#so basically the end of season 2 would have happened before season 1 minus daniel involved at all

[h3ytheredemons]

i desperately need someone to write the "Armand-as-Rashid pretends to be Daniel's live-in caregiver after breaking up with Louis earlier than canon" AU fic that I have no energy or time to write myself

[sanctuaryforalluniverses]

To: Peter Lenkov, Re: Steve and Danny, “Hawaii 5-0” season 9

So we’re coming to the end of another season of “Hawaii 5-0,” the TV show that still refuses to accept the fact that it created one of the greatest love stories on television apparently by accident. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that CBS won’t let you finally let Steve and Danny be together the way they should be, but even if that’s true there are some more practical things we have to address.

Namely, the fact that you people have apparently once AGAIN forgotten how to write Steve and Danny. Yes, we’re all mourning the lack of Grace Park and Daniel Dae Kim, but I promise you that part of the reason your ratings dropped AGAIN in season 8 (after rising in season 7, a year with some of the most excellent Steve and Danny writing we’ve seen in some time) is that you’re fumbling the reason that the majority of people still watch your show. Since I know I can’t trust any of you to do the right thing and acknowledge the world as it truly should be, here are some tips to help recover those fans you’ve lost over the current season.

1) Stop throwing around the absurd, heavy-handed Rachel/Danny hints

Every time you make even the vague suggestion that Rachel and Danny should get back together, or there’s still potential for them, the entire audience cringes. You’ve established repeatedly that the two are toxic together, and that was before you had her do the worst possible thing anyone could do to Danny short of killing someone he loved (she kept his son from him, for YEARS, by not telling him he was his father. Danny holds fatherhood SACRED, and the fact that he wasn’t there for those years of Charlie’s probably still causes him pain). They are so unhealthy it’s painful to watch, and Danny at least seems to understand that. For all our sakes, stop trying to throw her at him.

2) For the love of all that’s holy, put Lynn and Melissa out of their narrative misery

While I consider it a blessing that they haven’t even been mentioned in what feels like 500 years, there’s still always the terrifying possibility that you will shove a random mention of them into an episode and once again remind us of the absurd charade of Steve and Danny’s “dating” lives. They’ve dated these women for years, supposedly, and yet clearly have no more place in the boys’ lives than someone they’d been dating for a few weeks. The rare times they’re even mentioned, it’s solely a reference to dating or sex - never hanging out with the kids, or spending time with the rest of the team, or interacting with either Steve’s sister or anyone in Danny’s family.

That’s not a relationship, Lenkov. That’s you occasionally screaming at the audience that the boys really do have sex with women, really, you even have proof of it.

So, for the sake of everyone’s dignity, throw in a mention somewhere that both relationships have finally, mercifully ended. Mentioning how much sex they supposedly have (which, for the record, is a WEIRD WEIRD WIERD thing to supposedly be discussing between the two couples) does absolutely nothing to convince us of Steve and Danny’s heterosexuality. All it does is remind us of the embarrassing charades that sometimes happen when people continue to lie to themselves about their true feelings. If CBS really wants to pretend that Steve and Danny are NOT madly in love with each other, this is not something you want to be reminding us of.

3) If Catherine comes back, it must only be as a bro

I started out liking Catherine, I really did. But then the whole “I love you, but I love danger more” nonsense happened (and happened, and happened) and I was filled with the burning desire to punch her in the throat. I feel like some of the things they talked about in the last episode were progress back to the friendship I actually enjoyed seeing, and if you keep that up I’ll start actually watching the episodes where she pops back up instead of skipping them. Given the ratings for the last Catherine episode to crop up, I’m guessing a lot of other people were skipping them, too.

4) Either move forward with the restaurant plot or end it

I liked the idea at first, but with everything that’s gone wrong it’s getting ridiculous. It’s clear that the only reason Steve is doing it at all is because Danny wants to, and Danny’s obsessed with it in a way that completely transcends the original idea of a retirement fantasy. It’s clearly a strained, increasingly painful metaphor for the life the two desperately wish they could build with each other, with heavy sprinklings of Danny’s fear about Steve’s physical health and I assume a metric ton of repressed longing. Every second they’re in there I want to get them both into therapy, stat, and I am begging you on my hands and knees to either let the damn thing start going right or give it a quick, merciful death and let both them and us move on with our lives.

5) Stop with the unsubtle hints that Steve/Danny would never work

Speaking of the restaurant, if this is your way of trying to convince us that Steve and Danny would never work as a romantic couple, let it go. They basically ARE a romantic couple, minus the sex, and we see that every second they’re onscreen. And, if the “being romantically involved ruined our friendship” comment was meant to be another allusion to this, it’s not even relevant. Steve and Danny are FAR more emotionally entangled than mere friendship would account for (I’ve lived with my best friend for more than a decade, and hoo boy what Steve and Danny have is so many million miles past even the deepest friendship), and the only thing that ever seems to give them trouble is when they try to fight that. Someone who’s a friend may have an equal slot to a person’s romantic partner, but for both Steve and Danny it’s painfully clear that (with the exception of Danny’s kids) they will always be the most important person in the other person’s life. No one else comes anywhere near close, including the long-term girlfriends they’ve both supposedly dated for years. (Danny even won out over Catherine, when he convinced Steve to come home from Afghanistan instead of going after Catherine). That’s not friendship, Lenkov.

You said it yourself in Danny’s fantasy flash forwards - all they really want is to spend the rest of their lives by each other’s side, and they can’t be bothered to add anyone else but Danny’s two kids into the mix. Adding regular sex into that would make it MORE normal, not less, and it certainly wouldn’t make things more stressful. Hell, it would probably make them both relax.

6) Junior and Tani are not a heterosexual replacement for Steve and Danny

Listen, I like them both. I really do. I even like their rapport. But despite the painfully, painfully obvious signaling you’ve been trying to shove down our throats, their banter does not even BEGIN to be a replacement for proper Steve/Danny banter. I understand you’re worried about both the boys leaving the show, but denying us their interaction while they’re still there isn’t the way to fix that - it’s just chasing us away early. Start giving us our regular dose of Steve/Danny banter, free of pointless restaurant angst, and let Tani and Junior develop their own thing.

7) Accept the truth, even if you never say it

What all of this is leading to, basically, is stop trying to pretend that there is some magical trick you can pull that will convince all of us that Steve and Danny are just bros. There isn’t one.

The thing is, you’ll actually draw less attention to that fact if you just let them be themselves. Clearly someone over there is convinced the world’s gonna end if you let them kiss onscreen, but they were practically married during the whole of season 7 and no one screamed about it. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, the ratings for your show actually went UP during that season, both in general and in that all-precious 18-49 year old demo (which, I hear, is supposedly the sort of thing studios like show ratings to do). Let them go back to that, cut out the ridiculous mentions of the women they supposedly are or should be dating, and let them have plots about other things (like, you know, maybe making Grace an actual character again instead of Hawaii’s newest urban legend).

I promise you - you, the studio, and the audiences will all be happier for it.

[junker-town]

UAB has a big challenge in 2019, but it’s overcome bigger

Bill Clark took his zombie program to a C-USA title in 2018 but must replace a truckload of seniors. What happens as he attempts to establish roster balance?

Bill C’s annual preview series of every FBS team in college football continues. Catch up here!

Bill Clark has been employed by the University of Alabama-Birmingham for five years. In that time, the following has happened:

He improved the Blazers by four wins, from 2-10 to 6-6 (and from 113th in S&P+ to 83rd) in his 2014 debut campaign.

He watched his team dissolved and sold for parts. UAB basically self-imposed a two-year death penalty for reasons that, as time has passed, have gotten no less dumb.

Somehow, he stayed. The former South Alabama defensive coordinator and Jacksonville State head coach could have found gainful employment elsewhere, but he chose not to. Even when he no longer had a roster.

He got his team back. The Blazers started playing football again in 2017.

It was announced that UAB would finally get the downtown (near-campus) stadium it had wanted for years.

Improbably, the Blazers picked up right where they left off on the field, going 8-5 with a Bahamas Bowl bid in 2017, then going 11-3 and winning Conference USA in 2018. They stomped Northern Illinois for the program’s first bowl win.

This will forever remain one of the strangest tales in college football’s strange history. Long an afterthought within the University of Alabama system, UAB football had to die to come back stronger.

Here’s where I want to deliver a change-of-direction, one-sentence paragraph like “And now the real work begins.” I’m not above such a thing, and it could be rather apt, for reasons I’ll discuss in a moment. But how in the world do you top “stayed in town to lead a zombie football program“ from a Bill Clark Degree of Difficulty standpoint? No matter what happens from here on out, it’s not that.

Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

Bill Clark at the Eddie Robinson Coach of the Year reception

But yeah, this year’s going to be tricky. Clark heads into 2019 replacing his leading passer, his top four wideouts, four starting offensive linemen, all three starting defensive linemen, four of his top five linebackers, and four of his top seven defensive backs. When he was putting together his zombie roster, he predictably leaned heavily into the JUCO ranks — you would, too, because the only other option was to hit the ground with a bunch of redshirt freshmen.

Though he tried his best to balance classes and not field a lineup with 22 juniors in 2017, Clark still had a lot of juniors. They became seniors for last year’s C-USA title run, and now they’re gone. He dipped back into the JUCO well a bit again this year and probably will most years moving forward, but 2019’s the season in which the quest for roster balance takes center stage. It might be at least momentarily bumpy.

He found a bridge last year at quarterback, though. Yes, technically leading passer A.J. Erdely is gone — that wasn’t just a rhetorical flourish — but freshman Tyler Johnston III took over in the starting lineup midseason and topped Erdely’s production dramatically: 8.7 yards per pass attempt (including sacks) vs. 6.6, plus-9.4 percent marginal efficiency vs. minus-2.4. He wasn’t quite as explosive as Erdely with his legs, but he was more efficient (49 percent success rate vs. 47).

With Johnston and junior running back Spencer Brown (1,227 rushing yards) both returning, there are somewhat proven pieces to build around, and the defense does return a handful of last year’s stars: linebacker Fitzgerald Mofor, safety Kristopher Moll, cornerback Brontae Harris, etc.

Clark’s Blazers need receivers, and they are completely unproven from a depth perspective. Predictably, S&P+ projects UAB to fall from 75th to 106th because of low returning production numbers. But in the three seasons he’s been able to field a team, Clark has engineered major overachievement all three times. This year will be tricky, but Clark gets the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. And there’s nothing you can throw at him and his program that will be harder than what they’ve already overcome.

Offense

Clark got his 2014 offensive coordinator back last fall. Bryant Vincent, who left for South Alabama when the program disbanded, returned to Birmingham and engineered at least a little bit of improvement. The Blazers rose from 117th to 104th in Off. S&P+ and perhaps would have improved more with a full season of Johnston at the helm. This is a defense-first program and likely always will be with Clark in charge, but the offense had the makings of an identity last fall, combining run-first efficiency with big-play passing.

With Johnston, the pass didn’t have to play quite as complementary a role. He was 25-for-39 for 306 yards, two touchdowns, and two picks against a good Texas A&M defense late in the year, then torched an almost equally strong NIU defense to the tune of 17-for-29 for 373 yards, four scores, and one pick in the Boca Raton Bowl.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Tyler Johnston III

Of course, he achieved that with a bunch of receivers that won’t be suiting up this year. Xavier Ubosi, Andre Wilson, Collin Lisa, and Kailon Carter combined for 123 catches, 2,285 yards, and 16 touchdowns last year, then all departed. Leading tight end Donnie Lee is gone, too.

Only two returning wideouts caught passes in 2018; Kendall Parham and Austin Watkins combined for 21 catches and 279 yards. Parham matched the departed seniors from an efficiency standpoint, but the 5’10, 180-pound senior from Hattiesburg will be facing a lot more No. 1 cornerbacks this coming season.

Some former star recruits will have to step up. Junior Demetrius Davis and sophomore Kevin Davis were both three-star prospects once upon a time, and if he makes it to campus, so is JUCO transfer Markus Grossman. Sederian Copeland was one of Clark’s best zombie recruits and caught 11 balls in 2017 before missing last year with injury. So maybe there’s some upside to this new receiving corps. But the turnover is comprehensive, and the depth is unproven.

John Glaser-USA TODAY Sports

Spencer Brown

Vincent’s offense was pretty predictable last year — run on run downs (sixth in standard downs run rate), throw on throwing downs (92nd in passing downs run rate) — and at least the former part of that will probably remain in 2019. The Blazers might have an unproven passing game, but they do have a workhorse in Brown. The 220-pound junior doesn’t bring much explosiveness to the table, but UAB ranked 33rd in opportunity rate (percentage of non-sack carries gaining at least four yards), and he was a primary reason why.

For a change of pace, UAB’s also got Jonathan Haden again. The senior-to-be, a former Arizona back, also missed 2018 with injury, and while he’s the size of a slot receiver (5’7, 175), there’s size behind Brown on the depth chart, too, sophomores Lucious Stanley (6’0, 215) and Arkansas State transfer Larry Wooden (6’0, 210).

There might be decent depth at running back, but it’s hard to say the same about the line. Center Lee Defour — one of the two remaining 2014 Originals (along with kicker Nick Vogel) — is the only returning starter, and while three others saw spot starts (seniors Andrew Smith Jr. and Davide Galten, junior Greg Fecanin), all four departed starters were either first- or second-team all-conference. The bar is high. Clark signed two mammoth three-star JUCOs (Sidney Wells and Matthew Trehern) to try to stem the tide here.

Defense

David Reeves served as defensive line coach in 2014, then remained with Clark during UAB’s hiatus and took over as defensive coordinator when, you know, the Blazers had a defense to coordinate. After a mix-and-match 2017, UAB’s senior-heavy 2018 defense dominated. The Blazers surged to 45th in Def. S&P+, attacking you on both standard downs and passing downs.

UAB on standard downs: 2nd in marginal efficiency, 72nd in marginal explosiveness, 2nd in sack rate

UAB on passing downs: 28th in marginal efficiency, 96th in marginal explosiveness, 6th in sack rate

This was an all-or-nothing, get-you-before-you-get-me kind of style, and it worked beautifully with 2018’s experienced personnel. There will almost certainly be a drop-off in 2019, but the size is yet to be determined.

John Glaser-USA TODAY Sports

Fitzgerald Mofor (52)

We’ll start in the back, where there’s reason for optimism. Brontae Harris was one of Pro Football Focus’ 10 top-graded cornerbacks last season, combining four tackles for loss with 13 passes defensed, and nickel back Kristopher Moll was dynamite both near the line of scrimmage (7.5 TFLs) and further away (five passes defensed). The next two cornerbacks after Harris are gone, but sophomore Starling Thomas could be ready for a star turn. Former star recruit CD Daniels could also see more playing time.

That’s a good start. The safety position is tenuous enough beyond Moll that a couple of running backs (Jarrion Street and Trey Whitmore, who combined for 297 rushing yards in 2018) converted to DB, but between the former RBs and veterans like Dy’jonn Turner and former Indiana safety Will Dawkins, there are some non-freshman options.

Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

Garrett Marino (44)

Up front, UAB’s got lineman Garrett Marino, linebacker Fitzgerald Mofor, and who-the-heck-knows after that. Those seniors are the only front-seven returnees who made at least 12 tackles last season.

Clark added three JUCOs (including 355-pound behemoth Tony Fair) and USF transfer Mi’Cario Stanley and, in anticipation of this year’s turnover, attempted to use the new four-game redshirt rule to his benefit — both nose tackle Fish McWilliams and linebacker Jalen Rayam were given sporadic rotation time. As with the receiving corps, there is a mixture of new and old here, and it might work out, but UAB needs both new first- and second-stringers, which obviously calls depth into question.

Special Teams

You could make a decent case that UAB’s special teams is the most proven returning unit on the roster. The Blazers ranked 25th in Special Teams S&P+ last year, thanks in part to Nick Vogel’s automatic touchbacks on kickoffs and punter Kyle Greenwell’s high, mostly un-returnable punts.

Vogel was automatic inside of 40 yards (12-for-12, plus 51-for-52 on PATs), if very much not outside of 40 (3-for-12). The primary new face in this unit will be in returns, where someone has to replace the efficient Andre Wilson. I know of one freshman who’ll likely get a shot at the job.

2019 outlook

2019 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 29-Aug Alabama State NR 36.0 98% 7-Sep at Akron 124 7.6 67% 21-Sep South Alabama 127 13.5 78% 28-Sep at Western Kentucky 101 -3.7 42% 5-Oct Rice 126 12.7 77% 12-Oct at UTSA 128 9.4 71% 19-Oct Old Dominion 119 10.3 72% 2-Nov at Tennessee 21 -25.2 7% 9-Nov at Southern Miss 74 -12.3 24% 16-Nov UTEP 130 21.2 89% 23-Nov Louisiana Tech 86 -4.9 39% 30-Nov at North Texas 84 -10.2 28%

Projected S&P+ Rk 106 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 119 / 76 Projected wins 6.9 Five-Year S&P+ Rk -6.7 (92) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 91 2018 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 0 / 4.5 2018 TO Luck/Game -1.6 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 36% (33%, 39%) 2018 Second-order wins (difference) 10.1 (0.9)

Act III of Clark’s UAB tenure begins this fall. It won’t be a stupid as Act I or as incredibly redeeming as Act II, but it’s just as important. Recruiting is picking up, and the new stadium is on the horizon, and while Clark is allowed a few mulligans at this point, we’ll see if recent efforts to brace for 2019’s massive turnover pay off.

The schedule certainly won’t hurt. UAB has one of the cakiest slates you’ll ever see for an FBS team; the Blazers won’t play a single opponent projected higher than 101st in S&P+ until November, and that doesn’t even tell the whole story: after starting with Alabama State, they’ll play five of the 12 worst-projected FBS teams: Akron and South Alabama in non-conference play, then Rice, UTSA, and ODU in C-USA action.

The schedule gets tougher late, with trips to Tennessee, Southern Miss, and North Texas and a visit from Louisiana Tech. But even with a pessimistic No. 106 projection, S&P+ still gives the Blazers good odds of reaching another bowl. And if they overachieve, as Clark teams are wont to do, they won’t need many breaks to reach at least eight or nine wins.

If they pull that off during a massive overhaul season, just think of what they might accomplish when they’ve got some semblance of roster balance.

Going 8-4 or so during a rebuild would be an amazing story, but honestly, if UAB has done anything in the last five years, it’s normalize the word “amazing.” Everything that has happened since Clark came to town, both good and bad, has qualified for that adjective. And it’s been a lot more good than bad recently.

Team preview stats

All 2019 preview data to date.

[fossadeileonixv]

WTF FRIDAY! NO LONGER A MISSFIELD EDITION!

Yeah...those are tears of joy folks. Grown men do cry sir!

We finally have a MIDfield.

-  Is it possible that we actually have a better MIDFIELD than Juve does? 

Right now we have Bakayoko, Biglia, Kessie, Hakan and Jack (injured)

Juve has Pjanic, Can, Betancur, Khedira and Matuidi with Ramsey coming in.

Other than maybe Pjanic’s free kick skills, which of course have disappeared thanks to Ronaldo, is there much separating us from them? We are definitely younger and I would argue stronger and faster. Sure they might have some age and experience on their side, but that only means they are in need a major overhaul. Honestly they’ve never been the same since Pogba left. They may still have a slight edge on us, but I think it’s closer than most realize.

- Daniele Orsato is the worst kind of ref

Shortly after I started refereeing a veteran ref gave me some excellent advice. When it comes to giving out yellow cards, you need to get something in return. What does that mean exactly? In short it means that if I give a player a yellow, I need that player to slow down and respect the fact that if they continue, I will give them a red. Orsato does not do this. He hands out a ton of yellows, often times early in games, but doesn’t demand anything in return.

Case in point? He has handed out 75 yellows in the league this year, 20 more than anyone else, and zero red cards. 

How is it possible that he has seen 75 yellow card offenses yet not a single straight red? Not a single second yellow? That seems impossible. 

What ends up happening is that guys get a yellow, get called for another foul or two, realize Orsato won’t give them a second yellow, and just kick the crap out of everyone. Just look at the 2 games he has had Milan this year, against Torino and Lazio. In both games the temperature of the match got way too high and things got out of control. He easily could have handed out second yellows and even straight reds in each game. Yet he did nothing. It blows me away that he gets CL games. 

- There’s just too much VAR right now

Frank Crivello had a good point on the Serie A Sitdown Podcast the other day:

Is it possible VAR is getting used too much and also is it being used simply because it’s there and not necessarily when needed?

I hadn’t thought about it before, but it’s an excellent observation.

Before VAR came on the scene I was a huge critic of it. I hate it’s use in the NFL. I used to love the NFL but now find it nearly unwatchable. VAR, we call it instant replay here,  is a big reason why. It has intruded on every part of the game. Almost everything is reviewable. It’s so bad that after any great play, the first thing an announcer will do is question whether it will be reviewed or not.

It’s kind of a buzzkill.

As far as I’m concerned VAR should only be used for offsides and calls along the goal line, i.e. whether the ball crossed the line or not. Call it the Muntari line if you will. That’s it.  Instead we are seeing it used for all sorts of things, the sort of things that are judgement calls in the refs mind (cards, fouls, intent, handling) that when reviewed and watched in slow motion lose all context of the game itself. The game isn’t played in slow motion, so why referee it that way?

Also if you’re super paranoid, it just gives Juve more avenues to bend things in their favor.  

- Updated PLUS/MINUS for the year so far:

KEEPER: Donnarumma +16

DEFENDERS: Musacchio +16, RR +12, Calabria +11, Romagnoli +11, Abate 6, Conti 5, Zapata 2, Laxalt E

MIDS: Kessie 16, Paqueta 10, Bakayoko 8, Biglia, 7, Mauri E

ATTACKERS: Calhanoglu 14, Suso 13, Piatek 8, Cutrone 6, Castillejo 6, Borini 4, Higuain 1

We are basically +10 as a team since Paqueta showed up. Of all the numbers, that one stands out the most right now. 

What a difference a MIDFIELD makes!

- I shared this the other day but it’s worth repeating:

AC MILAN FACT OF THE DAY: Over 2 seasons, Gattuso's record over 2 January’s and February’s now stands at 14 wins, 1 loss and 6 draws. In those 21 games Milan have outscored their opponents 33-6 and have 15 clean sheets.

The ability of this team, no matter the ownership, manager or players, to play well in the early spring is amazing. We also did it under Montella and Mihajlovic. Seedorf too. There just must be something in the water over there at Milanello.

See you all tomorrow!

Lisi