#so dumbbell time it is
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The data modeling software I'm using takes a while to run and I've gotten into the habit of lifting weights while waiting for it to finish processing and? My arms are definitely beefier?? Thesis stress induced gains here we come
#local bug nerd shocked that weightlifting actually does something more at 11#arcgis and maxent hunting me for sport having positive results for once who would have thunk#I've got to watch it run to make sure it runs properly#and I can't do anything else on my laptop as it's using all the memory and will crash otherwise#and I can't really get into a creative mood while waiting so I can't do an art#so dumbbell time it is#catch me barefoot in the kitchen? nope jacked in the lab
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Pushed through sleepies to make arms work better 😌 (🥱)
#ore no kao#[ideally]#also saw my big crush and we spent a good while eyeing each other in between sets... even finally briefly talked#...except it was more a quick quip about where some dumbbells would go bc some were misplaced lol 😩#i think i'm def feeling an interested vibe but 9/10 times i want him to talk to me 😩#[ugh he's so hot in his tank cutting into his pecs lol]#anyway we shall see ig lol#also tWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB AGAIN FINALLY TOMORROW AAAAAHHH stoked
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It’s turns out the secret to being healthier with ADHD was really as simple as keeping workout equipment in my living room and letting the ADHD take over. I put up a pull-up bar and now I do 10 pull ups every time something’s in the microwave. I’ve officially weaponized my fidgeting against my lack of motivation to exercise.
#adhd#exercise#I can do a lot of pull ups now#dumbbells in front of the tv but not blocking it so I’m looking at them every time I game.#gonna have a hot boy summer#got a really comfy free flowing skirt that I lift in and it’s the best workout cloths I’ve ever had#why don’t woman wear skirts to exercise this shots so free#is this why the Scot’s wore kilts#fuck it is why they wear kilts isn’t it
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hurt my shoulder at the gym lads 😔😔😔
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SPEAKING OF DOGS since I've decided it's tradition to send pics of my guys with their pups... may I interest you in McQueen the toy poodle and Dumbbell the chihuahua+mini-dachschund...
DOGS
#snap chats#these are so important to me…. i love guys with dogs……#DUMBBELL 😭😭😭 goofy as hell name but theres also mcqueen…………..#ohhhhh theyre so cute im gonna throw up……#unrelated ramble time…. they didnt have kirby gachas today :(((( but they had kuromi and melody ones…#i already rolled twice cause Spoilers im sending one to jess but i kinda wanna try to roll for kuromi cause i got two melodies#teyre both diff but still…… BUT THE GACHA PRICES WENT UP AGAIN I SHOULDNT I ALREADY SPENT SO MUCH#we will simply deal. its ok :)#can someoje tell me why i got chicken instead of pork for my ramen 🧍 it tastes good but the pork woulda been better….
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tw in the tags and stuff
#one time my ex had me pinned to the ground while holding a 20lb metal dumbbell over my face#he was screaming at me and calling me names while i was crying and begging for him to get off of me#i remember the taste of blood in my mouth and wishing i was physically strong enough to scare him#it was one of 3 times i legitimately thought he might kill me#but he still thinks we belong together he still thinks i’ll forgive him#he still calls despite being blocked#i think i still think about this sometimes because i still can’t believe someone can change after being together for so long#but what it really is was i just refused to see it and now i’m all messed up because of that#how do i forgive myself#anyways i’ll delete this very soon but i literally talk to no one about this stuff and just wanted to vent or something
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i need to start working out again ://// i miss feeling strong and solid
#i mean i work out kind of a little bit. but its mostly just lifting lil like. 8lb dumbbells bc they make my arms look nice#and it turns down the dysphoria so good#n my job needs me to pick up and carry heavy shit all the time. but i haven't had as many shifts recently. augh. cathy AAAACK
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hey random question has anyone here ever broken their toe and if so how much does it hurt. unrelated, how long after the initial injury are normal bruises supposed to hurt and how much under-the-skin bleeding is normal
#shush slinky#dropped a dumbbell because i was trying to carry four at the same time <- idiot#its just my pinky so i dont need to go to the doctor either way lol tf are they gonna do. splint it? but its funny
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This might seem random but I'm asking bc you have a good body and seem like someone who doesn't let laziness/frustration get the best of you. I exercise a lot for body building stuff and I'm pretty good at being consistent but I HATE doing bent over barbell rows and I often skip it bc I do so much other exercises I get tired and I also hate spending too much time in the gym bc I work a lot a guess I try min max my time spent in the gym. I do other lat focused exercises which I justify in my head as making up for it (which rlly it doesn't bc theyre not compound lifts). How do you deal with exercises you hate/you want to skip. Feel free to ignore this if you want I just saw you on my dash after I finished a workout after again ignoring my bent over rows...
Oh jeesh, I appreciate that, but I certainly let both laziness & frustration get the better of me a lot so ur not alone ! 😭 honestly tho , I’ve been lifting for years now, some years better than others, & I personally am at the point in my life where i just truly do not do lifts i don’t like lol. Like to me, there’s already so much time & energy being spent in the rest of our lives doing things we don’t want to do, so if we’re choosing to be somewhere doing something we don’t HAVE to do, then we should at least not be doing things we don’t like!!! I also don’t enjoy barbell rows, but I don’t feel like im missing out bcs there are many other exercises that will exercise the same group of muscles. Heck, I’ve never seen some of the older, biggest guys at my gym ever do a squat on a squat rack — they only use the leg press! that’s not to say don’t do squats, but everyone has a routine that works for them, & i just feel like there are very many ways to work out one group of muscles, so you should just stick to exercises that you enjoy doing and aren’t a chore imo !
#like i love single dumbbell back rows tbh each hand#or close grip cable back rows are >> bcs the cable has the tension that follows thru for the entirety of the movement >>#or just do wide straight bar cable back rows with reverse grip that are also >> but i do them less bcs i like close grip hehe#and ultimately if u REALLY want to keep continuing them even tho u don’t like them at all#maybe just do them first with ur pre workout pump to get them outta the way lol#and worry about form first weight later !!! ive been doing less weight building up to more just so my body isn’t so achy all the time#& it has helped me so much#but i wish u luck on ur journey hope that ANY of this was helpful !!!!! 👍❤️❤️#sorry if it wasn’t tho lol 😵💫😭
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im having a bit of a rough night so its coping mechanism time! and because part of my rough night involving having to kill a big ass bug, im now 100% insisting that steves the one to kill bugs in the robin steve and eddie trio (ofc if nancys there they'll ask her to do it but shes not always available)
and not because of some big strong man shit or anything. he hates bugs as much as the next guy and will immediately dart away when he notices hes within "danger range". so no, it isn't because hes somehow gloriously unaffected by their presence, its because when you're alone you're the only one around to kill it, which means if you don't kill it you get the even worse realization that you've lost it.
only after having a compulsory freak-out that he'll find the nearest solid object (and a tissue, the tissue is very important) to squash it with. and since hes pretty resourceful i think he's definitely used The Tissue Box Method™ (where you hold the box in one hand with the bottom out to squish it with and you have a tissue laid out on the back and securely tucked under your fingers so the box isn't Contaminated afterwards) and also if its a really big bug and/or hes not sure if its dead he'll place one of his 35lb dumbbells on that bad boy
#so yea this post was brought to you by im up later than all of my family regularly#and i just noticed tonight that I've become the person to squash bigs out of necessity so steve definitely has too#and i wasn't sure if this moth lookin ass bitch was dead so i put a dumbbell on it and smooshed it some more#while folded in a tissue mind you#for some reason mosquitoes are the only bug i don't mind touching to smush#like i won't even smush a bug with just a tissue because the thought of my hand indirectly touching its form makes my skin crawl#but one time i smacked a mosquito that just drank my blood again my bedroom door and the bloodstain is still there#stranger things#steve harrington#and personal shit but when is steve harrington ever an impersonal subject#steddie#lowercase steddie#implied steddie#platonic stobin#squishing bugs#anyway yea fuck bugs stan steve harrington#i swear just posting this is fixing something in my noggin i can feel it#devon thinks sometimes
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work out so long i listened to three different beyoncé albums
#i changed up my routine#and i’m doing all new excercises with kettlbells and dumbbells so i was extra careful learning them and making sure my form was good#and they were all harder than my last one#so it was like#i’d do a set of 12 reps of 5-6 exercises#and then have a whole song of rest#😂😂😂#and i did that like 20 times#plus stretching#just did the last three albums#renaissance lemonde and self titled
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see i would like to dye my hair at some point, but i NEED to have a mullet before i do. so we have some work to do.
#also i’m not allowed to dye my hair at this job.#whatever. goals for next year: grow a mullet by the time i quit so i can celebrate by dying it#unrelated to this post i just did 4 sets of 12 dumbbell bench presses at 35lbs.#which means next week will be the first time ever i get to use 40 lb dumbbells <3 WAHOOOOOO
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Toji always puts you on his back when he's doing pushups, that man says you are his warmup weight even if you weigh 90 kgs, he will come into your bedroom with his protein shake and smirk like a teenager and you know what's about to happen, you're used to this. he's putting you over his shoulder to then directly put you on his back and start doing pushups, fast af too. You just latch onto his neck for dear life and he's laughing while doing his workout.
He will also make you a dumbbell for working his biceps.
Then while doing squats he will put you on his neck.
He just wants to get a good workout in but, also spend time with his girl.
You talk to him while he's getting his workout in, literally on his neck or back and he's just responding with grunts and mhm's.
He loves how you talk so much, He just loves you too much <3
#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#toji fushigro x reader#toji fluff#toji x you#toji x reader#toji x y/n#toji fushiguro fanfiction#toji fushiguro fluff#toji fushiguro x reader#ain talks🩵💙#itsafairytalekay-works#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk fanfic#jjk x fem!reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jjk fanfiction#jujutsu kaisen toji#jjk men x you#jjk men x reader#jjk men#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#anime fanfic#jjk drabbles#jjk fluff drabble
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the hilarious thing will be if me being back in school actually Improves my productivity with writing. bc i have so goddamn much free time rn, but what am i doing with it? fucking anime and crochet. i really do need to get my ass in gear for cleaning and also writing this reverse bang fic. but really. im probably going to be able to do more writing once im back in school
How, you may ask?
procrastination is a powerful drug.
#speculation nation#also me having structure and something forcing me to be up and active#im just kinda sedentary. just kinda rotting. idfk.#im certainly not thriving.#theres not enough time to get a job b4 school starts again. wouldnt be worth it either. dont need the money & i dont wanna fuckin work#really i need to be spending this time getting my apartment in order. im just shit at self regulation.#i bought. a white board. for my fridge. and im going to use it. for lists.#im going to try making lists of goals to accomplish each day. and maybe that'll help me.#i also need to get out more. visit the woods. maybe that'd help me with my writer's block.#go to a goddamned bubble tea shop (besides the one i worked at lmfao) as motivation or something#im trying. i am. i'll get there.#i should probably start exercising again. havent been biking much in Months now. that's probably not good for me.#cleaned up a dumbbell to do some arm shit while watching things. idfk. some activity is better than none.#waaaaaaaaaaaaaa i really am just a fuckin lump on a log in my natural state of being. ugh.#doesnt help that the throat bleeding disease kinda fucked me up bad enough that my stamina is... worse than before.#i can probably get it back. but man. i feel like a wasted fucking shell right now.#my general absence from tumblr hasnt been me living life to the fullest. im just too goddamned depressed to post.#nothing interesting going on in my life. and so it goes.#i'll get there. im working on it. im trying to make things better for myself.#exercise and fresh air will do me well... just gotta get some exercise and fresh air...
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Third Wheel
Dark!SatoSugu x reader
(Warnings: Yandere, dark content, dark, misogynistic language, delusional behavior, kidnapping, blood, violence, +ShokoHime x reader, choking (not in the sexy way tho), threesomes, oral!F!recieving)
Synopsis: Regardless of what Satoru and Suguru tell you, you've always felt left out in this relationship. But when you leave, you quickly find out there's no line your ex-lovers won't cross to get you back
Word Count: 7.3k
When you come home that night, they're already cuddled together, watching TV.
It's cute. Your boyfriends were always so loose with their affection. When Suguru was cooking, Satoru would lean on his back, more than happy to talk his ear off. Suguru would hold Satoru's waist, steadying him, being his anchor. At night, you'd catch them reaching for each other, trying to hold hands even in their sleep.
It's clear to even the blind: they are soulmates.
And you were just extra baggage.
You don't know how you caught their eyes, but this past year was fun. They've been sweet, both of them have. Inviting you into their lives, into their home, into their bed. Everything moved so fast, but you didn't mind. You were young and a bit spontaneous. Two beautiful men showing a glimpse of interest in you wasn't something you could pass up. This was nice, while it lasted.
But unlike them, you aren't forever. Their bond would never come close to anything they could have with you.
It took a while for you to accept that, but eventually, you did.
"Hey, babe," Satoru calls. "Rough day?" He lazily waves you over. Suguru grunts, before shifting over to make space.
Despite it all, you're a coward. You don't announce it; you just stare at them. Fondly. Yes, this was nice. You don't think you could handle telling them, though; that would be too much. Seeing how little they cared would break you.
"Yeah." You give. "Rough day."
You weave through the house. It's theirs. Not yours. That they've made clear. You're an afterthought. It's the little things. Their toothbrushes are together, yours on the other side of the sink. Their shoes were neatly stacked side by side, and yours were always tucked away in a corner. Left out. Forgotten. Why wouldn't it be like that? They've been together for years. You were still an outsider.
You only have a little to grab. You just grab your extra clothes, the hair clips you have a terrible habit of leaving around. Just a few items. And then the bedroom looks like you'd never been there at all.
When you come back out, they don't notice your suitcase. Satoru laughs loudly at something happening on screen. Suguru chides him sternly. Good. It's better this way, you think as you take your suitcase to your car. You don't need any additional heartbreak.
You make a few more rounds, collecting everything you need. Suguru only catches you when you are about to leave their house forever.
"Angel?" He calls. "Where are you going?"
He's looking at you, head tilted in mild curiosity. You manage to smile, looking down at your car keys.
"Out for a drive." You shrug. "I'll be back."
Suguru takes it at face value. He lets you go with a small 'have fun'. The walk to the car is heavy. Metal dumbbells on your shoulders.
When you get in the seat, you finally allow yourself to sob.
~
I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore
That's how you ended the wall of text before blocking them. It was the coward's way out.
"No." Utahime's quick to tell you. "It's the only way. Those bastards would've never let you go otherwise."
You shouldn't be so quick to listen to her, considering she hates them both. Still, she was more than happy to offer you her home while you picked yourself back up, and started looking for an apartment. You'll humor her for the time being.
"She's right," Shoko pipes up. Her dark circles are even more prominent tonight. You guiltily think it has more to do with you than with her patients, but she and Utahime have insisted that you stay with them.
"It was for my sake, more than theirs." You say honestly, tucking yourself into the couch. "They...don't care about me. At least, not like they do each other."
Utahime rolls her eyes. "You are blind." She says. "Those two were obsessed with you. I'm just glad you got out while you could."
You laugh, but it beats crying all over again. Utahime doesn't find what she said as funny. She chides you again, something about being oblivious before she settles down to watch the movie she put on. Shoko falls asleep right at the intermission. Her head falls against your shoulder. Utahime leans against you too. And it's nice to have friends to fill the void they left.
~
Satoru appears first.
You woke up later than you would have liked. Your eyes are itchy and red from crying all night. Utahime was more than happy to give you her guestroom, but you know you can't take advantage of her kindness for too long. Tomorrow, you'll start apartment hunting.
Today, you'd sit on the couch and eat ice cream.
When you go downstairs, you hear a hushed whisper. Utahime's by the door, using her body to keep someone out. She looks angry.
"-No one's here but me. Now get the fuck off my property." She seethes.
You recognize his voice. You aren't ready. "Have you heard anything? Anything at all?"
"No." Utahime gripes. "So go, Gojo-"
He catches your eyes. Your heart gets stuck in your throat.
He's taller than her. It takes little to no effort to barrel through her body, easily shoving her aside to get to you. You flinch, his touch burns when he grabs you, pulling you into his arms.
"Oh, baby." He sighs into your hair. "There you are. Missed you."
It's too soon. You aren't ready. You can still feel the emotions bubble up from that night, when you collapsed in Utahime's arms, sobbing your heart out. This wasn't fair. They never made it fair.
You cast a glance at Utahime. She was scowling, close to boiling right over the edge. It gives you enough strength to try to push Gojo off, but he only lets go, when he wants to.
"Okay." He smiles, reaching down to grab your hand. "C'mon. Let's go home. You had us both so worried for a sec, but if we explain everything to Suguru it'll be okay."
You find your voice then. As well as your strength. His grip on your hand isn't all that tight. It slips away when you gently shake him off. Satoru stops, confused.
"Satoru..." You start. "Didn't you get my text?"
He rolls his shoulders, agitated. "Yeah, but-but it doesn't matter."
There it was. His lovable personality. Casual careless, nonchalance. For once, you aren't annoyed by it. Maybe your grief made you numb to it.
"I did mean it," you say as plainly as you can, "every word."
He freezes. You smile at Utahime.
"Could you give us some time?" You ask.
She frowns, but she's never been able to say no to you.
"Ten minutes." She finally says, before she's marching back to the kitchen. You still hear her muttering while leading Satoru back to your room.
"I'm sorry." He says when the door shuts behind him.
"For what?"
He runs a hand through his hair, taking off those glasses he loves so much. You can't look him in the eyes for too long. It brings up too many memories.
"I fucked up, right?" He says, he sounds desperate. You've never heard him sound like this before. "I'm sorry. I dunno what I did, but I'm sorry."
You shrug, picking at the lint of your sleeves. "You didn't do anything. I just...it felt like a good point to just-"
"-Leave us?" He cuts in. "Come home, baby. I'm so sorry, just come home and we'll figure this out." You look away because you can feel the tears burn up.
"You didn't do anything." You insist, but your voice is weaker.
"Was it Suguru? Did he do some bullshit?" Satoru interrogates. "What'd he do? I'll kick his ass, I promise." You hide your smile underneath your sleeves.
"He didn't do anything either," you assure, "neither of you did."
He's getting more and more desperate. "Then why did you leave us? What's wrong with us? Why can't we go home and talk this out? Please come back, baby; home doesn't feel like home without you."
Isn't this what you wanted? A confession. Evidence that they wanted you just as much as they wanted each other. Satoru certainly did. Suguru did, too, considering how hurt Satoru implied him to be. A week ago, you might have been over the moon, too wallowed in self-pity to do anything but agree, run back into their arms, and willingly sink back into 2nd place all over again.
But the thought of going back to their home makes you feel sick.
"I can't." You decide. "I just can't. It's over, Satoru."
I'm sorry. You keep that last line to yourself because you're too scared to crack in front of him. Shatter. Splinter.
Satoru doesn't share the same sentiment. You hear movement, and when you look up, he's crying.
A part of you wants to hug him, but you hold yourself back because he isn't yours anymore, and maybe he never was. Still, it hurts seeing him like this. The piece of you that still wanted him is ready to forgive and forget. Your vindictiveness keeps it at bay.
"That's not fucking fair." He's saying through his tears, even when he's crying, he's beautiful, "You-you can't just ditch us like this. You don't get it; we can't live without you. It's killing us; you're killing us, baby." He staggers forward, in a way that makes you afraid he might fall. In the end, he just collapses on the bed. Eventually, you take a seat next to him.
He's looking around, you catch him eyeing the pile of clothes in the laundry basket. The hair ties on top of the drawer. The plushies on the bed. You think it might finally be starting to sink that that you're truly gone.
"Suguru can't sleep these days, y'know that?" He starts, a sardonic laugh in his throat. "He pretends to, but he can't. He stays up all night just wishing you'd come home. The guy is miserable without you, and you can't even gimme a fucking answer."
His voice cuts you just the way it's supposed to. You wince, feeling his words slice into his skin, finding their way into your heart. You look at his shoes for a moment. He didn't bother to remove them. Maybe that's another reason why Utahime was so pissed.
"I was starting to feel like an afterthought with you two." You speak. "I mean, it makes sense, you two were together, first. I thought the barrier would just take time to go away....but then it didn't."
How many times has Suguru taken Satoru's hand over yours? How many times has Satoru forgotten your drink but not Suguru's? How many inside jokes you didn't understand? You always felt petty for being jealous over the tiniest things, but those tiny things kept getting bigger and bigger until it felt like they'd been purposely building that barrier themselves.
You were sick of feeling like the third wheel in your relationship.
"Baby..." Satoru's voice is tinged in guilt and you can't look at him because you can feel the tears start to well up. "I-I didn't realize." He grabs your hand.
"Come home." He pleads. "We'll fix it, I promise. We'll be better. We'll do better."
You shake your head, slipping away from his grip.
"It's too late." Your voice is shaky. Please let him not notice. Please, please, please for once can his oblivious about everything but his one and only work in your favor? "You can't fix anything, Satoru. Not now."
"You haven't even given us a chance to-"
"You should go." You stand up. Satoru follows you out the door. Utahime's already outside. She catches your eyes and nods.
"Gojo." She speaks, tone clipped. "Get the fuck out of my house."
He stills, frozen like the prettiest painting in the world. His eyes turn to ice as he stares at her. Utahime doesn't budge. If anything, she advances, pulling you close, acting like a human barrier between you and your ex-boyfriend. You take it immediately, nestling into her side, taking refuge from his icy stare.
There's silence. You only relax when you hear his footsteps fade and the door slams ricochets into the apartment. And that's when you break down into Utahime's arms completely, letting her coo you into comfort.
"Maybe I am being overdramatic," you say when Shoko comes back later that day. Utahime was enraged since Satoru left, pacing around the apartment. It's only after both you and Shoko coaxed her back into the couch that she calms down enough to take a seat next to you.
"Maybe this whole thing is ridiculous. I-I should just go back and-"
"No." Shoko is immediately saying voice firm. "Absolutely Not."
You can smell the hint of smoke when she came back from the hospital. You try not to assume it's because of you.
"No way in hell are we letting you go back there after what he did." Utahime gripes.
"He didn't do anything." You argue. "I swear, I-I was just...being pathetic."
Warm hands lift your head up. You struggle, still shuddering from your sobs as Utahime forces you to look at her.
Her eyes are brown. Not as glittery as Satoru's, who's eyes shine like the burning sun itself. Not like Suguru, with his celestial purple. No, hers are just brown.
You didn't realize how beautiful brown eyes could be. Not just the color of home; the color of chocolate; the color of brownies. The way the light cast down at them made them deep and dark, like a night sky. If you looked closer, you could see tiny stars swimming around.
"Listen. Are you listening?" When you nod, her voice softens. She tucks your hair behind your ear.
"You deserve better." She insists. "You deserve better than them. So so much better. I know you can't see it right now, but there is better out there waiting for you." Her voice loses all momentum all at once. "Just...trust me, okay?"
Her desperation to be heard makes you smile a bit. You nod. Her frown loosens, just the tiniest bit. She relaxes.
"Thanks," you say after a beat. "I...I needed that. I'm glad I have goods friends."
Utahime's hands drop from your face. She collapses into the couch cushions with a groan. Shoko laughs.
"Told you." Shoko says, mirth and alcohol on her tongue.
Utahime flips her off, and Shoko takes her place. She settles into your side.
"They were assholes." She tells you. "Forget about them. And she's right, you deserve better."
You were glad they were there for you, even when you weren't there for yourself. It felt nice that they cared. Vouched, Advocated for your comfort. They made better boyfriends than your old boyfriends ever did. Their support helped heal the Satoru and Suguru-sized holes left in your heart. Every day became a bit better.
When Suguru eventually turned up, you were a bit more prepared.
He's a bit nicer than Satoru was. He actually knocks, instead of relentlessly pounding on the door. He doesn't barrel through Shoko when he spots you cowering behind her. His face betrays nothing. He's still. A polite smile is stretched on his lips. Shoko isn't happy about letting him into her home, but when she glances at you, you nod. You needed to do this. You needed closure.
And so did Suguru.
You don't speak to him until you're shut in your room. Geto cuts the silence first.
"How have you been?" He asks nicely.
"Good." You respond. "You?"
"Good."
Conversation stilts. You don't know what to say. Luckily, your ex is never the man who stays silent for long.
"How's living with Shoko and Utahime been?" He asks, "I'm surprised you've put up with them for this long. They were pretty scary in high school."
"I bet you two were scarier." You counter.
He smiles. It's soft, looks good on him. You find yourself smiling back. When you take a seat on the the of the bed, he doesn't follow. You don't know whether to feel glad or not.
"Yeah, I'm not the proudest of those times." He admits with a sheepish laugh.
It dies down, and you know the artificial barrier between you two has broken. You shift, waiting for the inevitable.
"Satoru told me what happened." He sighs. "I'm sorry, Angel. We-I didn't know how you felt. Everything was so perfect, I just thought you felt the same."
"It's fine." You assure, and this time, your throat doesn't clog up, and your eyes don't feel itchy. "Really. It's-it's fine."
"It's not." Suguru shakes his head. "You'd be in bed with us if it were."
That comment pricks something deep within your skin. You swallow, turning away from his piercing purple eyes. They were much like Satoru's. Breathtaking, you could stare at them for hours. You used to.
But now, you don't have that desire anymore.
And maybe now that you aren't so attached, maybe you could try being a little more honest.
"I was jealous." You finally admit. "I couldn't help it. I-I always felt like I was fighting within my relationship. You two were so much closer to each other than I was. Than I ever could be, honestly."
Suguru frowns, troubled.
"That's not true." He insists, soft, but something's burning underneath his tone. "Satoru and I have history, but that doesn't mean-"
"I was runner-up." You cut him off. "For both of you. Looking back, I'm not really upset. It was always impossible for anything to come between the two of you. This-" You gesture between you and him "-was always inevitable."
"It's my fault." You smile at him, hoping it comes across as sincere as you feel. "I couldn't stand being second place."
He moves then, kneeling in front of you. Eyes the widest you've ever seen them. He catches your hands in his. You let him. A parting gift.
"Angel." He starts. "We never once thought of you as that."
You shrug. "It doesn't matter." You reply. "It's how I always felt. You can't really change the way I feel about things, Suguru."
You think he's realizing that he's beginning to lose you. His grip gets tighter as if he can physically keep you with him at the very least. He shifts until he's right at your knees, looking up at you desperately.
"Come back." He insists, abandoning his persuasions. "Just...come back. At least for a little while? We can try again, can't we? Just give us a second chance?"
It's strange, they don't look too similar, but you can see the similarities. Wow, they're just perfect for each other, aren't they? Yin and Yang. Two halves; one whole.
You were always a leftover. You just had to learn that the hard way, through days of heartbreak, crying, and sobbing your heart out. It took you awhile to understand that the affection they had for each other is different from the affection they had for you.
You shake your head. His hands nearly crush yours.
"I love you."
It takes you a while to figure out what he said. When it does sink in, your world tilts. Your heart stops at his abrupt declaration and you must stare at him because why? At first, you think he's just desperate: lovebombing. And then you look into his eyes, his sincerity. No, he means it. It makes you feel worse.
"Satoru does, too, but you know him-he'd rather die than admit something like that." Suguru gives a bitter laugh, one you find familiar even after all this time. "I've always wanted to tell you but thought it was too soon. I thought we had all the time in the world." His voice tapers so he doesn't have to say the obvious but clearly you three didn't.
You want to reach over, tuck a stray lock behind his ear but you stop yourself because he isn't yours anymore. You gave it all away when you ran. Instead, you curl your hands around his in silent understanding.
You don't know how you didn't realize it before, but Suguru is less put together than usual. His hair is typically well-groomed and shiny, but now you see split ends. His eyes are clear and bright, but today...they aren't. A dull purple. Hazy violet.
He's miserable.
You did this. This was all you.
"Satoru misses you," he says, "always had. Barely smiles anymore. I don't think I can blame him."
They loved you. They love you. This was all what you wanted. Just a bit of recognition. There's a tiny part of you that's still itching to jump back in Suguru's arms, kiss him until you're out of breath 'just kidding! it was a prank! let's go home!' and then you two would leave hand-in-hand back to Satoru.
Going back to them would make them happy, but not you.
But Shoko was right. You deserved better.
"It'll get better." You assure. "You'll heal."
Day by day, the cracks in your heart start to seal. Bit by bit. It may never heal over completely, but you know you'll be okay one day. And they'll be alright too. Who knows, maybe in a couple years, you'll all laugh at this.
Suguru shakes his head and stands up. His eyes are just the bit glassy, but he's blinking them away before anything gives. It's just like him, honestly, so you're not too upset.
"You don't get it." He's smiling, not quite in humor. "I don't think you'll ever do but..." He trails off, mid-thought.
"But what?" You press.
Then he sighs and closes his eyes. When he looks at you again, his signature pleasantly cold smile is on his face.
"I did all I could, I think." He turns around, abrupt. "I'll see myself out."
You're caught off-guard by his sudden departure, but by the time you're following him, Shoko's already leading him out the front door, locking it with exasperation.
"Is that it?" She asks. "They won't be barging in anytime soon, right?"
You stare out the window, watching as Suguru gets in his car. Something bubbled in your stomach.
~
It was one of those nights. Shoko had come back early. Utahime was back from the school. You had planned a cute little evening for the girls and a relaxing night in. You had everything: wine, freshly-prepared dinner, a cheesy horror movie, and an announcement you're sure they were more than happy to hear.
You had just settled down the blanket when you hear Shoko come through the door. You take off her coat before she can even touch it, excitedly flitting around her.
"What's gotten you in such a good mood?" Shoko asks, her dark circles even more profound than before. You don't have to feel guilty about those for long.
"You'll see!" You chirp back.
Utahime strolls out of the bathroom, fresh from the shower. Her hair is still wet. You'll ask if you can blow dry it later.
"That's what you've been saying for nearly an hour now." Utahime groans. "Just tell us already. Or at least, me."
"Patience." You chastise. "But, it's a good surprise, I promise."
She's not satisfied, but she sits down anyway. They eat dinner, complimenting your skills all the while. You preen at their praise. It's a stark contrast between Suguru and Satoru, how cold they'd often been whenever you did something nice for them: tilted smiles, less-than-receptive words of 'oh baby you didn't have to'.
As you lived with both couples, you can see the similarities. Utahime's temper is close to Satoru's, but that's where the similarities stop. She's more serious and less likely to blow off your feelings with a playful huff. Shoko and Suguru share the same laid-back personality, but Shoko is always there to listen to you instead of cutting you off with condescending sympathy.
Wow, maybe Satoru and Suguru were a little more shitty than you initially thought.
Eventually, the night draws to a close. They're drunk, full, and smiling. Perfect. You clear your throat just when Shoko refills her fourth glass.
"Again, I'd really like to thank you for letting me stay." You start. "It meant so much to me to have two amazing people to support me like this. So, thank you."
Utahime smiles. "Don't thank us," she says, "again, you can stay for as long as you want-forever, honestly!"
You nod. "Well, I don't think I have to do that anymore."
Shoko freezes mid-sip.
"What?" She asks.
"I talked to my parents." You tell them, oblivious to their stone faces. "And I'm going to move back in with them, just until I get back on my feet. Isn't that great? Now, you two won't have to-"
You stop when you finally notice how cold they look. Utahime looks close to tears.
"What's wrong?" You ask.
"You're leaving?" Utahime asks, her voice nearly cracks. "Why?"
That...wasn't what you were expecting. Shouldn't they be glad the third wheel is finally out of their house? Why does Utahime look so heartbroken? Why is Shoko so quiet? What was going on?
"Isn't-isn't this what you wanted?" You fumble with your words. "Now, you don't have to share the house with me anymore. It'll be just the two of you again."
They exchange glances, and it reminds you of those secret conversations Suguru and Satoru used to have. Except this time, you can read their faces.
"What if...we don't want it to be just the two of us anymore?" Shoko starts, hesitant, reproachful like she's approaching a scared wild animal.
Your eyebrows scrunch. "I don't understand."
At that, Utahime drops her head in her hands. "Oh, c'mon! We've been doing this for weeks! You can't be that oblivious-"
And then, she stops herself. Looks at you. You stare right back, and the three of you have the exact same realization at the exact same time.
"Oh." You breathe.
"Oh." Utahime whispers.
"We're all idiots." Shoko says behind her glass.
"Wait wait. Hold on." You backtrack. "You-you two want...with me?"
"Yes!" Utahime exclaims. "Yes! God, now everything makes sense. I thought you were just trying to let us down gently, but this whole time you just weren't even paying attention!"
"No." You argue, face hot. "You two were just really subtle."
"We all sleep in the same room, these days." Shoko lists. "'Hime sat on your lap with nothing on but a bra and panties."
"I thought we were just doing friend things!"
"What kinds of friends sit on your lap, half-naked?" Utahime asks, mortified.
"I-I-" You give up.
All this time. You were mourning over something you lost months ago, even when there was something blooming right under your nose. God, you're an idiot.
Hands. They clasp your own. You look up into Utahime's pretty brown eyes.
"We want you to stay." She whispers. "We want you." You take a glance at Shoko.
"Do you want us?"
You take a deep breath.
You nod.
She's smiling, and then Utahime's kissing you. Soft, so soft, nothing like the possessive kisses Satoru gives you. It's innocent and adoring and you find yourself melting into her completely.
Utahime disappears and before you can mourn her warmth, Shoko's lips join yours. You can smell the alcohol, the slightest sting of cigarettes. You don't mind it. Her kisses are nothing like Suguru's, all powerful and domineering. She takes what you give her, asking ever so nicely for more.
You break away, panting.
"You good?" She asks.
You nod.
"Good." Shoko hums. "Cuz we're gonna fuck you now."
"What?"
Shoko pushes you down on the couch. You land with an oomph before Utahime's descends on you with a flurry of kisses.
"Waited so long to do this, baby." She's sighing into your lips, fiddling with your shirt so she can pull it off. "Weeks and weeks."
She pulls down one of your bra cups, massaging at your tits. You hadn't had action in so long, so you eagerly encouraged her movements, kissing her back with just as much fervor. Shoko takes her place next to her girlfriend, pawing at your other tit.
"Look." Shoko purrs. "One for each of us." Her soft mouth sucks on your nipple, swirling it around her mouth. Your head leans back with a pleasant sigh.
"Feel good?" Utahime asks. "She's good with her tongue, isn't she?"
"Yes," you nod, and Utahime gives out a delighted giggle, peppering your face with kisses. You gasp when you feel her hand shift through your shorts, palming at your dripping pussy.
"Poor thing." Utahime's cooing, and there's a brief hint of mockery in her tone. You've never heard that before. It turns you on even more. "They never gave you attention back there did they?" She circles your clit. "They were too busy sucking each other's dicks to pay attention to such a pretty pussy."
Shoko pops off your tits, shifting down. She kisses her way to your stomach. You blearily watch as she adjusts herself until she's right at your shorts. Utahime follows her lead, tugging off your shorts. Your panties go next.
And then you're staring down at them with trepid anticipation.
"I meant what I said." Shoko says softly. "You deserve better. You deserve someone who cares for you."
"You deserve us." With that, She and Utahime latch onto your pussy.
They're everywhere. You have to stop yourself from cumming right then and there, arching your back as one of them sucks on your clit while the other licks into your hole. She manages to stick her tongue inside of you, and it's enough to shoot sparks through your eyes.
"So tight." Utahime's hissing into your cunt. "Sho, after this, you wanna try to fuck this pussy with your strap?"
There's a soft laugh, and Shoko pulls away from your clit to answer, much to your disappointment. You whine, thrusting your hips in the air. She stills you with a hush.
"I don't think we're ready just yet." She hums. "Yet."
When you glance down, they both are making out with your clit. It's debaucherous. Their soft lips are connected, your tiny bud locked in the middle as their spit trickles down into your pussy. Utahime groans and when you look further down, you realize she's touching herself.
You don't know which part of this makes you cum, but you cum. It's the hardest you've ever orgasmed. There's so much stimulation that your hips buck up, trying to chase the sparks of pleasure. They let you, licking you through your orgasm.
When you come down, your thighs fall apart, splayed against the soft cushions. Utahime still isn't finished, licking at your clit. You shudder at the overstimulation, whining until Shoko is pulling her off of you by her hair.
"Good, baby?" She asks, crawling back up to you. You kiss her as an answer. She melts in delight.
You break the kiss, glancing over at Utahime.
Taking the silent request, she kisses you again. You can taste yourself on her lips. You don't mind it. For some reason, it's sweeter on Utahime's tongue.
When she breaks away, she stares at you, face soft. "You're staying, right?" She asks you. "You'll stay with us? Because after this, I don't think we could ever let you go."
You give a shy nod, and Utahime beams.
"Then, you're ours now," Shoko says, settling into your side. "And we're yours. Always."
"Always." You breathe, content, happy. You could almost go to sleep.
Shoko slaps your thigh.
"Not yet." She warns before propping you up. "First, I want you to sit on my face."
Hours later, you wake up delightfully sore in bed. The two girls are curled up next to you. When you move, you can still feel the bruises Utahime left. You never knew she liked to bite so much.
You can't even begin to remember what happened, but you don't regret any of it. Hours and hours had passed as they fucked you and fucked each other, and you fucked them.
Shoko shifts beside you. She was always a light sleeper.
"Awake?" She asks.
"Yeah." You softly say back.
She hums, shifting a little more to face you. Utahime's behind you, arms protectively curled around your waist. At your voice, her eyes twitch.
"Shut up." She grumbles, but her arms cinch around your waist.
Shoko stretches as she rises up. You miss her body warmth but you don't mind the view she gives as she saunters over to the dresser, pulling on some clothes.
"I'm gonna get food."
Utahime mumbles out her order. You say nothing because you don't want to come in between them, and then Shoko looks at you.
"What do you want?" She prompts.
You blink, and when you answer, Shoko smiles, and then she's out the door.
The interaction makes your heart warm.
Still, it can't last.
When you go to get up, Utahime protests, grabbing your wrist.
"And where are you going?" She prods.
You fumble. "Back to my room?"
"What? Why?" Utahime demands with a frown. "What's the point, you're already with us, now."
"Oh." You blink, but you give in and slink back into bed. "Is...this really okay?"
"For God's sake, " she hisses, but you don't count it against her because Utahime has always been a little grumpy after waking up. "Yes. We're obsessed with you. How are you so blind?"
"We want you, and we're not like them." Her voice drops in disdain. "We'll treat you better. You're ours now. You're mine."
"Yours." You repeat, something warm fluttering in your belly.
"You can't leave, we'd go crazy, okay?" She seriously tells you. "If someone else takes you away, I'd lose it. And Shoko is okay with murder."
You laugh.
"That's not a joke." She warns.
"I know." And you kiss her again.
It's like that for a couple weeks. You live in peaceful domestic bliss with two wonderful girlfriends. Now that you're in an actual loving relationship, you can't tell why you ever contemplated ever going back to Satoru and Suguru. Shoko actually talked to you about your feelings. Utahime cared about your input. You weren't treated like an afterthought, second place.
They were with each other longer than they had been with you, but they never made you feel like you had to fight for your relationship. Speaking off Satoru and Suguru, they never once contacted you after their first two attempts. They'd clearly given up.
Everything was just perfect.
And then, it just wasn't.
You were in bed with them. Fifteen minutes ago, Utahime shuffled off to go to the bathroom. She still wasn't back. Half asleep, Shoko grumbled.
"She's probably in there fighting a cockroach." She complains, but she rises anyway. "Sleep, I'll be back." She kisses you on the cheek, and then she's gone.
Their body warmth fades, but they stay because they're tired. These days, you can't really sleep without them, so you wait for the girls to return. Two minutes pass. Then, five. Then, ten. By then, the bed is cold.
You open your eyes, sitting up. It's so quiet. Are they okay?
You pull off the comforter, stepping onto the cold wooden floor. The apartment feels strangely...haunted somehow. The air felt heavier now, thick with an invisible tension, like the house itself was holding its breath. It must be because you feel alone, you're sure of it.
The bedroom leads to a dark hallway. As you make your way down, you can hear something. Voices? Murmuring. The relief almost makes you laugh. Seriously, what were you even afraid about?
The living room is horrific.
They look dead. You can't tell if they're breathing or not. Shoko's eyes are closed. Utahime's limp body is sprawled across the floor. There's blood on the wooden panels.
Suguru doesn't even blink.
"You're awake." He says it so casually, like waking up to your ex-boyfriends mauling your girlfriends is normal.
"What..." Your voice fails, you weakly try again. "What did you two do?"
Satoru answers, smiling with glinty teeth.
"Isn't it obvious? We're getting rid of the competition."
You don't understand, your brain hasn't caught up yet, you still think you can talk to these psychos.
"It's their fault." Satoru's still smiling, but there's nothing happy about his tone. He's carrying a knife. There's blood on it. "It's all their fault. They manipulated you into breaking up with us, baby. That's how these useless sluts got you into their arms." He spits on Utahime's hair. You cover your face with your hands.
"But, it's not like you aren't at fault, Baby." He points the knife at you. "You left us for them. I'm not letting you off the hook for that."
You don't know what he's saying. His movements scare you, his eyes, the knife. When you glance at Suguru, you don't know what you're expecting.
But you know you aren't expecting...that.
His purple eyes are icy cold. Utterly devoid of any emotion. You don't think you're staring at a person, anymore.
"You lied," Suguru says, "You lied about us not giving you enough attention. You just wanted to leave us. For them."
You step back. They step forward.
Those bastards would've never let you go otherwise. Utahime warned you. Looking at her limp body, you wondered if she thought they'd ever go this far.
"I didn't." You weakly insist. "I-I wasn't lying about anything! It-it wasn't like I wanted to leave-"
"Stop lying," Gojo insists. "Stop fucking lying already."
He smiles again.
"It's okay, baby. I know you'll come back with us. Right after we're done dealing with these two whores."
"You'll belong to us." Suguru promises and he steps on Shoko's hands. "Just like always."
They were both crazy. Nothing could get through to them. Now, you would sit there and watch them maul the only things in your life that made you feel complete.
The worst part is that everything was your fault.
Shoko's pinky twitches. You can see Utahime take shallow breathes.
And you speak.
"I'm sorry."
Your weak voice makes them stop in their tracks. Satoru glances at you, Suguru does too. You can't convince them. The only thing you can do is play into their delusions.
"You're right." You say, the tears finally feeling useful. "I just wanted to leave. I-I was just bored. I wanted something new." Suguru's lips curl and you quickly move on. "But-but the more I stayed with them, the more I realized...how much I missed you two."
Satoru halts. You caught him.
"I did." You stress, carefully making your way to him on feet that were close to dropping at any minute. "Every day, I thought about you two." You reach out, touching his face with shaky fingers. "I really really wanted to come back, but I was afra-afraid you wouldn't...want me back."
Satoru reaches up to touch your hand. His fingers are cold. You resist the urge to shudder.
"You missed us?" He wonders.
The lie feels like sand.
"More than anything."
His kiss is violent. He crushes you with his grip, touching and biting and everything you hate. You squeeze your eyes shut, letting him suck your soul dry.
"Don't kill them." You whisper when he finally pulls away. "Please don't kill them. Everything was my fault."
Satoru's face is pensive. His gaze drifts off to Suguru's. Those silent conversations you hated so much.
Then, Satoru gives a delighted sigh.
"You're lucky. I love you so much." He kisses your nose, before pushing you in Suguru's arms.
"I'll clean up here. Suguru, go back to the truck." He demands.
You don't fight, letting Suguru drag you away. Shoko and Utahime live in apartments, but you're afraid if you scream, Satoru might change his mind and gut them anyway. Before Suguru leads you off, you catch Gojo scoffing before he kicks at Utahime's face. You gasp and pray that when Shoko wakes up, she'll be coherent enough to call for an ambulance.
I'm sorry, you tell them. I'm so so sorry.
Suguru pushes you into the backseat of their vehicle. You obediently take a seat.
"You shouldn't have left." He tells you. "You should've stayed."
His face is cold, but his tone betrays the tiniest tremor. If you weren't so scared, you'd laugh. The irony is that he's the one who feels wronged here.
"I'm sorry," you say anyway.
He hums, not quite satisfied with your answer.
"You aren't." He responds, and you hate how well he knows your tells.
And then, he grins.
"But you will be."
Hands reach out, gripping your neck. You flail immediately as Suguru cuts of your oxygen. You can't breathe. You can't fucking breathe. No matter how tightly you squeeze onto his wrist, digging your nails into his hands, clawing at his face. He keeps you still, keeping you there as you grow weaker. Your vision gets blurry. Your attempts get sluggish. There's a kiss on your forehead, and you black out completely.
~
You wake up in a room you've never seen before. And your neck is sore.
The pain drifts in as soon as consciousness does. You feel like you have a hangover, your head throbs, your eyes struggle to remain open. You can't go back to sleep either, not when it hurts so much.
The panic doesn't settle in until you catch the cuffs on either one of your legs, keeping you attached to the bedpost. Silver chains, with enough lead to let you move around a bit. The cuffs are padded so you don't rub yourself raw. You don't care about the thoughtfulness.
They're in the room with you, watching with silent eyes. Nausea builds up in your stomach, and you wonder how long they'd stayed there, just watching you.
You miss Shoko. You miss Utahime. You missed people who actually loved you.
Not these two. Monsters that lied and pretended, but deep down, they were just too selfish to share.
"You were out for a while." Suguru comments.
"I told you to use the syringe," Satoru remarks, but he doesn't sound too upset. At his voice, Suguru laughs.
You shift in your spot. Suguru takes that as an invitation. He sits at the edge of the bed, watching you with satisfied eyes. You must look pathetic: shivering, in tears. He reaches up, catching your tears with his finger.
"So cute." And then he frowns. "You know why we're doing this, yes? You were bad. You need to be punished."
"I'm sorry." It's all you can say. You feel like a broken record, doomed to repetition over and over again.
"You aren't. You should stop lying." Suguru says sweetly. "But I'm sure, a couple hours in your new home will help you think about how much you hurt us."
You wanted to scream, but you can't cuz your throat still hurts from Suguru's hands, and you know he's not above putting his hands on you this time. Maybe he never was, you just never saw this side of him until you made him snap.
"You're leaving?" You stumble, moving as they back away but the chains only take you so far. There are no windows, and when Suguru shuts the light off, the only thing that's keeping you from the dark entirely is the light emitting out the hallway.
"Wait." You beg. "Please. Wait, don't-don't leave me here. I'm sorry. This is scary. I'm scared."
Satoru hesitates at your broken voice. Like a shark smelling blood, you pounce.
"Satoru, please."
"If you keep coddling, then the lesson will never be learned." Suguru warns.
Satoru stares at you. He's not wearing his sunglasses. You can see him for what he is now.
"I love you." He says it so sincerely, you almost believe it. "This is for your own good."
The door shuts, and everything goes dark.
#yandere jjk#yandere#dark jjk#dark gojo satoru#dark content#yandere gojo satoru#x reader#yandere x reader#yandere gojo x reader#yandere jjk x reader#yandere geto suguru#yandere geto suguru x reader#dark geto suguru#shoko ieiri x reader#utahime x reader#yandere satosugu#dark satosugu#yandere scenarios#shokohime x reader
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Meeting with lab supervisor. Crunch time for project I am responsible for. The words CAREER KILLING* were uttered. No pressure! No pressure! No pressure! No pressure!
*it is NOT my career on the line. Which is WAY WORSE. BY THE WAY
#WHAT THE FUCK!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!#hey so people in research fields. please message me and tell me if this is what it's like all the time. there is a 200lb dumbbell#in my stomach. and i feel like i am going to sweat my skin off#I was already on the fence about going into research. Nay- SURE i dont want to go into research#but if i didnt have my mind made up already this sure as hell did it for me
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