#so again im not like Bitter(TM) and i dont want to be i just want ppl to not get so caught up with this kind of thing

[ganondoodle]

Regarding Demise: He is an interesting concept, as is the whole eternal cycle, but for that to actually become something worthwhile the games/stories would have to actually DO something with it. So far they are introduced in Skyward Sword and thats it! No other game even references them. And, yes, that cheapens EVERY other game because there is this implication that its all out of the control of the actual characters in the story because of this one asshole that we only ever saw once! Why not have Ganondorf realize that he is possessed/manipulated by this weird old Demon God? How would he react, would he embrace it, would he rebel, would he be broken by the realization that none of his actions were ever *his*? I dont even care which of these options they pick, as long as they pick any of it and do just ANYTHING with the concept.

Or maybe Link or Zelda figures out the Cycle and starts looking into breaking it because endlessly repeating Demon Attacks kinda suck and you dont want that for your descendants.

Or have a game focus on them remembering bits from past lives and having to piece it all together or, again, just ANYTHING!

The closest they ever came to was with BOTW Zelda praying to Hylia, aka HERSELF, to unlock her powers, which is some brutal narrative irony, but not much more.

And regarding the whole Zelda is Hylia thing, I've seen some headcanons about how Skyward Sword Zelda is terrified of herself after learning that, because she now has to assume that everything she did was planned by a version of her that she no longer is. Is Link her friend or is he the useful pawn that Hylia needs to turn into the Hero? Does she even deserve his affection when she probably manipulated him into becoming her champion and fighting, possibly dying for her all her life?

Thats juicy, thats something you can do something with but Nintendo really does like to plan those stories game per game without any care for the larger story.

Which I guess is the Irony of it all. They tried the whole larger connected story/universe thing once: With Skyward Sword. After all that was also the time we got the first Hyrule Historia & "official timeline" as well as "How it all began" in the game itself.

It felt like the start of a new era for Zelda games and stories and then it just... wasn't.

And while I get that they want to focus on gameplay over story, I will never stop mourning the stories we could get/have gotten, if they put a bit more thought into things.

I actually feel like its harder to make the 'cycle' into an interesting plot point when its a .. divine thing that happens, and not perpetuated by the people (though not impossible, given how the series is build up it would need alot of work to not make it worse still..)-

i actually cannot stand the idea that ganondorf is possessed or manipulated, made eviler by demise somehow (demise is dead, leave him beeeeee hes not some evil master mind behind anything aaaaah) bc it STILL takes away ganondorfs agency and character and gives right into the whole hes basically born evil and just pushes the fault tm onto someone else it in turn legitimizes that the kingdom of hyrule and its high rule (heehoo) is right and if only gan wasnt manipulated hed be good tm, aka allied with the goodest guys, hed gladly accept their invitation and join their holy empire of goodness tm if wasnt for da demon

(and i love to say, who decides what is good tm and evil tm? bc hyrules monarchs making every other tribe their subordinate and persecuting shiekah for example isnt what id call good but its fine bc the good holy guys did it in the name of "peace" -what is their idea of peace? everyones under their rule and must worship their god? uh oh- and resistance to it is gonna get you labelled as evil!! (unless you join their holy kingdom and become their vassal of GOOD) what good and evil boils down to in zelda is .. being allied/ruled by the kingdom of hyrule and being opposed to them, even if its only not wanting to be subjugated by them)

i can see the appeal to some degree, but i dont like the idea of ganondorf even being able to be manipulated or possessed, what makes his character, before it got flattened into well he just be demon in the eyes of the average fandom, interesting is his unbreakable will, that drive to keep on living and resisting those that want him dead, its poetic and sad, to the point that (until totk ...) it was really just ONE ganondorf that refused to die and came back over and over (also something i found a compelling thought for botw, that after all this time theres nothing left BUT his will to resist, its a tragic idea that rly spoke to me)

my personal idea of the cycle is that its only a cycle bc they, the kingdom of hyrule and their belief system, keep it going, its not a divine thing that needs to be broken (though the divine surely messes with it, just for the bit i guess) but something that keeps repeating bc hyrule is so soaked into the idea that their princess once was a god and hers is the right to rule it all in light- so anyone who doesnt agree must be of the demons from the darkness seeking to destroy the world, and what means the 'world' could just mean the kingdom of hyrule- in botw even with the calamity people went on and lived, same in windwaker, they dont need the holy kingdom to live- (who is to say the 'monsters' are bad for the land, to me they mostly looked like well adapted territorial beasts, and the bokblins etc clearly arent mindless monsters either, why do they need to be eradicated? they attack you? ok dont go into their territory, or defend yourself, you dont need to exterminate something just bc it could be a threat at some point)

(i do agree that conflict with zelda being interesting but uuuh .. well they never did anythign with that huh)

in the end, demise was just a throw away villain, and if i may get my tin foil hat back here, i feel like the whole creation myth skyward sword does was really just a way for them to get out of the predicament of having to consider a villain to be treated like a person to save themselves from having to think about what they imply and can just go, well this is the evil demons, this is the good gods- ironically enough the attempt to get out of having to consider complicated writing it ends up reversing straight back into the WORST of kinds of implications .. that arent even subtext anymore, if totk is anythign to go by, the most 'simple' or 'easy' narrative to go for might not be actually simple, just a so often retold one that it appears simple if not made aware of its dark maw, the status quo repeated ad nauseam

(and if i may, the whole gameplay over story thing is bs in my eyes, that sounds like the typical attempt of dismissing any critique, just like the stupid, and frankly, offensive "its just for kids" argument, story and gameplay are inherently intertwined, the story influences the gameplay, the gameplay influences the story, especially in a series like zelda that is a futile thing to go for and a reason why the stories themselves lack depth, how are you gonna have an epic adventure that drives you to get through any amount of puzzles and battles if there is no story to motivate you, at this point it feels like the series has set itself up for catastrophic failure bc i imagine, people might just keep buying and playing the games bc its attached to the series, bc they hope to see characters they loved return, new ones that will grab their attention, perhaps be taken away by a world that meant alot to them once before, hope that there will be something exciting-

i am not saying the series has no value or doesnt do anything well (hello who am i) but how many times can you repeat 'this guy good he fight evil guy he get the pretty princess as reward' without any interesting twists or narrative, even the most beloved characters can only keep it passable for so long, even the best gameplay loses its potential if its surrounded by cardboard characters and a story so "simple" as offensive it fits into a single page, i often wonder how a game would be seen if it wasnt titled -the legend of zelda- ..

it hurts especially when looking at its long history, how much estblished thigns it could exploit and expand, the potential the series has is still immense, it hurts to see it be wasted over and over :(

[regret-breathing]

i think…. palisade might be cooked. i dont think its gonna reach another satisfying height like it did in the combustor arc. i think all their major plot threads are exhausting rn, and unless the season pivots hard into being about Just Brnine And Thisbe idk how we’re getting out of the figureecclecticcori boredom spiral. maybe im just too full of bitterness and vile rotted ichor to enjoy things but istg if i have to suffer one too many more long figureinwhoevertf scenes imma go postal. i was so ready to love eclectic but hes just the same joke over and over again. i love cori but like shit or get off the pot. i genuinely think the high turnaround rate of characters in partizan/palisade has robbed us of meaningful character development from half of the table, and while the streamlined smaller main party thing is good for episode flow, and the faction turn is amazing every single episode because the three of them are so in sync, even that side of things has lost some luster now that the season is running out of steam, and with less people in the main part of the story it’s losing a lot of the depth previous seasons achieved by increasing the number of compelling characters in the story substantially.

it went from being a season laser focused on one feeling —twisting the knife into the sunset hued safety of the twlight mirage, making you feel the danger by not just putting the fan favorite quire system under threat narratively, but by using foundational reference points for the tone of s4 as punching bags (i still hurt a little every time i think about the fact that jdq used the name Sage Elsesser how they did, for example), actively using the audience’s love for TM against us, making that threat personal as well as narrative, and then ratcheting up the tension until it pops— to a sort of messy mishmash of unconnected dots, forgotten plot threads, and admittedly still amazing poetry. the pressure built until it exploded, or rather in this case climactically didnt explode, and now it feels like all that momentum has nowhere to go.

i want to love all the characters theyve introduced, i want to give a shit about their stories, i want to find my heart bouncing when cori and her rival are in a room together, but it’s just not there for me how it was before the two hit punch of the combustor and the princept. so im stuck holding onto the things i do still have appreciation for as they all slowly slip out of my grasp. and the odd thing to me is, its not in the way i was expecting to be. i thought this season would be a story of pruning twigs off my heart as more of the mirage slipped away or changed so irrevocably as to be unrecognizable, as i clung tighter to what it was until my grip cracked it. but instead im watching motivation slip through the cracks of my fingers like water as the inertia slows to a crawl and i try frantically to close the gaps and find a way to make my flesh a bowl. its all just slipping away and i dont know what to do with that.

[autisticstarseed]

hey ik stranger things season 2 came out like over a week ago but since i havent seen much talk about this, Huge trigger warning for the introduction of a new child character with an extremely abusive family situation. some of the scenes with her and her brother are pretty violent and explicit. im really not trying guilt trip anyone this is just a psa but Warnings are not spoilers, this info is important and i really would have liked some kind of heads up before getting this far in. pls be safe guys

[zontiky]

au where lila is adopted imto the umbrella academy

*rubs my gay little hands together* heehee hoohoo

first off im gonna say sorry diego :/ 

KJRWKESFDHK JOKING IM JOKING SORRY

so lila grows up to be less of a manipulative shit bc she doesnt need it to survive or gain love from her parent

no thats not right

she receives real/”real” love from grace and reggie doesnt even pretend to give them love so unlike the handler who used love as leverage

so while lila is still cunning and sly and shit she also doesn’t try so hard to manipulate the hargreeves, bc, theyre her family

controversial take but i think lila and five would be close

this take is also hilarious but maybe only to me

both of them are good at getting things done and getting their way and also maybe it has smth to do with lila really liking how fives powers work?

it would really hit her hard when five leaves. bc that was her friend right there. maybe she and ben and/or vanya form a bond based on being bitter five left them behind

lila and ben would be a good friendship i would like to see it

six seven eight hanging out... hhh

OOOH MAYBE VANYA WOULD BE 8? because she’s powerless now? no no the number system existed before their powers came in nvm

its arbitrary so w/e lila’s #8 kjshssd

i think it’d once again be harder to blank slate vanya because,,  lila can use vanyas powers. she knows vanya has powers. maybe im not making any sense but also i just think it’d be nice for vanya to catch a break

maybe when little allie tries to rumour lila into forgetting lila pulls out that uno reverse card

or uno DEFLECT card lmao

but assuming vanya is still powerless, i still think vanya would have a bit of a better upbringing than canon

1) vanya has TWO other girls in the house who hang out with her and do girl things and yay sisters! 2) lila... gets it. her powers are reliant on the other’s powers. without them using their powers first, she basically has nothing. she gets it! vanya may be completely powerless but lila doesn’t have powers unless they’re training or they’re fighting and so vanya and lila would be close too

maybe vanya still gets some training bc of that! because if lila, part-time powerless, trains, and doesn’t use powers for half of battles, maybe vanya, “powerless,” can train and fight too

and i know this isnt a good thing bc like. hellooo child soldiers lmao?? but also vanya would feel like shes more of a part of the family and would have a friend by her side and maybe wouldnt even want to write the book in the first place

but also at the end of s1, when it’s discovered vanya DOES have powers, and they’re the most powerful of them all, actually, maybe lila grows bitter

i mean wouldnt you? the one person who was “less” than you, who you were better than in even the slightest way, is suddenly the baddest bitch around

so that sets up some interesting stuff for s2 haha

maybe ben doesn’t die

with another person on the mission, maybe somebody has his back. maybe ben doesn’t die

that’s assuming ben’s death was accidental tho bc we’ve all seen the death-by-horror-suicide theories

but anyway maybe lila stops ben’s death just by being there and fighting other people so ben has one more person covering him. maybe she’s there and it doesn’t matter and ben dies anyway. idk

if ben dies anyway then i think lila would be Extra Bitter but also really sad

five left her and now ben too? the people she cares most about keep getting torn away from her

and that’s not a good way to think because obviously her other siblings are hurting too, and theyre there with her too, and theyre there to do their best to support her in their own shitty way, and lila cares about them too...

but still. 

also tho lila and diego friendship... this is jumping back up a couple bullets back to before or right after five left

in s2 lila and diego both being in the asylum together would still be funny. lila pulls the bacon out of her sock and diego rolls his eyes and takes it, not even phased, because she’s been doing this for yearsss

ok if five doesnt leave and ben doesn’t die i think they might have a bit of a better life post-academy? but also if five does and ben does then i have no idea what lila would be

maybe she opens a shop

yeah i think that would be nice. lila’s store au JHSFKJHKSD

i think she might follow one of the siblings (diego or vanya) in their career paths bc its been drilled into her from the beginning that shes nothing without someone else to copy

maybe diego bc he still has powers... maybe she’d want to keep at least some powers

but if vanya didnt get suppressed or still got trained at least i think she’d go with vanya because they just do better together and diego is a bootlicker anyway /j but no seriously i get why he chose the police academy but also why not a fucking firefighter bitch?

FIREFIGHTER LILA. I LIKE THAT

maybe vanya plays in the orchestra and lila plays in a band

OK BUT IF BEN DOES DIE. maybe she follows klaus around for a bit because she cant bear to let ben go and when she copies klaus’ powers she can see him... even if just for a bit

that would impact ben’s arc a lot too because he’s not completely alone with only klaus, who is high out of his mind most of the time to keep him company, but also lila too, who i dont think would mess with drugs

so basically lila being added to the mix would mean everyone is just a little less alone i think

maybe luther is also less... mm idk how to put this

maybe he’s disillusioned a bit earlier regarding reggie? because he’s supposed to be #1 and the best but lila can do just what he can too. she can lift cars and throw people from buildings too. so how special is he really?

GOD i love thinking abt this. lila would impact all of their stories, in major or minor ways, and its really cool to explore how that would transpire

i think allison might also be a bit humbler before stepping into marriage in regards to using her powers

because if someone uses her own power on her as she’s growing up i feel like she’d learn that doing that has big consequences faster? maybe she’d still rumour her way into some roles or some classy interviews or just in general use her powers to help her career a bit... but i think with her knowing what its like to be rumoured she wouldn’t use it in personal situations. so maybe she wouldnt rumour claire.

maybe claire doesn’t exist at all bc it’s implied she rumoured patrick into falling in love with her :bonk: or maybe she still married patrick but later on because their relationship needs to develop first

oh also maybe pogo would be less of a BITCH in s1 because lila is persuasive tm 

yeah um thats all ive got alsfkds

THIS IS A FUN GOOD AU. i hope u like my Thoughts

[notedchampagne]

Please explain the gay trifecta I love it and need to know more

okay so first of all the similarities that combine dirk vriska and catra under the same umbrella is that all of them are deeply complex morally gray characters that have sparked discourse about how “good” they are under at least one point in time. also theyre all gay and self loathing

but now for the distinctions which tbh are more (five bc its my fave number) bullet points but anyway*:

vriska- 1) hates herself but masks it up with so much ego and pride its really hard to find the line of where one begins and where one ends, so much that vriska believes it herself too 1b) wants to be recognized as the Best TM. like thats it 2) pushes her abilities to their extent for the purpose of being the best version of herself as she can be (alt. to mimic her ancestor but mostly for her own full potential) and also to prove herself right 3) will ALWAYS believe shes right. if you think she isnt right shell kill you 4) is mean because she has to have a vaccine for being nice before she even says something not mean. its a part of her charm 5) chaotic disaster gay

catra- 1) loves herself the most out of the three, but she still hates herself not bc of her identity but mostly bc shes not being appreciated/respected for what she can to for her potential. also bc she feels like shes never good enough and wants to prove that bit wrong 1b) she wants to be/ be recognized as someone who deserves something, whether it be love or power she wants to earn it 2) pushes her abilities because to their extent of proving she can do anything. she wants to prove you wrong and to prove herself right 3) will believe shes right but will prove it to you by fighting or threatening you 4) is mean because she has trust and separation issues and also because shes a little >:3c fiesty. were only 2 seasons in but i know this deep down in my bones so fight me 5) disaster chaotic gay (this is different from chaotic disaster gay)

dirk- 1) hates himself with a bitter passion to the point that his introspective points and reflections are more just self loathing 1b) wants to be/ be recognized as like, a decent guy deserving of love and not the scum of the earth 2) pushes his abilities to their extent for the purpose of him being just completely stupid. i mean theres something about ultimate self in there but really its so polluted with his loathing and a bunch of other meta that im really not the best to tune up on but tldr hes dumb and doesnt think before he does things 3) always thinks hes right until somebody slaps him upside the head and the he goes into a pit of “ive made every mistake ever and im always so so so wrong” until somehow he gets over it and the cycle begins again 4) doesnt know hes being mean until the damage has been done 5) disaster gay

*disclaimer please dont come to me with discourse/corrections ive only sipped a little bit of the dirk and vriska tea and chugged like 10 gallons of respect catra juice this is funsies. just for funsies

edit: I ALMOST FORGOT. if you want to find out where you lean on the scale listen to oh no! by marina and the diamonds. if you feel sad and remorseful youre dirk leaning, if you feel powerful and full of hubris youre vriska leaning, and if you feel like you wanna clock somebody and prove your worth no matter what youre catra leaning

[vicsep7250]

@ren-amamiyaa and their (he/she?) Golden Heist, Thief Nanako and Cryptid Chaser aus flooded my brain and now Im making this post bc I cant fit all of this in asks!!!

All right, so, idea. Cryptid Chasers, Thief Nanako and Golden Heist are all connected righr???

CC acts as a prequel, TN becomes the inbetween starring Nanako and Akechi, and GH stars a broken and older IT and slightly jaded PT.

So far CC has Yosuke and Naoto forming the brotp that fanon wanted through silly Saturday Night Ghost Chasers Shenanigans, Akiren is bein' a lil shit at midnight bc he needs an outlet and exercise to Phantom Thief. While this goes on, Akechi's ghost/spirit/rement/heart/whatever pulls pranks and shenans along with Joker (hiwever that happens).

As the Cryptid Chasers keep going out of their way to confront Joker about Arsene (bc even he likes to mess around) the other IT in Inaba start to try and stop them from disrupting the peace (read : harassing a known criminal) and this somehow leads to a falling out. Mayhaps Naoto and Yosuke break a few laws and Chie busts them, Kanji wants to know why theyre stalking his student/protege, and Yukiko just wants to keep the rumors about the inn in check bc jfc Yosuke STOP SCREECHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE LOBBY THERE IS NO GHOST ON THE TV!

Maybe eventually they call it quits or dont bc Naoto dug this hole too deep to climb out themself and Yosuke is having the time of his life since Partner isnt around and hasn't come back to visit yet (Not sayin' souyo is canon and there but-). And the Cryptid Chasers arc probably ends here with there being some animosity towards their shenanigans , but the IT are all still friends.

Now fast forward to like, uhhh (*flings dart at wall of calendars*) 2014 during winter and Akiren's cryptid acts are now fully accepted and maybe exposed, who knows. Nanako is like 10 ~ 12 (P5 is maybe three/five years post P4 I believe) and is just going through the motions of public education. I.E. go to class, do work, get good grades. Dojima is still the same as he was before Yu came but is at least doing better at being a dad, not much but better. Yosuke and Ted aren't around as much bc Junes, Chie is transferred to Tokyo, Yukiko is busy managing the Inn, and Kanji is busy with work (as a teacher and crafts business owner). Rise unfortunately cant come visit and Big Bro now visits every other year.

Nanako starts to look back and wonder how things started to fall apart amongst the group and recalls that "delinquent" who came back at the same time the Cryptid^tm showed up and ruined the group. So now she starts to remember the good times when Big Bro came by and starts to notice some blanks around winter... Why was she in the hospital when she got kidnapled? Why does she remember these weird flashes of Big Bro and his friends and some monster?? And how come she tried to ask them anything about it they brushed her off each time???

The TV in her room flashes and soon she starts hearing things. She starts to move closer to the tv, as if she was in some sort of trance, as the sounds start to become voices to her. When she's directly infront of the screen she sees something... someone on it...

Nanako doesnt show up for breakast, or to school, and nobody seems to have seen her.

A full year passes on after that day. It starts off with a big search party of the IT and Social Links for the first two months, then after ankther three something stange happens... are people forgetting that Nanako existed or something? Everybody's starting to act like completely different peoplw than who they are too, some even end up hospitalozed due to severe headaches and such, and start claiming that Nanako was never around when she vanished or that she left Inaba or was already deamed dead or missing. This rings alarms in the IT's mimds as they search for answers, eventually all fully reuniting for the first time in years/months.

Naoto and Yosuke blame themselves bc they piece together her disappearance with the Cryptid + Ghost case and immediately get scolded for trying to pin their stupid kids game on a missing person's case - especially now with Nanako missing and possibly in danger again! Afterwards the IT are a bit on edge and a bit broken with the whole thing. Meanwhile Akechi can hear the tale ends of "missing person" and "literal disappearnace" and starts looking into this weird limbo metaverse he's in bc some shit is kinda fucked in here now for some reason. They're pretty much only together as a team to rescue Nanako.

GH in the PTs POV starts when Akiren invites the group to the Amagi Inn thanks to licrative money grin- I mean training. He comes clean into having seen something weird on the tv one late night and wants to let the gang know.

Midnight rolls around and Akechi shows up on the screen and the Thieves losing their shit is an understatement - numerous noise complaints were filed that night. Anyways Akechi decides to just play the role of "hey moron, some shits fucked come help fix it" and ends up informing them of a missing girl and this weird TV Mementos world he is in.

I would like to note that Akechi is not at all bitter or confused at everyone's circumstances in life, no of course not Joker stop crying I know its been a while but shutup theres a kid in trouble rn and youre the only ones who can possibly help her.

When the PT figure out a plan to reach this other world Goro is in (Arsene : THOUARTTHEESTICKYOURHANDINTHETVDOITDOITDOITDOIT) the IT eventually come to the very sad conclusion that Nanako moght be in the TV world and that opens a whole can of worms and burnable bridges to cross.

While in the TV world, I'd like to imagine that due to Akechi having been there for a good while it has been shaped to reflect his heart and be the new overall theme of that world. It all still looks like Inaba, but it all holds themes to Akechi and his no good terrible life. However due to Nanako having been in that world as a kid, and now for an uncertain amount of time, the world now holds motifs to the Heaven area from P4, but it's all sorta ruined and kinda darker.

When both teams get together and enter the weird Tele-Mentos world (IT in a Junes storage and PT at either Ren's pad [bc he moved out obvi] (OR bith teams enter from seperate TVs at the Inn so SHENANS!)) Yu and the IT go through Akechi's influenced world/TV Palace, finding out about his tragic backstory and involvement with the PT, but anything that can and could reveal their true identities is blurred and staticy or missing bc Akechi aint gonna snitch out who ruined his sperm donors life (also I guess saved the world too yeah). While going through the Palace the Team starts to think that finding Goro will just be an "if it happens" sort of deal bc he's been missing for years already, what if we just leave him here bc M U R D E R E R.

Cue a sudden appearance by someone in some sort of fallen angel garb who starts whipping out a full on Metal Gear Villain monologue about how hypocritical the IT are when they find the truth about Akechi's life and disappearance - they claimed to want to live in a world where no one hides in the fig, was that all a lie? Are they going back on their word, and hiding behind a shriud of lies and falsehoods once more? "You've gone and lied and hidden the truth already, what's to say you won't continue?"

Meanwhile Akiren and the Thieves enter at the very top of the Heaven TV Set and have to climb all the way down. As they do so they start seeing little murals or epitaphs about memories and people in this girls life. They see all of these memories of a happy girl who had such a loving family - both found and by blood. As they go further and further down the ruins start to look like an actual Heaven, and the scenary becomes more bright and colorful. Eventually they might run into Crow in his Black Mask clothes and give the bastard a slug on the arm and a group hug or two, bc man he doesn't deserve to suffer anymore like this.

Now that the Phantom Thieves have been reunited (Akechi : I can't leave this world The PT : FUCK, MORE PLOT) they end up thinking up ways to get Akechi out until this weird angel priest looking dude shows up and starts babling about how they are criminals and how they've done more bad than good and blah blah blah. Everyone is just all "We're the good guys, we do the right thing even if its morally grey/ambiguous!" and oh look! Another crazed maniac wants to kill us for our "injustice" *Crow has the decency to look away and not say anything* annnnnnd Heaven is locked off. Perfect.

Now maybe the Phantom Thieves and Investigation Team run into each other somewhere in Akechi's Palace and "You have Personas?!?!" "The hell is a Palace?" "YOU'RE THE CRYPTID OF INABA!!?!?" "And Im the 'Ghost' that follows him." "Wait you followed me as a ghost?" "WAIT WHY ARE THERE TWO AKECHIS??!??!!"

Oh yeah, Shadows... Akechi is still kinda in denial about the whole friends and justice thing...

And now the Dark Priest is back great ("Good name Skull" "Well I've got my moments right?").

Annnnnnnd now I have no idea what happens next and Im all burned out but AAAAAAAAA this entire AU crossover thing is so GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!

[uwcvoices]

shoutsout to emhlabeni, shoutsout to Jstor, shoutsout to the past

There are like these parties I go to now

They are not rad/lit/boh/whateverthekidsaresayingthesedays

They are nothing like these memories of Swaziland parties.

Those parties, they were literally magic. They are that warm feeling when you realize you like someone. these parties, They were like the speaker you paid money to get inspired from. They were like crying. They were like seeing an animal in the wild.

theyve got this like juice or power, or poison, or something which just never runs out and each time i go back to that memory its still got juice or power poison energy something to power this trip of a post i am writing

But my dreams- and this I want some audience engagement…-my dreams are 100% taking place in Swaziland… 2 years later. Does this happen to anyone else? I just want my dreams to happen where I am now. People from the NOW they are in SZ, the people from THEN are also in SZ. They kill each other, make love and do whatever else people do in my dreams. The place I am now, its not in my dreams, because not much is happening now. The world now is just like one zombie train where I am succeeding and failing and living life trying to do what quote quote “living” people do. But it all feels like someone put a sepia filter or something on it and the colors I see they are all quote quote again with the quotes “healthy” and I’m doing “great” and all but like things just dont feel real like they did in Swaziland.

But I get what I wish for.

2 years later, I’m still in Swaziland.

I’m going out here in the United States, you wouldn’t, I wouldn’t believe what I’m doing here. I’m trying to live on the edge, I’m doing everything in my power to live on the fucking edge where I see the deep dark edge of the world and realize the lowest you go on the ol’ totem pole aint so fucking bad and hey why don’t i one day drop out of school and whatnot and go like bottom rung the ole totem pole and just be a fucking spongebobu squarepantsu and be happy making my wage and frying patties and playing in the 21st century with liquid crystal displays, virtual realities, designer narcoexperiences and the freakin internet. Not to mention why don’t I Just Have KIDS. Oddly, that’s the me I’d be proud of, that’s the me, I’d show to friends at UWC reunions. The one thats just like ok, doing all right, the one you can talk to like a fucking human being.

There is this other me, the 21st century me, the INSERT NAME HERE (because I redacted), that is doing just what 2 years ago me hoped I’d be doing. this other me, he’s and now I have a gender in case you hadn’t guessed, he’s doing real well, so I’m scared to like tell my friends what I’m up to well, so when I go visit them I just say I’m struggling in college and its hard, though all my “vital signs” if you could do a real investigative bullshit checker show I’m A game, peaking, doing “allright+” that Im doing what we all dreamed we could do in IB.

Those dreams, the dreams we for some reason all decided should be like a communal dream, the ‘team 40, research position, ladeedadeeda, stable, square, moneyinthebank’ maybe we should have had different dreams. Because I’m visiting you and well, I talk and I ask you are things real?

And right now, you say, post IB, IB3,IB4IB5 now maybe? things are getting more real than ever, and I wonder… I just wonder.

Kanye West - Hell of A Life

I could start/end there

I just wish I was living one hell of a life, just once more

just once more, give me

a single room

a hallway of just seven owes (dudes for those not of the 2 readers from SZ who read this blog)

crappy food. Give me give me give me and everyone I know chicken and rice again, just for a while

give me no internet, i love the internet- too much and it feels wrong, i cant even fucking explain what 'not internet’ is like without sounding like one of those cliched 'fuck the grid’ people. you can’t try it, and i cant tell you to try it, you can just know i miss it, i miss it like i’d die young just for a couple more years of real rarity of information

give me real fucking vulnerability where I talk to people because I don’t know what to do

give me real uncertainty, where everything is possible and we can still be UWC mission statement-ers’ and like become famous Time(TM, the magazine)-influential-people for accomplishing UN-millenial-development-goals or whatever the hell it was we wanted to gain by accomplishing the mission statement. But we could also, as we’d seen so many just spin out, let the nerves, the life, the excitement, of it all distract us from what we were “there for” to get an “IB” and go to uni or whatever.

give me a real knock on the door moment,an oh hello moment,a can I just sit here in this tiny room so theres only the bed to sit on so I guess i’ll just sit on your bed and when I do the air pushed out from our cheap UWC™ mattresses creates a smell that is new, new, finding out about dinosaurs for the first time magic, and for some reason its a different smell from my UWC™ bed moment, give me a im just sitting here in this silence watching you work finishing whatever it was you were working on moment, give me a oh sorry about that, just had to finish up some CHEM how’s it going? moment, an im just like shit dude what even is life moment, a lets laugh quietly and you go back to CHEM moment, an I’m relaxed to the interbuddhadimensional realm just by that moment, a you have no idea why i dropped by your room or why im lost in my memories about some drama with someone that’s not you moment

give me hitchiking, with like a smirk on my face knowing my mom would die if she knew what the hell i was doing

give me friends who use me, because im not bitter like I am now or because I haven’t exhausted the ole generosity energies for the rest of my entire fucking life (when will i do community service again?)

give me a sneaking alcohol into hazi moment and drinking it straight sitting on the floor moment, a lets sing to afrohouse remixes of Bruno mars moment,

give me a im so glad im trapped in this place with you moment,

give me a Im going to make a pilgrimage to the one holy shower blessed with hot water moment

give me a seeing people lock their own doors because they just want to study so damn hard moment

give me an ending for christ’s sake

because the Swaziland story still goes on ~~~ UWC Waterford Kamhlaba Alumni

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 2 days went! they were both pretty bad lol

so yesterday my first class was orgo lab. it was better than last week but it still fucking sucked oh my godddddd the actual lab only took everyone maybe 90 minutes but we had to get an nmr for our products and we had to do it one by one and it took 12 minutes per person so even though i tried to take my time doing things really slow to keep myself occupied i still ended up w like 50 minutes of doing nothing! it was so boring 

and then there was the girl who set me up. so we did the nmr in this separate room in the basement and the chairperson for the chem dept was operating the machine. the girl who works at the lab station next to me is named julia and i thought we were friendly acquaintances since we ask each other for help sometimes. so i got down to the room to run my product through the nmr machine and there were a bunch of students there already waiting for their results and stuff and the chairperson was talking to one of them and didnt acknowledge me at all so i was about to go wait for him to finish talking then ask him what to do but julia who had literally just finished putting her thing in the machine came over to me

she was like “oh i can help you set your product up and show you how to put it in!” so i was like “wow thanks!” so she showed me and as i was trying to put it in the machine it wouldnt go in so i was like ????? and then i realized julia literally showed me the completely wrong way to do it!!!!!!!!!! the chairperson came over and he was like “whoa whoa whoa that is not how youre supposed to do it” and then he showed me how to do it correctly. now julia had literally just finished setting hers up so i find it highly unlikely that she made honest mistakes when showing me what to do! i think she did it on purpose to make me look bad. she embarrassed me in front of not only the chairperson but my peers as well and if it was my messy classmates i wouldnt mind but it was all the ones who are actually good at this stuff!! rip idk what she gained from that since the chairperson has no influence over my grade but still an iconic cutthroat move i guess! i just wish she did it to someone that wasnt me

also i overheard 2 of my classmates talking about her a little earlier and they were talking about how she tried to steal both of their spatulas! so this julia girl is just cracked overall which is better than her just having a personal vendetta against me i guess

also 2 good things happened in that lab at least! first of all in the pre lab lecture noor came and sat next to me instead of whoever she sat with last time! so that was nice bc i wasnt sitting by myself. and then during the lab i was pipetting something and federico (the REALLY cute guy) was up to that too so he came over and he was like “can i borrow your pipet when youre done” and i was like yeah so it was nice that he talked to me

then i had like 45 min before gsa so i texted danielle and we hung out until the meeting and then the actual meeting was so much fun! we played jeopardy w lgbtq related questions and we were making the teams danielle and i were on one team while the president was on the other and we beat his team BOTH times! it was literally iconic bc we were losing the first game at first but then i started getting all these questions right and danielle started getting them right too and then in the second game this other girl on our team started answering everything too so the 3 of us were an unstoppable trio and the president was so bitter

also that reminds me i recently found out at last weeks eboard meeting and then i got even more info from danielle that day. so apparently literally all the other minority-based clubs on campus hate us and wont work with us bc our president wore that make america great again hat so like...rip that sucks for us lol 

so yeah gsa was super fun then in orgo lecture i got there early to make sure those freaks didnt steal my seat again but other than that it was uneventful

then there was what happened today. sociology was boring psych was relatively fun but also uneventful. anatomy lecture was fun except for one thing. the prof needed someone to help demonstrate something and he chose this random guy from the second row instead of me! and like it had to be a guy bc what he did would be kinda weird if he did it to a girl and i was the only guy in the front row so it wouldve been common sense to choose me but instead he chose that random!!! it was s/t about kidney stones so he made the guy come up to the front of the class and he had him like lean forward on the front table w his back/ass to the prof and rest of the class and he was like showing where the kidneys are and where to hit them if youre testing for kidney stones so he put his hand flat on this guys back and then hit his hand (that way he wasnt literally slapping the student) and its like...if he chose me that wouldnt been so iconic bc he wouldve had me bent over that table and he wouldve been touching my back but instead he chose that other guy so that was where things started going downhill

then anatomy lab was where it got even worse. so it was just a review lab before next weeks practical so he lets all any of his lecture students who arent in his lab sit in just to get extra review. so the lab was so full w all these randoms which made me irritated and one of the people there was the seat stealing guy! he was w this other girl and they were there kinda early and i was watching and they were gonna sit but theres only enough seats for everyone in the class so if extra people come theres gonna be a shortage of chairs. so they were sitting down and the girl was like “actually maybe we should stand bc it wouldnt be fair to the people who are actually in his lab if we stole their seats” and the guy was like “who cares!” and sat in a seat i was just like hmmmm.... so i guess hes just like this all this time 

so then i was still waiting for lab (several of us including the prof were there extra early bc lecture ended early) and this one random girl was talking to the prof just about random things for like 10 minutes!! i was jealous like who tf is she? freak

so then the actual lab was boring it was just review but it was kinda nice at first bc the prof was waiting for the TA to make copies of something so he was literally just telling us jokes it was like a rupauls drag race stand up comedy challenge but it was ruined for me bc the seat stealing guy was literally kissing this profs ass the ENTIRE time and he does this in all the classes ive had w him but he was doing it like even more than usual and it was just annoying i wanted to tell him to shut up but all of my peers like him so if i do that im not gonna be able to make any friends in my classes bc ill be the villain

so then after he finished the review we were left to review some more on our own then just leave whenever we felt like it but he also put out a sign in sheet for attendance. so everyone went up to it at once and i dont like waiting in crowds like that so i was just sitting then when the crowd dissipated i went up to sign it and it was gone and i was like “wheres the sign in sheet?” and the prof called out to the ta to take it out so i could sign it (it was literally right there but it was under the TA’s stuff so i couldnt just take it out on my own lol) and the prof seemed kinda exasperated at me asking and it upset me bc like its not like i waited until the last minute of lab to sign in?? like idk why they put it away so fast 

then most of the people left so i was at my table alone and there was one other table w like 4 people including the girl the prof was talking to earlier. and the prof literally went over and sat at the table with them just to talk about regular things! which he literally never does bc he always stays by his desk so first him not talking to me at all except for being pissy to me and then him being so nice and friendly to those other students really put me in a bad mood. but the TA came over to me and asked if i needed help w anything which was v nice of him. i didnt need help bc i was just reviewing the online models on the ipads but still. but then the TA went and sat down w the prof and those other students so whatever

so then i left and walked my dejected ass all the way to my car and drove home pissed off the entire time and yeah thats it! tm i only have orgo so since i have a lot of free time im gonna try to finally go to the student counseling center and set up an appointment