#so all over the place but i am telling myself it is thematic

[8blud]

                                                               𝚛.𝟺-𝟷𝟸𝟶

                                                                    ‘ raru. ’

𝚊  𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚍  𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖  𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚊  𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚕  𝚢𝚘𝚞  𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝  𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛.     𝚊𝚗  𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚜  𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚘𝚞𝚝  𝚘𝚏  𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚜  𝚘𝚏  𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛  𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜,   𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗  𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛  𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚎𝚔  𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎  𝚊  𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚛.     𝚊  𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔  𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎  𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚔-𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚎  𝚊𝚜  𝚒𝚝  𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚜  𝚏𝚘𝚛  𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜.

basics.

given  name.     rowan  rockwell. real  name.     r.4-120. nickname.     ‘   raru,   ’   give her more. label.     the  synthetic  lamb. (   perceived   )   age.     thirty. gender  identity.     agender   (   she   +   any   ). orientation.     bisexual. occupation.     clinical  statistician  at  anunnaki  pharmaceuticals   &   political  spy  for  the  red-eye,   unknown. moral  alignment.     lawful   /   neutral  evil. character  inspiration.     frankenstein’s  monster   (   frankenstein   ),   rei  ayanami   (   neon  genesis  evangelion   ),   david8   (   alien  franchise   ),   amy   dunne   (   gone  girl   ),   kd6-3.7   (   blade  runner  2049   ),   antigone   (   greek  literature   ),   victoria  neuman   (   the  boys   ),   glados   (   portal   ),   makima   (   chainsaw  man   ).

background.

vivid  memories  that  flicker  into  view,   like  an  old  movie  reel  settling  into  its  camera.     a  swing  at  the  back  of  her  garden,   frayed  at  the  ends.     a  person  standing  over  her  bed,   touching  her  neck  and  squeezing  her  nose  shut.     her  mother  on  a  damp  bed,   pills  strewn  between  the  creases.     a  man,   her  father,   bending  down  to  kiss  her  forehead.     a  boy’s  glob  of  spit  flying  into  her  face.

innocuous  little  images,   unfelt  and  unreachable.     a  dense  forest,   with  an  endless  amount  of  branches,   still  yields  finite  endings.     they  were  written  when  her  arm  could  rigidly  write  her  name,   without  curves.     she  cannot  taste  her  mother’s  sweat  and  tears;   she  cannot  feel  her  father’s  lips,   whether  they  were  chapped  or  moist.     without  help,   she  couldn’t  name  people  in  a  picture  that  captures  her  smiling  face,   fat-cheeked  and  wide-eyed.

in  some  dreams,   she  reaches  for  her  mother’s  pills  and  swallows  them.     the  taste  would’ve  stained  her  little  tongue  for  the  rest  of  her  life.     her  young  stomach  should’ve  lost  its  lining,   until  her  blood  spouts  from  the  organ  like  it’s  gasping  for  air.     drowning  in  her  enclosed  body,   breathing  for  the  first  time.     her  finite  endings  feel  created,   even  when  they  are  missed.     a  possibility  that  was  never  actually  possible.     and  yet,   this  is  where  she  should’ve  died.     the  end  screen  would’ve  been  red,   and  she  would’ve  cried  blood-tears.

bitten  by  curiosity,   she  swallows  those  pills  as  an  adult.     no  side  effects.     her  spit  yearns  to  foam  like  it  did  on  her  mother’s  lips.     her  hands  are  not  her  own  as  she  swallows  more.     and  yet,   nothing.     no  nausea,   no  loss  of  awareness.     not  even  lethargy  sets  in.     just  as  awake,   just  as  alive.     steady  heart,   steady  hands.     untouched  by  pain.

the  years  seem  to  wear  on  and,   interspersed  between  these  images  of  her  life,   are  bare  flashes  of  white  pain.     no  picture,   all  sensation.     three  times,   she  tries  to  focus  on  the  feeling,   before  she  learns  how  to  remember.     if there’s  a  shock  in  the  memory,   her  arm  jerks.     when  it’s  the  simple  feeling  of  temperature,   her  arm  doesn’t  move.

months  pass,   she  thinks,   and  she  begins  to  hear  voices.     they  call  her  an   ‘   r.4   ’   unit,   the  120th  model.     it  changes  nothing.     fear  doesn’t  sit  at  the  base  of  her  throat;   her  parents  remain  un-grieved.     they’re  just  another  statistic,   another  nipped  bud  that  wouldn’t  serve  the  ending  that  was  written  into  her  code.     if  it’s  perfection  she  was  made  for,   then  it  is  perfection  she  will  strive  for.

(  as  an  aside,  i’m  imagining  her  as  a  slightly  earlier  model.  a  very  good  rendition  of  a  person,  but  ‘lacking’  human  empathy.  a  bit  more  in  line  with  blade  runner’s  other  replicants,  like  the  interrogation  at  the  beginning  of  the  movie.  )

(  i’m  also  not  imagining  her  as  a  ‘fighting’  model,  more  of  a  supporting  unit.  she  would  struggle  to  feel  pain,  and  she  would  always  get  up.  in  a  fight,  however,  if  the  other  person  has  more  training  ( … )  they  got  her  coach.  )

(   commissioned  by  the  red-eye  to  be  their  intel  droid  and  political  spy.     she  was  built  to  endure  anything,   to  ‘  die  ’  and  be  able  to  come  back  again.     hence  her  further  increased  invulnerability  and  hindered  empathy  skills.     the  emphasis  is  on  gathering  information,   and  getting  out  physically  unscathed   –   even  if  she  is  caught.   )

[bakuhatsufallinlove]

since the general fanbase seems to find calebs translations questionable, is there any translators you'd recommend instead? (if you answered this before i couldnt find it, so sorry if its an FAQ)

The general fanbase does not speak Japanese, so first I would recommend you not take their opinion into account.

I am not trying to be combative, I’m serious. About 85% of the hatred for the official translator stems from things that have absolutely nothing to do with the quality of his work. 10% of the hatred claims to be about the quality of his work, but comes from people who do not actually speak Japanese and therefore have no place judging it. Only 5% of the negativity I've seen has any real merit as translation criticism.

For the record, I’m not going to address the source of that 85%, because the quality of a person’s character is objectively irrelevant to assessing whether their translations are accurate or effective. What you or I think about the official translator is of no importance. Shitty people can be good at their job. That’s just a fact.

The official translations are overall accurate, effective, and of high quality. Viz obviously has in-house standards for tone and aesthetic in translation; they have an existing “shonen” branding adapted for American audiences. It is about marketing. This is evident in all of their published works. Some people find the tone and aesthetic off-putting—this is totally understandable, I’m not particularly a fan myself.

Generally, the worst you tend to get with the official translations is somewhat weird or exaggerated characterizations and the occasional missed thematic callback. The worst you get with the fan translations that are popular is them being factually wrong at times—as in, their translator simply did not know the meaning of the words they tried to translate. It's not that mistakes never happen in the official, but the Viz translator is fluent in Japanese and translates as his full-time occupation. He works with Japanese fluidly and constantly. He knows what he’s doing. When fan translators falter, it is usually because they are clearly not fluent, and this is something they do out of passion or for fun in their free time.

I typically avoid criticizing the fan translations for this reason, despite their issues. I myself translate out of love and enjoyment; I don't want to harsh on anyone's good time or discourage fan activity. I bring this up only because many people put the fan translations on a pedestal while promoting scorn and distrust of the officials.

But you asked me for recommendations.

So, I will tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes: if I loved a series that was written in Spanish, I would read the official English translation. If someone told me some important things are glossed over in the official release, I would surely look into those—but only take the perspectives of Spanish speakers into account, because how are English speakers supposed to know what’s what? I would compare those perspectives (because there is no way everyone will have the same opinion) and see if there are any other translations, while looking to understand what the rationale is for the differences therein.

And then I would come to my own conclusions about the characters and the story, because in the end our relationship to media is personal. What the story means to me and what I think the creator was trying to do is fundamentally up to me to decide.

I grew up in the era of bootleg anime and manga with nigh-incomprehensible translations and official releases with butchered, thoughtless dubbing, released seven years after the series already ended. By comparison, what we have today—cheap or even free releases available simultaneously or within two weeks of the Japanese release—is fucking magnificent. It is the result of many people working incredibly hard all the time. I don't think we should take that for granted.

No translation will ever be perfect. Human beings are not perfect, we all have biases and our own interpretations and reactions to media. Our relationships to stories are personal. This includes translators.

I disagree with the official translator on a few things, particularly in regards to characterization. But I don’t think that ruins the official release, and I don’t think anyone should shun or scorn it on the whole. We should engage curiously and thoughtfully about why it is the way it is, and what else can be gleaned from the original text.

Having said all that, you actually inspired me to do a little series examining the wins and losses of the official release, so please look forward to that.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #02 & #01 (Finale)

02. CZECHIA Vesna - "My sister's crown" 10th place

Decade ranking: 5/116 [Above Daði Freyr, below Käärijä]

Finland over Czechia seems like a no-brainer. Some midcarding bitches vs ~K*Ä*Ä*R*I*J*Ä~ come on, how hard can it be? Who is Czechia even for?!

ME, motherfucker. This entry is for ME, and FOR ME ALONE!!! and since this is MY ranking, that made the decision very difficult. It took me MONTHS to settle who to put at the top.

Vesna are often cited as one of the more overrated acts in the year. Overrated by whom? Who overrates Vesna? Isn't 10th a correct placement? i've met NO ONE who would even consider putting them as high as second? - and I obv don't count since it took me AN ETERITY to out myself as a Vesna stan!!

I'd counter that Czechia are THE MOST UNDERRATED by the fandom (not by placement - that is Slovenia, as always) and absolutely deserved all the good things that happened to them ^_^

So obviously, there are multiple factors at work here. The song is a fantastic earworm. Like, defo one of the best in the year? In terms of sheer replayability, "My Sister's Crown" is on the same level as "Edgar" (studio only :-/) and "Carpe Diem", and you know how much I value those. The song has four languages (including Bulgarian) and none of them clash. The lyrics are quotable and fun. This is a track with ATTITUDE and ZEST, that managed to criticize the war in Ukraine without beating us over the head with it via a poorly hidden, clumsily written political message. The song is SMART, and respects its listeners.

LOVE'S NOT A MONEY BAG BLOOD'S ON YOUR GOD'S HANDS YOU CANNOT STEAL OUR SOULS

However, going into the year, there were issues - Vesna were messy and dissonant, and the six girls often gave the impression of competing against each other for attention. They were not a UNIT. Although "My Sister's Crown" was always one of the best songs, many (including myself!) were sceptical it could come together.

And it did, spectacularly.

See, one of the things about this year is that the good performances and good songs were often mismatched. Albania, Estonia and Poland had great on-stage glam-ups, but they were severely hampered by the songs being what they were. Other countries such as France and Austria had good songs, but required really good acts to tie them together, and failed or, in case of say UK, has good acts that were performed badly.

If you made a Venn Diagram between the best songs and the biggest growers, there wouldn't be much overlap. Except for Czechia.

To quote Matteo Lane's pearl of wisdom; if there's only ONE GAY, everything gets done! Ahmad Malloun was the One Gay and channeled his bossbottom energy to fuss Vesna into shape. Suddenly, the girls were harmonious and disciplined and that made all the difference. Suddenly, Czechia had an act with a clear vision - Six women united visually through their outfits. Vesna had become a UNIT, united through sisterhood.

SESTRO KRASIVA OI TI SILYNA HOROBRA JEDINA KORONA TVOJA

It really doesn't get mentioned nearly often enough how amazing the Czech staging was. Sure, Loreen and Käärijä, both top notch. But this is my personal favourite of the bunch. It's a visually stunning, avant garde act that fits the music, that fits the thematics, that pulls you in and tells a story without overtly complicating matters. They start as a group of angry hexaplets and then burst into joyful sororian rapture at the end. The staging is both aesthetically pleasing and intuitive. They hit the gold standard for acts that everyone should try to strive for!!

There are times where I wonder whether I really should rank Vesna above Käärijä. My Sister's Crown fully morphed into a me-coded entry. And perhaps, if and when I watch 2023 again, I may do exactly that. For now though, I've decided against it. The argument for Finland is less complicated, so I went with that. And now for the winner of this ranking I am sure NOBODY saw coming ever:

-------------------------------------------------------------

01. FINLAND Käärijä - "Cha Cha Cha" 2nd place

Decade ranking: 4/116 [Above Vesna, below Chanel]

It's Käärijä, bitch.

I rest my case for ranking Finland first. I don't think anyone argues this as invalid? Good, let's pick it all apart because if there's anything Käärijä deserves, it is being talked about. 😉

So um, where to start? Maybe it's best to start with the song - "Cha Cha Cha" was that rare 1-in-500 entry. I always say that novelty always tends to become stale over time - once in a blue moon however, it endures. "Cha Cha Cha" is a novelty song that is also an excellent song in its own right, and it stil holds up very well. It's a fun song to listen to, even without all the circus and theatrics.

The circus and theatrics though, omg <3 Talk about a DELECTABLE act, once again. This is yet again an example of how staging compliments the song and makes it digestible. Cha Cha Cha is entirely in Finnish with only a few loan words tossed in - difficult to get into on paper. The staging however, brings the plot points home.

The song's about wanting to overcome anxieties to dance? So break from the crates

Confront the inner Dance Demons that harass your psyche

make your way to the dancefloor while dodging decapitation via errant wires.

and then, when you overcome all fears transition to that godly, campy key chance, ride your them, having overcome your inhibitions.

AND I GALLAVANT ON THE FLOOR LIKE A CHA CHA CHA AND MY ANXIETIES HAVE NO GRIP ON ME NO MORE

The act is BRILLIANT. The ballroom dancers with their creepy pearly-whites, the dorkopotamus choreography, the styling, the overwhelming sense of triumph once the key change hits... It's the same deal as Vesna and Loreen, just a handful of visual cues that visualize the song's themes (anxiety, rather than sisterhood or desolation) are easy to understand and don't further complicate matters. THIS is how it's done. This is how you Eurovision.

The magical ingredient that tied it all together was the man, the dad bod, the bolero himself - Käärijä. Talk about a personality so massive everything gravitated towards him. It's hard to put the extent of his likeability into words - he's just so disarmingly himself. The key here is that Käärijä doesn't see himself as anything special. To him, he's just "boy from Vantaa who likes queen Loreen". He's just self-aware enough to realize the effect he has on others, but not self-aware enough to understand what exactly endears him to so many people. So when Käärijä plays up for funsies, he magnifies all aspects of his personality which makes him... even more endearing. 😍

(it's the same magic dust that has people flock to Baby Lasagna this year, really.)

It's rare to have a contestant who managed to completely warp the meta around him to this extent. It's even more rare that the contestant in this position then loses the competition. I remember telling my friend André, who was behind on NF news, that Käärijä had won UMK, and he replied with an innocuous "great, I haven't been this excited for a contestant since Verka!". I think I realize in that moment, that was to be Käärijä's destiny. Verka was the Hot Favourite in their year, the breakout star of 2007 - and Verka placed second to a more competent entry (Molitva <3). It was in that moment that I knew that Käärijä's inevitable fate was to come second to Loreen.

And I feel like, we all knew deep down that was where we were headed. We all wanted Käärijä to win as much as we did, because we knew that he would not. He was blissfully cruising towards a loss, and that was too much of an injustice to accept it and not manifest a reality where he beats Sweden.

It even got to a point where some people are now retroactively trying push the notion Tattoo is better than Euphoria (that statement is more offensive than anything I've ever commited to print or speech, including the one time I called Lesley Roy frumpy on cam <3) and the best entry ever (excuse you?) largely because it beat Cha Cha Cha.

So if Käärijä is this great, then why the doubt? Why only fourth for the decade (for the moment)?

Well, it's same deal as Cornelia for me. The best live of Cha Cha Cha that we received was the first one, at UMK, and every other performance we've had since then was not as good. The one in Eurovision had terrible vocals and slightly less impressive staging compared to UMK. I know right? The ESC staging did MORE and yet accomplished LESS. They got rid of all the wrestling references? Where's the close-up at the end? The arena? THE LIFT?

Sure, these inaccuracies didn't detract from my personal enjoyment of Cha Cha Cha. They however did allow for Käärijä to fall behind far enough behind Loreen in the jury vote so that he could no longer catch up with her in the televote, like a death by a thousand paper cuts.

It was a great live, but it wasn't great enough to win. Eurovision Käärijä was not Käärijä at his best, while Vesna without question gave their best performance in the Grand Final. Hence my doubts.

However, I ultimately went with Käärijä anyway because he did something Vesna could not - he gave a concert in my city, and I attended. HE MADE ME LEAVE THE HOUSE AFTER DARK. And god, if you've not been to a Käârijä gig before, absolutely fucking go if you're able to - IT'S CRAZY IT'S PARTY is the perfect catchphrase for this hyperactive, sexually amorphous, adorkable gremlin.

He was his unadulterated self, slapping his belly only vaguely aware of his sex appeal, swooning over a group of Slovene attendees because they reminded him of The Love Of His Life Bojan Cveticanin, ripping one of his merch t-shirts in half and then wearing it as a jacket, airdiving a wayward balloon that floated its way on the stage. The music was also excellent. Exposed to to the FULL scope of Käärijäness, made all the good memories of the 2023 preshow flow back, how could I not rank him anywhere other than first? Maybe I will change my mind and rank Vesna first in a few years from now, but for now, let's savour him while he's still fresh in our minds.

REMINDER THAT THE 2024 ROSTER IS GREAT LARGELY THANKS TO KÄÄRIJÄ.

REMINDER THAT HE WOULD SO WIN ANY FUTURE EUROVISION IF HE WANTED TO:

(May I just name this as my fave song from the 2024 nf season MAY I????*)

He WAS 2023. He WAS Eurovision.

He may have lost the contest, but he has won life. (and paid his taxes.)

ALL RISE FOR THE BEST ACT OF 2023!

The RANKING (completed)

"Novo, Bolje" was my fave 2024 NF also-ran. Obv.

ADDENDUM: ABOUT ESC2024

Yeah, obviously i'm not going to do a pre-show ranking. With all the poison and controversy going on, it's just not the right time. I delayed this ranking specificially so that I wouldn't be temped to do the 2024 one later. (Unlike a certain broadcasting institution, I possess a modest amount of insight, foresight and self-awareness. 🙂 )

Hopefully, ESC 2024 goes down without too many incidents, and I'll able to start my post-show ranking the week after the Grand Final.

See you there, hopefully, if Eurovision isn't dead and buried by then! 💚

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Because Kinktober is also here...

Summary: Werewolf!Yami is in a rut right before the full moon, but it also makes him strangely emotional and want for affirmation, as well as gives rise to some feelings of jealousy Pairing: Werewolf!Yami x f!reader (at 1st person pov) Genre: Smut Length: ~2,0k Content tags: Werewolf!Yami (wolf ears, tail, canines and claws mentioned, but no full transformation), established relationship, Yami is jealous and kinda territorial (you're mine -thematic because he doesn't want to lose reader; does also says "you're mine"), rut with emotional sex, slight breeding kink, mentions of bodily fluids (cum), a little bit of nibbling/biting and claws lightly scraping, mention of knotting, clothes are ripped off, reader calls Yami a "good boy", romantic sex (?), Yami has a big one okay (so gotta take some time with adjusting), aftercare (I think that's all the content tags

Most people think that werewolves only turn during full moon, without it having any effect on the days around the precise day of the lunar phenomenon. But it does. One just doesn’t realize it until they start living with a werewolf.

And tomorrow… tomorrow would be the full moon.

I don’t have to look into the calendar to know.

Not because Yami has that look in his eyes as he paces around the room. His eyes are shifting around, and he struggles to stay still. Like he was a wolf in a cage. A cage of his own emotions and needs and lust…

So, as I return to the office, and sit by my desk, I can already here him behind me.

His steps are heavy, but careful. Deliberate, but hesitant. And his breathing, almost as if a growl, is low and heavy.

There’s something about it that makes me smirk to myself. Perhaps it’s the fact that when he’s in a rut, the drive, the desire, the yearn for me is so much stronger. It looks like… almost looks like, he’d be in pain if he couldn’t bury his nose into the crook of my neck and breathe in my scent, while pressing his body so close to me. Skin to skin, his scent all over me, to mark me, to make sure that everyone around knows that I am his and his alone.

That no one else can touch me like he can. Like he may.

Even now, I can feel his hands on my shoulders.

The way he places them there is slow and gentle, but the muscles around his palms, his fingers, are tense. They’re tense, but he doesn’t press down onto me. He just keeps them tense. But what I can feel, is the way his finger nails extend into claws. Not quite as large as they’ll be tomorrow, but claws nonetheless. Just over my clothes. The tips barely gracing my skin.

He presses his head against mine, and I can feel the transformation of his ears… into those of a wolf. Canines and a tail would soon follow with this half-transformation.

“Baby…” he whispers against my neck while nuzzling into the crook of it. “Please…” he breathes in with a savouring hum. “I need you...” he breathes in again, “now…”

I love the way he says that he needs me, because it doesn’t sound like he’d only need my body, because he doesn’t. He needs me. All of me. It’s the affection and affirmation that he seeks. The love, has mixed together with lust.

“Mhm,” I him while reaching behind me to sink my fingers into his hair, and I turn my head, so that I can whisper into his ears that get so, very, sensitive when he’s in a rut. “I need you too,” I whisper, I tell, I tease him. It’s a tease because of the way my breathing tickles his ears, and makes him let out a slow growl under his breath as the sensation travels from his ears along his spine, down… and down.. and … down…

His strong arms wrap around me. Muscles tense. The movement is swift, yet careful.

And I am on the bed. Pressed against sheets that smell like the both of us.

But it’s not enough for him, I know.

The way he tugs on my clothes is nearly desperate.

It must be difficult with the claw like nails, so I help him. He tugs and yanks the clothes, but I undo the buttons and buckles. But he’s not careful with his own clothes.

Those he has no qualms about. So he tears and rips, as well as tugs and yanks.

“Here,” he hands his shirt to me, because he wants me to wear something of his, so that his scent would stay to linger on me.

In a way it’s really touching.

He is touching, even if he’s in a rut. Even if he has that gaze that now doesn’t shift away from me, even for a second, because he needs to see me. He needs to see that I’m alright and enjoying myself.

My smile brings him comfort, I know. And the laughs, the little giggles that leave me, make his tail wiggle.

I swear he’s just so adorable.

So, I do as he asks me, and I put his shirt on, but leave it pulled up, so that the tank top is gathered over my breasts as he lays me down.

“You’re doing so well… honey…” he praises me as his eyes look up and down at me, as if drinking in the sight that is under him, as he hovers over me.

He lowers down, and his lips latch onto my neck again, placing hungry, starving kisses on the tender flesh, as his canines ever so lightly scrape over it, making me shiver.

“So good,” he murmurs against my skin with a hushed tone as he presses his naked body against my, barely, naked body, clothed only with hit tank top, pulled all the way up over my breasts.

I wrap my arms around him, pressing my fingers into the skin of his muscular back, and feel all his muscles tense from anticipation.

He rubs his length against my thigh. His already hard, thick, long, cock that is oozing precum that coats my skin.

“I need to…” he mumbles, more to himself than to me.

He places his hand onto my hip, and shifts over me, as if trying to ease himself. His hand travels over my stomach, to my thigh… over my thigh, to my crotch. His claws scrape the sheets as he pressed the shaft of his finger against my clit and folds, rubbing them. Coating his digits with my juices.

“So good…” he mumbles again as his nose is still lodged into the crook of my neck.

I place my hand onto his cheek, and whisper into his ear “good boy…” making his tail wag again.

He growls.

His body grows warmer. Warmer. Almost hot.

“Can I..?” He asks through heavy, needy breaths.

“Yes,” I tell him as I smile.

And as soon as I do, he props himself up, lining his cock with my entrance.

His eyes are locked onto the tip of his cock, as he starts pushing in.

Just the tip first. Just the tip, but it’s enough to push my walls apart.

“You’re taking me so well…” he praises again.

“More…” I utter.

And he does… he pushes in more, growling under his breath as he does. In such a agonizingly slow pace, pushing my walls apart even further. I can feel every groove, every vein on his throbbing length as he keeps pushing, twitching inside of me.

“So well…” he whispers.

“So good…” I half moan, half whisper.

The tip reaches its destination, and he’s buried in me as deep as he can. But he doesn’t move, not yet.

“You ready for me baby?” He asks, as if he wasn’t in me already. But with him there’s a difference between him being in there, and me being ready for him to move.

“Gimme a minute,” I breathe as I try to adjust to him.

He leans forward, slowly and carefully while supporting himself with his arms. His head is next to mine, over mine, forehead against mine.

I trace my finger over his ear and feel him twitching inside of me.

He breathes in, and a low, baritone hum leaves him. Softer than a growl, but something that is aching to it.

“You can move,” I tell him, while fiddling with the tip of his ear.

And he does.

Slowly. And carefully.

Making sure that he’s stretching me up as he does, while letting out a small grunt every time he pushes in, as if struggling to restrain himself, not give in to lust and need and want and-, his emotions.

“That’s good,” I praise him with a smile on my face.

And he looks at me. His eyes never leave me. Because it’s important to him to see that I am enjoying what he does. That he hears me tell him that I like what he does.

“A little harder…” I breathe while closing my eyes, focusing on the sensation.

And he does. A little faster. Heavier. Skin slaps against skin as he repositions himself just a bit.

His breathing grow more ragged, heavier, even heavier with each thrusts, just as his pace.

A little faster.

Every time I gasp and moan, he dares to go a little deeper, little harder.

Until I scream out his name, and he pushes forward with his hips, practically doubling me under him, and begins to pound into me with an animalistic drive.

My walls clench around him. His thick, oozing cock as he just pounds into me while breathing next to my ear.

“Look at you taking me so well,” he praises again.

“So-, gooood!” I encourage him.

He tenses over me. Eyes still glancing to me even if his head is next to mine.

His hand takes a hold of my hip, fingers digging into my skin, with his claws barely managing to keep off and occasionally gracing my skin without breaking it.

The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the air, as he continues to pound into me.

Hard. Fast, and I can’t-, think as he’ss…

Drool runs down the side of my face.

He growls next to my ear.

His cock twitches inside of me.

And I throw my head back while biting my molars.

My walls clench even tighter, as if trying to suck him in, keep him there and just-

A wave of warmth washes over me as my eyes roll back and a wide smile finds its home on my lips.

But his throbbing cock bulges as it forms a knot, lodging itself inside of me.

“I’m going to fill you up real good…” he murmurs with that low tone of his right next to my ear, sending vibrations down my spine. “Mine…” he utters, because he can’t bear the idea of someone else gazing upon me like he does.

“Mine…” he repeats as he continues to place tender kisses onto my neck, while running his tongue over the tender spots.

“Yours…” I smile with faint amusement while running my hand up and down his back. “And you’re mine,” I tell him while playing with his ear with my other hand.

His tail wags again and his arm wraps around me the best it can as he pulls out.

I can feel some of his cum spilling out, but I don’t mind.

He keeps a hold of me as he rolls onto his side, next to me and pulls me close. His heart is pounding in his chest, and his ears are to me, attentive but relaxed. And he takes a deep breath, breathing in my scent as much as he can.

“Tell me…” he utters with barely a whisper, because he almost doesn’t want to say it. But he wants to hear it more than he doesn’t want to ask for it.

“I love you,” I tell him. “You’re gentle and kind… and I love you,” the affirmation he wants to hear, because it’s also this time of the lunar cycle when his insecurities of not being good enough are the strongest.

He wants to be his best self for both himself and myself, but he fears that a day will come when his best won’t be good enough for me. He fears it, because he doesn’t want to lose me. He wants me to want him, and be his.

He wants me to want him.

Which I do, I do, I do.

I do want him.

Which is why I bury my face into the crook of his neck and breathe in his scent.

“I love you,” I tell him again before placing a kiss onto his skin.

His hold of me grows stronger, sturdier… More secure. But his breathing grows more relaxed and it seems, in a strange way, how his being relaxes.

There is comfort in my affirmations to him, which makes both of us smile.

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Ok y'all it's time to join the party (very late) on my latest deep obsession, which THIS TIME I am going to allow myself to pursue instead of killing the joy (because of how intense it can get) and share with you!!

And that obsession is Epic: The Musical.

Holy smokes man this thing has remolded my brain, it just somehow hits all of those things which I desperately love in media

Firstly. The music is absolutely exquisite. And not even in the ways you'd normally think! Like--there's such wonderfully detailed soundscaping! The musical follows Odysseus on his journey home, and the songs themselves contain beautifully done effects that basically make the listening experience into a movie in your head. Monsters, crashing oceans, the underworld itself--and not only is this included in non-muscial sound design, it's incorporated into the music itself. The realm of the wind gods uses flutes as the main instrument--because it's a WIND instrument I'm losing my mind

PLUS there's the additional elements of musical "Easter eggs," thematic connections, leitmotifs, instrumentation identification, musical callbacks and even foreshadowing like come ONNNNN it's so well done

All of this with the added bonus that the songs, while cohesive, do not all sound the same, and do not feel like normal musical theater songs. They are the perfect mix between modern music, orchestral arrangements, and a musical theater jam, because they are 1. SUPER great to belt along to, 2. Very much linked together (as explained above) and 3. Very unlike the standard, vocal-focused empty pop sound we're used to (theater) while keeping the innovative, ear-wormy, modern (pop) beat that often feels out of place in theater!

And lyrically this musical is super strong. I spent a ton more time on the music (and will likely write more at length later) because that is what got me obsessed with it, but there's also much to praise lyrically! Unlike most modern "non-theater" musicals, while you can tell at places that it has been influenced by (the ever-present) Lin-Manuel Miranda, it feels authentically unique and independent. So many songs have genuinely profound lines (check out Just a Man, the second song in the saga) and the pop elements never lend themselves to empty repetition. Everything sung or said has a purpose, which I am obsessed with. Yes king go off give us everything

Finally (for now) there's just the genuine love that the creator(s) have for this musical. Jay Rivera-Herrans is the brain behind it (he wrote the entire musical over several years) and like...just look at what he shares about it on his Instagram. He gets so EXCITED!! And not like PR excitement, this is like legit "I'm making silly noises because I can't contain myself" excitement!!! He reminds me of me in that sense because he has SO much love and passion for what he does and the nuance in it and the people who enjoy his work, and he shares that in an unfiltered, real, authentic way, and we need to see more of that in the world.

Anyway, if you haven't heard of it and are now interested, it's pretty easy to catch up--there are 5 of the 9 sagas out right now, but only half of the songs, and Spotify has a playlist or two that has them all in order. It's only an hour and eight minutes worth of listening and I have just listened to it through twice in two days; it really does not get old. And then if you go to Jay's Instagram the rabbit hole is deep!! And he explains a lot of the lore and symbolism and intentionality/Easter eggs in the musical!! I went through all of the content he posted, pretty much...

So there's my official hawking of Epic (if only I had gotten in on this earlier!! The "Get in the Water" song that was trending a while ago?? That's from this!!) and you should go listen to it!!!!

[tobiasdrake]

That's everyone. Time to check out the Favor Tree, then we're on to the Clocktower meetup.

So how's this work? Do I just tell the tree what I want? Do I yank off a leaf and then write my request on it?

I dunno. Given that the rules are lax enough that a Favor Tree is as simple as "the biggest tree nearby" I think there's probably some leeway here. There may not be any particular rules for how we're supposed to pray to it.

Then again, that is the kind of logic that leads to the Bystander Effect. If everybody thinks like that and then nobody wishes for Vaugarde's salvation, that's a whoopsy-doodle. So it's better to inconvenience myself, at the risk of redundancy, for the sake of locking in aid for people in crisis.

Of course, it's not impossible to have your cake and eat it when it comes to wish-granting. All of these potential wishes are things that my team wants to do once the King has been defeated. Granting a wish for these things necessarily requires that Vaugarde be saved.

Therefore, I can wish for something for myself that nonetheless adds the strength of my wish to whatever existing pool of wishes towards Vaugarde's salvation already exists! This is what we call "gaming the system".

And while I wish the best for everyone, there is one person whose desires matter more than anybody else's.

Odile, Maribelle, and Isabeau all have dreams and ambitions for the future. That's great. I'm happy for them. But Bonnie doesn't. Bonnie has trauma. If I'm going to spend a wish on anyone, it's going to be for Bonnie to be healed.

If only one of us can have what they want, it should be them. A lost child's wish to save their family is worth more than gold.

Okay PARTY TIME

Alright y'all, come clean. Who ripped the bread in half and just left it on the table like that?

Or. Wait. Is that the bread, of "breaking bread"? Did we literally break bread? And then not eat it?

Are... are you supposed to eat it? Is it rude to break the bread and then not eat it? Or is it sacrilegious to eat broken bread? I feel like the bread's just going to waste if you don't eat it. But maybe it's a holy gesture? Maybe the act of letting the bread go stale... symbolizes its Change from a state of freshness to a state of badness.

Or maybe one of us here is just a dipshit who doesn't understand the phrase. Looking at you, Isa. On the "Risk of Dipshit" Scale, you're Suspect #2.

Suspect #1 is me but I'm, like, 65% sure I didn't do it.

You made the entire feast all by yourself? I am simultaneously very impressed with you and also tremendously disappointed in the rest of us. Four grown-ass adults and not one of us pitched in to assist the child in the kitchen. I am ashamed of every single one of us.

SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH SPEECH

Uh. No. Appreciate the sentiment but you're wrong. I don't know if you have Pocket Notes on the stakes of this thing but "Everyone dies tomorrow" isn't something people get to opt out of.

I know you don't want to think of membership in this crew as compulsory but... it kind of is. Our options are "Roll the dice tomorrow" or "Find a nice place to die". The latter of which is something most of the town is actively preparing for.

People are capable of tremendous acts of selfless courage when they have no hope of survival. With that in mind, I intend to be very brave tomorrow. There's only one place to do that.

You know, I'm used to rousing campfire speeches having a lot more swearing, raging narcissism, and thematically inappropriate criminality. But this is nice too. All-a y'all are swell. I'm happy to be a part of this.

My dude, I was wide awake. I slept all day today. I was just trying to be politely still so everyone else can sleep, while quietly going over Rock Paper Scissors strategies in my head.

The trick is to not throw the wrong symbol. But to make them think you're going to throw the wrong symbol, so they play into your hands when you throw the right symbol. *sage wisdom*

I love you too, man. Still making sense of things too much to decide if that's romantic or platonic but one way or another we're tight.

Mm. Pillow beats Rock. Good to know. See, that is why I've been silently reviewing Rock Paper Scissors strategies.

Good night, Isa. We'll continue this talk on the day after tomorrow, so long as it comes to pass.

[leliwardens]

god okay i'm more normal now so i'm gonna ramble proper about leliana's deleted dialogue. i don't know if it's new to the fandom but it's new to ME

thoughts under the cut bc it got long. it's all over the place but i have so many feelings.

the biggest part to me is the entirely cut content with leliana and her knife she received from justinia when she was in the dungeon. this really sucks because based on the dialogue seen, it would of been so thematically perfect for her arc and made her personal quest better than just "find box". having to give up the knife "frees" her, just as receiving it did, and both of these were done by justinia. a bookend!

Leliana: Justinia gave me this the first time we met. It is a bard’s blade: Small, easily concealed, delicate, but deadly. Now she wants me to lock it away. Forever.

how she feels it about it tho is varied by if she's enlightened or steeled, with the steeled one specifically sticking out to me (and being so painful):

PC: The knife that fit in the box… Why does it mean so much to both you and Justinia? Leliana: When Justinia and I first met, I was locked in a dungeon cell. Justinia—she was Dorothea, then—gave me the knife and told me to free myself. I’ve kept it with me ever since. I suppose I’m carrying the debt I owe. Leliana: And now that debt is repaid and forgotten. Leliana: That knife saved my skin countless times, and it’s such a pretty thing.

my god there's so much here. leliana is very sentimental, with both gifts and memories, and specifically with her knife before this point. i mean, she literally has kept it for over a decade. but now being influenced towards that more ruthless part of her, it's a symbol of a "debt" owed, and now repaid. nothing more. (also drawing contrast to an earlier line she has in another dialogue tree).

17 - Investigate: How did you meet? PC: How did you and Justinia meet? Leliana: I met her a long time ago, before she became Divine, before she was Justinia. When I met her, she was Mother Dorothea. I was at my lowest: broken, lost. And she saved me. No, no, wait. (Laughs.) She hates it when I say that. I saved myself. She just showed me it was possible.

and of course i have to highlight "pretty thing" because it sucker punched me in the chest. the knife was nothing more than a pretty thing, useful but easily discarded when no longer needed. just like marjolaine's "pretty thing". she came full circle despite her fear of becoming marjolaine, slipping into someone, or something just like her. and here it is. christ. i want to eat glass.

for her enlightened reaction, it's similar to the one in-game but this also leads to a different but just as interesting piece of cut content.

PC: So does putting the knife in the box make you feel any different? Leliana: It is more complicated than that. Leliana: The box is a reminder to stay true to who I really am, before spymaster, Left Hand, or bard.

and this route leads to more about sister natalie. and it's another sucker punch to the chest. (i assume the two lines are steeled and enlightened respectively.)

PC: Tell me about Natalie. Leliana: She was a sister from the Grand Cathedral, one of Justinia’s most trusted. I always liked her. She reminded me of… myself. Leliana: I suppose an honest face will get you far in the Game, no? [steeled?] Leliana: Perhaps one day we could be friends again. What do you think? [enlightened?]

first admitting she reminded her of herself, which can very well be it's own post despite the small amount of screentime she gets. but i wanted to focus on the "we could be friends again" part. despite betrayal being a core part of...well everything about herself, a literal fundamental building block of her character, she even has this line about marjolaine, showing even now she is deeply affected still:

PC: Why do you say you were “broken”? Leliana: I was used and betrayed by someone dear to me. I was beaten an imprisoned, but flesh heals. It was the memory of the betrayal that nearly defeated me.

despite DESPITE this. she still has a hope, even small, they could be friends again. if she kills her, she said she called her sister once:

Leliana: And my poor, dear Natalie. I called her sister once, but I couldn’t risk leaving her alive. Don’t tell me to let it all go after all I’ve sacrificed to get here.

and she even knew of leliana's vision:

Natalie: “A barren branch.” Could that have something to do with your story about the rose, Leliana? Leliana: Ah, that must be it!

so, it must of been a good friendship, but even if it wasn't as deep, she herself says she has so few true friends left. and maybe that's enough to try to keep the ones who are still alive:

11 - General: I’m glad you care for Josephine. PC: Whatever happens, I’m glad to see Josephine has a concerned friend here. Leliana: (Sighs.) I have so few true friends these days. Those that are left I… deeply cherish.

and maybe, learning to forgive:

I think it’s likely. PC: I think you will be friends again. Friends forgive. Leliana: Let’s hope so.

this is literally undoing me at the seams, and i did want to point out one final bit of cut content (or well the last one i want to ramble about i could go on about literally every single line if i wanted) about justinia herself:

Who was Justinia, really? PC: A posthumous mission? Hidden messages? Justinia was more than just a cleric, wasn’t she. Leliana: Like many, Justina had a past. Even I know very little about it. She enjoyed keeping the mystery alive, I think. Some believe she was a bard in service of Dowager Marquise Mantillon. She may even have been the famed Lady of the Crimson Mantle. The Lady’s appearance at court often preceded someone’s political ruin. She was like a bad omen. And no one saw her face. She always wore a veil, they say. I don’t know if she was really Justinia. I suppose I’ll never know.

and it's a shame, like all this other cut content, it's not in the game. we learn little about justinia herself in the main series, and while it's not telling us a lot it does tell us even from leliana she kept secrets (parallel to marjolaine maybe.........).

the mantillon is an interesting mention because there's two, one in dai and the other one in tme. there's no real indication which it could be, but given the prominence of mantillon from tme and justinia and leliana's roles in the novel, i'd guess it was her. maybe it was to be in the novel more but it was cut from there too. also the "lady of the crimson mantle" brings up nothing on the wiki, so maybe some scrapped content or it's not on there or maybe a reference i'm missing.

either way, tragic leliana is left to speculate about her past, when...well justinia knew hers. their relationship makes me so unwell.

and i think i'll stop here but rest assured i was breaking down as i was breaking down the text. i love leliana so much and i'm grabbing all of this and shoving it into my own canon.

[katsigian]

── ⋆˖⁺‧♡ ⁺ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴɴᴀɪʀᴇ + 5 ꜱᴏɴɢꜱ ᴛᴀɢ ɢᴀᴍᴇ ⁺ ♡‧⁺˖⋆⁺──

I was tagged to do this fun little tag game by @simonxriley thank you! ♡♡♡

5 Songs: I'm pulling them from Valen's character playlist!

1. Vois Sur Ton Chemin - BENNETT (potential theme song for Valen hehe)

2. Babydoll - Ari Abdul (specifically a shippy song for him and his baby 🌚)

3. I Can't Do This - SILZNT (this one isn't so much about his character, rather it's a thematic background song for when he's up to bad things)

4. The World Ender - Lord Huron (one of Valen's actual theme songs)

5. Unholy - Lillith Czar (just another sexy Valen song for when he's doing bad things. Again)

Questions:

1. Three ships you like: I'll list some ships that aren't mine - Lan Wanji × Wei Wuxian (MDZS), Shepard × Tali (ME), Neuvilette × Wriothesley (Genshin) > I see them all over Insta and I have gotten very invested even though I don't play that game ghdshs

2. First ship ever: I'm calling myself all of the way out with this one 🌚 my first ship ever was Yuki × Kaname from Vampire Knight MDHFMFGSMS and when I tell you that I am deceased on the ground right now, I am so serious. I urge you to look up Kaname and then look at Valen. I swear that the similarities weren't intentional and I didn't even realize them until I got asked this question 😭🫠

3. Last song you heard: Haters by Zodivk

4. Favourite childhood book: I can't remember with 100% certainty, but I'm pretty sure it was a fantasy book like Eragon

5. Currently reading: I have yet to finish Dark Places by Gillian Flynn, so I'll say I'm currently reading RP writing bits from my two writing partners

6. Currently watching: a rewatch of The Killing

7. Currently craving: I would be willing to die for a poutine right now. There's this one I used to get from a pub near my old house that had Montréal smoked steak and jalapeños and I haven't had it in months now 😩

Taglist ♡ if you'd like to opt in/opt out, please feel free! As always, there's no pressure to do these if you'd rather not. And if you've been tagged already/have done this already, then feel free to ignore! 🖤

@rindemption @noirapocalypto @westealtoys @quickhacked @cloudofbutterflies92 @opaleyedprince @mercymaker @nightbloodbix @sunites @vvanessaives @skelior @peaches-n-screem @spicyraeman @feykiller @florbelles @aceghosts @riikugan @devilbrakers @dani-the-goblin @elvenbeard @dickytwister @cybersteal @hibernationsuit @hiddenbeks @jerichoes @aggravateddurian @hummingbirdsage @archonfurina @vanoefucks @seluned @gothimp @onehornedbeast @carlosoliveiraa @baldurians @thefrostyshepard @balverine2077 @magicmissiled @ancunine @ronqueesha @wormskul @vivanightcity @cyberholic77 @lilacmox @strafethesesinners @vincentmatthews @jaydenborn @sh00kspeared @crookedvultures @saintemarvel

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[chibrary]

ARTICLE: Charles Leclerc: "Ho imparato anche a dire le parolacce" (2020)

source: alessandra retico for repubblica.it translation: lovingleclerc2 on twitter series: f1, 2020

Might your arrival in Maranello negatively influenced Vettel’s performances?

I don't think so, on the contrary I think he was pushed even more to show what his true value is, although we all already know that he's a great driver.

Do you have any advice to give him?

I would never allow myself to, he has done much more than me in this sport and he deserves respect.

But between you, there were contrasts and sparks on track.

Yes, but our relationship has always been very good. Maybe at first it was a bit strange because of my 'fault': I was next to a 4-time world champion. It intimidated me, it made me anxious. He is so renowned while I still haven't proved anything. But over time we have sympathized. There's always been a great respect even in difficult times like in Brazil last year or in Styria this year. But once off track we always made it clear and we went on with serenity.

Are you serene about the future?

I'm extremely motivated, happy to get the most out of a difficult situation like this. It won’t be a quick recovery for Ferrari but my job is also to try to push everyone to make sure that this difficult period is as short as possible. Mentally I am as focused as ever and although I would like to fight for higher positions, I know that I‘m doing a good job and that the team is happy with me. Of course, being happy with a 5th or 6th place is not really what I want, I will never want that, but it satisfies me to progress to be as ready as possible when the time comes, for me and for Ferrari.

When will the time come?

As for performance, it'll be difficult to make a miracle with the 2021 car. In 2022, there'll be big changes and from then on we’ll have many years with the same concept of cars. We must start that phase competitive and with enthusiasm.

What can you promise to fans realistically?

To give my best, to give a show, this I can promise.

Meanwhile your popularity is growing.

For me, it has always been very important to stay the closest to the people who follow me on social media, on TV, or on track. Now that it’s more difficult without an audience, I want to maintain this closeness. The contact, virtual or physical, being accessible to others, for me is essential. And I’ll tell you more: next year I’m going to expand my social networks, which now are very thematized on my professional life, with content about me behind the scenes, out of track, in my private, to let people see who I am and what I do between one race and the other. I want to tell of myself as a person more.

Who is the private Charles Leclerc?

A normal guy, who enjoys the time he spends with his friends and family. Although since I’m in Ferrari a lot has changed: not like I did bad things before, but now I also have to give a good image of myself outside the car. Just saying, if I eat at the table I have to be careful how I’m doing it.

Your strong and your weak point?

: "I am strong in self-analysis: I'm very sincere with myself and this makes me grow a lot. My weak point is being sometimes too harsh in judging myself. Before, I was very upset about making mistakes that I still make out of inexperience or too much desire. But being demoralized is useless, the past cannot be changed. Making mistakes made me more mature, mentally very strong.

Ferrari will be without a world champion. Did they choose well with Carlos Sainz?

I don't know why they took him rather than another, but Carlos is very strong and consistent. Last year towards the end of the season he used to ask me if there was a free seat in the Red car, I replied that I didn't know, but he already had stars in the eyes.

What do you like the most and the least about Italy?

I like the simplicity, besides food of course. One flaw? I hear the bad words from the mechanics and I got into the habit of saying a lot of them too, I say more in Italian than in French.

Will your brother, now in the FDA, get to Maranello?

It’s soon, but he deserves it. He didn’t have my chances, we started together but then didn’t have enough money to continue both, my father gave the priority to me as I am older, Arthur had to stop and started again since I’ve got into F1, my uncle and I help him. He's talented, we are similar in personality. He will find his way.

Today Mick Schumacher makes his debut with Alfa Romeo in free practice. How much does it matter to be the son of Michael?

The Schumacher name is powerful in F1 and not only, but Mick is here for his talent and not for his name. It’s going to be tough here with this cold weather, for him and for everyone, we look like skiers. What about us? Some aerodynamic update, but we’ll struggle with tyres.

Do you envy anything to Hamilton or Verstappen?

I'm happy with who I am, I don't look at others, in F1 you have to be the best & I try to be the best version of myself. When we have Ferrari in front I hope I’ll be able to show what this team's worth.

[rinshiroufan]

An Analysis of Two Different (Yet Complementary) Endings: UBW in the VN and the Anime; and What They Mean

So I recently finished my re-watch of Ufotable’s unjustly maligned 2014-15 adaptation of Fate/stay night’s Unlimited Blade Works route; I thoroughly enjoyed myself, which wasn’t shocking at all—Rin/Shirou is only my favourite fictional relationship (not just romantic, but any kind of relationship). It did however induce to more thoroughly and exhaustively compare the anime original conclusion to the two’s story with the original ending as presented in the VN, if only because I suspect that a careful reading of the nuances of the characterization of both will yield some very fruitful results. It might seem a bit paradoxical at first, but I’ve come to find these two scenes while seen incredibly fondly by most Shirin shippers are in fact quite underappreciated—because there’s just so brilliant and intricate in the subtle ways in which they manage to weave in so much depth and substance into exceedingly simple and seemingly plain plot developments. They are insanely thematically rich, and people often are left far too dazzled and enchanted by the magic of the superficial writing that they miss the genius hidden beneath the surface.

We’ll start off with the comparatively simpler part of the analysis: the original conclusion to Rin and Shirou’s story.

The Ending in the VN

For the purposes of this analysis, I will be skipping all of the epilogue sans the final classroom scene; the reasoning is quite straightforward and should be readily obvious—most of what is of relevance to this analysis is basically confined solely to Rin and Shirou’s final conversation. This disclaimer might appear to be superfluous to some, but I decided to include solely due to my recognizing an asymmetry in the structure that I chose to employ herein—because the section posterior to this one will have to deal with comprehensively picking apart the entirety of episode 25 of the anime. There was a distinct possibility some readers might find the decision somewhat puzzling, so I think it would be no great harm to tell people what precisely they are getting into, though I consider the content itself will be perfectly sufficient in providing people with an understanding of the thought process behind it. So without further ado, let’s finally begin.

The crux of the conversation between Rin and Shirou that caps off UBW is her invitation to him to tag along with her to London as she goes to continue her training in becoming a proper magus—and Shirou’s reaction to her doing so. I will now post all of Shirou’s key internal monologues relating to the matter during his initial contemplation of the matter, omitting all of Rin’s elaborative comment interspersed throughout Shirou’s thoughts for comedic effect, in order to allow us to better understand what precisely the story is trying to communicate here.

She speaks casually, but I'm sure it's an amazing thing. …But London, huh? …That's certainly too far away. My father wasn't in the Magic Association. I'm just like him, and I don't like formal stuff.

[...]

…But I might be able to move there. I can start working more, study English, save up traveling and living expenses, and find a job over there…

[...]

No, no, let's say I am able to rent an apartment there. I don't know what kind of a place the Clock Tower is, but I'm sure Tohsaka will get even busier. …Then it should be better for me to go there after I become a proper magus by myself. Yeah, that sounds good. First of all, London isn't suited for me. I bet I'll faint if I go there and if it's filled with people like Kotomine———

It is at this point that Rin finally notices Shirou has wandered off in his thoughts and thus not paying attention to her—subsequently presenting what amounts to an ultimatum to him. But before we go into that, let us more carefully and studiously parse what we have been presented with here: a dialectic. A dialectic meant to represent Shirou’s inner conflict—an exceedingly minor and trifling conflict, no doubt!—between his ideological aversion and distaste for formal magecraft and the sorts of individuals drawn to it, and his curious desire to nonetheless follow Rin wherever she goes. For literary effect, the text chooses not to immediately explicitly reveal what might be behind this willingness to nonetheless move to London despite his misgiving, but anyone who has been paying even the tiniest bit of attention can easily deduce what might be the cause. Nevertheless, the story firmly establishes a key piece of information going forward—Shirou is not fond of the Mage’s Association. He would certainly not choose to associate himself with them of his own volition.

But now that we have the set-up, we are almost immediately greeted with the pay-off—the previously posted CG of Rin’s brilliant visage in an adorable hunched over position and adorned with a radiant, loving smile, accompanied by the following text: 

"So, what will you do, Shirou?" She asks me gently, with eyes that see through me. "——————" My face turns red. Her words and expression blow away my humility and my dislike of the Magic Association. …This is what I mean by Tohsaka holding my weakness. I can't help it if I fell in love with her.

“Oh, why go silent now? I haven’t heard your answer yet.“

She keeps smiling mischievously. She knows what my answer is, but she's mercilessly attacking me. "Uh… I, um…" To be honest, London is too far away, but I can't imagine myself being taught by anyone other than Tohsaka. And I never even thought about parting with her. Most of all, I want to be with Tohsaka. "Be clear, this is important. Will you still come with me, even if it's as my assistant?" She looks up into my eyes. She looks so attractive that I feel like my heart will pop out of my mouth. "S-Shut up, you idiot…! You idiot, idiot, idiot! I-I-If it's so important, tell me about it in a more appropriate place! I can't answer you when it's so sudden…!!!"

I don’t know what’ll happen to me if I keep staring at her, so I look away. ...I still feel Tohsaka’s presence.

She’s happily watching my reaction.

"Hey, Shirou. What's your answer?" She murmurs gently. ………She's got me beat. Is it this hard to nod and reply honestly? "………" But I can't turn around unless I say it to her.

"……You idiot. Don't ask me such an obvious question." I meet Tohsaka's gaze and tell her my honest opinion. Her smile broadens at those words.

“And I never even thought about parting with her. Most of all, I want to be with Tohsaka.” That’s the key portion here. The internal tug of war between Shirou’s deep-seated hatred for the common amoral magi and the stifling environment of Clock Tower on the one hand, and his unbridled love for and admiration of Rin is decisively and unquestionably resolved in Rin’s favour. It was barely even a contest. Returning to previously discussed dialectic, it is noteworthy how Shirou considers moving to London at a later time than Rin so that he wouldn’t represent a burden for a Rin less likely to be able to spend precious time with him. Hell—the guy already starts making plans about how he’s going to move there without her even inviting him or expressing that she wants him to go with her! He’s so lovestruck that the mere mention of her moving to London has his immediately making preparations so that he can be with her. It’s odd to think that Shirou could possibly find some way to work more than he already does, but that’s not stopping him. Shirou’s internal back and forth weighing his options, contrasting his reservations towards moving to London with his obvious preparedness to go there for Rin’s sake, is presented as barely even really being a proper conflict; the outcome was determined from the very start. There was simply no other way this could have been resolved—Shirou wants to be with his Tohsaka.

But why is this the conclusion to UBW? Why precisely was it so important to finish the route like this, with this particular scenario, with this particular character dynamic? It might seem like this is just the logical conclusion to how the story should be: it’s hardly in-character for Rin, someone who is portrayed as someone who loves magecraft and finds it fun, to not eventually go to Clock Tower, given that one of the themes of the route is her and Shirou’s learning to walk their chosen path out of their own love for it and on their own terms; it also helps reaffirm Shirou’s love for her. But how exactly does this help cap off Shirou’s character arc? How does this serve as a fitting conclusion to his character arc taken in its entirety, including his conflict with Archer? The essential element here is Shirou’s invocation of Kiritsugu, prefacing the rest of his comments elaborating on his opposition to the Association; Shirou’s refusal to move to London is symbolically associated with his ideal. The core question of UBW of course is “Will or will not Shirou become just like Archer?” He is after all walking on the same path, headed to the same direction. What makes him so different? This scene is meant to answer that: his love for Rin. The entire scenario is a microcosm of Rin and Shirou’s relationship, showing why he won’t become Archer: he loves Rin more than he wants to pursue his ideal. Of course Shirou wants to become a superhero—but he wants to be with Rin even more.  Shirou will always treasure the precious time he spends with Rin far more than he does his adventuring. Whatever corner of the world he may be in, whatever conflict is afoot, no matter how faraway he may be—he will always find his way back home, the place where he truly belongs: with Rin. The girl who loves him, and whom he loves back.

And I really cannot think of a more fitting poem to end that scene than...

The Ending in the Anime

In episode 25 of the 2014 UBW TV anime adaptation by Ufotable, we finally get to see Rin and Shirou’s life together in London.

It makes for incredible fanservice, to say the least.

He’s giving her a headpat—SHE’S SLEEPING ON HIS SHOULDER!!! Thanks for humouring my pic dump; now, onto the analysis.

Within the confines of the anime, the classroom conversation between Rin and Shirou is quite heavily abridged, positioned very deliberately so that it may be carefully instrumentalized for the specific narrative purposes of the broader narrative of the London epilogue it is situated in. It is in short repurposed. We will have to return to the specifics of that later. For now, let’s begin analyzing how the narrative unfolds.

The epilogue has a three act structure, divided over three in-universe days. The first day acts as the set-up; the second day as the elaboration; and the final day provides us with the conclusion. Now, the first day is mostly fanservice, and this is not without reason: while it lays the foundation for Shirou’s inner conflict that we see unfold over the next two days, it is a mostly laidback story that simply invites us to enjoy Rin and Shirou’s nearly idyllic life in London. It’s a way to frontload almost all of the pure, unadulterated fanservice so as to allow for more narratively relevant elements to be positioned at the very end, which is precision-focused to delivering a fitting conclusion to Emiya Shirou’s arc—which isn’t to say that the latter portions of the story lack fanservice, or that the frontloaded fanservice has no purpose whatsoever; rather, the later fanservice simply has more thematic depth to it. The early fanservice meanwhile serves mostly to establish what Rin and Shirou’s life in London is like; it’s purpose is to establish what is at stake. Many have lamented that Ufotable cut a lot of the elements which were included in Nasu’s original script (most likely rejected due to the Ufotable animation staff’s qualms with having to do another exhausting 45 min episode), but ultimately it was for the better in my estimation; it resulted in far more focus. Instead of wasting time on the total mediocrity of a character that is Luvia, the existing story utilizes her wisely for a specific purpose—to establish just how much Rin has changed over the narrative. I mean, the girl went from freaking out at the suggestion she might be fond of a certain redhead to being so openly enamoured with him that’s she willing to throw down with other girls for flirting with him! The idealized portrayal of Shirou’s new idealized life with the girl he loves is interspersed with discussion of his receiving an invitation to join the Association—and the implications of that. The day ends with Shirou’s mentioning that his heart lies elsewhere; in his pursuit of the ideal.

The next day is fairly laidback as well, but also a bit more... contemplative. Rin and Shirou’s ruminations on the Holy Grail War and what they learned from it during their visit to Glastonbury aren’t exactly directly connected to the central conflict of the narrative, but they nevertheless help portray just how much more mature these characters have gotten, how much they have changed since the events of HGW. It’s important to have Rin portrayed in a much more serious light; after all, the beginning of the episode had her used as comedic relief. Yes, it’s a perfectly fine way to establish just how much Rin truly loves Shirou, but the conclusion to the episode ultimately relies on her being both loving and mature; she’s always been the more intelligent, level-headed and wise of the two, so it stands to reason that it would be quite prudent remind the audience of that as it becomes important once again. Once more, we are treated to a dialectic; the hopelessly in love Rin of the first day meets her antithesis in the wise, contemplative Rin of the second day, ultimately resulting in the synthesis we encounter in the final resolution to the narrative. Having Rin portrayed as being both more mature yet also more fun than Shirou also reinforces just how much more at ease she is at Clock Tower than he is.

On the ride back home, Shirou has a flashback. And we suddenly find ourselves back in Fuyuki, two years prior.

Cute.

Anyway, we return to our repurposed classroom scene.

What exactly is the goal of this scene? Shirou’s monologues, so crucial to the scene in the VN, are wholly excised. We can see Shirou’s blushing like crazy (I can’t blame him...), but we are otherwise left clueless as to his considerations whether or not to follow Rin to London. The thematic relevance of the scene in the VN is gone; no-one, going based solely on the anime, could possibly have realized that this particular scene was meant to be a microcosm of their relationship, showing my Shirou will not become Archer. If anything, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that the scene is just there to fill in the gaps about what happened in the immediate aftermath of the events of Fifth HGW and act as more Rin/Shirou fanservice. It’s the final episode, so why not just give your audience diabetes ten times over? Just look at it!

God, I’m really sorry if this many images bothers anyone—but I just can’t help it, it’s too cute and amazing.

But yeah... good fanservice. Doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything thematically relevant or important to the characterization our heroes receive, right?

Well...

This... is what the episode is all about.

Shirou doesn’t want to betray Rin.

“Thanks for bringing me with you.“ Shirou is profoundly grateful to Rin for giving him this wonderful opportunity to be with her and spend time with her. He is so very happy to be able to cherish his time with the girl that he loves... but he can’t stay at Clock Tower. Rin is the only reason that he is happy there. He feels uncomfortable with the subject of his future there, too afraid to openly and honestly express his feelings to Rin, because he doesn’t want to break her heart. For all that Shirou has matured, he is still just a young man trying to find his place in the world, confused and scared; scared that he might have to abandon the girl he loves so dearly—scared of what she might say. He doesn’t want to spit all over her effort and hard work, all that she has ever done for him; fundamentally, Shirou’s conflict in this episode is about Rin. It’s about his struggling with the difficulties of maintaining the relationship that he has built with her, and his fears that it might not last. His fears that Rin wouldn’t understand what he’s going through, and reject him for it. And that in doing so... his fate will as Archer will be sealed.

But that’s not what happens. When he is finally forced to explain himself to her, he is surprised to hear that she isn’t mad at all. No, she’s wholly supportive of him! Encouraging, even! In fact... she’s the one reassuring him. Earlier in the narrative, Rin was Shirou’s foil as the down to the earth realist to his wide-eyed, idealism. Rin was the one with the self-esteem issues; Shirou was the one who kept charging at the impossible without a doubt in his mind about his chances of success. The confession was all about Shirou’s providing Rin with the necessary support to get back up due to his holding her in a higher regard than she did herself; to Shirou, she was always the amazing, incredible girl who never quits despite all the things weighing on her back. And now, in a beautiful symmetry... it’s her, the girl who didn’t think she had it in her to strive for the impossible, giving encouragement to him, the boy who never did quit, who now has doubts about his future... to never quit. Because she believes in him, just like he believed in her.

People tend to grievously misunderstand what Rin says in this episode—it’s responsible for like 90% of the stupid takes on this episode and the future of the Rin/Shirou pair. She never claims that she will always follow Shirou around; she quite openly states that she eventually wishes to settle down at Clock Tower, because pursuing magecraft is fun, it’s her dream, and it makes her happy. She just doesn’t think that is necessarily incompatible with her being with Shirou. Just like Shirou had made a temporary sacrifice coming to London to spend time with her, so too will Rin now make a slight detour from her path to accomplishing her dream to support the most precious person in her life. It’s why I find it somewhat regrettable that Shirou’s monologues were removed from the classroom scene; it would have been nice to have it be readily apparent within the show itself without recourse to the VN that there’s a symmetry between Shirou’s going to London with Rin and Rin’s going on adventures with Shirou. I understand the omission, given the excellent execution, but it was nonetheless an imperfection solution; perhaps the only one there was. But I can still lament, can’t I?

Rin and Shirou’s relationship is going to face a lot of issues. It’s not going to be easy. A clash of wants is inevitable. But Rin is willing to make it work. She is going to make it work. For both of their sakes. The beauty of Rin and Shirou’s relationship is in its striving towards an ideal; it can never be perfect, but it still comes close to being so. Its imperfections make it more than perfect. Theirs is a relationship just like any other—filled with ups and downs. The proof of their love is not in the absence of problems, but in their having the patience, understanding and mutual respect to overcome them, together. Many people when praising the Shirin pair like to adduce its being the most “realistic” of the three VN relationships in its favour. I think such people are doing it a massive disservice by doing so. Shirin is wonderful because it’s a highly idealized version of a normal relationship. Just look at the episode! Their love story is a like a fairy tale! The entire story is about Rin and Shirou, partners in crime; just the two of them against the whole world. Falling love in the midst of a conflict filled with strange mystic mages and legendary heroes from the past. And yet... it feels so down to earth. It feels like something that could occur in your own neighbourhood. What makes me love it so much is this careful but amazing balance between reality and fantasy; it’s just the story of a boy and a girl falling in love... but it feels like a grand epic. Both of them are strange and downright weird people... yet they are also just two regular teenagers, doing regular teenage things. Two regular people, stuck in extraordinary circumstances where they don’t belong... and making the best of it. Together. And nothing exemplifies that more for me that this one final scene at the end of episode 25, perfectly encapsulating why they are so great.

Many people lament the absence of more physical affection between Rin and Shirou, in both the VN and the anime. I sympathize with such people; I myself wish we had gotten many more hugs, kisses and cuddling than we did. And yet... I feel as though in decrying what is not there, they fail to appreciate what was there. Because frankly, few things have made me as emotional as this one handshake.

[writingquestionsanswered]

What's your advice for someone interested in starting a memoir?

Writing a Memoir

I've never written one myself so I'm not the best person to ask. I can tell you that if I was going to write one, I would probably start by Googling "How to Write a Memoir" to get some general tips and guides to start out with. I would also probably sit down and do a little brain dump about everything that I want to include in the memoir... not just people, places, and events, but also memories, knowledge, and feelings. I would also try to see if I could find any thematic patterns that I could use to tie things together. Another thing I would do is read or listen to some memoirs that I felt would be in the same general ballpark of what I want to write. If I want to write a funny memoir, I'd read some funny memoirs, for example. And finally, I'd start to brainstorm specific moments, events, and anecdotes I'd want to include... a general structure, thematic threads I want to follow, and maybe how I want to begin and end it. Oh... and I would also think very hard about each individual story/event I want to include and how telling that story might impact not just myself, but others in my life or who were involved in that story/event. Am I airing someone else's dirty laundry? Am I revealing secrets or truths that aren't mine to reveal? Could I potentially harm someone's reputation or livelihood by putting this information out there? Could I end up losing friends, alienating family members, or even putting myself or someone else in danger? Is it enough to change people's names and identifying details? These are all things worth considering with a memoir, I think.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[banamine-bananime]

sometimes i pace around gremlin-like and think about grimmons and how the best things about them that make them such a thematically good pair are on a razor-thin border from being the worst things that could make them Super Not Good For Each Other because sometimes they get so up their own asses and are so mean to each other and know how to make it hurt.

Do you know what i mean??? do other people think about this as much as i do. anyways i'm not going to explain myself better than that incoherent run-on sentence because my thesis is this long-ass fanmix about them letting their demons win despite loving each other a lot and having to break up to ~*work on themselves*~.

this tracklist with notes is in order from them being kind-of-mostly-together but dealing with their own issues individually instead of together to looking like they're maybe growing and starting to deal healthily and going to work... but not enough to increasing frustration with the relationship to breaking up to starting to get over it. i declare that they figure their shit out on their own and get back together when they're in a healthier place but this playlist is just the angsty part. spotify link and my artistique creative vision below the cut.

Embarrassingly specific Grimmons breakup fanmix

Alien Blues - each @ the other, wanting Officially More Than Friendship but afraid to commit and fuck it up

Was it the best you ever had?/Was it the worst? You'd never know/I try to tell you what I think and play it off like it's a joke

Surface Pressure - Grif issues, flashback to teenhood edition

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa/Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop, whoa, oh, oh/Give it to your sister, it doesn't hurt, and/See if she can handle every family burden/Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks, no mistakes/But wait, if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations/Would that free some room up for joy or relaxation, or simple pleasure?

Oldest - Grif issues

But I hid you in my room/When mom and dad were fighting/Back when we were young/Wouldn't let you hear too much/Yeah, I'm good at that stuff/Maybe growing up too fast/Was the only choice I had

When I Grow Up - Grif issues (fantasizing about getting away from home, and before being crushed into apathy and disillusionment that Actually Everywhere Sucks Just As Much by the military)

When I grow up/Just because you find that life's not fair/It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it/If you always take it on the chin and wear it/Nothing will change

print(“i’m so tired”) - Grif issues

'Cause I'm so tired of being told that I can never want more/And I'm so tired of always fighting this mental war/When the cards are stacked against you, what can you really do?

this is how i learn to say no - Grif issues ("actually fuck everyone nothing matters and i can do what i want" realization era)

Fuck the apologies/Done being sorry for wanting the things that I want/I broke my back carrying baggage /For strangers who only ever did me wrong

I Wanna Be Software - Simmons issues

I wanna be, wanna be software/What will you find?/You can write me, you can design/You can make me however you like

Are You Satisfied - Simmons issues

My problem, it's my problem/That I never am happy/It's my problem, it's my problem/On how fast I will succeed/They say I'm a control freak/Driven by a greed to succeed

Grif issues

Cause it's my problem if I want to pack up and run away/It's my business if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway/It's my problem, it's my problem if I feel the need to hide/And it's my problem if I have no friends and feel I want to die

Rät - Simmons issues (wanting validation from and consequent idealization of all the wrong dads places but eventually starting to say Fuck That)

I come from scientists and atheists and White men who kill God/They make technology high quality complex physiological/Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good/They taught me everything/Just like a daddy should/And you were beautiful and vulnerable/And power and success/God damn I fell for you your flamethrowers/Your tunnels and your tech/I studied code because I wanted/To do something great like you/And the real tragedy is half of it was true

The Other Side of Paradise - Grif @ Simmons

I wish you could see the wicked truth/Caught up in a rush, it's killing you/Screaming at the sun, you blow into/Curled up in a grip when we were us/Fingers in a fist like you might run

this is how i learn to say no - Simmons (starting to deal with) issues (and grow a backbone)

Was it more appeasing when I was just pleasing?/This is how I learn to say no/Take your pretty words and go choke 

Cigarette Ahegao - Grif @ Simmons, semi-healthy attempt at dealing with issues and growth by talking about getting The Fuck Out of Here together

Someday, I'll leave the country/I hope to have you with me/Get wrecked on becherovka/Get fucked on smoke and wine/Someday, I'll have my own life/I'll leave this all behind

I Can’t Handle Change - their issues (shared by all of BGC tbh) getting in the way

Hangin' out where I don't belong is nothing new to me/I get tired, and I get sick, and then I lose the strength to leave/I can't handle change/I can't handle change

brutal - Simmons letting his issues get in the way

I'm so insecure, I think/That I'll die before I drink/And I'm so caught up in the news/Of who likes me, and who hates you

i need to be alone. - Grif letting his issues get in the way

I'm waiting for something to change/'Cause everyday just feels the same/It's getting harder to exist/I don't want to feel like this/I'm wasting my life on pointless things/I sometimes think/When does life begin

The Giver - each being a terrible boyfriend

He turns around when you're naked/Says "We should be friends" while you're changing/You nod, half-dressed, he says "It's for the best"

Problems - each @ the other while togetherish

Wonder why, when we both got problems/Why won't you help me solve them?/I love you, but you don't and this is how I cope

Daddy Issues - each @ the other for mistreating them instead of dealing with their own issues but 98% Grif @ Simmons because:

If you don't sort your daddy issues/I will up and leave you/And no one else will want you 

Between My Teeth - each @ the other pre-breakup

I’m too broken to fix you too/I admit it, I admit it/Oh! Please don’t lean on me/Cause I don’t want your heart between my teeth/I, I think I gotta leave

Sick of You - each @ the other during pre-breakup

I wish I never ever met you/Five years of mistakes I'll never undo/I'm not your medicine or your tool/Don't expect me to ever fix you, you, you, you/Every little thing always seems to be about you/Exercise your criticism then get mad when I'm through/You think your traumas don't affect a single person around you/I'm not your therapist or boyfriend, try and get the two confused

Miss You - each @ the other during breakup

I don't ever wanna see you/And I never wanna miss you again/One thing/When you're angry, you're a jerk/And then you treat me like I'm worth nothin

Oh No! - Simmons issues (and attempting to coach himself through the breakup with affirmations that he don’t need no friends)

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly/I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die/I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly/I'm gonna fail, gonna die, die, die, die

You’re So Vain - each @ the other, immediate post-breakup bitterness

You're so vain (you're so vain)/I bet you think this song is about you/Don't you don't you?

I Blocked Your Number - each @ the other trying to get over breakup and anger

Stop likin me on instagram/Stop textin me at 6 a.m./I blocked your number bitch

Hi, It’s Me - each @ themselves trying to get over breakup

When I'm with you I have amnesia, I'm weaker than before/My stupid brain thinks that I need you, I'm eager to hurt more

Feel Better - Grif’s post-breakup sads

Cause someone loved me, someone fuckin' loved me/All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew/Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something/And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food/I don't wanna feel better/No one's ever gonna love me like that again/I don't wanna get over you/I wanna sit with you in bed/I don't wanna feel better

Here - each, post-breakup sads

But honestly I'd rather be/Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen/To some music with the message (like we usually do)/And we'll discuss our big dreams/How we plan to take over the planet/Oh God, why am I here?

Hurt - each @ the other, post-breakup sads

I'm sorry if I hurt you/I'm sorry if it got that bad/I'm sorry I can't help you/Somebody should've had your back

Sweet Hibiscus Tea - each, post-breakup sads and Blood Gulch blues

You're already halfway out the door/And I've never looked so old/And I have never been so cold/And it is 85 degrees/I don't know what I need/There's lukewarm herbal mango sweet hibiscus tea/On the hot garbage pile in which I fucking sleep/The walls are empty it's so ugly I could/Burn the whole place down

Passive Aggressive - post-breakup bitterness

It took a week or two getting over you/But I love myself too much/To waste good years on bad love (waste good years on bad love)

Reflections - each @ the other, wishing the relationship had worked

I know you're sick/Hoping you fix whatever's broken/Ignorant bliss/And a few sips might be the potion/I tried to put it out for you to get/Could've, should've but you never did/Wish you wanted it a little bit/More but it's a chore for you to give

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

tell me what the video Basically, I’m Gay means to you?

It was way past midnight for me when the video dropped. The first thing I felt when I saw the title was, inexplicably, fear.

Or well, I can guess at where the fear came from. I've known what it's like being outed, I've felt that same kind of fear every time a family member brought up anything queer, that feeling of "oh god they know, do they know? what's going to happen now?" and I've never quite gotten over it. I knew it was a long time coming, but over the years it has become such an unspoken thing, the elephant in the living room, that my knee jerk reaction was to brace myself. I remember immediately getting up and getting into the washroom, locking the door, knowing that whatever it is gonna be I'm probably gonna want some privacy with it XD

And I did, I laughed and cried and remembered the best and the worst parts of being queer, but what I loved was, it didn't just feel like a confessional or an address or vlog. It was a proper essay, it was divided up so well and coherently, taking the biographical elements and basing thematic segments based on the issues that crop up at each stage in the journey. It is incredibly personal as such things often are... but it remains to me first and foremost beautifully academic.

Maybe that makes it boring or less impactful for some people. Personally, I was never one to watch personal accounts of oppression and call them "poignant". I've read and seen plenty, I offer all the strength to people who share them, I see the merits of it, but none of those accounts stick with me. What has stuck with me, over the years, what has genuinely moved me, is political and academic accounts of oppression. I feel more seen in them, I feel like they go to the crux of the issue, I feel empowered by them.

Yk why? Because if Dan had just talked about how he was bullied and his fears and insecurities, too many people could have easily looked away. Too many people can see those accountants say "well I'm not like that". When I read academic and politically charged accounts of oppression what stood out was the clarity. There's no obfuscation, there's no mystification, there's no 'oppressed' with vague faceless figures of bullies ('oppressors'), there's named methods of oppression, of validating those oppressive systems in the smallest ways that people are quick to ignore. Even now within queer circles we see so many people reinforcing oppressive systems, being casually misogynistic and racist and transmisogynistic and a number of things that they look away from because "I'm queer I can't be oppressing myself".

I understand personal accounts and I think they're great, but I do not like when these things are pinned on faceless bullies and a nebulous idea of "society". Who is "society"? No one knows. This is why it mattered so much to me that Basically I'm Gay wasn't just a story about overcoming struggles but also a systemic exploration of power systems and various facets of existing as a queer person in a queerphobic world. You can't look away from that. And the reason it sticks with me is precisely because of that, because the topic is given the political seriousness which it calls for.

Ik, we've watched Dan grow up before our eyes, ik this is deeply personal for so many people. But I much prefer when it's political honestly. I much prefer when it's academic. And I am much more moved emotionally by it because I find it a lot more empowering. I don't wanna talk about how oppressed we are without talking about how we are oppressed, by whom are we oppressed, how are these systems being kept in place. That's what BIG means to me, something that didn't shy away from making it political when it could have been left personal.

[kuiperror]

TELL ME ABOUT THE CHIPMUNKS LORE. pretty please.

1st thank you for indulging me (even tho i asked lol) 2nd.maybe dont open this unless you want to get blasted with useless information + unimportant yet dearly held opinions + offtopic addendums + true sincerity. i tried to hold back guys im sorry. hold onto your hats im getting fucking crazy in here

firstly ill summarize and say that my "version" of the story of aatc [1] is basically just an idealized version of the "lore" the 1960s version gave us (i say "lore" in quotations bc there was. none lol).

now a lot of my ideas concerning the "lore" of story are interconnected to my opinions about the actual application of aatc media in real life . for instance, the story is set, vaguely, around the late 1950s - early to mid 1960s, like the irl "run" of the original chipmunks records. i personally believe that, as a real media franchise, aatc really has no reason to exist within our modern world with the technology we have today [2] so aatc as a fictional story is affected similarly. along with that, when the story is played out in the context of 1960s america it creates a richer thematical experience as the themes are compounded and expanded on. [3] a lot of the themes that i consider Essencial to the story deal with acceptance of differences and familial love and questioning of ones own humanity and sense of belonging, both within oneself and within the family unit and within larger society, and conservative 1960s suburban america is just a rlly good backdrop to place all of that. so basically i believe in the Contextuality of 1960s aatc and i love to allude to those contexts within the story.

another thing about my version is that i allow it to be inconsistent both with itself or with real life, just cuz it doesn't really have to be. for instance, this story has a floating timeline and i consider the chipmunk's ages to range from 8 - 10 years old— theodore is 8, alvin is 9, simon is 10. (simon is the oldest in the 1960s era idc who says what, i will die on this hill) however at the same time i think it would make the most sense for them to come from the same litter, which would make them all the same age. so i consider the chipmunks to be different ages while also considering they were born at the same time. i do have an in-world resolution for this discrepancy [4] but you get what im saying: my version of events is a little fictional story for me and me only so inconsistencies like that can be brushed over . mainly so i don't think too deeply about the logistics of things (cuz i tend to do that to avoid any possible criticism cuz i am Afraid of flaw) . like i'll catch myself being like "but how does the development of a real 8yo match theodore's behavior? 🤨" and i have to tell myself "bro.. this is a fictional cartoon world ur literally talking about a talking chipmunk its Not That Serious it doesn't have to be that realistic dude" so i just say its my own little play place and i get to do what i want :)

my version of the backstory of the chipmunks is not really all there in terms of external and internal consistency, but it mostly resembles the 1980s series' backstory where dave finds the chipmunks on his doorstep. (see [4] for entire story) i think that the months after dave took them in were honestly a p dark period for the family. i don't imagine dave had good support system and i think the mental struggle of suddenly caring for 3 incredibly strange children all the while fearing societal reactions to them (which restricted him from getting the help he needed) [5] definitely aged him. ithink hes like, early 30s when the chipmunks arrive, late 30s when the timeline "starts floating"... not as young as most (?) fans/iterations interpret him to be. i think that, before "the chipmunk song" was created, dave had raised the chipmunks for like.. 3-5ish years. what i'm saying is that dave definitely took in the chipmunks out of the kindness of his own heart and not cuz he wanted to capitalize on their singing prowess (aHEM looking at a certain movie 🤨)

also, i like to accentuate the animal-ness of the boys by taking real world information about chipmunks and applying it to them :) in general its a little bit of a pet peeve of mine when ppl just completely disregard the animal part of funny animal characters... esp with alvin and the chipmunks bc thats like. Their Whole Thing . they are chipmunks ? why do you just ignore that 😭

now i have talked a LOT about angsty stuff but i do want to make it clear that legit all this stuff is the subtext and background for interactions shown within the 1960s chipmunk media. the chipmunks are still happy kids who have fun and goof around and piss off david !! its just that they have fears and their own Issues like any real person.

so yeah! thats my chipmunk lore!! ^^ i have a whole document about my version so im definitely. fucking insane about the chipmunks. if any other aatc fans are reading this please be nice to me 😦 i feel as though i am very much a weirdo in my sandbox all alone soo dont h8 me plz :)

and just to send it off with some silly lore here are some random headcanons for each character that i have taken straight from my lore document ^^

alvin: would 100% be a leash kid . just sayin (as a former leash kid myself)

alvin: takes after david musically— when he writes his own music and makes up little songs to himself it sounds very similar to the songs dave writes. alvin doesn't recognize this but dave definitely does :,)

alvin: insecure about his height and constantly reassures himself that he will have a growth spurt when hes older

simon: loves loves LOVEs non-conventional and instrumental music! especially those set in different modes

simon: astronaut kid he loves space and wants to b an astronaut . born at just the right time B)

simon: knows better than to follow along with alvin's troublemaking + rebelliousness, occasionally tries to push back, but often is just like. fuck it we ball and goes along with it, especially if its fun ^^

theodore: LOVES the technical aspect of music + the recording process . he will tell you all about the science behind how vinyl records work unprompted.

theodore: doesnt like to sing solos as much as his brothers do bc of past childhood asthma at age 3 and also because he can not stop himself from giggling when hes singing hes just so happy :)! (THIS ONE IS CANON 💥💥💥 SOURCE: UP ON THE HOUSETOP CHRISTMAS W THE CHIPMUNKS VOL 1 ‼️)

theodore: although he is the most naive of the bunch, he is not dumb . hes just a little kid who likes being silly !

dave: before taking the chipmunks in in his early 30s he was the world's most regular guy . wrote hits for other people, continues to do that occasionally into the boys's careers

dave: literally has a song for everything . he will do everything to a beat .

dave: embroiders and cross-stitches to regulate his anger + knows how to sew really well since he has 2 make all of the boys' clothes. (CANON ⁉️😍) also it was his decision to color-code and embroider their initials onto everything they wear lmfao

FOOTNOTES (color coded for your convenience!)

[1] - in this post i refer to the media franchise as "aatc" (alvin and the chipmunks) and refer to the actual trio of characters as "the chipmunks" to avoid confusion. i just want it to be said that i personally dont like to call the media franchise "alvin & the chipmunks" on account of the whole "uuu if alvins a chipmunk why is it called alvin & the chipmunks" joke, i personally prefer to call the franchise just "the chipmunks" as it is shorter and includes the 1960s era as for most of it the franchise went by several different iterations (if we lived in a perfect world the franchise would still be called "david seville and the chipmunks" . just saying)

[2] - back in the early 60s, combining pitch-shifted vocals and character-acting was an innovative technique that took real time, effort, knowledge and skill to achieve. but nowadays not only is the concept no longer fresh but literally anyone can create their own "chipmunk" vocals in a matter of minutes. the story & characters (also nostalgia) are really the only thing keeping the aatc franchise going, esp since that's what more modern iterations of aatc focus on rather than the actual music.

[3] - in the media outside of their albums (the alvin show & the dell comics, specifically) there is always an underlying theme of comparison between david and the boys and the 1960s concept of a nuclear american family. its not exactly an "Intentional" theme, it more or less comes with the (irl) time-period the original aatc media was created in. the seville household is, inherently, a subversion of the ideal of the "perfect family" that households were compared against and strived to be, even at the expense of their own comfort, ideals, safety, etc. this subversion can be played into for drama and angst in a richer, more plausible way than it would be if the story were set in a more modern time period, u know? but yeah i believe that, as a fictional story, aatc shouldn't be divorced from the context of the attitudes and values of what mainstream society thought a family should be in the 1960s.

[4] - essentially in my version of events, dave was given no information about the boys and he basically made up their ages. when david found them in his backyard, they were oversized chipmunks as large as your average cat. they all sort of acted like young human children, but they were a lot more... chipmunk than child. they could only babble— but the sounds were recognizable as human speech. dave was obviously freaked out and resolved to keep an eye on them whenever they were in his backyard. he really only resolved to take them in due to the fact that he could literally see them change throughout a single week. how i imagine the chipmunks' biology is that they are a mixture of human and chipmunk (not literally, mind you, more as a physiological, figurative thing) so they have the intelligence and development of a human while still doing certain things like undertaking hibernation, wanting to forage and stockpile and burrow, things like that. however their growth rate is incredibly fucked up, going from the actual size of a newborn baby chipmunk to the size of a human toddler within like, a year. with this rapid growth also comes more human-like intelligence. once they were actually living in his house, dave knew there was something human about them with these creatures so he couldn't just let them return to the wild, especially since they were becoming more and more dependent on him and more and more human-like as days passed... i definitely think there was a moment of pure clarity for dave where he realized like. wow, that's a child. these things are children. and they are relying on me to provide for them. they are absolutely attached to me by now. and i think i might actually be attached to them too. and thats when he decided to name them and truly care for them like any other human child. overtime the chipmunks slowed their growth rate and matched their developing rate with the same as an average human. the chipmunks don't remember much of their early childhood and nothing can really be disputed so davids word of what happened is gospel. And yeah thats their backstory basically. if you want more on dave's view point on the chipmunks and their fucked up growth process, you can read this post here :)

[5] - he overcame this, of course. he did not want the boys to think that he was ashamed of them. public school was a different story, however, and the boys were more-or-less in a state of homeschooling before the release of "the chipmunk song." knowing that most of their peers would actually look up to them rather than down upon them extremely reassured him.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

Asking for advice anon here. So the poem I'm writing is a tribute for the death of a loved one. It's a free verse + imagery + metaphor. I've tried to incorporate the theme of finding solence in unexpected places, despite hardship. I'm ashamed to say I've been working on it for over a year. I'm running out of time and it doesn't seem right. What do you recommend?

No shame- I have writing's I've been working on for 5 years. It's okay.

First, I want to say my condolences to you. I hope that you find some peace in the aftermath of pain and loss. Grief is no simple subject with which to write. Please be careful with this advice- writing on such personal and traumatic topics can be sensitive- and much of this advice is about focusing in on the grief. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who can help you.

Let’s talk about some poetry strategies 😊 I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to explain most of this by using an example poem. It might not be entirely related to what it is that you are trying to accomplish. But as I read your ask, it immediately reminded me of this one poem by Marylin Chin. This poem is also a tribute poem for lost loved ones and centers around using ordinary objects as metaphors for grief/loss/change. If I am off base- feel free to just ignore all of this. I'm doing my best on limited information here! 

Okay, So I usually tell my students, my friends, and literally anyone who will listen to me talk about poetry, that there are a couple of ways to remove the “thought-block” in pursuit of poetry. Depending on the issue at hand, and what exactly you mean when you say, “it doesn’t seem right,” start by going back to the basic blocks. 

 Do you mean the words on the page don’t fit right? Do you mean that the thematic backing to the poem doesn’t seem right? Do you mean that the longevity of the phrases doesn’t seem right?  

I would take some time to diagnose the exactness of the problem. Often, when I am working on my own poetry (or writing of any kind) I will feel as if I am not quite sincere enough. You know that feeling when you are saying what you want to say, but it’s just not as impactfully emotional as you would like? I will sometimes feel like there is just a little bit more I need to say- to express- but it is just out of reach. I think that sometimes I even try to hide the truth of the matter from myself. So, I spend some time with my thoughts, often while sitting outside in the sun. I find the most peace there. I read some philosophy and sit outside until I’m exhausted and focused. Something inspiring or thought-provoking, just to get your mind in the spirit of analysis. There is some part of me that views poetry as an analysis of some kind – it's a process of teasing out and pulling apart a feeling then trying to suture it into the most poignant use of language possible.  

Consider, where do you find peace? Go there and think about who you are in relation to what impression you are trying to imbue into the poem. What is your truth? How does it relate to your message/ thematic point?  Go a step beyond just what you want to see written on the page, but what feeling do you seek to illicit? Even if you can’t yet put it into words- focus on the feeling. Know what it means to you, and your own intentions with that feeling.  

Now that we’ve talked about the feeling internal to the poem. As you say, the theme is grief- what's your purpose with the poem? Are you attempting to comfort readers, and yourself, from the grief? To reassure that the sting of loss will pass? Or are you sitting with grief? Pondering on the ways in which the world moves despite the loss you so keenly feel? Define it- if you can.  

I know this is a complex subject, given that grief is difficult to deal with, so if you are struggling- be careful with how seriously you take this advice. Take care of yourself- first and worry about poetry second. Okay? 😊  

Or is it something else? When you cannot yet phrase your feelings into poetry- start by attempting to make it into a question. What desperation of the soul are you trying to reach out to?   

For instance, with grief, some people are asking: God, why? And some are asking to make sense of sudden loss. And some are just asking- was it peaceful for them? Some ask why we must suffer mortality at all- what does it all mean? Some ask about the connected nature of past and present- and grief associated with letting go of the past. Where do we go when we pass? How do those who remain move on? (won’t lie- nothing launches me faster into existential dread than grief and loss and mortality). 

 Use the question on your mind- and then try to answer it with the poem (when it all falls into place). Answer it with the images and metaphor that you pick out- do a free write, association, type writing activity, wherein you just ramble about how exactly this image (or metaphor) answers the question you came up with.  

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to make it perfect- just ramble on. All good things in time- and there will time to edit, later. 

Let’s get into an example: Have you ever read “Alter” by Marylin Chin? She’s a wonderful poet, I highly recommend it if you don’t already know her. I’m thinking about this poem right now because it has a really interesting way of representing loss and change within generational momentum and cultural landscape.  

Poem: 

Altar  by Marilyn Chin 

I tell her she has outlived her usefulness.  I point to the corner where dust gathers,  where light has never touched. But there she sits,  a thousand years, hands folded, in a tattered armchair,  with yesterday’s news, “the Golden Mountain Edition.”  The morning sun slants down the broken eaves,  shading half of her sallow face. 

On the upper northwest corner (I‘d consulted a geomancer),  a deathtrap shines on the dying bougainvillea.  The carcass of a goatmoth hangs upsidedown,  hollowed out. The only evidence  of her seasonal life is a dash of shimmery powder, a last cry. 

She, who was attracted to that bare bulb,  who danced around that immigrant dream,  will find her end here, this corner,  this solemn altar. 

This poem speaks about an “alter” of the ordinary. Beginning with an allusion to the current state of the past generations - as extremely old and stagnant, Chin writes that now she sits "a thousand years old, hands folded, in a tattered armchair." Presumably, the poem is speaking about a lost ancestor, or perhaps a grandmother, though it remains unclear, she is certainly speaking to a past generation or her particular Chinese American experience. We know this because of the line “with yesterday’s news, ‘the Golden Mountain Edition.’” The ordinary then becomes extraordinary, in context of its representational value to the life of Chinese Immigrants. The phrase “Golden Mountain” is a common way many immigrants from China would refer to the mountains of California during the 1850’s Gold Rush. This phrase held significance as it indicates how people would hope to become prosperous during the Gold Rush- by seeking something as awe-inspiring as the Golden Mountain. The impact of Chin using the “Golden Mountain” to bring forth an image of hopeful and eager young immigrants coming to America for Gold contrasts with the later image found in poem of “the carcass of a goatmoth” as it hangs upside down- brilliantly ensconcing a thematic message of dashed hopes amid a slowly dying, and turning to dust, American Dream as the quest for Gold was often all for not. Many found nothing- most became impoverished in a New Land.

The poem, is thus, functioning as a lamentation on the death of those who have come before us and a recognition even still of their full lives- one in which they had hopes and dreams even if they did not all come true. Conversely, speaking to the tone of identifying mortality, but also recognizing how our predecessors live on through us. As Chin ends the poem with “this solemn alter” proclaiming her own need to keep a testament to their lives with her- always like an offering to the God themself. Intuitively, also, the word “Alter” holds connotations of Chinese religiosity- marking out yet another way Chin is using the ordinary to represent a metaphysical connection to the passing of her predecessor, her past in Chinese tradition, and the dashed hopes of the Gold Rush.  While the end is not precisely a solace of any kind, it does bring forth a brief flicker of peace- of knowing that life goes on and the older generations will be remembered.

If you wish to also use a particular image or metaphor- mark out the ways in which it is multifaceted as a representation of your own circumstances. Much like how the words "Golden Mountain," "Goatmouth Moth" and “Alter” for Chin represents so many other things- so too, I’m sure, you can find images of like value in your life. Think on it for a long while- if you already have things picked out, try to establish, maybe is a short reflection-style journal entry, what it is about these images that represents your grief/theme so well?  

The vehicle of these contrasting images also lends well to identifying quintessentially Chinese American struggles with intergenerational communication and the trauma of assimilating to a new culture. The dead moth becomes the main metaphor for grief. It’s specifically a goatmouth moth, in the poem, which is a massive, beautiful moth. The carcass lays where it died- untouched and unmoved. Suddenly, grief struck, a plain table with a dusty moth becomes an altar to her ancestors. The moth represents the ways in which we let grief linger. Chin refuses to clean or change anything about the altar- revealing her reluctance to forget the past. It’s a really Brillant way of representing loss- that uncanny feeling of unfinished, finished business, and a tenuous cultural connection growing evermore strained by the pressure Chin feels to assimilate to American culture even if it means further distance from who her ancestors were. 

Consider- how this poem enumerates ways the thread of grief weaves through our lives- who are you? And how does grief manifest in your life? does it linger like the moth? or are you moving on? is the grief like the rising Sun- present but you know that your loved ones are watching over you? How does it manifest in your personal history? What are the implications of grief in your life? You speak on including imagery and metaphor- these are excellent devices to rely on. Chin’s poem should help elucidate that. I hope.  

I sometimes will free-write every single word I can think of in relation to one single element of the poem. Say you wish to have the moth be your metaphor- write every single word you can think of that relates to the moth (put aside thought of all else, consider the physical). Then move to how you wish the metaphor to interact with the theme. Chin’s theme is grief, so her moths gather dust and rot in the corner. She uses moths specifically because they dry rot- and dust is only left.

My point is that if you are stuck still trying to find the words- free write about it. Don’t pressure yourself to find the perfect words- just find all the words. There’s always time to edit later- Chin for instance worked on this poem for a long time. Use your free write activity like a word bank and keep switching things around- until it feels right.

So try to think on ways in which you can use your images to layer in meanings- is there a difference between the connotative and denotive meanings? How can you tease apart the words you want to use- to match on to your thematic point? 

Feel free to ask more questions. I will take any excuse at all to talk about poetry. If none of this advice works out for you, then I hope you at least enjoyed the infodump. I cannot control myself, sometimes. Again, my condolences for your loss. In times of grief, I find writing to be a great comfort. Hopefully, it is the same for you.  

Also, I fear I have already written too many words and I did not even get to give advice on free verse or the editing process. So, if you want me to speak about that too, feel free to write back. I just don’t want to overwhelm you with a longer answer.  (It's already so much) (I'm So SoRYY, I Just LOVE poetry).

Lastly, I always recommend- when you don't know how to write something, or you are stuck- turn to reading. I don't know why- but it works like magic.