#so again sorry i didn't post something like this earlier i didn't realize its importance!!

[ge0rg1ewaa]

"They set it up!" - Neymar jr

A/n : this is so confusing and idk if it makes sense. I just wanted to post something, anything. hope u still enjoy it :)

[Third person pov]

The smell of freshly prepared pasta wafted through the corridors of the apartment. The atmosphere was soothing with a blanket on the couch & a favorite movie on the TV. The setting sun and its last rays were the only thing that could be seen through the window.

Today was Y/n's day off and she decided not to bother going out, to be honest, she wasn't in the mood either. Yesterday, she broke up with her boyfriend of a year and a half because she found out he was cheating on her. She didn't do anything all day. In the morning she went out to do the shopping, but since then she has been at her place, reading the unfinished book and finishing watching the last few episodes of the series she has been bingeing on lately.

After pouring herself a portion of the pasta, she headed to the sofa, taking her phone from the charger. The girl had not yet checked her social media, her phone flooded with messages from Instagram, Twitter and Messenger. There was nothing interesting in the internet world. There were no dramas at the moment, or at least Y/n hadn't run into them. One of the messages was from her boyfriend well ex now, Neymar jr, and read 'I'm really sorry. I promise you, I haven't done anything. You know I would never touch anyone else expect you. I love you. Baby please answer me. ' and stuff like that, but Y/n just blocked him. Less than a minute later, her phone rang. As soon as she saw that it was Neymar, she let him ring, but as soon as she realized that he was not going to give up so easily, she picked up the phone, but remained silent, letting him speak.

"Hi meu amor. I know you are there, but you are silent because you want me to speak, so I will speak and tell you everything. The other night after we won the game we went out for a treat but we got drunk and I don't even know how I got home. I swear to god I don't know the girl who was next to me. They set it up! We haven't done anything, I promise you. I know the pictures you saw don't do justice to my words, but I have a video where she is paid to lie next to me half naked. I'll send it to you so you can make sure too. Eu te amo muito. Eu nunca faria algo assim para te machucar. Você significa muito para mim. [ I love you so much. I would never do anything like that to hurt you. You mean so much to me.]" After he explained everything to her in one breath, Y/n unblocked him to send her the video. And he was right. The girl could be clearly seen haggling for the amount of money and eventually getting it, before taking off her dress and laying down next to the sleeping Neymar. But how did she get into his room?

"You can see for yourself what it's all about. I still don't know how she managed to get into my room and who helped her and why they took pictures, but at least I can rest assured that you know the truth." Neymar sighed, his red eyes filled with tears once again. He doesn't know how he let things get here. Only a day since the love of his life left him, but he doesn't know what is happening around him. At least now that Y/n had let him explain the ugly situation, he hoped she would return to his arms. He missed her, her touch, her kisses, her voice, her laugh, her presence in general. He was so deeply madly in love with her that he was ready to leave his family and end his career for her, and we all know how important family & football are to him.

He was just about to hang up the phone when her soft breaking voice called. "Ney, im so sorry. I should have let you explain earlier, but because of my stubborn head, I didn't and hurt both of us. I wish I could hug and kiss you. I miss you." Y/n said, her voice quiet but understandable. She knows that's not possible because of the miles that separate them every day.

" Se você descer e sair, seu desejo pode se tornar realidade. Se você descer e sair, seu desejo pode se tornar realidade. " [If you go downstairs and go outside, your wish may come true.]" Neymar replied with a small smile that could be heard in his voice.

He was here. He was finally here. Her smile shot across her face. Y/n would finally see him. She was so excited that she didn't even bother to get a jacket and flew down the stairs, opening the front door as quickly as possible. And here in front of her stood Neymar. With his classic smile and different hairstyle. He opened his arms and Y/n ran up and jumped on top of him. Her legs wrapped around his hips, his arms around her back and under her thigh to keep her from dropping to the ground. She nuzzled her face into his neck, smelling his fresh scent & he buried his face in her hair, inhaling her shampoo, which smelled of vanilla and cinnamon.

They pulled back and smashed their lips into each other's. Their lips seemed to be made for each other and fit together like a puzzle. Ney couldn't seem to enjoy Y/n's cherry lip balm & her hands were tangled in his curls.

"I missed you and I'm so sorry I didn't believe you at first." Y/n whispered, forehead pressed against Neymar's.

" Tudo está bem agora. Eu te amo." [ Everything is good now. I love you.]

" Te amo mais." [I love you more.]

[apple-ships]

Hey ny’all! I realized recently that it’d probably be good of me to have some sort of DNI section on my carrd, I’ve been getting anxious recently because even if it’s not something I talk about on my blog I guess it feels a little bit like lying to not talk about my self ship views, if that makes sense? Anyways to spare you guys the click here’s what I added under my about section:

So if this changes your stance on following me I understand, do what you need to!! I’m sorry for not getting something like this up earlier

[komoreangel]

𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬

pairing: kazuha x reader

scenario: kazuha takes you to the lake for a romantic getaway, and he finds himself reminiscing of days long gone…ah, but you’re here with him, and that’s the only blessing he really needs, isn’t it?

genre: fluff, kazuha misses his friend but he loves u a lot !! + kazuha with messy hair hdbnd

request: KAZUHA AND HIS S/O SWIMMIGN TOGTHER IN A LAKE <\\3 SO ROMANTIC

a/n: SO TRUE ANON!! man,,,no ones doing it like kazuha,,,sexy and romantic? 🏃‍♀️

he woke you up that morning with a soft grin, telling you he had great plans for the day ahead. you had only just woken up, and already the words that fell upon your ears were nothing short of adoration, along with him trying his best to convince you to agree.

his efforts were in vain, because you would’ve followed him anywhere without hesitation. after getting dressed and grabbing your things, he took you by the hand and the two of you made your way out of the harbor. the crux was temporarily docked there while beidou visited ningguang (which the crew knew could take days, as it was painfully obvious they were more than just business partners).

“kazuha, where are you taking me?” you asked him after a while. you had thought he was planning on going to guyun stone forest again, as the shores of his homeland, inazuma, we’re faintly visible from there. he loved telling you stories about the land of his birth, and always said he’d take you there someday.

“don’t fret, y/n, it’s just a different route this time,” he assured you. however, the farther you got from the coast, the more you realized he had a different location in mind. before you could joke about how he’d tricked you, the two of you stood on a cliff overlooking luhua pool.

he offered to carry your bag and set it down in the sand. “darling, come here,” he called. you went over to him, leaning your head on his shoulder as you gazed at the crystal blue waters in front of you. the weather was rather nice that day, and he was ecstatic to have you here with him.

after enjoying the scenery for a while, he once more took you by the hand, with his eyes only on you and nowhere else. “you want to go in?” you have to admit, the water was gorgeous, and it had been getting a bit hot, as if the sun itself would concede to his wishes. “but i’m just in my clothes, i don’t..” he pulled you closer to the water, slightly chuckling at your protests.

“relax, dearest. there’s no harm in getting your clothes wet, is there? it’s hot enough outside that just setting them on the deck will dry them by tomorrow.” you can’t help but agree with him, especially when he looks at you like that. “alright, but if my clothes get ruined, it’s on you.” you tell him. his eyes light up at your words, and the two of you head closer to the water.

“of course, i’ll take full responsibility.” he replies, and as he steps further into the lake, you follow after him. you move your foot forwards, not realizing how deep the water is, and before you can stop yourself, are falling headfirst into the lake. your hair, along with all of your clothes, are now soaked. to your surprise (and slight annoyance), kazuha lifts you up with one hand, his hands steadying you.

“be careful, y/n. we don’t want you drowning, now do we?” you are slightly miffed that he didn’t help you earlier (because from past experience you know he was fully capable of stopping you from falling) and in retaliation you lean down into the water, as if to look for something. he notices, and turns towards you. “is something the matter?”

“yeah, i’m looking for my bracelet, it fell off in the water.” at this, he also leans down beside you, unaware that the bracelet you speak of is actually in your bag, which he was carrying earlier. as soon as his face nears the water, you push him down, his surprise evident as he lets out a yelp of surprise. you laugh at his struggle, as for once, the man who is always ever so eloquent and full of nothing but the most elegant of words is startled.

his head rises above the water with a tired smile on his face. “i suppose i should’ve expected that, hm?” his hair is wet, and has gotten messy from the sudden submersion into the lake. despite it being a prank of yours, you can’t help but think he looks even prettier this way. you help him up, continuing to laugh as you do so.

"sorry," you say between giggles. he continues to grin, pausing to add, "you didn't actually lose the bracelet, did you?" the bracelet was a gift from him to you for one of your anniversaries. "of course not, kaz. i'd never lose it."

he smiles at you and turns his gaze to the water. it wasn't long ago he was standing here with tomo... hoping to himself that things would forever stay that way. moments like these are when he truly understands the shogun's desire for 'eternity'. for the time we spend with our loved ones to last forever, and for the emotions and feelings we hold dearly to never end.

"kazuha, are you okay?" you've moved towards him, your hand on his shoulder. he falters a bit. "ah...yes, darling, don't worry. just lost in a thought, that's all." the smile you give at his words is everything to him, even if you don't know it. "thank you for bringing me here, kazuha. i know it's an important place to you."

so you'd known what he was feeling the whole time? he'd always said you understood him like no one else did, but apparently even he didn't know to what extent. he feels so comforted in your presence, like he doesn't have to say anything to convey his feelings. you just know, and vice versa.

he's never felt more grateful to have someone like you by his side. maybe, even though tomo is long gone, his friend had done him one final favor and pushed you in his direction. because to be in love with a person as amazing as you, kazuha believes there's got to be some other force of nature at work.

a/n: IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON </3 I MEANT TO RELEASE IT EARLIER I SWEAR. there goes kit again with her wack post schedule. BUT 2.1 IS OUT!! AND SCARAMOUCHE APPEARED!! FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!! all jokes aside IM SO HAPPY HE FINALLY SHOWED UP. LIKE....GENUINELY WHEN I WAS PLAYING THE UPDATE AND I SAW HIM I WAS VERY VERY SATISFIED 10/10 !! i also learned the way i portray him might be completely ooc...which is fine its fine im fine- but i think i will be posting more scara content (whos surprised) just to celebrate plus i also wanted to get this one out before another day goes by where i forget, thank u for reading !! <33

[mythicalgemwrites]

Selkie x F! Reader (Linn) Part 1

Sorry for not posting earlier guys! I've been very busy with online classes.

Warnings: mentions of drowning. Pics are not mine, all credits go to the owner!

M! Selkie X F! Reader

Living on an island your whole life has its perks. From the fresh scent of the salty ocean air to the calming sounds of the waves crashing lazily, it never failed to wake you up with a serenity that could be found nowhere else. You had lived alone with your Toller pup for the past couple years, in the house that your grandparents had left for you. You grew up with them, as your parents always had to move from town to town due to their profession. They were both marine biologists and had taken up a job at a top secret research facility when you were 12, so they decided to let you stay with your beloved grandparents. However, on a stormy day a couple years ago, when you were 19, both your grandparents got caught in a storm while they were out fishing, and they never came back. During the funeral, you had found out that in their will, they had stated that you should get the house, in the event of something tragically happening to them.

And that’s how you got the house three years ago. When it became too lonely, you decided to adopt a Toller puppy for company, and you had named him Sam, which was your grandpa’s nickname. He provided good company and unconditional love, which is important in every home. The house had its own dock leading to the beach, so every morning, after your walk, you’d put Sam’s retriever genes to good use and play fetch with him, fetching the ball from the ocean was one of his favorite past times. Whenever you brought him to the beach, you sometimes feared he was going to be the reason why someone almost drowned. To date, you were grateful nothing like that had ever happened, but you sometimes couldn’t brush off that fear. You were a writer, and sometimes, you couldn’t control how far your imagination went, and sometimes, the words you put on paper would be some of your worst fears, if they were to come alive.

As the days go by, and the weather gets chilly, you would often take Sam on a walk to the nearby cove, usually in the warmer months it would be filled with children playing by the beach and in the waters, but as the weather got cooler, it was mostly couples going on romantic walks, or some who preferred the solitude, just came to enjoy the sunset. On this particular day, there weren’t many people by the cove, just a couple strangers. It was around 6:15 when you threw the ball the last time, and waited for Sam to retrieve it. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, fully inhaling the chill autumn air, when you heard a whelp coming from the water. Opening your eyes, you saw Sam caught on a wave, and struggling to get back to you. In a panicked state, you took off into the water, not worrying about the growing current, but more worried about your faithful companion, struggling in grasps of strong waves, at least for a dog his size. As you grab him by his collar, attempting to pull him out, another wave comes crashing into the two of you, causing you to go under. Trying to call for help, and failing, as the water fills your lungs, you stop struggling, knowing it might make your situation worse, however, Sam starts barking, with his head barely above the water.

Suddenly, you could feel yourself being pulled out of the water, and being held against a broad chest by strong arms. Once you reached the water, you looked at your savior, beautiful greenish-blue grey eyes met yours, and you saw a cute familiar face looking back at you. It was Linn, the barista in the cute local café. You had to admit, you’ve always had a crush on him, but from afar. You didn’t know anything about him, except that people claimed that his family had lived on the island for years, centuries even.

He had shaggy brown hair, and small freckles were scattered along his face. With his help, you got up from the ground and called out to Sam. “Are you alright? I saw you getting pulled under and saw your dog barking. Do you want me to call someone?” he asked , in a boyishly deep smooth voice. Gaping like a goldfish out of the water, it took you a few seconds to process what was said. Coughing, you rasped out “ Yes… I’m fine, thank you! My dog , Sam, got caught in the waves, and I tried to get him out.” you started babbling like a lost child. “ Can I call someone to come get you?” He asked again, a hint of concern in his eyes. “ oh, no… no it’s okay, I live alone, well with Sam. There’s no one to call.” you said, trying not to act like a 15 year old who just couldn't help but be nervous around her crush. “I’ll be fine, really, I just need to walk home and dry out. Thanks again for helping!” you exclaimed. Calling Sam to you, the both of you started to walk home. “ Hey! Wait!” you heard Linn calling from behind, “ I’ll walk you home, if that’s okay. It’s getting dark anyway. I’ll see to it that you both get home safe,”. Before you could say anything, you felt him putting his jacket over you, helping with the chill. You didn’t realize you were freezing until he wrapped his jacket around you.

When the three of you reached your home, Sam was happy to be back in the warm embrace of his bed. Standing by the door “ Would you like to come in? Maybe a cup of coffee… or tea or anything else, if you prefer?” quickly giving him the option of whatever he preferred, to make sure you didn't seem ignorant. Sure, he worked as a barista in the local café, but that doesn't mean he loved coffee, right? “ Um, sure! Anything will do,” he said, as he followed you in. Looking around, you kicked yourself in your head, not keeping up to the schedule you set yourself for cleaning up around the cottage. Sure, it was decent, but paper everywhere? A heaping amount of mugs were strewn around your coffee table, as you sat there working on your next work.

Quickly picking them up and moving them to the sink, you filled up the kettle and turned it on to boil. “ There’s tea and coffee in the cabinet above the kettle, feel free to help yourself. I’ll go get dried up,” the words left you, as if you were telling them to an old friend, hoping to not make a fool of yourself anymore, you gave him a sheepish smile and made your way upstairs to your bedroom.

(Linn pov)

I made my way to the cabinet, looking through the various tea blends. Something which would help with the cold temperature would be nice. There in the right corner of the cabinet, was a box of peppermint tea. It would definitely help make her feel better, since she was soaked to the bone. I can’t help but feel a sense of concern for her. This beautiful strong woman that I always encounter in the café I worked in, and possibly have a crush on, I can’t believe I never spoke to her. I’ve always seen her writing in the corner of the café, in her spot, as my coworkers and I have labeled it. She always seems so sure of herself, and always seems ready for anything, but today, out in the water when I saw her struggling, something came over me. I had to save her, felt a sense of protectiveness for her, hence why I offered to walk her home. Taking two bigger than average mugs from the cabinet, I filled them up with the boiling water, after placing a tea bag in each and placing them on the coffee table before the couch. Her dog was in front of the heater, longing for some warmth and hoping to dry off. I heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs.

As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I saw Sam laying before the heater, trying to get warm. Making my way to the tiny laundry room, I picked up Sam’s towel. Making my way to him, from the corner of my eye I saw Linn, sitting on the couch, two steaming mugs of what seemed to be one of my teas in front of him.

“ I made some peppermint tea, it helps with colds, we don’t want you to catch one now do we?” grinned Linn.

Thanking him, and taking the mug he held one, I sat next to him on the couch. Keeping some distance between us, I asked him if he wanted to use the bathroom to clean up.

“ If you have any spare clothing that might fit, I’d like that! It’s okay if you don’t though!” he nervously exclaimed. “ I do have some spare clothing that belonged to my grandpa, they should fit. Gimme a sec! I’ll go grab ‘em, and a towel too!” I exclaimed, leaving the cozy embrace of the couch.

Making my way to my room, where I kept a spare drawer full of my grandparent’s clothes, I dug out a jumper and a pair of pajama pants which belonged to my grandpa.

When I went down, I saw Linn drying Sam with the towel that I had left by his dog bed, and Sam being the belly rub loving dog he is, happily accepted Linn drying him with the towel, belly rubs being a necessity. Letting out a chuckle at the scene before my eyes, I held out the spare clothes and a fresh towel to Linn.

“ There’s a bathroom two doors left from the stairs upstairs,” I exclaimed, reaching for the doggy towel he left by the couch and chucking it in the laundry room. “Thank you,” he exclaimed, leaving to go to the bathroom.

Once Sam was dry enough, I picked up my mug of tea, making myself comfortable on the couch. Looking out the living room window, rain droplets trickling down the class, I sip on my tea, waiting for my guest to arrive from the bathroom. A couple minutes passed, looking up when I heard soft footsteps heading towards me, I offered Linn a smile and patted down the space next to me on the couch. “ Here, you can leave once the storm stops,” I handed him the mug.

We both sat beside each other, talking about what we remember about my grandparents and how we never spoke to each other when we were younger. Sam sitting at our feet. The dying fire casted a warm allure on his face, illuminating the soft scattered freckles. Hours passed as we enjoyed each other's company over another mug of tea, laughing at all the brief mutual moments that were shared between us. He mentioned that he would always get excited to see me whenever I visited my grandparents by the docks. I didn’t want to admit it, but I always loved to catch a few glimpses of him, whenever he wasn't looking as well.

I laughed at his words, tired but somehow feeling rejuvenated. It had been a long time since I last laughed with someone. It felt good to let go.

His expression of awe paused me mid laughter. He was gazing into my eyes, as I his. For a brief moment, his gaze averted to my lips. Moving his gaze up to my eyes, as soft as a whisper “ May I kiss you?” he asked, a foreign emotion lingered behind his now soft eyes.

Giving him a gentle nod, I felt him place his hand at the nape of my neck. Inhaling a deep breath, his scent which reminded me of the sea with a hint of musky peppermint enveloped my senses.

Linn leaned in, gently bringing my face towards his. He closed his eyes, and for a brief few seconds I admired him until mine shut involuntarily as I felt his lips on mine. After a few seconds, he pulled away, still gazing into my eyes, “ I’ve been wanting to do that for quite a while now,” he said, with a sheepish grin, before kissing me again.

He deepened the kiss a little, giving my bottom lip a light lick before pulling away. “ I regretted not telling you how I felt about you earlier… I did ask permission from your grandpa before he passed. The last thing he said to me was, he’d be happy if you chose me,” he paused for a second, a hint of sadness and regret casting a shadow on his blue eyes. “ I… I need to tell you something. I might … might not be who you expect. And I understand if I’m not who you want,” he stammered. Grunting, “ The rain’s about to stop. I should probably get going,” he said as he started to get up.

Grabbing onto his hand, “ No...don’t! Please… It’s late, you should stay!” I stopped him. “And I’ve had a silly little crush on you too… I just never knew how to tell you” I whispered. He sat next to me, slowly, as if I were made of fine china. That, at any moment, I might crumble. “ You did?” he breathed, his breath close enough that I could feel it on my face.

“ I also know what you are. Grandpa made sure to educate me on myths, and he said some were not myths. I’ve seen you carry your pelt around sometimes,” I closed his hand between mine. “I know you’re a selkie, Linn. I don’t want you to hide that from me.” I breathed, gazing into his eyes. I could catch a glimpse of adoration in them. “Thank you… for not running away, even when you knew what I was,” he sighed. I gazed at his lips, before catching them with mine, a soft peck, to let him know I accepted him for who he is.

[servicetopkaradanvers]

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

[lumilasi]

kinda felt conflicted with the latest chapter turns out,, like i'm happy that tenko slowly regained his conscious back but the other side felt disappointed bcs it's not about tomura and the lov. it's just made looks tomura doesn't care abt lov more than partner or his "coworker" to reach his goal,, how do u feel abt the chapter 361?

Well, I haven't even read it yet because the place I read from doesn't publish it until tomorrow lol

However, I have seen people discussing it already in-depth, and tbh based on those...it actually makes sense to me, what's happening there! Sorry this’ll be a long explanation, but I tend to have Lotta Thoughts about stuff, so please bear with me lmao

(EDIT: Reworded some things because I realized I probs explained some points a bit poorly for what I was trying to get at)

I think you might be falling into the pitfall that some readers of bnha seem to fall for a lot; taking things a bit too much at face value, when the way things are written in this series (specifically with villains) tends to be a bit more complicated than that.

The assumption that just because a character says something/doesn't say something that's all there is to it, doesn't really work here due to the way the story is written and illustrated. Remember, manga is a visual medium so often the visuals, what is actually happening on-screen so to speak, add much more nuance to it than just reading the character's spoken words and thoughts, sometimes even giving you far clearer picture about what is actually happening, than the words being spoken. 

Bnha utilizes this visual storytelling a lot, naturally, since its a manga. Visuals are half the story basically, and in this particular case, sometimes they actually give you a more truthful picture of what is going on inside someone’s head, than what the character is saying.

(Also, the thing is, Bnha relies heavily on an unreliable narrator, so not taking what characters say at face value is pretty good advice lol. Basically Tomura not mentioning the LOV means a lot less in all likeness than you seem to be thinking it does, and I’ll try to explain even further why I think so)

For example, the whole thing back when Twice died, there were people thinking Dabi didn't care about Twice just because he said so, even though his actions during that very moment very much contradict his words, someone who doesn’t care about their comrade dying would not get so unhinged and nearly burn the perpetrator to death. And no, Dabi claiming Twice was useful tool for his goals or something as an explanation for this behavior was proven false by the story itself; he did not even need Twice to pull off his stunt towards his dad. 

In other words....that was a total, utter lie from Dabi towards not just the bird, but the readers lmao

Sure you could still argue it was important to eliminate the threat, buuut....Dabi’s behavior made it pretty clear this was personal. VERY personal. We’ve seen him get rid of threats before where he doesn’t react like this but instead is very calm and collected, such as during the fight with MLA (apart from that part with Geten, that got a lil personal too), or burning a bunch of thugs who got hostile towards him.

He did care about Twice, but because of his personality and history, Dabi clearly can't make himself to openly admit these things, so it is shown through his actions. (Also why would Horikoshi say those two had a brotherly relationship if he didn't care? He has said this either in an interview or an extra page of a manga volume, can’t remember exactly where) 

(Now that tangent might seem off-topic, but it’s kinda important to demonstrate the point I’m trying to make, bear with me again please)

 To get back to the actual chapter, the reason why “Tenko” showed up speaking about his childhood friend and not “Tomura” talking about the league, well....... there's actually this post that explains it really well that I reblogged earlier. 

The basic gist of it is kinda

'Tenko' woke up and not 'Tomura' because Tenko-side of his persona is free of AFO's influence, as AFO needs 'Tomura's' hatred, something 'Tenko' is free of, so he's just ignored and suppressed, rather than integrated into this weird amalgamation thing currently controlling the body. 

This small, still 'pure' part of him was the one reacting to Mirio as a result, because Afo!Shigaraki indeed doesn't care. Because he's AFO mixed with his own twisted creation ‘Shigaraki,’ unlike Tenko Shimura, the part of Tomura that does care. Which in fact, this does pretty much lead to the next point, which is....

(this point was raised more in the tags by someone else if I recall right btw, but it's a good point nevertheless) Like said, 'Tomura Shigaraki' is NOT Tenko Shimura, he is AFO's creation, this half of his persona is that potatoface’s doing, created by years of grooming and manipulation by him. A vessel for himself he created to gain control over this new body for him to use. AFO doesn't care about Tenko's friends, so Shigaraki!AFO wouldn’t react to Mirio’s words either, because the part of him that cares is 'Tenko,' currently locked away from the consciousness controlling the body.

So, the part that reacted to Mirio's words is the part of our boy that isn't influenced by AFO, which is the child, the child who'd naturally (IMO) first think of the friends he had as a kid, those people he had before someone destroyed his life and warped his mentality into creating this person that isn’t truly him, not entirely. This doesn't mean he doesn't care about the league.  (Also, EDIT2; saw another post pointing out that him recalling again the horrid memories of his family dying probably feels like they JUST happened to him, so its even more understandable the Tenko side of him would bring up his childhood friends rather than the current ones)

(see the Dabi point earlier; actions speak louder than words, and Tomura has demonstrably expressed his care for the league many many many times with his actions before, rather than words, though sometimes even with words indirectly. Him not bringing them up here - if that is indeed what he does, IDK yet as I haven't read the chapter fully yet and can't till tomorrow - isn't suddenly gonna erase all that). 

It's  likely that the part more familiar with them is currently completely overtaken/merged with AFO, and probably will need his free half (little Tenko) help to be separated from him. 'Tomura' needs to be reunited with 'Tenko' again. I.E the part that does care and is free of hate. (again a point the linked post makes at the end of it about how Izuku's gonna potentially do this) 

Little Tenko showing up by itself here matters faaaaar more than what he actually said. Because it symbolizes the fact there’s still a part of him who wants to be saved/needs saving/can be saved, an innocent, uncorrupted part that AFO has no control over. This is basically the goal our protagonist has set himself, to “save that crying child” (not an exact quote from Izuku, but basically the sentiment.)

(Whatever that saving may mean in practice remains to be seen of course, this story doesn’t enjoy being simple and having easy answers after all lmao)

TL DR: Tomura does still very much care about the league, he's consistently shown that in the past, and just because he doesn't bring them up here (which there's actually reasonable potential in-story explanations and plot reasons for why that is, also unreliable narration is this manga’s thing lol, these characters just straight up lie to the audience sometimes), it doesn't suddenly erase the precedent the story has set that he does care about them. That’d just be pretty bad writing at that point to completely ignore what you’ve set up before, and while his writing has issues at times, I trust Horikoshi enough to not fail THAT badly lmao

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

orange and gold

...I just need more Cole and Vania content, they seem like they'd be great friends.

Basically it's just 'Cole goes to visit her there, they almost burn down the kitchen, and make way too many puns', lol.

Set a few months after Master of the Mountain, but before Seabound or The Island.

Also yeah, I couldn't think of a better title, sue me- I just know that they wear one of the colours at some point, so... 🤦‍♀️😂

Trigger warnings: none I think? Huh-

Also, bingo!! I really need to learn better time management, dear freaking gosh- I hope I'm not too late though? I know it's like half a day late, eek- and I was supposed to post this earlier, but I ended up literally falling asleep while writing it😂

Thank you so much Fabro, for hosting such a cool event!:D Your comments on my fics literally never fail to make my day<3. And I'm so glad that I met so many awesome, really skilled people through this event too - it's been a lot of fun working alongside y'all:D, I wish I'd had more time to interact instead of posting stuff and vanishing lol, but exams be like:////

Prompt: cooking (does baking count as cooking? I realized too late lol-) from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Word Count: 2497

---

Trying to escape from killer dire-bats hadn't been on Cole's to do list today - although the mountains were kind of beautiful.

It was a bit difficult to see them while he was being dragged to his death, but hey, didn't Jay always tell them to be more positive?

That was, until he made the mistake of looking down.

Miles of snowcapped mountains touched the pastel blue sky, but he was more focused on exactly how high he was from the ground.

Great.

Trying to swing back onto the Bounty, he didn't notice a golden-winged blur shoot past the bat, almost dropping their spear in haste.

"Let my friend go, or I'll-"

"Vania?"

She throws the spear at the bird, successfully knocking one of its wings.

Huh. She must've been practicing - throwing with accuracy while flying seemed kinda difficult.

"I'm so sorry!" she replies, grabbing his arm before he fell down too. She winces at the strain on her wings, almost dropping him onto the deck. "I was supposed to come earlier, but there was an issue with one of the mines, and it took forever to-"

"There ain't anything in this world that's managed to kill me yet," he replies jokingly, checking that the autopilot hadn't been damaged. "I doubt an angry bird is going to be the first."

"Didn't you mention that you became a ghost once? Pretty sure that means you were dead-"

"Shh, that's not an important detail," he jokes.

"If you say so," she replies with a grin. "Did I mention that Chompy's been tearing down the palace flower arrangements again?"

"Send my regards to the gardener-"

"Did you just make a pun?"

"Remind me why I decided to visit you again?"

"Because you love me?" she asks stepping onto the ground as the Bounty landed gently.

"I hereby crown you as my platonic soulmate," Cole deadpans, taking her hand. "Vania and Cole-"

"Destined to annoy each other for eternity," she giggles, swinging their hands up and down. "But seriously - thanks. I don't think I realized how much work being a queen was."

"What's it like?"

"I mean - I'm glad that people trust me, and they come to me if they have a problem, but the paperwork is a nightmare. I never get to go outside anymore, I swear."

"Paperwork? Also, you just invited me here for a week. I don't wanna disturb you?"

"Nah, I cleared my schedule, don't worry. And trust me, you don't want to know. Everything requires some sort of official written thing, and it's so boring-"

"Official? But you're the queen?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't really want to change something unless it benefits the people. Not after..."

Her smile dims, eyes straying to the palace walls.

Oh- oh.

"You're nothing like him," Cole says firmly, squeezing her hand. "I mean, if you need to take a break, or you can make your job a bit easier by cutting out something unnecessary, that's just gonna help you become a better queen. You've definitely got the interests of your people at heart, and that's the most important thing, you know? And well, uh, everything seems to be going great so far - you don't have to beat yourself up over someone else's mistakes."

"Thanks," she replies softly, her smile slowly returning. "Speaking of breaks, what do you think we should do this time?"

"You could show me around the city again?"

"You've already seen everything cool," Vania giggles, skipping ahead of him. "We don't renovate much - unlike you guys-"

"Hey, it's not our fault that our city gets destroyed every few months-"

"More like every few days," she teases, tying back her golden hair. "How about we find some dragons to adopt?"

"Tempting, but where would you keep them?"

"They could sleep in my room-"

She breaks off when she notices him laughing. "What?"

"N- nothing," Cole replies, in between laughs. "Jay and I just made a bet."

"On what?"

"How many dragons you've adopted. I bet at least six, he bet fifteen."

"Well, jokes on both of you - I'm pretty sure my advisor's going to throw a fit if I show up with another one," she starts, giggling. "We've got twenty living in the palace right now."

"Twenty dragons?"

"They're so cute! You just look into their adorable little eyes," Vania pauses for breath, continuing her animated gesturing, "and you can't help but wanna hug them!"

"Oh, Jay's going to be so mad."

"Aww, I'm sorry guys. They're just too adorable!"

"...Wanna hear a funny story?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"I actually used to be terrified of dragons-"

"No way!" Vania exclaims. "Y'all have been on a lot of adventures though, so-"

"Nah, we used to have our own dragons at first. They were pretty cool! I just- I'm a simple guy! Huge animals with wings are scary up close when you're barely a teenager."

"Or when you're really short-"

"We're the same height!" Cole exclaims, facepalming in a bit of a fondly exasperated way.

"I'm two years younger than you-"

---

"Ugh, whose idea was this?"

"Yours," Vania grins, sitting down on the kitchen counter.

"You were supposed to help me, not leave me high and dry!" Cole accuses jokingly, staring at all the appliances they'd found in the cupboards.

"'One must always be prepared for new adventures,'" she quotes seamlessly, waving one of- what was his name again? Mulch something? Oh! Clutch! Some explorer he was, leaving them to die in the pyramid - Clutch Powers' books in the air.

"Fine," he sighs, staring at the old recipe book she'd found in one of their back cupboards. "But you've gotta help me? I almost burned down-" "Woah, what? If you finish that sentence with 'kitchen'-" "In my defense, Kai was playing a prank on me-" "In my defense, I wouldn't like to explain how the queen of Shintaro burnt down the palace by teaching one of her friends to cook," she grins, flipping through the pages. "What do you wanna start with?" "Something simple?" "Have you ever tried baking bread before? It's a lot of fun!" "I haven't really had the time, but that sounds kinda interesting."

He skims the recipe, raising his eyebrows. "Wait, why does this take hours? I thought you said it was simple?"

"Trust me, it is," she laughs, adding, "besides, I still wanna hear about all your adventures!" "Uh... okay," Cole replies hesitantly, "but if this fails, I'm so sorry." "Give yourself some credit, you guys literally saved the world! Multiple times!" "Bold of y'all to assume we know how we did it," he laughs, only half-kidding. "Besides. I botched soup once."

"I've botched toast," she mock-sighs, smiling. "Pretty sure that makes us even."

"Lemme get this straight. You've messed up toasting bread, but you can bake it from scratch?"

"Trust me, I don't know either," she giggles, trying to open a brightly coloured packet of... something? Did flour come in packets that small?

"Uh, why are you opening something called 'feast'?" he asks, eyebrows creased in confusion.

"Feast," she echoes, trying to stifle her laughter. "Off to a... rocky start, aren't we?"

It took him a second.

"I already regret this," he jokes, facepalming. "But I'd say that your puns are, uh, gold."

"I've un- unleashed-" breaking off, she half-falls off the counter, laughing so hard her face starts to go red, "a monster."

---

"Uh, is it supposed to look like that?" Cole asks, frowning.

The mixture looked less like the dough he'd been expecting - more like one of Jay's inventions gone wrong.

Badly wrong, he thought, eyes widening at the goopy mess of foam that threatened to spill over the jug.

"The yeast?" Vania echoes, poking her head out of one of the cupboards. "Yeah, all good! It always looks a little gross, and you're gonna doubt ever eating bread again, but at least it doesn't taste like it's fermented-"

"It's what?"

"Yeah," she grimaces, exaggerating her disgust a bit. "If aliens ever fell from the sky, they'd think we were crazy for eating bread-"

"Aliens? I think we're a bit crazy!" Cole exclaims, trying not to laugh.

Vania smiles, then sighs, lugging a huge bag of flour onto the counter. "I can never open these bags properly," she starts, eyeing the the bag a bit warily, "and it always makes such a huge mess all over the kitchen. You'd think they'd make it easier for people to use, right? I swear-"

He jokingly puts his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you!" "But you know that I've sworn off swearing-" she replies, breaking off with a laugh. "Pun not intended - that actually made sense in my head. I swear!"

"No," Cole interjects with a grin, shaking his head. "You don't, remember?"

"See, this is why we're friends-"

"Friends? Is that all I am to you?"

"Oh, be quiet," she shoots back, exaggeratedly dragging a hand down her face. "I mean, sure, just because everyone thinks that we're dating doesn't mean that we-"

Wait. What?

"People think that we're dating?" he asks, clamping a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle his laughter. "I- I- really?"

"I know, right?"

"Even my friends thought so at first," he confesses, dragging a hand down his face. "I mean, as much as I love you-"

"I love you too," Vania replies, completely seriously. "Even if you'll always be more like an annoying-"

"Hey-"

"Sibling to me than anything else," she finishes, grabbing a pair of scissors. Cole watches, a little alarmed, as she stabs them into the flour bag over and over.

"Is it... supposed to be this difficult to just open the bag? Seems kinda stupid-"

"Well, er, they have this piece of paper with glue that you're supposed to pull away from the rest of the bag, but it never works properly and I-"

"Well, we could always make our own flour," Cole interjects, laughing. "I mean, I've got a scythe? Let's go!"

"Uh, but we don't have wheat growing here. I don't think it'd suit the climate very well?"

"Wheat a shame," Cole sighs jokingly, measuring out the flour (which had, finally, escaped the bag).

"Oh my gosh," Vania deadpans, "you did not just-"

"Yep, I did."

"You're horrible," she giggles, "then again, I was the one who started this whole debacle, so I think we'll share the blame."

"Debacle? Where'd you pick that one up from? Sounds kinda cool-"

"Oh, it's from a book someone wrote about you guys," Vania says casually, pouring a cup of water into the bowl.

"Hey, uh-" Cole starts hesitantly, twisting his fingers back and forth, then breaks off. "Why'd you read all that stuff about us, anyways? Adventure books don't really seem like something you read a lot, since we have similar favorite books. I mean..."

"Well, um..." Vania trails off, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh- I guess, well, it sounds kinda stupid, but I'd never really met anyone my age who wasn't a royal or something. I... er, I didn't want to be left out, you know?"

Cole thinks back to a scroll; a quest, a sacrifice. One that his friends never seemed to really notice, unless it was with horror or flinches. Not that he blamed them, but - joking about how he was much more useful to the team when he was freaking dead than he was before he'd stumbled and fell in the temple?

That had been a bit far, even for his best friend. Locks could always be picked or something, he didn't need to be a ghost to provide some sort of value-

Well, that's not completely true, is it? a small voice questions, and he can't keep his hands from shaking a little.

"Jay here thinks you're the least valuable ninja."

Not enough to be a performer. Now, not good enough to even be a ninja, apparently.

Well, he reminds himself firmly, you don't have to be the best - just stand up to those who are cruel and unjust.

Nothing but a scar that glowed warm orange occasionally left of the whole Cursed Realm ordeal, sometimes it was all too easy to forget - or pretend - that it had never even happened in the first place.

Other times, like when he'd dropped a glass of water on the floor and his hands hadn't stopped shaking for hours, or when he woke up screaming, expecting to fall through his bed again, it still felt like he was trapped as a ghost. Literally - and maybe a little figuratively as well.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

"Thanks for trusting me with that," he replies softly. "And I'm sorry. That sounds... horrible, but, honestly, you're a pretty cool person, and I ain't just saying that because we're friends. People can be awful, and they can- they can leave, but you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not for people to accept you. I kinda know what it's like, and it's... just, uh, not great."

"No, thank you," Vania says, rubbing her eyes. "You're pretty cool, too. And I'm glad that we become friends, even if wasn't in the- the, er, greatest circumstances."

"Right back at ya. The fall was pretty terrifying, though," Cole says casually, as if memories of that nightmarish plunge into the depths of earth don't still send shivers down his spine.

"No, definitely! I was so sure we were gonna splat onto the ground or something, thank gosh we didn't."

"Yeah..." Cole trails off, reading the recipe they'd been following. "Oh- do we just leave the bowl somewhere for a few hours now?"

"Oh, yeah," Vania answers. "Other than clean up the kitchen, what else do you wanna do?"

"That's kind of you, but, ah, I don't mind. You can choose something."

"I don't mind either," she replies, covering the bowl with a dishcloth. "Seriously, I don't."

"Same here though."

"Really, I don't mind-" Vania breaks off with a laugh, adding, "Well, actually, there is something."

She doesn't elaborate, thoughtfully gazing out the window.

"Well, what is it? Don't keep me in the dark."

"Ugh, it's kinda stupid-"

"I'm sure that it's not- well, unless you want to try to jump off a flying ship with a homemade parachute to prove a bet to someone-"

"Do I even wanna know?"

"...uh, probably not. We're way too crazy sometimes, our Master has a hard time keeping us in check. Your thing, though?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

Cole blinks for a second, expecting some sort of punchline.

"That's your thing?"

"Well, yeah- I mean, I said it was kinda stupid-"

"No no, that's not what I meant. You're so sweet - that's all."

"Well, not more than you-"

"Nah, you're sweeter-"

"Let's just call it a tie," Vania says with a smile, reaching over to give her friend a hug. "Thank you so much, I swear- well, no, I don't, but you know, anyways-"

"Yeah," Cole replies, laughing softly. "I know."

[jaefmin]

Talent hunt - J.JK

DKSDKLSD HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE <33

➳ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Female reader

➳ Genre: pure crack✨friends to lovers au, lil bit of fluff in the end, friend!jk, crack!jk, the oc's kinda talentless TUMBLR ADDICT OC FOR Y'ALL!

➳ Summary: Jungkook's filled with talents, just like your snack bowl. He can't believe it, that you do nothing except writing your articles. He wants to find it all in you, because he knows that you've got the energy. Read on to find out what happens between both these characters!!

➳ M.list

“I mean, you would have some specialty at least.” He pleaded, again. “I told you already, Jungkook, I don’t do anything.” You replied for the ninth time, sparks of hope left bursting inside you that he would stop. “It can’t be that way. Every person is special in some or the other way, I know you’ve got something.” Those sparks inside seemed to find their way down pretty quick. You found it pretty annoying, especially when he had to do this between your work. You tried to come up with some reply for him to stop. Once you’d tell him about it, he’d think over it and stop annoying you. After thinking for a while with Jungkook sitting in front of you with puppy eyes, you came up with one.

“Yes!! I have a specialty!!” You bursted out, and Jungkook’s face lit up with a bright smile. “Ha!! I knew it!! Told ya!!” His face lit up, excitement filled inside to know what it was. “There’s this site called tumblr, and it’s GOLD. I have a lot of mutuals over there and they’re the reason I’m alive right now. I’m pretty famous there.” Your chest widened at the amount of notes you had on your posts. Jungkook's expression seemed to change every word of your answer, before he came up with another question. “N-no, Social media-? I didn't mean that.. Any real talent? More of like, uhh sports? Drawing? I bet you’re good at drawing!! You’re that typical type with glasses and you’d look pretty good with a brush.” You doubted yourself earlier on calling Jungkook a crackhead, but it seems like you have to doubt yourself upon doubting Jungkook being a crackhead or not now. ‘It isn’t what it seems like, kook. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Jungkook, being back to the moody gen-z he is, rolled his eyes at your comment. “Come on girl!! Don’t be a mom! I know you’ve got this!” He hits you playfully while speaking, at you could have sworn, if he had just applied 🤏🏻 much more force, you would have gone flying ten feet away. “A MOM?!!? EXCUSE ME!?!?” Your tone didn't seem to satisfy him, “Alright, calm down smelly. Since, you’re think good at nothing, we’ll go through a list of things that I’m good at or I know, and then I’m pretty sure we’ll find a good quality from them that you have.” You knew the article you were writing wasn’t going to get anywhere. “One condition.” The man in front of you rolled his eyes once again, “Go on, mom.” You shot a death glare at him and that was all it took; his hands were up in the air, peace written all over his face. “You let me complete my work after we finish this.” Jungkook seemed surprised, “That’s all?” He pauses, “Duh, I’m doing this for you to feel good. I can stop right now if you say.” Being a person who wasn’t contended hurting others feelings, you replied “Alright then, let’s do it.”

He sat on the bed, and you followed him upon it. “Okay, so first question, how fast can you run?” He asks with curiosity. “Hmph, bold of you to think I even get up from my seat.” His eyebrows curl up, and you know that he’s saying something in his head about you, like you’re hindered. “So if you’re saying you don’t get up from your seat, do you only write articles all day?” He questions, “I just told you, you forgetful egg, I’m also on tumblr! And that, I’m telling you, it takes up more than half of my day.” You reminded him, and whenever the thought of tumblr came into your mind, you internally smiled at yourself. ”Jungkook seemed to be in deep thought, and again came up with a question. “Y/N! Yes! You write articles! That’s your speciality!! Your writing’s good!!” Your eyebrows shot up along with Jungkook’s and both of your eyes widened, you’ve come up with something! But the reason you were happy is that this long conversation finished, and you could finally get back to finishing your article. “Yes Jungkook!! That’s the good quality that I have!! So it’s done, we’re finished, and now I’m getting back to my work.” You got up from the bed, and were about to get back to your seat, when Jungkook caught your wrist.

“That’s only one quality Y/n!! I have a lot more things that I’m good at!! It can’t be only one!” You balled your hand into a fist, annoyance filling you up. You tried to calm yourself down instead of exploding right at Jungkook because he’s your friend and you do care about a person’s feelings. You turned, “I know! But I’m so sorry, koo!! I really have a lot of work right now, so mind if we keep this convo for later?” You asked, hoping this would lead to a finished article at the end. You knew this wasn’t getting anywhere, Jungkook would definitely want to continue. “But Y/n,” He placed both your hands in his, “You know you’ve been feeling unmotivated lately, right?” His voice deepened. “It is really important! We need to do this! I understand that your article’s important too, but your mental health should be given more importance. It’s alright if you lose your job, but health-” It’s funny how he makes you think about his duality in every conversation. Sure of the fact that even begging and falling to his feet won’t help in this situation, you intruded his speech. “I understand.” You pressed his hand, “Let’s dive into it!” You were pretty good at fake-smiling and the tone in your voice seemed quite believable, the sarcasm hidden behind. You took your seat on the bed in front of Jungkook. “That’s the Y/N I wanna see!!” You smiled at his innocence, and continued the conversation.

“So, what about any sport that you’re interested in? Maybe something like badminton, football, volleyball, or swimming?” Jungkook’s next question popped up, and it reminded you of the old days. “The last time I swam was when I was ten, because my elder brother accidentally pushed me into the water, and I almost drowned, and like everyone’s parents, even mines were triggered and they pushed me to learn swimming.” Another sarcastic reply made its way through your lips, Jungkook again bewildered by how unattached you are. “And well basketball, I used to like it, but then I almost broke my nose in a match, never found the courage to get back on the ground again. Jungkook was quick to reply, “That’s not called getting triggered, Y/N. They did it because that's gonna help you in some or the other way in future.” Your face went blank at his comment, “Who's being the mom now?” “N-No, I’m not-” Jungkook went red stuttering at every word. "Next thing we’re looking at is… reading! Do you like reading?” He immediately planned to change the topic, your face retaining the blank expression that’s always put on it. Did he just forget that you write articles? Still, boys don’t get these kinds of death glares or eye contacts girls make, so Jungkook stays clueless. His eyebrows furrow up, thoughts muddled up in his mind. After deep thinking for a while, Jungkook strikes. Proudness takes over you, you got yourself a friend who understands girls.

“Nevermind!! We’ll move on?” Your mouth flung open at his reply, a feeling of your hopes shooting to the sky but then immediately bursting out like a firework, sparks falling to the ground. Can someone really expect something from Jeon Jungkook? “I’ve run out of ideas Y/n..” He pouts sadly, and that’s the cue to your happiness. “Okay that’s great! Now I’m getting back to writing my article!” History repeats itself; you get up from the bed to be pulled back down again. Not being someone who can keep their feelings suppressed for a long time, you aim to bawl right at Jungkook, but before anything comes out of your mouth, he interrupts. “Just one more thing Y/n.” The extra amount of innocence spread on Jungkook’s face is something that anyone would give into, and personally you did find him attractive. The way he’s dressed looking all cuddly, you would give into his arms right this second if he asked to. Yes, you did dream about him every night before going to sleep, how fun it would be to have someone like him taking care of you. His duality is out of the question; there’s no one better than him. If it were for him, you’d leave the whole world and give into Jungkook’s arms, but the strings of life keep pulling you back towards them.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize how the time passed by, before you heard a couple snaps in front of your face. “Earth to Y/N???” Jungkook waved his hand in front of you a couple times, bringing you back to reality. Work can be postponed for this angel, just the way you’re punctual. You sat back down and placed your hands above Jungkook’s. He cleared his throat, straightened his back, and began. “Look, people like you, I mean, the ones interested in social media, glasses, look cuddly and cute like penguins,” Jungkook was good, but in some cases you couldn’t guarantee what he would come up with. “I bet you’ve had a boyfriend.” His statement caught you by surprise, your heart racing inside. You didn’t have the courage to reply to him, you are the least interested in opening up. It wasn’t a moment before Jungkook shot back at you, “I’ll tell you what type suits you.” Jungkook’s pretty much of a crackhead, but something urged you not to stop him. You wanted to know which perspective Jungkook looks at you with.

“I think your boyfriend would’ve loved your kisses. I have a feeling you’re a really good kisser, and you would often want cuddles from him. And yes,” He laughs, “You would be a wholesome of cute actions, and there’d be no one else who loved it more than him.” He booped your nose and finished, and not gonna lie, you could drool on him right now. His face was gleaming with compassion, eyes so deep you could drown in them. His lips curved into a tiny smile, the bunny teeth making their appearance. All you wanted to ever do was stay glued to him and keep on listening to those beautiful words that came out of his mouth. His eyes met yours and he leaned you in, a soft expression settling on his face as a stroke of sunlight passed through it. Jungkook continued asking further, “Can I kiss you?” His fingers gently stroked on your cheekbones and his eyes met yours. Faces not centimetres apart, both of your breaths tangled. You locked his lips with yours and gripped onto Jungkook’s neck, your sweet action making him give in. This is what you wanted, and this is what he wanted. You both stayed the same way for a while before separating.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

gon rb and then add the taglist beuase dumblr's mean </3

[malexmalereader]

Jesse McCree x Male!Reader - Confess it, else I'll take it to my grave

A/N: it's here. Part 2 to a oneshot written quite some time ago, requested by @madeofunicorns111813 - sorry it took so long - I also took some liberties with the request, hope it's not too bad either way!

Part 1:

Part 2:

As you slowly open your eyes again, waking from your nap, it's pitch black outside - only a small lantern on the porch spending some light, that illuminates a few more bottles of whiskey and cans of beer standing around the porch swing, mainly where Jesse had sat earlier.

The amount of them made you shake your head in amusement - he must be drunk as balls by now, if he hasn't passed out somewhere else yet. 

Now there was no sign of him, not the gentle feeling of his arms around you, no indication where he might be gone - only his scent faintly lingering in the air.

You stretch and sit up straight, taking a deep, content breath. 

You check your wristwatch and let out an impressed whistle - you'd slept on that old, only mildly comfortable porch swing from what must've been 10 p.m. to somewhere around two in the morning.

You hear the front door open, Jesse's heavy steps a little uneven as he saunter back over to the porch swing, barely acknowledging you.

In his hand he has a glass of water, sighing deeply before downing it in one go. You fondly watch as he spills just a bit of water, that drips down his beard and stains his shirt. 

He sets down the glass and sighs once more, staring of into the vast emptiness of the seemingly never ending fields.

"I reckon, and please take my word on this one - it might just be bedtime for the two of us.", you chuckle as you watch him clumsily trying to get up, setting you swinging ever so slightly.

"You ain't the boss o' me-", he says, a few hiccups interrupting him as he stumbles his way forward.

You roll your eyes and get up as well, offering to be his arm rest and crutch, but instead of throwing an arm over your shoulder he wraps you up in a big hug.

"I'm really glad to be back here-", he slurs, headbutting into your neck with a little more force than he meant to.

You pat his back, letting out another chuckle. 

"I know man, I know. You've mentioned it a couple of times.", you calmly state, not too surprised by his emotional outburst - even way back when you were younger he had the habit of getting sappy when he let his guard down - either with the help of alcohol or not.

"Nah, you ain't hearing me Darlin'...", He mumbles against your neck, his beard tickling you, before lazily lifting his head to look into your face.

His right hand finds its way to gently cup your cheek and you feel your face grow a little warmer, as you realize how close he is to you. Granted, you were a little surprised and conflicted about whether it's just the alcohol getting the best of both of you.

But god damn it, if his face didn't look stupidly handsome in the low light of the lantern, making his eyes sparkle as he looks at you with such fondness.

"God, I love you so much…", He says, his voice low as his thumb strokes your cheek.

You swallow harshly, trying to avert your eyes away from him - though you had not completely slept the whiskey from your mind yet, you didn't want to get caught up in something that Jesse might not even mean. 

But there was just something so captivating about the way he was looking at you - something you had longed for for almost three decades.

"Y'know, back when we were kids my Ma would tease me 'bout how much I talked about you…", he chuckles as he slurs on "And I'd always tell 'er that she got it all wrong. (Y/N) ain't nothing but a friend, he's just real cool, just my ride or die guy for when times get tough."

A corner of your mouth twitches up into a slight smile at the mention of Jesse's Mother - she was a really sweet lady, always had apple pie ready when you and Jesse came back from a days adventure. 

It wasn't until she remarried back when Jesse was 17 that all went downhill.

"But I think she knew I was lyin'. Could see it in her eyes. I bet right now she's looking down at me from the heavens thinking to herself 'told ya so, boy.'", Jesse sighs, pulling you a little closer.

"For the longest time I thought I'd marry you. At some point I would've asked you out, real sweet, had it all planned.", as he keeps talking, you swear his voice is getting weaker and his eyes are getting watery - though you wouldn't bet on it.

You gently stroke his back as he keeps talking.

"I wanted to- I wanted to take you out to sit on that ol' abandoned truck at the very back of my Ma's farm. We would've sat down on the back, under that really ugly lookin' cherry tree. There- there was a meteor shower that night.", His eyes slowly drift away from you as he keeps talking, his hand finding its way down your arm, hesitantly lingering at your fingers.

"I had my whole life figured out - I'd tell you, and you'd tell me that you'd always liked me too, and we'd've kissed under the moonlight and all that. We'd've-", he chuckles slightly "We would've finished school, and gone to prom, and then we'd have gotten jobs and get married…"

He lets out a shaky breath.

"I wanted to- I wanted to have a big, sweet wedding on your Mommas' farm, and then we'd've settled down a little further out - but not too far away from our families. So that when we would have had children they could always celebrate their birthdays with their grandparents an' aunts an' uncles an' cousins."

You sigh and intertwine your fingers with his, bringing the hand that had previously stroked his back to his cheek.

You tenderly wipe a tear away with your thumb, guiding his head back to look at you again.

"I'm- I couldn't. I couldn't tell you. Thought you'd say no... I was too much of a coward. And then- the whole thing with my stepdad happened...Ma told me she was remarrying and I just- I just left- and left you, and her, and he got her and hurt her and I didn't even- I didn't even say goodbye to her I-", he chokes up, lowering his head, his eyes closed as he sobs just the slightest bit.

Unsure of what else to do, you squeeze his hand and wipe some stray hair from his face, encouraging him to look at you again.

He carefully opens his eyes, glancing into yours.

"And yesterday, when I came back you just...you welcomed me with open arms and just- you- I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any of your hospitality and all that…I've- Darlin', I'm the absolute worst.", Tears keeps spilling from his eyes as he rambles on.

You let go of his hand just to wrap your arm around his waist and pull him closer.

"I'm gonna have to disagree with that statement, cowboy.", you smile slightly as his expression changed from sad to slightly confused as you glance at his lips for a short moment, before looking back into his eyes.

His gaze flickers from your own lips, to your eyes and then back to your lips.

And as you pull him closer and closer, until your lips meet for a gentle kiss it feels as though time has stopped in its tracks.

His are slightly chapped, taste like all kinds of alcohol and he still reeks of smoke, but right now you couldn't care less as you close your eyes and melt into the kiss.

You can feel Jesse's shoulders relax as his hands roam around your back and up and down your arms.

And when you part he looks just a little more baffled than before. Though there's also a love struck glaze over his eyes.

"Sweetheart, I- I don't think I understand.", He says, almost breathless, a big, dumb grin on his face.

"And I thought that would get my point across just fine.", you giggle, pressing another soft kiss to his cheek.

"After all this time, I don't think there's a single thing in this world that could make me not love you, Jesse.", you confess.

Jesse's eyes widen and he practically tackles you with another kiss. You don't care about the bottles and cans you knock over with your feet as he makes the two of you stumble back on the porch, back down on the swing.

And it doesn't even bother you when the lantern loses its light - if you were afraid of the dark before, right in this moment it simply didn't matter. 

Jesse had you encased in his arms, and by what you could tell, you wouldn't ever have to worry about being alone again.

[quirkdotcom]

The Arrangement //

Shoto Todoroki x Fem! Reader

Part One: The Mall Incident

Part Two

Summary: Your father is a particularly strong pro hero, and owns his own agency, however, he seemingly has picked an opportunity for you to be the tie between his agency, and pro hero Endeavor's agency.

Authors Note:

One; I'm planning this to be a three part fic, my next update hopefully on Friday May 15th ! Let me know if you'd like to be on this specific taglist, or even a taglist for anything I post !

Two; I wanted to have a little fun in this, so I added in an OC of mine! I made the reader attend an unnamed school, where her friends wouldn't be main characters from MHA, and decided to throw in Maiko (my OC) anyways, I hope you enjoy !

"A student from UA? Is father okay? I thought he hated that school?" You had to stop yourself, had you really heard your mother right?

She sighed heavily, shaking her head slightly, "He does, however, your father is willing to look past the fact as long as everything goes according to plan" 

This time, it was your turn to sigh.

This 'plan' was one of you meeting some student, your parents meeting, and at the end of the day, agreeing to a marriage after graduation.

You knew that you really had no choice in the matter, which is why you had never put up a fight about it, but it didn't mean that you were particularly happy about it.

Quietly, you stood up, excusing yourself from the table and your mother, leaving the dainty tea cup where it sat.

"Well, since the meeting with this student will be this weekend, I'm going to go out and buy an outfit for it." You bowed your head slightly before turning and leaving the room.

Now out of sight of your mother, you stretched, stifling a yawn as you made your way to your room, grabbing your phone from your pocket, sending a quick message to your closest friend, asking if she'd accompany you to the mall.

The two of you attended a private academy focused on teaching it's students to not only strengthen their quirks, or accelerate their academics, but also in etiquette and manners. Everything was about being proper and elite.

It was the very same school that your father had transferred to after his time at UA.

You personally didn't quite like it there, at times some students tried to pick on you, or the teachers would reprimand you for even the slightest mistake.

But, just like the marriage arrangement, you had no choice in what school you attended, your father was hellbent on you following his steps, and staying the hell away from UA.

Regardless, you had eventually made some friends, and for the first few years, you scored in the top of your class.

"Oh, (Y/n) while you're out, would you mind picking up a few things for me?" Your mother's voice rang out from behind your door, breaking your train of thoughts.

"Just make me a list, and leave it on the counter!" 

It didn't take long for you to change out of your uniform and into something comfier, or for you to grab your messenger style purse, or to find the list from your mother. With your father gone, there were no distractions or unnecessary lectures.

What took the most time was getting to the mall. You could have driven, but it was nice out, the sky was clear of clouds, and there was a light breeze that flowed through the leaves in the trees.

So, you took to walking. Though, when you got to the mall, your best friend was standing with her arms crossed and a bored look on her face.

"(Y/N)! There you are! I've been waiting for hours!" She gave a dramatic sigh as you walked over.

"Calm down Maiko ! " you chuckled, she was almost always over dramatic, something that had drawn you to her in the first place.

She gave you a playful wink, and nodded her head to the doors, starting to walk inside, "Whatever, we both know that I can't calm down," she paused, giving small jazz hands, "I've got constant anxiety" 

"Ah, the curse of having a third eye quirk," You followed behind, then moved to the side of her. 

"Oh! What's the occasion for today's trip?" Maiko tucked a piece of light brown hair behind her ear, eyeing you as she waited for a response.

You hesitated, she still didn't know about the whole arranged marriage, and it had been about a month since you had found out.

"Oh...my family and I are meeting another family for some business thing, so I needed to get a new outfit in case they have a son or daughter our age, " You spouted off a lie, knowing that she'd fall for it, only because she trusted you.

"Ooooh another potential merger for your dad's hero agency?" 

You nodded, pausing as your stomach gave a quiet rumble. 

Despite the lunch you were having with your mother earlier, you didn't really eat. 

"Hey, let's get something to eat first," You point to the nearest food outlet.

Before you know it, Maiko and you are each tossing fries to the other, both failing to catch most in your mouth, but you are having a good time regardless.

Once out of fries, you and her are left with your milkshakes, hers chocolate, and your's strawberry. Something kind of impulsive as you haven't had one strawberry flavored in a few years.

"Hey, I think we could probably take these with us to go look for an outfit," Maiko picks hers up, already a third of it gone.

With a nod, you stand up, grabbing your shake and bag, waiting for Maiko before heading off to your favorite store.

"Hey what about this?" She held up a pleated, light blue skirt, it would stop just above your knees, and complimented you very well, "It even has real pockets!"

"And I could wear it with this shirt...and maybe the jean jacket we found earlier?" You smiled happily, holding up a plain white t-shirt, a small v neck cut, nothing too extreme but not too plain.

Your friend placed the skirt into your basket, and you followed suit with the shirt. All that was needed now, would be to grab the jean jacket from earlier.

However, as you turned, you ran into a...hard surface and along with you, came your half finished milkshake.

You stumbled back, eyes wide as you realized what had just happened.

"Oh my gosh, I am so-"

But the male cut you off, his voice monotone as he did, "Save it, just move out of the way, I need to clean my shirt," 

You quietly moved to the side, watching as the moody stranger walked away, leaving you and Maiko to recover.

He had red hair...well only half of his hair was red, and the other half was white, leaving you to wonder how much hair dye it had taken to get it to look so perfect. 

"Well...I wish I could've helped you see that coming...but uh..I got the jacket?" She smiled sheepishly, causing you to let out a nervous laugh, releasing the tension you didn't know you had.

"Okay, cmon lets go pay!" You turned, still reeling from the encounter with that guy..but hey, at least you wouldn't be seeing him again! 

So, with that thought in mind, Maiko and yourself brought your chosen outfit to the front counters, paid and left the store.

"Hey, are you doing anything tonight?" You turned to Maiko after some five minutes, a thought in the back of your mind, nagging at you since you had left the house to meet her. 

"I don't think so! Why, is your mom cooking tonight? Anything she makes is always better than your dads...or yours," she poked her tongue out at you.

"Wha?! Hey! Im not that bad of a cook!" You pouted and crossed your arms, turning away from her, "Well I did have something to tell you but now its not happening," 

She immediately moved in front of you, "Wait no! Your cooking is good! Just tell me the news!" 

"It'll have to wait for my house, it's kind of big news…"

And with that, the two of you set off for your house, Maiko calling her mom and letting her know where she'd be for the night. 

The walk was spent talking about anything and everything, and at one point Maiko tripping and you having to catch her, but hey, that's what friends are for. 

As you approached your house, you spotted your fathers car in the driveway, causing you to screw your face up in dread. 

Hopefully he didn't have a lecture for you, especially if Maiko was here. You had always hated how he seemed to pick on you whenever your friends were over.

And much to your dismay, when you walked inside he met you with a sour look, "(Y/n), where have you been? Don't forget about this weekend's meeting, not to mention the exams coming up," 

You bit back a response about how the exams were two months away, and instead just nodded your head, busying yourself with slipping your shoes off, "I was buying a new outfit for our meeting. I told mother before I left."

He paused, now eyeing you and Maiko, "And came home with...Fujino was it?" 

She nodded, even though she practically lived at your house for a week at a time due to the amount of sleep overs you had, your father had barely bothered to remember her name. 

"Im sorry for not telling you ahead of time, Sir." She bowed her head slightly, only really apologizing because she knew that if she didn't, it would come down on you. 

"Make your way to (Y/n)'s room, I still need to have a few words with her," he commanded, waiting for her to go up the stairs before he continued.

"And (Y/n), do not forget how important this marriage arrangement is. The Todoroki family is powerful, Endeavor is rising in his ranks as a hero, and his son will follow suit. You have to make sure that you are seen as exemplary, no mistakes can be made. Do you understand?" 

You paused, heart hanging heavy, "Yes father…" 

Once he let you go, you made your way to the top of the stairs, seeing that Maiko was waiting for you, a worried look in her eyes, "So...a marriage proposal?" 

"Welcome to the news I had for you…" 

You two moved into your room, the bag of clothes dropped onto the floor, and you climbed onto your bed, grabbing an orange bunny plush, hugging it to your chest.

"Okay so I wanted to tell you about the arrangement but...I dunno, its hard. I'm having my choice taken away from me and for what? So my father and this other hero to have a more powerful agency?" 

"(Y/n)...im so sorry that you've been going through this alone. I'm here for you, whatever you need!" She moved to a swinging chair you had, sitting in it carefully as she thought for a moment, "So, you've never met this guy or his family?" 

"At most I know his family name. But Im too busy focusing on school work to pay attention to how his father is "So high up the ranks" or whatever. Its like my father thinks that this 'Endeavor' guy is the number two pro hero or something…" You puffed out a breath of air, pursing your lips as you thought quietly. 

Maiko stared at you for a few minutes, blinking a few times as she tried to break the news to you. 

"Uhh..Endeavor...as in Enji Todoroki?" 

You looked up, nodding quietly at her puzzled look. 

"(Y/n) he is the number two hero...or wait..if All Might retired a few years back... then number one actually!" She hummed as she herself started to think but eventually shook her head, eyes widening. 

Maiko quickly pulled out her phone, typing hurriedly into it and gasping, "(Y/n) wait! His son goes to UA! His son is reportedly one of the Big Three of his class!" She stopped, scrolling, "uh oh…" 

At this, you scrambled from your spot to her, pulling the phone from her hand to look at what the cause of this 'uh oh' was. 

It was a picture.  A picture of Endeavour's son. He had red and white hair, and a glare so deadly it probably would kill someone on sight. 

But what got you more was the fact that this was the guy from the mall earlier.  You had totally spilled a strawberry shake all over the number one hero's son, and the guy who you would be marrying after graduation. 

"This is...this is fucked. Im so screwed! Not only did I embarrass myself but now I've probably made it seem like im a clumsy girl who likes to shop all the time and now this...Todoroki guy is going to tell his father about me and then it'll ruin the arrangement and my father will kill me." You spouted off more worries until Maiko grabbed your shoulders, shaking you lightly.

"Hey! We aren't planning your funeral yet! Maybe we can meet up with him before you have to meet with his dad! I think I know one of the students at UA!" 

You looked to her, your breathing returning to normal as you nodded along, maybe that could work after all.

"Okay so, we ask whoever you know to get his number and text him about how it was me who spilled the drink and I wanted to apologize...and that Im also the girl he's meeting this weekend!" 

Maiko punched her fist into the palm of her hand, "Okay, lets set this plan into action! I'll text Kirishima!" 

You eyed her, realizing that you had never questioned how she knew anyone at UA, "While you do that, mind explaining to me about whoever this Kirishima is?" 

She only smiled for a moment, putting her phone down after sending him a message about Todoroki, "Oh! He and I work in the same coffee shop! Not everyone is super rich you know, but he's pretty nice guy, kinda cute too. But, you know how my mom is. Im surprised that she let me be friends with you, I swear, she's scared of anyone!" 

You gave a 'Mhhm' to her, knowing full and well that this was the coworker who she tended to talk about but never named, knowing that you'd probably show up to her work to try and get more information.  But hey, you'd leave it at that for now. 

"Well...I guess that now we wait for Kirishima to hopefully send us Todoroki's number?' 

"Now we wait! And with our good luck, by Wednesday we can smoothen out what happened at the mall…" 

You nodded once, as much as this plan seemed rickety, you were willing to take the chance. While you hated the idea of a marriage to whoever this young hero may be, you know that if you messed it up, your father would never let you live it down. 

[spicycreativity]

A Place Where I Can Breathe - Ch 1

Chapter: 1/7 Rating: T (for language) Content Warnings: Canon-typical Remus behavior. This chapter only: "delusional" used as an insult Characters: All Pairings: N/A Additional Tags: Canon divergence, post-AA, retcon (name reveals, outfits, etc), all characters sympathetic, misunderstandings, Virgil is trying his best, Dark Sides are friends dammit, gratuitous references to Cats the Musical Summary: After Virgil is accepted by the Light Sides, he hopes to use his newfound position to bring Janus and Remus up with him. Hurt by his perceived betrayal, they push him away before he even has the chance to try. Virgil does his best to adjust to life without his oldest friends, but misunderstandings abound, and he soon finds himself going behind the Light Sides' backs in attempt to keep them safe from what he fears is a wicked revenge plot orchestrated by Janus.

It was hard to breathe in the basement. The air was heavy, thick with tension, and Virgil’s breaths came in uneven gasps and shallow paroxysms that made his lungs ache. He sat, paralyzed, on the couch with his legs drawn up to his chest, his eyes glued to his phone.

Janus’ snide congratulation still echoed in his head, the way his voice had dripped with jealousy: “Congratulations on your newfound acceptance, Virgil. You earned it.”

Virgil resented the way Janus’ words had implied that his decision to duck out had been nothing more than a successful attempt at manipulating the ‘Light’ Sides, as they called themselves, when they both very well knew that Virgil’s actions had been in earnest. Virgil’s unhappiness with his role had always been a point of contention between them. It wasn’t just about having his voice heard, no matter how hard Janus tried to pretend that was it; Virgil had grown to genuinely care for Roman, Logan, and Patton, and he wanted to spend time with them that didn’t involve antagonizing and scaring them.

Of course, Remus found that nearly intolerable, but he was far more direct than Janus could ever be. He teased Virgil and demanded assurances that Remus was his favorite Creativity and always would be, and Virgil gladly gave him what he wanted. But lately, the teasing had grown more intense and less enjoyable, and Janus’ remarks grew more cutting and bitter with every additional hour that Virgil spent upstairs. He had taken to avoiding the topic altogether in the hopes of somehow skating past the unpleasantness, hoping that Remus and Janus would eventually get used to Virgil’s new habits.

The sound of knocking pierced the silence and kicked Virgil’s pulse into overdrive. He was in motion before he even registered what was happening, vaulting off the couch toward the stairs. His mind caught up with his body just before his hand touched the doorknob and he made a concentrated effort to calm himself down. Three semi-deep breaths. One hand smoothing down his hair. Then he opened the door.

On the other side stood Logan, wearing his usual neutral expression. Earlier in their relationship, Virgil had mistaken it for perpetual boredom, but he knew better now. Logan was always thinking, and spared little energy on social graces.

“Hello, Virgil,” he said, nodding shortly. No trace of eyeshadow lingered on his face, but Virgil couldn’t help the guilt that twisted in his stomach at the memory. Maybe Logan was here to end their friendship.

“Hey, Logan.” Virgil glanced over his shoulder in case Janus or Remus had come to interfere. He saw no sign of either of them, but that only meant that they weren’t going to meddle. It certainly didn’t mean they weren’t listening. “You good?”

Logan paused before answering, thinking back to his flashcards. “Yes, Virgil. I’m gucci.” Virgil clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter and Logan continued, unperturbed, “I’m here to invite you to dinner.”

“Really?” Virgil asked,

“Yes. Is that surprising?”

“Unexpected,” Virgil said, unsure if he was agreeing or disagreeing. “Now?”

“Yes. Unless you have something you need to attend to.”

Virgil spared one last glance over his shoulder. It wasn’t like he was planning on eating with Janus and Remus tonight anyway; Janus was totally-not-sulking and Remus was… Well, Virgil didn’t know the details, but the bangs and the haunted-house shrieks emanating from Remus’ room indicated that he was definitely unavailable. “Now’s fine.”

“Excellent.” Logan smiled at Virgil. “Shall we?”

Virgil nodded and followed Logan into the living room, letting the door slam shut behind him.

While the living room and the kitchen were technically common areas, Virgil hadn’t spent much time in either of them. The basement had a kitchenette, a TV, and a couch, and all its inhabitants vastly preferred that over the idea of a strained ceasefire with the Lights. Of the three of them, only Virgil had been able to let go of his resentment and insert himself into the Lights’ regular meetings on Thomas’ conduct and decisions. Still, he didn’t exactly feel at ease as he crossed the threshold into the kitchen.

Patton’s joyous salutations and Roman’s begrudging regards were enough to pull Virgil out of his own head. He let Roman pull up a chair for him and nodded hesitantly when Patton offered to serve him.

He heaped an unreasonable amount of tuna casserole on Virgil’s plate and beamed at him. “So, uh Anxiety.” His smile wavered a bit. “We just wanted to apologize again for being so…”

“Put off by your off-putting demeanor,” Roman supplied before he could stop himself. Everyone looked at him and he almost doubled down before catching himself. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Go on, Patton.”

“Well, for being so harsh,” Patton said. “We didn’t realize how important you were to Thomas’ functioning.”

“I did,” Logan said under his breath. Roman flicked a pea at him.

Patton only had eyes for Virgil. “Um, anyway, we’re sorry. We value you a lot and we’d absolutely love it if you spent more time with us!”

Virgil nodded, thinking about the display of monitors and VHS tapes in his room. Much like the others, his mere presence was usually enough to keep Thomas on track, but sometimes he utilized the cameras to allow him to focus on specific aspects of Thomas’ surroundings to keep an eye out for danger. And sometimes , when he was feeling bored or unheard, he would pop “ Cringe Compilation: 7th Grade Edition” into his VHS player. They all had power focuses that linked inherently to their function, allowing them to magnify it as necessary. But when the Lights felt that Virgil’s function was impeding their own to an unacceptable degree, they would push back, and Virgil’s monitors would go black as all the lights dimmed. It was the same for Janus' and Remus' focuses and it hurt . “So does this mean you’re going to stop repressing me?” Virgil asked. The Lights didn't know the extent of the damage they did, and Virgil was determined not to be the one to break the news.

Patton nodded. “We’ll try to help you work through your feelings instead.”

“Wow.” Virgil’s cheeks ached with a smile he was fighting hard to suppress. Maybe there was hope for Remus and Janus too. “What about Dec--”

“Anyway!” Patton said, pretending he hadn’t heard Virgil speak. “We were thinking about watching a movie after this! We do weekly movie nights. Do you want to join?”

“Oh, um.” Virgil tapped the nail of his middle finger against the pad of his thumb. He wanted to push for acceptance for Janus and Remus, but what if that made Patton and the others angry? What if they kicked him out? Then he would be right back to square one. Maybe if he played it smart , if he was patient and good, then he could help his friends out too. “Sure, that sounds great.”

“Yay!” Patton clapped his hands. “We already decided to watch Anastasia tonight, but we should let you pick the next one!”

Logan launched into an explanation of the historical context of Anastasia, punctuated by the occasional interruption from Roman. Virgil was content enough to sit back and listen to the bickering, interjecting every now and again to take Roman down a peg.

--

When it came time to say goodnight, Roman cornered Virgil in front of the basement door wearing an unusually serious expression.

“I need to talk to you.”

Virgil leaned against the wall, taking pains to sound more nonchalant than he felt. “Gee, Princey, I’d have thought you’d be better at love confessions.”

“Oh, spare me,” Roman said, sticking out his tongue. “This is important.”

“Well, don’t keep me waiting.”

“Patton wants you to move upstairs.”

“Oh,” Virgil said, taken aback. “ Oh.” He swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. “I-- Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I know Patton won’t,” Roman said, impatient. Virgil hooked his thumbnail under one of his canine teeth and bit down, thinking. He wasn’t sure how to say no without stepping out of line. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to say no. Roman continued, “And I… Well, I--” he ran hand through his hair-- “I see your value now.”

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” Virgil sneered, hoping that Roman would pick up on his teasing.

But to Virgil’s surprise, Roman blushed. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. I think you’re pretty alright, Anxiety. I want you to move upstairs, too.”

Virgil took a deep breath, screaming internally all the while. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to leave Janus and Remus, but he didn’t want to turn down Roman’s offer, either. He couldn’t have it both ways. What was the middle ground here? He stared right through Roman, panic wiping his mind blank.

“You do want to, don’t you?” Roman asked. He hated how unsure his voice sounded, even to his own ears. Surely Virgil didn’t enjoy living with that two-faced snake and Remus.

“Of course I do!” Virgil hissed, trying to shout without actually raising his voice.

“Then what’s the problem? Say yes!”

“It’s not that simple!”

“Seems plenty simple to me. We’re extending a hand to you, Anxiety, the least you could do is take it.”

“I need to think about it,” Virgil said. Surely Janus and Remus would understand if he just explained himself. Janus might even approve . It wasn’t as sneaky and duplicitous as Janus’ plans usually were, but Virgil wasn’t Deceit. And he was working with the tools at hand. They had to understand that.

Roman threw his hands up. “Fine. I don’t know what there is to think about, but I suppose overthinking comes naturally to you.” He sighed and shook his head. “I guess that’s it, then. Good night, Anxiety.”

“Night, Roman.” Virgil heaved a sigh of his own and opened the door to the basement. The air was cool and still. Virgil ordinarily found it pleasant, but tonight the chill went bone-deep and made him shudder. He zipped his hoodie as high as it would go and shoved his hands into the pockets. He watched his feet as he descended the stairs and remained so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t even notice Janus and Remus on the couch until Janus cleared his throat.

Both Remus and Janus were glowering. Virgil ducked his head like a guilty teenager, trepidation closing like a fist around his stomach. He knew a trap when he saw one, and the fact that Janus wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it meant that he was well and truly furious.

Virgil sat down in the armchair lateral to the couch and glowered right back. “What?”

“I have to say I’m impressed with you, Virgil,” Janus said in his usual silken drawl, aiming straight for Virgil's heart. “I knew fear was part of your function, but you’ve reached a truly unprecedented level of cowardice.”

Virgil exhaled slowly through his nose. “You don’t mean that.”

“And how can you be so sure? Because friends don’t turn on each other ad libitum?"

“I’m not turning on you!” Virgil insisted. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I have a plan?”

“You told Roman you wanted to move upstairs,” Remus said once he’d unclenched his jaw. They all knew Virgil abhorred lying both morally and from a practical perspective; it made him almost too anxious to function. “You’d choose them over us.”

“They’re listening to me now!” Virgil tried to explain. He could forgive Janus his judgement, forgive Remus his anger even now if they would just listen . It was all a misunderstanding. “They even said they’d leave my cameras alone. Maybe I can get them to do the same for you.” Vigil scratched at the fabric of his jeans. “I thought-- Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same, Janus. I know you would.”

“If I could tolerate the presence of those delusional do-gooders in concentrated doses, maybe so,” Janus said. “With one key difference. Even if I could forgive them for what they did to me, I could never forgive them for what they did to you and Remus. Every smile, every last moment of camaraderie would be. an. artifice.”

“We’re supposed to be family, Virgil,” Remus added. “And now you want to leave us for… what, a chance for a roll in the royal hay with Roman? Patton?”

“So what, you want me to be just as petty and miserable as you two for the rest of my life?” Virgil demanded, heat rising in his chest. “Forget it. I’m trying to do something nice for you, the thing you’ve been fighting for since you got branded as ‘Dark’ Sides. If you can’t recognize that, that’s your own fault. I’m going to bed.” He got up and strode out of the room without another word.

“Traitor!” Remus called after him.

Silence fell. The refrigerator started to hum.

“He’s going to get hurt,” Janus muttered, tapping his knuckles against his bottom lip.

[paceywittergayboatman]

Jess is the Gay Subtext Gilmores Gay Meta

Jess within the Gilmores Gay subtext is Rory’s mirror.  He has a lot in common with Rory: a negligent father who left, a mother who relies emotionally on him or isn't able to deal with her trauma and can't express love in an entirely healthy way, who are both into reading as an escape and a career path, both of there parents get remarried and have another kid and there are also legally cousins. He's also gay in the subtext(link at the bottom for my mini post on that.)

I’m gonna talk about episode 6.8. In which Rory and Jess talk and he essentially awakens something in Rory that brings back a part of herself that she lost. He also meets Logan but that for later on.

In the scene Jess and Rory talk after not seeing each other for awhile:

JESS: Yeah, and I didn't think you'd believe it if I didn't show it to you in person. (takes out a book and give it to her)

RORY: Well, colour me curious. A book. (reading the cover) "'The Subsect'...written by Jess Mariano."

JESS: It's no misprint.

RORY: You wrote a book?

JESS: A short novel.

RORY: You wrote a book?!

JESS: And through a fluke, I got it to these guys that have a small press, and they read it. I don't know if they were high or something, but they decided to publish it.

RORY: You wrote a book.

Subsect sounds a lot like subtext huh? By this time in the show he's already kind of admitted he's gay.(ill put a link at the end of this for that) So he does reflect her.

But then he goes to leave and lo and behold they run into Logan. We already know that Logan is gay given other things(link down at the bottom) So we know all the people in this scene are gay so put that into context makes this make sense. I’m gonna link the clip here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnTsSPKyzG0.  Logan and Jess to put it plainly are eye fucking and Rory looks very umcomfortable:

RORY: No. Hey. When did you get back?

LOGAN: Couple hours ago.

RORY: Oh, I...I thought you were getting back tomorrow.

LOGAN: I thought I'd surprise you, Ace.

RORY: Well, I'm glad you did 'cause you get to meet my old friend, Jess. This is Logan, my boyfriend. Logan, this is Jess. He's in from out of town. (uncomfortable silence) Wow. That sounded so grown-up. We're at the age now where we say things like "in from out of town" and "old friend", 'cause when you're young, all your friends are new, and you have to get old to have old friends. (uncomfortable chuckling from Rory. Logan extends his hand to Jess)

LOGAN: How you doing? (they shake)

JESS: Okay.

RORY: We were just gonna go grab a bite to eat.

LOGAN: Great. Well, how about if we all go together. Is that okay?

JESS: Okay by me.

LOGAN: Good

RORY: All right. Good. We were actually at a loss for where to go, so you actually saved us.

LOGAN: Call me superman. (at Jess) Why don't you follow us.

JESS: Sure. (Logan puts his arm around Rory's shoulders and stears her to the passenger side of his car. Rory is a bit uncomfortable with the gesture)

Two things to note, Rory refers to jess as her friend, and Rory is in the script said to be uncomfortable. Which confirms my earlier theory.

They got to dinner and this shit gets gayer:

GAN: So...what do you do, Jess?

JESS: Oh, this and that.

LOGAN: Describe the "this". Describe the "that".

RORY: He writes.

LOGAN: You write? Impressive. What do you write?

JESS: Nothing important.

RORY: He wrote a book.

LOGAN: Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?

JESS: Wasn't quite that ambitious.

LOGAN: So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?

JESS: You seem very obsessed with length.

LOGAN: I'm just trying to get a picture in my head, that's all.

RORY: It's a short novel.

The use of length is homoerotic. Despite Logan being classist Jess is still flirting with him.

More:

LOGAN: (at Rory) Any good?

RORY: I haven't read it yet.

LOGAN: Yet? Well, at least you'll have one reader. That's something.

JESS: Yeah.

LOGAN: You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of "he said, she said"-'s, and get it published. You got a copy on you?

JESS: No.

LOGAN: You should send me a copy.

JESS: Sure. And where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?

Ok so again the use of dick is very homoerotic. 

Jess is upset of course:

RORY: Jess, wait. (he stops and turns to look at her) Jess, I'm sorry.

JESS: We shouldn't have done this.

RORY: He's just in a bad way lately.

JESS: He's a jerk.

RORY: He was. In there, definitely. I'm so sorry.

JESS: I read that guy the second I saw him. I should have begged off.

RORY: Well, I didn't want you to.

So he read him, implies that Jess know Logan’s gay. He’s figured him out sexuality wise.

Theres more:

JESS: No, no. I mean with you. What's going on with you?

RORY: What do you mean?

JESS: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.

RORY: I don't know.

JESS: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale...why did you drop out of Yale?!

RORY: It's complicated.

JESS: It's not! It's not complicated.

RORY: You don't know.

JESS: This isn't you. This, you going out with this jerk, with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.

RORY: You caught him on a bad night.

JESS: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?

RORY: I don't know. I don't know.

So Jess being her mirror is acknowledged when he says he's knows her better than anyone.

Jess leaves and Rory and Logan fight:

LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I came back early. I really messed things up here.

RORY: Jess wrote a book. He wrote a book, and you mocked him.

LOGAN: I did not mock him.

RORY: He's doing something.

LOGAN: Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.

RORY: I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.

LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: Temporary can turn into forever.

LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmore’s forever.

RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?

Rory is having realization about her life because of what jess said to her. The fights not over yet:

LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink.

RORY: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.

LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (he gets up) Don't pull me into this.

RORY: I didn't say anything about you.

LOGAN: Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no

RORY: It's all we do.

LOGAN: It's not all we do.

RORY: It's all you do.

LOGAN: Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over.

RORY: Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it.

LOGAN: Got a week?

RORY: You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me.

LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want.

RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.

LOGAN: Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options.

Logan is stuck within a heterosexual playboy idea of himself that isn’t him. And so he parties to cope.

RORY: How hard are you fighting it?

LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?

He's not claiming responsibility because he's an asshole, but also he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend because he's gay. He's uncomfortable with Rory relying on him emotionally because he's viewing it as romantic and the gay guy in him doesn't like that. Rory's comment about him fighting is the text is noting his struggle with compulsory heterosexuality. Rory leaves and as we know she does break up with him and jess comments to her bring her back to herself. 

my other links 

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/635171090892783616/doyle-paris-and-logan-and-the-milk-metaphor

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/634824232687255552/yale-gay-subtext-in-gilmore-girls

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/633010606083112960/logan-huntzberger-isnt-just-a-lazy-straight-man

https://jessandroryaregayfightme.tumblr.com/post/632166174651727872/so-its-time-for-another-homosexual-gilmore-girls

https://lupineluke.tumblr.com/post/634255134572036096/wait-but-youre-forgetting-the-most-important-part

[justagayguysworld-blog]

Not sure what you will think of this one, but my mind inhabits the most unusual of places.

It was the last beer and we'd shared it on the way to town for another twelve-pack. I barely knew Antonio. He'd only been there a couple of weeks, but it was the damnedest thing I'd ever seen. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, could talk to a horse the way he did. I thought it was a fluke the first time. Then he did it again and I knew it couldn't be natural.

We had a contract with the state for wild mustang management. It wasn't the easiest job in the world, but I liked the outdoors and it beat hell out of watching my old man slap his third or fourth wife around. Maybe Sheila was the fifth; I'd stopped counting or giving much of a shit by that point. For my purposes at nineteen, it was a godsend they'd hired me and paid my bus fare to Utah. We rounded them up, checked them for diseases, tagged them, sold off the limit, gave them their shots and then trucked them back to the desert.

I'd been at the ranch for maybe three months when he came up one night seemingly outta nowhere and sat next to me at the fire. I greeted him in what little Spanish I knew. "Save it, dude. I speak English." And that was that.

One of the stallions was raising bloody hell in the pen and stirring up the other horses. I stood up to see if I could go quiet him down. Antonio braced a hand on my knee and said as he was standing, "Can I borrow that? Thanks." He took the beer out of my hand, turned it up and walked over to the corral with it in his hand. Sitting the bottle on the post, he hopped the fence, picked the bottle up and walked straight over to the hellraiser.

Just walked inside like he owned the place. He was fixing to get trampled to death near as I could tell, when he grabbed that bad boy by his mane and said something. The horse shook its head side to side. Antonio jerked harder on a handful of hair, the horse quieted down and lowered its head. Then the crazy fuck turned up that bottle, and I swear to God, I saw a mustang down the rest of my beer.

Tossing the bottle over, he walked back to the fence and hopped it again like nothing had happened. Picking up the empty he came back to the campfire and said, "Sorry about that. Can I get you another?"

Stunned, I asked, "What the fuck was that about?"

"Horses can smell fear. And some of them like beer." He walked away leaving me gape-jawed and went to the bunkhouse for another round. When he came back with our longnecks, he twisted the lid off one with his forefinger and thumb. I'd never seen anyone do that either.

Bottle in hand, I asked, "Where you from?"

"Can't say exactly. I tend to move around a lot. Guess you could call me a restless spirit." Bending down, he placed the same hand on my knee again to sit like an old man trying to find his bearings and steady himself. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but the chill of his touch radiated through my jeans to my kneecap.

The hand was just as icy when he extended it. "Antonio. What's your name, cowboy?"

"Jason. Jason Sparks. But most people just call me Rufus or asshole. Seems I'm the low man on the totem pole around here."

He laughed and said, "Not anymore. I just blew into town. I'll be working the night shift."

"Night shift? I wasn't aware we had one."

"Yeah, I'm something of a specialist. These positions can be hard to fill. Not everybody can handle an alcoholic horse with bad dreams."

I literally fell off the log laughing. Struggling to get up, Antonio grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me back to an upright position. Without any real effort on my part, I found my ass firmly planted on the log again. If he was superman, I didn't see where he could be hiding the muscles. We were about the same size and weight from what I could tell. He chuckled and mumbled something about horses not being the only alcoholics in those parts.

"I'll drink to that. Let me get us one more beer and then I guess I'll turn in for the night. Where are you bunking?"

"Next to you if there's room still available at the inn. Larry said to grab any empty bed I could find. And yours kind of looked like a mess when I was stowing my gear. But at least it didn't smell like shit."

Stopping to take a piss I wondered how he knew which bed was mine, but in the quest for brewskis I'd forgotten the question by the time I returned. As if reading the mind I was in the process of losing, he stated very matter-of-factly, "You don't smell like a cowboy or a horse with a drinking problem."

Not knowing exactly how to or if I should reply, I thought a moment and said, "Generally speaking, I don't go around smelling cowboys or their sheets, and I damned sure ain't smelling a horse's breath to see if they've been drinking."

He must've sensed my unease. Clinking his bottle against mine, he offered, "Sorry, I have a really weird nose. It smells the strangest damned things. Guess that's why I'm good with the horses. I smell what they smell."

"Ain't nothing wrong with your nose, Antonio," I blurted out. "You have a real nice nose. Most of these ugly old bastards have had their's broken in so many bar fights, I don't really want to think about it, much less how they smell."

Bumping his shoulder against mine, he clinked his nearly empty bottle to mine and said, "Yeah, I'll take loving over fighting any time I can. Probably why I get along with the horses and avoid divorces.

We had minimal contact after that. Other than rolling over or the occasional fart, I didn't hear much out of him for the next two weeks. Except in my dreams if I'm going to be perfectly damned honest about this. And generally speaking, I didn't have much of a habit dreaming about other men, at least not in that way. But there he was, more than once, pretty damned specifically. If I'd been anyone else, it would've been hard to ignore. Only I'd learned to master any direct concern for my actual feelings, and dick management had never been an issue for me personally.

The crew I was working was out on range management. I'd barely been back to the place long enough to sleep, much less for fireside chitchat. Then Saturday night came, we were going to take a couple days off and there he was. Just like in my damned dreams. I have no reason to lie. It was disconcerting when I saw him sprawled out there next to the fire. Not a care in the world, acting as if he'd grown up right out of the ground on that very spot, he smiled.

Looking me directly in the eye as if he hadn't invaded my dreams, he said casually as a cousin, "Hey Jason Sparks, if you're going to the house, could you grab me another cold one?" It had been a particularly hard week, I was bone-ass tired and his nose still wasn't broken in six different places. Two beers later we were left alone with a raging fire and the feelings I was experiencing that matched that blaze. I really wanted to kick his ass. Antonio had seriously fucked with my head, and he didn't seem to know or at least care.

He got up for the third round. It wasn't my knee he touched that sent icy shivers up my spine this time. It was my thigh. About three inches below the part that separates the men from the boys. Close enough for discomfort, I met his glaze and that fire was dancing in his eyes. His nose still wasn't broken, but the quiet smirk on his face made me seriously think about rearranging it.

Fucker scratched my head as he walked away like I was some kind of damned puppy in love. Brought back another round and said, "These are the last ones, Jason Sparks. Let's polish them off and make a run into town. I'm still thirsty. If you'll drive, I'll buy."

That was the night and I guess the moment that changed or ended my life. Something deep inside me could hear it slowly rumbling. I'd seen it in those dreams. I simply didn't have the power to say no or the least of will to fight him. And we weren't struggling. I guess that was what's so odd about it. Everything in my body and soul knew it was happening, even if my conscious mind was slow in catching up. I wanted him. I'd be the worst kind of liar if I said I didn't. And I knew he knew it.

He took my hand and pulled me up off the ground. I could've just as easily staggered to my feet of my own accord. But he wanted that ice running through my veins clashing with my toasted toes inside those boots. And I felt it. Felt it thoroughly as we climbed in the truck and started the motor. Only once did he touch my body on the way to the store. It was completely casual and anything but innocent as the shivers raced up and down my spine.

He went in and came out. I felt very strange. Almost in an out-of-body floating feeling I drove away into the darkness of the rural night. I still remember. It was as vivid, quiet and unstoppable as a freight train bearing down on the family sedan stalled on the side of the tracks.

"Pull over." I could've kept driving, but the truth was that I'd pulled over two weeks before. "I said pull over, Jason Sparks." He didn't have to ask again. And the truth, as he very well knew, is that I'd been wanting to pull over my whole life. The cab of the truck was full of echoes and whispers as I floated above my body while it and he crawled into the back seat. Voices were everywhere, the engine was running and for the first time in my life I didn't give a damn.

I thought in some delirious way I was about to kiss a boy, but that wasn't it. That wasn't it at all. My feelings, those secreted desires weren't important. We weren't boys. I'd become a man without realizing or acknowledging it, and that brief period of my life was about to end abruptly.

It was brutal. How could I possibly forget when he folded down the lambswool collar of my jacket and sunk his teeth into my flesh? I could've fought him off, but I'd already struggled my whole life to be something different than what I was. Antonio was reconciling my conflicts, meeting my innermost longings and he'd bought the beer.