#so far I only have a charm and sticker it's not enough

[meganegatari]

before you read ▪︎ loose continuation to THIS

ultra loser!ellie x teasing(slightly sadistic tbh)!reader. reads fine as a standalone!! no fr sex, but still nsfw!!! loads of teasing, ellie's shy and flustered (also gave her glasses and piercings muahahah AND HAPPY TRAIL MENTION YAYYY), reader's a little insistent (but it's ok), mentions of masturbation, discussion of sex, REALLY horny making out at the end lol, heavy petting, they almost do it, tiny abby cameo, buildup AS PER USUAL YALL KNOW THE DRILL, kinda cliffhanger ending (its on purpose HAHA), different layout bc i cheated n looked at the poll oops...NGL TS HAD ME SWEATINGGG WRITING IT LMFAO don't think i have ever written something more horny....ok enjoy! + 2.2k wc

apparently both of you missed the professor's class cancellation email on this fateful day… other students showed up too, but they left quickly after seeing it was empty. ellie stayed to catch up on some work, enjoying the silence and typing away on her laptop, which looked like one of those beefy gaming computers.

covered in stickers and the keys changing color, you thought it was interesting she'd lug that thing around campus with her, instead of opting for something light and sleek. and now that leaves you. you had no other plans for the day, and had already mentally prepared yourself for this class, totally unaware it was canceled.

you realized it wasn't a bad idea to copy ellie, and catch up on some of your own work. however you were more intrigued by her, to be totally honest with yourself.

watching her from a distance, she captivated you. she never seemed to notice your stares, too absorbed in her thoughts. you watched her type, efficiently and quickly, pausing only to push her glasses further up her nose with her slim fingers.

the truth is, she's hot. but no one was hearing you out on that, unfortunately. they'd say to you, “what a loser! i don't think i've ever heard her talk.”

you felt overwhelmed by the urge to strike up a real conversation with her—more that simple greetings or coursework questions— and it was the perfect opportunity to do just that. so you got up, sat yourself down in the empty spot right next to her, and put on the most charming grin you could muster up. she abruptly snapped out of her focus, almost flinching at your presence.

“hey! you're ellie, right? whatcha working on?” you got close to her to see, being met with a bunch of hieroglyphic-looking strings of symbols on the screen. woah, smarty-pants. “um, it's just…some project, i dunno. how d’you know my name?”

she finally looked at you, her eyes round, wider than the ufo saucer stickers on the back of her computer. they were so green, the hazel ring reminded you of a polished agate stone. the scattered freckles on her face were so pretty too, you'd never been close enough to her to really take notice. she nervously scanned your features, blotches of pink blush decorating the apples of her plump cheeks.

she was so cute, and noticing her evident shyness flipped a switch inside you, what if you messed with her a little?

you shrugged at her, “just seen you around. you're so mysterious.” you lilt, manipulating your tone to make it smoother on the ears, even containing hints of seduction if you dared.

she blushed a deeper raspberry shade and looked down at her hands, fidgeting with her rings. she was somehow getting more attractive by the second, your heart felt like it was about to burst.

“am i? never thought of it that way, you're funny.” she mumbles, her antsiness obvious. but you didn't wish to let up so soon, you were having a lot more fun flustering her than you'd ever care to admit, even wanting to see just how far you could push her.

“ooh, i love your rings. where did you get em?” “just…places. why are you asking me so many questions?” you sighed and rolled your eyes, “well, ellie. we both don't have anything else to do, gotta pass the time somehow. i wanna talk with you, is that okay?” she took a deep breath and nodded, visibly relaxing. she stretched out her arm to get rid of the tabs on her computer, close it, and put it in her bag, which is when you got a look at her forearm tattoo.

“also i'm obsessed with your tattoo, you have no idea how cool you are, how are girls not all over you?” you question, taking her wrist in your hands and examining the tattoo's intricate line work, tracing your fingertips over the pigment in her skin.

you heard her breathing change in tempo, quickening ever so slightly. but she didn't move her arm away, and let you continue. she took a second to respond. “um. thanks, i guess. i don't really know what you mean.” her voice cracked when she said the last part, igniting a flame inside you, one that you didn't know existed.

your mind wandered, you began wondering what she sounds like when she whimpers. was she really so starved of human contact you could mold her like putty, just with your fingers and tongue? you wanted to find out so badly, wanted to hear how she'd cry your name out if you fucked her into oblivion. was she a squirter or a creamer? you hoped to the heavens above you'd get to find out someday. maybe it was too much to fantasize like this, considering you formally met just now, but you weren't hurting anyone if it all never left the confines of your mind.

you were lucky you hid your own arousal well, nothing out of the ordinary showed on your face whatsoever. ellie wasn't so lucky—to her dismay, but to your delight—everything played out on her delicate features so clearly, it was nothing short of delectable. 

your eyes bore into hers, the intensity of the eye contact making her shiver, and attempt to break it. “ellie, ellie, ellie, may i call you els?” you didn't wait for an answer, and continued, “do you have a girlfriend?” you pouted your lips at her, feigning sadness as if her response was something you didn't already infer.

she was stuttering now, stumbling over her words, making less and less sense as the conversation went on. she was anxiously bouncing her leg, you could see her chest rising and falling, and her face had turned a lovely crimson color, it was so strong, the flush had spread down her neck and reached her ears, making her piercings stand out. good lord. 

“ahem- no, i don't have a girlfriend. actually never have, shocking i know.” she chuckles at her self-deprecating joke, and while her smile was enough to light up a room, you wanted to slap the doubt out of her. or rather, fuck it out of her. 

you exhaled loudly, “hahh, well isn't that a shame. you're so pretty, i'll just have to snatch you up for myself then.” she swallowed audibly, greatly taken aback. “sorry, what?” “oh, don't you know how much people love losers like you? tsk tsk tsk, you're so much hotter than you realize, i mean it, els. look at you! you've got these piercings, this tattoo, you're smarter than this whole class combined, seriously.” 

she just gaped at you, unable to process what she was hearing. no one had ever talked to her like this, it was only something she read about. and coming from you? this ethereal person who starred in all of her most intimate fantasies? she rubbed her eyes roughly, convinced she was hallucinating. her mouth opened and closed dumbly, her voice box failing to produce any sound. but you were affecting her so much, especially because she lusted after you to an extent she could only take to the grave.

flashes of her midnight escapades flickered in her mind, of her shoving her hand down her pants like an animal in heat, orgasming so intensely she'd black out, abusing her hole with nothing but images of you playing in her mind, and your name on her tongue. her cheeks burned with the embarrassment of her wild actions, and she shook her head to clear the thoughts away. 

you groaned and leaned back in your own seat, exclaiming, “god i'm so bored. and pent up, fuck. it's been so long since i had sex…” that was true. in any other situation you'd never say something like that aloud, but because you were alone with the clueless idiot you wanted so carnally, you let it slip. 

“...maybe you should take care of that.” you heard her cough out, her voice coming out strangled. “i could. but that's boring.” you opened your eyes again and smirked devilishly her way, poor girl looked like she was about to go on a trip with the ferryman. 

you grabbed her hand, examining it some more, commenting, “you play guitar, don't you? guitarists are very good with their hands, i will say.” you played with her hand, pressing it into a fist, then extending her middle and ring finger. gosh, what's gotten into you? “i bet you're sooo good.” 

you've never seen a person look more flustered than she did right now in this moment. her voice was impossibly quiet, barely above a whisper, “cut it out.” “okay, fine.”

some beats of silence passed, but a thought crossed your mind. if she really hated this interaction that much, she could have got up and left eons ago, yet she stayed here and endured it all. hmm. you blurted out, “els, have you kissed anyone before?” 

and again she stayed silent, even after you waited patiently for an answer. she kept looking away, her jaw tense. 

you decided to quit the teasing just for a moment, and speak to her gently, genuinely. you shifted to sit a little closer to her and asked, “do you want to?” her gaze locked onto your mouth, she licked her lips, then muttered, “if you're really offering and not just fucking with me, sure-” 

your patience broke and you didn't wait for her to finish her sentence before swiftly leaning forward and connecting your lips with hers, relishing the tiny gasp she made as soon as you did it. she tasted like a dream.

after a split second she kissed you back, it was inexperienced and clumsy, fueled by adrenaline, but she got into a rhythm soon enough. you took the lead and deepened the kiss, absent-mindedly tugging on her bottom lip with your teeth, coaxing eager whimpers out of her, pure music to your ears.

you succumbed to the sensations and increased the pace, your tongue dancing against hers. you felt her hands fumble by your waist, and she pulled you closer to her. your hands clawed at her chest, the beautiful symphony of panting, the wet smacking of your lips colliding, and her uncontrolled moans filled the empty room.

she gripped your waist so tightly, fingertips surely leaving small marks in their wake, you couldn't wait to find them later, and you shamelessly felt up her chest, your thumbs finding her nipples—perky, hard, and poking out through her thin shirt. you caressed and rubbed and squeezed, feeling her jolt under your magical touch.

she was fully whining now. spilling needy, high-pitched sounds, this was better than you could've ever imagined. neither one of you breaking the kiss for even a second, your hand trailed lower and landed on her stomach, slipping under the bottom of her shirt. you felt her defined abs tensing, and the whisper of a happy trail—now it was your turn to moan.

she got even louder and her kisses got sloppier, and you were about to venture inside her waistband before a sudden sound startled you both. 

your phone vibrated aggressively, and with great effort you separated yourself from ellie, long strings of spit connecting you to her still.

she whimpered from the loss of contact, chasing your lips, then huffing and quietly groaning while you took out your phone, her hands not letting go of your waist. when you checked it, it was a message from your friend, abby, just saying: URGENT. COME HERE NOW. ASAP.

fuck her. fuck her and her timing, was all you could think. really, now? you wanted to kill her.

trying to slow your breathing and racing heart, you explained apologetically, “ugh, it's urgent. im so, so sorry ellie, i gotta go.” she stared at you, speechless, but nodded meekly, reluctantly retracting her arms. you didn't want to leave, and stayed gazing at her for a little longer, and brushed a loose strand of soft hair out of her face. what a cutie, she looked all disheveled and dazed. you were about to look for a paper to scribble down your number to keep in touch, until your phone buzzed again, and started ringing with abby's repeated attempts to get ahold of you. couldn't she wait a minute?

you gave ellie one last devastated look, getting up and rushing out of the classroom before abby called you another seventeen times. 

ellie was left in the classroom, reeling from the encounter and what it had turned into. she was utterly bewildered at the events that transpired, her blood rushing in her ears, mind spinning, lips still puffy, glasses fogged over, hands trembling, and of course a sticky, uncomfortable damp spot in her boxers. she leaned forward to rest her head on the desk in front of her on top of crossed arms, to take a moment to cool down before escaping back to her place. 

“holy shit.” 

im horny🧍‍♂️just like ellie after that. as soon as she got home, u best believe she came so hard she saw literal angels and deities LMFAOO (this is my favorite thing ive ever written gawdDAYUM)

yall who wanted more, hope this suffices as a continuation! @stonerzdaze420692 @womenlvrrr

[kitkat13001]

⋆⟡ ݁⚡︎ ₊ . 𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 

⤷ denki kaminari x reader

⤷ friends to lovers, mutual pining, coming-of-age vibes, inspired by the song “ultimately” by khai dreams

ultimately  i don't understand a thing i try to do the best i can i know you try to do the same

denki kaminari was never the smart one. he liked to joke around a lot but the truth underneath his charming smile was that he was terrified of failure. he was afraid that people didn’t see him as anything other than the dumb but funny kid in their class. just a yellow sticky note with a joke written on it, here to be laughed at and gone with a mild breeze. 

we’re just so bound to make mistakes you could call it a disposition i apologize for all your tears i wish i could be different

you were never the fortunate one. things just didn’t work out for you the way they did for other people. you could blame it on a lot of things, but you sometimes think that it boils down to the fact that some things weren’t meant to be. maybe you were one of them. maybe you never would be. 

but i’m still growing up into the one you can call your love i don't know if i’ll ever be enough i’m throwing in my chips i guess i tend to push my luck

high school always feels like it’ll last forever but one day you’re waking up and suddenly it’s all over. and the graduation ceremony is beautiful and everyone cries and then the tears stop when yaomomo announces the party at her house and mina announces the after-party at her house. it’s so strange that after the fun dies down you all realize this is the last time that all of you will be here, under one roof, all together. and it’s sad, of course, but also some strange kind of beautiful. that you’re all going to different places and becoming different people. 

and ultimately i believe we'll be okay it’s so cliché to say these things but repetition is a key

many promises are made the night of graduation. the usuals, to keep in touch and call every day and send pictures and meet up for the occasional hero team-up. but denki’s eyes have been fixed to you the entire night, and he’s got a promise for you too. of all the people in this room, you’re the one he doesn’t want to lose the most. so when the party is over, he swallows his pride and walks over to your dorm room on your very last night at u.a., trying not to stutter and not to trip over his own feet. you welcome him like you always do, and you spend a long time laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling as though you’re stargazing. the only stars are the glow-in-the-dark stickers still attached to the ceiling, though, but they’re enough to give denki hope. 

i think i’m better when i’m with you but i worry when you're gone i think i need to learn to love myself i must learn to be strong

“america is a long way from japan, huh?”

you blink, as if you’re hearing about it for the first time. “i guess so. it didn’t really occur to me until now, i guess.”

“i don’t know how i’m gonna spend my nights without our 1 am study sessions.” denki means it as a joke but he’s entirely serious. his life is going to feel so empty, he thinks, without you in it. 

“maybe you could try sleeping,” you giggle to yourself. 

denki snorts. “nah. i think maybe i’ll still stay up, but on facetime with you. it’ll be daytime there.”

“it’s crazy. i never thought i’d end up so far.”

“you could always come work in tokyo with me,” denki suggests, a not-very-sly wink following suit. 

you laugh. “as much fun as that would be, i think it’s time for me to be somewhere new. i can learn a lot in the u.s.”

he sighs a little. “i know.” he’s silent for a second before he asks the question that’s been weighing on him ever since you announced your departure for america. “do you think you’ll come back? after your sidekick residency, i mean.”

you think on it long enough to get denki’s heart racing with panic. “i don’t know. maybe. i guess we’ll wait and see, huh?” and then you smile and denki really wishes he could feel okay. 

so, for now we'll say goodbye although it pains me in my heart your words they come to me in memories they sing to me like songs

denki cries when he walks you up to the terminal. you cry when denki cries. you sit, a puddle of tears, embracing each other in the middle of the crowded airport as onlookers swarm to get around the commotion to their flights. 

he cries for several nights after you leave, and you cry in your hotel room while you scroll through your old pictures. 

but like anything else, you get used to the absence. the silence. 

it won't be long until i’m here soon i’ll make my arrival under shady trees, a quiet street the roads that i have traveled

tokyo is as lively as you remember it, you think as you watch the busy streets and bustling people and colorful scenery from your spot sitting in the patio of a corner café. you drum your fingers on your cup anxiously. you don’t know why you’re suddenly so nervous, but the idea of seeing denki after all these years makes your heart race.

what if you look different to him? what if he can’t recognize you? what if you can’t recognize him? what if-

you whip around when you hear a familiar nickname of yours called in an even more familiar voice. 

a scream promptly erupts from a young blond man’s lips as he makes a beeline for you. 

a giant smile appears on your face and you begin to scream as well, running for him. 

“denki!”

you collide in the middle of the outdoor seating area, clinging on to each other with a surprising grip. 

denki pulls away and his grin is so wide. 

“you’re taller! and you’ve got a new hairstyle!” he exclaims, eyes roaming over you as he takes in your changed appearance. you look different, for sure, but you look like you. 

you shriek out loud, eyes landing on the metal hoops through denki’s ears. 

“you pierced your ears?!” you demand, bending his head awkwardly to better look at the decorations. 

denki laughs. “i tried to tell you!”

“i thought you were joking! and your bangs, look at you…” your hands remain steady on his cheeks and you get a good look at him, squinting dramatically. you beam at him after a minute of scrutiny. “you look good, denks.”

if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was blushing. “thanks. you look good, too…you always look good.”

ultimately it's a beautiful thing like flowers blooming in a lonely field the petals drift through crossing winds

there’s a very brief moment as you hold him, his hands on your forearms, eyes interlocked and bated breath, where everything feels like you never left. like you’ve been here with him the whole time and there’s never been anything but you and denki kaminari forever. 

it’s that ephemeral moment of beauty that lets you lean in and kiss him, like you both should’ve done so many years ago. 

and it’s everything you ever dreamed. his lips are soft, his hands are warm, and his bangs are tickling your nose. and it’s so perfect you can’t believe it took you this long to do it. 

that find their way to river streams that scent the water beautifully it takes me back to you it takes me back to you

you laugh breathlessly when you pull away after a very long moment. denki just stares at you in awe, dopey grin plastered on his face. 

“god, we should’ve done that forever ago,” he admits, bashful and pink-cheeked. 

“yeah, probably,” you agree, slinging his arm over you shoulder as you tug him along. he moves with you like a magnet, and it feels right to have him by your side again. 

“guess we’ll have to make up for lost time.”

“i guess we will.”

icons from pinterest, not mine ; divider by @/saradika-graphics — i actually really like how this one turned out. i wrote the premise years ago and it finally hit me tonight to finish it. denki holds a very special place in my heart.

[8thekat]

Heya! Just wanted to say I absolutely ADORE your comic series and your art style! I have never been a fan of an Artist before but that soon changed when I seen your comics. Out of all the Undertale comics out there yours is my favorite and the one I’ve viewed many times over and over again. I’ve fallen completely in love with the story, characters charm, and the overall comic. Please keep up the hard work! Your comics make my depression go away ❤️

PS:(I will be buying all of your sticker packs when I get enough money to spare! Hopefully even a hoodie.)

question: How far do you plan to go with the comic? Will you keep producing comics over a long time?

🥺😭😭😭 tysm s;dhasdds. it really means a lot to me knowing how much the series means to others. I never anticipated people would love it so much ❤️🤍❤️🤍

And the merch aaaaaa

As for how far I plan on going, I plan on seeing it through to the end TvT I have the entire story already planned out. The hard part is just pacing myself so I don't get burnt out since I'm just doing it all on my own. So I try to take plenty of breaks and do other stuff to keep myself motivated.

I have no idea how long it will take me to finish the series, though. If I were to guess, I'd ballpark maybe at least a few years minimum - accounting for breaks and such. I'd say right now we're about 1/3rd of the way through the story...maybe? I have all the major plot points planned, but I kinda figure out everything in between as I go so...sometimes it's hard to say. Volume 3 only just began, and I have at least 5 Volumes planned. So we shall see 😊

[fcble]

Wikipedia, 자수성가 (自手成家)

자수성가 (自手成家) (Ja Su Seong Ga) is the fourth (officially fifth) studio album by South Korean boy group Fable. It was released on February 20, 2025 by Zenith Entertainment. Its lead single, "별주부전" represents the group’s first foray into traditional Korean folk music.

자수성가 (自手成家) liner notes

1. 해야 / Lyrics by Park Intak, Yoon Mingeun. Composed by Park Intak. 2. 신의 고향 / Lyrics by Park Intak, Kang Haksu. Composed by Park Intak. 3. 별주부전 (Title) / Lyrics by Park Intak, Kang Haksu. Composed by Park Intak. 4. 이젠 날 바라봐 / Lyrics by Park Intak, Atlas Son, Yoon Mingeun. Composed by Park Intak, Atlas Son. 5. 쉽다 / Lyrics by Park Intak, Atlas Son. Composed by Park Intak, Atlas Son. 6. 여섯 / Lyrics by Park Intak, Atlas Son, Yoon Mingeun. Composed by Park Intak, Atlas Son. 7. 놀자 / Lyrics by Park Intak. Composed by Park Intak. 8. 매일 매일 매일 / Lyrics by Park Intak. Composed by Park Intak. 9. 밤바다 / Lyrics by Kang Haksu, Park Intak. Composed by Park Intak.

@haksubak on Twitter

all fable music show wins 가자 (2020) 🏆 꽃처럼 (2020) 🏆🏆 그리운 밤 (2023) 🏆 platonic love (2024) 🏆🏆 찐이야 (2024) 🏆 별주부전 (2025) 🏆🏆🏆

YouTube, why is it so hard to cancel kpop boy groups?

The saying “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” seems to hold true in the case of Fable. Despite a small handful of scandals that would have ended the careers of smaller boy groups or just about any girl group, Fable has come back with one of their most commercially successful albums to date. The slight dip in their sales wasn’t reflected by their music show wins, or their increased music video views, or the number of endorsements Haksu appeared in, or anything else at all. For a group who built their career on the idea of Korea, a chinilpa scandal should have been the final dozen or so nails in the coffin. For whatever reason, it wasn’t.

@kcdjification on Twitter

this isn’t just the old fable this is ancient fable

Vice, Fable’s Comeback is a Stunning Display of Perseverance

After covering the controversy surrounding Fable’s Byeonghwi, I had the pleasure of attending the comeback showcase of his group’s latest album. True to their word, they were perfectly on time with their only slightly postponed release date of February 20. Going into the showcase, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would Fabulists continue to stand behind them? Or would the sentiments I saw online be reflected in real life? I got my answer far earlier than I expected to. The audience was full of dedicated fans, many with Fable’s lightstick: a tiger figurine set atop a taeguk under a clear plastic dome. Upon my arrival, I bought one of my own, along with a convenient wrist strap to carry it and a keychain charm of a persimmon with the album’s name inscribed on the bottom: a piece of the night’s exclusive merchandise.  As the minutes ticked closer to the beginning of the showcase, the crowd’s excitement became more and more palpable. All it took was the lights dimming for the cheering to start—Fable had yet to step on stage. The anticipation built for a few more minutes, and then it was time. The silhouettes of the current five active Fable members, dressed in custom outfits courtesy of modern hanbok brand Shinbok, were enough for the crowd to reach a fever pitch. Even in my desire to remain objective, I couldn’t help but get caught up in the crowd’s energy. One thing was clear: it would take more than this scandal to bring Fable down. 

@.atlas.son via Instagram Live

“Intak-hyung said I can play the demos for the Fable songs I wrote. Sajangnim said I shouldn’t do that, not that I couldn’t do that.” Atlas grins lopsidely at the camera. He sits in a poorly lit room, the barest shadows of a guitar and a drumset behind him. “Don’t tell him, ‘kay?” He lifts his laptop, a silver Macbook covered in stickers, into full view of the camera. “I was surprised that I was asked to do this. I mean, I only debuted”—he counts on his fingers, pointer, middle, ring, pinky—”four months ago. Intak-hyung wrote my debut song. There’s no way I’m on his level yet.”  He pauses, gaze flicking between his laptop and the camera. “You’re not allowed to ask me what my favorite song is. But I would have kept ‘쉽다’ for TMT if I could.”

Billboard, Fable’s Andrew and Mingeun on Their Latest Album, Byeonghwi, and More

“This was our first time writing traditional folk music, although we’ve been preparing for a while,” Mingeun recalls. “It was like learning to sing all over again.” He speaks in an easy, self-assured manner, taking small sips of his whipped cream-topped coffee between sentences. “It was probably Intak-hyung’s first time writing folk music too. It’s hard to tell with him sometimes.” I take the opportunity he’s offered me and ask Andrew my next question. “You’ve written most of Fable’s music. Is there any reason why you didn’t work on this album?” I catch his pleasant expression freeze for a second before a more professional facade slams down. “I wouldn’t say I’ve written most of Fable’s music. That’s only true if you started counting recently,” he says. “Intak wrote the majority of our music for years before that. I’m not sure why him writing this album is a surprise to anyone.” I sense there’s more to this conversation that no one wants to tell me, and I move past the fact that he didn’t answer the question.

[gunkbaby]

All Of The New 10th Anniversary Expo’s Shuu Merch/Merch Appearances I Guess

I’ll be honest chat, I am not a happy bunny abt most of this, but i love my beautiful princess no matter what and besides, what is my life without documenting Shuu Tsukiyama merch?

(This is all the merch from the TG expo - not including the merch released beforehand, which I have covered in other posts. Some of the merch was similar so I grouped a few of them)

Holographic Sticker/Acrylic Stand

Not enough Shuu stickers out there, I think. Whilst this illustration is not my favourite, I am glad to have another Shuu Sticker for my scrapbook.

Metallic Keychain/Postcard

(He’s top left for the postcard.)

Can Badge

Badge is 57mm - I only note this bc it’s quite a Large size! I’d put this on a tote bag or in my Ita if I weren’t paranoid about it falling off

Scene Badge

3rd image is the :re scene badge. 2nd image is just how the badges stand (?) for reference.

Famous Quote Magnet

I can’t find the exact translation but it’s roughly the ‘I want to feast upon sweet Kaneki, whilst he feasts upon her!’ quote.

Postcard Book

Shuu Appears four times in the postcards shown thus far - i am unsure as to whether there is more to come. I don’t think so, but idk.

This merch feels notable as it is also the only Kanae appearance so far in any of the merch drops. Unsurprising but it still dampened my bonfire a bit - i was hoping for a crumb of new Kanae merch.

Clear card

Mini Sticker

Another sticker - yay for my Shuu scrapbook!

Leather Charm

Shuu Wine Opener

This is the only piece of merch solely dedicated to Shuu from the expo so far. The piece of art used here could be new, but it appears similar to a different piece of art I have seen for him before, so I’m not sure exactly. I will need to compare.

If I am honest, I find the wine opener a bit lacklustre disappointing. It’s not colourful, which I’m aware is a personal gripe but like. Idk it looks like this thing is hot off the 3D printer. It’s a such a cute idea to have his kagune be the corkscrew itself - like that’s hella cool, i rly rly enjoy that idea, drillyama my beloved - but idk. It just doesn’t look quite right?

Also, just to indulge myself in a little vent: I have huge personal beef with this wine opener bc i was on the edge of my seat, waiting for the Shuu merch and the one thing we get is a fucking wine opener? It feels like an attack on me personally. (For context: I am a recovered alcoholic.)

But anyway. The rest of the merch is okay, I suppose. I’ll never turn down new Shuu merch, but I didn’t really like the new illustration of him, and it’s on a lot of this new merch. The new chibi illustration of him is cute, and I do prefer it, but idk. I’m feeling quite meh about the whole thing.

Regardless, I’ll still be buying whatever I can, because I’m a sad little freak who’s only purpose in life is to think about this fictional man, but let it be known; my credit card will be used begrudgingly with contempt for the people behind the TG anime expo merch.

[fulgurbugs]

another doll post… this is the one i’ve been talking about

today i managed to remember to bring my wallet to the walmart, so i decided to go ahead and grab one of the decora girls

my walmart only had these two, celestia and decora. i decided to pick up decora because she’s the poster girl. also, rainbows.

here’s her in her box, as well as the box art on the back. i wish i could’ve seen luna and sweetie in person. don’t know why every walmart ive seen have them only has decora and celestia.

unboxed! i have to say, u do like her much better out of her box. the hair feels like nylon, to me and not poly, which i was thinking it might be.

here’s what she comes with. one doll, three hairclips, two sticker sheets, a doll comb, and a stand. i was pleasantly surprised to see that she comes with a stand! she is not capable of standing up herself whatsoever, and even with the stand you have to balance her a little. i also was not able to get her hairclips to stay on her bangs, as they are very loose and her bangs do not have enough hair for them to sit nicely.

she has articulation at the shoulders, hips, and neck, as well as a turnable waist. her legs are rubbery and have click-joints, giving them a little bit of motion, but her elbows are unarticulated. her arms are rubbery as well though, so you can get a little movement out of them, but it won’t hold.

her clothes. she actually comes with a lot of pieces- a bodysuit, a jacket, a skirt, two mismatched socks, leg warmers, shoes, and a purse with a little charm on it. i do particularly like these colorful platforms and the leg warmers

here’s her face (i did decided to try out one of the band aid stickers just to see how it looked. her eyebrows are super far under her bangs.

now, one of the biggest complaints (that i agree with) is that the faces on these dolls are not really that great. they look very baby-doll ish, but not in a way that’s quite cute enough to fit the mold. not particular a fan of this open mouth smile, or the detail-less eyes.

i did buy this doll with the intention to repaint! this is my initial mock up, i’d love to know if people like or hate this idea, or if they have any ideas for directions to take her face. i wanted to go for a kind of rainbow-maximalist look, with lots of asymmetry, because i feel like that really sells more of the decora style than her inital look.

here she is next to some of my other more rainbow-ish dolls. i put her next to core lagoona 1 and sunny’s 2-pack look, so you can see how she’s proportioned compared to a monster high and a rainbow high. she’s about the same height, but obviously has a much larger, massive bobblehead.

obligatory .5 shot

and that’s decora! i like her much more unboxed than i thought… i’d love to play around more with the sticker gimmick, but i don’t want to waste them before i give her her repaint. i will definitely update you guys as i work on her, though!

[misslavenderlady]

MONSTER MANIA CON POST!!

This weekend was an absolute dream come true! Everything I had hoped and dreamed for my very first convention. And I'm incredibly grateful that I got to be there with @ghoulgeousimmaculate @bloodsuckingfiends & @silvermaplealder (and his friend Jess). Everyone was so kind and fun to be around. I'll give the rundown of who I met in this post and I'll add another post later on with more pictures!

💜💜💜

The first day Ghoulie and I checked in early and got all dolled up to meet Alex Winter first. I got both an autograph and a photo op with him. He seemed a little tired/out of it and I assume that's because he JUST got back from the U.K. and went straight to the convention. His photo op was super quick and I was only able to pose next to him, not with him.

But still, he was super cool and was very happy when I told him how I introduced my fiancé to the Bill & Ted trilogy. I also showed him an art commission I requested of Ricky Coogan! He was a nice dude overall 😄

The second day Maple and I dressed up as David and Michael! I even got the honor of doing his makeup to make the cosplay extra authentic. He gave me some of his amazing, homemade stickers as a "thank you"! He was hands down the best looking David cosplayer in the whole convention.

I got to get an autograph from Heather Langenkamp before doing a selfie with her. I was the last one to see her before she left for photo ops. She was an absolute delight! I talked about listening to her episode on the Dead Meat podcast and we had a bonding moment over that. When I posed with her, I did a peace sign and she copied the pose.

Then she said "that's such a coincidence because I wear THIS every day!" and she pulled out a necklace with a peace sign charm. She was just so delightful 😊

Billy was an absolute dream. He has the most warm, caring look in his eyes and was very interested when I talked about how The Lost Boys got me back into writing. I was getting a little emotional, and I could tell he was on standby if I needed some help.

I had a photo op with him later, but I paid an extra $10 for a selfie with him. My hand was trembling from my nervousness and he was kind enough to hold it steady so I could take the picture. He made sure I was comfortable the whole time I interacted with him. 🥰

Also, I picked out a picture of Paul and Dwayne to be signed as a way to honor Brooke. When Billy saw it he said "awww I love this pic! 🥺" I was fighting tears ngl.

Kiefer was an incredible guy!! I decided just to do a photo op and not an autograph because people were lining up at 3 IN THE DAMN MORNING and I wasn't about to do that lol. He loved the outfits that Ghoulie and Maple wore, and it was such a delight seeing his smile. He was so kind with me. Very welcoming and didn't hesitate to shake my hand or wrap an arm around me for our picture! I think he was still is a great mood after seeing Maples perfect cosplay lol

The last celeb I met was Jason, and I gotta say, I think he was my favorite. Jordyn wasn't exaggerating when she said he was so nice. He was by far the kindest person I met at the whole convention (and that's saying something considering everyone was a delight to meet). I felt like he truly cared about meeting every single fan and was genuinely listening with interest when I told him the story of how @michael-after-hours got his name from Michael Emerson.

When I tell you his face LIT UP when he saw my cosplay. He was so overjoyed and it made me even happier to be dressed as Michael. The joyful energy was just so infectious. 🥰

I'm so incredibly lucky to have met all of these wonderful icons in horror. They truly did care about their fans and made the whole experience extra special. I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

TAG LIST

@hypocriticaltypwriter @ria-coolgirl @fallingthruspace @silvermaplealder @britany1997 @leiasolo77 @starlahuskyz @vampirefilmlover @charlizekkelly @charlottieellis @ghoulgeousimmaculate @michael-after-hours @legal-lost-boy @unethicallysourced @auntvamp

[atalossofwords]

YOU TASTE THE SILVER - IvanTill WIP (Part 5&6)

And we have two more POVs on this one! I was posting just one at a time to give myself a buffer to posting on AO3, but I wrote more than I expected haha.

That's right! The first chapter is now up on ao3 on this link. Please come by and leave some kudos!!

part one - part two - part three - part four

Things move on smoothly for Till. He's used to his new apartment, his set-up is pinterest-worthy if Hyuna has anything to say about it, and he's even opened his PO box again, warning his fans to only send letters and small packages, since he really enjoyed reading what everyone had to say.

(He's actually working on a collage of sorts, decking out one wall of his office with the letters. He always feels warm, looking at them. Kirby sent a really cute letter full of mongmong stickers, Bonbon's kid drew a really cute crayon rendition of his dad peering at his phone while vacuuming, and Jaewoon sent about 5 different drawings he treasures greatly.)

Leaving his PO box open, however, also means Navi has been sending a never-ending stream of little gifts. Almost none of them come with letters, or if they do, they're brief and printed from a computer. Apparently, since Till only comments on the contents of the gifts if he happens to wear them on-stream and said viewer comments on it, Navi decided that's the perfect excuse to spoil Till without making him lose his composure on-stream.

So far, Till has gotten; a new sweater, a varied collection of rings, a bundle of cellphone charms after he commented the string he looped through the case to hold his phone in case it falls frayed away.

Apparently, Navi also managed to walk around the "small package" limitation by sending gift cards for several stores. Till had no idea furniture stores even did gift cards.

He felt… sort of warm. If it was just an old man looking to spend his money or lure Till in, they'd probably insist on more diamonds or expensive stuff, right? Or insist Till comment on the gifts live, if it was some sort of sasaeng looking for attention.

Navi never did any of those things. After the diamonds, the gifts were never something Till would consider super expansive, unless you counted the frequency of them. The rings were silver, but none had jewels, the phone charms looked like something Till himself could get online, except the tags on them showed they were bought in Taiwan. The gift cards were weirder, but nothing more expensive than what Navi would donate over the course of one or two streams.

That is, until this latest gift.

Till stares at it, feeling the bottom of his stomach give out. He's in his kitchen, back from a supermarket run after he picked his latest batch of letters. He was going to read them while he ate lunch, but he feels 0 interest in his food right now.

He's holding two tickets for Mizi's concert, in the VIP section. One of those that comes attached to a meet-and-greet.

Clipped to them in an inconspicuous pink paperclip is a note.

I don't know if you got tickets for yourself, but I won these and will be out of the country at the time. I hope you can enjoy them with someone else. If the staff needs any information about the VIP status, here's my number. (xx) xxx-xxx. - Navi.

It is a handwritten note, written with a black pen in a hurry, so much so Till has to squint to make some of it out. The handwriting looks like someone who's not used to writing, with lots of places where the pen left marks as it hovered over the page without gliding, except the signature, which looks practed and neat.

Till has no idea what to do about this.

He calls Hyuna.

"Hi, I'm live." She answers, and he swears. He forgot to account for her streaming hours. He must sound agitated enough it worries her, because there's the sound of a few buttons being pressed, probably muting herself. "Till?"

He takes a deep breath.

"Sorry, I can call later." He says, putting the tickets down carefully and taking his lunch to the sink. He won't finish it.

"It's fine, what happened?"

"Navi sent in another gift." He can practically feel her rolling her eyes equal parts exasperated and relieved.

"Till, if you called me to fawn over your potential sugar daddy–"

"It's two tickets to Mizi's concert, VIP, with a meet-and-greet. And a number to contact if there's problems getting in." He says quickly, interrupting her. He runs one hand through his hair, starting to get stressed. Is this a trick? Is Navi going to be waiting on the seat besides these, corner Till in the show? No, they wouldn't send two tickets if this was the case.

"Holy shit." Hyuna says, entirely surprised. He makes a little agreeable noise. "Holy shit, Till, these aren't just expensive, they're like, hard to get. Did you message them yet?"

Till shakes his head, then realizes she can't see it. "No, I didn't call or message. Should I?" On the other side of the line Hyuna makes a tsk sound.

"No, don't call or message it. Let me finish the stream normally, and then we can look into it, okay? You said two tickets right? If you decide to go, take me or Isaac, and it should be alright." Till hums his agreement, and lets Hyuna go to finish her stream. It's a good plan, Hyuna can and has punched guys who harassed her, and Isaac is built like a brick house, no way a weirdo is getting close to him with Isaac there.

Dewey is probably a bad idea, he's more likely to punch first and ask questions never.

Till sighs, puts the tickets back on the envelope and goes take a bath, hoping it'll help him relax and maybe bring back his appetite.

Ivan is taking a water break from rehearsals when his phone chimes with a notification from an unknown number.

He immediately feels dread, did his number get leaked? He sits up, putting his water bottle down and opening the message.

Unknown [ 3:24PM ] Is this Navi?

Ivan blinks at the message, not understanding it for a long second. And then he is hit with the memories of staying up at night some days ago, reviewing the footage from the day's shoot and going over the script time and time again, because his performance was horrible and the whole scene had to be scrapped and he was so frustrated, and…

And Sua sent a message asking if he'd meet her for Mandated Lunch Time before Mizi's concert next month, and he remembered he couldn't make it since he'd be shooting that day, and he thought.

Till likes Mizi. Ivan has Mizi tickets.

He doesn't even remember what he wrote on the damn letter, oh god, did he sign with his name? Plaster his address on it??

This is fine. Ivan is fine. He asks one of the fight coordinators for five minutes and heads into the bathroom.

You [ 3:25PM ] Yes, who is it?

Better to see what they know before saying anything incriminating.

Unknow [ 3:25PM ] This is Till. Did you really send me Mizi tickets? How did you even get them?

Okay. Deep breaths, Ivan. You can do it. Say this is Navi, you really sent the tickets and that it's no big deal, and you got them… How did you get them? You can't say your real name, and saying you bought them for Till would sound weird, these really are expansive.

Ivan takes a deep breath, and sits on the toilet's lid, crossing his legs to rest his elbows on his knees.

You [ 3:26PM ] Hyung, you always said you liked them, and I happened across these as a job perk. I'll be out of the country, so it was no problem to give them to you.

Unknow [ 3:26PM ] A job perk? Even if that's true, they can't have been cheap. I've already told you, there's no need to keep wasting money on me.

You [ 3:27PM ] It's not wasting money, hyung. I really enjoy your lives, and it makes me happy knowing you're enjoying yourself. I work in the industry, so I know some people who are much less talented than you with a lot more opportunities. I just wanted to give you something to enjoy.

Ivan's fingers are flying over the keyboard before he's even conscious of it, indignation flaring up in his chest. Till works so much, he produces and sings and plays the guitar and drums, he writes his own lyrics, he's so incredibly talented and it makes Ivan furious to know he doesn't see it.

Ivan's been in the spotlight since he was a child acting on toy commercials, met even more people when he and Sua acted together as the twins of a famous singer on a period drama, and there's so many of these so-called "idols" that have a pretty voice and body and nothing else to give. So many actors bank on their looks and have 0 dedication to the craft. It makes Ivan livid.

You [ 3:27PM ] Hyung is so hard-working, and I really wish you'd see it. Your music deserves to be sold on albums and people should praise you so much more for how good your lyrics are. The people I work with don't put half the effort Hyung does, and they get to go to shows and afterparties all the time. I just want to let Hyung see his Idol and have a good time, since I won't use the tickets anyway. Is that bad?

Ivan is… breathing hard. He's somehow lost his cool. He watches as the three dots appear and disappear, and decides to get up. He exits the stall, splashes some water on his face, combs his hair back. Does a breathing exercise his mother taught him and Sua when his father and Sua's mom were fighting, and looks back at his phone.

Unknow [ 3:28PM ] Thank you. I'll enjoy the show.

Unknow [ 3:29PM ] Can I still message this number after it?

Ivan lets out an entirely undignified squeal, and almost does a little victory dance, all previous frustration wipes clean. Till wants to keep talking! Till isn't rejecting him!! Ivan has Till's phone number!!

You [ 3:29PM ] Yes! Hyung can message me whenever <3 I'll do my best to answer!

Unknow [ 3:30PM ] Great. I'll let you know how the show goes, then.

Ivan may be getting ready for a heart attack at the tender age of 22, but he's never regretted anything, in his life, ever.

part seven

[theonetruegnome]

Was thinking of slowing down, but my self doubt just suddenly vanished, so imma do TWO things today!

Next in line for the shifted critters, representing the cyan section of the rainbow and taking crafty's job, we have our best care-bears reject girl...

Leah Lensbear!

Leah is the group artist, a bit short for her age, shy and fidgety. Whenever she has to meet new people, she often ends up hiding behind her bigger friends until she feels brave enough to say hi, and she is always afraid of showing off her work to other people. Speaking of, rather than drawing, sculpting or baking, Leah takes up a different art form, photography!

She always has her camera bag on her at all times, poised to snap a shot of anything she thinks would look nice in a wallet or scrapbook. Birds, herbs, landscapes, derelict buildings, anything! Seriously, it's uncanny how fast she is with a camera. Her favourite subject is large landscape photos. The way she puts it, "this is the only time I feel big, capturing a massive cliff and forcing it onto a polaroid!" She also enjoys photographing moments with her friends. Her room walls at home are barely visible under all the shots pinned to them, and several shelves are full of scrapbooks and binders of cherished photos of all seven of her friends. Sometimes she brings them all over to model for her and they have a day trying on silly outfits and just goofing around her studio.

Her artistic skills are also transferrable to paper as it turns out! She considers herself to be no good at sketching but likes to trace out some of her photos to try to get better. She is also trying to take up carving wood, but so far she has only whittled a bar of soap into a slightly lumpier ball of soap, and is too nervous to ask her teacher on how to get better.

Her family and friends are her most cherished thing in the world. She loves them all and would do anything for them, though she often doubts she'll be any use in their plans or schemes due to her physical weakness compared to people like Dandy. She actually met her friends by accident while she was taking photos in the park, but that's a story for another day!

And now for the requisite trivia!

She sometimes buys sweets and lozenges for coughs and sore throats and just eats them, plain. 'h-hey, I like the taste, alright!'

Her uncle got her her first professional camera for her eighth birthday and she still hasn't stopped thanking him.

When the critters had a turf war with another group, Leah was sent in as an espionage agent and spy. She lasted two days and took on the persona of a charismatic German woman (Dandy and a certain elephant's idea).

She often has a knitted cardigan on, even during the summer. She says she just wants to look nice but there's another reason she won't tell. Don't look into it!

Her scent is valerian flower and her charm is the side view of a camera with a sticker of crafty's charm on the side.

[doubleddenden]

time for gen 4 on the starter review

the Sinnoh Starters are, to me, are probably the last truly amazing trio of starters where all three are purposely fantastic design wise- at least, by their final evolutions. At first glance, they don't really have much going for them in terms of cohesion other than a shared yellow in their color palette, and I'd say a slightly less saturated color palette if we compare to previous gens, and they may not appeal to everyone right away- but by the time they finish evolving? Good god, some of the best designs in the entire franchise. As for their base forms, each have their own level of being iconic for a variety of reasons that I'd say is only outmatched by the gen 1 starters themselves- at least, looking at how the fans perceives them. Each of the base forms has different types of obsessed fans, to the say the least.

easily a 9/10 if we look at their final evos alone.

now BREAK IT DOWN *starts sobbing uncontrollably*

First up, Turtwig, the second turtle starter. First off, lets get this boy a certified *friend* sticker, because that is a genuine little guy right there. Second, let's admire the little dude. His head is big and his jaw is chompin size, and look at those little feets of his. God. What a good little boy. Onto actual critiquing, the color palette used is an excellent mix of I'd call "earth tones," fitting for how its line is basically meant to embody the earth itself. I got nothing else for this guy except that I love him. 9/10, something is a little off but I can't touch on what.

Okay, despite what some poketubers might say, Grotle is not a bad design whatsoever imo. I think it's not as good as Turtwig or Torterra, but there's a unique charm to it at as well- so long as you're looking at it from the right angle, which as we've discussed before in previous posts, can make or break a Pokemon. Still, I dig that Grotle kind of dips into some dinosaur to help supplement it, I think I'm particularly seeing a little bit of an ankylosaurus in the face and body. The shrubs on the back are a nice touch and are connected to branches- sort of like with Ivysaur to Bulbasaur, so too does Grotle's back seem to blossom forth some type of plant life. I think it's a fine design, although I do think that perhaps the yellow would be better replaced by a darker brown. 7/10.

Followers from my other posts may remember a post I made regarding Torterra- how it has got to be one of the most HORRIFYING pokemon to be turned into if you're a PMD protagonist (basically imagine being a regular human and turned into a slow, heavy tortoise that is immortal, cannot die unless it is cold, and you can drown super easily and not be able to move very far while other Pokemon just... grow up on your back). That's not what this post is about- in fact, some misconstrued and thought I was hating on the guy. Absolutely not, in fact, Torterra is one of the COOLEST grass starters ever, and grass pokemon in general. Torterra is basically a better Venusaur imo, it just gets way less love and was done ABSOLUTELY DIRTY in the anime.

The colors are fantastic, with each color helping the other to stand out and pop in some way or another. The design is also just immaculate, it's dangerous looking in a very fun way, and doesn't sacrifice any of the edge or cool factor for something stupid like certain later gen pokemon do. Torterra's concept of representing the world- essentially being a "world turtle"- is executed excellently in the fact that its back has grown from bare soil, to sprouted saplings, and now a full on biome. Again, it pulls from more dinosaur elements into its design as well, which is always a welcome plus. An easy 9/10.

The Turtwig line in general is pretty easy to love and find cool, and you'd be very hard pressed to find a single schmuck brave enough to say they dislike Torterra. Gen 4 in general has really amazing Pokemon design and adds just the right amount of edge and coolness to most of its pokedex, and this line is certainly no exception. Sure, ice types absolutely cripple this line, it's a little slow, and there might be better choices for a grass or ground type from Sinnoh- but I don't really care about that. If you love Turtwig, Grotle, or Torterra, you can easily make it work with the rest of your team. Honestly, I just want a grass starter to look this cool again so badly. 9/10 overall.

MMMMM.... Monke....

Okay, so let's get it out of the way- This Pokemon line has had one of the BEST character arcs in the entire Pokemon anime. From trash to treasure, I tell you, even coming back to hog some spotlight in Journeys. The absolute GOAT of Ash's fire starters, for sure, with a story that pretty surpasses Charizard in terms of execution, although not in feats.

... *that being said*, on a design critique perspective... Not really my favorite. I really dislike how disproportionately big the head is for its tiny body, and the colors aren't really enough for me- maybe if they were to have brought in the blue eye-shadow and some gold or white a little sooner, I'd be more impressed. I think as a kid, I simply picked it purely because it was a fire type, and thankfully I was rewarded for my choice down the road. I guess it's not terrible, but I certainly prefer other monkeys. Maybe if they gave it a tail like its evolutions. 5/10. Ash's Chimchar gets bumped to an 8, though. We respect the little guy.

And respect we continue. Monferno fixes a lot of gripes I have with Chimchar, and thankfully he's a quick evolution away at level 14. I did think it was... lazy? I guess? That they made it a second fire/fighting type, but I reckon if Combusken and Blaziken leaned more towards the fire, Monferno and Infernape leaned more towards the fighting. Regardless, it's a fun design that really fixes up a lot of Chimchar's failings, like sizing up the body to its head size, adding in more colors and a tail, this is truly where the monke begins to start shining. The feet are... weird, sure, but overall a vast improvement, and probably my favorite middle evolution of the fire fighting trio and the sinnoh starters. 8/10.

MMMMMM MONKE!!!!! THAT'S WHY HE'S THE GOAT!!!!!

I'm gonna go ahead and spoil the fact that he's an easy 9/10 design, and arguably the last good fire starter (design wise) until Hisuian Typhlosion and Skeledirge. Just LOOK AT HIM! What an amazing blend of dark oranges, reds, golds, whites, blues, the flaming head also invokes serious protagonist energy- and definitely channels that Sun Wukong energy, really only missing a cloud to ride on. He's a bit on the short side- I was initially surprised by just how... short he is. Still, he is a short KING. This is arguably the best of the Sinnoh trio, the best of the fire/fighting trio, and the best fire type in Sinnoh (being fair, he only has Magmortar, Rotom, Heatran, and Arceus as competition). Close Combat, Flare Blitz- this bro is not here for a long time, he is here for a GOOD TIME.

And I think we all know that I'd be an idiot to not bring up Ash's. THE BLUE FLARE BLITZ! THE BLAZE! THE REVENGE AGAINST A SHIT TRAINER! THE FINAL FIGHT AGAINST ELECTIVIRE! That is how you glow up! He didn't need a special form for that, that was hard work and sheer, raw, badassery! That definitely contributes to why I love this pokemon lol. Like I said, 9/10.

Someone will probably see that I did not give Chimchar the friend status- that's because we give it to Infernape instead, and not just a friend, but a BRO status. That is someone we respect on a whole other level and love to see him get stronger.

The Chimchar line is a choice that will reward the trainer if you put the time in as far as the designs go. In terms of power, you really cannot go wrong with this guy either. This singular Pokemon line is beloved by fans for many reasons, but the anime certainly aids to it. 8/10 collectively.

Onto Piplup- I feel like most of the vocal internet side will say this is their favorite of the Sinnoh starters, but I do think a large portion of that comes from people who either only watched the anime or simply weren't looking at what it evolves into. I certainly didn't give it the time of day myself until a few years back, and I've come to appreciate it a bit more. The anime certainly helps sell it as a loveable little asshole, not even having mercy on a baby Cyndaquil. It's definitely a friend, but more specifically a nephew or niece you entertain a bit or a little brother you like to tease a little.

Design wise, I like it enough, not really my favorite but it's not bad either, the big head definitely detracts a little for me. The colors are a nice blend of blues and whites, although that... whatever that back thing is is kinda weird. I'd much rather it be a back flipper or tail feather or something. Still, it's got this undeniable cute factor that you can't really ignore. 7/10

Prinplup... I'm not gonna lie, it's a little worse and definitely my least favorite of the middle Sinnoh starters. It is definitely a better water bird than Quaxwell, in my opinion, but only slightly. The colors are certainly a nice palette, and I do like that the head is smaller- but its a little *too* small now in comparison to the rest of the body. I do appreciate it being more penguin shaped than Piplup, though. 6/10.

NOW we're getting to the best of the line, Empoleon. I didn't initially like it as a kid, but as I've gotten older, I really dig it for a lot of reasons, including its mostly black color scheme with blue as the accentuating color rather than the main one. Water/Steel is an interesting type combo that... I don't think has been repeated since, which is insane considering we're close to 20 years past its initial introduction. I used to wonder why it wasn't part ice- it's a penguin after all- but now I understand that it's steel type BECAUSE it lives in icy areas- or, as icy as Sinnoh and Hisui can be, I guess (it can be snowy, but polar?). Piplup was cute, Prinplup was dorky, and now we're at the regality and badassery of Empoleon, which rounds up the evolution chain nicely. I even appreciate how it's a little taller than expected- I'm still taller, as it's at 5'7, but as a kid that would definitely fit my mental image of an "emperor" penguin, which i thought were 6 feet tall lol. The inspirations for Infernape and Torterra are little more clear and mythical in nature, but Empoleon clearly has an emperor's vibe about it, while the head decoration could be a nod to Neptune's trident. Overall a fun design, and evidently the anime thinks so too since it keeps coming back so often, even to Kukui's team. 8/10.

The Piplup line is one of those lines that has its very rabid fans- but mostly by people that consume cute things and probably don't care for what comes next. That's not bad, mind you, but I do think Empoleon is the stronger design of the bunch, just speaking from my own perspective. I do feel that other water types are designed better, but it is also not the worst it could possibly be either and has a pretty banging move set as well, and recently got some love in a new hidden ability. The imagery of a spoiled prince becoming a regal ruler is also appreciated, all things said and done. A solid 8 for the potential alone.

Gen 5 next

[therecordchanger62279]

MAILER’S MARILYN

     I was just 17 when I walked into Readmore bookstore in the American Mall in Lima, Ohio, and bought my first adult book. Oh, I don’t mean adult as in pornographic. It wasn’t that kind of a bookstore. No, by adult I mean the first book written by an established author on a subject of mainstream interest with adult themes, and prose that was far beyond what I’d read in books to that point for people my age, or in music or sports magazines.

     On the cover of this trade paperback was the face of Marilyn Monroe. There were no words on that front cover. But the title on the spine read Marilyn a biography by Norman Mailer. At 17 I had never read Mailer, but I knew him from William Buckley’s Firing Line show on PBS, and guest appearances on talk shows when they actually used to have authors on to talk about their new books because in that America, people still read books.

     The books were all shrink-wrapped except for a display copy that had a price sticker slapped across Marilyn’s forehead. At that age – 12 years after her passing – Marilyn Monroe was still turning heads, and putting ideas in young minds. So, I picked it up, and casually browsed through it hoping the adult at the counter wouldn’t stop me from looking at the pictures within.

     Those pictures were extraordinary. I’d never seen a woman looking quite so beautiful. I was still a year away from being legally permitted to buy a Playboy or a Penthouse, but I thought because this was a proper book written by a well-known author that I might be able to buy a copy. I nervously approached the counter, and, without incident, bought the book. After all, none of the pictures were pornographic, though there were some nudes that revealed almost nothing. But I was buying the book for the pictures, make no mistake.

     When I got home, I spent quite a bit of time gazing at those pictures of this dead sex symbol because I found her mesmerizing. I gave little thought to the text, although I fully intended to read it at some point.

     As the years went by, I began building a very impressive collection of quality books by some of the world’s finest authors. And in my mind, Mailer’s Marilyn was the first book in that collection.

     Well, this past week, at the age of 68, I finally read Mailer’s biography of Marilyn. In the 51 years that had passed I’d read 13 of Mailer’s other books, as well as a biography of him. Maybe that should’ve prepared me to read Marilyn, and maybe it did. I certainly don’t think I was sophisticated enough to have appreciated Mailer’s words at 17 (although Marilyn’s charms were certainly not lost on me). So, I’m glad I waited to read Marilyn because I think it’s the best of the Mailer books I’ve read. It’s unlike any biography I’ve ever read. The project began as a book of photographs of Marilyn with accompanying text to provide some depth. But Mailer, like me, and most of the men in the world (and not a few women) became mesmerized by Marilyn, and he began researching her life in greater depth. By the time he turned the manuscript over to the publisher, they had both a book of photographs, and a biography of some weight.

     That Mailer’s words are the equal of Marilyn’s beauty is the highest praise I can offer. He provided a great deal of insight and history that only enhanced my admiration, and understanding of this tragic figure who left us far too soon.

     When I closed the book, I went into the room to put the book back on the shelf. This would not be one I’d sell to a used bookshop for 50 cents or a buck. But before I restored it to its rightful place on my bookshelf, I thought it wise to retrieve a plastic record sleeve. I put the book in the sleeve, and folded it to fit, and scotch taped it to protect it. Sometimes you buy something because you think it’s cool, and years later you realize that it means a great deal more.

[fourseasonsfigs]

Building Block Figs - Beautiful Fight Scene in the Middle of the Lake (Part One)

Figthusiast friends, it's time for a little something different! Today we have the first of a series of building block Word of Honor fig sets.

I first saw these sets earlier this year when I was browsing for figs on Xianyu, my favorite secondary market app. I stopped my scrolling in total surprise when I first saw a picture, and was like wait...are these actually Lego-type Word of Honor figs??? I zoomed in, and lo and behold, they sure were.

I absolutely loved Legos when I was a kid. My family didn't have enough money to be able to buy much in the way of expensive toys, but I did save up my babysitting money so I could buy a few of them myself. It took a long time at $1.50 an hour!

So, of course when I saw these, the nostalgia factor combined with my fandom fig obsession made these a must buy.

Today's fig is that the first set I found. It's called (via MTL) "Beautiful Fight Scene in the Middle of the Lake", which I must congratulate for being extremely descriptive and 100% accurate.

As soon as I saw this, I did an immediate search on Taobao and Weidian to see if I could just buy the set vs. pick it up off Xianyu. For two reasons. One, I can buy directly off Taobao (vs using a third party purchase agent for Xianyu), and two, I was hoping there was more in the series than this one figure. However, they were no longer being sold on either platform, so Xianyu it was.

I browsed around and was lucky enough to find a seller on Xianyu that did, in fact, have other sets in the series, and who was clearing them all out, brand new and unopened. She noted that she was still a fan, she just had never had the time to put these together and realized now with her workload she probably never would. I bought all three of her sets, including this one, for about $37 total, which is about half off the retail of 179 yuan per set they originally went for (about $25 each). I thought this was a great deal considering the actual costs of specialized Lego sets these days, even non-branded building block sets.

As far as I can tell, there are four big sets that are famous scenes from the show, and three small sets that are just our two favorite leads only. I was able to buy the three big scenes off that one person, and one of the set of figs-only, but I'm still missing some (too many!). I keep checking Xianyu. I was actually surprised to see the other day there was another set I didn't know existed - but sadly it ended up being sold out. I'll keep looking.

Anyway!

The Beautiful Fight Scene in the Middle of the Lake is a 1,236 piece set, measures 8.4 x 16.8 x 12.4 cm, and it's rated about 8 hours to complete. It's the fastest of the big sets (the remainder of which are rated 10, 10, and 11 hours respectively). In retrospect, should I have started with the smaller figs-only set (rated 2 hours)? Probably. But I was just so charmed by this set, and I only have one lake fig set to date, so this seemed like something very fun. Plus, as you will hear about later, I did not fully understand the specs until well after I was almost done assembling the very last set.

I had a surgical procedure that was scheduled this month (and is why I've been out of commission for a while), and I had specially saved up these sets as fun projects to make while I was recovering. I figured it would be nice to have something to look forward to.

So, post surgery, once I felt up to sitting up, I made myself a comfy little nest and settled in with my little boxes of treasures.

This is the pic from the seller - you would never know these were Word of Honor sets. They're just generic boxes from the manufacturer, with a small sticker on the top to indicate what set it is, along with a QR code.

I excitedly opened up the box, to find a bag o'bricks, a small black plastic piece and another sticker with QR code.

It turns out the little black plastic piece is a super handy little tool to quickly and easily break assembled bricks apart. Which is great if you accidentally assemble any steps incorrectly, as I would soon find out.

The QR code was for the directions, which were, in a quantum technological leap forward from my admittedly decades ago Lego experiences, online and fully 3-dimensional.

Pretty cute! I decided to go in order, and indeed start with the simple looking raft.

As a side note, I will tell you that I started this completely sure I was going to be able to assemble this set in an afternoon. I had somehow completely missed the MTL for the estimated assembly time until literally just now, as I was translating pics for this blog post. The set seemed fairly small in the picture, and while it has indeed been decades since I put together a Lego set, I'm (literally) an old hand at it. I felt extremely confident. Overconfident, you might say, given that my exact mental words to myself as I clicked on the raft image was, I'm gonna knock this thing out in no time.

Doesn't look like much, does it?

I figured that before I did anything else, I would sort by colors and shapes, so when I was ready to get started, I could move really fast. So I sorted. And sorted. And sorted some more. The bag doesn't look like a lot of bricks, but let me tell you, there were a LOT (1,236, which once again, I only realized until I was researching for this very blog post). Unlike Legos, these were all thin single-brick height, so there were no 4x4x4 type bricks, for example. It made it easier to sort, but as I was sorting (and sorting some more), I realized that it might take a lot of building to get significant height going.

Eventually, after about an hour, I got them all sorted, and felt very accomplished, if a bit tired. I took a little nap, and then settled back into my crafting nest, and then got ready to, and I quote myself once again, bang this sucker out.

The directions started with an image of the final product, which was helpful.

I will say the online direction interface was pretty amazing. I could zoom in, spin around, go upside down, view it any which way I wanted to by pinching and pulling at my phone's screen. It was fantastic, and certainly made it much easier. That little circle on the right side is the "next direction" button, and helpfully the number in the circle tells you how many steps you have left. There were 34 steps in this raft, and you can tell by the number here I'm not too far along.

Here's a little further as I gamely plug along. I got momentarily confused early on by the colors - there's a dark blue, a medium blue, and a light blue, and I had started assembling the raft with medium blue instead of dark blue. I got to figure out how useful that brick de-assembler was real fast, let me tell you. I also started screenshotting and translating the colors until I felt I had a good handle on what exact colors I should be picking.

You can see here how I can zoom in to figure out exactly where to place the bricks. You can't tell by the screenshot, but the bricks you are laying in each particular step blink, and are outlined in dark black like you see in the shot above. It's very handy.

I got into a groove pretty quick. For each step, I'd count and select the bricks shown in the little legend at the bottom, and put them in a little pile next to me. I did this to make sure I used up all the bricks each layer, as early on I was just following the directions and not realizing that some steps you had to put the brick underneath other ones, which would not be visible on the blinking screen unless I pinched and pulled the model to flip it around on the screen. If I got to the end of the step and still had bricks left, I knew one (or more) were hiding, and I could rotate the image around until I found where they should go. Yes, I did learn this the hard way, naturally.

After a good long time, I finally finished the raft! I will say, I was a bit puzzled that the raft is green and blue, as we well know the raft in the show is just bamboo.

Did I re-watch the scene just to make triple sure? I sure did!

So there's actually two rafts, this simple one here in the foreground, and then the bigger, sturdier raft there behind the boat. It's this first raft that this set is capturing, and more or less this moment, if not at such an acute angle.

I may actually rearrange the figures to be in this particular configuration later. Stay tuned!

It turns out that the raft is these colors because (now that I've put a lot of them together) the company doesn't appear to make many brick colors. The blues are unusual in the sense there are actually three different shades. The red bricks I have have only ever been one fire engine red color, and the brown bricks only one medium brown. So, rather than make the raft uniformly all brown, they made it colorful with the blue and green, perhaps to simulate the water. I admire the colorful nature of it, but I have to say, I'm contemplating re-doing the raft when I finish all the kits. Each kit has leftover bricks, and I seem to have a lot of brown bricks left over. I think I'm going to try remaking this with a brown raft base and black for the lines instead, with some blue and more of the transparent bricks to simulate water. Stay tuned for that, too!

So, by the time I finished the raft, I was beat. Super tired, and surprised it took as long as it did. BUT, I reasoned it only made sense since it was the very first piece I did, so naturally it would take longer than most. It was time to sleep.

The next day, I woke up bright and early, on a mission. On to Wen Kexing!

I started confident (confidence is never my problem, unfortunately, but it is sometimes A problem) that now that I had experience, I could in fact, bust this bad boy out.

I was merrily assembling away, and I happened to take a closer look at the directions - specifically, the little number in the bottom circle.

I don't know if you can see this number, but it is two of Gong Jun's favorite number 88. That's right, EIGHTY-EIGHT. I was like, what?!? How many was there in this figure? I've been going for a while (answer, as I scrolled back through the directions, is 111).

Remember how I said that these are all single-ply building bricks? Yep. Takes a bunch to turn them into a tall, yet humble philanthropist. Well, the only way out is through, right?

The directions kept having me assembling parts, and then having me set them aside for later. It looked nothing like a mild and gentle scholar, but I've found that, similar to life and perhaps also Ikea assembly instructions, sometimes you just have forge ahead and take it on faith that things are gonna work out.

Ah ha! Suddenly it IS starting to make a little sense. I recognize that costume!

(Sidebar to say, we all recognize this costume! And we know this gorgeous pale green outer robe is not, in fact, blue. I was slightly taken aback by this until I realized later the thing about the factory's lack of colors. The bright, intense grass green of the only green option (other than neon green, ahahaha) would have been even less suitable for our peacock's fine feathers, so actually this is a very good choice).

MAY I also note that number in the bottom right hand circle is 55. FIFTY-FIVE.

I'm gonna fast forward through the naps and the breaks, and just take one quick other picture break:

I just about cheered when I got to this point! I was like, oh there he is! You can also tell by the quality of light and the shadows that it was late at night at this point. On a different day.

Anyway, we arrive at the glorious conclusion:

Hooray! I was so happy and tickled at this point. I was just so charmed by him. His little rosy cheeks, his side wispies on his hair, the motion of him standing on one foot. The back of his hair is fantastic too, although you can't see it here yet.

On to our beloved A-Xu...

May I just say how DELIGHTED I am that this is indeed hobo-Xu? His little beard and goatee combo in brick form just made me giggle.

First thing, I checked to see how many steps our reclusive hobo had. 115, which I appreciated for Zhang Zhehan's birthday kadian, if nothing else.

You can tell by the colors and shadows that once again this is a different evening, here on step 77 and about to graduate to step 76:

Once again it looked pretty unrecognizable, except that now I had done one fig, I was starting to understand kind of where they were going.

Plus, Lao Wen got to watch this time. In the daytime, as you can tell by the nice bright light.

Annnd it's night time again. Ahahahaha, I love this fig! I really like how they did his bangs. You can see here too some of his glorious black hair streaming out behind him.

By the way, at this point the tips of my fingers were quite sore in a stingy kind of oversensitive way. Sadly, typing away at a keyboard all the time (also for decades!) at my desk job has in no way toughened up my fingers. I did not think snapping bricks into place and pushing down on them to squeeze them tightly together would tax them so much. Sitting here typing this, actually, my fingers are still sore (I am admittedly working my way though the last set, the 11 hour one).

It's yet another (different) evening, and at last, A-Xu is here! I was so happy to get to this point!

Annnnd I'm out of picture slots to do the full beauty 360 degree spin of these two. Sorry to make you wait (although you may be tired of such a massive post already!), but come back tomorrow for Part Two!

Material: Plastic building bricks

Fig Count: 500 (I'm gonna wait to count these until tomorrow)

Scene Count: 32 (same)

Rating: Lots of fun, actually. I'll give the in-depth low-down tomorrow!

[link to the Master Post Index]

[vampstel]

Hi Nick! I'm wondering what's your current opinion on Royale High now that the new Campus is out?

Ouh… I have a lot to say so bare with me lol

I’ve been enjoying the new campus a lot but I can’t deny there are still many flaws within Royale High that should be addressed. The biggest issue I have so far are the dorms. The dorms are not at all beginner friendly OR free-to-play friendly. I spent well over 500,000 diamonds on my dorm which is a ridiculous amount... And not only that, my game crashes if I join a public dormitory server.

You could argue and say it’s faster to level up now but that doesn’t negate the fact you only get 300 diamonds per level without gamepasses. That is not enough to get anything and it makes grinding way too tedious and painful. This is an opinion I’ve had ever since and it’s upsetting that they aren’t doing anything about it.

The level up rewards are great but I do believe a lot of them are unnecessary or simply not worth it. I have gained around 500 levels so far in the new campus and half the rewards I’ve gotten are save slots for lockers. I recently got the award to resize stickers and considering stickers are a gamepass, some people won’t even be able to use it. I was expecting the rewards to be diamond multipliers to make grinding easier for free-to-play players but nope!

The realms look beautiful though and the graphics are great. Animations incredible, the voice acting and the beginning cutscene make Royale High really stand out in comparison to other Roblox games. However,, the main campus/lobby itself looks very unpolished and has peculiar parts to it that make no sense but you could say it’s just apart of Royale High’s charm. The other campuses make no sense either lol

Overall, I think the new campus is wonderful but it’s not as good as people hyped it up to be. It’s not perfect, there’s a lot of flaws but It is a BIG improvement. There’s a lot of potential for the game to flourish if the developers play their cards right.

Hopefully the last few phases make the new campus feel more complete and polished. As soon as the game’s out of beta I’m definitely making a video reviewing it :P

[mundrakan]

Black Brothers Meta

A meta from me? What happened?

Let's just say, I feel a bit frustrated about some of the depictions of the Black Brothers in fandom.

Sirius - general

There is a subtle balance in this character, and neither extreme depiction does him full justice. He is not a helpless Himbo without survival skills, intellect and gravity, but neither is he JUST a brooding timebomb.

There have been many Metas towards the fact that Sirius is intelligent, that many praise his skills, even when they don't like him, and that he must have been exceptional to create the Marauders' Map, battle Death Eaters with literally no practise and give good advice on top. But I do't want to repeat that.

Instead let me tackle this from a logical view. Sirius grew up in the the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black that kept up a high reputation and ridiculously high standards. By his own accounts his parents weren't overly fond of him, and he managed to cause trouble over and over and over again - and yet: he was only dismissed - not even fully disowned - after he ran away.

If he was weak and had no competence, would his parents not lost patience sooner? They had a spare after all, exactly for cases like that. Would they not have put a definite end to all his antics?

In all his time one thing his family never doubted was his ability - and they trusted it enough that even then he could still inherit, though other candidates (even male ones, if not from the main line) were available.

The second part is a bit tricker, for especially in OOTP we see a lot of his difficult personality traits. He gets broody, angered easily, sharply acidic. But if we take a wider perspective on his personality, these are only the sharpest edges of a person otherwise likeable, charming even. A person one can love. He is loyal to the fault, he is genuinely funny, he can touch gently, if he chooses so.

Even before Azkaban he has gone through a lot of trauma. An abusive climate at home and going through a war can do this to a person. Yet, he had coping mechanisms in place, and they worked. The motorcycle, the pranks, even just going for a run as Padfoot. All these gentled him, gave him perspective, brought him back to himself.

The sharp edges only become visible, while he has no longer freedom of movement and possibilities, but is instead, once again, imprisoned. In a house he hates, and that hates him back. With company he does not exactly like.

So the truth clearly lies in between the extremes. Sirius is a layered and complicated, but therefore interesting character. Treating him as a shallow sticker of dumb or evil doesn't do him right.

Regulus Black - general

We know very little about Regulus in canon. We know that he used to admire Voldemort, but valued Kreacher even HIGHER than that. We know that he was better behaved than Sirius and that he did well enough in Slytherin to not cause a splash - particularly not a negative one. We know that he could plan ahead and that he, too, was skilled, or he would not have made it far enough to die in a particular cave - after he retrieved the Horcrux.

The rest is just logical extrapolation from what we know and what seems to fit. Therefore I do think, as brothers go, Sirius and Regulus have a lot in common. They both are deeply hurt, though they use different strategies to deal with it.

While Sirius challenges his parents' indoctrination and oversized expectations of their children, Regulus goes into inner exile. He does as he is told and fades into the background. That makes him no less skilled or smart than Sirius, no less ressourceful. It's just another trauma response.

We can assume that he knows strategy, social intricacies and manipulation - he lived through Slytherin - and that he can use them. In my books that does NOT make him a second hand Draco, loud, obnoxious and overly proud. It makes him a grey excellence. It makes him a whisperer into the ear of the mighty, a good manipulator, a smart advisor. He is young and misguided, yet, it takes only his own mind to revise his misconceptions and go for the kill.

Some argue, he only wanted to revenge Kreacher, but imagine the passion (and the mental artistics) to go from full blown fanboyism to the spite his last message implies?

So in summary to me it seems, Regulus is a person only seen or heard, if he wants you to. He prepares carefully and is willing to sacrifice everything for a worthy cause - and for going out with a proper bang. He can be dramatic. But only at moments of his own choosing, and most things are just not worth the effort.

Regulus & Sirius - brotherly relationship

Most fandom depictions these days tend to be very one-sided. Either the brothers love each other dearly and getting parted is unbearable, or Sirius is a villain, callous and without responsibility to leave Regulus with his parents.

And it makes me wonder: do have people siblings, these days?

Siblings are friends and enemies, rivals for their parents' love, but protectors from their parents' wrath. They love each other, annoy the hell out of each other, hate each other and still cannot live without each other.

Sibling relationships, more so under pressure, tend to be complicated, difficult, indescribable by single-word-terms.

So... Sirius and Regulus likely loved each other. They likely hated each other too, or at least thought it was hatred, when it was really just annoyance and the projected hostility the parents sowed between them. They drifted apart due to different personalities, different coping strategies, but while neither would have ASKED for help from the other, the respective brother would have basically cut off his leg, just to help out, if true need arose.

That does not mean that Sirius should have remained in the HouseTM, or could have taken Regulus with him. Martyrdom only goes so far, and self-preservation is a thing, even among siblings. As things go, Regulus might have even told him to go - maybe calling him a coward or gloating that then the title will be his (and meaning it both dead serious in the moment, and not at all in the long run). Sirius might have asked Regulus to come, and he wouldn't, for he DID fit into the society his parents created, if only due to his own ways to tackle the problem.

He didn't have the need to leave, he didn't suffer (or at least didn't feel it). He would instead have suffered with the Marauders or worse the Order of the Phoenix, who treated even Sirius with a good amount of suspicion (after all, no one doubted that he could betray his best friend). He was used to tightly knit peer groups, as even the HatTM says that Slytherin makes friends for life.

In other words: the simple answers don't apply to the Brothers Black. One couldn't walk the path of the other, one couldn't just "save" the other. The only thing that could have saved them would have been some intermediate who carried the messages of their well-being (or lack thereof), long after contact ceased.

And I bet neither would have hesitated to do the right thing (or wrong thing), just to save their brother. For no one hits my brother but me.

[olderjodijournals]

Sunday, May 1, 1994

 

Just had a chat with Andy and I’m about to hit the sack.

I have a total of 167 letters so far.

Today I’m not in the best of moods. I blew my schedule. I couldn’t wake up till 11 PM.

Also, the little animals are screaming their heads off in the backyard next door so I sure as hell won’t get any peace in my backyard. It sounds like the pool at the apartment complex.

What’s God trying to tell me? Why, why, why?! Almost everyone else here’s quiet on this street. Why me? Will they all really go to Idaho for the summer? Will they stay inside when it’s very hot? Why me? God, what are you trying to tell me?

I just got the two stickers in the front cover of my journal from my box of Lucky Charms.

I’m very hungry now, so I think I’ll get a bite to eat and then do some typing.

Later...

I wish Tom was working nights just for tonight so I could go throw a bottle onto their roof next door. Oh, I wanna do something sooo bad.

I wish I was deaf. I really really do. Yes, I’d miss my music, but I’ve heard long enough to hear plenty of songs in my head and to keep singing. I really really wish I were deaf. This one ear of mine has heard too many sounds it didn’t want to hear.

I don’t know how long they were out there, but I can imagine it was a good 4-6 hours. People have no respect for those around them. People have no control over their own kids. I’m sure they won’t go away for the summer. God just wouldn’t bless me with that. If He did, there’d be some other problem till we live in a house someday far enough away from others.

I just want to be deaf so bad. It’s all I think about lately. It’s always on my mind. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf. I want to be deaf.

Monday, May 2, 1994

 

Earlier Tom showed me how to hook the VCR up to the computer and print out pictures. I was doing fine till he went to bed, but now I can’t get the damn thing to print.

So much for his wearing me out today like he said he would cuz he felt really lousy, but I truly understand. I couldn’t be horny if I had a cold.

I talked to Andy and I may very well go to his place tomorrow to do wall art.

I’ll be going to bed soon, and on my way there, I not only wish I were deaf, I still wonder what’s God’s motive, or whoever my maker is, behind throwing these kids next door at me? Of all the houses on the block, too. It just had to be me. Is he trying to tell me I’m to have a kid? Or just annoy me? I think if I were meant to have a kid, I’d be pregnant by now and not a DES daughter. As far as to annoy me; I haven’t been doing anything to really annoy, upset, or piss off anyone else for quite a while now, so I don’t know about that. What is the reason? There’s got to be a reason. These things just don’t constantly happen wherever one goes. This is no coincidence.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Tuesday, May 3, 1994

 

In just a little while, I have to go see Dr. Wilcox. When I get there and have to wait 20 years I’ll write more.

Later...

I’m in one of the exam rooms waiting to be seen. It’ll be a while, I’m sure. God, I hate waiting!

Yesterday was lots of fun. Andy picked me up at 12:30 and I was there till 6 PM. Before that, I got 3 letters from Bob and 1 from Kim.

I also spoke to Tammy. They removed Bill’s spleen which was loaded with cancer. Luckily his liver’s OK and they hope he can resume light duties at work within 6 weeks if the chemo works. If not, they may have to do a bone marrow transplant.

When Andy picked me up he went to pay his cable bill. That took forever.

Oh, before I forget. I spoke to Mom yesterday. She’s sending a package, but she wouldn’t say what of. I should get it at the end of next week.

After the cable company, we went to the Abco grocery store where he got a 6-pack of Snickers bars and some milk.

I took my suit hoping that maybe his

Later...

I got cut off in mid-sentence cuz Dr. Wilcox came in. Luckily it didn’t drag on as long as I thought it might.

She thought my journal book was so beautiful and was astounded when I told her how many I had. She asked me how I got into it and I told her. I noticed she had the same pen I’m writing with now, but hers was black. She asked to try this pen, she did, liked it and I offered to swap, but we didn’t. I intend to get more of these pens for sure.

Anyway, my boobs are very sore. She recommended vitamin E. She also said my lungs were a little tight, but not that bad. Yup, they certainly could be worse. They took blood for my Theo level anyway and they’ll call only if there’s a problem.

So anyway, about yesterday. I took my suit over to Andy’s hoping the heat would still be on since there’s a huge Olympic-size pool there, but it was too cold.

Andy did his laundry and cleaned while I drew cactus and a pot of flowers. He was very happy with it.

He gave me some things, too. The picture Tom took of us with my cactus I drew in the living room here behind us. Also, some other pictures of him, a nice wall shelf and an old Stevie dress. A nice pair of sunglasses, too. This pair doesn’t bother my ear and when I blink, my eyelashes don’t hit the lens. I’m going to adjust the Stevie dress and make a nice skirt out of it for myself. The wall shelf’s up in my room. It has 3 spokes on it and I’ve got necklaces and hair stuff hanging off it.

I lent him my Bonnie Raitt CD again, gave him the tapes I dubbed, and also his tape with his messages from his voicemail. The tape’s not done yet. He just wants to hear what he has on it so far.

More later.

Wednesday, May 4, 1994

 

We fixed our sluggish toilet. No more having to flush number twos twice.

Last night I printed out tons of Norah pictures. Yes, I can do it all on my own now and it was so much fun. Going to do more of Gloria and others for Tom.

Sabrina and I still haven’t heard from Fran. Maybe a letter is on its way in the mail, but I doubt it very much.

We’re going to try to make and sell a computer program with me signing. First we’ll begin with those not serious about signing. Those who are usually going to school, but further on down the road, we may do an advanced one. We’ll start with simple everyday signs like in a foreign traveler’s guide for certain situations. Like if you have a deaf visitor or work in an office with deaf people.

I typed up a handful of letters. To Fran, Bob, Kim, Tammy and my parents.

Got lots of things to do. I want to clean the bathroom after the blue toilet water made quite a mess while Tom fixed it.

Gotta type up my signing ideas. Simple phrases and questions. He’s going to use the video blaster and the camera that’s on a tripod.

Gotta somehow turn that big Stevie dress from Andy into a skirt. Gotta record My Time Has Come. Gotta keep typing #3.

This is the last month of SS and SSI checks.

I was just thinking of all the shocking, unexpected, yet great things that have happened since I came here nearly two years ago between the dancing, getting a 2-bedroom apartment, meeting Tom, moving into a house, seeing Kim and Larry, learning computers, getting off SS and SSI and only having a few asthma attacks. I wish I could add quitting smoking to the list, but I just can’t.

Thursday, May 5, 1994

 

Yesterday was quite a busy day. I got up at 12:30 PM and went for a swim. I also recorded my song and typed up ideas for the signing program.

At 6:30 Andy came and brought me to his place. I drew an Indian design to give it that real southwestern look. I also did his lampshade like I did mine.

He fed me well while I was there. He gave me cookies, crackers, a hot dog, and made me my coffee.

He also gave me tons of video labels, but I have yet to figure out what I’ll do with them.

Tom was in bed when I got home at 9:30. We left each other messages, though.

I talked to Tammy and Bill’s latest report isn’t good. He’s vomiting and has a fever.

My doctor called in antibiotics. I’ve been quite congested and yesterday they called to tell me my white blood cell count was too high. Next Tuesday I still gotta go back for a re-check. When I awoke today at 11:30, I was coughing up gallons of shit.

Went for another swim today. The water’s still chilly, but I managed to throw myself in.

What will the mailman bring me today? Another batch of Bob letters?

Later...

Yup, the mailman brought me 2 Bob letters which he stuck in one envelope.

Now for my cutest and funniest news of the day. I brought the pig out to the Jacuzzi and slowly lowered him down. I could tell right away that swimming would be one of his bags, cuz he remained totally relaxed. He swam around and around several times for a good 60 seconds or so and he loved it. Totally had a ball.

Andy’s TV’s dead and tomorrow I have to record 2 soaps for him. He says he’s getting a new TV tomorrow, but we’ll see. I have a feeling I may be doing this for him for a while. Guess he’s going to try getting a loan from his parents.

I also numbered all the journals on the top shelf of my bookcase. So, that’s 1-25. I’ll do more another time. I’ve got 2½ out of my 5 shelves filled up with journals. 1-25 on the first shelf. 26-54 on the second. 55-73 on the third.

I typed a letter to my folks today and I’ll do more typing later. Right now I’m a little bored. What else can I write about? I’m just trying to think. Have I forgotten anything? I said that yesterday and today I went for a swim, right?

Next door was quiet, thankfully, but I’m sure they’ll be ruling the weekend. That seems to be their thing lately till it gets over 100º. I say let them have this weekend cuz at 80º, the pool won’t be as nice and they say there’s a slight chance for rain Saturday - Monday.

Later...

Well, Tom will be delightfully pleased when he comes home which will be any second, cuz I have a spag dinner waiting for him.

I think I hear him now.

Later...

Guess Andy’s gone to bed. I just tried calling, but there’s no answer.

Guess what? I am now beginning the typing of #4. Amazing, huh? This is the furthest I’ve ever gone with typing them. It’s so much easier not to print them out. Also, it’s much easier using all caps and no fancy fonts.

Tom loved his spag dinner and we talked a lot to catch up since we didn’t see each other yesterday.

Will the pool be suitable for swimming tomorrow? I don’t know. We’ll just have to wait and see. Today was 97º and they say tomorrow it’ll be 94º, but hopefully that difference of a few degrees won’t matter. I’m not doing any swimming over the weekend. They say it’ll only be in the lower 80s, may rain, and they’ll be out back screaming next door.

No heavy metal concerts. They’ve been great. If they have been doing any playing, they’ve kept it quiet.

Tom’s going to pick up my antibiotics tomorrow. This will really help. He said he may drop them off at lunchtime if he can get the time.

Later...

I just went to the bathroom and got my regular meds.

In a half-hour, I’m going to watch a movie with Melissa Gilbert in it.

I saw something quite interesting on a news documentary show. Stalkers on Prodigy. But how the hell do they get people’s addresses unless they gave them to them? That must be it cuz there’s no way you can get this address from either Tom’s or my membership. I think it had to do with something like a bulletin. Where people are either pen pals or looking for dates.

Anyway, they just couldn’t get this one guy to stop. I am very against the sexual and threatening stuff he sent, but it seems like a fun way to send wacky stuff without getting caught. Then again, when Tammy sends me messages, a thing comes up giving me her name and her code. So, how in the hell are they sending mail without it being able to show where and who’s sending it? I’ll have to ask Tom tomorrow.

Andy said he finished that very long letter for me and Bob. Like 14 pages or so. When will he mail it here? Who knows? Fran’s full of shit, though, when he says he’s going to write to me and Sabrina. That’s OK, I get my fair share of letters from Bob.

Let’s see…what else is going on? Not much else. Can’t wait to watch the pig go swimming again. It’s so cute and so funny. I’ll wait, though, for when I’m in the pool with him. This will give us better peace of mind. Also, he shakes water all over me, so I may as well have a suit on, rather than regular clothes.

Friday, May 6, 1994

 

I’m watching that movie now. It’s good so far.

I saw a commercial for an exercise machine I’d really like to have. Now here goes all those girlie talk-line commercials.

God am I feeling like a blimp! It seems my gut goes in and out, in and out. I still have to get those water pills.

Boy, this movie’s good. Most movies are so predictable. This one keeps twisting and turning with lots of surprises. After the movie, I’ll set up the timer to record Andy’s soaps.

My tits are sore but I’m only 6 days away from relief and I’ll be getting that vitamin E the Doc recommended.

Later...

God, are my lungs tight. It could be worse, though.

I left a note to Tom with the idea I’m about to write. Remember how when I first got here I wrote a letter to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf requesting a deaf friend to sign with? This was when I lived next to the VV butch before she pulled her shit on me. I met one woman who was prejudiced against the fact that I was on disability. Well, now I think I’d like to try again and send in another letter.

Andy’s on his way over, so, be prepared for me to possibly be cut off.

Guess who’s playing? Yup, across the street, but at an acceptable volume. I can ever so barely hear it.

They’ve been great next door too, but during the next two days, we’ll see. I won’t mind cuz I’m not going swimming tomorrow. I also may very well be asleep.

I began my antibiotics today. Last night I slept 4 hours, waking up at 8 AM. No noise woke me up. I fell back asleep, though, from about noon to 5:00. I needed it, and the antibiotics have a way of making you drowsy.

Andy rented a TV today and is coming to get the soaps I recorded for him.

He’s also bringing 4-5 Mexican TV dinners. I probably won’t like them, but Tom will. He got them from a guy who drives a delivery truck with TV dinners.

Got a letter from Bob today. That makes my current total 175. BOL #8 is just past halfway.

I may also have another pen pal from where Bob is. I told Bob that as long as the guy’s no sex offender, it’s OK. I can deal with robbery or drug offenses, cuz you know I believe sex offenders can’t be rehabilitated and should be tortured and executed. Also, I’ll accept no sexual talk. I’m just not into that anymore. Those I’ll mark ‘return to sender.’

Tom thought it was a great idea for me to write to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf for a deaf friend to sign with.

I put my note I left him in a no-postage-necessary envelope. I sent Kim Bob’s letter and Bob a letter, too. Soon I’ll type my parents and maybe Fran, too.

Later...

Andy came and got his tape. He also brought about 6 Mexican TV dinners, which I hate, but Tom will like. He also brought some pies, but they were crushed.

Yuck! There was a spider crawling on the headboard of this bed. Thank God we’re going to bomb real soon.

I finished typing up #3 last night and began #4. Typed letters to Bob, Kim and my parents tonight.

Fran called and Ricky was with him. He says Sabrina’s letter is ready, but he’s having trouble finding someone to take a picture of him. Guess he’s still trying, though. He wants more and more to come out here and said it’s cold there now and they almost had a hurricane.

Ricky called Nervous and I was surprised he didn’t instantly recognize his voice and hang up. Ricky pulled some ticket scam on him and for a few minutes, he was dumbly going along. Then Crystal grabbed the phone and she was just getting heated up, but Ricky hung up cuz he thought I hung up.

Saturday, May 7, 1994

 

I am sitting at the kitchen table now where it’s easier for me to write.

I just copied a drawing Bob sent of a horse. It was from the neck up. Mine was good, but most of his I liked better.

I’m getting sort of drowsy now and I also have to go take another antibiotic now. I’m going to veg out to music and lay down, so I’ll write another time.

Later...

Yup, I’m still up.

I killed 3 spiders and typed a letter to Boo and Max. Why? Oh just for the hell of it and to give them a life update since they last helped me out. Hopefully, they’re still in Longmeadow and will get the letter. I believe they only go to Florida during the winter.

I forgot to mention the lovely and unexpected surprise I got from Tom shortly after I got up yesterday morning. He went down on me on the couch, then later we played on the waterbed. This time wasn’t a clumsy disaster as he made it in there. I swear this guy’s getting closer and closer to cumming, but if he ever will, who knows?

He’s going shopping this morning for some stuff we need around here. We need silverware, margarine, water, and of course, food items, too. He’ll be up in 1-3 hours.

Gotta call Prodigy. I’m sure I have all kinds of junk mail to delete. Gotta shave, gotta polish my nails and whatever else I can think of.

Yesterday I gave my hair another mayonnaise treatment. It really does work well at getting the dryness out. Makes it softer. I topped it off with Infusium.

Later...

Today I got Andy’s 14-page letter. It’s pretty cool and funny. I also got a letter from Bob. I’m going to go type them up and use the disk labels to stick them in BOL #8.

Got myself an unexpected surprise today. I went swimming today and the water’s a little warmer. No noise next door.

Tom did some yard work and it really looks nice out there. He trimmed with the edger after he mowed and swept the grass away since tomorrow they say it’ll be not only windy but very much cooler.

He also brought out this little round raft which is perfect for my size. It’s actually intended for something other than a raft. It’s got 8 small spots for glasses around it and in the center, another bigger sunken spot for a thing of ice. The pig will love traveling around in that.

I typed up Bob’s 7-page letter and Andy’s 14-page letter. It’s printing out now.

Later...

I just jumped up to take my antibiotic. Don’t wanna be too late on it.

Amazingly enough, I got up at 12:30 today. Even after yesterday’s long nap.

Well, gotta go check the printer now. Later I’ll be back to write more.

Later...

I taped in my letters.

Tom’s cooking pork chops now while we’re watching the movie Police Academy.

Later...

OK, I’m back. Tom just went to bed. Dinner was good.

I cut another big baggy of lettuce for the pig.

Tomorrow Tom’s going to work on this guy Eldon’s (a friend of his) computer.

Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day and we’re both going to call my mom tomorrow night.

Next Sunday I’ll be meeting his parents (finally).

Tom went grocery shopping this morning and he picked up the vitamin E Dr. Wilcox recommended. Yup, it does help these tits of mine. Now I gotta get the water pills. Tom’s been having a hard time finding them. I think our best bet would be to go to a drugstore for them.

Hang on while I go potty.

Later...

I got an idea last night for the waterbed. I was thinking of taking the foam pad off the twin bed and sticking it on the side I sleep on. This will make the sheets cling to it better. You know how waterbed sheets are always slipping off.

After I try that, I will go look in the TV guide and see if there are any good movies on tonight or not. If not, I’ll type letters. I’ll do that anyway as I usually tape whatever I watch to zip through the commercials. That is unless I’m watching HBO or Cinemax.

I need to call Andy too, to let him know his letter arrived today.

Later...

I just typed letters to Fran, Bob and Kim. In a few minutes, I’m going to watch a movie.

I love my piggy, but sometimes I think it’d be nice to have a small poodle. Something you can run around with. Also, they have no dander, don’t shed, and don’t need to be declawed. No litter box, either.

Well, till later.

Later...

I know I’ve said this before, but I have to do something about my weight. I recognize the old, yet familiar pattern. It’s been 101-103 too much lately. I’ll keep gaining 2-3 pounds a month if I don’t stop it now. I must lose 2-3 inches all around. If my parents are coming within the next few months, I’d like for them to see I’m still thin. It’ll be fine with them and they’ll love me just the same if I’m chunky, but I prefer to be thin, regardless of what others want for me.

Late at night, they play all these commercials of sexy girls to call. That’s my idea of pictures for Tom. I’ll surprise him, but right now the VCR is in use, taping a movie.

Sunday, May 8, 1994

 

I hope Tom hurries up and gets home. Last night we agreed we’d call my parents. For two reasons. One’s cuz it’s Mother’s Day and the other’s so they can talk with Tom. I have a feeling he may have an excuse not to call. Does he really want to talk to them or even meet them? I wonder about this, but we’ll see what he says when he gets in.

Next Sunday I’ll be meeting his parents, but now I wonder if I’ll be able to be up at a decent hour. I didn’t get up till 2:30 today.

I talked to Tammy who says Bill’s doing better. She’s got a cold, though, or something. She said Larry called her. They only spoke for two minutes. He was in Missouri.

They made it sound like it was going to be very chilly today. Well, it’s not hot, but it’s not chilly either.

The pool doesn’t feel too bad, but it is very windy out. They say we may have T-storms tonight or tomorrow.

I’m very hungry now, so I think I’ll go cook some chicken wings.

Later...

I just threw in a few chicken wings and did the dishes.

I think I just heard Tom. If he isn’t back in an hour then, I’m not going to call my mom. If we don’t call my mom I’ll keep my mouth shut for a few days and see if he mentions it. If he doesn’t, I’ll remind him that he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to and he can tell me so up front.

Later...

Tom got home about 20 minutes ago and we did try calling my parents, but there was no answer.

I ate and now he’s eating.

I also talked to Andy for a few minutes. Between both of us, we’ve got lots of mail to go out tomorrow. He’s got his bills, book club and whatever computer stuff. I’ve got letters to Fran, Bob, Kim, Tammy, Bill, my nieces and my parents.

God, my face has been so greasy. Guess that’s better than it being all dry and flaky, though.

I just printed out 3 pictures from tapes but they’re too light. Time for a new color ribbon. That video thing’s so fun. When we get a new ribbon, I’m going to do some of Gloria. I’m going to do different stuff for Tom, and I have a real surprise for him and Andy both. I’m going to take the video of me and Andy performing at the pub and the Frontier and print some of those out.

Later...

That guy Eldon gave Tom an old VCR for working for him today. He just sprayed electrical spray on it, so I’m in my room now till the smell goes away. Later on tonight, I may use whichever VCR to print out some pictures.

He’s on the phone now talking to David.

I have been running a mile a minute here and now I gotta slow down.

Tom was really tired so we didn’t have any fun tonight. That’s alright though as amazingly enough, I’m not all that horny for being 3 days away from my period.

Tuesday, May 10, 1994

 

I have several things to write about, but then again, maybe I should wait till tomorrow.

Tomorrow we’re bombing this place, thank fucking God. I’m sick of finding at least 3 spiders a day.

I’m getting blood drawn again tomorrow to see if my white blood cell count is normal again. Of course, we’re taking the pig with us. Getting blood drawn won’t take 2-3 hours, so what else we’ll do and where else we’ll go, who knows? I’ll save the rest of my news for either later or tomorrow.

Later...

I am at the doctor’s now waiting to be stuck. She said it won’t be too long, but we’ll see.

Before we left we set off the bombs. Piggy’s in the car with Tom.

Wednesday, May 11, 1994

 

Now I finally have time to update. Yesterday me and Tom broke a record. He went down on me and I came twice. No one else has ever been able to make me cum twice.

I spoke to Ma a couple of days ago and she tried to call us too on Mother’s Day, but we both missed each other’s calls. Oh well. Better luck next time.

Got a Bob letter two days in a row and Kim called yesterday, too. She had me play a joke on Phil, her very much ex. He placed a personal ad on a 900-voicemail system and I called with a bogus Northampton number and name, saying I was very interested in meeting him. She’s going to reimburse us and wrote a check to Tom for $10.

She’d also like to visit again in the summer or fall and maybe go to Vegas. Tom said he’d like to go, too. That’s cool. I thought he’d want to avoid Kim.

She’s got letters on their way to me, too.

So, it didn’t take long for the blood work, then we went to get cash, then to KFC, then to Jack-n-the-Box, then home. We were gone for about two hours.

Upon getting home, we opened the place up and turned the EC on. No more spiders!

When Tom woke me up yesterday, damn was he horny! Unfortunately, I was too tired to respond.

I printed address labels for the people I write to a lot except for Bob since he may be moved out to Gardner.

Speaking of address labels, a Veteran company sent me about 90 of them on a sheet. Right before I get married, huh? That’s OK, though, cuz I’ll use them for Fran, as well as entry separators. They weren’t overly impressive. Just so-so. They had 4 different things preceding the address. Eagles, flags, rainbows and fireworks. I put the labels in the front cover of my journal.

I’m mailing Nerv tons of computer catalogs. Yup, Tom gave me lots of NPN cards for catalogs I know he didn’t get yet. I printed out 2 sheets, each of 14, so that totals 28 labels of Nerv’s name and address, so I only had to write 4 by hand. So, he should get 32 catalogs, all from different states.

Later...

Tom’s home from work now, eating dinner and getting the basketball scores on the TV in the back room.

In the living room, I’m recording Friday the 13th. They’re having about 5 episodes from Wednesday-Friday.

Within an hour or so, he’ll be going to bed, seeing how he’s been up since 5 AM. After he’s in bed, I’ll probably do some typing. Last night I used all those free labels I got, plus some of the ones I already had.

Later...

I was about to expand on my labels, but Tom and I got to talking, then he crashed.

I had several journals, especially the earlier ones, with calendars, and other little things here and there, taped in the front and back covers. I had written stupid stuff like numbers on the back and front covers, making it look confusing and unorganized. That’s the original purpose of covering them with pictures of flowers from calendars and whatever the hell else. I took off the pictures I had taped on and re-covered the confusing mess back up with address labels.

Thursday, May 12, 1994

 

They say when one falls in love (or thinks they are), they’re compensated with weight gain. Well, they were right as I continue to get bigger. The sooner I stop worrying about it and trying to change it, the better I’ll feel. So, let the fat come! This also happened with Brenda and Kacey. Yeah, well, no chance of me leaving Tom, so God can pile all the pounds on me he wants.

I finished watching the movie I taped.

I was typing letters earlier to my parents and to Tammy and I figured out how to insert symbols and special characters.

I had another idea about my weight. Why don’t I try to get fat? Cuz, you know that the harder you try for something, the less likely you are to get it. That rule didn’t apply to me with women, though. Even when I wasn’t looking I never got approached by anything spectacular.

Tomorrow I will have my period. That’ll only make my tummy a little flatter for 24-48 hours or so, so I’ll just go with the flow, do whatever my body’s going to do and not try to resist it. By August I’ll probably be 106-110 on our scale here. I’ll keep a regular log of it. Earlier the scale said 102 and my waist was a sickening 27”. The last time I had a 27” waist, I weighed 110-115. Someday I could weigh 100 and have a 29” waist. It feels like I get way more inches for the pounds. Tom keeps insisting I’m skinny and that’s fine and that’s his opinion, but what’s really important is how I feel. That’s what really counts and I no longer can as easily look in the mirror. That is unless I’m not nude.

Yesterday I fell asleep at 8 AM and got up at 2:30 PM. I’m surprised I didn’t sleep till 4:00 or 5:00 and that I wasn’t tired all day. Especially with the rain too, cuz that usually makes me tired.

Friday, May 13, 1994

 

Got up at 2:30 PM yesterday. Got 6 hours of sleep, but I’m not tired. Woke up with my period, too.

I went swimming at 6 PM. It was nice and within the next week, the temperature will be climbing. Tomorrow will be 93º, and for Saturday, 97º. Sunday & Monday, 100º. Who knows if I’ll be lucky enough to have a peaceful swim this weekend? I’ll probably get screamed out by the lovely animals next door. Will they really ever go to Idaho? Who knows, but I’m definitely going to Vegas from June 14-17. We’ll be married on the 15th. Can’t wait!

Fran called earlier all upset about that girl Annette. Tom thought it was really neat how I calmed him down and got his mind off of it.

Yesterday Tammy brought Bill home from the hospital, so that’s cool.

I wrote letters to Bob and Kim. Got 2 letters today from Bob and I should hear from Kim tomorrow. I’m sending out my letter to the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf, so we’ll see where that goes.

I exercised and will continue to regardless of where my weight goes.

Wanna go for a swim right now, but I’m sure it’s too chilly now.

Well, now I’m going to go start typing up more of #4.

I sure did lots of typing on #4 tonight. I typed 10 pages, which only took 5 on the computer. I made some spaghetti, and wonder if BOL #8 will be finished tomorrow?

I gotta take a break and lay down for a while, so I’ll see ya.

Later...

I forgot to mention that yesterday I got a call from Dr. Wilcox’s office. My white blood cell count has improved. In 3 weeks I gotta get blood drawn again, though.

I did even more typing on #4. I typed a total of 8 pages through the night. There are 53 lines per page. I think that’s 505 lines altogether. That’s a lot. Most of the shit I’m typing is either way off the wall or shit I really don’t care to remember.

Spoke to Tam and gave her our wedding date. She said she wished she could be there. Me too, but what can anyone do?

Tom just turned the shower off and will soon be off to work. Poor guy. He’s running late, too.

Well, gotta go set the VCR.

Saturday, May 14, 1994

 

I am so fucking pissed! There’s nothing like having everything break down on you at once. God just insists for whatever reason that I don’t do any computer work right now. The printer’s fucked up, so I can’t print out Bob’s and Fran’s letters. The VCR keeps flashing that the timer’s on and I can’t turn it off! I swear I’m on the verge of handwriting all my letters again! And fuck working with the video blaster!

The good news that I amazingly have is that I got one letter each from Bob and Kim today and BOL #8 is done.

Kim sent Tom a check for $15. That was nice of her. I thought she said she was sending $10.

Fran called and we talked for two hours. We got Andy on the line at one point and he had Fran call his friend Mary who’s also in Springfield. We called Nervous and Crystal a few times and they only spoke briefly and hung up. I couldn’t get Crystal to go off like I wanted her to. Nervous was drunker than hell. Lastly, we ordered them a pizza, but who knows if they’ll get it? You can’t get into their front door with no key.

Tomorrow we’re going grocery shopping. I mean today (early this morning).

I’ll probably be too tired to swim today, but who cares when I’m sure all they’re going to do is scream all day next door.

Don’t they ever go anywhere? I swear these people are home more than I am. When did they move in? November or December? Maybe even October? I’d have to look it up, but my point is that they’ve spent a total of no more than 4 days out. Tom says that if they really do go to Idaho, it’s tradition to go on Memorial weekend. So many people talk but never do, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. And also hope that if they do split, God won’t stick me with someone else’s noise. It didn’t sound like anyone would be renting cuz the guy’s going to stay there the bulk of the time and fly up on weekends. That’s what she said.

Later...

I just did some typing on #4, the only thing I can do tonight on the computer that works.

My waterbed sheets have been staying on a hell of a lot better since I cut the corners at the headboard, making straps. It’s a very hard thing to describe in writing, but it works.

I also did some exercises.

I hope Andy didn’t get killed or something when he went for his walk after Fran and I talked to him. He said he’d call back, but I’m sure he fell asleep. I still have a keen enough 6th sense and I’d have a lousy feeling in my gut if there was anything wrong.

I’ve got 8 hours’ worth of movies taped. This will be good for those days when I don’t feel like doing anything at all. That’s usually only 1-2 times a month, but it’s good for those kinds of days.

In about 4 hours we’ll be going grocery shopping.

Sunday, May 15, 1994

 

Got a letter from Bob and got a letter from Kim today.

I’m certainly going to have a lot of movies taped. Six of them, and in 40 minutes or so, I’m going to watch another. One is about ice skaters trying for gold and falling in love while they're at it.

I got up at 6 PM and could’ve easily gone to Tom’s parents' house tomorrow morning. Guess why I’m not, though? Cuz Tom says there’ll be some cousins, “ants” and uncles who are jerks. Don’t I know all too well about that one?

It was 101º today. I went out back a couple of times in the early evening and guess who I could hear? It pisses me off and it’s also very depressing. Except for dogs, it used to be so quiet and peaceful back there. I still hang onto the hope that as the temperature gets hotter and hotter, they’ll shut their fucking door. Better yet, leave. It’s better than having them right outside my bedroom, though, and during the winter they oughta have their doors shut. I never could really hear them in the back till recently.

Well, it’s nice to know the music’s quiet across the street, their dog’s quiet next door and the dog across the street has been long gone.

Also, not one spider since we bombed. That’s just great cuz by now I’d have found about 20 more.

The more I think about it I realize that it doesn’t matter if they leave next door cuz if they do, God will send someone else to irk me.

Later...

I know I’ve bitched and bitched, but I guess I just always have something to whine about with life’s many ups and downs and changes. However, next door, for example, really hits me hard cuz of the NHA. Also, the VV and CC, but especially the NHA.

I’m bummed now cuz I want to go swimming today. Well, I might want to. We’ll have to see how tired I am. The point is that I live in a house that will sound like an apartment complex out back.

Again I ask God why He insists on doing this to me. What does He want from me? No matter when I may think about having a kid, I know it is not meant to be. There are more reasons for it not to be meant to be, than for it to be meant to be, so why does He insist on exposing me to kids’ noise so much? I don’t care that it’s a fraction of the NHA’s noise, either. I want to know what the point is. What did I ever do to any child for Him to use them against me? Is it cuz I pissed off adults when I was a child? Every child does, so why me? There are enough people in this world, you know, who don’t have to put up with having their own backyards screamed out. Especially in a house.

It would ease my mind right now if I knew for sure they were going to Idaho or would shut their fucking doors.

Tom’s up now, so I’ll continue this later. He’s up early. I thought he’d sleep in today.

Later...

Last night I went through a catalog for work at home. Sending mailing lists, stuffing envelopes, etc.

I slept from 10 AM to 7:30 PM and feel so much better. Today’s the last day of my antibiotics.

Tomorrow oughta be a great day. It’ll be Monday, and too hot for them to have their doors open.

Tom said he was glad I didn’t go to his parent’s house today. He said there were 4 kids and 20 adults. All in a house half the size of ours.

He surprised me today with a teddy bear journal (#74) that was only $2.49.

Monday, May 16, 1994

 

I’m printing out shots of Andy and I performing at the Pub and Frontier. I hope it comes out OK. Andy’s going to love it and I’ll send copies to my parents, Tammy, Bob and Kim too, eventually. This will be so much fun, but right now I’ve got to go see how it’s printing out. It takes forever and I’ve got sooo many scenes of sooo many different things that I want to print out.

Later...

Picture #1 came out so-so. Parts of it were either too light or too dark. People’s faces were one big white blob. You couldn’t see much detail. We need a new ribbon. Also, Tom said he’d show me how to lighten and darken things. How to change picture sizes, too.

I wonder if my package from my folks will arrive today. I hope so if she mailed it last Tuesday or Wednesday.

The journal Tom got me is so cute. It’s so sweet of him too, and he said he finally wanted to buy me a journal without me there.

I’ll have to ask for Andy’s help in mid-June or so, to take me somewhere to get something for Tom’s birthday.

Well, let me go check on how picture #2 is making progress.

Later...

Picture #2 came out lousy, but we’ll see how #3 comes out. I definitely have lots of questions for Tom. I’m going to try to print a Gloria picture as I’m curious to see how that comes out. I’ll try more of Norah, too.

Later...

Yay! I’m so psyched. I showed Tom how shitty the pictures came out and he said it was cuz I was starting with the picture too small on the screen. He also said he’d show me how to fix it sometime. Well, guess what? I figured out how to fix it for myself. So, this is what I’ll be doing for a while, then maybe I will go for a swim.

Tuesday, May 17, 1994

 

I have so much to write about, but I am temporarily all written out. I’ll do a quick rundown on things.

I got all psyched up last night for nothing, but Tom said he’ll show me what I’m doing wrong with printing pictures.

I got 2 letters from Kim, 2 from Bob and 1 from David. He’s an inmate where Bob is and the letter he sent was nice. I have another pen pal possibly.

BOL #9 has 38 pages done already.

Wednesday, May 18, 1994

 

Yesterday I managed to stay up till 2 PM and I got as close to midnight.

Also yesterday, Tom did yard work. I even helped saw off a tree branch.

Tom brought up a very important subject. He said, “I don’t want you to feel controlled or like I’m picking your friends, but I don’t think it’s wise to be pen pals with anyone else in prison.”

He brought up some other things to consider, too. The guy lived in Arizona for 5 years, knows the area, knows people here, and is in for involuntary manslaughter which is a common plea bargain for murder. He’s right, and that’d be all I’d need is for him to get released, come out here and stalk me. Usually, the only way to rid yourself of a stalker is to kill them. I certainly don’t feel like having to go out, learn to shoot, then kill this guy. Or anyone else.

I’ll explain all this to Bob, but I think he’s just been transferred. In the letter I got today from him he says he’d like to call collect to let me know the new address. As I was falling asleep I forgot to ask Tom if he could accept his call, if he did call. He did call, but Tom refused. Oh well. He also left me a message saying Andy, Fran and Kim called, too.

In a half-hour he should be getting up, then after he leaves I’ll dust and vacuum.

Later...

I’m so tired now. Just exhausted, but I don’t want to go to bed just yet. Let’s see… what can I write about? Well, for starters, Bob called and gave me his new address in Gardner. He says it’s so much better there than in Concord. Easier for Kim to visit here and there, too, cuz Gardner’s an hour away, whereas Concord’s a little over two hours. Any mail already on its way to Concord will be transferred to Gardner. I went to the computer and opened his address file, typed in his new address (now that I know this is his last transfer) and printed out a sheet of labels.

Speaking of labels, got my cactus labels. When I’m officially married, there’ll still be plenty of the old ones left to use as entry headers.

Thursday, May 19, 1994

 

Tammy got her address labels today. She liked them a lot and I just realized the second order of mine could be out front so I’d better go check.

Nope. It’s not, but I might get it tomorrow.

Got the package from Mom yesterday of one huge stuffed cheetah, leopard, or whatever. Tom and I aren’t sure, but it’s cute.

I went for a very quick swim in the Jacuzzi today. The pig did too. Early this morning the water temp was 76º and it was almost 80º an hour ago. I may go for another swim after I finish writing.

I got 1 letter from Kim and 2 from Bob. Bob’s artwork is really improving. Kim also sent me 3 letters she’d gotten from Bob. I typed them letters and quickly chatted with Fran. They’re about to turn his phone off. His bill’s currently $1,500. Ha, ha!

Now I think I will go, after all, and see what the pool’s like now.

Later...

I changed my mind about going swimming. I could, as it’s far from freezing, but it’s very windy. I only like it windy when it’s 100º or higher.

I’m watching Donoghue now. God, guys are so horny and so easy. I can bet you that 99% of guys hit on by a woman will jump to the opportunity right then and there. There’s nothing wrong with being a whore if your partners are willing, but guys are such major whores.

Saturday, May 21, 1994

 

Today's been a real frustrating day so far. I went to wash my pillows and one came apart. The other one's all bunched up. At least it's quiet next door. So far.

Sunday, May 22, 1994

 

Well, well. I’ve got quite a bit to write about this time around. Let me first think about all the little things to tell about before I get into bigger things.

Well, Tammy got her kitten labels. Mine oughta come at the beginning of this week.

Andy and I were going to go to some yard sales yesterday, but he got sick.

I’m starting to get some color once again and I haven’t laid out either. I won’t do that ever again cuz all I do is get chased by bees and get sun poisoning.

Yesterday, in my opinion, wasn’t a good day, but it could’ve been much much worse. I woke up today with the attitude that yesterday was done and over with. First my pillowcase came apart in the washer, as I had mentioned before. Once again the reality of being trapped on cigarettes till they kill me had me bummed. Tom watched basketball all day, then we went swimming.

At one point in the pool, Tom started to initiate sex, but after a few minutes, I began to get really chilly. I wasn’t going to mention it, but it was making me so tense and rigid that I had to. He then put on the spa and I had a smoke while I was waiting for it to warm up. When it did warm up I got in and began giving him a hand job. He didn’t seem overly aroused but aroused enough, so I thought. When we went to get out he seemed bummed and when I asked why he said it was cuz it was hard for him to restart again. I had mentioned finishing our business in bed, but he just couldn’t seem to get in the mood again.

Up till yesterday, it seemed to be that we swapped shoes in a way. Remember how I was the one who was always horny and would be begging for him to initiate sex more? Well, now it seems the other way around. Guess I go through my phases with that.

Well, things are far from bad with us and both of us are still eager to get married, but there are still a few things I don’t get. When he said how he didn’t want to be held back (sexually I mean), I didn’t get that cuz he’s held his own self back. I used to think that he couldn’t cum by me but now I think he can. If he can get so hard so many times, he can cum. There were several times he was about to cum and he just stopped, so why he’d hold back beats me. I don’t want to put him on the spot, though, and ask him. If he chooses not to cum by me, then that’s his choice.

This morning he told me he didn’t sleep too well cuz yesterday was a bad day. He said he’s not blaming me for it or trying to put a guilt trip on me, but I feel that way anyhow. I feel like he’s not going to initiate sex later as a punishment for yesterday. He always tells me to look ahead, don’t take things so seriously, so then why is it still a big deal? I can understand something very traumatic being a big deal for a while, but yesterday really wasn’t all that bad.

Lastly, when I went to put on a certain shirt I jokingly said we oughta get married with me in it and he looked mortified. I hope he knows me well enough to know I was joking. He seems to be taking some things too seriously. I resent his saying I’ve taken away all the things that turn him on about me. If I’ve turned him off so badly, wouldn’t he not want to be with me? Also, I dress with my tits hanging out which is bull. There was only this one shirt and I didn’t even know it till he mentioned it. Now I’m going to be paranoid about what I wear when we go out. My body is for him and him only, but I cannot and will not live to please others. I can’t spend my whole life worrying about what they think of me or my clothes. I just don’t feel I should need to worry about what a stranger approves or disapproves of. I just hope that Tom knows that I am for him only, regardless of whatever some stranger may be thinking when they see me in public.

Regardless of this, we both do love each other very much, have way more better days than most couples, and want very much to be married.

I called Florida today, but only my mom was there. She and Dad are both going to call back this week. She asked Tom about his life in general. Tom told him about his work, being here all his life and that we’ll be married in Vegas. Ma mentioned getting us a portable dishwasher for a wedding present. Cool. No, she never went into why we shouldn’t have kids.

Well, that’s pretty much it. We both swam today and it’s been so quiet next door, across the street, and with dogs.

Later...

Well, I’m now recording the first part of the Menendez Brothers’ murder case. It’s a 2-part movie about these 2 brothers who murdered their parents. It’s based on a real-life true story.

Tom mentioned us fooling around, but we were both really hungry so we ate. I think we’re both going to be too tired.

Monday, May 23, 1994

 

Got a letter from Bob. One of the happiest he’s ever written. He really likes it better where he is.

I also got 5 returns for info on home computer work which I’ll have Tom check out later on.

Today is a weird day! Last night Tom and I cuddled, but we were both too beat for sex. He reminded me to wear whatever I want, regardless of if it’d be something he’d wear or not if he were me. It’s true that he never plays daddy, otherwise I wouldn’t marry him or be here.

The phone’s ringing, but I ain’t answering it. People always call when I’m busy. Kim called and she’s sending stamps and envelopes. Cool cuz my supply is running out and I don’t want to reorder now. I want to save all my money for Vegas.

She’s also mailing me a tape of different outgoing messages for the VM. There are people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rosanne Barr, Joan Rivers, Star Trek, Madonna, David Letterman and some others.

Andy got Sabrina’s letter and he read it to me. It’s sooo funny and he’s putting it in tomorrow’s mail (I hope).

I went for a few swims today.

Tom and I went over the business info I got. He’s going to check them out on the computer. Some sounded hopeful and some sounded shady.

Speaking of computers, boy did I get so mad and bummed! I accidentally deleted 6-7 pages I typed on and off all day today, but when Tom got home he recovered it. Andy said, “Thank God you’re marrying a genius.” How true indeed. What a heroic rescue.

Well, I’m sort of tired now and tomorrow will be a big day, so I think I’ll just go take it easy.

Tuesday, May 24, 1994

 

Just got this pen at the grocery store. It’s the same kind as the blue one I’ve been writing with.

Got my meds too, and the guy came today to do the appraisal. We hope all goes well with that and fast.

I am so tired, so I’m going to make this quick. Today was a fun and productive day. Tom and I also made love.

We had T-storms today and for the first time in a while, my allergies acted up. I took an allergy pill and I’m much better now, but very tired.

I’m going to go shut the computer off and try to get some sleep. I need it.

Kim called telling me she won’t be able to mail out the tape, stamps, and envelopes till Friday. That’s OK, cuz we got some stamps and envelopes.

Wednesday, May 25, 1994

 

Where the hell is the mail? Oh well, I guess it’s still early enough. I just stepped out to put out Bob’s letter and I saw his truck so he’s on his way. I hope he has Sabrina’s letter and letters from Bob and Kim, too. I do have more to write about, but I’m not in the mood just yet. I’ll fill you in later.

Yup, just got Sabrina’s letter which was so funny! This guy can’t spell, make any sense, and never uses any periods. Sabrina and I wrote him back and I’m sending letters to Kim and Bob. I’m going to send Fran’s letter to Kim. She’ll get a major kick out of it, then send it to Bob.

Fran left me a message for Bob’s address saying he knows people in prison where he is. I sent Bob’s address and I also sent Bob Fran’s address.

I talked with Tammy who dropped a jug of juice, stepped on it and had to get stitches in her foot. Good, God! I feel like not only did I leave the curse that was on me behind, upon coming here, but that now the curse is on them.

Today’s their anniversary, too. I sure hope their next one’s 100% better.

I called Ma and told her and she said (as we were about to hang up) “I bought you something. Yes, it’s real. You can wear it at your wedding to feel like I’m there with you, but only if you want to.”

Tom had a great idea last night. We’re going to get some dorky shirts there for the wedding.

Both Mom and Dad will be calling either Friday or Saturday night.

Well, I think I’ve remembered to write about everything I wanted to. Going to go play a computer game!

Thursday, May 26, 1994

 

Got a lot done today. I finished typing up #5 and then I typed all of #7. How’d I do that? Easy. It was only 20 pages or so cuz the old little #10 was recopied into #7 when I lived at the Vista Ventana. Remember? The remainder of #7 is being used for an ongoing journal chart.

I’m outside now and the weather’s gorgeous. It’s the perfect temp now. Not too cool, not too hot. It’s not very easy to write out here, though. Wish there was a table out here.

Guess Tom needs to chlorinate the pool. It’s a lovely shade of jade green.

I’m momentarily going to put the stuff I want to write about on hold.

Later...

OK, I’m going to write till Tom’s dinner is digested. Then it’s playtime for us.

Got 3 letters today from Bob and 1 from Kim. Got a total of 204 letters now and BOL #9 has 38 pages left in it now.

Andy called with Sarah on the line who’s playing Sabrina and I read her Fran’s letter. She was cracking up.

I was out bouncing my superball off the laundry room door when Tom came home. He shocked the pool.

So, their last name is M next door. A catalog came in their name. I brought it over, hoping that’d be a great opportunity to see if they’re really going to Idaho, or if they’re all talk. No one came to the door, though, cuz I doubt my knocking could be heard over all those screaming kids.

I’ve been playing another computer game Tom showed me. It’s kind of cool and lots of fun.

Later tonight I’ll begin typing #6. I thought about maybe typing up the quicker ones, though, first. What I mean by quicker ones is that there are a few with large print.

Andy and I may shoot again for going to yard sales this Saturday morning.

What am I forgetting to mention? Guess I’ve covered everything. I still can’t wait till we get new ribbons, but that’ll probably be after we’re married. There are so many pictures I want to eventually print out.

Friday, May 27, 1994

 

Andy will be here any time now. Of course, he was supposed to be here two hours ago, but you know how he is. Always late.

Been back and forth from the pool all day. Getting a bit more color.

Saturday, May 28, 1994

 

Tom came home early yesterday, and Andy got here shortly after. He swam a bit and we talked and he played the new Stevie single he bought on his way over here. After he left, mom and dad called and Tom and I spoke with them. It was a nice chat.

Ma says Larry’s going to be calling. Cool, but with my luck, it’ll be when Andy and I are out at yard sales.

Andy called last night with his sister Marla in California on the line. She was telling me all about her new and very impressive computer and that she’d eventually send me a message on Prodigy. Tom also talked with Marla and her husband even cuz they had lots of questions for Tom.

Andy will be calling any second to tell me he’s on his way over.

Tom’s going to go help Eldon with his computer cuz it’s trashed.

Later...

This afternoon Andy picked me up. We were out for about 3 hours. We couldn’t find any yard sales. It was kind of late for that, but we drove through some absolutely gorgeous neighborhoods.

First we went to JB’s where I ordered a pork chop dinner. It sucked so it was comped. All I got was a sundae and an iced tea.

When we couldn’t find any yard sales, we went to a pawn shop. There, I got an oldies CD and the CD Trio with Linda, Dolly and Emmylou. I have it on tape, but it’s finally nice to have it on CD. I sing a lot of the songs on that CD. At another store, I got Lush Life by Linda. Another one I only had on tape and most of those songs I enjoy singing.

Got 2 letters from Bob, 1 Bob sent Kim and 1 from Kim to me. She also surprised Andy with a letter.

When Andy and I got back here we went swimming. The pool’s the most comfortable it’s been all year so far. Andy hung out for an hour or so. I read him Bob’s letters. He also pointed out that I put the shelf up wrong that he’d given me when I was doing wall art at his place. I fixed it and I hope it holds.

Oh! Almost forgot. Got the diamond earrings my parents sent. Yes, they’re very beautiful.

No call from Larry yet. He sure won’t recognize this place. When he was last here, there were no wall drawings and that old ugly kitchen paneling was still up.

Now, I’m going to go change the batteries in my speakerphone.

Later...

Where in the world is Tom? I guess Eldon’s situation with his computer was as horrible as Tom said it was when he called him last night. Anyway, I thought he’d be back between 4:00 - 6:00, but I guess not.

Tammy says she’s back on Prodigy. She hooked it up. I’ll leave her a message maybe tomorrow. I just haven’t really felt like doing any computer work today. I’ll probably type some letters, too.

No calls from Fran. I wonder if he’s already lost his phone. If not, I’m sure it’ll be soon enough. Maybe Larry will call tomorrow, but Ma said something about Wisconsin, but that’s quite a way away.

I changed the batteries on the speakerphone. I watched some TV and there are 1 or 2 movies I’ll be taping. Tomorrow we have to get Piggy another big bail of sawdust. I mailed Becky’s birthday card out today and on the 1st I’ll mail Mom’s out. Well, I guess that’s it for now. I’ll just go veg out.

Monday, May 30, 1994

 

Well, it was on this day two years ago that I found out I’d be moving to Phoenix.

Today was a good one. Larry called, but I wasn’t awake enough to talk to him. I hope he catches me the next time.

Not much else happened today. We got more sawdust and some treats for Piggy, did computer work, and went swimming.

There’s no mail tomorrow cuz of Memorial Day, so hopefully Tuesday will bring me lots of mail.

They’ve been so quiet next door and they were definitely out today. Could they have gone to Idaho? I sure hope so, but I won’t count on it.

Later...

Tom got home right after I last wrote. He had quite a bit to fix on Eldon’s computer.

We just had pork chops and now I’m full.

Tomorrow’s the 102º day, so I heard, and it’s going to be a great swimming day.

Tom just said he thinks it’s best to get wedding rings after we’re married so we’ll have money for Vegas. I agree, but it would’ve been nice to have rings at the wedding. Why must love be so expensive?

Come to think of it, I think Larry’s just going to be calling, not coming to visit.

Well, there’s nothing else going on at the moment. I’m taping a movie and Tom’s eating. He’s on Prodigy now and I have my first of two loads of clothes in the dryer, which I guess he’s waiting for. I suppose I could call Prodigy to see if I have any messages from Marla or Tammy, but I doubt it. Tammy’s too busy, and Marla’s told me it may be a while.

When am I going to bed? I have no idea, but I think I’ll go listen to my music.

Tom just said he feels much better. He hadn’t eaten all day long.

Later...

Just got done swimming with Tom. It’s really hot out and the water felt so good.

He’s checking to see if the start of our sign language program works, then we’re going to have fun.

Again they’re not home next door. What luck, huh? I sure hope they split to Idaho. It’d be even nicer if they decided just how much they missed it and sold their house to a nice old couple. One with no little grandkids who hardly ever have company. No dogs, either. Hopefully, they’re cat, bird, or fish lovers instead.

Later...

The typing of #6 is going pretty fast. Within the next couple of days, I should be done with it. Then, I’ll be skipping #7 cuz I already typed it and I’ll do #8.

Swimming was lots of fun today and it was 105º today. They say it’ll be 102º tomorrow and 107º the next day. Wow! Summer’s definitely here. The pool shouldn’t be too chilly for the next handful of months. Even in the middle of the night, it will be extremely warm.

They were definitely gone all weekend as I said before. (next door) I still haven’t heard them return and I definitely think I would’ve if they were back. As the parents were unpacking, I’m sure the kids would’ve been screaming back and forth with them. I hope they’re in Idaho and seriously enjoying it.

After I let enough time go by, cuz I just took my meds, I’ll make some popcorn. Yummy!

Larry didn’t try to call back again, but Tammy said he called her. She said they only spoke for two minutes. He was in Wisconsin on his way to Colorado.

I hope I have a generous supply of mail tomorrow. Kim’s answering machine tapes, envelopes, stamps, and whatever the hell else may arrive tomorrow.

Going to go finish my coffee now.

Tuesday, May 31, 1994

 

I just typed a letter to Bob and have one ready for Kim tomorrow, too.

I don’t really feel like watching TV now. I watched a little while I ate my popcorn, though. Guess now I’ll go listen to some music or just veg out for a while till I can fall asleep.

Tomorrow I have to get blood drawn, meet Tom’s parents, and we’re also planning on videotaping me signing for the sign language program we hope to launch.

Later...

I am in the car right now, heading to get stuck. Lucky me, huh?

We’re not sure if we can see his parents cuz he called there and they said they were going out.

Yuck. I’m coughing up lots of sticky stuff.

It’s too bumpy for me to write now, so I’ll continue either in the doctor’s office or at home.

Later...

I am at the doctor’s office now. Amazingly there was one other guy only in the waiting room. He just went to get stuck first.

We’re going to KFC after. Then who knows where?

I just asked Tom if he had anything to say in here. He said nope. Not today.

Later...

I’m taping the music awards now. According to Andy, Gloria will be on at some point.

Got 3 letters from Bob today. In one of Bob’s letters, he enclosed a letter from a guy named Donald. He said he talked to him, warning him (Donald) of what’s OK and what’s not OK to write. I made a deal with Bob that anyone can write to me as long as they send their letters through Bob and never get my address. When I write them back, I’ll either write directly to them or send them to Bob to give to them. I know I can trust Bob’s judgment with this.

I got a package from Kim. She sent 2 sheets of 18 stamps. The kind you stick, rather than lick. She sent 2 boxes of envelopes. Each box contained 100 envelopes. Now we’re at a total of nearly 300 envelopes here!

Lastly, she sent 2 tapes of funny outgoing answering messages which I like a lot. I already put one on my voicemail. I duped them on Tom’s stereo and will soon send her back the originals. I’ve got to call Andy and let him know about the tapes and see if he wants to hear them. I’m sure he will. I also have to leave Kim’s address on his VM.

Later...

I just turned the VCR off and later I’ll watch the awards. I zip through 98% of it cuz most of it’s boring. Filled with people I could care less about.

Tom and I swam a lot today. It was fun. He has this plastic boat that’s broken, so it sinks. Therefore, I throw it across the pool and dive down under for it. I can open my eyes under water, but he can’t cuz of his contacts.

Still haven’t seen the van next door. I thought I heard a quick scream or two, but it kind of didn’t sound close enough to be right next door. It could’ve been anywhere, and all kids sound the same to me. They’re all one big scream in my book.

I put the pig on the little round raft and he loved it. He sat there so calmly, totally unafraid. Yes, he really does love the water.

Still no messages on Prodigy from either Tammy or Marla.

I’ll call on the 3rd to wish Becky a happy b-day. I sent a card with a $5-dollar bill. Tomorrow I’ll send out Ma’s card. Her birthday is on the 6th.

Tom called travel agencies today to get info. Only 14 more days left! Yup, in my next journal, I’ll be a married woman! Can you believe it?! I can’t fucking believe it! I never ever thought I’d see that day in my life. Maybe the next, if there is a next, but not in this one.

I think I’ll go watch the awards now.

Oh, I forgot to mention - no calls from Larry. He either gave up or tried to call when we were out but left no message. Oh well.

Later...

I just saw the awards. It was the World Music Awards. Gloria just doesn’t look as good as she did during her Let It Loose album and her Cuts Both Ways album.

I suppose I should shave my legs now, but I’m too lazy.

I saw an interesting commercial for an upcoming show on 20/20. Water births. They say it takes some of the pain and pressure off and makes it easier for the baby. Bet you gotta be rich for that. Water or no water, I can’t imagine something the size of a watermelon ripping through my crotch. Plus, I’d probably have to have a C-section anyway.

Later...

Starting another beautiful journal. This shall be the journal in which I am to be married in. Amazing!

Can’t think of anything to write about at the moment. Just that I’m going to go turn the computer off and watch TV. I expect to listen to music at some point, as well. My nails look pitiful. I better go cut those, too.

Hopefully, by tomorrow book of Letters #9 will be finished. It all depends on what I get in the mail. In the meantime, I will write later or tomorrow.

[out-and-aboot-eh]

Day 13 - Tofino to Victoria

It wasn’t the best start to the day when I discovered there had been a suncream explosion in one of my bags, but after a quick clean up and some eggy bread coated in maple syrup (sorry heart) I was back on track. We had a fair amount of miles to cover before we reached Victoria, so off we went making a few stops along the way, but nothing major of note. Other than to ‘Old Town Bakery’ where I got a sarny for lunch and G opted for a cinnamon bun the size of her head. She did share a bit of it with me, but it was so tasty I have no doubt she could have forced it down on her own! We also went to a visitor centre and by the time we realised there was a more interesting discovery centre across the road it was almost time to go! Google Maps informed us there was a bit of traffic on our route, so we wouldn’t be getting to Victoria as early as planned.

But before we could head to Victoria, we had to go pitch up our tents. I didn’t catch the official name but I’d hazard a guess at Redneck Camp Site. Some of our party weren’t all that impressed with the facilities, but as a novice camper I was happy for somewhere to crash for the night! We were given half an hour to get our tents up and be back on the bus. There were several outfit changes and make up bags flying around and that was just me! By the time we arrived in Victoria it was too late to visit the museum, which G was most disappointed about, but we couldn’t have got here any quicker, so it’s more an issue with the itinerary and will be reported in the feedback I’m sure! There was a lot of activity around the fisherman’s wharf, including a live band and a bit of pow wow for the local ‘American’ football team, the British Columbia Lions.

Instead of wallowing in our grief at the lack of culture we had planned to absorb, we went for a walk around the park, which may not have been as informative, but had beauty and charm of its own. There were totem polls, patches of plush grass for chilling out, lakes and fountains, lots of vibrant flower beds and exotic plants, various sporting activities and even peacocks and black squirrels. We opted for a trail that took us as far as the beach front via the world’s tallest totem pole - wouldn’t have seen that in the museum! We headed back via some of the tackier souvenir shops we’ve seen out here until Mikaela mentioned one that contained items made from local businesses, in which Georgie picked up some stickers for her journal.

We rendezvoused at a restaurant by the name of Frankie’s Modern Diner, which had an excellent selection on offer as well as good Whitehouse size portions (like most of the places we’ve eaten at to be fair!) Their only downfall was the lack of apple cider! I opted for a bbq chicken burger and upgraded the sides to poutine (the best I’ve had so far I think, sorry Chief!) and G went for Parmesan chicken with a fettuccini in a cream sauce and vegetables (and very nice it was too she tells me!) As this was to be our final dinner we presented Megan with a thank you card and a combined tip from all of us, which should be enough for a new pair of crocs!

Despite it being our last night the spirits were high as we went for a little stroll around the wharf to take a few sunset photos and then a group picture over by the Canada sign, which wasn’t as easy as it sounds! Firstly lots of people are taking pictures so you have to wait for your chance to jump in, secondly the sign is lit up, meaning those stood around it or in front of it may be blurred out depending on the phone and who’s taking the photo! After a bit of trial and error we eventually got one that was half decent, but I think the crap ones are far better for comical effect!

Whilst waiting for Little Fingers to attend a little business (after some how demolishing a huge sea food linguine) we were approached by a gentleman from Guernsey no less as he recognised a couple of British accents coming from our direction. It turns out he was there for marine research and couldn’t recommend the BC museum enough (salt in the wound!) saying it was even much better than the Natural History museum! After pulling Georgie back from hearing any more about the museum that never was, we jumped back in the minibus and headed back to Redneck Campsite, for a final sleep in our tents!

Georgie’s highlight of the day: Cinnamon bun and the flowers in the park!