#so I got pretty on the nose/tropey for this one and that was fun

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 16 - Empire In Black and Gold by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Okay, now onto the May reviews! Backlog vanishing before my eyes (or at least is now only 6 books long).

So I went into this book almost entirely blind – my roommate had gotten it as a secret santa gift from someone without much understanding of their taste in fiction, and it had just been laying unopened on the book shelf for four months until I grabbed it entirely based on the author.

I have actually read a decent amount of Tchaikovsky before – Children of Time and Ruin, and then Elder Race – but Empire was honestly entirely different than any of them (beyond a clear aesthetic fascination with anthropods, anyways). Which really only makes sense, considering it’s the first volume of a ten-book map fantasy series instead of hard sci fi or a fairly literary genre-blending novella, and also that it was published the better part of a decade before any of them. But these are things I did not know!

Anyway, there was some fast expectation adjustment going on as I read; the book is map fantasy, of the ‘could basically be someone’s D&D campaign except for how often they split the party’ variety. The central conceits (or gimmicks, depending on how uncharitable you’re feeling) are first of all that instead of having a world populated by humans, elves, dwarves, orcs, and so forth, everyone in the setting is one type of another of insect/arachnid-kinden, humans offshoots whose ancestors infused themselves with the essences of some of the gigantic anthropods who are what the world has instead of chimera and dragons. They physically vary about as much as people in fantasy worlds usually do, and also they each have their own kind of magic. Importantly, the ability to understand, use and maintain complex machinery – to be ‘apt’ – is one of those inherited types of magic, and the Lowlands (the books setting) went through some real upheavel a couple centuries back when the Apt ants and beetles got good enough at technology to overthrow their wasp and mantis overlords.

The story itself is about the looming threat of conquest by the expandsionist Wasp Empire on the border of the Lowlands, and the refusal of the city states’ robber barons and magnates to see it as a threat instead of a profitable trading partner. The protagonists are barely-grown students who are wards or clients of an aging self-appointed spymaster whose been trying to rouse the alarm who are thrown into the spy games after a botched assassination attempt and from there there are duels, slavers, airships, prison breaks, heroic resistance fighters, love triangles, fraught long-lost parental relationships, etc, etc.

That probably sounds pretty dismissive, but I do want to emphasize that it’s not at all bad – it’s just all much more conventional than I’m used to from Tchaikovsky, which is was a bit disappointing. Tropey as it all was, it was still fun, and well-executed and -written enough to be the most enjoyable book I’d read in a decent bit.

Anyway, if a book must have fantasy race science with civilizations of entirely-human-but-also-meaningfully-biologically-distinct demographics, I thought this was pretty well done? Mainly in that it always seemed pretty clear that the ostensible immutable differences in character and intelligence between them are just our main POV being sheltered and unthinkingly racist, and it just barely manages to avoid having one of the kinden be ‘the evil one’, or be a bunch of stupid savages (barely).

I also did appreciate that Tchaikovsky managed to avoid making the Lowlands seem like any sort of utopia (or even, like, a good place – slavery and amoral robber barons and violent chauvinism everywhere), without it ever really being in question whether the whole place getting conquered by the vaguely Roman slaver empire would be any sort of good thing. Likewise also kind of amusing how the main villain’s whole subplot involves having his nose repeatedly rubbed in the fact that, even if he is personally incorruptible and devoted only to the good of the empire, absolutely none of his superiors, peers or subordinates are.)

Anyway, overall a fun read, most of the main cast was pretty endearing, fun pulpy adventure plot with not-entirely-awful pacing, love triangle plot that didn’t entirely make me was to light the book on fire. Still, can’t say it got anywhere close to inspiring me to read the other 9 volumes of the series.

[quillium]

The sword rips through Bart’s stomach. When it’s pulled out, Jaime can see the flash of white bone before the blood comes gushing out, spilling red, red, red.

__

For Day 4 of Bluepulse Week, “Hurt/Comfort”.

[comicaurora]

I just finished rewatching inuyasha, are there any anime or cartoon recommendations you have? And yes, I have already seen reboot, it’s pretty great.

always nice to have my tastes validated, thank you 💖

In no particular order:

Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes - recommended several times before, but it really is one of the best versions of the avengers I've ever seen. Fun ensemble cast with excellent dynamics means every main character has fun chemistry with every other main character, leading to teamups that feel like they shouldn't work but do, like Thor and Wasp having a lengthy conversation about how horrifying MODOK's giant weird head is, Hawkeye and Hulk developing an utterly bizarre friendship, etc. It's also got one of the least bland versions of Captain America who, despite being 100% rock-solid paragon, still manages to have a personality of his own well-written enough that when they do the Secret Invasion plotline the audience can actually tell that Skrull-Cap is a pale imitation of the real version.

Transformers Prime - the only Transformers cartoon I've ever watched, so I can't speak for how it measures up to the others, but it's very solid. Another show that nails a paragon's characterization, this has a really solid version of Optimus Prime, fitting his core characterization of "strong enough to be gentle" - and the rest of the cast is just as well-written, if somewhat less deep. There's a trio of human protagonists that are nominally the focus, but they're really only there to justify focusing on the more interesting robots, and get some focus but are more effectively utilized to communicate the somewhat terrifying scale of the bots and how scary it'd be to be human-sized in that context. The villains are also really solidly written - they manage to retain the Megatron-Starscream dynamic of "Starscream is always trying to backstab Megatron" without making Megatron seem like an idiot for putting up with him. This is probably one of the most intimidating versions of both Megatron and Starscream.

The Owl House - currently airing and not yet finished, but this show is really cute. Human protagonist stumbles through a portal into a magical otherworld that's literally hell with the serial numbers filed off and starts learning witchcraft from an extremely hilarious mentor figure. The first episode is deceptively basic and kids-show-y, but after that things start delving into more serious implications. The main character is written with an extremely on-the-nose portrayal of ADHD and some corresponding RSD (and has a romantic subplot that is both explicitly gay and getting more and more focus as the show goes on, which fuckin rules) and the show delves into some other fairly serious real-world concepts through fantasy coding (for instance, the mentor struggles with a curse that's treated like a progressing chronic illness, and an episode puts focus on how her mother keeps obsessively pursuing magical "cures" that'll theoretically "fix" the problem rather than helping her manage it or improve her quality of life) and doesn't shy away from the real psychological consequences of character traits that might originally seem like jokes, like how a character has comedic delusions of grandeur and reacts extremely badly when they eventually find out everyone around them has just been humoring them. There's also a lot of casual queer representation, which I find very refreshing.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power - I mean obviously this was making my list. Goofy 80s reboot of a toy commercial turns out to be an exploration of love, family, trauma and the cycle of abuse. She-Ra operates on the Rule Of Cool and its corollary, the Rule Of Maximum Emotional Impact. It's not not tropey, but that just kind of makes it comfortable, you know? Villains you like get redeemed, villains you hate get punished, downtrodden characters learn to stand up for themselves, heroes making mistakes realize they've messed up and work to make up for it, the power of love saves the day several times, etcetera etcetera. Also extremely gay. I still can't believe this show really happened sometimes.

Batman Beyond - a show I have described before as "it really, really shouldn't have worked, but somehow it did." A fifty-years-later sequel to Batman TAS focusing on a new kid becoming Batman under the mentorship of an old and cranky Bruce Wayne. Somewhat dystopian cyberpunk future setting, new Batman is basically just Spider-Man, eschewing stoic menace for quips and flips. The similarity extends down to a one-for-one correspondence between their respective rogues' galleries. And somehow it's really solid. Episodic with an open-ended "the adventure continues" wrapup, it's good to watch in one go but it also works for sporadic viewing, even out of order. There's some drift in the status quo, but after a while things get pretty firmly established and the episode order stops mattering.

Tales of Arcadia (Trollhunters, 3Below, Wizards) - Caveat that the finale movie just came out (Rise of the Titans) and I'm not recommending that. The experience of the series is better if you pretend it had an open ending when Wizards wrapped up. Anyway, Guillermo Del Toro loves him some urban fantasy and Netflix likes enabling him, so we got a great set of interconnected series (six seasons total) about an ensemble cast of weirdos dealing with crazy magic urban fantasy stuff. Starts off with a fairly standard unprepared chosen one protagonist navigating an unfamiliar secret world, but the scope quickly broadens and it becomes clear that the core message of this story is that "the lone chosen one must save the world with zero help" is total bunk and emotionally deeply unhealthy, and it's much easier to save the world with a bunch of other cool people who are also good at saving the world. 3D animation is very pretty but takes a little getting used to - all the human characters are a bit distractingly noodly proportion-wise. Has some fun twists and fakeouts and routinely went in directions I was fully not expecting.

Gargoyles - 90s Disney urban fantasy about a clan of gargoyles who end up frozen for a thousand years and wake up in 90s NYC. Don't watch season 3, but everything else is really fun, if extremely 90s. The voice cast is incredibly solid and I honestly recommend it just for the auditory experience (protagonist is Keith David doing his rumbliest baritone, major antagonists are Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis bringing more personality to their respective roles than Riker and Troi collectively had in the entire run of TNG, etc) but it's also just fun overall with lots of cool literary and historical references - the actual historical Macbeth is a recurring antagonist, as are Puck, Oberon and Titania. Fun fact, major romantic subplot between gargoyle protagonist and hard-boiled human cop is documented to have awakened an entire generation of monsterfuckers.

Ducktales (2017) - no, really. Aggressively cute, adventurous and funny 95% of the time so when it wallops you with the really intense scary tragic family feelings the other 5% of the time it's way more impactful. David Tennant gets to do his natural scottish accent as Scrooge. They weren't legally allowed to put Mickey Mouse in the show, so they just get his voice actor to play like five other characters. Sometimes the animation goes really hard for no reason. Surprise, the show that looks like it's about wacky adventures in disney properties is actually about family and togetherness and love and stuff. All this and more might explain why I like the show so much, but I still don't really know.

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood - old news, I know, I've recommended this show a hundred times and probably will a hundred more. Incredibly well-crafted, well-paced, a really solid 64-episode mystery/political intrigue series that only gets better on rewatches as more details and hints pop up. Vocal performances are excellent in both dub and sub, though the names fit a little better in the dub since they're mostly english words. I sometimes describe this show as the best anime I've ever seen, which is admittedly highly subjective, but overall what I mean is it's the best put-together overall - tightly paced, clearly planned out from the start, characters behave like real people and develop naturally as the story progresses, overall a show with very little wrong with it.

[felixnation]

THE TOP 10 WORST KPOP SONGS OF 2020

(WARNING: I DON’T LIKE THESE SONGS AND WILL BE MEAN AT THEM. I DO NOT HAVE ANY PERSONAL BEEF WITH ANY OF THESE GROUPS OR ARTISTS SO DON’T COME FOR ME IF YOUR FAVE MADE A STINKER TRACK THIS YEAR.)

Ah, 2020. The year where disco came back, the 80s came back, and everyone was titling their songs after nonsense words. It was a good year for k-pop overall, with a lot of new trends entering the game towards the end of summer. However, there were some real clunkers that refused to get out of my head this quarantine and pissed me off to varying degrees each time I heard them. This list is an attempt to chronicle all of those.

So without further ado, let’s get this shit done.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

NCT 127 - PUNCH This isn't actually a bad song, hence it only making it to the honorable mentions section. In fact, I think this could've easily made the best list had it not been for one thing, and that's the presence of NCT 127, namely their rap line. The instrumental on this thing is absolutely killer and one of the best productions to come out of SM in a long time. The entire thing is bizarrely structured and incredibly gutsy, and therefore I think it's a travesty that an instrumental this incredible was drowned in ASMR-esque whispers and EYYYY WE BALLINs. There are a few salvageable sections, namely the first post-chorus, and we see glimmers of NCT 127's true potential, should they choose to explore this sound further.

CIGNATURE - NUN NU NAN NA Similar to Punch, I admire the production choices here - there are a few sections that blast you with 100gecs-esque womps, and that's always something I enjoy. The vast majority of the song rarely dips below decent territory, but since the entire thing hinges on the titular hook, it ends up falling apart right when it needs to bring the hype the most. I mean, building a hook around those notes was...an interesting choice, I guess. It reminds me a lot of fromis_9's FUN!, which also constructed the entire song around a terrible set of notes. Listen to them yell that hook at you and tell me it doesn't sound off. Most frustrating song of 2020.

ONG SEONG WU - GRAVITY Have you ever heard a drop this weak? I sure haven't. I hate the way he says DIVING INTO YOUR LOVE, the over-enunciation kills me and there's one syllable too many. Also, thanks Ong Seong Wu for giving CRAVITY the promo they deserve.

BTS - FLY TO MY ROOM I can't relax while listening to this, the beat is so sparse and has this nauseous sway to it that really makes me feel like I'm reliving these past 9 months of quarantine all over again. And just like quarantine, it really feels like this goddamn thing never ends. That final set of choruses is really a chore to get through, and I'm not the only one who thinks so - shout out to Taehyung for serving taste and I'm sorry Jimin convinced you to sing out of your natural range yet again.

TREASURE - MMM Ew.

I*ZONE - FIESTA It's a pretty standard girl group song up until that chorus hits and oh my god, who on earth produced this? Are they actively trying to trigger my psychosis? There are so many sounds happening that it feels like three or four demo tracks laid on top of each other, it makes me confused even trying to figure out what's going on here. And that post-chorus drop is horrendous, it's like the instrumental is literally screaming into my ear STREAM BLOOM*IZ!!! STREAM BLOOM*IZ YOU DUMB CUCK!!! YOU LOVE IT!!!

NOW FOR THE REAL LIST.

#10: TAEYEON - HAPPY

I do not like this. Taeyeon has one of the most powerful voices in the industry and instead of putting it to good use, she decided to put out the musical equivalent of eating a stick of butter. Bland, horrible texture, seems to go on forever and ever, you know you shouldn't be consuming it and you don't know why you're doing this to yourself, etc.

The MV contributed to my dislike, with Taeyeon whitewashed all the way into uncanny valley as she lounges around her beautiful apartment. Well of course you'd be happy if you lived in a place like that, I know I would. The sad thing is that there's some really nice vocal work here and there, but for the majority of the song, Taeyeon decides to serenade us in the most nasal tone that she can muster. I know she can sing better than this, and I'm disappointed in her for creating this and unleashing it on the world.

#9: WEKI MEKI - OOPSY

Whereas Picky Picky was annoying in the best way possible, Oopsy is annoying in the worst way possible. The instrumental legitimately sounds cheap, the drums sound so tinny and artificial that it's hard on the ears. Not to mention the hook, wherein the girls force their voices as high as they can go as they proclaim OOPSY! 

I'm a huge fan of cute concepts, but when it comes to putting out a high-energy sugary track like this, you're walking a fine line between adorable and irritating. Weki Meki didn't even try to walk the line, they just dove headfirst into irritating territory without a care in the world. It literally feels like the audio equivalent of having to hold a whiny toddler and then it pisses itself and the mom is just cooing about how her little darling made an oopsy.

#8: VICTON - MAYDAY

It feels like for most of the year, the vast majority of boy groups were stuck in a rut, knee-deep in sludgy EDM and leather harnesses. You know the songs I'm talking about, and I could've put any one of them here, but I chose this one purely because that chorus makes me feel like I have a concussion. I don't like this song nor the trend it's representative of - I spent most of quarantine having the same dark BG concepts thrown at me over and over and I'm glad things are starting to take a bit of a turn.

The bridge on this is actually pretty great, and the guys in VICTON do know how to sing, as can be seen in the final post-chorus. But man, there's just nothing fresh being brought to the table here, just the same stale trends in their worst form yet. The hook is so slow and drowsy, the same few notes just repeated over and over. I have not seen the MV because I feel like I can picture it well enough in my head just by listening. Are there harnesses? Don't forget those, boys.

#7: MCND - SPRING

Only Pentagon are allowed to do these concepts.

#6: HYO, LOOPY, SOYEON - DESSERT

This is genuinely unlistenable as soon as the drop hits, with a vocal stitching job that might be a horn synth, I'm not sure. That's how annoying it is. The producer is clearly incompetent and the performers are oozing with personality, though not the pleasant sort. The hook is  bratty and the raps here are beyond generic. After the halfway point, there are a couple interesting sounds thrown into the mix, but it's not enough to save things.   

Soyeon in particular sounds awful here, with her iconic nasally tone morphing into something genuinely irritating and borderline spiteful. Age up the toddler from the Oopsy comparison to around 7 or 8 and that's basically what you've got here. All I can hope is that this song is not influential in any way, shape or form, because I just had a vision of Blackpink imitating this production style and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

#5: SECRET NUMBER - WHO DIS?

I'm not sure how many Secret Number fans are out there, but I'm about to make all of em real mad at me right about now. However, it must be said.

This is basically Your Turn by Kaachi again.

I don't think I need to explain that hot take, just listen to the song. It's surprisingly amateurish, to the point where I feel like the vocals aren't in sync and they just used the first take they got from each girl. The raps in particular are awful, and I swear they even sound like they go off-key a couple of times. How this blew up in any aspect is bizarre to me. Anyways, stream Photo Magic and stan Kaachi.

#4: BAEKHYUN - CANDY

Did you want a k-pop version of Yummy by Justin Bieber? No? Well, Baekhyun decided to make it anyways! At least Yummy was sort of funny in how bad it is, this is just...a somber affair. Inexplicably, he manages to oversing the final third of the song, which I don't get the point of, but okay. Lazy, underproduced and overproduced at the same time, bland, boring, annoying...

Wait, did he just say...

Okay, I changed my mind, this is hysterical. Like Pop rocks, strawberry, bubble gum...

#3: (G)-IDLE - DUMDI DUMDI

I'm so sick of this group's 'ethnic' schtick, it's like they never learn. They just don't give a fuck - after a string of genuinely great tracks like Hann, Lion, and Oh My God, they just decide to put out this shit and expect me to listen to it? They're a group with a lot of potential, with some brilliant vocalists and the talent that is Soyeon (who really loves being on this list, apparently) but if they continue down the path of using different cultures as concepts I can't support them any further.

The song itself has salvageable parts, a recurring theme on this list, but the over-the-top tribal influences are so obvious and tropey that even listening to it feels gross. (G)-Idle have more creative control than most groups, and the fact that they're capable of creating works of art like Lion is what makes me harsh on them. Instead of moving forward, they continue to regress into their comfort zone of cultural appropriation.

#2 YOOA - BON VOYAGE

Speaking of cultural appropriation...are we gonna address this? Nah? Okay.

Oh My Girl, YooA's parent group, has a history of blatant cultural appropriation (and arguably some legit racist moments depending on how you look at it) and they seem like they're not changing anytime soon. That's why this particular song stings even more than it probably should. If you thought Dumdi Dumdi's tribal influences were a little too on the nose, take a listen to this chorus.

YooA has a bad voice, is wearing tribal face paint, and is running around the wilderness whitewashed into oblivion while a choir of nameless voices chant vaguely tribal things behind her. Even in an industry like k-pop, this sticks out as something in bafflingly poor taste, and I can't see how she got away with this in 2020.

#1 BLACKPINK & SELENA GOMEZ - ICE CREAM

Well, this is a predictable pick. 

I don't know why or how Blackpink thought they could get away with drip-feeding blinks content for 4 goddamn years in the lead-up to their first album, only to drop this big fat clunker on them. I honestly felt insulted by the song, from its cheap, tinny production to the god-awful lyrics. I don't know how anyone could find any value in a piece of music this soulless and hollow.

Lisa's raps are by far the worst part of it, with FIRE BARS such as "you're the one been chosen, play the part like moses" and "mona lisa kinda lisa". Unfortunately, these raps take up a good portion of the song, and there's nothing going on in the instrumental to distract you from them, save for that little ice cream truck jingle. (or at least I think that's what the producer was going for)

Selena is a non-presence and essentially blends in with the girls, who WAIL that awful hook like their lives depend on it. Also, there's some really cheesy innuendos here that're sung with all the sex appeal of the actual ice cream truck driver from literally your neighborhood. 

I loathe what this song represents - the only good thing about it is that the girls look stunning in the MV. And that's exactly the thing - this song represents the exact moment in time wherein Blackpink admitted to their audience that music is no longer their main focus. This is the peak of their influencer-ization, and only time will tell if they'll redeem themselves. (Spoiler: They sort of did, goddammit.)

[beastenraged]

About your kh story idea of SI in Ventus's body. The one who doesn't know KH. Can you give some snippet? Or just raw ideas? Cause I just like this oblivious person being dropped sideway into KH, causing confusion everywhere.

Yeah, let me just shove some stuff I’ve written under a readmore. 

Note: It’s set in the space between DDD and KH3. I’ve also moved up some events that I’m pretty sure happen either during KH3 or right at its beginning for...reasons. Also, using my usual worldbuilding extra for lulz. 

Out of (Anime) Body Experience

My room’s cold. Frigid. 

The heater go out again? Third time this month, stupid landlord...

I smack my lips, hand reaching up to rub at my face. No blankets, probably pushed off by my active sleeping. Sleeping I would like go back to, fuck the cold. 

Feels awfully hard for my bed. 

I snort and roll over. 

Only there for to be nothing to roll onto. 

WHACK!

“Fuck!”

That hurt! The floor is super hard. Not great for smashing your face against. 

I peel myself off and sit up, rubbing at my sore nose. 

Wait...that hand. Not my hand. 

And the rest of me? I look myself over. This isn’t right at all. 

My new clothes are a mismatched black and white mix, and seem kind of small for some reason? Tiger-like stripes (scars, maybe?) stretching curling around my arms, my wrists, in a pale brown. Hair’s not in my face, should check that out...

My fingers brush the top of my head. My hair...it’s all pokey. Spiky. Naturally, no gel needed apparently. Could be a really bad case of bedhead, but bouncing the hair with my head...it stays in the same spiky shape pretty stubbornly. 

“What the hell.”

Okay...everything is anime. Why is everything anime? Am I dreaming?

I glance behind me at my “bed.” Not a bed at all, but a white throne. Chain patterns surround it, on the walls and floor. 

Also, a pressing problem: what the fuck was my new body doing sleeping on a throne? That’s never a good thing in a story. Implies some sort of special destiny whenever it happens. A special destiny that does not belong to me, stranger of this body. 

Maybe my surroundings will provide me with some clues. 

First observation: everything is very...white. A neon, eye blinding white. The white of mad scientist laboratories from fiction. Possibly real life too, don’t you need stuff to be white to see if blood and shit gets on the floor?

...actually, that’s my second observation. My first is that I’m anime now. 

Another point of interest: do I know what anime? If it is an anime, I guess. Can’t tell without a mirror, unfortunately. 

Well, can’t see my face at least. I reach up and tug a chunk of hair down into my field of vision. 

Blond. Bright blond. 

...

Well, that told me...not a lot. Blond’s the usual tropey thing, isn’t it? Probably makes me a...possible protagonist. Not good for my future health and wellbeing. 

If this is an anime, again. Still don’t know that for certain. 

This shit’s way too weird for me. 

Need a breather. 

I sit down on the throne again, for a spot of thinking. Shiver as goosebumps race along my new skin. 

My fingers drum against its arm. 

My list of facts so far: 

-Room is white. Very white. Also cold. 

-No bed. Just a probably symbolic throne. 

-Anime hair, anime clothes, anime body. Not my body. New. Also short?

Also. Probably, possibly a dream. Doesn’t feel like one, but...who knows for certain? 

“Gotta find a way out.”

Won’t that be fun...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I shield my eyes as I look over the building I’ve just vacated. 

A...castle. A weird Alice in Wonderland, on a bad acid trip type of a castle, pointy green roofs everywhere. Not a speck of white to be seen, unlike the entirety of its interior. 

A castle. Huh.

“That explains the throne.”

Better not be a prince, new body. I don’t have any idea how to run a country. 

My current surroundings are gray fog-mist. Everywhere. 

No landmarks, other than the castle. 

My chest heaves. Great. Time to pick a random direction and walk. 

Everything keeps looking the same even after who knows how long I’ve spent walking through the shitty fog. 

Probably magical or something like that. Meant to protect the castle most likely, from people finding it. 

Really inconvenient to me, trying to leave the castle. 

I groan and pop my back. I better not get stuck here for-

Wait.

A shiver runs across my back. A someone-is-watching-me kind of shiver. I turn and there’s...

There’s someone about my size standing in my way. 

Wearing a black coat, and a strange faceless helmet made of a pitch black glass. 

Yeah, this guy is clearly some sort of villain. 

Whoever you are, I dub thee Mr. Helmet. Nah, Dark Helmet. Better reference.

“Hey, Venty-Wenty. Fancy meeting you here,” a pretty roughed up male voice grinds out. 

Huh, that's a derogatory nickname if I’ve ever heard one. Also a clue. 

Apparently this body did belong to someone else at some point. Someone who this guy has a derogatory nickname for. 

Venty-Wenty. 

...

Oh God, please let this body’s name not be a type of coffee. Please.

Fishcake was bad enough. 

Dark Helmet seems to be expecting an answer of some sort. 

I really don’t have enough information nor the desire to pretend to be someone I’m not. Straightforward it is. 

“Who’s that?”

Dark Helmet doesn’t seem happy with that, moving more into my personal space. 

“...did you forget again?”

Again, an important clue. My body reacts before my head does, shoving the guy out of my space. My mouth follows after. “Back off.”

A choke of a laugh. This guy needs some cough medicine or something, stat. “Venty-wenty, I can’t do that.”

Okay, enough of this. 

“Look, I’m not this guy you’re looking for and frankly? I don’t give a shit.”

I turn my back on him. Have my own answers to look for, away from this dude. 

Look, I know, I know, dumb mistake on my part. Hindsight 20/20. 

Catch a swish of something smashing towards me, in the corner of my eye. 

Dark Helmet’s already displayed a temper. A dislike for whoever owned this body before me. Why wouldn’t he attack me from behind?

With a fizzle of something that jitters in my veins, I twist and my hand stretches out. 

CLANG

The strange weapon Dark Helmet’s using clashes against some kind of sword, cold metal suddenly appearing out of nowhere in my hand. 

A sword that- 

Wait. 

Wait just a damn minute-!

I know what kind of weapon this is. You wander around long enough in any anime or video game adjacent part of the internet, you learn at least about the kind of weapon I’m currently using to keep myself from getting a severe case of stabbitis. 

A Keyblade. 

“Shit, Kingdom Hearts?!” I blurt out.

Dark Helmet moves his helmet head closer to me. Enough to catch some of my puzzled blue--eyed reflection in the black glass. A head tilt of some sorts, maybe? Can’t see his expression, makes everything harder on my part.

“What?”

“Shit, fuck. Just ignore that.”

I press back with my “Keyblade.” My body somehow manages the rest, doing some kind of flick that pushes me away from the masked guy. Out of his reach. 

A state of being that doesn’t matter much with video game mechanics or any kind of anime stuff. 

...Wait, is that something I have to worry about? Food for later thought. 

More importantly, Kingdom Hearts! I don’t know anything about it, other than the Keyblades and shadow monsters called Heartless and there’s Disney characters!

The main character’s either...Riku or Sori? Can’t remember. 

Definitely not me. 

...Considering I’m currently going up against what is most likely a minor villain of some kind, that doesn’t actually make me feel better. 

My face screws up in a scowl. “Go away, got it? I don’t want to fight you!”

“I’m going to beat some sense into you, Ventus.” Dark Helmet lifts his own Keyblade into some overarching attack stance, like the one Obi Wan always uses in Star Wars. 

Finally got a name. But...got a fight too. 

Of course it’s going this way. 

It’s totally anime, shounen anime at that. Fighting solves everything, right?

Great. 

I’m no Naruto though, able to pull off a talk-no-jutsu. Just...try not to die, I guess. 

I sigh and attempt...to do something. I don’t actually know real fighting stances, so I hope the position my new body has fallen into automatically will do me some good. 

Dark Helmet makes a hissing growl noise and goes right into it. 

Time for one last word. 

Perfect for the situation, I settle on, 

“Fuck!” 

(>.<)

Don’t really want to go by my real name. 

What can I use instead? 

...

Not one of my most recent handles, even if they can’t access 

Well, there is that really old internet username I used back when I was a dumb Spyro fanboy on the edge of middle school wandering through forums I probably shouldn’t have been going through. 

sparxbestfriend11.

Or an actual name out of that...

“Sparx.”

[nellied-reviews]

Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities Re-listen

Hello! I hope you're safe and well, wherever you are right now, and looking after yourself as best you can. It's a weird time to be alive, certainly. Fortunately, there is in this life one thing we can rely on: Douglas Eiffel will forever be a dumbass. I've hit episode 3 in my Wolf 359 re-listen, and boy, did this one cheer me up. So, without further ado:

Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities

In which Hilbert and Hera make a great but also terrifying team, Eiffel will do anything to avoid his physical exam, and Mink-oH MY GOD YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS?!

I feel, off the bat, like this episode is different to the previous two in a really good, productive way. It's a subtle thing, but it's something I definitely noticed this time round; Discomforts, Pains and Irregularities just works differently to the first two episodes. Where they were a sort of slice-of-life affair and a then a straight-up sitcom, this episode is more of a comedy horror movie; where the conflict in the first two episodes was between Eiffel and the rest of the crew, here we get our first external threat; where the plot, in the first two episodes, revolved around mundane, small things like radio broadcasts and toothpaste, the plot here's about a mutant space plant monster. It's a neat way of setting certain genre expectations and helping us triangulate, roughly, what we can and can't expect from the show, establishing a couple of constants (we're probably not going to get an episode, for example, with absolutely no comedy), but also a range of different tones the show can play with (sitcom, B-movie horror, weird sci-fi)

That said, it's not obvious from the beginning of the episode that we've stumbled into a horror movie. At first, when Eiffel starts his log sounding so very defeated, it seems like we're being set up for an episode about Eiffel trying to dodge a physical exam. Which you could get a whole, pretty decent episode out of it, for sure -  it would probably end up following a very similar template to Little Revolución. Step 1: have Eiffel do something ridiculous. Step 2: escalate things. Step 3: Eiffel is defeated. Solid, right? So when Hera announced that physicals are coming up, it feels like there's a predictable way that this going to play out. Not bad, per se. But we can see where it might be going.

We do get the fun twist of Hera cooperating with Hilbert, and sounding surprisingly chipper about the whole affair. And I guess that makes sense? She doesn't have physical body in the same way as Eiffel and Minkowski do, after all, so she's not getting a physical, and I can totally see her making the most of it to troll Eiffel, or indulge in some Schadenfreude. Or perhaps she's just helping Hilbert because it’s her job. Who knows? Either way, it's nice, if a little bittersweet, to see Hera and Hilbert working as a team again and trusting each other; after season 1, we don't see so much of that, for obvious, murder-y reasons.

I also have to wonder, at this point, why Hilbert is running these physicals? He says it's to stop disease spreading, but surely the Hephaestus, a closed system with three actual people living there, has got to be disease-free, right? The only thing I can think is that this is actually part of his work on Eiffel, a convenient excuse to take samples and see how the Decima is doing. Which makes an already terrifying prospect even more frightening. I guess he also has to collect samples for Minkowski, to maintain his cover? Or - a more alarming thought that I kind of wish I hadn't had - he might also be taking measurements and samples in preparation for giving her Decima, should Eiffel go the way of Lambert and the last crew. Cheery stuff, you know?

That’s just me overthinking things, though. What we actually get, as the episode gets going, is a panicky, nervous Eiffel desperately bullshitting Hilbert to get the good doctor off his tail. Which is so very relatable. I feel you, Eiffel. 

It didn't escape my attention, here, that Eiffel mentions a recent power outage. It's another sign that things were going wrong in the Hephaestus from the very beginning - something we won't get confirmed until Pan-Pan, I think?

It also didn't escape my attention, on a more immediate note, that Hilbert used up all of the water doing radiation experiments in the greenhouse. Which I bet is totally fine and totally didn't create the plant monster in the first place. Nope. Nuh-uh. No foreshadowing here.

In any case, Eiffel's ruse works, and then we get Eiffel and Hera just bantering for a bit, which is always a delight. Hera gets all sniffy (pun unintentional) about Eiffel's personal hygiene, Eiffel lobs a "you don't even have a nose anyway" back at her, she leans hard into her "well you're a feeble, puny human" shtick. It's fun, and I can totally buy that this might be a conversation they have had many times before. I don't know, I just really love their friendship, okay?

What I also love, when Minkowski calls to ask for help with the plant monster, is that Eiffel just straight-up assumes that she's also trying to get out of her physical. Like... has he met Minkowkski?! And yes, okay, technically she was in the greenhouses trying to avoid Hilbert. But the fact that now, when she is quite obviously not kidding, Eiffel decides to shrug it off? Genius. I love it. So very dumb.

Then, of course, we meet the plant monster, which is honestly one of my favourite things about this podcast. It's just so out-there! After two more slice-of-life episodes, it's delightfully weird, but also puts us firmly in the realm of soft science fiction. Like, there's no pretending, with a mutant plant monster, that this is going to be gritty, realistic, hard science fiction, and I kind of love that? Certainly, setting aside question like "is this scientifically plausible?" lets the show do all sorts of wacky, fun things that just make for a more engaging story. Mutant plant monsters are in the same cheesy B-movie vein as the Dear Listeners, super-soldier-creating viruses and mind control machines, and Wolf 359 is 100% better off for it.

Minkowski doesn't share my enthusiasm for the plant monster, sadly. She goes straight in with a flamethrower. Ah, Commander. Never change.

Eiffel still doesn't believe that it's real, even as he goes down to check on Minkowski, which is kind of hilarious, especially because it's such a tropey horror movie set-up. For such a pop-culture-savvy dude, he really dropped the ball on this one. But it's nice to see him and Minkowski bonding over being mutually freaked out by the thing. After two episodes of Minkowski being mad at Eiffel for various offences, it's cool that they're working together here, even if it takes the joint threat of Hilbert's physicals and a plant monster to get them there.

It's also here that the podcast format works so well, because without a visual on the monster, it's so much more frightening. Seriously, I bet all of our mental images of this thing are way more frightening than anything a TV show could give us, based just on Eiffel and Minkowski screaming.

Either way, we cut away pretty quickly after that, and the episode ends with Eiffel informing us smugly that the plant monster is still out there, but that, as a consequence of the ongoing monster situation, they have at least postponed physicals. It's a fun way to end the episode, anticlimactic in the funniest possible way, focusing on the dumb, mundane stuff and just dropping the plant mutant... for now. It leaves room for future stories featuring our resident not-so-horrifying monster (hello, Minkowski Commanding!). But honestly, it'd still be funny if the plant monster was never brought up again, and just hung round like the proverbial, vine-strewn elephant in the room. Which it kind of does, for a while, at least until Season 2.

It also works, I think, because this episode isn't really about how the crew would defeat a plant monster. Instead, the question the episode asks is just "How do the crew react when something really weird happens?" And the answer we get is something we'll see again and again: Minkowski goes on the warpath and tries to kill it with fire, while Eiffel is a bit more chill about things, possibly unwisely so. It feels like the blueprint for a whole lot of future disagreements where Minkowski generally leans towards more violent solutions, while Eiffel is a little more pacifistic, repping Team What's-Wrong-With-Handcuffs etc.

So yup. At the end of the day, like most of the early episodes, this one’s pretty heavy on the comedy. But it also establishes a bunch of new things that the show can do, and puts our protagonists into a totally new, strange situation, just to see how they react, paving the way for all sorts of future weirdness. Not bad, right?

Also, because it bears repeating, mutant space plant monster. 

Miscellaneous thoughts:

Hera getting snarky about Eiffel's body odour bwahahahahahahaha

That noise is terrifying and will haunt my nightmares

Also, why did Eiffel record his physical six months ago? What could he possibly have been planning on doing with that recording??

"Tell him to go... ffffrequencies!"

Ewwwww spinal fluid samples

"Let's get this - oH MY GOD YOU WERE BEING SERIOUS" 

"For God's sake, help me kill this thing!" "With what? Harsh language?" "With napalm, you moron!"

[kayyeffsee-blog]

Bangtan fics that I’ve read and liked (will get updated)

uhh, so the thing is that a lot of jikook fics will be in here, as it is my otp. But I have  also put in many others. Thank you!!! (this goes in descending order, so newer ones will come on top, and i still have a lot of older fics, they’ll come at the bottom) (all fic titles in italics are my ult favs and all ships in bold have their plot and are not just implied)

On Patrol  and  On Patrol - Season 2 : jikook, yoonseok, namjin, police au, LOVE this series, check it out!

summary: Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable.Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can't seem to keep out of his life.Captain Kim finds comfort in his son's homeroom teacher. Well, cops need some loving too, right?

A Gilded World : i cannot believe this fic aint down there, yoonjin, must read, chaebol au (i love them), ULT FAV, kdrama au, with vmin who has a tiny storyline too, and side namseok, rated E, 169k words, bros jinkook, READ IT, the fic that got me interested in yoonjin.

summary: Jeon Seokjin has exactly four weeks to stop the impending engagement of his younger brother, doomed to a loveless marriage. The only way to stop it is to make a better match, more advantageous, more lucrative for the Jeon family. It's impossible. It's his only option.Min Yoongi does not want, will never want, will never ever even consider, marriage. It's not in the cards. He's stubborn enough to achieve the total ban on marriage talks. Except maybe his grandmother is a little more stubborn than he is, and maybe she's determined to see him march down the aisle.The chaebol arranged marriage au that exactly one and a half people asked for.

baby, love me hard and hold me tight : jikook, ceo kook, tsundere-yet-not-so-tsundere min, lots of smut, dancer jimin. summary’s too long.

all the light we cannot see : yoonkook, spaceship au, tsundere yoongi, wow i read a lot of those, rated E, 109k words.

summary (part of it):  (when jeongguk finally gets his chance to sail the cosmos, it’s onboard the ship of an aggravating man named min yoongi. he thinks it’ll be extraordinarily dull—but the universe, and the legend of treasure planet, have other plans.)

note: another not so common yet not completely rare pair, i honestly love this fic so much.

nobody's like you  : jikook, college au, pissed jimin,dense kook, a cute fic, rated T, 20k words. 

summary: if you have a crush but you don't know you have a crush, is it really a crush? and other great philosophical debates with jeon jeongguk.

or, jeongguk kinda fucks up and jimin can only take so much.

흰 여름 ('White Summer') : yoonmin, non-au, lil angst, rated T, 24k words. 

summary: “Diversity,” Namjoon had said when he had explained the concept to them. “Learning to love yourself, no matter what.” “We already did that,” Yoongi had pointed out. “Literally the same title.” But Namjoon, when he looked at him, had seemed strangely bright and somber at the same time. “Not like this,” he had said.Or, Jimin and Yoongi have to kiss for an MV. And deal with the fallout.

7 Minutes in Heaven : yoonmin, highschool au, fluff, mutual pining, rated T, 8.4k words, too long a summary.

♛ Chrysoprase ♛ : vmin, abo but with a twist, aristocracy au, ongoing, a piece written beautifully, rated E, 39k words, rich tae and poor min.

summary (partial):  Taehyung is a rich boy who gets captivated by a trapeze act from an unknown Omega at a theater show sending him on a ride of emotions--and ruts. 

   Mono No Aware : jikook, rated E, 104k words, divorce au, model agency au, summary’s too long.

Cotton Candy  : highschool au, yoonmin, highscool band au, another GREAT fic, set in the 90s, 240k words, rated E.

summary (partial):  As spring turns into summer, school band Cotton Candy unexpectedly loses its singer and the members are forced to look for a new vocalist. Six boys find one in the form of the promiscuous pink haired boy Park Jimin who makes a home in their hearts and finally finds a place he belongs.

Beta Tau Sigma : come FIGHT me, but this IS a classic, frat au, i scrolled through this long ass post twice, i cant believe its not down there, namjin, you need an ao3 acc to read this, anyways i suggest you to make one, crack, 123k words, rated M, shenanigans, side yoonmin with a tiny storyline, FAV. 

Before This Christmas : taegi, non au, amnesia, a great fic, rated T, 8k words, summary’s too long.

black versus blue : taekook, soulmate au, a LOT of angst, i LOVE this fic, hurt/comfort, dr tae, side yoonmin and namjin, rated E, 41k words.

summary: Taehyung had always dreaded meeting his soulmate, unlike the rest of the world’s population. He always hid the words scrawled in black cursive on the inside of his right wrist and felt terror at the thought of them turning blue, of his soulmate speaking them.

And as he sprinted down the packed Seoul sidewalk, hot tears streaming down his cheeks and sobs choking his throat, he knew he'd been right.

Or was he?

sick boy : vmin, LOTS of homophobia, fluff and angst, dystopian korea, its a really good fic, rated M, 8k words, side namkook and yoonseok.

summary: Jimin has always lived in a society where pride was held higher than anything else. His kind nature is unwelcome, and he spends most of his life alone.

Taehyung is the boy who dyes his hair every week, is too eccentric for his own good and is, most importantly, not like the rest of the town that they live in.

Look out the window, do you see love? : jikook, I LOVE THIS, kidnapping au, ceo kook, college student min, tsundere kook, heavy smut and drama, rated E, 100k words, summary too long.

a blessed touch, skin deep : yoonjin, slightly platonic, oneshot, fluff, massage au, but not the smutty kind, rated G, 3k words.

summary: Hoseok recommends his favorite masseur to Yoongi.

Yoonjin Massage AU, with side Hoseok/Jimin and Taehyung/Jungkook

the heart of a siren : jikook, pirates au, angst, enemies to lovers,rated E, 92k words.

summary:  Beware of what you take from the sea. She is not a treasure to be plundered, but a dark, vast void that will swallow you up and think nothing of it.

The Collabofornication : yoonmin, idol au, rapper au, lots of smut, 32k words, enemies to lovers, rated E, 32k words, summary’s too long, really good.

teeter totter : jihope, such a cute fic, 5+1, i love this one, neighbours au, 5k words, rated T.

summary:  five times jimin accidentally stumbles into his neighbour and the one time it’s very much on purpose.

Take Care : a short jikook, accident au, angst and fluff, rated G, 2k words, college au.

summary:  Roommates Jungkook and Jimin are in the midst of a friendship rift until an accident brings them together again.

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo : yoonmin, rated T, royal au, 34k words, cute, i really like this twist on classics kinda thing.

summary: Everyone (including Taehyung, Jimin's best friend) could only talk about the ball the royal family was going to give in honor of the princes. Every single one was thinking and worrying about which clothes they should wear and how to impress the two, very single, princes. Jimin? He could only think about the new regular, who had a sweet tooth and the cutest smile he had ever seen.

The Universe Has Moved For Us, Without Missing A Single Thing : minjoon, such a feel good fic, tsundere min, canon, with a bit of yoonjin, so good, rated M, 14k words.

summary: Jimin is tasked to create his next comeback with his least favourite producer at BIGHIT, RM.

He is petty and bitter from day one.

Or, is he just really bad at feelings?

yesteryear's charms : jikook, hp au, a lot of fun, enemies to lovers (if you dont know, im a sucker for this particular trope), rated M, 18k words.

summary: After losing a bet, Jimin has to perform the Jingle Bell Rock routine from the iconic Muggle film, Mean Girls, at Hogwarts' annual talent show, dressed in red pleather and black knee-high boots. He receives a bigger reaction from certain people (read: ult rival Jeon Jeongguk) than expected.

a dose of salt : jikook, I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS FIC, with a lot of taejin, doctors au, enemies to lovers, pls check it, its great, rated E, 145k words, ongoing, almost finished.

summary: Park Jimin is a renown cardiothoracic surgeon—a genius, a medical prodigy, the best surgeon at the hospital. He’s kind, friendly, handsome, and patient. He’s also the son of the hospital’s Chairman. But nobody needs to know that since he’s worked for and earned everything he’s accomplished on his own without the help of nepotism.Everyone loves him. 

Everyone but Jeon Jungkook, the hot new military trauma surgeon straight out of the army. The decorated veteran is brilliant and quick witted, but has a hot temper and absolutely zero tolerance for bullshit.

When Park Jimin makes a bad first impression on him, things get extremely salty between the two very different personalities.

playing with fire : vmin, ONE OF MY ULT FAVS, rated T, 30k words, college au, drama actor v, dancer min, enemies to lovers, SO GOOD, laser tag.

summary:  Despite never seeing eye to eye on things, Taehyung and Jimin find that they have more in common than expected through a game of laser tag, a play and a dance competition.

At 4 O'clock, I'll Stay : vmin, footballer (soccer) v, bar owner min, enemies to lovers, a good fic, grumpy min, rated E, 35.8k words.

summary (part of it):  the one where Taehyung goes to Jimin's bar to talk bad about his latest soccer matches and Jimin waters down his drinks by "accident."

Happy Ending : namseok, implied OT7, massage au, rated M, smut, 2.3k words.

Rose Quartz and Pink Opal : such a good fic, i love this, if its down there im sorry just tell me in the comments, jikook, rated T, 21.4k words.

summary:  “Everyone is born with either 1 or 2 small powers. If 1, then your soulmate has the other. They will swap the first time you see each other, and you will obtain both when you fall in love. If born with 2, you have no soulmate.”

tell me how to make this better : hurt/comfort, angst, vmin, non au, such a good fic, go check it, summary’s too long, rated T, 44.6k words.

loverboy : vminkook, a masterpiece, manipulation, assasin au, powers au, rated M, 9.7k words.

summary:  this much jimin’s figured out: sometimes, somehow, his words make people fall in love with him.

Never Judge a Book by its Cover : jikook, rated M, library au, 25k words

summary: Thanks to Jungkook's idiot best friend, he drowned the books he borrowed from the library. Now, he has to work there to work off his debt. He doesn't really like the job but that one boy that always has his nose burried in his books makes his days much better.Or in which Jungkook meets bookworm Jimin and falls harder than he thought he would.

note: squeelll, I love this fic!

we've got chemistree : jikook, rated T, 19k words, fake dating au. (can’t put summary bc its too long)

note: I love love love it. do check it out.

The Pink Envelope : yoonmin, no ratings, 12k words, highschool au.

summary: to a prompt I received on tumblr "Oh shit, sorry I got the wrong locker" When Jimin is sending love letters to his crush via locker but fails because it is Yoongi's locker.au where 6 of them are highschool students (Jin has already graduated)... and Jungkook is also in highschool with the rest of them (please don't ask me why I just want him to be there hahahaha)

note: cute and fluffy.

Him : jikook, rated M, 35k words, college au, dancer!jimin au.

summary: 'And like the dawn, you woke the world inside of me You were the brightest shade of sun when I saw you' or “I mean a muse,” explained Yoongi, eyes traveling to Hoseok. “Someone that makes you feelthe shots. Not only take them.”Jeongguk snorted. “You’re just whipped.”“Maybe,” agreed Yoongi, winking. “But it works.”

note: touched my feels, lovely.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin : jikook, rated E, 34k words, non au, a/b/o au.

summary:  The world didn't think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin's handbook on dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

note: amazing! Omega jimin dont wanna be an omega, and tries really hard to be an alpha. easily one of my faves.

Blackjack : yoonseok, vmin, namjin, chat fic, game fic, slightly creepy but light hearted, happy ending, not your ordinary chat fic, LOVE this, puzzles, mystery, rated T, 78k words, summary too long.

Fake Sugar : jinkook, rated E, non-tropey sugar daddy au, competitive eater jin, rich jungkook, fake sugar daddy, 87k words.

summary: im sorry, its too long. but ill put part of it.

(Hedge Fund wunderkind and Certified Awkward Gay Jungkook needs a sugar baby to show off at work, and Professional Competitive Eater and Objectively Beautiful Human Jin just wants to stop working shitty side-jobs. Fake Sugar Daddy AU. A trope and a half.)

note: a rare pair fic. (that rhymes, lol) i love the author, i have read all of his fics, i think. 

Worldwide Lonesome : yoonjin, rated E, 39k words, non au.

summary:  After the BBMA, Yoongi starts bringing guys back to the house.

note: i honestly love this ship and fic, it talks a lot about how closeted jin is and this fic has a great characterization for jin.

 Pause, Rewind, Play: jikook, non au, rated G, 3k words.

summary:  Jimin doesn’t know why it starts. Maybe it’s the eightieth post he’s seen today about him being rejected by Jungkook. But whatever the reason, Jimin starts to not care anymore.

note: loovve it, short and really good.

The Boy in the Music Box : yoonmin, mystical au i guess?, college au, rated T, 52k words.

summary: Yoongi doesn’t really expect anything special when he finds an old music box in his grandmother’s attic and she tells him to keep it. Oh sure, he expects the music box to be a pretty decoration to add to the stale interior of his small apartment. He expects it to play a tune and he might even dare to expect the barely-functioning little ballerina to dance along to the soft chimes, but that's it, really.The last thing he expects is for the little ballerina to take human form at night and throw his life out of balance with radiant smiles, soft giggles, and a heart-wrenching story.

note: another author i absolutely love, this fic is amazing. its one of the only fluffy ones that has made me weep! do check it out

pick me up, buttercup : taekook, soulmate au, crack au, 9k words, rated G.

summary: AU where your soulmate's first words to you will be tattooed on your wrist when you meet. Which freakin sucks, because Jungkook's forearm will now forever read "Hey baby, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first."What the fuck, universe.

note: a very light fic, i love it so much. its really really good.

Cherry Tree : yoonmin, hanahaki au, angsty, rated T, 10k words.

summary: Yoongi always thought that Jimin looked like a cherry blossom, like Spring had manifested itself in the form of a human.Now he knows for sure.

note: really good, not a tragic ending i swear.

good game, well played : vmin, library au, college au, rated G, 23k words.

summary:  AN EXCERPT FROM PARK JIMIN'S PLANNER (ft. Jeon Jeongguk) -grammar reading :( -get pasta -buy the nice guy from the library ❤MY BIG GAY CRUSH❤ coffee

note: super good, college aus are one of my favs.

fairy brat : yoonmin, 3k words, rated T, supernatural au.

sumary: “I don’t know if you know but,” Namjoon says, “Hoseok’s roommate is a little… difficult. Yoongi hyung is a good guy, though, I promise.”“Anyone who lives with Hoseok hyung can’t be that bad,” Jimin says.Jimin could not be more wrong.

note: tsundere yoongi, really good!

The Perfect Japchae : yoonjin, 19k words, rated T, neighbours/college au.

summary:  In the eight months he’d lived here, neither of them had done more than nod in greeting when they passed in the hallway. Most of the time he just ignored Kim Seokjin and went about his own business while inwardly seething. A little voice deep down questioned why, exactly, he was so pissed all the time whenever he thought about his neighbour… but Min Yoongi really didn’t have an answer.

note: i love this pairing, such a good fic!!!

aye, love (you led me to a miracle) : yoonjin, rated T, 6k words, Cafe AU, tsundere yoongi.

summary: It’s six in the morning and all Yoongi wants is some fucking coffee.(Not to be, not to be assaulted with a possibly illegal stare and a smile that could probably bring dead flowers back to life, god dammit)

note: such an amount of fluff, i love it.

I need you boy (you're beautiful) : jikook, chat fic, rated T, 18k words.

summary: (part of it)

t h e d e s t r o y e r: jimin who is ur future husband

ChimChimz: ok so like

ChimChimz: here’s the thingy

00ngi: omfg you don't even know who he is

ChimChimz: uM

note: love it, really good.

to be with you : jikook, rated T, non au, 4k words.

summary: 5 times jungkook tries (and fails) to confess to jimin and the 1 time he succeeds.

note: really cute fic, but i think ill not put notes on all fics now, im getting fed up

A Wish Your Heart Makes : kook/everyone, polyyy, smut, another venturing into newer waters fic, rated E, 16.6k words.

summary: "This can't be the right translation," Taehyung says, before Jungkook can do something crazy like just ask to suck Jimin's dick. Taehyung has his phone out, and is frowning as he taps the screen. "But I looked it up on Naver, and there might be something called sex pollen? Sex pollen? Like, plants?"

gladly beyond : jikook, 21k words, rated M, enemies to lovers fic, sports fic.

summary: too long, but jimin sees the tattoo of his “enemy” at a strip club.

note: another trope i love :)

Riptide : jikook, i actually visited this 10 times?!?, rated M, non au, 62k words, rated M.

summary (part of it):  A three year story [2013-2016] of coming together, breaking apart, and putting each other back together again. Jeon Jungkook learns about change, growing up, and the hardships of falling in love with a friend.

note: really love it

Hey, Baby, I've Got My Ion You : jikook, chem au, bad puns, rated T, 4k words.

summary: 

everyone: fvck the maknae jimin: i'm trying - (aka: chem au where jeongguk jumps two grades and becomes jimin’s lab partner and maybe a little more than that.)

note: copper tellurium (loll)

honest you do : jikook, idol au, reality show au, 26k words, rated T.

summary: “Do you think you’ll be a good husband?” Jimin smiles. “I’ll really, really try.” 

Korea's darling, Park Jimin, gets married.

note: a great fic, honestly.

In the Line of Fire : jikook, are you even here?, if so ty, frat au, 11k words, rated E.

summary:  For some reason, Jimin was everyone's favorite target.

A truth universally aknowledged : yoonmin, college au, rated T, 6k words.

summary: "It is a truth universally aknowledged that Park Jimin has the most wanted ass out of the whole college."AKA 5 times that Jimin gets asked out and Min Yoongi butts in + 1 time where the tables are turned.

Unrequited : yoonjin, taejin, hanahaki au, rated T, 3k words, not a happy ending.

summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned. 

Seokjin starts coughing up crimson-red rose petals.

pulling shapes just for your eyes : taekook, reality show au, rated E, really good (i cant be bothered to make a note lol), 110k words, a lot of sex.

summary: The number one rule when you're a producer on a show like Miss Right, Taehyung thinks, should be do not fall for the bachelor. It's such a shame Taehyung has never been good at following rules.

ringa linga : fluff, yoonmin, one-shot, best man au, rated G, 3k words, crack.

summary: Best man Yoongi needs to pick up the rings for his best friends' wedding. The problem? The clerk won't hand them over.

Enter lifesaver and fake-fiancé, Jimin.

note: light-hearted, really fun.

Heart of War : namjin, 173k words, royalty au, really frickin good, ongoing, rated M.

summary: For the protection of his people, Prince Seokjin has to marry his fiancé’s killer: the alpha king of the most ruthless and feared kingdom in all the lands with a reputation of being a cold blooded monster on the battlefield.

Worst of all, the omega prince doesn't even speak their language.

my heart flutters from the sugar high : taegi, I LOVE THIS FIC IT’S SO GOOOD, <cough> 5.9k words, rated M, canon compliant, crack, every so slighty tropey, just a teeennyy bit, fake dating au.

summary:  Yoongi and Taehyung sneak around together, cheating on their diets. The group? They've drawn different conclusions.

Seeking Alpha : jikook, I love this author, 17k words, rated M, a/b/o fic, but not the wolfy (lol) kind, i guess you could say ‘in a modern setting’, cracky.

summary:  It was meant to be a “fuck you” to the dating world as Jimin knew it. He was done with dating, fed up with alphas, so he put a message out to the world to say so. How could he have guessed the sweetest alpha ever would respond to it just to prove him wrong?

The Jeon Pack : jikook, a/b/o dynamics, THE BEST abo fic you’ll ever read, 70k words, rated E, the wolfy kind (heh)

summary: Jungkook's pack had survived centuries in the cold unforgiving forest. They followed strict traditions and laws to ensure their survival against nature and rival packs. Soon the responsibility of leading the pack would fall on his shoulders but before assuming the position of head alpha, he needed to choose an omega mate.

The problem was that Jungkook was in love with an omega that hated his guts.

浮世 U K I Y O : yoonmin, i’m pretty sure you’ve read house of cards and songbird and the sea??, this one goes in the same category, a breed of those two classics, Mafia au, rated E, almost complete, 366.9k words, oh and btw if you haven’t the above two ill link them right below.

summary: “Is that what they say about me? I'm stuff of nightmares?” “You own a city and you painted it with your colors,” Jimin says, his voice is quiet and his scent subdued. “Why wouldn't people have nightmares about you? You are scary.” “Are you scared of me?”Yoongi owns a city that he painted red until a man that doesn't seem to truly exist steals something from him. And all the strings lead to Jimin, a succubus who works in one of his brothels.

House of Cards : the LEGENDARY fic, vminkook, gets you right in the feels, dont waste your time here go read it, 394k words, rated E, mafia au.

summary: Jungkook is the heir to a mob empire, the most notorious in the whole of Seoul. Taehyung is a rookie sent in to infiltrate by his select team and bring the empire crumbling down."You knew the game and played it, it kills to know that you have been defeated."

The Songbird and the Sea : AGGHHHH, THIS IS THE BEST FIC EVERRR, made me love pirates, yoonmin, just read it, 255k words, pirate au, rated M.

summary: (wayy too long, go read it!!!)

time slip : jikook, rated T, alternate canon, 29k words, time-related fic

summary:  Jimin wakes up in the year 2017, which is very strange, considering the fact that last he checked it was 2013.

note: a great canon fic

A Glass of Water : jikook, but namjoon pov, a fresh fic (others aint rotten mind you), 8k words, rated T, college au.

summary: Namjoon is maybe a little over protective of Jimin and takes it upon himself to find out the identity of his new boyfriend. The others are absolutely no help.

Or, Jungkook and Jimin are dating and everyone knows except Namjoon.

You Broke My Heart (but I broke it myself) : jikook (haven’t you gotten fed up yet XD), anggstty, 19k words, rated M, alternate au.

summary:  Jimin's fiancé has abandoned him on his wedding day, and Jeon Jungkook, Jimin's first love and worst heartbreak, is back.

You Don't Bring Me Flour : short jikook, fluff and crack, college au, rated G.

summary:  In order to graduate, Park Jimin must convince cute grocery cashier Jeon Jungkook that this sack of flour is his beloved child.

Shooting Stars and Silver Moons : vmin, rated E, 20k words, fake-dating jikook, college au, bff fic.

summary: Yoongi and Jimin make a bet, Taehyung makes bad decisions.

(Or: "I'm kind of pissed you didn't choose me to fake date, I'm your best friend")

blindside : namhope, namseok, blind date au, rated T, i love this fic so much, 12k words.

summary:  Hoseok finally somewhat has a date. A blind date, but a date nonetheless.

The Shaman and the Exorcist : namjin, spiritual au, ghost au, but not the scary kind, college au, cracky, rated M, 145k words, apparently i visited this fic 21 TIMES (gasspp), i LOOVEE this too

summary: (too long)

in your eyes (it's where i wanna be) : yoonmin, tooth rotting fluff, rated T, 5k words, college au.

summary: Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T.

(Or: Jimin accidentally starts a nickname war with the cute blonde who likes his coffee way too bitter.)

i'll stick to you like glue-cose : jikook, rated T, 7k words, enemies-to-lovers kinda, really good.

summary:  Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy - unfortunately also a past hook up - that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won't let him.

you're only brave in the moonlight : smuutt, bff au, vmin, college au, rated E, 14k words.

summary: There are reasons, very specific reasons that justify why—in three years of being hopelessly pathetically in love with his best friend—Jimin has not said a single word. Certainly hasn’t made a single move or attempt at a pass.But when it comes down to it, three years is a long time. A very long time.So when Jimin’s dam breaks, it breaks hard.(Or, Jimin asks Taehyung for help with taking photographs.)

(it's a paradise) it's a war zone : jikook, vacation au, really cute, enemies to lovers, rated T, 7k words.

summary:  murphy's law states that "anything that can go wrong will go wrong." jimin could maybe make peace with that if it didn't mean sharing a room and a bed with jeon jeongguk, the thorn in his side, for the entirety of his vacation.

once upon a timeshare : jikook, ex fic, rom com style, cute AF, 32k words, rated E.

summary:  Jungkook is in desperate need of a vacation, but spending two weeks in Namjoon and Hoseok’s timeshare in Okinawa with his recently separated ex of three years was probably (definitely) not what he had in mind.

Tie Me Down : taegi, lovvveee this fic, really fun, has drama elements to it, rated M, college au, 24k words.

summary: “I’ve just woken up with a fucking splitting headache, to find myself fucking taped to an office chair in a fucking living room that smells like unwashed socks and takeaway food. How am I? How do you think I fucking am?” “Wow. That’s a lot of f-bombs you’re dropping. Did anyone tell you that you need a healthy dose of positivity?” 

In which Yoongi’s life is a parody of Taken and Taehyung is just trying his goddamn hardest not to get arrested.

a sugar coated pill and a pick me up : soccer dad fic!!! namjin, kids taekook, rated T, really good, rated T, 25k words.

summary (only a part):  namjin are soccer dads who fall in luv

shōnen-ai love you : one of the most fun and cute (read: fluff) fics, vmin, rated T, manga fic, high school fic, 4k words.

summary: "What if I woo him with what he likes?" Jungkook frowns. "Knowing you, it's going to be a disaster." "I'm in pursuit of Park Jimin," Taehyung tells them dramatically, just as the bell rings and the teacher starts writing the first question on the board. "I'll do anything."

Doing anything means, apparently, studying BL manga.

My Cup of Tea : cute and short, minjoon, 6k words, high school fic, milk tea (lol) fic.

summary: One of Taehyung's many admirers tries to woo him by bringing him milk tea every day but Taehyung is lactose intolerant so it's always Jimin who drinks it.

From a distance away, the admirer watches.

Pastel : POLLYY, not really my cup of tea but i wanted to explore you know, jungkook/everyone, i liked it kinda, bdsm, baby kook, daddy kink, rated E, 188k words, bottom jk.

summary: Jeongguk learns the age-old lesson that you can't run from who you are, or who you like, for that matter.

There are a LOT of fics left, I’ll slow update.

[captain-aralias]

8, 15, 17, 28 for the writer meme, if you didn’t already get any of those

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

i just answered this, but since it’s you, i’ll go for some blake ;) hm.... 

i must say, i think i have written some pretty great dialogue for blake’s 7 in my time. here’s one of my favourite bits - 

“It’s a quality operation,” Vila said. “They wouldn’t skimp on a thing like that. You want a boyfriend, Blake – and I want to go to Del Ten. Give me your promise that we can spend a week there once we find Docholli and I’m your man.”

“Vila, once we’ve found Docholli, we will have the key to finding Star One,” Blake pointed out.

“Are there any dancing girls on Star One?”

“I very much doubt it.”

“Then I’d still rather go to Del Ten,” Vila said.

“Couldn’t you wait?” Blake suggested. “Until after we blow up Star One?”

“After you blow up the Federation’s weather control systems, you mean?” Vila said. “And throw the civilised world into chaos? Right, I’m sure that would be a lovely time to take a holiday. Got any more suggestions like that, Blake? Perhaps I should invest in the stock market at the same time.”

“Two days,” Blake said. “I could give you two days on Del Ten.”

“A week!” Vila repeated.

Blake shut his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He willed himself to find the strength to complete this conversation and make the right choices.

“Oh, Blake,” Vila said kindly. “You really need this, don’t you?”

Blake felt a hand rest on his shoulder and looked up into Vila’s sympathetic eyes. “Yes,” he said with relief. “I’m sorry, Vila. I don’t want to put you in this position. But I really do need this.”

“You’re going to have to give in then,” Vila told him in the same kindly tone as before. “Unless,” he said, a twinkle in his eye, “that is, you want to ask Avon to be your boyfriend...”

i could have quoted this entire scene - even this is a lot. i love writing blake and avon, i love writing avon and vila, but i really really love writing blake and vila together because there are some lovely moments in canon to draw on. they’re two characters who have very little in common except that they’re both smart. this conversation is about how blake - who almost always gets his own way - now needs something he can’t just demand that vila does, and that gives vila the upper hand repeatedly throughout this conversation. blake, even though he knows this is an awkward conversation and really should be better prepared. 

i also like the different lengths of the dialogue - it has a good patter. 

it’s also funny, and funny because it’s cruel to someone (in this case blake, not usually), which is very blake’s 7. also also - it ends with vila insinuating what is essentially the plot - i.e. that avon will have to pretend to be blake’s boyfriend by the end of the story - and this is a trick that i always enjoy for a section end. the audience is like - oh ho, wouldn’t that be simply TERRIBLE? ;) ;) 

good times.

--

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

hm - not sure. maybe right now ... ‘Hang the Moon’? it’s got a lot of good action that would translate well to film, and i have a very clear idea of how most of the scenes look.

it would be kind of weird, though, right to have a film of a ‘carry on’ fanfic before we have a ‘carry on’ film. so i’m finding it quite hard to visualise. 

i would have loved to have written some dialogue for blake’s 7 people to actually say (assuming they remembered how to do the voices properly, paul darrow). i would be so embarrassed to present paul darrow with my porn, though (although ‘An Apple Cleft in Two’ would be so great, though, as it’s practically a bodyswap - i love the idea of seeing the real stephen pacey pretending to be blake, and paul darrow just being so angry), so it would have to be some sort of gen. 

ok - i think i choose ‘Showdown’ because it basically is ‘Duel’, so I know the Beeb could have staged it. it’s got some mega emotion that gareth would have done beautifully, too - 

Blake extracted his hand slowly from Avon’s. He pressed his fingers against Avon’s wrist and waited, but there was no pulse. He let the hand drop and tried the artery in Avon’s neck, but he knew he was just prolonging the inevitable. Avon was dead.

He forced himself to look back at the man who had been his friend.

Avon looked peaceful. The blood spattered on his face was not his – it was Travis’s and had fallen from Blake’s cheeks like tears. Blake screwed his eyes shut again in an attempt to stop it, and in the darkness Sinofar’s voice said,

“So – the battle is over.”

--

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

i almost always write in order. when i think of a scene that is in the future, i will usually write some notes about it, but try not to write it because i very much build on (in my head? i dont know how much comes through in what gets written) what i wrote before in terms of how people think and feel/i do a lot of dialogue call-backs. 

there are a few occasions where i go ahead and write something that happens later, but then i feel like i really screw myself when i try and go back and write the missing piece. i have to re-write everything i wrote previously to make it make sense... ‘Greener Grass’ actually is an example where i didn’t write out of order on purpose, but i thought i’d start with simon’s section which introduces all the bodyswap stuff fine, but it was too heavy with the bodyswap plot AND the introduction of the agatha-isn’t-here/get simon’s magic back stuff. there was just too much going on.

so then i had to write an intro section for baz, which i thin is good - it frames the story as baz’s story, which i know is what rainbow would want, and gives us calm before the storm ... as well as giving me an opportunity to write the exposition i needed. 

but i had to go back an edit the next section a LOT to make room for it. which i hated. 

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

i’ll do two batches. 

blake’s 7: 

x_los is my girlfriend, but i knew her first as an amazing writer. i wouldn’t have written half the things i did for b7 if she hadn’t started writing these epic, involved political stories, and she writes great porn. i really am not interested in david copperfield/uriah heep, but she thinks baz is a cat killer who does not deserve the time of day, so there you go. we’re in different fandoms now. 

elviaprose is not only a great writer (the foot fettish fic is incredible, given that neither she nor i have a foot fettish as far as i know), she’s also really engaged with other people’s writing and i love that. it’s really good fun. 

judith proctor  - i wanted to put in a second generation fan, and i was tempted to go for willa shakespeare (so good, so plotty, so porny) or nova (such pain!), but i have to go for judith. judith taught us all how incredible blake is. her love for this character, and the way that she always writes him as smart but flawed, and attractive to avon because he is smart and principled, rather than for any other reason, is fundamental to any of us reclaiming him for the future. (it’s probably not a surprise that the authors i like really influence me as a writer, but worth calling it out - i am very much saying that as well). Touching Life! so good.

carry on:

we have some amazing writers, thank you fandom <3 three of my very very predictable favourites (the same three, i think, who wrote my favourite fics of last year) are: 

@basic-banshee - what can i say? (insert long pause while i think of what to say.) i mean, we all know Ban is a great writer. it’s a pleasure when the most popular writer in the fandom is also a genius. i love all her secondary characters and that she spends so much time with them. she writes the way i want to - lots of good tropey stuff, great fun AUs, and plotty plotty good plot stuff. also - she always writes the most perfect endings that just make you feel GOOD. 

@sharkmartini - i think we share a lot of the same ideas about what we like in fics i.e. we like the same tropes, we like that baz is a vampire, we think the same things are hot and romantic. i love the way sharkmartini plots this and she always writes great dialogue. also, i do think we owe snowbaz smut to her - maybe it wasn’t the first-first, but ‘Monster Under the Bed’ (which is SO good, honestly still one of my absolute favourite things) seems to have influenced so much of what came after it. 

@krisrix - also an amazing artist, but for me an even better writer. the smut is amazing and sexy while also at the same time being really tender. kris also writes beautiful, long amazing kisses - and again, endings that are so beautiful and tender. also - let us talk about the plotty things! i love writers who mix plot and romance (or even dare i say - smut) because i love to have all the things in one fic. What Stays and What Fades Away is so smart and interesting. and, of course, kris has written my all time most favourite trope - fake relationship.

[flying-elliska]

What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao.  If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

-  When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes.  However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh. 

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute. 

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

 And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too. 

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope.  But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth. 

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome. 

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride. 

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis. 

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it. 

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever. 

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: The Scar

Weirdly, I actually got a fair amount of enjoyment out of of this episode.  Not because it was good in any way – no, it was so bad it rocketed right past just being merely bad into so-bad-it's-funny territory.  Seriously, if you stop caring about how it's treating the characters we actually know and are invested in as either assholes or idiots, this episode is fucking hilarious.  Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that's entirely unintentional.

Okay, so the part where Dean is making fun of Sam's beard is intentionally funny, and it works as a way of reassuring Sam and the audience that Dean is back to being Dean. That and Dean stripping down to a single layer are likely the only things I enjoyed about this episode as they were intended.  Okay, maybe the nod to Sam's serial killer hobby counts, too.  Other than that?

How the last episode basically ended with Jack giving a big speech saying Dean needs to die if they find Michael, but this one opens with him immediately going in for a hug from Dean and then five minutes later the show acts like we should agree Dean is “a dick” for just saying the literal truth that Jack isn't a trained, physically capable hunter?  With Jack's obvious sad woobie face and shoulders of sadness?  LOL  (Chalk another one up in the column they really do not read each other's scripts.)

Castiel staying behind to try and save the B plot, because now it's not just super epic best ever witches like Rowena who are more powerful than angels.  Nope, now his powers are no match for those of a random-ass witch who was taken down by some “hunter” from the AU world.  LOL  (Seriously, the Winchesters should have just saved themselves the time, hassle, and heartache of fighting the apocalypse and just bribed a couple of rando witches to take out Michael and Lucifer in the first place.)

The episode generally, but Sam especially, going on and on about how Dean just won't talk about things!  He's got to stop repressing!  Look, I'm not saying Sam is ever going to learn that Dean needs more time to process before he's ready to talk than Sam generally likes.  That is an established dynamic, and I can see why it’s frustrating for both brothers.  However, the part where the only amount of time that's passed is the literal time to drive back to the bunker and leave again almost immediately?  Yet it's made out to be a Big Deal Dean Isn't Talking Yet – because asking even a whole day is too much? Not to mention it only gets weirder if you add in that Dean didn't even have time to change clothes yet before it starts to be a thing. And it's not supposed to be weird Sam didn't mention there were a whole fuckton of people living in the bunker in this supposed ocean of time where Dean should have been opening up.  LOL

Then there's the absolute soap opera cheese of Jack deciding to run away, stopping because OMG! A GIRL! Who happens to have also just Learned Her Lesson about running away? That's some epically on-the-nose bad teen after school special nonsense.  I mean the acting was fine, but everything about the writing of this melodramatic time waster of a plot?  LOL

To elaborate further, I can't remember and don't care enough to check if Castiel and rando hunter chick were close enough to hear Jack and teen drama's conversation.  But the idea that literally anyone would take a witch saying her victims were “keeping her young” as a metaphor?  Even if they didn’t hear it then, the idea that neither of them would have talked to the girl themselves or otherwise learned anything about the M.O. of the witch whose “curse” they were trying to fix?  Let alone that neither would notice the goddamn matching necklaces?  Jack is ~*so smart*~ for solving this blatantly obvious Blue's Clues level “mystery” that required everyone around him to be brain dead to not get there first!  LOL

Everything about Beren's terrible Ninja Sue.  The return of the cheesy slo-mo.  That nobody's reported a bunch of heads on stakes in the woods even though Jody is supposedly investigating.  That she's so super special Michael senses her and her McGuffin Spear and tries to recruit her.  That she's so super special he literally physically fights her instead of obliterating her with a thought like the other humans and monsters that have tried to oppose him.  That she's so totally informed awesome she actually wins and gives him the ~*Mysterious Scar of the Mary Sue*~.  That two hunters and Jody are overwhelmed by Michael's monsters so she can come back and save them with more of her ludicrous ninja ballet mad fighting skillz.  Maybe they're trying to make the wire fight look less ridiculous in context by making all of the rest of the show's fights look terrible, too?  LOL

That given this joke of a character knocked out Sam and Dean and was going to feed them to a monster, was trying to kill Claire and sadly missed because reasons, and did kill actual!Kaia?  I'm somehow supposed to feel anything about her other than disappointed Dean only punched her in the face the one time?  Like I'm seriously supposed to give a fuck she's being chased by Michael's monsters?  That suddenly now when we're talking about Dean threatening Beren's precious Super Sue, Sam suddenly cares about harming humans again after the whole BMoL fiasco? That I'm supposed to think bad of Dean and feel sorry for this murderous supposed human who can hold her own against fucking Michael (still funny) ... because she remembers that bizarre moment of Dean pulling a gun on actual!Kaia … farted out by this same fucking quote unquote writer?  LOL

That I'm supposed to take everyone's teary eyes over some teen girl they knew for five minutes seriously. I'm talking about both teen drama in the B plot and Jody’s sob story about how she lost actual!Kaia.  Not to mention the hilarious line about Claire's first love.  Ah, yes, who doesn't love characters having informed relationships with randos they just met being The Most Important Evar?  Has Berens, like, ever had actual relationships with other humans that he really thinks they’re this perfunctory?  In bad fanfic by newbies writing for the first time, maybe even in unashamedly tropey shipfic, but writing relationships like this in an actual show?  LOL

The multiple times Berens made Sam spout really fucking obvious exposition to (just barely) give him something to actually do in the episode, just in case the audience were brain damaged or had slipped into a coma to need it spelled out.  LOL

How I'm not supposed to notice that whatever Not!Kaia is doing, AU!Michael is still out there with a plan they don't know and any lead on something that can hurt him is of primary importance and should be sought out as soon as possible? Oh yeah, focusing on that is definitely something for Dean to apologize for!  LOL

Not to mention how Dean's reason for letting Michael possess him was to save the world from Lucifer as well as Sam and Jack.  It's not like Lucifer was a gigantic threat who was planning to destroy the world himself.  Oh.  It's not like Michael was planning on crossing to their world as soon as he found out it existed.  Oh.  It's not like he made a deal with Lucifer that had him already there, wanting to fuck shit up.  Oh.  Nope, there's absolutely no reason Sam should say a single word to his apparently amnesiac brother.  Yeah, yeah, I know Dean has a guilt complex the size of the known universe, but even still?  It's all my fault.  *crickets*  LOL

I guess Jack’s case of previously hidden mystical consumption isn’t actually funny in and of itself, it’s just really cliché.  Considering how badly the writers have sabotaged anything that even remotely resembles stakes of life and death these past couple seasons though?  The idea I would be able to take the idea of it having any significant, lasting consequences seriously is very much a joke (regardless of spoiler knowledge).

[purpleocity]

Amnesia

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 4,141

Summary: You and the Avengers are on a mission when you take a hit to the head, leading to amnesia. Steve and the rest of the Avengers struggle to cope as they realize it may not be temporary.

Warnings: Little angst, mild violence.

A/N: I feel like this whole concept is a little tropey, but it was definitely fun to write. I’ve got more stuff in store for you guys, so stick around!

        You let out a soft groan as you stretched and rolled over, facing Steve who lay on the bed next to you. He watched you with a loving gaze and smiled as you sleepily stared at him. 

"Hello," you said, placing a hand on his chest. He softly hummed in response and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "How long was I asleep?" you asked. He glanced over at the clock. It was almost half past two in the afternoon. "About a half hour. Do you feel better?"

You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair, scooting closer to him. "Yeah. I'm sleepy now." You hid your face in his chest, smiling at the way it shook as he chuckled. He touched your cheek and you looked up at him again. His eyes held such a joy you thought he might explode. "What?  Are you okay?" you asked. He laughed softly and pulled her into his embrace. "Yeah, I was just thinking about how much I love you."

You hummed. "How much might that be?" 

He cocked an eyebrow and looked as if he were going to make a little sarcastic comment, but the look melted and a gentle smile graced his features. "More than you can imagine."

You bit your lip as you smiled. "I love you too."

Steve's chaste kiss found your lips. Your eyes fluttered shut as you returned it. You felt butterflies in your stomach and you rested a hand on his cheek before he pulled away.

"Hungry?" he asked.

You nodded. "Starved."

"Lunch?"

"Sounds great."

          You ducked as a punch was thrown at your head. You stood straight and grabbed your attacker's arm, twisting it and then elbowing him in the side. You kicked his feet out from under him and then zapped him with your lightning, leaving him unconscious. Another HYDRA agent ran at you, brandishing a weapon. You swept his feet out from under him and electrocuted him. Tony flew over and shot a repulsor beam at a cluster of HYDRA agents. Not long after, Natasha sprung from the shadows and began fighting a group of three people. You glanced to the right and saw Steve being driven backward. He punched the agent in the stomach, then hit him across the face with his shield. The agent fell to the ground and Steve looked at you with a smile. It disappeared, sending a silent message. You whipped around and shocked two agents that attempted to sneak up on you. You smirked as they tensed up and fell to the ground. Steve nodded to you, his smile reappearing. "Captain Rogers!" Thor called from nearby to catch his attention. He shot a beam of his lighting and Steve deflected it, mowing down another group of agents. More people flooded from the base they were raiding. Arrows fell from the sky, and you guessed Clint was nearby firing them off. "Bruce, I think this is a code green," Natasha said over comms. "Are you sure?" his response came. She glanced at Steve, who nodded in agreement. "I’m sure," she replied. Bruce didn't respond, but they heard a nearby roar from "the other guy". You were pulled behind Steve's shield as a spray of bullets came from the large group of HYDRA agents. The Avengers were far outnumbered and outgunned, but you had your hopes high. You gave a small smile to Steve, who winked in reply. You conjured a ball of lightning to your palm, sending it into the crowd of adversaries. Several cries were heard as they fell, but it only weakened their numbers by a fraction. The Hulk showed up quickly, jumping into the chaos. "Avengers, asse—" Steve was cut off as he was knocked off his feet from a blast of an agent's weapon. You startled and reached in his direction. He lay there a little disoriented. "You good?" you asked. He gathered his wits and pushed himself back to his feet. He nodded. "Good," you laughed, "I thought I'd have to call Life Alert." He glared and raised an eyebrow at you, but your teasing ended there. The Avengers collected and ran at the HYDRA agents in front of them. You shot bolts of lightning this way and that, sending agents tumbling and unconscious. Steve's shield bounced off several agents, and back to him. You jumped up and kicked a HYDRA goon in the chest, propelling yourself from him and landing back on your feet before you knocked out another with a bolt of electricity. "Y/N," Steve called, hurling his shield, which hit three people before it came to you. You caught it and threw it back to Steve with a wink. "I got you, babe," you flirted. He would have made a little comeback but he was startled as you zapped a soldier behind him. You occupied yourself with three agents who started ganging up on you. You were backed into a small half circle of trees. One pulled a gun on you. You lunged for his wrist, twisting his arm behind his back. He let out a pained cry and elbowed you in the stomach. You held your abdomen and stumbled backwards. You regained yourself and then quickly butterfly kicked him, sending him to the ground. The other two ran at you, but you rolled on your shoulder, shocking the one you just took down, then standing to face the other two. You dropped into a fighting stance and awaited the attackers' next move. One ran at you and you thrust your hand to his chest, summoning all the electricity you could in a split second. He fell limp. Your other attacker made a grab for your neck, but you ducked and punched him in the stomach. He doubled over, but didn't fall. He made to punch you, but you drove your knee into his stomach while he was open. You elbowed him in the side of the head, but he caught your arm, twisting it and making you let out a sharp cry. While you were occupied, your first foe pushed himself from the ground, dusting the dirt from his uniform. He saw the scuffle between you and your current adversary, and joined in. He threw a punch, but you pulled your arm free and blocked it, then ducked as the other tried to hit you as well. You dropped to the ground and swept the feet out from under one, while the other tried throwing another punch. You stood straight again and made to elbow the agent in the stomach, but he blocked. You punched; he blocked. You kicked; he blocked. You threw another punch, and then you found yourself being shoved backward from a kick. You yelped before you hit the tree, then suddenly you were on the ground. You were seeing stars and losing your vision and hearing quickly. Your heart rate sped up. Both agents approached, but the last thing you remembered was two gunshots and their bodies falling limp to the ground.

         Steve heard you cry out and he kicked a HYDRA agent, sending him backward. He looked in the direction of your voice and saw you hit a tree and fall to the ground, unmoving. His eyes widened. "Natasha!" he called out. She followed his gaze, and as if she didn't even think about it, shot down the two agents advancing on you. He nodded to Natasha in thanks. Steve looked around the area, seeing this was a hopeless effort. "We need to retreat!" he said into comms. "Copy that," Tony replied. Steve put his shield on his back and ran to you, picking you up bridal style and holding you close to his chest. He was relieved when he saw you were merely unconscious. "That's right. You're good," he murmured more to himself than you. He jogged back toward the quinjet, hoping whatever injuries you’d sustained weren't too severe.

         The flight back to New York seemed endless. Steve was relieved when they landed. They got you to the doctors as quick as they could. He paced outside your room with his hands folded behind his back. He walked to the window and stared out at the setting sun. "Captain Rogers," Dr. Cho said, closing your door behind herself. Steve turned, a hopeful gleam in his eye. He took note of Dr. Cho's calm nature, which must have meant you weren't too severely injured. "Is she alright?" he blurted. He pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair. Dr. Cho held back a smile. "I ran a few tests on her. It looks like she's received some head trauma. Pretty serious head trauma at that. It shouldn't have too much of an effect. I'd imagine she'll only be unconscious for a while." "Do you have an estimation of how long?" he asked. Dr. Cho thought for a moment, placing a hand on her hip. "I'm not entirely sure. Anywhere between two to seven hours. Maybe even longer." Steve felt himself tense and sighed. "Can I see her?" "Absolutely. Go on in." Steve nodded in thanks and opened your door. He saw you lying in your bed as if you were asleep. You looked very peaceful despite the little bruises and cuts that were scattered across your face. He approached the side of your bed and gazed at you with worry gripping him. He caressed your cheek and softly pressed a kiss to your forehead. He pulled up the stool from your desk and sat, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. He waited patiently.

         Minutes passed slowly as he waited. He only left once or twice to get something to eat or stretch his legs after a couple hours, but he stayed by your side otherwise. He picked up a book from one of the shelves and started reading. He only got a couple chapters in before you stirred. He set the book aside and his eyes brightened as you crinkled your nose and slowly opened your eyes. "Hey, Angelface." Confusion twisted your features for a moment. You were silent. "Um..." you slowly sat up. Your hand flew to your head. "Ow..." "Yeah, you took quite a hit back there." You looked him over, your eyes searching him as if you were looking for something. "What happened?" "We were raiding a HYDRA base and you hit your head. I'm so glad you're alright." Steve leaned over and hugged you. You tensed and politely nudged him back. You had a look of concern molding your features. "Are you okay?" he asked, gently touching the side of your face. You hesitated. "Um...do I know you?" Steve knit hit eyebrows and withdrew his hand. "Y/N, it's me. It’s Steve." You studied him for a long time. You scanned his features intently. When you didn't reply, his heart dropped. "Wait a second..." you mused. Steve felt a flicker of hope. "You're Steve Rogers...Captain America!" That wasn't exactly the answer he was looking for. "Wait...but you're dead." You looked just as confused as he did moments ago. "I...I was, I guess." "Then how—" "It's a long story," Steve cut in. "Hey, you've been out for a while, what do you say I go get you something to eat?" "That'd be great. Thank you." Steve stood and left your room, quietly closing the door behind himself. He sighed and let his gaze drop to the floor. "Cap, is Y/N okay?" Tony asked as he and Natasha approached. Steve hesitated. "She's...fine." "But?" Natasha cued. Steve closed his eyes again and looked out the window, turning to face it. "She doesn't know who I am." Natasha tilted her head. "What do you mean?" "I mean," He turned back to Nat and Tony, "she has amnesia. She doesn't remember me. She thinks...she thinks I'm still in the ice. I don't even think she knows she's an Avenger anymore." The words hurt to say. He hoped to God it was temporary. "Let me talk to her," Tony suggested. Steve shrugged, not stopping Tony as he entered your room.

         Questions stirred in your brain. You weren't entirely sure what you were doing in this room, though it was vaguely familiar. You wondered if it was some sort of recovery room. You furrowed your brow as you thought about the fact that Captain America was awaiting your awakening. Someone knocked on the door, pulling you from your train of thought before it could go anywhere. "Come in," you called. When the door opened, you saw a familiar face. Then it came back to you. "Tony? What are you doing here?" He smiled at you and approached the side of your bed. "I live here." "This is your apartment?" He snickered. "You could call it that. It's Stark Tower. I built it. This is your room." You squinted. "Really?" Tony nodded. "Yep." He sighed. "You have amnesia, Sparky." Sparky. You remembered that nickname. Where from though? You didn't realize how quiet you were or how long you thought. "Sparky?" Tony tried. "Y/N..." You snapped out of your trance and looked to Tony. "I have a feeling we're close...right?" Tony nodded. "Somewhat. Not as close as you and Cap, but..." "Cap?" "Steve." You nodded. "How do I know him?" you asked. You could tell Tony tried not to snicker. "You two are...you're kinda...you guys..." He shut up and thought for a second. "He's your boyfriend." You squinted at Tony. "I don't have a..." you trailed off. You shared an awkward glance with him. "I'm sorry. I...I think I need to sleep. Everything's a little fuzzy right now." "Yeah. Uh, you do that." He took a few steps toward the door. "Let JARVIS know if you need anything." "Jarvis?" Tony glanced upward. "The AI. You'll meet him soon enough." You nodded as he walked away. You watched him close the door. You then glanced around 'your room'. You bit your lip and took in each of your surroundings. You flipped the blankets back and swung your legs over the edge of the bed. You stood and paced to the window, glancing out over the city. The sun was setting slowly, casting an orange light along with shadows from the skyscrapers. You then crossed to your desk. You saw a picture of yourself and your mother smiling. You had vague memories of that day. You’d gone to a festival and gotten copious amounts of cotton candy and gotten sick. You pushed the thought aside and went on, running your fingertips over the top of the desk. You looked in the mirror and glanced at your reflection. You had a fairly decent wound on the side of your head and your eye was generously blackened, with several other scrapes and cuts about your features. You sighed and glanced at another picture. It was you and Captain Rogers. He stood with his arm around you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You were smiling brightly in the picture, and a soft blush covered your cheeks. You stared at the picture for a long time. You felt heat rise in your face the longer you stared. You wished you remembered that. It seemed like it must have been a wonderful thing, being in love with Captain America himself. You picked up the picture, looking at it for a few moments longer before you laid it on the desk face down. You went back to bed, falling asleep soon after pulling the blankets up over your shoulder and laying down your head.

         "You know, brooding isn't gonna help you much." Natasha found Steve in the lounge staring at the wall. "I'm not brooding--" "You're brooding." "...just thinking," he finished with a small glare. She sat on the couch next to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Whatcha thinking about?" she asked in a softer tone. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "Y/N." Natasha have him a sympathetic look. "I understand this is rough. Is there anything I can do to help?" "Probably not." He stared at the wall again. "Thanks though." Natasha nodded in response and patted his shoulder. She stood and crossed to the doorway, stopping for a moment. She turned back to him. "Just let me know, 'kay?" Steve nodded. He looked up with his puppy dog stare as she walked away.

         The days passed as they normally would for Steve, save for the lack of you. He was surprised with himself and how often he wanted to go see you just for a cuddle or a quick kiss and even to see how you were doing. He had also realized how often he would most nights end up falling asleep with you before you lost your memories. His drive to go to you and just snuggle your memories back was surprisingly intense. He fought it for your comfort's sake. Every couple days, you would get a random memory. They were mostly scattered pieces and random things like a picture you drew for a friend or your sixth birthday. There was a point when you remembered going to see your family. You couldn't remember why you were doing that, but you were told it was because you'd been working with the Avengers and hadn’t seen your family in a while. You hadn't had many memories of working with the Avengers at all. Anything having to do with your relationships with them was very fuzzy and distorted. Steve would spend what time he could with you when you were in a central area and he wasn't busy. You both got along pretty well, but it was hard having to start from square one again with you.

        "So are we going to address...you know," you said, breaking the silence between the two of you as you looked through some old pictures of yourself on the iPad Tony had given you, "or are we going to act like it didn't happen?" Steve was caught somewhat off guard by that, but he closed his book and looked up at you. "Well I figured since you don't remember...I-I thought we'd leave it." "Oh come on, you act like it doesn't hurt. It's obvious that it bothers you." You laughed softly and set aside your device. You tucked your legs under yourself as you locked your gaze with Steve's. He didn't respond to what you said. He simply cast his eyes downward, rolling his lips. You tilted your head at him. "I can tell it bothers you because you do that little thing where you run your fingers through your hair and sigh and you rest your hand on the back of your neck," you prompted. He perked up and looked to you. "Wait what?" "I said--" "No, no, you remembered something." "Oh." You shrugged and bit your lip. "I kinda knew that I guess. Your mannerisms are very familiar. It's partly why I sort of make an effort to be around you. You're the most familiar thing I have right now." Steve found himself involuntary smiling. "Really?" You shrugged. "Yeah. That and your voice. I like listening to you speak." He laughed quietly and moved from the chair diagonal to you to the couch cushion next to you, making sure he was at a friendly distance as not to cross any boundaries. "That's not my point though," you reminded. Steve nodded. He exhaled and looked around the room. "Well what is there to talk about?" You looked at the floor and thought. "What happened? The day I lost my memories...I wanna know everything in as much detail as you can give." "Oh, well, um..." He explained the mission and the situation. Your adorable flirting and the quips you threw at each other were some things he remembered with surprisingly vivid detail. You were surprised. He explained the way that you had been cornered and thrown back before you hit your head. He tried to keep the plane ride brief too. "Honestly, I was worried you wouldn't wake up. I--" he trailed off. You waited in suspense. "You...?" Steve shook his head and waved the matter off. "It's nothing. I'm just glad you're alright." He sat back on the couch and folded his hands in his lap. You rested your hand ever so softly on his shoulder, making him look up and meet your eyes. "I'm really sorry." "No, no, don't be." "No, I see how much this hurts you. I honestly wish I remembered what we had. It must have been great. I just...I'm sorry." He shrugged. "Nothing you can do to fix it. It's alright." You leaned in and pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek. You blushed and stood, giving him a little smile before exiting the room. He watched you leave, a feeling of sadness hitting him. There you were, leaving again and you still weren't his. He ran his fingers through his hair and then rested his hand on the back of his neck. He laughed softly when he noticed he actually does that.

         You ran a hand across the shelf in your closet with a sigh. Every now and then you would find something that would make you ask yourself if you actually wore that. You left your closet and looked at the books on your bookshelf. You ran your fingertips over them and looked out at the cars driving by below. The sun was starting to sink behind the New York skyline. You sat on your bed and started staring into space. You felt a sense of regret within, not for anything you had done, but for what you couldn't do. You wanted to remember. You felt as if you had lost a piece of yourself with your memories. You had an amazing life. Hell, you were a superhero! That was your dream as a child with parents working with SHIELD. Not to mention what you must have had with Steve. He seemed like a great guy. You sighed again and lay back. To your dismay, you found that your headboard was closer than you thought, and it collided with the back of your head. You let out a surprised yelp and you sat up quickly. Your hand flew to the back of your head. You felt your head ache, and stars spattered your vision. You swore under your breath and grit your teeth. That hurt a lot. Almost as much as when you hit it the first time, only there's was less snow and you...wait a second. Despite the throbbing headache you had now, you were smiling brightly and your heart jumped with joy. You stood and stumbled a couple steps, then hurried to Steve's room. When you got there, you didn't even knock. you threw the door open and found Steve halfway to where you were. He froze mid step and wore a confused expression. You smiled brightly. "Steve..." you breathed before running to him. You threw your arms around him and kissed him full on the lips with passion. You laughed and smiled into the kiss, placing your hands on either side of his neck. He reluctantly returned your kiss and rested his hands on your waist. You pulled back for a moment, laughing joyously. "I remember!" you exclaimed. Steve's eyes lit up, and he returned your ecstatic laughter. He picked you up and spun you around, and when you were back on your feet, his lips crashed into yours again. You kissed and giggled and laughed and kissed some more. Steve would whisper "I love you" between each kiss, and each kiss grew more passionate.

You both ended up tangled together on the bed, all of your kisses and touches lost within a blur of joy and excitement. You prolonged the kiss as much as you could, but eventually, you had to breathe. You hesitantly pulled away from each other. Steve rested his forehead on yours and wrapped his arms snug around your waist. He kissed your nose. "I love you," Steve murmured again as he buried his face in your shoulder, hugging you tightly. "I love you too," you replied equally as quiet. You still found yourself unable to stop smiling. You pushed yourself back a little so you  could look into his eyes. You couldn't quite tell what emotions were behind them, you just knew there were many. Your brow furrowed a little in confusion. "What?"  "I just love you so much," he said, squeezing you. "You said that already," you teased. He laughed. "I figured it was worth repeating. I missed having you." You smiled and ran your fingertips over his chest. "You're the best," you murmured sleepily. "I'm not so sure about that." "Oh hush. Let me love you." You laughed softly, pressing a kiss to his lips again. The pair of you shared many sleepy kisses and soft laughter as you dozed off.

[was-it-really-worth-it]

Game 105 - Hatoful Boyfriend by Mediatonic, Hato Moa, and The Irregular Corporation

What did I think it was at first? I think I remember playing a version of this game when I was in high school, though this is apparently the HD remaster. I'm extra experienced with weird-ass dating sims now, so I think I'll enjoy it. I seem to remember constantly being murdered by a doctor?

How was the character creator? You can name yourself and develop your stats, but that is about it.

How was the game? For context, I played one route. I romanced Okosan (the weirdest one, somehow) and hit a game over in a second route because the teacher wouldn't get it on with me. I also read a summary of the Hurtful Boyfriend route that reveals the 'true story' of the game.

The main part of the game (and the only part I played) is a slightly-zany version of the traditional dating sim. You are a girl dating pigeons and other kinds of birds. Level up your stats and make lots of good choices to love the pigeon of your dreams. 

It’s really tropey, and there’s a lot of very silly and referential dialogue. My first love interest dropped out of high school to become the god of pudding and I went with him. It was pretty intense.

I went back to try another route and honestly got bored. The text is about 70% the same from route to route, and it’s not always clear when you’re getting to something new. A ‘speed through read dialogue’ option would be nice.

There’s a lot of foreshadowing in this game, and it comes to a head if you play the final route. Which sounds absolutely BATSHIT. I read the damn thing and I don’t understand it. I’m not a die hard pigeon fan in quite that way.

I did play the cute biker gang B story and it was fun!

What did I not love? My main quibble is that the soundtrack is bad. I did not like it and it was not fun to listen to.

I had a hard time keeping the birds' names straight. Some menus use the first name, some use the family name, and it's kind of hard to remember both names for the large cast. I don't have this problem with humans. Maybe it's just a bird thing?

Also I discovered the noses that birds have and I DO NOT LIKE them. They are BAD and SCARY FACE HOLES.

At 1 hour and $1.49, was it really worth it? I got an absolute steal on this game. There are dating sims (even weird dating sims) I will recommend more highly, but it's not half bad! This is also great fodder for a completionist.