertainty, putting into question what that fellow transmigrator went through, wowie~

Idea for a story

Well, let me shuffle in the corner of my brain...

I've always been a fan of Time Travel AUs. So the idea of Klein (at a higher sequence but not Saint Level, maybe? Idk, a lot of possibilities here) travelling to Roselle’s time period and the two of them becoming best buddies (Roselle’s words, not Klein's. Klein's facepalming in the background at Roselle’s shenanigans).

Maybe! It could be a young god Mr Fool using his domain over Space and Time and having a misplaced adventure during Roselle’s time.

(We're pretending the Outer Gods and CW isn't as dauting of a problem as they are in canon, aye?)

Anyway, doesn't matter which version of Klein or during what time he's visiting, it's mandatory that he facepalms at least once :))

Unpopular opinion

Well, I don't know the popular opinions, so I'll guess I'll just go with an opinion.

I mean, he totally could've treated his wife better. I can understand feeling a disconnect with this world and humanity in general, but at least don't bring shame to her name by being a known womanizer, mm? At least divorce or smth, man. You overthrew the government, you could definitely do that.

Unless he actually did divorce her and we just don't know. But otherwise, yeah. Kinda dick move there, Emperor.

Favorite relationship

(Platonic, right?)

Again, basic but. Roselle and Bernadette.

The fact that Bernadette spent so much time searching for a father she was on dubious terms with and how much faith she had that he persevered against all odds.

The fact that Roselle’s one and only tie with this new world was his daughter, his beloved child that he loved with all his might. A child he shared a piece of his old world with. A child he remodeled this entire world's structure for. Absolutely heart-warming.

Favorite headcannon

Hmm let's see...

Huang Tao, as a young individual who surfs the internet, would know a lot of memes or jokes. After becoming Roselle Gustav, those memes aren't easily forgotten.

I mean, is it canon, actually? Maybe he made several Chinese meme references and I missed them lmao. That would be funny

Bonus: imagine Huang Tao and Zhou Mingrui bumped into each other one day, unaware that the next time they'll meet each other, it will be after more than 10 000 years, give or take. ...what's the timeline here?

[astoldbychae]

One thing for sure, two things for certain...Melo has exquisite taste. I ain't gon' hold you...

Marguerite (ex-wife) // Monet (current girlfriend) // Fatima (collegiate side ting) 🙃

Melo's story ramblings below the cut

Alright, so boom…I was listening to music (when I should’ve been napping) and the playlist was GIVING…

Coco Jones “ICU” came on and it gave me a story idea and I’ve been jotting down notes since. I tend to use my random gameplay moments to guide what happens in Melo’s story and so far it’s just been fun gameplay but it’s been helpful because my ideas end up coming full circle when I press play. It’s like reassurance honestly!

Anywho, I’ve been debating how I want to write Melo’s story for THEE longest. No, seriously...way longer than I should have. I'm a recovering perfectionist and an artist whose sensitive about her shit...or whatever, so this is an ongoing battle. Dialogue is always my biggest challenge because I know exactly how I want the scene to go but I get confuzzled on who should say what and how etc…Issa work in progress and practice makes better. Right? So there’s that! But I am slowly working on his mini series/story. Emphasis on mini series because my brain gets overwhelmed when things don't have an end date. It’s literally been living rent free (with many renditions) in my notebook for damn near 3 years now. 😳

I'm prepping to do my bi-annual cc clean and prepping for the new update (once it's safe to update all the cc tings) but I have a title and have sorta kinda mapped out how many "chapters" this mini series will have. I've had to slowly start a new save for him because of the lag and I want to get into downloading more builds from the gallery and cc-ifying them myself and/or building sets myself. My pinterest board is full of ideas at this point but I'm excited.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Hey kiko!

First off, i saw the stardew valley stream right before going to office (twas my mom's birthday the day you streamed and an ungodly hour where I'm at) and i was in such a good mood🥹🤌🏽💖 gojo is adorable, I cannot.

Second, I was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and adhd (not a surprise, figured i was ✨ neurospicy✨ since i figured what it meant) and I was wondering... Gojo is neurospicy for sure, it's canon. But the way you write him, it's even more so. So out of curiosity, how would Goinko react to finding out their kids might be neurodivergent? And would that lead to satoru getting his own diagnosis?

HELLO!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOUR MOM!!

Thank you for your message and question!!! 😊

Gojo in Stardew is so fucking cute that it makes me wanna die. My Kiko playthrough is already in year 2 and they’re living their best life (though, I did discover SVE Lance, recently, and all I’m sayin is that if Satoru didn’t already have my heart, Lance would be the first contender that’s actually piqued my interest).

I FUCKING GAVE YOU A HELLA LONG RANT SO THE REST IS BELOW THE CUT

WELCOME TO THE NEUROSPICY (I love this and I’m stealing it) COMMUNITY. We don’t have t-shirts yet because we got distracted before we could finalize the design and then all of our inspiration left and now we just cringe in self-hatred whenever we think about another project that’s half-finished… 🙃

I will die on the hill that canon Gojo is one of the most autistic coded characters I’ve seen in my entire life. There’s literally no valid argument against him being a member of our wonderful neurospicy community.

As I’ve mentioned before, I am also very fucking autistic and adhd. I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd until a few years ago, and I didn’t find out about my autism until last year 🫠🫠 the journey to that discovery was a wild one… To give context for how extreme my adhd is, I’ve gotten distracted mid sentence for this reply a total of three times already and went on my own tangents of making random notes and literally forgetting about this for ten minutes while I started googling things and then I looked down at my phone and realized I’d completely forgotten that I was TYPING THIS REPLY 😭

ANYWAY. YOU ASKED A GOINKO QUESTION AND I WOULD LOVE TO ANSWER IT.

How would Goinko react to finding out their kids might be neurodivergent? And would that lead to Satoru getting his diagnosis?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION. I LOVE IT. WITH MY WHOLE HEART.

I’m assuming we’re talking about Physical Paradox Goinko because you sent this not long after I posted begging for questions about them and their kids!

For those who don’t know, neurodivergence (adhd, autism, ocd, etc.) tends to be hereditary, which essentially means that neurodivergent parents have a high chance of having neurodivergent kids.

I’ve specifically written Physical Paradox Gojo with the idea in mind that he’s got a variety of neurodivergencies (Rai’s fun facts about brains have helped a ton and I always love hearing them! Rai, this is me telling you I wanna know more fun facts when you have the time). I’ve talked before about how he’s absolutely got adhd, whether hyperactive or not remains to be seen in the story, but I’ve been nailing a few things down lately so I’m excited to explore that more…

BUT THATS NOT THE POINT OF THIS REPLY. FUCKING FOCUS, KIKO.

I’m gonna answer these backwards because Gojo will get his diagnosis before they have kids. Because Rinko is studying cognitive and behavioral psychology, as of Summer Nights, she’s already noticed a few ticks and signs that Gojo has something. But she’s avoided saying anything for multiple reasons. (she’s still only a student, she doesn’t want to overstep in case he already knows and doesn’t want to talk about it, and she doesn’t want to offend him if he doesn’t know and doesn’t receive that kind of information well.) She literally had the thought in Summer Nights that it wasn’t like she could give him a diagnosis.

At some point in their relationship, she’s going to realize that he has no fucking clue and she’s going to say something. I haven’t decided if she does this before or after they start dating, but my main point is that by the time they’re talking kids, they’re gonna know they’ll have some neurospicy in them.

As for how they’ll react? They’ll love them no matter what and do everything they can to support them. They’ll struggle and have their bad days but they’ll figure things out and do their best to be there for them.

I imagine Eiji will be a lot like Satoru. I see him being loud and excitable as a young child and becoming more reserved and closed off as he gets older, which is how Satoru was.

I don’t know if I’ll explicitly include it anywhere in the series, but Satoru was loud and outgoing and friendly as a kid. As he got older, he struggled to connect with people because they couldn’t keep up with how chaotic he could be or they showed no interest in what he was passionate about. We’re sprinkling some rejection sensitivity that’s manifested as “fuck you, I don’t care about your shit, either then.” He keeps things surface level with most people because it’s not worth the time and energy just to be rejected or misunderstood. Obviously he’s different with Rinko, but that’s mainly because she’s shown that she can keep up with his ranting and there’s a part of his brain that desperately wants her to know he isn’t a shitty person and he doesn’t realize it’s because he’s pretty much already in love with her 😂😂😂 but really, Rinko can keep up with him and she meets his sarcasm with her own instead of brushing him off.

IM FORCING MYSELF TO STOP HERE OR ILL GO ON FOREVER. DID I ACTUALLY ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?? I HOPE I DID 😭😭

I hope you have a wonderful day or night!! 💕💕