#smut will not elude me forever! *shakes fist*

[emerald-amidst-gold]

WIP Wednesday

It’s Wednesday?! *scoffs* Preposterous! 

Thank you @noire-pandora and @rosella-writes for the tags! I send you hugs and flowers and LOVE! >:3

Seriously though, this week has felt long to me, as have the last several weeks to be exact, and despite those long, long days, I haven’t really been able to write beyond this ongoing monster of a ‘short’ story. I wouldn’t really say I have writer’s block. I have ideas, I can write little bits and pieces, but I lose momentum from a lack of energy. *shrugs* If anything, I’m treating this story as an exercise to help me cement some of Fane’s inner workings and practice more intimate events. *waggles eyebrows*

So! Have a bit of a long snippet of Solas and Fane being sappy. They’re so fucking sappy, I swear. No shame.

“...What I’m trying to say is, titles have no bearing if you don’t let them. It’s easier said than done, I know, and that’s why I constantly need the reaffirmation of my name. The spiral is deep, and one syllable is all it takes to slow the fall.” Another sigh, this one far heavier, far more aged. “I know what it means, what it feels to have your identity shredded to ribbons, Solas. I know that so much it hurts. And that’s why I’ll say two syllables for you, so you don’t forget the first title; yourself.”, he stated, tone serious, but warm. “And no matter the other artificial titles, the good and the bad, you are you. Furthermore, you are my sky. Endless. Enduring. Unbending. Eternal. You were all of that to me before you were Fen’harel, or even Solas, or anything else. It may be just another title, but I hope, I hope, it’s one that matters to you because a sky matters more than anything to a dragon. Anything, and I won’t let the expanse that is you be taken from me as surely as the actual sky has been.”

Solas blinked at that waterfall of tender words, entranced by the look of earnestness on Fane’s ivory, but inked visage, the faded green lines almost seeming transparent due to how the setting sun filtering into their quarters bathed them in gold. He was lost, he was reeling, he was grappling between wanting to argue and wanting to relinquish his own stubbornness before letting out an airy laugh, shaking his head as the latter won out. How much more could his heart take before it burst? Such devotion, such pure, unwavering devotion was meant for better people than he, and yet, he couldn’t balk at it, usher it away. It would seem he was not the only one to have come so far. 

“...I do not deserve that. I do not deserve such a...christening as that.”, he said, despite his thoughts. He may have come far, but some habits were hard to break. “It baffles me how you can be so certain that your feelings will not change when you know what is to come, when you know what I will be called upon to do.”

“We, Solas. You’re not alone anymore because I won’t let you be alone. No amount of words or deeds will change that either. You know that.”, Fane said, voice harsh, deep, but caring in its timbre.

Solas chuckled quietly. “I know that you are stubborn. Almost infuriatingly so.”, he tried to joke and it had a bit of the desired effect as Fane rolled his eyes, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You walked into my domain centuries ago, elf.”, Fane growled, but it held no disgust or anger. “You poked a dragon and earned its heart, so suffer.”

Solas couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at that. “I suppose I have no choice in the matter?”, he asked, but he felt lighter, calmer. How easily the dread and the ice melted away. How such a thing could happen was beyond him, but he would be lying if he said that he despised this heat, this warmth of souls.

Fane smirked. “None at all.”, he retorted casually before leaning in to nudge at one of Solas’ cheeks, growl slipping into a quiet, but deep purr as their eyes connected, gazed into each other’s sunlit souls. “So, let me show you how I can be so certain, how you can be so deserving of what I feel.”, he said next within a heartbeat, eager, but even harsher with conviction before it dropped to a baritone whisper. “Let me show you how much I love you, Solas.”

Solas barely had time to fully process those tender words before Fane took all thought away, lips connecting with his own, warm and velvet, but somehow cool to the touch. The gentle suddenness of that connection had him startling a bit, so unused to the reserved man before him to be the one to initiate, but he relaxed soon enough, eyes falling shut and allowing tenderness and certainty to soak into him. 

Their lips moved slowly, languidly, but there was an ember to be awoken in their movements, to be sparked and set ablaze. However, there was no rush, no hurry to meet that bonfire. There was only gentle tending as one of Fane’s hands came up to loosely grip his jaw, tilting it just so to dive in deeper, etching his message of affirmation with tender kissing and soft, cool huffs through his nose. The other was busy kneading into one of his hips, a sturdy arm wrapped around to keep them close together. Solas weaved both of his hands into Fane’s head of slightly messy hair, drawing him closer, deeper into a spiral bliss, and humming deep in his chest as a velvet sweep of his dragon’s tongue against his bottom lip had his mind growing foggy.  

However, despite the fog of his mind, Solas kept his mouth shut, halting his movements of the kiss, and smirked against Fane’s lips when a resounding growl sounded. His dragon should know good things came to those who waited.

...Or rather, continued to push. He wanted to see how heavy a dragon’s passion could be, but first things first.

Solas pulled away a bit and smirked more when Fane attempted to chase, curling his fingers in snowy strands to keep him still. Another, deeper growl left those enticing lips at that, nearly making him let go and give in from his made his whole tremble with desire, but he remained steadfast, gazing calmly into smoldering, gold-emerald orbs with a hum.

“You may growl all you wish, ma’isenatha, but I will not relent that easily.” He chuckled softly when Fane almost appeared to be pouting. His heart truly could not take much more of this endearing, stubborn man. “Even so, you are becoming a force to be reckoned with. It won’t be long until I do relent to your will.”, he purred, chuckling a bit when Fane’s visage turned pink yet again from his praise, pout turning into a slight grimace of sheepishness. “Before that, however, I wish to continue where we left off, but you stated the endeavor of mindful connection tires you out. Extremely. Will it do so in this case?”, he asked, common concern threatening to ruin the moment and making his smile falter. He wanted to let the mood take the reins, but his dragon’s comfort came first and foremost.

Always.

Fane shrugged, clearing his throat of embarrassment and his own momentary excitement. “In the past, yeah, but that’s because I would try and force the link. Since I can’t even do that anymore, it’s not so terrible.”, he stated simply, leaning in to nuzzle just below Solas’ ear slowly. “It’s no different than sex, to be fair. Intense, and then an afterglow. I’ll feel tired afterwards, but not bone achingly so.” A growling purr, a mixture of thunder and a babbling creek followed after those words, housing more. “Other...actions will make that happen. We’ll make sure of that.” 

Solas hummed contentedly at the nuzzle, feeling how his chest began to quicken in its breaths at the heated words. “Mm, indeed we will.”, he murmured, a warmth able to be detected along his neck, cheeks, and ears. He was blushing. Lovely. It always threw him off when Fane would utter seduction. “But, I am curious as to how this ability of yours replicates sex.”

It was Solas’ turn to be pleasantly pleased with himself as Fane’s face flushed, pink shifting deeper to where his freckles were washed out and eyes were a titillating shade of ochre. Two could utter seduction, and after Halamshiral, he had pinpointed that Fane nearly dissolved if the word ‘sex’ was uttered from his lips. A dragon’s beauty had many layers, and while they were rare to be witnessed, his dragon was an open book during such carnal pursuits. The memory of the few times they had engaged physically and deeply nearly had Solas crumbling from shudders and soft pants, but the way Fane was now kissing just under his ear, face still flushed, but more from excitement now than a flustered disposition, was doing that also. How easily the mask fell and shattered from just a brush of lips, a glint of gold as two-toned orbs glanced up at him, a roll of thunder housed in a body so different, but so very much the same.

How easily the game could be tilted towards the other at any given moment.

“It’s a dance of thoughts, a waltz of wills.” The Elvhen dragon halted his kisses to whisper against the sensitive skin below his ear, breathless and husky, before giving it a firmer kiss. “You felt it after our sparring match, and that was just a dying connection - whisper of an afterglow. Rage had drowned out most of the euphoric intensity. But here, with us so close to each other, calm and willing...”, he trailed off, pulling back to level Solas with a solid amber gaze, abilities flaring to life with the emotions swarming around them. “...you’ll feel how deep the line runs, and so will I. After all, what’s more revealing and intimate than piercing each other’s thoughts? The connection of bodies is simple, but the mind... That’s more complicated and all creatures yearn for the depth of understanding.”

Solas let out an airy sigh, reaching up with a hand to stroke a deeply flushed cheek of freckles, ink and ivory. “So, it is a combination of thoughts, a glimpse into the inner when the outer offers no clear answer.”, he said, Fane responding with a tiny nod and pleased smirk due to being understood. “Is it like that if you were to connect with others, or..?”, he asked, a question born of more curiosity, not jealousy. He knew better than to harbor that type of nasty feeling with Fane. Devotion ran deep, as deep as the scar upon his heart’s face as well the scars upon his body. He was just once again fascinated to hear these thoughts and complexities of a being he had only been able to speculate on.

Fane shook his head, laying another kiss against his neck. “No. Most people’s minds don’t bend, their emotions locked up in fear and their minds cordoned off in their own ways. Mages, especially those like you, are easier to link up with, though.”, he murmured against the skin before running the flat of his tongue along his pulse. 

Solas let out a quiet gasp, clawing at a broad shoulder as the wet and warm sensation of Fane’s tongue nearly had him melting. That action always made him react violently, and his dragon knew it, chuckling against the column before continuing. 

“...Your emotions are potent, despite what you want people to believe. They’re attuned to being flexible and it was why during the duel I could begin the link. You were already reaching out, so I...exploited it.”, Fane admitted with a flash of shame in his eyes before sighing. “But, the sensation we’re about to experience is..” He pulled away from his neck slowly to practically gaze at him with a blazing smolder. “...only available when love is at the forefront. Your mind is willing before it even knows. You want me to enter. You want to share in the pain, the sorrow, the madness, and the passion, and I want you to, too. So, you allow me in. It’s an act of trust, and there is no one, other than maybe my sister, who I trust more than I trust you. And hopefully, you feel the same in regards to me.” A bit of uncertainty shuffled into dual colored eyes and a wry smirk, but they both dispersed as Fane shook his head a bit. “So again, no. It’s not the same for anyone else and it never will be.” 

Solas stared at the man before him with slightly wide eyes before a tender smile graced his lips. Leave it to his dragon to word such a serious matter so affectionately, so beautifully. Sometimes, it was hard to see anything but the beautiful creature he had met so long ago when such things were uttered.

It was easy to forget how much suffering and sorrow had laced a mind with crimson poison.

Despite those weighty thoughts, Solas brought his hands up to cup Fane’s face once again, stroking his cheekbones reverently as they gazed into each other. Amber orbs shone slightly from both the slowly descending sun just outside and abilities that were slowly regaining their full power with time, observing him with so much silent love that it made his heart squeeze and a small, warm smile form on his face.  

“Ar lath ma.”, Solas said, smiling more when the words of affection had Fane’s eyes darting away sheepishly, but there was a tiny smile upon his own lips. “And I do trust you as you trust me. Implicitly. Trust is a dangerous gambit, but in this instance, I will roll the dice. For you have already bet enough, my dragon.”, he whispered out tenderly before leaning to seal their lips together again gently, wishing to connect physically as well as mentally and emotionally. 

Yes, a connection. That is what he deeply yearned for. To understand and to be understood. To bond and be bound to in turn. To know every inch of the one who had seen him at his lowest and greatest, who worshiped him as the sky and nothing of the past that had thus far defined him.

A bit lengthy, but that’s what I’m good at! >:D I just like words. Woooords~ :D

Tagging (*sends cookies* :3): @oxygenforthewicked @little-lightning-lavellan @dungeons-and-dragon-age @the-dreadful-canine @varric-tethras-editor @drag-on-age @cartadwarfwithaheartofgold @dreadfutures @whataboutbugs and anyone else that’d like to share their endeavors! :D 

[jensengirl83]

What He Lost

Dean x reader

Word count-2564

Warnings-Angst, a little fluff, character death?, mild language, implied smut

Summary- Dean thinks back on memories with the reader. Replaying what brought about the end of their relationship

A/N-Inspired by the song Call Me by Shinedown. No happy ending here today folks. Sorry not sorry lol

Another night that sleep eludes me, memories of you haunting my dreams. What I wouldn’t give to go back to that night, beg you to stay instead of driving you away. You still here with me, sitting at the library table, drinking, laughing. Your laugh, I can still hear it echoing through the bunker when I close my eyes, still see that radiant smile that could bring me to my knees. Your y/h/c tied up in a messy bun, big y/e/c eyes looking into my very soul. I can see you chewing on your bottom lip when you get nervous, the way your tongue would peek out between those pouty lips when you were in deep concentration, the way would scrunch up your nose when I said/done something stupid. Which was quite often come to think of it. Sometimes when the whiskey is flowing heavy through my veins, I still hear your voice. That is the memory that hurts the worst, I think. Not hearing my name pass your lips anymore, whether it was you scolding me, laughing at me, breathlessly whispered as I made love to you.

I shake my head like I can just erase the memories, downing the last of the whiskey in my glass. I wish I could erase you, but then again, I could not make it through another day without being able to see you in my mind. Missing you like this is absolute torture. The cross I must bear for the rest of my life. The last conversation we had driving you away, taking you from not only me, but Sam too. That is another guilt to add to the others. Sam loved you too, not like I do, but you were a sister in his eyes. Now he must live without you because I was a coward.

I run my hand down my face in frustration, feeling tears on my cheeks I did not know I had shed. That is a common occurrence these days. Sammy doesn’t even mention the tears anymore. They are a part of my daily life at this point. I wish everyday I could tell you how much I miss you Y/n. The bunker, the family, this life is not the same without you here. Oh, the memories we made, so many good, but also a few bad. The bad ones, of course, my doing. The day I first kissed you one of the best.

You were in the kitchen, cooking dinner, singing and dancing to the music blaring from your speaker on the counter. I was leaning against the door frame, unable to take my eyes off you. You are so beautiful, in one of my T-shirts you had stolen at some point, pajama shorts giving me a small peek when you moved the right way. I watch as your small but supple body sways to the beat of the music, your voice singing a little off key, but still beautiful.

“You just going to keep staring Winchester?” You ask with that smile I have fallen so hard for.

“If you keep dancing like that, then yes.” I reply with a grin, flirting a little hoping you get the hint. I have been throwing them at you like a major league pitcher lately.

“Well, Dean Winchester, are you flirting with me?” That mock look of disbelief making me laugh.

“What would you say if I was Y/l/n?” Please let this be the moment she finally gets it.

“I would say it is about damn time Dean.” She laughs with her hands on those full round hips. How many times have I imagined grabbing her by them, pulling her body to mine? With out hesitation, I am standing in front of her, my hands on each side of her face. Her skin is so soft, her smell invading my senses, driving me wild. I lean my forehead to hers, a very important question passing my lips.

“Can I please kiss you sweetheart?” I hold my breath waiting on her to answer me. She replies, but not with words, her hands are fisted in my shirt pulling my lips to hers. Her kiss is even more incredible than I ever imagined. Her soft full lips moving with mine like they were made just for me. Our need for air breaking us apart, but not moving an inch away from her.

“That was amazing Y/n.” My pure admiration of this woman I can’t think of anything else to say.

“I know Dean, I am quite amazing, am I not?” The laugh from us both filling the kitchen.

The memory bittersweet, causing more tears and heartache, but flooding me with the love I still have for you. Poor Sammy has tried to get me to move on, Cas too, but I will never be able to get past you. You came in my life like a twister, turning everything upside down, but in the most fabulous way. There was never and will never be another woman in my life that can compare to you. Sweet and sassy, but bold and daring. Loving and caring, but also hard and dangerous. You were a force to be reckoned with for sure, but that is why I fell in love with you. I remember when I first told you I loved you. That was a great day.

“Good morning beautiful.” Looking over to you, your hair splayed across the pillow, you are an absolute vision.

“Morning handsome. Now let me go back to sleep.” I laugh wrapping my arms around you to keep you from rolling away. A morning person you are not.

“Don’t think sweetheart.” You huff at me but with a smile on your face.

“But Deeaannn. It’s my birthday. Shouldn’t I get to sleep in?” The way you drag out my name would annoy me if it was anyone other than you. You, it drives me crazy.

“Don’t you want your gifts?” I smirk knowing that will get your attention.

“Gifts? I only seen the one wrapped on the dresser.” You are so damn cute when you are confused.

“Yeah sweetheart. I couldn’t wrap the second one.” I raise one eyebrow hoping you will catch on.

“Hmmm I think I’ll pass.” I know I must look like a kicked puppy; you are laughing none the less. I really thought that would work.

“C’mere…” You have your hands in the hair at the nape of my neck, scratching lightly, making me moan into your shoulder. I kiss your neck slowly moving up to the sensitive spot behind your ear, nibbling and licking making you arch your back in pleasure. No woman has ever turned me on like you do. Every breath, every touch, every kiss, making me insane with lust.

“Dean..” Your voice just a whisper of breath. I would keep you here in this bed forever just to hear my name fall from your lips that way. I have never been one for the mushy chick flick moments in the bedroom, but with you, I live for them. We lay like this for what seems like an eternity, kissing, touching, sweet whispers of affection. I look into your soft y/e/c eyes and realize, you are my world, my everything. The words leave me before I can stop them.

“I love you Y/n.” I will never be able to forget the look of adoration on your face. Like I am your world, your everything too.

“I love you Dean.” Your hand cups my cheek and I can’t help but to lean into your touch. Ours lips meeting in of the most passionate and needful kissed we have ever shared. The way we made love that morning, like we were the only two people on Earth.

I have never tried harder to be the man you deserved than I did after that day. Swearing to you that I would change my ways. God knows I tried, doing anything and everything to show you that I was a different man. I was in many ways. I no longer had an eye for a woman that was not you, the need for whiskey to make it through the day, diminishing greatly. It was like I could see the world through new eyes, ones that knew what happiness was, what true love felt like. That was until that day, the one that was the beginning to our end. The hunt had been a bad one. I remember it clearly. You had gotten hurt trying to back us up. Which was no one’s fault, but I just could not get the picture of lying there dead out of head. The what ifs getting the best of me.

“What the hell were you thinking Y/n? Do you have a death wish?” My temper out of control, I knew it was, but there was no reigning it in.

“No Dean! I was doing my job. You know, killing monsters!” We had our arguments, but I already knew this one was going to be the worst.

“Well how about next time you kill them without almost getting yourself killed too!”  I knew you were angry now. Your cheeks flushed red, nostrils flaring, clenching your jaw.

“You know what Winchester? How about you do not tell me how to do my job! I was hunting before I ever met you!” You were a great hunter, rivaling both myself and Sammy. Before I fell in love with you, I would have been bragging how you handled yourself today. That was before my heart is now tied to yours. The thought of losing you making me insane with fear, making me say things I know I shouldn’t.

“Yeah? I’m surprised you were even alive for me to meet you then sweetheart.” Sweetheart, the term I used with love for you, but today it was laced with venom. The derogatory way the word left my lips visibly making you flinch, putting a crack in my heart. At this point I just want you to tell me it’s over. I don’t want you to hurt, but that doesn’t stop me from continuing to break your heart.

“Dean….” Sam, always trying to fix my messes. My fear of losing the people I love has done me in this time. Deep down I know I am pushing her away, but the anxiety from the hunt spurring me on.

“No Sam! She was reckless. No care about what could have happened. I can’t hunt with someone like that!” Oh shit, I really put my foot in my mouth this time.

“Really Dean? Then you can find someone else to help you and Sam. I will not hunt with you again!” I can see her trembling, her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. I have went this far, why not put the final nail in the coffin.

“Fine, do me one better and just be on your way. I don’t need you anyway.” The audible gasp from her and Sammy was deafening. I had gone too far but there was no going back now.

“You don’t need me?” The pain and heartbreak in her voice, the tears now spilling down her cheeks.

“Not if that is how you are going to act Y/n.” They are both staring at me like I am a stranger. At this point I am, even to myself.

“You are evil Dean Winchester!”

“Call me a sinner, a saint, your favorite, the worst, whatever makes you feel better.” I don’t even recognize my own voice, so much disdain and bitterness being spoken to the woman who I love so much.

She turns without a word heading down the hallway. I am motionless, still standing there stoic, my dumb pride keeping me from going after her, dropping to my knees and begging her to forgive me. Sammy is beside me, looking at me with shame and disappointment clear on his features. That hurts almost as bad as the pain on Y/n’s face.

“What have you done Dean? Are you really going to let one bad hunt get to you? I can’t look at you right now. You just broke her Dean, you know that, right?” I do not utter a word, too ashamed of myself, how I acted.

“I’m going out. Let me know when she is gone.” With those words I am on my way to the garage. Needing to get out of here before I break. The last thing I want is for to leave, but after what I said to her, I can’t bring myself to stop her. She will be better off with out me.

I have been at the bar for who knows how long at this point. My mind going back over our fight. The regret swallowing me whole. I should have stayed at the bunker and stopped her, instead of running away. Dean Winchester, the ultimate runaway. Never staying to face my problems but running and trying to drown them in cheap whiskey. My shame is keeping me from calling her, but maybe she will call me, yeah, she will call me. Like she read my mind, my phone rings, her picture flashing across the screen.

“Oh god sweetheart I’m so glad you called.”

“Dean Winchester?” It isn’t Y/n on the phone. The instant feeling of dread filling my body

Standing up harshly, my chair crashing to the ground behind me, I grab my jacket and keys. I have to go see her, the memories finally too much. I make my way to the garage and jump In Baby, sticking the key in the ignition and putting it in drive as soon as the engine starts. I am on the road going straight to her. I know this is going to hurt but I need to talk to her. Tell her again how much I love her and miss her.

I pull up and turn off the car, slowly opening the door, knowing the pain that is coming, but needing to do this. I walk up the path, looking at all the different flowers. You always like bright and colorful flowers of all kinds. I should have brought you some, but being in a hurry to see you, it didn’t cross my mind. I sit down in the grass, slowly lifting my head to look at your tombstone. The biggest reminder of the deadly mistake I made. You had been crying when you left and had lost control at some point. The last phone call from your phone being from the officer to inform me you hadn’t made it.

“Hi baby, sorry it’s been awhile. This is just so hard. I love and miss you sweetheart, so much. You are still the first thought when I wake up and the last thing I see as I go to sleep. I am so sorry that your last thought was that I didn’t need you. I’ll always keep you inside my heart and mind. You healed my heart and my life by just being in it. Cas told me that he came to see you in heaven and that you forgive me. Now if I can just forgive myself. Anyway, please know that I love you Y/n, always have, always will.”

I reach to run my fingers over the picture I had placed on her tombstone. Her beautiful smile, forever reminding me of what I lost.

 Tags: @flamencodiva​ @sorenmarie87​ @foxyjwls007​ @waywardbeanie​ @emoryhemsworth​ @voltage-my2dlove​