#so MINE MUHAHHAHAHAA

[courtneedsleep]

Lu, is this ethical? TO HAVE WRITTEN THE BEST MOST SELF-INSERT I COULD NEVER OH MY GOD. The way I was cackling at the banner, the title. Just you wait, Gojo. I will not be so... demuretsy when I get my hands on you muhahaha.

He’s like a golden retriever. Oh my god, he brought me a squirrel HAHAHA. I will accept it but at the same time, I will also release it back into the wild.

I recognize so many things from our chats. Walking calculator headcanons and music. Courting a Court. Crack manifests crack, what can I say? (😏) Every birthday needs a crack fest, and this was the perfect gift.

I think my favorite part (ITS HARD TO CHOOSE OKAY LIKE NO ONE SAYS OH YEAH MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS ROLLERCOASTER IS YADEE YAH LIKE THE ENTIRE THING WAS EPIC) *ahem* was when Satoru consults Nanami(n). Yes, smartness matters. Down to earthness matters. (Satoru is actually an alien but we make exceptions.) BUT ALSO HAIR MATTERS I DONT THINK IVE EMPHASIZED THIS ENOUGH LMAOOOO. Satoru’s easier to draw dandelion™️ hair is what did it for me.

At the end of the day, a simple ice cream cake and Satoru is enough for me. Simplicity and company. Lu, your company is so meaningful and cherished to me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. For being my dear friend and this birthday fic that made me laugh. Laughing and Lu are the best birthday gifts I could ask for.

Happy Birthday, @courtneedsleep 🫐🫐 This is a Gojo certified fic so I'm hoping its to your liking. You're the best and I hope your day is filled with love!!

an: This is just straight up crack 😮‍💨

Satoru Gojo wasn’t used to struggling. He was the strongest and made sure that rang true with every move he made. But when it came to winning over Courtney, the talented pianist and math wizard, his usual charm wasn’t quite enough.

He first saw her during one of her piano performances in a quiet café, her fingers dancing over the keys with such grace that he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Like watching live art as her concentration on the melody made him swoon.

Gojo being Gojo, he figured his usual grin and confident attitude would do the trick. But Courtney? She didn’t bat an eyelash. She hooked arms with her friend and walked out of the cafe, completely focused on her agenda for the day.

That’s when Gojo realized he had a challenge on his hands. “Guess it’s time to consult the experts,” he said with a grin, determined as ever. ‘Something has to work.”

Step One: Seek Advice

Megumi

Gojo’s first stop was, naturally, Megumi Fushiguro. It was always fun to pester the kid, and Gojo was convinced that Megumi secretly knew more about romance than he let on.

“Megumi!” Gojo called, draping an arm over his protege's shoulder. Megumi didn’t even flinch, used to this kind of behavior by now. “I need some advice.”

Megumi’s brows knitted together in a frown as he looked up from his book. “If this is about how to avoid paperwork, I’m not helping.”

“No, no, it’s much more important than that.” Gojo grinned, stepping in front of Megumi and blocking his path. “I need to know how to impress Courtney.”

Megumi paused, looking mildly confused. “Why would you need to impress her? You’re Gojo Satoru. Isn’t that usually enough?”

“That’s the thing! My charm isn’t enough for someone so cool, so demuretsy,” Gojo said, waving his hands dramatically. “So, I need a plan—a real plan.”

Megumi closed his book with a sigh. “Why don’t you just ask her what she likes?”

Gojo’s face fell flat. “Ask her? Megumi, where’s the fun in that?”

“Maybe ‘fun’ isn’t the point. You’re trying to court her. You’re showing her that you are a gentleman.” Megumi muttered, moving to walk around Gojo. “Right now, it sounds like you’re over-complicating things. Again.”

“I am not over-complicating anything!” Gojo protested, trailing after him. “I’m making things better.”

“Uh-huh,” Megumi said dryly, clearly uninterested in Gojo’s theatrics. “Here’s a tip: don’t be strange.”

Gojo gasped. “I am not strange!” He then blinked as Megumi shot him a look. “Okay, maybe a little, but I’m endearing, right?”

Megumi didn’t respond, opting to bury himself in his book again. “She mentioned the chamber music society having a recital later this week. Maybe take her.” he repeated. “Or; Ask her what she likes.”

Gojo huffed, brushing off the lackluster advice. “Fine. I’ll just ask someone who knows what they’re talking about.”

Megumi didn’t even bother looking up. “Good luck with that.”

Shoko

Next, Gojo headed to the infirmary where Shoko was finishing up her rounds. If anyone could give him good advice on wooing someone smart, it had to be Shoko, right? She had brains, after all.

He burst through the door, all energy and smiles. “Shoko! You’ve gotta help me!”

Shoko looked up from her clipboard, raising an eyebrow. “Gojo, I’m busy. What is it this time?”

“It’s important!” Gojo exclaimed, running behind Shoko as if he were a puppy needing instruction. “I need advice on how to impress Courtney.”

Shoko exhaled slowly, setting her clipboard aside. “You want advice from me? Are you sure about that?”

“Absolutely! You’re smart, she’s smart, it’s a perfect match.” Gojo flashed a toothy grin.

“Uh-huh,” Shoko muttered, walking out to the courtyard as she took a drag from her cigarette. “And why exactly do you think I’d know how to help you court someone?”

“Because you’re a genius!” Gojo leaned forward, eyes sparkling with hope. “Come on, I need something good.”

Shoko studied him for a long moment, amusement tugging at the corners of her mouth. “You could always impress her with math.”

Gojo blinked. “Math? Why math?”

“She’s good at it, right? And you’re essentially a walking TI-84 plus,” Shoko said dryly. “You might win her over with just how smart you can be.”

Gojo looked confused for a moment before brightening. “That’s genius! I’ll show off the mathematician-level math equations and blow her mind.”

Shoko couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.”

As Gojo prepared to charge off on his new mission, Shoko called after him, “Oh, and Gojo?”

He turned back. “Yeah?”

“Don’t mix up your math and your sorcery,” she smirked. “We don’t need you accidentally summoning something or blowing a hole through someone’s chest while trying to impress her.”

Gojo winked. “No promises.”

Nanamin

After his interesting conversation with Shoko, Gojo’s last stop was Nanami Kento. Convincing the ever-serious sorcerer to help with romance advice was going to be a challenge, but Gojo was never one to back down from a challenge.

“Nanamin!” Gojo sang as he appeared beside Nanami during his lunch break.

Nanami sighed, barely glancing at Gojo as he sat his sandwich down. “I told you not to call me that.”

“But Nanamin,” Gojo grinned, leaning against the wall, “I need your help. This is an emergency.”

“If it’s an emergency, it’s probably because of something you did,” Nanami muttered, not looking up from his newspaper.

Gojo waved him off. “No, no, this time it’s serious. I’m trying to impress Courtney.”

Nanami’s eyebrow twitched. “Why are you asking me for advice?”

“Because you’re reliable!” Gojo said, plopping into the chair across from him. “And Courtney likes smart, down-to-earth people. And I know you used to be pretty close, So, I figured you’d know what to do.”

Nanami set his newspaper down, staring at Gojo like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “If she likes smart people, I’m not sure why you’re involved.”

Gojo gasped dramatically. “Rude! I’m smart in my own way.”

Nanami adjusted his glasses and sighed. “Fine. If you want my advice, Courtney appreciates nature. She tends to go on walks for mental clarity and stimulation. Why don’t you take her somewhere peaceful? Somewhere quiet.”

Gojo’s eyes lit up. “A nature date! Perfect! Thanks, Nanamin, I knew I could count on you.”

Nanami raised a hand. “Don’t… call me that.”

But Gojo was already gone, darting out of the room with his newfound “brilliant” idea. Nanami pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting that he had offered any advice at all.

Step Two: Execute Plan… Poorly

After talking to Shoko, Gojo decided that math could be his way in—but not by showing off. No, this time, he’d pretend to be a bit clueless, all to get Courtney’s help. It was a foolproof plan.

Later that afternoon, Gojo found Courtney sitting in a secluded part of the library. A short stack of books on one side as she seemed to be mentally dissecting an equation. Her focus was intense, her brow furrowed as she tapped away at the numbers, slouched with no regard to anything outside of her studies.

“Hey, Courtney!” Gojo greeted, sliding into the chair beside her. “Whatcha doing?”

Courtney looked up, offering him a polite smile. “Just working through my study guide... Why?”

Gojo fidgeted for a moment, trying to appear just a little less confident than usual. “Funny you should mention math. I’ve been having a bit of trouble with…uh…differential equations.”

Courtney raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. “You? Trouble with math? You’re like a calculator on legs.”

Gojo chuckled sheepishly. “Yeah, I know, hard to believe, right? But it’s true! This calculator is showing an error. I could really use some help. Could you explain it to me?”

Her expression softened, and she nodded, already reaching for her calculator. “Of course. What are you stuck on?”

Gojo slid a piece of paper toward her with a complex problem he’d scribbled down earlier—something he could solve in his sleep, but that wasn’t the point. The point was watching Courtney as she worked, seeing her in her element. She took the paper, her fingers tapping away at the calculator with practiced ease.

“So, let y= mx +c be the equation of all the straight lines touching the circle…” she began, her voice taking on that thoughtful, problem-solving tone Gojo found oddly captivating.

As Courtney leaned in to explain the math problem, Gojo found himself momentarily distracted—not by the numbers, but by her. Something was mesmerizing about the way she moved, the focus in her eyes when she was solving a problem. She had this quiet confidence, not the flashy kind like his, but the kind that came from truly knowing who she was.

She was so damn smart. Smarter than him, even—not that he’d ever admit that out loud. It was the way her mind worked, the way she saw the world, always curious, always asking the right questions. And, of course, she had this incredible talent with the piano, her fingers dancing over the keys as effortlessly as she worked through equations.

But it wasn’t just her intelligence or talent that made her amazing. It was her kindness. The way she was always so patient, even when she knew she was miles ahead of everyone else. She never made him feel stupid, even when he was faking it just to spend time with her. Instead, she made him want to be better—not because he had to, but because he wanted to deserve the way she looked at him.

She wasn’t afraid to call him out, either, her sense of humor sharp but never cruel. She could tease him, and roll her eyes at his antics, but there was always this warmth behind it, like she saw through all his nonsense and still liked him anyway.

He had been with plenty of people before—admired, even loved by many—but Courtney was different. There was no pretense with her. She didn’t care about his title or his power; she cared about the person beneath all of that. And that scared him a little, because, for the first time, it felt like someone saw him. Saw all of him.

And damn, he liked that. He liked her.

Gojo leaned in closer, feigning confusion. “Wait, wait. Can you go over that part again? I’m not sure I follow.”

Courtney glanced at him, her expression patient, though her lips quirked slightly in amusement. “Alright, Differentiating wrt x we gets you dy/dx – m = 0. Here, let me show you.” She tapped a few more buttons on the calculator and handed it over to him, the screen flashing the results.

Gojo stared at the numbers for a second, pretending to concentrate, though in reality, he was more interested in how focused and serious Courtney looked when explaining something. He handed the calculator back. “Wow, you’re really good at this. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Courtney smiled, shaking her head. “You’re exaggerating. It’s not that hard once you get the hang of it.”

Gojo tilted his head, his grin softening. “Maybe, but it’s more fun when you explain it.”

Courtney paused, her eyes meeting his. “Are you really having trouble with this, or…?”

Gojo blinked innocently, placing a hand over his heart. “Me? Having trouble with math? Of course not! I just, uh, like spending time with you.”

Courtney stared at him for a moment, then let out a small laugh, realizing what he’d been up to. “So you tricked me into a math lesson just to hang out?”

Gojo leaned back, grinning widely. “Guilty as charged.”

Courtney shook her head, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You’re unbelievable, Satoru.”

“Yeah, but you like me anyway,” Gojo teased, his voice warm and playful.

Courtney smiled, unable to argue with that.

While Courtney doodled, Gojo pulled out a small portable keyboard from behind the bench, much to Courtney’s confusion. He set it up quickly, brushing invisible dust off the keys.

“I figured,” Gojo began confidently, “that we could have a little duet since you love music and need could use a little background noise with your drawing! You know, a Toru-Court jam session.”

Courtney tilted her head, both intrigued and concerned. “You… play piano?”

“Of course!” Gojo said, with all the confidence of someone who definitely didn’t know what he was doing. “I’ve got a natural talent for it.”

Courtney sat back, interested to see where this was going. Gojo hit a few keys with gusto, producing a jarring cacophony of sounds that could only be described as an assault on the ears. He attempted a scale, but it sounded more like he was mashing the keys randomly.

Courtney winced, but the look on Gojo’s face—so proud and unaware of how terrible he sounded—made it hard to be mad. He was trying.

“Satoru…” Courtney said, biting back a smile. “Maybe you should stick to your day job.”

Gojo looked up at her, confused for a moment, before laughing sheepishly. “Yeah, okay, fair enough. Music isn’t for everyone.”

Courtney raised an eyebrow. “Or maybe it’s not for you.”

Gojo pouted but shrugged off the failure. “Alright, alright, I’ll admit defeat… for now, pretty.”

After failing at both math and music, Gojo was determined to make the nature date his big win. Nanami had suggested something peaceful and quiet, and while Gojo wasn’t sure how to do “quiet,” he figured being in nature would impress Courtney. She loved spending a bit of time outside to clear her mind so this should be perfect.

Gojo planned a late afternoon nature walk. He led her to a beautiful nature reserve just outside the city. The trees were ablaze with autumn colors, and the air was crisp, filled with the scent of pine and earth. For the first time this week, Gojo felt like maybe—just maybe—this would go according to plan.

Courtney seemed genuinely relaxed as they strolled through the woods, her eyes scanning the treetops and the sunlight filtering through the leaves. Gojo, for once, managed to keep his mouth shut, enjoying the moment as Courtney spoke softly about the current Sonata she was sight reading for.

But, of course, it didn’t last long.

As they walked, Gojo’s attention was suddenly caught by a bird flitting from branch to branch overhead. His eyes sparkled with excitement.

“Hey, look at that!” he exclaimed, pointing at the bird. “I bet I can catch it.”

Courtney barely had time to process what he said before Gojo was off, leaping into the air as he displayed his athletic abilities, bounding from tree to tree in pursuit of the bird. Leaves fluttered to the ground as Gojo darted through the canopy, his laughter echoing in the otherwise quiet forest.

Courtney stood still, a mixture of confusion and amusement crossing her face. She watched as Gojo, in all his infinite energy, chased after the poor creature like a kid trying to catch fireflies.

Moments later, Gojo reappeared, not with the bird, but holding a very unimpressed-looking squirrel in his hands.

“I got something even better!” Gojo beamed, holding up the squirrel triumphantly as if it were a grand prize.

Courtney’s eyes widened in disbelief before she burst out laughing, covering her mouth with her hand. “Toru, put the squirrel down.”

Gojo blinked, looking at the squirrel, who glared back at him with the kind of judgment only a small, furry animal could manage. “Oh, right.” He set the squirrel gently on the ground, and it scurried off without a second glance.

“Why did you…?” Courtney started, still laughing.

Gojo scratched the back of his head, his grin sheepish. “I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Despite the silliness of it all, Courtney couldn’t help but smile. His efforts, while completely ridiculous, were oddly endearing.

Step Three: Courtship Achieved

As the sun began to set, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink, Gojo and Court found themselves lying in the grass by the peaceful riverside. The water reflected the warm glow of the sunset, and for once, Gojo wasn’t trying to show off or do anything outrageous. He just sat there, quietly watching the river flow by.

Courtney glanced at him, a soft smile on her lips. “You know,” she said after a moment, “you don’t have to try so hard.”

Gojo looked at her, genuinely confused. “Huh?”

Courtney laughed lightly. “I like spending time with you. You don’t need to impress me with math, music, or…” She trailed off, smirking. “Squirrels.”

Gojo’s face lit up in realization. “Really? So, you mean I don’t have to catch a deer or something next time?”

Courtney rolled her eyes playfully. “No, definitely not. Just… being here is enough.”

Gojo stared at her for a long moment, his usually carefree expression softening into something more sincere. “Well, that’s easy. I can do that.” He wiggled to lie his head in her lap, grabbing her hand and placing it in his hair. “If you don’t mind.”

For the first time in the entire day, Gojo felt content just being still. As they sat side by side, watching the sun dip below the horizon, he realized that maybe he didn’t need to be the strongest or the most impressive when it came to Courtney. He saw Courtney and Courtney saw him. The strongest and the smartest enjoying the smallest moments in the biggest moments.

“So for your birthday, I was thinking something small, intimate.”

“Wait, huh?”

“Wanna get ice cream later? I think there’s a new shop on the way back to mine. We could also look at an ice cream cake for your birthday!”

She looked down for a moment, “ Satoru, you’re going too go overboard.”

“No such thing.” Satoru yawned out-loud, stretching up to expose his midriff. “I’m Satoru Gojo and you’re Courtney. Overboard is simply the bare minimum when it comes to you.”

Dividers by @/thecutestgrotto!