#so a bunch of kids who didnt even meet him got them??? fucking rude

[timoswerner]

not blue getting back together

[hnnyoongs]

akai shuichi headcanons

shuichi wears a beanie all the time because he's self conscious about hir hairline .... and I mean who can blame him? id be too

shuichi saw gin when he was visiting Japan in the 10 years ago flashback and was like ooh long hair is cool AND it'll piss ka-san off flash forward 5 years later when shuichi infiltrates the BO and is like fUck cool long hair dude is a psycho

shuichi cut his hair off when he heard akemi was killed by gin he kinda went into the whole mental breakdown mode and was like fuck this shit because he started growing his hair out cuz of gin and also akemi really liked his long hair

shuichi used to be a band kid when he lived in England and wanted to pursue a career in music (much to the chagrin of Mary) but after tsutomu disappeared he was like fuck that and stopped playing until he entered the BO

shuichi has a really bad memory about things that dont have to do anything with his job kinda like BBC's Sherlock but not as bad

shuichi used to find dead bodies when he was a kid just like shinichi but it wasn't as often maybe like a dead body once a year or something

shuichi named himself dai because that's what Mary actually wanted to name him when she was giving birth she was screaming die die die and tsutomu wasn't there yet so she was like aight die sounds like the japanese name dai the only reason shuichi wasn't named that was that tsutomu burst in and was like FUCK NO

shuichi was picked on when training for the FBI since compared to 6 foot jock white men shuichi was a 5 foot 7 asian with long hair and dressed like a teenage girl who frequented Starbucks in the toxic environment of the FBI for anyone who doesnt fit the mold shuichi had it cut out for him

shuichi showed signs of multiple mental illnesses but they were all difficult to pin down so he was never diagnosed with anything since he refused to talk at the FBI mandated therapy sessions

shuichi's type is someone who is kind but could wield a gun

he used to dislike kids but being around them as okiya has made SOME kids special in his heart

before tsutomu's disspeareance he taught shuichi how to hunt with a shotgun

shuichi lived off of sports drinks and bars whenever he was single since he couldn't rely on take out due to it being unhealthy which wouldn't help his FBI styled life

shuichi taught akemi simple self defense techniques but refuses to teach her how to shoot a gun saying he didn't want her hands to get dirty

shuichi and shukichi blackmail each other for favors by using the "ill tell ka-san you did that one thing that you blamed dad for when we were kids if u dont help me out"

scotch once told him that bourbon's type was a white milf (in reference to Elena who was white and was a mother) so shuichi was scared as fuck when rei met Mary's adult self for the first time

shuichi hates being compared to his mother but the truth is they're the most similar and they both started mimicking tsutomu after his disappearance

the only thing shuichi knew how to cook before meeting yukiko was plain white rice as that was the only thing tsutomu was able to teach him

shuichi mimics an American accent while talking in America or talking in English unless he's talking to his family or he's mentally shook up and his British accent slips out

he thinks in British accented English as well (idc if the animanga shows him thinking in japanese it makes no sense that western raised people like Jodie and camel think in japanese) but he does use some japanese like ka-san and when he's trying to get deep into his okiya persona

he tries very hard to keep the polite speech patterns of okiya Subaru since as akai shuichi he's very .. rude

shuichi's sniper skills were so good the fbi was willing to overlook his disrespect of authority and his tendency to do everything by himself without consulting everyone

shuichi slips into a British accent around James if he's feeling really comfortable

he felt bad about using shiho since she was only a year older than masumi and she hadn't done anything wrong so he vowed to get her and akemi out of the BO

he had a plan to get akemi and shiho out by convincing the higher ups to grant them immunity if they testified but akemi's death derailed the entire thing

he hates to admit it but his family is the most important thing to him he may not contact them that often but he's going to such lengths to bring his father back because he cares for his family so much

shuichi didnt really know what he wanted to do with his life once he took down his father's pursuers but after akemi and scotch he decided that if he solved his father's disappearance first he'd hunt down the BO next tho once learning that Haneda Koji’s death had something to do with the BO he's back at the thing where he doesn't know what to do with his life without revenge

he promised shukichi that he'd be the one to solve shukichi's death if what happened to Haneda kohji also happens to shukichi

he isn't a fan of dates in amusement parks but if it makes his partner happy and smile he'll have fun

dating Jodie was a quiet thing most likely from an attachment maybe due to a bad case or a loss of a mutual friend depending on the agency they might have been legally allowed to date each other but it is usually looked down upon I dont think they went out together often probably spending time together at home ... doing stuff

he identifies as bisexual it was normal to him in childhood since both Mary and tsutomu talked about their past relationships to their children he never told anyone due to the fact it would affect his FBI status since it was illegal in America shukichi and Mary know he's bi but shuichi has no idea Mary knows

akemi and shuichi would take strolls in parks go shopping and go to cafes

he's very self conscious about his height and whenever he goes to Japan it makes him feel good about himself since he's relatively tall there

Mary was the one who drilled japanese into his head not tsutomu

the last time shuichi talked to Mary was when he called her up to tell her to take masumi and leave Japan for Britain after masumi cornered him and scotch him and Mary had a whole argument and after that they stopped talking to each other, not that they talked to each other much in the first place

shuichi learned jee kun do by watching training videos from vhs tapes/cds/YouTube depending on when you consider detco taking place I personally believe conan shrinks in 2018 meaning that tsutomu disappeared in 2001 and shuichi used a mixture of tapes and cds to learn

shuichi can read people really well but has a hard time manipulating people by being nice he can use people by being a jackass very well but trying to be a normal person is hard for him

Yukiko and yusaku remind shuichi of his parents before tsutomu disappeared but like more upbeat

shuichi dislikes full body hugs

akemi and shiho were both anime and romance drama fans so he knows random things about the shows and uses that info to connect with the DB and especially haibara

he considered himself British first and foremost but when asked about whether he considers himself white or asian he'll always go with asian

he started smoking soon after his father disappeared since his father used to smoke and he needed to cope but didn't wanna fall into drugs like cocaine

smoking is heavily looked down upon in America and is seen as unprofessional which helped shuichi go undercover a bunch due to him being a heavy smoker

akemi would make him stop smoking around her and shiho saying that second hand smoking was dangerous and that shuichi who was smoking constantly was going to get lung cancer but he would tell her that he just couldn't stop smoking he did stop smoking around shiho and akemi tho going outside to do it instead

as okiya it makes him go wild because he desperately needs to smoke to cope but okiya cant smoke it doesnt fit his image so he smokes a shit ton at night during his nightly drives

shuichi forced himself not to smoke during his time visiting Japan when he met masumi because he knew Mary would get even more upset with him

shuichi was terrible driving American styled cars and he got so upset that he perfected his drive-in techiuque over the years just to spite the instructor that said he was barely passing

he likes to go on late night drives and speed on the high way because he's a thrill seeking idiot

he has no social media but he created on as okiya Subaru to keep an eye on haibara's higo stan account

he takes offense to the idea that he's stalking haibara he's just p r o t e c t i n g her

he wants shiho to be happy more than anything so he's an avid coai shipper and is exhausted in Conan's obliviousness

shuichi didnt tell shukichi he wasn't actually dead shukichi just walked up to okiya Subaru one day and was like shuuichi-ni-san right? shuichi has long stopped questioning shukichi's weird ways of knowing shit he shouldn't know

shuichi is a sherlockian but he's not like shinichi or hakuba in that he does not hate BBC's Sherlock and actually enjoys it a bit

one upside to shuichi living in America is that he gets to hoard guns because he's obsessed with them he thinks they're really cool it's like conan with Sherlock he starts yapping his mouth of about them

bourbon once dangled a gun on in front of a sleeping shuichi cuz he didnt believe scotch when he said that rye was obsessed with guns and started saying incorrect shit about the type of gun he was holding and shuichi just shot up and started berating him

shuichi hates that chianti is a killer because she's the only person who's as much as a gun fanatic as he is

he tends to steal Jodie's car a lot

he likes fucking with peoples heads it's very fun to him to watch them get all worked up

shuichi hasn't mourned his father yet because he doesnt believe his father’s dead

deep down he blames his father for his mother going slightly bonkers

he didnt want masumi to be a detective at first but now hes proud of her

he drinks a lot as okiya Subaru since he cant smoke as much

he's willing to go to hell if it means he can rip gin from limp to limp

he really hates gin yall I dont think I can convey how much he hates gin

[marvel-m-lee]

Hemsworth's Tickle Monster •Part 1- Reunion•

Fandom: Marvel

Words: 1664

●○●This is a Tickle Fic●○●

(Set in 2018)

Mini Series Summary: Its Marvels 10 year anniversary and Robert set up a party for some of the actors. Y/n is known for enjoying being tickled, and shes the youngest avenger. You see where it's going.

-

"How long till we get there?" You asked, both you and Sebastian were in your car driving to a meet up with everyone else, it was the 10 year anniversary of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and RDJ set up a picnic for some of the actors.

You, Stan, Maccie, Evens, Hemsworth, Johansson, Ruffalo, Hiddleston, Cumberbatch, Rudd, Pratt, Olsen, Bettany, Holland, Batalon, zendaya and a few others were coming.

He set it up because he thought it would be nice for us all to meet up again. You were all going to some field for the whole day to have a massive picnic and at night you were going to binge the movies!

"Not too long, only 20 minutes" You sighed, you have been in the car for almost 40 minutes and had to get up pretty early. Stan came to pick you up at your house and convince you to have a nap. Plus he had your favourite blanket in the car at all times.

You and Seb began to chat, "Who you most excited to see Sebby?" Stan concentrated on the road but turned to look at you with one eyebrow furrowed in thought. "Hmm, not too sure, Maccie and I will probably annoy the shit outta Tom though" You laughed, you knew how much they liked to annoy and tease holland, they liked to do it to you too but were more careful, you were both the kids in the group.

"Poor Tom, you always tease him" you both laughed before he took one hand off the steering wheel and squeezed your knee. "AH! Sebastian!" You giggled and pulled your leg away, it was too early for this.

"Aw, I'm sorry doll" He winked at you before continuing to drive. He had picked up calling you Doll from your scenes together while acting. It just caught on after a while outside if acting.

You rolled your eyes, knowing that that wouldn't be the first time he'd try to do this. Seb and Maccie loved teasing you about it, everyone knew you enjoyed being tickled, it slipped out one time and word spread but no one treated you differently, well other than a few pricks on the internet but they were all homophobic and racist too so you really couldn't give a fuck about them.

Everyone else found it adorable, RDJ would tease you because he was like a dad, see you and Tom were around the same age but you'd been in the MCU since Scarlett had Downey had plenty of time to get to know you. And unsurprisingly when he had found out, he wasn't shocked at all. He says it was his "Dad Sense".

"See look, were here now" Seb exclaimed as he turned into a parking lot between a bunch of trees. It really was like the middle of no where, there were fields fir Mike's and bushes surrounding so if any fans drove past they wouldn't know we were there.

"Alright, get out" Seb ordered, you smiled at him as he turned off the car and you hopped out grabbing your handbag from the back. Stan stretched then walked to the car boot and opening it pulling out two blankets, two towels and a big shopping like bag. You gave him a questioning look before he shoved the towels in your face.

"Thank's for offering to help" He teased.

"I didn't know we had to bring these things?!" You asked in a panic, you had only brought a purse with a few bits and pieces, Seb on the other hand had brought almost everything.

"I know, I got it for you" he laughed as he began walking, you quickly followed him, the towels still in your face.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?!" You asked, kind of annoyed how you couldn't help. Seb had thrown the blankets over his shoulder and held the bag in his hand, you on the other hand had your purse in the inner corner of your elbow and held the towels folded with two hands covering your vision.

"Because you're a kid, dont worry holland didn't bring anything either"

"I'm not a kid! Im 19 you beefcake!" It's true, you had been in the mcu for around a decade and joined as a kid, but sadly that just meant everyone else knew you as a kid and even now saw you as one. Well sometimes.

"Can you drink alcohol?"

"Um-"

"Can you drive?"

"Yes!"

Seb turned to you with a raised brow. "Really?"

"Partly...." you admitted.

"I'm not a kid though Sebastian! I'm just- young"

"You're a baby, a coot wittle baby" he pitched your cheek and began baby talking you making you blush. You just rolled your eyes and turned away to him in which made him poke your side and laugh at your reaction.

"Oh fuck you" you true to sound serious but couldn't help it, you never meant the rude remarks you meant, you cared for them all dearly.

"Sorry doll, but you're not my type" Blush arose on your face but what did you expect? Stan enjoyed a good sex joke or two.

"Oh shut up, you only wish you could get this" you remarked as you placed a hand on your hip trying to look confident, then almost dropped the towels and tripped-

"Hey y/n" Luckily someone caught you, the Australian accent told you straight away as he helped you up. "You alright? Not going on a trip without sending me a card right?" You laughed at his jokes, Hemsworth was definitely one of the funniest, no matter what he did he made you laugh.

"Yeah, thank you, I'm glad someone can help me" You shot a look at Sebastian when elaborating the word 'someone'. He just laughed at you as you all walked in.

Your confidence now gained back on you and as you entered the mini arch of thick bushes when you saw everyone you handed the towels to Chris and made some sort of strange Y with your arms and bowed.

"Your saviour is here!"

All heads turned to you, the youngest avenger in the team who seemed to have some of the best confidence as a kid- as long as you werent being flustered.

Everyone laughed and then Chris threw the towels over you and picked you up over his shoulder making everyone laugh harder. The area already seemed to be livid.

"Chrisssssssss!!!!" You whined, unable to even see.

"Yessssssssss?" He mocked as he wondered to a table with everyones things on and placed a bag there.

"Put me down!" You kicked making him laugh and just swap which arm he held you with to the other shoulder, he then took the towels off and placed them on his bag so you would know where they were. Sebastian followed and once he had put his stuff down Chris turned to him and asked him if he knew where you where.

"Sebastian where did y/n go?"

Sebastian just laughed and looked around, "I dunno, she was right here a moment ago?"

"I dont know... I'm sure she'll be fine though" That's when you began to feel Chris' fingers slowly start to curl in on each other and wiggle, see he was holding you over his shoulder so you could see his butt, and held you around the waist to make sure you wouldn't fall.

"Chihihissss!" You began to squirm but thanks to his large build it didnt seem to faze him.

"What was that?" He asked looking around as his fingers began becoming quicker, now also squeezing your sides.

You giggled on top of him in his grasp, wiggling away unable to do anything trying to keep in your laughter because it was only 10:30 or something in the morning.

"Robert? This music is great!" He teased as he helped over to RDJ who put a thumb up, knowing they were teasing you.

"Chrihihihis! Stapppp" you tried to squirm away out of his neck but he just turned and rubbed his beard into you, a fountain of giggles and laughter mix flowing from your lips.

He then continued to tickle you with his fingers and began to dance, flopping you and himself around.

"This mush is the bomb!" He yelled as he was almost in the centre of the area catching everyones attention.

"CHRIHIHISSS!!" Your giggles and laughter mixed between one another, the teasing made you blush but the audience of all your co workers? Oh god- it was too much to actually see them all. And so helpless too.

"Wait did someone hear y/n?" He asked looking around for you, then he picked you up with both hands and held you above the ground.

"There you were! We were all so worried! We thought you had been taken by the tickle monster!" He then began to wiggle his fingers into your sides and belly, moving to your ribs before cradling you in one arm and tickling you with the other.

"CHRIHIHISS NAHAH!" Your laughter echoed, infectious and adorable at your helpless state.

"Aw but you love it dont you?" The teasing was becoming a bit too much as you tried to wiggle out of his grasp. You were 19 and being tickle tortured by Chris Hemsworth in front of all your coworkers and friends!

"Aw here we go, is she all worn out? Awww" he cooed at you as he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, stopping his attack.

He put you down and you almost doubled over with ghost tickles, giggling having to hold onto Sebastian for support.

"Ihihi hate yohohou"

"You love me" he winked st you before giving your pink cheek a kiss and walking over to Hiddleston and Ruffalo.

"Oh today's gonna be fun for you y/n" Stan chuckled, everyone knew that wouldn't be the last time you were tickled today.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 17

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i know some of you were sort of waiting for that soooo here it is! PLEASE let me know what you think!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i added a few but some im not posting the screenshots of because i didnt add everything in the ask so it felt weird to add them. it was tough to add requests tho because I sort of had something planned. i hope you enjoy it anyway :)

Chapter 17 : His chapter

NIALL

I hadn't heard from Olivia in days but I was not really surprised. Apparently, her fiance (and trust me when I said I hated that word) had came back for a few days and she had without a doubt spent all her time with him. I was so mad when Harry told me about it that I actually initiated sex with my girlfriend, which was something I hadn't done in a very long time. I hated to think about Olivia with him. In fact, I hated to think about Olivia with anyone that was not me, and it was driving me a bit insane. Who would have thought my best friend would give me all these feelings? I wouldn't have guessed that back then, when we were kids.

I was the first one to sit at the restaurant as I waited for everyone to be there. It was sunday morning and we all had decided to have brunch together. I was not really in the mood but at least, it made me get out of the house, if only for a few hours. Even Heidi, whom I almost broke up with about 5 times in the past 2 days, couldn't handle being around me too much. I was still pissed at her and I knew she could feel it but somehow, I felt like she held me responsible for everything that had happened, like me being mad at her for what she did gave her the right to be mad at me.

Of course, I was not completely innocent in all of this and the fact that Olivia and I had kissed and more should make me feel guilty but it didn't. We were supposed to be together so why were we still apart and dating other people?

Louis and Eleanor were the first ones to join me, followed by Julie and Liam. We started talking about what we would do for Harry's birthday when I felt her presence behind me. It was a mix of the connection we had, and the way she smelled like, that always made me know when she was around and I started wondering if she could sense when I was near, too. It's only when she took a seat that something stirred in my stomach. Her boyfriend was there too and he was doing everything he could not to look at me. It made me frown and suddenly, I realized that she probably told him everything. It shouldn't surprise me, she was not the kind to keep things from people or even worse, lie, but I thought it was something that only belonged to us and it bothered me to know that she shared it with someone else, even if that someone else was the boyfriend she was cheating on. He was also still there, with her, making me think he had forgiven her, which was some crazy level of bullshit.

I tried to have fun and chat with everyone but I couldn't help but keep glancing at Olivia. She didn't seem at ease and I was not even sure why she had decided to come. She didn't enjoy that kind of confrontation and awkward moments normally and once again, I guessed that Dylan was probably the one who had convinced her to come.

I knew everyone was having fun but I was not and when everyone was done eating and were just chatting and laughing, I got up and said my goodbyes. They were short and I had a hard time to fake a smile but I still sent one last glance to my ex girlfriend before leaving.

I was searching for the right key on my chain when I noticed someone from the corner of my eyes and immediately hoped it was Olivia. When I turned my head, however, I noticed Dylan walking towards me and I was wondering if he was just going to throw his fist in my face. I didn't know what kind of guy he was, and although I felt like my ex girlfriend couldn't pick a violent guy, I also didn't know what a man who was cheated on could do.

"Hey man," he started, standing in front of me with a small frown before sighing. "Look, i'm not sure how to tell you that but, I know there's something between you and my girlfriend."

I stood there in silence, not really knowing what he expected from me. Was I supposed to agree? Apologize? Try to explain myself?

"I love her, you know."

I kept a straight face but my heart jumped in my chest. I loved her too. I was in love with her, but I couldn't tell him that, even if I was dying to.

"I know."

"Just," he passed his hand nervously in his hair. "I don't know how to ask you not to ruin this."

I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to let his words sink in and I started feeling bad. Not because I felt guilty for trying to get my ex girlfriend back, but because It was not the first time someone was asking me not to ruin something. I knew I could lie to him but I was not going to.

"I don't intend to ruin your relationship." I just pointed out in a low tone. "But is that really what you want? You want to marry a girl who's not completely yours?"

He sighed and glanced down before looking up in my eyes.

"If you were me, wouldn't you try anyway?"

This time, I had to admit that I was speechless and I just sighed too. Of course I would. If I was in his shoes, I would probably try to keep her, too, which is something I should have done over a year ago instead. If I had, we wouldn't be stuck in this mess.

I ended up just nodding and he did the same before turning around and leaving. I waited until he was back inside to get in my car and closed my eyes, breathing in and out deeply. I couldn't get myself to give up about Olivia, even if I knew she would be happy with Dylan, even if I knew it would hurt him and probably Heidi in the process, even if it would make an even bigger mess in our lives. I hit my wheel once and then a few more times a bit harder, hitting also the honk by accident. It was getting ridiculous and I knew that whatever was going to be decided needed to happen very soon.

I drove home and waited. I didn't want to be the first one to reach out, I thought that time, she was the one who had to call me and I waited.

It was a random thursday afternoon when I got her text message. The truth was, I was sitting in front of the tv but I was not really watching it. I had picked a netflix show that I was not really interested in just because I knew I was not able to focus on anything but when I put it on pause, I realized it would now probably suggest me a bunch of boring tv shows and I sighed, grabbing my phone. I could pretend I was not happy to get a message from her but i'd be lying. I could even try to say I tossed my phone away and kept on watching my stupid show but in reality, my heart had skipped a beat and I had re-read her words about ten times.

'Can we talk? I miss you.'

I blinked a few times, a bit surprised and annoyed by her words, and pressed my lips together in anger. Did she really just message me as if I hadn't stormed out of her place the last time we talked to each other? As if she hadn't asked me not to break up with my girlfriend after pointing out she was still getting married despite everything that had happened between us? As if she hadn't ignored me at the restaurant? I wanted to text her back to remind her that I was pissed and let her know she needed to stop toying with me. Instead, I decided to do it face to face.

'Where?'

I was expecting her to choose between her place of mine but instead, she asked me to meet her in a park and it made me frown. I got up and grabbed my keys and wallet, but kept my sweatpants and t-shirt. I had been quite lazy in the past few days and I didn't even give a fuck.

The drive seemed long but it was probably just because I was impatient and when I saw her, waiting for me on a bench, I stopped walking and inhaled deeply before sighing again. She looked good and I had missed her. The anger I felt so strongly for her now seemed more like annoyance or pain and I didn't feel like being rude to her anymore. I pushed my hands in my pockets, my eyes never leaving her, as hers were traveling around her. She could have been on her phone like most people would but instead, she was looking at kids running, people having picnics and most of all, at dogs walking by. I noticed her lips curling slightly every time one was near and it made me smile a bit, too. It's only when her eyes moved on me that I smiled more and I noticed that she did too. Why was it always so strong when we were near each other? I walked to her and sat a bit farther on the bench, making sure we wouldn't touch. She turned slightly to face me as I leaned against the back of the bench. placing my arm on it too, my hand very close to her shoulder now.

"I'm here now." I just said, my smile faltering a bit. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Niall. I'm sorry for what I said, too." she let out, surprising me a bit. "Of course what happened between us matters. It's... it's all that matters, or almost."

She sighed and I stared at her as she looked down at her hands. She started playing with her fingers nervously and licked her lips but I remained silent.

"I asked to meet here so we wouldn't be tempted to just throw ourselves at each other instead to talk. Because that's all we do, you know? We flirt and we kiss and we touch but we have no idea what to do with our feelings."

I moved slightly closer to her and bent down a bit as my hand gripped the back of the bench tightly. It caught her attention and she looked up, her traits softening immediately when our eyes met.

"I love you and you love me." I whispered firmly, my eyes dropping to her lips before moving back to her eyes. "You love me more than you love him. We're meant to be."

Those were not even questions, they were facts, and somehow, I could feel that she thought the same thing. Her lips parted and I realized that I was in her vital space and despite how rational and private I was, that made me want to kiss her. Whenever we were at very short distance of each other, we were attracted to each other like magnets.

I pressed my lips together but it took me all my strength to move back a bit, making sure I wouldn't just kiss her right there, in the middle of a discussion.

"I know you want me to break things with Dylan, I'm just... Niall I'm not sure I trust you." she looked up and I saw she was tearing up. "You used to be the only person I really trusted and now? I don't know, Niall.."

"I know I've hurt you, I know I've broken your trust, but we deserve an other chance don't you think?"

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard but when she looked at me again, a tear fell from her right eye and she quickly wiped it.

"What exactly do you want, Niall?" she asked, sniffing.

"You! I want you!" I expressed a bit louder. "It's your heart I want Olivia!"

"Why? So you can break it again? Shatter it in pieces? Stomp on it?" she let out, her face twisting in pain. "Because I won't survive this an other time, Niall!"

"I would nev-"

"You'd never do that?" she cut me quickly. "Because I used to believe you'd never break my heart and then you did. So I'm just supposed to let go of the only guy who's ready to drop everything for me, for a guy who broke me before?"

"Who says i'm not ready to give up everything for you?"

We stayed in silence for a long time, just looking at each other as people laughed, talked and ran around us. We were the only static alive things in the park. Even the trees moved due to the small breeze and I focused on her parted lips and how she looked wordless because of my question.

"I need time." her voice was so low it was almost inaudible and I just nodded, feeling my heart twist in my chest. "I'm sorry again for the other day. I should have ran after you."

"I should have called you back then. I should have tried to get in contact with you. I should have told you that I missed you, that I still wanted you in my life. I should have told you my album was about you." I let out before taking a short pause. "I shouldn't have broken up with you."

Her head tilted and the left corner of her lips moved up a bit.

"And I should kiss you right now."

"But you won't." I just let out low.

"I won't."

I nodded and sighed, finally looking away.

"I'll give you all the time you need." I gave in, knowing I was going to have to be very patient. "But even if I understand your reluctance, I love you, and I hope you can trust me again."

I felt her fingertips brush on the top of my hand that was still gripping the back of the bench and held my breath at the feeling of her skin against mine.

"Me too."

                                                    ----

We decided to do the party at Louis and Olivia's and for some reason, I liked that idea. We had fooled Harry with the surprise by throwing colorful balloons at him and screaming 'Happy Birthday!" when he walked by the door and it was probably the cheesiest thing we ever did. Of course, Louis had proposed to play a prank on him where we would all ignore him all day but from what I had understood, Olivia had voted against it and apparently, she had a veto power or something.

"Who drank all the beer?" Louis asked in a loud voice after dinner. "I'm tired to drink your expensive wine, Livi, I want cheap beer and some nachos!"

"You are the most annoying person ever!" Olivia let out, rolling her eyes, before turning to Eleanor. "I don't know how you do it!"

El laughed as Louis glared at my ex girlfriend. "You're the one who lives with him!"

"Not for long again."

I frowned again and moved my chin in her direction. "Are you moving out?"

"No, Louis and I are going to move in together." Eleanor replied with a large smile as Olivia walked up to me.

She opened her lips to say something but Eleanor talked again and caught her attention.

"Did you drink? We could go buy beers maybe? Just so he shuts up!"

"Heyyy, I heard that!" Louis pointed out as El wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I can drive, no problem, I just had a glass of wine before dinner." Olivia shrugged, grabbing her hoodie and looking for her keys.

I wanted to propose to go with her but I knew it was a bad idea. Besides, Julie and Eleanor just grabbed their stuff and all the girls left, leaving me with Harry, Liam and a tipsy Louis. I don't know how the discussion turned from Harry being extra single at the moment to sexual encounters but I kept glancing by the window to see when they'd actually come back.

"I swear, that girl was crazy. She had me buy a whip and stuff." Harry rolled his eyes. "A real one too, like, it was insane."

"Don't even try, I bet you loved it. You're the kind of guy that makes us want to believe he's a dom but he's just really a sub." Louis laughed, raising his nose up with amusement. "The best kind of sex is just that first time you push yourself inside a girl that you've wanted for a long time. That my friend, is what bliss is all about."

"Or you know, a fucking good blowjob." Liam let out, making all of us laugh.

"I love when the girl lets me be a bit rough with her." Louis just added with a sly smile.

"Yea, Olivia loved a bit of a spank." Harry laughed, making me frown immediately.

I didn't like hearing about my ex girlfriend having sex with anyone, as hypocrite as it could sound. I also didn't want to be reminded that they fucked and dated, and most of all, it seemed extremely inappropriate to talk about one of our friends like that. Friend who could walk by the door at any moment.

"Oh yea, and a light choke, too."

This time, I frowned even more and turned to Louis who was laughing.

"And how exactly do you know that?" I asked a bit rudely, making him look at me.

"Relax, mate. She told me." he just explained with a shrug.

"So you never had sex with her?" I insisted just as meanly as the room fell silent. Everyone turned to Louis who remained motionless for a few seconds before clearing his throat and taking the cigarette he had placed behind his ear to light it up. I didn't really think they had but he knew so many things about her that it bothered me.

"Niall, come on."

His answer made my heart jump so high in my chest that I thought I was going to puke. If he hadn't had sex with her, he would have just said that, right?

"Did you fucking have sex with my girlfriend, Tomlinson?" I asked a bit louder, getting up quickly.

"EX girlfriend, Niall!" Louis frowned, getting up too, before pushing the smoke out of his lungs quickly. "You two were broken up."

I heard Harry curse but didn't send him a glance. All I could think about was Louis' hand wrapped around Olivia's neck as he fucked her and that made me feel even worse.

"You're a fucking hypocrite!" I almost yelled. "Telling how much of an asshole I was for sleeping around after breaking up with her while you were shagging her!"

"Oh I'M a hypocrite?" Louis frowned, tapping his chest a finger from the hand he was still holding his cigarette with before pointing at me. "Take a look at yourself! Being all mad that your ex girlfriend rode my cock while your dick dipped in so many vaginas you probably can't even remember half of them!"

I felt myself get so angry that I practically ran to him before being stopped by Liam, who acted like a shield between us. He placed his hands on my chest and tried to get my attention by moving his face in front of mine.

"Woa mate, no, don't."

I put my hands into two fists and squeezed them so hard I knew my knuckles had turned white and I felt them shaking. Why didn't anyone tell me that my ex girlfriend and one of my best friends had sex before?

"How many times?" I just asked in a low tone, waiting a few seconds to get an answer. Silence. "How many fucking times!?"

Louis didn't have time to answer. The door opened and the three girls walked in, laughing together. They all stopped when they saw us and Eleanor frowned, her eyes moving from me, to Louis and then Liam.

"Okay, what's wrong here."

My eyes found Olivia but she was looking at Louis with a questioning look. I turned to him as he shrugged a shoulder and his lips twisted in a small and guilty smile. Olivia sighed, rubbing her eyes, and that's when I realized there was one thing that bothered me more than them having sex. It was to realize that they were so close now that they could communicate without even talking.

I groaned slightly and stormed out of the room, trying to calm myself but I was pacing in the hall, pulling on my hair and letting out a few curse words under my breath.

"Nee."

I turned only to see Olivia stare at me with soft eyes but it didn't ease the anger inside me. I stopped walking and shut my eyes tight until I felt her hand take mine. My eyes fluttered open again as she stepped back slowly, bringing me to her room. I followed her, not really sure what she was doing, and she let go of my hand when we were inside.

"Please, close the door."

I sighed but finally did what she asked. We were standing together in the dark, very close to each other, but neither of us tried to touch the other or get closer.

"Can you turn the light on, please?"

Once again, I obeyed without a word and when her face appeared in front of me, I immediately imagined her naked on top of Louis. I looked away and closed my eyes, diving my hands in my pockets quickly and playing with the fabric inside of them, twisting it with my fingers.

"Louis told you, right? Is that why you're so mad?"

"Is that why i'm-" I repeated in a whisper. "Are you fucking serious?" I added louder.

"Niall, I was single, and he was single, and you were who knows where." she explained. Her words hurt me but her tone was soft. "I needed comfort, he needed comfort... You got comfort too, didn't you? With a few girls, I heard?"

"But not with any of your friends." I argued, shaking my head. "And I didn't have sex with as many girls as you seem to believe. Is that really what you think of me?"

Once again, the blame was turned towards me when in reality, i was the one who felt fucking betrayed by their behavior.

"Tell me, Olivia." I continued a bit roughly. "How many times did you let one of my best friends make you cum, uh? How many times did you allow him to fuck you so hard you'd forget about me?"

"That's the thing, Niall! I didn't forget about you! Not a fucking second!"

Her answer made my lips part and I stopped frowning. She took a step closer and once again, took my hand in hers, bringing it up to press her palm against mine before intertwining our fingers together.

"I love you, Niall." she whispered. "Having you so close to me all the time... it's making my body vibrate. I know it sounds stupid but it's true. I miss you. I miss everything we did."

My eyes roamed on her face and I licked my lips.

"You're trying to distract me from what I just learned, aren't you?" I asked low.

"No, I'm trying to tell you that it meant nothing. Not for him and not for me. He's the closest friend I have, and we shared that together in a few moments of desperation and intense sadness. I didn't make love with him, I only made love with you. In all my life."

"I only made love with you too." I admitted, squeezing her hand in mine as I watched her tear up.

"Really?" she asked in a whisper as I saw her break down.

"Yes of course, really." I repeated. "Did you doubt it?"

I watched her nod and sniff again. I couldn't wait for the day that the feelings I would bring inside her would only be good ones. I wanted to see her smile again, I wanted to make her happy. I had promised myself I would make her happiness my priority and once again, she was crying right in front of me.

"What can I do to make you smile, Olivia?"

She brought her free hand on my chest and let it slide gently over my shirt as she licked her lips.

"I know I said I needed time but, please, kiss me." she murmured, trying not to sob again. "Just kiss me."

[mikkock]

HELLO I ADORE YOUR OCS SO MUCH WILL YOU TELL ME ABOUT KAI HE LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL "YOUR DAUGHTER CALLS ME DADDY TOO" DOUCHEBAG AND I FUCKING LOVE HIM AND WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM

LBLMVBGK THANK U OMG love it when ppl like my kids, im a proud dad rn

ALSO wrow congrats on ur on point analysis, cause, that’s the Essence Of His Being (fun fact since i got two characters who go by the name of kai -cause fuck that basic writing tip that says ‘dont have two characters named the same thing- i usually refer to him as The Bad Kai cuz he a bad bitch)

so lets unwrap that dude shall we uwu 

SO this dude was created when i realised my story didnt have antagonists so i made a bunch of Bad People and then they all became good people after i started giving them more personnality somehow eXCEPt him for some reason, the only survivor of the “everyone will be baby” plague, the only rude bitch in this house, the only guy who’s still on the dark grey side of morally grey...but tbh im in love with him cause he’s an asshole and im an idiot so like.

His base concept was basically something along the lines of “fuckboy but make it Couture”, like douchebag indeed But Gotta Be Fancy at being one, gotta add a pinch of Sneaky Bitch in the pot. His aesthetic is Chillin, gettin in ur pants, then moving on for some more chillin and more pants. So if you’re into some funky sexy time with no pressure and no ties, ya gon get along, your goals meet, time to have fun.

All that is supported by his charisma, cause unless ya got some nasty history, he’ll just look like that charming bad-boy “oho hot dude with a dangerous but not agressive” vibed person, and he’s quite a sweet-talker. He’s probs not only the ‘your daughter calls me daddy’ kind but also ‘and so will YOU, i’m scoring with the whole family and you wont stop me (and you wont WANT to stop me)’ 

He got that handsome ppl priviledge ya feel

but also, he wouldnt be a rude guy if he was just the ‘i enjoy chill frick-fracking and im just so sexy that no one can say no to that booty’ guy

Dude got quiiite some spite-fueled ego and Does Not Take losing well, and will not, in fact, let himself lose on any objective he has, and when that objective is A Person, he gets ugly. Being good at sweet talking also means being good at small stuff like “not saying exactly the truth always when it would be more beneficial not to”, “deliberately using euphemistic, ambiguous or obscure language so to mask wrong doings and technically saying the truth but in such a way that it becomes completely masked by a thick fog of bullshit”, and “use words and behaviour in general to influence others unscrupulously so to get something in return”. Even a little “playing with their perception in order to make them doubt in their thoughts and selves”. In short dude got no qualms about using all the tools of manipulation available if it means that he comes on top (or on bottom if the goal was getting an assful eeeeeey we’re masters of comedy here) It tends to be all for short term results tho, so not much your ‘boyfriend who convinces you you’re nothing without him” and more of a “you thought you were dating but only you were thinking that as he always kept it just vague enough to have you not official yet convinced of his and now you’re blaming yourself for believing you were together”

master of getting ass, also master of Ugly Ass Breakups, and master of suddenly dissapearing from your life so hard that you wonder if it was just your imagination all along (he got ugly past with a bunch of other ocs especially he’s ex boyfriend with two that are now together cause i dig that sort of drama the sAME dUDe gave u the trust issues that held u from going full lovey dovey ? i fucking lIVE off that kinda shit wait until he pops back like ‘oho hello fancy seeing YOU TWO here my two fave exes together incredible what a small world”)

Though I have to rework on all that cause that backstory is oLD AS SHIT (like prolly i built it in what, 2016? ew ugly) I had that stem from some sort of neglect-fueled inferiority complex. I had given him a kinda cold family with a bunch of siblings who got Way More Nurtured due to their respective talents and achievements, having him left behind and feeling like he got nothing. SO that’s basically the explanation as of today but i dont like iiiiit anymooooore so I’ll have to work on it to make it something i dig, cause idk, bitch feels flat so far.

BUT i do intend on keeping the whole concept of ~Loneliness~, and of him working alone and quite hard for anything he gets. And the general need of proving himself that had come from the WIP backstory. I don’t exactly see him as an overachiever at all, but definitly as an obstinate and persevering hardworking guy, because “Look YALL I WAS aBLE TO DO THIS YALL THOUGHT I COULDNT HUH YALL LOOK DOWN ON ME well fuck u cause idc im better than u now also ur mum’s into bondage i kno from experience bye”. So tbh pair up with him for group projects, you’ll be sure his share of the work will be done (but also if you dont do yours then he’s probably going to be a bITCh about it, no remorse in leaving blank slides in the middle of the powerpoint and then loudly proclaiming ‘OH RIGHT This was supposed to be Kevin’s part but I suppose he never sent it to me, despite the numerous reminders i sent him, no big deal, no hard feelings, its ok sweetie we all sometimes feel too lazy i forgive u :)” )

Also he’d be Chill to hang out with for like, parties, nights out at the bar, that kinda shit. He definetly has some beans to spill about quite some people, he gathers the goss as he gathers lovers (i was gonna end that in “as he spreads legs” but it sounded too PG-18 for this good Well Behaved family friendly blog) and Will Not stay tight lipped, and Will be a bitch when trashtalking people, and It Will Be Entertaining as it always is when you’re hearing about crazy exes and you’ve had some beers. 

Now trivia that idk where else to write cause idk i stupid or more like disorganised :

- he digs red ale beer like if ya wanna win him over with the appropriate alcohol offer there u go

- he’s a fake blonde (cause my hobby is painting regrowth roots on hair)

- his design is a mixture of those 3dgy denim boys u see on pinterest and the specific brand of fuckboys that are french-L-section-chic-grunge-hipster-fuckboys (L section is like a branch of highschool)(that word combo is a so specific kinda guy)(its kinda like a softboi but more arrogant but in a lowkey way)(also they rich)(but he’s not rich so guess that should make him Less Arrogant)

-im constantly dead afraid of giving him more characteristics and story or whatveer cause he’s the only meanie i got left and i do Not want him to stop being an asshole but everytime i develop a character they end up nice or redeemed or whatever and i wanna keep him a bitch so i neglect him (just like his parents in his 2016 version wow)

he smokes (prolly started quite early to Be Kool and now relies on it for stress relief)

he’s outspoken and extraverted and prolly the guy who had a lot to say when you were doing debates in class (there’s always that person who has a Lot to argument about)(its him) but outside of a Set and Defined debate structure he probably doesnt give his mind voraciously 

he’s a law student and despite saying he’s the one bad guy left he probably wont be a corrupt lawyer or judge or whatever like come on he will do his job properly he worked hARD FOR THIS justice may be served

he’s not the kind to openly hate or even dislike anyone cause what’s the point of wasting your energy on that? its much funnier to him to be obnoxiously Neutral with someone and basically ignore them but still strike them with some Spikes of passive-agressive comments, let them be Mad at your calmness

he’s 177cm tall (that’s like 5.8 according to google)

honestly if you’re bros with him he’s fun to be with the being a jerk is completly coincidental 

he probably ranks high in the list of “those criminals who steal big lighters from their friends” 

i think at a point his design had tattoos but i forgot the designs of those so now he doesnt anymore

a dog person

i think ive run out of facts (or my brain dead) so im leavin with a shirtless pic cause my hobby is drawing tits

in short, charming asshole who can get ugly, secretly feels lonely and small, works hard for himself, better have him as a friend than as a foe though probably not the most frontally agressive enemy, and also, your booty, hand it over.

[migleefulmoments]

One of my fave Disney Princess stories is how she often implied that one of her 3 male LGBTQ+ actor ROOMMATES in LA is Oliver Stark. She said her roomie was a regular on 9-1-1 (dating back to s1) who was in every episode, was young (25-35), hot and unmarried. Oliver is the only guy that meets her stated criteria. Since she also said 2/3 of her LGBTQ+ roomies are closeted (and the 3rd is out), what's she implying about Oliver? Who outs close friends? It'd be horrifying, if it wasn't ALL LIES.

I’m just looking through some posts and found a bunch referring to her roommates as “L” and “A” -no mention of the 3rd one but I know she has claimed 3 in the past. I found this post about “L” calling her baby and clearly flirting so IDK what she is claiming with this. 

She says she is staying in the mansion of the wealthy roommate so here we have mention of the hot gardener (as an aside, how many WalMart and Sam’s club stores are there in 90210-ok I looked the nearest Sam’s club is almost 40 actual miles which in LA is 3000 miles; WalMart is only 10 miles. I used “90210″ so super generic and I’m not sure that is where she claimed she lived- but the rich dude who owns the huge home and drives a BMW SUV he freely let’s random model/actor/influencers use isn’t driving 40 miles to Sam’s Club to save on chicken salad.) 

La chronicles: I was tricked.

L: baby, I’m running to the store, wanna go?

Me: nope I’m staying here and salivate over this fan fiction and the gardener…. Whichever goes shirtless first.

A: *barks out a laugh* don’t molest the gardener.

Me: who me?

L: come on baby..

Me: noooooo. Sex and intrigue.

A: *Snorts*

L: I’m going to that little organic place you love…..

Me: chicken salad????? With the sprouts.?????

L: yep yep.

Me: okay!!.

A: have fun

Me: *running out the door shouts back* tell me if he gets nnnneeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiidddddddddd

L: BABY!!!

Me: what? He knows he is hot….

………….……….……..

(Thirty minutes later.)

Me: the fuck is this?

L: I said I needed to go to the store….

Me: no oo you said organic grocery…

L: yeah and I’ll get your chicken salad after we stock up.

Me…………..

Me……….

Me: but that’s sams

L: pretty and brains

Me: but but ….. only place worse to be on Saturday is hell mart!!!! I don’t wanna go in there..its gonna take forever

L: suck it up buttercup

Me: I was fucking tricked.

L: lead by the tummy…….

More about “L” who is apparently famous enough to have fanfiction about himself which he can readily find.  .  

Watching Nomie

Youd be surprised who visits tumble land.

L loves reading fan fiction about himself (he says he gets more game online than he ever does in real life) and tumbler. 😂🤣🤣😂😂😂. He has a ridiculous fascination sharing gifs of himself. he’s a goober. They crack him up.

Below is her post about how she was bearding and had to hide “A” -is he her  boyfriend of husband now she is hiding him along with her kids. Her kids were never living in CA that I ever read.  They were in South Carolina she occasionally talked about being separated from her teenage kids but that it was her time now and her career was important. She would write about being in LA most of the time-cryptic parties and work posts- and going back and forth to SC though she rarely posted from SC- except during one of the hurricanes.

Anonymous asked:

Hmmm ok I'm slightly intrigued maybe u do get it But most probably you don't Have you ever given up and gave away something you shouldn't have because you thought it was for the best and that guilt just fucking eats away at you every day I have lied to everyone even my family to hide something I didn't even know about The work was more important and I would have sold my soul to get what I wanted I just don't know now if any of it was worth it and tbh I don't think the big guys even think it

answered: Yeah.

I had to hide my kids for two years when I first got back heavily into modeling and switching back to acting. Was also bearding. Because I look so much younger than I am, they were afraid it would show negatively work wise. Also they didnt want questions about A and the minis. (I’m still cast as characters ten years younger than the actress that usually plays my mother. Its the cheeks and the voice).

One day I fucked up and mentioned my kids and it got in print when they were talking about fashion week. A was cool about it. But it resulted in a huge move for the minis and the whole family had to adjust. Mine and his.

There are other times I purposely fuck up. Because you just get sick of juggling. Other times its an honest mistake and then you deal with the shit and move on.

So now she and “A” have minis (kids) and they had to move. I’m not sure what the hell she is trying to spin here but clearly he isn’t the platonic roommate hanging out in LA. 

I found posts tonight where she claimed she has two friends in Hollywood who are gay and came out and one friend who slammed the closet door so hard it shook after he got an important role. 

I had no idea about Oliver- good sleuthing. 

She claims she’s pan and that gives her permission to say rude and misogynistic things 

Anonymous asked:

Who is gonna tell Darr/en he looks like M/ia's "best gay" in most of the pictures of them together where they are supposed to look in love? Especially the ones from last night lol

Just ya typical queer (I’m pan so imma say that). With his beardy.

Or hag. Whatever term ya wanna use.(X)

She HATED MIa...called her Amelia and wrote incredibly offensive-downright hateful-posts about Mia under the pseudonym The Ghost- who just happened to call her Amelia. Anons would ask Disneyprincess question for The Ghost and Disney would either answer them on The Ghosts behalf or claim she would relay the message/ask The Ghost. Yeah right. She even wrote fanfiction under that pseudonym. It was super bad -sentence structure, plot development, and character development were all grossly missing. It was basically BWP (bullying without plot). The stories are gone now- I have scoured the web looking for them.  I could kick myself for not saving some of them...if anyone has one, I'd love to see it.  The plot line of one was Mia ordering Darren around her office telling him she had complete control over him while he coward in front of her.  Darren meekly declared he would win in the end, but Mia just kept ordering him around. 

These are kinds of posts who would make about Hollywood -keep in mind there was nothing before this post that make it understandable- I'm not exaggerating when I say this was typical: 

Nomie party

You did????? When? Was I annoyingly perky or in professional mode??

That’s freaking awesome. We must have lunch.

Didn’t post the ask cause that was too many details on that party. 😂😂 already been in trouble thanks.

Glad I’m not the only one that thought he is an ass.

Anonymous asked: (X)

When did you see them out? Details

Can’t really say where I was as it included what I was doing and with whom. But it was here after the first of the year

I already posted this but it bears repeating- she, like Abby, won’t give away all their secrets aka they won’t give specifics (X)

Anonymous asked: 

there is evidence of Wll and aash kissing in the clubbbb?!!!!!!!

That I can’t tell you. I know I’ve never taken a picture cause why would I? but I mean folks do snap pictures when folks are out and folks get things in background photos that people prefer not be seen publicly.

However I will say if you do some digging, there are a lot more cuddled up w/a pictures out there. One just needs to have the time and be invested enough to look.

[thiccymama-blog]

Jeff the Killers backstory but I'm rewriting it to make it correct

Alright before I get a bunch of triggered people, understand that I saw this was a big complaint of the Creepypasta community. I just wanted to rewrite it. Please just enjoy it.

One of the earliest memories they shared together was playing with the cat. Liu and Jeff had a cat growing up. It was a grey tabby that didnt live to long, Lui doesnt know what happened, but the cat was dead in the backyard one morning.

Its throat was slit and blood coated its soft fur. Its eyes were gone, later to be found in the cereal box.

This continued to happen after that. Cats in the neighborhood would disappear and then reappear dead in the Woods backyard. Jeff seemed nonchalant about it, saying it was probably a raccoon or something.

His parents were mortified and tried to find out who did it. They kept insisting that there was a dog or some animal going around killing the cats.

Lui didnt think so, but he didnt say anything.

The reputation they had in their small town blew up. No one wanted them there and they saw no reason they should stay, Jeffery and Lui's dad got a new job and they needed to move anyways.

The two brothers had very different reactions to moving, Lui wanted a fresh start but didnt want to leave all his friends behind. Jeff however didnt mind. In fact, he never seemed to care unless it was directly affecting him.

They moved to a larger town on the outskirts of a forest. Their mom and dad seemed to have rekindled their loveless marriage once they began to move un. Talks of dates and nights out on the town were all they talked about. Lui was happy about this, his parents have always had such a rocky relationship and seeing them like this made his heart explode with happiness.

One thing that made the boys equally nervous was the prospect of going to a new school. The reality of it seemed to finally catch up with Jeff, due to him being snappy and immediately going to his room once he was done packing to break stuff.

The morning of their first day was the start.

Their mom cooked them breakfast, smiling and wishing them luck on the way out. Lui replied enthusiastically, but Jeff grumbled and started ahead.

Lui looked nervously at his brother as they started the walk to school, he cleared his throat, "So, how are you liking the new house?"

"Its a house. What do you want me to say about it?" Jeff replies staring straight ahead.

Lui wanted to talk more, but the aura that was coming off of his brother made him shut up.

During the day, Lui was quick to make friends. He was a fairly attractive kid with a good GPA so it made sense. Jeff on the other hand was blatantly ignoring everyone who tried to talk to him other than the teachers who he charmed fairly easily.

Lui began to finally feel relief when lunch time rolled around. He had people to sit with and that was all he wanted. Lui sat next to a pretty blonde girl and had a polite conversation.

Jeff on the other hand... well, he wasnt liking all the attempts people were taking to get him to talk.

"Do you think you're some kind of hot shot? Going around and being nice to the new kids? Do you want a fucking medal?" Jeff demanded the SBO who sat there and looked down at her hands. "No one likes you, nor the idea of being your friend. I don't want you to talk to me, look at me or even associate yourself with me ever again, you hear me cunt? You could cut yourself for all I care." He hissed at her.

She moved her brown hair back and scanned him. "I was trying to be nice, I thought you would appreciate it... you didnt have to be so rude."

Jeff moved his black hair back in frustration, "Obviously I dont, there's nothing for me to appreciate, my family just moved into a hillbillies dumpster and now some freckle faced fuck with muffin top is trying to talk to me. What the fuck is there to appreciate?"

He was satisfied as tears welled in her eyes. She didnt reply and walked away, leaving Jeff alone with his sandwich.

After school, Lui was in a chipper mood, walking with a spring in his step while Jeff stalked behind him.

"How was your first day?" Lui finally asked him.

Jeff shrugged and continued walking behind him.

A short while later they came across two kids walking down the street. Lui greeted them, but they seemed hostile after walking past Jeff.

"Did you take something from my pockey?" One of the kids demanded, grabbing Jeff by the front of his shirt.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jeff lied easily. "I just brushed against-"

"Put my brother down!" Lui yelled.

"Or what?" The one holding Jeff asked.

Lui started towards him, "Just please put him d-"

A scream rang out as the kid holding Jeff let go and instead clutched his stomach. Lui could faintly see the glow of metal in the sunlight.

Jeff immediately began to run towards their house, leaving Lui. The other boy feverishly dialed the police.

Lui sat with the bleeding boy until the cops showed up. He had a big choice to make, sell out his brother or take the blame. He didnt want to go to jail, but the idea of Jeff in jail made him upset so he took the blame.

"I'm sorry officer, he just has my brother by the scruff of the neck and I was afraid for his life so I... i stabbed him."

He other kid provided no reliable information as he was on his phone facing the opposite direction talking to his girlfriend.

Their parents were informed later that Lui was going to jail. Jeff breathed a sigh of relief. He wasnt going to jail. Not yet.

Jeff's parents were devastated and couldnt believe it.

The woman in the area organized a party for the Woods, a sort of pity party where they would all eat and support each other. It was a kind gester for Jeff's mom, seeing as she was the kind if person who needed to vent her problems rather than hold them in.

The weekend came fast, Jeff doing the minimum in school and going home to plan on which cats in the neighborhood he could get first.

Of course he'd be more careful this time, keep them in the woods rather than his backyard.

But his plans were cut short by his mother proclaiming that he'd be joining her at the mourning session. He saw no point. Lui wasnt dead and his dad didnt have to go, so why did he have to go?

"There's a cute girl who lives there... she's really nice, a 4.0 student and she's on the track team. You should meet her." His mom tried to bargain.

"Like I want to go meet some girl," Jeffery scoffed, "you should really just go by yourself."

She shook her head, "You're coming. You never get out of the house, Jeff. I'm honestly a little worried about you."

The arguement ended an hour later with Jeff letting out a heated "fine" and stalked off to his room to go get dressed.

To spite his mother he wore a white sweater and black pants. She wanted him to wear something nice, she had said so as he stomped up the stairs. But he pretended not to hear her.

The group started at three o'clock, his mom yelled for him around 2:55.

When he arrived he was pleasantly shocked to see the SBO who had tried to befriend him open the door. She also looked shocked but let them in nonetheless. There were plenty of parents in the living room, all giving his their condolences.

God, how Jeff hated Mormons. They find a reason to celebrate everything.

"Kaylee, why dont you go outside with Jeff and the kids?" A mom suggested the girl with freckles.

"I uh, I would love too."

So she lead him outside. He had his shoulders slouched and a cold look on his face.

"So how was your week?" She tentatively asked him.

"Shitty."

She recoiled at the word. He found himself enjoying taunting her.

There were a couple other kids their age there. Jeff decided to take a stab at making friends and flying under the radar, so he made small talk and charmed the lot of them.

Freckle faced seemed weirded out.

After finishing a particularly funny story about him and his brother, Jeff decided to leave the group and search for a bathroom. An idea crossed him mind. An awful idea.

"Say, Kaylee, you wouldn't mind showing me where the bathroom is, would you?"

She looked up to him shakily, "I would love to."

She took him back inside where he went into to the bathroom and grabbed a small scoop of the liquid kind unfortunately, he would have much rather preferred the dry version as it's easier to mix with drinks.

He left shortly after, the living room lively with people who had no idea what he was about to do.

Normally he didnt like being this compulsive but the idea of people writhing in pain delighted him.

He sneaked into the kitchen. No one. He slowly lifted the lid off of the drink dispenser and went to pour it in.

"What are you doing?" Kaylee demanded from the hallway.

He turned around quickly and split the bleach on himself.

"Nothing, I'm doing nothing!" He said hastily.

Kaylee ran into the kitchen and out the lid back on the drinks, one of the boys from outside following close behind her.

"What's going on?" He asked.

(Gore warning)

"He was trying to put something in the drinks, but he spilts it on himself."

Jeff began to panic, backing up close to the lit oven. "I did nothing of the sort!" He yelled in retaliation.

The adults had yet to realize what was going on. Brandon began to close in on him and Jeff backed up more onto the oven and suddenly it was very hot.

Too hot.

The front of his sweater was on fire.

The first thing the three teens did was scream. Kaylee tried to put it out with the liquid dispenser but it fell and spilt all over the kitchen floor.

Soon flames began to spread as Jeff flailed around.

The room was slit with flames and Kaylle was shouting "Stop, Drop and roll!" Repeatedly but Jeff paid her no mind.

He couldn't breath and he couldnt take off the sweater. He watched in a sick sort of panic infested fascination as it spread to his skin, making it red.

He looked up and saw adults rushing over with water to out it out, but it was too late, Jeff was gone.

He was gone for a couple of weeks. Coming in and out if existence. He finally woke to bandages all over his arms and his legs.

Doctors and family were in the room, including Lui who looked like he was worried sick.

After explaining that he passed put after the burns and such, he was then told that some of his skin was beyond repair. He asked them what they meant.

They carefully took off his bandages and his skin was patched baby pink, white and his normal skin tone.

"Oh." Was all he said at first. "Its oddly beautiful."

The doctor and his family looked relieved to hear him say that.

He went home a few weeks later. The details on what happened that night were blotchy seeing as Brandon passed out and hit his head and Kaylee was vague on details.

(Gore warning)

"He he he! I'm so beautiful..." Jeff's mom heard, waking up form her slumber.

She saw a light in the hall and got up to investigate on why Jeff was up so late and whispering. She opened the bathroom door and looked horrified.

He had slit his cheeks wide open in a grotesque smile.

He snapped his head towards her as she walked in, "I'm beautiful." Was all he said.

His mom didnt say anything, only started in shock. He walked over to her and placed his hand gently on her cheek.

"Do you want to be beautiful?"

That was when she screamed. Her husband and Lui rushing to her aid, but the knife through her stomach killed her.

They saw Jeff in the bathroom, covered in his own blood and his mothers.

His father wasn't quick to react, but Jeff was and soon his father's blood decorated his body as well.

Lui took off down the hall to his room, but was stopped by Jeff tackling him.

"You'll be beautiful too, maybe prettier than me. We can only hope though!"

Kind of sucked, but I spent forever writing it. I realized I spelt liu's name wrong but i honestly dont want to go back and correct it.

[strawberryspeachy]

So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

[dreamsanddreams88]

We bought chickens AND bunnies at the same time, really hectic,I was tryna cuddle the bunnies but they would bite sometimes. At one point, in AC origins game trying to hide in a house full of Roman ppl from one of the phylakites that was killing everyone indiscriminately, very scary. I was female character, did the cool thing where i cut ropes on a chandelier and rode the other rope up onto something, one handed. Then i was in airport with alex, we had gone to Japan but then I got freaked out cuz of Corona and we both forgot towear masks

I was in a thrift store and didnt like any of the stuff I grabbed so I went to put it back n leave cuz I was only on lunch break anyway, the shop girl made snide remark about my hair needing to be dyed? She was like, thanks for coming in, come back when ur hair doesnt suck or something. I said fuck you and your orange hair, cuz it was dyed red and faded, but I stuttered n she made fun of it. But then she followed me cuz we all had to go to some meeting? N she was a little nicer. Sat at these tables waiting for alex, we were about to see a show with a drag queen. It was in a mall or something

Was at west again but getting lost, then was back in 4th grade maybe? Looking for new class? Then I was starting to date alex but someone else like jenna was in the room with us, he was spooning me but trying to be secret, jenna thought we were fucking, also I took a shower w him but needed another one, I had taken like 3 showers that day. I was staying w my family somewhere in hotel maybe. Then saw this girl I thought maybe was his ex katie, creeped on her instagram she actually was mixed black girl w blonde hair, was cheerleader n basketball player, really badass and mean. Brian lemaster was in there somewhere. Ar some point I started drinking juice boxes filled with milk before remebering I was lactose intolerant

Dreamed I was signing up for a matchmaking service to get married? It was via snail mail, and it was all girls who were mostly indian I think, or maybe bosnian. One girl was named Imina and sent me some of my writing that she edited, I found it very snooty and rude. Also had accepted someone else before seeing I had a letter from her. Also something with different video games that were scary, but all took place in the same house. One was 5 nights at freddy's themed, one was victorian ghosts, etc.

Was going on charter bus with work and other ppl, were leaving my old house. Kept forgetting my earbuds, went back in to see maids deep cleaning the whole place. Bus went out into cold winter wilderness? I made friends w bus driver, guy looked like william h Macy a little bit. Then i was Rey, kylo ren had captured me and was gonna make me squirt bleach into my eyes so I'd be blind, fought him off and escaped thru the back of a cupboard. He was on island surrounded by stormy sea, freezing cold, and big blocks of calcium formations kept crumbling into it. Force ghost Luke Skywalker appeared to me to tell me death was real but I could escape. Then I was with jenna or sarah, went to hotel looking 4 my parents, nice old ladies were telling me they saw my lost mittens or something? I brushed them off super rude

Was in big house with mafia family. Lots of cars n helicopters falling out of sky, crashing thru glass ceilings. Trying to leave the house, calling business guy when a car falls on him owned by one of the mafia guys. Smthn with a chef from the house, hes really strict when teaching kids how to cook, indian food cant have lemon juice in it? I was licking the glaze off raw chicken and salmon

Was in Laos in war zone, Belgians were bombing the shit out of it and these rare plants called dragon plants were burning, it was way sad. Then it was xmas at parents house but also dads bday, had to help mom take down all xmas decor temporarily until we could open dads presents. Also I didnt trim my zucchini plants and one was like 12 feet tall. Then at work taking break on some huge metal train. Also something about being in some state or royal building, running or hiding from someone

Was with alex in old doornbos house, he was asking me who was in my "network" meaning who had I slept with. I said a bunch of people and he got mad, I was high and tried to explain it was in the past not current. Then I was in theater at the high school across the road, had an improv scene with abby thomas but hadn't rehearsed at all. Went to rehearsal, everybody from hs was there, dawson was teacher, saw shelby drive past. Then smthn about walking bay in the mountains, were super high up in the snow and saw other ppl walking dogs

Something about having traded bodies with ian brauer when we were younger? Or not even traded, I had somehow accidentally possessed him and then had to go to school and pretend like I was him, and then only when I concentrated really hard I went back to my own body which was passed out on the floor of my room.

In a school, had brought imhotep back 2 life n he brought back his gf so we tried running and hiding. Then he was darth Vader and he caught me. Then dream about being on wild ferris wheel kinda ride with mom and Lauren who was sometimes aunt ellen, then in a family of talking dolphins whose step mom was a whale, the dad was joking about how him and the mom might perish at the bottom of the ocean. Then something about a demon possessed lady

Scary dream 1st where I was out walking at night in the forest, looked kinda like lower area of ECOS. The light in a street lamp didnt work, had to use flashlight. Alex showed up with bay who was now a white shih tzu, a frat guy in skeleton costume ran over to scare us. Then I lived in this village/tribe, everyone had hotel rooms kinda. I was back in town going to everyone's rooms, my mom had a room next to mine but she was gone somewhere. Then we were playing guitars, I picked up someones weird acoustic base to try and play. Then I got invite from JC, him and his friends were having a joint wedding in 2026, invite looked like DND character sheet. I was in the forest when scary evil ash cloud exploded out from the ground, kinda like in neverending story or moana. Ran back to village and was safe inside this like, sacred circle? It meant that I was actually the next in line to be the tribal chief. The tribe purposely kept everyone's parentage a secret so it was like the whole village was our parents, but this meant my dad was this one rando young guy who wasnt even the chief? Anyway he hugged me and it was emotional. It meant I had this prophetic duty to defeat these creepy evil eels like in the little mermaid. The water/ocean was this weird quad, with each quadrant being a different depth and color blue. I had to scuba dive to the bottom on a certain date to fight them, matthew/mikey was gonna hold my breathing tubes or something? If I tugged twice he could pull me back up.

In world where mr bean guy was a king n had lots of bodyguards, he was taking on corrupt religious mormon police like in Utah who rode camels and abducted like 500 people for slavery.

Had private teacher lady for something, 8 of us. I couldnt concentrate on test. She gave me spare key to let her dog out, i go in her house and the skylights are open and room full of snow. Then she has dinner party with me, snape, Adonis, michelle/jenn, and a doctor. Ends in screaming match, I'm mad cuz Michelle keeps flirting w Adonis by dropping shit on purpose and making him pick them up. Then I go to doc about weird vaginal discharge and being depressed, hes kind of a quack and doesnt help or listen. Then I was trying to get job at restaurant but all the servers had been at the party and thought I was crazy. Also smthn bout seeing a concert and shawn goggins was in it, jc and elliot were there and I started laughing at him about how that was a girl he cheated on me with but she turned out to be a trans man so he had sex with a dude

I was in world like video game level, in a class w people. Started in weird castle that had secret passages, and then onto these floating balloons above black holes. Tried to jump from one to the other without falling, very scary. Then with alex in a hallway, waiting for some event to start. We climbed up to ledge where there was like a gem/ring stockpile, I started stealing them. Mcgonagall was there and saw us, I was too afraid of heights to climb down. Then event was starting but it was some creepy cult wearing animal masks, I had to pretend like I knew what was happening

[sunshineonamission-blog]

January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way. 

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder. 

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing. 

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it. 

So. Sounds like you like to make shit. 

Yeah. 

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can. 

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2. 

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript. 

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots. 

Keep the conversation going when I need to. 

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something. 

Kick ass in acting tomorrow. 

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go.  - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there.  Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment. 

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker. 

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

 I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment. 

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom. 

Made eggs. 

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning. 

I’m so glad he’s auditioning. 

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week. 

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad. 

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves. 

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not. 

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in) 

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana 

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together. 

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t. 

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today 

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep 

Goodnight

[lifeofa20something]

A beautiful day for rafting adventures

Another early day for me, woke up to our doorbell ringing asking if i was ready to go, which i wasnt, because i was still asleep, so i got quickly dressed and went down for breakfast with Andrea, Joyce, Ahmet and both Michaela’s. After breakfast, i went back to my room to change, because i didnt think about putting on my bathing suit before i left, on account of just waking up. I had to the ring the doorbell, which woke up my little german brother, for a second time. (HAHA - he didnt get even get to go back to sleep because the good morning song came on, on full volume). I put my bathing suit on and headed out to the front of the hotel to wait for our shuttle to the drop point. The ride out there was through the Turkish countryside, and i didnt nap on the way there, so that i could see all the views. We had to drive through the turkish mountains to get there. (I only took pictures on the way home.. but not many.) It was a lot of farming land on the way. I saw many people out in the field as well as these little teepee things made out of what i believe was wheat bundles that they wanted to dry. It is all very old fashioned over here. I also saw an older woman hacking away at the individual bundles with some kind of scythe thing.

When we got to the spot where we collect our rafting equipment, we had to wait for the other shuttles to arrive, so we sat on benches until they were ready to give the demonstration. They asked if anyone was an english speaker, and i was the only one who spoke english out of like 50+ people. They wanted me to separate from my group, but my friends said that they would translate for me. (I have gone rafting i think 4 times before, and it was basically all the same from the canadian experiences). A man came by with strings to attach to our glasses so that we wouldnt lose them, and then they told us that we needed to get shoes, a lifejacket and a helmet. We put all of those on, and then reboarded the bus to drive down to the drop point. The first thing i noticed was that the water was so clear. Then they told us that it was basically 12 degree weather. Holy freezing! They separated us into groups, and all of us got to go in the same raft, along with another couple and their 3 kids. The youngest one was this LIIIITTTLE BOY, and it worked out to our advantage in the end because the other boats wouldnt purposely splash us due to the guide telling the other boats that we had a little kid who was freezing in the boat.

Our guide was an english speaker. And he was FUNNY. Joyce and the blonde Michaela were messing with him the whole time, and near the end, they managed to throw him in the water. When he got back in, he threw the blonde michaela in the water, and then another guide asked who threw him in, and he pointed at Joyce, which is when the other guide used the handle of his paddle to grab the back of her lifejacket and pull her also into the water. He later told me that he thought about telling the guy that it was me, but i looked like i might kill him. Hahaha. It was absolutely hilarious (and quite skillful to be honest) that with only the handle of his paddle, he was able to knock her into the water.

We didnt get to take our cameras, due to the fact there was a lot of water and swimming involved, but that was okay. Not long into our rafting trip, we stopped at this place where there was an ancient Roman bridge, from when Turkey was still Rome. It was built over this canyon (i googled and found a picture that i will share), and we stopped to take a look, then we were allowed to walk on top of it. Probably the oldest man made thing i will ever stand on. It was very sturdy, and also pretty high up. We could also cliff jump off of a ledge lower than the bridge, but nobody in our group jumped. The guide that pulled Joyce into the water, told us that if we werent going to cliff jump off of it, then we at least had to go for a swim in it. So we all had to grab the lifejacket of the person in front of us and in a line cross the river. Again, freezing. When we got up the other side, we walked back down to where the rafts were and got back in to continue down the river. The name of the canyon was Köprülü canyon and i believe the river was called Kopru. The trip offered incredible mountainous views, very cold rapids and we even saw some sheep.

After we got back from rafting, Andrea and i went down to the pool. The water in the pool was cold, but nowhere near as cold as rafting. Andrea doesnt speak english, and i dont speak german, so using google translate, we were able to communicate. I am really glad that it is 2017 and we can use things like electronic translators to communicate. She told Markus that if the language barrier was non existant, we would probably be best friends. I told her that the language barrier means nothing, and we are great friends.

Then we had dinner. A russian lady cut in front of me and tried to hand a plate to someone else, i reached for it and got a very dirty look. If she would have understood me, i would have told her to get the fuck to the back of the line like everyone else. However, she couldnt understand me, and just continued on her rude as fuck way.

After dinner, we went for a drive over to the mall so that we could see about booking Joyce a bus to go on a hot air balloon tour, and then into the mall which was closing, and then we were going to go to another bazaar but Ahmet wanted to watch soccer instead so we went for a walk and did some shopping, near the hotel As per usual, i bought a bunch of stuff. Some sweatpants, a couple tshirts and some magnets, turkish delight and some other little stuff. I love the shopping here!

After shopping we went to the hotel bar for some drinks (and by some, i mean like we grabbed like 6 beers, 6 sex on the beaches, some baileys shots and i think a couple other mixed drinks), and then went up to our rooms after they turned the lights out on us in the bar, signifying that they were closed.

Once we were back settIed into our room, I grumbled to markus in a deep voice that i didnt finish writing in my blog and he went into a long loud goat laugh. I love his laugh. Michaela has a good one also, and after meeting their mother, i know where they get it.