#so 2022 when i came out and moved colleges i reached out more i tried to hang out

[basilibino]

The new anti recovery rhetoric is that "people who make posts about dealing with depression/anxiety are talking about the emotion, not the disorder" and I'm here to say as someone with both disorders that that position is just not true.

Rag on getting your body moving and not holing up in ur room with instant meals all you want, no one can make you do anything for ur mental health that u aren't ready and willing to do, but it's frankly nonsensical to act like managing a depressed or anxious mood wouldnt translate to changing the affects of a mood disorder.

Yeah, I will always be anxious and depressed, but you know what worsens those spirals consistently? Isolation. Holing myself up in my room and not going anywhere. Not reaching out to ppl. Not eating food anywhere but my car or my bedroom.

Flipside--you know what, while never getting rid of my anxiety and depression, helps me function daily and maintain relationships? Getting out of my house. Going to the gym and not talking to a damn soul but moving my body. Talking with my friends and acquaintances even if I'm scared they don't want to, even when that will usually cause an immediate spike in anxiety, bc 99.9% of the time that's my own brain assuming the worst.

And guess what—I still have bad days! I still have days where I bedrot. My executive dysfunction has actually never been worse than rn. Sometimes my social anxiety is so severe that trying to socialize to counteract will only make it worse.

I live with these mood disorders every day, on top of general emotional dysregulation; exercise and eating habits will not make them go away, it's true. But it helps manage the symptoms. Which is what ppl are talking about when they make posts abt helping depression and anxiety. And that's why tweet threads like this

Are just the same "we can't all be neurotypical, Karen" posts as 2014.

Replier isn't ready to consistently move themselves out of bed yet, and that's ok!! It's a hallmark of being depressed for a reason!

But

they themselves acknowledge that when they can get out and move, it does help!

And maybe it's just the "spent 2 years in a group DBT setting for suicidal teens" in me speaking but I think they're also unintentionally identifying the biggest thing that hinders recovery—shame for our bad days; shame for relapses—shame. Sometimes you'll wake up and getting out of bed feels insurmountable. You wanted to get out and hit the sidewalk this morning before it got too hot, or before the rain came in and brought in a week long cold front, and you can't go to the gym bc you can't afford a membership bc you don't have a job, but this morning everything feels so heavy that you just can't bring yourself to do it. Maybe later in the afternoon you feel like you can get up and out, but now you feel like you've ruined the day for yourself bc you can't get that walk in. So you stay in bed. And then maybe the next day you get up and it's better. You're feeling a bit more energetic than the day before, even without the possibility of a walk! ...until you remember that party this afternoon that you weren't too big on going to, but your best friends set it up for a small group of you all to hang out. You still want to see your friends, but you'd offered to make brownies; which wouldn't be too bad, just mix the egg and water to the box powder and shove it in the oven for a bit, except for one thing—you don't have enough time to get presentable *and* make brownies this morning if you want to be on time. heaven knows you can't be late, they'll all be so annoyed, and you definitely can't show up brownie-less. Then you remember that you did have plans for yesterday beyond the walk—you were going to make the brownies the night before so they'd be ready for this! You can't believe you sabotaged yourself this bad yesterday.

Overwhelmed with the stress of not only showering, cleaning your teeth, and finding the cleanest clothes you have, but also with the dilemma of brownies to be made, without even getting into the drive over to your friends' house, and the realization that maybe you wouldn't have been so overwhelmed if you had just gotten out of bed yesterday when you had the energy; the sudden sureness that you are self sabotaging without even realizing it until its too late....

You finally reach out to your friends.

With an apology that you won't be able to make it today after all. You sit on the couch and hate yourself.

That extremely detailed ramble drawing from various instances in my own life? The hypothetical you is being held back, yes by their depressive tendencies, but also by the way their shame feeds right back into it. So ashamed of missing their walk window, that they stay in bed. So ashamed of staying in bed even when they could have mustered the energy to go to the kitchen and remember to bake brownies, that they can't even think about being late or going without brownies, so they stay home. So busy hating themself that they don't recognize that despite it all, they made it out of their room today.

Part of what makes anxiety and depression such hard disorders to manage is that they are your outlook on the world, and when you're drowning in them it feels impossible to stop and ask yourself "why would my friends care more about brownies than getting me out of the house for the first time in a month" (which can feel self-invalidating to ask, or too harsh for social anxiety feels, i fully acknowledge that) or, "why do brownies matter more than seeing my friends"

And we get so used to sitting in our shame, that managing the shame becomes its own step in symptom management that personally I never heard addressed outside of DBT group. But to make lifestyle changes, you need to be consistent. And building consistency is hard, and will never be 100% perfect. But if you want to build consistency, then you have to be in a place where bad days and stumbles and bedrot days can happen, be accepted, and then start the next day determined to try. And that's hard when you're expecting to make a sudden about face into a new lifestyle and then feel better. You'll set goals too high, you'll miss them, you'll restart the shame spiral.

And I get that. I feel like part of "recovery" from mood disorders includes, unfortunately, hitting that rock bottom. Bc you can't start climbing out until you are certain it's the best choice you can make for yourself.

But it still annoys me that ppl are now also going after the "unfortunately that advice is true" ppl, bc now they're not just dismissing the advice, they're invalidating the ppl who are very clearly telegraphic that they are in this chronic struggle with you. Would someone who only experiences occasional episodes of mild depression or anxiety open with the vibes of "unfortunately, that advice we all had crammed down our throats until we were sick of it actually does help"? Or would that be coming from someone who has had to experience the ego death of making a gradual lifestyle change and noticing improvement in their symptoms.

[yellowko]

dear renjun,

its been more than a year na rin pala nung huli kong letter. I just want to say........... I think i have my atlas na. hehe r u surprised?! cuz i am HAHAHAHA so backstory muna.... sa tip din sya nag shs but we didnt know each other. he was courting someone and i was on a long term relationship that time. we both have different lives before, invisible string? i think so too. DELULU YARN HAHAHAHA we only began to know each other nung college na, and through online nalang. he dmed me saying na tagal na daw nya gusto mag hi and the rest was history. jk, dami nangyare before kami dumating sa point na to. 2020 we talked and he confessed but i rejected him kasi honestly, di ko sya bet nun. My first impression for him was just a typical guy, medyo mayabang, and immature. but part of me kinda admit na kaya mejo harsh ung first impression ko sakanya because i was comparing him to the guy i liked that time and trying to move on from. Then 2021 came, i was surprised na he still tries to talk to me from time to time and he's okay with us being friends. dahil din dun medyo natuwa ako sakanya and kinda got infatuated with him? ang mali ko lang, nung umamin sya ulit, nadala lang ako and i said na gusto ko rin sya. which ahxhshxh i immediately regret kasi i was still getting to know my feelings for him plus the fact na im still vvv scared sa commitment and doesnt see myself getting in one anytime soon djcndj tas biglang ganun and i felt na ang bilis ng mga nangyayare kasi nilalandi na nya ko (which is understandable naman sa part nya kasi syempre sabi ko gusto ko rin sya e) and all djcndjc biglang gusto ko umatras. which wasss such a dick move, lalo na unti unti ko sya nun ginoghost. and in result, 2022 syempre he got hurt and he got mad. i understand his anger but he said hurtful things plus the fact that i wasnt supposed to see that.... so of course, i got mad na he got mad. djcjdjd so after we "talked", i kinda thought that that was it. tapos na. end of an era. i remembered nalungkot din naman ako nun. but he reached out again, i was surprised but i was still angry. we met and i can see that he was trying so hard to make it up to me and we talked about the issue again. he kept saying sorry and he knew his faults. i can see his efforts naman so we became okay again but i was still uneasy with him so i still didnt gave him a chance that year. We stayed friends but whenever i feel like he'll overstep a boundary, na mag eeffort sya sakin ng more than a friend, pinapatigil ko na sya agad. I was harsh, but he stayed. then 2023 came, he tried moving on and thats when it hit me like a truck HAHHAHAHXHSHA namiss ko sya and hindi ako sanay na hindi nya ko tinatry kausapin. So when he reached out to me again (it turns out di nya raw kaya mag move on but i didnt know that) nag effort na ko kausapin sya and makipag kita. However, this year i also met the lowest point of my life for which he stayed and comforted me. i think thats what convinced me to really gave him a chance. Binabalewala ko nanaman sya that time but never sya gumanti or nagalit. He would still checked up on me and would ask me out on dates even if sobrang hirap ko ayain. and months later, here we are. He's still the maeffort guy i know. And he's still very muchhhhh down bad to me. HAHAHAHAHA i thank God he didnt gave up on me and i wish i get to give back to him all the efforts and patience he has given me ever. He's very sweet, understanding, caring, funny, and everything na i couldnt ask for more. Ramdam na ramdam ko na minamahal ako. Sobrang swerte ko sakanya. He's my atlas, renjun. Matagal ko na pala nahanap, but it took time before we got it right. -110823

[kteabug]

Chapter Thirteen: kairos

kairos: the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement

Chapter Summary: Oikawa travels to San Juan and Iwaizumi might get a roommate.

Pairings: Alpha!Iwaizumi x Omega!Oikawa

Word Count: 4272

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, anxiety, 

Rating: 18+

A/N: I’m sorry it’s been so long since the last update. My pregnancy was exhausting but good news is Peanut is here and doing well (he came on 9/18 and was a tad early) - still trying to get back into the swing of things. 

Various Locations – Early March 2022

San Juan, Argentina – Saturday, 1pm

“Toooooruuuu!!!!” Mateo rushes over towards his former teammate, crashing into him as he wraps his arms around the Omega.

Oikawa takes in the familiar and missed tangerine pheromones, finally able to relax since he first got to the airport to leave Japan. He hates flying now, the intense mix of various pheromones makes the task more difficult than it already was, but his shoulders drop as the citrus scent slowly surrounds him.

“Give him some room to breathe, ‘Teo.” Pablo rolls his eyes, getting a smile from Oikawa, who is glad to see that they are still the same after he left.

“Don’t act like you didn’t miss him!” Mateo teases the Alpha, squeezing Oikawa once more before reluctantly stepping backwards.

Pablo tries to rebut before giving up, awkwardly looking around, unsure what to really do. He reaches out to take Oikawa’s backpack but is surprised when he’s pulled into a hug by the Omega.

“I missed you too.” Oikawa beams his signature smile up at the Alpha, who can’t seem to say anything coherent before the Omega lets go.

The three of them head to the baggage claim, Pablo grabs his suitcase before either Omega could. Mateo eagerly catches Oikawa up on the team, old and new teammates, about the coach and mostly just about how things have been in their friend group since he left. It’s a bit bittersweet really, listening to all the things he’s had to miss out on, but on the other hand he appreciates that his departure didn’t cause any issues with his friends.

* * Irvine, California – 9am

The blonde watches his phone – the blue-eyed man on the other end is frantically moving around the apartment. They’d been on video call for nearly 30 minutes and at least 25 of them were him watching the other man arrange and rearrange the living room area over and over.

“I think the khaki pillow looked better on the left cushion of the couch rather than the right.”

“Really?” Santiago reaches for the pillow before stopping, an unamused expression on his face as he turns towards his laptop. “I don’t appreciate your sarcasm, sir.”

The blonde feigns innocence, “I have no idea what you mean.”

He sighs, flopping down on the bar stool in front of the bar where his laptop is sitting, running his fingers through his hair, an adorable pout on his face. “I’m sorry. You’re busy and here I am wasting time by moving furniture.”

“No time spent with you is wasted.” He laughs watching Santiago cringe at the corny comment, “but I do need to get going – warm-ups will be starting soon.”

The dark-haired Alpha poked out his bottom lip, “shouldn’t college athletes be old enough to warm-up without their coach?”

Someone calls for the blonde, pulling his attention from the pouting Alpha. After a few minutes, his attention is redirected, “I really need to go, Santi. I’ll try to call tonight if you haven’t partied too hard, I know how you get.”

Santi rolls his eyes, “I drunk call one time and it never gets let go.”

“Never.” He smirks, “alright, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye, Col. Good luck today.”

“You too. Oh – I’d move that pillow before he gets there!”

“BYE!” Santiago hangs up in the middle of Colin laughing. Shaking his head at the other Alpha’s behavior, no matter how ridiculous he is, he always seems to calm Santiago down.

** San Juan, Argentina – Saturday, 1:45pm

Oikawa has spent the entire elevator ride fidgeting with his phone, nervously wondering where the campfire scented Alpha is. There’s a thought, a quick one, but it settles deeply in his stomach and that’s that maybe the Alpha doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. Maybe over the last few months he realized Oikawa was just too much to deal with.  

“Honey, we’re home!” Mateo calls out when he unlocks the Alpha’s apartment. The three of them shuffled into the doorway, Pablo still refusing to let Oikawa carry his own luggage.

A panicked Alpha looks over at the door, khaki-colored pillow in his hand as his dark hair falls slightly in his eyes. Oikawa squeezes between Mateo and Pablo, a cautious expression on his face as he searches Santiago’s for any clues on his feelings, hoping that it’s all in his head, that his former teammate wouldn’t just abandon him like a certain other Alpha.

It happens in a blur. Strong tanned arms wrap around him, pulling him into a broad chest as he feels the other man nuzzle his face into the curve of his neck. His nose brushes gently against his scent gland – ones that Oikawa covered with scent blockers and now feels awkward having done – trying to take in the Omega’s pheromones.

“I missed you so much.” The Alpha finally speaks, voice a bit huskier than he remembers and suddenly all the stress that has been knotted up in shoulders, all the negative thoughts about Santiago wanting nothing to do with him, just evaporates as he wraps his arms around the Alpha.

** San Juan, Argentina – Saturday, 11pm

“Since when do you only drink two beers?” Oikawa teases the Alpha, getting a sleepy chuckle out of Pablo, who is half-asleep in the armchair closest to the door.

“It’s because of blondie.” Mateo adds, tossing a wink to whomever.

“Blondie?” Oikawa raises an eyebrow as he turns to Santiago, curiosity tangling into his scent.

He rubs the back of his neck, clearly trying to come up with something to say, but unable to. “J-just a friend.”

Oikawa watches as the Alpha looks down at his ringing phone before excusing himself down the hall. The Omega looks over at Mateo, who just waves him off, reassuring him that Santiago wasn’t upset, but maybe a bit embarrassed.

The brunette gets a bit impatient, tossing his phone beside him after absentmindedly scrolling through various apps. He looks over to see both Mateo and Pablo passed out before he heads down the hall to see what Santiago is up to, but stops when he hears the Alpha talking.

“How was the track meet?” Santi follows up with a congrats, leaving Oikawa to suspect things went well for whomever was on the other end.

Oikawa’s eyes widen slightly, watching a new side of the Alpha appear – one he’s never seen before. He watches the usually confident and boisterous Alpha turn into a docile, shy-like pup and Oikawa is sure if he had a tail, it’d be wagging excitedly.

“Ya know,” his voice becomes soft, bashfulness slipping into his pheromones, “I was looking at my schedule and I think I can get some time off at the end of next month.”

Oikawa knows he should leave, that obviously this was a private conversation, but he’s captivated at just how Santiago is acting. How tamed he seems to be with whoever is on the other end of the line.

“No, no, no…I can come there. Maybe even see you in action as the best track coach.” There’s a pause, “best coach in my book.”

The Omega smiles, slightly jealous of the interaction, wishing he had an Alpha like that. Wishing for just a moment the Alpha who marked him acted that way (damn his stupid instincts) and for just a moment, he wonders how he ever let Sanitago go, why he never gave him a chance.

Santiago amusingly hums at something said to him before finally noticing Oikawa in the doorway, looking apologetic. He holds up an index finger – signaling for him to wait.

“You’ll call tomorrow when you get back? Be careful please.” The Alpha lowers his voice as he turns away from Oikawa, but the brunette swears he hears: ‘goodnight, I love you.’

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” Oikawa quickly defends himself when Santi turns around, the call now ended.

“No worries.”

“I guess that was blondie?” Oikawa watches the Alpha run his fingers through his hair, turning away slightly as if he was embarrassed and suddenly it all clicks. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“His name is Colin. We met at the Olympics, he was on the USA team.” Santi motions for Oikawa to sit next to him on the side of the bed. He tells the Omega how it was a complete coincidence that they had even met: that he had gone to the vending machines and saw Colin and his friend, Ty. Then later that night, he ran into the blonde again outside the hotel which led to them talking well into the morning.

“Aww. Santi, that's adorable.” The Omega purrs.

The Alpha rolls his eyes, “we just clicked and exchanged numbers, but it’s nothing official or anything. Not to mention the huge distance.”

Oikawa picks up on the slight distress coming off Santi, “I think any Omega would be lucky to have you, regardless of the distance. You’re worth making it work, ya know?”

Santiago smirks when the pang in his chest he’s waiting for never comes. There was a time when he’d read into that, assuming the brunette Omega felt the same way about him, but he guesses this is what you call growth. He hums, “I’m pretty sure I’m more lucky to have him.”

** San Juan, Argentina – Thursday, 10am

“Stay.” Mateo clings to Oikawa, whining repeatedly, “just a couple more days or forever. My apartment has a spare room.”

Oikawa chuckles, “I would, but I promised my mom I’d be home for dinner.”

The other Omega just rolls his eyes, shooting a glare at the two Alphas who found Oikawa’s remark hilarious. He knows this goodbye isn’t forever, that Oikawa has already promised to be better at keeping in contact, trying to visit more once things get more settled with his mark and he figures out what he’s going to do with the rest of his life now that volleyball is over.

“Do you need help carrying this?” Pablo asks. “I got it from here.” Oikawa takes his backpack and suitcase from the Alpha, who once again refuses to let him carry his own bags. “I won’t have any strong Alphas back home to carry them for me.”

“You know you really can stay. My place has an extra room and is a lot nicer than Mat’s.” Santiago offers.

“Hey!”

“I appreciate it and would like to stay, but –” He stops, unsure of what really is keeping him in Japan. There are doctors in Argentina and it isn’t like he’s attending college or working which would keep him in his home country. The only thing he can think of is Iwa, but things with him were still so up in the air.

“But your mom is waiting.” Santi finishes, picking up on the very slight distress coming from the Omega.

Oikawa just smiles, once again thankful for the Alpha who always seems to just know. “Colin is really lucky to have you.”

He says one final goodbye to his friends before heading towards his gate, feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders because this time, leaving feels like it’s his choice instead of the only one he has.

* * Tokyo, Japan – Late March 2022

Iwaizumi is exhausted. Somehow the exercise physiologist that was hired four months ago has led him to having even more work. The charts have all recently been digitized so that at any time an employee can sign into the charts and add notes and such to the players’ charts. However it seems the new guy likes to just jot notes down in a personal notebook and not input them into the charts meaning Iwaizumi has to hunt the information down. He understands handwriting notes, he too has a notebook he keeps things in, but at least he makes sure to make it accessible to the rest of the staff. So much for teamwork.

But Iwa’s irritation towards the other Alpha goes deeper than missing chart notes and always taking the coffee mug Iwa likes to use. There’s just something about him that rubs Iwaizumi the wrong way like a shirt tag that scratches against your neck. Maybe it’s the fact this guy refuses to use scent patches and his almost suffocating pheromones fill whatever space he’s been in. Or maybe it’s the annoying way the leathery scent seems familiar, but he can’t place it.

He scrunches up his face as he places the mug of now cold coffee back on his desk – mood further souring. Rolling his shoulders he looks over at the wall clock in his office: 5:45PM and he knows that he won’t be leaving anytime soon.

Ding! Ding!

Oikawa: Are you coming to Mattsun’s?

Oikawa: Oh! Sorry to bother you at work!

Iwaizumi: Don’t be! No bother at all.

Iwaizumi: I can’t tonight – paperwork.

Iwaizumi sighs, his irritation toward the newly hired Alpha grows. Things between the pair had been a little off after the reunion and before they could meet back up in person, he took a trip to South America. Iwaizumi assumed that he’d have a lot of people to catch up with, so he limited his replies even though it drove him crazy to know he could talk to the Omega whenever he wanted. He knows Oikawa is having a tough time and even if it means swallowing his feelings down, he just wants to be there for him, to be the one he can lean on. But this stupid, leathery smelling bitch of an Alpha continues to stand in his way.

** Oikawa: Boo you whore!

Oikawa lets out a deep sigh, dropping his arm to the side while his fingers brush against the carpet. The only thing that had gotten him through this shitty week had been the thought of getting to see and talk to the Alpha.

The pair have been texting a lot, almost everyday ended with a phone call to the other, and things have started to feel more normal than they had been since his return to Japan. But texts and calls weren’t the same as being face-to-face, to being able to smell Iwa’s earthy pheromones and pretend he doesn’t notice how he’s the only Alpha that doesn’t trigger his instincts into thinking he’s betraying the one whose mark he wears.

Bzzt! Bzzt!

Iwaizumi Hajime: Blame the new guy

Oikawa: Maybe I’ll come by and give him a piece of my mind.

Iwaizumi Hajime: And tell him what? To leave your Alpha alone?

Oikawa squeals, tossing his phone towards Makki who gets hit in the shin due to not paying attention to the Omega’s antics. The pink-haired Beta quickly shoots a confused look at the brunette before picking up the cellphone by his foot.

“Who are you talking to that has you acting more of a dork than usual?”

“...Iwaizumi.”

The Beta perks up, trying a few password combinations before locking the Omega out of his phone for five minutes. Both men groan as they can only sit and watch the phone slowly and painstakingly count down – both silently thankful Makki didn’t disable it for any longer or permanently.

Oikawa experiences several emotions while reading the six unread messages from Iwa that all came in during the last five minutes. From the bashfulness that heats up the tips of his ears and fills his chest with warmth to the defeated feeling that runs a chill across his shoulders when reality slaps him in the face, taking away the short illusion that his life isn’t what it is.

Iwaizumi Hajime: I meant friend

Iwaizumi Hajime: Ya know, like ‘leave your Alpha friend alone’

Iwaizumi Hajime: That makes even less sense…

Iwaizumi Hajime: Oikawa? Hello?

Iwaizumi Hajime: I’ll talk to you later…paperwork, ya know?

Iwaizumi Hajime: I’m sorry for that message…especially since you’re…well ya know…

“At least he didn’t text you ‘I was hacked’ or something lame like that.”

Oikawa gives Makki a ‘what the fuck’ expression before locking his phone. “I thought you were going to help me search for an apartment, not pick on me.”

“I don’t even think ‘hiro has ever searched for an apartment in his life.” Mattsun remarks as he walks into the apartment, having just got off of work. He presses a quick kiss to Makki’s temple before properly greeting the Omega.

“I did too! I went with Ryuu–” the Beta quickly bites his lip, eyes focusing on the ground because he doesn’t want to see the look that could be in Matsukawa’s eyes.

Mattsun clears his throat, it does nothing to alleviate the thick tension that’s in the air around them. “Why the sudden itch to move? I’m sure your parents love having you there.”

“They do and I enjoy being there. But…uh…well it’s getting harder on me to be exposed to so many pheromones and the train takes a huge toll on me. I figured finding a place close or at least closer to my doctors would be the best.” He knows that he’s rambling a bit, but he can’t help it. The clear tension in the room has him slightly on edge. “Plus I should really think of getting a job or maybe going to college.”

Matsukawa hums before walking down the hallway towards the master bedroom. Once the door clicks, Oikawa practically breaks his neck turning towards Hanamaki, who already knows what’s going to come out of the Omega’s mouth.

“What the fuck was that? Who is Ryuu? Why did Mattsun look so…dejected?”

Makki glances down the hallway, their bedroom door still shut, but he keeps his voice low anyways. “Ryuuji was an…uhm…Alpha I saw for some time.”

“Before Mattsun?” His words come out slowly and he doesn’t like the look on the Beta’s face. “While you were together? Makki…did you che–”

“No!” He yells in a hushed tone. “It was before we were together or at least serious. Back when we just hooked up from time to time, I happened to meet Ryuuji while waiting for Issei to meet me at a bar. We actually stopped talking for a while, Issei and I, so it’s just kind of a sore topic.”

“What happened? I mean with Ry–that Alpha?” Of course Oikawa knew Mattsun and Makki were essentially fuckbuddies. Hell, anyone with half a brain cell could see that, but the Omega never knew they stopped talking, that someone drove them apart.

“He did what Alphas do.” Hanamaki’s words are laced with venom, “he marked an Omega.”

The brunette’s hand moves on its own, covering the bite mark that’s already hidden behind his charcoal gray turtleneck.

* * Tokyo, Japan –  Early April 2022

Iwaizumi watches in confusion as Hanamaki looks around his apartment, walking around like he’s scoping the place out.

“Would you say it’s fairly priced for the location? How far from K University? Do you like the area?”

The Alpha glances at Matsukawa who just throws his hands up, he’s just as confused and lost as Iwa is with his partner’s behavior. “It’s within my budget, so I’d say yeah. It’s about a ten minute walk and I don’t really go out much due to work, but my coworkers enjoy the local shops and such.”

The Beta hums, walking down the hallway. “How many bedrooms?”

“Uh…two.” Iwa looks at Makki when he returns to the living room area, “why so many questions? Mattsun finally kicked ya out?”

Makki scrunches his face and sticks his tongue out, “funny, but no. I know someone who is looking for a place. Do you use your second bedroom?”

“What? Uhm, not really. It was going to be an office, but I never work from home.”

“You know, they say having a roommate makes you happier.”

“Who says that?” Iwa asks just as Mattsun remarks, “do they really?”

“It was in an article.” Makki shoots a glare at his partner, “anyways, think of how fun it would be! More money in your pocket, someone to help around the place, no more lonely nights in silence.”

“When did I say my nights were lonely?”

“You’re 28, live alone and don’t even have a plant. They’re lonely.” Makki tilts his head with an amused look on his face.

“Wait wait wait. Who do you know that needs a place?”

“Oikawa. He mentioned it a few weeks ago when he came over.”

This certainly catches Iwaizumi’s attention. The two of them have talked plenty within that time frame and the Omega never mentioned it to him. “Why out here? Wouldn’t it be easier to stay close to his parents?”

Makki rolls his eyes, annoyed that those two still haven’t gotten their shit together, before telling Iwaizumi briefly what Oikawa had told him. The train rides were beginning to take a huge toll, he spent more time at the various doctors than at home anyways, and he was thinking of getting a job or going back to school.

Iwaizumi realizes there’s a lot that Oikawa doesn’t include in their conversations and he tries not to feel so rejected by that realization. An Alpha had hurt him, so of course opening up to another one, especially one with a rocky history, would be difficult. Not to mention, Iwaizumi could start asking deeper questions instead of just ‘how are you’ and ‘did you have a decent day’ and waiting for Oikawa to lead the conversation.

“Even if I wanted a roommate, asking Oikawa to move in would be disrespectful.”

Matsukawa runs his hand down his face, “what the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s distasteful to live with a marked Omega who isn’t bonded to you.”

The two Betas share a look, one mixed with exhaustion and annoyance, those two really did know how to stress them out unknowingly.

“That’s such a traditional way of thinking.” Mattsun tells the Alpha.

“Yeah, did we wake up back in the 1800’s.” Makki teases, “plus the hell with tradition. There’s nothing traditional about his whole situation. He’s been home for what…six months now? And not once has that Alpha appeared or even been mentioned.”

Hanamaki did make good points. It would be different if the bond was complete. It would be different if Oikawa was just blatantly choosing to live with a different Alpha. Hell, it would be different if the Omega wasn’t bonded at all. But he is and the only saving grace that calms Iwa’s thoughts is that that Alpha isn’t in the picture. Well at least he assumes said Alpha isn’t.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes when he hears Makki squeal.

The strawberry-haired Beta jumps up, immediately announcing that he’s calling Oikawa before either of the other men in the apartment can object.

“But only if he can’t find a place first!” Iwaizumi calls out, knowing the Beta doesn’t hear a word he’s just said.

“Looks like you might get a roommate, eh?” Matsukawa smirks when Iwaizumi chugs the rest of his beer.

* * Miyagi, Japan – Mid April 2022

“Are you sure about this? It’s not really…it might look…” Miyeko struggles to find the right way to phrase her thoughts.

“No matter what I do, things won’t look good to some people.” Oikawa chuckles, knowing his mother means well, but he’s used to this. Used to the awkward stares he gets from new nurses and receptionists, to the curious looks when people realize he’s covering a bond mark, something most wear with pride. He can’t say that he likes or enjoys the feeling of shame that he gets or the way he wants to crumble at their judgment, but his parents have done so much and the least he can do is act like it doesn’t get to him.

“I think this will be good for Tooru,” Daisuke gives his wife’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Maybe he’ll be able to spend less days stuck in bed from pheromone overloads and even go back to lower doses of his medicine. Things may get more stable and he can start the next chapter in his life. Plus we know Hajime will look after him.”

Miyeko still doesn’t look all that convinced and her tone solidifies that, “but…maybe we should ask your doctor again or get a second opinion.”

“Dr. Frye thinks it will be a good thing and so does Dr. Arimura. I promise if it gets too much I’ll rethink things and bring them up at appointments.”

“If it gets too much, Tooru knows he can come home or we can help him find a different place.”

“Let’s just get you a single apartment now.” Hints of distress start to taint his mother’s lavender scent causing his dad’s woodsy scent to fill the room.

“Mi, I’m worried about this too, but I think we can both agree we’d feel a bit better if we knew someone was with Tooru, right?”

“It’s just…he’s an Alpha…”

“But before that, he’s just Hajime, Tooru’s childhood best friend. We know his pheromones don’t affect Tooru as badly as others do and this way there’s someone there just in case.”

“He’ll be my roommate not my keeper.” Oikawa huffs, feeling more like a teenager than he did back when he actually was one.

“And you’re sure he’s okay with you living with him?” Miyeko turns her attention back to her son.

“Yes, Mom. I’ll have him tell you himself when he calls tonight if you want.”

“Well, if you are both sure this is a good idea…” “I’m already poorly bonded, what’s the worst that could happen?” Oikawa jokes, causing Miyeko to state he was going to cause her to have a heart attack before walking off and getting a head shake from Daisuke.

But honestly, what was the worst that could happen?

previous | m.list | next

[zimms]

an olliewicks flower shop au to soothe the soul! this is somewhat based on mine and @tingo-tango’s tags on this post. 

fields of flowers, soft beneath my heels

Ollie’s wrist-deep in a pot of soil, sweat rolling down his cheeks and sunlight streaming through the windows of Faber’s Flowers, when the shop’s bell rings and a new customer stumbles through the door. Ollie frowns slightly and hastily wipes the beads of sweat off his chin with the corner of his shirt, before plastering on his best customer service smile to greet whoever needs flowers at 7:30 am on a Tuesday morning. He mentally catalogues the possibilities; maybe they’ve forgotten their spouse’s birthday? Or maybe it’s a gift for someone at work? Maybe it’s an apology present because they accidentally cycled into a fruit stall and ruined a fresh batch of melons? 

(Okay, maybe not, but it would be a refreshing change in the cycle of constant businessmen grovelling for their partner’s forgiveness)

Ollie shakes himself from his thoughts and grins across the counter at the customer, who’s sporting a baseball cap and a t-shirt that sits just right across his broad shoulders. Ollie’s eyes track down the guy’s biceps which are a tad too big for the sleeves. Ollie consciously shut his mouth to stop himself from gaping; this guy was hot. As Ollie’s gaze roams across the customer’s face to meet his eyes, he realises three things. Number one is that he definitely shouldn’t be ogling a customer like he’s a piece of meat. Number two is that he hasn’t said anything to this guy yet. Number three is that at least a minute of awkward silence and staring has passed since the customer entered the shop. 

Ollie rips his eyes away from the customer’s face to stare at a spot slightly behind his left shoulder. “Hi! What can I help you with today?”

The guy shifts on the balls of his feet, scanning the shelves of bouquets and individual flowers. “Erm, I’m looking for a bouquet of flowers for my mom?” His voice raises at the end of his sentence, which is kind of cute, if Ollie does say so. He rubs the back of his neck and his checks flush pink. “I kinda need to apologise to her.”

Ah, a classic apology scenario. Got it. 

“What’s the apology for?” Ollie asks as he turns to the sink behind the counter to wash his hands. “Not that you have to tell me that is; it just might help as we make the bouquet.” He unravels the roll of tissue paper and cuts off a square to package the flowers in. 

Hot Guy winces. “Ah,” he says, “I kinda got into a fight in front of her the other night. She was not happy to say the least, so I figured I might as well get her some flowers to apologise for it.” 

“Cool, cool.” Ollie grins at him. “What kinda flowers do you want for her?” He gestured to the whole shop, where various buckets of flowers lined the walls, each displaying a different species. “We can get her just a plain old bunch that’s all just the same type of flower, or we could mix and match, create a nice piece of artwork that she’ll admire rather than a bunch that’s boring and all the same.”

Hot Guy’s eyes flick up from the counter and meet Ollie’s own, moving slowly up his body. If Ollie was feeling particularly optimistic, he’d say the guy was checking him out, but he pushes that thought to the corner of his mind because he’s made way too many faux-pas in the past by asking out guys that have come into the shop just for all of them to be straight. Hot Guy clears his throat. “Yeah, a mixture sounds good. I know her favourite flowers are hyacinths if that helps?”

“That’s perfect.” Ollie shoots him the most reassuring smile he can think of, eyes softening. He grabs the bucket of blue hyacinths that sit behind him. “These alright?” 

“Yeah, those are great,” Hot Guy says a little hoarsely, squinting at Ollie’s name tag, “Ollie.” Something settles in Hot Guy’s voice and he seems a bit more comfortable. 

“So, why'd you get into a fight in front of your mom?” Ollie reaches for the bucket of Narcissus behind him and waves a bunch at Hot Guy for affirmation. He nods in return. “Doesn’t seem like the best idea to me-” Ollie trails off, hoping that Hot Guy might get the hint and finally introduce himself. 

“Oh, uh, Pacer.” He coughs and the remaining tension leaks out of his posture. “Nah, a guy said something about Ma, and you know, I had to rush to defend her like the rash idiot I am.” 

Ollie laughs. “At least, it’s one of the more noble reasons to get into a fight. There’s a bit more chance of forgiveness, then.”

Pacer nods and his gaze wanders away from where Ollie is deftly making the bouquet to settle on the purple Clematis. 

“You like them?” Ollie makes a ‘gimme’ motion with his hands and Pacer passes the bucket over to him. Their hands briefly brush each other during the exchange and Ollie does everything in his power to ignore the jolt that goes through him at that brief skin to skin contact. “You’ve got a good eye; I was just about to grab them myself.”

“Yeah, my mom loves blue and yello-” Pacer cuts himself off with a sneeze. “Also, aren’t they the colours of the local hockey team around here? The Falcons?” Although he has a completely clueless tone to his voice, Pacer is studying Ollie’s reaction as if it might reveal the secrets of the universe. 

“Yeah, the Falcs! I only get to see them every so often, but they’re great,” Ollie says, doing his level best to ignore Pacer’s sudden intensity. “I was actually on the same team as Jack Zimmermann in college, which was pretty cool.”

“Really?” Pacer’s enigmatic expression becomes even more indecipherable. “That is pretty cool.” He looks slightly over his shoulder towards the street before meeting Ollie’s eyes and flashing a genuine smile at him. “I actually played a bit of hockey myself, you know.”

Ollie tries to convince himself that the bubble of excitement that rushes through him is because Pacer is such a good conversationalist and not for any other reason, like the fact that they have a couple of things in common, or that Pacer is one of the hottest guys he’s ever seen. 

(He fails.)

_X_

Pacer leaves about forty minutes later, with a bouquet and handwritten note in hand and a smile fixed firmly on his face. When Ollie goes to scrub down the counter and start repotting the plant he’d abandoned when Pacer had arrived, he spots a scrap of paper that definitely hadn’t been there before. The note is pretty cute; it’s a string of numbers and a smiley face, accompanied by a couple of lines from Pacer.

Would you like to go I would have asked you out earlier, but my tea friend always says it’s bad form to hit on workers whilst they’re on shift. Anyway, here’s my number if you want to go out some time? Call m Don’t worry if you don’t though!

- Pacer 

Ollie grins as he opens up his phone to add the number to his contacts, but pauses as he sees a Google Alert come through that he’s set up for the Falcs. The text reads, Providence Falconers acquire forward Pacer Wicks from Colorado Avalanche in exchange for a second round pick in the 2022 NHL Draft, and immediately underneath the caption, Pacer’s smiling face stares out at him. 

Pacer’s voice echoes in his mind. “I actually played a bit of hockey myself.”

Played a bit of hockey himself? Ollie cannot believe this guy. He plays in the fucking NHL and all he says is “I actually played a bit of hockey myself.” 

However, Ollie thinks as he opens up the article to see a picture of a bruised Pacer from his last game with the Avs, it would explain why he needed to apologise for fighting in front of his mom. 

_X_

Now that Ollie is aware of Pacer Wicks’ existence, he seems to follow him everywhere. Well, not Pacer exactly, but his name. 

It begins, like many things, at the grocery store. 

“Excuse me?” the cashier asks, as she’s scanning his groceries two days after Pacer first came into the florist’s. “Are you that hockey player? Pacer Wicks?” 

Ollie furrows his eyebrows. He doesn’t think that him and Pacer look that similar, but then again, Pacer’s only been in Providence a couple of days, so people don’t exactly know what he looks like yet. “No, sorry.”

The cashier purses her lips, taking a moment to study him again before ringing him up. “Huh, sorry! You guys just look really alike is all.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Ollie gathers up his groceries. “These things happen sometimes.”

(He almost texts Pacer to tell him about it, but, as Ollie looks at the clock on his phone, he realises that Pacer probably isn’t going to want to receive a message about how someone thought they looked similar mid-way through his game against the Pens.

Also, he’d have to wish him luck and honestly, as much as Ollie loves the Falcs, he wouldn’t wish them too much luck against his hometown team.)

_X_

ollie

hey! i’ve finished off that other apology bouquet for your ma!

let me know when you want to swing by and pick it up!

also i was watching the game tonight; do you need me to make up another identical one for your ma, or do you wanna come into the shop to choose this one?

pacer

thanks ol! i’ll probably swing by to pick it up tomorrow and then help make the next one at the same time?

ollie

sounds like a plan!!

_X_

When he said these things happen sometimes to that cashier in the grocery store, he didn’t expect them to happen all the goddamn time. Be it at his favourite café, on the street, or on the commuter rail, someone always, always, asks if he’s Pacer Wicks. 

_X_

ollie

oof that hit from eriksen looks like it’s gonna leave a mark

pacer

yeah, half my face is swollen

ollie

yikes

pacer

i assume we’re still on for dinner in a couple of days right?

even if my stunning visage has been marred by the fists of a schooner

ollie

that was a very weird way of putting it

but yeah, i still wanna go out with you even if your face looks like a dodgeball

_X_

A girl taps him on the shoulder at Bitty’s Bites downtown. “Excuse me, are you Pacer Wicks?”

Ollie smiles sheepishly at her, brandishing his coffee cup with a scrawled Oily on it as if it might keep the Pacer Wicks fans away. “Sorry, you’ve got the wrong dude.”

He hurries out of there as quickly as his legs can take him after that, hands fumbling for his phone so that he can text Pacer about it.

ollie

jdshjkdsjh a girl just asked if i was you

pacer

oh?

ollie

yeah, i don’t really know why so many people ask if i’m you

especially as they usually ask when you’re on a roadie??

so i don’t get why they know who you are without knowing the falcs’ schedules

pacer

maybe they’re a fan of my dashing good looks rather than my hockey?

isn’t that why you agreed to go out with me after all?

Ollie grins to himself before sending back three words.

don’t push it

_X_

He’s less generous to the guy on the commuter rail, but in fairness that’s mainly because he stole the last seat just before Ollie could get there and it’s 6:30 in the morning. 

“Hey, aren’t you that hockey pl-?”

Ollie barely looks up from his phone before cutting him off with a sharp “No.”

_X_

Today, someone even asks him at the flower shop.

“No,” he says, heaving the deepest sigh he can whilst still remaining in customer service mode, “I think Pacer Wicks might have other things to do on a Saturday afternoon than work the till at a flower shop.” He shuts the cash drawer on the register with a bang and hands the customer their change and bouquet as quickly as he can. “Thank you for shopping with us! Enjoy your day!” 

He collapses back onto the wooden stool that he keeps behind the counter, taking a breather for approximately five seconds before a laugh echoes through the shop. Ollie jumps half a foot in the air before locating Pacer, who’s stood in the corner of the shop inspecting a piece of sea holly. 

He’s dressed up pretty nicely considering hockey players’ notoriously bad fashion sense, wearing a button-up, a nice pair of jeans that do all the right things for his hockey butt, and his ever-present baseball cap, but this time, unlike his first visit to the shop, it’s sat backwards on his head. He spins around to face the back of the shop, grinning his face off. “I’m impressed by the fact that she asked you that whilst I was standing in the shop and she still didn’t notice me.” He laughs, smirking across at Ollie. “Does that happen often?”

“Yeah, some people are surprisingly oblivious sometimes,” he says, “but also, I don’t look that much like you?” He pauses, trying to work out what Pacer’s face means. He places his hands on his hips and jokingly rounds on Pacer. “Do I?” 

Pacer chuckles, taking a few steps closer so that he’s leaning against the counter. “Not that much, but would it be so bad if you looked like me?” A mock-wounded expression plays across his features as he presses his hand to his chest. 

Ollie takes off his apron and hangs it up behind the counter. “Nope, because you are extremely hot.” He threads his fingers through the hockey player’s belt loops to pull him closer, feeling emboldened by Pacer’s flirting. “And if that means that people are inadvertently calling me hot whilst asking if I’m you?” He shrugs. “I can live with it.”

Pacer has to lower his gaze to meet Ollie’s eyes, the two inch height difference between them clearly obvious, even if Ollie is six foot, thank you very much. “You were right about something though,” Pacer murmurs, “I do have better things to do than stand in a flower shop on a Saturday afternoon.”

“Like what?” Ollie raises an eyebrow.

Pacer smiles softly down at him, taking his hand and interlacing his fingers with Ollie’s. “Like taking the cute florist that works there on a date for starters.” Pacer starts to move them towards the shop’s entrance. “There’s this lit-” He sneezes abruptly.

Ollie tilts Pacer’s head downwards. “That’s like the fourth time you’ve sneezed in the shop.” He rubs his thumb over his cheek, frowning when he sees that Pacer’s eyes are slightly red. “Are you okay?”

Pacer waves him off. “Yeah, it’s fine; my antihistamines just wore off.”

His-? Ollie furrows his eyebrows before leading his date out of the shop. “Pacer, are you allergic to flowers?” 

“No?” Pacer’s sheepish and slightly bunged up reply says everything that Ollie needs to know.

“Fuck, Pace, why have you been coming to the shop so much if you’re allergic? Surely you don’t like the aesthetics of flowers that much that you need to torture your sinuses every spare minute of the day.” Ollie pinches the bridge of his nose, voice full of exasperation.

Pacer holds his hands up in surrender. “In my defence, the first few times were because I did need to buy Ma flowers, but I didn’t keep coming back because the flowers were pretty.” He pulls Ollie close and frames his face with his hands. “I came back because the florist was.”

_X_

The final time Ollie is mistaken for Pacer is five years later as he’s heading towards the arena for Pacer’s final game of the season. In fairness, dressed in a Wicks jersey and a Falcs snapback, he probably looks more like Pacer now than he has at any time since he first got mistaken for him in the grocery store. 

“Excuse me?” A teenager taps him on the shoulder, their arm slung around a friend. “Are you Pacer Wicks?”

Ollie grins at the kid. “Nope,” he says, trying not to take too much joy in the hope fading from the fan’s eyes before he drops the bombshell, “I am his husband though.”

“Really?” The teenager’s eyes light up. “You’re not kidding, right?”

“Nope.” Ollie holds up his phone screen to show the kid a photo of Pacer kissing his cheek, just so that they know he’s not lying. “D’you wanna meet him after the game?” He smirks at them. “After all, I do know a guy.”

[pattycakessss]

I remember being 3 years old and answering my preschool teachers then that I wanted to be a doctor when I grow up. It was my constant answer. And it was the reason why I always wanted doctor playthings at home.

I remember being 7 and wanting to be with my brother while he was confined in the hospital because of his concussion. I remember wanting to stay there with him and my mom not because I was worried of my brother (I knew he’d be okay) but because I liked hospitals and I liked seeing doctors and watching them do their stuff.

I remember being 12 and discovering the world of Dr. House.  I remember telling myself that one day, I will be like him. I’ll be as good as him, even as mean as him. (Lol) But I will be good at what I do. And that I will be a doctor. I remember that moment well.

I remember being in our highschool career fair in my junior year. I was with my dad and this woman was giving a career talk to us. She was a doctor from PGH. She shared how she struggled in highschool then but ended up being a doctor eitherway. I remember feeling both hopeful and doubtful that I’ll even have the opportunity to get to med school because my dad lost his job and we were barely making ends meet. But I remember the encouragement. How my dad told me we’ll make it happen and that I should pray and work hard. And so I did.

I remember being in college. On my 3rd year, people were already thinking about getting the NMAT. I wanted to take it but then I didn’t have the funds. I spoke to my parents about my desire of still going to medschool and be a doctor. They told me to pray and that it’s not possible. But back then I felt defeated. I knew it will just be left as a dream. We’re not exactly financially able. So even if my parents had me research schools, a part of me was not hoping anymore. 

I remember being 4th year in college and medschool wasn’t even in my mind anymore. A part of me accepted the fact that it’s not gonna happen so I opted to be realistic. I started thinking of a career that I’d like. I was leaning on being a psychologist instead but I ended up liking the thrill of the corporate world more.

I remember being 20, fresh out of college, and landing a job immediately after summer. I remember being asked about my 5 year goal and back then I said I wanted to be a doctor but I knew it wasn’t gonna happen. We weren’t financially stable then. It’s not possible. My then boss accepted it and believed it. Back then, It was tough. I mean we were just starting to get stable. I was finally helping pay for some bills at home. I’d give back to my family every now and then. It worked and I enjoyed it. I had the time of my life. I explored, travelled, met people. And I’m immensely blessed that I was born to this family who supported me in every thing that I wanted to do. I even had brothers who would also push me to be the best ate I could be. 

I remember being 21 and feeling burned out. I thought I liked recruitment. I thought it was gonna satisfy me for the rest of my life and would compensate as a back-up plan for my failed doctor dream. Apparently it didn’t. That same year I spoke to my parents and they pushed me to take the NMAT. They even enrolled me to a review center so I could prepare better. Sadly, though I passed, I didn’t get good NMAT scores. --Well not good for my standards and for other school’s standards as well. My friend from PLM who was in his 2nd year in medschool at the time told me to try and apply to his school and I did try. But only because I had a crush on him. Not because I really wanted to. (Haha I just want to get this one out there lol) But there. After taking the NMAT that year, I still didn’t think we could afford med school so I just decided to go back to work. 

I remember being 22 and having the time of my life. I just finally had a boyfriend, I went to many places, even flew to Singapore on my own to meet my aunt. I remember having one of the toughest tasks at work because they felt that I can do it even if the management doesn’t really allow newbies to take on a senior role, I was given one. I was even OIC on many occassions. Life was good. But then every now and then I remember feeling empty. I knew recruitment still wasn’t what I wanted. And so I spoke to my parents again about taking the NMAT. Like the year before, they said I should take it again if I wanted to. This time though I decided to pay for everything on my own. I also reviewed on my own and it worked. I got higher scores. :) I remember being in SG and talking to my ninang about my plans. She told me to update her about it. And so my hope of being in medschool was ignited. 

I remember being 23 and after talking to my parents, decided that I wanted to go back to school and pursue medicine. They asked “what about the funds?” I shared to them how my ninang told me to update her about it. I thought then that it was my ninang telling me that she’ll fund my studies. Turns out she was just genuinely curious about it and just wanted to be involved and be in touch, which don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a lot to this day. But nonetheless, my parents still said that they’ll support me as much as they could financially as well. You see, by the time I was 23, things were getting better financially in all aspects. We also moved to our own house a few years prior; we weren’t renting anymore. We had a place we called ours and my parents placed it under my name. God is good. :) So going back, my parents supported me and helped me apply to one medical school. It was my college alma mater. The interview came and went and I passed with flying colors. :) Since I already passed, I decided to quit my job and go to med school. Unfortunately, God told me not yet. Because of the lack of funds then, I wasn’t able to enroll on time. Was I devastated? of course I was. But I kept faithful. My parents told me to keep praying. And so I did. 

I remember the months after quitting my job how I lapsed into depression. It was a tough time. I gave up my career and now I was stuck with no income and money. Back then my parents didn’t want me to work anymore and just wait for the next school year to start. So I did. I remember feeling lost that time. Being a bum. I didn’t like it. I often found myself crying at 3 in the morning willing for everything to end. I remember wanting to die and almost committing suicide one to many times. I remember it all. 

By the time I turned 24 in 2019, I decided to get myself together. And stopped just following orders. I decided to apply to another medical school too. (and my dad and brother even came with me!) I got a job to also earn a bit. I remember applying to this state medical school because it would offer low tuition fees that we could afford. I studied my ass off for it, even tried to pull some strings for it. But unfortunately, I failed. I tried to ask for a reconsideration with the help of some connections but it didn’t help. (I mean the admin of the medicine office in that state medschool told me to do something else to have it reconsidered but I opted not to. I didn’t want to earn my slot throught my “connections”. I wanted to earn it because I deserved it. So I walked away from that school and never looked back). So you might be wondering how I took it lightly? Ha! I didn’t. I got depressed again. Drank my sorrows and even wanted to commit suicide again. I felt like such a failure. My boyfriend had to help me get through it. My family didn’t know I took it that bad. But do you wanna know what helped me then? I just prayed. And I cried to God every night. Until one day my parents spoke to me and said, why don’t I try applying to the school I applied to last year that I got admitted to? And I asked them “What about the funds? The fees there are double than what was being asked in the state medical college” and they just said “Just keep praying. And have faith.” 

And by God’s grace, everything fell into place. After going back to my previous alma mater, I was granted a reconsideration of my previous slot. I and one other were the only ones who were granted the spot and was reconsidered to be accepted. :) What’s more amazing was that we had the funds just in time for me to pay for my tuition. Though my boyfriend had to leave again for Australia, it also still worked out in my favor because I got to focus in medical school. 

And yes, you read that right. After all the detours and crossroads, I’m already on my way to reaching my dream. And I wouldn’t have done it without my ever supportive and loving parents, my 2 annoying brothers who never fails to keep me afloat, my 2 dogs, my relatives who are just as supportive, my boyfriend who’s also studying a continent away, and of course, the big Man upstairs! By His grace, I’m already in my 2nd year of medical school and will be graduating by 2023. 

By God’s grace, I’ll finally be a doctor by 2023. Fully licensed to heal by 2024. And will be saving and touching lives as soon as 2022′s clerkship. Prayers up, always!

[anonblogsfeels]

WOW HELLO FROM 2022

Let’s recap where we left off---but before we do that, a disclaimer if u will. I have regressed a lot in terms of spelling, grammar, English. I text and type like a middle schooler now. I use cuz and u and y a lot. Don’t ask me why. Probably because I am lazier now as well and I don’t care anymore either. Also use a lot of text abbreviations and will be using millennial hashtags often to display my feelings and emotions. I don’t know why I was so proper with grammar and spelling before in my last posts, but if this is supposed to be a personal diary, then I shouldn’t really care how well written my posts are LOL. Also probably a lot of run on sentences and fragments. I was never really good with that. Now, let’s recap all the years that I have been gone (well from what I remember) I do have better things I should be doing right now, but this is a good distraction :) 

2016-2017 

-Whirlwind friendship with this girl but I think she was like lowkey highkey in love with me? Cuz she was weirdly obsessed and possessive with me. I didn’t hang out with anyone but her and we did things she wanted to all the time. The friendship ended because I wouldn’t cancel my interview for a research position to go hang out with her for her birthday #ded well that was a major plot line, but tbh after that the relationship went downhill. I remember trying to beg her for her friendship back with Taco Bell and music outside her door??? The fuq. Anyways I think the friendship really ended on my side when she graduated and I went to her graduation and she didn’t respond to my texts or phone calls until like 10PM! I was hurt because I took time out of my day to celebrate her and she wouldn’t even give me the time of day until it was convenient for her! I understand she was with her family, but a quick text isn’t hard! Then the next day I came by to drop off her graduation gift (in hindsight, it was a  pretty gay gift...it was a photo album with pictures of us and memories LOL), such a weird friendship. And she never talked to me again after that. But I did reach out like a year later because her hometown was flooded due to natural disasters and tried to reconcile, but she wasn’t very receptive. Recently (maybe this year?) she sent me a snapchat but quickly undid it. So I never know what she sent. I hope she's doing well and has accomplished everything she's wanted and more. She was still a big part of my life even if it was for a short while and I learned a lot about what a good friend should be. Even if the friendship didn’t end on good terms. 

-Did not take my MCAT. Did not get into pre college med school program. Deferred a year. Big deal for me. I always did things on time and according to “schedule”. But 2016 was a tough year. I cried a lot. I was afraid of being a failure. I was afraid my parents wouldn’t understand, but they did. I love my mommy. Got a C in AP. 

-Had like TWO massive cold sores on my upper lip. IT WAS AWFUL. I had never and still have never had such a severe case of HSV. I was really stressed and going through it so thats probably why. But my lips were juicy tho.

-From the looks of it, my faith was still pretty strong in 2016, but boy was that going to change. Junior year was so tough. Personally, mentally, physically, career wise, class wise. The whole shebang. 

-Got a ring and a lot of my friends showed up (now there's like maybe 1 of them that I still talk to sadly)

-Got accepted into a research program! It only lasted a semester cuz the overseeing professor moved T_T

-Got really into calligraphy and lettering, definitely hyper fixated on it and stayed up till like 6am practicing (also think I may have adhd who knows but see 2022)

2017-2018

-Senior year whoop whoop. President amazing for me but the worst experience of my life. And another officer position. Loved this year a lot. Met really amazing people in my research program. Went to one of their weddings. invited to another but in a different city, so did not go. They were really amazing. I wish I kept in touch with them, but I was really emo after I graduated so they are no longer in my life :( I wish them well and maybe one day we can reconnect again.

-Hung out with so many people! Felt so loved and like I BELONGED! I didn’t realize how little I hung out with other people after ending that weird friendship the year before. My friendships really blossomed and was great this year, but of course it didn’t last long because of my never ending habit of self sabotaging :) 

-Smoked a bong for the first time and Gorl. Literally thought I was going to have to go to the ER and they would call my parents. Thank God that subsided after my friend started getting loopy too. But what really iced this cake was when my friend KICKED us out because he couldn’t have us over anymore. I guess I don’t call him my friend after that (but we still kept in contact and I went to his ring ceremony...weird. But now I don’t talk to him either lol. I hope he is a doctor now). Like wtf?? you’re gonna invite us to smoke and then KICK us out?? I wish my confrontational skills were as good as they are now because I would love to have talked to him and communicated this with him and mediated this once we were sober because that is not a cool thing to do to people who are under the influence and vulnerable. 

-Holy shit. Who knew being in charge of large organization would be so fucking hard?? and stressful??? I hated my board. They were all white. No offense, but all offense. I could not relate to them no matter how hard I tried and no matter how hard I restricted my personality to line with theirs. They were mean. and bullies. and clique-y. And I had to deal with that alone (but I had amazing people who I could rant to and helped me) but damn I CRIED A LOT because of this. I felt like the worst president ever because everyone was so miserable, including myself. I know I tried my damned hardest though, but I am still disappointed in myself. Working with so many people who have different personalities and preferences, wants, desires, attitudes, is TUFF. 

-Loved my other org tho. I could relate to them so much more! They were all minorities like me, so I didn’t feel like I had to restrict myself and my personality. I wish I took a larger role like VP, but I passed it up because of the other org. Big mistake looking back. This org should’ve been my priority. 

-Save the family drama for ya mama. My dad basically cheated on my mom lol. And brawling with my sister. While I’m 3 hours away. And my bother keeping quiet in his room. I hate how my family will never take accountability for their wrongdoings and will always brush every damn thing under the rug to save face. “oh he has done so much for you, so much for your family” stfu with that bullshit. Just because you do good things, does not mean you are a good person. Does not negate other things you do. And it sure damn well does not excuse your behavior. Awful and I had to bullshit for my graduation and play good daughter while he faked apologized. This will never be forgotten. Or even forgiven. But I should forgive right? Idk.

-Also did not take my MCAT again. Blamed it on my hectic schedule (17 hours, 2 officer positions, and family conflicts), so I would say those are pretty good excuses tbh). I dropped a class because I was lazy and did not do the work and did not want to get a bad grade in my last year. 

-Really lost my faith this year...and still trying to regain it to this day. Although it has improved (See 2022). I stopped going to church this year. Didn’t even try to go one last time before I left town. I regret that. It was a beautiful church with beautiful music. 

-AND HOW COULD I FORGET??? I WENT TO EUROPE!!!! I was able to fund it through scholarships and my aunt thank her and god bless her she gave me my graduation gift in advance <3 It was the most awesome experience. I went with a close friend (still friends to this day how shocking!) and with a group that I got really close to...again I self sabotaged these relationships and do not talk to them anymore and that is something I deeply regret. I hope to reach out one day, but if I am being honest, it won’t be anytime soon. I feel like I have to accomplish something first, have something to show for- before I can dig myself out of the hole I dug myself in.

-Seguing into that... I ghosted one of my good friends. She tried to each out to me over and over again for years. Every time she sent me a message, my heart would drop, but I never did anything. But stopped in 2020. This is one of the biggest regrets and mistakes I have ever made. And I still don’t have the courage to contact her. I really hate myself sometimes. God has really put beautiful and kind hearted souls in my life and I just ruined those relationships. I will contact her one day. I will apologize for my behavior and hope one day she can forgive me. But until then, I hope she’s doing well (I still follow her on instagram and she's in a professional school program and I am so proud of her!). She really cared for me so much to continue to contact me after so many years. I am a piece of shit. 

-Speaking of ghosting...I ghosted so many people after I graduated. Just stopped texting them back. Stopped responding. Some (one) were deserved. And most (all) were not deserved. Honestly, they don’t deserve a shitty person like my in their life anyways...so good riddance I guess...but I let a lot of good people go....and I will always have to live with that guilt and shame. I hope one day, I can reach out, but if I am being honest..I don’t know when I will be able to. Maybe when I am successful, but it sounds like another excuse to me...  

-I was really depressed....its not an excuse for my behavior. My family life was shit. I had just lost my independence and moved back home. I did not take my MCAT or applied to medical school so I had to take a gap year. I did not have a job. AND my parents were charging me rent! LIKE WTF. My life felt like the crapper and I just completely shut down and withdrew and isolated myself (a common theme in my life that I am trying to actively do better). Im sure this is a trauma response tbh. 

-Things started to do better by maybe July? I did text my friend. But she was on a trip and her phone did not work. So I stopped trying and missed her graduation (I’m shit I know.). But I started a new job. Two actually. 

-Then...I met someone. A perfectly silly innocent friendship at first. and it evolved into something much more significant. but not until late 2019-2020 so I am getting ahead of myself.

-Met some awesome superiors that I worked with and really loved. 

-Took physics in the fall 

2019

-Honestly first half of the year wasn’t really that significant, I worked a lot and met great superiors 

-Became obsessed (hyper-fixated) with little things like BSB (omg I saw them in 2022!!!!!) NSYNC, Britney Spears (amazing news in 2022 btw). 

-Maybe biggest thing is the coworker I met, we became closer this year. Hung out “officially” in April and she said I guess you're my real friend now. silly girl. She pregamed in a parking lot. That was a first for me. But it was a really fun night!! 

-won my first mahjong game. girl was shook. she taught me. it also fell everywhere when we tried to play at where I worked. was very embarrassing. 

-Did not take my mcat AGAIN. (Another reoccurring theme). So another gap year it is. My motivation is really starting to dip here but tbh I think it started junior year. Feeling burnt out, loss of motivation and drive. and extreme laziness. or was it adhd???? tried to study for mcat. was not consistent. did not take.

-Started talking to coworker A LOT. like this girl wouldn't leave me alone she just wanted to hang out and bother me all the time and I guess I was flattered, but in hindsight she was also probably in love with me ;p she said it was because she wanted a new friend but im like sureeeee. what's with me and my girl friends being in love with me?? like chill (totally joking but not really cuz 3 people so far, but only 1 confirmation HAHA)

-My grandma stole a kitten from a homeless cat

-coworker and I literally talked all the day every day basically in august. when she started her masters. I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know why I was so interested in talking with her. but I was gonna and soon. 

-girl kept inviting me to do things with her and her friends. Honestly it was really fun! her friends are crackheads LOL. Tbh I wish I made a bigger effort in becoming friends with them too, but I was only there bc of girl. we went out of town for her friends birthday to drink and we bonded a lot because I made her take a lot of Henry shots and then we both got really drunk and wanted to run. her friends had to take care of us and we both threw up simultaneously when we got back to air bnb <3 how cute. then I fell asleep on the toilet because I couldn't take off my contacts (I had hoe ass nails on) and I blacked out until like 6am. funny times. 

-girl and I hung out a lot. We went back to college for football game with my sister and her friends. we held hands when we were drunk. she tried to cuddle me but it was accidentally my sister LOL. She was like “well that makes sense”. we bonded a lot. she was literally obsessed with my “small” hands. (should've been a tall tale sign tbh)

-we smoked together for the first time. it was really fun experience too. I scared her and almost peed myself. 

-she introduced me to my FIRST MUSICAL!!! We saw Dear Evan Hansen. It was awesome and definitely a core memory. I accidentally brought my fanny pack and she had to run to put it back in my car (great stamina btw she was a former runner okkkkkk). Also spoiler alert- she said this is when she realized she had a crush on me bc she had been denying it. I still didn’t know the feelings I felt for her was romantic yet. 

-ROADTRIPPED WITH MY SISTER! Great bonding experience but we did argue A LOT LOL. we drove for 17 hours STRAIGHT. I did not want to stop because I was impatient. stupid me. I hallucinated during a rainstorm at 3AM LOL. very dangerous. Would not recommend. Would also not do this without a bedtime break if I did it again. Got a beautiful 14k bracelet from a thrift store that I still wear today :) This was such a fun experience and I would like to do it again. and I can't believe I haven't! 

-went out of town to visit family for the holidays! got stuck in 3 hour traffic bc of snow storm trying to go ski. Rewatched all of sailor moon episodes and definitely hyper-fixated on this. then we went to another state and it was fun!!! but stayed in the most ratchet hotel. but it was nice overall and very good memories.

-girl texted me a lot, wanted me to go out with her after Christmas w/ her friends, but I was still out of town. she said I had normal hands as Christmas gift and gave me a fan T_T I still have it and use it to this day. (I like to bring fans to the club and bars cuz its hot and im smart)

2020

-girls birthday was fun! we ate with her friends and went karaoke. She was definitely super flirty HAHA

-visited my college friend for her bday (love her and Im so glad I was able to keep and maintain a friendship with her). she's the best. 

-We saw Craig Robinson (we both agree this was our first date even though we never said it to each other at this time). it was awesome! I tried to be cute and we ate sushi and she bought our meal (im getting emotional u will know why in 2022). then we went karaoke-ing because she didn’t want it to be over 

-we got crossfaded basically on this one eventful day. we kissed for the first time. my first kiss. WAS WITH A GIRL?????? Crazy I know. If you had told me that in 2016 I would have laughed. I LIKE GIRLS??? That had never crossed my mind. until her. I like her. just her. but I never had an internal sexual crisis. I didn’t hate myself for liking her, although I was still scared and concerned with what it meant for our future, family, friends, etc. it was really interesting that everything I thought I knew or wanted..was thrown out the window because of her. life crazy.

-from then on girl and I basically were dating but not really since we didn't define it yet but we still say that day was our anniversary :) we didn’t dtr until like may when she decided she wanted to continue pursuing whatever this was with me, but the sad thing was....we both agreed it would be temporary since we were at a standstill in our life--career wise. and that we both had no intention of coming out or seeing this long term. I was willing, however, to come out for her. but she was not. this would lead to our demise. see 2022. red flags early on tbh. we broke up in the summer LOL. but due to comp het. and she struggled a lot with her feelings. she never felt so strongly for someone but was so scared with how it would affect her relationship with her family. they are very catholic. but we got back together lol. but it will always be a point of conflict that never gets resolved.

-also did not take my mcat again T_T I blamed covid. but tbh I know it was because I fell in love for the first time and could not focus on anything else. my mom was right... isn’t it funny how moms are always right? she told me to not fall in love until my studies were over because it would distract me and I scoffed but now I agreed she was right all along LOL. I mean I guess she knew from experience because her falling in love caused her to drop out of HS LOL.

-BRO COVID 2020 HAPPENED WTF LIFE WAS CRAZY. It was simultaneously AWESOME AND AWFUL. For the lives that were taken. but also oddly..the tranquility of it. no signs of life anywhere. it was peaceful. but also morbid because so many people were dying, hospitals were overfilled, health care workers were overworked. bodies everywhere and no where at the same time. crazy to think about. holy crap it was like and STILL is like a fever dream.

-I basically hung out with girl like every day since her mom worked. I had excuses to leave and hung out with her for hours EVERY DAY. we became inseparable. it was like we both retired and just lived a very tranquil and retired life. it was beautiful. It was peaceful. it was home. I miss it so much. but it was a really impactful significant time for us. we went to amusement parks, coordinated halloween outfits, tried lots of new foods, shows, and really got to know each other deeply. it was something I have never known, but am so thankful that I had got to experience something so beautiful with her. 

-the year came and went. girl and I were deeply in love. in June, she said she thought she loved me but we didnt really exchange I love you’s until I said it in august. 6 months after dating. it was truly blissful. I had never loved someone like I loved her in all my years. makes me question all the little crushes I've had before. I dont think I actually liked someone until she came along. I never actively tried to pursue or liked anyone more than idealizing them in my head. 

-we had our first trip together in another city. it was really nice. but my cold sore ruined it lol. but other than that it was sweet and memorable. we cooked and watched movies and I really loved sleeping next to her.

-for some, 2020 was the worst year imaginable. for me, it was one of the best because I fell in love. I thank God that I did not experience any losses due to COVID, but a lot of people and their families weren't as lucky, and I am aware of that privilege. So many people lost family members and loved ones due to the disease. we didn’t do enough to prevent the spread until it was too late. it was unprecedented times. nothing we had prepared could’ve prepared us for what happened this year. very conflicting emotions for me. I feel guilty that I see this time so fondly, while others see it as the worst and heart wrenching times. 

2021

-I started work again I think in like march or April

-girl quit because she was going to graduate from her school program soon and do an externship 

-RESCUED A DOG!!!! turns out he's batshit psycho crazy bitch with no bite inhibition but I love him to pieces. everyone in my family are now blood bonded in a different sense and my dad is none the wiser 

-we traveled out of the city for our first big trip together. I love how detailed and a planner she is because I am not one of those. we need one of those in our lives. it was awesome and amazing. but we did argue. I was on my period. my emotions were bad. I really needed to learn how to regulate my emotions and I did not know how to, so I lashed out a lot. this had a role in our demise.  but the trip was one of my first with someone else and it was so memorable and amazing and I wish I could relive it. 

-we cried a lot before she left for her externship because we didn’t know if it was permanent and the end of our relationship. I visited her a couple times and it was really nice, like a mini vacation. however we were basically inseparable for 1-1.5 years so it was really difficult to adjust to. her friends did not know she was in a relationship so she would always choose them first. (from my pov). I felt like she would only talk to me if it was convenient for her. we broke up again in towards the end of the summer. 2nd time. because she prioritized her friend, when it was my birthday. I wanted to spend time with her but she wanted to go to see a concert. I was very hurt. she said we could hang out the day after the concert, but she failed to see why I was so hurt. 

-she graduated. we reconciled (we broke up but like not really tbh). we got back together in august. and had a really awful awful argument. again with me feeling undervalued and not prioritized. we made up and reconciled...but the things I said really stayed with her and I don’t think we truly recovered from this argument. 

-didnt take my mcat again......how many years now? I was having an internal crisis. is this what I want to do? am I cut out for it? am I smart enough for it?

-met up with college friends and talked about this. drove home at 2am. it was great to see them. 

-tried jollibee for the first time this shit amazing and this sushi place fancy WAS SO GOOD. we went to this life changing concert that was like a party/rave for 2 hours. people are sleeping on this artist and I did too for a long time. never again. I am a bonefide fan.

-HOLY SHIT HOW DID I FORGET. I MOVED OUT THIS YEAR. WITH MY SISTER. INTO AN AMAZING OLD PEOPLE COMPLEX! for a great deal WITH A GARAGE. such a big mllestone! 

2022

-GUESS WHAT I FINALLY TOOK MY MCAT. but voided because I didnt finish a section and a half. BUT I FUCKING DID IT. AFTER 6 YEARS. I DID IT. will have to retake and have to start restudying so......yea

-worse year of my life so far

-went to Vegas. saw a residency. best ever. went to Disney this year as well. fucking amazing. how did I travel so much for being a broke whore? lots of credit card debt. holy shit. so much debt. basically like a student loan. yikes. working on bringing that down......but I am a shopping addict 

-girl and I broke up. right before my test. its been shitty. 4 months have gone by. I am still trying to heal. we did not decide to do no contact, she says she's no longer in love with me, attracted to me, or see a future with me- but I call cap. if im being delusional then let me be delusional. thats what tik tok says. I respect her space and her decision though. im delusional on my own. we broke up 2.5 years into relationship. I was and still am devastated. I feel like she moved on so quickly and became ok so quickly. it made me question her love for me and the significance of our relationship. I was her first long term relationship, shouldn't she mourn more than she has? but I dont know what's going on her her head, maybe she's suffering just as much as I am. but she doesn’t show it. I wish she did so I knew we were hurting the same. so I knew we were real. but now that I am healed a lot... I know she loved me. deeply too. and im sad things did not work out the way I intended it, but it was a self fulfilling prophecy waiting to happen. you dont start a relationship with the mindset that it is temporary. it’ll just fuck you up. she grew detached and I clung on harder. I was really angry and bitter for a long time. but now I understand why this was needed. without this breakup, I wouldn't have learned I had anxious attachment style. I am learning a lot about myself. my role in the breakup. how I could do things differently. my faith grew a lot. I leaned on God a lot. and it’s sad to say that I only leaned on him when I needed it the most. but im trying to continually work on my journey with my faith. I dont think I identify with the catholic church and teachings anymore. I dont go to church. I just pray. and thank god for the blessings and the non blessings that are probably blessings in disguised. this break up was needed. I know that now. I just wish she was still in my life like she was.... I still struggle with it every day. someone who was so intertwined with my life...is a stranger now....im trying really hard to adjust to this new reality and accept it. overall I am ok. I am doing better. im proud of myself and how much growth and work I have been doing, but I still have a lot more to do. I have to work on my laziness, my drive, motivation, and how I respond to things when im heated. I’d say my relationship with God now has been the best its been in a long time...and that makes me really happy. I have been wanting to improve my relationship with him for a long time. The one thing I have realized is God is hope. im sure I've realized this before, but tbh I lost hope for a long time. the world is getting worse. my life was shit. but even when its happy or sad, that hope is what keeps us moving on and wanting to do better for ourselves. idk if this even makes sense. im just rambling because I have to walk my dog but want to finish this first. 

-I love my mommy. my sister. my brother. my friends. the girl. I want to try harder for them. for myself. because I know I am meant to do great things

-I retake my test next year. I get a 517+ on my mcat. I volunteer. I get amazing LOR. I apply to medical school EARLY. I get lots of interview invites. and I matriculate in medical school in 2024. these are my goals. I will succeed. I am trying to put myself in a better mindset, stop being negative, and open myself up to the limitless possibilities of what can happen. 

“I don’t chase, I attract. What belongs to me will simply find me”

Honestly, I thought this was stupid, but now I actually believe in it. Your mindset can really change so much of how you feel and what can happen. And with God on my side, I really do feel so optimistic and happy about my life and my future. 

Thank you God. 

-oh I also read more and do yoga, this shit helps a lot

-also im addicted to shopping and Tik Tok -- have to work on this 

-also my style has improved so much. obsessed with designer vintage bags atm. discovered Aritzia and went buck fucking wild. 

-I WENT TO SO MANY CONCERTS THIS YEAR AND IT WAS AMAZING AND I LOVE IT AND WILL CONTINUE TO GO TO AS MANY AS I CAN AND COLLECT ALL THE MERCH. Did not get tickets to tswift bc I dont really care for her lol

-and I love my body and I love myself and I have never been more confident in who I am as a person. life is good even though im struggling a lot sometimes mentally because breakup and also dealing with self motivation/depression. 

-Also I reconnected with my friend after ghosting her for a year. I love her. she forgave me and its like no time has passed. I am so thankful for the people god has put in my life. I just need to be more mindful and try harder to maintain these relationships. I told her I was happy and you know what....overall... I think I am. just like girl is when she said she's happy. trying to take things as face value tbh. but I like to be delusional sometimes 

-I hope that girl and I can learn to be friends ago. she's too important to me not to be in my life. and she agrees as well. so I guess we will see where this goes. and I hope we both continue to put effort into maintaining a friendship...

-Also side note, I have been working n this post for like the 2 hours. I wish I was this invested in my studies LOL. My spelling and grammar got progressively worse. And now that im done, it sounds more like a love diary. but she was a big part of my life for a long time, so its understandable.

Till next time. hope I dont cringe when I read this over cuz I definitely cringed when I read my past posts. probably will. its inevitable haha 

[newssplashy]

Opinion: The iGen Shift: Colleges must change to reach the next generation

They are, of course, superconnected. But on their terms. Which is why college-bound iGens (Gen Zers, if you prefer) present a challenge to the grown-ups on campus eager to reach and teach them.

Consider orientation season. Katie Sermersheim, dean of students at Purdue University, has a mother lode of information and resources to share (including wellness initiatives and a new mindfulness room). But getting iGen’s attention?

“It can be frustrating slash extra challenging to figure out how to get the word out, whatever that word is,” Sermersheim said. “I do get discouraged.”

A generation that rarely reads books or emails, breathes through social media, feels isolated and stressed but is crazy driven and wants to solve the world’s problems (not just volunteer) is now on campus. Born from 1995 to 2012, its members are the most ethnically diverse generation in history, said Jean Twenge, psychology professor at San Diego State University.

They began arriving at colleges a few years ago, and they are exerting their presence. They are driving shifts, subtle and not, in how colleges serve, guide and educate them, sending presidents and deans to Instagram and Twitter.

They are forcing course makeovers, spurring increased investments in mental health — from more counselors and wellness messages to campaigns drawing students to nature (hug a tree, take a break to look at insects) — and pushing academics to be more hands-on and job-relevant.

They are a frugal but ambitious lot, less excited by climbing walls and en suite kitchens than by career development.

Most critically, they expect to be treated as individuals. Students raised amid the tailored analytics of online retailers or college recruiters presume that anything put in front of them is customized for them, said Thomas Golden of Capture Higher Ed, a Lexington, Kentucky, data firm. He sees group designations evolving into “segments of one.”

Students want to navigate campus life, getting food or help, when it is convenient for them. And, yes, on their mobile devices or phones. “It’s not really technology to them,” said Cory Tressler, associate director of learning programs at Ohio State University, noting that the iPhone came out when most were in grade school.

It is why Ohio State this year, rather than battle device use, issued iPads to 11,000 incoming students. The school designated 42 fall courses “iPad required” (21 more will be added in the spring) and is building an app that in addition to maps and bus routes has a course planner, grades, schedules and a Get Involved feature displaying student organizations.

In the works is more customization, so when students open the app it knows which campus they are enrolled at, their major and which student groups they belong to.

Speaking to students on their terms just makes sense, said Nicole Kraft, a journalism professor at Ohio State who takes attendance via Twitter (she has separate hashtags for each of her three courses). She posts assignments on Slack, an app used in many workplaces. And she holds office hours at 10 p.m. via the video conference site Zoom, “because that is when they have questions.”

Kraft does not use email for class, except to teach students how to write a “proper” one. “That is a skill they need to have,” she said.

While these students are called “digital natives,” they still must be taught how to use devices and apps for academic purposes, Kraft said. She’s had students not know that they could use Microsoft Word on an iPad. “We make a lot of assumptions about what they know how to do.”

Campuses have been slow to recognize that this age group is not millennials, version 2.0.

“IGen has a different flavor,” said Twenge of San Diego State University and author of “iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy — and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood — and What That Means for the Rest of Us.”

It is tricky to define a large part of the population. But Twenge said big data sets revealed broad psychological patterns shared by those coming of age amid defining social, cultural and economic events.

The difference between growing up in the prosperous 1990s versus seeing family members lose jobs and homes during the 2008 recession alters one’s perspective, she said. It is why iGens are so focused on debt and insist they get skills and experiences that will lead to a career.

The prevalence of school shootings and domestic terrorism has also shaped them.

“This generation defies the stereotypes of young adults,” in terms of risk-taking, Twenge said. They are “more receptive to messages around safety” and less eager to get driver’s licenses, and they come to college “with much less experience with sex and alcohol.”

They are also more cautious when it comes to academics, fear failure and have learning preferences distinct from millennials, said Corey Seemiller, professor at Wright State University and co-author of “Generation Z Goes to College,” who queried 1,200 students on 50 campuses.

“They do not like to learn in groups,” favor videos over static content and like to think about information, then be walked through it to be certain they have it right.

“They want a model” and then to practice, said Seemiller, who posts samples when assigning a paper. “I’ll say, ‘Let’s look through them and see what works.'” Having grown up with public successes and failures online, she said, students are hungry to have a big impact, yet “worry they will not live up to that expectation.”

And despite their digital obsession, Seemiller’s research shows this generation favors visual, face-to-face communication over texting. They are not always good at live social interaction, but they crave it. “They want authenticity and transparency,” she said. “They like the idea of human beings being behind things.”

As a generation that “has been sold a lot of stuff,” said Seemiller, iGens are shrewd consumers of the tone and quality of communication. That’s pushing colleges to focus not only on what they say but also how they say it.

Which is what orientation leaders and staffers in Princeton’s office of the dean of undergraduate students — known on social media as ODUS — have tried to master in the way they welcome the Class of 2022.

A brainstorming session in March generated what became a Princetified cover of Taylor Swift’s “22,” a video with orientation leaders and ODUS staff members as extras, a cappella groups singing the score and Nicolas Chae, a sophomore, directing.

Cody Babineaux, an incoming freshman from Lafayette, Louisiana, whose video of his acceptance to Princeton has 4.6 million Twitter views, appreciated it, especially the Harvard shirt sniffed and tossed out in the first 20 seconds. “It was hilarious,” he said. “It didn’t try too hard.”

Getting student attention and keeping it matters to administrators trying to build excitement for campus events but also in prodding students about housing contracts and honor codes. “We are an office that enforces university standards. We can’t be firing off,” said Thomas Dunne, deputy dean of undergraduate students. “But you have to be animated and human-sounding. Our voice is very personal.”

ODUS has become an active presence on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter with a vibe that winks, pokes, weaves in memes and slang terms like BAE (before anyone else) and on fleek (flawlessly styled), and applies hashtags with wit (a free ice cream for dropping by the ODUS office with dance moves worthy of Dean Dunne? #GetServed, #GameOfCones).

Dunne, whose Facebook page began as a student prank without his knowledge more than a decade ago, leans on staff members who include 20-somethings. One, Ian Deas, who favors Snapchat, identifies student “influencers,” following them on Facebook and Instagram.

In posts, he looks for “those trendy phrases that help us stay in the conversation.” When ODUS staff members respond to student posts, it amplifies their reach. “When we are being interactive, our stuff pops up in other people’s feeds” and drives curiosity about “who is behind the voice.”

Being social on social media attracts students who might tune out official communication. Babineaux said he and his friends noted when college posts sounded “goofy” or “like your grandfather trying to say swag.”

He also notices that his generation is criticized “because we are always on our phones,” which gets interpreted as being disconnected. In fact, he said, “we just have more connection with everyone all the time.”

It is also how students like Babineaux learn and get information.

“Social media has helped me get a lot more prepared for Princeton,” he said, adding that he has scrolled through old posts of campus (“I have never seen snow”) and watched videos, including of graduation. “I thought, ‘That will be on my Instagram page in four years.'”

——From Nature to Instagram

By Laura Pappano

Innovative ways that some colleges and universities are engaging their iGen students.

GET DOWN WITH NATURE

At Wellesley College, Suzanne Langridge, director of the new Paulson Ecology of Place Initiative, invited students to look at insects and to adopt trees. Students need technology, but Langridge wants them to “connect more deeply to each other and to a sense of place.”

PHOTOS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN

So what if the college president hauls boxes on the day freshmen move in? Without images, it’s a rumor. Which is why John Swallow, president of Carthage College in Kenosha, Wisconsin, will be dressed to help come Sept. 2. He’ll want pictures for his Instagram. He joined the site in September and runs it himself (with advice from his daughter). #picsoryoudontexist

MENTAL WELLNESS

Last fall, Ohio State University opened the Stress Management & Resiliency Training Lab. During 40-minute sessions, students learn mindfulness and deep-breathing techniques to lower anxiety while hooked up to a biofeedback monitor so “they can see in real time how their body reacts to reducing stress,” said Damon Drew, a graduate associate who helps run the lab.

TEACHING IGENS

Daniel Guberman of Purdue’s Center for Instructional Excellence has worked with colleagues to help professors revamp 400 courses to be more engaging, include video and choice for students to show what they know. College is no longer “about identifying the best students,” he said, but presuming “all of these students are here because they are capable of succeeding.”

TOOLS, NOT AMENITIES

The country club era is over as students are “more acutely aware of who is paying for that,” said Raymond Maggi, an architect who has built more than 20 student life projects on college campuses over the past decade. That means shared, fluid and public spaces for tutoring and meeting. Libraries need cafes, he said, and academic departments need lounges with “comfortable seats and cafe tables” with writable surfaces.

Laura Pappano © 2018 The New York Times

source http://www.newssplashy.com/2018/08/opinion-igen-shift-colleges-must-change_4.html

[newssplashy]

They are, of course, superconnected. But on their terms. Which is why college-bound iGens (Gen Zers, if you prefer) present a challenge to the grown-ups on campus eager to reach and teach them.

Consider orientation season. Katie Sermersheim, dean of students at Purdue University, has a mother lode of information and resources to share (including wellness initiatives and a new mindfulness room). But getting iGen’s attention?

“It can be frustrating slash extra challenging to figure out how to get the word out, whatever that word is,” Sermersheim said. “I do get discouraged.”

A generation that rarely reads books or emails, breathes through social media, feels isolated and stressed but is crazy driven and wants to solve the world’s problems (not just volunteer) is now on campus. Born from 1995 to 2012, its members are the most ethnically diverse generation in history, said Jean Twenge, psychology professor at San Diego State University.

They began arriving at colleges a few years ago, and they are exerting their presence. They are driving shifts, subtle and not, in how colleges serve, guide and educate them, sending presidents and deans to Instagram and Twitter.

They are forcing course makeovers, spurring increased investments in mental health — from more counselors and wellness messages to campaigns drawing students to nature (hug a tree, take a break to look at insects) — and pushing academics to be more hands-on and job-relevant.

They are a frugal but ambitious lot, less excited by climbing walls and en suite kitchens than by career development.

Most critically, they expect to be treated as individuals. Students raised amid the tailored analytics of online retailers or college recruiters presume that anything put in front of them is customized for them, said Thomas Golden of Capture Higher Ed, a Lexington, Kentucky, data firm. He sees group designations evolving into “segments of one.”

Students want to navigate campus life, getting food or help, when it is convenient for them. And, yes, on their mobile devices or phones. “It’s not really technology to them,” said Cory Tressler, associate director of learning programs at Ohio State University, noting that the iPhone came out when most were in grade school.

It is why Ohio State this year, rather than battle device use, issued iPads to 11,000 incoming students. The school designated 42 fall courses “iPad required” (21 more will be added in the spring) and is building an app that in addition to maps and bus routes has a course planner, grades, schedules and a Get Involved feature displaying student organizations.

In the works is more customization, so when students open the app it knows which campus they are enrolled at, their major and which student groups they belong to.

Speaking to students on their terms just makes sense, said Nicole Kraft, a journalism professor at Ohio State who takes attendance via Twitter (she has separate hashtags for each of her three courses). She posts assignments on Slack, an app used in many workplaces. And she holds office hours at 10 p.m. via the video conference site Zoom, “because that is when they have questions.”

Kraft does not use email for class, except to teach students how to write a “proper” one. “That is a skill they need to have,” she said.

While these students are called “digital natives,” they still must be taught how to use devices and apps for academic purposes, Kraft said. She’s had students not know that they could use Microsoft Word on an iPad. “We make a lot of assumptions about what they know how to do.”

Campuses have been slow to recognize that this age group is not millennials, version 2.0.

“IGen has a different flavor,” said Twenge of San Diego State University and author of “iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy — and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood — and What That Means for the Rest of Us.”

It is tricky to define a large part of the population. But Twenge said big data sets revealed broad psychological patterns shared by those coming of age amid defining social, cultural and economic events.

The difference between growing up in the prosperous 1990s versus seeing family members lose jobs and homes during the 2008 recession alters one’s perspective, she said. It is why iGens are so focused on debt and insist they get skills and experiences that will lead to a career.

The prevalence of school shootings and domestic terrorism has also shaped them.

“This generation defies the stereotypes of young adults,” in terms of risk-taking, Twenge said. They are “more receptive to messages around safety” and less eager to get driver’s licenses, and they come to college “with much less experience with sex and alcohol.”

They are also more cautious when it comes to academics, fear failure and have learning preferences distinct from millennials, said Corey Seemiller, professor at Wright State University and co-author of “Generation Z Goes to College,” who queried 1,200 students on 50 campuses.

“They do not like to learn in groups,” favor videos over static content and like to think about information, then be walked through it to be certain they have it right.

“They want a model” and then to practice, said Seemiller, who posts samples when assigning a paper. “I’ll say, ‘Let’s look through them and see what works.'” Having grown up with public successes and failures online, she said, students are hungry to have a big impact, yet “worry they will not live up to that expectation.”

And despite their digital obsession, Seemiller’s research shows this generation favors visual, face-to-face communication over texting. They are not always good at live social interaction, but they crave it. “They want authenticity and transparency,” she said. “They like the idea of human beings being behind things.”

As a generation that “has been sold a lot of stuff,” said Seemiller, iGens are shrewd consumers of the tone and quality of communication. That’s pushing colleges to focus not only on what they say but also how they say it.

Which is what orientation leaders and staffers in Princeton’s office of the dean of undergraduate students — known on social media as ODUS — have tried to master in the way they welcome the Class of 2022.

A brainstorming session in March generated what became a Princetified cover of Taylor Swift’s “22,” a video with orientation leaders and ODUS staff members as extras, a cappella groups singing the score and Nicolas Chae, a sophomore, directing.

Cody Babineaux, an incoming freshman from Lafayette, Louisiana, whose video of his acceptance to Princeton has 4.6 million Twitter views, appreciated it, especially the Harvard shirt sniffed and tossed out in the first 20 seconds. “It was hilarious,” he said. “It didn’t try too hard.”

Getting student attention and keeping it matters to administrators trying to build excitement for campus events but also in prodding students about housing contracts and honor codes. “We are an office that enforces university standards. We can’t be firing off,” said Thomas Dunne, deputy dean of undergraduate students. “But you have to be animated and human-sounding. Our voice is very personal.”

ODUS has become an active presence on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter with a vibe that winks, pokes, weaves in memes and slang terms like BAE (before anyone else) and on fleek (flawlessly styled), and applies hashtags with wit (a free ice cream for dropping by the ODUS office with dance moves worthy of Dean Dunne? #GetServed, #GameOfCones).

Dunne, whose Facebook page began as a student prank without his knowledge more than a decade ago, leans on staff members who include 20-somethings. One, Ian Deas, who favors Snapchat, identifies student “influencers,” following them on Facebook and Instagram.

In posts, he looks for “those trendy phrases that help us stay in the conversation.” When ODUS staff members respond to student posts, it amplifies their reach. “When we are being interactive, our stuff pops up in other people’s feeds” and drives curiosity about “who is behind the voice.”

Being social on social media attracts students who might tune out official communication. Babineaux said he and his friends noted when college posts sounded “goofy” or “like your grandfather trying to say swag.”

He also notices that his generation is criticized “because we are always on our phones,” which gets interpreted as being disconnected. In fact, he said, “we just have more connection with everyone all the time.”

It is also how students like Babineaux learn and get information.

“Social media has helped me get a lot more prepared for Princeton,” he said, adding that he has scrolled through old posts of campus (“I have never seen snow”) and watched videos, including of graduation. “I thought, ‘That will be on my Instagram page in four years.'”

——From Nature to Instagram

By Laura Pappano

Innovative ways that some colleges and universities are engaging their iGen students.

GET DOWN WITH NATURE

At Wellesley College, Suzanne Langridge, director of the new Paulson Ecology of Place Initiative, invited students to look at insects and to adopt trees. Students need technology, but Langridge wants them to “connect more deeply to each other and to a sense of place.”

PHOTOS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN

So what if the college president hauls boxes on the day freshmen move in? Without images, it’s a rumor. Which is why John Swallow, president of Carthage College in Kenosha, Wisconsin, will be dressed to help come Sept. 2. He’ll want pictures for his Instagram. He joined the site in September and runs it himself (with advice from his daughter). #picsoryoudontexist

MENTAL WELLNESS

Last fall, Ohio State University opened the Stress Management & Resiliency Training Lab. During 40-minute sessions, students learn mindfulness and deep-breathing techniques to lower anxiety while hooked up to a biofeedback monitor so “they can see in real time how their body reacts to reducing stress,” said Damon Drew, a graduate associate who helps run the lab.

TEACHING IGENS

Daniel Guberman of Purdue’s Center for Instructional Excellence has worked with colleagues to help professors revamp 400 courses to be more engaging, include video and choice for students to show what they know. College is no longer “about identifying the best students,” he said, but presuming “all of these students are here because they are capable of succeeding.”

TOOLS, NOT AMENITIES

The country club era is over as students are “more acutely aware of who is paying for that,” said Raymond Maggi, an architect who has built more than 20 student life projects on college campuses over the past decade. That means shared, fluid and public spaces for tutoring and meeting. Libraries need cafes, he said, and academic departments need lounges with “comfortable seats and cafe tables” with writable surfaces.

Laura Pappano © 2018 The New York Times

via NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News,Ghana News ,News,Entertainment,Hot Posts,sports In a Splash.

[newssplashy]

They are, of course, superconnected. But on their terms. Which is why college-bound iGens (Gen Zers, if you prefer) present a challenge to the grown-ups on campus eager to reach and teach them.

Consider orientation season. Katie Sermersheim, dean of students at Purdue University, has a mother lode of information and resources to share (including wellness initiatives and a new mindfulness room). But getting iGen’s attention?

“It can be frustrating slash extra challenging to figure out how to get the word out, whatever that word is,” Sermersheim said. “I do get discouraged.”

A generation that rarely reads books or emails, breathes through social media, feels isolated and stressed but is crazy driven and wants to solve the world’s problems (not just volunteer) is now on campus. Born from 1995 to 2012, its members are the most ethnically diverse generation in history, said Jean Twenge, psychology professor at San Diego State University.

They began arriving at colleges a few years ago, and they are exerting their presence. They are driving shifts, subtle and not, in how colleges serve, guide and educate them, sending presidents and deans to Instagram and Twitter.

They are forcing course makeovers, spurring increased investments in mental health — from more counselors and wellness messages to campaigns drawing students to nature (hug a tree, take a break to look at insects) — and pushing academics to be more hands-on and job-relevant.

They are a frugal but ambitious lot, less excited by climbing walls and en suite kitchens than by career development.

Most critically, they expect to be treated as individuals. Students raised amid the tailored analytics of online retailers or college recruiters presume that anything put in front of them is customized for them, said Thomas Golden of Capture Higher Ed, a Lexington, Kentucky, data firm. He sees group designations evolving into “segments of one.”

Students want to navigate campus life, getting food or help, when it is convenient for them. And, yes, on their mobile devices or phones. “It’s not really technology to them,” said Cory Tressler, associate director of learning programs at Ohio State University, noting that the iPhone came out when most were in grade school.

It is why Ohio State this year, rather than battle device use, issued iPads to 11,000 incoming students. The school designated 42 fall courses “iPad required” (21 more will be added in the spring) and is building an app that in addition to maps and bus routes has a course planner, grades, schedules and a Get Involved feature displaying student organizations.

In the works is more customization, so when students open the app it knows which campus they are enrolled at, their major and which student groups they belong to.

Speaking to students on their terms just makes sense, said Nicole Kraft, a journalism professor at Ohio State who takes attendance via Twitter (she has separate hashtags for each of her three courses). She posts assignments on Slack, an app used in many workplaces. And she holds office hours at 10 p.m. via the video conference site Zoom, “because that is when they have questions.”

Kraft does not use email for class, except to teach students how to write a “proper” one. “That is a skill they need to have,” she said.

While these students are called “digital natives,” they still must be taught how to use devices and apps for academic purposes, Kraft said. She’s had students not know that they could use Microsoft Word on an iPad. “We make a lot of assumptions about what they know how to do.”

Campuses have been slow to recognize that this age group is not millennials, version 2.0.

“IGen has a different flavor,” said Twenge of San Diego State University and author of “iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy — and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood — and What That Means for the Rest of Us.”

It is tricky to define a large part of the population. But Twenge said big data sets revealed broad psychological patterns shared by those coming of age amid defining social, cultural and economic events.

The difference between growing up in the prosperous 1990s versus seeing family members lose jobs and homes during the 2008 recession alters one’s perspective, she said. It is why iGens are so focused on debt and insist they get skills and experiences that will lead to a career.

The prevalence of school shootings and domestic terrorism has also shaped them.

“This generation defies the stereotypes of young adults,” in terms of risk-taking, Twenge said. They are “more receptive to messages around safety” and less eager to get driver’s licenses, and they come to college “with much less experience with sex and alcohol.”

They are also more cautious when it comes to academics, fear failure and have learning preferences distinct from millennials, said Corey Seemiller, professor at Wright State University and co-author of “Generation Z Goes to College,” who queried 1,200 students on 50 campuses.

“They do not like to learn in groups,” favor videos over static content and like to think about information, then be walked through it to be certain they have it right.

“They want a model” and then to practice, said Seemiller, who posts samples when assigning a paper. “I’ll say, ‘Let’s look through them and see what works.'” Having grown up with public successes and failures online, she said, students are hungry to have a big impact, yet “worry they will not live up to that expectation.”

And despite their digital obsession, Seemiller’s research shows this generation favors visual, face-to-face communication over texting. They are not always good at live social interaction, but they crave it. “They want authenticity and transparency,” she said. “They like the idea of human beings being behind things.”

As a generation that “has been sold a lot of stuff,” said Seemiller, iGens are shrewd consumers of the tone and quality of communication. That’s pushing colleges to focus not only on what they say but also how they say it.

Which is what orientation leaders and staffers in Princeton’s office of the dean of undergraduate students — known on social media as ODUS — have tried to master in the way they welcome the Class of 2022.

A brainstorming session in March generated what became a Princetified cover of Taylor Swift’s “22,” a video with orientation leaders and ODUS staff members as extras, a cappella groups singing the score and Nicolas Chae, a sophomore, directing.

Cody Babineaux, an incoming freshman from Lafayette, Louisiana, whose video of his acceptance to Princeton has 4.6 million Twitter views, appreciated it, especially the Harvard shirt sniffed and tossed out in the first 20 seconds. “It was hilarious,” he said. “It didn’t try too hard.”

Getting student attention and keeping it matters to administrators trying to build excitement for campus events but also in prodding students about housing contracts and honor codes. “We are an office that enforces university standards. We can’t be firing off,” said Thomas Dunne, deputy dean of undergraduate students. “But you have to be animated and human-sounding. Our voice is very personal.”

ODUS has become an active presence on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter with a vibe that winks, pokes, weaves in memes and slang terms like BAE (before anyone else) and on fleek (flawlessly styled), and applies hashtags with wit (a free ice cream for dropping by the ODUS office with dance moves worthy of Dean Dunne? #GetServed, #GameOfCones).

Dunne, whose Facebook page began as a student prank without his knowledge more than a decade ago, leans on staff members who include 20-somethings. One, Ian Deas, who favors Snapchat, identifies student “influencers,” following them on Facebook and Instagram.

In posts, he looks for “those trendy phrases that help us stay in the conversation.” When ODUS staff members respond to student posts, it amplifies their reach. “When we are being interactive, our stuff pops up in other people’s feeds” and drives curiosity about “who is behind the voice.”

Being social on social media attracts students who might tune out official communication. Babineaux said he and his friends noted when college posts sounded “goofy” or “like your grandfather trying to say swag.”

He also notices that his generation is criticized “because we are always on our phones,” which gets interpreted as being disconnected. In fact, he said, “we just have more connection with everyone all the time.”

It is also how students like Babineaux learn and get information.

“Social media has helped me get a lot more prepared for Princeton,” he said, adding that he has scrolled through old posts of campus (“I have never seen snow”) and watched videos, including of graduation. “I thought, ‘That will be on my Instagram page in four years.'”

——From Nature to Instagram

By Laura Pappano

Innovative ways that some colleges and universities are engaging their iGen students.

GET DOWN WITH NATURE

At Wellesley College, Suzanne Langridge, director of the new Paulson Ecology of Place Initiative, invited students to look at insects and to adopt trees. Students need technology, but Langridge wants them to “connect more deeply to each other and to a sense of place.”

PHOTOS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN

So what if the college president hauls boxes on the day freshmen move in? Without images, it’s a rumor. Which is why John Swallow, president of Carthage College in Kenosha, Wisconsin, will be dressed to help come Sept. 2. He’ll want pictures for his Instagram. He joined the site in September and runs it himself (with advice from his daughter). #picsoryoudontexist

MENTAL WELLNESS

Last fall, Ohio State University opened the Stress Management & Resiliency Training Lab. During 40-minute sessions, students learn mindfulness and deep-breathing techniques to lower anxiety while hooked up to a biofeedback monitor so “they can see in real time how their body reacts to reducing stress,” said Damon Drew, a graduate associate who helps run the lab.

TEACHING IGENS

Daniel Guberman of Purdue’s Center for Instructional Excellence has worked with colleagues to help professors revamp 400 courses to be more engaging, include video and choice for students to show what they know. College is no longer “about identifying the best students,” he said, but presuming “all of these students are here because they are capable of succeeding.”

TOOLS, NOT AMENITIES

The country club era is over as students are “more acutely aware of who is paying for that,” said Raymond Maggi, an architect who has built more than 20 student life projects on college campuses over the past decade. That means shared, fluid and public spaces for tutoring and meeting. Libraries need cafes, he said, and academic departments need lounges with “comfortable seats and cafe tables” with writable surfaces.

Laura Pappano © 2018 The New York Times

via NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News,Ghana News ,News,Entertainment,Hot Posts,sports In a Splash.

[newssplashy]

Opinion: The iGen Shift: Colleges must change to reach the next generation

They are, of course, superconnected. But on their terms. Which is why college-bound iGens (Gen Zers, if you prefer) present a challenge to the grown-ups on campus eager to reach and teach them.

Consider orientation season. Katie Sermersheim, dean of students at Purdue University, has a mother lode of information and resources to share (including wellness initiatives and a new mindfulness room). But getting iGen’s attention?

“It can be frustrating slash extra challenging to figure out how to get the word out, whatever that word is,” Sermersheim said. “I do get discouraged.”

A generation that rarely reads books or emails, breathes through social media, feels isolated and stressed but is crazy driven and wants to solve the world’s problems (not just volunteer) is now on campus. Born from 1995 to 2012, its members are the most ethnically diverse generation in history, said Jean Twenge, psychology professor at San Diego State University.

They began arriving at colleges a few years ago, and they are exerting their presence. They are driving shifts, subtle and not, in how colleges serve, guide and educate them, sending presidents and deans to Instagram and Twitter.

They are forcing course makeovers, spurring increased investments in mental health — from more counselors and wellness messages to campaigns drawing students to nature (hug a tree, take a break to look at insects) — and pushing academics to be more hands-on and job-relevant.

They are a frugal but ambitious lot, less excited by climbing walls and en suite kitchens than by career development.

Most critically, they expect to be treated as individuals. Students raised amid the tailored analytics of online retailers or college recruiters presume that anything put in front of them is customized for them, said Thomas Golden of Capture Higher Ed, a Lexington, Kentucky, data firm. He sees group designations evolving into “segments of one.”

Students want to navigate campus life, getting food or help, when it is convenient for them. And, yes, on their mobile devices or phones. “It’s not really technology to them,” said Cory Tressler, associate director of learning programs at Ohio State University, noting that the iPhone came out when most were in grade school.

It is why Ohio State this year, rather than battle device use, issued iPads to 11,000 incoming students. The school designated 42 fall courses “iPad required” (21 more will be added in the spring) and is building an app that in addition to maps and bus routes has a course planner, grades, schedules and a Get Involved feature displaying student organizations.

In the works is more customization, so when students open the app it knows which campus they are enrolled at, their major and which student groups they belong to.

Speaking to students on their terms just makes sense, said Nicole Kraft, a journalism professor at Ohio State who takes attendance via Twitter (she has separate hashtags for each of her three courses). She posts assignments on Slack, an app used in many workplaces. And she holds office hours at 10 p.m. via the video conference site Zoom, “because that is when they have questions.”

Kraft does not use email for class, except to teach students how to write a “proper” one. “That is a skill they need to have,” she said.

While these students are called “digital natives,” they still must be taught how to use devices and apps for academic purposes, Kraft said. She’s had students not know that they could use Microsoft Word on an iPad. “We make a lot of assumptions about what they know how to do.”

Campuses have been slow to recognize that this age group is not millennials, version 2.0.

“IGen has a different flavor,” said Twenge of San Diego State University and author of “iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy — and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood — and What That Means for the Rest of Us.”

It is tricky to define a large part of the population. But Twenge said big data sets revealed broad psychological patterns shared by those coming of age amid defining social, cultural and economic events.

The difference between growing up in the prosperous 1990s versus seeing family members lose jobs and homes during the 2008 recession alters one’s perspective, she said. It is why iGens are so focused on debt and insist they get skills and experiences that will lead to a career.

The prevalence of school shootings and domestic terrorism has also shaped them.

“This generation defies the stereotypes of young adults,” in terms of risk-taking, Twenge said. They are “more receptive to messages around safety” and less eager to get driver’s licenses, and they come to college “with much less experience with sex and alcohol.”

They are also more cautious when it comes to academics, fear failure and have learning preferences distinct from millennials, said Corey Seemiller, professor at Wright State University and co-author of “Generation Z Goes to College,” who queried 1,200 students on 50 campuses.

“They do not like to learn in groups,” favor videos over static content and like to think about information, then be walked through it to be certain they have it right.

“They want a model” and then to practice, said Seemiller, who posts samples when assigning a paper. “I’ll say, ‘Let’s look through them and see what works.'” Having grown up with public successes and failures online, she said, students are hungry to have a big impact, yet “worry they will not live up to that expectation.”

And despite their digital obsession, Seemiller’s research shows this generation favors visual, face-to-face communication over texting. They are not always good at live social interaction, but they crave it. “They want authenticity and transparency,” she said. “They like the idea of human beings being behind things.”

As a generation that “has been sold a lot of stuff,” said Seemiller, iGens are shrewd consumers of the tone and quality of communication. That’s pushing colleges to focus not only on what they say but also how they say it.

Which is what orientation leaders and staffers in Princeton’s office of the dean of undergraduate students — known on social media as ODUS — have tried to master in the way they welcome the Class of 2022.

A brainstorming session in March generated what became a Princetified cover of Taylor Swift’s “22,” a video with orientation leaders and ODUS staff members as extras, a cappella groups singing the score and Nicolas Chae, a sophomore, directing.

Cody Babineaux, an incoming freshman from Lafayette, Louisiana, whose video of his acceptance to Princeton has 4.6 million Twitter views, appreciated it, especially the Harvard shirt sniffed and tossed out in the first 20 seconds. “It was hilarious,” he said. “It didn’t try too hard.”

Getting student attention and keeping it matters to administrators trying to build excitement for campus events but also in prodding students about housing contracts and honor codes. “We are an office that enforces university standards. We can’t be firing off,” said Thomas Dunne, deputy dean of undergraduate students. “But you have to be animated and human-sounding. Our voice is very personal.”

ODUS has become an active presence on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter with a vibe that winks, pokes, weaves in memes and slang terms like BAE (before anyone else) and on fleek (flawlessly styled), and applies hashtags with wit (a free ice cream for dropping by the ODUS office with dance moves worthy of Dean Dunne? #GetServed, #GameOfCones).

Dunne, whose Facebook page began as a student prank without his knowledge more than a decade ago, leans on staff members who include 20-somethings. One, Ian Deas, who favors Snapchat, identifies student “influencers,” following them on Facebook and Instagram.

In posts, he looks for “those trendy phrases that help us stay in the conversation.” When ODUS staff members respond to student posts, it amplifies their reach. “When we are being interactive, our stuff pops up in other people’s feeds” and drives curiosity about “who is behind the voice.”

Being social on social media attracts students who might tune out official communication. Babineaux said he and his friends noted when college posts sounded “goofy” or “like your grandfather trying to say swag.”

He also notices that his generation is criticized “because we are always on our phones,” which gets interpreted as being disconnected. In fact, he said, “we just have more connection with everyone all the time.”

It is also how students like Babineaux learn and get information.

“Social media has helped me get a lot more prepared for Princeton,” he said, adding that he has scrolled through old posts of campus (“I have never seen snow”) and watched videos, including of graduation. “I thought, ‘That will be on my Instagram page in four years.'”

——From Nature to Instagram

By Laura Pappano

Innovative ways that some colleges and universities are engaging their iGen students.

GET DOWN WITH NATURE

At Wellesley College, Suzanne Langridge, director of the new Paulson Ecology of Place Initiative, invited students to look at insects and to adopt trees. Students need technology, but Langridge wants them to “connect more deeply to each other and to a sense of place.”

PHOTOS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN

So what if the college president hauls boxes on the day freshmen move in? Without images, it’s a rumor. Which is why John Swallow, president of Carthage College in Kenosha, Wisconsin, will be dressed to help come Sept. 2. He’ll want pictures for his Instagram. He joined the site in September and runs it himself (with advice from his daughter). #picsoryoudontexist

MENTAL WELLNESS

Last fall, Ohio State University opened the Stress Management & Resiliency Training Lab. During 40-minute sessions, students learn mindfulness and deep-breathing techniques to lower anxiety while hooked up to a biofeedback monitor so “they can see in real time how their body reacts to reducing stress,” said Damon Drew, a graduate associate who helps run the lab.

TEACHING IGENS

Daniel Guberman of Purdue’s Center for Instructional Excellence has worked with colleagues to help professors revamp 400 courses to be more engaging, include video and choice for students to show what they know. College is no longer “about identifying the best students,” he said, but presuming “all of these students are here because they are capable of succeeding.”

TOOLS, NOT AMENITIES

The country club era is over as students are “more acutely aware of who is paying for that,” said Raymond Maggi, an architect who has built more than 20 student life projects on college campuses over the past decade. That means shared, fluid and public spaces for tutoring and meeting. Libraries need cafes, he said, and academic departments need lounges with “comfortable seats and cafe tables” with writable surfaces.

Laura Pappano © 2018 The New York Times

source http://www.newssplashy.com/2018/08/opinion-igen-shift-colleges-must-change.html