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ktjislove1119 · 8 days ago

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‧₊˚🖇️✩ tiktok trends they'd do with you

pairing : p1harmony x seventh! member -> i think its giving way more romantic than platonic but anywho!

rating : fluffy

yoon keeho : disco - surf curse

— wants to do a really cute one with you.

— it’s cute the way he asks you to do it, too. you’re chilling in the studio, working on some things for piwon and he knocks gently on the door and only entering when he hears you “come in” whoever was behind the door.

— he chills with you for a couple of minutes before “stumbling” (he had it saved to his favorites and was just trying to not make it obvious to you that he wanted to do it) across one of the tiktoks and starts cooing over it, without showing you, of course. because then when you just hear him “aww-ing” over a random thing on his phone, it makes you intrigued to watch it.

— then he shows it to you and waits for you to say something about how cute it is, and his smile only widens when you do agree and say that the couple in the vid was cute.

“so let’s do it!” he exclaims excitedly, smacking your arm to get you up.

“right now? kyo, i don’t look good,” you complain, rolling your head onto the headrest, but he’s just shaking his head.

”what are you talking about? you look so, boyfriend material, c’mon, get up!” he eggs you on, pulling on the tip of your hoodie, “you’re even wearing a hoodie and sweats, you look good.”

you roll your eye, not believing him, “no, i want to look good,”

“but i want to do it now,” the whine in his voice is hard to say no to, making you groan and get up out of your comfortable chair. he cheers quietly, hugging you by the waist and then setting up the phone to rest against your monitor, being the perfect distance away from you two to get a good angle and view.

“wait how does it even go,” you murmur, going to grab his phone and rewatch the video. but he stops you and starts simply explaining it, in grand detail. “hold on, is that your first time seeing the video or no?”

“sh, sh, just copy what i do,” he brushees off your assumption with a cheeky grin before demonstrating how to do it properly.

the tiktok took maybe a total of ten minutes to film, only because you two kept breaking out into laughter in the midst of filming it. at the end of the tiktok, before the seconds were up, he grabbed you into a tight hug and almost made you crash into your desk with the strong force. this made you both die of laughter for a couple minutes, watching back the footage and realizing you can clearly see the panic in your eyes as you guys almost fall down.

”that is a really cute trend,” you comment, now walking back to the dorms as he scrolls through the comments of the video that you two had just posted. “what are they saying?”

“they’re saying how handsome you look,” he says, in a matter-of-fact voice, bumping his shoulder with yours. “and also how we are the best duo in p1harmony,”

“well, don’t let intak hear that, or else we won’t hear the end of it,” you warn, opening the door tot he lobby of the dorm building, “he’s probably even made that we did the trend without telling the others about it,”

“probably,” keeho agrees, throwing his arm around your shoulder, “but there’s nothing he can do about it, haha,”

and truth be told, intak was sitting in the living room looking like a kicked puppy with the video playing on repeat from his phone in front of him.

“when i say this is my favorite duo in piwon I MEAN IT!!!”

“the way kyo just straight up tackled him….no ones taking him from u bro chill”

“theyre both giving boyfriends ( i need them BOAF immediately )”

choi taeyang - “wait!! they don’t love you like i love you! wait!!! they don’t love you like i love you!”

— i’m telling you this guy is all for the tiktok trends that are fun and whimsy.

— i imagine you two would be late as fuck on the trend since he doesn’t use tiktok much, but when he did see it when he was scrolling once, he wanted to try it out because he thought it was funny.

— shows it to you and is surprised to find out that it’s an old trend, but that doesn’t deter him since he still wants to do it with you duhh

— unlike keeho, very straight up with telling you that he wants to do it. he thinks its funny and entertaining anyway, plus you two are probably gonna laugh your asses off filming it.

“wait, how do you even move your hips that fast?” he asked, inspecting the video as if he had to study it for an exam.

“there’s a setting, it’s 3 times the speed, so it sounds slow when you film, but it’ll speed up the video…they can’t actually move that fast, taeyang,” he slow blinks at the explanation, pursing his lips and noddnig his head as if he were impressed.

“technology…”

“what?” you burst out laughing, taking the phone from his hand and then setting it up for you two. the timer on, the speed setting being properly set, you made sure that everything would have gone fine.

and it would have! if it weren’t for you two breaking out into laughter after each “wait!!” it was just so funny, the way the sound was slowed down and how you had to time your movement with the sound. it had you guys retaking it like five times before you were satisfied with the product. theo’s face was bright red after the entire ordeal.

your guys hair was messy because you two were doing the dance so aggressively and plus the fact you had to do it five times over. when you finally watched the finished product, he was slapping your arm at how funny the two of you looked. it was fun and theo definitely didn’t regret asking you to do the dance with him because it made you two laugh so hard.

“theo really put his all into this shit LMAFOAO”

“you can see how tired they are…how many takes this did this take [name] and theo be honest”

“not theo almost tipping [name] over with how aggressive his dancing was”

choi jiung - tuberão te amo

— okay wait he would eat this shit up. he thinks the dance is so fun and cool + the fact it looks like you guys are “versing” each other make shim even more eager to try it out with you.

— probably saw seba and fernanda do it and was like wait they’re really funny, but also really good….me and [name] are both really funny and really good, we should do it together :DDD hence him walking into your dorm room late at night with the proposition.

— obviously, you were down because hello it’s funny and the excited look on jiung’s face was just too cute to say no to.

it only takes you two a couple of watches to get the dance down (goated). the first time you guys did the dance, jiung accidentally slapped your face with his palm since he was so enthusiastic and excited about the dance. plus the timing was a little off, thus resulting in you guys taking a break for a couple minutes to make sure your face was okay.

“i am so sorry,” he apologized in between breathy laughs, making you slap his chest.

“you don’t even sound sorry, jiung, shut up,” he laughed once again, that high pitched one that makes him fall to his knees. he held onto you to prevent himself from falling over. “let’s just do it again, oh my god,” you say, letting your face go and hoping that you wouldn’t be red or swell up later.

“i’m sorry, i’ll buy your favorite snacks after this,” he muses, a playful grin still on his face. he grabs the phone, saving the draft that showed him slapping your face, giggling as he did so. while you just smacked him again, telling him to get the next take ready already.

it didn’t take many more tries after that, occasional slip ups, but they were corrected in the next take anyway. by the time you two were finished, you both were passionately singing the song and rewatching your tiktok over and over.

“that dance was actually really fun,” you breathe out, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor, jiung joining you. he sat close, but not on top of you (a habit almost all the other members had). you could feel his body mimicking the dance moves every now and then, making you smile at his behavior. after a couple more rewatches, he showed it to you with a hopeful smile.

“i can post it?”

“of course, ji, it looks really good, plus funny,” you smile, making him nod in agreement and then hit the “share” button the tiktok. he leaned his head against your shoulder, in exhaustion as well as just wanting to share some skinship. in a couple of mere seconds, comments from p1ece were rolling in, which you were both reading and laughing at.

“chocochip dads ATE THIS UPPPP!!!” “don’t him em too hard with that reverse, jiung!!”

“this is acc so hilarious, they’re so into it omg”

hwang intak - idk the name of it so imma just describe it, it’s where usually the girl stands still and her bf walks into frame and just casually picks her up (literally sweeps her off of her feet) and continues walking on until they’re out of frame, carrying her.

— he thinks the trend is so cute and romantic and wants to do it with you so badly.

— even goes as far as making it in the form of a small compilation!! he plans it out, so that each time it’s a new cut, you guys are in a new place. films it during one of your guys’ world tours and thinks of it as also a cute gift to p1ece.

— p1ece get to see you guys in their own cities, as well as your comfortability with each other, and he gets to literally sweeps you off of your feet each time he films…obviously, he’s going to see it as a win-win.

“what should the audio be?” intak thinks out loud, scrolling through the saved audios that were on the account, furrowing his brow, “nothing is cute enough,” he whines, walking over to you and waiting for you assistance.

“we can just leave the audio as it is, or add it in later,” you suggest, leaning into his side and looking at the ones he was scrolling past, “kyo always saves so many to use later and never ends up using them,”

he only sighs in response, finally settling on there being no audio (for now). he sets the time limit to 10 minutes, for some reason, and goes to prop up the phone far away. you were currently in chicago for tour, the view behind you being the easily recognizable architecture of the bridges as well as buildings. you two were near the water, rather than being on the bridges itself, so the view was really pretty.

“so you’re the one coming into frame?” you clarify, standing back and looking at the camera.

“yeah,” he smiles so wide his eyes crinkle, “you ready?”

“if you are,” you say in return.

he sets the timer to 10 seconds, to give you guys enough space to get ready, then steps back. you watch the numbers tick, smiling at the way intak was excitedly waiting. when it began filming, you played the simple role of just standing there and waiting. then when intak finally came into frame, he very easily picked you up with his one arm and continued on walking as if you weighed nothing.

you yelped at the strong arm around you, making him look at you with the most fond smile. then he settled you down, aggressively kissing the top of your head, before walking off to check on the footage.

the same process repeats over for each city you guys stop over, until the video is over a minute long. he doesn’t waste a second before posting it, eager to see what p1ece had to say. he’s giggling in your bed for the rest of the night, even kicking his feet up and down, as he lays beside you and reading the comments.

“it’s giving boyfriends, if i can’t have [name] i guesssss intak can”

“they look so comfortable omg their fits are so cute”

“i love the way it was a different city each time, they’re so cutteeee”

haku shota - the bow trend, wants you to put the bow on him and vice versa

— shota is a fellow bow enthusiast, so when he saw the trend, he really wanted to do it with you.

— thinks its so cute, wants to smother you in bows and of course you let him.

— lets you choose where to put your bows on him, giggling the entire time because of how cute he thinks it is.

“here?” he asks, wide boba eyes looking at you for approval. you nod your head, watching as his fingers carefully took a long strip of the black material and cut it to be the perfect length. he decided to tie the bow over your head, going up from your chin to the top of your head. and he giggled at the sight of you sitting there, as if you were a gift wrapped.

he took the roll of material again and cut some more strips off, deciding each part to tie it around carefully. he settled on three areas, around your neck as if it were a choker, over your head, letting the bow rest on top, and then finally, tying it horizontally around your head, maknig the bow rest right on your nose bridge.

“really? sho, i can’t even see,”

“you don’t need to see,�� he reasons, going to grab the phone and turning the lens into 0.5, “so cute, i love it,” he takes a couple of photos for himself, probably to make his homescreen, before he opens the tiktok app.

he already had the sound recently saved so he didn’t waste time in filming you for a couple of seconds. he didn’t even bother checking if it looked good as he was too excited to also be wrapped in bows by you. he handed you an identical roll of material, but this time it’s color being pink.

so you, still keeping the bows he tied on you in tact, cut your own strips off it and laughed at how fun it was to tie decorate soul. you chose both of his wrists, making small bow-like bracelets, his exposed bicep, and then a matching one over his head, the bow on top of his head. he smiling the whole time, blushing even, and it’s so prominent on his pale features.

you pinch his cheek in a teasing way before focusing on filming him. he poses cutely, showing off all of his bows to the camera, then excitedly jumping up to watch when you are finished. he hugs you from behind, careful to not ruin his bows, and asks to film the ending clip.

you obliged, of course, and turn it into selfie mode and pose with him. he’s smiling at the camera with you, then in the last couple of seconds, just turns his head and attacks you with a series of kisses, pecking your cheek over and over again until the video’s time was up.

“shota, you’re so cute,” you coo, wrapping your arm around his shoulder and taking him into your side.

“you are too,” he murmurs, watching the video with a content look on his face. his idea went through perfectly and he loved the results, plus it let him just give you as much affection as he wanted, so he was happy.

“soul and his bows, i’m glad he’s now spreadin the bow agenda with the other piwon members”

“is no one gonna talk about how cute the placements of their bows are? i wonder if they picked them for each other or for themselves…”

“soulie is always kissing on [name] id want to say im surprised, but im not”

kim jongseob - not really a trend, but he just compiles a whole video of you two taking care of each other which absolutely blows up and goes viral because of how lovey dovey it is, ppl are now convinced you two are dating.

— it’s a myriad of different clips of you just taking care of seob, doing various things that show your care and affection for him.

— he makes sure to include snippets of how he returns the favor to you, but the video is mainly centered around you and your mannerisms.

— you don’t even know he’s gotten all this footage of you being #whipped until he posts it on tiktok

“seobie, you want another blanket?” he’s laying down on the couch, subtly pointing the phone to you as he’s looking up at your concerned face, “it’s so cold here, what the hell? who changed the thermostat? i thought jiung and i told you guys to leave it alone,”

“it wasn’t me,” he weakly defends himself, but you just shake your head.

“it’s never you, because you’re the only good one here,” you say, extra emphasis on the word good so that it reaches the ears of the others in the dorm. you lean down and ruffle his hair slightly, “i’ll be back with more blankets and then we can watch a movie?”

“mhm, sounds good,” you smile at his response, pulling away and going to fetch the blanket as you had promised.

another clip shows the point of view of his phone propped up elsewhere, capturing the both of you on camera in the studio. your seats are pulled close together and you’re gently rubbing up and down his back, focused on the screen in front of you.

“i think it’d sound better if we just move this bit of keeho’s adlib, over to the—” jongseob’s lowkey got you tuned out as he’s so focused on you and your concentrated expression, admiring how hard you are working as well as how good you look while you do. you catch him staring, smiling and then smooshing his face away with your palm. “focus, seobie, i need your feedback on the arrangement already,”

“yes, sorry,” his tone is dull and monotone, trying to mask his slight embarassment. he grabs the mouse from you, suddenly invested in the work you had just done. you fondly look at him, bumping your forehead against his shoulder before refocusing on the task at hand.

there were many clips like that in the video, melting p1ece’s hearts. but the last one was jongseob’s personal favorite. he had fallen asleep in your room, sleeping soundly by your side, which gave you the perfect opportunity to steal his phone. you filmed a 0.5 video of yourself, whispering quielty, “love you jongseobie, rest welll,” at the camera before focusing the phone at him.

you were so touched watching the video, smothering him for a week straight after he had posted it. that was the closest you’d ever see how much jongseob’s eyes adored you, but even then this video wasn’t even half of that amount of love.

“jongseob really does love him wow, this is so sentimental”

“getting fomo on their friendship fr”

→ “ you mean their relationship…this was basc jongseob shouting how much he loves [name]”

“gotta be my favorite piwon x [name] tiktok yet, there r ltr tears in my eyes”

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thedeathdeelers · 5 months ago

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rewatching the radio show scene but through sunjae’s flashback at the end of ep 4…. it’s… oh boy.

how nervous must he have been before it got to his turn — leg shaking, heart beating in his ears, hands sweating, stomach churning

the entire time deciding whether he should go through with it or let it go and just dial another number

but he wanted to check on her — he wanted to hear her voice again, and this was his only excuse-

and so he calls but it rings for forever, and probably ends up assuming she just won’t pick up

except she does pick up— and so he jumps to the mic with a welcome, and though she doesn’t sound enthusiastic, he introduces himself, enunciating every single letter and syllable in his name, making sure she can clearly hear who he is — he doesn’t even mention eclipse, the band he’s in, the one he’s supposed to be marketing rn

it all goes out the window the second he heard her name

like he really used this precious marketing opportunity as an excuse to call her- because any other situation might’ve been too awkward for him? for her? maybe he knew she wouldn’t have wanted to talk to him??

BUT THEN

“hello! my name is.. ryu sunjae”

“so?” his facial expression already starts to shift — it drops a little? his eyes starting to losing that tiny bit of excitement he had when she first picked up

and then

“do you know who i am?” like he’s still hoping — he says it in a way that breaks my heart really cause i feel like he already knew the answer, but he still hoped

“no”

and you can basically hear. his heart. shatter. into a million pieces. eyes looking glassy. frozen to the spot for a moment……

and to add a bit of torment we get to hear him breathe out the saddest “sol-a” in his head right then like. 🥲

and to think for first timeline sunjae this is the last time he has any sort of contact with sol, until he meets her on the bridge after his final concert

he ended that call not knowing if she truly heard him, heard him begging her to stay alive, not knowing if his words had any effect on her….

like uhhHHHH

#this got long i’m so sorry. but like. thoughts #lovely runner

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onceuponastory · 1 year ago

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just a kiss

Plot: Frustrated by Y/N and Bucky's refusal to admit their feelings for one another, Natasha decides to take matters into her own hands. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: None. Just some fluff, and reader and Bucky being shy, flustered idiots who can't admit their feelings for each another. Notes: Recently I rewatched the episode of Vicar of Dibley where she helps Alice and Hugo kiss for the first time, and I love that scene so much, so I just knew I had to write it for reader and Bucky. This is just a sweet, lighthearted, crack fic. I hope you like it!

Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

“Y/N, you’re staring at Bucky again.” Natasha murmurs, not even looking up from her magazine.

“No I’m not!” She stammers, clearly embarrassed.

“Yes, you are.” A reply comes, still buried from the depths of the magazine. “Why won’t you just tell him how you feel already?”

“I can’t.” She sighs. Y/N never meant for this to happen, of course. But then again, nobody ever plans this sort of thing. To fall so deeply, irrevocably in love with her best friend that her heart feels like it’s doing backflips every time he walks by. And she did try to tell him, honestly. Things just got in the way.

Before she could tell him, there’d be a mission sending one of them away, or an impromptu emergency calling her home. And maybe (although she doesn’t want to admit it) part of the reason she hasn’t said anything yet is because she’s too scared of taking the first step. Of laying her feelings on the line and not knowing what she’ll get back. Would she get them right back with a neat little bow on top? Or would they be completely destroyed?

Natasha, though, knows everything. Both about Y/N’s crush on Bucky… and his crush on her, just as big as Y/N's crush. After all, she seems to be the one they both come to when they need someone to rant about their feelings to. And the fact they’ve not said a word to each other about it is driving her crazy.

After all, there’s only so many times you can hear “God, Bucky looks so hot today.” And “How do you think I should tell her?” before you lose it. So, Natasha soon decides that if they’re not going to say anything, she’ll say it for them.

The next morning, she and Y/N are sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee together when Bucky walks into the room, filling his own cup. Already, Natasha can see the apprehension in their eyes. “Showtime.” She smirks. “Bucky, I was just thinking. Doesn’t Y/N look beautiful today?” He looks over, raising a brow.

“She’s just in her pyjamas.” Immediately, his face turns bright red, and his eyes widen. “Not that you don’t always look beautiful, Y/N it’s just-“ as Bucky stammers his way through the sentence, Natasha rolls her eyes.

“This is the guy who was a super powered assassin?”

“Oh, thanks Bucky.” Y/N smiles softly, somehow not noticing how flustered he is around her. Or if she did, she doesn't mention it. “You look really handsome, too.” Natasha grins. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

“You think so?” Bucky gasps softly, and Y/N nods.

“You always look handsome, Bucky.” They both mumble a ‘thanks’ to one another before silence falls again.

“Is there anything you two want to say to each other?” Natasha asks, looking between them both. Yet, neither says anything. They keep staring at each other, each clearly wanting to say something, but unable to. Natasha suppresses a groan. Here it comes. They’re going to bury their feelings all over again. “Oh my god!” she exclaims, massaging her temples. “This is insufferable. You two are insufferable.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky furrows his brow.

“Look.” Natasha huffs. “You.” She gestures to Bucky. “Like her.” Another gesture, this time to Y/N. “And she likes you back. So there’s no need to be so nervous around each other.” For a moment, she expects Y/N or Bucky to be angry at her revelation, to tell her it’s none of her business, and they’d reveal it themselves when the time was right.

Instead, though, the complete opposite happens.

“You… like me?” Y/N gasps. Chuckling, Bucky nods, running a hand through his hair.

“Y/N, I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.” He admits, his cheeks flushing red once more.

“I never knew that.” Y/N gets up, walking over to him. “I’ve loved you for a while too, probably just as long as you loved me. But I was too scared to tell you the truth, because I thought you didn’t like me back… I’m so glad to hear you do.” Bucky grins, chuckling.

“Well….” He trails off.

“Just fucking kiss already!” Natasha groans. Slowly, Bucky moves his head towards Y/N. At first, the kiss is soft and tentative, as if they’re afraid of hurting each other. But as time passes, they release their emotions and the kiss becomes more passionate. As the pair wrap their arms around each other, Natasha watches on, beaming with pride.

A few hours later.

“Hey Nat, Stark wants you to sign this report.” Steve informs her, sticking his head into the room.

“Okay, pass it over.” When the blonde notices Y/N and Bucky in the corner, he furrows his brow.

“Are they…okay?” Natasha glances over at them, still making out. They’d come up for air a few moments ago, before hungrily returning their lips to one another. She smirks.

“Oh yeah, they’re just fine.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Please follow @onceuponastory-library and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes oneshot #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel oneshot

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nerdasaurus1200 · 6 months ago

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It took WAY too long to do this but I’m finally doing an analysis of Hunter regaining control against Belos! Arguably one of his best scenes in the entire show.

I honestly forgot just how chilling Belos’s expression is here as he drains Flapjack’s energy. This is just pure wickedness; in his mind he’s probably killing three birds with one stone (or one hand in this case). He gets to punish Hunter, he gets to finally “erase” Evelyn’s memory, and he gets to fuel himself for the first time in months.

And god, poor Hunter, when starts to regain control he is HORRIFIED by what he’s just done. You can tell this is really a breaking point for Hunter, he loves Flapjack so much that Belos hurting him was enough to get Hunter to fight back. A really interesting thing I just noticed upon rewatching it is how the hands actually reflect both Belos and Hunter. The right hand, Belos, is more monstrous while the left hand is more human. Which is honestly genius cause for a long time right handedness was seen as more holy and pure but in this case it’s a subversion of that. The “demonic” hand is stopping the “holy” hand from causing more harm.

Which makes the following struggle hurt even more cause look

That’s Hunter’s side, the hand he has control over. He’s punching his own body in a desperate attempt to get Belos out of it.

And the look on Hunter’s face. The poor boy is clearly in so much shock trying to reclaim his own body. It’s taking a really heavy toll on him both mentally and physically.

“You know what I’d like Belos?”

But then ooooh, the righteous rage, the conviction and yet the softness as Hunter finally speaks up. The million dollar question that Belos never cared about, but it almost doesn’t matter. Because Hunter is in control now and for once Belos is the one who’s gonna shut up and listen.

And Hunter begins to tell Belos off. Because despite how taxing this must be for him, he still has a mission. He knows he has to get rid of the titan’s blood so Belos won’t win, because for Flapjack’s sake and for his sake and for Caleb’s sake Belos CAN’T win. It’s interesting how Hunter makes a point about mentioning the throne room, it makes me think that most if not all his trauma took place there. Witnessing Belos’s tantrums and even being on the recieving end of them sometimes if that scar is anything to go by.

And as Hunter continues it takes a more simple and rebellious turn. Deep down now all Hunter wants is to just be a normal teenager. He wants to learn the things he’s never been allowed to, he wants to play, he wants to spend time with his friends. There’s no way he doesn’t know how much this pisses Belos off cause it goes against everything he’s been trying to do for Hunter. For each Grimwalker before him Belos has tried so hard to keep them isolated from people and fearful of wild magic, keep them under his thumb. But not Hunter. No, Hunter will be the one to survive. He’ll be the Grimwalker that gets to do all those things and actually live a life of his own.

And this part actually breaks my heart the most as Hunter says his final request and goes for the Titan’s Blood. I think the scar growing on his face is actually fully Belos, trying to either regain control or “punish” Hunter for his “insolence”.

And another thing that’s heartbreaking is Hunter’s selflessness within it. Cause he doesn’t wanna make sure he’s not hurt anymore, it’s deeper than that. He doesn’t want anyone to be hurt by Belos anymore, he’s just encompassing himself into anyone. Cause at the and of the day that’s where Hunter differs from Belos, he genuinely wants to help people for the greater good.

#toh #the owl house #nerd talks #analysis #flapjack #belos #philip wittebane #hunter

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vroomvroomcircuit · 7 months ago

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Drive all Night

(A/N): This is inspired by the song "Call your mom" by Noah Kahan.

Summary: Max is worried about the sudden shift in his best friends behavior. But he is willing to drive all night to get to the root of the problem.

Pairing: Max Verstappen x fem!reader (little childhood friends to lovers on the side with angst/hurt to comfort)

Warnings: Association to Max's shitty childhood, reader has depression/a depressive episode, implicit mentions of suicide, listen to the song and you get the vibe

Wordcount: 2.4k

🏎Masterlist🏎 ________________________

Max Verstappen is not a big worrier. Actually, he is no worrier at all.

When there is something to worry about, he just changes it. If he can’t change it, it’s out of his area of responsibility, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.

Thinking like that helped him focus through great challenges. But his mindset wasn’t the only motivator. Through all his highest highs and lowest lows, his best friend has been right next to him, either cheering him on or being the shoulder to cry on he just needed.

(Y/N) and him befriended each other in kindergarten, having felt this unexplainable pull to each other. Ever since playing with Legos together for the first time they had been inseparable if they could help it.

Of course, as they got older and Max’s career in karting took off and (Y/N) had to focus more on school, they started to shift to calling and texting more than relying on in person talking. But that didn’t stop them staying best friends. One might even argue that through their 24/7 updates to each other, they grew even closer.

Meeting in person in their adulthood had become increasingly easier. Sometime (Y/N) travels with Max to several races back to back, being blessed with a remote working job.

The young man starts to suspect something isn’t going smoothly during one of their daily face time calls with her being in her dark bedroom and him in a hotel room halfway across the world. “But enough of how annoying these marketing things are. What did you do today? Except for work of course.” Max just finished another yapping season about the last challenge the social media teams had him participate in.

(Y/N) just shrugs her shoulders while focusing on a loose thread in her shirt. “Nothing much. I reread pride and prejudice.” Max halts a bit in his rummaging through his suitcase, being on the look out for his charger. “I thought you had plans for lunch with a friend? And didn’t you read through that book last week already? You do know that no matter how often you read it, the ending will stay the same.” He jokes a bit.

While still not shifting her gaze towards the phone screen, (Y/N) answers in mumbles. “I canceled on her. I really felt icky today, but we will try to set up another meet up some time next week or so.”

At first Max doesn’t think of it as much. Everyone feels not like socializing every one in a while. But then something else changes. The frequency of their calls and texts.

“...here we can do- Max? Are you even listening to me?” Max gets caught off guard by that question. GP was going over some points with him before starting FP2. “Oh, uhm, sorry GP. Gimme three seconds, I just want to reply to (Y/N). It seems like she didn’t have a great day and I just want to make sure she’ll be alright until I’m out of the car.”

This makes his race engineer raise his eyebrows. “Oh, what happened?” “I don’t know. But she is rewatching one of her comfort shows for the third time in two weeks.” He blinks at the Dutchman. “And in what way is that concerning?”

Okay, voicing his worrisome thoughts out loud like that makes Max realize that the signs are not too obvious for outsiders. But he is talking about his best friend. The person that always makes sure that he won’t go without his needed amount of sleep. The same person he had been having phone calls that resulted in four out of the last seven nights with him getting not more than 5 hours of sleep, if that at all.

For an outsider it doesn’t seem bad for (Y/N) to reread the same books and rewatch the same shows over and over again. Or having her best friend, the person she became emotionally most dependent on, talk with her through her nights.

But for Max, it raises red flags. It hits his alarm bells, ringing out loud that something is majorly wrong. He can’t put his finger on it, not just yet. He is still looking for a way to get her to tell him what is bothering her.

There is a certain uneasiness to Max during that entire race weekend. He is just itching to seat his ass on a plane on his way back to his (Y/N), a friend that he might harbor more than just platonic feelings for. A person that had his back all the time.

To the person he loves the most, that is also struggling the most right now.

He wants to be able to pay her back for all the times she stuck through his darkest times.

But something in him is scared that he isn’t able to get to her in time. “Didn’t you want to go out with a colleague of yours for drinks last night?” Max asks into the phone while speed walking through the airport. Ever since leaving his hotel room on this fine Monday morning, he has been on a phone call with (Y/N).

A sigh greets his ears. “I wanted to, but I didn’t feel like dressing up or sharing a space with a bunch of strangers. I just ordered some food in and watched your race.”

There is another red flag. (Y/N) maybe was never a big socializer to begin with, but she liked going out every now and then. But for a couple of weeks now the only thing Max gets to hear about plans is that she canceled them.

Listening to her just cutting contact with the outside world like that, it doesn’t only worry him. It’s not even scary. It terrifies him.

The two of them continue talking the whole plane ride until (Y/N) falls asleep. Even then Max doesn’t hang up. He still lets the call continue, not wanting her to wake up and feel alone. She doesn’t deserve to feel alone.

No one does. But especially not her.

When he was in karting, some kids gave him grief for winning most of the time. It was difficult for little Max to understand. So do people not want him to win?

It became more confusing to him since some people around him wanted him to win desperately. It hurt him, not understanding the difference of who wanted his best and who wanted to see him fail.

He felt isolated from his peers, especially those who should understand under what pressure he was, because they must feel the same. Right?

During these days, where he rather stopped driving in circles in a very fast manner and just continued playing football, (Y/N) was his only footing. She talked him out of ending his career in motorsport. She painted a picture of his future in the prettiest colors with her words. She gave him something to look forward during these trying times.

And when it got harder before it got easier, she held his hand and reminded him that she will always stay by his side.

Now it’s Max’s turn to show her that he will always stay by her side.

He opens the door to her apartment slowly, trying to make the least noise possible.

Every room is shrouded in what must feel to her like a never ending darkness. The blinds are drawn in front of every window, hindering the tiniest bit of sunlight to filter through. Even to Max it feels like the despair that is in the air will never stop. It is all consuming.

He tiptoes towards her bedroom. There she lays, illuminated by the low light of his phone screen. Curled up tight under a bunch of blankets and between a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals.

The MV lion, the first one that has ever been produced, the original prototype before giving the go for mass production, is held tightly and close to her chest. It pulls on his heartstrings, seeing the comfort it must have brought her while he was absent.

Max kneels down at the head of the bed, gently shaking her awake. “Schatje, come on. Wake up. We got a day of new adventures just in front of us outside the door.”

It’s something they started to say in elementary school. They once read a book in class with the premise that every day is the start to a new adventure. You just have to welcome it in. Back then, when inviting something unknown in your life was considered exciting, not scary or life changing.

“The adventures can wait a day longer.” She mumbles and turns around, trying to shake his hand on her shoulder off. But Max is having none of it.

“The darkness is fooling you. Every light that has been turned off can be turned on.” He gets up and opens the blinds. Sunlight floods the room, and even at the messiest state the young man has seen his best friend, she still is the most beautiful woman on earth to him

(Y/N) lets out a noise of unpleasantness. “Please Max, I can’t deal with it today.” “No, you will. We are going to deal with it, whatever this it is, together.” He marches over to her dresser and produces a clean set of clothes out of thin air. That is what it looks like to her in this mess at least.

“You are going to shower. After that we will take a drive with no destination.” His words are final and in a tone that makes the young woman drag her limbs and body out of the bed and trudge towards the bathroom, even when the unwillingness is evident by her groaning.

Hearing the shower is Max’s cue to sit down and take a deep breath. He doesn’t know what he expected, but seeing the light of life missing in (Y/N)’s eyes isn’t on that list. It feels like a punch to his gut, witnessing her wither away without knowing from what.

It doesn’t take long and they both sit in the car. A drive without destination is exactly what it says. Just Max driving with (Y/N) sitting in the passenger seat. Usually they used these trips to catch up, to talk about everything and nothing. To voice big philosophical thoughts and dumb brain farts. They started this tradition, that usually includes some sort of fast food, when Max got his drivers license.

But sitting in complete silence for five minutes straight. That is something new.

“You know,” Max breaks it after another seven minutes. “Not talking about it won’t make the problem go away. It also doesn’t hinder it in its existence. Instead it will just get heavier and heavier until you break under the weight.” His dry tone isn’t something she anticipated.

(Y/N) looks out the window, seeing the colorful sunset for the first time in weeks. It’s easy to forget the beauty of the world when your inside thoughts feel like a graveyard. “I don’t want to worry you.”

That admission nearly has the Dutchman emergency breaking in the middle of a street through the fields. “So you play cat and mouse with your feelings because you don’t want to worry me?” (Y/N) nods.

Max lets out a laugh. “So what exactly makes you think that me witnessing you just becoming a shell of who you once were won’t worry me?”

She shrugs. (Y/N) didn’t expect him to catch that something feels wrong in her.

“Schatje. I will always worry about you, You are too important to me to not worry about you. Seeing you wither away in yourself, it made me scared going out on these tracks, sitting down in the car, and wondering if you still breathe while I’m driving another mile. Not knowing what you feel, that worries me more than the truth. Because then we can work on getting you better together. But when you don’t let me in, I can’t help and feel like by just standing and witnessing without intervening that I’m at fault for anything that happens to you. It hurts more seeing you hurting than knowing what you hurt from.”

She turns towards Max, mustering his side profile. She hasn’t thought about how her actions are perceived by her surroundings. (Y/N) just fell into that hole of darkness unexpectedly. While sitting at the bottom of that somber pit, she thought that trying to reach out for help would mean another person gets pulled into it.

If there was one person she doesn’t want sitting next to her in that dark hole, then it is Max. She harbors too much love and affection for him to want him to suffer the same fate as her. So not talking about her darkest thoughts seemed like the best way of keeping him far away from the hole.

But it just drew him in closer.

(Y/N) finally sees what he saw the whole time.

“You know, it’s hard to explain what happened. It takes time to really understand what goes on in me right now.” Max puts a reassuring hand on her leg. “We have all night to talk about it. Help me help you. Let us find a strategy to get you better. May it be medication, meditation, punching me or falling in love with someone. I need you to find a reason to stay with me, physically and mentally.”

She puts a hand over hers and looks Max in the eye for the first time since he arrived. “I already fell in love.”

He doesn’t need to hear more.

Max keeps his promise. He drives through the night, holding (Y/N) to the best of his ability while she cries, curses and explains.

By that not everything is picture perfect again. But it’s the first step. The first one to a future they both want to share with each other. For now and ever, that is enough motivation for (Y/N) to keep going, to continue turning every light on that was off.

#max verstappen image #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen #max verstappen x fem!reader #x reader #x fem!reader #x you #reader insert

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becauseimanicequeen · 6 months ago

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Don't Ask Me for QL Recommendations Because My Taste is BAD

Bad as in TRASHY.

For your own good, don't ask me for recommendations.

I'm writing this because I've gotten some asks lately for QL recommendations and I wanted to spare you the pain.

If you still don't trust me (because to be fair, why would you? I'm just a random weirdo on the internet), let me tell you how bad my taste is so you'll know why I'm doing you a great favor by sparing you the pain.

(I also watch, and rewatch, series/films for ridiculous reasons, yet another reason not to listen to me. I’ll come back to this in a minute.)

Let's start with a brief rewind to a couple of decades ago (because it matters in this context).

The first queer content of any kind I can remember watching was Xena: The Warrior Princess in the late 90s and early 00s (I was a child/pre-teen at the time). It was such a pivotal point for me, which is why I remember it vividly. Not only was Lucy Lawless (the actress playing Xena) the most beautiful human being I had ever seen at that point, Xena was also queer and I loved her.

The series, though? It’s bad.

It’s over-the-top, contains ridiculous humor, face-palm-worthy fight scenes, etc., etc. (But, it was also the 90s, so it was quality television at the time, no matter what anyone else says.) It was so bad that it was ridiculously entertaining. I would watch it today (if I could find it anywhere…). That’s how bad my taste is (or how attached I am to bad shit).

That’s when the groundwork for my bad taste was laid. I blame THANK Xena: The Warrior Princess for it.

Then there was a huge skip until July last year when I found the Asian QL world, because I had no idea it even existed (I’m from Europe, btw).

(My personal story is that I fell into the queer/gay film world before the QL world, and the queer films I could find were made and released very sporadically. But ever since I found the treasure trove of Asian QL series in July 2023, I’ve watched 291 series/films as of right now.)

The reason I fell into the Asian QL world was thanks to a Short on YouTube with the main characters from Roommates of Poongduck 304 kissing. (Want to know what convinced me to watch it? One of them was wearing blue and the other pink, two of my favorite colors. Yep, that’s the reason. Told you it would be ridiculous.)

Since then, I’ve been exploring this rabbit hole and loving every second of all the bad shit that’s out there (there’s some great shit too, and some great things that aren’t shit at all, but they’re not really my taste because my taste is trashy, remember?).

I quickly noticed what my taste was pulling me towards and, in some cases, the trashier it was, the more I liked it.

(I’m talking about fiction here. I’m mature enough to be able to separate fiction from reality. Just because I enjoy watching a series/film that depicts a problematic topic, and sometimes do it in a problematic way, doesn’t mean I condone it in real life. I’m just putting this here as a disclaimer because people on the internet are easily offended nowadays. And I honestly don’t have time to respond to people who are venting their anger after purposefully misinterpreting what I’ve said, unless there’s a very valid reason, which there usually isn’t.)

So, what are some of my favorites that I absolutely do not recommend you watch?

Unless you want to watch trash, then, have at it. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

(Btw, if you like any of these, I apologize for calling your taste bad and trashy. But, if you like any of these, I think you already know your taste is bad. Also, if you like any of these, hey, bestie!)

Let’s start with the less extreme ones so I don’t scare you away from the start. After that, they’re in no particular order.

(With the issues/TW section for each series/film I include possible trigger warnings, taboo topics, what viewers/commenters have brought up as problematic, my possible issues with the writing, etc. I won’t list everything (because some of them would have looong lists) but I’m including some of the major ones.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.

Both couples in this series have their own set of issues. Ai Di and Chen Yi are the “adoptive” brothers who become lovers while Ze Rui and Zong Yi have an age gap (I can’t remember how big of an age gap but I think it was close to 10-ish years).

(Before I move on there’s one thing you should know about me… I was born into a family with a varying degree of age gaps within marriages, from 2 to 23 years. Even though we’ve talked about the bigger age gaps occasionally, it’s never been an issue. I don’t mind age gaps as long as they’re legal. Does that mean I would hook up with someone in their late teens or early twenties? No. I would rather hook up with someone who has a fully developed brain, which science suggests doesn’t happen until somewhere in the mid-to-late-twenties. But it does mean that age gaps (as long as they’re legal) aren’t something I’ll be bothered by or judgemental of.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me is one of my favorite series because:

It’s from Taiwan, and the Taiwanese QLs are generally great at dealing with more difficult and taboo topics.

Ai Di is the feistiest, most colorful, and pettiest bitch and I love him with my entire ice-cold heart.

Chen Yi looks amazing in black.

The neon lights (because I’m a slut for that).

Also, the kissing (from both couples) is great.

You know, I did say that these would be series/films I absolutely do not recommend you watch. But I’ll actually recommend this one. Watch it. It’s great.

Unknown (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.

This is another one I’ll actually recommend you watch because it’s great.

The main couple (Qian and Yuan) are the “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers while the age gap is most prominent between San Pang (Qian’s business partner) and Lili (Qian’s younger sister). There’s also the fact that San Pang is part of their chosen family and has seen Lili grow up and stuff. So, if that bothers you, then don’t watch it.

The biggest reasons I would personally recommend it to those I know aren’t particularly bothered by taboo topics are because:

The yearning is palpable (and I love shit like that).

Qian would move heaven and earth for his family.

The great story.

The even more amazing acting.

Some moments made me bawl (and since I'm an ice queen, I get obsessed with shit that shatters my ice and makes me cry).

I know I said my taste is trashy… but I would actually give myself a gold star for loving this one.

Now, back to the real trash…

Love in the Air (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, rape, MAME, etc.

Everyone and their aunt (or however the saying goes in English) seem to have an issue with MAME (the original creator of LITA and several other trashy BLs) and for good reason. (I would say that she improved a lot with Wedding Plan, which is the least problematic thing I’ve watched from her and it’s the latest series of hers, as of right now.) If she’s grown, remains to be seen. But it doesn’t change the fact that LITA has some issues.

Honestly, I just watch this for the visuals, as in the motorcycles and the neon lights. That’s it. That’s the reason.

I mean, if you look at the whole first sex scene between Sky and Prapai, you get what I mean with the neon lights. It’s divine. (I recently rewatched LITA for this very reason. A waste of time, you say? Not when you’re a slut for neon lights.)

Don’t watch this though! Just enjoy this gif instead…

I just saved you 13-ish hours of your life. You’re welcome.

TharnType and TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, homophobia, domestic violence, MAME, etc.

Don’t watch this. This is bad. As in, really bad. And all the issues are in the main couple’s relationship.

But, since my taste is really bad, I rewatched this recently for horny reasons (it’s Mew, after all, and he’s got me in a chokehold for some reason). It’s still as bad as I remembered it, but I would still rewatch it for Mew’s sake (and because Techno is ridiculous throughout both seasons, which means I love him).

To be fair there are other, a lot spicier, series that I watch more often for horny reasons (yes, some of them are in this post because they’re trashy too), but none of them include Mew. And since I have to get my dose of Mew from time to time, I return to TharnType (especially the second season).

Big Dragon (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, blackmail, etc.

This isn’t that problematic in my opinion, but there is definitely a drug-induced sexcapade that’s taped and used for blackmail for a while. And that's how the series starts.

I recently did a rewatch of this and it was still bad (in a good way) and I loved every second of it.

What I love about this series are:

The visuals. The set designs are beautiful (especially Yai’s home and the bar, before he demolishes it). As a visual artist, this is speaking to my soul.

The chemistry between Yai and Mangkorn.

Pong and Park. Two idiots I love with my whole ice-cold heart.

And the title track because it’s addictive as hell to listen to.

Also, the sex (which my horny ass needs). Let's not forget the sex. Those scenes were also visually stunning, which made me love them even more.

Honestly, I'll kneel and bow down to this shit because it's that great.

Don’t trust my judgment, though, because my taste is trashy.

Only Friends (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Manipulation, stalking, promiscuity, etc.

This series is messy in terms of intrigue (especially from Boston and then Boeing’s part). The ending had some issues. The sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, either. I, on the other hand, would drink a whole pot of this.

Overall, I loved this trash. Mainly because of:

How visually stunning it is.

Sand. He’s a hardworking, good person. He’s also a proud bi!

How they depicted and handled Ray’s addiction and recovery. (I know some watchers were upset that the focus of the series landed on Sand and Ray towards the end while neglecting the other characters, which is a valid point. However, setting that aside, the way they portrayed Ray’s addiction and then his road to recovery in the last couple of episodes was realistic, and I loved it.)

The promiscuity, because I loved it and the mess it created.

Boston being a slutty asshole. The more of a slutty asshole he was, the more I loved him. (I know, it’s a me-problem.)

Boeing coming in and kissing (almost) everyone.

It’s trashy, it’s messy, and I love it!

But, I don’t recommend it to anyone.

My Beautiful Man 1, 2, and 3 Eternal (Japan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, obsession, bullying, lack of (or no real) communication, etc.

I love this series (2 seasons + 1 film), but I honestly don’t see it as particularly problematic. But I know others will disagree with me, so here it is on my list of trashy QLs.

I don’t mind Hira’s obsession because I know Kiyoi is just as whipped for Hira (even though he doesn’t know how to communicate it to Hira at first, especially in a way that Hira understands). Would I be okay with someone’s obsession and stalking in real life? Of course not. But, as I mentioned before, I’m mature enough to separate fiction from reality.

Also, I love miscommunicating characters, especially when the misunderstandings they create bring out all the emotions (angst, hurt, anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc.) and even the flight response. I especially love miscommunicating characters when they learn to communicate throughout the series/film. And this series is especially delicious on the miscommunicating part.

But, it’s also problematic, apparently. So, don’t watch it.

The End of the World With You (Japan)

Issues/TW: Blackmail, biphobia, cheating, etc.

I’ll be honest and say that I’ve only watched this series three times. And that’s because the biphobia is fucking annoying. In this series, the bi character is depicted as a cheater (which is common in QLs, btw). It’s an exasperating stereotype. Cheating has nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with who you are as a person.

(I mean, you can be a proud bi like Payu in LITA or Sand in OF. They have eyes only for one person as soon as they’re pursuing or dating someone. Give me more bi characters like this, please.)

We could discuss how cheating can be used as characterization in certain stories. But not in this one. Here, they’re basically using Ritsu’s bisexuality as the reason he’s cheating (since he’s sleeping with Masumi while having a thing going on with a girl, and then sleeping with a girl when he has a thing with Masumi), which is why it’s bothering me in this series.

If I’m going to tell you why I like this series, however, it’s for 2 reasons:

It’s about getting a second chance, a topic I love.

The sex (laser-focused horny Ritsu is my favorite Ritsu).

Check Out (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Biphobia, cheating, lazy writing, etc.

(It should be mentioned that I’ve read some comments about some issues involving the company behind this series. I haven’t dug deeper into this so I don’t really know if there’s any substance to the comments I’ve read (like official statements from the company or the other people involved, etc.). But I’m putting this out there in case this might be a potential issue for you (even though I’ve already told you that I don’t recommend you watch any of these because they’re all trashy).)

When I first checked this out at the beginning of this year, this series seemed to have created a storm of bad comments and reviews on MDL since it first came out. So, obviously, I needed to watch it because my taste is trashy.

And, you know what? I loved it!

Besides having the bi character depicted as a cheater (again, the use of this biphobic stereotype is so fucking annoying) and the sporadic clunky and stale scenes, I loved this series because:

It’s about second chances. As I mentioned before, I love that topic.

Best (the actor playing Daonuea) is the best in this series. There’s just something about him that grabs my attention every time. He has me in a similarly tight chokehold as Mew.

There’s sex (and my horny ass needs it).

But, it’s also trash, so don’t watch it.

Pit Babe (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Domestic violence, non-consensual, SA, age gap, etc.

This became popular. Really popular. I saw people comment about it everywhere. And usually, when stuff becomes popular, it’s more than likely reduced to trash quality by the general public. So, obviously, I had to watch it.

Did I end up loving it? Yes.

Honestly, the biggest issue this series had for me was the whole omegaverse thing (this was a new thing for me because I don’t come from an erotic fiction background, my head was rather stuck in fantasy fiction). And, from my limited understanding of this, they didn’t seem to fully commit to the omegaverse thing in Pit Babe, which was unfortunate.

The racing was also so-so for me, which hurt my soul because I usually love racing (cars, mcs, boats, etc.).

What I did like, however, was:

The chemistry between Pete and Kenta (and I’m so sad I only got crumbs of this).

Pavel (the actor playing Babe). I would watch and listen to him recite product placement scripts for toothpaste all day long.

The sex, especially the scene with Babe and Charlie in ep. 9 (even though it was mixed with clips from the racing) and Jeff and Alan’s scene in ep. 13 (because it was sensual, if we ignore the music).

The neon lights (have I mentioned that I’m a slut for neon lights?). I mean, just look at this:

I can watch that pinkish light all day long, even though Babe and Charlie are trying to distract me. (Especially Pavel!)

Dead Friend Forever (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Grooming, bullying, suicide & suicide attempts, etc.

Besides the issues listed above, this also suffered from lazy writing at the end. BUT, I fucking loved DFF anyway.

I never expected to love this series because it’s just a bunch of teenagers stuck at a house in the woods. How interesting could that be? Turns out, very.

DFF wasn’t perfect (perfection doesn’t exist anyway), but what I loved about it was:

The morally ambiguous characters.

The revenge plot.

The poetic justice.

The questioning of what was real vs hallucination.

The visually stunning shots.

The mask!

And Tan’s mask!

The beheading scene.

I could go on, but you get the point. I just love this piece of trash.

But, please, don’t watch it. You will suffer from brain rot. Trust me.

I, however, am currently rewatching this because I choose the brain rot. And my taste is trashy, remember? Or, perhaps I just love watching chaos unfold…

HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, tragic ending, etc.

Everyone and their aunt and even their dog have an issue with the ending of this one. And it’s understandable.

I don’t necessarily like or dislike the ending. Obviously, the bury your gays trope is tragic in itself, and, tragically, it’s still being used. That’s why I couldn’t find myself liking the ending, even though I don’t mind tragic endings. (Romeo and Juliet is one of my favorite classics, which people tend to forget is a tragedy and not a romance, btw, but I digress…)

At the same time, though, this series made me cry for a whole episode before tragedy struck because I could feel it. And you have no idea how obsessed I get about shit that makes me cry (since I’m an ice queen).

(Another side note: one of my favorite BLs is Once Again, which made me bawl throughout the whole series. It’s not on this list because it’s neither trashy nor bad, but it’s still one of my favorites because it broke me in the best ways. But, anyway…)

The best part of this series from beginning to end was the other couple, at least for me. This couple is the one with the age gap (which, again, doesn’t bother me) and I fucking love them! One, because Wilson Liu (the actor playing Bo Xiang) is such a gem. Second, because their first time was such a spur-of-the-moment thing fueled by a desire that went from 0-100kph in less time than a Ferrari would. And I loved it (just as much as the squeezing of boobs from behind, which, for some reason, appeals to me).

Also, the twins are so pretty it’s annoying.

Do I recommend it, though? No, because I don’t have time to respond to the clap back I’ll get when you come to the end.

HIStory 4: Close to You (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, obsession, age gap, stepbrothers becoming lovers, etc.

This one has some problems (especially the relationship between Yong Jie and Xing Si), but I love both the series and its problems (yes, I’m trash). You could say that I’m as obsessed with this series as Yong Jie is with Xing Si. Would I get this series drunk and fuck the living daylights out of it? No. But I would watch it once every 3 months or so. Oh, wait… I already do that. Because I’m trash.

What do I love so much about this series (other than what I mentioned above):

It’s from Taiwan.

Li Cheng is ridiculous, which is exactly why I love him.

Every time I rewatch it, it gets funnier.

The chemistry between Li Cheng and Teng Teng is amazing.

As well as the chemistry between Yong Jie and Xing Si.

The kissing is just as amazing.

The main fujoshi girl, Mei Fang, is so cute I can’t handle her.

And the bathroom scene! In that lighting! It’s iconic!

I don’t care what anyone else says. This is fucking gold to me. But, then again, my taste is trash. So, don’t listen to me.

KinnPorsche (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, torture, Stockholm syndrome-ish, etc.

This is some next-level trash, and I fucking love it.

Two of the major relationships in this series (Kinn & Porsche and Vegas & Pete) are problematic at some point. Especially Vegas and Pete who have this whole captor/captive, torture, BDSM-ish type relationship. Of course, I love Vegas and Pete because my taste is super trashy (yes, it’s a me-problem, but I don’t force my taste on other people, so, for the love of all that is holy, don’t watch this!).

Other reasons I love this series and rewatch it from time to time:

It’s visually stunning! The cinematography is amazing. As I mentioned before, I’m a visual artist, so this is a very valid reason for me to watch it again and again. And again.

The neon lights.

The whole mafia thing.

The sex (because my horny ass needs it).

Playboyy (Thailand)

Issues/TW: SA, homophobia, suicide, etc.

I was debating whether or not to add this to my list solely based on the ending. However, up until that point, I really liked it.

The fact that every episode starts with a whole ass list of trigger warnings tells me this is my shit. And it was.

At times, it was so bad that it was good (until the ending, which was just so bad it was bad). The things I liked were:

The mystery.

Win (who played Nuth). His acting was great.

The chemistry between Nuth and Phop.

The tattooed daddy that’s Aob and his chemistry with Puen (there’s also an age gap here, btw, but as I’ve mentioned before, it’s fine by me as long as it’s legal).

The weird ass sex scenes (and the underwear).

And the not so weird ass sex scenes (like the ones between Aob and Puen and the ones between Nuth and Phop).

But, this series is trashy. Keep as far away from it as possible. If you still decide to dip in, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Red Wine in the Dark Night (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Obsession, blood, human blood bags, etc.

This is a queer film that’s BL-ish with some dark themes. Mainly, it’s about how far Wine would go to help the person he’s fallen for (or become attached to).

What I loved about this film was:

Fluke (who plays Wine). He’s such a great actor and I love him in everything he does.

Wine who is so desperate to love someone and be loved that he ends up doing some weird shit.

The darker and sadder vibe, which I love.

Irresistible Love 1 and Irresistible Love 2 (China)

(This is also called Uncontrolled Love.)

Issues/TW: Obsession, homophobia, codependency, adoptive brothers becoming lovers, etc.

This is another queer film (in two parts) that is more BL-ish than the films I’m getting into below.

This depicts a weird relationship dynamic between Xie Yan and Shu Nian where Shu Nian was basically adopted into the family to become Xie Yan’s friend/babysitter/lackey. This is some weird ass shit, and I love weird ass shit so I really enjoyed this rare, uncensored, gem from China.

But, it’s also trashy. So, don’t watch it.

The next couple of films I’ll mention are (obviously) trashy, but also complex and deep (which is why I love them).

One Summer Night (South Korea)

Issues/TW: Obsession, dependency, oppression, etc.

This is a low-budget film from 2016 (so, production-wise, it’s definitely nothing like the usual stuff from South Korea you can watch on Netflix), but I love it.

It’s gritty, it’s raw, it’s explicit (an emphasis on explicit because you’ll see dicks), it deals with being a North Korean defector but ending up in an impoverished situation in South Korea, and it ends with a dubious ending you can interpret in different ways.

This is definitely not for the general QL viewers who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.

And it's trashy. So, don’t watch it.

Dangerous Drugs of Sex (Japan)

Issues/TW: All the trigger warnings! Seriously. I feel like it’s better to say that so you’ll look up the TWs for yourself (if you choose to watch this, which I'm asking you not to) rather than me mentioning a few and forgetting others.

With this film, what others see are all the trigger warnings (and, yes, I see them too, they’re fucking obvious). However, I can see beyond that and watch it for what it is at the core: Two characters dealing with incredible grief.

Grief is a topic that often affects me and I can relate to it because I’ve had to deal with a lot of grief in my relatively short life. Watching a film like this where grief pushes the characters to their very limits will (often) get a special place in my heart, especially if done well. And it’s done very well in this film.

Do I condone the characters’ behaviors? No (especially not Yoden Ryoji’s). But I do understand that grief can send you over the edge (and in some cases throw you off the edge) because I’ve experienced it. I do understand that grief can cause you to make horrible decisions because I’ve done it (though, not this extreme). I do understand that grief can be self-destructive because I’ve been there. This film shows it all. That’s why I love it so much.

Do I recommend you watch this, tough? No. Don’t do it. This is not for everyone. It’s definitely not for those who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.

But it is for me because I love trash. Especially good trash. And this is the best trash I’ve ever seen when it comes to gay films.

Anything by Scud Cheng

Lastly, I want to mention any film by Scud Cheng because…

And I’m an artist so art means everything to me.

Cheng is a screenwriter and director from Hong Kong. His films, the ones I’ve seen, are gritty, nude, and real. They are more on the art side than the others I’ve listed above, which is why they have a special place in my heart.

They’re also deep and explore themes like introspection (are we doing things because we believe they’re the right thing to do, or because external forces have “brainwashed” us to believe they’re the normal thing to do?), the porn industry and how it exploits young and queer men, death, politics, and love, to name a few.

These are not for the average QL watcher. They’re not for the faint of heart. They’re not for those who want an entertaining watch.

These films require multiple viewings. I’ve watched some once, some twice, and some more times, and I still find new themes and meanings woven into the stories. So, they’re complex and deep.

But, don’t watch them because I know you’ll come at me later. So, to spare us both the time and energy it would take to argue about this shit, just don’t watch any of it.

Now, if you still want to ask me for recommendations after all that, don't tell me I didn't warn you!

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perfectlyoongi · 3 months ago

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BEST-FRIEND!JIN who has matching socks with you. Jin liked socks; and if the socks were colorful or had interesting patterns, Jin loved socks. so, as proof of his love for you, Jin would buy matching socks for you and him, innovating in colors and patterns, making it his personal mission to find the most extravagant socks. “guess what! today i found some socks with cows on them! and they are spotted like cows! of course i had to buy it for us. we need these socks.”

BEST-FRIEND!JIN who watched every episode of totally spies with you more than three times. Jin still remembered coming to your house at the end of high school classes and watching two episodes of totally spies before diving into his studies. in a way, that series brought back to Jin memories of the comfort of your couch and your laughter; as such, you and Jin constantly got lost in the series’ episodes, rewatching your favorite episodes more than six times, the remaining episodes being replayed two, three times. “today everything went wrong. i’m so tired... do you mind coming over to the house so we can watch totally spies together? i really need you and this comfort.”

BEST-FRIEND!JIN who always brings you a dandelion when he finds it just so you can make a wish. when the petals had turned to hope, Jin was quick to pluck the dandelion and carry it carefully to you. the elders said that each hope of the dandelion brought with it the power to make a person’s most complicated dreams come true. as such, the first thought that popped into Jin’s mind when he saw a dandelion was how you deserved your dreams to come true. so, with a proud smile and shining eyes, Jin held out the dandelion in front of you and asked you to close your eyes, blow and make a wish. “look, look, look! a dandelion! quick. make a wish. i’m sure the stars will hear you today and bring you the happiness you deserve!”

BEST-FRIEND!JIN who has a polaroid of you on his phone case. the photograph was old and a little out of focus. against a dark background that you couldn’t recognize, Jin took the photo at the right moment when you were going to start laughing. in a fluke of the universe, Jin had found the perfect photograph. you were simply beautiful. it was your natural beauty that shined through in that old photo, the memories of that dinner in the park making Jin smile every time he picked up his phone. you were beautiful and Jin loved you — he would never part with that photo. “until i take a perfect photo of you again, this one won’t leave here. i like you too much to keep you away from me.”

BEST-FRIEND!JIN who sends you a photo of pingu on all your birthdays. you didn’t know why, Jin didn’t know why, but every year, on your birthday, accompanying the heartfelt message that Jin wrote to you, there was always an image of pingu. it was a small tradition that had come about somehow and it seemed strange if Jin didn’t send it to you. so, every year, in contrast to all of Jin’s kind words, you always received a pingu who was too involved in his adventures to notice you. “happy birthday, my little pingu penguin. first of all, i want you to know that my life is only bright because you are in it. if you knew…”

BEST-FRIEND!JIN who plays tic-tac-toe with you in the fogged-up window of the bus. on the coldest winter nights, when you and Jin would snuggle in the comfort of the bus, Jin would always start a game of tic-tac-toe in the window. never winning you, but not losing to you that often, Jin made that bus trip something interesting, even if only mere minutes had passed. “it’s today that i’m going to beat you and that’s a promise. if i win, you’ll have to cook for me today. those are the rules.”

BEST-FRIEND!JIN who says that the answer to the question ‘what is love?’ is you. ever since he met you it was love. sometimes disguised as curiosity, sometimes bordering the line of friendship, what Jin felt for you was always love. so it was only logical for him to answer that age-old question with your name. so many years spent by your side, knowing all your facets and secrets, Jin didn’t see any imperfection in you that wasn’t worthy of being loved. for years, you were the answer to all of Jin’s questions and it was only now that he was able to confess to you. “whenever people ask me what is the meaning of love, my mind always runs to you. to our memories, to your person, to you. and i think it’s not a simple love of friendship that exists in me. i’m sure i love you.”

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 1 year ago

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Hi lovelies, I know I reblogged a post about the S&B news earlier but I just want to put my own words out here real quick.

I’m slightly late writing this because I spent the last 30 minutes or so watching the wonderful wonderful wonderful brekkerbybrekker on Instagram live and it was honestly just a full half hour or me crying whilst I watched her cry. I feel like we all know her but if anyone doesn’t she’s on insta and tiktok and she’s absolutely brilliant so do go give her a follow.

The Grishaverse has been part of my life actually for only 2 years, nearly 2 1/2, and I say only because I feel like I have been part of this world forever. I read Six of Crows in May 2021 and I had finished reading the series by September. I think it was in June that I started watching the TV show, after I’d read the first Shadow and Bone book. So although I read the books first, or in the case of S&B the books that were relevant to the season, I have never existed in this fandom - and definitely not as an active part of it - without the show there. And really the main thing I want to say is please please please don’t let this fandom end because we don’t have the show anymore. I know it existed before me but I also know that we got a lot more traction because of the show, you can see that in the way the popularity of it spiked before the release of season 2, and I don’t want to lose this because I love it here so damn much. It really hurts that we won’t be able to see our beloved, wonderful cast in all the futures we’d hoped for, and I really hope they know just how much we love them. This is a difficult revelation, but we will continue on together because we are a strong and wonderful community joined by such genuine love for such a beautiful series of novels.

Over the next few days I’m planning on reblogging the analyses of season 2 that I posted in March so if you’ve joined me since then (which I think a lot of you have since we’re so close to 1.3k thank you all so much) and haven’t read them then give them a look because I really think there’s so much wonderfulness to celebrate about that show and that’s what we need to keep doing now. I also might end up writing some new analyses of the show since I will almost definitely be rewatching it.

Deep down, I honestly really thought we were gonna make it

I know that not everyone will get why this provoked an emotional response from me and that’s okay, but please don’t be disrespectful of the fact that it did 🖤

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luveline · 4 months ago

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how do u deal with adult loneliness? i’m 22, i live at home but my family’s never been close to do stuff or hang out and work is just not an environment i can be close to people in and all my friends work or live together so i don’t ever get to spend time with them like they do each other so i always feel out of the loop. i come home and just hang out by myself and it’s been making me so sad recently. (i’m so sorry for venting in ur asks but u seem very wise.)

I am so sorry I wrote a massive answer to this and it just didn’t save but most of it wasn’t helpful anyways so let’s do round two of the better points

it’s totally okay to vent if you want, I can’t always answer but I try to when I can cos I know how it feels to really want to tell someone something and feel like you have no one to tell! I am also a very lonely adult, but I used to be even lonelier, and here are the things I do to cope with being lonely and to improve how often I feel lonely

I think we must first poke the relationship between poor self-esteem and loneliness, I hope you love yourself dearly but if you don’t it does tend to make you feel lonelier, so if that’s one of the reasons here is my case as to why you should like yourself more : you said you come home and hang out with yourself and that makes you sad but I actually loved how you phrased it, you’re hanging out with you. Not only are you unique and special and interesting, but you do have the ability to be your own company (though I won’t suggest it’s easy to just suddenly feel content by yourself OR that this will erase the need for connection with others). But I do think that anyone who knows you is experiencing a great privilege and that you should feel that way about yourself, you are amazing, you can do amazing things. my scenario was when you’re with Friend A, you’re not lonely because Friend A is amazing and good company. When Friend A goes home she feels lonely too, but why? Wasn’t she amazing to be around? I think if you can put some weight on the pleasure of being yourself even if that’s like. Even if it’s just that when you’re alone you don’t have to worry about being judged, and you give yourself leniency or something, does that make sense?

My next point is that to cope with loneliness I started writing about wish fulfilment stuff, fics where someone appreciated me, loved me, saw my struggles, and I read those so much. When I first started writing, a thousand words probably took me a week, and I would just constantly reread the things I wrote because they always made me feel less alone, even the process of writing now years later makes me feel less alone. If I couldn’t write I’m sure I’d constantly feel alone because I don’t have many friends either and I don’t see them much!! I feel so out of the loop with everything that I realised I actually can’t deal with social media and the feelings they give me and I deleted them all over again a few weeks ago (besides of course this and one other evil app). It’s actually my big recommendation to everyone ever to get off of social media if you can but I totally understand that it’s not easy and can make it worse rather than better. My point here before is that having a hobby and something to work on and to be with yourself instead of by yourself is a great way to deal.

Other ways I coped with loneliness were jigsaw puzzles (so many), rewatching the same TV shows, movies, reading A LOT, daydreaming, learning how to make friendship bracelets, nature documentaries (especially good to see how huge the world is)

If being alone is upsetting you and you can’t cope, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You’re very important, and the way you feel is important to. You don’t have to suffer through any bad feelings even loneliness which may feel incurable alone. In the UK there are lots of free resources (many terrible) but ones I would actually recommend are the Samaritan email service and the SHOUT crisis text line for stress anxiety and depression. Both are busy services which can make the loneliness more exasperating but they can help when you’re feeling awful. I’m really sorry you’re feeling lonely right now because it’s an awful feeling that genuinely goes to the bone, and I hope you feel less alone soon!! I’m sorry if this has assumed anything wrong about you but just based off of how I experienced my worst loneliness and what I did to feel better I hope my advice can help you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#jade's asks #ily

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jamiesfootball · 2 years ago

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Season two of the Ted Lasso rewatch and I am having some string feelings. Some strong feelers. Some shrimp about Ted and Jamie and how Ted really, really struggles between being Coach Shaped and being Dad Shaped when it comes to Jamie, and how Jamie is horrible at discerning either.

(Buckle up this is gonna be a long one)

Because what we start off with in season one is very much a man who is used to being Coach Shaped. He wants the boys to be inspired and to learn about life and to become the best versions of themselves that they can be. All of which could be very Dad Shaped, but in execution they’re not.

He steps back to let people grow, and sometimes that involves letting bullies be bullies so that the true leaders of the group can step up. Sometimes it’s letting Nate roast the other players- quite cuttingly at that - to get the team motivated. He’s directing the orchestra sure, but he’s not in the pit telling people how better to get along. He’s warm and welcoming, and he tries to foster good rapport and encourage people to talk to him and open up. He, dare I say it, actually has boundaries with people. He asked Rebecca in the first episode how she was holding up with the divorce, and when she seemed upset he noted it, offered a little commiseration, and moved right along without making a fuss.

And then he calls Jamie Tartt into his office to give him a compliment sandwich (“you’re a great athlete now pass the fucking ball and then you’ll be a super great athlete okay thanks”) and I think that’s where Ted’s boundary with Jamie first starts to erode. Because Jamie unintentionally ruins his whole fucking script. Jamie’s disaffected act crumbles at the first compliment. He’s sincerely taken aback by Ted’s praise, a little nervous and a little pleading. He breaks the rules of compliment sandwiching by demurring “well I work really hard”, which forces Ted to agree which is in a way TWO compliments, and when Ted tries to push through with his critique, Jamie ends up critiquing himself first about something completely different (“my left cross”), and then Ted has to wrestle them back to the actual critique, and the whole thing is just. Definitely not the ordeal Ted thought it would be.

So from early on we have these two working at cross purposes - because Ted thinks he’s being Coach Shaped, but the Shape he is doesn’t fit any Coach Jamie has ever had.

“what’s he like?”

“Great”

“…….”

“Well great at football”

“Yeah, I’ve know guys like that.”

And in return, Ted has known ‘guys like that’, competent athletes who are a necessary part of the game, but have such egos (“I’m not sure you realize how mentally healthy that is”) that Ted thinks he has to go to his players girlfriend for insight on how to motivate Jamie in the way that Ted needs for team cohesion.

So this is Ted trying to be Coach Shaped and give this kid a wake up call and this kid is so receptive that Ted barely had to lift a finger. But it doesn’t stick.

Ok. So next he attempts to give Jamie a book that he thinks will wake him up to the reality he’s living. He gave them to everyone. He’s still being Coach Shaped. He makes Roy and Jamie sit at the same table and tries to orchestrate a truce. He kinda gets there, but the next episode they’re still at each other’s throats. Jamie listened to Ted about the one in a million / one in eleven thing, but then Jamie ignored it. So he benched him. He’s Coach Shaped; it wasn’t personal.

Except Ted is not has not been anything Coach Shaped that Jamie could recognize, and football really is his life too. So it was very fucking personal. And here’s the first wrinkle in the narrative both of them have been telling themselves, because what does Jamie do? He fakes an injury and benches himself.

If Ted doesn’t think he should play, or doesn’t think that the way he’s playing is correct, then fine- he’ll make them both miserable. He just won’t fucking play. It’s kid logic at its finest. It’s cutting your nose to spite your face. ‘Well you said I wasn’t doing it right, so I won’t do it at all.’

It’s the same shit Jamie pulls on his dad when he leaves Man City to go be a reality tv star.

And it’s the first crack in the veneer between them, because the way Ted loses his shit at Jamie for it is not very Coach Shaped, but it is very very Dad Shaped. And unfortunately it was the sort of Dad Shaped that Jamie did recognize.

It’s the first loss of control Ted has in general, and it’s circling this player that Ted can’t seem to get a grip on.

And then there’s Jamie going to Keeley, and he’s got Manchester on his mind. It’s the first time we’ve heard him talk about the council estate he grew up in, and Keeley is telling him to stop battling people who want to help him. So he goes to the bonfire. And he talks about the fucking footprint his dad left in his wake. And he talks wistfully about his mom being proud. And this isn’t just about opening up to the team, it’s also about Jamie Tartt not battling Ted. Taking a risk that even if Ted isn’t very Coach Shaped, even if he appears closer to Dad Shaped than Jamie would like, whatever Ted is - Jamie is probably safe to be a little honest.

It’s not very Star Athlete With An Ego of him; but it’s very very Son Shaped.

“I was just starting to get through to him.”

Ted’s anger with Rebecca could be Coach Shaped. It could be. But it sure hurt him enough that it’s the first time he’s actually angry with Rebecca. Meanwhile Jamie was so hurt he had to tell everyone who would listen about it. Had to iterate that it was good riddance on being rid of Ted Lasso, because at least Pep was a proper Coach Shaped Coach. Someone who’d drill Jamie on the technicals. Someone who probably never once cared enough to pull him aside and tell him if he did a good job. Someone who probably assumed that’s what Jamie’s dad was for, showing up after matches.

“Good luck out there, Jamie!”

“Fucking mind games.”

Whatever Jamie already thought of Ted as a coach must’ve been rolling in the pit Jamie tried to bury it in, because Coach Shaped men don’t cheer you on when you’re playing for the other team. Pep wouldn’t do it if he still played for Richmond.

And maybe Coach Lasso does it for everyone he coaches. Probably. But it’s a very Dad Shaped thing. And fuck, Jamie’s actual fucking dad doesn’t cheer for him at all when Jamie isn’t playing for Manchester, so how’s Jamie supposed to know what it means?

Then there’s Ted, who just can’t help himself. Who can’t help but see potential in Jamie. And when he sees Jamie after the match, it’s a quick war on whether he should speak to him because in that instance Coach mode and Dad mode are in alignment.

Except reality hits as hard as a boot against the wall, because Jamie has a dad. And it’s not Ted. It’s not someone who’s come to tell him well done, or that he’s proud of the baby steps Jamie has taken, even though he’s been left to walk them alone. It is the opposite of what a father should be, but it’s taken up the mantle. Father Shaped. A thing of fury. A role fulfilled, not looking for new applicants.

Coach wins in that moment. Ted turns and walks away, and Jamie can finally see now in Ted Lasso the Coach Shape he’s familiar with.

Except even that can’t stick around and be familiar can it? Because while no one was looking, the Dad Shape in Ted scribbled him a little message. Left a note in his absence to let him know he was proud. Sent Beard with an army man, someone to lookout for Jamie and keep him safe. I’d say at this point a Ted Lasso couldn’t’ve drawn a line between Coach Shaped and Dad Shaped - this was a matter of pure human empathy, and decency, and an apology in its own way. I’m sorry for the roles we’ve been given. I’m sorry, but please know I care.

He walked away from Jamie and his dad. He didn’t have any obligation to Jamie. There was no more match to be won. Any involvement of Jamie Tartt in Ted’s life coulda woulda should’ve ended there.

“There’s something out there worse than being sad, and that’s being sad and alone. And ain’t nobody in this room alone.”

The look on Jamie’s face in that scene says it all. Because he is alone, but Ted clearly (desperately) doesn’t want him to be.

But being alone is better than being stuck in a room with James Tartt Sr.

Jamie doesn’t go to Ted first after Lust Conquers All. Why would he (think he had the right to)?

The first thing Jamie does do (after Keeley tells him it’s ok to go to Ted) when he meets Ted again is show him the Ted (Danson) Soldier. Ted may have made the gesture, and Jamie may have understood the meaning of it, but he does Not understand Ted. Not this Coach-but-Not-a-Coach. Still Jamie thinks he has the distinction down - what soft underbelly he thinks he needs to bare for this type of Coach to believe him when asks for a chance to come home.

“You were getting good minutes up at City.”

Ted redirects Jamie here in a very Coach Shaped way. He guides Jamie into admitting the real reason why he quit. He hears Jamie out, makes observations about how Jamie coming back would work from a team perspective, and makes only occasional eye contact. This is Ted clinging to a role that he’s used to, the one that comforts him in its ability to help other people.

(If there is something Dad Shaped in that scene, it’s an awful, haunting one. Not the one that Jamie grew up with, but the one that Ted grew up with. The one who took his son to play darts every Sunday for six years, who probably sat next to him and drank beer the way Ted does)

But Ted never set out to be anyone’s dad. He’s their Coach, and he has a responsibility to everyone on his team. It’s nothing personal; he’s just being a Coach.

They clink glasses. Cheers, and best of luck to your future endeavors.

There is something very tired about the way Jamie puts down his beer without taking a sip. He looks lost. He does not look surprised. (How could you have expectations for something you’ve never known? And how come that doesn’t make him feel any better about it?)

We don’t see Jamie after that.

We see Ted at training, worrying about Dr Sharon watching the team he’s made. He worries that she’s getting closer (metaphor). When Sam storms off the field, Ted is startled but relieved to follow. He doesn’t want self examination. He wants to be Coach. He wants to embrace the parts of coaching he’s always loved- helping other people improve and be better.

Sam tells him that he doesn’t want Jamie back on the team, and there’s a split second of relief from Ted because he made the right call.

Then Sam talks about his father, and how his father is grateful for Ted because with Ted around, he knows his son is safe. Because this has nothing to do with being Coach Shaped. Coach Shaped he may be in Sam’s life, but here’s Sam, who is very Son Shaped himself, and his father agreeing that Coach Lasso serves a greater purpose in Sam’s life than just being a supportive motivator. In their mind, in the absence of a father, Ted Lasso will do just fine. He will keep Sam safer than any little green army man.

That’s the final inexorable blurring of the lines for Ted, where the coach finally drops the ball to pay attention to the scraped knees that have been left behind.

Ted calls the Diamond Dogs meeting. Coach Beard and Coach Nate are very Coach Shaped indeed. What about the teamwork, Ted? “He’s the poop in the punch bowl.” Leslie is for bringing him back, but it’s for football reasons. It makes managerial sense.

But none of it means anything to Ted because at that moment he can not find it in himself to be Coach Shaped.

“I thought it was settled, but Sam went and unsettled it.”

“He reminded me that not everyone is lucky enough to have a good dad.”

“In sports aren’t we always on about second chances? Shouldn’t that apply to people too?”

This is not Coach Shaped. In some ways it’s not even Dad Shaped. But it is caring, and empathy, and wanting an excuse, any excuse, to try again. It is Love Shaped.

Ted Lasso is a coach to his team and a dad to a great little boy down in Kansas, and for Jamie Tartt he can try to fit on a third extra thing. Whatever that thing is called. Neither of them know what that thing is called. They’re too familiar with Coaches and too unfamiliar with Dads to know the difference.

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #good grief this is long #ted lasso rewatch

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dollywheeler · 5 months ago

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October 19th, 1996

Dear diary,

Yesterday was so much fun! I haven’t been able to stop practicing Champagne Supernova all morning long. It’s still such a great song, and it’s even better now that I can play it myself.

It was weird leaving school with Mike yesterday though - first of all, to hang around after last period while everyone else rushed for the door, and then to wait as the school emptied out and Mike gathered his stuff. He had to make a detour past the office, so by the time we were on the parking lot it was basically empty.

I asked where Will was, and Mike explained that Will doesn’t have any classes on Friday afternoon so he went to pick up El from the greyhound terminal in Indianapolis. She is home again for a few weeks after spending the last two in Chicago with Max, Lucas, and Erica.

I was disappointed at first, but Mike assured me he’d be back for dinner. Just as I’d feared, it was awkward to be around Mike while it was just the two of us - I mean the only other time that has happened was when I was having a minor breakdown. It was a lot of awkward silence at first, asking stilted questions about how I was doing, and Mike tapping nervously on the steering wheel. I’d forgotten how twitchy he was, he manages to hide it well enough during class, but he does pace a lot, so that might be his outlet there.

Anyway, once he got back to his house it was a little easier - he got us something to drink and ran upstairs to grab his extra guitar - and then we settled into the sunroom to start practicing.

It was easy then - with the guitars between us like a barrier and having something to focus on that wasn’t each other. There was no expectation of talking about ourselves, no need to fill the awkward silence. The practice I got at at Stevenson’s paid off, as the intro to the song already went much smoother for me than it did Mike - I could even give him tips on shifting his fingers more easily.

By the time Will got back, I kind of regretted the interruption. It had been nice to spend time with Mike - after a while, it felt nothing like I’d feared; he didn’t make me feel small or like a child at all. For once, it felt like we were just friends hanging out. Even the moments where he was being too much of an annoying know-it-all older brother were strangely welcome.

I just don’t get why it couldn’t have been like this all along. Why, when he actually should have been my older brother, he was a million miles away.

I can’t think about it too much - I get too frustrated.

Anyway, Will got back and started on dinner while we continued playing. It was nice of him to cook for us so we could have more time to practice. Mom showed up right on time for dinner, and though tonight was a lot more casual than last time, it was just as nice. It's strange how quickly you can get used to something. Mike and mom mostly talked about Nancy and Jonathan’s latest work trip to Argentina. Apparently Nancy called right before mom was about to leave which is why she was a bit delayed. I think that made it easier for them - not having to focus on each other.

I’m sad I missed the call, so I might try calling her myself later tonight.

Anyway, I won’t get around to completing Song of Myself today as I’d planned, as dad and I are going on a spontaneous trip to the antiquities market in Bedford. I should have just asked Mike to read it to me while I was there yesterday. Hell, maybe I can convince Mike to just give me the cliff notes for Walden because I’m really not looking forward to having to read that next weekend. I already tried reading it once two summers ago, the last time we went to the lake, because it seemed appropriate, and it made me want to carve my eyeballs out from boredom.

I kept waiting for something to happen and all it did was make me want to rewatch Friday the 13th just so I could imagine someone chasing this guy around his cabin with an axe.

Anyway, I’m excited to go out with dad today. He’d just casually mentioned seeing an ad for the market during breakfast - I don’t think he was actually planning on going until I asked if we could go together so I’m glad I did. He doesn’t leave the house often enough these days. And I’ve barely seen him since school started because I’ve been so busy myself.

I heard him and mom arguing last night - though I couldn’t hear much, I’m pretty sure it was about having dinner at Mike’s. I really can’t fault him over it either. It’s just so confusing because Mike and mom talked much easier than last time, but seem to agree on not letting dad join us as well - I really don’t understand.

I know dad and him don't have much in common, but it’s not like they fought all the time either. Hell, dad doesn’t even yell ever - not even when Mike disappeared for hours on end and had mom worried out of her mind for the millionth time. I know I have no experience yet in being an adult but I’m sure having your parents over is just something you have to put up with - even if it’s against your will.

Besides, how can you actually learn to enjoy spending time with your parents when you never give them the chance? Nancy and mom get along better now than they ever did before. And sure, Nancy gets frustrated too sometimes with dad’s opinions, but she still comes over whenever she can and deals with it!

But what do I know, right?

Anyway, I really should be getting ready - dad wanted to leave before 11 and I have to be back in time for cheer practice.

Love, Holly

PS. Also mom called the developer and our homecoming pictures should finally be done sometime next week!!! I’m so excited to see how they turned out!

#holly wheeler #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #the third wheeler #fanfic #ttw #stranger things #st #Happy Birthday McKenna Grace!

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