#so amazing I’m genuinely so sad about this what the hell 😭

[jooniez]

plssss 😭😭😭

[moviebloggg]

What I noticed TSN rewatch🤪

Eduardo coming to Marks dorm looking concerned at TWO AM. “You and Erica split up” Why r u checking his blog at 2:08 am… - 12:33 and his CONCERN the whole time “it’s on ur blog :(, Are you alright :(, I’m here for you” like damn

Dustin’s adorable wave to Wardo :((( - 12:34 and DUSTIN LAUGHING AT THE “i’m here for you. no i need the algorithm” LMAOO - 12:43

Wardo waiting for him after the face mash meeting :( sitting down, headphones in, clearly been there for a while - 20:32

EDUARDOS DADDY ISSUESSSSS. “You have no idea what that’s gonna mean to my father” - 37:04 AND THEN MARK SAYING “Sure I do” LIKE HE KNOWS AND CARES TOO. Also, “My father won’t even look at me. (1:40:03) and there’s one more time i know he mentions it i just don’t know where😭

“have you slept yet?” (36:06) even after mark made him wait and in that tone like aw

BRO THE FREAKING BEER THING. stop aaron sorkin david fincher you fucking menaces how dare you put that there. (46:58)

Eduardo’s “oh my god…” at 51:29 when he realizes that they are in the stall next to them

THE LOOK AT 52:09. OMG KILL ME RN.

Eduardo’s sad and painful look at Mark after Sy brings up animal cruelty, like ‘really, you went that low?’ - 1:12:39

Marks tap on Sys shoulder saying ‘stop no don’t go there’ - 1:12:42

The parallel of how happy and jokey Mark is when in the dorm during the chicken scene with Wardo being put side by die with how hostile they are and how sad he looks in the deposition scenes. he never once smiles.

Marks sad look at Eduardo after being exposed - 1:14:39

Eduardo’s disbelief at Mark going so low as the chicken thing 1:14:41

Mark opening his mouth to protest against 1:14:43

the pain in Eduardo’s eyes after Mark makes a half joke that probably would used to make him laugh. also the look of betrayal and the eyes that say I don’t even know you anymore. 1:18:17

The disconnect between Mark and Sean. “Ever think about that girl?” “No???” 1:23:52

How so genuinely happy Mark looks when greeting Eduardo in Cali. The little grin. The surprising him. The wack on the arm. the ‘Wardo’. - 1:30:50

“I want- i-i want- I need you.” aaron. sorkin. what. the. fuck.

“I didn’t know whether to dress for the party or the business meeting, so i kinda dressed for both.” (1:41:51) Um aaron you did not have to go so deep with that one my god do you ever think of our feelings.

The piano coming in at 1:43:46 after the reveal is just so heartbreaking.

The PAINNNNN in his voice at “You set me up 😕” (1:43:51)

Throughout the whole confrontation scene, Mark looks like he’s going to cry. so so badly. especially at 1:44:50 like PAIN. And 1:45:27, “Yeah” - 1:45:50, and the REPEATING “You didn’t have to be that rough on him.” (1:46:00).

When he hit 1,000,000 people on HIS OWN WEBSITE he looks downright depressed. not happy in the slightest. he just hit this amazing milestone. should be like the happiest moment of his life. yet he looks like he wants to cry. I wonder why. 1:47:10-1:47:20

Marks outfit during the deposition w the Winklevi being a collared shit and sweater, outfit during the first deposition with Eduardo being a half zip up, and then wearing a FULL SUIT for the second one?? okay then

You don’t really realize it but I think it’s fitting that the last we see of Eduardo the whole movie is the confrontation. Like chronologically, he’s in it for way after, but with the actual editing and all the time skips, his last line is “Makes me look so tough” and thats the last we see him. pretty cool.

through the whole movie just THEIR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS DURING THE DEPOSITION. the SADNESS and REGRET constantly portrayed in mark. the PAIN AND BETRAYAL constant in Eduardo.

THE MOTHER FUCKING NORTH FACE ZIP-UP. WHAT THE HELL DAVID FINCHER. yeah this was genuinely insane tho. like that was unhinged. aaron sorkin, david fincher, AND WHOEVER THE BLESSED COSTUME DEISGNER WAS, reached new levels. we could’ve chalked everything up to gay people always looking for gay people in film, for exaggerating things that were only slightly there because of the need for more representation. but the north face zip up?? come on. I need to get me one of those now. the timeline makes so perfect sense too. We see Eduardo first wearing it when chilling in his dorm - 31:25. Then we next see him in it when at the intern “interviews” - 1:16:20. Then we don’t see if again for a little while, until MARK wears it during the business meeting - 1:33:52. This happens AFTER Eduardo visits Pao Alto. So he goes to Cali, presumably leaves the zip-up, (maybe even gives it??) and then ever since then Mark wears it in almost EVERY SINGLE scene. Because he misses Wardo. ITS INSANE. Like, the business meeting, then the phone call to Wardo. - 1:36:25. Then he wears it during the whole conformation, and is still wearing it later that night when Sean calls him. Like wow. That right there? Insanity. Purely CANONICAL gay insanity

and finally just some more character noticings. I really just love Divya omg. and the winklevii. like they r just so comedic at times. the first time i watched i viewed ty and cam as like one entity, but this time i really payed attention and like they r so different. cam usually takes the lead and he is very level minded and calm, while tyler is very hotheaded.

The first time andrew garfield just captivated me. i mean duh, he’s andrew garfield. but this time i just, wow. JESSE. he was perfect. PERFECT. best actor should’ve been his hands down. every single word he said was so calculated and made so much sense for his character like. and the real best part of his acting was his reactions, to everything that everyone else said. like he knocked it out of the park completely.

[cocogum]

I'm sad the great wave volume is over and eager for the next. But I think I enjoyed following through your commentary more than actually getting the story xD

So, thanks for that.

I’ve been giggling at ur comment for two minutes now 🥰🥰

DON’T TELL ME NICE THINGS, MY JAW’S ABOUT TO POP OFF FROM SMILING TOO MUCH-

But in all seriousness, your lovely comment means more than you’ll ever know.

Every Thursday when a new chapter was uploaded, I found myself re-reading it repeatedly. I had to carefully organize my thoughts to articulate them clearly and in a logical order for others to easily follow. I also had to screenshot every panel I needed to reference in order to illustrate my points.

I often have to combine two or three panels into one using Picsart on my phone because Tumblr only allows 10 images and 30 images on the website. This way, I can avoid discarding or wasting any of the images I want to share. Additionally, I sometimes use ibisPaint X to cover up certain parts in images where I cropped them and it affected the appearance of the eyes.

But don’t get me wrong, despite going through this hell every Thursday night, the chapters were a joy to read, and I enjoyed reflecting on them while considering how to approach discussing them.

In short, it was hell but I enjoyed the full process 💖

But it’s obviously not over for the great wave series lol

Since the physical copy of the first volume featured 5 chapters (the 10 webtoon episodes got fused into 5 chapters), this means that we’re only at the very beginning of the Great Wave manga’s story. (I can’t believe we’re still at the beginning even though it feels like we’re already in deep shit 💀)

Tot pretty much confirmed on Twitter that there will be around 100 chapters to prepare for.

That means I’m aware we’ll see much more mature themes (*cough* chapter 1 *cough*) and much more graphic content (*cough* possible horrid assassination of the royal osamodas family *cough* no I am not delusional).

That means I’m aware I’ll have to keep this whole commentary thing going about a hundred times 😄🤭😁

But to know that you enjoyed my commentary more than the story is just-

Wow??? I am speechless???

Like-

What do I even say to that??

I get that the story gave us a huge weekly migraine cuz of the chicken and gorilla but omg???

I am genuinely happy that I made your migraine bearable throughout those weeks, thank you so so much for telling me 😭💖

Just the thought of knowing that you liked them makes me wanna bash some blue animals again 👹👹

I hope you’re having a wonderful day/evening/night imatekuani 💖💖💖

(I see you got a King pfp 👀 ur even more amazing for having good taste ✨💕💕 I’m also pissed disney had to end the owl house earlier than expected)

[podsn]

⚠️AHSOKA FINALE SPOILERS⚠️

Okay so imma talk a bit about this final episode cuz holy shit

So first Ashoka and Sabine are now stranded along with baylan and shin. Holy fuck. They sent Ezra home but now they’re stranded. I have a strong feeling Ahsoka and Sabine are going to grow very close. I genuinely thought they were gonna make it back or Ahsoka was gonna die fighting Morgan but I am glad that did not happen 🤧 I honestly have no predictions for a season 2 rn.

Baylan found statues of what looks to be The Father and The Brother (that’s what I’m going with rn they may not be) No sister but maybe that has something to do with Ahsoka idk. The Father statue also looks to be pointing at a mountain which probably holds the secrets Baylan is searching for.

Shin is going to join up with these samurai raiders. This is going to. Be interesting I feel like she is gonna become one of there leaders like Ezra to the Noti. Not much to say on this cuz it was a very small part of the episode but I did think it was interesting.

I honestly did not expect the whole Morgan becoming a full witch. It was cool to see how they become true nighsisters and how she got The Sword of Talzin. Also her fight with Ahsoka is very cool I’m glad we got that rematch but also Ahsoka is badass for killing Morgan with her own sword.

OKAY so I know there are gonna be a lot of mfs that hate this but SABINE USED THE FORCE. Idk how to feel about this. I think it’s cool and I’m gonna enjoy it and roll with it for now but I will say this. Not every character needs to be a Jedi but this I will say is pretty cool in my opinion ik this will be quite the debate.

I really wish we could have seen more of Baylan this episode especially since I know they are definitely gonna recast him cuz his role clearly isn’t finished. Now that the series is over I will say Ray Stevenson was an amazing actor and deserves so much credit for this role. I’m so sad he never got to see just how much we loved him in this. Rip Ray ❤️

Thrawn trying to get at Ahsoka saying she will become like her master. Ahsoka before this series I believe would have been greatly affected by that statement but after the WBW meeting with Anakin she clearly has so much more confidence in who she is. Very cool to see Ahsoka’s development throughout this series. She has become much more warm and happy it was nice to see her grow.

Also I wonder why Ahsoka says this is where her and Sabine belong? Maybe she is saying it’s like the will of the force that they are here but this is definitely going to be interesting. Now that Thrawn is an immediate danger to The New Republic I believe they will make more of an effort to go get Ahsoka and Sabine but I do think it will be awhile. Though I’m very excited to see how this changes Ahsoka and Sabine as master and apprentice and also to see if they get stronger in the force and stuff especially since those statues of The father and The brother are there. This place clearly has a deep connection to the force.

Chopper instantly knowing it was Ezra 😭❤️ also Hera’s reaction to seeing Ezra again but also now he’s back and Ahsoka and Sabine are gone. These mfs can’t catch a break.

Also then talking about Kanan with huyang 😭 then huyang giving Ezra the one and only replacement to Kanan’s lightsaber. I’m so glad we got some Kanan talk.

Also we got to se MORAI. I was waiting for her to pop up I’m so glad we got to see her since we know she follows Ahsoka wherever she goes even if it’s across the galaxy.

And finally. Holy shit force ghost Anakin. This ain’t WBW Ahsoka’s version of Anakin. This is him. Ahsoka got her final closure with her master. This also may be the last time we see Anakin. If this is the last time we see him I wanna say that Hayden has done such a good job at this character. I genuinely loved watching him on screen.

This is about all I have to say about this episode right now. It was a good finally with one hell of a cliffhanger. I definitely think we are getting a season 2. When? I have no clue imma be honest i have a feeling it’s gonna be a few years but I’ll wait as long as I get more greatness like this series.

This has genuinely become my favorite Star Wars show. Every week had me on the edge of my seat excited for the next episode and I know a lot of others felt the same way. The acting was good. The writing was good. The music was fucking amazing every episode. Great world building, great villains, just overall great storytelling. I’m very excited to see what happens next

[marvelights625]

Loki season 2 episode 4!!!!!

spoilers…

okay, so, it was a total banger. started off by revealing the big secret. they really don’t waste any time. johnathan majors did amazing as victor timely. it’s so cool how he can manipulate between evil and good so simply. loki was amazing. i like how they really regarded his past self with who he is now. (even tho he is the main hero it kinda feels that they are focusing so much on other characters and the plot that they’re not focusing on him. kinda!)

idk whatever the hell is going on with sylvie but there is no character development whatsoever. she’s sorta blaming everyone and everything for being a liability, but actually behaving like one herself. i think if marvel just really stop denying the fact that she’s not a hero, and she is genuinely flawed and not always right, and just let her be herself, it would be better. and she had no right to approach mobius’ personal decisions like that. i don’t think they’ll ever go over the fact that the only reason timelines are being pruned and the tva is in danger is her fault. (i respect all the sylvie fans and people who don’t see it like that its just my opinion)))

d-90 i didn’t know you (or care about you) but it made me sad to see you violently ripped from space and time.

brad, please stop, bro what is even going on 😭

i hope all those tva agents rest knowing they’re heroes (they are right????)

i want this to push b-15 to fight for them.

i’m kinda glad ravonna got pruned. there’s just so many problems in the show and it needs the focus on the main one so they really have to stop adding more problems by making each and every character driven by what they want.

victor timely just suddenly dying like that left me with a hung jaw. that was the most unexpected thing ever. marvel’s really focusing on their content.

the vfx and the filming shots are so good. i hope marvel is back!!!

i know they won’t die because that kinda defeats the purpose of the show, but why put the team into a room that’s going to vaporise due to radiation?!?!

AND LEAVE IT THERE.

i feel like there could’ve been lesser subplots like the whole thing with dox and x-5, the whole thing with ravonna and victor (bcuz the conversation was really slow).

but it was damn good and there was so much quality put into the filming, writing, plot, and especially acting.

i can’t wait for ep5!!!

[danganronpafan777]

danganmon reading update also how thy day going!

Not too bad!! I’ve been busy with a Wattpad story, and a TON of irl stuff, but I just finished Chapter 2!

Here’s some notes/reactions while I was reading it/watching Blaze’s playthrough

SPOILERS

Danganmon Chapter 2 from someone who knows nothing about Pokémon:

I’m curious to see what Faust looks like without the mask as much as everyone, but ngl it kinda rubbed me the wrong way that they were pushing him so hard when it’s clearly a sore subject

HE LOOKS SO FREAKING CUTE THO

Sam: “…I think it looks nice too, maybe in this case “cute” would be the right word”

Ayooo

Last chapter, I wasn’t sure whether I should ship them or see it as a sibling relationship, but I’m leaning towards shipping

Faust keeping the mask on because he wants to be taken seriously is honestly a pretty valid reason (it’s a nice twist instead of a scar or trauma)

Maya is growing on me ngl

She reminds me of a more socially awkward Rei

Flidgey being amazing as always 

Cyrillo and Wimessir give that “We will be adored” energy 

Kami deadass asking Cyrillo why he’s tall- 

This premotive game sounds like a fun concept! I feel like Sam is gonna let Faust win

Fry seems like such a cutie that it makes me scared

So Kami and Fry don’t actually have to face off against each other? I’m assuming all the funhouses are different, so theirs is just not competitive?

BRO LAVA??

They’re literally exchanging their fav flowers while trying to escape from lava 😭 I honestly like this duo and I’m scared Fry might die

Sam really disappeared faster than my will to live 

Okay Zoro definitely giving blackened energy

Zoro and Roxanne got some sibling energy tho

I want to hug Faust so bad 

Maya and Flidgey friendship is unexpected but not unwelcome in the slightest (I actually love this dynamic)

Flidgey: A ghostly guy and a ghostly girl… lemme guess, some guy tried to suck you up with his vacuum? 

I love her sm

Stella and Cyrus being bullied by a robotic Gordon Ramsay for burning bread is def my favorite fun room 

Voodoo doll motive :0

Apollo probably got Maya, I’m calling it now

I’m getting some death flags from Lillie and Juno…

At least one of the melons is probably poisoned

Glad Sam apologized and everything worked out. Genuine apologies and communication is rarer than it should be in dangan/fangans

I’m officially on board with Sam x Faust and Maya x Flidgey 

If any of them die I’m rioting man

(Flidgey raised some death flags and if she goes then I’m quitting this fangame I swear /hj)

…FUCK

*end credits*

(I swear that wasn’t planned)

A trade between dolls?  Apollo is probably involved, but it’d be a cool twist if Flidgey was the one who swapped

I’m never forgiving whoever the hell killed Flidgey tho 

Okay now Apollo starting to piss me off (Still like his character tho)

CALLING HER FRIDGEY BRO THE DISRESPECT

(I hate how it made me laugh)

Wimessir is my top suspect tho, she’s just acting a bit sus

I KNEW IT

WTF APOLLO YOU BITCH

Okay I forgive Wim but Apollo you’re dead to me

Oh god, using Cyrillo against her is a whole new level of screwed up

KICK HIS ASS CYRILLO

Sapphire tucking in Juno’s doll makes me feel a lil better tho

CYRUS MY MAN

Out of all the antags in dangan, Apollo is the first to just be badshit insane, and like a genuine pychopath

(Well, his backstory does sound screwed up from what little we’ve seen of it)

The bags under Cyrillo’s eyes makes me sad :(

I actually loved this chapter tho, the funhouse games and the bonding between the characters is such a good buildup

9/10

The investigations are a bit short and Wimmessir’s guilt came a bit out of nowhere (In terms of evidence. I had suspicions from her behavior, but Apollo’s accusation and the purple hair was a bit abrupt) It felt like everyone turned against her rather quickly, and not much could really prove her involvement, but her execution was well done

This was great, but I kept thinking of the ways a reader would fit into the story which really shows the type of person I am (I write too many x readers lmao)

[nerdyenby]

Aqua time :D I’m watching H’s vod

Pregame

The calm before the storm is worse, 100% agree. The event is amazing but the wait before and after the end are such low lows

H and Dave just vibing :))

“False is here too?! Surely something must’ve been scheduled” I love H so much

“It’s been 1,217 days since I’ve won MCC, but who’s counting?” “… You?” I think I’ve seen a grand total of one Dave Krtzyy video but between finding out they’re nonbinary, this joke, and the raw vibes??? I love him

Talking about how the npc cat is thick AND smarter than all of them combined is killing me

Dave saying they hope sands of time “will do from my enemy to my lover” 😭

False is so funny she doesn’t get enough credit

Parkour Tag

Cub cracked????

False did such a good job hunting we need to talk about it

I got so startled by Beky getting H I slammed my elbow into my desk lol

Rocket Spleef

Dave Krtzy having banger opinions left and right, good for them

He really is just saying stuff and all of its iconic, from “the rare true democracy” to “channel your inner elytra”

People taking the time to type during rocket spleef will never not be funny to me

Everyone hitting Jimmy is so Jimmy of him

False top 5 :))

Dave top 10 after getting 35th??? We love that improvement

Phil is never not an icon

Unfortunate minecraft physics, rip

H and Dave being 19th and 20th is so funny because I was like “buddies :D” and H said “I’m beating you, suck it”

H affectionately bullying Dave is my new favorite thing, actually

Sands of Time

“I uh don’t have the best track record at uh…. being good at sands of time” Dave 😭

“Hi HBomb!!” from H and his teammates is so sweet

I love the calm vibes, no frantic strategizing, just clarifying and communicating

“Dave I’m gonna be pestering and annoying the hell out of you” “As you should” I love them

H: “Has anyone seen the blue pathway” also H: *is currently in the blue pathway* my streamer’s oblivious /lh

False 9th and everyone hyping her up :D

Sky Battle

I love skybattle I swear but I was zoned out like the entire time

H killing Sniff :( my boys :((

Dave was so sad when they fell, it’s okay dude <333

Good plays in round 3!!!

Ace Race

Merely vibing

H popped off and didn’t even think anything of it, the raw power

Battle Box

Aw don’t love that slump where everyone stops listening to each other. It happens with most teams, it’s not their fault, people just get too in their own heads

False literally said it was their side like three times :(

That round was clean

The final round coming down to Purpled on 2 health vs Dave on 1 was such a good final fight, holy crap

Grid Runners

Best game time :D

They’re improving every round, I love that for them

I don’t think I properly appreciated how fast cyan’s crafting grove was before just now

They slayed waterfall lamps tho

H’s mind, man

I love when people who are historically more withdrawn take charge without hesitation, MCC has done so much for H’s confidence <3

Omg they got first????

“God, our minds are so huge compared to these dorks” “MASSIVE!!”

Own that confidence kings!! Love that for them <33

H is such a cool guy, he’s genuinely enthusiastic about how they’re 2nd without a top 10 individual. He just thinks it’s neat. He’s a top player who doesn’t care about stats but experience, and that’s what makes him the epitome of MCC :)

H saying “if another team goes nutty and gets a massive amount of fruitberries points or whatever then they deserve it, they can take our spot” WHAT DID I JUST SAY?? We stan one (1) cishet white guy here and it’s HBomb94

TGTTOSAWAF

Dave’s speech <333 I love them

I felt H’s stress there, that was so intense but he popped off

Dave doing an AMAZING speed bridge and then complimenting H’s strat, they’re so supportive I love them sm

“Sorry Dave, I’m gonna lower your points for things like that, cause you could’ve gotten first in that” “No, I do not care about that, I care about that sweet, succulent coin… that was a weird way to describe it”

The new finalist announcement is so suspenseful only to ruin it with a bubble sound effect lol

They’re so excited to get Dave their first win since MCC1 :))

They find it so cool that they got here without any top 10 individuals “purely balanced”

Dodgebolt

“Last time I was in dodgebolt I was a wee lad […] I was freshly 21, now I’m like 48 or something”

INSTANT he/they on he/they violence by Dave Krtzy lol

Aqua’s accuracy is wild, goodness!!!!

Their coms are so clean

H snatching that arrow!! I don’t even remember that from watching cyan

False calming asserting that she knows what she needs, not them, will never not be iconic

False saying that she’s down next arrow only for all her team to talk over eachother about how she’s got this and they believe in her <3

FALSE SUPREMACY!!!!! THAT 1V3!!!!!!!

Dave winning the first events of seasons 1 and 3 my beloved

FALSE DONT NEED PRACTICE

“False, that was insane, you 1v3’d that” “WHAT THE HECK WAS I DOING??” “You we WINNING, that’s what you were doing, you fool”

“1,217 days, bro” “It’s zero, it’s zero now!!” I love them

This team <33333

The most well-rounded team of all time, I love them.

Or as False puts it: “we weren’t cracked, we were just solid”

[celiastjamesoscar]

Professors either are your best friends or your ultimate enemy. That dude needs to take a chill pill. He probably gets off on causing his students misery. Jon, on the other hand, seems so cool and like a fun dude! His love for pictures is everything, I adore it. If you can talk to him about gambling then he's really a chill guy. 4 finals, that's manageable! I'm the same study type as you; procrastinating it and only doing it a short time beforehand. But, I'm the prime example for this bad behavior. Don't be like me and fuck up your finals. So listen up, I will boss you around one more time. You will start studying early on and really put your heart and soul into it. The relief you will feel afterwards will be the greatest thing ever! Listen to me, miss ma'am.

Omg yes Sam and Butter are sharing one brain cell! Oh Sam definitely enjoyed his ball, especially since he lost his two... The new tattoos will be smaller, fineline ones. 1 is an ufo sucking in a human with "get in loser" on top. The other one will be a devil lady (naked) waking up from a nap inside of a coffin. The best news about all of this is that THE HOT MILF WILL BE DOING THE TATTOOS!!!!

Well... technically I'm already "fired" so they can't do anything. After my apprentices is over they couldn't offer me a job so I'm being let go. And because that company is really shitty and never treated us well, I don't give a fuck anymore and will call in sick. I already called in today. Hey! Cutting a banana is hard work! I held it in my hand (first mistake) and cut through it. Then I looked away because I got distracted (second mistake) and somehow cut my thumb. The one that held the knife. I genuinely don't even know how I did that...

YES GRACE THANK YOU!! I just grabbed that poor girl while she was stealing the pigs food. She's so soft and warm and fluffy. Hennifer even looked at me and put her head on my shoulder!!

Lol I don't think her poor husband stands a chance against a bunch of obsessed ladies. We will definitely win and kindly surprise adopt Melissa. I'm sure she wouldn't even mind...

That’s honestly so true about professors. My chemistry one, the guy who gave me a zero, is a complete asshole. It’s safe to say that my evaluation of him will be a long and hefty one. Jon is honestly the goat, im sad that I’m only going to have him for one more semester. although I will be glad that I won’t have to worry about an embarrassing picture of me making it into the slides 😭 4 finals isn’t too bad, and I don’t think any of them are on the same day. At least I hope not. I’m honestly the worst when it comes to studying, but I plan to use tomorrow as a study day, so don’t worry! And to make you proud, I finished my article review paper tonight and turned it in, instead of waiting until tomorrow to do it, which is when it’s due! It was supposed to be 4 pages, but it turned out to be 6 😬

Not Sam losing his 2 other balls! I got Butters 6 tennis balls a couple months ago, and now he only has 2 left 😭 Butters has been a handful today; first he came in from playing in the backyard with a small abrasion on his head which I had to clean it, and now he’s gotten welts around his mouth and on his nose. It looks like he had an allergic reaction to something, but I’m making him sleep in my room so I can keep an eye on him. My two boy animals have caused so much trouble 😭

But your tattoo ideas are amazing!! I remember you sending in those pictures of them too, and I can’t wait for you to get them!! AND THE HOT MILF IS DOING THEM?!?! YOU BETTER BE SENDING IN THE FINISHING WORKS!!

Well since you are technically already “fired,” I guess there are no consequences for calling off work, especially if the company can’t treat the workers properly. And you know what, you absolutely deserve that time off for your traumatic experience with cutting the banana. How the hell did you manage to cut your thumb that was holding the knife??? That’s what I want to know, like how is that even possible 😭

you snatching Hennifer while she was being a menace and stealing the pigs food is honestly gold!! And she even rested her head on your shoulder, that’s so cute!! Also, I absolutely lock her name so much!! It reminds me of Yennefer from The Witcher series. We used to have chickens but we had to get rid of them because A.) they were too loud and B.) my brother got attacked by the rooster and I got in trouble for recording it 🙄

Melissa herself said that her husband doesn’t get jealous, so I’m sure we could figure something out to where we all win 🤷🏻‍♀️

[onlyswan]

I've been a silent reader of yours, art, but this time the latest drabble really struck something in me that I can't help but let you know how amazing of a writer you are. This couple has the kind of love that indeed feels like home, the kind of love that you will feel bad abt them breaking up not bc of how long they've been together but bc you know how much they love each other and being away would never be good for the both of them and every single fic that I have read from in which couple got me in the feels and made me kind of reflect on how I view loving romantically as a whole.

When yoongi said that some problems doesn't need a resolution and u kind of just have to let it pass, I thought abt how sometimes problems are caused by emotions (which what happened to kookie) and sometimes we don't need to act on it and resolve it, just have to sit with it for maybe a few days. Jk acted impulsively and I love the way oc viewed what happened, it really solidified how well and deep they've known each other. Their connection and the way they cherish and adore each other isn't something superficial that could be change by a mistake as big as breaking up. Yes it hurts like hell but it's bc you know that there are internal problems that drove them to do that.

I certainly love these lines:

"from now on, all i'll think about is what i can do to make you happy and safe without compromising our relationship", I love how jk acknowledge where did he went wrong all throughout the drabble that ending things between them to save oc is never the answer to his worries about the future.

"it's okay to hold onto me. i'm also strong", I really love how oc really speaks whatever is on their mind, and how they put their words together. it stings a bit but it also feels so comforting and reassuring seeing it from an outsider's pov bc it's like "you might have forgot about it but you can lean on me, you know?"

I don't want this to be too long but they way you wrote the making love scene. The line starting from "he wants to grieve for all of the wasted time...", I love love love how you crafted that part in a way that describes how a famous and a loving person and has the genuine love of his life like jungkook would view a kind reconciliation like that. It's like you would understand that in which! jk would def tell the phrase "I'll love so hard until they break my heart". It's just soooo good!

All in all, you never cease to blow my mind with your writings and how you deliver an experience through words. Sending so much light and love to you, art! Thank you for sharing your crafts with us!

Love, 🦢 (is there a swan anon already?)

ps. jk reminds me of sunny day by beadbadobee :')

hello new swan anonie 🥹 this brought tears to my eyes oh my god. you have no idea how happy this made me !!! thank you so much for taking the time to write such a kind and lovely message and sharing your fav lines. gotta be my fav part too when reading reviews ahhh :,))) i loveloveloved hearing your thoughts about our couple! <3

thankfully things worked out but it’s so sad how he realized that it was a mistake a little too late :(

it stings a bit but it also feels so comforting and reassuring seeing it from an outsider's pov bc it's like "you might have forgot about it but you can lean on me, you know?"

ihhh this made me emotional it warms my heart seeing oc so loved and understood 😭

and thank you for mentioning this part !!!! ㅠㅠ i wasn’t sure how it was going to be perceived, and the drabble over all, but omg i’m so happy that you liked it 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

hugs and kisses 🫂💗 i hope you have a wonderful day!

[pearlparty]

I knew this was inevitable and I am still not prepared for it.

- Can I just say how much I love and appreciate the way that you paint the picture of every scene? Really though, it’s so amazing and I feel always immersed in the setting.

- “Mexican?” “Sanchez.” The sass, we’ve known her for literally 2 seconds and I love her.

- Omg Gale has only known her that long too and wants to protect her—I just love him so much. “Fight like hell with me” THIS!

- “lust of a man used to working with what he was given” my lil

- Lol benny eyeing up the food is hilarious to me

- I love the way you write Gale’s calm, yet authoritative energy. The way he handles the guard with Sanchez was so perfect.

- “unblinking and unsorry” I love this line

- “Can I go first?” ?!?!?!!? MY PANICKING IS AT A NEW LEVEL

- “-It’s gotta be a let down to be keyed up for a nice orgy in the woods only to end up having to play guard again.” Poor guys lol. (Love this wry sarcastic humor btw. Very military)

- The similes about hammocks and rivers are perfect. Idk if you based it from personal experiences or what but it fits Gale so well, being from Wyoming and likely raised camping and swimming in rivers. Idk if it was intentional, but man it’s even more perfect if it is.

- “there are kindnesses and there are cruelties that need no articulation to be understood.” Damn.

- Gut wrenching btw.

- I genuinely didn’t even notice the name mistake until a paragraph later and that made it all the more gut wrenching.

- “There were only five.” What an amazing usage of repetition. It really just ups the unfortunate and heart wrenching nature of the entire scene.

- I’d like to thank you for the way that you handled the graphic nature of that scene, and the focus on Gale’s motivations. It’s hard to balance details to understand what is happening without being too graphic, but I feel like you did a great job with scaling it back a tad. The way he was constantly concerned about Sanchez and his other girls just broke me. I’m genuinely at a loss for words because of it. My heart just aches for them. And the little dream of Maureen and John at the club? Sobbing rn thx

- Benny taking care of him 😭😭

- “I got you” 😭😭 I love them so much

- Johnny, please tell me you’re okay I need you to be okay

- Maureen always raises our spirits going on about payback for her shot lol.

- “Fuckin useless” Oh and I’m sad again

- “For the cuts” I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION

- I completely understand Sanchez’s anger and coldness but damn I need some kind of resolution between them.

- Even though he thinks it’s embarrassing, I think the mini sex ed scene with Lu is absolutely adorable. There’s a kind of sweetness aside the context, ya know? The way he handles her, aches for her. It’s tender and tragic all the same.

- MAAM IF YOU KEEP SAYING “there were only five” IM GOING TO END UP SOBBING ON THE FLOOR

- “he might’ve seen the same hurt and tears there as he and Smith were sharing” this broke me

- “why he had to lay on his belly and not his back.” This hurt even more the second time

- As much as it hurt to read, I appreciate the visceral reaction to her asking him if he’d experienced the same. The social context would have dictated that exact reaction, and I think it says a lot for his characterization—shows his limits and lines. This is especially evident with his voice breaking at the beginning, before he becomes Major Cleven again. Gale is very forward thinking, progressive and protective for his female service members, and he can be very gentle and soft, but he even he has limits and there’s things that men just simply weren’t allowed to experience. It’s interesting to see his reaction as both a defense and a warning to Lu. He knows she’s innocent enough to ask others, and problems could ensue because of it—not only aggressive defenses from other men, but pity towards the one man keeping the shit show together. So well played.

- I’d like to hope that he’ll feel comfortable to talk about it with Maureen one day—that maybe they have moments of beautiful yet unexpected vulnerability and help each other heal after talking it out—but I can see it remaining this unspoken thing that is talked around. I’d like to think they have a chance to heal around it, learn to cope with some of the memories and comfort each other with unspoken understanding that’s never fully confirmed or validated. But I know that sometimes pushing it down is easier than addressing it, for both of them.

- “Bedtime and that…you’re -right down there.” 😭😭

Girl. I’m Crying in da club. This had so much intense content but wow was it handled so well, Marina. This is absolutely amazing and the characterization is everything. I’m obsessed with the dialogue too—it feels so real and heartfelt. I just. Wow.

|| Sanchez ||

Requested? ☑️

Circa: October 1943

Summary: Upon being shot down on his last mission, Major Gale Cleven finds himself in the company of a female officer -and not one from the 100th. While already inclined to show solidarity, the increasing threat towards his fellow officer forces him to act. The jeopardy such action puts him in is more than he could have ever estimated, as is the fallout upon finding women he knows in the stalag

Cast: Cleven, Sanchez, Demarco, Brady, Egan, Kendeigh, Lu Smith, Ida Brady

Author’s note: the first portion of this segment is in the immediate time frame of Gale being downed. The second portion follows the events of What Took Him So Long? the mirroring of both these segments will hopefully prove enjoyable but I worry perhaps confusing

Content Warning: due to the disturbing content listed below the cut, I understand some may choose not to read this segment. If you’d like an abridged summary of the events herein to keep up with the series, I’d be happy to supply that 💋🌹

Warnings: usual universe warnings apply 18+ additionally for this chapter there are warnings for depiction of rape. This entire arc was produced on popular request, i have tried to portray the brutal events found herein in the most elevated and respectful terms I found effective. I would not call it graphic, however, it’s not vague either. And it’s rape. Male and female. Depiction of rape and discussion of past rape. Violence as well, obviously, fucking Nazis, ptsd from said assaults, choking, hints of childhood trauma, mentions of medical experiments. General cloud of dread. With light at the end of the tunnel.

Note: my blog and writings are strictly 18+, this means that we are all adults here enjoying free connection and art. The themes of this particular story are mature, at times harrowing and for some, potentially intolerable. No worries if the latter is your case, feel free to move on or block tags. On the other hand, please take responsibility for your reading, I provide warnings as a courtesy but I cannot cover them all and if something doesn’t sit right, please exercise adult autonomy and make your way to the nearest exit. Xo

When Gale extended his hand to aid the next prisoner up into the truck, he hadn't anticipated one so small or so brown. Busted knuckles that had rivulets of crimson pouring over copper flesh; he was mildly fascinated by it. His concussed mind flashed to ‘Lu Smith and her shaded face, before belatedly realizing it was indeed a woman’s lighter frame he was hauling in beside him to the shrill insistence of German threats.

The woman who flopped on the bench opposite him, legs spread wide and boots braced with a brow like a thundercloud, was not Smith. And for that Cleven was relieved.

Last he had seen of Ida and Graham’s fort, they’d been carrying on over Breman, and while he had every reason to think few had made it back, who’s to say they weren’t lucky? And Ida could fly a tin can on the fumes of an alcoholic's breath. Smith wasn’t here, Ida either, and he tried to arrange his mind to that, to not even let the doubt creep in, and instead took to studying the newcomer in between the passing of more downed airmen filling the benches.

The incessant barking of their dogs must have been half strategy, the throbbing in his back working its way into his head as the minutes went by. It had taken too long for them to be brought to Luftwaffe jurisdiction, he knew that much, even with giving them the benefit of the doubt for wartime communication failures and muddy roads. He’d been well read and prepared and braced for the outcome of being downed since before they left the states, grilled his men on procedure, on their rights, their privileges as prisoners of war, also on their duties to silence. The fact he’d never truly thought it would happen to him didn’t mean he wasn’t perfectly knowledgeable about the requirements.

So far Cleven had managed not to say a single word to anyone, the farmer with the pitchfork probably didn’t speak English and a wheezy “please don’t kill me” seemed like a flaccid bunch of last words that Gale refused to let off his tongue.

Instead he let them haul him to the nearest company of Wehrmacht soldiers and had been marched for ages by them, had seen and given Benny a nod when his column of prodded, sheepskin wearing sad bastards merged with Buck’s column of the same. Kendeigh hadn’t been there; crew get themselves killed in a hard landing as often as an exploded plane.

Cleven thought about breaking the silence now to ask the woman opposite where the hell she came from, her patches not what he was used to. But no, bad precedent, he stayed quiet and watchful as the Krauts pushed the last of the men into the overcrowded truck and snapped the tailgate shut. Someone could easily make a run for it by jumping out, but the jeep following behind at a steady few yards with a bristling assortment of machine guns suggested against it.

Once the truck began to move, Benny leaned forward beside him on their jostling journey and motioned in an ingratiating arc at the woman’s patches. “I don’t know those.” he said what Gale had been thinking, half yelling over the clamor of voices and the roar of the truck engine, “Looks half like varsity shit.”

Gale wasn’t sure his kindhearted co-Pilot meant those sorts of digs out of innocence or as a tactic to get reticent folks to defend themselves with the very information they might has previously withheld. As said, Gale didn’t know, but he knew it never failed. The woman went from scowling at Cleven -a pastime she had set herself to with such diligence that every time he tried to make discreet observance of her she already had her eyes on him- and turned to Benny.

“201st, fighters.” well that explained nothing and everything. “Sanchez.” she offered Benny after a beat, maybe knowing her name was hardly damning considering her looks.

Kinda like how Benny looked and sounded likely to have a name that started with “De-“ and a dog named meatball. “Eagle Wings, huh?” Benny nodded at the patch. “And a uh, uh triangle.” he couldn’t make it out all the way from his seat, but Buck could -the patch read ‘Mexico’ above a magnificent spread of Eagle Wings with a green triangle as the body.

They were all a long way from home.

“Aztec,” Sanchez tweaked it, “Aztec Eagles.”

“Mexican?” Benny asked, the accent wasn’t one he commonly heard in Philly but even crappy shows and movies got some things right, and Benny had seen his fair share of westerns.

“Sanchez.” she repeated instead and was back to scowling at Buck.

They seemed to drive for all day, until the light began to dim and what was a pleasant day turned into a misty chill as evening grew near.

The truck came to a halt at last, barbed wire and mud about them and the painted checkpoint arm whirled by as they drove into the dulag and came to a final stop. In the quiet that followed the cut of the engines, the rain was suddenly audible, pattering on the canvas above them. At the resumption of barked order and harsh commands the prisoners stood up, gingerly hopping out of the truck with just enough quickness not to be hit and just enough slowness not to be shot. Didn't help much anyway, muzzles were pointed quite liberally around here and you just had to hope the trigger fingers weren’t so generous.

The dulag guards turned away a good seven of those remaining after the packed truck had dispensed its human cargo. They didn't have enough room.

Go up further, to the next one, go to Frankfurt -those seemed to be the directions.

Directions their drivers and guards took poorly; it was late, it was drizzling and Buck could guess how little they enjoyed the on-edge detail of ferrying outnumbering prisoners around the countryside. They cut down on the number of guards, five to go with: a driver, two in the jeep, one more in the cab and another supposed to be with them in the truck back.

After a bit more haggling, the Dulag accepted three more prisoners. Cleven made sure to stay put, he didn’t know the foreign arguments well enough to decipher all but half the protesting seemed to be over who got Sanchez. And he sure as hell wasn’t leaving her here without a superior officer as defense. A dulag guard had hopped up into the truck and shined his flashlight at Buck’s markings, that’s when he mentioned something about Frankfurt.

Benny didn’t move without Cleven and so, when the truck took off again into the evening gloom, it was Buck and Benny and Sanchez and another hapless kid who looked all of fifteen and was, according to his over liberal offer of conversation, a scared shitless waist gunner.

“They’re arguing over you.” Cleven finally chose to speak up. It could get rough, the guards’ distinction of her. He felt it with a premonitory dread that came from too many right predictions as a child. He hated this feeling, he hated how right it usually was, he hated how it was usually met with folks telling him he worried too much. He’d taken to not saying much the older he grew, watching things play out, grieving over foreseen misfortunes all on his own. Until he met Bucky. But right now he had to speak up, this time he had to.

Yet Sanchez remained scowling, “They argued over you.” she retorted.

Gale gave her a tight smile, “I’m a major.”

“I’m a lieutenant.”

“I can see that.” he proceeded cautiously, “But they just took in a baker's dozen of lieutenants. No problem. But they didn’t take you.”

“Didn’t take him either.” she nodded to Benny.

“His captain’s ass never left the seat.” Cleven said, “You were on the ground, ready, they put you back. I’m tellin’ you, if they can’t decide who you are, where you go, I’m gonna need your assurance you’ll fight like hell with me. For recognition of it.”

-Just don’t say I worry too much, Gale thought desperately, he could almost feel Bucky’s gentle squeeze of his shoulder, like shaking out the tension in a cat as he said the same; his back was so stiff he thought it might snap if Bucky did it now but -but John wasn’t here. Thank Almighty God.

“You know you look more German than most of our guards.” Sanchez replied and Benny suddenly snapped to attention beside him at that. “I’m not assuring you of shit.”

“He’s not a damn spy!” Benny insisted, more loudly and vehemently than was maybe best with guards all around.

“You know this how?” she asked, unmoved.

“He’s my goddamn co-Pilot.”

“Pilot?”

“Ya think he just ripped his own cheek open for a part?”

Sanchez swayed with the jerk of a pothole and shook her head, “Maybe you both are.”

Smart, and a worse worrier than himself. Cleven liked her immensely and stared out the flap of the tarp, watching the rain pour down, dusk fully settling over everything outside and the trailing jeep’s headlights poured into their little haven, whiting-out his vision of the road.

“I’m not leavin’ this seat ‘till a Dulag takes you.” he told her, it was all he had to give. For her part she seemed determined to wait and see before expending any thanks. He didn’t expect it.

They weren’t in any city when the truck brakes checked them in a squeaking lurch, followed by the sound of tires turning off gravel and into squelching mud and then the echoing silence of the engine being cut once more. This wasn’t Frankfurt, and this was no engine failure. From the headlights of the following jeep, all Gale could make out was trees. So many damn trees. It had stopped raining.

“This isn’t Frankfurt.” He remarked to the guard sitting with them, the sullen fellow had not said a word for five hours and he didn’t start spilling now.

The others made an appearance when they joined them in the truck, hopping up with muddy jackboots and the clatter of what seemed to be a portable camp stove, along with rucksacks, utensils and the like. They unwound rope from the cloth neck of one sack and poured out oats, and another seemed to have been wrapping some preserved sort of meat. Gale eyed the discarded rope where it lay on the floor with the lust of a man used to working with what he was given, while Benny stared with barely concealed longing at the now simmering concoction on the tin stove.

These guards made conversation, or at least they tried. But not even the scared little gunner was in the mood to reply, and so it remained one sided. His boys hadn’t eaten since chow this morning at the crack of dawn, and Cleven didn’t blame them for their hunger but his own stomach was in loathsome, uneasy knots, and by observance of Sanchez’s wary sullenness, he figured he wasn’t alone in that. A dinner break for the Germans was one thing, he guessed, but the solitude was oppressive along with the forced proximity of all these grinning enemies stirring and chopping their porridge bits and laughing amongst themselves on the benches and floor next to them.

When they offered Demarco a hunk of whatever they had prepared, to his credit, Benny didn’t even acknowledge them. Their offer had been mocking enough, even without understanding the language.

“You must be hungry, ja?” The one with sergeant stripes cajoled, greasy teeth flashing, the muggy smells of rain and sweat and steaming food were all so noxiously trapped under the tarp, Gale had to bite his cheek to keep down the salient precursors of vomit.

The sergeant tried it on Sanchez next, insistently holding out a hunk of the meat impaled on the knife tip. She wouldn’t even look at him and that was an admirable thing until it served to anger him, and the man reached out, hand snagging in her waistband and hauling her smaller body beside him on the bench with ease. Benny was almost to his feet when Cleven fetched him back with a grip of his own, sitting him down firmly.

He managed to keep his voice perfectly neutral when interrupting the man’s flashlight lit perusal of Sanchez’s frozen features, “Hey, she doesn’t mean any harm, you let her go now.”

The sergeant looked up, less surprised to have gained a reaction from Gale but maybe at hearing his voice at last. “Only trying to be good hosts, ja? She von’t eat. Neither you?”

“Just not hungry.” Gale countered mildly.

“But ve must thank you,” the Sergeant laughed, and Sanchez stayed stiff as board in his grip, shying away from the still offered meat as much as the touch “so many parcels of gifts you drop.”

“Let her go.” Gale insisted, gently.

“She not drop zeez parcels?” The sergeant asked.

“She’s not a bomber.” Gale grit his teeth, “I do the dropping.”

The sergeant pulled her jacket apart in curiosity, thumbing at the patches, “Not’z a bomber?” Cleven felt his tongue go numb as the man tugged at her clothes, it was a curious inspection so far and yet- “Then it’s you should be given meat, ja?” The man left off his tugging and rose from his squat on the floor to approach Gale, the man was huge upon closer acquaintance, “For Hamburg,” he insisted through gritted teeth, his anger more palpable up close, and he pressed the meat to Gale’s tightly shut mouth, “and for ze little ones you turned to ash with your parcels.”

Gale kept his jaw locked and his mouth shut, eyes meeting the sergeants’, unblinking and unsorry.

“Open!”

Gale didn’t obey. The man sighed as if he were actually a host turned down. Gale could feel Benny’s eyes on him, wary, careful, his whole posture shockingly good at blending in, a damn good man to have next to you in a place like this.

“We have no beer,” the man confessed, knife and meat still pressing insistently, “or else we would offer it for such heroes. But not to fret, you have provided refreshment, ja? Full belly and beer iz ze best, full belly and a voman iz better.”

Carefully Gale turned his head away from the offered chunk, “That's a prisoner of war, not a woman.” He saw how little effect that had and added for benefit, “And your superiors are waiting for her.”

The man scoffed loudly and turned towards his men who were, Gale could now perceive past his bulk, scraping the last of their tin plates without so much as looking at the bowls -they were eying her. With intent. The kind of intent Gale wished he didn’t recognize but he did, carnival dins and race tracks after dark being hardly the best places to grow up unless you wanted to learn how often folks really would act on their worst impulses.

Not tonight, not if he could fucking help it. By Benny’s taut posture beside him, he knew he had an ally in the assumption that this would end in a fight. He eyed the rope lying on the floor.

“Eat with us.” The sergeant insisted, “She von’t be alive to tell on you, prisoners make a run for it all ze time. Must be shot. Ve’ll let you fuck her too.”

Oh Jesus- “Your superiors know-“ Cleven reminded, voice starting to shake in rage from the keyed up adrenaline he was barely keeping a lid on.

“-zey know emergencies happen.” The man snapped, almost annoyed at Gale’s persistence, as if he expected less protest from an airman at the prospect of one of his own being abused. “Zey would send more guards if zey cared as much as you ‘sink.”

The men had finished their bowls, they set them aside on the bench, pushing the stove away as well. Clearing the floor.

“Or fuck, oh fuck.” the gunner kid, who Gale had almost forgotten about on his end of the bench, began to panic, sounding like he was retching his prayers.

Gale met Benny’s eyes, then down to the rope on the floor, then back up. It was good to have a man who got it. Always got it, his Benny.

“Can I go first.” Gale asked, and held his breath.

“Vat?” The sergeant lowered the knife in surprise, the meat chunk slid and fell to the floor but neither cared.

Gale let his lips twitch, his eyes conspired, “I don’t wanna catch whatever shit you fuckers got.”

He could hear more than see Sanchez begin the thrash on her bench but she made no progress, maybe already being held. “And you von’t tell?” the sergeant asked.

Gale gave him a look that could be universally interpreted as ‘whadda ya think?’ and bent to retrieve the meat nugget from the muddy floor, right by the sergeant’s boot, the rope was just out of reach. When he straightened his back he popped the soiled peace offering in his mouth, he chewed it loudly, the rush of an imminent attempt thrumming so strongly in his body it replaced the queasiness for a moment. The sergeant clapped his hands together, once, in appreciation for the despicable deal.

Gale knew they wanted nothing more than sport of him, it was no comradely favor to allow him to go first, it was blackmail and it was likely something worse once he got his pants down. But they could all play along, he just needed to get close to her. They had her jacket off already, her boots, too.

This didn’t really have a chance in hell but if she was like Ida, or Smith or anyone else, she’d rather be shot barefoot than have this happen to her. Gale supposed dying with German ham stuck in his teeth was about a draw with being killed via pitchfork prongs through the belly.

He didn’t process much when he stood up: not beyond the two paces it took to get to her, the men holding her on the bench seat and wrestling at her clothes, the way Benny didn’t say a word. He really was thinking of Benny in those paces, hoping his co-pilot was ready -it didn’t occur to him even once that Demarco might be as fooled as these sick fucks around them, letting go of her all too quickly at the prospect of a degrading show.

Cleven had his hand around her necktie, pulling her off the bench before he’d even really registered being close enough, he’d forgotten how to hold his face for this act but maybe the mad determination passed for lust, he didn’t think of anything but yanking her up when he felt a sudden, stinging slice against his right cheek. She’d been waiting for this moment, smart thing had a penknife hidden somewhere, it was something one of the Banshees would have pulled, and the mirroring slice was disorienting enough that he wasted a good two seconds in smarting surprise as warm blood trickled down his chin and the guards began to shout.

Someone else wrested the knife from her grip, someone else held onto her wrist now, his moment of shocked pain wasted his fucking plan.

Still, he tried.

Cleven yanked her further toward the middle of the space, spun her around despite her incessant clawing -and maybe the actions seemed to the guards in accordance with his plan, plus some anger from the wound. He didn’t know what they thought, he only knew that no one halted him, they just gathered closer to see, never expecting it, just as he didn’t expect to manage it when he got her turned to the open flap of the tarp and bodily hurled her out its back, into the night.

Benny must’ve tripped the first one, a clunky helmet clattering as the guy fell flat at Cleven’s feet, right as he turned around to help. It wasn’t ever gonna be a nice fight, or a likely chance for her to have even a ten second start but it was something besides sitting on a bench and watching them violate a fellow officer. He’d have done the same for Benny. Just as Benny now looked pretty resigned to dying in this fight, getting in a couple of excellent, unapologetic punches with the next guard who manned up and realized what was what. -It’s gotta be a let down to be keyed up for a nice orgy in the woods only to end up having to play guard again. Gale wanted to manage to kill one before he got shot, that’s all he really wanted anymore.

And for the girl to get out, for all the girls to get out wherever they were.

He was grappling with the closest one, the guy nearest the flap who almost managed to give chase to her right away, when he felt something that gave him a chill of horror he never expected. Rope; he registered it slipping down his chin, making him let go of his opponent to try to slip his fingers between the twine and his collared throat -too late. He felt himself bodily yanked back, a burn in his throat all consuming and the sudden deprivation of air turning him into a desperate mess, nothing useful about his scuffing feet and clawing hands.

They were giving orders to go after her, and two men were scrambling out the back as Gale began to sag. From his new position gasping on the floor, Gale could see that they had a gun to Benny’s gut, while the gunner kid hadn’t needed such firmness, he was braced at the back of the truck in absolute terror.

Well this was over faster than desired but -to be expected. Fuck.

“Halt.” Cleven felt the sergeant’s boot kick at the side of his head, emphasizing his order to cease his struggles.

World grew fuzzy then, not at all like drowsy sleepiness in a hammock but instead like being caught in the river current when you thought you’d managed to strike the ford just right. Gale’s pulse thudded between his temples like the blows of a sledgehammer on his skull, his lungs burned, the cuts on his cheeks blared their pain like screaming infants demanding to be heard above the rest of the pain and terror and fury. He could taste the blood gushing out of them from the pressure, the cuts spurted and dribbled down into his already choking mouth.

What a way to go.

He felt cold air, he felt himself drug and a painful drop to what was likely muddy ground, felt himself dragged some more and his own finger -wedged between the rope and his throat- hurt him worst of all, that knuckle digging into his windpipe.

When some slack finally came, it was minimal, only enough for his body to heave and gag and try to force air into collapsed pipes, enough for sounds of cries and shots and clanking metal to flood into his consciousness. He was either at heaven’s gate or on the cold hard ground at eye level with the beaming jeep headlights -that would explain the blinding glow in his vision.

Or else, heaven wasn’t half what it was cracked up to be.

Someone or a few someone’s, were standing over him and he could see then that he was tied by the makeshift noose to the trailer hitch of the truck, tarp flaps widened far above him like stage drapes. Was Benny still alive in there?

“Maybe you defend her because you too are female?” One guard suggested while prodding at his crotch with a boot, and that made Gale’s frozen, sluggish, oxygen deprived blood begin to pound. “Hübsch.” they complimented him repeatedly -pretty, so very pretty. Too pretty for a man. “We should check, ja?”

He spared one single hope, that Benny wasn’t watching. He didn’t hope they wouldn’t act on their threats, and he hadn’t any hope left that he could actually save Sanchez from what they were even now wrestling her to the ground for. But it felt worsened somehow at the idea of his co-pilot seeing him this way, he yanked his head against the noose and regretted it after. The constriction made his eyes burn, and all his efforts were once again concentrated on grappling with his breathing as they tugged at his clothes and made sport of discovering he was not, in fact, lying about being male.

They laughed, they touched, they said he was some mistake. A face like that had no business owning a cock. He wished he knew less German, in fact he knew little but there are kindnesses and there are cruelties that need no articulation to be understood.

The earth beside him, the mud beneath Sanchez’s hands, was tilled up from her nails, like furrows for planting and her face was so near his when they threw her down, he could make out the spit and blood on her lips.

“Should I?” One was saying and they had their knife out, Gale’s panicked mind had a generous moment of hope that they would cut the rope, that he would soon be able to breathe again. Or else his throat, and he’d not breathe anymore. Both sounded perfect.

They cut open his flight suit instead, a hand heavy on the back of his head, turning him fully over, and then there was the feeling of a warm and sweaty body beginning to roll on top of him.

The mud was cold beneath his cheek, smooth on the forest floor, none of the rough gravel of that endless road, only mud and pine needles sticking to his face now, their knobby little ends roughing up the older wound on his cheek. Every time the guard pushed closer, it scraped him -that blade to his other cheek. The metal tip glittered in the periphery of his one good eye, shining from the headlights.

Sanchez had begun to scream.

Hoarse, wounded, fox like.

It felt very much like a demented dream, even down to the hunter’s attitude above him, the grunts, the prey-like waiting for the lethal blow. He wasn’t sure how long he had floated with only her wounded cries as a grounding agent when he felt a splatter against his lower back and consciousness came back with a heave of his chest and a revolt so strong he fought again against the noose. Predictably, it only tightened. There was cold on his skin then, when the man drew away, fresh night breezes mocking the mess he’d made of Gale, kerosene and exhaust fumes ruining the smell of soil beneath him. Then the heat was back, someone else draped over him, and Gale dug his fingers into the earth too, readying for what the other had spared him. It didn’t matter, if they tired themselves out with him, that was one less -now two less- to use her instead. There had been only five.

This one flipped him over, Gale went easily, both hands occupied straining to get even a finger between the asphyxiating pressure of the rope and his throat.

“He is easier now.” he heard the man laughing, foggy, hazy, unfairly. “The bitch has gone quiet, maybe he will make music, huh?”

Gale frantically turned his head to seek her out, desperate to find her alive -she couldn’t be dead. Not just from this, surely not, what could they do to kill her?-but his own vision was spotting and his throat spasmed in protest. They surely could kill them this way, they could do anything they wanted because they could kill them. And no one would ever hold them to account.

His poor girls. What were they doing to his poor girls?

It burned enough to jolt him awake again, both the forceful entry and the smack to his cut cheek. They wanted him awake, aware, he refused to look at them. This was reminiscent, bright lights and unwanted hands and all but the carnival music missing. He kept staring to the side at her, and at her face, at the way the headlights lit them both up like a carnival spectacle and cast the shadows of their tormentors in looming, grotesque proportions against the treeline. She had her eyes closed, face almost suffocated in the soil, balled fist growing lax beside his own, just out of reach. She didn’t even react when the next replaced the other. There were only five, Gale repeated to himself, there were only five.

No, no, no.

“Smith,” he begged her, “Smith don’t fuckin’ give up on me now.”

His poor girls.

Gale’s own voice made him cringe, how hoarse it was, how young, what a beg it sounded like, how punctuated each word was with the winding pain of a fresh thrust. But her eyes flew open at his call.

Sanchez, her name was Sanchez, he reminded himself. And Smith was with Ida, probably throwing the ball at the flack house after making it back from Breman. She had to be. He didn’t want to live in a world where Lu felt what he felt now as the man shuddered inside him, used him like a skein, a shell, a vessel, hot breath stinging at his cuts.

“Stay with me Sanchez.” he muttered, wondering if he had it in him to do the same. He didn’t have the luxury of ignoring his tormenter any longer, he felt his face gripped and turned, cuts smarting beneath calloused fingertips, cheeks being squished like Bucky used to do in play. The yeasty splatter spit landing on his own tongue was somehow more revolting than all the rest. He gagged, he struggled, his body was on fire.

Smith was screaming again.

There were only five.

He refused to remember more until there was a sudden absence of the heat and the breath and the tearing pain, and if he wasn’t so drugged on misery he might have thought everyone seemed a little rushed at the end. Not how he expected them to be with all the time in the world to wipe their pricks, close their pants, pull out a pistol and deliver a headshot. One apiece here in the mud. See ya there, Benny, he thought dismally, not bothering to open his eyes.

But then there were sounds of squealing tires and the roar of engines and the white bright glow behind his eyelids grew in intensity until he realized -in a fumbled state of what felt like being redressed- that someone else had pulled up to this horror show. There’d only been five and now- now, oh fuck, he didn’t think he could, no, no, no, he yanked at his noose, half hoping to strangle himself or at least be caught fighting this.

If he didn’t know much German when lucid and keen, he certainly wasn’t adept at deciphering the angry babble above him when half dead, half uncaring about listening for an order to flip him over for the next or to blow his brains out. No, no he was far away in the Silver Wings and Maureen’s boot was dug into his shoulder as she turned himself and Egan into scaffolding, all to smoke the club’s ceiling with testament of their survival for their 20th. No big bash like for 25 but it had been a milestone, as terrifyingly hopeful as it had been all too fortunate. He’d seen her cry for the first time that night, hands shaking, admitting she felt in her bones they’d not be lucky, that she’d never really thought about this part, not when she joined up, about getting so close and now she wanted to see it through she was sick to death of the idea of seeing it though being a fiery death. Well, Gale knew now she’d managed to jump, she’d not known fire.

But what else, oh what else?

Next time Cleven woke he was face down on the same old bench seat from hours before, burning ribs nothing compared to the lapping flames below his waist. The truck beneath him was moving and his cut face was only partially gentled by the feel of someone’s meaty thigh beneath him. Horrified, he startled up, hating the idea of being someone’s pet after-

-but it was Benny, looking busted as hell but alive and holding onto him lest he jolt off the bench with the next pothole. As far as he could feel, Gale had his clothes on, muddy and cold and it was daylight and they were moving. A guard he didn’t recognize was on the opposite bench near the flaps, watching them curiously with a rifle slung easily over his lap. He had wings on his lapel.

Sanchez was sat as far from him as possible near the front of the truck, alive and looking for all the world like she might kill the sniffling and unharmed gunner on the floor.

“Luftwaffe.” Benny informed him and Gale winced at their good fortune before giving his friend a pat and letting the sludge of insensibility take over again.

————————————————

“What was done to you: I am horrified.” Lt. Hausmann’s eyes were warm but his smile was cold, as cold as the holding cells, an odd dichotomy, opposite to most but not foreign to Gale. “I have heard they had intentions to hang you, yes? You, a prisoner of war. An officer. Horrifying, base, cowardly, I can only apologize for my countrymen’s attitude, they will be held to account. Was there anything else? I shall make a note. Are you well? Was there anything else?”

“There was a fighter pilot with me.” Cleven did not miss the eagerness in the man’s body language when he let loose his voice at last, hoarse from the rope and suppression of his cries. He’d been sat at this frigid desk with its proffered whiskey and smokes for half an hour already. “She was brutally raped, Lieutenant. And it is my understanding she is under Luftwaffe command now. Held here. I’d like you to make note of both, treat her accordingly.”

“Appalling.” Haussmann insisted, pen scritching away at his pad, “Noted, I-i will see that they are brought to account. Appalling. And you, Major, were you treated well? Besides your throat, I mean. Satisfactory? Honorably? I will make a note.”

The gnawed and broken thumbnail he’d bitten off hours ago slipped from between Gale’s molars. His teeth grated against each other for a split second. It was the only sound that filled the room. There’d been only five.

He passed Benny in the hall when they drug him back to his cell. But he never saw Sanchez again.

———————————————-

He didn’t see Sanchez again, not until a month later when she came with Smith. And all the others. Not until after a month of a John Brady biting through his lips with well placed anxiety over the absence of their female fellows. A month of Gale acting like he actually thought they were alright. As far as he knew, the boy’s sister was fine. Until she came through that gate, head shorn, cheek disfigured, half her buttons missing and a look in her eye that was half fury, half woe.

He was angry for Ida, but she didn’t belong trapped in a dog run with all these men. So Gale protested.

“If it can happen to you-“ John Brady had the gall to suggest at the gate, to suggest something Cleven had never confirmed. But Brady was like that, and Cleven had stopped his fight against the girls' inclusion all the same. Perhaps his fight had been less about the rules being broken, and more at the idea of having to see any more of their mistreatment, being witness to it, his rank proving useless once more. Never again. Not if he had to barter the golden gates for their safety.

———————————————--

“You ok?” Cleven asked Brady on the second day after their arrival as he counted out the syringes on the rough hewn table, one by one. He didn’t doubt the kid’s promise to get the supplies but instead the stalag doctor’s elusive provisions and willingness to comply. But sure enough, there was one for each of the girls, and a spare.

Brady gave him a tight lipped nod before expounding, “Sunnuvbitch wouldn’t dish on the iodine, I could see the damn relief package right there behind him but -no swabs. Dry stab. I guess.”

“It’s ok.” Cleven insisted, eyeing him still; he had his coat bundled about him even indoors but the buttons of his shirt beneath were redone, Gale knew that because they skipped one and started again wonky, wrong buttonhole, twice over. Like they’d been redone in haste. It hadn’t been that way when he left. “These are what we need.” he glanced up from his task at Hambone who was animatedly informing Benny of his visit.

Cleven had tried at subtlety, listening in with discretion but he couldn’t help it anymore, too curious himself. “You went with him, yeah?”

“Yes sir.” Hambone gestured to his newly smoothe cheek, stitches gone.

“So, what’s he like? The doc?”

Hamilton gave a signature sneer, “Weird as fuck and a little weirder than that. Wouldn’t fuckin’ shut up.”

“Yeah? What about?”

“Yeah!” Hamilton insisted, pissed off by it apparently, “On and on about psy- psycho -sam-“

“psychosomatic.” Brady rescued him boredly.

“-reflexes and shit. On and on. Just want the stitches out, ya know?”

“Yeah.” Cleven agreed. Waiting for the shoe to drop. He stared at the extra shot, his stomach curdling. “Just want some shots.” he added, eyes drifting up to land on Brady and his sightless stare at the opposite wall that bunked his motionless sister.

“Yeah, that was a whole other debacle.”

“Oh?” Cleven prodded, the picture of nonchalance as he started to divide the shots into groupings. He was seeing things, he was projecting, he was doing what Egan told him not to ever do -assume what has been is now what is. What he’s experienced is what everyone else has. He knew that deep down, but there was a brittle bravery to Jack Brady these days that reminded Gale too much of his own fraudulent brand of survival.

“Hammy it’s- how about you leave off.” Brady muttured. “Don’t bother the major with it.”

“Weird as fuck.” Hambone confirmed stubbornly.

“I’m the one who asked you if you thought he was weird.” Brady corrected, irritated enough by impression to continue.

“And it was! I said he was.”

“I’ve been telling you guys.” When Brady said it, it was without heat. “Him and his stupid little hammers.”

“Yeah what was all the hammering for?”

“Reflexes, Hammy. Psychosomatic.”

“Weird as fuck.”

Gale bit his tongue so hard he hoped it cleared his head before daring, “He make you take your shirt off for it?”

There was a pause in the slapping sounds of the card game ongoing behind him, Kendeigh and Demarco and Crank all freezing at the question.

“He keeps checking the shoulder.” Brady finally said, it was admittance enough.

“And the fuckin’ knee.” Hambone chipped in.

He shrugged, meeting Cleven’s eyes stubbornly, “He’s obsessed with reflexes.”

“You hurt your knee landing?”

Brady’s flat line of a mouth tugged up wryly, his eyes flitted over to his sister's motionless form. “A tad. Uh, the shots sir, he said they go in the hip. Didn't have the pamphlets, no instructions.

“I remember.” Gale had some knowledge of it, they’d all gotten a few vaccines in training, and he knew enough to ask for them in the first place, to help with whatever the poor girls might have contracted. His own eyes skittered to Kendeigh who sat at the table, making a poor show of holding her deck of cards. “Well, you first?” he pleaded.

She looked a little cross but she didn’t fight him, she rose from the table with stern imprecations on anyone skipping over her turn and cast about for a place. Gale put his hand on her shoulder and gently guided her to a corner by the bunks, it was really all the privacy he had to give.

“You’ll have to undo my belt, Ida had to do it up-“ she flashed her swollen hands again, ��-my hands.”

“I got you.” he whispered, gently reaching around and loosening the belt so that her borrowed trousers sagged enough for him to get at the meat of her hip.

Johnny was rolling Ida over in their bunk beside him, and Gale wasn’t sure who should give Ida her shot but he supposed her brother was the best candidate. Much as he hated the boy having to. But, perhaps, it wasn’t the worst thing he had to do tonight, and that made Gale’s stomach sour. He willed his hands to steadiness and undid the cap off the needle.

“Jesus Christ.” Johnny was suddenly exclaiming, hoarse and infuriated, Gale glanced aside and saw the boy had uncovered a hip alright, with his usual meticulous precision, and still, there wasn’t a spot of skin on Ida not green or else blue or else near to black. Gale stared back at Maureen and the jagged little scratches on her hip, crescent moon ditches, the blooming bruise here and there and swore not to count his blessings.

What did he know? Nothing, he knew nothing about any of them really. Except he knew such injuries didn’t have to show to hurt like hell. He drove the shot home with merciful force, squeezed in the stinging contents and retracted it, smooth and fast as anything.

“Hell, fuck, damn! Son of a carpet wearing Methodist-“ Maureen hopped around on her one good leg in barely contained frenzy at the sting.

Gale tried not to smile, “Bad huh?”

She scowled back at him in between pained giggles, “If I could give yours just for pay back, I would. Damn!” she held her hands up up once more and Cleven kept his eyes above, “But I can’t, sorry, can’t help with the other girls either, fucking useless.”

Johnny was standing, straightened up again, syringe empty, sister still just lying there. Bucky Egan out cold beside her. Gale couldn’t even allow himself to question if those two would be alright. They had to be, he didn’t think he could make it without them, make everyone else make it along with him. “She didn’t even budge.” Jack muttered.

What was there to say to that?

“She didn’t make it all the way here just to fuckin’ die.” Kendeigh assured him while straddling her chair again, voicing her peculiar brand of kindness and her true opinion on Ida Brady, “She’d never be so wet. They had a whole day to kill her on that train and they didn’t manage to.”

A day? A train? Gale didn’t know what to make of it; he was just glad that Bucky was dead to the world for now and not getting riled again by every new tidbit so that Gale would have to talk him down and also administer shots to a bunch of traumatized women.

“We’ll help sir.” Crank offered to him as he stood over the divided piles of syringes again.

“Alright,” Gale agreed, “but some may wanna give it to each other instead, you let them. Give ‘em space. I don’t think they’ll fight it, they know they need ‘em.”

Benny sauntered up beside him, flicking at the supplies, “This one yours, Buck?” he asked casually, fiddling with the spare.

Gale glanced at Brady and found him looking back at him. “Yeah.” He told Benny. “For the cuts.”

“Here, let me-“ Benny was already at it. Gale tugged his waistband down to assist, just enough to expose a sliver of pale hip and leaned a little over the table, there were bruises on his hipbones, he knew, but they could be from anything.

It did sting like hell.

“Alright you take those, and that’s enough for, yeah-“ Gale divided the supplies to each man, lingered just a moment as they went into the hall to brush by Brady, and murmured to him him lowly, “That was real thoughtful, thanks. You need one?”

To the credit of his poker face, the boy didn’t startle a bit, except for an infinitesimal flutter of an eyelid. “No sir?” he asked as if that were an idiotic question.

It was the only way Gale knew to ask him: to ask about something more. -Tell me son, just tell me you need a shot and I’ll know I’m not imagining shit. That I’ve not become paranoid and irritable and callous, too.

But then, “No sir?” and that incredulous face that left even the strongest man feeling like a dunce.

Well, that was it.

“I’ll help you tell them.” Maureen was by his side suddenly and Gale appreciated that, Smith was the only other female Lieutenant and he could use Kendeigh’s unapologetic pragmatism. “Ida told them she’d ask for remedies. Think she meant for pregnancies but, this is a start.”

There really wasn’t much of an announcement to be made; who didn’t understand what penicillin was needed for? It was needed for the dreaded thing that was hung over every bathroom stall door at canteens and on the underground in London, warning of having too good of a time and catching something. No one needed explanations, even though Gale watched their faces as Kendeigh announced and helped distribute the shots one room after another, he was trying to detect if any were hesitant or unconvinced. He found none.

He did find Sanchez, across one identical wooden room and still in her jacket with the eagle patch. She must have washed her face with the others, the mud was gone. When they locked eyes he saw a hard and warning look harden her eyes further; it made his cheek throb. Stonefaced, she broke the stare after a moment and advanced to grab her allotment, even as her fingers dragged along his palm, even when she passed him, Gale could not get her to resume it.

In one of the last rooms he went in alone -Maureen was delayed with one of the girls doing poorly, one who was not well enough to rise from her bunk. “They about drowned her” Maureen told him casually, and that was something else he dreaded learning about.

“Drowned?” he’d repeated a bit dumbly, and he deserved her

annoyed face.

“To get info from us.”

“Us?” he repeated again, low and slow, “You too?”

She gave him another of those looks before nodding at the last parcel in his hand, “Go take care of Smith’s girls before Johnny gets to them first and helps them with all the tenderness of a mortician.”

When Gale had stepped back into the hallway, Johnny’s voice could be heard still two doors down with Benny, fighting a fine line between helping and making themselves scarce. Personally, Gale felt Johnny was a gentle fucker when he needed to be. This wasn’t one of those cases, none of the girls wanted pity from them. Or acknowledgement even, judging by Sanchez’s cautioning venom.

In the last room, Smith and Tong had the girls sorted efficiently, and it was a little thing to ask the ever obliging Graham and the other men to step out briefly. Same old script here as before, Gale felt in a numb sort of loathing for his lack of originality -he distributed a shot a piece and apologized for the lack of iodine to sterilize the injection site and they all assured him it was fine, and everyone knew he was apologizing for far more than the lack of iodine and they knew that they’re assurances were more than about it either. Gale liked these girls for how well they knuckled under, it had made them pretty great in the crews after a shaky mission. They shoved a bad thing down as well as the next man, and if they punched their bed frames at night or cried in the showers, just like how it was for his men, that wasn’t Gale’s concern.

Only Lu Smith’s face went off script when he pressed the needle and its cartridge in her hand, something besides tight lipped thanks or a nod of efficient understanding. There were questions in her eyes, dancing slow and swirly and blatant as sorghum specks in molasses. A rich dark pool of uncertainty. Some girls were already discreetly headed for corners of the room to make the stab or else rolling up a shirt sleeve and insisting to the giver that they wanted it given there. Lu glanced away from him only to watch these proceedings with something like fear and then she was looking back at him, a hesitant plea written on her face. He didn’t know she was scared of needles.

“Major, is Ida awake?” his lieutenant asked, voice scratchy and a little closed, like how it got when she tried her hand at professionality or had to present a solution in front of a crowd. “I need to ask her something.”

That was a remarkably vague sentence, not at all professional. “No, she’s not.” He told her, watching as the fear grew more pronounced around her mouth and chin, “You ask me, Lieutenant.”

“May I?”

“Course,” Gale nodded his head toward the door, “step out here.”

He strode down to the very end of the combine, by the locked double doors, just far enough away from the windows not to invite a guard to come in and give them shit about it. The bright orange lights of the camp came in from the general darkness outside, glowing through the always dusty glass and making Smith’s skin shine a pretty bronze, even with the dark spots on her chin. Those made his blood thud quicker. It was quiet down here, as private as he could get.

“What’s up Smith?” he urged.

“I’m sorry sir I-I’ve got a few questions.”

“Told you to ask, Lieutenant.” Gale reminded, “So ask.”

“Yes sir.” She’d developed a tick since he’d last seen her, an odd sort of hugging of herself, arm crossing her chest and hand gripping her opposite clavicle, fingertips curling just over her own shoulder. “It’s about the shots. Ida’s been teaching me but she never mentioned about those.”

Gale took a deep breath, only the faintest bit of mirth left at the reminder of the ‘condom balloon’ incident. Ida had needed a stiff drink after taking her engineer aside and informing ‘Little Lu’ those were rubber socks men put on their members, and not in fact balloons. And yes, Benny had lied out of niceness, and yes men’s bodies sprayed things like cattle’s did when they got excited, and yes it’s for the purpose of making babies. Gale had heard all this from Ida after three stiff shots she’d downed like medicine, she’d relayed it in a perfect montone and Gale had not asked but she told him all the same, then said she needed to hit the sack and Ida Brady was gone while Gale remained at the bar with his cider and shaking shoulders. The memory had been amusing only weeks ago, when Douglass came to loot Benny’s footlocker for more rubbers and they’d all made a joke about Smith having beat him to them -for balloons.

“Everyone else seems to know and want them and I’m the slow one again.” Smith was muttering, a petulant look of annoyance crossing her young face, angry at herself.

“It’s about the guards.” Gale murmured.

Smith looked so hurt by that he wasn’t sure where he’d misstepped, but then, “Is it for what they did? Or is it such a sure they’re gonna keep hurting us and these- how do these help, sir?”

Gale startled and laid a heavy hand on her shoulder out of pure, gut instinct to impress on her his next words, “Not a single thing is goin’ to happen to you again, not like that, you hear me, Lu?” he shook her a little and it dislodged her own hand from her chest.

“Yes sir.”

“These are for anything you might’ve caught.” he tried to explain, coming up short and he knew it. If Bucky were here he’d use all manner of crass slang and common vernacular phrases to jog the poor girl’s memory about magazine advertisements, the sorts that warned of ‘diseases’, the underground posters and the bathroom stall flyers urging chastity or safety. Gale could not manage it back then and he couldn’t now. “Diseases Lu.” he tried again, “Men who aren’t- careful, or- disciplined, they, they spread diseases to the girl they’re with. Uh, with- intimately. If they’ve been with other girls before.”

He hoped to God that Ida had used the word ‘intimate’ when educating Smith on these finer yet so utterly crude aspects of human interaction. ‘Intimate’ seemed like a word Ida Brady would use, he thought he recalled her accusing him of being intimate with Kendeigh. Maybe the accusation had been ‘fraternizing’. Or ‘getting familiar’. Gale wasn’t sure, he only recalled that it had not been complementary and he had blushed into the floor under her stare but her accusation had been vague. He knew Ida had been vague.

Was she equally vague with Smith? Did that mean Smith was as uneducated as she’d been before Ida gave her an ineffectually Catholic lesson?

“They can spread it with-“ Smith paused only a minute before deciding to trust him, “-with their bodies? Like a wound?”

Gale gave her nod, trying to stay teacherly, “With their bodies. Yeah. They don’t need wounds it comes from- well, other places. Intimate places they- look, Smith if you weren’t hurt that way, you don’t need the shots.”

Grueling as this conversation was, nerve wracking as her dense innocence could be, it fed that traitorous bit of hope he’d been harboring since he lost all hope for himself that she might’ve been alright. It wasn’t fair to Kendiegh or Ida or Sanchez or any of the others to hope for that, but none of this was fair anyway. Maybe her lack of comprehension was a kindness.

Smith’s eyes were latching onto one surrounding thing and then another, a good long beat between each new object, not darting but roving, now latched on the doorframe and now on Gale’s coat buttons and then on to the glass window panes beside them as if she could see through the bubbled glass out into the dark yard. He could tell by her change in breathing more than the light when she began to cry.

“I didn’t want the girls to think I’m stupid.” She admitted, and she was definitely crying, “I’m their officer, I should know these things.” she explained, lips going into a full tremble, all the harmless jokes of before suddenly not a bit funny, “But I don’t know at all, I didn’t know they’d-“ Gale kept his hand on her now jolting shoulder, spending a little too much time thinking how to mould his own face to some correct expression for this as she began to crumble, it was better than watching too closely as she broke apart, “When they beat us and put the bags over our faces I- I expected it. It wasn’t right, we weren’t treated like prisoners but, I expected it. Ida had told us. Then they started saying things to her, the ones that could speak English and I-i really didn’t know what they meant, not at first until they started- oh Major, they, they started touching her, like lovers in a movie.”

Lu had her eyes squeezed shut like that would get the image out somehow, one brief flash and Gale could remember everything about laying there and seeing Sanchez’s face -and he knew nothing wiped the image out. “They had her chained to a bar and they kept doing that,” she went on, “It was over her head, the bar was over her head and I could tell how much she hated it, and she couldn’t do anything and they weren’t hurting her anymore, they were- they were touching her. They stopped beating her and started touching her, sir and I- that’s when I realized that, there could be something worse. They wanted us to start giving up ranks, and they kept doing that until we did and I wanted to give up then more than any time else. Just to make them stop doing that to her.”

Gale squeezed her shoulder and she jerked under it but cried afresh, she stayed still next to him and just kept crying. “Smith, right here and now I need to know if you’re alright.” he steered her away from memories back to now, as gently as he could, “Ida is gonna be alright, and she’s proud of you, and she expects you to take care of her girls, you hear me? And I need you well for that, Lu. I need to know if you’ve been hurt.”

Smith pulled herself back into a shaky composure, her neck still trembling so badly her head made tiny little jerks from time to time. “They did hurt me.” she agreed.

“Hurt you where you need these shots?” he gently clarified, hoping she was catching on, dreading the confirmation all the same.

“They put -they kept putting themselves inside me.” she got it out, her face dazed like she still didn’t understand it even as her voice cracked from a soul deep knowledge of the wrong done, “I didn’t know they could- they could use their bodies like that. I didn’t know. They kept doing it.”

-There had been only five.- Gale felt his belly lurch, some bowel deep memory of the same torture taking over him, like a haunting he couldn’t prevent. He’d thought he had it locked far down enough, hardly thought on it these days, but maybe he’d shoved it down to where it hurt in the first place, with his belly in knots all again and Sanchez’s cold face sneering and Benny’s worried eyes making his stomach shake and salt flood his mouth. He wanted to vomit.

“Oh Lu.” he muttered ineffectually, “C’mere.” and he had her hugged and cradled to his ratty jacket before his ingrained and temperate habits could interfere. He had her turned to the doors, her sobbing eyes pressed into his sweaty layers and it was better that way. With his lips pressed to the crown of her head he watched the rest of the hallway go on without them, men going back into the rooms once the shots had been administered, Benny darting into one with a bucket in hand. Gale saw Brady as Brady saw him, only making a small pause in his stride as he watched Gale hold Smith before he turned away, face still a blank slate, the boy went back to his sister.

Maybe if Gale had been closer or the hallway brighter he might’ve seen the same hurt and tears there as he and Smith were sharing, but Brady wasn’t close and he wouldn’t say and maybe Gale was a fool to think his own experience wasn’t a fluke. But Brady just went back to Ida, and Gale still felt the damning weight of the shot in his palm even as he hugged Smith’s narrow shoulders.

His own hip still smarted from the injection, -the shot for his cuts. Just his cuts.

“I’m sorry sir.” Smith was trying to say in between sobs, no doubt finding her emotions galling in the face of her prized professionalism.

“Don’t be.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll be fine-“

“I know.”

“I’ll be fine i just, I didn’t know-“

“I know, Lu.”

“It hurt so much.”

“I know.”

She pulled her face away, he was glad to see that while it was puffy and reddened, she looked far calmer. The suddenness of her recovery should have warned him. “Do you sir?” she whispered, pained.

“What?”

“Do you know, sir?” she asked again, harmless yet intent, “Did they hurt you that way too?”

Gale felt a rush of heat, heat and numbness where his hands fell from their grip on her and shook by his sides instead, and he hated his limbs for that betrayal. Heat, like she could see it so clearly on his face, like the harmless cuts on his face really spelled it out. Everyone’s suspicion of them put him on edge, wondering what was wrong with his bearing, his walk, the way he took a seat, that somehow exposed him. With her dark, pitying, horrified little face staring up at him, he felt like he was back on the bench with Benny holding him there, knowing most likely why he had to lay on his belly and not his back.

“Smith you can’t-“ Gale sounded young again and he hated it, when he was ready he began again, and this time he sounded like Major Cleven, “-don’t ever say shit like that again, alright? You can’t say shit like that. Not about- men. Not about me.”

She looked affronted and close to tears again, but his tone couldn’t be helped, last thing this stalag needed was news their Major had been so easily overcome. “I was just asking sir-“

“Not something you ask a man.” he informed her. “Like ya said, there’s lot of things you don’t know, it’s alright. But you don’t ask that, Smith.”

Harsh but necessary, he told himself again. Except she looked less hurt now and closer to something like anger, if her kind self could be angry. He’d seen her get angry when someone kicked a dog once. He’d seen her angry after a shit mission. She looked close to it now, like some grave injustice was firing her up. “But it can happen to men.” she was suddenly wise and he picked a cuticle bloody in trance-like distress, his face was motionless, “I know because they- they can put themselves both places.”

Fury took the place of numbness in his being and he grabbed her again, pulling her close and tucking her under his chin, she made a wounded noise when their chests collided despite the layers, but she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed back. “They’re never gonna do that again, Lu, never again. I’m gonna make sure of it. Bucky’ll make sure of it.” he swore, his voice gone so low it shook. “They hurt you other places?”

Smith shook her head against his chest, “I’ll take the shot, sir.” she murmured meekly. “Would you give it? I don’t want the others to-“

“Sure, Lu.”

He waited until she pulled away, her eyes downcast but the look on her face broke no argument that she wasn’t in a humor to be less than her rank. Gale shifted the shot in his palm and bit his lip, willing away any sentiment about it.

“Goes in the hip. Mark my words, those bicep shots that Tong went for- gonna hurt for ages, you don’t need that. Lemme put it in your hip.”

Smith nodded and cast a furtive glance behind her at the empty hall, only looking down again to undo her belt when Gale moved his body to block any hapless onlooker.

There were bruises when he gently aided her in tugging the drab olive aside, some nearly as dark as the ones on Ida and welts from what looked like a belt strap, even on the high swell of her hip. Gale knew the smarting bite of a belting.

“Did you wash these?” he whispered to her, crouching to better see his work as he made a harbor of unmarried muscle between his thumb and index finger, bunching up the meat of her leg and holding it for her to relax into his touch before he jammed the shot home.

“When we showered.” Lu wasn’t crying anymore but her voice matched his in its softness, tense anticipation for the jab mellowing the longer he kept her staid under his hold.

“Good.” he commended her, voice muffled by the needles’ cap between his lips.

She only stiffened when he drove it in, pressed down on the plunger with his thumb, kept his hand gripping her hip, shaking the muscle just so, “Loosen up.” he ordered, it would hurt less that way. Cleven heard her take a breath and try.

When he stood straight again he took the cap from his mouth and clicked it back on the needle, acting like it took great concentration and focus to do so, all while she pulled her trousers back up and refastened them discreetly. Her cheeks were wet once more, either from before or she’d begun crying again.

“You ok?” he asked.

She gave him a long series of nods as she got on top of the embarrassed anger. “Yes, thanks Buck.”

“I’m right down there.” he reminded, thumbing at his own quarters. “You feel the least bit sickly or- or anything, you come get me. Same for your girls.”

“Yes sir.”

“Alright, well get in there Lu,” he patted her toward her room, “one thing the krauts are picky about here is bedtime.”

Smith sucked in a breath between her teeth, a shuddering thing, “Alright, I’ll remember. Bedtime.”

“So you’re gonna remember bedtime and what else?” Gale catchized her.

“Bedtime and that…you’re -right down there.”

“Very good, Smith.”

“Night, Buck.”

“Night, Lu.”

💋 Hope you enjoyed! Feedback is a writer’s lifeblood, please feel free to scream in comments or the inbox, I love it and wanna hear it all. Trust me, nothing is “too dumb”. Your thoughts mean the world to me.

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[m1ckeyb3rry]

hello, i hope you’re doing fine! just read the new chapter of sith and came to banter about it again!!

- i’ve always wondered how colt felt about his little brother being a warrior candidate and i’m so glad you chose to touch on it in this chapter! of course, he would be upset but i also find myself thinking like was he angry or maybe disappointed in marley? because i’m pretty sure that in the first place he thought that him becoming a candidate would be enough to fix his family’s reputation and when he found out that that wasn’t the case, he must’ve been disappointed. it’s so sad to think that the moment colt was born, he kind of became the “savior” of the family and even though i’m sure that his parents love him and everything, they probably saw him as some kind of “pawn” to save themselves. i can imagine colt not wanting the same fate for his baby brother but not being able to do anything about it must be infuriating as hell. i’m sorry i just can’t help but feel awful about colt’s position in his parents’ lives🥲

- i truly enjoyed some heartwarming moments with y/n’s parents in this chapter, it was just so sweet🥺🥺 and we can now see that her mom is starting to get used to colt’s presence in her life, hopefully she’ll warm up to him a bit more!

- i must admit that nursery rhyme was so clever on your part. anyone who deals with some sort of anxiety knows the urgency to indulge into something familiar. y/n having a comfort rhythm hits too close to home.

- MY FAVORITE PART in the entire chapter was the banter between our fav trio😭 I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH. when they were talking about falco having a crush on gabi and friedrich coughing knowingly?? i died, that was soooooo funny. following that colt talking about cordelia and friedrich almost choking?? sooooo funny😭 and when y/n said that she would prefer spending her days with two of them even if she were a queen… i melted. i just want to protect them at all costs

- i absolutely loved your descriptions of the little warrior candidates, they were PERFECT. i was smiling the whole time i was reading that part. “a devilish grin compared to falco’s angelic frown” is a perfect way to describe gabi! gabi and falco truly compliment each other because they are literally the opposite. why are the grice boys so sweet😭 y/n mistaking gabi for alice was so fucking sad… my mood went down immediately after reading that.

to be honest, this was one of my favorite recent chapters! after the athyaen war, everything got a bit darker and i’m sure that it’s going to get even more darker, and i’m not complaining! but i just loved reading some light stuff and y/n being with her favorite people in the world and showing affection🥰 i also must say that i love your writing. the dialogues, the descriptions… it’s easy to read but descriptive when necessary. another amazing chapter🥰

HII!! I’m doing well. Or at least as well as I can considering it’s winter and I hate the cold 😭 but I love banter so I was happy to get another long ask :)

- colt’s relationship with his family always makes me so sad because like he really has had no other choice and he’s just so kind that he doesn’t even complain, he genuinely wants to save them (esp falco) and the fact that he can’t protect falco from being a candidate while knowing what the candidates go through is so hard for him. and i agree with what you said about his parents!! i actually think it was mentioned somewhere in the first chapter of sith let me find it

“This isn’t news to them. They’ve always been more hands-off with me; I’m their sacrificial lamb, remember? Falco’s the one they really care about; though, to be fair, it’s almost impossible to not care about Falco. Anyways, as I was saying, they’ve had years to prepare for this day. I promise you, they’re not upset about any of this,” he said.

that was when they were waiting to hear about who got into the candidacy program and y/n was telling her father to stop crying lol simpler times 😢 but yes although colt’s parents don’t dislike him and certainly love him, they’ve always kind of been resigned to his eventual death so they were just never as close with him as y/n’s parents are with her if that makes sense.

- speaking of her parents, i’m glad you like them!! i didn’t want to go the typical dead/absent parent route that’s so common in fics, but i wanted them to be realistic, too. i try to make them have typical human reactions to things like their daughter not coming home when she said she would, although at the same time, y/n isn’t exactly a typical kid, she’s a highly trained soldier, which is hard for her parents to balance. honestly i feel so bad for them because they deserve better…then again who doesn’t in this fic HAHAHA

- thank you!! i wanted to show that she’s doing her best to find coping mechanisms, and even if they’re not foolproof, they help at least a little. slowly but surely she’s finding a new sort of normal which is super important i think. this arc (which is actually almost finished!) and the next are mostly about the trio recovering from athyae so there’ll be a lot of finding little things that help them get through each day. i think a lot of the time the lasting impacts of things like war are glossed over in fiction and for some stories it works but ship in the harbor is one where i really want to show the effects it has on the characters! although there’s a lot of plot in the story, it’s also very internal/character focused, so i thought it didn’t make sense for y/n to do what she did in athyae and just bounce back immediately and be perfectly fine yk?? which is why there’s literally going to be ten chapters of just her mental state improving (amongst other things ofc)

- HAHAHA I MISSED THE TRIO TBH!! the three of them haven’t been together for a while, and the last time was on the train from athyae to liberio so y/n was in a VERY different headspace — it was immediately after her mirror-destroying mental breakdown LMAOO so there was minimal room for banter there. but they’re back with a vengeance now and thank goodness 😭 FRIEDRICH IS GENUINELY MY FAV CHARACTER EVER i think the way he’s the biggest y/n x colt shipper while simultaneously being totally in love with y/n is the funniest thing. the scenes with him and colt together are so much fun to write because they feed off of each other in such a strange way. honestly i think that the only time the boys act their ages is when they’re together which is so personal to me 😩 they really are best friends!! AND THEN YOU ADD IN Y/N AND IT’S JUST EVERY EMOTION POSSIBLE UGH I LOVE THEM TOO (but that won’t stop me from making them suffer)

- the little warrior candidates are so cute tbh!! i had a lot of fun describing them. even just through their looks i think you can tell a lot about their personalities! and i realized the alice/gabi parallels while writing and it made me so upset 😐 and the way alice was always jealous of y/n and now gabi idolizes her for being the “hero of athyae”…also the way y/n literally hates how she was in athyae and now she’s famous for it KILLS ME like no one is ever going to let her forget about it because they all think it’s so badass that she literally took down an entire country. meanwhile every time someone mentions athyae she gets actual flashbacks and has to leave 😭

- THE GRICES ARE THE SWEETEST BOYS EVER i think it was so funny when gabi was kind of shit talking colt and he was just like 😊 the entire time. canonically (i think it was mentioned as a fun fact at some point? which i just realized i didn’t do one for this chapter lol rip) all three of the trio are good with children but i think colt LIKES kids the most. he’d be such a good father one day ugh what a shame isayama killed him off 😒 keeping it undercover whether i’ll go the canon route w him or not 😁

this chapter felt like a breath of fresh air after everything w athyae and it was nice to write! i think that the impact of the more angsty/darker scenes is lessened when there’s no happiness to balance it out. for example — to me at least — hadrian and y/n’s ending was so much worse because we saw how happy she was with the amatas. that’s why i like showing occasional moments of happiness and lightheartedness with the trio!! it just makes it hurt more to read while knowing what’s to come 😈 and yes sith will get dark again soon (about six chapters from now, so the remaining chapter of this arc and then all of the next arc), but for now it should be pretty relaxing — more chapters like this one! because we all need time to decompress and recover from the entire defeat of athyae arc. also there just really won’t be many more “downtime” chapters after the next arc so i’m putting it all in now so that i don’t feel as bad about pretty much solely causing the trio trauma for like 65 chapters straight

AHH i’m so happy to hear you like my writing style! sith has been my longest ongoing story so it’s seen a huge evolution in my style, and i’m sure as i continue to write it will continue to evolve (we’re only about a quarter of the way through the story so it’ll definitely be some time before it’s finished which leaves plenty of room for development and improvement) the difference between the beginning and latest/ending chapters of the story will only grow, but i’m pretty happy with my style atm. i don’t like sounding pretentious or poetic for the sake of sounding poetic if that makes sense?? like i think some writers focus more on how pretty a sentence sounds instead of how functional it is, and although i do love pretty sentences, i think it’s important to also have them make sense and be comprehensible. i also love writing dialogue haha i think that’s what i get complimented on the most!! it’s just very fun for me to imagine entire conversations in my head…tbh sometimes writing dialogue feels more like i’m just transcribing what the characters are saying more than i am making something entirely knew up as weird as that sounds HAHA. but i’m glad you liked the chapter and thank you for reading!!

[moon-ursidae]

GAME SESSION 5 RECAP

i’m super sad to say that this might be the last session recap! i want to try to finish the game tonight bc i feel like i’m so close to the ending. idk what i’m gonna do with my life afterwards haha

i plan on writing a big post about my experience playing this game as a whole, and other thoughts i had other than me just writing down gibberish as i play lmao. i just love this game to fucking bits.

as per usual, spoilers for both games and the hbo series below!!

i genuinely am scared to finish this game bc it’s been the only thing that’s kept me going this week before the semester 😳

hours played: 3-4ish?

ALRIGHTY FOLKS! SHOWTIME!

alright so we’re at the section called highway exit

starting off in the stairwell directly after joel asked ellie if she really wanted to go through with this

“well i ain’t leavin without ya. let’s go wrap this up.” ALREADY STARTING OFF WITH A BANG HUH?

i love them.

this poor dude died on the shitter

elvis?? HAHA SORRY

“i’m sorry joel.” “that’s okay ellie.” 😭😭 AHH

i genuinely could not imagine losing your daughter like that, then having to move on so fast for your own survival. fucking insane.

and the piano in the back? so beautiful

SHE TOOK THE PICTURE OF SARAH AND JOEL😭😭

“well, no matter how hard you try, i guess you can’t escape from your past. thank you” AFTER HE TOOK A DEEP BREATH😭😭😭

oh my god that is very much a bloater

THERE ARE SO MANY?? WHY??

that had me C L E N C H I N G

“that’s something you can do when we’re done.” “what?” “teach me how to swim” “you got it.” go away i’m emotionally unstable

oh god it’s the hospital

every time they tell each other to be careful, specifically ellie telling joel to be careful and he ALWAYS reassures her. like just now i’m ferrying her across on the palette and she said “be careful” and joel responded “i gotcha” UGH my heart strings dude. they’re being tugged

joel pulling a nathan drake w the ladder breaking lmao

i’m amazed i figured out how to get across that fast

oh damn these are some rapids

i have an inkling something is going to give way and joel or ellie is going to be swept away by the current

“you’re gonna catch me?” “i got you” 😭😭

“see? you didn’t even need me” I’M GONNA CRY HE’S SUCH A DAAAAD

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY DUDE

OH MY GOD ELLIE NOO

HER JUST FLOATING STOP IT

OH MY GOD

HE’S AT GUNPOINT BUT STILL GIVING CPR OH MY GOD😭

“c’mon ellie” DESPERATELY GIVING CPR

NOOOOO FUCK THAT GUY FUCK YOU ASSHOLE YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT

MARLENE!

“and ellie?” SUCH. A. DAD.

“it was her. she fought like hell to get here.” crying in da club

“maybe it was meant to be” yes that they bonded and became father and daughter. was absolutely meant to be i agree.

”take me to her.” “you don’t have to worry about her anymore. we’ll take ca-“ “i worry. just let me see her please.”😭😭😭😭

they’re so hopeful for a vaccine no matter what and he’s just so worried about ellie🥺

“find someone else” JOEL ANGY

aye! lay off my man here bro

yoooo i didn’t know marlene knew her that long!

“then why are you letting this happen?” the desperation and anger in his voice :(

“if he tries anything, shoot him.” marlene all due respect but i feel as though joel is the one that will be doing the shooting

THE WAY JOEL LOOKED BACK AT HIM AFTER HE WAS SHOVED 🫢

this dude is so fucked

BRO DO NOT F U C K WITH JOEL OH MY GOD

“i don’t have time for this” GODDAMN

this shit is so intense my hands are SWEATING and i only just cleared the first area of fireflies

the west wing? but i was taught by beauty and the beast to never go there! lmao

that guy coming out of the door scared the shit outta me

OOF this surgeon’s recording about ellie’s immunity and that it’s huge for the better of mankind

wait that would be abby’s dad then right??

damn. marlene’s recording. fucking crazy. i couldn’t imagine being joel though and getting confirmation that they HAVE to kill ellie to make a vaccine.

so in game, it’s april 28th. gotcha. noted

marlene talking about how they radioed in that they spotted an old man and a young girl 💀 joel’s not that old guys c’mon

“yea that’s it. i’m comin’ ellie.”😭😭😭

marlene’s voice recordings :(

she won’t kill joel bc he understands how difficult the choice is

and he’s kept her safe from boston to fucking utah. across the damn country

OH MY GOD THE SURGEON TEAM’S SHADOWS IN THE FUCKING WINDOW

jesus fuck bro

“sweet jesus.”

GUYS LOOK IT’S ABBY’S DAD

one choice and the second game would go SO differently dude.

god seeing ellie on the table hurts my soul

i’m hesitating shooting them dude holy fuck

i shot 2 of them i feel horrible i left the woman i feel horrible oh my god oh my god oh my god

i feel so fucking bad right now i feel so GUILTY

“come on babygirl” 😭😭😭

THE WAY THIS IS SO FULL CIRCLE

I KNOW JOEL IS HAVING FLASHBACKS RN I FEEL HORRIBLE

RUNNING FROM PEOPLE IN GEAR SHOOTING AT HIM WHILE CARRYING HIS DAUGHTER😭😭😭😭😭😭

this music dude. i’m gonna fucking cry.

joel keeps saying that he’s gonna get her out🥺

the way it just fucking cuts to the pov of him driving. insane.

“turn out there’s a bunch more like you ellie. people that’re immune. dozens actually.”

the way he stuttered after the shot of him shooting marlene AH

i kind of hate the way that he’s lying to her, but i understand. we see how it affects them once she learns the truth about what happened.

“i’m takin’ us home” 🥺🥺

“i’m sorry.” HE’S APOLOGIZING FOR SO MUCH THAT SHE ISN’T AWARE OF RIGHT NOW AND THAT UUUGH

i am indeed crying

“you’ll just come after her.” BRO. JOEL.

i fuckin- need a MINUTE bro

another outfit change slay sorry i felt like that was a big switch up from what just happened haha

oooooh i’m playing as ellie? this is weird

“sarah and i used to take hikes like this. i think the two of you would’ve been good friends.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ELLIE AGREEING🥹😭😭

jackson!

the fucking music is making me emotional

“i struggled for a long time. surviving.” AND THEN RUBBING HIS WATCH I’M FUCKIN- I CANNOT DO THIS

THEM OPENING UP TO EACH OTHER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“swear to me. swear to me that everything you said about the fireflies is true.” UH OH.

“i swear.” i-

THE SHOT! THE FAMOUS ELLIE SHOT! AH!

“okay.”

CREDITS?

i- wh-

i’m just kinda sitting here frozen bc i don’t know what to do now

my life is so different now

there was a version of me before playing this game and now i’m here and do not know what to do

it’s bittersweet. i feel like a tightness in my chest bc i’m sad but a happiness as well bc this game was amazing.

chills. goosebumps all over my body.

i cannot believe this is over.

great i’m C R Y I N G now lmao

THE LAST OF US THEME PLAYING NOW YYYEEEAAAAAAAA

HER KNIFE IN THE WINDOW STOP. OH MY GOD.

i have so many things to say, so i’ll do a seperate post on that like i mentioned earlier.

all in all, jesus fucking christ.

[sunuism]

ok here comes the essay on each member! firstly people always say omg this person looks like this and that irl or this person is so ripped etc and like no. they look exactly like they do in photos which i honestly think is even more incredible like they’re truly some very beautiful men. like genuinely all of them are so good looking it’s insane how the hell did a company called fucking cracker entertainment ensemble such a visual power house 🤒🤕 also. no hyunjae isn’t big and ripped and sunwoo isn’t tiny. they’re all about the same size except for height like idk what people on twitter are on about. they look exactly what you think they’re gonna look like? like yeah sunwoo is like super skinny but i knew that??? i was in the third row from the front so i was only maybe 15 meters away from them and since i’m tall my view was pretty good. anyways here we go

first of all sunwoooooo 😩 he’s sooooo gorejuice like i’m not exaggerating he’s just as pretty irl as in photos. and especially his smile is sooooo pretty like guys… i’m gonna cry. anyways he’s also such a good dancer like i knew but seeing it live really makes it more obvious. he gave a lot of energy during the songs but during the talking times he was more quiet 😌 he was on my side of the stage so i really got to see him a lot i’m so happeeeeeeee. also i think he’s in his thot era or something like he was acting so crazy😝

chanhee was so cute like with his pink hair omg 🥺 especially during whiplash and break your rules he was jumping around and he looked like he was really having fun :) he didn’t come to my side of the stage a lot so i didn’t get him up close a lot but when i did 😩 he’s so pretty omg

the member who surprised me the most was changmin. like people really aren’t kidding when they say he has amazing stage presence. from the very beginning when they came in to do maverick where he starts out as the center i like felt it in my soul omg he was so good and also so cewt during the taking times

kevin was the most interactive with the audience, much more than anyone else. he was the closest to me when they were on the extended stage so it was really fun how he was interacting with people. he also learned a lot of phrases in german and even thought i didn’t understand everything it was a nice sentiment

the second closest to me was sangyeon. he is certainly a guy (complimentary)… sorry i didn’t really pay as much attention to everyone 😓 but he was wearing a lot of sleeveless shirts so i’d like to thank him for arm :)

younghooooooon! he’s like soooo hot like i thought he was good looking from pictures but irl 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 also he looked so tall compared to everyone else like sirrrrrr 😰 he also came a lot to my side so i really saw him up close omgggg 😫

juyeon is such a guy like. his just some dudeness is so overwhelming 😭 he looked really happy also and he was decked out in berlin merch at the encore stage which i thought was so fun. also he’s sexy but we KNOW that 🤭

haknyeon was also so cewt. he has a very round face so he looks really young actually. j can’t believe we’re the same age like he looks like a baby. i also took this really funny picture of him with some funny sunglasses 😎

jacob was actually the one who looked the most different up close. or not like different but… idk. he has really big eyes like i’ve never thought about it before. also i was really sad i could barely hear them sing bc people were screaming so much a round me bc he was doing a lot of adlips and harmonies :( 😢

i don’t really have much to say about hyunjae idk… i didn’t really notice him a lot. ofc he was his usual goofy self so that was fun 🤭 but apart from that i only remember thinking wow his nose is really like that 🤔

overall i only have positive impressions of everyone. they were all pretty good at going around the stage so i got so wave at everyone. also i know this is gonna make me sound delusional but i swear i had eye contact with sunwoo for a millisecond or something like i swearrrrrr. i was also wearing a mask as the only one in my area so i think i stood out a bit. also due to being tall ig… but ofc i didn’t have longer eye contact with anyone. 💀 anyways here’s some pictures

the last three they are standing at the very corner of the stage that was closest to me :)

omg i almost forgot the haknyeon picture omg here it is… snazzy

[fangirlincorporate]

My thoughts while reading Ch 50

I feel like a complete asshole saying this, but Hiyori doesn’t have any idea about what to do with injuries despite wanting to be a doctor and having a highly prestigious doctor as a father? (at least I think he is).

I know it’s not common knowledge so I shouldn’t be so harsh with that mindset. I think I just have it ingrained in my mind what the basics are due to the training I have so when other people don’t know I have genuine confusion as to how they don’t. But again she is a child so it should be expected.

I think I have an idea as to where this is going now. She’s going to lose herself in the despair of what’s going on around her. That earlier scene with her giving Yato the beat down also got me thinking. Why doesn’t Yato teach her ways to defend herself in her actual body? After everything that’s happened up until now has that not been a thought in anyones mind?

I’m still wondering why Yato went chasing after his dad only to not really fight him. There really must be something only he knows about. Which he should just tell Yukine what it is, but what do I know. Communication on the battlefield is important. He knows this. But instead he’s letting his dad hit him.

He even went so far as to put his arm in front of Yukine. Now I really want to know what Koto’s abilities are that are making Yato hold back. What the heck is going on.

But also what’s this bit about his father saying he’s not the real enemy? Is there another hidden plot coming to the surface or is this just another manipulation tactic? Or was he just implying that Bishamon is the enemy since she comes in the next page?

Ah yes Bisha to the rescue, but Koto high tailed it out of there faster than a bat out of hell. Too busy sneaking around in the shadows like a coward to face his enemies head on.

I know he’s not afraid of her. He’s just a slimy rat wanting to stay in the dark. 😤

Again with them fighting. You’re on the same side guys! You just have different ideals. It’s a love hate relationship through and through.

But Yato is even worried about Bisha being unable to defeat his father. Just what is this dude capable of!? There is no way he’s genuinely stronger than Yato or Bisha. Mizuchi must have a really powerful ability that makes him on par with the Gods. I’m still a little lost on how he, a mortal, has lived this long but I’ll put the pieces together eventually. It just doesn’t make sense to me yet. (I’m a bit slow don’t judge me)

Ah I see. Kind of. I need more than this to go off of to figure it all out. Does he cause blight? Or is it more than that? I guess I’ll read on to find out.

Even so without knowing his abilities I feel like Bisha could do some damage. She has Kazuma after all. Her shinki are all amazing in battle together. Yato should have more faith in her abilities and work on this crippling fear he has of his dad. He has to in order to protect the ones he loves most. OP ability or not.

Oi Oi uncalled for Hiyori 😭 it’s not his fault. Pull yourself together it will be okay.

And trash dad is all smug thinking he’s won. Yeah okay bud. You have seen nothing yet.

It’s definitely not going to go down like this but the idea of these two fighting makes me really sad. I know Hiyori is struggling, but somewhere in there she has to know it’s going to be okay. It always has been as long as Yato is there.

I bet this next chapter is gonna hurt.

[imtheaestheticslave]

Thingss i love about him:

- when he laughs at me although i dont even know what the hell he is laughing about. He looks so handsome when he cracks up though <3 (although i must look so dumb but im happy that he’s enjoying his time with me 😋)

- The way he does his own thing without giving an f about others

- The way he pins my head down to kiss me when im on top of him (😏)

- The way when he comes in and sees me in bed then he gonna comes to me and hug me (like aww babeee😭)

- The way he burries his head in my neck or my chest (unfortunately got no boobs to offer🥲) when we cuddles (it makes me feel like im his safe space and awww ofc i am YOUR safe space😏)

- He called me his alcohol, dessert and 🧸 (like that is way better then the body punching bag shit when we were first close)

- The way he says certain stuff purposefully to piss me off/ teases me just so he can see my angry/mad reaction because i know he likes it and thinks it’s funny/cute😛 and wants to see it

- His “uhuh” is the hottest thing alive (like i wanna die hearing that)

- How much he likes beer

- His AMAZING movie taste (very different from mine but his movies are real cinematic experiences and taught me how to be patient to enjoy movies since i have always been into fast-paced shits because they r the only thing that caught my attention fully)

- Yeah and he does teach me to be patient as well

- Hate to admit this but great taste in music, teaches me a lot as well

- Him playing with my bum

- The fact that he respects and loves his mom so much and said nothing wrong with a mother’s boy (YESS DADDY)

- He’s grounded as hell

- When we watch dark and he laughed at me and said “it’s cute that you think u’re right” when im trying to guess who’s noah (like i dont get what’s so funny but ummmmm i LOVEEE that reaction of yours)

- His jokes (he thinks he’s soo funny) and uhm my mean im trying my best to humble him down by not laughing😂

- Whenever i get all sad he would hug me tighter in his arms

- When he pads on my shoulder when i cry and say “it’s alright” (i love you so much)

Things i “hate” about him:

- the way he turns everything into a competition bc “i’m a competitive guy” and as a result i owe him 100000 mc donalds already (like baby i would lose everytime and we both know how much power u have over me <3)

- Think he’s a judge in our debates

- If he ever changes his mind about liking me again im gonna kill his asss (and whoever next bitch he’s intending to fuck)

- When he randomly thinks about work when i give him head and obv work always catches his attention even when he’s with me like duh🤨🥺😤😡🤬😳

- The way he knows that i want him to kiss me but he doesn’t (like wtf is that altitude😒)

- Doesnt want to go to sainsbury car parks with me for the aesthetics

- Refuse to believe aliens live underground

- Too self-aware about how much i like him so when i try to lie he will be like “are you though” and reads me too well and soo i can’t be the pathological liar i have always been (bitch sees through my soul😔)

- How he obsseses over parisian and french (like no disrespect to france but he’s too into it)

- How he doesnt stand up for me when yosef is roasting the hell out of my astrology shits

- Narricistic

- Take a long time to admit that my bum is good (not the head though😉)

- Rarely gives compliments 😔😣🚩, instead says “they’re not bad”, “it’s adequate)

- Genuinely thinks that i cant take a joke while i literally can i just act offended sometimes for fun😤

- When he’s tired of fingering me😡

- Sometimes he’s off and just doesnt kiss me that much

- How he says “let’s go back to be friends” so easily like he doesnt care at all although i know he does care

- When he says “u gonna find someone else” and “im not that special”

He’s never been my bf and we came back to friends several months ago. But we crossed the line again😳🥲 (not surprising though), will update more on this list x

[aashiqeddiediaz]

9-1-1: Season 3 Episode 15 Live Blog

I’ve tagged this like 3 times for spoilers so don’t come for me lmao

EDDIE BEGINSSSS. WE’RE HERE FOR THAT.

Forgot to liveblog part of it lmao.

I CRIED WHEN EDDIE CUT THE CORD. IT HASNT EVEN BEEN 30 SECONDS

Wow I hear that spite in Shannon’s voice. honestly can’t blame her BUT also kinda can?

The necklace 😭

SOPHIA AND ADRIANA. Love it!

Why does Ryan have to force himself to act with his female love interests. What is going on.

Maybe I’m projecting LMAO

LOOK AT EDDIE GO

Buck my little baby

Eddie looks so fondly at Buck literally wtf is Ryan talking about

Evan Buckley is incapable of looking at Eddie Diaz with anything less that pure unadulterated love and I stand by that.

Hell if they just HELD HANDS, I would be more than happy.

Christopher is the light of my life omg

Those flashbacks, the slight dimming of Eddie’s smile...😭😭😭

Buck 😂😂😂😂

BATHENAA crumbs

EDDIE FOLLOWING THEM CLUES? OUT OF WHICH ONE IS A TANKER?

This baby :( Hayden :(((

Eddie is literally so sad maybe I love him a lot.

BUCK COMING FOR THE GUY WHO’S PULLING THE PLUG. I’m here for that! 

I’m here for Eddie taking the lead dear LORD he’s adorable

Defending Jacob! OH IT’S THAT PROMO

“Christopher’s a priority so you should stay home with him” okay but here’s the thing

Eddie holding a young Christopher 😭😭😭

She left him crying!

“You’re not the only one that feels alone.” my baby :((((

Not saying Shannon was wrong, but people really do not understand the horrors soldiers see...

30 minutes that I’m gonna die in

HE WAS RIGHT THERE.

Eddie cutting the line completely! That’s definitely me but HOW ARE THEY GONNA GET DOWN THERE NOW. EDDIE.

he really cut the cord twice in one episode, huh?

The 118 looking like their world just shattered and honestly? Same.

Buck’s expression of pure panic :/ watch me turn this into pure whump LMAO

Him kissing that locket I’m...

OH MY GOD. MY ADHAAN. I HEAR MY CALL TO PRAYER

and naturally there’s another song. Why can’t they just let us enjoy it.

SHIT THAT MISSILE.

they turned it into a stereotypical thing again. naturally. Why can’t we catch a break already.

But eh. It’s fine. It’s fine

HE WAS SHOT IN THE SHOULDER?

Was he the leader? Literally everyone keeps calling for him.

HE WAS SHOT IN THE WRIST TOO?

maybe I’m crying so hard

3 bullets, BROKEN BONE, dislocated shoulder

STAFF SERGEANT DIAZ

That acting :(

Hands down one of my favourite scenes of Eddie ever.

“Daddy can be a hero in the kitchen.” 😂😂😂

There’s that huge adjustment period, and we can see it in Eddie’s behaviour, which is amazing on Ryan’s part.

Grant’s Christopher looks exactly like a younger Gavin’s Christopher

CHIMNEY AND EDDIE YES! That’s another Dynamic Duo I’d love to see more of tbh.

NO. NO. THEY DIDN’T DO THAT

BUCK. BUCK’S ANGUISH IS MY OWN.

Oliver is an AMAZING, UNDERRATED actor, and you can see that in that scene because he’s not concerned about appearances. He genuinely flips out, first one off the ground because the love of his life his best friend is stuck down there. 

Buck would NEVER give up on Eddie. EVER.

We got so fed tonight omg.

Eddie’s parents...I just :( I understand it but :(

Oh it’s that jean jacket!

What three jobs do he be working?

“I miss you all the time” - the light of my life

No, no no. Don’t do this. If this show does this, I’m literally going to...

All these flashbacks of Buck and Christopher? I just...

Okay don’t come for me. but literally 70% of those flashbacks were of Buck and Christopher

It Tim Minear does this to me I’m literally going to commit a crime I can’t come back from.

YES. FIGHT TO COME HOME TO YOUR FAMILY.

HE CAME OUT. BY HIMSELF. YES.

Buck looks like two seconds away from losing it entirely

“Won’t be easy” and then Buck just running for him? YES.

Buck is smiling so hard with relief at seeing Eddie and I-

Eddie literally does everything for his son and I can’t breathe.

I wish we’d gotten a scene of Eddie getting back home and just...desperately hugging Chris tight. but since we didn’t I’m gonna write it lmao

Ryan did PHENOMENAL in this episode. Especially that scene with in the makeshift hospital!

Kudos to all the actors but special mentions to Ryan, Gavin and Oliver honestly. 

That’s a family right there (Eddie, Chris and Buck)