#so Buck break up with gf first and has a breakdown

[bidisasterevankinard]

Buddie "break up with your gf" poll

Choose who will break up with his gf first and tell me in tags why if you want

You also can put your specs about the reason/s for it

[sibylsleaves]

wait people think 5a had divorce era vibes?? to me that is the pinnacle of their love. its like buck is deeply concerned about eddie's health and also tells eddie to break up with his gf and eddie immediately does. and then buck percieves himself as a bomb in the middle of his home so he literally tries to break up with eddie to diffuse the bomb and eddie is like wtf are you talking about. its us forever baby. and then buck tries to beat up an armed convict to protect their son and then he has to leave eddie alone with said armed convict and then he thinks eddie literally got shot/died again. and then they save a bunch of children together. and then eddie percieves himself as a danger to their son so he breaks up with buck to help chris and then buck does everything in his power to make sure eddie knows he's still waiting for him to come back when eddie thinks he and chris are safe again (but then we're getting into 5b lol)

tbh i kind of learned about 5a divorce era second-hand because i joined the fandom in between 5a and 5b so all i really knew was that everyone thought the vibes between buck and eddie in 5a were "off" but that it was intentional??? i actually do not know what the prevailing thoughts were around their relationship in 5a.

but i am on your side anon. i think 5a is a great buddie era. i think it was honestly just people being frustrated that buck and taylor were being so drawn out, which i can understand because if i had been watching 5a live i probably would have felt a little frustrated too. more or less i think people just didn't really like it as a half-season. but watching it all back-to-back, i really enjoyed it.

this did not carry over into 5b for obvious reasons. i DO remember when we all found out buck was in the room during eddie's breakdown in fear-o-phobia...there was literally a teaser or a still or something that came out and all we could see was a sliver of like, buck's ear but we KNEW. buck is LITERALLY in the room. (i feel like that was my first time seeing the entire fandom collectively lose their shit about something and it was very fun lol)

[daddyissuesducks]

Im not going to tag this on anything but I really do just need to breakdown for myself why I'm not enjoying this show at the point I'm at in it.

So my GF and I have been watching the vampire diaries because it's a show that means a lot to them and I genuinely did really enjoy it. Mostly because I found it genuinely well written and engaging. I liked the characters, I cared about their relationships, but I'm half way through season 4 and honestly these last few episodes have been such a massive downgrade in quality. The plot is so convoluted that I myself, a new viewer, am having to explain why the fuck anything that is happening on screen makes sense to my girlfriend who's a long time fan. And that's not on her. I absolutely understand why it's confusing as fuck because if you miss like 2 line of dialogue or don't remember a random legend told as back ground filler 6 episodes ago it makes literally no sense. I'm surviving on a meta writers instinct of hearing that legend and going "oh that guy's giving villian energy, that's gonna be the plot" and putting the pieces together through a writer's lense of what makes the most sense to write dramatically which isn't how you should be expecting an audience to view your show. It makes me historically very good at predicting twists which you shouldn't want your audience to be. The other plot of the love triangle was really really interesting for the first couple of episodes but since the sire twist has become almost unwatchable. I liked the love triangle this season because it was literally Elana at a transitional stage in her life choosing what kind of person she wanted to be. Each love interest represented a different kind of life she could live and she had to chose that. But now it is the literal opposite. But I can deal with bad plots as long as the characters are interesting and

Elana: has literally had all her agency removed by magic despite her drive and agency being what made her an interesting protagonist in the first place. She bucked the trend of a love triangle hinge in that she was active in her decisions. I felt like I had a really clear idea of her inner thoughts and motivations. But now she has literally had all her agency but her love for a man removed by the plot

Stephan: was interesting at the start of the season. I like when he shows his flaws and his stubborn resistance against letting Elana break his moral system to the point of nearly killing her was interesting. It showed a flaw. He was appealing because he respected her choices as a human but as a vampire, he can't because he is terrified she will end up like him. It's the issue with empathy and empathy one of his major traits as a vampire is going to be heightened and so is it's downsides. He is putting himself in her shoes but not realising that his own bias' effect how he believes she's going to behave. But then it turns out he's right and she should have just been able to do what he said but couldn't because plot, fundamentally less interesting. He is now serving the only purpose of sulking that she dared to sleep with the person she was obviously going to sleep with when they broke up. I get that her sleeping with his brother is bad but like, my guy you knew. You literally said you couldn't be with her because she had feeling for him. And I'm getting less vibes of "I'm mad my ex slept with my brother because it's my brother and feels shitty" and more "I'm mad Elana is having sex with anyone but me even though we broke up" which is very much not how he behaves. Idk, I fell of team Stephan with the bridge incident, the fact they ever dated after that point is honestly insane imo. I get he was a ripper at that point but given how that's a metaphor for addiction, I don't buy it. It is possible absolutely to love an addict and they deserve that love but you have to put boundaries down. If your alcoholic boyfriend threatens to kill you while drunk, makes you fully believe they're going to do it, before saying sorry lol I was never really going to, you fucking leave. Yes the alcohol made them do it but you get out and maybe try and make sure they're getting a different kind of help if you can when you do. I don't mind the plot having her date him again, people are complicated and so are emotions in relationships like that, but it should realise that when he did that he stopped being the good choice.

Daemon: honestly he's still fine but he's not allowed to do anything but pine over the siring and love triangle. He's not carrying enough plot for him to save it

Tyler: honestly bores me a little. I liked him when his plot was just him and Caroline but he leans way way too much on toxic masculity for me to be invested. I do not care about wolf pack power dynamics I'm sorry, I just don't. I don't feel the stakes. I just feel like half my time is spent watching people fight over their egos. Werewolves are an interesting concept but I get so turned off them by pack dynamic plots. It doesn't help that his actor is pretty terrible too

Tyler's wolf girl friend: performance is very flat imho

Ric: I love him but dead

Jenna: love her but dead

Carol: love her but dead

Bonnie's grandma: love her but dead

Anna: love her but dead

Lexi: love her but dead

Rose: love her but dead

Meredith: written out

Everyone on the council but the cop: dead

The sheriff: oink oink

Elijah: my blorbo but absent

Katherine: facinating but absent

Bonnie: relegated to literally just a macguffin. I hate this for her. In the Jenny Nicholson video she mentions this being a big problema ndnfor the first 3 seasons I didn't believe her but she was completely right and I hate it. Bonnie is a deeply interesting character with interesting relationships with the main cast but she's not even close with any of them anymore.

Caroline: I loved her so much but shes just mostly doing the dull love triangle plot and isn't getting to be anything beyond a bitchy best friend sterotype, which was what she started as an initial refution of

Matt: I do not care about him basically at all. Any affection I had for him was killed by him fucking kidnapping Elana and getting her killed.

Jeremy: I don't care as much about him as I do Elana but also a victim of a plot based removal of agency. This is a theme and I hate it

Shane: i just don't find him an engaging villian I'm sorry. I don't understand him enough to.

April: she's ok, I just don't feel like I know her enough beyond dead dad and sweet

Klaus: I do like him. But I like Klaus when he's not supposed to be intimidating me because he can't do it. If Klaus is acting like a charmer or a snot nosed kid ruler having a tantrum he works amazingly. If he is being treated like the big scary unpredictable villian I don't like him anywhere near as much.

Kol: annoying and boring. The worst original by like 10 miles

Rebekah: literally the only reason I'm still watching. She is my baby, she is my darling sweet cheese. She deserves all the love and attention in the world and she can kill, torture, and maim as much as she needs to get it. I'm glad she's undaggered so she can save this show.

[angstysebfan]

What about reader and Bucky being close and hanging out a lot (dinners, chilling, movie nights etc.) and basically everyone, including reader, thinks that they're dating. Just taking it slow.

One night when reader and Bucky are out for dinner again, a woman comes over to their table. Bucky and her kiss and he introduces her as his gf. He wanted to introduce her to everyone tomorrow but he doesn't mind if his best friend knows first.

Reader leaves without a word and when bucky comes home to the compound, he can't find her and tells the others what happened. While he doesn't know what's going on, everyone looks at him flabbergasted like "what?! we thought you were dating y/n!"

Maybe he likes her too but never thought she would see more in him?

Sorry if that was a bit long. 🙈

Just found your blog and love your writing. Gonna read, like and comment over the weekend when I have more time!! ❤️🐧

Oh boy... this is awesome! I hope I do it the justice it deserves!!!

--

Are We Dating?

You and Bucky walk with your arms linked toward the restaurant. The smile on your face is big and wide because you love how romantic Bucky is. You both have been dating for a few weeks, and he is constantly taking you out on dates. It’s been very low key, which exactly what you were looking for in a relationship. He has been the perfect gentleman, hasn’t even kissed you yet, but you are hoping that happens tonight.

You remember the first time he asked you out. He looked so confident and cute, it made your heart soar! He took you to the lookout at Pier 17, which gave you a beautiful view of the Brooklyn Bridge. Afterwards, you both walked along the water front holding hands and talking about everything. When you both got back to the compound, he walked to your door, kissed your cheek and bid you goodnight. Since then you have gone out a few times a week, and your heart is falling more and more for this man.

As you get to the restaurant, Bucky brings you to a table toward the back. You start looking at the menu and look up and notice that Bucky was looking at the door. “Everything ok, Buck?” you ask.

He looks at you with his stunning blue eyes and gives you a warm smile, “You bet, Doll,” he says warmly.

Doll, the nickname that he only calls you, and it makes you swoon every single time. The butterflies start to flutter as you force yourself to look back down at the menu and not at your handsome boyfriend. Though you have to admit it’s extremely hard.

After you decide what you want you look up and and see that he is looking past you tot he door again. You are about to ask him again what he was looking at when you see him smile wide. You turn and see a beautiful woman walking toward your table with a large beautiful smile. Your stomach drops slightly, but you think maybe it’s a misunderstanding.

“Bucky,” the woman says as Bucky stands up.

“Hey Dollface,” Bucky says wrapping his his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. When their lips met your heart physically shattered. The breath left your lungs and tears immediately came to your eyes. The couple pulled away from each other with smiles, not realizing you are having a breakdown in front of them.

Bucky turns and looks at you and furrows his brows, “Y/N? Are you alright?” he asks concerned.

You grab your coat and quickly got up, running away from them and out of the restaurant. you hear Bucky calling you, but you ignore him and keep running. Once you leave the restaurant you decide not to go back to the compound, because you are just too embarrassed to face the team. You run the other way and don’t stop until you physically couldn’t run anymore.

--

Bucky’s POV

The elevator opens and Bucky rushes out and into the common room, where the team was sitting talking. “Has anyone seen Y/N?” he asks panicked.

They all shake their head, clearly confused. “Weren’t you on a date with her?” Sam asks.

Bucky, who was walking toward your room, stopped dead in his tracks. “Date? It wasn’t a date. We were having dinner. I actually wanted to introduce her to my girlfriend, but she ran out and she isn’t answering her phone.” Bucky looks down at his feet, “She thought it was a date?” he asked quietly.

“Bucky she thought you were dating! Hell we all thought you both were dating! You have taken her out multiple times, going on long romantic walks, holds her hand, call her Doll. What is she supposed to think?” Nat asked annoyed.

Bucky paled. Did you really think you were dating? How could he be so stupid as to not notice? He never in a million years thought that you would date him. He is not good enough for you! Bucky looks at the team, who all look pissed off at him.

“I-- I’m the biggest fucking idiot in the world,” Bucky says, running a hand through his hair. 

The team nodded in agreement. “Well how can I make this better?” he asks.

“I honestly don’t know if you can. You are still with your girlfriend, and I’m sure you’re not planning on dumping her, right?” Nat said, taking out her phone and typing.

“I-- I don’t know. I mean I like Liz. She is sweet, and funny, and caring. She likes me in spite of what I was. I would hate to just dump her, but--” Bucky stops thinking about how upset you must be right now. 

How the hell has he fucked up so badly? He has been obsessed with you for months! He thought you were just being friendly, and he was willing to push his feelings aside just to be with you as a friend. But now to find out that you have feelings for him and thought you were dating? 

“But I’ve been in love with Y/N for months. I mean I don’t want to hurt Liz, but Y/N is the one I want. The one I’ve always wanted,” Bucky says. “Shit, I gotta find her!” he begs.

“I know where she is. Come on, I’ll drive,” Natasha says walking toward the elevator, Bucky following behind.

--

Nat pulls up to a deserted park, “She is down by the lake. She doesn’t know you are coming, so good luck,” she says. 

Bucky takes a deep breath. He already broke 2 hearts tonight, can he manage to save 1 and his own? When he got in the car with Nat, he immediately called Liz and explained everything. Luckily she was a good sport, but he could tell she was heartbroken. It just made him feel like more of an asshole, but right now his priority is you.

He gets out of the car and silently walks toward the lake. He sees you sitting in the dark, on a bench, staring at the water. He knows you haven’t heard him yet, so he steps on a small branch to make noise. When you do, you turn and look at him, heartbreak evident in your features.

“What do you want?” you ask venomously, turning your head back toward the lake.

“To beg your forgiveness,” Bucky says, as he slowly walks closer.

You scoff in response, “Go back to your girlfriend. I have nothing to say to you,” you say.

“Doll, please,” Bucky begs, and that seems to allow the anger flow freely out of you.

“DON’T call me Doll! You lead me on! You made me feel that you had feelings for me! You had to have known that I liked you! I thought.. I thought..” you start hyperventilating.

Bucky rushes over trying to help, but you push him away, “No! I don’t want your help! I want nothing from you! You fucking asshole!” you scream while still wheezing.

“Y/N, stop! Let me help you!” Bucky begs grabbing your arms. 

You feel like you are about to pass out and stop fighting him. You look at him and see him taking deep breaths. You try your best to match his and eventually the tightness in your chest releases. You immediately pull your arms away from him once you feel better.

Bucky sighs, “Y/N, I cannot apologize enough for everything. I-I didn’t know you felt that way about me! I thought you just wanted to be friends! I mean I am not nearly good enough for you!” Bucky says.

You refuse to acknowledge him, so he continues, hoping to get through to you, “But I like you too. I know it’s hard to believe because of what happened tonight, but I swear I thought you only liked me as a friend. The only way to get over you is to date someone else. I wanted to introduce you tonight, but then everything happened.” Bucky stops to take a breath.

“I fucked up, so badly. I know there is a slim chance that you will forgive me, but I promise on everything that I own, everything that I am, that I have feelings for you too. And I am so sorry,” he says.

You stand up and start to walk away but stop and look at Bucky, “I saw the way you looked at her. You never looked at me that way. So go and be with her,” you say as you start to walk away.

Bucky grabs your arm to stop you, “Y/N, you are the one I want. I broke up with Liz the minute I found out you liked me back. I mean I know I have a lot to make up for, but... can you give me a chance to make it up to you?” he asks.

You turn and look at him, “I have to think about Bucky,” you say, pulling your arm away. 

Bucky deflated completely dejected as you started to walk away. He stood there and watched you disappear over the hill toward Nat’s car. He just wants to cry that he could have had everything he wanted, but instead he ruined it. Why is he so stupid?

He continues to look out at the lake and until he hears pounding footsteps. He turns and sees you running back toward him. You jump when you get close enough and he catches you in his arms. You grab him by the back of the neck and pull him into your lips. Bucky immediately responds, pulling your body closer as you wrap your legs around his waist.

He angles his head to deepen the kiss and you allow his tongue entrance. You both hold on to each other like a life raft, not daring to let go and break this spell. But eventually oxygen becomes a priority and you both pull away, gasping for breath. Bucky leans his forehead against yours, with his eyes closed, scared to open them and see that it’s a lie.

You force him to look up into your eyes, “So there is no confusion, that was not a kiss of friendship. I want to date you, and be with you in every way possible. I’m falling so hard for you Buck, and when I saw you with her, I thought I was so stupid,” you said, letting your legs touch the ground.

“But if you are willing to go slow and build this relationship, and communicate with me so that there is no more confusion, then I’m 100% in,” you say.

Bucky smiles and kisses you again, “I’m yours Doll. In every sense, I’m falling for you too and I don’t want to be with anyone else,” he says. 

You grab his hand and you both walk back to Nat’s car. You both started slow, but have a loving relationship. But you never give up an opportunity to tell people the story of how you both got together. It’s a real crowd pleaser at parties, and Bucky turning bright red makes it even more enjoyable.

--

There you go! Hope you liked it!

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[wheres-sam]

I binge-watched the spn anime because of the brain rot

It’s bad except for the parts that are good, and it’s pretty to look at. Here’s a comprehensive list of pros and cons. Spoilers ahead!

Pros:

- more psychic kid backstories: Max (Nightmare), Lily (Darkness Calling), Jake (Loser)

- more psychic Sam

- more Azazel

- basically if you want more about the psychic/demon kids, watch the anime

- more young Winchesters

- the monsters, the superhuman abilities, the fight scenes, it all looks really cool animated. (But PSA it’s violent. It doesn’t shy away from blood and gore.)

- Sam and Jessica backstory

- more of the brothers being cute and funny together

- Missouri isn’t forgotten

- includes some Japanese legends/mythology

- the impala looks great in every scene. They did Baby good

- the “Supernatural” intro title

- the outro sketches of the boys hanging out with Baby

- Episodes adapted from the original show are different, but I like some of the changes? It’d be boring if it was an exact retelling and the visual medium wasn’t utilized. (I know I said spoilers before, but this is when they get detailed. If you wanna skip over, I’ll tell you where they STOP.)

Nightmare goes more into the abuse Max has suffered. Instead of locking Sam in a closet, Max sends Sam through the floor and covers the hole by breaking his bed in half, and it’s extremely sexy how Sam shoves the 2 halves apart with his mind. Later on Dean puts bandaids on Sam and they talk about demons loudly in front of a fast food intercom.

In My Time of Dying highlights the guilt Sam feels over Dean. In both the og and the anime John verbally blames Sam for not shooting Azazel, but where in the og Sam goes right on arguing, in the anime he reels back for a moment like he was slapped. Dean’s spirit touches Sam’s shoulder, and Sam knows immediately that it’s Dean. He doesn’t even question it. Instead of “Are you here?” it’s “I know you’re with me. I can feel it.” And I love that. Dean figures out right away he’s dealing with a reaper, and the reaper takes on the appearance of Mary to convince Dean to move on to the afterlife. Instead of a Ouija board, Sam uses a laptop to talk to Dean, and the first word Dean types is “Sammy!” Dean is so fond of his little brother and Sam is so baby.

Rising Son is an anime only episode, but it draws inspiration from John’s journal. Dean has a proper breakdown over his dad’s death and the possibility of having to kill Sam. Ms. Lyle, Sam’s favorite teacher who turns out to be possessed, is explored. John takes Dean hunting, and in the journal Dean hesitates to shoot a buck, and little Sam shoots it thinking it was endangering Dean. In the anime, Dean’s cornered by a moose and Sam makes it explode with his mind and it’s so !!! How little Sam’s first words are, “I’m glad you’re okay. It didn’t hurt you?” The boys are covered in blood and guts and Dean’s like 👁👄👁 “Why are you here? Did you do this?” And then Sam starts freaking out a little, the shock sets in. “I don’t know. I don’t know, honest.” And he’s staring at his hands, and I am a big fan of Sam showing superhuman signs as a kid. Like in the journal, Ms. Lyle tries to take Sam. She gives Sam the illusion of a choice to come with her or stay with Dean, and Sam chooses Dean. This ep is pretty much when John figures out Sam has demon blood. He kills another hunter that wants to kill Sam.

Crossroad is based on Crossroad Blues, and I love how the crossroads demon shows up. It’s hard to describe, but it’s so neat, like she’s walking underneath Dean in this mirror world, and then the mirror world takes over the regular world, so you really get this sense of otherworldly seclusion, existing outside of time.

What Is and Should Never Be shows Dean is a firefighter in his ‘Mary never died’ world, and Sam got to play soccer growing up like he wanted. The brothers hold each other after Dean is saved from the Djinn.

AHBL part 1. When Azazel shows Sam that he fed Sam his blood, Sam gags and slaps a hand over his mouth, and I like that reaction more than the live action. The psychic kids get to go more anime with their powers, and that’s a lot of fun. They don’t need weapons. Ava slams Sam into the brick side of a building and cuts him without touching him. Jake snaps Ava’s neck with one hand and then catches Sam in his arms. When Jake attacks Sam, there’s no gun or knife. He’s relying on his super strength, his fists. Sam throws his arms up to protect himself, and (accidentally?) pushes Jake back with his mind, and the collision creates a crater in the ground. Jake puts his fist through Sam’s chest to kill him. It’s brutal and it’s rad as fuck. These kids are terrifyingly powerful.

The Sam and Dean reunion before Sam is killed is not as emotional as the live action imo, but what the anime does intrigues me. Hurts in a different way. Because Sam is stunned after he uses telekinesis again, on Jake, and when he hears Dean behind him Sam freezes. He doesn’t look relieved to see Dean, but wary and weary. It’s Dean taking steps towards him, not the other way around, and it has to be because Sam doesn’t know if Dean saw him push Jake back. Sam doesn’t know how Dean’s going to respond to all this, to him, having powers that come from a demon, the demon, Azazel. Sam hasn’t had a chance to process anything. He’s scared. He’s tired. And the way the anime focuses on Sam’s eyes here. Gah. “Dean. Dean, I’m...” I’m sorry. I’m all right. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m a monster. There’s also this one shot between Sam and Azazel that sends me because of how anime it is.

AHBL part 2. I love how Sam brought back to life is animated, with all the color returning to his face and a light wind rustling his hair and his lips parting to indicate his soul returning to his body. Jake attacks Dean, and, a lot like how Sam activates telekinesis to save Dean from Max in Nightmare, Sam gets a burst of superhuman strength. He rips Jake’s arm off and tackles him to the ground and beats him to death, punches holes into his body, and it’s so savage and bloody and scary, and I love it. The Devil’s Gate opening looks so cool animated. Same goes for Dean shooting Azazel with the Colt.

Not to turn this into a meta post, but I also noticed how the last couple times Sam uses his powers they’re colored green-yellow, the same colors as Mary’s ghost when she reveals herself in the anime’s Home, and I don’t know if that’s intentional, but it’s neat how it draws a connection to Sam’s biological family instead of Azazel’s blood.

The Spirit of Vegas is like Bad Day at Black Rock, but Dean has all the bad luck instead, and it shows off the silly cartoony physics that make animation fun. The boys sleep outside and split a chunk of bread for dinner. Also this lil bit of Dean’s hair tied in a bow.

- (STOP) the brothers are pretty. I am not immune to animated Sam and Dean Winchester.

Cons:

- Jensen doesn’t voice Dean until the last 2 episodes

- The English dialogue is really bad sometimes. I wish I could’ve watched the sub, but I couldn’t figure out how to change the language

- Some character designs are really different from the live action, and maybe that’s petty, but if you’re gonna change the characters diversify them? Don’t just make them unrecognizable white people

- Missouri’s design as a stereotypical witch doctor is racist

- Gordon is replaced by some British guy named Jason?? Why

- There’s an LGBT character who is not accepted by her family and, while that bigotry is always shown to be negative and she dies the hero of the episode, she still dies ://

- In the English dub Lily’s gf is made into her roommate instead. Idk about the sub

- Bobby’s pretty much a totally different character

- Sam and Dean are OOC sometimes

- Dean’s hair usually looks darker than Sam’s and it drives me crazy

- The storytelling is, overall, not nearly as good as the live action

- The non-Japanese lore in some episodes makes no sense. Sometimes it’s just plain ridiculous?? Like there’s a giant robot made of cars and scrap metal controlled by a demon? ? I wish I was making this up

- Meg’s role is severely reduced

- No Harvelles or Roadhouse

- Shadows are overused, but maybe that’s because the og show is so dark?

- I don’t mind the art style. I like the aesthetic, but I wish it was a little more expressive. It doesn’t do Sam’s puppy eyes justice.

- AZAZEL’S SHADOW?? PROPORTIONS?? PEA SIZED HEAD

- Idk why they mashed season 1 and 2 together? The story feels rushed

- there’s not as much chemistry between Sam and Dean, but that’s a given without J2 on screen

- Nobody tells you!! That there’s scenes after the credits!! And some of them are important! Why are important scenes after the credits??

The anime would not be good on its own, without the heart and depth the live action brings, but it works as supplementary material you can cherry pick from. I would watch more if there were more episodes.

It hasn’t turned me off from wanting an spn anime. I’d like to see it continued or redone, with updated animation and better scripts. There’s a lot of potential in exploring more about the psychic kids and Sam’s powers, storylines that were cut short in the og show. Animation is a great medium for showing off the supernatural, getting creative and creepier with the designs, dramatic with the fight scenes, without having to worry about bad CGI. I don’t want a live action reboot, but I think a redone animated series could be a lot of fun! (As long as it’s not an excuse to make any romantic ships take over. SPN is a platonic love story, and I like it that way.)

If you made it to the end here and are interested in watching the spn anime, you can watch it for free on the CW Seed app! You can probably stream it elsewhere, but idk where!

[thebigcitynightsband]

Bus King/Busking/Night Moves

That’s a photo of me and my ex-gf. I just found it last week in my bag that Jamie brought to me from Burlington, thanks Jamie bro. Happier times, man. We’re still friends but we don’t see each other much. That’s a repeating pattern with me. Me and a gal will break up, declare an intention to stay friends, and then I be their friend while they work hard at vanishing from my life and into the arms of some dude who hates me cuz I’m still her friend. Happened with Jessica, happened with Courtney. Next time I’ll just do the sudden severance. Seems to work for other people.

Well, fuck. I’ve been struggling a little bit lately. Still sober, still pissing in a cup every day. My hours got cut at work for a few weeks but they’re back up to full-time next week, where they’ll remain until mid-December. I’m trying to save my apartment, need to find a roommate to take over the lease, which requires first and last, which I don’t have but I’m trying to acquire somehow.

A few days ago I went busking for the first time in about a year. Queen and University is my corner, northwest side. I like it there because you get a lot of 905ers coming out of Osgoode Station to go explore Queen West, people who don’t ordinarily see buskers, so they’re generous. I can only play for about three hours on an acoustic before my fingers start to hurt too much to play chords, and you average about six bucks an hour. I write a lot of songs that way. “Make It Mine” off the new album was written while busking last year and I came up with a few new ones the other day. It was a good day, actually. I woke up broke and without food and ended the day with a full belly and a pack of cigarettes and an Arizona Iced Tea. I felt content. So I’m gonna go back out there tomorrow. And probably the next day too.

My laptop died and I almost lost the record, but I was able to extract the files after a few days of feeling numb and worried. I really like our upcoming album, the songs have kept me good company over the past year, and the thought of losing the whole damn thing, save for “Fighting Ways” which is finished, and a handful of others, was a little scary. It’s not gone though. Sweet relief. BCN songs are like cockroaches. They find a way. Cue “Long Distance King” in your head as you read that last line...”we’ll find a waaaaay, we’ll fiiind a waaaaay.” Glory days. Before everything went to shit.

Hey, know what’s a great record? Break Up Break Down by Reigning Sound. Listen to the quavering, breathless delivery from Greg Cartwright on this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fWcZKZR3jg

Another great one off that record is called “Want You,” a really sad, pretty ballad. I’d like to make an album of Memphis ballads some day, in the vein of Break Up Break Down. We’ll call it Fuck Up Fuck Off or something.

I set up my keyboard tonight with a mind to do some overdubs tomorrow. I’ve been avoiding doing keyboard overdubs on the album forever because I’m a terrible keyboard player and it takes a really long time to get a single coherent take and I don’t have the patience that I used to. I finished “Night Needles” from A Steamroller Named Desire in a single evening, and that song has probably the most piano of any BCN song. I doubt I could do the same thing now. I’m older now and runnin against the wind, as Bob Seger would sing. Has sung, whatever. Running Against the Wind. I love that song. “Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then” is a great line eh? Legend has it Seger wanted to cut that line but the producer told him how great it was, which it is. Oftentimes artists can’t recognize their own greatness. Years ago, when I was sixteen or so, I was trying to put together a set of acoustic covers in my bedroom. I remember doing “Leave It Alone” by Moist, which is pretty embarrassing now, but also “Against the Wind” and an acoustic version of the Smashing Pumpkin’s “Ava Adore,” which I was surprised to find has a very similar chord progression as “Against the Wind.” I mean, those two songs sound nothing alike, yet they’re very alike, chord-wise.

ANYWAY I’m rambling. Just finished an assignment for a client (I do people’s homework for them as a side hustle. Forty bucks here, sixty bucks there, it all goes into the giant hole I dug for myself the past few years.) I owe money to one guy who actually chased me this past January, up near Dovercourt and Hallam. I had to jump a couple fences but I got away. He’ll get paid soon enough. They all do.

I’m working on it man. Pushing against the tide. Runnin against the wind.

One last thing about that Bob Seger song: I’ve always thought that part where he yells “let the cowboys ride!” at the end of the song was stupid. Why couldn’t he have taken that part out? It’s so obvious that he was out of ideas and just mustered up the best open field imagery he could in the moment. Let the cowboys ride? Given the greatness that comes before that line, I can’t dismiss the song, even if it’s not as good as the immortal “Night Moves.”

A quick word about “Night Moves” before I go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mRFWQoXq4c I honestly think it’s one of the greatest all-time vocal performances. There are three distinct parts in the song that always give me shivers. The first is that irresistible “summertime summertime” part @ 2:19. The second comes in that great breakdown, when the title changes from a sexual innuendo to a somber, forlorn musing on the passage of time and how time can move slower when you’re bored, faster when you’re absorbed and excited. Ain’t it funny how the night moves...when you just don’t seem to haaaaaaaave as much to lo-o-se. It’s that “have” that always gets me...just the way Seger gives it the perfect amount of witsfulness and gravelly gravity. Fuckin killer. Singing is always a fine balance between technical proficiency and emotional delivery, but on that line Seger’s 99% heart, 1% technique, and it still sounds incredible. To me, at least.

The last part is in the final minor descending refrain @ 5:04, even though it’s just Bob doing a bunch of “ooooohooohoohhhs.” It wouldn’t be as good if that vocal came over the main riff, but it doesn’t. It comes over the same chord progression as the chorus, that sad lilting minor key descent. Every time, man. Every time.

I’ve been trying to cover “Night Moves” since 2007. I don’t think I’ve ever got past the first chorus. I just can’t sell it. Those aren’t my memories, they’re Bob Seger’s. I never existed in the 1950s America he’s singing about in the song, the America of taking your sweetheart to the drive-in, cruising the strip, going to diners and pushing coins into jukeboxes. That wasn’t my adolescence. So it’s a tough one to sing. You have to know when you’re beaten. That’s part of growing up.

I don’t talk to my Dad anymore. He hates my guts and so does his girlfriend. It doesn’t bother me except for when I hear certain songs...songs like “Night Moves” or “Walking On The Moon” by The Police...first time I ever heard my father sing on the way to Owen Sound for a hockey tournament I was playing...it was the chorus, that “no way, chasing your cares away” part, and we had sunflower seeds and that was the night I fell in love with highways and movement and travel and all that Kerouac stuff I’d get obsessed with later, all those fuckin notebooks I filled with eager scrawling about road trips I hadn’t yet taken. I lost all those notebooks somehow, can’t remember maybe I tossed them all on purpose, kind of a year zero event. Too much in those notebooks was lines from existing songs. I remember one time going through an old notebook and seeing “the sea is foaming like a bottle of beer” and thinking I’d written it...nope...it was a Weezer song. I’d just scrawled out that one line hammered one night, drunk at 17, back when it was actually exciting to get drunk and not a sad chore like it later became.

I’m going busking tomorrow. I might not be able to do “Night Moves” but I can bust out “Against the Wind.” I ain’t licked yet. It ain’t over. I’m older now and still runnin against the wind. Let the cowboys ride or whatever.

Edit, PS: That was a really dramatic fuckin post. I’m sorry. For some much-needed levity, here’s a picture of me from last week. Some friends visited while I was in bed, and I came out to say hello still holding my book.  PPS: Hey, know another great Bob Seger song? “Still the Same,” especially those ghostly backing vocals in the second verse. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjDpKeiYxOU PPPS: Hey, know another song that has cool ghostly additional instrumental in the second verse? Bruce Springsteen’s “Downbound Train.” It’s not his greatest song and I don’t like Bruce’s overdone “blue collar accent,” the dumb slurring he likes to do in order to sound more like a mechanic making $20 000 a year, but that beautiful synth organ that comes in on the second verse is just heartwrenching, listen for it @ 0:49: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc_mv46NwT4 The organ has a pretty sweet solo for one-bar starting at 1:21. If I could get that organ tone, I wouldn’t put off doing keyboard overdubs, lemme tell ya son, I tell ya what.