lostwillothewisp

[lostwillothewisp]

my bf saw my full body and still finds me hot 😭😭 am i cured??? did i spend years hating my body for no reason???

[lostwillothewisp]

250 cals in, weighed in at 285.6. skipping meals works kids

[lostwillothewisp]

if a binge, alcohol, and masturbating to the most fucked up shit doesnt fix me, THERAPY sure as fuck wont

[lostwillothewisp]

I keep all of the pain inside because I'd rather let it destroy me than everyone else.

idk not me

[lostwillothewisp]

he's never coming back. and he will never love me. and ill never see him again. theres something inherently disgusting about me. the cycle continues

[lostwillothewisp]

drunk, wanna kill myself

[lostwillothewisp]

2412 in, bc my dumbass decided on top of my regular meals i could have a full sugar monster and a bag of chips bc ooohh im sooooo hungry i feel faint ooohhh. 195 over bmr. at least my job is physical and im on my feet all the time

weighed in at 289.4 tho, still less than yesterday

hunger doesnt matter do it for them

[lostwillothewisp]

i hate this

i hate this i hate this

i just keep word vomiting i cant do this anymore

i cant i cant i cant i cant

[lostwillothewisp]

HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE ME BACK

i wish he would have just said that

[lostwillothewisp]

im so tired. im so tired all the fucking time

[lostwillothewisp]

man FUCK my boyfriend FUCK HIM for not letting me self destruct theres gotta be something i can do to release these feelings without him getting all upset

i cant drink i cant smoke i cant cut myself

i guess i can overexercise but im so tired. all the time. im so tired

[lostwillothewisp]

does anyone else recalculate their bmr daily depending on what they weigh that day

[lostwillothewisp]

yesterday total cal ~1115 which is 1368 under my bmr

weighed in at 290.4

doing this for my partner. gotta get in shape for them.

[lostwillothewisp]

i weigh 294.2 lbs

i want to get in shape as much as possible over the next year, when i meet my partner in person

i have to keep that goal in mind above all else

by this time next year, i want to be under 200lbs

[lostwillothewisp]

how do i tell my partner "hey you love me and youve fallen in love with ms and were willing to move mountains to be with each other but the biggest thing holding me back is how fat i am and idk how fat is a dealbreaker for you but my whole family is fat and ive struggled w my weight all my life and were gonna meet in person next year and im gonna try to get in shape but itll be the hardest thing ive ever had to do but im willing to do so i just need to know youll stay with me if i fail"

...

i guess i just say that

[lostwillothewisp]

[lostwillothewisp]

Always