#so far tumblr fandom seems okay with the fluff and sweetness

[isisparker]

based on one episode I’m seeing complaints (on different forums, mind you) in regards to the new A Love So Beautiful.

one of the big complaints I’m seeing about the new ALSB is that Heon (the male lead) is a lot softer, a lot sweeter, than Jiang Chen and that takes away from the development of the male lead’s journey. because Jiang Chen’s coldness melting away if he kept it up, he wouldn’t have been able to keep Xiaoxi in his life. and I get that. I get that’s a valid reason.

but also what does that say about us wanting yet another cold male lead who is only nice towards the female lead? I get that’s a trope but sometimes it gets tiring considering the barrage of other dramas that are like that.

plus honestly I love Jiang Chen, but the only reason I instantly softened towards him (and didn’t fall into SLS despite how great a guy Bosong is) was because I didn’t read Jiang Chen as a “cold male lead” but an anti-social (which is hella funny considering his furture occupation), closed off and awkward tall dork whose kryptonite is an adorable firecracker. and yes Jiang Chen was blunt, that he wasn’t open with his feelings, and sometimes his teasing bordered on questionably mean, but he wasn’t your standard “cold male lead” because he wasn’t intentionally cold to everyone. anti-social does not equal cold. to me, Jiang Chen’s journey wasn’t about “melting his cold behavior” but being more open to Xiaoxi despite years of being unreadable and closed like a book.

based solely off the first episode (and some of the promotions I read), one of the big differences they’ve made with Heon is that, unlike Jiang Chen, his anti-social behavior doesn’t come off as intimidating but more gentle. and you can totally see that Heon is a lot more more approachable than Jiang Chen [plus honestly I know that the height difference between the male and female leads are supposed to be apparent, but Jiang Chen legit TOWERED over his classmates, much less Xiaoxi. his height played into the intimatidating anti-social aspect of his personality. Heon is definitely taller than Sol-i but he doesn’t look That Tall compared to the other kids]. Heon being softer and more approachable than Jiang Chen was seems to be a con to a lot of viewers, but I see it as the kdrama’s spin to our male lead’s anti-social/unopened book personality. Heon reads as socially awkward and that can serve just as well a stumbling block between him and Sol-i as Jiang Chen’s closedness to Xiaoxi was. 

[goobiegoobert]

Ok yes no im dead..everyone literally ignored asgore LIKE WHAAAAT not only tumblr but tiktok,youtube,ao3 and everywhere else TT like when i told my friends if they heard the name undertale they went "oh you mean sans?" ASGORE

but awweh imagine going on a date with him just you resting ur head on his chest after you two are done drinking tea and watching anime cuz I said so and him playing w ur hair

I have some words w this fandom

OH THANK GOD I WAS READY DO DO EVERYTHING AGAIN but I can't..my..doggy..can't leave ma boy alone smh

HAH I would help u with that..mcpeepaw..no-

Oh btw is ur Internet okay now? Just curious and obviously not hormny

-🧅

Wonderful you came by..

____________________

A/n: Yknow I had to do it man,, it was too good of an opportunity not too, but my internet is still out so I won't be able to post anything huge but I can post smaller stuff!!

Warnings: None!!! Simply pure fluff drabble guys ily all

[ masc!reader | masc pronouns used ]

____________________

With the sun dropping down behind the mountains and moon in the horizon it didn't take much convincing for a resigned king to drop the shears in a now empty watering can to simply stare at the lovely marigolds, stroked by the gentle light as if the world seemed to praise the flowers lovely existence, it caused the monster to let out a deep rumble in response catering back. Albeit odd to some within the gardens he'd spent day and night slaving over for the school their ex-wife taught at. The mere thought sent a twinge of melancholic memories to their poor mind, but it did remind the goat about something further important then twiddling his thumbs about the past.

You.. Oh, his darling, such a sweet boy you were truly. Wondering back into his mind like a tidal wave melted all feeling from his body only to shiver in the chilled air, but he seemed to be growing quite warm in the face with slight color peeking from beneath his sheen white fur. Brushing it off only to become more giddy with their movements as Asgore rushed to put away their tools for tomorrow and begin walking down the street back home, eager to see their little guy stare up at him with those lovely doe eyes, that somehow always seemed to be filled with pure adoration towards the king, oh truly did they feel smitten toward his human.

No matter how you two started, with the distaste and solemn sadness plastered in his being when you'd walked into the flower shop. Only for it to morph in confusion after pushing the bouquet you'd asked for far too many opinion on back into Asgore's hands after paying. Back then the certain fondness the boy had sent him before walking out without much more had left them wondering if you'd come back, and then you had. Every other Wensday you'd walk into the shop to buy flowers from him just to never accept it after paying no matter how much Asgore had seemed to insist upon you taking them. It became routine until the point he'd stop even asking you and plopping them into a vase next to the register with fondness, at least until not showing up for ovee half a year. It was so lonely as each Wensday at 5pm they'd sit in the shop simply awaiting you to walk through those doors just to rest you elbows on the counter with buttercups in hand as you'd compliment the shirt he'd put on that day.

It wasn't until Spring the next year Asgore would be graced to see the boy, who had them hooked from the first honey sweet compliment spilled from your lips slow like molasses driving them mad with curiosity and a certain sadness when it all seemed to go away, but what a joy it was after slipping into the store silently to walk up and hold out flowers you'd been growing in your own backyard in attempts to impress the retired king did realization hit them. Though once he did his precious baby boy pressed many kisses along their face passing soft praise and sweet nothings!

The ingrained memory always seemed to paint a lopsided smile on Asgore's face, once gaining sight of your shared home it took much restraint to simply sprint to the door no matter how much pain it'd cause later. Though with your previous scolding in mind the king had taken their time before breezing inside the home silently as to surprise you, but what he didn't expect was snacks to be on the coffee table and a warm blanket to be on the large couch as a TV was playing those add cartoons with a low volume almost sounding like static to their ears. Asgore couldnt help but feel his heart thump within their ribcage at the sight of you buried between the blankets sleeping peacefully.

Slipping off their shoes next to the couch and trying to lower themselves down beneath the covers with you only to have you stir away with bleary eyes from sleep to have a soft fondness at him being there. Oh such a sweet boy you were, after a few moments of you pressing small kisses to the back of the kings hands and a soft yawn you'd moved to sit in their lap with your legs splayed to once side resting your head on Asgore's chest to listen to their soft heartbeat gently drafting back into a blank nothingness of comfort. It wasn't perfect, nor did you two speak many words. But Asgore wouldn't trade times like this with you for the world.

[other-cullen-ficrecs]

MLM!Cullen Fic Rec List

Inspired by this post. Here is my fic rec list of some of my favorite fics with queer Cullen. Happy Pride :)  🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍🌈

Cullen/Dorian

Only True in Fairy Tales by Dragonflies_and_Katydids

Summary:  In which Dorian is a special forces operative, Bull is his partner, and Cullen is the guy they're sent to rescue. Hijinks ensue. // Words: 110150

Modern AU. Dragonflies_and_Katydids makes me read the weirdest stuff. But their work is always captivating. The more ridiculous set up the better outcome, I promise. This one is both ridiculous and absolutely perfect. And somehow one of the very few modern au fics in which Cullen's lyrium addiction is well transfered without making it literal.

Fashionably Late by tsurai

For the tumblr prompt: Cullen/Dorian Soulmates AU? <3 "Maker’s breath, this is absolutely the worst timing, he thinks distantly." // Words: 1038

This is but a tiny thing but I'm a sucker for a soulmate AU. Would I love it more if it was 150,000 words? Yes. But I'm just greedy.

COLD HANDS, WARM HEART by spicyshimmy, stonelions

Summary: Cullen and Dorian's friendship deepens. Cullen is a romantic. Dorian is literally cold. Cullen is no longer certain what he would consider surprising. Mages and Templars working in perfect cooperation, perhaps. Evil and corruption disappearing into the ground along with the blight, blood magic falling so far out of favor it ceased to be. A united Thedas: that would be a surprise. // Words: 25369

I think this is most recced Cullrian fic and for a good reason. Slow burn, drama, all the delights. 

Light In This Darken'd Time Breaks by RamonaDecember

Summary: Cullen wouldn't say he hates mages, not anymore, but he can't see himself ever trusting one again. Dorian is no exception. The mage is off-color, self-important, and all together too much for Cullen to deal with. So why is it that every time Cullen is at his lowest, Dorian seems to be the only person by his side? // Words: 121289

Slow burn with 121289 words, what more do you want?

Cullen/Bull

Jump In by Dragonflies_and_Katydids

Summary: In which Cullen is almost terminally awkward, Bull and Dorian are literally brothers (because why not?), and Bull tries really hard to be good. Or: In which Dorian tries to set up his brother and his roommate, if he can avoid killing them for being so clueless. (You might get cavities from reading it. Don't say I didn't warn you.) // Words: 33700

What did I say about Dragonflies_and_Katydids and ridiculous premises? But if you're as delighted with awkward Cullen as am I - enjoy.

Dragons from Stars in an Empty Sky by Midna_Ronoa

Summary: The one in which Bull takes Cullen dragon-hunting. // Words: 10423

Fluff and smut and dragons!

Stuck on the Puzzle by thespectaclesofthor

Summary: Once, back in Kirkwall, Cullen had an arrangement with a member of the city guard that satisfied his needs. But time changed all things, and he despaired of ever finding a similar arrangement again - that was, until he met The Iron Bull. Problem being that Bull seemed to care far more about sorting out the nitty-gritty of such an arrangement than Cullen ever has. // Words: 235586

No fic rec lists that can involve Bullen canot do without Stuck on the Puzzle. If you haven't read it - please give it a try. As far as I'm concerned - the best fic in the fandom. And definately one of the best fics in general. <3

Cullen/Dorian/Bull

Exit Light by Dragonflies_and_Katydids

Summary: In which Cullen is suicidally depressed, Dorian is a high-functioning alcoholic, and Bull just wants them both to be happy, except when he wants to crack their heads together for being emotionally stunted idiots. // Words: 77427

This premise is actually very close to canon, compared to some other stories by the same author recced here. The angst? Delightful. The smut? Delicious. The exploration of issues? Delectable! Cheff kisses all around.

to burn cool and collected by toomanyhometowns

Summary: Dorian hums. "Here is the function of the spell: Upon invocationne, ye caster's spyryt shal sterte to ye form of whomsoever mofte recently achieved releafe by hys hande." He taps the page in punctuation and looks back up. "And then there's a lot of text about the vast joys we may experience together, et cetera, et cetera." // Words: 16121

Ok, this list shows more than anything that my main delight is issues and angst wrapped in with porn. Anyway - cracky premise (body swap!), and angsty, sexy outcome.

Hold by queeniegalore

Summary: Everyone knows Cullen doesn't trust magic. But he trusts Dorian and Bull, so maybe they can make this work. // Words: 6654

Issues? Trauma? Kink? I'm a one trick pony when it comes to recs.

Cullen/Cole

Okay now that we’ve gotten the obvious out, let’s enjoy the trully unexpected enjoyment.

Into The Light (Cole/Cullen Ficlets) by Sinister_Kid

Summary: A series of what I hope are tasteful Cole/Cullen fics that don't exploit or overly sexualize Cole's developing character. Based on a prompt I filled out of boredom in which I imagined the spirit actually hearing someone's pain like a physical noise in his ears that caused discomfort. Explores the option of making Cole more human, with my own original take on how that affects him as a character, and depicts Cole developing romantic feelings for the Commander as he discovers what it means to be human. // Words: 20454

I admit I don't often read Cole shippy fics but this one stays true to the info in the summary and it is careful and tasteful. Also Cullen learning to speak with Cole properly - <333

Cullen/Varric

Verse & Volley Triptych by boycoffin

Summary: POSSIBLE TITLES: This Shit Was Even Weirder: A Surprisingly Not-Doomed Romance In The Shadow of the Apocalypse The Commander and the Rogue already taken, Antivan maritime smut with an elf girl in it How The Hell I Ended Up With That Guy: A Tale for The People Who Keep Asking Me About It In Bars The Short and Curlies that's just terrible Love Among the tropey garbage A Tale of Two Names pretentious and unclear The Penman's Paramour Memoirs of a Moron (That He's Going to Regret Publishing and Will Never Hear The End Of for As Long As He Lives) // Words: 133354

One of the very few fics in which I can not only accept but love 1st person POV. Crack. Slow-burn. Pennames. Lovable OCs. DELICIOUS. Also a fic that made me start this blog, so love all around.

Cullen/Krem

Last but not least, my delightful fave (maybe, possibly, probably) and involving a shameless self-plug because it’s the month of pride.

Swordplay by orphan_account

Summary: The Bull's Chargers are undisciplined, untested, and unprofessional; but Cullen can't stop thinking about their lieutenant. // Words: 3910

I have a soft spot for whoever Krem being shipped with not knowing he's trans at first. But also oblivious, pining Cullen <3

If you have been starving, a creature of bone by missivesfromghosts

Summary: Cullen is content with where he is. He has a life and a purpose. He’s doing the Maker’s work and he’s cut the Chantry’s leash on him. He barely thinks about the fact that he’s trans anymore. The last person who knew he was born anything different, barring his sister Mia, died during the Blight. This works for him. That is, until he starts falling for Krem. // Words: 769

A tiny thing but I have a soft spot for the idea. Also what's better than a ship with trans character? A ship with two trans characters. Keep that in mind for further recs actually.

Sweet, Merciful Andraste by Tainaron

Summary: PWP. Honestly, Cullen should invest in walls and a ceiling that don't have holes if he's going to keep having such loud sex. Pure, unapologetic smut between trans men who love each other. // Words: 4187

¯\_(ツ)_/¯  What more do you want from me? Sometimes porn is just porn. Enjoy.

Champions of the Just by Tainaron

Summary: En route to Griffin Wing Keep before the battle of Adamant, Cullen falls prey to an injury that reveals a shameful secret about his trauma with magic. As Cullen struggles with his past, his duty to the Inquisition, and his love life, he becomes increasingly uncertain if he’s the target of an assassination attempt or just his own personal demons. // Words: 67885

Well, I also have some plottier and angstier fics in my rec disposal. This one actually explores the problems Krem and Cullen could encounter in their relationship and all within the canon plot line. Plus bonus points of Cullen actually interacting with other Chargers.

cabbage: a love story by psikeval

Summary: Krem’s grin fades into a quiet smirk, his eyes warm and amused, and Cullen does not forget how to move his legs because he is a grown man, a leader of soldiers, commander of the Inquisition’s army. He breaks the silence by coughing loudly, because he is also an imbecile. // Words: 18932

Creme de la creme of Krem/Cullen fics <3 Fluff, crack, porn <3 This delightful series has it all! 

[deeranger]

Fic Writer Questions!

@oddsocksandstuff tagged me in this, thank you so much, sweetie!  ❤️

 1) How many works do you have on AO3? I’ve got 40 so far (of which 25 are SPN fics). There’s more to come! 

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 486,667, apparently. That tells me each of my fics has an average wordcount of 12,166.675… Seems about right. I was never any good at keeping things short.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Uhh… On AO3 I’ve written for Supernatural, Supernatural RPF, X-men (Cherik) and McFassy (James McAvoy/Michael Fassbender). But I’ve written a lot when I was younger that has never made it online, including NCIS, Pirates of the Caribbean, and lots of weird one-shorts starring everyone from Michael J. Fox to Kevin Sorbo from “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys”. 🤨  

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos? “A Lesson to be Taught” – an SPN Wincest pwp fic where a dominant Dean fucks (and spanks) Sam and they discover that Dean apparently has a daddy!kink. Comes with a photo manipulation too! There be dick.    

“Taking Game” – a semi-dark medieval Cherik (Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr from X-men) AU. Basically, Charles is a poacher hunting on king Erik’s land to his great dismay. And so, he’s captured and gets the choice between losing his life or serving the king for a bit… Dubcon and smut ensues.   “Only Like This” – a little SPN Wincest dub-con fic about hopelessly pining Dean doping Sam just so he can touch and kiss his oblivious little brother. It’s okay. Sam won’t remember when he comes to.   “It’s Only Carnal” – A dark SPN Wincest noncon fic where soulless!Sam needs to blow off some steam. And when it comes to carnal activities his brother isn’t exactly a novice – so why not use Dean’s body to make them both feel good?   “Demonized” – a long and dark af SPN noncon fic written in collaboration with the awesome @palishere. Sam is captured by some nasty demons who use him to lure in his brother. At first it seems the demonic scumbags are just really perverted and have a weakness for sexual torture, but they turn out to have ulterior motives…  

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes, always. I think it can be a bit demotivating for a reader to leave a comment and get zero response – and so, they might not bother to comment on the next fic. At least, that’s how I feel personally. And besides, I really want to let readers know that I appreciate them taking the time and effort to actually tell me what they think.  

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oufff… Seriously? How can I possibly pick just one when 99.8 percent of my fics are not only dark af but have gut-wrenching ambiguous endings as well? I, err… I’m gonna have to think really hard about this one, hold on… *Insert buzzing cicada sound*… Uhh… Well, I guess it might be… “Play or Pay” – a dark female!reader-insert Wincest fic where demon!Dean has you and Sam trapped somewhere underground. Sam ends up being on the receiving end of the demon’s cruelty when he tries to save you. Using Dean’s body the demon ends up raping Sam while the reader tries to escape to get help... There’s a little twist in the end. Loads of dead dove here, including death (not Dean or Sam).     “The Orange Hour” – where undercover inmate!Dean has to rape CO!Sam in order to save both of their lives and get them out of the jail in one piece. It doesn’t go completely as planned. (Comes with an nsfw photo manipulation).  “Demonized” – loads of bottom!Sam torture, full of hurt and absolutely no comfort... It’s just… I dunno, I think I and @palishere had a collective meltdown in the noncon and angst department. Sorrynotsorry.      

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written? Nope, I’ve never in my life written a crossover. Usually, I’m too laser-focused on 1 obsession at a time. I can’t multitask, okay?   

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes, the fandom purity police has visited me on AO3. The usual self-proclaimed know-it-alls vomiting their bullshit all over the comment section about how “problematic” noncon is and how “sick” I must be. I thought about moderating comments for a while, actually – but I just deleted their follow-up comments until they left me alone. 😤

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind? Yes!! Gimme! Usually, I write noncon smut or just good ol’ pwps that feature some sort of dominance. That’s it. That’s my jam. In general, the only smut I don’t write is the cute, fluffy, feel-good, cuddly stuff… My smut’s usually pretty rough and/or some sort of dub/noncon.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes. Someone stole “It’s Only Carnal” and posted it as her own on some Portuguese fanfiction site. She even replied to comments, answered questions and talked about how much she loved writing it, etc… Luckily a sweet mutual on Tumblr let me know about it and I reported her for plagiarism. The stolen fic was taken down shortly after and the account deleted. Goddamn thief. 😡  

12) Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Honestly, I can’t remember which fic(s). But people have contacted me on AO3 and asked for permission to translate my stuff into Chinese. I have - of course - happily allowed them to. It’s such an awesome compliment to get, I think!  

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, 2. “Demonized” and the fluffy Ficfacers prompt fic “The Masks We Wear” starring Sam and Dean taking their pranks a step too far. Basically, the brothers get angry with each other and they need to talk it out… No smut in this one, can you believe it?!! But that was kinda the prompt we received. The prompt was literally: “Sam and fluff”. Anyways, both fics are co-written with the lovely @palishere. You can find her AO3 here. 😊

14) What’s your all time favorite ship? Wincest!!! Definitely. Gimme all the brotherfucking, please. No contest. And coming in on second place I guess there’s Samifer – never paired consensually, though. I just love Lucifer messing with Sam’s head and torturing him in all kinds of cruel ways.    

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh, that’s a mean question… I have a noncon WIP where Sam and Dean are in prison. I wrote a whole story outline, gathered my own little dictionary of prison slang, etc… But I never made it past page 10 or something. Sam was supposed to get jumped by a gang of inmates and then Dean was supposed to helplessly watch from the sideline, offering to trade places if they’d just leave his little brother alone… And after that it’s all about a mix of healing and vengeance… But the story has been lying on the shelf for more than a year and I doubt I’ll ever continue it. Oh, wait! I almost forgot – I have a long Cherik WIP sequel to “To Have and to Hold”! Just checked, its wordcount is 18,729! Holy crap…. What a waste, huh? But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever finish it, because I’m not into Cherik anymore. That ship has kinda sunk for me…. So, now I’m hyperfixating on Supernatural, yeah?     

16) What are your writing strengths? Description, I think. I just love details and setting the mood. I like to think I’m pretty good at writing in English too even though it isn’t my native language… I wish to be better and expand my vocabulary but I’m doing okay nonetheless.

17) What are your writing weaknesses? Description, I think. Yes, you read correctly. I often describe things TOO much. Sometimes to the extent where the pacing gets so slowed down that I feel like the scene loses its ‘feel’. I don’t know if it’s just in my head, but that’s my major concern about my writing. That and my signature ambiguous endings, lol.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Love it. It can be difficult to pull off, but if you get it right it can be magical. Just don’t overdo it and make sure that the reader can follow. I don’t think I have any fics online where I do it, but I’m not a complete stranger to it either.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for? Ack, my poor brain trying to go back to when I was friggin’ 13… You know how many years ago that was?! 25!!! Okay!? *Huffs*…. Anyway, I THINK it might’ve been Keanu Reeves’ character in “Johnny Mnemonic”. Or maybe David James Elliott’s character as Harmon Rabb in the early seasons of “JAG”. I dunno. Either way this question makes me feel really old and I don’t appreciate it. Don’t @ me. 😅   

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? That’s probably a tie between “The Orange Hour” and “It’s Only Carnal”. They’ve both got nice pacing and that’s my biggest challenge, I think. Also, I love the whole Morse code thing in “The Orange Hour”. I don’t even know what happened or how I came up with it, but hey, I can surprise myself if I want to, I guess! And of course there’s the smutty noncon and all of the hurt… So, those two fics are my personal faves. 😏  

I’ll tag @jackandthesoulmates, @pinkoptics, @palishere, @wrenseroticlibrary, @decadent-prince, @negans-lucille-tblr, @juinae and @impala-dreamer and everyone else who feels like doing it! Feel free to ignore, of course. 

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

The Storm

Summary: You work with Jack Crawford and Alana is your cousin, both of you live together for a long time. She gets caught up with a flat tire far away and asks you to let Will in, for he's expecting her. A storm is coming, and she keeps taking longer and longer to show up. Will the universe conspire in your favor?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, insinuation of smut, fluff.

Word count: 4.328

A/n: I'm starting to consider changing this tumblr for a Hannibal one, mostly Will Graham, so some requests from other fandoms would be nice haha hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing ♥️

*not my gif

There wasn't a thing such as a boring day at the BAU. 

At least not when you're part of Jack Crawford's crew. There was always an interesting case to focus on, a disfigured body to study the reason of death, it was always a thrilling hunt for evidence. The best experience I've ever had so far in my career, and I could only thank my cousin Alana for putting me on the Guru's radar. I was a great crime scene investigator, albeit a little younger than people gave me credit for. I taught people not to underestimate me over the years, though. I got here by my own effort, being a tenacious, hard-working woman who wouldn't get a no for an answer. 

I got along well with my crewmates, Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, though our relationship hardly extended for life outside work. Except for Beverly, we went out for a couple of beers sometimes, she was fun, witty and I really liked our conversations. Jack was the big boss, and that was it. I had a lot of respect for him, and I knew he didn't regret bringing me to his team, I could see it in his eyes in the first case I've got. I was very cunning when I shared my insights about the cases, sometimes I saw things no one else could, no one but…

Of course, I was far, far away from being a Will Graham. But ever since I was younger, I've had this sort of intuition that helped me to solve problems, I would solve riddles easily and when people asked me how I got to the answer, I wouldn't know the steps, I just knew deep in my bones I was right. That happened a lot when I was growing up and was even stronger now that I knew how to use it. It was some artifice of my inconscient, something I could always count on. It included everything in my life, math, logical thinking, riddles. My brain picked things I couldn't perceive clearly, bringing them to the clear waters of my conscience. 

Will Graham was a curious man. He intrigued me from the very first moment I saw him at the house of one of the last victims of The Minnesota Shrike, Garret Jacob Hobbs, now dead. He was practically hiding in a corner, his eyes closed behind the lens of his glasses, dark wavy hair, jawline for days. He seemed highly focused until Beverly started to talk to him, pulling him out of his daze. He could barely look at her, or at me, and although he looked socially awkward and troubled, he still managed to look like a daydream. I studied every inch of his face, lowering my gaze when he seemed to get uncomfortable, after smiling lightly. I was a bit shy myself. I lived with Alana and, when I got home that night, I absentmindedly asked her about that curious handsome man who seemed to be out of place, yet so connected to that scene. She started to talk about him, but stopped once she noticed my interest. Then, she told me he was a very unstable person, that she wouldn't even be alone in the room with him because of her professional curiosity. As time passed and he solved more and more cases, I could see how people looked at him like an attraction of the zoo. However, not me, and later, not Beverly. Brian didn't seem to like him very much, I could see. Envy, perhaps? Nevertheless, the more I saw Will, the more intrigued I got. He avoided eye contact like the plague, but as I was always friendly and tried my best to treat him like a normal person, not focusing only on work, dead bodies and serial killers, I saw more of those beautiful blue eyes. He knew I was Alana's cousin, and I sooner realized he had a fling for her. 

And boy, did that break my silly little heart. I wasn't surprised, though. Who could blame him? Alana was amazing. I never felt resentful for that, but as time passed, I started to detach from the idea of Will being somewhat more than a simple acquaintance. That afternoon, I was going home from work when I got a call from Alana.

"Speak fast, I'm driving." I said, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other holding my phone.

"You're going home? Great. I invited Will so we could talk about a profile I'm building, but I got caught up here. I already spoke to him, he's almost there, can you let him in? He said he'll wait, and I'll be home in about fifty minutes, no more than that, hopefully." She said in a hurry, and I felt my cheeks burn a little. Will and me? Home alone? 

"I…" I hesitated, chewing my bottom lip nervously. "You won't be long, right? Heard on the radio there’s a storm for later."

"I won't, promise. Just let him in, he's already aware I'll take a little longer to be there. See you soon. Thanks, Y/n!" She hung up, not leaving me any time to answer. I put the phone down, still chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel excitement rising on my stomach, making me feel slightly nauseated, and noticed my hands starting to sweat.

Please. That was ridiculous. What was I, a teenager? I was a grown-up, well-succeeded woman, for God's sake. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, driving a little faster than I usually did almost unconsciously. I got home after twenty minutes, parking outside the pretty house. Will was already there, leaning against his car, so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed I'd arrived. I looked at my reflection at the mirror hurriedly, fixing my hair, pinching my cheeks to look less pale, brushing my eyebrows with my fingers to make them look neat. I wasn't even wearing any lipstick today. It had been a long day at work. 

I opened the car door, exiting the vehicle, the noise from shutting the door finally bringing him out of his daze, and he finally seemed to notice me. He smiled lightly, lowering his eyes. He had his glasses on, but as soon as he saw me, he took them off, hanging them on his shirt.

"Hey, Will. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. There was a little bit of traffic." I justified, walking to the porch and waiting for him to follow me. 

"Y/n. Not at all, I just got here. Alana explained what happened, thanks for coming to let me in. Hope I didn't ruin any appointment you may have had." He waited until I unlocked the door, and we finally were engulfed with the warm air of the heater.

"Nope, I was coming home, no appointments lost. Please, come in. I'm not sure you've ever been here before, but make yourself home." I hung my trench coat, sighing with the pleasure of being home. I loved the atmosphere of that place. "Can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer…"

"Thank you. I'm fine. And no, I haven't been here before." I held back the temptation of saying "good", biting my bottom lip as I watched him sit on the couch. I just stood there for a while, not sure of what to do next. 

He frowned a little, probably thinking why I was acting so weird, and that made me nervous, because it was just an easy step to realize my silly crush on him. Did he know? What if Alana said something? Said something? For fuck's sake, he was Will Graham, he could probably see that written across my stupid face! Shit, he knows. I'm making a fool of myself. Why do I even…

"Is everything okay?" His voice startled me a little, pulling me out of my neurotic breakdown, and I wondered how my facial expressions looked. Was I blinking only one eye like the stereotyped madness of cartoons? I certainly didn't look normal. I cleared my throat, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm not really used to having people over anymore. I've been working a lot lately. People are dying like flies." I sat on the armchair in front of him, sighing. 

"What we do can be overwhelming sometimes. What we see every day. It just… stains you." He said, with a dark look on his serious eyes. 

I nodded. I felt that way sometimes, but I was used to it. I stopped feeling that sense of inadequacy on my chest years ago. 

"I guess you just begin to cope with it, though. Our brain adapts to that harsh reality. But it's always nice to vent somehow. What do you do in your free time?" I asked, wondering if I was getting too personal. Did I sound like I was probing to ask him out?  I felt my face getting warm. Damn it.

Either he didn't realize, or he was just too chivalrous to point, but he didn't mention anything.

"I fish." He said, simply. I nodded with a light smile.

"And you play with your doggies." I pointed, smiling wider. I loved dogs. He'd mentioned them before, so I just brought the subject up, trying to shift the attention from me to them. Will smiled back, his eyes with a subtle glow. He really loved them, and that was so sweet. "Fishing sounds nice. Unfortunately, I could never. I'm too restless. I'd probably startle all the fish and wouldn't catch anything."

He laughed, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound coming out of him. I felt like I was someone deaf that was able to hear the sound of Mozart's symphonies for the first time, and I just knew. There was never detachment from the idea of Will being more than an acquaintance. It was tackled down inside my brain somewhere, for the brain tends to adapt to harsh realities, but it was still there, just waiting for some incentive. 

"It's just a matter of training, getting used to it. I could teach you someday… if you want." He blinked a few times, as if he was surprised with his own boldness, smiling lightly. "And you? What do you do to vent?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Well, I read a lot. Maybe I could read by the riverside while I watch you fish." I said, shrugging with a subtle smile.

"It's a date, then?" Will inquired, making me mortified. Caught me by total surprise, and when I was about to say something, my phone rang.

"Excuse me." I answered the phone. It was Alana. "Hey. We're already here waiting for you."

Not that I wanted her to arrive any time sooner, but she didn't have to know that.

"You won't believe me; I've got a flat tire. There's a guy helping me out, I was lucky, I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'll get there in about fifty more minutes, more or less. Can you put Will on the phone? I'll explain everything to him."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I wouldn't…"

"No, he's almost done. Thank you. Let me talk to Will, I'll be there soon. The storm is about to catch me, I wanna hurry."

I sighed, grimacing at him. 

"She wants to talk to you." I passed him the phone, studying his expressions while he talked to her. As I looked at the window, I could see the dark clouds gathering up, making the end of the afternoon murky. The storm was about to hit hard. I could see a few thin drops of rain starting to wet the glass.

"I can stay a little longer, no problem. I'm being well attended." He traded looks with me, biting his lip slightly. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Alana."

He gave me the phone, but Alana was already gone. I put it on the coffee table, getting up.

"I think I'll pour myself some wine. Do you want some?" I asked politely. "It's one of the fanciest ones; Hannibal gave us a bottle when we dined at his house a few days ago."

"Yes. Thank you." He waited for me to come back with the beverages, and I did my best not to spill anything, sitting on the couch beside him while I gave him the glass. "So you're acquainted with Dr. Lecter?"

"Oh yeah, he's an old friend of Alana's, sometimes he invites us to dinner. He cooks the best meals I've ever had in my entire life, so I don't exactly decline the invitations. And he's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, so it's always interesting." I took a sip of the crimson liquid, moaning low in pleasure. Good wine. I preferred a good cup of hot oolong, but it was impossible not to appreciate the quality of that drink. 

A few glasses after and a lot of talks about dogs, fishing and other hobbies, he finally felt safe to bring back the topic. The rain had started really pouring, the now thicker drops hitting the windows loudly. Alana hadn't called again. It was nighttime now, the sky seeming to be darker than usual. I was low-key worried about her, but the conversation was too great to interrupt. She was a good driver. She would be just fine. 

"I've been seeing Hannibal Lecter in his office. Not exactly his patient, though. A courtesy of Jack Crawford to keep an eye on the coping of my brain functions." He sounded a bit bitter, drinking a few sips of his wine.

I could see he didn't like therapy. Must be hard with someone with a mind like his.

"You know, sometimes, Alana psychoanalyses me. Like, she doesn't even notice. It's cute, but sometimes it creeps me out." 

"She has a professional curiosity about me, but she's too polite and considerate to let it slip out. We've never even been alone in the same room together."

I held back a bitter comment, not wanting to talk shit about my cousin, but he saw it right through me. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in a complicated position."

"I know. You're sweet." The word slipped through my tongue before I could contain it. Will blinked a few times, seeming surprised, and I felt my cheeks burn, starting to stutter. "I meant… I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no. It's just… no one's ever called me that before." It was my time to get surprised. He didn't seem to be complimented much, and that just made me flabbergasted. I couldn't be the only one who saw how fantastic Will was.

"... Ah. Well, some people are just shy. I'm shy as hell, don't even know how I had the nerve to say that, it's probably the wine starting to kick in. Hope I really didn't make you uncomfortable, though. Don't need to be polite, it's okay to tell me."

"Actually, I'm curious to know what else you think of me. I sense it's not the only word you have to define me." He sounded bolder, and his eyes were on mine, giving me shivers down my spine. 

"Well… I think you're too exceptional to be defined with a few words. You're… Kind, brilliant… I see how seeing what you see, doing what you do, how it wrecks you sometimes, and you just keep doing it because you're saving lives. That's so selfless, Will. That's…" I was going to say more, but at that very moment, a loud thunder just made the house practically tremble, and I let out a real inelegant weep, coming closer to Will and holding his arm firmly, my fingers grabbing on the fabric of his shirt. He could've thought it was an artifice to get closer to him, but he could see how frightened I was, trembling like a cornered wild little beast. I hated thunders, fireworks, anything loud. Feeling ridiculous, I released his shirt, apologizing with embarrassment.

"It's okay. It's just noise. I'm here." He put some of my hair that had fallen to my face behind my ear with such a tenderness that I felt my stomach twitch, realizing suddenly how close we were. He was looking at me as if it was the first time he was actually seeing me. 

The phone rang again. Alana! I grabbed it from the coffee table, turning to face Will. He wasn't avoiding eye contact anymore, his pupils were dilated. My breathing was accelerated, and I knew it had little to do with the thunder.

"Lana, is everything okay?" I asked with genuine concern. "Are you close?"

"Ah, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll make it in time, I'm driving slow, the roads are slippery because of the storm and it's pretty foggy. I'll stop at a motel and spend the night, or at least wait for the storm to pass. I'm so furious with myself!"

"It's okay cuz, do what's safer for you. I'm sure Will will understand. I'll pass him the phone." I gave him the phone and he talked to Alana for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. She'd ruined the moment unintentionally, and now he was probably going home. When would I have an opportunity like that again? 

"Okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alana. Take care." He gave me the phone and I put it on the coffee table again. Before any of us could say anything, another thunder cracked the sky, and this time, Will held me so I wouldn't be afraid. The lights went out, and he held me against his chest protectively, making me smell his aftershave and some perfume. He smelled so good. For a moment, I just stood there in his arms, feeling his warmth, his breath, the steady beats of his heart. 

I moved away just a little to see his face, very close to mine, but it was so dark I could only see shadows. A lightning lit up the room and, just for a little moment, I could see his gorgeous eyes staring at me. After a soft touch of his thumb on my lips, he finally kissed me, so gentle, like I could break as fine china with any rougher move. I touched his neck with both my hands, playing with his hair, feeling how soft they were. He pulled me closer, his hands on my waist, and the kiss started to get deeper, voracious, as if we were hungry for each other. Maybe the wine was helping to raise the lust; all I know is that I've wanted that to happen for a long time. Will's kiss was everything I imagined it would be, but entirely different at the same time. All I could say was that he was great at it. His hands traveled through my body, and I grabbed his hair, pulling it slightly. That made a low growl echo through his chest, and I started to feel my body fervent as a bonfire.

I couldn't say much because I was breathless and I didn't want to stop what we were doing, so a single word left my lips as I kept my forehead on his.

"Stay."

Will bit his lip, kissing me again, and that was all the answer I needed.

xx 

Morning. Thin sunrays illuminated my bedroom floor through the curtains, waking me up. The storm was gone. I haven't had a nice night of sleep like that in ages. I looked at the other side of my bed and there was Will, sleeping heavily. It wasn't a dream, after all. Last night really happened. I smiled, staring at the roof with disbelief in my eyes.

I stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just let him sleep? He looked so heavenly, his hair was messy, his breathing steady, he seemed so less troubled than he usually was. I touched his hair lightly, caressing it with tenderness, and he started to move. I could see his neck, and a few hickies we marked on his albescent skin. That made me blush a little bit, and I laughed silently. 

He opened his eyes while I still touched his hair, but I didn't stop, and he didn't seem to want me to. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, and he smiled, a different smile than the usual ones he gave me.

"Hi." He said, pulling me closer by my waist, stroking the skin under the sheets. I pecked him on the lips, then kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jawline. 

"Hey there. Good morning. I'm starving, are you having breakfast with me?"

"Actually, I gotta go home. Feed the dogs." He said, stroking my nude shoulder with his finger.

"Of course. Your dogs. I won't keep you then, poor babies must be so hungry." I kissed his cheek and was about to get up when he pulled me again, gently kissing my lips. I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. A joyful idiot. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be in the kitchen."

I dressed up in my long and black robe, smiling at him before I left the room, going to the kitchen, where I started to make some french toasts. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open, and an exhausted Alana came in, her hair frizzy and her coat looking still a bit wet.

"Oh, Lana! Go change, you'll get a cold!" I stopped what I was doing, going to her and helping to take off her coat.

"That storm was a nightmare. I swear I won't ignore the warnings ever again. I'm so sorry, I had no idea it would get this bad, yesterday was one of those days where everything just goes wrong. Hope Will arrived well at home, did he seem disappointed or annoyed before he left? I was so inconvenient…"

I didn't even have time to answer, because Will opened my bedroom door, coming out while buttoning his shirt, suddenly realizing Alana was there.

"Oh." Alana said, looking so flabbergasted I almost laughed at her. Will rose his eyebrows at the sight of her, seeming a bit unsure of what to do or say. I wasn't planning for her to find out like this, it was a bit early, I wasn't expecting her to arrive so soon. "Hi, Will."

"Alana. Hi." He avoided looking at her, staring at me, and his eyes immediately softened. I smiled, he smiled back, and that was it, Alana was forgotten.

"Off you go to feed your children." I joked, biting my bottom lip. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Definitely." He simply said, kissing my forehead while caressing my hair, certainly a little embarrassed to kiss me in front of Alana. "See you later, Y/n. Bye, Alana."

"Bye, Will." I waved with a soft smile, and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the house.

My smile grew larger and I left my head fall back, squeaking low in commemoration. What a night! What a morning! I never thought I would thank a storm so much, let alone a bloody thunder.

Before Alana could say anything, I realized Will had left his glasses at the coffee table, and I picked it up in a hurry, bursting through the front door and calling him before he left, waving in front of the car.

"You forgot your glasses!" I said, and he opened the car windows, raising his hand to pick them.

I leaned against the car window, putting the glasses on him, and kissing his lips fiercely. He moaned in surprise, holding my face to deepen the kiss. After a moment, I pulled away, appreciating the view of his lips so reddish. 

"Go back inside, it's cold." He said with a cheeky smile, and before I could say he actually made me hotter, he took off with the car.

I went back inside, where Alana was waiting for me with her arms crossed. 

"What the hell did you do to Will Graham?" She asked, sounding severe, but a smile was trying to escape her lips "I mean, besides trying to suck his soul with your mouth a few moments ago."

"Oh, shut up!" I laughed, blushing violently. "You made that happen, you know? Thank you. Was that a set up or did the universe actually conspire in my favor?"

"I wish I'd planned this. That would mean I would've had a plan b and I wouldn't have stayed at that disgusting mote… Y/n, you're full of hickies, I can't believe you!"

"You're starting to sound like my mom, Lana. I'm gonna wear a turtleneck, don't worry, I don't want Beverly all over me like a bloodhound and Brian and Jimmy's witty comments today. In fact, keep it to yourself, okay? Will's discreet. I won't even tell Beverly, if she finds out, the whole bureau will know, hell, maybe even Freddie Lounds."

"I told you to let it go, Y/n. Will's very unstable right now. I… I only want what's best for you." She said with concern in her bright blue eyes. I sighed, walking to her and kissing her cheek with affection.

"You're a good cousin. But I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, okay? Unless this isn't only about me, unless it concerns something else." I raised an eyebrow while staring at her, more confident that I've ever been. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

She hesitated, clenching her jaw, but never spoke. 

I smiled, tapping her cheek very lightly in approval.

"I gotta get ready to work. Wanna grab lunch with me later?" I asked in a casual tone, a cynical smile on my face. She shrugged. "See you later then, cuz."

[cavanaghcharactersxreaderfics]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells/You, Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells & You Characters: Earth-19 Harrison "HR" Wells Additional Tags: More Fluff, valentines day, Romantic Fluff Summary:

As requested by Tumblr user Countlesswells: It’s been a good amount of time since he joined Team Flash but you’ve never really came around to speak to him. You’re much more reserved than the rest and that is what ironically draws him closer to you. His curiosity causes him to grow a crush on you. Over the course of a few weeks HR throws subtle hints and gestures expressing that you entice him. As the days begin to close in on Valentine’s Day he finally gets the courage to ask you out on a date.

HR Wells always managed to make a presence at STAR Labs. His arrival had taken everyone aback, and the discovery that his mind was far from a new Einstein caused tension. Eventually however, everyone settled into HR’s quirky and eccentric mannerisms. HR felt like he was finally home here at STAR Labs; he had friends and people who cared about him, they made him feel like he was important and had a purpose.

He managed to grow close to just about everyone except the one member of the team who usually hung back. They weren’t necessarily rude or unfriendly, but preferred to keep a distance. HR did his best to respect the distance, but found them to be alluring. They were a strikingly gorgeous individual, with distinct features and a kind smile that flashed every now and again when HR made a joke. HR knew very little about the distant figure, but something about them drew him in. Maybe it was the general mysterious aura, or maybe it was just his own curiosity. Whatever it was, his desire to break through to them was incredible, and HR was prepared to do whatever it took to get there.

You, meanwhile, were indeed quiet and reserved. You preferred a quiet moment of study in order to save up your energy for the outbursts of metas that were always just around the corner. HR’s undeniable energy in the building was occasionally distracting and you often found yourself looking up to him gazing at you with a curious expression splashed on his face. He looked upon you like a piece of art, which confused you greatly at first.

There would be times in passing when he would just give a simple compliment. Nothing forward or excessive, just something along the lines of “your hair looks great today,” or “your outfit is stellar, miss y/l/n.”

You always gave him a look, occasionally giving him a slight smile to reward his compliments. He always gave you the biggest grin in response to the smallest of smiles. You were perplexed by the short interactions you had with him. They were not unpleasant in the least, but his for a man so filled with caffeine and exuberant light, he was much quieter around you. It was almost a nice change to have someone respect your boundaries and not tell you that you need to get out more or need to be more social. He was respectful of your distance and quiet countenance.

You weren’t unfriendly in the least, despite what your exterior may have said to the world. You were guarded and cautious, which Team Flash admired, and they were grateful for what you contributed to the team. They were some of the few people in the world who seemed to genuinely understand you, and you were always willing to give back 100% to the people who gave you so much. Harry and you were always close, being similar in nature and personality. This was why you had been so cautious of HR when he first arrived. He seemed, at first, to be a very “in your face” kind of person and you had been pleasantly surprised to find otherwise through your moments together.

It was another cold winter in Central City. The late February wind practically blew you into the doors of STAR Labs. The sky was grey and cloudy with a threat of a snowstorm approaching. Shaking off the cold and stepping into the warm lab, you hung your coat and made your way through the circular hallways towards the Cortex.

A warm pink glow greeted you upon arrival causing you to smile. H.R., still hanging decorations, turned as he saw you walk in. He gave you his usual smile, spreading ear to ear and lighting up his pale blue eyes. “Y/n!” He said excitedly, jumping off of a step ladder where he was hanging paper hearts, “I take it you like the decor?”

“It’s definitely unexpected, but it’s really pretty. It’s also really early, how long have you been at this?” You questioned, looking around at the glowing pink lights, paper hearts, and pink tinsel that was strung about the cortex.

“Hmm,” he glanced at his naked wrist, “well considering I haven’t slept, I have been here for… a while.”

“You haven’t slept? Why not? It’s just Valentine’s Day, it doesn’t have to be as extravagant as Christmas, does it?” You giggled as HR passed you a cup of coffee.

“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be horribly extravagant every year, but this year…” He paused, staring down into his own coffee cup, “This year deserves to be special.”

“Tell me now, HR, why is that?” You sat down spinning the chair round to face HR. This was the most conversation you had ever had with HR, you thought to yourself.

“Mon dieu! I thought you’d never ask! Well, this is my first time celebrating Valentine’s Day on Earth-1. My first time spending it with people I actually like and that, you know, seem to actually like me too. I know it’s usually a romantic thing and all that but, why not celebrate love for everyone? Friends, family, lovers, and, well, why not your dog or your hamster? I feel like so long as I’m here with all you guys, I might as well make the most of it, you know?” HR sighed, his long-winded expression of love completed.

You gifted HR your usual tiny smile, the corners of your lips barely turning up, “I think that’s a great sentiment, HR. It’s really sweet of you to do all this for all of us.”

“Funny enough, there is a bit more to this than just celebrating with BA or Francisco, I uh-” he paused again, “well, I have been meaning to, for some time now, well I mean I guess, I, hmm.” He stopped again, taking a moment to look around at the glowing pink decorations around him, “Ah, I guess there’s no need to beat around the bush here, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight? I know you aren’t usually super social and I respect that, I mean there are days when I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror, but that’s besides the point. I just mean, you know, I don’t want to pressure you into anything but you’re very attractive and more than that you seem like a genuinely wonderful person and it would be my honor to spend my first Earth 1 Valentine’s Day with you, if that’s okay?”

You sat in your chair, a full fledged smile on your face as you laughed.

HR’s face fell as tears came down your face as you laughed, “I’m sorry I just, I shouldn’t have said anything I guess, I, forget it.”

His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he started to walk off. You jumped from your chair and caught his arm, “No! HR I’m sorry, it’s just, no one’s ever asked me out in such a lengthy and genuine mannerism. It was a surprise to me. I know I’m usually not the most talkative person but, I’m more than willing to go out with you. In fact, I’m the one who should feel honored to have someone as sweet and genuine as you ask me out.” You took his hand, “HR, I will absolutely spend your first Earth-1 Valentine’s Day with you. I wouldn’t want to spend it with anyone else.”

HR absolutely beamed, “really? I mean, I’m honored that you’re honored that I’m honored. We can go wherever you want, we don’t have to go out either, we could stay in! I could make coffee and I could bake some biscuit-” you cut him off this time.

“HR, you’ve had too much caffeine already. Why not just go somewhere quiet for dinner, okay? Just the two of us, nothing big or loud, just quiet. Somewhere we can… talk.” You smiled.

“I would love, to talk to you, y/n. It’s all I’ve wanted.” HR put an arm around your shoulder, looking down at you with a smile. “Now, want to help me finish these decorations?”

“You have more?!” The room already looked as if cupid had puked on every surface.

“So SO many more.” HR said, deadpan.

“Well, hand me the string, let’s see how much we can cover Cisco’s desk in hearts.”

“You really are the woman of my dreams.” He dumped a bundle of paper hearts into your arms with a cheeky grin “let’s make some love.”

[palimpsessed]

So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

[angelofrainfrogs]

Grow

Fandoms: Good Omens

Description: Young Warlock comes up with another way to try and get his nanny and gardener together. 

Rating: G

Genre: Fluff

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29137629/chapters/71532234

Note: This story was written for the Ineffable Wives Femslash February 2021 event. A masterlist of all my fics posted to tumblr for this event can be found here (they’re also contained in a multi-chapter collection in the Ao3 link above).

The Dowling Residence, Before the Not-pocalypse

“Hey, Sister Francis?”

“Yes, Warlock, my boy?” Aziraphale paused her task to glance up at the young boy, arms wrist-deep in soil but a smile on her face. She had been gardening for the past two hours—though Crowley would call it “gardening” in the loosest sense of the word; she was really just moving plants around to keep up the ruse—and Warlock had wandered over about ten minutes prior to watch. As the boy got older, he had less motivation to spend time with the family gardener, so in order for their plan of equal influence to succeed Crowley made sure to convince the boy to hang out with Sister Francis much more than a typical boy of seven usually would.

“Did you know that Nanny Ash loves flowers?” Warlock said, clasping his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on his heels. His sneakers were somehow already coated in dirt, which Aziraphale knew Crowley would not be too keen about when the boy came bounding into the house later and forgot to take off his shoes.

“Oh, does she now?” Aziraphale answered, her smile growing at the previous thought.

“Yeah.” A short pause, in which the boy looked up at the sky, then down at the ground, before back at the angel. “I, um… I wanna give her one, like as a surprise.”

“Well, I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Aziraphale stood, wiping her gloves off on her work apron. “Why don’t we pick out a nice rose from the bush over there? I do believe they’re in season!”

“Yeah, okay!” Warlock trailed along after the angel. He seemed excited as she grabbed some nearby shears and carefully cut a beautiful red bud, the stalk miraculously free of any barbs that could cut tiny fingers. When Aziraphale tried to hand the flower over, however, the boy didn’t reach out, frowning slightly.

“What’s the matter, dearie?” Aziraphale asked, mildly concerned. The boy was acting quite odd, and she wondered if he might be feeling under the weather.

“It’s just, um…” He trailed off, unconvincingly trying to appear as though he was thinking hard about something, before clarifying: “Oh! I’m supposed to call dad today in like a few minutes—you know how he can only talk at certain times.”

“I do indeed,” Aziraphale replied, working hard to hide the annoyance in her tone. Her private thoughts about the ambassador and his wife were not for their son to hear.

“So, since I’m gonna be busy… can you take the flower to Nanny Ash?” Warlock gazed up at Aziraphale, eyes pleading.

“Oh, I…,” Aziraphale paused, thrown off by the request. “Well, yes, I suppose—but I thought you wanted to give it to her?”

“I do, but you can get to her faster! I… I think she’s having a bad day and needs it like now.” The boy nodded somberly, as if exemplifying the gravity of the situation. “Also, um, you don’t need to tell her it’s from me; she’ll know.”

“But, are you sure—”

“Yeah, trust me!” Warlock turned his best puppy-dog eyes upon the angel. Aziraphale was convinced that Crowley taught him to do this, as it was a very effective coercion tactic… and one that she was powerless to resist.

“Alright, dearie,” the angel finally relented, and she swore a mischievous grin flashed across the boy’s face before he abruptly turned and started back towards the house at a rapid pace.

“Thanks, Sister Francis!” he called behind his shoulder with a wave. “You’re the best!”

Aziraphale raised a hand in response, staring after him dumbfounded. She wasn’t quite sure what just happened, but had the feeling that she had been duped in some way. However, now she had a task to do and was loathe to disappoint the antichrist, especially as he got closer to realizing his powers.

With a sigh, she took off her gardening gloves, careful not to disturb the rose in her grasp, and set off to find Crowley.

***

Warlock watched from the doorway as Sister Francis walked towards where Nanny Ash sat on a bench at the other side of the garden. Even when she sent him off to spend time with the gardener, his nanny was never too far behind.

This made it even more frustrating for the boy when they continuously refused to acknowledge their feelings for each other. It was so obvious, even to a child his age who barely understood the concept of true “romantic feelings,” and he was determined to set them up using whatever tactics necessary. He heard somewhere that people gave each other flowers when they liked each other, so he hoped maybe this would at least get the two of them talking, and hopefully their relationship would grow from there.

Even if this attempt didn’t work, Warlock was determined to figure something out. He wouldn’t stop until his kind nanny and sweet gardener, two of his favorite people in the world, were just as happy with each other—or even more so—as he was with them.

[emiisanxious]

Everything is Alright

Archive of Our Own Link

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Sanders Sides (Web Series)

Relationships:

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders

Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders

Additional Tags:

Comfort

Fluff

Light Angst

Alternate Universe - Human

Summary: “Virgil had a tiring shift and all that he wanted was Roman.

Really I'm just bad at summary.”

"Hey... Can you go downstairs to meet me up?" He was able to let the plea out of his tone, although it was a matter of need, not just selfish.

"Sorry Vee, I'm near done with my work, need 10 more minutes and then I will be free to stay with you." Was the answer he received from the other man, he let a soft sigh and murmurs. "It's okay..." With that, he hung up the phone as he walks past the gates and then starts to walk up the stair. His apartment is on the third floor of three floors. It's more likely a private apartment through. Since the 6 men inside all know each other since childhood.

It wasn't that late, like 11 pm, but it was already late for three of the man are been sleeping. Logan, Patton, and Janus needed to sleep early since they wake up and go to work early. Remus worked all night, so he probably wasn't there, while Roman his actual boyfriend had a messed-up schedule as a writer and theater professor.

Virgil on the other hand had a more messed-up schedule as he is a babysitter. Honestly, the only reason he liked this type of work is that the only interaction he has with adults is when he is receiving the notes about the child. No matter what type of children, he does have a way to deal with them, weird enough the kids loved him. And with his anxiety, he can remember and follow all the rules that the parents need. So in general, this type of job is perfect for him.

But... It does have bad sides for him. Because of his anxiety, he has a hard time to eat or sleep while taking care of the child, which can drain his energy quickly. So today was one of those days, where the parents just told him that he would need to do trick-or-treat with the kid, put them to sleep, and tomorrow at eight or worse nine they would be back.

It was nerve-wracking when he got a call saying that they would be delayed because their familiar problem got worse. He couldn't blame them, their grandma was in the hospital and they were taking care of her he got it. What doesn't got it was his anxiety.

What was supposed to be a 12 hours shift, went far more than 24 hours which he wasn't expecting; He was tired, but that was it, they all were safe and all he needed was get back to his home. In his way, he called Roman, he knew very well that he was been a needed selfish, but he truly needed some comfort right now. The disappointment as he hears the answer, he couldn't do anything, Roman needed to finish after all...

So as he finally is back, he locks the door, let go of his shoes, and without thinking, he goes straight to his room, let his bag fall slowly on the floor, to then take out his clothes, wash his hands, change to his pajamas and just throw himself on the bed. Pulling the blanket over his head as he hugs his legs.

It was fine, he was already home, but he couldn't help the insecurity thoughts that passed on his mind. He didn't hear when Roman called him, but he did jump when he felt arms around him hugging him tightly. "I'm here, I'm sorry I couldn't go downstairs. But I'm here now, and everything is fine Vee."

Those words did him move from where he was, to turn and just bury his head on Roman's chest. He wasn't feeling well, it was always a drain when his work didn't go as it should be. "Did you eat something or slept?" He could hear the concern in his boyfriend's tone. Although he was feeling nonverbal right now, so he just shook his head.

"Are you feeling nonverbal?" A nod, as all the answers he could give him. "How about... I order something light for us to eat, and while we wait we just stay like this. When the meal comes, I will get it and we can go watch something while eating, sounds good?" He had to move a bit to look at Roman, and then nod before moving back to bury his head on his chest. "Okay then." As the writer moved to pick up his phone he ordered something in silence.

Although when he was done, he did put on some Disney piano music, and just stayed there playing with purple hair, murmuring the musics. It took a whole two songs, till Virgil felt better. "I'm just... What if I messed up? You know, I... It was already 20 hours awake, and it was still 1 pm... I didn't eat anything and..."

"Shushu... I'm pretty sure you didn't mess up anything Vee. But to calm you down how about... I ask questions about it and you try to answer?" That was a nice exercise they developed to calm him down and talk about his day so he just nodded.

"What time the kid woke up? Did the kid brush their teeth?"

"8 am, and yes..." He had to stop a bit, to think about it since at this time his head is aching by lack of sleep and food.

"Nice, what you gave for breakfast?"

"Hm... Peanut Butter jelly bread? And Juice. Around 9 am... Because he helped me to do the bed."

"Okay, then what type of exercise you did with them?"

"Well, it was 9:30 am, that is when I got the call saying they would get long to return... So I asked if the kid had homework to do, and then I helped him to do it..." He started to breathe a bit more even and calm now.

"Seems like you improvised well ~! So, lunchtime? What you gave him?"

"Yeah... We stayed till noon doing his homework, mostly because he had so many questions... But after that, I gave him some leftovers that I could find on the fridge... After that, I let him watch tv and gave him some sweets since he was behaving. For dinner, I did some sandwiches and when their parents were back he was playing a game on his ps4."

"Did he broke any of the parent's rules?"

"Nah, I already looked for this kid once, he normally is well behaved. But he did miss his parents..."

"See, everything is fine Vee."

He sighed in relief, feeling his head far quieter as he looks to Roman, and place a small kiss on his lips. "Thanks... I guess I passed my limit of staying awake and just needed you to ground me down..." He murmurs as he now started to feel bad about needing his boyfriend's attention. Although before he could think too much about it, the brunet just passed his hands over his chin and pulled him in a deep and lovely kiss, which lasted for a minute, before he let go.

"Hey, relax. I'm your boyfriend for 5 years now, and you're starting to trail off about how needed you're right now. I know this look and this pattern. But it's not bad, I do love to give you all the attention I can ~! And all the cuddles and caress. Even if you didn't ask, I would still give you. Because you deserve it okay?" Roman was always making sure that Virgil understood that, and that is something that he was glad about.

"Okay, Prince." He smiles, now feeling more light and calm, as he looks back to his boyfriend. "Thanks."

"Shushu Emo, let's just appreciate the music till the food is here okay?" A nod was all he gave the other as he just stayed there cuddling. Although halfway he had to sit down and shake his head. "I'm going to shower..." He looked to Roman who just smiled and then when to pick up some clothes, going to the bathroom attached to the bedroom he undressed and started the shower.

His boyfriend though stayed there, putting the music a bit louder, as he promised he wasn't going to leave unless necessary. During his bath, he could hear the phone calling and the warning that the food was there, where he could see Roman leaving to pick up and Virgil just finished his bath.

Changing clothes and drying his hair he put up some clothes before returning to the living room, where he turned the TV and choose a movie to watch. Soon enough Roman was back with the food, going to the kitchen to serve it right and pick up some drink.

He ate the food and drink it, gladly that his boyfriend didn't put a lot, probably already knowing he won't be able to eat that much. Halfway through the movie, he started to feel sleepy, as he was finally able to rest, where Roman just let him rest on his shoulder. When the movie ended he turned the TV off and then carried him to their bed.

Turning the lights off and then slipping to lay down at his side. Letting relaxing music playing and a small night lamp on, as he just hugs Virgil and cuddles with him. "It was just a hard shift... You will be fine tomorrow. If not, I will be here to take care of you." He places a gentle kiss on his boyfriend's forehead and then falls asleep with him.

Notes:

So... It's somewhat based on a true experience, yet I just wanted to try something fluff with comfort? I dunno. My mind is weird. Also, I can't sleep because I need to keep my messed-up schedule.

About this: Here are some random things I didn't write in the fic but thought about:

- They are most likely the same height, a few inches tall or shorter. - They also have the same age range between 30, the difference between months. - They are all in a large relationship. Although some click more than others because of time. - If Roman wasn't home, he would jump to Patton and Logan. - They all have different jobs.

I honestly want to write more as them human and on his universe, if you have suggestion drop it down at my tumblr.

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JUNE’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nonimated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

I Thought You Were Going To Die (oneshot) by @fun-and-fandoms

My nominations for the month wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of angst. Though this one isn’t just that. If you’re easily triggered by mentions of depression and its symptoms, this one’s not for you. But it’s an important topic and I will always encourage any creator who uses their art to remind people it’s okay to talk about it. (Note from Kale, this was actually submitted in May but I missed it.) 

More to Me (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

No spoilers, but I’m so glad this ended the way it did. So sweet <3

Help  (oneshot) by @blushingjared

I came across this fic and was immediately intrigued. Then I started reading and I was captivated from the first sentence until the very last. The author did such a good job with setting the scene and painting the right picture.

Talking Bodies (oneshot) by @ne-gans

This AU-Sam is such a huge weakness of mine. That, in combination with this dangerously filthy masterpiece, is nothing short of perfection.

Nominated by @focusonspn

Into The Woods (series) by @amanda-teaches

So well written, interesting plot and great development. The chemistry between Y/N and Dean is also amazing, and I loved how this mini-series could be so easily part of the show. Totally worth reading.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeamindfield 

Stranger Than FanFiction (series) by @cherry3point14

The premise is similar to the film Stranger Than Fiction – a story about a story being written about you – and it’s just as hilarious. Also, Cherry Pie is still one of the funniest writers in this corner of SPN fandom.

“You’re not supposed to move your head if there’s someone trying to murder you, probably…”

No, I wouldn’t think so, but lollllll

“You’re being insane, out loud.”

Omgggg

“It tried, oh, how the door tried to divert her attention from the unknown men who could be terrible, rule-breaking influences on her. However the door was only wood and she was a stubborn woman made of free will and limbs—a woman who refused to be deceived.”

“Your hand is on the doorknob before the mention of your limbs has finished rattling around your head.  Realistically you don’t want to encourage the voice by doing what it says. After all, the voice’s ultimate goal seems to be killing you.”

BAHAHAHAH omfg you guys

I need to stop quoting from this bc I probably seem insane to those of you who haven’t read this, so stop being judgy buttheads and go read!

Nominated by @flamencodiva

The Choice (series) by @superfanficnatural

A couple of things. 1) this is an amazing fic that highlights Dean unwillingness to let himself go until it’s almost too late. and 2) the smut in this is hot hot hot hot! not for anyone under 18 years of age.

Mert has a way with words and can literally pluck you into one and make you see it as it comes to life in your head.

Mine (series) by @holylulusworld

Lulu has an abundance of different stories she tells and this one is my favorite of her ABO’s at the moment. (although I love all of them) I think this one deserved a mention. I am glad she joined to Pond so I could help nominate and spread her amazing work!

One Night at a Time (series) by @crashdevlin

Another great fic by Cassie! This one shot full of Angst, Smut, and if you squint just the right amount of Dean fluff. She has a way of capturing your attention and putting you in the world as you read.

What He Lost (oneshot) by @jensengirl83

This short story by Brandy is sure to rip your heart out. she leaves just a bit of hope where you think there is a chance only to crush it completely with the ending. This one is sure to bring you to tears if you are looking for the most delicious angsty story to read.

Nominated by @risingpheonix761

Down The Rabbit Hole (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

So, this was hysterical. XD I love crack fics, and bad smut in particular, and this one hits the spot. (I’ve also learned several new horrible euphemisms lol). The ending, though? Golden!

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Affair (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I love how well all the characters are portrayed I truly hate everyone except the reader! Well done!!  

Red Riding Hood - or how you ran into a wolf... (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I have nothing to say about this. I will simply allow the puddle I have become to speak for me. 

Last Omega On Earth (oneshot) by @holylulusworld 

This was a great entry in the ABO world. and we need more of this and more like !!!!! Great work!

My Beta (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I am a greedy little bitch with this fic.  I think I've read it 3-4 since i first read it this month!!!!!! READ THIS FIC!  

Third Period (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Some truly inspiring smut.  Inspiring to change my panties. 

Gods of Twilight (series) by @thecleverdame​

I think i posted this fic in my rec before, but it is so amazing and intricate that i can't stop gushing about it.  Fucking awesome. 

Apple Pie (oneshot) by @bad268​ 

The amazingness of this is great, check this guppy out!

Deal (oneshot) by @bad268 

Comedy at some of its's finest!!! 

Confession (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

THE FLUFFFFFFF!!!! I don't read straight fluff.  So get the tissues ready.

Fallen (series) by idreamofplaid

My therapist has told me i'm not longer allowed to talk about this fic during our sessions.  So instead i shall now talk about it here... *pulls out soapbox* ahem... *gets pulled away with hook*

Memory (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This fic is older, but i love it so much.  I recently went back and reread it, and the angst and reconciliation in this fic are heartwrenching.

Home (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

My dentist bill the month was higher than normal, due to the new cavities caused by this fic.

Imperfectly Yours (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Cuteness overload as you get Dean's perspective of Home ^^

Second Hand News (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Alright listen. I am a glutton for punishment.  And this fic, I asked for.  Also i had it set within one of the universes we now own.  That all being said, reading this was like a dose of my own medicine and it fucking hurt.

Honesty And Lies (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

This was super dirty, and great.  Totally recommend. 

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

The Classifieds (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

This is rip your heart out and stomp on it angst right here. So well written, but so, so heartbreaking.

So Much More Than Perfect (oneshot) by @imagineteamfreewill

This fic is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. It made me tear up a bit, but who doesn’t love Dean being the most protective, most adorable dad ever?!

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Dear Dean (series) by @smol-and-grumpy

It’s one of those series that makes you wants more after every chapter. It’s a brilliant story.

Left Behind (series) by @kittenofdoomage

It’s the only John Fic I can read over and over and over again. Its hot, the plot is awesome! And it makes me wants more each and every time I read it.

Not Much Left (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

I think Beka tries to kill her readers every time she writes smut… or she just tap into our mind what we want or what we fantasize about. Every single time I’m speechless by her talents!

Yes Professor (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s a Misha fic, there’s no one who write Misha the way Beka does!!!

Owe You One (series) by @supernatural-jackles

It’s such a great series! The friends with Benefit and Mechanic!Dean… I just love this so much and I don’t have words to describe how good this one is!!

Flirty In French (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is brilliant, and I know its an old one, but from someone who finally decided to read more and from someone who is from Quebec, this is absolutely brilliant! The flirty french pick up line are so hilarious!

Nominated by @moosekateer13

Watching for Comets (series) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully captures the song that it was inspired by.

It also showcases things that when things are meant to be.

I’ll will all fall into place.

Please Trust Me (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully emotionally captures what it’s like to have trust issues.

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

Last Call (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer 

It was everything we needed and wanted.

Culinary Exploits (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

Too utterly ridiculous not to get a mention.

His Omega (oneshot) by @iflostreturntosteverogers 

A sweet little comfort fic of Dean being utterly perfect caring for his Omega. Carrie also pulled off keeping this gender neutral, which isn’t something I see a lot of, and probably something I’d struggle with, so hats off to you, babe.

Poison (oneshot) by @supernatural-jackles 

YES omg i feel this on such a level. I’ve gone through that shit myself. A friend who lets you down so profoundly but then acts as if you’re the most toxic person in the world.  Nothing feels as good as letting go of that shit and moving on to better things. This was beautiful, and perfect, and TRUTH.

Amara (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

This one hurt. It really hurt, but it hurt so good that I’m left wanting more.

Take Me Now (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87  

If Dawn doesn’t continue this, I’ll riot.

Stuck On You (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage  

I rarely read a fic this long (I just don’t usually have the time) but it looked too interesting for me to scroll past, and it had me completely captivated. I needed to know what would happen as if I needed air, even though I could guess how it ended, I needed to read the words. Phenomenal.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[thestorytellersapprentice]

Pulled out of Orbit

Pairing: Jo Yeong/Myeong Seung-ah

Fandom: The King: Eternal Monarch

Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff

Summary: Being in a possible courtship with Jo Yeong sucked. One minute, he could be so sweet (albeit also such a grandma), but next he could act like such a prick, she wanted to throw something at his head.

Notes: Unbeta-ed. Post drama. A direct continuation to "Over Booze and Buzz", and references "Duality of a Man", but the two fics are not absolutely required to read and enjoy this. This can also work as a stand-alone, though their relationship in this fic will feel more natural if you’ve read the mentioned fics as companions :)

Link: ArchiveofOurOwn / Fic Master list on Tumblr

~ How would you feel, if you had this crush on someone who you thought was really, really cool, the best on his field, the shield of the nation, the personification of an action hero, just, like, insanely cool and all, okay, and said crush had just swooped in and whisked you away from - well, at the expense of sounding a little bit dramatic - death? Would you even have any brain capacity to put together even a coherent thought?

No?

Yeah, same here, Myeong Seung-ah concluded.

“It's just a graze,” the doctor, a kind-looking man in his early seventies who had tended to her, had said after inspecting her wound.

Seung-ah blinked several times, trying to scare the blurriness away. 

She was vaguely aware that she was still vertical, sitting somewhere inside the medical van. Her entire body was still kind of sore from the impact, and some part of the back of her head still throbbed, ever slightly. She tried to hold up the ice pack against her head properly, but her arm felt like jelly, nearly with no energy left.

“You might have a mild concussion," the doctor continued as he finished up bandaging her upper arm. "Make sure you have someone staying with you tonight."

Seung-ah nodded at that, but her mind was not really there. Instead, she flashed back to the series of events which just happened.

One minute she was standing to the side, busy composing and drafting posts of the King’s opening speech for the official Royal SNS account, and the next thing she knew, gunshots rang out loud inside the stadium and chaos ensued. She barely had time to register what the hell had just happened when she caught him on her line of sight: the shooter, a masked man with the black baseball cap. He was emptying his gun blindly among the fleeing crowds before turning his aim at her general direction.

If someone had asked her what thought crossed her mind at that fateful time, then Myeong Seung-ah could only answer with: nothing.

It all happened too fast.

She just knew that she was completely frozen, rooted on her spot, and then another gunshot rang out - too loud, why is it so loud - and then she just remembered the blur of a shadow came in between the bullet and her, tackling her to the ground, hard.

It took Seung-ah a while - felt too much like a lifetime - to realize that it was Jo Yeong.

The Captain had her pinned down, his body covering her view completely from the madman as he wasted no time barking orders to secure His Majesty away and take the assailant down. She remembered taking a peek over his shoulders in muted awareness, seeing his fellow royal guards swarming in on the shooter. A couple of guys from the special forces, identifiable from their all-black uniform, also joined in, all of their weapons drawn up.

So, yeah, basically, she was almost shot.

If the Captain hadn't tackled her to the ground, then she was sure that her body would be decorated by bullet holes by now. She knew how extremely lucky she was that the bullet just grazed her. If it was a couple of centimeters more to the side, then-

Seung-ah stopped that trail of thought.

Her head spun.

She could not stop herself to recall that it was not her first time being rescued by the Captain. Curiously, it just happened that both times involved a madman with a gun.

If she was a believer that there was no such thing as mere coincidences, only fate, then Seung-ah would definitely interpret it as a clear warning sign from the Universe: stay very far away from this man, he’s dangerous.

She turned in her seat, seeking him out.

Her head throbbed even more from the movement, but she was more overwhelmed by how it felt like her heart just made a weird flip inside her chest as she realized that the man in question, Captain Jo Yeong, was still there, on the exact same spot she last saw him after he had rushed her to the medic.

He was still standing on the edge of the opened van, his gaze directed slightly to the side, sporting a hard expression on his face. He looked like he could and had every intention to murder someone.

Yeah, he definitely is dangerous.

“She’s okay, Jo daejangnim,” the elderly doctor got up to approach the Captain. He ducked his head to avoid the ceiling. “Mild concussion, perhaps, but as long as she’s careful, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you, Doctor Byun,“ Seung-ah heard him say quietly.

The doctor patted the younger man on the shoulder before he exited the vehicle, presumably to talk to his team.

Directly after, the Captain climbed into the van and took the seat beside her. He kept a calculated distance, but it was still close enough for their shoulders and knees to touch.

His gaze first landed on her newly bandaged arm, before moving up to her face and lingered there. Their eyes locked. “You really feel okay?”

“Guess so,” Seung-ah replied, probably a beat too soon, but what else could she respond to that? It was not as if she could tell the man beside her that it took a great deal of her self-restraint not to just lean on his shoulder right there and then.

She wondered briefly if he would let her. He did allow, and even initiate, things to happen between them already, so it was a fair assumption that she had the privilege. But she thought better of it.

She just felt extremely tired and wanted to sleep, so, so bad.

Seung-ah crossed her arms purposefully. Her hands were still shaking, slightly, but she hoped he didn’t notice.

There was no such luck, though, she could see it from the way one his eyebrows twitched slightly upon her lie. But he did not make a comment.

Instead, he just let out a long, low exhale, before continuing on, his voice soft and steady, “Come on, let’s get you home.”

~

In the car, the next thing Seung-ah did after giving him her address was to call Choi Soo-ji, her childhood friend. She did hear and remember the kind doctor's advice not to be alone, and she intended to comply.

If she was being honest with herself, of course she wanted no one but Jo Yeong himself to stay with her that night. But even at her most self-serving state, Seung-ah knew how crazy it sounded and she would not even entertain that idea any further.

She chose to focus her attention to Choi Soo-ji instead. "Soo-ji-ya, can you come over and stay with me tonight?"

"Right now? What's the occasion?" Soo-ji was a cellist and Seung-ah knew that she was currently busy preparing for her solo recital, but she just felt awkward phoning her other friends. She mostly got estranged from most of them except for Soo-ji when she was living in Canada. Choi Soo-ji was kind of her only hope.

"I-"

Seung-ah thought it over quickly, thinking of how much she should tell her. Her friend would find out the truth from the news pretty soon anyway, if she hadn’t already. Seung-ah assumed it was futile to try dodging the question, so she finally settled on the following, "I banged my head at work today. Need you to monitor me, just in case I grow two heads or something."

At the end of the line, her so-called best friend just responded with: "Don't you have those already?"

“Yah, Choi Soo-ji,” Seung-ah chided. But actually, she was glad that her friend chose to joke about it. There was a lifelong understanding between them, and she was really not in the mood to answer any more questions than what was necessary.

The cellist chuckled. “Alright then. Some heads up, though, I’m gonna raid your chocolate and ice cream stash. I’m this close to losing my mind!”

After they both said their goodbyes, Seung-ah stole a glance sideways at the Captain as she ended the call.

For some reason, she found herself at a loss for words, wondering what she should open their conversation with. It was weird, really, because she usually had no problem teasing him or anything. But at that moment, her mind just went blank.

True, they had kissed that night during the King's birthday, not just in the locker room, but also at the secluded halls of the palace. (It was one of the perks of getting it from a Royal Guard who knew precisely where all the CCTV cameras were by heart.) And Seung-ah had to stress that the kissing part was good. More than good, actually.

It was intense, and a little bit rough.

It was everything she imagined it would be and then more-

But they hadn’t even had the chance to have the talk.

Both were practically swept away with their respective responsibilities right after the party ended. Him, with the security debriefing, and her, with the event photos and publication which needed to move on tight deadlines.

After that, the following few days happened to be a busy period for the Captain, something that Seung-ah herself was also privy to as a staff of the PA Office. The King and Royal Court always had several public appearances scheduled right following his birthday, many which she also helped to organize, and she and her coworkers had been working around the clock to accommodate the sudden changes which always seemed to happen around such events.

Between the two of them, phone messages were exchanged and short calls were occasionally made, but they all happened sporadically. Often, he would reply to her messages on all sorts of odds hours. In return, she would feel bad engaging him in extended trivial conversations, so their message thread was a mess of half-baked inquiries and choppy attempts at discourse.

She was even worried that he was not getting enough sleep as he should, so Seung-ah had to practice a whole lot of self-restraints.

Being in a possible courtship with Jo Yeong sucked.

Of course, she would like to know where they stood too. Were they considered dating already? Were they still strictly coworkers, but he's still trying to court her? Was it still the other way around, her chasing him? Or all of it didn't mean anything to him?

Seung-ah was pretty sure it wouldn't come to the last option, though. She was not a genius, but the fact that the Captain of the Royal Guards chose to stay with her and take her home instead of guarding the King in the aftermath of such a huge incident felt like a declaration already, coming from him.

So, why was she being so nervous, all of the sudden?

It should be the uncomfortable silence which fell between them. He didn’t even turn on his radio, no surprise there, but even for his standards, it was a new level of quietness.

It unnerved her.

What really did not help was that his cell phone, which was connected to his car systems, kept ringing and ringing, and he kept declining the calls. He had even taken off his earpiece too, she realized belatedly when she noticed that his right ear was bare, no device in sight.

She really tried to make sense of the mood - his mood, to be more specific, but she was only able to come up with one easy assumption: he must be furious.

"Daejangnim?" she started, testing the water.

He did not even give her any indication that he heard her.

"Are you....angry?" She took a pause, unsure if she should continue. But she did. She wanted to know. "With me?"

Seung-ah watched him carefully as his furrowed brows deepened upon hearing the question.

"No,” he replied. Icy. Curt. Dismissive. What he said totally contradicted how he said it.

At times like these, she just hated his monosyllabic tendencies.

He confused her further though, by finally turning to look at her as they stopped in traffic. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?" He had said, his tone was tender this time around. "I'll wake you when we've arrived."

Seung-ah decided she would just agree to his suggestion. Her head did feel heavy, and his ever changing moods were a bit too much for her to also deal with at the moment.

Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the window, and soon drifted off.

~

"Be sure to give the hospital a call on the first sign of discomfort, okay?" He reminded her, seemed to revert back to his gentle self when he escorted her to her front door. "Watch out for any ringing in your ears, nausea, or even if you experience any sleep disruption."

"I will. Thank you for taking me home, daejangnim," she said, basking in his attention.

"Has your friend arrived already?”

“Hang on.”

Soo-ji knew her passcode, so Seung-ah just needed to key in her code and check her apartment’s entryway for her friend’s shoes to know the answer. And right on cue, Soo-ji’s bright red pumps greeted her sight. They were already lined up neatly beside her boots and heels, in exchange for one of her room slippers.

“Ah, yes, she’s here already,” Seung-ah informed him, feeling a pang of disappointment. She would not get the chance to invite the Captain inside for a quick tea after all. She was not ready for him to meet any of her friends just yet, even if said friend was Soo-ji. Especially Soo-ji, with her Spanish Inquisition.

“Okay then,” Jo Yeong had said. He nodded his goodbye greeting and then turned on his heels. She caught the sight of him instantly re-attaching his earpiece as he started to go down the stairs.

Seung-ah stayed put, leaving her door open as she watched his receding back for a while. The Captain finally took his phone out and answered his call. “Cut it out, Heok-pil. You don't have to keep calling me. I've told you, I'll deal with it after I got back-"

She could still hear his frustrated sigh from her doorway, before his voice became fainter as he expanded the distance. "Fine, might as well. Just put him on.”

Seung-ah visibly deflated.

Being in a potential courtship with Jo Yeong totally sucks, big time.

~

At first, she thought that it should be a mistake.

But then she reread and reread the latest email that the Captain of the Royal Guards had just sent to the whole PA Office regarding their latest proposal, and then she just went angrier by the minute. No, enraged.

She never thought such a day would come. Not that soon, anyway.

"Where is Jo daejangnim?" demanded Seung-ah to her Royal Guards acquaintance, Park In-young, whom she encountered just outside of the Royal Guards Headquarter which also served as the Palace’s Control Tower.

The Royal Guard in question had just closed the door to said office behind her. “He’s inside,” In-young replied.

She should have noticed the fire in her eyes, because In-young continued a beat later, her tone urgent, “Hey, you don't want to disturb him right now, Miss Myeong Seung-ah."

Why the hell not, was what she’d like to say, but it was not In-young she was furious with. So, Seung-ah settled with, "Why not?"

"He had been pulling all-nighters for several days now. Heok-pil had gotten such an earful about some minor typos in his report, Jo daejangnim looked like he’s this close to explode. He is scariest whenever he’s trying to hold it in instead, you know.”

Ah, so he still retained his murderous mood from the incident, Seung-ah thought.

“We all have been walking in eggshells,” she concluded. "Tread with caution."

“Thank you for the warning,” Seung-ah replied, even though she felt like she did not give a damn.

At that time, she would bet that she was even angrier than him, though strictly only for professional reasons. On the personal front, her relationship with the Captain was having very little progress since he had dropped her off last week, but it was indeed peak season for both and they took their respective jobs very seriously, so she had no complaints on that subject as of yet. What also helped was his last text to her, which was stamped at 5:02 a.m. that morning, consisted of a sincere morning greeting and a gentle reminder to bring her umbrella to work that day because of the weather forecast. She had been woken up to it with a smile on her face.

Jo Yeong could be sweet when he wanted to (albeit also such a grandma).

But he could also turn into such a prick at work.

“Jo daejangnim, I would like some explanation, please," she wasted no time stating her disapproval right after she entered his office. She marched up towards his desk. "You can't just-"

Seung-ah stopped herself when she finally arrived in front of him.

He looked bad. Well, that was such a quick way to describe it, actually, but it did sum up the sight before her at that moment.

When she approached, he was in the middle of pinching his temples with one hand, rubbing them with his thumb and middle finger in circular motion. The Captain stopped what he was doing, though, once he clearly registered her voice. When he lowered his hand, Yeong looked weary, the dark circles under his eyes were unmistakable, and he was slightly paler than usual.

He let out an annoyed exhale as he rose up from his seat to meet her gaze.

His voice came out scarily level then, like it took him a great deal not to chew her up right then and there. "I've sent memos to the Royal Public Affairs Office about our code of conduct, have I not? You cannot just propose a new event, on such an open space, consisting of such outrageous proposals to involve so many civilians on divided fronts, with just a week's notice to the Royal Guards. I have explained it all in the documents, which now I doubt you read."

Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the remaining Royal Guards in the room try to shuffle quietly towards the door.

"But you cannot just make the recommendation to dismiss the whole event. We've worked hard for months on it-”

"I can, and I just did," he stood his ground. At that point, he gave her an unflinching glare.

Seung-ah felt like crying in frustrations.

The Royal Public Affairs, especially she, had been working on the event for months. They planned on revamping the Royal Court image to reflect the modern times and promote science and knowledge all at the same time by inviting carefully selected digital influencers from various backgrounds to a single conference: from biotechnology scientists, startup practitioners, financial advisors, to entrepreneurs and digital marketers. There should be a packed schedule of interactive presentations, and each of the influencers would be prompted to stream the conference’s contents to their own platforms. Offline and online spreading of knowledge and networking opportunities, all at once.

The King, being a man of science and knowledge himself, had been reviewing the initiative with enthusiasm right from the start. He had even volunteered his expanded time to collaborate on-site with a few of the influencers.

To say that the event was a big deal for Seung-ah was a bit of an understatement.

"I'm just trying to understand," her voice quivered slightly then.

Yeong closed his eyes at that, his eyebrows knitted even more than usual as he let out a long exhale. "Please, not now, Miss Myeong Seung-ah."

When he reopened his eyes, she was stunned to see the resigned plea in his eyes. "My head hurts," he said, quietly.

She softened in an instant.

"I'm sorry if I make it worse," she said, her anger evaporated. “I just-”

She did not finish her sentence. Everything she had been prepared to counterattack him with felt awfully childish then. She had never seen the Captain like that. He made her both confused and slightly terrified at the same time.

They fell into a pregnant pause.

Yeong threw his gaze away from her after a while. And then, after drawing in a breath, he finally confessed, "I- I did not even think about Pyeha when I dived in to save you."

Seung-ah froze, taking his admission in. The patterns and connections started to form in her head.

He should have felt lost, she realized. Jo Yeong, the best swordsman of the nation, whose single focus for almost the entirety of his life was to protect His Majesty and His Majesty only, suddenly had his life priorities yanked from under him.

How was she supposed to know that her initiative to have both the King and herself circling the conference independently all day long was enough to push the Captain over the edge?

He looked absolutely terrified. "Look what you've done to me, Miss Myeong Seung-ah."

Seung-ah rushed over to him then, hugging him real tight. Her heart ached seeing him that way. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry I make it harder for you. I didn't know you feel that way."

He burrowed his head on the crook of her neck, returning her embrace.

They stayed like that for a while.

"I'll follow your stupid rules, then,” Seung-ah relented, her voice half muffled by his shirt.

Yeong let out an incredulous chuckle.

Finally, Seung-ah thought, the tightness in her chest instantly dissipated. She would have to overhaul her proposal, but she supposed it’s worth it. She realized that she was way too lenient with the man.

"Thank you," he replied quietly. He broke their embrace to look at her properly. “Just this once. Next time, give me much more time to prepare, will you? We can go over the best course of action together."

“I need to make sure I can protect both you and the Majesty at all times,” was unsaid, but he didn’t need to spell it out for her. She could see it in his eyes, loud and clear.

“It’ll be my pleasure,” she replied, already pulling him into another hug.

A few minutes passed, and when it should’ve dawned on him that she probably wouldn’t budge anytime soon, Yeong finally voiced his concern, "Uh, Seung-ah?"

"Let me be," she said. "Just for five minutes more. I just had a fight with my captain, I need some time to calm myself down."

Somewhere above her, she heard Yeong made a mortified noise.

She just stood there, comforted by the sound of his beating heart. Strong. Steady. The one who's worried for her. Her protector.

Seung-ah's smiles got wider as Yeong started to caress her hair.

Being in a courtship with Jo Yeong can be so wonderful, her heart is full.

[glumpiglet]

Reassurance (Beetlejuice x F!Reader)

Uh.. Hi..Its a me..a humble fic writer joining the massive phenomenon that has been the obsession with our fav feral ghost boi. I’ll write a more in depth first post but basically yeah...I just wanted to contribute and uh I’ll be happy to take any tips or comment..Long time tumblr reader..First time tumblr writer.

Basically there was a prompt post by @boopeen that had angst and fluff prompts so I’m like.. maybe I’ll take one from each list and then this was born.

CW: Bit of swearing, slightly smutty, bordering on NSFW. A mention of Daddy!kink.

Thanks guys <3 I love this fandom

Angst: "no, you're wrong, and here's why."

Fluff "that means a lot, thank you.”

This was the part you were dreading. Glancing at the clock, you noticed it had been an hour since you started getting ready. Not that there was any worry though, the friend picking you up was always late. You had sat at your vanity and painted your face flawless. Fussed with your hair enough to have it the way it looked best tonight, had even put in the dangling earrings, and now just were standing still, bra and panties, hands on your hips, staring at a steadily growing pile of clothes on the bed. Options were running out..  

It wasn’t like fashion was never a strong suit. All your life you had been outwardly confident. Sure, you knew what looked good on other people, you had very fashionable friends that always turned to you for advice, but had been weary of things actually on you. 

Why did you bother buying any of this crap? You hated most of it. Only a few choice outfits would make your rotation. The rest of it was either stuff friends pressured you into buying, or things that might have fit better last year, but people weren’t lying when they said being in a relationship could cause you to gain weight. 

Especially when said boyfriend was the spoiling, gluttonous little demon boy you called lovebug. 

Speaking of the devil, your eyes caught a green blur of movement before your body was scooped up in a tight embrace. Beetlejuice had no patience. 

Even as he had strolled out of your bedroom earlier, claiming to be going to watch some t.v, ‘leave you to that girl stuff babes.’ You had seen him outside your room, peeking in, trying and failing miserably to be sneaky. It wasn’t that he wasn’t invited in or anything, but he was silly your ghost demon boyfriend. It was his attempt at giving you ‘space’. 

He knew he got especially clingy when you were going out.

If he had it his way you’d never leave the house. All his all the time. After many conversations, some louder and angrier than others, you had both come to a happy medium of trust and honesty. 

Of course life wasn’t perfect. 

Beetlejuice was impulsive, chaotic and emotional. 

You were stubborn, dramatic and forceful. 

The two of you butted heads just as much as you made up, but you knew your relationship wasn’t ‘toxic’. If anything your relationship had only been getting stronger. Your demon boyfriend was very understanding that you couldn’t live your life that way, a breather stuck with the dead all the time, as sweet as he might make it sound. 

But you did want him around, no debating that. 

“Changing your mind, babes? Can’t blame ya, you know I’m much better company,” Giggling at his scruff tickling your neck, along with his sloppy tongue. You caressed his arms as you left his embrace, wiping at his saliva and went for your closet. Distraction could not win, tempting as it was or not. 

Maybe you could wear the jeans you recently bought with that blouse you got for Christmas….Except you needed to put on your bodysuit for the blouse, it was too see through..Where was that thing?

Your backside was burning with Beetlejuice’s intense gaze as you rummaged into your closet. Wanting to be a bit cheeky, pun intended, you shimmied your hips and said saucily, “Sorry BJ. I haven’t changed my mind. Just trying to figure out what to wear,”

Seduction attempts were honestly quite easy with your boyfriend. It literally took almost nothing to get Beetlejuice going. You had even seen him get aroused by you making a sandwich.

“You licked the knife, babes.” Had been his excuse.

No complaints though, you were a woman in your prime. Humming in pleasure, you felt your hips get taken by chilled hands, caressing across the fabric of your underwear and backside, straight up massaging your ass.

“Mmm...Put on that black dress you know I love.” You crinkle your nose at his suggestion. His touch was wanted, his opinion..Maybe not so much. 

“Ugh, I wear that all the time.”

“Why are you being so picky? Trying to impress someone?” Chuckling softly, you had to commend him for trying to not sound suspicious. You knew Beetlejuice too well, turning around to see the tell-tale red tint beginning to come through his hair. You spare him a wilted look. 

On the tip of your tongue you had “yeah my other boyfriend.” But since the incident, you had been more diligent to think before you spoke with Beetlejuice. 

You had a habit of speaking before thinking, and before Beetlejuice you had no intention of ever curbing the reaction. But as with so much, he changed your view. Not because you had to walk around on eggshells with him, but you were getting to know his insecurities better, and respected that he didn’t like you making jokes like that, even if they were jokes.

There were other ways to be a brat.

Tilted your head, throwing over your shoulder, you whispered, “Don’t be silly. You know you’re the only one for me…..Daddy.”

No one, however, could say you didn’t know how to push his buttons. Beetlejuice purred like an alleycat. Luckily you hadn’t put on your lipstick yet, so you were okay to play a little.

Cupping his chin sweetly, you pulled him down to press your lips gently. Taking the lead, he was obviously giving you the reins, turning around fully to grab at his hair. Parted lips sucked and pulled against each other. 

Beetlejuice was holding back very well, good boy that he was. There was no choice but to reward him by scratching and pulling at his once again changing hair, not even having to look to know it would be bright pink this time. 

Your demonic mood ring growled and preened, more so like a beast than any sort of man.  

Not wanting to get too mussed up, regrettably you pulled back, trying not to laugh at his face following yours, lips pouted and eyes still closed, a dazed expression on his face. These were the moments you craved. Those soft, sweet moments you lulled him into with all of his chaos and craziness. That little ol’ you could bring this powerful being into your submission. 

Waiting until his eyes drifted open, all smiles you continued.

“Now please let me get dressed,” Kind enough to guide your love drunk boyfriend back to sit on your bed, you reevaluated the choices in the pile. Okay, these were the things you wore enough to consider them passable…...

“How about this one?” You considered the modest, billowy item he held, deciding to humour BJ, putting your arms through the holes of the dress he was holding. Laughing as he awkwardly stuck your head in, not knowing how to drape it on, you helped him happily.

Standing at the mirror, swaying, imagining how you’d look in this after a few hours in a smoky, hot club. 

“That looks great, babes! I don’t think I’ve seen you in this,”

Your critical eye still caught the flaws.

“I can see my rolls in this,”

“So? I love your rolls,” Beetlejuice joined you in the mirror, locking golden eyes with yours, a predator’s gaze. He grasped at your waist, across your problem areas with fervour. You scoffed and tore the dress over your head, throwing it unceremoniously back into your pile of shame. Beetlejuice, not deterred,  continued his search with glee, seemingly happy to be helping. It coincidentally was helping with your dying good mood. 

You tried not to get down on yourself. You knew you were cute. Had a generally pleasing face. People called you pretty. Being beautiful? Maybe not that far. The idea of being sexxy had never even occurred to you until you had stumbled upon Beetlejuice. You had never thought so but you knew he had no qualms with the eager way he always admired your body.   

“Ooo! Put this one on!” Pulled from your thoughts, watching as BJ pulled a colourful one from the hoard, he seemed to consider for a moment. “On second thought, no. Your tits look too good in this.”

“Beetlejuice!” You squealed as always at his candor, grabbing at the sweater he was holding. You quickly whipped it over your head turning to look in the mirror. Immediately you noticed your stomach protruding, distorting the design on the front. Even this one had become tighter, arms looking like sausages in their casing. That was it. A person could only take so much.  

“I have to face it BJ. Everything I wear, I look disgusting.” The comment tried to sound normal, but you couldn’t stop the anger in your voice. 

At the sudden silence, you looked up from yourself to your boyfriend. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. You guys had never really had a talk about your insecurities. It wasn’t something that happened on purpose, there was no need to ever discuss it before now. 

It was hard to feel insecure with the way he worshipped you nightly. 

It didn’t stop it from feeling like your truth at times, especially when the answers were in front of you. 

"No, you're wrong, and here's why." Grabbing once again at your arms, you were whirled around, trapped against the dresser.

“You are so fucking beautiful babes. It hurts sometimes to think that a gorgeous breather like you puts up with a creepy old guy like me,” Beetlejuice even went so far as to clamp his hand over your mouth, stopping the protest, surprising you.

“But I know you do because you see the me…..Inside of me,” It was hard to not melt when Beetlejuice was being so naively honest. How this demon could be so menacing one moment, and marshmallow fluff the next, it sometimes made your head spin.

“Who cares about the clothes anyways?! Babes, you could be wearing garbage bags with nothing on your feet and you’d still be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole afterlife,”

At your ghost’s praise, the realization of being ridiculous began to break through. You knew that you were happy and healthy, which mattered more than whatever dumb voices whispered.

“I know you don’t see it, it’s just...Some days I feel like I look fine and others…..I don’t.”

Beetlejuice embraced you, pressing his entire body against you. Listening to him breath in your hair, taking in his own mossy, earthy smell, you felt peace.

“Even if you don’t feel it, that’s okay. I’ll always tell you your beautiful...Uh… I mean, as long as you know…We’re...dating.” Any mention of commitment was difficult for BJ. You knew of his … ‘Family’ issues and his fears of loneliness and abandonment. If anything, it made you love him even fiercer. 

He would tell you he loved you, when he was ready. You guys had been basically living together for almost a year. It was clear how he felt, even if he couldn’t voice it. You weren’t pressuring him, you could see how hard it was for him.

Affection and sex were the things Beetlejuice didn’t struggle with, always needing to be touching you, constantly buzzing around your area, trying to steal all your attention. Was he a massive pain in the ass? Of course. But you could withstand his quirks, all for the prize of your devoted bugman. There’s nothing you would change.

Taking his grimey face, you lovingly looked up at the weirdest, and the best thing that ever happened to you, and smiled. 

“That means a lot, thank you.”

[storythievesheadcanons]

Both for the fic thing but I was thinking for story thieves or rom

Okay, for ROM, as far as I know there’s only one and it’s the one I wrote: Destiny - it’s a Ria (Rachel x Jia) fluff fic I wrote, though it’s just a one shot. (Definitely wanna write more for them, though!)

As for Story Thieves fics I wrote, they’re all on AO3, but I’ll link them here for easier access:

Everything About You Is Just Terrible - Set between Stolen Chapters and Secret Origins. Tired of constantly messing up, Owen gets a SQUIP from the Be More Chill book in order to fix himself. (While knowledge of the book/musical is recommended, it’s not needed to read the fic.) One shot. No ships. Focuses on Owen/Bethany friendship. Warnings for angst.

The Flesh Will Have Its Way - Inspired by Hadestown/the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. One shot. Kielany. Warnings for character death and implied suicide.

Story Borrowers - A Borrowers Au of Story Thieves. It’s best to know The Borrowers by Mary Norton, or the movie The Secret World of Arietty to know what Borrowers are. Ongoing series. Only one story so far since I’m still working on the second part. No warnings for the story I currently have out, but there may be angst in future stories. I don’t plan for this series to be very ship focused.

Dreams Are Sweet Until They’re Not - A Hanahaki fic where Gwen develops the Hanahaki disease. Mostly a one shot, but I wrote three separate endings because I couldn’t decide how I wanted it to end (I’m planning on rewriting the second ending though, that one was rushed). Mostly Kielany/Gwethany. Focuses on Owen/Gwen friendship. Warnings for a lot of angst.

A Tiny Problem - After a battle with a new villain in Jupiter City, Orion is shrunk down to 4 inches tall. 11 chapters and finished. No ships (unless you want to count Christian x Catherine, but even then their romance is barely there). Focuses on Orion bonding with the Sandersons. Warnings for some angst.

Speaking of Tiny!Orion, I loved the idea so much that I also make other Tiny!Orion fics that don’t fit into the main story for reasons. Read them here! (Plus more to come in the future!)

Riley High School - A high school Au of Story Thieves. Ongoing series. Current canon ship: Kwethany (Gwen x Bethany x Kiel). Focuses more on friendship and interactions between the main seven, though (Kara is joining their group in sophomore year. Sorry to Kara fans who have to wait for her, this includes myself lol). No major warnings, as it’s mostly Slice of Life (there is angst, but I wouldn’t say it’s that bad).

Want a laugh? Here’s a story where I just put chapters of the High School Au through 10+ languages on Google Translate then put them back to English to see the result.

Big Brother - An Au where Orion joins Christian and Catherine in the nonfictional world and gets to be Bethany’s older brother. Ongoing (only 1 chapter up right now). No ships, focuses on Orion/Bethany sibling relationship. Currently no warnings for angst, but no guarantees for the future chapters :)

School Day - Part of a project I did with friends where we wrote about the Story Thieves kids but they’re young children. One shot. No ships. Focuses entirely on Bethany. Warnings for angst (isolation, loneliness, all that good stuff I projected onto her :D)

And I have so many ideas for more! I just have to stop daydreaming and actually start writing them lol

And here are fic recs I have, most of them from my friends! (Most of these links are AO3 links since that’s where I primarily read my fics):

Baby Story Thieves - This is the project I mentioned earlier that I did with my friends. It’s still ongoing, as we still have to finish the other kids’ stories, but aside from mine, we also have a story with young Kiel and Charm, and a story with young Orion. The Kiel and Charm one has some angst, but not too much, it’s more humorous if anything. The Orion one is very angsty. Warnings for character death. No ship focuses in any of these.

Story Thieves: Crashing Clouds - A free verse poem where Owen gets hurt and lands in the hospital. One shot. No ships, focuses on Bethany/Owen/Kiel friendship. Warnings for angst.

I’m Not Scared, Neither Are the Stars - Orion’s feelings after finding out that Christian and Catherine are engaged. One shot. No ships (unless you count the very background Christian x Catherine). Orion focused, along with Orion/OC friendship. Warnings for some angst, but not too much.

Left Behind - What happens to Moira after Stolen Chapters. Ongoing (currently 4 chapters). No ships. Moira focused. Only warnings for some swearing, but there’s nothing really needing warnings outside of that.

Reality Check - I’m pretty sure this is the most popular fic in our small fandom, but I’m recommending it anyway. Au where between Secret Origins and Pick the Plot, Nobody successfully split Bethany in two, and how the events play out instead. Ongoing (currently 54 chapters). Contains Kielany, Gwethany, Kowen, and Chowen, though most of the focus is on Kielany and Kowen. Warnings foR SO MUCH ANGST ESPECIALLY IN LATER CHAPTERS TO THE POINT I TOLD THE AUTHOR SHE LOST HER BONE PRIVILEGES SHES HURT ME TOO MUCH IN THIS FIC

How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) - by the same author above. A cute neighbors/high school Au. Ongoing (currently 4 chapters). Kowen fic. Currently no angst (or at least not much) but it does seem to imply emotional abuse with Kara. Not to mention this is from the author of Reality Check and I have trust issues with her because of that fic, so this could get a lot angstier, though she claims she doesn’t plan for it, but also idk.

Halloween Thieves - A cute story about the Story Thieves gang and Halloween. One shot. No ships, focuses entirely on their friendships. No warnings.

you are my home - Set during the end of Stolen Chapters with Kiel and Bethany saying goodbye to each other. One shot. Kielany focused. No warnings.

Nobody the drag queen - Crackfic Au thing where Nobody is a drag queen with mannequin friends. Don’t take it too seriously. Finished(?) two chapters. Second chapter focuses on Nobody x Everybody (if you don’t understand you really shouldn’t. I’ve contributed to this ship and even I don’t fully understand it). Warnings for the usual ridiculousness of a crackfic.

Kowen Secret Kiss Choice - A “hidden” chapter of Pick the Plot where Owen and Kara kiss. One shot. Kowen focused. No warnings.

Pink Lotuses and Cornflowers Blues - A story about Kara and Kiel’s friendship. Involves a lot of flower symbolism. One shot. No ships, focuses on Kara/Kiel friendship, with a bit of Orion with them towards the end. Warnings for angst from Kara’s end, but mostly nightmares.

Home - Gwen and Bethany find home in each other. One shot. Gwethany focused. No warnings.

Souls of the Fictional - Soulmate Au where your soulmate’s first words to you are written on your arm. Owen realizes who his soulmate is the moment he reads the first page of the first Kiel Gnomenfoot book. Ongoing (currently 1 chapter). Gnowen focused. No warnings so far.

The Next Battle - Five years later, the seven have to work together again after finding out that Fowen, Dolores, and the Countess escaped the Time Prison. Ongoing (currently 3 chapters). According to the author, the story will have Kowen, Chowen, Kielany, and Gwethany, though currently Chowen and Kielany are canon. No warnings so far, but I can’t say for sure for the rest of the story.

There’s definitely more fics out there, some I’ve read and others I haven’t, but in my opinion, these are definitely ones to read! (Plus this list is already long enough lol.)

(I already put so many links, so if you guys want to be tagged on your tumblr blogs, let me know and I’ll edit this!)

[lovelylogans]

You seem to be the person that I follow who knows the most about fanfic, and I kinda want to get into reading it again. I used to read a lot of phan or supernatural stuff and now I read none, lol. Can you rec me LAMP or any pairing between the light sides or platonic fics with happy endings? Even if it's the most basic ones that everyone has read, I probably haven't. Thanks so much!

*cracks knuckles*

this is gonna be a long one. it’ll go title, pairing, then super basic plot summary, so. below the cut!

as far as self-promotion goes, i’ll get that out of the way first and rec you some of my most popular stuff in this fandom. these links will be to ao3, though you can also find them on my tumblr:

where you lead, i will follow (romantic moxiety, romantic logince): 150k of a gilmore girls au that absolutely no one asked me for, you do not need to have read the show to read this. it’s slowburn friends-to-lovers moxiety and childhood friends-to-lovers for logince, this fic follows patton, who was a pregnant trans teen who ran away to the tiny town of sideshire, his son, logan, who just got accepted into one of the most prestigious high schools in the state, patton’s parents, emily and richard, who clash often with their son, virgil, the owner of the local diner and reason all the locals have not developed scurvy, and roman, a teenage dancer/dance instructor who just so happens to have a crush on his best friend. this is a big personal favorite of mine, and i’m still writing in that verse, so. 

lavender for luck (romantic polyamlamp): the fae family has been cursed with magic dating back two hundred years. with great power, however, comes a great price; any man or woman who falls in love with a fae is doomed to die. virgil fae is trying his best to ensure that that does not happen. as is his uncle, dee. however, three of the friends he makes at college makes that increasingly difficult, for him.

my true love gave to me (romantic prinxiety, romantic logicality): a christmas-centric fic of four roommates, all of which are in love with each other in some way. follow these disaster gays being wooed or attempting to woo their crush in time to make out under some mistletoe. (this fic was nominated for best overall in the fander fic awards on tumblr.)

not you again (romantic prinxiety): inexplicably my most popular fic in terms of tumblr notes, this follows roman being a Gay Disaster Barista who is crushing hard on one of his regulars, who unfortunately has a boyfriend (or does he?) ft. remy (aka the sleep character from thomas’ short vids.)

dance partner (platonic royality): the popularity of this one is also due to the fanart made by the incredible sanderstribute, roman takes patton for a night of dancing on the town. 

okay, that’s enough of my stuff. this section is mostly “fandom essentials” in that most people have either read them or are familiar with them, in some way. a lot of these are kind of old-school fander fics, but they’re still really good and a good introduction to fandom! mostly the most kudos/bookmarked fics on ao3. also a pretty good starting point to a variety of popular fic-types in this fandom.

to build a home (romantic logicality) by avalorouschoice on ao3: patton and logan adopt virgil from an orphanage. this is a lot of found family, kid-growing-closer-to-the-family, and it’s just. i Like It A Lot and i’m definitely due for a re-read of it, it’s just very sweet

starved (polyamlamp, ft. thomas) by @randomslasher: honestly, it was tough to pick just one randomslasher fic to put on the list (if you’d like more fandom essentials, i’d argue that lj has written a toooon of them so just reading through their fics would be good!) but this one kind of had to win out. this fic boils down to “virgil needs hugs desperately and hides how desperately he needs them from the other sides, the other sides find out, the other sides give him hugs.” that’s... yeah. that’s the one. it’s Good Stuff.

of trying and towers (romantic prinxiety) by @parsnipit: similarly difficult to parse down any parsnipit fics! a lot of their stuff ranks among my personal favorites, so again, just reading down the list of what they’d got is a Good Call especially once upon a dream, which is similarly one of those “fandom essentials.” this fic in particular is about thomas in medieval times, stuff goes wrong, and all the sides split up and are turned into what they hate/fear, and it’s their journey of teaming up together again and defeating the evil ruler in place of the kingdom. there’s dragons. it’s Good Stuff.

it’s only logical (romantic logicality, romantic prinxiety) by @tinysidestrashcaptain: logan owns a flowershop and hires single dad patton, while his best friend virgil, who owns a coffee shop, and roman flirts with virgil a lot. very cute, very sweet, kid thomas is Great! again, tstrashcaptain has a lot of the stuff i’d call “fandom essentials,” so. those! all good stuff!

silence and duality (platonic lamp) by @xaandiir: one of the first takes on the whole “dark sides” aspect we had, back in the day, this fic follows along with the sort of psychology/mentality of the sides as children, as they grow up, and the potential of what could happen to one of the dark sides, especially if they were rejected. i’m trying not to spoil it too much, but! again! good stuff!!

insomnia (platonic lamp) by @xaandiir: virgil cannot sleep, attempts to hide it from the other sides, and the other sides find out. Good Stuff. let the boy take a nap

learning & loving verse (romantic prinxiety, romantic logicality) by @virgilsjourney: jenna’s just... yeah, lots of really good fics there! again! a college verse fic in which Pining Roommates feature; virgil helps roman through some stage fright (trying not to spoil it!) to eventually star as fiyero in wicked, and the realization of Feelings throughout. good stuff!

college verse (platonic lamp) by @princelogical: again! one of those Really Great Authors to just read a ton of their stuff! this one in particular is a college verse, in which all the sides have various emotional reckonings. really great character development, really great backstory. i will say read the warnings, just in case!

and now, for some of my personal favorites. this is only a fraction of my favorite fics, and if you’d like more of my personal recommendations, i have a whole tag for fanfic! (if there’s an indent under, it just means ‘more by this author!’)

love and other fairytales (polyamlamp) by @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors: ohhh my fuckin god. worldbuilding a+, characterization a+, plot a+. have you ever wanted faerie!virgil and changeling!logan and witch!roman and a-little-cursed!patton??? you do! trust me you do! i have no idea how to describe it without spoiling any of the plot, however, i will say that this is basically just Straight Up a novel and has developed a little fandom of itself which is honestly so lovely to see, so!

faded with uncertainty (romantic prinxiety): in the aftermath of ‘dealing with intrusive thoughts,’ roman finds virgil crying in the midst of the mindscape and comforts him in the aftermath of That Reveal that virgil had in the video

blanket!verse (romantic prinxiety, romantic logicality): a few oneshots of varying topics, this deals with virgil and his anxiety in his new relatinoship, as well as patton’s tendency to hide emotions, with fluff involved in each. (canoodling especially it’s so soft and fluffy and just!!!)

track seven (romantic logicality): logan struggles with his emotions and snaps and blows up at everyone; patton tries his best to get to the bottom of it.

lovely, dark, and deep (romantic analogical) by @teacupfulofstarshine:  MERMAIDS!!!! virgil’s a doctoral student and thomas is his advisor, and logan, roman, and patton are all mermaids, of a sort. very good, very gay, the imagery is spectacular and it is Good! Stuff!!!

little and broken (but still good): moxiety as dads! logan, roman, and thomas are their kids! they’re all so good! so cute! really great family feels! i cry every single time! the domesticity! the FLUFF! it is a masterpiece!

the pattonella au (romantic analogical, romantic royality): oh my actual god, star, YOUR MIND, this au is just such a wonderful take on the cinderella fairytale and putting it within the context of the sides with its own little twists and turns, they are Cute and Good and the development of the relationship in the aftermath of a cinderella-type event is just chef’s kiss 

living in the real world (ain’t it fun): the sides coalesce into the real world, and thomas is KIND OF FREAKING OUT about it; they’re having trouble adjusting, at first, but since the work’s still in progress you can see them kind of slowly coming to terms with it and it’s just a take on the “sides become people” au that i’ve never really seen before so!!!!!!

stardust sleeper (and the college!verse in general): logan gets to take the nap He Deserves, there are Cute Accents in here, and it’s just a very cute, very good domestic slice-of-life in the midst of the chaos that is college. it’s Very Cute and Very Sweet and please just read it oh my god???? 

internal bleeding (past romantic logicality, romantic prinxiety) by @princelogical: virgil and roman come to visit patton at christmas, in the aftermath of patton’s husband’s death; his husband is very aware that he’s dead, but he hasn’t been able to leave yet. angst, hurt/comfort, Oh My Fuckin God

the queerplatonic logince verse: logan and roman are in a queerplatonic relationship, and the stuff that entails. i just really like it whenever someone focuses on aro or ace sides, and i think this is a really well-done portrayal of the fact that relationships absolutely do not need to be romantic in order to be significant.

i feel like it’s just me: patton is a professional cuddler, and the people he meets in the course of that job, ft. some patton angst and general thoughts about loneliness. to quote, “this is more of a concept piece,” but i very much like the concept

lists.: just a short, sweet lil thing about the other sides appreciating logan.

hold your breath until it’s okay by insertfandomjoke, @notafeeling on tumblr: a brooklyn 99 style au in which logan is the captain, and virgil, roman, and patton are the detectives—it’s a “Five Times They Closed a Case Without Anyone Getting Hurt and the One Time They Didn't” au. 

in which we are all virgil: in which virgil stares at elliott and thinks “oh no they cute!!!” and also presents elliott as joan’s anxiety and dr. picani as a fusion between patton and logan and it just. Good!

sweaters: patton makes his boyfriends all christmas sweaters and They Cute

habits (romantic logicality) by @astralbone: human au, slice-of-life kind of thing. the characterizations are Very Good and honestly i just really love to read it. both of them are hurting and their life may not be perfect but they’re fitting together and it’s just. it’s Very Good

sanders sides ficlets by @virgilsjourney: ranging a variety of topics/timespans in terms of the series, there is a ton here. you want movie night fluff? it’s here! you want hurt/comfort angst in which roman is locked away like in the snow queen? you got it! you want logan and patton mend up after moving on???? it’s here! just a lot of really good stuff!!!!!!

blink back to let me know (romantic moxiety, hinted romantic logince) by @virgilsanxiety and @shakespearesocks: virgil and patton are both pining, logan and roman don’t get paid enough for this, and they are Good Soft Boys who maybe need to improve a bit at communication

logic’s notebooks (romantic analogical) by @parsnipit: logan keeps notebooks about all the sides and feels bad about it; in the midst of all this, some Very Great domestic analogical

and you lied to all your selves (romantic prinxiety, romantic logicality) by penrosequartz: i haven’t read this in a minute, but it’s a prinxiety fic in which they get closer, and virgil is being, well, anxious, and i’d recommend you read the warnings but!!! loosely structured, good characterization, it’s just some! good! stuff!

migraine (analogical) by @theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly (philosophicalrune on ao3): virgil is overworking himself through a migraine, logan helps him feel better, and tries his best to make virgil feel better. it’s cute and sweet and very good in terms of hurt/comfort, i tend to go back to it whenever school is stressing me out, so that should tell you something!

smile (platonic moxiety) by @doggo-fiends-on-a-spaceship: to steal their alternative title, “Alternatively titled: Virgil has a nightmare and wants a hug, but being emotionally constipated, Cannot Ask for one.” virgil has a nightmare and spends the night in patton’s room; the trouble is, patton did not know that he was doing that until he nearly trips over virgil. they are Good Boys and it’s just Real Nice

again, this is a tiny, miniscule fraction of really spectacular fics in this fandom—there’s a lot of talented people here, so happy reading!

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

Practicalities of Censorship

Every so often I see a thread cross my dashboard arguing about censorship with relation to AO3 - in particular people claiming that AO3 is bad because it allows basically any story regardless of content, that people are bad for supporting it, or that AO3 should implement some method by which problematic fics get taken down. These complaints are usually met with explanations around the history or AO3, why it was implemented the way it was, and why thinking that AO3 is fine the way it is does not equal being a pedophile. I want to tackle this from another angle - practicality.

Let's assume for the sake of this post that the people making these arguments are correct and that there are some things which shouldn't be allowed on AO3 (or an an alternative fic platform set up to be a better version of AO3 without all the bad stuff - I'll mostly be taking about "fixing" AO3 in this post but the same problems would apply to setting up a new and "safer" fic site). There are a lot of arguments against censorship to do with quality of works produced and whether this results is less good art when people are scared to produce things that might get banned, or whether there is artistic merit to works that display despicable actions. Let's just imagine for the moment that the whole argument is settled and the "let's purify AO3 for the sake of the children" crowd are correct. What would need to happen next? This isn't something I've seen addressed in these posts.

There are a lot of problems with censorship. Skipping over the ethical discussion of whether censorship is good or bad and in what circumstances it should be accepted, let's focus on two practical aspects: deciding what should and shouldn't be banned, and how you would implement such a ban. Let's start with problem one: where do you draw the line?

Let's assume we have some scale of rating from absolutely sickeningly awful deserving of destruction to perfectly clean and innocent with not the slightest thing wrong with it. Somewhere between these two endpoints is a line and everything to one side of it is bad and should be banned/blocked/deleted from AO3, etc. Everything on the other side of the line is fine and should be left available for people to read. Some things may seem easy to define. Fic A is incest porn, where a child is graphically raped in a way that's cleanly meant to titillate rather than horrify and the abuse is glorified and justified in text, and it's full of poor writing, spelling and grammar mistakes, and has no artistic merit as a work (how you judge artistic merit would need a few thousand words to explore as a subject on its own right). Let's stick that on the bad side of the line since that's the sort of thing that people on Tumblr are crying out to be banned. Fic B is a fluff fic where a character makes another character soup because they're feeling ill and they watch movies together. Nothing remotely sexual, just two adult characters being sweet to each other. So we'll put that on the good side of the line, right?

But the problem comes in deciding where that dividing line should be and what should be done about the things that sit close to the line. You could come up with some simple rules. Let's say, "Everything involving underage incest is on the bad side of the line." Seems straight-forward. But what if you have a story dealing with someone's recovery from incest and CSA? The story has a character who was abused in the past and the narrative deals with them getting therapy and overcoming their trauma. None of the abuse is shown in the text of the story, it all happens off-screen as it were, and the story sends a message that incest and CSA are bad but offers hope to former victims. Surely that story would belong on the good side of the line? So maybe we amend the rule to, "Everything involving graphic incest is on the bad side of the line." That would let us keep the story about overcoming the trauma on the good side but block anything that uses incest as porn. But is consenting incest between grown adults treated the same as abusive incest?

And what if you get a story that's more about the trauma but that has a handful of flashbacks about the rape that would count as graphic. These flashbacks are meant to be horrifying not sexually exciting. Would that be okay? Is it the intent of the scene that matters? But in that case, what happens if the author writes a scene that's intended to be horrifying but a reader interprets it as arousing? Would it be okay if the author includes a disclaimer in the notes saying that this is a terrible thing and shouldn't be done in real life? Is it the intensity of the scenes shown directly in the story? In which case, where do you draw the line between something described explicitly and something merely eluded to? Is it the precise terms used? Which terms? Or how many times those terms are use? Is a subtle allusion to an event okay? In which case, what happens with a slightly less subtle allusion?

The stories that are far away from the line are easy to place, but the ones close to it become a challenge. Any attempt to define straight-forward rules starts to fall apart quickly and you get to the point where you have to argue on a case-by-case basis for each story, which would involve a massive amount of time invested to check each of these stories and decide whether or not they're allowed. Once again the practicalities of "how would you enforce something like this?" rear their ugly head but that's a question we'll address later.

We also have the problem that where I might draw the line between the bad and the good might be different from where you would draw the line, and would be different from where someone else would draw the line. Let's go back to Fic B as described above, our perfectly innocent fluff story. I might think that's perfectly acceptable, but if those two characters are both the same gender, there will be some homophobic people who will say that it's wrong and corrupting innocents because it sends the message that homosexual relationships are good. Or even if the characters are different genders, some highly religious people might think it sends a bad message if those characters are unmarried and living together in a relationship, even if nothing explicit happens within the story. Or what if the characters are married but it's an interracial marriage? A KKK member might say that sends a bad message. Different people have a different idea of what counts as bad content.

In the real world, there have been cases of books that address racism being banned because they use the n word. Harry Potter has been banned by religious groups. According to the website www.banned-books.org.uk a sweet children's book about two penguins hatching an egg was banned by a lot of schools and libraries in the US because the two penguins are both male - even though this story was actually based on a true story. The book Black Beauty, about the experiences of a horse, was banned during the Apartheid in South Africa simply for including the word "black" in the title. If you look at that site, a lot of books have been banned for a lot of different reasons and a lot of good literature has ended up caught up in the censorship usually because religious groups objected to in on moral grounds.

You could say "don't let the bigots and racists be in charge of the censorship," but historically, when censorship has come into play in the past, the people who tend to end up the worst for it are minorities. LGBTQ+ groups and people of colour tend to get censored more than straight, white men. Stories about their experiences often deal with problematic issues and therefore they get banned. The groups that generally end up making decisions about what is and isn't okay tend to be the groups that have the most power to begin with, and the end result is silencing of minority voices. This is one reason I'm very wary of anything to do with censorship, because the people who usually end up the worse for it are those who most need their voices heard.

But let's imagine all of these problems are magically overcome and we come up with a perfectly clear set of rules about what counts as good and bad fic and the dividing line is agreed by good, rational people who aren't remotely bigoted and who are able to define the criteria for what should be banned in a way that will only ever block the harmful stuff.

We still have to deal with the practicalities of enforcement we set aside earlier. We've built our perfect set of rules to define good and bad fics and now we want to put them into practice to ban any of the awful stuff. How would you go about doing it?

We could try and get machine filters to do censorship by looking for keywords and particular tags or using more complex algorithms to judge what a piece of content is about, but this ends up with chaos like Tumblr auto-flagging a lot of perfectly clean content, or YouTube blocking videos that just happened to be by/about LGBTQ+ people. Any software based implementation would struggle because someone talking about a thing as a problem contains the same words as someone glorifying that thing, and machines tend not to be great at picking up tone. You would get a massive amount of errors with things being falsely flagged as bad and things being falsely let through despite breaking the rules.

And people would be sneaky. Someone wanting to include their graphic story wouldn't tag it as for over 18s because tagging something as for over 18s would get it banned, so they would tag it as something else. The terms "lemon" and "lime" used to describe fics by older members of fandoms started from exactly this sort of thing. Websites decided to not allow adult content so people continued to post adult content but they used the citrus scale for tagging it so people would still be able to find it. Which works when people know the terms to look for or avoid, but which doesn't work for people not in the know. Is a "lemon" or a "lime" fic more explicit? Do you know what a fic being tagged as "grapefruit" would mean? By their nature, these tags are coded, which is not great for clarity.

Any sort of system that just blanket bans key words or tags would result in people just not using those keywords and tags but posting the stuff anyway. It would actually make the situation worse because there would still be incest porn and the like, only now it wouldn't be tagged. As it stands on AO3, people use the tagging system very well and people who don't want to see the incest porn can do things like exclude that tag from searches, or just not open fics they see that have the tag. If there were rules in place to not allow anything with that tag, then people would stop using the tag, which would actually mean more people would see incest porn they didn't want to because it would no longer be tagged properly, or it would be tagged using code words which only mean something to the inside group. It would be much harder to avoid the things you don't like.

So let's say we don't let a computer decide what's breaking the rules. Let's say there is a system by which readers can flag a fic as being inappropriate to get it banned. Human beings get to decide, but what's the threshold? Does a thing get banned as soon as someone reports it? Or does it need to be flagged by multiple people to be banned? In which case fics written in tiny fandoms might slip through the cracks because not enough people are reading it to them flag it. This is also open for exploitation. Someone who takes a dislike to a particular person might encourage others to flag their fics as inappropriate, regardless of whether or not they are. Someone might create fake accounts or log in anonymously over proxies to spam a fic with flags.

And even if no one acts maliciously to abuse the system, not everyone will be careful about checking the precise and perfect rules defined to mark the difference between acceptable and unacceptable work. People will flag things incorrectly, based on their own viewpoints of what should or shouldn't be allowed, which we've already said is a problem because everyone will draw the line in different places based on their own beliefs.

So what's the alternative to a community-driven method for managing content? You could have specific people whose job it is to go through content and decide whether it adheres to the rules. Maybe a computer system or community flagging could funnel fics into a review channel where human beings check every one carefully. These people would understand the rules and be certain to always judge fics accurately according to the magically perfect rules defined earlier, which are guaranteed to only ever block bad fics but never block a good fic.

So problem solved, right? We have our perfect rules perfectly implemented.

Except where humans are employed to check whether content is acceptable or not, it involves a large number of people checking through basically the worst content out there. Some social networking sites do this sort of thing now and it can be hugely traumatising for people who do that work. It's not good for them mentally to have to be exposed over and over to the worst content being put up online. There tends to be a high turnover in those jobs because they burn out fast, and that's where people are being paid for this stuff.

A site like AO3 relies on volunteers so it would require a large number of people to volunteer to look at the darkest most gruesome content and decide if it breaks the rules or not. Either you have people who hate those sort of fics doing this out of a sense of duty to maintain the purity of the content, in which case they will probably struggle with having to read a load of stuff they really, really don't enjoy. Or you will have people volunteer because they really like those fics and this is the way for them to read them. And that probably defeats the point of doing this, because it means that the people who would be seeking out those stories anyway would be the ones reading them to see if they break the rules.

There are a lot of problems with censorship, both ethically and practically. Even if you are fully on the side of censorship from a moral standpoint, you have to address the practical concerns if you want to propose an implementation.

As it stands, I think the current system works. There is stuff on AO3 that I would not in a million years want to read, but I don't have to. AO3 is brilliant for its tagging system and I can look at the tags and nope past fics that are full of my personal squicks or that I think endorse something terrible. Readers can exclude tags they want nothing to do with or just not click on ones that include elements you dislike. You can curate your own experience, which actually works with the whole idea of everyone drawing a line in a different place. You and I will have different stories we want to avoid, and we can both choose to avoid them based on author's tagging for them, rather than some other person decreeing what is acceptable for either of us to see.

If you still think that AO3 should be blocking or banning certain content, have a think about how this would work in reality. Because when ideas like that are implemented in the real world, all manner of problems happen.

I think the fact that this post is still a couple of thousand words long with me skipping over several parts of the debate is a sign that this is not a simple problem that can be easily fixed.

[five-wow]

Hi, I'm a fellow writer in the fandom and I admire your work. I wanted to ask, as a popular writer, do you get fixated sometimes on the number of kudos/comments/hits etc that your new work gets, and does this impact your motivation/inspiration? I think comparison is the thief of joy, and I really want to get over this feeling when I post my own work, so was wondering if even popular and regular writers such as yourself feel like this to, and if , what's your secret? Thanks!

Hi! 1) You are so sweet, ahh, and 2) YES, I DO. Gosh, yes, I absolutely do get insecure about those kinds of things, and I think that anyone who says they don't ever feel that way is either lying (to themselves, possibly) or maybe just pure magic, like some cross between a writer and a unicorn.

I love ao3 and I love all of its metrics and I love numbers and statistics, but there’s definitely that shadow side where having all of that easily available makes it deceptively easy to compare your own work to other people’s. I do it all the time! It honestly makes it a little hard for me at times to read h50 fic and fully enjoy it, because I keep... looking at it and wondering how my own stacks up against it, unwillingly. That's not a relaxing experience, and sometimes not even a very fun one. (Another part of it is that I just write SO MUCH for h50 and there is SO MUCH I still want to write, and I don’t want to risk reading something that’s very close to an idea I had and then never being quite sure if what I write after that was influenced by the other person’s work or if it’s really still my idea, because I have this (pretty irrational) fear of accidentally stealing someone else’s work even though one of the really great things about fandom is that it’s a very collaborative process as a whole and being inspired by other people’s stuff is usually totally okay, buuuut that’s a different rambly story.)

And I definitely do also get... some cringey feelings, hardcore, around fics I posted that don't do very well numbers-wise. Sometimes it's expected - fic that doesn't follow traditional formats or doesn't feature Steve/Danny, for example, is always something where I KNOW it won't get as much attention because I know how fandom works and that lessens the sting because it doesn't HAVE to hold up to those other fics that perform way better, because I already know it's not really comparable. The truth is, of course, that most fic is not really comparable to other fic, but it’s easy to fall into that trap anyway. If I post something that seems like my average kind of work and it gets less kudos or comments than usual, I do start to doubt the fic and second-guess myself - is something about this weird? Is it too [insert quality x]? Is it bad? Did I unknowingly do something terrible and people are now avoiding me? The answer to all of those is probably no, and going through it a bunch of times has definitely helped, because what usually happens is that I end up somewhat avoiding the fic in question because it makes me a little ashamed and awkward to think about it (a relative failure! oh no! I'm human!) and then, eventually, I return and reread the fic. By that point I have enough distance from it in time that I can look at it a lot more objectively, and it's way easier to see what works and what does not than when I posted it and I had just read it a dozen times in twenty-four hours and the words were burned into my brain. And upon that reread, inevitably, I realize that, holy shit, it was NOT AS BAD as I had made it out to be in my mind! It’s actually kind of fun! Imagine the ego boost of realizing your most cringy recent work is actually pretty okay, haha, and it's silly, but it's a revelation every time. The quality of a fic is not dictated by how many people read it or comment on it or like it, and intellectually I absolutely know that, but it’s hard to remember when it’s about yourself and you’re still in that emotionally vulnerable place of having just shared your work with the world and it feels like the world is not as into it as you thought (or hoped) it’d be. It’s honestly very, very reassuring to have those experiences to fall back on, but sadly the only way I know to get there is to just tough it out and feel super awkward for a while.

When I’m writing, on the other hand, I usually don’t really think about what other people might think of it. I have the advantage that (pretty much) all of my work consists of fairly short stand alone stories, which means I don’t have to struggle with keeping my motivation up for a second chapter of something but I get to start fresh every time, and that’s nice, because I can just lose myself in the joy of throwing words around and making characters do things that make me giggle. That’s not to say I never think of the outside world while writing - I realized, pretty recently, that I occasionally end up constructing paragraphs or pieces of dialogue a certain way mostly so it will make for a good excerpt to put in the eventual fic description, which might give me a sense of accomplishment because it’s nice when things work out and look good, but in all fairness it’s probably far more motivated by attempts to package the finished work attractively so other people will want to click on it than by anything else. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. I don’t think so - I don’t feel like it lessens my work and it doesn’t interrupt my enjoyment of it in the moment, which are the key elements for me - but other people might disagree.

But the heart of thing is, just, there are SO MANY factors that influence a fic’s numbers, and not all of them are visible (I’d argue most of them aren’t, in fact), and it always helps me to keep that in mind. It puts things in perspective somewhat and softens the harshness of a black and white kudo count judgment. Numbers can depend on when you post a fic (what day of the week, time of the year, time relative to big fandom moments, whether you’re in the middle of a global pandemic or not), how you pick your title, what you put in the description, how you use the tags, what genres or tropes are popular in your specific fandom, the genre of your fic in general (pwp as a rule tends to get lots of hits and few kudos or comments, for example, making it totally unfair to compare it to G-reated fluff fic with super different ratios), how much you’ve posted before (because if someone likes one of your works, they’re often likely to check if you have more in the same fandom), how many fics other people post around the same time (because yours might be gone from the first page of most recently updated works in a fandom or ship tag very quickly if others push it out), how big your fandom is(!!!) (over two thirds of my works on ao3 are for h50, but h50 only makes it into the top 10 of my most kudo’d works by the skin of its teeth) and definitely also what your fandom’s culture is like (compared to a lot of other fandoms, h50 fans are a-ma-zing when it comes to leaving comments, my gosh, and as a writer I adore all of you), how old your ao3 account is (the longer you’ve been around, the more likely a higher number of people is subscribed to you as an author or has read your previous work or has encountered your name, etc), how long your fic is (under a thousand words in my experience generally does less well than 1-5k, but longer fics might end up with lots of chapters which switches things up because people come back to it when there’s an update, and even if a long work is all in one chapter it will probably stand out for the wordcount and might attract attention that way, etc), whether or not your fic is part of a series (in my experience it will probably get more hits because it’s a chain of fics that leads you to the next one, but the kudos might not go up at the same rate because people might forget a kudo or reread previous works when a new one is added), whether you make a habit of commenting on other people’s fic (I’ve had comments saying MY comment on their work led them to my fic!), if you have social media like Tumblr or Twitter where you can promote your work (it’s advertising, basically), and any of a bunch of random little other factors. Sometimes, I see a sudden little cluster of kudos on an old fic in the daily ao3 kudos email, and I assume someone somewhere maybe recced that fic, but it usually remains a total mystery who or where or even if it happened at all and wasn’t just a weird coincidence to begin with. Sometimes the thing a fic’s popularity depends on is really just whether it clicks with people at that point in time, whatever that means, which is an even more impossible thing to grasp or predict than anything else.

Or you can look at things from a totally different angle and not try to make yourself care less about numbers, but just accept that you do because you’re human and we all crave validation, and instead try to roll with that. A brain hack: when I do start getting down about numbers, it also helps me to focus on one work and just... try to visualise what those kudo (or hit or bookmark or comment) counts mean, if you were to translate them to the real world. While it can be super helpful to remember that there’s a LOT going on that you can’t see and that’s virtually impossible to really explain, it’s also nice to somewhat do the opposite and try to make things as concrete as possible instead. I like measuring in school classes (~25-30 heads, I’d say) and “my fic only has fifty kudos but this other person’s has ten times as many” could easily make anyone sad and demotivated, but “my fic has fifty kudos and that’s TWO WHOLE CLASSROOMS packed full of people that all read my work and liked it so much they wanted to give me a little thumbs up for it” is actually pretty cool and encouraging, I think. Or you could measure in sports teams (I don’t know sports, but soccer has 11 players on the field per team, so as soon as your fic has 33 kudos that’s three teams which means you’ve got yourself a little beginning league! how exciting!) or in DnD campaigns (variable of course, but most of mine have had around four players plus a DM, so if you have twenty kudos? that’s FOUR WHOLE DnD campaigns that enjoyed reading your fic, and it’s fully up to you how many half-orcs that includes). You could apply this method using literally any other measurement that works for you, too. If you have a hard time painting a mental image of numbers, you could even open up a Paint doc or get a piece of paper and start counting out little dots or copy-pasted images of a person, or get a big bag of physically present M&Ms and count them out, or take a good look at your dog and then go around the neighborhood and collect forty-nine more dogs and pile them all into your home and be slightly frightened by the utter delighted fluffy chaos that ensues in your living room. That’s how many people liked your fic! That’s a heck of a lot of wagging tails! Who knew a kudo could bark this loudly!

Disclaimer: maybe keep the dog thing as your very last resort, because your neighbors might not be super into their pet getting dognapped for the purpose of visualizing fanfiction stats. The point is really just to remember that there’s an actual person behind every kudo you get, no matter what the cumulative number is, and even if you have seven or five or three kudos, that’s seven or five or three very real people that hit that button. That’s pretty damn awesome. Also keep in mind how you feel if you read a fic, and take some time to realize that every single person that left you a kudo went through that same process of spending time reading words (the words you wrote!) and experiencing that story and THAT’S why they left that kudo. It’s a real person’s real investment.

This ended up very long and rambly, so tl;dr: You are in no way alone in feeling that way, it's okay and normal and so very very human to feel like that, but you still shouldn't let it get you down, because numbers fake being meaningful very well but are deep down just little squiggles on your screen and they’re more scared of you than you are of them, while at the same time there are real individuals that enjoy your work even if you usually never see them. Your fic is worth posting. That’s the one factor in all of this that’s a constant, not a variable.

(And as a very important sidenote, just be kind to yourself, always. Does it truly stress you out? Are you feeling really bad about it today? Does it make your anxiety spike? Then give yourself room to take a little step back and allow yourself some time away from it. Go watch something you enjoy, or read something nice, or do something else that makes you feel good. Fic is something that should add to your life, not subtract from it. You don’t owe anyone anything, not even yourself in this context, and I used to push myself occasionally to get something finished TODAY, and eventually I started realizing, well, why? Why not instead of reading it over again just get some sleep or watch an episode of something I want to watch, especially if I literally just finished the fic and I feel a little unsure about it and it might actually be beneficial to me and my own feelings about it if I just give it a day or even a week and let it rest and then look at it again and THEN post it, if I want to, whether that’s with some changes beforehand or not? Who set me that deadline that’s apparently looming over me? I did, and it’s fake, and it’s there for absolutely no good reason. Breathe. Put yourself first. Be really really really selfish about your own fic writing experience, even, because it’s supposed to be something you enjoy (that’s what a hobby is!), and the rest is secondary.)