#snape is trans and there’s nothing u can do about it

[yakkety-yak-art]

my brain is broken and even tho I hate jkr and as an adult don’t like most of the HP series I’ve been thinking of certain things I would’ve changed since it was my favorite (and first) book series I read as a little kid, and bcuz I couldn’t get it out of my head I sketched a quick snape, who I hate but in the way one might be disgusted by a gross but fascinating bug

[handledwithgloves]

new followers! here's what you need to know about me :

*disclaimer i am extremely proship, so i genuinely do not care what you do on your own time with your own ships and hcs, this is just my own personal opinions on my own personal blog!! fiction stays in fiction!!!

+ i am of age ! pls do not reach out to me if u r a minor !!!

+ safe space for lgbtq+ & poc friends , jkr stinks !!!

some things i may post:

mostly drarry / some romione (my top 2 fave ships --- i do ship others, mainly snape centric, but otherwise go ham)

pro dumbledore and snape (those my bbgs)

the malfoys and the blacks (family dynamics/angst is sooo good and rich with these two)

platonic snily brainrot (i could talk about them and their relationship forever, i love them both so much)

also like cursed child and hogwarts legacy (scorbus and sebinis)

prefer bottom harry teehee (in any of his ships, im not picky lol)

some things i dislike:

dramione and jegulus (i generally don't really ship draco with anyone but harry so...)

canon and fanon marauders (james's biggest hater, canon wolfstar ur on thin ice, fanon wolfstar ur dead to me)

strictly bottom draco malfoy (yawn boring! switch it up! give us something new!)

fanon stereotypical hyper-fem gay male characters (draco and sirius let me save youuu)

extras:

i don't like jkr but i do mostly stick to canon and i dont hate the epilogue oops (including cursed child)

mostly sfw , can be nsfw or suggestive

i do not draw nsfw , but i write it on ao3 ;) (minors dni)

+ sorry but strictly bottom/hyper-fem draco enthusiasts will be getting blocked - nothing personal, i just want to curate my own experience (does not apply trans!draco or fem!drarry)

i think thats it! might adjust later if things change, but if u want to unfollow or block me, no harm done !! ta!

[verystrxxwberry]

ALEXANDER, HELP ME, IM DYING-😭😭😭 my bestie just said to me: hear me out, and im like, "what kind of abomination is your crush now?" and im fr, after she told me she liked Adam(HH) wITHOUT THE MASK I thought nothing could be worst. spoiler, IT CAN💀 she's like, "no, is a ship" and i just go "fuck" (she's the kind of person who shipps TojixGojo) ... im just going to copy-paste our conversation in here:

(i love her but bitch you r crazyyy):

Lili: it's a Moonlight Lovers ship

Me: If this is your Ethan x Ivan again I'm gonna punch you

Lili: it is not, hear me out😭

Me: u don't deserve me hearing you out after your James Potter x Severus Snape bullshit of the other day reading marauder's fanfiction but ok

Lili: ok, i realized that Vlad is an interesting character

Me: what do you mean by interesting💀?

Lili: that he just is such a cutie patootie that can be shipped with anyone in the manor except Ivan☺️✨

Me: WHAT

Lili: like Rapha x Vlad is such a cute couple, or Aaron x Vlad. is like a safe place.

Me: u r mad af

Lili: no, pls. like, Ethan x Vlad is just right. they can heal each other!

Me: u said this exact shit a week ago during the HP marathon in the scene Hermione punched Draco. wich im tempted to do rn, but we are, sadly, online

Lili: and Beliath x Vlad is just the perfect enemies to lovers! or rivals to lovers, better said. is my (second) personal favorite

Me: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE A PERSONAL FAVORITE, THIS IS JUST INSANE😭😭😭

Lili: waittt, there is one more. THE one, with Vladiath. or the name is Belimir?

Me: NO💀 Lili, DON'T YOU Dare

Lili: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Me: d-o-n-t s-a-y i-t

Lili: my top tier: Neil x Vladimir

Me: WHYYYYYYYY, WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THISSS

Lili: but is just right 😭😭!

Me: make it have sense!!!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

Lili: it is not!!!

Me: ur parents shouldn't be ashamed of you being trans, they should be ashamed for this. u little fuck, whyyyy. just leave Vladimir alone!

Me: ur parents shouldn't be ashamed of you being trans, they should be ashamed for this. u little fuck, whyyyy. just leave Vladimir alone!

Lili: hsgajshkahsj, bitch🤣 ily, but i don't get how do you were chill after an actual conversion and mad about this

Me: I just have principles. My god, how crazy you are

Lili: Tumblr this to or verystrxxwberry! you'll see he'll have to agree with me on something.

Me: I swear if anyone in the entire world agrees with you on this I'll kill myself

anyways, she came over to my house and we're eating Nutella while i send this to you. you are both of us favorite's Moonlight lovers content creator, but my girl lili is just messed up in the head. (just joking, someday she'll be my bridesmaid,) it's awesome to be her friend, tho.

have a nice day, mah boi, and dON'T AGREE WITH THIS ATROCITY 💀💀💀💀.

You know, my heart did a giant backflip when I saw this giant message. Still, I am very glad I am very glad I am your fav ml content creator, that increases my ego 😎 (kidding but it makes me very happy to know!)

About ML ships... well, I genuinely believe that if we are talking about Vladimir, the healthiest ones would be with Raphael and Aaron. I never thought about the chance of Vladimir with Ethan or Beliath because they aren't his type at all, then Ivan is like the rebel kid on the mansion so.. no... but Neil 💀💀 I must confess he is my least liked character because I never ❗️ know❗️ what❗️to❗️write❗️for him❗️so my mind kinda deletes his presence most of the times. Still, it would be a very toxic ship if we dared to think abour Vladimir x Neil. If Vlad is already depressed, I think Neil would only drag him lower.

[theworldsoul]

Uhh warning VENT!!! Talks about self harm and shit... also religious bullshit and gender bullshit??? Like I'm really trans and also Catholicism really fucked me up so if ur uncomfy with that just... skip this post. Also if ur Christian and can't handle seeing ur shit defaced then skip this post. Also if ur gonna clown on this post as "cringe atheism" then fuck you because I'm literally coping with pain lol

:readmore:

Anways now that the disclaimer is over... here comes the real shit.

I... have been going through a LOT lately, jesus christ. I was HAPPY today, yknow? I thought I was gonna be happy the whole day.

I was dancing today. That's how happy I was. For the first time in like... a whole year... I was really so happy. I thought I was gonna cry. But then I got home. And well,,,, I did cry. But not from happiness. I just got my math grade back. A fucking 49 percent. MY AVERAGE RIGHT NOW IS A 57 PERCENT. I MIGHT FAIL MATH 20. I MIGHT HAVE TO RETAKE IT. oh my god I'm such a failure I cant do anything ever i try SO fucking hard but honestly??? I cant fucking do this. I can't, I'm not mentally capable. "Just work harder"... BITCH I AM WORKING AS HARD AS I CAN. I AM SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS OF MY LIFE STUDYING AND PRACTICING. I'm starting to think that how hard i try doesn't even fucking matter because I'm STUPID and all i know how to do is PAINT SHIT!!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT ART!!!! IF I FAIL THIS CLASS I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE IN THE FUTURE!!!! A HOUSE!!!!!

I dont even want to be a fucking orthodontist. Okay??? I wanna do what I love: painting. But NOOOO. I have to get a "respectable" job that will "pay me enough money to live". WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO LIVE??? WTF??? THATS LITERALLY SO FUCKED UP. everyone deserves to live (unless they like murdered someone? I guess? Idk) BUT LIKE I DIDNT KILL NO ONE SO WHATS ALL THIS BS ABOUT WORKING TO LIVE???? WTF??? I rly gotta do all this shit I hate, all this shit I'm mentally incapable of doing... so i can have a house. Fuck this. Yknow with my average at a 57... I might fail this class even if I get a really good grade on my next quiz. Can you fucking believe it??? I'm literally so fucking stupid I cant even pass a dumb fucking math class god i hate myself. I cant fail this class. I've NEVER failed a class. Almost failed... but never HAD TO RETAKE A CLASS. that's the ultimate failure. I think my parents would hate me if I failed this.

And on top of that... I'm really struggling with uhhh, dysphoria and body image... and it's so fucking horrible man I want to rip all my skin off I want to suffocate god I want to KILL him I want to MAKE HIM SUFFER. I want to gouge his eyes out and force him to eat them. WHY WOULD HE MAKE ME LIKE THIS????? WHY????? WHATS THE POINT IN MAKING A CHILD SUFFER SO MUCH???

What did I ever do that was so wrong I deserved all this punishment???

Well FUCK YOU and fuck your stupid book and FUCK THESE STUPID FUCKING SAINTS. WASNT THERE SUPPOSED TO BE A WHOLEASS ANGEL WATCHING OVER ME?? PROTECTING ME??? WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH NOW?? WHERE WAS THAT BITCH WHEN... when I was being bullied? When I literally wanted to kill myself?

Where was that guardian angel when I kept making THE SAME MISTAKE over and over again and I KNEW it was wrong but I kept doing it anyways because it was the only way I could feel like soemone cared about me????

I bet that angel motherufcker KNEW they didnt care. DID THE ANGEL EVER ONCE HELP ME??? NOOOO. all those times I was bruised and broken... all those times...

Man, I was just a kid. I was SO fucking young. And I would come like a lamb to the slaughter and kneel. I would pray... ask for guidance. I would pray the rosary too, I would read the bible and try my very best to understand it, I would go to church and volunteer at church and do my best to be a Good Boy and never sin. I did EVERYTHING right. I literally fasted at some point, like a religious fast. I was devoted...

Honestly though? I think it was the same mistake I make over and over again, except not with a real person.

And you have me NOTHING. GO GIRL, GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!! I literally used to self-punish for the sins I couldnt bring myself to confess. At my communion, there was one sin I didn't tell because I knew it was unforgivable. I still hate myself for that. But man, I used to try and do all sorts of things to somehow cleanse myself of it. I figured THAT whole ordeal was why I was constantly being tortured.

But I was stupid and I am stupid and that makes NO SENSE because if the thing I'm being punished for happened when I was a child, WHY DID THE PUNISHMENT BEGIN AT MY BIRTH????

They used to tell me that god handcrafted every part of me specifically for some sort of grand reason.

Why.

Really? This bitch really "handcrafted" me just so I could cry and cut myself nearly every night??? Fuck that. Like why would you make me this way. It hurts more than you can IMAGINE. The only reason I'm not dead yet is because of ME, MY strength, not any of the bullshit YOU gave me. I hate when people say "oh, god made u so hardworking" or "oh, god made you so passionate/hopeful/full of love/fiery/whatever" LIKE STFU BITCH THAT WAS NOT SKYDADDY THAT WAS ME!!!

you wanna know what he made me?

dysphoric, ugly af, yeah.... but the worst part?

He made me feel.

That doesn't sound bad, right? Well it's the worst thing on the list. It is my downfall, my Achilles heel or whatever. This emotions shit??? It RUINED my life. My whole life I was cursed with a fucking monster inside me. I kept trying to tell everyone that it wasnt me!!! I kept telling them that it felt like I was being possessed. But adults are SHIT. I hate adults. I want to kill them all. They failed me and their god failed me. None of them every listened to me. All they knew how to do was punish, punish, punish.

It's like giving an allergic kid some peanuts and then getting angry at them for going into anaphylactic shock or whatever. Nobody ever thought "hey, why don't we stop giving the kid peanuts?"

ALL THE ADULTS AROUND ME ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE ACTED LIKE CHILDREN FUCK ADULTS

Anwyays that's how I ended up with all these unresolved issues,.... emotion is a tough one, like I literally dont have the ability to control my emotions at all, I can try and like, repress them but I cant make myself actually feel less.

My emotion hurts more than anyone else's and nobody ever understood that. I would tell them that it hurts, it PHYSICALLY HURTS, and they would say I just wanted attention. I would tell them I literally couldnt control what my body said and did, I would tell them I felt like A PUPPET ON STRINGS and no one believed me. Fuck them.

Healthy coping mechanisms? I literally self ship with Snape to cope. I literally self ship with characters my brain made up and put in my dreams to cope. I used to hurt myself so much trying to feel loved and cared about irl. Fiction is so much better. I sound like a loser but its TRUE. The sort of thing I need, the sort of love I need is like... a parent. You can't go looking for a parent in a romantic partner, it fucks everything up and you end up... well, let's just say it proabbly wasnt the most legal thing, but I wasnt thinking strisght at all I mean dude I was So fucked in my head when I did all that...whatever...anyways so thank u for fiction!!! I love fiction. Want to kill someone? Draw it. Then you'll feel much better!!! And you dont go to jail!!!

Well the pics here... idk, it was really calming to do this. It's new, painting over religious shit. I was gonna do the whole bible but I already burnt that shit so.... and I was going to cut but I'm trying really hard to stay clean... like really hard. It's so weird and like, addicting, once I hit styro I don't want to stop, but also it kinda transfers the emotional pain to physical pain, making it way easier to deal with. I just can't keep doing that because I KNOW it's bad and look I thoguht I was clean for a whole year but then I fucked up and WOW, GUESS WHAT MADE ME RELAPSE??? MATH CLASS!!!!

Whatever anyways here are my wonderful works of art I made while crying and cursing god (like I'm so pissed at all this catholic bs I believed in him again just to swear at him lol)

.... but imagine for a moment, a better world. One in whcih these saints whose images I've defaced are actually good people... a world in which they SEE ME AND THEY HEAR ME... and I go unpunished.... and I am embraced by someone who UNDERSTANDS.

I think I would cry.

Too bad that world doesnt exist and I just made it up to try and feel a bit better. Whatever, whatever. I painted the things, they're gonna dry. I work hard, I'm gonna do good on my quiz, I hope. I just have to be making it through, that's all it is, work work work without a break but I can proabbly do it. I'm really slipping I admit like the mental health is slipping it's getting worse like I havent had a "fuck I am afab" moment in such a long time so yeah...

Anwyays I feel so much better now that I did my little art project yknow???