#so does 2am azzie apparently

[onceazzie]

LITERALLY crying cause i opened my dungeon meshi notion page (which is called mungeon deshi cause i made it at like 2am) and there was one page called "sometimes a family is a lesbian and a bagel". ???

wjat the fuck. why is this here. what was it supposed to be? it's empty save for the title and i have no recollection of making it. something tells me it might have been a mom marcille and izutsumi fic but i don't know because i was DEAD FROM SLEEP DEPRIVATION...

[obey-me-headquarters]

Chinchilla Asmodeus! For the idea of him being a breeding pet!

Chinchilla's are hella expensive and a bit difficult to breed, with high infertility rates! But not our poor Azzy!

Not only that, but female chinchillas only go into heat for two days so if Asmodeus has to breed he only has two days to work his magic. Only two days with his "mate" :( if they aren't in heat they push him off so he can't mount them.

Chinchillas also apparently have a caste system, kinda? Like who's dominant pecking order shit. I just imagine Asmodeus is the dominant one out of everyone there. You assert dominance by biting, scratching, peeing on each other (they flick urine as a way to tell whatever is annoying them to go away) and...humping?? So he meets you and starts humping your leg and you're just like 😶 which makes him go "Oh shit, they're in charge here"

His owners got rid of him because it's impossible to inbreed chinchillas because the seed won't take/almost all inbred chinchillas die early or have some major deformation

You find Asmodeus looking kinda sickly and exhausted looking but eager. He's also missing fur because chinchillas hair falls out when stressed so if something grabs them they can try to get away :(

I can just imagine how soft his fur? Hair?? is ajfhwuja hhhhh and shit he'd be so proud of his..coat?? I can just imagine him trying to have a dust bath in the most sexy way possible as his owner is standing there like "Yup. I'm gonna have to sweep the floor after this."

Male chinchillas make chirping noises and do this funky butt wiggle thing so I can just imagine him tweaking at his owner with a complete straight face as they try to get work done.

Chinchilla Asmodeus does not believe in shirts and has a rivalry with any stuffed animals you have. They're soft and don't react to him humping them, which is very frustrating.

He also whines a lot. A lot. Hes mostly nocturnal but man, this bad boy can fit so many high pitch noises.

Ahhhh ong this ask is so cute! I absolutely love the idea of Chinchilla Asmo! Since Chinchilla's are so hard to breed, but Asmo is one of few that's able to get anyone pregnant, I imagine he puts a lot of self worth into the idea of him being breedable. Like, the only reason he's getting all this attention and nice things is because he fucks a lot. So that's why he tries to play it up. He tries cutesy and spends a lot of time grooming because he Has to look fuckable, and his mates Have to want him, because if he can't do right, what's he good for then?

Also the two day time limit is very sad! Imagine getting a mate and having them be in hate, so they're all cuddly and wants to be near him to fuck him, but right after their heat ends they're pushing him off of them and doesn't want anything to do with him.

Also I did not know that Chinchillas have a caste system! That's very cool. I bet that's one of the reasons Asmo had a hard time getting adopted, because every time he got bought into a new home he would pee everywhere, and tries to hump his new owners. So everyone keeps bringing him back.

It isn't until you get him and is completely unaffected by him trying to dominate you does he realize *you're* in charge.

Also I love the metal image of Asmo trying to look all sexy in a sand bath. Posing dramatically and puffing up sand. And your just sitting there like :l guess I'm gonna need to vacuum...

Honestly a lot of your head canons for having Asmo as a pet are just very hilarious lol. You gift him a teddy bear to cuddle at night and now he has a Rival. Asmo not believing in shirts so in the winter he cranks the heat WAY up and you're just like "Asmo.... honey.... sweetheart.... I am Dying."

Also also!! Him being nocturnal!! When you wake up to go to work he's completely dead to world, and when you come home he's still kinda of sleepy. Just at 2am? Oh he's Energized. Definitely zooms around the house. Frequently you would wake up to go to work and see that the living room got completely reorganized when you were asleep.