#so cool that none of my relationships are geniune and its all predicated on the fact that ppl know im depressed and think that if they dont
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#i feel sick to my stomach i dont know why im still even talking go#im so tired of him being around i love to get called annoying and shit for wanting to be able get to sleep before i have to be at work in#a few hours like no matter if im nice im just made to feel like shit and then i have to cater to him and never show any fucking emotions#because if i do then GOD im throwing a tantrum. im sitting in my bathing trying to silently cry so i dont get in trouble. totally a tantrum#i could scream if i even had energy but i dont so i guess ill just fuck myself up real quick#how are we not even together anymore but i still get to experience all the worst parts of our relationship still. what the fuck.#im about to put my face through a fucking wall.#this is whybi never talk to anyone about how i actually feel because no one gives an actual fuck. 2 years and i cant make myself#remotely palatable to you so just fuck off!!! dont come around if you dont want to be here just get your shit#and get the fuck out of my house. and dont text me or look at me or jesus christ dont tell me how to handle the all the negative feelings#that you caused in the first place. fuck! i really dont think im going yo sleep tonight again. i hate my life. and i hate people who only#care when they think im going to hurt myself. like dont berate me and make me feel like shit and give me no other escape and then finally#when im like welp :/ gotta Hurt bc theres too much feeling then its like oh you poor traumatized thing. let me care for you and then#guilt trip you in the morning for making me //babysit/ you. who says that. who tells someone who is already at this point that#that you only see me as a child needing to be supervised#like i coulda just done one sorta bad thing and be fine but instead i just get to rot and feel like ive forced the people around me to care#about me bc i have bad coping mechanisms like lmao. everyone says they want to be there for me but no one actually means that#so cool that none of my relationships are geniune and its all predicated on the fact that ppl know im depressed and think that if they dont#say anything to me about it then they are somehow complicit in my harming myself. anyways i think i will just lay down on the highway lmao.#this sucks a lot and i wish that i had someone that i knew meant it when they said they would be there bc it would be nice to articulate#how i feel to someone who understands or at least would like to understand
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