#so being able to set that boundary of 'no romance or I'll end things so fast you won't even realize I've blocked you' is so freeing

[neverendingford]

.

[camellia-thea]

I'm curious about your thoughts for present day Armand/Daniel. How do you think starting their romance when their both vampires now changes their character arcs and dynamic? It feels crucial that Daniel was human and Armand was a vampire. Granted this is assuming the show is not doing a past version as well.

i'm so sorry, this has been sitting in my drafts for ages; this is such an interesting question, thank you! this was sent in reference to this post about book canon devil's minion. if there's anything here i can clarify on, let me know; this might be a little disjointed as i've jumped in and out of working on it for a week and a half!

i think that it's a little complicated overall, but not in a way that makes a good (for the viewer, not healthy) relationship impossible in the show! i think assad and eric both really love their characters and it's pretty clear to me that they're absolutely fighting for us dm fans. and given the recent interviews with rolin saying that everything between them has been devil's minion so far, i'm certain we'll end up well fed!

i'd love for there to be a past relationship that armand has taken from daniel, and i do genuinely think that it is a potential way they might take it. however, if we're going by the assumption that they aren't, i actually think it will work pretty well! there are obvious dynamic shifts between them, but that was never not going to happen, given the changes the show made to book canon (generally for the better! i think they've handled almost everything very well).

i think that a relationship starting between them with them both being vampires wouldn't work if it had been in the 70s, but i actually think it being old daniel works really well.

obviously the chase is a really really important part of the development of their relationship, but i can see it playing out in both directions; daniel chasing armand because 'what the fuck, man? you turn me and leave?' and on the other end, armand following daniel to keep him safe from other vampires, given he's pulling a lot of negative vampire attention towards him. i'd love for armand to appear for a night, engage in an argument or simply just appear wherever daniel is, then vanish again. i think that there is still a lot that can be played with in regards to the way that armand interacts with daniel as a fascinating creature and a step between the world and him.

i do think that this armand is a lot more in tune with the modern world in comparison to book armand, but i don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. book armand was living in a very different context; he and louis had been separated for a while before daniel was approached, and armand had essentially been drifting since then. a young man who connected with the world, as directly as daniel was trying to, was something that book armand needed. i think that now, with the wound of a very explosive separation from louis, he needs something different. someone (relatively) steady and also someone able to call armand on his own bullshit and lies. daniel has not lost his connection to the world around him, nor his nature of wanting the truth and to see the world. i'll come back to that in a minute.

i think the changes made to daniel match very well with the changes made to armand. older daniel is a lot more direct than younger daniel, and i think that young daniel, while being willing to stand for what he wants, did not have the power to set hard boundaries and expectations. older daniel, both because of life experience and because he is a vampire, comes at it with a little more equal footing. i think that he also knows how to look for armand's red flags, and i think that will help. i don't think that there will ever not be an inherent power dynamic between them, but that's part of the fun. i also think that daniel being more able to sidestep that dynamic.

but the key thing, i think, is that daniel, as he is in the show, understands how to live. maybe not well, but he has lived a full life in a way that armand has not had the opportunity to. i think that vampirism is a way for daniel to reconnect to living, and given the small snippet we've already seen of him, he's thrown himself into it. a book tour, hunting, having fun with mind-reading during interviews, i think he's reveling in what's been given to him. this is something louis was attempting to do with his photography, though the show very specifically makes commentary that he is not managing to connect with his subject matter in a way that daniel is. (i'll come back to this in a different post because it's interesting and i have commentary). armand needs that connection, this armand, book armand, both of them need a new connection to life, and i think that older daniel is a brilliant match.

i don't think armand could ever not love his fledgling. i don't think he could ever not end up obsessed with any fledgling he makes. armand loves completely, fully, and obsessively. his love consumes him enough that he reshapes himself to fit the other person. and given how significant a fledgling is to him, i don't think there could ever not be some sort of relationship there. this is doubled by the fact that armand is so unused to -- and terrified of -- dealing with loneliness, and the breakup with louis means that i think he will be actively seeking the presence of others, specifically daniel, even if that's following him at a distance.

and i'm a little sad at the lack of mind reading that will happen between them, because armand planting thoughts into daniel's head is a personal favourite from the books, but i think they have the potential to play with the sire-fledgling bond instead, which i'm curious about!

i also think it's super important to remember that the next season is the vampire lestat, not the queen of the damned, and that the devil's minion chapter takes place during the space of over ten years. while it's been confirmed that elements of qotd will feature, and i don't think they'll set daniel and armand aside, but it's still very distinctly lestat's turn in with the talking stick, as it were. and i think that it'll be a very good thing for daniel to learn more about armand; the children of darkness (or satan, in the books) is super important and i think that it'll be really interesting to get daniel responding to it.

either way, i think it's going to be good. i know assad and eric are so passionate about it, and rolin has also been very clear about its presence. i trust them to make choices that are justified with the characters, are interesting for the plot, and have good thematic influences.

[polyamorousmood]

hey! I hope this isn't too non-traditional of a poly situation to be sending in, but this is the only place I think I'll be able to get good advice. As a pre-ask thing, to be clear, my best friend is the love of my life, I am aroace, we're very happily in love.

So, a while ago, we were dating, and it ended pretty quickly bc he came out as aroace. I asked him a lot whether or not that was the full reason he broke up with me and he insisted that it was and if it was going to be anyone it would have been me. I figured out that I was also aroace a couple months later. Recently (about a year after we first met and started dating) he got a boyfriend. I already set a firm boundary of no talking to me about his boyfriend bc it made me have a paranoid breakdown once and I don't want to do that to him, but even just the knowledge of him existing is pissing me off so much. I can't ask him to break up with him because I would never do thst to him and I love him more than anything even if this situation is hurting me like this, but I did recently ask him how the relationship was going with him being aroace, and he said that he isn't really aroace and he just wasn't ready for a relationship with me and thinking about that makes me want to cry. I don't want something romantic with him, I'm very much aroace and very sex and sensuality repulsed, I just hate that this random guy who I don't even know and never will (I don't want to bc I know I'd end up being a dick to him if I did meet him) is somehow more important to him than me, even if he insists thst isn't how it is. Since the situation isn't changing, I really need help with dealing with the jealousy. I've tried a ton of stuff and every single time I think about him I still want to kill him. I really don't know what to do, and my therapist isn't being particularly helpful (she isn't poly tho so she doesn't have experience with weird situations)

Hi. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this.

I'm curious how "he got a boyfriend" went down, and why you didn't bring up your concerns about his honestly to him when he was initially talking to you about it. Or if you did, why it still... doesn't seem resolved😬.

Not to put emotions in your mouth, but it sounds like a large proportion (though certainly not all) of your issue here stems from you feeling lied to about the breakup. This would damage anyone's trust and faith in the relationship, and I think having a formal talk about why he handled it the way he did and if that will continue in your refigured relationship will really help you. Maybe he didn't lie, maybe he was genuinely confused (for example, "if I can't make a relationship work with this person I feel a deep connection with, I must be aroace!" [one year later] "yo wtf I wanna fuck this other person?")! I think you should acknowledge -- with him, if possible -- that hurt. You feel like you want to cry? So cry. Giving the feeling full expression makes it easier to work through (and the only way out is through, darling).

Be prepared to explain why it hurts so much. The betrayal, your assumption that since he was aroace y'all were on the same page and he'd functionally be your life partner, or whatever the fuck.

Aside from the advice in this post (please read it in full📖, it is all applicable here), you have a LOT of legwork🦵 to do in unpacking and deconstructing your feelings. I think this worksheet outlines how to do that well (though, you know, tweak the wording in your head, because its aimed at a more traditional romance). If done right, it will be difficult and time consuming⌛. I recommend working through the worksheet slowly, in at least two separate sessions an hour or longer each. 'Cause shit takes time to sink in. In fact, you will have to remind yourself of the things you learn doing it for weeks to come, if not longer, so don't be afraid to revisit it! There is no shortcut, but I hope you and your best friend can be on the same page and you can have support while you navigate it.

Remember, the boyfriend didn't do anything wrong. He cares about this guy you care about. Try to see him as an extra support for him, rather than competition.

Good luck out there, space cowboy. There is hope 💛 <- its a yellow heart for friendship, get it?

[utilitycaster]

Unpopular opinion: the tower conversation between Caleb and Essek was a define-the-relationship conversation on a 20+ intelligence level and with the context that defining a relationship does not inherently mean "we have decided whether or not we are dating from this point onward with the only options being a static yes or no," and if more of the fandom read it that way, there would be significantly less equivocating over their relationship and how often Essek is mentioned in regards to existing and potential post-canon content

This is very funny to me bc if you were not off anon I'd be like "man what does Megs say about it, she'd know more!" Anyway, after this one I'll be taking a break bc I do need to do a bit of D&D prep and this is going to be a slightly long one. To that point, it's below the cut.

Anyway, thank you, because I very much enjoy Shadowgast but I don't know if I've made as much of a study of it as others have, or as I have for other ships, but this led me to rewatch/reread the transcript for this speech (2x133, btw, starting around 3:26:00 for those wondering) and: yes.

I think this is definitely the 20+ INT level version; it is entirely about theory, and the arcane, and everything is subtext. But it's not unprecedented. If I were to do the mathematical thing, and I will, and reduce it to a problem I already know, this is akin to Fjord and Jester's conversation in episode 2x72. Compare:

LAURA: Would you do anything to get them back?

TRAVIS: No. No, but, I feel like I knew what I was doing, and I realized I have no idea.

to

MATT: "You spoke once of intent, lot of fortunes have changed since. What is your goal? Ultimately?"

LIAM: I think my priorities have mostly shifted since we last spoke about things like this. I think what's going on right now is more important than my petty, earthly grievances. Still very much fascinated with and attracted to ability and skill. And it's not fashionable to say, but to power. Who doesn't feel the tug of such a thing? But, uh-- yeah, I said it knowing what your reaction was going to be. I see you outside. (laughs) But it doesn't matter. There are bigger things than you and I.

MATT: "I think that's the key. The pursuit of magic, in the ways that we know it, in the ways that we've been disparately, but in some ways similarly raised and studied. At a certain point, it becomes about the self. It becomes about what I can do. And it's impressive that you've deviated at your skill level. I just hope it holds."

LIAM: That's the key, isn't it? Because if you were to put the very thing that I have wondered about for so many years in front of me, I'm really not sure what my reaction would be.

It is, as you say, a definition of the relationship. It's not "we are now dating;" it's them figuring out if they want similar things; if they will be not just compatible but good for each other. It's foundation laying and setting boundaries for something that won't come to fruition for some time yet, but it's undeniably something more serious than mere friendship.

I think the tower conversation is also uniquely important because it's Caleb's first romantic overture after meeting with Trent. He volunteers the information about his past not just willingly, but specifically in order to connect with Essek rather than to protect him or push him away. They are even able to laugh about it together, and that's really it. This is the point where romance becomes an option.

There's more - I think that Essek admiring Caleb's ability to set aside himself despite his rapid progression as a wizard is absolutely a flirtation, as is Caleb saying he's attracted to "ability and skill" - but really in the end it's them saying "this is my condition, and you have met it." I think the relationships that lack some kind of condition and stakes like this - and to be clear, it's okay if, as with several relationships I don't cover here, those stakes and boundaries are set not through a clear conversation that serves as a turning point but rather more implicitly/through actions - end up feeling fundamentally empty and lacking in possibility because there isn't that tension and that recognition of each other.

[lovelytsunoda]

boy in love // clement novalak (mini fic)

summary: when marcus asks clem about the current state of his love life, they were all pretty shocked at the frenchman's answer

warnings: mentions of sex/kinks, nothing too explicit. clement is just a boy in love <3

author's note: this is so fucking self indulgent bye-

"so, clem, how's y/n?" james harvey blair is the first to ask, popping another bottle of wine open. they hadn't started filming yet, the boys wanted a chance to catch up before they brought the cameras and the microphones out.

"she's good. great, actually. she had some stuff she needed to get done today, but i'm going to see her tonight. we're going book shopping, and then getting dinner." the trident driver hummed, reaching for his wineglass.

marcus armstrong coughed, choking on his drink. "you, in a bookstore? i don't even think i've ever seen you read an entire ladbible post!"

clement rolled his eyes as the guys around him laughed. "yeah, okay, laugh all you want. she was going to go on her own and meet me for dinner later but i insisted on joining her."

everybody had been shocked when clement met y/n. she was so shy and quiet and sweet, and clement was. . . well . . . clement. they had personalities that shouldn't have worked but somehow managed to meld together perfectly.

clement novalak was a boy in love. further in love, in fact, than marcus had ever seen him.

"yeah, but it's always the quiet ones, innit?" liam lawson raises an eyebrow, spreading himself out on the couch. "she's gotta be into something wild, otherwise she'd never be able to keep up with you."

they should have known that liam was going to make the conversation go there. it seemed to be the only part of having a relationship that liam was good at, as of late, with a different girl in each new city before he finally found one that put up with his shit for more than ten hours at a time.

"come on, mate. at the end of the day, that's not really any of our business, is it?" james tried in vain to shut the conversation down. "as long as clement is happy, we should be happy for him."

"it may shock you wankers to know," clement began, setting his glass on marcus' coffee table. "that i have mellowed out sexually since y/n and i have started going out."

"those are words i thought would never come out of your mouth." marcus says, finally taking a seat next to liam on the couch. "are you sure you're actually clem, not an alien from another planet?"

"very funny, armstrong. i'm serious. she's not really into anything, if i'm being honest. the first time we tried to take things a little rougher, when i tried to put a little bit of pressure on her throat, not much, just enough that we could both tell it was there, you should have seen the panic in her eyes. and i just knew that i never wanted to be the person who made her feel like that again."

"does it not get boring?" liam gawked

clement shook his head. "we have our ways of keeping it fun."

"care to share it with the group?"

clem laughed. "i'm not sure how much she's comfortable sharing, mate. i'm not trying to cross any boundaries here. but i'll precursor it with this: have you ever worn silk boxers before?"

the laughter in the room was so loud that marcus wondered if he might get noise complaints. clement wasn't sure what was so funny, but the sheer look of horror on liam's face was enough to make him burst out into laughter along with everyone else.

"i'm serious, mate. she goes wild for that sort of cliché romance kind of stuff. this feels different than every other girl i've bene with has. it's more than just a physical thing when we fuck. it's like we're making love, it's a spiritual thing. i have never felt so emotionally close to another person before."

"and that's called character development." james remarked, reaching for the wine bottle. "does anyone want another glass?"

"i think i'm going to need one if this conversation keep going." liam jokes

"please tell me that she at least gives a decent blowie."

clement's face flushed pink. "dude, i am not answering that! why are all of your questions about sex, seriously? wouldn't you rather hear about how warm and fuzzy i feel when i wake up with her in my arms, or how my knees go weak when she smiles? or about how my perception of an awesome friday night has changed from getting shitfaced with you lot to curling up with her on the couch, sharing a bowl of pretzel chips and watching criminal minds re-runs? or how content and relaxed i feel listening to her read her books out loud?"

especially when the romance books get smutty, he thinks, but doesn't say it out loud. those are always the page numbers he remembers so that they can try reenacting the scenes together later.

james and marcus shared a knowing look. it was a feeling that they knew well.

the feeling of being utterly and madly in love.

"i think i'm in love with her, man. no, wait. i don't think it."

"i know it."

[omgkalyppso]

What does their relationships look like? Not even in simply a romantic way but like are they close with family and friends, do they have someone they protect, etc?

Thank you for the ask, I really appreciate it. 🥺💐

Étoile had a very close relationship with their late mother, my skyrim dragonborn imperial werewolf paladin oc, Wylla, and has a very good relationship with their living mother, my stolen skyrim npc oc the priestess of the daedric prince Azura, Aranea Ienith.

I think Étoile and Aranea write to each other every few months, and as a Cleric in this setting Aranea would have access to Sending so she could reach out to Étoile directly if there was ever immediate news on her end. Something in bg3 act 3 implies that there is a paid public service for this, and so Étoile could also do the same from the city.

I don't think Étoile would reach out to Aranea in bg3 act 3 because so much is happening, and goodbyes are hard. They might arrange a letter before going to face the [redacted]. And based on the ending Étoile got for bg3, they would retrieve this letter and have to write something much longer with much more grief and details of their friends to send to her.

There are things that have happened that would put a strain on Étoile's relationship with their mother, but, you know, spoilers.

I think Étoile believes their relationships to a lot of people in Baldur's Gate before the events of the game were superficial, whether or not that was true for the other person. They feel connected to few people, but many who journeyed with them through their recent, rather extreme, hardships.

They had so much in common with Shadowheart entirely by accident, that they feel extreme kinship with her and her family.

They have nothing in common with Lae'zel, and yet with her it was the same. They were awed by her for being from across the stars and granted her a lot of expect and leeway in adjusting to the differences with her new environment.

I thought during early access I might have shipped Étoile and Lae'zel, but playing the game, I felt like she was too young for them and what they each wanted out of a relationship was too different, at least at the outset.

I didn't look up polyam relationships before diving in and so Étoile (and I) were disappointed that Wyll wasn't an option. I'm still deciding kind of how fast or whether Wyll would grow to be more comfortable with receiving and pursuing the romance he idolizes while satisfying himself with at least one other person present. Wyll's approval was the easiest for Étoile to build. They have very similar values and would continue to be good friends regardless of involvement, but the way the game approached the inaccessibility of polyamory between Wyll and Astarion left a lot to be desired and made it feel like "canon" Wyll didn't respect Étoile's boundaries, preferences and other relationships.

Halsin was a surprise! He wasn't what I was expecting from early access. And after the Wyll debacle, I didn't expect Étoile was going to have other relationships outside of Astarion for another few decades post-game (if they survived, woo...). But then Halsin's dialogue was so generous, and that was so romantic. I laughed in surprise when Halsin expressed complete non-interest in a relationship, but I completely love him. He loves, he loves his friends, he fucks, but he needs to know he can leave, he needs to be able to leave; an easy thing for Étoile to accommodate. They can only grow closer.

To keep from going on too long, I'll bring up that Étoile is largely with Astarion because Astarion was the first companion to flirt with them in early access, lmao. I have a post in their tag even where I was like "oh no! do I wait for Wyll or Lae'zel or go for it?" dfghgfdhdf Now I can't picture them apart. If I'm thinking of Étoile, Astarion is just around the corner / I'm wondering what he's up to.

There are a lot of characters / friends / lovers they would die for. I'm unclear how to answer the question about who they would protect.

[thenewpathfinder2024-2034]

Most relationship mistakes have fixes, though, which is a good thing. Because last I checked, there was no manual for a partner who feels misunderstood or a partner who crosses on of your boundaries. It's a lot of trial and error. A lot of screwing up and forgiving.

You know that knowledge is power. And now that you know these common relationship mistakes and how to fix them, you can avoid the rocky road that leads to resentment and anger. You can be on the side of love and positive growth.

1. Not Setting Up Boundaries. Not setting up boundaries is probably the biggest, most common problem I saw in relationships. If we don't teach each other how we want to be treated, they won't know. Boundaries are essential to keeping the peace and being respectful in a relationship.

The Fix: When your partner says or does something that makes you uncomfortable, you have to let them know. This is how you lovingly establish boundaries. Try saying things like "Instead of X it would be better for me if you Y." Like, instead of yelling, "I would rather you took time to cool off." You can also be more direct, like "I don't want you to say 'I hate you' to me, ever, even if we're just playing." Boundary created.

2. Not Voicing Concerns. You partner is not perfect, so you can't treat them like they never do anything wrong. On the other hand, you don't want to be a constant critic. Both scenarios lead to resentment, frustration and anger on both your parts.

The Fix: You have to learn the difference between when a situation is something you should just let go, and when you need to speak up. This is hard and takes time. But it's worth doing. Otherwise, those little things that bother you will build up into big regrets.

3. Not Being Independent. One plus one does not equal one. People tend to get lost in relationships, which is not healthy. Maintaining independence while also fostering your closeness is the best way to go, Otherwise, you're creating this co-dependent soup that fosters more problems than it solves.

The Fix: Do your own thing once in a while. Have and hang out with your own friends. Keep doing your hobbies and working toward your personal goals. Spend alone time with yourself. You have to have a life outside of your relationship, too.

4. Making Unrealistic Promises. When you make unrealistic promises, that means you will eventually break those promises. Breaking promises is a great way to damage the trust you worked so hard to build in your relationships. Better to skip making promises you can't keep.

The Fix: Instead of saying "I will never hurt you" say, "I will do my best to never hurt you." Instead of saying "I'll handle it" every time there's a problem say, "we'll handle it together."

5. Depending On Each Other Too Much. If you're completely dependent on your partner, what will you do if your relationship ends suddenly? Being too dependent isn't healthy. Not only does it make things harder if the relationship ends, but it can keep you trapped with a lack of options.

The Fix: You have to be able to stand on your own as a whole, individual person, should your relationship end. Figure out whatever it takes to get there, and go for it, even if it's just baby steps. Learn how to use the bus. Take online classes. A little independence will make positive changes in your relationship, even if that seems counter-intuitive.

6. Not Making Time For Play. Play does amazing things for the friendship component of your relationship. Happy couples play, in whatever way works for them! They enjoy each other's company.

The Fix: Play! Be silly. Sing songs. Dance. Do fun things. Go on dates. Watch funny movies. Tell jokes. Goof around. Laugh. Whatever it takes to make each other smile and feel the light-hearted joy of being together.

7. Getting Lazy With Affection And Romance. Humans need touch to survive, and the chemicals in your brain that create those loving feelings thrive on touch. A relationship without touch is one doomed for failure.

The Fix: Create routines, at fist, like always kissing goodbye, or always hugging when someone gets home. Then, whenever you think about it, add in little things, like squeezing a knee on the train, holding hands during Netflix time, or even just randomly touching while you're running errands.

8. Trying Too Hard To Please Each Other. Trying too hard and doing too much sets up unrealistic expectations, which always lead to disappointment. You can't do everything and be everyone to your partner, no matter how much you may want to. This is especially problematic if one person is doing all of the pleasing in a relationship.

The Fix: Work on being your best self. Let your partner work on being their best self. You'll get into a rhythm soon enough. Be good to each other in a natural way. Go the extra mile once in a while, but not every single time you do something. It's not sustainable.

9. Not Communicating Changing Needs And Feelings. Couples can grow apart or grow together. To grow together, you have to keep getting to know each other, time and time again, month after month, and year after year. If you're not regularly checking in with each other on an emotional level, you'll soon lose your connection.

The Fix: Talk often. Discuss big, important things, like jobs, interests, kids, and family on a regular basis. Ask questions. Support each other during times of growth and change. Learn a little about the things that interest your partner.

10. Not Appreciating The Small Things. Big things are wonderful, but the bulk of life is made up of little things. If you don't appreciate the little things, and occasionally treat them like big things, you're in for a life of disappointment.

The Fix: Say "thank you" when you notice your partner doing something, even something small, like taking out the trash when it's your turn, or holding the door open. Practice gratitude for each other. Work harder to notice all the things your partner does for you that might otherwise go unnoticed. Pumping gas, or getting you a coffee can be a powerful way to show love.

11. Not Doing The Work. Relationships are hard. They're a lot of work. Sometimes you have to overlook the fact that you're super tired and you just want to go home because you promised you'd go somewhere with your partner. Sometimes you have to work hard to stifle criticism and find a more loving way to express your feelings. It's all part of the game. If you get too comfortable in your relationship, and you get lazy, then you're in for a bad time.

The Fix: You have to do the work. There's no other way to say it. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do things you don't want to do. If your partner and your relationship are worth it, you'll find a way.

You won't be able to avoid making all of these mistakes. But the good thing about that is the opportunity it presents to learn and become the best partner you could possibly be.

[baronaliswritingcorner]

Regarding Fandom Gift Exchanges

(UPDATE - 10/10 2024 - With the Felannie Exchange under its new management, my boycott has come to an end. While I still abstain from fic exchanges for the reasons entailed below, this means an end to my fandom vacations as well as my being able to read exchange fics again. Do note, however, this'll still come with caveats -- please read this post for more details.)

Regardless, for context, I'll be leaving much of the following post intact. Updates are applied where applicable.)

Hey, all! Fair warning: there's fandom drama afoot in this post, but as I'd like to elaborate upon a leave of absence next month, it's kinda an unavoidable subject. If you'd rather skip all that, just know I'll be gone from 2/7-2/21. Hit me up on Discord if you'd like!

So, for those not in the know, I'll be taking a two-week vacation from fandom beginning next Wednesday (2/7). About twice a year or so, I disengage from the hustle and bustle of fanfiction to recharge my batteries, annnnnd this'll be one of those times. For clarification, this means I won't be around Tumblr/Bluesky during this time, so in case you notice I've dropped off the face of the internet, well, now you know why.

For those wondering, yes, this means I'm not participating in the Felannie fic exchange; actually, I'll be upfront and admit this timing's no coincidence, because you won't see me participate in any fic exchange events. Ever.

Why's that? As it happens, I entered said fic exchange some years ago -- my very first one, in fact -- and it was nothing less than an unmitigated disaster that not only completely destroyed my faith in the exchange process but very nearly ruined fandom for me. Having come off a miserable year-long adjustment period to fandom -- wherein I felt unappreciated and unwelcome in the unfamiliar realm of AO3 -- it became apparent I had to set some hard boundaries if I were to continue writing fanfiction; unfortunately, this is one such measure, and I don't foresee it going away anytime soon.

I'm sure some of you are curious about what happened; honestly, I'm hesitant to get into the "why" if only because I'd rather not ruffle any feathers on old grudges (as you'll see below, I hold an certain opinion that I know has set people off in the past), but as there's certain layers to this particular boundary, I feel it's necessary to provide some context. To summarize in three points:

1. I'm Not Being Ghosted Again. During that exchange, I spent two whole months writing a gift for a recipient I'd never met. This piece -- Waking Dream, which I still consider my Felannie masterpiece -- grew beyond my wildest dreams. It was like I was possessed: I could only watch as my fingers danced on the keyboard, typing out idea after idea, cracked gag after gag, illustrated metaphor after metaphor -- all breathed into life as a three-chapter 15k fic.

An epic fake-romance-turned-real. My very best work. Penned even under the rigors of my father's (thankfully treatable) cancer diagnosis. Meticulously designed word-by-word with, to their blessing, alterations to the recipient's original request. Daydreaming day and night of how much they'd love it. All this for someone I never knew, and my recipient responded to my passion by ghosting me.

Given the whole "year of misery" thing I just mentioned, you can imagine the heartbreak I endured.

Writing fanfic is already a stressful risk -- no one idea's guaranteed to find an audience, and it's a huge struggle molding any idea into the written word. With that in mind, the gift exchange's additional burden of expecting someone to express the basic courtesy to thank you is too unhealthy of an ask, and I'm absolutely not risking that outcome again because some asshole doesn't know when to cut ties with fandom fatigue. It's one thing to say there's little one can do about it, but regardless of the circumstances, it magnifies loneliness/rejection in what should otherwise be a celebratory event and that's just an unacceptable outcome no matter how you slice it.

2. Anonymity and I Are A No-Go. (Warning: Hot Take Alert!) While I respect the idea of post-reveal anonymity on the grounds that it provides private writers an "in" with these events, I personally don't care for the practice and I'll be quite frank in how its general treatment as an unspoken rule directly contradicts how these events are marketed. (Putting it this way: why bother with the guessing game mystery when such cases slip through the cracks after the fact? Just rip the band-aid off and be open about it so people know what they're getting into.)

To make this absolutely clear: people's reason for privacy are their own, and I don't begrudge them for that choice. But as someone who regularly struggles with fandom anxiety, I view the appeal of such events as natural avenues to bond with the community -- be it solidifying familiar bonds or making new friends -- and it's only natural to expect as much given how all that's baked into the concept. (Not to mention the thrill of the mystery.) I recognize how cold and entitled this may sound, but I simply can't meet that goal with an anon gift.

Needless to say, having just come off the ghosting sh*t, I wasn't thrilled this wasn't divulged beforehand. I'd elaborate on how things escalated -- I don't think I need to describe why "I'm not interested in sharing that rule and I'm sorry you didn't consider that beforehand" is a hollow, unempathetic apology displaying a shocking lack of humility and responsibility -- but while I won't pretend I handled that fiasco perfectly, there are reasons why I can't get into detail.

We can argue all day over what, exactly, a fic exchange entails, but the point here is that like anyone else, I'm not one to enjoy having the rug pulled under at the very last minute. Call me invasive if you must, but it's not my job to deduce unspoken caveats and I don't apologize for feeling misled.

3. The Feeling's Mutual. In case this wasn't obvious, I maintain strong objections to how the moderator runs things, and I'll leave it at that. (UPDATE - 10/10 2024 - this was in reference to the prior moderator.)

So, that's that, really.

Since that whole mess, my approach to fandom is that I approach projects that I can control. For instance, the variables involved with fic exchange events proved themselves too risky or incompatible with my tastes, but could there exist a compromise? You betcha: I'm always up for gift exchanges or fic collaborations between friends! In fact, I've done two since then -- Love, Elusive and One-Hit Knock-Out. With receptive partners eager to join hands, there's next-to-zero chance of anything going wrong, so I can happily write fics at my leisure. (Helps they both made a big splash, too! Some of my fondest memories.)

To clarify, yes, this unfortunately means I won't be reading anything from the event. I want to make perfectly clear that while the fic exchange is a huge sore spot for me, I don't begrudge anyone for entering it; seriously, go off and have fun. Really! I encourage it. My problems with the exchange are my own and the last thing I want to do is ruin everyone's fun. All I ask is that you respect my boundaries in turn and please, please don't take this personally.

Really, I wish things were different -- honestly, jumping through these hoops to stay engaged with fandom can be exhausting, and you'd be correct in assuming I'm still wrestling with some serious emotional baggage (enough, even, that I still wonder if it's all worth it) -- but I know this is my own problem to tackle and this is the healthiest method in handling it. In case you want to reach out to me, I'll still be on Discord, so hit me up or message me for my information!

[korgbelmont]

Choices Insiders March 2022

Here we are again with another Insiders, let's get to it.

Ramble Alert!!

I don't often restart chapters, but if I do, it's usually because I made a mistake somewhere

Craving something steamy and adventurous? Explore new boundaries in our most recent Wide Release book, Surrender, with new chapters releasing weekly on Fridays for all players!

This is one of the rare exceptions where I haven't started a book as I know how much of a negative representation of BDSM this book has been, and I just can't.

Get down and dirty with our newest country romance, Untameable, releasing now for all VIP players! Note: Due to technical issues, release times for Untameable chapters will vary on Fridays. We will post updates on our social media pages when a chapter goes live. Thank you for your patience as we work to resolve these issues.

So I've seen mixed responses for this, so I'll see what it's like when it becomes public.

Let’s take a behind the scenes look at some characters you will meet in one of our upcoming VIP books, Immortal Desires:

“Lewyn Junius isn’t your typical vampire. He cares about the human population of Crimson Beech, and you’d never catch him leaving a trail of bodies in his wake. Who better to have by your side?”

“Meet Astoria Yao, the no-nonsense principal of Crimson Beech High. She rules those hallowed halls with an iron fist… but will you be able to stay on her good side?”

Lewyn's description reminds me of a character like that, but I can't remember where at the moment. But I'm curious to see how they'll write him and how he became a Vamp and all that.

I love the name Astoria, and I'm curious as to whether or not she is a supernatural being or if she is just a human. Either way, I'm curious to see what type of character she will be and how she fits into it all.

Going by these, it seems like there is the possibility that Immortal Desires might be a multiple Love Interest book. I always enjoy Supernatural books, so it's nice that we're getting another one.

It looks we will have some points at a high school during this going by the fact that Astoria is a principal.

2. Will The Cursed Heart and Immortal Desires be gender of choice? Yes! Both books will feature a main character whose gender can be customized.

I feel like this may be more and more common as we go forward.

This I think will definitely be a dual POV book like Surrender, but I have no idea if it will be a single Love Interest for each lead or multiple, no clue at all, we'll see what advertising we get throughout the month.

Firstly, I absolutely love the fonts for The Cursed Heart and Immortal Desires.

Going by the title, it seems like Murder at Homecoming will be a High School set book, which I must admit is surprising as I didn't expect we'd see another. But it seems like this will be a mystery book as well.

Two public releases in one month! Feels like ages since we've had this sort of thing. We know that Crimes of Passion is releasing on the 6th April and as a guess, Untameable will be nearer the end of the month. I am surprised by how quickly they are putting out the public releases for Untameable and Princess Swap. I know they said that they were working to get them out as quick as possible and maybe I'm still in that mindset of VIP books releasing publicly ages after the VIP premiere, so yeah.

Can't really think of what more I can say about Nanny Affair without more info, so we'll have to wait and see.

Pixelberry Announcement Something BIG is in the works... We're working on a new product! Right now, it's still in its early stages, but we would love to hear your feedback! Sign up here to join the early closed beta waitlist and to get more news on what's next for us.

I'm guessing that this might be a new app of some form going by what I've seen other people talk about. I'm not going to sign up for it myself. But we'll see what happens and what it's all about.

That's it for this month, keep safe everyone!!

[flying-elliska]

Book Review : One Last Stop, by Casey McQuiston

4/5 stars

(light spoilers)

Alright so this was delightful from start to finish. The concept, first of all, was great - loner college student with a knack for investigation, August, falls in love with badass butch amnesiac from the 70s who is stuck out of time in the New York subway, Jane ; awesome. I find subways fascinating, full of history and spooky vibes and potential encounters and dreary routine and urban poetry (I guess this feeds into my obsession with underground places lmao) and the story made full use of the setting. Plus something about the smut scene in an empty metro carriage at 3 am over the Manhattan Bridge was like !!! ok unrealistic but blablabla women being scared away from public spaces and queer ppl being assaulted in the metro etc etc. beautiful. healing.

the dialogue is funny, the two main characters are interesting and likeable and their chemistry has a lot of electric zing and realness to it. sweet but not desexualized or trying too hard to be 'wholesome'. something about their dynamic of two characters who have drifted between places and have never been able to really put down roots due to complicated family history, finding an anchor in each other (on a moving train no less!) really worked for me. plus points for making the love interest a beautiful, desirable, butch character (and Chinese American as well) bc i feel there is so not enough of those. plus it's nice to have a bi character that's an awkward virgin instead of a Casanova, that's also stereotype breaking. honestly good bi rep.

i also really liked the found family of quirky roommates. overall it's a pretty classic stories of early-twenties coming of age, becoming an adult, learning to let people in, putting down roots, daring to become yourself fully, letting go of your past, etc - but done very well. liked all the nods to queer history as well, how entangled it is with city life, and i loved all the 'missed connections' notes of how Jane made an impression on people throughout the years.

unpopular opinion but i was never the biggest fan of Red White and Royal Blue, found it fun but too tropey, kinda bland, and honestly overrated. (and the Disneyfication of US politics really grating. also i just read too many presidential AU fics that were like. better.) my fave part of it was the character of Nora, the foul mouthed witty friend, and the author went with that sort of tone here, which i think she does very well, plus overall it feels like a more original and fully realized story. (which, again, is just my opinion, but it's again frustrating how little wlw stories get attention compared to mlm ones, etc.) so she's kind of won me over with this one, i might pick up 'I kissed Shara Wheeler' at some point.

a few quibbles that kept it from being an all time fave : i do still find her writing a bit, hm, immature in places, not as evocative as it could be. things do get tied up almost a little too neatly, and the love interest's radical politics feel a bit more like an aesthetic gimmick but the book has a big subplot about saving a landmark diner from gentrification so i'll give that a pass. Regarding August, i am also kind of annoyed that every single shitty parents storyline ends up with 'but they tried their best and we're more alike than we know and we reconcile because family!:!!!' like it would be nice to have characters' happy ending be them enforcing their boundaries and wanting distance for once. but maybe that's not fluffy romance territory idk. Also, the cover is - if not awful, nice colors - too close to boring Canva corporate style, i hate this trend, this could have been so much cooler honestly !!! but none of those things are a big deal.

anyway !! i enjoyed it a lot and as a light, funny romantic beach read it was perfect. definitely goes on my list of fave sapphic romances.

[thenewpathfinder2024-2034]

Most relationship mistakes have fixes, though, which is a good thing. Because last I checked, there was no manual for a partner who feels misunderstood or a partner who crosses on of your boundaries. It's a lot of trial and error. A lot of screwing up and forgiving.

W

You knsow that knowledge is power. And now that you know these common relationship mistakes and how to fix them, you can avoid the rocky road that leads to resentment and anger. You can be on the side of love and positive growth.

1. Not Setting Up Boundaries

Not setting up boundaries is probably the biggest, most common problem I saw in relationships. If we don't teach each other how we want to be treated, they won't know. Boundaries are essential to keeping the peace and being respectful in a relationship.

The Fix: When your partner says or does something that makes you uncomfortable, you have to let them know. This is how you lovingly establish boundaries. Try saying things like "Instead of X it would be better for me if you Y." Like, instead of yelling, "I would rather you took time to cool off." You can also be more direct, like "I don't want you to say 'I hate you' to me, ever, even if we're just playing." Boundary created.

2. Not Voicing Concerns

You partner is not perfect, so you can't treat them like they never do anything wrong. On the other hand, you don't want to be a constant critic. Both scenarios lead to resentment, frustration and anger on both your parts.

The Fix: You have to learn the difference between when a situation is something you should just let go, and when you need to speak up. This is hard and takes time. But it's worth doing. Otherwise, those little things that bother you will build up into big regrets.

3. Not Being Independent

One plus one does not equal one. People tend to get lost in relationships, which is not healthy. Maintaining independence while also fostering your closeness is the best way to go, Otherwise, you're creating this co-dependent soup that fosters more problems than it solves.

The Fix: Do your own thing once in a while. Have and hang out with your own friends. Keep doing your hobbies and working toward your personal goals. Spend alone time with yourself. You have to have a life outside of your relationship, too.

4. Making Unrealistic Promises

When you make unrealistic promises, that means you will eventually break those promises. Breaking promises is a great way to damage the trust you worked so hard to build in your relationships. Better to skip making promises you can't keep.

The Fix: Instead of saying "I will never hurt you" say, "I will do my best to never hurt you." Instead of saying "I'll handle it" every time there's a problem say, "we'll handle it together."

5. Depending On Each Other Too Much

If you're completely dependent on your partner, what will you do if your relationship ends suddenly? Being too dependent isn't healthy. Not only does it make things harder if the relationship ends, but it can keep you trapped with a lack of options.

The Fix: You have to be able to stand on your own as a whole, individual person, should your relationship end. Figure out whatever it takes to get there, and go for it, even if it's just baby steps. Learn how to use the bus. Take online classes. A little independence will make positive changes in your relationship, even if that seems counter-intuitive.

6. Not Making Time For Play

Play does amazing things for the friendship component of your relationship. Happy couples play, in whatever way works for them! They enjoy each other's company.

The Fix: Play! Be silly. Sing songs. Dance. Do fun things. Go on dates. Watch funny movies. Tell jokes. Goof around. Laugh. Whatever it takes to make each other smile and feel the light-hearted joy of being together.

7. Getting Lazy With Affection And Romance

Humans need touch to survive, and the chemicals in your brain that create those loving feelings thrive on touch. A relationship without touch is one doomed for failure.

The Fix: Create routines, at fist, like always kissing goodbye, or always hugging when someone gets home. Then, whenever you think about it, add in little things, like squeezing a knee on the train, holding hands during Netflix time, or even just randomly touching while you're running errands.

8. Trying Too Hard To Please Each Other

Trying too hard and doing too much sets up unrealistic expectations, which always lead to disappointment. You can't do everything and be everyone to your partner, no matter how much you may want to. This is especially problematic if one person is doing all of the pleasing in a relationship.

The Fix: Work on being your best self. Let your partner work on being their best self. You'll get into a rhythm soon enough. Be good to each other in a natural way. Go the extra mile once in a while, but not every single time you do something. It's not sustainable.

9. Not Communicating Changing Needs And Feelings

Couples can grow apart or grow together. To grow together, you have to keep getting to know each other, time and time again, month after month, and year after year. If you're not regularly checking in with each other on an emotional level, you'll soon lose your connection.

The Fix: Talk often. Discuss big, important things, like jobs, interests, kids, and family on a regular basis. Ask questions. Support each other during times of growth and change. Learn a little about the things that interest your partner.

10. Not Appreciating The Small Things

Big things are wonderful, but the bulk of life is made up of little things. If you don't appreciate the little things, and occasionally treat them like big things, you're in for a life of disappointment.

The Fix: Say "thank you" when you notice your partner doing something, even something small, like taking out the trash when it's your turn, or holding the door open. Practice gratitude for each other. Work harder to notice all the things your partner does for you that might otherwise go unnoticed. Pumping gas, or getting you a coffee can be a powerful way to show love.

11. Not Doing The Work

Relationships are hard. They're a lot of work. Sometimes you have to overlook the fact that you're super tired and you just want to go home because you promised you'd go somewhere with your partner. Sometimes you have to work hard to stifle criticism and find a more loving way to express your feelings. It's all part of the game. If you get too comfortable in your relationship, and you get lazy, then you're in for a bad time.

The Fix: You have to do the work. There's no other way to say it. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do things you don't want to do. If your partner and your relationship are worth it, you'll find a way.

You won't be able to avoid making all of these mistakes. But the good thing about that is the opportunity it presents to learn and become the best partner you could possibly be.