#so I have discovered a fun new allergy and I am not thrilled about it

[tj-crochets]

Yesterday I thought I was having alarming new health symptoms while running some errands, got home, and realized that I was just having an allergic reaction to something and apparently sitting in a car in the dark with a whole bunch of bright lights going by everywhere (headlights, street lamps, signs, etc) makes the light sensitive part of the migraine hit a lot harder and a lot faster lol I am pretty much okay now but idk if I will be making anything today 

[artificialqueens]

Come Home to My Heart, Chapter 10 [Final] (Lemyanka) - Plastiquedoll

read on ao3 ✨| previous chapters

A/N:I started writing this and I was like “so it’s going to be around 15k words top” and HERE I AM… no self-control whatsoever… anyway, I’m very happy with the result.If you have made it this far, thank you so much I hope you had a good time reading it and if it put a smile on your face I’ll be more than joyful 💛✨

-10-

Priyanka never –in a million years- thought she was going to feel as relieved as she was when she heard the sound of her car’s engine working again. Yes, maybe it wasn’t the newest car or the best car and yes… it was a gas-guzzler that ate her salary like a snack… but it was her car.

“Have you considered selling it?” The mechanic asked while he cleaned some grease with a rag.

“What?” That man was messing with her.

“One of my clients saw it the other day and liked it, said something about having one like this when she was younger. She asked me if I could extend her offer.”

“No, I mean…” She shook her head. “It’s not for sale, it’s my car and…”

The man handed her a piece of paper with a number written on it.

“Wow… and this is… wow.”

It was more money than what her car costed with the repairs and spare parts included. Way more…

“Can I make a quick call? I’ll be right back” She grabbed her phone from her backpack and called her father.

“Hello?”

“Hi, dad… I’m at the mechanic’s and there’s someone who wants to buy my car…” Her father cackled. “Don’t laugh, I’m serious.”

“Sorry… Your mother is going to be very happy about it. She has been trying to make you get rid of it for years and now you finally have the chance to…well, get rid of it.”

“I mean, I know I won’t get a better offer than this but at the same time… this is my baby and we fought so hard to have it back fully functioning.”

“The alternative was taking it to the junkyard.”

“Does everybody want to see my car turned into a cube of scrap? No need to answer to that.” She took a deep breath. “Do you think you can call the mechanic and check if the offer is legit?”

“I can drop by after lunch and talk to him if you want.”

“Please, that would help a lot.”

She needed to know if this person was serious about paying that amount of cash for her jalopy. Damn it, not jalopy, her car.

“My dad is going to come over after lunch to talk to you if that’s okay.” She explained to the mechanic. “Please don’t tell your client anything yet… I’m not sure I want to sell it.” She scratched her neck.

“No problem, miss. But I should give her a response by tomorrow at the latest.”

“I understand. You’ll have it.”

Priyanka drove back with her car with the windows down like she had done the first time she drove around the town, no music this time, just the tender summer breeze. When she stopped to refuel and at the gas station, she spotted a familiar yellow car parked across the street.

She honked her car horn causing the blonde to turn around with a grumpy frown on her face until she recognized the car and the owner.

“Well, well, well… look who’s back on the road.” Lemon lowered her sunglasses to take a look.

“Guess who’s back, back again.” Priyanka tapped the door with her hand before stepping out of the car.

“That’s something I didn’t think I’d see. I must admit it even looks charming without the smoke coming off the engine.”

“Yeah… that’s-”

She was on her regular witty comments but Priyanka noticed she had big dark circles under her swollen eyes that she kept behind her glasses.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Me? Ah, you mean… It’s nothing, just my allergies acting up.” She made light of the situation. “I was about to drop by the pharmacy to buy some medicine, actually.”

“Oh, I see… So… Did you two have fun yesterday?” Priyanka leaned back in the vehicle.

“It was cool… for a stupid lake.”

“Oh, c’mon, admit it, you did have fun! You were with me.” She playfully bumped her shoulder.

Lemon smiled but Priyanka wasn’t sure that was honest, she couldn’t decipher what it was yet but there was a hint of sadness underneath.

“Is Rita feeling better?”

“Huh? Ah, yes… I should get her some aloe ointment or an after-sun gel.”

“Remember when your mom used to do that thing with the glass of water when we got sunburn after going to the pool? I still can’t believe the water actually had bubbles after it.”

“Yeah…” She shook her head. “I…. She still does it and kids think it’s a magic trick.”

Something was off.

“I’m sorry but I have to ask you, what’s going on?”

Lemon shrugged. “What do you mean?”

“You’re acting weird today.” She crossed her arms on her chest. “Weirder than usual…”

“I’m not…” She rolled her eyes as the most Lemon thing she had done that day.

“Spill it.”

“I’m not-” She looked like she wanted the Earth to swallow her then she looked at Priyanka in the eye. “I’m going back to New York.”

“Next week… I know.”

“This Sunday.”

“What?!”

“I… have a dance thing soon and I figured it would be easier to go back on a day without the heavy traffic since I’m driving alone. Rita’s staying.”

“Oh.” Priyanka blinked twice trying to absorb the new information. “So you’re leaving the day after tomorrow.”

“Yep… I’m staying for one last lunch with my family tomorrow, the dinner at your house, and then I’m heading back early in the morning.”

“Okay… Uhm… That’s…” She scratched her head. “Soon.”

“I know it’s a bit rushed but… I’ve been here for a couple more days than you and… It’s weird, I’ve never been away from the city this long, I’m feeling a little homesick already.” She avoided her friend’s inquisitive gaze.

Priyanka nodded. “Alright.” She took a deep breath. “So… would you like to hang out today or…?”

“Uh, I can’t… I promised Rita I’d go shopping with her… you know, this was our bonding trip originally.”

“Oh, right… no problem.” Priyanka cleared her throat. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

The blonde nodded and whispered. “See you tomorrow.”

And that was their cue to leave separate ways.

Priyanka couldn’t wrap herself around the idea of not having Lemon around. It was like time had slipped off her hands like sand grains and there was nothing she could do.

It wasn’t the end, right? It was their new beginning.

Their second chance…

During Saturday afternoon, Priyanka’s mother kept running around the house making sure everything was perfect as if Lemon hadn’t been there before a million times. Not that Priyanka herself wasn’t nervous to have her back there but she was being more realistic, trying to accept the fact that Lemon was going back to New York meanwhile she was going back to Toronto. Their summer together had been cut short but at least they had the chance to make things right between them and this dinner was the stamp of approval of their flourishing new-old friendship.

Friendship.

It was more than she could aspire from the first time she saw the blonde again. It had been just a week ago but it felt like much more time had passed since then and, simultaneously, it was like time hadn’t passed at all. There was a portion of their lives that would ever be crystalized in the past and it would always look pretty and luminous under the light. That was what she wanted to think, at least.

After helping her mother in the kitchen with the basic knowledge she had of cooking -and as far as she let her help-, Priyanka took a shower and spent a long time trying to decide what to wear.

She didn’t know what kind of energy she wanted to radiate with her clothing, not too much, not too little… Lemon always managed to look good no matter the occasion and she had to live up to it.

She finally picked a simple black and white striped mini dress –actually the only dress she had packed-, she put on a pair of black Converse, brushed her hair, and did her makeup hoping for the best.

Lemon was supposed to be there in fifteen minutes and knowing her Virgo-ass she was going to promptly knock on her door at seven o’clock. Therefore, she had just a couple of minutes to check on the mirror before she arrived.

Priyanka went down the stairs just to discover a family meeting in her living room. Literally, everyone but her sister that lived across the world were there.

“Hi, Priyanka!” They greeted.

“Mom!” She yelled. “Why is everyone here?”

“This is a family dinner,” She said casually. “they wanted to see Lemon too.”

“Why did you tell them she was coming for dinner? I thought it was going to be just us and dad…” She whispered.

“She’s family and you said she was going home tomorrow. They all remember her, after all, you were friends since you were kids…”

“I know that but… Is that our picture from kindergarten?” She walked directly to the wall where all their family photos were. “When did you have the time to put this on?”

“I was cleaning the basement yesterday and I found it… completely unrelated to her visit. Calm down.”

“I don’t believe you…”

“You’re the one wearing a nice dress, look at you. You look beautiful.” Her mother adjusted her glasses to admire her.

“That’s not…” She blushed. “All these people have to leave… It’s too much.”

“You’re overreacting. We’ll have a good time.” She squeezed her daughter’s shoulder trying to comfort her. It worked for a moment.

At least half a dozen people were chatting, drinking, and eating snacks plus a bunch of children running around… it was… chaotic. At least something was cooking in the kitchen and smelled delicious.

Exactly at seven, the doorbell rang. The room went quiet.

“She’s here…”

Her heart was about to burst.

Priyanka ran toward the door and opened it.

“Hey-”

The brunette got out and closed the door behind her before she could say anything else. Lemon –of course- looked lovely with a denim button-front romper along with white sneakers. She had her hair down with some butterfly bobby pins.

“Hi.” Priyanka sighed. “So, long story short… My entire family is inside and they’re thrilled to see you again. I didn’t know they were going to be here… they weren’t supposed to be here but… If you want to run away, this is the moment.”

She stared. “I’m not running away… I told your mom I was going to be here and here I am. Besides, I already know your family.”

“Oh, it has multiplied since you last saw them, trust me.”

“Pri, it’s okay. Don’t worry.” Lemon put loose hair behind her ear.

“Alright… Maybe I’m exaggerating.”

“Look at you, admitting it is the first step.”

There she was, the little spitfire she knew. Maybe Priyanka was just imagining what had happened the day before.

She took a deep breath.

“Okay, let’s go in.” Priyanka linked their arms together and walked in.

They got into the living room where her family was.

“Everyone, look how’s here…” The brunette announced.

At that moment the room greeted her in unison.

Dinner went great –to Priyanka’s relief- after Lemon met the new members of the family and she got questioned for a half-hour, Mrs. Suknanan called everyone to sit at the table. They ate tons of food and told stories about their childhood that made her mother rejoice. Priyanka’s niece, Mel, was glad to see Lemon again as well and, in fact, stuck with her most of the evening.

As she should’ve expected Lemon was the perfect guest for their family dinner. She complimented Priyanka’s mother cooking and helped her with the dishes, she caught up with her cousins and sisters and told them about her life in New York, she even played hide and seek with her nieces and nephews and challenged the brunette to a jump rope competition.

“I’m just saying, you didn’t have to go full Jump in! out there.” Priyanka was still out of breath. “These kids used to respect me… maybe?”

Lemon cackled. “Well, you should’ve practiced when the movie had everyone buying neon ropes.”

They sat on the stairs on the porch at the entrance of the house. It was the first time in the evening they were alone, the voices and laughter could still be heard from the inside.

“Hey, thanks for… you know, hanging out with everyone. You’re kind of good at it.” Priyanka rested her head on the wood column.

“Are you suggesting that I might be… likable?” Lemon pretended to be shocked.

“Maybe…” She shook her head. “Just kidding, you’re great… you’ve always been.”

“No, I’m a bitch and I acknowledge it.”

“Look at you, the first step is admitting it…”

“Fuck off.”

The entrance door opened and Priyanka’s brother carried a sleeping Mel in his arms, his wife behind him was holding the baby, they silently waved at them and then got on their car. They were followed by Priyanka’s sisters and finally the cousins who even hugged Lemon and wished her a safe trip back home.

“I think they all left now. My parents are probably inside drinking tea already.” Priyanka checked the time on her phone. “It’s not too late yet, what do you say if we get some ice cream?”

“I shouldn’t…” Lemon looked at Priyanka and couldn’t say no to her face. “Sure. Let’s get ice cream. Is that place on the Third still open?”

“Yeah! Best ice cream in town, I can’t say it enough, I preach it like a religion.”

“Their chocolate peanut butter was heaven, chocolaty and… buttery.”

“Great descriptive skills… but I get the idea.”

“You were the one who got sick after devouring three cookie dough cones and missed school for two days.”

“I really thought I was going to get my stomach removed or something because my sister told me we were going to the hospital. I cried all day.” She started laughing. “Why do we think things like those when we are kids?”

“Talk for yourself, I’ve always been a logical person.”

“No you weren’t,” She called out. “you thought the moon was made of cheese.”

“Have you ever been to the moon? Do you have actual evidence it’s not made of cheese? That’s all I’m saying.”

“Wow, it’s almost like there wasn’t any scientific proof to contradict that.”

“I was seven…”

“Okay, lunatic, I have my keys; let’s go get the ice cream.”

“Do you want me to get into that…?”

“Don’t complete that sentence.”

“…deathtrap.”

“There she is.” Priyanka spun the keys with her index finger. “For your information, she’s fully functional now.”

“But is it a threat to humankind or…?”

“C’mon, you’re not gonna die… but if you do, we’ll do it together.”

“Ah, nothing excites me more than a Thelma and Louise reboot.”

Priyanka stood up and offered her a helping hand. “The night is young. I’m sure we can find some cliff if you stop whining.”

“Only if we get the ice cream first.” She held her hand.

“See, it’s not that bad.” Priyanka turned on the noisy engine.

On the passenger seat, Lemon rushed to buckle up. “I’m ready… to die.” She crossed her fingers in the air.

Priyanka laughed at loud. “It’s not that bad. At least I know how to use a gear level.”

Before Lemon could protest, they were moving. The night was surprisingly hotter than expected so since the air conditioner was even moodier than the car itself, they had their windows down –Priyanka’s favorite way of driving in town.

Lemon’s old house was on the route and Priyanka drove a bit slower when they got into the familiar neighborhood.

“Oh, look at it…” The blonde smiled softly. “It’s been a while but from the outside, it doesn’t look like it has changed at all.”

“A family is living there, two kids I think.”

“Yes, my dad told me.” Lemon rested her face on the car door as they passed by. “You know, back in the day, we left in such hurry I never got to say goodbye properly to this place. One day my parents were fighting, the next day we were packing and then… we were gone.” She extended her hand in the air as the house was getting behind.

“I remember. You didn’t want to leave.”

“Leaving the house… my life here… you… it was the most difficult thing.” Her voice almost cracked.

Priyanka’s heart skipped a beat. She didn’t want to see Lemon crying.

“Okay, you know what… this visit to the ice cream shop wouldn’t be complete without some music…” She opened the glove compartment in front of the blonde.

“Celine Dion… I expected it.”

“No, under that one… Hey, Celine Dion is a great singer and I’m not ashamed of having her albums there.”

“You mean you have albums in plural?”

“Can you please get past my Celine Dion liking and pick another album?”

“I would but my heart won’t go on…”

“Shut up… that was bad.”

“Well, that’s what you get when you…” Lemon paused as she picked another album. “This is… Spiceworld.”

“The very same.”

“But… is it the one…?”

“It’s the one you gave me… Mine still works although it skips sometimes.”

Lemon’s bottom lip trembled as she had her eyes nailed on the album.

“Hey no… don’t cry,” The brunette put on the CD when they stopped on a red light. “there’s no crying if Spice Up Your Life is playing.”

“I’m not…” She sobbed.

The catchy tune started playing.

“When you’re feeling sad and low…We will take you, where you gotta go.” She encouraged her friend to follow the lyrics.

“Smiling dancing, everything is free… All you need is, positivity”

“C’mon, pre-chorus.”

“Colours of the world… Spice up your life!”

“Every boy and every girl… Spice up your life!”

“People of the world… Spice up your life, ahh!” They yelled at the same time.

Before hitting the chorus, Lemon was already cackling so loud she almost snorted. Priyanka was already laughing she nearly drove past the ice cream shop.

“We’re here.” She announced.

Lemon stared at her for a moment and shook her head before getting out of the car.

“I’m guessing you’re still going to order the cookie dough cone.”

“It takes more than a hospital stay to destroy a lifetime obsession.” She followed the blonde.

“That’s… wrong. You know what, maybe you need an intervention.”

“Uh, imagine something like AA but it’s for people with chocolate cookie addiction.”

“It’d be you and the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street sitting on an empty room.” She opened the door and held it for the brunette.

“But after the meeting, we’d be at the coffee table getting some snacks and guess what… chocolate chip cookies.”

“Utterly triggering.”

An older woman that was in line stared at them, their conversations out of context surely made more than one turn around. However, they didn’t even notice, their bubble was unbreakable.

They ordered their ice cream and sat outside the shop. Priyanka got her cookie ice cream and Lemon indulged herself with a chocolate peanut butter and raspberry double cone. The table was small and it didn’t have much space so they were squished there, comfortably chatting; seen from the outside, it looked like they were on a date.

They were halfway Spiceworld on their way back to Priyanka’s house when Lemon spotted it. Her eyes got wide as soon as she recognized the familiar location; the closed fence with the opening hours written on a wooden sign, the green lights shining inside, the fractured moonlight shining on the surface of the water and the eerie aura of a usually crowded place during the day and empty at night.

“Stop! Stop the car!”

Priyanka stopped the car violently making them shake on their seats.

“Are you insane? Why did you do that?”

“This is the pool,” Lemon looked amused. “the swimming pool we used to come when we were kids, right?”

“Yes?” Priyanka parked the car next to the curb. “Why are you so excited about it?”

“Because… before coming back I had a dream involving this pool… and you were on it!”

“Wait, what kind of dream?” The blonde was already out of the car. “Lemon, Lemon?”

She approached the –obviously- locked gate and tried to peep over it. Needless to say, she was unsuccessful at it and wasn’t very pleased with it.

“We have to get in.”

“Are you trying to trespass private property or something like that?” Priyanka stood, arms akimbo.

“Since when are you the sensible one?” She asked with disbelief.

“…You’re right. I think we can climb over the fence.” She suddenly felt the adrenaline rush.

“That’s the attitude.” She looked around. “Now… what do we do?”

“This was your plan.”

“Yeah… but I don’t usually break the rules so I guess it’s more of your area of expertise.” She batted her lashes, if Priyanka didn’t know better she’d say she was flirting but of course, that was impossible.

“Ha, ha, you’re funny…”

“I think I’m really funny.” She leaned against the fence. “Now… how are we going to get in?”

“Well, climbing seems the obvious choice but…” Priyanka took a look around. “I should tell you I worked here a summer to pay for my car and I know where they keep the spare key.”

“No way…” She gaped. “Wait, were you going to make me climb it on purpose?”

“I should’ve pushed harder just to see how serious you were about it.”

Lemon pushed her lightly.

“Hey! I’m the one getting you the key.” And with that said, Priyanka reached for the hidden key behind a loose brick. “Magic words?”

“Open Sesame?”

“Close enough.” She unlocked the gate and both got into the enclosure.

The green lights were on and it gave the pool a different appearance than what they were used to, everything was tinted under the bulb. The water of the rectangular swimming pool glowed in green. Even they looked fluorescent underneath it.

It smelled like chlorine and summer night.

“They use this color to keep away the insects… apparently it works.” The brunette pointed.

“This is so cool.” She walked around the edge of the pool. “This place hasn’t aged a single day.”

Lemon turned around with a naughty expression on her face. If it was possible, she looked even more beautiful while beaming.

“Are you coming or what?” She started unbuttoning her romper.

Priyanka ran out of words –something that didn’t happen that often but was becoming recurrent with Lemon-; the blonde surely wasn’t concerned they didn’t have swimsuits.

Lemon threw the piece of clothing away to where her sneakers were and jumped into the pool. The drops helped Priyanka to snap out of her rapture, she hurried to take off her dress and get rid of her shoes, once on her underwear she joined the other girl on the water.

She closed her eyes while she was in the air, it all happened in one second, she was floating and then her body impacted on the surface making a big splash, the water wasn’t cold but the temperature difference hit her to the core and made her feel alive. She touched the bottom of the pool and held her breath until her lungs demanded fresh air. Priyanka re-emerged and it took her a moment to get used to it. Her hair was completely soaked, her face was cover in drops and her makeup was ruined but she couldn’t care less.

Lemon had the biggest smile on her face the moment she opened her eyes, her hair had gotten entangled with the bobby pins and she had pushed it back making it look slick.

“So you were too good for a lake but a pool that a thousand kids use is better?”

The blonde threw water to her face.

“Hey!”

“I like this better… fewer people.”

“More like no people at all.”

“Exactly.” She floated around as if she was on a cloud.

“You said you dreamt about this… do you dream about me often?”

Lemon threw more water at her.

“Stop doing that to dodge my questions.” Priyanka swam around.

“I’m not going to answer them anyway.” Lemon giggled.

For a moment they floated in silence under the moon, under the artificial green light, their ears -as most of their bodies- were under the water blocking any sound aside from the movements inside, the way their hands created tiny waves, and how their heartbeats sounded. Priyanka’s kept beating loud enough to compete with a drum.

She stared at her friend and knew she wasn’t going to have another chance like that.

“Lemon…” She called.

“Huh?” The blonde stood up. “What is it?”

“I need to tell you something.” Her mouth was dry; she was shaking under the water. “I-”

At that moment an alarm went on, probably activated by a timed motion sensor.

“Oh shit,” Priyanka shouted. “We have to go. These people know me.”

“Oh my God…” The blonde’s eyes were full of terror.

They rushed to get out of the pool and grab their clothes before dashing out of the place.

“They didn’t have an alarm when I worked here,” Priyanka complained; her pulse racing as they left the pool and jumped back into her car.

The scene was ridiculous, all the dogs of the neighborhood were barking, the alarm kept ringing, Lemon was laughing out loud, Priyanka couldn’t find her keys and they were still in their wet underwear.

“Found them!” The brunette announced and turned on the engine.

She drove a few blocks until they were far enough from the pool and then parked because she couldn’t get to calm down. Lemon had her hand pressed against her chest; they were in the same euphoric state.

They exchanged a glance and burst into laughter at the same time.

“Oh my…”

“That was crazy…” Priyanka rested her head against the header. “I’m still shaking.” Her body was dripping over the seat.

“I know… I can’t believe we just did that.” Lemon took a deep breath. “My heart is beating so fast I might get into cardiac arrest.”

“Right? My hands are trembling… I don’t know how I got to drive this distance, to be honest.”

“Adrenaline, probably. Do you think they have cameras or something?”

Priyanka became pale. “I hope no, they know my parents.”

This made Lemon laugh again.

“Oh, you think it’s funny little rebel?” She poked the blonde’s arm.

“Wait, don’t do that, it makes me ticklish.” She kept laughing.

“You really shouldn’t have said that.” Priyanka automatically started tickling her.

“Stop! Stop!” Lemon kept giggling until she grabbed both of the girl’s wrists with her hands.

Suddenly, they were staring at each other in silence and daringly close. Priyanka hadn’t noticed how transparent their garments had become until that instant or how gorgeous she looked even when the messy hair and bare face.

Lemon wetted her lips as she let go softly. “What were you saying earlier? When we were in the pool…”

“Ah, that… well…” Priyanka took a deep breath, maybe the moment wasn’t gone yet, she still felt a bit courageous.

But then they heard the police sirens of a car passing by –maybe it wasn’t for them but they were still paranoid- so the best was to get out there and return to Priyanka’s house.

Lemon sighed loudly. She covered with the romper, shivering a little.

They were a red light from their destination when the brunette noticed the seats were going to be wet.

“Shit, I’ll have to take the car to the car wash or I’ll have to dry the seats with a hairdryer.”

“You’re taking care of it now?”

“I… actually sold my car this morning,” Priyanka announced.

“What? Okay, first of all, someone’s paying you real money for this? And secondly, I thought you loved this piece of trash.”

“Rude. You’d be surprised about how much I’m getting for it. Some rich lady named Jimbo –yes, that’s her name- wanted to buy it and she paid enough to cover the repairs done.” She held the steering wheel tightly. “And… I do love this car but… I think it’s time to move on to something else. I asked Jimbo if I could take her to one last adventure before handing the keys and I’m glad it’s with you.”

“Oh.” That was all she said.

The car stopped. They had arrived.

“Now, let’s get inside and find some towels.”

“Sure.” She mumbled.

Priyanka gave Lemon a towel and let the girl get dry before putting her clothes back on. The brunette did the same and then they drank some tea her mother had left ready for them. The hot beverage helped them recover the temperature on their bodies and left them feeling warm inside.

“I have your jacket in the trunk of my car… the one you lend me the lake day.”

“Ah, right… I forgot you had it.”

“Well, it helped me not to freeze to death.”

“It wasn’t that cold.”

“Penguin’s butt.”

“Stop saying that.”

“I’ll go get your jacket and be right back.” She pointed at the door and walked out.

Priyanka got a full moment alone and she cursed herself for a full minute.

“Idiot, you’re fucking it up again… She’s leaving and you didn’t tell her a thing or two…”

She shook her head. Lemon was leaving and maybe it was for the best that she hadn’t confessed her feelings. What was the point? They were going different ways again…

Lemon crossed the door. “Here.” She handed the piece of clothing. “Thank you or whatever.”

“You’re welcome.” She threw the jacket over the sofa. “So listen… Uh…”

She stared at her friend. Lemon was breathtaking, every detail of her face was worth being drawn, portrayed, traced… Even the little eyelash resting comfortably on her cheek.

“You have a…” She pointed at her face.

“Uh? What? Is it a bug?” She started touching her cheeks.

“No, just an eyelash… Wait… let me…” She shortened the distance and tenderly brushed the lash off her face.

Lemon’s breathing tickled her skin.

Priyanka stared at her clear eyes for a moment, she hadn’t noticed her hand was still on her cheek.

“Sorry, I got it.” She announced showing the tiny lash on her fingertip.

Lemon smiled at her. “I should leave now… I need to drive early in the morning to avoid the traffic and I should get some sleep.”

“Yeah… I suppose.”

She hoped the disappointment in her voice wasn’t noticeable.

“Pri?”

“Uhm?”

“I’m glad that we’re okay now. Not having you in my life for the past seven years was awful. Let’s not fight again, yeah?” She held her pinky finger in the air. “I promise I won’t break this one.”

“Lemon, you’ll always be part of my life.”

Priyanka sealed the promise with her pinky and then hugged her friend.

Her heartbeats were so loud she was scared Lemon might hear them.

Priyanka opened the door.

“My car is at the end of the street, I can walk from here.”

“Do you want me to walk you there?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m fine… I’ll call you from New York as soon as I get there.”

“Yes, do that.” She took a deep breath. “Bye, love you…”

“Love you too.” Lemon blew a kiss in the air.

Priyanka closed the door. She couldn’t watch her leave again.

She started climbing the stairs. Her heart was supposed to be at peace –they were friends again- but she wasn’t happy about it… Lemon was leaving her again and words couldn’t describe how much Priyanka hated the fact there wasn’t something she could do.

Her dad almost bumped into her when she was lost in her thoughts.

“Hey pumpkin, be careful.” He was in his pajamas and a robe.

“Sorry, dad. I was thinking… too much.”

“You always do.” He patted her back. “Did your friend leave already?”

Priyanka nodded. “She has to go back to her home tomorrow morning.”

Her father frowned. “And you two are not spending more time together? You two used to be… joined by the hip? You cried whenever we went to pick you up from her house or when she left.”

Priyanka chuckled. “I remember… yeah…”

“I always thought you two…” He didn’t finish the sentence. “You were truly inseparable.”

She was trying to understand what he was truly saying.

He stared at her.

“And? Don’t stand there looking at me… go.”

“Dad? Are you…?”

He squeezed her shoulder. “It took me some more time but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to be happy.”

Priyanka felt her eyes getting watery. She hugged her father tightly.

“We can do this later; your mother is going to kill me if I tell her that you left that girl go.”

“Right…” Priyanka shook her head.

“Go!”

She ran downstairs almost flying over them.

Her father was right.

Her best friend.

The girl she loved.

What the hell was she doing there?

She had to get the girl!

Priyanka opened the door violently.

“Lemon. Lemon!” She yelled but the girl wasn’t on the street. Who cared if she woke some neighbors up? “Lemon!”

Was her car still at the end of the street?

“Oh, hey there…” A voice came from the porch.

Priyanka turned around and noticed the blonde sitting in one corner next to the door.

“Lemon, what are you doing there?”

She was sitting holding her knees against her chest. Priyanka got closer and kneeled next to her.

“I’m waiting to get some courage to knock on your door again and hopefully I’ll be brave enough then to tell you…” She looked at Priyanka in the eye, the words didn’t come.

“Tell me what?” Priyanka asked, desperate.

“That…” She bit her lips. “Forget it, I can’t ruin it… I can’t lose you again.” She was babbling to herself. Then she looked at Priyanka again. “Sorry, I’m just going to leave…”

She stood up and started walking fast.

“Lemon!”

She didn’t turn back. Priyanka stood up and grabbed her by the wrist, making the blonde face her. The tears were already rolling down her cheeks.

“I can’t let my friend walk away while being sad…”

There was a pause, they stared at each other.

“Am I really just your friend?” She finally cried out.

She hadn’t let go of her hand yet.

“No. You’re not… I mean, we used to be friends but…”

The moment… their moment was now or never… she had screwed it up before but she wasn’t going to let it slip again.

“I’m in love with you.” The words sprouted from her chest. “I’m in love with you.” She repeated accentuating every syllable.

“That’s my line,” Lemon complained, faithful to her character.

“Wait… is it? I mean, are you?”

“I’ve loved you all my life, you idiot.” The blonde was suddenly full of anger. “I can’t believe this… why didn’t you say something before?”

“When you say all your life…”

“Oh, for goodness sake… Priyanka I’ve never loved anyone else since that day in kindergarten when you shared your cookies with me and that’s embarrassing.”

“And why didn’t you say something?”

“You didn’t say it either!”

“Because I thought you just wanted to be friends with me!”

“Are you blind? I’ve been trying for days for you to notice… and that day on the stupid lake I really thought you were going to kiss me but you didn’t and then you said that it was never going to happen between us…”

“You heard that?”

“Of fucking course I did… And I cried for hours because I thought my chance was… gone forever… but tonight… I thought, maybe tonight… maybe… but you said those things about moving on to something new… and the last adventure with me…”

“I was talking about my car! You’re not a car… It’s not a metaphor, you know? I’m bad at metaphorical speech.” They were yelling.

“How would I know? You pick the worst moments to say things like those…”

“I said those things on the lake because I thought you wanted to be just friends with me and I didn’t want to make it awkward and I sold my car not because I don’t love it anymore… I did it because it’s old and I cannot travel anymore in that state… I can’t go visiting you with that car.”

“But you said…” Lemon’s bottom lip trembled.

“I know what I said but, after the past couple of days, I realized that, yes, I’ve grown up… I’ve changed but I’m still the same. I still like pop songs from the ’90s, I still like chocolate chip cookies in any existing form, I still like going on adventures, and, most importantly, I still like you… a lot.”

“You… I’m so mad at you…” She got rid of her grip. “I’m literally fuming, you are…” She stared at her brown eyes. “You’re the worst and…”

Before she could finish that sentence, Priyanka shortened the distance, grabbed her face, and planted a kiss on her lips, partially to shut her up and mostly because she had wanted to do that for so long. Lemon relaxed as soon as their lips touched as if her will to fight had abruptly disappeared.

It wasn’t her first kiss, it was a kiss that didn’t compare with the ones before but it would be the parameter for all the ones that would come after. It was a kiss that made other kisses seem insignificant and a kiss that rose up the standards forever.

Lemon smelled like chlorine and summer crush and she tasted like lip-gloss and warm tea. Priyanka entangled her fingers on her hair and pulled her even closer to the point their bodies were merging in a tight embrace.

“So you were saying,” Priyanka whispered when they reached for air.

“Shut up and kiss me again or I’m going to keep finding things to be mad at you.”

And Priyanka –gladly- did it.

They kissed some more while sitting on the porch until their lips were swollen and lightly numbed and then sat cozily with their legs entangled, stars above their heads and singing crickets on the ground. Priyanka thought she could get used to it.

Except, she didn’t have time to.

“Do you really have to go back tomorrow?” She asked, pinching Lemon lightly on her arm.

“I can delay it until Monday but… I have to be back next week for the dancing schedule.”

“Oh… I understand…”

They could have one more day then.

“But,” She began connecting her thoughts. “maybe there’s an alternative…”

“What do you mean?” Priyanka was puzzled.

“I don’t want to go back alone so… what do you say if you come with me to New York? You said you wanted to visit me there someday… why not now? You’re still on your break, aren’t you?”

“Yeah… I am…”

“Jan can stay with Jackie for a couple of days and you can stay with me…”

“Are you serious right now? Do you really want me to go with you?”

“Unless you want to stay with your family for what’s left of your break… I’d understand it.” She shrugged.

“You know what? I have the feeling that my folks are already done with my shenanigans…”

“I mean, who isn’t?”

“One would think that you’d act differently after having someone’s tongue down your throat.”

“Think again.”

“Anyway… Yes. I’ll go back with you.”

The blonde beamed.

“Great, so I can pick you up tomorrow before noon? You’ll need to pack and stuff.”

“I’m ahead of you… I never finished unpacking.”

“You’re actually the worst, did you know?”

“But you still like me.”

Lemon’s reply was to press a quick peck on her lips before she could say something else.

“And…? What happened afterward?” Denali was on the edge of her seat, she could see it even through the computer screen.

“Well… things were alright for a couple of days but then we realized that it was kind of awkward between us and we decided we’re better as friends.” Priyanka shrugged and spun a little on the chair.

“What?!” The other girl’s mouth dropped to the floor. “Are you kidding me right now?”

She shook her head, dead serious. “I guess it wasn’t meant to be after all.”

Denali’s eyes were like a pair of plates.

“Hey, I brought some coffee… Priyanka, are you still telling people we broke up?” Lemon’s voice broke the silence.

“Oh my God… I hate you so much right now…” She buried her face in her hands.

“Gotcha! I can’t believe you fell for that… Kiara, Juice… even Scarlett was dumb enough to believe it.”

Priyanka laughed her head off.

“Our friendship is officially over. Hi Lemon! How are you, my dancing diva?”

The blonde stood up in front of the camera almost pushing her girlfriend away. “Hi, Dee… I’m doing alright.” Her voice was melodic. “What’s up with you?”

“Just here, catching up with your awful girlfriend.”

“She scared the hell out of you, didn’t she?”

“First she leaves in a hurry without telling anyone and now she’s spreading some fake information… No… It’s a no for me.”

“Don’t worry, we’re actually –surprisingly- doing fine.”

“Hey, what do you mean by «surprisingly»?” The brunette hugged her from behind.

“Aw, you guys are so cute.” She smiled at them. “Wait, so you’re in New York now?”

“Yep, I’m staying for a couple more days and then I’m taking a plane back to Toronto.”

“And I’ll be visiting her there for the holidays in a couple of months.”

“Whoa, you have it figured out already.”

“And I didn’t forget that you have a competition here soon, I’ll definitely be here with you.”

“That’s great! I’m glad to hear it. Sure, oh… we’re going to have so much fun…”

“My friends are dying to meet you if you know what I mean.” Lemon winked.

“I can’t wait.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Listen, I’d love to chat some more but if I don’t go to practice there won’t be a competition to hoe around.”

They chuckled.

“Thank you for calling, Nali. I miss you already!”

“Miss you too, see you soon guys.” She blew a kiss in the air. “Bye-bye.”

“Bye!” They waved at the camera before ending the call.

“You’re so annoying sometimes…” Lemon kissed her quickly after saying that. She had a cup of coffee in her hands. “So… do you think this is going to work? At the distance and everything?”

Priyanka held her tightly in her arms making the girl sit on her lap. “I know we’re going to make it work somehow and… you know I’m graduating soon so maybe –just maybe- I could start applying for some internship here…?”

The blonde stared at her. “Really?”

“Don’t get too excited yet… I still have to do some things over there and I might take a while but…”

Lemon almost dropped her cup of coffee when she hugged her even closer.

“That would be… Pri… I’ve said it before but… I love you.” The same words acquired a new meaning in a different context.

Priyanka’s heart was full.

“I love you too.”

Priyanka kissed her forehead and let their words linger in the air. They were in a tiny student apartment in a big city, miles away from their hometown but they were together at last, at the only place they had always called home.

Maybe it was true, maybe we always come back to the place where we were happy.

And they were the living proof of it.

The end.

[highgaarden]

The One Where Caroline Rides A Horse And The Salvatores Win Top Chef

many moons ago, i was lucky enough to be involved in a massive writing ficathon project with a handful of absolutely talented writers. i stumbled upon it by chance when i was traversing my dusty, abandoned livejournal, laughed to myself way too many times, and decided that i simply must share it here. so without further ado...

Title | A Chinese Whispers Fic; Or, The One Where Caroline Rides A Horse And The Salvatores Win Top Chef Authors | catteo, swirlsofblue, cranmers, jane_wanderlust, kwritten, bogwitch, kachera, steph2311, ovariesofsteel, nereemac, lizwontcry, jeremy_finch, elenarain and waltzmatildah Artist | pamsblau Fandom | The Vampire Diaries Characters/Pairings | Rebekah, Damon, Stefan, Caroline, Klaus, Elijah, Finn, Bonnie, Elena, Jeremy, Katherine, Alaric (Klaus/Caroline, Rebekah/Damon, Katherine/Jeremy, Bonnie/Finn) Rating | MA Word Count | 10000 Summary | This fic was written by a team of authors who were only given the several hundred most recently written words to work from each time they added a new section. It doesn’t make sense, it’s not supposed to make sense! It’s supposed to be crack, and it is! Crack, glorious crack! The title says it all, really… .

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ONE: The Part Where Caroline Rides A Horse And Rebekah Rides Damon

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The clock on the kitchen wall tells him it’s four twenty seven. AM or PM is anyone’s guess as the little hand fails to tick a languid journey around the circular face. Damon makes a brief mental note: must buy batteries. Amends: rechargeable batteries. From the inky black that still shrouds the windows, drapes pulled slightly askew as he wanders back into the living room, he guesses the harsh light of morning remains hours out of reach. He takes to cataloguing the damage done as a means to pass the time. A resounding crack in the plasterboard where his shoulder-blades had connected roughly with a support beam. Jagged fragments of vase and lamp and picture frame, shattered, confetti-like, along the length of one hallway. He winces as he bends to collect the larger shards. Notes he can no longer tell the Ming from the Portland and offers up a soft sigh of relief that they’d only been replicas of the real things. There’s a dent in a silver serving tray that looks suspiciously like the curve of Rebekah’s ass. Which is odd because he doesn’t remember them making it as far as the liquor cabinet. Which is empty so… Hmm. Okay. ------ “What are you doing?” He double-takes at the sight of her, naked and dishevelled at the base of the staircase. Imagines glass shards pricking at the soles of her feet and shudders at the inevitability of bloodstains on his oriental carpets. “I’m vacuuming.” His reply swallowed by the airy roar of the device’s motor. “It’s the middle of the night.” He doesn’t really see her point. Tells her. “I don’t really see your point.” “Come to bed.” Which is funnier than it should be but only because, by the smell of her, she’s been rolling around between Stefan’s sheets since they parted ways at the top of the stairs. Naked and breathless and, admittedly, kind of sore. Jesus. “We could have sex again,” she offers. As though she can read his mind. And he must admit, the thought of fucking an Original in his brother’s bed is seven levels of tempting, but… “I’m vacuuming.” Because this mess won’t clean itself up. And it’s not like he can trust anyone else to do it for him. At least, not properly… She pouts, but then… “I’ve never used one of those before…” ------ With a degree of reluctance that is only almost embarrassing, he finds himself handing over control. And when exactly was it that he became this person? This person that could enthusiastically share cleaning tips with his naked sexual conquests. He thinks there must be something about this particular one and the almost wistful way in which she’d regarded the newest member of his collection. The Dyson DC39. Purchased especially because Ric has allergies… Also, the lifetime (heh) HEPA filter warranty and the latest in Radial Cyclone technologies had also been a top selling point. But she’s not quite doing it right he notes. Her sweeping motion with the nozzle entirely too haphazard to ensure optimum debris collection. And he arcs his chest around her bare back then, slides one arm along the length of hers and grips the handle just below where her fingers are tightly entwined. Guides the head of the cleaner into a more fluid motion that is easier to maintain. “Oh,” he hears her whisper. Soft against the side of his neck. “I think I understand it now…” Which is lucky. Because that’s the moment Caroline chooses to ride in. ------ “Is that a - ”No. Ridiculous, he thinks. I’m obviously drunk. Vaguely, he feels his grip loosen on Rebekah’s hand. Notes out of the corner of his eye that she keeps up the fluid, efficient motion he’d taught her moments ago but is too busy gaping at Vampire Barbie 2.0 sitting atop her rather large black horse. Side-saddle, he notes. As if it matters. “Yes. It is a horse. No, you’re not drunk.” She rolls her eyes. “Okay, maybe you are drunk. But this is still me. On a horse.” “In my living room.” Ask him later, and he’ll tell you this is the most hilarious scenario to be part of in almost a century. Right now he’s too busy thinking about the possibility of the animal making a mess on his new Persian rug. Because there is no other logical action that he can think of, Damon rubs a hand over his face and heads for the liquor cabinet. He’s almost there when he remembers it’s disappointingly empty. Luckily, he remembers he keeps a bottle hidden in his room especially for the rare instance in which he runs out downstairs. “Excuse me.” He doesn’t wait for an answer before speeding up the stairs. “Nice ass, Damon!” “Bite me, blondie!” ------- A still naked Rebekah continues vacuuming as if nothing awkward has happened. “Well. I see Niklaus is going for big and bold. He always did seem to overcompensate.” Caroline laughs, despite herself. “What the hell am I supposed to do with a horse? And why are you naked?” “That’s rather obvious, isn’t it? You ride it. Which works as an answer for both questions, doesn’t it?” “But I have nowhere to keep a horse. Or money to pay someone else to keep it for me. Or the desire to own a horse! They’re pretty, yes, but that’s it! When your crazy sociopath hybrid brother asked me if I liked the horse I was looking at, I didn’t think it was so he could make up his mind to buy me one!” The Original gives up on the vacuum when she hears the younger blonde’s hysterics. Notes, rather proudly, that she’s managed to make the carpet look quite like new. “Caroline, this happens to be a very beautiful horse. You happen to look fabulous riding it, as much as it pains me to say, but if neither of those things matter to you, then just give it back.” A rather loud plop, followed by a rather strong odour, serves to punctuate Rebekah’s words of wisdom. ------ Rebekah rolls her eyes as she realises that it doesn’t matter how proficient she is at naked housework, the Persian rug is done for. Damon’s going to be furious. He still hasn’t gotten over Stefan’s sorority girls breaking his crystal decanter during a particularly vigorous game of ‘Twister’ last month. Apparently he was saving it for an especially significant dramatic moment. She realises she’s probably going to have to keep him occupied. Also, she really needs to find out what ‘Twister’ is. “Where are you going? You can’t leave me!” Caroline’s looking a little wild around the eyes. Rebekah wrinkles her nose in distaste as she navigates her way around the rug. “I’m going to distract Damon. You should probably get rid of this. And maybe that.” She gestures vaguely towards the horse. “No hurry. We’ll be a while. I’m sure that Nik would be only too happy to keep you…” She pauses a beat. “Busy.” She blurs upstairs to the sound of Caroline’s new horse snorting in perfect tandem to Caroline herself. Rebekah gives a passing thought to the parquet floors as she goes – manure is so tough to remove from wood. She’s spared any further rumination on the finer points of housekeeping by Damon, wrapping his arm around her waist and tackling her to the bed. “God, you’re sexy when you vacuum.” Damon lifts an eyebrow, pouts slightly, picks up a twenty-five year aged malt and slowly pours it over her body. Busies himself for the next twenty minutes licking it off. It’s the most fun Rebekah’s had since she learned that vinegar could remove lime-scale. Damon’s teaching her a lot. Her back arches as Damon buries a head between her legs, fangs bared. She forgets all about housework. ------ Meanwhile, downstairs, Caroline is finding that there are a lot of things that a horse won’t do. Make a tight turn in a crowded sitting room for example. There are all kinds of things trodden into the carpet and she decides that it’s probably best to leave whilst she still can. The last thing she needs is an irate Damon sprinting down the stairs. The back view was quite enough to be coping with for one day. Besides, she has an original hybrid to deal with. She aims the horse towards the French doors and discovers, as they crash through a window, that the steering is nowhere near as good as her Dodge. She’s not sure if the screaming coming from Damon’s room is pleasure or fury. Decides not to stick around to find out. She flicks the reigns and feels a thrill rush through her as muscles bunch and flow under her, racing towards Klaus’ tastefully renovated home. READ MORE ON LJ

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: Perpetual Adoration (5x05)

Honestly, this episode felt kind of disjointed to me. Several of the pieces were good, but the picture they made in the end was less than it should have been.

Cons:

I enjoyed, in theory, the flashbacks to Claire back in the twentieth century. We see a story of her losing a patient, Graham Menzies, because of an allergic reaction to penicillin. His death shakes her bad enough that she decides to go on a trip to London with Brianna, which leads to her crossing paths with Roger, and ultimately finding her way back to Jamie. The main issue I had here was the strange way the scenes were arranged. In the "behind the scenes" section of the episode they talk about how they had filmed the scenes in order but ended up rearranging them in editing, and honestly that doesn't surprise me to hear. We see Claire attending the Perpetual Adoration and talking to the priest, before we hear Graham explain what it means to him. I'm not sure why they did this - not only is it unnecessarily complicated from a narrative standpoint, but the scene with the priest is stronger, with the overt message of people never being lost if they are not forgotten. It should have come later anyway.

Also, while I liked the flashbacks, or at least parts of them, I was annoyed at how much focus they pulled from the story proper. Sure, it's fun to see Joe Abernathy again, etc. But the scene with Joe and Kezzie having surgery, Claire and Marsali discovering the penicillin... those are moments I wanted to linger on much more, and it's a bummer they were so brief.

I'll talk in a minute about Jamie's plot thread, which I thought was quite strong, but I did feel like the opening part, where Fergus and Jamie walk in and Knox is there, was kind of odd. Last week there was such a sense of the militia as this unit of people, and this week they were all but absent, with Jamie and Knox getting all the screen time. I could have used a bit more of a sense of the group of men, their dynamics, how they're feeling after everything that went down in Brownsville.

I try so hard to care about Roger and Brianna. Sometimes I manage it, but their fight about Bonnet was really just - disheartening to watch. It's not even that I don't care at all, it's more just that it's dour and unpleasant and it sucks. Roger being upset with Brianna for telling her rapist that her baby is his... like, who am I meant to feel sympathy for in this scene? Because I certainly don't feel it for Roger. Then there's Roger saying that because Bonnet's not dead, they'll need to go through the stones right away, and Brianna gets this conflicted look on her face, like she's still not sure that's what she wants. I'm already exhausted with this dynamic, and I didn't think I would be. I think part of the problem is that I know from the books that they don't leave yet. Who knows, maybe they change things wildly from book canon, but I kind of doubt it.

Pros:

So, while I had my problems with the flashbacks, ultimately I enjoyed seeing Claire in this twentieth century setting, and her voice-over worked really, really well here. Outlander's use of voice-over has been inconsistent, but it's best employed when it's being used to convey a theme or philosophy instead of simply narrating events. Here, we have Claire ruminating on the nature of time, and how that relates to God. It's an excellent theme. We see how in the sterile, "safe" environment of the 1960's, a patient dies senselessly because of an undetected allergy. Meanwhile in the past, Claire is playing God by creating penicillin far before its time, and she uses it to perform successful surgery. Her foreknowledge and skill can and will create a ripple effect, and it's definitely one of the core themes I love to see Outlander explore.

Plus, the actor playing Graham Menzies was genuinely charming, and it was nice to see Claire have a chance to grieve Jamie in a more conventional sense. It's heartbreaking to think about how her original grief for Jamie was subsumed as she tried to be a wife to Frank and a mother to Bree. But decades later, with Frank dead and Brianna grown, she can start to process some of her feelings. She also ends up on the path that leads her back to him, so it all ends up for the best. Also, they brought in the romance novel thing! That's one of my favorite details from the book. Fun to see Joe again!

While Roger and Brianna's scenes left me feeling a little cold, I don't fundamentally dislike these characters. Roger shines brightest when he's focusing on his fish-out-of-water status. He's self-conscious about failing Jamie as a captain, and I really feel for him there. Also, I liked Roger and Claire's scene. They have a more natural chemistry as scene partners than he has with Brianna, and I think that's because Caitriona Balfe is a stronger actress. He compares his situation with Jemmy's unclear paternity, to Claire's decision to hide the truth of Brianna's parentage from her, and I thought that was really interesting, and made for a much better exploration of the situation than we got between Brianna and Roger.

Once again we're seeing how Murtagh continuing to exist in this timeline is changing things for Jamie. I really do go back and forth on whether I like his continued presence, but this week it really worked. Jamie's loyalty, and his decision about when to create a clear line in the sand, is one of the driving forces of this whole story-line. And having Murtagh there, having him be the specific source of Knox's search, adds a personal stake here that I think was definitely missing from the book. I like how in the book, Jamie is basically just trying to play the middle and wait for the right moment to declare himself a rebel, to ensure that he and his family end up on the winning side. It's interesting to watch him navigate that aspect of it. But here, his principles are more directly tangled up in things. His loyalty to Murtagh obviously outweighs his coerced loyalty to the crown!

I also like how Knox seems to really admire Jamie and feel a real sense of kinship with him. Jamie is more reserved, saying what he thinks Knox wants to hear, but I also think Jamie is somewhat genuinely moved by Knox's admiration for him. It was obviously pretty brutal watching Jamie kill him, especially after Knox's horrified realization of Jamie's relationship to Murtagh. Knox isn't a character I necessarily sympathize with, but it was hard not to wince when I saw his life come to end. For Jamie's sake, if nothing else.

So, with evidence of Jamie's true allegiance burned, and Knox dead, Jamie returns to the Ridge with a new friend for Claire - a tiny fuzzy kitten named Adso! This is a different way for the cat to make his entrance than what happens in the books, but hey. I'm still thrilled to see him!

At the end of the day, I'm not sure how to grade this episode. There were things about it I truly enjoyed, but others that frustrated me. We are five episodes in now, and these seasons aren't exactly very long. How am I going to feel about the shape of season five as a whole, when all is said and done? That remains to be seen!

7/10

[rayroute-clear-saeran-text-sound]

BRO I WANT A MYSTIC MESSENGER SHIP!!!! You already know my name! I always tell everyone that I am a mixture of a dolphin and lin Manuel miranda: talented but I don't shut up. Big musical energy with every genre of music imaginable. I love food and going to cool places and Disneyland! Movies are also a big yes for me (specifically marvel, star wars, disney, pixar!) I love art and am planning on getting a major in graphic design! I've been told that I am very positive and can get along with anyone

Aye, that’s my best friend!! I included details that you didn’t put down, because I love you <333 

I pair you with Zen!

He was enraptured by your positivity, and knew immediately that he was going to be in love with you. He was super impressed with your ability to get along with Jumin, even if you didn’t like him, yet at the same time, super pissed and jealous. 

 Adding on to that, he was equally happy and irritated that you got along so well with the rest of the RFA. He knows deep down that you only have eyes for him, but he’s still very insecure about it. He’s a majorly jealous guy. 

 He is absolutely glad that you share his hatred for cats. Although it may be for a different reason than his allergy, he is so thrilled that you will decline cat-related guests and try to change the subject whenever talk drifts to anything in the realm of felines.

 He is fascinated by your art, and tries to get you to teach him at first, but decides that it’s a hopeless cause. He absolutely begs you for a painting for his birthday (of course it would be of himself, because what a narcissist), and probably cries when you give it to him. Once he receives it, he will absolutely not stop hugging and cuddling you for the rest of the day. Most likely, he hangs it front in center where he can stare at it and show it to anyone who visits.

 He will get you lots of graphic design jobs by putting your name and work out within his musical community, and eventually you get many job offers to design promotional posters for musicals. Some of them Zen star in, some have nothing to do with him. He knows you are capable of finding work without his help, but he wants you to have as many opportunities as possible, because he knows what it’s like to be starting out and struggling to force your way into the field.

 This mans doesn’t hate animals, but isn’t totally in love with them, either. He had never really been around horses before, and never thought he would be nervous around them at all. But, when you took him out to the barn, he was unexpectedly intimidated by them. Eventually, he grew used to them, and would probably even ask for you to teach him to ride (nothing complicated, just simple walk, trot, canter) after learning that it’s actually good excercise. He gets really annoyed whenever they snot and sneeze on him though.

 He could be convinced to get a dog, and whenever you were off staying the night visiting family or friends, he would cuddle with it as much as possible because it reminded him of you. Plus, he would take it out on runs with him whenever he couldn’t sway you to go.

 He knows that you hate running and hiking, which are two of his favorite hobbies. He’ll try his best to get you to go on walks, maybe even a run or hike if you’re really feeling generous. He rarely succeeds, but when he does, he’s usually met with complaints throughout the activity. 

 He absolutely cherishes the chill nights he spends with you watching movies on weekends. Although you both love your friends in the RFA, you haven’t exactly been innocent of cancelling plans with the group on Friday nights to stay home for cuddles and film. He always teases you for your youthful taste in movies, but deep down those are some of his favorites, too. 

 If you two ever showered together, it would be 100% just singing show tunes together. Broadway is his passion, and he was even more smitten with you when he discovered that it was yours too. His favorite to perform with you is Something Rotten, because not only do you get super into it, but he loves the aesthetic and vibes of that musical. Whenever you two sing God I Hate Shakespeare, he is totally thinking about Jumin the entire time and you think it’s hilarious.

 He knows he could never be as good as Alex Brightman in your eyes, but desperately wants to be at least your second favorite musical actor. At first he was jealous, but eventually just gave up and accepted it as reality. You made him promise that if he ever did a show with Alex Brightman, he would get him to meet you.

 He secretly has a fund that he puts a little bit of money into every month in order to save up to take you to Disneyland. He knows you’re obsessed with the place, and since he’s never been, he knows that you’d be the best tour guide. He loves all the rides, especially the ones that go fast, bonus points if they remind him of riding his motorcycle.

 You had to give him a full on lecture of the importance and greatness of food. The minute you discovered that the only thing he had in his fridge was beer and the occasional convinience store salad, you knew there needed to be a change. He constantly reprimanded you about some of your food choices not being healthy for the skin, but after weeks of ignoring those comments, he decided that they weren’t doing any good. He tried to cook for you, but was really bad at it.

 He could never be convinced to go to any of your favorite fast food places, such as Taco Bell, so you would have to go with Yoosung or Seven if you wanted to go with company. Seven was always down to go, but you would tire a little of Zen bombarding you with questions about if Seven did anything weird afterwards. However, Zen loved going to Whole Foods with you. The two of you could spend hours in there.

 You would always introduce him to new music, and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He often wanted you to make him playlists, and you were always happy to oblige. One of his guilty pleasures was Fifth Harmony, and once you caught that you would not let it go. Whenever you didn’t have guests, the two of you would perform your hearts out to those songs. Zen insisted that you could have a career on stage if you wanted it, but you declined immediately every time.

 If the two of you knew you would be having a late night, or if you guys just couldn’t sleep, you would pull up bootleg musicals on the tv and watch them together all night. You two would sometimes watch the bootlegs of his own musicals, which would spark old memories from him, and he would begin to tell stories of crazy interactions with the cast and crew of those shows. You would have to beg him to play his oldest content, such as his debut in Thai’s Tea Leaf and Cube World. He would cringe at his old performances from his teenage years, and although you would poke fun at him for a little bit, by the end you were showering him in love and affection. Your favorite thing was to play Seven’s video that got Zen famous in the first place.

 The two of you always praise each other all the time. It eventually will escalate to a full blown war of love and affection, and at some points it would get so extreme that the rest of the RFA would have to step in. You two were each other’s biggest fans, and would make sure the other knew it. Zen treats you like a goddess at all times, absolutely no exceptions. 

 He would make an attempt at quitting smoking if you asked him to, and would try so hard. He loves you more than anything, and understood that it was for his own health. 

 He wants to show you off always. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he wants everyone to know not only that you are his, but that he is yours. Lots of PDA, this boy can’t help it. Nothing too intense, but lots of handholding and cheek/forehead kisses because he can’t contain himself.

“This couch isn’t big enough for the two of you! Why are you even here?” Zen raised his voice, desperately trying to drag Seven and Yoosung off of your couch. You only watched from the safety of the wall, stifling laughter.

“Because we know you two have been cancelling plans to watch movies! So, we figured we’d have to invite ourselves over for movie night if we ever wanted to see you again.” The redhead rolled his eyes, making himself comfortable. It was clear that he had no intentions of leaving anytime soon.

“I could report you for breaking and entering, you know.” Zen grumbled, while you sighed and put the movie in, knowing that you would be joined by two extra guests that night.

“But you won’t.” Seven stretched out even more, pulling Zen down next to him. “Move, it’s starting.” Infinity War began blaring through the speakers as you made your way back to the couch, not even caring who was with you as long as Zen was there and you got to watch Marvel and see Chris Pratt on screen. 

“Oh sorry, Elise. There’s not room here. Yoosung, Seven, one of you two idiots, move to the floor-”

“It’s fine!” You smiled as you interrupted him, but it was a troublesome smile. The kind of smile that Zen had come to learn would result in mischief. 

“Are you sure? Because there isn’t any room to sit down right now.” He looked at you, red eyes filled with caution while Yoosung was immersed in the beginning of the movie. Only Seven seemed to be aware of the situation, and was smirking while trying to hide a chuckle.

“Sure there is!” You were able to make yourself a seat without kicking anyone off the couch by planting yourself right in Zen’s lap, leaning back against him knowingly. Although you couldn’t see it, you knew his face was bright red. If it were just the two of you, he wouldn’t have cared in the slightest and would have even encouraged it, but the two dorks of the RFA were sitting beside you two.

“Elise, come on-” You held a finger up and shushed him.

“Zen, I swear if you interrupt Chris Pratt with a lecture on your ‘beast’ or whatever, you’re sleeping alone tonight.” That shut him up immediately, and he suffered through the entire two and a half hour long movie, despite his legs going numb halfway through.

[wanderawe]

Buffalo River Trail - A Story of  a Valiant Attempt

So, I haven't written much about the trip to Arkansas, even though it was a while ago now, and we still had a blast, because I was disappointed.

Just like a new beautiful journal with crisp clean pages, I feel like on this clean and clear blog I need to have something big and beautiful and IMPORTANT to say. I want to post only the best stories and successes because that's what we do online these days- we post the best stuff and pretend that's all there is. But oddly enough, I was having a conversation with a friend where we realized something we missed most about the "old internet" was that it wasn't all successes and prettiness, and clean modern templates around perfect Instagram-ready pictures. It was full of rambling blog posts, emo song lyrics, poorly put together HTML and terrifying random pictures of people doing unspeakable things with jars. It was messy and chaotic and that's what made it so cool.

So that's what I want to do. I want to bring back a little bit of what I nostalgically remember from the "old internet" excitement about things even when I'm not awesome at things, and honestly even when it's not flattering, just because it feels good to be honest like that.

So here's what happened in Arkansas, and why it was by no means a failure of a trip or vacation, but also not a big motivational success story.

We completed day 1, and made it to the landing in Ponca, and about half way to Steel Creek before calling in the troops to come get us.

So, because of super strict work black out periods this year for both myself and Dee, we had a very narrow window to go, which was early June. Really, according to the locals, fall and winter are the best times to go, and spring isn't terrible either if you don't mind some rain. Summer, is really no good because of many reasons, but about the LAST time to even bother is early June, so we just barely were able to make it in.

Before we get into all the reasons we only did the first day (spoiler), let’s talk about some awesome stuff on the trail: 

*Blackberries, everywhere, it was awesome. I am like the blackberry spotting and picking master. I swear I was eating the entire time and it was all beautiful blackberries. My hiking partners were very sick of hearing “ooh! Blackberries!” but I never got sick of saying it. The one picture I took though it not very representative of my haul

*It was gorgeous! Just look at this!

*I had the best time with my dad and partner. Super bonding experience

*Random little bits of magic like: 

What is this? It was up at the very top, at least a mile from anything vehicle accessible. There was no other clutter around it. It looked massive and heavy. How did it get there? Does anyone reading this happen to have any sort of insight into this? Please let me know!

*Ponca, where we hung out and waited for “rescue”, taking off our boots, playing in the water, comparing water filter speeds and drinking Gatorade. It was lovely. 

-One of the reasons for this is heat, but we're from Texas, and it was a good 10-15 degrees cooler on the trail than what we were training in. It was still really hot weather for my dad though, who also is of the old army mentality with heavy pants and boots, that we were only kind of able to trim down when we did the pre-trip shake down on him. We took a good 10 lbs off of his pack and gear, and he was still 7 lbs heavier than Dee or I with things he refused to let go of. It was a heavy load in hot weather.

-Bad Omens right away that played with our heads. This was not a comforting sign, although I’m glad it was there and we saw it. 

-Another reason is one that we did not have a full grasp of what it meant when people talked about "bugs" being an issue. Again, we're from Texas, we deal with mosquitoes all the time. Our clothes and gear were all treated with permethrin, we had bug spray - totally doable. But mosquitoes were not the "bugs" people were talking about.

-The "bugs" were ticks. Lots of them. OMG so many ticks. Every time we stopped I had to take my bag of to get them off of my hips and stomach where they had snuggled in under my hip belt. At one point Dee stopped me to swipe dozens of them off of the backs of my legs as we walked through some brush on an overgrown part of the trail.

-Follow up reason: How incredibly overgrown everything was. It was a good spring this year apparently, and this is not exactly a super popular trial with lots of foot traffic. EVERYTHING was overgrown with grass. EVERYTHING. Twice we lost the trail when it went into a large clearing of hip high grass to twist around, and we had to do some strategic splitting up and shouting at each other when we made it back to the tree line to try and find where the trail was.

-Follow up reason follow up: OMG Arkansas is so beautiful, and so green in the summer. Coming from dry South Texas, it is straight up SEDUCTIVE when you drive in to be surrounded on all sides at all times by so much tall green lushness. But there's a point though, when it's incredibly humid and you're worked up from a steep incline that it almost starts to feel claustrophobic. Then you finish a bunch of steep inclines up about 1000 ft and the view looks exactly the same as it did before you started climbing, and you can't help but lose perspective a little.

There was a point near the end, where over and over and over we would climb, and it would level out, and we would think we were at the top. Then it would go down, and we were thrilled, and then we would make it around that blind curve to find another climb and turn exactly like the one we had just finished. And without any landmarks on the horizon, they all started to look identical. I swear, I was SURE at one point that I had fallen into some crack in the space-time continuum, and was hiking the same mile of trail over and over in a circle and would be for the rest of time.

-Fitness: Dee and I are not stellar examples of in shape. We have a long way to go, and we're getting there by doing things. But we do train, and we do get out and do things of a physical, hiking and biking nature. We're also pretty used to walking around with our packs on. The trail is not incredibly hard, but there are times that you definitely need to stop and take a break before you can finish the thousandth climb of the day. My dad however did not seem to realize until we were on the trail just how much retiring from hunting people every day and training his dog as a K-9 officer and moving to the country side where he feeds some chickens and moves stuff around on his tractor trailer every day has changed his level of physical fitness. He was getting really shakey near the end. He was really self-conscious about it. I tried to exaggerate some huffing and puffing every now and then, and ask for a break when it looked like he needed on, and let me say, it got to my head. Acting tired made me feel even more tired. And there was a point where I crossed into that weird, exhausted, painful, beautiful bliss.

And that's when the group and I diverged a little. If it were just just one of these things, we could all deal. All of them together turned the trip from a fun adventure into a weird survivalist penance for modern day existence and comforts. I did not know this about myself but I DIG IT.

I mean, I love fun adventure too, but it was meditative for me to suffer in such beauty because I have allowed myself to become squishy on modern convenience and cleanliness and bug-free climate controlled indoors. It cleared my mind of all the bull that had left it so clouded in a humid exhausted wave. I was filled with nature and the physical world where walls were made of trees and not cubicle cloth. Money wasn't a concern - I couldn't bribe the ticks off of me. There was no time in the massive green tunnel. This was freedom.

Also, I can’t escape the feeling that this absurdly deep hole went to some place in The Other, and it was a little unnerving to me how curious I was to explore it. The picture does not do justice for what a hole into the void this was. 

Dee and my dad did not have the same experience. They were tired, and hot, and freaked out by the ticks. And wanted to go home. At one point, my dad fell back so that he could go as slow as he needed without feeling bad, and we walked ahead, saw how narrow steep and deadly the trail from Ponca to Steel Creek was, and how sloppy all of us had gotten with out feet, and decided it was best to go back to Ponca, and call my step-mom to come save us. They didn't want weird transcendental nature-penance. They weren't having fun. They wanted a shower and a beer, and I couldn't blame them. Plus it's not like I was going to just say "peace" and walk for two more days alone in the Arkansas wilderness. So, we bailed. We went home and enjoyed junk food and reclining chairs. I discovered I have an allergy to ticks that makes bites super itchy and gross looking (and yes it is just an allergy, I've had it checked, I don't have lyme disease).

But it was the best decision. It was the decision that saved us from hurting ourselves, or ruining our whole vacation and remembering it as misery.

And, I got some really pretty pictures of lots of trees before I started tripping out on green.

I know I’ve already shown this one. I just really liked it. 

[gethealthy18-blog]

344: Get Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Yelling, or Losing Control With Amy From Positive Parenting Solutions

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344: Get Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Yelling, or Losing Control With Amy From Positive Parenting Solutions

Child: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.

This podcast is brought to you by Four Sigmatic… a company I’ve loved for years for their superfood mushroom based products. They use mushrooms like lions mane, chaga, cordyceps and reishi in delicious products. Mushrooms are amazing in and of themselves. Did you know that mushrooms are more genetically similar to humans than plants are? And that they breathe oxygen and exhale CO2 just like we do but mushrooms spores can survive the vacuum and radiation of space. These amazing fungi are always a part of my daily routine in some way, usually with Lion’s Mane Coffee or Matcha in the morning, Plant protein and mushroom elixirs like chaga and cordyceps during the day and reishi at night to wind down. As a listener of this podcast, you can save on all Four Sigmatic products. Go to foursigmatic.com/wellnessmama and the code wellnessmama gives 15% off.

This episode is sponsored by Everlywell, at-home lab tests that you can get without a doctor’s order! I’ve used many of their tests and can recommend a couple that have been especially helpful. They have an at-home allergy test for 40 of the most common allergens using the same CLIA-certified labs used by Allergists/Doctors. The labs are reviewed by an independent physician and measure IgE levels of common allergens including pet dander, mold, trees, grasses, and more. But you can do it from your own home with a finger stick. I also really like their food sensitivity tests that test for IgG reactions. This was a big key for me in my health recovery, as there were foods that didn’t show up as an allergy that were causing inflammation. I used an elimination diet, but this food sensitivity test also filled in the missing piece of the puzzle for me. Through healing my gut, I’ve been able to remove all sensitivities except for eggs. Finding out I was highly sensitive to eggs made a huge difference for me, as I ate them often as an inexpensive protein source. I feel so much better now that I don’t eat eggs and I would never have known that without this test! I also use their at-home Vitamin D test to keep an eye on those levels. Check out all of their tests at wellnessmama.com/go/everlywell. Use code MAMA10 for 10% off orders.

Katie: Hello and welcome to “The Wellness Mama Podcast.” I’m Katie from WellnessMama.com and Wellnesse.com. That’s wellness with an E on the end. It’s our new line of personal care products that are both non-toxic and highly effective. This episode is all about how to get your kids to listen without nagging, or yelling, or losing control because I am here with Amy McCready from Positive Parenting Solutions. And I think you’re really going to enjoy this episode if you have kids. She’s the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the creator of the “7-Step Parenting Success System,” which is a course that I’m going through right now to prepare for this interview. She is also the author of two best selling parenting books. The first called “If I Have to Tell You One More Time” and “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic.”

She’s a regular contributor on the “Today” show and CBS, CNN, “Fox and Friends,” “Rachael Ray,” etc. And she’s helped thousands of families to have a happier home life and many parents to become calmer, happier parents. And in this episode, she gives a lot of really practical strategies for how to navigate a lot of what we’re facing right now. When your kids are home a lot more, how to navigate autonomy versus responsibility in older kids. Her “when then” system for getting things done without nagging around the house. Some tips for getting kids to want to actually do homework and schoolwork without the fight, etc. It’s a really fun and lightning episode. I think you’ll enjoy as much as I did. So without further ado, let’s jump in.

Amy, welcome. Thanks for being here.

Amy: Katie, thank you so much for having me. I’m thrilled to talk with you.

Katie: I am so excited about this interview because almost everybody listening is a parent. Most of my audience are moms. And I think this topic is timely and helpful all of the time. But especially, right now, with so much going on, and with summer starting, and kids home more, I feel like the information you have is just so vital for parents. So, I wanna jump right in. This is the thing I get a question about quite a bit as well, and I think you’re more qualified to speak on. So I have my kids home all the time because I homeschool. And I hear from my friends who are moms this time of year, like, “Oh gosh, the kids are gonna be home for all these weeks.” And they get stressed about it. So let’s start there. What do you say to parents who are kind of struggling to balance having the kids home for an extended period of time?

Amy: Well, I think it’s always more challenging when kids are home, whether it’s summer, or holiday breaks, or whatever it happens to be. And I think for parents, we have to just give ourselves a little bit of grace, and forgive ourselves. We may be a little bit more on edge or we may lose our temper more than we would normally. And that’s okay. But the other thing to know is that there are some concrete strategies that you can use all the time but especially, when kids are home, on break or vacation or whatever, that can make things go more smoothly, help your routines stay in check. And if they can implement some of those very basic things, then they’re gonna enjoy that time a lot more with their kids, their kids will be better behaved. Moms and dads will feel better about that time together and family life would just run a lot more smoothly.

Katie: That makes sense. And I think kind of also to start broad, like, I’d love to hear a little bit of your story because I’ve read a little bit of it and I’m going through the positive parenting solutions course right now. But have you always been this patient calm mom?

Amy: Hardly, hardly. And that’s probably the thing that parents don’t know about me unless they’ve heard my story is that I call myself a recovering yeller. Because when my kids were younger, I wanted to be a great mom. I have great kids and they’re wonderful but I found myself on a daily basis getting into this cycle of nagging and reminding my kids, and nagging and reminding, and nagging and reminding, and then I would just blow. And my yelling occurrences were not a one-off. It was a pretty much everyday thing and many times multiple times a day. And so that’s actually how I got into what I do now, is that I would find myself yelling so much, and I was feeling so defeated and frustrated, and sometimes even resentful of my kids, like these people that I love more than anything in the world. But I wasn’t being my best self. And so that’s when I started studying parenting strategies. And it was just so life-changing for our family, for me, personally, for my kids. And my business background was actually in adult training. And that’s what I did for a living. So I took that training expertise and thought, “I really feel like I could bring these strategies to parents and teach them in a way that was fun and it would be easy for them to implement.” And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. So to answer your question, no, I’m not a calm and very Zen person by nature. I’m Type A, I’m controlling, I’m all of those things that tend to bring out the worst in terms of kids’ behavior. But, again, once you know the tools and the strategies, you can definitely turn that around.

Katie: I love that. And, you know, I always hear that line that parenthood doesn’t come with an instruction manual. And I think that’s really true. But I also found out, for me, just on the household side, I wanna go deep on the parenting side with you but I had a similar experience where I was so overwhelmed and exhausted, and just constantly stressed out at home, and I was running a business, and I was running my household. And I stepped back and went, “Why is it so easy to run my business and I am so stressed all the time at home? And I realized, at work, there were defined expectations. I had systems for things, I had a plan and goals and it was clearly defined. Whereas at home, I was trying to sort of manage everyone’s lives in my head, eight people off the top of my head, plan all the meals, and just keep all of that in my head all the time. So, from a household perspective, I realized if I could put the systems in place for my house, that would take a lot of that mental stress away, and I would still get the same amount done just without the stress of it. And I would guess for parenting, you probably discovered some similar things that if you had the strategies, and the frameworks, and the methods to do this, it actually makes your life probably much easier, right?

Amy: Absolutely. And I was laughing to myself when you said, you know, that your job came so much more easily and that’s what I found as well. I felt like I was very capable in my work job, my outside of the house job, but at home I felt like I was floundering. And I think, yes, you’re absolutely right. When you put those processes in place and the routines, and you have the expectations for everyone, it goes so much more smoothly. But the one piece that tends to happen with our kids is that when we put the processes in place, and when we have the rules, and the boundaries, and all those things, that’s helpful but our taskmaster nature actually tends to undermine things with our kids. So I always talk about, you know, how much time we spend sort of ordering, correcting, and directing. That tends to invite power struggles for our kids. So the piece that we have to remember at home is that we have to make sure that we intentionally create those emotional connection opportunities. We’re filling their attention buckets because if we don’t do those things, all of the systems can be in place but if we’re not doing those emotional connection times with our kids, then we’re gonna fall into this pattern of attention-seeking behavior and power struggles, and it’s gonna feel like so much more effort than it really should.

Katie: I love that. Can you give some examples of what that would look like? Because I feel like a lot of parents or at least speaking from my own experience, I know you can get stuck in that cycle of, my kids actually do need to get these things done. They need to help around the house, we’re part of the family, and then you’re just stuck reminding them and nagging them. So give us some examples of stepping back and reinforcing the emotional connection like that.

Amy: Yeah, so that’s the funny thing is that, you know, kids have these hard-wired needs for emotional connection and attention. But they won’t come to you and say, “You know what, Mom? I feel like my attention bucket is really not being filled right now. I’m not feeling that warm and fuzzy emotional connection from you.” Unfortunately, that need that they have will present itself as being overly clingy, and needy, and whining, and more of these attention-seeking behaviors, which makes us more frustrated. And again, you get into this vicious cycle. And just like our kids have an attention bucket, they also have a power bucket, which means that they need to have an age-appropriate sense of autonomy and control over their own lives. But again, they’re not gonna come to us and say, “You know, I feel like I need more control and decision-making opportunities.” They’re gonna dig in their heels. They’re gonna push back. They’re gonna resist, backtalk, and those types of things. And I always remind parents that kid priorities are not the same as parent priorities.

So the more we want them to do the things we want them to do, if we’re not meeting their needs for that emotional connection, filling their attention bucket and filling their power bucket, they’re gonna continue to resist. So the simplest thing is just spending one-on-one time with your kids on a daily basis, and it can be as short as 10 minutes. But in our positive parenting solutions community, we call this mind, body, and soul time because it reminds us for that 10 minutes, we are fully present in mind, body and soul with that child. And nothing is more important, and you’re doing exactly what that child loves to do. So it might be reading a chapter book, or playing Legos, or jumping on a trampoline, it’s whatever that child loves. But in those few moments, you’re giving them your 100% attention. They’re getting that emotional connection with you. And parents are just blown away, Katie, by how much more cooperative kids are, they’re willing to do all of those things that are parent priorities and not really kid priorities. But the key is when we meet their hardwired emotional needs first, all the other stuff becomes so much easier.

Katie: I love that. It’s such a good reframe. And I’ve seen that quote online as well. Like, you know, we have to remember as parents, especially the adults in these relationships, that when kids act out, they’re not trying to be the problem, they’re having a problem. And if we can reframe it and, like, look at what are their needs, and how can we address this, it totally changes how you look at your child and that totally changes the relationship. And I think that’s encouraging to hear as a parent also is, you know, this doesn’t have to be four hours a day per child, which wouldn’t even be possible in my case. You know, it’s like just having that actual focused quality time goes so far. And I think I did this somewhat intuitively, one of my daughter’s, as she got older, like, I could tell she was pulling back a little bit and just a little bit more moody and reserved. And so to connect with her on her level, I literally had to start pole vaulting. But now she’s, like, opened up and we’ve connected so much more. But it took exactly what you said. It took finding the things she loves to do, and me being willing to try it, and not be good at it, which I think is another important lesson for parents. You know, like, let them see you out of your comfort zone and let them see you work through something difficult because we help them work through difficult things all the time. How does that translate then into when they do need to get stuff done, when they need to do their laundry or the dishes or whatever it may be? Do you find just by the nature of putting that time in, they’re just so much more willing or are there strategies that you use to help them also be more willing to want to do those things?

Amy: Well, just by filling their attention bucket intentionally every day, it is almost, almost like a magic bullet that they are so much more cooperative, and easygoing, and willing to do those things that they’re supposed to do. Now, we all know there’s no such thing as a parenting silver bullet so you need some backup strategies. So one of the strategies that I teach to parents is called the when-then routine. And in a when-then routine, it requires that the yucky stuff is done before the more fun parts of the day. So a when-then routine might sound like this. When you finished unloading the dishwasher, then we can have our special time before lunch. So that yucky thing that they don’t wanna do gets done before the more enjoyable thing or when you’ve completed your schoolwork or when you’ve completed your family contributions, then you can have your 30 minutes of technology time. So we’re always the positioning the yucky stuff before the more enjoyable things. It’s important to note that this is not a reward system. If you do this, then you can get that. That’s something very different. Actually, we don’t advocate that at all.

But it is these normally occurring privileges, like whatever maybe technology time you allow or going outside to play with your friends or even our special time together. When the family jobs get done with the schoolwork or whatever those things are, then you can enjoy whatever that thing is. But that when-then routine is magical. And in fact, all of your routines should be set up in a when-then format. So, in the morning, when kids are going to school, let’s say they’re going out to school, when you are dressed, your bed is made, hair is combed, backpack and lunchbox are by the door, then we’ll have breakfast and we can have some special time before we leave for the bus. In the evenings, when you’ve had your bath, teeth are brushed and flossed, and clothes picked up for the morning, then we’ll have our special time before lights out at 8:00. So sometimes you have to put a time limit at the end there, but all of your routines you can set up in a when-then fashion, and it’s fabulous for parents because they can get out of the nagging and reminding business. It really works so beautifully, Katie.

Katie: That makes sense. And in fact, it probably takes the responsibility of having to do any of that nagging or reminding pretty much off your plate because if they come ask, “Can I do screentime? Can I play outside?”, whatever, all you have to say is, “Well did you do this?” And it’s then their choice and their responsibility. The one confounding thing I’m thinking is with my older kids. What about when you get older kids who don’t want to do the one-on-one time as much or they’re pulling back or, like, you know, just aren’t engaging as much in general because they’re kind of hitting that age is? How do you emotionally connect with them?

Amy: That’s a great question. So, mind, body and soul time, I really advocate for kids of all ages. But sometimes we position it differently. So for all kids, if possible, I like to label it. So call it something, you know, Jason and mommy time, whatever you wanna call it. Now, for older kids, you may not label it. So you don’t want it turn into this big, like, you know, they roll their eyes when you say, “Okay, it’s Jeffrey and mommy time.” You just sort of make it happen without making a big pronouncement out of it. And so sometimes that is just being in their vicinity. So if they’re sitting reading a book, you sit down with your book and read it with them. And then afterwards, you can say, “I love sitting here reading with you. This is so cool.” So we don’t make a big deal about it beforehand, but you sort of just slide your way into whatever they’re doing. But then you book end it with just that little, “Aah, I love spending this time with you. This is so fun.”

And then the other thing is being interested in what they’re interested in. And so if they’re into photography or even social media, like you said before, let them teach you things. So let them teach you how to use new platforms or how to, you know, do photos properly on Instagram and all of those types of things that kids are so much better at than we are. Use that as an opportunity to emotionally connect with them. But the connection time is still really important for teens. We just do it slightly differently. The other little thing, Katie, too, even for teens, I love having some sort of a tuck-in routine with them, if you will. Again, it’s gonna look different than your littles. But just some connection time where you are just spending a few minutes with them, connecting, talking about the day, whatever it is. It’s just so powerful and kids may act like they don’t want it. They really do love it once you get into a good routine.

Katie: That makes sense. I could definitely see that. And from that to the other end of the spectrum, at least, for me, with toddlers, I feel like they’re the easy ones to connect because they’re sponges. And if you wanna read a book, or they’ll play Legos, any of that, they love it. But then you run into more of, like, the tantrum or meltdown phases where it’s like, how do you break that cycle when they’re in that kind of a phase?

Amy: That’s the classic question for the younger ones, that’s for sure. So a couple of things, you will find that when you start doing the mind, body, and soul time consistently on a daily basis, the frequency and intensity of those tantrum episodes will decrease. That is proven time and time again. So that’s the first piece. The second piece is when that tantrum happens, again, recognize that that child is having difficulty. It’s not about you, the child is having a hard time. So the most important thing is to connect, be there, get down on their level. Through trial and error, figure out what’s gonna help that child in that moment, show empathy, work on calming strategies, breathing techniques, all of those things that sort of help recenter the mind and body. We can start to teach those things at a young age. We have to recognize that these are kind of skills that kids have to learn. And it takes a little while, but we can start that process right then and there. But I think if we view it, as you said earlier, “This child is having a hard time,” rather than it being a misbehavior, it puts us in a totally different mindset in terms of how we respond to that child. And it’s gonna completely shift how quickly the child comes out of that episode.

Katie: That makes sense. Okay. So in the very beginning, we started talking a little bit about routine. And I’d love to circle back to that, especially with times like kids being home for the summer and not the normal school year type routine. Do you recommend being rigid and creating a routine to kind of keep through the summer or being more lenient in times like that? How do you navigate those?

Amy: Yeah, so I am big on routine. I don’t think we have to be militant. But I think a routine is important, one, because human beings in general, but especially kids crave a sense of order. And most kids do better when there is a sense of order to their day. And so if there can be a general routine that we follow, things happen in a certain order of events, the day will just go more smoothly. So if you are homeschooling, you know, you kind of have your block schedule in terms of the order in which we do things within those blocks and there can be a lot of flexibility. So if it’s a movement or a creativity block, what we do within that can be very flexible. But you would do less nagging and reminding, Katie, if we can have a routine that we follow, even during the summer. Now we want summers to be fun and all of that, but certain things can remain the same. So kids have family contributions, and I call them family contributions, not chores. We can talk about that later. But they have family contributions that they do every day. I highly recommend that bedtimes remain the same.

And the bedtime can be different, say, during the summer, the time can be different during the summer than during the school year if they’re going out to school, but it should be the same every night because kids internal clocks, they still need the same amount of sleep. Their internal clocks don’t recognize the difference between a Saturday night versus a Tuesday night. So keeping routines the same for bedtime can really go a long way in just easing just a lot of stress and anxiety for the parent. The other reason that’s important is that if the bedtime is 8:00 one night, 8:30 the next, and 9:00 the next, you really don’t have a bedtime routine. You don’t have a bedtime. So it becomes negotiable every night and it can turn into this power struggle. So even during summer vacations or holidays, or when we’re all home for other reasons, the more that we can keep the routine pretty consistent, it’ll just make things a lot easier for parents and a lot easier for kids.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay. And I’m glad that you brought up bedtime because I think that’s another area where parents can have a lot of difficulty and it seems to change. So the little ones, at least in my house, it’s been more of the having trouble getting them to get in bed, stay in bed, and then they need water, and they need to go to the bathroom, and then they had a bad dream or whatever, all the things maybe. With my older ones, it’s more of anything, they just wanna stay up and read longer. But any strategies for navigating bedtime and all the different ages and enforcing it without it being a fight?

Amy: Yes, so that we could talk an entire hour just on bedtime. There’s so much to cover here, but just some general guidelines. So you talked about all the requests, the drink of water, the one more hug, all of those types of requests that you get during the bedtime routine. I recommend that you with your kids revisit what that routine is gonna look like. So all the things that they asked for you build that into the routine. And so we decide that, you know, lights out is at 7:30 or 8:00 or whatever time that is, and then all of those things, that extra kiss, and the drink of water, and the back rub, all of those things happen within the routine. Once you close the door, that’s it. Now, you can prepare ahead. Like, you can keep a sippy cup in the room with just, you know, a little tiny bit of water in it. So if they get thirsty in the middle of the night, they have it there. But once the door closes, that’s it. Now there’s quite a bit of a training process that we help parents with to kind of navigate that so it doesn’t turn into a big power struggle. But what we don’t wanna be in the business of is, you know, just responding all night long with these requests because then parents never get a break. They’re exhausted. They end up dreading the bedtime routine.

And it’s a big power struggle. The other thing that I recommend is that the tuck-in time, be one parent and one child, rather than, you know, we read books with everybody together, we do prayers with everybody together, all of those things. While that’s efficient, it doesn’t really fill their attention bucket. And the other problem is when there’s, you know, two kids and one parent, sort of the pack mentality can set in and they start acting up, and that can be difficult. So the more you can do one parent, one child for the tuck-in routine, which means you’ll be staggering, that’s gonna give you better results. Then for older kids, that is just sort of working with them. You know, if they wanna have more reading time, that’s probably fine. But still having a lights out time that you respect. Certainly, we wanna have a technology lights out time, long before their actual bedtime, just so they’re not doing a lot of technology right before they go to bed. So a lot of things to consider in the whole bedtime routine, depending on the age of the child, the preferences of the parents and what kind of power struggles we’re having in general.

Katie: Gotcha. And I’m glad you brought up technology as well because certainly, this is an area that I think our generation kind of uniquely gets to figure out how to handle with kids. Because, at least, for me, that was just starting to come around when I was a teenager. So it wasn’t really… Like, there was no social media at that point. My parents didn’t really have to figure out how to navigate that. And now, we have kids with these devices and they’re connected to the world through technology, which has many advantages and certainly is not going away. And as adults, they’re going to need to know how to navigate technology. But as parents, we have a responsibility for teaching them to navigate it responsibly and also not letting it take over our family lives. And also, before we jump into any topic like this, I also wanna say I realize this is different, I’m sure in every family and there are times where kids are using technology for schoolwork or for other things. So I’m not trying to, like, poo technology at all. I just am curious, do you have any guidelines for navigating technology appropriately at all the different stages?

Amy: Yes, it is important that you really give some thought to that because you’re right, kids, whether they are doing remote schooling, you know, they’re gonna have technology that they’re using for that. And there’s not much that we can do about that as parents. But there is a lot of what I call recreational technology time that kids are spending and we do have the responsibility to put some boundaries around that. We have the responsibility to do training around that. So, it can’t be a free for all, that, you know, all day long they can have access to the technology. So, again, it’s going to depend on the age of your kids. But first I recommend that you make technology part of a when-then routine team that we talked about earlier. So when your family contributions are done, then you can have your technology time. We also want to be very clear that when technology time is over, we put it away, and then it’s over. If there’s a lot of griping, or groaning, or complaining, or, “Mom, can I just have five more minutes?” And if it turns into a power struggle every day, then that’s not working. And so that tells you that probably that child may not be mature enough to handle the privilege of that technology. And we really wanna back off of it for a while, or we might need more training or whatever it happens to be.

But it cannot turn into a situation where the parent is the technology police and that every day is a battle because that’s not working for anybody. So we’re gonna put those boundaries in place. If kids cannot follow the rules that you’ve set forth based on your wisdom and what you know is appropriate for their emotional well-being and safety, if they can’t follow those rules, then they’re not gonna have access to that technology. And working with parents, I think that’s one of the most difficult things, Katie, because parents fear the wrath of their kids when they limit technology. And so they are fearful of putting the boundaries around it and then it turns into a free for all. So we have to do that. If kids can follow the rules, then they can have access to the technology because it is a privilege. It’s not a right. The other thing is that the training piece is really important. You wouldn’t send your kid out in the car without any training. Well, the same is true for technology. So teaching them how to use it responsibly. And there’s a lot of great online resources for that, how to use social media responsibly, training on your digital footprint. All of those types of things are really important. That’s our job. And so if we’re gonna allow them to have that technology, we need to make sure that we do take care time for training as well.

Katie: Gotcha. Okay. I think those are great guidelines. Another thing that seems to be an issue with certain parent-kid dynamics is back talking or acting sassy with parents. Any strategies for that? I would guess like everything we’ve talked about, probably the one-on-one time helps and just having natural consequences and systems built-in so you’re not constantly nagging, means there’s fewer times for that, but any other strategies or ways that you navigate?

Amy: You’re right, Katie, that’s probably the number one thing that parents bring to me us, like, the problem behavior, it’s that backtalk, and sassiness, and attitude. But the thing that we have to remember and we talked about this kind of at the beginning is that that is the symptom. It’s not the real problem. So if we can think about the backtalk as the symptom and not, like, that’s not the thing that we have to fix, we want to address the root cause of the behavior. And so as you said, we can do that by filling their attention bucket one-on-one every single day. That is essential. And again, if there’s a magic bullet in parenting, that is it. We also wanna be aware of our communication, and how much ordering, correcting, and directing that we do. One of the things that I teach to parents in our program is a parent personality assessment programs so, like, to figure out how your personality brings out certain behaviors in your kids. So for me, my personality is super controlling, naturally. So if I allow my natural controlling Miss Bossypants tendencies to show too much, I’ll naturally get power struggles. So for parents, they can learn how to sort of tweak their natural responses, so they do less ordering, correcting, and directing, and then use other tools that will get better cooperation. That will help reduce the backtalk.

When that does happen, again, remember that the child is having difficulty. There’s something else going on. So to show grace and empathize with that child. “Wow, you seem really frustrated. Wow, I can tell you are really mad about this.” Empathize with whatever it is they’re being sassy about, forget the sassiness for a minute and get to, like, what the theme is that they’re really upset about and show empathy with that. We’re gonna be much more likely to get through that if, again, we connect on that emotional level. The other thing that we can do is recognize that the backtalk, the sassiness, those are power behaviors. So when kids are exerting their power behaviors, it is usually an indication that they’re not feeling enough personal control, power autonomy over their own world. So there are strategies we can use for that. A simple one is giving them more decision-making opportunities. So think about areas in your family life, where you can get kids more involved in making decisions. Maybe it’s meal planning for the week. If the family is taking a vacation several months from now, get them involved in that. The more that they can have real-world decision-making opportunity, that is gonna really help their power bucket. And then the last thing that I would say and this is the hardest, Katie, is don’t take the bait.

When kids kind of serve up that sassy remark, that backtalk remark, it is so instinctive for us to respond with power, “You will not speak to me that way.” You know, “I demand respect,” or whatever the words are that you would say. But when we do that, it totally escalates the power struggle. So instead, if we can refuse to take the bait and just say with a smile and in a calm voice, say, “Sweetie, I’d love you too much to argue about this. Let’s talk about this when we’re both feeling more calm.” But just that smile on your face in a calm voice, “I love you too much to argue about this,” it just diffuses it. It says, “I’m not gonna engage in this power struggle. I’m not accepting your invitation and we’ll talk about this later. Whatever it is that you’re upset about, that’s important to me but I’m not gonna get into a battle with you.” So, again, I keep saying this, but we could talk for just a whole hour on backtalk, and attitude, and sassiness. But just sort of remembering those core issues of why it’s happening in the first place and addressing that will be our best strategy.

Katie: Yeah, I think you’re so right. It’s important to reframe that and I really also liked that you brought up the control autonomy dynamic because I’m just in the early stages of having to navigate this. So I’m by no means an expert. But it is something I think a lot about right now, just having a teenager and soon to have another teenager, and remembering what it was like to be a teenager as well. And I’ve read enough psychology to know, kids in that age, especially once they hit the teenage years, psychologically, they actually are trying to become more independent. And that’s an important psychological stage for them, as they’re preparing for adulthood. And also, as parents, we, of course, want them to be prepared for adulthood, and to have the skills, and the foundation they need to be independent, and to live outside our homes. And I’m seeing firsthand and definitely understand how difficult that is because at the end of the day, like, I still think of my oldest as my baby even though he’s almost as tall as I am. But realizing they do need to learn to have that autonomy and to feel control over and an ability to make their own decisions. In our house, we turn this thing on its head. So most people have heard the saying, “With great power comes great responsibility.” And we tell our kids, it actually works the other way. “With great responsibility comes great power.” When you show us that you’re responsible, we want to give you freedom, and we want to give you the power to make decisions. And so we have constant conversations around that. But just because it’s so top of mind, for me, right now, I’m curious, are there any, like, guidelines or ideas that you have for navigating with teenagers when certain levels of autonomy are appropriate or is it very much case by case based on the maturity level of the child and the relationship with the parent or how do you handle that?

Amy: First off, I just love what you just said, “With great responsibility comes great power.” That’s amazing. The other thing that I just want our listeners to remember is that this issue about needing more autonomy and control is absolutely an issue with teenagers. But it is the exact same thing with your two-years-old, three-years-old, six-years-old It doesn’t matter. Every kid at every stage has a need for autonomy and control. So I just don’t want people to think that we need to wait until the teen years to be thinking about this. But let’s talk specifically about what you asked when we want kids to be prepared to be successful in the adult world. And so we have to do our job to train them. So part of that is on an ongoing basis, always training them on tasks that they’ll need to do in the adult world, whether that’s managing their money, or changing air filters in the house, or car maintenance, or gardening, or whatever those things are, we always wanna be training them on adult tasks, so that when they leave the house, they’ll be prepared. But in terms of taking on more responsibility, one of the tools that I just love is called Convince Me. And this tool would apply when your kids wanna do something. Maybe they want to…you know, it’s a middle school or who wants to go to the mall on their own with friends, or somebody wants to go to a concert in the next town, or start driving, or whatever it happens to be, it is something that your kids wanna do that you’re a little bit, like, “I’m just not totally sure I’m ready for that.”

So you will use the tool to Convince Me. And so the way that works is you would share your concerns. So you would say, “You know, I understand that this is really important to you. Let me share my concerns about you going to the concert, or going to the mall, or riding your bike to school,” whatever that happens to be. These are my concerns. “So why don’t you take some time and think about this, and come back to me with your plan to address my concerns?” And so that’s what the kid does. They take some time, and then they come back, and they try to convince you if you will, but they do it in a way that takes all of your concerns into consideration, and then they share the plan that they’ve come up with. And so then, if you are comfortable with the plan that they’ve put forth, you can say, “Okay, I feel comfortable with that. It seems to me that you’ve thought through all of the possible things that could go wrong, you have a backup plan in place. That sounds great, let’s go ahead and, you know, do whatever you’ve asked to do.” And then you see how that goes. If they do well, then that makes you think, “Wow, yes, you know, he did a really good job by taking on this additional responsibility. And now I feel comfortable giving him more responsibility in the future.” Or if not, if it didn’t go so well, well, then that tells you, you’ve got more training to do.

We have more work to do in terms of responsibility. But the reason that I love this is because it requires the child to understand your point of view. So we’re fostering that empathy. And then they have to use their reasoning, and decision-making, and planning skills to come up with something to convince you that would address all of your concerns, but still, let them get the outcome that they want. And so it’s just a great strategy for adult life, right? We’ll be doing the same thing in our jobs or in group projects in college, or whatever, and you can start doing this really, as young as six or seven. Obviously, the problems and the issues will be different. But you can use these strategies, you know, all the way through into the teen years. And it’s great for kids and it’s great for parents.

Katie: That’s so great. I’m writing that one down to remember for sure because, you’re right, it puts the control actually in their hands. They’re getting to have a chance. And it removes all those things I used to say as teenagers, like, “You don’t understand or you don’t listen to me,” or whatever it is because you are listening as well, like you said, and then you’re having them pull from skills that will serve them their entire lives to develop, and potentially be able to get the outcome they want if they are able to do that effectively, which I love. I think there’s also crossover here when it comes to schoolwork or homework and how to navigate that. I’ve personally always taken the approach that even though I homeschool teach them, I’ll teach the concept but I’m not going to handhold, and babysit, and go through every problem with them. That’s school, that’s actually their work and I want them to learn how to kind of autonomously work through it themselves. And I feel like we have a good rhythm on this because we’ve been home homeschooling for so long, but I hear from a lot of parents who say things like, “It’s just getting to be so much. I have five hours of homework with my kid every single night after school where I spend, you know, three hours trying to get my first grader to do worksheets.” And any advice for parents who are trying to navigate that.

Amy: Yeah, so that can be a real challenge and I totally feel for parents, especially if you have multiple kids, but there are some simple sorts of things that you can put in place to avoid that. First as with all things, you will be successful with homework and schoolwork if you have filled their attention bucket first. So yeah, if your kids are coming home after school, take that time to connect emotionally first before you start being the taskmaster and start with, “Okay, we have to get the homework done and what are your assignments,” and all of that, start with connection first. It makes everything else go more smoothly. The next thing is, have some homework policies in place. So one of your policies can be, “I am happy to help you with anything that you need in your homework, as long as you’ve done as much as you can on your own. And then you can come to me and let me know what you still need help with. Now, when you come to me and let me know where you’re having trouble, I wanna know your thought process for trying to figure this out.” So basically, Katie, I don’t want them coming and saying, “I just can’t do this. This is too hard.” I wanna know, “Okay, on number seven, I see this problem, tell me your thought process for going through it and where did you struggle?” That way, I know they’ve put some time into it. And they’re not just playing the helpless card. The other thing is, have homework help hours. So that means I’m willing to help you with your homework from 5:30 to 8:30. After that, I’m too tired, you know, that’s not gonna work for me. So have homework help hours, like your office hours, if you will.

That gets you out of the situation where they’re coming at, you know, 9:30 at night, “I can’t do this. And it’s due tomorrow.” And so really put your homework help policies in place. Again, I tell parents, “You’ve already done the fifth grade. Your job is not to sit there and you know, side by side with your child, while they complete their homework and you being involved in it.” As you said, you want them to be doing that autonomously. You’re certainly there to support but it’s not your job. I would also have a talk with the teacher and let the teacher know that you are working on training for responsibility in your home. And so you will be there to support your child in doing their homework if they need help, but you’re not gonna cook some prod and that sort of thing. And so that then allows the natural consequences to play out. So if the kid doesn’t get the homework done, then that’s a discussion they’re having with the teacher and you can stay out of it. I think, Katie, where we run into trouble is, parents feel like, “I’m gonna look like a terrible parent if my kid doesn’t get their homework done.” Let the kid experience the natural consequences at school, that’s gonna be much more effective and it’s gonna keep you out of the role of the bad guy. Obviously, if there is a learning difference or an attention difference are other interventions that are required, you can, you know, work with the teacher and the clinicians, and whoever is on your team to do that. But they should be autonomously doing their homework, just as you suggested.

Katie: Yeah, I’m a big fan of natural consequences as well. And I’ve never heard it framed as well as you did with when and then, which I think is that just the language of that is wonderful because it avoids the power struggle and it lets them easily understand it in literally two words, that this happens when you’ve done this. But you’re right, I think that there’s been a shift at least it seems like. Obviously, I’ve only parented this current generation, but it seems like there’s a shift even since I was a kid of trying to protect kids from natural consequences. We’re not wanting them to have to feel the discomfort of not getting a good grade at school or facing something that’s difficult. And it’s funny because I don’t think my parents had those same fears. I always knew I had to get my schoolwork done. And if I messed up at school, I was gonna get in trouble at school. They certainly weren’t gonna save me. And then I was gonna get in trouble when I got home too. But there does seem to be at least a little bit more protecting kids from natural consequences. What other ways can we gently and lovingly incorporate those natural consequences? Because I feel like as adults, that’s something we all deal with very much every single day, if we don’t do our jobs, if we don’t take care of our houses, if we don’t do any of the things that adults have to do. There are very, very real natural consequences. So how can we let our kids start learning that from the earliest of ages?

Amy: Yes, absolutely. In fact, Katie, you’re doing our course right now so you’ll be getting to this in step 3, where we talk about creating a consequential environment. If we don’t create a consequential environment at home, our kids are really gonna struggle when they’re out on their own and have to face consequences for the first time. So, you know, from the younger years, all the way up through the teens, we have to create that consequential environment. And some of those come from, like, natural consequences. Well, if you refuse to take your coat to school, you may be cold outside at recess. It’s the middle of winter, that’s just a natural consequence. But then there’s also consequences around personal responsibility. So you mentioned homework is one of them, that if you don’t get your homework done, then you’re gonna have to face the consequences with your teacher. One of the things that we talk about is implementing a no rescue policy. And a no rescue policy is for areas in which we’ve been through this a million times, whether it’s remembering your lunchbox and remembering the homework, or your sports equipment, or whatever it is, we’ve talked about this, we’ve trained on it, I’ve already rescued you, probably more times than I should have. But now I know that it’s time to implement the no rescue policy. And so that starts with training. And we always kind of position it in a very positive way because marketing is everything. “You know, you are really growing up and you’re becoming so responsible in so many ways. And so now this is an area where you can take responsibility.” So let’s say it’s the sports equipment. “So from now on, you’re gonna be responsible for packing your sports bag and remembering to take it, making sure you have your uniform, and your cleats, and all the equipment.

I’m not gonna get involved in that anymore. I’m not gonna remind you, that is gonna be your responsibility. And if you choose not to take that responsibility, if you don’t have your stuff ready, if you forget your stuff, I’m not gonna be driving it to the field.” So what that means, Katie, is, you know, I’ve taken time for training… Oh, and also part of this has to do with systems. So I would say since I’m not gonna be reminding you about this anymore, what systems do you need to put in place so you can remember what you need to do for soccer or for your homework or whatever it happens to be? So we’ve done the training, we’ve put the systems in place, we’ve sort of set the expectation that we’re not gonna rescue, now we have to let it play out and let the child experience the consequence. Again, bring the coach or the teacher into the loop, if that makes you feel better, so they know you’re not a slacker parent, but in fact, you’re teaching responsibility. And if he shows up without his equipment, you know, you encourage the coach to implement the consequences that he has in place. So it’s implementing that no rescue policy. It’s not for a once in a blue moon mistake, we all make those and as a family, we have each other’s back. We help each other out. But for ongoing consistent issues that we have talked about, then we know it’s time for the no rescue policy. So that’s one example and many examples of how to create a decision rich environment for your kids that are going to set them up to be accountable, responsible for their own choices and to be successful functioning in a teen and in an adult world.

Katie: Got it. And I also wanna hear the explanation because you use the word family contributions, which I love because I think chores has a negative connotation. And adults don’t do chores, we just contribute to the family as well. But I’d love to hear, like, how you first of all came up with that term and how you use that because I think it’s such a great alternative.

Amy: Yeah, it’s so funny you asked how I came up with that term, and I actually don’t have any idea. I don’t remember how I came up with it. But you’re right, the word chores just denotes drudgery. Nobody wants to do chores. That sounds awful. And when you call those things family contributions, it doesn’t make the task any more enjoyable. Nobody enjoys folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher. But it does reinforce to your kids that when you do those things, it makes a difference for our family. And again, part of that power bucket that I talked about is a feeling of significance. We all have a hard-wired need to make a difference, to be significant, to contribute to the greater good. And so for a child or a teenager, the greater good is their family. And so when they are doing those things, they are contributing. So I highly recommend that parents change the language on that. I will tell you, Katie, to this day, my kids still roll their eyes a little bit when I say family contributions. But that doesn’t stop me one bit, I still call them that because when they contribute, it makes a difference. And the other piece of that is that we need to remind our kids what a difference their efforts make. And this applies to your partner too. Even though it’s their regular job, let them know, “When you do that, that makes such a difference for me. That makes our home runs so much more smoothly. That’s a big job that I don’t have to do.” We have to remember on an ongoing basis to let our people know how much we appreciate their contributions because that makes them feel better about it. When they know that their efforts are making a difference for you, they’re gonna be more likely to want to do it in the future.

Katie: That makes sense. Yeah. And it’s a great reminder. A lot of these things, just even our language, and our reframing, and making time for one-on-one connection, those are all such important things with our partner too, not just with our kids. Yeah, I think those are such helpful things.

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I’d also love to hear because I know you’ve worked with probably now thousands of families. For people listening who are wondering like, “This all sounds great, and it makes sense. But does it actually work? And do you really see a big difference? And how long does it take?” So can you talk about kind of what is the typical path that someone’s family will see when they start implementing these things, but maybe tell us a couple of stories of families that have used these strategies and how that changed their lives?

Amy: Oh, my goodness, I could go on forever. But so there are some changes that you see immediately and some that take a little bit longer. So I’ll give you a couple of examples. The mind, body, and soul time that I mentioned, that tool about one-on-one time every single day, you will see a difference in your kid’s behavior in one or two days, promise. Like as I said, if there’s such thing as a magic bullet, that is it because it is getting to their core emotional needs. So that change you see right away. Now in the work that I do with parents, I like to make it really easy for them. So I teach it kind of in a step-by-step pattern. So you implement one tool, and then you build on it with the next and the next. And with each tool that you implement, you are getting better and better results. And that makes sense because all of the tools focus on giving kids the positive power that they have to have. But then also, the other tools are intended to sort of diffuse those power struggles, but in a way that’s more positive than we’ve done before. So the more you use the tools, in general, the behavior gets better and better. So with the mind, body, and soul time, you’ll see that right away. Now with sibling rivalry and fighting, that takes a little bit longer to implement and to see the results. You’ll see some initial results right away, but it won’t solve every single thing in the first week, of course. And the reason for that is so for you, you have a 13-year-old, your oldest is 13, Katie, what’s the age of your next child?

Katie: Eleven, almost 12.

Amy: Okay. So between those two kids, there’s 11 years of baggage or competition, rumblings, that have sort of been baked into the relationship. And so that’s an example that takes just a little bit longer to resolve because we have to teach kids the conflict resolution strategies and we kind of have to work at some of that victim competition that naturally happens because, right, the day that you bring that second baby home from the hospital, there’s some competition that is just baked in. That’s just the way it works. So those types of behaviors may take a little bit longer to turn around. But in terms of transformation, I would encourage your listeners to go and read our Google reviews, our five star Google reviews, the transformation is just amazing. And it’s parents who felt like they were failing at their most important job, they feel like they’re not even cut out for parenthood, they feel like they’re not meeting their kid’s needs like every day. It just is a cycle of frustration and guilt. And they just feel extremely discouraged. And then they start implementing the tools and things start to turn around. So we have so many success stories, whether it’s on, you know, getting your kids to sleep through the night, whether it’s the sibling thing that I talked about, whether it’s just the emotional connection with your kids, reducing the power struggles.

There are so many transformations. But, you know, as a mom of now I have young adults, like, I will tell you, that time just goes so quickly. And you wanna look back on it and think, “Yes, like, I really enjoyed that time with my kids.” You want your kids to look back on their growing up years and think, “Yes, I had a great relationship with my parents. Things weren’t always perfect, but when things came up, we dealt with in a way that was positive, and it was solution-focused, and we want them to have those good memories. So the transformation can absolutely come. The thing that I always tell parents, Katie, is that parenting is not intuitive. Like, just because you’re smart, and loving, and nurturing, and you’re a good person, that doesn’t mean that you have the tools to deal with temper tantrums in Target or, you know, the meltdowns, or the defiance, or the sassiness, or the homework hassles. Like, we don’t have that stuff intuitively. But the good news is, it’s things that you can learn, really simple strategies that parents can pick up and just make such a difference in their day in day out life with their kids.

Katie: Yeah, exactly. And so far, I’m really enjoying the course. And I know you have a couple of books as well, I’ll make sure those are all linked in the show notes. So for all of you guys listening, you can head over to wellnessmama.fm and find the show notes there. But just talk a little bit about the system you have in your course, in the books and what you recommend for parents. Like, where should they jump in?

Amy: Yeah, so our system is called the 7-Step Parenting Success System. And again, it’s kind of a very linear approach because that’s the way my brain thinks. But it teaches parents all of those tools that they need to bring out the very best in their kid’s behavior, but also to bring out the best in the parent’s behavior so they can get out of the nagging, and reminding, and yelling cycle that they have been in. So in the 7 steps, parents learn the tools in the toolbox. But then there’s also the more intensive advanced modules. So if you have a bedtime problem, if you have a mealtime problem, if you have a child, you’re struggling with schoolwork and homework for a child with ADHD, so there are all these very specific advanced modules to tackle specific problems. So parents can just progress through that and learn all of those tools and have the advanced modules. If they want to sort of test drive what that system is all about, they can take a free class that we have, it’s called “Get kids to listen without nagging, reminding or yelling.” I can give you that link too. I also have two books, “If I Have to Tell You One More Time,” and then the other one is called “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic,�� which is all about unentitling our kids. So lots different places that parents can get information. I’d say definitely start with a free class because that way they can sort of dip their toe in and see if they like what I teach, and they can put those tools, you know, into place right away with their own families and see what kind of results they get.

Katie: I love it. So again, all those will be in the show notes at wellnessmama.fm so you guys can find them. This was such a fun episode. Our time flew by. And another question I selfishly love to ask at the end because I’m a very avid reader is other than your own if there’s a book or a number of books that have really changed your life, and if so what they are and why?

Amy: Oh, this is such a hard question. I’m sure everybody tells you that. But there are a couple of books that I love. So this first one has been around for a while, you may be familiar with it. It’s called “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Dr. Carol Dweck. And it is a great read. It’s an easy read, but it’s all about her groundbreaking research on a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset. And that applies to everyone, whether it’s, you know, sports, academics, your work life, but so important for your parenting. And there are things that we parents do that sort of undermine a growth mindset for our kids, particularly as it relates to praise. And so her book is really a mindset shift for a lot of parents. I’ve also incorporated a lot of her concepts into what I teach. So that’s a great one. Another one that I love, and again, this is from forever ago, but it is still a classic. It’s called “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk,” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. And again, super easy reads, like lots of cartoons. But it’s ways to phrase things to kids so that it’s accepted with an open heart, doesn’t invite a power struggle but allows you to get things done. So, again, as I said, it’s a classic book, but it is one of my favorites and one that I always recommend to parents.

Katie: I love both of those suggestions. And like I said, this has been such a fun interview. I think it’s gonna help a lot of families. And I’m going through your course right now so I’ll make sure that link is in the show note as well. But thanks for the time and for all the research. It’s just been fun.

Amy: Well, thank you. I really appreciate the time to chat with you and thanks for all the important work that you’re doing out there for your community.

Katie: And thanks as always to all of you for joining us today and sharing one of your most valuable resources, your time with us. We’re very grateful that you did. And I hope that you will join me again on the next episode of the “Wellness Mama Podcast.”

If you’re enjoying these interviews, would you please take two minutes to leave a rating or review on iTunes for me? Doing this helps more people to find the podcast, which means even more moms and families could benefit from the information. I really appreciate your time, and thanks as always for listening.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/podcast/positive-parenting-solutions/

[sewgeekmama]

This past week I discovered the hell that is seasonal pollen allergies, got back in the library for storytime, attended the Jax Moms Blog Family Foodie Fair and we played dress-up thanks to DressUpWholesale.com

Week in Review: February 18 – 24

News Flash: I have a pollen allergy. I spent a miserable few days thinking I was sick with a cold. I even blogged about how Mom Sick is a special kind of misery, and then I realized it didn’t seem like a normal cold. No coughing or chest congestion, just watery eyes, itchy nose and throat, sneezing my head off and my nose was so congested my face hurt. Even my teeth hurt. Did I mention I live in a forest? A beautiful forest of huge Live Oaks and many many other very pretty trees that apparently all have it in for me.

After a desperate post on Facebook to see what works best for people who have been dealing with this longer than me, I went with a combo of Allegra and Flonase that worked wonders. Flonase was the one thing mentioned over and over again, and it seems the best thing to do is start on that as soon as you feel the allergies coming on. I’m back to almost normal with a few sniffles here and there. Thank you Dr. Facebook.

Storytime at the Library – We ventured out to the library on Friday for their storytime program, followed by art and crafts. The theme for the day was “cats” so they read a few books and sang songs related to the theme. Afterwards the kids get to choose from a few different activities. We spent some time at the play area and even checked out a few books. I picked up a novel in the kids section called The Firefly Code and it’s actually pretty good so far! I admit I was drawn in by the cover, but it had me interested in the first few pages.

Family Foodie Fair – On Sunday we attended the Jax Moms Blog Family Foodie Fair at Engine 15 and got to try yummy meals where they paired together adult and children’s food. Our vote went to the Bearded Pig for their awesome pork belly over cheese grits and pulled pork over mac and cheese. Keelan mostly just ate the amazing donuts from Good Dough and  spent some time playing on the cool pirate ship playground. The rain held out until the very end, then came in strong and sent everyone scurrying for cover. We managed to save a few of the donuts that were being soaked by the rain. Priorities, you know.

Upcoming Giveaway – this week’s Hump Day Giveaway will be a free bottle of Axon CBD Oil for Migraines. That will start Wednesday, Feb. 27 at 7AM. Be sure to check the Giveaways section for active giveaways right now! Grandma’s Secret Spot Remover ends tonight at midnight and there’s still another week to go on the Family Game Prize Pack from Goliath Games.

And now for this week’s Product Sponsor: DressUpWholesale.com

DressUpWholesale.com carries a wide variety of dress-up items like tutus, wings, ribbons, hair accessories and feather boas, all at extremely low prices. Most things are under $2! It’s a great place to get items in bulk for parties or events, or just to stock your own dress-up box.

When the box arrived with items from DressupWholesale, my son insisted there must be toys in there for him. He was super excited when we opened the box and it was filled with fun dress-up items. He’s three and he doesn’t give one care at all whether things are “for girls” or “for boys” he just cares if they are “for fun.” He immediately had to put on ALL the items on the box.

First he gave the butterfly wings a test run:

Next up he went for the full ensemble: tutu, gloves, ribbon tiara, feather boa and wand. He then stood on the firepit, screamed “I’m a pretty princess!” and then proceeded to run around as fast as possible while waving his ribbon wand. He made it very tough to get a picture since he was just a blur of ribbons and feathers.

He was thrilled with everything and the quality was nice enough to withstand a rambunctious three-year-old boy! He even got up the next morning and immediately told me he wanted to put his dress-up stuff on again. So this assortment is now an official part of our dress-up gear. I’m sure someday soon he will start being more picky about boy things, but right now he can be Spider-man one day and a pretty princess the next, and that’s OK with me.

If you’d like to stock up your own dress-up box, be sure to visit DressUpWholesale.com for all your dress-up and party needs for your own pretty little princess (or prince).

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That’s it for last week! This week my big plans are to finish my taxes and then on Saturday we are going to the Monster Jam! I’ve never been to one and am pretty excited to take Keelan. I think he’s going to be so excited when he sees those giant trucks his little head may explode. In a good way, of course, lol. 

      Week in Review: Allergies Suck, Family Foodie Fair, Storytime and Dress-Up Wholesale This past week I discovered the hell that is seasonal pollen allergies, got back in the library for storytime, attended the Jax Moms Blog Family Foodie Fair and we played dress-up thanks to…