#so I'm more surprised it was actually publicly confirmed

[acorviart]

more ceramics in progress, gonna try single color celadon glazes on these and hope the details aren't covered up

[qqueenofhades]

i do genuinely hesitate to ask, as i am sure i will find out more than i meant to in time, but atm my various feeds and an uninformed google are not telling me what most recently exploded about the british government, so if you have the time and the inclination i'm agog for your summary/take

HOO BOY. It has been a Things Exploding In the British Government day to the extent that in the hour-odd between my previous post and this one, I had to go back and check if anything ELSE had exploded while I wasn't looking. Everything that they are currently denying will probably be confirmed within the next 12 hours or less, though, so nobody get too comfortable.

Anyway, we all remember how Liz Truss succeeded Boris Johnson as Prime Minister, met the Queen, the Queen immediately fucking croaked which honestly was the funniest time she could possibly have done it, the country ground to a total halt for ten days, and then when it got going again, Truss and her chancellor (aka finance minister, for those of you happily ignorant of British politics), Kwasi Kwarteng, proposed a Thatcherite wet-dream economic plan of unfunded massive tax cuts for rich people, because something something Stimulate Growth. We are also generally aware that this crashed the pound through the floor, blew up people's mortgages and other mildly important bills, and did nothing to deal with the actual energy bills/cost of living crisis currently engulfing the UK. Oops.

After absolutely everybody, including the commie socialists at the Bank of England, screamed OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU MORONS DOING???, and the day after Kwarteng insisted he would absolutely remain in post and he had 100% confidence in the Plan, he... got sacked for creating this, the Plan that Truss had asked him to deliver and which had won her the Tory party members' election. This made him officially the second-shortest serving chancellor in UK history aside from the guy who literally died in office. Womp womp. That will be a pub quiz answer for you. You're welcome.

Having spent all this time hiding from the press, then giving eight-minute press conferences during which you could literally track the pound crashing in real time, and performing more U-turns than a dancing dashboard hood ornament, Liz Truss took a break from her busy schedule of conducting the Economic Disaster Waltz in the key of B Fucked to appoint Jeremy Hunt as the new chancellor. Jeremy Hunt is mostly notable for being a Tory who can put his pants on without assistance and being a genteel failure at all the previous cabinet posts he's held, which is why he is now regarded as a "safe pair of hands" in a party that has dissolved into a lot of shit-flinging coked-up gibbons who can only scream BREXIT BREXIT BREXIT and IMMIGRATION IS BAD!!! (Side note: they recently had to cancel a festival designed to "celebrate the freedoms of Brexit" due to logistics issues associated with, you guessed it, Brexit. That is not directly relevant to the current clusterfuck, but it is too funny not to include.)

To nobody's surprise, Jeremy Hunt then ripped up the entire economic plan and offered a new one, which was not measurably better than the last one but at least reversed some of the most egregious cuts, and which made everyone ask if Liz Truss had been tied up and duct-taped in the boot of a Range Rover and/or if Hunt had secretly staged a coup with the help of Larry the Downing Street Cat and taken over the government. Probably nobody in the Tory party would mind very much if he had, because they were all busy either planning how to oust Truss or publicly denying that they were indeed planning to oust Truss. One of the popular names for her successor? Boris Johnson! No, I am not making this up. Maybe this has all been a horrible dream and we're going to wake up and find that BoZo is back in charge, after massive public scandal for being a serial liar, which he had been from Day 1, finally made him resign. I repeat, what even the hell is going on here. Nobody knows. Meanwhile, Hunt is warning about even more budget austerity and "eye-watering" cuts to public services that can least afford it, because the last decade didn't result in quite enough preventable deaths for the Tories' tastes, and because they have been forced into this by a car crash completely of their own making.

....anyway. This brings us, more or less, to today. Yesterday, Truss refused to commit to protecting something called the pensions triple lock, which guarantees that old-age pensions (the UK form of social security) will rise in line with inflation, costs, or earnings. A) Inflation in the UK is now at a whopping 10.1%, and B) given as old people are literally the only demographic still willing to vote for the Tories, this miiiiiight seem like an even more unnecessarily stupid and self-sabotaging idea. Sure enough, U-Turn Number Eight Million was duly performed this morning, and Truss insisted she had always intended for the triple lock to be protected. But would Universal Credit and other welfare/benefits programs also be adjusted upward for inflation? HELL NAH! THOSE ARE FOR POOR PEOPLE! GROSS!

This, however, was only the beginning of the unpeeling of the latest idiot banana. Keir Starmer, riding high on the back of recent polls that have given Labour a 36-point lead and predicted that the Tories could be left with as few as 22 seats in Parliament if a general election was called tomorrow (leaving the SNP as the official opposition), appeared at Prime Minister's Questions and got to shoot fish in a barrel. Truss did not dissolve into a pile of goo on the floor and/or have a bucket of water thrown on her and melt into Margaret Thatcher, so that was taken as a win. Well, at least for two hours or so. Then Suella Braverman, the ex-Attorney General who had briefly run for the leadership when BoZo resigned, and who exists along with Priti Patel in order to prove that in the modern Tory party, women of color can heroically be just as much as awful xenophobic monsters as crusty old white dudes, resigned as Home Secretary. Did you even know she was Home Secretary? Neither did she. She took over Patel's job in a bid to apparently make Patel look cute and cuddly by comparison, as she is even more determined to do horrible things to migrants as much as possible. The official reason given for her resignation was that she sent an official document from her personal email account, and this had something to do with immigration and/or the Office of Budget Responsibility forecast that the Tories have, in the valiant spirit of freedom, resisted actually publishing for any of their current economic plans. CONSERVATIVES ARE GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY!! yell people on both sides of the Atlantic. Oh-kay.

Anyway, Braverman used her resignation letter to blast Truss for pretending that everything was fine and dandy, which means the BUT HER EEEEEEMAILS was absolutely just an excuse and even she wanted off this sinking ship as fast as possible. Grant Shapps is now the Home Secretary. It's not important. The point is, if more ministers start resigning, the government will probably implode just as it did when they deserted BoZo en masse. What the hell happens then? Fuck if anyone knows. Since they will, as noted, get absolutely cosmically annihilated if they call a General Election, the Tories will resist doing that with all their might (the next one isn't due until 2024, which is about 1004329 years away at the current rate that time is passing here). Truss was already elected by a tiny minority of the country (about 160,000 Tory party members). STICK RISHI SUNAK IN THERE AND CHANGE THE RULES AGAIN?? HECK, SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN! KEEP THOSE MUSICAL CHAIRS COMING, CHAPS!

(Also: we will recall the Daily Star's Lettuce Cam, where a picture of Liz Truss has been placed next to a head of lettuce to see if she is kicked out of office before it rots away. It now has a special companion, Tofu. This is because Braverman, just yesterday, gave a speech attacking the latest round of climate protesters as being spurred on by Labour, the Lib Dems, and the "Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati," which she doubtless thought was a very clever line at the time. Because British Twitter is British Twitter, the Tofu: 1, Braverman: 0 jokes have been rife.)

And since we are still not done: tonight, Labour forced a vote on a fracking ban which was being treated as a de facto confidence vote in the government. Aka if the Tories voted for it, they would be considered to be defying the government. Because Britain is a cartoon country run by clowns, the method of Parliamentary voting literally involves walking through Door A for Aye and Door B for Nay. The "whips," or the people whose job it is to assure that party members vote according to the government's position, have thus been known to physically stuff recalcitrant MPs through these doors, because Hail Britannia, or something. So we soon had reports that the anti-fracking vote was, dare I say it, a total clusterfrack, and the Tory whips were literally throwing crying Tory MPs through the Nay door so they would Vote To Support The Government. This sounds like a beginning to a Monty Python sketch, but it is just another ordinary evening in British politics in 2022! (Did Truss herself vote? Or BoZo, Patel, or any of the other Tory big beasts? Nope. Evidently she was "too distracted" with all the other crises going on, which probably means she just didn't want to show her face or she might get killed. Hard to blame her.)

So: the fracking ban was defeated, Labour MPs were like "oh my god the sheer clownery," even Tory MPs were spitting mad, we soon had more rumors that both the Tory chief whip and the deputy chief whip had resigned (currently in the Official Denial stage, so yeah, that will be confirmed before tomorrow morning), and I haven't even mentioned the part where one of Liz Truss's press aides admitted that they used to lie about various relatives of hers having just died so Truss didn't have to do interviews (actual quote: "just aunts and cousins, not any major relatives!"). We all wondered if that wasn't actually a lie but the minor members of the Truss family had voluntarily decided to die rather than have anyone know that they were related to her. Either that or she just sent MI6 after them. It's entirely possible.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Dan Wootton

(The video and the substack article have the same information and graphics/visuals.)

Harry has several anonymous accounts on Twitter and other social media (that he reportedly hates) to monitor how he and Meghan are being covered and talked about.

The Sussexes are fully aware of what Sussex Squad does and directly feed into it. Scobie and Bouzy are in direct contact with the Sussexes. Bouzy and Meghan's PR teams are also in direct contact with many of the Sussex Squad accounts/users. Byline Times is one of Harry's partners.

Sussex Squad has been targeting Wootton since he published Megxit. Wootton's sources include people close to Harry and people close to Sussex Squad.

Sussex Squad created KateGate and began certain rumors about William. Wootton was able to identify the account responsible for starting #WhereisKate and alleging her disappearance is because of William's temper.

Bouzy is most likely the individual responsible for Getty's flagging of KP's pictures and Kate's video statement as being edited and inauthentic.

Wootton hints that Sussex Squad somehow found out about Kate's cancer diagnosis and/or their coordinated attacks on KP (probably via the KateGate hysteria) forced Kate to announce her cancer and treatment plan before she was ready and before she had fully come to grips with it.

Sussex Squad has been spooked off Twitter and now use Discord for their collaboration.

Wootton also identifies and discusses 3 Sussex trolls:

Troll 1 is a techy in NYC who is a close Bouzy collaborator. She is one of the main accounts that have harrassed and targeted Wootton and his partner because of Wootton's critical coverage of the Sussexes. She has publicly admitted to it. She is no longer trolling because it's toxic and allegedly has quit Twitter, though not before claiming that Wootton and his people were threatening to hurt her and her dog.

Troll 2 is a business dude in Tampa. He specifically targets Camilla and has claimed that she is Meghan's main bully and has enlisted Jeremy Clarkson and Piers Morgan in her bullying campaign. He also tries to keep connecting Charles to Germany, and specifically to N*zi Germany.

Troll 3 is a British advertising executive. This individual has alleged that Camilla is responsible for Charles's cancer, because she has been poisoning him since the coronation so she can retire "young."

One of Wootton's bigger points is that if the Sussexes want to be taken seriously as advocates for internet reform/social media protections, then they must publicly disassociate from and condemn Sussex Squad's behavior and activities. He doesn't think they will.

*****************

First, I'm pleasantly surprised by this. I was expecting Wootton to be a little more sensational about his discoveries, but it's clear he's really done his homework and has really spent some time investigating this. If you're into this kind of thing, you might actually enjoy getting his updates so why not sign up for it. Use a burner email, though. You can never be too safe.

Second, I'm not really sure about using Wootton's reporting to validate some of the rumors and theories I'm tracking. On the one hand, Wootton has legit sources and a track record that makes him one of the more reliable reporters. But on the other hand, I like double-confirmation for my verification so I can be sure that it's the absolute truth.

What do y'all think?

[famouscyclenerd]

I gotta say, I've been shipping elucien since acomaf.

But after acowar I kinda forgot about the series. I was not following Sjm, was not on tumblr, not really paying attention. 2018 rolled around and nothing! I wasn't sure if we'd get more. Or when.

And then, a few months after Silver Flames came out, I saw a post about it, and it being about Nesta and Cassian.

So as I was reading sf for the first time, I saw a connection between Azriel and Gwyn. It was evident to me as there was a lot more interaction between them than, let's say him and Emerie. Even him and Nesta. Always glancing toward each other, the competitiveness, "you're the new ribbon", Az being amused and encouraging, dagger lessons, etc...

And after I discovered the bonus chapters, it (to me) only confirmed what I had already suspected.

Both elucien and gwynriel were not just pulled out of thin air. They have moments, banter, tension and conversations that makes thousands of people want them to end up together.

-Elucien are actual mates.

-Sjm retconned Lucien's heritage after changing her mind and making them mates instead of him and Nesta.

-She has publicly talked about them (as a couple) twice.

-Both their names means 'light' in some form.

To state that casual (or new) readers would be surprised and upset to read a book about them is the dumbest shit I've heard in a while.

Because not everybody sees the e/riel appeal, believe it or not. Regardless of being a casual reader or in the cult. It is not so obvious to everyone.

And just because gwynriel happens, it doesn't mean that Elain won't get a book smh🤦‍♀️elucien is there for a reason...

Sjm stated that each book will follow one couple getting together.

Just like Nesta got a book with Cassian. where Nesta was the lead.

Elain could get a book with Lucien, where Elain will be the lead.

Azriel could get a book with Gwyn, where he will (likely) be the lead.

Or... Elain and Azriel could get a book, where I guess she will be the lead.

To claim casual/new reader's opinion is weird as hell. "My friend has never read acotar before and she ships Az and Elain." Okay? Great? I'm sure you had nothing to do with it?? I could easily try to influence my friends to ship the people I ship. So they wouldn't get the chance to really make up their own opinions of each potential couple.

Even ten or twenty years down the line... how do you know how people will perceive these books, the characters, when the fandom is as split as it is currently? It's a stupid argument.

Nothing's been confirmed yet (let's hope that changes soon 'cause I'm hanging on by the thinnest of threads rn) so hold your horses!

Anything could happen.

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

even with that result of the proceedings, for some people till will remain a perpetrator. i kind of don't want it be know anymore that i like rammstein, because of being scared of how others will react.. but that's probably sth everyone will have to figure out for themselves, isn't it? i was curious of how you personally would go about it, if people accuse you of idk.. "protecting an offender" or sth similar?

The important thing is that no evidence or actual cases have been raised with regards to criminal facts: No evidence of drinks getting spiked, and no evidence of sex against people's will.

just out of interest i looked up the meaning of the word 'perpetrator', and found

"a person who carries out a harmful, illegal, or immoral act."

"a person who commits a crime"

well, for the illegal and crime no evidence has been found, so objectively speaking that is off the table. But 'immoral' is a different matter, i looked that up too

"not confirming to accepted standards of morality"

And this is, i think, where it gets 'greyscale' and not just black or white /right or wrong, after all, what are 'accepted standards'... apart from that being very different depending on your own background and culture, i also think that changes over time... for example (i picked some random examples, not related to Rammstein)

when i started working in an office, it was completely normal that everyone could smoke at their desk, ashtrays were available in every room, and frequently used. Later that wasn't allowed, but in every hallway there was a smoking cabine. Then the smoking cabines were reduced to one per building. Then one in every 5 buildings. Since this year smoking is completely prohibited where i work, not in buildings, not in your car and not outside, you have to leave the complex entirely and go to the neighbouring town if you want to smoke

when i was young, in my country (Netherlands) it was completelly normal for women to sunbathe with their top off, so 'oben ohne' (as they say in German 😊). Not that everybody did it, but if someone did, no one would look twice. Nowadays it occurs far less, both due to healthrisks (i heard a talk on the radio recently naming this as a reason), but also because because nudity is viewed differently these days. Society as a whole seems to have become a bit more 'prude' than it was years ago.

also in the NL since the early 1980's there used to be a publicly known society (so not just hidden away, all in the open) that strived for 'acceptation of sexual relations between adults and children' (yes, really..). That society has eventually been forbidden in 2012 and has been disbanded.

If you want my personal opinions on these:

as a non-smoker, i'm happy that smoking isn't everywhere anymore, but i do feel it is quite a leap that people aren't allowed ro smoke anywhere anymore on our complex. I would have stayed with the smoking cabines.

i have no problem whatsoever with nudity, ofcourse in places where it's appropriate. When you visit someone you go by the dresscode in that house, the same with public spaces, iow in a religious place you dress the way deemed appropriate by that religion. For healthreasons i can imagine that people tend to dress up in the sun a bit more, but imo nowadays nudity is too easily associated with 'sex', and for me those are two separate things.

I never 'got' that society, and always thought it a step too 'free-thinking' even for the free-thinking country i live in, but it did get me thinkin: where do you draw the line...

Now to the allegations...i think many people, the media, but also fans of Rammstein have reevaluated what they think is 'moral', what their 'standard' is... and i think it's not surprising that over the 30 years that Rammstein existed (and certainly seeing where they are coming from (DDR)) these standards have changed.

In other words, i can fully understand that something that is 'accepted' by some, isn't by others. Or, that was 'accepted' in the past, isn't anymore now.

I think it's very difficult to actually stick a 'right' and a 'wrong' label on it, but that is what people want to do, they want clarity, want to know who to cheer for and who to put down.

Rammstein have always liked to aggrevate people, to annoy, as Paul often likes to say, and they always crossed the limits of some people, but it seems that the lines they crossed in the past have now been redrawn. That while they crossed the lines a little bit, but still had the line in sight (Rammstein quality control imo always had a very good 'gutfeeling' about how far to go), now Rammstein is in the same spot, but that line has been moved further away.

Me personally...i have not moved...yet, i'm still where i was, a tiny bit inside where the line was, some of the Rammstein songs i wouldn't have done myself, but i see what they are doing and it's not that far out of my comfortzone. Some of the things that happen outside of the music are not my thing, but as long as everyone involved is consenting, i feel it shouldn't change because of me.

Now the line has moved...am i now outside the line too? Am i or the way i think immoral? That's what i'm still processing, and i think it's an interesting part of life to deal with. There are people who say things like "it has been fine for all those years, and everything should stay the same, so it still should be fine now". But that's not how it works either, see the examples above..

And after all, life is full of change, life is change, without change, life would cease to be.

But i am still thinking about it 🌺

And maybe it's the same with Rammstein; they are intelligent people, and six very different people with very different personal circles, i could well imagine this has them thinking and reevaluating too.. 🌺 Because i think Rammstein did change things over the years. What makes the sex and blood and stuff work for Rammstein is that they do it amongst themselves. Flake and Till simulating sex on stage (which is too much already for some), imagine if it was a woman gagged with a ball in her mouth (like Flake wore) and Till simulating sex with her...to me that would definitely feel different. Flake whipping Till on stage, or 'Frau Schneider' having the others on the leash, pushing and shoving them if they don't do what she wants...very different if Frau Schneider wasn't actually Christoph... In the past Rammstein did on occasion have woman on stage, also on the 'Bück Dich' small stage, but that didn't last long, and imo that was the right decision. For me the aggravating only works if it's Rammstein themselves. Okay, the DT video has women in it with the actual 'titten' 😊 but one of the ladies gives the horny granddad a slap when he gets frisky, so that's funny in that way. But for me even that video would have been better if the 'Richard' storyline had been more intertwined with the others.

Long post again wasn't it...but what i think i was going for: it's understandable that people reevaluate the standards and how they feel about it. And yes, some will draw the line and not like Rammstein anymore. But that doesn't mean that they are wrong and all the people who think that everything should stay the same are right. And it also doesn't mean vice versa.

Main thing is to always think for yourself, how *you* feel about things. Don't be afraid to reevaluate or to change. But also don't be afraid to love what you love if it feels right for you ❤️

[peppertaemint]

I've always felt that the jikookers vs. taemin feud kinda mirrored the taekookers vs. jimin situation, but at a much smaller scale, of course. I agree with you that they feel threatened by taemin's indisputable stature as an artist, as it disrupts the narrative that bts is always the first and always the best at everything, and also because jimin looks up to him and is influenced by him (as if it wasn't obvious enough before, now we got the confirmation from the man himself, thank you very much). This reminds me of taekookers getting mad at jimin for standing out so much as a performer. I mean, he obviously does, that's why they're always all up in his business instead of focusing on their favs' "records". Also, they hate the fact that they're close because they read taemin as queer, which makes them think that they actually might have kissed, once, at a party (just once). Kookie's friends look straight enough to them, so they can stay. A bit homophobic if you ask me. I'm sure that if we saw taemin around jimin publicly more often, he would've been already promoted to the same The Other Woman™ role jimin occupies for tkks. And besides all that, I could write an essay on why jimin's friendships have always been under scrutiny because many people can't take the fact that he has more going on in his life besides being the members' cheerleader and jungkook's devoted wife, but that's a different topic.

Thank you for this Ask, Anon. You raised a lot of salient points here. The one I'm gonna pick up on is Taemin's perceived queerness, with emphasis on perceived.

There is an odd thing that happens with non-fans. They mostly think he's gay, that it's obvious, and they don't really like their favourite having a connection to him. While, within the fandom community, shawols cannot decide if they think he's gay. If you were to ask around, you'd get quite a few different opinions.

I find it interesting because the "outside" community has very specific and strong opinions of him. I connected with a Korean-American lady in her 50s a while ago and talked about all things Kpop. She wasn't a shawol. One of the first things she said, unprompted, was, oh Taemin, he's gay but can never come out, what a shame/challenge for him (I was chatting from a 2Min account, just for context). I was a little floored at how readily she shared this fully-formed opinion.

It seems the world outside shawols have already made up their minds about him, in one way or another. I think about when he was young and had that beautiful long hair, but his frame was still so slight that the gender confusion for an onlooker was understandable. It must have been hard to have the world decide that you were sitting somewhere on the trans spectrum. And to know everyone thinks they know you're gay.

There is a zero percent chance of him not feeling these things, and he's certainly done both reactionary hetero-leaning performances and queer performances. Pretty Boy is and Internet War are the first that come to mind. And it's worth remembering that sometime in the early 2010s, there was a Korean news report about homosexuality in kpop idols, and he and Jonghyun were named in it (as a couple, I think 💀).

I don't love the song Pretty Boy, but the choreography with its military steps and these lyrics have a lot to say.

Hey you, tough guy / Relax your hardened shoulders / Hey feel the way I move

I’m like a speeding train / You’ll be surprised / Look at that poor girl, I hope you notice / She says “you’re a guy so…” like a habit / Why is being sensitive and prepared the opposite of being a man?

Cause I do it I do it for you / I won’t pretend to be innocent like a puppet / Everyone talks so easily

I may always seem pretty, I may always seem good / I may seem nice, I may seem soft / But that’s all a part of your imagination that’s over my head / (Pretty Boy)

[flyingraijin]

successful.

Pairing: Atsumu Miya x fem!reader

Word Count: 7355

Warnings: Swearing, suggestive jokes, Atsumu is a little shit, Osamu does actually care about his brother, all characters are 18+

Series masterlist + ao3

You spend the rest of the day avoiding Atsumu, Suna and the rest of the boy's volleyball team like the plague. After your incredibly public and therefore incredibly embarrassing confirmation earlier this morning that you were agreeing to Atsumu's proposal- not that's anyone but you and Atsumu know that's was that was - you'd all but sprinted out of the gym with a face that felt like it was steaming and absolute mortification burning in your gut. 

It wasn't any surprise that the rest of the volleyball team had been stunned by what happened. They all knew you well enough through your relationship with Suna, but, while the two of you had been together for over a year, you had never shown much PDA around any of them. Kissing Atsumu right on the mouth was far more scandalous than anything you'd done publicly with Suna before, and you're sure the fact that it was Atsumu didn't help at all. Thank god Atsumu had understood your meaning exactly and played it off very well, calling you "princess" and "baby" in a sickeningly sweet voice and then waving you off with a yell of, "Don't miss me too much!" Honestly, you realise now that you owe him a lot. The kiss you'd given him was completely unwarranted - there were so many other ways you could have communicated to him that you were in on the plan. However, in the moment, you were so full of adrenaline and nerves that you didn't think, and Atsumu had taken the brunt of it all spectacularly. 

With how full of gossip most of the kouhai on the volleyball team are, you have no doubt that this new development will spread through the school like wildfire, and hopefully solidify the fact that you and Atsumu are together. Which satisfies you at first, however, as the day progresses, you start to realise you should probably have discussed with this Atsumu a little more before you did anything so drastic. 

Because people have questions. 

You're able to brush off most of what people ask you in the hallways, avoiding each question by ducking out of the way or using Hinami as a shield. However, you aren't able to avoid the rapid-fire of queries from Hinami herself who, after hearing about your earlier kiss with Atsumu, isn't able to hold off her curiosity any longer. 

"Girl," she says to you as the pair of you sit down at one of the tables outside during your lunch break - the cafeteria had been far too crowded and too full of staring eyes, so you'd forgone your usual seating plan to move outside. "You've gotta tell me what going on! Everyone is talking about you!" 

You let out a low groan and run a hand over your face. "Yeah," you mumble out, trying to buy yourself some time with the facade of being overwhelmed. You'll need to think up a story, and fast, if you're going to make this work. "I'm sorry. It's all just been… a lot." 

Hinami raises an eyebrow. "I can tell. You've been frazzled today." 

"It's a big adjustment," you explain to her. "I never thought people would care as much as they do." 

"So you are actually dating Miya Atsumu." 

You cringe at the accusation but force yourself to nod anyway. Hinami lets out a snort. 

"Wow, you certainly seem enthusiastic," she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. You backtrack immediately. 

"I-it's not like that, I'm just… overwhelmed?"

It comes out as more of a timid question than an explanation, but thankfully Hinami doesn't seem to notice as she launches into a new set of questions. 

"So how long has this been going on? And what about Suna, I thought you weren't over him? Is this like a rebound? Ohmygod, are you using Miya Atsumu as your rebound boyfriend?" 

You wave your hands, trying to slow her down a little. "Woah, okay. First, this hasn't been going on long at all. Only since that party over the weekend! Second, I don't know what's going on with Suna. I don't think I'm entirely over him but he's made it pretty clear there's nothing left to be said between us so I figured it was time to move on. And third, no, I don't think Atsumu is a rebound." You have to make a very deliberate effort to keep your voice stable as you say, "I do actually like him." 

"Girl, you need to explain from the beginning," Hinami tells you before shoving a chunk of rice into her mouth. "Go on, right from the start! I need every detail."

You know you're trapped. And it's in this moment that you really regret not actually talking properly to Atsumu about how the details of this whole situation would work. So you're forced to do the only thing possible in this situation; you lie. 

"Well," you start, slowly, giving yourself time to let the story unfold in your own head. "I knew him through Suna, right. And we didn't really ever talk much in person, because he puts up this whole attitude of being kind of a douche, which you know I'm really not into. But we ended up texting a bit - o-obviously it was all friendly, nothing flirty or anything because I was still dating Suna at the time! But I got to know him a little better through there and I realised that I kinda liked him. Only as a friend, of course! But then, two weeks ago, after Suna broke up with me, Atsumu reached out to check if I was okay. And we started taking more and more. And then at the party, we were dancing and things just sort of happened. A-and we kissed. And then over the rest of the weekend, we texted more and he asked me out on Sunday. We both really wanted to keep it quiet, since things are still tense between me and Suna, but then I got to school yesterday and everyone knew so… yeah." 

Hinami splutters through her rice, looking incredulous. "And you didn't saying anything to me the whole time?!" 

Immediately, you feel guilty. "I wanted to!" You say quickly, reaching out to grab her wrist. "I promise I really wanted to. It was so hard keep it all a secret. But Atsumu…" you drop your head and then lean in a little closer, as the corner of your mouth twitches up. "Well, just between us, he's a huge softy and he want to keep things a secret because he didn't want his reputation around school getting ruined." 

Hinami gives you a look through narrowed eyes and for one heart-stopping moment you think she might've seen right through you. You've never been the best actress, especially when it comes to real things in your own life, and you're suddenly terrified she's going to call you on your bullshit. 

But then her shoulders slump and she lets out a huff of air before crossing her arms over her chest. "Ugh, fine, I'll accept that. But no more secrets from now on, okay!" 

You nod at her. "Of course. I've already told Atsumu that now that everyone else knows, just not fair to keep you in the dark anymore. So no more secrets!" 

Hinami reaches out her pinky towards you, something the pair of you have done since you first met. "Swear on it?"

You hook your pinky through hers. "I swear on it," you reply to her, squeezing her finger. "No more secrets." 

In that moment, try as you knight, you can't meet her eyes. The guilty is too heavy on your heart. 

When lunch break ends and you head back inside with Hinami, you make a concise decision that you need need talk to Atsumu. Properly. In depth. With Hinami asking for all the details of you'd relationship, you've come to see that there are a lot of creases in your story that need ironing out. And you need to agree with Atsumu on these because, in order for things to be believable, your stories have to match up. 

Duh. 

At first, you consider trying to find him in person. But then you realise that you have absolutely no idea where to even start looking, since you don't even know which class he's in. And there's absolutely no way you're walking into his volleyball practice this afternoon, not after the fiasco that was the early morning practice. Plus, you doubt the team will be happy if you pull him away and disrupt their progress… again. 

It's after going over all this, that you come to the conclusion that you need to text him. Only, as you only realise once you're home at the end of the day and are searching through your contacts on your phone, you do not have his number. 

Which is real fucking shame, because you have the number of literally every other member of the volleyball team, even the upperclassmen who'd graduated at the end of last year like Kita-san and Ojiro-san. 

As you sit cross legged on your bed, glowering down at your phone, you consider for a moment texting one of the other team members - most likely Osamu- to ask for Atsumu's number. 

But then you slap you own hand against your forehead pretty violently as you remember that they all think you're dating Atsumu. And it'd be hella suspicious if you didn't have his number by now. 

Idiot , you tell yourself angrily as you collapse backwards onto your bed. Fucking idiot . 

You're well and truly stumped now. Because the only obvious answer for you now is to wait until tomorrow so you can find Atsumu at school and speak to him then. 

Realistically, it's not like you'll be able to see him any sooner than tomorrow anyway. But for some reason, the idea of having to set the entire thing up while at school makes you incredibly anxious. There's so much that could go wrong, not the mention the fact that this conversation you need to have, it's a pretty serious one. That will undoubtedly take up a lot of time that you don't think either of you will have at school. 

Frustratedly, you drop your phone beside you on your bed covers and then raise your hands up to rub furiously at your eyes. You feel like you've aged several years in the past few days; you wouldn't be surprised if you found a grey hair sprouting one of these days. It's been such a stress, even when you didn't fully realise all the implications, and you're not entirely sure how you'll sort this entire mess out. For the moment, it feels more like you've just dropped a match onto a pile of sticks in the middle of a dry grass field, and are just hoping that nothing else catches alight. 

Which really isn't a good feeling. Not at all. 

You're just about ready to give up and start on your school work when all of a sudden your phone vibrates violently beside you. It startles you and you jump up in response, heart pounding as for a moment your eyes dart around your room in panic. Then you mentally slap yourself and reach over to pick up the phone again, glowering at it as the screen lights up. 

You've got a new notification for a text message. And it's not from a number you have listed in your contacts. 

Frowning, you unlock your phone and open the new chat. Your eyes narrow as you scan over the message, and then a weird bubble of what feels like it could be a laugh or a groan rolls up your throat. There's no name to attach to the message but the tone is obvious. 

Unknown number: 

Hey princess ;) 

A huff of air leaves your nose as you snort to yourself, shaking your head at you phone screen. Your fingers are practically a blur when you go to type back. 

You:

How did you get my number??? 

The response is instant, like Atsumu is sitting on the other side of the conversation waiting for your message. 

Unknown number: 

Had it 4 a while. The head of ur photography club gave it 2 us the first time u photographed one of our matches 

You: 

Why tf would she do that? 

Unknown number: 

Idk 

You roll your eyes, a make a mental note to be nice to Matsui during your next club meeting. Inadvertently, she's just saved you a lot of trouble, even if you don't happen to like it very much.

When you look back down at you phone, you see Atsumu has sent another message 

Unknown number: 

Sad I didn't reach out 2 u b4? ;) 

You: 

Lol, you wish 

Unknown number: 

Ur so mean, princess. 

Dw, I only kept quiet cuz of rinrin. I wasn't ignoring u <;3 

You: 

Fuck off 

Unknown Number: 

Ooh spicy ;p

You can't help but let out a snort of laughter. You'll give Atsumu one thing, he's relentless in everything he does. And while it's annoying as all hell, it can be entertaining as well. 

Unknown number: 

So wut u up 2? 

You: 

Better things than talking to u 

Unknown number: 

D: 

Ur so mean to me 

You: 

Ofc x 

Actually, I need to talk to you 

Unknown number: 

Aren't we doing that right now? 

You: 

In person, idiot 

We need to discuss this whole thing 

Set up some boundaries 

Unknown number: 

U gonna draft me a whole legal contract? 

You: 

No 

Your jaw clenches a little in frustration and roll your eyes.

You: 

We just need to come up with a proper story 

Hinami asked me a whole lot of questions today and I had to think up answers on the spot. It was stressful. 

Unknown number: 

Hinami? 

You roll your eyes again, even harder this time. 

You: 

She's my best friend

See, you need to know this kind of stuff 

Otherwise no one is gonna buy it 

Unknown number:

Alright, I get it 

U wanna meet up tmrw? 

You: 

Yea 

When are you free? 

Unknown number 

Uhhhh 

I don't have morning practice so I could walk u 2 school? 

Your eyes widen at his question and your jaw drops a little. That's… well, in the grand scheme of things, it's really not a big of a deal. But for some reason, the idea of Atsumu walking you to school seems very… intimate. 

You: 

Wouldn't you have to go outta your way? 

I don't want to make you walk halfway across town just cuz 

You half expect him to agree with you and suggest something else. From what you know, your house isn't that close to the Miya house - not that you even know the exact location of where they live. And Atsumu never goes out of his way for anyone, especially not some random girl he barely knows. 

However, as he seems to have made his personal mission over these last few days, his reply surprises you. 

Unknown number: 

Nah, it's all good. 

Walking a little further than usual will compensate for not doing morning practice 

That… makes sense. But you can help but feel like it's just an excuse. 

Still, you choose not to say anything and instead begin typing back.

You: 

Okay, if ur sure 

I'll text you my address and you can meet me here at 7:30? 

Unknown number: 

Sounds good 

See u then, princess ;)

You don't grace him with a reply back, too exasperated with his overly audacious attitude even in a text conversation. For a moment, you just stare down at your phone, taking in the conversation. Then your finger slips to the power button and you almost shut the thing off, finally ready to get started on your homework. 

However something stops you, and after another moment of hesitation, you copy Atsumu's number and put it into a new contact. 

At first you name it 'Miya'. But then you realise that Osamu's name in your contacts is exactly that too and so you backspace and type in 'Atsumu' instead. 

For a moment, you stare at it, taking in the shape of each character. And then, as if as in an after though, you add a heart emoji beside it. 

With that you save the contact and the switch you phone off, and then throw it to the otherwise of the bed. It's just for effect, you tell yourself and you climb to your feet and cross the room to your desk. Only for effect. 

It feels oddly like you're trying to convince yourself as you flip open your biology textbook and get started on the digestive system. 

Much to your surprise, Atsumu is waiting right outside your house when you open the front door the next morning. You’d half expected him to be late, despite specifying a time for him to get here, but no. In fact, he’s here early. 

He greets you with his usual confident grin as you step out of your front gate and into the road. “G’mornin'.” 

You barely give him a head nod in reply, too tired for your usual attitude. You’d been up again for most of last night worrying, nervous about seeing Atsumu and what you’d need to say to him. And, since after discussing the details of your… arrangement today, you felt like once you got to school later on, your relationship with Atsumu would start in earnest. 

“Hello,” you tell him bluntly as you fall into step beside hm and the pair of you begin to make your way up the road. Atsumu lets out a hefty snort at the rough grumble of your voice. 

“Well, ain't ya just full of sunshine this mornin'.” 

You give him a glare out of the corner of your eye and then have to smother a yawn with your hand. “I’m just tired. My mom has banned coffee in our house so I think O’m going into withdrawal.”

Atsumu chuckles at the scowl on your face and reaches one arm over so he can ruffle up your hair. “Aww, that’s cute.”

You smack his hand away immediately. “My pain in cute to you?”

“Kinda,” he responds without missing a beat, just shrugging one shoulder nonchalantly. The corner of his mouth twitches. “Yer eyes are all droopy and yer moving like a sloth… adorable!” 

You smack at him again, this time hitting his shoulder, and he jumps away from you, immediately going to rub at it. “Okay okay, I’ll stop. Just no more violence.”

You roll your eyes and let out a huff through your nose. Then you gaze flicks back to him, and then around him. One of your eyebrows quirks upwards curiously. 

“Where’s your other half? You two walk to school together, right?”

Atsumu nods mildly. “Usually, yeah. But I scared him off today. Told him I wanted some alone time with my girlfriend .” He throws one arm over your shoulder when he says it, pulling you into him. And then letting out a bark of laughter at the look of disgust you shoot in his direction. 

“Yeah, we need to talk about that,” you say to him, grabbing at his forearm to force it over your head once again and so free yourself from his grip. “We need to set some things straight.” 

“‘M all ears,” Atsumu replies, and for emphasis he cups his hands behind his ears. You roll your eyes again and shake your head at him.

“First,” you tell him seriously, “we need to have a story. I had to make up a whole lot of shit on the spot yesterday when my best friend started asking for details, and I’m really bad at that so we need to understand exactly where we stand and how we got together.” 

Atsumu nods, understanding. “So what did ya tell her?”

When you recount the tale you'd given to Hinami, you make sure to watch Atsumu's face for any signs of conflict or otherwise displeasure. It’d be a disaster if something you’d said to Hinami were to be contradicted by something else Atsumu had going on at the time, since you don’t know how you’d be able to go back on any of the details. Thankfully, Atsumu doesn’t seem to have any objections. 

“That sounds okay,” he says when you’ve finished, looking down at the ground as he seem to go over the details in his head. “So it’s not like ya cheated on Sunarin or anythin'?”

You give him an incredulous look. “Of course not! Remember, this is about showing him what he’s missing, not making him hate me any more than he already does.” 

“I doubt he hates you,” Atsumu points out. You can’t find it in yourself to agree with him just yet, in the case of mistakenly getting your own hopes up. Instead, you quickly move on. 

“Also,” you say,” there need to be some boundaries in terms of… physical affection.” 

Atsumu looks up at you, and theres a sparkle in his eyes that has you backing up instantly. Accusingly, you point a finger at him. “I am not ,” you say very firmly, “going to so anything remotely sexual with you.” 

Atsumu opens his mouth, possibly to protest, but you shut him up immediately with a very sharp glare and continue talking, giving him no room to butt in. “Kissing is okay,” you clarify. “But only if it's for the sake of making things believable. We will not be making out in every possible corner we can find, understood?”

One of Atsumu’s eyebrows quirks at the way you seem to talk to him as if he’s a toddler. However, eventually, he just gives you a nod in understanding. “Alright.” Then he cocks his head to the side a little and gives you a knowing look. “Although, ya should remember that with both times we’ve kissed you were the one who initiated it.” 

Your cheeks flare with heat as you realise he’s completely correct. It wouldn’t even be stretch to say you’d forced him into both kisses the pair of you had shared, which, granted, does make you feel guilty every time you think of them. However, since Atsumu hasn't shown any objection to it, you push it out of your mind again. 

“Both of those were justified,” you say to him as calmly as you can, trying to end this particular thread of conversation and move on to a different topic. Atsumu, however, doesn’t seem to want to drop it just yet. 

“Yeah, but I didn’t agree to them,” he says, wiggling his eyes. “Not that I didn’t enjoy ‘em. Buuuuuut….” he then fixes you with a very devious expression that gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. “I think for compensation, you should allow me two free kisses of my own.”

Immediately you open your mouth to protest, but Atsumu manages to cut you off by raising his hands defensively. “I’m not gonna be a perv about it!” he assures you, quelling your worries immediately. “Honesty.  Just… two free kisses. To make up for the two ya landed on me.” 

You allow your mouth to close as you give him a very long, suspicious look. He seems sincere enough. And if you think about it, if the kiss he wants are equal to those you’d given him so far, it’s highly doubtful he’d find a way to abuse them in order to get anything overtly sexual out of you. And it’s not like he’s asking for two free goes at whatever he wants, they are just kisses after all. 

So, you eventually sigh and nod in agreement. “Alright. But only two, and once they’re gone, they're gone, alright?”

“Alright,” Atsumu agrees. He shoots you a cheeky smile. “Any other rules you wanna establish?” 

“We need to be seen together,” you tell him. “If the point of this is to ward off your fan girls, and get Rin to regret breaking up with me, we need to make it public. So we should probably eat lunch together sometimes. And arrive at school at the same time, so it looks like we walked together.” 

“You could come to all my volleyball matches,” Atsumu cuts in to suggest. You shake your head. 

“I already go to all the official games for photography club duties though, so it wouldn’t do much.”

“No, I mean all my matches,” Atsumu says. “That means official and practice matches. A lot of the fans of the volleyball team come to the practice matches because they don’t have to buy tickets to watch, so you definitely have to be there.” He gives you a wink. “Supportive girlfriend duties, obviously.” 

You glower at hm. “Rin never made me come to the practice matches.”

“Well, I ain’t Rin,” Atsumu shoots back. Then he pouts. “C’mon, the point is showin' Suna how much happier ya are now, right? Don’t ya think it’d look really bad for him if ya started comin' to the practice matches now that you’re datin' me?” 

He’s right, frustratingly. Suna had never asked you to come to his practice matches or practices in general. He’d said it was because it’d be a waste pf time for you to come, since Inarizaki won almost everything anyway, however you’d always had an extra sneaking suspicion it was because he didn’t like the extra attention. You also had never made an added effort to, since you figured he didn’t want you there. But if you started coming to watch to see Atsumu… well, that’d probably get to Suna. 

An idea sparks in your mind and you turn to look Atsumu. “Okay. Could I come to your practices too?” 

He looks a little surprised by your sudden eagerness but shrugs nonchalantly anyway. “Course, s’long as ya don’t disrupt things. Coach probably wouldn't be too happy with that.” 

“Of course I wouldn’t,” you tell him. “I’d just… sit in the stands and study or something. It’d be just for me to be there, you know?”

Atsumu flashes you a smile. “Yeah, I get it.” Then he leans in, eyes sparkling. “Ya know what, I think I’d like it id you came to watch our practices. 'Means I’d have an extra excuse to show off.” 

You shove his face away, scowling. “You’re such a jackass.” He only cackles with laughter in response. 

There’s a moment of silence then, as you think over everything that’s just been agreed. It seems like most of your bases are covered, although it has all been mostly you setting the boundaries. Feeling a little guilty, you shoot Atsumu a sideways glance. 

“Is there anything you wanna say?”

“Hm?” he asks, looking up from where he seemed to have been staring at his shoes. You roll your eyes. 

“I mean in terms of the agreement,” you tell him in exasperation. “Any boundaries or rules you want to set?”

“Oh.” Atsumu’s face scrunches up for a second, as he seems to think very hard about your question. Then his expression lights up again. “ Oh! You need to be my date to all the celebration parties that the volleyball team throws.”

You face immediately falls. After the last party you went you, you’d kind of sworn off going to big social gatherings for a while, figuring if you didn't put yourself in the position to have your whole life screwed up again, things wouldn’t go as wrong. Atsumu seems to notice your hesitance, though, and jumps in immediately. 

“It would look really suspicious if you didn’t come,” he points out. “Plus, the volleyball parties are usually a lot smaller; players and dates only. And Suna will definitely be at most of them.”

You purse your lips, thinking for a second. Then you let out a soft sigh. “Fine. But you had better stay with me the whole time then. No abandoning me to go hook up with random girls in the bathroom!”

Atsumu puts a hand on his chest, looking incredibly offended. “What kinda dickwad to ya think I am?” he asks, incredulous. “I’d never treat my girl that way!”

You roll your eyes, though it's with slightly more endearment this time. And you don't duck away when he reaches for you to ruffle up your hair again. 

“I promise,” he tells you, sliding his arm over your shoulder. “I won’t abandon ya. You can even handcuff me to yer wrist it ya wanna.”

Your nose crunches a little as you make a face at him, and then you shove him away again. “Okay, let's not go that far, weirdo.” But your voice is warm and when you glance up at him out of the corner of your eyes, you can see that he’s smiling too. 

By now, the pair of you are approaching the Inarizaki High School campus. Already in the distance you can see other students walking towards the large gates, and after taking one last deep breath to prepare yourself, you shift a little close to Atsumu. 

“Wanna hold my hand?”

Atsumu positively beams down at you, seeming to take far too much glee from the innocent suggestion. However, you can’t help but smile a little at the eagerness with which he reaches out to grab your hand. His palm is incredibly warm as it presses against yours and you can feel the calluses that cover his skin from countless hours of volleyball prcatice when he laces with fingers with your own. You don't mind though, you don’t even flinch at all, far too distracted by the way your hands seem to fit together like puzzle pieces. Whenever you’d held Suna’s hand, it’d always been in when you were alone, in deserted place where no one could see the pair of you being affectionate. And it had always been a little awkward, like neither of you really understood how your fingers were supposed to fit together. 

This feels nothing like that. You chalk it up to the fact that Atsumu probably has more experience than Suna with girls and affection in general. But his hand… it feels really nice against yours. And you can’t help but tighten your grip and squeeze just a little as the pair of you step through the school gates, suddenly filled with a rush of anticipation and excitement.

For the first time since this whole thing started, you get the feeling that things might not actually be so bad. 

Atsumu walks you right to the door of your classroom that morning. Once you get on campus, the pair if you make an effort to talk about casual things and, to your great surprise and by total coincidence, you find the the pair of you have a very similar music taste. Not that it has much relevance at all to your day to day life, and the information you end up exchanging back and forth about your favourite bands is completely useless. But it's nice to find some common ground with Atsumu, even if it is something as random as a few songs, and helps you get the feeling that despite the fact that this relationship is fake, the pair of you may still be able to get along as friends. 

You're actually giggling by the time you arrive arrive your classroom, with Atsumu sporting a bright smile of his own. The few people around - it's still early so the hallways aren't completely packed yet, thank goodness- do send the pair of you a couple of questioning looks, obviously curious at seeing you together. And for the most part, you try to ignore them. When you come to the floor of your classroom, you finally go to pull away from Atsumu, dropping his hand for the first time since you'd grabbed it outside of school. 

You turn to him, suddenly feeling a little shy as you notice just how many people are watching the pair of you by now. 

"Well," you start awkwardly, scratching at the back of your head. "I'll see you around, yeah?" 

Atsumu winks cheekily at you, reaching out to brush a strand of your hair back from your face. You try to act causal as he tucks it gently behind your ear. 

"Of course," he tells you, making an obvious show of his affection - you can't help but think he's eating up all the attention, fucking bastard. "See you around, princess." 

And then before you even know what going on, he leans forward and presses a very sweet kiss to your cheek. 

It's doesn't even last a full second and yet you feel completely winded when he pulls back. And he seems to know this because as he steps away and then begins to turn, you don't miss the smirk that's spreading across his face. 

Your cheeks burn. Fucking bastard . 

Then you turn and dive inside your classroom and away from what feels like the millions of shocked eyes that are staring at you in wake of what just happened. 

Everyone is talking about you for the rest of the day. It’s even worse than it was on Monday or Tuesday because now it’s like everyone knows  exactly who you are and what you’ve been doing with your life for the past couple of years. You hear whispers about Atsumu as you walk the school halls with Hinami. You hear whispers about Suna, about the rest of the volleyball team, about Osamu, even about your former upperclassman on the team who’d graduated already. All now linked to you. More rumours are spreading, ones that really don’t have any credibility, and there are a number of times you're tempted to spin round and point out someone in the hallways who you pick up on telling an outright lie. Hinami stops you though, keeping a tight grip on your arm and guiding you away from any compromising situations. She seems to have recovered from the saltiness of you not having told her about your thing with Atsumu and is now parading around with her arm linked through yours as if you’re some kind of celebrity. 

“Ignore them," is what she tells you when you look round to see yet another group of Atsumu’s fangirls standing huddled in one corner, whispering behind their hands. “They’re all just jealous of you.”

You sigh and rub hard at your temples, a headache long having formed in the back of your skull. “It's even worse than before. I never thought…” you trail, trying to figure exactly what you’d assumed. Atsumu is popular, yes, but you didn’t think him getting a girlfriend would be treated like the next big scandal of the century. 

Hinami shakes her head and reaches across your face to tuck your hair behind your ears. “You’ll be fine,” she assures you, smiling brightly. “C’mon girl, own it. You’ve got the man they aaaaaall want. Be proud!”

Not really,  you think sulkily to yourself, ducking out the way of a younger group of girls who are also staring at you. Is this even worth it? At all? 

You're cut off from your sulking very quickly, however, when you and Hinami round a corner and walk right into one of the Miya twins- thankfully, not the one you're now supposedly dating. 

Osamu lets out a little noise of surprise when you just about slam into him and jumps backwards. You freeze up when you see him, you steps faltering, and for a long moment the pair of you just look at each other. Then one of Osamu's eyebrows quirks.

"Hello." 

"H-hi," you reply, your voice breaking in a very embarrasing way when you do. You weakly clear your throat, dropping his gaze as your cheeks burn. 

Osamu’s eyes drop for a second as he looks you up and down sceptically. Then he jerks his head a little towards the side of the hallway. “Could I… talk to ya?”

Your eyes widen. “Yeah sure!” you exclaim immediately, before flushing even more. God, why are you so awkward?!?!?!

Hinami looks between you and Osamu for a moment before nudging you a little with one elbow. “Go on, I’ll catch up with ya later, alright?” She gives you what you think is supposed to be an encouraging smile, however with the way her eyes are sparkling, she looks far too devious to give you any kind of hope. Immediately, you know she's going to be grilling you about this conversation afterwards. 

Once she scurries off, you follow Osamu as he steps up to the wall, to get out of the way of the rest of the people in the hallway. For a moment, he just stares down at you, eyes narrowed and arms crossed over his chest. You struggle to meet his eyes in return, squirming uncomfortably as your mind spins with what he might want. 

Is he going to call your bluff? He knows Atsumu better than everyone, he might have been able to see through the both of you. Or maybe Atsumu told him about the whole thing and he’s going to chew you out for basically forcing Atsumu into being your fake rebound after his other best friend dumped you. Not that you really forced Atsumu, since it was his idea, but since you did kiss him first, it’d probably look that way to an outsider and-

“So, is it a head injury?”

Osamu’s voice cuts off your internal rambling and you jump in surprise as you look back up at him. “E-excuse me?”

“Do ya have a head injury?” Osamu repeats, looking at you suspiciously. “Like, some kinda brain damage or somethin’?” 

“Uh, no?” you reply, blinking at him in confusion. Osamu’s eyebrows furrow even further. 

“Then did he pay ya?” 

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stutter out, still staring. What the hell is he getting at ?

Osamu lets out a sharp huff of air and leans back a little to survey your whole body again. “‘m just tryna figure out why the hell yer datin’ ‘Tsumu,” he says then. “If ya don’t have brain damage, and he didn’t pay ya, then what reason do ya have to date him?”

You mouth drops open in shock. Oh. 

“M-maybe,” you stammer out, thrown for a loop at Osamu’s interrogation. “Maybe I just like him?”

Osamu does not look convinced. 

“What’s there to like?” he asks, sounding a little indignant. “He’s stubborn, immature, a huge liar and he can barely do anythin' other than volleyball!”

You blink a few times, completely stunned. 

 “Plus,” Osamu continues, “his hair is stupid. If ya wanted the looks, I’m obviously the better option!” He pouts. “So why him?”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was jealous. It helps to ease your shock a little and you manage a smile as you look up at him. “Aw, Osamu, are you sad I didn’t pick you?” 

Osamu scowls at you. “What, no!” he looks away. “Yer not my type.” 

“And you’re not mine,” you reply, letting out a soft laugh. Osamu shakes his head in response. 

“Exactly,” he points out. “So why Atsumu?” Then his eyes narrow a little. “Yer not using him, are ya?”

Immediately your hands go up in defence. “What no! Of course not” Well, that’s actually a lie, but it’s not like Atsumu is using you any less . “Why do you care so much?” 

Osamu’s shoulders drop and you feel your heart sink a little as a real, serious look crosses his face. Shit, you think. Is he about to call me out? 

But he doesn't. Quite the opposite, actually. 

“It’s just,” he starts slowly. “You and Sunarin… when ya were together, you two made so much sense. Yer both… well, you and him are the same. But ‘Tsumu… he’s not like Suna. They’re sorta opposites of each other, and I just don’t see why…” he trails off, looking at the floor for a moment. When his gaze returns to you, it’s probing, serious, and you feel a chill rush up your spine. “Look, he really seems to like you , okay? And I din’t want ya to hurt him.”

You stare up at Osamu, once again completely shocked. That was probably the last thing you’d ever expected to hear from him. Not just the part about Atsumu actully liking you (wow, he must really be laying it on thick for Osamu to actually believe that crap) but the observation about Suna too. Because, well… he’s exactly right. Atsumu is probably the furthest thing from Suna that you can get, and maybe that’s why you’d agreed to this whole fake relationship thing in the first place - because he’s the one who would hurt Suna the most. But you’d never even thought about what it might look like to an outsider. 

You can see the real concern in Osamu’s eyes now. And you realise with a jolt that’s he’s genuinely worried for Atsumu. It’s sends a flash of warmth through your chest, a rush of affection, because it’s sweet. Especially considering the pair of them tend to pretend they hate each other so much. 

After carefully arranging your face, you give him your softest smile. “Hey, I get it,” you start out, trying to conjure up as much raw emotion inside you as possible in the hopes of perfecting your lie. “I was surprised too because… well, the thing with Rin was really difficult. But Atsumu was there for me and it just… it just fit, ya know?” You shrug one shoulder, and for a brief moment, as you think about Atsumu, you feel a stab of genuine affection. So it’s not a total lie when you say, “He and I get on well. And I promise, I never want to hurt him, okay?” Without thinking, you reach forward to touch his shoulder, bring his gaze back to yours. “You can trust me on this one.” 

Osamu gives you a long look and you have to force yourself not to drop his eyes. You hope you’ve been convincing, since apart from Suna, Osamu is probably the person most imperative in making sure this whole thing works. If he believes it, then you can trust that everyone does as well. And for long moment, you're terrified that he doesn't. 

But then he lets out a soft sigh and takes a slow step back. “Alright,” he says. “I’ll trust ya.” 

You smile and its full of relief. “Thank you.” 

“Are ya…” Osamu starts then, scratching at the back of his neck a little awkwardly. You can tell he doesn’t quite know where to go from here, as the tension between the pair of you dissolves. “Are ya gonna come to our practice later?”

You weren’t planning too. Not today, at least. You know you’d discussed it with Atsumu but showing up so soon after establishing those rules felt a little… well, for a lack of a better word, desperate . But now, with Osamu’s eyes on you, you find yourself nodding slowly. 

“Uh, yeah. N-not that”- you start, suddenly panicking -”not that I’m gonna disturb or anything!”

Osamu chuckles at you sudden worry. “I wasn’t thinkin' that,” he assures you, flashing you that classic Miya smile. “I was just wonderin’”

“Oh,” you say, embarrassed. “Okay.” 

“‘Tsumu will probably be extra hyped if yer there anyway,” Osamu points out, more to himself than you. He makes a face. “Don’t encourage him too much while yer there, alright?”

“Of course not,” you tell him. Forcing a smile, you push some of your hair back from your face so you can look at him properly in the eyes. “I may be his girlfriend, but I don’t want his ego getting any bigger either.” 

Osamu snorts. “Right.” He runs a hand through his grey hair, ruffling it up slightly. “Well, I see ya later then.” 

“Yeah, see you,” you say back. And just like that the conversation ends and Osamu is walking away, leaving you to stare down at your own feet. 

I guess I'm going to volleyball practice later, you think to yourself as your shoulders sag with a long sigh. Today is gonna be much longer than I expected . 

[rikeijo]

Today's translation #59

Kubo Mitsurou's episode commentary

Episode 7. Part 2.

　Every time we were drawing Yuuri, we kept that in mind to make him "act in a way Victor doesn't expect". That's why we have the scene, when before his FS, Yuuri pushes down Victor's head/touches his hair whorl. This is how Yuuri breaks the tension in a unique for him way. He comes up with an idea how to ease the tense atmosphere and so he acts on it, then he sees Victor's surprised face and so, he can be even more relaxed when he skates his FS afterwards. In this episode, I think we managed to portray one part of what we wanted to show in the GP series - that both Victor and Yuuri always think what can they do to make Yuuri skate with a fresh mindset.

　About the scene after the FS - I was thinking that it could be interpreted in whichever way you like. However, this was the scene which received the strongest reaction from foreign fans, and I was, for example, asked directly "so what was that? [kiss or hug]"… Also, I heard from Japanese fans too that, for example, somebody argued with their friend about whether it was a kiss or just a hug. I was really surprised thinking: "So everybody really wants to know the truth, huh?". I was sure that when it comes to fiction, everyone prefers to interpret it in the way they like. But while watching the response to this scene, I realized very strongly that to the viewers this show is already established as an existing world, even if it's fictional, and that everyone feels that "There must be one correct answer [to what happened] somewhere".

[Notes: This time the translator rants! So if you're not interested in my ranting I recommend not reading the notes… ✨ The rant is about MAPPA/Avex and fujos.

The last comment is one that is very often mistranslated into "Japanese fans didn't need to be told what happened, because it was clear to them!" that it was a kiss. However, what Mitsuko said is actually the opposite. She also never ever publicly confirmed that it was a kiss.

However, MAPPA, accused by some people from YoI fandom of being homophobic and what not nowadays, included this scene with other kisses in their anniversary PV, casually confirming the obvious.

If somebody was not very fond of the idea that it was a kiss, or romantic kiss, or kiss that means they are gay, it was a not so small part of Jp fujoshi fandom. The real homophobes, to whom heterosexual love is still the "normal love", NL.

As much as I understand that people are frustrated by the radio silence, each time I see people accusing Mappa or Avex of being homophobes (Avex produced "What did you eat yesterday" live-action movie in 2021, a movie about middle-aged gay couple living together in modern Tokyo), and then retweeting art of 左右完全固定 fujos, so fujos who only accept one character to be uke and the other to be seme, never the other way around, I'm like "the irony...✨". If somebody wanted the movie about teenage Victor to never happen, because that's not their seme prince, it's these fujos, who also don't want Yuuri-chan to lose his uke princess crown (and to be clear, I'm not saying "every one of them", but it's hardly unpopular opinion among this group of YoI fans)...

I'm really sorry for this random rant... I really want this blog to be a place when newer fans can easily find interviews and so on.

But after reading a crazy amount of anti-IceAdo, anti-teenage Victor, anti-Yurio, anti-Mitsurou, anti-Hiramatsu-san, anti-Noriko Ito-san, anti-Sayo etc. comments from fujos, and then seeing western fans only accusing MAPPA these past few days (sometimes MAPPA+Avex) of everything that's happening with IceAdo, I'm just like... 😬 That's just not fair, imo.]

[lebrookestore]

Honestly there's a lot of conflicting information regarding the censorship, some people say only the ebook version is censored, but Korea does have strict laws when it comes to graphic s*xual content. So, hmmm. I completely understand people who cannot support the idols involved due to personal matters and the fact they even watched/read MIA is enough for them. The unfortunate part is, since it's widely popular and acclaimed a lot of people engaged with it, I can guarantee that many idols who are into animanga did it, so technically no one is safe. The smart thing to do is simply not mention it publicly.

Even saying "I don't recommend it" brings attention to it, and when you have a lot of young impressionable fans you have a certain responsibility. Tyong's situation is tough, because on one hand he has never spoken about it, most people overlooked the manga copy in his story, I definitely didn't notice it, because the fucking boots were the centerpiece of the photo. So it's not like he said "hey, look at this manga I bought, it's so good" that would make me go "are you fucking insane man?!"... but the copy is still there. Is it his? Probably. Does he own all volumes? Idk. It'd make sense if he at least read them. Anyways, censored or not it's still a very disturbing story, but it's important to remember the awful treatment of children technically isn't the main point, it's still there, some volumes or episodes are more focused on other things though. I still don't see the appeal, but I saw a few episodes... against my will. I know people who engaged with MIA in some shape or form and none of them condemn the terrible violence and s*xualization. So, acting like everyone is a p*dophile is a deranged take, it's not only a serious mental disorder, but a heavy allegation too.

All in all, am I disappointed? Yeah. Am I surprised people watched or read a popular piece of work? No. I'm only shocked it got so many volumes and translations as well as 2 season of anime considering the author is actually a p*do. But if you're not into little kids then you'll definitely not find the s*xual aspects enjoyable. I don't believe you're a horrible person for engaging with MIA, but it's definitely not something you should be proud of.

This controversy once again proved that not only kpoppies can't hold their idols accountable without baby-ing grown ass people, but that many of them have hidden agendas and hate b*ners for certain idols and don't care for the actual issue. Dismissing the feelings of concerned fans is very insensitive, but so is sending threats to to people...

Sorry for the rant, the past few days have been so exhausting and I'm so torn and fed up, but also cannot stop thinking about it. And people's extreme stances and confusing information don't help, lol. I don't wanna be a defender, because MIA shouldn't be a thing, there's time and place to show sensitive subjects, but this story isn't it, but I can't bring myself to act like the idols in question (or any person who watched/read it) are total scums who deserve to d**, because they didn't commit a crime and didn't harm anyone directly (apart from hurting and letting down some fans).

i would like to say that you've worded this entire thing very well anon, i think you've covered all the bases and summarised how i feel about the situation as well. it is a very popular manga and chances are several more people have already consumed it. and exactly, the main point of the manga is to be a horror/gore manga, and an important thing to remember is that there is a difference between consuming media with something and condoning it.

it's been completely confirmed that everything was censored and all the scenes containing anything abusive or anything related to the allegations are not included at all! even so, i'm definitely appalled that something like this exists, but then again, several deranged things exist out here on the internet so. sending threats to people however, is absolutely insane to me.

and its completely alright, don't sweat it!! i definitely understand it weighing down on your mind because it certainly was the same for me until it was all cleared up.

[mantasunray-art]

I'll not be surprised if the self called bully shittalked his friends and people on twt being so eager to defend karl saying that he and dream are besties well let me ask why does one of the "besties" never publicly supports the other cuz they were plenty of times like the server, his birthday, the album and karl has been active on twitter when these things happened so what's the alaby this time

yeah man like the "they're bffs" argument is ridiculous. i've made back in july insane tumblr posts about him being spineless and not wanting to be associated with dream at all and having 0 actual meaningful projects that are 100% his going forward. also dream literally confirmed that they don't talk privately so..... anyway some of those messages i believe are too stupid to be sent to ur fucking mods but what do i know about karl lmao! the only message really on character is him blaming dream for tales which i know has happened before haha

i'm not gonna just believe it because like those are so easily faked and i'm a dream fan so i know better than to trust random ass burners

but i hate this fucking limbo cause i hope it's fake because dteam don't deserve it but i also hope it's real so we can rip the bandaid off once and for all. but also if ends up not being real karl lovers are gonna get more defensive than ever which is annoying. there is no winning lol

[fraink5-writes]

In the Names of Freedom - Chapter 14

Congrats to tumblr for not being consumed by more controversy (than usual lol) in the week since the last chapter!

Ahem, here is chapter 14, edited by the most lovely @leio13!

Summary: After confirming the death of his latest target, Xiao’s secret mission is interrupted by an eccentric stranger in green, who claims to be Xiao’s protector! But the reality is much more convoluted… What destiny could possibly link Xiao with Venti—an assassin of hitmen?

This chapter can also be found on Ao3 here. Without further ado, please enjoy!

Xiao's first order of business was dealing with his job. He slipped into the Adepti Agency office in his usual discreet fashion. Ganyu was at the reception desk, of course, but she was strangely on the phone. Xiao was not particularly eager to voice his own business, so he waited in silence for the call to end.

"A lyre?"

…

"Do you really think that will help?"

…

"...Nnh…"

…

"Y-yes, but…"

…

"Don't you think you should pursue another trail?"

…

"N—"

…

"Oh! Someone's here, so I need to go—bye!" Ganyu hastily hung up the phone. "Sorry to keep you waiting, Xiao!"

"It's fine. …Who was that?"

"Oh, you know… Keqing." Ganyu sighed. "Recently, she's been obsessed with this case… She thinks it can turn around Liyue's crime problem in the right hands… But last time she almost made a breakthrough, she got knocked out by an unknown assailant. If this case really is that big of a deal, I'd say she was lucky she was only knocked unconscious…"

"Oh." Xiao forced his head up and down. "Yeah. Definitely."

"Right? So I think she should give up on it, but nothing ever gets through to her… Oh! I'm sorry again! I was carrying on… What brings you here, Xiao? …Let's see… Oh, it's the end of your time off, so you must be here for another assignment…" Ganyu shuffled through the papers on the desk.

"Actually, is Morax here?"

"Morax? No… He's on a business trip currently. Now that his schedules opened up a bit, he said there were some more distant cases he wanted to look into." 

That wasn't too surprising. When Xiao was younger, Morax went on many business trips, leaving Xiao in the care of the Wangshu Inn. He had settled down a bit as he got older, but even now, at least 70% of the Agency's far-reaching cases went to him.

"Do you need him for something?" Ganyu asked, still busying herself with the papers.

"Not particularly." Xiao shrugged. "I was just hoping to take another vacation…"

"A… vacation?" Ganyu blinked several times. "When?"

"Now, preferably."

"Oh, uh… That… shouldn't be a problem…" Ganyu's eyes scrambled across her desk until she grabbed the phone again. "But let me call him to make sure!" Her loud voice betrayed her panic. "...Um… Hello, this is Ganyu…"

…

"No, everything is fine, but…"

…

"I'm with Xiao, and he says… he wants to take a vacation…" She hastily whispered the last part as if it were forbidden knowledge.

…

"...Um, now…?" She glanced at Xiao for reassurance. He nodded. Then she suddenly smiled back at Xiao. "He says it's okay!"

Morax said something from the other side of the line.

"He wants to know where you're going."

"Mondstadt," Xiao responded in a loud voice. 

Morax was the first to respond through the phone.

"Oh, that's great!" Ganyu beamed at Xiao. "Your vacation is approved. Please enjoy your trip!" 

"Thank you."

While Ganyu was stuck on the phone with Morax, Xiao took the opportunity to duck out—almost. "He says he wants to hear all about it when you get back!" Ganyu called after him.

"Of course." With that, Xiao took off. He had intended on heading straight back to his apartment, but instead, he found his mind and feet wandering. So even the police want that lyre? What is the big deal? The answer was probably straightforward—it was connected to Venti, the infamous “Mole.”

Xiao’s feet finally stopped when he reached a humble flower stand at Yujing Terrace. Behind the counter was a familiar elderly lady, publicly known as Madame Ping. Apparently, she used to work at the Adepti Agency, but as she had retired shortly after the death of Morax’s late wife, Xiao only knew her in the capacity of Zhongli’s old friend. “Is that you, Xiao?” She called out. “It’s been so long. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Good afternoon, Ping.” Xiao began with the customary pleasantries.

“Good afternoon.” She grinned wryly. “Don’t tell me your father still has business for this retired old lady?”

“No, actually, I have a personal favor to ask you… Have you heard anything about a lyre going up for sale?” When she was younger, Ping was a great musician, so even now that she had retired, Xiao was certain that she was more likely than anyone to have ears in the music scene, above and below ground.

“A lyre?” She tilted her head, meeting her chin with her thumb. “I can’t say that I have.” She smiled suddenly. “Are you getting into music again?”

Xiao blinked.

“Your father used to tell me all the time about how you used to love music. He would say that when you couldn’t sleep, all it would take was one song from me or Guizhong, and you’d be out like a light.”

“He did?” Xiao did have some memories of falling asleep to soothing music, but he had no idea that other people knew about it. His cheeks got warm.

“Oh yes, he did! And he was so happy about it.” Ping smiled fondly, and Xiao couldn’t help but catch her nostalgic contentment. “I will look for this lyre for you. Can you describe it for me?”

“Uh, sure.” Xiao tried to recall the details, but when he had listened to Venti play, he had been too caught up in his voice to notice the lyre’s appearance. “It’s made with a medium brown wood and has blue strings. Oh, and it’s decorated with flowers from Mondstadt. Sorry, I wish I could describe it better. It should be circulating through the market after the original owner left it behind at a hotel. …Or it could be in the trash already.”

“What a shame that would be.” Ping frowned. “We can’t have that, so I’ll track down this lyre, but, Xiao, I’d like to ask you a favor as well.”

“What is it?”

“Can you tell your old man that, when business lets up, a certain old lady would love for him to visit again?”

Neither Xiao nor Madam Ping could possibly know when that’d be; nevertheless, he went along with it. “I’ll tell him when I next see him.”

“Thank you, child.”

Finally, after somewhat settling the issue of the lyre, Xiao could return home to his apartment for however brief a stay it would be.

[outrunningthedark]

My biggest ??? is the article with Hello! to be honest. If they never publicly said anything we would just think they’re ‘going through their phase’ for the 100th time, and reconciliation would not be weird. It’s something easily can be googled with their names even if other people aren’t connecting the dots like we do. My guess is at the time they had a huge falling out and one of them released their side of story (R) out of spite prematurely.

My opinion on the matter has changed with time (and new developments, because these two just never stop *facepalm*). I originally thought he signed off on it without her knowing, hence the blocking (because it caught her by surprise), but if we go back to last month...she started the deleting spree the night prior to the article being published. It's either *very coincidental* (not likely) or she was prepared. What has made me shift gears regarding the origins of the article is what happened in the aftermath. Maybe he wasn't directly involved (the "source" being someone they know) and so they didn't have the specific details, but they couldn't really dispute anything because it was based in facts (that must have been vetted by the mag, otherwise...just shut down the "rumor" the next day?). And though I was :o about the "fiancee" thing (vs. wife), I actually don't think he's enough of an ass to not confer with her beforehand so they could have put out an "amicable split" statement and I'm also not fully convinced he wouldn't have referred to her as his wife since that's what we're supposed to believe. And quite frankly, seeing (at least a portion of) the kind of person Ryan is, I don't think he'd take such drastic measures and intentionally put the spotlight on his family like that when he never said anything in the ensuing days to confirm the news. If it was his idea, he'd want to make sure it was known, IMO. This was treated more like "Maybe if we don't say anything it will eventually be washed away" (which is clearly what they're going for as of last week).

[cakesexuality]

Lupron update at 3.5 months

I don't think my illness that I've been experiencing recently is connected to Lupron -- I've been flaring again for the last couple weeks and October 17 is still my most recent dose, so on one hand, at least I know I'm probably not allergic to Lupron, but on the other hand, now I have no idea why I've felt sick so often for the last several months

The online booking system for the over-the-phone walk-in clinic I like to use seems to be borked for now, and there were no available upcoming appointments at my primary care clinic, so I had to use an after-hours, on-call provider from my primary care who told me that I'm doing everything right to treat my current flare, to give Aerius a good try (since Claritin and Reactine stopped working, Benadryl and Allegra aren't options for me, and most antihistamines aren't covered by my drug insurance, even if they're prescription-only), to call back in a few days to let them know how I'm doing, and that they might prescribe prednisone as a last resort if I don't get any better (but I do seem to be getting better!! I think Aerius is working)

I'm booked to get my next dose on January 9 so I left a voicemail with my pharmacy last night to get a refill on both Lupron and Seroquel, but they won't get the message until tomorrow morning, and it's probably gonna be another 12-week kit, which would bring me to 7 months on Lupron

I told my ophthalmologist's office that my eye issues could be connected with my reproductive issues, and I asked if there's a consent form I could fill out for them to talk directly to my gynecologist instead of my GP being a middleman, but they said it should be fine for them to contact her office directly, and the receptionist seemed interested in the idea that my maybe-endo could be affecting my vision

I don't know how useful it would be for my gynecologist to collaborate with my other specialists bc at my last injection, I asked if this could be related to my immune issues, and all she could really answer with was "It's definitely a possibility but I can't say for sure in your specific case" which I totally get, but this time I might be like "Hey, the last allergist I saw wasn't interested in helping and insinuated that this was a problem to take to a psychiatrist, and it will be a while until I see another allergist, so if you're comfortable with it, I'd like you to help me explore this"

I need to try contacting my gynecologist again bc I never heard back about whether she thought Lupron could be making me sick, and I also have not heard from her about Norlutate since my last shot, when she said we were denied by the Exceptional Access Program (after already being denied by the Ontario Drug Benefit) so she would ask the manufacturer if they would cover the cost of my add-back, and if the manufacturer doesn't cover it then we may have to go for a different treatment plan

The closer I get to my next injection date, the more I feel like her next step might be a laparoscopy to confirm if I actually do have endometriosis in the first place or if I have something that isn't endo (or isn't PCOS, which we already know I don't have) to make sure we're even going down the correct path, and idk if I'm emotionally/psychologically able to have surgery right now

I don't remember if I've publicly said this on Tumblr before, but I downloaded my raw data from a consumer-grade DNA test I took (my mom wanted me to do it bc it helps her family tree results and we both knew there's a backdoor way to find genetic health stuff with these tests) and so far, I've found 3 different bits in my data that suggest I have a higher risk of developing endo, so that combined with my labs, my imaging, my symptoms, and how I've been responding to treatment all mean that I wouldn't be surprised if surgery did reveal endo in my body

My last Depo-Provera shot was in August and I was getting it every 8 weeks, meaning I was due for it in early October, and I still have not had the widespread joint pain that I was getting that required me to get the shot every 8 weeks instead of the standard 12 weeks... so now I think it was less of a withdrawal from medroxyprogesterone and more of an effect of my estrogen levels going up as my progesterone levels went down

At my next injection, I might ask my gynecologist if she could order some blood work, bc I'm curious to see how my estradiol and testosterone are doing since we last checked them, which was over a year ago (when my testosterone was normal and my estradiol was... questionable), and also my eyebrows are getting patchy again and my TSH was above normal when that happened previously

My results with hypoallergenic skincare have plateaued, so my biggest pimples are still gone and the skin over my pimples is still no longer itchy or peeling, but also I'm still getting small pimples and my skin is still dry (not as dry as before, though). I'm still sticking with it for now, and I've been taking the doxycycline pills the last few days to see how that goes, which my GP said might give me results within a month and she told me that I don't have to take the full 12-week course if I'm happy with how I look at, say, 4 weeks.

I've started doing patch tests again after my skin finally recovered from being bandaged repeatedly and I got some redness and itching from the antiperspirant that I was using just fine for years until it started causing me problems (and for reference, I had to try out several antiperspirants before settling on this one bc all the ones before it also made me itchy), so now I'm trying out natural/aluminum-free deodorants and seeing how I like them... I've tried a natural deodorant in the past, but it was a compressed powder so it didn't stay put on my skin. I've tried out two natural deodorants this time around, the first one (Schmidt's in Bergamot and Lime) smelled good and didn't make me react but the component scratched me every time I applied it, so now I'm trying a second one (Tom's of Maine in Wild Lavender) that hasn't bothered my skin so far and comes in a perfectly fine component.

I got a letter in the mail the other day from the immunology clinic my GP referred me to, and it says the typical wait for an initial appointment is 10 to 12 months (which I know is a long wait regardless but it doesn't feel big in comparison to my 20-to-24-month wait for the EDS clinic lmao)

[astranva]

idk if anyone has already asked this (if so, sorry for that), but i wonder what joe's reaction would be when listening to the podcast. would he be afraid that bsgf!yn would leave him for harry? i'm just curious 🙇‍♀️

Good Influence: bsgf!YN & Joe's reaction.

Word Count: 2.7k

Category: Angst-ish, fluff

Warning: swear language

Summary: Bsgf!YN and Joe (and Gaten Matarazzo) react to Harry’s episode on Good Influence podcast.

.. 

The sound of laughter and loud chatter could be heard from Joe’s living room, Gaten lounging with you and your boyfriend on one random day.

“One more,” you laughed, looking at the young actor with your legs underneath you.

“No, no,” Joe shook his head, putting his hands on your waist from beside you on the couch, “No more embarrassing stories about me from set—Come on, guys.”

“Duuude,” Gaten whined, “You’re no fun.”

“Second that,” you let out a dramatic sigh.

“Ha ha,” Joe jokingly rolled his eyes at you.

Gaten put his feet up on the other couch he was sitting on, lying down as he unlocked his phone while you and Joe talked.

“We’re never getting pizza from that place again,” you told him, pointing at the empty pizza box that sat on the table, “The other place was much better.”

Joe hummed, nodding, “Think it’s the tomato sauce?”

“Or just—I don’t know, the crust is just different. This one kind of feels like bread,” you explained.

“Damn, Y/N,” Gaten spoke in surprise, “You’re trending on Twitter.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, pointing at yourself, “I’m trending?”

“So—Oh yeah,” he nodded before looking at you then back at his phone, “Um, your ex?” He began, “He spoke about you in an interview or something.”

“Jesus Christ,” Joe mumbled, closing his eyes momentarily.

You let out a tiny groan, throwing your head back, “Like actually spoke about me?”

“He said your name. Something about him being sorry and that he could’ve been better.”

“Is he like publicly trying to get you back now?” Joe asked quietly.

“It wasn’t an interview. Or it was, sort of? I don’t know, it was a podcast. Is Gemma Styles his sister?” Gaten asked you.

“Yeah,” you confirmed, joining the dots.

“Well then yeah, he was on her podcast.”

You glanced at Joe, catching his eyes as he gave you a small smile before wrapping his arms around you.

“Do you guys,” Gaten paused, turning his head to look at you before he spoke quietly, “Do you want to listen to it?”

“I didn’t think my Friday plans included listening to my ex talk about me,” you mumbled with a sigh, leaning your head back on the couch.

“It’s just—Dude, that’s so cool. You’re Harry Styles’s ex,” Gaten grinned.

“Come on, man,” Joe gave him a face.

Gaten’s smile faltered, “Right, sorry, sorry. Not the time.”

“We can listen to it,” Joe said, “If you want. If you’re okay with it,” he told you.

“I’m pretty sure I’m getting spammed with it everywhere on my phone right now anyway,” you said, “Might as well. Fuck it, I guess.”

“Yes,” Gaten cheered under his breath, tapping on his phone.

“Hello, I'm Gemma, and welcome to another episode of Good Influence.”

The three of you were silent as Gaten held out his phone, Gemma’s voice coming out of it with her podcast’s background music.

“It’s important to me that people realize that the person who stands on a stage can also be the same person who broke someone’s heart,” Harry’s voice was heard next.

Joe’s eyebrows went up at the sentence, your eyes widened a little, and Gaten let out a quiet “oh shit.”

“Hey, can you pause?” Joe asked, pointing at Gaten who instantly did so. Your boyfriend looked at you, his hands going to your waist again, “You sure you want to listen?”

You gave him a shrug, “I don’t know, I don’t really care,” you answered, “I think I just want to know what he said so I can, I don’t know, be prepared and like, know what to expect from the internet,” you said, “He’s never–He’s never been one to address stuff.”

Joe nodded, “I get it, yeah,” he said, “And it’s been almost a year since the breakup, right?”

You nodded.

“We can stop it whenever you want, yeah?” He asked you.

You smiled a little, leaning in to press your lips against his before you glanced behind you at Gaten, “Hey, close your eyes, kid.”

“Shut up, I’m 20.”

You giggled, pressing a quick kiss to Joe’s lips before turning, getting comfortable by leaning your back against his chest and holding on to his forearms as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Do I play it now?” Gaten asked before pressing play already.

The podcast played as the three of you, again, went quiet as you intently listened.

“In a way it feels like, sort of coming clean? I think that I owe this to someone,” Harry said.

You pursed your lips and took a breath.

You didn’t feel like Harry owed you anything. Sure, you might have felt that months and months ago when you were questioning all that what wrong in your relationship, but that wasn’t the case anymore.

And maybe that was what made matters sad.

Harry didn’t owe you anything, because you realized that you were just fine without him.

You were grateful for Harry, so much that you couldn’t find it in you to hate him even after he was the one person to break your heart the most.

You knew that if things were different–if Harry had more belief and input in your relationship, you would have been together to that day, but that, too, wasn’t the case.

You weren’t sad about it; you weren’t bitter, regretful, or upset about it because right there and then, sitting in the arms of a man who’d go to the ends of the world for you and who had been doing nothing but remind you of your worth, you acknowledged that maybe things went according to a plan that was much bigger and better than your own.

“I think that, I sort of feel like I’m painted as a victim and she–the person I was with is painted as the bad person–Like, it can be looked at like that in a way,” he said, “Or just that so much has been happening and I know I owe it to the one person I actually love to admit that I was an arsehole who could’ve done better.”

You would be lying if you said you expected the fans’ and internet’s reaction to your breakup, or more precisely, your relationship with Harry to begin with.

You expected threats and colorful language by the second, you expected the fans to even find your house and maybe egg you for what it was worth, but you were surpised.

It wasn’t you who received the most hate, it was Harry and Olivia.

You knew that Harry was a good person to his core, you had no doubts about that, but hearing him say that he didn’t want to appear as the victim made you feel for him.

Because you’d be lying if you said you didn’t know that was still in love with you.

“I was in a relationship where I felt loved and supported, like, with someone who I know would’ve gone to the ends of the world for me in a way that was just, like, selfless,” Harry said.

At that, you felt Joe kiss your shoulder before resting his chin on it, tightening his hold on you, making you close your eyes as you leaned on him.

“I think I, um, I took advantage of knowing that the person I was with will always love me,” Harry explained before sniffling, “Like, I can’t hurt her. No matter what I do, she knows I love her and only her and I know she loves me, too,” he truthfully answered. 

You pursed your lips again, opening your eyes and looking at Gaten’s phone.

In a way, you felt proud of Harry, and maybe that sounded silly–like you had gone mad. 

You knew Harry like the back of your hand. You knew his nooks and secrets, you knew what made him giggle and what made him laugh like a seal. You knew what irked him and what made him cry out of anger. You knew Harry enough to know that he was truthfully sorry.

You knew him enough to know that his therapy sessions were no longer once or twice per week, but more. And you knew that you were proud of him for being honest with not just the world, but himself.

“I think that now, months later, she’s happy, she’s–she’s in a relationship where she looks happy, healthy, and I know that she carries so much love in her for everyone, and at some point, it was making me sick because I didn’t think I was deserving of that love,” Harry blew out a breath after that, “It’s like–I was like, alright, how am I going to live my life knowing that I broke her heart? Not just–It’s when you know you’ve done someone like her wrong that it just hits you, like, alright, I’m a terrible person. I’m a horrible person.”

Gaten glanced at you, smiling a little at you and Joe before looking back at the ceiling.

You had subconsciously nodded along to Harry’s words about you being healthy and happy in another relationship, your thumbs gently stroking Joe’s arm around you.

“I think I’m in a place where I’m trying to get past it and become better, but I’m stuck because even though that person was–like, forgiving, it still doesn’t feel right.”

There were moments when you wished you were bitter.

You wished you were petty and you wished you were okay with being very pathetically so. But you weren’t. 

Your heart ached a little for him.

You knew how bad he was at beating himself up, and even though he was the one in the wrong, you found yourself wishing that he moved on in the same way you did; even if strangers on the internet wished that he never did.

“You sort of, like–You love them enough to want them to be happy,” he said, “But to acknowledge your feelings, you’re just a jealous son of a bitch at the end of the day.”

Harry had always been a jealous boyfriend. It wasn’t the suffocating type of jealousy; if anything, he was the kind to get pouty and extra affectionate when he was.

But that was when you were together. You knew that back then, it was love and his need for your undivided attention that were decorated by the green feeling of jealousy, but right now, it was bitterness and the feeling of not doing enough to save the one person who could have been his person for life. You knew that it was self-deprecation that filled a void, all being the heavy rock of jealousy he carried on his shoulders.

“It’s important to me that people realize that the person who stands on a stage can also be the same person who broke someone’s heart.”

You wished that wasn’t the case, not because you wished things were perfectly fine with your relationship with Harry, but you knew how his relationship with the fans was one that meant so much to him.

Harry’s relationship with his fans was one that intimidated him. You could remember all the sleepless nights, all the midnight phone calls, and before-a-show pep talks that you had with him as you reminded him of his worth and acknowledged his effort as an artist. You could remember how scared Harry had always been because he always wanted to give the fans the best time that they deserved, without losing himself.

It was why thinking about the fact that many of his fans disliked the version of him that they weren’t supposed to see, made you blue, and God, you were trying so hard not to blame it on yourself.

“For the longest time, it was how I identified myself, like, how do I make everything exciting? How do I never run out of lyrics? How can I do that? How can I do this? And Y/N just made me stop one night and she told me that and she was like ‘You owe it to yourself to grow in more ways that your songs and career allow you to.’”

The three of you’s eyes widened the moment Harry mentioned your name.

Harry was the most private celebrity you had ever known, so not only was him opening up on Gemma’s podcast a surprise, but slipping up and saying your name was definitely the last thing you expected.

“I mean, ended any rumors, right?” Gaten tried to joke which made you chuckle at the attempt.

“I’m just very grateful for her and all the imprints she left in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever wish for anything but the best for her because it’s what she deserves so just–yeah, just that I’m grateful and that I think I’ll always be sorry.”

The podcast ended and for a moment, you all continued to stay silent.

“Jesus,” Joe chuckled a little.

“That was,” Gaten began, looking at the both of you, “Public.”

You chuckled, “That’s one way to put it.”

“He seems pretty fucked, though,” Gaten frowned, “Like, not fucked up as in he’s a villain–or he is, I don’t know, but I mean, like he’s just,” he paused, “Sad.”

“I didn’t think he’d talk so openly about it,” Joe said, “I mean, he still kept some things out, like that stunt shit, but,” he shrugged.

You hummed, “Didn’t think he’d do it either,” you admitted.

The three of you were quiet before Gaten stood up, “I’m going to pretend to go the bathroom to give you privacy for a moment,” he pointed behind him before walking away, not giving the both of you a chance to reply.

“Hey,” Joe began softly, “Can you look at me for a moment?”

You turned around, wrapping your arms and legs around him.

“Thoughts?”

“I don’t know,” you replied quietly before sighing, “I have so many.”

“Good thing I want to hear them all.”

You smiled slightly before shrugging, “Like, I feel a little neutral about him talking because I moved on–I’m happy with you and I just, I moved on from the relationship because I realized it was a lost battle the moment I walked away. And on the other hand, I’m glad he could, like, express himself because I think it’s great when anybody does that, you know?” You rambled, “And then on the other hand, I think I’m a little mad? I don’t know, I just–I just wish it all stopped, you know? Like it feels like I’ll always be associated with Harry, no matter how long goes by, no matter what I do, we’re just going to–like, our names will be dragged in conversations so I wish the podcast didn’t happen, I guess? Just so that it didn’t give people, like, more to talk about.”

Joe’s eyes were set on you as you talked, nodding lightly as you did and as he listened. “I get you. I understand.”

“God, I probably make no sense right no–”

“Hey, no, no,” he shook his head, “You make so much sense. You make perfect sense,” he said, “Do you want to hear what I think?”

You hummed and nodded.

“I think you’re just so fucking kind, so it’s why you feel like you’re, I don’t know, proud of him for talking about his feelings? And that’s great, it comes from a good place,” he said, “And I think you’re valid and just, so fucking right to want things to get quiet. It sucks that you get dragged in his world everyday,” Joe added, “Big time,” he enunciated, “But I think you’re dealing with it all so well. So fucking well.”

“Do you not feel uncomfortable? Like, with everything that’s been happening?”

“I trust you, Y/N,” he replied, “And come on, I’m not stupid or clueless. He’s Harry Styles, he’s–he’s a big deal. People are always going to talk,” Joe said, “But at the end of the day, we’re eating pizza with shit tomato sauce together and I get to kiss you whenever I want. I don’t know about you, but it sounds like a good deal to me.”

[papaziggy-devblog]

I'm a lil shy to post my writing publicly so I just wanted to share this lil drabble inspired by all the asks thirsting over Harper's teeth 💕

It was innocent, really it was! You were just too damn curious for your own good. It's started out with just you and your cabin mate, Harper, hanging out in the common area one night after a long day in the camp. Everyone else had already retired to their own cabins and you both were decompressing, on your ways to heading to bed soon anyways.

As you stood there glancing over at Harper, his teeth caught your eyes, they were so sharp and it was honestly hard to miss them. "Hey Harper?" You called out to him from the side of the room a couple feet from the couch he was currently sitting on. His head immediately shot up to look at you with surprise. "Yes, Cara Mia?" You tried not letting his little pet name get to you, you weren't quite sure what it meant but it always sounded so sweet in his accent.

"I was just wondering... would you bite me?" His eyes widened slightly before he smirked standing up off the couch and walked towards you. "I'm just curious because you know your teeth are so sharp and I wanted to know how it felt, but you don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable or anything. I promise I won't be offended or anything!" You were backpeddaling and rambling you knew, and as he drew closer and closer, his height towering over, you felt your form shrink back just a little bit with how intimidating he could be up close.

"You could never do anything to make me uncomfortable Cara Mia, now..." Instead of standing in front of you he circled behind, confusing you until you felt his breath crest across the shell of your ear. "Where would you like me to bite you?" Shivering involuntarily at his low gravely voice, you felt your face heat up immensely. Innocent remember! The guy is just trying to satiate your own morbid curiosity, don't be a weirdo about it.

"Uh a-anywhere is fine, really! Wherever you're comfortable biting, and you can bite as hard as you want. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so it won't bother me." The words tumbled out of your mouth jumbled and much less calmly than you were hoping but Harper only let out an airy laugh the ghosted along your neck as he began moving your shirt down your shoulder. As he did you felt his warm breath fan over the juncture of your throat and shoulder, clueing you into the spot he'd chosen. "Are you sure this is ok?" You could feel his lips move centimeters from your skin and it was driving you up the walls. How did he have you so worked up and he hadn't even touched you yet?

"Yep! Like I said anywhere is A-OK with me." A second passed and he seemed to be confirming with himself before you felt his warm lips envelope your skin and his sharp teeth pressed harshly into your shoulder. The pain shot through you immediately causing you to gasp involuntarily and your knees buckle, but before you could fall Haprers arm encircled your midsection holding you up easily. As his teeth unlatched from your skin you could feel his tongue lap out against the wound, whether because blood was actually drawn or not you couldn't tell. The way the cold metal of his piercings and his long tongue massaged the spot had you moaning at the sensation.

The hand that was not around your midsection you could feel it settled onto your hip, rubbing comfortable circles and pressing you back against him desperately. "Fuck, you look so good marked up like this and you make such pretty noises Cara Mia." Harper groaned as he pulled away from your neck but only strayed far enough to growl into your ear again. "I want to hear more."

The dark circles and numerous marks you'd wake up with in the morning were worth it.

*Casually reads this 5 more times*

[sunflowerdigs]

More Queer Roman Nonsense

It's interesting to think about Roman's relationship to his sexuality (here she goes again, lmao) in the context of his relationship with the one canon gay character on Succession, Lawrence Yee. Like, I just don't think it's a coincidence that Roman so cavalierly suggested they gut Vaulter in the same episode where he does the most "normo" heteronormative thing he's done so far and hosts a dinner party with his girlfriend. And I'm not projecting that onto the material - Shiv is surprised when he asks because it's such a conventional adult request. And I just think about that in light of the fact that he actually hugged Lawrence in 1x06, which wasn't something he did with anyone else on his and Kendall's side of the coup.

It's almost like...part of what makes coming to terms with being queer difficult is never really being able to see a clear future for yourself. Maturity and the life cycle in our society is often defined in heteronormative terms (get a gf, get married, have babies, join the PTA and a country club, etc) and so beyond sex and attraction and defining your relationship to gender there's kind of not a roadmap for being queer.

Like, what does the future look like for a Roman Roy who has a boyfriend and not a girlfriend? In the late 90's/early 2000's, when Roman would have been discovering his sexuality, he wouldn't have had an image in his head for anything other than a future with a woman. Queerness was talked about in whispers and there were no gay people on TV or in media (except in tragic movies about AIDS). Transgender wasn't even a term anyone would have recognized except maybe at certain liberal arts colleges in California. And then, in Hollywood, where he worked, there's still such a culture of secrecy around the whole thing because the bigwigs are homophobic af. You can be queer and fuck whoever you want but no one outside of other folks in the industry can know. And, apparently, that's the culture Roman grew up in as well.

And so I think about how Roman begged to be the one to meet with Lawrence because he was so sure they were like "two peas in a metrosexual pod". And how Lawrence is actually out and publicly has a boyfriend, possibly one who is long-term. And how Roman smiled when they were affectionate with each other but how he was also weirdly nervous. And I guess I'm also projecting my own experiences of seeing two women or two men together and the kind of...hope that it gives you (but also that nervousness if you're not completely out). And I'm still thinking about that hug, and wondering how much weight Roman was placing on Lawrence standing up to Logan and helping Kendall to create this completely different future for the company (and maybe for him). And how, when Roman is disappointed in himself or in someone else for showing "weakness", he has a tendency to lash out in order to relieve the pain. Like, he thought Lawrence would be strong and he wasn't and I wonder how much of Logan's homophobia (and racism) that kind of confirmed for Roman (completely unfairly, of course, but that's often how it is). Maybe going into that meeting he finally saw another path for himself but when Kendall lost, it disappeared. And Lawrence was part of what lit up that road for him.

Idk. Just some thoughts.