#so finding out I could still get it for free even if my insurance wanted to be annoying was a relief

[wizzdot]

Sunshine

Chapter 4

Description: will Ray agree to join the team? Will she go to Mexico with them..? Will she remember how to shoot straight? Who knows..

You listened to what Price had offered. You really tried to find it in yourself to agree, but no. “I can’t do that..”

“Can’t do what..?” - “expect your men to trust me. To, for want of a better term, take a bullet for me.. it’s not fair. Christ, even I wouldn’t trust me as far as you could throw me..”

“..” You glance around at the three men, all silent, the Scot fidgeting with his hoodie strings and Ghost staring straight at back at you. The Captain starts to respond, but you cut him off, earning an exasperated sigh from the man.

“Also.. I’ve been out for months, over a year, in fact... What makes you so sure I can still shoot straight. Hold my own in a fight? What if it’s all gone? Any potential you may have seen in me. It’s gone. I’m exhausted, Captain. You’re placing too much trust in me. I’ll let you down. Your team, I can see it’s precious to you. I can’t be trusted with that responsibility…”

The man clears his throat and sends a wry smile in your direction.

“You don’t lose that sort of skill. It stays with you forever. If, for your own peace of mind, you’d like to go down the range and sharpen up, then feel free. Likewise, if you’d like to spar and polish up on your hand to hand, then I’m sure one of the boys here can help. Gaz, too, once he is fighting fit, which won’t be long. As far as trust goes, I look at it this way. Trust is a two way street. If you trust me, my team, enough to join us, then we will trust you enough to fight alongside. Simple as that, really”.

You clench your jaw, annoyed at yourself for even considering this. No, surely not.. snap out of it!! Just as you think of something to say to help get you out of this, the captain speaks again.

“You have my word, y/n, you’re free to leave. If at any point you want out, just tell me. I’ll sign the papers, set you up with a new identity and new house, you’ll be out. For good. I’ll give you the clearance, make sure you get your pension, your insurance, retirement, everything, you'll be discharged. I can say it’s on medical grounds.."

You can’t quite believe his offer. When you’d thrown that tantrum at the ceremony, they’d take everything from you. Everything that the Captain had just listed, gone, you had a red stamp across your name.

DISHONOURABLY DISCHARGED

You feel your throat constrict. You clear it slightly, trying to relieve the lump that had settled there.

“Fine” you murmur, not looking up from your shoe laces, if you looked at any of them now, you might change your mind and go running back to your shitty life on the outskirts of town. You’d been more dead for the past 18 months, than you would have been if you’d actually have died in Russia, with the rest of your unit. It had been a sorry existence. One of solitude, and misplaced anger. You’d made your bed and laid in it, so to speak. And God, was it a horrible, lumpy, uncomfortable bed..

“Fine, I’ll do it” you repeat, turning on your heel and leaving the room.

“Welcome to the team, Ray. Johnny will show you to your room, and give you a quick tour of the base” the Captain replies, in an even tone, hiding his slight surprise at your agreement.

You glance to Johnny, who immediately snaps out of his dazed state and jumps to his task. “Right, yeah, ok! Follow me, lass”.

You follow Soap, who cleverly decides not to make conversation, this time. He arrives at a room.

“This is you..” he explains pointing to the door in front of him. He then points to his left “that’s Gaz..” then to his right “and that’s me - Cap and Ghost have their own rooms in the next hall. The common room is at the end of this hallway - 141 only. The communal mess hall is back the way we came, near the infirmary. The gym —”

You decide to interrupt. “That’s all, you can go.. I know where everything else is” you murmur, accidentally harshly. He immediately turns and it makes you feel guilty for your tone. Christ, you’d not had to be nice to anyone for years.. you were rusty.

As he turns away with a glum look on his usually too cheery face, you wince, realising that you’d upset him. You step into the room he had shown you, closing the door behind you. It was a typical military base room. A bed in the middle, a chest of drawers and a wardrobe, with a desk on the other side of the room. Basic and simple. You dump your bags on the bed and start rummaging through what little you had left.

These bags hadn’t been touched since you’d left. They were still packed from when Price and Kyle had arrived to your room immediately after storming out from the ceremony. As you unzip the rucksack, filled with your old life, your dog tags tumble down and snag on the zip.

You try to blink away the sting in your eyes, holding them up to the light with the metal chain. They clink against each other, flashing the artificial ceiling light into your eyes . Up close, you can see small scratches and tiny divots - scars left behind from years of service.

After a deep breath, you lift them and secure them around your neck - finally back where they belong. They feel cold against your skin, but the sensation feels familiar. Pull yourself together!

The next thing in your bag, is your old shemagh. It is tattered, torn and frayed at the edges. It’d always been with you on the field. You’d never been anywhere without it. If it wasn’t around your neck, it was tied to a gun, or around a belt loop. It was your good luck charm. God, the miles that old scarf had done…

You noticed that the Captain and Gaz usually wear one of their own around their necks. You weren’t sure if theirs held the same emotional attachment as yours did, but you assumed their ‘items’ were the hats that always donned their heads, and Ghost’s was his mask. You weren’t sure what Soap’s thing was yet..

As you pull it from the rucksack, the fabric feels so soft in your hands, you scrunch it up and take a huge inhale of its scent. Memories flood your vision. You sit down on the bed, allowing yourself a moment to reminisce on the past.

A knock on the door pulls you from your thoughts.

“Y/n? Still in ‘ere?” The voice asks.

You roll your eyes. It was Gaz.

“What do you want?”

“To catch up..” he replies, undeterred

“Already have..”

“C’mon, Ray.. let me in..” he whines, trying the handle.

Damn it, should have locked the door.

He freezes when he sees you, sitting on the bed, hands wrapped around your military scarf and wearing your dog tags around your neck. He eyes you for what seems like ages. Eventually he speaks..

“There she is!” he smirks “knew you couldn’t resist...”

[starshineyellow]

Hey Americans, it’s fall 2023 and the adult Covid vaccines are STILL FREE at certain pharmacies. Even if you have no health insurance. Even if you have health insurance but the insurance company likes to whine about CVS being “out of network” for vaccinations.

Find out more FAQ stuff from the CDC here:

And find your local locations with free vaccines below. Once you’ve put in your zip code and hit “go”, on the next page, make sure to click the checkbox that says “BRIDGE Access Participant” so you know these locations have the free shots.

[russellsppttemplates]

Are you staying? (Logan Sargeant)

Before the Miami GP, you fly over to spend some days with your boyfriend's family, and it turns out that you can charm more than one Sargeant

Note: english is not my first language. This is the first thing I've ever written for Logan and I'm excited and nervous to see how it goes! Nothing against other careers, but I'm a sucker for the stereotypical smart job and paired up with the friends to lovers trope, I made this! I hope it's good for my first piece for him! Also, I'm aware that Leo hasn't been in the paddock for what I can assume obvious safety reasons, but I thought of this and didn't want to leave it behind 🫣

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Cw: mentions a previous injury

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

"Is this your list, babe?", Logan said as he opened the document on his iPad after you sent it to him, reading a checklist of all the things you needed to pack last minute after he said he wanted to help you.

"Yes - actually, can you help me with it, please?", you asked as you packed your usual medication, "I already have my meds in the little bag and my chargers too - you can check those off".

"Okay, done", he offered as he crossed them with the pen, "next, we have documents - passport, I'm the one with the tickets and they're in my phone as well, and Travel insurance? Since when do you do Travel insurance?", Logan wondered as you packed the documents into your bag.

"Since I'm going to motherland of paid healthcare - I don't usually get sick, but you never know! Just to my luck I could feel some pain and before I know it, I'll be knee deep into debt that no amount of working could help with! I'm just about keeping university fees covered, I can't have anymore on me", you offered as you looked at the camera. Even though the timezone was different, Logan still FaceTimed you, tucked in his bed while he saw the sunshine through the window behind you

"If it comes to that, which I hope it won't because I like you all in one piece, I would cover i-", Logan added as you shook your head.

"Let's all hope that I go and come back with pristine health and that this was just me being my forewarned self", you smiled and crossed your fingers, "what's next?", you wondered as you walked around your bedroom, looking for anything that could stand out.

You met Logan, out of all places, in the pool you had been swimming in your whole life. You never wanted to compete - for you, swimming was a way to forget about the day for a couple of hours and to ensure you were active. A couple of years ago, this boy walked inside, leaving his flip-flops on the side next to yours and he seemed to be doing some conditioning work.

Later, you found out he had picked up a muscle injury and he was there with his physiotherapist at the same time you went everyday, and by the time his treatment was over, you became good friends and it bloomed from there.

A party before his first season in Formula One was the last straw when he wasn't the only guy there who noticed how beautiful you looked. It seemed that all of the single drivers had their eyes on you, both from the novelty of your presence in the function and from the confidence you exuded. His protective side came forward, and as he was driving you back home, he didn't let you leave his place until he confessed his feelings. As it turned out, you felt the same.

"And last, but not least, lip balm", your boyfriend said in a overly exaggerated accent.

"And for that, you don't get to use this anymore!", you put the small tube on the small bag, zipping it and finding a place for it before you stuck your tongue out at him.

"That's alright - I'll just kiss you after you put it on", he smirked.

"Like that is any different from what you do now", you grumbled, closing your backpack and patting it, "I'm all ready!", you smiled.

Even though the original plan was for Logan to fly to England and then fly with you to his home country, your university practical assignments had been changed to that week and there was no way you could swap, let alone miss them. You didn't want your boyfriend to spend less time with his family because of you, so you ended up deciding that you would fly over on your own and meet him there as soon as you could.

"I miss you, I can't wait to kiss your beautiful face", he smiled.

"I miss you too, but soon enough handsome!", you said as you looked at your watch, "the train leaves later today, but I heard there was a lot of traffic so I think I'm going now", you muttered, not wanting to end the call yet but having to do it for practical reasons. Besides, Logan needed to sleep and you were sure if you didn't end the call, he would pull an all nighter.

"Don't be late, gorgeous girl - I'll dream about meeting you when you get here", Logan charmed.

"See you later, Logie! Have a good sleep!", you beamed, "don't forget to put your phone on silent because I'll text you the flight updates! I love you!".

"I will! I love you too - have a safe flight!", he smiled before his face disappeared on your screen.

Making sure everything that needed to be off was turned off and on its right place, you closed and locked the door behind you before starting your journey.

Once you had done the security checks at the airport and found your gate, the nerves on your tummy settled in. It wasn't the first time you had to fly on your own and you knew well enough where they stemmed from. You had briefly met Logan's parents a couple of times before since they travelled for some of the races, but spending time with them in their family home carried a different weight to it.

Luckily, there weren't many setbacks and the flight actually landed a couple of minutes before schedule, making you text Logan that you had already landed so he could sort the situation out.

Spotting him wasn't too hard once you saw your name on a lavender coloured cardboard and your boyfriend holding it.

"I missed you loads", he whispered on your ear, kissing under it and hugging you tight.

"I missed you too", you answered back, letting him squeeze you one last time before grabbing the cardboard, "You did this for me?", you beamed.

"Yes, one of my cousins was over yesterday and she gave me the idea to put the glitter on there", he nodded to the glittery letters.

"Yes, I definitely noticed that wasn't you", you giggled, pushing your suitcase along and to the parking lot.

"Mom wanted to come and get you, but she put in her head that the house had to be spotless, so she stayed back, and I think my dad went out to get an order my mum made for a bread she remembered you liked and she wanted you to have it", he stated, unlocking the car and popping the trunk open.

"They're going what? I don't need any special treatment, Logan, - I don't want them to think I want princess treatment!", you argued, holding onto your things, "my Goodness, your parents think I'm a snob", you groaned.

"No, they don't! They just wanted to make sure you feel comfortable and at home!", Logan offered, trying to get your backpack.

"I could sleep on the floor and be happy about it!", you grumbled before you let him get the bag.

"If you really want that, that's fine, but my bed is quite good to be fair", he smirked before you swatted his chest, helping him with the suitcase next.

"Stop making jokes, I don't want your family to think-", Logan interrupted by placing his lips on yours.

"Stop talking nonsense, my parents are excited to have you here", he spoke.

It wasn't a lie. All of his family was excited and curious to finally meet the girl that captured Logan's heart. He knew they could be a handful, and he had certainly warned you considered you came from a small family giving that your parents were only children - it wasn't so much that he thought you wouldn't feel okay, but it would definitely be a little more crowded that you were used to.

On the other side, his family's opinion mattered to him and he was nervous of what they could say. Not because of you and the person you were - he was sure you were going to be just fine, but it wouldn't be the first time that his family's opinion swayed someone the other way. His parents had met your briefly before and now you were being introduced to everyone else. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and everyone else that wanted to tag along and nitpick at you. Everyone's eyes would be on you, and so would their opinions.

"I'm choosing to believe you", you smiled, getting inside the car and watching Logan do the same.

"Did you have a good flight?", he asked as he reversed out of the space, "a lady behind me was saying that her daughter had a turbulent flight".

"It was fine, but I don't really know - I slept on the last couple of hours. Didn't think I had it in me", you tsked, "but the seat was quite comfy and there wasn't anyone in the middle seat, so me and the guy that was on the row sort of took over it and had a silent agreement to share it".

The drive to his parents' house was quick, Logan pointing to all of the spots that carried memories and special moments.

"That's my mom and my dad is also arriving behind us", he looked at his rear view mirror to check if his father had space to park.

"Hello! Welcome welcome, Y/N!", Daniel smiled and greeted you with a hug as soon as you stepped out of the car.

"Hi! Thank you for taking me in for these couple of days", you giggled.

"Nonsense! We're glad you could join us after all - did you do well in your examinations?".

"Dad!", Logan warned slightly, not wanting you to feel ambushed about it.

"They went well, yes! There's only one mark left and it should come out one of these days", you smiled, walking up to greet Logan's mother at the door.

"Hey sweetie! How have you been?", Madelyn asked, pulling you in for a tight hug.

"Hello! I've been good, and you? I hope it wasn't too much trouble having me here", you told her.

"Oh, no, don't worry! You're Logan's girlfriend, you could never be too much trouble", she offered, letting you in, "How was your flight?".

"It was good", you added, "there wasn't too much trouble with customs either, but it was quite tiring for me, I've never done such a long flight", you chuckled.

"When we got back to Silverstone, I had to take three days to recover from it! And I felt so dirty that I had to shower once we got home", she giggled.

"I might actually do that, if you don't mind - my whole body just feels icky", you admitted, knowing you had just arrived and while it maybe wasn't the way to go, it was something you wanted to do.

"Of course, of course! Logan will help you - I left the towels on your bed", she patted her son's back before he headed up the stairs as you trailed behind after excusing yourself.

You headed straight for the shower after getting your toiletry bag from the suitcase, kissing Logan's lips quickly before. When you exited the ensuite bathroom, Logan was doing his hair in the mirror.

"Don't you look handsome?", you whispered, kissing his cheek, "I must say, I'm a big fan of this longer hair", you mused.

"Thank you, love", he smiled, "are you feeling good enough to go out or do you want to stay at home?", he asked.

"I'm good - that shower really helped", you offered, "let me just get ready and then we can go - are your parents joining us?", you wondered.

"I'll have to ask, but I'm assuming they are - they made reservations for us for lunch too", he let you know.

"Okay, I'll just change quickly and sort my hair out", you kissed his cheek before looking for an outfit on your suitcase.

As soon as you were ready, you headed back downstairs so you could leave the house, Logan's mother insisting that you rode in the passenger seat next to your boyfriend, "it's not everyday we get to be driven around town", she snickered.

They pointed out at different houses of family members you would soon meet along with some friends and spots like their workplaces and favourite shops.

After lunch, Logan drove to his uncle's house, telling you about the little girl who inspired the welcoming cardboard he picked you up from the airport with, "she loves animals too, so be prepared to be ambushed with questions and a show of her stuffed toys", your boyfriend chuckled.

"It's true, Y/N! She has built her own collection and it's quite impressive!", Madelyn added.

The house was similar to Logan's parents', your boyfriend parking the car safely before you got out.

"Welcome Y/N!", an older woman said, "we've been waiting to meet you!", she smiled.

"That's my aunt, my uncle and that's my great aunt - she's my grandmother's sister", Logan said before you greeted them warmly, hearing quick footsteps on the corridor, "and that should be Millie".

A little girl no older than three years old ran up to Logan, hugging his legs and hiding behind them, "why don't you say hello to Y/N, honey?", her mother encouraged her.

Slowly, she peeled herself from the driver's legs, taking a look at you.

You crouched down so you would be in the same level, "hi Millie", you tried.

"How do you know my name?", she asked.

"Logan told me all about you - I loved the glitter you used for my name of the sign he took to get me from the plane", you smiled.

"I have more, do you want to see them, Y/N?", she beamed, stretching out her arm for you to take her hand.

"Go go, Y/N! I'll get some snacks out for us and then you can come down if you want something - we want to have a chat to get to know the girl our nephew's speaks so fondly of!", Logan's uncle winked before Millie pulled you.

Her room was decorated in a jungle theme, animal decals decorating the walls, "do you want to draw with me? Momma got me these with glue so it doesn't get messy", she explained before pulling a chair for herself, "Oh, I don't have one for you, I'm sorry".

"That's alright, love - I'll just sit on the floor", you smiled, kneeling down and getting comfortable.

Millie was an only child and from what Logan told you, there weren't many girls in the family, so she was taking full advantage of having some girly time with you.

"Millie! Poor Y/N has been here for nearly two hours!", Madelyn called for you from the door.

"It hasn't been that long, has it?", you wondered, feeling guilty to have spent that long away from them, "I didn't even notice!".

"Don't worry, honey! It's all good, we were just wondering if you two wanted to eat something", she procured.

"We'll go in a bit, auntie Madelyn! Y/N's nails are not dry yet!", Millie stated, "and I need to ask her a couple more questions about giraffes - did you know they're Y/N's favourite animal? She knows a lot about them!".

"Okay, then! Your momma has some sandwiches for you and little cakes for when you want to come down and join us - no pressure, Y/N, but she might keep you here forever now that she knows you like animals too", your boyfriend's mother squeezed your shoulder.

"Is everything alright?", Logan asked as he watched his mother get back to the living room on her own.

"Millie is holding Y/N hostage, but I think they'll be down here soon!", Madelyn offered, "I think she's in love with her".

"Looks like you've got some competition, man", Daniel told his son.

"She looked to be having a good time - she's such a sweet girl", his aunt said.

"She helps babysitting some kids, and there are not a lot of little ones in her family, and I'm sure Millie has picked her brain about her studies", Logan offered, "she's studying to be a vet".

"She's very lovely", Madelyn said spontaneously, "You would be a fool if you let her slip through your fingers. She's smart, caring, loving - I can tell from the way you look at her", she offered.

She had always been honest with him and she was known for not leaving words unsaid, but to do so in such a spontaneous and open way was surprising to Logan.

"And Millie loves her, and you know how much she hates new people - she has her seal of approval", she smiled before everyone heard giggles approaching.

"We were so entertained and having so much fun that I didn't even notice the time passing by", you apoligised as you sat down next to Logan on the sofa, Millie sitting by the coffee table and munching on the snacks.

"You have some glitter here, babe", Logan pointed out, shaking some of the yellow flakes from your eyebrow.

"I'm a bright star, of course I have it", you joked, giving him a big smile before Millie pulled on your pants' leg.

"Y/N, these are my favourite - momma and I baked them!", she offered you a small biscuit, "these bits here that look like giraffe spots are cinnamon!", the little girl smiled.

"Thank you, Millie", you accepted, taking a bit out of them and humming, "they're very very good!".

"Logan, did Y/N also teach you how to tell apart the different giraffe species?", Millie asked her cousin, choosing to sit on his thighs.

"I think she has, yes - the star shaped ones are the giraffa giraffa, right? And there's the one with 'camel' in the name because of a hump on the neck", Logan offered.

"That's right, Logan!", the little girl cheered as she drank some of the juice her mother offered in her cup.

Conversation flowed between you, his family members asking you questions about you so they could get to know you without delving into matters that you deemed too personal, which you were grateful for, and overall it was just a nice chat.

"Logan used to go around with this cap he had signed by some of the drivers - you must have been what? 10 maybe? I still remember the fight I had with him because he wanted to shower with it", his aunt laughed after clapping her hands once, "he was so adamant that the ink wouldn't budge that I had to show him that it would vanish and then he let me take it away from him".

You were loving all the childhood stories, holding Logan's hand and laughing with them, kissing his cheek once the rest of the group got up to help his aunt in the kitchen once they suggested that you stay over for dinner.

"I was a dorky kid, what can I say?", your boyfriend smiled as blush erupted on his cheeks.

"Shut up, your stories are the cutest!", you giggled, "way better than my 'I wanted to prove I was as tall as my older cousins so I fell in the pool' and 'I cut my own hair because my mum was busy with work and I thought I was helping her' stories", you argued.

"Depends on how you look at them, really", he smiled, stealing a kiss from your lips before Millie came back.

"Y/N, are you staying here with auntie Madelyn and uncle Daniel after Logan leaves?", she asked.

"Do you want me to leave, Millie?", Logan asked, feigning offense with his hand on his chest.

"No, silly - but I know you travel for work, so maybe Y/N could stay here!", she explained.

"I can't, Millie, I have school back home", you offered, noticing her shoulders fall.

"I like having you here, I like you", she muttered.

"I like you too a lot, Millie - how about we play as much as we can while I'm here, hm? You can pick my brain about anything you want, not just giraffes! Do you like tigers? Or cows?", you suggested, diverting the attention to something else.

"Tigers and cows? That's a weird combination", Logan quirked an eyebrow, "my practical exam was about cows and I was studying tigers before I left", you shrugged your shoulders.

.

"You guys can stay here whilst I do the debrief", Logan guided you inside the hospitality, letting you know where everything was in case you needed it.

You, Daniel and Madelyn engaged in conversation, hearing a couple of more stories from Logan's childhood and a few of your own stories from back home.

"It's my mum, sorry, if you'll excuse me", you said before heading outside since the signal was better there.

Once you finished your call to update your parents on how things were going there and here, you felt fabric run over your sandals, looking down to see a small dachshund puppy.

"Hey there, little one", you bent down to pet him, "you look like you're lost, hm? Who do you belong to?", you mused, rubbing his belly once he flopped down.

Behind you, you could hear Alex's and Logan's voice approaching and then you spotted Lily too.

"Hey, Y/N!", she waved, "Since when do you and Logan have a puppy? It's so cute!", she beamed.

"Hi! We don't, I just found him, or he found me I guess", you mumbled.

"This looks like Charles' dog, doesn't he?", she mused again.

"Have you two seen a small dachshund- Oh! Tell Charles he's here!", Logan said as he spotted the dog on your lap while Alex began calling the monégasque driver.

"He's here, Charles!", your boyfriend called once he spotted the Ferrari driver, "Animals just find their way to her, I guess", he joked as he watched you play with the dachshund puppy.

"Look at your puppy teeth - do you know what this one is called? I know, Leo! I go to university so I can treat little ones like you, but also the big ones! Have you met big dogs too?", you mused, all too happy with the puppy who seemed to be happy at the attention he was getting.

Charles approached you as you got up, carrying the puppy and giving him to him, "Oh no, Leo - did you run away from your parents?", you asked the dog, "now, that's not something nice to do, is it? They were probably worried about you, little guy!", you said before letting him go back to Charles.

"Thank you! He seems to have liked you", he pointed out, holding Leo in his arms.

"He just came in here and started playing with my shoelaces", you smiled.

"Leo does that a lot - last week, he found my sandals and he was a puppy on a mission running away from me with them!", Alexandra chuckled.

By the time the sprint race was happening, you sat in the garage and watched the whole race, waiting to see about the penalties they were handing out, seeing Logan ended up with P10.

"That was a good run, though, wasn't it?", you asked your boyfriend once he was able to be with you, "some learning curves for tomorrow at least".

"The balance was a bit off, but we'll look into it", he stated, kissing your forehead before also greeting his parents.

"I'm going to the bathroom", you excused yourself.

After discussing the sprint, his parents took the opportunity that you weren't there to talk to Logan about you.

"She loves you a lot, I can tell - I just hope we haven't been too much for her, this whole things is too much as it is", she gestured to the whole paddock and figuratively to the life her son led.

"The whole media attention definitely isn't her favourite thing, but she's been doing well, we speak about it every now and again to check and make sure we're both well with all of it. She's very private and her friends and family also help a lot with arranging stuff and being careful with those sorts of things", Logan offered.

"She's an incredible young woman, and you two are great together", Daniel complemented his wife's opinion.

All doubts of whether it had been right or not to bring you home for a few days washed away as Logan heard his parents talk about you like you were one of their own, welcoming you into their family so seamlessly and listing and pointing out all of the things that attracted Logan to you in the first place. You fit right in with his family and Logan couldn't be prouder of that.

[re-lmayer]

i've found myself in a bad situation. the tl;dr is i have to move, but i can't afford to. i'm a disabled student and just do not have the funds required to rent a truck, hire movers, and cover deposits. so, i'm offering various services on my kofi, but if you don't need those you can also donate there or via paypal. my cashapp and venmo are both erinshelley91 if you'd like to donate on those platforms (i couldn't figure out how to link to those)

if you can't afford to commission me or to donate, reblogging this post and sharing my twitter thread is a free way to help me out and is so appreciated!

more context and stuff under the cut, i just don't want to make a long post on ppl's dashboards

my landlord has been cheating on his husband, and their relationship is rocky. he also has a massive spending addiction according to his husband. his spending addiction is making him not want to perform the actual duties of a landlord, because investment costs are cutting into his shopping spree funds

ex, he is illegally not fixing a leak in the shower of the upstairs tenants, and claims the costs are more than their rent. he told them to "figure it out, or get the fuck out." (verbatim.) he also told me it would be cheaper for him to not have tenants at all bc his utility bills would be smaller. he then left it to ME to inform another tenant to leave (then gaslit me and denied it in front of his husband when his husband questioned it)

in his words, we have 90 days to leave. i am disabled and a full time student and have been living on my fafsa returns, and the last job i had made one of my disabilities worse to the point i've had intensive physical therapy (several hours several times a week) and am likely going to have to undergo surgery

i'm also mi/nd, so even on a good day i'm not very well equipped to handle things, and the recent stress has also caused my therapist to see me several times a week in lieu of institutionalization

all that said, i'm not in a good spot physically or mentally, hence the best i can do right now is offer some of my skills on kofi

i'm currently working with my state's vocational rehab to try and find a suitable job until i can get my degree, but even then i simply would not be able to afford the costs of a sudden move in the timeframe i've got to work with

UPDATE MARCH 25, 2024: i want to invest in a scooter to do gig work like doordash. this will let me work at my own pace, and earn towards the move myself, then i'll have some more independence to continue doing that after as well

they require 50cc or under, which means i could get a scooter for under $1,000. i'd also need to cover fees to renew my license (i let it lapse since i haven't had a vehicle), get a helmet, and get insurance (roughly $100 annually)

i also made some amazon wishlists for folks who would like to help but prefer to know exactly where their money's going. i have one for housewarming stuff here, and one for necessities here

update as of april 5: my cat peed on my bed, and since it's a memory foam mattress it soaked all the way through and ruined it

update as of april 7: she did it again. this time there's blood in it

update as of april 14: i still haven't been able to take her to the vet, but i've been trying to do at home remedies

[paper-mario-wiki]

hi, i'm not the person who asked you about the life update, but could you elaborate on how being a creator means to live in a world of ideas instead of the real world? i'm just really curious about your reasons for quitting, specially because i want to create things in the future (not necessarily streaming, but anyways), hope you have a good day!

i'll be talking mostly about streaming for the sake of this answer, but this is similarly applicable across a wide range of platforms:

the job of the streamer is, effectively, to be the life of the party every single day. your goal is to be the person that has something interesting to talk about, and is quick with a joke, and has nuanced understandings of certain things, without actually obtaining any sort of "expertise" in anything lest you alienate viewers. short of having a stated goal for a stream, the only goal of the streamer is to let people relax with a voice they enjoy, saying things they like hearing. you can become very strong in different aspects of streaming, like in the production, or as someone who focuses more on a skill they've honed like art or speedrunning, but the demographic of streamers which pulls, by far, the most significant viewership, is personality based streamers.

this becomes more complicated when, for example, you are very interactive with chat, or you stream with multiple people at once. now, to maintain this charismatic sway you have (the one that got you the job in the first place), you must be able to adapt to and bounce off of other people, as you are now no longer performing alone. naturally, there's a need to not only manage your own flow of consciousness, but also to be at least partially in sync with someone else's.

beyond these complications, you must also consider drawing in new viewership. when i was a streamer, i was quite successful, relatively speaking. pulling 300 viewers consistently is something a very slim amount of streamers can actually do, and even then i was still making under 50k a year, which is not bad, but also not good. in paying for my apartment, my insurance, my travel fare, and all the other stuff that living independently draws money out of you with, i was more often in the red than i was in the green. hence, the need to draw in new viewers, which cannot be done without something eye-catching.

think about this: there are, at any given time, TENS OF THOUSANDS of streamers live in your native language on twitch, and they are all FREE TO WATCH. the attention market is sparse because the streamer market is oversaturated. and considering all of THEM want new viewers too, everyone is constantly refining and improving their craft, which requires everyone to move creatively in tandem with each other lest they get left behind.

if you are a streamer making ass-dollars and ass-cents, it becomes easy to begin resenting people like jerma, solely because everything he touches seems to turn to gold. i personally found it easy to feel very disappointed in myself when peoples projects that seemed so simple would take off. it was a constant "why didn't i think of that!" situation, at least for me. and when you don't have the energy to keep that up, or the social stamina necessary to figure that all out while also being upbeat and happy in front of people near daily, it can become very draining.

what i mean specifically when i say the "world of ideas", is like. there would be times where i could schedule out my failures weeks in advance. i'd be so in my own head about the process, i could see the exact path i could see myself taking that would lead me directly to ruin. how playing games i actually enjoyed would steadily drop viewership, or how focusing on my studies would make people forget about me. and of course this is augmented by my anxiety, i know this is absolutely not the case for every streamer, but that overwhelming feeling of needing to find a new game to play, or a new gimmick to use, or a new ploy to get money that doesn't make you feel guilty even though your source of income is mostly queer and mostly poor young adults and your rent is coming up and you're $200 short but you also just had a fundraiser last month about a DIFFERENT emergency but you cant make it a bummer or else people wont want to tune in so you have to make it something fun like "you laugh you lose!" or "$1 art request streams!" while feeling nothing but anxiety while youre trying to sound like youre enjoying yourself even when youre asking 250 people to donate every 30 minutes or so and nobody seems to want to and chat is moving slowly and. and and.

well, it starts to eat away at you.

[basuralindo]

I've been in and out of the ER and urgent care quite a bit over the past two weeks for a medical issue that I almost ignored, and it's had me thinking on the fact that the only reason I was even able to check it out in the first place is because I have free healthcare.

I never would have been able to afford the appointments it took to treat this even if I had insurance. I just don't have the income. The symptoms were vague enough that I would've just tried some ooc treatments and hoped that I could ignore it until it went away. There's a good chance it would've progressed into organ failure.

This is not the first time I've been saved by free healthcare. I have a lot of health problems, and many of them prevent me from earning enough to get above the poverty line. The reason I'm saying this is because that's one of the life threatening things trump is trying to change.

If republicans had their way, I would still be harboring an infection that was making its way towards my organs. I would never have been able to afford the medications keeping me safe right now. I would never have been able to get the surgeries that are allowing me any functional quality of life right now. I wouldn't even be getting treated for asthma.

The point is, if republicans come back into power, if even a small chunk of project 2025 gets implemented, I will not be able to continue treatments that are keeping me around. The inevitable next time something goes wrong with my health, I will not be able to get some vague symptoms checked out and resolved in time. I will not be able to afford intensive treatments or surgeries that would become necessary once the problem advances.

If republicans are given the chance to fuck with healthcare, people like me will very literally die as a direct result.

I don't care how exhausting this whole situation is. I don't care how evil the lesser evil is. I don't care how sick you are of only two choices. I don't care if this whole thing feels like a hostage situation disguised as a democracy. I want to live. So many of us are just desperate to live.

If you're considering not voting as a stance against the system, really ask yourself how many lives you think this stance is worth. Consider finding other ways to make your voice heard.

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

I saw you hc L as autistic so maybe him with an autistic reader who's not the quiet type? (flappy hands, vocal stims, loud music instead of noise cancelling headphones; idk how to explain it)

-🦇

Summary: Headcanons for L Lawliet x reader. Both are autistic, but polar opposites in how they do things/handle their autism.

Credits: L Lawliet- Death Note, Divider- Benkeibear, Cover picture- Pinterest

A/n: Grrr I love getting to write for L! He's such a goober and I love getting to elaborate on my general headcanons for characters <3 ALSO 🦇 anon left a little bit ago, but I am still fulfilling this request they left for me so if you want the anon name, feel free to take it

Thank you so much for requesting!

Autistic!L Lawliet x Autistic!Reader who are polar opposites

L has always been rather quiet, even as a child

He didn't start talking until about 6, and even then he only began talking because it communicated his needs more efficiently

He prefers quiet spaces and being alone, because it allows him to focus more

He also hates chaos or unplanned things. If he has time to plan something out to a T, he can make sure nothing will go wrong, therefore insuring the safety of everyone

This being said, he never thought you were someone he'd remotely like being around, let alone dating you

No offense, but you are literally everything he hates

And when he comes into contacts with the things that make him uncomfortable (such as chaos, loudness, etc) he can get panicky

He will quickly become overwhelmed and irritable, meaning the littlest things can make him snap

If he can't focus how can he save the world? If the world isn't saved by him than who will do it? Panicking isn't helping though, it's making things worse. Oh god, he can't stop! He can't think straight long enough to calm down!

And then kaboom, he basically just shuts down

The second he met you he was on his guard, knowing this likely wouldn't end well

He prefers to not work with people, but he can handle them as long as they're quiet

This is entirely out of the question

As you can guess, your first meeting is almost a disaster

Well, everyone else didn't know it was a disaster of course. They actually thought it went pretty well!

But in actuality, L was completely overwhelmed by you

Not even you actually, just the idea that you might overwhelm him

TLDR: He became overwhelmed thinking about how overwhelmed you might make him, so you essentially did nothing wrong lol

After this, he keeps his distance

Of course though, this makes for a bad work environment

So he nervously invites you into his hotel room and explains things to you

How he feels around you, explaining his autism (which he refuses to do under normal circumstances), and asking you to explain yours as well so he can formulate an arrangement for you to be around each other without causing him to panic

After this communication is had, working together is a lot smoother

He considers you a better acquaintance than the rest of his employees

Meaning he feels closer to you

However, when you begin dating your differences are just another quirk to him that he finds endearing

He loves to see you get excited and flap your hands, he loves to see you dance to your loud music, he loves all of it

If he isn't in the headspace for loudness though, he will of course inform you before going off to be alone

If you want to try to accommodate his preferences into your behaviors is up to you, but he is perfectly happy either way

He finds himself feeling safe around you because of your loudness

Like, you are a German Shepard and he is a hurt bird

He'll hide behind you with his big ol' eyes staring at his surroundings while you fight off anyone that might be too much for him

And being exposed to you all the time helps him expose himself little by little to things that would previously make him very uncomfortable

For example, he can now go out in public without panicking over how many people there are and how many things could go wrong for short bursts of time

And he is now fine with soft music playing in the background while he works rather than just total silence the entire time

He also likes that having you around means you can do the talking for both of you and he doesn't have to actually break his focus for anything

the goobies <33

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Prettier When You're Mine

Dark!Andy Barber x Reader

Author’s Note: Two more chapters on this one

Summary: One year into working with a young, bright and beautiful junior prosecutor, Y/n, who bears an almost uncanny resemblance to Andy’s late wife, Laurie, he finds himself developing feelings for her. Though, when she brushes off his advances, Andy proves that he’ll do whatever it takes to recreate his family.

Disclaimer: 18+ This work contains dark themes, including stalking, dub-con, infidelity and manipulation. Read at your own discretion.

Masterlist Playlist Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Weeks after her visit to Andy's house, Y/n makes an unsettling discovery and Andy reveals an even more sinister truth Warning: mentions of forced sex, mentions of stalking, possessiveness, mentions of pregnancy

Twelve weeks Later

Food poisoning. Stress. A newly developed food intolerance. Some sort of undiagnosed illness. 

Off all the things that could have caused the wave of symptoms she’d been experiencing, two faint, pink lines on a little plastic stick was the last place Y/n figured she’d find her reasoning. Holding the edge of the bathroom counter in a white knuckled grip, she shut her eyes and bent her head. Sniffling softly, she felt a slow, warm trickle down her cheeks and it was a task in itself to quiet her sobs.  

It wasn’t possible- it wasn't supposed to be possible. 

Unless-

“Babe?” A knock on the locked bathroom door made Y/n jump, and hastily wiping at her eyes, she checked her reflection over while emitting a sound of encouragement. “I’m almost ready to leave-”

“Already?” After capping the test and shoving it into the waistband of the back of her pants, she pulled the door open abruptly, causing James- who had been leaning on it- to stumble forward a little. “I didn’t realize it was seven already.”

He glanced at his watch and flashed her a look of concern, “Its actually seven thirty,” reaching out, he cupped the side of her face and she tried to smile, hoping that the sting in her eyes would wait till he’d left. “You’re still sick?” He frowned deeply and then chuckled halfheartedly as he teased, “I thought you were better, you had half a pizza last night.”

Swallowing thickly, Y/n smiled faintly and laid her hand on his forearm, “I’m fine,” she lied. It was hard to keep it together, but the last thing Y/n wanted was to have to explain everything to James when she could hardly make sense of it all herself. “Its just um…my hair is being uncooperative.”

He didn’t look like he believed her, but played along anyway, “Looks great to me,” he bent his head a little too swipe a kiss off her lips. When he pulled away, James searched her eyes and furrowed his brows, “You’re sure that you’re okay?” He moved his hand to slip two fingers under her chin, “Because if you want to stay home, I’ll stay with you or-”

“I’m fine,” Y/n forced herself to smile, “Go to work,” she tiptoed and kissed him again. 

He sighed, “Alright. Alright. And you’re sure you don’t want a ride?” Y/n shook her head in refusal, already deciding that she had other plans and wanting to get out of her current situation as soon as possible. “Okay,” his smile faltered, “Well I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” Y/n blinked quickly, barely holding it together, it was getting harder to lie to him by the second, and all she wanted was a few minutes to break down in peace, “Later.” 

“Love you,” James said softly before kissing her one last time, and with a subtle, unnoticed break in her voice, Y/n returned; 

“Love you too.”

Later that day

Letting out a long, slow breath, Y/n wrung her hands together. She was shaking in her shoes and barely holding it together; it felt like her whole life was falling apart while she’d been reduced to nothing more than a powerless spectator.

She was late to work that morning, having impulsively decided to detour to a local women’s clinic. A free one that time so she wouldn’t have to use insurance or her banking information- the last thing she needed was James finding out about it from anyone but her. It, up to the minute she’d seen the little grainy image on the blueish screen, Y/n had taken to calling the baby in her belly ‘it’. Because it wasn’t possible; it wasn’t supposed to be there. It was going to ruin everything. 

But then she’d seen it and within a second, everything had changed. She fell in love. 

And she was so scared of that love. 

The nurse at the clinic had been alarmed by her very expressive outburst; loud wailing and messy tears. She’d asked if something had happened to put her in that situation, if she needed to see a social worker or wanted a pamphlet on termination. Y/n had refused both. 

“Okay,” Y/n exhaled heavily, touching her lower stomach, “Let’s do this.” 

Another breath. 

Clenching her fist so tight she could feel her nails leaving crescent shaped bruises on her palms, Y/n knocked on the door. She would have just gone in, she wanted to, but Y/n also wanted to prolong her final moments spent in denial. 

“Come in.”

Another breath. A bigger one. 

Turning the knob, Y/n crept inside and shut the door behind herself. Her throat suddenly felt dry and when he looked up from his work, and when he flashed her an unsuspecting, innocent gaze she felt rage boil in her center. They hadn’t talked about what had happened at his house, Andy for one had seemed to have forgotten, making Y/n wonder if he’d been that drunk. 

She’d even started wondering if it had all been a dream because how could he forget when she thought about it everyday? 

“Y/n,” he folded his arms, “You’re-”

Late. For a lot of things. 

“I know,” she cut him off hastily, “We need to talk.”

It might have been her tone, or just the weight of her words, but Andy sat up straighter, relaxing into the back of his chair and knitted his brows. Frowning, he asked, “What is it?” Y/n hesitated, and he though he encouraged her to sit, she remained standing, “Sweetheart if you don’t-”

“Please don’t call me that,” she cut him off hastily, shaking her head, “You have no idea-” Her voice broke with emotion and she sniffled loudly.

"Hey," Andy crooned, standing and crossing the floor to come near her. Though, when he reached to touch her face, Y/n filched, and his jaw tightened in response. With a scoff, he raised his hands in mock surrender and stepped away to lean on the edge of a bureau against the wall while she lingered near the chairs at his desk

Peeved by his reaction but still crippled with anxiety, Y/n whispered, “This is really important.”

“I wouldn’t know, you haven’t told me yet,” he shrugged and she wasn't sure if his disregard was coming from his annoyance with her or just the fact that he seemed to enjoy seeing her vulnerable. When she still didn’t speak, Andy started again, “I want to help you, but-”

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out, refusing to look at him. 

Andy huffed, straightening his back as his grip on the edge of cupboard loosened, “Congratulations.”

Lifting her head, her jaw dropped when she realized his apparent amusement, “No, you don’t understand,” Y/n explained in a panic, “I’m twelve weeks pregnant and....." For a moment, she considered telling him about James' infertility, but Y/n didn't think she wanted him to know that much about her personal life. "It doesn't matter," she shook her head, "You're probably the father." Most likely.

Andy scoffed a chuckle, “I know. How's that for your ten percent?” 

Her lips quivered and Y/n felt like the room was spinning. As heavy breaths threatened to turn into a full on panic attack, she reached for the back of the closest chair for support. “What?”

“I know,” Andy repeated, licking his lips before he stood, slipping his hands into the pockets of his black trousers, “I know...everything. About James; the accident and his……little problem.”

Slapping her hand to her mouth, Y/n emitted a choked sob. “Oh my god,” her words were muffled into her palm, “You knew.” Andy came to stand behind her, laying one hand on her shoulder while the other snaked around to flatten on her stomach. There wasn’t a visible bump there yet, but there was a distinct firmness that she’d only started noticing earlier the last week.

“Don’t touch me,” as a whirlpool of emotions engulfed her, Y/n shoved him off, “How did you know?” 

A car wreck when he was sixteen temporarily left James paralyzed from the waist down and had permanently left him unable to have children. He’d been up front about the whole thing when they’d first started getting serious, and they’d even had a battery of tests run after they’d moved in together, just to be sure. For years, Y/n had promised, him and herself, that she didn’t care that they would never have biological children, and for years, it was true. She was okay with it being just the two of them for the rest of their lives, she was okay with adoption if they ever decided to have children.

But then she’d seen that couple at the doctor’s office and the most intense mixture of jealousy and heartbreak had overwhelmed her to the point of wondering if she actually was okay with never being able to get pregnant, or if she was just going along with it because she loved him. 

“Give a dirty cop three thousand dollars and he’ll show you the world,” Andy taunted, reaching out to touch her face and clicking his tongue when she slapped his hand away, “You don’t have to be upset, I'm giving you what you want.” 

“I didn’t want it like this!” She laid a hand over her stomach protectively, “You can’t do this to me, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” Andy stepped forward to box her in, “Have a abortion? I know you don’t want that, else you wouldn’t be here right now. And don't you think for a second that you’re gonna pass my baby off as his.”

“Who’s to say you can stop me from doing either?”

The thought had crossed her mind when she determined that Andy was her baby’s father; she could lie to James and let him think they’d run into a miracle, or she could have an abortion at the women’s clinic and move on with her life. But Andy was right, she wanted that baby and lying to James for the rest of their lives wasn’t something she could bring herself to do. Their relationship had been built on trust and honesty, if they raised that child together and he somehow found out that it wasn’t his, he’d be devastated and everything they had would be ruined. 

And Andy deserved to know that he had a baby out there, at least, that was the fact that Y/n had convinced herself of on the cab ride over to the office. 

In an instant, Andy had her by the neck, holding her against the door. His grip wasn't tight enough to completely cut off her air, but it was firm and hurt. “You won’t,” Andy snarled, letting her throat go in favor of grabbing the the neckline of her blouse and pulling her up to his face, “You get rid of this baby and I will fucking kill you,” he shoved her against the door again, eliciting a frightened gasp, “And you tell him that its his, or try to run away or do whatever that brilliant little mind of yours can come up with and I will hunt you down and kill him with my bare hands. And you will never see this child again.”

“Why are you doing this?” She shuddered, voice quiet and scared. 

He was proving to truly be a monster. To be all the things she’d heard about him; the kind of man that could raise a murderer- because he was capable of being one himself. 

When he let her blouse go, his demeanor shifted completely. With newfound gentleness, Andy's eyes softened and he smoothed his hand over the wrinkles on her blouse. Trailing his fingers down her body he stopped to cradle the front of her hips, thumbs rubbing slow circles in the area a couple inches below her navel. “How can you ask me that?” He frowned, “I’m doing this for you- for our family. I just want our family back.”

A hitched noise contained in her throat followed the return of a thought she’d had back at his house; it was never about her. “I’m not her, I’m not Laurie.”

Andy’s long lashes fluttered as his gaze flitted to meet hers, “You’re not,” he agreed, touching her face gently, “You’re so much better. She was weak and stupid. She killed my baby boy,” he leaned his forehead against hers and while she was scared to the point of her blood running like ice water, Y/n didn't dare move away, “But you’ll protect our baby, I know it. You'll be such a good wife and an even better mother, I knew it from the moment we met.”

“I love my fiancee,” she whimpered. 

“No,” his mood shifted suddenly and Andy grabbed her by the shoulders, holding Y/n to the door, though not violently. “I see the way you look at me. You feel the same way I do,” he pressed urgently, “This is the way its supposed to be.”

“This the way you made it,” Y/n counted fearfully. 

He scoffed, bemused again, “Call it divine intervention.” Though his grip on her shoulders was bruising, Andy used his thumb to trace affectionate circles into the fabric of her coat, "Now,” his tone dropped again, “I’ve told you what happens if you make the wrong decisions. So you’re going to do as I say, and we’re going to fix this, together.”

[pixeldistractions]

I said I wanted an adventure:

And oh boy, life delivered. Sadly, it won’t be the airplane adventure we were planning. That’s going to be postponed for a little while.

Warning: walls of text and real-life shit. (Serious wall of text, I’m not even joking.)

Long story short, hubby was laid off from the job that has kept us in a cushy living for the past fifteen years, the job that has given me the luxury of being 85% a stay-at-home mom to both of my kids in their younger years. We kind of saw it coming, and we’re not totally scared. He got a severance package and health insurance for six months. On my end, my books don’t make much money, but I’m telling you, I am a squirrel when it comes to money, mine and his, and I’m not bad at investing. We’ll be okay for a bit.

So, I’m not scared. Yet. But wow, how things can change in the blink of an eye.

For one, we’ll probably move. I don’t know where. The timing is kind of miraculous, with one child graduated and one not yet in kindergarten, we’re free to go wherever we please right now. It was never my dream to move to northern Virginia in the first place. It’s hot and muggy here, and the people are transient, snobby, and kind of boring. My vote is to move back home to Michigan, but when it comes to the bottom line, we gotta pay the bills, so we’ll go wherever he finds work next. He is talented and I know he’ll find work again, but where and what and for how much is up in the air. All I know is northern Virginia is expensive af and we can’t stay here for long if he’s not earning what he did before.

And I don’t really want him to take another corporate job? Not now, in our forties, having spent ALL of our fucks. I’m not sorry he did that kind of work before, because it was a good financial decision for our family, but it wasn’t always fun. He found it stressful and soulless. Unlimited vacation time, haha, as long as you keep your nose to the grindstone and keep your lips ready for the ass-kissing. Anyway.

So we could be elsewhere, and that would be totally okay by me. I don’t want to stay here. I want to move back home to Michigan. My heart sings for it. My whole family is there. The lakes, the forests, the arts, the farms. I’d cash out our investments to buy some land and a modest house in as much cash as we can. And I’ll have some chickens and goats and tomato plants (because it’s the only thing I could ever get to grow). It’s not out of the question. On the other hand, sometimes families in our situation try and try and are still out of work after a couple years, and that nest egg chips away and dwindles to nothing, especially now and especially in the tech field like he is with layoffs everywhere, especially after 6 months when health insurance premiums come due. Yay, America!

So, I don’t know anything about my future right now. Is that scary, or exciting? Both maybe? For now, for the next few months/year, I don’t think very much will change on my end except the timing. I was talking a couple weeks ago about feeling the call to get back to publication writing. I was planning to get serious about it soon, and very serious about it next school year when my youngest is in full-day kindergarten. (He has one more year of preschool first.) But, hey, I guess maybe now would be a better time to hustle some fiction for cash? Granted, I’m still mostly a full-time caregiver to a four-year-old with needs, and those short preschool days fly by. Also considering sick days and snow days, little kids aren’t actually in school very much at all. But I am itching to get back to work, I’m feeling that call, and now it’s also more of a necessity that I work smart (for money) with my little 10-15 hours a week of free time.

As for the state of my blogs and sims stories… Well, it was a pure luxury to be able to sit on my butt and work on Sims stories when my kid went to preschool for three hours a day, 3-5 days a week. It was a privilege—one that I have now lost. Life happens, and things change. It is what it is. And now it’s not really responsible for me to spend all of my free time writing stories of this scope for freebies.

Boxes and Squares is only halfway finished, and the second half is just as large as the first. It took me over a year to complete what I have so far. And where we’re at now, it’s such a special part of the story, an important turning point and the culmination of a lot of things. I was very much looking forward to it. But it’s also LONG. Simming the whole thing would take a lot of time that I don’t have to spend anymore. But I think I’ve come up with a way to not totally quit.

I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I always hoped to bring this story to books someday. I always wondered if it might be better suited to the general book fiction/literary market. It’s floundering here on Simblr. Five, dear, beloved people were reading it. I love you guys. But why did it never catch on in all this time? I could never really figure out why it was so invisible here. Maybe the pictures were ugly. Maybe the conflict was too tame. Not enough vampires? Not enough guns or murder? Never learned to use ReShade properly? Does my breath stink? Maybe I don’t really want to know the answer in the end.

It’s meant for other things, if anything at all. Maybe nothing at all, but who knows. Maybe it’ll find its niche someday elsewhere. I love this story (why, oh why do I love it so?), and I can’t quit it. I couldn’t quit if I tried. The story of these wandering misfits is so personal and interesting to me, and I need to see it through to the end.

I have to say, with certainty now, I’ll finish it out in books. I’ve already started tinkering with the first few chapters of a newly imagined beginning. And oh, it’s sparkling! It begins with a reimagined work field trip scene, with Jordan and Maria on a soggy farm in the cold rain. I don’t know if it’ll do well in the general book market, but I can say I have had fun drafting it here and I will have fun finishing it out in books. I always wanted to try a series format story in books. It’s looking like it’ll be about 8-9 novella/short-novel sized chunks. Anyone who was reading here will get free ebook copies, of course. Hell, if I ever meet you in person, I’d hand you a signed paperback, too. Shipping fees are a bitch, though, or else I’d mail them.

As I’ve been picking at these book drafts the past couple weeks, I’m quickly remembering how freeing it is to write in full text. Not having to compromise my vision according to what I might be able to do in game or with poses, not having to fight with game glitches and crashes and broken mods before I can even begin the work. The words do as I tell them to, and nothing is off limits if I have the words to describe it! Returning to that feels quite magical. I might be a little rusty at this after so many years away, but I remember how it goes. Muscle memory, decades of practice, so much trial and error under my belt already. I know what I’m doing here. It’s comfortable and it’s good.

But I was so excited to share book 5. I really, truly was. It contains some of my favorite scenes in the whole story! I’m sad to leave the story hanging where it is, even though, perhaps, if you look at it just right, chapter 4.5 did offer some resolution for the story to land on.

So, to the five of you who were reading my story and do care, thank you for reading this thing! Your likes and comments meant the world to me as I poured my heart and soul into this quiet little story. And I hope this compromise will work for everyone. And if it doesn’t, I’m sorry.

Which is not to say I’m going to abandon the sims entirely. I’ve been playing sims since 2003 and writing sims stories since 2008. I love seeing my characters and their world visually. In a way, it’s been an outlet for the sad reality that I’ll never be able to draw a graphic novel, lol!

So you’ll still see my sims from time to time. Updates won’t come as frequently as I was able to do before. It will look different, but I’d love to keep my timeline puttering along, if I can. You’ll see gameplay shenanigans and maybe some mini stories. Even B&S characters, you’ll still see them on here, going about their lives. I couldn’t stop it if I tried. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be playing my sims just as I have since I discovered Sims 1. And maybe in a couple years, when my youngest is in school full time and our financial situation will have hopefully settled, I might be able to do another hefty sims story again. But for now, things will be different. Life happens, and things change.

I’m still going to finish “Miserable Ghost Story,” too, which is a traditional stand-alone novel. And I have many more WIPs than that to finish. I have another old dear novel that I’ve been picking at for 20 years that I’d like to see the light of day sometime. I have a couple more spin-offs from the EWTF and F&B set, too. It’s in my best interest to buckle down and finish all the WIPs I can. I have so many of them, after all. Earn three bucks a copy, invest it and turn it into ten. That’s my game. I was a finance major in college for a hot minute before I became an English major. I can be artsy-fartsy and business-minded all at once.

All this to say, regretfully, stories will not return in mid-August as I had planned. But they will return eventually, in some shape or form, as soon as I can settle my brain from the spinning. And, I guess, update my game and mods for the new pack.

And if there’s any luck in the world, maybe next year I’ll be living on Lake Michigan, writing my stories, taking care of my kids and acres of property and maybe some goats. Goat cheese and romance novels, isn’t that the dream? Graciously accepting any prayers or well wishes, please and thank you!

[andi-dromeda]

This is art for my New All Caste au. Basically, Jason wants to rebuild the all caste in order to keep the culture alive and also to have more people who can fight the untitled. Since Essence is busy sharing a body with Isabel, Jason decides he’ll do it on his own. He was the only human to be able to learn how to wield the all blades and the all blades are connected to his soul so he uses some random magic item to find people with souls like his. The two people he finds first are Tara and Grant. So now he has to redeem them according to all caste standards so murder is fine but other than that Jason’s got his work cut out for him.

In this au, they did all die at some point but stayed dead long enough for all of them to have ended up roughly the same age. Originally when Jason was 13, Tara was 15 and Grant was 20 but now they’re all roughly twenty. I keep saying ‘roughly’ because Jason was in a coma and unresponsive for a bit so if you ignored that year then he’d probably be more like nineteen.

Also, since I don’t think I’d be able to handle the whole cannon Tara and Slade situation with the gravity it requires and since I just prefer them to have a slightly messed up mentor mentor dynamic, Slade never groomed Tara. Or at least not that kind of grooming. He still probably wasn’t the best to her but nothing romantic or sexual ever happened. He treated her and saw her just like the rest of his kids so whilst she’d still have issues because of him, it won’t be those kind of issues.

Once Grant came back to life he decided not to reconnect with his family because whilst he did miss Joey, this was his chance to have a life completely separate from his parents and he wasn’t going to pass that up. Mostly he just hung out with his old pall Jade and did jobs with her until Jason showed up.

Jason met Tara first and when he gave her his sales pitch she was living with Slade, Tanya, Rose and Poppy. She’d just gotten into a fight with Slade and took up Jason’s offer because he promised health insurance, dental, free food, living in the Chamber of All where no one but Jason and S’ara could get to, and getting magic swords by the end of it which she could brag about to Rose sounded like a pretty good deal. However, after her many bad experiences she isn’t exactly the most trusting person so gave him a fake name - Rocky. (I know it’s silly but if she used Terra as an alias, Rocky isn’t completely out of the question.)

When he gave the pitch to Grant, Grant said he’d go if he got payed and after being Red Hood for a while Jason had gotten a lot of money he mostly just spent on reinvesting in Gotham but still had more than he knew what to do with. He figured rebuilding the all caste was a good enough goal to spend money on so agreed and Grant joined the team.

From there they take a while to get along with each other. They take even longer to figure out who everyone is. Grant never heard of Tara and Jason only heard bits and pieces from Dick when he’d visit but Dick never talked a lot about her because either she’d already betrayed them or was just a plain headache to deal with. Grant died before Jason became Robin so would only know him as the Red hood guy whose friends with Jade’s ex and Tara would have probably only heard about Jason through Rose. Granted she wasn’t paying that much attention. Whilst they all vaguely know the others are capes too, no one actually bothered to mention their identities so it takes Tara inviting them to a family dinner for them to all figure out who the others are.

Also random things:

Terra loves to wind Grant up because he reacts more than Jason. Jason and Grant are the first to start getting along and bond over their shared interests like swords, hating Dick Grayson and some niche metal band no one else has ever heard of. Whilst Jason teaches them to meditate, Tara likes to move rocks until someone else notices. One time she made the ground she was sitting on hover up to ten feet in the air until Grant noticed (if you ask him, he’ll say he realised she was gone because it was too peaceful).

@autisticrosewilson

[theoceanoasis]

Ohhh where's Optimus taking cat!Hot Rod and cat!Soundwave? Can we get a part two to that please?

On the way to the airport Soundwave was yowling and biting at the cage. When he looked over he could see the rage in his eyes.

"You didn't have to go, you chose this."

Of course he didn't listen. Continuing to try and free himself. With a sigh he parked the car and opened his bag.

Inside were sleeping pills for pets. He didn't want to give them to either cat. However Soundwave was determined to get out and would probably try to crash the plane in retaliation.

Of course he knew the cat wasn't going to eat the pill at least not without force. Glancing at the time. He was relieved he decided to come here early because this was going to take awhile.

It took a long time. The moment he opened the cage Soundwave launched himself at him. Hot Rod tried to stop him as he grabbed the cat by the back of his neck. The two then struggled with him trying to push the pill into his mouth and Soundwave fighting back.

By the time he was done he'd been scratched and bitten all over. Both of his hands were bleeding and he was exhausted.

After he gave Soundwave his pill. He scooped Hot Rod up before he could fight back and shoved it down his throat.

He felt a little bad being rough with his own cat. However he was the one who decided to mate with Unicrons incarnate.

When he glanced at the time he cursed. Despite being early he was now behind schedule because it had taken so long.

He rushed inside the airport and luckily managed to make it just in time.

When the plane landed he grabbed Hot Rod and Soundwave, who were just starting to wake up. Soundwave was sleepily glaring at him and he laughed. Even on drugs he still looked angry.

He rented a car and got insurance because of Soundwave. He wouldn't be surprised if he intentionally ruined the car in retaliation.

He looked around the neighborhood trying to find the right house. Feeling excited for Hot Rod knowing he was going to like the surprise.

When he found the right house he parked and looked at the two cats who were now awake. Hot Rod was looking around in excitement and Soundwave was still trying to free himself.

Grabbing the cats he stepped outside and knocked on the door.

"Optimus?"

"Yes and you must be Brainstorm?"

The man nodded letting them inside.

"My cat should be around here somewhere."

He opened the crate and Soundwave slowly walked out with Hot Rod behind him.

"I thought you only has one cat."

"That Unicron spawn of a cat right there is not mine. My cat just has horrible taste."

Brainstorm laughed and he watched Hot Rod look around sniffing the air, curious about where he was.

There was a meow nearby and Brainstorm reached down picking up his own cat and putting him near Hot Rod.

The two cats tensed their fur puffing up slightly as they stared at each other. Soundwave looked about ready to intervene in case the other cat attacked. Hot Rod slowly walked forward as the two smelled each other.

He nervously watched worried Hot Rod would be rejected. When the other cats tail stuck up and then he began enthusiastically licking Hot Rod and meowing.

"Looks like Perceptor remembers his kitten."

Hot Rod pressed against his carrier in excitement. The two of them speaking in a language they couldn't understand. Although they could tell they were both happy to be reunited.

[roo-bastmoon]

Incredibly lucky to even be here

I just realized, exactly one year ago today (May 11th) I was diagnosed with endometrial stromal sarcoma and given less than a 34% chance of survival. I'm incredibly, miraculously lucky to be well and cancer-free today. I owe that to my amazing doctors, and also in a small way to BTS.

The moment I got told I had cancer, I immediately decided to only entertain thoughts of complete health and victory. It was a pure and immediate defense mechanism and I stuck to it. So no sad songs or movies or TV shows. No online drama. No negative nellies or naysayers. No stressful projects at work. No arguments, no entanglements, no regrets.

For months, I would focus only on laughter and quality time with loved ones and things that brought me joy, even as I had to deal with practical stuff like creating a will and a pet trust and filling out life insurance forms and undergoing test and surgeries.

BTS (and Jimin, as my "recruiter") gave me moments of grace and beauty and art and warmth and giggles--and kind ARMYs gave me a sense of belonging and community, especially during a dark and terrifying time, when in the quiet of the early morning hours, the sense that my own body was my worst enemy would eat at all my mental defenses. I could switch on my phone, go to the timeline, and ARMY and BTS would be there.

If I seem to be very Pollyanna-ish or boringly polite these days, it's because I decided one year ago to focus on what I want instead of giving energy to what I don't. I know bad things are very real and they need to be confronted--of course! But I also know that depression, anger, and fear can erode the myelin sheath wrapped around our nerve endings and weaken the walls in the chambers of our hearts; that toxic emotions can bleach our hair of color and rob our nails and skin of suppleness; that negativity can lengthen our immuno-response times to bruises and cuts.

So if other folks get a thrill, a hit of adrenaline, from drama and trash talking in our fandom, more power to them, I guess. It must serve them in some way I don't understand. Me? I find meanness and pettiness draining and damaging. So I'll never do that. I'll never rudely call someone out in public or go on their blog to rant or snipe openly about members or fellow ARMY. I will just keep myself to myself and do my best to be authentic and kind and hard working.

Doesn't always work. I'm human. I will absolutely make mistakes (case in point--the campaign idea yesterday that could have really harmed Jimin. I didn't think about all the consequences and I'm so grateful to the people who patiently set me straight.) Please know that if you ever feel strongly I'm going in the wrong direction, you can always speak to me--I'll ask a million questions, I'll hear you out, and I'll try to be flexible in my mindset. You don't have to hide behind throw-away accounts or talk to others about me. I will do my best to always be kind and act in good faith with everyone. (But I'll likely still make some mistakes, because my intentions are good but I myself am not perfect.)

By and large, I feel I'm just really astronomically lucky to be here. I know the kind of cancer I had is very sneaky and could come back at any time. So how I spend my time left in this life matters to me. I want to be a source of good in the world, help other people, experience bliss and celebrate good things. I don't want to be selfish or destructive. If I start to go that way, I know good friends will gently call me back.

Like BTS, I want to connect with people and help build something worthy. So if you're on board with that, let's be friends. And if you're not, let's part amicably.

I just... figured I should probably say that... out loud. So that's that on that.

Love you guys,

Roo

[ooooshetriesss]

Announcement/Update Cat parents of MALE CATS SPECIFICALLY! If their under 8 &/or u’ve yet to learn about ‘the possibility of obstruction (something that CAN & WILL happen to certain genetically predisposed cats; swap them to wet food for their safety & PLEASE READ)

Hey guys💔 Todays rope had to be canceled. I had to rush one of my boys to ER. It was pretty serious, pretty scary & after 2 days I was finally able to bring him home but, I’m gonna have to keep an eye on him.Because of his size & the meds he needed; they hit him heavy so, he needs help going to the bathroom & using the water bowl.

Thank you to everyone whose reached out via IG as this was going down; if I didn’t get back to you, my apologies; it’s been a bit hectic but Im sincerely grateful for everyone’s concern.

IF U HAVE MALE CATS; SWAP THEM TO WET FOOD FOR THEIR SAFETY if u wanna spare a 1k vet bill,

(I was so shocked to hear both the vet & a lot of my fellow cat owners say “yeah it’s common, most ppl just don’t find out their cats intolerant till the worst happens; & because cats mask so well; at that point, it can truly be serious…)

I know Miami is densely populated but not everyone is 10 mins away from a vet. Also times are tough; I cannot stomach the idea of someone losing their cat cause they didn’t have 1000$ on standby (which who the fk has that these days)

I want to make this last part exceptionally clear..,

I am someone who has had a job since before I was legally allowed to obtain one… I’m one of millions of Americans who couldn’t afford college nor qualify for financial aid… I have worked to the BONE In everything from service industry, to blue collar, to maintenance(both in terms of house keeping & even assembling & maintenance of salt water aquariums..was even a groutsmith) like most Americans, I’ve never had insurance & lived paycheck to paycheck + have made just enough to get by since I was 15.

I didn’t have ‘luxurious purchases’ I had medical bills I couldn’t even afford a regular minimum payment on… I didn’t save for ‘exuberant trips’ … I saved to get a weeks worth of groceries…

I never bought a car..: but some days I spent just as much as I made just to get to work ..(& while the men were praised for riding their bikes & showing “that type of initiative…” I was berated for showing up to work “in such a condition” “It doesn’t matter u come in early /before we open to “fix urself up”

When YOU WALK IN THRU THAT DOOR, U WALK/TALK/COME IN LIKE UR ALREADY ON THE CLOCK… U SHOULD BE COMING IN EARLY ANYWAY (just for them to yell at u for actually coming in early)

The ONLY REASON, I (someone who would literally run into a burning building & d*e for their animals; for animals who weren’t even mine) someone who would miss meals so they could eat THE best food…someone who LOVES & is DEDICATED to their creatures, who would do ANYTHING for them, & MOST importantly..

Someone who was DUMB/NAIVE ENOUGH to be ‘the hardest worker in the room for souless companies/selfish ppl for 30+ yrs was ONLY CAPABLE of getting my baby THAT care NOT because of a “traditional (what yall call ‘honest days work’) IT WAS BECAUSE OF WHAT IS CONSIDERED SW. full fucking stop.

& because I had a women who had both a virtually non interest credit card AND my back♥️ (I’ve told u once, I’ll say it again; Grandmas a gangster)

I know SM likes to frame SW as an option for women who “don’t feel like working/ want expensive luxuries things & are looking for a free ride..”

What we’re lookin for is a career that allows us to still man the ship the way we need to, we’ve been expected to..

It allows us not just means for survival, but the capacity to do so WHILE we continue to be the caretakers of our family & (for some particularly exceptional women) the caretakers of our community…

I wanna make it SO clear this is NOT A DIG to ANYONE, ESPECIALLY the vet& staff that helped us & are appreciated SOOO DEEPLY. These are ppl who are overwhelmed, burnt out like the rest of us, expect unlike nurses, they usually aren’t given a 1/4 of the respect other medical professionals are. PLEASE be kind to them. (I know it’s difficult when emotions are high)

But while this was not my regular content, I know ALOT animal lovers on here… times are tough, there only gonnna get tougher… information is invaluable..

1 week before this happened; 1 woman made a video sharing how she JUST lost her MALE CAT (due to this)

Because of THAT video, I was aware this could even happen…

Because of a incredible vet & her team who TRUSTED me when I said “I will figure out the money, u have my WORD” my boy is safe & while expensive; they made it as affordable as possible…

And because of another woman who had my back w/a piece of plastic at the drop of a hat, I was able to bring him home.

And because of some incredible supporters & community like yall who like my content & share it, push it into the algo, find me on other platforms s & interact, even if they can’t financially contribute.. because of being lucky enough to be supported; I was able to make that happen for my boy. Every single variable is what came together to keep him here today & my heart… can’t even think of how to properly thank you all.

The community looked out for me.. & while this post may be all I have to give back ATM.. it’s what I got..

MALE CATS=WET FOOD TO BE SAFE!!!

(Also, CONSTANT FRESH WATER SOURCE BOTH BY & away from their food ; by their food so they have some to access while eating & some away so it stays fresh & can help them pass more easily.)

Love u guys xoxoxo.

We’ll be resuming to our regular scheduled content next week lol

Till then, xoxoox - hummingbird + ‘Fil’ @ooooshetriesss

[ashleywool]

health update/diatribe/infodump BUT THERE'S A CAT VIDEO AT THE END

Dearest reader: This should be a simple health update, but instead, it's an obnoxiously detailed info-dump written by the kind of person who knows more than most people about American health insurance but is still surprised at how it continues to find new and innovative ways to suck. If this is not the type of thing your brain or nervous system wants to wrap itself around, I don't blame you one bit, but if it is, I hope you'll at least walk away having learned something or being at least mildly entertained. If not, feel free to

SCROLL TO THE END FOR A HTDIO-ADJACENT CAT VIDEO!

When last we left our third-or-fourth-favorite mildly niche-famous T-list Broadway person, she was finally on the brink of getting a brain and pituitary MRI. This was supposed to happen on Friday.

But I wasn't allowed to get the MRI on Friday because Cigna's pre-authorization was still pending and there was nothing my doctor could do to escalate its urgency, nor could they withdraw the order. They couldn't do anything at all until the third-party organization that approves the pre-authorizations signed off on its medical necessity.

Look, I get it. This is an expensive and labor-intensive procedure, so they have to be thorough. I mean, sure, my doctor said it was medically necessary, and sure, they sent the additional clinical information to confirm its medically necessity, and sure, every order at every stage was marked as urgently medically necessary, and it was sent for processing on Monday, but how can they REALLY be sure it's medically necessary until my case is also reviewed by doctors who have NEVER seen me, and don't work weekends or holidays, and will get around to reviewing it at their own leisure? The folks at the radiology clinic rescheduled me in their next available spot and maintained that they'd contact me as soon as possible to fill any upcoming cancellation spots.

A ridiculous mildly annoying setback was that their next available appointment wasn't until July 26. They couldn't attempt to book me at any of the other dozens of clinics affiliated with this hospital network, because the pre-authorization is site-specific, which is like buying someone a gift card from the Starbucks on my block only to find out that they won't honor it at the Starbucks two blocks down perfectly reasonable, because I'm sure every site has differences that can't be perceived from a patient perspective.

Oh, and the existence of a pending pre-authorization prevented them from doing the MRI that day even if I'd had $8K in cash to pay out of pocket for the procedure. Which is perfectly reasonable, because why shouldn't American healthcare policy punish rich people too? I'm sure it's many flavors of unethical for one doctor to do something without the approval of another doctor even though the doctor whose approval it hangs on has NEVER SEEN ME.

One fellow in particular--I'll call him Quincy--gave me some insider info on how to prepare for the types of advocacy he's had to do in the past with this particular pre-authorization team, and which numbers to call and questions to ask. He isn't technically supposed to know this stuff and also isn't technically supposed to share it, but says he does it all the time anyway--hence why I'm keeping him anonymous. Quincy isn't his real name, but Quincy is a real one, and I took in his information like a medieval warrior selecting the choicest armor to prepare for battle the informed and fully compliant patient I strive to be.

Anyway, a few persistent phone calls later, a Cigna rep informed me that the middlemen would approve the pre-authorization for the MRI on the condition that I get the procedure done at a standalone radiology facility instead of a hospital-affiliated facility. Which is like buying someone a gift card that could only be honored at Starbucks kiosks located inside Target stores, but not at a standalone Starbucks or anywhere else in Target perfectly reasonable, I know the insurance companies don't wanna have to spend hospital prices any more than I do. So I spent a great deal of time yesterday looking up non-hospital-affiliated radiology clinics that were in-network.

I made an appointment with one clinic for Thursday. But I also made an appointment request at a different clinic for Monday morning, just in case they could see me sooner--because I knew this clinic didn't accept Medicare or Medicaid, and were therefore exempt from the requirement of third-party pre-authorization. (Pro-tip: even if you do have Medicare or Medicaid, always try to bypass pre-authorization for diagnostic procedures, especially if you have a particularly high in-network deductible--it's entirely possible that paying out of pocket for a service at an out-of-network provider could cost less than the amount you'd have to pay towards your deductible at at in-network facility. American math.)

THIS MORNING, I woke up at 8am to a phone call from the latter clinic, saying that if I sent them the doctor's prescription, they could pre-authorize the procedure and see me tomorrow. So that's what I did...and then I got an email saying that they couldn't accept a prescription for an MRI with and without contrast because they don't have contrast at that facility. Which is like finally securing a coveted reservation at an elite steakhouse only to find out they don't season their steak or even have steak sauce perfectly reasonable, because not everyone needs contrast, but I do, so that place was out.

But as far as I've been told, Thursday's appointment should go off without a hitch as long as I call EviCore (the pre-authorization middlemen) tomorrow morning to tell them all about the not-hospital that will be giving me a not-hospital-priced MRI, so that they can grant the pre-authorization at long last.

Perhaps if I plead my case and bat my eyes at them real cute-like through the phone, they'll give me some other reason why it's actually not medically necessary for me to know definitively whether or not I have a literal brain tumor I can get seen even sooner than Thursday.

FUNNY STORY THOUGH...

A couple weeks ago I was talking to a friend from church who was going through a lot of the same stuff as I was, and I was like "idk, maybe get your cortisol checked?" and lo and behold, he messaged me back a few days ago saying that he'd found a new doctor and asked him to do just that, and WITHIN A DAY his doctor ordered ALL the labs I'd fought for (serum blood cortisol, low-dose dexamethasone suppression test, 24-hour urine, saliva, etc.) AND an MRI for suspected Cushing's.

And he completed ALL OF THAT within a week.

Although he did have to suffer for quite a while before I floated the possibility of Cushing's, just like my friend Alan had to suffer for years before his own endocrinologists floated the possibility of Cushing's. Still, they both got that MRI the second it WAS floated, without a fight, and I'm genuinely happy for them.

But I can't help wondering how much quicker and easier this whole process would have been for me if I were a man. Or if I was neurotypical. Or if I still had a choice about whether or not to disclose being autistic. But mostly if I were a man.

THIS IS THE END! HERE IS THE HTDIO-ADJACENT CAT VIDEO YOU WERE PROMISED!

I'm fostering my friends' exquisite tuxedo princessfloof for a few weeks. Chevy and Tex are being very accommodating foster siblings, but she's much younger and is used to being the only pet, so naturally it took her a while to acclimate.

But there was one thing she took to immediately: the How to Dance in Ohio fidget spinner.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I'd like to illustrate a problem here for a second about documentation and having ID expire every 5 years or whenever you move, while disabled in Canada, or at least Ontario.

To renew ID you need 3 pieces of documentation, one for proof of citizenship/status/immigration etc, like your birth certificate or registration etc, one for proof of residence like personally addressed mail, a bank statement or bill...

And the third, which must be separate, which is "proof of identity" for which the following is accepted:

credit card

valid Ontario driver’s licence or temporary driver’s licence

valid Ontario Photo Card

Canadian Immigration Identification Card

Certificate of Canadian Citizenship (plastic card)

Certificate of Indian Status (paper or plastic card)

Confirmation of Permanent Residence (Imm 5292)

only if signature is shown

current employee ID card

current professional association licence

Old Age Security Card

Ontario motor vehicle permit (plate portion only)

passport (Canadian or foreign)

Permanent Resident Card

only if signature is shown

Record of Landing (Imm 1000)

student ID card

union card

I have crossed out the ones I can't get as a disabled single adult with no dependents who was born here, is not elderly, cannot drive etc... Your average single young disabled adult born and raised here.

The certificate of citizenship I could [have, previously] technically get, but as a natural born citizen other sources will insist my birth certificate should be enough and I should never need this... And they STOPPED ISSUING THE PLASTIC CARDS LISTED HERE AS VALID ID!

I can't get a credit card approved because of my income.

The passport I only ever got because when I was younger I could travel, and it wouldn't get money taken off my pension etc... But most people in my position won't have or maintain this, and indeed mine is still with someone I took a trip with in my 20's and is lost to me, and I have had no real reason to renew it or report it lost. I can't renew it without getting the info off the old one and I can't apply for a new one without already having valid id AND BEING ABLE TO FIND 2 PEOPLE TO VOUCH FOR ME... Which I don't have, frankly, and I am going to go out on a limb and say that when you are more or less house bound and an inconvenient disabled who people are prone to abusing it is quite common enough to not be able to find 2 people to vouch for you. You also need a guarantor and someone to take photos! And sign them! And why would you? Why would you maintain a passport when you can't even travel??? It isn't accessible to me anyway.

So most people in my position, which is a lot, will ONLY have the photo ID card as "proof of id" which you NEED to 1. renew your health card, 2. renew the photo card itself.

My problem with this is that technically you need a photo ID card that's still valid, to make your photo id card valid again. They technically are not allowed to use your health card as this kind of ID.

I am disabled and therefor often things are LONG expired by the time I have the ability to get them renewed, so in addition to all this, my health card and photo id expire at the same time every time now.

They wanted to have a photo id alternative to the driver's license to help with issues like this to begin with, but they haven't made it much better.

The next issue is it's the only government Id that's of any use to me and that I am encouraged to get but it costs 35$ because it's treated as optional, instead of it being free like your health card is... So actually your health card does cost 35$ to maintain... Because you need your photo id card to stay valid... So actually our "free" healthcare has an out of pocket cost of 7$ per year minimum. That's not a lot, but that's not free if that 35 every 5 years stops you from being able to have health coverage.

I want a form of government ID, that counts as proof of identity, for the purpose of renewing my very important health insurance card, that doesn't bloody expire all the fucking time.

Because you're actually supposed to renew your health card every time your address changes... And when you are poor and disabled you tend to either be stuck with your parents, or stuck moving constantly to escape abuse.

And just... Do you know, how many times, for how many months I have been effectively between health coverage, in a country with free healthcare, and thus unable to seek medical attention, because my id has expired and I did not have the physical energy to go get it renewed? And that shouldn't happen!

Technically, by their own laws/policy they should have turned me away to renew my id, which would have left me 100% fucked with no existing valid ID to use to get other ID. That shouldn't be able to happen to you every 5 years or every time you move, especially when you are disabled.

And they shouldn't charge 35$ for it, considering you need it to get your health card renewed at all, technically speaking. It should be FREE! Especially if you are disabled!

If I still physically had my last passport I might be able to keep renewing it without this bullshit headache, but I can't without my old one.

They should have never switched to health cards that expire, I don't care if they wanted photo id, it was fine before, this is bullshit. This makes healthcare potentially inaccessible to the disabled because they have put it behind these stupid hoops you have to jump every 5 years and when you move.

And do you know how many disabled people have memory and mobility issues???

This is stupid.

And the kick in the teeth is that once they have my photo taken they will randomly chose to use older photos they have on file, because clearly my appearance hasn't changed enough through my adult life for them to even care how old the photo is! Why does the photo id have to expire if the photo can be over 10 years old according to their own records!? Their whole excuse for them expiring is that your appearance and address need to be up to date!

For those of you who don't know because it might have been before your time... health cards used to be white with a red stripe and no photo or address and they never expired. You only needed a new one if it was lost or stolen and that was fine. You could memorize the number on it and not even carry your card like you do with your SIN.

And then they switched us to the new photo ones to make sure everyone would have photo ID

And then they decided health cards couldn't be photo id because they didn't want to manage who got health care and who could buy alcohol with the same system for whatever reasons, so they came out with the "photo id" that you are expected to have as an alternative to a drivers license if you don't drive...

But they wanted money, so they charge 35$ every five years and make you pray to their monument of bureaucracy to get it.

Anyway fuck this my ability to make medical appointments shouldn't expire in a country with free healthcare. If they had a problem with people using each other's health cards before and messing up records, they should have made it easier to get your own health card, and not harder. And yes they should have made it so anyone even an illegal immigrant or someone who lost all their ID in a fire could walk into a clinic and still get basic care.

Not this bullshit song and dance.

So gee, if I fail to renew online just before these card expire you will hear me rant about this bullshit again in 5 years.

They could at LEAST give you a disability id card that never expires that you can use for shit like accessing the food bank or for proof of identity etc... Maybe even then it would be easy to have discount programs for anyone on a disability pension, maybe any groceries that are deemed basic necessities enough could be partially or fully subsidized without extra applications and headaches?

But no it's like they want to make healthcare inaccessible for the people who need it the most.

[kyrathor]

Sorry, I guess I just wanted to vent a little. To the void, probably (can't imagine anyone will read this. That's okay though).

Last month I had my consultation for bottom surgery after over a year of waiting. It went well, and they told me to start hair removal.

Since then, I've had to wade through phone call after phone call, online messaging through a website (the phone system for that was so bad I just did the messaging instead), and ultimately culminating in a department I had to email (yeah, I was specifically told they only have email, and not a phone number I can call), all to find out how my insurance will cover this.

The two things I need are a letter from the surgeon who told me to do hair removal (nothing he gave me qualifies as the letter I need, unfortunately) and I need to go to one of a very short list of hair removal places, the closest one being 2 hours by car.

I absolutely could go to a closer location and do it without insurance covering it, there is a trans friendly location the next town over, convenient. However, the price is nothing to scoff at, especially if I want to get anything more than just what I need for pre-surgery (other hair removal, such as facial and body).

The good news is insurance will cover the other hair removal too, but I have to get a letter from my doctor, or possibly two? The wording is weird, and I don't know if I need a second person involved, 2 letters from her, or just one letter because she covers both categories required for the letters.

In both these cases I contacted the surgeon and my doctor through the patient portal messaging, and it's been nearly a month now, with the only response from the surgeon being the clinic staff telling me they've passed the message on to the surgeon and that I'd get the letter when it's ready.

I have a video appointment I managed to get with my doctor, in a bit over a week, so hopefully I'll be able to make sure it gets done. But even if and when she does do it, that's not the letter that can let me slowly work towards surgery.

I don't expect me to be the only person who needs something from this surgeon. The fact it took me over a year just to get a consultation proves as much. But... a letter like this can't take that long, right? Every moment, every hour, every day that I spend waiting for this letter from him is time I can't do ANYTHING.

It's funny how long term bottled dysphoria, or even just... Something I'd learned to live with for a time, can just all come rushing back once the hope I can get my surgery is introduced. I know it's going to take a while, 1 year minimum, 2.5 years a tentative (ballpark) maximum. I can wait that, because it will be progress. The sooner I get hair removal done, the sooner that A: I'm free of the hair and B: the sooner I can get my surgery. I'll still have to wait after that, especially due to wanting a specific version of the surgery, but it will be progress. I won't be waiting to move forward with something I can do, due to a letter.

Maybe at one level, it's all just waiting. But tell that to my depressed and dysphoric self. I'm so close, yet so far away.

This isn't a cry for help or for money or anything. While spending money could sidestep the insurance issue... Insurance WILL cover it given time, and the letters. There are a number of people out there who can use money more than me. Transgender people needing money to get out of a bad environment, to survive till a paycheck. Palestinians, Sudanese, and probably others I don't know of right now. Please spend money on them instead.

I'm... While very much not fine... Fine.

Even if no one reads this, my thoughts and pain are out there now. Thank you for reading, if anyone does.