#so fucking rude

[ln4wins]

[natjennie]

why does cartwright even give a single shit. if someone had their medals on upside down and was having a hard time explaining their previous command and insisting they had to go do something, I'd be like. ok they're clearly having a hard day. they're having a bad time talking about and being part of this event about the horrible world war that they served in. they're shaken up and want to leave. I'd smile and nod and let them go. like why did cartwright wake up and decide to be an asshole.

[visceravalentines]

me: it might be time to watch house of wax again

my long-suffering husband who cares not for horror and who does not want to fuck bo sinclair: itah menana wah obasagah

me: what

him: that's how I feel about that

[nic-coughlan]

you bastards

[fickle-tiction]

Truce

***Reposted with the ending, since tumblr mobile cut it off the first time around. There’s a lot of NSFW talk in the beginning, but no actual nsfw scenes***

Clark could sense someone walking up behind him, the slow and steady thrum of Bruce's heartbeat announcing his presence just before Clark felt the warmth of him pressed against his back. He took a deep breath in, nostrils filling with the scent of sandalwood and spice as Bruce used the 2 inches he had on Clark to his advantage and draped himself over his boyfriend's back.  "Someone just asked me why I'm limping." Bruce whispered, lips tickling at the shell of Clark's ear.

Clark audibly swallowed, body going stiff as Bruce's arms encircled his waist. "Wh-what did you say?" He could hear the smirk in his boyfriend's voice, and he cursed himself for stuttering.

"The truth." Bruce could feel the heat radiating off Clark's cheeks as he inhaled in surprise. "That I spent almost an hour with my boyfriend buried inside me, while my girlfriend sat on my face." Clark let out a sound close to a whimper, the red racing down his neck and disappearing under the collar of his shirt. Bruce knew from experience that the flush could go down to the bottom of his ribs.

"B,-" Clark groaned, gently elbowing him in the ribs when Bruce snickered. "You did not."

Bruce just hummed in his ear before letting him go. "Enjoy the rest of the gala, Mr. Kent." He said louder, earning a few laughs from the people nearby before he sauntered away looking proud of himself.

Diana caught up to him a few minutes later, linking her arm with his and dragging him onto the dance floor. "That was mean." She admonished, wrapping his arms around Bruce's neck as he rested his hands on her hips. "And, I hope for your sake, a lie."

Bruce's eyebrows went up, even as a small lopsided smile graced his face. "And if it wasn't?" He asked, swaying to the music. "Are you going to punish me?"

Diana could hear Clark's sharp intake of breath from across the room, and now she was smirking as well. "Do you want me to?"

"Well, it wouldn't be a punishment if I asked for it."

"Oh, but you are asking for it."

"You know, being the only human in the relationship, I'm at a disadvantage. You two could hold me down, have your way with me. And there's not a thing I could do about it."

"Mmm. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Bruce hummed in the affirmative, turning on the dancefloor so he could see Clark out of the corner of his eye. Clark, who was all-but-hiding near the bar, clutching his glass so tightly it was in real danger of shattering.

"I would have Clark hold you down. Maybe pin your arms above your head. We both know you enjoy that, even if you pretend to struggle." Bruce huffed at that, but didn't deny it. "Then I would trace every scar on your body with my tongue." Bruce inhaled sharply, eyes now glued to Diana's face. "Once you are worked up I would start on your nipples." She casually rubbed her hand across Bruce's chest just to hear his sharp inhale. "I know you love having them played with. Teased and tickled until you're begging us to move on." Bruce barely stopped himself from groaning, but Diana's could hear his heartbeat picking up speed, though it had nothing on the frantic thumping of Clark's heart from across the room. "Then I would take you in my mouth." Bruce's gaze was intense, but he never broke eye contact. "Slowly. Work you right up that edge--" She paused, spinning them so she could see Clark now. "Then I would stop." Bruce did make a sound at that, but Diana's focus was all on Clark now. Clark, who was beat red and staring right at them. "Clark-" He jerked at the sound of his name, taking a step towards them before catching himself. "-would flip you over. Then I would start again on the other side."

"That doesn't sound like much of a punishment." Throughout the whole conversation Bruce maintained that same lopsided smile. Not a trace of embarrassment in his gaze.

"You don't know how long I plan on dragging this out."

"I am known for my patience."

Diana tilted her head in Clark's direction, clearly listening for something. Her smirk grew as she settled her gaze on Clark.

"What's he saying?" Bruce asked, following her line of sight.

"He feels as though he is the one being punished, not you."

Bruce grinned at that, watching as Clark started making his way over to them.

"You are both terrible people." He said, by way of greeting. "And we're leaving."

"Is this a preamble to tonight?" Bruce asked as he found himself in the middle of his partners, each with an arm looped through one of his own.

"You're not getting anything after teasing me like that." Clark grumbled as they made their way out of the ballroom. Clark and Diana relinquished their hold on his arms, and Clark pasted a smile onto his face just before they were swarmed with paparazzi.

"Now where are those southern manners you're always rambling on about? Is that any way to treat a fella who's ass you--" Bruce's mouth was hastily covered by Clark's hand, but they could tell by the crinkles around his eyes that he was laughing behind the obstruction.

Clark removed his hand as they made their way through the crowd towards the waiting car. Clark and Diana shared a look behind Bruce's back as he was bombarded with questions about the rumors surrounding the trinity. They were already out to all of their close friends and family. The only reason they never went public with it was because they enjoyed antagonizing the gossip columns. It seemed to Clark like this was the perfect opportunity for a little payback, and judging by her smile Diana was onboard.

"Mr. Wayne! Is it true you are in a polyamorous relationship?" "Mr. Wayne! Are these your partners, or just your company for the night?" "Sir, aren't you with the Daily Planet!?"

Clark nodded at Diana and they both gently took a hold of either of Bruce's arms once again. Bruce stopped in his tracks a few feet from the open car, looking at his partners quizzically. He was slightly alarmed by the look on their faces, and with good reason. They both leaned in and planted a kiss on either of his cheeks. The lights from the cameras were damn near blinding, and they illuminated the blush rocketing it's way up Bruce's neck and blooming onto his cheeks.

"Is he blushing!?" "Oh my God, he is!"

Bruce's lips are pressed together tightly, a smile plastered to his face even as he tightens his grip on either of his arms and drags them into the car. Once the door is closed on the wall of noise and Alfred drives away Bruce drops their arms and scowls.

"You two are--"

"--terrible people?" Clark suggests, smirking at the death glare Bruce is throwing his way.

"You just ruined my reputation."

"That is a little dramatic." Diana cuts in, squeezing Bruce's thigh in what is clearly meant to be a reassuring way. Bruce just continues to scowl as he twitches his leg away from her grasp.

"So Bruce Wayne blushes when his partners kiss him." Clark looked way too smug about it, and it was souring Bruce's mood further. "Big deal."

"I wasn't blushing."

"Oh really?" Clark pulls his phone out and Bruce has a sinking feeling in his gut as the Man of Steel types something into the search bar. He turns the phone towards Bruce, and Bruce leans forward against his better judgement to see that a series of pictures were uploaded to Twitter 2 minutes ago. Clark and Diana are on either side of him, hugging his arms, both smiling as they each press a kiss to his cheek. The Bruce in the picture looks equal parts shocked and happy at the attention. Clark then scrolls down without looking and Bruce scowls again at the series of pictures documenting his face's quick transformation into a tomato.

"I was unaware you were capable of being bashful." Diana laughs at the glare now directed at her.

Bruce folds his arms over his chest and looks out the window, ignoring both of their attempts at getting his attention for the remainder of the ride. Anytime either of them try to touch him he jerks away, eyes resolutely on the window. He can feel a smile tugging at his lips when Clark lays his head in Bruce's lap and directs the most pitiful puppy dog eyes at him, but he stoically stares at the streets rolling by. He can't risk looking at either of them and caving, or seeing Alfred's soft smile in the rearview mirror. He knows his father figure didn't miss the red staining his face and neck when he slipped into the car, and he can't bear to face the man right now.

Bruce exits the car without waiting for Alfred to get the door when they arrive at the manor, but it seems the older man was anticipating that move. He was standing in the path to the front door, hands clasped behind his back and looking smug as he blocked Bruce's escape. "I'll be in my room, should you need anything, sir."

Bruce was going to thank him and brush past, but Alfred continued speaking. "And may I say, red is a nice color on you." Bruce could hear Diana and Clark's muffled laughter as he sent Alfred a betrayed look. Alfred smirked, clapping Bruce on the shoulder before he disappeared into the manor.

Bruce followed his butler inside without a word, and Clark and Diana wait a minute before following him, giving him some time to collect himself. By the time they arrive Bruce has changed into a pair of black lounge pants and a black t-shirt.

"I have some work to do. I'll be in the cave." He tries to brush past them, but Clark palms his shoulder at the doorway and doesn't let him pass. He can see the muscles in Bruce's jaw jumping, even as he stops with a huff.

"B, come on. We didn't mean to embarrass you." Bruce levels Clark with a disbelieving look. "Okay, maybe we did." Clark relents. "But you were doing the same thing to me all night."

"No one was taking your picture."

"We didn't know you would become so flustered." Diana chimed in, having changed out her tight dress and into her own pair of lounge pants. One of Bruce's t-shirts was dwarfing her frame, and he knew she chose to wear it on purpose to endear herself to him.

"You didn't even bat an eye when you were talking on the dance floor."

"That's different." Bruce insisted, even as he allowed Diana to take his hand and lead him back to the bed. (Not that he had much choice in the matter, but the intention was there.) Diana gently pushed him down on the bed, and by the time he was settled with his back propped against the pillows Clark was climbing onto the bed as well, also wearing one of Bruce's shirts which just barely hung off his shoulders.

"Are you saying it's more embarrassing to be kissed on the cheek then it is to talk about having your nipples tickled in public?" Clark was sporting an amused grin, and Bruce could feel a grin of his own tugging at his lips but he refused to give in to it. Instead, he aimed a kick at Clark's side.

"I'm not embarrassed." He insisted, arms folded across his chest.

"Then what's with the silent treatment?"

Bruce waited a beat, hoping an answer would come to him. When none did he huffed. "Fine. I'm embarrassed."

"Of us?" Diana asked, the soft drag of her hand up and down Bruce's thigh taking any of the hurt out of her words.

"No." Bruce was quick to answer. He might be annoyed with his partners, but he would never let them think he was embarrassed by them. "I'm embarrassed that something that innocent can make me--" He would not admit to blushing. He wouldn't. "flustered." He bit out, looking as though it pained him to admit it.

"I think it's cute." Clark didn't sound like he was trying to tease him, but Bruce couldn't help but take it that way.

"It's not."

"It is." Diana insisted, hand now trailing up his torso. She nudged at his arms until he reluctantly unfolded them so she could have access to his chest, where she began to rub soothing circles.

"I can't-" blush "-turn red every time you guys kiss me in public. I know you two. You're going to do it just to mess with me."

"You mess with me in public all the time." Clark pointed out, following Diana's lead and rubbing Bruce's thigh.

"Yeah, but you're fun to mess with." Bruce was aware that he sounded like a petulant child, but he didn't particularly care. "You start blushing the second I whisper anything into your ear."

"And you blush when we kiss your cheeks." Bruce tried to kick him again, but Clark just pinched above his knee so he jerked away instead. "We're even."

"We could help you. Make you more comfortable to our affections."

"I'm not uncomfortable." Bruce insisted. He was ignored.

"Have you heard of exposure therapy?" Diana was smirking again, and it was frankly terrifying.

"Do not-" Bruce made to get off the bed, and was wholly unsurprised to find himself pushed back down onto the pillows by his partners.

"What were you saying earlier. D?" Clark asked, smirking as he grabbed Bruce's wrists. "Something about Bruce enjoying when I do this?" He pinned his wrists above his head, holding them in one hand.

"He loves it." Diana grinned, unperturbed by the glare Bruce was sending her way. She could see the muscles in his arms flexing as he tested Clark's grip.

"I hate you both." Bruce insists, without any heat behind the words.

"We're going to kiss you now." Diana says, leaning in. Clark follows her cue and they both kiss his cheeks with an audible "Muah" sound.

Bruce huffs, closing his eyes as he feels heat spreading across his cheeks.

"Wow, so you even blush when you know it's coming."

Bruce cracked his eyes open to glare at Clark. "Are you done?"

"No." Now the glare was being directed at Diana, but she did not seem bothered in the slightest. "We are going to keep kissing you here, until we get a smile."

They both lean down and repeat the process, and Bruce squirms in place as he feels his face grow even hotter. "I'm smiling." He says, through gritted teeth.

"That is technically a smile." Clark sounds disappointed, but has yet to let go of Bruce's arms.

"I suppose it is."

They're both leaning over Bruce's prone form, and they start to draw back. "It's not a laugh, though." Clark points out.

"She didn't say 'laugh'."

"I would like to hear you laugh."

"Ha. Ha." Bruce says, deadpan.

A Look passes between Clark and Diana, and Bruce suddenly finds himself nervous. He squirms in place, trying to tug his arms down. They don't budge, but he knows if he really wanted him to, Clark would let him go. He kind of wanted to see where this was going to go.

"Ready?" Clark asks, and it's unclear whether it's directed at Bruce or Diana.

"Ready." Diana confirms, her smirk letting on that they're doing this just to mess with Bruce further.

They both descend on him, but instead of the single kiss Bruce is expecting they both start kissing his face in earnest. Quick pecks are littering his cheeks, and Bruce closes his eyes against the sudden onslaught. Lips are trailing over his cheeks. Quick pecks are placed on his temple and the bridge of his nose at random. He doesn't even fight the smile he feels tugging at his mouth as someone places a gentle kiss at the corner of his eye. This is so silly, and childish, and so very Them.

Its only when Clark migrates to the side of his neck that Bruce let's out his first surprised laugh.

"My, my. Mr Wayne. What was that?"

"Nothing." Bruce gasped, the stubborn idiot.

"Was that not a laugh?" Diana enquired, lips ghosting over Bruce's neck and causing him to shiver.

"Pity. We can't stop until he laughs."

Bruce’s eyes flew open, but it was too late. Clark and Diana were both ghosting feather-light kisses up and down his neck before he could get a word out. Bruce didn't stand a chance. He was giggling in seconds, face burning red the entire time.

"G-hahaha-guys!" He laughed, trying to protect the sides of his neck with his shoulders, but unable to with his hands pinned above his head.

"There’s that laughter." Diana was speaking right into the sensitive skin below his ear, and Bruce squealed. His ear were burning with the force of the blood gathered there, and he could feel heat creeping down his chest.

"And there's the blush." Clark laughed, before placing a gentle kiss on Bruce's cheek right over where it was the brightest.

"It's not a blush, remember." Diana chided, also placing a kiss over the red skin.

"Right, he's just turning red because he's flustered."

"Sh-haha-ut up!" Bruce laughed, squirming as much as Clark would allow as they continued to pepper kisses all over his flushed skin.

"Oh my. It's spreading to his ears." Diana commented, before chasing that blush with her lips.

The sounds that escaped Bruce could only be heard by superhumans and dogs. Diana jerked back in surprise as Bruce's eyes flew open.

Clark was looking at him like Christmas has just come early.

"Truce!" Bruce was not above begging in this situation.

"Never." Clark dove back in, running his lips lightly over the shell of Bruce's ear. Bruce didn't bother trying to hold back, knowing it would be a useless endeavor. He gasped and giggled; cackled and blushed. After an eternity, which they later assured him wasn't even 2 minutes, Clark released his wrists and lay down next to the suddenly thrashing man.

"Ohohohoh my go-hahaha-god" Bruce laughed, hands clamped over his ears. He flinched when Diana's hand carded through his hair, quickly relaxing when she just repeated the soothing motion a few times.

"That was so much worse than what I did to you!" Bruce couldn't even scowl at Clark. It seemed he was incapable of wiping the smile off his face.

"I think it was comparable."

Bruce looked ready to lunge at Clark, but he was stopped by Diana laying on the left of side of his chest. "Truce."

Clark smirked. "Truce."

Bruce scowled, looking for all the world like he was going to argue. Diana started pinching up his side and he gasped, jerking away. "Truce!" He bit out, grabbing her wrist and holding it away from his body.  He was rewarded with a kiss to his cheek which, in a surprising turn of events, caused his face to heat up.

"Just how far down does that blush go?" Clark asked, even as he was pushing Bruce's shirt up.

"Do you think we can get him to blush all over?" Diana asked, helping a willing Bruce out of his shirt.

"He is sitting right here." Bruce's actions bellied his words as he shimmied out of his pants with Clark's help.

"Let's find out."

Bruce didn't protest as he was pushed onto his back and told to close his eyes. He didn't protest when two sets of lips descended on his torso. He squirmed and laughed and turned beat red, but he didn't protest. He was getting soft in his old age.

[iamnotawomanimagod]

Somebody was smoking in our building's hallways and now my apartment reeks 🤬🤮

[chiefguideandcentre]

I don’t know what planet most ppl are living on but it seems like it would be common sense that certain kinds of businesses run by appointments I mean??? so this just happened-

me: "thats something you can go over with one of our interviewers."

lady: Can I speak with her?"

me: “well I can schedule you a free consultation either in person or over the phone"

and then this person just hangs up on me! like?? im sorry you are overrun with the desire for instant gratification but most office type places schedule appointments. god forbid you have to do that! like use your stupid brains ppl! or at least have the courtesy to say you've changed your mind or something instead of just hanging up without a word like an asshole. learn to function in polite society thank you!

[obitohno]

discord wouldn’t let me change my name to ‘jordy’ bc apparently ‘many other people are using that name’. so??? it’s my name, i will use it >:(

[ricemommy]

TNT keeps refusing to accept the art i make for themed gallery days and i am very butthurt about it

[lost-your-memory]

So, we will see you here Same time, same place, next year And you may win this battle but you’ll never win the war Better to have fought and lost than never fought at all

Fought & Lost - Sam Ryder 

[sapphic-schizo]

Girl what are the tags ???

Are you having an episode?

is this me "having an episode?"

[saetoru]

imagine having to fight the vishaps and waste 40 resin just for one fucking drop that’s so lame

[queer-ragnelle]

Someone listening to a video on speaker in the lobby is driving me insane rn

[james-p-sullivan]

the older i get and the closer i am to reaching 30, the more the people around me try to deny me my age. it’s a constant ‘oh you’re just turning 29 again teehee 🤭’ or ‘dont tell your SO that, he’ll leave you for a younger model 😉’ and i just???? hate it?????????

i spent my entire teenaged years fighting for my life. i crawled through the deepest pits of my depression to cling to the promise of a life beyond that pain. i was so convinced that i was going to die young, that i would never see the grace of my age starting with a 2, let alone 3.

so im going to turn 30, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me from loving it.

[lostwillothewisp]

sending friend a paragraph and they reply with just "ok"