#so I had to put Worthless Text on the Actual Post

[ollxooooooo0llo]

i made a post regarding Wave and Storm's friendship days ago and as i'm bored and already had a draft for this, i finally decided to elaborate on that. This post is gonna be long as hell, and hell, so brace yourselves.

Judging by the dynamic they hold throughout the first two Riders game i think it's pretty clear they know each other a lot, and seem also to tolerate one another well. Wave is sassy and gets aggressive easily, and while others find this annoying or intimidating, Storm not only tolerates it but even pisses her off voluntairly because he KNOWS how she would react. The first cutscene of the Babylon story in OG Riders he does exactly that by denying her taking the Babylon Garden's key , even mocking her just to get a laugh. Not only that, but Wave as well, who was getting visibly angry, instead plays along by seeming cutesy.

(sorry for no subtitles with OGSR, i only have footage of all the cutscenes in japanese with no text) Pretty sure if it was someone else she wouldn't have tried with puppy eyes but would've straight up snatched the thing from their hands and maybe slapped them. And even if Wave got actually angry at Storm, like some scenes later when Storm returns to Jet lamenting how he lost in the Grand Prix, he seems to overreact to a comical extent instead of actually getting hurt by what she says. "But what if he actually did?" Maybe he did? but come on look at this

He's SO dramatic about it, and the when Jet calls them out he immediately locks in. my guess is, again, he's used to it and likes to make up some drama I say this because whenever Storm would enter Jet's office to report/lament about something and Wave had comments to say, like literally calling him worthless lol, he would just shove it off like it was nothing. Literally he just looks at her like ''wth do you want girl''

Also you can see Wave smiling in the process! She enjoys mocking Storm just as much as he does with her

He's used to this; she is used to this. They like poking fun at one another because they know each other enough to be comfortable doing so, and i think that's as high as you can get in a friendship. Something similiar happens in Zg as well, but i'll talk about it later on.

Not to mention the back slap Storm gives Wave that almost had her fall on the ground for telling Jet they should get going because ''he wanted to say it'', and all Wave does is give him the eye like ''are u fr'', acting like she wasn't about to spit her whole left lung out.

Again, as i said before with the cube, i'm pretty sure Wave would've been LIVID if somebody else did that to her, but she just lets it slide because Storm did it! Again, another pretty good demonstration they're very comfortable with one another. And before beginning to talk about Zero Gravity... big shout out to the introductive cutscene. Storm got his board stolen and went flying in the air and instead of leaving him behind, Wave goes and catches him, dragging him until they manage to return Type-S back.

yeah not gonna pretend some of these screenshots ain't goofy af Point is, having 80 kg/ 176 lbs of weight attached to your Extreme Gear, not even properly balanced, has to be hard as hell, but Wave still went though the hustle in order to carry him along with her and Jet despite him losing his EG. Thus i'd safely say that they also DO care about each other, which people might not realise immediately due to their love language being shitting on one another. But actually, there's another example of this care being shown. When Jet and Wave were in Green Forest/Cave whatever, waiting for Storm to return, she was visibly agitated wondering what happened to him, going as far as interrupting Jet's nap because of all the noise she was making Put a video with this one not only to show how stressed she was, but also because in Chie Nakamura's voice she sounds so darn adorable

The same thing happens in ZG, and while she is way more laid back about it, she still is the one to notice him missing in the room, following the others' observation of Amy's absence by stating Storm wasn’t in the room as well. In general she seems to be the one worrying about the her mate's presence or not, Storm's in particular as he was the one always going in missions or getting lost.

Now, speaking about Wave and Storm in Zero Gravity's sphere... i can't say much, as the writers decided they should've barely spoken to one another. However there still are some things to mention. For example how stupidly they act alike when carefully waiting for Jet to extract the Ark of the Cosmos from the altar, even giving them the facepalm right after. Nothing too see here, folks. Just two besties sharing the grand total of one single braincell

Just to look at Jet like the did something. ''Yeah boss the site is clear'' no way dudes, really? lol This scene is not a big deal , but it's still remarkable to some degree when talking about their friendship. Wave's the intellingent and cynical one, and yet still manages to act as silly as Storm when found in a situation like this. It's like meeting your comfort person after a long day of work, with whom you can be more open with. Also could be that Storm’s energy is so strong to be able to influence even a mind as sharp as Wave’s. The same thing happens again a couple of seconds after. Once again not a singular functioning braincell visible in this screenshot

Now to the bit i was talking about earlier. i won't analyze too further into it as i basically explained earlier what this kind of interaction makes emerge about their relationship. Wave sees a shooting star, and decides to make a wish. Storm notices that and mocks her and basically calls her immature, until he searches for approval from Jet and sees him doing the same. Despite this, Wave seems to ignore what he had to say completely.

It's basically the situation that once took place in OGSR making its comeback in ZG, with the difference that now the roles are reversed, and results are pretty much the same with Storm making fun of Wave and her giving him the cold shoulder, just like he used to do everytime he bursted into Jet's office and Wave was ready to blast roasts. Mean words don't necessairly cause emotional weight for them when it's the other saying them because, again, they're probably used to that. Also Storm's comment could've just been something he didn't really think about, and Wave noticed that and just ignored it. Even in this case there's got to be some degree of understanding to know when to actually get hurt by a mean affirmation. This actually happens when Wave announces to Jet to have found something interesting about the ancient texts they had discovered. She goes on to say she would paraphrase what was written in them, and basically suggested simplifying it so bad as a way to call both Storm and Jet dumb. She didn't hint a single bit of sarcasm with that, and in fact Storm genuinely looked hurt (and Jet's pride was just as much).

(this dialogue lives forever free to roam in my heart because it was the ONLY thing that brought back from the dead Wave's mean but witty attitude from the first game. She was so watered down in ZG, but that's another topic) Unfortunately after this there isn't much left about them, BUT the peculiarity of these last things left is the way they communicate without pronouncing a single word. This happens twice: the first time after finding Jet and reassuring him about obtaining the Ark of the Cosmos Amy has a hold on, and the second time while reacting to Jet's intention of betting on the Ark of the Cosmos while challenging Sonic to a race on their way to Eggman through Crimson Tower.

They didn't babble a single word, but still managed to convey their thoughts to each other. The first example displays the scenario of just them being in agreement over the plan for what's to come, as Jet accepted Wave's suggestion. However, the second one in particular shows their bond pretty strongly, because when they heard Jet say what he said, they IMMEDIATELY looked at one another, trying to see if they were thinking the same about what they've just heard, and by their faces of disbelief, my guess is yeah, they did: "Did you hear the same bullshit i heard or??". So not only the first thing they did before anything else was going to the other one to know about their opinion, but they ended up having the same one and agreeing, too. Thus this goes to show Wave values Storm opinion more that anybody else's, and viceversa Storm with Wave (without including Jet, of course), and that despite them being opposites they manage to read the other one very well to the point of just needing a look in the eyes to say something. Overall i think Wave and Storm's friendship is quite strong and definitely genuine. They're a duo of bestfriends i can definitely picture as real people, because this kind of contact and unterstanding is something you would see happening between two close friends. I'm definitely bitter about the fact that they have been reduced to ''Jet's friend and that’s it''s, making them talk exclusively to him and not to each other. Don't give me wrong, i love Jet, but i just think Wave and Storm work better with one another. Jet's got to be more professional and composed around the two because of his status as a leader, thus making him take a more emotional distance from them (which sometimes slips): Storm is his loyal sideckick, and Wave is the mechanic of the group. That's it. On the other hand, Wave and Storm don't seem to have given actual labels to one another, as they don't need to do so, and unsurprisingly they act much more like friends who got put in the same group project. This might have also led them to develop a stronger bond, as they got ''stuck'' in the same trio and had to get to know the other in order to be able to collaborate and complete whatever task they needed to do. I guess this is it. i apologize as there might be some weird wording, and the post itself isn't well organized in general. i literally grabbed my stream of consciousness and slapped it on this post. Also i kept writing it in hours like 2/3 am oh yeah, little bonus:

Do i even need to say something? This is the vibe i was referring to while describing Storm and Wave's friendship as ''being friends stuck in the same group project" lmfao

[anrieee]

⇝ 19 - (✍︎) i hate you

Scara’s smile faded as fast as it appeared when he saw you with the guy you posted about on Twitter. He thinks his name was Thomas or something, it didn’t matter, really. Were you on a date with this guy? The thought made his whole being tingle with bitterness and that was evident with the scowl he adorned. But that was how he usually looked anyways, always frowning or straight-faced.

“Kuni~” The annoyingly high-pitched voice that Tin used made his frown deeper, but it also brought him back from his thoughts.

For a moment he forgot that he was here on a date with the unpleasant female. Thinking of being on a date with Tin made him just as upset as he did when he thought of you being on a date with someone else.

“Are you done yet?” He seethed.

“Hm, not yet.” Scara wasn’t sure if Tin can’t read the room or she just ignored that he obviously didn’t wanna be there. “I still need to buy some new stuff from Gucci, some of my clothes are outdated now.”

“Spoiled brat.” Scara muttered under his breath.

Tin tried to drag Scara with her into the store, but he stayed rooted in his spot. Tin looked back towards him, tilting her head in confusion. “Are you not gonna come with me inside?”

“No.” Scara stated firmly and Tin just shrugged. Scara wanted to at least say hi to you.

He started to make his way towards you and the guy you were with. He didn’t know what to say to you, all he wanted was to hear your voice.

“Y/n, hi!” He called out from behind you.

You visibly flinch and turned around in shocked, “Scara? What’s up?”

“I’m here on a date.” He said. He didn’t know what possessed him to say that, but something in him wanted to see how you would react. Er— more specifically, he wanted to see you jealous.

Your eyebrows raise ever so slightly and you shifted uncomfortably. After that, you didn’t seem to show any more reactions seemingly having shut them down. You smiled at him in a way that didn’t reach your eye, “I see. I’m here spending some time with Thoma. I hope you’re enjoying your time with Tin, I’ll see you later.” And with that you quickly turn around and drag the guy with you.

“Who was that?”

“Scaramouche.”

Thoma raised his eyebrows at you, “Are you guys exes?”

“Kinda.”

“Do you like him?”

“I don’t like him at all.” Due to your previous interaction with Scara, your words came out colder than you expected. And unbeknownst to you, Scara had heard the statement loud and clear. In his mind, the way you said it seemed like you actually hated his gut.

“Damn, your tone sounded really harsh. You’re totally je—” Thoma’s voice faded as Scara’s thoughts became louder.

‘They hate you.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Only natural since you’re an inconsiderate asshole.’

‘Shut. Up.’

‘I told you everyone leaves eventually.’ It laughed at Scara and mocked him.

‘They don’t like you enough to stay with you.’

‘Let me rephrase that, they hate you and they finally decided that they couldn’t put up with you anymore. Worthless and annoying.’

‘You’re a handful.’

‘All you do is be a burden. You’re useless. This is why no one actually likes you.’

And Scaramouche spiralled down deeper into the darkness of his mind.

Deeper and

deeper

and deeper.

He felt like he was drowning and he let it happen. He didn’t try to swim up. All he did was lay there limply, like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

He didn’t remember what he did after that. He only remembered the emptiness he felt as he was lost in his mind and the anger. Anger towards himself, you, and everything. And he vividly remembered the impulse he had to text you. To hurt you as much as your words had hurt him.

just a hater — [ prev | masterlist | next ]

Synopsis: In which you major in astronomy and scaramouche is the biggest astronomy hater (in your eyes). What happens when someone confesses their feelings for you, and you not knowing how to handle affections, suddenly blurt out that you are already taken. By who? Well, scaramouche of course.

a/n: was planning on posting this during christmas but eh

taglist: @lovelyiez @linn-a-a @one-offmind @itsyourgirlria @beriiov @kunikuzushiit @bubiblossom @jiminscarmex @starfruiitzz @baelloraa @bleedingwhiteroses222 @zanashair @criminalinthemaking @dee-zbignuts @shizunxie @lxry-chxn @mangobee @sukunasrealgf @reverse-iak @monochromaticelliot @scaranaris-lil-niko @zannivrs @lovely-scaramouchie @ireallylikehamsters @angryhope @monaypo1 @diiucsion @shirmxie @pooonyo @ladyv1n @thenightsflower @aerinrin @suzukara @lfgceo @st0pthatsgay @elysiasbae @saoiirsee @kairxse @prefesro @purpl3bo1 @l-l-u-x-x @otomegame-oneshots @mcryv @kunikuzushisbeloved (?) @cupids-chamber @justawalkingdisaster @scaraapologist @elakari @nicole-inyourhouse @hishui @loveroftheoldestdream @doppoluvbot @crowbird @lunavixia @mirology

[la-pheacienne]

It is certainly true that the show has done a lot to force an unbearable climate onto the remaining book fans, but on the other hand you could also wonder - why is such a large part of this remaining book fandom so hell-bent on fanatically supporting the most stupid, toxic ideas we have seen the show to embrace? I would say as stupid as these plot points were, few of the basic, broad ideas Dave and Dan went for were really things they made up all on their own. Mad Queen theories, the distorted view of so many characters like Arya and so on, these all were echoing things a lot of book fans (the type of milieu many of the people in charge of HBO's output were bred in) always WANTED the story and the characters and their trajectory to be, regardless how well founded these wishes matched the actual text.

The show was echoing bad fanon rooted in the book scene more or less from the beginning, you can trace it directly to how some characters were presented and castings were chosen right from the start. That's also why if you listen more closely to so many of the less bearable people in the book scene, the REAL problem so many of them had with the ideas of the latter parts of the show was that it was done in such a way that the public thought it was trash and didn't accept it. The whole agenda of them is now hoping for the books to emerge as some better written version of the show that finally will convince them all that this worthless trash story that is ironically only loved and wanted by these people alone is actually the correct version of it and its characters everyone should finally accept and digest. As ridiculous as the show was, ironically the most ridiculous parts of it were in truth clumsily made fan service for the worst sentiments that were peddled by and nurtured within the book fandom.

Oh, for sure. Thank you for this ask because you have put into words something that has been turning in my head for a long time.

the REAL problem so many of them had with the ideas of the latter parts of the show was that it was done in such a way that the public thought it was trash and didn't accept it.

After almost a year on tumblr and observing the book fandom and reading the BNFs' metas and theories and fanons and briefly delving into reddit and twitter god forbid, I have to say that I agree with you. I can't say how it was in the past though, I wasn't here. But I am afraid it is exactly as you say it is. I mean, Dany's arc from a hero to a fallen hero to a villain because *she watched her abusive brother die without an emotional reaction, psychopath!*, Jon just randomly exiled beyond the Wall because *subverting expectations*, none of them becoming King/Queen of the Seven Kingdoms/KINT, not even BRIEFLY, not even during the War for the Dawn (ok Jon did), because *throne bAAAAD*, *they're not heroes no one can fix Westeros*, *monarchy bAAAAD*, *subverting expectations*, Sansa getting girlbossified because *subverting expectations*, all of these points that ****supposedly*** sucked in GoT, are the exact same theories shared by a very big and very loud part of the BNF here, if not the majority.

So, what exactly is the internet fandom's problem with the show? Is there any? I literally can't see it, except that it was done too quickly and thus made these stupid theories appear even more stupid than they initially were. I've seen a LOT of posts saying like "oh you should stop wishing for your fav to get the throne, no one will get the throne and no one is 'in the right' (especially in the fire and blood discourse), no one 'deserves' it, the throne will crush and burn, the show has done so much damage to the fandom pitting favs against each other for the throne" etc etc, but that's so funny to me because what they say will happen in the books is literally what happened in the show, at least roughly, and their vibe was the vibe of a huge part, if not the majority, of the show fandom. This super annoying nihilism that I see in (book) BNF right now is the exact.same.nihilism I remember from the show fandom. The exact same one, but with a faux-feminist rosey Stansa touch. That's it. From the "Your heros will not get the throne, losers, Littlefinger will kill them all and prevail, the end" show-only dudebro rationale we went to the "oh nobody can fix Westeros, Dany and Jon will sacrifice themselves (best case, worst case Dany will get all psycho like her daddy and bros), monarchy Targs BAD, Targ feudal system BAD, fuck the Targ lords, team small folk, only coincidentally my fav bbgrl Sansa will actually end up in a conventional and strictly feudal position of power uwu, the end". The common denominator? Nihilism and this obsession for subverting expectations. This parallel is even funnier with hotd, where the show's most non-sensical, straight up delulu plot points are whole-heartedly embraced by, again, a big and very loud part of the BNF (probably the majority). This time the concordance is direct and not even denied, and it's embarrassing when I see their half-ass attempts at criticizing the show, because they literally can't. They actually love it and it's so obvious.

So to get to your point, there are two possibilities here: either the show's nihilistic, faux-edgy, shock value-based direction irrevocably transformed the book fandom, or the book fandom was already in that mindset and the show was based on that and it could very well be the latter.

[sokkastyles]

Another thing I've been seeing more and more of that just isn't supported by the actual show is the idea that Zuko needs to "realize" that Azula worked hard to get where she is, and not only is this victim blaming because it ignores how both Ozai and Azula treated Zuko as a scapegoat, it's also simply not true.

Zuko is the one in the text who believes in working hard, while Azula believes in superiority through inherent ability.

I often see people quoting Zuko's line about how everything came easy to Azula and their father said she was born lucky as evidence of Zuko's "jealousy" of Azula's hard work and skill, and how he needs to realize how much pressure she was under, but those people are forgetting what Zuko says right after that.

I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight, and that's made me strong. That's made me who I am.

Zuko rejects the belief Ozai tried to enforce about being born lucky. He of course still struggles with it, because he's a kid and being told repeatedly by adults that you are inherently worthless is a hard thing to combat without internalizing. Zuko struggles with assuming that he can't generate lightning because it blows up in his face, "like everything always does." Throughout his journey, he learns to embrace working hard, learning and growing to overcome those mental blocks.

But to say that Azula, in comparison, has a better understanding of hard work is just wrong. What Zuko says about struggling and fighting actually is similar to what Azula says about Long Feng.

I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with nothing, so you've had to struggle, and connive, and claw your way to power. But true power, the divine right to rule, is something you're born with.

Azula ultimately disdains the idea of having to struggle to achieve things, and says that true power is something you are born with.

This isn't just an Azula vs Zuko thing, this is a major theme of the story and part of what leads to Azula's ultimate downfall. While Zuko works hard and grows not just in ability but his worldview, adapting and becoming a better person in the process, Azula's worldview narrows in her need to prove her own inherent perfection, which causes her to become more myopic and end up alone.

From the beginning of the story, we see Azula trying to get others to bend to her, even trying to argue against the very tides themselves because of her unwillingness to believe in anything less than her own inherent right. This is also similar to the way other Fire Nation characters show a myopic view of the world that leads them towards megalomania, like Zhao attempting to destroy the moon in pursuit of his own greatness. Both he and Azula think they can defy nature because of their own need to prove themselves powerful. Zuko tries this, too, in "The Storm," and learns one of many lessons about humility and working with others. Azula fails to learn these lessons.

So it's not Zuko who needs to learn this by the end of the series, and especially not from Azula.

I think it's also telling that these people never talk about how much pressure Zuko was under to try and prove he wasn't worthless, and I think that's because by the end, Zuko has realized his own worth, but Azula is still desperately trying to cling to the belief in her own superiority. She's the only one who can relieve that pressure she's putting on herself because she can't let go of the idea that she's not better than other people, and it is not on the people she hurt to try and make her feel better about herself, when she still thinks she's superior to them.

Moreover, I find it very hard to believe that post series Azula would even accept any offer of sympathy from Zuko. This is another example of something Zuko learned in the series that Azula did not, as Iroh says. Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. Azula's belief in her own superiority is, of course, a coping mechanism as a result of very low self-esteem, but she needs to figure out how to deal with that in a way that isn't hurting others. What she doesn't need is constant validation from people she victimized and reinforcement of the same toxic beliefs.

[dj-of-the-coven]

Neku and Joshua - Detail Diatribe

Otherwise known as my complete analysis of Neku and Joshua's relationship, from the first moment they share to the last.

------------

BEFORE YOU READ:

This post is an opinion piece and will thusly be colored by my biases. I am not a big fan of Joshua or the Joshneku ship. This means absolutely nothing about what I think of the people who do like him or Joshneku. I don't think liking villains or morally gray characters makes a person immoral or villainous themselves, nor do I think having a ship that CAN be read as abusive makes anyone an abuse apologist or an actual abuser. Ship and let ship--we're all just here for enjoyment. If reading a negative depiction of Joshua or Joshneku will upset you then I implore you not to read this essay. Please take care of yourself and block liberally! This post is also NO EXCUSE to send harassment towards Joshua fans or Joshneku shippers. It is meant to be analysis of a fictional relationship in a game that I enjoy, not a reason to bully or make fun of people who disagree with my reading of the text. To ensure that those sensitive to Joshua-critical arguments do not see this post, I will not be tagging it with any of Joshua's character or ship tags and I humbly ask that you refrain from adding them as well. BE KIND TO PEOPLE AND BE UNDERSTANDING OF THOSE WITH DIFFERENT PREFERENCES.

------------

Whether or not you liked Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu after finishing The World Ends With You, it's no stretch of the imagination to say that his character is incredibly complicated--both morally and textually--to fully grasp. His opinions are often hidden behind layers of fluff and fancy words, and his actions might be even less comprehensible at times. He was the one responsible for kicking the plot of the entire first game into action. To put things bluntly: Joshua wanted to purge the world of something he deemed worthless, humanity, so he non-consensually "employed the help" of the moodiest teenage boy in the city to gamble over the lives and deaths of about 203,500 people in a game that cost his proxy...

his memories (initially)

three full weeks of his life

the life and safety of a new friend (twice)

the life and safety of a new friend's little sister (whose erasure he witnessed)

the lives and safety of literally every person he's ever met in his lifetime (e.g. the roughly 203,500 people living in Shibuya, Tokyo in 2007-2008)

his own safety

his stable perception of reality

And eventually, upon being sent to Shinjuku...

three whole years of his life

three years of his living memory (it's unclear as to whether ANYBODY but Beat and Shiki were able to remember him)

three years he could've spent with his new friends

three years of physical touch and interaction with living humans

the rest of his already ruined health and sanity

And this was after the proxy extended his friendship and good will to Joshua, despite him being unable to forgive the atrocities committed against him during those initial weeks of the game.

This begs the question, "Is Joshua a good person?"

Well, I wouldn't say he's a great one. I'm personally not so fond of those who perform genocide as a silly thought experiment, and I don't think most people are either--however, in the context of the game, this doesn't feel true. It does not feel true that Joshua wanted to kill, or was at least ambivalent about killing, 203,500 people in one swoop. Joshua's definitely supposed to be annoying, a bit disturbing, and NOT the good guy, but he also doesn't feel like a genocidal maniac within the context of the story. He feels like an annoying little bitch, and that's for the very important reason that he needs to reasonably be comparable to Neku Sakuraba, his proxy.

Part 1: Sides of the Same Coin

Neku Sakuraba was a boy who had closed himself fully off from the world before his involvement in the Reaper's Game. He had no friends, nor did he want any, as he was under the false impression that humanity had literally nothing to offer him; to Neku, people were burdens he was forced to bear and obstacles to weather through in order to live a peaceful life. This makes him the perfect proxy for Joshua at the start of TWEWY, because Joshua was operating on nearly the exact same axis of thinking. Humanity had nothing to offer him. He thought himself above it, so he felt no real remorse at the idea of making them all go away.

The way that the two of them differ, however, is that Neku was essentially being untruthful with himself in order to maintain his fragile worldview. It took less than a full week with a kind person for his ideology to start crumbling around him. This only continued to happen when he was confronted with someone who hated people, a boy exactly like him, in week 2. Neku's time with Joshua was fraught with conflict, manipulated actions and memories, and confrontation with the existential horror of needless cruelty. It served to show that he was already displacing himself from the niche he'd wanted to fit into. Neku no longer worked as a real, proper proxy to Joshua once he started to open up to others and expand his thinking. This was only cemented when Neku started his third week learning about acts of selflessness, first with Joshua's "sacrifice", then with Beat's act of true mercy, benefiting nobody but Neku himself. Neku could no longer be a proxy to a murderer. Through Beat's actions (and Joshua's perceived death), he learned the value of human life--why someone he didn't even get along with would put himself in danger just to make sure Neku had a fighting chance.

Neku was like Joshua, but he was able to start seeing the humanity in others after spending time with only one of them. Neku is what happens when someone like Joshua deconstructs their worldview at its core, opens up to new people, makes friends, and truly gets to know them. That's the first half of the foil. In order to complete this foil, Joshua is what happens when someone like Neku does not deconstruct their worldview. While Neku was learning an ideology of trust and mutual benefit, Joshua was still viewing everything as transactional, up until the very end. He crushed what little was left of Neku's trust by proposing the shootout at the end of the game--also taking Shiki and Beat for good measure--then asked the boy he'd been emotionally and physically manipulating for weeks to kill him.

When Neku put down his gun, he was displaying an ultimate act of selflessness. Not because he thought Joshua was deserving, as he admitted through his own words that he didn't forgive Joshua for what was done to him, but because he wanted to trust that Joshua could change.

Neku had the maturity at that point to realize that he and Joshua were fundamentally the same: neither of them understood why people bothered to help each other, but Neku, crucially, had been offered a way out through Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and a number of other side characters. At the end of the first game, Neku had learned all he needed to know about why humanity was worth saving. He even tried to extend a hand to Joshua in spite of his deep hurt, asking him to come meet him and his friends at Hachiko for a second chance. But Joshua didn't take this invitation. And by refusing his second chance, Joshua's foil with Neku was completed, leading him to a life of literal inhuman detachment as an angel.

Now, how does Neku feel about his act of mercy being rejected?

Part 2: A New Day

During the events of A New Day, we get to see Neku after an indeterminable amount of time since the Game ended, at least more than one week and less than one year. There are a few important things that get established on this day:

Neku regularly sees Beat, or at least has seen him recently, not commenting on any long separation when they get inexplicably paired up for a game

Beat has a very negative view of Joshua, exclaiming "Priss Kid!? Lemme at 'im!" when his name is first mentioned

Neku does not have major qualms about this behavior, only responding with "Wh-whoa, slow down."

When having memories of his first death, Neku's face is dark, implying that he has no fond recollection of the incident

It is implied that Neku and Beat have not seen Joshua at all since the end of the Game

Beat calls Joshua a whack-job, and Neku again has no problem with or comment on it

Beat is rude and confrontational towards Joshua during their entire conversation, and Neku has no reaction to any of it, implying his silent approval

Immediately upon returning to the RG, Neku makes plans with Shiki to hang out, and chats lightly with Beat, but shows no concern for the whereabouts of Joshua

When Neku is shot by Coco, the camera first pans to Joshua's gun, NOT Coco's, mimicking an episode of PTSD from Neku's perspective

In short, we can see what Neku is like in a world without Joshua's continued presence... and it appears that he's doing fine, minus the lingering pain of a traumatic incident. He hangs out with his friends. He talks to them, or at least to Beat, enough for him to know that Joshua has majorly wronged him. Beat's anger can be extrapolated as protective, and his anger towards Joshua is treated by both of them as justified. Neku has told Beat enough about his death and partnership with Joshua for it to be old news--old news that Beat is sympathetic about to the point of wanting to immediately wail on the angel at the first mention of his name.

So, how did Neku feel about Joshua after the first game? Based off this information, it seems like Neku had been willing to befriend Joshua for real--but treated it as a missed opportunity. He moved on with his life as normally as possible given the circumstances, and even began to consider his time with Joshua to be somewhat traumatic, at least enough that was willing to pour his feelings about it out to Beat at some point. And this, keep in mind, is before the reckoning.

Part 3: Isolation and Desolation

Isolation does funny things to people's heads. According to this article published by the Prison Policy Initiative, people who go through extended isolation or solitary confinement often experience significant changes in memory and personality; changes that are mostly permanent. It's so damaging to memory in particular that isolation physically shrinks the part of the brain that plays the biggest role in memory after too long without human interaction, and this point comes much sooner than many people realize: after only fifteen consecutive days. Beyond the sixteenth day, forced isolation is considered by the UN to be a type of psychological torture.

Neku was subjected to this torture for three consecutive years.

No breaks, no visitors, no living people. Neku was in isolation for three entire years, waiting for Joshua or anyone else to release him.

Knowing about the effects of isolation on personality, it's easy to see the ways that Neku has changed when he returns to Shibuya after his time away. Despite being warm and amicable, seemingly all smiles, it's immediately obvious to players of the original TWEWY that his personality is lacking something important--that being the trademark snarkiness that made him such a compelling narrator. He has his moments of course, but for the most part, he's very different from how he was as a young teenager. He's soft-spoken with everyone and is mostly content to trail behind Beat as he catches up on the things he'd missed in his time away. He takes less action than he used to. He's less blunt. Considering all that was happening at the time, it makes sense that Neku wasn't too talkative about his own problems, but he hardly mentions anything at all about the place he spent three years being fully, completely isolated in. He even lies to the Twisters about knowing who put him there in the first place. Neku is clearly... off. And I bet that not all of it is unintentional on the part of the developers.

A thing that we in the TWEWY fandom joke about a lot is that Neku keeps befriending his murders, but to be fair, this is actually a bit of a non-point when you think about the fact that Neku has gone through a massive, relentless trauma of total isolation. After being by himself in Shinjuku for so long, he was probably desperate enough to talk to someone for his memories of anyone to start shifting, to give him literally anything to hold onto in an attempt to keep himself alive. This is compounded with the fact that time also changes one's own perception of past traumas. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that his memory of the time before his isolation would be hazy and hard to grasp, and this goes double for anything before the Game. He remembers the important bits--the people who inspired him, the intimate moments they shared, the fear and uncertainty that plagued those weeks--but he remembers everything in its vague emotional constructs, and some of those emotions smudge onto each other. So, when he sees Joshua in NEO, he smiles.

I'm not saying that Neku is literally remembering everything improperly, but I am saying that his recollection of the Game is colored by the fact that it was the last time that he'd been with people before he was isolated. He sees his time there as more nostalgic because it was the "before" to his "after". Neku is happy to see anybody from his past at this moment; he's reeling from the experience of suddenly being around them again. Combined with Neku's general dislike for unnecessary conflict (lying to the Twisters & not telling Beat about Coco, both to avoid making a scene), and also being in the middle of something too important to be derailed with petty fighting, he decides to take Joshua's sudden appearance as comforting. He's not necessarily happy to see Joshua anymore than he's just happy to see somebody that he knows.

This is a huge contrast with how we see him thinking about Joshua in A New Day, in which nearly every mention of him is treated as negative or neutral by both Neku and Beat alike. The expected thing for Neku to do here would be to first act surprised, then roll his eyes or make an annoyed sound. But instead, he smiles and allows Joshua to stay before returning to the task at hand. Why is he glad to see the man who killed him and then rejected his friendship? Well, that's because he isn't really, or at least not to the extent that a lot of fanon content would have you believe. It only looks like that if you don't compare how he interacts with Joshua to the way he interacts with Shiki and Beat.

Neku's reunion with Beat is one of the most beautiful cutscenes in the game, full of warm light and soft expressions:

Their eyes meet, and they grasp hands, coming together in a shower of golden bubbles and sparkles. It's pure magic.

As for Neku's reunion with Shiki, it's less spectacular, but appropriately emotional and sweet:

Meanwhile, Joshua gets introduced like this:

The difference is obvious. Joshua gets almost no fanfare from the narrative, not even receiving some sort of special animation or character sprite for the moment. And though Neku does eventually crack a smile, his initial reaction is stunned and doesn't change until the whole dialogue is through. He smiles a little right after he says "Not at all, partner".

"Partner" is the word that's the most important to this reading. Neku smiles after he affirms Joshua as his partner--someone he knew and briefly traveled with before his extended isolation in Shinjuku. E.g., someone he placed trust in. Someone he used to speak to after years of not speaking to anyone. Essentially, even though Neku had little to do with Joshua after the events of the Game, and definitely doesn't get along with him... he also does want to trust him, which runs directly counter to the moment that Joshua admits he didn't trust Neku enough to release him from Shinjuku. Neku's memories are warped by years of being so fully alone that it changed his whole manner of speaking and interacting with the world. Of course he clings to a familiar face and voice, if only for a moment.

But here's exactly where that moment ends:

Neku immediately loses that smile from earlier, confronting Joshua with a deadpan expression.

He asks Joshua about a couple of loose ends. Then, when Joshua mentions that he had plans to intervene if Neku and his friends were unable to do anything, he smiles again and he asks to go home. At this point, his grand reunion with Joshua has been completed: now he knows that Joshua has little visible remorse about what he's done, but at least he also has confirmation that Joshua had been planning some kind of backup in case Neku wasn't able to pull through. Neku's demeanor was largely uncomfortable and stiff until the moment that he realized it was all going to be okay. It was only after Joshua mentioned that he would've saved the city anyway that he truly relaxed--he does trust Joshua at his word, after all. And then he decides to go home, back to Shiki and Beat, the way he'd been wanting to.

Part 4: Conclusion

Neku and Joshua's relationship is like a rubix cube: a question with a simple answer, but a method of solving so complex that the majority of people who pick it up will never finish the puzzle. Most TWEWY fans do what humans do best and slap a romantic label on it, but I think doing that and ignoring some of the other dimensions to their relationship does a bit of a disservice to the way that Neku was treated by Joshua throughout the series, regardless of whatever his true intentions may have been. It's fair to say that Neku, Shiki, and Beat are best friends--if not something much stronger--just based off the way they interact, particularly with the beautiful mundane moments we get to see between Beat and Neku in NEO as party members.

On the other hand, for Joshua, his moments are few and far in between after the original game ends, but his presence is still a lingering thread throughout Neku's life that forces him to reckon with himself again and again. He could've been like him. He didn't end up that way, and so they can't truly be close. Neku wants to remember him fondly. For a moment, he does, until he remembers who was the warden for his years-long imprisonment. They are mirrors of each other and they will each haunt each other's actions forever, with Neku as Joshua's guilty conscience and Joshua as Neku's ironic shoulder devil. I don't think they could ever be described as friends, given their history, though I do think that they'll probably meet up for coffee once a year and make incredibly intense eye contact. Neku will silently ask why Joshua did it all, and Joshua will sip from his cup without ever answering the question. Maybe both of them or neither of them truly know.

[fancyferretz24]

so in the last post i said i'd explain the situation, but do excuse me if my grammar is bad.

so recently i've been having trouble with a "friend" that i'll just call 'Z'. For context i am actually in my teen years, and when i first be-friended Z i worked up the courage to show her the dip art, and she cringed at it, and that was first time i questioned myself for liking dip, but that was only a small part, and that wasn't what made her 'fake'. She almost all the time put me down for my interests, or just made me feel hateful to myself, for example she'd sometimes fake laugh at my jokes and get my hopes up only to stop and make me look stupid. She'd also draw pictures of me ugly and with crazy hair, and she only really talked to me in science class, basically making me feel like a "back-up friend" for when she was bored in science. She also had stolen project ideas from me and got credit for it.

Speaking of projects this is one of the worst things she's done. So there was a group project, and she picked me as a partner, and if you don't know me, i felt excited and didn't turn her down because i like feeling needed, and i had to partner up with her and had to leave my bestest friend to have into a group of three 😢. anyways it was the night before the due date and before at school, i specifically told her that she'd make the scripts and i would do the labels and when i asked her to send the scripts so i can edit them she just kept denying, and telling me she was gonna do it for me and "I should just be grateful that she was doing it for me". Another thing about me, is that in group projects, i want to be a big part of it, because if i don't i feel like shit 🙃, and it makes me feel lazy and worthless. And i was telling her this repeatedly and she kept blowing me off and telling me to calm down and i don't have to even do anything, and i was having a mental break down. later i got to the point where i got so angry that i cursed her out on text, and i felt like a horrible, shitty friend. and that next day i apologized but she never apologized to me, she just said i was fine.

anyways there's still more but that's only if you guys wanna here, sorry for this being so long.

but i just wanna say thanks for all the support i get from all of yall, you guys are the only reason i haven't quit on my interests or ditched drawing in my art style. And even small compliments on my drawings or artstyle make me happy 😊.

(thanks @spawnoferis and @ilovepippirrip for the small comments they really meant alot to me <3<3<3)

[setsuntamew]

Okay. I just have to know what "legknives & the wall" is.

Ahhhh absolutely, it's something I've been picking at on and off for the past month OwO It's based somewhat on reading this post and having it roll around in my head for awhile and then somehow, it turned into angsty fanfic- as one does.

There’s an impenetrable wall between them, reaching high, high above the surface of their wretched planet and into the heavens, cutting through the stars and the debris and perhaps every other planet out there: an insurmountable force that is more than anything else in existence. And it’s so much less. How little would things have to change to shift even just one brick in the foundation? How little would it have to shift for it to come tumbling down, burying them and every worthless creature sharing this barren rock? How much would it take? How little would it take? How little would they have to change and how much would they lose the core of who they are as people, as beings, as anything? Legato cannot imagine an existence where Millions Knives is not his entire existence. Legato Bluesummers exists because of Knives’s divine mercy and would be nothing without Knives; Legato Bluesummers is his devotion and every complication that entails. He will follow Knives until the end of time if he demands it and he will worship whatever Knives is and whatever he does. But— But he cannot imagine a life that is not this. He cannot imagine a life where Knives’s kindness extends any further than it already does because he cannot imagine a life where he is anything but an inferior creature in comparison. Knives allows him to follow at his heels and Legato cannot see over the impossibly vast wall that looms before him. Knives can do everything and anything and he forces himself to build ever-higher walls around his heart, bricking himself off from pain and betrayal and joy in equal parts. His fear begets loneliness as much as he craves the company of another; his loneliness begets a spiral of hatred that draws in the company he craves. The idea of trust is crushed and ground apart until its absence is what holds the wall together; its absence is the support system in a failing ship; its absence is permanent and prevalent. And one day, its absence is missed and neither of them realize it is because of how delicate the threads that hold it together are, the burning light of twin suns glinting off the only remains that persist.

This is still a pretty rough draft of it, since there's uhhhh a lot more happening in the WIP and I wanna format it to actually make a wall out of text some???how?????? I think??????????? I had to put it aside for a bit, but I wanna come back to it OwO

[fayesdiary]

Faye's Fòdlan Journey: Season 1 - Chapter 1: Welcome to Fòdlan

Introduction

<-Previous Masterpost Next->

After two posts' worth of introductions and preambling, we can finally start playing the actual game.

The objective is simple: Defeat the bandits' leader before they burn down the village. Easy enough.

Weapon Durability returns in this game, contrary to Fates, Echoes and Engage. Personally I feel pretty neutral towards the mechanic as a whole, but it's a nice way to balance Combat Arts, returning from Echoes and consuming durability instead of HP this time.

Here when a weapon breaks, instead of disappearing altogether or turning into a worthless 30 weight 0 might weapon you have to repair or get rid off, it gets a penalty in Might, Hit and Attack Speed, which could be a more elegant solution depending on how severe it is.

Bows also seem to work like they did in Echoes, with an added penalty on hit the further you attack from. Which is, you know, pretty fair. Wonder if Hunter's Volley is just as busted here.

After having a pleasant chat with the three completely ordinary kids, they along with Byleth begin clearing out the bandits, while Jeralt sits in the back doing fuck all and yelling random advice.

Thanks, dad. Really cool.

Good thing Edelgard's there to pick up his slack with the first crit of the game.

Also the proportions between the characters and the village is really funny. My main Edelgard headcanon is that she's a huge kaiju fangirl, so it's nice to see she's fulfilling her dreams. All she needs now is learn how to fire a laser from her mouth.

After killing a few bandits, their leader shows up to pick a fight with Byleth.

They kill him pretty easily.

Except Kostas must have smuggled a Revival Stone from Elyos, since he gets back up like it's nothing.

He charges at Edelgard, but Byleth puts themselves in the way.

But just when the bandit is about to strike...

The world stops.

And Byleth finds themselves in front of Sothis once more, who is pretty peeved they were about to throw away their life so recklessly, since that would also kill her.

She finally introduces herself: Her name is Sothis, also known as "The Beginning". Though she wouldn't be able to tell you why is that, given that lo and behold, she has amnesia, the favorite plot point of modern Fire Emblem.

Someone had to have it, and since Byleth seems to have all of their memories, she lost her privilege to hers. Honestly, I think she'd get along with Alear.

One thing's for sure, though: Her first impression of Byleth is... less then stellar. While she lives and breathes sass and metaphors and moves and emotes a lot for someone with the eepy disease, Byleth is overly blunt, barely emotes and tells morbid jokes with such a straight face everyone thinks they're serious.

Or at least, I'm having them be that way. I love the idea of Byleth being selectively mute and socially inept.

(Also apparently support points can go down? I doubt you'd be able to get the characters to dislike you so it probably just hinders your progress to get their convos)

Apparently Sothis stopped time, something she herself didn't remember she could do. Well, that's convenient.

Luckily for both of them, she figures out she can reverse time too.

Not thanks to Byleth, who joked they could just sit here and wait to die.

Sothis turns back time just enough for Byleth to react to the bandit's attack, bids them farewell with some cryptic nonsense and- wait, is that readable text?

Upon further inspection, it is, even if the only phrase I recognise is at the top, "The goddess always lives in heaven and Fòdlan" and "It is watching over us. The mother[???]".

That's neat! Didn't expect to see readable text in actual English. Usually this stuff is hidden with a special alphabet.

Anyway, this time instead of just putting themselves in front of Edelgard Byleth actually strikes back at the bandit leader, finally putting him down for good.

Wait is he aware Byleth turned back time? How!?

Byleth earns the MVP, which in this game looks like one of those photos you'd get for Employee of the Month. Which I suppose makes sense.

A face shows late to the party. It's Alois, of the Knights of Seiros.

He's really happy to see Jeralt after 20 years, who apparently was the former captain.

Jeralt is way less thrilled to see him, though.

Jeralt and Byleth are "invited" to return to the Garreg Mach Monastery with Alois and the Three House Leaders. I say "invited" becuse Jeralt clearly does not want to go there but feels he has no choice, and I suspect Byleth would just go wherever their father goes.

Before heading out, Byleth has a chat with Edelgard, Dimitri and Claude, who all seem... oddly interested in them.

Huh. Jeralt would have done wonders in Elyos with a name like that.

Claude makes it clear once again that our presence at the monastery is, in fact, mandatory. So for all of those who hoped there was a secret fifth route where Byleth just retreats to the woods and lives a long, peaceful life, I'm sorry to crush your dreams.

They finally mention they're students at the Officers Academy of the Monastery. And through a quarrel they immediately start with each other, we learn they're the heirs of their respective nations.

Whoah. Shocker, I know.

And already not only they're fighting each other (seriously guys it's only the prologue, fucking chill), they are all strangely in awe of Byleth despite them having just killed a few bandits (with their help no less) and are already fighting each other to have them join their side. Boy, this does not bode well for the future.

WAIT I ALREADY HAVE TO CHOOSE WHAT

I know I'm going to choose Dimitri regardless given this is Azure Moon, but GEEZ this is way too soon to force a choice like this onto the player! You just met these people and already you have to declare your allegiance to one of them!

With that choice way too important for just the prologue of the whole game being done, we finally head back to the monastery.

But not before Byleth ponders a bit about the three of them.

They think Claude has an easy smile that is striking as well as fake, that Edelgard is constantly judging them and that Dimitri seems honest but with a lot of darkness to hide. What that means, we still don't know.

All in all, a decent Prologue. There isn't a lot here to chew on, but it shows the basic mechanics fine enough. The lightning is great and I LOVE Fòdlan Winds as a track.

Fòdlan as a whole has a particularly distinct sound, I think. Though I wouldn't be able to tell you why.

I am still baffled they have you choose a route this soon, though, and while the house leaders bickering with each other already is just worrying in-universe for the storm that will one day come, the fact they already seem to be throwing themselves at Byleth's feet for just killing a few bandits is mainly concerning for the narrative.

While I don't think power fantasies are inherently a bad thing, I fear it wouldn't gel at all with what Fòdlan seems to be going for. But I guess we'll see.

Lastly before closing off, a few notes about the characters we met until now.

Seiros: Local goddess is fucking pissed. I guess we'll see the aftermath of what happened in the intro soon enough. Also I still swear her design is Greek-inspired.

Nemesis: Wonder what caused the war between him and Seiros to begin with?

My guess is likely the creation of the legendary weapons given that, you know, they seem to be made out of Seiros' family and that is enough reason for her to want him dead. But if that's the case, we still don't know why he did that. Is it just for power, or something else?

Byleth: Not gonna lie, getting a few red flags from the way they're handled. No customization options, a mostly silent protagonist, their dialogue choices may very well have barely any effect. Not to mention they already seem to sloowly gravitate the plot around them.

Jeralt:

Jokes aside, he seems fine as a parent. Save for him not doing anything during a bandit attack.

The question is always not if he's gonna kick the bucket, but when. I even somewhat know the how.

Hey, he's a Fire Emblem parent, is that really a spoiler?

By the way, I'm suprised he's a Paladin. Always thought he was, you know, a Mercenary, but maybe that's just because I kept comparing him to Greil given they're both mercenary dads.

Sothis:

BEST GIRL BEST GIRL BEST GI-

*ahem*

I freaking love her.

She's the perfect combination between refined and a sassy chaotic gremlin, and she has one of my favorite tropes which is living inside another character's body. I am SO excited she can talk to Byleth whenever (and apparently read their thoughts?) and can't wait to see what they do with her!

Alois: Very little to say since we barely met him, but he seems a jolly fellow.

Claude: You know, maybe this is a 4D chess move I don't understand, but isn't the whole point of a schemer and deciever to NOT come across as sketchy? I feel constantly talking about how sus you are kinda undermines that but, what do I know.

Edelgard: Ah, the one who just mentioning her name starts a flame war. Not much to say about her yet, although she seems the type to sleep light with a few knives on her person, given how openly mistrusting of others she is.

Also she is a massive kaiju fangirl. I don't care how little sense that makes, you will have to take that headcnon from my dead body.

Dimitri: Honestly right now I'm just waiting to see what that "darkness" is about. I just know it will lead to him becoming VERY murdery in the timeskip so boy, can't wait to see him snap.

Introduction

<-Previous Masterpost Next->

[weepingpussywillowtree]

To the people asking why they shouldn't use chat gpt and/or calling op a bigot for "discriminating against neurodivergent people" (also, yes goblin tools uses gpt, I see some people confused about that) I am an autistic software engineer here to explain. Here are some of the main reasons people object to AI usage:

1) environmental impact. AI uses a frankly disgusting amount of power and water. It took almost 300,000 kwh to just train chat gpt 3, and enough water to fill a nuclear reactors cooling tower. Some people will argue that only the training is this resource intensive and once the model is trained the damage is already done. This is untrue, as every conversation with chat gpt you have is the equivalent of wasting a large bottle of water and leaving a light on for an hour. Even if it was true, these companies are constantly training and improving existing models, and justifying that cost to their shareholders partially with YOUR use of their tool. And yes, big tech had a water and energy problem long before LLMs, but LLMs are significantly worse and only worsening.

2) it doesn't KNOW anything. This one is more philosophical, but chat gpt is advanced text prediction and arranging. Even researchers themselves are starting to accept that they will never be able to eliminate so called "hallucinations", which is when the model makes something plausible sounding up basically. It is not a "better search engine" because it is not retrieving any factual data, it is generating the most statistically probable results based on its training data, which will sometimes produce a desired output, but sometimes produces flat out nonsense. As well, you have to do your own fact checking. On Google, you can see the source of where something came from and who wrote, and gpt robs you of that context. There is no such thing as bias free, purely factual information unless we're talking incredibly basic questions and the info from chat gpt is basically worthless if it has no sources, no context, no author, and is made up by the model.

3) theft. This one is controversial, some people will argue that if you put something publicly on the Internet you are passively consenting to its use, but if I repost someones article without credit/claiming it as my own, they can still request that that article gets taken down. But the facts are that open AI used a dataset that scraped an absolutely massive amount of Internet data to train their model without asking, and you can get chat gpt to produce chunks of that text, especially in niche topics. For example, the software I work with is relatively niche and if you use chat gpt to get answers to questions about it, it will word for word reproduce some chunks of the actual documentation, mixed in with nonsense and with no accreditation. If you are using chat gpt for homework answers, you are potentially plagiarizing word for word chunks of other people's work.

4) this is one I don't see talked about often, but it's one that I feel is important. BIAS. GPT scraped the internet. Meaning, its word salads are entirely based on people who have internet access, and even more than that, people who post or post frequently on the Internet. That's a really small portion of the whole population. So, do you really want your word salads to have that kind of bias? Especially if you are using them for work or homework?? Wouldn't you rather put your unique, diverse, voice into the world?

Ultimately, using LLMs is an ethical decision you have to make and live with, but you should do it while understanding why people object to them, and also while understanding that the model doesn't know anything, it's like an advanced magic eight ball. Don't just play the victim and refuse to listen to concerns. Or call everyone taking issue with your use a bigot.

[xiafeng]

hey i wanna stay anon but i enjoy reading your posts. I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. You are enough. <3

Thank you for your kind words, anon. But maybe I don't deserve that happiness. I've hurt people that were close to me, lied, been greedy, manipulative, and cold. I made my life complicated when it didn't need to be, instead of focusing on me and my own; as they say, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Now, my heart is twisted and turned in on itself. And instead of focusing on putting my broken life back together due to all this, I find my heart and head wandering to things they shouldn't, and quite frankly, things that don't even matter anymore. Would you happen to know, anon, how to convince your heart to let go of something that never was? A figment of my imagination, pieced together through late-night messages and sad songs in playlists?

I guess I'll just continue to fake my smile, and hopefully I'll eventually forget that I'm faking it at all. And in those few times that I'm genuinely happy, try to hyper-fixate on that happiness rather than let my mind continue to wander to that dark, empty place in the back of my mind and at the bottom of my heart, and ruin the moment with that overflowing despair and numbness. Continue to keep myself busy, so that my mind is too occupied to be left to its own devices. Explore more way of altering myself so that every time I look in the mirror, it's someone everyone, or at least I myself, can't recognize, in the vain attempt to distance myself, even physically, from everything that transpired.

But I can't shake the dreadful fear of accidentally bumping into people who were present in that past of which I'm trying to escape. I fearfully anticipate the instant heart-rushing palpitations, that momentary freezing of time, as everything fades away, leaving the two of us suspended in emotional Limbo.

Throughout all this turmoil, I realized that I actually missed funneling my thoughts and feelings into text, and looking back at my past writings, I had the unfortunate experience of acknowledging that my personal composition skills had degraded beyond recognition. So, until the point that I can breathe without this crushing weight perpetually pushing down on my chest, I guess lucky for you, anon, as this means I'll probably be making more posts here for you to read. Honestly, though, I had no idea anyone at all still spent their precious time meandering through my writings, which always felt like they were worthless to anyone aside from myself, so thank you for sharing that there's someone other than myself peering into my maelstrom of thoughts and feelings. You're always welcome amongst these stormy seas.

[thequackcity]

Quackity and Schlatt’s Relationship - More Complicated Then You Think

(this is all /rp and about the characters from the dream smp! pls assume i have the dignity not to write analysis of youtubers)

recently there was a bit of discourse surrounding the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt floating around on tumblr. tho i never saw the original post that sparked the conversation, i did see a few posts that were inspired by it mentioning how they disliked that the original post implied that Quackity and Schlatt were mutually abusive and/or equally bad for each other 

since i never saw the original post, i can't be sure if that's what the op meant to imply. it's not really my place to speak about a post that i never got the chance to read. BUT the conversation that was caused by the post in question did get me thinking about how this fandom treats the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt and how little nuance there is in discussions about it

now before i say anything else, i want to make a few things clear:

i don't think Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship is mutually abusive. no need to worry about hearing that from this post

i don't look down on ppl who have different interpretations of their relationship

there will be potentially triggering content in this analysis. i will place a quick warning whenever i think one is needed!

their relationship is romantic in canon and therefore i’ll be treating it as romantic

alright now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, we can finally get on with the analysis! i apologize for how long this is gonna be

part 1: let's talk relationship!

i think we can all agree that Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not exactly a healthy one. tho it didn't start out that way, it certainly turned into what could be read as abusive or toxic (i personally read their relationship as being abusive in its later half due to evidence provided by the text, but i understand if others prefer to view it as just toxic instead)

but what happened that led to their partnership ending so badly? what caused all of this mess?

well, it was a lot of things. but we will get to that later. let's talk relationship first!

from the very beginning, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was pretty one-sided. tho they both clearly liked each other as friends/partners in crime both before and after the election (yes they did interact before the election!) Quackity was also interested in Schlatt romantically- something that Schlatt wasn't fully committed to

as we all know from the infamous date stream and from a few other moments, Quackity and Schlatt enjoyed playfully flirting with each other- tho it was pretty obvious that Quackity was more serious about it then Schlatt was even tho Schlatt considered Quackity to be very attractive

in my opinion, Quackity is someone who wants a long term relationship, while Schlatt is more interested in flings. this can be seen in Schlatt refusing to marry Quackity and rejecting most of his advances while Quackity tried his best to convince him to feel otherwise. Tommy put it best: Quackity is just one of Schlatt’s many bitches U_U

to Quackity, the romantic aspect of their relationship was very important. because Schlatt never actually shot him down or told him that he didn't feel the same way, Quackity took that to mean that they were truly in love. Schlatt on the other hand wasn't very invested in the romantic side of things but clearly valued Quackity’s looks and his support as an ally against Pogtopia so he never fully rejected Quackity’s advances

this might not seem like too big of a deal considering the other things that happened between them, but i think it shows part of the nature of their relationship. there is a lot of miscommunication and, on Schlatt’s end, manipulation of emotions. love is a strong motivator for loyalty and Schlatt is a smart guy who would know how to use that to his advantage

but that isn't to say that Schlatt didn't ever care about Quackity!

Schlatt is a complicated guy and figuring out when he's actually being genuine can be pretty difficult. but i think there are some moments that point to Schlatt genuinely caring about Quackity

when he was alive, Schlatt was pretty paranoid. not as paranoid as Wilbur, but certainly up there. but there were never any times where he truly questioned Quackity’s loyalties after his first day as president. Schlatt also seemed truly upset that Quackity betrayed him, bringing up their status as partners in crime while ranting about how much it hurt him and singling Quackity out while talking about how he had been abandoned during his time of need

Schlatt also spent a lot of time sulking after Quackity betrayed him and whining to Ponk about needing a new bitch. this is in contrast to how angry he was after Tubbo betrayed him- both during and after the execution

there is also the situation with the Big Man Gym 

after being dead for a while, Schlatt contacted Quackity despite them leaving off on bad terms and asked for him to visit him in his cave gym. when Quackity showed up, Schlatt talked about how he valued their relationship and the good times they had together. tho this can easily be seen as emotional manipulation, Schlatt’s a lot smarter than he seems and- if he doesnt have memory issues due to being a ghost- would know that Quackity’s opinion of him was in the dump at the time of his death and most likely wouldn't have improved since then. Fundy has a higher opinion of Schlatt than Quackity does and is someone who obviously craves validation. but Schlatt went to Quackity first anyway and trusted him to help revive him

i think that this is all good evidence that points towards Schlatt truly caring about Quackity as much as someone like Schlatt can care about anyone- or at least valuing him as a companion

i also think that it is pretty common knowledge that Quackity cared about Schlatt- and possibly still does- but i will go over a bit of evidence that i haven’t already mentioned before we move on to the next part

Quackity tried multiple times to impress Schlatt (like when he lied about knowing how to play chess), would attempt to help Schlatt when he was drowning in water, sadly said that they could have had something together while Schlatt was dying in the caravan, and implied that he wouldn’t have left if Schlatt hadn’t taken down the white house. Quackity also willingly went to the Big Man Gym after being summoned there by Schlatt and wanted to revive him long before the revive book became part of the story

part 2: what made it fall apart?

everything i've said so far has been pretty interesting (hopefully) but it doesn't really answer the original question: what went wrong to turn Schlatt and Quackity’s mainly positive partnership sour?

well it comes down to two things in my opinion: their incompatible desires for political power and Schlatt’s deteriorating mental state

Quackity wanted political power from the beginning and wasn't afraid to be open about his desires. he pooled his votes with Schlatt because Schlatt offered him the position of vice president, something Wilbur and Tommy weren’t willing to give to him. tho Quackity obviously cared about L’Manburg and wanted to see good things for it, he also desired power and was willing to team up with someone he didn't fully agree with to get said power

at 32:40 in this video, Quackity talks about how in politics everyone uses everyone so it's alright if Schlatt is using him. he then talks about how he doesn't want to be a man with no power and how he understands that Schlatt’s main goal is also gaining/keeping power. Quackity also shows a bit of his naughty evil side by saying if he overthrows Schlatt then the fun ends too early! 

(side note: these two are pretty evenly matched in intelligence and manipulativeness, i love it!) 

it's a bit of a fandom misconception that Quackity was a love sick yes man during the Manburg era. tho Quackity did want to please Schlatt and was in love with him, he didn't shy away from standing up to or disagreeing with Schlatt when he believed it was needed

at around 26:12 of this video, Quackity and Schlatt meet together in private and Quackity tells Schlatt off for playing down his role in the power structure of Manburg. since this was very early in Schlatt’s reign, Quackity shows no fear towards him and confidently tells him not to treat him like that

Quackity also broke Niki out of jail after regretting letting her be put there in the first place, tried to convince Schlatt to not execute Tubbo, jumped in front of Fundy when Schlatt tried to attack him, tried to stop Schlatt from tearing down buildings, and attempted to protect the white house he built from being destroyed by Schlatt. these are not behaviors of a pure yes man but of someone who, despite fear, has the confidence to speak up for himself even when disrespected by someone in authority

Quackity has always been someone who wanted power and someone who was never a yes man to authority. this contradicts with how Schlatt believed Quackity should act as vice president. in Schlatt’s opinion, Quackity’s one job is to sit around looking pretty while Schlatt does all of the important things and holds all of the power. Schlatt was a big fan of promoting people to worthless positions of authority and its pretty obvious that he considered vice president to be similar to the fake positions he gave Fundy and Tubbo 

in the end, this was a big part of what destroyed their relationship. like it or not, Quackity’s a power hungry guy and always has been. he didn't like that Schlatt constantly shoved him aside and refused to listen to him

now onto the nasty bit...Schlatt’s mental state

cw for mentions of alcoholism, mental deterioration, and abusive behavior  

before i say anything more, i just want to say that i don't think having issues with alcoholism makes someone a bad person. i personally have some issues with such things so it would be pretty stupid of me to say being an alcoholic makes you a bad person. alcoholism does negatively affect your cognitive functions tho and, combined with other health issues, can cause some of the very serious mental problems that Schlatt clearly struggles with

throughout the Manburg era, Schlatt’s mental state rapidly deteriorated. he went from a pretty normal- if eccentric- guy who had a drinking problem, to someone who was delirious most of the time. it's a sharp and noticeable decline that caused a lot of pain for Quackity due to Schlatt often taking his excess aggression out on him by yelling at him and/or belittling him. tho Schlatt often belittled Quackity before he went fully off of the deep end, it was never as aggressive as it was when he was in this delirious state of mind

it was during one of Schlatt’s most aggressive and delirious moments that he tore down the white house despite Quackity’s protests. as we all know, this caused Quackity to snap and kill Schlatt (it's more complicated than that but we will get back to that). as mentioned previously, Quackity implied that he would have stayed with Schlatt if the white house hadn’t been destroyed

in my opinion, these two things combined are the biggest reasons why Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship fell apart. their differing desires for power were not compatible and Schlatt’s awful behavior while his mental state declined caused a rift between them that couldn't be fixed

part 3: how toxic was it really?

cw for emotional and physical abuse 

as i said all the way back in part one, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not healthy. i have provided many examples in the other two parts that shine a light onto why it wasn't healthy, but i didn't show the entire picture

there are many moments that show exactly how Schlatt treated Quackity when he was acting at his worst and none of them are pretty. tho Schlatt was never truly aggressive with his insults until he started to go off of the deep end, that doesn't mean that what he said wasn't negatively affecting Quackity

Schlatt would belittle, insult, and mock Quackity for his appearance not being up to his standards, for his opinions, and for being emotional in ways that Schlatt disapproved of like crying. tho Schlatt would often brush off Quackity’s reactions towards this cruel behavior, it's very clear that Schlatt’s treatment of him has stuck with Quackity in many ways

Quackity is very sensitive about his appearance and it seems to be because of how badly Schlatt hurt his self esteem during their time together. Schlatt tied Quackity’s worth to his appearance and then would claim he wasn't meeting his standards of attractiveness. we can tell that this has stuck with Quackity because of his sensitivity towards people bringing up the scar on his face (something that greatly alters his physical appearance) and he still reacts very badly when Schlatt calls him the mocking nickname flatty patty

speaking of flatty patty- that stupid insult shockingly has a lot of weight in Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt. tho its something the audience is meant to laugh at, the nickname also shows just how little Schlatt respects Quackity because he's constantly throwing it around just to make Quackity upset. Schlatt’s last words are flatty patty all because he wanted to get in one last dig at his ex and ruin Quackity’s day even further 

Schlatt tends to do a lot of things that are intended to make Quackity upset. tearing down the room Quackity made for him in the white house is the biggest example of this- especially since Schlatt mentions how it will upset Quackity while he does it. you can see this moment at around 19:10 of this video

and now let's get into the elephant in the room when it comes to these two: Quackity was scared of Schlatt. tho we never really see Schlatt hit or attack Quackity physically outside of their confrontation at the white house or their confrontation in the caravan, these clips imply that Quackity was at the very least scared of Schlatt physically harming him in some way 

as for actually physically harming him, Schlatt hits Quackity multiple times with a pickaxe and with his fists during their white house fight. Quackity hits Schlatt a couple times too, tho these are all primarily defensive blows since he is trying to protect himself and his property. he also chases after Quackity with a bow after Quackity’s plan to trick him into signing Manburg over to the Pogtopians fails and hits him multiple times during the caravan confrontation

all of this evidence shows that Schlatt was an abusive (or at least toxic) partner towards Quackity and someone who greatly affected him in many ways

tho Quackity did a few questionable things throughout his relationship with Schlatt (such as trying to get Schlatt to have sex with him despite Schlatt not being interested as shown in the later half of this video) and did some downright morally wrong things during his time as vice president of Manburg, no one deserves the pain of an abusive relationship- even a person who has done bad things

as a brief side note before we move on because i know people will bring it up if i skip over it, Quackity did- and most likely still does- want to literally possess Glatt. he brought up reviving Schlatt and using him as a political pawn after Schlatt’s funeral and during their conversation at the Big Man Gym Quackity talked about owning Glatt and having him work at Las Nevadas with no pay

this is unsettling behavior to say the least but this essay isnt about the aftermath of their relationship so much as it is about their relationship when it was actually happening. maybe i will make another post talking more about how Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt affected him even after Schlatt’s death and/or about Quackity’s relationship with Glatt

part 4: final thoughts

i’m not exactly sure why the nuances in Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship get lost when it comes to the fandom, but it’s pretty disappointing to see. hopefully this essay can help people take a closer look at canon and maybe even help them find something interesting that they’d want to explore!

tho the point of this essay is to clear up any misconceptions and hopefully add some nuance to the conversations surrounding Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship, i also wrote it in hopes of showing people how fascinating these two partners in crime were back in the Manburg days. i didn’t cover everything but i think i did a pretty good job for my first analysis post in the dsmp fandom

also since you read to the end, i must say thank you! it really does means a lot to me that you did. i hope you enjoyed and maybe even learned something. this post can be used as a resource if anyone wants to use it as such

here’s a tiny devil Quackity for your troubles <3

[letterex-fyofm]

ty for the tag @mallgothyamaguchi! ILYSM

warning: there will be a lot of text in this post because i can't keep my mouth shut (or my hands still)

That One Fuck™ (aka: fav haikyuu character):

mmm, i wonder who could it be?? 🤔🤔

Funnily enough, at first I hated Yamaguchi and Tsukishima with my whole being. Like, fuck them, why are they so mean? I did think too that Yamaguchi was spineless. And I was like, always annoyed when he and Tsukishima would appear on the screen.

I thnk they were meant to be unlikeable at first. It's practically impossible to like Tsukki at first, even Tadashi gets weirded out when Tsukki's so damn rude at their meeting with Hinata and Kageyama. And Yamaguchi...

There's actually a CD drama where Kageyama admits that his first impression of Tadashi was that he was Tsukki's cheerleader, and nothing else. Furudate wrote his character with that in mind. But as the story progresses, much as Hinata learns that volleyball is not all about spiking, much as Kageyama learns that setting is not all about the setter, much as Tsukki learns that volleyball is not all about winning always--we learn that Tadashi is not all about Tsukki.

He went for Shimada, a total stranger, to teach him how to fight. It's funny, because I've been in Tadashi's situation before. Years ago, I liked volleyball but was much worse than everyone else. I felt worthless, so I quit. And that's how most people approach things they can't do well: they quit.

Tsukki, the supposedly "cooler" one, quit himself.

But Tadashi did not.

And he failed oh so many times. The match with Ahoba Josai hurt bad enough, but the Wakutani match hurt as hell. So, when Tadashi finally achieved to do a serve ace--that was the moment he became the coolest Haikyuu character for me.

Maybe because everyone else is like a concept, and we can't all become monsters like Hinata or Kageyama. And we don't have the body of Aone or Tsukki to fight. Most of us are pretty average, just like Tadashi. But Tadashi has the strength and the courage to make himself count.

Few stories have impacted me as much as his. And I have never loved a character as much as I love Tadashi. I might be a bit biased when I say his character development was the best on the series--nah, I'm def biased.

But seeing how human he is and yet how awesome and cool he is, how good of a friend, how cool as a player--he made a great captain, I'm sure.

FAV ROMANTIC AND FRIENDLY SHIP

OMG ANOTHER DIFFICULT ONE 😯😯😯which will it be?? 🤔🤔🤔

I love when Furudate does this with these two. In so many instances have they known what the other was thinking. Tadashi's job is to help Karasuno score points. Wether it be by a serve ace or by helping Tsukki to block the spikers. But, when Tadashi is serving in that Shiratorizawa match, the one with the focus is Tsukki. Tadashi is trying to help Tsukki.

And Tsukki knows this. And he trusts Tadashi to be that help he needs. Not only for blocking, not only for volleyball--but for life itself. When has Tadashi not been there for him? He was there when Kei realised Akiteru had lied to him. He was there when Kei closed off, when he slacked off during volleyball because it was "just a club", when everyone said he was a waste of height and smarts, when he doubted of himself after winning the Shiratorizawa match--always there.

But this time, at the Nekoma match, Tadashi's serve apparently doesn't shake Nekoma as much as we wishes it would have. It's not enough. He wanted to help Tsukki more. Just like when he yelled at Tsukishima and asked him about pride and motivation--just for Tsukishima to go to third-gym.

Not enough, he might think. Others say it too, that the ones who really got Tsukishima to put an effort to be the monster he is now was Kuroo, Bokuto, Hinata, Kageyama--and they are all right.

But who got him moving was Tadashi. It started with Tadashi and it ended with him with that culmination of their interjoined arcs with that point.

Yamaguchi was the one who got Kei moving, and for him, "that was plenty."

it is so quick yet they still think of each other--and to gain the point, of course. But the serve and block combo was one of those points that equaled to 100 points.

And Furudate makes it so clear to us. Because, after scoring, they are not thinking about volleyball. They are not thinking of Nekoma or Karasuno or whatever. They are thinking about each other. How they started, and how they are right now. This is not something about volleyball, this is something about them. Them as friends, them as best friends, them as people who chose to stick together.

And, even after high school and into adulthood, they still have decided to stick together.

Don't care what anyone says. They are the real kindred spirits.

UNDERRATED CHARACTER AND UNDERRATED RELATIONSHIP

I'm not saying anything else, I have yapped enough for today--SIKE

It's crazy to me that people don't remember his name. He's just...like the best teacher someone could have. Remember, Tadashi was not paying him to teach him the jump float serve. It was all for free and Shimada spent his time teaching this kid he doesn't know how to build a weapon of his own.

And he cares so much? And it is just so...wholesome how proud he is every time Yamaguchi succeeds--not only on the court but as a person.

He reminds me so much to the way Akiteru boasts about Kei? Like, he always finds the way to brag about his disciple--which, honestly, who wouldn't? TADASHI IS COOL!

RANDOM HEADCANON(s)

Yamaguchi is an only child but has such an extensive family--he has cousins all over the place. He's like the middle cousin, between adults that are engaged and infants that are barely learning to speak.

Tadashi has definitely told everything about Shimada to Tsukki, and everything about Tsukki to Shimada. So much so Makoto knows what they did for Tsukki's thirteen birthday while Kei knows what Shimada says to encourage Tadashi every single day. When they are together, it's so awkward because they know each other so well yet they have literally spoken like less than fifty words.

Shimada and Akiteru ship Tsukkiyama. I don't make the rules. It's just the way Tadashi talks about Tsukki and the way Tsukki tried to act cool in front of Tadashi when they were getting to know each other.

Haikyuu!! ask game ♡

Bc these r so cute and i always get happy when someone tags me in one of these so i wanted to make one lol. Reblog with:

That One Fuck™ (aka: fav haikyuu character)

Fav romantic ship

Fav friendship

Underrated character

Underrated relationship (romantic or otherwise)

A random hq headcanon

Tag a few friends/mutuals!

Hope you're all having a nice day, stay safe ♡♡♡

[emmyhem]

everything you’re missing (c.t.h)

a/n: hi everybody, i’m back with another post. this is my first calum piece and i’m so excited to finally get it up. this is once again unedited, i’m way too tired rn. it’s also the second smut i’ve posted so that’s pretty exciting as well. yeah i don’t really have much to say right now because i’m literally exhausted, my classes are really kicking my ass. anyway i hope you all enjoy this bff!calum piece. feedback and comments are always appreciated. hope you all are doing well and are being safe. thank you - emmy <33

pairing: bff!calum hood x fem!reader

summary: a drunken text meant for your ex shows up on calum’s phone and leaves him questioning everything he’s missing out on with his best friend.

warning(s): talk of a previous bad relationship, y/n’s ex body shamed her, mentions of alcohol, insecurity, smut, cursing

word count: 4.7k

You’ve decided that 3 glasses of wine is your happy medium, but even a sip into the 4th and there’s no telling what you’ll do. 

So, naturally you were finishing up your 5th glass on Friday night while angrily scrolling through your exes instagram when you got what seemed to be an incredible idea. It was simply too tempting not to, your mind was feeling hazy which made your confidence skyrocket, and you truly did just look good. 

A day of pampering had left you in a black floor length silk robe with nothing but your favorite deep cherry red lingerie set underneath. Your face was bare and glowing after a refreshing and illuminating face mask, and your lips were left glossy and plump from a new scrub. 

You had posed in front of the floor length mirror in your living room, giggling between snaps until you had taken the perfect shot. It was classy but provocative, the dressing gown slipping from your shoulders exposing the lace of your bra and a tasteful amount of cleavage. You had also left the bottom open, allowing a clear shot of your thighs and the curve of your ass from where you sat on your knees. 

With a mischievous glint in your eyes you selected the picture into a message, typing a cheeky, “take a good look at everything you’re missing”  and sending it off to your ex (or so you thought). 

But you really couldn’t be blamed for your mistake, Cam and Cal were far too similar for your drunk brain to decipher the difference. You also couldn’t be blamed for the fact that you dozed off on the couch immediately after sending it, before you even had a chance to recognize your humiliating mistake. 

You were awoken by the ringing of your phone at around 9:00 am, way too early for your liking. Before even registering who it was, you brought the phone to your ear and groaned a sleepy, “hello,” 

“At your door.” a voice you recognized as your best friend responded. 

“M’coming” you said, scooting off the couch. On your way to the door you registered that you were still scantily covered, the robe falling off of you as you walked. You clutched it around you as you swung the door open to a wide eyed, Calum Hood. 

“G’morning.” he smirked, looking you up and down. 

“Shh” you hushed, pulling him in by the arm. “Why in the world are you here so early?”

He lightly laughed while taking a seat at the kitchen table, eyes following you while you moped over to the fridge and pulled out two water bottles. 

“Well,” he sighed as you handed him one. “I got a very interesting text last night and I figured I just had to come over and see, y’know everything I was missing.” he spoke in a teasing tone as he gestured a hand down your body.

You tugged your eyebrows together in confusion. There was something familiar about what he was saying, but not familiar enough for you to put the pieces together. 

“What are you talking about?” you questioned bringing the water bottle to your lips. 

Calum shrugged his shoulders, a smirk still glued to his face as he took out his phone and began looking for something. After a few seconds he extended his arm to hand you his phone. You accepted it and glanced down absentmindedly as your body slumped against the counter.  

The second your eyes hit the screen it all came back to you, your mouth fell open and you straightened out, suddenly very awake, not to mention very mortified. 

Calum on the other hand was buzzing. Actually, he had been ever since his phone dinged last night awakening him from his sleep. Well, buzzing and extremely, extremely sexually frustrated. 

When he first opened your message and saw the picture that would now be making a regular appearance in his wet dreams, he had nearly choked on his own breath. He knew that it was most likely a drunken mistake, and while that slightly saddened him it didn’t stop his dick from plumping up at the sight, straining uncomfortably against his boxers. He seriously debated wanking to the tempting image but decided against it, thinking it would be a gross violation of your privacy since it wasn’t even meant for him. Oh how he wished it was. Unfortunately that meant he had been sporting an exceptionally sensitive halfie since then. 

“Oh my god.” you groaned, sitting the phone down on the counter and covering your eyes in humiliation. “Cal I’m soooo sorry, I was drunk, and overly confident, and I meant to send this to Cam and now I’m just, I’m sorry.” you reiterated. 

‘Hey, don’t apologize on my account.” he countered. “Plus, you should be thrilled you sent it to me and not that asshole, doesn’t deserve ya.” 

“I know, you’re right. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m mortified though. S’bit ridiculous, get a little alcohol in my system and I have a god complex all of a sudden” you rambled, running your hands through your hair nervously. 

Calum stood and pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“You think too much, y’know that?” he quipped. 

You turned your head, pressing a cheek against his sweater clad chest and mumbled, “Yea I’ve been known for that.” 

Calum softly chuckled at your words before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head and pulling apart. 

“S’really no big deal, y/n.” a teasing grin plastered on his face. “Besides I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.”

“Calum!” you scolded, swatting a hand at his arm. 

He dodged your hit just in time and held his hands up in surrender before taking his seat again. 

“Why'd you let that dick bother you anyway? Y’know you’re way out of his league.” 

Your jaw clenched at the question, your mind wandering to every time you had come to Calum crying after your ex had done something to hurt you. Everytime he commented on your “stomach pudge” as he liked to call it, when you wore a tight dress to go out. Or when he would ask if you were really “that” hungry, even if you hadn’t eaten much at all. And each time you would feel absolutely wretched and end up sobbing in Calum’s arms, but refusing to tell him why you were so, so sad. 

“He texted me the other day y’know?” you muttered under your breath, while fiddling with the coffee machine. 

“Really? What’d he say?” Calum responded, watching your back with narrowed eyes. 

“Uh, he saw me the other night, when we were at that bar with the guys.” you said, shaky fingers pulling out a mug. 

“And?” he spoke flatly. 

“It’s stupid really,” you sniffled, willing your voice not to break. “He said I put on a few pounds, that he was glad he got out when he did.” your bottom lip traitorously jutted out as you turned to face him. 

“Fucking dick.” he hissed. 

Calum wasn’t necessarily proud of the violent images that flashed through his mind at the thought of that asshole finding yet another way to hurt you but, the sad little quiver of your lip allowed him to reason without a doubt that they were fair. 

Before you could even blink he was holding you again, arms impossibly tight around you. . 

“He’s wrong, y/n. Fuck, I don’t know how to even...he’s just so wrong.” he said softly, his hand rubbing your back reassuringly. 

“I know.” you whimpered, holding tears back. 

He pulled back enough to look you in the eyes, arms still firm around your waist. 

“No you don’t. It’s...It really fucking pisses me off that he makes you feel like this. It’s like-fuck you’re just like-” he moved his hands to cup your cheeks. “You really are gorgeous.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words, and your whole body felt warm as you stared at his big brown eyes. His words felt sincere, everything about him felt so sincere. 

“Thank you, Cal.” 

He pulled you back into his chest, “Really wish I could just, like hug away all his bullshit.” 

“M’used to it.” you mumbled. 

“You don’t deserve any of it.” 

“Yea, well what can you do.” you sighed, moving out of his embrace. 

Calum’s eyes were still glued to you as you stirred a spoonful of sugar in your coffee. 

“I hope you don’t let anything he says get to you.” 

You let out a breath of exhaustion. 

Confidence wasn’t something that you used to struggle with. I mean sure, there were spouts of insecurity here and there but you knew your worth, and you considered yourself pretty, hot even. That had all changed a few months into your latest relationship. First it was the backhanded compliments which quickly turned into passive comments, and then outright cruel insults. People really underestimate the toll their words take on others, especially when the person that’s making you feel so ugly and worthless, is one that you adore and who’s supposed to adore you right back, no matter what. 

“I try but, he can’t just be making it all up.” you were ashamed. When did you become the girl that lets a guy affect how she sees herself? That just wasn’t you. 

“He is. He’s insecure and a douche. He was probably trying to destroy your confidence to the point that you felt like you couldn’t leave him.” Calum assured. “But you’re way too strong for him, dumped his sorry ass anyway.” 

You smiled gratefully at his words, taking a seat next to him. 

“Yea, so strong I tried to send him half naked pictures for reassurance.” 

Calum shook his head, “I wish you could see how hot you are.” 

Your eyes widened at the compliment, your head dropping to avoid his stare as blood rushed to your cheeks. 

“I’d be happy to reassure you whenever you want.” he continued, bumping his knee against yours under the table. 

“Doesn’t count.” you dismissed, before sipping your coffee. “You're my best friend, you’re obligated to tell me I’m pretty.” 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t mean it.” he muttered back quietly, his expression dropping slightly. He hated when you deflected his compliments. All he ever wanted to do was make you feel good, and you made it very difficult for him when you blocked every swing he took at the wall of insecurity that Cam had built around you. He would kill Cam if he could. 

You let out an apologetic sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder. 

“M’sorry, you’re right. I love you for that, the only thing keeping me sane.” 

Your heart squeezed as he hugged you back. 

Calum was perfect, he was sweet, and funny, and quite literally your favorite person on earth. Not to mention you had been hopelessly in love with him since practically the beginning of your friendship. But as his best friend you had heard over and over just how uninterested he was in a relationship. Everytime you would ask about his love life he would just respond, 

“I’m just not the boyfriend type, m’not cut out for it.” shrugging nonchalantly. 

Which you thought was laughable because anyone would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend, in fact sometimes you would let yourself pretend he was yours. 

Like,in a busy club with his hands on your hips, guiding you through the crowds. So close behind, you could feel each exhale on the back of your neck, as his eyes darted around the room to ensure there weren’t any potential threats to your safety, in the form of drunk overzealous flirts. Or after a night out when he got cuddly and clingy, and would find his way from the couch into your bed. You’d wake up with his cheek pressed against your chest and his arms snaked around your torso as he released soft breaths that caused goosebumps to rise on your exposed skin. You’d let yourself imagine that you had this every morning and that he would wake up any minute to smother your face in kisses and tell you he loved you. And of course, here he was again this morning being so thoughtful and kind and everything you wanted in a boyfriend. And here you were again swimming in his praises and physically having to restrain yourself from kissing him. 

Begrudgingly, you pulled away and stood up. 

“Gonna get changed.” you spoke. 

“I’m making us breakfast.” Calum called as you walked away. You hummed in response and slipped into your room. 

Once in the privacy of your own room you quickly pulled on a pair of leggings and a hoodie before scurrying to the bathroom sink and splashing cold water on your face in hopes of ridding yourself of any romantic thoughts towards your best friend.

Although you weren’t aware, Calum was doing the very same thing just a few feet away. Internally reminding himself repeatedly that it was never gonna happen with you. He wasn’t good enough to be anyone’s boyfriend, let alone yours. You didn’t want him that way and he could almost trick himself into believing that he was okay with that.

You hastily finished brushing your teeth before returning to the kitchen. You were greeted with the sight of Calum’s back, he stood over the toaster cutting an avocado and humming a song you didn’t recognize quietly to himself.  He looked over his shoulder as your footsteps approached. 

“Hungry?” he questioned. 

“You have no idea.” you affirmed, as he fixed a plate for you both. 

“Good. I was thinking we could watch something while we eat,” 

“Fine with me.” you responded, hoping he wouldn’t notice the distraction laced in your voice. Your focus had easily been stolen from the conversation to how easy it was to see his back muscles flex through the thin material of his jumper. 

But of course he did, it was Calum after all. 

“Y’alright?” he said, handing you a plate. 

“Uh, yep.” you rushed out. 

“Not still thinking about Cam, are you?” 

“No, not at all.” you answered honestly, walking to the couch, Calum trailing closely behind you. 

“Then what’s got you all flustered?” 

“You” you thought, taking a seat in the furthest corner. 

“I’m not flustered.” 

“Bullshit” he countered, sitting practically on top of you. 

You let out a huff, and motioned to the other  completely empty side of the couch. 

“Is there a reason we aren’t practicing personal space right now?” 

He laughed softly at your question and nuzzled closer into your side. 

“Yea, you’re all pouty, looks like you need a cuddle.” 

 “I’m really fine Cal.” you shoved him lightly but saw no results, he just scooched in even closer and bit into his toast. 

The two of you sat in silence while some newly released action movie played on your TV. Calum’s arm was wrapped around your shoulders keeping you tight to his side, and although you could’ve sworn that you had been in this exact same position hundreds of times, you felt as if this were the very first time. Every single one of your nerves were on fire and the warmth that had flooded your body was making you antsy. 

Feeling overwhelmed by your senses, you allowed your eyes to flutter close with a deep inhale. 

“You okay?” Calum whispered, dipping his head down slightly to reach your ear.

You opened your mouth to respond but didn’t trust your voice to protrude through your shaky exhales, settling for a subdued nod instead. 

“You sure?” his words were long and drawled out, despite your eyes being closed you knew his proximity from the feeling of his breath just behind your ear. 

Before you could speak up his hand secured itself just above your knee, and your muscles flexed involuntarily at the contact. 

“Relax, y/n” he continued, his thumb beginning to run repeatedly over a spot on your inner knee. 

Everything in your brain was screaming at you to excuse yourself, maybe even kick him out, anything to gain some space and hopefully some clarity from the cloud of sexual tension that was looming over the two of you and blurring boundaries at lightning speed. But you were essentially frozen in place, petrified that any movement would alert Calum to the way he was affecting you. 

Your head lolled back to rest on his forearm which was lying behind you on the couch and finally peeled your eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. 

He watched you from the corner of his eye, taking note of every rise and fall of your chest, every thick swallow of your throat. 

If there was one thing Calum was well versed in, it was his ability to read you, he liked to think he knew you better than anyone else in the world. He could tell exactly how you were feeling just by watching you, your face, your breathing and he was more than shocked when he started getting the feeling you were no longer upset but something far more appealing. 

Were you turned on? Right here in his presence? The thought made blood rush to his dick, which twitched in his pants when another breathy sigh passed your lips. 

“What’re you thinking about, love?” 

Everything in you urged you to answer honestly, just tell him the truth. “You, I’m thinking about you. I’m always thinking about you.” But you couldn’t do that, so instead you deflected. 

“What’re you thinking about?” you countered, meeting his eyes. 

Calum questioned his next words very carefully, debating whether or not he could recover if he was wrong about what you were feeling and you shut him down. It was pointless though, he knew he would never recover from your rejection. He also knew that spontaneous combustion wouldn’t look very good on his tombstone and that’s exactly what would happen if he spent one more minute not kissing you. 

Fuck it. 

“That pretty little set you had on last night.” he confessed. 

That you weren’t expecting. 

A quiet whine rang from your throat and you were far too affected to feel embarrassed. 

And that did it, Calum was now impossibly hard in his pants, no doubt leaking precum onto his boxer briefs. He needed to get his hands on you, now. 

His hand started to slowly travel up your thigh, goosebumps rising on every centimeter they passed. 

“So gorgeous in red, aren’t ya y/n?”

“Cal,” you hissed when his thumb brushed the sensitivity of your inner thigh. 

“Mm.” he hummed. “It’d be pretty hard fo’me to stop right now, but I will if that’s what you want. Is that what you want, love?” 

He was sure he’d cry if he had to let go of you now, but he needed to hear you say it. 

“No, don’t wanna stop.” you whined, turning your body flush to his.

“Whaddya want then, baby? Hm?” You could feel his every word on the flushed skin of your neck as he leaned into the crook.

“Want you.” 

He could’ve came then and there. 

“Then I’m all yours.” he admitted before crashing his lips on yours. 

Your heart was in your stomach as his tongue entered your mouth, explorative and eager. He was too busy memorizing your taste to notice your fingers tugging at his sweater. You attempted to push it up desperate to feel his skin under your hands. You were able to pull the fabric up about halfway before they were blocked by his arms that were holding you close against him.

Calum laughed when you pulled apart from the kiss, giving him a disappointed look. 

“Want it off?” he teased. 

You couldn’t bother to be embarrassed when you nodded eagerly in response. He didn’t waste any time peeling the fabric off of his skin, and you were quick to lightly run a finger across the ink feather just below his collarbone. 

Now it was his turn to tug on your clothes, “Level the playing field?” 

You nodded, lifting your arms and allowing him to lift the sweatshirt over your head leaving your chest completely bare. Calum groaned at the sight of your tits, his hands quickly finding your waist and tugging you down to lay on your back in one swift motion. 

Once you were laid out in front of him he took the opportunity to explore the new skin. His hands left a lingering warmth as they dragged across your stomach and despite the kind words and endearing demeanor that he always upheld with you, you found yourself shying under his gaze, wanting to curl away from him. As your hands began to wrap around your stomach in an attempt to cover yourself up he quickly pushed them away, locking them in place on either side of you. 

“Wanna see everything baby, all of you.” he cooed in your ear before nipping at the lobe. 

His kisses began to travel down your neck, sucking a few marks to your collar bones and the surrounding areas. When his fingers grazed over a fresh bruise in the dip just between your neck and shoulders you hissed lightly. 

“You look so pretty marked up for me. All mine, aren’t you baby? Not Cam’s, mine. Say it.” 

“Yours, Cal.” you admitted, feeling your body sink further into the couch. You had never felt drunk off of someone’s words before and the experience was leaving you sputtering, completely compliant to your best friend. 

He hummed contently at your confession, his large hands gripping at your hips, before slowly peeling your leggings off.

“Y’feel so good in my hands, like you were made for me.” his thumbs poking at the soft skin, just beneath your panties. 

The feeling of his hands so close to where you needed them, but not quite there was driving you crazy. 

“Cal, please.” you begged. 

He groaned before tugging at the cotton covering you. “Cam’s a fucking idiot, y’know that? He had the prettiest girl in the world and treated her like shit. I’d never do that, wanna worship you baby.” 

It was ridiculous how overwhelmed his words were leaving you, all desperate and squirming. As his fingers met the soaked expanse of your cunt you couldn’t hold back the throaty moan it elicited. 

A pornographic sigh followed close behind, one that made Calum want to pinch himself to ensure he wasn’t in the midst of a haunting dream. 

“Soaked f’me darling.” he mused, running his fingers up and down your folds to completely coat you in your arousal. You whimpered at the feeling, bucking your hips up desperate for friction. 

Tutting while shaking his head, he used one hand on your lower stomach to press you back down to the couch. 

“Stay still for me won’t you, love?” he cooed, continuing to run his fingers over your core lightly. 

When you bobbed your head up and down in agreement he lifted your leg to his mouth, pressing a kiss to your calf. 

“Hm, good girl.” he praised, softly laying your leg back down. 

Calum hovered above you, dipping his head down every so often to peck at your chest, his fingers still unrelenting. The knot in your lower stomach tightened every second that passed and you felt like you could scream at any second, yearning to be full. 

Calum felt like he could burst any minute himself but was determined to make this experience the best of your life. He wanted to give you something to remember, a reason to want more. 

Your soft moans and frustrated grunts alerted him to your neediness and he was just about ready to give in for the both of you. 

“What do you need from me, baby?” he said against your shoulder before peppering kisses across your collar bones. 

You could only respond with an airy moan when his fingers found your clit. 

“Hm? My fingers?” You shook your head aggressively. He knew exactly what you wanted, the tease. 

“No? Want my mouth?” he teased further, leaving an opened mouth kiss in between your tits. 

“Cal,” you sighed. “Fuck me, please.”

He groaned at your words, nipping lightly at the skin before ridding himself of his pants. 

“You’re a fucking dream, y’know that?” he praised, desperately searching for a condom in his pants. When he finally located one he held it up to you as if it were a prized possession, smiling proudly at his own preparedness. 

He hastily freed himself from the constraints of his boxers and rolled the condom on, never once taking his eyes off of the blissful expression on your face. 

“Ready?” he questioned, his tip lightly pressing at your entrance. You nodded and sucked in a breath, bracing yourself for the stretch, your eyes falling closed in the process. 

When a few seconds went by and nothing happened you opened your eyes to find Calum staring down at you in awe. 

“Cal,” you whined. “what’re you doing?” 

Your words seemed to break him from his trance, he shook his head and muttered an apology to you. 

“Sorry, fuck you’re pretty. You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” 

“Then stop waiti-” your words were cut off by a sharp hiss that couldn’t have been prevented as his length finally pressed into you. 

“Fuck.” Calum groaned his head falling back. You felt too good around him, seriously he was fucked, completely ruined for you. 

You felt the exact same as your silky moans filled the room. You had never been filled this good and you questioned how you had gone so long without this. 

“M-move” you sighed, clenching around him. 

You could hear his breath catch at the feeling and he grunted out a strained, “Need a minute.” 

He held himself in place for a few more seconds until his breaths began to even out once again before pulling nearly all the way out and slamming back in. 

You yelped, pulling your lip between your teeth in hopes to drown the sound. 

He continued slamming into you at an unrelenting pace, taking notice of each time your eyes would roll back when he brushed against your g-spot. He could write a book about how good you looked all fucked for him. 

As his thrusts grew closer together you could feel your release creeping up on you.  

“Cal, need’ta cum.” you stuttered out. 

His hands tightened around your hips, pulling you even closer to him as his head poked at that spot again. 

“Go on baby, let go.” he encouraged, willing himself to hold out a little longer as your walls fluttered around him. 

Once you had came it only took him about three more thrusts before he was painting the condom with his release, groaning your name as his hand searched for yours to intertwine them as he came down from his own high. 

  His body flopped next to yours on the couch, both of you struggling to fit next to each other in such a small space, not that either of you minded the close quarters. 

Your fingers remained laced together as you caught your breath, Calum peppering kisses to your shoulder and mumbling praises into your skin. 

“You’re an angel. God, I just- I love you.” he said, causing your head to snap in his direction. 

He looked like a deer in headlights when you asked for him to repeat himself. 

“I love you?” he obliged.

“Is it a question?” 

“No, I’m just not used to saying it.” he admitted, vulnerability clear in his eyes. 

You wanted to kiss away the worried crease in his forehead but instead pressed your lips to his, pulling apart a fraction of an inch to speak after a few seconds.

“I love you too.” you ensured. 

Calum eyes widened, not expecting you to say it back, at least not so soon. He had so much he wanted to say to you but figured all of it could be summed up by another kiss to your soft lips. So he closed the distance once again, using a bit more force this time in hopes it would convey the strength of his feelings for you.

[420pogpills]

masterpost of random epic dnf moments

i find so much comfort in these posts that just contain links to loads and loads of epic clips so i wanted to make one of my favourite george&dream moments :’)... this took me several days okay.

in no particular order whatsoever

(♥♥♥) “so...dream.” “what?” “um, hello.” “hi”

(♡♡♡) “george!” “yeah?” “HEY 😁”

(♥♥♥) “that is actually george’s fish” “oh what? i will keep it safe” (bonus: giving fish back)

(♡♡♡) “you two and your inside jokes, you guys are such good friends”

(♥♥♥) “i saw an interesting donation on your stream”

(♡♡♡) “trust me. george - i’m handling it.”

(♥♥♥) “i’m not gonna be hurt if dream is next to me”

(♡♡♡) “you’re making me laugh it’s not even fair!”

(♥♥♥) “i shot you once” “no you shot me multiple times”

(♡♡♡) “oh that’s so hot”

(♥♥♥) “what you gonna do, fight me?”

(♡♡♡) “dream has my number because dream needs me sometimes”

(♥♥♥) “stop you’re hurting me” “i’m hurting you?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m very similar to george so i probably won't like it”

(♥♥♥) “i said i’m in the hot tub right now, he said ‘prove it’”

(♡♡♡) “dream stop killing me!”

(♥♥♥) “i’ve always wanted to explore my sexuality”

(♡♡♡) “this is what happens when you fall down my trap”

(♥♥♥) “i’m so used to having your attention 24/7″

(♡♡♡) “why are you so mean dream?”

(♥♥♥) “you know who reminds me of nemo? george”

(♡♡♡) “first thing’s first-” “i’m the realest”

(♥♥♥) “come hide with me”

(♡♡♡) “he looks so handsome, look at him, look at george”

(♥♥♥) “oh george” “oh dream”

(♡♡♡) “you love me?” “yes, i do”

(♥♥♥) “be careful george”

(♡♡♡) “you’re laughing at every different word i say”

(♥♥♥) “can i have the sword dream?” “say that you love me”

(♡♡♡) “just hug me george”

(♥♥♥) “i’m the mememan, my milk is delicious”

(♡♡♡) “george i’m gonna blow up - come with me”

(♥♥♥) “you couldn’t see what dream was doing”

(♡♡♡) “george is easily a top 10 mcc player”

(♥♥♥) “what would you say my weakness is?” “me”

(♡♡♡) “we were getting this computer repair guy - oh my god”

(♥♥♥) “every time you get near me you just get all red”

(♡♡♡) “you would follow me down here”

(♥♥♥) “dream is a simp for me” “yeah”

(♡♡♡) “nice dream!”

(♥♥♥) “smile - you see him everyday”

(♡♡♡) “you deserve punishment george”

(♥♥♥) “what are you doing george?” “i’m on twitter”

(♡♡♡) “george george george you look amazing george”

(♥♥♥) “you don’t have to follow me everywhere”

(♡♡♡) “get away from dream!”

(♥♥♥) “we’re in the stars”

(♡♡♡) thirdwheelboyhalo

(♥♥♥) “dream is so delightful”

(♡♡♡) “DREAM LET’S GO!”

(♥♥♥) “follow me, i’ll follow you actually - just take me”

(♡♡♡) “dream...” “i had to george, i had to”

(♥♥♥) “i trust my dream”

(♡♡♡) “you don’t brag about your looks”

(♥♥♥) “george just tell me you love me”

(♡♡♡) “someone said ‘dream do you think george is cute’?”

(♥♥♥) “kiss george” “that’s a pretty good forfeit”

(♡♡♡) “a plane ticket to dream’s house”

(♥♥♥) “okay that was pretty pog”

(♡♡♡) “i’ve been too focused on george”

(♥♥♥) little compilation

(♡♡♡) “why’d you say it like that?”

(♥♥♥) “dream’s trying to kill me, he’s killing me!”

(♡♡♡) “if you won, what would be your first date with george?”

(♥♥♥) “we do everything together”

(♡♡♡) “answer my question!”

(♥♥♥) “oh. yeah. but george too.”

(♡♡♡) “if you win, you have to kiss dream!”

(♥♥♥) “dream... i’m messing up” “oh are you still streaming?”

(♡♡♡) “be careful”

(♥♥♥) suspicious dancing

(♡♡♡) “don’t be greedy george”

(♥♥♥) just... this whole edit

(♡♡♡) “george is mine, go away”

(♥♥♥) “dreeeaaaaam i know you wanna help”

(♡♡♡) “george you’re a genius, george kiss me!”

(♥♥♥) “he was wearing like an oversized dream smile hoodie”

(♡♡♡) george compilation 10/10

(♥♥♥) “i don’t wanna hear you laugh”

(♡♡♡) “whenever dream tries to get a new speed run record he just disappears for a month”

(♥♥♥) laughing face to face

(♡♡♡) “can i have some stuff?”

(♥♥♥) “geoorrgeeee”

(♡♡♡) “he lives in your head actually rent free”

(♥♥♥) “you know quite often we just know what we’re talking about?”

(♡♡♡) “now it backfired because george knows me”

(♥♥♥) “he’s small it’s different”

(♡♡♡) “COME HERE GEORGE!”

(♥♥♥) “you can be my valentine if you want george”

(♡♡♡) “no mom no he broke up with me” (bonus: “george denied me”)

(♥♥♥) “just explain your reasoning for denying me” “you didn't mean it”

(♡♡♡) “goodnight george, goodnight gogy”

(♥♥♥) “dream just saved something from snapchat!”

(♡♡♡) “i’m breaking you out!”

(♥♥♥) “you’ll get punished george"

(♡♡♡) “guys this is like the cutest photo of george ever”

(♥♥♥) “guys i’m opening a new business” “selling george pictures?”

(♡♡♡) “don’t attack the wolf dream i’m not there to save you”

(♥♥♥) “you were like ‘you have to praise me now for 5 minutes’”

(♡♡♡) “why don’t you think i’m here?”

(♥♥♥) “we were playing geoguessr the other day”

(♡♡♡) “i am wheezing and dying and george is dying with me”

(♥♥♥) “you used to get mad at me for placing blocks beneath myself”

(♡♡♡) “you have to clip that” “no”

(♥♥♥) “c’mere”

(♡♡♡) “i almost died, water me!”

(♥♥♥) “me and george”

(♡♡♡) “i wouldn’t want to do it unless he’s here”

(♥♥♥) “me and george were literally holding hands in the hallway”

(♡♡♡) “you should get negative points if you’re an idiot”

(♥♥♥) “kiss”

(♡♡♡) “i thought you might want to confess something”

(♥♥♥) “we’ve been talking to each other for 10 hours?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m not here to disappoint you or anything”

(♥♥♥) “mimic my yawn, that means you love me you know that right?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m not helping you this round” “i need you”

(♥♥♥) “we’re literally on a boat”

(♡♡♡) “you’re so ridiculous”

(♥♥♥) “i fell asleep in a call with george”

(♡♡♡) “wow george you’re great”

(♥♥♥) “dream just went 👉🏻👉🏻”

(♡♡♡) “yessss let’s go” “wait let me pick you up!”

(♥♥♥) “dream sort this out!” “alright wait turn around”

(♡♡♡) “you have pretty privilege”

(♥♥♥) “george i have something that will cheer you up george”

(♡♡♡) “i’ve been by your side since the beginning george”

(♥♥♥) “sitting here forced to drink water, it has absolutely no flavour”

(♡♡♡) “gives back i’ll be good” “no no you won’t”

(♥♥♥) “don’t worry. i’m here george”

(♡♡♡) “dream say hi” “hi”

(♥♥♥) “so george why are you laying in bed while you’re talking to dream?”

(♡♡♡) “where did george go, george is not found”

(♥♥♥) “come over here greg i will save the day” “francis!”

(♡♡♡) “that’s not what you told me last night”

(♥♥♥) “please just swim drive the boat drive the boat”

(♡♡♡) “before i even met you, you had this ginormous impact”

(♥♥♥) “you’re not worthless george we love you”

(♡♡♡) “george is like the biggest idiot”

(♥♥♥) “alright fine i’ll play one more”

(♡♡♡) “you see george everywhere. you see what you wanna see”

(♥♥♥) “guess united kingdom because someone you love lives there”

(♡♡♡) “george don’t leave me”

(♥♥♥) “you say bolivia george?”

(♡♡♡) “why are you so feral?”

(♥♥♥) “you’re an idiot” “you’re the one who’s screaming to do it”

(♡♡♡) “”you’re so oh my god” “you’re so annoying”

(♥♥♥) “i trust you so m-so often”

(♡♡♡) “now i have you right where i want you”

(♥♥♥) “heads” “alright it was heads”

(♡♡♡) “george you’re the hottest piece of ass in dreamhunt”

(♥♥♥) “you said ‘just woke up’ and i said ‘me too, in sync bby’”

(♡♡♡) “dnf arc? yeah maybe”

(♥♥♥) *george shooting dnf into wall on csgo*

(♡♡♡) “george and dream’s brotherly relationship is so iconic”

(♥♥♥) “you can’t 👹LEAVE👹 it’s not allowed”

(♡♡♡) “oh we’re finishing each other’s sentences right now”

(♥♥♥) “you said you were gonna what, kiss me or something like that?”

(♡♡♡) “do you have a song that makes you think of dream?”

(♥♥♥) “here george take this take this george”

(♡♡♡) “hey dream” “hey george”

(♥♥♥) “do you have a crush on dream?” “yes, go on”

(♡♡♡) “i am proud of you” “wow thank you dream”

(♥♥♥) “1 dollar every hour” “for how many hours?”

(♡♡♡) “i clicked skip whoops - wait, where are all my balls?”

(♥♥♥) “get out of here GET OUUUUTTTT”

(♡♡♡) “i’m sleeping for at least 8 hours” “but then we’re gonna be out of sync again”

(♥♥♥) “this is actually disgusting, come to me where are you”

(♡♡♡) “thank you baby... oh no” “WHAT?”

(♥♥♥) “yeah i love dream so much”

(♡♡♡) “yes that is exactly what i was thinking dream”

(♥♥♥) “dream” “hi” “hello i’m streaming” “hi”

(♡♡♡) “mm poor little george”

(♥♥♥) “do you have fifty dollars?”

(♡♡♡) “please please half a heart half a heart!”

(♥♥♥) “that’s okay you wanna be near me, that’s fine”

(♡♡♡) “you would know all about the simp handbook wouldn’t you”

(♥♥♥) “please i need you” “i do need you”

(♡♡♡) “kill him!...or her.. or it..”

(♥♥♥) “cause he’s little gogy”

(♡♡♡) “do your parents know about gream?”

(♥♥♥) just... cuteness

(♡♡♡) “wait george my minecraft’s starting my minecraft’s starting”

(♥♥♥) “te amo sueno”

(♡♡♡) “yeah that was my idea” “yeah just like last night”

(♥♥♥) “you can just say he’s a bottom”

(♡♡♡) this entire video

(♥♥♥) “why are you leaving me?” “alright fine”

(♡♡♡) “george you look good in a suit”

(♥♥♥) “i have a present for george!”

(♡♡♡) “why don’t you want to facetime me?” “i haven’t shaved”

(♥♥♥) “dream’s killing me, why are you killing me?”

(♡♡♡) “george i thought you were going to choose me”

(♥♥♥) “you wanna watch a beautiful sunset? just for you dream”

(♡♡♡) “we don’t text that much” “we text everyday”

(♥♥♥) “georgie poooo come here”

(♡♡♡) “oh beat me dream beat me”

(♥♥♥) “you are so impressive dream”

(♡♡♡) “i just ran for like a million hours”

(♥♥♥) “mydic--kslong has subscribed, thank you..”

(♡♡♡) all of these moments are too funny

(♥♥♥) “dreeaaaam! loooook!” “oh he’s cute”

(♡♡♡) “oh george~” “this is scary”

(♥♥♥) “george do that water drop sound”

(♡♡♡) “why is everyone saying ‘george explain the text?’”

(♥♥♥) “why are you saying it like that?” “that’s how you said it”

(♡♡♡) “i’m going to my secret stash”

(♥♥♥) “it said ‘name a dessert’” “you should’ve put me”

(♡♡♡) “i need to come” “you wanna come?”

(♥♥♥) “i have missed your face!”

(♡♡♡) just.. this entire video

(♥♥♥) more on george sleep talking

(♡♡♡) “that’s the same height difference between me and you george”

(♥♥♥) “you’re doing extremely well george. just calm down.”

(♡♡♡) “george~” “stOP. stop it”

(♥♥♥) “i know dream loves me a lot but unfortunately i don’t love him back”

(♡♡♡) “it’s fun to make him more afraid”

(♥♥♥) “someone said ‘dream do you think george is cute?’”

(♡♡♡) “oh we know george we know how hot you are”

(♥♥♥) “dream has friendship hacks”

(♡♡♡) “let’s watch a movie” feat. sapnap

(♥♥♥) “the only man i’m into is george”

(♡♡♡) “you broke my heart dream by....breaking my heart”

(♥♥♥) “keep lying to him george”

(♡♡♡) dream team not dnf but i love this so watch it plz

(♥♥♥) “you turn your camera off to sneeze? it’s okay we love you”

(♡♡♡) “dance with me dream”

(♥♥♥) “dweaaaam pleaseeee”

(♡♡♡) “it’s fine dream, i’ll stream another day” “waaaaaaah!”

(♥♥♥) “i just wanna talk to you”

(♡♡♡) “you’re just like interesting in general george”

(♥♥♥) “when’s my birthday dream?”

(♡♡♡) “here these are for you 🌹”

(♥♥♥) “i love you george”

(♡♡♡) “i’ll fight you in sumo when you’re in my house”

(♥♥♥) “we’re going together aaaaah”

(♡♡♡) “guess what, i had faith in you”

(♥♥♥) “or OR.. we could... kiss?”

(♡♡♡) “i haven’t had my first kiss” “that's a lie, you kissed me”

(♥♥♥) “hey dream give me an ak.... please”

AND OF COURSE THERE ARE SO MANY MORE BUT... i cannot do this any longer therefore the rest are compilations because i cannot do this any longer

(♥♥♥) every time george has said ‘i love you’ (kind of) to dream

(♡♡♡) dreamnotfound moments

(♥♥♥) gaymest moments

(♡♡♡) rare moments

(♥♥♥) wholesome

(♡♡♡) idiot compilation

(♥♥♥) love languages compilation

BONUS: this soulmate compilation...

SO ORIGINAL POST - links wouldn’t work when reblogged because it went over link limit with everyone tagged, so i will reblog with everyone who’s clips i’ve included!

[madmaddyenby]

/rp /dsmp

ok so- c!tommy. we are all aware he’s traumatized, and experiences ptsd from being in traumatic experiences, this is basically fact.  while i’d like to talk how c!tommy experiences ptsd, i’d like to bring up a thing i haven’t seen mentioned a lot when it comes to c!tommy and his trauma- c-ptsd.  also known as complex-ptsd.   it occurs when someone experiences something traumatizing for a period of time.

[image description: A screenshot of text with the words “CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which a person might experience intense PTSD symptoms that coincide with other mental issues. CPTSD occurs in people who have been subjected to on going traumatizing experiences”. end description]

which, as we know, the exile arc fits the description of “ongoing traumatizing experiences” pretty fucking well.  the exile was basically just two weeks of trauma.  for a lot of reasons too, there was dream abusing tommy, tommy being isolated, tommys own depression/suicidal thoughts/bad mindset in general.   this would all be considered a ongoing traumatizing experience(s).  

ptsd is very similar to c-ptsd in how it develops, but ptsd occurs after one singular traumatizing event . (by the way, the event doesnt have to be life or death, it could be something like witnessing or hearing about a shocking event!!!)

symptoms of c-ptsd overlap with ptsd a good lot of the time, due to them both being trauma disorders.  however, there are a few differences.  here r some symptoms of c-ptsd, alot of which are ptsd symptoms that alot ofpeople with c-ptsd experience as well

reliving the traumatic experience

avoiding certain situations 

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

hyperarousal (jitteriness, being on alert, etc)

somatic symptoms (physical symptoms with no underlying cause)

lack of emotional regulation 

change in consciousness

negative self-perception

difficulty with relationships

distorted reception of abuser

loss of system of meanings

now, i’ll go over which of these fit our boy c!tommy, and how they fit for some of them atleast.  i will only be talking about the things that are a result from c-ptsd, but also c-ptsd works where it coincides with other mental illnesses a person has so.  its also important to note that within a person these symptoms might not stay the same over time, and not everyone who has c-ptsd or ptsd is going to experience it the same.   (so not talking abt how pain affects him after dying in the prison, though that is a clear sign of ptsd) 

reliving the traumatic experience

tommy’s done this with exile a few times, when revisiting logstedshire, when he saw the craters in logstedshire, when visiting dream in prison, when during the disc finale dream dug the hole and told him to put his armour in, etc etc, he’s even described himself as being trembly in the fingers near plain biomes, while visting logsted he mentioned how shaky it made him to be there, and when he visited logsted one time he had an immediate reaction to seeing a hole in the ground that came off as him reliving it. flashbacks come in from sensations during a traumatic event, like sight, feeling, emotion, etc, etc.  it seems like with these he’s experiencing more of a reliving the emotions kind of thing. 

avoiding certain situations 

i was originally not gonna include this one, but thinking about it, he kind of does in a way.   this symptom also includes keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about it, which is something c!tommy seems to do alot.  with focusing on building the hotel, and doing tasks, or grinding for supplies instead of actually thinking about it.  

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

c!tommy uh. does this a lot.  a lot of it stems from how during exile tommy was isolated and made to believe no one cared for him, and even if that wasn’t true c!tommy never really got much closure on that.  hes not really trusting ppl that b4 were really close to him, tubbo n ranboo for example

lack of emotional regulation

this can also be described as uncontrollable feelings.  this is the one i’ve wanted to talk about the most i think- because this is really fits c!tommy.  he tends to lash out alot, for example burning the flower c!ranboo gave him, there are a bunch more examples of this that include him yelling at others, that one time when he spleefed c!jack 

negative self-perception

yeah.  theres a few examples of this one, the one that first comes to mind is that time during the green festival where he was talking about how he was worse than everyone he didn’t wanna be (including his abuser, c!dream...) .  theres now when he was building his tower by the prison when he was saying he couldn’t use the cobble because it was too him, and people didnt like the cobble. alot of this i think comes from c!dream making him feel basically worthless in exile :(

difficulty with relationships

  Yeah. um.  Alot for this one!!! The first to come to mind is c!tubbo.  c!tommy and c!tubbos relationship is very very wonky, especially considering recent events with tommy feeling like he is being replaced with c!ranboo.  (which he isnt by the way! he just feels as though, which is a valid feeling for him to have :]) .  another person that comes to mind is c!ranboo.  he’s even mentioned how his and ranboos relationship goes back and forth quite alot.  its not very surprising to see that he has difficulty with relationships especially considering a lot of the reason that the exile affected him so badly was because he felt so alone and was so isolated from his friends.  another thing that comes to mind, is when he made c!sam sign that contract promising hat he’d be his best friend and protect him.  theres most likely way more that can be said here, but this is the first stuff that comes to mind.  

distorted reception of abuser

um... yeah.  this one.  this can also be described as , “ becoming preoccupied with the relationship between you and your abuser. It can also include preoccupation with revenge or giving your abuser complete power over your life. “  which is um.  yeah.  c!tommy.  he’s mentioned how whenever he’s around c!dream he feels like hes conditioned to be his friend (which. yea . he was .).  right after he left logstedshire this was very very prominent, he was the biggest c!dream apologist around (/j), saying things like “dream didnt do anything wrong” and even explaining how he wasnt sure about things when it comes to c!dream, that his mind became flip floppy whenever he thought about him.   right now, hes focused on getting back at c!dream, not fully for revenge, mainly for his friends and how he doesnt want c!dream to go around killing and reviving everyone, but the point still stands.  (this all makes me extra sad because he had gone to the prison the second time in the first place to get closure :(( )

loss of system of meanings

Systems of meaning refer to your religion or beliefs about the world.  This can also refer to getting a strong sense of hopelessness or despair about the world, which as of late mainly c!tommy seems to have.  mainly referencing in his stream where he visited dreams bunker, he was asking what the point was of finding things that made him happy if dream was just going to get out the prison and destroy it.  theres also a few things that also go with this, in one stream while he burnt down ponks lemon tree for sam nook he said  "thats still decaying, but yknow, arent we all." and that one time when he gave that hotel invitation to c!techno he was like “ahahha we could die tomorrow anyway” 

-

its also important to note that, “Any type of long-term trauma, over several months or years, can lead to CPTSD. However, it seems to appear frequently in people who’ve been abused by someone who was supposed to be their caregiver or protector. “ Which is.. fairly accurate in c!tommy’s situation.  c!dream might’ve not been a caregiver or protector necessarily but he was still someone that was looking after him yknow? 

there are most likely more things than what i layed out that show that c!tommy most likely also has cptsd, however this is just the stuff that i thought up :] add to the post if you’d like to!

(also this isn’t saying that c!tommy doesnt have ptsd, he had both ptsd and c-ptsd. also i am not an expert about ptsd, cptsd, or mental health in general, if i got any information wrong let me know)

[60000beesinatrenchcoat]

enchanting entropy🤝flyover states