#so do I go on a weight loss journey so I can get my chest lopped off?

[dyke-dyke-goose]

the parasites in my head telling me to get top surgery are getting louder and louder

[brainddeadd]

Grief

Matt Rempe x fem!reader

Warnings: mentions of death

So this one is personal to me. My father died a few years ago, and I'm still on my recovery journey.

I learnt that Matt had also lost his dad and thought that he would have a unique perspective on grief.

I've always thought that it would suck to have someone I love and care for be suffering grief the way I am, but at the same time, it would be so comforting to have someone who understands.

I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but going through it alone is agonising.

The living room was draped in an unsettling stillness, the kind that made every breath feel thick and heavy. The loss hung in the air, too big to name. You sat on the couch, knees drawn up to your chest, staring blankly at nothing in particular. The grief was still fresh, a raw ache that gnawed at your insides, leaving you feeling hollow and disconnected from the world around you.

Your father was gone. You couldn’t even begin to process the weight of that.

Matt had come home immediately after getting the news. He hadn’t left your side since, not even for a moment. Now, he sat next to you, his quiet presence offering a comfort words couldn’t reach. You hadn’t said much since you’d heard, and Matt hadn’t pushed you to speak either. He knew. He understood.

You felt him shift beside you, his hand finding yours and holding it firmly. His thumb traced slow, gentle circles on the back of your hand, grounding you in a way nothing else had since you’d gotten the call. You blinked, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in your throat, but the tears came anyway, hot and fast. You hadn’t been able to stop crying since it happened, and every time you tried to speak, your voice would break.

Matt’s arm slipped around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest, your face pressing against the soft fabric of his shirt. You could feel the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek, and the rhythmic rise and fall of his breathing as he held you close.

“I know it hurts,” he whispered softly into your hair. “More than anything.”

You let out a shaky breath, the weight of his words resonating with you in a way that made your chest tighten. Matt’s father had passed away years ago—he knew this pain. He knew the ache of losing someone who was supposed to be there forever.

“I don’t know how to do this,” you choked out, your voice breaking as tears began to flow freely once more.

Matt pulled back slightly, his blue eyes soft and full of understanding. He brushed your tears away with the pad of his thumb, his touch gentle but sure. “You don’t have to figure it all out right now,” he said softly. “It’s okay to not know how to feel. To not know what to do. Grief isn’t something you can plan for.”

You nodded, swallowing hard. “I just… I didn’t think it would hurt this much. I didn’t expect it to feel like this.”

Matt took a deep breath, his arm tightening around you protectively. “When I lost my dad…” he paused, his voice thick with emotion, “I didn’t know how to handle it either. There were days when it felt impossible to get out of bed, to move forward. But it gets better—slowly. You learn to live with the pain, and eventually, you find your way through it.”

His words were raw, spoken from a place of deep understanding. He wasn’t trying to fix it or make the pain go away—he knew that wasn’t possible. But in sharing his experience, in showing you that he had been there too, he offered a kind of comfort that no one else could.

“I miss him already,” you whispered, your voice small and fragile. “I don’t even know how to begin to say goodbye.”

Matt’s hand found the back of your head, his fingers threading gently through your hair. “You don’t have to say goodbye yet. Take it one day at a time. There’s no right way to grieve. I’ll be here with you through every step.”

The tears kept falling, but you felt a shift inside you—a small crack in the numbness. Matt’s presence was more than comforting; it was a lifeline. He understood the darkness you were stepping into because he had walked through it before. And knowing that he had made it to the other side, even with the scars, gave you hope.

“I wish you didn’t know what this feels like,” you whispered, pressing your face back into his chest.

Matt sighed softly, his hand still stroking your hair. “I wish you didn’t have to go through it at all. But you’re not alone, okay? You’ll never be alone in this.”

You nodded into his chest, letting the steady sound of his heartbeat calm the storm inside you. The weight of the grief hadn’t lifted, but with Matt by your side, you felt like you could take on just a little bit more of it.

Eventually, the tears slowed, and the exhaustion of the day began to settle over you like a heavy blanket. Matt shifted beside you, pulling you down with him so that you were both lying on the couch, your head resting on his chest. He kept his arms wrapped around you, his warmth and steady presence making you feel safe, even as the grief continued to swell and recede like a tide.

“We’ll get through this together,” Matt whispered, his lips brushing your forehead. “I promise.”

You closed your eyes, his heartbeat a soothing rhythm beneath you. And for the first time since your father passed, you believed him.

[live-laugh-legolas]

Hi! Could you write something set during the first night after the fellowship left Lothlorien in which Gimli is still dealing with the entire Moria situation and sneaks off into the woods to basically cry a binch while the rest of the fellowship is sleeping but Legolas joins him and cue hugs and crying, the more the better (maybe they sleep while hugging). It can be romantic, but I would prefer platonic. Thanks.

This is so sweet and I’m such a sucker for hurt/comfort so this feels like a good prompt to try writing my first one shot. I’m going to put extra emphasis on the fact that I’ve never written a one shot before so set reasonable expectations lol. I also have no idea what to title this so if there is any better suggestions lmk :)

The Weight of Moria

(Gimli x Legolas)

They have only been on the river for one day now. Although the group feels slightly rejuvenated from their time in Lothlorien, the weight of losing Gandalf and having to face the rest of this journey without his guidance is still heavy. Frankly there hadn’t been much time to really work through everything they’ve seen. There is not time to dwell on the past with orcs on your tail; when one misstep could very well cost them the quest, and in turn, their world. So when they set up camp for the night it is very quiet. It’s their first night in the wild without their wizard. Even Pippin who is usually full of energy cannot find it in him to speak.

They have all experienced a loss together, it is a shared grief. However Gimli can’t help but find his mind wandering to the Mines he had been so excited to enter.

He had never been into the famed mine before but he knew he would be welcomed warmly. He thought he could share a bit of dwarvish culture to his companions as they had gotten to experience that of the elves. And to be honest he was homesick. Despite their journey having just begun, it has been hard and he longs for the comforts of home.

Even after first entering Moria to find the mine seemingly deserted he would not abandon hope that his kin would be further in the mines. But you know the story, this was not the case. The dwarves of Moria were long gone from this world. In the mines he went through denial and anger. He bargained in Lothlorien, during so he even fooled himself into thinking he was alright.

But now sitting around a fire with his new friends he finds the camaraderie suffocating. He looks at the group and cannot muster any hope. He sees the faces of his kin scared and trapped, awaiting death. Because that’s what they are doing aren’t they? This quest is impossible at best.

He finds he cannot breathe. His chest will not expand and he feels an unfamiliar shake in his hands. He gets up and silently excuses himself before speeding off into the dark forest. Had he been thinking logically he would not have gone so far, but he isn’t. He eventually collapses on the ground gasping for breath, breath that keeps being stolen from him by choked sobs. He cannot feel anything more than the burden of his grief, never has he felt so depressed and without hope.

He does not know how long he stayed there before his spiraling is interrupted by a gentle hand on his shoulder but he cannot find it in him to look up. He vaguely registers a voice speaking to him and a man sitting down next to him. As proud as dwarves are, they are not ones to hide their emotions, so he doesn’t make much of an attempt to stop them. But the quiet presence remains next to him.

As he starts to calm he looks over slightly to see the pants of the only elf in their group; go figure

“Can’t a dwarf cry in peace?”

“Not if he wanders so far from camp” Legolas says in a gentle jest, mirroring the tone Gimli took with him.

Gimli sighs and slumps back over slightly “my mind was elsewhere”

Despite their differences and their strained relationship Legolas does care about the dwarf even if he isn’t sure he wants to admit it. He rests his arm over the shoulder of the dwarf in a half hug, allowing space should Gimli wish to pull away, but when he doesn’t, he allows his grip to tighten.

“You needn’t dwell in your sorrow alone. I cannot fully understand your pain, but I do know the weight of loss and that it is much easier to bare if the weight is shared”

Gimli looks up at Legolas, finding nothing but sincerity and compassion in his eyes, “thank you”

They stay there a little longer as Gimli collects himself, finding a quiet solace with each other’s company that they would never have predicted could exist. But they can’t stay forever so Legolas stands and offers Gimli his hand.

“Come, let us return to the others”

Gimli lets himself be pulled up and nods in gratitude to the elf. As they walk back to camp Gimli finds himself feeling comforted, finding acceptance in the losses and a renewed feeling of hope for their journey. Maybe this elf isn’t the worst…just maybe.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Well that’s the first one shot I’ve ever written and idk how I feel about it lol. One thing I’ve learned is I don’t know how to write dialogue, like at all.

I’d really appreciate some feedback as I personally feel like I may have drawn out the beginning and rushed the actual interactions at the end which feel kinda sloppy to me but maybe I’m overthinking idk.

I hope this fulfills the request enough, ik I didn’t include much hugging or comfort so I apologize if it’s not what you wanted, but I personally just couldn’t imagine much more at this point in their friendship without it feeling a bit ooc. There is nothing wrong with ooc, but I personally prefer to avoid it as much as I can to give myself a little structure :)

[zapreportsblog]

Hello I love your writing. Would like to request a gem reade/Marcus

We all know Marcus lost his mate so when he sees the new intern secretary come in after the last one got eaten. He’s so moved and thankful that he has a new mate 🥹🥺 my man was dead inside and after centuries this sweet juman that’s so innocent and caring now is his mate 🥺 I jus want them to go on romantic date on one particular nigh they are talking about literature and his lif e on a moonlight stroll. The night ends with them having a passionate night together. Fem reader was shy but Marcus is a wonderful lover and she’s so happy to be with him. Her last partner had been so abusive she feared falling in love again but Marcus was so attentive,protective and romantic 🥹

Awww poor baby is getting the happiness he needs

❝nothing like what I imagined❞

✭ pairing : marcus volturi x reader

✭ fandom : twilight x reader

✭ summary : the moment he laid eyes on her he knew she was his second chance at life, it’s unheard of vampires having second mates but now that’s he’s found his he will do all that he can to make sure she knows she is loved

✭ authors note : this song was definitely heavily inspired by the song “baby I’m yours”

✭ twilight masterlist

In the dimly lit corridors of the Volturi castle, Marcus moved with an air of quiet contemplation. His presence was often overlooked by those who were consumed with their own ambitions and intrigues. Yet, his gift of sensing emotional ties among individuals allowed him a unique perspective on the world around him.

One day, as he made his way through the grand hallways, his attention was drawn to the entrance of the castle. There, a new intern secretary had just arrived, replacing the previous one who had met a gruesome end. Marcus watched from a distance, his crimson eyes focused on the young woman who had captured his attention.

The moment their eyes met, a surge of emotion flooded through Marcus. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced in centuries, a deep and powerful connection that reached beyond his usual sense of emotional bonds. He stood there, rooted to the spot, as he realized the truth—this young woman was his mate.

His heart, which had long been dormant, seemed to awaken within his chest. The mate bond between them was stronger than anything he had felt before, a tether that bound them together across time and space. Marcus was moved, both surprised and thankful, that fate had granted him another chance at love.

As he watched her navigate her new role within the castle, he kept his distance, his emotions a mixture of anticipation and restraint. He knew the dangers that surrounded them all, the complexities of their world that often led to heartbreak and loss. But this time, he was determined. He silently promised himself that he wouldn't allow history to repeat itself.

Over the days that followed, Marcus observed her from afar, a mix of longing and caution in his gaze. He kept his new discovery hidden, knowing that revealing such a bond could attract unnecessary attention. He continued to perform his duties, all the while his thoughts and emotions were intertwined with hers.

As time passed, Marcus found himself drawn to her presence more and more. The connection between them grew stronger with each passing day, a force that couldn't be denied. He felt the weight of centuries lifting from his shoulders, replaced by the hope and possibility of a future he had thought he might never experience again.

In the shadows, Marcus remained patient, his love and determination hidden beneath his stoic exterior. He knew that their journey would be filled with challenges and obstacles, but he was prepared to face them all. For in this young intern secretary, he had found his mate, a connection that transcended the darkness of their world and promised a new chapter in his immortal existence.

As the days passed and Marcus's connection with (y/n) grew stronger, he found himself unable to suppress his feelings any longer. He knew that he had to tell her the truth—the truth about the mate bond that bound them together. He couldn't deny the intensity of his emotions, the longing he felt for her presence.

One evening, as the sun set and cast warm hues across the grand halls of the Volturi castle, Marcus found (y/n) in a quiet corner of the library. He approached her with a mix of anticipation and trepidation, his crimson eyes focused on her as he cleared his throat.

"(y/n)," he began, his voice a gentle rumble, "may I speak with you?"

Startled, she looked up from the book she had been reading, her gaze meeting his. A blush crept across her cheeks as she nodded, her fingers nervously clutching the pages of the book.

"Of course, Master Marcus. What can I do for you?" she asked softly.

He took a moment to gather his thoughts, his emotions swirling within him. He reached out to gently take her hand in his, a silent gesture of comfort and connection.

"I want to share something with you," he said, his voice low but steady. "Something that has been on my mind since the day you arrived."

Her heart began to race, her curiosity piqued. She looked into his eyes, sensing that there was something significant he was about to reveal.

"You see," Marcus continued, "when I first laid eyes on you, I felt a bond—a deep and powerful connection that goes beyond what I've experienced before. (y/n), you are my mate."

His words hung in the air, a confession that held weight and meaning. Her eyes widened, her heart pounding within her chest. Her past experiences had left her cautious and guarded, especially when it came to matters of the heart.

"I understand if this is overwhelming," Marcus said gently. "But please know that I am not like your previous partner. I am not here to hurt you. I want to protect you, to be there for you in every way that I can."

She bit her lip, her emotions conflicting within her. She wanted to believe him, to trust that he meant what he said. But the fear of being hurt again held her back.

Marcus could sense her hesitation, her inner turmoil. With a soft sigh, he continued, "I understand that this is a lot to take in. Perhaps we can take it slow, allow our bond to grow at a pace that you are comfortable with. You have my word that I will always respect your feelings and your boundaries."

Touched by his sincerity and understanding, (y/n) felt a warmth spread through her chest. She looked into his eyes, searching for any signs of deceit. But all she found was honesty, vulnerability, and a genuine desire to make her feel safe.

"Thank you, Master Marcus," she said softly, her voice laced with emotion. "I appreciate your patience and understanding. I'm just... trying to navigate through my own fears."

“Please just call me Marcus,” he says before nodding and giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I will be here every step of the way, (y/n). We will face this journey together."

As the evening continued, they sat together in the library, sharing stories and getting to know each other. The library's soft ambiance provided a comforting backdrop to their conversation, and in that moment, they both realized that their bond was something worth exploring—a connection that held the promise of healing and a love that could stand the test of time.

After a few weeks of talking in secret Marcus got (y/n) to agree to a date. So now under the shimmering moonlight, Marcus and (y/n) strolled along a cobblestone path, their steps accompanied by the gentle rustling of leaves in the night breeze.

The stars adorned the velvety sky like diamonds, casting a soft glow over the surroundings as if nature itself was setting the stage for their romantic evening.

As they walked, their conversation flowed seamlessly from topic to topic. They spoke about literature, exchanging thoughts on classic novels and sharing their favorite authors. Marcus shared stories from his long life, giving (y/n) glimpses into different eras and cultures he had witnessed.

"I've always found solace in the words of poets and authors," Marcus said, his voice carrying a hint of nostalgia. "Literature has a way of capturing the human experience, of transcending time and connecting us to the emotions of those who came before us."

"I completely agree," (y/n) replied, her eyes sparkling as she listened to his words. "It's like stepping into different worlds and experiencing a multitude of emotions through the characters' journeys."

As the night deepened, they found themselves by a tranquil pond, its surface reflecting the moon's silvery glow. They settled on a comfortable spot beneath a tree, where a blanket had been laid out for them. A bottle of wine and glasses were placed nearby, casting a warm and inviting ambiance.

"(y/n), would you like some wine?" Marcus asked, pouring a glass for himself.

She nodded with a smile, accepting the glass he offered. They clinked their glasses together before taking a sip, the taste of the wine mingling with the atmosphere of the night.

Their conversation continued, becoming more intimate as the wine flowed. The air was filled with laughter and shared stories, their connection growing stronger with each passing moment.

As the night wore on, (y/n)'s cheeks grew flushed from the wine, and she looked at Marcus with a mixture of boldness and vulnerability.

"Marcus," she began, her voice soft and slightly slurred, "I've been wondering... Do you feel an attraction towards me?"

Marcus met her gaze, his eyes reflecting the moonlight. His lips curved into a gentle smile, and he nodded. "Yes, (y/n), I do."

Flushed and slightly flustered, she took a deep breath. "Well then... I'm not sure how to say this... But, Marcus, I want you to take me."

Marcus's eyebrows furrowed in surprise, his expression a mix of concern and curiosity. "Take you where, (y/n)?"

Her gaze remained steady as she said, "Take me, Marcus. I may be a little drunk, but my mind is clear enough to make this decision. I want to feel loved."

A moment of silence hung in the air as Marcus absorbed her words. He placed his glass aside and gently took her hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring.

"(y/n)," he says, his voice so soft that her name barley comes out as a whisper.

There was a sense of both nervousness and excitement that filled the air as Marcus leaned in closer and gave (y/n) a gentle kiss on her forehead. His touch felt warm and comforting, and (y/n) could feel her heart beating faster as their lips met.

His hands gently traveled down her body, exploring her curves and curves until he gently caressed her body and they embraced each other tightly.

Their passionate kisses were filled with so much emotion and desire as Marcus was a gentle, loving, and attentive lover. He explored every inch possible of (y/n)'s body with kisses and caresses, and as their bare skin met, (y/n) felt as if she was being surrounded by a powerful, consuming love.

“Come, not here.” He says scooping her up into his arms quickly and whisking them away to his bedroom. The bedroom door had just barely been closed before (y/n) found herself on the bed eyes wide and cheeks flushed red as she stared up at the towering volturi leader before her.

“If I’m to take you, then I must do it right.”

[kakairuficfinder]

Personal Favorites

These are the KKIR fics that really resonated with me. I hope you love them as much as I have.

The Last Mission by Flailinginlove [M, 69K]

When a badly burnt body wearing Iruka's dog tags is found just inside Fire Country's borders, Tsunade demands answers. Kakashi's tags are a heavy weight against Iruka's chest as he tells her about the relationship they've kept hidden for years, the one he'll have to start referring to in the past tense. It isn't until he gets home that he notices something engraved on the charred metal of his tags: a coded, one-word message meant just for him. It's the only clue he has, not much to go on, but that won't stop him from doing everything he can to bring Kakashi safely home.

Icha Icha Nights by Adelaida, anniemaar, flailinginlove [E, 50K]

A foolish bet is going to get Iruka and his friends killed if he can't find a way to save them from the ruthless king who has imprisoned them. Each night he tells the king stories to buy them more time, but in between the lewd tales he spins, he discovers that not all of his friends are what they seem and neither is the king.

Anata by TumblingTroublesomeTumbleweeds [E, 55k]

Kakashi has decided to stealth date his way into Iruka’s future. … Snapshots of Kakashi and Iruka being totally married even though Iruka doesn’t exactly realize that they’re totally married. Neither does the rest of Konoha. But Kakashi does.

My Yakuza Boyfriend by decaf_kitty [E, 55k]

Kakashi Hatake is a disgraced cop with no options left. So he joins the local yakuza family. His boss, Iruka Umino, is beautiful and dangerous. Of course, Kakashi falls in love with him the instant they meet.

The Shinobi Bachelor by PerfectNezumi [T, 66K]

The Elders want Kakashi to produce a heir to his bloodline, so Tsunade sets up a competition for him to find his soulmate.

Uncomplicated by wizardinblack [E, 63K]

After a rough break up Iruka turns to the world of online dating in a desperate attempt to get laid. He meets Kakashi and things are totally great and not complicated at all!

(Run) Far Away from Home by chuchisushi [T, 31K]

A Princess Mononoke AU: It's a long journey west for a cursed former-prince, and he finds nothing for his troubles except a bloody war, a beautiful man raised by wolves, and a new beginning.

Love, Karate, and the Things We Lose to Find Ourselves by nbdweeb [M, 49K]

After years of working as a child and family social worker, Iruka Umino decided he was ready to start a family of his own, and his college sweetheart turned husband Mizuki Touji was cautiously along for the ride. When an emergency case came across his desk one day, Iruka knew he'd met his son. That's how two year old Naruto found his way into their lives, and for a brief moment, Iruka held everything he'd ever wanted in the palm of his hand. Or so he thought. Before he knows it, Iruka has a rambunctious 7 year old on his hands. Parenthood isn't easy, neither is his marriage, but he always manages to maintain his carefully constructed life. But when Naruto starts acting out at school and at home, Mizuki's already thinning patience runs out and things take a turn for the worst. Caught between an angry spouse and a distressed child, Iruka is at a loss for what to do until he stumbles across a newspaper ad for karate classes. He thinks he's found the perfect solution; an outlet for Naruto and a reprieve from the trouble at home. When they enter Konoha Martial Arts Studio for the first time, Iruka has no idea how the handsome and kindhearted instructor Kakashi Hatake would change their lives forever.

Take Me Home by masc_malfunction [M, 44K]

Ask around, and anyone would tell you the same: Kakashi Hatake is bad news. He's cocky, he's brazen, and his gang is infamous for being impossible to take down. Rumors are always flying around town, about his age, his looks, his more unsavory behaviors…frequently, about if there was anyone who could be a match for him.

Tunnel Vision by demonofabove [NR, 24K]

Kakashi is asked to look after Iruka, who has amnesia. It would ordinarily be an easy mission; but things are much more complex than he expects… Because apparently, Iruka thinks they're dating.

Perfect Storm by aoiandplayer3 [E, 38K]

Stuck together because of a storm, two teachers fall for each other. Kind of fluffy.

Strange by decaf_kitty [E, 86K]

Iruka Umino is a lone werewolf without a pack; he spends most of his time working downtown cleaning hotel rooms and taking care of Naruto, a youkai fox. But he's recently started to notice a soft strange scent in the city, and he wants to know its source. After hunting it down, Iruka finds a silver-haired man with a scar on his face, and he unpredictably loses himself in lust.

You Are by OneSaltyLeo [E, 11K]

Iruka hasn't felt well in a long time, not since the scar was applied to his face. What he's contemplating has been building for years, but just when it all reaches its climax, just when he's ready to hit delete on everything, something strange shows up in his Inbox.

There You Are, There You Are by CountingNothings [M, 94K]

Sometimes, when you don't believe you deserve the good thing that’s coming for you, you spend a lot of time trying to jump out of the way. Kakashi and Iruka are shinobi. Evasion is almost second nature. (It begins with a long weekend onsen meet-cute, and then, as is only right for two people who love romance novels as much as they do, it takes ten years for them to figure out that they're in one.)

A Liar in Babel by surveycorpsjean [E, 35K]

Iruka narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. “Tell me why I’m here.” “You need the money,” Kakashi says, brunt and cruel. “And I need a sugar baby.”

I'll Fall, If You Do by ladyxdaydream [M, 89K]

College was rapidly coming to an end and Iruka had his whole future planned out. Or, well, at least he thought he did. But how could he account for the stranger who would veer him so desperately off course?

One More Light by tmo

How time traveler Kakashi met the love of his life. Romance Trope 5: A character is constantly misplaced in time, but still attempts to lead some semblance of a normal life with their loved one (source: The Time-Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger)

The Bijozakura Seal by megyal [M, 38K]

Kakashi and Iruka are bonded together, entirely against their wishes. While Iruka begins to deal with it, Kakashi still has… doubts.

I Kissed a Boy (And I Liked It) by My_private_tsukuyomi [T, 15K]

Kakashi Hatake was sixteen and never been kissed, a fact that, according to some of his friends, was a travesty. However, girls just never appealed to him, and he didn't know why. He finds out when an everyday act suddenly causes his entire world to tilt on its axis.

The culprit? A tube of cherry chapstick.

Catch A Falling Star by My_private_tsukuyomi [E, 44K]

After the things he's suffered, Kakashi was convinced that, outside of the dance that had always been his solace, feelings were something best left to others. Feelings, especially love, were dangerous and only brought pain. Then a chance encounter and a single dance with a handsome stranger threatened to tear all of his carefully constructed walls to shreds. Was it even possible to allow himself to trust after all this time? What is it about Iruka Umino that makes him want to try?

[adviceformefromme]

Hi hon, I've always loved your blog and advice—and I'd love to have your guidance and thoughts on my issue.

I carry a lot of guilt and shame over making a terrible mistake 5 years ago, which led to the fall of my longest childhood friendship (16yrs at that point). I thought I was able to accept it, but I still have dreams about my friend that reopens the grief I have for our friendship. Today's dream was probably the worst; it featured them being willing to mend our relationship, us interacting like normal, planning to get matching piercings together, and it felt so real, I was so happy.

I came across their social media acc while taking off followers from a personal art account I hope to invest in this year. I was rly tempted to check on their ig reels and YouTube, but knew I shouldn't and decided not to in the end. If me no longer being in their life makes them able to live their happiest and most fulfilling life, I want that for them, I want to be happy for them. Even if it does hurt/make me sad. It wasn't a perfect friendship, but they were my best friend. I want to heal from this as much as possible, since healing completely is prob unrealistic.

I have a group of close friends, ppl who are much more communicative w me, but we all live far from each other so we only interact digitally. I've moved so many times in my life, that digitally is also the best way for me to keep in touch w any irl old friends—it's hard to keep irl friendships strong when you don't see them in person as much as you could in the past.

Tbh I'm kind of a loser. I'm jobless w/ no degree & don't have a driver's license. I know my lack of motivation to get my life together contributes to the lack of opportunities in seeing my friends in person. I am so comfortable in my home environment, even if emotionally/mentally abusive and fear change even if I know it's good for me. I have dreams and yet I'm scared to make steps towards them. That's a whole other thing tho.

I don't know what I need to move past this mourning. I want to stop carrying this sadness with me. I feel it bear such a heavy weight in my chest. I'm at fault and to blame and i feel terrible for being a bad person/friend to that person, even if I know I'm a better/good friend to the ppl currently in my life. Please help me.

Hey sweetie, I sense so much sadness in your message from how you describe your life, to your loss with your friend. I would recommend journalling or releasing your emotions through some form of expression. It needs to be expressed. Write, cry, paint do what ever you need to do to release these emotions because it seems they are completely weighing you down and hacking away at your self esteem. Writing your friend a letter did come to mind if you really want to let them know how you feel and if it would shift some of the pain you've been feeling. I can't recommend forgiveness healing enough! I've wrote about the process here. The journey to loving yourself and being kind to yourself is a process, especially if you are going from a place of feeling low confidence and self belief. But please don't give up on your hopes and dreams. They are within you for a reason. You are not a bad person, you are human and we all do things we wish we didn't, all we can do is show up better. Do our best each day. Listen to those positive affirmations instead of the music that brings you down. Choose the foods that give you energy, instead of foods that give you the food comma so you actually feel motivated to do your best. Read a book that inspires you, watch a documentary about struggle to success. Go help someone. Do a random act of kindness. Plan your tomorrow. Choose to wear something that makes you feel special. Brush your teeth before bed. Light an incense stick. There are so many little things you can do each day to add some light and love into your existence. Lean into the goodness and I promise the heavy weights of the world will start to shift. You'll start to feel a little lighter day by day. But it will be worth it. The light is within you, keep tending to your fire.

xoxox

[itjazzbicch]

Distraction

Pairing:  Jean Polnareff x Fem Reader

First time writing for Polnareff so I hope I did well!  

Summary: Growing uneasy and feeling as if they are a burden, the reader finds comfort by becoming close friends with Polnareff who takes those worries away with a distraction...

Warnings: SMUT! (18+ ONLY! MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!) (Foreplay, fingering, loss of virginity)

Word Count: 1.2k

This trip to Egypt was agonizingly slow. It was one thing after another, after another. Getting to our next stop was a relief, but also came with so much more anxiousness.

You’d figure that all the enemy stand users we faced, the fact that Dio is out there, would be the things on my mind.

Sitting up in the hotel bed, all I could think about was earlier this morning.

The bed had been one of the best, surprisingly. Soft but firm, so peacefully asleep and not wanting to get up.

Feeling a comforting warmth, cuddling up to a pillow that was firm, holding my head just right, long enough for my leg to straddle over.

A sleepy smile on my face, humming in the satisfaction that I could feel even in dreamland, only to realize that this was no ordinary pillow and that I was no longer dreaming.

“Good morning, chéri,” A sleepy voice cooed to me, feeling a hand on my hip, tired eyes blinking and finding Polnareff.

What I thought was a body pillow was him, my head on his chest. He was still asleep, snoring some after he mumbled out his words.

At the hotel, I decided to pair up with Polnareff considering Jotaro already paired up with Kakyoin, Mr. Joestar with Avdol, and I have connected with Polnareff the most, so he was my best and only option.

Another day had passed and there I was, sitting in the bed, eyes catching Polnareff as he came from the bathroom, a heartthrob with his white mane down to his shoulders.

“Having trouble going to sleep?”

I was so zoned out while checking him out that his voice startled me a little, saying softly:

“Just a little.”

We had been through so much on this journey and thinking deeply, I learned why I felt the way I did towards Jean.

He’s saved me, had my back, and made this crazy trip have some kind of fun in it. Looking back at our morning, I had never felt so secure in someone’s arms.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He was so kind to me too, sitting in bed while I curled into the blanket, asking shyly:

“Is it okay if we cuddle, if you don’t mind?”

“Never, dear,”

Gently, I scooted close and the moment my head laid against his chest, it was as if all my worries disappeared, sighing in relief.

“Is getting closer to Egypt troubling you?” He even knew exactly what was wrong, a bit of weight falling off my shoulders as I nodded softly:

“Yeah, and it makes me wonder if I’m cut out for this. Sometimes, I feel like a burden.”

“You know that’s not true,” Lifting my head to meet my gaze, those blue eyes truly believed, “You have a very unique stand that is very useful. We need you. Never feel that you’re a burden, because you’re not.”

“You’re the sweetest thing, you know that?” I smiled, placing a small kiss on his collarbone to express my gratitude.

Playing with my hair and rubbing my scalp helped me relax more, closing my eyes and humming, but listening to his suggestion:

“Maybe you just need a distraction, take your mind off things, hm?”

“A distraction?” I looked cocking my eyebrow, but my eyes fell gently when his lips met mine.

I was melting against him as our lips danced more, back resting easily while he climbed on top of me, as light as a feather, continuing to run his hand through my hair, kissing down my jaw and neck, earning a sweet moan as our hips connected.

My body couldn’t help itself, hips grinding towards his, feeling his erection and I couldn’t think about a single thing but the pleasure.

“You don’t worry about a thing, chéri,” He cooed, hands sliding up to get rid of my shirt, kisses leading up my sternum and finding my breasts, “Just let me take care of you.”

“Please,” I breathed hollowly, chest heaving slowly with his tongue circling my nipple, squeezing the other softly.

Slowly but surely, more moans began to pour out of me, drifting away to a new, wonderful place that I’d never been to.

Adjusting my legs, I helped as best I could to help his hands take away my pajama bottoms and panties, his mouth leaving some faint marks across my chest, fingers slipping through my folds, the pressure at my clit making me gasp:

“Jean..”

“Yes, my love?” Reconnecting gazes, coming back to the crook of my neck, I admitted nervously:

“I’ve never done much like this before.”

“Do you want to?” Looking for confirmation, I nodded, humming more at his finger circling my clit softly:

“It feels so good.”

“I’ll make you feel more than good,” He whispered, kissing my neck and pushing a digit in carefully, working to a quicker tempo as my moans were self-explanatory.

Adding another shortly after, this new stretch made me lose myself more, fingers so thick, curling upwards and nudging a bump that had me shaking.

“You’re doing so good,” He kissed my cheek, realizing more than me that I was cuming around his fingers, slowing his pace at the clenches of my walls, “Want something better?”

“I’m all yours, Jean,” I breathed out, watching him take place between my thighs, blown away by his figure and size once he was nude.

“I’ll take it nice and slow,” He cooed down to me, guiding his tip to my entrance, “Take good care of you, love.”

“Oh my god,” Breathing in deeply, this stretch and friction were even more intense, holding onto his back and breathing out moans and noises I didn’t even know that I could make.

The first few thrusts made me ache a little, but beginning to adjust to his girth, legs latching around his waist in an instant as his hips met mine.

“That feel good?”

“Sooo good,” I couldn’t stress that enough, my consciousness already swirling in my head.

“I can tell,” Smiling down at me, he rolled his hips against mine quicker, adoring, “Who knew you’d moan so beautifully? All those noises say it all.”

“Mhm,” I hummed, quickly losing my breath, not sure what to say, like it mattered as senseless babbles were all I could get out.

There was so much heat in my stomach, feeling like it was all about to break, like with his fingers, but so much heavier and stronger.

“Jean!” My body was going out of control, hugging his head with a handful of hair, stressing, “It’s so much.”

“It’s alright,” He cooed, instructing with kisses, “Just let it take you.”

I didn’t bother to ignore all of the wild feelings running through me, back rising off the bed inch by inch to form an arch, my soul about leaving my body when warm wetness spilled out of me, quicker thrusts making me see stars and only able to hear the sound of wet skin slapping.

“You’re the good one,” He praised, humming while chasing his bliss, lips steaming against my skin, “So soft and warm, taking me so well.”

I appreciated his praises, only wanting more of his comfort as I held onto him, “Hold me, please.”

He did as so, our bodies resting and giving each other sweet nothings, growing tired quickly in his embrace.

His body warmth was so soothing, putting me to sleep quicker, but hearing his coo:

“Feeling better?”

“A lot better,” I smiled tiredly, resting against his chest.

“Good. I’m sure you’ll get a good night's rest,” back rubs sending me off with his kiss on my forehead, “Sweet dreams, chéri.”  

[valentinepills]

A Miracle for World PH Day 2023

TRIGGER Warning: Mention of Miscarriage in this post and unflattering photos of myself.

in December of 2019, I noticed a significant difference in my health. Shortness of Breath, even when walking a short distance, heart palpitations, cough & wheezing, chest pain and occasional nose bleeds. Untreated Anxiety and Depression associated with my Bipolar Disorder, Uncontrolled Diabetes and Intermittent Asthma were believed to be the cause of these symptoms despite my growing concerns. Each year my symptoms worsened. In February 2022, it had gotten so bad that I could not walk from my bedroom to my kitchen without feeling like I had just ran a marathon. My pulmonologist agreed that my condition was rapidly worsening and begged me to give a CPAP another try. I was also switched to the highest dosage of Advair and regular use of my emergency inhaler. My PCP told me to get my A1C down and consider weight loss surgery to expedite my weight loss journey. I was determined to do everything they advised, this way I could prove to them that something more serious was occurring. At this time, I had already quit smoking and began lowering my A1C.

To my surprise, June 30, 2022 it was confirmed that I was pregnant. It shocked me because a couple years ago in 2020 I suffered a miscarriage at 16 weeks. I was advised to consider birth control because my body could not hold a fetus. Well... they were wrong about that one! The doctor confirmed a healthy fetus made it’s way and there was a heartbeat. It was a miracle and I knew God had other plans for me. I prayed every day and every night, thanking my heavenly Father and thy Earthly Mother for all the blessings they bestowed upon me; also asking for guidance, clarity and strength to lead me in the right direction.

I began to communicate with my Perinatologist more as I learned to trust her. During an appointment in September 2022, I opened up and told her,

Doctor, something is wrong with me and I need someone to listen to me. I can’t do my seated exercise anymore and that concerns me. I can’t even walk in place but for 4 minutes, then I have to stop and lay down. I think something is wrong with my heart. I’ve been having these issues before I was pregnant. Please help me. I want to live.

She asked me had I seen a cardiologist. I explained to her that after an urgent care visit in May I was put on a heart monitor for a few weeks but no results were communicated to me. She fought to get my referral to a cardiology approved. My visit with the cardiologist in October is when I was told, I have Pulmonary Hypertension. An ultrasound of my heart confirmed that I had heart disease and heart failure.

My breath was too short for a sigh of relief. The weight on my chest applied pressure instead of being lifted. I was in my third trimester of pregnancy, when a right heart catheterization confirmed my diagnosis in November 2022. Then, the cardiology team with my healthcare provider advised for my care to be transferred to out-of-network team that can provide the care that I needed. I had gained over 40lbs in fluid due to heart failure and my new health team was confident that we could reverse it before labor.

My mother was in fear that she would lose her only daughter. I was in fear that I would never get to hold my daughter. My love was afraid that he would lose me and be alone. My father was scared and speechless. Everything made sense in these moments and everything mattered. It mattered who was there and who wasn't. It mattered where I was and where I was going. It mattered how and why.

3 weeks away from my due date, a team of 20+ assembled in the cardiac care unit to bring Zenobia in to the world. My father waited at home by the phone, my mother waited alone in the labor & delivery room and my love was by my side as they tilted me back and began to operate. After 4 hours of pre-op and 45 minutes of surgery, it was a success. My daughter was born, healthy and strong. Doctors, Nurses and many people stopped by to visit me when I left ICU, curious to meet the miracle baby and her parents. A nurse who was not in my station came to visit and said, 

"I hope you don't mind that I came to visit. Although I'm not your nurse, I was on call when the entire floor heard that you were being transferred to the cardiac operating room. Every nurse gathered and we prayed for you. Everyone is celebrating you, a miracle." 

My eyes filled with tears and joy. Other doctors and their students came to visit and were glad to see me. Another nurse encouraged me to tell my story and document my journey because it will inspire others. The doctors that worked directly with my care and surgery were impressed, proud and says that I'm their model story.

That was almost 4 months ago in January 2023 but also when my journey began. My team was honest with me, that labor and delivery was the least of their concern. Surviving postpartum, preparing for cardiac therapy and rehabilitation was top priority. I would be lying if I said it is easy. Most days I am sad. Learning to adjust to my new way of life has been challenging and difficult to accept. I promised myself to do all that I can to live, to change and to never give up. Meeting people who have PH and joining the association has been a great help to me and how I learned of World Pulmonary Hypertension Day on May 5, 2023. 

One thing I have learned since giving birth with Pulmonary Hypertension is how much time and creating memories mean to me. Also, how important it is to talk about how you’re feeling no matter how that looks for you or how it makes anyone else feel. It’s easy to look down and frown when you’re faced with this challenge. Make the conscious decision today, right now to look up and forward. Be good to yourself and your body. When you need to rest, do so and don’t feel bad for not being able to push through on bad days. You’re a survivor, a PHighter.

I have so much to look forward to. Raising my daughter, therapies and rehabilitation and none of it will be easy but I give praise to the Most High for this blessing. Thank you Lord for blessing every hand that was laid upon me. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for every person who prayed for me. Thank you for those who have been there and rooting for me. Thank you for giving me the strength and bravery to share what you have done for me and what you will continue to do. Thank you to everyone following me, befriending me and joining me. I got you. Let’s live, let’s fight for a cure.

[xxmomma-medusaxx]

2025 is just around the corner. I have some goals that I’d like to meet. I’ve come so far this last year. My weight loss journey, my relationship with my partner, friends and family have become stronger, I completed another round of school making it my second associates degree and I made a lot of peoples days a lot easier. This year I’d like to focus on my relationship with myself while maintaining all the other ones. Maybe getting a new job, my drivers license, outdoor exploration like camping and hiking, more game nights with my friends,more weight loss, and being more spiritual are in the cards for me for 2025. I had so many downs this year but the loss of someone very important to me, that was the worst of all. I miss him all the time. I wish so badly I can call him up and tell him about cool things I see and do. Crack the dumbest jokes. Send goofy gifs. Listen to him rant about his leather man. Hear stories about your life. I am so glad that I left my stupid cup in his hospital room, it let me go back and see him one last time. I love you, I will see you soon, behave. Words embedded into my brain. Like the universe knew I wasn’t. I just hope we can get through next year without another hard blow to the chest.

[syliboywarrior37]

I have been cleaning my Trial-run C-pap machine. Still kind of scared to get sick. I have deep cleaned it and this sleep apnea machine is a good machine. I just had a chest infection and I was sick following November and December. I kind of had a bad go this year. I kind of hoped that I could've recovered in time but Christmas has gone and left. And I have to see the positivity of next year. My future is what I got to look forward to, and have a good time. I know that I'm loved and valued Mawita'mk member. I have a Mi'kmaq family and I have a good life in We'koqma'q community. Hopefully I can get my second transplant kidney and lose the necessary weight.

I've been on a good weight-loss journey. I know that I was 115.8 kg and with the stomachache, I went down to 109.7 kg. And than moved up to 113.8 kg and back down to 111.8 kg. So I hope that I could lose the weight back down to 109.7 or less. I just gotta pick up on walking again and eating right. I've been doing pretty good with my renal diet and fitness. I know that all that I've gained, it wouldn't last in Eskasoni. If I had my own place. I need to start lifting weight until I get a good sweat on, doing cardio and have my cooling off period. I know that I have some kind of level of physical fitness to work with. And doing what I could about my own life in We'koqma'q community. I have to be careful with ice, slush and snow this winter.

Housing and apartment have been increasing in cost because of the inflation rate. I know that I don't need to move until I make all the right financial/business wherewithal and connections that I hope to create, that I have a lot of income and could invest financially into building a house and apartment the right way. I want to build a good housing agreement with my own family (Sisters Billie Jean and Catherine).

I know that I want to give my baby brother and few cousins money to work on that blue house on top of 74th street. I hope that I could build a few houses and apartments, get into real estates and get my own inquest into how to get the deeds of those lands. That way I could navigate the business and financial budgets of rebuilding those houses and apartments in partnerships with family or Eskasoni Band Office. I have a good life in We'koqma'q community and I could invest into a house; one house at a time[ in partnership with someone].

As long as I have good credits with We'koqma'q Band Office. I hope that I could have a funding and help from certain friends to rebuild the houses and apartment on 74th street. It would be called Housing and Apartment Funding nonprofit card. I know that I could put away a good sum of money for a good cause. And learn to build a good charity for We'koqma'q community and Eskasoni Hometown. What to call it though? Unama'ki Housing Charitable Organization? Mi'kmaq Housing Charity?

I just hope that this year I could lose my weight until I can get the okay for second transplant kidney operation, recover and become resilient. And have everything planned for full-time employment in We'koqma'q community and a flower cash or income. Start another business account, have that for non-profit. Start saving up and hopefully have trusted family members like Jown or Syliboy help out with fundraising.

[iceviolet11]

Familiar Faces

A Destiny 2 | Gears of War Crossover

Summary: Wynter -

A guardian of 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞 origin...

A Savior of the Last City from the Red Legion...

A Warlock turned huntress of the Scorn Barons and killer of the Awoken Prince who murdered her brother Cayde-6...

She still mourns the loss just 6 months after that fateful day.

During which she thought were harmless but vivid dreams, fueled by anger and grief, were, in fact, answers to questions she's had all her life. So when she decides to go on a one woman journey to seek out these peculiar answers, Wynter lands in a place where she has been before, only she doesn't know that yet.

And the eventual 25-year worth of horrors that would come to light.

Chapter One | One Day More

“Hey, have you seen Cayde lately?”

Wynter's body freezes in shock. Shocked at the words Banshee just uttered in front of her. Her breath starts to quicken, and could feel her chest tighten, like a weight is on her. She slowly backs up from the counter, feeling something wet cascading down her cheeks.

“Wynter, it’s okay. He didn’t mean that.” The guardian must have seen her in distress.

“This can’t be happening… I-I can’t do this anymore…” I muttered.

“Wynter, calm down. Let’s just go, it’s going to be —”

"No, NO!! It’s not gonna be fine! Don’t tell me to calm DOWN!” Wynter screeched at her, wacking her hand off her shoulder. She could hear Kai, calling out my name. Running away, bumping into people like obstacles, she sprints up the stairs to her bedroom. She didn’t care whether people were staring at me. She needed to get away from everyone.

Finally made it and slammed the door violently, Wynter jumped onto the bed curling up into a ball, and just letting out all of the frustration and whatever emotion she's been carrying for awhile. Crying and screaming in her pillow till her throat runs hoarse. Her head throbs as she's trying to calm myself but to no avail.

He’s gone…He’s really fucking gone…

A knock emitted from Wynter’s door but she numbingly ignored it. Another knock and it was louder this time.

“Go away!” Wynter yelled at whoever was on the other side.

“I don’t think I should. Can I come in please?” It was Ikora’s voice. Wynter's teacher and mentor. “Kai came looking for me, he’s very worried about you..” She added. With a sigh, Wynter groggily got up and opened the door to reveal Ikora and Kai who’s hiding behind her,

“Can we come in?” She asks, calmly. Nodding as she moved out of the way so they could walk in. We both sat on the bed and for a few moments, there was this uneasy silence. Wynter felt this…numbness in my mind and body, gazing at her shaky hands. To be honest, not trying to look at Ikora, she was ashamed of her ugly tear-snot-stained face. Ikora must’ve noticed as she gently takes Wynter’s hands into her own. Not saying a word, attempting to console her student. On instinct, Wynter immediately wrapped her arms around her as Wynter sobbed violently again.

“Oh sweetheart, it’s okay,” Ikora said as she rubbed my back, comforting me.

“No, it’s not. He’s dead, Ikora! I saw him die..why did he have to be so reckless? I-I should’ve gotten there quicker. I— “

“Don’t you dare blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done. But you were able to avenge him…” Ikora let go of the hug but still held Wynter's hands. “It’s done, so you honor his memory, okay?”

“Okay..” I sniffled, as she wiped tears from her eyes.

“Feeling better?”

“...No.” I scoffed as we both chuckled to ourselves.

“Well, that’s good. I think it would be a little weird if you were perfectly okay just by a few words of mine.” Ikora then stood up to walk out of my room but stopped short. “Oh, shoot I forgot. …Zavala needs to talk to you. He sent me to come fetch you when I ran into Kai.” She explains. Shit…

Already starting to feel anxious again, she gives in. Following her with Kai by her side, they head to Zavala’s office..

“I’m pretty sure I know what he wants to talk about…” Wynter mutters, just enough for Ikora and even Kai to hear. She continues to explain the usual spiel. ‘You did what needed to be done.’ and ‘it’s not your fault’, etc. Another sigh expels from Wynter and she walks slower to mentally prepare herself for Zavala’s impending judginess.

Wynter will never deny Ikora's love and guidance. She wouldn't be in control of her abilities if it wasn't for her teacher, but what’s been happening for the past…Wynter can’t even remember how many days it’s been since…Cayde’s death. Just saying it makes me sick…

Ikora's words can’t heal the warlock that easily.

“Wyn? Are you listening?” Kai bumped Wynter's head, getting her attention. Preoccupied with her spiraling thoughts, she didn’t realize the trio arrived at their destination...

“Oh. Sorry about that, you were saying?” Wynter asked.

“I just wanted to say, no matter what happens, I’m gonna be here — with you. You can talk and I’ll just listen.” Kai confessed to his guardian. She looks at her ghost and can’t deny the smile etched on my face.

“Thanks, Kai. Seriously.”Wynter snuggled-hugged him near her cheek and he returned it. They walked into the room to see Zavala and Ikora talking amongst themselves. She clears my throat to get their attention.

“Ah, Wynter hello. How are you doing?” Zavala asked. Wynter forced a smile. If I don’t say too much and act normal, they’ll leave me alone, right?

“Hello Zavala, I’m fine actually. I just rested for a bit so I’m ready to get back out there, ya know?” Wynter explains as Kai glares at the back of her head. Damn it, he knows I’m lying through my teeth…!

“Oh really? Huh, I thought there was someone here who would disagree with that statement.” Zavala said. Trying to laugh it off, a little too nervously, but still making her stance.

“Wow…well, I don’t know about that but I can assure you, I’m fine. I’m sorry for not listening to you and involving the Guardian. It shouldn't have happened, but I’m here now and ready to help.”

“Hmmm…I understand. I’m not going to reprimand you if that’s what you're thinking. But you know what, I do have a job for you. A very important one.” He drags on. He tends to do that, I’ve learned over the years…

“Okay.”

“...you are to stay here at the Tower to process your grief for the time being. I don’t want you going out on missions, no bounties, no crucible even. You need to take it easy.” Zavala concluded. Her eyes widened in disbelief. That disbelief turned into annoyance and anger.

“What? W-why? You’re benching me?!” Wynter exclaims.

“If that’s what you call it, then yes.” She scoffs at him.

“I can’t believe this! You’re punishing me for something you should’ve done!!”

“Like I told Ikora and you, I might add, we are Guardians. Not assassins. I must protect this city. We —”

“That doesn’t matter! Cayde was your friend, my brother! Hell, I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him. So…how fucking dare you for putting Cayde last, not honoring him, and more worried about your “identity & duties” as a stupid GUARDIAN!!” Wynter screamed as tears split over, coming out like a geyser. Crying and hiccuping, She turns away in embarrassment. The sound of footsteps coming towards her as Zavala places a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I… I can’t deny the things you say. I’m conflicted with everything that’s happened in the past few days.” He beckons her to face him and he continues. “I made a call to preserve the safety of the last city. I’ve already lost Cayde, Ha-” He abruptly stopped for some reason. Weird. “I don’t want you to be another name on my list.” There was silence in the room. Wynter was exhausted over everything, it was one unlucky moment after another.

“So, will you do as I ask? It’s not forever, just till you can draw comfort from your faith; heal your mind. Lean on us, we will be by your side. I don't think Cayde would want you to lose who you are because of him.” He confessed. Looking up at Zavala, he’s being sincere. Accepting defeat, she agrees.

“Okay. Can’t bury everything, right?”

“Exactly.” Ikora finally joins in on this ‘lovely’ conversation. “Besides, there’s a lot of things that can be done here. It’s not all guns and grenades, ya know? We are still rebuilding.” Ikora adds as Kai beeps and appears next to me.

“Yeah, what can a few distractions do to us?”

author's note:

Hello, everyone who reads this! Thank you to everyone who reads this and enjoyed this first chapter! This is the beginning of a story that is not your average fanfic. I was inspired @inherstars for her gears stories, I highly recommend checking them out!

So, I'm gonna do my best to update the best that I can, since in the past I HAVEN'T BEEN SUCCESSFUL.... also it's gonna be a little bit before we will see our other characters. I'm so excited to write this story!! ANY feedback is appreciated and helpful!!

banner is by @strangergraphics

[seeminglyseph]

I think I want to look at getting a new summer jacket or something, but now I’m realizing like.

I fully don’t actually know the best places to shop for clothes. As a Canadian.

Like. I mean. There’s the Gap affiliates and whatever… but I also like. Have to figure out like… either places that have plus size options or men’s clothes that have like… wide sleeves that aren’t like… *too* long. And like. If that translates to broad shoulders/chest that’s not the *worst* if it’s like… not a super fitted or shaped jacket because I still need the extra chest space from a men’s jacket…

I remember seeing a very cool looking Jean jacket that was like, being kickstarted that I’d been tempted by, but it was pricey as a kickstarter design, and I just. Fit clothing strange. I’ve been wanting to get myself a new pair of jeans for a while now, but I want like. A *good* pair of fashionable jeans I feel comfortable in. And like. I haven’t had the energy to go to some of the clothing stores available and try on a bunch of clothing and hope for the best… it’s already hard to get out of the house, then into a shopping centre. Then to try on a bunch of clothes feels like. “Ugh kill me.”

I like ordering things online, but it’s hard with stuff that like. Needs to be fitted. And my body has like. Gone on a journey of changing shape over the past 4 years. And I don’t even know if it’s done since people want me to work on weight loss if I want to be allowed to have access to like. Certain surgeries and shit. Which like. Might make me go insane and die. I don’t know. That’s probably hyperbole but sometimes when a doctor is like “oh, yeah, sorry I only talk to people with a BMI of 34 and below.” And it’s like. “Cool cool cool, do you have my medical history? With all the information about the like. Dieticians and food poisoning and eating disorders and like… no, you just have a flat rule you just don’t treat fat people? Okay. Cool. That’s. Probably legal. And fair. I mean, like, there are no options locally so you can just set whatever rules you want to narrow the candidates because we have such a shortage right now. I’ll just shut up and deal with it rather than get a reputation for being difficult and end up without any medical assistance ever again.”

I have like. So much stuff I’m like. Trying to plan around like. Getting myself in less pain so I can do and accomplish more. But I feel like I am flaring up big time right now. I just like… am hurting super bad right now.

This got off the topic of clothes real fast, but like. Goddamn. I hurt real bad right now. And I’m like. Just. Really frustrated and unsure about what to do about it. Sometimes it’s like. All of this is so overwhelming. And like… I don’t know if anyone is supposed to be prepared for any of this, because often it feels like I was never prepared for a lot of stuff because it feels like… I dunno I was never raised to be an independent being, I was raised to be complementary to my mom. And half the time her mantra for me was “you don’t have needs” which was… like. Not as fucked up as it sounds, but definitely fucked up in its own way. I mean maybe it is as fucked up as it sounds. Who knows, maybe I’m just well gaslit. Whatever.

I just feel like. Uh. Where the fuck do people shop? But also like. I have such a small amount of money and I’m in debt I shouldn’t. But like. Fuck. I don’t want to like… spend another month like… “well I think I only have sweat pants…” and in general I just. Like. Would like a jacket. A nice fashionable enough jacket and some clothes to feel like. Comfortable in public I guess…

[nathank77]

5/28/24

9:21 p.m

Concern one: my testosterone prescription was canceled. I put back in the order. I recently got my levels pulled. It was low... maybe I put in the order too early. If she tries to lower my dose I'm going to have to go back to circle care center cause the dose is right... and I'll have to start doing my shot at home which will be AWFUL. I'm not trying to jump the gun but of course I'm worried.

It was 374. That's very low but good enough for right before the injection. Maybe I just ordered it too soon? I'll have to call about it soon if it gets canceled... if she tries to lower my dose I will actually have to do them at home and get to circle care as soon as possible. They don't pull other levels such as human sex globulin.

I'm worried cause the dose is right. We can't go lower than 1ML every 2 weeks. I will be forced to do it at home and drive all the fuck the way over to Norwalk for him to confirm my dose is correct....

This happened before but at another prohealth. The quack said my body will start producing testosterone by itself. Ummm no it won't I still have all my parts and even if they were removed..... I don't have testicles.... so yea I won't make enough testosterone that's why I need the injections.

Concern 2:

I hate my family. I'm at a pivotal moment in my weight loss journey where I'm about to go to the gym..I asked my mother to take photos of my body all angles.

She was yelling at me the whole time. Some of the photos came out okay...but most I need to redo... cause of lighting and shit...

She was seriously yelling at me the whole time cause watching her movie was more important and it's like I can't get these photos without someone else taking them. The lighting matters. The angles matter.

They aren't "sexy" photos they are going to be my comparison photos. I got some in my bathroom that are okay but I want my back/chest/side angles done correctly. With lighting and angles.. why?

Cause once I go to the gym, I need them redone and then I can compare my results.... its important...

I'm going to have to ask her another day to do it in the kitchen as she yells at me the whole time bc it's an inconvenience to her. But I need these shots BEFORE I go to the gym.

I'm just annoyed that I ask for so little and I get yelled at for it and if I had a gf I mean she would take the shots and make sure they are perfect.

Stacey did it my entire first year of being on testosterone. She got amazing perfect shots. And I really appreciated it cause if my body transforms even more...I can use those photos as well as the ones I still need to get before I go to the gym.

I could get really big on YouTube for my body transformation but I need good photos...

Anyways I'm sexy and I have anxiety about my testosterone, about getting these photos, about being so utterly alone, and just my mother is always crawling up my ass. I have had the stove on for 30 minutes and she's always banging on my door or yelling at me about it.

When I was doing laundry the other day she had to pee and I'm working with my ocd and she's yelling at me and making it extra difficult...

[aimingforoverweight]

What I'm Doing, Why I'm Doing It

I am but a simple enby, with simple wants. I just want to get something off of my chest. Literally. It's my boobs. I want to get top surgery.

I was perusing the requirements for top surgery (what doctor's notes I'd need, the waiting period, etc) when I came across a running theme: plastic surgeons can refuse "elective" surgery based on a patient's BMI. If you're too overweight, then you might not be able to get surgery. A general "ideal" I saw was around a BMI of 31.

Now is the time to divulge, I weigh 315 pounds. At a height of 5'6", that puts me at a BMI of around 51.

I know, I know, many people will cry out "the BMI is garbage." And they're right.

But regardless, I have to play by the rules, and the rules are telling me that I need to lose weight. So here we go.

I know this will take years to complete, but it's a journey I want to go on. I've wanted to lose weight for a long time now (since my endocrine system decided to give up on a working thyroid a few years ago), and dangling top surgery as a reward should motivate me to get my butt in gear.

I've made this blog as an accountability system for myself and a way to express and document my weight loss journey. I'm not perfect, and I don't pretend to be, so come join me as I make, like, at least ten mistakes.

[stardustbarbarians]

(here’s me with my unnecessarily long danny filth lmao)

i mean, its about danny being just absolutely huge; like boy is tall, big arms, strong shoulders, you name it. so im thinking… can he like, hold you up while eating you out in the shower?

picture it like this, im not talking about -picking you up-; more like, him starting to kiss your neck, trailing down to your chest after washing the soap off of you. spending a few seconds loving on your tits and then starting to kneel while kissing your stomach (and he nips at the bit of fat on your lower stomach which he absolutely adores, mind you)

once he is kneeled before you, the shower stream hitting your back, your hands made their way into his hair half his journey down your body and are know scratching the back of his head lovingly, after pushing his wet bangs out of the way.

he is smiling at you cheekily, and starts rising one of your legs to rest on his shoulder, your heelbone pressing into his mid back. he kisses the plush inside of your thigh softly, rising his brows asking if you want to keep going. he rests his cheek on it when he sees you thinking a little too much about, rubbing it soothingly with the hand that pulled your leg up in the first place.

“i won’t let you fall, pretty girl, i got you” and he isn’t lying, his other hand is behind your standing leg, wrapped around your thigh with his fingers digging into the fold of your buttcheek and upper thigh. he also moves his other hand to the back of the glute of the leg perched of his shoulder, assuring you that he’s got you.

so once he gets the greenlight to keep going, he buries his face into you and just starts licking you up, stretching his tongue to get even deeper, knowing that he is nudging your clit with his nose. he allows himself to be messy, knowing you can just wash yourself off in a few minutes. he hums as if he is eating a sweet dessert, groans when you pull his hair in desperation and moans when you try to grind your hips against him.

he gets you there once you start get a little too whiny, sucking on your clit and letting you rut against his face. when you finally let go, you don’t register the guttural moan he lets out against your mound and the way his shoulders tensed.

he stands up after letting you come down off it for a while, still mindful of wrapping an arm around your waist to pull your weight up. he nuzzles your face and kisses your cheek and jaw softly, humming to the feeling of your hand trailing down his tummy. he chuckles softly and mutters a soft “you are gonna have to give me 15 minutes baby”, and inhales softly when your hand wraps around his now soft dick

Oh….. my fucking god……

Anon, I am at a loss for words and i think I forgot how to breathe there for a second. You have a gift and I thank you that you shared it with me because oh my god do I feel blessed.

Thank you so so so much I mean it thank you

[victors-only-dummy]

Sunday Morning

Pairing: VICTOR x DUMMY ( Me/You)

You wake with a small shiver. Squinting your eyes open you groan at the light coming through the unclosed curtains. You would blame Victor for not closing them the previous night but you know you are just as much to blame. The light seemed to be bright even though the day was overcast and you could hear the light patter from rain falling on the window. You pull gently at the covers that are barely covering you, stealing some from Victor and wrapping yourself tighter in them to try and gain some warmth.  

You hear a slight moan sound out from beside you, signifying that Victor is awake. You feel the bed dip slightly below you before you feel his arms wrap around you. His bare chest touching your t-shirt covered back. You feel your body warm as you are wrapped up in the warm embrace.  

“Morning,” a husky voice sounds in your ear, before a kiss is placed on your temple.  “Morning,” you say back, twisting your head enough to be able to catch his lips with yours.  

Turning back, you both stare out at the city shrouded by clouds.  

“The city looks pretty like this,” you comment, getting a simple hum in response from Victor.  

You can feel his light breaths on your neck, the slow steady rhythm and the fact that his arms have loosened around you, telling you that the man was dipping back into sleep. Listening to the rain, feeling the pace of his heartbeat on your back and looking out at the lights flickering across the city, you feel content.  

“What are we doing today,” his voice is still husky, thick with sleep, and you can tell he is trying hard to not fall back into a deep slumber.  

“Let’s just stay here all day,” you say lightly, not wanting your normal tone to ruin the moment. “I think I could stay here forever.”

Another hum leaves Victor lips as he squeezes you in his arms, the process pulling you impossibly closer to him so he becomes an almost mould of your body. A few more moments pass as you both lay tangled together. But after a moment Victor rolls away from you and a whine leaves your lips at the loss of his touch. You roll over to see what he’s doing and discover him on his phone. After a few clicks you hear the tones of MLQC come through the speaker. Putting his phone down Victor rolls over and tucks himself into your side.  

You now on your back, you feel Victor fingers lightly train along your sides. Going from your hip up the side of your body until they reach your shoulder. They briefly pause there to traces a few patterns before continuing their journey down your arm until they reach your hand. At his final destination Victor picks up your hand so that your palm is flat in front of him. That’s when he starts to draw detailed pictures on your hand, humming along to the tune as he does it.  

“What you drawing?” You ask as you try to picture the patterns that are being traced.  

“You lying in a field of flowers,” he says it seriously and you can’t help but laugh.

“All that on my small palm? Wow you’re talented,” you turn to look at him with a smile on your face and admiration in your eyes. He simply keeps his eyes on your palm, finger still moving, concentration all over his face.  

A few more lines and Victor declares that he is done. You look at the palm he had been drawing on and pretend to take in the invisible lines.

“It’s beautiful,” you smile at him, and his face lights up at your words.  

“You’re more beautiful,” he declares as he swings a leg over you, straddling your waist. Supporting his weight on his elbows he leans over you, his face inches away from yours.  

Straining you lift yourself up enough to attach your lips to his, not having the core strength you don’t last long and have to pull away after a few seconds. Victor following you down onto the bed so that you can continue to deepen the kiss.  

Resting his forehead against yours he looks into your eyes.  

“I love Sunday mornings,” he whispers out before closing his eyes and kissing you again.  

[ 🤣🤣 I definitely forgot to post this ]