#so I'll remember tomorrow i guess
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Of course I descend into psychosis when I can't sleep :)
#unreality tw#i felt something in my psyche pop#it felt like what a tooth exploding would feel like but without the pain#or a lightbulb if it were in your face#then there was a big bright blank spot behind my eye that filled up with black#and now the worst cocophany of audial hallucinations is plaguing the fuck out of me#some lady whose voice is hoarse from screaming is making freaky cat noises at me and i hate it here#why am i even talking about this here#so I'll remember tomorrow i guess#also the popping wasnt physical I'm not having a stroke or anything i checked#vent
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All of Me Loaves All of You [ch2]
[ch0 | NOW ON A03]
Today was the big day. Louise was woken up way too early for her taste, 6 a.m., to go to the wedding venue. To save on costs the whole thing was very DIY - aside from renting a ballroom and hiring a caterer, no way was Bob Belcher catering at his own daughter’s reception and missing out on the important stuff. Besides, he still hated catering.
So Louise had to be up at the buttcrack of dawn to go and help make sure everything was perfect. Which of course she was the perfect person for the overseeing of...just not for another few hours. Or at least 5 or so shots of espresso. Which she halfway downed on the drive with her parents and Gene.
Zeke’s cousin Leslie was already unfolding chairs outside when the Belchers arrived, a gaggle of children running around and not really helping. Who was helping though was a very tired looking blonde. Louise grimaced as Logan spun around, swinging a chair like Leatherface as he tried to not hit any of the children dashing about. He was very off balance and Louise sipped her caffeine and hoped she’d see him fall. Maybe he’d twist his ankle and someone else would have to stand it as best man. Leslie would be a suitable choice, he could even dance.
No such luck. Brown eyes squinted as the man righted himself and managed to set the chair down without incident. They then looked down at her just as dark coffee as the blonde started walking over with one of those smarmy little smirks of his.
“You gonna help with the labor or just stare at the workers?” he chided, arms crossed and that left brow of his raised so high Louise thought it may get lost in his bangs. Not bangs she could hide under like an umbrella if it rained, but a jungle that her fingers would probably get ensnared in if she-
She blinked. Then she scoffed. “Unlike yooou, I have the all important job of making sure the bride doesn’t lose her shit. This means that I don’t have to do manual labor, thank you very much.”
Logan rolled his eyes and huffed a little, but then he motioned to the building. “Bride-not-zilla is in there with Susmita already.” He looked like he was about to say something else, but Louise spoke first,
“Great well you keep doing a mediocre job out here and I’m gonna go crush it in the dressing room.”
She pushed past him, a little bit of coffee splashing his shirt and giving a “ha!” when he called out her name in an accusing whine.
Dodging way too rambunctious children, Louise crossed the lawn and the ballroom. Then she cracked the door open for a decency check before sliding in. Linda had beelined when they arrived and was flitting about while Susmita handed a robed Tina a thermos.
“Bit early for vodka ain’t it?” Louise cracked. Her sister gave a sleepy glare. She shrugged and muttered, “Tough crowd,” and went to the pile of bags. She and her mom had put their stuff in the same bag and now was the time for Louise to dig around. They had a couple of hours before they were needed for the photoshoots, but Louise knew if she wanted to avoid manual labor she should get ready asap.
“Louise don’t you wanna lounge for a bit in the fancy robes?” Linda asked, waving a fluffy pink robe around. The question stopped Louise in her tracks. She stared at the cloth in question as it beckoned like a siren. If she put that on then not only would she not be forced out of the room, but she also wouldn’t have to use any effort to make herself up much earlier than she needed.
“Yes Mother, I would like to lounge in the fancy robes, thank you.” Louise agreed while putting down the bag. She took the robe from her mom and slid it over her pj’s. The microfiber fleece lulled her into a sense of security. How can Tina be grumpy in this?! she wondered for a moment. But then she remembered how little sleep everyone had gotten.
“Alright so. What’s the game plan Sus?” She decided it was going to be much better directing all inquiries to the bride’s maid who had it all together.
-x-x-x-
An hour of sitting around later and Louise found herself growing….bored. She was currently hanging upside down on the settee, scrolling aimlessly on her phone. Her coffee was gone and replaced with a mimosa flute. Which she was nursing because she felt like 8 am was too early for alcohol but Linda was still always ready to get a party started.
“Besides, Louise, a mimosa is a morning drink. It’s perfectly acceptable,” the older woman insisted while lifting her own flute up.
“It’s a brunch drink, Mom,” she countered with a smile. “Brunch starts at 11, 10 if you’re being generous.”
“9 am if you’re in the Philippines,” Susmita chimed in without looking away from her tablet. Louise heard a Level Up come from the device and caught Susmita grin.
Linda let out a tchk. “Ahhhh you girls and your cement-ticks.”
“Semantics, Mom,” Tina joined in. Her tea was finally kicking in, she still wasn’t allowed to have coffee after that whole espresso episode she had as a teen.
“What did I say?”
“Nevermind, Mrs. Belcher. Hey, do you know when Gretchen will be here?” Susmita asked, expertly redirecting the subject. Louise admired that. It was nice to have someone else who could handle the family.
And like magic, the door opened to reveal….Tammy and Jocelyn. Louise groaned the smallest amount. The two may have grown up over the years, and sure Louise and Tammy have had their fair share of “same wavelength” moments but...
“Tinaaa, girl we’re heereee!” Tammy exclaimed with way too much energy for 8 in the morning. She made a type of shrill sound that Louise wasn’t sure she could describe. “I can’t believe you’re getting married today!”
“Yeaah you’re, like, making it so official today,” Jocelyn added in the same lilted monotone she’s always had. Her head turned to the minibar next. “Ooo is that orange juice?”
Some things don’t change and it was just too early. So Louise took this as her cue to stop hiding inside and flipped herself off the settee. “Whelp looks like you’ve got enough people to hold down the fort in here T, I’m gonna make sure everything’s going smooth on the battlefield,” she announced while straightening out her robe.
Before Tina could protest, Louise gave her older sister a quick kiss to the top of her head which was graciously washed this morning, and headed out the door with her mimosa in hand.
She didn’t immediately regret it, even if she had to quickly dodge a gaggle of scamps rushing by. But she did so without spilling mimosa, so that was a win. Smirking to herself, she noticed Gene shuffling by.
“Yo Gene, where’s the fire?” she called, already heading toward them.
The middle Belcher looked around without stopping. “Oh Louise!” They gave an appraising up and down glance before pointing. “I do hope that I have a robe waiting for me in either dressing room.” When Louise just raised her eyebrow, they shrugged and turned back to watch where they were going. “The fire’s at Alex’s van. Not a real fire, this time, just that the equipment is there and it needs to be-” they flailed an arm in the general direction of the building, “there.”
Louise now regretted coming outside. Or at least regretted blindly following her sibling. Carrying equipment while holding a drink was going to be way more work than she planned on doing.
“Bob why don’t you trade m-” a voice grabbed Louise’s attention, shaking her from her musings. Not that she’d admit just whose voice did that. A little ways in front of them Bob was at a wizard painted van with Alex and Logan, waving the blonde away with one arm and clutching something that looked hefty in the other.
“I got it, Logan, don’t-” pause for straining noise, “don’t worry about it.”
Gene and Louise shared an eye roll and hurried a little faster to the group. Louise shouted out, “Dad come on you’re one wrong breath away from dying at any moment, let the middle aged guy throw out his back instead.”
Close enough now, Louise could see Logan huff and roll his eyes. “I’m not even 30, Four Ears.”
“And?” she quipped back, not having any real backup. Which she cleverly hid with a sip of her drink. Seeming to pick his battles, Logan just shook his head. Louise thought she saw the corner of his lips tug up. But that’s something neither of them would admit.
Turning her attention back to her elderly father, Louise tutted. “For real, Dad, let someone else get that. I’ll trade you,” she said while holding out her half empty flute. The fast action caught the patriarch off guard and he precariously handed the cargo over in exchange. Louise finished the transaction by taking a careful step towards Logan.
“And now you take this,” she chimed while lifting the luggage by the handle. When the almost-30 year old took it without a second thought Louise prided herself on not cackling right away. The double take he did when he realized what happened caused her to burst, however.
Of course she had expertly weaseled her way into carrying the smallest thing there was. “You were really going to make the father of the bride carry a cd case? You monster,” she teased.
Logan let out a single bark of a laugh. “You should’ve been out here earlier when I handed him the extension cord.” The twinkle in his eye as Louise reached for imaginary pearls was not to be missed. And Louise thought she caught that too. “This is the last of it though. So classic Louise-timing.”
“Pssh, it’s an art, really,” the young woman boasted. She tried to block out Gene and Alex behind them. But when your sibling only knows stage whisper as a lowest setting that was difficult, especially when that skill is extended to their platonic soulmate.
It was Alex who spoke the question, “Do you think we’re going to perform at their wedding soon?”
And Gene who answered, “Not for another 7 years.”
“Right, right. In their 30’s,” Alex concluded, referring back to Gene’s ancient prophecy.
For the millionth time in 3 hours, Louise rolled her eyes. Gene said a lot of things off the cuff, and that was just one of those things. Her sibling was not a prophet, and she was never going to reconnect and marry Logan Barry Bush in her 30’s. For one thing, they had already reconnected now, before Louise’s 20’s. So that was already not going well in Gene’s favor.
Still, she cast a quick glance at Logan and noticed that his face was just the slightest shade of pink. An impish smile took her face.
“I don’t know Logan, I think we should see if Hall and Oates would get back together for us. If they’re still alive in 7 years that is,” she said a little louder than normal. The blonde had the briefest moment of confusion before that rusty gear in his brain clicked over.
“Awh but I was really looking forward to Beyonce,” he pouted.
“I don’t think we’d be able to afford her baby,” she consoled. Cue the indignant gasps from the peanut gallery in the back, and a confused noise from Bob up front. Choosing to leave the former suffering, Louise called out to the latter, “Nothing, Pops!” Then shared a snicker with Logan.
And that really helped pass the steps back to the main area. Thankfully because Louise was thinking that she needed a refill-osa after that. God maybe I am turning into Mom a little.
“So has anyone checked on Zeke?” she asked, setting down the cd case and opening the door to the building. Gene went right on past her, presumably to cash in on their own pink fuzzy robe. Without answering, so she assumed that was a “no”. So she looked directly at Logan.
“Yeah I’ve been checking in between tasks. He’s got the rest of the party in there with him for company.”
Satisfied with the answer, Louise gave a nod and went inside. Sure enough, Gene was walking out of the “girl’s room” in a fluffy pink robe and two flutes of whatever concoction they made. Louise knew one was non alcoholic for Alex, so it was probably just orange juice and Spryt. The two passed with a nod. However Gene paused and caught Louise’s attention.
“You’re not really gonna hire someone else to do music for your wedding, are you?”
The youngest Belcher sighed with a smile. “Of course not. If I ever get married you’re the first person I’m hiring. Third person I call. If I don’t dual-call Tina and Millie first I’m pretty sure they’d materialize and murder me.”
Gene laughed and gave a thoughtful, “That does sound like them.” Then they were out the door and waving one of the flutes around, splashing the contents everywhere. Louise chuckled and re-entered the bridal world once more.
Before she knew it, it was wedding time.
[ ch3]
#louigan#louise belcher/logan bush#louise belcher x logan bush#bob's burgers#bobs burgers#bob's burgers fanfic#starmoth's writing#holy fuck i actually did it#i committed and finished another chapter#also like i wrote the first paragraph and then left it for a while#thought up an idea post-shower and went “i'll remember”#went a while then after another shower went “shit wait idr. oh yes i do but i better write it this time”#spent about 20 minutes air drying bc i was jotting the idea that spiraled into a little more on my phone#and then when i moved it to my doc (which i forgot i had phone access to) i saw that i wrote the first paragraph already#so i was like. no biggie i'll move that to chapter 3#BUT GUESS WHAT'S GETTING PUSHED BACK ANOTHER CHAPTER#bc i wrote this in spurts and then at midnight decided i'd work on it while i had a pre-bed chicken sandwich#and i proceeded to write 1102 out of 2242 words when i should've stopped and gone to bed by 1#it is now 2:27 in the morning#i don't have work or anything but i was hoping to fix my sleep schedule#but damn if i don't listen to the call of the wrild#anyway a bit of the wedding and then the reception is next#also i can finally post to ao3 but that'll be maaaaybe tomorrow#i'm kinda just really really bad at posting things#oh also i didn't actually start writing until 12:20#i just thought about starting at midnight
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still no internet, also I had a bit of a breakdown over our dishwasher today (the damn thing doesn't fit with the door that we've got, but we'll figure it out, and if not I'll just explode or whatever).
BUT. I started listening to The Thursday Murder Club yesterday because it was on my phone and I've listened to almost all the other audiobooks on there now, and oh my god? I love it so much. haven't been obsessed with a book in a long long time but this might do it lol
#I didn't know anything about it#if I had known that it's about a bunch of old people..... well I might have listened to it sooner! I love them all so much#but especially Ibrahim#that's my 80 year old baby boy!!#they're all so funny#i think I expected it to be a bit boring because I only read thrillers and well 🤷 but it's not. it's adorable and funny and I'm really#enjoying it#I can't remember if I've got the other ones on my computer. I hope so#😬😬😬 I can't wait until we have internet#ugh i guess I'll have to set up my computer somewhere tomorrow and check.#I would have had to do that anyway since I'm almost out of books now (I mean. only on my phone. there's plenty on my computer lol)#anyway yeah love this book so much 🥰#also I will never let my partner check things that depend on accuracy again. he promised he checked if the dishwasher would fit and#I guess I should've double checked but there was so much else to do 🙃 he just doesn't really care about detail so it makes sense that he#didn't do a very thorough job. still irritating but. he'll have to find a solution so hopefully it'll work out in the end#personal
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15 hours of sleep and I woke up in enough back pain to keep me bedbound today. This isn't how this is supposed to work lol
#guess I'm working on my computer projects ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#I hope I'm feeling better tomorrow cuz I have a surprise bday party to go to for my husbands coworker/friend#I might ask my husband if he doesn't mind me watching horror on my laptop while I work#I usually avoid it cuz he's... not squeamish or anti-horror but it's just not his thing#so I don't watch it when he's around to make sure he doesn't accidentally see something he doesn't like#but i want my comfort genre today (as I usually do when I'm stuck in bed)#he's making me coffee rn so I'll ask him when he gets back#which reminds me I gotta remember to 🏴☠️ a few movies that are unavailable anywhere else atm#if anyone has a 🏴☠️ for midsommar or oculus lmk#def can't watch those in front of hubby but they're my faves lol
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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post-hamlet thoughts
tl;dr my college did hamlet and i was in it and it was cool
first of all, in case i hadn't made this clear already, this was entirely student-produced. i mean, we got some money from the theater department, but people-wise, it was all students.
i've told the rest of the cast this time and time again, but they're so good. insanely dedicated and humbling in their talent.
our hamlet, horatio, ophelia, and laertes were all freshman, and they were all stellar. ophelia and laertes broke my heart every night in the second half with their anger and their sadness. horatio always brings top energy to scenes and had lots of funny moments (espec counting his doubling as the second gravedigger) but also made me feel things (we staged act 4 scene 6 as him alone on stage reading hamlet's letter to the audience and he killed it every time). and our hamlet was just incredible; a pleasure to act against as guildenstern and a pleasure to watch / listen to in their more emotional scenes.
and everyone else was great too! our polonius was always funny but also had genuine moments of connection with his kids; our cladius brought some great depth to the role (his take on the monologue in act 3 scene 3 was great) while still being despicable, especially in his manipulation of laertes; our gertrude brought our director's take on her to life impeccably; and, of course, i had a wonderful and hilarious partner in our rosencrantz :)
not to mention our quartet of players (who also filled out the other miscellaneous roles) who had a ton of great moments. shout-outs in particular to the guy who doubled as the first gravedigger and sang his sung lines as a sea shanty (honestly, i think he could have been a great guildenstern or rosencrantz in another universe).
the crew, of course, was also amazing. there were like 150 cues? my friend (the writer i mentioned in this post) did a fantastic job with the lights. the people behind the staging and makeup did just as well. and the costumes were so fun! everyone looked great; we had a consistent black-white-red-brown color palette that tied it all together. special shout-out to the player king wearing a white shirt with a black cape while cladius wore a zipped-up leather jacket and a white cape.
oh, and me and ros? we got fedoras :) i may share a photo later. maybe.
we did our show in the college black box theater (inside the fine arts building), which i do not currently have the brain cells to try and explain the layout of. it's a kind of weird space, but i think we made the most of it. for the majority of the show i was off stage left, meaning i was hanging out at the top of the stairs which serve as the main entrance and exit to the theater (sitting/standing where i couldn't be seen by the audience obv). you can't really see the stage at all from there but you sure can hear the actors, and by the time of the show that was (mostly) enough for me.
as far as how the actual shows went?
friday was our most engaged audience. their laughter was greatly appreciated in the early scenes ...slightly less so when everyone was dying in the final scene. i mean, i get it, people start dropping like flies and actually foaming at the mouth and spitting out (fake) blood; it's a lot. i applaud hamlet and horatio for staying in character through it. everyone did a great job that night; it was probably better than all our dress rehearsals as a whole.
saturday, at least from my pov, had kind of weird vibes at the start? i don't know how much of it was people getting to bed late the previous night, how much of it was overconfidence, and how much of it was people getting in their own heads, but it was our lowest energy show. the audience wasn't as audibly engaged either, but they did give us a big applause. i felt more good than bad about it by the end, for sure.
especially in retrospect, because, despite us having a smaller crowd at today's matinee, everyone was back on the ball. the ending in particular i think was the best we've ever done it. it was probably my best performance as well.
to be clear, i wouldn't rate any of our three shows below an 8 out of 10, for what that's worth. everyone gave so much to their performances; the funny bits were funny even when the audience didn't seem to think so, and i was always getting caught up in my feelings in the second act. you can't ask for much more than that.
now, here's a compilation of things from the production in no real order:
i already posted about this, but having the blood stains on stage where people die from the beginning of every show? *chef's kiss*
i'll also restate the thing i mentioned in the tags of that post: characters who were murderers had symbolic blood makeup after they killed someone. cladius had a bloody ear from the start of the show, the meaning of which becomes clear once you see the player king get poison poured in his ears; hamlet got blood on their face during intermission that's meant to be polonius's blood; and, arguably most significantly, gertrude had bloody handprints around her neck when she entered at the end of act 4, which, in addition to her hair and arms being dripping wet, is meant to suggest that the story she tells about ophelia's death is, in fact, a cover for something less accidental.
as mentioned above, our director's take on gertrude in general was, from my understanding, pretty different from the standard. to quote from his character spines, "you fundamentally want to prepare your son hamlet to be king; you are playing essentially a game of chess to do so." it was really compelling to see in action. the way she performed act 4 scene 7? chilling.
speaking of those character spines, the first line of horatio's is literally just, "You are in love with Hamlet." and boy howdy did that come through
prime example of that (other than just, all of his and hamlet's interactions, which were wonderful): when horatio finished reading the letter from hamlet, he sniffed it, in a very sweet and very not-platonic way
it was an unintentional running gag throughout the whole process that other cast members would forget between ros and me which character we were playing - to the point that every performance, when hamlet first greeted us, even though i would get to them first, they addressed me first, and it's written that they say my name first, they would call me rosencrantz and our ros guildenstern. ...someone should write a play about that.
i might have posted about this already, but in ros and i's first scene with hamlet, when the two of them start talking about child actors, hamlet made us sit in the thrones, and we would make moves to leave of varying boldness that they, of course, never let us follow through on. this then got basically repeated in act 3 scene 2 except that horatio got to join in on the fun of relentlessly mocking us
(the thing where hamlet handed me their copy of william shakespeare's complete works while they dud the "what is a man" mimi monologue got dropped at some point in the dress rehearsals, unfortunately. they did flip through it with the players though)
during the play within a play, polonius would keep falling asleep and ros and i would keep waking him up
(we also got to do some fun silent banter back in act 2 scene 2 while hamlet and the players were doing their thing)
then the bit after that with the recorders, aka guildenstern's defining moment, was just so fun. hamlet and horatio basically sandwiched ros and me between the two of them, and hamlet and i played off each other very well (at least imo), and though i couldn't see what horatio and ros were doing behind me i know that it got some good laughs. and i could tell every night that the scene landed despite the shakespearean language barrier, so i can't help but be satisfied.
my other best moment was when the king told me to go get polonius's body from the stairs and i got to slump and make a "do i have to?" face before my (final) exit. i managed to actually get some chuckles from that tonight, from the crowd that, again, laughed the least in general, and i can't put into words how euphoric i was to have that be my last moment playing guildenstern.
from the rest of the second half of the show, which i am not in, i will highlight a) the gravedigger eventually realizing after shoveling for minutes on end that he's been shoveling literally nothing (love me a good little fourth wall break) and b) when hamlet and laertes come to physical blows over ophelia, horatio, on his line, steps between them, draws laertes's sword, and takes a stance pointing it at laertes to hold him off, all in basically one glorious motion.
oh, and the ending, of course.
as i alluded to way earlier, we had fake blood and alka-seltzer tablets that the people who died in act 5 scene 2 used to great effect (particularly the people who died via poison)
speaking of that scene, the sword fight was very neat! well-choreographed and well-enacted. real foils btw
and the way hamlet and horatio performed the ending? more than anything, the way hamlet said "give me the cup; let go!" - that shit hurt, in the best way, every night. (and though hamlet died in the king's throne (with the king's crown on), horatio held / clung to them the whole damn time)
for a lighter final note: our polonius doubled as fortinbras and came on at the ending in this huge, heavy, vampire-ass cloak, accompanied by our director as the messenger from england who announces my and ros's death :)
thankfully, we did record our last dress rehearsal, so we do have a version of it that we'll get to watch back in the future. i won't be able to share it with any of y'all (we will apparently be in BIG trouble if we post it anywhere online) but it'll be nice to have for me.
funny thing that happened while i was typing this long-ass post out: i kept using present tense and then realizing i had to change it to past tense. and by "funny" here, i mean, uh... oof.
we never got a perfect run-through where no lines were skipped over, but, i mean, it's fucking hamlet. we did this shit in like a month and a half (with a week lost to spring break); it's more than impressive that the show turned out how it did. it was a group labor of love, and one of the best things i've ever gotten to be a part of.
and i miss it already.
...at least there's movie night on tuesday :)
#hamlet#so excited to introduce these guys to rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead. they'll never see hamlet the same way again#man. i've really missed acting. or rather... being part of a production like this#shout-out to whoever was originally cast as guildenstern but dropped out because they didn't realize a shakespeare play#would be a big commitment#and thereby gave me the opportunity to be in the show despite having been too busy and insecure to audition#i might come back and add more to this tomorrow if i remember more things that i want to have a record of#i could talk more about how rehearsals went#or about the few places in which i may have perhaps done things differently than our director if it wasn't his show#but i think for now this is enough#thank you all for following along on my hamlet journey#i will say that there is a greater than 0 chance that i'll post some shitty hamlet fancomics here in the future#so. if that's something you really want. let me know. i guess.#and again i don't think any of the cast have tumblr#but if you do and you see this: pls never stop acting#i've got your back <3#yes i am posting this at 1 am when i have class tomorrow (today technically). what of it
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You ever just like. Have something randomly pop into your head that like causes you to spiral rapidly but then you snap out of it like 30 seconds later. Yeag
#sorry i thought about my great aunt's peach perfume that she let me have when i was like 5 because i loved it so much#and i freaked out because i couldn't remember if i had finally runout of it or not and if i did that would be Bad For Me Mentally Right Now#but i snapped out of it because I'm positive i still have some. i know this i know it#i promised myself when i was little that i would never use the last bit so i could keep it and smell it forever#so i KNOW i still have it somewhere in my box of makeup stuff. maybe I'll have to find that tomorrow#because if i was out of that i. don't know what I'd do about it but i don't think they sell it anymore so I can't just get more#and anyways this bottle specifically is special because it was my great aunt s and there's no replacing that#anyways. i don't know why I'm posting this i am just going through one hell of a night tonight and i guess talking makes me feel less alone#i really should be sleeping now but. idk
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@pizzee Thank you for the tagging me to join in on the TV show tag game! I have the exact opposite problem to you in that I watch way too many shows. There's so many I've watched in the last few months alone that I've absolutely loved (Andor, Severance, Poker Face, The Sandman, The Last of Us, Vox Machina, etc etc) but for this I think I'll stick with the ones that I've connected to and cherished the most of the years. It wasn't required or even asked for but all of you are getting Backstory™ for these whether you like it or not. Anyway, in no particular order, here they are:
Moon Knight: Wow, I like the show that is now my defining personality trait? Shocker. But, no, seriously, I don't think I've latched onto a show or group of characters so quickly in my life, or so intensely before. This show has (as of posting this) made me write almost 200k worth of fic about it. I got bloody Discord because of this show because the brainrot was so intense. I am part of a fandom community for really the first time in my life because of this show. It's no exaggeration to say that this show has had a huge impact on me; the dinosaurs got off easy in comparison.
Lucifer: I started watching this show when Season 2 premiered way back in 2016 and I was there watching it up until the end. It was silly and emotional and heartwarming and campy, and the characters were amazing (do I own shirts that Ella Lopez wore in the show? Yes, yes I do.) and the music was excellent. This show loved the heck out of metaphors, and I am not immune to that. Or Tom Ellis.
The Owl House: I used to be obsessed with owls when I was younger (the 'Owls of Ga'Hoole' movie was my jam, and—I'm sorry Zack Snyder directed that??? What the f—ahem, sorry, as I was saying:), and while that particular interest faded over the years, I do remember I was drawn to this show because of the name, and then the premise, and then the characters (Hunter gets a gold star for making me go "argh this guy is annoying" to "I would die for him" within a span of two appearances), and then so, so many things. I've loved a lot of cartoons, many of which deserve a spot on this list, but this one just hits so many of the right notes for me. I will die mad that Disney robbed us of a full season 3, but I will always cherish what we got.
Adventure Time: The first show I ever binged in full, and essentially what kickstarted my career as a Tumblrite (my logo was Marceline for many a year—if you find my *gag* Wattpad account it'll still be there). I still have doodles for this show from when I was 14 (many of which were Bubbline, which was also my first ship). I am the silly little Tumblr fool I am today because of this show.
Avengers: Earths Mightiest Heroes: I used to watch this show on TV as a kid, random episodes here and there, never enough to truly understand what was going on but enough to know the characters. It was how I first came to know Marvel, long before I even liked superheroes, and it was the reason I watched 'The Avengers', which in turn was the reason I went and saw 'Age of Ultron' (the first MCU movie I ever saw at the cinema) and then, well, the rest is history. But it all started here, with this show. (Also, let's be real, the theme song slaps.)
Doctor Who: specifically the Eleventh and Twelfth Doctor's seasons, though I love Ten's as well (even if 'Midnight' and the following Library episodes—episodes I now adore—scared me off from the show for almost 7 years). I might have also been a little in love with Clara. This show has made me sob with true and utter grief (musical motifs that will make you cry without warning and other secrets your Doctor won't tell you!) and also made me feel like I'm taking acid. It's got the range darling.
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood: I've watched this whole thing three times. It's just…It's good. It's really good. The world, the characters, the animation/visuals, the god damn narrative. I'm still in awe of how masterful this anime was. I aspire to this level of multilayered, intelligent storytelling… and also the level of comedy. It too has the range. And god I love when shows can do that well.
Bee and Puppycat: I used to watch the YouTube series for this (along with 'Bravest Warriors' and a bunch of other Cartoon Hangover shorts) as a tween and it's just a very fond, cosy memory for me. And now there's the Netflix version and it's been wonderful to not only get more of what was already there, but more to the story in general. My childhood self is being tucked into bed and wrapped in a blanket, content in the knowledge that things left unfinished are not always over.
That really is the tip of the iceberg of all the shows I've loved over the years but we'd be here for a month of Sundays if I went on about all them, so I'll take my leave now and pass on the baton. I'm going to tag @yellowocaballero, @mockspector, @theophagism and @aster-o1d. Have fun! :3
#tag game#tv shows#my stuff#nothing makes you realise just how many tv shows you've consumed until you have to narrow it down to eight#i'm sure there are many i've forgotten that i'll probably remember tomorrow and go shit they deserved to be on the list but whatever#i like to consume stories i will not apologise#(i've literally watched three whole shows in the last two weeks alone all of which i've really enjoyed)#you guys should just be glad I didn't start listing my favourite episodes for each of these shows#the desire to be mysterious and vague versus the insatiable urge to talk about things i like with people who might also like the thing#guess which one keeps winning?#hint: you had to scroll to read this entire post#anyway none of these are particularly niche shows so i have no doubt some of you have watched these which hey! cool! i like your taste#and you probably really like found family huh?#yeah i see you
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tried to play some ctgp today but turns out i had to download 70+ updates bc i hadn't played it in years oops
#had to wait like 6 hours for it to fully update#did play like 20 minutes offline tho#just to test out the stuff i put in my stuff folder in case i broke something#i did in fact break the menus bc i shouldn't be replacing menu files in ctgp to add custom character portraits#that's literally all i changed#but the menus break bc i guess ctgp adds some stuff there that's just gone if i replace it#like the arrows to change between cups and the extra cup logos#so it was just a glitchy mess it was a miracle it worked at all#i'll just take the menu files out of the my stuff folder tomorrow#bc i don't really need those for the custom characters to work it's just for the menu to look nice and#to have the custom characters' portraits appear instead of the original ones#the only thingi need for the characters to work is just the kart files and stuff not the menu things#so yeah#i also need to remember how to play mkwii again#bc i kept bumpinginto things or going into the offroad at least a few times per race while i was testing if it worked#and burning out bc i have the mk8dx timing in mind whenthe countdown starts#i'll go online tomorrow tho once i rember how the game works
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#if anyone remembers a guy i mentioned yesterday in the tags of a post#well he was supposed to stay in my town for three more weeks to do army training#with my brother#and i could see him a few more times#but alas god forbid something good happens in my love life#everything was a misconception and he was supposed to return to his town#and he learnt that today#and he left#and at first he said maybe he could talk to some people he knows so he can come back#because him and my brother are really good friends now and they really wanted to be together#and a lot of people in this country use their connections in the army#but they can do nothing 😃#so I'll never see him again most probably#and idk i really shouldn't take it so badly#because ive only seen him two times#but he was so cute and nice and i really hoped for something i guess? at least to see him more times#my brother has an exit permit tomorrow and i could meet them??#and idk im so sad since the morning that i learnt abt it#i know im overreacting again#but I hadn't anyone or anything to look forward for so much time#and now i was excited#like yesterday#after we went for that coffee i was so happy and high almost like i had used drugs#and he was showing us his barber scissors because he's a barber and he said something like#i will show you the rest of them next week when we're out 😭#maybe he just said it as a figure of speech#but i like to think he was thinking of meeting me again next week#fuck im crying now#i just want something good and easy for once in my life#but i guess i ask for too much? who knows. but im tired and sad
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How is YaoYao's serious showdown killing me every time, I've been at it for the past *checks logs* 9 rounds.
#kittybee games#is it bc I'm alt tabbing on paperwork at the same time? I do it paying attn and I still lose and i've cycled 2 decks already#i'm about to cycle to a third one and the margin of loss is always literally 1 hp between our last 2 cards#also I farm neuvie's talent books when I get stressed out and come right back to suffer#I don't know why but the framing of his clothing Really Highlights his legs and its distracting to me - they catch my eyes more than SHENHE#just remembered i have work tomorrow I GUESS I'll sleep in 2 hrs - the haphazard autho emails are still pinging my inbox every so often
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I fear I've made a grave mistake
#covid was going around at work so i made sure to keep my N-95 on at all times and use proper ppe with any covid resident#because i was Not gonna get sick befote comic-con#and i didn't!#but comic-con's over and i think i might have caught covid during the convention 😬#fortunately my sunday cosplay was quite literally a giant box with a hole over the eyes so i doubt i really passed it on then#but i wasn't wearing a mask (despite being very aware that i could end up getting covid because it's a huge crowd of people)#and i am realizing that was a Mistake#I'm only feeling a little gross so far but it's making me remember how much covid sucked#(not as bad as the flu tho so at least there's that?)#and wearing a mask would have been so much less uncomfortable than that constant headache and sore throat#I'm gonna hopefully get tested tomorrow and obviously I'll wear a mask if i leave the house even if it's negative just to be safe#but next year i think I'll probably make some cute lil masks to match my cosplays#because this was A Mistake™#(and it was a fairly shitty weekend too because apparently i only catch covid on shitty days)#(the first time i got it was - i think - from watching Morbius in theaters because it was the only place i didn't mask up bc snacks)#(so i guess i just gotta stop making bad decisions and having bad days)#okay I'm going to bed so i can wake up and get tested and hopefully find out I'm wrong 🤞
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn to know your mutuals and followers. 💜
Thank you 💜 uh-
Thinking about my blorbos
When my bunny jumps on the sofa to get cuddles
My nephew smiling at me and calling me yaya
Thinking about the fact that in one week I'll officially be an engineer
Right now drinking cold water because my throat is a fucking mess
🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
#ask game#i guess?#bestie you're the only one in my notes atm lmaoooooo 🫶🏻 so I'll probably do it tomorrow if I'll remember about it#wait did you get it?#if not I'll send it to you!!
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😒
#my back hurts. my shoulders hurt. I'm exhausted. tomorrow is supposed to be my day off but theres this stupid group project#so I have to be there even though its the last fucking thing I want to spend my day off on#cant even stay up late tonight because of it and I'm so fucking pissed that I keep getting shafted here#nobody else gets their fronting time fucked with like I do. and they have the audacity to act like I'm selfish for wanting time to front.#as if I havent been a primary host for 2 and a half years. as if I should just meekly accept that there's no time for me#well guess fucking what#you need me. you know damn well how bad everything gets when I'm not here to be the trauma and misery sponge.#you can't handle it without me. not without having to deal with the trauma intrusions I keep at bay. you remember how it was before me.#if I'm really so selfish than see how well you do without me. I'll wait.#as if it wasnt my life first
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31 Days of Horror Recs: Something's not quite right here...
Head Count is one of those movies where things build slowly but ever so surely. Something's wrong but it's hard to put your finger on what exactly it is. I thought I saw one thing but when I looked again, maybe I was wrong? The characters feel it and you feel it and there's nothing to do but watch as the things hidden the shadows creep slowly toward the light.
The synopsis of this movie makes it sounds really stupid, I know, you'll just have to trust me on this one.
Synopsis: A group of college students on a weekend getaway decide to look up supernatural stories on the internet and read them out loud. From that moment, someone--or something--walks among them.
#geeky talks#31 days of horror recs#geeky talks horror#it's 11:53pm so it's still the 29th!#so i still made this post on time!#i literally only just remembered it#the past few days have been a rush of craziness#mr geeky and i are dressing up and stuff for my costume keeps going wrong#mars had a doctors apt today and the doctor's office is in the worst spot#absolutely horrific traffic to get to the apt on time#tomorrow i have pt and then i have to finish up the costume#feeling more than a little overwhelmed right now not gonna lie#but i only need to do two more posts#and i think i know what i'm going to do for tomorrow#it's something i wrote up but then second guessed#but i think i'm gonna go ahead and just post it#and then 31 will be my top 5#my current idea for next year is i'm going to try to write a review for every horror movie that i watch in the next year#and then i'll pick 31 of those#i already write up most reviews on letterboxd anyway#i just need to change the specific writing style and i should be good to go for next year
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My boss said nobody is working tomorrow so she asked if I can come in anyway like 😭 I'm gonna die fr 😭
#not snz#this is my ranch hand job btw#she said gm can cover the early morning but there's nobody there the rest of the day#and the babies all have to eat and get looked over so I'm gonna have to 😭#biggest fear is that the super creepy dude shows up bc he comes unannounced#like working there while feeling bad is already shitty but I'll actually freak if that guy shows up#like he scares all the women there but with me specifically they're like he can't be alone with me under any circumstances#he hasn't done anything but he makes weird comments and asks kinda uncomfortable questions#nothing to warrant not letting him come back but enough to put everyone on edge and keep a close eye on him#he's asked me like the most invasive questions and won't let them go even when i say i don't wanna talk about it#and he usually comes sundays so I'm ✨ afraid ✨#can't even ask any of my friends to come for a bit to help out just in case bc I'm still fucking gross 😭#just gotta hope he doesn't show up and also that my reflexes will still be sharp enough to survive the animals 😭#hopefully that's muscle memory at this point ahskaksml#like I'm tired and don't feel great but i worked after my very first covid vax and honestly that's the worst i can remember feeling#fever damn near 102 nauseous as hell splitting headache#rn it's like bad allergies with a slight fever which sucks and is making me miserable but at least it ain't that lmao#idk i told her I'll go in if she really can't get anyone else there but there were two last minute call offs not including me so#we'll see tomorrow i guess 😔
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