#so I have callouses on my feet 👣

[flip-flopping-frede]

No socks or always socks autistic?

(I’m an always socks autistic)

I am a socks in the winter/when it is cold and no socks in the summer/when it is hot autistic.

I feel like I would be an always socks autistic, because “better safe than sorry,” right? However part of my username could technically be related to flip flops versus unstableness, so when it is summer/ expected to be above 70 degrees every day, I do not wear socks/am a never socks autistic.

I guess whether I am an “always socks autistic” or a “no socks autistic” changes with the season, for the most part? At the same time, I feel there are autistics that smile all the time, and autistics that never smile or struggle to smile, and that I am an autistic that smiles all the time :) . Probably too much from an allistic perspective :)

[chocolategirl1da]

Still waiting at time’s door for my beautiful baby girl. I can’t help but to reflect on the life of her Father… always…

And even tho I get to give her the gift of having a Supernatural almighty power as her father, I know too well the pain of not having the physical Dad present in life while growing up. So you learn to cope. And my coping is in creativity.

A poem 22 years ago stopped my heart in its tracks. After taking the words into my soul, I couldn’t move on. I waited for these days I’m living in now. I wanted so bad to love and be loved by that man… if only he knew…

So I started this running poem when his soul left mine behind. It was written over the course of a few months. It came to me in couplets, as I would encounter the emotions of grief.

I dedicate these lines to my darling daughter. I hope she finds her love early and she has a chance to live many beautiful years together in love creating memories that will last her a lifetime. My darling daughter deserves to love and be loved. She deserves to know the passion as deep as it was for her to get here.

Selfless

Baby, don’t be selfish and lend me your love

Promises that we made when we were above

Much to the chagrin

of many women

Him and me will always be

Etched in the memory

Of the universe

And still it hurts…

There’s a silver lining in my black wedding dress

Rolling around town sporting Logan‘s finest

Legally wed for 700 days

Loved me down in all of the ways

Waned his crescent so I could wax my gibbous

Attracts like magnets no one can split us

He took the darkness so I could be light

Slaying demons with all his might

Now what am I going to do?

When all my tomorrows were imagined with you?

I have nothing in the future, all our thoughts are now past

But I was building for a life love long last

You were the last person on this earth who

I felt I could give my life, soul and heart to

I have the universe at my fingertips

But all I want for is your kiss

They left me breathless with no sense of self

Just wanted you and no one else…

This is what it was, my love

No stopping Destinee from above

My soul cries out for you every night

But Questioning Carma Mae induce fright

This has GOT to be my life’s greatest mistake

With longing and loneliness in its wake

My call to you brought Northern lights straight down to the south

Inter dimensional answers that my soul knows all about.

For the stars to be

The very opposite of me

While I carry our Baby

Truly is Destinee

Mae all that we manifest

Get laid to rest

Before our souls leave this earth.

Mae we all give birth

To the new

Before we say adieu.

Within his mortal body, a kingdom he contained

Felt free and safe with him when his light was ascertained

Built the foundation before it peaked

Left the keys 🔑 lying at my feet 👣

His hands traced lullabies that soothed my soul

Deep Depth of work done, stories left untold

With all this said, my soul still cries out

Polluting fate with fear and doubt

Becoming unstuck from the glue of the universe

As I wait for time forward to go in reverse ⏮️

“Go back to the last stop, I left something there!”

But time marches forward callously unaware

Our seeds are growing and you won’t even reap

What we worked so hard for, to love and to keep

How could you give up when the bottom fell out?

Faith floats on top when there’s no doubt

Should have introduced you, I was stingy with my God as my Dad

Never knowing that was the piece that you never had

Survivors guilt as without u the plan is worked

All the while, my soul is irked…

Did it really have to be this way? Did I really pick this life?

Is this the fate signed up for when I agreed to be his wife?

Nevertheless time marches on like the beating of a drum

Still crying in your wake, my universe awaits Kingdom come