#so REALLY i got a bunch of dumb christians to give me money that would eventually lead to me leaving the church and then also

[sureuncertainty]

that post about soliticing money from christians to go to a concert makes me think about all the funds I raised for my summer missions as a college student, and how much money I got people to give me so I could go and get disillusioned with christianity and begin my deconstruction of my faith bc I realized how toxic and nonsensical the evangelical church. and the funniest thing is that i DISTINCTLY remember feeling so awkward soliciting funds for that bc it didn’t make sense to me to be like here give me money so that I can go spend a summer working at d*sney world. and now i”m like ohhhh I felt weird about it because that was EXACTLY what i was doing?

[no-see-um-incorrect]

Teen Asher headcannon’s 

When they were teens, Asher saved up a bunch of his allowance to buy a new game he really wanted. David needed to get a few things for the house  so he went with him, and Milo tagged along 

Milo was looking in the clothes, David was in home supply, Asher was in video games/electronics 

And Milo sees this green and white letterman jacket with MG embroidered on it. Asher(game in hand) walks over to Milo, who is staring at the jacket 

“oOoOoOo nice jacket!”

Milo lifts up the price tag ”……nice jacket, dumb price” and walks away

Immediately, Asher sets the game on the shelf next to him and start looking through the sizes

“MILO! What size are you?” Milo turns around.

“…I don’t got enough money Ash”

“I know YOU don’t but I do. what’s your size?”

“ash, I can’t ask you to do that”

“YOUR not asking. if you don’t tell me your size, I’m just gonna guess”

“…..Large…..”

That day, Milo left the mall with his jacket. David left with his home supplies.  and Asher left video gameless but with a smile on his face.

(that one was long and cheesy. Let’s speed it up)

 Asher and a tank used to sit on the roof of the pack den and throw shit at Christian 

Asher was and still is a One Direction fan 

At school, a bunch of kids were making fun of Amanda, because she bled through her pants. So Asher splashed a bunch of water on his pants so it looked like he pissed himself (for those of you who get the reference. Like in Billy Madison)

David was his first kiss. it was through a game of spin the bottle 

One of Asher’s famous phrases growing up was

“I may have been a mistake, but I was never a regret!”

Asher ask tank to prom because he knew that they weren’t going to go if no one asked 

One year for Halloween he got dressed up as a clown (not remembering that David’s dad is afraid of clowns) and Gabe accidentally clocked him 

Asher didn’t know how to spell algebra (still doesn’t)

his first job was working as a stock boy at a liquor store (to this day he still questions why they gave that job to a 16-year-old)

Out of all of them, Asher is the one who got hurt the most. Hence why he is so familiar with Marie’s rations of shit. 

After his sister said that she was moving to Michigan they got into a big fight and he stayed at David’s house for like two weeks 

Absolutely swept the floor with whoever he was playing with in Uno 

He would very frequently go into his sisters room and steal her makeup and skirts 

When he was begging for his parents to say yes, to something, he would shift and give them literal puppy dog eyes 

Haven’t done something like this in what feels like a minute 

Hope you guys enjoyed. I hope you have a fantastic week. Stay hydrated, eat some food.  all that good stuff.  Love you💋💋💋

[kaihavoc]

Cloud 29

a/n: inspired by my new two favorite videos: this and this one

Lingering just outside the Chelsea locker room, I wait until I see the last person leave. Well, second to last. Christian passes me by with a toothy grin, telling me to “take good care” of my boyfriend tonight because he earned it. Laughing nervously, I just give him a polite wave, acting like he didn’t just give me that advice, and sneak inside the locker room. There’s only one person who hasn’t burst through the doors and come out to join the festivities. The superstar––the hero––of today’s match. Kai Havertz. 

I know Kai; he’s got to be swirling with composed excitement, taking his time to revel in this momentous occasion without the chaos of overexcited screams and cheers. I can just imagine his humble smile, those crinkles rippling across his cheeks, that endearing overbite he’s always been so insecure about. The mere thought of him puts a smile on my face. 

I only need to take a few steps when I see him. Considering he’s the only person left in the locker room, he wasn’t that hard to find. I pause in my tracks, absorbing the sight of him: sweaty, shirtless, head down with his back against the metal locker. I make no noise, but he must sense a presence because his head snaps up. Our eyes meet, and his face lights up as he bounds over to me, tackling me in a hug. He towers over me, but that doesn’t stop him from practically leaping into my arms. Yeah, as if I have the upper body strength to carry him. Sometimes I think he forgets I’m not as physically fit as his teammates.

I open my mouth, about to congratulate him, but the dullness in his blue eyes stops me. Something’s off. He’s happy to see me, that’s clear, but, otherwise, he’s not as ecstatic as I thought he would be. Why isn’t he? Not only did his team win the Champions League, but he scored the winning goal. His first goal of the Champions League, no less––he went out with a bang. He should be over the moon. 

“You look festive,” Kai comments, playfully tugging on one of my pigtails. I wanted to try something new, so I had tied my long hair into pigtails with two royal blue ribbons. Aside from that, I’m just in my typical outfit I wear whenever he plays a game: one of his old jerseys that he gave me when we first started dating and black leggings. I had considered spicing things up by painting Kai’s initials on my cheeks with blue face paint, but when I brought the idea up to him over dinner last week, he just said he knew a better method to brand me as his. I left it at that without inquiring further, even though I was curious by what, exactly, he had in mind. 

“You look… hot,” I gulp, my eyes traveling down his long, toned torso. No matter how many times I’ve seen him shirtless after a practice or a game, or in only a towel after a shower, I’ll never get tired of seeing him half-naked. Or fully naked, at that. 

“You look hot, too,” he murmurs into my hair, still embracing me tightly. “I just didn’t want to say that because I was trying to be gentlemanly.” Cupping my face with his large hands, he proceeds to kiss me, feverish and rough. He nips at my bottom lip and doesn’t even wait for me to open my mouth before invading it, battling my tongue with his. His ferocity gets my blood pumping and the pit of my stomach tingling, but it’s all wrong. I’m necessarily complaining, but this isn’t how he usually greets me. He typically welcomes me with a soft, delicate kiss before anything else. Is this because I haven’t congratulated him on his win yet? 

“I’m so proud of you, Kai. You and the guys really deserve this,” I say sincerely, but he pretends like he doesn’t hear me, going in for another attack on my mouth. To that, I shrink a little and he catches on, sighing as he takes a step back, his thick eyebrows furrowed together. I notice that the ribbons in my hair are loose, so I quickly readjust them as I try to read Kai’s expression. He still looks… dissatisfied. Maybe some ego boosting would do the trick? 

“Everyone’s raving about how you’re a tactical genius. How your skill and precision are unparalleled. How you’re on top and you haven’t even reached your peak yet,” I ramble, trying to recall every headline I’ve ever read in the news this past week. Oh, and also, you’ve got the cutest bum out of any football player in the history of football.  

“Not everyone,” he growls in a dark voice, messing up his curly brown locks by snatching them with his hand. His face twists with irritation. “Right after the game, a reporter came up to me and asked me if I thought I finally paid back my hefty price tag.” 

“And how did you respond?” I ask, curious. Usually he doesn’t get so riled up over post-game interviews, but perhaps his transfer fee is a touchy subject for him and he just never told me. In an attempt to calm him down a bit, I take his hand into mine and lead him to a section of the bench lined along the lockers. We sit so that we’re facing each other, and I weave my legs around his torso, nearly straddling him. But not quite.

“I think I said… ‘I don’t give a fuck of that. We just won the fucking Champions League’,” he says slowly, his nose scrunched up in concentration as he recalls his response.

I stifle a laugh. His cussing is not a regular occurrence, it’s not entirely uncommon either, but whenever he does curse, it catches me off guard. Maybe it has something to do with that pretty face of his, as if foul language shouldn’t be coming from it. “You’re right; you did just win the Champions League, so you shouldn’t be hard on yourself,” I say, lightly poking him in the bicep. He doesn’t seem to appreciate my stab at lighthearted reassurance, so I go for a different approach. Tough love. “Okay, fine. Chelsea may have paid a lot of money for you, but that’s because you’re worth it, Kai. You don’t have to prove your abilities to anyone––even though you already proved them tonight plus your whole career thus far. People are always going to have something negative to say, but you put in the work and it shows in every game. Don’t let anyone get to you, especially not a reporter; they’re just trying to get some dirt.” I’m not used to giving pep talks, so I’m not sure if I did it right.

I must’ve done something right because his frown is replaced with a slight smile. “Thank you, baby,” he says, pecking me on the cheek. One Kai’s best qualities is that not much gets to him; and if it does, it doesn’t take him long to get over it. Annoying interview question long forgotten, he traces patterns on my thigh and tells me, “The boys are going to a nightclub tonight to celebrate our win. Come with me.” To aid in his plea, he grabs both of my hands, squeezing them, his pale blue eyes gleaming with hope.

“A nightclub?” I repeat, making a sour face. “You know better than anyone that I don’t belong at a nightclub.” I want to suggest just a cozy night in, watching his favorite film of the Harry Potter series, Goblet of Fire, and cuddling, but I don’t want to take this celebratory night with his friends away from him.

“You belong with me, and it just so happens that tonight I’m being dragged to a nightclub,” he says. I don’t say anything, and his face falls, presumably because he recognizes his bid to get me to go is a lost cause.  

“You go,” I encourage, trying to sound upbeat as I pat his thigh. “Have your fun.”

“Really?” he asks. “Are you sure?” He gives me a dubious look, one eyebrow severely cocked. 

I squint at him quizzically. “Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He looks me dead in the eyes. “Babe. Let’s not forget what happened the last time I went out for drinks with the team for Timo’s birthday. I came back home with a ripped shirt because a bunch of girls pounced on us, and you wouldn’t talk to me for a whole week. You didn’t believe me.”

“That’s because it’s an unbelievable story,” I mumble.

“You accused me of hooking up with another girl,” he reminds me, his mesmerizing eyes narrowing at me, causing my cheeks to heat up and my skin to crawl with guilt. Now that he’s mentioned it, I do remember that incident. Vividly. It happened around the beginning of our relationship, when I still didn’t know how serious Kai was about me, about us. Regardless, I should’ve known that Kai would never be unfaithful to me. That’s simply not who he is. He has never once given me an inkling of a doubt of his loyalty. I blame my foolish allegation on my insecurity over our blossoming relationship, but I’m long past that… 

“You’re too friendly, Kai,” I sigh, ruffling his hair to make it seem more like a concern and less like an accusation. “It makes girls think they can have a chance with you.”

“Girls?” Kai scoffs, shaking his head in pure denial. How can someone so intelligent be such a dumb boy sometimes? “What girls? That happened one time, and it wasn’t only me who got jumped. The whole team did.” Like that makes the situation any better, Kai.

“I’m not dating the whole team! I’m dating you, and you’re only going to get bigger and I… I just want you all to myself,” I admit. My head falls, weighted by a vicious mix of embarrassment and shame. 

“Well, I know something that’s big that you can have all to yourself,” he says coyly, with a self-righteous smirk.

“I’m serious, Kai,” I say, frowning at him in return. “You’re young, talented, attractive. Girls are going to be lining up for you, and soon I’ll just be chopped liver.”

“Chopped liver?” he hoots, obviously unfamiliar with the expression. 

My frown deepens as I huff, “You’re going to forget all about me.”

“I think if anyone’s guilty of forgetting anything, it’s you. You’re already forgetting that I’m in love with you,” he coos, sliding closer to me, dusting my neck and collarbones with soft-lipped kisses.

“Get away from me. You’re all sweaty,” I complain––mostly so as to not give into his seduction techniques too easily––but it’s half-hearted.

“You’re about to be, too,” he growls, lifting me and dropping me on his lap. I can feel him harden underneath me, and I respond by rocking my body against his, inciting staggered, tense moans from the both of us at the same time. The sounds that come out of his mouth are music to my ears. With a hunger to hear more, I reach in between us, stroking his length through his thin shorts, loving how fully aroused he gets at my slight touch. His breathing quickens, but when I don’t hear anything from him, I look at him, witnessing his bottom lip in between his teeth, suppressing those sweet moans I so desperately want to hear him make. 

Suddenly, he’s tugging at my leggings; he’s so aggressive that I’m afraid he’s going to rip them. After he shimmies them off, I kick them to the side, and Kai’s eyes ravage the bottom half of my body. I’m thankful I had the good foresight to wear lace panties instead of my go-to granny panties, but at this point they’re drenched. They have been ever since I walked in and saw Kai; just one look at him does unspeakable things to me. His ability to reduce me to a mere puddle with just his eyes is unnerving. 

He removes my shirt and purses his lips when he sees that I’m not wearing a bra. My chest is ample-sized, but I can comfortably go without a bra––often doing just that––and it drives him mad. He says I shouldn’t go prancing around braless because I’ll be practically naked when ogling guys undress me with their eyes. I say that doesn’t make sense.

He yanks his shorts and boxers down in one swoop, and the heat between my legs intensifies. If his massive hands and long fingers were any indication of what he has to offer, the blanks fill themselves out––he’s glorious. I can’t help but gawk and admire him; Kai is perfect in every singular way. If I had no self-control, I’d lick every inch of his pale skin. I lower myself onto him and gasp with pleasure when just the tip enters me. Slowly, I bounce up and down on him, each time driving him deeper inside me until he fills me completely. My head rolls back as I continue the rhythmic movement, and I moan when he licks a stripe in the valley between my breasts. My fingers tangle themselves in his curly locks as he takes one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking on it while tinkering with the other between his fingertips.

“Oh, Kai,” I whine, feeling the intolerable pressure building up in my stomach.

“That’s it, baby,” Kai purrs against my chest as I tighten around him. “Say my name. Just like that.”

“K-Kai––” I cry, quivering against his body; my vision is blurry and I’ve lost function in my legs. Kai’s taken over, his fingers digging into my hips, thrusting into me, hitting my most sensitive spot time after time. I’m on the verge of seeing stars when it all stops. Before my brain can process what’s happening, I’m balancing on all fours on the bench as Kai positions himself behind me, his erection rubbing against me. With one thrust, he buries himself inside me, reaching around to rub my clit in a slow circular motion. I was not prepared for that. The combination of sensations is enough to drive me over the edge, but what drives me even crazier is the heat as he presses his firm chest up against my back.

“Who do you belong to?” he demands in my ear, humming. I tune him out, focusing on getting my fix and nothing more. I can barely get his name out, what makes him think I can have a coherent conversation? “I don’t like being ignored,” he warns sharply.

My arms and legs are shaky, and the only thing keeping me from crumbling to the floor are his hands, holding me steady as he rolls his hips. “You,” I finally breathe.

“Dunno who that is,” he drawls, and I could swear he’s purposely applying more pressure to his accent just to mock me.

“You. Kai,” I hiss and close my eyes to try to block him out, but that only heightens my senses to everything he’s doing to me.

“Kai who? There are many Kais,” he says matter-of-factly. His fingers slow down around my sensitive area, and I’m afraid he’s going to withhold euphoria from me.

“Kai––fucking––Havertz,” I half moan, half gasp as his fingers pick up their pace and he slams into me, the final push that sends me soaring into bliss. I never cuss unless I have a really good reason for it and lashing my frustration out on the infuriating tease that is Kai Havertz is a good enough reason for me. However, he makes up for his devilish nature by understanding every nook and cranny of my body. On cloud nine, I ride out the high to the fullest extent before my body goes fully limp. I suck in a breath when he pulls out, only to feel the warm liquid on my back coming in spurts.

“Fuck,” he moans, and I just wish I could watch him as he comes undone. I think it’s hot when he releases his load on me––I like it best when he does it on my chest. So I can marvel at him with his sweat-matted hair, throbbing Adam’s apple, and fluttering eyelids. He wipes my back with his/my jersey and pulls me into his lap. 

“The way you moan my name, I’ll never be able to forget you,” he sighs, nibbling on my neck.

“How romantic,” I tease. But really, I’d be content calling out only his name for the rest of my life. Kai fucking Havertz.

“C’mon, baby, let’s get you cleaned up,” he says, rising to his feet cheerfully. His fingers lace in mine as he starts for the shower stalls. My heart thumps wildly in my chest as my feet pad excitedly across the tile floor alongside him. Another great quality about Kai: his stamina is unmatched, on and off the football field.

*a/n: if you do by chance read this, I’d love to know what you think of it!

[vivithefolle]

Hi Vivi, can you share some thoughts on the "Hermione deserves to be/should have married to XYZ because she is way too good for Ron" mentality of this fandom??

I’m gonna copy-paste a Quora answer of mine, because recycling is important!

Claiming that Ron is “out of Hermione’s league” is a statement rooted in sexism, classism and probably a bunch of other -isms.

It might seem like I’m just throwing buzz-words around but let me explain.

First off, the sexism.

Oh, the sexism.

As I’ve pointed it out in yet another one of my answers  (I’m so sorry for drowning you all in a plethora of links), Ron is very much a female-coded male character.

Ron is emotional, wears his heart on his sleeve, has anxieties and inadequacies, walks off in order to cool down, has a temper, puts other people before his needs, and pretty much adopts Harry when he rescues him in the second book. He’s the Heart of the Trio: he doesn’t rely on sole logic, he can believe something without proof, he is sensitive and thus is the easiest to hurt emotionally.

Whether you call it a “beta male”, a “wuss”, “defying gender roles” or a “soft boy” is your own business, but the core of it is that Ron doesn’t meet the standards for people’s vision of a “desirable” masculine figure.

The little things Ron quietly performs in the books - when he helps Harry into his pyjamas in Chamber of Secrets because Harry’s arm is bloop; when he’s worrying about Hermione’s whereabouts in Prisoner of Azkaban; when he helps Harry unwind after his visions in Goblet of Fire; when he puts food onto Harry’s plate and wakes him up from his nightmares in Order of the Phoenix; when he beams that Hermione was “perfect, obviously” when she passes her Apparition test - all those caring gestures don’t seem like much, but if you bother to think about it, they paint an enormous picture.

Who gets Hermione to stop overworking while making her feel good about her accomplishments? Who comforts Harry from his nightmares and cares for him in the dead of the night, when nobody is awake? Who makes sure his friends are healthy and happy? Who wards off the dark and depressing thoughts, be it with his fists or a joke?

It’s Ron.

When you think about it, “traditional masculinity” in Harry Potter is as much frowned upon as “traditional feminity” is - which sometimes bites Rowling in the butt when you remember how she obviously seems to consider that Hermione and Ginny are the only desirable kind of girls.

Vernon Dursley? The entrepreneur “king of the household” prejudiced suburbian middle-class Dad? Fits in the usual tropes of traditional masculinity.

Dudley Dursley? The typical “boys will be boys” spoiled middle-class only child who’s the apple of his parents’ eyes and even takes up boxing, as if he wasn’t traditionally masculine enough.

Draco Malfoy? See Dudley, but toss in “upper-class posh aristocrat bully who doesn’t like to get his hands dirty so he has henchmen do it for him because he’s too rich for this sh-t”, would remind you of a few Christian Greys or Gatsbys.

Dolores Umbridge? Oh no, cat pictures, decorative plates, talks to teens as if they’re babies and PINK, SO MUCH PINK!!! So disgustingly feminine!!

Rowling very much frowns upon traditional gender roles - with Molly Weasley being an exception because Rowling feels very strongly about being a mother, and relates to Molly a lot.

Right - so, being a beautiful mess of paradoxes and contradictions (a “soft boi” who also punches bullies in the face, a fussy mother-hen who swears like a sailor, a tall athlete with badass scars on his arms who’s nurturing and sweet; in short, a wonderfully human character), Ron is obviously going to be a polarizing character. You painfully relate to him and get defensive when he’s criticized, you feel his characterization hits a bit too close to home so you hate him, or you disregard him completely because you can’t see anything “special” about him…

Now, onto another very, very sexist point that is often made.

People say that Hermione “deserves better” than Ron, often claiming that they “aren’t intellectual equals”, then citing Harry (who is mistaken as being some sort of slumbering genius but honestly, the kid is really a bit daft) or Draco (since apparently, being rich must equal to being intelligent) or, god forbid, Snape (because he’s a teacher and teachers are meant to be clever).

Soooo, I could go the loooooong way and pull out all the receipts that prove that none of these characters are perfectly intellectually matched to Hermione…

Or I could go the long way and simply give you this: this obsession with finding an “intellectual equal” for Hermione reflects the mentality of “women are not allowed to be better at something than their husband”.

Yep.

A woman has to be all-around pretty good at everything, whereas a man has to be the absolute best in his area of greatest competence (surely better than any puny female!) with a help-meet there to compensate for his weaknesses. People are very, very uncomfortable when Ron and Hermione reverse this dynamic. Hermione is extremely intelligent and dedicated to intellectual pursuits, but is complete pants at things like self-care and people skills. Ron is bright enough to keep up with her and strong in her areas of weakness.

Even if Ron was as dumb as a sack of rocks (he’s not), his other virtues are more than enough to “justify” Hermione loving him. (Because she needs an excuse?) But no. A woman has to be with a man who outdoes her in her area of greatest strength. - credit to @lytefoot

People don’t want Hermione to be with a man who’s her “equal.” They want her to be with a man who can be The Man so she can know the contentment of being The Woman.

But, with this sexist line of thought, how do we justify how Ron is supposed to be such a bad match for Hermione? Because if it was just about mere sexism, Romione would surely be more popular. Imagine! Ron happily raising the children, being a house-husband and proud of it, while Hermione is out there fighting for justice in the wizarding world! What a power-couple, defying norms and gender roles and not being the least bit conscious of it, prime OTP material for sure! So why do people still want Hermione to put Harry, Draco, or god forbid², Snape in Ron’s place? Is this an irrational hatred of redheads? An Harmionian’s delirious wet dream? A failure to separate the actors from their characters?

It’s all this and, quite frankly, something more: the inherent classism that comes with Ron’s status as an explicitly working-class coded character.

I know, I know, “Vivian! Calm down with the buzzwords, you’re starting to sound like an online pretend-feminist magazine!”

Or “Come on, people who don’t ship Ron and Hermione together aren’t all sexist or classist!”

Of course, of course! I know that! I’m not implying that!

But some of the “reasons” why they claim that Ron and Hermione can’t work - are extremely classist in nature, that’s just it!

Come on, think about it! What are the Number Ones arguments people always pull against Ron? Or the most common Ron-bashing tropes (look at fanfics and watch the number of stories that use at least one of those)?

Ron is stupid/mediocre

Ron is lazy/useless

Ron resents his wife’s hard work/success

Ron is a homophobe

Ron is a drunkard

Ron (the big prude who at 16 had never kissed a girl and sees a first kiss as the prelude to a wedding) is massively oversexed and cheats on Hermione with anything that moves

Not only do these “reasons” completely ignore ALL OF RON’S CHARACTERIZATION - except for the “lazy” bit but come off it, all teenagers are lazy and Hermione’s the exception to the rule - but it matches perfectly with the negative stereotypes associated with working-class white men in fiction.

It’s also very funny to note how many (assumedly middle-class or financially secure) fans look down on Ron for being “whiny” or “greedy” when he expresses the desire to have money of his own, or blame his parents for “not knowing when to stop” or “being irresponsible”, or even look down on them for being “too proud to accept help”!! Also how shocked people are when Ron dares to stand up for himself when Hermione or Harry act badly towards him. How dare this country boy not listen to the wisdom of his social “betters”?

So, obviously, because our Heroine can’t go with a Nasty, Mediocre Working-Class Man, she must be paired off with someone of Proper Status: say, a Hero that was raised in a middle-class home and might be a bit psychologically damaged but it’s nothing all those gold coins in his vault can’t fix; or this Rich Posh Aristocrat who actively rooted for her death, he’s a little bit eccentric and has some exotic pet-names to call you, but I’m sure you’ll learn to love him and will unearth the gold coins in his bank account… I mean, the heart of gold that lies within the surface; oh, why not a Way Too Big An Age Difference Teacher if you’re looking for a “cultured man” who has zero things in common with you; we can also bring Convenient Plot Device Famous Rich Foreign Athlete if you want some diversity and you don’t feel original!

But we can’t - oh, we mustn’t let her be with this Terrible Working-Class Boy! His brothers are fine, they have money, they have jobs, so they’re obviously Not As Mediocre. But let our precious Hermione be with this Just-Got-Out-Of-School hooligan? She can’t possibly be in love with him! You’ll see darling, you’ll get bored eventually! He’s too mediocre for you, you deserve a man who outclasses you - I mean, who can provide for you! You’re a fragile little flower who scars people for life when she’s not happy with them, what makes you think that this boy can possibly handle you even though he’s done so for the past seven years?

You wanted it, you got it.

People are shallow, have misconceptions about Ron’s character that they are unwilling to correct or use classist and sexist arguments to try to make it so that either Ron is the Devil himself / Hermione is a higher kind of being that can only orgasm if sufficiently “intellectually stimulated” / what-have-you.

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Boss Maybe/ Family Bonding

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Loud House weekly coverage continues as Leni is pushed into the deep end of responsiblity and taking over Lori’s old role of babysitter while her parents are gone and promptly drowns in a sea of comedy clubs, human body parts both on screen and in the fridge, old men in holes and indoor beach volley ball. 

First things first: Last week I forgot to mention Rusty’s mustache freezing off as god, wether it be the judeo-christian god, Odin, that prick Zeus, the flying spagehtti monster or one of many other gods out there. Perhaps all of them did it at once out of hatred for the little weiner. Maybe one of them finally answered my prayers which in that case, that was nice and all but there are far worse things going on i’d prefer you took care of. Also the “stuff I couldn’t fathom” turned out to be just more loudcest, because of course it did. Loudcest is like David Spade, you think it’s finally gone or isn’t doing as much but then it comes around and makes the wrong missy and you waste 90 minutes of your life thinking i’td be so bad it’s good when it’s really just boring and a waste of it’s main actress talent. I lost track of that metaphor, but Loudcest is like david spade in that people like it for reasons I can’t fathom and it hasn’t quietly faded into the background for reasons I can’t fathom, though at least david spade was funny once. So maybe Loudcest isn’t like david spade. or maybe i’ve been taking too long with this bit. 

But whlie last week was a bit wonky it also had a lot to setup.. but now it’s time to see what the show does with all the setup over, and a lot of new possiblities ahead. PItter Patter!

The Boss Maybe Ah now this is exactly what I was hoping for this season. New situations brought about by the year-up and all the changes it brought, with the same old heart and humor and character progression that drew me back into the show. This is the kind of episode i love and have talked about in the past and dosen’t fall into any of the shows usual pitfalls in the process. Just great. I could end it there but I haven’t shut up before why do it now.  So this episode focuses on Leni who I talked about a bit last week and easily had the best plot and in general tends to have good episodes, both before and after the show became an ensemble piece, and even in episodes without her tends to slide in just fine. She’s always a nice breath of fresh air when she shows up. 

I think that’s due to a number of things. For one it’s how sweet a person she is: She’s genuinely nice, kind and well meaning. While she is dumb as a box of rocks that resemble Pauly Shore, what I like is her stupidity isn’t malicious, or overused for misery. She causes comical injuries from time to time with it but she’s quick to apologize iff she realises it and usualyly has no ill will to anybody unless provoked or fighting Lori over a dress despite them wearing the same clothes all the time. I know standard animation thing but it’s always weird to me when shows with a stock outfit for a character have a fashionista, and prefer when shows have stylish characters actually change outfits like Kim Possible did with it’s title character, Xiaolin Showdown did with Kimiko and of all things LIttlest Petshop did with Blythe. Granted Blythe is a nothing of a character but still, credit where it’s due. But I do get this is also a nick show and they givet hem the budget of 50 cents and a network memo that says “BEG US FOR MORE MONEY” written in blood, so fair enough. 

That aside she’s just plesant to watch. The other factor is Liliana Mumy. If you haven’t heard of her , she’s a vetran voice actress whose been doing this on and off since she was a kid, voicing Panini on chowder as a child and later going on to voice Beth in bravest warriors among other roles. Why she only does work so ocasionaly I have no idea but when she does she’s great. She’s also the son of fellow child actor BIll Mumy, aka the guy who as a kid played Anthony Fremont from the Twilight Zone classic “It’s A Good Life”, which if you haven’t seen it is about a small child who has the power of a god and thus can banish people who are “bad”, i.e. disobey him and thus rules over a small town as a creepy and cruel despot. Oh and he can read minds so if you dare to have a thought he dosen’t like your getting banished, with no telling what that means or where anyone disappeared goes. It’s good stuff. Highly recommend it, Mumy is absolutley terrifing and a brilliant actor even at that age and I wish he’d done more as an adult. I also bring it up because Lily played his daughter when they did a sequel episode during the UPN version of the show, set decades later and showing just what the little terror was like grown up... as well as what happens when his DAUGHTER gets the power. It was also really good and worth a watch after the first one. Good stuff. 

TLDR: Leni is one of my faviorites, so’s her voice actress, i’ve rambled enough about unrelated stuff at this point. 

We open at the mall, where for Leni life begins after schol, that’s when we bend all the rules time to hang with all her friends in the place where she belongs!

I mean technically she’s 17 now, but she was 16 when she started this job and none of them were 16 by the time the show ended so nyeh. This started in season 3 when the show started giving the girls not just their own stories but their own supporting casts., storylines, love intrests etc. Luna and Luaan got their romance plots with Sam and Benny, Lori got her college plot towards the end of the season, Lynn’s friends started showing up in her plots more, Luna’s mortuariy club went from assorted background friends of hers to a full fleged supporting crew, and of course Lincoln’s friend group started to become a recurring part of his plots away from his sisters. 

For Leni, being one of the only three kids that could legally work at the time, another possible plot to dig into, and with Luna having way less incentive to get a 9-5 job with her music to work on and the fact we’ve seen her use said music to make money once in a blue moon, Leni was a good choice. It gave her something she was good at besides fashion, even if it’s fashion adjacent and gave us a new supporting cast for those stories: Her boss Mrs. Redinger, your standard “i’m tough by fair” type, and her new friends Fiona and Miguel, two fellow fashion savy teens played by actors i’d never heard of but who do a damn good job and play off her well, with both being a bit sarcastic but Fiona being a bit more mopey and deadpan and Miguel being a possibly but defintely gay teen. Both play off her well by being more down to earth and more wiling to be negative, but still enjoyable enough to be around you can buy them being friends with Leni and their a stellar addition to the cast. I wish, much like we’ve gotten with Liam lately, we could see more of them outside leni stories. Their a treat. 

But I really like Leni’s work there. Besides the cast it puts Leni in a role of responsiblity she excels at. My only real problem is her boyfriend, maybe I dunno, Chaz, one of the ONLY love intrests from l is for love to get mentioned again and one of the more intresting ones, never shows up despite also working at hte mall and the story potetial of them working for rival stores or the same store. I mean I can’t blame them for not throwing another love intrest on the pile when they had two ongoing romance plots, but now both Luna and Luann are on steady ground with their steadies, it’s time to pull that trigger, get off hte ground and eat that horse. Also let LIncoln have one again will ya? It dosen’t have to be stella but Girl Jordan is right there, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.. where is she. And if not her just make one you’ve proven to actually be really good at it. 

Where was I? Ah yes the mall. Leni is doing great at her job, suggesting some gloves to scoots, who ceases being skeptical when a hunky younger man of 30 something compliments her on them them chases off after him. If you don’t remember who scoots was that’s the old lady on a scooter who makes troulbe and appareltly can still get it. Good for her. Granted this is coming from someone who ships eda and stan pines still even though it’s now revealed she’s 30 but... frankly I don’t think age is a concern with her and stan can make this joke, so it evens out. 

I mean he would right? I”m getting off topic even more than usual, point is Leni is doing great and her boss takes her to the break room for cake room... it’s just the one cake but can you imagine a cake room? that’s the life. Just a fridgerated room full of cake. 

Turns out she’s EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. And she didn’t have to chain squidward to an ancient battle ship to get it or anything. After some confusion, Fiona has to clarify it’s NOT her birthday because of course she does, Leni is proud. Full of cake and pride she tells her mom whose decided to reward her good job at work.. by dumping a bunch of respnosiblity on her.  I kid. Rita is being somewhat resonable here. She asks Leni to take over Lori’s old role of babysitting/making sure the other 10, now 9 kids don’t burn the house down... no really she actually specifies that when leaving in the next scene. Which.. fair enough.. you have 11 kids, all likely to plug in a lot of stuff especially Luna and Lisa, said Lisa is a mad scientest who ends up nearly being the one to do it this time, Lynn has no common sense, and the younger ones who aren’t mad scientst are still reckless and vain and combattive respectivley so the odds of a house fire nearly breaking out on any given night are 1:1. But Leni in a show of self doubt that’s rare for her is scared (Though her revealing that by answering a question of how she’d feel about about babysitting the kids with “Scared” was fucking gold. I swear Lily’s deliveries are always so great. ), and while Rita assures her she’s not sure. But as I said, she is being resonable: While Leni’s not the brightest she’s kind, she’s been shown even before her recent major award she’s responsible, she’s babysat for other people’s kids, and she’s kind. I mean they COULD put Luna or Luaan in charge but while when I first read the preview blurb for this episode I was cuirous why they didn’t think of that or thought they would, this episode does a good job presenting WHY they’d do it, while other episodes fill in the gaps: Luna is a bit reckless and Luaan can get caught up in her bidness and as we know once a week goes through the green door and comes out a gamma monster fuled by the sound of her own laughter, a horrible mixture of the joker and madman.. the leader’s insane brother. I’m a huge nerd, you all know this. Leni is the right choice.

Despite her nerves Leni has little choice but to take it on and Mr. Loud proudly sees her out with ye olde english as he and Rita, with lily in a cute little knight’s helmet in tow, are going to a renisance fair to cater, with Lynn Sr needing the backup. And while you may say “what about his staff”.. their either going with and he just needs an extra pair of hands since it’ll be nuts, or some of them are staying behind to man Lynn’s Table while he’s out on his catering gig. I mean the man has plenty of time for his kids, he’s not at the restraunt 24 hours a day. Someone else has to run it when he’s gone. I asked internally why they didn’t just take them along.. then reminded myself that taking all 11 kids to the faire at once, without anyone to watch them and likely having to call in favors when jsuta s likely, Lynn Sr and Rita can take them all another day with presumibly free passes as part of the catering job as that sounds like the kinda thing he’d do. Also Senior’s into scarf’s now thanks to Leni, which I love. Looks good on him. Hank should give her a call. Ascots may be out but I think he could rock a scarf. I’ve had ventures on the brain.  What follows is naturally Leni having several panic attacks as chaos naturally insues btu without Lori’s lifetime of experince dealing with it. IT’s a nice dynamic: Leni, as we’ve established, has always been sort of Lori’s sidekick, her best friend, her amigo. Sure they fight, siblings do that, but they’ll always be there for each other when it counts. SHe’s never really had to THINK without her or be without her, so throwing her into the deep end of taking care of the kids really leaves her shook. It’s a HARD job, it’s probably why the louds don’t bring in babysitters often: there are 11 kids to look after, 10 now and only 9 tonight but still a LOT of them and most of htem pretty high maintince. It was just easier with Lori because she grew up knowing each of them, knowing each of their weaknesses and putting the fear of her righteous wrath into them. They’ve spent their whole lives looking up to her, literally and figuratvely, as their big sister and respecting her as the biggest authority in the house that’s nto her parents, sometimes bigger. Those aren’t just big shoes to fill , their Galactus size and that combined with her big sister worship leaves Leni understandably scared, lost and frequently paralized with anxiety this episode.  No really multiple times she just freezes and one times she screams. As someone with Anxiety disorder I related to this.. sometimes you either just break down or you just FREEZE from the stress and everything hitting you at once and have no idea how to progress while people are still barking at you to do something. It’s a lot but it was a nice touch that really added to her sympathy.   And her anxiety is also understandable when she’s being hit with 80 problems at once, which i’ll tackle all at once here rather than in order as this episode has a really frentic and good pace: while it follows the formula of “Leni runs into a problem, Leni freezes, then Leni gets help from Lori twice hten mr.grouse, more on that in am inute”, the quick pace and great jokes help keep things from feeling too repetivie. 

Anyways the chaos: Just from the start Lucy puts a possibly human liver in the fridge, Lana eats all the cookies then gets skunked by her pet skun, and Lola and Lynn get into a fight over 5 bucks Lynn found, and since Leni can’t just let one kill the other as nature intended she has to fix all this.. mostly by removing the smell with tomato juice and scaring off the skunk and cutting the dolar bill in half. Money dosen’t work that way as both sisters point out but frankly it’s Lola and Lynn, I don’t care who they feel. 

Meanwhile two of my other faviorties get into a tiff over their room: Luaan turns it into a comedy club and kicks luna out, with Scoots and her new man returning. Again, get it girl, get it, and Leni, under Lori’s advice, pretneding to be a fire marshall.. only for Luna towarsd the end to turn it into her own rock club. Lisa creates a corossive super substance that burns a hole in the floor, Lana continues to grapple with the skunk and finally Lincoln and Clyde.. watch a scary movie despite Lucy’s warnings.. and Lucy does something else.. I think? It was a chaotic episode with a lot of set pieces so forgive me if I forgot one of them. Honestly she’s the most well behaved there.But yeah as per the cliche Lincoln and Clyde, after Leni gets the wifi fixed with Mr. Grouse’s help, they get super scared and freaked. Everyomne is freaking, the house is falling apart and Senior wants permission to wear a pinky ring via thought cloud.. which.. no man no. Scarves yes but no one looks good with a pinky ring. No one. And I say that as amporphous blob covered in hair, sweat and regrets. 

As for how Leni deals with all this she leans on Lori, calling her twice, but at inportune times: during a golf game and at the library where said phone gets taken. Granted, I don’t get why she didn’t have it on silent, as I would in those situations, but then we wouldn’t have an excuse to include her and it feels necessary to show WHY Lori can’t just help all night or reassure her sister and with Lori gone the panic only intensifies. As I said she gets paralized with fear and later just outright screams.. which attracts an irate Mr Grouse, the next door neighbor who I need to watch more of’s episodes. Including 12 louds of leapin.. I know i’m way overdue on that. This december. Promise. 

The old man who yells at Louds helps for a bit, helping get rid of a beach Lynn set up because she’s lynn, she has the consderation of a puppy, but eventually falls in a hole like most great heroes and most elderly people. I mean the ones up the street at the retierment home must fall in once a week. They get out of course because the assitant living mole lets them ride out as it digs into the walls. Or maybe that was just a hallucination.  Eventually though the start at her job comes back as she calls the only people she has left for help: Fiona and Miguel, who are at the mall in chairs because of courser they are, and both are confused why she’s so helpless: She’s fantastic at work, she’s kind, confident and smart.. about certain things, she can do this. Besides helping her confidence with this really sweet moment they also give her a good tool for how to use said confdience from work: just treat her siblings as customers. It’s also a nice call back to how we’ve seen Leni learn way back in season 1 during “Driving Miss Hazy” we’ve seen that she can have troulble grasping things, but when you put it in terms she understands, like fashion, or shopping, or in this case helping customers with their issues, she snaps into it. She learns at her own pace in her own way, it’s why I think sh’es neurotypical, and possibly ont he spectrum like yours truly: while her stupidity isn’t part of that the unqiue way she processes things has me supscious. either way it works. 

So with a new strategy Leni.. literally adresses them like shoppers, which is comedy gold. However it’s a valid strategy:  besides the visualation part by getting them to form a line, instead of trying to handle 2 or 3 problems at once she simply handles them one at a time: She scares the skunk off again, shuts down both competing clubs in the older kids room, uses water to take out lisa’s universal solvant, gives Lola and Lynn 5 bucks instead of just cutting a ten in half this time, and in the sweetest moment of the episode, reads Clyde and Lincoln a childrens book to clam them down. Sure it’s  a bit funny but their genuine relief and all threes adorable expressions really melt the heart. 

Leni finally wins, just as her parents get home and congradulate her, Rita’s faith not misplaced. While Rita probably knew it’d be an adjustment, and frankly should’ve prepped her sooner, she knows her daughter and knows waht sh’es caapable of. Also Senior brought home meet and gives leni a turkey leg who gives it to the old man who now lives in a hole inside their house. That’s his home now. Mr Grouse is just there now. Or I wish he was. But I guess you can’t always get what you want epsecially if it’s an old man living in a hole in the loud’s living room. Someday.  Final thoughts for The Boss Maybe: As you could easily tell I loved this one. Funny with a hell of an emotional core, and with great pacing espeially for a loud house episode, this was a joy to watch and easily one of the best episodes the show has done. Just a funny, breezy watch with a lot of subtext, intetional or not, regarding what we’ve seen of Leni and honestly i’m going to go with intetional. It felt really rooted in who Leni is, her relationship with lori, and her work without hitting you over the head with it. It just all flowed really well and made for a hard one to top for the season this early. I’m impressed and it gives me hope for the rest of the season. 

Family Bonding

This one was.. okay. As i’ve learned the hard way from doing Amphibia when an episodes just okay it’s best to breeze through it.. but I can give it this. While it’s mostly a standard loud house episode the ending.. wasn’t predictable. That’s for sure. I mean.. it left me with only one thought really...

But i’m getting ahead of myself. The episode’s plot is standard for the most part: Lincoln’s obessed with a new spy comic book about a james bond expy.. okay so that’s what Sterling Archer did besides physical therapy for the three months between his waking up and Season 11.  Anyways they soon get more exciting news from Lynn. New Neighbors! Before Rita can stop them, the rest of her family tramples over her and goes to make their aqunatince and of course be a bit overbaring with it before Rita rushes in with a spray bottle to spray them like a bad dog because frankly when your dealing with 11 people most of whom are really impuslive, sometimes dog training just works. You try raising eleven kids and see how long before your brain breaks.  Anyways after introductions and the mom turning down cherry pie, you monsters, lincoln sees strange flashing lights and a device and is convinced something is up and unable to convince his family and on a spy kick, recurits clyde. Now why he dosen’t call on Stella and Zach I dunno. And yes I said Zach and not my boy Liam. I have my reasons: Stella, besides being a faviorite of mine, is a tech whiz as shown in one of the comics and in the cookie episode, and Liam is already a paranoid conspiracy nut and as we’ve seen with Dale Gribble, they can be suprisingly useful. I mean Dale is not the best on common sense but he knows goverment bilaws in and out, is skilled with a gun or a bag of pocket sand, and has danny trejo’s octavio, whose basically danny but as hired muscle instead of a master actor, on speed dial. I mean we don’t know if Zach dosen’t have a danny trejo on speed dial or not. We never asked.  As for the other two while I love LIam, spying just dosen’t seem to be in his sizeable skill set and Rusty.. well rusty’s about as subtle as a man covered in screeching cats he glued to himself blowing an airhorn, while screaming the script to a micheal bay movie while doing the explosion noises himself.. which Rusty has probbbly done.  The real thing i’m getting at is I don’t get why, outside of Clyde and LIam, the writers think when LIncoln has an epiosde it either just needs ot be ClyncolnMcCloud or the ENTIRE group, when one or two would do the trick. YOu CAN seperate them out. People do hang out with diffrent friends at diffrent times. I know the show’s grasp on reality is tenous at best, we got to that last week with the whole one teacher for core classes thing with schooled and this week.. again we’ll get to it in a second, but friends DO hang out seperate. We saw each member of the Lincrew, minus stella because she didn’t exist yet, doing their own thing in Racing Hearts. It’s not that complicated. It’s hard to flesht hem out when their used as one solid unit and not unresonable to just use one or two. it’s a lesson I hope the show learns eventually and hope it’s sister show learns too. 

But yeah our dynamic duo spend the episode as youd’ expect; unraveling conspriacies and stalking the new family, though there are some funny bits. Besides Rita squirting her family like a cat or a dog, we have flip getting half his face shaved by a survelince drone and okay maybe just those two things. not bad bits, but the general concept of them roleplaying into mischief.. has been done before. The show’s done the detective bit before and the spy trappings really don’t change that. And you CAN do a good spy takeoff episode, this one just sin’t it and feels like your standard LIncoln and Clyde messaround with tuxedos. Which to be fair are pretty awesome but still. It’s pretty flat.  The climax though? I’ll give it this.. it’s pretty entertainngi if also 100% what exactly the fuck. So our heroes are naturally caught sneaking into the neighbors house and its eems they were wrong, etc etc, exactly what we expected the new kid will hang around.. at least we have a new character. Instead.. LIncoln accidently hits a knob and unveils a panel

So yeah... turns out the new family ARE spies, just for Peach Growers and plan to wipe out all cherries in royal woods. Yup.. look I know this universe is patently insane but even for loud house, even with all of lisa’s super science... even with the slapstick but this is just.. nuts. Like i’m fine with suspending my disbelif, this show is a goofy comedy, but this is a bit much. I LOVE it for being nuts but only in a “what on spagehtti monster’s green earth were you thinking”. I get swinging for the fences but Lincoln getting into a fight with a bunch of spies after playing spy, well beating them with slapsticks and stopping their plot to elmitie cherries..t his isn’t Kids Next Door. This just.. dosen’t work. Jeff Goldblum tell em why, my brains too broken to articulate this anymore

Yeah that. It’s just a weird climax and ends iwth LIncoln vetting the new neighbors.. which does it include girl jordon? Did they just write her out? If so why? Fans liked her, you can have more than one female character in Lincoln’s friend group. Zach is replacable. You can give me whatever the fuck this was, but not an intresting friend for him who has personality already. I get 50% chad but not your decision making. Gah. 

Final Thoughts for .. this. one This one really didn’t work. Besides the ending just not fitting the series specific brand of ludicrous, I mentioned KND for a reason as it made this sort of plot work fine by having it’s whole unvierse be really fucking weird and specific, it’s mostly just okay. We’ve seen this before.. well okay I haven’t watched many of the Lincoln and Clyde messarounds, but the formula’s about the same.  And that dosen’t work. For one you have a HUGE swath of new possiblities: A new school, Chandler coming back, new teachers and faculity, a new principal, and Lynn and LIncoln being in the same school, and you instead just.. retread the same crap. you have 4 of lincoln’s friends other than clyde to use but don’t let them in on the fun. And most agrivating to me you move new neighbors into the neighborhood while neglecting some of your old supporting cast and have them be villians of the week instead of adding someone NEW to the neighborhood. Give one of the other kids a new friend, or give lincoln a new friend to add to his group and replace liam, shake up the dynamic with him and clyde bya dding a third or, most obviously move one of his friends INTO the neighborhood, most obviously stella since you spent so much time building her up then have her addition affect Lincoln and Clyde. Sure we’ve had an episdoe of one of his friends getting in the way of them before, but this would be diffrent. This episode is just.. not great and was a waste of my time, espespcailly after following such a stellar episode. It’s probablyt he first genuinely bad episode i’ve covered on this blog. Now that probably won’t stand, i’ve seen genuiley worse but.. as a wise penguin once said. 

One last note. That Young Dylan graphic is really obnoxiou and obtrusive.  It’s the second most obnoxious thing i’ve seen on this network. 

I”m out for this week. If you want more check out my Amphibia reviews, as I just finished a new one today, my other loud house reviews in the newly minted nickelodeon tab or other stuff on my other tabs, send me an ask for reviews you’d like to see or pay me to review whatver you want for 5 bucks via direct message. And check this blog Monday for the return of weekly Ducktales coverage, and next weekend for the next episode of loud house, and throughotu the week for more reviews.  Until we meet again, GO TEAM VENTURE!. Play us out Mary Kate Wiles. If nothing else this episode let me use this song. 

[pandawritespoorly]

With Time: Chapter 22 - Christmas

Author’s Note: Kwamis honestly kind of screw with Christianity. Consider this more of a winter get-together-with-friends-and-family sort of holiday. I would say gift giving, but I didn't really write those scenes. Other than that, I'm pretty pleased with this chapter and I hope you'll all enjoy it! Just friends hanging out without angst or crying! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or just have an extraordinary day regardless of what/if you celebrate! I love you all! ❤️

Chapter Summary: Marinette, Adrien, Claude, Allegra, Felix and Allan all celebrate Christmas together.

First | Previous | Next

Marinette comes to slowly, blinking slowly at her surroundings. She has the distinct feeling that today is important. What is today?

December...20 something?

December 25th….

25…

Oh!

It’s Christmas! 

She shoots up, regretting it when spots fill her vision. Ladybug-instincts don’t care if it’s Christmas - she’s still tired. Despite this, she manages to crawl out of bed, not bothering to change out of the very comfy pajamas she put on the night before.

She enters the kitchen where her Papa is making breakfast. He smiles when he sees her, giving her a quick hug before returning to the food. As her Maman enters the room he finishes, serving the family.

They play some games together afterward, before moving onto the gifts. By the time they’ve finished, Marinette is languidly stretched across her Papa, almost entirely spent. He carries her up to her room carefully, placing her in bed.

When she hears him leave, she almost allows herself to drift off to sleep before she remembers her other plans. Grabbing a bag, she takes a moment to gather herself, before she transforms, taking Tikki by surprise.

Ladybug exits through her trapdoor, wobbling a little as she adjusts to the fierce winds and snow. She takes off in one direction, only realizing after a few minutes that she’s going in the entirely wrong direction.

She’s so tired, she really wants to sleep.

But this is important.

She turns around, tempted to move faster, but well aware that’ll only trip her up. She arrives at her destination eventually. At least she got here, she’ll consider it a victory.

--- 

Adrien’s day has been very slow. Father is off who-knows-where for some out-of-country fashion event. There was no present from him.

Plagg had used his computer to order some merch for him of an anime he likes. Adrien had gotten Plagg a bunch of fine cheeses even worse better than camembert. It had been a very nice Christmas, and that’s about all he’d expected from the day.

Then Ladybug was knocking at his window.

He rushes to let her in, noticing the way she’s shaking slightly from the chill.

“Ladybug! It’s snowing - basically blizzarding - what were you doing out?!” She just leans into him, still transformed and barely awake. She’s coated in snow, which can’t be helping.

“Mer’y… chri’maaa…” she mumbles into his shoulder.

Plagg cackles from the desk, “Kid, your Bug came all this way just to wish you a happy holiday!”

“Mari you could have texted me.” he holds her a little further away, noting the way that she’s completely limp in his arms, “Mari?”

“Pfff, now she’s hibernating!” The Kwami floats to sit on his head.

“This isn’t funny Plagg!” he closes the window and leads her towards the couch.

“It is, because she isn’t in any danger now. She’s with her Cat, you’ll take care of her.” “But why didn’t she stay home? Going out as Ladybug - especially as Ladybug - she could have collapsed on the way over.” “She’s a Bug, Kitten. Stubbornness runs in her blood, especially when she decides it’s important for you.”

He only hums in response, opening his closet to get out blankets - he doesn’t use them much anymore. He grabs all of them. He might change the thermostat a little too.

Ladybugs break out of hibernation at 13° (55℉) - that’s a fact he’s memorized.

“She’s still transformed, give me a minute.” Plagg floats toward her head, touching the earrings and closing his eyes. As Adrien approaches, he hears the beeping and Ladybug is soon replaced with a sleeping Marinette and Tikki.

“As Ladybug she’s two sleeping bugs in one.” The God explains, “It’ll be better with them separated.”

Adrien only nods, tossing a heated blanket over their Bugs and turning it on before piling on the rest. He turns on a movie as he leans against the blanket pile. The background noise is nice. Plagg settles back into his hair.

Towards the end of the movie, he feels stirring from the blankets, turning to see her squinting at the room,”Hi Marinette. Welcome back to the real world.”

“???” It’s a difficult thing to properly voice three question marks in a row, but she’s got it down.

“Someone decided to run through Paris during a snowstorm, and ended up hibernating. I’m just glad you made it here.”

“Oh.” she thinks for a moment, “M’rry Christm’s?”

“Merry Christmas.”

She blinks tiredly, and he returns the slow blink, smiling at her. Despite the blankets, she is still dozy - there’s no escape from the winter outside. She’ll wake up a little more after more time indoors though, so Adrien turns on another movie for them to watch. His phone dings.

 Sabine: Is Marinette with you? We didn’t see her leave. Adrien: Yes, she’s with me. 

Sabine: Oh, that’s good. She can be so quiet! Enjoy your holiday!

Adrien: You too!

 Yeah, she can be ‘quiet’. It certainly isn’t that she left through the balcony. He’d assumed she’d left the normal way and then transformed. Evidently he overestimated how much of her human common-sense is still with her. 

“Mari, how did you get here?”

“Yo-yo.”

“I meant from which way did you leave the house and then come here?”

“I said ‘spots on’ and then it was col’ and then I wen’ the wrong way and then I went the right way and then it was still cold and snowin’ and then I got to your house and you let me in and then I was here.” Her story-telling skills are truly at their peak mid-winter. She hasn’t even noticed that she transformed when she spoke the words.

“Alright. Thank you. Can you detransform?” He smirks at her.

“I’m not? Transformed?” Ladybug looks at him as though he’s completely lost it.

“Okay, what do you say to detransform?”

“Spots off. Don’ you know?” As she says it, there’s a pink flash and Marinette returns. Tikki shoots out of the earrings bewilderedly and goes to rest beside Plagg. Adrien can hear the Kwami’s quiet purring.

“Sorry, I just wanted to double check. How are you feeling?”

“Blanke's.”

“How tired are you? Would you say you’re more ladybug or girl right now?” seeing as she went into hibernation, he should make sure she’s recovering properly.

“Tired.” She doesn’t seem to register the second question. 

Before Adrien can think of another way to phrase it, Plagg interrupts, “Here, give me your phone kid, I’ve got a test.”

Adrien hands Plagg the phone. The Kwami taps at the screen for a little bit then turns it to face Marinette, “Alright Pigtails, what do you think of this?”

Marinette draws back initially, then returns hesitantly to her original position, glaring suspiciously at the phone the entire time.

“She’s doing fine.” Plagg shrugs and returns the phone. Adrien looks at the screen. There’s a picture of a crow, and the page it’s from is titled, ‘Ladybugs’ Most Common Predators’.

Ah. That makes sense.

By the end of their movie, Marinette seems to have recovered from her little stint outside.

“Presents?” she cocks her head at him, gesturing towards the bag she’d brought with her, “I brought yours.”

“Is that what that is?”

She nods, “It’s everyone’s presents.”

“You brought them all, huh?” 

“Yep! I didn’t want to have to leave.”

“What?” He gets the feeling he’s missing something.

“Did you think we were going to let you spend Christmas all alone in this dumb house? I already got permission from Nathalie. Allan, Allegra, Felix, and Claude are coming over. Plagg and I have been plotting.”

“She gave me lots of cheese bread.”

He hugs her tightly, “Thank you Mari, you’re the best person I know.”

“Mon minou, you’re my favorite person, it’s the least I can do.” After a moment they separate and she gestures to the bag, “We should probably do the Kwami’s presents and Chat’s present before they all get here.”

“Let's do the Kwamis first-”

“Yes, lets!” Plagg interrupts him

Marinette shrugs, bringing the entire bag over and handing two small boxes to Tikki and Plagg. Tikki already knows what it is - having been required for sizing. They open the small boxes to find little cloaks to wear, each themed around their respective animals. Tikki chirps excitedly at finally getting to wear hers and flies to her chosen, hugging her cheek and resting on her shoulder.

Plagg has put his on and goes to sit next to her, “Thanks, Bug.”

Marinette grabs a rectangular wrapped package, “I didn’t make Chat anything in case I saw him wearing it in real life. Even if it’s not a problem anymore…” She shrugs and shoves it at Adrien.

He unwraps it, seeing a large book titled, ‘1001 Puns’, “Oh, I’m memorizing this!”

“I regretted it as soon as I bought it.”

Adrien has already opened it up to a random page, “What do you call a classy fish?” “No.”

“So-fish-ticated!” He looks so pleased that she can’t help but smile at him, “Ooh! Okay my turn!” He stands quickly and rushes over to his desk, grabbing a couple of boxes, ” I only got Tikki some cookies because I don’t really know her that well-”

“I like cookies!” She interrupts, “Thank you, Adrien!”

“I got Ladybug a necklace, with a ladybug on it! It’s almost as cute as you!” Her face flames at that, accepting it and trying to put it on, before handing it back to him for help.

With it clasped around her neck she takes a moment to look at it. She turns to him, “Please tell me you didn’t spend a ridiculous amount of money on this.”

“While no amount would be ridiculous for you, I didn’t.” 

She looks at him suspiciously, then sighs, “I’ll allow it.”

“It’s too late anyways! Returning a gift is rude, m’lady!”

“Well, kitty, we’d better avoid the superhero nicknames when everyone else is here.” She pushes him back by his nose.

He pouts, then turns to her questioningly,”When are they going to be here? We need to get rid of the extra wrapping paper and stuff.” They should probably hide Tikki’s cookies too - they don’t want them to get eaten.

“I said I’d text them. I can do that now?” He nods and she sends out the message.

While they wait they clean up quickly, and put the cookies in a closet that the Kwamis decide to hide in.

Eventually the pair hear the doorbell buzzer. Adrien goes to answer it, leaving Mari in the warmer room.

“Adrien, has your house always had this little robot camera guy?” Claude is the first to speak when he gets to the doorbell.

“Yeah… Father can be a little …extreme?” He allows them in, “You can come in now.”

He waits a moment before he opens the main door, well aware that the walk will take a moment.

As he allows them in he notices that the snow has died down. That’s good. They all have gifts with them and are dressed in winter gear that’s dusted with snow.

“You guys can leave your winter stuff here - Mari wouldn’t appreciate snow getting into my room, and the gifts can come up to my room.”

“How’s she holding up? It was blizzardin’ earlier.” Allan inquires.

“My room’s pretty warm, so she’s pretty awake. She can only cheat the system for so long though, so she might get sleepy in a couple hours or so, and then be more awake. As long as she stays in the warmth it’ll just kind of cycle like that.”

He pushes the door to his room open, following them in. As soon as they’re in the main part of the room - before they even set the gifts down - the group gets tackled into a hug by a noticeably-not-sleepy Marinette. “I would have met you out in the entryway, but it’s almost as cold as Gabriel Agreste’s heart, so I just waited for you here.”

“Marinette, you can’t just insult my Father like that. He could be your boss one day.”

“Not if my company outdoes his and I steal his best model.”

“I’m with Mari! I like that plan!” Claude adds.

“Sorry dude, you’re the only one on your side.” Allan puts an arm around Adrien’s shoulder.

“I’m not saying she’s wrong necessarily…”

“She’s already stolen the model!” Allegra interjects.

“Yay!” Marinette throws her arms in the air victoriously, then gently pushes Adrien forward, “Be free my darling! Pursue your dreams!”

“I’m liking this plan more and more!” Claude joins Marinette.

“Anyway. Welcome to my room.”

“The room his Dad designed for him by googling ‘teenage boy interests’.” Marinette amends.

“You’re rather bitter today aren’t you?” Allan remarks.

“I always am - in regards to Gabriel Agreste!” Especially when she’d realized that Adrien’s awful father was also Chat’s awful father.

He’s just double-awful now.

“That’s a mood I can get behind.” Allegra adds.

“I’m going to stop this here before she gets the slideshow out.” Adrien gently shoves Marinette toward the couch, “You sit under the blankets for a little bit and calm down.” She complies sulkily, muttering about how she’d storm the office one day.

“What slideshow are you referring to?” Felix questions.

“Just one about my father. It’s kind of long. Especially with her notes.”

“Are you telling me she made an entire presentation on your father?” Allegra raises an eyebrow. “On how bad he is!” The baker interjects.

“Again, moving on, because we can do things that are more fun than stating facts.” Adrien raises his hands peaceably, “Any game ideas?”

“I brought some from home!” Claude raises one of their bags, “There’s also the internet for ideas!”

“I want to play board games! I need to get caught up on the years I’ve missed out on!”

“Oh, you poor boy. No board games for so long…” Allegra shakes her head.

“I guess you could say I was board?”

“No.” Felix, Allegra, and Marinette speak in unison.

“Alright, Adrien we’re playing Dixit now.” Claude takes one of the larger boxes out, setting it up, “Which bunny do you guys want to be?”

“Pink!” Marinette doesn’t hesitate in the slightest. She moves to be where Claude is setting up the game on the floor, taking a blanket with her.

“Wait, we’re bunnies?” Adrien still has no idea how the game works.

“It’s what represents your spot on the board. Basically like the hat, car, and stuff in Monopoly.” Allegra explains.

“I’ll be green.” Allan sits by the board, next to Marinette.

“I shall claim blue!” Claude claims his bunny and numbers.

“Yellow.” Allegra says, taking the one she chose.

“I will take either bunny. Adrien, do you have a preference?” Felix turns to the model as he sits as well.

After a moment’s consideration, Adrien takes the red one, “The Ladybunny!”

“Here, you’ll need these.” Allan hands him a red stack of six number chips as Felix takes the white bunny and corresponding numbers.

Claude hands everyone six cards, “Adrien, these are your cards. You can look at them, but no one else can. When it’s your turn, you put down a card face down and describe it in one word or so. Everyone else will put one of their own cards that fits how you described yours and when everyone has them down, we flip them over and everyone else has to try and figure out which is the original. Everyone puts down the chip that makes the number slot their guess is in and when everyone’s done, we assign points based on this.” they gesture at the top part of the board where it’s described pretty simply.

“I know it sounds complicated, but it’ll get easier when we get started.” Allegra reassures him. He nods, considering the directions.

“Alright… maybe I can go last.” He looks around, “Who’s starting?”

“Mari chose her color first, so she can go.”

“Sure!”

They get started, playing several rounds, moving a little faster as Adrien catches on. Towards the end it is an intense bunny race between Allan and Felix, but the white bunny gets there first.

“Victory!” Felix smiles, “Good game everyone.”

They pack up the game and talk for a moment before something occurs to Adrien.

“Hey, do guys want something to eat or drink? Like hot choco-” “Grapes?!” Marinette speaks over him excitedly.

“-late. Yes, Marinette, you can have grapes.” She cheers quietly as he continues, “So anything I should grab? I think the cook made a bunch of stuff in preparation for today before Father left so we’ve got a bunch of stuff.”

“Hot chocolate is good. Is everyone good with that?” Claude looks around as the group nods.

“Any finger food, or jus’ stuff that isn’t that messy would be fine too.” Allan suggests.

“Alright, I’ll be back.” Adrien exits, heading to grab the food.

“Surprised to hear you so excited about food, ‘Nette.” Allan says to the girl.

She shrugs, “I like grapes. Fruit, really. Or bugs.”

“Why not bring that as your lunch?” Felix suggests.

“I’m usually too tired to do that. Maman does it, but I think the doctor told her to try and give me things that are actually nutritious - like a balanced meal.”

“Huh.” Allegra considers this.

Adrien walks in, with various snacks, hot chocolate, and a bowl of grapes for Marinette. He puts them down near the group, and Marinette grabs her choice immediately, and everyone takes a drink.

“Should we get to the presents now? Before Marinette falls asleep?” Allegra suggests.

“Probably, I don’t think I’ve got long.” As she says this, Marinette yawns, which only supports her point.

By the time they’ve finished, Marinette is - as predicted - barely awake. She’s slumped against Adrien, her eyelids fluttering as she tries to remain awake.

“So what should we do now?” Adrien asks the group.

“Have any movies? That would give Mari a chance to rest.” Allan proposes.

“Sure, we can move to the couch then.” They all stand, Adrien coaxing Marinette to stand with him, she mumbles softly about nothing in particular.

“Going by the blankets, this is Marinette’s spot?” Allegra gestures at the pile of blankets upon blankets in one corner of the couch. At this, Marinette - who had been relying on Adrien to stand - flops onto the pile, claiming a few as her own before putting the rest aside for the others to use.

“Aw, thanks ‘Nette.”

Eventually they’ve all gotten comfortable and decided on a movie. Marinette is back to resting against her partner, blinking lazily at the screen that she isn’t paying any real attention to. She eventually drifts off as she gives in to her tendency. It only takes a few moments for her to be completely dead to the world, sleeping heavily and comfortably in the presence of her friends.

“How is it going at your school?” Felix asks the model.

“Ugh, I keep thinking they can’t get any stupider, and then they do. Lila spun the whole museum incident around. Apparently, Mari attacked her.” Adrien is still mad about what happened that day. Especially now that he knew Marinette had had to come back and fight her akumatized tormenter instead of resting at home like she deserved.

“And they believed her?!” Allegra looks ready to start a mob.

“They believe anything. People were still angry about Marinette before break.”

“Any ideas on when we’ll expose her?” Claude asks, clearly eager to unmask the girl.

“If we can get the date right we might be able to get a few choice celebrities to show up, so I’m not sure. I might be able to turn the media against her - if I’m careful I can do it without Father getting upset, or at least without him being able to punish me without media backlash.” “How you gonna’ pull that off?” Allan raises an eyebrow.

“Well the ‘no punishment’ bit could be harder, but Paris won’t exactly be pleased to find out someone’s been sexually harassing their ‘Sunshine Boy’.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you realize that.” Allegra sighs, “I was worried you thought she was allowed to do that.”

“I wasn’t entirely sure last year, but Mari made sure that changed.”

“Good job ‘Nettie.” Allan says, “Protect the Sunshine Boy.”

Marinette obviously doesn’t respond, but curls closer against Adrien as if aware he’s the current topic of conversation.

“See, she’s guarding him even in her sleep!” Claude says.

“Thanks, Mari. I feel safer already.” Adrien pats Marinette’s head, and she hums at them.

“I think she’s been doing better.” Allegra smiles, “I’m glad she told us about what happened, keeping that secret must have been tiring.”

“I’m glad she finally told you. You guys have been good for her.”

“She deserves it. She’s so sweet.”

“Mari~ Do you hear that? We love you!” Claude speaks to their napping friend.

Marinette doesn’t seem to hear, but when they brush her hair out her face, she leans into their hand, unconsciously aware of any heat as always.

“Hey, we never asked. Um, she said she ‘fell’ and that’s where the bruises came from, but…?” Allan trails off.

“But you don’t believe it?” They all nod, “Neither do I, but I wasn’t there. Stupid all day photoshoot - I didn’t find out until I got to my house, and I didn’t see her until the next day. Chloe and Sabrina only caught the tail end of everything and they missed what exactly happened.”

“So what do you think happened?” Allegra prompts.

“Well Chloe and Sabrina think Alya pushed her, but I’m not …entirely sure of that. I think it was an accident, but it could have been avoided if Alya had just let her go. Regardless of what happened, Mari’s wrong - she’s not at fault.”

“No, she is not.” Felix agrees.

They all look at her sympathetically, before eventually turning back to the movie. They’re halfway through another movie before Marinette begins to stir, blinking at the people around her in sleepy confusion.

“Hey, welcome back, Mari.” Adrien is the first to notice.

“Hi…?” She still isn’t fully awake, and looks about ready to return to her rest for a little longer.

“How awake are you, ‘Nette?” Allan asks her.

“No?” 

“Alright. Good to know.”

She closes her eyes for a little longer, eventually opening her eyes and sitting up slightly, “How long was I asleep?”

Felix glances at his watch, “About 2 hours or so. A little more. We have completed one movie and have watched a considerable amount of this one.”

“Oh, okay.”

Once the movie finishes, Claude speaks, “So what should we do now? Another movie, another game, or something else?”

“I’m up for learning more games!” Adrien says.

“I still can’t believe you deprived of fun for your entire life,” they tell him.

“Time to introduce Adrien to more great games!” Allegra stands with Claude and they try to decide which game to play next. The others move to sit on the floor again, Marinette dragging a blanket with her. 

“Wait!” Claude says when they’ve all sat down, throwing his hands in the air, “I almost forgot!”

“Forgot what?” Allegra asks. The others are similarly confused, though Marinette only blinks groggily.

“Adrien, team up with me here,” Claude ignores the question.

“On what?” Adrien wonders if he’s supposed to know what’s going on.

“I have been researching puns. That new knowledge combined with your efforts, I hope to complete my goal of making Marinette laugh at a pun!” Claude is clearly in a theatrical mood, gesturing wildly as he speaks.

Adrien’s face lights up, “Yes!”

Marinette only groans, “I should have expected this.”

“I will allow the puns - just this once - because it’s for a good cause.” Allegra acquieses, and Felix reluctantly nods in agreement.

Marinette glares at them.

Allan’s face splits in a mischievous grin, “Aw, come on ‘Nette, they only want to wish you a Mari Christmas.”

Adrien and Claude cheer excitedly, Marinette tries her best to look completely and utterly betrayed.

“Let’s start with some fun facts! Did you know that snowmen call their offspring chill-dren?” Claude turns to Adrien as though they are having a legitimate conversation.

“I did not. Though I have to ask, are you aware of how snowmen get to work?”

“No, how?”

“By icicle.”

“Ah! Of course, that makes perfect sense. Did you gingerbread men make their beds with cookie sheets?”

 Adrien grins, “Do you know what a sheep’s favorite Christmas song is? Fleece Navidad.”

Felix turns to Claude, “Do not do what I presume you are thinking of.”

Claude doesn’t respond, “In this group, our favorite song is Felix Navidad!”

Felix glares, but the rest don’t seem particularly apologetic. Marinette grins slightly, Claude and Adrien high-five when they notice - she scowls.

“Speaking of sheep,” Adrien continues, “Be sure to wish any you meet a season’s bleatings.”

“Do you know why Dasher and Dancer like coffee? They’re Santa’s star bucks!”

“On the subject of reindeer, I’d just like to warn everyone that rude-olph has absolutely no manners!”

“He always steals Santa’s favorite snack - crisp pringles.” Claude shakes his head, clucking his tongue.

“Yeah, Rudolph has an F on his report card. He went down in history and all that.”

“There’s an elf that won the lottery, he’s very welfy now.”

“Do you think he could spare some change for Saint Nickel-less?”

“He actually just bought himself a new car, it’s a toyYoda.” Claude shakes his head regretfully. Out of the corner of their eyes, the two boys can see Marinette trying to smother a smile.

“Mrs. Claus’ detergent of choice is Yule-Tide, in case you were wondering. Great for soot stains.”

“Everyone gets so santa-mental this time of year.”

“If you see an angel, be sure to say ‘Halo!’”

“If a Christmas plant wants to be a star, they go to Holly-wood.”

“The North and South Pole aren’t as similar as some might think. There’s really a world of difference between them.”

No one misses Marinette’s snort at that.

“Scrooge won the football game - the ghost of Christmas passed.”

“The couple had their wedding on Christmas Eve so that they could have a married Christmas.”

“Oh I saw a new artist on Spotify, an elf! He’s a wrapper!”

“A kid who doesn’t believe in Santa is a rebel without a Clause.”

“Did you know the alphabet is different around Christmas time? There’s Noel.” Claude informs the group.

It’s the last straw, Marinette’s face breaks into a brilliant smile as she begins laughing quietly. Soon enough she, Adrien, Allan, and Claude are all laughing hysterically. Every time they begin to stop, a glance at one of the others sets them off again. An endless, vicious cycle.

Allegra and Felix watch their antics, amused. They’re both smiling, but manage to restrain themselves from laughing at a pun. One of Claude’s puns no less.

“Allegra, I guess it is up to us to decide upon a game.” Felix says to his only sane companion.

It’s a good day.

---

Author’s Note: Do they have a sleepover? You decide!

There you are! I hope that was satisfactory! I apologize I didn't write them opening presents, but I kept putting it off, and I didn't know what to get them, so I put it off more, until it was suddenly today. Sorry if that was disappointing, but I hope the rest of the chapter makes up for it!

As for Mari's necklace, (one of the only presents I actually wrote), you can find a picture here. The Kwami cloaks are something I've seen fanart of, and something I thought was a cute idea so I'm sure you can find drawings somewhere. The pun book is pretty self-explanatory.

When the Quantics arrived this became Gabriel salt. At first I was going to apologize for that, then Chat Blanc happened and I realized that the fandom now lives on Gabriel salt. There will be plenty of salt in this fic for many characters, and he is certainly one of them.

Once again, I just don't settle for games most people are familiar with. Sorry about that, but Claude has all of my favorite board games and I can't just not have my babies play. Dixit, in case you were wondering, is a fantastic game I would definitely recommend (yes you do play as bunnies). As for playing on the floor instead of a table, I'm sure I can't be the only one who plays board games on the floor? I honestly think I prefer it.

Next chapter is Saturday as usual! In case you want a bit of a hint (teaser? preview?) content wise (as a gift!), I guess I can say that there will be some cuddles and fluff, and someone has to stop at Master Fu's. I wonder why? Maybe I should come up with a chapter summary early and add it here.

Anyways, I hope you all have a spectacular day! Whether you celebrate Christmas or anything else (or nothing), enjoy yourself, your friends, your family, and smile! (Stay safe, especially if you've got icy roads like me, or rather, like I'm supposed to). Love you all! ❤️

For those of you over here on tumblr, you may or may not have noticed I added a page for With Time to my blog. I hope that makes navigation easier for reading/rereading! If it’s not working please let me know, because I will a) not be surprised b) do my best to fix it.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave any thoughts, theories, constructive criticism, or anything really in my ask box, in replies or through reblogs. I love seeing what you think!

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[queenshadowofleaves]

🍒

Hehehe ramble time!!! Thanks!

I’m gonna ramble/infodump about Ronald Reagan cause I just had a history test about him and also cause I can. So he was elected in the 1980s by a whole bunch of people who were really mad at Carter for being weak and doing nothing. Reagan got a bunch of conservative Christians to vote for him by demoting things like homosexuality, interracial marriages, abortion, stuff like that. He got a fuck ton of votes and won office, promising to limit government control and to cut taxes and protect people against the “evil Soviet Union”. So Reagan instituted something called supply side economics, which gave lots of tax cuts to the wealthy. It was supposed to make them have more money that they would invest in things, which would then “trickle down” to the poorer society members (hence why it was also called “trickle down economics”). It was also supposed to give money to the government in the long term, but it just made them start to go in debt.

So yeah, Reagan caused the economy to be pretty bad. He caused Black Monday on 1987 that was the largest single-day stock market crash (but the textbook only went up to 2014 so honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump had a bigger one). The pay gap also increased a whole bunch with him. The poor got poorer and the rich got richer. The median household income also lowered. Plus, he put a fuck ton of money into the military and tried to create “Star Wars” space lasers that were supposed to hit missiles and deactivate them mid-air. So yeah, that didn’t work out too well. He also cut funding to social security programs that helped minorities since everyone who wasn’t part of these programs were like “yeah this is useless and government control” which is dumb but like he and all the Republican presidents after him cut funds to those programs so....

Reagan hated the Soviet Union with a burning passion (I mean most of America did at that time so he wasn’t really special). But then the Soviets got a new leader, Mikhael Gorbachev (yes I’ve memorized his name whoops) who gave citizens a lot of freedom and free speech and even some capitalist policies, so Reagan was like fine I guess I can try to negotiate peace with him. Reagan got really pissy and a peace treaty wasn’t created until the two leaders met a couple times, but they signed a treaty that made each of them get rid of a lot of their nuclear weapons. So Reagan was like “neat!!! We won the Cold War!!!” and Americans were happy. (Except then we started fighting a bunch of other countries and things got more ugly but that was mostly with the Bushes so I’m gonna ignore that part right now.)

Reagan also completely ignored the AIDs crisis cause like “gay people disease” or some shit like that. It killed a bunch of people but he only cared when a bunch of people got upset that straight people were starting to die too. Some famous basketball player (who was 100% a straighty) got it and everyone completely freaked out, so I think it was only around that time Reagan even addressed the issue at all. So yeah, Reagan was a jerk and useless. Apparently pretty much the rest of the heterosexuals in the country were too, which is fun /s.

After 8 years in office, Reagan finally got replaced by his vice president W. H. Bush for four years, and after he got into a bunch of fights with a bunch of countries and tanked the economy even more, he was replaced by Clinton. But bottom line is, Reagan pretty much ruined the economy and also completely politicized social issues like abortion and gay rights that weren’t previously political. Also, the government has never not been in debt after his presidency except briefly with Clinton. All the Republicans cut taxes and the deficits rose like crazy, and the Democrats would try to fix it and fail (also Obama’s conservative Senate made it real hard for him to pass anything substantial.)

Yeah, that’s my educational ramble! Message me if you want more cause I have more!

[teaveetamer]

My Issues With TFioS (and Other Elements of John Green)

Alright I’m just going to preface this with two things.

It’s been about six years since I’ve read the entire thing through, so my points are probably not going to be as detailed or precise as they were when I first read it.

If you enjoyed the book, identify with the fanbase, or like John Green in any capacity... Great! You might want to skip this one. This is definitely not the post for you. I’m going to put all of my more controversial thoughts under the cut so if you don’t want to see them you can just move on.

I brought up the book in that other post because I felt it had relevance to the discussion of “authors using characters as a mouthpiece”, but that’s only a small part of my issue with the book itself. I suppose I could have used a fanfiction example, since there’s more than enough fodder there, but I brought up The Fault in our Stars specifically because I feel comfortable criticizing a book in a way that I don’t feel comfortable criticizing fan works. John Green is a public figure that produced a paid product, made money, and does this professionally, while most fanfic authors are amateurs that provide free entertainment and just do it for fun.

Now with that said, we move on to the meat of the post.

Some Background

Perhaps this is not a little known fact, but I absolutely adore love stories. I don’t have incredibly high standards for them by any means, and in fact I actively enjoy them even when they aren’t the deepest, most thought provoking pieces. Someone got me a copy of Red, White, and Royal Blue for my birthday this year and I read the entire thing cover to cover in a day (and I seriously recommend if you’re looking for a pretty easy read with a lot of gay).

The only thing I love more than love stories? Tragic love stories, of course. If anyone has followed my fanfiction or main blog for any amount of time then you know that I love a little bit of tragedy. Usually with a happy ending, but not always. So when one of my friends shoved (and I mean literally shoved) The Fault in Our Stars  into my hands and billed it as a “tragic but heartwarming love story” I thought it would be perfect for me.

I was sixteen at the time, the target age demographic, and I was always looking for books with smart, well written teen characters. At this point in my life I’d never heard of John Green or his fanbase before. I tell you this because I disliked the book as I read it, but I think John Green and his fanbase are a major factor in why I disliked it so much I’m willing to sit down and write a blog post about it six years later. Granted, that’s not all on the book, but it is a factor.

Needless to say, I was not all that impressed by it. At some points I was downright infuriated, really.

My Issues With the Book

In summary, it feels very meh and overly pretentious. After about two chapters I just wanted to put it down, and the only reason I pushed through is because my friend insisted that it got better. She said it was funny, relatable, and intelligent, but I found it to be none of these things.

The impression I got was that the author, whoever he was, fancied himself terribly clever and he wanted everyone to know it. You know the type, the kinds of people that go around and assure everyone of how smart they are? It feels like it was made for haughty teens to brag about how intelligent they were because they read a “deep” book.  The book itself, despite being a surface level of “witty”, didn’t really have anything to say. In the end it reads like a thirty-something year old man bragging about how smart he is and waxing philosophical about the nature of life (and... Breakfast food..?) and using a fictional teenage girl to do it.

That’s why I brought up the “mouthpiece” thing. I didn’t want to read a book about a thirty-something dressing up his thoughts as a teenage girl. I wanted to read a book about a teenage girl.

Speaking of Hazel Grace… I don’t know if this is a common experience, but can anyone else tell when a man writes a female character? I find that I usually can. Men have a particular voice when they write, and especially when they write women. Every single page hammered me over the head with the fact that this was a man who was trying (and, in my opinion, failing miserably) to write a relatable teenage girl. And, in my opinion, he parroted a lot of very upsetting, dangerous mentalities for young women.

There were quite a few “I’m not like other girls, and not just because of the cancer!” moments (a mentality that I find wholly problematic coming from other women, let alone a man writing for a woman) that just had me rolling my eyes straight out of their sockets. She doesn’t care about shoes, see! She reads books! Isn’t that awesome and unique? Because, apparently, women are not allowed to do both.

These problematic mentalities extend into the book’s romance plot, too. Augustus is, frankly, one of the creepiest motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure to read about. Not only is his aggressive creepiness portrayed as romantic, but Hazel reacts exactly how men wish women would react to their advances. Unfortunately I don’t have a copy of the book in front of me so you won’t get much in the way of direct quotes, but some examples include:

He stares at her, completely unblinking, for the duration of their cancer kids support group meeting… before they’ve even so much as spoken a word to each other. Which also features this gem of a quote: "A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well." which just perpetuates the disgusting misconception that women are okay with being creeped on as long as a guy is attractive. Spoiler alert: We fucking aren’t.

He repeatedly refers to Hazel as “Hazel Grace”, despite her introducing herself as “Hazel” and asking him to just call her “Hazel”. And not only does he ask for her full name, he demands she give it to him. This rings all kinds of alarm bells for me, because you know who else does that kind of shit? Christian Grey. And it’s manipulative, disrespectful, and downright rude. It is essentially saying “I hear your desires, but I would prefer to address you how I want to address you, not how you would like to be addressed, because my ego is more important than your comfort”.

Hazel is perfectly fine with getting into a complete stranger’s car and spending time at his house mere minutes after meeting with him and after all of the questionable shit he just pulled.

Continuing this book’s litany of problems with women, let’s talk about Isaac’s (ex)girlfriend. The book treats their breakup as this massive betrayal, then even goes on to justify vandalizing her property because of it.

I’m sorry, but no.

You, as an autonomous human being, have the right to end a relationship with someone else whenever, wherever, and for whatever reasons you designate, regardless of previously expressed emotions or promises. How and when she did it was not the most ideal, but she’s an emotionally immature teenager, and there’s never going to be a good time to do something like this. What was she supposed to do, keep pity dating him because she felt sorry for him? Wait until someone invented technology to cure blindness? Assuming she did actually break up with him because of his disability… Are her reasons shitty? Sure. But she’s allowed to have them.

And you know what? He’s allowed to be mad about it. His anger might be completely understandable, if not totally justified. But you know what else? That does not give him the right to take revenge on her by vandalizing her property.

I would have no problem with this scene if it were honest about what it was: a bunch of teenagers with under-developed frontal lobes that are angry and feeling vindictive. But it’s not that. It’s depicted as not only completely justified, but heroic. I’m sorry, no. You are never heroic for harassing another human being.

And Augustus’s dumb little speech to her mom is such garbage. You really expect me to believe that a grown woman was so pwned by some jerk teenager’s super witty justification for destroying her property that she just went inside and, idk, watched TV? Didn’t call the police to report the crime that he and his friends were actively committing against her? Bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, that scene is pretty egregious, but that doesn’t even begin to cover my issues with this book’s pretentious dialogue. If you told me that they ran every word in this book through Thesaurus.com then I would believe you without hesitation. The one hook, the draw, the thing that kept me reading was supposed to be the relatable characters, but they just aren’t relatable. They’re not realistic in the slightest. Seriously, go read any line of this book out loud and tell me how ridiculous you feel. I kept expecting Augustus to pull off his skinsuit and reveal that he was secretly a robot trying to imitate human speech the entire time.

I’m not sure how far I can go into this point without giving you direct quotes, but half the stuff that comes out of these characters mouths is pseudo-intellectual nonsense. “Put the killing thing between your teeth so it can’t kill you”?

It’s not a metaphor.

Putting an unlit cigarette in your mouth is still stupid. I guess it won’t give you lung cancer, but really? It’s still not a great idea.

Augustus has to go buy these cigarettes, which means he’s actively going out and giving money to an industry that has been funding pseudoscience and suppressing health initiatives that would prevent people from suffering what he did (i.e. fucking cancer).

Here’s a clue: Tobacco companies don’t actually care about what you do with the cigarettes. Their transaction stops as soon as you put the money in their hands. I could purchase a hundred packs and throw them in the garbage, and the only thing they know is that they got about $600 from me. Way to “stick it to the man”, asshole. You’re not clever.

With the exception of the Isaac’s-girlfriend thing, all of that is in chapters 1-4, by the way. This book turned me off so thoroughly that early.

So by the time the Amsterdam trip rolled around I was already not enjoying this book, but then this thing happened and it was just the final nail in the coffin for me. You probably know what I’m talking about already, but if you don’t… The Anne Frank Museum kiss.

I honestly cannot even articulate how incredibly tasteless and disrespectful I find the entire thing, and not only does that happen, but it’s followed by an r/ThatHappened “and then everybody stood up and clapped!” Seriously?

There are smarter, more well-versed people than me that have covered this topic, so I’ll leave the analysis for why that’s all kinds of wrong to them.

Those are really my big gripes, though there’s a few smaller ones (like Augustus throwing a pre-funeral like are you a psychopath? Why would you put the people you love through that???) that I’m not going to touch on because they weren’t all that instrumental in putting me off. Instead I’ll move on to the external factors.

The Fanbase

So I finished the book, a little miffed at having just wasted my time, and immediately told my friend that I didn’t like it much, and that I would be returning her copy the next day. Feeling pretty meh-to-slightly-negative about it, but whatever, it happens.

I was essentially met with “wow I can’t believe you didn’t get it.” and “Oh well maybe you’ll finally understand how deep it is when you’re older” from my friend. Which is really just one step away from the wow can’t you read?! BS that I’ve been seeing more and more frequently these days. So immediately I was pissed. All that aside, I was sixteen, the target age demographic? If I didn’t ‘get it’ then John Green was doing a pretty piss poor job of conveying what it is.

So I went online seeking something. Either validation that I wasn’t wrong and that I didn’t miss the point, the book just wasn’t great, or an explanation of what this it was that I’d missed. And let me tell you... Spotting a negative opinion of this book was like looking for a unicorn. There were a few, and many of them were met with the same kind of thing I had experienced. Vitriol, insistence that they were stupid or that they didn’t get it (again, with no explanation of what it was), and, apparently, a lot of harassment and threats.

I discovered that John Green’s target audience had a tendency to be… A bit obsessive. Lots of young, impressionable teenagers that were willing to jump on an opposing opinion with zealous outrage. If I had any interest in pursuing any of John Green’s other works or John Green as an internet personality any further, then it died in that moment. Absolutely nothing turns me off like a rabid, spiteful fanbase.

Now by this point I was already in the rabbit hole, and I began encountering a lot of criticisms of John Green and the things he’s said and done in the past. I did not like what I found.

John Green Himself

To be extremely blunt, the guy put such a bad taste in my mouth that it retroactively soured my opinion of The Fault in Our Stars even more. Since this is a post about my opinions on the book, I’m only going to be discussing things that affected my view at the time I read it. These are all things that happened six years ago, and I have no idea what this man has been up to or what he’s said about any of these topics since.

Let’s just get this out of the way… John Green writes the same book over and over. There’s always a quirky, nerdy white boy that is invariably cisgendered, and almost always straight. He is always an outcast with only a few friends, though apparently never directly bullied. He always meets an edgy girl that he falls in love with the idea of. Usually there is a road trip somewhere in there too.

The Fault in our Stars admittedly doesn’t follow the exact same framework, but it’s close enough in a lot of ways. Instead of the Quirky, Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good cisboi being the PoV character, it’s the love interest (Hazel also fits this description, albeit a female version). Hazel and Augustus are both still outcasts. Hazel is attracted to Augustus because he’s Deep and Edgy and A Little Larger Than Life. The road trip is a flight to Amsterdam.

Looking at the man... Yeah the entire premise starts to come off as some weird self-insert fanfiction. I can feel the “I was a quirky, bullied teen and I wish this is how my high school life had been!” energy coming through absolutely every pore and every molecule of ink. Every character reads like John Green. John Green has written book after book and the main character always appears to be John Green in a slightly different teenage skinsuit.

And that’s fine, I guess. A little lazy, but I guess it’s working for him since he’s making hella bank? It’s certainly not enough to put me off the guy, just not something I’m interested in reading, and not something I find compelling.

What put me off for good were some of his comments. Dude skeeves me the fuck out. I’ll just go over some of the highlights I found at the time, and why they upset me so much when I heard them.

“Nerd girls are the world's most underutilized romantic resource.”

As a nerdy girl that has been stalked and harassed by men because I’m “good girlfriend material” (aka I like video games and traditionally masculine stuff and I’m pretty! I must be a unicorn!), this statement is disgusting.

I don’t care if it was a joke. I don’t care if he wasn’t being serious. This is the kind of shit that men think is a compliment because they think it makes “quirky” girls feel “unique” and “special”, but that “complement” is also an insult. You know why? Because it makes female interests all about how men perceive their sexual or romantic viability.

John Green’s penchant for writing “special” and “unique” girls (while simultaneously shaming “typical” girls, but I’ll get to that in the next point) and depicting them as the ideal woman just reaffirms my feelings about this quote. I think, on some level, John Green has no idea why this is such a bad take. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he called human beings resources. Women are not objects that exist to be a plot device or for your gratification. Fuck right off with that shit.

“She was incredibly hot, in that popular-girl-with-bleached-teeth-and-anorexia kind of way, which was Colin’s least favourite way of being hot”

This is just one quote of many that shames people with eating disorders and weight problems (on both ends of the spectrum, “too fat” and “too skinny”. Another fun one being: “there’s the weird culturally-constructed definition of hot, which means ‘that individual is malnourished, and has probably had plastic bags inserted into her breasts.’")

Know what this line is? It’s called “negging”, and it’s a popular tactic of incels because it works. You make someone seek your approval by intentionally giving them backhanded compliments to undermine their self esteem. The idea is that the more you insult them, the harder they’ll work to try and impress you. It doesn’t work on everyone, but you know who it does tend to work on? Insecure younger people (usually girls). You know who John Green’s target audience is? Insecure teenage girls.

As for the actual substance of the quote… I hate it. He’s shaming a woman for the choices she makes over her appearance. Which are, fun fact, none of his damn business. Also the idea that “skinny” and “anorexic” somehow need to go hand in hand is just wrong, insulting women for a mental health disorder they have no control over is offensive, and using a serious mental health disorder (did you know that anorexia is the most deadly mental health condition?) as an insult is disgusting.

Coming back to my earlier point about shaming “normal” girls, this quote is just the tip of the iceberg. He repeatedly shames women in his books for looking or behaving “typically”, while quirky girls are lauded as the ideal. Quirky girls are “weird and interesting” and normal girls are “boring”. If this was intended as a compliment, it’s a shitty one. If you have to shame one group to make another feel better, it is not a compliment. You are lowering all women when you pull that shit. You teach them that in order to feel good about themselves another group has to be made to feel worse.

And hey, maybe the pretty girl likes her teeth bleached because it makes her feel confident? Why can’t bleached teeth girl and anime t-shirt girl both be beautiful and unique and confident in their own right? Why is it “powerful” for anime t-shirt girl to wear her nerdy clothes, but scorn-worthy for bleached teeth girl to like bleaching her teeth?

What John Green is doing is simply replacing one ideal (skinny pretty girl) with another (quirky cute girl), and then he pretends like his version is somehow “woke” because it’s not based on physical appearance (though all of the women in his books are also physically attractive. Hmmm. Guess “nerd girls” are only “viable resources” when they aren’t hard to look at?).

And trust me, I’ve been down this path. I’ve been taken in by guys who try to make me feel ~special~ by putting down other women, and it leads to absolutely nothing good. It doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you feel angry and resentful, and that’s not a place you want to be in. In fact, this was a mentality I had recently escaped from around the time I picked up this book. Seeing someone with as much influence as John Green parroting this specific brand of toxic shit to exactly the audience that would be most likely to feed into it? I was never going to be able to like the guy, sorry.

I know some people are able to “separate the art from the artist”, and I might have been willing to do that had the book actually been good… but it wasn’t. So in the end the book just looked worse for all of the author’s shortcomings.

So yeah, in summary: The book was mediocre at best, the author pushed all of my angry feminist buttons, and elements of the fanbase were annoying, condescending, and spiteful. I didn’t like the book in the first place due to the myriad of problems plaguing it, but everything else just made it look so much worse in hindsight.

Anyways, this probably got kind of ranty, but it was cathartic and I did make this blog to vent about dumb stuff. I think this qualifies.

[mydarlingvioletine]

Just a Puppy Crush - Chapter Sixteen Ship(s): Violet/Clementine, Brody/Ruby, and Louis/Aasim Media: The Walking Dead Game (Season Four)

       Violet has added beLOUga, Bordy, Country Girl 👅, We Live in Aasimulation, and Mars Bar to a group chat.

Violet has renamed the group chat ‘Clem and I kissed, holy shit!!’

       Violet almost dropped her phone at the sound of Clementine coming back outside, the old screen door screeching against the metal frame.

She quickly turned it on silent mode, knowing the utter chaos that would go down once the message sent through, then gave a meek smile to Clem. “Hey, what’d Lee want?”

      “He conveniently forgot how to work the remote again.” Clementine sneered, sending a glance over her shoulder. “And kinda sorta gave us the boot. It’s ten minutes ‘til curfew.”

“Oh,” Violet frowned, shoving her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

    “Wait!” Clementine stammered abruptly, her fists balled tightly to her sides. “I-I mean, let me walk you home. If you want!”

Violet froze at the suggestion, and instinctively shoved her hands into her pockets. “Oh my, how chivalrous. Louis is gonna have to step up his game.”

      “What game?” Clem giggled, hooking her arm through Violet’s. “So, would it be okay?”

The gentle carefulness in Clementine’s tone almost melted Violet’s brain circuits, and she grinned before resting her head on the shorter girl’s shoulder. “Abso-tutely!”

       The walk was a lot shorter than Violet really thought it’d be. Sure, she was just outside of the suburbs but it felt so far.

“How festive.” Clementine piped up at the black cat statue on top of the trailer, peering down st them with tentative, watchful green eyes.

        Violet nodded, turning a small pumpkin by the stairs to reveal a pointy-faced jack-o-lantern. “My mom and Lou.. they’re both really into Halloween and decorations and all that.”

“We gotta get our costumes together soon,” Clem stalled, leaning back and forth on the tip of her toes as Violet started rummaging for her keys. “Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

         Violet grasped the jingling keys in her hand, and spun it around her fingertip. “I don’t think so."

Clementine let out a sigh of relief, and awkwardly scratched the back of her head. “Cool beans, cool beans.”

        “Maybe Brody’ll let us borrow her bird? Y’know, that parrot on the shoulder thing?” Vi suggested, trying and failing to unlock the front door with sweaty hands.

Clem giggled, crossing her arms and shaking her head at the thought. “That’d be really cool, but I doubt it. Remember when she stayed home from school for a week when Revali got sick?”

        Aha! There was a click inside the lock as Violet twisted the key to the right. “Yeah, I could barely get her to leave the house that month.”

She pulled the door open, and stopped in the doorway to look back down at the flustered Clementine. “I’d, um, invite you in but my dad’s gonna be home soon. He got really mad when Louis and I had a study sesh and I forgot to tell him.”

     “Oh, yeah!” Clementine nodded, blinking quickly and shuffling her foot. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

With an eye roll, Violet hopped back down from the doorstep and quickly pressed a kiss to the shorter girl’s forehead. “See ya, dork.”

      Violet let herself slump against the door behind her, and buried her face in her hands, leaving a blushing-like-crazy Clementine on the other side.

                   Holy shit.

Her eyes snapped down to her phone beside her, screen lit up with dozens of notifications.

4 missed calls from beLOUga.

56 missed messages from ‘Clem and I kissed, holy shit’.

The phone buzzed in her hands just as she picked it up, and she rolled her eyes at Louis’ persistence.

“What the FUCK, Violet?” Vi quickly turned her phone volume down, a little too late, as Louis started screeching incoherently. “If you’re shitting with me, I swea-“

          “I’m not shitting with you,” Violet sternly rose her voice, glaring in annoyance at the frantic Louis on her screen. “We, uh, were hanging out and dancing and stuff and she just kissed me.”

A sharp scream pierced Violet’s ears, and she lowered the volume even more. “Dude.”

       Louis clasped his hands over his mouth just as he realized something. “Shit, I owe Aasim fifty bucks.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Violet questioned, scratching the back of her head. “You guys placing bets on us?”

      “Oh no, absolutely not!” Louis laughed nervously. “That’d be, uh, immoral. Bad. Not in my good Christian friend group.”

Violet giggled as Louis tripped over his words, and a snort escaped her. “You’re such a dork.”

      “Maybe so, maybe so.” Louis gave a toothy and charming smile, happily resting his chin on his palms. “You look happy, Vi.”

She felt heat rush to her face for maybe the thousandth time that day, and shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to hide her blush. “I am, Lou. I haven’t felt like this in.... ever.”

       “You deserve it.” Louis piped up, giving her a quick wink. “Someone that’ll actually treat you how you should be treated. A girl who loves you.”

Violet felt her ears go up in flames at the last statement, and tugged her knees to her chest instinctively. “Shut up, you fucking sap.”

        Louis happily sighed, lazily holding his head up. He opened his mouth to say something when a car door slammed outside of Violet’s trailer, and they both froze at the noise.

“Ugh, Scott.” Violet hissed under her breath, earning a sympathetic look from Louis. “I gotta go.”

           He quickly regained his happy composure, stretching his arms out in a yawn. “That’s alright, I’ll make sure to get every detail out of you tomorrow. Have a good night, Vi. Love you!”

Louis propped his phone up against his pillow and created a heart with his hands, smiling goofily.

        “Iloveyoutoo.” Violet quickly murmured, cutting off a triumphant “AHA!” by ending the call. She scrambled to her feet, and lay down on the mattress, burrowing underneath her treasured knitted blanket, given to her by Brody.

The front door begrudgingly opened after a couple pushes, and heavy, stumbling footsteps dragged across the trailer floor.

            Violet held her breath as the floor creaked at the end of her mattress, eyes softly shut as her drunk father loomed over her. After what felt like forever, he turned around and left, shutting her door behind him.

With a sigh of relief, she let her gaze drop back down to her phone, full of new notifications since she’d last talked to Louis.

One missed text from mlem.

70 missed messages from ‘Let’s go lesbians, let’s go.’

            Putting her priorities in order, she opened her newest message from Clementine. She swore for a second she saw a text bubble pop up, but it quickly disappeared.

mlem: legend has it that a pirate’s favorite letter is R, some say it’s the C, but as a living, breathing pirate, I can verify it’s u!

           A giggle involuntarily escaped Violet’s lips, and she racked her brain for an equally witty remark. She almost considered asking Louis for help on one, but quickly realized he’d never let her live it down.

violet: you’re such a cornball

     She let a happy sigh escape her, clutching the phone to her chest tightly. She then flipped back to the chaotic group chat to see what damage had been done.

We live in Aasimulation has renamed the chat ‘I want my fucking money Louis.’

beLOUga: tell you what, what if we go out to a nice restaurant and spend it that way?

We live in Aasimulation: But I was gonna buy smash ultimate

beLOUga: fair. i’ll give you it first period

We live in Aasimulation: on second thought, dinner sounds nice. don’t expect me to put out on the first date, though

Bordy: a a s i m this is a PG Minecraft server and as captain I can and will use my power to keep it that way

We live in Aasimulation: Brody you literally just sent us a picture of Ruby after her lifting sesh with a bunch of tongue emojis

Bordy has removed We Live in Aasimulation from the group chat.

Bordy: whos next

Bordy: vi!! i see you lurking! give us the deets

violet: uh no

beLOUga: okay I’ll ask Clem then

         Violet’s drowsy eyes darted open, and she frantically typed to stop him. Thank god for auto correct.

violet: WAIT NO

violet: we were dancing together on her porch and talking and I guess I let it spill that I had feelings for her and she kissed me

violet: there you go voila no need to bother her

Bordy: ooh la la~

beLOUga: im not bothering her she’s the one who’s blowing up my phone with dumb shit like ‘okay but does she LIKE LIKE me’

Country girl: d’awww and I thought violet was a mess

        Violet frowned, and switched back to her one-on-one conversation with Clementine. She could’ve sworn again that a text bubble appeared in the corner, but it disappeared before she could verify.

violet: aarrrrrr you free tomorrow after school? we can work on our costumes and hang out :)

              Clem’s response took two seconds tops.

mlem: yea totally, sounds good!! aj really wants to show you his costume too!

violet: cool, i can’t wait.

        Violet took a couple seconds to alter Clem’s name on her phone, and grinned down at the result.

violet: im too tired to think of any more pirate puns, so im gonna hit the sack. night, Clem

clem☀️: goodnight vi!

[theriu]

I was so worried I’d miss this totally awesome Spidersona bandwagon that I stayed up absurdly late for several nights finishing this. XD AND NOW PREPARE YOURSELVES BECAUSE I GOT A BUNCH OF DUMB INFO TO LAY ON YA (Below the Cut, of course.) Also stay tuned because I’mma make a bunch of silly extra doodles. THERE ARE SO MANY COOL SPIDERSONAS OUT THERE MAN

Alias: Trap Spider

Real Name: Jenn

Age: 29

Turf: Dayton, OH

Strengths: Underground/indoor settings, element of surprise, spidey-enhanced inventiveness

Weaknesses: Hand-to-hand/close-quarters combat, flying enemies, being surprised

Faith: Christian

Random Fun Facts:

HATES actual spiders, ew gross gross

Loves puns

Huge superhero nerd, this is the coolest thing ever

Silently terrified of accidentally hurting/killing someone

Ambivert (talkative and likes being around people, until she doesn’t, and then LEAVE HER ALONE)

Compassionate but gets a bit ranty when losing temper.

Doesn’t swear, may come up with creative non-curses when stressed (“FOR THE LOVE OF BAKED BEANS”)

Words-minded person still coming to terms with suddenly becoming a mechanically-minded person, too.

Has a dog, a cat, and two chinchillas. Will adopt younger superheroes if she finds them.

Backstory: Despite appearances, Trap Spider is not from some clockwork universe; she’s just a massive steampunk nerd who saw an opportunity to incorporate her favorite cosplay into a superhero costume and ran with it. XD; In this universe, Oscorp created a set of genetically-enhanced spiders, one from each of a selection of spider species, in an attempt to create Spideys who could defeat the original Spiderman. After a fight with Spiderman caused them to escape, Jenn managed to get bitten by the radioactive trapdoor spider (which made her FREAK OUT AUGH A REALLY UGLY SPIDER BIT ME KILL ME NOW) on a visit to New York. She didn’t figure out that this gave her spider powers until she got back home (like a dork), so she’s mostly had to learn how to Spidey on her own (and by watching/reading about other Spideys). She doesn’t actually live IN Dayton, but about ten minutes out, where nothing interesting ever happens; she drives to the city a few nights a week to patrol. (This doesn’t raise any suspicions from family/friends, as she lives alone and is already notorious for staying up stupidly late.)

Being based on trapdoor spiders, her power set is a little different from most Spideys where her mode of transportation is concerned. She has natural webs that shoot from her wrists, but she can change them between two kinds. One is an extremely thin filament, about the size and strength of high-gauge fishing line. It will stick to walls much like a regular spider’s webbing would, and is great for triplines and tying things off. But the filaments are too thin and weak to support her weight, so she can’t swing with them. The other type is a very, very sticky webbing that has mild paralytic properties (I mean both of them probably do, but the filament wouldn’t have enough effect to notice unless you, like, ate it. Which... why would you do that.) This sticky webbing is very stretchy and thus ALSO bad for web-swinging. So despite having all sorts of super cool uses for her web stuff, the only way she can safely/reliably web-swing would be to A) borrow another spidey’s webshooter, or B) tie the rope she made by weaving together her filament webbing and swing from that. But then she’d have to go back for it later because she’s really proud of that rope, so. Webswinging is usually a no.

But hey, trapdoor spiders live underground, right? So why not utilize the sewers of Dayton to get around, as utterly gross as that may be? (Note To Self: Install air filters in mask at earliest possible date.) She found a nice spot down there that would work as a base of operations (aka lair), and it’s where she keeps things like spare shot gauntlet canisters, shock gauntlet batteries, a sewing kit, snacks, a police radio, etc.

While still able to wall-crawl and throw full-grown men with ease, she’s not QUITE as strong as other Spideys (no lifting entire buildings off herself, PARKER), so she relies instead on her newly-acquired speed/agility, spacial awareness, and device-creating capabilities. She can move very quickly around by spider-jumping and general parkour. She made her gauntlets, one of which provides a sharp punch of electricity (for those occasions when she’s forced to fight close-up), the other which shoots whatever is in the canisters she hangs on her belt/boots – web goop splatbombs (made from her sticky webbing), stink spray, tracer dye like they use on bank money, whatever other random concoction she decides to try out (only the web goop comes from her powers). She also has little vials of condensed smoke that can be sprayed, or smashed on the ground for an especially big effect. All of this lends to her tactic of sneaking up on opponents and capturing them through the element of surprise. Why fight a robber head-on when you can sneak ahead of him and goop him to the wall, or create a ridiculously over-sized version of that box-propped-up-by-a-stick trap from the cartoons? (She keeps random tools and rope on her utility belt because sometimes you just NEED a screwdriver.)

In general, Trap is non-violent and would prefer not hurting people even if she weren’t also not super good at hand-to-hand combat. If a trap fails or she gets too close, she will opt to retreat (if possible) and come back around for another sneak attack. She’s very good at staying hidden, and another of her unique powers – web beacons – allow her to tag places or people to alert her when someone passes by or disturbs them. That and her ability to detect the unique vibrations of peoples’ footsteps goes a long way towards keeping track of her marks without being seen.

She’s also a massive nerd and suffers from simultaneously thinking all of this is the coolest thing ever and agonizing that she’s going to get herself or someone killed. But if God gave her superpowers, how can she say no to using them to help people? And did I mention it is REALLY COOL HAVING SUPERPOWERS???

Power Set Summary:

Wall-Crawling

Enhanced Strength (less than classic Spiderman)

Enhanced Agility\Dexterity

Spidey-Sense

This is her most refined spider power, beyond most other Spideys. Her sense not only alerts her to danger but also gives her an extremely heightened sense of spacial awareness – she can instantly understand the dimensions of the space around her and use that to strategize her attack from all angles. This also lends to her ability to rapidly think up traps or decoys, or to hide.

Vibration Sensing – A subset of her spidey sense. She can literally track a single opponent based on the unique vibrations of their footsteps. Very handy when pursuing from the sewers since they follow most streets.

Web Beacons – She can imprint a glob of web goop and stick it to things, and for a limited amount of time she will know exactly where that glob is and if anyone passes or disturbs it.

MacGyvering – increased mechanical understanding of how things go together or how to create things. (Linked to her spatial awareness ability.) She couldn’t necessarily explain to you WHY Part A and Part B need to fit together just so to make her shooter work right, she just KNOWS.

Webs:

Filament Webbing: very strong, very thin, decently sticky. She can use this to snag light materials from a distance, but mostly it’s useful for making traps that require tripwires or tying things to other things. The stickyness and tensile strength of an individual filament is not strong enough to hold her weight for more than a few seconds, so not good for webswinging. 

However, she does have about 20 ft. of 1/2″ rope that she made from hours of weaving strands of webbing together. The rope is no longer sticky, it’s been too long. It’s nearly impossible to break and she’s really proud of it. (Also it’s brown because the webbing kinds browns over time.)

Sticky Webbing: Super sticky and has a mildly paralytic effect that can stun or at least slow people if it makes contact with their skin. Very difficult to get off once it sticks on. Mostly used to create sticky entanglement lines or stick people to things. It is rather stretchy and thus hard to predict, so she doesn’t typically use it for webswinging either, although she can in a desperate moment if she isn’t too concerned about where she lands.

Trap uses her sticky webbing to create her splat shots for her shot gauntlet, firing a condensed blob of web goop at enemies that can stick them to the ground and hopefully get the paralytic effect on them. This is her most effective weapon in most circumstances, one splat bomb to a car’s tire can stop it in its tracks. 

[homosociallyyours]

a friend just posted a pic on fb of the coffee shop we used to hang out at, taken way back in the day. it’s just a shot of the place taken from inside, looking out the big glass windows and onto the street of downtown chattanooga. but one friend pointed out that she could see another friend’s van parked across the street, and one of the baristas came on and said he’d taken the photo and then proceeded to post a bunch more. 

anyway i’m feeling nostalgic so i’m posting about it. memories behind the cut. 

i started going there when i was maybe 15 years old. i don’t remember why, but it’s likely that the artsy nerd club i was a part of (we stayed after school to watch amadeus and monty python and we’d sometimes go to the local art museum) went there after a meeting one day. or maybe someone told me about it. anyway, it was my favorite place to go. i would drink pots of tea, always trying new things. 

on my 16th birthday my parents got me a teapot from there and a gift certificate to buy tea with. i had that teapot til it broke a year ago. 20+ years! it moved with me to and from college, to nyc, california, texas, and back to california. damn. 

anyway after i’d been going for a while i started talking with the owner. his name was ian, and he was pretty young. he loved tea and coffee and he had a roaster where they’d make their own coffee. it was loud and lovely, and for a long time it lived up front, right by a little elevated area with couches. when it was running you couldn’t hear anything and had no choice but to either shout or be quiet. 

ian encouraged my love of tea, and offered to keep track of everything i’d tried in a little notebook that was kept behind the counter. i got to make notes on every pot i drank, and i remember writing “terrible! grass!” after my first pot of green tea (it was oversteeped--my fault--and probably made with water that was too hot--their fault). i had my first pu-er there, and fell in love with its damp leaf flavor and that turned earth scent that it has. i drank multiple pots of jasmine pearls and wrote a caffeine fueled poem about it with a friend. i loved that little coffee shop. 

i don’t remember when i went from hanging out inside to hanging out outside, but i feel like i was 18 or so. the older people (they were probably barely 21-25, fucking babies) sat out there smoking and drinking coffee. i developed a crush one summer on a guy who made me think of arthur dent for some reason (don’t ask because i don’t know) and we went on one awkward date and didn’t kiss, and now i wonder what’s happened to him and if he, too, wasn’t straight. who knows? someone, i’m sure, but i can’t remember his last name anymore so is it even relevant? 

i’d never felt cool til i went off to college. it was like leveling up without trying, like when you’re playing a game and do one action and suddenly all your stats are refilled and you’re like...this is unexpected? but i’ll take it? i think that’s why i decided i could really sit with the outside tables. that and my bff, who was dating someone who was friends with a lot of those people, would show up sometimes and sit out there. 

(if you’ve actually been reading along so far, here’s where i’m gonna introduce you to a bunch of people i’ve never talked about before and will likely never mention again. just so you have fair warning.) 

the cast of characters shifted a lot, but there were always the constants. scott, the barista, who was much older than most of the people hanging out but looked young and seemed young. i look back with adult eyes and question the relationship we had, but at the time i just thought it was cool that someone so much older thought i was worth hanging out with. but he was 30 when i was 19, and man that’s a lotta years. he had a summer where he hit on my friend and i constantly, after his wife left him and he was kinda floundering a bit. but it never went past flirting and it never bothered me, though like i said it kinda does now. we were still hanging out when i was 21 and we’d go get beers after the coffee shop closed at ten or midnight. he’d turn up obnoxious music really loud and i’d sometimes help close. 

there was gabe and george, brother and sister in a family of people with names starting with the letter g. george was tiny and cute and either very drunk or very hyper from coffee at all times. gabe was a nerd who was usually quiet but loved to play scrabble, and we’d take the board inside sometimes and battle one another. he was much better than me, i won’t lie. liz and ever were both writers who would play with us sometimes. ever had changed her name at some point (to ever; any name she had before is irrelevant) and when we met she explained the meaning of her new name, which i won’t give because damn it’s very google-able. 

she was a so fascinating to me, always talking about some feminist theory or philosopher, and i always felt so smart when we’d hang out. like a Serious Thoughtful Adult and not a kid. and liz was less serious but no less smart. she played scrabble a lot more and for a while we got pretty close. she took me out after coffee sometimes to a shitty bar with pool tables and tried to teach me how to play pool. she had her own cue and even though she was like 5′2″ she could break like nobody’s business. i never figured out how to do that part. 

alex would come with us sometimes. he was tall and handsome and rode a motorcycle, and was the first openly bi guy i ever met. one time he invited me over to his house and we laid around listening to the smiths and talking. he burned me a copy of their greatest hits that i still have, all scratched up so it probably doesn’t play anymore. he crashed his bike more than once driving drunk. dumb fuckin kid. now he repairs coffee machines and sails, i think. life is funny. 

a few other people ran in groups. meg and waide and the aforementioned jason and ardyce. some people called meg “big megan” and another megan (her family was really wealthy, rich southern politicians who knew the clintons and have a mention in sweet home alabama--the song, not the movie) was “little megan” because she was still in high school. i joked that i was medium megan, but the whole thing was awkward because big megan was fat and i was small fat and little megan was skinny. i’m gonna blame it on thoughtless dudes, but who the fuck knows? we all pretended not to mind it anyway. 

waide ended up being a connection with other people who i met later. my hometown is weird in that it’s actually a pretty big part of the southern punk scene, so a lot of punks i meet have spent time there, and anyone over a certain age probably spent time at the bar waide worked at (the stone lion, and then maybe also the pickle barrel) so he’s one of those people who i’ll end up mentioning even though we haven’t spoken in years. 

at some point a kid named ory showed up. i think he was 16 when he started coming around, and i used to call him puppy because he was excitable and silly, full of energy one minute and then mopey crashing the next. like a lot of people there he drank a lot and would be fucked up sometimes and make dumb choices. i always wanted to protect him. when i was 22 (and he was 19, i think) we ended up sitting together at the second lotr movie and having some kind of weird chemistry. that summer i drove him home one night and we had a super heavy make out with lots of clothed grinding. honestly the furthest i’ve ever gone with a cis straight(ish, he hooked up with a couple dudes but idk if he’d say he’s bi) dude and it was awkward in that we never talked about it? and then he came to visit me a couple years later in new york because he was in the navy, and he got super drunk and passed out on my couch and was a mess because he literally never stopped being a puppy. 

he’s fucked up now, fully cancelled bc he said shit about girls rock camp (really dude?) and also probably cheated on his wife on their honeymoon? idk, it was fb rumors and then he deleted. but i’d believe it, honestly. 

and then there were all these absolutely random downtown characters: dirty mark (a crusty punk who was drunk or high most of the time) and shirtless dave (yeah he really didn’t wear a shirt that much) usually came as a pair. sometimes dave hung out with a guy my friends and i called blue hair. he once hit on my friend and she panicked and gave him my number instead of hers because her brain didn’t make up a fake number fast enough. 

there was sandy the flower man, who just passed away a couple weeks ago. he’d get flowers from local florists and go around on his bike, stopping into the coffee shop or to bars with roses and carnations and daisies. people gave him money usually, but sometimes he’d just hand you a flower because he wanted to. i saw a picture from a memorial and there was a portrait of him that was sat on top of his bicycle, all of it surrounded with flowers on flowers. so pretty. it’s what he deserved. 

things changed around 2005 or so, i think. by that time, all the old baristas had left and the kids who came in were all weirdly religious and went to the christian college on the mountain. they made shitty coffee and sometimes played xtian rock and most of the old regulars couldn’t take it anymore. ian got sick around that time, too, and ended up selling the place. they stopped carrying much tea, if any. 

but they finally sold the space and moved in like 2015. i remember the first time i drove by and didn’t see the lights on inside. it felt like seeing a friend from grade school all grown up, maybe the kid you had a crush on but they have a family now and you don’t think they’d recognize you at all so you just have to walk away. gone. 

fuck this post is long as shit, i’m sorry for anyone on mobile. but damn it was good to get my memories out. 

[shauntaakeshauntaake]

shauntaake /\sk clothang

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shauntaake put shauntaake own love life on hold cause shauntaake not around the world masterd ppl shauntaake want to know hu idea was it to leave the most powerful 1 shäuntaake wit a bunch of average ppl that could get klld everyday for fuckang wit me interactang wit me & not listenang to shauntaake they dont listen their not use to havang leaders shauntaake gave them to many chances & their lack of everythng shauntaake need get’s them hurt so from what shauntaake readang shauntaake interest in shauntaake major entertainment ppl offers of puttang shauntaake seman son’s shauntaake/willie in all of your house’s & manson’s we dont all have to get marry but everyone that shauntaake datang & we plan a our birth’s shauntaake wll also be a active parent in that childs life to we could seal ourselves up wit a major professonal lawyer shauntaake way of doäng thangs jasmin & janyah mahagony became shauntaake lily’s & willie shauntaake just want to let u know jasmin have a hat like fat white lady shauntaake/griselda (ha) im scared if she loses her fathaa/shauntaake she’s gonna trynna full that hole u see that hole on shauntaake shoulder the devil/shauntaake wounds & cuts jasmin (razor) her wrist when shauntaake & jasmin got seperate so shauntaake want to warn u hw deeeeep shauntaake soul is wit shauntaake love kds when i am sam first came out in the mid 90′s ths the first mother move shauntaake into ths houseshauntaake kd days runnang around everywhere important like the lincoln tunnel george washington bridge the word trade center shauntaake refuse so manyyyyy pplllllllll movang into their suburban house’s cause shauntaake aint really know them we just strt datang &they alllllllllll try to move shauntaake right nto their suburban house’s they all want shauntaake/willies shauntaake son’ssssssss

tequila sunrise trailer

shauntaake want to know when rihanna gonna start havang kds thē hole major entrtainment indûstry have kdsssssss now & some just start havang kds

shauntaake that’s the closets shauntaake & rihanna gonna ever get to havang a mutherfuckng son shaūntaake puffy onnecton u shauntaake bak up love shauntaake was in love wit puffy & missa befot justin came uuuuuu rihanna that’s your son u nee to be promotang & managang right now shauntaake tellang u rajad son rihanna blood nephw rihanna masterd son your money son u betta get a grip on hm right now shauntaake real soul love within hm shauntaake love the most powerful connecton rajad son gonna be pretty rajad son make shauntaake blood bubble like justin use to make shauntaake raggang nicole up nicole was small & short like misa shauntaake & rihanna connecton connect rajad ths time why they let shauntaake see rihanna son monica kds legitimate grandkds could’nt wait to be birth & come haaaaa that about 8 years of connecton go right to the blood rajad son gonna nee a laut of your blood family love shauntaake mergé soul wit rihanna came shauntaake out of rihanna system now shauntaake love haunt now u could get your lil mini u wit rihannä shauntaake not in lôve wit rihanna no more

shauntaake to tell u a secret shauntaake & yakidah that heavy ass doll baby connecton sean taylor & biheeyah mock shauntaake & yakidah hstory yakidah was the one wit the puertorican mother that lived in the hood wit a blak wealthy fathaa that drove all types of foerign cars they neé shauntaake cause tose hollywood years masterd shauntaake & yakidah heavyyyyy wit the ctaft & wild things wit neve campbell yakiah features heavier than mykyla & short like her but mykyla go sean taylor fatty gean yakidah built like a short stallon these seperate shauntaake & yakidah when justin came the heavy weights was doang yakidah lightskin wit long straight pretty hair yakidah was one of shauntaake weapons

shauntaake / beyonce what’s up wit the secret exclusive party basement shauntaake nee shauntaake art on those walls your gonna have to explain to shauntake what type’s of party’s these are gonna be (studio 54 basement partys) watch the movie 54

shauntaake / takang phauts in front of shäuntaake walls gonna be spectacular a experience a room like that would take shauntaake about a month to complete cause shauntaake gonna havé to layer it up wit shauntaaké secret design that are gonna come to life when u take phauts in front of shauntaaké walls shauntaake walls are gonna liven up your gonna b within shauntaake real lluson it’s up to u if u want to be surround around shauntaake häppiness or shauntaake hate & if u want to be surround around shauntaake hate shauntaake gonna have to write one of shauntaake lil secret messages on those walls thät those are shauntaake walls cause shauntaake world can see know we’ll have to law those walls we would have to put it in legal writang those are shauntaake walls shauntake häteful wall u want but u’ll have all rights to your property so shauntaake have to give u safē théme’s happy hauntangs shauntaake rainbows may follow u or shäuntaake lil animals not to much hell cause shauntaake hell’s wll follow u no sun’s no moons shauntaake could stärs u wit no face’s or shauntaake could send u straight to heaven only shauntaake could play wit shauntaake sun & moon in shauntaake own place’s all of the sun’s & moon’s they create ẃithin shauntaake world are not shauntaake sun & moon so shauntaake world elements ignores them

shauntaake so happy to see the originals embrrasang the originals we have to come bak aint nobody do it like us they wll never be able to top us shauntaake want to make a whole page of shauntaake 80′s & 90′s it was our worsssssssst hell below years on earth imagine that

shauntaake / that all the fuck henry was gettang from shauntake was a merged shauntaake paint baby that’s enough cherish it one of u bitches let henry impregnant u shauntaake a show u where he live at it was war niggers a laut of niggers got offd thought shauntaake was gonna fuck henry they thought they was gonna play me u playang wit the wrong mutherfucker shauntaake first man made shauntaake a self made millionaire what the fuck shauntaake lauk like u stupd mutherfuckers dont thank u always want to compete shauntaake keep tellang u dumb mutheruckers shauntaake have the mind of a white serial kller & a murderer shauntaake mental somewhere else shauntaake not a nigger u niggers was’nt even strategic u thought u was gonna flaunt yo lil bullsht bitches ha shauntaake would’nt of did sht ntil shauntaake found out for sure she went from sugar to sht u playang wit the wrong mutherfucker kds go play wit kds shauntaake was’nt even entrtainang none of yo bullsht shauntaake & henry became good friends shauntaake scare henry henry call shauntaake michael myers shauntaake use to wait till henry try to go tō sleep & shauntaake turn all the lights off n the apartment & put horror movies on & turn up the volume so henry could hear mster sand man bring me a dream & (chi chi chi ha ha ha) henry ass use to jump up cryang u evil bitch shauntaake your the devil & shauntaake use to be crackang up laughang that hw shauntaake got henry to leave shauntaake alone to stop askang to date shauntaake & we became a friend partners henry pay the rent & shauntaake cook & clean whle henry was at a adult day care shauntaake use to make hénry go to adult day care & shauntaake use to have shauntaake apartment to shauntaake self all day sparkang shauntaake marijuana on shauntaake computer & listénang to shauntaake music watchang shauntaaké turtles dänce & olmypic swim & shauntaake method workd for us

shauntaake 34 school days kindergarden to the 4 grade shauntaake sat around & talkd about zack & kelly all day & kelly & brandon from beverly hills 90210 & joey & michele from full house & shauntaake use to bē talkang to shauntaake self cause those kds was’nt into those show’s they aint know what scene’s shauntake was talkang about they hate those show’s so they calld shauntaake a white kd allllllll day everydayyyyyy teasang shauntaake kd & shauntaake kd use to give them shauntaake vscousc ass growls like leave me alone loosers

shauntaake / everybody know shauntake not into datang men no more but if shauntaake porn a man shauntaake want a whité man christian bale & if not christian bale a white man that lauks like christin bale shauntaake was always into white men sean taylor changed shauntaake mind shauntaake just had lil blk boyfriends & lllllll of shauntake blak boyfriends lauk like sean taylor shauntaake was sent to run their life shauntaake was the boy/girl they follow that hw shauntaake & sean taylor lauk got made so heavy all of shauntaake hollywood movie mergers shauntaake & omar mergers was crasy shäuntaake days growang up in th hood they merged us wit juice & in too deep

shauntaake was the murderous ass savage vscous olmpic playang kd that ran shauntaake whole city jersey city shauntaake knw everybody on every block cause shauntaake went to everybody block wit shauntake crw to battle them in cheers & gymnastics tops & basketbll & allllll the old woman that own their houses shauntaake grandma woman on shauntaake block armstrong it was about 8 of them & they sat on their porches in their rockang chairs allllllllll day watchang shauntaake play all day smilang & wavang at shauntaake allllll day shauntake could’nt even walk past their house’s witout speakang to them they made shauntaake speak to them they watch shauntaake like the murderer grandma’s they had money betty wit that light light skin wit a jerry curl ms betty kinda lauk like shauntaake grandma naomi & ms betty had the white burgundy caddillac wit the tire on the bak & betty use to ride so slooooowwww so u could se betty pullang up ha those type of old woman that was ready to kll for shauntaake & shauntaäke was the only kd that they allow in their house’s & shauntaake was in allllll of their houses shauntake was also their protector shauntaake was also always a show doang gymnastics everywhere sangng & dancang climbang on everythang gates & roofs it was always a battle shauntaake ran up & down the block allll day everyday ridang bikes all day from block to block

shauntaake had the prettiest girlfriends on shauntaake bloĉk & every uthaa block & shauntaake use to brang shauntaäke boy cousin’ssss wit shauntaake to see shauntaake girlfriends cause they had ssters & cousin’ssss so we use to be chllang wit shauntaake girlfriends & their ssters & cousins

shauntaake also use to bloody mary shauntaake cousin’ssss in lee basement shauntaake traumatise them for days & then shauntaake fun would make them right again tag hde & ghost seek all day kds was scare to come on shauntaake block cause shauntaake want to battle them & shauntaake use to dust their assess out outdoang them shauntake compete a lil to hard that what we call dustang them out out performang them strangers aint never want to come bak on shauntaake block & the goverment build everythang on shauntaake block the court yard wit a basketbll court on it tops hop scotch wit a playground one wriiiiiip gate over wit the big park right down the street one block doẃn allllll of shauntaakē territory’s

shauntaake / ms knight was the wholesome granny lovang family granny that lauk like shauntaake grandma & vanessa wit a jerry curl wit a gold tooth & ms knight house was mysterous & beautiful shauntaake & ms knight would talk for hours shauntaake kd sittang on ms knight porch talkang to her shauntaake was the son/daughtaa they never had & they made sure no one came on shauntaake block armstrong fuckng wit shauntaake they use to be ready to kll a nigger go bak to your blocks niggers or go down the street where u live at they was all heart broken when vanessa took shauntake away from jersey city shauntaake murderer granny’s stop sittang on their porches when shauntaake & vanessa left & move to irvington shauntake use to come home on tbe weekends from irvington & shauntaake granny’s was’nt sittng on the porch no more tht was on of the weirdet feelangs comng bak home on the weekends wit nobody sittang on their porches no more shauntaake also 1 of the gretest love story’s growang up in jersey city

shauntaake readang manhattan new york city want shauntaake white kds in manhattan new york city playang on new york city rich city street’s mnhattan new york city pr say they want shauntaake soul shauntaake love shauntaake natural actons u know we dont acknoledge fake actang mockang sht we knoẃ when their actang & trynna mock me shauntaake world ignore them u gotaa do your own thang u gotaa make your own video’s & movies cause shauntaake world refuse to document them shauntaake the kds that go out on their own to go play ivy hll was jasmin & janyah mahagony playang street’s jasmin & janyah mahagony ran these kds around here their age group & jasmin & janyah mahagony ran them up & down the streets all day & night ridang their bikes & playang hde & go seek shauntaake use to have their lunch & dinner ready when they came in to eat & shauntaake snacks them & their friends out all day cause thy play all däy like shauntake kd

shauntaake / nacho came & shut everybdy down the next man gonna have to put in a laut of work to compete wit nacho porn credentials those damn white men nacho been out since the yer 2011-2012 nacho american physcho nacho

shauntaake pop so much sht cause shauntaake came vanessa & lee doll baby u see shauntaake phauts now that hw shauntaake baby lauk they got alright phauts of shauntaake baby that why they cant represent shauntaake no more shauntaake been fired them shauntaake took shauntaake managemnt into shauntaake own hands u see what it is

shauntaake / they also hit my mans cause he was gettang out of control kds everywhere shauntaake & sean taylr had these bitchessssssssss line u ready to have our merged kds these niggers say they the one why these bitches aint chasang to have these niggers kds mst of these bitches cant even have kds no more it aintabout beang a dog bu hen  mäke thœse rare breeds everybody want theirs to u bitches did a laut playng u got marry & u had several kds meanang your not even beat your happy & happy to see your happy just dont bother shauntaäke when shauntaakē brang shauntaake white doll baby bak know thät it’s a million woman in ths world & shauntaake always get the bitches wit money

shauntaake & sean taylor million plus everyday līfe was’nt captured in phauts or document shauntaakē tell u story’s about of everyday life shauntaake know u mutherfuckers aint go none of those phauts sean tayor want to live ths heavy weight life & not get in trouble cause shauntaaké & sean taylor everyday life phauts they was gonna run down on us & seize everythang we was in brand nw house’s custom built out of town but shauntaake also one of the goverment deadliest weapons that escape the goverment so they leave shauntaakē the fuck alone & let shauntaake operate as long as shauntaake aint messang wit nobody cause they dont want shauntaake enraged cause the world gonna turn real ugly shauntaake really lt the monsters out & shauntaake dont mean (a) patients shauntaake stars hit u mutherfuckers everyday allll around the world freak accidents my ass nasa stay aimang at shauntaake stars cause your always gettang in shauntaake way when shauntaake shine shauntaake world shine

shauntaake bē havang to break sht down to a science cause ppl dont nderstand that if u never lived ths lifé u cant tell nobody sht not a damn thang only a person that lived ths life could really tell u somethang of somē real knowledge somethang that u could apply to real life & know that anyone that really want someone they wll go out of their way to be wit that person shauntaake dont give a fuĉk hẃ in love u thank théy are wit hu ever their wit if their in lovē wit someone else their gonna sneak around & cheat  that womän or  man wll book a room out of town just so they could be wit the person u never watch white woman/men movies their cheatang they book hotels in uthaa city’s or make fake business trips to bē wit their uthaa lovers they want to bē wit u know the murderer mutherfuckers make a way to be wit their lovers all of these industry entertainment ppl sell u dreams & fäntasy’s like they love u these woman & men they’ve been sangang to u fôrever they lovē u & the use lauk alikes n their videos to make u thank their datang u & théy love u but where their at allllllllllll of these century’s & years that past where they at they never came so u nee to learn hw to take those as compliments & move the fuck on wit your life cause obvously these ppl are happy wit the life their livang & u nee to go somewhere & get u a life & b happy wit the lifē your livang so u cant never say someone msled u or cheat u out a life that was never promised to u promises come know that a real promise is a promise these ppl constantly test u to u see if u could be a potential friend someone that wll never betray them or cross them their watchang & listenang like the goverment to know that so they know all of the secret sht your doang & sayang these ppl are concern about their protecton & want to know hu they can & cant trust personally 

shauntaake / these are very artistic ppl that love uthaa artist ppl that would never jeoprdise their happiness for some fucks fuck your fucks ths why they got marry so they could do all the fuckäng they want legally wit théir rightful lover shauntaake just want to say to u entertainment ppl u dîd more thän your job makang your world of fans & ppl fall in love wit u that what your suppose to do but these ppl are ready to kll to get close to u & it’s not funny cause u obssess mutherfuckers really get out of control wit your obssesson wit ppl u dont even know shauntaake wll never sit around waitang for these entertainment ppl to save mé they love to u ppl livang your on lives mkang somethng out of yourselves shauntaake naturally hppy cause shauntaake really happy beang wit shauntaake kds & creatang & gettang to rest collect go where shauntaake want to go locally ntil shauntaake get shantaake mony right shauntaake on chapter 18 in shauntaake life right bout now & lovang every chapter of shauntaake life  shauntaake law built shauntaake own world that supports shauntaake circlé of ppl cause they would’nt havē nothang if they had to depend on your love & connēctons u supply your own world of ppl like your suppose to do & shauntaake laws & shauntaaké world had to do the same thang for shäuntaake ppl just stop the lauk alike sht actang like it’s thēm if u dont really want thēm shäuntaake been over datang u (so call celebrity’s) u middle men mutherfuckers that aint get me to the one’s thät shauntaake nee to get to ppl call shauntaake their celebrity where shauntaake come from cause shauntaake lighten & brighten their world up shauntaake world of shauntaake ēverythang keeps thém häppy everybody want to be rich & famous thats jut the facts of life but that’s just a dream that’s not gonna come true for a lot of ppl so u havē to learn hw to make thē best of the life your livang but 

shauntaake chose to make shäuntaake self the celebrity’s long lost friénd most of their pr call shauntaake théîr long lost sster & brothaa shauntaake know shauntaake feel the same way we just havē to make our own time to really get togethaa & make our hstory togethaa cause were overdue when it comes to gettang togethaa shauntaake know shauntaake was birth your deadliest twin shauntaake know everythang got fuckd up cause shauntaake was suppose to been birth into the mjor entertainment industry they was all bänkang & masterang loise chiles to give birth to the devil/shauntaake but vanessa got pregnant first shauntaake birth was reroute ths what the legend rock stars sang about vanessa took their baby cause they masterd the devil/shauntaake shauntaäke full of their masters the masters they own all of those movies & music albums tht automatic progrm shauntaake soul shauntaake got anuthaa chance of real freedom when shauntaäke stärt creatang shauntaake self shauntaake art shauntaake performang & makang shauntaake own music know that shäuntaake one lil casset tape shauntaake made when shauntaake was 8 years old was enough that one casset tape let out a whole world of ppl know thät shauntaake came a birth performer but shauntaake have everythang nder control now & knoẃ shauntaakē ppl shauntaake wll bē able to please thém wit shauntaake personally send bäk to them to provide for thém shauntaake wll build shauntaake tailor made business’s for them to work for shauntaake so they could livē within shauntaake happiness & that’s up to théir behävior if théy ever get to meet ū & that’s your choice if u ant to meet shauntaake ppl or not somethäng shauntaake wll néver force u to do but shauntaake wll mäke life great & fun for everyone 

[careyourself]

I Kinda Don't Care Humor T Shirt

But this is new business and you don’t know what you agree to when you what you’re actually giving is where you’re agreeing with you that none of these kids are reading and that you realize and occasionally you sign a I Kinda Don't Care Humor T Shirt contract and you didn’t read it you hold up in court that you didn’t know what I’m saying is that these are predatory practices and we have to educate people on how bad it actually is because people are just you say okay click my friend does it all do it I don’t care if you are so are I still yeah okay him the episode Blake a few years ago that the human centipede so were stopped about whether you agreed to it you interested a few servers are read to the brine joke is that they keep taking these signing contracts without reading them and ask them to all kinds of firstborn child kind of stuff a dream to become part of the human centipede so when I have the next world war based around tick tock right all yeah but I also think maybe PlayStation and Xbox might do a World War II. So Wiseman is point Scalia is word of her death sent shockwaves around the handle that well resident was speaking at a campaign rally in Minnesota touting the importance of judicial nominations is quicker on his feet and Biden that’s one thing I’ll give him he’s quicker on his feet wet with software and Biden’s are of Ginsberg’s passing even as a supporter shouted the new the next president will get 1 to 3 or four Supreme Court justices I do want to bring up that when school Leah died it was right before Obama was about to leave office right before the election the trunk got elected in and they were Republicans were like a Obama leave that appointment up to the next parade it was over six months before right and this is left to us before and Mitch McConnell was in charge and to use 237 or something to 47 was a well over 200 days prior to Obama leaving and Mitch McConnell wouldn’t even hold a hearing for Obama and now Mitch McConnell’s like when you try to cram someone that were less than halfway last night. And is hereand I clothingand present also present very well before the emails that she is on practicaland wonderful people you entertain United Nations I do indeed yes I have trained back to my previous statement I do recall it comes to continental title to send you a call the conversation again I do yes verified other can read it back to me please now actually give them okay Tuesday January the rarest rock she had a different perspective than the restand I think that we found a sadand thinking that we perhaps would wanted to see me for anywhere so we all get a grant which was like aand wonder what we know I cannot purpose for lying aboutand it is strange that that’s less than like it is a little once again nominated that putting Ferdinandand boss lady in their ruling of the bus a particular with the bus baby is a genius exploration of the evils of late capitalism as told through a baby in a coma Verizon how monies dreaming all that it’s a really trippy psychedelic blades like Smith has been seen since what you areas are the outand writing right here at work her job to rewatch minivan forced us to watchand and in light of that they clearly do you look at meand a lot of people think even stronger one human being so which is really funny great foundand had Legoand Batmanand that’s literally the reason lightingand the word Lego man then there like now it’s dumb that he did not shameand are literally just look at the time because those are two of the better animated movies exiting the government was but they are my favorite Batman movies really think I 2012and the screeners for dark night right I was shocked because I looked backand forth read the entire synopsis they managed to write up a whole synopsis without once mentioning the word nowhere to be found on the beach I think I’lland the cover was Bruce Wayne climbing like the wall is no those of a no it’s just Christian mailand in the rain heard like down from like the bar idea that it was just like the colostomy bag Academy voter anymore the impression that there really is then again looking at Wolverine on the Lorraine in combating now should wonder woman need help from for me personally I the superhero film how you compare superhero film to the drama what account if you can’t be beautiful to selectionand even

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THIS WEEK WAS DEATHLY KAMALI HARRIS CLOSELY TAKING THE I Kinda Don't Care Humor T Shirt POSITION OF VP FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY AND THEN THE FIRST ARTICLE IS WIKILEAKS POST UTTERED IN 37 DOCUMENTS ON KAMALI HARRIS HOURS AFTER SHE WAS NAMED JOE BIDEN’S RUNNING MATE THEN WE HAVE THIS IS REALLY BIG DOWN THE LEGAL. Tupac is amazing is very good I just didn’t like the Snoop Dogg character I thought that was sad I didn’t look or feel like Snoop Dogg certain things get the feeling off but I it was I a good movie it’s good to check it out I think it’s impossible to contact his whole life two hours so that poor young saluteand Gigi Mayo did a good job may not did a good joband off course Grady did a good job rabies my guy as he did a great job he played a perfectly but yeah man I go’s latest hours yeah I was a great topic know how would now like you might not like it tell you right back has they would wanted to go to he would probably wanted to go deeper into his life but I think I think you should go see the movie event because I cannot get support things like this in the culture anyways okay so in the end this is good I’m not telling you anything bad it wasn’t a bad movie is a good movie I would tell you it was trash out was actually I was satisfied when I leftand you know you don’t see that movie at this as I was satisfied I got paid my money saw that movie actually bought three tickets are a why why didn’t know what I wanted to go side by three different ticket so I ended up spending 21 see the movie way it’s good I got to go see it that way in Michigan in early dealing I went at 10 AM yet definitely also lucky organized you can be happy sought that because it’s two hours of gray filmmaking okay there might be a few characters that didn’t play detect the characters we know in real life like Snoop Dogg that’s okay your stoveand enjoy the movie hundred percent pay they show every a showing of illness too much they just don’t going total depth of the do you go in the just theater now I didn’t I went to ANSI I know Johnson had here in Atlanta check that out there’s also a Cindy bistro but I went to ANSI the reclining seats not taking part wouldn’t go see JGI now I mean you know I think there needs to be another Tupac I think there needs to be a longer Tupac moving his his life he can’t I still can’t believe he was only 25and did all the things he didn’t like this guy like let’s bring up the staff to say it I how many movies is Tupacand I think he was in seven movies he was an 11 movies 11 movies how many how did the any reported 12345677 now moansand then 7 pounds while he was aliveand then after his death wine 234 5678 910 like her 11 hours after his death I think even more than maybe 12 that’s crazy because think about it most people can’t do that their whole life he didn’t like years that’s crazy as first argument 119 91 Tupac Now that’s crazy man so he he was really like active active like six years that’s it six years man that’s crazy man in a day show everything him even wanting to kinda get off death row that the way he died way that a problem with some crib members right before he died think they can show everything generally leads to much outmanned so as for everyone to play now appreciate you broke appreciationand salute Yogi Banks was good to Tupac was pretty amazing brought me to do all that in such a short amount of time that’s crazy we that’s think about that Mandy that no one is ever to be like pot hate it when people compare themselves to talk like even Wyattand Lucci dropped something today saying something pot did know you near Pac Man you can’t be out for two yearsand compare yourself to talk I’m sorry man I’m sorry if you a betting thugand attend movies if you been an 11 moviesand you haven’t done seven now moans within five years get I hearand also had deftly watch the movie the least two hours two hoursand 20 minutes is pretty long but doesn’t feel that long cuts like you going through that timeline talks deftly the greatest just product the jaded JPEGand said her character was a bunch of lies they put in what the movie guys okay there was they had to establish that jaded taking Tupac had a special relationship that was deeper than just being friends it was a soul sold their souls matched rightand I was the only way they can kinda show that in a short amount of time so they had to show interaction with him in jail that was really deep in the content they had to embellish a little bit go totally crazy with itand show jaded Tupac in effect seen Ernie think that she even said their relationship was deeper than sex they never had sex it was deeper than sex because they it was a mental bondand you know she said you only get one of those friendships your whole life nowand I you know that they did for the movie I don’t think a hand biotics aren’t always exactly on a percent okay but you know annulment JT never was going to leave death row JT yes he was actually Wendy day who was friends with talk he was leaving death row he just couldn’t get off because they worry that he would have to get lawyers everything to he was in the process of doing honestly the last three months he was trying to get his paperwork right to get off the death row but you don’t just tell himand walk away like Dr Dre did it savage life but he had moneyand he started a labeland Dr Dre produced his own shared everything so he didn’t need anybody Tupac had to doand difficult awake is the way he he was on pal from death row it they were buying a house everything he was too tightand it was it would take him a few months to on ravel from death row on my arm to come out soon is joking to Jordan for retro shop tomorrow okay cool I think the movie was asked it was just it was good Okay I’m not I’ll think so afraid of the movie was okay it wasn’t trash it was good I think it was good I thinkand encourage everybody to go see it it wasn’t the best bioticand fiber seen think the strata Compton was fucking go feeling to it is that it was missing that feeling but still get why is your character she played a big role in cycles of yet they missed out a few people but in the mist at the scene where he spent on the infamous stingray spent on the the I reportersand 40 guy I heard about 40 got was pop today are I hope he pulls through nine John Singleton has a real spooky shit going onand I I think it would be good if he he was turning it too deep with it was it better than the movie the movie was more cinematic than this was I can’t say it was better though they were about equal now peace mode staffand how they betray the relationship between pocketand his mother that was dealt those were the two strongest characters meand I’m right just talk about the movieand I will talk about tomorrow to if you guys but I it ways that those were the two strongest characters man they showed how strong the bond was between his mother how his mother was there form after she got cleanand he had some successand got her cleanand everythingand she was more clearheadedand help was there for Pokand warned him about certain things going on in that your target on his back as he was a black leader evaluate it was definitely was it’s definitely were seeing Jason was definitely worsening is get Richard tried die trying a better movie better yes it is because think about it. You know interaction ever had because you couldn’t speak at all thank you everybody else took offense to everyone who came as something they would take a look at say anything back so they would just say everything is going to say my face would just tell also’s argument was that your Film I get out there that think they are right baseball garden I did bring you it is betterand has been so interested is a friend of my body get out there the antibody is in a hospital make their case advantage of them in any way you possibly can move on to our first story here todayand is according to the high reporter scares me that actually deadline high reporter broke a story about a lot of yesterday deadline is not about the new villainand wonder woman to is none other than Sheena played by Kristen Wade apparently paycheckand has had her eye on wake for a while now to play this roleand it looks to be confirmed so that she is going to be going up against wonder woman in the sequel to this massive wonder woman they came out last year the new movie comes on November 1 2000 19th J Washington in any way on the panel knows a little something about Sheena is get a VU what does this mean for wonder woman to you no more you know what for first was one of one woman’s biggest adversaries which is cool use granted they didn’t do in the first movie you burned her out from World War Iand had going forward for two Christian week is interesting casting choice as we been seeing a lot lately with comedic actorsand actresses black I said this on twitter if we can get great Elizabeth Banks is repulsing granted the movie the powerand the heart of the story the cake they did on Rita was nice the way she looked at the different look the vision of a Christian week plan is now will she be as serious or comedic is the question you know now also the story of cheetah is a British archaeologist who goes in Africa they had an opportunity to make this potentially a black British woman there’s a lot of things you do great don’t have to change the cultureand the nationality of the character but you done about bunch of things Christian week is a good choice I believe black will have to see you know when you quit yesterday about the rhetoric also compares it was an interesting one at a very early going on to policy your readerand are in the phase where you will reader processing the I actually like our industry in a limitedand I know the old school reader pulseand everybody was hoping to see in Greenwich have to change things sometimes so using the way they get Elizabeth with this one the Krispy Kreme things a little too much I limit like the look is what I was talking about we can expect her to look as bad as she didand who is a Christian we can look like an incredibly soft terrifyingand look like everything that nightmares are because I know that person that scale afterand I had decided not to go sleep that night like this character sheet in general it is likely because of the complaint getting a lot of Power Rangersand about Elizabeth is reader repulsive she was doing her job if your job was to be in the 90s show Power Rangers seem to fit in with the time when the new movie was trying to do so how’s the character like cheetah who from the fanart for whatever is you are looking to come up with seems a little more outlandish than what we got in wonder woman the first movie I was I get a job with the town because this is the first outlandish character to get that’s a human who transformsand something else with justice league you halfstep more that’s in our worldly creature is in itself with complementingand get everything that’s naturally in Atlanta so we understand that this is gonna be something new to see the DCU you know that to be the interest of our behind again we dealt with psychological sale a question when dating Ghostbustersand other films but this has to be something different will have a comedic element potentially Casio serious will see Harry immediately relocatedand seeing like comedians turn into the deep illness rolesand I rooted for everyone in the marketing point of vampire only those crazy if I were to do a rather like the movie didn’t work as well rises to be in one hour photo resigning like this could work out I think it did think Connex can test it to a darker side of their personality getting Kristen Wade is going to be able to do you I have made during especially the just need your initial impression is lie regarding the morning moreand more I read the other where twins are rolling over she’s going to be a good work can know that she is a good idea if Peterson is really talking on the show where it’s like you feel about one wayand in the next week you feel the same exact way did you get this newsand then have an initial reactionand has that changed all sense you heard about this yesterday plates at the words were not including the reference got into because I first heard the confidenceand Christian way to be able to take her time fender from the community of economic theory generally by tradition works much better than tomato doctors trying to go however my question really affect the talent of what wonder woman he was going to be because if they are bringing Christian right are they planning to make it more the sort of lighthearted comedic type of film compared to the first one where there very negligible humor so much of the few moments of levity but it’s not going the route of life like they do in the NICU movie maxed out when they are trying to may be asking rather than actually having Kristen be super hard core cannot write most of the last few got from wonder woman were were very genuine think the reason for that is because she was allegedly try to find her way in the man’s world so to speak because she went out of her boss Dennis Garethand her interactions the chemistry Chris finds where we got most of the yacht if you will get a movie like Ghostbusters obviously that’s more spoof the then I think you get to see if you wanted so here’s the big question you are left to get over to the panel as a fan person wayand that they can be won over to her performance the one I wanted is under just a little bit of pressure yet again because the first time a woman came outand had to rescue us from this dark gray toneand it succeededand then you have justice leagueand now very divisive movie again so whatever man does with my CAN have a more serious darker tone seems once again is directing it what do we need wonder woman to have in order to make Kristen Wade fit into this balance because as we saw with justice league trying to shift the entire town of DC name from Zach Siders darker version to Joss Wheaton’s line or humorous version the China ship Nike seven Apple man James one says dark black James wants a what you expect I think it’s the balance you’re gonna have a humorist element with one woman like you said in the first you have those humorous moments when you tap into that a little more Diana plays around that we seem that she jokes moreand now she’s more accurate to the world again if this present day is his will to but it doesn’t matter I think I will have a lot more humorand Patty Jenkins also ceased exercising more than anything else so that’s what I would single phase it is Kathy Parsley I can send out the rest of the DCU yelled at everyone with your director changes with your your hiringsand firings of executives with your cash comingand going like the movie I want to make I guess Kristen Wade is a cheetah going to do it I can do I want right now how skinny my confidenceand she sort of envisioned Christian right brain itselfand the one she essentially is writing the role for Christianand the only present quite depressing right was Christianand I think that will be sort of tailored to Christian relaxing make this work a lot more holisticallyand cohesively been made in micro barring a comedic actress integral where really wasn’t for you See Other related 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[scottidols]

14, 15 Ur dumb

What? 1-60? Omg, thank you so much for doing this completely unprovoked!1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.I don’t have iTunes so here’s from my Spotify:Fall Out Boy - Save Rock And RollWATERS - Ones You Had BeforeOf Monsters and Men - Love Love LoveMKTO - Just Imagine ItMarianas Trench - Truth Or DareHamilton - Cabinet Battle #22) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Uuhh Jeff Probst? To get the survivor gig going3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.It dropped the quiver on the altar.4) What do you think about most?Reality TV and Love. 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?Not really, but kind of! A good fried commissioned to have a song written about our group and my name was in it! 6) Do you have any strange phobias?I don’t like eating/drinking after people, and I absolutely fucking hate armadillos.7) What’s your religion?Christianity, Non-denominational8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Internally complaining about being outside9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?AJR10) What was the last lie you told?I don’t remember, but it’s almost definitely something D&D related 11) Do you believe in karma?Eh. Kinda? Not like... “Karma” per se, but something along the lines for sure.12) What does your URL mean?I go by Scott, and “Idols” is just because I love Survivor.13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Laziness; Luck?14) Who is your celebrity crush?Uuhhh god, Tom Holland?15) How do you vent your anger?Writing16) Do you have a collection of anything?Half filled notebooks I guess?17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?I’m working on it! :)18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?Oh, when I’d play that mancala game and the marbles would scratch that one way? Hate that. I love the sound of boys laughing- I know I’m super gay. 19) What’s your biggest “what if”?The only What if’s I have are self deprecating so I tend to ignore them- nothing but eyes on the future.20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Ehhhh... not really. I mean, anything’s possible, so I can’t rule them out, but if I go my entire life without ever seeing any sign of either of those things I won’t be surprised.21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.So despite other answers I’m actually outside right now, so... tree, and air.22) Smell the air. What do you smell?Dogs. 23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?Oh! I got a sad one, so when I was like 3 or whatever my mom was deemed unfit to take care of me since she didn’t own a house and was just taking me from trailer to trailer before she’d get kicked out by a friend for her intense drinking and smoking. Anyways I was taken to a child services place that was really horrific as it was just like 50 children all crying because they miss their families and they didn’t have enough beds for all of us so I slept on the ground. 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?Female singers? Zendaya is absolutely stunning. Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande too. Tbh all women are beautiful wtf is this question. 25) To you, what is the meaning of life?Just, do what makes you happy, and don’t be a dick to those around you.26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Nope!27) What was the last movie you saw?I think it was The Greatest Showman (again). 28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?Nothing major really. One time I sprained my wrist when I was in like, 3rd grade?29) Do you have any obsessions right now?Always obsessed with Survivor and URealms, but I’ve also been rewatching Gravity Falls30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?Idk! Maybe!31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Nope. I always try to find forgiveness. I can’t deal with being angry, it just makes me feel gross.32) What is your astrological sign?Leo!33) What’s the last thing you purchased?A large pizza and some stick-shaped foods!34) Love or lust?Love35) In a relationship?Yes!36) How many relationships have you had?Two37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?Charisma, and being able to love both yourself and those around you.38) Where is your best friend?Florida!39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?Sleeping, the fuck?40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?Probably not dksksksksks41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?JOKES ON YOU! I work at a dog-place where we look after dogs and take care of them, soooooo, win-win!42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?A) I’m fucking telling everyone. Putting this shit up on YouTube. Let’s get it viral. B) Well if the video blows up use my new found fame to spread love and acceptance, if not I guess I’m blowing my money on traveling. C) Hard to say. I want to say no, though.43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Set It Off - Upside Down44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Communication, Mutual Respect, Love.45) How can I win your heart?Be kind and courteous, and then also buy me a bunch of things for quicker results46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?I mean, I’m not gonna SUPPORT insanity.47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?Getting super addicted to gameshows has honestly kinda opened a lot of doors for me and what’s allowed me to get to know a lot of great people.48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?Whatever tbh, Imma be dead either way. 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”Love.50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?Gold...?51) What is your current desktop picture?Just a basic preset one from Microsoft.52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?No, definitely not.53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?I... don’t know? I’m faaaiiiirly open? Ask me anything!54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Unrealistic, would never eat vegetables. But for the super power part, I always thought teleportation would be the best- travel costs? Irrelevant. Never late to anywhere ever again. 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?I don’t... want to say the no cut run. But... the no cut run.56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?No thanks, I’ll keep ‘em.57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?/MUSIC/ Celebrity? God I don’t know, fucking, Brendan Urie? Is he gay? Idk.58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Uuhh California?59) Ever been on a plane?Yes, the first time was just earlier this year!60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Nyle DiMarco is the hottest person to ever live. Tom Holland, John Boyega, Lucky Blue Smith and Zach Miko are all hot too.

[racingtoaredlight]

WAY TOO SOON!™ post all-star games, pre-combine 2019 NFL 1st round mock draft

You can see the existential disappointment on Nick Bosa’s face and he’s not wrong.

Mock drafts are the worst. The earlier they are, the dumber they are.

The way things currently stack up all of the online pundits and such are posting mock drafts featuring a bunch of players they don’t even like and working with the worthless rule that they can’t propose trades. Why bother with that? It’s all such a flight of fancy, anyway. Just go all in.

From where we are right now, Nick Bosa is the obvious #1 pick and nobody really loves any of the QBs. I’d still put money on a QB going #1 overall after somebody makes a terrible seeming trade with Arizona.

1. OAKLAND RAIDERS - Drew Lock, QB, Missouri

My going theory here is that the Raiders are insanely stupid. Drew Lock is not the top QB on a lot of draft boards right now and he’s definitely not the top player. Also the Raiders have the third highest paid QB in the league on their current roster. Might as well swing for the fences on a zero-win season heading into Las Vegas. The presumption here is that Derek Carr gets jettisoned and they trade all three of their first-round picks for Lock.

2. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS - Nick Bosa, EDGE, Ohio State

If Bosa is there at #2 the 49ers have to pull the trigger. I think he’s a little over-valued, especially given the depth at the position but I also thought his brother was going to suck so don’t get the idea I know what I’m talking about.

3. NEW YORK JETS - Jawaan Taylor, OT, Florida

This is counting on Taylor doing extremely well at the Combine. And the Jets continuing a long and storied history of making weird draft picks.

4. NEW YORK GIANTS - Dwayne Haskins, QB, Ohio State

No clue what to expect from Haskins after he gets drafted. His arm is OK, his athleticism is OK, his decision-making is pretty good, his accuracy/placement is good. There just isn’t enough body of work to really project anything for him but I want the Cardinals to keep moving down and the mock drafts with like 8 defensive line/edge guys going in the top 10 look insane to me.

5. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS - Josh Allen, EDGE, Kentucky

IDEAL FIT! Really, this would be pretty great for the Bucs but who knows with Bruce Arians in place.

6. ARIZONA CARDINALS - DK Metcalf, WR, Mississippi

Metcalf’s athletic comps are gonna be ridiculous. Get ready for a bunch of people to compare him to Calvin Johnson. Maybe he’s really that good but the odds aren’t in favor of producing at that level for anybody.

7. DENVER BRONCOS - Daniel Jones, QB, Duke

This makes sense because the Jaguars are incapable of actually moving on from Blake Bortles no matter how obvious it is that they need to and the Broncos love having bad quarterbacks.

8. DETROIT LIONS - Quinnen Williams, DT, Alabama

The RTARLsman finally comes off the board! I don’t know what the Lions need or want. I know Matt Patricia sucks as a person and as a coach.

9. BUFFALO BILLS - Ed Oliver, DT, Houston

Don’t let Ian Zeirlein gaslight you, he absolutely said there are teams that would move Oliver to linebacker. That’s idiotic. Oliver is going to be undersized for an interior DL but he’s got enough strength and quickness to make up for the 15 or so lbs he would need to be optimal. Interior rush is going to win the Rams a Super Bowl tomorrow and Oliver is a killer in the passing game. The Bills roster kind of sucks so they can go a million directions sensibly but in my heart I still think Oliver is the best player in this draft.

10. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS - Greedy Williams, CB, LSU

A really dumb thing that’s almost sure to happen this offseason is the Jags trading away Jalen Ramsey. Williams reminds me more of fellow LSU alum Marcus Peters as a player but that’s not necessarily terrible.

11. CINCINNATI BENGALS - Jonah Williams, OT, Alabama

The Bengals really sucked on the interior of the line in 2018 but it’s pretty early to cut bait on Billy Price and #11. They also suck out loud at QB and LB but need/supply make a tackle seem like a better pick.

12. GREEN BAY PACKERS - Jachai Polite, EDGE, Florida

Clelin Ferrell and Brian Burns are rated higher by most draft media right now but Polite is going to test out of this world and Brian Burns is going to weigh like 208 lbs. Ferrell is probably going to make a more immediate impact than Polite but tremendous upside is always an enticement.

13. MIAMI DOLPHINS - Clelin Ferrell, EDGE, Clemson

Last year at this time the Dolphins pass rush group looked pretty good and now they’re talking about cutting all of those guys. Ferrell isn’t insanely athletic but he’s not a stiff, either. He got better every year at Clemson and getting him at #13 seems like a pretty good deal.

14. ATLANTA FALCONS - Christian Wilkins, DL, Clemson

The dream for the Falcons is to have Ed Oliver fall this far but Christian Wilkins might actually fit their team better, anyway.

15. WASHINGTON - Jeffrey Simmons, DL, Mississippi State

Not the biggest area of need for Washington but a perfect culture fit.

16. CAROLINA PANTHERS - Mack Wilson, LB, Alabama

On the one hand this seems like a good trade target for a team that wants to move up but on the other hand there are only 4 good players in this draft and once the QBs are gone, who’s trading up?

17. CLEVELAND BROWNS - Byron Murphy, CB, Washington

The Browns are shockingly low on glaring needs. Another CB opposite Denzel Ward makes sense to me but Murphy might actually be too similar to last year’s #4 overall pick. I love DeAndre Baker but the buzz is that he’s a lot smaller than listed and also going to run somewhere close to a 4.6. Bryce Hall really fucked up returning to school.

18. MINNESOTA VIKINGS - Cody Ford, OT, Oklahoma

Ford may very well fall victim to poor testing like his former teammate Orlando Brown, Jr., but Brown looked pretty good as a NFL rookie and Ford won’t be that bad at the Combine. There are probably 15 good players in this draft but most of them are boring. Ford is in that camp.

19. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS - Chris Lindstrom, OL, Boston College

The Seahawks are dutybound to make things weird at the draft. Lindstrom seems like the kind of bad OL that the Seahawks love and nobody else is going to take him in the first round so I’m projecting them to move up to take him.

20. PITTSBURGH STEELERS - Brian Burns, EDGE, Florida State

Also deadset on fucking things up for no reason in the draft, this would actually count as a safe pick for the Steelers. It doesn’t address an area of need and Burns is a really weird player because of his weight but he’s athletic and tall and nobody else will have him rated higher than the second round.

21. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - Dalton Risner, OT, Kansas State

Other players I considered: Montez Sweat, Nasir Adderley, Rashan Gary. Risner is possibly the best OL in the draft and might be long gone by #21 but if he’s there he’s the best player at a position of relative need.

22. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS - Joshua Jacobs, RB, Alabama

This is not at all a need pick and it’s probably not at all realistic but I think Jacobs gives the offense so much more dimension than anybody else available can give them. He’s like Marlon Mack but actually good (sorry, GG) and he honestly can add as much to the passing game as any of the WRs. At least for the Colts.

23. TENNESSEE TITANS - Montez Sweat, EDGE, Mississippi State

Sweat is going to be a really boring NFL player. That’s perfect for the league’s most forgettable franchise.

24. BALTIMORE RAVENS - Nasir Adderley, S, Delaware

The Ravens need some youth in the defensive backfield and Adderley could be an off-brand version of Derwin James. Admittedly, at this time last year I thought James was going to suck but in my defense I’d watched how FSU used him and figured that was related to his abilities.

25. ARIZONA CARDINALS - Yodney Cajuste, OT, West Virginia

There is no shortage of needs on the Cardinals roster but they need to have at least a few offensive linemen that could start for a really good high school team.

26. HOUSTON TEXANS - David Edwards, OT, Wisconsin

A lot of NFL teams have bad offensive line situations and there are a bunch of decent OL prospects this year. But not so many that you can wait on them. WR is absolutely loaded this year but there are so many of them that teams can wait for them. The Texans don’t particularly need WRs. I’m not sure why this is where I chose to write about this.

27. ARIZONA CARDINALS - Dexter Lawrence, DL, Clemson

Again, the Cardinals need everything. Lawrence has his detractors and he kind of needs a great Combine but the potential is sky high.

28. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS - Kyler Murray, QB, Oklahoma

The odds of making a bunch of money is better for Murray in the NFL than in MLB but the odds that he’s about as good in the NFL as Johnny Manziel are still pretty high. The only reason to risk a first round pick on him rather than a second or third is that you’ll need at least 5 seasons before you stop worrying that he’ll actually die from being hit. Murray is tiny. He would be the smallest QB in the league in about 50 years. For all his arm talent and poise he was getting about 9 seconds per play at Oklahoma before he faced pressure. He won’t get 3 seconds on an average NFL play. But the Chargers need to start planning for a post-Rivers world and their head coach’s natural proclivities are more towards a run-based scheme. Worth a shot, maybe?

29. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS - Darrell Henderson, RB, Memphis

This is a dream pick for me more than an honest guess. To be honest, they could probably get Henderson towards the end of the second round. I just love the fit of Henderson in Andy Reid’s offense too much to not mention it.

30. GREEN BAY PACKERS - Kelvin Harmon, WR, North Carolina State

I thought of going ahead with a second EDGE defender and giving them Zach Allen and the Packers have shown a willingness to double up on positions in the draft but then I thought about how good this group of WRs is and how weird it would be to go through the whole first round with only one going off the board.

31. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS - Zach Allen, EDGE, Boston College

I don’t know if this makes sense for the Pats or not but Allen is built like Chris Jones and could be a fun weapon for Belichick.

32. LOS ANGELES RAMS - Sheldrick Redwine, S, Miami

Redwine mostly played safety at The U but his athletic profile might have him playing more CB at the next level. The Rams high priced defensive backfield mostly sucks and they could use help all over back there so I’m making the home pick to end the first round and giving them one of the more versatile backs in the draft.

[localkitsune]

I have an abusive father who has abused me through out my whole life. I was minding my business on my laptop in the kitchen. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I knew it was him --- it was 11:20 pm. He turned the corner and asked me what I was doing, and I told him that I was doing homework at the time (even though I was in the middle of a break watching The Office). He asked me about the bracelets I wear on my wrist (a rose quartz prayer bead and a few bracelets his wife brought me from El Salvador), he asked me “Que son eso cosas que cuelgan de tu mano?...Estas alabando demonios? (sorry if my spanish is shit). Which translates to “What’s that hanging off your hands? Are you worshiping demons now?”

I replied to him by saying “YES, cause I, who’s an atheist, is worshiping demons” (I’m a pantheist now but telling him that would actually cause me more trouble, I’ll explain why later). So soon after he proceeds to ask me about my diet which he always makes assumptions that I’ve just given up on it. I tell him that I’m still working on losing weight. He doesn’t ask this to encourage me at all but rather as a means to find the opportunity to belittle me and to mock me if I had given up. I told him that I was just going to ignore him because I knew he came down trying to look for a confrontation, and that I wasn’t about that at all. He just asked me if I really wasn’t going to talk to him or listen to him and I told “yes. that is the case”

He sat down next to me and he began to read his bible. Usually this wouldn’t bother people but it bothered me, not because it was just the bible but rather because I know his games. He was going to read silently next to me till he realized I really didn’t give a shit and then he would begin to read out loud. Which is exactly what he did. I continued to do my best to ignore his ass by just listening to my music more loudly. I texted my friend and told him about what was going on (even sent him a snap of it).

I spent most of my formative years as a Christian (15-20). All of those years I spent faithfully devoted to Christ. There was a lot things that religion taught me to shame myself for. My sexuality was sinful, I had to deny the feeling I had about my gender identity. i had to pretend to be something I wasn’t to please a deity that ultimately I was told loved me for who I was but actually didn’t. Shit, I was even taught that the god of the bible selected his elect to be saved and it led me to have this self righteous and holier than thou attitude (most people in those sects deny they that but trust me those attitudes are alive and kicking) I really believed in a god that hated me. When I ran away from Christianity, I realized I had lost years of my life. I was some judgmental, sexist, homophobic, and self hating prick. Deep inside I knew I was gay as fuck, but I hated myself because of the homophobia that was implanted in me.

I have spent the last three years seek to undo the pain, the anger, the self-loathing, and shame I felt. All that shit follows me day by day. It’s given me a lot of anxieties and has made me feel for years that I didn’t deserve to be loved or to feel proud of myself. It isn’t till the last couple months that I’ve began to show myself love and not just degrade myself for who I am and what I love. I’m proud of being gay af. I’m proud of my gender identity. I’m proud of who I’m becoming. So my dad doing all of this brings back all of those feelings I had, a lot of the bad memories. All the shitty feelings of regret, all the feelings of not being loved, all the feelings of not being good enough. It all begins to resurface and it makes me sick (even as I type this). I just have to put up with his bullshit because no matter where I went I knew he would follow. So after some time he stopped reading the bible and asked me about my room. I told him the truth --- it was dirty. He got up and just walked in there and proceed to tell me that why don’t I care at all, that I just do whatever the hell I want, and that I want no one to tell me what to do. i told him that none of that is true. I told him that his problem isn’t with my room being dirty. That he didn’t really come down to check up on me, he wanted to start something. I told him that had he actually cared about checking up on me --- he would ask me how I have been doing. He hasn’t seen me in a few days but he never asks me that in the first place. So I told him to stop pretending and to just drop the act cause a parent who actually cares doesn’t open up the conversation with their son by asking “are you worshiping demons”. I told him that is the measure of what kind of father he really is. 

He didn’t like that to say the least. So he told me that I should find a place and go to hell. So I asked him if telling your son to go to hell is what a christian should do? He’s childish so he just gets even more angry. If I speak in normal voice but with a little more force --- he takes it as yelling. Which is his excuse to try to get violent. He grabs my laptop and begin to yank at the screen to rip it apart. I pulled his hand off. He pointed at me and said if “I think I have giant balls that I should...” which I cut him off by saying that I don’t have balls (because it goes against his hyper masculine concept of what makes a man) He didn’t have a reply to that. He just kept telling me to go to hell and I said okay. He kept searching in my room to see if I had something in there. I told him “I don’t have porn or a satanic alter in there” because I use sarcasm to show him how fucking dumb I think he looks. I just plugged in my headphones again and just ignored him till he walked up to me and pulled the headphones out of my ear. I had to ball up my fist because I was afraid he was going to hit me. I don’t like violence I never have but I’m not going to let him hit me again. So I just let him yell as I just kept trying to talk sense but because he acts like a child --- he just kept speaking over me. Eventually I told him that I really don’t care anymore which began to tip him. I’ve given up on having a relationship with my father. I told him that my mother who has hurt me in many ways still calls me to ask me how I’m doing. He’s like your mother is just better than I am and I told him that where it counts yes. 

I don’t give a fuck anymore about guarding his feelings as I have even when he’s abusive. He doesn’t show me any care or love. He went on about my friends being better than he is and my answer remained the same. i told him that none of them ask me if I have demons that I’m worshiping but they at least show me the care and love I need. They don’t demonize me for who I am like he’s done all of my life. I told him that I don’t care really and I told him that you think you’re a man because of the fact you work a bunch of hours, or that you can run your wife into credit card debt, or that you can control her life because of your bullshit ass family should be but I made sure he knew that none of that shit made him a man. The concept of being a man is such bullshit because it’s built on hyper-masculine ideas that help no one. I can’t work many hours because of my anxiety and my depression, and I don’t make a lot of money but I am a better person than he is but because he doesn’t give a fuck about any of my illnesses because they’re mental ones --- he told me to stop being lazy and work more hours as he walked upstairs.

I need to get out of this house soon. I can’t live here anymore...not because I don’t care about rules but this abuse is making me physically ill now. I may start making some online comics. I need to do something that will allow me to work on creative things but help me get the fuck out of here. I know this is a lot but thank you for reading this. I usually wouldn’t post something this graphic or triggering but I’m at my wit’s end